#so okay definitely not gyms cause people there and it feels lonely to just run in the street alone but what

[helenawa-art]

Will I be getting too excited if I say my summer goal is to dance at least an hour a day? 😔✌️ Only time will say

#bc is funnn and i hate sports but i wanna do something this summer because if i stay at home doing nothing all day im gonna rot #so okay definitely not gyms cause people there and it feels lonely to just run in the street alone but what #what if i just dance in my home with a fan so i don't suffocate i can even make my own playlists and all 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 #i did it today now im all gross but it was fun tbh

[amimimi]

Hi it's actually my first time requesting 💀 can you do like the reader is a volleyball player from a different school who came to their school to compete and is hella intimidating cause they're really quiet and doesn't really smile that often and their team won. Maybe do yamaguchi, tsuki, tendou, bokuto and suna?

I'm sorry if it's messy i get nervous cause it's my first time requesting 😭✋

hey angel! thank you for sending this in!! And don’t worry, this wasn’t messy at all!

also, i didn’t know if you meant reader’s team played the guys’ teams so i’m sorry if i misunderstood!

the strong, silent type; yamaguchi, tsukishima, tendou, bokuto, suna

synopsis: in which you somehow manage to catch a certain someone’s attention without having to say a word (well, barely a word)

pairings: yamaguchi x reader, tsukishima x reader, tendou x reader, bokuto x reader, suna x reader

warnings: swearing

notes: this is my first haikyuu request!!

YAMAGUCHI

baby boy is intrigued to say the least

he’s also, you know, very intimidated

karasuno is hosting volleyball camp for the weekend so a few of schools from the area come over

karasuno lost a match so they go do a lap up the hill and back down

yamaguchi shakily walks back into the gym, panting and sweating profusely from the run

two other teams are playing so he decided to watch and catch his breath

it’s getting pretty intense until your team’s setter sets the ball for you

you run up and leap in the air, your brows furrowed with determination and tongue sticking slightly out, and you spike ball, slamming it to the opponents ground

and it’s slams so fucking loud

yamaguchi mouth drops, impressed by your raw power

by then tsukishima has joined him, standing alongside yamaguchi

“sheesh” tsukishima mutters at how hard you struck the ball

meanwhile, yamaguchi’s jaw is still on the floor as he watches you with sparkles in his eyes

your teammates erupt in cheer while you’re just like 😐👍

yamaguchi tells tsukishima that they should congratulate your team (he’s talking about you mostly)

and tsuki is like “okay have fun doing that!”

and yamaguchi is like “w-wait! please go with me? they’re scary 🥺”

and tsukishima is like “this is so stupid...” but he ends up going with yamaguchi nskdicnwiwjs

you’re drinking from your water bottle when you feel a slight tap on your shoulder

you whirl around to see tsukishima and yamaguchi LITERALLY standing like—

⠀ ⠀ ⠀(\__/)

(•ㅅ•)

　＿ノ ヽ ノ＼＿

`/　`/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ　ヽ

( 　(三ヽ人　 /　　 |

|　ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ　 ノ

ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／

　　 ｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/)

　　 /ﾐ`ー―彡\(•ㅅ•)

　　/ ╰ ╯ \/ \>

yamaguchi pipes up from where he stands, slightly behind tsukishima

“that last spike you did was really cool!” he squeaks, mentally slapping himself for how he voice cracked on “cool”

you blink in surprise before you gently smile

and yamaguchi, in his head of course, is like “HOLY SH*T THEY SMILED??!&)&8:9:”

“thank you” you reply, “i don’t think you told me your name”

TSUKISHIMA

when i tell you this man is not FAZEDDDDD

like he does not give a shit how intimidating you are

he notices that you’re a great volleyball player and that you’re a great coordinator

but that’s where it ends

he’s not intrigued enough/doesn’t care about the motivations of other people

you both walk up to the lil fountain outside the gym to refill your water bottle at the same time

you both sorta halt, before tsukishima motions for you to go first

you nod and thank him quietly, moving to refill your water bottle

tsuki feels his eyebrows furrow when a loud yell suddenly splits the silence, already recognizing who that might be

he turns around and of course, it’s hinata yelping and dodging kageyama’s blows, while the latter yells profanities at hinata

tsukishima sees that you’ve turned around too, trying to see what was going on

“what a couple of morons...” tsukishima mutters to you

you blink at tsukishima, straight faced as ever, before saying, “you shouldn’t bad mouth your team mates”

MY BOY SIEZES UP SO F*CKIN QUICK DUCHDKDJD

he thought since you were quiet and serious looking, that you kinda hated everyone/were pessimistic

you thought WRONG

he turns back to you with raised eyebrows, a little surprised and slight embarrassed about being scorned

you just smile at him and tsuki is surprised for a second time

“see you inside” you nod politely and before walking past him

get rekt tsukishima

TENDOU

yes, my slightly odd looking yet handsome son

he is NOT intimidated by you—AT ALL (have you seen his bestie? 😭)

in fact, the first time tendou sees you, he watches you for like 17 seconds and is like “oh...oh i’m bout to ANNOY TF OUTTA OF THEM”

i feel like he just wants to single out serious people and f*ck around with them—all in good taste though!

will try and goad you into messing up from across the net

but you’re just like 😐😑😐

switches tactics by trying giving you odd compliments

“y/n, right? i like the curvature of your spine,,,very unique 😌”

or “you have such delicate earlobes, y/n!”

if anything, he’s annoying both his teammates and yours

but he’s not done

starts crooning these lil songs about you, that he’s making up on the spot

he’s still not throwing you off your game but you are glancing over at him with a strange expression on your face

that just encourages him even more

eventually, semi smacks the back of tendou’s neck and gives him the “stfu” look

tendou glances over to see your lips twitching into a smile and he’s just smiles real big and wide at you

BOKUTO

my precious boy

he’d probably see you, standing there off to the side from where your teammates are huddled

and he thinks “omg,,,they’re shy,,,and lonely,,,I HAVE TO HELP THEM!”

but you’re just zoning out or something, completely fine

bokuto is trying to collect introverts like they’re f*ckin pokemon cards

he thinks he’s good with all kinds of people (and he is!) but he thinks he’s especially good with quieter people

after your match, bokuto bounds up to you with akaashi trailing behind (he’s there for damage control mostly)

“hey there!” bokuto smiles and your eyes slightly widen at how his voice booms throughout the whole gym. “your team did amazing out there! i couldn’t believe how coordinated you all are! and the way that you flew? your spikes could use a bit more force but you’re amazing either way—”

you generally feel overwhelmed by hyperactive people, but you’re REALLY feeling it now

especially considering how tired you are after that match and how fast Bokuto is talking

you honestly can’t keep up with what he’s saying to you, his eyes glimmer are glimmering and his whole face is lit up and DAMN you don’t have the heart to interrupt him

so you just nod at him with wide eyes like “yup, mhm, yea, that’s right, of course”

when he finally finished his spiel, you take the opportunity to ask for his name

and you’re like “oh! yeah! you’re one of the top 3 aces in the nation right?”

bokuto’s grin widens even further, but before he can respond, akaashi cuts in with “top 5 actually”

and bokuto whirls around with a look that screams utter betrayal—like B*TCH!!&/8:73?

“that’s really impressive!” you smile and bokuto’s mouth drops because DID YOU JUST MAKE A FACIAL EXPRESSION???

he’s hyping himself up like “aha, didn’t even talk to them for FIVE minutes and i already cracked them 😤”

SUNA

he’s just gonna stare at you

like a creepy ass owl or something

he sees your minding your own business respectfully and he’s like “...this feels insulting”

he thinks that YOU think that you’re some tough ass b*tch

MF, I’M JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS 😭

suna: they’re trying to intimidate us

ojiro: ...they’re just standing there

suna: you think they’re trying to intimidate us?

ojiro: no, i don’t actually—

suna: nah, they’re definitely trying to intimidate us

so suna tries to intimidate YOU—reverse uno that b*tch

will stare at you from across the court with his hands shoved in his shorts like—🧍‍♂️

it honestly is a little unsettling because you just see this tall ass, lanky figure in your peripheral vision and your turn to see this guy STARING AT YOU LIKE—👁‍🗨👄👁‍🗨

he scares your teammates too dkfjdkshs

if you’re team is playing his, he will forcefully block your spikes and then just stare back at you LIKE DAMN, YOU GOOD?

the whole thing lets up, when your teams go to shake hands

you take his hand in yours and give him a firm shake, genuinely smiling

“you play well!” you compliment

“...you do too” he says hesitantly and you nod slightly before letting go of his hand and going to shake Osamu’s

he tells ojiro later that you had a “firm grip” and ojiro’s like “...mhm 😒”

notes: i wanna write more haikyuu (specifically timeskip)! also not me projecting the odd feeling i have for suna where it’s like a cross of “everything about you annoys me” and “damn u kinda hot 🙄”. my love/hate relationship with aquarius men 😌

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyuu headcanons #tsukishima x reader #yamaguchi x reader #bokuto x reader #tendou x reader #suna x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #yamaguchi tadashi x reader #tendou satori x reader #suna rinataro x reader

[skunked-up-kicks]

Omg... same... I don't remember my first reaction to that kevin-andrew staring line, but like for example, it took me a while to get why Nicky warned Neil not to look too much at Kevin. And when people interpret things sexually/romantically in the fandom I'm definitely surprised, like the cigarette pack in Andrew's back pocket turned into staring at his ass etc. I did find stuff like Andrew brushing Neil's back more telling, but I didn't read every moment from a sexual attraction lense u know

I don't know if my last ask made sense but basically same sometimes im like "oh you guys think this line is about attraction. ok. i didn't know that" i feel like i learnt to see the romance/attraction in most of it bc i remember i felt like neil for the longest time -- i didn't see the signs of 'attraction' a lot of the time, though i did see more blatant flirting

lil disclaimer thingy: i understand everyone reads book differently and is coming from different perspectives, and i'm not intending to shame anyone or anything, just wanna talk about my experience reading aftg.

so, if i'm being honest... i do genuinely find it so baffling that people read certain scenes (mainly book 1 scenes) as sexual. like you mentioned the infamous 'neil sussed the twins out by which one had a cigarette packet in their back pocket' scene that people have turned into 'neil was ogling andrew's ass'. which.. neil is a respectful king and would never, okay? i hate when ppl make him into a fucking creep :// but also it's a good example of an early moment in the series that showed how observant and clever neil could be so it also makes me sad that the moment got stripped of that in favour of it being sexual :(

anyway, besides sexual clearly not being how it's intended to be read, it's also weird to me because like... my mind was not at all in the place to be reading scenes as sexual when i first read that scene.

we've just been introduced to neil not that long ago, and he's been presented to us as a traumatized teenager who's been squatting in his highschool's gym locker room, seems to have a nicotine addiction, is really anxious, has seen his mum die, and i'm also pretty sure there's lines about how lonely neil is and about how much he's grieving his mum. not that long before the cigarette-in-back-pocket scene doesn't neil have a moment at the window where he thinks "one of us has to make it mum"??

what i'm very poorly trying to explain is that, at least when i first read the books, i was really attached to neil early on and more importantly i was really protective of him. cause he's a child really... and a very hurt and distressed one at that, who's in a new and clearly unsafe environment. andrew's group is not presented in a good light early on, so i was rightfully suspicious and untrusting of them. how people can be given a character like neil in a situation like that and be playing matchmaker almost immediately is... yeah.

like... my mind wasn't in the place to be going "oooo neil thinks one of them has a nice ass!!🥴🥴"... LIKE? the scenes before certainly aren't set up in a way that's leading you down that train of thought...

it's the same as the scene where neil puts andrew's hand under his shirt, people talked about seeing that as sexual too. but andrew's been raped literally like 2 or 3 pages ago??? when i read those kinds of posts i can't help but think "how is this what's on your guys minds right now??..."

plus, when people say they saw these moments as sexual attraction they are often also implying they were thinking "maybe they'll get together". which is why i mentioned that i didn't trust andrew's group, cause i assumed everyone else felt the same, so i also assumed that like me they wouldn't be thinking of neil possibly getting with any of them... cause if you don't think they're trustworthy... why would you? i just wanted to protect neil from them ngl :') the only other character i liked at the time besides neil was wymack cause he actually showed that he cared about neil's wellbeing.

even that scene where andrew runs his fingers also neil's back, i honestly thought andrew was trying to intimidate neil... cause i didn't fucking like or trust andrew! he had non-con drugged not that long ago and i was still pissed at him and his group at the time. plus, andrew had used touching neil as a way to try and intimidate him before that so. even if i had picked up on the fact that andrew was attracted to neil from that during my first read, i wouldn't have thought they'd be getting together, or even wanted them too lol.

also because, aside from what i've said, there was also the fact neil told us he didn't swing... some scenes happened before that but most that people talk about happened after. if i'm reading a book and i'm having moments where i'm thinking maybe someone is attracted to the main character it's because i assume something might actually happen!

but i believed neil was aro/ace and so i wasn't looking for moments of neil being attracted to people, or moments of others being attracted to him. i never really bothered trying to read between the lines, it never even crossed my mind for so long... cause i had already set my mind on "neil won't end up with anyone". i only remembering it occurring to me at the "doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" scene.

and honestly, when that happened i remember thinking something like "andrew's gonna end up getting rejected". idk? i never doubted neil was aspec, i started off thinking he was aro/ace like i said but i never went "oh he's gay", i just went "oh so he's not aro/ace but he's somewhere on the spectrum of being asexual".

and also tbh... i liked that neil never thought of things sexually. it was nice :'( and seeing his own thoughts and actions getting interpreted in that way, especially after we should have been under the assumption he wasn't interested in things like that... it rubs me the wrong way.

(i know aro/ace ppl can have relationships and/or have sex, but the way neil presented his sexuality and acted when hit on. to me, it made it seem like he was completely uninterested in either)

i can understand going back through the book after reading for the first time and being like "oh andrew's actions or words here might have been partially motivated by his attraction to neil at the time!", but through the first read? and for neil?? it's weird to me...

this is quite long so sorry bout that lol, i think i'll leave it here. it's nice to see someone else feel a similar way anyway ;^;

again, i don't think it's wrong if people read it differently. it just confuses me cause it's so different from my experience reading it and what i would expect it to be like for others

#ask

[jinkicake]

A Little Bit of Love, My Love Non-Stop!

You’re the well-known girl's volleyball captain and everyone adores you, secretly wanting you all to themselves. Too bad Ushijima beat them to it, but nobody knows that just yet.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader 

For anon~~ I hope you like it!! I love Ushijima, I really do. I feel like because there are so many different ways to write him he never gets boring. My love is for you Ushijima! 

There is smut. 

WC- 3,676

~~~

“(Y/N) do you want to go grab something to eat?” Your vice-captain calls over her shoulder as the two of you change in the locker rooms after practice.

“Ah, I can’t I have to finish an assignment.” You zip up the sides of your skirt before sending her a sympathetic smile.

“Come on, those two college boys from earlier want to hang out.” She presses and you simply shake your head. “Are you working on calculus?” She asks and you dart your eyes to stare at your shoes, biting your lip to think of a response. 

You are almost certain she can tell you’re lying.

“No, it’s that literature assignment. I’m already so behind on it!” Your mind blanks as you lie straight through your teeth but your friend nods her head in understanding, she won’t say anymore. You sigh in relief and throw your bag over your shoulder. “I have to stop by the other gym to see if they have more braces in case we need some for the game tomorrow, so I’ll see you later okay?” You wave goodbye and she sends you a smile, then you’re out the door.

It’s almost become a routine, after practice every Thursday you make your way to the other gym. It’s always late and the gym is practically empty, except for one lone player.

The sounds of a volleyball smacking into the floor grow louder with each step you take. You bunch your sweater in your hands when a small breeze brushes past your bare legs. Once you finally reach the open door you notice the only player still left in the gym.

Ushijima glances at you briefly before continuing to work on his serves and you take this time to closely watch how his body moves. You can’t look away. Your eyes follow his exposed thighs and your legs clench together every time his flex. Were his short always so short? They leave nothing to imagine and look like they’re going to rip at the seams, your mouth begins to grow dry.

You try to clear your thoughts and walk towards the bleachers, scrolling on your phone as you wait patiently for him to finish his individual practice. Another toss is thrown up in the air and he arches into the spike, black shirt rising and exposing the smooth abdomen underneath showing years of hard work. His chest heaves with each breath he takes and he rests his hands on his thighs after the consecutive spikes. This causes his shorts to inch up even higher. You feel like you’re on fire, a fire only he can put out.

Your favorite part of this routine is when Ushijima walks back to the locker rooms, which you always follow him, and where he then will beautifully rearrange your guts.

Truthfully you’re not sure how this happened, how you managed to get Ushijima on top of, slash underneath, you at least once a week for the past three months. You guys never talked much before, there was a mutual captain’s respect between the two of you but other than that he didn’t have much to say. Not like you have much to say either, you guys don’t ever talk unless you count screaming out his name or cursing in pleasure.

However the more you involve yourself with Ushijima the less you understand why everyone likes him. To put it plainly, he’s a volleyball player and nothing more. At least that's what you thought before you started watching him. Subconsciously staring at him in the halls or when you pass by his classroom, you even found yourself going to his games.

You like Ushijiima, have a big fat crush on him and there is nothing you can do about it.

It does make you feel better knowing that you make him as weak as he makes you. When his head rests on the top of yours and his breaths become staggered as he pounds into you against the lockers, you feel like the most powerful girl in the world.

- - -

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)! I’m so excited for your game tonight, I’m looking forward to it!” A bright first year jumps in front of you and you have to refrain from flinching at the suddenness.

“Oh really? I’m glad you’ll be there.” You smile sweetly at him and his entire face tints red, his friend’s looking shocked at the interaction. 

This wasn’t something new, random students always come up to you wide-eyed and captivated by the sight of you. It makes sense, not only are you a skilled and valuable player but also, you’re the captain of the girl’s volleyball team. Ushijima also gets the praise and attention but you try to shake away the thought of him. He has been consuming your thoughts too often lately.

“Oi leave her alone, go back to class.” Another voice shoos them away and you have to refrain from rolling your eyes at the soccer captain behind you. “(Y/N).” Kou winks as he appears in front of you and you bite the inside of your cheek to not smile.

“Kou, what’s up?” You ask and he leans against the wall, very close to you.

“Not much, sorry I can’t come to your game today babe I have practice.” His breath tickles your cheek and you laugh while pressing your palms to his chest to create some distance.

“I never asked or expected you to come.” Quickly you dodge his arms and walk around him, heading back towards your own class.

“That’s real cold (Y/N).” His playful voice calls out behind you and you throw him off dismissively with the flick of your hand. “I’ll be at the next one.”

“Mmm okay.” You glance back at him and wave before looking into the classroom you were just in front of. You instantly meet way too familiar olive eyes and stiffen under Ushijima’s gaze. Nothing about him looks different, but any time you look at him, a shiver runs up your spine. You send him a subtle nod before looking away and walking back to your own classroom.

The game that night was a quick one, you and your team won both sets back to back against Karasuno. 

After the game ends there are tons of people waiting to talk to you, you spend time with your friends while accepting gifts from other students. Doing your best to give everyone the same amount of kindness and attention.

“You did so well (Y/N)!”

“That’s why we keep winning because we have a captain like you!”

“She’s like the female Ushijima.”

People keep complimenting you, and you let out a shaky laugh at the last one.

“Nah, her and Ushiwaka are two different people.” A familiar voice calls out and you turn around to see Kou. You ignore the knowing looks from your friends and you raise an eyebrow towards him. 

“You came?” You can’t help the confusion on your face and he looks offended.

“I’d never miss a game,” He confirms and you laugh, crossing your arms over your chest. “on purpose.”

“Well thank you for coming.” You smile and the dark-haired boy glances at someone behind you before grabbing your wrist and pulling you outside the gym. “Kou?”

“I know you’re fucking Ushiwaka.” He spills, seeming to very entertained and his tone is not in the least bit accusatory. You would smack the smug look off his face if you weren’t so caught off guard. “Or he likes you, I’m not sure which one.” Kou thinks about it for a second and then gasps when you stare at him with your mouth wide open.

“W-what are you talking about?” You sputter and put your hands up defensively in front of you.

“(Y/N), how long have we been friends? Besides, in there, he looked like he was going to use my head like a fucking volleyball.” He points back into the gym and you can only stare at him silently. “I approve, definitely, I mean he’s cool in like a quiet way.”

“Fuck off, I’m going back into the gym.” You scoff, very, very embarrassed and Kou throws his hand against his chest dramatically.

“Wrap it before you tap it, babe!”

Leave it to Kou to find out before any of your friends, his observation skills are insane. A good reason why he is such a talented soccer player, you try to ignore the words of your close friend as you head back into the gym dejectedly. It’s nearly empty, thankfully. Only a few players and people left,  and much to your surprise some of the boy’s team are still there.

“Captain you did amazing as always!” Goshiki says when you walk by and you want to ruffle his little bowl cut.

“Thank you Goshiki, did you guys see the entire game?” You ask and glance at Ushijima who is standing behind his teammates, next to Tendou.

“We just finished practice!” The first-year reports.

“Oh you guys didn’t miss much, it was pretty one-sided.”

You never expect much from Ushijima, but you find yourself frowning when you continue to talk to the rest of his teammates and he doesn’t even spare a glance at you.

- - -

Of course, when you get the very subtle ‘come over’ text at eleven o’clock at night you calmly got out of bed. Then your mind starts running everywhere at the thought of getting fucked into tomorrow by Ushijima and you start to panic. Instantly running to the mirror to check how you looked before ultimately giving up and putting on your shoes, quickly walking out into the hallway.

 Its just Ushijima. Its just Ushijima. Oh my god, its Ushijima. 

And with that, you run back into your room and try to make yourself look as pleasant as possible in under a minute before running back out into the hallway. You can only smile when your neighbor opens her door to ask if you were alright. 

Let’s be real, you’re not.

By the time you manage to sneak to his dorm, you're practically breathless. Ushijima isn’t even in your presence, him in your thoughts simply made you so weak, it’s not fair. However, when he opens the door and pulls you in, closing the door and pushing you against it just as quickly as he opened it, you think you’re not the only one affected.

“U-Ushijima?” You watch him carefully, feeling his hands grip your hips, his eyes run all over you face before he presses his lips to yours. It’s not too long until his chest is flush against yours, his hips rocking against your own.

Your hands are buried in Ushijima’s hair as he grinds into you, the feeling of his jeans hitting your clit makes you release a breathy moan and you tilt your head back against the door. He takes this advantage to suck deep bruises into your neck and you whimper at the sensation.

Much too soon, pulls away to drag you over to his bed. He lays down first and pulls you down on top of him, his lips connecting back to yours like they were never even separated. You moan appreciatively against his lips, whining when his tongue runs along your bottom lip. You cup his jaw, trying to pour all of your hidden affections into each kiss. Ushijima just winds you up, something about him lately has you so consumed with him, he’s all you can think about.

When he finally pulls away a string of spit connects your two lips together, reminding you how painful close to two of you are to one another. Ushijima breaks it though, he moves like a man with a purpose as he kisses down your neck, leaving even more obvious marks to litter your skin. The feeling of his mouth on you, his tongue lapping at any area he can reach makes you feel so hot. You grind your center against him and the feeling of his hard cock teasing your slit makes you feel light-headed.

However, something is off.

His lips reach every spot he can reach and when you start to pull away, the hands on your hips bring you back to him. Firmly you plant your hands on his chest and look down at him, his pupils are blown out and he is looking at you in a way you’ve never noticed before.

“I, umm, is everything okay?” You feel stupid for asking but the nagging feeling in your gut is telling you otherwise. “You seem upset?”Ushijima contemplates his next words, he can see how your eyes are trying so hard to stay connected to his own but they keep running astray. He gently squeezes your hips again.

“You can tell just by the way I was kissing you?” His eyes dart down to your neck and you shrug. “I realized that seeing you with other people does not feel right.” His words make your heart clench and you stare at him, painfully waiting for his next words. “I like you.” His confession comes quick and you stare down at him bewildered.

“Huh, me?!” You can’t help but point to yourself and Ushijima holds the stare, under your palms you can feel his heart beating in his chest. You catch him off guard and you press your lips to his own, running your hands through his soft hair.

“I like you too.” You mumble against his lips, you feel so shy in front of him and you end up hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

“Would you like to go out with me?” His actions are so bold and you have to refrain from letting out an excited squeal.

“Right now?” You ask, sitting back up on top of him.

“If you’d like.” Ushijima doesn’t seem phased that you’re literally bouncing on him in excitement, he’s ready to take the blue balls if that meant he got to have you finally to himself. To be able to show you his true feelings, the ones he has kept balled up inside for so long.

“How about after this?” You lean back down and nip at his jaw, dragging your ass sinfully against his clothed member.

“Anything you would like (Y/N).” There are a few moments of silence and you are almost certain you just imagined the entire scene in your head. However, when you feel his hands caressing your sides and squeezing your hips again, you’re brought back to the moment. You throw your shirt over your head messily, ready to take Ushijima as your own in a way you haven’t done before.

It’s almost like a reflex, the moment your bare chest flashes him, Ushijima brings his mouth to the swell of your breast. Mouthing at each one before pressing pecks on every inch of your soft mounds.

You can’t help the loud moan that explodes from your lips when he licks your nipple, long strokes, aching for the nub to harden before taking it into his mouth. His mouth is sinful, Ushijima Wakatoshi is a master with his mouth and he lives to taste you. He suckles and teases you with his teeth before soothing the pain with his tongue, over and over again. Your hand finds a permanent home in his hair and you have to physically pull him off of your chest. There’s something about the way Ushijima’s eyes shine when he looks up at you, he looks so delighted simply at the mere sight of you.

“Please Wakatoshi, fuck me.” You whine and feel him tense underneath you. You’ve never said his name like that, or ever before, and hearing it for the first time in such a crude way makes something inside of him snap.

It’s a blur when he flips you, you’re resting on the bed with him on top of you, you can barely follow any of his movements but the feeling of his fingers running along your slit. Your eyes flicker from his face down to his arms, watching the way his arm tightens as he starts to finger you. His biceps flex with each movement and you cry out when his thumb comes up to circle your clit.

“W-wait, inside of me, I need you inside of me!” You think your voice sounds pathetic but to Ushijima, he is enthralled with everything about you.

It’s painful, the way he sucks on his fingers after he pulls them out of you, the way you can hear the low moans as he swallows the taste of you. You can only watch as he pulls his shorts down and wraps his fist around his large cock, giving himself a few jerks. Any time you reach out to grab him he simply pushes your hand away. Even the way he slips on a condom is so seductive, it isn’t fair.

His large hand gently wraps around your inner thigh, lifting your leg up to push himself deep inside of you. It’s so slow, he is moving so slowly that you can feel every ridge, every vein that adorns his cock. Ushijima loves to take his time with you.

When his hips are pressed against yours and you can feel his hair tickling your clit, only then does he give a few experimental thrusts. Living for your reaction, how your face scrunches up at the build-up of pleasure, seeing how everything makes you feel so damn good. Then he starts to set a pace, one that is usually gentle and caring is now rougher and more protective. As if he is making sure your body will remember his, remember the feeling of him deep inside you like this, how his hands feel holding you still while you wither against the sheets.

“Wakatoshi, you make me feel so good.” The whimper of praise is rewarded with a kiss, the ace is just unable to stop his affections from pouring out of every movement he makes. Ushijima feels the way you start to clench around him, how you grip him so tightly like you don’t want him to leave, like you’re trying to milk him for everything he’s got.

You practically melt when you hear the grunts slipping past his lips, any of the noises he is trying so hard to hold back.

“Let me hear you Wakatoshi, please, let me hear you.” You continue to beg and your hand shakes under the strength of his thrusts as you reach up to cup his jaw. One of his hands snakes down and begins to rub your clit, the newfound pleasure hits you in waves, its almost painful. His thick digits rub and roll the sensitive little nub and you cry out when you hear his breathing stagger. Ushijima’s groans become more noticeable and moans slip past his lips giving you the perfect push off the edge. The hand cupping his jaw grabs the back of his neck and pulls him into a hot kiss, one where you’re crying his name while his tongue intertwines with your own.

He fucks you through your orgasm just as he is trying to find his own, it doesn’t take much though. One look at you and the filthy words you’re spewing is enough to make him finish in an instant.

“Cum Wakatoshi, c-cum for me~” You hiccup as his hips continue to relentless pound into you and when you hear the all too familiar groan you know he has come undone. His voice is so low, it bounces off the walls, and as his hips stutter you can feel yourself spasming all over his cock once again.

“You, you just came again?” Ushijima points out, his chest heaving up and down along with your own. You have him winded better than any other workout.

You can only whimper in response, too far gone to focus on anything else. How do you tell him that you want to fuck him again? Silently you ponder over this, closing your eyes and smiling when you feel light kisses placed on your eyelids.

“I really do like you, Wakatoshi.” You finally open your eyes to look at him, a smile creeping on your face when you see the surprise in his eyes.

“You do?” His tone is teasing and you’ve never heard anything like it when he chuckles against your neck, the laughter resonating deep in his chest.

“Very much.” You nervously look down at your fingers, unable to handle his intense gaze. “And you like me too?” Your heart pounds in your chest and you really just need him to confirm it once more.

“Since the day I met you.” Ushijima presses his lips against your ear and you gasp in realization.

“At the summer training camp in 9th grade?!” You surprised you can remember and Ushijima only nods his head. “Ahh, you’re so cute Wakatoshi!” You finally squeal and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you, cuddling into his chest.

“I still can’t believe Kou knew about this.” You mumble under your breath and Ushijima looks at you with a spark of irritation in his eye. You bring your hands up and push his cheeks together, watching his lips pucker before you kiss him again. “My friend, he approves.” Ushijima can only blink and you laugh again before rolling over to let Ushijima fall beside you.

As soon as his back makes contact with the mattress you curl up into him again, sighing in content when his arms wrap around your waist. 

“We should have done this forever ago, having sex against a locker was not it.” You complain playfully and start to draw shapes all over Ushijima’s large chest.

“I’d fuck you against ever locker if that meant I got to be with you.”

“You weren’t the one being pressed up against the locker so yeah, obviously you would!” You laugh and lightly slap his arm, Ushijima can only watch you. The fondest smile on his face.

Who knew you’d find a soulmate like this?

#ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima x reader #haikyuu ushijima #ushijima smut #ushijima wakatoshi #haikyuu fic #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you

[cottoncandy-jester]

✨lie down darling it's time for a dream✨

3rd gym squad with deaf S/O

This squad needs more love they are all adorable babies maybe I'll do a poly story with them later

This story contains: talks of bullying, wholesomeness, just soft warm stuff with a hint of angst

Akaashi keiji

He makes sure everyone knows that you're deaf if they ever want to talk to you

He is always respectful and makes sure to never scare you by randomly touching you

He knows a little sign language but you two mostly write or text each other

He loves to kiss you on your ears and neck

He actually loves to hear you laugh

You always say you have a weird laugh but he doesnt agree

He likes to hold your hand when you two are out in public

He doesn't really like to baby you though since he knows you are capable of being independent

But please rely on him if you need to

If you ever get stressed or anything he is the type to pull you away from the situation and comfort you

You and keiji were on a date getting crepes, you got banana and he got strawberry but you would often take bites out of each others, keiji leaned forward taking a bite of your crepe and getting whip cream on his nose which made you laugh

Your loud laugh made him smile but he glanced around seeing people stare at you, he hoped you didnt notice but dadly you did and quickly covered your mouth with your hand now overthinking and tears started to brim in your eyes but you jumped when you felt a soft hand on yours.

You looked up and saw keiji texting on his phone so you pulled out yours to see what exactly he wanted to say.

"let's take our crepes to go and take a walk? I love you."

You looked up only to see the male softly smiling at you before you gave a happy nod. You two decided to walk around the park hands held tightly as Akaashi talked to you about volleyball making sure to talk slow enough for you to read his lips.

Bokuto koutaro

He had no idea when you two first went out

He is always showing you off like a trophy though

"MY BABY IS THE CUTEST THING EVER! LOOK AT THEM!"

Even though you cant hear him he is still super loud around you

He sometimes forgets you are deaf so when you stare blankly after he just ranted for ten minutes awaiting your response he realizes that he spoke way too fast for you

You somehow taught him sign language but you two also created your own special symbols that only you two know

If you use the symbol during a game he is going to be super pumped

the others drag you to him if he is in emo mode

He likes your voice

He knows talking is hard but he just wants to hear you say his name

With a lot of speech therapy you fulfilled his wish and he knew right there that he wanted to marry you

It was an off day for him, he wasn't playing as well as he nirnally was and that was cause you were late to his match. Every second he got he would searched the crowd for you and miss the ball.

The team lost the first set and something needed to change before they lost the game, as bokuto sat on the bench drinking water he couldnt help but think of you.

Luckily akaashi had your number and just before bokuto was about to get back to the game he heard the doors swing open and his name called

"KOUTARO!"

His eyes landed on you who was rushing to him while panting, his entire body froze as he watched you and his ears were ringing as tears rolled down his now red face. He thought he was dreaming but you did it again when you nearly tacked him in a hug

"koutaro! M' sorry!"

Bokuto shakily wrapped his arms around you tightly now peppering kisses all over your head and face when you looked at him.

"you- you said my name! Ah! You're here! Did you run here you look so tired! Did you come to see me win? Haha I can't lose now can I?"

Bokuto was so excited and rambling so you simply yanked him down to your level before selling your lips against his.

That definitely perked him up and before you knew it the male was energized and ready to win the game.

His lucky charm was hear after all

Kuroo testuro

He is pretty goofy with you

He loves physical touches to let you know he loves you

Honestly he is the type to pull your cheeks and watch you whine about it

He likes to playfully tease you by calling you his little mouse

He is also a fan of ear kisses

Always kisses your ears or licking your ear lobes

If you aren't paying attention to him or zoned out that's how he gets your attention

He makes sure you are taken care of though

If anyone was to bully you he would definitely get pissed

He likes dates at home where you two just watch tv

Always makes sure subtitles are on no matter what

Knows a little bit of sign language just small stuff

You two mostly use your ability to read lips

He likes when you watch him practice and tends to work extra hard

Please say his name

He doesn't care what you sound like he just wants you to say his name or laugh with him

Your laugh makes him grin so much

He likes your cute little whines and whimpers the most

He is a teasing demon

"what's wrong little mouse? You look so red and flushed"

Kuroo made sure to talk slow so you can clearly read each and every word, you sat in his lap facing him while he waited for the others to come into the gym for practice.

He normally isn't one to show up early but he wanted alone time with you, with a shaky breath a small whimper escaped you as the male leaned forward trailing his tongue along your ear now running his fingers along your waist under your shirt.

"you can't hear me, but I love you so much"

His breath on your ears gave you shivers before you slowly trailed your hands along his chest under his shirt. He was going to kiss you but the sounds of the gym doors sliding open startled him and he pulled back now simply pressing you close to his chest.

You glanced and saw yaku and lev walk in which made you jump lightly and gripped kuroo's jacket lightly before looking up at him as he simply kissed your head.

"yeah I know, we can play later for now me a good mouse and watch your kitty cat practice" as he lifted you off his lap and onto the bench he couldn't help but feel annoyance as more members walked into the gym..damn it those cockblockers.

Tsukishima kei

He pretends he's not over protective but he is

No one is allowed to get a foot close to you unless they want to get the death glare

You are to hold his hand wherever you two go

He made a playlist for you and made sure all the songs had a loud bass so you can feel the vibrations against your ears

He loves listening to music with you and usually uses a speaker so you can touch it and feel it

He does pick on you but only he can do that

If he needs something and you aren't looking at him he will touch your hand or reach to touch your face

"oi, look at me more idiot. How are you supposed to know what I'm saying if you don't?"

He likes to make you wear his jacket all the time so everyone knows who you belong to

Any bullies you get will be dealt with

He loves to kiss all over your face when you two are alone

Mostly cause it makes you laugh

Will use sign language with you if he wants to say something embarrassingly sweet infront of people

Your body in his jacket made his heart swell, you decided to join him during practice and watch him, this only made him more determined to impress you though he wouldn't admit that fact. He was pretty busy with practice that he didn't quite notice strangers walking into the gym.

They were probably going to watch the game as well, so when tsukishima did see them walk in he didn't pay it much mind. Before he knew it they were sitting next to you, one on either side of you.

"so, you watching a friend play?"

"maybe a boyfriend?"

Of course you didn't hear them and they just thought you were being rude so one of them roughly tapped your shoulder earning your attention.

You tried to watch his lips move but he was talking to fast, when you started to use sign language that's when it all went to hell.

"oi! You deaf or something?! So you can't hear anything I said! That's rude as hell! Shouldn't you be wearing a special sign that says so?!"

The two started to bother you now pushing you around and it didn't take lone til one of them pushed you off the bench and started to make you cry.

Your panicked sobs echoed in tsukishima's ears before he walked over like an angry bull, all he could see was red and he wasn't afraid to get into a fight.

"hey! The hell do you think your doing?! Leave them the hell alone!"

Tsukishima's tall height scared the bullies away and the blonde quickly scooped you into his arms now looking at your face, he noticed a bruise from when you were shoved.

"damn it, those assholes. Hey look at me! You okay?"

You gave a small nod before tsukishima simply carried you into his arms feeling you wrap your legs around him.

"I'm leaving practice."

With that he walked to the locker room to get changed and get his things with you never leaving his side.

He made sure to be more aware of you and those around you, you were so fragile and small and he didn't want to see you get hurt.

Hinata shoyo

He is willing to fight for you

Like a tiny bodyguard

Loves to hear you talk even if you don't like it

Is willing to learn sign for you

But he is dumb so he mixes up signs

He would rather just talk slowly or write

Gets all serious when someone picks on you

He loves to mouth out super cute things

Kisses all over for days

Please come watch him play

Will try and ask daichi for a time out if you show up late to his match

He needs to kiss you!

S I M P

He doesn't have money but he will give you anything you want

Hinata laughs as you straddled him now tickling his sides, it was supposed to be a netflix date but it quickly turned into a tickling match. Hinata was quickly losing this battle but was having fun anyways, he suddenly flipped you over and pinned your hands above your head not realizing how suggestive this looks

"ah...hah..not funny, my stomach hurts now"

As he looked down at you he found himself staring into your eyes a blush forming on his cheeks. You always looked so cute to him, a cute angel that made his insides tingle.

"you're, so cute."

He couldn't help but laugh at your red face and he released your hands only for you to sit up and hold his face in your hands

"shoyo..cute..too"

Those three words made him jolt and before you know it he buried his face in your neck squealing and holding you close. You can feel his pounding heartbeat against your own and simply smiled

Lev haiba

Okay so for the first month of your relationship he just thought you were a mute

Poor fool thought everytime you didn't respond in some way meant you were mad at him

After crying to yaku who explained that you were deaf he ended up apologizing to you

He still forgets that you are deaf a lot

He likes it when you cling to his clothes when you both are in a crowd

He tries not to talk too fast but sometimes you have to tug him by his shirt to tell him to slow down

Can't sign to save his life

He often used really dramatic gestures to get you to understand at times

He doesn't mean to offend he's just nervous and doesn't know what to say

He loves you to death

Also a S I M P

You want a snack? Write it down he got you

Want his jacket? Oh he's taking it off as we speak

Need him to carry you? Of course he will!

He doesn't like fighting so with bullies he just presents his height and they normally back off

He is a jealous boy though cause kenma and you sign all the time

Lev watched with a pout as kenma moved his hands fluently signing to you, lev couldn't get the grasp of it but kenma learned fast. This bugged lev since his worst thought was that kenma would steal you away from him!

"it's no fair! He has better hair than me!"

His complaining was cut short by yaku who kicked the Russian in the leg, this made lev fall and he let out a pained groan

"yakuuuuu I can't practice right now my partner is being stolen by kenma!"

"idiot! They are obviously hanging around him cause it's easier to talk to kenma than it is you"

This made lev look to you and he soon came up with an idea. He rushed over to you and kenma before softly grabbing your hand.

This made you jump and you looked over in confusion before smiling softly at his joyful expression.

"I know I tend to talk too fast sometimes, but please don't replace me with kenma! I love you so so much!"

He talked slowly making sure you get every single word and he was shocked to hear your laughter, he glanced over at kenma who now walked away not wanting to ruin whatever moment was happening.

"why you laughing?"

You took out a notepad and a pen before starting to write before handing it to him

As he read what you said his heart started to swell.

"silly! I'm not replacing you with kenma! I love you! More than anything!"

He couldn't help but hug you tightly kissing your face over and over again.

"I love you too! You love me too even if I can't sign! Or even if I mess up? Ahhh! I love you so much! Marry me [y/n]!"

You weren't quite sure what he was saying but you knew he was happy and that made you happy.

#haikyuu imagines #kuroo testuro #bokuto koutaro #akaashi keiji #hinata shoyo #lev haiba #haikyuu headcanons #tsukishima kei

[takohebi]

Serpentine Escapade

Pairing: f!MC/Yuu x Jamil Viper

tags: fluff, romantic tension || word count: 2431

Summary:  The NRC was hosting an extravagant Ball. Yuu wanted a few moments away from the party. A familiar snake slowly glides up to her.

Read on AO3

Fic under the cut- 

Yuu slipped away from the main hall quietly. The NRC Ball was a huge event, with student representatives coming from other colleges as well. Yuu was overwhelmed by the number of people on the dance floor, swirling together delightedly as the light music club provided music and entertainment. It wasn’t like she was lonely- she had already danced a lot, albeit clumsily with Ace and Deuce and even twirled an indignant Grim around a few times. Then Azul and the Leech twins danced with her, their movements elegant and graceful despite being mermen. And she had promised Cater and Lilia dances later. No, Yuu wasn’t lonely; she just wanted a short time away from the bright lights and the crowds. She may not be as asocial as Idia (who did not turn up today, although Ortho did) but big crowds still made her feel nervous and overwhelmed.

She retreated to one of the more reclusive balconies surrounding the humongous ballroom. There was no one around. She let out a sigh of relief.

Yuu stood in the wide balcony overlooking the immaculate Pomefiore gardens. The music was a dull rhythm in the background now, a comforting constant in the otherwise still and quiet night. Yuu sighed. It had been many months since she was whisked away by the carriage. She had essentially restarted her life here. New friends, new rules, new troubles, new...feelings. It was definitely an improvement from her old life, so much so that she continues to repress those memories when they inevitably intrude upon her life in Twisted Wonderland. Shaking her head to dispel the rising mix of apprehension and unease whenever she slipped and remembered her past, Yuu tried to focus her thoughts on the faraway beat, tapping her foot in cadence. It was a tried and true technique that kept her from spiraling and soon she was back to being herself again, eyes closed, body swaying gently to the music, her foot keeping the beat.

“Yuu? Is something wrong?”

A familiar voice jolted Yuu out of her focused distraction. Her eyes flew open to meet Jamil’s, her heart racing a mile a minute. Jamil walked casually towards her, his expression collected but maybe hinted with a slight bit of concern. Maybe. At any rate, Yuu didn’t say anything but watched him get closer, her eyes idly taking in his appearance, though not for the first time this evening. Jamil hardly wore shirts. His dorm uniform and gym clothes always consisted of a hoodie. So seeing him buttoned up in an elegant suit was a special treat. Jamil looked good in everything he wore, and tonight was no exception. The well-tailored suit accentuated his long legs and lean body, making Yuu’s breath catch with every stolen glance during the Ball.

Yuu realised she was attracted to the reticent vice dorm-head shortly after his overblot incident, when Kalim started inviting her over for dinners or mancala games. These sojourns almost always ended up with her staying back to help Jamil clean up and settle things in order and during these moments, Yuu came to realise 2 things: Jamil Viper was a very capable man, who balanced his duties, academics and hobbies perfectly and without complaint, which was pretty cool and admirable. And also, Jamil Viper was very handsome, alluring and physically attractive.

The second observation hit Yuu with the power of a speeding truck when she first saw him laugh at a silly story she shared with him as they were wrapping up after an evening of mancala. His mirthful expression combined with his voice ringing out in amusement dazed Yuu and she realised she was already in love with him for a while now, enjoying their small, quiet moments in each others’ company in the opulent Scarabia Dorm.

At present Jamil had reached her spot in the balcony, the worry on his face a tad bit clearer. “Hey are you feeling well? You look spaced out. Everything okay?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

“Oh, I just wanted a small break from the crowd. I am fine. Needed a moment away, that’s all.”

“I get what you mean. The Ball is really grand and it seems with each passing year, more people turn up for these events. It’s just...I saw you leave the Hall and not return and-”

“Ha you thought I was going to run away? Away from the delicious desserts? No way!”

“- and was concerned that you might not be well.” he continues, eyebrows creasing disapprovingly at her feeble attempt at deflection. His annoyed face was adorable, Yuu thought to herself. But she refrained from saying it. It won’t be wise to annoy him further.

So she smiled and said “I am fine, Jamil. Thank you for asking. I do intend to return to the Ball before Lilia hexes me for spurning his dance offer."

She gave a shallow laugh as Jamil’s earlier words sunk in. Had she continued watching Jamil as she spoke, she might have seen his frown get deeper when she mentioned Lilia and her promise to the enigmatic fae. But Yuu now had other thoughts in mind.

So he had watched her leave huh? He had watched her leave. The idea of Jamil looking at her from afar made her insides flutter. She too, had been looking at him during the event, quite a lot in fact. She saw him dance with a lot of students from his dorm, Azul (though Jamil seemed extremely reluctant about it), Ace and Floyd. She was hoping to dance with him at some point too, making a mental note to ask him later. And now he is here, with her, under the waning moon, alone and away from the party. As she slowly started to think of how to phrase the question without being weird, Jamil spoke.

“Would you like to dance with me?”

Yuu’s head snapped to face Jamil. He was looking away, expression neutral but she swore he was blushing slightly, the same look he had on his birthday celebration, many weeks ago. She blinked rapidly, her mind blanking. She wasn’t mentally prepared for this!!

Jamil looked at her, his frown had returned. Yuu panicked for a moment before forging on.

“It’s fine-”

“YES”

“I want to dance with you Jamil. I mean it.” Yuu grinned, barely able to contain her excitement. She hoped the semi-darkness helped hide her blush.

Her heart hammered in her chest as Jamil wordlessly held out his hand, a soft smile on his face. Why was this man so beautiful?

Almost too eagerly Yuu took it, and Jamil pulled her into a slow dance, in perfect harmony with the distant, ongoing music.

Now as noted previously, Yuu had already danced quite a bit before but somehow this time, it felt more...personal. Was it because her partner was a man she’d been slowly falling in love with? Was it because right now they were away, separate from the rest of the school, rest of the world, tangled together in this moment of time?

At any rate, all she could think of right now was the feeling of Jamil’s hand in hers, his other on her waist and the proximity of their bodies, their breaths. It felt intimate and it made her forget to breathe. Her body followed Jamil’s mechanically, and she was happy to be led by him. It gave her time to drink him in. She could hear the soft tinkling of the bell in his hair accessory. It was a soft reminder of their closeness. Her eyes wandered more. She noticed his lashes were a kind of long, and his makeup for tonight seemed immaculate. Oh his ear had a small mole, how cute.

She continued.

The muscles in his neck flexed and moved slightly with their steps, the sight mesmerizing Yuu. Ha, Jamil didn’t need his unique magic to hold her captive. His lips were gently sloped into a casual small smile and Yuu could not believe her heart could beat any faster, but it did. Her eyes raked over his hands next- seeing their intertwined hands made her skin tingle with happiness and excitement. His other rested steadily on her waist and Yuu wondered how would it feel to let it wander. He smelled nice too. Some kind of soft cologne. Yuu was careful not to inhale too much, lest she forget herself and do something inappropriate. Ahh, she was enjoying this dance very much.

Though her eyes ravished his body and face, Yuu did not look into Jamil’s eyes. She knew if she did, she would do or say something stupid and or crass and she was scared. Scared of breaking this magical spell. The air around her felt electric and heady. And she wasn’t done with it yet. Just a few moments more...

Suddenly Jamil’s grip on her hand grew a slight bit tighter, breaking her indulgent thoughts and prompting her to glance quickly at him. He was again looking away, again frowning and looking a little...pouty?

“Hey are you okay?” Yuu asked, slightly panicky. Was she dancing badly? Is he bored?

He started. He probably squeezed her hand unknowingly. Odd. Jamil is usually pretty calculative of everything. Impulsive is not a word to describe him. He sighed softly, the action fanning Yuu’s hair and gently caressing her neck, causing her mind to go into overdrive. Focus! She has to focus! It won’t do to lose her mental faculties right when Jamil is about to speak.

“It’s not me, I am worried you are not enjoying this.”

“What?! Why would you say that?” Yuu asked with a laugh, the idea that she could possibly not be enjoying being held by Jamil seemed so absurd.

Jamil huffed, lips quirking, accentuating his pout. Lord this man can be so endearing! He seemed to be carefully thinking about his words. Hmm, he usually didn’t need to think so much.

“Earlier… when- hmm. When you danced with Ace, you were talking...laughing. You seemed more- enthusiastic. You can be honest with me you know? I have faith in my dancing but not in being an enjoyable companion.”

Jamil seemed to be picking his words slowly, cautiously. Yuu was not.

“Jamil! That was because Ace was constantly mimicking Crewel as we danced. His imitations are really funny. Well you know how Ace is, he is never serious.” Yuu laughed nervously but Jamil didn’t look convinced. Yuu’s brain raced, trying to find words and string them together.

Instinctively she tightened her grip on Jamil’s hand and leaned in, hoping her panic doesn’t show. “Jamil, I swear I am having the time of my life right now. I- I don’t know how to express it well. But I would rather be here dancing with you, than with anyone or anywhere else right this moment. I really enjoy your company and would have refused to dance if I really did not want to. You know that right? I am here because I want to.”

Jamil’s eyes widened slightly, his lips parted as if to say something but no words were spoken. Yuu realised she had done what she was avoiding- looking at Jamil’s eyes and with them being this close, she noted his eyes were a pretty grey, the light from the Hall casting a warm glow. Yuu felt her thoughts trailing to his lips again. They were right there. She glanced at them and wet her own. How easy would it be to accidentally lean in a bit and brush her lips against his. A small chaste kiss. She let out a breath and quickly shot a look at his eyes again. They were searing into hers and she could see him quickly work something out as he held her stare.

How and when she did not know but Jamil’s hand had now moved from her waist to her face, cupping it gently. His expression shifted to something a little cocky. The way he looked when he knew he was winning. Smug and certain. Yuu hoped her heartbeat wasn’t actually audible because right now, all she could hear was the roaring in her ears.

And Jamil’s voice. His silky smooth voice as he spoke in a lowered tone-

“Yuu. If it’s ok with-”

“YUU! THERE YOU ARE!!”

Ace’s voice cut through the moment, cleanly slicing the tension and Jamil instantly leaned back, face immediately resuming his usual stoic expression. Yuu loved her friend but right now she was angrily wishing she could use magic because she would very much like to curse him for a year. But the look of relief on his face as he ran towards the two softened her heart. A bit. Yuu was still pretty mad.

Behind him, Deuce appeared, a little out of breath, holding Grim. Evidently they were looking for Yuu. “We were worried about you. You could have at least told us before taking off y’know.” Grim said, a look of exasperation on his face.

“Sorry, I chanced upon her sometime ago but she wanted some fresh air so I was accompanying her.” Jamil replied, politely.

“Well we just didn’t want her missing out on the desserts. That’s all.” Ace said, crossing his arms. Sure Ace. That’s all. His reluctance to admit his feelings made Yuu smile. Her idiot trio were most definitely the cutest people in the campus. Uh, save for Jamil. And Kalim. Hmm maybe that title has a lot of competition.

Deuce was on his phone, maybe texting someone. Ace was talking, “-yeah tell Ruggie that we found her and she’s fine. Hang on, maybe don’t tell him. He still owes me for cheating me out of my lunch the other day…” As Deuce elbowed him and the bickering started, Yuu’s idle thoughts were interrupted by a pressure on her hand. Her heart skipped several beats when she realised Jamil was holding her hand throughout this even if they broke apart the moment Ace spoke. Yuu slowly glanced at him and saw him stare at her friends, with a blank expression.

“When the light music club performs “Buzzing Currents”, come back here, I will be there. We have a dance and other...things to finish. I’ll be seeing you.” Gently letting go of Yuu with a final squeeze, Jamil strode away, citing some excuse about disciplining his dorm. As she stole one last glance, he looked back, a cheeky smile on his face and eyes narrowed in what looked like amusement. He looked like a cat that got the cream.

Yuu couldn’t wait to be eaten.

#jamil viper #jamil x mc #jamil x yuu #twst fanfic #twst #twisted wonderland #whew i wrote a fic!! #i am considering a sequel #lets see #i love jamil so much lmao #you can see how thirsty i am for him in this fic #it's so self-indulgent #My writing

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #431-432

two biggins’ in one, beware the long post.

Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? No. How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? I couldn't possibly count the cats. A lot. We've had I wanna say eight dogs through my entire life. Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? No. My older sister played the clarinet in school, though. Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? I have, but they don't really affect my stress level. Can you crack crab legs without a tool? UGH EW I hate crab legs. So mushy and just... ew. I don't think I've tried to without a tool. How many light sources are in the room you’re in? Excluding the natural light out my windows, three. What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? Just your usual cream cheese. Who’s your favorite director? Tim Burton. I love his style. Bats: cute or gross? Bats are SO goddamn cute. What was the last really intense pain you felt? I had a sudden pain in my chest the other day that scared me quite a bit. Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? A lake, for sure. How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I'd be way too lonely. What is your father's middle name? John. Where did your last kiss take place? The airport. Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? Probably Jason. A masked guy just casually pursuing you with a knife is horrifying to me. If you married your favorite celebrity what would your last name be? Fischbach alskdfla;wer;lkwera;wle Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? No. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My ma. Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? Shoes. It's very important for them to be comfy for me. Are you a good liar? Yes. :x Are you proud of your parents? Yeah. If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? If Mom was with me, Metallica. She would actually fucking die if she met them. Like she cried and laughed with joy when she found out about the concert in Raleigh some years ago, and we thought we were going to go, but yeah, money. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange cream soda. Grape soda is so gross. Was the last thing you ate hot or cold? It was room temperature. Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? Our landlord/family friend. I think. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Can you remember the last song you listened to? I'm listening to "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White right now. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? Ha, that is a colossal understatement... Can you do a back flip, or anything else of that sort? Definitely not. I couldn't even do stuff like that as a kid. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? ^ Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer, for sure. Do you have a job, and if so, where do you work? No. If not, do you want one? Not right now. I want to focus on the gym and getting in shape. Do any medical afflictions run in your family? A whole lot. What’s your favorite Mexican dish? Shrimp quesadillas. Or rice with cheese sauce. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, hockey and baseball. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? I'm actually conflicted on this right now. I use tampons, but there are reasons I don't really like them and am considering something else. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Not me myself, but Mom has. What months were you and your siblings born in? My two immediate sisters were born in April and June. What did you have for dinner last night? Uhhhhh... I want to say I had a chicken pesto bowl? Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No, that sounds so uncomfortable. Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? No. I don't care about that anymore. Has your town ever flooded? Oh, for sure. Hurricane Floyd from when I was... I wanna say two or three WRECKED my area. Have you ever played at the McDonald’s play place? Yeah. That was a blast as a kiddo. Have you ever taken a picture of snow? Yeah. Do you cry easily? Very. Are you happy with where you live? No. The suburbs suck. I miss living in the country so much. Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No. Do you hate the last person you kissed? No, she's my best friend in the whole world. What genre is your favorite movie? I actually don't know what it's considered? It's a kids movie, though. Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? My permit picture is fucking hideous. When was the last time somebody hit on you? *shrug* Was the last person you met a male or female? A guy - my personal trainer. What brand is your underwear? I'm in my pjs, and only a madman would wear underwear to bed. What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Just the rolls, really, lol. I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving foods at all. Do you have a TV in your room? No, because I don't watch TV. Are any of your electronics charging right now? My laptop always is, though I know you shouldn't do that. I need to charge my phone, too. What was the last video game you played? Video game, not computer, I want to say uh... The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon? What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? To never leave me. He didn't. Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google. What was the last song you had on repeat? The song I mentioned earlier. Who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? Markiplier. :') How many college degrees do you want? It'd be nice to have a Bachelor's in SOMETHING, but I'm not returning to school. Three tries was enough money down the drain. Can you wink? Yeah. Do you own any jerseys? No. Have you ever tried to snort Pixie Stix as a child, or even an adult? Uh, no. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? No. The last time Jason and I hung out in any capacity was his brother's wife's baby shower, and it's a bad memory. As well, it just reminds me of what I once wanted with him. I'll go to them and be okay, but definitely not thrilled. Has there ever been a time in your life, you felt sexually undecided? Yes, especially in the I want to say 8th grade. I had an inescapable crisis that literally lasted a whole week (or maybe more) forcing myself to believe I was straight, despite already showing but denying bisexual attractions. I was religious back then, so believed if I wasn't straight, I'd go to Hell. Then I came out as bisexual in uhhhh... 2018 I wanna say, and that was a long examination of my feelings. It felt like a massive weight off my shoulders when I accepted it. I felt legit happy. Do you think tattoos and piercings are sexy on the opposite sex? ugggghhhhh yes Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? No. What color are the headphones you have at this moment in time? My earbuds are pink and white. Ever choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, for sure. My fave is strawberries. What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? I have a pink and black lacy one that is super cute, but it's too small for me right now. It just stays in my drawer. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No. What do you usually buy when you go to the dollar store? If I'm stopping there for a snack (which is usually the only time we stop by one), I tend to get a honeybun. Ever peed in the pool? Be honest! No, that is so gross. When you’re older, what kind of house do you want to live in? I want a medium-sized house that's semi-isolated in the woods. I'd love a nice path to walk down and take photos, a catio for Roman or whatever cat I may have in the future... stuff like that. I need lots of nature. Where do you want to get married? In some sort of gothic building, though I'm sure that would be a WILDLY expensive venue, so I doubt that'll happen. Realistically, either in the woods or even a massive flower garden. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yes. What is your favorite childhood TV show? Pokemon. Honestly, do you like school? No, I didn't. Last thing that made you cry? PTSD. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now? No big secrets, no. Last person you took a walk with? Sara, years ago. Have you ever liked someone who didn’t like you back? Oh, have I... Who was the last person to actually pick you up in the air? Probably Jason, honestly. Does any part of your body hurt? My non-existent abs are killing me from exercising yesterday. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret what would you do? While it's tempting, hand me the cash. Can you keep a secret? Absolutely. You tell me a secret, you can guarantee I'll be keeping it between you and me. Your favorite romantic movie? The Notebook. How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? I honestly like it. I love the aesthetic of it, and I know people say "well you should celebrate love every day," and while that's right, what's so wrong about nationally designating a specific day to appreciate it? I think it's a very cute holiday. Who was the last person you took a picture with? My sister Katie. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? I haven't worn jeans in yeeeeaaaarrrrssss. When I did though, I loved jeans like that, especially for skinny jeans. Do you celebrate 420?No. Have you ever kicked a vending machine? No. How do you eat Oreos? I prefer to just dip them in milk. If that's unavailable, I separate the two parts, eat the cream, and then the two cookies. Do you wear your shoes in the house? No. Would you survive in prison? Absofuckinglutely not. It's dark, but just to be entirely honest, I'd probably find a way to kill myself. Ever been to Georgia? I've been through it. Do you get your hair cut every month? Not every month, no. It needs a trim right now badly, though.

Current relationship in detail. I'm single and should be. If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? My dad. List things you spend money on in an average week. Nothing. Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. He was honestly a 10 lmao like I don't have a lot of experience at all, but yeah. Post the last FB group/page that you joined. I actually don't remember because I've been on break from Facebook for around a month. Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? No... Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? I'm sure he has. He dated someone right after me for like... eight months or something? Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? I think that's very obvious by now. What board games are you good at? Idk, I don't really enjoy board games. Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? Definitely no sports, but I've been wanting to get back into video editing. I just... haven't, even though I have the software. Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? They're incredibly immature. I see zero humor in them. Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? They're hot as fuck, man. Is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? What? I'll just say they're divorced for good reasons. Do you ever actually read the “Terms and Services” when you sign up for websites and such? No. If you have a handheld games console (a DS or GameBoy, for example), how often do you use it? Almost never. Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, what do you say? Realistically, I wouldn't answer because I don't answer numbers I don't recognize. Hypothetically, if I knew it was him, I'd probably say something along the lines of, "Hey J, are you okay?", because something must be seriously wrong if he wants to talk to me of all people. If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you? Mom absolutely would. Are you afraid of falling in love? I'm terrified of it. Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? I wish I didn't. Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didn’t? Yes: Tyler. Did you get kissed last night? Haven't been kissed in years. Do you enjoy going through a carwash? Bring out the rainbow soap and it's hype lmao. How did you get most of your scars? My cat, ha ha. He sometimes plays way too rough, and I just scar very easily. Ever had to take an inkblot test? Yes, when I went to a psychologist. Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? Maybe? Have you ever seriously slapped someone in anger? My sister as a kid on her arm. Safe to say I got in trouble for it. What/who woke you up this morning? Just my body. Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? Mom. What’s one of your locked text messages? da;lsd;fakwer I have one locked from Sara that says something like, "You are so beautiful." I cried. Have you ever finished a game of Monopoly? I think? Jason and I used to play the digital one you could download on the PS3. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. I mean, I know of a girl who went to my school who was paralyzed from the waist down in an accident, but I didn't/don't know her personally. She was a MASSIVE deal in my education community. Like you would see "prayers for (name)" on school and church signs. The truth all comes out when someone is drunk, true? Usually true. I sometimes think back on the one time Jason was drunk, and he just told me in the most adoring voice, "I love you, Brittany." It's painful as fuck to remember. I really do wonder if he meant it, given this was in the later half of our relationship. When was the last time you felt disappointed in yourself? Constantly. How about feeling disappointed in someone else? I dunno. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? I definitely experience envy more often. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Do you have any specific chores you do around the house? I'm supposed to empty the dishwasher in particular. For you, does comfort or fashion come first in dressing? Comfort, 100%. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? No. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I do. That sounds pretty good right about now. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Yeah, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Yeah, at SeaWorld as a kid. Did you ever have one of those Easy Bake ovens as a kid? Yeah. My little sister in particular was obsessed. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Two. Are there a lot of trees in your yard? No. :/ I miss that. Have you ever liked someone that treated you like crap? No. Have a best friend? Yeah. :') Does it bother you when your best friend does stuff without you? That is so childish. Everyone needs space sometimes. But to answer the question, considering she lives many states away from me, obviously not. Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yes. Does anyone hate you? I wouldn't at all be surprised if Jason does. Colleen might, but I really don't give a shit if she does. What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? The way I spoke to Jason after the breakup. If only I could take those letters back. Do you remember important dates? I am VERY bad at dates, doesn't matter how important they are. What’s some lyrics from a song that means a lot to you? "For such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from a Mother Mother song. Who gives the best advice? Sara. Who do you usually see in your dreams? :) Jason is nearly a permanent fixture. Jeez, I'm bringing him up a lot in this one. I'm surprised my PTSD isn't dragging me into a pit for it. What type of cake did you last eat? Uhhh I wanna say double chocolate? Mom got two slices from the store for me and herself a long time ago. How many of your friends are gay or bisexual? A large number. I don't feel like counting. What’s your favorite type of sandwich? Just your usual peanut butter and jelly. When was the last time someone asked you out? Did you accept or decline? Years ago by Girt. I accepted. Do you like The Offspring? Sure, I like a handful of their songs. One pillow or two? I sleep with two. Do you like Mad Libs? Sure, they can be funny. Are you suicidal? Well damn, just throw that in there. Anyway, no. I'll admit I've had very brief, passive thoughts very rarely as of the late, just wondering if there really is a point to me being here, but I'm not actively suicidal at all rn. Where do your grandparents live? They're dead. When alive though, they lived in Florida and Michigan. Do you cut yourself? And this one? No, I haven't in many years. What is your pet’s name? Roman and Venus. Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I'd love to visit. Aren’t babies overrated? "Overrated" is definitely the wrong word... I don't particularly find a lot of babies cute and I don't want my own, but they're not overrated. Have a built-in pool in your backyard? Never have. Ever won yourself a stuffed animal? Yeah. Ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? Yes. Ever been to a circus? No. I wouldn't set foot into one. Ever shot animals? I never, ever could. Do you consider yourself intelligent? I USED to. I think I'm dumb as shit now. School knowledge did not latch onto me well, I guess. Have you ever run away from home? Yes. It was so overdramatic. I came back hours later because I had my phone and Mom texted me threatening to call the cops. Do you put family first, friends, relationships, school, or something else? I will never put my mental health behind anything/one again. What’s something you’ve stood up for in the past? When Colleen and I were friends in middle school, we both spoke before the class in absolute disgust at how our classmates were treating our poor substitute teacher. Colleen had AT them, while I was more tame about it but still wanted to bash into their heads that they were all being absolute trash to the poor man. What’s something you worked extremely hard to get? My mental wellbeing. Granted, I'm not exactly "well" now, but once upon a time I was living in the deepest ocean trench as far as depression goes. Are you satisfied with your body image? Hell no. I really, really, really hope loyally going to the gym will help me with that. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I know of. Have you ever seriously taken advantage of someone or been taken advantage of? No. Have you ever been seriously ill? Mentally, immensely. Physically, not really. I've had some nasty stomach bugs, but nothing truly severe. Have you ever befriended a former enemy? Ha, it's funny, I used to hate Jason's first ex/heartbreak for how badly she hurt him. Like she could've been falling off the face of the earth with only me to save her, and I'd let her keep falling. I hated her. Yet now we're Facebook friends and comment on each other's stuff like it's nothing, ha ha. She reached out to me a few years ago to apologize for high school stuff (she also hated me for Juan - her ex or something along those lines - being interested in me instead of her), we chatted a bit, and now I think she's great. If you’re not religious, would you ever pray as a last resort? If you are religious, do you often pray for other people? I don't pray anymore. That's all I'll say to keep this from becoming potentially very offensive. Have you ever dated someone, then after you dated they came out of the closet or switched (for lack of a better word) sexual orientation? I'm pretty sure my middle school boyfriend Aaron is gay, but I'm not certain. He vanished from Facebook a long time ago. Has a boy/girl ever walked a ridiculous distance just to see you? How about vice versa? I tried doing that the night of the breakup. By car, I know it was a seven-minute drive, but walking there, never mind at night, was ludicrous. I only didn't manage because after a few minutes, Mom came after me and kept cutting me off with the car. When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable? Right now. My abs REALLY hurt, and I'm also cramping like a motherfucker after not having a period for 3+ months because of TMS therapy. I'm still pissed about how it had a physical effect on me, but didn't mentally do what it was meant to. Is there anything that your mom is really known for as to how she is as a person? She is very, very loving and lives to help others. Who have you been talking to the most today? Nobody, really. I've spoken with Mom obviously, but for the most part, today's been quiet. Are you nosy? I can be pretty damn nosy, yes. What’s the meanest thing you have done to a friend? Consistently flirted with her boyfriend behind her back. I was 12, okay? If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? THE ex, I have no idea. I don't know what's going on in his life, besides his mother dying quite a few months ago, but I don't see why he'd contact me about that. Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? Jason. Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? No, but I think I do.

#survey #surveys #random questions

[libraryofloveletters]

hey congrats! do you have an 🐹 hcs about moreid in general? again congratulations:)

thank you!! 

🐹- moreid but domestic edition 

Okay where do I start 

Reid climbs him like a tree, just for fun.

Could be any time, just hanging out, or Derek’s cooking dinner

Spencer just hangs onto him, wraps himself around him

Derek is a human heater and Spencer is definitely one of those people that have really told hands and feet 

When they’re sleeping, Spencer wraps himself around Derek for warmth 

As much as Derek loves him, he hates it because Spencer’s feet feel like ice cubes against his body

Derek tries to get him to sleep with socks but Spencer refuses. 

Something about it being unnatural and germs and socks are for shoes not for bed

Spencer is constantly getting more books and they’re running out of space so Derek turns the spare bedroom into a little library for him 

One weekend when Spencer goes to visit his mom, Derek builds ceiling to floor length book sleeves on each wall 

Spencer also has a rocking chair with a comfortable throw pillow and blanket in the corner of their home gym because Derek is down there for hours and he gets lonely 

The blanket is for Spencer when he gets cold because Derek has the ac blasting (cause human heater duh) 

Spencer just hangs out and reads while Derek works out 

Spencer does more watching than reading tbh 

Occasionally flipping a page so Derek doesn’t notice his staring 

#anj's 1.4k angels

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Piggy’s Had Too Much Wine

This fic is highkey a vent because my younger brother is an asshole who never stops calling me fat

DISCLAIMER: By writing this fic I am not saying that Katy Richardson is fat. She is not. And even if she was, she would still be drop dead gorgeous. This is a fictional story about the character she plays, not her.

Word count: 3159

TW: Body shaming, body image issues, self harm

--------------------

  “Damn, girl, you got enough in your face?”

Joan looked up from the forkful of food she had just put in her mouth and blinked at Anne smirking across the table at her. She chewed slowly, like a sheep deep in thought, then said after swallowing, “Huh?”

Anne nodded at her meal. “You got a lot to eat there.”

  “I know,” Joan said, shifting in her seat. “I’m hungry.”

  “That’s new,” Cathy observed. “Usually you don’t like eating during lunch breaks at work.”

  “Well, we’re not at work,” Joan said. “This is a restaurant.”

  “We know that,” Cleves said. 

  “And the food is good here.” Joan went on hastily. “I like it.”

  “Maybe a little too much,” Kitty said from behind her glass, earning her a sharp, but wounded look from Joan, which she countered with a petty sip of her drink.

  “I’m paying, anyway,” Joan continued. “Why does it matter what I get?”   “It doesn’t, honey,” Aragon settled her. “Don’t worry about it.”

Joan nodded and then took another bite of her meal. She couldn’t help but feel a little awkward as she did so, as if she were eating like a pig out of a slop trough, but tried to ignore it. It was fine. Everybody had to eat. There was nothing embarrassing about it.

  “So…” Anne started again. Aragon gave her a warning look, but she either ignored it or didn’t see it. “What made you want to come out with us? Usually you never go out.”

Joan shrugged. “I got lonely. And there isn’t anything good to eat at my apartment, so…” She shrugged again.

  “Ah, so that explains why you’re stuffing your face like there’s no tomorrow,” Kitty nodded wisely.

Joan ruffled, face inflaming with red. “I said I was hungry!” She yelped, her voice pitching slightly.

  “Don’t get mad,” Kitty held her hand sup. “I thought you were just trying to starve yourself or something.”

  “You do never eat,” Jane put in her two cents.

  “Well, I am now,” Joan grumbled.

  “Do you have a date?” Cleves asked. “Maybe you’re looking for someplace good to take them?”

Anne snorted. “If Joan had a date, then I hope they have a belly kink because she’s going to be packing after this.” She took a sip of her drink, then breezily added, “More so than she usually is.”

A few giggles swept through the tables, while others snapped their heads around to gauge Joan’s reaction. And she did not look happy about what had been said.

Joan’s fork was raised up for her to take another bite, but frozen in midair. Bright red consumed her face like the blooming of a rose in spring. She unconsciously wrapped her free arm around her stomach while slowly setting her fork down with the other. She sat hunched against the table for a moment, then was grabbing her purse and dumping money out on the table.

  “You can pay with this,” She mumbled.

  “Come on, Joan,” Anne said, rolling her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby. It was just a joke.”

But Joan doesn’t listen to her. She stood up and shoved her chair in roughly. Tears of humiliation could be seen shining in her eyes.

  “Oh my god,” Anne groaned. “Are you going to cry? Are you serious? You’re literally thinner than half of us here! What do you have to cry about? Or even be embarrassed about?”

Still, Joan doesn’t listen. She slung her purse of her shoulder and stormed out of the building, her arms wrapped firmly around her stomach the entire time.

------

When Joan got home, she shoved her fingers down her throat and cried. So much for a good meal. At least she got to pay for it.

------

That night, Joan stood in the shower with a box cutter poised over her exposed belly. She wondered what it would be like to find clarity in its blade. Cutting off pieces of herself would make her feel more whole. A heavy decision with a light outcome. It would just be like how they cut meat at slaughterhouses.

Make yourself an animal. Make yourself less human. It’ll make the process easier.

But the pain was bright and sharp and unbearable, even with the smallest of slices, and she threw the box cutter at the wall.

Joan sunk to the floor, sobbing, thin trails of blood running from her stomach. The water dissolved the red into unfolding petals of flowers across her pale skin before sliding into the drain.

What did she have to be embarrassed about?

She looked at herself in the mirror after getting out of the shower and asked herself this. What does she have that makes her so embarrassing? What does she have to hate?

She wasn’t overweight. She wasn’t obese. In most people’s terms, she was the normal example of thin. It was just her stomach, it wasn’t that bad, or that’s what they say.

  “You’re not even that big,” That’s because you haven’t seen her with her shirt off.

  “It’s just your stomach, it’s not even that bad,” But that’s what people see the most.

  “You aren’t fat so stop saying you are,” And she wished she could, but tell that to the insecurities rebounding inside of her head.

When she wears jeans, she has to pull the waistband up over her stomach or else she would be doing an impression of an English muffin for the entire day.

When she wears certain shirts, she has to suck in her stomach or else everyone will see the not-actual baby bump she’s sporting.

When people jokingly (or sometimes seriously) ask if she’s pregnant, she has to force herself to laugh along because if she shows that she’s offended they’ll pull out the “you’re not fat, you don’t know what it’s like, you have no right to be so whiny.”

When someone says they wished she had her body type, she has to act like it’s some worshiping compliment when really it just makes her feel guilty.

And she gets it, she does, she knows how hard it must be for actual overweight people, but goddamnit, when she heard someone point her body out so rudely, it was enough to destroy any confidence she had in herself.

She wanted to cut it all off. All of it. Until there’s nothing left but a gaping hole left in her abdomen from where her ugliness used to be.

If only.

------

Joan hadn’t expected not eating to be so goddamn hard. She only ate a few things a day, but having nothing at all was absolute torture. The fact that she couldn’t go twenty-four hours without food did not help her confidence in her weight or body, but it was also too much for her to handle. She /had/ to eat. She could find a different way to lose weight.

------

Exercise was a bust. Turns out she has really bad stamina. She threw up when she attempted to jog an entire trail. She walked the same trail the second time and still felt excruciating stitches in her side during the entire hike. And then she waterlogged herself and felt even sicker. AND THEN her legs were sore for days. She hated it.

------

When starving herself and jogging failed, Joan turned to the local gym. She bought herself a membership and went in with the most confidence she could muster. The first day, her foot slipped and she got her leg caught in the turning pedals of the bike machine. In her attempt to escape, she sprawled right out of the seat, screaming. She hasn’t gone back since.

------

Two weeks have passed since the incident at the restaurant. Joan was still thinking about it, no matter how hard she tried to distract herself. Anne’s words and the laughter that followed just kept rebounding through her skull.

Hunching over her work desk, Joan carefully felt her stomach. She hated how soft and pudgy it was, as if she were actually pregnant like how people liked to joke, but with a deflated baby. She poked the roll of fat and wrinkled her nose in disgust. Her nails curled into the skin as her anger mounted.

Why did she have to look like this? 

She had rewatched the recordings of the Sunday Sessions and noticed how much her stomach stuck out. Had she always looked that fat? Why didn’t anyone say something? Were they laughing at her while the Live went on? Were they looking? God, she even looks awful in her overalls. If she can’t wear her overalls anymore, then what’s the point of anything?

Joan whimpered. She scratched harder at her belly.

Cut it off. Cut it all off. Make herself good, whole, pretty. People will like her more. She’ll finally have friends. Yes. Yes. Good.

Tears streamed down her cheeks. Stinging pain streaked all across her poor tummy. Her fingernails were claws and she was marring herself.

Give them a reason to like her. Just don’t let them see what lies underneath. Just smile and be pretty and stay thin. Cut it off.

Joan wondered what would happen if she scratched too deep. What if her skin split open? She’s heard of evisceration that has happened like that, granted it usually wasn’t caused by excessive clawing because of body hatred. Would pulling out some of her organs make her thinner? Surely she didn’t need her large intestines /that/ much. It had it in its name- “large.” It’s too big. It takes up too much space in her. It’s definitely making her look so swollen and gross.

Pull it out

  “Joan?”

Joan’s hands froze. Her entire body froze. She swallowed thickly, shutting her eyes and cursing herself in her mind. Then, she’s wiping the tears from her face and turning to the queen in her doorway.

  “Yeah?” 

Jane peered at Joan curiously. Strangely, the usual annoyance in her gaze was missing. She even looked a little worried.

No, no-- Jane doesn’t care about her. Jane thought she was fat, just like everyone else.

  “Are you alright?” Jane asked.

  “What? Oh, yeah. I’m okay.” Joan said. She forced a light laugh. “I was watching some animal videos. You know The Dodo? God, those always make me cry! Don’t tell the director, please? I don’t want him to think I’m slacking.”

Jane looked at her computer screen, which definitely did not have an animal video on it, then nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

  “So, what did you need?” 

  “Oh, uh. Tim needs you. Something about lighting malfunction.” Jane said.

  “A music director’s work is never done,” Joan chuckled dryly. She got up and walked out into the hallway, Jane stepping back with her. When she closed the door, faint bloody smears were left on the knob.

She and Jane both noticed it, along with the blood on her fingertips, but neither said anything.

------

You lose weight when you’re stressed. You also gain weight when you’re stressed. The fact that Joan was worried that her costume was tighter than usual does not help the latter.

------

The costume was definitely tighter. Or maybe it was always this tight? NO, there’s no way… Well, whatever it is, it’s making the waistband cut uncomfortably into her belly when she sits down. But maybe it rupturing her organs from the tightness may not be so bad. The loss of mass inside of herself could help her lose weight.

------

Joan tried to not eat again. It’s working a little. She’s restraining herself well enough. But it’s awful, so awful. The hunger pains are the worst.

------

  “Joan?”

Joan turned to the doorway of her dressing room to see Aragon standing there. 

  “Yes?”

  “Are you almost done?” Aragon asked.

Joan furrowed her eyebrows at her paperwork. “No.”

  “Wonderful,” Aragon said. “Come on.”

Joan blinked. “What?”

  “Come on,” Aragon said again. “We’re going to my house for dinner.”

  “Wha-- But I said I had work?”

  “It doesn’t matter right now. Let’s go.”

Joan hesitated, then gathered her belongings and walked out with Aragon. If it weren’t for her undying loyalty to the queens and that she was kinda afraid of Aragon, she might have refused. Too late now, though.

  “What are we having?” Joan asked meekly on the drive to the queen’s house.

  “Lasagna,” Aragon answered. “And, no, before you ask, I’m not going to add every single existing spice into it.” She rolled her eyes. “Can you believe that Anne really thought that?”

That got a tiny giggle out of Joan. Aragon flashed her a quick smile, then focused on the road ahead of her.

  “I hope you’re hungry.”

  “I am a little,” Joan said, and that’s the moment her stomach decided to growl obviously loud. Her face flushed bright red and she wrapped her arms around her midsection as Aragon laughed.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” Aragon chuckled.

Joan remained flustered for the rest of the short car ride. And then she was just embarrassed when they pulled up to the queen’s house and realized she was going to have to eat in front of them again. She was already preparing herself for the humiliation.

Weirdly, though, the house was empty when they walked in.

  “Everyone is out eating,” Aragon said, catching Joan’s confused expression. “So it’ll just be us.”

  “Oh… I’m sorry you had to miss that.”

Aragon waved a dismissive hand. “Nonsense. It’s quite alright. Now come help me reheat this lasagna.”

Half an hour later, they were eating. Except Joan just stared at her plate, wringing her hands anxiously in her shirt. Her stomach was dying for the freshly made lasagna, but she really didn’t want to add the calories to her already thick body.

  “Joan? Aren’t you going to eat?” Aragon asked.

  “Oh, uhh-- I’m not that hungry, actually.” Joan said.

  “But I thought you were earlier?”

  “That was earlier.” 

And then Joan’s stomach growled. Redness enveloped her face as she hunched her shoulders in and looked at the floor. Aragon gave her a sympathetic smile.

  “Eat, honey. Please.”

So Joan does eat. She eats more than she actually wanted and after four plates she feels stuffed and sick- both physically and mentally.

  “You really were hungry, huh?” Aragon mused, picking up Joan’s plate. Joan whimpered below her. Instantly, her maternal instincts flared to life. “Joan?” She knelt beside the chair and set a hand on Joan’s back. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Joan sobbed. She looked up at Aragon and tears were rapidly streaming down her cheeks.

  “Oh, sweetheart… Come here.” Aragon pulled Joan into her arms and the girl slid off the chair to be enveloped in them. She noted that Joan didn’t hug back, rather kept her hands firmly gripping her stomach. Things were starting to fall into place. “Shh, shh… It’s alright, baby. It’s alright.”

  “No, no,” Joan shook her head. “No, it’s not. It’s not, Catalina, I--” She practically screamed. “I hate myself so much.”

  “Joan…” Aragon helped Joan up so she could sit on the couch. The girl instantly curled into her upon sitting down. “Joan, honey, why? What’s wrong?”

  “I-I--” Joan cut herself off with a tight whine.

  “Is this about what Anne said?” Aragon asked.

Joan nodded with a feeble whimper.

Aragon looked absolutely enraged. “Goddamnit, that bitch--” She hissed. She pulled Joan against her firmly. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. This has been eating you up, hasn’t it?”

Joan nodded again. “It’s--it’s all I’ve been thinking about. It’s been killing me, Catalina, it’s been killing me…” She sobbed into Aragon’s chest. “A-and I know it’s stupid because I’m not overweight, not really, so I don’t have the right to complain, b-but--”

  “Oh no. Don’t you dare.” Aragon pushed Joan back and cupped her tear-stained face, making the girl look her in the eye. “Don’t you dare say that, Joan. You have every right to feel the way you do. You can be upset if you want to, regardless of your body type. You can be tall or short, black or white, skinny or fat- it isn’t just overweight people who have body image issues. So don’t be guilty over that, honey.” She brushed some hair out of Joan’s face. “But just know that the things you are thinking are not true.”

Joan pulled away and shook her head. “They are.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach again.

  “They are not.” Aragon said. “Joan, you are not fat.”

  “Yes I am!” Joan cried. “Have you SEEN my stomach? I’m fat, Catalina! I’m fat and gross and--” She dissolved into tears again.

  “I have seen your stomach, Joan.” Aragon said gently. “Am I supposed to be disgusted by it?”

Joan nodded, not looking at Aragon.

  “Why?”

  “B-because,” Joan stammered. “It’s ugly…”

  “Honey, you are not ugly.” Aragon said. “You are anything but ugly. You are very, very beautiful.”

Joan answered with only a tiny, “mmmm.”

Aragon pulled Joan back into her arms. Joan curled into them, her head finding its spot on her chest.

  “I don’t care about what you look like, baby. You’ll always be beautiful in my eyes. Not ugly or fat.” Aragon said.

  “P-please don’t say I’m not fat,” Joan begged quietly. “I-I can’t-- I can’t believe you. Not right now. It’s too-- I--”

  “Shh,” Aragon pressed her head underneath her chin. “I understand, honey. But just know my opinion will never change about you. You will always be my perfect girl.”

Joan sniffled. “R-really?”

  “Really.” Aragon confirmed.

Joan was quiet for a moment, then nodded. She finally hugged Aragon back, practically burying herself against the queen.

  “I-I don’t know how long it’ll take,” Joan whispered. “For me to not see myself the way I do…”

  “That’s alright,” Aragon said. “I’ll be here helping you every step of the way.”

  “Thank you.” Joan nuzzled into Aragon’s warmth. She winced when her stomach cramped. “I think I ate too much…”

  “Oh, my poor baby,” Aragon cooed. She lowered one hand and rubbed comforting circles against Joan’s belly. “I used to do this with Elizabeth, you know. She was such a fussy girl.” She chuckled. “Don’t tell her I told you that.”

Joan giggled. “Your secret is safe with me.” She leaned her head against Aragon’s chest and relaxed into the feeling gliding across her full stomach. “I can see why she liked this, though.”

  “Oh yeah?” Aragon smiled at her. “I’ll have to see if she still does, then. Ha, she would be so red!”

Another giggle. “She’d kill you.”

  “I’d like to see her try.”

Joan smiled slightly. Her hatred for her own body was still clouding her mind, and she knew she was going to continue to have problems over it in the near future, but it suddenly felt like they would be easier to deal with. She had someone who loved her, who thought she was perfect and beautiful, regardless of what she or her stomach looked like. 

Well. At least there was one good thing about having a soft, chubby tummy. More room to get belly rubs.

#six the musical #six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #joan on the keys #anne boleyn #catherine of aragon #jane seymour #katherine howard #catherine parr #anna of cleves #piggy's had too much wine #tw: body shaming #tw: body image #tw: self harm

[mangomochi-yn]

unexpected lovers [simple, really]

shiratorizawa. ushijima wakatoshi x reader

g. the softest fluff, im weak

tw. just mad ushi lovin   wc. 1.7k (holy das a lot..)

everything you do, i don’t know how, strikes a chord within me

on Wakatoshi

this one 

this one is well known for having basically one (1) constant thoughts only really

and that is— volleyball

(maybe some farming and the necessary school work every now and then)

but everyone knew not to expect more than that from him

except Ushijima really is still human, isn’t he?

on the rare moments he thinks of the future and is not ridden with being a pro volleyball player, he does think about one thing that go hand in hand with a nice farm

a family

and this happens once in a blue moon for him

literally twice a year at most

((once was when he sees a lovely sister and baby brother walk up to their parents during a small hanabi festival Tendou took him to, the scene of them all in yukatas gleaming at each other hit a chord in him for just a split second))

no it wasn't the confessions he would receive by the girls in his school, none of those fazed him

instead—for the second time that year—it was when he went to their school’s annual art exhibition with the rest of the vbc

((cause you KNOW that school is fancy enough to have a grand one))

he mainly went because they had to give up the gym early for art clubs to set up their works there too

but once he sees the all kinds of works lining the halls of the gym and 1st & 2nd floors of their school he would be lying if he said wasn’t astonished

it was his first time to attend one of his school’s annual art exhibition (despite being a third year)

((Tendou told him that this year’s was held shorter so he might be able to use the gym after they clean up))

(Semi scolds the red head for lying to him later)

but as they see how Ushijima’s gaze gleams just a little bit brighter that afternoon—they deemed the lie worth it

at least their captain might have one beautiful memory of highschool that wasn’t the sport he was so dedicated to

the various paintings, sculptures, photography, and many more works kept catching his eyes in amazement— just like a shy kid brought to a candy store

but it was deemed even more worth it once they pass by this table— a little bit smaller than the others— stationed in the second floor

in front of the classroom at the very end of the hall, furthest from the stairway 

there was a table filled with the randomest objects painted with different kinds of oil and water based paints

a pillow, glass cups, a broom and even a stop sign were colored vibrantly in display

while tendou and reon laugh at the painted broom, shirabu and semi stare at the stop sign, discussing about how it should have been illegal to take the government’s property off the streets

they were all loudly throwing comments and compliments at the bizarre trinkets but ushijima was the one silent— unwavering gaze at one object he was all too familiar with

“May I hold that one?”

the rest of the boys’ eyes finally snapped to the ace’s direction and all simultaneously their eyes widen comically, amazed by the object

“Holy crap how did they think of painting that?” Yamagata exclaims while Tendou was freaking out

“Wow... that is so cool.” Goshiki’s eyes sparkled as Semi and Shirabu nod in agreement

their captain was the quietest—and although that was common—even they could see how his eyes had a stunned look to it as he held the object in hand

a single painted volleyball

painted with all four seasons of the year angled in a way the colors lined with the ball’s stitching

in each patch were small silhouettes of people too— one was a lone man, then a couple playing walking hand in hand, a family of four by a swing set, then a couple again but with hunched backs and older looking statures this time

and at the last patch—a small pair of gravestones, with the wind blowing leaves on them

Ushijima hadn’t even noticed he was holding his breath as he gazed at each vibrant season

he only blinked again as Tendou rips the ball out of his grasp, fawning over it with the rest of the team

this was the second blue moon for him

the second time thoughts of love and family run across his head—and this time it wasn’t for a split second

his unexpected lover was a piece of art

—a piece of art that made something he held everyday seem so unfamiliar yet familiarly beautiful

as he scans the rest of the works laid on the table he finally notices the similar themes for each one of them too

the glass cups had wedding rings and white flowers painted delicately

the stop sign had two hands clasping on a car’s armrest, driving in a road at the side of a mountain

the pillow was painted like an ultrasound albeit having starking colors unlike the typical black and white—a vague silhouette of a baby was airily painted on it

and the broom

it was the simplest of them all

the broom had different sized hands plastered on it— one gruff and large, two pairs of dainty slim ones with one pair smaller, and the smallest one chubby and stout like a toddler’s

it reminded him of the family he saw on the hanabi festival he went to

and it was so fascinating

—how those few artworks had his heart beating a different pace and made his ears seem to hear clearer, more openly

he fell in love with them

and he couldn’t help but think of the person behind them as well— wanting to thank them for giving him this foreign but warm feeling

“Oh? You’re Ushijima-san from the volleyball club, right?”

a jolly voice snaps him out of his thoughts

matching the voice was you— with some paint stains on your face and a dirty apron tied to your front

you glanced around with a wide smile and see the rest of the vbc, making your smile even brighter

“Oh you guys are all here!”

the boys shift their attention to you as you drop your messy palette and brush on the chair behind you, bowing slightly as you tuck a hair behind your ear

“Ahh.. I see you guys saw what I stole from you.” 

you point towards the volleyball

Ushijima’s eyes stuck to it again

“I’m really sorry for stealing it! One of my assignments was to paint on a round object and the basketball was too rough while the baseball was too small!”

you clasp your hands for forgiveness and in the back of his head Ushijima was fascinated by how your personality seemed to match the vibrant paintings so perfectly

it was as if you were one of the paintings as well— he thought

“I just borrowed it really! You can definitely take it back and I’ll wash it if you’d like.”

the thought of washing away the masterpiece on the ball made Ushijima’s brows furrow

(although he never liked when the volleyballs they used were dirty, it irked him to even think of washing the one Semi was holding)

“What?! Definitely not, it’d be such a waste!” Tendou conveys the club’s mutual thoughts, all of them nodding along

“And we have a whole cart of volleyballs to practice with yknow? You keeping this one wouldn’t hurt.”

“Here.” Semi shoves the ball back to your chest 

((and secretly it displeases Ushijima how roughly the ball was handled))

“Eh? But really I didn’t even ask you guys first if I could have one before taking it...” —Tendou only shakes his head defiantly with his hands on his hips, not willing to take back the volleyball in your hands

“Really, you should keep it.. umm Painter-san. We could never take your artwork away from you.”—Goshiki says barely above a whisper 

and although you’re in awe at the club’s thoughtfulness, the guilt was still gnawing in the back of your head— wanting to give the volleyball to its rightful owner

so you glance and notice how their tall captain was silent— eyes staring straight into the volleyball in your arms and an idea pops in your head

“Ushijima-san, would you like to keep it? Think of it as a makeshift trophy of sorts, by your guys’ new biggest fan, Y/N.”

and his eyes snap up to yours, scanning to see if there was any trace of hesitation in them

the answer was clear as day to the rest of his teammates really

ever since you held the volleyball, their captain’s gaze hasn’t torn away from it

again like a shy child, this time staring a the last piece of candy— waiting for the okay to have it

“Yes, I would love to keep it.”

immediately his large hands carefully reach out for it

—a soft smile mirroring your large and bright one as you hand it to him

“I’ll be sure to keep it in my trophy case...” he lingers for a little bit before continuing his sentence

“And if you could please teach me how to properly care for and clean it? I would appreciate it very much.”

your eyes bug out as Tendou snickers uncontrollably at the side

“ushijima you sly dog” he says under his breath

all you could think of was how blunt the captain was, a deep blush stark on your cheeks

“Umm, yeah definitely! I can show you um.. when?”

“Tomorrow after practice would be the best if you are available.”

“For sure, Ushijima-san! I can wait by the gym after class.”

in your head you were thinking— the volleyball was varnished just a wipedown with a wet rag would be enough to keep it really

but as you stare the larger man in front of gaze gingerly at the volleyball, as if it was made of glass—

maybe he didn’t need to know that fact right away…, you decided

“Okay.” the same warm feeling floods through as he caresses each patch, longingly lingering at each silhouette

—after that it wasn’t just in a blue moon would Ushijima have those thoughts he never gave attention to before

as often as he saw you and your paintings he would think of thoughts like love and family

and sometimes—he noticed— he saw you in them with it

bonus— but thoughts are just thoughts really, would Ushijima ever actually act on them?

a/n. when i say ushijima is the loml i mean USHIJIMA👏 IS THE LOVE 💖❤️💕 OF MY LIFE 🗣

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi imagines #haikyuu!! #haikyuu headcanons

[promptswrites]

The Artificials / A short story

This is a short story I wrote some time ago, but only recently went through and edited.

(5.5k, scifi with just a dash of action and queer feels.)

xx

“I told you I’ll do it.”

A brief smile crosses Colonel Davie’s thin lips. He leans forward, pushes his elbows on the desk, and locks his fingers. “Look at you, Aden. That’s what I like to hear.”

It’s easy for this jackass to smile. He won’t be the one running head on to the enemy, no — he leaves it up to me. An Artificial. The Expendable. 

I scoff and turn away. “Sure. I’ll let you know how it goes.” 

As I make my way through his office, past the paintings and the maps and the huge collections of enemy helmets just collecting dust in big glass cabinets, Davie clears his throat. 

“This time, you’ll have a partner.”

My heart skips over a beat. I reach the door and stop, my brains repeating that last word like a stuck record player. 

A partner? For me? But— 

Davie laughs. His chair creaks, and heavy footsteps approach me. “It’s someone like you. I’m sure you’ll get along with it just fine.”

I don’t want to turn around but I do, and I meet Davie’s amused gaze. 

“Your mission requires two people,” he says, circles his desk, and leans his butt over the edge. He reaches into his chest pocket and pulls out a fat, brown cigar. “Or, well, not people. I wouldn’t risk my soldiers over this. That’s why it’s you two. Even if you die… Well, you know the drill.”

The familiar heat rises in my chest. I tense staring at him, at that smug face, as if he’s so much better than me just because every part of him came out of a womb. 

I didn’t ask for this. Any of this. Not to be made, not to be put in this body, not to fight in this stupid war. 

“Fuck you.” The words slip out before I can register them. “I’m flesh and blood, the same as you.”

Colonel Davie pulls out a lighter, snaps his finger across the wheel, and lights his cigar. The cocky look on his face never wavers as he exhales a thick cloud of smoke that smells as disgusting as his personality. “Are you?”

Whatever. 

“I’ll have someone let you know when I return,” I say, pushing out the door. 

“You’ll find your new partner from the armory,” Davie calls out, and I slam the door shut behind myself. His muffled voice yells: “You might find him familiar.”

xx

The guy in front of me is tall, probably half a head taller than I am. The arms that poke from the sleeves of his white tee are muscular, and I guess he’s the type of soldier who lives and breathes gym — and yet, when he looks down at me, he smiles the sweetest smile and offers me his hand. White paint, already dry, decorates the side of his palm.

“Hey,” he says. “Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot. I’m Kane June.”

With a polite smile, I grab his hand and shake it. “Aden May. Hopefully all things good?” 

‘Might find him familiar’? What the hell had Davie meant by that? This guy is a total stranger, and by the lively look in his eyes, he’s never been to a real battle before. He’s definitely never died before. How could I know him? 

Kane’s grin widens as he nods. He steps back as we let go of each other’s hands. “Dude, you’re like a legend to us down in the Third Floor. It’s an honor getting to go out with you.” 

The choice of words makes me laugh. “Let’s finish this mission first and we’ll see.” 

In a blink of an eye, his cheeks go from brown to red, and he falls back another step, lifting his hands up. “Shit, I mean, I don’t—”

“It’s okay, I know what you meant,” I say, still grinning, and turn to the rows of weapons on the wall. 

It’s unusually empty here in the armory — but figures, since the previous attack on the base killed more than twenty of us. Out of the five hundred specialists we started with over four years earlier, only seventy-six are still standing. 

It won’t be long until we lose. 

“So is this your first time out in the field?” I ask, glancing at Kane. He’s busy hiding his face in his hands. 

That’s… kind of cute. 

He nods, looking up. The blush on his cheeks is almost gone. “I wasn’t supposed to go today, either. I’m not done with my training yet.”

“Why did they make you come, then?” I ask, turning my focus back on the weapons, and swallow a sigh. 

A complete beginner on a mission our survival depends on. Davie really outdid himself. Does he want us both to die?

“The attack a few days ago,” Kane says. “They sent everyone out to defend the base. You’re the only Expendable who came back, right?” 

I pick a modified pistol from the rack. The faces of the others flash in my head, bleeding and screaming and dying—

A shiver runs down my back and I force the memory out. 

No matter. They’ll be reinserted into new bodies and come back. Probably tomorrow or the day after, with eyes that are a little bit deader than before. 

“That’s why,” Kane continues. “But you don’t need to worry about me. I was the top of my class. Outdid most the humans in every task. I’m not saying I’m as good as you, or will ever be, ’cause I mean… You’re a legend. But I can handle myself.”

I turn to face Kane, forcing a smile on my lips.

He stands there, such an innocent drive in his dark brown eyes. He doesn’t know anything yet, that much is certain. And after seeing what it’s really like out there, he will wish he had stayed oblivious.

But that’s not why they created us. People like the two of us aren’t here to be happy. 

Our bodies are expendable. Even if we die, we’ll never stay that way. Illness, bombing, suicide, it doesn’t matter; our suffering will never end because they’ll always bring us back, again and again, until we finally go crazy and destroy our code from the inside. They force us into living and dying for a world that doesn’t give a shit about artificials like us. It doesn’t matter our bodies, borrowed from the dead soldiers, are flesh and blood; our consciousness is fake, created from lines of code and a bunch of numbers. To them, we are nothing. 

“When were you supposed to graduate?” I ask. 

“A week from now.”

At least he isn’t a complete beginner.

I hand him the gun. It has an extended clip; God knows he might need the extra ammo. “You know how to use it, right?”

He nods and pushes the gun down the holster on his waist. “Like I said, I can handle myself.”

“We’ll see,” I say, and pause before continuing. “Hey, uh… This is a weird question, but you have any hobbies?”

He laughs, lifting his hand up to the back of his neck. “That’s fine. I mean, yeah, I guess. I like drawing. And painting, though I always make a huge mess. Why?”

“No reason,” I say and turn back to the weapons. “Get ready. We gotta leave the second it gets dark.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” There is a grin in his voice. 

Eventually, he’ll lose joy in everything. We all do; it’s only a matter of time until the truth gets to him. That there’s no hope for beings like us.

But right now, he’s innocent. Happy. Full of life.

I smile as I watch him bend over and tie his shoes, but a coldness creeps up my chest. My smile fades. 

He won’t stay happy for long. 

Nobody does. 

xx

“We should wait.”

I lift an eyebrow at Kane. In the blinding darkness, it’s only my night vision lenses allowing me to see him. 

He nods towards the open yard between us and the lone warehouse. It’s the size of a garage — inconspicuous by design to hide the fact it shelters some of the most important data known to man. Davie won’t tell me what exactly, because why on earth would an artificial need to know that? But it is the type of information that would help us even the playing field.

Behind the warehouse sits one of the tens of massive wooden barracks. Which enemy they belong to, I don’t know, but that doesn’t matter. What I know is that they’re filled to brim with soldiers, both human and artificial alike, ready to kill us both if things go wrong. 

“Doesn’t it seem too convenient to you?” Kane asks. “Where’s the security? All the soldiers? The dogs?” 

“You’re saying it’s a trap?” I whisper, eyeing the warehouse. 

“Could be,” he says. “I think we should wait and see what happens.”

I check the watch on my wrist; it’s already fifteen to five in the morning. Fifteen minutes until the whole base will wake up. Half an hour until the sun will rise. 

And if we go back empty-handed for no good reason, we’ll both get in deep trouble. 

If we wait and lose our only chance...

“Stay here. I’ll go get the case,” I say, giving my new partner a look. The words make him tense. “If it turns out to be a trap, head back to base. Let Davie know.” 

“But you’ll—”

“Be reinserted,” I interrupt. “They’ve got a ton of bodies ready, and my memory was backed up a few hours ago. I’ll be fine.” 

Kane’s lips draw back. He stares at me, his breathing picking up. 

“Don’t forget what we are,” I say, keeping my voice stern. “This is what we do. It’s not my first time losing a body.”

“You mean dying.”

“Call it whatever you want. I’ll be back in a few days.”

“But it’s still painful, isn’t it? And you’ll remember it?” His tone borders desperate as he takes me by the wrist. “I really think we should—”

I snatch my arm back. 

Kane flinches. His eyes widen on me and his mouth opens, but he doesn’t say a word. 

The hurt expression on his face is like a dagger to my gut, but this is the only way, because he’s right. It will hurt and I will remember it, and I don’t want him to go through that. 

If he can just hold on to that innocence for a little while longer… 

I stand up. “Stay here. That’s an order. If something happens, head straight back to base and tell Colonel Davie. Don’t wait for me or try to help.”

Before Kane can argue, I turn around and jog off, an invisible fist squeezing my insides. 

This is why I don’t work with others. To send them to their deaths, to watch them go through that indescribable hell of a slow, painful death, just to meet them again a couple of days later… 

Their bodies are always different, but you can always tell who it is by the haunted look in their eyes. The eyes that lose more and more of their sparkle each time they get reinserted. 

Kane’s eyes are still alive. 

An artificial consciousness or not, he is alive, in body, mind, and spirit alike, and he deserves better than this. 

So I cross the yard to the warehouse; dig into my pocket and pull out the little device I can’t understand but can open any electric lock with; push it against the reader by the side of the heavy door and wait for the click. 

The door unlocks. I pocket the device and pull it open. 

There’s another click—

Shit. 

My heart rushes to my throat and I spin around, swinging myself forward just as the bomb goes off. Something heavy hits my back and slams me to the gravel. 

For a moment, I can’t breathe. My body is on fire and every single cell inside me screams and trembles as hot waves of pain rush up and down my back. 

I’m not sure if I’m screaming, too. 

I roll onto my side. The pain flares in my back with the movement and I close my eyes, fighting the nausea rumbling in my gut. I let the back of my head hit the ground. Terror traps my breath and crushes my chest, and I squeeze my eyes shut tighter.

The ringing in my ear subsides and the blaring alarm takes over. A yell rips through the air. Gunshots follow it. 

Tears rush down my cheeks. The sobs don’t sound mine as they escape my throat. 

“Aden!” Kane screams. 

A hand takes me by the cheek. I lift my eyelids just enough to see the blurry outline of his face above mine. 

“Aden, come on, get the hell up!” 

Why? Why is he here? I told him to—

“I’m not leaving you behind! If you’re going to die here, both of us are going to die here,” he yells over the ringing of the guns and the blaring of the alarm. His eyes are on the enemy. “But I really, really don’t want to die here, so get the hell up!” 

I stare at him, unable to get my tongue moving. A warmth spreads in my chest but it, too, hurts, bringing tears to my already blurring eyes. 

What an idiot! Risking himself like this, and for what? Me? For a guy who has already died and been reinserted twelve times? A guy whose eyes have been dead for a long time already?

There’s nothing that’ll make me emptier than I already am. 

But Kane holds onto me tighter while exchanging bullets with the enemy I can’t be bothered to look at. There is a fire in his eyes, one filled with life and love and longing for something better. 

And I remember that look. 

The memory makes me pause. It’s from such a long time ago, he’s nothing but a hazy memory — one that I push away as soon as it surfaces. 

Doesn’t matter. 

Right now, this version of him is here, and everything about him screams a will to live. 

I can’t let him lose that. 

Especially not for my sake. 

“You idiot,” I manage to croak. Blood drips down the side of my head and splashes on the gravel. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he says, grabbing my arm. “Come on. I’ll carry you.”

xx

“You feeling okay?” Kane asks. My room is barely big enough for a bed and a desk, but somehow, Kane managed to fit a chair by my bed. 

I sigh. “Peachy. You know, I might be the first artificial person to ever get dragged back from a battlefield.”

“That’s what I don’t get,” he says. “We’re people too. We should be protected just like the ones without a chip for consciousness.”

The grin that spreads on my lips is involuntary. I close my eyes. 

Some day, he’ll know better than to wait for that sort of miracle. 

Kane shifts on his chair. “It’s fucked up. Why is it like this? Why can’t we be equals with them?”

“Because they created us,” I say. “People can’t even accept other humans as equal. You really think they’d think lines of code are as valuable as they are? To them, we’re just smart, immortal weapons.” 

He huffs. “Maybe right now, but who knows what the future brings?” 

I open my mouth to reply when the door to my room clicks and opens. I push myself on my elbows, but a sharp spike of pain makes me grunt and fall back down. I squeeze my eyes shut and lift my hands up to my face as the pain burns me to my core—

“Take it easy,” Kane whispers. He lays a hand on my chest. “Breathe. You’ll be okay.”

The plethora of curses slip past my lips. “Yeah, I’m fucking trying—”

“Have you two forgotten your manners?” Davie’s harsh voice calls from the doorway. 

Great.

Kane shoots up to his feet so fast his chair tips over. The clatter echoes around the room. “No, sir. I’m sorry, sir. Welcome,” he says and bows.

“At ease,” Davie says and steps further in. Now, I can see him, too—he’s holding a thin file in hand—and as our eyes meet, he nods. “Aden.”

“What the hell are you doing here? I don’t remember inviting you,” I say. My voice is tense as the pain throbs around my spine, and I can’t give two shits about what this asshole of a human being thinks of me. “Got all your other soldiers killed so you had to come down here yourself?”

Kane shoots me a horrified glance. Most likely, he has never seen an Expendable talk back to a human, especially not a human of as high ranking as Davie, but that’s not my problem. 

This is my room, and this dick is the last person I want to see. 

“You have always been an exceptional soldier,” Davie says, his eyes narrowing on me. “That is why I’ve let you get away with things nobody else ever would’ve. Your disrespectful attitude, for example. But I am getting very tired of you.” 

Well, that’s a threat. 

Does he still think he has the power to hurt me? That there is something he can do that would make my existence any more miserable than it already is?

But he’ll never leave if I keep pissing him off, so I sigh and nod. “Sorry.” 

Davie doesn’t look satisfied, but he takes a step further in and waves the file in the air. “These are the results of your medical examination. Your injuries are severe, to say the least.”

There is a question in Kane’s eyes as his gaze travels between me and Davie, but he doesn’t ask it out loud. 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out his question, though. 

What now?

“It is treatable, yes, but even with the best doctors and extensive physical therapy, it would take several months for you to be able to fight again. Years, most likely,” Davie says and tosses the file onto my bed. “See for yourself.”

“No need.” I flash him a sarcastic smile. “I can feel it just fine.” 

“Suit yourself,” Davie says. “You know what this means.”

Even a child knows what it means. 

Even if they could wait that long for this body to get back in fighting order, they wouldn’t waste such precious resources on an Expendable. Even our bodies are from the fallen soldiers, for hell’s sake; because we are not important enough to waste precious metals on. Why would they waste time and medicine on us when there are plenty of usable corpses coming in every single week; when they can simply kill the body and transfer us?

“I’ll contact the lab,” Davie says and turns for the door. “I’ll have them prepare a new body for you, and—”

“What? No!” Kane snaps. 

Davie stops and turns his widening gaze to Kane. So do I.

He’s breathing shallow and fast, a different kind of fire in his eyes — he’s glaring at Davie, unafraid and strong, his entire body tensing. 

He’s just like him. The man from those hazy memories. 

Was that what Davie had meant by ‘familiar’? Is there something more to him and I? 

“He is not some mindless puppet you can force into this! Into dying whenever it’s most convenient for you!” Kane yells. By the look on his twisting face, it’s a surprise he doesn’t shove Davie into the wall. “He’s not some robot! He’s a human, just like you, and you can’t treat him like—”

A slap across the cheek shuts him up. 

Davie grabs Kane by the collar of his shirt so hard it rips from the seam, and yanks him closer. 

Kane’s eyes widen, but as he blinks, the shock disappears and the burning anger rises in its place.

“Do not speak to me like that,” Davie snarls. His tone is beyond a threat — it’s a promise. “You hear me, soldier?”

“Yessir,” Kane hisses through clenched fists and gritted teeth. 

I stare at the two, frozen in place, my heart pounding in my sore chest.

What the hell is Kane doing? Doesn’t he know what happens to disobedient Expendables? He can’t be this stupid!

Davie releases Kane with a shove, scoffs, and heads for the door. “I’ll send someone in to finish that body. And Kane…” He stops at the door to look at him, icy hatred in his gaze. “You better behave when they come. I have deleted your kind for less.”

Davie steps outside and slams the door shut. As the echo of the blam fades, a second passes in silence. 

Then another. 

And another—

Before Kane drops down on his chair, groaning, and pushes his hands up against his face so hard, his cheeks mush into his eyes. “God. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. It’s just… This...” He falls quiet with another frustrated groan. 

I watch him, something weird spreading in my chest. Something I can’t figure out. 

Why does he care so much about what happens to me? 

“This is wrong,” he finally says, drops his hands, and meets my gaze. There are tears in his eyes. 

The sight makes my lungs trap my breath. 

“This is wrong! It’s like we’re worth nothing but what we can do for them!” he continues. Frustration and anger boil in his tone. “I know I’m new, but I want more. I want to be more than their weapon who lives and dies when they want it! And I hate that I can’t have any of it. How is this fair? We’re just like them! Fuck!”

He slams his hands on his knees and doubles, hiding his face into his hands. 

I stare at him, a lump in my throat, knowing I should say something, but what even is there? 

I’m sorry? It’ll be okay? Don’t cry? 

Those are just bunch of meaningless words. 

But I have to try. 

“It’s okay,” I say.

“Sorry.” Kane lifts his gaze back up to me and laughs weakly. Tears glimmer in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I just… I hate this. You know? Hate they can use us like this. But what do I know?” He pauses to draw in a deep breath. “You’re the expert here, and I’m a newbie who just got out of his first assignment. So if you say it’s okay, that this isn’t that bad, then…” 

Don’t, I want to say. Don’t believe me.

He forces a smile. Though he tries, it isn’t enough to mask the defeat in his eyes. “Then, I’ll believe you.” 

Those words, that look… 

My heart wrenches. 

And from the bottom of it, I want to tell him that it is indeed okay, that dying and coming back is really not that bad and I’m used to it — to save the innocence in his eyes and let him be happy for a little while longer. To face tomorrow with the same joy and honest optimism I’d seen in those same eyes half a day earlier. 

To not cry for me. 

But this isn’t okay, and if I tell him that it is, if I lie to him, it’ll only hurt more when it’s him lying on the ground, bleeding to a meaningless death. 

Yet, there is no other choice, because I won’t be the one to destroy that innocence. I can’t be.

He is all I’ve lost. All I can never regain. And if he can remain happy for a week, a day, or, hell, even an hour longer, the lie is worth it. 

Tears rise to my eyes as I force a smile that rips my heart in two. “You know, it’s actually not that—”

“We could run away.”

His words stop me dead on my tracks. 

Kane lifts his gaze to me. There it is again — that fire in his eyes, that drive to live and find something better. He wipes the tears away and nods. “We can,” he says, and he is so sure of his words that my heart beats a little faster. 

Could we? 

“I mean it,” he says. “We can just get up and leave. They’re not gonna waste soldiers on trying to find us.” 

I stare at him, unable to utter a word. 

Running away. 

It’s been a long time since I last thought about that. 

“I know you’re injured, but we can do it,” he continues. His words come out faster and faster as desperation and excitement grow in his tone. “I’ll steal a wheelchair, or— or I’ll carry you on my back, or whatever you need! But we can do it. I swear, we can.”

“Why?” is all I can ask. 

He smiles, looking like he thinks I’m an idiot. “Because you deserve better than this.”

I scoff. It’s unfair for him to use my own thoughts against myself. 

“Also, don’t think I’m stupid. I saw it in your eyes out there, when you pushed me away and went out on your own,” he continues. “You didn’t want me to get hurt, right? But it would’ve gotten us both in trouble to come back empty-handed, so you went ahead and sacrificed yourself.” 

A heat rises to my cheeks. I can’t help the laugh. “I didn’t know I was so easy to read.”

“So I’m right?” he asks. 

I hesitate. 

The truth will hurt him. It will. But he isn’t an idiot, and I can’t keep lying to him after he’s already figured out the truth.

So I close my eyes. 

“Dying, it’s… It’s agony.” My voice is a whisper as the words fight me. “It leaves you scarred and empty and terrified of it happening again, and the worst part is… You know it will. That there’s no ending it. No matter how many times you die, you’ll always come back. And I… I didn’t want you to go through it.”

Kane’s breathing picks up. “How many times have you…?”

“Twelve.”

“Shit.”

Warm fingers curl around mine. I open my eyes to look at him sitting right there next to me. The fire in his gaze is warm now. It’s hopeful and confident and kind, and a part of me melts — a part I had forgotten exists. 

“So what do you say?” he asks. “If we run, neither of us will have to worry about dying again. We can go somewhere safe.”

“If we get caught, they’ll reset us,” I remind him, even though I’m not sure I fear that possibility. 

That fire in him... 

My heart picks up the pace. 

What if he’s right? What if we could run? 

“And if we stay, we’ll never be anything but their slaves to live and die at their command,” Kane says. “I really think it’s worth the risk. We either make it or nothing changes.” 

I don’t let the rushing of my heart show. “Where could we even go?”

“Well, I heard they aren’t fighting in Iceland.”

I can’t help the burst of laughter. It sends a flare of pain down my gut, turning my laughing into airy gasps as I squeeze my eyes shut once more. 

“Iceland, huh?” I manage. “That’s— That’s a long way from here.”

Kane’s hold of my hand tightens as the grin on his lips widens. “It’s just a hop and a skip and a boat-ride away. I heard they’re taking refugees from all over the world, and they have no laws regarding artificial people. Aden, we could be real people there. There’d be no more this— This, dying and fighting and being all miserable. And I know I’m a newbie who has no idea what it’s like, but out there today with you? I saw enough. I don’t want this, and I know you don’t want it either. When that warehouse blew up… You were screaming and I was terrified. And that asshole’s just gonna kill you? Put you through all that agony like you’re worth nothing, after everything you’ve done for him? To hell with that! We deserve better. You deserve better.”

The pain eases and I lift my gaze to him. Thar confident, hopeful glimmer in his dark brown eyes makes me smile. 

How could I ever kill that sparkle? 

“Okay,” I say, and it’s the easiest word I’ve ever said. 

Kane gasps, snapping upright. “That’s—”

“But,” I interrupt, “let’s wait for me to get into my new body first. After that, we have to get out and destroy our backups. I mean, what good does it do if we’re killed somewhere out there and just get reborn here again?” 

He furrows his brows at me, though the excitement never really disappears. “Are you sure? About the new body, I mean.”

“My back’s broken. I can barely wiggle my toes. If we want to go, I need a new one.”

“But what about the pain and the scars and—”

“It’ll be different this time,” I say, slip my hand out of his grasp, and smack him across the forehead. “Because it’s for me. Not them.” 

A shy smile rises on Kane’s lips. He nods. “If you’re sure. Tell me what I need to do.”

xx

“Did you know that we were designed to yearn freedom?” Kane asks. He lies next to me, his hands behind his head as a pillow. “I saw it when I hacked in to delete our files.” 

Waves beat against the sides of the ship in a rhythm I never want to end. Chatter echoes from somewhere far away, but here, on this empty, dark deck at the rear of the massive ship, there’s no one but us. The milky way crosses the pitch black sky, and I realize this is the first time I’ve ever seen it. 

I keep my gaze on the sea of stars. “Well, that came back to bite them in the ass.” 

Kane sighs. “It kinda makes me wonder how real I am. Do I only want this because they designed me to want this?” 

A smile grows on my lips. I roll over onto my side, closer to him. “You think too much. But the answer is no.” 

He turns a bit more sideways and faces me, a grin crossing his face. “You sound sure.”

“I am,” I say, shrugging as well as my position lets me. “You were the one who said it first. We’re people, just like them. Who cares what they designed us to be? We already defied it.” 

He lifts an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

In the darkness, his eyes are almost black; and as gorgeous as the stars are, I don’t want to turn my gaze from him.

I clear my throat. 

Focus, Aden. 

“I mean, we were designed to be the perfect soldiers,” I say. “We were designed to fight, to yearn to win the war, to find that sort of freedom. We weren’t meant to disobey our leaders or run away. We weren’t designed to do any of that, and yet, here we are.” 

I roll onto my back, lifting my gaze up to the stars. 

They really can’t compare to his eyes. 

Kane’s voice is soft as he laughs. “Okay, yeah, since you put it that way. Maybe I do think too much.” 

“You most definitely do.”

“But why did we start disobeying them?” he asks. “And when? They’re our creators, so couldn’t they nip it in the bud? Make changes to our code and that’s that?”

I shrug. “Maybe they just don’t care. As long as people keep dying, they can make more of us, so even if a few disobey and run, it’s no issue.”

“Huh,” Kane says. “That makes sense. I guess.”

Silence falls on us. 

It’s been a long time since I could lie down and watch the stars like this. So long, I don’t even want to think back to it. 

The memories of my first lives are hazy. Back when I was nothing but a thing, an object only practicing independent thought, decades before the war ever started. 

But no matter how hazy my memories are, I remember him. In another body, yes, but I remember a man just like him by my side. A man with the same fire in his eyes, the same kindness in his tone, and the same need for freedom. A man who taught me hope. A man who made my smile a little brighter and my heart beat a little faster.  

Was this designed? 

Kane moves closer to me. He brings his hand to my palm and curls his fingers around mine. I smile and return the hold as my heart fills with something he’d reminded me I could feel. 

Nah. 

There is no way anyone could design a feeling like this. 

I turn my head to sneak a glance at him, but his eyes are already on me. 

He grins. “You look happy. Relaxed.”

“You too,” I say. 

“Well, I am,” he says. “Nobody’s gonna force us into anything ever again. And when we die, we’ll die. There’s no code to bring us back to that hell anymore. And Iceland’s only a few more hours away. We made it. What’s there to worry or feel shitty about? And yeah, anything could happen, but whatever waits for us in Iceland… It’s gotta be better than what we had.” 

My smile widens. I trace my thumb over the top of his hand. “By the way, you gotta teach me how to paint.”

“Seriously?” he asks and melts into an innocent little laugh. “Sorry. Sure. I’d be happy to. I just didn’t take you for the type that’d enjoy something like that.”

“Honestly, me neither,” I say. “But who knows? I’ve never gotten the chance to try it, or anything else, really. So... I want to find out what I like.”

Kane’s eyes light up as he smiles, and I swear my heart can’t take it. 

“You’ll figure it out,” he says, nudging closer to me. His voice is soft. “You’re free now.”

I can feel a heat rise on my cheeks. I touch my forehead against his and close my eyes. 

Thank you.

#I literally could not find a good way to end this #but ehhhhhh #whatever #my writing #short story #scifi #speculative fiction #writeblr #action #whump #lgbtq #queer

[angelbabyszn]

Homecoming (Cesar X Reader)

OMB Masterlist

B/F/N = Best Friend

H/C = Hair Color 

F/C = Favorite Color 

F/S = Favorite Sport

"Y/N!" said B/F/N, your best friend screaming and running up at you as you were eating lunch while being on your phone. You jumped by her voice.

"Oh my gosh, what? You scared me." you said while catching your breath. B/F/N sits down right next to you with their lunch.

"Have you heard?" said B/F/N excitingly.

"Heard what?" you said confused.

"About homecoming! It's in two weeks! We need to go shopping after school!" said B/F/N excitedly.

"Wait what? In two weeks?! I swear they don't tell us anything at this school." you said and you rolled your eyes and then ate some of your fruit you got with your lunch.

"Yeah! This is why we exactly have to go shopping after school!" said B/F/N.

"B/F/N, we got F/S practice after school today." you said and your best friend lost their excitement.

"Aw man. We can't skip today?" said B/F/N with an upset face.

"No. The homecoming game is next Friday." you said and B/F/N cross their arms with a pout face.

"Great. You just ruined my excitement." said B/F/N and you shook your head while starting to eat your sandwich.

"Ruby, just stop." 

You looked up and saw Cesar laughing with his friends while eating lunch at a table not that far from yours. You rolled your eyes and started to drink your water.

"You're just going to ignore the fact that he's right there." said B/F/N and you spit your water out and start to cough. You turn back and look at B/F/N after getting your breath back again. 

"What? What do you mean? What fact are you talking about?" you said innocently hoping not to get caught.

"Girl, you know what I'm talking about. Don't play me." said B/F/N and she took a bite of her pineapple cut in little pieces with her fork.

You shake your head and then you look at Cesar talking to his friends.

"You think he's going to homecoming?" asked B/F/N and they took another bite of a pineapple chunk and you turned and looked at them crazy.

"No." you said and laughed at the fact that your best friend thinks that Cesar is going to homecoming.

"He might." said B/F/N and her jaw dropped a bit after turning her head to see Cesar and Monse getting close to each other.

You look at what B/F/N was looking at. You felt a little pain to your heart making B/F/N look at you concerned.

"You okay?" asked B/F/N slowly and you turned back to them and nodded.

"I'm fine. I'm...completely over him." you said and glance at Cesar and Monse. B/F/N took a glance of Cesar and looked back at you still concerned.

"I'm telling the truth. I'm fine. He has his own life and I got mine. We are not meant to be together. He's just another boy." you said while getting up from the table with your lunch.

"Let's go to science." you said and B/F/N follow you with their lunch, throw the lunches away and start walking to class.

While you and B/F/N were walking to class, you didn't know that Cesar was staring at you with your signature H/C hairstyle.

Cesar was concerned because you were leaving without knowing where you were going. Cesar looked down and shook his head and started to head to his next class of the day.

-

"Again, why am I still on the team?" asked B/F/N and you giggled as you two walked down the stairs outside exiting the school building.

"Cause you're amazing and you love me so you decided to push through so I don't be lonely on this team." you said with a smile. Both of you walked to the bench that was right next to the basketball court to wait for your parents to pick you up.

You dropped your bag right next to you on the ground and you sat down on the bench. B/F/N does the same.

You start to go on your phone and start to text your mom that you're done with practice.

B/F/N turn their head to the left and their eyes widened when they see Cesar playing basketball with some of the basketball players. B/F/N turns back to see her mom pulling up.

"See you, Y/N." said B/F/N as they grabbed their practice bag and got up from the bench.

"See you." you said looking up from your phone and B/F/N entered the car and pulling away.

You sighed and you sat back on the bench waiting for your mom to pick you up.

A few minutes later, you were listening to music with your earbuds still waiting on your mom to get here while playing on your phone. You didn't realize that Cesar was walking closer and closer to you as he was talking to some of the basketball team.

Cesar got pushed forward and got closer to you by one of the basketball players. Cesar quickly gets nervous and slowly starts to walk up to you.

Still not knowing, you were still playing games on your phone while listening to music. Cesar sat down and turned to give you the biggest grin on his face.

You felt somebody looking at you. You looked up from your phone and turned your head to the right to see Cesar looking at you with a grin.

"Oh my gosh. It's Cesar. Stay calm and stay cool. You got this. Don't make me think that you have a crush on him." you thought as you looked at him from a moment. You lower your music on your phone and pull out your right earbud to give him attention.

"Hey Cesar. What's up?" you said in a confident and calm voice and Cesar gained a pink blush. It honestly surprised you at the moment that you didn’t stutter at all. 

"Nothing." said Cesar and he turned away to get rid of his blush.

You got concerned and tried to get a view of him while he was turned away. 

"So homecoming is coming up...are you going?" you asked shyly with a small sweet smile on your face.

"Well..." said Cesar and he looked down to the ground and put his left hand behind the back of his neck.

"It's fine if you don't. I was just wondering." you said kinda upset and you saw your mom's car pulling up.

"Got to go! See you later, Cesar!" you shouted as you got up from the bench, grabbed your practice bag, and jogged up to your mom’s car.

You got in and as you were pulling away in the car, you saw Cesar getting up and started to chase after you. He stopped as you got father and farther away from him in the window.

You tried to get one last glance of Cesar but failed. You sat back down facing forward in the passenger seat to go home.

-

"Girl, hurry up. You literally only get dressed up for 4 hours." said B/F/N sitting at the edge of your bed bored while you were in the bathroom getting ready.

The homecoming dance was today. Freeridge won yesterday at the homecoming game. Somehow, Jamal got on the football team and got our winning touchdown. Everybody in that stadium was shocked that he made that touchdown. It was definitely made in one of the highlights of the year. 

You were doing your last finishing touches on your outfit to homecoming. You were wearing a sparkly custom-made F/C short dress with matching shoes and jewelry. Your hair was down and straight.

You honestly hope Cesar wasn't there because you don't know what you will do if he was there. Also he got nominated so go figure. Just because every single girl likes him. Typical movie stuff.

"Girl, if Cesar doesn't notice you, then he's blind." said B/F/N looking at you in awe. 

"Sis, you know he's not going to be there. I know that for a fact. He doesn't seem like the guy who would do these school events." you said as B/F/N as both of you walked out of your house and got into the car.

"Whatever you say girl. Now let's go!" said B/F/N and your mom starts driving both of you to homecoming.

-

15 minutes later, you arrive at school and you and your best friend enter the gym to see people dancing, eating, getting photos done and grinding on each other.

"Ew. This is homecoming. Not a club." you said disgusted as you see a couple getting too close to each other and start making out.

"Y/N, this is Freeridge. Everybody gets freaky here." said B/F/N and you rolled your eyes. You hate that saying every time. 

B/F/N turns their head to the side to see their crush sitting with his friends.

"Well I'm going to shoot my shot tonight." said B/F/N as they turned back to you and got close to your ear.

"Looks like I'm not coming home tonight." whispered B/F/N and you gain a disgusted face. 

"B/F/N!" you said with an open mouth.

"Yeah Y/N, there you go! That's going to be you with Ces-"

"GET OUT OF HERE!" you screamed and B/F/N laughed while going to their crush. You shake your head and then you walk over to Ruby and Jamal.

"Hey guys." you said and they both looked at you and smiled.

"Hey Y/N." they both said in sync and you two started talking and then you started to feel somebody was looking at you.

"Y/N...I think somebody wants to talk to you." said Ruby while looking and pointing in a direction.

You looked at the direction Ruby was pointing at and you see Cesar all dressed up with his hair combed. Cesar just looked at you in awe in your homecoming dress. Cesar looked down and put half of his hands inside of his pockets and looked at you again with puppy eyes.

"What am I going to do with him?." you thought while rolling your eyes with a grin. You slowly started to walk to him as Ruby and Jamal stared at what was going on. 

No Guidance by Chris Brown was on and you moved on beat with the music as you walked up to Cesar.

You finally got in front to him and you smell his cologne. You looked at him with a smile. He opened his mouth but no words came out. He finally found his words and tried to talk to you again.

"Hey Y/N. I-"

"Hey Cesar." said Monse coming over. You looked down and looked back up at Cesar with Monse holding his left arm with both of her arms. 

"Hey Y/N. I like your dress." said Monse with a smile and you did a small smile.

"Thanks." you said shyly and you looked at Cesar who gave you an uncertain  look.

"See you guys later. Have fun." you said with a fake smile and you quickly walk away from them.

You went outside of the gym and you quickly ran to an indoor bench and you sat on it.You took deep breaths as you thought of what happened just now.

You sighed and then you bend down and you put your hands on your face. Five minutes later, you felt somebody sitting right next to you.

"Y/N?" asked a familiar voice and you looked up and turned your head to see Cesar looking concerned and hurt.

"Are you okay?" said Cesar while you fixed yourself.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" you said with a fake smile.

Cesar starts to look at you deeply and you noticed.

"Cesar, what are you-"

Cesar started kissing you, stopping what you were going to say. The kiss was passionate and your heart started to melt with the feeling of being kissed.

Cesar slowly separated from kissing you after a minute later.

"Y/N, I really like you a lot. I didn't know what I was doing. You make me so nervous like I can't talk to you regularly. You make me want to be better and not be a part of this gang again. I love you so much." said Cesar confessing and you quickly kissed him to answer his question.

"I love you too." you said stuttering but happily. Both of you start to stare into each other's eyes and kiss once again becoming the best night ever. 

#cesar diaz imagine #cesar diaz x reader #onmyblock #onmyblockimagines #on my block x reader #on my block imagine #cesardiaz

[mgnifiqueyoo]

“Run Away” - THEORY

"YEONJUN : RESIDENT OF A DIFFERENT WORLD"

TXT Storyline - Part 2 of ???

(a/n: I rewatched the Run Away mv and im confused. I will literally sacrifice my brain for TXT fhkdjcdk. This is the second part of my theory series for TXT's mvs and im pretty sure it will not end early since there are more mvs to come and more migraines to attack me.)

(another a/n: I will clarify things in here better than my theory before because I theorized that thirty minutes after I woke up lmao help.)

0:08 - 0:22 - In the first scene, we see Beomgyu looking all troubled. His facial expression showed a mixture of being confused, lost, and frustrated. As I stated in the previous summary, Beomgyu is a sociopath but he also has the real side of him that rarely ever showed up. In this scene, he shows that side (lonely, regretful, lost, etc.).

0:22 - 0:28 - In this scene, Yeonjun is cutting up a square-shaped hole in his notebook. It also shows that he has a cut on his thumb and he also owns a small stuffed toy that was lying beside his notebook.

This particular scene honestly made me confused but in my understanding, I think the toy was like a symbol of his youth.

Or for some reason, it made me think that the toy was representing either him or Beomgyu.

0:29 - 0:37 - Hueningkai is vandalizing the school road with a yellow and blue chalk = representation of his youth. The sketch somewhat represents a lightning.

My dumb ass knows that yellow and blue are like TXT's colors for that album but I JUST HAD TO RESEARCH WHAT DOES THE TWO COLORS MEAN? (I'm an overthinker, I know)

Yellow = mind, intellect, optimism, and cheerfulness. But it also meant impatience, criticism, and cowardice.

Blue = trust, peace, loyalty, and integrity. But also means conservatism and frigidity.

The meaning of the colors reflects to Hueningkai's character in the "Can't You See Me?" MV perfectly.

0:37 - 0:44 - Soobin (like in the CYSM MV) is alone in the classroom (probably with Yeonjun). I took a long ass glance at the whiteboard Soobin was drawing on.

We see the stuffed toy = Yeonjun (or Beomgyu dhcbjcb) Cats = reference to previous song "Cat and Dog" A shark = ??? A door = the concept lmao Fire = The thing that will happen later on (or BTS jvfhj)

So UM- hELLO??? THERE'S THE WORD FIRE ON THE WHITEBOARD???

Something tells me that Soobin knows what's about to happen...

0:45 - 0:55 - We see Taehyun flexing his airpods bc tXt rIch aND priVilEGED- I MEAN jkdfnj

lmao back to the topic, Taehyun takes off his airpods and stands in the middle of the school halls. He closes his eyes as if he was vibing to music or he sees a vision...

Could it be a vision from the future?

0:56 - 0:59 - Soobin takes a look at his drawing and puts on red filtered glasses. He, then, sees symbols that move around his sketch of the "door".

It's either Soobin knows the other world or Soobin knows what the future beholds.

1:15 - 1:21 - We see Beomgyu putting a band-aid over Yeonjun's cut.

mHm- This was Beomgyu's pretentious act of kindness towards Yeonjun since this clearly connects with the idea of Beomgyu's sociopathic intentions.

It is said that when a person is manipulative, they most likely don't physically appear scary.

They appear as the nicest and softest people.

Very much alike with Beomgyu's character. (ARE WE SURE HE SOCIOPATH THO???)

1:25 - 1:29 - In this scene, Taehyun stares at the camera all the way up until Yeonjun and the others came.

If you took this the "mETapHOriCal" way, Taehyun is staring into the eyes of something that cannot be seen by others.

1:32 - 1:37 - Yeonjun's glasses caused the fire in the room. The other boys noticed but they did nothing until Beomgyu came with a fire extinguisher. How did Beomgyu know about the fire when he was floors away from their classroom? Yeonjun looked worried and hopeless like it was all his fault.

Why does he looked so panicked? Why does it feel like he knows what's about to happen and what he was doing?

1:52 - 1:53 - In this scene, Beomgyu failed to stop the fire from burning Yeonjun's notebook EVEN with the fire extinguisher. Beomgyu gives that same look he gave Taehyun in the "CYSM" MV (Time stamp: 2:14 - 2:16//CYSM MV) and also from the start of the this MV (Time stamp: 0:08 - 0:22)

2:09 - 2:17 - In this shot we see the boys hanging out in the school's balcony, the symbols outside the school, and a magical fire extinguisher.

Symbols outside the school = also the symbols Soobin saw with his red filtered glasses.

The fire extinguisher Beomgyu brought was the reason why the fire was never prevented. The fire extinguisher had something to do with the world Soobin saw with his glasses, the world Taehyun saw in his vision, or the future that Beomgyu wanted to prevent from happening.

2:21 - 2:28 - Here we see Taehyun reading a book titled "Put Out The Fire" while Soobin and Hueningkai were trying to help Taehyun. In this scene, the lighting changed to red again as we see Beomgyu resting his head on a sleeping Yeonjun.

This scene showed that Beomgyu was trying to distract Yeonjun from helping the three find a solution to stop the fire from spreading throughout the school.

This is a sign of manipulation as he is forming a deep connection with Yeonjun throughout this MV.

2:38 - 2:59 - Yeonjun finally wakes up from his sleep as the fire started spreading more quickly. The five of them ran outside of the library, clearly failing to put out the fire.

They arrived at the school's gym pool and if you look closely...

there's an art of a shark deep down in one of the pools.

I think this is proof that either Beomgyu or Soobin knows about the future events or the other world.

3:06 - 3:13 - The five boys are playing together again, clearly distracted from the fire that's spreading through campus. Then, we see a shot of Taehyun and Soobin doing a handshake together.

Taehyun = seeing the future (???) Soobin = seeing a different dimension (???)

3:27 - 3:35 - Soobin watches the other members play together lovingly as he finds out there is a door in the pool. He wondered who in the world could've put a door in the pool?

Then, he realizes that he is near it.

3:37 - 4:16 - The five of them went underwater, discovering a new world and the door Soobin has been sketching.

I forgot to mention earlier that the sketch that Yeonjun was cutting up on his notebook was the exact same door Soobin drew on the whiteboard.

Does this mean all of them know that there's a new world/dimension?

Yeonjun pulls out the same glasses that caused the fire earlier and guess what? The door was on fire again.

4:18 - 4:20 - They started to have fun while Beomgyu gives the look of victory, knowing that he won and that he distracted them from the fire that was occuring outside the world/dimension they were in.

4:20 - 4:27 - It showed Taehyun and Soobin staring at the camera during different times = they have visions.

It also showed a glimpse of Yeonjun's keychain/stuffed toy as it transitions to them running from the fire.

Lastly, it shows that Hueningkai is still in the water. Hueningkai's face expressed both confusion and worry.

There is definitely something off.

4:31 - 4:35 - This scene showed glimpses of the past events

~Yeonjun causing a fire ~Taehyun reading the "Put Out The Fire" book ~Them arriving at the gymnasium pool ~Yeonjun cutting the sketch of the door in the notebook ~Them seeing the fire spread as the notebook Yeonjun drew on continued to burn

4:39 - 4:51 - The five of them looked at the burning door in amazement since they discovered a whole new world underwater. Yeonjun looked at it like he's seen this door before and HE WASN'T EVEN SURPRISED. Then, he removed the band-aid and the cut he had earlier was completely gone.

How?

4:54 - 5:16 - The five of them decided to leave. Weird thing? It was like they were just casually leaving a place and not A WHOLE NEW WORLD. The MV ends with Taehyun being left with Yeonjun's stuffed toy.

Summary/What I found out through listing every scene with details:

Soobin and Taehyun were the only members who were seeing visions about the different world. However, Soobin sees visions of future events while Taehyun only sees visions about the other world.

Beomgyu, on the other hand, turns into a NEUTRAL CHARACTER. A different creature? Could be. A good person? Could be. For me, his character is very hard to read and understand due to MY LACK OF SOURCE. He is either protecting Yeonjun from the different world or he is trying to blind Yeonjun from seeing the truth. Also, Beomgyu clearly knows what goes on in the future so we don't really know who's the bad guy here.

Yeonjun is a resident of the other world. HOW DID I CONCLUDE THIS? The last part really got me, okay? The four other members were amazed but he was just keeping up this blank face... like he has already seen it before. He was also the one who lead the members to the gymnasium pool like he knows what's there.

If you think Hueningkai is the only one who doesn't know anything, you're wrong. (Time stamp 4:20 - 4:27) In my guess, I think Hueningkai either has telepathic abilities...

or he sees visions, too.

The symbolism in this MV is too much for my brain to handle so I might do that next time. There might be a part two of this Runaway MV Theory and Analysis.

IN CONCLUSION: - BEOMGYU IS NOT A VILLAIN (???) BUT A NEUTRAL CHARACTER - YEONJUN IS THE RESIDENT OF THE OTHER WORLD - TAEHYUN AND SOOBIN ARE SEEING VISIONS - HUENINGKAI HAS MINIMAL SUPERNATURAL ABILITIES BUT IT IS STILL LEFT UNKNOWN

The question: how does this story line piece up with "Cat and Dog"? Does it also piece up with "Crown"? How does this even piece uP wITH THE NEW COMEBACK???

//the end//

stream “Can’t You See Me?” folks :D and y’all are free to message me when I forget something to take note of- :’)

#txt #txt comeback #txt theory #run away #run away txt #kpop #theory #kpop theories #kpop mv theory #brain dead lmao #choi soobin #choi yeonjun #choi beomgyu #kang taehyun #kai kamal huening #txt soobin #txt yeonjun #txt beomgyu #txt taehyun #txt hueningkai #soobin #yeonjun #beomgyu #taehyun #hueningkai #brain less #loss of a brain cell #what is even a brain cell #can't you see me #can't you see me txt

[artificialqueens]

colour me blue, chapter one (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr: plastiquetiaras) | word count: 7422

Vanessa knows as much about the heart as any cardiologist in a hospital.

The four chambers and the valves that connect them. The way that they’re responsible for pumping blood around the entire body, spreading oxygen to where it’s needed the most and keeping the cells alive. How the heart is like the engine of a finely tuned machine, a ticking clock beating out a rhythm that the rest of the body falls into step with.

Vanessa also knows what happens when the heart begins to fail.  

AN: This fic started as a drabble to take a break from my WIPs but then turned into its own beast. It was…an absolute process to write but definitely pushed me in ways that helped me grow as a writer, which is always a good thing. CW in this fic for medical terms, hospital stays, uncertainties re: long term illness. I usually don’t like to give away spoilers, but I will say that there will no main character deaths in this fic, just to be clear. Writ is the absolute best - not only for giving me the prompt, but helping me brainstorm, pushing me to keep writing when I was ready to leave this fic in my google drive forever, and being the best encouragement one could ever ask for. They deserve the world <3

Vanessa knows as much about the heart as any cardiologist in a hospital.

The four chambers and the valves that connect them. The way that they’re responsible for pumping blood around the entire body, spreading oxygen to where it’s needed the most and keeping the cells alive. How the heart is like the engine of a finely tuned machine, a ticking clock beating out a rhythm that the rest of the body falls into step with.

Vanessa also knows what happens when the heart begins to fail.

Her dad keels over during Christmas Day brunch when she’s five, clutching the dining room table with a grip that loosens as he falls off his chair and onto the floor. Vanessa doesn’t understand what death means at the time, not really, at his funeral. The fact that her dad isn’t away on a work trip, that he isn’t ever coming back. That he isn’t going to walk in the door one night in his uniform the way that he always does.

That the stone in the cemetery bearing his name is a finality, a marker that takes his place in this world, now that he’s no longer here.

Vanessa is twelve and her lungs feel like they’re clawing their way out of her chest in gym class, when the teacher is making them run faster, damnit. She doesn’t know that she isn’t supposed to feel like she is going to pass out when she jogs, or as if her insides are collapsing inside of her ribs. She’s not supposed to be seeing white spots in her vision as some of her classmates carry her to the sidelines when her body can’t push her any farther. She shouldn’t be constantly lightheaded, grabbing onto tables and bookshelves and chairs just to keep herself upright.

There’s appointment after appointment and test after test, specialist after specialist because Vanessa’s mother is fiercely protective, overwhelmingly worried after their unit of three becomes a unit of two. She pushes and pushes and pushes until they get an answer, but it’s one that makes Vanessa’s mom nearly keel over, too.

It’s genetic. Autosomal dominant. Passed on from Vanessa’s dad, making the walls in the chambers of her heart stiffer, rougher. Keeping them from being able to properly pump blood to where her body needs it the most. Enough to create the possibility of heart failure at any time, when the well oiled machine will simply crumble under the pressure.

Vanessa’s told that she’s lucky that they’ve caught it so early. That this means they can test solutions and try different medications to maybe make it easier for her heart to pump, to reduce the strain that it constantly shoulders. When the medications don’t work it’s okay, really, she’s told, because there are less invasive surgical options. Ones to try that don’t put her under for that long or have an extended recovery period and will allow her to bounce back quickly.

Except that she never does. Her heart never heals, never reaches its maximum potential. Hell, her heart never lets her be a regular person, because it’s breaking down more and more no matter what the doctors do. No matter how many surgeries she has.

Vanessa’s twenty five and has to quit her job because she’s used up all of her sick days, and because getting up out of bed in the morning is impossible when her body feels so weak.

Her mother hopes, prays, lights candles for the possibility that things will get better. That Vanessa will bounce back, that she’ll get to go back to living without having it snatched away from her like it had been from her father.

Except life doesn’t feel like it’s being snatched away, to Vanessa. It’s being dangled in front of her, possibilities that she isn’t quite able to reach because she’s too weak and can’t exert herself because her heart can’t take it, and maybe, just maybe, another procedure will work. Another surgery.

Until she’s twenty six and lying in a hospital bed and in complete heart failure because nothing has worked, and she can’t walk the five steps to the bathroom without the support of a walker.

Because Vanessa needs a new heart.

Vanessa’s been in the hospital for three months and her current nurse on the cardiology floor is making her scowl.

“It’s not going to be forever. Probably just a few weeks. Then when the floor is less busy, they’ll bring you back.” Asia’s trying to explain why they’re moving Vanessa to another unit the best she can, Vanessa knows. Vanessa just doesn’t get why it has to be her.

“I’ve been stuck here long enough. Why are y’all moving me? Why not someone else on the floor?” Vanessa crosses her arms, careful not to tug on the various wires attached to her chest that are connected to the monitors behind her displaying her heart activity.

“Because apparently the universe wanted to make my day harder and give me a headache, like the one that I’m getting from this argument with you.” Asia lightly swats her shoulder before her features soften. “Look. They don’t move people to other floors unless they’re stable. Which must mean that the team needs to keep less of an eye on you, which is a good thing.”

“I guess.” Vanessa grumbles as she says it, because still. Being the one that gets booted off of the cardiac unit because it is too full isn’t a good feeling, not in the least. Instead, it makes her feel like she doesn’t matter to the team, not if they’re fine with pushing her somewhere else.

“Look on the bright side,” Asia tugs on Vanessa’s phone charger from where it’s hanging off of the side of her bed, blending in with the various wires that are protruding from Vanessa’s frame. “Maybe the room you’re moving to will have an actual working outlet.”

“It better.” The electrical outlet closest to Vanessa’s bed is sporadic, often failing to charge her phone when she plugs it in. She uses the call button more often than not to get the nurses to plug her phone into outlets that she can’t reach from her bed, ignoring their muttered comments of that’s not what the call button is for, Vanjie.

“Besides, you get to bond with a new crop of nurses.” Asia fiddles with the monitors above Vanessa’s bed.  “Aren’t we boring you yet?

“What are you talking about? I love kiki-ing with y’all.” It’s true. Being in the hospital for an extended period of time can be…lonely. There’s only so long that friends and family will continue to visit, before they realize that the hospital is Vanessa’s new normal. Before they get bored of her.

Before they stop visiting.

But she’s got nurses and therapists close to her age, ones that she’s trying her best to bond with. It’s worked with most of them, especially Asia. The cardiac nurses get her. They’re nice, they gossip with her about their lives and feel like coworkers, at most. Coworkers that give her medication and help her transfer out of her bed and try to keep her alive.

“I’ll miss your ass, that’s for sure.” Vanessa sighs as Asia fiddles with the electrode stuck to her collarbone.

Asia snorts. “Will you miss me prodding your arm at 7 a.m. to take your vitals?”

“Better you than some random whack nurse I don’t know.”

“Hey, don’t be mean to them before you even meet them. I heard the general internal medicine team is nice. Kameron is, at least.” Asia’s voice rises slightly as she says the name, and it piques Vanessa’s interest.

“Who’s Kameron?”

“No one.”

Vanessa narrows her eyes. “That sounded hella suspicious.”

“She’s a friend.”

“A friend, huh?” Vanessa nudges Asia’s side, laughing as she scowls.

“So goddamn nosy. Tell me why the other patients don’t needle me like you do?”

Vanessa grins. “‘Cause I know you love spilling shit too, that’s why. I’ll be sure to say hi to Kameron for you.”

Asia’s cheeks turn slightly pink. “Don’t you start.”

The general internal medicine unit is chaotic.

Doctors, nurses, family members running back and forth between rooms, instructions being yelled left and right, beeping machines that somehow did not seem as alarming when Vanessa had still been on the cardiology unit.

While on the cardiology floor, Vanessa had shared her hospital room with a pleasant enough elderly lady who slept for most of the day. So much, in fact, that Vanessa had never actually spoken to her.

Vanessa’s worried about who they’ll place her with now, as she’s wheeled into her new room. Someone in the throes of delirium who will be up at all hours of the night? Someone who turns the TV up way too high, not letting her sleep? Someone who has too much family that comes to visit, meaning that the room will never be quiet again?

But the girl lying in the bed closest to the window is none of those things. Her hair, albeit mussed, is pulled back into a high ponytail, and her makeup-free face is somehow the most beautiful thing Vanessa’s ever seen.

“Hi.” The girl waves at her, a tentative smile on her face and Vanessa realizes, coincidentally, that she has forgotten the entirety of the English language.

Vanessa’s normally bold, brash enough that she has the confidence to go after girls that she’s into. Except that it’s easier when she’s wearing more than a hospital gown, when she’s standing on her own two feet and not feeling like she’s weaker than a year-old baby.

Vanessa squeaks out something that sounds close to a hi, and wants to groan when it makes the girl’s brow furrow.

“You okay? Not in too much pain, are you? I can call the nurse with my call bell-”

“Nah, I’m fine.” Vanessa mumbles the words under her breath, trying her best to tame the mess of her hair with her fingers as discreetly as she can.

“Okay.” The girl shifts in her bed slightly to face her, and Vanessa notices the way that she flinches in pain as she does. “So, fellow inmate. What are you in for?”

The words make Vanessa let out a surprised laugh, make her feel less wound up. “Got a heart that’s been right messing with me.”

The girl raises an eyebrow. “Why, did someone break it?” Her expression is deadpan as she says it, and it makes Vanessa snort.

“Funny. What about you?”

“Appendix nuclear explosion.” The girl points to her abdomen, and Vanessa’s eyes widen at the sutures that criss cross it. “They didn’t get it fast enough and now it’s a mess that they’re still trying to clean up.”

“Damn.” Vanessa lets out a whistle. “So, Miss App-app-appendick, what’s your name?”

“Appendick?” The girl holds back a giggle.

“What?” Vanessa shrugs. “It sounds right, don’t it?”

“Close enough.” The girl’s smiles are reaching her eyes, and the sight makes the tightness in Vanessa’s chest lessen, if only a little. “Brooke. Yours?”

“Vanessa.” She’s not sure, really, why she doesn’t tell Brooke that her name is Vanjie, considering that most people call her that, anyway. But something about the girl makes her want to hold back on it, see what the girl thinks of her actual name.

“Vanessa. I like it.” A small smile builds on the edge of curve of Brooke’s lip, and for a second, Vanessa feels her regular confidence flow back towards her.

That is, at least, until a nurse bounds into the room, muttering about how it’s about time that Vanessa goes to the bathroom, since she hasn’t had a bowel movement since yesterday, and we can’t have that, can we?

Oh, well. She’ll get her game back, somehow.

Vanessa finds out that she likes having a roommate who’s actually awake for most of the day.

Brooke is fun to talk to, almost enough to sometimes make Vanessa forget that she’s stuck in a hospital bed. Almost. Vanessa learns that Brooke is a ballet dancer, part of the corps and working towards becoming a soloist. She’d been performing in a matinee when her appendix ruptured, managing to hold off from collapsing in pain until the curtain call, when she could safely bend over in the wings without any audience members seeing her.

Brooke’s form underneath her gown is toned, long, looking every part of the graceful dancer she is. Vanessa’s lying if she says that she isn’t mesmerized by the way that Brooke reaches over to grab water from her bedside table, especially with how it’s done with an air of delicateness, lightness.

“What about you? What’s your story?” Brooke’s propped up by pillows, turned on her side slightly when she asks the question. Her grey eyes aren’t cool but rather they’re warm, inviting, waiting for Vanessa to talk.

Vanessa, for her part, pauses.

“Oh, y’know,” she tries to keep her face light, her voice casual, “Some shit happening with my heart. Felt some weird beating the other day and they wanna look into it more.”

It’s a lie, maybe, but she doesn’t regret it.

Ever since she was young, Vanessa’s only been known as the sick girl. The girl who’s always in the hospital. The girl who had missed so much school when she was a kid that she’d had to be taught by a teacher in the hospital. The girl who is unable to keep a job for too long because she has to take off work again and again, days when she’s so weak she can’t get out of bed, other days spent in clinics and at appointments with specialists monitoring her useless excuse of a heart.

Vanessa hates it. Being defined by something that she has no control over, something that she wish could fix itself because it’s taken over way, way too much of her life. For once, just once, she doesn’t want it to be a big deal. Even though she’s in a hospital.

Brooke, for her part, buys it. “Wow. Hope they find out. Nothing too serious, you think?”

“Nah.” Vanessa shrugs. “I’ll be out of here in no time.”

God, she wishes.

“What do you do for work?” Brooke looks at her expectantly and it surprises Vanessa, almost, how fast she lets the subject change, because she’s not used to it. Her friends, her family draw out conversations about her shitty heart for ages, fake pitying expressions on their faces that Vanessa wishes she had the power to slap away.

“Makeup artist.” Vanessa grins when Brooke’s face lights up. “I work at MAC, and got a few freelance clients on the side.”

So what if MAC shifts are far and few between because she’s not a dependable employee anymore? She’s trying. It helps to be in a job where she gets to rest, sit down quite a bit. Her body wouldn’t be able to handle it otherwise.

“Is that why you still have mascara on while in the hospital?” Brooke’s smile is cheeky and it makes Vanessa snort.

“Maybe. Can’t ruin my brand and be fully makeup-free.”

“You’re still cute without it, though.” Brooke winks at her, or at least Vanessa thinks so, and the sight makes her heart do a little flip in her chest. Is she flirting with her? Vanessa can’t tell. But she’s absolutely going to play into it.

“So are you, you tall, leggy model.” The words leave Vanessa’s lips before she can stop herself, but Brooke is grinning, thank god, hasn’t taken them in a bad way.

“Leggy, huh? You can tell even under these blankets?”

Vanessa shrugs. “You can’t get up and show me, so a girl’s gotta assume. How tall are you?”

“Five eleven.”

“What?”

Vanessa’s mouth drops open and Brooke’s laughing, laughing at her, but goddamn. Brooke really is an Amazon.

“Why, how tall are you?” Brooke can’t tell from all the blankets that Vanessa is under, but she doesn’t want to answer, really, not after hearing that Brooke is five eleven.

“Five three.” Vanessa mumbles the words, scowling when Brooke claps a hand over her mouth. “What?”

“You’re tiny!”

“Am not.”

“Practically pocket-sized.”

“I’m tall in personality!” Vanessa huffs and crosses her arms. She’s not that short, she isn’t.

But Brooke’s still grinning. “So tall. Though I do like short girls.”

Vanessa’s brain is about to short circuit. Is Brooke flirting with her? Or is the extended time being cooped up in a hospital bed making her brain go a little bit loopy?

Vanessa normally has game. But right now she can’t do much more than stare at Brooke open mouthed, something that Brooke is clearly enjoying.

“You’ll let bugs fly into your mouth if you keep it open any longer.”

“Shut up.”

They’re eating shitty hospital food for lunch and Brooke is antsy beside Vanessa.

“Okay, what?” Vanessa turns to Brooke because she’s been tapping the railing of her bed for the last half an hour. Vanessa wouldn’t press the issue except for the fact that Brooke keeps biting her lip, clinking her fork on her plate, her eyes all shifty.

“Nothing.” Brooke looks away from her, down at the pasta on her tray that doesn’t appear to be very appetizing, from the way that most of it is still in the bowl.

“Doesn’t look like nothing.”

Brooke bites her lip. “They rounded this morning while you were asleep.”

“As they do every morning at 8 a.m., yeah.”

“They wanna do another exploratory surgery.”

“For your appendix?” Vanessa’s eyes widen. Brooke’s complications must be worse than previously thought.

Brooke pauses. “Hey, look at you pronouncing appendix correctly.”

“Shut up.” Vanessa sticks her tongue out at her. “We’re talking about you right now.”

Brooke sighs. “They wanna see if they’ve missed things. I mean, aside from the first surgery, I’ve never really had any, and I don’t want to go under again. What if things go wrong?”

“Hey, hey.” Vanessa wishes that Brooke were closer so that she could reach over, squeeze her hand. “They do tons of surgeries every day here. They know what they’re doing.”

“But what if this time, they don’t?”

“You don’t know that. But you gotta trust that they do without assuming the worst before it even happens.”

“I guess.” Brooke sighs, and Vanessa wants to tell her, she really does, about the various procedures that she’s gone through as a child to make Brooke feel better, but at the same time…

It’s nice not to be the focus of medical attention for once.

“When are they thinking of scheduling it for?”

”A week.”

“Does this mean I can film you coming out of sedation?”

“What?” Brooke looks over at her, lets out a laugh, the exact effect that Vanessa wants.

“Bet you’ll say hysterical shit.”

“You better not.”

Vanessa grins. “Sorry, didn’t hear you there. Can’t wait to hear all the crazy things you say.”

“Nooo.” Brooke whines, and Vanessa doesn’t want to tell her that she won’t come back to the unit until the sedation has worn off, because her reaction is making her crack up.

“Maybe you’ll spill all your deepest darkest secrets.”

“Absolutely not-”

“Maybe you’ll confess your love for your nurse.” Vanessa holds back a laugh at Brooke’s look of horror.

“Anita’s at least 60!”

“And quite the looker. Hey, maybe you’re into cougars.”

“Ugh.” Brooke makes a face but she’s grinning too, Vanessa can see it. “Definitely not my type.”

“So what is your type?” Vanessa meets Brooke’s gaze with a raised eyebrow, a challenge. Two can play at this game.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Brooke wastes no time in answering, winking again, and Vanessa’s definitely not imagined it this time around.

She’s glad that Brooke goes to take a sip of her coffee, so she can try to come up with at least something coherent. Sure, she’s become more used to being Brooke’s hospital roommate as the days go by, but her gay ass sure hasn’t yet.

Vanessa’s cardiologist and physiotherapist and nurse pop into her room one day while Brooke’s asleep.

“Bad time?” Nina’s holding a clipboard, rifling through the sheets in front of her. Vanessa’s known her cardiologist for long enough that she doesn’t have to call her Dr. West anymore. It’s both a great and terrible feeling.

Vanessa gives her a look. “You really think I got anything else to do right now?”

Her physiotherapist, Kameron, snorts, though tries to stifle it under Nina’s gaze.

“Fair enough.” Nina leans against the wall, peeking over at Brooke. “Are you worried about her overhearing? We can move you outside into the hallway if you want-”

“She’s asleep. Doesn’t matter.” Vanessa waves a hand. “So, any news on the waitlist?”

“Moved up a couple spots, though not by much.” Nina’s face is apologetic, and it makes Vanessa want to scowl.

“Why am I so damn low on it?” Vanessa doesn’t want to show how scared she really is about it. She’s been waiting for months, months, unable to do much or exert herself lest her heart give out on her. Waiting for the other shoe to drop and for things to go south. It’s like she’s walking on a minefield, about to step on explosives at any time that will finally take her out.

She wishes it could stop.

“You’ll move up soon enough. These things are dynamic, they fluctuate.” Nina’s words don’t even look as if they’re convincing to herself, which bodes well for Vanessa. “In the meantime, we’re thinking we may trial another medication. We’ll see if it helps with oxygenation a little bit more.”

“Sure, why not.” Vanessa’s resigned as she says it, because really, will it even make a difference? Will anything actually change for the better?

After so many years, she’s stopped hoping. It’s hard to hope when it feels like she has no fight left in her anymore.

Her situation has been the same since before she was a teenager, and nothing’s changed. She’s still living a half life, one that she can’t fully enjoy because she always has the worries in the back of her mind. Ones that keep her away from everything that she wants to be able to do.

But she has to tolerate it. She has no choice, not when her doctors and nurses are walking away, waving at her as they go to consult on another patient. Not when they have nothing left to give to her.

Vanessa and Brooke fall into a routine, of sorts. They binge shows, alternating episodes of Schitt’s Creek and 90 Day Fiancé because they can. They complain about the shitty hospital food, trying to bribe the nurses to get them something better from the cafeteria, a tactic that never quite works.

It’s another week before Vanessa meets Brooke’s family, arriving in a flurry of buttoned up peacoats to fawn at her bedside.

“Honestly, Brooke Lynn, why do you have to work so far away from home?” Brooke’s mother is smoothing her hair, tucking it behind her ears, and Brooke looks younger than Vanessa’s ever seen her.

“I can’t control which ballet company gives me a job, Mom.” Brooke’s eyes are happy, when her sister and her mom pull up chairs at her bedside. It makes Vanessa’s heart tug, just a little.

“Still, I wish you were closer and we didn’t have to take two flights to get here.” Brooke’s mother sheds her coat on her chair. “Though the food they gave us was quite nice.”

Brooke snorts. “You’re the only person who actually likes airport food.”

Brooke’s sister turns towards Vanessa then, and the sudden eye contact makes her freeze. Vanessa hadn’t wanted to bother Brooke and her family; she had wanted to look busy, but it’s too late, because Brooke’s sister is waving at her.

“B, you didn’t even introduce your room buddy.”

Brooke wrinkles her nose. “Room buddy?”

“Hey, it fits.” Brooke’s sister shrugs.

Vanessa finds her voice then, because Brooke’s family looks nice enough. “Vanessa.”

“Nice to meet you, dear.” Brooke’s mom has kind eyes and Vanessa feels a longing in her heart that isn’t being caused by her existing cardiac problems.

“Nice to meet y’all, too.” Vanessa grabs a book from her bedside table, buries her face into it while Brooke and her mom and sister continue talking, trying to ignore the realization that her own mom hasn’t visited in weeks.

It’s not her mom’s fault, it’s really not. Vanessa has to remind herself of that. She gets it.

The fact that her father died of the same thing makes it…eerie. Vanessa feels like a ticking time bomb, one her mom clearly doesn’t want to watch as she slowly reaches end of her timer, when history will inevitably repeat itself. Vanessa understands why her mom wants to stay away and avoid watching her daughter go down the same route. Save herself from the pain as much as possible and instead burying herself in her work.

It doesn’t stop Vanessa from feeling lonely, though.

She misses having people. Having her mom brush her hair out of her face, hold her hand while she’s getting tests done. Be there to listen with her with the doctors spew more and more predictions about how her heart is going to hold up.

It’s not that Vanessa can’t handle the burden, be the foundation on her own. She just misses having reinforcements, strengths around it.

She misses her mom.

Brooke’s mom and sister leave for the night, but not before bringing the two of them McDonalds. The sight of the bags, with the mouthwatering smell from the food inside wafting around the room, makes Vanessa pause.

Technically, she’s supposed to avoid foods with excess sodium, as the extra salt makes her heart work harder than it’s supposed to, wears it down faster. But at the same time, she can’t bring herself to care.

She picks up a burger.

“I haven’t had McDonalds in ages.” Vanessa’s missed burgers, she really has, because there’s only so much bland hospital food she’s been able to take.

“I’m more of a Swiss Chalet fan, myself.” Brooke’s still munching on her burger, but Vanessa tilts her head.

“The hell is that?”

“Food place in Canada. Lots of roast chicken and gravy.” Brooke’s eyes are already getting a wistful, a faraway look in her eyes as she’s thinking about it.

Vanessa wrinkles her nose, because it doesn’t sound that appetizing. “That’s some white people fast food.”

Brooke shrugs. “It’s good. The gravy is nectar from the gods.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.” No wonder Brooke doesn’t mind the hospital food as much. Vanessa looks over at her, the way she’s tossing back some French fries. “Real nice of your mom and sister to bring me some food, too.”

Brooke smiles, her face all warm and Vanessa’s glad that she has support from her family, at least. “They’re great.”

Brooke pauses then, looking over at her, and Vanessa can tell that she’s figuring out how to word a question. One that Vanessa already knows is coming.

“So, I’ve never seen yours come to visit.” Brooke’s voice is light as she looks down at her food, clearly trying to avoid eye contact. “Do they live far, too?”

Vanessa bites her lip, takes a bite of her burger to give herself time before she has to answer. “Oh, y’know. My mom works a lot, that’s all. Besides, we talk here and there on the phone.”

It’s a lie, and Vanessa knows it, and Brooke does too, from the way Vanessa can see the gears turning in her head. “I’ve never heard you talk to anyone on the phone except-”

“It’s while you’re asleep, drop it.” Vanessa scowls, crossing her arms. She doesn’t mean to snap, she doesn’t, but she doesn’t want to talk about the fact that her mom doesn’t fucking visit and that her friends are too busy with their own lives and settling down and she’s been left behind.

She doesn’t want to.

“Okay, sorry.” Brooke holds her hands up in defeat and Vanessa almost feels bad. Almost. “Won’t bring it up.”

“Good.” Vanessa takes a bite of her burger, chewing with a little more force than necessary, and she wonders why she’s feeling a bit more out of breath than usual.

Kameron knocks on their door while Vanessa and Brooke are discussing the finer points of the latest season of Stranger Things.

“I’m just saying, the ending was a cop out-”

“Was not- ”

“Ahem.” Kameron’s grinning at both of them when Vanessa’s about to talk about the next potential season. “As much as I want to join in this discussion, I gotta take you one after the other for physio.”

Vanessa lets out a grumble that is mirrored by Brooke, and it makes Kameron snort. “Y’all are quite a pair. So, who’s gonna suffer first?”

Vanessa’s mouth drops open when Brooke immediately points in her direction. “Traitor!”

Brooke shrugs. “You snooze, you lose.”

Vanessa huffs but does her best to sit up nonetheless, letting Kameron bring her walker over to the side of her bed.

“Can I ditch this thing yet? I feel old as hell.” Vanessa hates the damn walker. It only serves to remind her of how weak she’s gotten.

“As soon as you can walk the length of the unit without near collapsing on me, it’s gone.” Kameron’s hand is on her back to steady her as she stands. Vanessa hates how much she has to lean her weight on the thing.

“Walkers are for the elderly.” Nonetheless, Vanessa clutches the handles to keep her balance.

“Technically, it’s a rollator.”

“Giving it a fancy Transformers name ain’t helping.”

Brooke’s watching them with a thoroughly entertained expression. “You always this much fun in physio sessions, Vanessa?”

Vanessa sticks her tongue out at her. “I’m a delight.”

“Not sure if that’s the word I’d use.” Kameron snickers, poking her shoulder when she begins to protest. “C’mon, time to walk and build up that strength.”

Vanessa’s drained after one lap around the unit, gripping the handles of the walker with shaky hands and Kameron’s hands keeping her half-upright. By the time they get back to the room, Vanessa’s bed feels like heaven rather than the prison that it usually is.

“You good?” Brooke’s brow is furrowed in concern as she sits up from her own bed, ready for her turn to walk with Kameron.

“Yeah, fine.” So what if the words come out in a slight wheeze? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything. “I’m good.”

Except that Vanessa feels like her body’s made of lead, pulling her down, down, down into the earth to never be able to get up again. Not with the way she’s exhausted from just one lap around the floor.

“That tired you out more than usual.” Kameron’s brow knits in concern as she lowers the head of Vanessa’s bed.

“I’m fine.” Still, Vanessa has to close her eyes, catch her breath as she says it. Not a convincing lie.

Thankfully, Kameron lets the subject drop, and part of Vanessa hopes that Brooke’s laps around the floor take longer so that she has a second on her own to contemplate how messed up her life really has become.

“So, she says it’s to match the ‘rainforest’ theme that’s been chosen for the party, right? Well, get this. She goes orange and green. Orange and green! Who fucking wants that for a look?”

Brooke’s laughing at everything Vanessa is saying and Vanessa can’t help the way she preens a little, embraces it. “What did it turn out like?”

“Oh, hideous.” Vanessa waves a hand, laughing when Brooke claps a hand over her mouth. “She looked like a fucking weird snake creature.”

“Oh my god. You’re ridiculous.” Brooke’s giggling, and Vanessa never, ever wants to stop hearing the sound of it. “Are you this indulgent with all your clients?”

“Only the crazy bitches who’d try and fight me if I didn’t do exactly what they wanted. Even if the final look was more scary than anything.” Vanessa pauses, remembering the client, along with every other person she’s done makeup for. “Didn’t want them to speak with no manager.”

“You should do my makeup sometime. It would be fun?” Brooke phrases it like a question, and her smile is tentative, but it makes Vanessa gasp, try and sit up, before falling right back down on her pillow.

“Are you kidding me? Absolutely. I’ll make you all banjie, fit my aesthetic.” She’s excited just thinking about it. Brooke’s high cheekbones, her eyes, her bone structure-

Vanessa’s only ruminating on all of it because of the possibilities for makeup, that’s all. No other reason.

Nope.

Brooke wrinkles her nose. “What’s banjie?’

Vanessa can’t help but grin. “Oh, this is gonna be fun.”

Vanessa makes a mental note to her own body to get its shit together. To allow her to fucking sit up again without running out of breath, becoming light headed, feeling weak. She has a new client, after all.

The attending doctor and resident and nurses pass by for their evening rounds as Vanessa’s describing the kind of makeup look she wants to try out on Brooke. The attending frowns when he looks up at the monitors above Vanessa’s bed, a sight that makes Vanessa’s stomach churn in unease. She hates that look.

“Miss Mateo’s sats are getting pretty low, aren’t they?”

“Hello? I’m right here.” Vanessa stops just short of lifting up a hand, snapping it in the healthcare team’s faces. She hates the way they pretend to talk above her sometimes, as if she’s not privy to conversation about her own body.

The attending pays her no mind, turning towards her nurse instead. “I’d say lets try nasal prongs for the next couple hours, see if that increases her oxygen saturation.”

Vanessa tilts her head slightly, looking up at the monitor behind her. Eighty nine percent. She knows from years and years of being in the hospital that anything below ninety five percent is considered low, and that dropping saturation levels mean that she’s not getting the oxygen she needs, that her heart isn’t doing a good job of pumping the blood to where it’s supposed to go.

She doesn’t want a tube by her nose, though. It would make her look sicker than she already is.

“Don’t I get a choice?” She grumbles the words and only the resident hears her, sympathetically reaching out to pat her shoulder.

“It’s only to help you.” The attending doctor doesn’t even look up as he says it, and it makes Vanessa bristle.

The doctors to round on the next patient without much room for argument, and Vanessa’s nurse is apologetic as she brings over a set of nasal prongs.

“They’ll make you feel better, promise.” Scarlet hands over the tubing to Vanessa so that she can put it on herself, and part of Vanessa appreciates it, that someone at least is recognizing her competency.

“Don’t mean I gotta like it.”

Brooke turns to her as Scarlet leaves the room. “Gotta say, you pull them off well.”

“Don’t you even start with me.”

“Latest fall trend?”

Vanessa snorts in spite of herself. “I know what you’re tryna do.”

“What?” Brooke’s face is the picture of innocence, and it makes Vanessa feel a little bit lighter, with how she’s playing along.

“Tryna make me feel better.”

Brooke tuts. “I’m doing nothing of the sort. Just saying that you’ve started a new couture look. Might have to pick up a pair myself.”

Brooke winks at her, and Vanessa can’t help the small smile that’s growing on her face. “Still. Thanks.”

“I get how it feels, being stuck in here. It’s…not easy.” Brooke bites a lip. “I’m glad it’s you that I’m sharing a room with, and we have a blast, but I feel-”

“Powerless?”

“Yeah.” Brooke’s looking up at her, all traces of previous joking gone. “Like we’re disconnected from everything on the outside.”

“God, I get it.” Vanessa really does. Everyone’s moving on without them, getting farther and farther in life. Working, settling down, doing something with themselves. “Everyone’s doing things while we can’t.”

“At least this isn’t going to be forever. We’ll be back out there in no time.” Brooke’s smile is encouraging, and it makes Vanessa’s stomach turn a little, because Brooke will.

She won’t.

Though she doesn’t want Brooke to know. Doesn’t want her to worry.

“Yeah, we’ll get better before we know it.”

If only.

Their room feels just a little bit too empty to Vanessa when Brooke is whisked away for her surgery. It’s strange - back on the cardiology unit, she had relished the chance to have some peace and quiet. Now, though? She can’t stand the silence.

Their little micro-universe feels like it’s slipping away as Brooke begins to heal. She needs to stay in bed less, being less tired as the days go on, walking more and more with physio.

Vanessa’s happy for her, she is, because being stuck in a hospital bed is not something she would wish on anyone. The mundaneness. The feeling of helplessness. Watching everyone come and go, walking past their room without any inkling of how lucky they are just to be up and moving.

But at the same time, she wishes she was improving at the same rate. It doesn’t feel like it’s going to happen any time soon. Vanessa’s been needing the nasal prongs more often than not, no matter how much she grumbles as she wears them. She gets lightheaded, weaker, without them, closer to passing out the longer she tries to keep them off to prove that they’re not necessary.

Her stupid excuse of a heart is truly testing her patience.

Kameron doesn’t push her to walk anymore, something that makes Vanessa pissed, because she’s still gotta try, damn it. But at the same time, she’s grateful. She doesn’t want Brooke to see how weak she’s gotten. Hell, she doesn’t even want to know the whole scope of it herself. She doesn’t want to deal with it anymore.

She wants things to go back to normal. Well, as normal as they’ve ever been. For Vanessa, normal is being able to walk and talk and work and not be in the hospital. That’s all that she wants.

Brooke is dangling her feet from the edge of her bed one afternoon when they’ve finished a Jeopardy episode. “I’m still hungry.”

“We just had lunch.” Vanessa’s half right, because Brooke had her lunch. Vanessa’s not that hungry.

“You haven’t been out of bed in days. Let’s go somewhere. Let’s grab coffee from the cafeteria.” Brooke’s looking excited by the idea, standing up and slipping on her shoes. Without her walker, since she doesn’t need it anymore.

Vanessa’s only a little bit jealous.

“I’m tired as hell.” It’s not a lie, because Vanessa really is. Except that there’s not a time these days that she isn’t.

“Are you sure? Want me to bring you something back?” Brooke’s question makes Vanessa smile, just a little.

“I’m fine.”

Vanessa doesn’t want Brooke to know that Kameron downgraded her to using only a wheelchair, rather than the walker. It’s embarrassing. She doesn’t want to use it. So, she’s not going to. So what if she’s going to be in bed forever now?

Brooke is unfazed. “‘Kay. I’ll be back.”

She’s waltzing out of the room before Vanessa can even say goodbye, past the four walls that are slowly becoming the only part of the world that Vanessa is exposed to these days.

Vanessa tugs off the nasal prongs when Brooke gets back. Brooke raises an eyebrow as she does, but doesn’t comment. Hands her a muffin instead.

“I wanna get out of here.” Vanessa’s made up her mind.

Brooke takes a sip of her soft drink. “Thought you were tired.”

“I’m always tired. I don’t wanna be tired here.”

Vanessa doesn’t want to have to die while staring at the same four walls day in and day out. A prison of her body’s making, her heart the instigator that’s dooming her to a half, trapped life that may not even last that long.

If this is all she’s going to get, if this is the extent of her future? She doesn’t care anymore.

“Are you even allowed to leave the unit?”

Brooke’s question is valid, but it makes Vanessa scowl, tuck the red bracelet that denotes she can’t under her sleeve. “Doesn’t matter.”

Why should it even be an issue? Why does Vanessa have to spend her already shitty existence trapped where she doesn’t even want to be?

“Pretty sure nursing will ream you out if you try and go.” Brooke’s biting her lip now, and Vanessa’s starting to regret ever roping her into it. Someone who still has an inkling of self preservation left, someone who’s still trying to play within the rules.

Brooke deserves better than her.

“They’ll get over it. Come on, it’ll be fun.” She wiggles her brows, and she can see Brooke’s resolve beginning to break. “We can be like Bonnie and Clyde or some shit.”

“Okay, but didn’t Bonnie and Clyde rob people-”

“Irrelevant.” Vanessa waves her hand before pointing at the wheelchair in the corner of the room, still folded up and unused. Brooke gives in, walking over to grab it and bring it towards the side of her bed. Success.

Vanessa takes a deep breath before attempting to get up. Sure, physio and nursing had drilled the importance of having two people helping her transfer to and from the bed. Saying that she’s a falls risk, that she can hurt herself with the slightest of missteps.

But when Vanessa’s able to get her butt into the wheelchair with just a smidge of exertion, she smiles for the first time in days. Nursing and physio can suck it.

Brooke giggles as she pushes Vanessa’s wheelchair into the hospital’s atrium, past the piano and the front desk and the small garden. “I feel like we’re fugitives.”

Vanessa cranes her neck to look up at her. “Does that make me precious cargo?”

Brooke snorts. “You’re priceless.”

Vanessa can’t help the way that she peeks around the hallways as the walk, eyes out for any nursing from their unit, any therapists or physicians that could spot them and wonder why she’s not on the unit.

It’s fine. She’ll be fine. She can go without her nasal prongs for twenty minutes. She can handle being up in the chair for the length of time it takes to get a fucking coffee.

At least, that’s what she’s trying to tell herself as Brooke pushes her up to the Starbucks.

Brooke’s debating between a London Fog or a latte, and Vanessa’s never noticed, really, how pretty Brooke’s eyes are. How her face lights up while she’s scanning the menu, how delicate her movements are as she goes to pay. Even as a patient in a hospital, Brooke manages to glow. Vanessa’s not sure whether to be jealous or infatuated.

But by the way she can feel her own cheeks heat up as Brooke passes her drink to her, she has an inkling of which one it could be.

Vanessa’s breathless as they head back, dropping her head to rest on her hand. She’s still giggling over the pianist’s song choices in the lobby, and can hear Brooke doing the same as she pushes her chair.

The elevator ride back up to the unit feels final, as if they’re reaching the end of something. Vanessa tries to ignore the feeling and push it away, to focus instead on how she and Brooke had people watched in the lobby, giving every passing by patient or doctor or nurse an outlandish backstory. How Brooke had given her a sip of her drink, taken a sip of hers in return. How Vanessa hadn’t felt like a patient for once, ignoring the aches and pains in her body and the straining in her chest so that she could focus on the way Brooke beamed at her, eyes alight and full of so many possibilities.

Except the lightness in her chest drops, pulling her back down deep into the earth like an anchor as soon as the doors of the elevator open back up.

Because there’s a gaggle of nurses. Doctors. Her cardiologist. Her… mom?

A group of people looking very, very, mad.

Vanessa shrinks in the wheelchair as she hears Brooke gulp above her.

Whoops.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #lesbian au #hurt/comfort #hospital au #sick fic #holtzmanns #colour me blue

[art-of-the-wild772]

Over Warm Coffee

Four o’clock on the dot- he always came.

What happens when one day he doesn’t?

It was lovely autumn morning here on Berk. Well, as lovely as it could get with its weather. It honestly felt like winter was here and not like summer had just ended about half a month ago. School had started which was great for most people- the workers and the parents, though I'm not sure of the teachers. Definitely not the students.

It was a good thing for Dean 'Toothless' Night, though. He wasn't one of the teachers at school but rather the janitor. It was an easy job, really. And he didn't mind cleaning all that much. He always woke up at six in the morning, ready to leave by six thirty and open up the school around six forty. He worked in the middle school, which Berk only had one. It also had one preschool, one kindergarten, one high school and one college, each a block away from each other so it didn't really matter in which school he'd go to work at since he'd always be able to see his kids.

His oldest, Sasha 'Melody', was in eighth grade, one more year till high school. His second was Jacob 'Talon'. He was eleven and a tad bit on the shy side since he took after his mother more (though he's a spitting image of his father when he was at that age). And finally, Mikey 'Claws', ever the troublemaker of the fourth graders- if his nickname was anything to go by.

All three of his children went to the same middle school and he got to see them every morning and break and after classes. He'd wake them before he left since he knew his daughter did not like getting up early, while Claws just couldn't wait to start. He'd give him till the start of fifth grade. Talon woke up because he had to and never complained.

It was mostly peaceful here on Berk- at least for the Berkians. The older residents always told the younger generations that if there wasn't a fight on the island then it was considered a bad omen- because you see, they were all descendants of Vikings, brutal and courageous.

Though they mostly said that to keep themselves entertained. Toothless, for one, had been a victim of many of those fights in his youth. He once caught a glimpse of two elderly men cheering on a fight a few blocks down their house, them sitting on the balcony with beers in their hands. It was quite a sight to see.

Chuckling to himself at the memories, he unlocked the school's door (since the gate was always opened) and walked in. These moments in the quiet were his favorites. The halls were empty and the echo of his shoes on the tiled floor went well with the chirping of the birds. It made him feel at peace before the kids barged in.

He walked into the changing rooms for the teachers in the gym and put on his grey, worn out uniform. He had been asked many-a-times by the headmaster if he wanted a newer one, but he always refused. He said it gave him aesthetic.

Grabbing the mop, he started unlocking all the classrooms and opening the windows for them to air out, and went to the main hallway to start cleaning it. The other janitors joined him soon enough, only two other ones worked the same shift he did, but he didn't mind.

Sooner than he thought, seven o'clock rolled around and he heard the voices of his kids and their friends. He smiled at himself and hurried to finish his work before the bell rang.

It did just that around seven fifteen, indicating that the students should get in their classrooms and prepare for classes.

His kids didn't notice him, but he didn't mind. Seeing them smiling with their friends made him all the more happy. Being a sort of a loner when he was their age was a little bit tiring and -you guessed it- lonely. Granted, it led him to having three wonderful (the word is stretched at a huge level) kids.

"Morning Toothless." A teacher, one of the janitor's favorites, greeted him at the door. He turned and smiled wider at her.

"Ms Gronckle." He said back, sizing her up.

Barbara 'Meatlug' Gronckle. She was about his age, a little bit older than him by a few months. As always, she wore here maroon knee-length dress with the white collar and the three golden buttons at the front. She was a bit more on the chubby side, and with her short height and glasses perched on her nose, she passes with flying colors in the 'Who looks the most like a teacher' test.

And although her looks may seem like she's on the strict side, she's an actual angel when it comes to the kids. She knows when to give someone else the reins but she also knows when to take them. 'The perfect teacher', is what Toothless often called her.

"Toothless, we went to the same school, enough with formalities." She chuckled behind her hand.

"Can't help it." He smirked. "We're at work."

"Gods, what happened to that bad boy we knew?" She teased back.

Toothless shrugged. "He got tamed." They both laughed.

"Hard to believe that, honestly. Starlight sure did her job right." Mournful, sad smiles graced their faces at the mention of the woman. "How are you doing?" She gently asked.

"It’s been two years, shame on me if I still can't accept it." He looked down sadly, slowly swiping the mop from side to side.

"Toothless, you lost your wife." Her arm found its way on his shoulder, their eyes locking. "Its fine if you're still hung up on it."

"I'm alright, Meatlug, I promise." He smiled sadly. "I'm more worried about Talon. How is he?"

"He's turning into you." She chuckled slightly. "He's alright, from what I can see. He doesn't talk much to his classmates, though. Usually replies with 'okay' and that's it."

"It's been two years..." He said to himself, looking down.

"Hey," Meatlug said, placing a hand on his bicep. "It's not your fault he's still dealing with this, so don't blame yourself. Some adults have a harder time getting over the deaths of their loved ones than Talon so be proud he's making some progress, even if a little." She smiled at him sadly and he returned it.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay, you're right."

"I usually am." Toothless chuckled at that. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I got some kids that need to settle down." With a 'see you later' from the man, she left.

He sighed. He should probably get back to work too.

~°•~°•~°•~°•

Elsewhere in Berk, up the hills about a dozen blocks away from the school area, was a father rushing to get his kids to school. Oh how he sometimes wished Astrid was still living here.

"Zephyr! Nuffink! Breakfast in the car!" He yelled, trying to tie his laces while standing.

"Shotgun!" His daughter yelled, running down the stairs with toast in her mouth.

"You were shotgun yesterday!" His son ran after her, toast in his mouth too, with his bag in his hand.

"Come on, we're late!" Finally, Jay 'Hiccup' got out, his own breakfast between his teeth as well, as they all got into the car. "How did we all oversleep?" He asked himself quietly as he pulled out and stepped on the gas, going over the speed limit just a little bit.

"Zephyr forgot to set the alarm!" Vernon 'Nuffink' pointed a finger at his sister, who was in the front seat. "She did it on purpose!"

"And why would she do that exactly?" His father asked, glancing at his son through the rearview mirror for a second before turning his gaze at the red light.

"So she could get shotgun!"

"Not true!" The brunette protested, turning in her seat to face her brother. "Don't blame the alarm just cause you're slow!"

"Okay, that's enough." Hiccup said, pulling up on the curb. "We'll talk about this later, now get to school." He ushered them, giving them each a kiss on their forehead before they left the car and said their goodbyes.

Toothless watched the interaction at the school door with understanding and warmth. God, it was good to be a father.

"Morning mr Night!" Nuffink said at the gates, waving his hand enthusiastically.

"Morning Nuffink." He ruffled the boy’s hair affectionately when they were close enough. "Hi Zephyr."

"Mr Night." Tyra 'Zephyr' greeted with a smirk, fake posh etiquette in her voice and stature. The man chuckled at that.

"Off to classes before your teachers write you as absent." And with that they were gone.

Toothless turned to see that their father was still there on the curb, looking at the janitor. He smiled awkwardly and waved, making the ravenette chuckle again and wave back. With that, their father left to his work and Toothless went on to clean the gardens.

It was a peaceful autumn indeed.

~°•~°•~°•~°•

"Gobber, I am so sorry I'm late." Hiccup said, practically flying over his desk. He immediately put away his satchel and picked up his scattered papers of drawings and projects and to-do lists and put them back on his table, grabbed his uniform and to the bathroom he went to change.

"As ye' should be!" The man replied, sliding from under the car he was working on.

"I'm only ten minutes late though." He replied, finally coming out of the restroom and going to work on the broken clock someone brought yesterday. "The alarm didn't go off and I had to take the kids to school today-"

"Yes, yes, I know yer sched'le." His mentor replied, grabbing a tool he needed from the side before sliding back under the car.

Hiccup only chuckled breathily, very happy that he had such an understanding employer -it might've had to do with the fact that he knew him since he was a toddler, but that's not really important right now.

Work that day was pretty fast for a Monday- and slow at the same time.

There weren't many people who came by, which was odd, but not unusual, and Hiccup found himself already finished with the clock not half an hour later. This gave him some time to work on a few personal projects he had on the side.

He'd get up and help Gobber with the car here and there just to get a different scenery in front of him and come back to his projects with fresh eyes.

Noon came about rather quickly and the hours before that were full but unrushed.

Fishlegs stopped by as he usually did around that time to bring Hiccup his lunch. It became somewhat of a tradition because of that one time he forgot he needed to eat, and because he had such a caring friend -with a mother that always goes overboard with her kid's lunch boxes- he always had a full stomach every day.

His friend worked at the one library that Berk has, not that many go and visit it.

It had new books delivered almost every two weeks and Fishlegs just couldn't wait to get his hands on them every time. It was safe to say that he has read everything he has in his library. Well, possibly in all of Berk, too.

The only people that ever did go to the library were Hiccup -when he needed to get a reference from something for his projects or to just kill time reading a book and/or talking to Fishlegs- and the students from the schools.

Speaking of, it was just about the same time when his lunch would start that the kids would be let off from school- at least those who had the first shift.

Toothless smiled as some of the students ran through the gates, some needed to get somewhere, others just to get away.

He saw his kids talking to the Haddocks as they were getting closer to where he stood by the fountain.

"Dad?" Melody asked, stepping in front of him, her siblings and friends following suit.

"Yes?" He asked, pausing his work with the broom in his hand.

"Mr Hookfang gave us a project that we need to finish in two weeks, can Zephyr and Nuffink come to our house?" She asked as Toothless sighed.

Alexander Hookfang. No one called him by his first name. He's also known around the schools as 'Monstrous Nightmare' because he gave the most projects and the worst grades. Toothless was surprised it took him so long to give his students their first assignment.

"Of course." He smiled and ruffled his girl's hair. "Just don't forget to eat- and actually do the project. I can't keep bailing you out just because I know your teacher." He said as he waved goodbye to his kids and their friends.

Man, that man could be a pain in the ass sometimes.

"Yo, Toothless!" Speak of the devil. "Come here a sec!" Translation: I need your help with something, but I gotta keep face so I'm asking indirectly.

The ravenette shook his head. He was one of his best friends none the less.

"Coming!" He replied, walking up to the school's doors.

~°•~°•~°•~°•

The next hour went by fast for Toothless. He was at his locker room when he realized where he was. His body just seemed to move on autopilot. He chuckled to himself.

He closed his locker door with his uniform inside as he greeted York, the guy of the second shift.

His walk home was even shorter and he was not surprised to see his kids bantering over their food. The Haddock kids were nowhere in sight.

"What happened?" He asked as he pecked each of their temples.

"Melody made my noodles spicy again!" Claws pointed at his sister accusingly.

The girl just hid her grin behind her chopsticks.

"Melody." Toothless warned gently.

"I'm sorry, but it's funny to watch!"

"I know it may be funny, but it's not." He picked up his youngest, putting him on his hip as he walked to the kitchen. "You wouldn't like it if someone put gum in your hair, now would you?"

His daughter let out an exasperated sigh. "No." She looked down at her bowl, stirring the contents of it.

Claws stuck his tongue out at her over his father's shoulder before turning back to look at what he was doing.

Five minutes later, he had a spicy-free bowl of instant noodles in his hands and Toothless finishing the other one.

"What do you guys wanna do?" He asked as he looked at the time, seeing he still had about an hour and a half left before needing to go to the café.

"Movie?" Melody suggested as they all settled into the couch.

"Movie."

~°•~°•~°•~°•

Ding!

Four o'clock on the dot.

Let's rewind a bit here. About an hour ago, Toothless left to go to his second job at the local café. Stormfly, one of his close friends, had arrived just before he left, having finished her shift a while ago. She usually went to his house to look after the kids when he was at the café and left when he'd come home at eight.

To say that the hour he's been here was boring would be an understatement. There were barely any costumers as people were at work or school from around three till four thirty, and only an elderly lady came in to ask for some tea. There was the usual girl with her headphones and laptop in the corner, sitting and bobbing her head to whatever music she was listening to, but she'd always be there before Toothless arrived and leave a few ten minutes after. He once saw that she was playing some sort of game when he went to give her the check, but that's about it. It could mean that she was the one hogging all the internet, though.

It didn't really matter right now, because he regular just came in, and he already had the coffee of the day brewing.

"Hey." Hiccup greeted, smiling as he pulled out his wallet.

"Got your coffee brewing, it'll be done in a few minutes."

"Thanks." The brunette chuckled, handing him the money as Toothless took it and put it in the register. "Tiring shift?"

"More like boring." The taller replied, resting his elbows on the counter and chin on his hand.

"Tell me about it." The smile on Hiccup's face made Toothless's stomach to flip flops.

"Hey, lovebird! Stop flirting with the costumers!" Barf yelled as Belch laughed, both of them carrying supplied from the supply closet.

Toothless learned long ago not to react to their bait, but it was really hard. "Ignore them." He stood up as he went to finish the coffee his scowling face red.

Hiccup only nodded, flushing slightly as well with a timid smile. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

"Here's your coffee." And just like that, the awkwardness was gone, the brunette smiling as he left and Toothless leaning on the counter again.

"Careful or you might trip running to him." His leg was pulled under him, the twins running away and laughing. Toothless almost hit his jaw on the counter if he didn't catch himself, cursing the two as the went about their teasing. Just wait till they had their coffee.

~°•~°•~°•~°•

And so, the days continued on like the this, Toothless waking up in the morning and going to his first job, the kids either going to school or sleeping in. He'd go back and enjoy a movie or a game with his children or revel in the peace he'd get before going off to the café and waiting another hour before his favorite time of the day finally came. Four o'clock, on the dot, Hiccup would come in and Toothless would have his coffee of the day ready. He'd go home around eight something and talk with his kids about their day before going to bed around ten or eleven.

It was routine and he was happy with it.

Till one Thursday afternoon, a few weeks after the whole 'lovebird' scenario, Hiccup didn't come in at four. Toothless thought he was running a little late, which was rare, but it happened. He waited five minutes, then ten, then fifteen but he never came.

He asked the staff if they had seen him before, but they said he hadn't come in at all.

In the end, the coffee he had made ready was cold by the time he went home.

.....

Hiccup didn't show up the days after, his kids weren't at school, either. His own kept complaining why they were gone, Melody a little worried and Claws say he was bored without Nuffink. Even Talon was showing a little concern at times.

He kept asking around, his eyes and ears always open to catch the brunette, even if by accident, but no luck. It seemed as though he had disappeared.

He finally saw the Haddock kids about a week after, but the car they were in wasn't Hiccup's. Astrid got out of her white SUV, hugging her kids tight before ruffling their hair and kissing their temples affectionately. She said something to them and ushered them towards the school.

Toothless locked eyes with her and, even though she was far, he noticed her bags and red eyes, a sad smile playing on her lips as she waved. He waved back and saw her get in her car again, taking a few seconds before she went off.

"Hey, kids." He greeted gently, the Haddocks smiling at him with the same sad smile. "You guys okay?"

"Y-Yeah. We'll be fine." Zephyr said, wiping her eyes.

He kneeled down and placed a hand on both of their shoulders, saying what he was about to say as seriously as he could. "If you guys ever need anything, you can come and talk to me, you know that, right?"

All the kids did was nod in understanding, going to class once Toothless let them go. He kept looking at the closed doors, remembering the faces the family had. A sudden dread filled his stomach, his feet growing cold.

He prayed to ever God that he knew that nothing bad had happened to Hiccup.

~°•~°•~°•~°•

The bell dinged the next Friday, at exactly four o'clock. When Toothless noticed the time on his phone, he immediately ran outside from the storage room, excitement buzzing through his body.

His stomach immediately fell when he saw Hiccup, disheveled and sad and miserable, walk to the back of the café. He kept sniffing as he passed by, not looking up from the ground. He slumped to the chair in the corner, his hands in front of him as he fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater. He looked so broken and small and alone that it snapped Toothless out of his staring, the man immediately going to fix up his regular's coffee.

He finished the brew in a nick of time, probably hi new record, but he could care less about that now. He took the coffee and went to the corner of the café, careful not to scare the brunette.

He nudged his hand with the cup, Hiccup looking up to see the barista with a soft smile on his face.

"You look like you need it." He said, his smile growing slightly wider.

"Thanks." His voice was slightly raspy. A bad kind of raspy. A sad kind of raspy.

"On the house." Toothless said when he saw his regular pull out his wallet. Green eyes looked up at him slightly wide before gently grabbing the cup with a barely visible smile directed towards it.

"Thank you." He whispered just enough so the other could hear.

"Mind if I sit here?" Hiccup looked up, his puffy eyes sparkling in the sunlight. The barista with beautiful black hair and piercing green eyes was staring at him with this... sincere and... understanding look that he just nodded, looking away and using the sleeve of his oversized sweater to wipe his cheek.

Toothless smiled. He had expected to be rejected and was genuinely overjoyed that he wasn't. He pulled out his chair and sat down, his hands falling on the table and fiddling with his fingers. They sat in quiet. It was awkward.

Okay, he did not plan this far- but, considering his expectations, I suppose he can be excused this one time.

"Life is so unfair." Hiccup spoke, breaking the silence. Toothless was so lost in trying to find a way to start a conversation, he was startled and jumped a little. The shorter man laughed slightly at the small jump. The other smiled.

"Tell me about it." He mumbled, the awkward silence returning. This time, Toothless was determined to break it himself. "You..." he paused for a second, thinking. Should he really say this? Yes. Yes, he should. It was now or never. Come on. "You wanna talk about it?" His shoulder shrugged when he asked, his eyes locking with Hiccup's.

"I barely know you." He chuckled slightly, a gratefulness shining in his grass green orbs.

"Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger." Toothless said with kind eyes and a gentle smile.

Hiccup looked at him, staring into green pools and getting lost. It was true that they were strangers. But were they really? They've sort of known each other for years now, and the barista knows his drink of the day and he had made him laugh or smile or giggle at almost every interaction they've had- and he looked at him with so much understanding that he honestly believed that everything would be okay. So, looking around, seeing that the coffee shop was empty, he took a deep breath.

"My.. My dad worked in the navy.." He began, cradling his cup. He was yet to take a drink from it. "He loved going out at sea- took me with him a few times when I was younger." He chuckled at the happy memories and Toothless smiled. His gut churned though. He had a feeling like he knew where this story was going. "He met my mom there, too. Said it made him the happiest to have that job then." He mumbled fondly. "But.. uhm..." He scratched at his cup, tears welling up in his eyes. His throat clutched like a hand was tightening around it, it's claw-like nails scratching at it. He felt like choking on the sobs that threatened to come up, his cheeks turning red and his arms beginning to tremble. "There was a leak.. Water flowed in.. They were too far down..." His voice kept breaking. "We buried an empty coffin." He whispered, barely catching his hiccups as his hands flew up to his eyes. He bit his lip to try and stop the noises, but it was useless. His body was trembling and it was racking with every stopped sob and choked hiccup. Toothless looked at him with sympathy. He knew what I was like to lose someone to the army.

As quietly as he could, he moved his seat so he was sitting by Hiccup now, facing his way, and placed a soothing hand onto his back. He didn't let the flinch discourage him, instead he moved closer and guided the other man's head to his neck. He blessed his height right then.

He wrapped his arms around his companion, holding him gently. He felt two hands grab at the front of his shirt tightly, his shoulder becoming slightly wet. He let it happen.

Soft whimpers and sobs began to escape Hiccup's clenched mouth, Toothless shushing him and gently patting his hair. The brunette cursed him then because all that made him want to do was cry more.

"It's not fair..." He mumbled, his body still shaking.

"I know..." The ravenette replied, slightly laying his head on the other's.

"It's not fair..." He whispered again, breathlessly.

They sat there like that for a while, Hiccup trying to control his breathing and Toothless holding him.

~°•~°•~°•~°•

"Feeling better?" It's been about fifteen minutes since Hiccup broke down and it was safe to say that honestly, yes, he was.

"Yeah." He mumbled, nodding his head slightly. "Yeah, I'm okay now." He pulled back, wiping his eyes and smiling at Toothless the best he could.

"If you say so." He replied, leaning forward slightly. It was awkward again. "You know... I know how you feel..." The other looked at him. "Coincidentally, my wife and I met at the military as well." He chuckled and so did Hiccup. "We worked at the air force. She was the most amazing creature I'd ever seen, strict yet gentle."

"She sounds really great." He commented.

"She was." Toothless looked down at his hands between his knees, his smile sad. "I lost her two years ago. Plane crashed."

Hiccup was silent for a moment, looking at his companion up and down. "I'm sorry for your loss." He placed a hand over laced ones.

"You, too." The ravenette said, looking at him with sad but hopeful eyes.

"Thank you." He smiled at him, too.

It was quiet for a moment.

"Let me make you another," Toothless said, nodding his head towards the cup on the table as he cleared his throat and got up. He squeezed the hand in his reassuringly one last time before letting go. "It must be cold by now." And he was right, the cup was cold when he took it.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Hiccup said, getting up after him and wiping his eyes again.

"I insist." His smile was warm and welcoming, how could the man say no to that?

"Okay.." He replied softly, the corners of his lips twitching up.

When they reached the counter, Toothless looked around as he got behind it, seeing that the place was empty. Huh. That was weird. There were at least two people in here around this time, excluding his regular and the staff.

"Barf? Belch?" He called out as Hiccup sat in front of him, crossing his arms and looking around as well. He sniffled a little, smiling when he locked eyes with the barista. Said barista smiled back before he turned to look at the door leading to the supply room. "You two in here?" He asked when he opened the door, seeing that the lights were off and no twins were to be found. He shook his head and went back to the counter, opening a cabinet to pull out some materials for a special blend he was going to make for his regular. A note was attached to a jar he pulled out:

'Thought you might want some privacy,

B.B.Z'

He chuckled at the message. Seems the two have a brain after all.

"Everything alright?" He almost forgot about his regular when he looked up, seeing slight concern in the other's eyes.

"Yeah, everything's fine." He shook it off, going to continue his search for the ingredients.

There was silence after that, the only noise made was from the radio that played softly and the blending and grinding Toothless did.

It was a peaceful silence. It was nice and lulling and Hiccup hadn't noticed until then how tired he actually was. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his forearms, letting the pleasant noise and the barista's occasional humming calm him enough till he was on the verge of sleep.

"You still with me?" He lazily opened his eyes when he heard that soft voice, sitting up and looking at a smiling face. It was a nice face.

"Yeah, I'm here." He nodded, rubbing his eyes and yawning slightly. He was really tired. The chuckle sent his way felt like heavenly music to his ears, it making him smile as well.

"Here." A cup was placed in front of him, its warmth very welcomed. He brought it close to his face, smelling the lovely aroma. "It's a special chocolate blend I give to my kids when they're upset. Cheers them right up." He groaned when he took his first sip, his eyes looking mesmerized as he drank a few more.

"This is really good." He said when he placed the cup down, locking eyes with bright green. "What'd you use?"

"I said it's a special chocolate blend and that's all you're getting." They laughed lowly, the atmosphere lifting up even more.

"Okay, okay." Hiccup said, taking another sip. "I won't ask again." Toothless hummed and went to clean the counter while his regular finished his drink.

Another comfortable silence fell upon them, the only noise coming from the few cars outside and the AC that was warming up the place. The golden walls of the cafe made Hiccup feel like he was being caressed by the sun itself, a warmth of sorts filling him up on the inside.

Or maybe it was just the drink.

"Thank you." Hiccup said, the cup at his lips and eyes cast down at the counter.

"Hmm?" The barista looked up, his hand stopping for a moment. He was had been lost in his mind, the world around him moving slowly and peacefully.

".. For listening..." The shy smile on his face was hidden by the cup, a light blush dusting his cheeks. For Odin's sake, he was a middle-aged man acting like he was in high school again.

"Of course." Toothless said, smiling wide again. "Glad I could lend an ear." Hiccup's smile widened slightly. He frowned a second later.

"Have.. Have we been formally introduced yet?" The brunette asked, looking a bit uncertain and awkward. "I know we know each other because of school gigs and stuff, and I think I might have known you from my school days, but still, I just thought that-"

He's rambling. How cute.

"Dean 'Toothless' Night." He offered a hand, abruptly stopping the other man from getting carried away.

"Jay 'Hiccup' Horrendous Haddock.. The third..." It felt weird introducing himself with his full name since he never usually did that. Another blush coated his cheeks as he scratched at one of them with a nervous smile.

"Wow, the third." Toothless chimed, letting go of the calloused yet soft hand.

"Yeah, my family has a long lineage." He chuckled.

"But why 'Hiccup'?" The ravenette asked, forgetting all about cleaning the counter and leaning on his forearms on it.

"Oh Gods." The one in questioned laughed. "When I was younger, I used to get the hiccups about everything- when I was excited, when I was happy, when I was sad- especially when I was nervous. Gods, how my cousin used to make fun of me." Still does, actually. "Why 'Toothless'?"

"Oh boy. See, when I was younger -I don't know, about seven, maybe?- I got into my first fight and six of my teeth fell out. They started calling me 'Toothless' after that, but I handed their asses to them the next day. Got the nickname 'Night Fury' a few years later." Hiccup's eyes widened.

"'Night Fury'!" He exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and forwards into Toothless. Their noses where close to touching but it seemed that only the latter had noticed.  "That's where I know you from! I knew you looked familiar!"

"Really, now?" He chuckled nervously, moving slightly away from the closeness of the whole situation. Not that he really minded, though.

"Oh man, people used to make up stories about you!- like how you split a rock in two with your bare hands- and how you fought with the dragons in Dragons Cave- oh! And people used to say that you could fly, too!"

"And you believed all of that?" The excited sparkle in Hiccup's eyes dimmed a little as he sat back down in his seat, an embarrassed blush appearing on his cheeks.

"Uh... maybe?" He replied, scratching his neck. "I mean I was like eleven at the time, probably, so who wouldn't believe it? I saw you flip a guy almost twice your size, I didn't dare not believe the rumors."

Toothless chuckled, leaning back on the counter. "The prick probably had it coming."

"I think you twisted his wrist and broke a few of his fingers."

"Like I said, he probably had it coming." He picked up the cloth again, going to wipe the counter.

"You changed a lot, though." Toothless snorted.

"Look who's talking."

"I'm serious!" Hiccup replied, straightening his back. "You used to be this dark, emo kid with black eyeshadow and black clothes and all around terrifying to an eleven year old."

"And you looked so nerdy with your glasses and knitted vests over your green sweaters. I have to say, puberty has done you good." Toothless didn't know if he was flirting, but judging by the blush Hiccup seemed to have on constantly, he'd guess he wasn't doing a bad job.

"You, too." He murmured, scratching at his cup as he took a sip, his eyes averted to the side.

The ravenette tried not to snort again, instead focusing back on the counter. "Thanks."

"No prob." He seriously just dug himself into a hole here. When the brunette finally had the courage to look up again, he also noticed the clock behind raven locks. He saw it was quarter past five, his eyes widening. "I should get back home. The kids are with me today and I promised we'd have dinner together." He said as he got up, setting the cup down.

"It's okay, I understand." Toothless smiled, taking the paper cup and putting it behind the counter. He could throw it away later. "Come back soon?"

Hiccup nodded, promising that he will, and left with a wave.

Toothless didn't know how to feel. On one hand, he relieved that nothing bad had happened to his regular, but on the other, he just couldn't shake the horrible drop in his stomach. He knew hoe it felt to lose someone close, so he knew what Hiccup was going through, but that also opened up fresh wounds.

It's only been two years, but it'll always hurt, regardless of how much time has passed.

~°•~°•~°•~°•

Routine came back, more or less, with his greeting the Haddock kids in the morning and his regular coming at four. He told his kids what had happened with the permission of Hiccup, of course, and they understood immediately. They became more sensitive and supportive of the Haddock's situation, and he didn't know whether to feel pride or feel sad that that understanding came from personal experience.

Still, he was more or less grateful that the days seemed to calm down as weeks passed, the chill Autumn air chilling even more. The cold couldn't dampen their mood, though, because there was a new addition to his routine: this time, whenever Hiccup came around, he'd bring him his coffee to his table and talk for the twenty minutes he'd stay, laughing about their day and complaining about their kids.

There were a few moments, mostly at the beginning, where they'd just sit in silence with Hiccup's hand in Toothless's, calming him down and just being there for him. It were the moments like these that he did and didn't like. The pros were having to hold his hand and comfort him when he needed; the cons were that he ever needed that comfort.

It was confusing, but he understood what he felt and what he needed to do. He didn't mind it and Hiccup didn't seem to either, although he always apologized after.

Now, a month after the whole ordeal, they had been sitting at the café when Toothless finally managed to get enough courage to ask Hiccup if he wanted to walk around the park some Saturday afternoon. That's where they were, now, sitting on a bench with their jackets pulled over their necks, and talking about the past week.

Hiccup was telling him something Gobber did last Wednesday that he forgot to say, Toothless laughing at the silliness of the situation. Neither noticed they had come closer, their shoulders and thighs touching.

Toothless told himself that it was because of the cold, but he knew better.

The walks in the park were become semi-routine, as they happened every other or so week on Saturday around one o'clock.

They were the times the two could really relax without the threat of not doing their job hanging over their shoulders and their kids waiting for them at home.

Yes, it was peaceful for a while- till a month later the fire brigade was called.

"Dad, wake up!" A voice was yelling by his ear, Toothless groaning and flipping over. "Dad, come on!"

"What?" He asked, sitting up and looking at the digital clock by his bed. "It's twelve in the morning."

"The fire fighters are at Zephyr's place!" Well, that woke him up.

"What?" He asked, sitting up properly on the bed. "What do you mean fire fighters?" He took his jacket off the rack, running to the door, out to his car and starting it up.

"I don't know, but Zephyr called me and said their kitchen caught on fire. They're all okay." She said as she jumped in the car with him, Toothless pulling out and ramming the gas.

He knew the general direction of where Hiccup's house was, but he asked his daughter either way as she's been there more than he has. When he finally turned the corner and saw the house, a third of it was burned, presumably where the kitchen was. His breath left his lungs in a relieved sigh when he saw Hiccup and his kids standing on the other side with a few other people looking at what was happening.

"Toothless?" Hiccup asked once he saw the car and the ravenette get out, two strong arms wrapping around him.

"Thank Gods you’re okay." He said as he tightened his hug before letting go, keeping his hands on his shoulders. That's when he looked down and kneeled in front of the Haddock kids, holding their shoulders and saying how relieved he was that they were fine.

"How'd you get here?" Hiccup asker as Toothless stood up, letting Melody hug her friends. "I mean, how'd you know? Don't you live on the other side of town?"

"Melody told me. Zephyr called her." He explained. "How did this happen?" He looked confusedly at the house before at the brunette standing in front of him.

Hiccup sheepishly, and a little guiltily, rubbed his neck. "I think I left the stove on after dinner. I don't know how I forgot, but here we are." Toothless sighed.

"Where are you gonna stay now?" There was no chance the kitchen could be used in that condition. Hel, one wall was so burnt that there was no chance the cold air wouldn't start drafting about the rooms.

"Well, Astrid is off the island a lot and she usually stays with us when she comes, and my mom decided to go with her, and she has a house up on the mountains, but it's too far away and it'll be really cold soon-"

"Can they stay with us, dad?" Melody asked, coming up beside her father.

"What?" Hiccup snapped out of his thoughts, looking a bit alarmed. "Oh, no, we couldn't-"

"It's fine." Toothless replied, rubbing his daughter's head. "Pack up your stuff as soon as you can and let's go."

And that's how, twenty minutes later, they were all walking up the stairs and into the huge house, Hiccup thanking him endlessly about his hospitality.

Claws was in the kitchen when they entered, snacking away at something he found in the cupboards. "Dad? Nuffink?" He asked, looking at the confusedly. "What are you guys doing here?"

"So, you're the one who's been eating my cereal." Toothless accused, putting the bags down and snatching the box away, putting it up on a higher shelf. He brought Claws in front of him and smiled. "Would you mind sharing you room with Nuffink for a bit? They had an accident at their house so they're gonna stay here a while."

"Really?!" And just like that, his pouty face was gone as he ran to Nuffink and pulled him towards his room, the two boys very excited to spend the night together.

"And no playing games, you go to bed right away!" Toothless said as he ran after them, stopping at the stairs in the hallway. He promised to check on them later to make sure they were actually sleeping.

"Dad, we're going to my room." Melody said as she, too, ascended the stairs with Zephyr in tow.

"Go to bed, alright?" She nodded her replied and disappeared around the corner. This just left Toothless and Hiccup, alone, in the living room. "You can have my bed; I'll sleep in the living room."

"No, you don't have to, I can sleep here." Hiccup said as he sat down on the grey-ish green couch, his form slumped and hands between his knees. His look was distant and his brows pinched ever so slightly. Toothless sighed with a small smile, his face sympathetic as he sat down beside his companion. He took a hand in his two, gently holding it.

"Hey. It's alright. Things like this happen."

"We were having such a good day yesterday. I ruined it. I should've been more careful, Toothless." His voice was wet.

"Well, when people are happy, they can get distracted." The other tried to reason.

"What if something happened to Nuffink and Zephyr?" His eyes widened as he finally looked up at Toothless. "I couldn't live with myself. Not after- not..." His voice was breaking as tears started to blur his vision.

"Hey, stop thinking like that. There's no point in thinking about the 'what if's. It's over. No one was hurt." He pulled the brunette into a hug, holding him tight as he began to shake slightly.

"I was so terrified.."

"I know." He replied, tightening his hug. "Hey,, He gently nudged the other so he could look him in the eyes while still holding him. "We don't have to go to bed right away. You wanna watch a movie?" Hiccup nodded slightly, going to wipe his eyes.

Toothless smiled and gave one last squeeze before standing up and turning on the TV, putting the disk in and switching around the files for the most recent movie they had on it. He clicked on a cartoon Claws had wanted to watch and paused the film, going to the closet in the corner and pulling out blankets and pillows. With chips in hand from the kitchen cupboard, he went into the nest Hiccup made and settled in, clicking play.

The movie began as the two squished even further into the puffy blankets and soft pillows, Hiccup ending up leaning against Toothless twenty minutes into the film. Twenty more minutes later, he was fast asleep with the ravenette's arm around his shoulders, close to dozing off as well.

A few hours later, their kids found them in the pile of blankets, pillows and chips on the couch and Melody made sure to take pictures.

#toothcup #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #toothless #httyd #astrid hofferson #fishlegs ingerman #gobber the belch #Stoick the Vast #zephyr and nuffink #zephyr haddock #nuffink haddock #light fury #hookfang #meatlug #stormfly #barf and belch #coffee au #coffee shop au #alternate universe #modern setting #fluff and angst #character death

[hollandsmoose]

star-crossed (part 4)

A/N: Thank you so much for all the feedback on part 3! So grateful for all the support on all the parts of this series! This is the final part, and I'm honestly so emotional about posting this. So here you go, lads, here's 2.4k of pure fluff! Love you guys!

part 3

—————–

Eventually, Friday comes along, and that means that Shawn has to leave your apartment for the first time since arriving a few days before. The event he mentioned is a record label party, and though he begs you to let him stay home, you don’t give in.

You do - however, find it difficult not to give in to him later in the evening when he’s changed, and you see him in his midnight blue suit, first two buttons of his white dress shirt unbuttoned. Your determination is still strong, though, so you do manage to practically push him out the door, giving him a quick kiss.

Saying goodbye to Shawn seems hard now, but you know there’s an even harder goodbye coming up. He had quite reluctantly told you about having to fly to Toronto Monday morning, explaining that he had to go back for his mom’s birthday. As much as you want him to stay in Los Angeles with you, you know that he has to go. 

Maybe it’s a good thing, you tell yourself, I can spend my time alone to figure out what to tell my agent. You and Shawn both fear having to come clean to your agents. There’s no knowing what they’ll say. It's not that they are bad people or anything like that, but the two of you getting “back together” means that they will have to do a lot of extra work. You wouldn’t blame them if they got just a little angry.

When Shawn is gone, you can’t help but feel somewhat lonely. You’ve had his constant company and affection for several days now, and the apartment just feels so empty without him. You settle on the couch, putting on an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, needing a distraction.

—————–

You’re half asleep on the couch when you hear the door open, signalling Shawn’s return. There are two audible thuds as his shoes are kicked off, followed by the sounds of his feet carefully padding on the hardwood floor. A quick glance at your phone tells you that it’s only 11.30 pm, and he really shouldn’t be back this early, barely three hours after leaving.

“Hi, baby,” Shawn greets you when he sees that you’re awake.

“Hi,” you reply, sitting up a little straighter. “You’re home early.” He smiles and nods, then he joins you on the couch.

He puts his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer. “I missed you,” You know you should reprimand him for not staying at the party a while longer, but you can’t even pretend to be mad.

You snuggle into his warm body. “I missed you too,” He presses his mouth to yours for a short, chaste kiss, and it’s easy to taste the whiskey on his lips.

Shawn is not yet legal, not yet old enough to drink here, but it’s never stopped him. In Hollywood, the rules have never stopped anyone. You can’t count how many people you know here who break the law on a regular basis. It really is the norm.

“You tired?” Shawn asks, offering you a sympathetic smile.

“A little,”

“Wanna go to bed?”

“Yeah. Don’t wanna sleep just yet, though,” His eyes widen at your suggestive comment, but then he laughs, shaking his head slightly. “Fine by me,”

—————–

“I want you to go to Toronto with me,” Shawn says the next morning while you’re both in the bedroom getting dressed. You’re about to protest, but he speaks again. “I know, I know. It’s very out of the blue, but I’m gonna be miserable without you.”

“Shawn,” you sigh, trying to be rational, though his words cause a flush travel to your face. “We can’t just go to Toronto together,” You pull on a pair of loose-fitting pants, aiming to be cozy. “There are gonna be paps in the airport, and you know it. Besides, we haven’t even told our agents yet.”

A mischievous smirk appears on his mouth. “What if we didn’t tell them?”

You squint your eyes, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Why don’t we mess with them?”

“Them?”

“Our agents,” he explains, rather excited by his idea, and it’s incredibly endearing to see his boyish grin. “Let’s mess with them. You know, not tell them about us and just show up at the airport together,” He pulls his Nike gym shorts up his long legs, and then he looks at you, a glint in his eye. “It’ll be fun!”

You’re not entirely sure how “fun” it’ll be. You’d already pissed off your agent when you had run home from New York, and you don't want to test her patience. Maybe she deserves to have it tested, a tiny voice in your head says, after all she was the one who started this mess. After some consideration, you huff out in defeat.

“Fine,” you say with a small smile, and he returns it with a large one. “But before you ask, I’m not coming to your mom’s birthday,” He stares at you in wonder, and you know you’ve taken the words out of his mouth. “It’s a family thing.”

“First of all... how did you even know I'd ask you that?” Shawn asks, laughing. “And second of all, “family thing”?” 

“Well, it's a family event, you know?”

“So?”

“You get so little time with your family,” you explain, and you put on a fresh t-shirt. “I don't want to… well, I don't want to disturb you guys,” You shrug. “And your mom probably won't want me there.”

“What are you talking about?” he says and rolls his eyes playfully. “My mom really likes you. My whole family does!” You sigh heavily, but you can’t help the smile that creeps onto your lips. “I’ll talk to my mom, okay? But if she says yes, you’re coming - whether you like it or not.”

You fake exasperation, rolling your eyes too. “Fine,”

—————–

As you had predicted, there are paps at LAX. In fact, there are a lot of paps. Upon seeing you and Shawn together, it’s almost like they go into shock for a few seconds, but those seconds are all the peace you get. They pull up their cameras after the initial shock has worn off, and then the flashes start going off.

Shawn squeezes your hand with his own, intertwining your fingers. It’s comforting; it makes you feel safe. You attempt to block out all the shouting and all the questions, but it’s not easy. Shawn squeezes your hand once again, and you look up at him. He’s smiling down at you with so much love in his eyes that it actually makes you feel a little dizzy. 

You’d been lucky enough to get two tickets next to each other on the same plane. You had really not thought it possible, having to buy tickets with such short notice, but it seemed like the universe was on your side. 

Therefore, the two of you - thank God, get to cuddle for the entirety of the flight, a solid five hours long one. You don’t necessarily mean to fall asleep, but you’re so exhausted that you can’t help it. Since your first time, you and Shawn have not exactly been abstinent. It’s hard to think of a surface in your apartment that - at this point, hasn’t been the location of some sort of sexual escapade. It’s a rather impressive feat, truth be told. 

When you wake up again, it’s because Shawn is shaking you ever so gently. He explains that the plane is landing soon, so you start to gather your things, packing your carry-on bag. 

“Hey,” Shawn says quietly, catching your attention. “When we land, there’s gonna be fans in the airport,” You wonder why he’s telling you; you already know that. You couldn’t spend seven months with him and not know that a horde of fans would be waiting everywhere you went. “Let’s not stop for pictures, though.”

That honestly surprises you. You can most definitely count how many times he’s declined photos with fans on one hand. You’d told him off before for not being more strict with them - especially the airport people. There are always new faces among them, but they are far fewer than the regulars. Somehow, they always have Shawn’s exact flight information, and it honestly freaks you out. 

“That’s fine,” you assure him and run a hand through your hair, which is fairly tangled up at this point. “I’d prefer not to take pictures, to be honest. Pretty sure I look like I’ve died.”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “You look beautiful,”

You roll your eyes, giving him a small smack on his bicep. “Don’t lie to me. I look like a corpse,”

“A very beautiful corpse, then,”

—————–

It’s not until you’re in Shawn’s condo that you get that fateful call. You fail to answer your phone the first time, not getting to it in time, and not even a second passes before it rings again.

“What the fuck?” your agent says before you can even get out a word. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Her voice is shrill, and you can sense the confusion and frustration in it. “What the hell are you and Shawn doing together? Why are you holding hands?” You try to give her answers, but she keeps going. “What the fuck is going on?”

“Well, hello to you too,” you joke, attempting to lighten the mood, but you’re not sure it helps at all. “Please don’t be mad at me,” It’s not a plead you can expect her to give in to. “I can explain everything, I promise.” This is the moment Shawn comes into the living room, and he only has to take a look at you with your phone to understand what’s going on.

Your agent huffs out. “You better, then,” Shawn comes to sit beside you on the couch while you tell the whole story, his hand stroking your thigh in an effort to calm you. You give your agent the full details of everything that’s happened, and at the end it’s like her anger has dissipated, a relieved sigh escaping her.

“I can’t pretend I’m not still a little mad,” she admits on the other end of the line. “This is gonna have to be spun in exactly the right direction to be good publicity. It’s a lot of work,” You feel a little bad, but then she laughs. “Though - personally, I’m happy you guys are back together. Even if it makes me feel like a terrible person for forbidding you to fall in love and all that,” Both Shawn and you can’t help but laugh as well in response to that. “But, hey. I’ll talk to Andrew, and we’ll figure it out. People loved that Selena and Justin shit, so maybe they’ll love this too?”

“Thank you,” Shawn answers her, grinning at you. “We’re sorry for pulling a fast one on you guys.”

She chuckles briefly. “Yeah, well, just don’t ever do it again, because I will actually kill you,” You really don’t think she’s joking.

—————–

It’s rare that your nerves get the best of you like this. You’re tapping your foot against the floor mat, your heartbeat rapid as Shawn turns the wheel, pulling into the driveway of his parents’ house. You’ve met his family before, of course, but under entirely different circumstances. Back then, you were his “girlfriend”, and now you are his actual girlfriend - no quotation marks needed. 

You’re aware that Shawn has given his parents a run-down, having heard him telling them about your relationship over the phone. So they know what there is to know, but that only makes you worry that they won’t like you anymore. After all, you had been the one to run away with no explanation, breaking their son’s heart in the process.

It’s a worry with not much foundation, you discover when you’re received with an excited bear-hug from Aaliyah who comes to greet you both in the driveway. You can tell she’s being genuine when she says how glad she is to see you again, and it calms you right down. Inside, you’re met in much the same way by Manny and Karen, and you make sure to wish her a happy birthday. You frankly enjoy how she also makes sure to tell you how happy she is to have you here. 

All your anxiety about coming here evaporates in the course of a few minutes, as you’re happily led around the house by Karen who introduces you to the other members of Shawn’s family that you haven’t met yet. It’s perhaps a little overwhelming, but Shawn is by your side the whole time, keeping his hand on your back. He’s always been able to make you feel at home, and just that tiny little gesture has you feeling that way in an instant.

While Manny makes dinner a few hours later, Shawn takes your hand and almost pulls you upstairs, bringing you to his old room. It’s not your first time in there, but there’s a different feeling to it now. It’s like being teenagers again, sneaking off to his room for some alone time.

“Shawn!” you whine halfheartedly, pushing at his chest when he comes in for a kiss. “We can't just leave them all downstairs!” He only laughs and shrugs, sitting down on the edge of his bed. You take the chance to explore a little, looking at all the pictures and posters with great curiosity. You'd never really given them much thought, but now you can't help but think of them as some sort of window into his childhood. You linger particularly on an adorable photo of him with his grandmother, and he seems to notice.

“She really likes you, you know?” Shawn speaks, making you turn to face him. “My avó. She told me that while you were in the kitchen with Mom,” A blush adorns your face, and it's only intensified by his next words. “She also said you have good birthing hips - whatever that means.” You giggle at his grandmother’s observation, hardly knowing what it means yourself.

“Well, I'm glad to hear that,” you say, moving to stand in front of him. “Not gonna put them to use just yet, though.”

His hands find your so-called good birthing hips, fingers digging in. “I'm not expecting you to. But they are nice hips,”

You smile at his poor attempt at flirting. “Thank you. Grew them myself,” He returns your smile and pulls you closer until you're straddling him. There's no underlying motive this time, however. He just wants you close. You press a kiss to his forehead, resting your face in his curls.

“I love you,” Shawn says.

“I love you too,” you answer because you do. You really, really do.

—————–

@infiniteshawn @flickershawn @crazyhousemomslife @muffinmendussy @shawnficrecs @fallininyou @peachnpomegranate @rishlo @sauveteen @shawnkillsmeanyway @chambers1998 @couple100miles @mendesftoakley @shawn-mendes-thirst @nikitarosemay

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