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jtl-fics · 11 months

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Fluent Freshman - Part 18

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

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#Fluent Freshman AU #FINALLY CAN PUT DOWN MY TAGS #You have no idea the number of times that I had to sing hollaback girl to myself during this #It was B-A-N-A-N-A-S #We have now closed the 'Andrew is going to crazy murder me' emotional arc #The 'Oh god if Andrew or Neil find out that I know Russian they're going to stop being my friends and hate me' arc begins #He's gotten a confirmed 3 friends today #And he got to go to the bathroom #He's riding a high #Not only is it 3 friends it is 3 friends who like him enough to invite him to spend the holiday break together #That's so nice #Andrew is so nice #FF cannot BELIEVE he thought Andrew 'eat these dried apples' Minyard was going to stab him #Captain Neil is lucky to have him #Also Andrew is lucky to have Captain Neil #Neil and Andrew are definitely down in the Speakeasy right now enjoying FF's bathroom break #Andrew's ordered FF another round of Banana daiquiri #Andrew: I can't believe he ate that ice cream. His stomach must have been killing him.#Neil: Yeah he was really pale and sweaty until he started drinking that banana drink #Neil: I'm a little worried about Smith finding the bathroom. Maybe I should go up?#Andrew hand on Neil's thigh: he'll be fine. We can go look if he's not back in 10.#AFTG AU #AFTG OC #AFTG #AFTG Shitpost #AFTG Fic #My Fic #Andreil #FF - Pt.18

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perfectprofessorloverapricot · 6 months

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•| A not so stolen youth |•

Stranger things / Chapter 1

Summary: Everything in life seemed limited to walls of whites and rainbows. Caged within the confines of the lab. But an accident that involved a group of teenagers and the upside down world finally let him free. In a funny turn of events he found himself hiding in a step sibling's shed. A redhead that loves video games and a blond that spends his time making sure to keep his good looks.

Character: Male child OC

Warnings: Possible to descriptive scenes, child abuse, use of drugs and bad language.

A/N: I ask you to take into account that I lack experience writing in English and there'll be some grammatical mistakes because my native language is Spanish.

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“What does it say here?” Sounded the voice of the teenage redhead in the shed. She pointed to one of the dialog bubbles in the comic.

Thirteen tilted his head in a vain attempt to read better. The comic was in his own hands and moving it wasn’t as helpful as he thought. “Mmm… final… v… victory?” He stutter. He felt he chest warm when he saw the look of pride in Max face while she nodded.

“Yeah. You’re getting better.” She said excitedly. A big smile was formed in the kids face.

It’s been two weeks since they met. And everything’s going good so far.

The day after Max let him stay, with the condition of being careful no to be seen, she went to check on him only to have heart attack when she didn’t find him.

The blankets she gave him were folded and there was no trace of him.

She spent the whole morning of school wondering where he could have gone. It’s not like she paid attention to the classes before.

And after an uncomfortable ride home with her stepbrother she went straight to the shed getting an insult of how weird she was behaving from the blond and disappointment from finding nothing.

She stayed on her room thinking the few things she knew about him while her brother worked out in the living room. She thought about the limited vocabulary of the kid and that she had to read the comics she showed him because he couldn’t.

There were no visible signs of physical abuse but she got a glimpse of a tattoo in his left wrist when he rubbed his eyes after yawning.

The kid is only ten, what kind of tattoo would a kid his age want?

He is dirty and his clothe doesn’t fit him, obviously not his. But still, none of it gives her a hint from where he comes from or how to find him.

She didn’t even know why she wanted to finde him so bad. Or more like, she pretended not to know.

She’s always thought of herself as independent, which was accurate for the most part, but didn’t mean she liked being alone.

Before moving to Hawkins, in California, she made her life outside of the awkward environment of her house. She spent most of her time with her two best friends and going to her biological fathers house. Even when her mother met Neil and his son, she did it.

But now, she is stuck in a place she doesn’t know with her awkwardly nervous mother, an asshole who controls the house and everyone in it and calls himself her father just to have an excuse to “educate” her and a stepbrother that gives cero shit about her.

The kid was like her hope for something better. His innocent soul hasn’t been taught how to be an though (asshole) to confront the live out there. He was a little piece of the remaining good things of the world.

Fortunately, before she could exit and give her stepbrother an excuse to leave the house she was startled out of her thoughts by a knock on her window.

There he was peeking over the edge of the window and lifting a hand with three bags of chips to share with her.

Since then it became a routine that they manage to hold for a week. While Max goes to school and avoids as much interaction with her current family as she could, thirteen sneaks out to explore more. He already knows most of the place like the back of his hands but he still finds interesting the things that people do, even tho he is to scared to get close.

Those are the moments too bitersweet to him. He loves watching others have fun and imagine himself enjoying with them, having a life where he didn’t have to keep hiding, but before he can get a step closer to the kids in the park the fear of returning to the lab and being punished for leaving in the first place stops him.

That’s why he always goes back to the shed. To a place where he knows he is not alone anymore. At least the fear of being found didn’t bother him for the first week, but at the beginning of the second something that neither he or Max could have thought happened.

It was a normal day for them until the girl came back from school and went to her room like usual. But her heart fell once she saw Billy walking out of the house with a grey tank top and a pair of shorts he only uses when he knows his going to get dirty. Which means he is going thinker with his car, which means, he needs his tolls that are in the shed.

She took a shortcut jumping through her window. She run to catch her stepbrother and walked as normal as posible beside him.

“What are you doing?” She asked, trying to act normal.

He threw her a a momentary look, easily realizing her act. “To mind my business.” He answers bluntly.

She put herself in front of him walking backwards, only making the situation even weirder to Billy. “Don’t you have a date? With the… that blonde girl. What was her name?” She tried to remember almost stumbling with a rock.

Billy rolled his eyes in exasperation. “I don’t know and I don’t care. That was yesterday. Now move.” He pushed her effortlessly to the side once they reached the shed.

Max almost face planted in the floor but that wasn’t her priority. She turned to Billy only to witness him stop in his place with the door open.

“What the fuck?” He mumbled.

Max rammed her body against the door and closed it staying between it and her stepbrother. “It’s not what it looks like.” She defended.

Billy rose a brown in incredulity. “Really? Because it looks like you’re keeping a stray in Neil’s shed.”

“He’s not a dog, he’s a kid.” She defended, actually offended. “A really scared kid.”

“And I don’t give a shit. You’ve been keeping him there in a shed that doesn’t belong to you.” Max knew that what he said was true, but she couldn’t let him to his own with the possibility of returning to an abusive home. “What could a kid of his age be scared of? A monster under his bed?” He shook his head. It was ridiculous. “He needs to go.” He said with finality.

Max pressed her back even harder against the door and shook her head.

Billy got closer to her, using his height to tower over her in an intimidating way. “Get him out before Neil finds out or I’ll do it.” He threatened in a gruff voice.

Max genuinely felt scared. She knew what he was capable of, but she bets that the kid is even more scared than she is right now. And she was right, the boy was shaking inside the shed, hugging to his chest one of the comics Max left for him. His favorite comics. One of x-men’s.

“No.” She said with all the confidence she could in front of her intimidating brother.

The blond grabbed her arm in a painfully strong grip and dragged her a few steps away from the shed before throwing her, ignoring her yelp when she fell on her side. “Then I’m gonna get rid of the scaredy cat myself.” He conclude walking with heavy steps towards the shed.

Max panicked. She let out something that she knew could affect him. “He’s scared of his father, okay?” She screamed.

She felt a small relief when Billy stopped in his actions with his hand in the door’s handle.

His hesitation brought some confidence to the girl. “He hurts him.” She explained in hopes of changing his mindset. “I’m not asking you to take care of him. Just don’t tell anyone. You won’t even notice he is here.” She pleaded a little calmer now but still seating in the floor. “You won’t even notice he is here.” She repeated in a soft voice.

Billy bit the inside of his cheek in thought. He doesn't know how long the kid’s been there but if it weren't for the fact that he personally went to the shed he wouldn't know of his existence.

Almost reluctantly, Billy opened the shed again. He stayed in his place but he took his time to actually take a look at the kid. Scared and dirty, the boy stayed in the very back of the wooden place, shaking. Those blue innocent eyes were looking at him, waiting for the worst.

For a second, a small flash, he saw himself in the boy. When he was recently abandoned by his mother and left with his abusive father. He moved slowly to one of the shelves close to the door to grab the box of tools, keeping an eye on the kid.

Once he was out he looked at the surprised redhead in the floor as he closed the door behind him.

He stepped in front of his sister with his always present frown in his face. “If Neil finds out I let you hide a kid in the shed I’m gonna drag you under the bus with me. Do you understand?” He concluded.

Max was stunned for a few seconds but nodded slowly.

Billy scoffed, proceeding with his plans on tinkering in his car but made a las comment. “And wash that filthy kid. His gonna become a charcoal by the weekend.”

Max blinked a few times. She sat there for a moment, processing what just happened until she heard the door creaked open and a pair of eyes accompanied by a dirty fur (at least that’s what it looks like) peeked out of the place. She gave him a toothed smile that soon became a laugh that turned into a cackle that had her almost rolling on the floor.

The boy came out of the shed smiling, visibly confused but smiling. If Max was happy that means good news.

And it did.

Now that she didn’t have to actually hide the boy it became easier to change places between her room and the shed, they go through her bedroom’s window though.

She did what Billy said. She gave him a bath. She took his clothes and left him in his underwear covering it with a towel and sat him in the bathtub. She was horrified when the water changed color almost instantly and she had to change it for more clean water.

She knew he got dirty through the week but not that much.

She was surprised once again when she gave him the bottle of her brother’s shampoo and he only looked at it in wonder.

The kid didn’t know how to use a shampoo, much less the conditioner. He now has hair long enough to go a little below his ears when wet but that’s new to him, he’s always had a buzz cut since he was a kid. He never needed anything more than soap for his whole body, like the rest of the kids in the lab.

Knowing the kid was never taught how to use a shampoo put another knot in Max’s heart. Through how much has the kid gone?

She end up teaching him how to use the shampoo and conditioner. He needed a little help to get some knots out of his hair but it was easy.

Surprise surprise. Under those old rags and all the dirt was a beautiful kid with light brown hair. It was formerly a way darker color.

Even Billy who was just on his way to his room did a doble take to the boy standing patiently in the hall. He scoffed and continued on his way. Who could have thought?

Meanwhile Max was practically buried in the main closet of the house, it was more like a storage room with all the unpacked boxes, looking for clothe that would fit him. More specifically, clothes her stepbrother used, but there was nothing. She already looked for in the unpacked boxes around the house and the closet was her last option.

She debated if she should ask Billy personally. It wasn’t the best of her ideas but it was the only one. The probability of Billy slamming the door in her face where high.

She sigh. It was her only option for now.

Reluctantly, she made her way to her stepbrothers bedroom where he was gathering clean clothes to take to the bathroom. His towel was already in his shoulder.

She knocked on the doorframe a little shy.

“What?” He grumbled without looking at her.

“Can you lend me some of your old clothes. The kid doesn’t have any.” She said in a small voice.

He huffed as he grabbed a blue tank top from his closet. “Why is that my problem? He should have thought about it before running away.” He said in a low voice with a hint of annoyance.

“Come on Billy. You can’t let him freeze to death in the autumn weather. Winter is already close.” She answered with a little bit of annoyance in her own voice.

Billy slammed the door of his closet shut and turned to Max. He already had what he needed. He pointed at her with his free hand. “You said he isn’t my problem and I wouldn’t even notice him. This doesn’t seem like it.” He had a point. “Give him some of your old clothes.” He recommended walking to the door. “You dress like a boy anyway.” He insult on his way out, bumping with Max’s shoulder on purpose.

Thirteen, still in the hallway, looked at Billy in curiosity when he walked by him, even when the teenage was obviously ignoring his presence.

Max huffed at him. Well she didn’t have that much expectations in him anyway.

She guided Thirteen back to her room and sat him down on her bed.

She looked for her own old clothes through the many unpacked boxes in her room, grumbling every time something fell out of the boxes for the lack of space needed.

It took a long time but finally, she found her clothes. she organized it into tree divisions. The too small for the 10 year old kid, the clothes that fits and the clothes that will fit. All of that, after selecting the ones that looked boyish.

By the end of it thirteen already had his hair sticking out in every direction, full of static. He put on and took off everything to measure.

While they were both doing their own things, Billy was back in his room. He discarded the dirty clothes in the laundry basket and dried his hair with harsh movements of the towel. Once satisfied he threw the towel to wherever the hell it flew, he just wanted to fall on his bed and blast some music, but he was stopped when he heard a commotion at the feet of his bed.

He huffed. The towel fell on top a stack of books placed on an unpacked box and caused everything to fall.

He grabbed the towel with annoyance only to freeze when he saw the box slightly opened. The item wasn’t hidden but wasn’t visible either from the door, that’s why Max didn’t see it when she came to ask. The light left a cloth visible inside the box. The box was filled with the clothes Max was looking for and some other things of his childhood.

Memories of the few good times. When his mother was still with him and he was happy.

He hasn’t been able to get rid of the things. To sentimental. But he doesn’t want to be reminded of the past and keeps everything hidden. Just like his feelings.

Agitated, Billy grabbed the box of things, slammed his closet’s door open, threw the box inside and slammed it back shut. He walked to his nightstand and grabbed the box of cigarettes. He lighted one up with hands trembling in bottled fury and disgust towards himself and the world.

The relief of breathing nicotine and filling his lungs with the smoke was almost instant. He held his breath for a few seconds, calming himself first then letting it out just like the bad feelings.

The past is in the past, he cannot be weak anymore. He doesn’t have that chance.

To drown every remaining of that bad taste in his mouth he blasted his noisy music so loud that he couldn’t hear his own thoughts anymore.

Thirteen, still in Max’s room frowned when the music reached his ears. Billy’s door was close and so was Max’s, yet, he could still hear the music very clear. He didn’t like how it sounds.

A little thing he hasn’t told Max yet is one of his rare capabilities. Everyone in the lab new it was a possibility to gain enhanced senses once some of the kids started showing signs of it. More specifically, hearing and smell.

Whatever they did to expand the limits of their minds also better enabled the senses limited by mental capacity.

9 of the 15 kids they had developed the enhanced senses along with telepathy and psychokinetic powers. Thirteen was one of them. He only got the hearing though.

But he never got to interact enough with them because he was separated from the rest of the kids when his father found out he was a late bloomer. He was left in isolation for many hours with the excuse that it was to help him concentrate. He was raised in the east side of the lab while the rest were held in the west.

But still, he ended up better than his father ever anticipated and now he has some resemblance of freedom.

Uncomfortable with the music rumbling in his head he rubbed his ears for a moment. The security alarms in the lab were still worse so it wasn’t that much of a problem.

“Here” cheered Max grabbing jeans, a pair of socks, a navy-blue t-shirt with long sleeves and a red hoodie that has less color than when it was new for the many times it’s been washed.

Happy to cover his chilling skinny body he quickly put on the clothes. Max helped him when he managed to get his head stuck in one of the long sleeves.

At last, when he was done, he had a big innocent smile in his face that was reflected in Max’s own. The clothes fitted perfectly.

“Looking good, uh?” she said rising and lowering her eyebrows consecutively. The smile in the boy’s face widened with joy. “Now you can blend in with the others if you need.” Thirteen nodded in agreement. “Wanna read a comic now?” She asked, getting another nod as an answer.

“Magneto?” asked the boy in hope.

Max laughed a little, already grabbing an x-men comic. She knows that the boy’s favorite character is Magneto. She doesn’t know why but she likes how he thinks outside of the box. Most of the kids like a hero, but Thirteen likes a villain, just like she likes monsters. In some way, they are similar.

That’s how the first two weeks of knowing the stepsiblings went. Enjoying a little bit of liberty and not lonely anymore.

But Halloween is close, and so are other things in the dark he thought he would never see again.

Fortunately, this time he won’t be alone.

What do you think?

Any comment or constructive criticism are appreciated.

#stranger things #stranger things x male reader #male reader #x child reader #male oc #x male oc #billy hargrove #max mayfield #eleven hopper #jim hopper #steve harrington #stranger things x reader

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writing-for-life · 9 months

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So, you mentioned something about Thessaly in a 90s context in one of your responses to another post, and I was wondering if you could expand on that. Because yeah, I have no problem with her *existing* as a character, because obviously she has a role in the narrative, but I highly suspect that her perceived role has changed a LOT in the intervening years since the initial writing.

As someone who first read Sandman in 2022, I figured that her character role was to get us to question what we think we know about Morpheus. Can we really trust that he's changed or improved, or that he's even all that likeable, if he's literally jumping into bed with this thoroughly unpleasant woman who likes violent murder *way* too much and also seems to be transphobic to boot?

At the same time, though, I got the uncomfortable sense that we were supposed to *like* Thessaly. In a sort of, "You go girl, be a #girlboss, let's show these boys we can be JUST as good at killing as them!" sort of way. Which I rationalized as "well, that probably was progressive in the 90s, but the idea of cold blooded violence and emphasis on the possession of a womb being feminist ideals has aged poorly."

So, yeah, I'm wondering if that is anywhere close to how she seemed in the "intended" context.

[As always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!]

This is such a good ask, and I feel there are a lot of bases to cover here. Not sure if I’ll do it justice, but here goes…

Disclaimer straightaway: I absolutely detest Thessaly and everything she’s done narratively, and I’m neither a Thessaly-apologist, nor someone who loves her as a character. But I think we need to discuss her with a bit more nuance than I see in lot of fandom spaces.

I think first of all, we need to look at:

Thessaly as a fictional character

As you already pointed out, she naturally has a role in the narrative. I also think parts of her role in said narrative are sometimes a bit misunderstood. One prime example would be the idea she never loved Morpheus. And yes, she absolutely always put herself and her own interests first, so from that angle, she loved herself more than she loved him. That doesn’t mean she never loved him at any point though. Many people quote her saying that she never did as proof that she didn’t. But what people say doesn’t always align with what they feel or do: She says at his wake she swore she’ll never cry over him again—and cries while she’s saying it. That tells us two things: She *did* cry because of him before. And she *does* cry now.

Again, she is a selfish, utterly horrid bitch, but she loved him at some point, and she was mad at him for neglecting her and not paying her enough attention. That’s when it turned sour (and we know how absolutely shit at communicating with women Morpheus is, so they’re both as bad as each other in that regard).

I see her as someone who is totally disconnected/dissociated from her emotions, to the extent that she probably really believes what she says, out of some deep-rooted fear of any kind of vulnerability. Why that is—we can only speculate, because Neil never went into it, hence nothing we assume will ever be canon.

What can be considered canon, however, is that Neil has confirmed the fact that she *did* love him at some point—most notably in the Sandman Companion:

Hy Bender: […] Of course, she’s lying when she says she never loved the Sandman.

Neil Gaiman: Of course; I think that’s made explicit by the final panel, where she says, `I swore I would never shed another tear for him’ while crying. But after he’s won her and then returned to his duties, he wasn’t enough for her anymore. She wanted attention; and when she wasn’t getting it, she said, “Right. We’re done,” and walked out on him.”

I’d also like to point out that the most trans-exclusionary prick in the whole of AGoY is actually George, just that he’s not a woman, and hence, no one ever seems to mention it (he’s actually the one egging Wanda on, not Thessaly). Plus, walking the moon road is maiden, mother and crone to a T, and consciously so. Foxglove is the maiden, Hazel is pregnant, and Thessaly is ancient. So Thessaly’s choice was also based on that, and the only one who Wanda really could have *potentially* replaced would have been Foxglove; she presumably never had penetrative sex, unlike Hazel (in the archaic definition of what penetration means, so we don’t need to argue about lesbian sex practices now). We don’t know that about Wanda, no matter if someone sees her as a man or a woman. I didn’t mean to get that explicit about maiden status, but I guess it *is* important in this context (although yes, of course Thessaly said Wanda is a man, and I’m not arguing that either, but I still think it was grounded in her belief how moon magic works).

Which brings me to a very important point: Thessaly is ancient. Culturally, we can’t compare her to someone who grew up in the 20th century, also with regard to her violent inclinations. She is thousands of years old. She’s seen it all. She has a fierce sense of self-preservation, maybe even rooted in some fears or trauma of her own. All not very nice character traits, no, but that’s not the yardstick, and probably was never supposed to be. I also remember Neil saying he consciously wanted to oppose neopaganism and the watered down, new wave witchcraft of the time (late 1980s/early 1990s, and that, I really remember), which was all about the “divine feminine”, female empowerment, tarot cards and incense sticks. I’m being a bit flippant now, but it isn’t far off. It was more of a trend than anything. He wanted to consciously oppose it with someone who would still act according to ancient, rather violent codes and rules. And Morpheus will have known those, and probably found them less surprising than we do (doesn’t necessarily mean he’d condone them either).

The fact whether Thessaly should make us question Morpheus in the comics is a tricky one. What she definitely *should* make us question is: Morpheus could have quite easily broken some rules in the Kindly Ones when Thessaly had set up the protection circle for Lyta, and the consequences probably would have been less disastrous than playing by said rules. And we can safely presume he knew. We are also supposed to question the same when he lets Nuala call in her boon and doesn’t just say: “This isn’t really a good time, can we do this later?” (and he absolutely COULD have done that), but actually follows through with going ,“Well, what gives, I basically grant you your boon now and leave the Dreaming, even though I know the potential consequences.” So yes, Thessaly is supposed to make us question Dream’s choices, but probably not the way we think. And for that, we perhaps should look deeper into…

Thessaly the TERF and Feminism in the late 1980s/early 1990s

This might get a bit longwinded, and I am showing my age here. I grew up at the intersection of second wave and third wave feminism, and as a bisexual woman, I made a lot of experiences during the early 90s that feel wholly aligned with the plot of AGoY (which was written during that time). I don’t want to write a whole essay about feminism here, but second wave feminism was on its way out in the late 80s. A lot of the bad associations some people have with feminism today stem from that time (not always justified, because a lot of good was achieved during that period. But parts of it in specific sub-communities—definitely problematic). Equality vs equity discussions within the feminist movement were dominating everything, and the divide between radfems and libfems was getting deeper. People like Audre Lorde IMHO rightly criticised that failing to understand that not all women start on equal footing, that not all women are the same, is problematic (so you could easily see how this is incorporated into the narrative of AGoY).

Second wave feminism wasn’t just about making sure women had rights. It was very much about “all of us can do everything men do, and we want the same a man gets”. It was all about the workspace (so often very white, CIS, middle class), not being at home with the kids etc (of course there were also other topics, but this one was really quite dominant). You could even see it fashion (massive shoulder pads etc). All the while, actually *being* a man was vilified (again, just in certain quarters).

So I feel you’re on to something with your #girlboss comment, only that I don’t think it was intentionally set up to like her, but rather as a criticism of what certain quarters of the feminist movement were like at the time.

Personal anecdote: I got that type of schtick from WITHIN the LGBT community at the time. Bi-erasure was big. And there were radfem lesbians that would actually tell you that being bi doesn’t exist, that you are basically a traitor to your “sisters” and just a lesbian who isn’t fully out. The same shite they used to criticise about men who would say you’re only a lesbian because you haven’t found the right guy yet. And here they went, telling you that you can’t be attracted to men if you’re also attracted to women.

Third wave feminism has a much stronger focus on the individual woman and what it means to be a woman to HER. This also included trans women, much more than during the second wave. Judith Butler’s work is actually exemplary for this (in essence, there is no such woman as “the” woman—we’re all different despite sharing common traits and problems. Trying to make us all the same will only harm us in the long run).

And with AGoY and Thessaly, we are exactly at the moment in time (in the comics) where that shift happens. I think Neil got it right for the time, and understood a lot of what was going on. Many people in queer communities felt really understood and seen, myself included. I absolutely see how that translates differently today. But it always saddens me when the historical context gets completely stripped away, and people don’t take the time a work of fiction was written into consideration and only measure it from today’s viewpoint. We can, and absolutely have to be critical if the TV shows fails to address these points and just translates everything 1-2-1. Which I am fairly certain won’t happen, because Thessaly has already been stripped off a lot of her obvious TERFiness in the Audible. I’m not even sure if we’ll get her in the show—we’ll hopefully find out.

Phew, that was long, I’m gonna lie down 😂

#sandman meta #sandman #the sandman #thessaly #sandman and feminism #agoy #a game of you #Wanda #the wake

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ca-suffit · 2 months

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Virginia's black anon has to be anon because we all know the only accounts who associate with her already and it's only 3 at most 😂 I guess nobody can make fake accounts when it's supposed to be for a black fan they don't hate.

There have been some racists comments floating around, but I never saw that from your blog.

Get your reading glasses then girl.

Your opinions have been a reflection of Louis as a character and not about Jacob as a black man.

This is where this nonny comment reads white as hell because what the fuck does this even mean? These are not separate things, baby. Louis is still a black man too! That's your whole fucking problem.

You can defend Jacob all day and say you love black people all day and still say the most antiblack shit ever in the next breath. You've been being told this and instead of listening, you and others keep targeting black fans as some kind of ignorant, illiterate mob out to get you. Idek why you started doing this but THAT is the antiblack part. It's not all just about claiming you "accept" this or that. You also have to actually DO THAT PART. Now it's clear why you think black fans gently teasing Jacob's hair is the real racism while you call Louis, Claudia, and Armand liars and manipulators solely to protect the character of Lestat (the REAL victim to you) and don't see a problem with it. This is why the white fandom mindset is dumb and dangerous af because it leads to stripping race from everything and defaulting to whiteness. This is why your insistence on "the books!!!" is bullshit and nobody cares, because the books are about white people and you're acting like that's still what this is when it's not! And when anyone says otherwise you make a big dramatic show of how you're being unfairly attacked.

IWTV fandom needs a scapegoat and that will be me so here’s my controversial takes..

And here's Neil's stupid ass once again missing the point of anything and still going on about fictional shit instead of reflecting on her antiblackness as well (why does everyone talk like a cartoon villain too lol). You love being the victim and changing topics instead of directly addressing anything. You all are the ones always saying you're such big critical thinkers, yet someone comes and spells it out real slow for you over and over and you still miss the point. This is why nobody is afraid of you or even takes you seriously, you're so fucking constantly stupid.

-way WAYYYY before the show I had a theory for the book that Louis killed Paul but now I’m afraid to talk about it even though it would make so much sense to him refusing to be labeled as a “killer”

Why are you so afraid to talk about it? Afraid the big, mean black fans might call you racist? If you have things to say, why don't you say them? Stop being such a baby about it. It's always the loudest mouths who want to say "I'm so scared u guys" over things that anyone else could just talk about. You're afraid to be called a racist because you only think about yourself and have nothing to really say after all.

You're the only ones who constantly move goalposts when it comes to talking about Louis. You make up this intentionally manipulative shit to say it's others (really just black fans tbh) who strip away Louis as a full character by not wanting him labeled as a liar or "bad person" but then you go around slinging this horseshit. If you think he killed Paul then write your big essay why. Why are you holding back now because they're black, you giant ass coward? Say it if you're gonna say it. This half assed ready-to-go-victim shit is ugly. I thought you were a tough book reader who could handle big topics. Pick a side already, asshole.

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #amc interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #iwtv 2022

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charcubed · 8 months

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the problem with that man is that he's obsessed with two things: not explaining and not spoiling. so he just answers everything with the most surface level shit cause he has this "think for yourself" attitude. which i would love. if the internet wasn't filled with people averse to thinking and who love not connecting the dots on purpose. like yeah i know that ox are the first earthly pleasure which were followed by others. 95% of the internet doesn't. ON PURPOSE.

[ben-affleck-smoking.jpeg]

Honestly anon, I tip my hat to you because this helps me a little bit. Just a little bit, to fathom what the fuck he's on about and what his potential reasoning is for it. I mean, I'm still frustrated beyond belief by his whole shtick and think it's unnecessary/irresponsible, but I do appreciate you giving me a somewhat plausible explanation so I can have a posited reason for his behavior to wrap my head around.

The thing is, like... People are stupid.

And/or: people are, historically, so determined to project what they want onto a piece of media (while being hellbent on arguing their right to do so while arguing their "interpretations" should remain unencumbered and unexamined) that they're not interested in seeing what it's theoretically or probably actually doing.

So there are 2 ways this shit is gonna go at this point in my opinion (and it's only been a month since season 2 came out so this shit can probably get even more stark before season 3! Yippee!):

Aziraphale and Crowley DON'T fuck on screen. Neil Gaiman is in fact addicted to the praise of very online ace people and so he has internalized that he can't "ruin their rep." Oh, you say you saw subtext in HIS season 2? Surely not. There was/is no erotic or sexual subtext in Ba Sing Se. To be clear, this would be the cowardly homophobic option whether people think it is or not, in part because of the thematic relevance and subtext now attached to them as of season 2 that begs follow-through (which exists despite his pedantic carefully-worded tumblr posts right now), and in part because if we had to see Newt and Anathema fuck then there is no legitimate reason that Aziraphale and Crowley should not get to do the same in light of the subtext. Period. And media doesn't exist in a vacuum. Sorry not sorry.

Aziraphale and Crowley DO fuck on screen. All of the ace people who have read into Neil's several pedantic and carefully-worded posts and engagement for years then become loudly devastated and angry that "their rep" has been destroyed with "no warning." A new term of "acebaiting" probably enters the cultural lexicon. Extremely online carnage occurs, etc. And frankly? At this point I'd (already) be inclined to say Neil would not be entirely blameless for it because of the way he's now acting while needlessly engaging directly with some of the discourse. The majority of the onus would be on the people who assume that he is confirming or defending the unequivocal canonical validity of their ace readings, because he's technically done nothing of the sort. But while he looooves to post and engage in the manners of those technicalities, at this point he can't be oblivious to how legions of inane people end up being like "soooo true Mr. Gaiman, romance doesn't have to be sexual <3" and he just lets them think that constitutes a promise that these characters will never be openly sexual. So if they think that for years, and then the characters fuck (as they should)? Madness will descend, and part of it – not all of it by far, but part of it – will be on him. Because there's no point or purpose in him acting like this other than he gets a kick out of it. He is now openly playing stupid games post-season 2 and will win stupid prizes.

Secret third thing is that Aziraphale and Crowley ambiguously fuck – Schrödinger's fade-to-black potential sex that we just don't see, if you will – in an effort to satisfy all parties, but that is filed under a variation of version 1 in my opinion. It'll still be lowkey homophobic and purity-culture-coded at the end of the day if there's room for ambiguity and people can erase the fact that they fucked if they prefer to do so.

Anyway. The thing is that if he wants people to think for themselves and connect the dots on their own, then pretending as if the dots don't even exist by ignoring them through omission and acting deliberately obtuse with surface level responses does not inspire people to look for or continue to argue for those dots and their depth. But it sure as HELL inspires stupid people to make leaps of logic and say things like "ummm Neil Gaiman already said nothing is sexual about the ox scene soooo if you're arguing otherwise you're being aphobic." Which is exhausting and infuriating and, again, stupid lol.

And that's certainly not entirely Neil's fault! He's NOT responsible for people being stupid. But he is responsible for making things deliberately confusing because he feels clever and maybe wants to challenge everyone else to be clever without openly saying that in so many words – if that is indeed what he's doing.

And if he's not gonna explain anything sufficiently then he shouldn't be engaging with shit like this at all because people then take his deliberate selective lack of explanation as tacit evidence that there must be nothing to explain.

At the end of the day, I'm personally not interested in dissecting the tea leaves of his posts to guess at the fullness of what he truly thinks. I see the subtext and themes in his work, and either he placed them there and sees them too or he didn't/doesn't. If he sees them but doesn't want to talk about them on main for whatever reason then I have no qualms about saying that that's weird behavior. And I also have no qualms about saying that – based on season 2 – Aziraphale and Crowley should fuck in season 3. Ultimately, while his pedantic posts and the resulting discourse raise my blood pressure, I don't need his permission to know the truth of that.

#anonymous #asks #good omens #I know people say 'I want to study him' a lot on this website about people but literally I want to study this man. what's wrong with him.#also tumblr keeps fucking with some of my italics in this so sorry if it looks weird??? I keep trying to fix it #char writes things

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wonkyjaw · 6 days

Text

Some TSC things I can’t stop thinking about that I haven’t seen mentioned yet:

Jean (and likely Riko) had no idea the Foxes knew as much as they did… and Jean already thought the Foxes were crazy for keeping Kevin and Neil.

Dealing with Neil over Christmas Break was a “salve for Jean’s sanity” despite how hard Neil made things for them by fighting back and despite having “a longer leash” than Kevin was ever afforded. Despite Zane’s reaction to Neil’s reappearance.

The fact that Kevin knew just from Jean's reaction to him mentioning Neil didn't sign the Raven contract that he and Riko had waterboarded Neil. Like… the implications of that????

Subpoint: Does Neil even realize that’s what happened or has he fully blocked it out??

I can’t tell if I’m just getting older or if Jeremy and Jean’s view of Wymack makes him that much more… compelling.

Jeremy’s POV during the Foxes v Trojans game. The way the Foxes picked Trojans back up so casually endearing them to Jeremy. Just that when they weren’t fighting for their lives, Foxes had time to spare energy on just being kind in a way no one had cared to see before but it’s important to Jeremy. Ugh.

Jeremy used the phrase “duty-bound” more than once to describe things he didn’t want to necessarily do. What the fuck is up with that?

Also, sir, why is your rich white ass hiding from cops. I would like the tea, please.

Renee’s rediscovered simple delights being “butterflies, fresh baked bread, the crunch of leaves on an autumn morning.” And then Jean taking that idea up and consistently listing his own simple delights as he discovered them (it might kill me yet).

“Her love was so tender it looked like grief” (I am going feral what the fuck)

Bee getting Jean to talk to her by pretending to know less than nothing about Exy and after Jean goes off about it she explains she did it because she was curious if he cared enough to explain it to her. That she wasn’t sure if they were at the court for comfort or contrition and the fact that she specifically used the word contrition…

Also the fact that she likely brought up with the goals look like because everyone seems to be under the impression that the goal has a net for some reason? I’ve read so much fanfic, the goal always gets described a hundred different ways, part of me feels like this was Nora’s way of saying “no you’re wrong!” And I laughed really hard when I read it.

Also also, I would kill to know what all Bee knows.

After the Raven game Jean made a list of every time Kevin and Neil got bullied by the Raven backliners and by the end had four full pages of scathing remarks about it. I’m not sure what to read into that, but it has not left my mind since I read it.

All of the background noise when Renee calls Jean and tells him not to watch the news. Glass breaking and yelling, a scene I’ve always wanted was Neil telling (or not) the rest of the Foxes about Riki’s death. So these little insights are so tantalizing. Wait, dear god, is it in the EC?

Jeremy’s conversation with his sister??? How a new scandal was overdue because he should end the way he started??? Neil didn’t give a shit about the Trojans and Jeremy refuses to think about it so now I’m desperate to know what the fuck that meant. Along with the comment about a fall banquet tearing his family apart????

The fact that every time Jean refers to Neil/Kevin/Andrew/Nicky’s room in Fox Tower it is always always just Neil’s room. It’s so funny to me.

Renee gave Jean her cross 😭

Wymack flew with Jean to California only to fly directly back to South Carolina. Jean referred to Wymack as unreal and I so fully agree.

Jeremy’s yo-yo.

The random “fan” calling Jean “Gene Moore” making me realize that there’s a large amount of people who would not know how to pronounce his name and how insufferable that’s going to end up being when he’s forced to handle the media and public more often.

Jean just casually grabbing Jeremy by the chin… more than once.

“You are not them.” Vs. “I won’t be like them. I won’t let you let me be.”

“I’m fine.” Vs. “Accidents happen in scrimmages.”

“Don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

Jean breaking a glass when Cat mentions Laila was going to get him a sex toy. Jeremy making it to the kitchen in record time.

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner.” Vs. “You’re Neil Josten. You’re starting striker for the Palmetto State Foxes. Your father is dead. You are safe.”

#it’s a longer list than I expected but I had to get it out #tsc spoilers #I have 290 something highlights in my copy of this book and it shows

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butididnottried · 10 months

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Of Billy antis and, apparantely, their, i guess, apprecation for Neil, more or less <3

Am gonna be “whiny” because why not Neil, whyyy never Neeeil, it’s fucking never fucking Neil, FUCK. HIM. All of my homies hate Neil.

So, this post, this fucking post, that was made, like, two days ago? Because of reason this one specific post snapped something in my brain. I don’t even know why, it’s typical anti post, with typical “oh how irremediable monster Billy is” arguments. Nothing new. Ok, the new thing is that op removed this post and apologized. Like, that’s nice and all, but also ??? People usually don’t behave like that, good for you op for handling that properly and nicely.

(I already wrote some of this post and it’s longer than i expected, so, under the cut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Funny thing is, that i started following fandom some time after season 4, because of how steddie flooded everything, and it was really nice, seriously, jut a bunch of fans cooing over their new blorbo. In a few weeks i learned very much about ST and it’s characters only from fandom (not valid very bad way of doing that, misinformation and bad takes and interpretations up to the roof xD), but from perspective of time i can recognize how weirdly selective that knowledge was, because, holy shit, from what i saw while there was no hate towards Billy, his existence was fully ignored. It took me over a month of reading fanfics before i came up to one with Billy in it (evil, very evil, because steddie need to happen somehow), and despite reading many fics with Max in them, i had absolutely no idea who the guy was. Like, the heck? Just some background bully character? With absolutely no connections to this disabled, kinda bitchy poor girl? Or fully abled, happy and with no worries bitchy girl. Depressed in canon? No sir, we don’t know her. Just superior characterization. :/

I don’t remember how i stumble to the Billy side of fandom, but wow, that was fast. While steddie side was - still then - nice nad fluffy and mostly with no real worries, Billy stans had the real, fat meat with thick gravy, and guys, my dudes, the most smartest girlies, you we’re and still are, taking this apart - child and domestic abuse, homophobia, racism, classism, repression, masculinity, objectification, parentification, disability, mental illnesess, ableism, prejudicions, writing of the show, themes, cinematography, all that stuff, just, mmm, delicioso *chefs kiss* And this is also how i learned about Billys antis, i saw how they behave and talk, how hateful they are and how steddies grew just to be most awful, sadly making ST fandom almost as bad as Star Wars fandom, if not at the same level. But. But i’m not active in the fandom, i’m one of these fans that are just stalking, watching, reading, reblogging. No, i never had to handle antis myself. (Like, it’s my third post about ST and in previous two i was just making fun of it xD) And yet i know how many, many of them are full of hate, almost deliberate ignorance and just horrible views. Listen, if somebody is harshly and negatively criticising the supernatural/fantasy side of a show, ok, we can talk and exchange opinions, because these parts of plot are not real, usually have no equivalent in real world, even if they can be metaphors for real problems, most times we don’t need to be so serious about these. But if someone says that abused character that is not, how to put it, not behaving nice about their abuse, deserve only to suffer and die, then big yikes on a red flag, because for 99,9% that’s also their opinion on real people. And like, i never was abused. My dad, while more or less neglectful, was against hitting kids, and in school, while bullied, i never was beaten up or in a real fight (but, yo, my good people, it was because i was radioactive back then so no close contact, why not), and still, i can have empathy, sympathy and fucking compassion for Billy. Just like i had it in elementary school after learning that one of my bullies was beating by his parents. We didn’t become friends or anything like that, but. It’s not that hard, to have some basic understanding.

Sooo, it feels like this is kinda too long already and not very necessary, but i just wanted you to know my, eeeh... where do i stand in fandom, my position towards it? Because it’s different, how i’m just silently hoovering above, and how you all are in this all, dealing with antis even for years, since season 2, and most probably many of you already had conversations about this, but in this almost a year i’m here i didn’t saw mentions of that thing. Maybe it was just talked to death and left behind. Because, honestly, i’m not a smart person, kinda of a dumbass even, and in no way i’m first to notice that. That thing, with antis, that i started this post with. Get back to the ponit, which is...

FUCKING NEIL.

Those two lines in post i mentioned, about “Runaway Max”.

“anyway, the amount of pure hatred i feel for billy hargrove just keeps intensifying with every chapter i read.“

“according to max, him and neil “have a lot of opinions about anyone who isn’t white and Lutheran and a man (128).“

Pure hatred for Billy. But Billy and Neil. Billy AND Neil. Are having these same bigotes views. With emphasis on “these same bigotes views”, because of course, yeah, sure, why not. But there’s no hatred for Neil. Only Billy. Neil is almost non-existent. He’s noticed only when it need to be made very crystal clear that abuse that Billy is going through is absolutely not an excuse for his actions, nuh uh, no sir, there’s a checkmark on this and that’s all, no need to say more abou that one particular man. He is schrodinger abuser - has everything to do with Billys behaviour and absolutely nothing at all. Seriously, Neil is talked about only on Billys side of fandom.

It’s fucking never “during season 2 Billy was just the worst, so violent and agressive, he was a bigot, a sexist, so SOOO so racist, a murderer and rapist and facist and nazi and he was speeding and smoking, drinking alcohol, having sex and throwing slurs left and right all the time, and he was abusing Max literally all the time and was controlling her every move just because he was an asshole and a bitch and dick and, oh the HORRORS, he was pursuing married, middle-aged woman that just simply could not say ‘no’ and cut that teenange bullshit behavior, becuase she’s a delicate and weak woman with no free wil and he’s an toxic man so she needs to do whatever he wants, i’m gonna faint any moment because of how vile and irremediable villain he is. Oh what’s that. His father is the same? Neil is using slurs? Violent towrads his own son? He’s the one making Billy hoovering over Max like a hawk? Is Neil treating Max like that? Is Max safe in her own home? What abou Susan? Oh, oh, Jail for Neil! Jail for Neil for one thousand years! And Billy too, because i hate them BOTH. They’re togehter just the worst. And in season 4, when Max admits that she’s happy that Billy died, and it’s truth and only truth and nothing more and less that just the truthies truth, and she says in her letter that Neil left? Oh, how relieveing that this monster is gone. Maybe Max and her mom are poorer right now and are living in a trailer, but at least they’re finally free of abuse, violence and bigotry.

Ah, no, sorry, it’s actually only about Billy. They just do not hate Neil. Why? Like, i know why, but WHY? I did not read “Runaway Max”, but i know that there’s a few pages long (good fucking god) of very depictive descrpition of how Neil beat the shit out of Billy. Seriously. Not only to the blood, but enough tto Billy having problems with event standing up from the floor. But his grown man hurting and teenanger is not that bad really, only kinda bad, not as much as his victim, we don’t need to focus on mr. Hargrove too much because his role in Max life is apparently not big enough to be in any way important. But i know that from Billy side of fandom, while antis are without any break relieving over and over how Billy cast dead cat on fire (not gonna lie, i personally also would not like that). But also it looks like this book is written in a way that makes Max an very reliabe narrator, that always says the most unbiased and objective truth. Well, at least antis are believing her every word. And yea, books shouldn’t at every step reminding reader that, hey, do not believe that person every word, they’re fucking kid and know almost nothing of world, but - and, eh, i don’t want it to sound like i’m throwing accusation at this book author, i don’t know this person and this is just how it looks from the outside, from opinions and quotes that i saw on both sides. But, it unfortunately looks like this author is more or less Billy anti themself, like they’re sharing and endorsing these same views at abuse. Maybe they don’t care, maybe before writing this book they watched the show once and had very shallow outcomes from it, maybe they weren’t digging deeper into that and wanted just get some fat check for writing a book for a popular franchise. Honestly, valid. But why then be so cruel and careless towards depictions of abuse? Just for shock value? Like Duffers? I guess :/

Anyway, antis. So fucking adamant of how they hate abuse, how it’s bad, how they are so good and right and caring, but the real abuser it out of their picture. It almost looks like they have nothing against him. Oh, Neil is calling Billy slurs, slapping him and humiliating? He can have that, be a violent homophobe as a treat, because i also hate Billy, so Neil is my kind of guy. But also Billy deserve to be called slurs and beaten up, so. Are they the same type of person? Antis and Neil? That’s why they don’t talk about him? Because they’re aware thay they would sound very similar to him? (i coneccted the dots lol) Neil with no doubt is a bigot. And many Billy antis are racist and ableist towards his fans. Victimblaming Billy for what’s happening to him. I’m sooo veRY PREtty sure that Neil do not want to do these things to Billy, but this boy just don’t know how to behave properly, like a real man, with respect and all that other bullshit, yadda yadda.

Maybe instead of stranger-rants bingo cars about bullshit that anits are repeating about Billy we should have this one shrek meme with Lord Farquaad pointing finger and text “child and domestic abuse apologizer”. Because there’s no middle ground on this topic. If in this situation you’re againts Billy, then you’re on Neils side. You’re against any kind of abuse, or you’re just an asshole that is using poor excuses to doom ceartain people to suffering because you don’t like them or they don’t met your very specific and weird (and more or less unethical) morals. God fucking not bless holy shit kurwa mać ja pierdolę. :/

Or, maybe, you we’re a victim yourself and that’s why you hate Billy. But, listen, if you wen’t through hell because someone was hurting you, why you think that there are people that deserve the same? When you know how horrible and scary that is? Did you deserved that? No. Then why someone else should be abused? Because they’re reacting bad to what’s happening to them? They can’t copy in a healthy way? Hey, hey. You know what, sounds like you also can’t copy healty, if you’re harassing strangers, calling them names and use your own abuse as an excuse for how you behave, while be very, agressively firm about how Billys abuse is not an excuse to be a shitty person. Get off internet, get off fandom, really curate your safe space and get away from antis, apply some self care.

#billy hargrove #neil hargrove #runaway max #stranger things #billys antis #child abuse #fandom wank #it took me fours to write that #what the fuck #i should be sleeping #asdfghjkl #gotta take doggo on a walk instead

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ouisrslyneed1feralacadamiablog · 2 years

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Now that Sandman is kinda trending I thought I might give my shitty list of things, that were written by Neil Gaiman, for people to read. Enjoy. Or not. (Btw I did not read every single thing he wrote, 'cus that's like a lot and i have somewhat of a social life and other hobbies, but a part of my bookshelf is dedicated to his books so idk maybe I am semi qualified like my old PE teacher who was 100% stoned at all times and wasn't even a real teacher). Also I kinda left out good omens since I think it doesn't need to be mentioned anyways, its a work of art go read it. Additionally I have zero knowledge with comics so yeah u can Google his involvement with comics on ur own.

- the ocean at the end of the line.

I love it. Was genuinely horrific at points. Loved that. ( insert essay on how the book feels like a children's book written by him, but at the same time it's not and dont give your children that to read. Or do. Am i ur mom) anyway there is a very pretty version of it out with lots of pretty pictures in black and white.

10/10 will not read again I already have sleeping problems

- a study in emerald

As a lover for cosmic horror and sherlock homes, this was amazing. U can read it for free online. There is a comic/visual novel(? Idk it is all pictures and text) it's very good.

Can someone explain y most of Neil Gaimans work is illustrated. It's cool but ot doesn't seem very common with other authors.

10/10 more green slimy things yes pls

- his children's books r cool I guess

Coraline, the milk one, I am to lazy to get up from my bed but u know which one if u google it, and the graveyard book. Again all illustrated and/or haver graphic novels(whats the difference between graphic novels and comics/gen)

10/10 they make me feel like I had a cozy and happy childhood

- the sleeper and the spindle

Did I buy this one because it had two pretty lady's kissing? Maybe, but I am just too gay not to. Again illustrated. Chris Riddell did great with this one(I got up from my bed for this, btw it's 'fortunately the milk' for the book that I mentioned before) it's surprising to say the least. A twist on a classic tale.

10/10 pretty pictures, pretty ladies and a pretty story what else do u need

- the view from the cheap seats

Tbh I bought it on sale because no way am I paying 30 euros for a collection of essays and forewords. It was interesting? I guess. I enjoyed it. Half the time I didn't know what he was talking about. But maybe that was just me being on painmeds at the time of reading.

10/10 got some nice book recommendations that I probably never gonna read.

- American gods and anansi boys

So I know that American gods is kinda known and so on, but I never see much about the 'sequel'( it's not really a sequel as much it is just a different tale in the same universe with one reoccurring character. But he dies in like the first few chapters lol. Kinda.) Anyways. I enjoyed it a bit more. Take that with a grain of salt, because I can't remember shit from the books. Again it's either my very horrible memory or the painmeds. But I remember they were entertaining.

10/10 don't give Blowjobs to people who r driving a car. That's irresponsible. Just don't. (How is that pretty much the only part I remember) there is a short story that acts a bit like an epilogue or side story for American gods. Its good. Again I can't remember the plot, I just remember that it contained an important piece of lore that's finally got confirmed with the side story.

- his short stories

Mmmmmmmh. Read at own risk. I still wake up in sweat at night because of that one short story about narnia. It disturbed me. Alot. I remember Neil Gaiman wrote about this short story in the collection of essays. I hope he loves fucking with people's heads, because he certainly gave me a serious brainfuck. Then again one of the books with a collecting of sort stories is called 'trigger warning' so maybe read that as a real warning lol.

10/10 I am too stupid to understand some of his short stories (certified idiot). But a fool doesn't need to know the intentions of things, he can make fun of it regardless. Anyways. They good. They make idiot happy or sad. Depends on the story. Most likely sad and depressed. Read at ur own risk.

#neil gaiman #feral academia #academia #feral #chaotic academia #feral academic #literature #book recommendations #i am praying to the gods of gay dont make him see this #the sandman #sandman #i guess #i am not proofreading #do i look like an english major?#i minor in italian

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not-close-to-straight · 9 months

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“You could call, you know.” Max pushed right past Steve when he opened the door in mild confusion. “Or answer your phone when we call? Or maybe reinstall your answering machine? Or at the very least change the batteries in your stupid radio so we can get ahold of you.”

“Uh, hey Max.” Steve closed the door behind the snarky kid and raised his eyebrows in her direction. “How’s it going?”

“It would be going better,” Max hung her overfull backpack on the coat rack and glared at him. “If you answered your phone. Or reinstalled your answering machine. Or at the very least--!”

I love Max! She always puts a smile on my face. She is fierce and a bit terrifying at times but underneath all that she is so loyal and so sweet.

“Oh geez.” Steve hesitated only a split second before bringing his arms round her frame to hug her back. “Hey. You okay?”

“Shut up.” came the muffled order and Steve chuckled to himself before hugging her a little closer, “Yeah okay. I’ll shut up.”

“Oh my god, this is so goddamn stupid.” Max made a disgruntled noise in the back of her throat and bullied her way forward to crush Billy into the same type of hug she’d given Steve, octopus arms and too much pressure and desperation born of fear and words muffled into Billy’s chest as she grumbled, “This is so stupid, Jesus Christ, you almost died. I can hug you if I want and you aren't going to say shit about it, okay?"

I loved these moments! That first hug between Max and Billy made me so emotional! It's something he's been missing so much. Max has a tight group of friends now but Billy only had Heather. He needs all the hugs for sure.

“Thanks, Max.” Billy picked up his favorite red button up and ran his fingers over the silky smooth material. Set it aside along with a hoodie from his school in California, one he’d cut through the middle to turn into a crop top to show off his abs. He wouldn’t be wearing anything low cut or cropped or show-offy anymore. Maybe not ever again. Not now that he was fucking ugly.

😭😭😭

No Billy, you are not ugly at all.

“Susan blacks out when she drinks.” Billy informed Steve tersely, then to Max, “You come here, alright?”

“I.” Max blinked. “What?”

“You come here.” Billy’s favorite pair of jeans were well worn and skin tight, faded across his ass and across his thighs where he’d always been thick. He folded them, folded them, folded them and put the denim at the bottom of the clothes pile because they wouldn’t fit skin tight and flattering anymore, not now that he’d dropped weight and lost his muscle and he’d rather never wear them again than wear them and feel gross in it. “The next time your mom blacks out and forgets to take care of you. Next time Neil puts a hole in the wall. I’m not there to-- to distract him anymore, so.”

God, it always punches me in the face when Billy talks about it. Max doesn't even know the half of it, doesn't she? Just like everyone else.

Ten maybe fifteen minutes later the garage door opened and Steve walked through the house, into the kitchen, looking just as harried and just as stressed as Billy felt.

15 minutes and they already are stressed! Oh man, they really are meant to be together!

I love all the little moments bewteen them now. That teasing in the early part, now Steve sitting next to him on the kitchen stool, brushing their shoulders together, Steve's hand on Billy's back... They makes me smile like a loon and gasp like an idiot every time I read it. 😍

I LOVE MAX. Even before I got into the ST fandom, I always really really loved her character and tbh writing more in depth about the people surrounding her (specifically BillySteve obvs) has made me love her even more. She is flawless. She's very much my Natasha character where yeah she'll cut a bitch and even when she hugs you it might be terrifying but she'll also love you until she's bleeding out.

I have an upcoming story (christmas?) set like 5-6 years post S3 when Billy comes back to Hawkins and older Max is just... fantastic. She's just FANTASTIC.

Max definitely didn't know the half of what went on in that house but she's also still young enough to not really see how bad it is. Susan blacks out when she drinks but Max has never felt in danger before, she just helps her mom to bed or whatever and waits for Susan to sober up. BILLY knows how dangerous things can get when someone's black out drunk though, so to him, Susan getting like that puts Max in immediate danger and he doesnt like that. And now that he's out of hte house, he can actually do something to protect her. Now that he's not fighting for his own life every single second he can actually expend some energy to help his sister.

I adore all the little moments between them. This fic definitely has some smutty smutness to it but in the mean time yeah I'm basically swooning over them sitting next to each other willingly lol

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readingrobin · 2 years

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A little bit late, but here are the rest of the books that I managed to finish before the end of @logarithmicpanda's summer readathon. By some miracle I read 22 books during the month of June. Absolutely bonkers.

Books Finished:

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao - One of the most refreshing books I've read in a LONG time. Just the pure, raw emotion poured onto the page that comes to a satisfying and cathartic head at the climax. Honestly, we need to carve out more of a space for women's anger in fiction without making them out to be horrible monsters for actually being upset at their situations. So much in YA fiction, the female lead always has to be merciful, always has to be the bigger person in the end, but here, there's really no time for mercy and no one that won't ultimately take advantage of it. Can't wait for the sequel! (5/5)

The Last House on Needless Street by Catriona Ward - An ultimate mindfuck of a book. It's the kind of story you immediately want to reread just so that you can go back and see everything knowing what you do now. Also, has such a strangely satisfying and hopeful ending that you don't really see in horror too often. (4/5)

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett - Not my first time with Good Omens, I've probably read the book maybe three times now, but it's my first time with the audiobook. The one I listened to had a full cast, complete with David Tennant and Michael Sheen as Crowley and Aziraphale. Naturally, their performances were excellent and it was neat to see them put new spins on dialogue that they had already read for the show, as well as put their voices to scenes that didn't make the transition to the screen. (Aziraphale's possession world tour was a highlight.) The rest of the cast was amazing as well, like Arthur Darvill as Newt, Gabrielle Glaister as Madame Tracy and Louis Davison as Adam. Definitely recommended for those who love the show. (5/5)

No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood - Had to read this one for work and I wasn't too blown away by it even though it was shortlisted for the Booker Prize. It's a sort of almost autiobiographical story about a woman's experience with her rise in social media fame, with the first part mostly being tiny chunks of texts of "hot takes" I've seen a lot around the Internet and the second half taking a more emotional, personal turn. However, because of the writing style, I never really felt attached to the main character, and her grief and loss just rang a little hollow for me because of it. It's a book where you have to be familiar with Internet culture to get all the references and nuance, but not too familiar to the point where all these takes are just expected at this point. It'll have an impact on some people, but I wasn't one of them. (2/5)

How to Fracture a Fairy Tale by Jane Yolen - An anthology of fractured fairy tales that I had a better time reading than Yolen's other collection The Emerald Circus. There was a lot of variety in the kind of stories told, there was even a good smattering of Jewish stories which I rarely see, so it's not just your Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty retellings, though there are a bit of those here, but they find a new sort of charm through their reframings. (4/5)

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation Vol. 1 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu - Though the writing style of the translated book was a bit tough to settle into at first, I had a blast reading this one. Wei Wuxian is such a little ass and I love how his personality conflicts with the more stoic Lan Wangji. I love me a good odd couple. (4/5)

Real Hero Shit by Kendra Wells - Sort of your basic, D&D one shot plot of a ragtag group of adventurers going out on a mission to investigate disappearances in a certain town. We got the flirty fighter, a snarky spellcaster, the good-natured cleric, and the mysterious rogue. The art style was pretty good, it's something I would probably pick up if it has a continuation. It just has the one trope that annoys me of "clearly these two characters have some sort of tension, so they're just going bone it out and get it over with." (3.5/5)

#summerreadathon22 #reading challenge #readathon #summer reading

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ecoamerica · 25 days

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Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

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noumenovels · 1 year

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𝕎ℍ𝕐 𝕀 𝔸𝕄 𝕒 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔸ℕ

So, why become religious? It may seem increasingly irrelevant to the world, and many people want to leave it behind as something unintelligent, like Richard Dawkins, or Bertrand Russell, who’s quoted as saying: “Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines.”

But not only am I joining a religion, but one supposedly supplanted by monotheism.

Weren’t we supposed to believe in less and less gods to reach this enlightened atheism? Monotheists are Atheists towards every other god, and we were supposed to become full atheists after that. Why am I going back to believing in many and all gods? Especially as a former atheist.

Well, this is the story about exactly how I came to choose to go backwards on that progress.

You can say that it started when I grew out of my edglord atheist phase and became a (LaVeyan) Satanist. What? I grew out of being an edgy atheist and became an even edgier one? Not exactly. In middle school, I was big into reddit Atheism, and you better believe I was cringe as fuck. You better believe if I had a time machine --(Along with trying out the original coke recipe [1])-- one of the first thing I'd do is give middle school me a big slap to the face.

Eventually (thankfully) I grew out of it come the start of high-school. I came to understand that religion came naturally to humans. Hell, I had a front row seat to that considering reddit/new atheism had practically become one.

Understanding that about religion, I turned to Satanism. If religious behavior like searching for a higher purpose was inevitable, I thought I might as well have joined one, and since I was as of yet unconvinced of religious arguments, I turned to one of the only "Secular" (In massive air quotes) religion that I could philosophically justify.

And even though that philosophy and religion is strictly materialist, It got me thinking in spiritual ways. What was more was me getting into Søren Kierkegaard, and started working him into my own Satanic philosophy.

This went on for a good while before I started questioning my "faith" again. I forgot what caused me to question it again, but I did. I decided to put it to the back-burner and focus on it later.

fast forwards a couple months after that, and I was getting back into the swing of trying to be a writer (I'm pursuing writing novels, should probably have mentioned that earlier) and, under the influence of Neil Gaimen's American Gods and Rick Riordan's novel universe, I sought out to write my own mythology crossover story, where all world mythologies existed and had to do battle with a new pantheon that was emerging.

Part of the writing process was research into the mythologies themselves. Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Roman, Native American, Aztec, Japanese, whole shebang.

I forgot what happened or where I was looking, but I ran into the idea that none of, or most, of these cultures didn't take a literal interpretation of their myths.

Which wasn't odd to me at the time. I already knew that, contrary to cringe reddit retards on r/atheism such as Aron Ra, Mediaeval church-men and clergy didn't think that the bible was literal (for more on this, check out the History for atheists blog, that guy knows his shit and does his research).

But that did get me into looking not just at the mythologies, but at the religious practices of these cultures, so I could learn how the Gods were viewed from the worship angle.

A few miles down the rabbit hole and I was reading about philosophy of religion and basically converted to reconstructionist paganism.

Currently, I find myself drawn towards Anglo-Saxon Heathenry and Celtic/Irish/Scottish Polytheism, as those two religions can be seen as part of my heritage (English on my Moms side, Scottish on my Dads side), though, not to say that heritage is all there is. I don't care what race you are, you can worship any god granted you respect the traditions attached. Folkists should shit the fuck up about race and go back to being irrelevant.

What a journey, right? Going from reddit atheist, to enlightened regular Atheist, to Satanist, and now a Polytheist.

Now, what were the arguments in question that converted me?

The arguments came from a myriad of sources, such as John Michael Greer, Steven Dillon, Oceam Keltoi on YouTube, and even Søren Kierkegaard and his stuff on religion and belief in a god. Although this time it's Kierkegaard in a Polytheist context. And this came at a time when I was questioning my at-the-time faith, so I was more receptive to these arguments, not that they would have not convinced me otherwise.

My argument for Polytheism is that both monotheism and even atheism relies upon special pleading in regards to religious experience. religious experiences roughly being defined as experiences interpreted as having spiritual or divine origin during religious practice.[2] If tumblr doesn't have word limits, I'll go on to explain the argument.

If this arguments convinces you, Great! If they don't, also Great! I'm not an evangelist looking to convert you to save your soul from Ragnarök or whatever. Again, this is story time, not wanting to convince you time.

How are atheism and Monotheism special pleading? well, firstly, let's address Monotheism since that's the easiest and shortest one to explain.

Given that monotheists only posit one god, they need to find some way to dismiss other's experiences in order to continue to hold that there is only one god. This is usually done one of three ways:

Arguing that the entities experienced are actually demons.

Arguing that the entities experienced don't exist.

arguing that the entities experienced are their gods in disguise.

They all engage in special pleading since they present arguments can can be evenly matched by other religions and their arguments.

Why Woden and Lugh Demons and Christ is the only god if I can just as easily proclaim that Jesus is just a highly powerful Elf or a Leprechaun? And it's the same sort of argument for the other two. Why do your gods exist and mine don't? or, Why are my experiences just your god in disguise or misinterpreted if I can just as easily say that Christ is a misinterpretation of Thunor, the real savior of mankind?

regardless, the arguments presented can be said the same way going anyway.

Then the Christians pull out their bibles and shout: "But We Have The Word Of God, Here! We Have Textual Evidence Revealed To Humanity!"

As if I can't also cite the English poem "Beowulf" or Lebor Gabala Erenn, AKA The Book of the Takings of Ireland, AKA The Book of Invasions.

For more on this argument, I'll direct you to a video explaining this argument which came from John Michael Greer's book "A World Full Of Gods: An Inquiry into Polytheism"

youtube

Now, onto the Atheists. How do they engage in special pleading?

Atheists typically chalk experiences like that to the brain playing tricks on the individual in question. something like chemicals and other feelings at work.

However, I could ask how they know other sensations aren't also mental products of things that aren't also there.

The consistent skeptics on this acknowledge that the brain-in-a-vat theory is unfalsifiable, but at least implicitly, they choose the validity of experiences when they also ask for evidence of God, something they can experience.

But to say that material experiences (five senses) are valid and mental experiences (dreams, divine/spiritual) are not is a form of special pleading. It posits one form of experience is valid while the other is not, despite holding equal weight on the face of skepticism.

But if you can't be certain either way, why believe in the Gods?

It all goes back to Søren Kierkegaard. I decided to take the leap of faith that he was talking about that individuals should do. and Taking that leap was the greatest decision I could say I could make.

Also. While I'm writing this, Nick Land, another philosophical influence of mine, is currently talking a lot about god on his twitter (circa, mid January 2023).

As well as Justin Murphy, who is also an Accelerationist, styles himself as a "Secular Catholic". So belief in a god is not incompatible with Accelerationism, which is the political philosophy I second most style myself as (Second to Paul-Emile de Puydt's "Panarchy" [3])

It might make sense given what Deleuze and Guattari (hereafter: D&G) have said about God "being a lobster"[4]

Whenever we're talking about D&G the lines between the two blur due to their conception of "virtuality/actuality" (or the virtual being more real than the actual), but it's safe to say that when they speak of God they are likely referring to the transcendental thing-in-itself as they are continental philosophers in the Kantian tradition, and Kant believed that the thing-in-itself was God (or at least it was the last place for a god to hide).

I'm not well read in D&G, so don't take what I'm about to say as gospel or anything to go on, but a lot of that sounds like semantics. When I refer to Gods as a polytheist, I'm referring to actual individuals cognitively independent entities the same way people normally talk about a God or the Gods.

But regardless of the Accelerationist take on God, I don't see classical theism or classical polytheism as incompatible with accelerationism.

To me, at least, accelerationism is concerned only with the material world and how social codes update, get corrupted, or withered by bugs. With scarce few exceptions, I don't see any sort of tradition metaphysics as incompatible with it.

If you've read this far, I'd give you a cookie. but since we're not in person, best I can do is send you an amazon link to my favourite kind: https://www.amazon.ca/Chips-Ahoy-Rainbow-Cookies-258g/dp/B08T313YP6/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2WOQ55FICOFCR&keywords=chips+ahoy+rainbow+cookies&qid=1673830756&sprefix=chips+ahoy+rain%2Caps%2C259&sr=8-2

Shit I referenced:

[1] https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/cocaine-coca-cola/

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_experience

[3] https://www.panarchy.org/depuydt/1860.eng.html

[4] https://youtu.be/v4eY6QrIh3A

#paganism #pagan #story time #conversion #religion #ranting #accelerationism #panarchy #Youtube

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magniloquent-raven · 3 years

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soulmate au part 3!!!!

(read part 1 and part 2 here)

it takes three weeks for anything to happen.

they see each other at school, exchange glances in class, brush past each other in the hallways, fingers grazing as their shoulders bump, incidental touches that wouldn’t draw attention but still leave billy tingling and giddy and embarrassed at himself but…

he’s still getting used to having a soulmate. a real, tangible person he can reach out and touch.

and maybe he’d get used to it faster if he could touch him more, but life keeps conspiring against them. they can’t seem to get a second alone. when it isn’t steve’s kids are crawling all over him 24/7 it’s neil breathing down billy’s neck because he ran out on one fucking class.

well, and then had to lie to neil about why, which was probably what put neil on high alert, but still.

three goddamn weeks.

and neither of them have been patient about it. steve keeps writing billy notes. in the middle of class scrawling things like you have nice eyes and i wanna spend time with you and billy can fucking feel how smug steve gets about making him blush. it’s all he can do not to make a scene in front of half their peers. sometimes he’s not sure if he’d punch steve for being an asshole or kiss him for being sweet.

or both. he can do both.

but mostly he wants time, and somewhere to just...be. with steve.

and he gets that, three weeks after their conversation in the parking lot. steve’s parents will be out of town, and his kids have some stupid game night planned. max keeps asking to go but pretending she isn’t, badly feigning disinterest, and best of all, neil and susan are planning a weekend trip to visit susan’s bedridden aunt a few hours away.

billy is determined to take full advantage of those thirty-six hours. neither of them will acknowledge it directly, but he knows max will tell neil he was home all weekend if she has to. he has no reason to be nervous about being caught, or anything else. it’ll be fine.

it’ll be fine.

he tells himself that over and over but it doesn’t stop him from checking every corner of the house in case neil’s hiding behind a door somewhere before he can even think about getting ready to leave.

he checks again after he’s showered and dressed.

thankfully max is already gone, so she’s not there to see him pacing around like a neurotic rat in a maze.

it almost worse that he isn’t just anxious, he’s excited. and it’s making him twitchy.

there’s no plan. they aren’t going on a date or anything. he’s just...going to steve’s house. steve’s empty house. he’s going to be alone with his soulmate. the list of reasons why that scares him is endless.

and he’s not sure if he’s more terrified of the possibility that steve won’t ask about the makeup thing or the possibility that he will.

knocking on the harringtons’ front door is. an experience. it shouldn’t be. it’s just a fucking door. but billy’s palms are sweating and suddenly he has no idea what he’s even going to say, and he keeps glancing over his shoulder even though he doesn’t really know what he’s looking for, and it feels like he’s been standing on the porch for a fucking eternity but—

his worries don’t exactly melt away when steve opens the door but there is a warm flutter in his chest that’s...new. and distracting.

and steve smiles at him all sunshine and chocolate, and the second the door closes behind them he grabs billy’s hand, wide-eyed, questioning, watching billy’s reaction.

his palm is just as sweaty as billy’s and it’s gross, but also kind of comforting.

“hello to you too,” billy snickers, and steve visibly relaxes, lacing their fingers together properly.

“hi,” he breathes quietly, his gaze soft, but intense, focused. “waiting sucked, okay. i’ve been wanting to do that forever.” he shakes their joined hands for emphasis.

“...that all you were waiting to do?”

steve’s grin turns sly, and his gaze drops a little. “no.”

billy wants to kiss him. he wants to be kissed. he wants steve’s mouth on him, somewhere, anywhere, right now. it’s a nice mouth. he’s spent a lot of time looking at it, and thinking about it, about the way the steam from the showers turned his lips so, so red, wet and slick and both too close and too far away, wondering what he’d taste like—

but steve turns away, taking all the air in billy’s lungs with him. it’s so jarring a shift that billy actually sways a little before he gets ahold of himself and lets steve tug him by hand and lead him upstairs.

the wallpaper in steve’s room has to be some kind of hate crime, but billy doesn’t have time to dwell on it, because there’s a beige bag sitting conspicuously on top of steve’s neatly made bed. the clear plastic top is zipped shut, dusty with age and spilled powders, but billy can still make out tubes of lipstick and eyeliner pencils through the haze.

he stops in the doorway and stares at it, thoughts at a stand-still.

steve’s still clutching his hand, tighter now, and no longer pulling him along. “i—uh. the bag was my mom’s, i think. found it crumpled up under the sink, so, like. she probably doesn’t even remember it exists. and the stuff in it is...new.”

“...new,” billy echoes faintly.

“yeah. yeah, i—i bought it. had no idea what i was looking for though, so i hope i did alright.”

billy blinks at him.

“was—was that okay? i know maybe isn’t exactly a yes, but i kinda hoped it could be, y’know? it’s—it’s totally cool if it isn’t. if you’re—if you’re not up for it. or…” he trails off awkwardly and grimaces.

billy takes a breath. “i’m up for it,” he assures steve with more confidence than he feels.

and steve absolutely beams at him. “yeah?”

“yeah.”

turns out steve not knowing what he was looking for meant he bought...everything.

as billy pokes through the mess he tries not to feel too apprehensive. or at least tries not to let it show. too much. he chews his thumbnail, picking up an eyeliner pencil with the other hand. it’s good shit, all the products are, with fancy names for colours and designer labels. it’s all leagues better than the drugstore clearance shelf crap he lifted as a kid. which doesn’t make this any less nerve-wracking.

“it’s been a while since i did this, so. don’t expect it to be, fucking, art or anything.”

steve shuffles closer from his spot at the foot of the bed and touches billy’s knee. “the eyeliner earlier this year…?” he gestures vaguely at his own face, eyebrows raised.

“friend of mine did that,” billy mutters.

and then his whole goddamn life came crashing down around him because of it.

his anxiety spikes, and he drops the pencil back into the pile, shoving the bag away. “i can’t fucking do this,” he snaps, and he’s halfway standing already when steve reaches for him, alarmed.

“billy, wait—” the hand on his elbow is soft, gentle, but he still flinches away. steve withdraws, fingers curled, lips parted, shock and hurt at war on his face. “i’m sorry. i—shit, i’m sorry—”

“don’t.” billy shakes his head, pulling away further. his lungs hurt. there isn’t enough air in this room. “just—forget it. this was a mistake.”

he’s through the door and heading down the stairs before he can think about it, before steve can respond. he wouldn’t have heard him anyways, not over the echoes of his father’s voice that follow him no matter how fast he flees.

but he stops just short of leaving. stands on the ugly little mat by the front door and stares down at it, his forehead inches away from resting against the wooden doorjamb.

he doesn’t want to leave.

he doesn’t want to go anywhere but back upstairs.

and...he kind of hates it. he has no reason to want that. he barely fucking knows steve, and he certainly doesn’t owe him anything. not a look at his authentic self or even a fucking apology. nothing.

so why does he want to give him all of that and more.

why.

it’s fucking terrifying and ridiculous and confusing and…

“billy?” steve calls out tentatively, far enough away that billy doesn’t startle. he’s making his way down the stairs.

if he’s gonna run, it’s now or never.

now…

or…

he turns around, and leans back, his shoulder thudding heavily as he hits the wall. his eyes itch, and rubbing them doesn’t help.

“billy…” steve’s right in front of him now, hovering just shy of being close, worry etched into every line of his face. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have pushed, i’m sorry—”

“not your fault,” billy mumbles, muffled against his palm. “stop apologizing, harrington.”

steve sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. “i...uh.”

“you were gonna do it again weren’t you.”

“...no.”

billy snorts quietly, head falling against the cold wallpaper at his back. “fuck,” he exhales, hand dropping to his shoulder. “look, this is...threatening to be the best fucking thing that ever happened to me, and good things don’t just—it never lasts. it always blows up in my face, and you should know that before you get caught up in it too.”

there’s an awful, drawn-out pause while steve purses his lips and tilts his head and looks billy up and down, his gaze gentle despite the scrutiny.

“i want to touch you,” steve says quietly. he waits for billy’s hesitant nod before he wraps his arms around and tucks his face into the crook of billy’s neck. “i’ve been waiting for you my whole life, hargrove, you’re not scaring me off that easily.”

and...billy always wanted to believe in the romantic notions people wrote about in songs. soulmates being destined for each other. epic, unconditional love. he never had any reason to believe it was real, but he clung to it anyway. despite the part of him that was wary, afraid of putting too much stock in something that might break his heart later on.

so for steve to just outright say it like that…so matter of fact. the reality of the situation smacks him in the face a little.

he puts his hands on steve’s waist, slipping under his shirt to rest against soft bare skin. touching him feels...right. when he lets himself feel, lets himself be here, in the moment. the sweet scent of steve’s hair, the warmth of his breath, the soothing pressure of his fingertips smoothing the wrinkled fabric of billy’s shirt. it all adds up to a feelings that billy can only describe as home.

not home like the place, but home like the warmth of sunlight and sand between his toes, ocean spray on his lips. a feeling he’s always had to chase to capture, but somehow it’s...here. quiet and still, and nothing like he’s used to, but it’s here.

and his touch seems to put steve at ease as well, he practically melts into billy’s embrace, which does strange and addictive things to billy’s heart.

but he can’t just shut his fucking mouth and enjoy the moment.

“bet i could, though. scare you off. i might, some day.”

“billy,” steve sighs, and pulls back enough to look him in the eye. “trust me when i say, you’ll never even make the top ten scariest things i’ve seen.”

and he wants to scoff, or feel insulted, or push the issue, start a fight, but. there’s a hollow look in steve’s eye. it’s not the face of some sheltered rich boy who thinks he’s a big man, no, there’s truth there. billy believes him.

stopping the tide of questions is almost physically painful, but he knows there’s no going down that road today. he’s hiding enough of his own skeletons to be sure they aren’t ready for that yet.

he might just be ready for something else though.

“i wanna try again.”

steve blinks at him, confused for a beat, two, and. “oh!” his lips part around the exclamation, distracting billy for a moment. “the—the makeup? you don’t— you don’t have to.”

“i want to.” he hesitates, and then presses a brief kiss to the tip of steve’s nose, startling a smile out of him. billy grins back. “i want to.”

#harringrove ficlet #harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #a raven's writing desk #soulmate au #yall this au is getting out of control this fic was supposed to be one lil scene #and i didn't even do the thing i wanted to do because billy was like NO IMA DO THIS INSTEAD #so then this whole ficlet got derailed because he's a drama queen #so #there's gonna be more dlkjfkltgfd #cuz im GONNA do the idea i had #im gonna

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no-reply95 · 3 years

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Jealous Guys

Something I’ve been thinking about for a while now is the different ways jealousy manifested for John and Paul over the course of their friendship.

I’m going to look at John and Paul in turn and have a look at some of the key ways jealousy appeared, before, during and after the Beatles period. This will be a looooong post so if you want to go on deep dive keep reading below.

John

Jealousy was something that John acknowledged as a big part of his personality, as far as I’m aware, he only acknowledged his jealousy publicly in terms of his relationship with Yoko but I believe jealousy was a feature of all of John’s major relationships. John’s first real partnership was with Pete Shotton, his childhood best friend, and Pete has outlined how John’s jealousy and possessiveness was a feature in their friendship with them falling out when Pete first started showing interest in girls and with John acting out when Pete started to spend more time with other friends, instead of him, here Pete recounts John’s reflection on this period of their friendship:

“Years later John confessed to having felt acutely jealous throughout that interlude: “I was scared shitless I’d lost you after our fight in science class, when you starting playing with David Jones. I really thought I’d gone too far with you that time.“

Pete Shotton, John Lennon: In My Life , 1983

Pete’s recollections establish a pattern in John’s life of acting out due to a fear of abandonment and losing those who are closest to him so it’s not surprising that once John had formed a strong bond with Paul that would stir similar fears in him.

Below I’ve categorised the groups of people that were the focus of John’s jealousy and have picked one person from each group as an example:

Family - Jim McCartney

Paul’s family was and continues to be a big part of his life. From the outset of their friendship, John was made aware of how important Jim was to Paul and vice versa. John and Paul had to skip school to hang out together because Jim wouldn’t have John in their house initially and John confessed his resentment of Jim’s influence over Paul’s life. It appears that after some time John grew tired of having to contend with Jim for the position of the most important person in Paul’s life, and this culminated in John giving Paul a pseudo ultimatum as John discussed in 1971:

“But Paul would always give in to his dad. His dad told him to get a job, he fucking dropped the group and started working on the fucking lorries, saying, "I need a steady career." We couldn't believe it… “So I told him on the phone, "Either come or you're out." So he had to make a decision between me and his dad then, and in the end he chose me”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Friends - Mal Evans

Throughout the active years of the band it was typical of them to refer to each other as their best friends and, given the lives they led, I think the simple fact that no one else could understand what it was like to be a Beatle would have meant they all shared a special bond. However, they all had friendships outside of the band and this was something that could cause issues for John when it came to Paul.

According to Tune In, Mal initially became friends with Paul during the band's initial shows at the Cavern Club then, after a suggestion from George, Mal became a part of the Beatles entourage thereafter. Mal had friendships with all the Beatles, as part of their inner circle, but from his comments it appears John took umbrage with the closeness of Mal’s friendship with Paul:

“Paul would suddenly come in with this circle saying, “This is Magical Mystery Tour, will you write that bit?” And I was choked that he’d arranged it all with Mal anyway, for a kickoff, and had all this idea going”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Mal also comes up when John discusses his recollections of the writing of Eleanor Rigby:

“So rather than ask me, “John, do these lyrics—” Because by that period, he didn’t want to say that – to me. Okay? So what he would say was, “Hey, you guys, finish off the lyrics,”... “ Now, I sat there with Mal Evans, a road manager who was a telephone installer, and Neil Aspinall, who was a not-completed student accountant who became our road manager. And I was insulted and hurt that he’d thrown it out in the air”...” There might be a version that they contributed, but there isn’t a line in there that they put in.“

Playboy interview, David Sheff 1980

John’s discomfort with the closeness of Paul’s relationship with Mal was something that wasn’t lost on Mal’s wife Lil:

“He was always at their beck and call. He was a nice fella to have around, so much so that it could provoke little jealousies within the band. When I met Yoko years after Mal died, she said John had told her he’d been very jealous at one point of Mal’s relationship with Paul.”

Lil Evans interview with Ray Connolly, 2005

Love interests - Linda McCartney

Throughout their friendship both John and Paul had quite a few love interests, which (to varying degrees) prompted jealousy between them.

Although John displayed jealousy of a few of Paul’s love interests this was no more apparent than with Paul’s first wife Linda McCartney, which is confirmed by both John’s words and actions regarding Linda and her partnership with Paul:

“"Then Klein informed Lennon that McCartney had secretly been increasing his stake in Northern Songs. ‘John flew into a rage,’ recalled Apple executive Peter Brown. ‘At one point I thought he was really going to hit Paul, but he managed to calm himself down.’ One unconfirmed report of this meeting had Lennon leaping towards Linda McCartney, his fists raised in her face"

Peter Doggett, You Never Give Me Your Money

"Int: When did you first meet her [Linda]? John: The first time I saw her was after that press conference to announce Apple in America. We were just going back to the airport and she was in the car with us. I didn't think she was particularly attractive, I wondered what he was bothering having her in the car for. A bit too tweedy, you know. But she sat in the car and took photographs and that was it. And the next minute she's married him."

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

“I was reading your letter and wondering what middle aged cranky Beatle fan wrote it... "What the hell—it’s Linda! . . . Linda— if you don’t care what I say—shut up!—let Paul write—or whatever.”

"Of course, the money angle is important—to all of us—especially after all the petty shit that came from your insane family/in laws—and GOD HELP YOU OUT, PAUL—see you in two years—I reckon you’ll be out then"

Draft letter from John Lennon to Linda McCartney, circa 1971

"The presumption is a) the Beatles would get together again or are even thinking about it and b) if they got together, John and Yoko split, Paul and Linda split"

John (with Yoko) talks to John Fielding on Weekend World, 1973

"John often speculated on why Paul and Linda remained married while, at the same time, resenting their evident happiness, to the extent that he had Green do a tarot reading to ensure him that Paul and Linda were really secretly miserable and were going to divorce within a year"

According to Fred Seaman and John Green, source

Paul

Of course jealousy wasn't a one-way street in the Lennon-McCartney relationship. Unlike with John, for Paul I'm focusing more on the key people I believe his jealousy, regarding John, was directed to:

Stuart Sutcliffe

John met Stu at Art College and struck up a really close friendship with him. At the point that John met Stu, John had already become friends with Paul so Paul felt threatened when Stu entered the picture:

"When he [Stu] came into the band, around Christmas of 1959, we were a little jealous of him; it was something I didn’t deal with very well. We were always slightly jealous of John’s other friendships.

When Stuart came in, it felt as if he was taking the position away from George and me. We had to take a bit of a back seat."

Paul McCartney, Anthology 2000

"Paul was saying something about Stu’s girl – he was jealous because she was a great girl, and Stu hit him, on stage. And Stu wasn’t a violent guy at all."

John Lennon, 1967 Anthology 2000

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I’d believe him. We were awful to him sometimes. Especially Paul, always picking on him. I used to explain afterwards that we didn’t dislike him, really."

John Lennon, The Beatles Hunter Davies 1968

Yoko Ono

Of all the relationships I've already discussed, the relationship and jealousy displayed from Paul towards Yoko is probably the most widely discussed in Beatles historiography and general discourse. From the official start of Yoko's relationship with John in 1968 it was clear that Paul resented her presence in John's life and her proximity to the band:

"He even sent them [John and Yoko] a hate letter once, unsigned, typed. I brought it in with the morning mail. Paul put most of his fan mail in a big basket and let it sit for weeks, but John and Yoko opened every piece. When they got to the anonymous note, they looked puzzled, looking at each other with genuine pain in their eyes. ‘You and your Jap tart think you’re hot shit’, it said."

Francie Schwartz, Body Count 1972

"Cause she’s [Yoko] very much to do with it from John’s angle, that’s the thing, you know. And I – the thing is that I – there’s— Again, like, there’s always only two answers. One is to fight it, and fight her, and try and get The Beatles back to four people without Yoko, and sort of ask her to sit down at the board meetings. Or else, the other thing is to just realize that she’s there, you know. And he’s not gonna sort of – split with her, just for our sakes."

Paul McCartney, Let It Be Sessions, 1969

"I told John on the phone the other day that at the beginning of last year I was annoyed with him. I was jealous because of Yoko, and afraid about the break-up of a great musical partnership. It’s taken me a year to realise that they were in love. Just like Linda and me."

Paul McCartney, interview with Ray Connolly, 1970

What are the similarities and differences in the way jealousy manifested for John and Paul?

I think it's obvious but bears repeating that both John and Paul displayed jealousy towards other people who they felt would threaten their relationship so that's central to all the instances I have flagged, Jim, Mal, Linda, Stu, Yoko all posed real or imagined threats to John and Paul's partnership.

However, you'll note that I included more sources to display John's jealousy regarding Paul and that I categorised John's jealousy targets whereas I only pulled out two key individuals for Paul, this isn't to say that John was more jealous than Paul was, as jealousy isn't something you can quantify, but to highlight my opinion that Paul's jealousy regarding John was more targeted than John's jealousy regarding Paul. I think what stands out to me is that, I think generally Stu and Yoko are held up as the prime examples of Paul's jealousy of other people getting close to John, as far as we know, Paul never had significant issues with other people who formed close relationships with John like Pete Shotton, Cynthia Lennon, Magic Alex etc., why was that? I think that Paul was more threatened when he felt that John was replacing him so by bringing Stu into the band (even though he wasn't a musician) and Yoko into the studio (one instance where Paul was especially hurt was when John gave Paul's line in The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill to Yoko to sing), Paul perhaps felt that his place as John's primary collaborator was in jeopardy and that he could lose a partnership that had become central to his self-worth as a person - that, I believe, was when his jealousy was most likely to rise to the fore. John, on the other hand, had a much wider range of targets when it came to jealousy regarding Paul, why was John jealous of Linda? Linda wasn't trying to replace John as Paul's collaborator, if anything she wanted the Lennon-McCartney partnership to be stronger. Why was John jealous of Mal? Mal wasn't a musician, Mal was a huge fan of the band and constantly worked to fulfil their requests, so why was John so threatened by his friendship with Paul? For me, John's jealousy regarding Paul was more than just a fear of directly being replaced, I believe John's jealousy was fundamentally triggered by a fear of abandonment. I think the childhood trauma John experienced, of being left by both his parents, meant that whenever any of his close friendships and relationships were threatened, or he felt that someone close to him may leave him, he would act out. John fell out with his childhood best friend Pete when he got a girlfriend, John hit Cynthia when he saw her dancing with Stu, John was rude to several of Paul's love interests and ultimately John never fully accepted Paul's relationship with Linda because, although he could see that she could offer Paul the family life he always wanted, John didn't want Linda to take Paul away and give him a family that meant that Paul would no longer be able to prioritise John in his life as he had in the past.

Ultimately, we'll never know all the ways that jealousy factored into John and Paul's relationship with each other and those around them, as I'm sure it impacted several relationships in more complex ways than I can articulate (i.e. I suspect jealousy played a part in Paul's initial resentment of Brian but they grew closer over time so maybe Paul's jealousy lessened over time or Brian became less of a threat?). I do think it's important to consider that jealousy was present on both sides and was likely a factor in the breakdown of John and Paul's relationship, the breakdown of the Beatles and was a continued factor in disrupting reconciliations between John and Paul into the 70s and 1980.

#the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #john and paul #paul and linda #john and yoko #jealous guy #linda mccartney #yoko ono #stuart sutcliffe #mal evans #jim mccartney #brian epstein #long post #thoughts

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i-did · 3 years

Note

Do you know when the racism and ableism accusations against Nora started? Because back when I was active in 2016/2017 and don't think they were a thing, or were very low-key. Was it something she said or are people just basing it off the things she wrote in the books?

From what I remember, the first time I heard the blanket statement of “Nora is racist/fetishizes gay men” blanket statement was early fall 2019 (which is so ironic for the fandom to say on so many levels lmao). There wasn’t a catalyst or anything, just she went offline 2016 and no new content was coming out and the aftg fandom is such an echo chamber that… an accidental smear campaign happened.

Before then, I would see occasional “Nora used ableist slur” which… is funny (not that ableism isn’t serious) to me people care more about that than Seth saying the f-slur. IMO this is because with Seth, it clearly shows the character thinking it and not the author who is writing about what will be an end game mlm relationship.

But anyways! Long story short, it's the fact that she’s an ace/aro woman who wrote a mlm book, and based off of the events in canon. There is no “Nora called me/someone else a slur” it’s “Nora wrote a book where slur(s) are used” and “the Moriyama’s are Japanese.”

Below I put my own opinion on these claims and go into more detail:

CW for discussions of: racism, ableism, mlm fetishization

Fetishization: (and mentions of sexism at the end)

To one question in the EC about her inspo for aftg she jokingly responded how she wanted to write about gay athletes. On other parts of your blog you could see she was a hockey fan and an overall sports fan (anime or otherwise) but I've seen this statement taken out of context and framed as “she's one of those BOYXBOY” shippers. Considering how… well-developed both Andrew and Neil’s relationship is, and it takes them until like the 3rd book and there is a whole complex ass plot going on around, you can see how that's just. Not really true. And considering the fandom is like… 85% women (queer women but still women) and I've gotten into a discussion with someone who is a woman and called Nora a fetishizer and was ignoring my opinions as a mlm, and I really just wanted to say “well what does that make you?” it's a very ironic high horse. She didn’t write 3 all 3 books to put Neil in lingerie pwp or crop-top fem-fatal fashion show, fandom did.

Also, I talked to an ace/aro friend about this, and she talked to me about how AFTG spoke to her very much so as an ace/aro story. Neil is demisexual, Nora didn’t know of the word at the time of reading it, but she did get an anon asking if Neil was demi after, and she said “had to look it up, and yep, but he doesn't really think about it” (paraphrased). Obviously it would have been cool if andreil were canonly written as wlw by Nora instead, (which would have increased the amount of wlw rep and demi rep) but tbh I don’t think tumblr would have cared about it nearly as much and everyone would just call Neil a cold bitch–like people do with Nora’s other published book with a main character who's a woman. Plus they're her OC’s, not mine.

The fact is that 50% of all LGBT+ rep in literature is mlm, mostly white mlm, and not written by mlm. I’m not going to hold her to a higher standard than everyone else, she already broke a shit ton of barriers in topics she discusses that otherwise get ignored. I’m grateful to these books for existing even if it's a mlm story written by a woman. I still will prioritize reading mlm written by mlm–and vice versa with wlw– in the way I prioritize reading stories about POC written by POC. But credit where credit is due, this is a very good story, and a very good demi story.

Ableism:

To me, AFTG is a story about ableism and how we perceive some trauma survivors more worthy than others. Neil and the foxes using ableist language shows how people actually talk. Neil thinks shitty things about Andrew, like the others do too, and thinks he's “psycho”. The story ultimately deconstructs this idea and these perceptions of people. Wymack, someone who says the r-slur (which is still not known by the general population as a slur even in 2021 much less the early 2000s when the book was beginning to be written and what the timeline is based off of) is a character who understands Andrew better than most of the others do, and gives him the most sympathy and understanding despite using words like the m-slur and r-slur. Using these words isn't good, but it is how people talk, and this character talks. Wymack is a playful “name caller” especially when he’s mad, the foxes think Andrew is “crazy” and incapable of humanity and love because of it. They call his meds “antipsychotics” as an assumption and insult in a derogatory way, when really antipsychotics are a very helpful drug for some people who need them. Even Neil thinks these things about Andrew until he learns to care about him. All the foxes are hypocritical to am extent, as people in real life tend to be. Nora herself doesn’t use these or tweet them or something, her characters do to show aspects of their personality and opinions and how they change over time.

Racism:

As for the racism, I've seen people talk about how racial minorities being antagonists is inherently bad, which I think lacks nuance but overall isn't a harmful statement or belief. However, Nora herself said she wrote in the yakuza instead of another gang or mob because she was inspired for AFTG by sports anime, (which often queer-bait for a variety of reasons). I haven’t seen a textual analysis acknowledging the racist undertones surrounding the Moriyama’s as the few characters of color who are also major antagonists, but instead just “Nora is racist”. Wymack having shitty flame tribal tattoo’s is just… a huge 90’s thing and a part of his character design. Her having a character with bad taste in tattoo trends doesn’t mean she's racist. There is the whole how Nicky is handled thing, but that's a whole thing on it’s own. The fandom… really will write Nicky being all “ai ai muy spicy, jaja imma hit on my white–not annoying like me–boyfriend in Spanish. With my booty hole out and open for him ofc.” and as a Mexican mlm I’m like … damn alright.

I think there is merit to the fact that she writes white as the default* and unless otherwise stated a POC a character was written with the intent to be white is another valid criticism, as well as the fact that the cast is largely white, but everything Nora is accused of I've seen the fandom do worse. That goes to the debate of, is actively writing stereotypes for POC more harmful than no representation at all? And personally I prefer the lack of established race line that lets me ignore Nora’s canon intent of characters to be white and come up with my own HC’s over the fandoms depictions of “zen monk Renee with dark past” “black best friend Matt who got over drugs but is a puppy dog” “ex stripper black Dan who dates Matt” vague tokenism. I HC many of the upperclassmen as POC and do my best to actively give thought behind it and have their own arcs that also avoids the fandom colorism spectrum of “darkest characters we HC go to the back and fandom favorites are in the front and are the lightest.”

*I however won't criticize her harsher or more than… everyone else who still largely does this in fanfiction regarding AFTG as well as literature in general. This isn't a Nora thing, it's a societal thing, and considering the books came out in like 2014 I'm not gonna hold her to a higher standard than the rest of the world. She's just someone who wrote her personal OC’s and self-published expecting no following. I don’t know her race and I’m not gonna hold her to a higher standard than everyone else just because.

The criticisms I've seen have always been… ironic IMO, and clearly I have a lot of thoughts on it. I think most people say those things about Nora because they heard them, and it's the woke thing to say and do and don’t critically analyze their actions or anything, but just accept them.

#ask #aftg discorse #fandom culture #fandom politics #fandom psychology #mailob #damn cant wait for my words to be twisted lmao #sorry the ableism one is the shortest I wrote that one first actually

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