#they’re finally allowed to be free and messy and artistic and have a place just for them

[mindofharry]

Be My Baby

In which Prince harry and Princess Y/N are set to marry and are more than happy about it. They celebrate in more ways than one.

AHHHH!!! ITS HERE!!! FINALLY! Prince harry is my guilty pleasure. pls treat him with the respect he deserves. these two are officially my favourite people ever.

fluff & FILTHY SMUT!!!!!! feedback is welcome as always! <3

“Princess Y/N is arriving soon, Harry” Anne, the queen of england said putting down her tea. Harry is the prince, next in line for the throne - Marriage is very important to the throne and for the throne. Anne has been very strict about that, preparing Harry for marriage. Princess Y/N of wales, is who Harry is meeting with today. Hopefully, to settle a deal. Harry has never cared for marriage or for a partner. He’s a lone wolf as his family would describe. But if he wants to be king, he needs to marry. And Y/N is looking like the only option at the moment.

Harry nodded putting the paper down and looking up at his mother. He pursed his lips leaning back in his seat.

“Is something the matter, dear?”

Harry shook his head “No, mother. Just tired” he lied, reassuring his mother. Anne didn’t press any further just got one of the servants to pour her more tea. She could read harry very well, she knew her son better than he knew himself. Y/N is perfect for him. Even if they do not marry, she will be a life long friend. But anne is sure they will marry within the year.

And Queen Anne is never wrong.

Y/N was late.

Harry was beginning to become bored, don’t get him wrong he loves his sister and mother. But he can only take so much. All he wanted to do was to be curled up with a book in the abandoned side of the castle - no one except for the young prince had been there. It was locked up for years before harry found the key, it was like a whole new world in there. It was dirty, messy, filthy - just how harry liked it. He decorated a room in there, and it’s like his safe place from all of this. All of these stupidly important responsibilities. His safe haven.

They were meant to be meeting, talking about their futures together. If his mother thought this was what was best for the country, then harry would push through. He hadn’t see Y/N in years, meeting when they were both much younger. No pressure, just the two kids playing in the fields. Y/N was beautiful, so care free. Harry wished he was like Y/N - the only think she seemed to care about were the moon, the sun and the stars. They never saw each other again after that, they have both obviously seen each other in papers and at events. But never talked. Y/N didn’t know why, neither did harry. They weren’t on the same chapter in life. But now, they’re both willing to do what is best for their country.

And maybe it wouldn’t be too bad marrying a soon to be king.

A servant comes into the dining room bowing at the styles family. Harry waits for him to speak - except a tall girl, bumps into him making the servant fall foward. Y/N (the tall girl) giggled, before clearing her throat and bowing at the styles family. Harry smirked and leaned back. Anne was standing a smile on her face as she saw her soon beaming for the first time in months.

“Your highness” Y/N said bowing, nearly falling down again. But she grinned covering it up. Her dress was long and tight - her mother made her wear it. She would much rather be in a nice flowy dress in the woods right now. Maybe reading about the sun. But her mother needed her to do this, so Y/N would.

Y/N’s father died a couple of months back, it was sudden and no one saw it coming. So her mother needed her to marry as Y/N is the oldest of four girls. They needed a man of the house and once Y/N married, harry would be that man. Y/N didn’t like that one bit. She could be the man of the house if she wanted to. She didn’t understand why they needed a man to pay for things, to do stuff for them. Women are just as capable. But there was no fighting with Y/N’s mother. And Y/N knew she was having a rough time without her husband and Y/N’s dad.

“Princess Y/N, it’s good to have you here” Anne said, as a servant helped her back into the seat. Y/N had the same treatment but she looked rather uncomfortable. She was seated infront of harry, which was glad of. It’s a nice view, she’ll admit. He had grown into his baby face, she thought. And that hair. Fuck, that hair.

“Thank you for inviting me, your highness” Y/N said smiling softly. “Your castle is amazing” She said and Anne nodded pointing around at the paintings. “I actually just got these new paintings in from a new artist in rome. Just beautiful, right harry?” Anne said, giving harry the look. His mother is giving him that look a lot recently, Anne just wants what is best for him and harry just doesn’t seem to care at all. It’s like he’s away from reality. In another universe half of the time. Anne was hoping Y/N would be able to bring him back down to earth, but from her entrance in here - Harry and Y/N are a lot more similar than she thought.

“Yeah, they’re beautiful” Harry said staring at the girl infront of him. Y/N blushed under his stare. She had never felt anything like this before for a man. Her stomach was in knots and her cheeks were getting hotter by the second.

The dinner was nice. It was quiet with Y/N trying to keep up the small talk - Anne was impressed with that. Everyone she had invited to the palace would only talk when spoken to, but Y/N had a certain way about her. She had manners of course, the kindest soul, but she talked. She could talk all day if she was allowed. She just never ran out of things to say. But the food was really good, so Y/N was quieter than usual. Harry had one question: did they feed her in the city? The way she was eating was like she had been starved for years.

“This is amazing” Y/N said putting her fork down. Anne grinned at the girl nodding to herself. She had found a keeper.

“Harry, why do you show Y/N around? She’s going to be staying here for the next couple of weeks” Anne announced and Y/N nearly choked on her water, she tapped her chest.

“I am?-“

“she is?”

Harry and Y/N both spoke at the same time, Anne tutted and ordered the servant to fill up her wine.

“Your mother and I have arranged it. Everything you have is here already, you’ll have your own quarters too. Your horse is being transported down here as we speak” Anne said making new room for arguing. “Y/N your mother said she would be happy for us to host you here if the dinner went accordingly. And i think it went more than accordingly” Anne continued sipping her wine.

Harry and Y/N looked to each other their eyes both wide with amusement and shock. Only their parents would do this.

“Now, run along. Gemma and I have some talking to do” Anne ordered, the servants came and helped the princess and prince up following them out of the dinning room. Y/N was rather uncomfortable with the servants being everywhere, she had a lot more freedom at home.

“Hey, you wanna do something fun?” She asked and harry raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Hey! Intruder” Y/N yelled and the servants looked around quickly, harry was startled when Y/N laughed loudly taking his hand in hers and running down the hallway towards the abandoned part of the castle. Harry grinned and laughed loudly as they ran together.

This girl, he thought.

The door was locked. Harry brought a key out of his pocket and Y/N laughed loudly making harry shush her as he unlocked the door. Quickly they made themselves into the abandoned quarters and giggled to themselves when they heard the servants feet making their way to this side of the castle - but immediately they turned away, knowing that they weren’t allowed on this side of the palace.

Harry was distracted with locking the door, but Y/N was amazed. She looked around at this place and couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her. This place is really fucking amazing, she thought. It’s obviously abandoned, that man she could tell - but it was still so beautiful. Paintings, upon paintings and books at every end. There was high ceilings and stained glass windows giving a nice hew to the room. Y/N brought her hands to her hips and spinned around her dress moving as she did.

“This place is fucking amazing!”

Harry laughed and finally got the door locked popping the key back in his pocket. He moved beside the beautiful girl and didn’t say anything. But Y/N knew.

“You come here often?” She asked and Harry nodded.

“Found it a couple years ago. Think it was my fathers” He said and Y/N sighed looking around.

“It’s beautiful” you’re beautiful, he wanted to say but he bit his lip instead walking in the direction of his safe haven. Y/N quickly caught up placing a hand on his, harry flinched at the touch. This definitely wasn’t allowed. If anyone saw they’d have to marry immediately. But nobody was here, he reminded himself. And with that he squeezed Y/N’s hand a little tighter.

Harry opened the door the room he had been coming to for years now. It had a few chairs, a huge window with curtains on each side, a fire place in the middle and blankets and pillows surrounding the room. Y/N smiled to herself as she saw harry become more himself. It was like this room allowed him to be himself.

“You come in here often?”

Harry nodded making himself comfortable on one of the pillows, Y/N soon followed sitting very close to the prince. Harry had no complaints at all.

“I come here most days. When i need to take a breath, escape my mother and the stupid royal family” Harry said and Y/N giggled leaning in to harry, their lips close.

“I can think of many ways we can escape reality. Why don’t we try one of them?”

Harry let out a sigh and placed his hand on Y/N shoulder, it fell down her arm to her waist. Harry had been with people before, he had kissed and pleasured many, many people. But never did he feel like this. He felt as if she was a goddess, and she would brake it the touch of his finger. She looked almost fragile, like a painting.

“Kiss me, Harry” She ordered and harry wasted no time, placing his lips on hers.

Her lips are soft and gentle, just as harry had expected. He moved his hands up her hips to her shoulders again, Y/N moaned letting harry's tongue into her mouth. Harry groaned and pulled away smirking at that flushed look on her face. He loved it.

Y/N bit her lip standing up, unzipping her dress. She turned around, the only thing she had was a small night dress and corset. Harry cursed under his breath standing up behind her. Everything felt so intimate. They both felt a lot of things, Y/N never wanted this to stop. Harry hugged her from behind, kissing the back of her neck. After a few seconds, Y/N turned around in his hold, holding his gaze. She began to take off her corset and night dress, now bare. She felt confident in Harry's glare, he made her feel good. He sucked in a breath looking down at her perky breasts, her nipples hard from the temperature of the room. He made a mental note to put the fire on after this, Harry knew you two would be in here for as long as you possibly could. He knew his mother would be beyond pissed that they had gone off alone together.

Harry placed a hand on Y/N’s breast, teasing her nipple with his index finger. His rings were cold on her skin making her whimper. Harry smirked at the sound, lowering his head and taking her nipple in his mouth his tongue swirling the nub of it. Y/N’s hands found harrys hair and she tugged on it hard.

“Fuck” She cursed and harry let go with a pop, again he smirked at the sight of the princess. So undone and flustered. Harry absolutely loved it. Holding her gaze, he began to undress unbuttoning his shirt and pants. Heat rushed to his penis, as Y/N watched him undress.

“Want to have you in my mouth” Y/N said, getting on her knees. She knew she would have bruises by the end of this - but she knew it would be worth.

“Don’t make me cum” Harry ordered, Y/N just smirked and pulled his underwear down almost drooling at the sight of his red, cock full of pre-cum. What a sight, she thought. And it’s fucking huge. Bigger than she thought that’s for sure.

She hummed, pumping harry’s rock hard cock. His head flew back, a moan filling the room. Harry wished her hair was pinned back, he needed some to grip. He took both of his hands and gripped the side of her head. Y/N spit on his cock, keeping eye contact with harry.

“Shit”

Y/N licked the tip, running her tongue over the slit, tasting the saltiness of his pre cum. Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head.

“You taste so good” She moaned, finally taking his full cock into her mouth. Her hands began pumping the base of the shaft, as she sucked him off. Harry moaned, but tapped the side of her head.

“Need to be in you, no more foreplay” He said and Y/N pouted whipping her lips.

“But i like having you in my mouth” Y/N argued, harry smirked pecking her lips, tasting himself on them. He hummed in agreement. “Next time, let me fuck you” He said kissing her neck, Y/N sighed and placed her lips on his before crawling over to the fireplace - there was a white sheet layed out. Y/N lay down and harry kissed down her stomach, teasingly kissing her thighs. “You’re definitely wet enough for me, aren’t you princess?” Harry said slapping her pussy, Y/N moaned and nodded.

Slowly, harry thrusted into Y/N making them both whimper. “Fuck, you feel so good” Harry said, kissing your lips. Y/N just moaned, gripping his back and putting her legs around his waist. Harry began to move faster, his hands either side of Y/N.

“Faster” Y/N said and harry complied, pounding into her. The moans coming out of the both them were enough to make them both cum within seconds. And that’s basically what happened. They both climaxed, harry falling down into Y/N’s chest. Y/N only felt pleasure and ecstasy.

Shit, her mother picked a good one.

***

“Fuck” Y/N panted into harry’s mouth as he took against the wall. They were left alone for ten minutes, and this happened. They were looking at the new paintings and architecture Anne had got, browsing around the hall. Harry had convinced the servant that his mother was calling and of course the poor servant couldn’t dismiss it, so they had a good ten minutes while the servant searched for the queen.

Harry pounded into her the paintings on the wall knocking loudly, Y/N laughed loudly making harry put a hand over her mouth.

“Don’t want to attract any attention, do we princess?”

They continued their hot and very messy quicky and then made their way to the gardens. Y/N and harry soon found that the gardens would be another safe haven. Beautiful flowers and when the sun is shining a beautiful place to sit and relax.

They couldn’t wait to marry - seen as harry wants Y/N in his bed, all the time. They fuck like bunnies, it’s amazing how they haven’t been caught as of yet. When they get their own palace, harry will christen to the whole place. They’ll fuck in every corner. Every room. Every library and garden.

Y/N looked at harry smiling as he lay on the grass. No one was around as the servant hadn’t arrived back. Y/N quickly looked around before pulling harry into what she could only assume was a place to keep all the fruit and veg away from foxes. It was closed off and you could lock it from the inside.

“Jesus christ Y/N” Harry mumbled kissing your neck as you leaned back on a bench.

“Another round?” You asked with innocent eyes.

“Another round” Harry confirmed lifting up the bottom of her dress and pushing her down so she was flat on the bench. He kissed up her legs, biting down on her thigh.

He pulled up her night gown and saw her bare pussy, wet and glistening just waiting for him. He could cum at the sight. He moaned kissing her thigh, teasing her.

Y/N tugged at harry’s hair, giving him a warning. “Stop, teasing” She pouted and harry smirked finally making his way towards your pussy.

Y/N closed her eyes when she felt harrys breath against her core. “so wet, princess” Harry said, the vibrations going right through her body making her jerk up a little. Harry loved the affect he had on her, the littlest thing would make her jolt with pleasure.

Harry spread her legs a little more, his tongue licking up her slit. Y/N’s tugged on harry’s hair, moaning loudly. Harry watched her unfold becoming so flushed, but Y/N looked so very beautiful in this light.

He pressed his lips to your clit, flicking his tongue up and down. Your hips moved with his tongue movements, harrys hands made their way to your hips trying to get them to stay in place. You wrapped your legs around his shoulders and began to shake and moan.

“Fuck me” You murmured coming down from your high.

“Oh, i will princess”

The days went on and more fucking occurred. Again they fucked like absolute bunnies. They were sure everyone knew by now, but the servants were way too afraid to say anything. Anne would have everyone’s head if she found out what they were doing.

“I can’t wait to marry you” Harry said laying down beside her in their safe haven. Y/N smirked rolling over on her side. He was so beautiful. His eyes, his freckles, that one dimple that came out when he laughed. She was so lucky to call him hers.

“You just want to have me in your bed everyday” She said and harry pretended to think about. “Hmmm, yeah” He said, making Y/N laugh loudly before pecking his lips.

“Can’t believe you’re mine” Harry said pushing her into his chest. Y/N grinned pecking his neck and looking up at him.

“Forever”

#harry styles #prince!harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles requests

[uelden]

Vanity Fair interview translated

Just a side note before the actual translation; I don't know why, but instead of reporting the full questions and answers in full as she should, the journalist decided to report only summarized fragments of what Måneskin said and patch these fragments up into messy clusters. She also worded a couple phrases in a very confusing way (and yes, she's fully Italian). In short, she did quite a poor job, so the final shape of the interview is not that good. I didn't expect top-tier journalism from Vanity Fair but ffs. You'll see what I mean.

I translated it as it is, adding just a couple footnotes to give you insight on Italian pop culture references.

Translation under the cut

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

by Lavinia Farnese, 09 June 2021

"True justice is being judged for what you do and not for what you are." The ones who are convinced of this are Damiano, Victoria, Ethan and Thomas who, by being the emblem of a generation that is finally free, refuse labels and conformism. In life, in love and on the stage. Where, maybe precisely because of this, they're winning everything

With the still unexpected (first place at Sanremo Festival) and the incredible (triumph at Eurovision) in their eyes, Måneskin are on the sofa of the house-studio they rented - to resume writing songs and rehearsing them - like you are after a won battle: lying in a calm and unreal silence, alert and a bit irreverent, happy.

In the garden there's the tennis table and the pool, the light of summer when it's starting and calming the country all around, and it filters inside from the large windows, and it goes onto the shining black of Ethan's hair, which blends with Thomas' eye shadow and the butterfly he has tattooed oh his naked forearm, which completes the picture of Victoria's golden crucifix hanging between neck and tank top and ends on the black nail polish of Damiano's stretched hands.

It's a human fresco, a Theatre of wrath [translator's note: "Teatro d'ira"] - to call it with the title of their latest album, a platinum record already - where their flaunted 20 years of age, their irregular femininity and virility are grown into proud and challenging custom, a pop glam rock generational manifesto of hard-earned liberties in a finally-unconditional expression of the self.

To watch them from any angle and from another age is to think that a great love will be born in those who'll understand: this new way of being in the world, the true and sovereign realm they hold where "diversity=exceptionality", the power of the artistic and cultural revolution of which they are healthy carriers in establishing in all lyrics and gestures the right to live according to one's own nature past the "people (who) talk, the people (who) unfortunately talk, and don't know what the fuck they're talking about." [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

We go where we're afloat, where the air isn't gone. [tn: journalist's own variation on "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

Miley Cyrus says hi – The numbers of a phenomenon

"The streams of Zitti e buoni are growing by the second, and they bring us above Muse, at the top of English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. Followers almost tripled, in the post-Rotterdam period (from 1,4 to 3,3 millions, ed.) Contagious and universal folly: t-shirts and merchandising sold out in 10 minutes. Like the records, the tickets for a tour that keeps adding dates and expanding over geographic maps. They're contacting us even from some festivals were The Rolling Stones went." Thomas

"After the pretextual controversy over cocaine that France built against us, later disproven by my drug test, some graffiti popped up in Spain depicting me as a “No drugs” poster guy. Some tweets made us laugh: "Congratulations, Italy! I've never been more certain that four people have had sex with each other." Miley Cyrus started following us -You're great. -You guys are greater." Damiano

From the garage to the stars – Story of a flight

"It was only 2016, and we played in restaurants, in the streets, in via del Corso. Damiano without even a microphone, Thomas' guitar with wonky strings, Ethan was drumming on a cajón. During Rome highschools' sit-ins (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first confirmations and half-hours of celebrity, playing among those who criticized us and those who went "wow they're really cool." One of the rare times when they would have paid us – 50 euros each – we gave the money to the next band in the lineup so that they would make us play in their spot, later in the day, when there would have been more people. We had already realized how things worked. Visibility mattered more than money. And we still think that." Victoria

The intimacy of rock – Choice of a genre

"Music allows us the miracle of extending to others some very personal and private topics, sometimes even difficult and thorny ones. They are and they remain deeply your own, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage that is alike a delivery, they find a place in you as well, a processing of them. You overcome them, you accept them. One second it's something aggressive, the next it's a ballad. Cathartic». Damiano

Against panic – The stage as therapy

"I've suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it's an issue I've worked on thanks to a psychotherapy course, my friends and my family. Playing helped me in not letting myself be paralyzed by my fears, not making myself limited in my private and professional life. I've learned to accept, to live with this side of myself. I don't hide it. I don't feel ashamed of it." Victoria

Analysis as necessity – Relying on someone saves you

"This belief that only madmen go to the psychologist is a widespread ignorance. No-one's born learned. [tn: common Italian saying] And it's often hard to understand the very reason why we're here, let alone the origin and direction of our desires. It's a long and legitimate journey towards lucidity, a kind of backing to become transparent." Damiano

Being out of our minds – But different from them [tn: "Zitti e buoni" lyrics]

"When you feel a strong passion towards something that is not a canonical job but an artistic language, that already puts you on a level of anomaly, which is not superior or inferior to other people, but it puts you in the position of the one who breaks the mold and also works at a loss, the one who sustains great risks while trying to do something that who knows if it will take you anywhere. "Why do it if it doesn't pay?". You want to give this dream of yours an aesthetic, but it becomes "You're dressing so weird! You must be gay!" - now that I'm 22 I laugh about it, but when I was 17 it had an effect on me, too." Damiano

The beauty of uniqueness – Of believing in it and defending it

"And I mean, at the end of the day if we're all different it's not because we want be alternative but because, really, no-one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty." Ethan

Fluid sexuality – Pride is freedom

"Heels for men that like themselves in them, kisses among ourselves, we have an open, extended mind, and we're proud of it. The horizons become vast, past the oppression of conservative families. With the information on the web knowledge becomes greater and with it the possibility that minorities will be less and less minorities, because the majority will be less of a majority. This way we'll make insults and bullying grow quieter. If social media get to a village of 50 souls and reveal to a girl who's afraid of the dark that someone has felt her same fear, then there's no reason to give a name to that fear, to mark it with labels which also limit and restrict. Definitions always had this effect on me. You shouldn't even consider the gender when judging someone, let alone their orientation." Victoria

Sexism – A culture to be dismantled

"Emma [tn: Emma Marrone, Italian singer] drops the bomb: “At Eurovision when I was there they massacred me for a pair of shorts, while they said nothing to Damiano – bare-chested and in heels.” The easy judgment against women is more fierce, constant, debasing (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool while Vic is a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader while Vic is despotic and a pain in the ass who reached success because she's hot.) As a male I'm privileged, the abuse I get is not comparable to those a woman has to live through, the comments over my aesthetic are centered only on my aesthetic and don't insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thought in a systematic way. It happened though to find myself standing with a woman who while pulling me to herself to take a selfie, started licking my face out of the blue... I mean, what the hell do you want? Who asked you? Consent exists, and it's due." Damiano

Grow yourself – The only commandment

"To me conformism is the opposite of education [tn: could also mean "politeness"] and is the asphyxia of expression. I fortunately never endured heavy bullying, heavy enough for the the judgement of others to change me. But the mold of the small crumbs of bullying I got and of the kind of aggression that scars is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and likes dolls you have to let me do what I like. I was a kid who wanted to keep his hair long and played with Barbie. As a teen, my friends looked at my hair: " You have to find a girl with short hair to be at your side." My grandparents took away my dolls: "Stop it, they're not for you." Ethan

"When I was six I was already sick of them, the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things that were typically defined as girly, and all around me they mocked me because I went skateboarding, I played soccer, I didn't wear skirts, I was giving myself the chance to be as I wished. I endured it a little, I suffered a little, but I had courage, and now thanks to that courage I know that I could have gotten even much more hurt, otherwise I would have left to others the most important choice: the one about myself." Victoria

Love in progress – Music, girlfriends

"I've been married to music for the last 20 years. I can't wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary." Ethan

"Everyone makes their own experiences, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes wrong, but it's always not anybody's business." Thomas

"When I first felt feelings and attraction towards a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage of going beyond the limitations I had put for myself. For society being heterosexual is the norm and so you often define yourself in that way automatically, depriving yourself of the freedom to live many shades and faces of love. Once I overcame the initial insecurity of having to call into question my certainties I've lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone." Victoria

"I had paparazzi at my door every day and night. So, after four years of relationship, I revealed her name. I still have paparazzi at my door every day and nigh, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore." Damiano

The worth of the group – Phenomenology of protection

"The true engagement though, the true family is among ourselves, our band. We've believed in it since day zero, even before we called ourselves Måneskin (Moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon on the flier for the first concert we ever did. We share everything, even the pain for the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because of racism. [tn: I think the journalist asked them their opinion about Seid Visin's death, which was a current events topic in Italy, and then pasted it syntaxically in the middle of Thomas' answer, which was not a great move] A group is what we all should be: stay united and not back down an inch in the face of oppression that is generated by a distorted view of diversity." Thomas

I'm not of the right age – Like Gigliola [tn: Gigliola Cinquetti won Eurovision with her song "Non ho l'età", which means "I'm not of the right age"]

"Before you the only one who won both Sanremo and Eurovision on the same year was Cinquetti (1964). If there's anything I feel I'm not of the right age for? No, honestly no. Maybe having children. Regarding children I'll be honest: I'm not of the right age." Damiano

Having touched the sky – The fears that remain

"We're more than inside the dream, we're in the conquered dream. When you fly high there's the risk of plummeting and hurting yourself, but we'll work hard not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - a bit pretentiously - reassures us rather than scaring us." Damiano

#maneskin #måneskin #vanity fair #italian #translation

[drabbles-mc]

Starting Over

Juice Ortiz x F!Reader

Combining two Anonymous requests for this: reader is Jax's younger sister, and with Juicey boi. Stuck fiercely with him through Potter. Douchebag! Anyway, so. It's just after Tara, and Juice has gone MIA. As soon as reader hears Jax wants Juice, she goes to find him - obviously get's pointed to him by Wendy (not Gem because she knows what she'll do). When she goes to Juice, he tries to scare her off, but she gives him some lip, then maybe some smut - then she takes him far away, never to return! & can I get a Juice x Female reader where she finds out that Jax wants Juice after he goes MIA, and she's been with Juice for ages without the boys knowing - and she realises that Juice is in danger, so she manages to find out where he is, and she goes there, has some fluffy/angst time with Juice, before pulling him into her car and driving off to take him away and completely leave Charming and the sons behind. Maybe a fluffy pregnancy reveal too? Ultimately, must save Juice and protecc

Warnings: language, angst, slight steam

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Figured that these two requests ran pretty parallel to each other so I combined them! Only thing I didn’t do was full-on smut because it didn’t really fit with the whole mood of everything. But we gettin’ Juice outta his mess for sure. Enjoy! xo

SOA Taglist: @garbinge​ @masterlistforimagines​ @mayans-sauce​ @adela-topaz-caelon​ @i-just-read-stuff​ @chibsytelford​ @mijop​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @xladymacbethx​ @kkim120​ @multiyfandomgirl40​ @toni9​ @unicornucopia-fuckers​ (If you want to be added to the taglist just let me know!)

Things had been falling apart for the club for a while. Growing up in the middle of it had exposed you to a lot, but even so this was the most chaotic it had been in your lifetime. You couldn’t blame it all on Jax, knowing that things started crumbling long before your brother took his seat at the head of the table. But there was a lot more frustration there between the two of you than there used to be.

That rising tension was the original reason that you never told Jax, or anyone in the club for that matter, that you had gotten involved with Juice. It had sort of just fallen together. There was something about him that you couldn’t pull yourself away from, no matter how far he seemed to spiral. His life was just as messy as yours, if not messier, which was another reason the two of you decided to keep things quiet—it was supposed to cut down on the mess.

However, once you noticed that Jax’s feelings about Juice took a turn, you got nervous. Ever since Tara was murdered, he was on a warpath. You couldn’t necessarily blame him, but Juice was on thin ice as it was and you weren’t going to let him become another casualty if you could help it. You didn’t lose him in the depths of things with Potter, you weren’t going to lose him now.

You had looked everywhere for him. You scoured all of Charming but he was nowhere to be found. You stopped by his place, and immediately noticed that certain things were missing. His place wasn’t cleaned out, but you could tell that he packed the essentials to make a quick getaway. Your heart sunk inside your chest as you tried to strategize how to find out where he was. There was a short list of people you felt like you could trust to ask who wouldn’t blow up your spot to the rest of the club.

You found yourself on Gemma’s doorstep. For as much as you loved your mother, she was the last person that you wanted to talk to about this. You did, however, know that she and Wendy were close these days, and that anything Gemma knew about Juice, she might’ve pipelined to Wendy. It was a long-shot but she was the only person you had left that you felt like you could talk to without exposing yourself, or Juice.

Gemma opened the door, “Hey, sweetheart, everything alright?” she hugged you once you stepped inside.

You nodded, “Yea, all good. I just, uh, is Wendy here?”

You could see the gears turning in Gemma’s mind, “Yea, why?”

You shook your head, “Nothin’ I just wanted to talk to her about some counseling stuff,” you tried to play it off, “One of Lyla’s girls is a little,” you shook your hand slightly, “Rocky right now. Just wanted to get her opinion on some stuff. That’s all.”

You’d gotten good at lying to Gemma—it was the only way to have any semblance of privacy. She nodded, convinced for the time being, “She’s in the guest room with the boys. Send them out before you start talking about that shit though, alright?”

You nodded, “Of course.”

You made your way back to the room, politely sending your nephews on their way before shutting the door, allowing you and Wendy your privacy. Confusion was written all over her face as you sat on the bed with her. You took a deep breath as you tried to get your thoughts together, praying that this wouldn’t backfire on you.

“You know where Juice is?” there was no point in beating around the bush.

“Why would I know that?” she couldn’t meet your eyes, and you knew that she was trying to hide something.

“I know the club wants him dead,” you paused, correcting yourself, “I know Jax wants him dead. I just…I just wanna help him.”

“You wanna help Juice?” she clearly didn’t buy it.

You ran your hands down your face, not able to fault her for being skeptical, “Jax might be my brother but that doesn’t mean that I blindly support everything he does. I’m not my mother,” you shook your head, “Juice can’t survive this on his own. He needs someone.”

“You?”

You took a deep breath, knowing you’d already put yourself in a pretty deep hole. What was the harm in digging yourself a little deeper? You met Wendy’s eyes, “I’ve been with Juice for a while now. Way before all this other shit started. I can’t…I can’t let Jax get to him.”

Wendy pressed her lips together into a thin line. She knew as well as anyone what your family was like. It was a wonder that you turned out the way you did. She took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose, “He’s at my place. That’s…that’s why I’m still here.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise, “Y-your place?”

She nodded, “Gemma was banking on me staying in rehab way longer. Figured it was a free, empty place for him to stay. I wasn’t gonna kick him to the streets when the club wants his head on a goddamn stake. So…he’s still there.”

You leaned in a hugged her, for the first time in a long time. It felt a little foreign at first but she leaned into you for a moment and accepted it. You pulled away, trying to fight back the tears that were stinging at the edges of your eyes, “Thank you. Seriously.”

She nodded, “Don’t mention it. Seriously.”

You both got a quiet laugh out of that. Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you stood up. Before opening the door, you turned back to Wendy, “If Gemma asks, I asked you about some rehab counseling shit for one of Lyla’s girls.”

She nodded, “Got it,” there was a brief pause, “Take care of him. He needs it.”

You nodded but didn’t say anything more as you left the room. You made your way back through the house, giving your nephews hugs and kisses goodbye before saying goodbye to Gemma as well. You tried not to let your anxiety shine through as you tried to put together some semblance of a plan.

You raced back to your place and packed a few bags. You grabbed the few things that Juice had left at your apartment over the last few months, not wanting to leave any trace of that behind once you were gone. You packed the essentials, grabbed your emergency stash of cash, and then hit the road to get to Wendy’s place.

You knocked relentlessly on the door. When there was no answer, you finally spoke up, “It’s me, Juice.”

Seconds later Juice opened the door, gun in his hand by his side. You could see it written all over his face that he was spinning out. You took a deep breath as you stepped into the apartment, shutting the door behind you. You immediately stepped in and wrapped him in a hug, your heart breaking at the way he practically fell into your embrace like you were the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth.

After a few moments, you pulled away from him. You could see it in his eyes how lost he was. You reached out, gently cupping his face, “We gotta go.”

“What?” he looked confused.

“We gotta go. We gotta get out of here. You can’t stay here.”

“Yea but…but you can’t go with me.”

It felt like a punch to the gut to hear him say it so definitively. “Why not?”

“Because you’re Jax Teller’s fucking sister,” he snapped, “You can’t just…leave Charming. You can’t just leave. Especially not with someone the club wants dead. They, they won’t stop until they find you. Or me.”

“They’re not going to find us.”

“You’re an escape artist now?”

You scoffed, “I don’t think that you’re in a position to be criticizing. It took me one day to find you.”

He gnawed at the inside of his lip, “You can’t do this. You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“That’s a risk that I’m willing to take.”

“Well I’m not,” he shook his head, “You’re not putting yourself out on the line like that for me. I won’t let you.”

“You won’t let me?” your laugh was hollow, “Let me? You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. I grew up under Gemma’s fucking thumb—I’m done getting bossed around by other people. You don’t get to tell me that I can’t come with you.”

“Yes, Y/N, I do. You’re not throwing your whole life away for me.”

“I’m not throwing it away! I don’t want a life here in Charming if you’re not in it.”

“They will never forgive you for leaving.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

“Y/N,” he sounded angry but you could see the tears in his eyes. He turned away love every chance he could, not wanting to deal with the heartbreak that followed, “You can’t leave. Not with me. Not for me. I’m…I’m not worth the fallout.”

“Yes you are,” you stepped in and cupped his face once more, “You are worth whatever it takes. I love you.”

He closed his eyes, tears escaping down onto his cheeks, “I love you too.”

You pulled his lips to yours, catching them in a rough, needy kiss. He wrapped his arms tightly around you, like it was the last time he was ever going to be able to touch you. His tongue ran along the inside of your lip before meeting yours. You moaned, fingers pressing into the back of his neck. His hands slid underneath your shirt, nails raking lightly along the soft skin of your back.

You pulled away, breathless as you rested your forehead against his. He gave you a light squeeze, “I love you.”

You smiled despite the heaviness of the situation that you were in, “I love you too.”

“We can finish this when we get to wherever we’re going,” he chuckled, and it was nice to see him smile.

You nodded, pulling away from him a little bit, “Right, right,” you took a deep breath as you looked around Wendy’s place, “You got a bag packed?”

He turned and walked towards the closet, digging around before resurfacing with a duffle bag that was bursting at the seams. You looked at the kutte that was draped across the top of it and your heart broke. Leaving Samcro behind was going to be a big shift for the both of you—it was all you’d ever known, and it was all the family Juice had anymore.

He saw the look in your eyes and the tears returned to his. You shook your head slightly, “You gotta leave it, baby. Nothing good is gonna come from you keeping that.”

He nodded even though he didn’t want to admit it, “I know.”

He gripped the leather tight in his hand for a few moments before laying it on the end of Wendy’s couch. You nodded in approval, pulling him towards you and kissing him softly on the lips to let him know that it was going to be okay.

“You sure you wanna do this?” his voice wavered a little, “There’s…there’s no coming back from this.”

You nodded, “I’m sure,” you tangled your fingers with his, “Let’s go.”

The two of you packed what little you had into the trunk of your car. You situated yourself in the driver’s seat before turning to look at Juice. Worry was still present in his features but you could tell that even despite that, he was glad that you were there with him  

You reached over, taking his hand in your own, “We're gonna be alright. We're going to figure all of this out. We'll be safe,” you paused, “Do you trust me?”

He nodded, no hesitation in his response, “With my life,” he paused for s few moments, “You’re really willing to leave behind your family for me?”

“You’re my family,” you waited for him to meet your eyes, “Juice?”

“Yea?” his eyes searched yours, trying to guess what you were going to say next.

“I mean it, you know. You’re my guy. My family.”

His smile as soft, sincere, “You’re my family too.”

“I know now might not be the best time,” you chuckled nervously, “But really when do we ever have a right time for anything, right?”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m…I’m not going to be your only family for much longer,” you couldn’t hold back your nervous laughter as you took his hand and rested it on your stomach, “A fresh start is going to be good for all of us.”

His eyes widened as he realized what you were telling him. A smile broke out across his face as he leaned over and kissed you hard on the lips. He’d never been more ready to run off with you than he was in that moment.

“Alright,” he chuckled, unable to believe the situation he was in, “let’s get the fuck out of here, then.”

You smiled, kissing him once more softly on the lips, “Let’s go.”

You threw the car in drive and pulled out onto the road. As you took off, Juice's hand came to rest on your thigh, “I love you.”

You smiled, glancing over at him for a moment, “I love you too.”

Your eyes made their way back to the road in front of you. Letting out a deep sigh, you let yourself soak up the fact that you were on your way to somewhere new, with the only person who really mattered, the only person who ever really tried to look out for you these days. Charming faded out of your rearview mirror and you had never felt more relieved, despite the uncertainty that laid ahead. All of the anxiety though., faded away when you felt Juice's thumb tracing back and forth on your leg. You had faith that the next chapter was really going to be the start of a whole new book, just for the three of you.

#soa #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy imagine #soa imagine #juice ortiz #juice ortiz x reader #juice ortiz x you #juice ortiz imagine #juan carlos #juan carlos ortiz #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

[starshipsofstarlord]

Can you do a one-shot where the reader was born in 1996 and she’s the daughter of Nikki Sixx and Brandi Brandt and is the bassist and songwriter of Wallows and is best friends with her bandmates Dylan Minnette, Braeden Lemasters, and Cole Preston and she helps 5sos write songs for the album Calm and starts dating Ashton and the fans go nuts (in the good way) with shipping?

Wallowing

ashton Irwin x wallows!reader / masterlist

warnings; references to sex, swearing, threats

“Come in babe.” You opened the door, inviting your boyfriend Ashton into your flat. He had been having a hard day at the studio, and had asked if it was alright if he came over. Of course it was, but he had got a warning prior to his arrival, that they would not be alone, and that if he wanted to clear his head, it was certainly not the right place.

“Fuck you, you’re supposed to be on my side man!” At the sound of Dylan, yelling at whom you supposed to be Cole, you pinched the bridge of your nose, squeezing your eyes shut as you welcomed your partner into your home sweet home. Out of all days, they had to be playing COD in your apartment today.

“Sorry bout that.” A light grimace filled your face, but instead of giving you criticism, Ashton simply laughed, following you through the apartment, as you tried to slowly pass behind your band mates who were occupying your living room.

“Not so fast young Sixx, get your well endowed ass back here.” A sigh fell from your mouth as you rolled your eyes at Braeden, pausing your movements as he turned to lean against the back of your couch to peer over at you. “We need to have a conversation little lady.”

Groaning, you threw your head back, smiling a small apology towards Ash. “We were going to go to my room, I’d rather just you guys play my PS4 without needing to interact with me face to face.”

“Would you rather he FaceTime you whilst you’re getting down and dirty, or stand there like a kid’s doll and allow him to pull at your arm?” Dylan mumbled, as you crossed your arms, Ash greeting your band mates as you moved towards the tv, reaching for the side button and turning it off.

“Y/n what the hell?” Cole half screamed, breaking loose as he was close to finally beating Minette and killing his gamer character. His hands flailed as he expected an answer, raising in the air as he held the remote.

“I could ask you the same thing Preston, so what’s the schtick that’s making you keep me here, in my own apartment?” He gulped as you enquired at him, raising your brow, as you leaned back into your partner who stood awkwardly behind you like a supporting shadow.

“Congrats on the album Irwin, it’s great to see our own band member aiding your band. CALM is sick, and she makes me feel the same, just in a different manner.”

“Stop being a salty little bitch would you?” You asked, smacking him on the upside of the back of his head. He rutted his head back, clasping the behind of his scalp with his palm, firmly turning back to cast an icy glare towards you.

This was the normal behaviour around here, you all enjoyed getting under each other’s skin. It was a sign of true friendship, that whilst sometimes still triggering some real annoyance, that made your bond of being band mates that much deeper.

They were doing the same thing to you now, speaking prolifically showering your boyfriend in compliments, to side swab you with cockblockery. In all honesty, whenever Lydia or another girl was on the premises, you returned the favour, though that did not your pulsating frustration decrease at all.

“I’m going to assume there’s a problem here. Are you sure now is a good time for me to be here?” Ash asked reassuringly, his gentle touch applying a loving presence upon your shoulder, making you smile despite the situation that was running through the discourse of your veins

You craved him, to feel his body atop, or under, or however else against your own. It was infuriating to endure how your band mates dragged their greeting to him out, all you wanted was to discard his and your own clothing, leaving it as a jumble of forgotten material on the floor whilst the pair of you were caught up in mess upon the mattress, limbs inclined to coil around each arch, and breaths long overdue and escaping into the air.

“It’s a good time for you overall pal, considering that your sales are sky high, taller than this one that is practically trying to hump your arm. No problems with your presence, except the fact that it’s turning little Brandi’s baby’s hormones into overdrive.” Braeden spoke, earning a guttural growl out from your throat, as your nostrils flared furiously at his words.

If you didn’t get on with it, then the Red Sea of the month would cause a flood that would stain your underwear. You’d have preferred to take action before that happened. “The work isn’t just on my shoulders loser, if you want a worldwide selling album, put in some elbow grease, instead of playing stupid games.”

“I’m good, and by definition that makes you stupid, because they belong to you.” He remarked, Cole chuckling and offering him a high five.

“I could just kick you out.” You promptly supposed, as Dylan messed around with his phone, surrendering to the game, as he ran his hand to define the ruggedness of his silvery blue locks.

“Band rules say no to that.” Braeden stated. “And Ash, feel free to replace this one, we could do a switch. You’re basically ready to move in together, so we wouldn’t have to go anywhere else to have rapid fire nights.”

“Do I even want to know what that is?” Your boyfriend asked, and you, without any thought or hesitancy, shook your head. He certainly didn’t need to know about that, it was, least to say, a mess.

There would be dares, and drinks, and tattoos put in the most awkward places with that artist set that you kept very far under your bed. It was a shock that Ashton hadn’t seen the word ‘narwhale’ on the heel of your foot, or maybe he did, and decided against saying anything.

“I put up with these idiots.” Dylan sighed, though as you whipped your head around, you saw that he was not speaking directly to any of you, instead, his

“He’s on fucking insta live.” Cole realised, leaving over to get his face in the mirroring of the stream, waving a hand to the fans that spewed hearts onto the corner of the screen.

“Prick.” You called Dylan out, watching as he laughed at your lack of amusement, and poised the self proclaimed camera towards you, also catching the person beside you in the view.

“Calm.” Ashton softly spoke, sending you a small and reassuring smile, which you were defeated to not permit the same in return

“Funny pun Irwin, but shut up.” You laughed, and shook your head, him finally catching onto what he had said.

“Yes that is the incredibly talented 5SOS member Ashton Irwin. I know right, what is he doing with us?” Cole read, watching as Dylan rolled his eyes at his band member’s behaviour, wanting to get his phone back, though his attempts were lacklustre.

“Or more specifically, her?” Braeden asks, walking behind the sofa and grasping him, dragging him closer to where the phone was propped in Cole’s hand, giving the fans a clear image of his face. “Is he joining the band?” He reads from the flood of comments. “I wish, but we don’t draw that much talent.

“Speak for yourself.” You groaned, walking closer, leaning your head over Ash’s hunched shoulder, releasing an awkward smile as he raised it, gently bumping your chin with the slope of his muscle. “Rude.”

“Where are you guys? Well, we’re at y/n’s apartment. She just got back and dragged this old slugger in off the streets. How charitable.” Cole spoke, smiling up at Irwin as he lightly punched his face, already too comfortable with his hovering presence.

“Why is he there? This one makes me laugh, quick shag, ain’t that right buddy?” Braeden thoughtlessly worded, his eyes going wide in an instant as the fans quickly tended to the realisation of what he had meant. “Fuck, oops I guess.”

To say that you were furious was an understatement; you could feel an ache in your hands, wanting to tear the idiot into dismal pieces until there was nothing salvageable left to fix.

“You guess?” Dylan snickers, covering his mouth with his hand whence he saw your murderous expression conquer features. It was vastly more terrifying than any anger you had ever portrayed, and he could feel the couch moving as Braeden turned, and squirmed from the sight.

“Lemasters, imagine your head on a stick. That is going to happen, when I get my hands on you, your gonna turn cold as I strangle the living shit outta-“ Ashton grabbed you, as your arms tried to grasp and throttle your band mate, flopping in the air, intently furious at his revealing slip up.

“I think imma go.” He bolted, and as you struggled out of Ashton’s grip, you ran after him, out your front door and through the modesty of your building.

“She forgot her key.” Ashton noted, coming around and sitting with the remaining pair on the sofa. “How one of you think it’ll take for them to return?”

“As long as it takes for her to kill him.” Dylan grasps his phone back, fluttering his gaze over the comments. “They’re kinda cute together, found my new OTP. Sorry Dylan and Lydia. Oh don’t worry, that’s fine, we gotta take what we get and currently y/n’s not getting any because we have a tendency to cockblock her.”

“It’s our duty as the men of the band.” Cole spoke, a scream reverberating through from the hallway, audible to those online that were watching the two worlds merging.

“I think she got him.” Ash said, smirking lightly, as he heard your voice bellow out in rage against the male. Yep, your band was messy, but his wasn’t much different. He could certainly get used to it.

#ashton irwin x you #ashton irwin x reader #ashton irwin fluff #ashton imagine #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin one shot #ashton irwin fic #ashton fanfiction #ashton fluff #ashton irwin x y/n #5sos x reader #5sos au #5sos imagines #5sos one shot #5sos imgaines #5sos imagine #5sos x you #5sos x oc #5sos fic

[sjjdkdkwo]

Wong and Stephen don’t have fans like other superheroes. They’re names aren’t shouted at them whenever they walk out into the busy New York City streets, and people don’t have their faces on T-shirts or hung up in posters on their walls. No, Wong and Stephen work in the shadows, away from preying eyes and gone before civilians can even wonder if they imagined being saved at all. Neither of them minded though, they feel no indignation when they come back home worn and fatigued after a long battle only for the news to praise someone else. Alone in the Sanctum, together they find solace and praise with each other. It’s enough, and for many years it goes on that way, just the two of them hidden in a little corner away from the rest of the world. So when it changes they barely have time to register what happened.

 Wong spends a lot of his spare time looking for special offers, on food and toiletries mainly, more often than not with the help of Stephen. But ever since he’d found out that the other often missed roaming the vast and resplendent halls of New York’s many museums he’d added to looking for offers and special free

events on those too. They’re on their way back from a day trip to the MOMA— it had been kids get in free deal, and Wong hadn’t minded taking on the glamour spell as Stephen avidly explained each piece and the artist’s history to him — and had lost track of time. Between getting a late dinner from the dubious hot dog cart and the early darkening of the winter sky though, they both deem the bright and brilliant city night worthy of a walk home rather than their usual portaling. They’re a couple streets from home when they spot two older gentlemen arguing to each other garishly in the middle of the sidewalk. They almost walk away completely when they hear one of the men say they’ll never find their way back home now. Stephen sighs and looks at Wong who only nods in agreement and they make their way over. They learn that the men had misplaced their car, and could no longer find it and lived to far away to make it on foot.

 So they follow them as they look at every individual car around the street, listening to them berate and reprimand each other the whole time. Eventually they move on to other topics, commenting on Stephen’s messy hair and Wong’s clothing of choice. At some point they even offer words of wisdom, and they both listen earnestly as words of guidance are never something to dismiss when given freely. Each one whispering to either Stephen or Wong not to forget to the smaller more subtle moments of life, nor company that is willing to remain through the many years that will follow them as each old man spares a sly glance at his friend. It’s far later and they both know they would’ve been home by then when they old men tell them they remember that they’d taken the bus. Stephen and Wong can’t even find it in themselves to be angry with them, not when they’re laughing so zealously together and instead offer to walk them to the bus stop. They wait the entire time with them, worried now that it’s so late, and just before they can get on their bus, quickly place a protective spell on each of the men, waving them off and saying their goodbyes. They don’t think much on the matter after, and settle back to their regular routine.

 It’s Stephen who decides to do something kind for Wong this time. After many years as his colleague, Wong had slowly become Stephen’s closest and most treasured friend. A sentiment that was returned, though neither of them had to say so, not really. And when Stephen finds out that one Misses Beyoncé Knowles is going to be in New York for a concert, he enters every single contest he can find knowing well he’ll never be able to raise enough money to buy even one terrible seat ticket for Wong. As each attempt turns up futile though Stephen begins to loose hope. He’d already promised Wong that he would take him to the concert though, and watching him dance around the sanctum singing all his favorite songs Stephen knows he has to find a way. They’re outside the MetLife Stadium when Stephen spots the scalper, and really he knows he shouldn’t but Wong is decked out in his signature Beyoncé T-shirt and hat and Stephen has nothing left to lose. But when the officer nears, the scalper is shoving all the tickets into Stephen’s hand with Wong next to him and all they can do is stand there dumbfounded.

 Wong refuses to speak to Stephen while they’re in the uncomfortable cell, arms crossed and head turned away even as Stephen jabbers on apologies the whole time. Stephen sighs after thirty minutes trying and failing to say he’s sorry before he slumps down next to him. He’s almost ready to condemn himself to a long night of silence when resolve and perseverance run through him and he gets up in front of Wong. The other man barely spares him a glance till Stephen opens his mouth. “You’re getting your concert, Wong.”

 Wong can only stare in horror and shock as Stephen opens his mouth, swaying his hips a little before muttering softly to himself, “Vishanti, please no.” More than a half-hour later and a questionable rendition of “Irreplaceable” Wong is hiding what can either be tears of endearment or discontent. They’re startled out their little moment when they hear awkward clapping from the other side of the cell. A young man, sitting with a look of somewhat disdain and question on his face. Stephen quickly clambers back to his seat and allowing silence to overtake them all. It’s also Stephen who has to break it not one minute later to make conversation because he’s still mortified at the thought of anyone else having watched him perform terribly. After the initial awkwardness they find that the young man had gotten caught hot-wiring a car. Really it had been a job for a so-called friend who knew he’d been in need of the money and threw him under the bus last minute. He tells them his mother is very sick and they could no longer afford her medicine and Stephen in particular feels an ache in his chest at the words. Remembering a time where he’d have scoffed at a so-called “sob story” like this one and feeling awful for the young man in front of them. So he offers to look her over and pay for the medicine, he aware he can pull a few strings-though he really will pay, knowing it would be unfair to other people if he only offered the advantage to the young man alone, no matter how long it took-and looks to Wong with a strained smile. Wong however his smiling back, and gives him a little nod of approval.

 The young man looks at them doubtfully for a minute, they’re appearance not helping, before agreeing. Once they’re all set free Stephen and Wong allow themselves to be lead by the young man to his apartment. True to his word Stephen overlooks his ailing mother and a few hours later resurfaces with the medicine in question. The man looks near to tears when he thanks them both, hesitating for a second before hugging them each quickly much to their surprise. Stephen and Wong wave him off, leaving the two to rest for the night and to get some sleep themselves. And later if the young man gets a random job offer as an assistant for Stark Industries, all he can do is remember the two odd men from the night in the jail cell.

 The next time Stephen and Wong find themselves taking a long walk in the New York night they’ve just come back from mission across town. Nothing big really, just a few lowly demons causing mischief at the docks. So easy in fact they hadn’t been tired after and decided to enjoy the cool night air. It’s barely past three in the morning when they make their way around nightclub. A block down they come across a small group of young women, clearly inebriated and they keep a close eye from afar for a minute as their nerves become unsettled for them. A few moments later they paranoia is gratified when two men make their way over to bother them. They waste no time making their way over to step in, and a pained trembling first and panting Wong later they turn to check in on the young women. They offer to walk them to their next location, much to their mistrust and Stephen and Wong can’t fault them. With some skepticism they finally agree, not without proudly displaying the small can of pepper spray first though. It turns out they’d been on their way back home, and Stephen and Wong walk ahead of them a little to allow them distance. As they make their way onward though the women find their way next to them and begin to make pleasant conversation, and Wong and Stephen can only nod as the begin to speak about anything that comes to their minds. Somehow their conversations become more intuitive and before they know it they’re discussing deep philosophical matters. They’re almost to the women’s home when they turn and tell Stephen and Wong not to forget the rest of the world, that they’re not alone. They barely have time to respond when they’re waving them away and clumsily making their way through the door of their building. The words follow them for a few days before other worries wash over them.

 It barely a few weeks later when Wong and Stephen are out for a quick lunch during a rather peaceful day for them. They’re stepping out of the small deli around the corner when they hear the cries of children. Quickly forgetting everything else they run toward the noise and find four children alone in front of a building. Hurriedly they ask them where their parents are and the children explain that they’d ran off and lost sight of their mother’s. Knowing well that they won’t leave them out here alone Stephen and Wong sigh and resolve to forget their peaceful day to instead help the children find their way back. To Stephen’s surprise, of the two of them, Wong turns out to be a natural around children. Knowing exactly how to answer their questions and speak to each of them. Later he explains that he’d often looked after the young one’s in Kamar-Taj.

Stephen can only walk alongside them awkwardly as Wong shows them a few effortless spells and tricks, much to their delight.

 He flinches when he feels a small hand wrap around his own and looks down to find one of the boys pressing close to him. Stephen does his best to offer a kind smile and tries to speak with the boy only to find he doesn’t say anything in return. Briefly he wonders if he boy is hearing impaired or non-verbal and awkwardly tries to sign with his free hand, his past injuries and lack of practice make it awkward though. But when the boy only tilts his head in question Stephen decides not to press further and instead continuing their silent walk. Somehow though he finds himself speaking again, something about the boy makes it easy, like he doesn’t have to worry about being judged or seen as boring. He mostly rambles on about Wong, how his friend always manages to surprise him as he watches the other man lift one of the other children onto his shoulders as the others jump around him. Stephen begins to share with the boy quietly how much he’s come to care for the other man, and how he cherishes him dearly and tells the boy that if he should ever find someone like that to keep them close. Before either of them know it a group of women are running up toward them fussing over the children and they run toward them as well.

 After receiving the women’s unalloyed gratitude for caring for the children and brushing off any compensation they try to offer, they turn to say goodbye to the group. The children practically pounce on Wong telling him they’ll miss him and Stephen can only look on with deep fondness. He turns though when he feels small arms wrap around him and looks down to see the silent boy clinging to him. Stephen’s heart does a little lurch as he gingerly places his arms around him as well. His face breaks out in a grin when the boy tells him a soft goodbye, along with telling him he’ll miss him. As they watch the group leave they can make out the children telling their mothers that their new favorite superheroes are Doctor Strange and Master Wong. When Stephen admonishes Wong about this though the other man only shrugs as they make their way back home. But not before letting Stephen know, “I care about you too, Stephen.”

 The next few weeks pass in a blur, with more monsters than usual and workload by the double. So much work in fact that they’d forgotten to go out for food. Much to their chagrin though they find they’re out of money and their last can of beans has expired. They’re just about to chance the rancid smelling beans when there’s a knock on the Sanctum door. Puzzled they both make their way to answer it and to their astonishment it’s the mother’s from a couple days ago. When they question how they’d found them they merely wave them off, on of them saying something about hearing it from someone at work. Stephen and Wong don’t further question the women though when they present them with a casserole and a peach tart. Grateful for the food they gracelessly offer the ladies inside for some tea. Once inside the women take in all the oddities around the sanctum commenting on their “nice décor” before making their way into the kitchen with them. Once there they can’t help but take in their empty cupboards and shelves and question them on whether or not they’re eating properly. Stephen and Wong can only flush as they try an explain the situation but before they know it the women have already decided that it simply won’t do and start working their way into including two more servings in their future meal preparations. After some pleasant conversation the women leave much to their surprising dismay. And the women don’t give them the chance to say no when they promise to come by in a few days with more food. As Stephen and Wong eat the tart later in the evening they can’t help but feel a little bit of joy fill them.

 The women’s presence becomes permanent from then on, so they can’t help but be confused when the knock at the door one day turns out not to be the women, but rather the ladies they’d helped from the club all those nights ago. With groceries as well, to their bafflement. They explain that they’d been looking for them, and coincidently ran into one of the mother’s of the children at a salon. Through talking they’d come to find where they lived and wanted to thank them for their help. So once again Wong and Stephen open their doors and allow them inside for tea and a little chat. And just like that they now have a new group of people who bring them groceries and sometimes merely stop by to check in on them. And if they stop fussing less and less over the kindness and company, no one says anything.

 When the young man from the jail cell makes his way to the sanctum next, with the two old men no less Stephen and Wong let them in again. The old men are holding bags filled with blankets and coats and the young man carries a tool shed. It seemed one of the women they knew worked with the young man, and had shared their location with him. She’d also told him they’d had a leaky room for weeks now and he’d come to fix it in thanks. The old men meanwhile, lived in the same apartment as him and they too began to talk amongst each other. And learning that the Sorcerer supreme and his associate couldn’t afford heating had come bearing the blankets to keep them warm for the winter. Stephen and Wong are at a loss as they ease in and make themselves comfortable in the sanctum, repairing the roof and settling a box of arancini on their counter for them to eat. But the warmth that spreads through them stops them from even thinking of kicking any of them out as they make tea for each of them.

 Just like that Stephen and Wong are no longer alone in their little corner of the world. Instead, they have Tuesday dinner with the Dian and the other moms, Sunday football with the old men, Monday book club with the Sherry and the other girls from the club, and Friday movie nights with Hector the young man from the jail cell. The routine never stays the same though sometimes even having to jumble them together into one big gathering. And after a few times having to save each of them they catch on to the fact that Doctor Strange and Master Wong aren’t just any old New York City residents, and they understand when plans are cancelled or moved. But Wong and Stephen no longer go hungry, and the sanctum is no longer as cold as it use to be, and though they care for each other they can both admit that the new people in their life are a pleasant change. One that they both enjoy.

 So no, Wong and Stephen do not have fans like the other heroes. Not by a long shot. They have something else entirely. Something that, in their humble opinion is much better. Wong and Stephen have friends, who care for them both dearly. And if they only add up throughout the years that follow, well, they’ve come to enjoy the company anyway.

#Stephen Strange #Wong #Doctor Strange #not really #wongrange #but it can be if you really wanted to be?? #drabble #ramble #these two are the only thing giving me solace right now #ahah #so I'll probably keep talking about them for a bit #:') #sorry #I just really want these two #to have friends #and be taken care of

[not-xpr-art]

Art Advice #3 - Drawing tips!

Hi everyone!

As you may know, every week or so I’m writing blog posts with art advice hints and tips for artists of any skill level in the hopes of helping some people out a bit! The tag is here so feel free to check out some of my other posts!

This week’s post is going to be some drawing tips I’ve picked up over the years that could hopefully be useful for beginner artists! 

(this is about 1800 words altogether btw)

Drawings tips!

I’m going to split this post up into little sections which will hopefully make it easier for you to scroll to find certain advice you’re particularly interested in!

Part 1 - How to get started?

I’m a firm believer that anyone can be an artist, regardless of what materials or equipment they have. So when it comes to my advice on what kind of materials I recommend for beginner artists, I’d mainly say ‘whatever you have’. 

But if that’s a bit vague, I’d essentially recommend you have a set of pencils which you can usually get relatively inexpensive online or in craft/art shops which range from 6B all the way to 6H (’B’ being for softer, darker pencils, often good for shading, and ‘H’ for the harder pencil leads which are best for much lighter shading or if you want a really faint sketch. Something important to note about ‘H’ pencils is not to press too hard with them since they’re a lot more likely to leave indents in the paper than ‘B’ pencils! For general sketching I personally use 2B or 3B pencils since they have the perfect balance of soft & hardness in my opinion!) 

Of course, you can just draw with whatever pens or pencils you already have, so definitely don’t feel you have to go out of your way to buy something new or expensive just because your favourite artists use a particular brand of pencil or pen... Of course, often higher quality pens or pencils (especially colouring pencils) will have better pigment payoff than the cheaper alternatives, but as someone who’s been using the same WHSmith pencils they got when they were a child, I definitely think that as long as you have something to draw with, you’re all set to produce masterpieces of your own!

A lot of my art education got us using charcoal for a lot of our drawing practise. It’s not a medium I’m particularly fond of personally, but it is a great way to practise being a lot quicker and expressive with drawing, so definitely if you’re up for the challenge you can try some charcoal stuff! Only piece of advice is that I wouldn’t really recommend those ‘charcoal pencils’ you can buy in some shops, since they mostly just break apart every time you try and sharpen them... Regular charcoal is messy, though, and smudges very easily, so if you are interested in using it I’d say to do a little bit of research before hand! 

(Or feel free to send me an ask if you want any further advice on using it!)

If you’re wanting to get into digital art, I’m planning on making a post discussing my tips for beginners to digital so... keep an eye out for that in the near future lol!

~

Part 2 - Getting over ‘Drawing Anxiety’

Drawing can be a daunting thing, particularly when artists who are already pretty good at it can seemingly produce a perfectly proportioned face out of thin air. But these artists weren’t magically born with this skill, of course, so with practise and some perseverance, I can assure you that you’ll be at that stage one day!

So my first piece of advice here is to be patient with yourself. Don’t expect yourself to be perfect straight away. 

Second piece of advice is to sketch constantly!! I notice a lot of people who haven’t been drawing long are really careful about how they draw, almost like they’re afraid to be rough with the pencil. So I’d really recommend just starting to sketch a lot: be rough, be messy, draw things you can see and things from your imagination! 

Observational drawing is another thing I think is crucial in improving your drawing skills (and I’ll go into more detail with this in a bit), but honestly just sketching things you like is such a great way to help you grow as an artist! And yes this includes drawing anime fanart or drawings of your original characters! 

Below is some comparisons of my attempts at drawing Freema Agyeman from 2013 to 2019... Is the latest version of this perfect? Of course not. But I just want to show what constant practise can achieve!

~

Part 3 - Observational drawing

I honestly think that observational drawing was one of the most important things I learnt in my years of art education. 

Observational drawing can take on many meanings. Perhaps it’s drawing a still life of a fruit bowl, or a life drawing class with a naked dude in front of you, or even drawing from a photo. The point of observational drawing is to improve how you translate the world around you onto a 2D surface, essentially. 

And you don’t need anything fancy to do observational drawing either! Just placing an array of things in front of you and trying to sketch them (try and focus on a mix of textures and surfaces for the objects. So, for example, including a cup along side a woolly hat will help you get a handle on how to create texture with your drawing, and drawing anything with a reflective surface like cutlery is both challenging and interesting to do! Basically just use what you have around you!)

If you’re lucky (or unlucky, depending on how fond you are of seeing naked people lol) enough to have the chance to do life drawing, I would honestly recommend it! Often the final results aren’t great, but it’s a really good way of practising your observational skills! And even if you don’t have the opportunity, just trying to sketch a friend or family member from across a room, for example, is something that can really help you improve! 

Top tip: a teacher once told me that when you’re drawing something like a face, for example, a way to improve how you draw is to see the face not as a ‘face’, but instead as a collections of shapes. Because our brains have a preconceived idea of what a face looks like that we end up drawing what we think we can see rather than what we can actually see! 

There’s a lot of art snobs who believe that drawing from reference images is ‘cheating’ in comparison to life drawing, Of course, this is bs, and I’d say I’ve learnt just as much from using reference photos for the basis of my art as I have from drawing from ‘real life’. For more information about my thoughts on references and how to use them, see This post!

~

Part 4 - Drawing from references: Tracing, Grids and Freehand (which is best?)

Tracing in the world of art is a ... Contentious subject to say the least. And I’m not really interested in getting into the ‘moral’ implications of whether it is ‘cheating’ or not.

Instead I want to focus on the pros of using something like tracing when you’re starting out. I think particularly if you’re trying to improve how you shade things, colour things or how to get better at blending, then I do think that tracing can be a useful tool! Even I used tracing in the very start of my delve into digital art, but soon found that tracing wasn’t really something that was helping me in the long run so moved onto freehand stuff. 

Overall, I think tracing is good as a starting point when you’re still learning about art, and also if you’re not too comfortable with your freehand drawing skills yet. I’d also recommend you mention if you have traced a piece if you share art to social media. Of course, no one is obligated to do this though! 

This is an example of an artwork that I traced (it’s from 2013, hence why it looks... like That lol)

But if you’re someone who perhaps has used tracing in the past and found it doesn’t really work for you, or if you don’t want to start with tracing at all, then a good ‘next step’ I’ve seen other artists get into is using grids. 

Now I have to admit, I’m not the best person to talk about grids since I’ve actually never used them lol... But I know a lot of artists who do, particularly people who do a lot of traditional work, since it makes it a lot easier to translate the reference image to your piece of paper or canvas. 

And in a way I would recommend grids more for people starting out in drawing than tracing, and this is mainly due to the fact grids force you to use a lot more observational drawing skills than tracing! If you’re interested in getting into using grids I’d recommend doing a bit of research yourself! 

The final technique of drawing from references I want to talk about is freehand! Now this is the one I’ve been doing for the majority of my art ‘career’ and honestly is probably the most ‘difficult’ to do of the three techniques. 

But I find freehand drawing particularly rewarding with the ways it can make you reimagine an artwork in ways you never intended! Like what I mentioned in my Reference advice post, I have found that making ‘mistakes’ in freehand drawing can actually lead to more interesting and unique works of art than tracing or grid work could ever do! 

I also think that freehand allows you to create your own characters or concepts in a much more free way. For example, my Spirit of Somerset piece was something I created from a variety of references (I seem to remember I used Isak from SKAM’s mouth as a basis for the girls’ mouth?) and the dragon was based on a real mishmash of references, which is something that I I feel I couldn’t have done if I’d have been using grids or tracing!

With this I’m not trying to say that freehand is the ‘best’ way of drawing, it is just the one that I personally have found to fit me the best, which is the entire point of this post! All of my advice is just pointers I think could be useful for new artists, it is up to you to find which ‘path’ in art suits you best!

And of course, I’ve phrased these techniques as separate purely for the sake of explaining them easier, but the fact of the matter is that you can use a combination of these in your art if you wish! 

If you struggle with drawing the outlines of hands, perhaps use tracing as a way to get a handle of the shape and then maybe use freehand to fill in the colour of them! Use a grid to draw a tree but freehand the leaves and bench below it! 

Remember that your art is your art, and no one can tell you how to draw things! 

~

I think I’ll leave this here for now! But I may do a part two at some point in the future! & my ask box is always open for anyone who wants any specific advice!

I really hope you found this at least moderately helpful, and a massive thank you to everyone for the constant support of these posts and my art!

#art advice #drawing #drawing tips #art advice for beginners #drawing advice #artists on tumblr #art #i SWEAR i am trying not to ramble in these i just... have a lot to say lol

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Victor’s Phantom Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Dedicated to Victor’s lovely @litteidiot 🌹🥰

The date begins with MC in Victor’s office to present her weekly report. While waiting for him to return from a meeting, she thinks about how she plans to invite Victor to a dinner event.

This event includes a fashion show, and has been organized as a collaboration between MC’s company and a magazine company.

While she’s thinking, she falls asleep on the sofa.

Victor: MC? Wake up…

I wave my hands impatiently, wanting to chase away the pesky voice at my ear.

Victor: Looks like you don’t need to give a report for your proposal.

MC: !! I’m awake! I wasn’t sleeping!

MC takes out her documents.

Victor: Hair.

MC: Hm?

Seeing my puzzled expression, Victor reaches over to the top of my head, and presses down the hair that’s standing up.

Victor: You can begin now.

After she presents her report, Victor nods.

Victor: Not bad this time.  

MC: That’s great!

I release a huge sigh of relief at the rare praise. Only now do I have the mood to think of a new goal.

MC: Victor, are you free this Saturday?

I secretly hold the invitation card that was sandwiched in between the documents in my hand, prepared to hand it to him once he responds.

Without giving it much thought, Victor answers.  

Victor: I have to attend a Finance Talk on Saturday. What’s happening on that day?

MC: Oh… nothing! I was just asking.

I shake my head, quelling the disappointment in my heart, and stuff the invitation card back amongst the documents.  

Victor seems to have noticed that I’m hiding something, but he doesn’t press further.  

~

On the day of the event, stress levels are high. After checking the flow of the event yet again, MC finally relaxes a little and decides to send Victor a message.

MC: You can come over to the dinner event if you still have time after the talk!

Even though I didn’t invite Victor in person, I still sent an invitation card to LFG on behalf of the company. However, I’m unsure if Victor saw it.

After pressing the “send” button, I hold onto my phone and wait for a response. As the minutes and seconds trickle by, the disappointment in my heart swells.

MC: Maybe phones aren’t allowed in that venue.

I find random excuses for Victor. At this moment, Anna walks over frantically.

Anna explains that the mystery guest they planned to have as the finale model just met with an accident. Anna insists that MC replaces her. 

After a full makeover, MC gets stunned by her own reflection in the mirror.

The person in the mirror is wearing a glittering silver dress which outlines her good figure. A white mask covers half of her face, revealing seductive red lips. She looks extremely foreign.

I suddenly feel a little glad that Victor didn’t come.  

~

In the resting area of the venue, Victor looks at the message on his phone and freezes in place.

Victor: Did MC’s company recently organize any dinner events?

He turns to Goldman and receives an answer.

Soon, an elegant champagne-coloured invitation card is placed in his hands.

Seeing the neat handwriting on the card, a smile flashes in his eyes.

~

Back at the dinner event, MC feels incredibly nervous. She notices that everyone looks similar because they’re all wearing masks. 

However, I see an extremely familiar profile with just a sweep of my eyes.

--What is he doing here?!

My eyes widen, and I mess up the actions I had rehearsed earlier.

That tall man standing near the window and wearing a black mask – who else could he be if not Victor?

I try to maintain my cold posture, but my line of sight involuntarily falls to him. My earlier nervousness is completely forgotten.

Victor looks as though he just arrived at the venue, standing against the window and facing the stage.

As though sensing my gaze, he lifts his head towards the stage.

He halts his movements, then raises his hand to peel the mask off his face. He meets my eyes amongst the crowd.

He is illuminated by the white light from outside the window, casting him in an extraordinarily cold glow.

I hear my heart beating out of control, and even my breathing becomes messy.

While I’m panicking on stage, the audience is calm.

It is unclear if he has recognised me or not.

A mixture of shyness and embarrassment flood my head. I use my remaining willpower to grasp my reason, turning around to finish the final half of the catwalk.

The gaze that follows my back carries a certain warmth, making my ears turn red.

~

After the fashion shows ends, I can hardly wait to head backstage to change out of my outfit, but I’m stopped.

Artistic Director: This outfit suits you! The celebratory dinner is about to begin, so there’s no time to change.

I look at the time and resignedly admit that he’s right.

After taking a quick break backstage, MC returns to the venue. She’s unable to recognize who anybody is because of the masks

Just as she wonders if Victor has left, she spots him in the crowd…

His head is lowered while he talks to a model. She is wearing a skirt similar to mine and is wearing the exact same mask. As though they are talking about a common interest, he smiles.

An inexplicable emotion overflows from my heart.

Victor seems to have sensed something, and he turns his head in my direction.

I hurriedly lower my head and hide behind someone’s back. I inch away slowly.

MC: Why do I even need to avoid him?

She decides to go back, but the Artistic Director stuffs a glass of red wine into her hand and asks her to celebrate together with the group

Because people keep offering her toasts, she eventually finishes the entire glass

MC: I will… leave for a while. Please continue.

I find a random excuse and stagger to an empty corner. My head feels dizzy, as though someone had twirled me around in circles.

Several thoughts run through my mind: Why did Victor appear? Did he see the message I sent? Is he waiting for me? Why was he talking to someone else – did he mistake her for me?

The more my mind wanders, the more I’m unable to control my heart, and it bubbles like champagne from an open bottle.

MC: I should change out of this outfit, then look for him…

I shut my eyes, my mind working especially slowly in my drunken state.

The music from the hall becomes modified, and the weird series of notes makes me forget what the original song was.

In my dazed and hazy state, I sense someone coming towards me. A nearing warmth suddenly appears in the ice-cold air.  

Victor: What are you hiding here for?

A deep voice enters my ear. I am compelled to call out his name, but I’m unable to tear myself away from this dream-like drunkenness.

Victor: You’ve been drinking?  

A familiar scent is within reach, unhappy with the mildest resistance.

Searing fingers lift my chin. Slightly rough fingertips brush my skin. In my dazed state, I tremble involuntarily.

Victor: Are you okay?

A low voice accompanied by warm breaths descend on my ears and bare shoulders, making my back go weak.

With no time to think, I reach out to push away this warmth that messes with my senses and heartbeat.

I open my eyes unhappily, and the person in front of me looks like an illusion, swaying in my vision. He is basked in a heavy shadow, and I can’t see him properly.

MC: Victor?

Am I dreaming? Or is this an illusion caused by drinking?

Victor: You can still recognize me?  

One hand is pressed against the wall, trapping me between the space between him and the wall.

The light muslin of the curtain swishes in the wind. I follow the movement of his fingers and lift my head, as though I’m a prey that has fallen into a web.

Why is the Victor I hallucinated not gentle at all?

I look at him, my mind still imagining things. The playfulness that I usually suppress suddenly bubbles to the surface.

My tone is laced with boldness when I think about how he might have confused someone else for me earlier.

MC: Have you gotten the wrong person?

Victor: Hm? What are you trying to do?

Victor arches an eyebrow, the slight huskiness in his voice stirring the heart.

I suppress my accelerating heartbeat and continue this performance to the end.

MC: I never thought CEO Victor would make time to attend these types of fashion dinner events. Are you on a date with a beautiful woman?

Even I myself fail to realise how sour my tone sounds.

Victor purses his lips and does not respond. The warm light sharpens his features, making him appear slightly cold.

If it were a typical day, I would have backed down. But under the influence of alcohol, my boldness has grown, and I even feel wronged.

MC: Why aren’t you saying anything?

Victor: What do you want me to say?

He lets go, the corner of his lips raised. The sense of resignation he exudes carries with it a tinge of tenderness. 

I stare at him in a daze, telling him what is in my heart.

MC: You look good when you smile.

This time, Victor is the one who looks at me in surprise. He doesn’t speak, waiting for me to continue.

As though enchanted by his charm, I smile and reach out for his palm, happily asking him a question.

MC: Victor, let’s dance!

Victor: You still want to dance in such a drunken state?

MC: Yes! I… I’m amazing at it!

While saying this, I raise his hand up high and twirl gracefully in front of him. After that, I toss him a provocative look.

Victor: You win.

Just when I thought he would reject me, he places his hand on the small of my back and applies pressure to it, gently closing the distance between us.

Music from the hall travels to this corner where nobody would disturb us - mellifluous, romantic, and gentle. Even the aura surrounding Victor turns tender.  

My steps are light and messy, but in the space within his arms, our Waltz carries on steadily.

I lift my head to look at his expression and meet his especially deep and serious eyes.

It’s as though they own the entire cosmos.

They continue dancing, and MC tries but fails to hide her smile.

Victor: You no longer step on people’s feet when you dance now.  

Taking two seconds longer than usual to respond, I raise my head and respond arrogantly.

MC: That’s a given! It’s because I have a good teacher, and I am a good student!

Victor: A good student… you’re not wrong.

Victor lets out a low laugh. The magnetic sound has a crispness to it.

I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol or his breath, but whenever I turn or when we draw near to each other, my breathing becomes increasingly hurried.

Even before the song ends, I have already stopped my movements.

MC: I don’t want to dance any more, I’m feeling very dizzy!

Victor furrows his eyebrows and releases a sigh.

Victor: If you’re feeling dizzy, stop moving about. I’ll bring something over for you to sober up.

MC: Don’t go-

Seeing that he is about to leave, I quickly grab hold of his sleeve, then stand on my toes and lean in, stopping just a few centimeters from his face.

A faint smell of alcohol mingles in our breaths, but it isn’t a bad smell.  

A darkness flits across Victor’s eyes. His breathing is deep and steady, but it quickens slightly.

I hold onto and observe him for a while, then open my mouth with hesitance.

MC: Are you really Victor?

Victor’s face blackens.

Victor: Then who do you think I am?

MC: Oh, this tone is really like Victor’s!

I duck my neck, letting go of his sleeve reluctantly. I sit next to the window obediently and watch him as he leaves.

MC slowly starts to sober up:

Victor: What’s wrong now?

The sudden voice pulls me back to reality. I turn my head to see that Victor has returned. I suddenly realise — it truly is Victor.

It’s neither a dream nor a hallucination. I really asked Victor to dance with me for no reason at all!

Victor: There’s only honey water. Drink this first.

MC: …I think you’ve got the wrong person. So sorry about that, my alcohol tolerance isn’t that good!!

Victor lapses into a short silence. The gaze he is shooting me with very clearly spells the word “idiot”.

I slowly recall that I had already used this “wrong person” phrase before, so I cover my face with my hands.  

MC: …I was just kidding.

I laugh in embarrassment, looking at Victor’s expression through the spaces between my fingers. He seems to be a little angry, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m drunk or because of the words I just said.

Victor: You think I wouldn’t be able to recognize you?

There is a bright flash of danger in his eyes. Borrowing the leftover courage from my drunken stupor, I mutter incredibly softly.

[Note: The word “danger” might seem odd, but it’s the literal translation of the term used (”危险”)]

MC: Weren’t you talking to a girl who was dressed like me just now?

Victor: What girl?

Victor pauses for a few seconds, then seems to recall who I was talking about.

Victor: You’ve been vexed about this issue all this time?

MC: Not really vexed. Just a little…

Victor: Is there an issue if I asked the staff where you were? It’s all because someone went missing after sending me a message.

My eyes widen. The tone of Victor’s voice changes.

Victor: Is that why you went into hiding after seeing me?

MC: This, um, there’s a reason for that.

Victor’s eyebrows arch in interest as he waits for me to continue.

At this moment, my stomach suddenly lets out a weird noise.

MC: Ha, haha…

I cover my empty stomach and let out two embarrassed chokes of laughter.

Victor: You haven’t eaten anything tonight?

MC: I ate a small bun. If I ate too much, I wouldn’t look nice in this skirt.

Victor sizes me up with his gaze. I’ve long since forgotten that I initially didn’t want him to see this outfit. I even continue complaining.

MC: These high heels are very high and my toes hurt. The necklace is very heavy and my neck is about to snap off. Ah, this is the price of beauty!

Victor: Do you like this style?

For some reason, I suddenly sense a dangerous aura, so I quickly respond.

[Note: Again, I personally feel “danger” is too strong a term, but it’s the literal translation of the term used (”危险”)]

MC: I don’t. If it weren’t for the sudden accident, I wouldn’t have been roped into the fashion show!

Victor: In future, don’t agree to these sorts of things.

MC: Mm, I wouldn’t do such things again next time!

I nod my head immediately. Seeing his expression become warmer, I release a sigh of relief.

Victor: Next time, don’t drink. Learn how to reject when too many people offer you a toast.

Victor hands me the glass. I gulp it down obediently, and the sweetness on my tongue dispels the bitterness of the wine.

Victor steps closer to me, his hand moving to the back of my neck. It is only when his fingers brush against the skin on my neck that I think of dodging.  

Victor: Don’t move.

With a sweep of his gaze, I dare not move.

MC: What are you doing?

I ask softly. He doesn’t respond, lowering his head and patiently unhooking the necklace.

His breath descends on my eyelashes, and I can’t help but blink a few times. Yet, I don’t want to tear my gaze from his face.

The pressure on my neck becomes lighter. I lower my head and see that Victor has removed the heavy necklace in front of my chest, putting it at the side.

Victor: Let’s go and eat.

With this, Victor pulls me in preparation to leave.

MC: Can I have your cooking?!

Just when I think he is about to reject me, he turns to me and nods.

Victor: Sure.

My eyes light up. The moment I think of listing down a series of delicacies I wish to eat, I immediately recall an issue.

Victor: What’s wrong? You haven’t thought about what to eat?

My face crumples as I struggle between the choices of having delicacies or work. Logic triumphs in the end.

MC: I’m one of the persons-in-charge, so I have to wait for the whole event to end before I can leave.

I feel like crying while saying this. While I look at Victor, I can only feel my delicacy sprouting wings and flying away.

Victor: Since I already made a promise, I won’t go back on my word.  

MC: Really? Then let’s make a pinky promise!

I stretch my finger out in front of Victor and stare at him in anticipation.

He lifts his hand, not to hook my pinky, but to give my forehead a gentle flick.

Victor: Childish.

I pout while covering my forehead. It is only now that I see a mask. Recalling how Victor looked when he had his mask on, I hurriedly go over to take it.

MC: I’ll help you put it on!

I stand on my tiptoes, raising both arms as I help Victor wear the black mask.

Victor doesn’t move and lets me put the mask on for him. I didn’t realise that my entire body was basically pressed against his.

The black mask gives Victor a different kind of colour, mystery and unpredictability.

The deep eyes beneath the mask are comparable to the darkest hour of night, and like a vortex that can swallow me up whole.

I’m left dazzled, and yet also instinctively feel like avoiding them due to the danger within.

MC: This way, you wouldn’t be recognized by other people! I’ll be the only one who can recognize you.

I accidentally let the words in my heart spill out. My voice is very soft and contented.

Victor: And you still say you aren’t a dummy.

MC: How am I stupid! I…

I retort, but my words are forgotten once I notice Victor’s tender gaze.

This moment feels like an imagination. His voice clearly and steadily enters my world.

Victor: If you can recognize me, why do you think I wouldn’t be able to recognize you? All you have to know is that in my eyes, you are different from other people.

I let Victor take my hand as we walk into the crowd. The light outlines his profile.

In this strange world created by my remaining stupor, only Victor is real. 

In this gorgeous masquerade, nobody knows who lies under the mask.

At this moment, everyone is immersed in opulence.

Under the masks, no one looks like their original selves. 

But he is still himself, and she is still herself.

Two genuine hearts are mutually drawn to each other, and draw nearer to each other.

🍷

Calls: First // Second

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc victor #gorgeous MC #gorgeous Victor #let’s all enjoy a calming cup of Victor before we collectively COMBUST from the anime release

[loving-inkpressions]

Love On The Brain [1/2]

Summary: It started with just wanting to break free from her past, then it led her to finding so much more in the arms of a tattoo artist. But will Denali let herself heal and fall completely? And what about Rosé? What does she want?

Warning: Past abuse, gaslighting

Prefer reading it on AO3?

“Fine, leave then! Go ahead and walk out that door! You know that you’ll never find someone who will put up with you and your shit. Who is ever going to love someone like you? You’re useless and pathetic and no one is ever going to love you the way that I do!”

———

Standing outside the brick building, Denali stared at the neon sign that flashed the name of the tattoo parlour, Thorns and Roses. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she touched her right earlobe absentmindedly, rubbing the smooth skin there.

She wanted to get her ears pierced, something that she had wanted to do for a while now but could never do so. She wasn’t allowed to. But now that she was finally free, she was finally going to do it. A small little act of rebellion to seize just a little bit of control in her life and take one tiny step towards the vast amount of freedom she now had.

Taking a deep breath, the brunette pushed open the glass door of the tattoo parlour and stepped into the shop, faintly registering the tinkling of a bell overhead.

The shop wasn’t very big, nor was it small either. It seemed just nice, cosy almost. There were pictures, sketches and prints of tattoos of all kinds of designs around her, ranging from pretty and delicate to fierce and bold. There was the rich smell of leather and ink surrounding her and the furnishings matched the scents with a brown leather settee in the corner and bare bulbs hanging from the ceiling. It was fascinating to see, a darker world so different from her own. She had been so distracted by her surroundings that she missed the sound of footsteps and the rustling of fabric as another person stepped into the space.

“Hello there, can I help you?”

She turned around and came face to face with a tall, beautiful woman. Swallowing the gasp that tickled the back of her throat, Denali took in the slightly taller figure of a redhead that was clad in figure hugging jeans that stretched across wide hips and a simple black crop top that was tight against a full chest. Denali could see that the woman was covered in at least half a dozen tattoos adorning the skin of her fingers to her neck and toned stomach.

Snapping out of her daze when she heard the woman clear her throat, Denali blushed at having been caught staring as she spotted the small smirk on the other woman’s face, a brow raised in amusement. Feeling flustered and nervous, Denali stuttered a little. “Hi, I want to get my ears pierced, and was hoping that I could get it done here?”

“Have you been here before?” The woman asked, and Denali shook her head. “No, it’s my first time.” The redhead nodded, and gestured her over to the reception counter. “Alright then, I can set you up.” Nodding, Denali walked over as the woman accessed the terminal at the counter, typing in a few keys. “I’ll just need your name and some details, Miss…?”

“Denali. Denali Foxx.”

“Denali.” The woman repeated, rolling her name in her mouth. “Pretty name.” Denali flushed at her comment as her name was keyed in. The woman hit the print button and retrieved a sheet of paper a few seconds later. “I’ll just need you to fill in this form.” Denali took the form held out to her, ignoring how their fingers brushed against each other and the zing of electricity that shot down her spine. She filled it in, unaware of how the other woman was slowly examining her features with interest in her eyes, and passed it back to her. The redhead scanned it briefly before placing it in a file.

“Great, now if you’ll follow me this way.”

Denali trailed after the woman as she drew the curtains open of one of the doorways in the shop and entered another smaller room. The redhead gestured for her to sit on the black leather chair in the middle as she set about to gather the necessary tools.

“So Denali, is this your first time having your ears pierced?” She asked as she pushed a small trolley over. “Yeah, I’ve never had it done before. Will it hurt?” Chuckling as she arranged the items on the trolley, the woman shook her head. “Not really, just think of it like an ant bite.”

“Right, that’s good to know.” Denali replied, rubbing her slightly sweaty palms against her thighs nervously.

Humming in reply, the woman turned to show Denali an assortment of studs on a small velvet tray. “Now before we do anything, I need you to pick a pair of studs for your ears. You won’t be able to remove them for at least the next two weeks, so be sure to pick something that you’ll like.” Denali looked down at the selection of studs in front of her, hesitating for a second as she looked at them. A familiar voice in her head was whispering to her that they didn’t suit her and would only serve to sully her ears, make her look cheap. That she shouldn’t even go through with this.

The redhead watched Denali as her eyes flickered, noticing how her hands were slowly curling into fists in her lap. Wordlessly, she picked up a silver stud that had a dark blue gem set in it and held it up to Denali’s ear.

“I think the dark blue ones might suit you best. They’d match your pretty brown eyes.”

Blinking back to awareness, Denali looked up to find hazel eyes staring back at her and a gentle hand holding up a stud to her ear, fingers barely brushing her earlobe.

She mentally shook herself.

Right, she was here, and the owner of that voice wasn’t. She was free to make her own choices.

The redhead set the tray down and picked up a mirror from the trolley, holding it up for Denali to see. Looking at her reflection, Denali couldn’t help but agree with her. The dark blue gem looked good against her eyes and tanned skin. She looked back at the tattoo artist and smiled gratefully.

“Yeah, it looks good.”

The woman smiled back at her, setting the mirror and stud aside. She prepared the piercing gun and pulled on a pair of gloves while Denali quickly threw her dark brown hair into a messy bun so that it would be out of the way. Once ready, the woman leaned close to Denali, their faces inches apart as gloved fingers carefully touched Denali’s right earlobe, and the younger girl had to force herself not to shiver at the light touch.

“Rosé.”

“Wha-”

Denali yelped as the needle sunk into her ear. The woman smirked, tapping the shell of her now pierced ear. “Rosé, that’s my name.” The brunette winced as she gingerly touched the edge of her earlobe. “Well Rosé, you said that it wouldn’t hurt.” The redhead chuckled a little as she prepped the gun for the next ear. “I said that it wouldn’t really hurt, but I guess now I know what your pain threshold is, princess.” Rosé teased, winking at Denali. The other girl’s brows raised, surprised at the casual way that the tattoo artist had just called her princess.

Before she could react, she yelped again when she felt her other earlobe being pierced.

“All done.”

Rosé set the gun down and held the mirror up to Denali. Pouting just a little, the younger girl peered at her reflection, turning her head from side to side as she looked at the dark blue studs that now glinted in her ears. A wide smile stretched across her lips, a small sense of victory settling in her chest. “They’re perfect.” She whispered and Rosé smiled back at her, setting the mirror back down on the trolley.

Removing her gloves, Rosé looked at the other girl as she raised a hand to touch the studs inquisitively. Catching her wrist in her now ungloved hand, Rosé tutted. “Careful baby, they’re still fresh. You wouldn’t want to hurt yourself, would you?” Caught up in the feel of the older woman’s touch, Denali stammered out. “Oh, right. I’ll be careful.” Rosé stared back down at the seated girl, taken in by how Denali’s wide brown eyes seemed so innocent and how there was a light dusting of pink across her cheeks. The redhead let go of her wrist after a while, and Denali let her hand fall into her lap, trying to ignore how the feel of Rosé’s touch still lingered on her skin.

“Have you ever thought about getting inked? Your skin is the perfect canvas to be marked.” Rosé asked, eyes tracing the exposed skin of her arms and legs. “If you want, I can do it for you, and I promise to be gentle.” She winked, and Denali felt her face heat up, trying to convince herself that what Rosé was saying was innocent, with no other implications tied to her words. After all, they had just met, and it was probably all just business to the tattoo artist.

But there was something about Rosé that seemed to draw Denali in, and she found herself wanting to feel those fingers on her again.

“I’ll think about it.” She found herself carelessly promising, and the redhead smiled, making Denali smile shyly back at her.

“I’ll hold you to it then, princess.”

———

Denali found herself unable to stop thinking about the tattoo artist for days. It was strange how such a short encounter could leave such an impression on her. She found herself recalling the transient touches between them, how close the other woman had been when she was piercing her ear, her fingers on her wrist, the intoxicating scent of ink blending with the musk of her perfume. She thought about those little moments so often that they’d invaded her dreams at night.

The brunette had never really thought about getting a tattoo before. There had been fleeting moments of consideration, the thought of wanting to have something meaningful marked on her skin, but every time she had sat down to seriously consider it, that voice in her head had shut her down with criticisms. But that was then, and again that small little rebellious spirit that had been ignited in her was sparking, and Denali had begun to examine her body after showers to decide where she could have herself inked.

It wasn’t too long before the brunette found herself back at the tattoo parlour again, pushing open the glass door and finding herself face to face once more with the tattoo artist that had been gracing her dreams at night. Rosé looked up at her from behind the counter, her thick red curls piled messily atop her head and a sketchbook propped open in front of her. Her eyes met Denali’s and a smirk stretched across her lips.

“Back for more, princess?”

Denali swallowed and smiled tentatively, still second guessing her decision. “I was thinking about maybe getting a tattoo? Not a big one. I’m not too sure about where though. Maybe on my stomach or my thigh?” Rosé watched as Denali squirmed nervously in front of her, before closing her sketchbook and picking it up. She walked over to one of the rooms in the shop and pulled open the curtains.

“Right this way then.”

Looking into the other room, Denali walked through the doorway, aware of the eyes on her figure as she brushed past the redhead that stood in the doorway with a slight shiver. Denali heard the rustle of fabric and the sound of a door closing, and was led to a desk that sat in the corner of the room. She sat in the chair that Rosé pulled out for her and the other woman sat across from her, opening her sketchbook to a new page and retrieving a pencil from the stationary cup on the desk.

“So what do you have in mind?”

“I was thinking of maybe having a watercolour tattoo of sorts with forget me not flowers and a snowflake, if that makes sense?” Denali tried to verbalise the idea and symbols in her head. When she saw the slight look of confusion on Rosé’s face, she quickly pulled her phone out of her pocket and showed her some references. Pictures of some watercolour tattoos she’d come across on Pinterest, images of blue forget me nots and delicate snowflakes.

“May I?” Rosé asked, extending her hand out and Denali nodded, handing her phone over to the tattoo artist. Rosé tilted her head as she looked through the pictures Denali had shown her, a small crease between her brows as she examined the pictures. After a while, she handed the phone back to Denali with a quick thank you and began sketching out a design, her hand working nimbly as her pencil started sketching her vision to life.

The room was silent, except for the sound of graphite on paper as Rosé sketched. Denali sat, watching in awe as a delicate design of flowers and snow was quickly outlined.

“So why a snowflake and this flower in particular?” Rosé asked, intrigued, but her pencil never stopped moving.

“Oh, erm, I was actually originally from Alaska before moving here, hence the flower, and I’ve been ice skating all my life.” Denali replied, pushing an errant brown curl back into place as she carried on watching Rosé’s hands as they worked.

“So you’re a figure skater?”

“Yup.” Denali replied with a pop. “I still go for competitions every now and then, though most of my days are now spent at the rink teaching a new generation of kids interested in figure skating. It’s nice seeing the determination and progress of young children. It’s really precious.”

Rosé’s strokes paused for a moment and she looked up, smiling softly when she saw the dreamy faraway look in Denali’s eyes, as if she was at the rink. “So I was right then, you really are a princess. A pretty ice princess.”

Denali snapped out of her daze, blushing at the combination of a compliment and nickname for her from the redhead. She giggled shyly, scratching the back of her neck. “I guess you could say that?”

Rosé chuckled, enjoying how the younger girl seemed bashful under her gaze, before resuming her work on the design. “If that’s the case, then I’ll be sure to make this the prettiest design for the prettiest girl that’s ever entered my shop.”

Denali had to bite back her grin at that, knowing that if she didn’t, she’d be grinning like an idiot at Rosé’s words.

Minutes later, Rosé set her pencil down, the sketch complete. “What do you think?” She asked, holding up the design and Denali’s mouth fell open. The design comprised of a watercolour outline in the shape of a snowflake and a branch of forget me nots sprouting in the middle.

“It’s beautiful!” Denali gasped, reaching out to touch the paper with her fingertips. Rosé smiled, pleased that Denali liked it. “I’m glad that you like it princess. Have you decided where you want it inked yet?”

“Yeah, sort of. I think I’d like to have it on my thigh, but I’m not too sure if I should do it on the outer thigh closer to my hip, or-” She cleared her throat, a little embarrassed. “Maybe my inner thigh? Somewhere a little more discreet and easier to hide.” Rosé smirked, setting her sketchbook down. “I see. Do you want my opinion?”

“Yes, please.”

“Such a polite princess you are.” Rosé chuckled, causing Denali to sputter just a bit. “Well, I think you should get it on your inner thigh. You mentioned that you teach and still skate competitively, right? Then it might be best to have it there. It can also be like a little secret for yourself, and for me too since I’ll be the one inking you.” The redhead winked, and Denali giggled. She liked that idea, the thought of having a little secret to herself and Rosé by extension. It was nice.

“I like it, I think I’ll go with that.”

Rosé smiled at her and stood. “Right, then I’ll go prepare the stencil and equipment.” She looked over Denali, a glint in her eye. “I see that you’re already dressed for the occasion with those little shorts of yours, so you can just get yourself comfortable over there.” Rosé pointed at the large black reclining seat in the middle of the room and she moved to leave. Denali stared after the redhead as she opened the door and exited the room, then back at the seat, swallowing thickly.

Somehow, it looked a little intimidating in more ways than one, and Denali couldn’t help the less than innocent thoughts that started running through her mind.

“Don’t be an idiot, look at yourself in the mirror. What makes you think she even finds you attractive?”

Frowning at the poisonous whispers in her mind again, she mentally stamped it out and hopped onto the chair, settling down. She took deep and calming breaths to try and push the voice out of her head and the little bit of anxiety she could feel bubbling in her chest.

After some time, Rosé came back, pushing a trolley of tools and a stencil in her gloved hands.

“Ready, princess?”

Denali nodded as Rosé pulled up next to her. Grabbing a stool nearby, she drew it close to her and sat on it. “So Denali, I’ll need you to show me where you want your tattoo so that I can prep the area and lay out the stencil.” Realising what she had to do, Denali gulped and parted her legs, avoiding looking at Rosé as she did so, completely missing how the other woman’s eyes darkened. “Here.” She pointed to the middle of her right inner thigh.

Rosé grabbed the bottle of disinfectant, pouring some onto a cloth. Looking back at the blushing brunette, Rosé traced the spot where Denli had indicated with her index finger, revelling in the sharp intake of breath she heard.

“Here?”

Denali looked at Rosé and nodded, not trusting herself to speak, especially not when she saw how the redhead was looking back at her.

Pulling her finger away, Rosé set about to clean the surface of the skin, chuckling when Denali jumped at the cool touch of the disinfectant. Once Rosé was satisfied with how clean her skin was, she squeezed out an adequate amount of stencil primer, rubbing it between her palms to warm it up before spreading it across Denali’s skin.

Rosé noticed the slight tremble of Denali’s legs and smirked, resisting the wild urge she had to pin the brunette down. Instead she kept it professional and once the surface was primed and ready, took the stencil and pressed it onto Denali’s thigh. Carefully patting it down, she left it on for a few seconds, then peeled the paper off, leaving behind a bright blue outline of the tattoo.

“There you go, princess. The first sneak peak of how your tattoo will look.”

Sitting up to take a better look, Denali gasped, touching the skin around the outline. She flashed a brilliant smile at Rosé, dimples out in full force. Rosé couldn’t stop staring at the smile and the dimples on Denali’s face. The girl in front of her was so beautiful. There was a certain fragility to her that made Rosé want to be careful with her, but at the same time want to pin her down and ruin her, just to see her begging under-

Blinking back to reality, Rosé smiled back at the brunette, quickly turning away to prepare the necessary equipment and to reign in any further indecent thoughts she had towards Denali.

“Alright baby, let’s bring your vision to life.”

———

The three inch wide tattoo took just a little over three hours to complete, and by the time Rosé was done, Denali was pretty sure the area around the tattoo was numb from the pain. Rosé had been patient and detailed throughout the process, sometimes even tenderly brushing the skin surrounding the design to soothe Denali. Despite the pain, it had been a pleasant experience with Rosé managing to chat with her intermittently as she worked, and Denali found herself warming up even more to the tattoo artist.

When it was complete, Denali had sat up and beamed, taking in the full coloured beauty of the design. Rosé had added some flourishes along the way with tiny flecks of snow, and the colours she used were those of the aurora borealis. Resisting the urge to touch the tattoo, she instead threw her arms around Rosé’s neck.

“I love it. Thank you so much, Rosé!”

A little startled, Rosé took a second to process the weight of Denali before hugging her back, patting the back of her head as she chuckled.

“You’re welcome, princess.”

Pulling away and completely oblivious to the effect she had on the redhead, Denali moved to get off the seat, eager to finally get out of the black chair, but was stopped by Rosé’s hand on her knee. “Slow down baby, I need to dress the tattoo first before you can move. You don’t want to accidentally mess it up or hurt yourself, do you?”

Moments later, Denali had her tattoo dressed with a protective film and was making her payment at the counter. It stung a little to walk, but she didn’t mind. Printing out the receipt, Rosé tore it from for the printer and passed it to Denali. She hesitated for a second, before opening a box at the counter. Pulling out a business card, Rosé wrote down her number and held it out to Denali.

“Listen, I don’t normally do this, but do you maybe want to go out for coffee some time?” Rosé asked, leaning against the counter. “There’s just something about you, and I’d really like to get to know you more.”

Denali bit her lower lip as she took the card from Rosé. She hadn’t really expected Rosé to ask her out. She knew that she was attracted to the other woman, and it was true that there was some sort of spark between them, but she hadn’t expected anything to happen. Denali wasn’t even sure if she was ready, not after the mess that had been her last relationship with-

“Okay.” Denali blurted out, surprised at her own hasty response. Rosé’s face lit up, not really expecting Denali to reply positively. “Really?”

Pushing the thought of her last relationship to the back of her mind and that niggling voice, Denali nodded, fingers twisting a little at the hem of her top as she smiled.

“Yeah, I’d love to.”

———

“I’m sorry sweetheart, you know that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m only trying to help you. But Denali, you know you have to stop dreaming, right? What’s the point of trying when you keep failing? You’re only delaying the inevitable.”

———

For the next few weeks, Rosé and Denali had gone on a few dates and gotten closer.

Rosé learned about how Denali had grown up in Alaska, about how her dreams soon outgrew the little town that she lived in, and how she moved to New York to pursue her goal of being a professional figure skater. Denali had even mentioned that she had come close to making it to the olympics. She had tried multiple times, but had always just fallen short of meeting the points to be qualified. When she had spoken about it, Rosé had noticed her voice catching, as if remembering something before smiling and changing the topic.

It was something that seemed to happen often when they were together, like Denali was holding herself back. It was as if she was afraid of saying the wrong thing, but Rosé never pushed her about it. Instead, she just listened patiently, willing to wait for the brunette because there was something inside of Rosé telling her that Denali was worth waiting for.

That Denali was worth it.

———

Denali bit into her slice of pepperoni pizza as she sat cross legged on her couch, watching a movie that Friday night with Rosé.

It was a quiet night in for the two of them, something that Denali really appreciated. Fridays were normally hectic with the number of classes she had to teach, and it was especially so with how one of the other teachers had called in sick, and she needed to cover for them. By the time she had gotten home, she had felt too tired for the date that she had planned with Rosé. When Denali had texted the other girl, she had been a little worried that Rosé would be unhappy with her. She knew it was dumb because Rosé had been nothing but sweet during their times together, but she wanted to be careful.

She knew through experience how sweet things could turn sour in no time.

When Rosé texted back minutes later, Denali was relieved when she had assured her that it was alright, and instead offered to bring over pizza for the two of them and make a movie night out of it.

Now here they sat watching The Mask together, a movie that Rosé had mentioned was one of her all time favourites. Denali had cracked up when Rosé had insisted that Cameron Diaz’s character had been one of the things that had made her realise how she preferred girls to boys when she was younger.

Finishing off her slice of pizza, she went to wash her hands in the kitchen and settled back on the couch, this time taking the initiative to sit closer to Rosé, leaning against the redhead. Rosé, having already finished eating a while ago, wrapped an arm around Denali’s waist and pulled her closer, letting the other girl relax against her side.

It felt nice, sharing their warmth together and just being cozy and comfortable, tucked away in the privacy of Denali’s home. Rosé’s fingers traced random patterns on the exposed skin of Denali’s waist before falling to her hip and resting there. The redhead looked down at Denali, taking in her features, how she was so soft and trusting with her, and in that moment, Rosé couldn’t help but press a kiss to Denali’s temple. Looking up in surprise, Denali connected her eyes with Rosé, feeling the temperature in the room rise when her brown eyes met hazel. She felt Rosé’s fingers touch her cheek, tracing the curve of her cheekbone and jaw, then looping back to the stud in her earlobe. Rosé leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Denali’s ear. She pulled away, marvelling at how Denali’s blush spread from her cheeks to her ears.

Dropping another kiss to Denali’s other ear, Rosé pulled her onto her lap, one of her hands reaching down to caress the sensitive skin of the brunette’s inner thigh, tracing the lines of the tattoo there and causing Denali’s breath to hitch. Her fingers slowly drifted closer to the apex of her thighs, teasing the hem of Denali’s shorts, before Rosé stopped herself, pulling her hand away. Instead, she leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together and cupped Denali’s cheeks. Rosé kissed the tip of the brunette’s nose, then pulled away slightly, looking deep into Denali’s eyes.

“Tell me if this is okay. You don’t have to say yes, you can say no. Tell me what you want, tell me what makes you uncomfortable, tell me if this is alright with you, and whatever you say, I will listen. Anything at all, Denali. Whatever you want, princess.”

Denali stared back at Rosé, her heart racing a million miles an hour as she felt the feelings she had been burying deep inside, feelings she had been denying slowly start to surface. She wanted it, god did she want to, but she was scared. Part of her was afraid about how intensely she was starting to feel for Rosé, anxious about how real her feelings were, that she could possibly be clinging onto Rosé because of how affectionate and caring the other woman was. Every night that cruel voice would whisper to her how she wasn’t worthy of the attention that Rosé had been showering her with, but in this moment, that voice was quiet.

It was just Denali and Rosé.

Lower lip trembling and eyes flickering as she struggled internally, Denali finally threw caution to the wind and wrapped her arms around Rosé’s neck.

“Please, Rosie.”

Rosé swallowed at the nickname, a nickname that Denali had never used before.

“Please what, princess? You need to tell me what you want.”

Blushing harder, Denali buried her face into the crook of Rosé’s neck.

“Please touch me.” She whispered.

And that was all Rosé needed to hear.

———

Rosé had Denali on her bed, caressing every bit of exposed skin she could reach after tugging off her tank top and shorts, leaving her in her bra and panties. Rosé knew that Denali was beautiful, but when she was stripped of almost all her clothes, the brunette was breathtaking. Her figure was immaculate, arms, legs and stomach lightly toned. Her skin was smooth and tan, and not a single blemish was on her, except for the ink on her right thigh. The tattoo that Rosé had designed and inked into her skin.

Bending down, Rosé kissed the middle of the tattoo causing Denali to gasp, and she smiled, tracing the dark lines with her tongue. Kissing her way to Denali’s clothed core, she stopped and nosed the damp patch there, taking in the intoxicating scent that was purely Denali.

“Wait.”

Rosé froze, then felt a gentle hand on her cheek as Denali sat up. “I’m sorry, do you want me to-“

“No no, Rosie, it’s just that I’m lying here in my underwear and you’re still in your clothes. It’s not really fair, is it?” Denali giggled, tugging at Rosé’s shirt. Rosé chuckled in relief, before raising her arms up as Denali pulled her shirt off. Lifting her hips when Denali moved to tug her jeans off, Rosé helped her wriggle out of them and tossed it to the floor with the rest of their clothes.

The two girls sat on the bed, both in their underwear, both staring at each other’s forms. Denali made the first move, reaching around the redhead and unclasped her bra and tossed it aside. Staring at Rosé’s breasts, she reached out to touch them, but hesitated. Rosé saw her hesitation and took her hands, pressing Denali’s palms to her chest. “It’s alright, Denali. You can touch them.”

Denali bit her lip, then cupped her hands, carefully caressing them before running her thumbs over Rosé’s nipples, eliciting a gasp from the redhead. Leaning forward, she pressed a tentative kiss to the middle of Rosé’s chest before pushing her down, straddling her. Smiling shyly down at the redhead, Denali peppered Rosé’s chest with kisses, before sucking a bruise next to her right nipple, savouring the whine that Rosé let out when she did. Pulling away, she looked down at Rosé, a small little smirk of her own teasing her lips.

“Do you want to touch me, Rosie?”

Rosé looked back at Denali, taking in her blown pupils, her dark brown hair falling in waves and how the moonlight made her almost glow. She nodded, her hands itching to touch Denali again.

Smiling, Denali unclasped her own bra, and threw it aside. Mirroring what Rosé had done, she took the other girl’s hands and placed them on her breasts, moaning when Rosé lightly squeezed them.

It was the moan that caused Rosé to snap. She moved her hands to Denali’s waist and rolled them over, the redhead now towering over Denali, eyes hooded and dark with desire.

Leaning down, Rosé drew Denali’s right nipple into her mouth and swirled her tongue around it, causing Denali to gasp. Wanting to pull more reactions out of her, Rosé repeated the same thing to Denali’s other nipple, then began to nip and kiss a trail down her abdomen. Reaching the waistband of her panties, Rosé looked up, locking eyes with Denali. Without looking away, she hooked her fingers at the waistband and pull her panties off her. With nothing left between Rosé and Denali’s core, she pushed the brunette’s trembling thighs apart and lightly traced the wet folds with her finger, fingertip wet with Denali’s slick when she pulled it away.

“Just look how wet you are, princess. I guess I’ll need to do something about it, hmmm?”

———

The next morning, Denali had woken up to being held to Rosé’s chest, her muscles thrumming with a pleasant soreness and her body warmed by a combination of Rosé’s warmth and the morning sun.

Rosé had ravished Denali through the night. The woman that was usually gentle and sweet to Denali was very different in bed, and Denali liked it.

She liked it when Rosé pushed her down, and fingered her, edging her till she saw stars. She liked it when she pinned her wrists above her head and sucked a constellation of marks all across her chest. She especially liked it when Rosé kissed and tongued her core until she was a sobbing mess of incoherent words.

Lying sleepily in Rosé’s arms, Denali found herself examining the other girl’s face. She saw the faint laugh lines and light spray of freckles across her nose, how her lips looked soft and pink in the sunlight filtering through the blinds. Rosé had always called her beautiful, but honestly Denali thought that Rosé was even more beautiful. No, she was gorgeous.

How did she get so lucky and find someone like Rosé?

Denali couldn’t help the smile that spread across her lips, and she ducked her head under Rosé’s chin, snuggling into the other woman’s embrace. She let herself drift back to sleep, at peace for the first time in months.

———

Once they started the physical aspect of whatever it was between them, it was like they couldn’t stop.

What she had with Rosé was completely different from what she had experienced with anyone else. There was something raw between them, the biting promise of sinful pleasure buried beneath layers of desire and longing. The other girl drew something out of Denali, something wild and primal, and she loved it. She knew that Rosé loved to wreck her, see her come undone under her tattooed fingers, make Denali gasp and whine and shudder and cry out in pleasure. Rosé had said as much, loving to see the pretty ice princess become not so pretty and begging for more under her, kissing tears of desperation from her cheeks, holding her down by the wrists, leaving bruises on her hips and thighs, marking up Denali’s skin.

She always loved to leave her mark on Denali, be it bruises from how tightly Rosé would grip the brunette with her fingers or biting and sucking on her smooth skin till bruises bloomed. They were always in intimate areas where no one else could see, her hips, inner thighs, her breasts, along her ribs, between her shoulder blades, places that were easy to hide but would always be on display once Rosé stripped Denali bare. The boldest places Rosé had left her mark on Denali were behind her ears and at the back of her neck, and those were followed by filthy whispers of how it was their dirty little secret between them that the world would be teased with.

Despite the weighted touches and the pleasure shared between the two, there was something light in it too, and though Rosé could be a little rough and slightly domineering at times, there was also a gentleness to her touches. It was a juxtaposition that both enticed and scared Denali.

But even though Rosé had explored almost every inch of her body, her fingers having mapped out almost every crevice, Denali was always careful not to ever let their lips meet. That was the one rule that Denali had and Rosé followed without question. There were kisses of course, just never on the mouth. Denali was precious about it, wanting to keep just one part of her to herself, and guard the one point of connection which she kept for someone that she knew she loved and who loved her in return. Someone she was willing to give her whole heart to. And that person right now was not Rosé.

Not yet at least.

———

“Denali, you know that no one would ever be able to see you the way that I do, or have the same amount of patience as me to put up with you and your way of life. Think about it, is there anyone out there who would really love someone like you?”

———

“Rosie, what are you doing here?”

Denali skated to the edge of the ice, surprised to see the redhead at the rink. It was Saturday afternoon and after Denali had wrapped up her last class of the day. Usually she’d take this time to practice her own moves and refine her routines, and normally Rosé wouldn’t encroach on her during this time. Not that Denali would have minded if she did anyways because she liked spending time with the redhead.

“Hello to you too, princess.” Rosé said as she leaned over the divider to drop a kiss on Denali’s cheek in greeting. “I just wanted to drop by and watch you skate, I hope you don’t mind?”

Feeling her heart skip a beat, Denali grinned. “Of course I don’t, Rosie. Why don’t you sit over there in the bleachers? I was going to go through this song that someone’s commissioned me to choreograph.”

Kissing Rosé on the cheek in return and shooing her off, Denali skated to speak to someone at the side while Rosé got comfortable on the bleachers. Minutes later, a smooth jazz song was playing over the speakers and Denali flawlessly glided across the ice as she went through the routine that she had been working on. Every spin, every turn and every leap was flawless, and Rosé couldn’t help but watch in absolute awe. She had always known that Denali was an amazing skater from the videos she had seen on the girl’s Instagram, but to see it in real life before her eyes was a whole other experience.

When Denali was done, Rosé couldn’t help but stand and clap proudly for her. The brunette grinned bashfully and skated back to Rosé, her face flushed from skating and a glow was evident around her, hugging the redhead once she reached her. Rosé hugged her back, her heart feeling full just from watching Denali express herself on the ice and just be who she was.

This was the woman that Rosé knew that she was slowly, but surely, falling for.

That night, Rosé brought Denali home and took her time with her, kissing and touching every part of her that she could. She held the other girl as she gasped and whined in Rosé’s arms through her release and later they curled up together in her bed, their bodies covered by a white sheet. Admiring the brunette lying next to her, Rosé brushed the stray locks away from Denali’s face and noticed for the first time that she was still wearing the same dark blue studs from when she had first gotten her ears pierced.

“It’s been almost three months since you got your ears pierced, aren’t you going to replace these studs?” Rosé asked as she traced the shell of her ear. Denali shivered at the light touch, eyes fluttering at the slightly ticklish sensation.

“I’m not sure what to get, and I like these studs.” Denali replied. “Why? Do they- Do they look weird on me?” She opened her eyes and touched one of them, suddenly self conscious of them. Rosé picked up on her insecurity and immediately shook her head, catching Denali’s hand and tangling their fingers together. “No princess, not at all. If that’s what you want to wear, then you should wear them. I’m just curious, that’s all.” She smiled, then kissed the back of Denali’s hand in reassurance before letting it go.

“Oh, okay.” Denali whispered, curling her hands back to her chest with a small smile, feeling a tiny sense of relief at the other girl’s words. Rosé chuckled and poked Denali playfully in the cheek. “And here I thought you were keeping them on because I picked them out for you.” She joked.

Denali stilled. She hadn’t wanted to admit it, not even to herself, but that had been the exact reason why she hadn’t replaced them yet. It reminded her of Rosé, like a little piece to remind her that she was now in control of her own life and that there was someone there with her, even though it wasn’t in the strictest and most platonic or romantic sense.

A grin spread across Rosé’s face when she saw the look on Denali’s face, realising she had hit the nail on the head, a warmth settling in her belly. Before the brunette could start to overthink, Rosé’s hands distracted her when she slid her fingers back between Denali's folds and had her wet and whimpering again in no time.

The next night that they spent together, Rosé had a pair of diamond snowflake earrings set on the bedside table for Denali to wear.

———

It had been about four months since Denali and Rosé had been seeing each other. They hadn’t put a label on whatever it was that was between them, though it was clear that the both of them were exclusively seeing each other and no one else. The more time that they spent together, the more Denali realised she was falling hard for the tattoo artist. But while she longed to let herself fall completely, she was afraid.

What if Rosé didn’t feel the same way and was just here for the fun and pleasure of it? What if she was just toying with Denali? What if she dumped her the moment Denali admitted that she was developing feelings for her?

What if Samantha was right and that there was no one out there that would love her? That the blossoming feelings she had were futile? That the seeds blooming in her chest would only produce thorns that would tear her heart to shreds if she let it flower, and then where would that leave her? Broken and crying and alone once more.

———

Denali panted, coming down from her high as she felt Rosé gently lay one last kiss between her legs and slowly kiss her way up her body. Hovering over Denali, she looked down at her, her hazel eyes gazing into Denali’s brown ones, arms braced on either side of her. Her eyes flitted from the her eyes to her lips before Rosé slowly descended, her intent on wanting to kiss her on the lips clear, and Denali was suddenly gripped with panic. Shaking her head, she pushed the older girl away with a cry. “No!” Startled by the other girl’s sudden outburst, Rosé rolled to the side.

There was a beat of silence before Rosé sat up, looking down at a shaking Denali.

“Denali?”

As if snapping out of a stupor, Denali began to move, scrambling to get off the bed. “I’m so sorry, Rosé. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“ Catching hold of the trembling girl’s hands, Rosé moved to calm her down. “Denali, you didn’t hurt me. Look at me princess, I’m fine. I’m alright.” She reassured her, rubbing soothing circles onto the back of hand. It broke her heart to see the girl that she cared for so deeply so frightened of something she could not see.

Once Denali had calmed down, Rosé cupped her face between her hands, stroking the other girl’s cheek with her thumb.

“Denali, what happened? Who hurt you and left you feeling this way?” Rosé asked. Denali swallowed and turned away from her, not wanting to let the older girl see her so vulnerable. She didn’t want to tell Rosé anything, too ashamed to admit that she was broken, too afraid to tell her something that she had not told anyone else before.

“Princess?”

Letting out a shuddering sigh, Denali fought herself internally for a moment before finally letting out a sigh.

“Her name is Samantha.”

“Hey there, I noticed you from across the room and was wondering if you’d like to maybe get a coffee with me?”

“I was with her for about four years. At first, it was great. I loved her, and she loved me, and everything was perfect. She was perfect, and she said that I was her perfect girl.”

“Look at how pretty you are, love. I must be the luckiest woman in the world to date someone as beautiful and talented as you are! My perfect girl.”

“But over time, things started to change. She started to change. Or maybe she was always like that, and just didn’t show it. I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should stop wearing that top. It looks kind of cheap. We can go get you a new one when we go out tomorrow!”

“It started off small, little suggestions here and there. They seemed innocent enough and well intentioned, so I never questioned it.”

“Denali, you need to be a bit more careful about what you eat. You need to stay healthy if you want to carry on skating and competing. You don’t want to outgrow your costumes, right? They aren’t exactly cheap.”

“But then she started to say things that hurt, and then she’d justify herself with logic and the things she said made sense, so I just believed her.

“Maybe it’s time to give up on figure skating. I’m not saying you’re terrible, love. You’re great, but it’s been years of trying and you haven’t really gotten anywhere. You can’t be skating all your life, eventually you’ll need to stop and find a real job. I will always support you, Denali, but I won’t always be around. I’m just worried for you.”

“And then I started questioning myself, whether there was something wrong with me. You have to understand that Samantha was the woman I loved. I really did love her and she loved me, or at least she said that she loved me.”

“I love you so much, sweetheart. I just want what’s best for you. For us.”

“But then it started getting too much. I started questioning myself, questioning everything I did. Everything I did, I would think of her, whether what I was doing was right or wrong, and they weren’t even by my standards, but hers. After a while, I realised that I was alone with no one else because she had somehow convinced me that my friends didn’t have my best interests at heart, and that she loved me and only wanted what was best for me.”

“They’re talking about us behind our backs, Denali. They don’t want us to be together.”

“And then one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and so I left. It was so hard. She said the meanest, the most foulest things, she made me feel like I couldn’t do anything without her, and that I was worthless and wouldn’t ever amount to anything. That there wouldn’t be anyone else who would love me for me.”

“Fine, leave then! Go ahead and walk out that door! You know that you’ll never find someone who will put up with you and your shit. Who is ever going to love someone like you? You’re useless and pathetic and no one is ever going to love you the way that I do!”

“It was a struggle. For a while, I couldn’t get myself to leave my apartment after I left her. She kept texting and calling me, leaving me voicemails. And at first, I was stupid enough to listen to them.”

“Denali, I love you so much sweetheart. All I’ve ever wanted was what’s best for us. Please come back to me. I won’t hurt you anymore.”

“But then I finally woke up one day, and decided that enough was enough. I deleted her number and blocked her completely. I wrote down all the things she always told me not to do, and I started to do them. One of the things that I eventually got to strike off the list was to get my ears pierced. That’s when I met you.”

“You’ll never find someone who will love and care for you as much as I do. Who will love you enough to tell you when you’ve fucked up?”

“You know, I used to go to sleep with her voice in my head telling me all the mistakes that I made, all the ways that I’ve screwed up. I would always second guess myself and my decisions, thinking that maybe I really was dumb and making the wrong choices. It’s not as bad as it was before, but every now and then, I still second guess myself and wonder if maybe she was right.”

By the time she was done, Denali had her hands curled into fists, her nails biting into her palms. She barely noticed the pain she was unknowingly inflicting onto herself until Rosé gently took her hands and uncurled her fingers. She looked up at the redhead, her vision blurred by unshed tears and she blinked, letting them fall. Rosé reached out to wipe them away, then kissed her palms, pressing her lips against the indentations there. Pulling her close, Rosé held Denali to her, not wanting to push her anymore, comforting her with soft touches to her back and soothing whispers in her ear.

After hearing it all, all she wanted to do was to comfort Denali and reassure her, and all the while there was a burning rage for the person that had broken the crying girl in her arms.

———

“Eventually they’ll get sick of you, they’ll see how ugly you really are and then you’ll come crawling back to me, begging for me to love you again.”

———

“I got you something.”

Rosé looked at Denali, surprise painted on her face. “You did?” The brunette nodded, and pulled out a package, handing it to Rosé. “I came across a shop and saw this, and I thought that maybe you’d like it. It’s not a pair of diamond earrings, but I’d like to think it’s something you can use.”

Rosé took the package from Denali, turning it over in her hands, feeling touched at the gesture and the thought that Denali had been thinking of her. “You didn’t have to, Denali. I got you the diamond earrings not so that I would get something in return.”

“I know, but I just- I wanted to. I wanted to get this for you.” Denali replied. She poked the package in Rosé’s hands. “Now enough mushy talk and open it.” She giggled.

Rosé rolled her eyes with a smile and carefully started to peel back the wrapping paper as Denali practically buzzed from excitement. When she finally had the present unwrapped, she stared at it in awe.

It was a gorgeous leather bound sketchbook. Rosé ran her fingers over the thick spine, touching the smooth brown leather, feeling the buttery soft texture beneath her fingertips. The bookbinding was hand sewn, and at the bottom right hand corner of the cover her name had been stitched in gold. She opened it and ran a finger down the paper, then felt it between her fingers. It was the perfect thickness and texture, similar to the ones in her own sketchbooks, but definitely of better quality. Rosé flipped the front page and saw Denali’s familiar cursive handwriting.

“For you to capture the beauty of your imagination.”

She read aloud, then looked at Denali, who was looking away, cheeks pink and fingers twisting together nervously. There was a tug in Rosé’s heart and she set the book down carefully as she pulled the brunette to her. Tilting Denali’s chin so that she was looking at her then sliding their hands together, Rosé smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

“Thank you, princess.”

———

Denali woke up in the morning to find Rosé already awake still next to her, propped up against the headboard, hand moving deftly across her new sketchbook. Blinking awake, Denali watched as Rosé sketched, seemingly unaware of the eyes watching her. Her face was calm, just a tiny wrinkle of concentration between her brows and a small smile on her lips. Denali loved moments like this, when she would wake up next to Rosé on quiet mornings and find her sketching. Sometimes they’d be new tattoo ideas she was randomly inspired by or just little bits of every day life. Morning soft Rosé was something that Denali kept locked in her heart, a snapshot stored in the recesses of her mind amongst the other images she had of her.

The woman in question smiled wider then stopped her sketching. Turning to face the younger girl, Rosé pressed a kiss to the corner of Denali’s mouth in greeting. “Good morning, princess.” Denali smiled and sat up, snuggling into Rosé’s side. “Good morning, Rosie. What are you drawing this-“ Denali stopped mid question and found an image of her in graphite looking back at her. On paper, Rosé had sketched out an image of Denali asleep, tendrils of dark hair falling around her face, framing it, lashes casting soft shadows on her cheeks and plush lips slightly parted.

“It’s you.”

Denali looked up, breath caught in her throat as she found herself drowning in pools of warm hazel, and she knew then how deeply her feelings ran.

And she was scared.

———

I know that I said it was only going to be one chapter, but I am honestly on the fence on how I feel about what I've written so far so we'll see?

#rosenali #rpdr fanfiction #inkpression writes

[peppusae]

How to say 'I love you' without saying 'I love you' | Chae Hyungwon pt 1

part: 1 of 3

other parts:  pt 1 || pt 2 || pt 3

pairing: chae hyungwon x reader

genre: fluff, little slow-burn and angst, smut

word count: 5.6k words

note: i had a dream about this plot so i must write this because after this dream hyungwon became my bias wrecker and i cry about him every day since pls send help gbye

ugh i love him so much :(((

>

How to say 'I love you' without saying 'I love you'

What’s every kpop fan’s goal in life?

To meet their idols, attend a concert, and attend a fan sign, right?

Some others... They aim higher than that.

And you’re one of those people.

In fact, you love k-pop so much that you found your career took a whooping turn and you ended up majoring in language, for the very simple fact that you could apply to join an entertainment company and be a staff/writer, the latter which makes you feel the proudest of yourself.

But life….

Life can be super mean sometimes. And you learn this the hard way, when you get rejected by SM entertainment - your first and actually the only choice because you are a major Shinee fan and life is just NOT fair at all!

One way or the another, after multiple applying, you finally get a good job in another company - Starship Entertainment.

Now, Starship was definitely not one amongst your top 5 agencies. But you always try not to let that affect your work - and over time, you come to love your job.

Especially when you get assigned as Monsta X’s writer and interpreter.

You find the members of the group very very appealing, all of them having their own charms.

Hyunwoo, who goes by the name Shownu and has an appetite that makes everyone giggle; He is such a soft-hearted soul and you really look up to him because he is always kind enough to give you a hand if he finds you doing something like lugging some boxes around, and would give the prettiest eye smiles when he gets a compliment.

Hoseok, who goes by the name Wonho and is probably the person you would sacrifice everything for; because of the heartwarming smile he has to offer, the way he continuously asks you to go through the comments he received on his vlives, and would politely request you to review what fans are saying about him on his posts.

Kihyun, who is very much Korean down to the bone with his extremely polite mannerisms and the way he always makes sure the staff - you included - are always eating as well; even if it’s a show about them. And also, the way he had once asked if he was your bias, and looked shocked to hear he wasn’t - and then continued to do things to get your attention and ask “Am I your bias now?” in the middle, like an idiot.

Jooheon, who also occasionally comes to you and asks for mini English lessons, and then gets bored after learning two or three new words - and then instead likes to chat about random things like the cats he owns, and your line of cacti which he, for some reason, is obsessed with, and your chats with Jooheon usually end with a compliment battle, and he always made you feel proud because he always says that chatting about normal things like that always inspires him a lot too.

Changkyun, who you consider as your bias wrecker because he keeps his own cool, stays in his own bubble and get things done, and doesn’t brag; instead, he’s very gentle, always the first person to notice if you’re sitting out in the lounge by yourself racking your brains for new content, and uses you as a guinea pig for testing out his lame new puns or pickup lines.

And then… Hyungwon, who doesn’t talk a lot when he’s with the rest of the group, but you found to be startlingly talkative when he’s doing a solo vlive or with only a few members like either Shownu or Wonho. In fact, you remember being wide-eyed when he continuously chatted with his fans on a vlive for a whooping 2 hours, and you can’t forget the precious and warm smile he had on his face when you said you liked seeing him so lively and talkative.

“I have a lot of things up my sleeve which you probably don’t know that much about, [Name]-ah.” He had said that time, and sometimes, you can see the way his eyes would filter through the staff during shows and land on yours, and smile at you.

And finally, Minhyuk, who was your absolute favourite out of the entire group, your bias because he gets along so well with everyone, always making everyone - including the staff - laugh, and would not hesitate to call anyone out if they’re doing something they shouldn’t. It makes you giggle, the way he would approach you in the middle of a variety show shooting they’re doing and ask if you were the writer of the show and how you had the audacity to make them walk around like lunatics. He acts like a crackhead like that, but you’ve grown to be so attached to him when you realized that, beyond his bright personality, he also is an insanely sweet person; You found this out when you had mentioned applying to SM entertainment because Shinee was your favorite group ever, and Minhyuk -even if he asked how dare you talk about other men in his presence - met up with Shinee while hosting a show and got the members to sign, and even got Kibum, your Shinee bias, to sign you a message inside their recent album.

Undoubtedly, Minhyuk was your favorite, for a good reason.

But still, to be put frankly, Hyungwon was the member that has your heart, for the simple reason that he was so unpredictable and has his own sense of humour and personality.

Since you got assigned to work with Monsta X, your life has been a messy tangle of fun, a normal day being you having a chat with Hyungwon and then getting interrupted by Minhyuk who would have zero filters and ask “Are you two dating?”, which causes the two of you to flush red for no reason, while Kihyun would overhear this and say “Huh?! You’re picking him to date but you don’t think of me as bias material?”.

The cycle would be endless, with Wonho laughing while watching the entire scene unfold, while Jooheon would join in with Minhyuk while Shownu would butt in and say “Minhyuk-ah, we have to go back to practise now tho,” and Changkyun sticking his head out from his dorm room and saying he still has 5 more minutes to finish the session of his favorite game.

You’ve grown to love this cycle and it doesn’t feel like a job, doing something you love with good people to work with, and life has been even easier after you got a dorm room within the building.

So, even if you had a roommate - and she’s nice, just not too close - things at Starship has been working out well for you.

Your daily chaos started simmering down a little once the pandemic hit, and all of the staff got confined to their rooms for work.

Because some of the shows you’re writing the scripts for are getting approved easily, you feel lucky to be one of the few staff who is now allowed to go alongside the members when they’re out for shows.

The times when you’re working from your dorm room, you feel so tired - perhaps missing the chaos you were so used to for the past couple years.

One day, you get a kakao chat from Hyungwon, asking if he can come over to discuss something with you.

It’s early in the morning - 8:15 am, and you’re half awake but you let him in, trying your hardest not to yawn too much in front of the member you considered the most attractive from the bunch.

Your roommate, Dawon, was kind enough to clean up the room a little bit when you said Hyungwon was coming over - and you said it on purpose because you knew she called Hyungwon her type and admits to having a teensy crush on him even though she knows it won’t work out anyways.

Hyungwon is wearing a caramel sweater and grey baggy sweatpants, and it always warms your heart to see the boys dressed in comfy clothes because they have to spend so much time wearing clothes that probably look good but not feel as comfy.

“Hyungwonnie, come on in!” You greet him, and he reacts with a chuckle and he always does that ever since you started calling him by that nickname after the day he said you should use casual language with him.

Hyungwon gives a little nod to your roommate in acknowledgement, and waits until you draw the curtain separating the room, before he speaks.

“I have a magazine shooting next month, and these are the set of questions they’re gonna ask me.” He says, putting the big envelope he had in his clutches on the top of your desk after he takes his seat. “I need help coming up with answers.”

Hyungwon was usually one of the few members who always comes to use the opportunity; the artists are free to ask the writers for help with answers they’ll give for their interviews, and Hyungwon always makes full use of the opportunity, and Shownu and Wonho occasionally drop by too, as well.

You’re always happy to be asked for help, but today, you find yourself sweat-dropping at the thought. You were so sleepy, the only reason you’re not dozing off is because you had forced yourself not to sit down.

“Why?”

“What?”

“You’re usually always excited when I ask for something like this, so why today?”

Ouch. Sometimes, much like you can read the boy’s faces and know what’s going on, they can sometimes do the same for you, too.

“Well, you see....”

“Have you been getting enough sleep?”

Double ouch. You knew the boys - at least, most of them - were good observers, but you didn’t expect Hyungwon to catch on so easily.

“I actually do get enough sleep, but these days, I feel extra sleepy for an hour or so after I wake up.”

This makes Hyungwon chuckle, putting the papers back inside the envelope and turning back to you.

“Welcome to the life of every human being. You sound like you’ve been babied too much.” He has to say, and you watch the way he gets up from his seat and places the envelope inside one of your drawers.

“Let’s get some breakfast.”

“W-What?!”

This makes the male raise an eyebrow, glancing around the room as if he was unsure if it really was you who said that.

“You’re acting as if we have never gone out for a meal together.”

“Well…” You say, because you’ve actually gone with him a couple of times over the four years you’ve been assigned to them.

That was probably because the boys enjoyed ordering in mostly, and eating at their own free times.

Anyhow, it was only a few times, so it definitely did surprise you.

“Okay. Where do we go?”

“I’m in the mood for some eggs and sausages, do you have anything you want to eat?”

“Hey, we’re gonna split the bill okay!?” You hurry to race Hyungwon outside, who goes out in a very knowing way, one that was like a deja vu of the times when he’d butt in when you’re trying to innocently pay for your delivered lunch tray and he’d ask to tab it over to him.

Kihyun was right, he really was different from the way most Monbebe actually looked up at him.

At the restaurant, Hyungwon takes his mask off only after you two are seated at one of the sectioned booths and have ordered your food.

“The pandemic isn’t good, but this is the only thing that I enjoy about it.” He admits, eyes going over to the lack of people inside the place which would usually be filled to the brim with office workers trying to grab a quick breakfast.

“This pandemic has made me a sleepyhead like you.”

“Hey!”

You find yourself smiling so hard around Hyungwon because during breakfast and after you had forcibly paid for you two, on your way back when he offers to buy you coffee - and even remembers your usual order - and the next two hours he spent with you while you helped him write answers and edit what he wrote, it really does not feel like he’s a celebrity at all; but more so as a close friend who makes you feel warm in ways you’ve never felt before.

“Why?”

You snap out from your little trance and go back to typing your script on the laptop, when he interrupts you.

“Why are you smiling? What kind of madness of a show are you writing now?!”

“Hey! Don’t accuse me of writing madness when your Monbebe loves it so much!”

“Yah, that’s too much! Our Monbebe will love us anyway even if you show them us being normal!”

You giggle, because really. When has Monsta X ever been normal?

---

The next day, right after you wake up, you’re working on the itinerary for Monsta X’s upcoming vacation show - a little too late, you had to admit, and that too, when you’re feeling so desperately sleepy like you’ve been feeling lately every morning.

Dawon had gone out to grab breakfast with some of the other staff, and you’re munching on your melon bread, knowing well that the espresso shot you’ve had just a while ago won’t last you for more than 15 minutes.

And it doesn’t.

In fact, you’re actually snoring when your phone rings loudly, making you lift your sorry face up from your laptop keyboard and answering as soon as you pick up the phone.

“Yes, Manager-nim? I’ll send you the itinerary in fifteen minutes!” You say the impossible, because your task in barely done, and you had a feeling you’d fall back onto the laptop keyboard the second the manager hangs up the call.

The sound of familiar chuckling makes you raise an eyebrow and glance at your phone, horrified to see Hyungwon’s name on the display.

“I need it in ten minutes, not fifteen.” He says in a heavy voice, and it makes you huff in embarrassment, glad that he couldn’t see you.

“Very funny, Hyungwon. What did you need?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to wake you up.”

“I was up!”

This makes him laugh yet again, and you sigh, typing on the keyboard as you think about what good excuse you can say.

“If you were up, you wouldn’t have thought I was your manager.”

You let out a little groan, connecting your headphones to the phone so you could multitask while speaking to the male.

“Really, now, Hyungwonnie, what did you really want? Is there something you wanted to ask again?”

“No, I really just called to wake you up.”

“Well. Isn’t that sweet of you.” You say, sarcastically.

The mini banter and sarcastic comments continue for about ten minutes, by which you’d even finished up the itinerary.

So, even if he did laugh at your sleepyhead behaviour - as if he could talk - you made sure to thank him before you go out to take the printouts and finish off your task.

---

And then, that becomes a ritual.

Hyungwon calls you every day at 8 am, right when you’ve signed in for work and are about to head to get some coffee.

He makes small talk with you, talks about little episodes he’d had, and listens to your ideas.

After the first week, you don’t feel sleepy even if you don’t get the coffee; and you don’t even get sleepy after he hangs up.

Every day, it feels like he’s prepared something new, because he makes you laugh so hard that your sleep completely vanishes.

In fact, after a couple of days, he searches up English songs on Genie Music and sings, butchering up a lot of the lyrics on purpose - you know it’s on purpose because Hyungwon has a really good pronunciation when he tries.

One day, you’re butchering up the lyrics of a song along with Hyungwon while you’re writing talk segments for Monsta X’s comeback showcase. Your roommate has been giving you funny looks recently, especially after she asked who was calling you every day and you couldn’t lie and told her it was Hyungwon.

The sudden sound of your door flying wide open and a blonde Lee Minhyuk barrelling into your room makes you stop your singing.

“Oh. So it was you, huh.” He has to say, making himself comfortable on your beanbag chair, and drawing the cloth partition between your room when Dawon - your roommate - keeps staring.

Really, Minhyuk does not know what filters are supposed to be.

“What do you mean?” You ask, and from your headphone, Hyungwon hears his friend’s voice, so he dismisses the call after saying he’ll see you again later.

“So it was you Hyungwonie has been getting up every morning to sing his heart out, huh?”

You stare at him, baffled. “Well, he does sing some normal songs, but he mostly sings crack-”

“He usually never wakes up on his own even if he has schedules, and now he has an alarm to call you every day? What, are you guys dating or something?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, what are you saying!!” You hiss, horrified, because the cloth partition does little to block out sounds from the other side.

“I always tell people if they like someone, to stop being so obvious and just ask them out. It’s easy!!”

“It’s not easy and omg shut up!! He’s just calling me because he’s waking me up, he’s just being kind!”

“Hyungwon never wakes up for us, he’s never kind to us, then! And he’s always still sleepy even if he wakes you up, because he goes straight back to bed after he wakes you up!”

You sigh out loud in frustration, shaking your head. “Come on. What did you want, Minhyukkie?”

Minhyuk gives you a knowing smile before he shakes his head, handing you the binded notebook he had in his clutches.

“You’ll give me a read-over, right? I told you about the radio-show I’m gonna start hosting in a few weeks, right? The concept is clear, but I have some topics I want to talk about and I made some scripts about how I could continue the talk.”

“You got it. I’ll need some time, though, how does Thursday sound?”

“Perfect. Thanks!” He gives you a flying kiss that makes you laugh, and then he’s out as fast as he came barreling in.

---

You expected Hyungwon to stop the calling after the confining to your room rule gets lifted up and you’ve started to go to the office for work.

But he doesn’t, and he sounds as if he’s never been as prepared before as he is now.

Even when the comeback is near and he must be practising into the late hours of the night, he never misses a single day.

A few days before the comeback, you find him having lunch with Shownu, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him in a while - and you hadn’t seen his new hair till then too.

For the first time in the four years you’ve been assigned to work with Monsta X, you take a good look at Hyungwon.

A really, really good look.

At first, he hadn’t noticed you, and while you’re refilling your water bottle with chilled water, you notice the way he’s smiling a little while he listens to what Shownu is saying. The way he uses his hand to brush the fringe of his hair he’s dyed blonde is attractive for the first time - and you’d always thought he was a really, really handsome young man… But this is the first time he looks so attractive that you feel like you’re in a daze, staring at him until chilled water fills up your bottle and pours on your fingers, finally catching your attention.

What gives?

The little yelp you let out makes both Shownu and Hyungwon glance over at you - noticing you for the first time. Hyungwon’s eyes go wide, the top of his palm going up to cover his mouth.

“Ah, [Name]-ah. How are you?” Shownu calls over to you, ever so naturally, and you greet him with a smile when it looks like he’s motioning for you to come over.

“I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you doing well?”

“I’m doing good, Hyunwoo-oppa. You guys must be working super hard for the comeback, right?” You say, glancing at Hyungwon, and for the first time ever, you think he’s actually… blushing ?!

It makes you flustered, thinking about what Minhyuk had talked to you about, while he accused you two of dating. Really, Minhyuk had no filters, it never fails to drive you insane sometimes.

“Yeah! You can expect a lot, please do support us a lot!”

You turn to look at Shownu, beaming at his friendly and charming smile before you excuse yourself and head back before you felt your head would explode.

Now, what the heck was that all about!?

Whatever it was, you were definitely going to blame Minhyuk for this!

---

It absolutely surprises you when Hyungwon doesn’t fail to call you, even the following morning.

You guess you had just imagined it in your head yesterday when Hyungwon looked flustered to see you.

Stupid Minhyuk! It was all in your head after all.

“Now that today’s dumb song segment is over,” Hyungwon says, after he sings a butchered up version of Pretty Please, “I’m gonna sing a song from our album!”

“Oh? Will that be okay?”

“Well, you’ll hear the album preview later today, so, why not?” He has to say. “It’s one of my favorites from the album.”

And then, he sings up to the second chorus of Beautiful Night - a song you fall in love with instantly, because the lyrics are so beautiful and Hyungwon sings as if he’s doing so with his whole soul. It almost makes your eyes teary, and you can barely tell him that you love it, before you have to excuse yourself with a little lie.

Since when did Hyungwon’s voice sound this emotional? It’s been over four years, but his voice has always been the same, beautiful voice as before. You open up Genie music, playing some of the older albums, listening to Hyungwon’s voice in the songs, and you feel like you’ve missed out this side of Hyungwon completely, this madly romantic side of him that sounds so sincere that it makes your heart race.

What is going on, seriously…

---

As the days pass by, the little tingle in your heart whenever you see or hear Hyungwon keeps on getting more and more painful.

In fact, by the end of Monsta X’s three-week promotions for Fantasia X, hearing Hyungwon singing songs for you become almost unbearably sad.

Despite having to wake up earlier, or even having to excuse himself in the middle of getting his hair and makeup done, he makes sure to call you - even if you’re sitting and listening to him when he’s in the same room as you are in.

You realize you can’t hold out your expressions if it’s in front of him, so you make sure to get up and go away somewhere when Hyungwon’s call arrives every day at 8 am on the dot.

It’s a warm Saturday morning, and you’re on your bed, your earpods on and listening to Fantasia X on Genie when Hyungwon’s call of the day arrives.

Today, it’s different.

Usually, he sings a trot song, or a really ugly version of an English song with the hopes of making you laugh so much that your sleep completely vanishes.

But today, he doesn’t say anything and immediately starts to sing soulfully; today, he sings Newton, one of your absolute favorite songs by the group, and…

The way he sings it is so, so sad .

Something inside your heart feels like it is burning, and unknowingly, your eyes brim with tears, because…

All the things Minhyuk had told you, all the things you’ve been thinking about Hyungwon lately, all the little glances he sends your way and then looks away when he sees you’re watching…

You feel your emotions going haywire, and your wishful thinking makes you start crying and you pray to god that Hyungwon, who’s singing the chorus so beautiful and sincerely does not notice.

It’s almost unbearable, and you take off your earpods and have him on speaker, thankful that he doesn’t notice you’ve reached for tissues to wipe your tears.

Since when did I start feeling this way about him?

How can I think this way about one of the members I work for?

Why does Hyungwon sing as if he’s singing just for me, and only me?

Why does it feel like we are never able to meet eyes now?

You have so many questions and no answers, and your hands are shaking as you try to press record on your phone because he sounds so, so beautiful and your crying is not helping you in focusing on his sincere singing.

It is at this moment that the door to your room flies open, and your roommate, Dawon enter the room, then freezes when she sees you crying.

“What’s going on?!”

You’re only able to hand over the phone to her, and mumble a little “Please record it for me” through your sobs.

Dawon looks very confused, raising an eyebrow when she looks at the receiver and sees that it is Hyungwon, on the call.

At that moment, Hyungwon wraps up his singing, clearing his throat a little and speaks for the first time today.

“[Name]-ah.”

You find yourself sniffling, glancing at Dawon who looks visibly upset now… and you can’t even blame her…

“[Name]-ah.” He calls your name again, and this is one of the things that makes you sad in regards to Hyungwon, because… He is a member of Monsta X, one of the manlier groups in the industry for sure, but… He’s so gentle and sweet, a kind-hearted soul, and he does not lack in anything, as he has proudly claimed so.

Even the way he calls your name out is so gentle that it makes more tears stream down your face, and you’re almost scared at how to answer whatever Hyungwon would ask from you.

“[Name]-ah. I have something I have to tell you, in person.”

Your eyes meet with Dawon, who now looks wide-eyed, and you were sure you would probably look the same.

“I… I have to tell you this in person, so, if you… If you’re willing, would you like to… go for dinner with me today?”

More tears stream down your face, and now you know you can never look Dawon in the eyes either so you bury your face on one of your pillows, heart aching too much to do anything else.

“Hyungwon-ssi.”

Dawon speaks into the speakerphone, and it makes you glance at her, wondering what she was going to say.

Hyungwon replies with a loud ‘Huh?’ in confusion.

“Hyungwon-ssi, I’m sorry, but [Name] is outside and she left her phone here.”

Dawon looks at you, lips pressed into a thin line. You feel so uneasy, and it felt like Hyungwon felt the same, because he starts to stammer.

“Wh-Wha? What?! If [Name] wasn’t the one who answered, then wh- Whaaaaa!” You hear a loud whine before the call gets disconnected with a quick mumble of “Sorry!”.

Dawon hurls the phone at your bed, and leaves the room without a word, and it pains your heart so much that you feel like you’ll die.

A text message pops up on your phone a little while later and seeing the text makes you feel a little dizzy, even.

‘If you’re freely going to allow other people to roam through your phone even, I don’t think I have any other choice but to come to see you right away.’

What?

Wait, does he mean-

You hurry to grab your phone and iPad, wiping your face as best as you could and going out of your room. You find Minhyuk and Kihyun using the Xbox in the lounge, so you quietly take a seat near them, greeting them and opening up your iPad without another word.

“[Name]-ah, why do you look so weird?”

“Yah, Minhyuk, how can you say something so rude?!”

You shake your head and give a weak smile at the two, opening up your notepad and leaning against the couch.

A moment passes by, and Minhyuk moves closer to you on the couch, so close that you actually move a little back as well.

“What?”

“I finished my game with Kihyunnie. So. Why? Why do you look so sad? Did Hyungwonie hurt you?”

Now, you’ve been doing a good job of not crying since you got out of the room, but seeing Minhyuk’s worried face and then remembering Hyungwon’s words - along with Minhyuk hitting a bullseye right away… All of that combine together and it makes you start to cry again.

“Wha? Hey?!” Minhyuk looks very startled, and he usually never looks surprised like he doesn’t know what to do, but today he looks like he’s at a dead end, and you allow him to grab your hand and tell Kihyun he’ll be right back, before he hurries to drag you over to the other end of the lounge near the vending machines.

“Yah, what is going on with you lately? Hyungwon really said something mean to you, didn’t he? Sheesh. Acting like he’s in love with you and then making you cry like this? I didn’t expect him out of everyone to behave this way.”

The more Minhyuk spoke, the worse you felt, and you’re barely able to ask him if he could be kind enough to leave you alone for a second when you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

“[Name]-ah…. Minhyuk-ah?!”

You and Minhyuk glance up to see Hyungwon approaching you, and you hurry to take your hand away from Minhyuk’s clutch.

Really, Hyungwon couldn’t have caught a worse timing.

Minhyuk shoots you a sad look, then gets up from his seat, goes to say something to Kihyun, then the two of them leave while Kihyun glances at you with a worried look on his face. You can’t get yourself to look at Hyungwon, so you’re looking at your hands, fingers fumbling while Hyungwon stands in his spot in front of you, not saying a single word.

More tears fall down your face when you remember Minhyuk’s words - and how wrong was he to assume the worst from the sweetest person you know, and it pains your heart because you knew if you looked in his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to stop crying.

“Why?”

Hyungwon says a single word, and honestly, that was the only thing you didn’t have an answer for.

Why were you crying?

You didn’t know.

Why can’t you look at Hyungwon?

You had no clue.

Why did Minhyuk know right away?

That too, you didn’t know at all.

Why can’t you answer him?

You had no reason.

So instead, you find tears streaming down your face, and you wish you could leave, but you felt like you owed Hyungwon at least this much, to hear what he had to say even if you felt like something was cutting through your heart.

“Stand up.”

It’s the first time you’ve heard him ask you to do something in that voice, an angry, impatient voice you’ve never imagined you’d ever be on the receiving end for.

“[Name]-ah.”

You hum in response, eyes on the ground. Hyungwon lets out an exhale and you can feel your hands trembling because it’s while you’re looking at his shoes with an aching heart, that you realize something you’ve been wishing so hard was not true.

You were in love with Chae Hyungwon.

Out of completely nowhere, so naturally.... You were so madly in love with Chae Hyungwon; so much that looking at him now would be too much to take, now.

“You heard everything I said, didn’t you?”

Now, that’s something you didn’t expect to hear from him. He had sounded so worried and embarrassed on the phone so you didn’t think he would have any suspicious, but here he was, showing you that he certainly did.

It makes you look up at his face for the first time today, and it pains your heart.

It paints your heart, because he’s wearing clothes with a lot of creases - something he’s been wearing to sleep, and he has on a beanie that covers most of his messy-looking hair, and he’s looking at you with puffy eyes and a frown that hurts so much to look at.

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore so you shake your head in response. Hyungwon looks visibly disappointed, like he knew right away that you were lying. You think he has something more he wants to say, because his lips part a little… And then, he lets out a sigh and shakes his head as well.

“If you are this burdened by how I feel, then…” Hyungwon’s voice trails off, taking a step back and then turning around. You watch the way he walks out of the lounge without a word, and if you felt like you’d never been more hurt before, you were completely wrong, because nothing pained your heart more than watching the male leave like that, as if he had so much to say and couldn’t…. Just like how you felt while you sink back on the couch and cry your heart out.

And from that day onwards, Hyungwon doesn’t call you again.

-----

#hyungwon #chaehyungwon #monsta x #monsta x hyungwon #fluff #slowburn #pls help i love hyungwon so much

[21st-centuryliability]

You’re My Sunshine || Ben Hardy X Reader - Chapter 5 - Part 1

A/N: I finally got this damn chapter done!!

Warnings: Mostly just fluff, some angry and protective Ben and angry Roger 👀

It was back to the daily grind, Ben was already gone when you woke up and there was already a coffee order text waiting for you on your phone. As much as you didn’t want to move from your bed you were interested to see just how hungover Joe was. Messy bun and minimal make up, you threw on some clothes, put some food and fresh water down for Frankie and headed out to the nearest Starbucks. Making your usual ‘hot coffees coming through’ dash across set you found the boys. Some looking more worse for wear than others.

“You really need to not drink so much on work nights!” Ben teased Joe as he hid his face and groaned.

“No nooo you’ll smudge your make up” The frustrated make up artist faffed over Joe.

“Good morning guys!” You smiled, laughing slightly at Joes suffering “Hanging are we Joe?”

“Did you get my coffee?” Joe grumbled.

“Right here” You laughed as you handed him the cup, a smile forming on his face as he perked up a little as he caught a smell of the dark beans.

“You’re a lifesaver, I actually love you” Joe was in bliss with his coffee.

“Hey easy tiger, she’s spoken for remember?” Ben grinned at you as he wrapped him around you, grabbing his drink from the tray with the other.

“As a friend, Jesus!” Joe groaned.

“Ouch!” You smiled as Ben placed a kiss to your temple.

“How’s your morning been?” Ben asked.

“Better than Joes by the looks of it” You taunted Joe some more as Ben chuckled.

“You can cut it out now” Joe moaned some more already mostly done with his coffee.

“Could’ve said the same to you last night” Gwil walked over as he joined in on winding Joe up.

“Ha ha very funny” Joe rolled his eyes.

“Don’t turn up to work with a hangover if you don’t want the piss taken out of you” You heard Rogers voice from behind you.

“What Roger said!” Ben agreed with your Uncle, trying to be in his good books even though he most definitely wasn’t.

As Roger said himself, just because he allows your relationship with Ben doesn’t mean he has to like it which was clearly shown by him nudging Bens arm from around your shoulders as he walked past you both. Although it didn’t take Ben long to put his arm back where it rightly belongs. You had countless ‘talks’ and heated discussions with Roger about Ben but he wouldn’t budge, adamant that things would go wrong and Ben would hurt you even though you knew better than anyone that Ben wouldn’t hurt a fly and would never even consider hurting you.

“I’ll talk sense into him eventually, don’t worry” Brian smiled at the pair of you as he followed after Roger, the two of them definitely fulfilled the role of good cop bad cop.

Even on the night you were caught by your uncle, Brian was immediately on your side. After all someone had to stop the wave of red that took over Rogers face. After delivering the coffees you made your way over to Bens trailer, he had given you the spare key when he realized that your ‘office’ was the canteen and he wanted you to have somewhere more comfortable to work not to mention that it meant you would already be in his trailer waiting for him between scenes. Looking round the trailer you couldn’t help but flashback to the night in question.

***

You repeatedly looked at your phone hoping it was a little closer to Ben’s break. After spending the last few hours wading through emails and sorting out potential promo opportunities you wanted nothing more than to spend a little time alone with Ben. Slowly packing up the mess of paper and empty cups from the make shift desk you had made you eagerly awaited the familiar knock on the trailer door. Just as you made yourself comfy on the sofa it was there, the gentle tap tap from Ben.

“Hey how wa-“ before you could finish your sentence Bens hands found your waist as he gently pushed you inside, kissing you passionately almost knocking you over as he engulfed you in his embrace.

“I’ve been waiting all day to do that” Ben chuckled as he let his nose and forehead rest gently against yours.

“I can tell” You smiled as you wrapped your arms round Ben’s shoulders.

“So are we watching a movie then?” Ben asked before placing a soft peck upon your lips before pulling away to get ready to settle down.

“It’s your turn to choose remember” You replied as you watched Ben intently.

Watching movies in the breaks between filming had become a routine for the two of you or make shift dates as you both would say. After all there wasn’t much time for proper dates and the relationship was still very much secret ...well secret from Roger and Brian that is.

You watched Ben as he pushed his messy blonde hair out of his face before removing his T-shirt making it difficult for you to concentrate on the popcorn you were trying to pour into a bowl. Ben chuckled as he caught you trying to cover up the mess you had made, holding your hips and placing a gentle kiss on your cheek. Before Ben made himself comfy he grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped it round himself. As you placed the popcorn and usual movie snacks on the coffee table Ben had draped the blanket round his shoulders, tapping his chest for you join him. Taking off the jumper you had been wearing all day leaving you in just a cami top, you pressed play on the laptop that sat on the cabinet at the end of the sofa before you took your place between Ben’s legs leaning back against his bare chest. Ben was a sucker for skin to skin contact but in a sweet innocent way, he loved the way your skin felt against his as you relaxed into him. Ben gently placed an earphone in your ear, you didn’t want the sound of the movie to attract unwanted guests, before softly kissing your temple and wrapping his arms around you with the blanket, the blanket that Ben had brought from his flat specifically for such events.

“Are you comfy?” Ben spoke softly into your earphone free ear, his nose gently brushing the side of your face.

“Of course” You smiled up at the hazel eyes that watched over you with absolute adoration, your fingertips tracing patterns on Ben’s chest.

“Just checking” Ben chuckled as his arms tightened around you bringing you as physically close to him as he could, the both of you letting out a sigh as you both became fully relaxed against each other.

It wasn’t until you were just over half way through the movie that the two of you heard muffled voices outside, Ben jumping to pause the movie even though you had earphones specifically so people outside couldn’t hear it.

“What do you mean Y/N is in Ben’s trailer?” The voice became all too familiar.

“They’re always in there together...” Joe accidentally let slip.

“Thank mate” Ben sighed quietly as he whispered.

“Oh crap” You panicked as the voices got closer, pretty much outside the door.

“I’m sure it’s nothing Rog” Brian tried to calm him down followed by Roger almost banging the door down.

“Shit!” Ben froze around you.

“You locked the door right?” You looked up at Ben.

“OPEN UP!” Roger banged his fist on the door.

“Rog, calm down” Brian tried again just as Roger twisted the door handle to find it unlocked, sending the door flying open.

“Erm...” You stuttered as you and Ben remained still on the sofa still wrapped up in the blanket.

“Oh my god” Rogers voice dropped a little as he was faced with his niece snuggled up with one of the boys he specifically told you not to get involved with.

“I can explain” You tried to stand up for yourself but Ben wasn’t about to let you fight this alone.

“...no we can explain” Ben desperately tried not to look Roger in the eye as the drummers temper was visibly rising.

“Oh god you better be clothed under that blanket!” Roger looked away as Ben tightened the blanket around the two of you.

“What do you want uncle Rog?” You sighed.

“What did I tell you?” Roger growled.

“Look we didn’t mean for this to happen” You replied somewhat calmly.

“It just did” Ben spoke softly after you, tightening his arms around you.

“How long has this been going on for?” Roger asked as he took a deep breath as both you and Ben looked at each other before looking back at him.

“Roger, before you kick off...” You tried to explain but before you could get any further Roger cut you off.

“But nothing, I told you not to get involved with any of the guys” Roger replied with anger in his voice.

“I know but...” You tried to speak again.

“You know if this goes public all hell will break loose, fans will go crazy, the paps will follow you everywhere and stick their noses into everything” Roger began to rant “You’ll get worn down and your heart broken and when that happens don’t come crying to me!”

“What are you trying to say?” Ben stood up as you followed behind him.

“This will just end badly and he’ll break your heart Y/N!” Roger finally came out with it, groaning as Ben stood next to you topless “Ben put a shirt on!”

“Ok I think we all need to take a moment to breathe and come back to this when we’re all a bit calmer” Brian tried to calm the tempers that were rising as Joe flung Ben his hoodie that was lying about.

“I would never hurt Y/N!” Ben exclaimed, sounding a little hurt by Rogers claims “She means the absolute world to me!”

“Everyone knows if you mess with Y/N you mess with Ben” Joe finally chipped in, instead of standing there in awkward silence.

“You knew? Who else knew?” Roger looked straight at Brian.

“I didn’t know, I just figured it out for myself” Brian gave the two of you a reassuring smile, you knew if anyone could talk your Uncle Roger down and make him see sense it was Brian.

“We only told the boys and Lucy” Ben smiled down at you sweetly as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

“Oh god” Roger acted as if he was disgusted by the subtle display of affection Ben had shown towards you.

“They were gonna figure it out anyway” You sighed as Roger’s face grew redder and redder.

“AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO TELL ME?” Roger finally broke as Ben stood in front of you almost in instinct to protect you.

“I know you’re angry and upset right now and you’re just looking out for your niece but I promise you I would never ever hurt Y/N, this happened because I saw something in her that I’ve never seen in anyone else. I know this will probably sound cheesy and a little cringey but I fell inlove with Y/N the moment I met her” Ben spoke softly and emotionally “I know there’s the whole no relationships at work thing but we’ll keep our relationship outside of work ...all though that will be hard”

Ben looked at you as he finished that sentence, making you laugh a little and earning a groan from Roger.

“Ok I think we should go get a coffee ...or maybe a shot of vodka... and calm down before talking anymore” Brian hinted at Roger as he guided him out of the trailer by his shoulders “Come on Joe!”

“Meeting in the canteen in 20 minutes” Roger grumbled as he left the trailer, followed by Brian and Joe shutting the door behind him.

“Well that could’ve gone better” You sighed as Ben wrapped his arms around your shoulders from behind.

“Ah I’m sure he’ll be fine in a little while, Brian will get through to him” Ben spoke softly in your ear as you gently placed your hands on his arm as he nuzzled his nose into your shoulder before placing delicate kiss.

“You were really sweet by the way” You smiled as you turned to face him.

“Hmm?” Ben was too distracted in you, tucking your hair behind your ears as he held your face in his hands.

“What you said earlier to Roger” You reminded him as Ben let his nose rest against yours “It was really sweet”

“Well it’s true, I’ve loved you since I first saw you Y/N” Ben spoke softly as he brought you into a sweet but passionate kiss.

“I love you too Ben” You looked up at the hazel eyes above you “Always”

“Here put this on!” Ben smiled as he took his hoodie off and handed it to you before grabbing his T-shirt from earlier on.

“Roger will notice that this is yours, you know that right?” You raised your eyebrow at your sweet but mischievous boyfriend.

“That’s the point babe” Ben winked at you as he went to pick up both yours and his shoes by the door.

You shook your head at Ben as he handed you your shoes with a huge grin, knowing that the road ahead was going to be bumpy, you knew Roger wasn’t going to accept Ben happily and Ben wasn’t going to make it easy.

“Are you ready?” Ben asked, holding the trailer door open.

“Let’s just get this over with” You sighed as you walked past Ben and out of the trailer.

“I’m sure it will be fine” Ben replied calmly as he locked the door.

“You’ve met my uncle right?” You groaned as you started walking.

“Well...” Ben made you jump as he snuck up behind you, wrapping his arms around you waist and swaying you gently “He’ll have to deal with it”

“Do I have to remind you about I’m in love with my car?” You looked up at Ben as he chuckled.

“Well he’ll be hiding in a cupboard for a long time, I’m not going anywhere” Ben’s husky voice in your ear made you melt like butter as he held you a little tighter, gently pressing a kiss to your temple.

As the two of made your way to the canteen, preparing yourself for the bollocking you were about to receive, Ben entwined his hand with yours running his thumb across the back of your hand calming you down. Despite playing your hotheaded uncle in the movie Ben was much more level headed and not a lot could bother him.

Ben walked infront, still holding your hand as you walked over to your friends, most of them a little confused as to what was happening, except Joe.

“There’s the lovebirds” Gwil smiled as you both sat down.

“Anyone know what this meeting is about?” Lucy asked as Joe and Rami sat down with a tray of coffees.

“What are we talking about?” Rami asked as he made himself comfy next to Lucy.

“The meeting? What’s going on?” Lucy asked again.

“Oh that, Ben and Y/N were caught” Joe blurted out as Rami choked a little on his coffee, you kept your eyes on the table while Ben rolled his eyes at Joe.

“Ooh” Gwil grimaced “Should I ask more?”

“Can we just leave it...” before Ben could finish Joe jumped in.

“They were having one of their make do movie dates and Ben was topless” Joe let it all out.

“Joe!!” Ben was beginning to lose his patience with Joe and if they weren’t such good friends Ben would’ve had him already.

“Sorry but they’re gonna find out anyway” Joe held his hands up.

“That’s not the point though” Ben grumbled, clearly not wanting to be in the situation he was currently in.

“Hey it’ll be ok” You spoke softly to Ben as you ran your thumb gently across the back of his hand for reassurance.

“It’s good that Roger knows now right?” Lucy pondered.

“Well he didn’t seem too pleased and the fact he called this meeting says he’s not happy about it” You sighed as Ben looked at you with a little sadness in his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like it, I’m not letting you go” Ben smiled sweetly as he kissed the back of your hand earning a not so subtle grumble from Joe “Don’t you start!”

“Ben leave him, it’s ok” You tried to calm him but Joe was only about to aggravate him more.

“It’s his fault this is happening anyway” Ben furrowed his brow at Joe.

“Wait what?” Gwil asked confused.

“Ben we knew this was going to happen eventually, you can’t blame Joe for that, yeah he may have blabbed a little but we’re the ones sneaking around remember?” You tried to talk sense into Ben, that this was inevitable and waiting to happen and had nothing to do with Joe “This is something we just have to face”

“I’m sorry for blabbing though” Joe apologized to keep the peace.

“Sorry for losing my temper with you” Ben gave the apology back.

“Hey wasn’t that the hoodie you were wearing earlier?” Joe asked receiving a piercing look from Ben “Alright ok I’ll shut up”

Just as the tension between Ben and Joe had resolved Roger came bounding in followed by Brian.

“Right you probably all know what this is about so I’m just gonna remind you of the no relationships at work policy” Roger grumbled as he sat down.

“You mean the one that only applies to Y/N and I?” Ben mumbled under his breath.

“Ben don’t” You spoke quietly.

“It applies to all of you” Roger stared Ben down.

“Really? Gwil was already in a relationship, Rami and Lucy don’t seem to be a problem and god knows Joe isn’t getting a girlfriend anytime soon” Bens anger came out full force.

“Ok ow” Joe screwed nose up.

“Rami and Lucy are different” Roger tried to explain.

“What, because they’re both cast members?” Ben snapped back as Roger remained speechless “It is isn’t?”

“You’re lucky Y/N is my niece” Roger started to snap back.

#bohemian rhapsody #borhap #ben hardy #joe mazzello #gwilym lee #rami malek #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fluff #ben hardy x you #ben hardy x reader #ymsfic #fanfic #fluff

[girl4music]

Information on Twin Flames

You guys might find this interesting to read and recognize that it sounds extremely similiar to a relationship we all know and love. This information is taken from an Allure article written only last year.

"Have you ever met somebody who completely changed the course of your life? It might have been your twin flame. But what does that term mean, exactly? And, perhaps more importantly, how do you know when you've found yours?

“These high-level spiritual love connections do exist, but here’s a pretty serious misunderstanding of what that means," says psychospiritual mentor and love coach Lisa Vallejos. Many people assume that a twin flame is the same thing as a romantic soul mate and use the terms interchangeably, but these are entirely different things. While they can be romantic relationships, they can also be completely platonic in nature. Still, twin flames are intense and life-changing relationships that can forever change who you are.

Meeting your twin flame will change your life, but what does the term mean? Here's how to know when you meet them, what it'll feel like, and how the relationship is different from the one you have with a soul mate.

What is a twin flame?

Contrary to popular belief, a twin flame is not your soul mate. Your twin flame doesn't even have to be someone you fall in love with (although it often is). "This kind of high-level, soul-based connection isn’t about romance. It’s about spiritual growth," says Vallejos. "You meet them and your life just completely changes. You start seeing the world differently. It pushes you to want to engage with the divine, shift consciousness, and become a better, soulful being in this experience." A twin flame can be a romantic partner, a friend, a mentor, or even a student.

The relationship goes both ways. It's not a one-way spiritual street. When you meet your twin flame, they will forever change your life and you will do the same thing for them. According to intuitive energy healer Tasha Nassar, a twin flame relationship helps us unite the divine masculine and feminine within us all. (We all contain masculine and feminine energies regardless of our gender).

While such relationships are with another person, they are also meant to help us evolve our relationship with ourselves. Nassar tells Allure that when these energies come into union with another, you become a higher version of yourself and realize a version of love different from other types of relationships.

How do you know when you meet your twin flame?

Have you ever met someone and it just felt...meant to be?

“There’s a sense of homecoming," explains Vallejos. "There’s a sense of merging energy where you can’t really tell where you start and they end." Additionally, she says that often your twin flame will have experienced similar childhood trauma. While a twin flame isn't a soul split in two, as we are whole on our own, twin flames do act as a reflection. It's like looking in a mirror, and not only is your unprocessed trauma reflected back at you, but so is past life or ancestral work. "It can be really intense. That’s what being in a twin flame relationship is like, staring into a mirror all day," she says.

Unlike life partners, or what we consider to be soul mates, twin flames are intense and challenging relationships that force us to deal with our unresolved issues and become a bigger person. Because of this intensity, it's uncommon for twin flames to be a lifelong partnership. Rather, they are people who enter your life for a period of time to help you grow and steer you on course. "It is common for those relationships to separate because they are very difficult to maintain," explains Vallejos.

Think of your twin flame as a catalyst. It's okay if the relationship ends, even if it's quite painful due to the level of intensity. Your twin flame is not someone you should wait around for, as not everyone meets one in this lifetime. Should you find them, don't expect them to be your life partner. That's another type of relationship.

It might feel (or might have felt) like a cosmic spark when you meet your twin flame. They may bring up some of the most challenging lessons you'll learn and will forever change the course of your life — and you'll do the same for them. The relationship will set you on the right path and will help you confront and heal unresolved wounds. Think of your twin flame as a spark, a crucial one, and someone you will always remember. However, it's not only okay but totally normal if the relationship doesn't last forever."

Source: https://www.allure.com/story/what-is-a-twin-flame

21 Major Twin Flame Signs

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” – Rumi (The Essential Rumi)

We are not always receptive to the appearance of our twin flames in life. We might be heart-broken, wracked with grief, maritally over-burdened, or just plain tired and disillusioned when they suddenly appear out of the blue. Feeling unprepared is one of the biggest reasons why twin flame separation and the twin flame runner and chaser complex occurs. In fact, we might have already met our twin flames, but we might have overlooked them or taken them for granted in some way.

Whatever emotional or psychological stage you’re at in life, it is always beneficial to be conscious of the people you live with and meet. These following twin flame signs might help you to open new pathways and opportunities for union:

1. You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person. This might manifest itself as déjà vu, or an unshakable feeling that you’ve known this person before, or are somehow “meant to be together.”

2. You have a feeling that they are going to play a very important role in your own development, without knowing when, why or how.

3. You’ve established an immediate, intense connection with them that is invigorating and shocking at the same time.

4. You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.

5. You are able to be your authentic self – warts and all – without the fear of rejection, persecution or judgment with them.

6. You both embody the yin and yang, in other words, your dark side is balanced by their light side, and their dark side is balanced by your light side.

7. You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.

8. They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.

9. When together you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached. In other words, you still maintain your freedom even though you might be in a relationship with them.

10. You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours. This means that you are both very conscious of the present play of energy (whether happy or sad, angry or forgiving, open or withholding) present in the connection. You’re both therefore highly empathic with each other.

11. You feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.

12. You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life beyond surface similarities.

13. Your twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing. For example, if you are a highly-strung person, your twin flame will most likely be relaxed and messy. If you like to play the victim, your twin flame will be a strong character who refuses to give you pity or sympathy to perpetuate your complex. If you are creatively repressed, your twin flame will be a flourishing artist. In this way, our twin flames challenge and infuriate us but also teach us important lessons about our fears, core wounds, and repressions.

14. Your childhoods were polar opposite. You were raised in very different ways, which led to the development of opposite childhood wounds that you now have the opportunity to mend.

15. One of you is more soulfully mature than the other and often serves as the teacher, counselor or confidant within the relationship.

16. You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy, and open-mindedness by them and with them.

17. The most growth you’ve ever experienced has been with them. No other friendship or relationship has transformed you as deeply as this one has.

18. Your connection is multi-faceted. In other words, your twin flame is likely your best friend, lover, teacher, nurturer, and muse all at once.

19. Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).

20. You can be truthful with each other about anything.

21. Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose, whether spiritually, socially or ecologically. 

It makes me wonder whether Xena and Gabrielle had met before in that present lifetime of them being Xena and Gabrielle before the first episode of the show without them ever really realizing.it. Like they just passed by each other not aware to each other at all. And that's interesting because much of Xena's backstory especially has her meeting people that both change her life positively and negatively but the relationship never sticks. They eventually go their separate ways or are abruptly severed. Xena and Gabrielle's relationship sticks. They don't willfully separate or become severed from each other exactly, but they do go off on their own adventures from time to time still very much attached to each other mentally, emotionally or spiritually but physically separate from each other for the meanwhile for their own experiences. None of the other relationships for either characters, especially not Xena's, had that sense of belonging but not owning thing going on. But they did. Perhaps that's just because the show centers around both of them and allowed us the see what they did while not travelling together so we could also see how much they still needed or wanted each other around. 

What do you guys think?

#xena warrior princess #xena and gabrielle #xena #gabrielle #twin flames #allure #one soul in two bodies #the human representation of yin-yang

[unexpectedcronchiness]

WOLFSTAR AUS AND JUST THEM BEING ARTISTS LIST, PT 9 of stuff that comes from the chat

i can just see sirius who was raised pureblood being able to dance and one day hes teaching moony and remus is humming along with the music allowing himself to trust completely, and be guided by sirius, not really caring if he's doing it right just enjoying the feeling of the moment, being in sirius' arms, enjoying his little chuckles as he steps on his feet and the content sighs when the end up just holding eachother, and rocking gently like i live and breathe that shit

OOh and painter remus is classic of course, but how about painter sirius, who paints in emotional bold colors, and smears and impressionism because he likes how freeing it is, without lines, and hes just always got a sketchpad, smells like oil paint, and is covered in paint in his hair. When hes feeling particularly emotional he does abstract and no one ever really understands except moony who only needs to take one look and understands instantly

and MOOny i know i go off on musical sirius but I will fight to the death for a moony playing soft acoustic guitar, or ukulele or singing with his soprano ass voice or singing with his deep rumbly voice, or even jumping on stage, shredding because hes so full of emotion and shit adrenaline and being on stage is a drug of its own, and hes got so many emotions and he pours them into every song he writes

OOH and sirius would be such a theater nerd, he would quote the classics, the iconics, the new and unheard of, he would swoon dramatically and he would pose, but when it came down to it he could connect with the audience in a way no one else could and he shines when he's given a spotlight and an audience because he does it for people, to make them laugh or cry or just feel because watching a show and crying along with everyone in the audience and the person onstage is such a powerful moment that you remember

And of course writer/lit major remus. He writes like there's no tomorrow, he has too many empty journals, and even more filled ones, he carries his laptop, at least two books, and at least two journals with him everywhere in a messenger bag and he wears sweaters and corduroy and he writes poetry that makes the people who don't like poetry feel things, and have to admit there's an art to it. He publishes anonymously and under at least 7 faux names because his style is so fluid, he writes to fit the characters and the plot, not himself, hes very adamant about that so he divides his work up into categories and coffee shops and late nights with caffeine and glowing screens at 2am is all remus baby

ok but like blogger remus and vlogger sirius, just imagine a whole story told through their blogs and vlogs of them meeting and it starts out like "there was this hipster idiot in line at the coffee shop today, i fell in love instantly and hated every second of it" "-vague sirius hand motions as he explains how this angry guy with scars kept staring him down at a coffee shop and its such a shame that angry dude hated him because random angry dude was so pretty"

also florist remus, taking time to acquaint himself with angles and nature, everything temporary as petals wilt and leaves fall off eventually, knowing every flower, where they grow, in what climates and what they mean in flower language. Florist remus writing love notes to his customer sirius who shows up to get flowers once a week for his house and he hides messages in there like "you look nice today" all the way to one day where he says "I think im in love with you" and sirius accepts the bouquet unblinking because he doesnt know what it means at all or so remus thinks and then the next day sirius shows up with a bouquet of his own, handpicked and messy, with leaves poking out at odd angles that says "i think im in love with you too"

baker sirius that fully believes that love is a secret ingredient in food and lives by that 200% and remus first goes into his store to satisfy his sweet tooth and stays for the handsome dark haird man with frosting on his face. Sirius who does desserts from all over the world because being pureblood had to teach him something and so he wants to share it with others and his pallette is so refined, and hes using the weirdest combinations of spices and they all work, sirius loves experimenting with different flavors together "ok like that but this time with paprika!" "its a dessert sir!" "thats never stopped me before my young apprentice, watch and learn" and he flirts with the cute mousy haired man with a pallette (almost, sirius scoffs) as refined as sirius' "theres paprika in this, why tf is there paprika in this this shouldn't be working" and they talk for hours about food and one day when they finally start dating sirius spends a gentle evening teaching remus to cook cookies as remus is a mess in the kitchen and as they take them out, both of them covered in flour and giggling, remus has the biggest grin on his face like "I made this, we made this" and sirius remembers the first time he made something right and its just sooooo

OOH and teacher both of them because teaching is an art form, change my mind, but they both have very different styles. Sirius is fun and easygoing, you can't walk by his classroom without hearing laughter, and he slips the lessons in subtly and tactfully and remus is passionate and straightforward and captivating and makes learning easy, and they could be teaching elementary school to college, all their students love them. Sirius would be so patient and gentle with kindergarteners, gassing up their finger paintings and remus would do the best story time with the best books and voices for the characters and making faces and for like highschoolers and college kids, they would be honest with them and so understanding to students who came to them (and students would, they were easily the most trusted members on whatever campus they're at) and with troubles at home, or just mental health, or just dangit they had a long weekend, and remus would nod understandingly and give them chocolate, recommend them to maybe the school counselor if they needed it or and ask them if they were safe and sirius would cry with them, and tell them stories about his own experiences because if anything helps its knowing that you are not alone, and you can get through this because other people have gotten through it and you're so strong etc and i just love the boys so much

architect remus who loves gothic revival and neoclassical styles and he loves the history in buildings and how they seem to defy the laws of science all while paying homage to them, and everything is so organized and planned, every calculation is perfect, its something where there is a right answer while still having creative freedom, all you have to do is dare to imagine, and then figure out how and he loves how permanent, how real, how physical every building is, how some serve purposes, and some are art, and some are both

photographer sirius who goes insane places to get the perfect shot at insane angles, who loves taking candid portraits because those moments feel the realest and he has a super power, a super power to capture it and share it and hold onto it and relive it whenever he wants, he photographs his friends all the time, he has a wall in his apartment thats just one big collage of his favorite photos of his friends, and then hes also very good at photoshop, getting that one color to pop just right, to change the composition just enough

#wolfstar #remus #remus lupin #remus x sirius #sirius #sirius black #art aus #au #aus #dancer #painter #dancing #painting #oil paint #abstract art #impressionism #singing #singer #musician #theater #theatre #drama #drama nerd #theater nerd #blogger #vlogger #florist #baker #chef #teachers

[chaoschaoswriting]

Building a Routine That Works (and Sticking to It)

For freelancers like me, learning to build a routine is essential... but that doesn't mean that we’re always good at it! The urge to overwork, or the incurable urge to procrastinate, can be incredibly powerful. Build a sold routine is just one of the ways in which people who work for themselves can ensure that they maintain a solid work-life balance and stay healthy. 

If you want a brief overview of how a routine can benefit you and the first big mistake that most newbies make, you can find it here. Likewise, if you want some ideas as to how you can use a period of lockdown/self-isolation to your benefit, I have a previous post about that. What we’re covering today, however, are the nuts and bolts of building a routine that can co-exist with your ‘normal’ day to day life. 

The Basics 

So, at risk of making myself sound like a condescending arse; a routine is defined as a set of actions which are taken regularly. In terms of life, that means things like walking the dogs, making dinner, brushing your teeth, etc. Most of us have some rudimentary form of routine, even if we don’t know it. This can be as simple as brushing your teeth and showering as soon as you wake up, and reading before bed. The trick is building a routine that incorporates more than just these basics. 

We’ve all seen it at work; your grandparents probably had specific days on which they cleaned the house, did the laundry, or went shopping. Those from regimented households may even be used to having the same meals on a rotating weekly or monthly basis. Too much regimentation is a bastard, of course, but having a routine that keeps all the most important parts of your life running smoothly is actually key to creativity. 

Here are some basics to consider before we get into the real content:

Reconsider Bedtime

Yes, really. 

I know you’re not a child, and I don’t care. 

Sleep deprivation is one of the most damaging states your body can exist in, and your alarm and ‘bedtime’ are some of the easiest things to set when creating a routine. First of all, be realistic. You’re not going to get up at 4am and go to bed at 7pm every day. Set something you can stick to more often than not, and be prepared for hiccups at first. 

What you’re doing is resetting your body clock, so it’s going to fight you at first. The most important thing is to push through; if you don’t get the right amount of sleep at first, keep getting up with your alarm and try not to nap. 

Obviously, this doesn't apply if you have medical conditions that mean you really need to take short naps often to be happy and functional. in this case, I would allow for naps. 

In fact, if you have the luxury of time, allow for naps anyway if that’s what you feel will help you best. Just set something you can stick to. 

Don’t Overschedule

Nothing kills a fledgeling routine quite like an overstuffed diary. Be realistic about what you can actually do on a daily basis. If you’re setting yourself up for 12-hour workdays... well, you’re going to lose some of the plates you’re spinning. 

Don’t Buy Into The Aesthetic

This site, in particular, is a fraught place when it comes to cultivating healthy habits. While it’s funny to recognise our own flaws, the idea that writers and artists are messy, disorganised, or incapable of working on demand is not true. Furthermore, sleep deprivation, poor diet, and untreated mental health problems are not ‘sexy’. I use that term in the early 2000s, Paris Hilton context of course. What I mean is that the image of the ‘starving artist’ or alcohol addled writer are by-products of cautionary tales, not career recommendations. 

There are plenty of things that can make it hard to work and stay organised. Executive dysfunction, depression, anxiety - these aren’t just buzzwords. They’re very real issues that many people cope with; if you’re fighting with things of this nature it’s important that you, first of all, know that you are not alone. Many of us are in the same boat. There is hope, however, if you focus on finding ways of working that suit you and help you to manage your personal situation as well as possible. 

Your routine should allow for things which help you to destress, decompress, and relax. In fact, it should centre around them in many ways. 

The Nitty-Gritty

Ok, so you’ve got the basics down. By this I mean, you know what time you have in any given day based on your desires wake-up and shut-down times.

1. Identify the Immediate Necessities;

Are there any things that must be done daily? By this I mean meds to take, dogs to walk and feed (any pets to take care of, actually), children to dress, etc? If so, they are your first priority. First thing in the morning is the only time when a one-size-fits-all approach can be applied to a routine. Every morning routine should include 5 key things. No matter who you are, these apply:

A) Go to the toilet. 

B) Brush your teeth. 

C) Groom/wash, e.g. wash your face, neck and hands, brush your hair, apply deodorant etc. 

D) Drink a glass of water (this is a good time to take your meds/vitamins etc)

E) Eat something (even if it’s just an apple or a slice of toast, give your body something to work with). 

What else you add here is based on your life and needs. You may need to feed and walk your dogs, clean out the cages of other pets, help family members. Whatever it is you need to do write it all down to get it straight in your head. 

Most people have fewer necessities to take care of at night unless they have children, pets, or other dependents. Sticking to these things is easy because they must be done daily. 

2. Spread the ‘Sometime’ Necessities; 

What am I talking about, here? 

Chores. Things like washing your clothes, washing your hair if that's a big job, sweeping, tidying, going to the gym. Things that you don’t need to do every day, but which should be done regularly for best effect. 

Try to set these things up on a weekly schedule, doing small amounts often. This may seem like a huge ask, but trust me it’s not. It’s funny how quickly washing clothes and dishes can be done when you’re dealing with a day or twos worth instead of three weeks worth. 

Here’s a handy break-down from a real live adult; 

Dishes; do them daily. I don’t care if it’s one mug, a single plate. The truth is that unless you make a huge meal for more than two people washing dishes takes ten minutes tops. If you do have a lot of cookware to clean and not a lot of time, compromise by washing your crockery immediately after use and letting pots/pans soak until evening. 

Laundry; do this once or twice a week depending on your drying arrangement. Fold it when it's dry trust me you’ll be glad you did later. 

Cleaning; once a week. Clean your bathroom, kitchen, and dust any other rooms regularly to make it a light job. 

Hoovering/Mopping; once a week, after you dust or clean. Do the floor in the room you've just cleaned. Some people like to do all their weekly cleaning on one day, while others prefer to do a room at a time throughout the week. It really depends on you, just do what works. 

Tidying; do it every day. All the time. Not to sound like your mother, but pick the fuck up after yourself. It’ll make your life so much easier. I speak as someone who has made the mistake of not doing it many times. 

3. The Good Stuff; 

Finally, we’re onto the bit you’re interested in. Once you have things like work, chores, and bodily needs handled, you can think about what you want to do regularly. Whether that means allowing an hour a day for painting, or two to three hours a night to write your book, there are hundreds of choices here. 

Once again don’t overschedule. 

As much as you may have a million things you want to do, your daily routine should consist of sustainable actions. Be honest about what matters most to you, and how much time you can devote to it. 

Sticking to Your Routine

The truth is that you probably won’t stick to the routine you decide on in theory. Why? Because life gets in the way, and we are prone to either over or underestimating what we can do. So, the most important thing is to be prepared to change your plan as needed and to persevere through the teething pains.  You can increase your chances of sticking to any routine by easing into it. 

Start by getting a handle on your sleeping arrangements. Keep going as you are for a week or two, but start adhering to your chosen bedtime and wake-up time. Feel it out - do you need to add a nap? Are you better in the morning - would it be better to wake up earlier, etc? 

As your sleep schedule starts to feel less like a chore and more like a habit, incorporate some necessary things like taking all of your meds (or those you can) with your first glass of water, or braiding long hair at night (another tidbit for you - doesn’t matter what kind of hair you have, braiding it at night is a good way to simplify your mornings). 

Once you have your daily routine under control start to work out how you want to deal with your chores and weekly responsibilities. This will be the hardest, but once you get into a rhythm you have to keep it for a few weeks before it becomes second-nature. Minimum.

Finally, look at what free time you have after all this is in place, and ask yourself how much of that you want to devote to things like music, painting, writing, martial arts, whatever it is that gives you joy. 

Et voila you have a routine!

#amwriting #writeblr #writing advice #timekeeping #routine #covid19 #quarantine advice

[overthinkingkdrama]

Jona’s 5 Worst Dramas of 2019

A couple words about this list. I’m making this for fun. If a drama you love ended up on this list, it doesn’t mean that I hate you or I think you’re stupid or have terrible taste. But these are dramas that inspired strong negative reactions in me for one reason or another, whether that be disappointment, rage or disgust.

I’ve only included dramas that finished airing in 2019 in my selection process. If you have some dramas that hated, feel free to share them in the replies or send me an ask. It’s fun to complain about things for some reason.

Also, I have included major SPOILERS in a couple of these. So read at your own peril.

Dishonorable Mention: Melting Me Softly

I sincerely tried to limit myself to only dramas that I--for whatever misguided reasons--finished in their entirety for this list. Mainly because I don’t think it’s fair to brand something as the “worst” of anything without actually giving the thing a fair shake. That’s the only reason Melting Me Softly isn’t higher on this list. But I felt that it wasn’t right to leave it off entirely, if for no other reason then out of respect for the fallen Ji Chang Wook stans out there who lost their lives trying to make it through this trash fire. Somebody needs to stand up for those brave soldiers, out their gifing trash dramas while people like me are safe and sound on our couches, watching the tag like it’s a train wreck.

I made it through only two episodes of this drama, and despite my goodwill toward the majority of the cast, they were two of the most bafflingly bad hours of television that I forced myself to sit through this year. From what I could tell while side-eyeing the drama on tumblr and twitter it didn’t improve much over the course of the run. There were a couple steamy kisses that I enjoyed in clip form, but I don’t think it would have been worth the brain cells lost to sit through any more than that.

Bottom Line: Painfully unfunny, overwhelmingly expositional with no character development, confusing pacing and sloppy editing. Two episodes was two too many.

5. When the Devil Calls Your Name

It pains me to put this on the list because it was just last year that a Jung Kyung Ho, Park Sung Woong collaboration (Life on Mars) ended up in my top 5. And giving credit where it’s due, the two male leads seem to have a great deal of fun working together and I believe that all the actors gave this drama everything they could and sincerely tried to make it work. That’s one of the things I like about Jung Kyung Ho, he picks unique, risky projects that either pay off in a big way or fall flat on their faces (like the amateurishly written and edited Missing 9) Unfortunately, this script just too messy and too bizarre to work. Ha Rip as has a deeply frustrating character arc. He’s such a self-centered jerk for the vast majority of the drama, which is fine for a Faust type story if it’s written with conviction, but every time you think he’s started to turn a corner or grown as a person he reverts back to his old ways. The writing and tone are whiplash inducing. Plus the vague “soul mates” relationship between Ha Rip and Kim Yi Kyung seemed to want to have it both ways, flipping between implied romantic potential and a father/daughter dynamic, which made me quite uncomfortable.

Bottom Line: This drama’s bizarre mythology and world building barely makes any sense at all, but at least they’re easier to follow than the character development. Attempted something unique, but couldn’t pull it off. The OST is super dope though.

4. Love in Sadness

When I watched the first teasers I got the distinct impression that this wasn’t going to be a good drama, or at best it was going to be a guilty pleasure, but at the time when I started it I was hungry for a melo and there wasn’t much airing to hold my attention so I started it on impulse. I think in this case I got what I deserved for continuing to watch something I didn’t think was very good.

The first few episodes were actually pretty gripping and intriguingly dark, but that petered of quickly and the drama became and infuriating wheel spinning exercise with barely any perceptible plot development from episode to episode. The protagonists in this are all so stupid that in the final few episodes the female lead gets kidnapped not once, but multiple times because she keeps meeting her unstable husband alone. Plus nobody in this drama seems to know how to call the police when a madman is waving around a gun. It probably wouldn’t have made me so very mad except that in the last few episodes the writer became unaccountably preoccupied with how sad the psychotic, wife-beating husband’s family life was and how lonely and pathetic his life was when he wasn’t allowed to stalk, assault, and psychologically terrorize his wife. Seriously, in the last leg of the drama the villain is the only character who gets any character development at all. The drama pulls out all the stops to try to make use feel sorry for him. It’s disgusting.

Bottom Line: When a drama about a woman trying to escape domestic violence becomes completely preoccupied with painting the abuser as tragically misunderstood, you’ve got some serious problems.

3. The Lies Within

If it wasn't for the last two episodes this drama would not be on this list, but that isn't because it was in any way an exceptional drama, or that it otherwise would have ended up on my best list. Without the last two episodes The Lies Within is a merely adequate thriller, somewhat heightened by the brutal nature of the premise. I picked this show up largely to fill the void that was left by WATCHER and it was more or less successful, plus it helped that I liked the cast. However even at the beginning this drama I felt like it had some pretty glaring tone problems. There were parts of the drama that were standard OCN dark and gritty thriller, and there were other parts that felt like a campy police sitcom. The humor, when it does crop up in this drama always feels super out of place. But then that last big twist happened and man...I can't remember the last time a drama made me that angry or cratered quite so hard with a twist.

[And this is where I spoil the HELL out of this drama...]

Before this drama decided to go all M. Night Shyamalan in it’s last two episodes, there seemed to be at least one, if not two really reasonable candidates for the kidnapper. Actually all the ground work they’d done up to that point would seem to have pointed to Young Min and if he had turned out to be the perpetrator, I would have completely bought it. Instead they decided to blow everyone’s mind by making the kidnapped husband complicit in his own kidnapping and dismemberment. Which might seem like a shocking twist until you think about it for even half a second.

What it winds up doing on a narrative level it makes everything the characters have done to investigate this series of crimes up to this point feel pointless, resulting in a huge anticlimax. It makes the ambiguous figure of Seo Hui’s husband not only hopelessly stupid, but also cruel and unsympathetic. Because he thought somehow simply sharing the information with her would put her in more danger than threatening and psychologically terrorizing her into investigating the very people he was theoretically trying to protect her from. The explanation that he was already terminally ill doesn’t to anything to mitigate the stupidity of his plan for me. Seriously, you couldn’t think of any solution aside from cutting bits off yourself and sending them to your wife in the mail? I could rant about this ending at length, but I’m going to try to stop here.

Bottom Line: As far as I’m concerned, if you choose to sacrifice the emotional and narrative coherence of your story for a cheap and dirty twist to surprise the audience, you deserve every ranty review you get.

2. Love Affairs in the Afternoon

I’m really not sure what possessed me to watch this drama to begin with. That I continued to watch it is on me. The fact that I watched it despite hating the shallow characters, the thin story and the abortive message at the core of the drama is simply a lapse of judgement for which I shouldn’t be forgiven. Why did I do it despite not having a single nice thing to say about this show? Well, there are two reasons. I was curious to see if they would do anything compelling with one or two of the characters, (specifically the serial adulteress housewife an the broody artist) and I was surreptitiously watching this drama at work and it was really easy to follow the plot while only actually keeping my eyes on the screen about half the time. I watched the last episode before the subs were available and had no trouble understanding what was going. Which could be a sign that my Korean is improving, but is more likely a sign that the writing was so predictable and simplistic that you could follow it if you didn’t speak the language at all.

[Spoilers beyond this point.]

It’s my understanding that in the Jdrama that this is based on all of the characters basically wreck their lives and end up miserable, pointing toward the emptiness of the lives of these people who try to find fulfillment through extra-marital affairs. If that’s how this drama had ended, I still wouldn’t have enjoyed the execution but I could have respected the intent. But in this watered down Kdrama-fied version all the couples’ issues are resolved in the whitewash of a last episode time skip that makes the suffering and bullshit that led up to it feel completely pointless.

Bottom Line: Maybe this level of trashy, uninspired tripe would be somewhat justified if the chemistry between the leads had been better, but somehow they even managed to screw that up. The leads are just bad, vacuous people, a fact which is rendered all the more unforgivable by them being utterly bland. Everybody needed to divorce, nobody deserved to end up happy. Please be wiser than me and avoid this one.

1. Memories of the Alhambra

Initially, I was on the fence about even producing a “Worst List” this year, because in the past few years I’ve tried to be better about dropping dramas the moment they start to disappoint me, rather than hanging on to them and winding up burning myself out. I wasn’t sure if I’d have enough material to write this list, or at least not enough material to make it worth reading. Then I remembered that Memories of the Alhambra finished airing in January of this year (2019 was impossibly long, wasn’t it?) and I thought, “Aha, I can make this work.” I knew at once this drama was going to be the shitty tinfoil star atop my Christmas tree of suck.

I’ve already written a full review of this drama, where I got about as mean as I felt I could reasonably be. You can go read that if you like, I’m not going to retread all my many complaints here. What I will say is that Memories of the Alhambra took my mixed-to-favorable opinion of the writer, Song Jae Jung, and turned it to a negative one. She’s someone who clearly has a lot of interesting high concept ideas, but the execution is just not there. You can hook an audience with a concept, but you have to keep them with craft and structure. 

Maybe the industry can be blamed for that. Maybe she just has a hard time ending her stories, or maybe writing on a deadline doesn’t agree with her. Whatever the reason, I can no longer trust her to deliver a satisfying story. And that’s deeply saddening to me, because Queen In Hyun’s Man is in my top 10 favorite dramas.

To be front-to-back terrible is one thing. The joke’s at least half on me for bothering. But to have potential, to have an interesting hook, a budget, a cast, but then to be either unwilling or unable to live up to that potential feels like a con. That’s how I felt about his drama, like I had been willfully deceived by special effects and flashy editing, all orchestrated to disguise a narratively bankrupt, unsatisfying drama.

Bottom Line:  Is Memories of the Alhambra objectively the worst drama on this list? No, it’s not. Is it the most disappointing? Absolutely, it is. And that’s the more heinous crime, in my opinion.  And that’s why it’s my worst drama of 2019.

#kdrama reviews #worst list #kdramas 2019 #jona spoils #exit review

[purplesurveys]

777

do you think weird it's for someone to have never tried soda? I’d be surprised that they were never curious enough to try it if they can access soda, but then again I live in a third world country and not everyone gets to try everything. I’ve learned to judge less when it comes to opportunities like this. is there any foreign film you recommend? Portrait of a Lady on Fire was fucking intense and so, so so good. do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? My dad might also be atheist, but I’ve never known for sure. He once confided in me that he was atheist in college but “it changed” when he met my mom... but honestly we’ve always grunted the same way whenever my mom tells us it’s time to pray or if we have to watch our weekly mass livestream. So idk. I think he just acts Catholic to appease her, but yeah he’s definitely weird about it. which floor of your house/building are you on now? Second floor. It’s my first time to want to hang out in my bedroom in months because IT’S ACTUALLY RAINING and it’s cold enough in my room to wanna stay here. are there any maps hanging in your room? No maps here.

are you often a third wheel? or is someone a third wheel to you? Yep I third wheel pretty often. My girlfriend and I study in different schools and I have friends in my school who are couples, so if Gab isn’t visiting my campus for the day I just tag along with my couple friends. I don’t get bothered or feel insecure by it because I have my own relationship lolol what's the last dvd you bought? Holy shit...DVD? I don’t even remember anymore. It was most likely an Audrey Hepburn film, back in 2013 when I was really into her. That or Beyoncé’s Life Is But A Dream documentary, which was the last thing she ever released on DVD. Also came out in 2013. tell me about your favorite pair of jeans. High-waisted 90s-styled jeans. Nothing much to say other than they fit me well, I got a lot of compliments whenever I have them on, and they match any t-shirt I paired with, which made me like wearing t-shirts again haha. would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) I would but only if someone super experienced was driving. I haven’t been on one because my parents don’t allow me to, and tbh I don’t mind the rule because I’m mostly scared of motorcycles anyway. is your hair healthy? No. Some hair salon I went to around ten years ago put some cheap products in my hair when I had it rebonded and it never felt 100% healthy again. Until today it gets very stiff when it gets into contact with water and only shampoo, and I always have to pair it with conditioner. if a hotel offered free breakfast in bed, what would you order? Eggs Benedict and some very creamy warm coffee. how often do you take a train? Never. I don’t trust the public transport here and I’m better off driving in my own car. what are your thoughts on reincarnation? (have you ever read up about it?) I don’t think of it at all because I don’t believe in it. I don’t mind others who are into it, just don’t shove it down my throat.  what's your favorite led zeppelin song? I don’t have one. does your home have a balcony/deck/porch? Yeah we have a balcony. We used to have a full balcony, but we transformed 3/4 of it into my brother’s current room a few years ago because he was starting to grow up and he needed his own room. We retained 1/4 of the space so that it can be the place where my dog can still do his business. what does your closet/wardrobe say about you? It says I am a very messy person who can’t keep her closet consistently organized lol. It will also tell you I’m quite girly based on the clothes I own. do you enjoy theatre? I was never a fan. how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? If I was offered the chance to do it I certainly wouldn’t give it up, but I really, really, preferably would travel with at least one companion. Traveling is one of those experiences I’d want to share with someone, and I would hate if I had to go back to my hotel room at the end of the day with no one to talk to. who would you call a lyrical genius? Laura Jane Grace. how do you treat yourself? My go-to gift for myself is giving into my cravings hahaha. Nothing speaks more to me than food, and if I feel like I deserve a reward for a job well done, I’ll go to a slightly more expensive restaurant to celebrate. do you have an interesting passport? Idk, it’s a normal one and I never had it customized or anything. are you going to pursue a career according to what you enjoy? I hope I get to. I really enjoyed my PR internship and I’d love to be headed there. what happens to your old clothes? They go to the very back or the very bottom of my wardrobe for the most part. My mom will make us throw out clothes we don’t like anymore once a year, so that’s the time I get to get rid of them. what's your favorite frozen treat? Cornetto ice cream is one of my faaaaavorite comfort snacks. The end of the cone where they save chocolate chunks is the best part. who supports you financially? My parents. Getting increasingly guiltier about it by the day, too. if you wanted to go to the movie cinema, how would you get there? I would wait for the clock to strike midnight tonight, because in 48 minutes they’ll finally loosen lockdown rules AND I CAN FINALLY GO OUT. Hahaha. After that I’ll jump to my car, drive out of the village, take a u-turn, and I’m there. how many pillows are on your bed? Two big ones. would you pay more for organic food? Only if I had the money for it. Organic food is a thing of the (very) privileged here and is not very accessible to begin with, unless you’re in posher grocieries. have you ever had a crush on a sibling's friend or a friend's sibling? I haven’t. I’d find it weird considering they’re all a bit younger than me. do you have a friend who mooches? what to do about it? (or is it you?) She’s never done it with me but I’ve heard enough horror stories about her to know that she tends to do this, but yeah Mils is apparently quite the moocher. I’m soooo not one; I’d wait for my friends to offer to pay for stuff, but otherwise I’m fighting them over the bill lmao. do you know much about feng shui? (do you use it?) I’m not knowledgeable on it but I’m definitely familiar with it, because we have a rather large Filipino-Chinese community/culture in the country that glorifies feng shui during Chinese New Year season. I don’t really have a choice but have Chinese culture shoved down my throat whether it’s in the news, the media, or my Chinese friends.  how would you make friends in a quiet class? I preferably wouldn’t because I’m only interested in getting good grades and getting that class over with hahaha. But if I was interested in making a friend or two, I’d typically scan the classroom and see who seems to be responsible? Like if they take notes as hard as I do. are you generally a quick learner? No. I take some time, and I especially take long if the thing being taught is more hands-on, like origami. I’ve just never been good at following certain tasks, and I prefer learning from reading instructions. what's your favorite spot to read? Skywalk or the dining table. has anyone given you a nickname you didn't like? (what was it?) Not that I can recall. I’m okay with all of them. did you know that buddha is not considered a god to buddhists? Yes. do you save tickets from movies, etc.? If it’s a significant enough date or event, sure. I’ve kept my 2018 Paramore gig ticket to this day, but like I’ve thrown out my ticket for Knives Out because I hated the movie lol. without looking him up, who was jim morrison? Vocalist for The Doors. when's the last time your bedroom was painted/wallpapered? Idk, 2006 or 2007 when the house was being made? It’s never been repainted. teach me something in another language. (not french/chinese/german/arabic) Why so language-ist lmaooooooo uh “Nakauwi ka na?” means “Did you get home? / Have you gotten home?” what type of body wash did you last use? Idk, I never read the labels on it actually. what type of music do you like and why? Right now I’m into lo-fi because it makes me feel relaxed, but I’m also starting to get into the recent trend where today’s artists put out songs that sound like they’re from the 80s, like Dua Lipa’s Physical or The Weeknd’s Blinding Lights - I think the genre is called synth pop/synthwave. They simply sound cool haha and they’re awesome to listen to while driving. if you randomly want to eat something in the house, do you eat it or wait? I check the time, like if we’re supposed to be having dinner soon, then act accordingly. who knows the most about you (besides yourself)? My girlfriend. do you have a nervous habit? (e.g. biting nails, tapping feet, smoking) Plucking eyebrow or eyelash hair, but that behavior is reserved for extreme cases where I’m incredibly and inconsolably anxious. On a milder day I would vape, sigh a lot, or bite my nails. how's your favorite pro sports team doing lately? I don’t watch sports with teams. would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? I don’t get into trouble but I’m not the best influence either.

#survey #surveys

[bensroger]

Ever Since We Were Kids - Ben Hardy! Roger Taylor

Summary: You and Roger have been best friends for nearly as long as you can remember, and you’ve grown up together and remained friends all throughout his fame. However, you’d fallen in love with him years ago, and now it seems his heart is in the hands of another. So, you suck it up and put on a brave face for Roger, because you love him.

Word Count: 4576

Warnings: Mention of abuse once, not even described

A/N: This fic is long and takes place over the years, and there’s not a lot of dialogue until the end because it’s more based on emotions. I hope it’s not boring though and that you all like it. I am going to say now that this fic is really really based off of the move/book Love, Rosie. The toasting speech is nearly the same because I love how raw the emotion is and couldn’t imagine writing it any different. However, if I end up writing a part two for this, it’ll be extremely different from the story, so don’t think I’ll be constantly drawing inspo from this movie. And yes… This is my second Love Rosie type fic. With that said, I hope you guys like this because  I spent a lot of time on it.

Roger and Y/N. Y/N and Roger. Your names were always followed by each other’s, the two of you always being together. Whether it was the trouble you’d get in with teachers because of too much talking, or it was the fun you’d have by constantly causing mischief. You were a pair and you two had never been seen without each other since you were the young age of seven years old.

It all started when dear Mrs. Maddock had seated you two next to each other at the beginning of the year. Originally, you didn’t like him because he kept stealing your crayons without you asking, and you had the expensive crayon. So, of course, you started picking fights with him, and of course grumpy Mrs. Maddock didn’t like that, so you both had to sit in time out for an hour. That was when you and Roger really started getting along, because you two had nothing else but talked crap about Mrs. Maddock and about the big hairy wart under her nostril. She was nothing but a meanie, according to seven year old Roger.

And all the way up to the time you were eleven, you and Roger remained the bestest of friends. Of course there were a few arguments here and there, but for the most part you enjoyed being with each other. In the summertime, he’d set up a tent in his backyard and have sleepovers with you. You’d make shadow puppets in the tent at night and tell stories, and it was fun until you heard a scary noise outside and had to sleep in the house.

It wasn’t until the age of twelve that you had your first big fight. It was Roger’s thirteenth birthday, and he didn’t have any party planned, but you still thought you’d show up and make it a good one for him. You had a little homemade cake in one hand, and a present in the other. It was a record he had really been wanting, so you saved up your allowance for a month to buy it for him. When you knocked on the door, Roger quickly opened it with a wide smile on his face. Although his smile fell once he saw it was you, and another boy ran up behind him. It was one of the “popular” boys in your grade, Eric, and his face contorted into a look of disgust once he saw you. “I thought you said this was a boys only party.” Eric sneered.

You didn’t say anything as tears welled up in your eyes. You let the cake fall onto his porch with a splat, followed by the nicely wrapped record. “Y/N wait!” Roger called out to you as you ran away, but it was too late and the damage was done. That was your first real fight. You cried all weekend after that, your mum clueless. You tried to stay home the next monday, but your mum wasn’t born yesterday and made you go. When you opened your front door to start your walk to school, there was a cake box on your porch. You lifted up and opened it to read a poorly iced cake. “I’m Sory. Rog.” You let out a little giggle to yourself because of the shortening of ‘Sorry.’ Roger came out from the bushes, giving you quite a fright and making you scream.

“Sorry! Sorry! Don’t scream!” He said, putting his hands out trying to stop you. “I couldn’t fit the word sorry so I got rid of an R. I’m really sorry Y/N, you’re my best friend, and I don’t even like Eric and those other boys. They just kept teasing me about how my best friend was a girl and I really let it get to me. I don’t ever want to hurt you again.” Roger said, his baby blues never leaving you. And that was the moment you fell in love with Roger, something you wouldn’t realize until years down the road.

Years later, you two were at your eighteenth birthday party, or it wasn’t really a party as much as a celebration. Roger, who was already eighteen, took you to a lively club in the city, where you could drink and party as much as you want. You were wearing a white dress, not to tight or not too flowy, and it looked amazing on you. Your hair was loose and curly, something different from the messy buns or braids you always had it tucked away in. You were chatting up some girl at the bar, both of you drunk. Roger watched you with a grin on his face; you looked so happy right now, you hadn’t a care in the world. It was in that moment that he fell in love you, and realized he had, too. Roger approached you, the grin still on his face as grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the dance floor. Roger wasn’t one for dancing, but he knew how much you loved it, and it was your birthday after all. You were really drunk, but you were enjoying yourself. His dirty blonde hair was all in face, causing you to pause from your dancing and directly look at him. You gave him a soft smile as your brushed his hair out his eyes, which he returned. You both paused for a second before his lips were against yours, and you were surprised for a millisecond before you flung your arms around his neck and kissed him back. Your heart was full and so was his, and nothing could ruin this moment for you—except for the fact that when you woke up tomorrow, you wouldn’t remember any of this.

You had your first massive hangover the next morning, and a new type of annoying and uncomfortable pain. That was when you called Roger to ask him about last night, seeing as you only remembered bits and pieces. The phone rang a few times before he finally answered. “Y/N? I’m assuming your hangover is a pain in the neck isn’t it?” Roger said, sounding a bit too happy about your discomfort.

You let out a laugh and scoffed. “It’s awful! Why did you let me get so drunk? I can’t even imagine the embarrassing things I did…” You sighed. “Please tell me it wasn’t too bad, Rog.”

“Well… You stood up on the bar and were about to flash everyone. You pulled your dress straps down before I yanked you off and caught you…” Roger laughed, recounting the memory. “Do you remember any of last night?” Roger bit his lip as he asked nervously.

“A few embarrassing things… Please, can we forget about everything that happened last night? I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” You said out of embarrassment, pinching the bridge of your nose. You were talking about him seeing you in your bra, not this kiss, something you didn’t even know happened.

But, as fate would have it, Roger believed you to be talking about your shared moment. He swallowed hard and let out a fake laugh. “Of course we can forget about it, it’s nothing.” He lied.

Then, time flew by, and Roger never forgot about the kiss as much as he tried. Roger went off to college while you stayed home to help your mum with your sister’s new baby. You figured you’d attend college in later years, hopefully for journalism. Roger would still call you a lot, tell you about this guy named Brian he had met, and how they eventually started a band together. It was surprising at first that Roger was in a band, but not too surprising because you know how much he loved to drum, almost as much as you loved the violin. You two always joked about creating a band together, and together, a violinist and drummer would take the world by storm.

You never got to see him play in his early days, although you wished you had the chance to. He’d always tell you about how good the lead singer, Freddie, was, as well as the bassist, Deaky. Roger had a few girlfriends throughout college, but they never really seemed to stick. From what Roger told you, they weren’t anything special. “They’re all so boring Y/N…There’s no substance to them, and they’re all so plastic. I need to find a girl like you, who can take my jokes and understands me.” He laughed.

You pursued your lips and then let out a shaky breath. “Yeah… You’ll never find someone like me, I’m one of a kind Rog.” You joked. You wanted to tell him that you were right, he didn’t need to find someone like you because you were right here… But you never stood a chance.

Just as Roger graduated, his band Queen started to take off. And just as he was flourishing, so were you. You got a job for the local newspaper as a journalist, and lucky for you, you were assigned a column about the latest music releases and trends. It was nice to write about something you were passionate about, and you happily awaited the day Roger would be known enough for you to write about him.

You were twenty-two when you had finally fell in love again. It was with Eric, the boy from Roger’s party who gave you a look of disgust. Of course, he had changed, and was no longer the petty little boy who was twelve years old. You had been dating him for a year when he proposed, and you said yes. You were in love, and completely oblivious to the fact that he was cheating on you. But it didn’t last long, because you were bound to find out. You were supposed to be a few cities away on a story about a new up and coming artist, but they fell sick and had to cancel, so you were free to go home. That’s when you walked in on Eric and some girl who you had never seen before. And you realized you hadn’t fallen in love with him, and it was never love, so you left your small town and never looked back after that.

Roger was there for as much as he could be when he was halfway across the world. He’d call you every night, just to make sure you were doing okay. There were some days where it was harder and Roger knew that, and it broke his heart when you’d answer the phone crying. A few months later after many calls and letters with Roger, you felt things were looking up. You had gotten an apartment in London, where you wrote for a big newspaper and made a good amount of money. You had made some new friends and things were looking up for you. You and Roger were talking more than ever, and for a moment, you felt like things were the same as when you were younger.

One particularly late night when Roger was finally home from tour and on the phone with you, he was joking about something and laughing pretty loud. All of the sudden your heard a: “Rog, baby, what are you doing? Come back to bed.” A whiny voice said.

You bit your lip and let out a fake laugh. “Is she another one of your plastic, fake girls like you slept with in college?” You joked.

Roger didn’t say anything for a moment before you heard a heavy sigh. “That was Kenzie. She’s actually been my girlfriend for about… six months now?” He said softly.

Your heart dropped and you didn’t know what to say. You could feel tears start to pool up in your eyes. “Six months? Why didn’t you tell me sooner Rog?”

“Well… I was going to tell you three months ago when I was sure things were serious, but then that dickhead Eric cheated on you… I just didn’t want to make things anymore difficult for you.” He sighed.

“Roger, that wouldn’t make things more difficult for me. It would make it easier because I know you have someone to take care of you. You don’t always need to worry about you.” You said in a soft voice.

“Of course I do, you’re my best friend.” He said, a frown on his face.

There was a brief moment of silence, filled with unsaid thoughts and heartbroken feelings. You wanted to tell him that you loved him as more than a friend, but instead all you said was, “Well I’d hate to keep you away from Kenzie any longer Roger, you should get some rest. Call me tomorrow, okay?” You said.

“You don’t have to go Y/N, I can still talk if you want.”

“It’s fine Roger. Goodnight.” You said, and the hung up the phone. “I love you.” You whispered, and little did you know that half way across the world, he was saying the same thing, but it wasn’t to you.

It wasn’t until six more months that you had gotten a fancy envelope delivered to you. You opened it revealing a very decorative and flash envelope cordially inviting you to “the Union of Mackenzie Maxis and Roger Taylor.” And once you read those words, your heart dropped. Ever since you were twelve, you want to be the girl who would walk down the aisle to Roger, not Mackenzie.

Later that night on the same day you received the heartbreaking invitation, your phone began to ring. You decided to let it ring, and hopefully they’d think nobody was home. However you could tell they weren’t fooled once they called a second time. With an annoyed huff, you answered it. “Hello?”

“Y/N! I have something important to tell you. Did you get the invitation?” Roger asked you excitedly. You should’ve known it was him.

“Yes.” You said, in a kind of deadpanned voice.

“Well… Are you coming?” Roger said, slightly confused.

“I don’t know Rog, I have a lot of stories to write and I’m sure I’ll be busy by-”

“I want you to be my best man Y/N. Or… My best woman? I don’t know. Please… Please say you’ll do it.” Roger pleaded.

You let out a sigh. “Alright I suppose. Just… Don’t make me wear a suit?” You said as if it were a question, causing Roger to let out a laugh.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

And, so here you were, wearing a long, blush-colored gown that matched the bridesmaids dresses, except you weren’t apart of the bridal party. You stood in front of Roger as you helped him with his bowtie. As you brushed something off of his sleeve, you turned to look at the two of you in the mirror. He was slightly taller than you had last remembered him, but you hadn’t seen him in so long. You smiled as you looked at the two of you. “Why did you do that to do your hair?” You said, looking at his bleached locks.

“I think it looks pretty good. I could say the same to you.” He said, motioning to your hair. You recently had cut it shorter, just a little below your shoulders.

“Long hair is just so exhausting, I’m sure you understand the struggle.” You said, giving him a smile through the mirror. Your gaze shifted from him to yourself. The gown wasn’t anything special, but it accentuated your waist and made your hair stand out. Your hair was just curled and then half of it was tied up. You assumed that Kenzie wanted to look the best since it was, after all, her wedding day.

Roger beamed at you. “You look amazing Y/N, I’m so glad you’re here.” He said, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in for a hug. “Now I want you to finally meet the band…”

He introduced you to each of the boys one by one, who were all delighted to have finally meet the “famous Y/N” as Freddie had said. Freddie commented on how ugly the bridesmaid dresses were, and you had to stifle a laugh… He was right. Roger went to go to check on Kenzie, leaving you with the boys. That’s when Deaky approached you with a smile. Up until this point, he had been pretty quiet.

“Do you like Kenzie?” He asked you. You opened your mouth to say something but he only continued. “The lot of us don’t… We’ve tried to tell him but she’s got her hooks in deep and… Maybe you could get to him Y/N. After all, he cares about you most.” Deaky said, and you realized you were quite fond of him.

“What do you mean?” You frowned. Deak shook his head.

“She seems like quite the gold digger and that she’s using him. Plus between you and mean, she’s awfully whiny.” He rolled his eyes. “We’re all just worried, that’s all.”

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.” You said, giving him a small smile. And then Roger walked back in, causing your conversation to come to an end and to announce it was time for the thing you dreaded most: The wedding ceremony.

The rows of chairs were decorated with light pink roses, accompanied by fairy lights hanging from the ceiling. You hated how pretty it was, how romantic it was… Roger waited beside you patiently for his bride to start walking down the aisle. The music began playing as the doors opened, revealing Kenzie in a long white gown, with heavy make up. Two little flower girls walked before her, throwing light pink petals on the aisle. Her train was long and her gown was decorated with white lace. You couldn’t help but wish that was you, and that it was Roger waiting for you at the aisle instead of Kenzie. But here you were, his best (wo)man.

As Kenzie took her place across from, she was giving him a pearly smile. You weren’t able to tell if it was genuine or not. And as they exchanged their vows and their I do’s, you were crying. Most people cry at weddings because their happy for the couple, but you were crying for a different reason. You crying because not only did you lose the man you fell in love with, but you were pretty sure you had lost your best friend, too. Because the way he was looking at Kenzie right now was a way he had never looked at you. So you plastered on a smile, and let out a fake happy laugh as he kissed the bride.

And it wouldn’t be Roger and Y/N anymore. Or Y/N and Roger, like you had ever since you were seven. It would be Roger and Kenzie, or Kenzie and Roger. There was no room for a Y/N.

And thankfully, the ceremony was over just as fast at it had come, and now it was time for the reception. The reception was loud and bustling, people dressed in fancy clothes everywhere. You hardly had a chance to talk to Roger or even congratulate him. You were to give a toast, something you had yet to even think about. You honestly didn’t even think you’d get this far. So here you were, a few minutes away from giving your speech to Roger.

Once you heard the click of the spoon against the class, you stood up with an uneasy smile on your face. “Hello everyone. To the people I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting yet, I’m Y/N. I’m Roger’s best friend, and I have been ever since we were seven. I’m going to just pull all of this stuff from the top of my head, so I ask you all to bear with me.” You let out a nervously laugh and the wedding guests laugh with you.

“Let me tell you, Roger can hold his drink to an almost lethal degree as I  discovered on my eighteenth birthday when he decided a night of tequila slammers was the way to go…” The guests all laughed.

“Well, you know when people say that they were so drunk that the whole night is a blank and you always go, ‘no way not possible.’ Well... Believe me, it's possible.” You paused and took in a deep breath. “Choosing a... Choosing the person that you want to share your life with... ls one of the most important decisions that any of us makes. Ever. Because when it's wrong, it turns your life to grey. And sometimes... Sometimes you don't even notice until you wake up one morning and realize years have gone by.” You say, biting your lip, but then erupting into a smile.

“We both know about that one, Rog. Your friendship has brought glorious technicolor to my life. it's been there even in the darkest of times and I am the luckiest person alive for that gift. I hope I didn't take it for granted. I think maybe I did. Because sometimes you don't see that the best thing that ever happened to you is sitting there, right under your nose. And that's fine too. lt really is.” You paused, looking straight across at Roger now, meaning every word of you were saying. Tears were pooling up in your eyes. “Because I’ve realized that no matter where you are, or what you're doing, or who you're with… I will always, honestly, truly, completely, love you.”

You paused, and you could feel the guests holding their breaths, feeling the tension. You didn’t intend to pause, but here you were. So, you continued. “Like... A sister loves a brother and a friend loves a friend. I'll always stay in guard of your dreams, Roger. No matter how weird or twisted they get.” You said in a soft voice, a sad smile on your face. Your eyes flickered to Kenzie and you smiled through the aching pain in your chest. “So, please, everybody, join me in a toast to the bride and groom.”

Everyone cheered and raised their glasses, and repeated, “To the bride and groom.” You let out a sad laugh, and took your seat. Roger’s eyes never left you during the speech, and he himself was speechless.

Kenzie’s Maid of Honor stood up for her speech, and that’s when you excused yourself to the restroom… Or rather, the rooftop of the hotel the wedding was held at. There was no way you were going to subject yourself to hearing about Kenzie, because frankly you didn’t care. It was windy on the rooftop, and it was dark out now, but something always calmed you about the moon and the stars. As you looked up at the moon, you heard the door open behind you. You turned to find Roger, an annoyed look on his face. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, you just disappeared.” He frowned. “You’ve missed so much… You missed our first dance.”

You shrugged. “It’s not like I haven’t missed a bunch of other things before that.” You weren’t talking about the wedding. “Come look at the moon with me for awhile.” And, he did. He wordlessly appeared next to your leaning on the railing of the building.

“Are you doing alright Y/N?” Roger asked in a worried tone, and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Actually, I’m doing pretty well… I’ve been really nervous to tell you this but… I’m moving back in with Eric.” You said, biting your lip. It was true, you were, and you were giving him a second chance. You weren’t sure what to feel for him anymore, but you just needed someone.

“Are you joking Y/N? He’s an asshole! Not only did he cheat on, but he manipulated you into staying! I remember you calling me crying so many times after you left him, so many times after you two would fight! He verbally abused you Y/N, and you’re just running back to him!” Roger yelled, probably loud enough for the people inside the reception below to hear.

“You don’t get it Roger! You have the band, you have Kenzie.” You shouted back, angry tears forming in your eyes. “I need someone too! And he’s all I have! Eric is all I have! I don’t have anyone else!” You said, as the tears began to slip out of your eyes.

Roger took your hands in his, and looked you directly in the eyes. “You have me Y/N…” He said in a soft voice.

You ripped your hands away. “No! No I don’t have you. Kenzie has you, you’re starting a family with her now.” You yelled at him, hot tears still streaming down your face. “I don’t have you.” You admitted, sounding defeated. You shook your head as you walked away from him. He only followed.

“You’ve always had me Y/N, and you always will.” Roger said as you faced away from him.

“Roger, I haven’t had you since the day you left for college.” You admitted.

“Y/N please, you know you have me, I’m always there for you… Don’t be like this.” Roger pleaded, hurt.

“No Roger, I can’t have you because I love you! I can’t have you as a friend because I want you as more than friend! God why don’t you get that?” You yelled, looking right at him. Your cheeks were tear-stained, and your nose was red.

Roger was speechless, and then his face was unreadable… Roger closed his eyes and looked down. “Why are you telling me when it’s too late Y/N?” He said in a soft tone, his voice cracking when he said your name.

“What?” You asked, confused.

“I’ve loved you ever since we were kids…” Roger said, looking up at you, tears in his own eyes. “But it’s too late now… I’m… Married.” He said shaking his head.

You didn’t know what to do, but suddenly, you felt embarrassed. And just as you had on Roger’s thirteenth birthday, you ran away from him, leaving him on the rooftop, just as confused as you were. You didn’t bother going to back to the wedding, and instead just found yourself wandering the streets, unsure of what to do next. 

Roger was just as confused as you were, as the woman he was in love with was somewhere out in the city while the woman he was married to sat downstairs, waiting for him.

#idk how I feel about this let me know if ur interested in a part two #roger taylor imagine #ben hardy imagine #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #Roger taylor #queen #imagine #John deacon #Joe mazzello #Brian may #bohemian rhapsody #gwilym lee #rami malek #freddie mercury #borhap