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authenticdesperation · 3 years

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A Review of Every Single Episode of Inside No. 9 [1/2]

Disclaimer: my opinions are not definitive but they are bloody good. There may be spoilers so read at your own risk. This will probably have to be a two-parter for the sake of my sanity and your scrolling.

Series 1

1. Sardines

A killer way to kick off a series with an absolutely top notch cast. This episode probably wins the award for the episode I’ve spent the most time thinking about after watching, putting all the little things that went over my head at first into place. I love the set design in this episode as well with everything seeming delightfully old fashioned.

2. A Quiet Night In

This episode is something of a masterclass in farce and it is a Bold Move to have the second episode of a new series almost completely free of dialogue. It’s dirty, it’s fully of silly slapstick and it’s a nice change of pace after the rather harrowing ending to the first episode.

3. Tom and Gerri

This is an episode I enjoyed more when I thought about it more. It beautifully shows the decline of Tom’s mental health (acted impeccably, lovely work from Reece) due to grief. Also it was quite nice to see Reece and Steve acting opposite each other more, they have great chemistry together and Steve as Migg is perfectly unsettling.

4. Last Gasp

Now, I have to be honest with you: I do not exclusively have glowing praise for this episode. I enjoyed it far more after watching it more than once as I liked the humour of it. One of my favourite things was the video camera perspective at the start, as well as some lovely moments with the music. However, I’m not overly keen on the ending, I just found it slightly underwhelming.

5. The Understudy

Back on the praise train kids! I am a big old Shakespeare nerd (as are Reece and Steve, apparently) and I studied Macbeth for my GCSEs so I was particularly excited when I watched it. I will also have to give a little nod to the directing of this episode, it was an absolute feast for the eyes.

6. The Harrowing

Oh hell yes (no pun intended). I think this episode is a great one to cap off the first series, really demonstrating the versatility of Steve and Reece. Also, I’m a big horror fan and the entire atmosphere of it really appealed to me. Though I would say that the second I saw that house I would have run about fifteen miles in the opposite direction.

Series 2

1. La Couchette

This episode is very similar to Sardines in the sense that it feels rather claustrophobic, but this time it leans far more towards the comedy side of things rather than drama. Bonus points for Steve demonstrating his German skills.

2. The 12 Days of Christine

Ah yes, the episode I’ve cried at every time I’ve watched it. This one is a strong demonstration of how to wrong foot an audience: you never quite know what’s going on until towards the end and all of the horror-esque moments just add to the confusion making the ending one hell of an emotional gut-punch. I wouldn’t watch it if you need something to cheer you up, though.

3. The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge

My second favourite episode of series two, The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge is packed to the brim with silly puns and smutty jokes. I personally predicted the twist but in this case I don’t think it really mattered as I was too busy enjoying the Horrible Histories for adults thing that was going on. Bonus points for another killer cast.

4. Cold Comfort

The first of two episodes directed by Steve and Reece and really quite a bold one at that. The whole thing is filmed in the style of a CCTV feed, which I’m pretty sure an experienced director would warn you off trying, but it really pays off in the narrative. Since the camera doesn’t switch focus at any point, it really relies on the acting performances to keep your focus which, in my opinion, the cast fucking nailed.

5. Nana’s Party

If I had to describe the episode in two words they would be ‘domestic drama’. It’s a fairly classic setup of a family with their fair share of secrets, namely adultery and alcoholism, but happily doesn’t give the game away too early and a layer of humour is added by the slightly irritating prankster character of Pat. It’s the second episode of the series directed by Steve and Reece and has a sort of understated quality to it, showing Claire Skinner’s character’s exacting nature above a layer of familial drama.

6. Séance Time

My favourite episode of series two, at first you think you’re walking into another haunted house scenario until you find out it’s a prank show that went off the air due to a scandal. There’s a great sense of humour throughout, and I don’t know whether I’m easily freaked out or the final jumpscare was genuinely terrifying but I flew about fifteen feet into the air when I saw it. Once I’d peeled myself off the ceiling, I really appreciated that it felt like a slow burn horror despite still only being half an hour.

Series 3

1. The Devil of Christmas

I live for schlocky horror films that are so cheesy they give you nightmares if you watch them before bed. So the 1970s film within the episode, accompanied by a director’s commentary-cum-police interview performed by Derek Jacobi, was an absolute treat. The story of Krampus is one that has been done a lot, but never as a snuff film (as far as I know) so it was a nice little twist.

2. The Bill

Every time I rewatch Inside No. 9 this is the episode I always have to watch no matter what. It is such a simple premise and it feels slightly reminiscent of the Geoff, Mike and Brian sketches from The League of Gentlemen. Now is probably the moment where I should sing the praises of director Guillem Morales who has, quite frankly, become my personal hero having seen the many, many episodes of this series he’s directed. The framing in this episode is absolutely genius, but it’s only really obvious after you’ve watched it a few times and I have to give kudos for making a dialogue-heavy episode visually interesting. There are jokes that I think about at least twice a week and I am obsessed with Jason Watkins’ acting...I think this will be my longest review of this whole post.

3. The Riddle of the Sphinx

This is the best episode I will never watch again. I love horror, and I’ve watched some bone-chilling films but something about this episode made me feel so uncomfortable. It is also a real testament to Steve Pemberton, who I’m led to believe is the cryptic crossword fan who took the lead writing this episode, that he wrote something involving cryptic crosswords that didn’t give me a migraine.

4. Empty Orchestra

Ah, what a nice change of pace after the last episode with something far lighter. The karaoke booth concept is so fun and I’ve never understood the criticism of the episode. That being said, of every single antagonist in every single episode of Inside No. 9, Connie is the character I love to hate the most. All of the characters feel more like people you’ve met before and the vibe of a group of work colleagues in a karaoke booth going through the usual petty drama feels familiar. I think series three is one that has some of the darkest concepts and this is a great exception to that.

5. Diddle Diddle Dumpling

When I looked in the background more while rewatching this episode, I noticed a lot of things were in twos. I can only assume that was a deliberate choice made somewhere along the line, and one that pays off when you notice it. Both Mat Baynton and Keeley Hawes played their parts to perfection, with Mat really doing quite a lot with a fairly small part. The whole episode reads as an interesting analysis of grief, in a similar sense to Tom and Gerri. Also, Reece’s character did not murder the remaining twin and apparently I’m the weirdo for thinking that was what was being implied. In my defence, there was cannibalism earlier in the series; filicide did not seem like that big of a leap.

6. Private View

Agatha Christie eat your heart out (that wasn’t meant to be a reference to the ending, it’s just a happy accident). Murder mysteries are my absolute jam so I am obsessed with this episode. The modern art show is such a great setting for a whodunnit as demonstrated by the reaction to the discovery of Peter Kay’s character’s body. All the characters have their brilliant little quirks, and the killer is revealed at the perfect time and it was a good idea to not make that reveal the twist.

#mine #review #inside no. 9 #inside no 9 #reece shearsmith #steve pemberton #the league of gentlemen #league of gentlemen #television

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hopelikethemoon · 4 years

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Family Dinner (Javier x Reader) {MTMF} [smut]

Title: Family Dinner Rating: Explicit Length: 3700 Warnings: Family Fluff and Smut (period sex, shower sex, and fingering) Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in the Summer of 1998. No pre-reads so this is entirely unbeta’d because we live in a lawless land. Summary: Javier teaches Josie to make enchiladas.

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You inhaled deeply as you walked through the front door, catching the scent of something delicious coming from the kitchen. It smelt like roasted chilies. “I smell something good!” You called out as you kicked off your shoes by the front door, before you headed into the kitchen.

Javier had Josie sitting on the kitchen counter beside him as he used a knife to peel the soft interior of the roasted pepper into the food processor. “Hey, baby.” He drawled out with a grin as he glanced back at you.

“Mommy! We’re making enchinchillas.”

Your brows shot upwards, “Interesting choice, if that’s the case. I think you’re making enchiladas.” You corrected her, biting the hair tie off your wrist and pinning your hair back into a loose bun. “How’s it going?”

“The tortillas were a hit.” Javier told you, “Josie’s a natural with them.”

You grinned, “Well, she certainly watched us make them when she was little.”

“Really?” Josie asked.

“Really.” You told her, kissing the top of her head as you reached over and ran your hand down Javier’s back. “We used to put you in your highchair and set you up in the kitchen so you could be part of the action.”

“Wow!” She clasped her hands together. “Daddy said I was good at making them.”

Javier shrugged a shoulder, “I figured, my mother started getting me involved with her cooking when I was a little younger than Josie. She loved this enchiladas recipe.”

“I know.” You smiled warmly at him. “I’m glad you’re passing the tradition on.”

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “How was work?” Javier questioned as you walked towards the other side of the kitchen.

“I’ll be honest, I feel like crap.” You told him, pulling open one of the upper cabinets and pulling down the plastic tote that contained medicine. You grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and popped two into your mouth, holding them there while you put the tote back out of reach of the girls.

“What’s wrong?” Javier asked, before turning his attention back to the enchiladas, “Alright Josie, you can put the garlic in now.”

“I love garlic!’

“It’s that time of the month.” You answered around the pills, filling up a glass of water to wash them down. “I’ve got the cramps of the century.” You washed your hands off in the sink, prepping to help them with dinner.

“You should go lay down with a heating pad.” He offered, before the sound of the food processor switching on filled the kitchen. The smell of peppers and garlic made your stomach growl. You loved when Javier cooked. You weren’t half bad at making some of his favorite dishes, but he’d really honed his skills when he stayed at home for two years.

You ducked out of the kitchen for a minute to find the camera, wanting to capture this moment on film. Javier tried to keep the memory of his mother alive with the girls. Especially Josie, who he swore looked like her. You could see it too.

He had been so young when he lost her and he worked hard to supply Josie with her own collection of memories related to her abuelita.

“Smile.” You urged, grinning as Josie and Javier both turned towards you and offered a confused look.

“The paparazzi found us, JoJo.” Javier winked at her, “They’ve heard what a good cook you are, princesa.”

Josie giggled as she pretended to hide her face from you, “No pictures please! No pictures!” She scrunched up her nose as you took two more pictures of them.

“I can assure you, I have full press privileges in the Peña test kitchen.” You told her, matching her sassy expression with one of your own as you put your hands on your hips.

You moved to the other side of the kitchen to grab the large glass casserole dish you had used the last time you made enchiladas. You sat it down on the sink beside Josie.

“Thanks, baby.” Javier said with a warm smile as he removed the blade from the food processor bowl, passing it to Josie. “Alright, now poor this into that dish.” He instructed her.

“It’s so red!” She mused as she poured the red sauce into the bowl.

“Alright, you’re going to have to stay over here.” Javier informed her, “Because the oil is going to be very hot and I don’t want you to get burnt.”

“Okay!” She nodded, listening intently to him.

“You’re going to dip the tortillas into the red sauce and then let mommy put it on a plate and bring it over to me.” He passed you the plate, before he moved towards the stove and got the skillet going.

“Look at us,” You told Josie with a grin. “We make quite the team, don’t we?”

She nodded, “We do! I wish sissy could help us. But daddy said she was too small to help us.” She pouted a little as she used the tongs to place the tortilla onto the plate.

“She’s sleeping,” Javier told you as you brought the plate over to him. “We went to the park this afternoon and she was all about chasing after Stevie.”

“I figured you hadn’t left her somewhere,” You teased, watching him for a moment as he carefully put the tortilla onto the skillet, moving it around before flipping it over.

“Mommy! I have more for you!” She kicked her feet against the cabinet to get your attention.

“Babydoll, I am right here.” You chuckled as you returned to collect another tortilla, moving in between the two of them as the process continued. “Did you make the filling already?”

“I sense doubt in my skills,” Javier teased as you returned with another tortilla. “You’ll be proud of JoJo. She helped saute the onions and chicken.”

“But they’re not chicken nuggets.” Josie told you very primly. “I thought all chicken was nuggets.”

You rolled your eyes and laughed, “Well, you do live on them.”

She nodded, “I love chicken nuggets.”

Once the tortillas were done in the skillet, Javier brought Josie over to help him fill them, holding her up over the side of the counter. You opted to take photos, quite impressed with how skillfully Josie was able to fill the tortilla, roll it, and place it into the long casserole dish.

“I think this is going to be the cure for my crappy day.” You remarked as Javier worked on the finishing touches — spreading more red sauce over the enchiladas, before covering them with crumbled queso fresco and cheddar cheese.

“I bet I can think of another way to cure your bad day, baby.” Javier retorted with a wry smirk. “The kind a nice hot shower might be able to fix.”

“Behave.” You warned, picking up a piece of queso fresco and popping it into your mouth.

Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth as he opened the stove and placed the dish inside. “Well, JoJo. You’ve done it. You have successfully made your very first enchiladas.” He turned on the stove light so she could peer inside.

“We did it daddy!” She cheered, wrapping her arms around his leg and grinning up at him.

“But now,” He started in a very grave voice. “We have to do the most important part of cooking.”

“What’s that?”

Javier gestured around the kitchen to the various plates, bowls, and utensils that had been used to make the enchiladas. “Clean up.”

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head. “I’m good.”

You snorted, smiling at the two of them. “Even Barney has a song about clean up, Josie.”

“He says everybody do their share!” She pointed at you. “Are you helping, mommy?”

“Mommy has to go check on sissy,” Javier explained to her, before turning his gaze towards you. “Go rest.” He mouthed to you, nodding his head towards the bedroom.

“The Tylenol’s helping.” You assured him, “But I will go check on Sof. If I were her, this smell would wake me up.”

“C’mere.” Javier crooked a finger at you, urging you close so he could press a kiss to your lips. “Thanks for helping.”

You ran your fingers over the exposed skin of his chest where he had three buttons undone. “I’m always happy to cook with you.” You kissed him again, before you slipped out of his embrace and headed for the nursery.

As you had expected, Sofía was wide awake, but contentedly chilling in her crib. You scooped her up with her stuffed Scooby-Doo plush, and headed back out into the kitchen. “Look who woke up from her nap.”

“Sissy!” Josie squealed, grabbing at Sofía’s dangling feet and kissing them.

Stevie barked, darting into the kitchen to announce that someone was at the front door. She paced back and forth for a moment, before running back into the family room and barking again.

“Monica and Nadia are joining us.”

“I figured.” You said as you passed Sofía to him. “You pulled out the big casserole dish.”

He chuckled, scratching at the back of his neck. “I would’ve invited Steve and Connie too, but her mother’s in town—”

“Say no more.” You made a face, before you leaned down and kissed your daughter’s belly as Javier held her back to his chest in a cradle. She giggled and squealed, patting at your head.

Josie scurried out of the kitchen to greet her two favorite people. That child could talk a person’s ears off if they let her and Monica and Nadia always let her. She was obsessed with them and they were fine with that.

“I come bearing gifts,” Nadia said as she walked into the kitchen with a bottle of Dewars White Label.

“You don’t have to bring us gifts every time you come over for dinner,” You told her, giving her a hug after you took the bottle from her. “But I’m not going to say ‘no’ to scotch.”

“That’s what I thought.” Nadia laughed, waving at Sofía as she babbled for attention in Javier’s arms. “Honestly, I got it at my co-worker’s barbecue last weekend.” Nadia told you, “They played a bunch of stupid games and I won it.”

“Games?” You made a face.

“I don’t understand people in Florida’s obsession with party games.” Javier rolled his eyes.

“You’ve both lived here for how long now? Aren’t you Florida people now?”

“No.” You both answered in unison.

“Mhm.” Nadia gave you both a skeptical look. “Whatever floats your boats, party people.”

“How’s the internship going?” You questioned as you moved to put the bottle of scotch in the liquor cabinet. “Planning to escape to space anytime soon?”

“I’m not an astronaut.” Nadia reminded you with a short laugh, “I am having a blast.”

Javier chuckled, “Like blast off?”

Nadia groaned, “You are not allowed to pull out dad jokes, Javi. It is too early.”

“Anyways,” You gave Javier a pointed look, even though you couldn't help but grin. He could be so fucking corny sometimes. He’d always had a great sense of humor, but back in Colombia, it tended to veer into the dark humor realm. “What do they have you doing?”

“Well, the internship title is ‘Molten Regolith Electrolysis Subsystem Design and Testing’, so that is what I do.”

“That’s a lot of words.” You shook your head. “As long as you’re having fun.”

“I am.” Nadia nodded, glancing back towards the family room at the sound of Monica and Josie laughing. “The distance sucks, but we’re making it work.”

Javier bounced Sofía in his arms, “That’s what, three hours?”

“Four with traffic.” Nadia made a face, “Seriously, thanks again for letting her have your old Taurus. I don’t know what we would’ve done.”

“We’re happy to help,” Javier told her with a smile. “We just want what’s best for Monica.”

“I think I can speak for her when I say you guys were exactly what she needed.” Nadia told you, a faint smile playing over her lips. “I obviously wasn’t there for everything, but I know what she says. She needed actual parents.”

“I might not have given birth to her, but Monica is as much our daughter as Josie and Sofía.” You assured her. “She’s a hell of a young woman.”

Monica appeared around the corner with Josie wrapped around her back, arms slung over her shoulders. “I heard my name.”

Nadia grinned at her, “I can’t embarrass you by looking at baby pictures, so I’ve got to make do with verbal brag books.”

“Oh God,” Monica grumbled, closing the distance between her and Nadia to press a kiss to her lips — which Josie provided sound effects for.

“What a weirdo.” Nadia teased, ruffling Josie’s hair. “What did you do this week?”

You turned back to Javier with a grin, “Never a dull moment.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head, “And to think I used to picture being cooped up in an apartment alone somewhere at this point in my life.” He readjusted Sofía in his arms, letting her wrap her arms around his neck as she gurgled and attempted to add to the conversation.

“All that’s missing is the white picket fence.” You smirked, “I think it would clash with our aesthetics.”

He snorted, “It’s a damn good life.”

“It is.” You reached up and ran your fingers through the hair that fell against his forehead, before you leaned in to kiss him. “I think I might take you up on that offer.”

His brows rose upwards, “Yeah?”

“Something to think about.” You whispered as you kissed him again, before you turned back towards the girls. “So what are we drinking?”

“Monica’s driving. Do you have any gin?”

“Yep, in the cabinet.” You nodded, “And lemonade, since I know exactly where this is going.”

“Mommy, can I have gin?”

“Nope, but you may have lemonade.” You told Josie, patting her back. “Hey, why don’t you take Stevie out in the backyard before dinner?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll go with her.” Monica told you, before looking to Nadia, “Hon, can I just have a Coke?”

“You’ve got it.” Nadia snapped her fingers, before helping herself to the fridge as Monica departed the kitchen.

Given your upbringing, family dinners had never really been a thing that you looked forward to. Hell, family in and of itself was such a contentious topic. But that wasn’t the case anymore. You didn’t envy others for the families they had, because you had your own. You had Javier, who proved to be the most incredible partner — and you had the girls, Nadia included.

———

You tilted your head back, eyes closed as you let the warm water run down your chest, rivulets running down between your breasts and falling at your feet. Despite your claims that the Tylenol had eased your cramps, you still felt the stiff knot of tension in your lower belly. This month seemed determined to be a bitch. Your period just had to arrive fast and hard on a Friday — just to ruin hitting the pool over the weekend.

The bathroom door creaked open and you smirked, “Who goes there?” You questioned with a teasing lilt, listening to the tell-tale sound of Javier’s clothes being removed. The faintest flicker of arousal burned in your core at the promise of what was to come.

“Depends on who you want me to be, baby.” Javier drawled out, peeling back the shower curtain.

You turned beneath the showerhead, blinking as the water ran into your eyes as you watched him step in to join you in the shower. “So many possibilities.” You teased, reaching out to stroke your fingers over his chest. “But I think you is the best answer.”

He nodded his head slowly as he ran his hand over your hip, stepping closer to you. “That is the best answer.” Javier gave your hip three squeezes, before he leaned down to trail a line of kisses down the curve of your throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Gross.” You admitted, resting your hands at his shoulders, playing with the water droplets as they fell onto his skin. “I feel like my body is punishing me for not breastfeeding anymore.” You sighed softly when Javier’s tongue darted out against your pulse point. “I’ve got cramps, I’m bloated, and thanks to someone I’m a little bit horny.”

“I’m very interested in that last one,” Javier remarked, pressing kisses along your collarbone as he ran his hands over your waist. “You gonna let me take care of you, baby?”

You nodded, raking your fingers through his wet hair, “I’m looking forward to a little relief.” You told him, letting him manhandle you as he turned you around.

“I’ll help however I can,” Javier whispered close to your ear as he ran his hand downwards, tracing shapes over your lower belly before he dipped downwards.

You closed your eyes, sinking back against him as he parted your folds, dragging his fingers between them. He never cared — at all. You’d had boyfriends when you were younger that treated you like a pariah when you were on your period. Javier wasn’t one of them. He took it all in stride and was always willing to adapt.

“Baby,” Javier started, brushing his lips over the shell of your ear. “Have I mentioned lately how fucking gorgeous you are?”

A little bit of praise and you felt like every nerve in your body had come to life. “I think you mentioned it last night, but I’m open to hearing it again.” You told him, turning your head to press a kiss to his scruffy cheek.

Javier worked one and then two fingers into you, dragging them in and out of you slowly. There was something tantalizing about the feel of water rubbing down your skin while he worked at your cunt. You shivered and he chuckled, scraping his teeth over the curve of your shoulder. “Bet I could bend you over right now and fuck you. Couldn’t I?”

You couldn’t help but nod your head, your mind focused on the singular bliss of his fingers working in and out of you. He kept hooking them just right, sending little pulses of need through your veins.

His cock was hard against your ass and you couldn’t help but grind back against him. You grabbed at his free hand, bringing it to your chest, urging him to grab at your breast.

Javier pinched at your nipple and the twinge of pain was quickly followed by fresh pleasure as it burned through you. You were going to come. You could feel the heat radiating through your core.

“This pussy—“ Javier rasped out as he caught your earlobe between his teeth. “There’s nothing better, baby. So fucking perfect.”

You were so close.

“Come for me, baby.” He urged. “Come on. Be a good girl. Just for me.”

You cried out softly as you started to come around his fingers, your inner walls clenching and pulsing as your release washed through you.

He withdrew his fingers while you were still coming down from your high, letting the water rinse them clean before he guided your further under the water’s flow.

You turned around to face him, tilting your chin as you pulled him down and kissed him. You balanced on one foot, wrapping the other leg around his hip, drawing him towards you.

Javier took the hint, reaching down between you to guide his cock to your center. He grabbed at your thigh, holding it to his hip as he pushed into you.

Your nails scraped over his scalp as you combed your fingers through his hair. Your cunt was still clenching from your release, drawing him into you until he could press no further.

“How does that feel, baby?” Javier questioned, rocking grinding his hips into yours.

“Fuck.” Your head hit back against the wall as he remained still within you. You swore you could feel every inch of him buried within you, your inner walls fluttering around him — making it feel even tighter.

“Use your words.” He nipped at your jaw. “Come on, baby.”

“Fuck you.” You mumbled, scoring your nails down the back of his neck as you rolled your hips, clenching tight around him as you did.

Javier swore hoarsely, his fingers digging into your thigh as he tried to keep you still. “Want you to come for me, just like this.”

Your eyes flickered open to meet his, blinking through the water droplets as they fell from his face and hair onto you. He looked good. It was unfair how good he looked.

“That’s no fun.” You whispered, tightening your body around him again as you wiggled your hips. You ran your hand over your neck, before sliding it down your stomach, between your thighs to where your bodies were joined. You scraped your fingernails over his lower belly, trailing downwards towards the root of his cock, fingers playing over the skin just at where you were pressed together.

“It’ll be very fun,” He assured you as he drew back just enough press back into you once more. He breathed out your name as he pressed his forehead to yours.

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, tilting your head just enough to kiss him as your fingers sought out that little bundle of nerves that set off fresh heat in your belly.

He palmed at your breast gently as he rolled his hips slowly — barely pulling out of you before pressing back into you once again. You moaned against his lips, your tongue sweeping out to find his as you kissed him.

Your first release had barely settled before you felt your second building on the heels of it. Javier kissed you so desperately as your release washed through you. He swallowed up the sounds you made, lips crushing yours.

Javier started moving then, driving into your clenching cunt until he was able to find his own release right behind yours. He ran his hand over your thigh tenderly soothing the bruises he’d left.

He sank against you, forehead pressed into the crook of your neck, “Fuck, baby.”

You ran your hand down his back, “Water’s getting cold.” You told him, kissing his shoulder.

He chuckled, the sound muffled against your skin. “It’s worth it.”

You smiled against his shoulder, “It helped.” You whispered, winding your arms around him.

“Good.” You whispered, squeezing your hip three short times.

#javier pena #javier pena x reader #pedro pascal x reader

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ultrahpfan5blog · 3 years

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Watching Snyderverse Part 3 - Zack Snyder’s Justice League

After BvS, I was honestly not particularly looking forward to Justice League. For me, it was obvious that Snyder’s versions of these characters and his overall doom and gloom approach was not something I was particularly enjoying despite some promising elements in both MoS and BvS. Then we saw exactly how JL production went down. Despite the happy face they tried to paint, the fact that there was going to be a 2 hour mandate, the fact that Whedon basically reshot a bunch of Snyder’s film with the film being a mishmash of two directors who couldn’t be any more different in their sensibilities, and that that the actors, specifically Ben Affleck, looked like they couldn’t wait to be done with this movie and this role, made it obvious that the movie wasn’t going to turn out well. So my expectations were rock bottom for the theatrical cut. As it happens, that was a good thing. The theatrical cut of JL is a thoroughly unremarkable movie. I don’t abhor it but it is so obviously a patchwork job and a studio mandated film that there is no passion or vision in the movie at all. I mean, I didn’t like BvS much at all, but there was a vision there. Theatrical cut of JL seemed like a film that felt like WB just felt they had to put out there and then move on. And then years later, we get Zack Snyder’s full version of Justice League. I watched it in one sitting, which was maybe a mistake because it is heavy viewing for 4 hours. Without a doubt it is a better movie than the theatrical cut. Its a little tough to judge this film because this is no way a movie that would have been released theatrically. But its also impossible to judge on what it may have been if it was edited down to a 3 hour length. So best to just judge it on its own merits.

Firstly, the positives. This is definitely a more coherent and clear movie. The plot is not rushed and every sequence, be it a character moment or an action sequence, is fully realized without any weird edits. The film does have some more humor than the previous two Snyder films. Mainly courtesy of Ezra Miller and Jeremy Irons. And the humor is not awkward like in the theatrical cut. Ezra Miller in particular benefits from that because some of his cringey lines from the theatrical edition are cut. The special effects are largely impressive and definitely an improvement over the theatrical edition. On a character level, definitely Cyborg gets the most benefit out of all the characters. As we get a full and thorough backstory for him. We get insight into his relationship with both his parents. Steppenwolf also gets significantly more screen time and his motivations are definitely more clearly defined in the movie than in the theatrical. Miller and Momoa also get some more scenes to flesh out their individual characters. What does surprise me is that the film contains a lot of scenes which are essentially just alternate versions of scenes from the theatrical cut. The film isn’t radically different from the theatrical version, but the scenes included in this version feel a little more real. Like a scene with the entire League discussing Superman’s return in the theatrical cut made it obvious that the actors weren’t in the same room together, whereas the original scene in this movie has them clearly in the same physical space. The Superman scenes are also infinitely better without the CGI upper lip. Thankfully, Snyder doesn’t do what he did with the previous two movies and gives some breathing room between action sequences. Probably a bit too much time, but that’s better than no time at all. the tunnel action sequence and the climax set piece is definitely pretty cool. Flash actually having an active role in the climax was a big improvement. My favorite action sequence is still the Superman vs the League because it shows just how powerful Superman can be. Also, the color palette is a lot more consistent and better than the weird bright and red color palette that is used in the theatrical cut.

When it comes down to the performances from the cast, nobody really stands out. They are all fine, but unlike in BvS, where Affleck stood out. Everybody here is just motoring along. In the theatrical cut, Affleck looked completely checked out. I was hoping the original cut would beef up his performance. While it is slightly better, he’s still just a bit too restrained in the role and doesn’t leave the type of impression he left in BvS. Everyone is at their most dour self. Gal Gadot’s WW is more serious and therefore does not get to show her more radiant side in Patty Jenkins’ movies, Momoa is also similarly more dour and serious and not quite as fun as he was in Aquaman. Ray Fisher is decent but its a role that requires him to be very robotic for large chunks of the film. So its a little difficult to assess his performance. Cavill is in far too little of the movie to give much of a performance. He’s perfectly fine in the handful of scenes he has. Miller is probably the best of the lot, even though he’s still more Peter Parker than Barry Allen. Some of the supporting cast actually fare a little better. Irons is a delight whenever he’s on screen and Affleck is also at his best when they have scenes together. That dynamic works. Joe Morton is surprisingly affecting as Silas Stone, as is Billy Crudup in his brief scenes as Henry Allen. Its always nice to see more of Willem Dafoe, Diane Lane, Connie Nielsen, and JK Simmons. Simmons as Gordon was great casting and its a pity we won’t get to see more of him in that role. Amber Heard for some perplexing reason has a British accent in this film as Mera. Given Dafoe and Momoa both speak in their normal voices, that must have been a choice. It did feel a bit funny. Jared Leto and Jesse Eisenberg are back as Joker and Lex and neither of them particularly improve on their performances. I mean, they have a scene each so its no harm done, but the Joker scene particularly drags on for too long. Amy Adams has a small role and she does manage to make to get some emotion out of a handful of scenes.

The film has more than its fair share of issues. Firstly, it is just way, way too long. The pacing is glacially slow at times. And I mean that in the most literal manner. There is so much slow mo in this movie, its crazy. I swear, if you removed the slow motion, you might lose 20 minutes of the run time. Snyder is clearly in desperate need of an editor here. The film has the exact opposite problem of the theatrical cut. Whereas in the theatrical cut, it always felt that every scene was just edited a little too short, in this movie there are scenes that are going on for far too long. There are some very strange edits. Like an entire scene where women in the village are singing hyms when Arthur leaves and smelling his clothes. There is a meet cute between Iris and Barry which is completely unnecessary and is frankly slightly creepy where Barry is caressing her face while she is in the process of being thrown out of her car. Some music choices in these scenes are also a little bizarre. Everything involving the Martian Manhunter is not necessary. I mean, his involvement in a crucial Martha and Lois scene actually takes away from the emotion of that moment. And then he has a very tacked on final scene which is kind of awkward. The Knightmare scene also drags for a bit too long, especially given they are supposed to be in danger while being out in the open. We still have no more clarity as to why Bruce is having these visions. The slow pace does make things boring at times as well. While I am glad that Cyborg’s backstory gets beefed up, there is a bit too much of Cyborg being angry at his father. After a while, it gets monotonous. The film takes too long to get the team together and the first JL action sequence doesn’t happen until over 2 hours into the movie. The film should have spent a bit more time with the team interacting with one another. That’s what made the Avengers movies work and some of the best parts of this movie are also the team together. There are some Snyder tone deaf moments as per usual. While WW’s entry action sequence is very cool, I do find it funny that they have her comforting a girl and the girl wanting to be just like her after she basically obliterates the terrorist into dust. Given her abilities shown in that sequence, there is no reason she wouldn’t have been able to disable him. But instead she just obliterates him. Its all very Snyder. I do also have to wonder about that sequence. I still don’t get exactly how terrorists feel that blowing up a few city blocks will bring down the modern age. I thought this was a weird Whedon thing but it turns out to be a weird Snyder thing. Also, for all the hype about the black suit Superman, its really nothing more than an aesthetic choice for no rhyme or reason. I honestly prefer the Blue and Red if the black suit doesn’t have a point, like the restorative factor from the comics. Also, for all the blame people put on Whedon about the skimpy outfits on Amazons and the weird backside shots of WW, turns out they were all Snyder. There are a few select things that the Whedon cut did slightly better. For example, there is no real major debate or conflict within the team other than minor objections from Arthur over the implications of using the mother box to bring back Superman. Also, a sequence in the theatrical cut where Bruce admits that Clark was more human that he was, is a better version of a similar scene in this movie. Also, while not perfectly executed, the theatrical cut did acknowledge that Bruce was a human fighting amongst superpowered individuals. Also, most importantly, while Steppenwolf is an improvement over the theatrical cut, this is still a movie where the plot involves a villain trying to find three boxes. Steppenwolf is still pretty boring and the main story is not interesting at all. The Darkseid angle of this story is also overhyped since he’s barely in the film.

In the end, it feels that there is a pretty decent 3 hour movie hidden in an ok but dragged out 4 hour film. I’m glad the Snyder fans got to see it. I have had my issues with Snyder’s vision. While I feel he has grand ambitions and a sense of scale and scope, he hasn’t really got the sense of story and script to really make it work to a degree where the audience at large would appreciate it. I have seen his old storyboards and read his recent interviews about what he was going to do. It sounds very grand and very cool, but with a big potential of being a gigantic mess. Who knows what will happen in the future but at least it right now seems that they are moving on from Snyder’s vision. For this film, I am right now landing at about a 6/10, which is the highest mark out of all the Snyder DC movies. I’ve only watched it once and watching it again is a big endeavor so I won’t do it anytime soon, but maybe revisiting it will make me either like it more or less.

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herondaleholly31 · 4 years

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That’s My Girl Chris Evans X Reader

Overview: You and Chris are going to see your daughter perform in her first talent show. Chris helped with her performance and its a little different from what you would’ve expected...

AN: Another Chris one for you guys! Now that Knives Out is coming out, I’ve had people desperate for more Chris, and this idea melted my heart. This is inspired by a scene from one of my favourite TV shows if you know it message me ;) Thank you for the support as always!

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Word count:2300

"nononono" you panicked as you felt you ankle wobble dangerously. Running on cobblestones In heels was dangerous, and a broken ankle was the last thing you needed right now. You slowed down to an uncomfortable fast walk-jog, willing for your ankles to not snap like sticks. It had started to snow, the first time this winter, and you buried your chin into your scarf so to keep your teeth from chattering. The clock in the local church chimed 7:30 causing your head to whip up in alarm and your heel to skid across a particularly icy cobble. You felt your whole body move back and that gut-wrenching shot of panic flashed through your brain as you saved yourself at the last minute from falling. You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, the third time in the past half an hour. You fished it out and shoved it between your ear and shoulder, rounding the corner to beams of saturated yellow light "I'm here, I'm literally outside…… I'm fine love…..yes there was an issue at work that I had to stay for, but I'm here now……okay……I'll see you in a second."

Oak-field catholic school came looming out the darkness, brightly lit up with banners already hanging limply from the steady fall of snow. You skidded up the steps, taking two at a time, to almost trip and fall on the last one. You bag swung around on your shoulder and almost took out a grandfather walking behind you.

"I am SO sorry, Sir!" You gasped "Honestly If I've hurt you-"

"Swinging for the elderly?" A voice joked "I thought we said you wouldn't do that anymore." Chris was standing by the open door, smiling. He walked over, apologised once more to the old man and his wife, before turning back to you, shaking his head. He was wrapped up in a dark jacket over his favourite blue shirt, and his shoes had been cleaned, so they gleamed; he had obviously dressed up the occasion. His hair was still a little messy from a day of running his hands through it, and the sight alone caused you to sigh with joy.

"I'm an addict I couldn't help it," You joked. "Hi."

"Hello." He grinned. He pulled you in for a quick hug, planting a soft kiss by your ear. "How was your day?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Duly noted. Come on," Chris kept his arm hooked around your waist as you both walked into the school "the show hasn't started yet."

"I thought I was going to miss her."

"And that would've made you a terrible parent."

"It would've." It was good to relax and joke around after the day you'd just had, you could already feel the knot in your shoulders start to loosen. You said hi to Lina's mum as you passed and nodded to Sister Margret, who jerked curtly back. The pair of you was just quickly catching up about to head into the hall when a small voice could be heard just behind to you.

"Dad?"

Connie had poked her head out the backstage door. She looked like she was going to be sick; pale skin, sweaty forehead, her nails bitten down to the surface. Her eyes were wide and desperate, and this caused Chris to run over and lean down on one knee. You watched from a distance; Connie didn't like being nervous in front of you because she knew it caused you to become overprotective. You saw Connie shake her head and the words "I can't do it," be said before Chris lightly put a hand over her mouth. He shook his head and spoke soft words, moving the hand to then to bring her head forward so he could kiss the top of her head. Chris said something that caused your daughter to laugh weakly before she said something that caused a belt of laughter from him. He then pulled her in briefly, their cheeks squishing together as he hugged her tight before chivying her lightly towards the door. One last high five and then she slipped backstage again, leaving her Dad to run back over to you smiling.

"Everything okay?"

"yea she's fine. Last-minute nerves. We've been rehearsing all day though so she knows what she's doing."

"I'm just looking forward to FINALLY seeing this secret performance," you said as you entered the auditorium where rows of creaky chairs were set up facing the stage. The sound of a generic TV show single was on a loop through the speakers on either side of the stage, buzzing slightly with the increase of base every few seconds. The air of you headed to two seats in the third row on the inside end, meaning you had the perfect view without having to crane your necks. There was a pause while you both flicked through the programme and said hi to parents of friends and to say hi to that one hysterical fan (there was always one) before you couldn't resist any more.

"Are you going to give me ANY hints about what she's doing."

"Nope."

'Nothing at all?"

"It's a surprise."

"Should I film it?"

"Oh absolutely," there was a glint in your husband's eye that for some reason caused you to become suspicious "we're never going to want to forget this."

You wanted to ask more, but then the lights went down and a thunder of applause. One of the sisters was standing just by the stage with a microphone in one hand and a notebook in the other, from which she read out "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Oak-field's Talent Extravaganza. Now, please put your hands together for Alice and her jumping juggling friends."

*******

"She's next, she's next!" You squired in your seat with impatience, excitement starting to bubble in your chest. Chris handed you his phone, and you set up the camera, propping it up on your bag so the performance could be filmed. "I'm nervous, why am I nervous she's doing the show not me. Oh gosh, I'm panicking-"

"Hon she's going to be fine!" But he still reached out and grabbed your hand, squeezing it in reassurance. His jiggling knee also gave it away that he too was feeling a little nervous, and that oddly calmed you a little.

The lights went down once more, and there was a smattering of polite applause. Lina walked out first, her smile full and confident, strutting over to her spot with rehearsed purpose before standing with her hand on her hip, poised. Connie, with her smaller physique and her curly hair already coming loose from her ponytail, gave the image of someone who was more reserved and shy. You watched her eyes rake the crowd before she caught your eye. You gave her a small wave; Chris lifted his arm so his thumbs up could be seen over the group. This reassurance caused Connie to nod in determination, before gripping her hand onto her hip, smiling widely. A click of the stereo and the slightly tinny sound of an old Judy Garland song started to play. This granted a nod of approval from Sister Margret. A very devout woman of the church who before the show had sent a list of songs and artists that were "recognised as inappropriate and would therefore not be tolerated." She was also a massive Judy Garland fan and had, therefore, lacked hesitation when putting the girls into the show. The CD stuttered, then the tinny backing track to "somewhere over the rainbow" rang out through the old speakers. The girls started their routine, slowly swaying back and forth, little voices sweet and nervous but to you the loveliest sound. You beamed widely, tears already clogging your eyes and pride burst through your chest. Everyone else saw the charm in it too; the grandparents in front of you cooed at each other about how cute she was. You wanted she lean over and say "she's my daughter," but that would distract you from the show.

A couple lines in, however, the music scratched, stuttered, and then stopped. The hall was silent. Both girls stood in stage, looking at each other and then back out into the audience. Your heart lept into your mouth. You tried to catch Connie's eye, but this was causing you to panic more. "We have to do something," you hissed to Chris.

"Just wait."

BAM! Bass blasted out of the speakers, shuddering the ground. Both girls grinned widely before throwing off the big jumpers they both wore, to reveal t-shirts decorated with flashing stars to match the socks they both pulled up to their knees. Horrified, you heard the lyrics to an all too familiar song.

'I was like

Good gracious- ass is bodacious

Flirting to show my patience

I'm waiting for the right time to shoot my steez….'

And without hesitation, both girls started dancing perfectly in time, jumping, sliding and turning, never missing a note as they lip-synced along. There was a roar of noise from the audience, a mixed response of anger and howling laughter. You turned to Chris, who was roaring with laughter, rolling back and forth on his chair, clapping loudly.

"You taught our daughter the lyrics to Hot in Here by NELLY?"

"But," Chris had to collect himself for a second he was laughing so hard "but doesn't she look great!"

"CHRISTOPHER!"

"It's a great song! Look, they're just coming up to the chorus." You turned back in time to see you, daughter, mouth the lyrics I am getting so hot right now, imma take my clothes off before throwing herself into a cartwheel. You were so shocked you burst out laughing, and then you couldn't stop. It was brilliant, they'd obviously spent hours on it. The audience was loving it too, most of their classmates cheering them in next to their slightly shell shocked but amused parents. The Sisters, on the other hand, looked horrified, Sister Margret was shaking in her seat, her face so stern it looked as if her forehead was about to crack in two. She started to feverishly whisper to the sister next to her. She jumped out of her seat and scurried behind the speakers, desperately trying to unplug them. Connie and Lina kept going, never missing any lyrics or steps. The speakers were eventually cut off, and the hall erupted into thundering applause. Chris stood up, whopping and pointing proudly at his daughter. "That's my girl! That's my daughter!" You laughed at his yells of pride and stood up with him, clapping widely. The lights went up, and Connie's eyes went straight to the pair of you. She was blushing, but when she saw you, she beamed and waved. A sister grabbed both of them by the shoulder and frog-marched them off stage to a waiting Sister Margaret. She beckoned Chris over too, and for the first time, Chris's jubilation faltered.

"I think I'm about to get told off."

********

"Again," Chris said for the fourth time "I am so sorry for getting you into trouble honey." Connie poked her head up from her giant bowl of ice cream.

"It's only a week of no break times Dad. Besides, it gives us time to learn our next dance."

"Next dance?" You frowned.

"Lina's older sister wants us to do another dance for her birthday, to a song called s&m?" Connie shrugged "should be fun."

Chris's eyes widened, but you shook your head. Maybe not tonight. Instead, he went up and refilled all your ice cream pots, putting on so many reeses pieces the ice cream was lost. It was Connie's favourite though, and she squealed in delight before tucking in once more.

"But I'm proud of you." Chris threw his arm over his daughter and brought her into his side, her head barely reaching his shoulder. He kissed her head and smiled proudly towards you "didn't she do amazing?"

"You did amazing," you smiled.

Connie blushed once more. "Lina was better at the dancing than me."

"Are you kidding? You got moves, kid! Just like your mother," Chris winked, this time causing your cheeks to tinge pink. Praise and jokes were exchanged until it was time for them to go, the streets cold and icy with snow. Although she was nearly 9, Chris hooked Connie by her armpits and swung her onto his shoulders, one hand holding onto her wriggling foot, so she didn't fall off. The other handheld yours, making sure he kept close to you as you gingerly walked in your heels to the car. The snow was still falling in from the sky, and it stuck to your coat and to Chris's beard and made Connie look like a little old woman, her hair was so white. She squealed in delight not caring, sticking her little pink tongue out, trying to catch any snowflakes. It was the perfect image, and you feel your heart warm, seeing your small family together.

'I haven't done something yet today," Chris suddenly said.

"What?"

Chris stopped you for a second to lean in and give you a quick kiss, his lips warm and slightly cracked. He broke then there was another, and then he brought your intertwined hands up to his lips to kiss your hand, where your matching wedding bands knocked against each other. There were flecks of white clinging to his eyelashes, and his eyes glittered from the string of lights everywhere. "I love you both so much."

"I love you too."

"Love you three times !" Connie smiled. You both chuckled and continued to walk towards the car "Love you four times" Chris retorted.

"Love you five times."

"Six times."

"Ten times."

"A hundred times."

"One Gazillion and three!" Connie yelled, her smile triumphant.

"Wow. One Gazillion and three," Chris smiled to you "we're pretty damn lucky."

You squeezed his hand. "We really are."

#chris evans x reader #chris evans x #chris evans imagine #Chris Evans #chris #imagine #chris evans x y/n #Chris Evans x you #chris Evans x reader #chris evans x ofc #Steve Rogers #steve x reader #steve rodgers x reader #captain america #fluffy #cute #fanfiction #love

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c-atm · 4 years

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Fighting Flirty: Character Select PT4 (Act 4.2)

A five minute break, and Alex discovers her muse

Ok, you two take five, and then we'll do some official art recreations," Alex announced, as she looked through the pictures on her camera. Her smile growing larger at each new pic "Ey, do you guys want every photo in an album or what?"

"Uhh?!" Steven started before turning to the woman on his lap.

"YES!" The eagerness in her voice caught Steven off guard. "I don't ever want to forget this feeling, this day, these moments," Connie added in a low admiring tone.

"Neither do I," he kissed her neck, getting her to squeal in delight.

"Well said." Alex agreed. "Still, it's hard not to think of you as a romantic couple, with the way you two carry-on and all this shipping gold in my hands." She sighed," If only I were an illustrator, instead of a photographer. You two would be perfect fanart subjects…Though I wonder if 'fanart' even works here in this pretense."

"Why wouldn't it?" Connie asked as she leaned back, caressing Steven's whiskered chin.

"Well, you're not fictional characters or celebrities. So maybe it'll just be art."

"I have, you know, you are in the presence of a very successful Tube-Tube star." Connie asserted, implying a prideful thumb at Steven, evoking a laugh from the hybrid and the slyest of smirks from the photographer.

"Is that so." Alex rubbed her chin, mischievously. "How many subscribers you gathered, Steven?"

"My personal channel is at 680+ thousand but ...Our s, meaning the channel Connie, I, and two of our friends run… Is at one-point-five million, last time I checked; haven’t been on either for a couple months or so. ."

"1.7 now on G-squared , and Your personal channel is at 700+ now, Mister." Connie interjected, "at least that's what I saw last time I went to the channels."

"How…Am I at 700+?!"

"Your vlogs have been used in compilations about traveling and self-betterment. While your people used your music in their 'Let's play's ' and ' AMV's '...I think there's even been a few memes and reenactments based on your stuff. There's a real popular source film of last year's panel at Kansas vid-con; during that game of 'scenarios,' we played with Daniel, Patricia, Jewels of Cal, Steve Da' Duck, and Akira Mas."

"Oh, I remember that," his eyes broaden in remembrance, "That was a fun game, and the audience loved it."

"I think they were surprised at your capacity for swearing and sarcasm and how smoothly it flowed out." She teased, getting a nod from Steven.

" I was just following the scenario, and I got a bit heated. Not like you were any better."

"True enough." She gave him a peck before turning to Alex, looking smug.

"Okay, okay, didn't know he was a big thing." Alex relented with a smirk, "gotta check out your pages then, Steven."

"Yes, you do that, subscribe too."

"Ok, miss proud wife."

Despite blushing a deep maroon, Connie leaned back into his hold and kept her smugness, " Go-go check the pictures."

Alex gave her an affirmative nod before doing just that. As she plugged up the camera to the nearby laptop, she heard Steven scream.

"I JUST REMEMBERED, YOU ALL WAS READY TO SACRIFICE ME TO CHUTHUL BY THE SECOND CHOICE!"

"BUT YOU BECAME A GOD!"

Alex looked over at them to see Steven ticking the woman in his lap as he simultaneously rained down kisses upon her neck, making her squeal in delight.

*click!*

Of course, she took a picture of the cuter scene. "I still don't get how you two are not together." She muttered." Maybe I can find out the full story later tonight…." She sighed, "oh god, I need a date or a 'jambud' of my own."

"Hey, Alex!"

She looked back over at the two to see Steven trying to get her attention

"Can you pass one of our phones, please!"

Alex looked over at the table and spotted the two devices, a darkish pink and a forest-blue. They both had a text notification. With a shrug, she picked them both up. "How well do you catch?"

"Not well enough to catch my phone!" Steven yelled.

"I am," Connie announced confidently.

"That's all I needed to hear."

With that, she grabbed both phones, a bit of masking tape, wrapped it around both, and launched them both.

"Oh, it's coming." She heard Connie's voice raised. The silence of the stage got her a bit worried.

"Got' em; thank you!" Steven called back.

"Welcome, now let me do this so we can get back to it," Alex expressed with a thumbs up, her eyes going over the pictures on the screen. 'These two could do some real couple modeling. Photogenicity aside, they just look excellent as a unit, and their body language towards each other is at the forefront. They come off as innocent yet impassioned, cute yet coquettish, loving yet libidinous.' Alex surmised as she gazed over the photos, selecting and adding them into both a folder.

"Hey, they came out beautifully."

"They really did. Thinking about adding a background." Alex looked up to see Wanda with a camera in her hand as she named the folder."What's up, boss lady?"

"Got a couple more for you to add."

Alex took the camera with an arched eyebrow, hooking it up to the laptop. Her teeth kissed as she looked at pictures. She placed her fingers on her lips, thumb under her chin, and slightly nodded her head. "These two… I want to see these two in the bride and groom looking just like this. We have to; they're just…"

"Yeah, I know," Wanda said as she looked at the pictures.

The first picture was Connie pulling up a video, most likely the video they spoke about prior; Connie was sitting in his cross-legged lap while Steven drooped his arms around Connie's shoulder comfortably. A firey, determined look in her raven eyes and on her face as she tried to find the video. On the other hand, Steven's attention was all on her.

His smile was small but so genuine. Full of pure love and affectionate pride for the woman, treasuring her, favoring her, adoring her..all with his deep brown-eyed gaze. All without her being aware.

The next photo was its companion and mirror in away. Connie seemed to have found the video by the mid-chuckle grin that threatened to split his face. Phone in his hand, head on her shoulder. Utterly oblivious to the goings-on beside him. The gaze his best-friend was giving him.

'And what a gaze it is.' Alex mused.

Connie's eyes were half-lidded, her mouth a relaxed grin, and to the untrained eye or someone who hasn't been around these two for more than an hour, they would have written off as merely teasing, and they would be wrong.

That expression radiated exceptional pride, heartfelt tenderness, and limitless affection for the man beside her. The unbridled joy and the way he was the only one in those raven orbs was something to be envious of.

"How?"

Wanda looked at her employee in question.

"How can two people, not in a relationship, look at each other like that? With such…

"Reverence and intimacy."

Alex nodded. "The way they act and such is one thing...but..this. These seconds….These moments caught in between the playing and teasing..."

"You seemed quite taken with them, Alex."

Alex looked at her witch adorned boss with a bit of a scowl. "It's not like that...It's not just them… More like. I'm intrigued by what they have. This thing..this type of romance..naw too weak...this bond..they won't or can't name...It's..ugh!"

Wanda laughed. "Alex, you just accidentally found your muse." Before she could continue, her phone rang. "Gotta take this. Alex, get ready for the next shoot. We are actually behind time and have more costumes to try." Wanda ordered gently with a wink before pulling her phone out the top of her costume. "Hello? miss Jewels, yes, we'll be ready for you tomorrow..yeah ..yes. "

Alex sighed as she got up from the desk and got her camera before walking over to the two. She paused at the scene, feeling a surge of excitement.

"Why am I the one getting sacrificed…Again?" Steven's voice could be heard through the phone, annoyed and desperate, and also trying not to laugh.

"It's not personal, it was a majority vote, and you're kind of suspicious, Traitor." A feminine voice answered.

"Screw you, Jewels!" Steven answered as everyone in the audience and on stage laughed, "You're the one sabotaging us, literally try to drag the party into the room called 'your soulmate is 50% Zach Callison and 50% hamilton."

"Better than the, 'everything you love is canceled' room."

"AT LEAST WE GOT A KEY IN THAT ROOM."

As Steven cackled at the admittedly horrible animation, Connie leaned upon him, gazing up at him with eyes full of bottomless adoration. This close lip smile displayed her protectiveness for him. It was an expression of accomplishment as if she was watching a dream come true or something she fought so hard for finally came to fruition. A treasure she had searched for and would stake everything she had to keep.

It told a story of the hard times and struggles they had to go through without saying anything. If seeing him be so relaxed and carefree, place something so determined and passionate on her face.

Well, she'd be a fool not to take its picture.

*click!*

#steven universe #connie maheswaran #connverse #steven universe future #steven universe fanfiction #steven and connie #older steven #older connie #connverse fanfic #fighting flirty #character select #flirty fluff #original characters #candid shot

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honestlyhufflepuff · 4 years

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A Discourse on Belly Buttons

Jam Week Day 2: Humanity. Word count: 1080. Takes place shortly after the events of Steven’s Birthday in S2.

***

Connie was flopped in the sand, arms stretched above her head as she gazed at the night sky. Her blouse fell just above her navel, and Steven found himself staring.

“Steven? Are you ok?”

He jerked his eyes away, realizing it might be weird of him to be looking at her exposed midriff so intently, “Oh yeah, I’m sorry! I just was wondering what it’s like.”

“What?”

“To um,” he cleared his throat, “to have a belly button. I know that sounds weird.”

“Oh,” she sat up on one of her elbows and looked down at the small dip in her tummy that every human had, “I’ve never really thought about it. You can’t feel it or anything. Sometimes they get lint in them.”

“Oh yeah! Dad gets a lot of lint in his because it’s so hairy. He used to let me pick it out when I was really little and pretend I was a monkey grooming him for bugs!”

“Ha, ew!” Connie stuck out her tongue, “I guess they are kind of odd when you think about it. We all have scars from being nourished in the womb.”

Steven clutched at his gem through his shirt and stared at his lap.

“Steven,” Connie asked, “Do you feel bad? About not having a belly button?”

“Sometimes? I mean, I don’t know. It seems silly. It’s not like your belly button gives you any cool powers like my gem does. I don’t know why I feel bad about that, but I do.”

Connie sat up to face Steven, “I don’t think it’s silly. Your powers are cool, but your gem is the main thing that marks you as something other than human, right? I’m sure that can feel really isolating sometimes.”

“I guess that’s it.” He pulled his knees to his chest, “Hey, you know that thing you and my dad do?”

“What thing?”

“You know, like whenever he teaches you about gem stuff you guys say ‘human beings’ and give each other a little high five. I’ve always wanted to join in when you guys do that, but I don’t know if I’m allowed to.”

“Oh, Steven. I’m so sorry. We weren’t trying to make you feel left out or-“

“No, no, it’s ok.” He waved his hand frantically and then fell silent.

“You are human, Steven. You cry and bleed and feel and change. Belly button or not, you’re human.”

“I’m a half human,” he said flatly.

“I don’t think that’s how humanity works. You are a whole human, and a whole gem. Fused together.”

He laughed, “Well put. Garnet would be proud to hear you tell it like that.”

“I guess she’s rubbed off on me! And it’s true.”

“I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to grow up with you during my birthday party, ever since Dad mentioned that I just stopped growing.”

“You got that chin hair, though.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty encouraging. I still look half my age, though. So, am I just going to look like an eight-year-old with a beard while you’re in college?”

Connie giggled at the thought, “Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. I meant what I said, Steven. It doesn’t matter to me what age you look like. I’ll always want to be a part of your Universe. We can hang out whether you’re a baby or an old man!”

“Well yeah, hanging out is one thing, but what about other stuff?”

“Other stuff?”

“Hmm, I don’t know if I should tell you. It’s stupid.”

“Come on, please? It’s just me! I want to know what’s on your mind.”

He cleared his throat, and his voice cracked with a little squeak, “You really liked when you thought I was taller than you. I could reach all this stuff for you. And you kept leaning your head on my shoulder and I just felt good. At least, I did before I blew it and turned into a baby.”

“Steven, you know-“

“And I know you’re not vain enough to think looks matter much, but maybe I am. Because-” he wiped the dampness from his eyes, “-because maybe I just want to feel like you think I’m handsome!”

“Steven! I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. I’m not even 13 yet! I’ve never thought of anyone as handsome before.”

Steven’s cheeks flushed beet red, unable to stop his avalanche of thoughts, “Yeah, well what if we want to have kids someday? I don’t want to look younger than Steven Jr!”

“Oh!” Connie went rigid, her cheeks flushing as well, “Ok, first of all, we’re way too young to think of that.”

“Aren’t you the one who likes to plan ahead?”

“Not that far ahead! We haven’t even watched that video in health class of the lady going into labor yet. I’ve heard it’s like a horror film.”

Steven shuddered, remembering a very shocking tape Onion showed him recently, “Yeah, take it from someone older and wiser, avoid that video for as long as you care about preserving your childhood.”

“Umm yeah,” Connie hesitated, “we’re definitely gonna need to unpack that for another conversation.”

“Nope.”

She shook her head, “Anyways, back on track. Didn’t you also say Steven Jr. was a goat?”

“Oh yeah. I should check on my son.”

Connie snickered, and Steven gave her a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry if I’m weirding you out.” He laid his head on her shoulder, “Talking about kids and all that stuff. I just overthink things sometimes.”

“Well, it’s normal for you to worry about the future. Or about what it has the potential to be. I kind of know what I want for my future because I have two human parents to model after. Gems emerge knowing everything they need to know for their whole existence. But you? There’s never been anyone like you, so there’s no way to know what your future could be like.”

“Another thing I’ve heard from Garnet a lot.”

She reached up to his head, sinking her fingers into his hair. “But hey, what I do know about your future is that I want to be a part of it in some way. Do you think that can be enough? For now?”

He sighed, his body relaxing as her fingertips massaged through his thick curls, “It’s definitely enough. Thank you.”

She raised her hand in the air, “Human Beings?”

A grin split across Steven’s face as he sat up and pressed his hand to hers, “Human Beings.”

#jamweek #connverse #fun fact: the belly button lint story is actually a true story between my own father and i #i know it's gross but that game was fun as heck #i was a 90's kid i didn't have a smart phone ok?#we had to make do with what we had #like belly button lint #lizzywrites

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sharethisgemwithme · 5 years

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Zach and Grace Friday panel at Connecticon 2019

Some highlights and notes from the "Growing Up with Steven Universe" panel featuring Zach Callison and Grace Rolek, Friday afternoon at Connecticon 2019. There are some promo spoilers. Most quotes are approximate from the notes I took on my phone. There may be a recording of the panel, but the camera was blocked by the audience question line for a while and when I got to the front of the line, I saw it wasn't even pointed at Zach and Grace.

Sorted into broad categories:

Movie hype / spoilery talk

Host asked about the poster. Zach said he's kinda looked at it, but not studied it closely. Grace: "Spoiler alert, someone has a neck." Zach: "That's all anyone can talk about."

What's the hardest scene to record that you've done. Zach: "I hate to do this but the hardest scene I've done I did a few weeks ago and I can't talk about it for quite a while." [audience groans]

Audience member: "I have a question about the movie." Zach makes police siren noises, "Oh no the Cartoon Network spoiler police!"

Attempts to get even small details were denied. "So we saw you have a neck. Is your voice going to change?" [pause] Zach: "A week from today (Friday), there's a big panel and there's gonna be a bunch of stuff. I recommend you watch."

This was earlier in the day, when I met Zach in the autograph line. Me: "I'm really looking forward to all the stuff that's gonna come out next week in San Diego." Zach: "There's so much. I'm not going to be there, after six years of going, I need a vacation."

Zach makes ABUNDANTLY clear how excited he is for what's coming up, "I am thrilled with what they've done after CYM."

Reaction to the new gems from CYM. Zach: "Sunstone is one of my favorites now. Like an after-school camp counselor." Grace: "Obsidian is one of the hardest secrets I've ever had to keep on this show." They finished recording CYM in 2017!

Have you ever cried in the recording booth? Zach: "Over a dozen times. One time really badly... with something that hasn't come out yet."

What's the biggest theme you've taken from the show? Zach: "I'm really sorry to do this, but I'm gonna skip this question because the theme I take away is something that hasn't come up in the show yet." He says the show has become intensely personal to him and his experiences, both intentionally and unintentionally, and says if he accidentally gave hints as to upcoming themes, it wouldn't be fair to the crew. (This probably ties in with some of the stuff below under “Outside of SU”)

Favorites and funniest

What's the hardest scene to record that you've done. Among stuff that's aired, Zach: Storm in the Room. Connie: "Either Nightmare Hospital or Full Disclosure when Connie is like 'Stop ghosting me, Steven!' "

What are some funny moments from recording? The opening scene from "Winter Forecast", the directors INSISTED on real marshmallows, "nothing else would do". Grace: "And these were not small. There's jumbo and then there's novelty size." Zach: "They got novelty size." Grace: "I could barely fit one inside my mouth."

Favorite episode (this question might've had a "besides the Big Plot episodes" caveat).

Zach: "Onion Gang. Any of the weird Onion episodes."

Grace: "I realize this is an unpopular opinion but I love the Ronaldo episodes. I have a Keep Beach City Weird sticker on my laptop. I don't like having stuff that's too overtly Steven Universe because I don't like to toot my own horn, but KBCW is great because it's 'if you know, you know'." Zach: "It's a lifestyle."

That segued into talk about "Rocknaldo", which Zach thought was hilarious, especially the way CN trolled everyone with the Bloodstone promo. Grace "Was that the one where Ronaldo tried to kill someone in the basement?" Discussion brings up that's "Horror Club". Grace continues, "That was a great one, like what are we DOING? No one went to jail for this?"

Favorite songs:

First, ones that they did.

Zach said "Let's Only Think About Love". I think he added a second one, but my notes say “or” and then stop there so I think I moved on to the next bit and forgot what else he said.

Grace says "Of course 'Do it for Her'" but also that she loved providing background harmonies for "Escapism". "Aly and AJ was the first concert I ever went to, so to do back-up vocals for AJ was the greatest fangirl moment." (There’s been some confusion as to whether Zach and Grace had vocals on that song, it’s now clear that they did)

Then, overall. Zach immediately sings "It's over, isn't it? Isn't it over?" Grace grumbles that she can't take the same answer, so she throws out "Stronger Than You".

"Back in the start of the show, it was a lot more lighthearted. What's the funniest or weirdest line you had to record?" Zach IMMEDIATELY goes into voice: "A boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend the whole day wackering." Grace enjoyed her line from "Open Book": "Of course you like the ending, you LOVE schmultz."

Pivoting into the weirdness of early episodes, Zach says "Frybo and Cat Fingers were back to back, 5 and 6. I don't know how anyone stuck with the show after that."

What's the biggest theme you've taken from the show? Grace: "I think about Mindful Education all the time. Here Comes a Thought is such a great song but also an important mantra."

Other than Uncle Grandpa, what crossover would you like to do? Zach: "I wanna be the very best!" Audience cheers. Grace says she would've loved to do "Adventure Time".

This segues into a joke that people confuse Zach for Jeremy Shada (Finn), in some cases even when Zach is standing in front of a poster that says ZACH CALLISON. Grace says that her boyfriend loves the joke so much that Zach is listed in his phone as "Jeremy Shada".

Behind the scenes

What was it like seeing the show blow up the way it did? Grace: "I used to go on Tumblr and read all the posts, all the reactions people had, but after Jail Break... couldn't do that anymore." Zach: "I poke my head into a reddit every once in a while."

What's it like in the booth with the rest of the cast? Grace: "Deedee and Michaela always get to do the funniest things."

Discussion of how voice acting lends them a little more anonymity than live-action, and there's still a spectrum of how recognizable people are.

Grace recounts a story from earlier in the day, possibly on the way to that very panel. "The elevator was pretty crowded and I was able to get on but Zach wasn't. And as soon as it closed, one of the other people in the elevator was like 'Oh my god, Zach Callison almost got on the elevator with us!' And I was like 'Oh my god, that would've been so cool!'"

Both Zach and Grace recounted times when they've greeted stranger wearing SU apparel and gotten blank stares in response, like, "Uh, yeah, what's your point?"

Zach: "As of Sunday, I'm leaving the country to be a hobo for a bit." He's flying to Siberia, then taking a 62-hour train ride to get on a boat to Korea, where he plans to visit the Korean animation studio where SU is drawn (as seen in "Steven's Dream"), something almost no actors do (apparently Michaela was more or less the first to do so, for any show at all).

Sometimes Grace will have a lot of "catching up" to do with the plot. "One time Rebecca was like 'oh by the way Lars is pink now." Zach jokes, "Lars is pink, Ronaldo and Pearl are married, oh and Steven is dead."

Have you ever cried in the recording booth? Zach: "Over a dozen times." Grace says she has, sometimes in group records.

More joking around: "Yes, I'm Zach Callison, the voice of Onion. I'll be in my booth." "You should have a print that's just Onion." "With the flames behind him."

What were your auditions like? Grace: "I was reading the sides from 'Bubble Buddies', and Connie is worried she's gonna die with no friends and I was like 'This is a kids show? This is a show for children and I'm supposed to say these words?!'" She saw Rebecca Sugar's name attached to the show, which she recognized as a fan of Adventure Time, particularly Marceline "I'm edgy like her!"

Audience member starts her question: "Ohmygod, my heart is in my ass. Wait, can I say ass?" Grace: "You can say whatever you want, you're not under the thumb of Time Warner." Zach: "Technically, I've never signed any NDA. Oh hell, I'm leaving the country in three days. ACT ONE!" [laughter, and he does not continue with joke spoilers]

Outside of Steven Universe

Tell us about yourself outside of Steven Universe. Zach: "I'm a dirty rowdy hippie." He goes to music festivals barefoot (but not urban ones).

Zach talked about some of the over-the-top scenes he's been in or seen on "The Goldbergs", where he plays a minor recurring character, including one where the actual rain they were filming in wasn't enough, so the producers dumped thousands of gallons of additional rainwater on the cast.

Zach said he hasn't auditioned for anything new in a while (I think he said at least a year) because of burnout. Whenever SU may end, he's ready for a break. Following on with that, discussion of what a shitty industry Hollywood is, especially for kids.

Zach: "A lotta people (in this industry), their big break is a show they hate, and that kills me to think that. And it couldn't be further from the truth for anyone in SU. If I had booked a live-action sitcom that ran six seasons, I wouldn't be here. I'd be in a much darker place."

What would you be doing if not this?

Zach: "I enrolled in college, signed up for things, never went to class, and eventually dropped out. I never had any other plan." Ties into further discussion of what an absolute nightmare Hollywood is for kids, that some of his friends from high school are no longer around.

Grace: "I went to college for two years (she would've graduated this spring), trying to make sure I had a plan B lined up. But flying back and forth from San Francisco to Los Angeles was getting ridiculous and I realized I wasn't being fair to my plan A."

#connecticon #steven universe #zach callison #grace rolek

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introvertguide · 4 years

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Nashville (1975); AFI #59

Our current movie is probably the most difficult to categorize or summarize, the Robert Altman satire comedy drama musical known as Nashville (1975). The film was nominated for 5 Academy Awards and 11 Golden Globes, but only won a single trophy at both ceremonies and both were for Best Song (Keith Carradine with “I’m Easy”). The eleven GG nominations was a record, but this was likely because the film had four nominations in the Best Supporting Actress category. This result is somewhat appropriate as the actors really did not get enough time to really stand out except for in their singing, and the academy really did not know what to do with the performances. Same with Best Picture and Best Director (for which the film was also nominated). The artistic merit is there and so is the story, but a lot of it is what director Robert Altman allowed to happen and recognized as beautiful as he went so it is hard to put the movie into standard categories. Not to rule out the competition, the film went up against One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Jaws that year so there was not a lot of chance along the awards circuit. Now I am going to summarize, but I am not going to break down much because there is far too much going on in this film with 24 main characters and all the different plots. Even Roger Ebert said he didn’t completely understand the film, but that it was not likely meant to be completely understood. So here is my best effort to at least put this wriggling puppy of a movie into a manageable basket:

SPOILERS??? I THINK...I AM NOT REALLY SURE IF I AM SPOILING, GUESSING, OR MISLEADING, BUT HERE WE GO!!!

The movie is set in the city of Nashville that is prepping for a presidential campaign stop that will be accompanied by a country music festival. In the days leading up to the rally for a new reform nominee, a bunch of country singers come together to perform. These artists are accompanied by their management, a variety of groupies, and a large number of up-and-comers looking to get discovered. In amongst this group are also journalists, politicians, and aids trying to organize the whole event.

The movie begins with a mass of characters all showing up at the airport to meet people or greet the public. Of special note is the return of Barbara Jean (Ronee Blakely), a country singer from Nashville that was in an accident in which she got burned and is still recovering mentally. She is greeted at the airport by a country music staple named Haven Hamilton (Henry Gibson). Barbara Jean promptly goes of script and decides that she is going to go and great all of her fans that are being held in the airport building and she suddenly passes out. In the melee that follows everyone trying to leave the airport at the same time, there is a car accident that causes more interactions amongst the characters.

Another band that showed up at the same time is a folk trio made up of a couple and a guitarist named Tom (Keith Carradine). Tom is a womanizer and sleeps with many of the women who have gathered, including his bandmate, a reporter, a married gospel singer, and a groupie.

Barbara Jean goes to the hospital for heat exhaustion and she is replaced by a girl that seems linked with Haven Hamilton named Connie White (Karen Black) for a performance at the Grand Ole Opry. Also performing is a black country singer who does not seem to get his due respect in Tennessee.

There are a lot more characters and a lot more scenes, but I am not about to try break down every single plot line. Mounting tension amongst everyone in an attempt to gain the spotlight, even for a second, builds up to the day of the country folk festival. The line up has the entire cast together in one place and as the festival starts, Barbara Jean sings and she is suddenly shot by a quiet character in the crowd that is a big fan. The movie ends as a singer steps up to the stage and sings to calm the crowd down, giving her a moment to shine in the tragedy that befell another.

There is quite the mix of genres in this movie because there are definitely set jokes making it a comedy, there is competition and betrayal making it a drama, there is over an hour of singing performances so it is also a musical, and it is set in a parody of the American political system making it a satire. I watched quite a few interviews with Robert Altman to try and get a better idea of his intentions and I am not sure that he knew what the film was beyond a panoramic observation of a Nashville music festival and all the drama and comedy that brought it together. He seems exceptionally elusive when categorizing his film and it seems obvious that he didn’t want that. The film is supposed to be more of an experience than a linear story, which makes the film complicated beyond the simplicity of the music.

Here is where I might get some hate and I kind of don’t care because it is a personal thing. I have not found that I like country or bluegrass music in general so this particular soundtrack did not do a lot for me. I especially did not like that this is amateur hour as many of the actors (some of whom could not sing) did all of their own music. This made some of the music interludes down right painful. If it were not in my watching rules to not skip ahead, I would have taken a good hour off the run time from all of the exceptionally bad numbers. However. In the long run I am glad I stuck to my rules because I heard 3 songs that I love. I will link those 3 first and I will also link the song that won the Oscar:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm8PwXOHNPs (Dues) This is sung by actress and professional singer Ronee Blakely. It is the character’s first singing appearance after an accident so she is a little shaky. She is singing about a failing relationship and how there is a desire to stay and try to fix things to what they used to be. Very powerful and she truly has a great voice. I really like this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NToTcTiX66g (Since You’ve Gone) This song is right before the award winner and the chorus is a mesh of voices that all sound in pain but still harmonically satisfying, This is my favorite song in the movie as it brings a trio on stage where the woman is married to one member but having an affair with the other. I really believe that this song should have been the one that won the Oscar if it was going to come from this film.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BYyDusJYJo (It Don’t Worry Me) This was another song that was written by Keith Carridine besides the Oscar winner that was sold to Altman. It is played many times throughout the film, but I think that the best version is when a talented singing character is looking for a break and suddenly is tasked with calming the crowd after the tragedy at the primary. She sings so woefully with a heavy dose pain and ends up sounding like Janis Joplin. A church choir backs her up and it ends the movie in a similar way to how “Let the Sunshine In” ends Hair (lots of repetition with a growing number of voices and variation).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6y47KcuI4Y (I’m Easy) This seems like a point of intersection for most of the characters in the film and Altman said in many interviews that he bought the song from Carradine before the plot of the movie fully existed. It seems like Altman had the start of the movie from notes by his writing partner Carol Tewksbury and the end where all the characters are at the music festival. The song did win the Oscar and Golden Globe for best song for Carridine but the tune doesn’t impress me. It seems more important to the movie plot since four different women in the room think that the song is in reference to them. Fine plot point, but a boring song for me.

So does this film belong on the AFI Top 100? Well, I guess so, but maybe not such a high ranking. It is a slice of Americana set in Nashville featuring a very American style of music during an American election. All the characters were very American in the 70s (except the British one). And it was a pretty good movie with a lot happening and special care to the craft. However, the #59 movie in 1997 was Rebel Without a Cause while Nashville was not on the list at all and then that switched completely in 2007. I liked this better than Ben-Hur so I suppose this movie could be on the list, but Nashville should not replace such an iconic American film as Rebel Without a Cause. Finally, would I recommend it? That really depends on the viewer. The movie is very long and has a lot of very complicated plot threads, some of which go nowhere. I can’t say somebody would like it based on the performance of a specific actor or character because 24 people split up the screen time. Being interested in country music, politics, or the lifestyle of the road musician doesn’t mean you will like this movie either. I would recommend this to those who are interested in film making and story development because the ability to incorporate so many things through shot choice, angles, and overlapping dialogue is pretty phenomenal. I don’t think I will watch it again, but it is probably worth checking out for the experience. I like my movies with a little more plot structure, but that is just me. People in the business would probably love this.

#nashville #robert altman #afi film list #70s #country music #folk music #keith carradine #soundtrack #introvert #introverted

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destiny-smasher · 5 years

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I used to be close friends with one of the composers for Steven Universe. I watched them rise from a YouTube remixer living in a cramped bedroom in a shared apartment with nothing but a mattress on the floor and a keyboard beside it to owning a house, happily married with a whole backyard garden and a cat because they found success working on one of the biggest cartoon shows I’ve known. But they broke off that friendship earlier this year and it’s made my biased love for Steven Universe become very difficult to grasp with. Understanding how and why we weren’t friends anymore was likewise difficult to grasp, even after hours of us trying to hash things out and resolve it. And while we DID resolve things amicably (I hope) and peacefully, it wasn’t until Steven Universe: The Movie that I was really able to feel like I could see the forest from the trees and ‘get’ what happened. This will be a kind of review of the movie, but mostly it became more of a personal ramble relating my real life experiences with Aivi to those of characters within SU, especially the antagonist of the Movie. This is lifted from this Twitter thread, so it was originally written stream of consciousness and I’m sharing it here to keep it more readable and archived. This is a bit of a read so tucking it behind a ‘read more.’

"You keep on turning pages for people who don't care about you And still it takes you ages to see that no one's there Everyone's gone on without you"

Time to finally talk about the #StevenUniverse Movie. Strap in 'cause this gon' get personal.

It should go without saying BUT I am gonna be talking about the movie! Dunno how in detail per se but I can't properly say what I wanna say without diving into some of the important plotty stuff. So yea.

Don't read this thread if ya don't want #spoilers #sumovie

First off, I wanna talk about what this movie does well. Going in, I had heard it was framed like a musical. And I wasn't sure how I felt about that idea, though it wasn't surprising. After all, the 'musical' style episodes tend to resonate quite a lot.

I think they work great when it's one song in a 10 minute episode, but an hour and a half of songs? I wasn't sure how well that would go. Turns out, pretty well. This is due to many factors but primarily the variety of song styles and art styles used throughout. Basically every scene has a primary song that drives it home, and basically all of them have a different genre/tone as well as visual presentation style. A lot of work went into getting it all to work together and feel cohesive. TBH for me personally the main highlight of the movie was honestly the animation. Average TV goers might just see "yup sure looks like a cartoon" but on the whole, on average, the movie is CLEARLY animated and framed with much more dynamism and detail than the majority of SU. Getting to see these characters we've gotten to know over the past few years a couple years in the future, generally at peace with things, but animated with more detail than ever, THAT is the true highlight of the film for me. Naturally, there was a lot of bits of comedy, often relying on knowledge of what the characters have been through, and I felt a lot of bittersweet smiles throughout as this felt like a good send off for Steven and his Space Moms. It managed to work in cameos from basically everyone you'd expect, some of which...didn't work out as well as others (specifically, the Diamonds bookending the movie was a bit forced and weird IMO but they ARE important to the lore even if I find them boring tbh) It was nice getting to 'catch up' with everyone, and the plot itself uses a generic 'gotta save the world again' thing (bleh) in a creative way, at least -- it all becomes an excuse to "re-live" the four primary heroes' stories through song. Cool enough. Something the movie inadvertently highlights, however, is the fact that SU as a series really started spinning its wheels a lot for its second half, in particular. Much has been said about how and why and why or not this doesn't matter, etc. etc. I was just along for the ride. I've repeatedly expressed my personal bias in the series' favor for a long time, and now? I kinda don't really have that personal bias anymore. I still love the show, I still think it's one of the best cartoons I've ever seen. But those rose-tinted glasses are off now. Taking said glasses off and actually listening to and looking up what critics of the show had to say kind of unearthed a bunch of things I had kept sweeping under the rug for the sake of personal bias/support of someone I loved and cared for a lot. We'll get back to that. I say all of this because the movie ironically failed to do much of anything NEW, something the series itself kind of struggled with for a while until it finally got around to the conclusion of Steven's story arc. The film ultimately kind of ends with "yeah Steven can change!" Which, um yea? Obviously. He's a completely different person than he was in S1. But he's kiiiiinda been the same person for....some while now. The weird irony of SU as a series is that about halfway through the narrative, the protag has essentially grown up, done. The last half or third or so of SU's narrative was basically Steven having to cheer everyone around him up and help them deal with their shit, and...kinda just going about that essentially the same way every time. The power of love, the friends we made along the way, etc. To be clear, there's nothing BAD about this, and in fact it's what sets Steven apart from most every other narrative of this type. The protag is almost always forced to change in ways they don't want, do things they don't want to do, etc. But when you put it side by side with something like Avatar or Gravity Falls, those series saw everyone growing alongside each other. There are clear arcs for everyone, almost all of which get resolved in ways fitting each character. It's imperfect but it's varied. SU has a tendency to just...hammer everyone's character flaws and arcs with ONE option: just love yourself and be nice, and everyyyyyyythinggggg 'll work out in the end! Which is fine, but when a story does it for so long, over and over, always the same, it gets a bit weird. I specifically LIKED in the film, at the end, that Steven actually does have to fight, because THAT is what Spinel needed to do. She needed to let out all of that anger, and that violence was her own way of doing it. 'you can't just sing a song to make everything go away' etc. It's typical, perhaps, for protagonists to have to tackle problems in different ways because that's LIFE. The fact is, Steven's approach will NOT save everyone. Lapis stilllll kinda stands as an example of this but an as of yet unresolved one. I liked that at the end of things, Spinel still doesn't come into the same fold as everyone else. Basically "sorry, I already fucked this up too much, I can't really deal with this," and that is IMPORTANT and I really liked it. Before really digging into the personal angle, I want to bring up how fascinating it is that the movie essentially had a real BUDGET and so they deliberately seemed to design an antagonist that would take full advantage of that animation budget. EASILY, by far, Spinel is the most interesting-to-watch antag in the whole series imo, in terms of how she moves and fights, etc. They really just wanted to flex and they did it, but like any SU antag there's (somewhat predictable) motives. This gets back at what I was saying before -- how the series spins its wheels a lot -- but Spinel's motivation/back story isssss kiiiinnndaaaa a lot like many many characters' issues and, like, I get it. We get it. Steven's Mom was Not The Best does that have to be the basis behind kinda EVERYONE who goes against Steven? Or the Gems? Lapis, Bismuth, and Peridot all offered more varied motivations, and even THEN, Bismuth was still essentially in the same boat? Anyway, I digress. I DO appreciate the way the series set up Rose as this wondrous lovely lady and has severely dissected and broken that down to the point where I really do not like Rose, in any of her ID's, as a character or a fictional person, and it did so gradually. A lot of what the movie did was kind of expected. Right? Songs, singing, check. Steven going about things the same way, check. Re-living/celebrating how far he and his moms have come, check. What I didn't expect was -- OK, well, there WAS that one fusion...which, um

But the actual thing that really latched onto me was how much I conncted with Spinel. As is the case with any story that has well presented characters, you can attach to SOME part of just about all of them. I associate most closely with Pearl overall but can relate with just about anyone prominent. I see parts of me and Jenny in Steven/Connie, in Ruby/Sapphire, in Peridot/Lapis. I see what kind of woman I might've become in Amethyst (and sometimes am). Spinel, though, is a really weird case because I see my adolescent self in her SO MUCH and yet fairly recent events in my life -- directly tied TO the show itself, mind you -- make that connection weirdly poignant and present. For some context, I used to be good friends with Aivi, one of the musicians who works on the series with their husband. Spring 2018, Aivi and I vocalized to each other that we considered one another one of the closest friends in each other's lives. We're no longer friends. To make sure this is clear, I think Aivi is a wonderful person, and our breaking apart wasn't violent or dramatic or anything, Aivi just...decided they weren't interested in the relationship anymore. And neglected to tell me this until like a year later. The context is of course not at ALL as severe or dramatic as Spinel/Pink, so please don't assume there's some one-to-one there. But OOF are there some harsh similarities and it really made Spinel's backstory sting in a very confusing way. I say 'confusing' because, as I mentioned, I see my adolescent self in Spinel. The way I was going about making friends matches her 'happy' self. The way I acted in my senior year of college matches her 'angry' self. There was no single person that created any of that, though. In high school, I was like Starfire, in college, I tried to nurture that, play to my strengths. I failed miserably. And what I feel is a big part of why is inherently tied to my transitioning (which is, still, something I feel I am failing miserably at). By the end of college I was more like Raven, and there I remained through the duration of my first long-term romance, into a very weird and atypical marriage and breakup, and then I moved to CA and started changing. Fittingly, my current self can't quite ID with any single Teen Titan. I'm not a teen anymore, after all. Throughout a lot of my friendship with Aivi, they really seemed to fixate on comparing me to Pearl. It sometimes made me uncomfortable the particular ways they did, though. I strongly identified with Pearl's flaws and strengths in personality (though we're obviously different people), and so seeing Pearl go through redemption via self-love and self-acceptance meant a lot to me. "It's Over, Isn't It?" I was IN THE ROOM listening to Aivi and their husband work on the chorus to that song. Obviously they couldn't talk about it but I knew damn well what it was about, and anticipated that piece for a long time. Now it's even more weirdly painful. I met Aivi because they made Mario arrangements they put on YouTube and they happened to live a few blocks away when I was subletting my first summer in CA. They seemed very kind and caring and eager to Be Nice and at the time I really needed that at a very vulnerable and fragile time in my life so I latched onto that. -In The Garden- The week when the LiS terfs freaked out on me and that Bad Spinel side of me lashed back, and I found myself suffering from being gaslit and facing the fact that the worst part of myself that Trigon in Raven's mind that Angry Spinel was still THERE was still ME It was too much For the first (and thankfully, only) time in my life, I experienced suicidal thoughts. And Aivi REACTED to that shit. Strongly. In a way no one ever had for me before, ever. They drove across the Bay to my house, picked me up, had me over, and helped me process it. And in the months to come, as I was healing and coming to terms with how That Worst Part of Me That I Wanted to BE RID OF was still THERE and apparently could just fucking show up, through all of that, Aivi helped me work through things, and we really bonded. In retrospect, though, it's SO damned hard for me to tell if Aivi and I became so close because of mutual respect or pity or just conditioned behavior to Be Nice and Keep Up Appearances. I dunno. What I know NOW is that apparently Cost More than I would've thought. I'm not Aivi so I don't want to really dig into 'dirt' (again, Aivi is a great person who works very hard and that's WHY their work is so good) but looking back, it's wild to see their progression into SUCCESS and fame while I just stood by, floundering The thing is, Aivi was a super busy person. We barely got to spend time together -- when we DID, it was a multi-hour affair and apart from like, Jenny, Aivi is prolly the person I've had the deepest, most vulnerable conversations with. They were next to me when I realized 'oh huh I'm maybe trans??' because they were there when I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I never ASKED them to be there, to Be So Nice and as it turns out, Being So Nice is harder than it looks. So to kind of loop this back to the movie, I wasn't some Skullgirls Peacock Cuphead grinny goof or anything like that but I AM WILLING to bet that from Aivi's POV the way Happy Spinel acts toward Steven is prolly how I felt in Aivi's life at points, at the least. The irony is that we would go weeks, months, barely interacting. But looking back, the way Aivi talked about things, the same phrase keeps dominating my mind: Aivi got bored of me. I wasn't 'useful' to them anymore. Aivi said that day in spring 2018 was like 'the climax' of our friendship, or something like that. Way they talked about it was like...the finale of a season of TV. Our character arc together was over. Even though we TALKED about it, came to mutual understandimng of The Logic behind Aivi's decision to cut ties, I don't think it ever REALLY made sense to me, how Aivi must've felt about our friendship, until Spinel. By spring of 2019, my role in Aivi's life -- from what they have told me, from what I can perceive -- was more like I existed in a separate space from the rest of their life. I was that one interesting person always waiting in The Garden for them to visit when they felt like it Because while Aivi had gotten BIG, gotten MARRIED, gotten a HOUSE, found legitimate SUCCESS in their creative field I was still poor still stuck in retail still unable to find an audience still unable to understand the pressures of Success And OOOOFFF in those last couple years, interacting became more and more strained for both of us, from opposite ends of things. Aivi had responsibilities, PEOPLE vying for their attention, people wanting to hire them, projects to complete, a house, a spouse, etc etc My life was (and kiiiinda still is?) nothing like that, and as our Mutual Creatives Struggling to MAKE THINGS and Get By transforming into Yep I Am Still Here but you are SUCCESSFUL I think that really put a lot of strain on things I never accepted until Spinel. After Aivi hit it big with SU, in particular, they gradually started...acting differently. Acting in ways that made less and less sense to me. They were a Diamond now. And I was still just what I was. When drawing comparisons to characters on the show, Aivi persistently compared me to Pearl. A fact I once took pride in. They repeatedly compared themself to Garnet. Which...always kind of didn't make sense to me. Aivi wasn't really like Garnet. They are more NOW, though? In the sense of how they act, I suppose. Specifically, one of the last things Aivi said to me was that trying to be friends with me had started feeling like Pearl trying to force Garnet to fuse with her. This was problematic because from my POV nothing of the sort was happening. All I was looking for was occasionally hanging out a few times a year. Like. Ya know. Actually a lot less than what I was looking for with basically all of my other friends. And that was still Too Much? But when I start looking at things like Pink Diamond and Spinel instead of Pearl and Garnet, somehow things make a lot more sense. I was probably too clingy, too exciteable, and what amusement or relief I could provide eventually stopped being useful. Aivi eventually didn't even want to spend time with friends to just...spend time with them. Everything had to have some kind of practical Purpose to it, it had to be contributing to a Goal. I still don't get that, tbh. But I'm also not A Diamond. I'm not Successful. The most responsibility I have right now is fucking hanging up the laundry to dry. I have college loans that have and continue to feel pointless to try and repay. I have severe dental problems I haven't been able to fix. My body fell out of shape because of retail hell, and what energy I’ve had to spare from that always ends up going into the people I love, and trying to keep Making Things. Let's not forget The Complications of coming out and wanting to transition but not possessing the resources to do so. (Aivi was actually super supportive of this btw and was the first person to make me feel comfortable wearing feminine things so yea) Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that MY LIFE is not together. My personality is? I feel like I am finally Myself in terms of mental/emotional stability. And that is largely because Jenny helped me get there. But Aivi helped a lot with that, too. But I think Aivi got to a point where Success was more of a measure of how Grown Up and Healthy one was because despite my behavior, my personality, my mood, what I was asking for, and what I was giving, all changing DRASTICALLY after being with Jenny, I think Aivi still...looked at me the way Pink Diamond looked at Spinel during that song. Like, "yeeeaaaa ok kiddo it's time for me to go now, kinda done here" This is what's so confusing about all of this metaphor/etc. I'm not...like Spinel anymore? My current, post-coming-out self doesn't really relate with Happy OR Angry Spinel. It's almost like Aivi couldn't see me for who I became, and could only see me for who I had been. And maybe that's like why Spinel can't be friends with Steven at the end. It's too painful. I used to take pride in being associated with Pearl because "I'm enough" and "being strong in the REAL way" but now it's more like "oh you just think I'm still hung up and needy and clingy?" which uh don't feel so great a comparison. I can't help but wonder if while working on the movie, Aivi saw some of themself in Pink. Because I'm not the only person who apparently wasn't 'useful' to them anymore. And I'm not saying we should've kept forcing something that wasn't working. Not at all. What we had was good for both us, but it also entailed a lot of patience on my part and effort on theirs. And unlike any of my other long term friends, I often ended up waiting weeks, months, "Happily wondering night after night, Is this how it works? Am I doing it right?"

Years and years of broken friendships, one after the other, most lasting merely 6 months, MAYBE a year at most, with a handful that have lasted since middle school (but which are so much harder to maintain) took a toll on my Adult Self until Jenny, anyway. For quite a long time - the majority of my life, currently - I assumed I just was Too Different and that was why my friendships didn't seem to last, didn't seem to extend to the depths I was looking for. That's perhaps one critical difference between Spinel and I: she's looking for FUN, for smiling faces, for attention, for creating smiles, I just want some fucking consistency. At this point, I'm not even sure WHY I still reach out to people. I don't NEED friendships in that desperate way I used to, back in the Happy/Angry Spinel times. And I've come to terms with that Other Max part of myself and integrated it, accepted it. My worst parts are still me and instead of suppressing them (often by relying on bids of deep friendship with others) I just have to let them EXIST and let them do their thing once in a while. This is ALL why Celeste hit me as hard as it did. Because even if I'm not actually much like Spinel anymore, and Aivi's not really like Pink Diamond, even if I don't actually share much in common with Madeline (other than the subtle 'I drink sometimes to deal with my problems' thing, which I don't anymore) I still comprehend and resonate so much with that concept of just needing to accept the worst parts of yourself and work with them rather than trying to keep them caged up and then they escape and rampage every 5-10 years or so and ruin your life As I felt myself coming to all of these Good Feelings I FINALLY felt like I could help Aivi in the ways they had helped me. That I finally had something to offer I didn't before. Turns out, I didn't, apparently. Aivi had More Important Things to do than visit me in The Garden. And I couldn't blame them. Not a bit. Especially if they had gotten bored of visiting me. I didn't like feeling like a burden on them, either. Can't really argue with that. During the last time we talked, Aivi didn't use the WORDS, didn't literally say them, but I finally could see it: I wasn't Useful anymore. I couldn't Understand, either, because I wasn't Successful. Our friendship was rewarding, but because it required effort. And that effort was still worth it to me, but no longer to them. I was no longer worth it. And despite that, despite starting to feel those hunches, I spent those final months -- as had been the case before, they were afraid to hurt me so avoided actually confronting the problem -- I remained "Happy to listen, Happy to stay Happily watching her drift away" I have no idea if any aspect of our friendship impacted anything Aivi had worked on creatively. TBH Aivi seemed to approach even relationships themselves with more of a logical, pragmatic style -- it was entirely unique compared to anyone I had ever connected with. But if you've read @lis-allwounds then it might not surprise you to know that a lot of what I expressed through Stella and Max, as well as Other Max and Another Stella, channels a lot of these things. I even quoted Aivi directly in the story's end (perhaps foolishly optimistic) And yes, that epilogue moment of sorts is gonna be entirely different if I ever do finish the visual novel. The fact is that we were ALWAYS very different people and our friendship was weird and complicated and hard for one or both of us throughout its, what, 8 year duration? Ironically, I think I took away the opposite 'Character Arc Lesson' they did from all this. But that's just the thing, nothing is permanent for a Human Being. We aren't Gems, we don't actually fuse, we can't just change our appearances when we feel like it, or project ourselves to look how we want to look, or exist for thousands of years. But we DO all have different needs, different ways of understanding those needs, and different ways of needing to adjust or change ourselves or our environments in order to pursue what we want to pursue with the limited time we have here. We tried, hard, and it lasted long enough. If I'm not useful, I'm not useful, I guess? I don't have any ill will toward Aivi, I loved them as a friend and I know they loved me, too, and were better at showing it than most any friends I ever have had. If I'd been better at reciprocating in ways that were actually useful, that would've been good -- but then maybe we wouldn't have become friends in the first place if I hadn't needed 'saving' in the first place, I don't fuckin' know. And I hope my saying all of these things doesn't make anyone think any less of Aivi because your relationship with them is, very likely, not at all personal like mine is. And you know as well as I do how good they are at what they do. Aivi took the time to ease me out of things. Aivi did NOT suddenly up and vanish for thousands of years. While the dynamics of the situation might bare sharp points of similarity, Aivi is not like Pink Diamond and I'm not like Spinel -- not in the present, anyway. Stories help us because they share THREADS with reality but it's always important to recognize those threads for what they are and not confuse them for ropes. And me ranting and tossing all of this out there is something part of me has wanted to do for months but needed to take the time to grieve and process and accept. And maybe it's selfish to be posting all of this, I don't know. But it helps me accept myself and them a lot more. "Finally something finally news about how the story ends" Aivi likely has brand new friends, better ones than me, and I'm willing to bet some of them worked on this movie. And it turned out pretty good, all things considered, probably in part because Aivi was able to focus on it That person I became friends with, she doesn't exist anymore. Just like how who I used to be when Aivi first me, he doesn't exist anymore, either. We both changed, and grew in opposite directions, I guess. We've found happiness and growth and relief in different ways. In the end the Movie helped me come to terms with all of this in a way Angry Spinel younger me couldn't have still hurts yo

"Isn't that lovely?

Isn't that cool?

Isn't that cruel?

And aren't I a fool

to have happily listened,

happy to stay,

happily watching her drift away"

#Steven Universe The Movie #Spinel #Personal #SU #SU Spinel

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dukeofriven · 5 years

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Let Boys Love Girl Things

For a deeply depressed, angry, and vitriolic bisexual 20-something who stumbled out of a toxic 2-year intensive college program confused as fuck about his gender and hurting everyone around him, it is with no exaggeration that I say My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’s low-key stakes, warmth, humour, kindness, and utter lack of cynical irony was my first step on the road not only to recovery but coming even sort of close to having an accord with my identity. So I quite frankly I am exhausted that I have spent nine years being judged on the behaviour of a fandom group from 4chan. Nine years ago there was a gross perpetuation of toxic masculinity where men were ridiculed en-masse for liking a “girl’s show,” a campaign of derision that only intensified as the worst elements of 4chan gave everyone the evidence they seemed to want to justify their snap-judgement that boys liking girls shows was fundamentally weird, gross, and worthy of censure. We like to clap ourselves on the back for how woke we are now. There’s no discourse that says it is “skeevy” that men enjoy She-Ra, and petulant MRAs on Reddit getting upset about the show’s new ‘feminist’ agenda is considered to be representative of nothing other than petulant MRAs on Reddit, not the She-Ra fandom as a whole. Steven Universe is triumphed everywhere as a victory for better masculinity - without anyone ever noting that Steven would love every single moment of My Little Pony: FiM. He’d cry at the wedding, and he’d weep at the destruction of the library, and he’d think the Storm King was an effective villain while Connie rolled her eyes and tried and failed to point-out the weak characterization. Steven would cheer and cry every time a villain was redeemed through the power of love and friendship. Because he’s Steven, and he loves schmaltz, and it’s okay for a boy to like schmaltz. If we truly believe that, as we say we do, it’s time let the habit of shaming boys who liked a cartoon show go. It’s been a decade. Yes: MLP: FiM had a disgusting contingent of its fandom. You know what other franchise has that problem? A little film series you might have heard of called Star Wars. A contingent of Star Wars fandom was so racist it drove actors of colour off of twitter because it piled hate upon them. It was so misogynistic that somebody out there recut the entirety of The Last Jedi so that men save the day and all the women get reduced to bit parts. And yet if I see a Star Wars avatar my first assumption generally isn’t “oh you like Star Wars, so you must therefore be a misogynistic racist.” Because statistically speaking, you aren’t - just like, statistically speaking, the men who liked My Little Pony weren’t 4chan users. Not that most people bothered to find that out, because - shockingly - the worst elements had loud voices and got all the press, and the standard we applied to them was so entrenched in patriarchy that none of us wanted to accept that men could like the girls show without it being some gross violation of the proper order. I’m tired of that. The show’s been on nine years - long enough that kids who grew up watching it are old enough to start entering “The Discourse Space,” and what kind of example do we want to set for them that a show that might have meant so much to them growing up is given a defacto label of deviancy? ”Adult males like this show about the little kiddie ponies - that’s so creepy.” There’s a point I want to make here that I think really needs to be said so I am going to make it large

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a show for children; it is not a show about children.

What do I mean by this? Adventure Time is the story of Finn, a 12-year-old. Steven Universe is a show about Steven Universe, a 12-year-old. Ok K.O. is a show about K.O. a 6-11 year-old. Avatar: The Last Airbender is about a group of kids aged 11-14. She-Ra is a show about Adora who is… 16-ish? 17? And so on.

MLP:FiM is a show about 20-somethings. It’s a show about a grad student, a small business owner, a baker, a farmer, an environmental technician, a… trust fund baby?*... and, later, a former dictator. Yes, there are some kid characters, but the primary cast are all young adults who’ve reached adulthood and found themselves having to learn over and over again all sorts of shit they really ought to have known by now but don’t. It is, in short, a story about Millennials: an entire generation who reached adulthood not knowing what that meant or how to cope. Every time you laugh at the characters and go “how do they not know this [obvious thing that is obvious to adults]” you do so while watching a children’s cartoon rather than paying your taxes because you’re still not sure how to do that properly and are just low-key freaking out about it and hoping the problem goes away on its own. I speak from experience. The list in endless: we might ridicule the ponies ignorance at social graces, but i’ve been on this hellsite long enough that I’m pretty sure most of you are social-anxious neurotics who cock-up just as often and just as spectacularly as any pony on the show.

I’ve grown up in-sync with these characters. I’ve seen them go from floundering at 20 to sorta getting their act together and coming to grips with adult life as they reach 30. I’ve seen them become successful, get new jobs, start new careers. There have been episodes about how to deal with parents who embarrass you, how to get your parents to understand that you’re an adult now and want to be treated that way. There str stories about how to handle deadbeat older brothers who won’t stop mooching off your emotional labour, and how to mourn parents who’ve died. There are also stories about the byzantine nature of school regulation. (If next season is all about Twilight Sparkle reforming the Equestrian tax code it will be entirely in keeping with the adult-life-trend the show has been on for a while.)

My point with all this is that the “liking the kid’s show” narrative is disingenuous in the way it frames fans as creepy. To get tu quoque about it all I could raise my hand and point at all you adults gushing about all these kid protagonists in your favourite cartoon shows and go “Isn’t that CREEPY and GROSS you DEVIANTS” and on and on and on.

But I won’t.

Because it was never really about that, was it? It’s never been about that.

It was, at first, about what it was and wasn’t okay for boys - for men - to like. As a kid who’d been mercilessly bullied for being even the tiniest bit effeminate, openly embracing the fact that I liked this show about the colourful cartoon ponies felt like painting a target on my back. As for the boys younger than me - the boys still in high school in 2010 and 2011 who openly embraced this show? Braver than any US marine. When this all started it was about policing what was ‘appropriate’ for boys - nobody gave the adult Transformers fandom the same kind of shit, I assure you. It was about patriarchy - and how unwilling we all were to let go of it, no matter how progressive we told ourselves we were. Just like any moral panic, it developed a far more disturbing tone of disapprobation because if a handful of fans on 4chan were creepy than surely all the fandom was creepy. I’ve had plenty of fun mail in my inbox as people with cartoon avatars told me my opinion was invalid because I had an avatar from a different cartoon show. If I had an MP avatar that made me a “brony,” which made me a creepy MRA edgelord. Never mind that I don’t even use the term, and haven’t since… well, since the grossest elements of 4chan got it tattooed on their phalluses and trumpeted it to the heavens as the calling card of their misogyny.

There was a moment, I think, back in the halcyon days of 2010 and 2011 where we could have taken this another way. Where, socially, the rise of boys watching ‘the girl’s show’ was treated as a breakthrough, as a paradigm shift, as something to be celebrated and nurtured instead of something to revile like an anti-homosexual PSA from the 1950s. “Can’t let the adult men near that children’s show, who knows what might happen. They might repeat the trends that all fandoms have done for decades upon decades - the horror!”

We could have been better - but we weren’t. We mocked, and clutched our pearls, and looked appalled, and in doing so we fed the trolls all the ammunition they’d ever need to turn themselves into The Poor Oppressed Babies who just wanted to be left alone to watch their ponies and belittle women in peace. So the gender-questioning bi boy trying to feel good about himself got rounded-up with the usual 4chan suspects because we both enjoyed the same television program.

Patriarchy is not an external force with its boot upon our necks: it is a collaborative social effort, reinforced both consciously and sub-consciously every day. The internet of the early 2010s was a very different place, and the decisions we made then still live with us today. If we want to stop the perpetuation of toxic masculinity, we have to ourselves cease to perpetuate it. There’s an entire generation of queer boys and non-binary boys and non-bro cis-boys - the kind who cry and care and give a shit about kindness - who have grown up on Steven Universe and Adventure Time and yes, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. These are boys who deserve to have a better place prepared for them than I had, one that isn’t still littered by the baggage of all the dumb stupid crap from 2010 and 2011.

It’s time to let the ghost of Toxic 4chan Fandoms Past go already, and let this show about cartoon ponies be free to entertain and delight without incurring a moral inquisition. Life is so bad right now, the news is so dire. Curl up with My Little pony: Friendship is Magic and let all its goodness, and kindness, and laughter, and caring carry you away and remind you that we can still tell stories about worlds in which those virtues are treasured. Let the show stand on its actual merits, and not the cultural lodestones of long-gone reprobates. And stop granting the phantoms of 4chan the power to say anything meaningful in 2019.

_________________ *Serious question: what does Fluttershy do for a living? Like, as her job? For most of the series? She’s the only one who doesn’t have a meaningful career, and after meeting her enabling parents you just know she’s been living off pre-existing savings for years (she’s thrifty like that).

[Note: this post was originally posted in this thread. It has since been re-edited and slightly modified.]

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secondaryshade · 6 years

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I just hate OP: Strong World

It’s just so bad.

I will start with the plot holes. We will talk about the plan. The keikaku. It’s pretty dumb. Because of several reasons.

It has largely something to do with these dumb animals and the drug. First off, why are they needed? Can’t Shiki just literally, drop islands with his power, Why spend 20 years on animals that you can’t really properly control, over just using your powers? Your power is quite literally up there with the likes Whitebeard’s devil fruit power. Why not use the power to destroy villages in East Blue?

Then there is the problem of the IQ, Daft Green, and the super-evolved animals. Why is it that the animals just haven’t evolved bast Daft Green? If this drug causes them to evolve super-fast, why don’t they evolve over something that is a hindrance to them in the environment? Doesn’t this go against the evolutionary principals? That every single one of them decided against evolving in this specific way?

Continuing the Shiki talk, why does he keep saving them? Like I understand the time when he was dealing with 5 of them and was trying to force Nami. But for some god damn reason, when he has been betrayed by Nami already, he still keeps Luffy alive by letting him free from the water. Why? So he can make Luffy watch the fireworks essentially. He is stupid that way.

Not that the lackies are any better. I mean at this point I am not expecting whole much from lackies in these movies. Problem is that, even though I had no expectations for these lackies, they still managed to disappoint me.

Like my expectations for lackies is around Chopper’s Kingdom lackies. I didn’t really even get that. I got instead a perverted gorilla. Because reasons, I guess? Clown Scientist who later voices Ceasar Clown. Because 4th wall irony, I guess? But the point is that the entire trio shares these stupid skits together. The clown is especially annoying with his shoes. And both of the lackies go down easily. So they were annoying with 0 threat.

The earlier movies managed to do side characters well enough to make us care. Shuraiya from the Dead End was good times, as well as Akisu and Borodo from 2nd movie, then not to mention the colorful cast of Baron movie. Heck, even the Heart of Gold does it better with one of my favorite characters in One Piece, namely Olga.

And honestly Shiki is the worst, For a guy with so much hype, he was doomed to failure. Problem is that the failure was much bigger than anticipated. His skits make him look the most unthreatening person and that causes major whiplash all the time.

Then there is the whole “Nakama is taken” plot point... Le Sigh. The less we talk about that, the better.

We also have a problem that has plagued these so-called One Piece “films”. Aka. big threat equals meaningful stakes and trying way too hard to be epic, only to look really lame. It’s like some sort of decease that they have to do a costume change before the “epic” battle to look cool. And nothing exemplifies this better than Luffy’s red smoke from 2nd Gear. Why? No reason really, it just is supposed to look cool (not really succeeding).

The only thing I really like about this movie is the soundtrack. Everything else about it to me is thrash. Yes, even the visuals.

@agemintherough

I have no idea, how you are going to fix this movie for the fanfic, but I wish you good luck since you don’t even have the ost to help you.

On the side note, I have finished Save the Light 100% (101% technically) and gotten the achievements. It was a good game. Loads of flaws. Like a bug that stops you from playing the game in EU when you try to enter the North.

Outside of the bugs, it was generally good, especially in the start. But at certain parts, it starts to drop off. The characters scaled really weirdly. Greg was a powerhouse early game dmg wise, but late game he is super bad at it. Same goes for almost every character. Especially Connie.

However, by the time you start noticing this, you would be getting Steven’s Second Shield upgrade that breaks the game. It is absurdly broken. To a point where you just stop using other characters, due to their lack of effective dmg dealing methods.

Hessonite is a really easy boss. Heck, she is super easy, since I had a harder time beating the Prism with Crying Breakfast Friends badge, than her. (Hardest part about her is learning the timing of the block, but even that isn’t even needed.)

Also, you can’t repeat the bosses like in the last game, with the exception of Hessonite. Also, Squaridot was a major disappointment. Also, there is padding in the end with an extra dungeon with no boss just before you go confront her... Not that she has an own dungeon, to begin with.

So yeah, I really liked the puzzle solving, platforming, RPG mechanics, and such. It was still a very bumpy ride. But I am happy to experience it.

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mellicose · 6 years

Text

That Woman Over There - Chapter 17

A You Me and Him Fix-it Fic

Rating: Teen, for some profanity and mature themes

Word count: 4940

Warnings: none

Summary: ~ Set after the birth of Monty, Olivia’s baby ~ A dear friend of Olivia comes to visit for a week, and she disturbs the fragile peace between her, Alex, and John.

The atmosphere of the house crackled. She climbed the stairs quietly and looked in Liv’s bedroom door. She was by the bed, rocking Monty.

“Hey you,” she said, waving. “Can I come in?”

Olivia shrugged. “Baby’s asleep.”

“Would you like to go downstairs?” Connie said, walking over to caress Monty’s fluffy blond hair. He was so much like his mum.

She shook her head. “I want to wait with my son.”

Connie sat down beside her and touched her arm. “He’s asleep. You’ll rock him right out the window if you keep going like that.”

She let go in a huff. Her face was flushed, and her blue eyes were rimmed in red.

“Did you see where she went?” Liv said. “Typical of her to just run away when things don’t go her way.”

Connie sighed. “I heard her slam out of the kitchen door. That’s it.”

She looked out. “I don’t see anyone at John’s. They might’ve gone off somewhere. They went off together a lot for their shared therapy sessions when I first had Monty. I was going mad with a newborn, and she was getting drunk.” Her face was tight with resentment.

Connie touched her hand, but Liv moved it. “Livvie.”

Olivia stood up and paced in front of the bed. “She was barely around the first two months, and I swallowed it. I dealt with John mooning after her like a lovesick Borzoi. I learned to nurse alone and woke what seemed like 10 times a night for feedings, and they hadn’t come back yet. When she did, she stunk of fags and booze, but did I judge her? No. I was patient. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to lose a baby. So I stayed quiet. But I was boiling, Connie. It hurt terribly.”

She collapsed on the bed.

“Oh, no, darling, no,” Connie said, pulling her into her arms. She thought she wept, but she was trembling with anger, not anguish.

“She didn’t want Monty. Not the commitment, nor the responsibility. She wanted everything to remain the same until she tired of me, then move on like she’s always done-”

“Olivia-”

“No, you weren’t here, Connie. You didn’t live this. I know you were going through your own hell, but…” her mouth moved, and nothing came out. She sat down. “You know when you came back a couple days back, and we were in a compromising condition?”

“You mean when you were having sex in the kitchen?” Connie said.

Liv rolled her eyes and nodded awkwardly. “It was the first time in months,” she whispered.

“It’s normal for some nursing mothers not to want sex for a while,” Connie whispered back. Liv gave her a look.

“I’ve read a lot of books.”

Olivia tugged on her blouse and bit her lip. “Part of it was hormonal, but…” again, she couldn’t get the words out. Connie squeezed her hand. Liv shook her head.

“You know, when I first got with Ella, she was just weaning Poppy. It was strange. Some weeks she was insatiable. Then, she was untouchable for a month. But I adored her, so I dealt with it. If Alex loves you, she’ll adjust.”

“You and Ella are- were different,” she said.

“Were we?” Connie said. “I don’t really think so.”

“I was there, remember? It was a team effort. You were both completely excited and present for each other and Poppy,” she said. “It was beautiful to behold.”

“It was a fiction,” Connie said. “Everything was. I don’t think Ella ever really loved me. But, since Poppy did, she stayed for a while.”

Olivia stared at her. “Again, I’m sorry.”

Connie nodded.

“Did you ever feel it, before she left?” Liv asked.

Connie shook her head. “I came up to talk about you,” she said.

“Answer the question. Please,” Liv said.

“Do you remember when we first met and you slept over my house, and we would spend time in the basement?”

“Of course. Your father had a home theater down there. We’d gorge on candy popcorn and watch John Hughes film till we passed out in the guest bedroom. It was fun.”

“You remember Halloween?”

Olivia’s eyebrow rose. “Not so vaguely.” They had just watched the Lost Boys, and ran out of potato chips to mix with their chocolate in the downstairs bar, so they decided to venture upstairs to the kitchen. Connie’s parents had been in the den, fighting viciously. Or, better said, Connie’s mother was screaming insults at her father as he half stood, half knelt in front of her, avoiding her drunken earcuffs. Connie had turned cottage-cheese white and pulled her downstairs, slamming the basement door so hard she thought it would go off its hinges. It had taken many caresses, soft words, and kisses to calm her embarrassment and anger.

Liv reddened at the memory.

“That kind of thing happened at least twice a week, but I was successful in hiding from you for months. I thought you would insist on going home immediately and think me weird, but you stayed.”

“It was horribly uncomfortable,” Liv said, “but your pain was worse. That’s why I stayed. I felt for you.”

“That’s precisely what I didn’t want you to do,” Connie said. “Stay because you felt sorry for me. Give me scraps of affection because you saw I wasn’t getting it elsewhere. It was so humiliating. So I played it cool.”

“I remember you weren’t very cool at all that night,” Liv said. Her eyes were fathomless. “Far from it.”

Now Connie squirmed. Olivia wasn’t usually so bold.

“I wanted to forget. And I wanted you to stay.”

“I can’t say I ever forgot. But I no longer cared about anything or anyone else around us for a while after,” Liv said.

Connie chuckled. “Like I said, it was a fiction. A crappy patch on a gaping void.”

Liv didn’t know exactly what she was talking about.

“It was a lie, and I knew it was, but it was so nice. I figured loving her was enough for the both of us. Why do you think I would endure such pain?”

“I don’t understand,” Liv said.

“You asked me when I knew it wasn’t gonna work out. I think I knew for years. But … I made up excuses to remain. Poppy was the most brilliant excuse, but even then, not a solid one, since she never officially shared custody with me. She was always her girl. Even when I paid the bills and wiped her butt and took her to school. She used Poppy as leverage, and I let her because I loved her.” Connie’s lip quivered, and she gave Liv a hurt look.

“Like I said before, she didn’t want Monty. She left.”

“You kicked her out, as I recall.”

“Because she shagged the next door neighbor, who is a man!” She pointed at John’s house.

“She was really drunk and angry that you didn’t ask her before starting a family. I have defended you to anyone who dared talk shit, but between us, how is that fair, huh?”

“I turned forty last year, and we had talked about it a couple times. It wasn’t a complete surprise.”

“It was surprising enough,” Connie said. “She’s barely out of university age with no job and no prospects. How could you think she was ready to play house? Birthing hips does not a mother make.”

“She got pregnant too!” Olivia said, raising her voice. She slapped her hand over her mouth and looked toward Monty’s crib. Gladly, he didn’t wake. “At least I didn’t go to the friendly neighborhood shag shack to get … up the duff,” she whispered. She gave Connie a sharp look. She knew what she meant.

“Don’t you judge me, Olivia,” Connie said. Her eyes burned with tears. “You have absolutely no place to do it. Not then, and not now.”

“You started it,” Liv said. “Coming here with your itty bitty shorts and your flower fame,” she said, eyeing Connie’s dress. “Alex is right.”

Connie blinked incredulously. “Exactly what is she right about?”

“That you lash out and complain at a bit of ordinary heartache, but you’ve got it all. A wealthy father. An improbable art career. A jet setting life. You flew half the world over to see me on a whim. Not everyone has that luxury. Not even me,” she said, referring to her middle-class parents.

Connie stood up slowly. “I thought the argument was between you two?”

Olivia shrugged. “Maybe it takes a fresh pair of eyes to see certain things. We agreed on that.”

“Is this still about me not being here for Monty’s birth? You know why I couldn’t make it - John told me. I was ill. I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. It was a fucked up time.”

“So you’re thick as thieves are you? Mind your heart. He’ll have another woman in his bed before the side where you slept goes cold.”

“He can do what he likes after I go. We’re adults,” she said, but her chest contracted at the thought.

“That’s not what your eyes say, Connie. You care for him. And I’m just saying be careful. He was chummy with Alex and I too, before he took her to bed. He didn’t give a damn.” Her mouth was a straight line.

“He’s not that way anymore,” Connie said.

“So, he’s changed in the last few months? He’s a brand new man, all because of you,” Olivia said, smirking bitterly. “I’ll tell you what I told Alex - don’t flatter yourself.”

“I’m sorry you had to tell her that, Livvie, but I’m confused why you’re being like this.”

Olivia shrugged tiredly.

“You know what? Like I said before, I defended you when other people wanted to call you cold or manipulative or weird. I damn near spit in their face. Yet you talk shit about me with Alex, a woman I barely know? I’m a spoiled brat who’s gotten everything she’s ever wanted without any work, or sweat, tears, or blood? You know better. I struggled to learn the language I’m speaking to you now. I ate shit and slept on sofas, and floors. I traveled on piss-smelling buses and trains, away from home and comfort for months on end kissing asses and developing my craft. Daddy didn’t buy my clients, nor did he give me travel money. I busted my ass for all of my 20’s to get where I am, to prove to my father that I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life for choosing art instead of science or politics. And goddamnit, I’m doing it,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion. “Don’t you blame me for having the courage to chase my dreams instead of bending to what Mummy and Daddy wanted.”

Olivia’s lip trembled.

“Did you tell Alex that? Squatting in an older woman’s house smoking hash and raiding her pantry isn’t gonna get her nonexistent work in the great museums of Europe.”

Olivia shivered as if slapped. Connie walked out to the hallway, then back in.

“And by the way, next time you have a little coffee klutch about my endless privilege with your girlfriend, tell her about that Halloween. That was my life every single day until I turned 17. I had a father too harried to be consistent, and a mother who wouldn’t look me in the eye except to tell me I wasn’t worth the birthing pains. Tell her about Ella, and Poppy, and my motherfucking empty apartment. If I’m so privileged, she can have it. In fact, here,” she said, and pulled off a gold bangle, and the ruby earrings she wore and threw them on the bed. One of them plinked on Olivia’s cheek, but she remained immobile. “She can take the rest too. See how well she can endure mi privilegio.”

🌹🌹🌹

John was speechless. He wasn’t sure he heard her right, or captured the meaning of her words.

“What did you say?” he asked.

“You were obviously in love with me. We get on really well. Why didn’t you insist on pursuing me?”

Heat flashed up his spine and exploded in his jaw. It rained harder, and the plinking above their heads turned to a dull roar, but he no longer felt cold. Her eyes widened at his expression.

“Are you gonna say something?”

The rain had washed away most of her makeup, and her face looked pale and so, so young. Regardless of what happened with Jo, she was still a beautiful child playing at womanhood. Perhaps it was a mercy on the part of fate, because otherwise…

“You’re with Olivia,” he finally said.

“You did your best to break us up at one point,” she said. “Why did you stop?”

“Because … you’re gay. You told me that ad nauseum. Eventually, I grew up and respected it.”

She shook her head, and warm droplets sprayed on his hand. “Turns out I’m bisexual. Congratulations, man. You turned me. Um, halfway turned me,” she said, and smiled.

Why did it feel like an insult?

“Um, okay,” he said. He couldn’t look at her. The food he ate was burning its way back up his esophagus.

“That’s all you got? You’re the first person I told. See, I chose you.”

He was quiet, and his silence started to make her nervous. He was never quiet, and rarely still. She slapped his shoulder.

“Talk to me!”

He swallowed bile. “What do you want me to say?” His voice cracked with emotion.

“What you’re thinking,” she said softly. He was not reacting the way she thought he would.

He tried to rub feeling back into his numb fingers, but the rain was relentless. His toes squished in his waterlogged boots. And he hurt. Like he hadn’t hurt in a long time.

“I cried for you,” he said. She put her hand over his, but he raked his fingers through his wet hair and hugged himself. “Not only because of what happened with Jo. Just, for you. Because I wanted you. I fell in love with you.”

She touched his shoulder, but he moved further away. She was no longer smiling.

“You’re so funny, and irreverent, and cool - everything I’m not. I’ll never forget the first time we met. You insulted me for no reason, all with a saucy grin. I even remember what you wore, how you did you hair. It was a legitimate moment for me.”

“I was wearing the overalls, right? With the flowered scarf in my hair,” she said. She remembered too - the way his perplexed face melted into a dazed grin, despite her sharp words. “I called you a useless football obsessed dudebro twat, and you offered me dinner.”

“I offered to cook you both dinner,” he said. “You and Olivia.”

“But mostly me,” she said, daring to touch him again. He didn’t move away, but he also didn’t react.

“Mostly you,” he repeated quietly. “What do you want from me?”

“You cried?” Alex said.

“Oh yeah,” he said, nodding. “I was so lonely. My wife left, and I had nothing. Then you moved in with Olivia. You were an actual ray of sunshine. I was smitten.”

She laced her fingers in his. “I think, my insults were partly because I thought you were … not totally gross-looking. It was a bit of a shock.”

“Not totally gross looking. Nice to know,” he said. His fingers felt cold and lifeless in hers, so she tried rubbing heat into them. It did not register in his face.

“We had our moments, right?” She moved his hand, and traced the tattoo on the inside of his wrist. It was still so crisp. So new.

“Had. Yes,” he said, extricating his hand gently from hers.

“Seriously, though - what do you think would’ve happened if we had Josie together? Have you ever thought about that? Because I have. In fact, I haven’t thought of much else lately.”

He looked out at the street with glassy eyes.

“I’ve been thinking of how, perhaps, I would’ve ended up in your house. You would’ve helped me turn your computer room into a nursery for Jo. And, maybe …” she wiped the dripping water from his jaw, “...maybe, in time, something might bloom between us. Who would’ve thunk it? Mr. and Mrs Helm, with the white picket fence and children’s toys in the garden.” She snorted.

Another wave of nausea made him shiver. She lightly caressed his neck, and he raised his shoulder defensively.

“But Jo’s gone,” he said.

“What if she had survived, though? What do you think might’ve happened?”

“She’s gone, Alex. She died. That’s what happened, and what I have to work through. I barely have the energy for that, after everything else. I don’t have any at all for what could’ve been.”

His tone frightened her, because it was not his usual gentle tone. It was firm. Final.

“I don’t know how to tell Olivia about the bi thing,” she said, changing her tack. “I don’t think she’ll be too pleased.”

“You have a life together, and a baby. The sooner you do, the better.”

“You heard her earlier. It’s her son. She chose to have him without talking to me, or waiting until we married. We’re not married now. I wonder if it even matters.”

“I don’t think it’s right to talk about her like that,” he said.

“I talk about her all the time. What’s changed?” Alex said.

“Everything,” he said, and cleared his throat. He stood up. His head was beginning to swim.

“Are you talking about Connie?” she said.

“This isn’t about her. Don’t bring her into it.”

She stood up. “I was your wingman with her. Maybe I’m entitled to something.”

“Fine. She’s not who you think she is,” he said.

“She’s exactly who I think she is. Just coming through,” Alex said. “In a day and a half she’ll be on a plane to New York, and you sir, will be a memory.” She patted him on the shoulder, thinking herself quite witty. But his face twitched with emotion. “Little Miss Jet Set will be gone, and we can get on with our lives.”

“What life?” he said.

She was surprised at his intensity. “I don’t know. Going to the pub and getting blitzed. Checking out women together. Chicken on Sunday. Monty,” she said, shrugging.

“The one where I watch you and Olivia living, then go back to my house alone?”

“If my memory serves, you’re rarely alone,” she said, and chuckled.

He shook his head. Could she be that clueless?

“I thought you knew me. Do you really think that’s the life I want?”

“You’re doing your own thing, and having fun. Better than boring uni classes and being yelled at all the time,” she said, stuffing her hands in her skirt. “Sometimes Liv feels more like my mam than my girl. I guess that’s why I like to hang out. You’re more my kind of people.”

Again, he studied her. She was truly oblivious to the pain she was causing. And, somehow, although it broke his heart again, it did not surprise him. She was so young. Could he blame her for being callous? Whatever wisp of emotion that he felt for her evaporated in that moment. They would always be connected by flesh, but no longer by heart.

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight, and kissed the top of her head. She tried to extend the embrace, but he pulled away and shook his head.

“Be honest with Olivia … or don’t. But you must be honest with yourself.”

She shrugged. He put his hands up, then started walking away.

“Hey! Where you going?” she yelled.

“I need to be alone,” he said.

She stared after him. Her thoughts raced. She thought he would be happy to hear her news - that he would jump at the opportunity to start something with her and help her explore her feelings. She had no idea why he was reacting so negatively. Her breath was short with the cold. If he looked back at her, she would run to him. She wanted to, so much. Her eyes remained on his back, and her heart beat loudly in her ears. If he looked back at her, she would go to him, everyone else be damned …

He turned the corner and disappeared.

🌹🌹🌹

She ran down the stairs, and to her surprise, Olivia ran behind her. She put her arms around her before she ran out the door and burst into tears.

“I’m sorry. So sorry, but Connie, I’m scared,” she said, shivering against her back. “So scared…” her voice turned to a wail that made her turn and wrap her arms around her.

“I don’t feel in control anymore,” Olivia sniffed. “I don’t know what’s going on half the time, and I swear I can feel Alex resenting me. It makes the hairs go up in the back of my neck.” Her tears wet Connie’s shoulder.

“That loss of control happens after you have a child. You’re not living for yourself anymore,” Connie said. It’s a feeling she knew intimately, even though Poppy was gone. Maybe more so since she was gone.

“And what about the resentment?”

“That I can’t answer. You’ve got to listen to her, feel her out. And, if she wants to play a bigger role in Monty’s life, you’ve got to figure out a healthy way to make it work. But punishing her because of what happened in the beginning isn’t the way to earn her commitment. It will just make things worse. Have you considered couple’s therapy?”

Olivia snorted.

“What? It works to talk things through with an impartial stranger.”

“But we haven’t been together for three years. We’re not even married.”

“You’re raising a child together. I think you qualify as a couple.”

Olivia raised her head. “Did you ever do it with Ella?”

Connie laughed. “Like, every Thursday for three years. It was far more holistic approach, though. Queer couples sitting on the floor, in a circle, with a talking stick. There was lots of hash, which I didn’t smoke. You might prefer something more traditional.”

“But, you and Ella…” She wiped her eyes.

“To be fair, it was just an overglorified tea party - mostly gossip. It wasn’t useful, but Ella didn’t think psychology is a valid discipline anyway. I beg to differ. It helped me a lot in the last year.”

“Therapy?” Olivia said.

“A lot of therapy,” Connie said. “Surprisingly, my privilege didn’t matter a bit.”

Olivia winced, then wiped at the wetness darkening Connie’s dress. “Is this the dress John got you?”

“Yeah. Do you like it?” Connie said, ruffling the skirt.

“You look fantastic. I got the size right on the nose.”

“Thanks,” Connie said.

“I mean, he picked it out, it was just … he didn’t know the size,” she said, putting her hands on Connie’s waist. “I hurt you. When I said that thing to Alex at the restaurant.”

“It wasn’t directed at me. It was directed at Alex.”

“But I saw your face. It’s like the light went out of it.”

“Did you notice how Alex looked?” Connie said. She didn’t know why she was saying it. Her and Alex had to have another talk. Soon.

“I can’t even properly gauge her moods anymore,” Olivia said. “There’s always something.”

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt,” she said, thinking back on one of the regulars at the queer hash and gossip therapy circle. The saying had stung her then. And it visibly stung Olivia now. “You’ve got to have a long, difficult talk. And possibly make some hard decisions afterward, for the good of all three of you. Pretending that everything is okay is only postponing the inevitable.”

“The inevitable?” Olivia said.

“It will be inevitable if you leave it be,” Connie said. “If you really care for her, don’t freeze her out. You’ve got to listen to what she feels, and not superimpose your own feelings over hers.”

“That’s definitely from therapy,” Olivia said.

“The language, yes. The advice is all you. You can be pretty intense sometimes, Liv.”

She pulled her to the sofa and sat down. “I try to listen, Connie, I really do. But sometimes, she doesn’t make any sense. She doesn’t want to talk about the things that are, or could logically be.”

“She’s a dreamer,” Connie said.

“An artist, through and through,” Liv said.

“She’s young, and a bit wild. Has she ever had to work for a mortgage, or a car payment?”

“I don’t think so,” Liv said, and shrugged.

“Those boring, prosaic tasks tend to bring the most passionate dreamer crashing back to Earth,” Connie said, and smiled. “It happened to me.”

“She’s in school,” Olivia said. “It’s a start.”

“I guess. But what happens if you can’t see eye to eye, even after she finishes? Is that the life you want to live?”

“You’re one to talk,” Olivia snapped.

Connie took it stride - she knew her friend. “Yes, I am. So maybe you should listen.”

“Monty loves her,” Liv said softly. “She’s really good with him.”

“But are you two good together? I know this is not a very middle class of me to say, but staying together for the children is complete bullshit. It just fucks them up mentally to grow up seeing two people who obviously don’t love each other stay together because of them. It causes an immense amount of damage.”

Olivia lay back and took a deep breath. “Okay. If Ella didn’t find someone else, would you still be with her now?” she said.

Connie stood up and looked out the window at the rain. John’s porch light was on, but the house looked empty. She missed him so intensely she shivered.

“Um…” she hugged herself. “I’m not sure.”

“So you were unhappy?” Olivia said.

“Yes. I was,” Connie said, nodding. “I love Poppy, but I felt like the bitch at the banquet with Ella, you know? Just licking up the scraps. I think it would’ve gotten old eventually.” What she didn’t say is, what if she had still been with Ella, but she met John at Monty’s birth?

“I know what you’re thinking,” Olivia said, standing and wrapping her arms around Connie’s waist again.

“No you don’t,” Connie said.

“Yes I do. You’re wondering what might’ve happened if you met John when I had Monty,” she said. Connie turned to give her a funny look.

“Freak! How?”

“Because I know you,” Olivia said. “Also, you speak with your expressions.” She pulled Connie back on the sofa. “He’s unsufferable. Like a hyperactive dog that you pity too much to slap his muzzle.”

Connie shook her head. That energy was one of the best things about him, since it took her out of herself. But she understood why Olivia felt that way.

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” Olivia said. “There’s no excuse, but I have a half explanation.”

“What is it?”

Olivia pulled her hair out of the ponytail and raked her fingers through it. “Something’s changed ever since you got here. The energy, if that makes any sense. And Alex has seemed a bit more keyed up than usual. In fact, she seemed to be reaching equilibrium, but you came and boom! She’s gone again.”

Connie made a face. “How do you mean?”

“I couldn’t quantify it if I tried, Connie. She’s got something on her mind, and you somehow set it off. I felt it. When we, uh…” she waved her hand over her lap.

Connie’s eyebrow rose.

“No, not that. But she’s unquiet somehow.”

“Have you asked John?”

Olivia snorted. “No.”

“It might be a good idea. They’re close, and even if you don’t believe it, he really cares about you.” She tapped on the desk he made her, which was beside the sofa.

“But it’s horrible,” she said, rubbing her face. “To have to speak to someone else about my partner’s state of mind.”

“Talk to her yourself without fear, or talk to him. The choice is yours,” Connie said. Olivia walked to the kitchen for a bottle of water, and Connie followed.

“This is nice,” Olivia said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “Being here with you. At least I’m not alone.”

Connie hugged her from behind, and despite the fact that her previous words still hurt, she hurt for Olivia more. She had no idea it was that bad.

Olivia tapped her arm. “I tried phoning her earlier, but she left her mobile here. There’s no telling when she might come back. I’m going to bed.”

“Alright,” Connie said. “I guess I should change out of this,” she said, pulling at the dress. They climbed the stairs, and Connie locked herself in the bathroom.

🌹🌹🌹

After her shower, she was walking downstairs when she heard a whisper.

“Connie?” The distilled sadness in her voice stopped her in her tracks. Olivia laid on top of the blankets, shivering in the dark. Monty slept peacefully in his crib.

“Give me a sec,” she said. She carefully put the dress on a hanger, then pulled the duvet from under her and lay beside her.

“This takes me back,” Olivia said, pulling Connie’s arms closer around her. “Oh, I put your jewelry in your purse.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Connie said.

“I deserved it,” Liv said. “You were right. I’m sorry.”

“No more sorries tonight. Sleep,” Connie said, and nuzzled her temple. They heard running footsteps, and John’s back door slammed. Olivia’s grip tightened.

“Will you stay?” Liv asked.

“Yes,” Connie said.

Olivia closed her eyes.

Next Chapter

#That Woman Over There #you me and him #David Tennant #fan fiction #the plot thickens #fluff gives way to high drama

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