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bi-ss · 4 months

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~ Ties that bind ~

Bucky x reader- arranged marriage.

Warnings - non, I don't think..

(This is a little bit of part 1, so I made write more I may not, we'll see. I'm also going to give the reader and her parents a positive relationship. idk I think it suits the best

You always knew you were to be married off. Your mother was always transparent with you about that. She always told you that you may not like the man or woman, but love was always hard to find anyway. So one day, when you were 16, you typed up an agreement and gave it to your father about if you were married off, what you wanted, you do have your mother's stubbornness after all.

*knock knock*

"Come in," hearing your father grumble, you push the dark wooden doors which you are a lot heavier than your dad and his men made it seem. You stand in the doorway for a second before your dad gets up from behind his desk. He slowly walked round, motioning for you to come in and close the door. He pulled a comfy seat out a bit before sitting on his desk. You sat out looking up at him, handing him the typed papers in your hands. He looked at the title and gave it back to you.

"Read it to me, Ladybug." You smiled at the nickname he used and has used since you were a baby. "I see your mother as prepared you for this, and I see you listened for once," he joked, knowing you never liked working or school for that matter.

"I don't want to be a housewife, can't think of anything worse," you scoffed at your remark while your dad just laughed, still smiling down at you. "But I would prefer if you read it then get back to me as I told mother I'd help her cook.. it's burrito night!" He slowly nodded at you. Reading aloud wasn't something you liked doing. Taking the papers stapled together, you got up and started walking towards the doors, dreading the embarrassment of trying to open them again, but you didn't have to. Your dad was right behind you, holding it for you like you didn't just use all the strength to pry it just a little.

That's how you life's always been, your mother, a housewife. Your mother was the most beautiful and mature woman to probably ever exist, her long vibrant curly ginger hair, her pale soft skin loaded with freckle, her forest green eyes complemented everything about her even those rosy cheeks and lips. She adored your father as much or even more as he adored her. They do say opposites attract, fitting for your parents as your father, the breadwinner. Your father was a handsome and smart man, with dark chocolate hair which your mother loved putting into pigtails, his skin is covered with tattoos front to back, up and down, his toned and tan skin barely visible, his one good eye a smokie light grey colour, is other eye was sew shut while being littered with scars. Your dad has become more careful and gentle when your mother is pregnant. It wasn't hard to see that his men liked this change to, according to your mother. An example is when the twins joined, Wanda and Pietro maximoff joined, and they were put through uni with help from the family in case they wanted an out, making sure they had a choice. They stayed by the family's side.

Now, 6 years later, you're sitting in your fathers office it hasn't changed a bit, you can't say the same about them, he was sitting on the worn-out leather chair with your mother behind him, their hair turning grey and with smile line proudly on display. You sitting at the side of the desk, not next to your dad and not next to Mrs and Mr Barnes, with their irritated son, James Barnes. The meeting was already off to a bad start when his girlfriend Sharon demanding to attend, but met with your dad saying he didn't have business with her and if that's know they did things, he'll call it off. You listened in on the conversation when your dad wasn't there, and to sum it up, Mr Barnes threatened, saying he'll disown his son and give it all to Rebecca. She's now at the bottom of the stairs being watched secretly by maids, workers, and guards. The elderly guest were very shocked at the fact they didn't even know you were there when they were giving the to toddler a reality check, which made both your parents proud and all 4 laugh about it. Before the definition of cantankerous, egocentric, and many more adjectives, you couldn't ever walk in.

. . . . .To be continued. . . .

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drea-exclusives · 3 months

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Week 1 — New Beginnings 🌟

The start of a new semester. The lead-up to this week was a bit anxiety-inducing honestly, since last semester didn't go that great and left me a tad bit nervous for what was to come. But now that I've reached the end of the first week, it's safe to say that it went quite a lot better than I had anticipated!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

Monday started off with a little get-together for brunch to celebrate Hieu's (Hilton) birthday! We were able to meet up with our beloved foundation friends, including 1 of them whom we hadn't seen often since August as she had taken a break after foundation before continuing with her degree this semester. Although Hieu and I only had class at 3 pm, we decided to have brunch to accommodate the rest of our friends who had both morning and afternoon classes, leaving us a bit over 2 hours to catch up over some good food.

Our brunch place of choice was a cafe located super close-by to uni called "Signature Cafe". We ordered a variety of breakfast foods to share and devoured them while chit-chatting on what we've been up to as of late, as well as the new semester. My heart feels full every time I get the opportunity to see them as it's difficult meeting up when you have different schedules; that is something uni life has definitely taught me, that you will go out of your way to make plans in order to meet the people dearest to you. And when that effort is mutual, that is surely a friendship worth investing in.

Later in the day, we had our first class of the semester in the auditorium. I was already semi-dreading the class before it had started, not because of the course or lecturer particularly, but because it was in Auditorium B, aka the auditorium with wooden seats that would leave us aching all over after a 3 hour lecture. In the end, we managed to make it through the class, with breaks between the lecture and snacks from the vendors of course. Not bad for a Monday, if I do say so myself.

Tuesday, on the other hand, was more chaotic. For context, I usually take the MRT to uni for less hassle, but I decided that I was going to drive on Tuesdays as I only had a 2 hour lecture and it wasn't worth the time commuting by train rather than if I were to drive, simply put. However, in an attempt to make it to class on time, I tried to find a parking spot as quickly as possible and ended up misjudging the length of my car in comparison to the parking lot. After barely squeezing my way in, I realised (way too late) that I was neither able to squeeze all the way in OR out as there were only a few centimeters of space between the cars in front and behind of me.

While I sat there in defeat and embarrassment for what felt like forever as the car that was behind me witnessing the entire scenario was finally able to safely drive past me, another car pulled up behind me. To my surprise, the driver winded down his window to tell me that there was an empty parking lot on the other side. In that moment I felt so grateful, not so much because he was kind enough to inform me about a vacant parking spot (although I appreciated it), but because he didn't harass me or embarrass me further for my parking skills.

The rest of the day was not doomed, however, as I attended Ms Ashley's first Creative Writing class after parking in a better spot. It was the first time in a while that I felt this interested towards a course in uni, in addition to feeling re-ignition towards my passion for writing. Although nerve-wracking doing creative writing again and I'm doubting my writing abilities a bit, I hope that I'll feel more comfortable soon to write with no pressure, just as how I feel writing this journal entry right now.

On Wednesday, I decided to go to the mall with my friend after class as I only had a morning class. My intention of going to the mall this time was purely to do some shopping as I really needed new clothes since a big portion of my wardrobe was worn-out. I had a simple but satisfying brunch in the food court with my friend, Mirha while we spent time catching up. While passing by a store, there was a promotion for 2 perfumes at the price of RM80. Although I wasn't intending to purchase perfume on that day itself, my RM40 was spent just like that as we each chose a perfume we liked. I had also bought a long-overdue jacket from Uniqlo, which albeit pricey but was of good quality. I left the mall that day tired and with my bank account crying a little, but fulfilled.

Thursday was a small surprise as I had completely forgotten it was Thaipusam holiday until my mum reminded me the night before. I spent the day unwinding and relaxing, as well as re-discovering an old hobby. While spring cleaning, my mum found my old rainbow loom kit which was in surprisingly good condition after 10 years. As I decided I would make use of them by doing some simple designs, it led to me hyperfixating on this old hobby once again, reminding me how much I used to love it and seeing glimpses of my pre-teen self. It is moments like these where I wonder where all the time went. 10 years had passed and in the blink of an eye, I am the age my younger self had always dreamed of being. Yet I am thankful for moments like these which allow me to heal my inner child; I think it is something a lot of people take for granted.

As for the rest of the week, it was pretty uneventful. My Friday was spent having an online class and visiting my grandma with my mum. There was a new caregiver today to help out my grandma as she hasn't been in great condition lately. But seeing that she didn't reject the caregiver's help and shoo her out of the room as she usually does, but instead praised her and spoke of how helpful she was, it was a sigh of relief for my mum and I. It's been a long month as it was the start of the year when my grandma's health deteriorated a lot, but I hope and pray that only good things are ahead of us.

Majority of my weekend, or rather Sunday night was spent writing the short story I was tasked to write. I had honestly dreaded it and left it to the last minute as I was completely clueless of where to even start. As the night went on, I felt defeated while struggling to put something together and decided to just go with the idea I had. After all, this was just the start and a short activity; there would be more chances for me to improve my writing as the course progressed. With that in mind, I ended the short story writing session as positively as I could, glad that I was at least done with the activity. (Side note: I wish I was using my brain when I picked books on culture and movie psychology.)

Week in Summary

This week I felt was a good combination of highs and lows, some of which I didn't include as they felt too personal. Starting or beginning something has always been difficult for me, it's so hard to leave the comfort zone which you've grown accustomed to and step into dangerous, unknown territory. However, I'm learning to embrace change as I had the realisation that this is what it's going to be for the rest of my life — constant change and unpredictability. And to move forward, I'm going to have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Having said that, I'm glad to have the support system I currently have of friends and family members; the people who I know will be there despite the changes in life or disagreements we may have. It's been a hopeful start to the semester, and I hope it remains that way.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

Song of the Week! This is a fun, little segment that I thought would be interesting to include in my journal entries! But it might not be something I'll continue to do because 1, I hyperfixate on songs and listen to them on repeat for weeks until I get tired of them and 2, if I'm being completely honest my music taste is essentially just basic teenage girl music. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just that this segment would be a lot more interesting from the POV of someone who listened to more music genres. But hey, it's authentically me and that's the whole point of the journal, so we'll see! This week's song is an OST from a K-drama I re-watched recently called "Lovestruck in the City". The first time I listened to it I had it on repeat for weeks after I had finished the drama and was down with post-drama withdrawal syndrome. And now, as expected the song has once again crept its way back into my Spotify playlists becoming my go-to song because it's simply that good. I have no doubts that it'll be at the top of my list for song choices for awhile.

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deepspaceclawstation · 9 months

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Personal trauma dump under the cut

Content warning for homophobia, effemiphobia, bullying, fatphobia, depression, ableism, and blanket warning for possibly heavy mental health topics

Uhh also for oversharing I suppose. Feel free to skip, it's just a self-serving rambling you won't be missing on much

I recently got invited to the wedding of one of my former batchmates, someone you could say was part of my closest friend circle in uni, and I have been of two minds about attending. Thinking about those people in that setting has led to some retrospection about the kind of person I was at that time. I am... not proud of that person to say the least.

While I was never really close to this particular person (they are more of a friend of a friend), I need to be clear that I really really loved and still love my friends. I think of them as my siblings (except one but I'm not talking about them here). I forgive them stuff I won't forgive anyone else for, accept them with all their follies, wish them nothing but happiness.

And yet. I kind of dread meeting these people again. That (along with the travel) has been one of the main reasons I'm thinking of declining. I can't face these people. I love them but I can't look them in the eye anymore. I don't want to. Because unwittingly or not, these people have hurt me. And they have hurt others like me, this one very much deliberately.

I have always been a person with attributes that have led to me being one of the 'bullied' rather than a 'bully', provided the assumption that you can treat these as mutually exclusive groups (hence the quotes). This kind of stopped sometime in 3rd grade which was when I got ill and the entire school knew about me as the sick kid with the weird-looking brace. Kids are cruel, yes, but they are also socially conscious. No one wants to be the asshole who picks on the openly disabled (at that time) kid, because doing so will get them labelled as a bully, and it's fine to be a bully but getting labelled as such is a social death sentence. Everyone knows that, even the kids (getting cancelled is not a new phenomenon). The same logic followed me to college even though these new people didn't know my medical history. I have that something which makes people hesitate before picking on me, a kind of social disadvantage that is so obvious that anyone taking advantage of it is seen as repugnant by others. An armour of sorts.

These people, my friends, they never picked on me. And they never 'bullied' bullied anyone. They didn't make someone's life miserable or difficult, not by themselves. They just fed into the already present stigma. One person who was IN the group with us they teasingly fat-shamed. Not in a mean way, always couched in concern about their health, they did it almost lovingly. Even the jibes were wrapped in 'we are not laughing AT you, we are laughing WITH you'. Just good-natured teasing. And if it did get overbearing at times, the tone just a breadth away from a sneer? Well, someone has to practice 'tough love'! We just have been Concerned, that's all! I am fat too, much more than the person they teased (bullied). But their fatphobic comments were never aimed towards me. I didn't think much about it, deliberately so, because if I thought about it I would realise what I am being a bystander to. I was a good little sheep who just tried to change the subject, or let out a few half-hearted 'hey! don't bother them!', or sometimes just... kept quiet. Not a peep out of me. Absolute mum. You want to know what the worst part is? I don't that person even blames me. Or even them. They most probably internalised that shit. I lost touch with them years ago but I got a status update recently that they have not been doing well mental health-wise. They aren't coming to the wedding.

That's not the only person I've wronged. One of my classmates was (when I knew him) an openly effeminate queer guy but he wasn't 'out' out yet. Everyone knew, of course. He called me a friend but I never treated him as such. He was annoying, there's no doubt about it. He used to cling to me as I was openly a part of the queer club (as an ally of course). He used to cling to me and skip class and ask me for notes and never took a hint. My 'friends' (the close friend circle he was NOT a part of) didn't like him but they were always friendly, always cordial, always polite. When we talked about him in his absence they never mocked him, they were just amused by his antics. They rolled their eyes and gave each other long-suffering smiles. I did too. I liked him and at the same time... I was embarrassed of him. He was always asking for my notes. I wished he would pay attention in class himself and not miss so many lectures. I wished he would keep his head down. Blend in a little. I knew I was queer myself and it wasn't his homosexuality that was a problem, I told myself. He just needs to tone it down a little. Stop making a pass at the straight guys, that's just asking for trouble. After all, our campus is pretty tolerant, it's not like anyone will dare to be outright hostile to him for no reason, and if they are he has us. As long as he stays out of trouble.

You can probably tell where this is going. I later learned that he was being bullied in his hostel, so much so that he had to transfer to another. After a point I had refused to give him my notes. It was at the convocation (last year graduation ceremony) that he confronted me about it. He said, "I was suffering at that time. I was slipping in academics and you didn't help me. I will remember that." He still sat beside me during the ceremony. He had a girlfriend at that time and he still chose to sit beside me. He looked beautiful in a saree.

I came out as bisexual to my closest friend circle in 3rd year. I first came out to that guy, at the same time he came out to me as the same. He was walking me back to my hostel and he told me, casually as ever. It felt like the easiest thing in the world to tell him right then. Five days later, I was in a Starbucks for the first and only time in my life with four of my 'close' friends and we were playing some trite party game and I came out to them. They took it well. I think they mostly had questions about what that meant. I remember being alone in the rickshaw back to campus with my crush (one of them but not really) and asking them, "Did I make things awkward?" They assured me that I didn't, albeit in a distracted way. I'd like to think they meant it. The next day, I was sitting at lunch with another of the circle friends (not one of the previous four). I don't know how or why it started but they started ranting, enraged and vitriolic, about my bi (now partially out) friend. I don't remember the specifics but the phrase that stuck out, or rather slapped me in the face was - 'you can't feel safe around a guy like that, can you?' I... didn't see that coming. In my mind, all of my friends, though ignorant about the finer points, were undoubtedly queer allies. All of them knew I was a part of the queer group, I attended queer meets, I volunteered for the events, and though I wasn't very out and proud about myself my gender presentation was clearly not conforming. I was devastated. This person was the second closest friend I had in the entire campus. We were from the same state, same caste and we had found a shared comradery among the mostly North Indian populace. I loved them like a little sibling and I felt Betrayed at that moment. I don't know what came over me but I did the only thing that felt right. I asked them, "You may not know this but I like both girls and boys. I'd like to ask you, do YOU feel safe around me?" At the time it seemed like the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life, this pathetic too-late retort exhausting almost all of my courage. They didn't answer and we didn't talk for the rest of the meal.

I don't remember how we got back from that. I think they apologised. I just know that no one made any disparaging comments about my friend in front of me after that. I could have done this before. I could have done more. I could have helped my other friend who was being 'teasingly' bullied. I could have spoken up in time.

I won't go into details but I also had some problems with sensory issues in my last year which made me miss out on some social events. A reason which I learned one of these 'friends' had been calling bullshit on behind my back (interestingly, this was the same person who was being bullied who was also the only person who had been homophobic (I think? it was weird) to me after I came out). It got so bad that I had to shut myself in my room and ghosted all contacts, and there were... check-ins to make sure I hadn't done anything stupid. I don't want to blame anyone for that, they were all concerned (for real this time) about me but being with them wasn't great for my mental health.

All this to say, I feel ashamed of the person I was at the time I lived with these people. I'm sure they are all different people now, some better, some worse, I'm both better and worse than before too. Things won't be the same. I haven't kept in contact, I'm sure they miss me and this is their way of reaching out to me. I just... can't. I can't establish contact again. I still love them, despite all judgement, but I don't want to let them in my life again. I'm making a decision which is going to have consequences and I'm so scared. But I'm going to do it. This feels more like cowardice than bravery on my part but it will still take every bit of my courage to do it. I don't have a lot of it, as you can tell.

#Personal #This will also be the last time I can meet my crush (my love?) before they get married #I'm purposely suppressing that fact #I feel like the worst kind of coward #All this just because I am a) not brave enough to confront people I love on their wrongs and #b) not (??) enough to not give a shit about them anymore

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wilted-sylleblossom · 2 years

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August 6, 2022

Dear diary,

I haven't been feeling myself lately, and today wasn't any different. Waking up, it feels like I was bound to my bed. My body felt heavy, and I couldn't get up as much as I had to. I got to at least sit up and start working on my computer.

But to top it all off, I had a terrible headache. My guess was food poisoning because my tummy was aching and the headache felt funny. So I opted to take aspirins and slept, while having to take bathroom breaks in between my sleep, all after telling my colleague that I couldn't make it today.

My favourite uncle, who had been sleeping over at our place finally went home as well. It made me a little bit sadder. I always enjoyed his company, which is funny considering I used to hate his guts in my childhood. Guess that karma really bit back at me, as my mom used to say "If you hate him so much, careful you'll end up loving him."

I tried cheering myself up by buying my favourite ice cappucino, though, along with raspberry hibiscus lemon tea for my sister.

And then I finally replied to my old friend's chat on Discord. He's a good friend from uni and he was checking up on me because he noticed how down I had been lately just from my tweets. We ended chatting for hours and I learned a whole lot more about him. We weren't that close during uni due to some circumstances but both of us had a feeling we'd make great friends if we had the chance to talk with each other more, and we were right. What spurred this on was learning that he was already divorced. While our friendship was platonic, it was that fact that made me no longer hesitate talking for hours with him. Before, I couldn't do it out of respect for his wife (now ex) as I feared I might give her the wrong idea, even if nothing happened between him and me.

It was great reconnecting with him. And I suppose it should make me feel better. And while I did feel better, I was still overwhelmed by this lingering sense of sadness and suffocation and anxiety. I don't know if it was the barrage of new information I got after finally being able to talk for hours with him (after all, during those conversations, I learned about what I was like in uni, how he and his friends viewed me, and not to mention recounting the painful things that happened back in uni, etc).

This thick fog or cloud of negativity wouldn't go away, so much so that I had to function the whole day pretending I wasn't that miserable. And every smile or laugh I tried to make to avoid my mom and sister getting worried was like a stab to my chest and a prick behind my eyes. My sister probably could sense it. We sleep in the same room, the same bed, and I made copious amount of self deprecating jokes as well as how tired or demotivated I feel. But my mom. I didn't want my mom to worry.

I don't know what was or is wrong with me. I kept thinking I got better, but every time, I still relapsed and every relapse seemed to get worse. I wondered sometimes if I'm just not meant for happiness, because even happy moments felt painful now. They felt fleeting, and that made me sad. Or, I felt like I didn't deserve them, which also made me sad. Or, maybe it was simply because I was miserable that I couldn't accept when my surroundings were happy or when I was supposed to be happy.

I couldn't help wondering what it would be like if I really had taken my life. All those people I failed to reconnect or maintain relationships with- everyone who hurt me in the past or had simply forgotten my existence. Would they mourn for me?

I know it's not worth actually doing it because now I have friends. Better friends who would be there for me. But even so I can't shake away this feeling. It's not that I'm ungrateful either. I just feel so lost. I feel so behind in life. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to plan for the future. I don't even know how I would be able to survive that long. I am filled with dread of what's to come. I don't know how to function normally. Society scares me. Jobs fuel my insecurity and anxiety.

I feel like I'm in a long, long nightmare. I just want this to be over. I want to be able to feel like myself again. But at the same time, I'm too tired to even try. I don't even know if it's worth it. Words of comfort and positivity feel empty to me. I'm an empty shell of a person I used to be.

I wish I could disappear. Not die. Disappear. Like I never existed. Like there would be no trace of my existence. If people, some people, decided to forget me anyways, why can't I just be completely forgotten? Disappear altogether?

#dear diary #august entry

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enigmasandepiphanies · 2 years

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the academic urge to lie on the floor because of existential angst

#shitpost #shitposts #eni tag #academia #existential angst #existentisl crisis #philosophy #sociology #uni is making me dread life as if i wasn't already doing that #chaotic academia #dark academia #light academia #science #life #romantic academia #student problems #txt

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Grace & Ava

Grace: I'm here in your postcode so like hmu if you need help Grace: after being a babysitter FOREVER kids crafts are TOTALLY my thing Ava: There's glitter on everything Ava: I'm going to have to pay to get their house professionally cleaned after this, I swear Grace: before you do I have to bring the boy over & 'accidentally' cover him Grace: cos he literally will not decide on a costume Ava: Yeah, he's crap at costumes Ava: I don't think I've even seen him in the obligatory devil horns Ava: mess up the hair, probably Grace: I mean, if my hair ever looked that good that'd be so relatable Grace: 😍😍 Ava: n'awh 😏 Ava: I'm glad someone appreciates the effort he goes to with the bleach Ava: god knows what I'm going to wear, the standard Halloween ideas aren't really applicable for a kid's birthday Grace: I love him but I hate him Grace: his eyelashes are better than mine as well Grace: right?! if his mum sees me in a lbd & cat ears she'll hate me more than she already does Grace: we could do joint costumes of a 🔪 in our backs though 🙄😂 Ava: What's she like? Grace: so rude Grace: she NEVER talks to me but the judgement is REAL 👀🔪 Grace: poor & a reformed hoe!? not in her house, honey Ava: and you didn't even homewreck her son's marriage so Ava: this is gonna be fun Grace: but I will if she tries to marry him off to some beautiful, rich, virgin or whatever Ava: I don't think they're that old school 😂 Ava: only if he managed to get a virgin pregnant Grace: don't even Grace: it's literally the one thing that would maybe score me points with her & I can't talk about it Ava: as satisfying as it'd be to throw out when she's being the most judgmental Ava: not worth it Ava: but you are gonna come, right? Ava: James wasn't sure Grace: yeah, I'm not trying to have a breakdown at her dining table soooooo Grace: of course we are, he practically begged me onto a flight to not have to go alone Grace: his sister has like 5 kids & Teddy can't deal with any of them Grace: what happens when you 👰👴 I guess Ava: Yeah Ava: I heard Ava: I just want them to have a good time Ava: James and the kids Grace: they will Grace: you've done amazing so far setting it all up Ava: there's nothing I can do to jazz up the guestlist Ava: it's bad enough that she might show but we can't plan for it Grace: Teddy thinks she will & Jay will have a meltdown, that's why he's totally dreading it Ava: I don't think she will Grace: idk but he's convinced Grace: he says she LOVES to make an entrance & bring drama Ava: Potentially Ava: I think she doesn't care enough about the kids, but that she doesn't intentionally want to hurt them Ava: just James Ava: there are better ways, after all, her parents are going to be there, they'd stop her before she could really do anything Grace: 🤞🏽 cos that does make sense Grace: & we all want you to be right, no offense to the bae Ava: If she's going to come back, she will, it'll have to be faced Ava: whether we're wearing cat ears or not Grace: yeah but like a 👶🎂 is not it Grace: even she must know that Ava: None of this is Grace: how's James? Ava: he's doing good Ava: considering Ava: it's a lot Grace: mhmm Grace: I'm avoiding Rio & Buster rn for a reason Ava: Yeah, he's mad at me Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: don't even worry he's mad at everyone for everything Grace: except Ri, duh Grace: like you said, it's a lot Ava: well it's kind of special circumstances Ava: he thinks I've picked a side Grace: cos it's that simple Grace: he's so extra & that's coming from me Ava: Maybe it is Grace: he wishes it was Grace: but it's not you & James vs him & Ri Ava: It's not that Ava: I just Ava: I don't think I agree with what he wants Grace: you want Jay to stay where she is Ava: Yes Ava: I think he's only thinking about himself Grace: well yeah, when isn't he? Ava: It's different Ava: it's two lives he could ruin Ava: three, Mattie too Grace: he's always done exactly what he wants however many lives it could ruin Grace: literally all you can do is keep trying to get through to him Ava: Yeah, that'll work Ava: like you said, he'll do what he wants Ava: but James won't just let her go, and if it goes to court, how has he proved he's a decent father? Ava: he's not acknowledged her, the possibility Ava: it wouldn't be as cut and dry as he wants it to be Grace: nothing is ever that cut & dry but ugh try telling Buster or Ri that Ava: Exactly Ava: isn't having Venus when they shouldn't enough Grace: don't even get me started Grace: it's such a mess Ava: it isn;t fair Ava: James raised her, stepped up Ava: had to deal with Chloe Ava: no one has the right to take her away now Grace: exactly Grace: they love each other Grace: you can't just break that bond like it doesn't exist Ava: for one that doesn't Ava: I don't want to pick sides, I love him, he's my brother Ava: but I can't say I'm okay with it right now, when I'm not Grace: he's being a selfish idiot rn though, you can say it to me, babes Grace: she's got a whole family here Ava: I know it's fucked, that Chloe told him he wasn't the dad Ava: but I can't get over that she told him he was Ava: you don't just Ava: why did he trust her the second time and not the first Ava: how could that be for anything but selfish reasons Grace: it's literally cos he wanted to Grace: & he's totally fixated on the wrong things, what does blood matter anyway? Grace: Billie's my sister not any one of the kids my dad had scattered across Dublin Ava: Maybe Rio said she'd leave him? Ava: but still, then he made his choice Ava: ugh Ava: I hate it Grace: me too Grace: everything is so Grace: fucked Grace: always Ava: how was your birthday anyway Ava: did you and Teddy do something nice? Grace: he did spoil me cos he knows my birthday is the literal worst & I tried not to brag TOO hard on socials Ava: Good Ava: you're only 16 once Grace: it's so weird Grace: being her age Ava: I thought about that Ava: on her birthday Ava: that she'd have only been 20 Ava: it seems so long ago, somehow Grace: like unless I die too now, I'm gonna be older than her Ava: they could take Libi if they want another child so bad Ava: alright, that was bitchy but nan and granddad won't be around forever either, I know they're not old old but Grace: they tried that already, so not really that bitchy Grace: god, she looks so much like her I actually can't breathe sometimes Ava: It's crazy Ava: and how big she is already Grace: did you see the 🎃 patch pics? It's wild, she's even dressed like Edie as a kid Grace: calm down nan Ava: I know Ava: I wish she had to chance to know her Ava: and her dad, of course Grace: yeah, I wish I'd known her better & I had way longer than Libi Ava: Like Billie's mum Ava: it's just sad Grace: idk maybe you get to 90 & you're still like I wish....whatever Grace: but like you said, it's unfair & I hate it Ava: It's never going to be something you can make peace with Ava: well, I don't think Ava: her life wasn't finished, it had only just started Grace: I don't think I wanna make peace with it anyway, it's not okay & none of us should just be okay with it Grace: but I can't cry rn so Ava: Me either Ava: I have too many sandwiches to make Grace: are you at home? I'll come over Ava: I'm at his but you can come over Ava: help me load up the car Grace: 👌🏽 omw Ava: You can have a cake pop early Ava: don't tell Jay Grace: 😂🤫 Ava: or more aptly, don't tell James she's already conned me out of two Grace: he'll definitely be able to tell when she's climbing the walls Grace: unless you've made a really convincing 🕷 costume too Ava: I know, I know Ava: it's bad Ava: but I don't think a little bit of excitement would actually hurt right now Ava: she's got to carry it, it's not like Mattie really has much of a clue what's going on yet Grace: & you don't want her feeling jealous & left out that you threw her baby sister such a great party Grace: that's the worst Ava: Yeah, she had hers in the Summer and it wasn't the best time, obviously Ava: I've tried to make sure she feels involved anyway Grace: Teddy can't believe how good you are with her, speaking of jealousy 😂 Ava: Kids pick up on your awkwardness, don't they Ava: like animals Ava: he just needs to fake it 'til he makes it Grace: mhmmm Grace: I told him it'll get easier the more time he spends with both of them, but you know what he's like Ava: Yeah Ava: at least no one is going to accuse him of trying to be their mother 🙄 Grace: 🤞🏽 she won't say it again in front of everyone 🥳🎁 Grace: awkward Ava: it's so patronizing Ava: it's not as if Chloe was a massive help Ava: he's done it himself this whole time, basically Ava: they don't need a mum Grace: she was literally the opposite of helpful Ava: at best she looked after them in the loosest sense of the word when he was at uni or work Ava: but 9/10 they'd end up with her parents so it wasn't as if she could be relied on Grace: are her parents coming? Ava: yeah Ava: I don't think they can even believe that she's done this Ava: gone Ava: I've met them a few times, dropping or picking the girls up, they're nice enough Grace: who'd wanna believe that about their family tbh Grace: but it's good that they're sticking around even though they probably wanna die if they've always been there Grace: the girls need that normality rn Ava: I'm sure they feel awful Ava: though James' family are blaming no one but him so they don't need to worry about judgment Grace: ugh I would kill Teddy if he sided with them Ava: I don't know if James knows he doesn't Grace: really? Grace: 🙄 boys never talk Grace: I'll talk to him, he knows how to show it even if he doesn't wanna say it Grace: they can go to the pub or whatever Ava: Yeah, I like, try not to comment or get involved Ava: know what it's like to have family drama Ava: but that's the feeling I've got anyway, it couldn't hurt them Grace: rich people need a bigger shove to open up, no offence Ava: 😂 it's a class issue, really Grace: in his family there's that whole stiff upper lip thing that I thought was totally not even a thing for the past however many centuries Grace: it's crazy, okay Ava: I know Grace: thank god he's the youngest or his mum would be coming at me to produce an heir Ava: you aren't good enough stock, obvs Ava: 🙄🙄 Grace: & she's only basing that off my 2 jobs & sexual history Grace: if she knew I was actually infertile she'd be giving him constant sti checks & changing the locks Grace: 😱😱 Ava: If you aren't titled and can't trace your family back to the dark ages, then they don't wanna know 🤷 Grace: so weird Ava: just how they are Ava: posh people Grace: yeah, it's wild, you should've seen the look I got when I said you were making sandwiches Grace: the boy does nothing for himself I swear Ava: he doesn't Ava: I've known him long enough Grace: Janis hated him on sight so at least you do actually know him Ava: doesn't really surprise me Grace: she only has 😍 for working class baristas so Ava: all my family hate James so you're doing better than me Grace: they just hate him for you, I've been there every other time Grace: they'll have to get over it & used to him eventually Ava: none of yours were married with two kids Ava: but still, yeah, they will Ava: or they won't, it's not like it's illegal so they can't do anything Grace: he's divorced now & literally deserves to be happy Ava: his happiness isn't their top priority Grace: yours should be though Ava: it is Ava: in that they think it's a mistake and I'll regret it Grace: if it is it's your mistake to make & regret to live with Grace: I've got 100000s Grace: 🤷 Ava: I can see their point, and what they're trying to do, without agreeing with it Ava: because I'm not as immature as they wanna say so Ava: it is what it is Grace: 👏🏽 Ava: I've got to do some homework, when you get here Ava: you don't mind do you Grace: it's fine Ava: it's due monday and I've barely started Grace: as long as Teddy doesn't ignore me for homework too Ava: awh, how could he Grace: idk maybe you're a better influence than me Ava: i'm not going to turn the party into a study sesh, don't worry Grace: 😂 I didn't bring any homework so I'm not worried Grace: I could probably cope with Jay's but I won't be telling her Ava: ✌ Ava: I highly doubt she'll wanna do hers either Grace: she can help me get him in the 🥳🎁🕺🎊 mood then Ava: 🤞 Grace: 🙏🏽

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immiesradio-blog · 5 years

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You’re My Best Friend ~ Roger Taylor x OC 6.1

Chapter 6.1

September 1968 Barbara's P.O.V

The past few months had been annoyingly and tremendously busy, full of paying work, working on my design project and keeping Stella content by helping her with her textiles project. I ended up feeling like I had lost all sense of fun and my freedom due to some deadlines that I had been given at the start of the summer and working on ever since.

Our Friday night bar gathering had halted for the last few weeks and before that we had only gone every other Friday night. Going to our gatherings was always something that I looked very forward to after a long day of drawing or painting and having to give it up for the time being was so tedious to me.

I'd always liked catching up with Freddie and Mary and what they were getting up to. Freddie had told me that he was following that band, 'Smile' and their gigs which were apparently around London around different university sites. He had also been telling me, the last time that I had been able to have a conversation with him, that he had made new friends in this band, that one of them was helping him at the stall that he and Mary were running in Kensington and that I should visit the stall and meet him.

Anyway, I had a lot of work to do and declined the offer of going to the stall at this moment in time due to work, maybe in the near future.

"We've got one of those letters again, Barb," Stella calls from the corridor of the apartment as I stayed seated on the sofa with the radio on.

"Oh goodness, what do they want now?"

Me and Stella had received a letter a few days ago about the apartment and how we were slow at meeting deadlines in paying the rent. This had also been another reason why I had been so beside myself and stressed, getting more hours done at Beba while also balancing my time doing uni work.

"It's another reminder, we need to pay in the next week."

I sigh in defeat, "Fuck sakes."

"We can do it Barbara, let's work as much as we can this week, get as many hours as we can," She reassures as she walks into our living room.

My head ached from all the work that I had already done, things had been made so much harder for me due to the lack of help from our parents, we were still young and doing a lot more than most people studying at our university. On the other hand, this was a wake up call for me, how hard life was going to be financially when I'm older, might as well understand that now, "I guess so,"

"Hey! I have a great idea," she blurts, holding her hands up to the air, "We could also do some work with Fred and Mary. Their stall?"

"Holy shit!" I say, "You're right, how did we not think about that before?"

"I don't know," she replies before we both let out a laugh of relief, "When are you next seeing Freddie?"

I sit back and think, "We don't really have anything planned, but he's always mentioning that band, maybe they have a gig coming up?"

"Perfect. When will you be going to uni tomorrow?"

"Around nine?" I say, moving my hand up and wiggling it a little to emphasise the fact that I wasn't actually too sure, "If I'm not lazy."

"Get up, let's have a tea," she commands, grinning, "Please just make sure you see him tomorrow, it'll be a nice thing to do for them since it's only the two of them at the stall."

"Three now apparently," I reply, "But it will be a really nice thing to do and Freddie has been wanting us to visit their stall for ages."

"Three?" She asks, turning around and stopping in her tracks from making the tea to face me.

"Yeah, one of the guys from that band has apparently started helping," I reply, shrugging my shoulders, "But yes, I will make sure that I ask."

"And if there is a gig coming up, please just go, don't stay home if I suddenly get sick, leave me to die," she states with a humorous smirk.

"Okay Stel."

The next day I had made sure that I was awake at a decent time in order to catch Freddie in the design room. My eyes ached as i practically dragged myself out of my bed and grabbed a quick bit of breakfast from the cupboard in the kitchen before leaving to do some work and also to see Freddie.

Surprisingly enough I had been the first person to enter the Graphic design room, the lights were off and everything was neat and tidy. I let out a yawn as I switched on the light and slowly walked towards my allocated draw to get my almost completed second sketchbook.

I sat alone in the room for what felt like ages when really, it had only been about half an hour since I had arrived. My sketchbook was placed in front of me on a page that I was improving with some more detailed illustrations that I would soon splatter paint over.

Soon after a few people had come in to get some work done considering that the deadline for our project was in a few weeks time. Funnily enough, as soon as I was beginning to worry about Freddie and whether or not he was going to show up, he came waltzing into the room, practically lighting it up with his presence.

He grinned widely as soon as he saw me, walking quickly towards me and taking a seat next to me, "Barbara I missed you!" He leant towards me so that our sides were pressed together, we hugged as if we hadn't seen each other in years.

"I missed you too Freddie, even though it's been about a week," I reply, letting out a loud giggle as we pull away from each other.

"It's been dreadful not having my drinking partner with me," he confesses, frowning falsely, "Miserable."

"Likewise," I sighed as I picked up my pencil and shading a few little shapes, "I'm so so sorry Freddie, I've just been so stressed out about work and money. I've had no time for drinking or having fun whatsoever."

A look of genuine concern spread across Freddie's face and he reached forward and placed his hand on my right arm, rubbing up and down gently, "Barbi-darling, why haven't you said anything?"

"I haven't had the time to, all I've been doing is working non stop," I whisper, trying not to raise any kind of attention towards me.

"I must help, it's my duty to help."

"I was actually wondering if me and Stella could help you with running the stall? I'm sure we could be of help to y-"

"Of course, of course, consider it done," he assures me as he continues holding onto my arm gently, "Me and Mary are desperate for you to come and see the stall."

"That's a relief," I say, feeling like a whole weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Just come whenever you feel like it, you know the address don't you?" He asks and smiles when he sees me nod, "I will also introduce you to my new friend too."

I smile weakly in response. I must've looked like an absolute wreck this morning considering I had not put any make up on this morning which meant that the bags under my eyes would be very distinct and I had also grabbed the first items of clothing that I'd seen after getting out of bed.

"I know what you need dear."

"W-What?"

"A night out with yours truly," he replies with a reassuring smile.

I groan in annoyance, "You know that I'd love to, but I can't, I have to work."

"You're working yourself too hard Barbara, one night won't hurt you," He states, his face and tone serious as his eyes don't leave mine for one second, "For me? I'm missing our nights out so much."

I just couldn't reply to him, I really didn't want to let him down, that was last thing that I wanted to do, "Me and Stella might get kicked out if I don't work non stop this week."

"And me and Mary will do everything that we can to help you, you know that, it's all going to be okay, you can come over to the stall as much as you want," he explains, "Make some money there. Don't worry, you've got Beba, Stella's got the coffee shop, and now the stall, we will also give you some extra tip money."

"No, Freddie, allowing us to have some work at the stall is enough, I won't allow you to dig into your own pockets for money for me," I tell him sternly.

"You'd do the same for me if it were the other way round."

I stay silent, knowing that he was right, but not wanting to admit it. His face stays serious and I give up right then and there as I know that he won't change his mind, "Fine."

"Now, about that night out. 'Smile' are doing another gig here in two days time, I'm going, but I need my drinking buddy with me?" He says, his eyebrows raising expectantly at me as I look up at him from my drawing, waiting for me to answer him.

"Well, I'm sure one night won't do any harm," I state, a cheeky grin slowly spreads it's way upon my lips as Freddie's face lights up, immediately leaning forward and pulling me into a tight hug.

"Amazing," I hear him mumble against shoulder, when he pulls away from the hug he holds onto each of my shoulders with a huge grin still evident on his face, "You'll meet my new friend Roger!"

I felt my whole body freeze at the mention of the name. I knew that it couldn't be my Roger, that would be so unlikely, it couldn't be, it must be someone else who shares his name. My heart seemed to race as I remembered my long lost best friend, I hadn't thought about him in months, but in that moment it all came flooding back, everything.

"Are you okay darling?"

Freddie's question had snapped me out of this trance that I had got myself into, "I er- I'm fine, sorry, tiredness."

"So you're coming?"

I force a smile, "I'm coming, I promise."

"Two days from now, I will be picking you up from your apartment," he informs me with a smile, his front teeth showing as he throws his arms up in the air, shaking his hands excitedly.

And of course the two days had flown by since I had been doing some more extra shifts which meant that the hours had passed by in no time.

"Have you got an outfit planned?" Stella asks, popping her head into my bedroom.

"Stella! I could've been undressing, or worse, naked!" I shout, grabbing one of my pillows and chucking it at her face, but missing by a mile.

"I'm sorry. You know I can't help it when it comes to picking outfits!" She whines, placing her hand over her heart and pulling an ugly cry face.

I groan, pulling the spare pillow laying on my bed over my face, "I've got hours to get ready."

"Get up!" She squeals, giggling as she runs over to my bed and grasping onto my hands, pulling me up.

"Okay, Okay."

Stella had dressed my into a neon blue dress that she had dug out of her own wardrobe for me as we were similar sizes. I grabbed some tights while she had found the dress and I quickly ran into the bathroom, extremely excited for my night out with Freddie.

"Don't forget make up!" I hear her call from outside he bathroom.

I thought to myself, I wondered how lucky I was to have such a perfect roommate.

She was incredible at doing make up, she had done a perfect wing of eye liner and blue eyeshadow with a slight purple tint of lipstick on my lips. I gave myself a look over in the mirror, checking myself out, I hadn't looked this good in months.

"I don't know what I'd do without you Stella."

"Me neither," she replies confidently, smiling widely, "Would you like a drink before your night out?"

"Maybe a little, a very little gin," I say, laughing, "What are you doing tonight anyway?"

"A late shift at the cafe."

"Ah, okay," I felt quite bad leaving her for a night out drinking while she had to go out and work, "I told Freddie about our situation, he told us that we are welcome to the stall anytime."

"Wonderful."

Soon after the little drink that Stella had poured out for me, I heated a faint knock at the door. I quickly jumped up off of the sofa and ran towards the door in excitement, seeing Freddie on the other side.

"Hello darling!" He smiles, stepping forward and hugging me for the third or fourth time that day, "You're looking absolutely beautiful."

"And you, are looking quite handsome yourself," I tell him, grinning as I motion for him to come in, "How long do we have until the gig starts?"

"An hour, we must have a quick drink beforehand!" He walks straight past me, greeting Stella and walking immediately to the kitchen, to the cupboard where we kept our alcohol.

"I've already had a cheeky gin."

"Well then, I shall pour you another one," he says, quickly pouring out three glasses, passing Stella hers before bringing mine and his to the living room.

"Thank you Fred," I say as he passes me the glass.

We needn't worry about the location of the bar since it was only five minutes away from the apartment, this was the one that me, Freddie, Stella and Mary would usually go after a long day of studying, and sometimes they would have live bands playing, I'd just never had the pleasure of seeing a band as good as 'Smile' apparently.

Me and Freddie walked to the bar, arm in arm, I tripped over my feet once or twice on the way. Once we had got into the smallish building itself, we had to walk down what I pictured as being a very long and steep flight of stairs. Every single step I was guided by Freddie, he made sure that I would not trip over and fall to my death and visa versa.

"Let's get some drinks."

He grabbed my hand and led me to the bar which was surrounded by many other people with drinks in their hands.

Freddie ordered two pints of beer, passing one over to me, "ten minutes."

I nod, bringing the glass to my lips, taking a long sip of beer, "Ten minutes? I think that's just enough time for us to have a quick cig don't you think?"

"I should think so, may I have one of yours?"

"Of course you can," I tell him, giving him a kind smile before reaching into my bag and taking out my pack of cigarettes, passing one to him and then taking out one for myself.

"You'll love them, Barbara," he insists, grinning has he brings the cigarette to his lips and breathing in.

"Oh I'm sure I will," I grin, "So which instrument does your friend play in this band? The one that helps you with the stall."

"Drummer, he's magnificent."

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Nancy: Do you want me to come down and stay with you, it can't be much fun just having Buster for company, like Rio: That's okay, I can't have you playing truant too Rio: I'm going to make him go back before long, swear Nancy: Ri, please. You know what school is like for me, any excuse, I swear Rio: Your 'rents would have me like forreal Rio: I know how shit it is, even more now, soz Nancy: Do you hear them shouting down the phone to him? No 'cause they aren't Nancy: Not to be that bitch, 'cause it's so not funny, but you have kind of taken the heat off me so Nancy: I owe you Rio: Priorities, like, though I dread to think what happens when your Mum gets to me on her list Rio: Reckon I can claim that as any kind of excuse/reasoning or? Nancy: Don't worry nobody exists to her right now but my Auntie Nancy: Which is a sentence I never thought I'd say Rio: I know, but that's good, I mean Rio: as good as anything can be Rio: You know I never meant to do this to her, right Nance? Nancy: Of course Nancy: I think I understand better than most, right? Rio: What do you mean, like? Nancy: You and him Nancy: You didn't mean to, like I didn't, but it happened 'cause it had to, you know? Nancy: You can't help how you feel, even if you want to Nancy: Especially when you want to, like Rio: Oh, no no Rio: It really isn't like that Rio: like, I hear what you're saying on all that but that's not what that was Nancy: You and him aren't Nancy: I don't know how to word it now Nancy: But he looks at you like Nancy: And you're always tilting your phone away for someone Rio: Not him Rio: I wouldn't lie, I'm not saving myself from anything at this point, if that was going on I'd tell you Rio: He wanted it to and, yeah, I knew that before this baby shower but I didn't lead him on or encourage him Nancy: Okay, well now I feel weird Nancy: Fuck, I'm sorry Nancy: I really projected there Rio: It's okay Rio: It'll be the general consensus and almost certainly how he'll frame it but no Nancy: It's not okay Nancy: He did that and I've been talking to you this way Nancy: Wow Rio: I mean, I don't think I did Rio: I thought he was good looking, sure and I tried harder with him than most of us did but Rio: I didn't actually want anything to happen, nor think it would Nancy: I'm as bad as him so there's nothing I can say Nancy: But I still think you'd know if you did or didn't Nancy: And if you didn't want anything to happen, the signals are there, even if you are that committed to only seeing what you wanna see Nancy: He can ignore them but like, you still gave them out Rio: Don't say that, you aren't like him at all Rio: You'd never do or say half the things he did Rio: especially when he had so much reason to know I wasn't interested, you're right Nancy: I mean, I did kiss someone who didn't want me to Rio: It is different, just by nature of what it is, was Rio: Should you have done it? 'Course not but there was never reason or chance for Sian to give out the clear no I did Rio: Because, well, you know Nancy: Yeah Nancy: If I thought for a second that she didn't want me to, I wouldn't Nancy: He clearly didn't have the same qualms about it Nancy: That's so disgusting Nancy: On levels that I can't even Rio: I know she won't be ready to hear it Rio: probably not ever from me Rio: but Ro is better off without him Rio: he's still dealing, which I think we all knew Rio: and I've seen him out, he isn't her Prince Charming, like Nancy: Me and mum have been saying it for as long as they've been together Nancy: As much as she'll talk about any of it to me Nancy: I've overheard more than she's probably ever said but Nancy: I feel like I can't tell her either 'cause it's like oh the man hating lesbian at it again Nancy: But he's just Rio: He really is Rio: and he isn't a good Dad Rio: maybe he'll be better for this one but, he isn't to Edie and Indie barely thinks of him that way either so Nancy: Poor Astrid Nancy: Maybe we can move Ro in with us now? I don't know Nancy: Like it's at a point that I'd move into Indie's room at hers if she'd let me Rio: I'm glad she's got you all around, she's going to need the help Rio: My Ma and all of them will be there too Nancy: Let's be honest, she would of even if he hadn't done this Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: I'm never having kids ever Rio: Yeah Rio: I was joking that that shower was effective contraception before but now Rio: fucking hell Nancy: It's made me not wanna have sex again and I can't even get pregnant so Nancy: Good lord Rio: Think that's the first time I've legitimately laughed since Rio: Oh babe Nancy: Rio? Rio: Yeah? Nancy: Where are you gonna be? 'Cause you said your family will all be there but Rio: I don't know, honestly Rio: but my job at the angel is coming to an end and then with all this Rio: I might try somewhere else, just for a bit Nancy: It worked for me Nancy: I'll miss you though Rio: I'll miss you too Rio: You're gonna be going soon too though, yeah? And June and Buster Rio: I don't want to be the only one left behind just 'cos I don't have the brains, like Nancy: We'd never leave you behind Nancy: You can go in my place if you want, change the major to maths or something Nancy: I don't want to Rio: You've got to Rio: You're just scared, but it'll be incredible, and the right thing for you, most importantly Nancy: I'm really, properly scared whenever I think about it Nancy: What if it's worse than here 'cause I'm alone on top of everything else Nancy: I can't just change schools like I did before Rio: You can, like, that first year Rio: but you're not going to want to, it'll be nothing like School Nancy: Everything's changing so much, like you said Nancy: I'll even miss Buster, and what the fuck is that, like? Rio: He'll be wanting to visit all the time Rio: Me too, like Nancy: I need to see where I can get accepted first, slow down you two Rio: You so will though Rio: World's your oyster Nancy: Yours too Nancy: And we still have Milan, yeah? Rio: Romantic 😉 Rio: but yeah, I've not drank away my funds or anything drastic yet Nancy: I was gonna say I love you, but I'll keep it to myself now, fine 😏 Rio: New drama alert Rio: they'll not survive Nancy: Don't Nancy: I can't handle any more Nancy: It hurts so much, doesn't it? Rio: It does Rio: got to believe that was rock bottom though Rio: can't get any worse, only way is up, all that shite Nancy: God, I hope so Nancy: Give us a break Rio: Backatcha Rio: No more scandals from either of us, right? Nancy: It's my brother's fucking turn Nancy: While I'm on the subject, can I ask you something? Rio: Sure Nancy: Why pick him for a getaway driver? Of all of us Nancy: I know what he said but Nancy: I'm not saying it's the weirdest part of this, but I'm also not saying it isn't Rio: Gays can't drive, right? Nancy: I'm a walking stereotype, alright, emphasis on the walking Rio: 😂 Rio: Exactly Nancy: Tell him not to spend every euro on himself, yeah? Nancy: Nobody needs to eat out every night in a new look Rio: I did drag him to Skerries, no doubt the response but I'll let him know Nancy: He loves it don't let him deny it Nancy: Even if he did nearly drown 🙄 Rio: Another touchy subject Nancy: When his ego is involved, if you aren't stroking it you're asking for trouble Nancy: Boys ugh Rio: Don't need to tell me, babe Nancy: I won't bother telling you that girls are far superior Nancy: What do I know? Rio: Is it? 😏 Nancy: Can you please come back soon so I don't have to drink alone Nancy: I need my wingwoman back Rio: 'Course Rio: London is on my list of maybes so might even meet you there, like Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: If you run into Chlo, you know what to do Rio: Absolutely Rio: Doubt I'm affording her postcode but I'll drop by with the 👊 Nancy: You doesn't even have that much money, she just acts like it Rio: If I can take any life lessons from the bitch, like Nancy: As long as you stop there and don't take fashion tips too Nancy: I still have to be seen with you in Milan, like Rio: 😂 Where's the lie Rio: she was stalking me a while back, bizarrely so I was petty and did some myself and yikes Nancy: I try not to be that bitch but I HATE her so much Nancy: Oh? How and why? Rio: Understandable Rio: I reckon she keeps tabs on us all, she's like weirdly obsessed with you and your Brother Rio: idk, she double-tapped by mistake, amusing Nancy: Gross Nancy: But I was the one who fancied her, okay babe sure Nancy: I bet she tries to look up all of Buster's conquests still, good luck with that Nancy: I'm invested and even I gave up years ago Rio: Honestly Rio: ain't in a mood to be talking about ladies who doth protest too much but well Rio: look what you made me do Chloe Nancy: Her and Drew should start a club and get jackets Rio: She'd love that Rio: get rid of 'em both in one, bit hopeful perhaps but worth a shot Nancy: I try never to feel any sympathy for my brother ever, but she really drove me there Rio: It was fucked Nancy: It's messed his head up Nancy: I can see how sad he is Rio: I know Rio: but he'll be alright Rio: we all will Nancy: Yeah Rio: I promise Rio: hit me with a more enthusiastic yeah thanks Nancy: yeah!! Nancy: I miss you already Rio: You're cute Nancy: Try and control yourself though Nancy: No drama, remember? Rio: 😂 Rio: It ain't gotta be drama baby Nancy: Are you gonna divorce yourself from our bloodline so we aren't cousins? Nancy: Quite drastic but I like it Rio: That's just the kind of dedication you can expect from me Rio: What can I say? Nancy: No other girl has ever gone that hard for me Nancy: So thanks Rio: Should hope not Rio: 👀 up the sibs now Nancy: 😂 Nancy: On the dedication scale in general, babe Rio: Whatever you say, McKenna Nancy: What I should say is that I have so much homework to do Nancy: Which I gotta since you won't let me skip 😒 Rio: Unlucky babe Nancy: As you're also insisting I'm uni bound I better stop complaining and just do it Nancy: So high maintenance you are 😏 Rio: Obviously Rio: always about that sugar Nancy: Don't be a stranger, like Nancy: And don't start preferring the other twin, yeah?

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Bea & Fraze

A mess

Bea: Hey Bea: Soooo how'd you do end of term? You've finished now too, yeah? Fraze: I did well enough. No doubt you did too. Fraze: Yeah I'm done too Bea: 👏 Congrats! Yeah got a first on my big project, thank God, worked hard enough Bea: Off celebrating tonight then? What you up to? Fraze: Cheers. Nicely done, babe. Knew you would Fraze: 'Course. Whole group of us heading out on a crawl soon. What plans are worthy of a first then? I dread to think Bea: Thanks 🙂 Bea: That'll be fun, probably avoid the mongrel or go there first before the real carnage, ay? Bea: Well, trying to organise something worthwhile but everyone's being useless Bea: I'll make something happen on my own if not, I guess...What else is a girl to do, like? Fraze: No need to thank me, you put the work in as per. Fraze: It's first stop, gotta get all the free drinks flowing in my honor. Charity ain't gonna extend any further and I'm in my overdraft Fraze: If anyone can you'll figure it out, give your brain a final go before the blow out Bea: Not that my victory laps can extend as far as home Bea: Still so much to do, not sure if I'll fit in a flight back, like Bea: Ahh, tis what the overdraft was made for 😉 if it helps ease your pain, sure I'll be buying my own tonight as well 😒 hard old life init Fraze: Can't get the staff. Fraze: Yeah, I should've reckoned on coming your way though, yeah? Begging and borrowing'll be a real fucking mare Fraze: You can do a few days can't you? Work on the flight like Bea: Don't worry about it, there's no need it'll be School's out for Summer next time, so obviously I can be back then, at least for some of it Bea: Enjoy your freedom Bea: Even if it is on limited fundzzz, sure you won't let that stop you Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Goes without saying Fraze: don't put yourself out and I won't worry Bea: What, d'you wanna come and watch me work? You'll be so bored Bea: I'm doing you a favour, trust Fraze: Sounds like it Fraze: Cheers for that Bea: You're welcome Bea: I'd just be knackered, the train to London is bad enough Fraze: Fair enough. Always doing that though, aren't ya? Say hi to Joe for me next time, make it really worth while trip Bea: If I see him, I will Bea: I've not got any friends in Dublin Bea: Hardly think you or your friends want me gatecrashing your plans Bea: think what that'd do for your street cred 😂 Fraze: oh yeah a hot girl on my arm would proper tank it Bea: Would with the other hot girls Bea: Unless homewrecking is their game and I'm not feeling being a party to that Fraze: I don't play games with them so I could care less Fraze: You know I'd survive no need to use me as an excuse for not showing up Bea: How thoughtful of you Bea: Such a gent Bea: It isn't an excuse, though like I want to come back and see that Bea: Can take a look at my syllabus if you don't believe me, fucking hell Fraze: They know what they're getting, so do you Fraze: We've all got shit to do, Bea Fraze: I'm making time to have this convo right now, aren't I? Bea: Excuse me for pointing out I got a shittier deal Bea: Shut up and take it, yeah? I don't think so Bea: No one is making you, I was just making conversation or is that off the cards too now Bea: Okay, good to know Fraze: We made this deal together, don't act like I fucking forced you Fraze: You said yourself that Dublin is shitty for you so how exactly are you the martyr here, living it up in London? Fraze: Don't start, you know exactly what I was trying to say and it ain't that. Fraze: We're both busy, we both wanna pass, if you wanna see me then do Fraze: If you don't, just say it instead of wasting my time Bea: Well, its a good thing we're both getting an education now, isn't it? Bea: You act like I'm there all the time, I hardly ever go out, not like you; one rule for you another for me! Bea: Its not about want, is it Bea: and I've said I can't already so, take that as your answer if you're going to be so pig-headed about it, Fraze Fraze: If you're gonna be such an idiot then yeah, it is. Fraze: I'm not some useless pisshead, but cheers for the vote of confidence Fraze: I don't go out half as much as I want, so nah, it clearly ain't Fraze: Fine. I'll head out now then, yeah? since you're done with me Bea: Don't call me an idiot Bea: Or put words in my mouth Bea: OR put that on me Bea: obviously Uni isn't one long party but that isn't my fucking fault Bea: nor am I saying you shouldn't be going out Bea: Do what you want Fraze: Unless what I want doesn't suit you Fraze: Cheers for the permission to go out though, ma, nice one Bea: Fuck you Bea: Want me to give you a fucking pat on the back for however many sluts you can fuck in a night? Nah Bea: You've got your mates for that Bea: Don't paint me out as some crazy over-protective bitch Bea: I don't have to like it, and I certainly don't have to hear about it Bea: How would you like it? Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: you're pissed at me for wanting to see you, pissed at me for seeing other girls, I can't fucking win with you Fraze: I ain't painting you any way, that's all you. Your words from your mouth Fraze: And I wasn't offering you a peek into my little black book either Fraze: I've never held that over you so you can fuck off for suggesting it Bea: Don't tell me you didn't say things when I can see them right there with my own eyes Bea: You called me your Mum, its hardly complementary Bea: Yeah, best kept secret Bea: That's healthy, that's fun Bea: for fuck's sake Fraze: You see what you wanna see, babe Fraze: It wasn't meant to be. But cheers for calling my ma a crazy bitch like Fraze: You've gotta even more a judgey know it all since you started hanging with that cambs lot, very healthy and fun that Bea: And you believe your own bullshit Bea: I'm not buying Bea: The comparison shouldn't ever enter your head, how fucked up are you? Jesus Christ Bea: Well if I'm so fucking awful why don't you just do it then Fraze: Better than believing yours right now Fraze: How fucked up are you? I was joking 'cause you love telling me what I can and can't do. End of Bea: I haven't told you once what to do Bea: but sure Bea: its all my fault Bea: so do it, stop being a pussy and do it Fraze: stop telling me what to do Fraze: Jesus Christ Bea: You want to Bea: so why don't you? Fraze: You have no fucking clue what I want Fraze: I told you and you still don't Fraze: why don't you listen Bea: well, distance and time apart will do that Bea: why don't you find someone who's clued in? Bea: another one, like Fraze: Fuck's sake, Bea Bea: Don't Fraze: One rule for me, one for you Fraze: Stop it Bea: No Bea: Its too late Fraze: It's not Bea: It is Bea: you're not going to do it so I have to Bea: or its just stalemate and who wants that? Fraze: Bea, don't Bea: S'no big deal, happens to everyone, right? Bea: who makes it nowadays Fraze: Us. We do Fraze: Just stop Bea: Only because I'm letting you cheat on me Bea: we're letting each other, whatever Bea: it shouldn't have to be like this Bea: you'd feel less guilty Fraze: It doesn't have to be like anything Bea: but it is Bea: and i'm sick of it Bea: i need a break Bea: i'm crazy you're right Fraze: I didn't mean that Bea: Regardless Bea: the shoe fits Fraze: It fits me too then, so fucking what? Bea: The what is a why...Why are we doing this to each other? Fraze: You know why Bea: Its hard Bea: and it doesn't make it any easier Fraze: I know Fraze: What do you want me to do? Bea: Be here now Bea: but you aren't, and you can't Fraze: I'll get on a plane right fucking now, then a train as many as it takes Bea: you can't always do that Bea: and shouldn't have to Bea: thought you didn't want to be told what to do? Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I love you Bea: Promise? Fraze: On my life Bea: Don't Fraze: I do Bea: But don't on your life Bea: I love you too much Fraze: I have to. It's true and you have to know that Fraze: You are my life, Bea. That's it Bea: Exactly Bea: I was meant to let you have a life, have the uni/teenage experience whatever Bea: then see where we stood and I can't even do that Bea: still holding you back from here Fraze: No Fraze: Bullshit. You've never done that. I'm only here studying in the first place 'cause of you Bea: That's not true, you got in on your own merit, don't do yourself down Fraze: Yeah it is and you know that too Bea: Well, you're still passing now and I've been less than helpful Bea: its a miracle I am Fraze: This ain't cambridge, babe Fraze: Or architecture Fraze: You're smart, stop being an idiot. You don't need a miracle you just need to keep working like you have been Fraze: I've not helped with that Fraze: If you seriously want a break from me, say the word, yeah? But don't make it something it ain't. For me or you Bea: Its still an achievement, Cambridge is not the be all end all people make it out to be Bea: degrees a degree and its just a piece of paper that helps us get to where we want, fingers crossed still, like Bea: you should be proud, I am Bea: but I've not been working as hard as I should Bea: Like you said, I'm always in London Bea: that's the real waste... Fraze: You can do this. If you haven't been working hard enough go from now Fraze: There's so much time left Bea: I know but Bea: No Bea: I know Bea: I have to get my shit sorted Fraze: You and me both, babe Fraze: in it together, yeah? Same as always Bea: Yeah Bea: just don't fall in love with any of them okay Fraze: Okay Fraze: I won't if you don't either Bea: Not going to happen Bea: I can assure you Fraze: Good Bea: You idiot Fraze: You love it Bea: Must do Fraze: Go out tonight though, yeah? You deserve to celebrate Bea: Ha, s'not going to be much of a celebration Bea: Isn't like I'm surrounded by friends here either lol Bea: I'm clearly just not made for it, like Fraze: I'll trade you this shower of cunts if you like Fraze: not the be all and end all either I promise you Bea: I know its true, not as if I don't have the opportunities, I just can't fake interest or maintain something that doesn't feel worthwhile Bea: So, not technically missing out Bea: Just...must be nice to be normal Fraze: I'll let you know how it feels if I ever get there Fraze: fuck knows why you'd wanna be normal, everyone in cambs wants to be you babe Bea: Come on, you're normal Bea: Mr. Average in every sense of the word 😉 Bea: too soon to joke? Fraze: come on, you can do better than that Bea: Yeah, true Bea: Currently cussing out Ronnie too, taking up all my bitchy energies, she's needy like that Fraze: Give her a fuck off from me Bea: Its been heavily implied, and returned, naturally 🙄 Bea: Needs must and I need drugs so Fraze: Not enough in all of London to make her bearable Fraze: Fuck that Bea: Not inclined to disagree rn Bea: That's Friday nights for ya Bea: what would it be without the drama Fraze: better Fraze: you've gotta ditch that lot they're doing you no favors Bea: They aren't THAT bad Bea: I can handle them Bea: and myself, for that matter Fraze: I know you can Fraze: Shame they can't handle themselves Bea: Aww babe, they won't appreciate your concern Bea: I think its cute though Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I'm not concerned I'm ashamed to have 'em on my radar Bea: Well, its not like you've gotta be seen with them Bea: or will be any time soon Bea: much to Charlie's dismay Fraze: Thank Christ Fraze: Watch you don't get seen with 'em too much Bea: I'll do my best to lose the paps that follow me everywhere I go then Bea: I'm sure worse happens under the watchful eye of campus police, I'm golden Fraze: Valid point Bea: I know what I'm doing, babe Fraze: Keep it that way then, yeah? Bea: Don't tell me what to do Bea: Ha Fraze: Hilarious Fraze: Don't tell me not to give a shit it's too late for that Bea: You're dramatic Bea: What do you take me for? Bea: Insulting Fraze: You said yourself you've gotta sort your shit out Bea: Charming Bea: You didn't have to be so ready to agree Bea: I'm not doing anything wrong Bea: Anything you don't do yourself Fraze: I'm just looking out for you, babe Bea: I don't need you to Bea: Thanks very much Fraze: Tell me something I don't know Fraze: I'm not saying you do Bea: Then why persist Fraze: You know that answer too Bea: I know what you'd say but I don't think I agree with your reasoning Fraze: Do or don't, it is what it is Bea: No, it isn't when its MY life Bea: I'm not a fucking pet project for you Fraze: Of course you're not Fraze: What are you getting mad at me for? Bea: Because I'm not a little girl who needs saving Bea: Fuck! Bea: Because that's all I am to you Bea: STILL Fraze: You've never been that to me Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: Bullshit Bea: Just keeping me around to fuel some kind of fucked up hero complex Fraze: You're the one chatting bullshit Fraze: For some who doesn't wanna be treated like a kid you're determined to act like one Bea: So clearly what you want Bea: Or you're just a prick talking down to me like I don't know life Bea: I know as much as you Bea: More Bea: Want to be clued in? Of course not, no one wants to hear that shit, not even my fucking 'hero' Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: You're a genius yeah? Happy now Bea: No Bea: Obviously not Fraze: Go get high then, that'll sort it Bea: Better than anything you've got to offer Fraze: Clearly Fraze: Don't let me keep you, off you fuck like Bea: Already am, don't flatter yourself that this was anything more than whiling away a train journey Fraze: Wouldn't dream of it, babe Bea: Sure we'll catch up next time I'm in town Bea: won't that be fun Fraze: Can't wait Bea: Toodles!

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