#re: last question ‘dream job’ <- if i absolutely had to choose it would be acting for sure

[bbreaddog]

Tagged by @jmrothwell! 💕

Are you named after anyone?

I’m not entirely sure… I have a very vague memory of my mum telling me my English name came about bc it sounded similar to a Chinese singer… but I don’t trust my memory and I’m too afraid to ask again 😬

I don’t think I’m named after anyone re: my Chinese name. Digressing here but was recently reminded that it’s a typically masculine name and that made me feel something… my English name is quite feminine so…

Wondering how my parents came to that conclusion when naming me… wondering if they knew from the start that I had both masculine and feminine energy and needed my names to reflect that or something… much to think about

When was the last time you cried?

Last night 🥲

Do you have kids?

I don’t have my own, but sometimes I refer to my students as my kids. Not for sentimental reasons tho, it’s just easier to say less syllables 👍

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, not at all (deadpan) (lying) (so much)

Sometimes I will deliver things in a way where even I can’t tell whether I’m being sarcastic or not

What sports do you play/have played?

God, my school valued sports so much that I’ve probably tried every sport under the sun.

Ones I regularly trained in at school: tennis, basketball, softball, netball, table tennis, swimming

At uni (all dance genres): tap, jazz, ballet

I did yoga and Pilates for a bit after graduating, but I haven’t been able to do much physical activity the past two years for health reasons 🥲 I would so love to be able to do dance classes again. I really found my groove in third year uni about it and I miss that a lot

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Idk, their clothes I guess

What’s your eye colour?

Rich soil, calligrapher’s ink, a stargazer’s dream. The distance between our feet and the ground. The part of the ocean that lets no light because she loves us too much. The place in time that promises safety, protection, stability.

Endless, endless, and full of possibilities.

(Let me romanticise my black eyes, dammit)

Scary movies or happy ending?

Happy endings for SURE. I absolutely cannot do anything scary. I can’t even watch The Owl House bc the monsters in it look too scary 😭 I’ve been recommended it so many times by so many people, but I just cannot 😭😭😭

Any special talents?

Being naturally good with kids? I know I’m a teacher and this will sound really awful, but I………..don’t actually like kids. Obviously I still treat them with kindness and respect, and I can tolerate them enough to do my job properly. I can (and do) bond with them and form meaningful relationships with them. Takes a village to raise a child, and I’m part of the village, y’know?

Idk what it is, but kids just like me for some reason, without me having to really try. I find just being my usual sarcastic self who doesn’t hide when I’m pissed off is somehow very charming for kids

Jokes aside, it’s definitely a skill I’ve had to develop and refine, especially for teaching. But I’ve just been naturally good with kids since forever—I think being part of the eldest cousins pack in my family has helped a lot in that regard, bc most of my cousins are 8+ years younger than me. So, experience, I guess.

Where were you born?

In a hospital

What are your hobbies?

I am in dire need of new hobbies that aren’t physically taxing on my arm, but currently:

Drawing, reading, writing, baking, singing, playing violin or ukulele, sewing/patching

And this……is technically one of my jobs but I also just do it for fun: acting/scene/script analyses

Gif makers I am making out with you so hard bc i do so much acting analysis from watching individual gifs. IT’S JUST. SO GOOD. EVERY CHOICE IS DELIBERATE, and you can see that in a 2 second gif. You won’t believe how much you can take away from a fleeting, seemingly insignificant moment in a piece of cinema memorialised into a gif lovingly made by a passionate fan. Gifsets are arguably what got me into acting in the first place

So like obviously having a degree in acting means i am also just a huge huge nerd about scene/script analysis too, and it’s so TASTY being able to draw up a whole character profile, backstory, personality, objectives and obstacles, and so many more minute details. From like. A 3-word sentence spoken by a background character that never comes up again. IT’S SO GOOD. I could keep going on about this but this is also getting very long so I shall end it here

I JUST REALLY LOVE ACTING 😭

Do you have pets?

My dog :-) and 3 very perseverant fishies 💕

How tall are you?

Enough to reach the top of a door frame on my tippy toes

Favourite subject in school

Studio Art, but only bc my school cut the Drama dept while I was there :/ I did still really love Studio tho—maybe too much? Idk it definitely contributed to my arm issues bc I had to do a folio each for both Art and Studio Art (two diff subjects)

Dream job

No job. I do whatever I want. I heal whenever I need. I live free of capitalistic responsibilities. I live. I live. I live.

I tag (no pressure to do this): @noworneverphantom @fiddlepickdouglas @drifting-in-otter-space @badsalmonella

#mine #tag game #thanks for tagging <3 #it has been a day and an age since I’ve had any energy to do anything like this #I’ve taken the first week of term off this week bc i am still. having major major health issues. and it is not fun #it’s not relaxing if you’re thinking about what you could be doing is it? #yeah… it’s hard #re: last question ‘dream job’ <- if i absolutely had to choose it would be acting for sure #but between teaching and my health… it’s very rare that I’ll be able to do anything super meaningful career-wise in acting #I’ve turned down so many auditions to the point where my agent no longer gives me anything #maybe like one brief every 6 months now #it’s… sad. i love acting so much #but even if i quit teaching. it’s not a stable career. there’s no guarantee of a job #and it’s expensive being an actor #even more so being a disabled actor #and i like teaching. there’s a lot to gain from it. maybe not financially lol but personally. there’s a lot I’ve learnt that i can apply to #many other areas of life. including acting. so there’s that. #but teaching is not my forever job. i feel like. my health isn’t even cut out for teaching #I’ve had to take so many weeks off. i always feel guilty for leaving my kids when i do #it’s hard not to feel responsible for them even tho I’m only 30 minutes of their weekly schedule #there’s a lot to. unpack here. but we don’t have time for that #this is supposed to be a fun lil tag game but it’s 11:40pm so I’m shifting into unfiltered mode #alright well there’s that #this was legitimately fun to do tho even after all that #i love being tagged in things. even if i don’t get a chance to get to them #pls tag me in more things #<3 #personal

[f1-disaster-bi]

15 Questions

Thank you for tagging me in this @f1-birb

1. Are you named after anyone?

My middle name is my Grandmother's name, but if fictional characters count then my first name is also after someone. It's a character from a book by a classical author my Mam loves

2. When was the last time you cried?

Um, Sunday night/Monday morning while reading a AFTG fic that made me very sad and then very mad.

3. Do you have kids?

Unless you count my cat, then no. I do not have kids, but maybe someday

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to play Gaelic football, football, tag rugby and I ran cross country but not for long or very seriously?

However I did swim competitively until my late teens. I was on my town's swim team and won a good few medals for induvial and relay races. I have some County and National medals for my Butterfly stroke but I quit when it stopped being fun, I had my LC coming up and I did damage to my shoulder

5. Do you use sarcasm?

The day I don't use sarcasm is the day I die

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Hmmm, their eyes and smile? Maybe their shoulders too

7. What is your eye colour?

I have very green eyes, like proper green eyes. The kind they stereotype us Irish with sometimes 😂

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I do love a happy ending but I love horror movies more. I live and breath them. I love all the different genre's of horror except maybe gore. I'm actually planning a Scream re-watch soon even if the third movie is crap

9. Any talents?

I can sing somewhat well? I play the piano and have since I was eight but I wouldn't say I'm talented at it. I'm better at teaching it because I am not a very technical player, I am more musically inclined which makes some pieces a dick to play.

Is being annoying a talent? I'm sure my friends would argue that as well as being clumsy as one of my talents

10. Where were you born?

In a county that I didn't and have never lived in in Ireland because our local hospital was shit the year I was born (newsflash: it's still shit)

11. What are your hobbies?

I read a lot and across a lot of genres. I love a good documentary. I love writing, even it doesn't love me. I love going for walks and going swimming. I see travelling as a hobby, but by that I mean even going to a town I haven't been too back home and just wandering (I'm broke and don't have much money for international travel beyond doing so for my research).

I enjoy cross-stitching!

I adore baking and am very sad that I don't have an oven in my little flat over here in Czechia.

12. Do you have any pets?

I do! Currently I have two cats that can be considered family pets although one is purely mine and I pay for him.

There's my sisters cat Echo who is pure black and looks like Toothless with her ears back, and there is my absolute disaster of a cat, Oliver, who is white and ginger and the dumbest creature to ever grace this Earth and purrs like a tractor

13. How tall are you?

On a good day? 5'4

14. Favorite subject at school?

English and History were always my favourite subjects. I could never choose between the two. I loved reading and literature and poetry and picking things apart until they made sense.

The same with History. I loved following sources to find the truth or the best interpretation of the truth through various documents and existing literature. I like giving a voice back to moments forgotten or that haven't gotten the attention they deserve which is why I decided to make a career out of it (if possible)

15. Dream job?

I would love to be an author, but I don't have that type of talent or perseverance.

I will happily settle and aim to be a proper Historian

Time to tag some more fun people to answer these! Off to the usual suspects @princelancey, @wolfsbanesbite, @faerieroyal

#tag game #get to know emmy

[amphxtrite]

cedric diggory x slytherin fem!reader

warnings: smut, swearing, oral (female receiving), hand job, fingering, riding, kind of dom x dom, spelling/ grammar mistakes.

do not read if you are not comfortable.

summary: Badgers and snakes are born into their rivalry, even in the wild they are practically bred to fight and show their dominance. Cedric and the reader have hated each other from the moment they met. It’s not until Cedric puts his name into the goblet of fire and nearly gets killed that feelings become clear. fluff at the end.

a/n: thank you to @cedricsyellowscarf and nonnie for requesting!

word count: 4.6k

enjoy <3

__________________________________________

When you think of slytherins, what’s the first thing you think of?

Cunning, resourceful, and badass?

Y/n L/n was all the above when you thought of a stereotypical member of the house of black and green, someone who knew what they wanted and would fight with a smirk on her face.

Hufflepuffs on the other hand are thought to be loyal, compassionate, and sweet.

Cedric Diggory fit the description perfectly. The school golden boy with a pretty face and a kind personality.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. But just like in nature, the badger and the snake were born to fight.

When Cedric first met you, a chill went up his spine, everything about you screamed ‘no’ at him and had a scowl resting on his face seconds after just seeing you. Similarly, the hufflepuff gave off a goody-two-shoes aura, someone who couldn’t relax and caved into every demand thrown at them. You didn’t know why, but you had the overwhelming urge to push all this boy’s buttons and drive him insane. Maybe it was the whole ‘strict prefect, and perfect person’ thing going on, but you just wanted to have some fun with him.

You started small. Flirtatious winks, smirks and checking him out when you knew he was looking. The reactions ranged from annoyed to bashful and if you were lucky he grew absolutely seething.

“What the hell are you doing l/n?” He sighs as you brush your arm past him in the hall.

“What Diggory? Am I not good enough to be in your presence?” You scoff, turning to face him. “Listen, I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work.” The badger snarled.

“Oh Diggory, it already has.” Your smirk, brushing your wand down his jawline and licking the outside of your teeth.

Cedric couldn’t explain what got him so ticked off about you, maybe it was your care-free demeanour; someone who could get whatever she wanted with a snap of her fingers. He’d seen you in between classes, people fawning over you or begging for your forgiveness, only to be met by your stoic face. Your whole being betrayed every instinct and belief Cedric held, and the voice in his head begged to attack.

And so the battle between the badger and the snake continued, you pushed the badger’s buttons, challenging him and egging him on to snap.

“I’m not going to ask again l/n.” The brunette seethed, taking hold of your arm and pulling you back towards him after your fingers brush his back. “Ask what?” You cock your eyebrow with a grin.

“Did the pretty boy finally lose his composure?” Your grin turns malicious and Cedric pushes you against the wall. “In your dreams l/n.”

“Oh indeed you do.”

The two of you were natural born rivals, coexisting to keep the other on their toes and keep natural instincts alive. Both sides are stubborn, unwilling to let the other win. It was destined that one of you would though, these things don’t just end in draws.

As you ‘flirted’ relentlessly, Cedric’s only offence was his retaliation. He had a feeling you’d stop if he never reacted, but a piece of Cedric enjoyed the challenge and almost craved the game.

When the badger put his name into the goblet of fire you almost scoffed. Maybe you had done it, driven him off the edge and caused him to go insane. But as the boy clad in black and yellow turned to reveal a smile, you nearly choked on your pumpkin juice. How on Earth was this fool smiling at the fact he could’ve just signed himself up for a public, gruesome death.

It may be hard to believe, but even snakes can become ‘compassionate’ when it comes to things they are close too, and while you couldn’t call what you and Cedric had, a compassionate situation, a sense of worry and dread overtook your senses.

“Hey is your head in the right space?” You fall into step with the badger and place your hand onto his forehead to check if the boy was sick.

“What is your problem?” Cedric flinches back, confusion flashing onto his face as soon as your hand comes into contact with him.

“Oh I’m just checking you haven’t lost your mind Diggory.” You roll your eyes and flash a sickly sweet smile.

“It’s none of your business what I choose to do l/n, now leave me alone.” The brunette’s face remains firm.

“As you wish, your majesty.” You smirk and fall back to head to your friends.

Despite the internal fight the hufflepuff couldn’t help but almost feel sorry for the way he reacted to your gesture. It was the first time you’d shown any type of kindness towards him. And while rather strange, he knew he shouldn’t have let his aggressiveness win over his true personality.

The badger never found his voice to apologize though, and the rivalry proceeded. You wiped any trace of worry from your face and continued your mission of driving the golden boy crazy. Only thing that was different was the way Cedric reacted. When you first began your flirtatious mission, Cedric grew angry and annoyed at your attempt to gain his attention. He knew you were trying to distract him and he let it get to him.

The silver-eyed hufflepuff started to look forward to your pestering, your flirting was the only fun he got after his name was pulled from the goblet. His schedule became jam packed with training, classes and pity parties from every student who made eye-contact with him. He was happy to see that something hadn’t changed.

The first task came and had you holding your breath at each champion’s battle with their dragon. Your mouth dropped open in awe at each unique way of conquering the task, and by the time Cedric stepped up to face the Short-Snout, you were already on the edge of your seat.

Snakes are in no means known for their love, but it is known they can show compassion in subtle ways. Worry blossomed in your stomach as you watched Cedric transfigure the boulder into a dog, he was taking a huge risk using it as a distraction, when the dragon could turn at any moment. Cedric managed to grab the egg moments before the dragon lost interest in the labrador, and a weight seemed to lift from your shoulders and a small smile shone through as you joined in on the applause.

The second task arrived and the four champions dive into the water in search of their treasure. Cedric surfaced first with the girl who attended the ball with him, ensuring his spot in first. Krum was next with Hermione, Harry coming in last, but with Fleur’s person along with his.

Cedric was rather confused to see Cho at the bottom of the lake. The egg stated the treasure was the thing they missed the most, so the professors must have gotten the wrong idea when Cedric showed up at the dance with the ravenclaw, she’d simply been kind enough to be there as support because Cedric had no one else to attend with.

By the third task, the entire wizarding world was biting their nails at the anticipation of the triwizard tournament. Sitting in the bleachers in front of the massive maze, it made you uneasy you may have to sit through one of these champion’s screams, injuries or even death.

“Tied In first place we have Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter. They will enter first, shortly followed by Viktor Krum and Fleur Delacour.”

At the sound of the flare, the hufflepuff and gryffindor cautiously make their way into the green maze, choosing each step with caution and wands clutched tightly in their hands, until all that was seen was the walls of the hedge.

Cedric had endured a lot through the triwizard tournament and he was not going to give that up for anything. When he spotted Harry close by the cup, his aggressive side took over and he tried to beat the boy who lived. When Harry actually ended up saving his life, he knew there was no way he could take this victory.

The two of them touched the cup and suddenly the world morphed and they were transported to a graveyard. “A… Portkey.”

A short man enters their vision as Cedric’s weakened frame points his wand towards the intruder. “Petrificus Totalus!” The unknown man shouts as Cedric’s body seizes and he falls flat on his face, his body ignoring his constant attempts at moving to help Harry, he can only listen to everything happening as he lays uselessly against the ground.

“Cedric! Get up, we need to go now!” Harry’s frantic voice calls as He pushes Voldemort and his death eaters back. The binding pressure is suddenly released and the hufflepuff immediately jumps to his feet. He runs to the portkey, throwing back any death eaters getting too close to Harry before grabbing his hand and taking hold of the triwizard cup.

The two boys are transported back into the maze, but they waste no time rushing out and grabbing hold of the first people they see. “V-Voldemort’s back!” Harry screams, followed by Cedric’s own voice. Looks of confusion flash on everyone in the audience's face, but as the champions break down they have no way to deny it, something terrible was coming to Hogwarts.

Amos Diggory makes a beeline for his son while Harry is dragged away by professor Moody. Cedric is gasping for breath and searching around for something, someone, to keep him sane. When your eyes meet Cedric’s eyes flash in hope and he begins to limp in your direction, stumbling and falling often, but not leaving his path despite his father’s grasp. You stand to question the hufflepuff, but he simply collapses into your arms.

“I-I’m so sorry for how I t-treated you. I shouldn’t have let m-my feelings define you, a-and I hate that I despised you for n-no reason.” Cedric begins to cry in fear he could’ve died without finally getting his apology off his chest. He wraps you tightly in his arms and his breathing grows rapid. “P-Please forgive me.” He manages in between breaths and your emotionless barrier falls. “Deep breaths Diggory, you’re going to pass out if you keep this up.” You caress the boy’s back in a soothing manner, but Cedric’s murmuring only rapidly increases, and you were beginning to feel a headache. “Hey, it's alright! I forgive you.”

His muttering continues.

“Ced, please you’re bleeding, let’s go get help.”

No use.

As a final resort you gently lift Cedric’s face from the crook of your neck; tears are streaming down his face and apologies continue to flood your ears.

“Save your breath Diggory.” You smirk, pressing your lips to Cedric’s scabbed pink ones.

Your lips are still as Cedric registers your movement, his eyes widen, but slowly close as your smooth lips pull him into a daze. The slight taste of blood is forgotten as Cedric stands and cups his hands around your face, tilting his face to deepen the kiss and slip his tongue into your mouth. As he familiarizes himself with your taste a low groan emits from the back of the champion’s throat and he pulls away to look at you.

In nature, badgers and snakes are natural born enemies, but when Cedric looked into your eyes, the badger lost its temper and the snake became calm. In the Hogwarts walls the snake and the badger felt something new bubble inside them, and the statement ‘opposites attract’ finally began to make sense. Two people, so different, yet so drawn to each other. Finally giving in to their feelings, with primal instincts still flooding their senses.

“You shouldn’t have done that, once I start, I might not be able to stop.” Cedric’s voice grows low in arousal and he leans his face closer to yours.

“Then don’t stop Diggory, take me.”

Cedric immediately takes your hand in a firm grip and walks you down the bleachers, promising his father to go to the hospital wing, but entering the quidditch pitch’s change room instead.“I-I need you y/n. Fuck, you’ve made me want you for so damn long.” He moans desperately, pushing you against the stone wall and placing his hands wherever he could. You trail your fingers down the hufflepuff’s torso and nibble on his lower lip. Cedric’s hips jolt and you’re met with a sudden pressure on your lower abdomen.

“Someone’s excited.” You smirk, reaching your hand down the brunette’s trousers to take his length into your hand.

Your eyebrows raise at the champion’s size, but you don’t let it shine through as your tease your hand against him, brushing past his tip before using his precum as lubricant to move against him.

When Cedric’s face contorted into a look of pure pleasure and lust, you were sure that this was the reaction you’d wanted from Cedric from the start. Lip in between his teeth and eyes shut tight as he bites back moans and lightly tugs on your hair.

You move your hand faster, smirking in pride as loud whimpers begin to exit beautifully from Cedric’s lips and he begins rocking himself against your palm.

“You like it when I use my hand Diggory?” You tease, applying even more pressure to his aching cock as he began to twitch in your grasp.

“Oh fuck yes y/n, just like that.” The hufflepuff’s rough hands move down from your hair to grasp your face and connect your lips again, drowning out the sound of pure ecstasy leaving his mouth with each thrust of your hand.

“You better be quiet Diggory, or people will know how much of a naughty boy you are.” You whisper in a low voice.

“I’d watch your mouth if I was you.”

Cedric removes your hand from his pants and pushes you on to a wide bench, holding you down so you can’t move.

“Now it’s my turn to make you writhe.” He growls with a devilish grin, pressing open mouth kisses against your neck and sucking on the sensitive skin as he works off your skirt.

Your head falls to the side as Cedric finds your weak spot, a mewl signaling him to go harder. His hands pull down the zipper on your back and he carefully pulls it down as your intoxicating whimpers egg him further on.

“Well princess, I guess you got what you wanted.” Cedric smirks, dropping to his knees in front of you and throwing your skirt to the side.

“You’re driving me absolutely insane.”

Euphoria flows through every single nerve in your body when Cedric presses his rough fingers against your clit, the only thing separating you and pure bliss being a thin piece of fabric. Cedric uses the cloth of your panties as extra friction, slowly circling his fingers around as your back arches and your breath grows irregular. Leaning forwards, he takes the lace of your undergarment between his teeth and pulls it down your thighs, swiftly prying your legs apart as soon as your panties drop to your feet and pass your ankles. “Now be a good girl and keep these open, alright?” Cedric mutters, in a dark voice as he descends.

The hufflepuff tests the waters by licking a stripe up your core, hiding a cheeky grin at the sound of your choked moan and continuing to lap at your slick folds.

Your vision fills with dots and your mind is deprived of any thought, your only feeling was Cedric’s strong tongue flicking around and dipping in and out of your slit.

“So wet for me love?” He groans deeply, the taste of your heat, causing his arousal to grow exponentially. Your only response is the incoherent moans and curses stringing past your lips as your back arches and your body pulses in bliss.

As your hips start to buck and your legs close against his face, Cedric uses one hand to press your abdomen down and using his arm and other hand he pushes your legs apart again, your moans fueling his strength. When the brunette adds his fingers into the array, your hands move from your clothed breasts to Cedric’s soft brown hair. A sudden rush of pleasure has your grip tightening in the champions curls, and a loud curse echoes through the empty room.

“You like it when I pull your hair like that Diggory?” You tease through the pulsing in your body. “Fuck, do that again y/n.” His deep growl responds as his fingers quicken and hit deeper inside your tight walls.

With each tight grip in Cedric’s curls, a loud moan was heard in response as he thrusts his fingers deeper and sucks harder, letting his moans vibrate through to your clit to fill your lower stomach with butterflies.

“I-I’m gonna cum!” You whimper loudly.

“You can cum if you beg.” The hufflepuff purrs with one last roll of his tongue, pausing his fingers, still deep inside of you. Every ounce of your dignity is shredded as the pleasure of Cedric’s mouth and fingers stop.

“Please Diggory, let me cum.” You mewl in desperation, but he doesn’t move.

“Try again love.” He smirks in amusement.

“Please Cedric, you make me feel so good! I’m so fucking close, I need to cum.” You moan in frustration, grinding your hips frantically for any friction. Cedric chuckles darkly, pulling his fingers out almost fully before slamming right back into you.

“Merlin, you say my name so perfectly darling.” The brunette grins, pulling his finger out and slamming back again.

“Say it again.” Cedric commands, attaching his lips to your clit, his fingers now ramming in and out of you.

“Cedric! Oh fuck!” your choked voice almost comes out as a sob, and your incoherent moans mix deliciously with your lover’s name.

With the combined stimulation of Cedric’s rough fingers and strong tongue, a coil snaps as your body seems to lose control. Writhing, pulsing, and gripping Cedric’s hair as you pant for breath.

Cedric pauses the assault with his tongue, but continues using his fingers to help ride out your high.

When the shockwaves finally stop and you’re able to open your eyes again, Cedric is leaning directly above you, a grin plastered on his face. “You’re so beautiful when you cum.” The hufflepuff begins kissing down your neck as his hands move down his torso and pulls his shirt up his chest. Cedric pauses to wince as cuts reopen and the fabric irritates his bruises, but when you sit up to help him, he pushes you down again. “I’m fine, It’s just a couple scratches.” He smirks looking back down at you, but you’ve regained your senses and have pushed the toned champion back onto the bench and climbed onto his lap.

“Are you sure? You looked pretty banged up.” your voice comes out as a soft whisper as you begin to press butterfly kisses to his bruises.

“Yes, f-fuck y/n.” He groans as you suddenly bite down on his shoulder, sucking on it for a couple seconds until you’re sure a hickey will form.

“Good, because it’s my turn now.”

You lift your hips from his lap to tug his shorts down and he lifts his bottom up to help you. As soon as they’re off you begin to unbutton your blouse, shrugging it off before leaning forwards and running a finger down Cedric’s abdomen. “Help me?” You smirk, standing and brushing your hair aside to reveal your bra strap. Cedric obliges with shaky fingers as his cock grows harder and begins twitching. Once it comes loose, you turn and connect lips with Cedric’s again, moving your hand to the back of the brunette’s head to run your hands through his hair and cup his jaw. Cedric takes your hips into his hands and slowly brings you towards him again. You shuffle onto Cedric’s lap again, hovering just above his cock as he rubs the sides of your body.

Without warning you sink onto him, relaxing your walls to take all of Cedric’s length. His grip on your waist tightens as you wrap around him. Strings of curses leave his mouth as his head falls onto your shoulder and he nips at the sensitive skin. When you’re halfway down, he moves his hands from your hips to your breasts, massaging them roughly and peppering kisses all over. With the Help of Cedric’s wandering hands and caring mouth, you bottom out and adjust to the feeling of being full. Your hands dig into Cedric’s shoulder blades and you begin moving up and down. It’s slow at first, you aren’t quite sure how to do it, but the hufflepuff uses his hands on your hips to guide you and soon you’re bouncing up and down, the grip on your side and the waves of euphoria from Cedric’s cock pushing you further than you could have ever thought possible.

“You feel so good darling.” Cedric sighs, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth wide open as your walls wrap tighter against him with each bounce. You don’t respond, your thoughts occupied with keeping the euphoric feeling coming. Using Cedric’s broad shoulders you begin to pick up the pace, sucking dark marks into existence on his chest, panting breathy moans into his ear and tightening your grip around his shaft to earn you that desperate moan that made you dizzy.

With the overstimulation from your voice and love bites Cedric could feel his release coming, but he wasn’t ready to end this just yet, with the last couple bounces he summoned as much strength as he could to lift you from his lap and release onto your abdomen. It took everything in him not to drop you or collapse right there, but he managed, setting you back down on the wide bench to push you back and tilt your chin up to meet eye to eye.

“Don’t t-think I’m done with you yet princess.” He growls.

The lustful look in your eyes as your pupils dilated and your mouth hung open had him hard all over again and before you could reply with something witty, he pounded right back into you.

Your head is thrown back at the new angle Cedric is fucking you in, your back arches so he can move deeper and your legs swing up to wrap around his torso, bringing him impossibly close to you. Cedric responds with vigorous thrusts, desperate for you to submit to him and end this with him on top. While he desperately rolls his hips into yours, you pull his head down and reconnect your lips, using your tongue to explore his mouth as you swallow the breathy moans of the grey eyed hufflepuff. Your teeth clash, lips mold and tongues dance as Cedric fucks you senseless.

“Oh fuck Cedric right there!” You cry, rolling your hips up to meet the champion’s needy thrusts and allowing your moans to fill the empty air. Skin hitting skin is the only sound other than your moans and cries mixing together, intimately connecting and reconnecting over and over as wave after wave of pleasure and euphoria floods your veins and every corner of your body. Your eyes roll back and your toes curl with each movement of Cedric’s hips and with his arms pinned above your head and his low groans right in front of your face you could not contain the knot that was forming in your abdomen. Your nails rake down Cedric’s back and bury themselves into his hair as you grin victoriously at the loud profanities spilling through his gritted teeth. With each pump of his length the knot grows tighter and tighter, Pleasure is swapped with pure bliss and Cedric can feel it too as his thrusts grow sloppy and your core tightens against him. He lets himself go, and you follow right behind him. The proof of your pleasures stream between the two of you, down your legs and in between where you are still connected.

Cedric helps you ride out your high as you run your shaky finger up and down his chest, a smile growing on your face as Cedric finally opens his eyes and looks back down at your tired form, panting and grinning back down at you.

“I win.” He smirks, lazily pulling out of you and resting himself on his elbows.

“In your dreams Diggory.” You roll your eyes and move some hair out of the boy’s face.

“Oh are we back on the last name basis?” Cedric chuckles, cupping your cheek and using his thumb to circle your cheek.

“Only if you want Ced.” You sigh, tilting your head closer to Cedric’s warm palm.

“Well in that case, you better get used to calling me Cedric, y/n.” The hufflepuff beams, sitting up and pulling you onto his lap.

Your eyes widen and you begin to laugh joyously as you connect your lips to Cedric’s again, mumbling sweet nothings in between each peck. You stay like that for a second, in each other’s arms, relishing the feeling of finally being complete and content, but as you press your hand to Cedric’s chest he winces and you know the moment has to end.

“Alright lover boy, it’s time to get you to the hospital wing.” You sigh, pecking Cedric’s lips once more before grabbing your wand and quickly cleaning off the mess in between you and Cedric’s legs. “Do I have too?” Cedric groans, pulling you back to him, as you clasp your bra on. “I’m sure I’ll be fine just sitting here in your arms.” He states staring lovingly into your eyes. “Sorry Ced, but even I don’t know a lot of healing spells and by the look of it you’re gonna need them.” You giggle, standing on shaky legs as you pick up your blouse and skirts again.

“Get changed Ced, I’ll meet you outside.” You smirk, slowly making your way out of the room with a slight swing in your hips.

Taking a deep breath of the night air, you take a moment to really take in what just happened. You thought you hated that boy, but maybe that was just for show. Maybe you’d always had feelings for the boy with the yellow scarf and you had been too naive to realize it. It felt strange how the part of your brain that convinced you to fight was now telling you this was right, but you were fine with it, your whole perspective had changed of this boy from the moment he came limping to you in the stadium.

Cedric had similar thoughts as he tugged on his shirt and pants. He finally realized the feeling he got when you looked at him wasn’t annoyance, it was a crush. A fancy that he wanted so badly to deny, but embrace at the same time, and now he could.

As he finally walked out to you and wrapped you in his arms, you knew it was right and you were where you are meant to be. As you interlocked hands with the grey eyed hufflepuff, making your way towards the castle and your new life. Something was made crystal clear.

Badgers and snakes are natural born enemies, made to fight and hate each other. But you and Cedric aren’t the animals you are associated with,

you’re humans and you had the choice to decide how you would treat your opposite.

And although the two of you were clear descriptions of the houses you were assigned, your personalities molded perfectly.

As Cedric lay in the hospital bed, Madam Pomfrey healing his wounds, you stuck by his side and held his hand, knowing the snake would never define you. The badger would never define Cedric. You were your own people, and you were in love.

#harry potter imagine #cedric diggory #harry potter #cedric diggory imagine #cedric diggory x reader #cedric diggory fluff #cedric x y/n #cedric diggory smut #cedric diggory fanfiction #cedric x you #cedric smut #cedricsbrowncurls #cedric x reader #cedric fanfiction #smut #smutty #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers #slytherin #hufflepuff #slytherin x hufflepuff #fluff #harry potter fandom #nsfw.anya

[yandere-daze]

Yan 66 for Giorno please. Thank you ^^

Of course!! Thank you for your request ^^

66. “You want to go home? You’re already home.”

Yandere! Giorno with prompt 66

“You want me to move in with you?”

You were currently having dinner with your boyfriend, Giorno, in your favorite restaurant when he made the proposal. You had to admit, Giorno´s request for you to move in with him caught you a bit off guard. You had been together for about two months now after randomly bumping into each other on the street. It was pure coincidence and afterwards Giorno invited you to a coffee to make it up to you. Talking with him actually ended up being super fun so when he asked for your number, you gave it to him without hesitancy. You´re really glad you did, look how you ended up! You´re in a healthy relationship with Giorno and you couldn´t be any happier.

“Indeed. We´ve been together for two months already and I think it would be lovely for us to spend even more time together. Moving in is the best idea. Wouldn´t you agree, y/n?”, Giorno said while making direct eye contact with you. His turquoise eyes looked at you expectantly while resting his head on his propped-up arm. His golden hair was kept in it´s usual unique style with a few of the strands in his braid slowly becoming loose. Giorno absentmindedly twirled a few of the loose strands around his finger as he calmly waited for your response.

You know he probably didn´t mean it like that, but the way he worded his proposal didn´t sound like a question at all. More like a suggestion you were supposed to agree with. It made you a bit uneasy. You weren´t sure what to do in this situation. Of course you loved Giorno a whole lot but you weren´t sure if you already wanted to move in with him, you two have only been together for two months. He made it sound like it had already been a long time since you started your relationship, but to you it still seemed pretty new. You would love to spend more time with your boyfriend, he was lovely and brought you a lot of joy but leaving everything behind and moving in with him? It seemed a bit too soon to you. You decided to tell him just that, Giorno was always super considerate of your feelings so you were sure he would understand.

Lifting your gaze from your plate you looked directly at your boyfriend and finally decided to speak up. “Giorno I don´t know about that… it just seems so sudden. I would love to move in with you eventually but I don´t think I´m ready for that just yet.”

After hearing your response, Giorno lifted his head a bit and let out a small laugh as if what you just said amused him in some way. “What do you mean, tesoro? Too soon? I don´t think you know what you´re saying. We have already been together for two months, how is that too soon? Don´t you want to be with me?”

“Giorno, I…”, you began after a short pause. Did he not understand you? Of course you wanted to be with him, you just weren´t ready yet for that kind of commitment. You needed more time!

“I don´t think you´re listening to me. I love you; I really do and maybe I could move in with you later on in the future but I just don´t feel ready yet. I´m sorry but I still think it´s too early for us to take that step.”. You had temporarily closed your eyes while talking as a reflex so as you opened them you were surprised to see the corners of Giorno´s gentle smile slowly straining. To anyone else watching, he would give the illusion of a very collected and calm person in this moment but you were able to see through his disguise. You were sad to admit that you had seen this particular look on his face far too often recently. The way his eyebrows furrowed almost unnoticeably and his eyes grew a slightly darker look. It happened whenever you would have to leave him to go home or you were talking to someone else while in his presence. It was a bit unnerving but you always reasoned that he was just a bit jealous. A little jealousy was normal and didn´t hurt anyone, did it? You thought it was kind of cute actually. But now? For some reason you couldn´t force your mind to perceive his behavior as endearing. Something felt off. His gaze was very intense as he reached out his arm to clasp your hand in his under the table. You reluctantly laid your hand in his. You couldn´t help but notice that your palm was getting a bit sweaty. Why were you nervous? Giorno was your boyfriend, there was absolutely nothing to fear! So why couldn´t you help but slightly shiver as he leaned further in?

You almost jumped out of your seat when you suddenly felt his grip on your hand tighten. Shocked you looked down to see his hand grabbing yours like a vice. You didn´t think you could let go now, even if you wanted to.

“Y/n. Please look at me.”, Giorno softly spoke up as he used his other hand to gently lift your head to make direct eye contact with him. You gulped and did as he said.

“Now that´s better, amore. Just focus on me and let every other thought vanish. Understood?”

A quick nod.

“Good. Now listen to me, please. I think you moving in with me would be best for the both of us. I would feel way more at peace knowing that you are safe and sound. You know how dangerous my work is, who knows what could happen to you? Having you close at all times would allow me to ensure your safety. And not just that. Just the thought of me waking up next to you every morning sends butterflies into my stomach. I´ve never felt this way about someone else before, you´re so special to me. I would do absolutely anything for you. Just say the word and you could have anything you could ever want.” His gaze softened a bit at this.

“So WHY”, a sharp pain directed to your hand; “why don´t you see? Why do you reject me? Haven´t I given you everything? I love you so much, I can´t bear the thought of you being with someone else. I need you with me at all times. I-“, he stopped for a second, seemingly lost in thought before snapping out of it. He promptly stood up from his chair, pulling you up with him.

“Giorno, what-“, you were shocked, you didn´t know what to think. Were did this side of him come from? But before you had any time to speak up again, Giorno kept insistently pulling at your hand, practically forcing you to go with him as he left the restaurant you two were having dinner at. No one dared to look in your direction, even though you surely must have made quite a ruckus. No one wanted to mess with the Don of Passione after all.

“Giorno where are we going?”, you finally asked one of many questions swarming your head. The man in question looked down for a moment, seemingly contemplating before finally uttering an answer he seemed satisfied with.

“Home.”, he said with a smile on his face that you would have once found comforting. Now his façade of calmness terrified you. Who knows what lures under his seemingly innocent gaze? You didn´t have any time to further contemplate his response, as he suddenly reached for something in his pocket. You only remember the feeling of something soft pressing against your face before slowly losing consciousness.

 You woke up a few hours later, completely disoriented to a foreign surrounding. You felt like you slept for days, trying to regain your bearings in a slight daze. Looking around a bit, you saw you were in what you assumed a bedroom of sorts. You were laying on top of a very soft double bed, almost drowning in all the cushions provided for you. You have never slept in a bed this fancy your entire life! But this wasn´t the time to admire a stranger´s taste in furniture, where ARE you? The last thing you were able to remember was eating dinner at a restaurant with Giorno, some kind of argument and then…..

Giorno! Your eyes widened. Was this his house? Did your own boyfriend really kidnap you? Was any of this even real? It all felt like a dream to you, or a nightmare to be more exact. Looking around a bit more, you saw several photographs plastered onto the walls. Under closer inspection, you found them to be pictures of….you? Pictures you didn´t remember being taking. Maybe they were taking while you weren´t looking? Pictures of you just going along with your day and even some photos featuring Giorno! He looked so happy in every picture with you, it almost looked unnatural how wide his smile was stretching.

And wait! You recognized that picture! That was from when you went to that job interview you almost forgot about! But that was five months ago! You didn´t even know Giorno back then! So how could he possibly have gotten this picture of you??

Just as you were contemplating how this was possible, you heard the lock of the door click loudly and soon after, the door opened, revealing Giorno´s form. Seeing that you were awake, he immediately rushed over to you and gently caressed your cheek with his hand.

“Amore, I´m so glad to have you here with me now. See this isn´t so bad, right? I made sure to choose furniture to your liking so you can feel at peace here. Isn´t this wonderful? Now we´ll never have to be apart! This could have been way easier on us both if you hadn´t struggled so much. But now all is well and I forgive you.” Apparently he desired what he said to be seen as romantic but you couldn’t help but be terrified. How could Giorno do this? Was he out of his mind?!

“Giorno, no, please. I don´t want this. Not like this. What happened to you? How could you kidnap me just like that?! I want to go home! I´m leaving!”

You felt a sudden surge of resolve within you, so you decided to take action and get up. But before you could set even a foot forward, Giorno stopped you by grabbing onto your wrist again.

“Kidnapping? No darling, I think you´re confused. This was meant to be! I know what´s best for you, trust me! This is for the best.”

“I´m going home. Now!!”, you screamed as you trashed around in his grasp, desperately trying to get away from him, to no avail.

“You want to go home? You’re already home.”

His tone was deadly calm as he spoke , his gaze looking twisted beyond belief to you. His grip on your hand was as firm as ever. He wasn´t going to let go anytime soon.

After all, this hand would soon carry the same ring as his.

#jjba #request #my writing #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo golden wind #jojo part 5 #vento aureo #giorno giovanna #jojo x reader #male x reader #giorno x reader #giorno giovanna x reader #yandere character #yandere male #yandere jojo #yandere jojo x reader #yandere giorno #yandere giorno giovanna #yandere giorno x reader #yandere giorno giovanna x reader #yandere prompts #yandere #tw yandere

[ymiwritesstuff]

Requests are open? HELL YEEAHHH!! Can I have some dimitri fluff pls? With a female reader? They are like, studying in the library in the middle of the night for an exam or something, and the reader ends up falling asleep on dimitri's shoulder? And she starts whispering in her sleep like "dimitri... i love you..." or something sweet like that? Idk, dimitri is just my beloved baby and i need some fluff for him ;-; thank you! Your writing is awesome i really admire you🥺

AaaAAAH!! Thank you so much for the kind words, Anon I really appreciate them! Thank you for requesting, this was absolutely ADORABLE!! I hope it is to your liking. Please enjoy!

Delightful Assistance

Fire Emblem Three Houses

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd x Fem!Reader

Summary: A night of frustration turns rather wonderful when a certain prince offers his much needed help.

Notes: Fluff

A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you stare at the book before you. As the night slowly fell over the monastery the library became empty and quiet, which were the perfect conditions for studying for the upcoming exam. However, nothing seemed to be working. Try as you might, you couldn’t absorb the knowledge of the text and the fact that you were already tired didn’t exactly help. Internally you cursed at yourself for not studying sooner as you now paid the price of massive exhaustion and utter frustration.

You lean onto your palm and click your tongue in annoyance as you try to look for something that you might understand, unfortunately to no avail. The exam was to be on battle tactics and weaponry, which you had no prior knowledge of so everything seemed just a bit more hopeless. You dreaded the exam as the calm professor had made them quite challenging in the past and while they had gone well, you weren’t so sure about this one. How were you supposed to know what to do when surrounded by the enemy army or what weapon to use against pegasus knights? All of this seemed unnecessarily complicated to you, though you knew they weren’t taught to the students for nothing. This knowledge would surely help an entire army however right now, filled with both fatigue and irritation, you weren’t willing to understand it.

You lean back in the chair and turn your gaze to a single candle burning on the table in front of which you were sitting. Sighing once more you glance at the book that had brought you so much suffering over the course of this night and glare at it, unwilling to deal with the inability to study this troublesome topic any longer. “Curse you..” You place both of your hands on the table and stand up, the chair under you moving along the wooden surface of the floor as you prepare to leave the library for the night.

“Staying up late as well, I see,” said a voice behind you that immediately made you jump and let out a small yelp. Upon turning around and noticing the familiar face of the crown prince himself, a sigh of relief slips your lips. Dimitri looks at you apologetically but you brush off the startle he had accidentally caused as you speak: “Oh well... I was just about to head to my room.” Your (E/C) eyes once again glance at the open book on the table. “I can’t really figure this stuff out...” You say, the disappointment and annoyance apparent in your quiet voice. Dimitri seems to notice this as he takes a few steps towards the table his eyes shining in slight worry.

“Are you having trouble studying for the exam?” He asks as he briefly eyes the book in front of him, noticing the topics and pictures he had gone through earlier as well. You look at him the sight of him somewhat easing your annoyance. “Yeah, I just... Don’t understand anything.” His blue eyes glance at you, before taking a closer look at the book and turning a few pages.

“Well, I can assure you that this is not complicated at all,” he says which initially annoys you ever so slightly though he never meant it in such a way. Of course, it would be easy for someone like him, who has been trained by professionals throughout his life. However, all that exasperation fades away when he sits down on the empty chair next to you and gives you a reassuring smile that always seemed to make your heart flutter.

“I can help if you want. The upcoming exam is an important one and it would be rude of me to keep all my knowledge to myself,” he said, a pleasant tone coating his voice. You almost instinctively sit down, a small part of you relieved about his offer, however you were still slightly unsure. “Are you sure? It’s pretty late already and I don’t want you to stay awake because of me.” While you were exhausted, you were willing to try again with his help by your side but you didn’t want him to miss the necessary sleep he no doubt needed. He merely shook his head.

“No need to worry, you aren’t interfering with my sleep in the slightest. I’d be glad to help.” Seeing that wonderful smile across his lips and the way his eyes emitted pure kindness made it impossible to decline his offer. Once Dimitri saw a smile of your own he took the book in his hands and began running through the pages, determined to help you, him being the kind prince he was.

“Let’s see here...”

~

As the hours went by everything seemed to become clearer. All the previous things you couldn’t grasp became obvious and almost ridiculously easy to understand and that was all thanks to the way Dimitri explained everything. You were able to solve the majority of the problems in the book and with the prince’s positive encouragement, you found yourself more and more willing to study more.

However, at the same time, your already existing fatigue worsened. Dimitri had noticed your eyes that barely stayed open and suggested you to go to bed but you insisted that you were fine and determined to continue. He found it rather adorable but knew it was only a matter of time before you would retreat back to your quarters. He was extremely delighted about the progress you had made in such a small amount of time and was more than certain that the exam would go phenomenally.

“Okay, how about this one: ‘A pegasus knight is charging at you and you have three weapons to defend yourself with: A lance, a bow, and an axe. Which one of these would you choose and why?’“ This particular question had given you far too much trouble previously, but now the correct answer came to your head as soon as Dimitri was finished reading the problem. 

However, actually answering it proved rather difficult as the blond quickly felt you leaning against his shoulder, your eyes barely open. He was taken aback by the action but didn’t say anything, wanting to give you a chance to solve the problem. “The uhh... Bow,” you say, the last bit of your sentence accompanied by a heavy yawn. “Because it can... Reach the uh... Pegasus knight the best...” Your voice was barely audible and though he wouldn’t say it out loud, you were adorable. Still, he knew that you were currently using the last bits of your remaining energy.

“That’s correct. Good job, (Name).” A tiny smile lifted the corners of your lips as you listened, your heavy eyelids now fully covering your eyes that the prince so often looked at in amazement. He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Let’s do one more, okay? Then I’m certain you are more than re-”

His sentence was cut short by the feeling of you gently rubbing your cheek against his shoulder, a delighted sigh and tiny snores escaping your lips. He turned his eyes towards you, a tiny shade of pink dusting the surface of his cheeks as he was utterly captivated by the sight of you clinging onto him in your sleep. Dimitri was completely frozen, unable to take his eyes off you and he quickly realized that the tiny sounds you let out quickly tried to form words.

“Mmh... Dimitri...” His heart skipped a beat, his cerulean eyes widening at your mumbling. For the love of the Goddess, you were beyond adorable! Another smile danced along your lips as you continued mumbling in the world of dreams, enjoying his presence next to you: “I... Love y-youh...”

While your words weren’t clear, he knew he had heard you right and that made the blush on his cheeks increase tenfold. He glanced away, not believing what he had just heard from those stunning lips of yours. Dimitri’s heart raced, the sensation of you next to him bringing light into his rather dark mind and for a moment, he didn’t hear the usual screams in his head.

He smiled and carefully closed the book, concluding today’s study session. His lips briefly touched the top of your head before blowing out the only candle illuminating the library, leaving you two in darkness, though with you next to him, he felt as though the light never left him.

#fe #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #fire emblem three houses dimitri #fire emblem three houses x reader #fire emblem x reader #fe x reader #dimitri #fe dimitri #fire emblem dimitri #dimitri x reader #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fe dimitri x reader #fire emblem dimitri x reader #reader insert #fluff

[dragonflymage]

(This has taken me forever to write. Be prepared for a long answer! *kicks it out of the draft box*)

I don’t think I’ll choose a Type for this answer because I chose Types in similar questions. This time I’ll go with the word “ideal” and play with that for a while.

This answer will be about the steps to finding an ideal match. INFP style.

Everyone knows that INFPs are the dreamers. They dream their way through being a child, through the teen years, and yes right through adulthood. It’s unavoidable. If a potential situation creeps up on an INFP, it won’t be long before they have come up with all the imaginative ways to live it and make it their own. Within their minds.

I am going to reveal some things about myself as an INFP that aren’t easy to reveal. Tapping into this realm of idealism that INFPs seem to be known for.

What exactly does it mean when someone says that INFPs are idealistic? It’s more than just seeing the good in others and hoping for a bright future. There’s a side of darkness within it as well because this doesn’t always mean ‘realistic’. It can mean searching for qualities that only exist in our thoughts.

My topic within these imaginative daydreams will focus on “The Ideal Match”.

I have to say that the first sensation that comes to me while thinking of this topic is… wistfulness.

In my expansive INFP imagination, my ideal match is someone who wants to know me.

That’s it.

Okay, that’s not all, but that’s where it begins. With someone who has SEEN me. And not just seen me, but moved closer instead of shaking their head and walking away. Of course, that doesn’t make an automatic match, but it has to begin somewhere.

Can you imagine the elation of being truly seen? That tiny ray of INFP light shown outward has caught someone’s attention. What should be done now? It isn’t love yet. Right? This elation isn’t love. But what if it is? No, it’s much too soon. Maybe if the door is opened a little bit more. … What are they doing now? Running? Moving even closer? OMG. What should I do next?! 

Breathe. This doesn’t mean they are devoting all of their eternity. It just means they are curious. Stay calm.

Does that sound like panic? It might be. There’s always the fear of doing too much too soon, yet wanting to reach out and touch. The unseen internal tug of war.

So, this is where the INFP stands now — Revealed some of their deep self and was noticed for it. Then the person stuck around wanting to know more.

This is a great beginning. But what’s next? It would probably be easier to know what to do if this took place in-person. Body language and tone of voice is clearer to decipher. Most likely this all happened online, where emotions and reactions can be filtered through the process I refer to as: “I’m doing my freakin’ best to explain myself with only text!” *flails*

I would say that being seen and someone wanting to get to know you are where new friendships and possible future-relationships reside.

Being seen is nice, but being understood is even better!

It looks like a connection is forming. This is where our INFP will decide what sort of sharing is appropriate.

There are all sorts of sharing:

💙 Surface sharing - which involves interests and everyday activities. Also known as “small talk”. Topics such as pets, job or school, hobbies, books, etc. This isn’t always an INFP favorite, but conversations have to begin somewhere. During the small-talk phase, an INFP will determine whether there is potential for a connection. And, yes, an INFP is more than capable of this discovery just from small talk. This could last for a brief time period or for many days, depending on the person’s comfort level. 💙 Test sharing - which involves emotions attached to topics. Such as the meanings behind this or that event in life. It could be another subtle test to see if the other person is still interested in talking. Or it could be a bit of desperation to have someone to finally discuss the deeper aspects of the world. Some of these emotion-laden topics might not be used by most people until later in a potential friendship-relationship, but INFPs may reach this level of conversation fairly quickly. This type of conversation could continue throughout the friendship-relationship, obviously while no longer in a ‘testing’ fashion. 💙 Personal sharing - which involves longer and more frequent conversations. It’s a bit like sharing your life in ‘real-time’. At this point, the INFP has decided this is someone who is interested because they haven’t run away, and maybe it’s okay to invest more of ourselves with them. These sorts of talks are like inviting them to our home and giving them a glimpse of what life is like for us. These discussions are saved for close friends and potential love interests. 💙 Deep sharing - which involves all those things an INFP shares with no one. And by ‘no one’ I mean ‘a rare and special someone’. I think many INFPs have an inner vault where they keep all the topics that have been too much for other people to handle - such as traumatic memories. Some INFPs, after being rejected in the past, may choose to never touch this level with anyone again. Other INFPs may decide that if this special person can understand what’s in the vault, then they are absolutely ‘the one’. Whether as a love interest or a very close friend.

🍵 There could also be a level 5 which may involve fantasies or the darkest of secrets they may never tell anyone, but some INFPs might lump those in with #4. It depends on the individual. 🍵

The difficulty with those Sharing Levels is finding an order that works and sticking to it. It wouldn’t work well to start with #1 Small Talk and then skip right to #4 Deep Sharing. (I mean, unless you’re talking with a therapist, then go ahead.)

Now that I got the informative portion out of the way, it’s time for some INFP idealism!!

INFPs are amazing humans. We care with our every breath and we want the best for those around us. We can also become stuck within our idealistic thoughts. No, that isn’t a secret.

We are called The Dreamers for a reason.

INFPs have a difficult time with this strange thing called Reality. We are flooded with violence from the media, and sometimes it exists in our personal lives. Reminding us of all the hurting souls we can’t help. We have potent plans of how we will change the world. Then Reality sneaks up from behind and whispers “you do realize no matter how hard you try, you can’t save them all…” Thanks, Reality.

It’s these realizations that can infiltrate all aspects of life - how we envision our future, how we envision our environment, and how we envision our Ideal Match or our Ideal Partner (in a potentially romantic sense).

I first started imagining a ‘love interest’ at around age 12. It wasn’t marriage or white gowns that I imagined. It was someone who cared by listening to me.

One of the first crushes in a love-interest way I had on a person (other than classmates I mentioned in a different answer) was Hawkeye from the MASH re-runs. ( I don’t know what it is about me and ENFPs, but anyway…  I spent long hours daydreaming about somehow being illogically inserted into that environment just so I could sit and have long conversations with Hawkeye. 😅 I thought he was the perfect match for me. Of course, he had other issues going on, but I was willing to overlook them all! This daydream went on for a few years until I moved along to other potential unreachable love interests.

The important factor about the idealism and daydreaming is that I was internally forming a list of what I hoped to find in a future partner.

Attention and caring were important. Kindness to others. Devotion to helping people. Silly humor. Depth of character. Capable of understanding pain. Willing to imagine what could be.

Sadly, if an INFP isn’t paying attention, they can idealize themselves through life…even through the most painful events and can become addicted to this coping mechanism.

Like I did.

The downside was that since I never truly encountered a great deal of decent treatment personally, I didn’t know how to recognize it in others. It was unfamiliar territory (for many depressing reasons). So in my early 20s, what I did was latch onto a person who I thought had the potential and idealized everything else about him. He gave me attention, sure, but I think I consciously idealized everything else about him. Even when there were many clues that he wasn’t a good match for me.

I rejected every natural instinct I had and encompassed myself in flowery daydreams in order to survive the life I’d suddenly found myself in.

That is probably an extreme example of what idealism can do to a person. But I think that INFPs have the very real probability of slipping into this unhealthy internal mindset.

If we aren’t careful, idealism can turn into an INFP mind-trap.

I don’t want to turn this into a negative answer. Idealism has wonderful benefits if used in healthy creative ways. To imagine what could be. But there also needs to be a balance with Realistic thoughts.

Always stop and ask yourself “Is this truly a possibility? Is this actually what is taking place? Am I somehow coloring the truth from myself?”

Only then will an INFP truly find, not just an Ideal Match, but a True Match.

Without any of the rose-colored glasses interfering with what is Real.

#mbti #infp #infp thoughts #relationships #mbti thoughts #introvert #myers-briggs #hsp #emotions #emotional #sensitivity

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #411

“everybody’s got loaded stories, and i know for a fact everybody sees a bullseye on my back”

Have you ever been to jail? No. Opinion on snow? I absolutely love it! Not big on the slush it leaves behind, though. It gets ugly. What are you best at drawing? Meerkats. Are you scared of going over bridges? Nah. If you had endless energy and stamina, how would you spend your days? Plenty of exercise, lots of exploration with my camera, doing chores much more regularly... stuff like that. What mental or physical space do you go when you want to recharge or relax? I go to my room and watch YouTube. Did you have/use a comfort object as a child (do you continue to have one)? I actually don't remember. Now as an adult, if I go somewhere, my purse is actually like my comfort item in that I like to sit and sort of hug it to feel more secure. When was the last time you said something you regret? What did you say? I'm unsure. What do you tend to get carried away with? New hobbies/interests. It will be like all I care about for a long while, ha ha. Do you believe we have souls; do you believe in a life after death? Yes to both. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes, and it's the absolute worst. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? We had those Flintstones ones for a while, but for most of my childhood, we had gummy vitamins. Have you ever gone to court? Well, yes, but not for like your ordinary court hearing. While hospitalized on one occasion, a lawyer visited to speak to the patients informing us that we could argue against our discharge dates if we believed we were going to be committed for too long, which I thought I was, so I signed up to bring my case in front of a judge. So yeah, I've been to court, but not for ordinary reasons. Are you friends with your neighbors? "Friends," no. The people to our left like just moved out, and I don't even know if we've ever been outside at the same time as the family on our right. Favorite color? I like baby pink. How long has it been since you’ve seen The Lion King? I saw the CGI remake when it came out, if that counts? I don't know about the original. When did you last hold hands with someone? Sometime when I was at my sister's house, my niece grabbed my hand to drag me somewhere, ha ha. Have you ever had a crush on your sibling's friend? No. Have you ever gone to a beach? Multiple times. How good is your eyesight? It is very, VERY bad. I need new glasses severely. What’s the best wedding you’ve been to? My former dance teacher's. Have you ever had a negative encounter with the police? What happened? No. What’s your favourite thing to cook/bake? Do you eat it often? I don't do either. How do you flush the toilet in public? I generally use my elbow. I don't like standing on one leg, so I don't really use my foot like I'd prefer. Favorite horror movie? Silent Hill is dearest to me overall just because of what it is, but as a horror film, I think the original Blair Witch Project is best. Do you have your wisdom teeth? X-rays have only ever shown two are present, but I have enough space for those. What would you name your pet snake if you had one? It would depend on their appearance. The snake I have currently is named Venus because her coloration is similar to the planet. Do you like peanuts? Only when covered in chocolate. Where do you typically shop for bras and underwear? Do you tend to keep it simple, or have a variety of different items? Have you ever gotten a professional bra fitting? I don't get new undergarments (or clothes in general) frequently, but historically, my bras are bought online and underwear just from Wal-Mart. I don't really get the second question? I mean I don't have a style when it comes to those types of clothes, if that's what you mean. I've never had an actual bra-fitting, but I absolutely need to but keep putting it off. It seems like NO bra fits me properly all-around, and it's ridiculously annoying. What (if any) types of xrays/scans/other diagnostic tests have you had done? Was anything found? Idk man, a lot. I've had xrays on my wrist (found a fracture), teeth, legs... maybe more? I've also had an ultrasound on my liver for reasons I don't recall. I either had an MRI or CT scan (I can't remember which) when I got a concussion, and uhhhh... I can't think of anything else. Were you breast or bottle fed as a child? If you plan to have children, which do you think you’ll choose? Do you think one is really better than the other? I was nursed, and if I hypothetically had children, I'd definitely try to do the same. It was so incredible to me that I've never forgotten this: when I was at the hospital while my sister had her first baby, there was a chart on the wall of how many more nutrients were in breast milk versus formula milk, and the list was GARGANTUAN. Like, unbelievable. Now, do I think it's BETTER? That's a complicated question for which, in short, my answer is no. More nutritious, well, given what I just said, obviously. But breastfeeding just doesn't work for all mothers for a plethora of reasons, like the time demand, they can be self-conscious, it's painful... and all those things are okay. A mother should do what works best for her. Neither one is "wrong" or makes someone less of a mother because they feed their child less traditionally. Do you find that you have become more selective in terms of friendships as you’ve gotten older? Did the friendships you thought would last over time end up that way? Absolutely. There are just some kinds of people I absolutely do not tolerate anymore. And no, not most. We just drifted apart with time, or given most of my closest friendships are/were online, they just fell off the face of the earth. What are you doing right now? This and re-watching John Wolfe play Bloodborne. Bloodborne is such a comfort series to me... somehow, ha ha. Yet another game I've never played but desperately want to. Where are you? In my bedroom, as always. When you get yelled at, do you yell back or let it go? Depending on who it is, I might yell back, but most likely cry, ha ha. I hate being yelled at, like a lot. Is the person you last texted single? That would be my mom, so yeah. I've hoped she'd find a partner forever... She, probably more than anyone I know, deserves love from the *right* guy. I worry a lot how lonely she may become whenever I move out. Are you easily scared by horror movies? Not at all. Are you friends with any of your ex boyfriend/girlfriends? Girt and Sara, yes. Are you lonely? Be honest. Very. What has made you happy today? It's too early for this. What has made you sad today? Nothing, really. Last thing eaten? I had leftover pancakes from yesterday. Are you wearing anything that’s not yours? No. Do you like to wear makeup? I mean it makes me feel prettier, sure, but the actual time investment doesn't feel worth it for me personally. Especially when you're not even that good with applying it. Have you ever attempted to write a story or novel? Many times when I was younger. Would you rather have perfect hair or perfect skin? Perfect skin. I hate my skin, it has so many blemishes. What’s your middle name? Marie. How big is your bed? Queen. Do you drink? Only a bit for special occasions, really. I'll have a daiquiri on your average day every once and a blue moon. Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed walked out of your life? That's an understatement. Do you prefer pasta, salad, or coleslaw? Pasta. I hate coleslaw. Do you find smoking unattractive? Yes. Where’s the last place you went besides your house? The TMS office. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yes. Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My dad. Do you like your cell phone? No, but it gets the job done. I just wish I had a phone with a good camera. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. So, what if you married the last person you kissed? That's the dream, but I acknowledge and accept it just might not work out like that. Do you usually answer your texts? Almost always. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yes. Who has seen you cry the most? My mom, for sure. Have you ever just laid down outside and stared at the stars? Yeah, Jason and I did that one night on the trampoline. Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house? In the past, yes. Think to the last person you kissed; have you ever kissed them on the ground? No. Do you have a condom in your room? No, got no use for one. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? Yes. What brand is your digital camera? Canon. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? No; I really don't get the point. When was the last time you went tanning? Ew, never. I find NO appeal in just lying in the boiling sun. Do you like the smell of fresh cut grass? No, I hate it. Do you get embarrassed easily? Like you would not fucking believe. It's one of the things I hate most about myself, because I'm embarrassed about everything I like and what makes me me. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party? No. Do you always wear your seatbelt? Absolutely. You couldn't pay me not to. Do you sing in the shower? No. Have you ever been called a slut/whore/something along those lines? Only playfully among friends. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly/didn't even know? Yes. Have you ever fallen in love with a really good friend of yours? Yes. Do you own a blacklight? No. Do you like fruit better than vegetables? Definitely. Have your friends met the last person you kissed? Of my current friends, only Girt has. If you’re straight, have you ever thought about kissing the same sex? If you’re gay, have you ever thought about kissing the opposite sex? I'm bisexual, soooo. What does your laugh sound like? Do you have a loud laugh or a quiet laugh? Bro my laugh is so fucking loud and obnoxious. Is there a reality TV show you would consider taking part in? No.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''paranoiac personality'' by alice cooper

[tinlizziedlinwa]

Developing Sexuality, Discovering Kinks, a Spinal Injury, and Barely Beginning to Explore the Edges of the LGBTQ+ Community

Howdy, y’all.  I’m just gonna put this out there - If it’s not for you, just keep on a’scrollin’!

Now, I’ve not really explicitly spoken about my sexuality and how it’s evolved over my almost five decades of life.  So, I’m about to start, and believe me, your patience and kindness will be appreciated.  If you choose to be a close-minded, conservative, cis-asshole then I strongly suggest you leave right the fuck now.  Thank you :-)

If you want to get to know me a little bit more and talk of incontinence and sexuality doesn’t scare you, please continue!

Decade 01:  Around four years old, I have my first memories of things related to my as yet totally undeveloped sexuality.  No history of physical abuse - Don’t worry about that.  It was finding my mother’s menstrual pads.  I saw pictures of them in underwear, so I took one and put it into mine.  It felt so right and so amazing!  I don’t really know how to describe it, but it felt like I needed the whole package of them in my underwear all at once!  I got in trouble for using up a package that my mom needed and I didn’t understand why she needed them yet.  But I made my first “diaper” out of pads and tighty-whities when I was only four years old.  Since I’m gonna be using a lot of numbers, I’m gonna cheat and sacrifice the “proper way” of spelling them out if they’re ten or less.

At 5, I knew I wasn’t built right.  I had this thing I peed through that girls didn’t have.  Boys had them.  But I wasn’t supposed to be a boy!  I didn’t like it and hated the feeling of it touching my legs (still do...).  I started asking questions about things.  Now, my parents are the stereotypical Boomers, “trapped” in a loveless marriage by dependent children and their own sense of “honor.”  Dad was a Medical Corpsman who became a Physician’s Assistant (PA) after retiring, while Mom used to be a Wave (nurse) in the Navy, but became a stay-at-home Mom when she started having children. I’ve 2 brothers and 1 sister, the last of them born 10 years before me.  So, when I questioned things, Dad’s response was usually to hand me a medical book and tell me to look it up.  Mom’s response was usually, “go ask your father.”  So, there I was, a 5-year old with a head full of partially-understood terminology (at best!) and a bunch of clinical photography in anatomy and physiology books.  At least I learned the purely physical differences between boys and girls and why I was one and not the other.  This made me mad.  So. Very. Mad.  I cried a lot for a while, finding out that I would never become what I feel I was supposed to be.  But I kept reading....

When I was 6 years old, I wrote a letter to my parents explaining how I felt about my body and how it made me feel inside and how I wished I could change and be the girl I’m supposed to be and would they be ok with helping me do this some day?

It was not received well.  Not well at all.  I’ve spent the last 40 years trying to get over their reaction to it and I still hate them for their reactions with a passion.  I feel like I was truly shattered, and the glue I’ve had to use over the years to put myself back together has never been the right type and pieces of me keep falling apart.

Entering Decade 02 (10 to 20 years old):  Puberty, damn it!  None of my “researches” had even hinted at ways to stop it, and my body started changing in ways that made me very uncomfortable, but there was also this attraction I kept feeling towards some people, and I started getting erections.  Now, I knew what was happening and yes, it did feel good to play with myself, but it also felt wrong in that I should have someone entering me, not me entering them, so when I masturbated that’s what I dreamed of - being entered and feeling them expand inside me, them giving themselves up in me, losing control and exploding into me and feeling their satisfaction as my own at having been so desirable.  Cockwarming them gently back to hardness and having my own way with their body as their hands stroked my breasts and hips.... Eventually I would orgasm in real life, while dreaming my dream.

I have never had a blow-job.  Several girlfriends have attempted, but honestly that’s like the fastest way to shut me down.  It instantly kills my dream between one heart-beat and the next, causing me to feel absolutely horrible about myself and this carcass I’m trapped in.  I should be going down on you, tasting, caressing, nuzzling and lapping up your wetness as I get more and more achy and wet for you.... Sticking my dick in your mouth is absolutely the worst thing that can happen during any attempt at sexy-times for me.  I’d rather have diarrhea on a crowded school-bus.

The problem was, I had been emotionally terrorized by my parents (and now I know how they controlled my access to information...) and the area I grew up in was populated by fairly conservative folks, so I had no exposure to other ways of living and had no idea I could express my sexuality in any way other than by being masculine with it.  Ergo, I was very much in the closet, hiding my thoughts and feelings as best I knew how, and retreated from situations that might expose my inner workings. Hence, I’m an introvert who overshares o.0  Start unstacking the bricks from my walls and Watch Out!  You might get more than you bargained for :-\

Decade 03 (20 to 30 years old):  I was just positive I didn’t want kids.  Also had no clue what to do with myself, so I landed in Alaska for about a decade.  Isolated, small town, conservative folks (a church on every corner, attended at least twice a week).  Repressive.  No sex for 8 of those 10 years.  Met my (now ex-) wife up there.  Internet actually got off the ground and we bought a computer, modem, and had an AOL account!  This was around 2002′ish or so.  Yeah, I watched the twin towers fall on a tv in a bar in Alaska.  But while in Fairbanks, I discovered the old Usenet Newsgroups... and that led me straight back into my diaper-fetish which I’d almost forgotten about... omg, seeing those first photos... I can’t describe the feelings that burned in me.

Decade 04 (30 to 40 years old):  Left Alaska and moved to western Washington State.  Worked as a Medical Assistant for about 5 years, then re-invented myself as a welder when I got a Federal job.  Learning a whole new trade wasn’t easy.  Shittons of practice later I was good at it and loving my career, until a toolbag fell on my head in 2008.  It could have killed me had I been in any other position.  As it was, it hit the top of my head while my spine was almost perfectly straight up’n’down, causing a couple of discs in my neck to blow out.  One completely ruptured and the other bulged so badly it could never heal and restricted my movement (couldn’t look up or pull my chin in).  To this day I still have a smallish “shadow” on my cervical spinal nerve where the disc exploded and a “dent” where the next one down bulged out.  The doctors think that’s why I’m incontinent and really struggle to get hard-ons anymore.

Here’s the rub:  I’ve hated this body of mine forever.  I’m not supposed to get hard-ons in the first place!  I’m supposed to have breasts, hips, hair, a flat front and a curvy bottom, and you should be making passes at me, not vice versa!

So, rather than pursue medical (surgical) options to deal with the urinary and occasional fecal incontinence, I choose to wear diapers and give myself regular enemas.  This way I can kinda (mostly) control the #2 and keep it from happening in public, while I can let my bladder just run on it’s built-in autopilot (which is really random, btw).  Wearing diapers also helps me with tucking!  I can  pull the dick out, pop the balls up inside where they belong, tuck the dick as far back as I can and put my diaper on tight.  Bingo!  A flat front!  And a bit of a poofy bottom!  YES!!

Decade 05 (40 to 47′ish years old):  I’m beginning to feel slightly more confident in my sexuality, though I’m still not comfortable actually trying to seek out anyone special... but yeah - I’m an introvert by nature.  Probably need to get adopted by someone because I’m not sure I’ll ever really be brave enough to really reach out first....  But now I’m able to afford nice diapers, I’m buying women’s jeans/pants/sweaters/onesies, and I’m feeling so much better about myself when I’m able to dress up.  Keeping my chest and legs shaved helps, too.  When I look down and see long, course, curly body-hair... ugh.  Hair in the armpits and groin is what’s normal.  Chest hair?  Get it off!  Looking at myself in the mirror, I still hate many aspects of my physical self, but when I’m freshly shaved, diapered and wearing women’s jeans and a lovely pink sweatshirt or just lounging around in a cute diaper and huge sweater, I’m much more able to ignore the things I don’t like.

Lately, as I’ve begun exploring my sexuality a little more, I’ve discovered the joys of dildos.  Lemmie tell you what, guys.  A traditional male orgasm doesn’t hold a candle to what I’ve felt while playing with a good dildo.  After a good, thorough clean-out in the shower (I have a shower-attachment with multiple nozzles and use the long black rubber one), I’ve used a dildo that’s got a bit of a bend near the tip - it’s shaped like a real penis, normal size (not humongous), with a bit of a crook near the glans.  By holding the balls & suction cup in hand, it can be inserted and moved in-n-out at that perfect angle to stimulate *all* the right spots inside...  I can honestly say I’ve peed, cum, and blew that dildo across the room as my knees hit the floor and I forgot my name during the best, most intense, can’t-walk-for-a-minute whole-body orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life.  The area between the anus and scrotum feels so very hot and heavy, like it’s going to burst, it’s not truly painful but almost close? - It’s an amazingly satisfying feeling.  I’d love to hear from you girls out there... Are my orgasms anything similar to yours?

Some day, my dream is to meet someone who can understand me, who can feel where I’m coming from, who can love me even when I’m having difficulty loving myself.  Someone who is kind to my broken soul, and who’s idea of a hot date may involve a stop at the adult toy store!

Edited on 01OCT2021:  I’m not looking for a Mommy or a Domme.  I’m an adult with adult responsibilities and concerns.  I’m looking for a partner who’s also fairly self-sufficient.  I own my own home, work full time, and being an introvert I need lots of alone time.  Someone who’s open and accepting of the fact that I’m diapered 24/7/365 and am perfectly capable of changing myself.  And she’ll understand that I don’t just wanna get her out of her jeans for sexy-times, but I also wanna try them on.

Edited again on 02OCT2021:  As I’ve just begun actually  exploring my sexuality, I’m starting to think I seem to fit into the “enby” grouping (even as I don’t like being stuffed into a box, I find myself doing just that, to myself!  Damn categories...).  I don’t know all the lingo yet and it feels like the terminology is a living thing that is always changing.  Even though I’ve always found women to be super attractive, and I also really enjoy wearing women’s clothes and have dreamed of being a woman for decades, every once in a blue moon a guy really turns me on.  I’ve got fantasies about going down on her while he enters me, his hands on my hips pulling me in as he gently thrusts, speeding up slowly as I’m getting wetter, he’s sliding in and out of me faster and faster and I’m lapping up her juices, buried in her scent, the orgasm in all of us building until we simultaneously explode.  Then, once we all have our breath back, each of us gently diapers one another.  The idea of feeling my diaper sticking to my bum as his seed dribbles out of me is really turning me on again right now!  Hearing our crinkles as we move, cuddling in a contented pile, patting bottoms all around.

Am I a “bottom?”  Is there such a thing as an independent “bottom”?  More research is needed!  

#tinlizziedl #Info about me #30Sep2021 #personal #Sexuality

[ylizam]

going to continue the trend of saying, DO THIS IF YOU WANT TO. look, a shiny time-wasting internet question thingy! just like Ye Olde Livejournal days! tag, you’re all it.

1. Name/Nicknames: I do not tend to use my real name here, so call me whatever. if you do know my real name, I absolutely prefer my full name to any traditional nicknames of same! but also initials are good! 

2. Gender: non-binary

3. Star Sign: leo

4. Height: 5′1.5″, aka I was once measured as tall as 5′2″ but I’m really not quite. (apparently my lack of height comes from my Italian great-grandmother’s side of the family. everyone else is, if not tall, at least over 5′4″.)

5. Time: 13:57 EST.

6. Birthday: august 17

7. Favourite Band: I’ll go with Fleetwood Mac, as they are both band and soap opera combined.

8. Favourite Solo Artist: Dolly Parton

9. Song Stuck in My Head: Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger! (um, mostly because we sing it to our (tiger) cat.)

10. Last Movie: Judas and the Black Messiah, which I enjoyed but also the main characters are cast Too Old. which kept taking me out of it a bit. (the actors are very good, mind, but the real people were so young.)

11. Last Show: we’re (re)watching Babylon 5 right now (which is a surprise to ... no one following this tumblr, I am sure, what with my Ivanova and Delenn spirals). (“re” in parentheses because I’ve watched it all the way through before but roommate has not). I’m also watching Dix Pour Cent when I have the brains to watch something in French (which I find takes more concentration than watching things in other non-English languages, as I understand just enough that I tend to both read the subtitles but also simultaneously try to interpret the spoken French and anyway!), so it’s taking longer than it might otherwise take (but also means it feels like there’s more of it somehow, so bright side there?).  

12. When I Created This Blog: apparently December 2016? but I had a sideblog with this name before that, only I got frustrated with the limitations of that set up and just created this one. 

13. What I Post: mostly photos and gifsets of the fictional women about whom I obsess on the regular, ditto ships I am into; on the rarest of rare occasions, I even post fic.

14. Last Thing I Googled: hahaha where to get a covid test (I was ill yesterday, but am better today so fingers crossed I won’t have to use this information right now because wow is testing around here very car-centric). 

15. Other Blogs: a largely unused anymore DW that every so often I think about using again, also a tumblr that I use for just non-fannish stuff basically (and to which I pay only sporadic attention). 

16. Do I get asks?: sometimes! I am terrible at answering them, though, especially if I don’t immediately know what to say. 

17. Why I Chose My URL: it’s my LJ/DW username, but backwards because someone had already claimed my actual old username. 

18. Following: 115

19. Followers: 182

20. Average Hours of Sleep: never enough

21. Lucky Number: 7

22. Instruments: I played clarinet through middle school? um, piano for a bit, guitar for a bit. mostly I sang—choirs, musical theatre, madrigals, lessons, etc. (please note that I do none of the above now.)

23. What I Am Wearing: grey joggers and my A’ja Wilson hoodie. 

24. Dream Job: one that I’m not required to hold down due to money/healthcare/etc.? 

25. Dream Trip: lately I’ve been fantasizing about going to New Zealand and/or Australia during the Women’s World Cup? like taking a long stretch of time off, catching at least one match, and mostly just visiting friends and spending too much money traveling between places in Australia and New Zealand when I really ought to split them into more than one trip. (clearly, in this dream trip, we’ve somehow perfected transporter technology because I know that much actual traveling between various locations during a vacation would stress me out.) 

26. Favourite Food: probably pizza (and now I am thinking fondly back on the days of buying a slice from the local place and staking out a booth for everyone, sprinkling on the parm and red pepper flakes, not even bothering to soak up any of the grease). things with vinegar. bread (particularly with good butter or good olive oil). eggs are pretty miraculous. chocolate. 

27. Nationality: american. 

28. Favourite Song: but there are so many songs! how does one choose? so let’s just say I’ve had a soft spot for Billy Joel’s Scenes from an Italian Restaurant forever, which is not at all a surprising fact about me. 

29. Last Book I Read: what is this reading thing? honestly, though, it’s been a rough stretch; I think the last thing I actually finished reading (as opposed to skimming through to the end because I feel guilty borrowing an ebook and not finishing it because I know there are limits on usage and whatnot, but also I just couldn’t actually read the book in question anymore) was Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger? 

30. Top 3 fictional universes I would love to live in: hm. the Star Trek utopia (the version it claims to be, at least) is probably the big one. after that? this is very hard! maybe the Galavant-verse, as I too inexplicably break into song at any occasion? I can’t think of another right now, but it would have to be a gentle space setting, possibly a station; stars everywhere but no capitalism, no war, plus community, plus magic, plus joy.

#a true story about me #long post

[lemonflavouredspatula]

Tag Game: Get to Know Me

I was tagged by the amazing @bananase221 (yet again about 300 years ago i am so sorry but thank you so much for the tag ily)

Relationship status: single as heck

Favourite colour: honestly black makes my soul happy but i also kind of like red and light blue and ?????? probably black overall though

Three favourite foods: i don’t really like food oops but if i had to choose probably kiwi and strawberries and cheese

Song stuck in my head: No volveré and Si te vas by Blas Cantó because my brain is a radio and there is always more than one song knocking around up there

Last song I listened to: well i’m currently listening to Loch Lomond by Peter Hollens because his version is *chef’s kiss*

oh wait now i’m listening to the version of Mo Ghille Mear done by The Choral Scholars of University College Dublin (aka everyone’s favourite specsavers advert song) so technically this but you can have both because i’m feeling generous <3

Last film I watched: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Last TV show I watched: Parks and Rec which i am currently re watching because honestly why wouldn’t you

Favourite character(s): oh, oh boy, this could get long so i might group a bit but here goes - basically every main character in Merlin except Uther because fuck Uther, oh and Kilgharrah cos, well, he’s Kilgharrah (and yes we are pretending Morgana and Mordred are good™ because they had potential ok), i’d be lying if i didn’t include Steve Harrington and Billy Hargrove and Joyce Byers (Stranger Things) because i utterly adore them, Ben Wyatt (Parks and Rec) because why wouldn’t you love this pure, nervous ball of calzone loving energy and probably thousands more that i now can’t remember because my brain is refusing to help me fml but just assume a lot because i have no irl friends so i, very unhealthily, latch on to fictional characters xox

Favourite book(s): i honestly don’t know how people choose because books! are! so! good! so i’m just going to rec you two merthur fics i have utterly fallen in love with (which yes isn’t really the question but i’ve been reading more fic than books recently and i am in love) - And like the cycle of the year, we begin again by katherynefromphilly (which i have just re read and am as equally in love with as i was the first time and i highly recommend you reading this if you haven’t already because it is FANTASTIC) and About Time by rosewatergold (which i literally finished this morning and when i tell you i didn’t want it to end oh my god, this whole thing is amazing and i laughed and cried and let my heart almost burst out of my damn chest and curled up in a ball of emotional turmoil many many times and i just, i couldn’t recommend this more if i tried)

Sweet, savoury, or spicy food: oh in this house we do not do spicy food, no no no, but i’ll take sweet or savoury tbh, i don’t have an overly sweet tooth and am a sucker for savoury cheese things so *shrugs*

Last thing I googled: oh my god the fucking ™ symbol thing so i could use it above lmao am i edgy yet xox

Time: 00:54

Pets: Dog called Dooley and yes i am providing pictures because i love him and he is my world

(yes i made him neckerchief's and yes we have to wrap him up in blankets in winter because he's a lurcher and they have like zero body fat so get cold and it results in his lil ET face everytime)

Dream trip: ok look i just want to see the world, like just up and leave home for a good few years and see, but i would also settle for a trip around scandinavia because i am a BIG scandi lover

Anything you want/one thing on your bucket list: hmmm i mean a job would be great (thanks 2020 xox) lmao but i would absolutely LOVE to go to a eurovision final and see it live (me? a eurovision fan? who knew)

Favourite festival(s) you celebrate: i mean it is absolutely no secret at all that i love and adore halloween an unhealthy amount (but it’s not really a massive thing in england so i don’t really get to celebrate it to my hearts content unfortunately), but i also love christmas so there’s that

also yes i am including the eurovision final as something i celebrate and again, whilst i can’t go as wild as my heart desires because there’s only a certain level of weird my family can take from me, you can bet i go nuts and look forward to it a, yet again, unhealthy amount (but what would i be without unhealthy obsessions over things?)

Tagging: @thursday-knight @harringtons-bf @coffeedumpling @italiansteebie @wndasmaximoffs @hellomynameisroman @absolutedad and anyone else who fancies it, like literally just say i tagged you, but also pls do not feel pressured to do this at all, the choice is all yours okay ily bye

#spatula rambles #tagged #oh god why do i always ramble so much i am so sorry #one word answers #heck even one word SENTENCES #they just aren't me soz pals #and i guess this is a get to know me... #who am i kidding no one wants to hear me ramble and yet here i am doing exactly that again #i'm going to shut up for my sanity's sake (and yours tbh) #okay bye ily <3 #(okay sorry but look at how ADORABLE MY DOG IS) #sorry i just love him so very very much #okay i am leaving now bye

[miss-tc-nova]

Lambs In Danger - Bragi x Reader

I’ve had this chapter in my pocket for a while now so I think I’m just gonna post it. Still not sure where this series is going, but as mentioned in previous chapters, I’m just having fun with Smarmy Fluffcoat. 

~~~~~

              “I’m back,” the red-head calls, jingling the bell as he enters the store.

              “Welcome back,” I call before addressing the customer. “Sorry about that. Here’s your book.”

              The patron is bid goodbye just as my boyfriend sidles up to the counter. “Hey there gorgeous,” he hums with that signature smirk. “How’s your day been?”

              “Just fine,” I reply, walking around to re-shelve a few misplaced books. “There’ve been a few customers but it’s been mostly quiet so I’ve been practicing my spatial magic.”

              “Yeah? You should just about be an expert by now.”

              The drama in my sigh cannot be expressed enough. “I don’t know why I picked spatial magic to be my specialty. The texts are near impossible to find and all of the experts refuse to take an apprentice.”

              “Guess I should count my lucky stars there,” he teases, only receiving an eye roll. “Oh come on. You don’t need a master. You’re already a Master Mage and you’ve gotten this far on your own. The pocket dimensions are pretty cool and just last week you shoved me down the stairs from across the room.”

              The incident still haunts me: the smarmy bastard had poked the bear just one too many times and a hand waved at him without a thought. “Please stop bringing that up. I said I was sorry.”

              If that expression is any indication of his intentions, it’s not going to stop any time soon. “Yeah, but you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

              “Ugh…”

              The chuckles of Smarmy Fluffcoat still play with my guts every time; there’s no doubt I’m still madly in love with him, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t push buttons.

              “Anyway, Master Odin wants to meet with you.”

              I look back at the boy. “What does he want me for?”

              Shoulders bounce. “I ‘unno. He just asked me to tell you.”

              “I swear to the gods, if he tells me you’re causing trouble in class, you’re going to be grounded,” I laugh, final book in its place.

              Warm hands capture my face, calloused thumbs brushing over the skin as the perpetrator leans in. The amber in his eyes glow with that sultry mischief he enjoys trapping me with. “Me? Cause trouble? Never.”

              “Says the guy who shoved his classmate into my bag.”

              “Shh. No one needs to know about that.” His voice drops to a whisper. He’s baiting me; he’s absolutely trying to bait me—and he’ll probably catch a bite.

              “I know. You’re entire class knows.” Tongue following the conversation, my thoughts are one hundred percent focused on his lips only a miniscule movement away.

              “Shh.”

              Needless to say, kisses take over communication as I fall victim to the cinnamon-scented bait.

~~~~~

              The next morning is spent wondering just when is the best time to venture to the citadel; worries of what the master would need me for consume the following afternoon. Come two o’clock, the shop closes down early and I wander my way through town.

              Droves of students pass by me—all on their way to various after-school activities. It’s on my climb towards the faculty offices that I hear my name. Familiar faces all await me at the top.

              “Hey guys,” I greet.

              “Hey! What’s up!” the blonde waves back.

              “What are you doing here?” asks the second girl.

              A simple laugh is offered. “Turns out I’ve been summoned. I think Bragi is in trouble.” There’s a glare at my quip.

              A head of silver hair tilts. “The Master summoned you?” I nod. “Ooo, Bragi’s in trouble!”

              “Does everyone remember the bag incident?” our victim asks, gesturing towards the satchel at my hip. There are murmurs of agreement.

              “I told you they knew.”

              “I know they know—it was a threat.”

              Replies vary from offence to taunts until I’m forced to intervene, dragging my boyfriend away while he waves his middle fingers at Urd and Xehanort. There’s some apologizing and chastising as we go until we reach Master Odin’s office.

              “Want me to go with you?” Bragi offers.

              Knuckles rap against the door. “I’ll be alright. I don’t know how long this will take so I’ll just meet you at the shop later.”

              “You sure?”

              I can hear the resident beckon me inside. “Yeah. I’ll see you later.”

              A brief kiss on the cheek bids me goodbye and we part ways. This is when I learn of the reason Master Odin summoned me—it’s kind of upsetting. I question his decision in choosing me, barely holding my tongue long enough to reword the derision bubbling in my brain. None of this sits well with me; the Master seems to understand that and implores me to accept. Seeing as thing could be disastrous if I don’t, I do.

              The agitation rolls in my chest as I descend the steps. What the hell are they thinking?! It doesn’t matter if I’m a Master Mage! They-

              “Yo, babe, you in there?” Out of reaction, I slap away the hand in front of my face. My thoughts had taken over, leaving my body to autopilot out to the castle grounds.

              Hermod—ever the big brother—leans closer. “You okay? You looked upset?”

              Eyes scan across the young faces before me. Their light to be put at so much risk stokes the fire boiling my blood. As the ‘master’ in a professional situation among these kids, I wipe the surface clear of turbulence.

              “Yeah. I was just thinking about a book order I need to work on.” My decision is just as terrible as Master Odin’s, but at least mine is to preserve peace—leading the blind lambs has never been a desire of mine though.

              The rabble of Odin’s pupils manages to distract me for a while, but the content of my disagreement with the master keeps dragging up how much of an outsider I am. Not only am I not a student of the master, but I don’t even wield a keyblade. Mage students aren’t common in Scala Ad Caelum so I was an outcast from the start. My status above them only serves to widen that gap, not to mention the alienation my choice has placed on me. Efforts have always been made to include me in their shenanigans and, while I will likely never be part of the group the same way Bragi is, I always appreciated their kindness. Yet here I am, withholding information that will endanger their very lives because of “grown-up business.” Scum on the bottom of their shoes is what I am.

              “We’ll catch you guys later.”

              Bragi’s words cut through another stroll through my thoughts. The path that breaks off towards my shop is just to the right. There’s just enough sense left in me to tell the others I’d see them later, receiving some funny looks, before they walk away. That’s when my partner begins prodding at me.

              “Alright you. Spill it.” His first few steps start the trek home.

              “Huh?”

              “You can’t hide it from me. Hell, you can barely hide it from Eraqus. What’s bothering you?” Gods, he’s right. Even at my best, hiding secrets from Bragi is just impossible for me. “What did Master Odin want?” An idiot, Bragi is not.

              Suppressing information from the others can barely be excused, but hiding things from my significant other—especially information such as this—feels like a sin. It smolders in my heart and threatens to suffocate me in the smoky guilt. I can fool myself all I want that it’s for the better, but his life is on the line and I would never forgive myself if something happened to him.

              Shoving a hand through my hair, I mutter, “He’s going to start preparing you to go off-world. He asked me to accompany you.”

              The boy stops in his tracks. “What?”

              That guilt billows stronger. “The upperclassmen are missing. He’s sending us to find them.”

              The understanding washing over him is visible, turning into fierce objection. “No. Nu uh. You are not coming with us!”

              My brows furrow; that’s not the reaction I was expecting from him. Excitement, veiled worry, anger at not being told by his master, maybe even enthusiasm at my presence—those were the things I expected, but his protest is that I’m going with them.

              “What?”

              “You’re not coming,” he repeats.

              I don’t know what it is in me that reacts to this, but it’s insulted. “That’s not really for you to decide.”

              Looking ready to fight me over this, he snarls, “No! You’re going back to the castle and telling Master Odin that you refuse.”

              “Excuse me?! The last time I checked, I outrank you!” This retaliation further drives home the point that there’s a gap between us. “So I don’t know what silly little delusion you have that makes you think you can boss me around, but you don’t own me! I make my own decisions!”

              The combativeness shines in his eyes. “The last time you went on a mission, you disappeared for a month and came back a complete wreck! It took weeks for you to stop having nightmares!”

              “So what!”

              “So what?! It took me all night to convince myself you’d be okay long enough for me to go to school the next morning! And then I spent all day worrying you were having a meltdown while I wasn’t there!”

              “This is part of my job! And I’m not going to let a few bad dreams keep me from protecting the person I care about!” Interrupting his argument, I add on, “Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing!” The boy scowls. “Go on! Tell me!”

              “It doesn’t matter what I would do! You’re not going!”

              “Try and stop me!” His teeth bare. “If you don’t have anything else to say, I’m going home!”

              My boyfriend just stands there, glaring at me.

              Say something! Say something, you idiot! Yell at me more, grab me, do something! Anything! Don’t let it end like this!

              I can’t blame him for not stopping me and I'm ashamed to say that I walked away at that point.

              Slamming the door behind me, I lean against it, my weakness finally slipping through my eyelids.

#bragi #khdr bragi #kh bragi #bragi x reader #smarmy fluffcoat #smarmy nonsense #gender neutral reader

[taruyison]

Tagged by @stxphxn-strange - always a delight!!

You can find their post here

Would You Rather - Fanfic Version

(I responded to all the questions under the cut cause it would be such a long post. Btw, if you wanna do a read more tag on mobile, write :readmore: and press the enter button. Works like a charm 👌)

Do you prefer friends to lovers or enemies to lovers? - I feel like I haven’t really read any of these tropes, but I think I’d say friends to lovers because that’s wholesome (although enemies to lovers could be FEELS)

Would you rather be forced to watch a terrible movie adaptation of your favorite fanfic or an amazing adaptation of your least favorite fanfic? - I’m a giant movie critic, although silently, so I might want the amazing adaptation tbh

Would you rather read fanfic chapters backwards or read them as parsed from google translate? - “I’m fluent in Google Translate”

Would you rather consume every fanfic as an audiobook read by a monotone narrator or have to read on a tiny printed piece of papers written in yellow highlighter? - Monotone audiobook; how am I supposed to see *anything* written in highlighter??

Would you rather get a tattoo on your body of very fanfic title you read or never read fanfic again? - I’ve always wanted a tattoo tbh, and imagine having the titles of the fics you adore on your arms. Great way to remember if you wanna go back for a re-read! 👌

Do you prefer vampire au or werewolf au? - I haven’t read enough of any of these to know for sure, but let’s say Vampire AU 🙈

Would you rather get sold to a boy band or be stuck in a time loop with your love interest? - Oh yeah, just throw me into the Doctor Strange canon cause I literally have no love life and he’s the closest thing to anything called a love interest 😂

Would you rather kill your favorite character or marry your least favorite character? - I’ve already killed my favorite character so I guess it’s time to marry my least favorite

Would you rather meet your love interest in a coffee shop au or college au? - Coffee Shop AU cause then I can be lazy and sit in a corner and slurp tea while stalking him

Would you rather have your fic history leaked or never read another fanfic again? - I don’t think I have anything *too* bad in my history, and I still have plenty of fics I wanna read, as sooo (129 + 5 on my TBR)

Would you rather be able to read amazing fanfiction but it always has an mpreg plot twist or only read bad fanfiction for the rest of your life? - I mean, mpreg is my jam so why the hell not? Why is this even a question sksksksk--

Would you rather gay ships or straight ships? - Be gay, do crimes!

Would you rather ship a rarepair with almost no content or a pair with lots of content but almost all of it is cracky nightmare smut? - Rarepair (tbh I think I have one exactly like this) (oh god, you have me thinking about the baby carrot incident-- DO NOT REMIND ME OF THE BABY CARROT INCIDENT)

Would you rather see your otp shatter years after their happily ever after or never have the happily ever after happen in the first place? - Reading or writing? Cause I could write both, it would probably even be fun writing some good old angst and heartbreak, but I’d probably prefer to read the latter

Would you rather read a poorly written but complete fanfic or a literary masterpiece last updated june 2013? - Why do you have to attack me like this sjsbddjsm-- I choose masterpiece

Would you rather read SSSS++++ tier smut with almost 11k words or 70k words worth of fluff? - Can I just ask.. Is the 11k *only* smut? Like are they literally having sex for three damn days straight with no breaks? Then I’d probably pick the fluff because damn, the smut would get messy (and probably unsanitary)

Would you rather read only alternate universe fanfics or only canon fanfics? - Alternate Universe, duh; we don’t do canon in this household

Would you rather introduce fanfics to your normie friend with an ongoing smut fic with great writing or a complete fluff fic with terrible writing? - Wait, normies actually exist? Like, for real? I thought they were a myth! But yeah, probably the smut fic to keep them on their toes, lol

Would you rather read your notp with all your favorite tropes and perfect characterization or your otp with tropes you despise and inconsistent characterization? - I don’t even think I have a notp, but I’d prefer good characterization tbh

Would you rather have a major character death or have a bed sharing scene but it’s a ship you hate? - Major Character Death; we’ve all been through it

Would you rather every fanfic includes Jackson Wang or every fanfic includes at least one nsfw moment? - Don’t they already? Lmao, nsfw please

Would you rather read a fanfic that has constant grammar and spelling mistakes or one that the characters are wildly different than canon? - OOC; rather good spelling than bad because I have an ounce of perfectionism

Would you rather read the most absolutely messed up dead dove with your most wholesome ship or subject yourself to 100,000 words of your notp all written in a solid block with no punctuation and horrible grammar? - I realize I know nothing about the Dead Dove trope, but I literally can’t stand giant walls of text. I’m in *physical pain* from people who don’t know how to paragraph. Which means yes, I pick the dove

Would you rather have the power to read every fanfic in existence or have the power to make any ship canon? - IronStrange, here we come! I guess that doesn’t actually answer the question, lol. Second option

Would you rather read a cringy 70 chapter harry styles mafia au or a high school kpop au y/n fic with horrible grammar? - I’ve no joke stumbled upon a mildly erotic kpop fanfiction on Twitter at some point and that shit was weirdly interesting. I know nothing about kpop but that author was good. Probably picking the Mafia AU though cause that seems like a morbidly interesting idea

Would you rather have your otp get together in canon but one of them dies in a tragic way or all members of your otp survive but get together with other people? - Isn’t both of these just Marvel canon at this point? Bahbaii Tony Stark, but if he *had* survived, he’d still be with Pepper; rip IronStrange either way. Still, I’ll pick the first

Would you rather accidentally send your boss a super detailed smut fic or read a super detailed smut fic about your boss? - Who’s my boss if I’m unemployed? Self-employment? Myself then? Lol, joke’s on you because I *write* detailed smut about myself (no, I ain't sharing, I’m a coward) (at least let me finish it first, jfc)

Would you rather read smut fanfic aloud to your parents or submit smut fanfic to the employer of your dream job? - I think I need context about this one-- Did the employer *ask* for this submission? Is this the criteria to get the job? Because if so, hell yeah I would (though I’m wondering if I might already have read a smut fic to my parents at some point >.>)

Would you rather pine after an oblivious love interest or be the oblivious love interest pined after? - I have pined and I legit have been pined for. Can’t say either of them was very interesting, but I pick the latter (I was turned down when I asked that stupid old crush for a dance... Twice)

Would you rather hanahaki disease or your soulmate’s first words to you tattooed on your body (and they’re really stupid)? - Soulmate’s words. I imagine I’d say something equally as stupid back

Would you rather be an alpha, beta, or omega in omegaverse? - I think the most convenient choice here would be beta, but I really think it would be interesting to be an omega and still keep my asshole demeanor. “Fuck you alpha, I ain’t for sale today”

Would you rather read a fanfic where the characters turn into furries or a fanfic where the characters all get pregnant? - How about all the characters turn fuzzy AND pregnant? Didn’t think about that one, did you 😏

Would you rather be able to resurrect dead fics or have the power to create a plethora of new fics effortlessly? - I already have too many ideas swimming in my head and I don’t need more. However, too many fics have been lost into the void, and I have a few that I absolutely would like to see born anew!

Alright this was cool! I like thinking about fanfiction and talking about fanfiction, so this was a really fun tag! Thanks again stxphxn

I believe everyone that cones to mind has already been tagged for this but ssksnsjdb @dezmondmyles @hickapostsart @ironstrangeislove and literally anyone who wants to gossip about fanfiction--

Have fun! :)

#tag game #fanfiction #taru writes #me

[txthearteu]

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @soobindipity​ 🥰 thank you bb 😌❤️

tagging @btxtreads​​ @choisoobinie​​ @unlocktxt​​ @bffsoobin (this one is long so feel free not to do it ahahahaksksksks)

note: i found the breakers somewhere here in tumblr but i forgot who the owner is, so full credits to whoever owns these breakers

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course it’s their debut song Crown. I have to admit, I listened to them not because i discovered them but because of the whole “bighit is releasing another boy group” fiasco. people thought the hype would die down, i did too, but to this day the boys never failed me. they consistently made me happy with the content they gave out for everyone to enjoy. also adding, i think i’m attracted to them more (compared to their seniors) since they’re around my age– something in which i feel like i can relate to (in terms of the content they put out, or the jokes, etc)

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a music artist (pop star) 😔

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

travel to Japan and explore the place 😩

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

chopsticks hahahahaha because i usually eat using the spoon and fork when i eat out 

favourite type of plushies and why?

anything twotuckgom related! they’re so soft and convenient because of the size. i also kinda wanna buy the bolsters 👀

favourite song right now?

i don’t have any but if you ask what i’ve been jamming to i’d say its city girls by chris brown

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

producing music, japanese, korean, hacking 

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

so in the city where i live, there are places in which the canals don’t have any stoppers. i saw this kid walking with his family alongside these canals and he was just vibing with the song he was singing to. he was so into the song he was singing that he missed a step and he kinda slipped and fell in to the canal (don’t worry though there weren’t any serious injuries) and i swear it was a funny sight 

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones! when the opportunity is present then i’d listen to my music with no outside noise

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

corndogs 👀

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since i’m on spotify family 

😌✌️

questions from eri to me:

what’s the best trip/vacation you’ve ever had?

the vacation i had in Japan last year! 10 days never felt so short in my life and i was planning to go back earlier this year but you know...’rona....

do you have any random fears/phobias? if yes, what are they?

i’m the toughest gal everyone knows but i get really creeped out by butterflies or bugs. i also get scared with inanimate objects that look like a human being when it’s laying still in the dark, i’m scared of mirrors as well HAHA.

weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

worms

do you have any hidden talents? what can you do?

i can curl my tongue into what seems to resemble a three-leafed clover. i can also mimic voices well and, from what my friends said, i could actually dance well and im super fast in picking up choreography hahaha (ok but it’s what they said okay)

what is an activity you’d like to try out someday?

biking/hiking/camping :> 

when did you get your first phone and what type of phone was it?

i think it was back in 4th grade and it was the famous nokia 3310 

what is a movie you never get tired of watching?

flipped!

biggest pet peeve?

 i absolutely get annoyed when someone tries to rush me and by the time i’m ready, they haven’t readied themselves

earliest childhood memory?

i put sand in this ice-cream-cone-looking rock, and i ate the sand thinking it tasted like ice cream

as a child, what did you want to be? what about now?

a music artist (pop star), until now that’s still my dream but unfortunately, i had to be “practical” 

✌️😌

questions from me to you:

android or apple? why?

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

if someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

favorite season and why

what made you enter tumblr?

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people

.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: cj

birthday: oct 12

zodiac: libra

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino (and my dialect), lil teeny bit or korean and japanese kskskskksks

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5'1 and a half (spare me the half pls im trying to act tall)

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: to put it simply, i love txt

blog established: start of quarantine

followers: 43 lovely followers! 

FAVORITES

favourite animals: do you know cat and dog?

favourite books: anarchy by styleslegend (swear i've been hyping it since my 1d days) ; the tale of heidi by johanna spyri

favourite colour: yellow/brown/black (can’t choose)

favourite fictional characters: hulk, hinata shoyo, tomoe (from kamisama kiss)

favourite flower: i don’t have any ahahahhaha

favourite scent: mens perfume/deoderant

favourite season: spring

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 6-9

cats or dogs: (i love them both but i really love dogs but i just wanna hug them both because i love both cats and dogs)

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee is my go to energizer, for some chill time i’d go for hot choco

current time: 22:34

dream trip: japan(again)/australia/europe 😩

dream job: music artist 😔

hobbies: playing instruments [violin piano ukelele sometimes guitar and drums], listening to music, writing songs, beatboxing

hogwarts house: slytherin 

last movie watched: oh dear god i cant remember HAHA

last song listened to: bbibbi by iu

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, i’d combine mint choco and bubblegum ice cream; when i’m bored i try to re-read all my past lessons AHAHAHAHAHA; currently in a 5-year relationship akshsskskssjsjduskgkad

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to

city girls - chris brown, young thug

angel or devil - tomorrow by together

paradise - bts

zombie - day6

see you again - tyler the creator, kali uchis

dally - hyolyn, gray

love - kendrick lamar, zacari

redemption (with babes wodumo) - kendrick lamar, zacari

pyramids - frank ocean

all in - monsta x

#this was long #but i enjoyed answering it hehe #i'm having a music slump rn so my music choices aren't updated aksshshhshsjsjjsks #i love you all #love me back #🥰❤️

[katherinewilliams221b]

Of friends and fights

Summary: After Harry joins the Order in the Noble and Most ancient House of Black, he gets to interact with Kate and listen to her advice. We also learn a little about Kate’s family.

Warning: Kind of out of caracter Tonks and Harry because this is the first time I wrtite him. Well everybody is just ooc because, Molly, we’re all tense and that’s normal.

No pairings, just something I had on my mind.

“Let’s play a game; you grab one of the little flasks you keep under your robes, chug one down and leave. You can even choose which one.”

Snape had gone too far. Bringing Jacob into the conversation was uncalled for and out of line. Kate thought that she was being unreasonable and had promised herself and Charlie that she would control her emotions in front of the Order. It was unavoidable to slip Jacob’s name into the conversation. Well, I can’t stop the storm now.

Molly gasped loudly and shoved her towel on the table. “Katherine!” The room was silent for a brief second, enough time to let all the tension explode.

“You are blinded by your anger and resentment…”

“You don’t know anything about me, Lupin!”

“Hey!” Protested Tonks, which triggered a round of indiscernible fighting.

“Stop shouting, you are going to wake up the children!” The room fell silent again, leaving Kate and Tonks breathing heavily and staring defiantly into each other’s eyes.

Kate turned to Sirius who hadn’t participated in the exchange. “I’d rather be yelled at by your mother’s portrait that keeping up with this meeting.” Sirius just grimaced in acknowledgement. Snape stood up and for a moment Kate thought that he might do something other than speak. In response, she stood up too.

“That would be quite convenient,” everybody turned to him “I’m still not quite sure why Dumbledore let such an irresponsible and problematic child take any kind of task that could be considered of importance.”

She was still thinking how to reply when the proverbial bell saved her.

“Severus.” Said the unmistakable voice of Albus Dumbledore. She didn’t need to turn around and wouldn’t. Great. Just, great. “May I speak with you?”

Snape stole one last disgusted glance at Kate and swished his tunic out of the kitchen. When the sound of steps faded, Kate deflated visibly.

“I didn’t expect this kind of behaviour from you, Kate. I’m very disappointed.” Mrs Weasley scolded.

“Now, Molly, we are just all very tense and, that’s understandable.” Arthur tried to reason.

Kate looked up from the wooden table to Lupin. She was about to apologise for shouting at him when Tonks spoke.

“Maybe she could help cleaning the place to relax, you know, because she hasn’t moved a finger…” Kate snapped her head up at her best friend’s comment.

“I arrived two hours ago! May I remind you that I live a thousand miles away from here? Literally!” She paused and added whispering “And don’t talk about me like I’m not in front of your face! What’s gotten into you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you? We’ve never had any problems until you came around. It’s always like that with you.”

“Say that again but with more conviction.”

Silence filled the air again. No one dared to look at each other.

“What a quiet reunion…” Dumbledore and Snape re-entered the room and they all forced themselves to look at the bearded man. “We are already heading into a war, the last thing we need is fighting with each other.” The gentle tone of his voice made Kate shudder with suspicion. She sighed mentally.

Suddenly, her head felt like it was being pressed between two bricks. She frowned and turned around looking at Dumbledore, searching for any sign that…no. It’s not him. Vivid images of his brother were swirling around, mixing with memories of Charlie, her grandparents’ house, Tonks cutting her hair, she trying to ride a bicycle. Her mind stopped at a conversation with Dumbledore, where she’d just joined the Order, not long ago.

She turned abruptly to Snape, not noticing the odd looks the rest were giving her.

“Enough.”

“You are weak.”

“Just because I don’t want to get into people’s minds doesn’t mean I’m weak.”

“Yes, it does. And the Dark Lord won’t hesitate in doing so with you.”

“Have you been dreaming of Jacob lately?” Dumbledore asked solemnly.

“I…yes. But that’s not special. I often dream about him.”

“But now they’re different.” He didn’t ask. “More, violent. Can you distinguish the dream and the memory?” Realisation hit her and she let her mouth hang open. “I respected your decision when you refused training, but now we must act accordingly to the situation. Professor Snape accepted to teach you…”

“And I kindly refuse again…” she interrupted, and Dumbledore raised a hand at chest level.

“To teach you for the rest of the summer before classes start.”

Kate sighed and moved her gaze to Snape, then the rest of the room. Everyone was staring at her except for Tonks.

“Katie, dear, are you…are you a legilimens?” asked Molly “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I knew.” Interrupted Tonks without lifting her gaze from the table. Kate shifted uncomfortably and sat on the chair in front of her. “We found out at Hogwarts.”

“We? Who is we?” asked Arthur.

“Only a few people know; Charlie, Rowan, Penny and me.”

Molly turned to Kate. Her expression blank but, Kate could notice the fear and suspicion. “But can you actually…?

“No. No, I can’t read your mind. I just…kind of…It’s hard to explain.” She grabbed her necklace and started toying with it. “It’s more of a feeling, a sensation, I perceive other people’s energy. It gets really loud sometimes. I really thought it happened to everybody until Dumbledore explained it to me.”

“Some people are born with that predisposition but, it’s an ability that can be learnt, and trained.” He scanned the room and looked at everyone in the eye before adding cheerfully, “Well, I must go now. Arthur, you wouldn’t mind accompanying Harry to the hearing, right?” Mr Weasley cleared his throat. “Of course, of course. I’ll make sure everything goes smoothly.” “I’ll join you if you don’t mind. As Snuffles, of course.” Added Sirius.

Dumbledore looked at him but said nothing. Kate could see in his eyes that he didn’t approve of that decision, but he remained silent. “Alright then,” he turned to Snape “Severus, you might start as soon as possible.”

Snape gave a short nod and left after Dumbledore.

Kate hesitated for a moment and ran after him. She couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. The hearing was in two days.

“Wait!”

Dumbledore turned and stared at her with smirking eyes.

“Have you told him?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. Harry. Have you told him what’s going on and what do we do?”

“I believe Harry is been filled in the essentials of the Order.”

“Yes, but you haven’t talked with him. For some reason he is very important, you know why, and he needs to know as well. You can’t skip parts of the truth

 “When the time is right, everything will fall into place.”

I’m going to punch him in the face. Kate thought just as a shimmer lit his eyes, but she couldn’t recognize what it was. “Professor Snape will give you the first lesson tomorrow.”

“And it will be the last one. I must go back to Romania in two days”

“That won’t be a problem. You will continue with the lessons from there.” He suddenly remembered something “Oh, and would you ask Mr Weasley to bring some brandy from Transylvania? But the Muggle one; it has a different taste.”

Kate didn’t make any more comments about the topic, but the idea of having Snape constantly in her head wasn’t amusing in the slightest. That thought created another wave of problems. She nodded, vaguely registering that he was talking about Charlie.

“Do you think Voldemort was getting into my mind?” Dumbledore pretended to think about an answer.

“It is probable, yes. In my opinion, someone told him about you.”

“What’s there to tell?”

“Well, you participated in quite a scandal back at Hogwarts, you know teachers and aurors, both of your parents are involved in international affairs and you are related to important Ministry’s figures. You certainly could be an inconvenience.” Kate’s worried look increased as he spoke, ending in her staring at a stain on the carpet with a deep frown. “The question is not what, but who. I’m sure that with a few of Professor Snape’s lessons you will have nothing to worry about.”

Dumbledore’s voice brought her back to present. She didn’t have time to respond when she saw him disappear into the air.

She turned around with a heavy sigh and found Remus leaning on the door frame to the kitchen.

“I am angry.  And scared” Remus looked down and nodded slowly. “I don’t blame you for that.”

“I think I need some sleep.” She passed him and climbed a few steps. “I’m sorry I shouted at you.”

“Forgotten.” Remus forced half a smile and she nodded before making her way to the bedroom.

The next day, Kate found herself cleaning the doxys out one of the top rooms in the house. Lupin kindly suggested Tonks could help her.

“You have no idea what’s been like working as an auror these days. Everybody is asking funny questions, I don’t trust any of those potential traitors anymore, just Moody.”

“At least you didn’t have to quit your job…” Tonks snapped her head towards her. “What did you expect? That my boss was going to wait for me while I ran around Europe? I resigned as soon as Dumbledore told me what my mission was.”

“And what’s that exactly?” Kate noticed the tone she used had warmed up a bit.

“Fulfil my father’s dream of becoming a Ministry’s employee.” She said rolling her eyes. “I have to go to Albania…”

“You what?! Are you out of your mind?”

“I need to schedule a reunion with the Minister of Albania and unless I have an appointment, signed and approved by multiple old men with black robes it is absolutely impossible. And of course, no one would believe Voldemort is back and that he’d been hiding in their forests for a long time. Pass me that thing” She added pointing to the black spray on a table.

“How do you pretend to get that signed?”

“I don’t. That would take months, even years. I’m here to…to talk with my father. Alright, here we go, cover you nose.” They both covered their noses and mouths and Kate sprayed the curtain were a few doxys were clinging onto. When four doxys fell to the floor unconscious, Tonks quirked an eyebrow and let out a disbelieving laugh. “Wow. How long is it been?”

“Face to face? A while. We owl each other more often than you imagine.” Kate stopped spraying the curtains and looked out of the window. “Honestly, I’m a bit scared. After all these years we’ve never discussed…well, Jacob. And that’s something that will come out sooner or later. I’m not sure if I’m prepared for that.” She grabbed a bag near the window and carefully put the fallen doxys into it.

“What about your mom?”

“What about her?”

“Are you going to see her?”

“I don’t even know where she is. Probably photographing some weird disaster in Asia or America…” Kate laughed ironically and tied the bag.

“Why don’t you tell her to make the Prophet stop talking about Harry?”

“She is just a columnist, she doesn’t have that power and it would start a waterfall of questions: Why are you asking? Do you know something? Do you have a secret source? It’s too risky.” Tonks buffed “Remus was right.”

“Alright,” Kate left the spray and the bag on the floor and rose quickly. “let’s have at it. What have I done to you, hm?”

Tonks shook her head and resumed cleaning the big stain on the wall. “Remus said that you were angry at Dumbledore because of what happened at Hogwarts and that you would disagree with every decision. That you could interfere with the Order. And you know what? He is right, you tend to put everyone in trouble.”

“I think you inhaled too much of this bundimun secretion.” She tapped the spray on the floor with her foot making it tumble. “Listen, I don’t deny that I’d prefer to work with anyone but him, but I quitted my job, put my project on hold and declined a program to become a mediwizard for a cause that is bigger than me, Dumbledore or anyone, and since when do you listen to what a person you barely know says about me? Thank you for being on my side…” she spat sarcastically.

“I’m always on you side, you’re my best friend!”

“Then why are you bein’ such a scutterin’ gobshite!?”

They went silent and looked at each other until Tonks snorted, blowing her hair up a little. When she started laughing, Kate couldn’t help but tag along.

“Bloody hell, never heard you talk like that! Please, Master, teach me!” She bowed comically.

“My grandfather has taught me all he knows, he has a whole repertoire on those.”

Their laughs died down and Kate saw on her face the same look she sees in Charlie when he doesn’t know how to tell her something she might not like.

“Seriously, though, what’s going on?” Tonks sighed suddenly very interested in a loose nail on the wooden floor.

“I don’t really know what’s gotten into me…last night when you…when you shouted at Remus, I wanted to slap you.” She bit her thumb nail but didn’t look up. “It surprised even me.”

Kate moved closer to her and sought her gaze. “Tonks, do you…do you fancy the guy?” She whispered.

Tonks closed her eyes tightly and scrunched her nose. “Perhaps…”

“Oh, Merlin!” Kate squealed making Tonks launch herself to her and covering her mouth.

“Shut it, will you? It’s no big deal, I just think he is nice.”

“Yeah, no big deal…” Kate threw her a brilliant smile and Tonks reciprocated.

“You know, you don’t have to act like an idiot if you like someone.”

Tonks pushed her shoulder playfully. “Oh, come on, you can be… I was afraid that you…”

“Wouldn’t like him? Alright, I deserve that, but were you actually afraid of what I would think or afraid I would embarrass you? I have some interesting stories I’m sure he’d like”

Tonks quirked a brow and shook her head smiling. “Little bit of both. And don’t forget I have a lot of material about you, too. No, but honestly…” Now turning more serious “he…”

“I know a werewolf when I see one, Nym.” She didn’t know how to address the topic and it seemed the perfect opportunity. Tonks’ look of surprise was expected. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about it. Neither of both things.”

“Come ‘ere ye’ gobshite.” They laughed and hugged each other until they heard a knock on the door.

Harry Potter’s head appeared from behind the door. “Uh…Mrs Weasley asked me to help with the Doxys…”

“Thank Merlin! I’m going to wax my comet.” She said opening the door for Harry to enter.

“You can’t even clean the floor with that thing, buy a Nimbus already!” Tonks scrunched her nose and her face transformed into an exact copy of Kate’s face. “Look, I’m Kate, I don’t know the first thing about flying or broomsticks, but I won’t hesitate in giving you advice.” Kate rolled her eyes and looked at Harry shaking her head. He half smiled uncomfortably.

Once Tonks was out of sight, she was left with a shifting Harry. She stared at him while he looked around the room nervously, his gaze stopping at the shaking closet.

“You are free to go, if you want to. I won’t tell Molly. There’s a bunch of them in the closet and I think a queen too, those are hard to jinx.” She offered trying to ease his mind.

“No, I… I’ve got rid of doxys already, downstairs.” He walked to the other side of the room and grabbed the spray that lay on the floor. “Let’s do this.” Kate nodded, grabbed a leather collar from the table and put it around her neck. “Queens are particularly aggressive and more venomous, you should put one too. Necks are sensitive.” He put it on, nodded again and covered his nose before pointing at the closet with the spray.

“When I open the closet, I’m going to jink them to stop them from flying away and as soon as I do that you empty the entire thing on them, okay?”

“I’m ready.”

–

Two bags filled with doxys later, Harry and Kate sat awkwardly on the couch beside the window. Kate broke the silence and shifted her body to look at him. “So, what did you want to tell me?” Harry looked at her with big eyes. “How did you know…”

“We finished a while ago and you didn’t try to escape.” She laughed getting rid of some of the tension in the air. “And you just confirmed it.” Harry sighed and put his hand on his knees staring at the bag of doxys.

“Ron suggested that I could talk to you. He said that…that you would understand what I…? Honestly, I don’t need a therapist.”

Kate looked down and processed what she’s just been told. “Luckily for you I just heal bodies, not minds. How much do you know about me, Harry?”

“Not much, uh…just that you were famous around Hogwarts, and that there’s a picture of you in the duelling club room. Hermione knows more about you than anyone, probably.”

“I guess we have that in common: we were famous before entering Hogwarts and we didn’t want it.” Harry nodded and looked at her. “What exactly did you do?”

“Me? Nothing! Well not nothing, at first nothing but then…” she chuckled, and it was contagious, so Harry followed. “My brother went missing looking for some secret vaults in the castle. Naturally I started looking for him, broke several rules per year and almost killed everybody near me. By accident, I swear! For some reason no one liked that.” She raised her hand to her chest promising she was telling the truth and she laughed.

“How did you cope with that?”

“I mostly didn’t.” She said in a funny way that made Harry wonder how bad of a time she had. “I guess I tried to keep my mind always busy. Studying, practising duelling, I didn’t sleep much anyway, so…”

“What happened to your brother?” The question made her take a deep breath. “Can’t you guess?”

Harry nodded and murmured an apology. “In a deep, deep part of my mind I knew how it was going to end. To accept that was the difficult part.”

“How did your friends take all of that?”

Kate grimaced and tilted her head. “We had our ups and downs.” She knew what this was coming from. “Last year was mostly a down for you, huh?” Harry nodded in a ‘Don’t I know it’ manner. “Last year, and the year before that and every year. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want it. I don’t want people whispering behind my back, my own friends whispering behind my back! And no one, ever, tells me what’s happening. Not even Dumbledore.”

Specially Dumbledore. She thought. “Don’t rely on Dumbledore for everything, Harry.”

“Do you think he’ll help me at the hearing?”

“Oh, I’m sure he will.” Something in her tone made Harry not be as relieved as he expected to be. Kate noticed this and rectified, “Harry, you must understand that Dumbledore is…team Dumbledore. He keeps secrets, that’s what he does…”

“He is a good man.”

“I’m not saying he is a bad man. It’s just…there’s a reason behind everything he does, and we, simple mortals, will never know what those reasons are.”

His silence let her know it was dead end, so she resumed a previous topic.

“You can fight with them every day, Harry, but they will be there for you just as you for them. I know that. It is difficult to…transmit something that is important to you and they don’t seem to understand, and they never will, because it’s not happening to them. That doesn’t mean they can’t help you.” She laughed sarcastically and pointed at the door with her thumb. “Tonks here, I would die for her, but sometimes I just want to strangle her.” When their chuckles died down Kate put a hand on Harry’s shoulder and squeezed. “You are doing great, Harry. I want you to know that, well, we barely know each other, and I know you’d prefer to stay here, with Sirius…but you will always have a safe place in Romania if you ever want to escape for a while.” Harry nodded in gratitude and Kate smiled trying to lighten the mood.

“And remember: keep your friends close.” She stood up and grabbed the bags. “That’s what kept me sane.” She thought about that sentence again. “Well, moderately sane.” Harry smiled and stood up as well, opening the door for her. When she was almost halfway down the stairs he said from above: “Flitwick says you could be the best duellist of the century.”

She smirked and lifted her chin defiantly. “What? You want to see if it’s true?”

“I want to see if I can replace your picture with mine.”

She laughed and climbed the last steps down the stairs. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Hey, Kate!” he shouted before she disappeared around the corner  “Thank you.”

Kate nodded knowing he wasn’t talking about a potential duelling lesson

.

#hogwartsmystery #mc #harry potter #tonks #nymphadora tonks #remus lupin #sirius black #snapesnapeseverussnape #dumbledore #albus dumbledore #weasley #Ron Weasley #molly weasley #arthur weasley

[wrennix062]

Let's get personal:

• 6 of the songs you listen to most?

You’ll Be Back (Hamilton), Car Radio (TØP Vessel), Soldier Poet King (The Oh Hellos), IDK You Yet (Alexander 23), Lemons (Brye), S.L.U.T (Bea Miller)

• If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Thomas Sanders

• Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"Her smile faded, her chest tightened, and heavy blanket of anguis smothered her smallest joy."

• What do you think about most?

Whether or not the world exists

• What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Goodnight

• Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With

• What's your strangest talent?

Uhm, I can identify any bird based on a picture (not that great a talent)

• Girls... (finish the sentence) Boys... (finish the sentence)

Girls are handsome. Boys are beautiful.

• Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that I know of

• When was the last time you played the air guitar?

Earlier tonight (i was listening to the phineas and ferb theme song)

• Do you have any strange phobias?

Agoraphobia (fear or large spaces/rooms, I always hated gym class)

• Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

One of those round flat LEGO dots

• What's your religion

I don't have one specific, though I lean towards a philosophy known as the Dao De Jing

• If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Birding

• Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

• Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Twenty Øne Pilots

• What was the last lie you told?

That I practiced piano

• Do you believe in karma?

It depends.

• What does your URL mean?

Pidgeon refers to Pidge Gunderson from Voltron Legendary Defender, 11206 is my favorite number

• What is your greatest weakness and strength?

Weakness - Emotions Strength - Music/Art/Writing

• Who is your celebrity crush?

Bex Taylor-Klaus

• Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

No

• How do you vent your anger?

Writing angst

• Do you have a collection of anything?

Tiny screwdrivers

• Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Honestly it doesn't really matter. As long as I'm able to talk to them and hear them, I'm good.

• Are you happy with the person you've become?

More or less.

• What's a sound you hate vs a sound you love?

Hate - hail on my window or roof Love - pencil tapping

• What's your biggest "what if"?

What if the world as we know it doesn't exist and we are all living an illusion surrounded by other illusions that act as if they understand reality?

"I think, therefore I am."

• Do you believe in ghosts? What about aliens?

Ghosts, more or less. Aliens, absolutely. There is a vast and ever growing space beyond our knowledge, there is no way we're the only planet capable of harboring life.

• Stick your right arm out. What do you feel first? The same with your left arm.

Right - my nightstand Left - my wall

• Smell the air. What do you smell?

My dogs

• What's the worst place you have ever been to?

A mental hospital, visiting a family member. (No, it wasn't an insane asylum, this family member was dealing with suicidal thoughts and tendencies.)

• Choose - East or West coast?

East.

• Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I am all genders and none, but of my opposite sex would be Shawn Mendes

• To you, what is the meaning of life?

There is none. You wake up, do things daily, go to sleep, and repeat until you die. You aren't meant to do things differently, some people are just considered better than others and actually make an impact.

• Define Art.

A way for others to interpret an individual's self expression

• Do you believe in luck?

Yes. The universe doesn't treat people the same all the time.

• What's the weather like right now?

It's storming outside, lots of thunder and lightning and rain.

• What time is it?

At the time of writing this question, 12:10 am

• Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No, I don't drive.

• What was the last book you read?

"The Mysterious Benedict Society"

• Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Absolutely not.

• Do you have any nicknames?

One of my friends refers to me as Remus because I remind her of Remus from Sanders Sides

• What was the last film you saw?

"After The Dark" otherwise known as "The Philisphers"

• What's the worst injury you've had?

Between spraining my wrist and getting a two inch split on my scalp

• Have you ever caught a butterfly?

No, but I have held one and walked with it without it flying away

• Do you have any obsessions right now?

Chemical Engineering, learning Italian, Philosophy

• What's your sexual orientation?

Asexual - Panromantic

• Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yes

• Do you believe in magic?

Not really, no (but I do believe in the paranormal)

• Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

The only person I know has done me wrong gaslighted me and made me believe it was my fault, so no

• What's your astrological sign?

Aquarius

• Do you save money or spend it?

Depends on if we're talking about video games or real life

• What's the last thing you purchased?

Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha

• Love or Lust?

Lust is fake. I will always and forever choose love

• In a relationship?

Nope

• How many relationships have you had?

Four

• Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No

• Where were you yesterday?

At home

• Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

An old toy vault that I got at a book fair

• Are you wearing socks right now?

No

• What's your favorite animal?

It's between a lion, a snake, or a coral polyp

• What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Use a super cheesy dad joke, it always makes everyone laugh

• Where is your best friend?

At home

• Give me your top five favorite blogs on Tumblr

Idk I don't really follow any blogs

• What is your heritage?

Italian, Danish, Norwegian, English

• What were you doing last night at 12:00 am?

Writing fanfiction

• What do you think is Satan's last name?

Grovum (don't ask me why)

• Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I tried, I hated it

• Are you the kind of friend you want to have as a friend?

Not really, no

• You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you that if you are late on more time, you get fired. What do you do?

If I'm late all the time, it means I don't wanna be there. I'll search for my dream job, but right now there is an innocent life at stake and I can do something about it.

• You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone that you're going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I tell my closest family and friends. I want them to be there for me, but if I tell anyone I'm not close with, they will only pity me.

b) I will spend the rest of my time eating chocolate, drinking coffee like it's soup, and blending waffles, because doing something weird is doing something fun.

c) Not at all. Death is an inevitable concept. I would be sad, I would be angry, but I would not be afraid. There isn't a point to being scared of something you can't avoid.

• You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

I choose love. Living life without loving another person, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial, would be torture. And for me, love is the same as trust, but trust is not the same as love.

• What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

"Sincerely Me" from Dear Evan Hansen

• What are the last four digits of your cell phone number?

9286

• In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Equality.

• How can I win your heart?

Chocolate, a Ferris wheel ride at night, and accepting my sexual orientation.

• Can insanity have more creativity?

No. Creativity is always in the back of your mind. The same is with darker creativity. Insanity just brings it to the forefront or makes you act on it.

• What is the single best decision you have made in your life?

I decided that self harm doesn't help. I'm glad I did, or I could have landed myself in a hospital.

• What size shoes do you wear?

8 1/2

• What quote would be written on your tombstone?

"Life is a locked door. Death is the key.

Death is a locked door. Life is the key."

• What is your favorite word?

Infinitesimal

• Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word heart.

Red mixed with black and white.

• What is a saying you say a lot?

What can you do when you live in a shoe

• What is the last song you listened to?

"Heavydirtysoul"

• Basic question, what is your favorite color?

Green

• What is your current desktop picture?

Hogwarts castle

• If you could press one button and make anyone in the world explode, who would it be?

*thinks to self* does my sleep paralysis demon count..?

• What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

It's not a matter of which question, it's a matter of who's asking it

• One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn the light on to find you are surrounded by mummies. The mummies arent really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Offer them some toilet paper, maybe they're here because the ones at the supermarket are still sold out.

• You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they grant you a superpower if your choice. What is that power?

Shapeshifting

• You can re-live any point in time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half hour experience would you like to experience again?

My first time watching the first scene in IT.

• You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Fighting with both of my best friends

• You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

None. I'm asexual.

• You just got a free plane ticket anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Venice, Italy

• Do you have any relatives in jail?

No

• Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes

• Ever been on a plane

No

• If the whole word we're listening to you right now. what would you say?

F**k Donald Trump

[mybukz]

Fiction: Nona Annabelle by Peter Soh

Image  by T RR from Unsplash

This is a catastrophe. I must be dreaming. Wake up, Annabelle. Only when you wake up will you realise this is just a dream.

But they are still here. Pairs of black eyes are looking at me, no matter how many times I close and open my eyes. I can’t recognise any of them. They are not my family members and they definitely can’t be the servants in the house! He must have eaten a lion’s heart to simply enter a nona’s room! So, who are all these men? And the ladies here?

“Who is this girl? She looks like she has no idea where she is. I love mindless girls!” a boy smirks.    “Shut up, Andrew Zach,” the girls growl in unison.

“No girls will like an arrogant guy,” a girl with a ponytail echoes.

The boy scoffs. “Well, I can prove you wrong. Mr Ian always says no one carries the skinhead as good as I do. I don’t blame you girls. You girls have no taste.”

The man is Andrew Zach. His name resembles my cousin’s husband’s, Marvin Zach Pereira, who is a Portuguese.

Wait a minute. Am I in Portugal now?

This Andrew Zach indeed looks like a Portuguese. He has a natural tan on his face, neck, and arms – the one that is completely different from other men where their face and neck and arms are covered with different shades of brown. He has a pair of deep eyes and together with his almost-bald head, his piercing eyes make him a forbidding figure.

“Siapa kamu semua?” I ask faintly.

“She speaks Malay. I fail my Malay,” the girl with a ponytail turns to someone.

“I am not good in Malay too,” Andrew Zach seconds the girl. “Kah Heng, you go and ask the girl who is she instead. You come from the government school and your Malay is better than us.”

Everyone looks into the direction of a boy with small eyes. He shakes his head.

“I don’t want,” he splutters his refusal.

“What do you mean by ‘I don’t want’? Find out where she comes from before Mr Ian comes in.” Andrew Zach is rather loud.

The boy with the name of Kah Heng walks towards me. I retract my legs and redirect my gaze to the floor. I feel so uneasy – I have never come across a man face-to-face before. Except Father.

“Hi,” Kah Heng greets softly.

I avoid his gaze and continue to look at the carpeted floor.

What is ‘hi’?

Wait a minute. Did he mean ‘hoi’? I have heard of this Dutch greeting when Father held meetings with the Dutch in our home. Let’s just try.

“Hoi,” I mutter.

“She is weird,” Andrew Zach interrupts.

“Shut up, Andrew. Let Kah Heng do his job first,” the girl with a ponytail speaks again. This time she looks annoyed.

“All right, Isabelle the class monitor,” Andrew Zach jeers.

Isabelle? Is her name Isabelle? I think that’s a name because my name is Annabelle.

“Apakah nama kamu?” Kah Heng continues.

Did I hear it wrong? He speaks Malay?

“Lu tau cakap bahasa? Gua Annabelle! Kenapa gua kat sini? Ini tempat mana eh? Lu orang siapa?” I cough out all the questions I have in my mind.

“Kami pun tak tau kenapa you kat sini. You kat sini sudah bila kami semua balik ke kelas.”

“Kelas?”

I am in a class? I have never been to a school and I am forbidden from doing so.

“Mana tempat ni?” I try to probe further of my whereabout.

“Quincey International School,”

I can’t understand the language. “Apa?”

“Ni sekolah antarabangsa. You pelajar baru?”

“Pelajar?”

I look at the surroundings. There are many tables and chairs. Underneath those tables are cascades of papers and books. Two white boards are fixed behind me and there are many bright long tubes on the ceiling. The room is extremely cold and everyone looks bewildered.

#

I sit at a metal table not knowing why am I here. All I can remember is I uncoiled my long hair and washed my feet before I went to bed. I am very sure I washed my feet before bed because this has been a practice in my household for generations. It is said to prevent sleepers from having nightmares.

But why am I in a school now? Am I dreaming, still?

Many people are queueing up for food. I have no idea why they have to queue in such a manner – people are distancing themselves from one another for about three feet. They all look scruffy and depressed; the men have long hair and moustaches and their white shirts are full of creases and stains. The ladies have bags under their swollen and bleary eyes and most of them let their hair down like homeless people. And that’s not the worst.

I can’t bear to look at the ladies who are all in short skirts. It is despicable to even create such a dress in the first place, not to mention putting it on. Tak seronoh langsung. A self-respected and dignified nona will never make themselves seen by others, least of all to expose such immodest amount of legs to the public!

I am never allowed to make myself seen. Even my existence in the house is highly guarded and I can never cross to the thia besar where guests and visitors will be seated. The furthest I can venture out without company is the thia gelap. I used to peek through the gilded screen door in the second hall to catch a glimpse of the Dutch businessmen but it wasn’t long for me to have to stay at the quarter end of the household to learn about my jobs.

Mother never lauds me for keeping the thia abu immaculate nor pressing her favourite maroon kain chelay smooth. She often reminds me the laurels of my highest acclaim will be the day when she receives nasi lemak on the 12th day of my wedding. I do not understand what Mother means but I perceive it as the day where I am free to go out from the household without hiding myself in a gunnysack.

At the moment, in the event of me leaving the house – usually to a Baba’s household to help out in cooking for weddings or funerals – Mother will require two male servants in the house to prepare a gunnysack for me to sit in. After I am well covered, a thick bamboo pole will be placed through the gunnysack for the carriers to transport me out from the house. And even so, Mother will never leave me with the carriers; she will always tag along closely because I can never be exposed under the sun.

“This is for you,”

Isabelle carries a tray of food and lays it in front of me.

“Isabelle?” I point at her.

“Yeah, I am Isabelle. This is for you. Food stocks are running low. I hope you don’t mind. Eat something.”

The last thing I want to do is stare at her again but I can’t comprehend any of the words she said. Except her name.

“Makan sikit, Annabelle. You need energy to go through this time,” Isabelle starts tucking a sludgy brown piece of meat into her mouth.

It must have taken a voracious man to be able to swallow such abominable food. I gag at the sight of the food but I sniff a pungent reek of curry.

“Kari?” I ask.

“Yeah, this is green curry chicken.”

I whip a spoonful of gravy and taste it. It isn’t spicy. The food tastes sweet and I find it funny. How can a curry be sweet? Mother would have thrown this rubbish and commanded a re-cook had I possessed the gut to serve this on the family table. I remember the hot slap on my left cheek when I mindlessly put in an extra tablespoon of salt into the curry chicken.

It is always about concentration, precision, and perfection in prepping a nona’s dish, as a nuance in taste can take its toll on my prospective marriage. Mother doesn’t have to keep her eyes on me to know my shortcomings; she knows from the way the rhythm plays when I pound the spices to the taste of the food I prepare.

I find cooking a gruelling task because there is no absolute way to tell how much spices, condiments, and herbs one has to put in in prepping the dishes. It continues to elude me how much to put in; it depends on the portions served and the preferences of each eater. I find it an irony to base my cooking by mere estimation to achieve perfection but I choose to keep quiet. It is better for me to endure the long hours in the steamy kitchen to pound, grind, cook, and steam dish after dish, pastry after pastry, than receiving curses, pains, and humiliation. After all, I am waiting for the day when nasi lemak will be sent home. That’s the day when I can go beyond the thia gelap, step out from the Chan’s family door, to look at the world.

How does the world look like in 1800? I heard from Father that The Stadthuys – the previous residence of the Dutch Governor – is painted in white but I am yet to see it myself. How massive are its walls? How tall are the doors? I believe it must be a prominent building because Mother says it houses important people from the Dutch, and now Britain. It must be interesting to see how different the Dutch and the Brits are since I have never seen a Brit in our house before.

I also heard that there are also a lot of Chinese slowly streaming into Melaka but Father detests them. He always complains how the Napoleonic wars gave chances to the British to bring in more Chinese and my marriage should only take place between compatible families, and never with the sinkeh. I always wonder why Father hates them since our Chinese forebears hailed from Fujian, China, too.

Just like the sinkeh, we bear a Chinese name and we pray to Dato’ Hoot Chor for Her protection and blessings. We celebrate numerous Chinese festivals and these are times when I confine myself mostly to the kitchen, busy grinding flour, separating rice grains, washing pandan leaves, plucking, drying and boiling bunga telang to make different offerings for Mother to bring to temples, such as kueh bakul for Chinese New Year, kueh chang for Kueh Chang Festival, and nasi kunyit during Semayang Bulan Tujuh, where souls of the departed are free to roam around the streets.     I never understand much about Father’s concern for the presence of the new Chinese. The only thing that I am free from doubt is the fact that dishes can never be ruined for they are served to deities, ethereal beings and guests.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Isabelle asks. “Gosh, I keep forgetting that she doesn’t understand English. Kenapa tak makan?”

“Gua tak lapar. Gua dah makan semalam,”

“Yesterday? Then why are you here? Kenapa kamu kat sini?” Isabelle continues to munch on the chicken.

“Gua tak tau…”

“What? How do you come in to the school? The whole school is in lockdown.”

“She is probably a boarder who just somehow wanders into our classroom. We have many international students here, come on.” Andrew Zach chimes in.

“Maybe…Look at her costumes. She is definitely not a local.”

“Mintak tanya eh. Macam mana gua boleh balik rumah?”

“Balik rumah?” Isabelle frowns.

“I told you she is weird,” Andrew Zach concedes.

“Semua orang pun nak balik rumah. Tapi tak boleh,” Isabelle sighs.

“Kenapa?”

“Adui. The school has been placed on lockdown. How to go back?” Isabelle snaps suddenly.

I am shocked at the abrupt change of her tone. I think I must have said something wrong.

I never ask anything again. Everyone looks despondent and it seems like the people here are going through a difficult time.

I sit upright and rooted, watching Isabelle and Andrew Zach gulping down the green curry chicken. I never eat the chicken.

#

“Mr Ian, there’s a new girl in our class,” Isabelle chirps.

Andrew Zach sneers at my direction. “And she is weird.”

Someone comes into the classroom. A middle-aged man with spectacles. He stands in front of the students, his face oily, his hair tousled, and his clothes smudged.

What on earth is happening to the people in this school? Dirty-looking, eating rubbish, and speaking alien language.

Am I dreaming, still? Why on earth people want to behave this way? I must be dreaming.

“Are you a nyonya?” the man looks at me with utter surprise.

I can’t decipher what he says but he mentions the word ‘nyonya’, which is quite similar to the Dutch word ‘nona’ in describing people like me who looks foreign in Melaka.

I smile weakly at him and quickly avoid his gaze. I think he must be a teacher of this class.

“Is she a new student? Where does she come from?” the man asks around his students.

“Mr Ian, we found her when we came back from the lab. We have no idea where she comes from but we think that she is not a local. She can’t speak English at all. She can only speak Malay!” Isabelle explains. “And her name is Annabelle.”

“Annabelle the doll,”

“Shut up, Andrew. Stop being so mean!” Isabelle retorts.

“She can speak Malay? Then why don’t you all speak to her and find out where she comes from?” The teacher looks displeased.

“Well… My Malay is not good,” Isabelle says.

“All of us are bad at Malay. We just take it because we have to!” Andrew Zach adds while spinning a basketball.

I can sense that the teacher seems to be very fascinated of my presence. I can see from the corner of my eyes that his eyes are darting up and down at me. I tug the opening of my brown baju panjang to the right.

“Annabelle, you datang dari mana?” the teacher asks genteelly.

This man can speak Malay! I turn and look at him. I can’t hide my excitement.

“Gua datang dari Melaka! Boleh encik hantar gua balik rumah?” I gabble.

“Kenapa you kat sini?”

“Gua tak tau. Bila gua bangun, gua dah ada kat sini,”

The teacher looks baffled for a second. “Takpe, esok dah boleh balik rumah.”

Clearing his throat, the teacher turns to everyone. “After 60 days of lockdown, the government has managed to weather the Covid-19 situation. I am here to inform you that we can all go back tomorrow. And the school is going to shut down for the entire year so that everyone can take this time to stay at home, have a good rest and reconnect with their family. Today shall be the last day for us to be here.”

A deafening cheer erupts. The girls hug each other while some cover their faces and wail loudly. I am not sure why they cry but it seems like the class has won a victory as all the girls quickly gather and form a big circle around each other. The men look calm but I notice that they aren’t looking so depressed anymore. Andrew Zach smiles to himself and he turns to his friends when he sees me looking at him.

“Mr Ian, how are we going to send Annabelle home? She will have no place to stay since the school is going to close.” Isabelle asks.

“No worries, we can book a bus ticket for her now since we now know where she comes from.” Mr Ian says.

“Good idea!” Isabelle trills. “But she doesn’t know how to speak English. What if she is stranded in the bus station?”

“Hmm…” Mr Ian thinks for a moment.

I have no idea what’s going on. I just heard my name being read, and the man, Isabelle, Andrew Zach, and some other students are all looking at me.

“That’s easy. We can just pre-arrange a Grab driver for her upon her arrival to the bus station. We just inform the driver how she looks like and what time the bus will arrive. I am sure the driver will know who to pick up because she is the only one who dresses like an ancient person. Probably comes from the grave since her name is also Annabelle.”

Andrew Zach bursts out laughing suddenly and Isabelle rolls her eyes again. I don’t know what’s happening but the environment is jovial. I am convinced that something good must have happened.

Mr Ian looks pleased with what Andrew Zach has said. “That’s a good one. Let’s ask for her address and we can settle everything now!”

“Annabelle, esok dah boleh balik rumah. Kami akan hantar you balik. Boleh tolong bagi alamat you?” the man asks me.

“Gua tinggal kat 133, Jalan Gelanggang,”

“Okay, tunggu jap,”

The man opens a box and starts typing. The box emits light and Isabelle is looking at her teacher’s actions.

“Done!” the man exclaims. “I will send her to the bus station tomorrow. The bus will depart from Kuala Lumpur at 9a.m. and I have booked her a Grab driver in Melaka. I have also told the Grab driver how she looks like – a tan girl in a chignon and a white-and-green school uniform.”

“Our school uniforms?” Isabelle asks.

“She is going to change her attire now. I will get her one from the storeroom. She is going to freak people with this outlook!” The teacher points at me suddenly.

#

Isabelle brings me to a room with a huge mirror. There are five doors standing next to each other. I notice that there is a white vase in each of the room.

“Do you want to pee?” Isabelle asks. “Wait, I forgot you don’t know English. Nak kencing?”

I am bemused with what Isabelle says. “Kencing? Sini?”

Isabelle looks at me and frowns once again. “Yeah… sini.”

“Kat sini?” I point at the white vase.

Isabelle seems to be appalled by what I ask. She nods at me with much confusion as I do.

“And tukar baju you kepada ni,” she points at the school uniforms that she holds.

“Kenapa?” I put my hand across my kerosang.

“Cikgu kata you pakai macam ni nanti semua orang tengok. Dia kata you pakai baju ni dan esok you boleh balik rumah terus.”

Desperately wanting to go home – or hoping this dream to come to a halt as I wish it to, I quickly undo my three kerosang and pass them to Isabelle. I take off my baju panjang, later my baju kechik, and Isabelle turns her back hastily.

“Why are you not wearing bra?” Isabelle calls out. She passes the uniform to me on her left hand without looking at me.

I don’t understand what she says. My sarong drops when I unfasten my silver belt. I take the clothes from her and put on the clothes that I loathe.

I look at the mirror in front of me. Such an ugly and distasteful concoction – a white-and-green short sleeve and short skirt attire paired with my sanggol tiga batang and kasut seret. I feel like killing myself before Mother does.

I am no longer a nona.

#

I sit in a moving vehicle and the man drops me at a crowded and smelly place. I use my batik handkerchief to cover my nose from the nauseating black smoke coming out from the many moving vehicles.

“I bagi you ni. You bagi I sapu tangan you,” the man points at my handkerchief while giving out a small bag of white paper. It seems like he wants to exchange things with me.

Wanting to end this dream, I pass him my handkerchief in exchange for the white paper.

He points at my chignon this time. I can tell that he wants my three gold hairpins.

I shake my head. No nona will ever let their hair down in the public and I refuse to give him my hairpins.

The people around start noticing us. I start to believe that my outlook attracts unwanted attention. I want to cry.

I pull out my three hairpins and throw them at him. My long hair uncurls as people watch our – or my – ungodly affairs.

He looks satisfied with what he gets and I stand there repressing my urge to cry, waiting for his next instruction.

“Naik bas tu. You akan sampai rumah. Jangan khuatir.”

I look at where he points. It is a blue vehicle. I point at the vehicle and look at him again and he nods his head.

I scuttle to the blue vehicle in my kasut seret. This is the only belonging that I never exchange with the man. My precious gold hairpins, kerosang and silver belt are now gone, to a man that doesn’t even need these items.

The blue vehicle moves. I heave a sigh of relief. I believe I am going to wake up in the Chan’s household again. I weep silently until I drift off to sleep.

#

“Mr Ian is dead!” Isabelle screamed.

“What the fuck? Since when?” Andrew Zach was taken aback at what Isabelle said and everyone was aghast at what they heard.

“I heard from other teachers that he died of sudden cardiac death on the last day of school.”

“On the last day of school? What did he do?” someone chimed in.

Another student spoke. “I don’t know. I saw him leaving the school with Annabelle.”

“Oh yes! That mindless girl. Any way we can contact her? Maybe she notices what happens prior to Mr Ian’s death.” Andrew Zach suggested.

“I remember where she stays!”

Isabelle took out her laptop and started typing away.

“133, Jalan Gelanggang.” Isabelle murmured to herself. “Here we are! A temple?”

“How can she live in a temple? I am sure she is not a nun!” Andrew Zach tried to deduce things with rationale.

“But here’s the location from the internet. And there’s a phone number too. Let’s just call and find out. If it is wrong, then at least we don’t make assumptions anymore.”

Isabelle called the number. Andrew Zach snatched the phone and put the conversation on speaker. The ringing continued until someone picked up their call.

“Hello,” a breathy voice answered.

“Hello. We are calling to look for Annabelle. Is she here?” Isabelle asked.

“Annabelle? Who are you?” the man sounded stunned when he heard the name.

“Yes, Annabelle Chan. She came to our school for a day last year. Is she here?”

“That’s impossible. The little girl had passed away more than 200 years ago.”

“WHAT?” everyone bellowed in mystification.

“How sure are you, uncle? How come you know things that happened 200 years ago?” Andrew Zach confronted the man.

“Of course, I am very sure. I am the keeper of this temple. The lady whom you mentioned is the daughter of this temple’s founder. Their tablets are venerated here.”

Sense of creepiness swept through the students. Isabelle trembled upon hearing what the man said. However, she plucked up her final courage to ask the uncle one more question.

“Do you know how did she die?” Her voice quavered. She couldn’t process all the things that had happened.

“According to the previous keeper here, Annabelle Chan committed suicide not long after she got married to a Baba household in Kuala Lumpur. It was said that she didn’t want to stay at home and so she took lots of sleeping pills and killed herself. Some people saw from the newspaper that her name is in one of the many graves exhumed to make way for a school. I am not so sure about this because her plaque is placed here. Aiya, there are so many nyonya ghost stories nowadays. Some even said those who owned vintage nyonya costumes and jewellery are cursed because nyonya adored their costumes and accessories much. You young fellas are reading too much ghost stories. Bye! Stop fooling around. I am very busy.”

The students looked at each other in silence. Isabelle’s legs went limp suddenly and passed out on the carpeted floor – at the same location where they first found Annabelle.

*

Peter Soh is an ambitious Malaysian writer whose stories are about darkness, pain, struggles, identity searching and what it means to be a human being. He made his publishing debut with his short story, ‘The Missing Tomb’ in the ‘Emerging Malaysian Writers 2018’ anthology and has unknowingly written six features about the baba nyonya in Penang Monthly. He is currently teaching First Language English and Sociology in Kingsley International School.

#nyonya annabelle #peter soh #peranakan #short story #malaysian fiction #malaysian literature