#rwby: shitpost

[toodrunktofindaurl]

they are so unserious

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#RWBY spoilers #RWBY #bumbleby #anyway hello i'm just dropping this shitpost #i'll scream about this episode on here another day #maryneart

[saturnsnight]

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby shitpost #rwby volume 9 #rwby volume 9 spoilers #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xaio long #bumblby #nuts and dolts #blake belladonna #bumbleby #shitpost

[notmaplemable]

RWBY: *Watching a movie together*

Jaune: *Walks in* Hey girls, what's- Is that The Pink Castle?

Ruby: Yeah, it's one of my favorite movies.

Jaune: That's good to hear, but you know, I was actually in this movie.

RWBY: ...

Ruby: What?

Weiss: Your name clearly isn't in the credits.

Jaune: Oh that's because I went by a stage name, John Dark.

Jaune: I was actually in a ton of movies growing up.

Jaune: I played the blacksmith's son in this one.

Ruby: *Definitely had a crush on that character growing up* ...

Jaune: I was the young lord William Redwood in The Princes of Avenlon.

Weiss: *Had more than a few dreams about marrying that particular character* Oh my word...

Jaune: I played Eurig Ritter in the Knight And The Ninja.

Blake: *Wrote an absurd amount of self insert fan fiction with that character* Hmm...

Jaune: I even did a little voice acting, I was Yun the strong in Bat-

Yang: *Fangirl squeal*

RWBJ: ...

Yang: Sorry, I had a moment there. Please, continue.

Jaune: Okay... So yeah, I was in a lot of movies growing up.

#rwby #rwby shitpost #pollinated knight #jaune arc #ruby rose #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #lancaster #whiteknight #knightshade #dragonslayer

[ludibriadormonoteista]

Lie Detector

Nora: Hey guys! Guess what I just found in the dumpster! *Slams Device on the Center Table* IT’S A LIE DETECTOR!

Ruby: Wow, really?!

Jaune: Does it still work?

Weiss: *Scoffs* As if. It was obviously thrown out for a reason.

Nora: Oh, is that so? How about we play a little game to test it out?

Ren: Maybe we shouldn’t-

Weiss: HMPH! I humbly accept your challenge. Do your worst, Valkyrie.

Nora: It’s on, then! First question: Have you ever spied on Jaune while he was hitting the showers?

Jaune: HUH?!

Weiss: Wha- What kind of question is that?! Of course not!

BZZZZZT!

Blake: So it does work.

Yang: HAH! Off to a great start, Ice-Queen.

Weiss: T-That doesn’t mean anything! Never in my life have I-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: Fine, I admit it! I accidentally had the displeasure of peeking on Arc ONCE!

BZZZZZT!

Blake: Just once?

Weiss: Okay! I might have run into him a few more times-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: A couple more-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: A dozen-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: Dozens-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: I did it close to a hundred times! AT BEST!

BZZZZZT!

Jaune: *shook*

Ruby: Why does it keep getting worse?

Weiss: ALRIGHT, I CONFESS! I PEEP ON HIM EVERY TIME HE’S IN THE SHOWERS!

BZZZZZT!

Pyrrha: You too? Eh-! I mean-! What?!

Weiss: OKAY, YOU GOT ME! I LIKE TO GO THERE WHENEVER HE’S NOT TAKING A SHOWER JUST TO IMAGINE HIM TAKING ONE! BUT ONLY SOMETIMES!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: AGH, SCREW IT! I DO IT EVERYDAY! IT’S ALL PART OF MY MORNING ROUTINE!

BZZZZZT!

Ren: I think we heard enough-

Weiss: FINE, IT’S ALSO PART OF MY NIGHTTIME ROUTINE!

BZZZZZT!

Yang: Geesh, you’d think someone would've taken a picture.

Weiss: I WOULD NEVER-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: I HAVE 735 PHOTOS KEPT DIGITALLY STORED IN MY-!

BZZZZZT!

Weiss: ALL THE PHOTOS ARE IN FILM AND I PAY A GENEROUS SUM TO VELVET EVERY MONTH SO I CAN REVEAL THE PICTURES IN HER SECRET DARK-ROOM BECAUSE I FIND IT ESTHETICALLY MORE PLEASING! THERE! HAPPY?!

…

Nora: Looks like you’re telling the truth. Good job, Weiss! How do you feel?

*THUD*

Nora: …Alright, who’s next?

#rwby #rwby shitpost #weiss schnee #jaune arc #whiteknight #weiss x jaune #jaune x weiss #nora valkyrie #ruby rose #lie ren #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #pyrrha nikos #This was definitely not plagiarized from youtube shorts- BZZZZZT!

[juanarc-thethird]

I have a license for that!

It's early in the morning, Jaune is still lying in his bed. It's so comfortable that he doesn't want to leave. He then moves a little and hugs something soft and warm. Everything was going well until what he was something grabbing his butt.

Jaune: What the fuck?!

He jumps out of bed

Ruby: Why did you leave? We were so warm snuggled together.

She says as she comes out from under the sheets

Jaune: Ruby?! What are you doing in my bed?!

Ruby: Well, I'm enjoying my member benefits.

Jaune: *Confuse* Your what?

Ruby: My membership.

She says as she pulls out an ID card in front of him.

Jaune: Give me that.

He takes it from her hands and looks at it.

Jaune: What the hell is this? Is it a joke? Wait a minute… MY MOM APPROVED THIS?!!

Ruby: Yep, and let me tell you, getting in was difficult.

Jaune: You member number 29?! How many members are there?!

Ruby: I don't know, your mom is the one who keeps track.

She shrugs her shoulders

Jaune: *Angry* GOD DAMN IT MOM!!!!

Meanwhile

Mama Arc: Aaa-Chu! *sniff* Someone is talking about me.

Saphron: Maybe it was Jaune… talking about your club… you know, the club you made to get more grand babies!

Mama Arc: Nah, I do not think so.

#jaune arc #jaune #rwby jaune arc #rwby jaune #rwby ruby #ruby rose #ruby #rwby ruby rose #rwby saphron #saphron cotta arc #rwby saphron cotta arc #saphron #rwby mama arc #mama arc #rwby #rwby shitpost

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Jaune: *Wearing a turtleneck*Good morning Mom!

Mama Arc: Who left hickeys on your neck?

Jaune: I don't know what you mean.

Mama Arc: *Pulls the turtle neck down, revealing many, many hickeys* Really? You Don't know what I mean?

Jaune: *Sweating* ...

Mama Arc: ... Is that Lipstick?

Jaune: WOW! LOOK AT THE TIME I HAVE TO GO-

*RRRRIIIIIIIPPPPP*

Mama Arc: ...

Jaune: *Covered in Red, Ice Blue, Purple, Yellow, Bronze, Pink, and Green lipstick marks* ...

Ruby: Good Morning!

Weiss: Good Morning Missus Arc!

Blake: Good Morning.

Yang: Morning!

Pyrrha: Hello~ Good morning~

Nora: WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAC-EY!

Ren: *Nods*

#rwby #jaune arc #mama arc #ruby rose #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #rwby shitpost #blake belladonna #pyrrha nikos #nora valkyrie #lie ren #lancaster #whiteknight #knightshade #dragonslayer #arkos #nora's arc #martial arcs #jaune harem

[brokentrafficknight]

#rwby #rwby shitpost #jaune arc #ruby rose #yang xiao long #rwby dragonslayer #lancaster #sunlit knight

[littlelewdmable]

Locker Room

Ruby: W-Why do we have to have co-ed locker rooms?

Weiss: It is a rather odd design choice.

Blake: Do you think you're always going to have privacy in the field?

Yang: No, but it's easier to wash when people aren't-

Jaune: *Walks through naked* Nora, did you steal my towel again?

Nora: It's so fluffy~.

Jaune: Well give it back!

RWBY: ...

Ruby: Maybe it won't be so bad.

Weiss: The design seems to have it's advantages.

Blake: I've seen horse faunus less hung than that.

Yang: Guess I'll be the one doing the staring this time.

#rwby #rwby shitpost #rwby smut #pollinated knight #lancaster #whiteknight #knightshade #dragonslayer #jaune arc #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #nora valkyrie

[iamafanofcartoons]

The hiatus is upon us. This was less than 24 hours after the RWBY Season 9 finale.

#rwby #summer rwby #rwby summer rose #summer rose #raven branwen #rwby raven #rwby rosebird #rosebird #rwby shitpost #rwby fndm #rwby fandom #summer x raven #iamafanofcartoons

[infoglitch]

JAUNE IS A WHORE. Pt 3

Jaune found himself sitting in front of one Blake belladonna as she looked at him as he was covered ina variety of colored lipstick.

Blake: jaune... I'm not going to be subtle.

Jaune: I-i would expect nothing less blake.

Blake: not only did you sleep with yang.. but now also ILIA?!

Jaune: look Blake I'm sorry about yang, i know you wanted to be her first but she's punsex-

Blake: oh I'm not mad about that. I'm just really confused on why you slept with my best friend. And more importantly HOW?

Jaune: well we were just talking and we got to the topic of people who we knew we had no chance in hell with, and then well.. things kinda just escalated.

Blake: ok.. so you DIDN'T force yourself onto her?

Jaune: nope full consent and everything.

Blake: ok.. that softens the blow... Now. Did you like it?

Jaune: what?

Blake: did you LIKE IT? Or was it just a fling to add her to your collection of women you fucked.

Jaune: I mean.. yes.

Blake: jaune... Your a whore... A likeable one.. but still a WHORE.

#rwby #jaune arc #blake belladonna #jaune is a WHORE. #rwby shitpost #Jaune x Ilia

[madmanwonder]

Silent Knight Dating Perks

#my post #rwby #rwby shitpost #rwby neo #neopolitan #neo politan #jaune arc #rwby silent knight #silent knight #shipping post #shipping shitpost

[redheartedtramp]

RWBY: Where everything is the same except with 1 small change...

Bake: Wait, Xiao Long? As in 'Taiyang Xiao Long'?

Yang: Yup, there's our old man!

Blake: So, you're mother is Summer Rose?!

Yang: Not...not quite.

Ruby: See, Summer is technically my Mama...well, both of our Mama, but she's the one who gave birth to me.

Weiss: Wait, so who is Yang's.

Ruby: Dad's first wife~

Yang: Ruby, shut up!

Blake: I'm confused...who is your mom, Yang?

Ruby: Oh, you'll see soon enough.

Yang: Ruby, I said-

A portal then opens up in Team RWBY's room.

Yang: Oh no...

Raven Branwen then jumps out of the portal.

Raven: Hi, sweeties! How is your first day of Beacon Going? Are you okay? Are you eating well? Yang, stop slouching.

Yang: MOM! I'm not Slouching!

Raven: Yes you are! You're gonna become a shrimp sitting like that!

Ruby: Hi Mom.

Raven: Ruby! *ruffles her hair* I heard you were made Team Leader. I'm so proud of you! I can't believe you got into Beacon early!

Blake: ...Are...are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Weiss: Raven Branwen, one of Beacon's top students and one of the deadliest women alive, just teleported into our room and is apparently Yang's birth mother and her and Ruby call her 'Mom'.

Blake: Yeah, okay, just making sure I haven't hit my head.

#Mom!Raven AU #Raven Branwen #RWBY #RWBY Shitpost #Ruby Rose #Yang Xiao Long #Weiss Schnee #Blake Belladonna

[notmaplemable]

Jaune: Okay, which one of you did it?

Ruby: Did what?

Jaune: Put a paper called "Jaune's to-do list" on the school notice board?

Yang: Wasn't any of us.

Blake: What exactly is the problem there?

Jaune: The problem is that most of the girls at this school wrote their name on the list.

Jaune: Including all of you!

Weiss: Then you better get to work if you plan on finishing any time soon.

#rwby #rwby shitpost #pollinated knight #lancaster #white knight #knightshade #dragonslayer #jaune arc #ruby rose #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #blake belladonna

[ludibriadormonoteista]

BEFORE and AFTER II

Part 1 here.

Before:

Jaune: *Yawn* Man. This Vytal Tournament sure got me tired. I hope my Team doesn’t mind me taking a nap this early in the-

*SCHWING*

Jaune: *With a Saber Pointed to his Face* …Noon.

Winter: Mr. Arc, I presume.

Jaune: T-That’d be me! Wait, were you just waiting for me by the dorms?

Winter: That’s classified. *Sheats Saber* Winter Schnee. Atlas Specialist. I have come to discuss matters pertinent to you regarding my sister.

Jaune: You’re Weiss’ sister?! Uh-! I mean-! We’re good friends! Yeah! Though I guess you could say we started off on the wrong foot…

Winter: Quite the laughable understatement, Mr. Arc. For you see, Weiss has detailed in her letters many instances where you publicly harassed her with your feeble attempts at courting her.

Jaune: Hey, I wasn’t harassing her-

Winter: In case you were not aware, Weiss is a very prominent figure in Atlas, and as such, receives multiple solicitations from wealthy suitors on a daily basis. Men with far more ambition and talent than you could ever hope to achieve in your life.

Jaune: Now, wait a minute. Just because I’m not rich, that doesn’t mean I’m not up to snuff.

Winter: Is that so? *Raises a Folder* Because this extensive background check I have on you says otherwise.

Jaune: Extensive what now?

Winter: *Reading* Lack of proper education. Zero prior experience in the field. And absolutely no training to speak of. The best I could find were your admission transcripts, which were all filled out using crayons for whatever reason.

Jaune: I had run out of ink, okay?!

Winter: SILENCE! If the circumstances were any different, I would have you placed under arrest and locked up in the remotest cell in all of Solitas! However, doing so now would violate the Vytal Treaty amongst the Kingdoms. So instead, I will advise you to recognize my authority next time you elect to threaten the sanctity of my dear little sister again. Verstehst?!

Jaune: Y-Yeah- I-I versteht(?) that, alright!

Winter: Splendid. I will be watching the tournament for the remaining of its duration. It would do you well to know your place in the meantime. That will be all. *Marches Away*

Jaune: T-Thanks, have a great day! Hahah... *Nearly Faints* Oh dear…

After:

Yang: Alright, VB! You’ve got nowhere to run!

Jaune: Knock it off, Yang! You’ve been chasing after me all morning! Can we please talk about this?!

Yang: Nuh-uh~ Ruby’s biological clock is ticking, and I’ll be damned if I let the Rose Bloodline end here!

Jaune: Don’t you think this is moving things between me and Ruby a little too fast? Can’t we at least settle for a date first?

Yang: Oh, I’ll arrange you a date, alright… WITH HER WOMB-! *Encased in a Block of Ice*

Jaune: …What just happened?

Winter: *Descending with her Maiden Powers* That should hold her for a while. Imagine my surprise it was just you two causing a ruckus around Vacuo. For a moment I thought Salem had arrived.

Jaune: Oh thank goodness! It’s you, Winter. Sorry for all the trouble, Yang and I had a disagreement and-

Winter: Never mind all that. I was actually meaning to talk to you privately about something.

Jaune: Really? Is it a mission?

Winter: In a manner of speaking, yes. Ever since you and your friends came back, I have been worried about Weiss’ sake. To think I once thought to have forever lost my sister to that blasted abyss…

Jaune: …Winter?

Winter: *Harrumphs* Alas. I have been thinking about your actions back at that bridge. You fought tooth and nail to protect Weiss despite your shortcomings. Believe me when I say you have shown yourself worthy of my sister’s hand and affection.

Jaune: Oh… Wow! Thanks, that’s a… That’s a lot to take in. I’ll be sure to think about it.

Winter: What is there to think about?

Jaune: …I’m sorry?

Winter: You misunderstand, Mr. Arc. I am not merely granting you my blessing to date Weiss. My sister deserves the best, and as your commanding officer, I demand that you provide the best for her.

Jaune: Uh…

Winter: FURTHERMORE! You are to, effective immediately, seek to copulate with my sister for the betterment of the Schnee Bloodline!

Jaune: EH?!

Frozen!Yang: !!!

Winter: With your Aura and Semblances combined, your firstborn will become a key component to winning this war, as well as generating the perfect heir to uphold both our families’ legacy! Of course, I do not plan on holding it against you in the events Weiss explicitly decides to have more children-

Jaune: Okay, STOP! Full stop! Demanding that I hook up with Weiss is already one thing! But you cannot in good conscience order me to sleep with her! She’s your sister, for crying out loud!

Winter: Exactly! She is my sister, and I intend on getting her the perfect husband! I was foolish to dismiss you before, but not anymore! Now come with me!

Jaune: H-Hey! Just hear me out for a second! What I’m trying to say is-

Winter: THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH! I will ask you one last time to not make this more difficult than it has any right to be! You can come along willingly, or I can drag you out by force! EITHER WAY, YOU WILL BE IN MY SISTER’S ARMS SOON ENOUGH!

Jaune: Y-You’re not serious, are you?

Winter: *Saber in Hands, Winter Maiden Powers in Full Effect* I WILL NOT BE DENIED OF MY FUTURE NIECES AND NEPHEWS!

Jaune: …I should get back to running.

#rwby #rwby shitpost #jaune arc #winter schnee #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #ruby rose #lancaster #ruby x jaune #jaune x ruby #whiteknight #weiss x jaune #jaune x weiss #yangposting

[juanarc-thethird]

The art of seduction.

Jaune: Yang, look.

Yang: Hm?

Jaune: *he takes out a hose* Hose...

Yang: ?

Jaune: *He puts a small mariachi hat on the hose* José :D

Yang:...

Jaune: *Nervous* You... You didn't like it?

Yang: I'm going to fuck you so hard.

#Jaune arc #jaune #rwby jaune arc #rwby jaune #rwby yang xiao long #yang #yang xiao long #rwby yang #rwby jaune x yang #jaune x yang #rwby jaune arc x yang xiao long #jaune arc x yang xiao long #rwby #rwby shitpost #rwby dragonslayer

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Jaune: Okay, Pick up your knives.

Weiss and Pyrrha: *pick up their knives*

Jaune: Now hold your onions with, like, a dino claw so your finger tips are out of the way of the blade.

W+P: *Hold the onions*

Jaune: *Ducking behind his shield in full bomb sqaud gear* NOw Cut the onions in half.

*SCHICK* *THOCK*

Jaune: ... NOthing Blew Up?

Pyrrha: N-No?

Weiss: No ... Nothings blown up ...

Jaune: I ... Almost can't believe it! By the Gods! You two did something in the kitchen without total Destruction!

Pyrrha: ... YEp!

Weiss: ... Indeed.

Jaune: You cut the cutting boards in half, huh?

Pyrrha: *Hide face in hands*

Weiss: *Turns away*

Jaune: Well ... It's a start?

#rwby #jaune arc #weiss schnee #pyrrha nikos #rwby shitpost #armoured angel #whiteknight #arkos