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boxwinebaddie · 7 months

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uncle neen!!! i love that ravenstan is a nasty gremlin boi irl but if you put him in the raven outfit he gets hot lmaoooo

NO BUT ACTUALLY!!!!!! LITERALLY!!!!!!!

like that man is a...disgrace. like ravenstan walks into an arizona taco bell at like 3 o clock in the morning absolutely trashed could not drive thru the drive thru wearing the kuromi spa headband he got at tj maxx for like $5 on the record label credit card ( best purchase he's ever made ), the pink hot topic death metal shirt, the red and black plaid pajama pants that are literally RIPPED in five places and the fuckin chanclas, whipping out his sailor moon wallet like..."i will give you literally ANY amount of money for a baja blast rn"

and the fucking awkward college kid working there is like "uh, sir it's only $2.39...u gave me a $50 bill" and ravenstan just like kisses that young man on the head and is like "keep the change jeremy I Love You you just saved my LIFE!!! please put some extra Baja in it for me Hermoso besito besito besitooooo <3~ also how would u like a free $500 front row ticket to see crimson dawn???"

literally looks so homeless that you...literally cannot tell he is famous and you DEFINETELY can't tell that's raven of crimson dawn, help!!!

but like he puts on The Raven Cosplay and everyone is like pleeeeease your hand in marriage!!!! ILL DO ANYTHING sahldskjds

like...oh my god

OKAY.

so like the first time crimson dawn was going to preform in concert like waaaaay back whenever, like a day before that, they were testing what their on stage outfits would look like on

( yes before they were famous they were on their broke boy shit and living in an apartment that was bad if not worse than blondies so they Understand The Struggle...they also drank A Lot of cheap tequila )

and raven was in the bathroom like "guys...idk about this. i am embarrassed!!! i am not coming out!!!"

and kenny was like "babes!!! it's probably not that bad!!! relax!!"

and jimmy was like "yeah plus you already came out GAYVEN you bisexual ass b-b-BITCH!!!" ( roooooooooooasted oh my GOD )

og crimson dawn guitarist like "pls show us!! we will be nice!!"

and hes like "ok ok ok ok......"

and walks out w the dyed hair and the emo boy eyeliner in the little tank top and the fishnet shirt and the PANTS!!! THE PAAAAANTS!!!! and the combat boots like

"shlksadh ok how do i look Please Don't Laugh!!!"

and everyone like looks at each other like "..."

and then is immediately like

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK!!?!?!?!!!!

and hes like oh my god its bad its bad!!! oh my god where is the tequila!!! im gonna throw up aaaaa!!!!! help sahdlkdsah

and kenny is like BROOOO WHY ARE YOU HOT????? and jimmy is like D-D-DAMMMMMMNNNN SON DSLKHDLKHS theyre like crying and throwing up like SHEESH DAMN SHEESH RELAX RELAX RELAX OH MY GOD WHOS MANNNNN IS THAT AHDLKHSD

theyre like do a spin!!!! do a spin!!!!

and hes like oh my god guys sahkdshsd sSHHHSHhshh

and theyre like SPIN SPIN SPIN!!!!!!!! RAVEN RAVEN RAVEN!!!!!!!

raven: *does a little spin*

everyone like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

kenny on the floor like ONE CHANCE ONE CHANCE ONE CHANCE!!!!!!!! everyone is Barking sakhddlasd theyre throwing one dollar bills at him like YOU GOTTA PICK THEM UP SDKHSKDL

it was so unserious oh my god!!!! they gassed him up so much oh my god he was blushin i love it here i love raven simp-son dawn <333

but yeah no he really....looks so haggard like a depressed college student going thru a break up watching anime for like 16 hrs straight...but is so fIONE on stage...comedy....amazing.

-uncle nina, obsessed w my lil tragic emo boy fashion disaster son

#this is soooo sahdlksahdsa #im laughing im crying #they were like YOOOOOOOOO CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER BARK BARK BARK SHEESH AWOOGA #sahdlksadlsahd #he was shook god bless them he was so nervous #they were extremely wasted that night #crimson dawn x tequila #and they were broke so they were drinking rubbing alcohol it was so foul they were so sick at that concert #but yes....he really is...a menace #but he is my menace #and crimson dawns menace #he really is so beautiful he just never washes his face or his hair has bad posture and never tries ever #but u wash that mans hair one time put him in clothes that fit him n every1 is like HELLO???? PLS JUST ONE KISS EMO BOY IM ON MY KNEES!!!!#live love crimson dawn and the tiny raven pants...saving lives #also not raven being stannah montana #it really is his clark kent superman moment tbh #*kenny vc* BRO WHY ARE YOU HOT?????#real as hell omg #ok last thing i love broke crimson dawn they were so iconic #they were drinking liters of orange fanta and eating spicy hmart instant ramen everyday watching game of thrones on their shitty couch #passing around that gigantic jug of carlo rossi sangria made by the devil screaming NOT ROBB STARK MAN WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! in tears

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frownyalfred · 2 years

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not me wanting to put a “babe this isn’t you 🥺🥺🥺” scene in bloodletting now

#it would work so well #but also #I’d laugh my ass off writing it #bruce wayne #batman #dc #batfamily #superbat #clark kent #superman #bloodletting #I STILL haven’t written that sparring scene damn #ask if anyone’s curious my cat ate half of my post it notes about bloodletting which is why I haven’t updated yet #hmmmm

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undertheknightwing · 10 months

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I'm always talking about how thinking about Jon and Jon-El's parallels makes me wanna eat cardboard but today I thought about how very different Jordan and Jon-El are when it comes to the whole attention/fame thing is and I just..

#how jon-el never asked nor wanted the fame and attention but his parents pretty much forced him into it after he revealed his powers #then he started to lean into the attention he was getting because he never felt seen or heard in his family #and when his parents tried to parent him he wasn't having it because they never cared about him before #and why should he have to listen to them when they're the ones who put him in these situations #they sold him out to fame and decided they'd rather be his managers instead of his parents #it's not a surprise he pretty much laughed in their faces when they tried to parent him #jordan and jon-el both have 'parents are the reason we act this way' in common #except jordan's is because they babied and spoiled him while jon-el's is they neglected him and ignored his feelings #i'mma stop here because i could talk about jon-el forever #his character is so interesting and complex for only being a few episodes #superman and lois #jon-el

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im-not-buying-it-ether · 10 months

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Headcanons that can and will make up how I write the Marvelous Bats AU I’m trying to actually write

Everyone has a minor upgrade or addition on the powers they have. Eugene has his technokinesis, Pedro is physically stronger than Billy even though they have the same blessing, Darla is faster, Freddy has some minor telekinesis and is better at flying in practice, and Mary’s courage is infectious to the degree of getting people out of being scared frozen in an emergency and getting them to rescue themselves and have the bravery to help others along the way.

Billy and Mary are still twins, she’s adopted by the Bromfields and Billy is newly fostered by the Vasquez’s but they all work and spend time together as a family unit despite the separate home lives

Billy knows how to make portals anywhere with doors, the place just needs to have a door. (He has tried getting the Batcave that way but apparently the car doors of the Batmobile don’t count)

Yes all the Bats know the Marvels identity’s and vice versa, the rest of the League? Nope. Just think Batman mellowed out in his crusade to learn Caps identity

Yes Bruce wanted to adopt Billy, Billy said screw that and Jason pointed out how bad of an idea it would be to have a kid named Batson in the public eye of Gotham. “The Joker can and will try to make a bad joke out of the kid Bruce.” “Yeah Batman, you want me to die in a robin costume of all things?” Bruce just stayed silent for a moment and almost started crying (it’s was only a week later Jason took a good look at the kid and realized Billy is a mini him and Bruce probably didn’t like the Robin comment)

Damian, Darla, and Jon are the true kid hero trinity. Their mission? Chaos

Freddy just about passed out when he met Barbra, the super amazing Batgirl is the super cool lady behind the monitor that’s one of freaking Batman’s most essential teammates? Oh the feeling of finally seeing a super like himself

Tim met Billy and Mary’s parents through his own when he was little, the 3 of them had a very long discussion about cool archeology stuff for a good few hours

Because his hero form is his “full potential” and is very big Pedro asked Jason to help him get from how he is now to his hero form, seeing as his body type was closest. Now they work out together every Tuesday and Friday (school and vigilante work permitting) half of it is actually working out and the other is building Pedros confidence

Batman and Captain Marvel make a point to block and argue heavily against any other Marvel joining the League, Billy is the only one until the rest of the family does meet the age requirement they have. Billy does the heavy lifting expected of the actual Champion of Magic and his siblings enjoy the small town hero life and look out for Fawcett and the Rock when he’s off world, Mary is the defacto leader when he’s gone.

Like how every Bat has their designated Super and sometimes Wonder, they all have a Marvel they hang out with more than others. Mary and Dick hang out and bond over being the unfortunate voice of reason siblings, Darla is the childish influence making Damian act more his age and love doing it. Billy and Bruce are the respective “heads of the family” and Bruce checks in a lot on how Billy’s life is going with the occasional leadership tip thrown in to help with hero work. Jason tutors Pedro when they’re both visiting, if they cross paths on the job they’ll talk sports a lot. Freddy and Eugene talk a lot about strategy’s, games, gadgets, and superpowers with Barbra and Tim.

Tawny and Alfred are golfing buddies, they also build miniatures of flag ships together and talk about their weird family of supers over tea

Eugene has hacked the Bat-computer on multiple occasions, each time to make an edit to any files Bruce makes of the family, mostly something childish like adding “the amazing” or “the super awesome” before their hero names in the files. But one hack he did was into his contingency plans files, which nearly gave Bruce a heart attack thinking there was going to be another accident that would almost kill his friends.

The hack was the change of “Further research needed to figure out a strategy for neutralization, for now the best strategy is to trick or force them into using their trigger phrase to de-transform before incapacitating them” to “let their siblings deal with the situation”

The Justice League’s first introduction to Captain Marvel was during a “Superman is being affected by Red Kryptonite” situation. By the time they caught up to him in Fawcett their resident hero was helping the man up and panicking over how much he hurt him trying to wrestle the Kryptonite off him, they offered him a seat with them by the end of the week after satellite imaging showed that he led Superman into the air after he knocked down a building and delt with him without further damage and Superman’s account that he broke his arm and bruised multiple ribs trying to stop him. Billy was 9 at the time and only had his powers a few months at that time so he had no idea how much he needed to reel his strength in and was panicking too much to properly do so either way in that fight.

Damian was jealous that Billy got into the league so young and Bruce still won’t let him on despite his capabilities but realizes Billy only got so far because of a lie of omission and one event where he severely harmed Superman, he’d call his father an idiot if he hadn’t tried to keep an eye on such a worrying individual

The Vasquez’s know their kids visit the Wayne’s every other day, as do the Bromfields, but only Vic and Rosa know about the superhero part of it all. The Bromfields just think Mary is visiting a girl friend and having sleepovers every so often, they aren’t entirely wrong since she does hang out with Cass and Stephenie but they don’t need to know her whole superhero life. It’s framed as a mentorship so that their kids can do their best with the powers given to them with a healthy amount of encouragement in still being kids and attending school, it’s mostly just the two families spending time with eachother though.

Black Adam used to antagonize the Marvel Family but after a fight with Billy 1v1 he saw he was a child and stopped trying to actively kill him, he’s now their weird uncle figure who pops by to show them some fighting moves and try to tell Billy to stop being the champion until he’s older.

Black Adam is closer to the movie version solely for the purposes of expanding the family size, he looks like his classic comic self but has to shift in morals and backstory he had in the movie

The fight happened in a empty patch of dessert outside Khandaq when Billy was 11, no one on the League knows why they suddenly stopped fighting or why Cap officiated the guys wedding but their happy he figured something out so his city didn’t get torn up every month by their fights anymore.

The hero names and nicknames for the Marvel family are as follows

Billy Batson —> Captain Marvel (Cap, the Captain)

Mary Bromfield —> Mary Marvel (Mary)

Freddy Freeman —> Lieutenant Marvel (Lieu, Captain Marvel Jr. (by one annoying reporter))

Pedro Peña —> General Marvel (The jolly green giant, Greenie)

Eugene Choi —> Chief Marvel (Chief, Master Chief (self proclaimed, never used))

Darla Dudley —> Ms./Princess Marvel (Ms., Missy Marvel, Missy (Used for professional purposes) Princess (Used every other time as her choice of code name))

Adriana Tomaz —> Isis (/got the amulet of Isis as a wedding gift from Darla from the Rock, she didn’t know what it was but is happy she got cool powers with the rest of the family/)

Amon Tomaz —> Horus (/name changed from comics to coincide with the change in family dynamic between him and Adriana from siblings to parent/child/)

Theo —> Black Adam/Khem Adam

Shout out to @thefantasmarex for reminding me how much I love these two families together

#Amon is basically their honorary cousin #him and Freddie talk a bunch about heroes and have fierce debates on if Superman could beat Adam #Freddie wins most those arguments once Billy steps in the room and reminds them he broke the guys arm at 9 #battle for the batson!: Black Adam vs Batman!#winners: the vasques family #Damian has definitely taught Darla how to judo throw someone #it’s not like visiting would be much a stretch anyhow #Fawcett is basically Philly and Gotham is in jersey #just cross one state line and hello besties #or one magic doorway and they pop out of a random door they set up in the cave for that exact purpose #Jason and Billy spitting facts about the target the joker would put up on Billy’s head for the sake of a pun #the sudden influx of kids at Wayne manor on a normal basis and hanging out with his kids is explained away to the media as #Bruce: oh my son Damian made friends out of state who come over every so often #Vikki Vale: so why is this teenager being seen spending time with your other son Jason #Bruce: big brother program #VV: and this 8 year old with Tim drake?#bruce: he’s tutoring him on coding stuff or whatever the kids these days call it #VV: and this boy next to you that’s a dead ringer for the sons you fostered at his age?#Billy: I just tag along for the in house movie theater and his butlers cooking #Bruce: he does #media thinks that Damian is crushing on Darla after she goes to some event with them and there’s photos of them laughing together #but that’s just cause he’s never laughed in public before #much less brought a guest #darlas just happy people are complimenting her mlp purse on tv #Damian is happy hes winning at seeming like a normal kid with the crushing allegations #Cass and Mary practice ballet together #Marvelous Bats AU #shazam #batman #captain marvel dc

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freakwiththeknifecollection · 2 years

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I have a headcanon that Jo makes jokes about Kansas to Dean. ALL the Wizard of Oz jokes, calling him Dorothy or Toto, etc. But also, Kansas being right below Nebraska, I think Jo would make fun of Kansas in general a lot too.

She'd say stuff like "Why do all the trees in Nebraska lean south? Because Kansas sucks." Or "How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kansas? If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."

(For all my non-usa followers, just like with different regions in a country, every state has some prejudice for a neighboring state Minnesota hates Wisconsin, Wisconsin hates Minnesota, New York hates New Jersey, etc.)

#jo harvelle #dean winchester #supernatural #spn #spn headcanons #jo headcanons #Dean gets annoyed by it one time and argues ''You know Superman is from Kansas'' and Jo lets out something of a half-laugh half-scoff and #says ''Superman isn't real Dean'' and he's like ''... I'm just sayin...''#chestervelle #deanjo #dean x jo #jo x dean #dean/jo #jo/dean #this isn't explicitly shippy take this as you will but of course to me it is. in my mind when the convo in the tags earlier happens they're #dating and they're in the car just the 2 of them and they're driving through Kansas on their way to a case and Jo starts ragging on Kansas #I've had that in my wips for literal years idk why i never posted it #well i do know why i didn't think anyone would care to hear it at the time lmao but now that Jo's getting the attention she deserves!!#I'm posting it <3

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jhirowolf · 1 year

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I hope for all that's holy and good that the James Gunn Superman movie will be kinda cheesy, fun, hopeful, bright movie about a dorky farmboy trying to be the best, most hopeful person he can be in this cynical dark capitalistic world that makes rich men and celebrities its heroes, have him be a hero of the opressed, of the everyday folk, have him smile and laugh while flying with the sun shining on his big beautiful smile to fun music with "How to train your dragon" level of cinematography to his flight, have the villian be just a city level thing, Lex Luthor, the personification of everything he fights for, a rich selfish humourless cynic that's doing it for ego and recognition...and please please let it be FUN

#dc comics #dc #superman #clark kent #smallville #metropolis #big blue #man of tommorow #man of steel #i have hope #why does he look so sad? he's all about hope #just gimme how to train your dragon level of #Superman flying through the air #propably unrealistic expectations but i just want to see Clark smile and laugh as he flies during sunrine

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supermanshield · 2 years

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Action Comics #100

#why is this so funny #'go ahead and laugh'#clark kent #superman #action comics #old ass comics

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snickerdoodlles · 2 years

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watched OSP’s diatribe on Superman satire yesterday and I have not stopped thinking about Yagi Toshinori since

#bnha #I’m sure many others have shared their thoughts on the breakdown of Superman in yagi/all might. but *i* have not #and I have SO many thoughts #i didn’t think I had much of an opinion on Superman until I watched this vlog and realized I #a) consumed an impressive amount of Superman content growing up and b) definitely imprinted on him #finally put my finger on why Im so unsatisfied so much of this fandoms hot takes/meta fic/meta/whatever #might expand when it’s not 5am might just sit and stew in these thought #also laughing at myself bc I haven’t been keeping up w the bnha manga since the narrative shifted away from the Superman deconstruction #not intentionally just……..haven’t picked it up in a while #friends send me iida caps so my bases are covered

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sophiasrant · 5 months

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hc that no one on the JL (or any of the teams) will let bats do the heavy lifting, ever

Like one day they need to carry an unconscious Flash after a battle and someone else (who has a broken arm) is like “who is well enough that they can carry him” and Batman, ceo of ignoring his injuries™️, is like “I got this” but his mouth starts leaking blood while he’s carrying flash. Superman (who was holding up a building) x-rays him & is like “YOU HAVE THREE BROKEN RIBS AND INTERNAL BLEEDING. WHY ARE YOU CARRYING FLASH?” “…I am well enough to carry flash”

anyway this applies to all bats. Someone asks if someone else can volunteer to help them lift something and, no matter what, Kon puts his hand over Tim’s mouth bc of the broken leg incident™️. Tim will never even be allowed a chance to make a case or attempt to answer the call.

Someone asks if Robin can help to carry something and Jon immediately replies “no he can’t. I’ll do it tho.” bc Damian once tried to conduct cleanup (lifting pieces of broken buildings and concrete) post alien-invasion with a stab wound (it was multiple stab wounds but only Jon figured that out)

Someone asks nightwing if he can carry stuff to the car and all of a sudden you have eight people shouting “NO” bc he once offered to carry someone’s old 60 pound box TV to storage while he had a gunshot wound. They only learned about the gunshot wound after he fainted & the tv fell on top of him.

Jason leaves before anyone can ask him to help with anything

Edit:

Steph and Cass fight over who carries the thing for the other person, but usually neither of them volunteer. They're gone the second the battle is over. Babs never has to carry shit even if it's a loaf of bread because she goes "wow, really? have the wheelchair bound girl carry shit for you, sure" so the person stammers and she gets away with it every single time.

Duke is allowed to carry things. (Other teams have yet to find out about his injuries.) In fact, they compliment him on being responsible enough to not over-exert himself. He smiles back. (He's trying not to laugh.)

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gallusrostromegalus · 1 year

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So the tire-eating potholes in my neighborhood finally killed both my rear tires and I had to get that dealt with, but while they were getting replaced, I put the dogs in puppy daycare and upon picking them up early, the attendant literally sprinted to the front desk, grabbed me by the shoulders and breathlessly exclaimed "YOUNEEDTOCOMESEEWHATYOURDOGSAREDOING"

While she escorted me back to the play yards, she explained that every time they have more than three Corgi, they have to put all the Corgs in a separate play yard because they turn into a little gang and bully the Very Large dogs by playing Cow Herding Simulator 5000 with them, and especially if Herschel is there, because corgis are bossy-pants dogs, and Herschel has the bossiest pants of them all and acts as leader.

Despite being a little Don Corgleone to the short bitch mafia, Hershcel is also a Huge Baby and will apparently cry and cry and try to climb the fence and cry and eat people's shoelaces and cry if he is separated from Charlie during playtime, so this means any time that "Corgi Party" is happening, Charlie also has to go to Corgi party, despite being full-height, running cat software and a senior citizen. he copes with being Gulliver amongst the Liliputians by climbing onto the roof of the playskool castle they have for a climbing structure in the yard, kicking the ladder down behind him, and stretching out to nap in the sun while the corgi frolic and gambol around him.

Corgi are dogs that make up and play games with secret rules, like kindergartners. "Everyone bark in sync" is a popular game, as is "follow the leader" and it's companion game "March in a circle around a tall structure like ants caught in a death loop".

So what I was greeted with, when the attendant and I snuck out to the play yard, was the sight of Charlie, sound asleep and flat on his back with his paws crossed over his chest because sighthounds sleep in the stupidest fucking positions, on top of a faux-medieval castle with gargoyles on the corners, surrounded by approximately seven Corgi, all trotting in a circle around him, barking in sync.

"They look like they're preforming some kind of ritual!" giggled the attendant as attempted to get my phone to focus.

"Yeah, they're gonna summon Corgtulhu." I said.

Unfortunately, this made the attendant literally fall on her ass laughing, and distracted Herschel and his compatriots, so they didn't get to complete the summons, and I didn't get the pic.

The attendant kept laughing because apparently she's new to puns, and had mostly gotten it under control by the time we got everyone's leashes on and back out to the front.

The manager was watching the front desk, bemused. Did you get to see them doing the ritual?"

"YEAH!" shrieks the attendant, still excitable with merriment. "THEY'RE- THEY WERE-" The attendant ends up giggling on the floor.

"You okay there Katie?" asked the manager with minimal concern.

"We think they were trying to summon Corgthulhu." I eplain, and Katie screams from the floor. "Wasn't gonna work though, you need a virgin sacrifice and Charlie had an STD when we got him."

It was the manager's turn to shriek. and for Charlie and Herschel to start barking in solidarity.

"That's right Charlie! Your sluttiness saved the world!" I told him, as he jumped up and kicked me in the face.

Anyway, that's why Charlie's nickname at daycare is now "Superman(whore)"

---

If you found this story amusing, please consider donating to my Ko-fi or pre-ordering the Family Lore book on my Patreon so I can buy the good dogs more treats.

#Dogs #family lore #Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin #Charleston Chew

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alyakthedorklord · 10 months

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Batman the Playboy

Justice League, not quite early days but before proper identity reveals, though everyone knows Batman knows theirs, bc he has Opinions™ and Constructive Criticisms™ on their secret-keeping.

The issue is brought up on random occasions. The most notable incident- the Justice League, including Batman, being Drunk for Bonding, and Batman, in a fit of paranoid good intentions because he CARES about these idiots, damnit, why must they be so careless, starts insulting them.

Batman, leaning heavily on the table: “GL, you’re a mess, I don’t even know where to start with you. And Arrow! Your goatee is so distinctive, it’s a wonder no one has called you out on it-“

Green Arrow, also drunk: “Alright, there’s no need to insult my awesome facial hair-”

Batman, in despair: “It’s so ugly.”

Green Arrow: (offended noises)

Green Lantern: “Okay, the only reason you know our secret identities is because you’re a rude nosy bastard who needs to know everything about us like a creepy stalker who needs an ego boost! We’re not stupid, Spooky, we’re just polite. We could figure you out easily if we wanted to. Superman can see right through your mask!”

Usually, Batman would have a good response to that. Something smart and reasonable like “villains won’t care for your privacy, I’m testing you,” or something cutting like “I don’t care enough about you to go digging, I set your secret identity as a training exercise for Robin.”

However, Batman is Drunk, because for some reason imbibing drugs that dampen higher brain function is socially acceptable and often, for some reason, expected, because it’s “team bonding” and “come on just loosen up a bit.” (Also for him, drunk=Brucie)

So what Batman ends up saying is: “I could kiss you full on the lips in my secret identity and you wouldn’t know a thing.”

Superman, plucking the glass from Batman’s hand: “Aaaand that is enough alcohol for you!”

Batman nods. Thank God. He wants to go home and sleep. But first: “Superman, yours is so stupid it’s almost impressive-”

———

Of course, Green Lantern has smelled a challenge. And Green Lantern must annoy Batman. It’s his true superpower. So, the next time they meet (sober) he brings up the issue again.

GL: “So about what you said at the party… the part where you could kiss us full on the lips without us knowing. You still confident in that without liquid courage, Spooky? Bet you your real name you can’t do it.”

Batman, regretting the fact that alcohol has ever passed his lips: “I could do it, but I will not.”

Flash, curious: “Why’s that?”

Batman: “Informed Consent. I will not risk making any of you feel violated, or manipulated, for the sake of a stupid bet and my ego.”

GA, still offended by the goatee comment, trying to back Batman into a corner: “So if we give consent, we’re fair game? Try me, Batman. Even you can’t pull this off. Anyone else game?”

Some of the Justice League laughs, raising their hands.

Flash: “Come get me, hot stuff! I’ll call you out!”

Wonder Woman: “It could be amusing.”

Martian Manhunter: “I would be far too difficult a target.”

Green Arrow: “Not just you. C’mon, Spooky, flirting well enough to get a kiss from me? I’m a classy lady.”

Black Canary: “D-class, maybe.”

Superman, wants a kiss in on the fun: 🙋🏻‍♂️

“So that’s it then!” Green Lantern says smugly. “Batman, if you can kiss… how many people raised their hands? Ah yes- HALF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, without anyone realizing it’s you, then you win.”

Batman scoffs and walks out, leaving the Justice League in stitches at their joke. Because- Batman? Being good enough at flirting to land a kiss on half the league, without it being forced or awkward, without them recognizing his body language, his voice, his build? How ridiculous!

The Batman is Autistic. The Batman does not understand jokes, especially not ones that are half truths. The Batman has consent, and something to prove.

And Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and sexy DILF, has targets.

(Please tell me how you think he gets each League member.)

Edit: there have been a bunch of awesome additions in the notes! My own take here.

#a few months later GL brings it up #like ‘ha ha remember funny joke’#batman: ‘…joke?’#justice league #😳#yes joke #autistic batman #batman #brucie wayne #justice leauge shennanigans #batman the playboy

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