#we got a big gay demon folks

[irbcallmefynn]

Oughhhh I'm at my mom's again today and I'm so fucking bored so time to talk about that old version of Fynn's lore that was in my head for several years. It's gonna be long so buckle up, folks.

Ok so I should preface this by saying I don't remember most of the details about this. Also a lot of characters and settings and events were not mine and were blatantly stolen and mutated until their unrecognizable. This'll just be focusing on a select few things that are actually important here.

Let's start with Fynn himself, shall we? Well, his name wasn't actually Fynn in this version. It was Wolfynn, and Fynn was just a nickname. He wasn't the main character in this version of the story, either. Just one of many side characters. Wasn't half demon, had a mouth, no real magical abilities. His main shtick was he was a natural born Minecraftian. I always pictured him as fairly large and bulky, with the reasoning of him being Minecraftian carries over to other worlds. He was very relevant still, just not exclusively the most important.

Nauno was also present in this version. Still gay, still kinda stupid, but not a kleptomaniac and didn't use He/They. He did have a gun though! Never really fleshed him out much in this version. Wasn't in a relationship with Fynn, but with another character which I did not own. Really glad nothing ever came of this story because that could get bad.

Now for the big complicated stuff. The world they lived in was a full multiverse called New World. It was called that because new worlds were being formed constantly by the thoughts and ideas of those in New World and our own multiverse (refered to as Old World). Travel between universes is possible, easy, and happens accidentally constantly. This is where the actual main character of this version of the story comes in.

Drax. "God" of the multiverse. I say "God" loosely because they were more like the Security guard of the multiverse, since they generally just went around helping people and making sure nobody destroyed the multiverse. After a lot of character development and retconning I won't go into here, I eventually settled on Drax being a gender fluid polyamorous panromantic shapeshifting robot dragon being controlled by a ghost dragon. Drax was basically the embodiment of power scaling. Was completely invincible, teleportation, time freezing, was a Pokemon trainer, had a Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Blade. Basically if it was a power they could have, they'd have it. If it was an important object, they'd own it. His only real weakness was that he liked taking the Fun option for solving things because "Fun" was a universal force like in Undertale and they were researching it.

There were a bunch of other characters too that were also kinda half baked. Highlights include Fynn's girlfriend Lin, a fox OC from Starbound. Kari, Drax's girlfriend who was basically completely irrelevant because Drax just kinda, loved everyone around them (Drax had kissed Fynn on multiple occasions). And Aeon, the God of reality (because both New and Old world existed in the same Reality), and was the closest thing Drax had to a father.

You may notice there's no Euphi here. She didn't exist in my head until very recently. Drax was about the closest counterpart to heart that existed. Considering, y'know. Robot.

The thing is, things would happen in this story whenever I thought of a thing to happen. And when I couldn't think of anything? Still thinking about it except now nothing's happening and it got very boring and repetitive.

There was a whole dream world thing called the Dream Depot that Drax was put in charge of, there was Friday Night Funkin stuff, YouTube stuff I was watching. Basically this story was just a place to jam every idea and concept ever in my head and let it swirl around like a nightmare soup of worldbuilding. So I just. Stopped it after a while.

I decided I was done thinking about it. I ran out of ideas, the way I consumed media changed and didn't mesh well with this. And it just didn't interest me anymore. So I moved on.

And now we're here. A smaller cast of more fleshed out characters. In a more manageably sized world. With lore I can actually think about without cringing, getting things wrong, or talking for 5 months straight.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh and if you're down here? Hi! Go get a drink! You probably need it at this point! Thanks for putting up with this nightmare wall of text!

#well this was a good way to waste some time #very long post #worldbuilding #scrapped #maybe I'll bring aspects from this back in some way cause I did like Drax conceptually. just got out of control #oc lore #< even though it's like a wildly different take on my OCs #does this mean the old version is an AU? or is the new version an AU? #is this even an AU? an AM? Alternate Multiverse? or is this just a completely different story

[archive2394934]

Hi! I find it so weird that people try to mock me just because I think the Mind Flayer is a sentient being, and that Dustin was right in S4. They think I'm suggesting that Henry is a mindless puppet and not a good character/villain anymore... So so weird.

So u think it was Henry who shaped the UD? Hm, not sure about that, but hey, could be. But then why is it not only stuck on the night El opened the gate but at the moment the demogorgon got Will? 8:15 PM. Took me a while but I found evidence that that's exactly when he disappeared, and also his visions of the Mind Flayer happen at 8:15. What happened that night? What could it mean?

Also curious to hear your thoughts on Will's role in S5. We know he'll be central and his connection to Henry and the Mind Flayer is important. I can't wait to see them interact.

I'm not smart enough to explain what is wrong with this fandom exactly but its definitely something. I think its got a lot to do with the fact that so many folks in fandom in gen nowadays live breath eat sleep and shit fanfics and all their good "nuanced" takes are regurgitated bullshit from some woke zoomer on twitter who draws their favorite gay smut and whatever said zoomer did say was probably about something in the narrative relevant or some element relevant to some other fandom they were in and they just took and think it applies to this one too because it sounds smart enough. This shit about how you cant be telling a story about ""human evils"" through demonic eldritch terrors and monsters wah, wah, wah is so funny like the horror genre has been doing this for as long as it has existed. Henry doesn't represent the "human evil", either, its his mother who neglected and abandoned him for being "different", and the people like Brenner that exploited, abused and experimented on him and the corrupt systems of power in place that allowed such a thing to happen that represents the "human evils" so if they'd like to get that straight as well that'd be cool too. A lot of stranger things fans aren't horror fans also. Thats another big part of the issue, imo. The horror genre isn't their point of reference when they look at themes in ST. I'm not hating on these people but like you don't like horror - you don't know horror and therefore your analyzation on this piece of horror media is severely lacking to say the least.

But then like I've also legit stumbled on people insisting Henry's hair isn't naturally blond and that's hysterical. Completely hysterical. Like, this isn't even 'different takes on canon' thats just straight up wrong. His hair is literally blond lmfao, I'm literally?? BUT ANYWAY TO THE ACTUAL QUESTION.

So u think it was Henry who shaped the UD? Hm, not sure about that, but hey, could be. But then why is it not only stuck on the night El opened the gate but at the moment the demogorgon got Will? 8:15 PM. Took me a while but I found evidence that that's exactly when he disappeared, and also his visions of the Mind Flayer happen at 8:15. What happened that night? What could it mean?

The reason I think that is because, honestly, there is no way Will has any powers the way this fandom thinks. I've tried to entertain that idea to be nice to folks but they aren't nice to me so fuck em. I'm not being nice about it anymore. He wasn't born like El and while its debatable whether or not Henry ALWAYS had his powers or if he got them exclusively when he came to Hawkins, Will definitely doesn't have ANYTHING going on NEAR the caliber of what Henry has going on. I LOVE Will too, but thats just not it. Canon has explicitly shown us that Will's "powers" are that he has a link to the hivemind. Thats it. The VR game has also basically explicitly said Henry shaped the Upside Down (Also in the short trailer we have we can see this is going to be a big point of the game. You're playing as Vecna and shaping the Upside Down. While I don't know how canon the game is gonna be it does make more sense to me and would tie in with other things, like serve to explain why the hell Vecna wasn't personally involved in the early seasons. It would explain why he had to get Elevens powers to apparently restore himself since we have previous canon that tells us El and Henry are like batteries and they can exhaust their powers and need to be charged up again. I'd say shaping an entire dimension is pretty exhausting and probs why Vecna didn't get tagged in again properly until s4. And on that note its therefore comical to me that anyone in this fandom can think ANY CHARACTER possesses the SHEER AMOUNT OF POWER Henry/Vecna does. Like He Did All That. El's still finding herself exhausted from moving heavy objects.)

In season 1 Will also basically tells us the the Upside Down has looked like a dark, cold version of Hawkins ever since he got there. Henry is the one who talks about shaping worlds in canon. His words to El about shaping the world how they see fit foreshadows the eventual state of the UD. As for WHY the UD is stuck on that day, I'm not really sure what way canon wants to throw that and I'm not confident saying anything exactly because it could be too many things. But I am kinda curious now cos maybe I missed it, but where did canon say that the UD is stuck on that time specifically? I thought it only gave us the date, rather than the specific time. (Like I said I might have missed it and if I did lmk where I can find that info bc I wanna see lol) Imo, the date isn't significant to the day Will disappeared particularly, its the date El opened the mother gate. For me being the date the gate was opened has more importance than being specifically about Will. Time in the UD isn't working the same is all we can say for sure though imo. Years have passed in the human world but the UD hasn't moved past the day the mother gate opened.

Like I said I don't know what way canon is gonna go with that as an explanation for why but I doubt Will is as important to that in particular as people think. ST has got a lot of mythology references going on and the UD has often been likened to the biblical depiction of hell (or purgatory as well) through tons other symbolism as well and I know there is a concept that "damnation is eternal" and thus time "doesn't move" or "time is frozen in hell." I haven't been bothered to dig too far into any of that personally bc this fandom doesn't deserve me and my thoughts, imo, I'm sick of being indirected and mocked when I'm like the only one actually making sense out here most the time.

This is also all kinda tied to Will and Henry's particular avatars from the DnD universe. Will is the Cleric. Clerics get their powers from contact with a deity. (Will's brush with the UD/MF gave him the ability to perceive the hivemind and the creatures in it- Henry and possibly "the mindflayer" itself in particular because they seem to be the only other creatures hooked up to the hivemind that are operating on a human level intellect. ) Vecna was an extremely special case in DnD lore as a human that had some bizarre connection with this deity called the Serpent that not only gave him powers UNLIKE anything else but it also was the one that TOLD HIM how to transcend humanity and become a lich and a demi-god. ( This is almost literally what happens with Henry, and the Serpent in DnD is also portrayed thundering cloud with lighting coming down from the sky, like, is this fandom fr in doubting this?! Thats the important thing about DnD Vecna in his relation Henry. Theres other magic users in the DnD universe who "mastered" some part of "the Serpent's gifts," so to speak, but none like Vecna. No one got it like him, even as a human he was built different and "the Serpent" is the reason for why, for Vecna unlike other magic users in DnD the Serpent is not just something he "uses", or borrows power from, its said rather to "speak" to him, it chose him in particular. His connection with it is personal and unmatched by anyone else. )

I've made other posts about this ( here and here and here in partic- I also think I made another one but I cant find it rn lol ) but in a nutshell, to me, Wills role in Season 5 is going to be that he can perceive Vecna's memories. This will play a vital role in humanizing him further and probably in understanding his motives and provide the means to "stop" him. We saw this same thing with Billy in s3. Billy had no one and he was largely looked at as a bad guy, until El was able to get into his memories and understand WHY and what made Billy into Billy and how to "undo" the damage, so to speak, if only briefly.

We've been shown through the series that positive memories weaken the MF's influence. We were shown in S3 that Billy's "mind" after being flayed was just like Vecna's is shown to be in S4. Billy's mind was taken over by a raging storm, which we know is a manifestation of the mindflayer in its original form. Billy's "mindscape" is exactly like Henry's, except Henry's is more eroded for obvious reasons. I dont think the story will show Vecna being 'fixed' or 'saved', but I think if anyone is gonna be able to "get through" to him and weaken him in whatever way necessary for Eleven to 'stop him' or whatever, its gonna be Wil because Will can perceive Vecna in a way no one else can. (Which also makes sense since they're mirrors of each other in so many ways as well, which would probably actually make Henry more sympathetic and relatable to Will)

A lot of the stuff this fandom thinks of as canon isn't canon. Particularly surrounding Will. Its all fan theory and most of it ignores a good chunk of the canon in season 4 particularly about Henry/Vecna, or heavily twists it to be something its more than likely not in the wider canon context. Anyway I hope I dont sound mad at u cos I'm not I'm just v tired. Not with you-- or any of my followers or folks who support this blog- nope, we're the smart ones, contrary to popular fandom opinion on us. Which is why the frustration from me.

#henry creel #vecna #001 #william byers #billy hargrove #el hopper #jane hopper #byler

[foxandfall]

Got exactly one (1) request (@just-slightly-chaotic) for more of my music recs so here we go! +plus some of my commentary bc I'm an oversharer :)

Starting with some of my favorites from artists I mentioned before:

I Don't Want it - Crawlers (all of crawlers is good but this one's catchy as hell)

Dam, Damn - Päter (this one got me into them)

Forever & the Stars - The Lone Ghosts

The Moon Will Sing - The Crane Wives (cried irl when my voice dropped and i couldn't hit these notes anymore rip)

Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches and Walkers - Fall Out Boy (if i had to pick a fave <3)

Zero Zero - Gerard Way

American Dream - Switchfoot (honorary rec bc my parents had this on loop and expected me not to be anti-capitalist?? okay.)

And some different artists! Some of these are more well-known than others, but they're on here bc I think they all fuck severely

Mitsubishi I & II - M. Masaki

You, Sailor - Erin McKeown (Saw her live in 2016 at the WTNV Ghost Stories tour!)

Dirty Night Clowns - Chris Garneau

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men (This reminds me so intensely of a story arc in a fantasy book i read in my tweens)

Mama - Cam Cole

Cherry Pie - Warrant (made me gay. no further elaboration)

Love Isn't Always Fair - Black Veil Brides (cringe but transed my gender, everybody say thank you Jinxx <3)

F**K a PROUD BOY (feat. UnityTX) - Kind Eyes (this is v different from everything else here but if you like hardcore, here <3)

All the Dying - Mother Mother

Concrete - Lovejoy

To My Enemies - Saint Motel

As the World Caves In - Matt Maltese (ofc, obligatory rec, i heard somewhere it's about his cat and god big fucking mood. i sing this at my cat all the time now)

Touch-Tone Telephone - Lemon Demon (I'm an autistic STEM major, obligatory rec)

Farewell Wanderlust - The Amazing Devil (literally anything by them is good their vocals are ethereal)

Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson

Brackish - Kittie

Besitos - Pierce The Veil

Fish in the Sea - Assassin's Creed IV Game Soundtrack (yes, sea shanty. I'm southern, sea shanties are folk music but wet, give me this)

Vaya con Dios - Julio Iglesias (actually prefer my grandfather's cover, which is technically on youtube, but tough luck <3)

Nuestra Canción (feat. Vincente García) - Monsieur Periné (BOP)

Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven (mom's old fave piece to play)

This specific Guqin piece that dewrinkles my brain

Highway - Jeff Satur (obligatory Jeffposting, this is my favorite next to Loop and Stranger)

Do You - RM (obligatory old kpop fave) im so normal about the eyeball thing im normal i SWEAR-

I'm going to stop now bc my brain wants to keep listing orchestral and string stuff now but! that's some things!! I have a bad habit of listening to the same artists on repeat bc i hate change <3 So it'd probably take me longer to remember more recs but yeah! for now, have these!

#Music recs #sorry this took so long #please yell with me abt music if you want i have Opinions

[brimstone-cowboy]

Starts listening to Old Harry’s Game: Oh okay it’s kinda gay how Scumspawn calls Satan ‘my prince’ and ‘Beacon of my existence’ all the time lol Listens to the G.U.T episode: MOM HOLY FUCK!!

#I’d die for scumspawn #we got a big gay demon folks #please listen to Old Harry’s game I’ll pay you

[problematicpervertpod]

recs on recs on recs

Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.

Dangerous Convenience Store

Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming

8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)

The New Employee 

-love love love

Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Love Shuttle

Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*

Hold Me Tight

Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Yours to Claim 

Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom

Bj Alex

Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con 

Anti PT

Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI, 

Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations 

Payback

Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)

My Suha

Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*

Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration

Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course

Will You Subscribe

Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope

Hyperventilation

Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10 

Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante

Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10

K’s Secret

Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better,  uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10

Enthusiasm

Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life,  rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two, 

Ichimai Goshi Fetish

Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10

My Purrfect Boss

Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme),  FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) ,  I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10

Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse

Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray,  ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10

Alien in my Closet

Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia,  roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart 

On Doorstep

Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot

Gorani Jeon

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10

Room to room

Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love,  sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10

Mistake Lover

Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused

Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10

Make Me Bark

Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining,  these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10 

Gurume no fukurami

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30

Under the Green Light

Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking

Walk on Water

Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL

Woof Wolf

Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking

Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent 

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers,  big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels,  would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.  

With Your Tail Yes

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution

Heat and Run

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope

Heaven Officials Blessing

Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)

Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)

4 week lovers

Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+ 

Burlesque Night

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10

My one and only cat

Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch

Imitation Mate

Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it

Mr. 100% Perfect

Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE

The origin of species

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice

How to Chase an Alpha

Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw

Egoism

Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF

Yarichin bitch bu

Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years

Yarichin bitch bu dj wa

Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED

Fucked by my Best Friend

Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn

#yaoi #manga #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #gay #lgbt #pornwhatplot #recs #book recs #manga recs #yaoi recs #ships #yandere #uke #seme

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

JATP ROUND ONE FICS!

We received FOURTEEN (14!) mythical angsty coffee-filled Fics for the First Round of the 1st JATP TROPED Event! These fics were super creative, and we loved to see how you all challenged yourselves with the theme, tropes, and pairings!

Please try to read as many fics as you can, take some notes, leave some kudos/comments for the authors, and get ready to help us vote on the winners!

Voting will begin on Monday, April 26th at 12:00am EST and end Wednesday, April 28th at 11:59pm EST.

————

the sky was gray and white and (cloudy) (Rated T) [Alex x Willie]

Summary: “I’ve got you,” Willie’s whispering over and over, panic creeping into his voice. “Alex, I’ve got you, okay? Come on, baby, come on, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re gonna be okay, I love you--”

Alex spits out what feels like a clot of blood and gives Willie a tired grin, probably looking completely insane.

“That’s pretty gay of you,” he says, just as his vision clouds over and he passes out.

Honey, You're Familiar (Like My Mirror Years Ago) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke]

Summary: Luke works at a coffee shop, which is normal, quietly pines after his coworker, which is normal, and also occasionally steals people's faces without really meaning to.

It's probably that last part that moves him pretty solidly out of the "normal" territory.

But that's fine, that's totally cool.

He's handling it super well.

You Can't Value People Less Than a Good, Hot Cup of Bean Juice (It Just Seems Rude) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke]

Summary: Julie gets a job at a coffee stand in the middle of nowhere.

It'll help to pass the time, if nothing else.

And if there's a cute guy who works the shift after her and sometimes leaves her ridiculously endearing messages on an ancient tape recorder?

Well, that's just a bonus.

honest to god I’ll break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart (Rated T) [Julie x Luke]

Summary: Julie wakes up with a start. Her hair is stuck to her face with sweat and there is a loud crashing noise. The sheets beneath her feel rough against her skin. She shivers, when a breeze meets her naked skin. She must have left the window open when she went to bed last night. She opens her eyes. The room is dark around her, but the glow in the dark stars, she stuck on her ceiling when she was a kid, are shimmering brighter than ever before.

or: the siren!Julie AU no one asked for

new instincts (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie]

Summary: Reggie is fine with being the only human member of his band, Julie and the Phantoms (tell your friends!), just like he’s fine with being the only single member. It doesn’t make him feel lonely, and he’s only picking up more shifts at the coffee shop because he needs more money, not because he’s avoiding being alone. And picking up more shifts at the coffee shop is making the work easier! He’s only a little confused by the fact that he can now touch the espresso machine mid shift without burning himself… must be all of the experience.

you look like you've just seen a monster (is that what i look like to you?) (Rated T) [Bobby x Alex x Luke x Reggie]

Summary: When Bobby woke up that Friday morning, he wasn’t expecting to have horns. Who would? There was absolutely no reason to expect horns to just start growing out of his temples, but there they were anyway.

He stared in silent shock at the little nubs in the mirror. They were only an inch or two big, but pointy and a little fuzzy when he poked at them.

Well, at least they weren’t fully grown yet.

(or: it's angsty tiefling bobby time, folks!)

We Are Monsters, We Are Proud (Rated G) [Flynn x Carrie, Julie x Luke]

Summary: The clock is striking thirteen

It's time to scream your team

We don't have to say goodbye

'Cause friends like these will never die

Carrie finds herself at a college like no other in search of her dad and some answers.

Julie's not feeling good and maybe staring at roses wasn't the best idea.

Monster College/Coffeeshop AU

sending forth their beautiful voice, and my heart was fain to listen (Rated G) [Julie x Carrie]

Summary: Months after the death of her mom, Julie prepares to sing again and makes an upsetting discovery.

rise from the ashes (Rated M) [Alex x Willie]

Summary: At a time when everything was going wrong for Alex, the one bright spot in his life was the charming barista at the coffee shop he frequented. At least, it was the bright spot until everything went up in flames. All he could do was hope that they could rise from the ashes and figure things out together.

Siren's Song (Rated T) [Ray x Rose]

Summary: The Scopuli was never meant to be a permanent arrangement. Rose had taken the job straight out of school just looking to make a little extra money before the tour kicked off.

That was four years ago.

After a string of bad luck befalls Rose and the Petal Pushers, she can't help but wonder if she is the problem. Or is there something more sinister at play?

Yellow (Rated T) [Julie & Reggie]

Summary: Reggie picked up his apron and polo. Julie returned, this time hiding behind Alex. He held a pair of metal pastry tongs out in front of him like a weapon. One of his arms was extended protectively in front of Julie.

“Alex, Julie, what are you doing?” Reggie cleared his throat; his voice was deep and gruff, like he was developing a cold.

Julie and Alex startled. Julie glanced down at her nametag. Alex readjusted his footing and his grip on the tongs.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Alex took a deep breath. “I don’t know who you are, dude, but you have got to leave.”

--

Reggie just wanted to get some new guitar strings. A shapeshifter!Reggie au

Angels Like You (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie]

Summary: Reggie is having a bit of a weird day. It gets worse when he figures out that it's because he died in his sleep and has somehow been walking around as a ghost without realising it. Meeting Luke helps. Luke says he's a fellow ghost, and there is something about him that Reggie just feels drawn to. Falling for him is the easiest thing Reggie has ever done, but Luke is a little more than he lets on, and it turns out that their story actually started long before Reggie thought it did.

look into my eyes (it's where my demons hide) (Rated T) [Flynn x Carrie]

Summary: Hiding out from demons was never a desirable nightmare. Of course, Carrie would much prefer a run-for-my-life nightmare than actually running for her life. Having Flynn around is a very welcome soothing balm, though.

Bring All The Monsters Out To Play, Let All The Red Erase The Grey (Rated T) [Bobby & Reggie]

Summary: Mythologicals, Reggie realised, were kind of like queer people. Sometimes your Token Human friend turns around one day and admits that actually, there was something they were suppressing all along, and they hadn’t realised.

--

Reggie’s final exam has been pushed forward at the most inconvenient time. Bobby is sick, Alex is missing, and now he needs to help a selkie get their ‘Happily-Ever-After’ in order to scrape a passing grade. Oh, and if his boss catches him handing out more free coffee, he’s gonna get fired.

#troped: jatp #round 1: angst #jatp fanfiction #submissions #round 1 submissions

[authoratmidnight]

🌻

I really wanna yell about how gosh dang queer Mairuma is and just how, casual it is about all of this so I am.

warning for some mild manga spoilers (tho they’re mostly out of context so)

Like, the last thing I expected from a comedy series about a boy becoming the grandson of a demon after being sold to him was, well, it to be really fucking queer.

Like I joke that Azz is a massive Iruma simp (which he is) but like, he looks at him with doe eyed admiration and longing, he just looks so in love (for godsakes his safeword to pull him from a self induced Wicked Phase is Iruma’s name!) He got the big gay dokis for Iruma it’s so not even subtle.

And even if you want to argue it’s just admiration, we DO have canon instances of not straight romantic feelings on page. Gyari is straight up in love with Kuromu and even stated a desire to marry her (and the only person who was like ‘but you’re both girls?’ was the lone human). And then that arc ended with an ACTUAL HONEST TO GOD LOVE CONFESSION! And it seems like those affections were being accepted (ymmv but I got a ‘I know and understand, now prove it by winning my heart’ sort of vibe).

Also the fact that Gyari jumped right to ‘well I have TWO hands so, what if I just married both’ as the solution to her problem (that Kuromu was gonna marry Irumi, Gyrai was like ‘well I can just, marry both of them! problem solved!) has me wondering if poly relationships are not unheard of or that weird.

Love is love as she said.

And there’s Poro and Delkira. Like, Poro is very much, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a gay man. And super in love with Delkira, the demon king. and from the scenes we saw of them they were close (so it’s not like this was just him, like, pining from afar or imagining things not there) and their interactions seemed really affectionate and loving, so to me it does seem like Delkira did return those affections. Whether or not Delkira is was only ever attracted to him/men we have NO idea so I can’t say for certain that he was gay, but he sure as fuck wasn’t straight lol Side note I really love those scenes cause they’re just so tender.

wAIT I almost forgot Eiko, she got big dokis for Iruma after he saved her at the start of the school year. And then proceeded to get the same reaction later on after Ameli saved her ass so like. She hella bi/pan.

And if you want messy queer folk then you could make a hella strong argument for Kirio being big gay too.

And then there’s gender/gender presentation

people need to stop making fucking trap comments i s2g

Opera-san is literally some flavour of nonbinary or agender-they’ve never been referred to w/ gendered pronouns, only ever neutral ones or by name, are physically androgynous and even wore a combination boys-girls uniform while in school. Heck the author herself refuses to answer the question as to what Opera’s gender is.

In fact it seems like not having one is just as normal, even common, as having one given that ‘other’ was even an option on the character creation screen we saw on a video game so like.

And I made that whole post about Lindy and the devidol games and how his tail didn’t raise any eyebrows at all, which leads me, personally, to believe that transness is another thing that’s just accepted. Like I firmly believe a character could be like ‘hey btw I’m a girl/boy now’ and everyone would probably just be happy for them. It hasn’t come up but like, given everything else it just feels, right.

Even the crossdressing seems to be handled, decently for the most part, I feel. It’s not like ‘ha ha ha a man in a dress’ even tho is a comedy series (or at least like, not in a demeaning, derogatory way, and in fact every time someone’s crossdressed they’ve looked, really good). It was more, everything else that was funny (like w/ the devidol games arc the funny came from the fact that Iruma didn’t tell a single person what he was doing so everyone had to find out by seeing him dolled up on TV! And their reactions, those were what was funny.)

the fandom on the other hand needs a good smacking smh

Honestly I think Nishi is just very bold for realizing she can put her boys in cute dresses and then doing just that. Good for her.

And while a bit more, my interpretation of things, Kalego really feels like he’s some flavour of aspec (arospec mainly, but lbr any aspec would fit him I feel). Which I, as someone who’s aspec (and likes Kalego), quite enjoy.

It just, comes up so casually, so naturally in the narrative, and no one ever makes any sort of deal over it cause it’s just, a thing that’s part of their society. 

It’s just, such a nice surprise and kinda refreshing.

tl;dr Mairimashita! Iruma-kun/Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun is surprisingly very queer on multiple fronts.

#long post #mairuma #merryfortune #made a small corrrection

[thetypedwriter]

Chain of Iron Book Review

Chain of Iron Book Review by Cassandra Clare 

You know, I was actually really irritated when this book came out because once again, the Dark Artifices seems to be shafted for this new series (that nobody asked for) to shine, but fortunately I wasn’t as bothered by it as I predicted I would be. 

In case you are in the small minority of people who haven’t heard of Cassandra Clare and her millions of Shadowhunter books, Chain of Iron is the next nephilim installment in Clare’s never-ending series. 

Chain of Iron is the sequel to Chain of Gold, and the series as a whole is a sequel to the Infernal Devices series, but a prequel to the original Mortal Instruments as well as the Dark Artifices which is the sequel series to the Mortal Instruments. 

I would be surprised if you weren’t baffled right now. 

I’ve said this before for other Shadowhunter installments, but these books are not user friendly for new folk. You genuinely need to have read the other series to get full enjoyment and understanding of these books.

 If you do read them without having read the others, I'm sure it would still be enjoyable to a certain extent, but a large case of ensemble character and relationships will be lost to you and a big portion of these novels are the relationships within them. 

To delve right in, Chain of Iron has our main cast of friendly teenagers nicknamed the Merry Thieves (which I just abhor, sorry, not sorry) return from Chain of Gold after fighting one of the princes of Hell, Belial, and now with Cordelia and James being married as to avoid a scandal of Cordelia’s reputation and James’ criminal record. 

In addition, there is a new serial killer on the loose murdering shadowhunters at dawn and stealing their runes. Most of the book is dealt with trying to catch the culprit, the Consul and Inquisitor along with the whole of adult shadowhunter authority being inconsequential and inept as usual (how these people became parents are beyond me as they never have any sort of clue what their children get up to) along with side plots including raising Jesse Blackthorn from the dead and romance galore in typical Clare fashion that makes you want to rip your hair out because if everyone just communicated and was honest there would be no issues. 

The beginning of the novel is molasses slow.

I’ve come to expect this with Clare’s books. Actually, I think I’ve figured out the formula entirely. Here is is:

Mostly nothing of consequence happens for nearly 400 pages except for character building and small instances of plot 

Intersperse some random demon attacks for flavor 

Everyone is beautiful, everyone is in love, and love is the most groundbreaking, earth shattering thing in existence 

Get into the last 200ish pages and shit hits the fan with action, misunderstandings, and confessions 

Nobody is honest with anybody and lying is commonplace

End the behemoth on a cliffhanger so that the audience is kept in suspenseful anxiety until the next installment 

You can’t see me, but I am bowing right now. 

Genuinely, that is how 90% of Clare’s novels pan out. Obviously, as she has a very successful and long-running book series, the formula works. 

That being said, there are some vices and virtues to it. 

For this book, the beginning was slow. Almost nothing of significance happens for most of it and it's a dredge to get through. 

However, it’s mundane to get through in the same way that reading fanfiction of your favorite characters is mundane. What Clare does for 400 pieces of paper is build up her characters and their relationships. Normally, you would do this interspersed with plot, but not in this case. 

It’s not very conventional, but it kinda works?

I definitely struggled connecting with the characters from this series more than any other of Clare’s novels. The Mortal Instruments, as the original, were beloved if a little cheesy. Then came the Infernal Devices with witty Will, soulful Jem, and intelligent Tessa. Then we got the Dark Artifices, which to me, is still the best as Julian, Emma, Mark, Christina and the others are the most flawed in any of the series and I enjoy that. 

I enjoy that they’re not perfect, I enjoy that they’re devious and conniving. It makes them more interesting and more worthwhile to read about. 

Instead, the main characters in Chain of Iron and the subsequent series are mainly James, Cordelia, Matthew, and sometimes Lucie. I would argue that no one else matters in the book and are just added in for some sugar, spice, and everything nice. 

Some of you might be outraged at this statement. What about Grace? You might say. Or Jesse? Or Thomas, Christopher, Alistair, Ariadne or Anna?

They don’t matter. 

They matter in a very small, plot convenience, fluff ensues kind of way, but not really in any way of substance. Or, at the very least, that’s how I feel. 

Anna is just there to be cool, Thomas is a gay gentle giant with literally no personality, Christopher is so basic and is essentially the Trader Joe’s version of Henry who was better and more interesting as the first, Alistair is a redeemed bully, and Ariadne is an orphan who loves Anna. 

The end. 

Once again, sometimes Clare bites off more than she can chew and I wonder if she just throws these characters in there just because it makes her happy. 

As for our main protagonists, they’re mediocre. Matthew is definitely the most interesting in the bunch and I was jubilant to see him get more screen time this time around. The increasing realization of his alcohol abuse, his feelings for Cordelia, his nonplussed attitude. 

All of it is intriguing. I still don’t like him as much as other protagonists from other installments, but he is by far the winner of this triad. 

James is too perfect, too beautiful, and a worse version of his father. If I wanted more Will I would have turned to fanfiction of the Infernal Devices instead of imagining up his son. The only interesting thing about James is his demon connection which is not even something he does, but rather something that is done to him. 

Cordelia is banal. Once again, she’s too perfect, too brave, and too kind. Literally nothing is wrong with her. She’s level headed, intelligent, forgiving, and fierce. 

Basically, she’s boring to the brim. 

I do think Clare did a better job this time around to include more of Cordelia’s Persian heritage, but it still mainly fell to the backburner of her lackluster and blank personality. In fact, I think James made more of an effort for Persian food and culture than Cordelia did, but I digress. 

Also, a small note, but still with weight, why does Cordelia have eight names??

It bugs the living daylights out of me that in a single sentence she will be called Cordelia, Layla and Daisy. 

Clare. Give the girl one name. My god. 

Actually, as a side note to this side note, Clare is talented at many things, but nicknames are not one of them. EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER IN THIS NOVEL has a nickname and all of them are horrible. I have never in my entire life known a Matthew that has gone by the nickname Math. 

What. In. The. World. 

Anyways, the only other character of note is Lucie. I like and dislike Lucie. Lucie is also boring and her novelist passion is aggravating to me. However, I did like her turn with necromancy and her increasing desperation to save Jesse that drives her to work with Grace and lie to her friends and family was a much-needed note of interest. 

Overall, this book did make me like the characters more than I did in Chain of Gold, but it took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get there, more than what I think should have been afforded. If you need to kill 400 trees in order to make me like your main characters, that’s a problem. 

Whatever the method, I do care about them more than I did previously so I suppose mission accomplished. I do think some of the strongest relationships in the book are the romances, but then also the parabatai bond between Matthew and James. 

Matthew and James have one of the best relationships in the book and I’m equally frustrated and intrigued how things will play out with Matthew now having confessed his feelings for Cordelia. 

I do feel like female parabatai get shafted in a lot of Clare’s novels compared to the boys. The coed pairs often do well like Clary and Simon or Emma and Julian. Otherwise, the boys far outrank the girls in terms of bond and friendship. 

Even in this novel, the “friendship” between Lucie and Cordelia is laughable. They barely talk to each other or spend time together and when they do is shallow.  Whereas Matthew and James seem much more involved in each other’s lives. 

That being said, if you noticed I didn’t speak much of the plot it’s because for me plot comes very much second in a Shadowhudenter novel. It’s there of course, and it’s entertaining, but I do enjoy the characters and their relationships more than anything else which makes Chain of Iron  better than its predecessor but still worse in my view than any other of Clare’s novels. 

Plot just doesn’t compare to the soul crushing love and friendships shown between the pages, for better or for worse. 

Recommendation: The Dark Artifices > Infernal Devices > The Mortal Instruments ...and  The Last Hours fall somewhere after the Mortal Instruments and the trillions of side novels that Clare has co-written with other authors and all seem to be about Magnus Bane.

Score: 7/10 

#chain of gold #chain of iron #cassandra clare #shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #the infernal devices #the dark artifices #ya fiction #YA Books #YA literature #book blog #book #book review #YA Book Review #popular fiction #Popular Books #Book Recommendations #book rec #book reccs #LGBTQ fiction #7/10 #ya books #ya literature #book recommendations

[eclectic-feathers]

Okay I may be overthinking this but one thing I never really got about Little Miss Perfect is that she jams to Paul McCartney. (TLDR at bottom)

There’s nothing inherently straight about that! Sure there’s nothing inherently straight about straight hair or good grades either but see the thing is, those traits of hers are mentioned because they’re supposed to make her look like the ideal upstanding role model girl.

Her sexuality is a big deal because it doesn’t fit into society’s mold of a perfect girl. And these perfect traits are there to give her the appearance of being straight due to them being subconsciously associated with typical straight people.

This is because gay people either having their positive traits or accomplishments blatantly ignored in favor of their sexuality or are demonized to the point that some people think they are incapable of doing anything positive. Hence, despite gay people being equally capable of having these traits as straight people are, all the traits are still there to imply that she’s putting up a front of being a straight girl. These are inherently “straight” qualities.

Okay, so we established all that. Now tell me why listening to Paul McCartney is the perfect role model girl thing to do.

*crickets*

EXACTLY. What kind of role model jams to Why Don’t We Do It On The Road? What kind of role model is insane enough to jam to Temporary Secretary? And despite him being a figure that adults are more familiar and approving of as opposed to some modern artists, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still from the days of good ol’ rock and roll and he had his fair share of non role model things such as not going to college, psychedelic lifestyle and everything that comes with it, and ACTUALLY GETTING DRUNK AT PARTIES, THE LITERAL LINE THAT COMES BEFORE “I jam to Paul McCartney!”

As for Paul McCartney being something straight people listen to, yes indeed he is. But I’ve met more queer people my age who listen to The Beatles than straight people my age who do. In fact, I’m willing to bet that a good chunk of the Beatle fandom consists of LGBTQIA+ folk. Their music appealed to a humble yet decent portion of queer people from the very beginning. We wouldn’t even have their music had it not been for their gay manager. Brian Epstein brought The Beatles into the world. That’s not exactly straight music is it? Moreso, Paul McCartney has actually been vocal in his support of LGBTQ+ people. Dude. Come on now.

And if there’s anyone who cares enough to disagree, feel free to come at me. Love to hear another perspective. I can’t promise I won’t try to friendly debate you though.

TLDR: Why does Little Miss Perfect pretend she’s straight by citing that she listens to Paul McCartney? Sometimes listening to Paul McCartney is a very gay thing to do.

#the beatles #paul mccartney #little miss perfect #lgbtq #brian epstein #john lennon #george harrison #ringo starr

[cheseyre]

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all. 

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo 

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo 

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS  BEEN SO  LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP.  I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀 

Okay, okay. 

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle. 

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this. 

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man. 

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon. 

There is no in between 

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

Like

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking  destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay. 

Okay. 

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video. 

Like

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader. 

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals 

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww 

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose? 

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020​ you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

#sanders asides #ts spoilers #flirting with social anxiety #virgil sanders #roman sanders #c!thomas #janus sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #nico flores #karrot kings #nicomas #prinxiety #moceit #virgil negativity #its not like a major thing #i just have mixed feelings on him is all #thomas x trash can #trashmas #i will make that a crackship guys #you can't stop me #in other news #i'm forfeiting all my worldly possessions to our local cryptic dapper snek #and buying carrots #because that's life sometimes #please work tumblr #i know you hate me #but please #shut up ches

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Sands #3 (1/7/2021)

Click here if you’re like “What the heck is this about?”

Alastor @dontasktheradiodemon​ gets caught watching Sir Pentious @usedhearts​ (a.k.a. Pentell (a.k.a. Telly)) swim in the ocean, and is invited to check out a nearby island with him to look at a sea serpent. Alastor spends the trip feeling hella gay toward Sir Pentious. Sir Pentious spends the trip feeling steadily increasingly gay toward Alastor. Both of them spend the trip clinging to each other at every opportunity and thinking "wow I hope he doesn't think it's weird how much I'm clinging to him.” Sir Pentious gets dejected over his odds of conquering Hell and Alastor reassures him that he'll make it eventually, Alastor gets hurt over the suggestion that he wants people to fear him and Sir Pentious reassures him that he isn't afraid, they both get unusually vulnerable and talk about their feelings while wearing almost nothing, it's beautiful stuff.

Folks, if you’re part of the crowd that’s following this blog because you like the gay shit: here’s some prime gay shit.

Sir Pentious

There he was, swimming in a warm sea at last. It felt so good to finally be in the sea again, though he'd never properly swam in this body, it came so naturally to him. Twisting and turning in the water, he breached, in a similar way to certain animated movie about a mermaid.

Alastor

And there Alastor was, nowhere near the sea at all, hanging out in the library sitting at a window that *definitely coincidentally and not at all intentionally* had a great view of the spot where Sir Pentious had chosen to swim. He was there to read. He'd grabbed a book in a human language to prove it.

That didn't explain why he was leaning halfway out the window with his elbows on the windowsill instead of reading, but no doubt he had a perfectly logical explanation that had nothing to do with the snake that just so happened to be swimming below.

Sir Pentious

He dived again, slicing through the clear water with intent. He didn't surface again until his lungs burned for air-- and that took a lot longer nowadays than when he was alive.

He gasped when he surfaced, and glanced around, making sure he hadn't gone too far. Nope, there was the mansion right there-- and who was that watching? He squinted, shading his eyes (the ones on his face) with a hand.

"Oh! Alastor! Hello!" He shouted, waving an arm when he recognized the Radio Demon that was actually nice to him. "Alastor, it's me, Sir Pentious--" The instant he said it he realized how confusing that might be. "The other one! The one who gave you the zebra!" Yes, that would clear things up certainly.

Alastor

When Sir Pentious shielded his eyes and waved, Alastor jerked upright in alarm. He banged his head on the window frame. *Ow.* An alien song played as he accidentally jumped to another station.

He shook his head to clear it. Play it cool. Sir Pentious didn't suspect anything yet. Alastor stood up, pretending he'd just been leaning out the window to get a better view of the swimmer. "Oh, hello! Sea Serpent-ious!" (His voice sounded a lot closer to Sir Pentious than it actually was. Don't worry about it. Probably a Radio Demon thing.) "How's the water?"

Sir Pentious

The smile on his face could probably be seen from space it was so big. He still waved at Alastor, but now in a beckoning gesture.

"It's wonderful! Come down here and join me, so we don't have to shout!"

Alastor

"Okay, I'll be right down." He stepped back from the window and into the shadows of the library.

And then he was on the beach. How did he get there? Did anyone see how he actually arrived? No? Don't worry about it, it's probably fine.

Sir Pentious

Telly slithered through the water to it's edge. He didn't come all the way out though-- that sand was far to irritating to tempt it right now. He waved still, though, as he saw Alastor approach.

"I had been wondering where you were! I haven't seen you in a good small while. How are you?"

Alastor

"Oh, I've been all over the place! The kitchen, exploring the grounds, checking out the broadcasting equipment in the tower, the kitchen again..." He laughed. "What about you—been swimming and sunning the whole time?"

Sir Pentious

"Just about." He laughed, coiling to rest his arms on his tail. "I've never been in an ocean this warm before, I want to enjoy every second of it." He sat up and gasped.

"Oh! I've been catching fish, too, and eating them. There are quite a lot of tasty ones here."

Alastor

"Have you!" Alastor's eyes lit up. "Well, toss a few of your catches my way! I've been cooking with the kitchen's supplies, but fresh fish would be even better!"

Sir Pentious

"Oh well, I'm not sure if they'd be good for anyone but me and Sir Pentious to eat, considering our venom." He tapped his chin a moment. "You know, I'm not even sure we _have_ the same venom!"

He shrugged before reaching a hand towards Alastor. "Come closer, you're still much too far away."

Alastor

"It's worth checking!" He's stuck worse things in his mouth.

"What, and get my good clothes soaked?" His "good clothes" that were tattered to hell around the hems.

Sir Pentious

Telly huffed and rolled his eyes (all of them) and gesture to the top of his coils, which were well out of the water.

"Sit here then. You won't get wet there, I'm too far into the shallows for you to be reached." Oh and there comes the Snake Eyes, he is pouting!

Alastor

Hear that sound? That's the sound of Alastor's brain breaking. This is a trap. Or a prank. Or somebody shot his brains out and he's hallucinating as his skull puts itself back together. Please hold while his ability to think boots back up.

He smiled brightly. "Sure! Sounds practical!" He waited for the surf to wash out as much as it would, then bounded across the space between them with a couple of quick splashing steps. He landed more heavily than he'd intended on Sir Pentious in his haste to pull his shoes out of the water. "Very obliging of you!" His pants cuffs were wet. He tried to squeeze them out, then polished his shoes dry with his sleeves.

Sir Pentious

Telly only tilted his head as he waited, and then his smile returned when Alastor began his little splashing dance over. The landing was a little rough, but it didn't hurt, and now that Alastor was seated, he got the snake's full attention.

"That's much better, now it doesn't feel like we're separated onto land and sea by fate!" He laughed, leaning down to resume his posture of arms on his coils. Telly stared up at Alastor, his tongue flicking out to sniff him. "Can't you just magically dry yourself? Why so worried about the water?"

Alastor

"Sure, I can dry it off—but the sea salt remains. It'll damage the fabric." And Alastor's poor frayed clothes sure couldn't take extra damage. "Plus, it'll destroy animal hides if you let it! These shoes are genuine deer skin, it's next to impossible to get that in Hell these days! And all that aside, who wants salt crusted in your leg hair?"

He turned his smile on Sir Pentious. "So I'll be staying *right* here, thank you!"

Sir Pentious

Another huff, but then a sly look came across Telly's face.

"Oh, woe! It's too bad that you are so concerned for your clothing! Here I was about to whisk you away to a small island I discovered nearer to where the Sea Serpent has decided to lounge! So much for Telly and Alastor's great island adventure!"

During his speech, he'd flipped himself, dramatically putting the back of his hand against his forehead and closed his eyes. He cracked one open to look at Alastor and check if it was working, before he snapped it shut again.

Alastor

Oh, he had Alastor's full attention now—and not just because of the theatrics, which got a laugh from him. Sea serpent, huh?

"Oh, *come* now!" He leaned forward to slide an arm around Sir Pentious's shoulders and rescue him from his swoon. "As if I would pass up on an *island adventure!*" He snapped his fingers, and his clothing immediately switched out for a bathing suit. Apparently he could have done that the whole time.

It wasn't until his sleeves disappeared and the texture of fabric under his arm was replaced by smooth, wet scales that he registered the fact that Sir Pentious wasn't wearing a thing but a bathing cap. It hadn't seemed significant a moment ago. Of course he was naked from the waist down, he always was; of course he was naked from the waist up, that was the style in masculine bathing attire these days; and so it took until right that moment for him to register that he was sitting, half undressed himself, upon an utterly naked snake. And didn't he look so lovely and glistening.

He snapped his gaze away from Sir Pentious, scanning the horizon. "So! Where is this mysterious island near the legendary beast?"

Sir Pentious

Said bathing cap blinked at him with one big eye, the usual grin Hattie wore gone in this shape. But the eye was still there! Yes indeed, Hattie had turned himself into a swimming cap, just for this.

Telly, meanwhile, perked up, tongue flicking as Alastor swapped clothing-- and he could almost smell the magic as he did. Oo, tingly. He turned and pointed a ways off, a little spit of an island, with a few plants and rocks.

"It's over there! It doesn't take me too long to swim to, even if I stay on the surface, so it shouldn't take us long!" He turned to beam back at Alastor. "It'd be best to hold on to my waist-- don't want you slipping off while I swim, and I'll keep my upper body out of the water."

Alastor

Don't think about wrapping an arm securely around Sir Pentious's waist while drifting with him beneath the waves. Don't. Do not think about it. "Oh, don't worry about sticking to the surface! Drag me as deep as you want, I don't need to breathe. If we get separated, I can get myself back up to the light, never you fear."

Sir Pentious

"You don't?" His head titled, quizically. "That's interesting! I do. Hm! Well, we can dive then-- it's really lovely under there, but I'm not sure if your eyes will be alright with the salt water. Mine have waterlidsss, ssso I can sssee everything."

He gave a little shrug and uncoiled himself, grabbing Alastor by the arm to make sure he didn't slip off. "I'd really rather you hold on to me, though, I swim fairly fast!"

Alastor

"Not until I need to talk! Which, truth be told, puts a pretty solid restriction on how long I can handle not breathing, hah!" He rapped his knuckles against his chest, "It's almost all radio parts in here."

As Sir Pentious uncoiled, Alastor got to his feet, letting the water wash over his legs. After a moment of hesitation, he said, "All right. It will probably be more secure." A pause. "... Right now?"

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed. "Sure it's all right to get you wet, then? Don't want to destroy any delicate machinery!"

He uncoiled full and stretched out, patting the part of his tail right behind his torso. "Yes, right now! Hop on, I want to get out there and see the Sea Serpent again!"

Alastor

"As long as I keep my breath held!"

Oh, he was supposed to sit on him, too? Gulp. "Ohh-kay." He took a seat, wrapped his arms around Sir Pentious's waist, and tried to just hover near his back rather than give into the urge to press his cheek to Sir Pentious's spine.

Sir Pentious

He could see Alastor get on through his body eyes, and snorted at how delicately he sat. "Come now, I'm not going to break! Hold tighter, like this--" He took Alastor's wrists and tugged him forward, and then wrapped on of Alastor's hands around the opposite wrist.

"There! Keep that grip locked, that should keep you secure." Telly turned and began to slither away from the shore, toward the island. "I'll stay on the surface until we get deep enough that I can dive. It's a very pretty sight, I hope you're able to see at least some of it!"

Alastor

He pressed flat against Sir Pentious's back. *Oh.* Something schmaltzy tried to start playing; he forcibly killed it in the first few notes. "I can keep my eyes open underwater. You worry about the swimming, I'll focus on sightseeing!"

Sir Pentious

"All right!" He laughed again, and his slithering picked up speed, getting them into deeper water. Once they were far enough out he called over his shoulder.

"On the count of three, take a big breath!" His grin widened as he started to count. "One! Two! Three!" And there he went, diving down and down and down.

Alastor

At the end of the countdown, Alastor immediately started playing "Call to the Post"—and immediately stopped again as they dove underwater.

He kept his eyes squeezed shut the first few seconds as they dove underwater, then forced one to squint open. He'd remembered that the first few moments after opening your eyes underwater, it would sting; but he'd forgotten what the sting felt like over the decades. When had he last been in an ocean? Nearly a century ago?

He slowly opened his other eye, clinging tightly to Sir Pentious.

Sir Pentious

Telly swam fast, weaving between and around large pieces of coral. His passing startled fish and a myriad of other creatures, all fleeing for cover as he swam. His eyes kept a good look out for anything larger that might threaten, but luckily didn't spot anything dangerous. After a good ten minutes underwater, he headed for the surface, breaching and taking a long, deep breath.

He put his hand over Alastor's, giving it a little squeeze as he asked. "You all right back there? Nothing broken, nothing drenched beyond repair?"

Alastor

The view was vaguely blurry, but he kept his eyes open for it all the same, watching in fascination as the underwater scene went by. He almost wanted to stop so he could squint more closely at the passing view...

... but he was pressed so close to Sir Pentious that he could feel the way his muscles moved as he swam, and he wasn’t about to give that up for anything.

They’d been on the surface for several seconds before he remembered he could take a breath, too. “Everything’s watertight and shipshape, cap’n!” He automatically squeezed Sir Pentious’s hand back. “Say, are you sure *you* need to breathe? How long were we down there?”

Sir Pentious

"My lungs can expand and are larger than a human's and I can hold my breath for a good, long while. But yes, I do need to breathe, I feel it in how my lungs burn after a while." He looked around, locating the island again. It wasn't far now, he wouldn't even need to dive again. Telly turned toward it and started swimming again. His hand, however, didn't move from its place over Alastor's.

"Oh, did you hear? Valera came up with a nickname for me." He grinned. "Telly! Since I can't be 'Penny' or that would be even more confusing, she used the end of my name instead. Isn't it cute? I like it."

Alastor

“*Telly?* Telly. Huh. You like the sound of it?”” He mentally tried the sound of it out a couple of times. “Well... most of the time I’m not a big fan of the telly—but for you I think I’d make an exception.”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed, a loud cackle, as he swam through the shallows and onto the small island.

"Oh yes, telly, I get it! It's what they call the television in England now! I hadn't even caught that." He slid all the way up onto the sand this time and then released Alastor's hand.

"Here we are, time to disembark the SS Pentious!"

Alastor

He was dimly aware of the water level around him dropping, but he didn’t fully register the fact that they were *on land* until his hooves were dragging in the sand. He didn’t want to let go. He wanted to keep clinging until the sea water evaporated and the sea salt cemented their skin together and they got all gross and crusty. And then another five minutes.

But that would raise questions, wouldn’t it.

He let go and stood up. “Best cruise I’ve ever been on. Granted, it’s the *only* cruise I’ve ever been on, but...”

Sir Pentious

Telly had been about to answer, he truly had been, until he turned around enough to get a good look at Alastor-- and nearly burst into laughter. The giggles were bubbling up and he couldn't contain the cackle that rose and flung itself out.

"Oh, Alastor! Oh, I'm so sorry, but you look--! Well, honestly, you look a bit like a drowned rat." His snickering kept up as he came closer. "Here let me help..."

He started fussing over him, brushing Alastor's hair out his face and getting some of the water off it-- and then he was holding Alastor's face in his hands. He froze like that for a good few seconds, his brain short circuiting, and then quickly pulled away, slithering further onto the island. God, he was glad he couldn't blush.

"Ah, um, the Sea Serpent should be on the far side! Not much of a trek, should only take a minute or two."

Alastor

"Or a drowned deer?" He laughed and made a halfhearted attempt to smooth his bangs out. "A soggy stag? A bedraggled buck?"

He clasped his hands behind his back and patiently let Sir Pentious fuss over his hair... until they made eye contact. And Alastor found himself staring, his face in Sir Pentious's hands, and wow Sir Pentious's eyes really were dazzling in full sunlight like this, and it would be so easy to reach up and take Sir Pentious's face in return...

And then the moment ended. How long had he been staring? Oh God. He quickly looked away.

"Wonderful! What's the best way to approach it, around the shore or straight across the island?" Totally normal, nothing happened.

Sir Pentious

"Through the island should work, the Sea Serpent stays a little ways off shore, probably to not beach itself."

He stayed turned away until he could get his breathing and heart rate under control, before turning back to smile at Alastor. He really was still excited and he hoped that showed in his smile.

"These plants are fascinating-- blue instead of green, it's so curious!"

Alastor

Alastor glanced over JUST long enough to register that smile and then had to look away again. Thank God for weird-colored plants that gave him an excuse to look at something other than Sir Pentious. "You know—I hadn't even registered them. I suppose I just brushed it off as 'right, this is the living world, where things come in more colors than red.' I wonder what difference their all being blue makes?" He watched a few more plants as they passed. "Granted, I don't know what difference being green makes either, but."

Sir Pentious

Telly turned his head to look at Alastor again, tilting it at his statement.

"Do you not know why plants are green on Earth?" He asked, frowning for a split second-- before grinning and taking a breath, ready to teach Alastor a little.

"Plants on earth have chlorophyll in their cells! It's what allows them to photosynthesis! They take in mostly blue and red spectrum lights, but reflects green spectrum light, which is why they look green! Which makes me wonder if these plants have a similar element to their structure, but one that reflects blue and instead absorbs green!" He tapped his chin. "I wonder if Valera would allow me to take some home to study..."

Alastor

Alastor blinked and laughed a little. "Hold on, hold on! Plants can synthesize photos because they've got chloroform in their cells, that stuff that knocks you out—but it makes it reflect light but only if that light's green—say, if it's absorbing red and blue light, then shouldn't it be turning the leaves red and blue?" He gazed at a passing plant critically. "I've never seen a plant synthesize a photo. I'm pretty sure you need a camera for that." Telly you toss out these terms like they're gonna make sense to someone who doesn't know what they mean,

"Who needs permission? Do they own every leaf on the planet?" Alastor leaned over, plucked a stem with a cluster of leaves off of a nearby shrub, and with a flourish tucked it away in another dimension. He winked at Sir Pentious.

Sir Pentious

There's a lot of blinking and then Telly's laughing as well, loud and long.

"No! None of that is right, Alastor! It's chloro_phyll_.  It's Greek, from _khloros_ which means 'pale green' and _phyllon_ which means 'leaf'. Photosynthesis is how plants eat! They absorb sunlight and carbon dioxide from the air, along with water from their roots, and use the process of photosynthesis to create nutrients. I'm not a botanist, so I don't know all the ins and outs of the process, but that's how they live!

"And as for the light, the colors we see are actually the wavelengths of light that are reflected instead of what is absorbed. Like my scales are black, yes? This is because they absorbs all the wavelengths of light and reflect none, thus they appear black, whereas my belly scales are yellow to the eye because they absorb all the other wavelengths except yellow! Wavelengths of color in light is why you can take a prism and get sunlight to refract into a rainbow! The prism separates the wavelengths!"

He's very excited about being able to babble about random science things, can you tell, Alastor? Very excited indeed.

Alastor

He's just gonna be silent a moment as he absorbs multiple science lessons he probably zoned out for at age twelve. It's a lot easier to listen now than when he was twelve: his current teacher is much more excited about the topic and much more enjoyable to listen to.

At the end, he's got one takeaway: "So plants are performing alchemy." Listen. If turning sunlight and water into nutrients isn't alchemy, Alastor doesn't know what is.

Sir Pentious

Again, Telly pauses to process what Alastor's saying. He feels like this may become a habit. His head tilts as he mulls it over.

"Hm, I suppose so! Taking things and turning them into other things _is_ basic alchemy! Maybe that is why plants are used in many magical things? That's more your area than mine, I suppose." He realized then that they had stopped moving to have this little chat, and started slithering again.

Alastor

"Personally I suspect it's because they're everywhere, they're edible, and they don't fight back! If you need a potion ingredient that's tied to the moon and offers healing and protection, eucalyptus is easier to get and easier to swallow than a chunk of silver. But maybe that's why they're so magical in the first place?" He rolled his eyes up at the sky as he thought. "I don't remember if any major occultists discussed why so many plants are inherently magical. It's been the better part of a century since I've had all my texts."

Sir Pentious

"There are magical texts that aren't already in Hell?" He slithered closer, head titled, curious.

"I would've thought everything and more would already be down here-- or rather, there! What are you missing, perhaps it is something my universe's counterpart has and he would lend to you?"

Alastor

"Oh, just the more high-level stuff—Greek occult philosophy, sixteenth century theoretical texts, that sort of thing. The material that's more intellectual than practical. Hell has is own magical scholars, who needs to smuggle in outdated works by mortal occultists who have only been working with magic a fraction as long?" He shrugged. "And much of it isn't relevant at all to doing magic in Hell! Take the Pseudomonarchia Daemonum, for instance! A list of sixty-nine of Hell's most important demons—members of the nobility one and all—and their areas of speciality, their personalities, their ranks and duties... An invaluable resource when you're a mortal getting into demon bargaining! Less useful when you're in Hell and every subway newsstand carries cheap booklets listing all of the hundreds of members of Hell's noble hierarchy, and the current bestseller list includes an unauthorized biography of Paimon. Who needs to risk summoning a duke to plea with him to kill someone on your behalf if you can phone an imp to do the same job for a few hundred bucks?"

Sir Pentious

Telly listened attentively, even if most of it flew over his head-- except the bits about the heirarchy of demons, he knew that well. And just like that his brain is shooting off on a tangent.

"Do you know which Overlords you killed during your massacre? I know you toppled a lot, but I wonder if any of them were known to you before you died, from research! Or were they all new faces to you?"

Alastor

"Want me to tell you a little secret?" He flung an arm around Sir Pentious's shoulders and leaned in close, conspiratorially. "I actually didn't kill *any* of them. It's not like I arrived in Hell armed with an angelic spear! No, all I did was thrash them around a bit! A bit of mangling and dismemberment, all harmless fun, really." He smirked slyly. "It's their underlings and rivals that did them in while they were vulnerable. All I did was present an opportunity."

Alastor let go and drifted back to his original distance. "But no, I didn't know any of them. All my dealings had been with true demons—hellborn infernals and fallen celestials—since those are the only denizens of Hell that past occultists have been able to find contact information for. After all, sinners can't be summoned out of their prison! And, of course, all the overlords I toppled were sinners, not the demons I'd been dealing with before."

Sir Pentious

When Alastor came in close, Telly's tongue couldn't help but blelele a little. He smelt like the sea-- probably because of their little swim-- and boy, did that make his heart race.

He shook his head, clearing away the twitterpatted thoughts that flew through it, and concentrated on what he said.

"Really? I could have sword your counterpart in my universe did kill some Hellborn! Perhaps that's a difference between you and he? Hm! Very interesting."

Alastor

"Kill *hellborn* overlords?" Alastor laughed in disbelief. "Not unless some imps managed to climb the ranks and got caught in the crossfire! Or he landed a lucky shot, I suppose. I suppose he could have gotten some middling-ranked hellborn demons. But Hellish *nobility*—the kind of demons who make it into mortal realm grimoires—are universally ranked above sinners for a reason. The best magic we've ever managed doesn't come anywhere near what they were *created* already capable of."

Alastor shook his head. "No, no, fighting a native demon with magic is like fighting an inferno with a matchstick. When a human manages to start toppling nobles, it won't be by trying to use their own weapons against them. It will be by using a tool they can never match: human invention."

A side glance at Sir Pentious. Hey there, human inventor.

Sir Pentious

He merely nodded along with Alastor's words until the end, and it took him a few moments for that last phrase to click.

"Oh! Oh, you...you mean me?" He pointed at himself, blinking rather owlishly.

"Well, I do have ideas! A lot of them, but none that have come to fruition yet, and I've had over a hundred years to test them!" He sighed and turned to look out through the plants, back towards the ocean.

"Sometimes I think it will be impossible for me to conquer Hell-- considering how much time I've already spent, not to mention how everyone thinks of me. Even if I make a weapon that can kill Hellborn Princes and such, who's to say if I'll be able to make use of it before one extermination or another gets me? It's honestly a miracle I've lasted this long..."

Alastor

Alastor scoffed. "A *mere century!* It took humanity thousands upon thousands of years to create vaccines, to invent the radio, to reach the moon... you think a human ought to be able to usurp the second most powerful entity in the universe in *one century*?"

Alastor elbowed Sir Pentious. "You survived *this* many exterminations, which is more than we can say for sinners a fraction of your age—and now you've got an escape route so you never have to face another extermination. Just one more step up for you."

Sir Pentious

His hood twitches at the elbow and he almost hisses-- instinct when his head starts to turn south, but he gets it under control before he does it. Instead his tongue just sticks out and stays there for a bit longer than normal.

"Yes, but it only took me half a decade to create my airship! I should be further along than I am, I should be better...." He slumped down, his tail coiling around him as he hunkered down. His arms laying across the top, he buried his face in them.

"It'sss ssso frussstrating! I want to be sssso much further in my planssss, in my relationsssshipssss, in my....well, not life, but unlife, I sssupossse! But I'm not! It'ssss like I can ssssee the end perfectly in my mind, but the path there issss murky and dark." His breath hitched a moment, but he held back any tears. He wouldn't cry, not now. He _wouldn't._

"I want it all sssso badly, Alasssstor...."

Alastor

Alastor stopped when Sir Pentious plopped down. After a moment of hesitation, he knelt down next to him. "I know you do." Alastor tentatively slid an arm around his shoulders. "And I believe, with every fiber in my dead heart, that you *will* have it all. Hell throws up every blockade it can to try to slow down its prisoners' progress—but by God, we're still *humans,* and that means we're stubborn sonsa." He offered an encouraging smile. "Hell can delay you, but it can't stop you forever—just as long as you keep moving toward the end."

Sir Pentious

The arm around him was a comfort, and slowly, he uncoiled-- if only to get his arms around Alastor in a hug. He clung tight to him, face pressed against his shoulder, and stayed there, taking a few deep breaths to help calm down-- the advice from Penny helping a lot.

"Thank you, Alassstor," He said at last, holding him tight still. "Thank you for your ssssupport, for being a....a good friend." Telly laughed softly, and a bit bitterly.

"I mussst sssseem so erratic and volatile, getting all emotional at the drop of a hat. I'm ssssorry."

Alastor

Alastor hugged back, one arm just as tight around Sir Pentious's waist and the other rubbing his back. "You've got a lot to *be* emotional about. You've been in this fight a long time. I apologize for dragging it all back up."

Sir Pentious

"No, no, I sssstarted usss talking about Overlordsss and the like. It'sss my fault." He sighed, and seemed for all intents and purposes, to have calmed down. But he didn't release Alastor, instead he just continued to hug and hold him. It was so nice, especially for a snake as touch starved as Telly. And despite being about as huggable as a bundle of twigs tied together, it was _nice_ hugging Alastor. He liked it, quite a lot.

Alastor

"We'll split the responsibility." Alastor wasn't about to be the one to let go. He stopped rubbing so he could fully slide his arms around Sir Pentious and hold him tight. His eyes slid shut. Oh, this was nice, could he stay here.

Sir Pentious

It took a good, full minute for Telly's brain to start up the 'you're being weird, you're hugging for too long' bell, and he was first to pull away. He cleared his throat, thankful for the second time that day, that he couldn't blush.

"Well, ah....ssshall we continue to the Ssssea Ssserpent?"

Alastor

Sir Pentious was pulling back. Alastor's being weird, he's hugging for too long. "Yes! Of course! Back to our main program." He quickly got back on his hooves.

Sir Pentious

And that's when Telly finally noticed the hooves. Wide eyes and tongue sticking out, he leaned down to get a better look. "Oh! I didn't notice before! You have actual hooves! And here I thought it was just a design choice to have hoof prints on the bottom of your shoes!"

Alastor

"Oh! Yes, I do!" He held one leg out, tilting his foot to show off the hoof. "The hoof prints are actually part of the shoe brand—Clove & Fawn cater to sinners with hooves. Custom-made shoes. Best you'll find in Pentagram City." He glanced at Sir Pentious's tail. "Not that you do much shoe shopping!"

Sir Pentious

He laughed and nodded. "It's true! No use for shoes with this!" He willed the end of his tail.

"I suppose they feel like your average hoof then, hm?"

Alastor

"Want to see?" He put one hand on Sir Pentious's shoulder for balance and held his ankle up with the other hand. "Feels the same as any hoof I ever touched."

Sir Pentious

He blinked but then nodded, reaching to run his fingers over the hoof. Yep, definitely a hoof. Though it did feel different-- he'd only ever touched a horse's hoof before.

"It's rough, but not as hard as I thought."

Alastor

“And it’s harder on the outside and softer on the bottom! I haven’t the foggiest idea how that works.” He held still while he was examined. It was like having one of his teeth tapped or his hair tugged: he could feel that he was being touched, but couldn’t feel the touch itself.

Sir Pentious

"Oh! That is curious-- you'd think it would be harder on the bottom, since that is where you walk!" He gave it a few more pokes before he straightens back up. He made sure, however, that Alastor was still steady with a hand on his arm, that slid down to holding his hand only he was fully upright again.

"We should be close to the other side of the island, the Sea Serpent should be basking...."

Alastor

Were they holding hands now? *They were holding hands now.* Wow.

“Oh, *basking!*” The studio audience “oooh”ed appreciatively. “I thought we were going to have to watch it from the shore! Lead the way!”

Sir Pentious

"Oh, we will! It will likely be basking out by the rocks in the deeper water! It wouldn't want to come to close to the shallows, it is rather large." He chuckled, slithering fast now, tugging Alastor along.

Alastor

And Alastor followed along eagerly! “Not an amphibious serpent, I take it.”

Sir Pentious

A hissing laugh escaped him and he shook his head. "No, not at all! He is quite locked to the sea, I'm afraid."

And there they were, at last, at the edge of the island-- it felt like eons since they landed, with all they'd talked about, but here they were. And there was the Sea Serpent, just where Telly expected it. Seemed like he already knew its routine better than it did.

Alastor

Alastor’s eyes widened at the sight of the serpent. An impressed whistle sound played. “Now, isn’t that *something!* It just goes on forever, doesn’t it?”

Sir Pentious

"Yes! And look how it glistens in the light! It's such a sight, it almost makes me not want to return to Hell, it's so beautiful." Telly squeezed Alastor's hand and grinned.

Alastor

“Yes, indeed! I can’t think of a sight prettier than the way sunlight shines on a serpent’s scales right after a good swim.”

... That sure was a series of words that just came out of Alastor’s mouth, wasn’t it. *He was looking at the sea serpent. Don’t look at him he’s looking at the monster.*

Sir Pentious

That sure was a series of words that Telly just heard. His brain seemed to leave him for a good moment or two as it chewed on that, like a dog given a bone retreating to its bed to gnaw. Once again, he is thankful he can't blush. But also why should he be blushing, Alastor was clearly talking about the creature in front of them! Definitely not the snake right beside him, holding his hand and taking in this majestic sight with him!

Finally, he cleared his throat. "Yes. Agreed. Very....very pretty." And here he'd called Alastor a drowned rat earlier-- how rude of him...

Alastor

Alastor died eight separate times in the length of that awkward silence.

He wasn’t sure whether not being immediately called out was a blessing or just prolonging the torture. Either way, he was going to pretend nothing had happened. “And what lovely colors it has!” He gestured extravagantly at the serpent. “Absolutely extraordinary! Truly a majestic beast, isn’t it!”

Sir Pentious

Oh good, they're back on the topic of the actual Sea Serpent. "Yes, it is! I've come out here a number of times to look at it, it's glorious!"

He paused and tilted his head. "I do wonder what it's scales would look like back in Hell, since the light there is a considerably darker red!"

Alastor

“Good question! Not as sparkly, I’d imagine!” A pause as he thought. “Of course—there’s one way to find out for sure...”

Sir Pentious

Telly looked over at him, tilting his head. "What way?"

Alastor

“Why—bringing its hide back to Hell, of course!” Oh, he was starting to scheme now. “But I suppose we aren’t armed to bring down something like that, are we?”

Sir Pentious

"No, we're not, I didn't even bring any of my armaments!" He huffed a bit. "Now you've got me thinking about it, and I would love to have it's hide..."

Alastor

"What a shame." The scheming kicked into high gear. "Oh well! I'm sure there will be future opportunities! Next year, if nothing else."

Sir Pentious

"Yes, perhaps next year." He did look a bit disappointed at he turned towards Alastor. "Ready to head back?"

Alastor

No. He wanted to keep holding hands on the beach. Maybe recreate the “Wicked Game” music video. Without the implied beach sex but with the passionate near-naked cuddling and the singing about unexpected but irresistible longing.

“Ready whenever you are!”

Sir Pentious

Well, he'll at least one of those things! The hand holding is still happening, even as Telly turns to slither back towards the far side of the island.

"We could also swim around more, if you like! I like just being around you, Alastor." As soon as he said it, his brain lit up with 'oh no, oh no, that was that too much?' and he kept his face eyes away from Alastor's face. Don't let him see the embarrassment.

Alastor

If they weren’t holding hands Alastor would have floated straight off the ground. “I like being around you, too!” Suave radio host who? Right now he’s just gushing giddily. Look at that gleeful smile.

Sir Pentious

At the return of the sentiment, his head turned and his eyes blinked. Well! That was good to know. He smiled back.

"We could also just stay here a bit? Or sit down by the water. Don't have to leave....right away..."

Alastor

The ghost of Chris Isaak is smiling down on them. “Actually, that sounds perfectly pleasant! Why rush back to shore? What’s over there, *sand?* We’ve got plenty of that right here!”

Sir Pentious

He laughed, nodding a bit. "Exactly! Plenty of sand and water here!"

Telly slithered over to where the water lapped up, and coiled like he had before, his hand still holding Alastor's. "Here we go, a perfect spot."

Alastor

Was that an invitation to sit on the coils again? He was going to treat it like it was. And if he was wrong... well, it was a simple misunderstanding, nobody could fault him for that but himself.

Sir Pentious

It wasn't, but Telly is absolutely not going to mind him sitting back on the coils. In fact, Alastor's going to get an arm around his waist and a chin on his shoulder, and a little bit of purring.

Alastor

He gladly returned the embrace, leaning a little against Sir Pentious as he did. Perfect position to admire the sea serpent from. Yeah, that was his priority here.

Sir Pentious

And out comes the tongue again, a little blelelel near Alastor's cheek. Sure hope he doesn't mind that, little tickling sniff.

Alastor

He doesn’t mind it in the SLIGHTEST. “I probably smell like pure salt right now, don’t I?”

Sir Pentious

"There is salt, yes, but it mixed with your natural scent, and it smells quite nice." Nice enough to earn another few flicks.

Alastor

“‘Nice’?” He laughed in surprise. “Me? *Really?*” Thank goodness he’d showered before this trip. But nobody ever said he smelled *nice.* He was, at best, tolerable and unnoticeable.

Sir Pentious

"Yes. I've always liked the smell of the sea, so smelling on you is nice." That was weird! His brain screamed and he cleared his throat.

"It reminds me of Dover. But a lot warmer."

Alastor

Welp, as soon as he gets home Alastor is switching out all of his shower toiletries for bottles with fragrance names like “Ocean” and “Saltwater Breeze.”

“There probably aren’t many times of the year when it’s pleasant to swim in merry old England, are there?”

Sir Pentious

He laughed. "No, there isn't! Until the summer, when it starts getting hot, you have no chance. But even then, the rains come and chill everything even more."

Alastor

“I’m beginning to understand why England pillaged and plundered half the planet. Any excuse to move away from home, huh?” Studio laughter. “It’s too bad you never made it over to the States! The Gulf of Mexico is warm for, oh... a good half a year or more.”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, it's a shame. I would've loved a warm ocean to swim while human-- the cold water of Dover wasn't as good, certainly." He chuckled. The sun warm on his scales, and comfortable with his arms around Alastor, his eyes started to slide shut. He gave a small yawn and purred.

Alastor

It’s truly a peaceful moment. Tranquil. Quiet.

In all his years Alastor has never been content to leave a quiet moment alive. “So! ‘Telly,’ huh.”

Sir Pentious

His brain had already begun to boot down, and Alastor's voice brings him back to himself. He blinked and took a breath.

"Yes. Telly, from my name Pentell. I like it. But of course, it's only for special people to us."

Alastor

“Do you?” Alastor wasn’t sure *he* did yet. It lacked the grandeur of *Sir Pentious.* He liked that grandeur. In contrast, “Pentell” sounded so normal, and “Telly” sounded... small.

But it wasn’t Alastor’s name, now, was it? It wasn’t Alastor’s job to critique it, it was his job to get used to it. He’d either find a way to make it make sense to himself, or he’d just deal with it. “I don’t know if I’ve ever asked why you started going by Sir Pentious to begin with, have I?”

Sir Pentious

There's a tiny, but sharp, intake of breath from Telly at the question. If Alastor hadn't been so close, he might not have even heard it.

"It is....a long, long, involved story. One that I don't wish to dig up all of at the moment, but the ending of it, is that I considered Pentell Tinley dead, near the end, before I launched my ship, and began to call myself 'Sir Pentious'. Snake themeing and all that. I thought it sounded grandiose, and I was, all things considered, more than a little manic. I still very much like being called it, I like _being_ Sir Pentious, but now it sounds more....overwrought. Overdone. Maybe if I hadn't been in such a state, I would've come up with something subtler."

He laughed, soft and bitter.

Alastor

Alastor scoffed. “Who needs subtlety?” But he did pick up that sharp breath in, and that reluctance around the whole story. It was a name rooted in something that hurt.

“So... what, you think the name feels... too big? Does that sound right to you?”

Sir Pentious

The twinge in his chest felt like a dart piercing his heart. Big. Small. Those words...He hated them.

"Maybe. I don't know. But I think that Sir Pentious is what I need to be, to Hell at large, to the people who try to poke fun at me. But to the rest, the people I care about, I think....I think I'd rather be Telly."

Alastor

“Huh.” He contemplated that a moment. “So... more of a stage name than anything else? You’re only ‘Sir Pentious’ when you’re on the big stage?”

Sir Pentious

He took a breath and thought for a moment. Looks like they were both contemplating between sentences.

"No, not quite. I still _am_ Sir Pentious. I've been him for over a hundred years. I can't not be him, any less than I could not be an inventor, or a snake. I think, perhaps, I am just Pentell Tinley _too_. I can be both, can't I? I used to think I couldn't, but now, I don't think that's true."

Alastor

“What’s the difference between Sir Pentious and Pentell Tinley? I take it there *is* a difference, or else you wouldn’t be describing them as two different people—but what? If that question isn’t none of my business.”

Sir Pentious

"The line does blur, between them, but it's there." He sighed and sat there, pondering it for a long few minutes.

"I suppose, Sir Pentious doesn't care about what anyone says, what anyone does. He is confident and sure and takes action. He plans and plots and has ambition. Sir Pentious wants to take over Hell just to say he did, just to prove he could. He is immaculate and proper and terrifying. He wants everyone on their knees before him, grovelling for his favor. He craves it. He wants attention, he wants all eyes on him. He would destroy everything if it got him what he wanted.

"Pentell, on the other hand...Pentell cares. He cares so much about the perceptions of those around him. He cares what people whisper behind his back. He is cautious, he is careful, he walks on the razor's edge of convention. He tries so hard and so often falls short. Pentell wants to be left alone, he wants to invent, to find joy in the discovery, the creation. Make his own world, with his own two hands. He doesn't want to even deal with other people, unless they are friends. But even then....sometimes he still doesn't.

"And I am....somewhere in the middle, between these two men. Trying to find the balance, walking the tightrope with fire on one side and dark water on the other. I don't know if I can balance properly, or for how long, and I fear falling either way. I just want to be _me_, but the me I want to be is so hard to find...."

He fell silent, moving his face to press against Alastor's back. This was so much easier when he didn't need to look someone in the face. To confess these things. And who would've ever guessed it would the Radio Demon to get these things out of him?

Alastor

He turned over those two personalities in his mind. “Seems a hard pair to reconcile with each other.”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed there, with his face pressed into Alastor's back.

"Ssso you sssee my conundrum. When I am both one, it'ssss hard to sssee the good about being the other, and I don't want to go back, but then I do and I realize that I like _that_ one too, and then the whole thing sssstartssss all over again!"

He huffed and sighed. "I truly am an Ouroborossss, aren't I? Eating my own tail...."

Alastor

“And going around in circles. Why don’t you—you know—take the best parts of each and make up some third person? Call him, I don’t know, Sir Pentellyous?” He laughed, “Okay, the name could use work, but still!”

Sir Pentious

"Maybe that's what I'm already doing, with Telly. Sure, that name won't strike fear into any hearts, but maybe Telly can be the best of both worlds." He sat back up a little, his chin landing squarely back on Alastor's shoulder.

"It will take time, I think. I've wasted a lot of it, but I think, with people around me who actually _care_ about me....well, I think that will help..."

Alastor

“Hm.” He was silent again for a moment. “What’s he going to be like? This perfected version of you. Have any idea?”

Sir Pentious

"I don't know. I think that's part of why it's scary to become someone new. But it's also a little exciting." He smiled.

Alastor

Huff. “I’ve never much liked the process myself.”

Sir Pentious

"Hm, for some reason that doesn't surprise me." He chuckled softly.

Alastor

Alastor laughed. “Why’s that?”

Sir Pentious

"I think it's all the bombast. You put on a show for the world to make it harder to get close. Not that I fault you that, I do it too. So many people already fear and distrust you, so why not play into those emotions? Play with _them_. It's easier to put on a mask than it is to let someone in." He shrugged.

Alastor

Alastor blinked. “Oh, *really.* Is that why I put on a show?” His tone had cooled somewhat. “Well. Thank you for figuring that out for me, Dr. Freud.”

Sir Pentious

His eyes narrowed, and his tongue stuck out and stayed a few moments too long. Telly's arms retreated from around Alastor, and he sat back against his own coils, and they crossed over his chest instead.

"YOU ASKED! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" Huff!

Alastor

What *did* he expect? “... Something accurate.”

Alastor glanced at the crossed arms. “There’s my cue.” He pushed himself up off the coils and smoothed down his bathing suit. He wished he was wearing a little more.

Sir Pentious

He frowned when Alastor moved, and he leaned over closer. "SO, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE NOW, OVER ONE COMMENT? ONE THAT YOU ASKED ME TO GIVE? AFTER EVERYTHING I TOLD YOU?"

His hood flared a little and he hissed. "WHY?"

Alastor

A shrug. “You’re the one who let go of me! I thought you wanted me off.”

Sir Pentious

"IF I WANTED YOU OFF, I WOULD'VE SSSSHOVED YOU OFF!" Now the hood was fully flared and he hissed louder.

"UGH! PERHAPSSS I SSSHOULD'VE EXPECTED THISSSS! YOU _ARE_ AN ALASSSTOR AFTER ALL! ALWAYSSS THE INTERVIEWER, NEVER THE INTERVIEWEE! CAN'T YOU JUSSSST LET DOWN YOUR GUARD FOR TWO SSSECONDSSS? CAN'T YOU TELL ME SSSSOMETHING?! IF I'M SSSO INACCURATE IN MY ASSSSESSSMENT OF YOU, THEN TELL ME _WHY_! I BARED MYSSSSELF TO YOU, CAN'T YOU GIVE ME THE TINIESSST BIT OF DECENCCCY AND GIVE A LITTLE IN RETURN?"

Alastor

“I put on a show because I want people to like me. I want—people to smile when I come into the room. I’m an entertainer. I want them to be entertained.” Boy that sure is a fascinating sea serpent that he’s not going to look away from for a second. “It’s not to push people away, it’s to draw them in.”

Sir Pentious

He huffed again, but his hood lowered fractionally. He took a few more breaths before saying anything.

"WELL, IT DOESSS! IT DOESSS DRAW THEM IN, BUT YOU SSSTILL HIDE BEHIND IT, TOO! NO ONE CAN KNOW THE ENTERTAINER IF HE'S CONSTANTLY ENTERTAINING, CAN THEY? YOU KEEP UP A WALL OF SSSMILESSS, AND MAKE IT HARD TO GET CLOSSSE TO YOU." He leaned across his coils and reached to take Alastor's hand, squeezing it between both of his.

"You don't have to keep the ssshow going all the time. You're allowed to put down the sssmile. I won't judge you, I sssswear."

Alastor

Alastor let him take his hand but didn’t return the squeeze. “The smile stays on. It’s part of me. And the show’s part of me, too! You don’t get closer to the real me if I pretend like I’m not on air, you just get *less* of me! Nobody says ‘you’re always hiding your *true* self from me, show me who you really are—strip off your skin and muscles so I can see your bones!’” He paused. “Well, all right, I knew one fellow who said that—but he was a mass murderer, so I don’t think he should count.” Studio laughter. “But me, I prefer some meat on my friends. What do you think you’re getting if you strip my personality off of me?”

Sir Pentious

Telly sat there, holding Alastor's hand as he spoke, making sure he caught every word, that it processed in his mind. He let his brain chew on it a bit before he responded.

"I don't want that, to ssstrip you of your persssonality. It'sss jusssst...It'sss hard to be clossse to you when I don't know when you're being facetioussss or not. Sssometimesss I underssstand but other timesss I get lossst. Or when you ssseem to get upsssset when I jussst anssswered a quesssstion honessstly. Or when you don't explain why I'm wrong and inssstead jussst assssume I want you to leave." He gave him a meaningful look.

"Do you undersssstand what I'm sssaying? I like you, Alassstor, I want ussss to be good friendssss, and I think we are! I haven't opened up like that to ssssomeone in a long time-- I think I'm doing it more now, though, between you, Hel, Valera, and Sssir Pentiousss. But I want you to trussst me, too, like I've been trussssting you. You know more about me than a lot of othersss now. I jussst want thisss to be a two way ssstreet."

Telly sighed and released Alastor's hand, but spread his arms, offering a hug. "I want you in my life, Alassstor-- or unlife, I guesssss?-- But I don't want to be the only one that givessss thingssss."

Alastor

He wasn’t upset at an *honest answer*, he was upset at being wildly misunderstood. He didn’t *assume* Telly wanted him to leave, he read the very overt body language. And he *did* explain why Telly was wrong—as soon as Telly asked.

But any correction would be taken as an argument, so he held his tongue. “I did just trust you.”

He did not want a hug. If he didn’t accept it, Telly would interpret it as a rejection of *him.* He leaned into the hug.

Sir Pentious

The hug was stiff. Too stiff. He'd hugged Alastor a few times before this and they all felt vastly different now. Telly's tongue stuck out again, and he pulled back, looking at him.

"I've done sssomething, haven't I? I've sssaid ssssomething wrong." He shrunk back a little and stared at the ground.

"I'm sssorry. I didn't mean to upssset you. I'm.....I'm not good at thisss am I?" He sighed and looked over at him. "You did trussst me and I wasss too dumb to ssssee it. I'm sssorry."

Alastor

Figured that out now, did he? Alastor thought that should have been obvious around the “Dr. Freud” quip.

“Oh, don’t call yourself *dumb*. I don’t want to hear you putting yourself down on my behalf.” He offered a wide smile. (You want to see Alastor with a mask? *There’s* Alastor with a mask.) “Come now! You’re the smartest man I know.”

Sir Pentious

Telly made a face and sat up taller. "I WASSS DUMB, ABOUT THAT. I DIDN'T LISSSSSTEN RIGHT. I MAY BE SSSSMART IN SSSOME THINGSSS BUT I'M DUMB IN OTHERSSSS! I KNOW THAT ABOUT MYSSSSELF!"

He huffed again, crossing his arms once more. Then his face fell a little, and he sighed. "I don't want to fight. I'm sssorry. We're sssuposssed to be out here, having a nice time, and I ruined it. I'm sssorry that I didn't undersssstand better. Will you forgive me, Alassstor?"

He didn't offer a hug or even a hand this time, but he did lean against his coils a little closer. "I jussst want to underssstand you, but then I sssay the wrong thing. Maybe...you could tell me, if I sssay the wrong thing? If I asssume wrongly, basssed on what I know of my universsse'sss you? I want you to correct me, Alassstor. If I get ssssomething wrong, I want to be told what isss correct." He sighed again. "I don't even know if that'sss the right thing to sssay either. Why are wordssss so difficult? Why can't we jusssst beam our intentionsss right into other'sss mindsss? Maybe that'sss sssomething I ssshould work on...."

Alastor

Alastor’s smile flattened a little. “I did tell you that you assumed wrongly.”

Usually Alastor would be *thrilled* at the thought of Sir Pentious working on another new invention—but under the context, he couldn’t work up the enthusiasm to pump him for information on how this one would work. “If you do come up with a telepathy machine, let me know about it.”

Sir Pentious

Telly tried to replay the conversation in his his head-- how had they gotten here? How could he fix this? Alastor was upset with him, but he couldn't figure out how to make things right.

"Yesss, you did. I jussst..." His face fell more and he shrugged. "I don't know what to do, Alassstor. I don't know how to make thissss right. I'm sssorry I didn't lisssten right. I'm sssorry I didn't notice how you were trusssting me and trying to open up." He almost started chewing on his lip, but stopped himself before he did. Now his crossed arms seemed more holding himself than defensive.

"I ruined it, and I'm ssssorry. We were having a nice time and then it ssstopped being nice, and now you're--" He stopped short. He was assuming again, but wasn't he right this time? Alastor _was_ upset, wasn't he?

"Maybe I ssshould sssstop talking now. I don't want to upssset you. I jusssst...." He didn't even know what to say now. Did he ever? He sighed again and looked at the sea serpent. "I'm ssssorry...."

Alastor

“Please stop apologizing.” Every apology felt like it was trying to strangle him. “I got it. You covered it with the first one.”

He glanced at the serpent again too. “Well. I think we’ve seen this sight.” He gestured back toward the path they took through the island.

Sir Pentious

"Right, yesss, I'm--" He cut himself off again, and simply nodded.

"We have. We sssshould return. That would be good." Telly still held himself, even as he started slithering back across the island.

"Do you want to ssswim back with me, or....?"

Alastor

He started trudging alongside Telly.

And then stopped. No. He didn’t want to.

If he didn’t, he’d probably ruin things permanently. He knew he’d regret that later. “Fine.” He resumed trudging.

Sir Pentious

"You don't have to, Alassstor. I'm not going to force you...." He sighed and kept looking anywhere but Alastor.

Alastor

“I said fine.” He didn’t want to have to regret running away again.

Sir Pentious

Telly's quiet for a few moments and then: "Okay."

He stays quiet then until they reach the other side of the island, and then he finally looks at Alastor, offering a hand to help him onto his tail.

Alastor

He also remained silent, but for the ever-present static around him and the noise of a needle skipping as he mentally replayed the conversation, turning it over in his head, searching for the point where it went sour. The static grew louder as his mood grew darker.

By the time Telly offered his hand, instead of taking it, Alastor rounded on him angrily. “You don’t get to accuse me of being a bad interviewee when *you* weren’t even an interviewer! You got hacked off at me for not answering your questions *before you asked me any!* When you asked, *I answered!* I *answer* you! I *want* you to know about me! But after asking a hundred questions about you, I try to offer you *one* tiny little detail about who I am, and—and instead of following up on that, you give me some cookie-cutter ‘you’re scared to open up’ therapist babble like you have me all figured out and then blame me when I don’t conform to it! Go on, tell me more about how I play with people’s fear to keep them from getting close to me! *I hate their fear.* I *hate* that all of Hell is too afraid to make eye contact! I’m a God damned *talk show host,* everyone is supposed to *love* me—“

He cut himself off. Turned away, clasped his hands behind his stiff back, stalked up the shoreline.

Sir Pentious

His hand instantly retracted when Alastor started yelling at him-- _Alastor_ yelling at _him_. Not the other way around. That was something new. Wide pink-red eyes blink at him, and he tries to make sure to catch every word-- this was _important._ He knew that much.

And then he stopped, and started to stalk away, and no, no, that wasn't going to happen. Telly surged after him, slithering fast across the sand to round in front of him and cut him off.

"Alastor! Wait, wait-- Give me a moment, pleassse!" He was breathing fast as he took as short a time as possible to continue processing everything Alastor said. And then he took a big, deep breath.

"You're right. You said to stop apologizing, but I must one more time: I'm sorry. I assumed I knew everything, and didn't stop to think. And, well..." He swallowed and then put his hands, gingerly, on Alastor's shoulders. He made sure to look him right in the eyes.

"I don't fear you. I don't. People mock me, and I hate that, but I never stopped to think about how everyone pissing themselves when you walk in a room must feel-- how that must be horrible, when literally everyone runs at the mere sight of you, or your name. But I want you to know that I don't.

"I understand if you're still angry with me, or will continue to be for a while, but I want you to know that I still want to be your friend and maybe I....just need to be a better interviewer?" He let out a hollow chuckle. "Maybe I can take some lessons from the best one around...."

Alastor

Dammit, don't follow him, he didn't want to continue. He shouldn't have said as much as he had. He hated breaking character, he didn't feel like himself. He tensed when Telly grabbed his shoulders, stared straight through him when he tried to make eye contact.

But when Telly finished and Alastor had a chance to pull back, instead he closed the distance, pulled Telly into a hug, and crushed his face into Telly's shoulder.

Sir Pentious

Telly was a little surprised at the hug-- he'd been expecting more storming off. But perhaps he needed to stop assuming that he knew what Alastor would do, and more importantly, what he felt.

His arms closed around him, holding Alastor just as tightly as Alastor held him. Telly's eyes (on his face) closed, and one of his hands cradled the back of Alastor's head, carding through his hair in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

Alastor

"Good," he croaked. "I don't want you to fear me." There was the subtlest extra emphasis on the word *you.*

Sir Pentious

His tail moves, slowly coiling around the two of them, like Telly wanted to cocoon them together. "I don't. I swear, I don't."

His claws continued to card through his hair, giving little scratches to his scalp, too. "What _is_ it like? Having everyone so scared of you all the time?"

Alastor

This was far too intimate and he was far too naked, both physically and emotionally. He didn't fight it yet, though. He focused on the claws in his hair.

"It's a rush at first. You can get deliriously high off the power fear gives you. But, once the high wears off... No one will look at you, no one will talk to you... no one will sit next to you on the bus... Hah, half the time no one will share the bus with you at all! It can be *useful,* if you *want* a bus to yourself. And sure, you can terrify people into doing anything you want, you can order them to sit in a chair and carry on a conversation with you—but they're never actually listening to what you say. They're just waiting for the first opportunity to run."

He laughed ruefully. "Enough fear will get you anything you want, except for a willing audience—and what's the radio without an audience?" He was rambling, his explanation meandering, spitting out the first things he could think of. What kind of radio host was he? "It's... very isolated."

Sir Pentious

Telly kept up the petting through everything Alastor said, and hummed a bit in consideration.

"Yes, it sounds like it. It sounds, well frankly, terrible. But what about the people in the cannibal colony? They don't fear you like that, do they?" He was going to keep asking questions until either Alastor stopped answering, or he ran out of things to ask.

Alastor

"Most of them don't, no. But they're a... It's quite a traditional, conservative little enclave. They haven't had a fresh thought since 1905. They're impressively Protestant, considering what afterlife they're in—but you'd be amazed just how easily they divorced their religion from their god and kept on practicing it unaltered. They're alarmingly white—and believe you me, there is a way to do that alarmingly. Half the ladies compete over me like a prize whenever I show up. And worst of all... no radios." Faint laughter from the studio audience.

"I tried living there but couldn't last. It's a pleasant place to visit, if you can act like you're one of them—but it *is* an act. After a while it's downright draining. Fit in and you'll find the best acquaintances you could ever ask for, but you won't make friends." He finally pulled back—not pulling *away*, but enough to show his face again. Still smiling, but he looked exhausted. "People are surprised to hear that the colony is so closed-minded—why, what about all the singing and dancing and cannibalism they're so well-known for? I've got no explanation for their musical inclinations; but as for the cannibalism... in my experience, I think most people need a little extra dose of close-mindedness before they can dehumanize a person enough to see them as meat. Either you're just like them, or you're prey. I've got the good fortune to be just like them... except that I'm not, of course."

Sir Pentious

His tongue stuck out again, and his face screwed up, at the description-- something Alastor could clearly see when he pulled back.

"_Traditional. Conservative. Eugh._" He spat out the words like curses, and his tongue stayed out with a soft hiss, before retreating. His hands stayed where they were on Alastor, one curled around his waist, and the other resting now on his shoulder, holding the back of his head. It felt so intimate, this pose, and Telly felt his heart give a painful sort of clenching flutter when he realized it.

But he didn't pull away. It was important that he wasn't the first the pull away here, at least that's what he thought.

"Not to criticize your other friends, but that sounds about as pleasant as everyone running in fear. Either they're too afraid to speak to you, or you have to pretend to be just like the rest when you're not." He huffed, and his eyes narrowed, though not at Alastor-- instead he looked out, thinking.

"I understand the second one much more than the first." His thumb came up to stroke against Alastor's cheek-- a somewhat unconscious action. Telly's coils tightened a tad, but not enough to constrict Alastor-- another unconscious movement, a shielding of the both of them from the world.

"What about Rosie, in particular? Do you have to pretend like that with her, or is it different?"

Alastor

He laughed, what a reaction. *Eugh* indeed. "I imagine you *would* be familiar with the concept—with a family like you had, living when you did. Not to repeat stereotypes about the Victorians, *but*..." He leaned into the touch. Strange to be touched like this.

"Oh, Rosie's different. She's not even human. She chose to make her home in the Cannibal Colony because she decided she liked their little culture, but she's in the same camp as me: the colonists treat her as if she's the exact same as them because she acts enough like one of them. On the one hand, that means she doesn't *buy into* most of our human cultural baggage, which is a plus—but on the other hand, she doesn't really get why these things make a difference to humans at all."

He sighed lightly. "She's one of my dearest friends, and for good reason! But... well, she does witness our human matters as an outsider. That's both a positive and a negative. You're close to an inhuman entity, I'm sure you know what I mean?"

Sir Pentious

"The stereotypes for that are accurate, at least where my family was concerned. A woman for every man, and kids aplenty." He made a face again. Blegh.

"Oh, I didn't know she wasn't human. That's interesting-" He stopped short when Alastor mentioned _him_ being close to an inhuman entity. His face screwed up, and his head tilted as he thought. What did Alastor mean-- Hel, or Hattie? Well, he might as well ask.

"Which inhuman entity are you referring? Hel? Or Hattie? Or is it someone else?"

Alastor

Alastor wrinkled his nose. “A woman for every man, even if you have to drag fourteen-year-olds into it.” He scoffed. “Most people don’t realize she isn’t human! She lives among them, after all—she doesn’t really advertise it. But you can tell. She’s got this air of... *above-it-all*-ness. A little bit maternal, a little bit patronizing.”

Alastor almost answered, stopped, and uncertainly asked, “Is your hat a separate person? I took it as a sort of... psychic extension of you. I *meant* Hel, but...” He made eye contact with the bathing cap. “Er, hello? My, goodness, what must you think of us, spilling our hearts right in front of you like this!”

Sir Pentious

"Oh, no, Hattie is...._mostly_ a part of me. But he's also not. It's...odd? I think it might be like you and your microphone." He chuckled a bit. "Though he doesn't talk." A short shrug.

"But, yes, I suppose Hel _is_ nonhuman, but she understands humanity and everything very well. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't have thought her anything other than a fellow human soul." He smiled, a bit wistfully. "For a while, I thought Hel was a pseudonym, until I found out it wasn't."

Alastor

A nod. “Okay, that’s what I though.” He gave the hat another Look, though.

Huff. “Versatile name, Hel—works for people *and* places. Like Georgia.” Surely Georgia was a fitting comparison to the names of underworlds and/or their gods. “I don’t know if I’d have figured out Rosie wasn’t human before she said so, truth be told. But it came up fairly early. But once you *know,* well... it’s plenty obvious.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh yes, the same with Hel. Once you're aware you're in the prescence of the literal Norse Goddess, it's easy to see everything." He chuckled again, and took a breath, smiling.

"Is there anyone else? Other than Rosie that you're close to? I know about Husker and Miss Nifty, but are they friends or just...." He searched for the right word. "...employees?"

Alastor

“Employees. *Less* than employees, really—more like part-time indentured servants. They’re both in my debt. Two of hundreds that are. You can’t be friends with someone with that kind of imbalance.”

Sir Pentious

"I see. Like if I tried to be friends with an Egg Boi, I'd assume." He tilted his head. "Maybe a little different, because the Egg Bois are all sycophantic, and virtually the same."

He purred a little and settled back against his coils, drawing Alastor close with him. "So, no one else? Just Rosie?"

Alastor

“More or less. An Egg Boi with an independent sentient life.”

He tilted his head back and forth. “Mimzy—I don’t know if you know of her. Big movie star, but of course that was after your time. Some of my duplicates, over the years, but it’s hard to be close to *yourself.* A handful of distant, casual friends with shared hobbies. And—“ (he averted his gaze) “—a few others, these past few months. But when you can count a friendship in months, *well...* Anyone can be a friend for a few months and then drift off.”

Sir Pentious

That made his heart give a pang. He didn't want to drift off. He didn't want Alastor to drift off either. Telly hadn't had friends in a long, long time, too, and he didn't want to lose any of them. Would it be strange to tell Alastor that? He wasn't sure, even, now with them talking again, like earlier.

"I don't want to drift off, Alastor. As much as I am prone to secluding myself, I don't want to drift off from you-- or the other friends I've made." He cupped Alastor's face in his hand and stroked his cheek again. "I don't want you to drift off, either. I honestly, truly, want us to stick together."

He took a long, deep breath, and his hand moved down, both arms now just around Alastor's waist, holding him. He suddenly laughed as a thought struck him. "Just don't ever let me cook for you! I'm terribly, can't even make eggs! Though I think the Egg Bois are thankful for that. I always wondered how you're so good at it. I know bits from-- well, my universe's version, but I don't know if it's the same for you. How did you learn to cook so well?"

Alastor

That hand on his face, those words... Something lurched in his chest. It would be so easy to say there was *nothing* he wanted more than to stick together, and then to lean in...

But the hand left Alastor’s face and his trance broke before he could do something incredibly stupid. He dropped his hands to Sir Pentious’s lower back and laced them together. What were they talking about? Focus on the new topic. “Oh—my mother taught me. I’ve kept learning since then, of course—in France, New York, down here—but she gave me the foundation everything else is built on. I suppose the high-and-mighty Tinley family had people to cook for you?” He paused as a thought occurred to him. “Who’s been keeping you fed down here?”

Sir Pentious

Oh, if he could blush, his face would be the reddest thing next to Alastor's hair! He can't believe he was about to admit this, but with such a frank question....

"The Egg Bois..." He can't look at Alastor, oh, this is humiliating to admit. "They.....make me sandwiches, or go out and get me food. When I first got to Hell, though, it was the soirees and parties that my reputation bought me invitations to that kept me fed...."

Alastor

“The *Egg Bois*?” Do you see the horror in Alastor’s eyes. Do you. “Please tell me they’re better in the kitchen than they are in... anywhere else.” Considering that apparently their culinary expertise was limited to *sandwiches,* somehow Alastor doubted it.

Sir Pentious

He can't help the laugh that bubbles up in his throat, and there's a manic sort of tinge to it. "No, they're really not! I can't trust them with a stove or a hot plate. If I want something hot, I have to order something and have them pick it up!"

Oh no, he's full on giggling at the ridiculousness of all this.

Alastor

“Not even just sandwiches—*cold* sandwiches! You can’t so much as get a panini in your own home!” He clapped his hands on Sir Pentious’s shoulders. “*Please* tell me you’re at least ordering from decent restaurants. Not pre-frozen mass-produced fast food rubbish.”

Sir Pentious

Oh that look of shame on his face! If Telly could sink into the ground right now, he would very much like that.

"No, it'sss just whatever ssssoundsss tasssty! And sssometimesss whatever isss cheapessst."

Alastor

Alastor stared up at him. He knew full damn well what *cheapest* meant. “You poor man. Come here.” He wrapped one arm around Telly’s shoulders, cradled the back of his head with the other, and tugged him down to rest his head on Alastor’s shoulder. “You poor, poor man. I know Hell is a punishment, but even at that it’s not supposed to be *that* bad.”

Sir Pentious

Oh, oh, he was being held now. This was nice, even if it was because of his eating habits. His arms tightened around Alastor's waist.

"At times, eating was a lower priority than my ship, or other inventions. Materials cost, after all, and it's not like I'll _die_ if I go without food in Hell or anything..." He's mumbling a bit now, shame taking full hold, overshadowing any of the strange giddiness left.

Alastor

“My good sir, I survived the *Great Depression.* We ate soups made with chopped-up hot dogs. If we wanted a nice salad, we plucked dandelions out of the sidewalk. We made *chocolate cake* with *tomato soup.* But I can *assure* you, it tasted better than the slop they’re selling at the ‘cheapest’ restaurants these days—and I don’t even *like* cake!” He patted Sir Pentious’s back. “You are invited over for lunch *any time* you want. No, you don’t even have to come over! Just yell your order into the nearest radio and I’ll be right over.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh, I couldn't, I can't impose like that, I-- I-It'sss fine really--" Annnnd his throat closes, choking on the words. _Really?_ He thinks to himself. _Really, Pentell, THIS is what gets you to cry, after everything that's happened on this beach, it's THIS?_ But he can't help it, the tears come as he presses his face into Alastor's shoulder. His teeth clamp down on his lip to stifle the sobs that wrack his body, and his tail coils tighter, all of his eyes now leaking. He felt blood begin to drip from his mouth, fangs having pierced all the way through, and that landed on Alastor as well.

Alastor

Hello, what? For a second he was paralyzed by shock and the sickening feeling that he’d just royally screwed up. And then he launched into soothing Telly—hugging him tighter, playing a soft song, murmuring, “Hey, it’s all right. I’ve got you. It’s fine. Everything’s fine,” and other reassuring sweet nothing.

After a moment, he self-consciously said, “Oh, *boy* do I hope that these are tears of joy because you’ve got someone to cook for you now.”

Sir Pentious

The sobbing takes up his entire mind for a good while, and the soothing does help somewhat. He unlocks his jaw and starts taking breaths through there, slow and deep, trying to make sure he didn't start hyperventilating.

"I-I'm sssso sssorry, Alassstor," He muttered when he'd gotten back some sembelence of control. He hiccuped softly, and it turned into a manic sort of giggle. "I d-don't know what came over me. I....I h-honessstly don't."

Telly sniffled and pulled back, just enough to wipe as his face with a hand. "I....." He swallowed thickly, trying to piece together what he was feeling. "I think it's hard for me to understand that....that people can _care_ about me? And I think, hearing that offer, I realized that you do....care about me...and the dam just....broke."

Telly shrugged weakly, tears still leaking down his face faster than he could wipe them away. "I'm sorry if I frightened or worried you...."

Alastor

When Alastor saw Telly’s face, he sucked a sharp staticky breath in. Without thinking, he reached up to cradle Telly’s face in one hand, and with his thumb carefully wiped a trickle of blood away from Telly’s lip. “I’m sorry I set you off like that,” he said quietly. “Well—if the dam’s broken, that means there won’t be another flood, right? I don’t have to worry about making you sob all over yourself if I offer to do you a favor in the future?”

Sir Pentious

"Depends on if the dam gets repaired, I think." He chuckled hollowly. When he realized he was bleeding he winced.

"Shit. I bit myself. Over a hundred years and I still forget about my fangs, damn it all..." He huffed and sank down lower, laying his head on Alastor's shoulder again.

"I think that if you do continue to offer me favors, I'll end up getting used to it, and these kinds of reactions will abate..." He took another deep breath. "At least I hope they do, I don't want to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. It's so messy."

Alastor

He wrapped his arms around Sir Pentious again. And surreptitiously licked the blood off his thumb.

“I’m going to have to start carrying around water bottles if they don’t.” Moderate laughter from the studio audience. “Is there a way for me to—I don’t know—care less caringly? For the sake of your copious tear ducts?”

Sir Pentious

He laughed too, along with the audience, and shook his head a little. "I don't know. I'm not sure what it is about the caring that actually...._makes_ me cry. But if you find a method, please feel free to try it out."

Telly took another long, deep breath, and his tears stopped fully. "I think I'm okay now..."

Alastor

“Good.” He didn’t let go just yet, though. “We should probably get you back to shore. Unless you can drink saltwater, you’re going to be dehydrated as all hell.”

Sir Pentious

He didn't let go either, in fact, he would've liked to stay like that for a long time. But it was probably past time they headed back anyway.

"You're right. I'll need water after that, and unfortunately, I can't drink salt water." He laughed.

Alastor

“Pity.” He slowly, reluctantly let go. “Shall we, then? Before you shrivel up like a remarkably long prune?”

Sir Pentious

Telly, equally as reluctant, pulled back, but let his hand slide down to take Alastor's. He smiled, softly and warmly, at him.

"Ready to climb back on?"

Alastor

Once they’d separated, it *just* began to dawn on Alastor how long and uncomplainingly they’d been wrapped around each other—when he was reminded that they were about to have to do it again. “*Right.* Yes. Ready when you are.”

Sir Pentious

"Up you come then, Alastor." He tugged on his hand to help him up onto his back.

Alastor

He barely needed the encouragement. He was being invited, it wouldn’t be weird for him to latch on, hurry up and don’t think about it.

Sir Pentious

Telly gave a little purr when Alastor climbed back on, and once again, he made sure his hands were secure around his waist before he started moving. He slithered toward the water, his hand covering Alastors, just as before.

Alastor

This time, he didn’t hesitate to latch on tightly.

Sir Pentious

Telly slithered out onto the water, and looked over his shoulder. "On three. One. Two. Three!" And with a big inhale, he dived under, swimming back towards the mansion island. He breached back up only a short distance from the shore, and Telly gasped for breath.

Alastor

On the return trip, Alastor didn’t even bother trying to watch the scenery going by. He just kept his eyes shut and clung, his cheek to Telly’s back. This was only going to last a couple more minutes. Enjoy it while it’s happening.

And then they surfaced. He let out a long sigh, let go, and treaded water. “Thanks for the speedy ride!” He was never going to mention that he could have teleported himself back and forth.

Sir Pentious

"Of course, thank you for sailing SS Telly!" He laughed, and took Alastor's hand again, dragging him with him as he swam the rest of the way to shore. He stopped there on the sand and considered the mansion.

"It would be rude to go inside soaking wet....."

Alastor

Okay. *One* more touch. He freed his hand so that he could fling his arm around Telly’s shoulders. “Shall I?” He held up his other hand, fingers positioned to snap.

Sir Pentious

He smiled at the arm around him, and nodded. "Please, if you would, Mes. Alastor!" He laughed and winked.

Alastor

Snap. They’re now both dry. Enjoy the sensation of every drop of water simultaneously yeeting itself away.

Sir Pentious

He shivered all over at that, what a strange feeling! But then he grinned. "Shall we, then?" He asked, gesturing towards the the mansion. He really was starting to feel exceptionally thirsty.

Alastor

He let go, but said, “Hold on a moment. I wanted to say that, uh... For a bit there, back on the island... Well, that wasn’t exactly in character for me—at least, not the character that I try to play—so—I—wanted to apologize. I might be a violent man, but I try not to have a violent temper.”

Sir Pentious

He took turned and took both of Alastor's hands. "It's fine, Alastor. I'm glad it happened, because it helped me understand more about you and see what I had done wrong, and it will help me keep from making a mistake like that in the future. The last thing I want to do is misunderstand you."

Telly squeezed both his hands and smiled, before releasing them. "Do you want to come get that water with me, or...shall we say goodbye for now, here?"

Alastor

“It shouldn’t have happened like *that.* I could have handled it more gracefully. I want you to understand me, too, and that’s not going to happen if I’m so hacked off you’re afraid to talk to me!” He glanced away with a self-conscious grin. “I’m not used to being *afraid* that I won’t be understood.”

He returned the squeeze before Telly let go. “I’ll come along. I oughta head to the kitchen with you, anyway. I need to get a list of what kind of food you like.”

Sir Pentious

His eyes widened, but he smiled and nodded. "Right, yes, that-- yes, we should do that."

He turned to head inside, overall, feeling much better about the whole trip.

#extermination party palace #usedhearts #chat log #((the funniest line i wrote in this was ‘the ghost of Chris Isaak is smiling on them.’)) #((Chris Isaak is still alive))

[medea10]

My Review of Sarazanmai

How did I get into this anime? I heard “things” about this anime. 2019 was a weird time to be alive apparently. You know, before 2020 happened! As much shit as I give 2020, at least they didn’t give us kappas eating people’s asses.

Yes, I just said “kappas eating people’s asses”.

Be afraid. Be very afraid!

Kazuki Yasaka is a young boy who must carry around a box wherever he goes and follow specific directions day-by-day. Toi Kuji is a delinquent that breaks into cars and commits other crimes throughout the city. And Enta Jinnai is a childhood friend of Kazuki…He’s there too! These three boys have been chosen by the kappa prince, Keppi to help restore the Kappa Kingdom to its former glory. Kazuki, Toi, and Enta can now transform into kappas by being eaten ass first by Keppi and then shit out. Yes, I said eaten ass first and shit out by a kappa! These boys then must eat the inner-most desires of these kappa-zombies that are causing Keppi trouble. And these inner-most desires are located…in the ass. But there are those from the Otter Empire that cause this trouble for the kappas by turning folks into kappa zombies and causing havoc in the real world.

I would not expect any less of a mind-rape anime from the great Kunihiko Ikuhara.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: Even playing a kappa, Junichi Suwabe still finds a way to give me an erection.

Okay, let’s try that again and not make it sound disgusting, Medea.

Right! Let’s talk licensing. FUNimation is the licensors of this fine product. Seriously? Eating ass is fine, but you frown upon the likes of Interspecies Reviewers? Yes, there is a dub to this and believe it or not, I pretended it didn’t exist. Not because it was bad or anything! It’s just that this anime had the likes of Mamoru Miyano, Kouki Uchiyama, Rie Kugimiya, and Mr. Sex-in-a-Voice Junichi Suwabe. Let me state that my infatuation with Suwabe is like John Oliver’s infatuation with Adam Driver.

That…totally doesn’t help my case! Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Kazuki is played by Ayumu Murase (known for Minami on Yuri on Ice, Luck on Black Clover, Asuto on Inazuma Eleven: Aries, Madoka on Shounen Maid, and Shinichi on SAO)

*Toi is played by Kouki Uchiyama (known for Yurio on Yuri on Ice, Soul on Soul Eater, Rui on Demon Slayer, Ikuya on Free!, Benedict on Violet Evergarden, Midnight on Fairy Tail, Yuu on Charlotte, and Ichijou on Nisekoi)

*Enta is played by Shun Horie (known for Kazuya on Rent-A-Girlfriend)

ENGLISH CAST: *Kazuki is played by Alejandro Saab (known for Leon on Pokemon Journeys, L’Arc on Shield Hero, Kuga on Food Wars, Yamazaki on Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card, and Takezou on Kono Oto Tomare)

*Toi is played by Ricco Fajardo (known for Koutaro on Zombieland Saga, Itona on Assassination Classroom, Karim on Fire Force, Natsuya on Free!, and Kyousuke on Danganronpa 3)

*Enta is played by Justin Briner (known for Deku on My Hero Academia, Yukito on Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card, Shou on Fire Force, Luck on Black Clover, and Ryouta on Danganronpa 3)

SHIPPING: Well…we got our BL kiss by the third episode. That’s quite early for an Ikuhara anime. Ooh boy, Enta loves him some Kazuki. He REALLY loves Kazuki! There’s a lot to be said of a boy that would sniff and fondle items owned by his lover and kiss his unconscious lover. I can understand why Enta would care for Kazuki. I mean after hearing that he’s truly his first friend after a childhood of traveling around and not making many friends, you want to feel for this kid. Key word here is “want”. But this boy goes too far sometimes and his jealousy does get the best of him to a point where I’m just saying, cut ties with the megane brat. But Enta ends up screwing things up again by taking a bullet for Kazuki and throwing all that anger out the window.

And then we have Reo and Mabu! God damn Reo! We’ve got shark teeth, an arrogant attitude, homosexuality, and the voice of Mamoru Miyano. This is just a Rin Matsuoka of a different color! If Reo and Mabu’s otter dance isn’t a dead giveaway, they totally love each other. To a point where they would sacrifice each other for the one they love.

POLE-DANCE ALERT: I don’t know why I always find random pole-dancing moments in animes so alluring. I guess I can blame the likes of Grell from Black Butler. But this moment was so random that it came right the fuck out of nowhere. Then again, this entire anime is an enigmatic brain-fart that it was only a matter of time before a kappa prince starts randomly dancing on a pole.

There we go, Medea’s love for random crap will never die!

ENDING: Throughout the series, Kazuki, Toi, and Enta were gathering these dishes in order to get a wish granted by Keppi. And each time they’ve gone up against a big bad otter, Reo and Mabu are usually the ones to bring out the kappa zombies. But everyone has a plan for using the dishes of hope for their own wishes. Enta wants to use it to stay with Kazuki so the two can remain the golden duo. Reo and Mabu want the dishes to be with each other and save one another after an incident nearly killed them. And Kazuki originally wanted to use the dishes for his baby brother’s own sake, but changes to wanting to help Toi (who ends up leaving with his older, criminal of a brother). And shit goes crazier than what I’ve just mentioned. Enta fucks up by stealing the collected dishes and really fucking up his relationship with Kazuki! Toi ends up leaving town with his criminal brother.

Reo and Mabu, the otter cops shoot Kazuki, but Enta takes the bullet and is hours away from dying. But then we learn that Reo and Mabu were actually kappas who worked under Keppi. It’s just that the otters have been manipulating these two. Mabu is just a hollow body created by the otters because of some accident that happened prior to the events in the anime. The otter gives Mabu a mechanical heart to keep him alive, but in order to stay alive, he cannot say he loves Reo. Unfortunately for these two, Mabu ends up saying he loves Reo and dies right in front of him and vanishing from his memories. Reo is then shot by Toi who comes in at the last minute.

Toi’s back. We all knew it wasn’t going to last. His older brother got shot dead the episode before. So Toi is going to use the dishes to resurrect his brother from the dead. This leaves Kazuki in shambles as he was going to use it on Enta before his body expires in like 10 seconds. In the last minute, Kazuki used the dishes on Enta and he’s going to live. End of story right? No, we still have a demented otter on the loose. And the otters have a dark Keppi that he’s been storing for just this sort of moment. And now it grabs Toi and Toi accepts. He wants to erase his existence from Enta and Kazuki’s lives. Problem is if he does that, Toi erases giving Kazuki the ankle bracelet that’s been a staple in Kazuki and Enta’s relationship when it comes to soccer. But the boys were able to connect, destroy the otters, bring the memories of Mabu and Reo back, turn Keppi into a kappa prince, and save the town from OTTER-destruction.

Yeah, if you watch this series, you’ll hear a lot of puns involving otters. I mean when you’re not smothered in sexualized otters and kappas.

The ending credits show Toi getting sent to juvie for three years. And it’s quite sad to see his dejected face while the ending song blasts. When the lyrics literally say “stand by me” it gets quite sad. Three years pass and Toi’s out of juvie. He goes to the bridge and jumps off. Keep in mind this is an Ikuhara anime, Toi’s not gonna die. Enta and Kazuki jump in and join Toi and welcome him back to society.

Good lord Ikuhara-san! I didn’t think you could out-gay an anime after the likes of Yuri Kuma Arashi. But good fuck, you found a way! This anime was…INSANITY. Pure insanity! Then again, this is the same director that did Revolutionary Girl Utena, Yuri Kuma Arashi, and Mawaru Penguindrum. Yes, connection and desires are a big take in not only Sarazanmai, but a lot of the other animes Ikuhara does. It’s just that Sarazanmai is the strangest acid-trip of them all. And that’s saying a lot because Yuri Kuma Arashi has sexy bears that say “Shaba-da-doo”. ALSO VOICED BY JUNICHI SUWABE! But people getting turned into kappas by being eaten ass first by another kappa and stealing spirits inner most desires, conveniently stored in their asses is some wonky-ass crack-fest. Recommendation wise, I would say watch some of the other animes Ikuhara has directed to get your feet wet in what you might expect in this kind of anime. After that, pop in a few Bakemonogatari episodes just for good measure. And after you do all that, take some CBD gummies and let-a-rip with Sarazanmai.

If you want to watch Sarazanmai, Crunchyroll and FUNimation have it available for streaming.

Okay, what’s next for my FUNimation list?

Okay, boobs! What are we talking here? Are these boobs flat as an ironing board or crimes against nature like in Eiken?

Oh, this can’t end well.

#sarazanmai #anime review #enta jinnai #keppi #junichi suwabe #toi kuji #kazuki yasaka #reo niiboshi #mabu akutsu

[cauldronofthefantasia]

Let’s Meet Me! Again - Reintroducing Myself (Director’s Cut) - the Hickory Witch

Hey, everyone. This is the Fantasia. Last time you saw me, I made a relatively short introduction because I wasn’t really sure what to say or how much to reveal about myself, but I thought I’d go into some more depth here and let the tags tell the story of what type of magick you’ll be reading with me and learning from me the next time we clear the air, stir the cauldron, and get to weaving that old black magick. 

You can find me on tiktok @the_fantasia, and I hope you do cause, honestly, I’ve started making some weird content I really like and I wanna replace the dopamine hit I got from the stuff I didn’t make anymore with something that makes me happy instead of just making my brain’s chemicals go brrt.

My name isn’t really the Fantasia, obviously. I’m a practitioner of several years who is a self-contained coven as I am a system witch in a gestalt rather than one working towards integration who works with my system in unity. I live in the Bible Belt, and if you went looking for me, you’d probably notice that I live a relatively normal life that is made up of working towards my ambitions, taking care of my friends, and tending to my closed tradition that I was the last Priestess of now that more people have started to join us and I’ve resurrected it from death.

I’ve worked for over a year towards that goal, and the weight of the ancestors’ burdens lifting off of my shoulders when they realized I had finally figured out that my closed tradition could include people of every race, and religion, just unified together led me to decide to start sharing my magick and myself online more in a more realistic way. This has led me to Tumblr, and that’s how we met. So, it’s nice to meet you, and it’s good to remember that wishing someone meets interesting people upon them isn’t always bad. Some of us are pretty cool :P 

I grew up in a spiritual evangelist religion that seemed to practice some sort of folk magick where we channeled spirits, and did group prayers together to achieve miracles with whatever it was we were doing, but if you told them that they probably wouldn’t like it very much. Also it was a cult, which would have been fine (mostly /s the only cult I’m vibing with rn is this one I made where we worship medieval illuminated manuscripts :D) except for the part where the Big Enemy was people like me, and if you notice the pride colors in the tags, might be people like you, too.

I also am an heir hoodoo, from my ancestors and the knowledge in my blood, my alter Michael has a Jewish soul and am a staunch Jewish, Romani, Palestinian, LGBTQ+ (and a part of that community), Muslim, etc, ally and consider myself to be a genuine leftist who is just stuck in a world that constantly makes me disappointed in our kind. My alter Michael is white and realllly gay. My alter Maria is black like me and mostly mute because she’s our heart, and she communicates through emotion. Lilu is an entity we invited into our body, and that’s also his nickname, cause His name from the Gilgamesh Cycle doesn’t really translate well; so if you go looking you’ll find a class of Mesopotamian demons. He’s not one, and He predates those written texts and Mesopotamian culture by quiiiite a bit. Then there’s a fifth mystery bestie we invited into our body, who I’m just starting to get to know as a part of us. I’m also traditionally trained in Western esoterica, have various exposures to French, North African, Arabian, and other forms of occultism and religious belief, have been guided onto my path by a follower of Kali (@mxkanteven on tiktok who is a trans woman and someone I am proud to call my friend), one of the greatest kabbalists and teachers alive at the moment (and an expert in Judaism, her MA’s degree in Jewish Studies has helped quiiiiite a bit in elevating his status. He also uses an E pronoun. His name is Joshua Maria Garcia, and his @ on tiktok is @joshuamariagarcia), and many, many others. 

These others are in fact including a number of Gods and entities from all over the world - including more than a few Yokai and several Djinn, interestingly (I don’t turn down entities that are attracted to me because they know my friends, ya’know? Just like I don’t turn down Djinn if my Jewish past life, and soul, who learned all the stuff they did about the time Islam started developing from Rabbinic Judaism attracts them and seems to be influencing by magick by teaching me about servitors, and Djinn, and geomancy, etc) - because I’m a spirit medium that believes in co-existing with the spirit world because... why would I want to deal with the consequences of banishing a spirit that lives in their house if all they do is move my pencils around sometimes because Blackwings are made of California incense-cedar and they like them? Do I really wanna make a spirit homeless and then have to wonder why I develop an irrational fear of spirits? To be clear, though, I am not Jewish, nor do I “practice” or know Kabbalah, nor am I a Jewish folk practitioner. To practice Kabbalah without being Jewish is the same as being a Catholic Priest without ever being Catholic. Kabbalah and Judaism are the same. And, curiously, all of that has been assumed before. I don’t do it. In fact, I have not read a single book about any of those things. I just... I dunno. Soul influence is weird, and I think my alter, Michael, wants to convert. So, we’re gonna have to convert, too, but Michael will be the one doing the Jewish stuff. That’s the funny thing about being a system witch whose alters each have their own soul and different past lives. Besides, Michael is a much more experienced practitioner than I am even though I like to think I’m pretty good (and he likes to think I’m pretty reckless), so we’re just having fun learning from him and the world and spirits and people around us. Anyway, see ya around. Signing off, this has been the Fantasia. Entry Definition: Let’s Clear the Air - a phrase I coined to describe the moment when you ring the bell, clap, let incense fill the air, and more as part of the opening and closing of a ceremony, a reading, and other witchy things. 

#medieval #illuminated manuscript #cult #spiritual #folk magick #folk magic #the fantasia #did #did system #system witch #disassociative identity disorder #kabbalah #ww2 #world war 2 #hoodoo #1945 #coin #coin collecting #herbalism #raegent #rootwork #energy work #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqiia+ #she/they #they/them #gay #queer #witchy things

[deadparrish]

richie tozier stand-up routine

hey! thanks for showing up everyone! so as you all know i took a little bit of a break. well, by break i mean i had a breakdown, forgot my whole scripted routine on stage, and then disappeared off the face of the earth for a month. what can i say! shit happens!

well, actually what happened is that i got a call from one of my childhood best friends which brought up a whole bunch of repressed childhood trauma and was forced- and i’m really not exaggerating here, forced to return to my hometown that i’ve been avoiding for 27 years. now, i’m not gonna say the name of this town, but i will say that it’s the worst fucking town in the world. like, it’s a place that people go to to die. and not even in, like, a relaxing way, like florida. no, you go there and you get, like, your fucking arm ripped off by a weird fucking clown and you die from blood loss. no, i’m serious! that happened to my friends little brother!

anyway, i go back home to, like, fulfill a promise that i made via blood oath when i was 12, during like, the height of the aids epidemic, so it’s a big fucking deal, right. and i’m there in this fucking sushi place, and i’m suddenly face to face with my friend who i’ve been, like, in love with my whole life. so i get as drunk as fucking possible, because i’m an adult, right, and that’s how adults deal with their problems. they get roaring drunk and then they, like, manufacture some stupid reason to arm wrestle so they can hold hands with the object of their 27-year-long crush. NOT saying that i did that. but i will say that this fucker has super soft hands. like, imagine you’ve never done a days work in your life, and also you’re, like, really weird about germs and taking care of yourself, so you use a lot of germ ex and AFTER that you use a lot of lotion. probably lavender scented with, like, aloe vera. 

whatever, not the point. so i’m face to face with the dude that i’ve been in love with since i was 12 and in denial that i was gay- oh yeah, by the way everyone, i’m gay- woah, okay, that’s a lot of cheering, okay. calm down gays- haha, anyway. i’m face to face with this dude, and trying to not like. lose my gay mind. and i’m VERY determined at this point to just, like, get through this visit back home without like. totally revealing all of my gay feelings, so i can come back to chicago and be gay and sad in the comfort of my own gay home. did i mention i was gay? sorry, it just feels fucking good to say. 

anyway, i’m trying to get through this visit without totally losing my mind, and some of you might be wondering, why are you even back in your hometown meeting with your best friends from childhood? good question! it’s a long story, but it basically boils down to the six of us- there used to be seven, but stan, he- he couldn’t make it, so the six of us have to defeat this demon clown entity that came down from space and has been terrorizing and eating people for, like, a billion years. like, imagine every negative human emotion in existence, put all of those emotions into a demon with a huge forehead, and you have this clown. no, guys, i’m serious! this clown is fucking crazy, and also, like, super homophobic.

so the six of us are there, and my friend mike is like oh, we all have to go into the sewers to It’s lair- and that’s capital I, It’s, folks- so we can kill It. and like, we did the same shit when we were 12, but it’s a little bit crazier now that we’re all 40. i have a receding hairline, bill is fucking bald, and ben- well, bens hot as fuck. point is though, that we’re all like, mike, what the fuck? but we go down there and we do this fucking native american ritual to try to trap the clown, which of course doesn’t work because none of us are fucking native american, and then there’s this huge fucking, like, battle, and then eddie gets fucking impaled by this thing, and i just- sorry, it was just so fucking scary. 

i’ve been in love with this dude for over 27 years, and i’m holding him in my arms and he’s bleeding everywhere and i’m like fuck, fuck, i never fucking told him, and he’s like, richie, and he says it in the softest voice ever and he’s looking at me and i’m like oh my god, this is the worst time to have a fucking gay freak out, but what if he says he loves me? so i’m there like, trying to stop his fucking gut from bleeding, and he’s looking at me and i’m looking at him and, quite frankly, i’ve never felt gayer in my life- must have been the atmosphere, dark ass sewers really bring out the pride in me- and you know what he says? i fucked your mother. i swear to god- stop laughing! i couldn’t believe it! i’m the famous comedian and this dude just said that when he’s fucking bleeding out. i love him so much.

anyway, we managed to defeat the clown by bullying it to death, which is how all clowns are killed, i guess, and i got ben to help carry eddie up to the surface- ben is so strong, guys, he’s like, fit. and we got eddie to the hospital and he lived. and then it was like, oh my god, i can’t let him get better and then go back to new york without like, telling him that i love him, right? and honestly, i would have rather faced the demon clown again. 

so i’m in his hospital room, and he’s awake and pissed, because he’s been there, like, a week, and he’s bitching about the cleanliness of hospitals, and he’s like, do you know how many fucking germs there are on a doorknob, and then he’s talking about how much his cheek hurts- oh yeah, i guess i forgot to mention, this dude who bullied us when we were kids broke out of a mental institution and stabbed him in the face. don’t worry though, i axed him. it’s not important. anyway, he’s like, my cheek hurts and i don’t want to fucking be here anymore, and i’m just staring at him like an idiot, and he’s like what the fuck, richie, don’t just stare at me, you dick, and i cut him off and tell him i love him. no build up, no framing it as a joke so i can play it off. just a wide-eyed lovesick confession. 

and i freeze, and he freezes, and we just stare at each other for a few minutes like idiots. and he just asks, all quiet and perfect, really? and i’m like dude, i’ve BEEN in love with you, and i start spilling my guts, and then next thing i know he’s trying to get OUT of the hospital bed, and i’m like eddie, what the fuck, and i move to push him down, and he grabs my shirt and pulls me into bed on top of him, and let me tell you all, i exerted more energy trying to make sure i didn’t collapse on his stomach wound than i ever have at the gym, ever. and at this point i’m truly freaking out, but it’s like, a good freak out, you know? i’m like, okay, he probably wouldn’t have pulled me on top of him if he didn’t like me. he probably likes me. but what if he doesn’t? so i’m like, eds- and he. he kisses me. yeah, i know, i could cheer, too.

so we kiss, and then he pushes me so i’m laying next to him, and then he starts bitching me out for confessing while he’s in the hospital, and couldn’t i wait until he got released, and i’m just- i know i was staring at him like an idiot, like an absolute fool, and he grabs my hand and he’s like i love you too, moron, and i just say, oh.

anyway, he had to stay in the hospital for another week, and i have so many stories about how he terrorized the nurses, i could write so many fucking sketches, and then when he was released we went to new york and he divorced his wife- hell yeah!- and now he lives with me here in chicago. he’s in the audience, actually! hi, eds! anyway, that’s why i’ve been on a break. being gay is crazy.

#i literally have NO IDEA if this is funny or not and i don't care i had fun writing it. its 1 an #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #it #it stephen king #it 2017 #it 2019 #it chapter two #it chapter 2 #it ch 2 #it ch 1 #it chapter one #it chapter 1 #adding this to my queue so it posts at a time that ISNT 1 am #mine

[ellaintrigue]

Jan Van Eyck-The Last Judgment

I really hate religion, the only thing I can accept is wicca which seems relatively peaceful. I find the lighting of candles soothing. I mentioned this on FaceBook once and one of my mom’s 70-year-old friends curtly scolded me, saying that God did not approve.

To me, God is a force or a good vibe, not someone that sits high up in the sky on a throne judging people. Who would want anything to do with such a dude? It’s been said that he smites gay folks but I haven’t seen any incinerated into mid air yet. Maybe I just don’t get out much.

Recently a friend of a friend added me on FB and I accepted since the other friend was one of mom’s people, an older guy. I do not mind most of mom’s friends because I don’t judge on age and many are intelligent and funny. This new “friend” was an elderly (80?) local lady from Salisbury so she was obviously a real person. Too real. Mixed in the posts of recipes and pictures of cakes were shares from Christian pages. Random trees and things shaped like crosses captioned with “GOD IS SHOWING HE IS HERE” and the like. I kept scrolling down this person’s shit wondering why she added me because I’m posing in a bra in my profile pic. If what I’m understanding is correct, God hates titties too.

There were many posts of sick children with captions to pray for them and others that said “GOD CURED THIS BABY, GOD IS GOOD.” Then things got darker, I found posts saying that those that did not accept Jesus Christ as their savior would burn in hell. One post in the style of a meme showed a woman standing at a grave saying “he is in heaven now” and then it depicted a classical painting of nude people in hell being flogged bloody by a demon. The second image said not everyone goes to heaven.

I unfriended the old creep but none of what I had seen was new to me. I was raised on Christian textbooks and in a small town conservative area. Church on Sunday, community cookouts, and you got married to your high school sweetheart and had tons of babies. Of course I was the finicky rebel in black lipstick which embarrassed my grandmother because her church friends and distant relatives would mock my appearance and call me a witch.

Turns out being a witch wasn’t such a bad thing. I’ve never condemned anyone to hell or used God as a crutch. The disturbing thing to me is that these people promote themselves as “good,” “Christian,” and “moral” yet they think people can just go to hell. Not for rape or murder but for fucking outside of marriage, immoral music, and little white lies. My age old question is how can you be a good person when you judge everyone and condemn them to hell?

These religious overkills seem full of hatred but it’s worse than that because they are brainwashed. People seek out religion to feel better which then turns into an ego trip and feeling powerful over others. The whole praying for sick babies and the like isn’t just sending good vibes, it’s empathizing delusions. Sick kids recover because... well, they recovered, and medical care obviously.

You can’t pretend there’s a big guy in the sky in control of everything because that’s not fact. Life is random and often cruel, there is no reasoning behind things. The religious then try to excuse God by saying everything happens for a reason but then they’re just excusing human cruelty among other things. People don’t get burned to death in car wrecks for a reason, people don’t get raped for a reason, and people don’t get cancer for a reason.

Everyone is on their high holy horse but by their own logic, they would go to hell for being cruel to non-Christians. Aren’t we supposed to love one another? Shh, don’t tell them that.

#Religion #Hell #Evil #Hypocrisy #God

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

AUTHOR REVEAL of the JATP: ROUND 1: ANGST FICS!

The Tropes:

1. Character discovers they’re not human

2. Coffee Shop AU

3. Poorly Timed Confession

4. Character A catches Character B crying

————

the sky was gray and white and (cloudy) (Rated T) [Alex x Willie] by @screamin-amuseum

Summary: “I’ve got you,” Willie’s whispering over and over, panic creeping into his voice. “Alex, I’ve got you, okay? Come on, baby, come on, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re gonna be okay, I love you–”

Alex spits out what feels like a clot of blood and gives Willie a tired grin, probably looking completely insane.

“That’s pretty gay of you,” he says, just as his vision clouds over and he passes out.

Honey, You’re Familiar (Like My Mirror Years Ago) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by nik_knows_nothing

Summary: Luke works at a coffee shop, which is normal, quietly pines after his coworker, which is normal, and also occasionally steals people’s faces without really meaning to.

It’s probably that last part that moves him pretty solidly out of the “normal” territory.

But that’s fine, that’s totally cool.

He’s handling it super well.

You Can’t Value People Less Than a Good, Hot Cup of Bean Juice (It Just Seems Rude) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by nik_knows_nothing

Summary: Julie gets a job at a coffee stand in the middle of nowhere.

It’ll help to pass the time, if nothing else.

And if there’s a cute guy who works the shift after her and sometimes leaves her ridiculously endearing messages on an ancient tape recorder?

Well, that’s just a bonus.

honest to god I’ll break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by @tonightthestarsalign

Summary: Julie wakes up with a start. Her hair is stuck to her face with sweat and there is a loud crashing noise. The sheets beneath her feel rough against her skin. She shivers, when a breeze meets her naked skin. She must have left the window open when she went to bed last night. She opens her eyes. The room is dark around her, but the glow in the dark stars, she stuck on her ceiling when she was a kid, are shimmering brighter than ever before.

or: the siren!Julie AU no one asked for

new instincts (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie] by @comeonpeters

Summary: Reggie is fine with being the only human member of his band, Julie and the Phantoms (tell your friends!), just like he’s fine with being the only single member. It doesn’t make him feel lonely, and he’s only picking up more shifts at the coffee shop because he needs more money, not because he’s avoiding being alone. And picking up more shifts at the coffee shop is making the work easier! He’s only a little confused by the fact that he can now touch the espresso machine mid shift without burning himself… must be all of the experience.

you look like you’ve just seen a monster (is that what i look like to you?) (Rated T) [Bobby x Alex x Luke x Reggie] by @aroacethetic-shitpost

Summary: When Bobby woke up that Friday morning, he wasn’t expecting to have horns. Who would? There was absolutely no reason to expect horns to just start growing out of his temples, but there they were anyway.

He stared in silent shock at the little nubs in the mirror. They were only an inch or two big, but pointy and a little fuzzy when he poked at them.

Well, at least they weren’t fully grown yet.

(or: it’s angsty tiefling bobby time, folks!)

We Are Monsters, We Are Proud (Rated G) [Flynn x Carrie, Julie x Luke] by @americanhoney913

Summary: The clock is striking thirteen

It’s time to scream your team

We don’t have to say goodbye

‘Cause friends like these will never die

Carrie finds herself at a college like no other in search of her dad and some answers.

Julie’s not feeling good and maybe staring at roses wasn’t the best idea.

Monster College/Coffeeshop AU

sending forth their beautiful voice, and my heart was fain to listen (Rated G) [Julie x Carrie] by @savannahleemay

Summary: Months after the death of her mom, Julie prepares to sing again and makes an upsetting discovery.

rise from the ashes (Rated M) [Alex x Willie] by @willexxmercer

Summary: At a time when everything was going wrong for Alex, the one bright spot in his life was the charming barista at the coffee shop he frequented. At least, it was the bright spot until everything went up in flames. All he could do was hope that they could rise from the ashes and figure things out together.

Siren’s Song (Rated T) [Ray x Rose] by hufflebibin

Summary: The Scopuli was never meant to be a permanent arrangement. Rose had taken the job straight out of school just looking to make a little extra money before the tour kicked off.

That was four years ago.

After a string of bad luck befalls Rose and the Petal Pushers, she can’t help but wonder if she is the problem. Or is there something more sinister at play?

Yellow (Rated T) [Julie & Reggie] by @tmp-jatp

Summary: Reggie picked up his apron and polo. Julie returned, this time hiding behind Alex. He held a pair of metal pastry tongs out in front of him like a weapon. One of his arms was extended protectively in front of Julie.

“Alex, Julie, what are you doing?” Reggie cleared his throat; his voice was deep and gruff, like he was developing a cold.

Julie and Alex startled. Julie glanced down at her nametag. Alex readjusted his footing and his grip on the tongs.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Alex took a deep breath. “I don’t know who you are, dude, but you have got to leave.”

–

Reggie just wanted to get some new guitar strings. A shapeshifter!Reggie au

Angels Like You (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie] by @sunsetcurveofficial

Summary: Reggie is having a bit of a weird day. It gets worse when he figures out that it’s because he died in his sleep and has somehow been walking around as a ghost without realising it. Meeting Luke helps. Luke says he’s a fellow ghost, and there is something about him that Reggie just feels drawn to. Falling for him is the easiest thing Reggie has ever done, but Luke is a little more than he lets on, and it turns out that their story actually started long before Reggie thought it did.

look into my eyes (it’s where my demons hide) (Rated T) [Flynn x Carrie] by @fanfics-she-wrote

Summary: Hiding out from demons was never a desirable nightmare. Of course, Carrie would much prefer a run-for-my-life nightmare than actually running for her life. Having Flynn around is a very welcome soothing balm, though.

Bring All The Monsters Out To Play, Let All The Red Erase The Grey (Rated T) [Bobby & Reggie] by @kennysbirthday

Summary: Mythologicals, Reggie realised, were kind of like queer people. Sometimes your Token Human friend turns around one day and admits that actually, there was something they were suppressing all along, and they hadn’t realised.

–

Reggie’s final exam has been pushed forward at the most inconvenient time. Bobby is sick, Alex is missing, and now he needs to help a selkie get their ‘Happily-Ever-After’ in order to scrape a passing grade. Oh, and if his boss catches him handing out more free coffee, he’s gonna get fired.

————

All the Winners can be found here.

We hope you enjoy these fics from our fabulous Fantoms! Make sure to leave kudos and comments to show them some love! And don’t forget, if you missed the initial writing deadline you can still submit your fics to our Non-Anon Collection at any time! Thank you all so much for participating this round! Now that winners and authors have been revealed feel free to post about your fics, create artwork for it, if you like, and don’t forget to tag us!

We hope you all will join us for Round 2! The prompt drops at Midnight tonight!

#troped: jatp #round 1: angst #author reveal #jatp fanfiction