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butch-reidentified · 2 days

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if you think agp is a thing(and presumably exclusive to trans women) what do you think of cis women claiming to masturbate in front of mirrors and CIA women who report being aroused by breastfeeding?

literally every single answer to these questions is available on my blog. I'm tired of writing the same posts over and over and over. if you can't find sufficient answers scrolling my blog, searching key words on my blog (or on google citing my blog, which yields better results oftentimes), going through the links in my pinned, or checking the tags referenced in my pinned, then I'd say if it's reeeeally important to you to get answers, your best bet will be to sit tight and occasionally check for updates to my Pinned as I am gradually adding more and more links detailing my views, and/or skim my blog from time to time - it's pretty much guaranteed to cycle through again within a month at most 🤷

I was actually gonna put a partial (that is to say, just not my usual thorough, detailed, and nuanced) answer at the beginning, but honestly I'm getting VERY tired of anonymous strangers who most likely just stumbled across my blog for the first time today thinking they're entitled to a personalized thinkpiece from me when almost every time I get an ask like this (which are distinctly different from good faith curiosities, which I'm more than happy to answer), I've already posted my answer, I've already written about the subject in depth on my blog. so I'll put my answer below instead so you have to read all of the above first, so you at least sort of vaguely kinda earn some response by putting in a miniscule fraction of the work/time I've put into both reading/informing myself about all sorts of different opinions, ideologies, experiences, perspectives, and views (rather than just demanding opinions from strangers on anon, lmao) and writing countless posts (& that's just on here, ignoring the offline side which is where I'm wayyy more active), which are almost always VERY long and detailed and proofread and edited and polished several times over.

btw, kind of a side note -- I have NEVER sent a single anon in my life, and I have NEVER, anonymously or not, demanded someone give me a personalized just-for-me explanation of their opinions (or any at all). the reason I call this entitlement is because you (most likely) aren't asking out of genuine curiosity or good faith. you (most likely) are asking because you dislike what you think my views are (you are most likely misinformed and think I believe things I do not) and you (most likely) think this is some kind of gotcha rather than the same ignorant, unoriginal, boring ass points that I've read countless times as far back as when I was a transactivist and trans-identifying myself. they've been debunked/responded to by a LOT of other women, too, and I'm very confident you could easily find at least one such response. I'm not holding you to a standard I don't also hold myself to; in fact, that I'm going to give you any degree of actual answer at all is demonstrative of my holding myself to a HIGHER standard. because again, nothing I'm about to say on this topic is just now in this post being born into the universe as a novel thought. or even a novel tumblr post; like I said, you could find the radfem answers to this ask yourself with just a tiny bit of effort - and while radfems are far from a monolith, and I am a frequent vocal dissenter on a variety of radblr hot topics, this isn't even really a matter of opinion. read on to find out why.

Part A - Not answering the questions here per se, but a clarification of terminology that may help you (any reader, not necessarily anon) see my perspective:

The word "cis" has different definitions. It used to mean someone who is not trans, whereas trans referred to sex-dysphoric transitioners, a demographic who now often prefer terms like transsexual or transsex or simply "sex-dysphoric" BECAUSE they don't agree with gender identity ideology (GII) and object to the way GII has been actively hostile to them and erased transsexuality (and thus their identities, needs, beliefs, and experiences as well), similarly to the ways in which GII engages with pretty much everything that isn't complete and total blind allegiance. These include but are far from limited to:

1. Obfuscating people's (especially children's/young adults' - as they are the primary consumers of most GII content by far) understanding of biology, particularly as it pertains to the sexes of human beings and sexual dimorphism, and inserting "gender identity" as a direct (but importantly not synonymous or remotely parallel) replacement for the material and biological reality of sex. Sex, absent patriarchy and the gender construct, is simply a neutral and factual categorization of human beings: sex categorizes human body types according to the two developmental pathways that evolved solely for the purpose of producing one gamete type or the other to enable perpetuation of the species via sexual reproduction. What this statement does NOT imply to anyone reading it with even an ounce of integrity/intellectual honesty: "women are defined by having babies," "infertile/childfree adult female humans are not women," "humans with anomalous sexual development of any variety are not male or female, but rather a 3rd sex or even proof sex is a spectrum," or anything along these lines; I refer to these arguments as intellectually dishonest because they are originally intentional (disinformation -> misinformation) misinterpretations & serve to moralize, dogmatize, and essentially theologize facts of nature.

This obfuscation of biology is committed via a variety of tactics that frequently include outright gaslighting; "gender and sex are different" turned into "sex is actually a spectrum" (it's not - read on to learn why not!) and then outright science denial while gaslighting others as being the unscientific, uneducated, "3rd grade understanding of biology" ones (again, this is simply factually not true*).

*Feel free to request to see a peer-reviewed neuroscience journal publication bearing my name and/or my thesis (original research regarding the overlapping genetics + epigenetics of norepinephrine dysregulation in both dysautonomia and attention deficit disorders) if you are skeptical of my credentials regarding biology. alternatively, feel free to cite your sources and I will provide a free-of-charge peer review service :)

2. Building from #1, the erasure of patriarchal sex-based oppression of women & girls (by definition: human beings of the female sex, adults & children respectively) via aforementioned tactics obfuscating sex biology & human biology in favor of an innate, internal "gender identity" which is extremely poorly defined with the individual "gender identities" themselves left utterly non-delineated. Gender identity ideology is to be taken entirely on pure faith, despite the fact that there is absolutely no evidence to support gender identity as a universal component of human beings/universal human experience. In fact, the existence of absolutely any nonzero quantity of human beings who do not experience gender identity firmly disproves it as universal human experience - and we know not all humans have a gender identity. However, every human being experiences sexual development, be it typical, disordered (DSDs, congenital infertility, etc), or otherwise anomalous; the vast majority experience typical sexual development, and one's sex is entirely clear in the vast majority of atypical cases as well. Female humans are oppressed on the basis of our biological reproductive capabilities; patriarchy desires control over the female sex as a direct product of its desire to control reproduction. Patriarchy created the gender construct to instill and enforce a caste system between the sexes upholding the patriarchal dogma of male supremacy and female inferiority. Similarly, patriarchy created father-gods in order to make the creation of life a male act. Erasure of sex in favor of the gender construct serves male supremacy and cannot ever be anti-patriarchal or feminist. Evidence of sex based oppression abounds offline (frankly, you need look no further than menstruation stigma in all its forms up to and including menstrual huts, but there is infinitely more evidence) and right here on my blog as well; I even have some posts tagged to serve as proof of sex based oppression.

3. Erasing homosexuality via working toward erasure of exclusive same-sex attraction (this is particularly targeted at lesbians, and this is VERY well documented. I have many examples of this in my TRA Receipts tag, including a particularly excellent masterpost containing, in total iirc THOUSANDS of screenshots), once again replacing sex with "gender identity" as if one's orientation being defined as attraction to another human's invisible, internal, and highly individual "gender identity," which not all humans even purport to have in the first place, could possibly make any sense. This is uniquely absurd.

As stated in the 2nd link in #1 on my Pinned, I object to the usage of "cis" for non-trans-identifying people. Why? At the core of it, because the most commonplace definition of "cis"/'cisgender" that I see at this point in time is "having a gender identity that aligns with what was assigned at birth." As stated above, gender identity is not universal, rendering "cisgender" equally as personal and internal of an identity label as "transgender" - and these are not a pure dichotomy by any means. Radical feminism does not grant any degree of objective factual legitimacy to the gender construct; thus, no radical feminist is or can be, by definition, transgender or cisgender (this does not carry over to whether or not radfems can have dysphoria or even be medically transitioned). Radfems are not the only humans without "gender identities," and it is dishonest and disrespectful to force the term/label onto everyone else according to an ideology we/they may not share.

Part B - The Long-Awaited Answer! [I changed my mind since this ended up significantly longer than initially planned so here ya go]

Autogynephilia was coined as a term with a specific definition. That definition is still the same one in use today. That definition explicitly states that only males can qualify. That definition is: "a paraphilia that describes when a man experiences sexual arousal from the thought of himself as a woman" per Google, and "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female" per Blanchard's original stated intention for the term he created. Wikipedia goes on to add "intending for the term to refer to 'the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies.'"

I have many criticisms of Blanchard himself and of the quality of his research methodologies. However, the evidence for the existence of the paraphilia itself is abundant and undeniable given that many males outright refer to themselves as autogynephiles and many have openly discussed their experiences as someone with this paraphilia. What I do not believe is that all trans-identifying males are AGPs, that there is proven legitimacy to the HSTS/AGP dichotomy (even Blanchard himself said not all OSA trans-identifying males are AGPs - just a whole lot of them), or that non-trans-identifying males can't be AGPs - actually I think it's likely that most AGPs don't identify as transgender.

The core of the paraphilia, the source of the arousal, is a product of the patriarchal sex caste system; autogynephiles are aroused by the idea of themselves as women - as they themselves have stated - because of the sexual objectification of femaleness and/or because they're aroused by degradation and humiliation (as is blatantly obviously on brilliant display in the existence of and obsession with "forced feminization" and similar female-degrading sexual concepts), and the AGP male views femaleness and the gender that patriarchy has forcibly ascribed to femaleness ("femininity") as inferior and thus sees his engagement in performing femininity as degrading - which in turn sexually excites him.

One reason some women find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states is the same as when men find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states: self-confidence increases libido and associations can be made between A and B. Where women and men inevitably differ, however, is about the arousal surrounding performing femininity and/or sexual self-objectification. It is not at all unreasonable to speculate that some women can be turned on when they "feel hot" for a reason other than just self-confidence; for one speculative example, it's possible that some women may see herself in the mirror all dressed up in hypersexualized clothing and feel that they've succeeded in mirroring the pornified images and sexually-appealing-to-males beauty expectations. Ultimately, this is self-objectification. It's patriarchy and the male gaze that have forced these associations onto all of society, and hypersexual associations have a tendency of causing sexual arousal in people (duh).

Oh and I've never heard of women being aroused by breastfeeding, only complaining about it being painful asf, but like. Nipples are among the most common and well-documented non-genital erogenous areas so? This seems terribly unlikely to be a common phenomenon, but utterly irrelevant to the existence of autogynephilia regardless lol. If this is a thing, like I said I doubt it's commonplace at all, but even just hypothetically, I'd say it would distinctly fall in line with everything else I say in this answer. Patriarchy and its pornographers have indeed sexualized breastfeeding - there are a concerning number of men who ask their partners NOT TO BREASTFEED their babies - his own children! - because it makes him JEALOUS and even resent the baby. I'm dead serious you can look this up, it happens. So... read on for elaboration.

I neither know nor care precisely what you're referencing in this ask, because the answer remains the same: autogynephilia by definition can only affect males, and males who have a fetish for the idea of themselves as female, be that through imagining themselves Fucked (anatomically female, specifically in a sexually objectified - aka Fucked - manner; the anatomical/biological form of autogynephilia fetishizes the male subject imagining himself as the female Fucked object of pornography) or Feminine (as discussed above) fundamentally are not and cannot be the same as women who are turned on by feeling like they look sexually appealing or by their own natural anatomy or biological functions (which have been violently hypersexualized by patriarchy). This is a form of internalized misogyny; when men do it, it's just misogyny. These are not the same.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #radblr #long post

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viperwhispered · 19 hours

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I don't know about you, but I find shared baths deeply intimate. Mostly cause first you have to be very comfortable with the person you're bathing with and there's an intense feeling of safety that you boundaries will be respected.

Apply this to Jamil who is arguably the most paranoid man in all of TWST. Imagine he and his s/o are getting serious and Jamil is finally starting to really open up. It's also the stage where things are getting steamier, so to speak.

As both a sign of trust and a way to get used to each others naked bodies, the couple starts bathing together. The physical vulnerability of it since their both nude is further amplified since they have to wash/touch each other. That in itself requires a lot of trust.

Just imagine this: gently applying shampoo into Jamil's silky hair while he rants about his day, slowly revealing more about his past and insecurities. Then they switch and now the reader is the one opening up about their struggles while Jamil massages the soap onto their back. Kissing any scars they might have, talking about the most random things, playing with the water, and just enjoying this moment between Jamil and his beloved. Jamil is just so busy that he relishes being able to just enjoy their presence close to him.

There's also a strong desexualizing element. Jamil and the reader likely grew up with a notion that nudity is embarrassing and should only happen with a sexual partner. While this statement is technically true, they aren't in a sexual situation. They're trusting each other to respect their boundaries in such a way that the way they view each other goes from "potential sex object" to "a body that so happens to belong to my dearest".

Which further adds to my hot take of the "If evil why hot" route with OB!Jamil being pre-relationship.

Also, fun concept: washing away blot.

Imagine they're at the very end of the overblot Jamil boss fight. The phantom is defeated but there's still some blot left. So the reader pushes him into the river created by Kalim and holds him there as the water washes away the blot. When he starts calming down, they gently start rubing the blot off. Slowly trekking their fingers through his hair as the snakes dissappear. By the end they're left with an exhausted sulky wet Jamil. The reader then kisses his forehead as they wrap a towel around him.

Aww there definitely is a lot of potential for sweetness with stuff like this. I mean, having someone wash your hair, cleaning up together… It really can feel so intimate and vulnerable.

Now, I feel like I should add the caveat that I'm Finnish, so I'm fairly used to seeing other people's bodies in the sauna, for example, and the whole concept of nudity = sex is not quite so strong for me, personally. (Though personally I'm not likely to go to a mixed sauna, especially with strangers, but still.) So my perspective for the nudity aspect may be a little bit different, though I do definitely agree with these scenarios being intimate and potentially vulnerable. Like, you really do need to let your guard down to let someone see you bared like that, no hiding behind your clothes (or status) or anything else. Just, people, together.

Which definitely ties into that whole opening up for each other. We always tend to say that people are equal in the sauna, and it (perhaps surprisingly) is a good place for those deep, intimate conversations. So I can definitely see that same vibe for this bathing together, too.

Also just, the thought of squeezing into the tub together, trying to figure out how to adjust everyone's limbs and bodies so that you're both comfortable in there (and covered by water enough to actually get to enjoy it). One of you wrapping your arms around the other, holding them close, it's just… So sweet, and intimate, and also you kind of have to be “normal” about it to make it work (I don't really have the words for these vibes, just, yes it's intimate and vulnerable but at the same time you kinda just have to treat it as a normal thing if it's gonna work).

Just eugh I love this concept so much.

(Also now I'm definitely wondering how the twst guys would feel about sauna, perhaps even with the whole “run off naked to the lake to cool off a bit and then go enjoy some more heat” extra shebang.)

Oof that washing off blot, though… Oh it's going straight for my heart 😭 Just the whole I'm still here for you, I'm here taking care of you, let's wash away what happened (both literally and figuratively). Oh boy what a concept ripe for being picked apart.

(Also for some reason it's making me think of like washing off bodies for funerals, but in this particular case more in the sense of washing off the old self / what happened, something to allow rebirth or something. Or like, this could've destroyed him, but didn't. Idk, there's just so much one could do with this. Maybe it's just the talk of being washed in a river specifically that's making me think of like Lemminkäinen’s mother and all sorts of stuff.)

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #ner talks #chatting with folks #lex752 #I hope I'm making sense my thoughts are kinda all over the place right now #these are such delicious thoughts to chew over tho #(also yes that squeezing into a bath together musing is definitely from experience)#funnily enough I'm so used to having a sauna (and just a shower) that baths always seem like the exotic option #(I mean I also fall asleep in a bath in about 3 seconds so it's not exactly something that'd work for me anyway)#(at least if I'm alone I'd be too concerned of just falling asleep and sinking under the surface)

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a-god-in-ruins-rises · 2 years

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I think I remember you once saying that you used to be Christopagan? I was hoping you could talk about that more. What exactly does that mean? What did you believe that made you call yourself that?

yeah. big questions.

first things first. what did it mean? well it just meant that at the time i considered myself a christian but looking back i see a lot of pagan influence in my beliefs. which leads me to your other question. why did i call myself that? i didn't at the time. at the time i simply saw myself as christian. obviously unorthodox and heretical, but still christian in my own eyes. so it's mostly a term that i retroactively apply to my younger self to describe the later "phase" of my belief in christianity.

as for what i believe...that's a big question that i don't know if i could answer comprehensively but i'll try to give you a few of the big ones.

probably the biggest one that basically enabled all the others was that i simply rejected the infallibility and inerrancy of the bible. i still believed it was divinely inspired and generally authoritative, but not absolutely so. this goes doubly for the old testament, which i eventually disregarded completely as little more than a collection of interesting myths and poems and bits of wisdom. i thought people who were too concerned with the bible were bordering on idolatry.

i should note that for me "divine inspiration" is on a spectrum. on one end is "every single word was directly and perfectly dictated by god with the authors being basically possessed and simply acting as a conduit" vs "the authors of the bible were simply wise men (the wisdom a result of divine inspiration) doing the best they could to interpret god's will within the limits of their particular circumstances". i think most christians believe in something closer to the former, i fell closer to the latter.

lightning round: i generally accepted the trinity but had some fairly unorthodox beliefs about it, i believed in and venerated other gods/angels but the "christian god" above all, rejected the divinity of jesus the man (at first i believed the son basically possessed jesus at his baptism but eventually i rejected his divinity altogether), by extension i rejected the virgin birth of jesus, i rejected original sin, rejected the idea of eternal torment in hell, really emphasized the belief in something like deification/exaltation, embraced mysticism and gnosis, believed in continuing revelation, rejected creation ex nihilo, relatedly i believed in a panentheistic conception of god, didn't believe god was omniscient or omnipotent or omnipresent (at least not in the traditional sense), i believed god was responsible for all the good /and/ evil in the world, by extension i believed satan was an agent of god and was ultimately "good", etc.

this is just a few of my atypical beliefs i had back then (used to get a lot of weird looks from other christians i knew). now obviously not all these beliefs were necessarily "pagan", but a lot of them were or they were at least pagan-influenced or pagan-adjacent. this was probably because at the time (and through the course of my entire life really) i was deeply immersed in classical greco-roman philosophy and enlightenment era deism and transcendentalism and even some dabbling in gnosticism.

actually it's always funny answering these sorts of questions because it reminds me that my religious beliefs haven't really changed all that much over the years. i still believe basically a lot of the above. now it's just viewed from a slightly different perspective and i've since dropped the bible entirely and fully embraced the pagan stuff.

#same goes for my politics tbh #i still have essentially the same politics as i had back then #they're just viewed from a different perspective #with a few slight tweaks

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iqmmir · 27 days

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Milgram is so funny because the more you like the character the more you make up a backstory for them so you can like them even more. The more you like the character the less of them you understand basically

#.mimiming ❜#mainly with 09 and 10 fans tbh #but ive seen it with others as well #ive seen it a lot with 08 also #it's probably so you can sympathize more with the characters but some of you seriously need to calm down and look at the characters from #different perspectives #also it's so funny to read some of the analysis and theories #please go talk to other people out of your friend group it's scary but it's rewarding #the point of milgram is that they're like the people around you #stop making them shounen protagonists and view them as that #im not saying my own views on the characters are the correct ones or anything #im just saying more of the fandom needs to touch grass

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stairset · 8 months

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It's been like a year since Tales of the Jedi came out but it's still hilarious to me that when returning to early Clone Wars Ahsoka they took one look at the age inappropriate tube top that's impossible to take seriously and said damn did we really put her in this and just retroactively gave her a better outfit and there was just an unspoken agreement with the audience that we would just roll with it and pretend that that was her outfit the whole time.

#i have too ways of rationalizing the outfit change in my head one from an in-universe perspective the other from a meta perspective #the in-universe one is that it's just a training outfit like the one anakin wore in the hologram from rebels #cause they're kinda aesthetically similar and it would explain why we only see her in it during training sessions #the only problem with this explanation is it means her training outfit is more practical than her regular outfit which is kinda silly #the meta explanation is It's The Same Outfit But Viewed From A Different Lens #aka it's just that thing cartoons do sometimes where they redesign the characters and just act like they always looked like that #like when batman the animated series transitioned into the new batman adventures #or when lego ninjago changed the designs in season 8 #no in-universe explanation for why they look different they just always looked like that now don't question it #ahsoka tano #star wars #shut up tristan #also i just realized i accidentally typed too instead of two in that first tag but i'm not going back and typing all that again

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angelsdean · 1 year

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my tags on my prev reblog re: dean's misinterpreted attitude toward monsters just got me thinking abt sam and the bloodfreak stuff in general and like, as we know a lot of the early seasons were framed in sam's pov so a lot of the time it' him who's feeling like a monster and projecting that onto others to confirm his own beliefs abt himself. like when he finds out abt john telling dean to kill him if he goes darkside sam suddenly is in agreement w/ john saying john's right and dean has to do it because dad said so !!! anyways that's just preface to what i want to say which is, sam isn't really a monster. what i mean is, he's not a monster in the inherent sense that he seems to think he is, and that's part of the reason why dean pushes back against the demon blood stuff because he knows sam can be saved and for dean his number one job is to save sam because the alternative is following john's order and that's something he just cannot do. so it makes sense that dean would do whatever it takes even if that's being a little mean or forceful (calling him a monster, echoing john by telling him not to walk out that door to give sam pause, forcing him to detox) because he does not want to kill his brother.

but anyways, sam is not a monster in the way he (and a lot of fans) thinks he's a monster. he was Not born a monster, it's not something that is intrinsically and inherently part of him. and i'd argue there's really nothing special or "chosen one"-esque about him (aside from the lucifer bloodline making him a better candidate for vessel purposes), he was just a regular baby who was dosed with demon blood, which in the text is treated as a drug / addiction. there was nothing special about any of the babies azazel dosed, they were just the children of people he'd made deals with. i think pretty much any baby (possibly even adult) who's fed demon blood from a powerful enough demon (like a Prince of Hell) would develop psychic powers. so it's not something completely out of his control that's turning him into a monster like a virus or a vampire / werewolf bite where he can't stop the progression. it's not happening to him he's making active choices to strengthen those powers and the more he feeds the more he wants it. everything w/ ruby is framed as him knowing he's doing something "wrong", the sneaking around, the lying. and i think dean's response is along the lines of "we need to get you help. we need to stop this because it's something that can be stopped. and if we stop it then i won't have to see you lose yourself or go too far. because if you go too far and start hurting people then i might have to kill you and i can't do that so please just let us save you." and i think that's fair. yes he and bobby maybe go about things the wrong way but i think it's born out of desperation. and also it's not a rejection of "this is who you are and we hate you for being a monster" it's "you're making choices that are leading you down a dangerous path and we're scared we may lose you so we're trying to stop you from going too far down that road."

like the end goal of all the bloodfreak stuff (ruby's end goal) was to free lucifer and freeing lucifer would mean sam becoming his vessel. they obviously don't know all that at the time, but in hindsight it's like, yea we should've curbed that bloodfreak stuff sooner. also heaven was telling dean to stop sam too and that he was going down a dangerous path and that if dean doesn't stop him they will (likely meaning death) so again, of course dean's gonna try to do whatever he can to stop sam even if it's by not great methods. (also heaven was playing him too bc they also wanted lucifer to be freed so that Destiny could come to pass)

#i've been thinking a lot abt the bloodfreak stuff lately #esp whenever i see takes that sam is like inherently different or monstrous #like he's really not ??? he was just a baby who was fed demon blood like many other babies #i read the bloodfreak stuff thru an addition lens moreso than a 'there's something inherently wrong w/ me' lens #which is also why the queercoded sam stuff often just. does not stick for me. like i Can see where ppl are coming from #but when you don't view sam's monstrous-ness as inherent then it's like. well it doesn't make for good parallels to queerness #whereas you take the shifter / dean parallels and it's like !!!! the shifter relating to dean and saying they're alike in many ways #that they were both born different and hated before they had to make themselves different and both just want someone to love them #and the shifter as dean earlier telling sam he's a freak he knows he's a freak and that everyone will always leave him #it's just different the way dean's ''freakness'' is framed as something inherent to him #while sam's is literally literally !! something that was Introduced to him after the fact not something he was born with #i'm sorry and this isn't sam crit it's more. interpretation crit ?#but also i think we can all have different and conflicting interpretations too bc sometimes i'm like yea. queer sam!#(tho often that has nothing to do w/ the monster-coding)#but idk i've just been thinking abt the bloodfreak stuff lately and how other characters reacted to it and how it's framed from sam's pov #vs deans and other characters. like sam seems to think there is something inherently wrong w/ him and so a lot of viewers believe it #but from outside perspectives dean and bobby and even heaven view it as an addiction and as choices sam's making that he can stop #vic.txt #mymeta #long post #sam studies

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cakemoney · 24 days

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i don't want to put my uninformed foot in my mouth or get involved with the Discourse but i've been seeing the two extremes of reactions to the korean low birth rates issue (on tumblr and twitter both) and i'm just kind of like. look. i feel like "low birth rates (in many countries but especially japan and korea as part of this conversation) are more broadly the result of capitalism/a culture of overwhelming overwork that makes social relationships and having families incredibly inaccessible to young people" and "low birth rates are very much a part of the current conversation about misogyny and social expectations for women in korea especially in the context of reproduction as 'unpaid labor' for women" are statements that can both be true

#laughs awkwardly #gender #especially considering the ways patriarchal expectations and capitalism very much intersect in terms of quality of life for women #ex. women being expected to have kids / raise kids / do all the housework and cooking in a relationship #while ALSO existing in a society where women (even married women) have to work demanding jobs to deal with the high cost of living #AND women are systemically discriminated against in terms of pay / job availability / work environment and harassment #all of these things add up. these conversations are not opposing points of view. you know?#and also like. not super comfortable with how TERFs are discussed in terms of non-white cultures #TERFism / radfems as a MOVEMENT (and a cult) is very much rooted in white supremacy / ideals of womanhood #again. multiple things can be true at the same time. yes i do see (from my perspective involved in taiwanese social media)#some east asian feminists engage in transphobia in ways that approach radfem rhetoric ('women are victims of men' 'men are predators'#type generalized sentiments which you can imagine gains a lot of traction among women traumatized by patriarchy)#but movement-wise i don't think it's fair (or just in good faith) to generalize radical feminists from non-white countries #to straight up TERFs. which again. rooted in white supremacy. keep feeling like i have to remind people it doesn't make sense #for asians to be white supremacists and that not all oppression on earth stems directly from white people. you weirdos #'what are you talking about' in east asia the type of feminist statements called 'radical' are stuff like.#women shouldn't have to wear make up every time they go outside. women shouldn't be expected to do all housework.#should men pay for women on dates. debates that i think in the states we kind of take for granted as stuff settled years ago #even if some feminists might be transphobic it's not necessarily Transphobia As Core Tenets Of The Movement. does anyone get the difference #basically what i'm saying is. wow these tags got long. maybe let's not apply uniform standards of 'correct language and values'#to non-white people and attack them when as all movements they are fluid and influenced by the people living in it #TERF-style transphobia is not the predestined course for them. maybe it's more productive to have open discussions about transphobia #to work towards inclusivity and solidarity in these movements than to prescribe White Internet Morality to them #and declare that they're evil when they are still very much having conversations that need to be had. thanks i think that's all #essentially. i find that 'how dare a non-american movement not have morally pristine vocabulary priorities and membership #as determined by white leftists' to be in itself kinda a racist attitude

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tempesthreads · 1 year

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I'm so tired and need to work but I just want to say how...relieving the process has been for me this few weeks or so of letting go of toxic people, making new friends, and reaching out and reconnecting with old friends. After being in a particularly shitty 'friendship' (it honestly felt more parasitical than anything sometimes), it was so weird to meet people who respect my boundaries and listened to what I had to say, rather than just use me to satisfy their own wants or needs. I'm still working on making sure I set and keep those boundaries up, but yeah. I'm glad I'm making progress.

#tempest talks #Mutuals i love you so much.#You know who you are. I love you so so so much. Thank you for bearing with me.#very long vent in tags:#I gave this toxic person a second chance because technically I had a friendship breakup with them once before.#But ultimately realized how unhappy I was talking to them #And how fundamentally different our ideologies were.#It's not to say people with different opinions can't be friends with each other.#But this person checked off so many of my personal 'red flags' and I just ignored them #because I felt bad about breaking up a relationship they seemed happy in #but spoiler alert: I was not happy in that relationship at all and it almost definitely wasn't healthy.#Ending that relationship was probably the best thing I could've done for myself.#And I'm so so so proud of myself for actually standing up for myself for once and getting myself out of a situation that made me unhappy.#Like this person is blocked from my blogs but if they're somehow reading this:#No I don't have regrets about ending our relationship. You have a lot of stuff you need to work through #and you really need to ask yourself how you view 'friends' and how you treat them.#Because from the perspective of one of your ex-friends: you are self-centered and do not give a flying fuck about your 'friends"#Correction: You do give a few fucks. But you're still self-centered and fail to listen to them when they set boundaries.#And you expect them to comfort you in a crisis when you offer the bare minimum back when they need help.#You also display a very concerning amount of ignorance when it comes to current events and history that is very important to acknowledge.#And yet for some reason you think you know better about the politics and injustices in my country than *me* a person living there?#All because you asked your parent? Who is also not from my country or living here???#You have a lot of privilege due to the way you were born. And you don't acknowledge it.#Anyway please stay off my blog thanks.#Yes this is loaded with salt #but I wish you the best with whatever you're up to now.#and I hope you learn and grow to be a better friend and human being in general.

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earhartsease · 4 months

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this is so on the nose

just adding (since it seems to have stirred some people up) that obviously this is not an absolute - it just points to how some oppressive systems (for example) rely on bad faith to cover for their systems doing what they're really intended to do by claiming that they're still in progress - but there are plenty of other less bad faith examples too that are more to do with poorly thought out or poorly implemented plans

[ID: post by The Garantine quoting the start of a wikipedia article

Very tired of hearing about what the intentions are. If a system constantly produces a different outcome than the one it is "intended" for then it's perfectly reasonable to assume the actual intention is the outcome it continues to produce.

beginning of quoted article below reads as follows:

The purpose of a system is what it does

The purpose of a system is what it does (POSIWID) is a systems thinking heuristic coined by Stafford Beer, who observed that there is "no point in claiming that the purpose of a system is to do what it constantly fails to do." The term is widely used by systems theorists, and is generally invoked to counter the notion that the purpose of a system can be read from the intentions of those who design, operate, or promote it. When a system's side effects or unintended consequences reveal that its behavior is poorly understood, then the POSIWID perspective can balance political understandings of system behavior with a more straightforwardly descriptive view.

ID ends]

#cw war in the comments

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suiana · 2 months

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(yandere! infected harem x gn! reader) (HEAVILY inspired by LT may's book 'infected' on wattpad, go read it!!!)

This was exactly like a zombie infection. No, it was worse.

You couldn't even remember how it all started. You were just sitting in class one day, listening to your tutor yap about something boring when all of a sudden you heard people screaming.

The once peaceful world you knew was suddenly turned upside down. Everyone had changed for the worse, or better, if you see it from their perspective.

The infected, that's what people are calling them.

They're insane, crazy, obsessive. The epitome of what people once called toxic. But now, it's becoming the norm. And it's all because of that crazy scientist who developed this infection and made it an airborne virus.

You see this as something like a zombie infection. The people who're infected... they're practically... dead. Well, not really. They turn alive once they see their darlings. Right, darlings. That's what the infected are calling the uninfected.

But anyway, these infected people are practically zombies now. Like, enhanced zombies? Maybe? Their physical abilities are no joke, not to mention how much smarter they've all become. And their emotions... God, they're like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

The worst part is, the love emotion has spiralled out of control. All their passion, love, intrusive thoughts... They've lost all sense of rationality when it comes to their beloved darlings. They've become crazy in love for anyone they've had their eyes on prior to the infection. That's why the infected turn alive when they see their darlings. That's why so many people are going missing. That's why you call this a zombie infection.

Because somehow, someway, if you're uninfected and you get caught by an infected... Chances are, you're likely to turn infected as well. Apparently everyone breathed in the infection virus, some just react to it faster than others, hence the huge outbreak of infecteds. Those who didn't turn yet are apparently stronger in health or simply can't react to the infection.

And that's what brings you to your current situation. As an uninfected with their morality and common sense still in-tact.

It's crazy how the people you once called your friends are acting like monsters for their lovers now. You still can't wrap your head around that fact. But to everyone else who got infected it's nothing but a small step to get their darlings.

You can't stand it.

Why is everyone acting like this is something normal? Just a few weeks ago they'd all call this act immoral and simply insane! And now they're doing the same exact thing they vowed to never do? God you absolutely despise that scientist who created this infection.

The same can't be said for the people who are infected though, especially... your admirers.

Look! There's one right now.

"Darling! Has your infection kicked in yet?"

A cheery voice hums, a cute boy coming into view as he stares at you with the most lovesick eyes you've ever seen. Oh, right, forgot to mention but the infection takes place differently in everyone. Apparently it takes form based on your true personality, or whatever the fuck that means.

Meaning that if you were shy prior to the infection, you'd be more shy with your love. Your true personality would either turn you into a clingy wet kitten desperate for your darling's love or to a crazy homicidal maniac that goes insane if their love is not reciprocated. The infected would still be obsessive and possessive to a certain extent. But the rest of the traits are completely dependent on how you really were before getting infected.

And this guy was your friend who was super fucking clingy before the infection. Turns out he was in love with you and the infection just made things a hundred times worse.

"Um, no-"

"Why not? I can't wait for your affection!"

"Uh-"

"Pipe down shorty. You're making them uncomfortable."

Ah, how could you have forgotten that you not only had one admirer, but another one? Actually, scratch that. You had more than 2. Everyday there would be more and more people confessing their love to you, so much that you began to lose count of how many people held you in their hearts.

But there were 4 prominent people who stood out with their affections. And these 2 were it. Unfortunately.

Because even though one was more clingy and the other was more aloof, they had murdered the other admirers ruthlessly in cold blood. At least the aloof one had the decency to wash off the blood before coming to you. This clingy one came to you, all wide eyed and smiley, thinking you'd hug him when he was drenched in blood.

The fact that laws had been changed too didn't help either. People could now openly commit crimes that were once deemed illegal as long as they were proven to be done in the name of love. How cruel.

"Can you both just leave me alone?"

You grumble, glaring at your two admirers as you hide your face in your hands. You were so fucking tired of it all. Not only were you constantly on edge because you were uninfected and could be killed because you looked at someone a little too long, but you also had to deal with the weight of being so many people's obsessions.

This cursed dystopian world that changed in the blink of an eye... Ah, you had only wished you treasured the sweet days of the old world a little more.

#yandere #tw yandere #yandere x reader #yandere drabbles #yandere concept #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines #yandere infected harem #yandere infected harem x reader #gn reader #suiana rambling #suiana brainrotting

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vasquez-rocks · 2 months

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i do get why people critique star trek for having not very 'alien' aliens but i also think it's based on a kinda narrow understanding of what makes an interesting alien character. two lil thoughts. a) trek, as a tv show reliant on mostly practical effects, is not going to be able to do what, say, animation can do with character design. every medium has strengths and weaknesses and it seems a lil silly to not take that into account b) more importantly, i'm less interested in characters that LOOK alien than characters who FEEL alien, that is, who have points of view and experiences that are fundamentally different from humans. odo and jadzia, for example, look a lot less alien than, say, hemmer from snw, and i do like hemmer, but except for his rarely-mentioned psychic abilities, what makes his experience of the world different from any of the human characters? meanwhile, odo and jadzia come from species with different understandings of individuality and consciousness, who can experience things their human counterparts can't (and vice versa in odo's case), and this constantly influences their storylines, choices, and perspectives on the world. even in tos, you have one-off aliens like the horta and medusans that are about as far from humans as you can get on a '60s tv budget. the prophets, even as they sometimes appear as humans, are never really 'humanized' (except maybe a tiny bit at the very end) tl;dr i don't really care if trek aliens are visually alien so much as if they're conceptually alien, and I think you can do that even when your alien is just a human with funky ears or whatever!

#star trek #bla bla bla bla #science fiction #star trek tos #ds9 #star trek snw #odo #jadzia dax #light and love to hemmer but

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janmisali · 1 year

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what do you think of tone indicators in general?

unfortunately my thoughts on tone indicators are somewhat nuanced. fortunately, this is tumblr not twitter, so I can just write out my full thoughts in one post and be as verbose about it as feels necessary.

speaking as an autistic person (and I know there are other autistic people who don't hold this same view, this is just my perspective), I think as an accessibility tool, the extended set tone indicators in current popular use is fundamentally misguided.

the oldest ones, /s for sarcasm and /j for jokes, make sense. their notation isn't the most intuitive thing ("does /s mean sarcastic or serious?") but it's not too difficult to explain what they mean. I've had to spend my whole life learning by brute force what different tones of voice mean and what they change about how I'm supposed to interpret something, so I already know what "read this in a sarcastic voice" and "read this as a joke" are supposed to mean. my existing skills can be translated into the new form without too much effort.

the same thing applies to emoji and emoticons. I know what facial expressions mean, because I had to learn what they mean. figuring out if :) is sincere or not from context is a skill I've already needed to develop. it doesn't come naturally for me, but it's something I already at least somewhat know how to do.

most of the tone indicators in current use uh. don't work like this.

tone indicators like /ref or /nbh don't correspond to specific tones of voice. I don't have a "I'm making a reference" voice or a "I'm not talking about a person who's here" voice that I can picture the sentence being read in. these do not indicate tones, they're purely disambiguators. they clarify what something means without necessarily changing how it would be read out loud.

and on paper, that's fine, right? like, it's theoretically a good thing to take an otherwise ambiguous statement and add something to it that clarifies what you meant by it. the problem is that these non-tone tone indicators are not even remotely self-explanatory. it's up to me, the person who is being clarified to, to know what all these acronyms are supposed to mean, and how they change the way I'm supposed to interpret what something means.

it's, quite literally, a newly-invented second set of social cues that I'm expected to learn separately from the set that I've already spent my whole life figuring out, and it works completely differently.

sure, these rules are (in principle) less arbitrary than the rules of facial expressions and tones of voice and how long you're supposed to wait before it's your turn to speak, but they're also fully artificial and recently invented, which means they're currently in a constant state of flux. tone indicators go in and out of fashion all the time, and the "comprehensive lists" are never helpful.

in theory, I appreciate the idea of people going out of their way to clarify what they mean by potentially ambiguous things they post online. if it worked, that would be a really nice thing to do.

however, sometimes I imagine what the internet would be like without them. what if instead of using /s, the expectation was that if you're sarcastic online there's no guarantee that strangers reading your post will know what you meant? what if instead of inventing more and more acronyms to cover every possible potentially confusing situation, we just... expected one another to speak less ambiguously in the first place?

so, I on paper like the idea of tone indicators. I think it's good that some people are trying to be considerate by being extra clear about what they mean by things. but if tone indicators didn't exist, and people who wanted to be considerate in this way instead just made a point of phrasing things more clearly to begin with, I think that would be vastly preferable to even the most well-implemented tone indicator system.

also /pos sucks because there's something deeply and profoundly wrong for an abbreviation that means "I don't mean this as an insult, don't worry" to be spelled the same way as an acronym that's an insult

#tone indicators #jan misali

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aficionadoenthusiast · 4 months

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*me, with tears of frustration in my eyes* rick didn't include annabeth's crush on luke or luke's pseudo-crush on annabeth for no reason! it is not something that needs to be cut because it's 'gross'! it serves thematic purpose! it adds to characterization! guys! please!

annabeth is twelve, and luke is the guy she's looked up to since she was seven. she not only has that bond, but she has the admiration from him getting his own quest. she has a lot of hero worship going for him, and it's really not unreasonable that she would like him or even that she would think of him as more than a sibling. beyond that, it's a great example of how a person who has never received real, unconditional love can become unhealthily attached to someone who is not good for them just because they've been shown a modicum of respect. if you want to look at it from a percabeth perspective, it could even tie into how her character has to learn the difference between love and kindness from a place of love and respect (i.e. percy) vs love and kindness from a place of obligation and manipulation (i.e. luke as kronos' vessel)

on luke's side, especially with him calling her his little sister now (in the show) and him literally turning into kronos later, it's symbolism for how he's being pulled farther and farther onto the dark side. as kronos takes over his body, he sees her less and less as a sister and more and more of something else, something that would be considered dark and unhealthy by anyone not on the dark side (for good reason), until eventually she has to remind him of their years on the run when he considered her a sister: "Family, Luke. You promised."

you're supposed to be grossed out by it! that means the theme is working!

you're supposed to see a traumatized 12 year old with a crush on her 19 year old mentor and think, "hey, that's weird! i wonder if her not getting any love or attention until she met him plays a role in their relationship?" and eventually see a 24 year old get a villain-induced crush on a 16 year old and think, "hey, that's really weird! i wonder if his turn to the dark side and how that turn happened twisted his view of her?" and ultimately think, "i wonder what that says about the type of trauma that develops in kids who grew up thinking they were unloved, especially since the author specifically wrote the book for his son with disabilities, the author who used to be a teacher, a profession that regularly encounters kids that are actively being abused and neglected?"

anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

edit: this post is not speculation! i'm not trying to say i don't think they're going to include annabeth's crush! i am perfectly aware that we are only two episodes in! this post is in response the people i keep seeing say they're glad because they think Luke's little sister comment means they're not going to include the "gross stuff from the books" (other's wording, not mine), and I was trying to explain why including it would be a positive. sorry, i really thought i made that clear

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radiocrypt-id · 3 months

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The bad kids haven't really looked too closely at the Rat Grinders (meta wise I know it's a commentary on different play styles and how shitty xp farming is and how op players/parties can become by doing the bare minimum if they put in the time while everyone else plays the damn game) but I find the split perspective problems absolutely fascinating. I can't wait for the Bad Kids to look at the Rat Grinders with envy and anger that the Rat Grinders got to live a normal highschool life without all this insane danger and experience being a teenager without it being the end of the world for them. Right now they just hate the Rat Grinders energy and are matching it back (which is a very high school thing to do. To have beef with a whole other group of kids and not even know why but you'll die on this hill because they started shit first)

Because to the Rat Grinders, from a purely outside perspective, the Bad Kids are fucking monarchs of the school, right? They skipped classes, ran around town, fought people, got arrested, hung out with a big devil? Every new staff member came at their recommendation? One of them has both her dads working at the school?? The destroyed school property, got teachers killed, straight murdered the coach? These fucking kids run around and are apparently scott-free? because the principal liked their chaos enough to let it go and help them avoid the police? To the Rat Grinders, the Bad Kids are untouchable. They're exempt from the law. They're liars, cheats and need to be humbled. It's unfair. From everyone elses perspective, it really does look like the Bad Kids have been given crazy favourtism.

Meanwhile, all of the Bad Kids have died at least once. They've been irreparably changed and are in a constant state of fight or flight. They assume everything is dangerous and anyone might be an enemy because for two goddamn years that was the exact case! They couldn't trust any adult first year! Literally anyone could have been infected with Kalina second year! who knows what happened with the Night Yord but I fucking bet they had issues with Yorbies pretending to be helpful just to kill them! Everyone, for two years, has been out to get them! They can't even sleep! And now they have to grind so hard or they fail. Adaine has a seemingly full time job after school basically every day because she literally can't afford to live? Fabian has taken on the most physically strenuous classes and sport one dude could and has dreams of also being a social legend because he's fucking lonely in that big house and he just wants to fill it. If anyone in the party fails or dies Riz is shit out of luck and wont ever get into a university? He so desperately wants his friends with him so he's working over time and ignoring his limits to make up for his party members not caring about the future. Fig is going through the strangest arc I've ever seen in my life? she's hard avoidant and taking three classes, so a 250% work load, because she's desperate to fill her time so she can't think about all the other work she has to do that if she ignores too long could crush her under the debt of her band from her label, or how alone she feels without her girlfriend around. Gorgug is so desperate to prove himself that he's doing four years of school work in one, trying to play catch up and also prove himself at the same time, he's taking it all so seriously but also is so fucking tired. And Kristen. Mother fucking Kristen "hey girlie" applebees. Expected to dedicate her life to a god with no direction, with the weight of failure being her gods death, while also being in school and also at your friends insistence needing to run for student body president and getting your priorities so mixed up and being completely left behind by her peers who didn't have to rework their entire world view and understanding of life in the span of a few months every few months.

The Bad Kids are in a terrible place. They're suffering. I want them to just say it out loud, to stop pretending they have it handled and are fine. I want Riz and Adaine to yell at the party to get their shit together. I want Fabian to tell someone how alone and abandoned her feels. I want Kristen to scream at Cassandra that she agrees, that it's not fair, she's just a kid, how could she be enough all on her own with no help? It sucks a god can only rely on a child, for both the god and child! They're both suffering from this arrangement! Neither is happy! I want Gorgug to beat the shit out of Porter with his inventions and rage at the same time, to make the best shit and use it in the most stunning way anyone has ever seen. I want Fig to finally get some freaking help, to have her teachers and parents reach out in a meaningful way and stop telling her to figure it out alone because clearly the pressure is too much for her to handle and she's drowning. I want someone, anyone, to look at the Bad Kids and tell them to stop. To help them. But I know it wont be that easy. I know it'll be the Rat Grinders yelling at how unfair it is the Bad kids get everything while they're on the sidelines that'll get under the Bad Kids skin and they'll yell about how awesome they are and that they didn't ask for any of this shit to happen to them and to fuck off. I know it's gonna get so much worse before it gets better. I know they'll figure it out and that it'll be a painful road there.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #dimension 20 fhjy #dimension 20 fantasy high #d20 fantasy high #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #d20 spoilers #d20 fhjy #d20 #kristen applebees #figeroth faeth #riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #fabian seacaster #adaine abernant #somebody help these kids man #they're being failed by the system #words

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starhoppin · 6 months

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pick a picture; aspects of you that your future spouse will adore

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

disclaimer; this is a general reading! these messages may not fit everyone. please take what resonates and leave the rest.

「 pile one」

knight of swords (cb: judgement, knight of wands rv), ace of cups (two of swords, five of cups), the hanged man (cb: the chariot, death).

your future spouse will adore your logical mind. you're not the type to get swept up in anger or impulsiveness. you're a steady and reliable presence in their life. this may not be for all of you, but you may be hesitant to get into a relationship with them in the beginning because of how your past relationships turned out. however, it looks like they adore the fact that you overlook your worries and decide to take a chance on them. they love your perspective on things. you may be someone who has a easier time detaching and working through change when compared to your future spouse. because of this, you may help them work through situations by offering a different perspective. i'm also getting an additional message that they love how you reinvent yourself over the years. you may also like to change up your style or your hair a lot. this is something that this person loves.

[songs that may resonate] hello, brooklyn - all time low, unconditionally - katy perry, rebel beat - the goo goo dolls

「 pile two」

strength (cb: eight of pentacles rv), page of cups rv (cb: nine of pentacles), the moon (cb: ace of cups)

your future spouse isn't highlighting a specific aspect about you that they adore, but they're emphasizing your impact on their life. they may be going through a dry period in their life - lacking passion and motivation - before you. however, when you two meet, it's like you sparked something in them. they view you as brave, compassionate, driven, etc. and your presence inspires them to be the best version of themselves. this may be a specific message, but for some, you may deal with a lot of gossipy, jealous people in your life that are trying to tear you down. these people lack emotional maturity and are just generally insecure. your future spouse adores how you're able to stand tall and take the high road - you don't let their words affect you nor do you stoop to their level in order to exact revenge. you're content being yourself; you don't need their acceptance. you may have had bad experiences when it comes to relationships; consequently, you tend to be a bit more reserved when it comes to love. i'm specifically getting that you "make someone work for it." this is something that they adore about you. you only give your love to those who are worthy of receiving it.

[songs that may resonate] la vie en rose - daniela andrade, goodbye forever - us the duo, perfect/ can't help falling in love - btwn us

「 pile two」

knight of cups (cb: king of swords, judgement), the sun (ten of wands, page of cups rv), wheel of fortune (cb: the emperor, four of swords)

you may usually embody an idealist, romantic energy/mindset; however, you can be incredibly logical when you need to be. i'm seeing that your future spouse loves this duality. you're the light of this person's life. this isn't an aspect of your character that they adore, moreso how you make this person feel. it's like your presence instantly alleviates any burdens they have. their past relationships seem insignificant when it comes to you; nothing could surpass their love for you. i heard the line "you make me strong" from the song strong by 1d - that may resonate for some of you. your future spouse is driven by their love for you and they want to spoil you (possibly with material items.) if this person is really in their masculine energy they may feel obligated to make sure you're taken care of. consequently, they may be prone to burnout since they may overwork themselves. despite this, you encourage them to rest. this is something they adore since they feel like you care about their wellbeing.

[songs that may resonate] outer space / carry on - 5sos, mr. jones - counting crows, dawn to 9pm - brian bulger, jennafer

tarot deck used in this reading: cirque du tarot

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karliahs · 2 years

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i often see people say they can't go to the library because they lost/never returned/dropped some library books in a bath or something, and now view themselves as heinous library criminals who would be yelled at and/or hit with a huge bill if they ever went back

and obvs i can't make promises unless you came into my specific library and were served by me but here are 10 reasons i think if you went in and politely explained the situation to a member of staff it'd probably be fine:

consider this from the library's perspective. those books are probably never coming back regardless. that value (having the books back), which is probably the reason the library has a fines system to begin with, is not gonna happen. the value of retaining you as a customer though is right there in front of them

if you explain that a fine is too high for you to pay and that that is keeping you from coming back to the library, what you've basically said is that there is an impediment to your library access. part of the job of anyone who works in a library is to remove that impediment

library computer systems will vary hugely and if it's been a long time there is a significant chance there isn't even a record of your lost books anymore

the pandemic affected library access significantly and a lot of libraries will have had amnesties once they reopened to get people over the hump of oh god oh god i've had these books FOREVER i can never show my face again. even if that amnesty is officially over, the fact that there was one helps the person in front of you justify waiving the fee (which, if they're like me and you aren't being cruel, they are probably looking for a reason to do!)

a lot of libraries have reduced or no fines for children, so if you lost books as a kid there's even more of a chance there won't be a fine

the person you speak to at the front desk at a library is probably not an accredited Librarian TM but a nice underpaid person who has to deal with a lot of difficult customers going off on them for no reason (also accredited librarian tms are also pretty nice usually). i would take 100 people politely explaining that they've lost books and are very embarrassed over one person whose purpose that day is to belittle me, a captive audience who has to be nice no matter what. library assistant jobs are often not that different from customer service jobs! a lot of library assistant jobs now explicitly are customer service jobs! it is so so likely that that person wants nothing less than to have an adversarial conversation with you

if you haven't been to a library since you were a lot younger, it is almost certainly no longer what you're picturing. most modern libraries are actively trying to move away from the image of severe quiet building where you will be shhhhed and sternly told to look after your books or else. we're trying to be vibrant community hubs full of friendly people who will do their best to help you

library employees, bizarrely enough, probably don't think of each individual book as being that valuable compared to other readers. if you own a book and keep it forever and read it maybe twice, barring any crazy accidents it'll probably last decades. if a book is on the shelves of a public library and is regularly borrowed, it'll last...3-5 years, maybe. a busy library will discard large volumes of stock every year because that's just how it works. you lose that sense of the sanctity of every copy of every book pretty fast in these kinds of jobs

libraries need people to use them! a huge huge part of getting library funding is demonstrating how many people use and value your service. you and the library staff are on the same side: they also want you to be able to use the library again

a public library has witnessed behaviours the likes of which you cannot imagine. people have shoved books down our toilets. people have looked at porn on library computers in full view of everyone around them. people have thrown chairs out of the window. losing books happens all the time and is so unlikely to phase staff who are probs a little bit dead inside

tldr: come back to the library, we need you visiting and using the service more than we need the books you accidentally lost, also if the person you talk to is anything like me they're probably just glad you aren't yelling at them

#like so many situations in life if you are polite and reasonable you will be a blessing to customer service workers #people are so fucking rude and dehumanising i do not care if you lost one of our books when you moved house 5 hears ago #talking

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