#why couldn't he just love me like he was supposed to

[weird-is-life]

Shouldn't I want you?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: Spencer lets you break up with him, thinking he is not enough for you

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: angst, happy ending, arguments, mentions of ice-cream, lots of tears, swear words, use of y/n and pet names, mentions of Spencer being in prison

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Spencer has been acting weird lately. And you don't know why. He's been so distant. Making different excuses on why he couldn't make it to the dates.

He's also started texting you less and less. And the calls just seem forced from your side, like he doesn't even want to speak with you while away on cases.

It's honestly breaking your heart, and maybe that's Spencer's plan. To just break your heart so you would break up with him.

It's making you so anxious that you wait everyday for the text from him that will say 'It's over. I'm breaking up with you.' But it doesn't come, and you don't know what to think of it. You don't even know why would he want to break up. You don't think that you've done anything wrong, and you are very certain that Spencer hasn't done anything wrong either. This whole thing is just so unusual.

On the one hand, Spencer is almost ghosting you, but on the other hand he doesn't want to break up? You are so confused about the whole situation.

You are crying over the break-up that hasn't even happened yet, watching your tv with a big bowl of ice cream in your lap. Spencer's supposed to come home today from a case, but you know he's not going to come to your apartment. He hasn't done that in the last few weeks, not since he's started being so distant.

So you sit in a pit of your tears, cheesy rom-coms and a bucket of ice cream. Suddenly, there's a knock on your door, and looking at the clock you know exactly who it is.

You panic, you didn't expect him to come. You quickly wipe your tears away, and hide the ice cream in the freezer. You know that you look puffy anyways as you open the door with a big sigh and a fake smile.

Spencer, of course, sees right through it.

"Hi- what's wrong?" Spencer immediately asks with a frown. He pushes you gently out of the doorway, and steps inside too as he closes the door.

"N-nothing," you lie, trying to force a smile on your face, "what...what are you doing here?"

A quick flash of hurt and confusion passes over Spencer's face, "I wanted to see you."

You suck in a shaky breath,"oh."

"Oh?" Spencer asks, baffled. "Seriously sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Don't-Don't call me that," you whisper, eyes on the ground.

"What?" Spencer's eyes go wide, "I shouldn't call you sweetheart?"

You sigh, and look up at Spencer. He looks so lost by what you mean, and for a split of a second you think good, let him be confused. You've been confused for the last few weeks because of him. But then you remember that it's Spencer, still very much the Spencer you love.

"Yes, you shouldn't," you sniffle a little, "because it's only hurting me more."

"I-" Spencer starts.

"Spencer, just let me finish. I think that we both know that you don't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. So please Spencer, let's just not do this anymore. I can't keep going on like this, it's-it's just too much. It hurts too much," you say, your cheeks wet with tears yet again.

Spencer stays quiet, it's actually one of the rare times that he doesn't know what to say, and it just breaks your heart even more.

"Y-you won't even say anything? No reason why?" your voice breaks in the middle of the sentence. But looking at Spencer's teary eyes and completely shut mouth, you know, you two are done.

"I-It's over, Spencer. Please just go, you can come take your things some other day," you don't even wait for him to say anything. You go open the door and look anywhere, but him while he slowly leaves.

You don't have the courage to look at him. You hear him sniffle, but don't look. You can't see his broken face, it would be even worse than it already is.

Spencer leaves, and you slam the door shut behind him. It feels like your heart is being cut open by millions of tiny glass pieces as soon as the door closes.

You barely manage to walk towards the couch before you break down. Sobs violently shaking with your body.

-

A few days go by, and it's only when you don't pick up your phone on like the 20th try does Penelope march into your apartment.

You reluctantly open the door after she knocks, and knocks, insisting she's not leaving until you open the door.

"Hi," you greet her, and you immediately notice her slightly shocked face at the sight of you. And you get it. You haven't slept properly for the last few days, and the almost constant tears can't help either.

"Oh my gosh, honey, come here," Penelope instantly pulls you into an embrace, and you melt into it like a puddle.

She squeezes you tightly until you're ready to let go. "Pen, what...what are you doing here? Did Spencer send you?"

"Don't even say his name. He's in big, big trouble," she says in her own angry way. A small smile appears on your face when she says it.

"I can't believe he's done this. He can be such an idiot sometimes even if he really is a genius," you don't argue with that, but you don't want to talk about Spencer either. He's been on your mind enough as it is right now.

"Can we...can we not talk about it? I just want to get over it, and move on as soon as possible, "you sigh. You let Penelope in, and you want to make her go sit down to the living room while you make the tea, but she insists on staying in the kitchen with you.

"Believe me, honey, I wouldn't want to talk about Spencer if it wasn't important," she starts, and your mind immediately goes to the worst possible scenario.

Seeing your wide, worried eyes she adds, "he's okay. He's just stupid, that's all."

"Yeah," you agree quietly, even if you know that it's not true. Spencer maybe used to be clueless about things like relationships, but that has changed. He was never clueless in your relationship.

"Oh sweetheart, " Penelope rubs your shoulder in comfort, "I could beat him up for making you so sad."

Her very serious tone makes you let out a small chuckle. You and her both know that she wouldn't even hurt a fly let alone Spencer, her dear friend.

"Thanks, Penny, but it's okay, I'm okay. Spencer didn't want to be with me anymore, and i-i made my peace with that or-or at least i will eventually."

"But that's just it. That's what I came here to tell you. Spencer loves you, and he just let dumb people with dumb opinions get to his head," you almost burn yourself with the warm water for the tea when you hear her words.

"What do you mean?" you quizz. You forget about the tea, and turn to her.

"He'd heard some people talk about you and him. Some colleagues saw you two together somewhere, and started gossiping. He heard them say that you're too good for him with him being in prison and all-"

"What? That's just ridiculous," you exclaim, you've never heard such a bullshit before.

Of course, you know that Spencer was in prison, but you also know he was innocent. You knew Spencer even before he went to prison, and maybe he did change a bit, but he was still the same Spencer. The Spencer you've always been in love with.

"Exactly, I told him the same, but he wouldn't listen, " she looks sympathetically at you, "I think that Spencer just loves you so much that he's willing to let you go for better or worse."

You are stunned. You stand there absolutely baffled, and Penelope just looks at you with understanding. It takes you good few minutes to finally say something.

"You knew about this?" you question as you head towards the door with Penelope on your heels.

"No, I found out yesterday otherwise I would have told you sooner," you quickly put on your shoes as you listen to her.

"I know you would. Thank you for telling me this, Pen. You're the best," you give her a tight hug.

"He's at home right now," she tells you, you appreciatively smile at her, and basically run to your car with Spencer on your mind.

-

When Spencer opens his door, you instantly push yourself inside. You don't give him even a second to react, protest or say anything.

"Spencer Reid!" you start angrily. "I can't fucking believe you. You let us break up over some stupid gossip? And you didn't even tell me?" You say, hurt.

"It's not stupid, it's true-" Spencer starts calmly, a complete contrast to you. But on the inside he feels like he's going to pass out. It was already hard for him without seeing you, but now it feels like hundred times worse.

"Like hell it is!" you argue. "Spencer of course you're enough for me. I don't care what anyone says. It's not even true anyways. I don't care that you've been in prison, i don't care about any of it."

"But it is true. I'm no good for you. You can do so much better, sweetheart. Like look at me," he gestures towards himself, " I'm such a mess, my life is always messy. You don't deserve this kind of life, you deserve so so much better. You don't deserve to be waiting late at night for me to come home, wondering if i even come home. I can't let you have that kind of life. I'm not worth it."

Finally, Spencer lets the tears go down his cheeks freely. He knows what he is giving up by breaking up with you. He'd planned his whole life with you by his side. But it's better this way. Well that's at least what he is telling himself anyway.

"Don't you get it, Spencer?" you laugh dryly from the frustration, "I don't want better. I don't want anyone else. I just want you. I want you, Spence."

You sniffle slightly, and look at Spencer with hopeless eyes begging him to understand.

"You shouldn't, sweetheart, you shouldn't want me," Spencer tells you helplessly, running his hands through his hair.

You take a brave step towards him.

"Why shouldn't I?" you start. "Shouldn't I want the sweetest, the kindest person I know in my life? Shouldn't I want to be with the person that makes me smile, and makes my heart go fast? Shouldn't I want to be with somebody I completely trust? Shouldn't I want my best friend in my life forever? Shouldn't I want somebody who I feel safe with? Shouldn't I be with somebody I love the most?"

"So Spencer you tell me? Shouldn't i? Shouldn't i want you?" your cheeks are wet from the flowing tears, too.

Spencer shakes his head. You're impossible. How could he ever think that you'd just get over him without questioning why. He should have known better than that.

Spencer takes the final step that's between you two, and softly wipes away the tears from your puffy cheeks.

"I just want what's best for you," he whispers with a broken voice. Looking right into your watery eyes.

"Then let me have you!" You point at his chest with a sniffle. You see Spencer's face soften, like he finally understands.

Spencer's hands move from your cheeks to your hips, and he pulls you closer to him. "A-are you sure?"

"Spencer, you're unbelievable, " you say, vexed, "there's no one else for me Spence. No one."

Your words are the final thing for Spencer to breakdown, to allow himself to be with you. He pulls you towards him, hugging you oh so tightly. He hides his face into the space between your neck and shoulder. You feel the wetness of his tears run down your skin.

"There's no one else for me, too," he whispers into your shoulder. You hum in agreement, not ready to say anything yet.

After a few minutes you pull away, caressing Spencer's cheek you smile at him. "I love you," you mumble, "Please don't ever let people get to your head like this. At least not without telling me, yeah?"

"Yeah," Spencer says in hushed voice, leaning into your gentle touch. "I love you, thank you for not letting me be an idiot."

You both chuckle, sniffling, and it finally feels like it's all going to be okay. Like your worlds won't be ending after all.

You and Spencer go snuggle on his couch, content to be near each other again after the few days apart, and even if you know that there's still a conversation to be held tomorrow, you feel happy.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid

[iamasimperyk]

Just a little help -Rafe Cameron

Warnings: Corruption, Anger Issues, Not proof read, English is not my first language

Pairing: Grumpy!Rafe x Sunshine!Reader

You hated Rafe. He was a grumpy guy while you were a ray of pure sunshine. The fact that he was a Kook while you were a Pogue didn't make things any better.

You couldn't go to the other side of the island without him making rude comments. Of course, they hurt you, but by now, you were pretty much used to it.

"Where are your little friends? After our last encounter, I thought they understood that letting you walk home all by yourself is not a good idea." Rafe grinned like a maniac.

"It gets boring, you know. Everything you can do is insult the Pogues and me. If you have something new, please let me know." You smiled at him, patting his chest. 

You have always followed your instincts without hesitation. And right now, it felt right to pat Rafe's chest.

"Don't touch me with your dirty hands, Pogue." He hissed, turning around to leave.

You took a deep breath, not believing what you were about to do, "Rafe?"

After you called out his name, he turned around quickly, clearly annoyed, "What?"

"Who hurt you?" You asked carefully, to not make him even more upset. You knew it was a cliche moment, but you loved all this corny shit.

Rafe looked at you for a few seconds before he started to laugh. He was laughing directly in your face after you tried to be nice to him for once.

"I suggest you go back to your fucking side of the island and stop asking me shit." He said after calming down his laughter, his tone dangerously low.

"Come on, Rafe, you can tell me. I am actually a very good listener." You tried once again, wanting to help him.

He walked to you as fast as he could, "Listen, Pogue, I know what you are trying to do, and I can guarantee you, it won't work. Did your friends send you to me? Did they think I would go easy on you because you are known as the sunshine of the Cut?"

You quickly shook your head, "I just came from work, so it was a total coincidence that I met you."

The tension was so thick that it seemed like it could have been cut with a knife.

"Look, Rafe, you hate me, and I don't even know why. Everybody told me I was supposed to hate you as well, so I did it. I promise I am here to help you." You looked into his blue eyes, finding some sort of comfort in them.

Rafe Cameron was speechless. Never had anyone wanted to him, and now you, a Pogue, stood in front of him.

"You want to help me to get rid of my anger?" He asked, to which you nodded. 

That was all Rafe needed to see before he pressed his lips onto yours. Your eyes widen in disbelief, not expecting something like this. 

"Now, I feel better." He smirked after pulling away.

"Why would you do that?" You raised your voice at him.

The answer was he didn't know it. He never thought about you in any sexual way, but the way you looked at him, he just had to corrupt you. And that's exactly what he did.

A year later

"Here," You smiled down at Rafe, handing him a glass of whisky.

He pulled you onto his lap, kissing you roughly, "Thank you, what would I do without my little ray of sunshine."

It was like he brainwashed you. You did everything for him, just like he wanted it all those years. He finally had someone who didn't say anything against the things he did. And he intended to keep it that way.

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x reader #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #obx #outer banks #outer banks x reader #outer banks x y/n #outer banks x you

[gglitch1dd]

How would Dilf Izuku react if anything happened to reader when she is in labor? For example maybe she faints because she’s losing too much blood (sorry if this doesn’t make sense)

(Sorry for answering so late Anon)

Interesting thing about DILF Izuku is the fact that he is there for EVERY single birth. He is there. He gets the call from the hospital saying that you're in labour and he literally tells his PA that he's officially on leave and no one can say otherwise.

After the first two times, he's gotten the hang of what he's supposed to do and what his role is as your husband. He takes his job very seriously.

He's there to hold you whenever you want him to.

He's an errand boy and he picks up the articles of clothing that you end up throwing off yourself during labour.

He's the object to your verbal abuse while in labour. Yes, he knows it's his fault. Yes, he knows you want to kill him. Yes, he knows that this is another sprout you got to push out of your vajayjay. Yes, he still loves you. Yes, he's going to shut up now.

He supports you with loving words. He's right there by your side. He's scared shitless but he doesn't show it because he knows that you need him to be strong when you feel so helpless to the force of nature that his child birth.

Don't faint. Just sit there and look pretty.

Those are the jobs he has listed for himself among many others like make sure his mom is looking after the boys and have the baby bag ready and not to get a speeding ticket while doing so.

Your final pregnancy with Koda was a scary one. Mostly because you were high risk at the time and other than a small fainting scare, you were fine. Everything was fine. The labour was normal and you delivered the baby safe and sound.

A squealing and crying little baby boy that had deep forest green hair and a set of pipes to wake up the dead. He was beautiful and Izuku was so proud of you. He held you with gentle kiss to the top of your head, tears in his eyes at the sight of his new baby boy.

And for five minutes, everything was perfect. Your son was placed on your chest and the three of you were together. Father, mother and son.

Until suddenly, nothing was okay.

"Izuku..." Your voice was breathy as you raised your hand to hold his arm.

Izuku looked away from his son to you. "Yes?" It took less than a second and Izuku knew that nothing was okay. You weren't okay. You were fading, and you were fading fast. Your eyes were fluttering and suddenly your heart rate was declining. He stood up straight. "Y/N. Y/N! Y/N stay with me." He shouted as one of the nurses went running to check on your vitals.

One of the midwives took the baby out of your arms, the newborn's face twisting into a cry at the shouting.

You tried looking at your husband and you tried focusing on him but your breaths were too slow and far between and your eyes were too heavy to stay open. Izuku held your hand, frozen, trying to figure out what was happening. Why weren't you awake anymore?

Why were you still bleeding?

What did the doctor say? Why were you still here?

Why was he just standing there. Why did he let them position him away from you?

Why couldn't he hear a thing?

His wife was there! You were right there! Yet he was... helpless.

And that's when the sinking terror settled in. The reminder that as a father, Izuku could do nothing when it came to this process. He could do nothing. He wasn't a doctor, he wasn't a nurse, he wasn't God. He could do nothing but watch as his beautiful wife, his beautiful loving wife, mother to five of his children, lay there as they tried to stop the bleeding and wake you up.

Izuku moved to grab onto your hand again, and he prayed. He prayed so hard that his mother would probably be impressed right about now.

How a man who had everything, who had the money, got the fame, the influence, the wife, the kids, the family that he wanted, was reduced to nothing but tears and begging for you to not leave him.

Your eyes opened as you turned to look at your right hand. Holding your hand in a death grip was the hands of your husband. You could only see the head of his hair as he seemed to be kneeling at the side of your bed. You heard him muttering and saying something but you weren't exactly sure.

You raised an eyebrow. "Izuku?"

Your husband raised his head, and that's when you saw his beautiful green eyes were red with tears as they just fell from his eyes. He looked up at you as if you were a ghost for a moment before a sob came out of his mouth as he pulled your hand to his face. He cried and you didn't know why he was crying.

Didn't you just take a nap?

"Izu, are you okay?" You asked him gently. "Why are you crying? Where's the baby?" You asked looking around. Your body felt heavy but that was labour for you.

Izuku couldn't let go of you. "Oh thank God." He let out with a sigh. He kissed the back of your hand as he refused to look away from you.

-Glitch1d

#dilf midoriya #dilf deku #dilf izuku midoriya #dilf izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku x reader #mha x y/n #deku x reader #mha

[meichenxi]

languages, travel, identity, grief

Maybe some of you have heard of Xu Zhimo's Second Farewell to Cambridge (徐志摩 再別康橋 Translation: Saying Goodbye to Cambridge Again, by Xu Zhimo | East Asia Student). It's an achingly lovely poem about a Chinese scholar who studied in the UK, and how he left so gently, taking nothing with him as he went. It brought me solace over the last year.

I thought for a very long time about how I felt about having to leave China, and what it felt like to mourn for a future that was never going to mine. I cried. How am I supposed to explain why? I'm not Chinese. I've got no family there, or a childhood to look back on. I couldn't explain it even to myself.

That pain was coupled with a type of uncertainty, a discomfort at myself for feeling so strongly. This feeling was not allowed. It meant - what? Something awful, probably. I was a racist, probably. I should hate myself, probably. Fetishization is the word that gets thrown around for white people and their time spent in East Asia at one end of the spectrum - at the other end it's just seen as embarrassing and deeply, you know, cringe. It's a self-interrogation - why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel this pull so strongly anyway, to a country that's not even mine? Why should it matter so much when I leave? I didn't feel like this grief has any sort of legitimacy. But it has taken from September - eight months after leaving - for me to pick up Chinese again.

I felt, for months, hollow and unsettled and drifting from place to place. I opened my textbook, and closed it again. The memories there were too painful. I'm not going to write about why I had to leave, but it wasn't by choice. I had loved the people in the school, even if it was for a short time. When you have no internet and are training eight hours a day, the days are coloured more sharply: bright and hurtful and wonderful all at once. We had no running water. It was in an abandoned hotel. I miss the monk at the temple door opposite the school, always on time at 6am to open it for our classes. I miss the folk at the local shop who invited me to watch films on their projector; once they killed a chicken for us. I miss the woman in the woods who gave me the chestnuts she had picked. I gave the chestnuts to the cook, and we steamed them and ate them by the lake. He wanted me to marry his son; he wanted it so strongly that he brought me pork, and desserts, and gave me paper, and promised me I could have a jade bracelet, that he would buy me a house. I miss the oldest martial arts teacher, who spoke in such strong dialect I could barely understand him. When I was sad and missing home one night, he told me that I should stay after dinner. In the silence and against the cicadas, he started to play the erhu for me. Later, my friend told me that he hadn't know what to say, how to comfort me; I was a foreigner and a young woman, after all. We had very little in common. But nobody has ever played a piece of music for me like that before.

And I miss X, my best friend there and partner in snack-smuggling crime. She is 19 years old, and a janitor's daughter, and one of the wisest people I have ever met. (She also rides an excellent motorbike, and lent me her hanfu, and we sped through the city giddy with our own daring and trying not to be caught.) We got matching haircuts; she had always wanted to cut her hair like a boy, and was too scared to do it alone. When I left, I told her to stay in touch: she shook her head. She said that some people were meant to know each other for some time, and no more. I think the death of friendship by attrition, by - as Elrond said! - the slow decay of time, is one of the saddest things of all. I deleted Wechat. I don't want to read over the old messages. By having this place - her, and the chestnuts, and the cicadas - as a memory, I can tuck it away it. I can keep it close.

I wrote a poem myself on the plane. That was the last I thought about China, the last thought I let myself have, in eight months. I kept myself away from it. It felt like a wound. And against that hollowness, there was constantly the question: Why should I have any right to miss this place? Who I am there? Why does it matter? We are all different people, wherever we go, and whoever we are with; we wear different skins, large or small. In China I was [...]. She was who I was. That name, that I introduced myself to people with - she was bright and friendly and tried to translate things just so. Everybody who goes as the only foreigner to a place - or the only foreigner that speaks the language - is a little bit self-obsessed. It happens. It's unfortunate, and something to guard against. But it also gives you its own kind of identity in a way: your identity is Foreigner. Your identity is a cultural bridge. Everyone you meet, in a country as friendly and curious as China, has questions about you. You stand with your feet in both worlds, and are not really part of either of them. That identity is easy to slip into, like cool water, like trying on new clothes. It's easier that thinking: who am I outside of that? Where am I going? I don't really know. I don't think anyone really does.

And then the second thing happens. I speak Chinese well, by this point. My accent is there, but it's slight. I am short, and have dark hair, and a generally similar build to many East Asians - so the questions I have got in the last few years have changed. Sometimes people think I have been raised here. Sometimes they think I am ethnically Russian, and nationally Chinese. Sometimes I get asked if I am half Chinese. Usually they know I am a Foreigner, 100% white - but not always. There is a peculiar rush that comes from that acceptance; from feeling the relief, just for fifteen minutes, that you belong. It's not about 'passing', or race-bending, or anything twisted - it's nothing so unnerving as that. It's just the human need to belong. Everyone gets tired of being stared at, after a while. And after a while, you start to think - I wish I understood. I wish they understood. I wish this were easy.

But then the conversation keeps going. You don't know a local word, or you misunderstand. You say something in a strange way, or you make a strange gesture, and the glass shatters, and - there you are again, naked again, exhausted again, explaining yourself again. That's the other half of it. There's solace in the Foreigner identity, because that means that's all you are. You don't have to think about your parents, or whether they worry about you so far from home; of course they do. The Foreigner is good and filial and a wonderful daughter. You can craft her into any shape you like. But it also marks you out again and again, endlessly and again, as Other.

There was a paper published a while ago that showed measures of acceptance of non-natives in native-speaking communities. It highlights a strange, but familiar experience to those who have lived abroad - the people who spoke the language to a medium level felt more accepted and less lonely than those that spoke the language to a high degree. It makes sense, and mirrors what I have found with both Chinese and German. When you speak a little Chinese, you are a wonder - a curiousity! Look at the Western girl go! People are kind, and curious, and will slow down to include you in conversations. You are thrilled with what you can access - all this knowledge, that other people don't have! Look how special you are!

And then you get better. And then you realise, cut by cut, that you will never be one of them. You don't want to be Chinese, per se; but you do want to be accepted. You are happy to be British; but you miss China like a wound, an old one, festering, even when it was never yours. How do you tell your family that you are not grieving a lost romance, a beautiful girl, but a language and a life? That there are words of majesty, of playfulness, that will never be yours? You speak well enough that people no longer bother to dumb things down, or explain them; you sit with your discomfort, smile painted on, because - you know. It's not bad. You understand most of it. And on the edge of that circle, smiling uncertainly, following the vast majority of what is being said, you are not clever enough and not witty enough to keep up with the chengyu, the cultural references, the slang, and the raucous laughter around you erupts, and you don't know what you've missed, and everybody says - she's quiet, that one. Maybe all the foreigners are? And all you are doing is sitting and feeling the distance between You and Them as heavy and as stifled in your chest as an ocean of dark.

So you go back. Back to your people. But when you sit with the other foreigners, you are apart. They laugh; what are these nutters doing? The Chinese don't make any sense. The Chinese do this - they do that. You sit there, and then there is a pressure building in your chest too, a discomfort, the desire to stand up and say - well, actually.

You are responsible for everything the Chinese teachers do, and have to explain things in a way that the students understand - Confucian thought, and Buddhist philosophy, translated in pithy bite-size adages for the West. You have no qualifications for this; everything you assert, you feel unsure. Uncertain. Someone else could explain it better, more nuanced, and you need to do more reading anyway - but here you are, and here they are, and you're the only one. And you do know. Not enough, but enough that their jokes, their pains, make you uncomfortable. You feel the need to defend both parties; to be a diplomat, every second of every day. In turn, when the students come to the teachers with problems, you have to translate their grievances in a way that the Chinese teachers will be sympathetic towards. Once I got asked: why do you never join us after class? Why are you always so quiet when you're not working? As a translator, you are always working. Every time you speak, you are working; what you choose to say, and what you choose to not say, and where you choose to intervene. You are building relationships, and disappearing, and you are becoming invisible, and you're a nothing, and you're everyone and you're nobody and nobody realises you are doing anything more than translating at all.

I wanted to stay. I couldn't have stayed. I wanted to be accepted as one of them. I wanted to be accepted for who I was. That means a foreigner. I wanted to be true to myself, which means that I would always be the Foreigner, which means I would always be apart from them. It is that contrast and juxtaposition which causes the grief. And there was never an ending to it, a resolution, a chance to reconcile myself (in China) with myself (in the UK), because all at once I had to leave. The grief comes most from the second arrow - not the pain of leaving, but the bewilderment of not knowing why I was in pain at all.

It's been eight months. Slowly, as spring comes, I feel like I am on surer ground. I can look at my old books, those painstaking notes, and I could look at new ones too and I'm starting to think, because this is what I tell my students, and maybe there's some truth in it - it's okay if you're not perfect. It's okay if you didn't achieve what you wanted to, and that the language - in its wholeness, and who can ever know that? - will never, not quite, be yours. It's the struggle and the process that means that I will know and understand Chinese in a different way, in my own way, in a slanted-to-reality sort of way, that is a treasure in and of itself. There is beauty in its brokenness too.

And there is sorrow, too. The sorrow that comes with easing yourself into a different life, and it holding you gently for a while. I sat there - I spoke to them. It's not only missing a place; it's missing a person you were, a stage of your life, for a time. It's knowing that a place has reached inside your ribs and taken root there - even if you don't return, you can never fully get rid of that again. You are two people now, with feet straddling two oceans. There are parts of you that loved and suffered and hated and grew in Chinese, not English. You can't explain that. You can't even begin. Sometimes - not often - you are a stranger in your own land. The poets spoke of that. In the age of fast travel, of the weekend break, we have forgotten the ways a place can burrow itself inside you, and find its own home.

It's not the same as the grief that someone Chinese will face. But it's still grief. I have put my life into Chinese. Maybe that is all it takes to grow love.

Now, I turn back to Chinese - as a foreigner, as Melissa, as myself. It's a bittersweet thing. I know that I cannot hold all of it. It will spill out, like the sun, and there is no way I can be that without losing myself and my history and my own green woods. But I think I am ready now. I am surer, and a little steadier on my feet.

#langblr #chinese #languages #culture #china #:(((((((((((

[leadexorcist]

I Want You to Lose Control

Summary: Adam just wanted Lucifer to lose control

WARNING: Smut, Praise Kink, Heavy Feminization, Crossdressing, Semi-Public Sex, Semi-Car Sex, Thigh Riding, Fingering, Eye Contact, Finger Sucking, Top Lucifer Morningstar, Bottom Adam, Adam has a Pussy, Double Penetration(kinda), Anal Fingering(kinda), Established Relationship

Adam’s content.

He’s happy, something he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

And he’s finally with the love of his life, well, afterlife, but still.

Just as it should have been since that damn Garden.

Sure, coming back as a Sinner was the last fucking thing on Adam’s mind after the last Extermination Day, but if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have rekindle what he thought was lost, way back in Eden.

Lucifer had offered a deal that Adam couldn’t turn down, protection from Hell that wanted to do less than savory things to the First Man, due to the past Exterminations.

It was really a no brainer on what Adam’s answer was.

Since then, Adam had been staying at the Hotel, and as he would hate to admit it. It was actually kinda nice. There weren’t any eyes on him all the time, no expectations he had to meet. He was just Adam.

But Lucifer had been awkward, well he’s always awkward, but more than usual? And at first it was easy to ignore, until Adam noticed it was just around him, that Lucifer loses his cool, making everything tense and leaving everyone embarrassed, sans Adam, who was just confused.

Surprisingly, it was Husk, who spilled to Adam late one night, on why Lucifer was so off.

And let’s just say the night ended with Lucifer going to sleep, a very happy man, cuddling with his Dove.

The past few weeks after that had been the same, just with more Lucifer involved and Adam couldn't find it in himself to particularly mind Lucifer's attention was solely focused on him, just like he had always wanted.

And the sex! Fuck, Adam had never felt so safe, wanted, cherished, loved.

Lucifer always make sure if he’s okay and comfortable, but Adam is getting fucking sick of it.

Don’t get him wrong, he loves what he has with Lucifer in and out of the bedroom, it's just..

Adam wanted Lucifer to lose control, just this once.

So when he put on a black silk dress, he had a mission; Drive Lucifer Fucking Crazy. Lucifer was already at the bar with the rest of their friends and Adam was supposed to meet them as soon as he finished tending his garden. It was a gift from Lucifer that left Adam with a very sore throat when he showed Lucifer how thankful he was.

Usually, it would take Adam a while to get out of his garden, but he finished early, he was a man on a mission after all.

His dress barely covered his ass, it was too revealing, but Adam knew how he looked, knew that people usually liked him because he was hot. He put on red lipstick, finishing the look with a gold choker on his neck, a L dangling from it. He could feel all eyes on him when he stepped into the dive bar, he made his way to the bar, ordering a glass of vodka. The bartender had handed it over with a compliment, and Adam would have thanked the man, if it wasn’t for his not so subtle eye-fucking and the excessive lick of his lips. He shuddered in disgust and ignored the man, making his way to the booth that the Hazbin’s had occupied, after spotting them the minute he walked in.

Lucifer actually choked on his drink when he saw him, and Adam hid a smug smirk behind the rim of the glass in his hand, and was quickly pulled to Lucifer’s side, who was content to pepper kisses on his neck and collarbone as Adam talked to the rest of the group. Soon they scattered around, some dancing, some to the pool tables, and Adam and Lucifer were left alone.

“Oh, Adam baby,” Lucifer groaned into His Dove’s neck, inhaling his scent. “Do you actually wanna kill me?”

“Hello to you too, Luci,” Adam snickered, and Lucifer pulled away from the tempting pale neck to kiss him, Adam’s hand softly brushing his red circled cheeks.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Lucifer mumbled against Adam’s lips, slowly pulling him into his lap. Adam ignored what he said and kept on kissing him, sucking his long snake tongue into his mouth, his hands playing with the blonde hairs at the nape of the shorters neck. Lucifer sighed contentedly, happy to stay there, making out with His Dove.

“Let’s go home?” Adam whispered as he pulled away, his lips swollen, Lucifer’s face messed up, red lipstick smeared all over his chin and mouth, he looked up at Adam, dazed. Adam grinded on a thin but muscular thigh, letting out a soft moan. “Please, Luci?”

“Fuck, yes baby,” Lucifer was still nodding as he was led outside by Adam, their hands entertwined. Adam heard him growl, Lucifer’s free hand squeezing his ass. Thankfully, the Royal Limo was waiting outside for them, and they quickly climbed into the backseat.

“Adam, baby, light of my life,” Lucifer said with a groan as Adam straddled him again, slowly riding his thigh. “You look so fucking good like this,” Lucifer whispered, pushing his fingers past plump lips, Adam sucking them as a soft moan escapes his mouth at the praise. Lucifer pushed his thigh into Adam’s core, helping him grind more firmly, Adam kept looking into red eyes, letting out soft whines as he sucked on the offered fingers. “Such a good girl, my prettiest good girl.”

“Fuck,” Adam whimpered, burying his head into Lucifer’s neck now that both of Lucifer’s hands are on his hips, pulling him down harder. Lucifer’s slacks were wet, ruined by Adam, but he groans each time he feels his wetness spread on him. Adam was reaching his climax, letting out soft ‘Ah, ah, ah’s’ repeatedly, his plush thighs are shaking as he loses his rhythm, Lucifer keeps his hands on his hips, helping him ride his orgasm. Adam keeps his face buried into Lucifer’s neck, biting and sucking.

“Thank you, Sebastian.” Lucifer says, carrying Adam and basically running to their shared room. Adam makes a small mental note to ask Lucifer to give the man a raise, poor man is probably traumatized. But Lucifer pushes him against the door as soon as they step inside, a knee between his legs.

“I don’t think you know what you do to me,” Lucifer groans into his collarbone, leaving a trail of bruises that Adam wouldn’t mind showing off. “Coming into the bar, looking like this, I wanted to rip this dress off as soon as you walked in, taking you in front of everyone, especially in front of the ones who stared for far too long,” Lucifer carefully took off the silk dress. “I really like this one, I don’t wanna ruin it,” he answered sheepishly as Adam arched a brow at him.

“But Luci~! What if I wanted you to lose control?” Adam purred against his lips, pushing down against the knee between his legs. “What if I wanted you to bend me over that table and fuck me in front of all those people? Until I’m so sore I can barely walk. Then everyone would see how good you fuck me.”

“Holy fucking shit, Dove, your driving me crazy,” Lucifer groaned into his neck as Adam, wrapped his legs around his waist, rubbing against the firm muscle he can feel through Lucifer’s button up. Lucifer sucks a nipple into his mouth, backing until he sits down on a sofa, Adam on his lap, riding his thigh once again. “Open your mouth for me baby,” Lucifer says as he pushes three fingers into his mouth, and Adam sucks on them greedily. “That fucking mouth of yours, you just love sucking, don’t you?”

Adam mewls, Lucifer’s other hand strokes his face softly, and Adam leans into the touch, moving his hips slower. “I’ll take care of you, My Love,” Lucifer whispers against his plump mouth, as his wet fingers dip inside Adam’s cunt, his thumb rubbing firm circles on the others stiff clit. “Will you be a good girl for me?”

“I’ll be your best girl,” Adam whines into his mouth as Lucifer’s fingers move inside him, stroking his sweet spot relentlessly. Lucifer helps him ride his fingers as he pulls and pinch his nipples, addicted to the noises Adam lets out breathlessly, he twists his fingers suddenly, and Adam arches his back, his plush chest pushed into Lucifer’s face, a bright blush spreading to his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

“That’s it baby,” Lucifer coos, kissing his neck and biting, soothing the bites with his long tongue. “You’re so beautiful like this.” Adam whimpers, dropping his head onto Lucifer’s shoulder.

Lucifer carries him to their bedroom, dropping him on the bed and crawling on top of him. “I’m nowhere near done with you,” Lucifer says with a wicked grin and snarl as Adam pushes his shirt off his shoulders. “Wanna taste you,” Lucifer mumbles out as he trails wet kisses down Adam’s body. He pushes Adam’s legs apart, an appreciative hum leaving his mouth as he inhales his scent, kissing the inside of those thighs, leaving red angry marks on pale skin, letting out hot soft breathes on Adam’s quivering cunt, listening to him moan and watching him chase his mouth, such a beautiful mess. Lucifer quickly leans down and sucks his clit, hard, and Adam cums, hard. Lucifer laughs softly as he licks up the mess he made. He stands up and takes off his pants, flipping Adam onto his stomach, two thumbs pressing on back dimples.

“You’re so gorgeous like this,” Lucifer praised. “Spread out, looking so fucked,” Lucifer presses his cock into Adam’s dripping cunt, slowly pushing in, Adam moans high and loud into the pillows. “I bet my throne you look the best with my cock snuggled deep inside of you.”

“God, Luci~,” Adam moans, his voice gone. “Fuck me, please,” he pushes back, but Lucifer keeps him in place, admiring how good he looks. He pushes in, his thick cock sinking lower, spreading Adam out as he groans and thrashes.

“What a beautiful mess,” Lucifer whispers, his chest flushed to Adam’s back, a lazy rhythm of pushing and pulling, wet slick noises filling the room. “My beautiful mess,” Lucifer presses soft feather kisses between Adam’s shoulder blades and back, his thumb now pushing into that tight puckered hole, his other thumb rubbing firm circles on his clit, helping him relax. “I wanted to fuck your ass for so long, baby,” Lucifer whispers, as Adam’s high moans fill the room, Lucifer’s thumb finally pops inside. “You’re so tight, baby, do you think I can fit my cock?”

“You’ll make it fit. You always do” Adam moans, his words slurred. “Please, fuck. Please Luci~!”

”What do you want, baby?” Lucifer asks, pushing all the way in, leaving kisses on Adam’s back. “Tell me, anything for you.”

"I don’t know,” Adam sobs into the pillow, frustrated. “Make me feel good, Lucifer.”

"I’ll make you feel good, My Love,” Lucifer promises, pulling his thumb out. “Relax for me?”

"Yes,” Adam breathed out, now laying on his back, spreading his legs farther. “Anything for you,” he echoes, Lucifer’s smile is full of love as he leans down, kissing him thoroughly. “Tell me if it’s too much?” Lucifer says, looking into Adam’s eyes, who nods, enthusiastic.

Lucifer pushes his cock into Adam, slow and deliberate. Before setting a pace that drives him wild, giving it to him how he likes it, fast and dirty, Adam’s moans drive him wild, and before he knows it Lucifer cums undone, absolutely ruined as he kisses Adam’s pale throat, who rides out his orgasm slowly.

"Up for another round?” Lucifer asks after a while, trailing light kisses on Adam’s jaw. “Or do you wanna take a bath and then cuddle?”

"A bath sounds perfect, Lu,” Adam’s voice is raspy, and Lucifer’s sure he’d fall to his knees if he wasn’t already lying on bed, he purrs into the bruised up neck as fingers softly scratch his scalp.

#adamsapple #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer

[aurumacadicus]

92 or 14 maybe? 🤔

Going with 14!

--

Prince Anthony was picking his feathers out again.

Steve wordlessly set his shield aside and walked over to grab his hands, yanking them down, away from his wings. "Your highness--"

"I know!" Prince Anthony exclaimed defensively. His wrists jerked in Steve's grip, though, back toward his wings, and he wilted under Steve's stern glare. "I know," he repeated miserably.

It broke Steve's heart, but he turned to grab the picking glove, and while Prince Anthony obediently stuck his hands in so the mouth could be cinched tight around his wrists, he couldn't help but think it wasn't fair. Maybe Prince Anthony wouldn't be picking himself bald if he didn't have to choose a suitor in the next three days.

Prince Anthony had always been put off by the cock parties, as he'd called them--"cockerel balls" had always seemed to lend a layer of refinement to them that they didn't deserve, he'd said. Mostly, it was young cocks approaching and trying to impress prospective hens, and as Prince Anthony had a sizeable fortune behind him, he'd been the one most flocked to. It had made him suspicious, nervous even, of anyone's attention. Steve had watched, heart sinking with every ball, as grabby kids who barely knew what to do with a cloaca fawned all over Prince Anthony for the chance at his wing in matrimony.

It had given him nothing but a dim view on mating parties and cocks in general, which was probably why he'd gotten away with his secret for so long. He was so visibly disgusted after each cockerel ball that everyone assumed even if he was pregnant, he'd get rid of it as quickly as possible. Only when the rumors about his sudden cravings for sardines and almonds got loud enough to reach the royal court did it become necessary for Prince Anthony to undergo medical examination. And, well, when it was found to be true, that a royal hatchling was on the way, an unwed, pregnant royal was deemed a hazard to... what was it they had said? Public decency and the dignity of the crown?

Either way, it meant that another cockerel ball had been set up as quickly as possible, and Prince Anthony no longer had the choice of saying no to all comers if he wanted to keep his financial backing, even if he plucked himself bare in the meantime.

Steve watched Prince Anthony begin to pace, feeling helpless. His prince was in trouble, and he could do nothing of import to stop it. Prince Anthony looked like a caged animal as he walked up and down the carpet. He wasn't even showing yet. Was the palace hoping to get him wed immediately and lie about the hatchling being early? Someone would be bound to talk. That's what had started this mess, after all.

"I suppose," Prince Anthony began, voice halting and pained as he turned to pace in front of the window, obviously hoping the sun's rays would help him feel better. "That Lady Pepper is. Nice enough. Could pass the egg off as hers if we married."

"I suppose," Steve agreed, hoping he sounded noncommittal instead of just bitter.

"Or. Or that kind--Bruce? I think?"

"The alchemist Bruce was very kind," Steve answered with a nod.

"Or I could... I could just..." Prince Anthony stopped in front of the window, staring outside. Then, as quickly as he stopped, he turned around, eyes wide and beseeching. "Run away with me."

Steve's mouth dropped open in shock. He blinked at Prince Anthony slowly, unable to comprehend what he'd just been asked. Prince Anthony was a well-loved public figure, and while Steve was famous for his work in the war, he'd never been... someone people wanted to see running the country. In fact, if anyone ever found out that he was the one who had henned the heir apparent, he likely wouldn't be able to see him again. Prince Anthony was royalty. Steve had clawed his way up from the streets. He was only Prince Anthony's personal guard because there had been several attempts on his life, and Steve was the best at what he did.

"Run... away...?" Steve finally repeated, still not quite believing it.

"I'm just a figurehead for this stupid country," Tony spat, hope giving way to anger. "They only kept royalty on as a tradition they didn't know how to quit, as a show. I don't have any real power. And that's how they can bully me into getting married, picking a cock I don't even like all that much to be the legitimate father of my egg--So. So let's run away."

There were many reasons why Steve should say no. The country loved Prince Anthony, for one--he was only behind his late mother in terms of charity, and was quickly gaining on her record; despite the fact that he had no real power, he always did his best to influence parliament to vote in favor of the people; and the whole country had collectively swooned when a tabloid had leaked a picture of him holding a baby at the hospital with the quote 'babies need to be held' splashed under it. Steve was a nobody, come up from nothing, and most people did not have good things to say about him coming up from nothing because of the war.

Prince Anthony's gaze was steady, though, when Steve met his eyes. He was certain of his decision. That was one of the things Steve liked about him--he knew what he wanted, and if he could get it, he eagerly went through with it. And if he couldn't get it, he was a gracious loser.

"Your highness," Steve began with a sigh.

"I don't care if we're poor," Prince Anthony continued before he could voice his dissent, the determination in his voice making Steve's mouth snap shut in surprise. "You'll take care of us. And I--I have an education. I can get a job to help. You helped make this egg," he added sharply. "Are you refusing to take responsibility? And could you really just let someone else raise your chick?"

If he told himself it was for the better, to make sure the chick got everything it needed or wanted, he probably could. Prince Anthony would love it enough for the both of them, even if his new spouse only tolerated the chick. It wasn't ideal, but then, neither was getting Tony laden with egg before marriage. A marriage that couldn't happen because of who he was and who Prince Anthony had turned out to be. Steve opened his mouth to tell him in no uncertain terms that he would not be taking the spot from a more deserving rooster.

But he didn't want to. And Tony was clearly showing he didn't want to either. So he looked up at Tony and nodded sharply. "Alright, Tony."

"Tony," he repeated in a whisper, shocked. Steve only ever called him that in bed; he needed the separation of work and intimacy, and it helped to remind Tony, too, that he couldn't reach out and touch whenever he wanted. Steve watched as Tony's mouth spread into a wide smile as he lunged toward him, hooking his bound hands behind Steve's neck and pulling him down for an overjoyed kiss just bordering on desperation. Apparently, eschewing his proper name was all the real confirmation he needed of Steve's feelings.

Steve threw his wings up in a mating display just to make sure there was no misunderstanding.

#aurumacadicus answers #sunnysideprincess #1-161 stony ficlet challenge #stony

[hwanchaesong]

Idyllic (Mutual Pining) Preview

pairing: Jake X F!Reader

synopsis: He conceals his presence well and you are a good secret keeper. A combination that ends up in a museum of doubts and hesitance. Then again, a game of hide and seek never hurt anyone, right?

word count: tba

genre & warnings: angst, smut, fluff, warnings tba

a/n: this is a teaser for the upcoming Enhypen: Tropes & Parallels series that i've been working on. i hope y'all look forward to it. please don't hesitate to tell me if you wanted to be added to the taglist. tysm 🩷

You tried to hold your tears back, keen on not showing any signs of weakness, not on a special day like this.

It's your birthday, for fucks sake!

The day you were born, the day you graced the earth with your presence. It's a day where you're supposed to feel like you're the only girl in the world.

So why the fuck are you outside, in the garden of the party hall that your friends went through the trouble of renting? Why the fuck are you sitting on a grass while wearing your prettiest dress, weeping like a child?

"Y/N? Why did you leave the party?"

Ah, there's the reason.

Sim fucking Jaeyun, better known as Jake.

"No reason," you tried to stabilize your voice, key word: tried, "just needed some fresh air."

Jake squinted his eyes at your slumped figure, he'd be lying if he says that he believes that pathetic excuse of a lie that you told him. He'd be kidding himself if he says that he wasn't able to read your body language, clearly, something is bothering you.

"Tell me." he declares, walking closer to you and that turned on a switch in you, panicking on what you should say because he can't see you like this.

He's not supposed to see you in such a sorry state, sporting Rudolf's red nose when it's months away from Christmas. Fat, ugly tears pooling in your eyes and your mascara must be ruined by now. He's not supposed to see you being this down bad for him, to the point that you're willing to bawl your eyes out in a place like this.

"Don't come near me! Please, leave me alone." you accidentally yelled at him, wrapping your arms around yourself and totally losing it. You hid your face on your arms, sobbing quietly, not having it in you to continue bearing the pain of having the love of your life be the loss of your life in one night.

It was your fault. Everything was your fault.

You didn't confess to him when you had the chance. You let him meet new girls, you supported him when he said that he wanted to talk with the girl that was recently transferred in your class.

It was your fault for being a mess, for being a coward. It was your fault for settling in the title of being friends.

The times when you shared secret glances across the room, the touches that were far too long to be considered platonic but never really given the meaning that they deserve, the sweet nothings that you whisper to each other after a long, tiring day.

You were the culprit behind the heist, so really, you shouldn't act like the victim. It's unfair for him.

You deserve this, to be left alone, wallowing in self-pity and cursing yourself repeatedly until you couldn't breathe anymore.

As your castle crumbled, you felt warm arms around you, the familiar figure dropping to his knees, pulling you onto his sturdy body, fingers soothing through your tangled strands.

"Jake?" you whispered his name, hoping that it was him. Wishing that he didn't really leave you, that it's him holding you, comforting you through this situation that you've put yourself in.

He hummed, his answer making your heart explode into the most colorful shades of fireworks.

"I'll be the biggest asshole if I leave the girl I have prayed for all my life here, crying during the day that she was given to me by the gods."

taglist

@lilyuwon @ramenoil

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen smut #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader smut #enhypen reactions #enhypen fanfiction #jake imagines #jake fluff #jake smut #jake x reader #sim jake imagines #sim jake smut #sim jake fluff #sim jaeyun imagines #sim jaeyun smut #sim jaeyun fluff #jake angst #sim jake angst #sim jaeyun angst #heeseung imagines #jay imagines #sunghoon imagines #sunoo imagines #jungwon imagines #niki imagines #jake scenarios

[leliawrites]

the psyfe boys as romance tropes?

PSYCHIC FEVER AS ROMANCE TROPES

jimmy- fake relationship, forced proximity

imagine jimmy's sick and tired of everyone sliding in his dms, he asks you to pretend to be his partner in exchange for social clout. he invites you on a retreat with his friend group to protect himself from this one girl who's obsessed with him. you both have to share one bed though ohhhh im feeling queezy D;

kokoro- enemies to lovers, specifically competitors to lovers, angst

kokoro's a great dancer. he's a bigger asshole with an even bigger ego. that's why you can't let him win your town's dance championship for the third time. but what happens when the next challenge pairs you up with him for a partner dance?

ryoga- brother's best friend, forbidden love

your brother had one rule for his best friend ryoga in their shared apartment: ryoga cannot mess around with you.

and so it becomes a daily routine to wake up ten minutes before your brother's alarm goes off, so you can sneak out of ryoga's room after spending the night with him.

tsurugi- single father whose kids are your students

tsurugi shows up. not all fathers do that. he comes to the parent teacher conferences, and picks up his twin daughters and drops them off punctually everyday. so when he didn't show up for pick-up on their birthday, you couldn't help but feel disappointed for the girls.

"lets get you home" you sigh as you tighten their seatbelts and get in the drivers seat.

you drive home only to find that tsurugi has made the whole house into a theme park, with bouncy castles, magicians, and lots of cotton candy.

"mr. takahashi, why did you do all this just to leave them at school?"

"how else was i supposed to get you here?", he smiles widely at you, "besides, if there's anyone i trust with my girls, it's you."

(literally screaming as i wrote this btw)

ren- best friends to lovers

it was never the plan to kiss your best friend. you both were just playing video games.

"ren watanabe, prepare to meet your demise" you taunt him as you power up your character, making it damage his character even more.

"if i die, then who's gonna be the only man you can ever talk to" he mocks you, playfully nudging you off the couch.

you get up on your feet and distract him from the screen by sitting in his lap and snatching his console.

"shut up or i'll kiss you!!" you joke, like best friends do.

"so do it. kiss me." and the rest is history...

ryushin- wrong number romance

the number who's been trying to call ryushin for the past half hour is now pestering him over text.

"WEESA PLEASE PIK UP I NEED TO TELL U ABT THIS. BOY I SAW TODAY PLZZZZ"

the unknown number sends a picture of themselves making a funny crying face.

ryushin laughs to himself, finding you weirdly cute.

"can you stop calling me? you've got the wrong number." he replies back.

"haha very funny weesa. anyways so he works at the local cafe and he said his name's ryushi or something?"

"actually it's ryushin."

"how do you know?"

"because... i'm him" he sends a picture of himself to you.

weesa- protagonist is oblivious to the childhood friend who's been in love with you since the beginning, slow burn

weesa opens the door to you crying after another fight with your toxic boyfriend. you fall into his arms, feeling rejected by the world and fueled with a self-hatred weesa could never understand. as you let out all the tears and snot, he feed you your favourite cookies. he doesn't mind that you're wiping your face into his sweatshirt.

"ugh you're such a sweetheart. if only i could find a man like you." you confess as he wipes the tears from your face.

"hm." he stoically replies. he's heard this before. and he asks himself the question he's been asking since you both were kids, "why not me?"

#psychic fever #psychic fever from exile tribe #psychic fever x reader #psychic fever headcanons #psychic fever soft hours #ryoga #weesa #kokoro #ren watanabe #ryushin #tsurugi #jimmy psychic fever

[zorosprincess]

Betrayal

PAIRING - Miya Osamu x Reader WC - 1.4K GENRE - Light Angst not really Crack Fic lbr CW - mentions of cheating

"I'm sorry."

It was a whisper, a pathetic sentiment at the moment.

"Osamu, please, I'm sorry."

There was nothing else you could say. You knew that. You couldn't even look at his face. You looked anywhere you could besides him. Your fingers pulled lightly at a loose thread on the sleeve of your sleep shirt, the loose shirt that belonged to the man you currently couldn't look in the eye.

"S'that all ya have t'say?" The betrayed tone bled through Osamu's voice as he leaned against the wall across from you.

You were suddenly extremely aware of how uncomfortable your couch was in this moment. You averted your eyes again, focusing on the coffee table in front of you now. It was a pretty glass top one that Osamu and you had picked out together your first month in your little apartment together.

You almost smiled as you remembered how happy you and Osamu had been to decorate your apartment together. You didn't because you remembered that you were about to be in one of the biggest fights you'd ever been in with each other.

And it was your fault.

"What else am I supposed to say 'Samu?" There was nothing you could say.

"I didn't mean to?" You did mean to.

"I didn't know what I was doing?" You knew exactly what you were doing and how much it would hurt him if he found out.

"I didn't do it?" You both knew that wasn't true. You had been caught red-handed. He had walked into the room in the middle of it.

You sighed and hung your head again. Your eyes trained on the decorative rug under your feet. You slowly traced the design with your toe as you waited for him to respond.

"How could ya do that t'me?" His voice was soft and if you didn't know better you'd say he was about to cry. But you knew better and you knew that if Osamu was arguing with you and was going to cry, he'd wait until you weren't there. Thinking that crying would only make you feel worse. You could say that this time, you might deserve to feel worse than you already were. But he was always thinking about you. Even now. "I thought ya loved me y/n."

Your head shot up then, eyes connecting with his. His eyes were filled with genuine hurt and you could feel your heartstrings slowly snapping. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, his muscles tensed and if the situation was different, you would have been simply admiring how absolutely attractive he was and how lucky you were to have him around. Instead- "I do love you!" You shouted, unintentionally being louder than you meant. You quieted yourself. He didn't deserve to be yelled at. "I love you so much Osamu."

He scoffed a little bit, turning his head to look away from you. "Ya love me so much." He drew out the 'so' and you flinched a little bit at the sarcasm in his voice. Tone biting into you. "That's why ya went and betrayed me like this!" His arm flung out and pointed towards the evidence of your betrayal as he yelled. You bit your lip, shame filling you. "If ya loved me ya wouldn'ta done it!"

"I'm sorry 'Samu!" You shouted back, losing your calm composure. "I don't know what I was thinking!" You sniffed a bit and gestured randomly as you continued. "You just weren't around! And it had been so long!" You threw your head back and groaned lightly, shifting your volume back down. "I don't know, I just couldn't wait anymore. I'm sorry 'Samu."

You lifted your eyes back to meet his as he looked at you incredulously. "Are ya kiddin' me!?" He was pissed now and you almost regretted your outburst. Almost. "Ya couldn't wait!? That's yer reason fer betrayin' my trust!" He laughed then, not a happy one that filled you with joy, not like the usual way he did. A bark of a laugh, one filled with irritation and sarcasm. "This is the last straw y/n! We're done!"

Your jaw dropped then. Amazed at the words that had just come out of the mouth of the man you swore you loved more than anything. "You're joking." He shook his head and crossed his arms again, looking away from you. You groaned in irritation. "You're being dramatic Osamu!" You were shouting without regret now. "It's not that big of a deal!"

"Dramatic!?" He looked back at you, jaw dropped. "Ya cheated on me!"

You rolled your eyes then, the last bits of your apologies draining. "I did not cheat on you!" You defended yourself to him.

"Ya betrayed me!" He shouted back, flinging his arms around to emphasize his point.

You ran your hands over your face in exasperation. "Now you're just actin' like 'Tsumu." You dug at him and watched as his jaw dropped at you. If he wasn't betrayed before, he surely was now.

"How dare-"

You cut him off. "It was just food, 'Samu! I'm sorry!" You went to stand from your position on the couch finally, taking a step towards him.

He stopped leaning against the wall in order to step away from you. That hurt. "Just food! I wake up 'spectin' to see my beautiful girl cuddled with me and 'stead find ya out here eatin' without me!"

"I tried to wait for you!" You raised your voice again. "You were the one not waking up! I thought I could get away with it before you woke up!"

"Ya thought ya could get away with it!?" You cringed as he mimicked back your choice of words, a bad choice. He pointed back to the evidence of your betrayal - an empty take out bag that you had door dashed to your apartment with the instructions to not knock and only text so that you wouldn't risk waking Osamu. "Didn't even think to get me somethin'!?"

"I'm sorry! Let me make it up to you please." You lowered your voice and he let you step closer. "I'll buy you whatever food you want from wherever you choose for the rest of the day." You could see his body visibly relax a little as he started to calm down.

You looked up at him and tapped on his collarbone lightly, trying to get him to look down at you and stop looking over your head to avoid you and your remorseful stare. "Forgive me baby?" He grumbled as you leaned up on your toes and pressed a kiss to the base of his throat, your usual indicator that you wanted him to lean down for a real kiss.

"Three days." He bartered with you, finally looking down and catching your gaze.

You hummed in thought before shaking your head. "Two. Take it or leave it."

"Fine." He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer at last. "You drive me crazy." He mumbled the half-hearted insult and pressed a soft kiss against your lips before releasing you.

Now that you two were done arguing, you could take a moment to appreciate the way he looked as he stepped back. Shirtless (stolen by your form) with his sweats hanging low on his hips, hair still messy from sleep. You smiled as you caught his eyes linger on your bare thighs, right where his shirt ended. He only rolled his eyes and turned away when he realized that he'd been caught.

"So, are we okay now?" You sing-songed as he started to walk back to your bedroom.

"You're still y/n for the next two hours." He threw back over his shoulder. "You don't get to be called Angel yet."

It was your turn to have your jaw drop in shock. "You never deny me of cute nicknames! You can't do that!" You scrambled to follow after him, not being able to see the smirk creeping onto his lips at your reaction.

"Ya compared me t'Tsumu." He wasn't honestly mad about it anymore, but he would be lying if he said he didn't find it cute to watch you pout at not being called by your usual nickname. He'd ;et you off the hook later, and make up for it at length.

"I said I was sorry!"

a/n a rewrite of my first ever fic <33 i still love her

#osamu x reader #osamu miya x reader #miya x reader #miya osamu x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #osamu fanfiction #miya osamu fanfiction #osamu miya fanfiction #𓇻 Osamu’s Gravity #𓇻 Void Screams Back

[gelly-fsh]

Doing that Dr. Who scene but with Jegulus because I remembered I have hands and free will

TW: mentions of torture

___________________/////___________________

When James was suddenly captured while finishing an errand for the Order, he knew he was going to die.

It was a bitter truth, but a truth nonetheless. The Order of the Phoenix didn't do rescue missions, they did not have the enough manpower to even consider it, so even if his friends and family begged Dumbledore on their knees, he knew it would be futile, so now the only thing he could do was to wait for his demise.

It was strange, if he thinks about it. The errand was an insignificant one, he was not supposed to encounter any Death Eaters because he just needed to take some documents to the Ministry, but before he could put a foot in the building, someone stunned him from behind, and then everything went black for a while.

Now that he's awake, confused about how much time has passed, he is trying to make sense of where he was left in. It was clearly a study, but it was pulsating constantly with the dark magic that came off all the cursed objects that were neatly piled in the shelfs beside him. The body bind he was still on didn't let him see much, but he had little time to wonder about anything else as he heard multiple footsteps entering the room.

"Finally, it seems you're awake now" even if he couldn't see him, James recognized the haughty and embarrassingly nasal voice of one if his captors.

"Snivellius, I'm not glad to see you" James replied

"The sentiment is mutual, believe me"

"Lets get this started Severus" a man said, and when he stood in front of James, he could identify him as Rodolphus Lestrange.

"Who are you?" Rodolphus asked

"Go fuck yourself" James replied fiercely. Rodolphus remained unfazed, but when he looked at someone behind James, he felt the hairs of his neck stand in alert, and then he felt it.

"Crucio!"

The pain was blinding. Sirius and even Regulus once told him how it felt to withstand the pain of this unforgivable, how you feel like you have been stabbed and electrocuted in all places at the same time, but no amount of descriptions would have prepared him for the real thing.

It was like that for a while. James refused to answer questions, and the crucioed him, until Rodolphus apparently grew bored of his suffering and just ordered Snape to make him chug down a clear liquid.

"Your name" Rodolphus asked again

"James Potter" he said easily, way too easily, and that when it hit him. Veritaserum.

"Where is Regulus Black now?" Now that question was weird, because Regulus? Why would they inquire specifically about his whereabouts? He is on their side no?

"I haven't the faintest idea" he gritted out, his voice a bit raw from his screaming

"Is that credible?"

"Well, it's true isn't it?" James answered plainly

"Did he leave any objects with you recently?" Snape asked next

"No he didn't" he replied easily again, did Regulus robbed this people or something?

"You're the man he loves no?" Now that questions hurted a lot

"No I'm not" saying it now is not easier than saying it a year ago, when the realization was still fresh, but instead of a bleeding cut, James just feels a throbbing pain that he has become accostumed between the space of his ribs, constant but familiar.

"He is lying!" Snape snarled, looking at Rodolphus, as if he was trying to wordlessly explain his mistake

"Regulus Black does not, and has never, loved me" James was almost glad for the Veritaserum, as it made all the information come out more easily, his mind unable to keep up with the truths his tongue spilled.

It doesn't mean the echoes of his truth didn't scratch the scab that was slowly covering his heart, leaving the wound bleeding and raw, just the exact same way Regulus left it the night he left his life for good.

"You know I'm not lying, you know I am incapable to do so right now" James doesn't know how wise it is to talk back this much to his captors, but he knew he was getting killed anyways, so he would not give them the satisfaction of seeing him cower.

"This is some kind of trick then, there is no way"

"There is no trick" James replied

"My information is correct. I know for a fact you are the man who loves Regulus Black"

"Yes I am, I've never denied it" James said simply, because even after everything, that was one of the only parts James knew he would never change about himself, no matter how hard he tried "But who told you he ever loved me back Snape?" He breathed, and he loved Regulus. He would die soon, loving him still.

"He is Regulus Black" James knew he was getting overworked over this, but this would be the last chance he had to talk about this, so he decided to take it "He doesn't go around falling in love with people. And if you think he would fall so low to be swayed for something like that, you are never getting whatever he took from you back"

"Sir, I assure you he is the perfect bait! If Black finds out he is in danger, he will come to his aid" Snape started to ramble, but James was started to get tired of all this charade.

"Oh, you are but a bloody moron" James sneered "He will not come, you're wasting your time"

"I can assure you Sir, that perhaps he is inside the mansion right now, looking for an opportunity to strike" Snape added

"Well go on and scan the whole bloody mansion then!" James raged "you will find nothing because he is not here"

"Merlin knows where he is right now. But I promise you, he is doing whatever the hell he planned and not giving a single damn about me!" James words flowed out like a stream of water, it flooded his senses, his emotions, he was drowning in the love he had for Regulus that he didnt want to receive or to give back, and everything just felt too much all over again.

"He will not come for me, and I'm fine with that" he sighed, feeling exhausted and defeated, the crucios and the thought of Regulus slowly draining all the fight and bravado he had left

"When you love Regulus, it's like loving the stars themselves! You don't expect a sunset to admire you back" he growled furiously, with hot tears threatening to spill off his eyes "And if I happened to find myself in danger like now, let me tell you Regulus is not stupid enough or sentimental enough-" he needed to take a breath, or a hundred "and he is certainly not in love enough to find himself standing in it with me!"

"This has gotten utterly ridiculous. Snape, you will be punished later for waisting my time, but right now let's just put an end to this quickly, ge doesnt know anything and he admitted to being useless" James could see Rodolphus' distaste in his eyes, how they scanned James as if he were a dirty bug "Dolohov, raise him a little, let's finish this quickly"

He was easily manhandled into the correct position so his whole chest was exposed, James didn't even fight it, afraid that if he did they would not let him die peacefully otherwise.

Even with all the mental preparation, James was not ready to die. At that moment he realized how young and truly inexperienced he really was, a pawn in in a war he didn't cause that was deprived of all the things he should have rightfully lived before, all all the things he had still to live but wouldn't be able to anymore.

Even after everything, even while knowing that Regulus' lack of love for him was part of the reason his life was gonna get cut short, James did not had in within himself to regret it, to regret him.

A million years or just one second could pass, and James would never regret loving that boy.

With him mind set and his conscience at peace, he set his chin high and threw a challenging stare at Rodolphus Lestrange, not moving an inch but quickly closing his eyes afterwards.

"Im sorry" he whispered, and he didnt know to who he was apologizing at all.

His last thought would be Regulus smile.

"Avada -" Suddlenly, Rodolphus started to make a gargled sound before it stopped, and James heard a loud thud falling in the carpet that made him open his eyes in pure astonishment.

Before him was Rodolphus, and he was dead.

"What in Salazar's name-" Dolohov started, just to quickly start doing the same frantic noises Rodolphus made before dropping on the floor too. Snape had a terrified expression while he looked behind James, almost like he had seen a ghost for the first time.

"Please, spare me, Re-" Snape couldn't even finish his begging, because suddenly his head was turned in a funny angle before falling on the floor too.

James didn't want to see, even if a part of him felt a sense of vindictive justice over the fact that his captors were all dead, he didnt know who the culprit was, so James just prepared himself to be murdered by a different hand now.

Until he heard a voice

"Hello, Mon Soleil"

Mon Soleil, that was a nickname he hasn't heard in a while, more than a year if he wanted to be more precise. That nickname took him back to happier times, to happier memories, and it inevitably took him back to the boy that was the reason for it. James opened his eyes at last.

"What are you doing here?" James asked, feeling a bit breathless at the sight of Regulus crouched in front of him "You're not supposed to be here"

"You were in danger, so I came" Regulus was raising his hand, seemingly to cup James face, but even if James yearned to feel Regulus touch against his skin, the piercing pain in his heart and his whole body made him flinch away from his hand

"Why would you do that?" James was not understanding anything at the moment, everything was a blurry of emotions and Veritaserum and so so much confusion that he was sure he sounded pathetic. Nonetheless, Regulus' gaze turned into something softer, and to James surprise, something filled with regret.

"You would never do that, at least certainly not for me" James followed, his whole body was trembling between the pain of the curses and the heartbreak. "I was thinking about you before I died, so maybe I did die and youre just here to make afterlife easier" James muttered, trembling, trembling, trembling.

"James, look at me." The Regulus-thats-not-Regulus said, expression pained "It is me. I came here for you, just for you mon Soleil" it was too much, and nothing was making any sense at all

"STOP!" James screamed "don't use that name. He used to call me that. Don't use that name. Don't-"

"Jamie, I'm so sorry" Regulus said desperately "I'm so so sorry, I will answer all of your questions when we are safe, but we need to leave right now, we need to go"

James eyes tried to concentrate on this Regulus' face, on the soft curls he threaded his hands on multipletimes, the eyes that he lost himself in, the freckles that marred his porcelain skin, everything he could. He knew he looked crazy, but he was trying to absorb all of Regulus that he missed the year they were apart. Even if common sense told him to not go with him, that there was no way Regulus was actually there, all sense of reason always left him whenever he was near, so he slowly reached to take Regulus extended hand, and when their palms united, James felt complete again after so long of being left half empty.

Regulus took his palm with a softness that felt familiar and foreign at the same time as he slowly rised it to him lips, kissing his knuckles softly with a heartfelt "Im sorry" to accompany it.

"Im going to need more than that" James said, his whole arm burned but his mind was clearing from the panicked fog by the second "but that shall wait, let's go"

They had a lot to talk about, Regulus had a lot to explain, but they had to get out of here first.

#jegulus #james potter #james x regulus #regulus black #starchaser #marauders #angst #based on that dr. who scene #mlm yearning #jegulus microfic

[livingformintyoongi]

The Han Family | Min Yoongi

Summary: You and Yoongi were together during high school. He was only a year older than you, but that never mattered to you. You both fit in perfectly; you had the cheerfulness and positivity that Yoongi lacked, and he had the patience and seriousness that you lacked. You were together until Yoongi entered his second year of college, both of you decided to end on good terms. You never stopped loving him, and deep down you thought he hadn't completely forgotten you either. Despite keeping that deep love that you were sure you would never get over, you decided to go on with your life, seeing more people, having more casual loves, until the arrival of Jumyeon, the Han's eldest son, and the person who would end up signing your death sentence. It had been more than 10 years since you last saw Yoongi, and meeting him again because of your father-in-law's murder was definitely not the way you expected to see him again. wc: 2.9k

You were upset, no, probably upset would be putting it mildly, you were furious. You couldn't believe that your boyfriend, the one you wasted four fucking years of your life for, was cheating on you for over two years, and worse, with his best friend, that same girl he practically forced you to meet because he wanted his girlfriend and best friend to be close. At least his "friend" had the basic human decency to confess to you that she was messing with him for years. 

"I picked your favorite restaurant, I had a hard time making a reservation" Jumyeon said, smiling at you as cheerfully as possible. You almost grimaced, but you tried to control yourself, you were supposed to be a mature woman, for god's sake, you were almost 30, you should be able to have control over yourself.

"Thank you, that's a very nice gesture" you murmured, drinking all the wine in your glass. This didn't even make it into the top 10 of your favorite restaurants. You hated the way they cooked their meat, and you knew the owner in person (who was close friends with Jumyeon), it wasn't much better than their supposedly quality food.

You looked at the large window next to you. The only thing worthwhile about this place was the view of the Han River. It was a sight worth seeing.

"I already placed the order, so all we have left to do is wait" he pulled out his phone for a second, but put it away as quickly as he took it. You assumed she was his mistress, or should you say "friend"?

"Okay" you leaned forward, resting your head on your hands. You wanted to wait for the right moment to tell him, as gently as possible, to go fuck himself.

You listened to him ramble on about his job for what seemed like hours. You had never cared about his work, but at least you heard him, you had the basic respect for him that couples should have. Now that he had disrespected you in such a way, why listen to his complaints? You owed him nothing, no more.

"Oh, thanks for the food," your boyfriend said in a cheerful tone. 

Only then did you pay attention to what was in front of you. The waiter lifted the plate cover carefully, looking at both of you at the same time. He was probably a hopeless romantic.

Unlike him, you just felt nauseous enough to make you lean forward. This man seriously sucked.

"Y/N" he approached you, pulling a red velvet box out of his pocket. "These years by your side have been the happiest of my life" If he was so happy, why did he cheat on you? "I knew you would be the love of my life the moment I saw you", and that's why he was so eager for you to change to his liking instead of letting you be yourself, "and I couldn't have been more right, because, honestly, I can't see a future where you're not" he sank to one knee, bringing out a ring that looked way too ostentatious. You wanted to throw it in his face. "And I know deep down you feel the same way I do, so please do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world. Marry me."

You stared at him, clenching your fists so tightly that your palms were starting to hurt. You turned to look at the dessert the waiter had camouflaged with the plate cover. A big "Will you marry me?" was written in the center. 

And suddenly, your immature side came out. You could no longer contain your urge to punch this jerk.

"Marry you?" you muttered, taking the small cake with which he tried to propose to you. You smiled almost helplessly. "Did you seriously just ask me that?".

Jumyeon laughed, standing up from the floor and looking at you with a shit-eating grin.

"Well, I know you'll say yes, but I thought that-".

You didn't let him continue, you didn't want to keep hearing his voice, so you did the first thing that popped into your head. You threw the dessert in his face and scrubbed it until there was nothing left. And, my god, it felt so satisfying.

"How can you ask me that after spending the afternoon with your so-called friend?" you growled, leaving the plate of cake on the table. "Are you so unmanly that you need to play with two women at once!?".

You ignored the murmurs from the audience, you didn't want to draw their attention, but you were too upset to speak softly, and he was the one who decided to do this in a public place.

"What? Is your brain not capable of coming up with excuses in such a short time?" you swept him with your eyes, feeling disgusted. "Never mind, I have no interest in listening to your lies anymore anyway." 

You grabbed your purse and pulled out your wallet, throwing a few bills in his face, "So you can pay the bill." 

And you left, ignoring his screams and insults. 

And, for the first time in years, you felt free.

You smiled big as you approached the elevator, and when you came within shouting distance of excitement, a guy a little taller than you knocked you to the floor. 

You complained quietly, taking the hand he offered you, but not seeing his face. You were too happy to complain to him.

"Sorry, I didn't look where I was walking" you gave a little bow, ready to leave. Until you felt a hand stop on your wrist.

"Y/N?"

For the first time since you collided you noticed the man standing in front of you, and shit, how you wished you hadn't crossed paths with him just then.

"Yoongi" you muttered, feeling your throat dry. He looked even more beautiful than the last time you saw him. 

"You look... different" he said softly, letting go of your wrist, but not taking his gaze away from you.

"You too" you tried to smile, but you felt too uncomfortable to do so.You were embarrassed for Yoongi to see you like this. "You're back to black" you hastened to say, pointing to his hair. 

It looked much longer and shinier than the last time you saw it, and it fit him like a glove. If his intention was to make women like you want to tangle their fingers in it, he had more than succeeded.

"And you cut it" he moved his hand up to your mane. Your hair reached only a few inches below your chin, a far cry from the long, unruly style you had when you were still his girlfriend and you swore to him that you would never cut it because it was your most prized possession.

Now you feel even sillier.

"I wanted to try a new style" you nodded quickly, fiddling with the strap of your purse.You were back to feeling like a stupid teenager incapable of talking to the boy she likes. To a certain extent it was true. You were never able to get over Yoongi, you don't think you ever will at some point."But I didn't like it as much as I thought I would" you sighed, tightening the strap on your bag.

"You-?"

"Chaeyoung!" your now ex-boyfriend shouted as he ran in the direction of you and Yoongi. It didn't escape your notice that before he noticed Yoongi's presence, he was coming over annoyed enough to slap you. You saw his hand clenched tightly."What the hell was that ruckus earlier, do you know how many cameras were in the place, how many important people were there?".

"Well, maybe you should have thought your proposal through better" for a moment you completely forgot that it wasn't just the two of you in the hallway, but you didn't care.That son of a bitch deserved someone to put him in his place, and you wanted so badly to be that person yourself. "Or to have fucking zipped your pants when it belonged, or am I wrong? Because if so, say so to me and Minah for that matter, because she feels the same way I do too."

You watched as he fixed his gel-covered hair, turning away for a second to catch his breath."It was an accident, understand? It's not how she painted it."

"An accident over two years old? Can you explain to me how that works? Did you just happen to fall on her and coincidentally your penis went into her because you both happened to be unclothed in the same fucking hotel room?" you laughed listlessly, crossing your arms, "Don't you dare think I'm stupid enough to turn blind eyes to something that's been going on for years."

Yoongi, who had been silent until that moment, cleared his throat, moving forward to stand beside you. You took a breath, trying to maintain your composure in front of him. It was quite a difficult task.

"Are you Han Jumyeon by any chance?" he muttered in a monotone voice staring at your ex-boyfriend. It came to scare you a bit how cold his gaze seemed. Still you thought he was attractive.Very attractive.

"Yes" he looked at Yoongi from head to toe, he looked a little confused, but he was used to that kind of question. He was one of the most well-known businessmen in South Korea, he was in the news quite a bit, so it wasn't strange that he knew him. "Who are you?"

"Officer Min Yoongi" he pulled out his badge from his shirt pocket, "I am one of the people in charge of the investigation of Mr. Han's death, I need both you and your..." his gaze paused for a moment on you before turning back to Jumyeon, "ex-girlfriend come to the police station so I can question you."

"Did you say death?" you looked at Yoongi and then at Jumyeon, covering your mouth with your hand. You wished the worst for that... man, if that's what you could call him, but that didn't mean you wished his father had died in whatever circumstance. If Yoongi was involved in this, it meant it wasn't from natural causes. 

"What are you talking about? My father died? When? How?" he brought his hands to his hair, tugging on it lightly. "You said you were an officer, didn't you? So that means it wasn't an accident?"

You wondered internally if Yoongi saw the same twisted smile you saw.

You saw how he nodded slowly, his impassive gaze stopping on Jumyeon. He didn't seem to pity him, let alone empathize, in fact, if you still had your wonderfully useless abilities to understand Yoongi, he even seemed annoyed with him. Maybe he thought he was guilty? You would think so too after seeing the expression from earlier.

"As I told you before, I need to take you to the police station right now, we need to ask you a few questions regarding Mr. Han, I would appreciate it if you could cooperate as much as possible."

You nodded quickly, moving a little closer to Yoongi, "Did you come by car? Mine is in the parking lot."

"Don't worry, we'll go in mine," he murmured, barely brushing his fingers on your back, "go to the elevator first, I'll go next to Jumyeon."

You obeyed his command, walking to the elevator and waiting for it to reach your floor. You thundered your finger bones as you moved your left leg. You were still a bit in shock with the news, you were trying to think through your next move with Jumyeon, you didn't think things through very well before throwing the dessert in his face and shouting to the four winds that he was unfaithful to you with his best friend.

You turned to look at your ex-boyfriend, who stood next to Yoongi stiffly. He looked in your direction every so often, but averted his gaze immediately. Yoongi, on the other hand, kept his gaze fixed on you the entire time you were looking at them. It kept causing your stomach to churn and your heart to flip. 

The sound of the elevator forced you to look away from both men. To your surprise, no one was inside it, which, on the one hand, was wonderful, as you wouldn't have to put up with the strong smell of expensive perfume and conversations between strangers that sounded too empty. But, on the other hand, you had to be alone with those other two.

You shook your head, trying to get that stupid thought out of your head, and entered the elevator followed by Yoongi and Jumyeon. You convinced yourself that the tense atmosphere was due to the news Yoongi gave you, but deep down you knew it wasn't so. 

You knew your ex like the palm of your hand, you knew when he was genuinely sad and when he was not. You were aware that he wasn't feeling depressed at all, but he was angry, probably at you and whoever had attacked his father. You tried to avoid the idea of him being that way with you.

You brought your thumb to your mouth, biting your nail. Jumyeon's gaze on you was starting to feel too stinging and the fear started to grow as your head generated worst case scenarios. You had such a good imagination when it came to going against you.

The brush of fingers on your right hand made you jump in place. You turned to see who it was, and almost cried with happiness when you noticed it was only Yoongi. He discreetly caressed the knuckles of your hand, completely avoiding looking at you. 

You had forgotten how good it felt to have someone who could read your body language so easily that just by looking at you or listening to you, he would understand that you were having a hard time. Yoongi was the only person you dated who could accomplish that. Maybe that was one of the reasons why you still weren't able to forget him.

You stopped biting your nail, concentrating on Yoongi's touch on your skin. It brought back so many memories. 

"We'll talk at home about earlier" Jumyeon murmured, glancing sideways at you, "I think you're still a little confused."

"I'm not" you replied on impulse, staring at him, were you afraid? Obviously, was that going to stop you from telling him to his face? Of course not. "I gave you my answer, now act like a man for the first time in your life and accept it" you growled under your breath, holding back the urge you had to spit in his face.

You listened as Yoongi cleared his throat, and you knew he was doing it to camouflage his laughter. You didn't care, you would have done the same thing in his place.

"Stop fucking around and just say yes" Jumyeon turned to look at you, and if looks killed, you'd be on the floor, bleeding out, dying, you'd be a ghost. 

"Why don't you shut up? Your voice is annoying, it makes my head hurt" Yoongi muttered, this time taking your hand firmly. 

You internally prayed that Jumyeon wouldn't see it, you didn't want any more trouble than you already had.

The rest of the time in the elevator was in silence. Being so many floors it took you a few minutes to get down. They were the worst minutes of your life.

"We'll go in my car" Yoongi looked at Jumyeon before exiting the elevator. Holding hands with you. In front of him.

You saw out of the corner of your eye how his face distorted at the sight of your hands together. You reminded yourself that you didn't owe him any explanation. You had done nothing wrong, so why should you justify yourself? You nodded mentally, trying to encourage yourself.

Yoongi took out his key and unlocked his car. It was big and black, too shiny. You smiled as you remembered Yoongi always talked about how, when he had money, he would buy a nice apartment and a black car that looked so amazing that any teenager at his age would want one like that.

He let go of you for a moment only to open the passenger door and help you in. You screamed internally.

Jumyeon got in after you, to the back seats obviously, and before Yoongi got in and could hear him he came up to your ear.

"Wait till we get home, you fucking hypocritical bitch" he growled under his breath, returning to his seat as soon as Yoongi entered.

You looked down at your hands, staring at the nail you bit earlier. You didn't do anything wrong, you're not like him, you repeated yourself over and over, trying to ignore the pressure in your chest.

You leaned your head against the car window, watching as he started to move and head for the exit of the parking lot. You just closed your eyes, wanting to get to the station later to give your statement and get as far away from that man as possible.

You wiped away an unruly tear that dared to fall down your cheeks. He's not worth it, you told yourself, not anymore.

Masterlist

#TheHanFamily #bts x reader #bts x you #fanfic #bts fanfic #yoongi fic #bts imagine #bts x fem!reader #bts x y/n #bts x oc #fiction #yoongi x you #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #min yoongi #yoongi #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x oc #suga x reader #suga x you #suga x y/n #bts fics #bts

[inuhalfdemon]

No One Can Know... (5/?)

Word Count: 2,526 Words

Rating: Mature (SMUT)

Chapter 5

"I want your love, and I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

I want your love and all your lover's revenge

You and me could write a bad romance"

- Lady Gaga

_________________________________________________

“Better to come here now then.” 

Lucifer was right. Alastor had already put things off longer than was prudent for them and it might be best that tonight was not a night that they spent at the hotel. 

Maybe this was a mistake... He thought.

Not that Lucifer hadn’t proven that he was fully capable of handling Alastor; but would he be prepared for Alastor at his absolute worst?

Alastor had not been entirely honest with Lucifer; refraining from offering up the fact that he had chosen avoidance - had forcibly made himself celibate - for the past 7 years. This, of course, was creating a large problem to him now. He had hoped to pay the consequence of denying his body a natural need it required under...different circumstances; perhaps at some time when the stakes weren't set quite so high with very few options to consider.  

He had withheld this information knowing that Lucifer would inevitably want to know the reason why; and Alastor – quite simply – had no interest in discussing it.

Alastor was feeling uncomfortable. 

Two days had passed since his visit to Lucifer’s and he was very nearly fully into his rut now. He had stubbornly pushed off contacting the angel for as long as was possible but it was getting harder and harder to maintain his composure. 

During the daytime, he threw himself into tasks throughout the hotel; performing maintenance and small renovations where he could; helping Charlie in formulating a strong argument for redemption by researching terminology and definitions that would best accommodate her proposals; exchanging preliminary ideas with Vaggie on possible preparations for fortifying the hotel should the need require it; helping the other residents with small and meaningless chores or errands. He no longer slept and he spent the nights drinking and making efforts in dulling the edge to his urges.

Despite the distraction and despite him trying to deal with the arousals himself...he wasn't accomplishing much in assuaging his symptoms. Alastor's body was betraying him and he did not care for it. He felt overheated; a cold sweat constantly at his back. He had to take measures in concealing spontaneous erections and felt like every nerve on his body was a live wire just ready to ignite. His antlers were even weighing heavier on his head and he knew he couldn't ignore the implications of this much longer. 

When he got to Lucifer's, he felt a frazzled mess. Lucifer took one look at him and knew - despite all of the arrogant antics, despite all of the careful planning - Alastor was not handling his rut well. He was too...maniac and too on-edge. His ears too straight and twitchy, his eyes and smile too wide... 

"Have you eaten?" Lucifer asked him, inviting him inside. "You look like you could maybe use some food..." and maybe some sleep... 

"No, I have not...I -" He was trying to remember when he last ate...not today. "I suppose I should." 

"Shrimp and grits sound okay?" Lucifer asked him, walking toward the kitchen. 

Alastor paused; tilting his head. 

"I asked Charlie, alright." Lucifer told him. "I explained to her that you and I had important matters to discuss regarding information from Carmilla's extermination meetings she conducts with the Overlords tonight and I asked her what you might like to eat. She said you liked Cajun, so Cajun I made." 

Alastor just stared at him; giving him a hard look.

“Won’t your daughter be wondering at the strangeness of our…nightly meeting?” He asked.

“Hardly.” Lucifer told him turning and continuing down the corridor. “She knows that you’re nocturnal and that I’m an insomniac. Honestly; she’s just thrilled that we don’t have any foreseeable plans in murdering each other.”  

“I’d rather you didn’t go out of your way to make special accommodations for me.”

"I have an interest in knowing people, Alastor. I'm sure you've seen that trait in Charlie, as well. Don't be so surprised and don’t be so skeptical." 

Flicking one ear; Alastor followed him to the kitchen.

"Also, you might hate the dinner. Who knows. I never said I was a good cook." 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Following their meal, Lucifer noted that Alastor still seemed...out of sorts. They had engaged in quiet conversation that was pleasant enough but the man just seemed too...nervous and distant. Whatever expectations Lucifer had with tonight; this wasn't it.

Maybe this isn't the best solution... 

With the food gone and dishes put away; there was nothing left for it... 

"I don't know about you, but I could use a shower." Lucifer said; standing up to stretch. "Care to join me?" 

"A shower sounds....nice, actually." 

The bathroom was unlike anything Alastor had seen; dead or alive. It was incredibly spacious and immaculately kept... 

The shower was a large walk-in with multiple waterflow heads. Lucifer unabashedly stripped himself naked; setting his clothes aside. Walking across the tiles; he flipped on the knobs of two of the heads before stepping underneath the streaming water of one. 

Alastor paused; watching him. He expected Lucifer to start in on some form of leud comments...make an attempt at some or dirty talk; or hungrily – curiously even - watch him as he undressed; but the angel was paying him absolutely no mind. 

Sighing; Alastor slipped out of his suit jacket. 

Fully naked, he stepped into the shower with Lucifer; going to the second shower head that was beside him. Alastor stood underneath the jet; feeling the heated water soothe the static nervous energy he had stored in his body. He waited for Lucifer to turn toward him; to approach; to look at him and begin touching him but...he never did. Lucifer stood under his own steaming jet of water, eyes closed and head tilted as he showered; almost seemingly having forgotten that Alastor was even there. Alastor tweaked an ear, then closing his eyes he turned his face into the spray of water; feeling it thrum against his antlers, cascading across his lowered ears and through his hair. 

Lucifer watched Alastor from the corner of his eye. He had noted a hint of some sort of cologne when Alastor stepped into the shower with him but now...now that Alastor was under the water the smell was pungent. It was a heavy but earthy odor; something akin to the smell of pine trees and rain or the soft tones of a woodfire smoke. Lucifer breathed the scent in deeply; his pupils gently dilated, his heart rate jumped, and his mouth began to water...all at once he was suddenly very much aroused and he immediately realized that he was smelling and breathing in the concentrated pheromones of Alastor's musk. Lucifer couldn't help but stare at him now, feeling a powerful urge now to approach the red deer demon; to feel and to touch...to give and to take.

He saw the water washing across Alastor’s upturned face; ringlets, splashes and streams of it curling and twisting all down across his body. He briefly noted that Alastor was covered in scars; a sharp flickering of red and then he saw that Alastor also possessed a rather soft-and-delicate-looking deer tail. Lucifer wondered at the amount of secrets Alastor must be willing to sacrifice to see these deals he had made done…

Lucifer’s erection was openly jutting upwards but…he held back. Watching Alastor closely; he somehow knew that he wasn't ready to be touched yet. 

What hell it must be…he thought…to be someone who cared so little for physical intimacy - to have it forced upon them by their own biological need. Lucifer couldn't fathom it but he saw the discomfort; the detachment that Alastor was experiencing from it. It reminded Lucifer of one of his episodes that he had sometimes when he-

Wait. 

Hold on. 

Lucifer shook his head; blinking water from his eyes as he concentrated, looking much more closely at Alastor now.

Was Alastor...experiencing some episode of post-traumatic distress?

Lucifer focused; assessing all of the signs and he saw it, realizing…

“I’d rather not discuss it…”

Suddenly; all of it made sense.

Lucifer had wondered how Alastor – a sinner Cervidae demon that had been in Hell for as long as he had – had not yet come to terms with the matter of his occurring and re-occurring mating cycles. 

Something had to have happened…

Fuck…

Lucifer rubbed his face; of course, this had to be even more complicated.

He thought briefly again about what both Lilith and Alastor had said…about how Alastor had actually killed demons before when he –

Then, Lucifer remembered what he himself had told Alastor:

“…it wasn’t for the intentions that they had thought…”

Alastor was still standing under the shower head next to his; eyes closed, face tilted up, smile fixed to his face. His body was rigid; tension never leaving his body.

Lucifer sighed.

“Hey, Al…”

Alastor’s eyes opened; he turned his head, ears lifting, looking at Lucifer now – somehow expressionless despite the ever-present grin. 

“Come here; I-I’d like you to touch me.”

Alastor’s ears straightened; processing for a moment…

Then, reaching out – Alastor turned the knob to his shower head; turning off the spray of water. He went to Lucifer; stepping into the falling water and looking down at the angel. Reaching out again; he found the knob – turning it. Heat flared across Lucifer’s skin; turning his pale skin a rosy pink.

“Fuck, that’s hot.” Lucifer hissed.

Alastor huffed; a small smirk touching his face. Turning, he put his back to the streaming jet of hot water; facing Lucifer. Steam began to rapidly fill the shower; heat radiating around them.

Alastor waited; still anticipating Lucifer to reach out – touch him; grab him; grip him; smother him…

Lucifer lifted his hands; palms open and held to the side.

“Per our agreement…” He said, softly.

Alastor’s eyes widened; understanding.

“I won’t touch you.” Lucifer told him. “Not until you want me to.”

Alastor’s breathing changed; the base to his antlers were becoming more full, more points erupting and curling upward.

“Don’t hold back.” Lucifer told him.

Layers of tension left Alastor as he moved himself closer to Lucifer; his upper body leaning down and over the angel.

He took Lucifer’s face between clawed hands; tilting his head and pressing his mouth to his. Alastor kissed him and Lucifer kept his hands raised and away. Alastor pressed himself closer; completely blocking the spray of water coming from the shower head and Lucifer was grateful for the added heat that was filling the room in a foggy humid blanket.

Still kissing him; Alastor’s hands left the angel’s face and began exploring his body. Clawed fingers traced stimulating patterns all along Lucifer’s wet neck, chest, shoulders and stomach. Lucifer shuddered; groaning softly into Alastor’s mouth. Unlike Alastor; Lucifer craved to touch and craved being touched…now finding himself coming out of a rather lengthy dry spell – maybe not years worth, but still – his body was terribly touch deprived and every contact Alastor made with him was bracing to him. Keeping his hands away – he clenched his fists at the urge to reach out and touch Alastor.

Alastor pulled his head back; breaking the kiss. His fingers curled around Lucifer’s chin; his eyes wide and dilating.

“Put your hands on my shoulders.” He breathed.

Unclenching his fists; Lucifer did as he was instructed. Alastor waited for him to rest his hands on either side; pausing as if assessing himself - deciding whether he would find the contact acceptable.

Nodding; he leant back in – pressing his lips back again to Lucifer’s – his own clawed hands finding and gripping the smaller man’s waist; palms resting on each hip.

Lucifer let his hands rest – still - at Alastor’s shoulders; neither moving them to touch and explore Alastor like he ached to do nor to grip and pull him closer. Alastor gave a soft growl and Lucifer took it as an approving sound as the demon coaxed their mouths open; sliding his tongue between parted lips – he twisted and flicked it with and against Lucifer’s forked one.

More and more of the unease was leaving Alastor’s body…making room for a new kind of tension. Lucifer felt Alastor grip his hips tighter; his developing erection pressing into the King’s belly. Disengaging himself from Lucifer’s mouth; Alastor pressed his forehead to Lucifer’s; his breathing heavy.

“You may touch me now.” Alastor told him.

Slowly; Lucifer leaned in – touching his lips to Alastor’s collar bone and sliding his hands down across Alastor’s arms and his chest. Alastor groaned; sinking into the touch and Lucifer knew that he would no longer have to take such pangs to be so cautious. He nipped and licked at Alastor’s skin; his tongue tracing across the raised and jagged scars that crisscrossed his chest. Clawed fingers dragging soft red marks; everywhere they went.

Lifting a hand from a hip; Alastor found Lucifer’s length. He palmed and stroked the King; feeling the firming of muscle in his hand. Lucifer sucked in a breath; hands involuntarily gripping tightly at Alastor’s arms. Lucifer quickly released his sudden grip; but Alastor only chuckled lowly at the response he had elicited in him.

“Turn around, my King.” Alastor told him lowly.

Turning; Lucifer felt Alastor’s hands grip his shoulders – pulling him against him so that Lucifer could feel the sinner’s erection pressing sharply into his back. Alastor adjusted himself; then possessively wrapped an arm around Lucifer’s torso; holding him firmly to him as he leant himself over – reaching down to take the swollen and aching member into his grip again. He pressed himself tightly against the angel; his own fully erect penis sliding up and down Lucifer’s wet back as he moved his hips – pumping the King in his hand.

Lucifer bent himself back against Alastor; his hips quivering into jutting as he felt himself quickly approaching a climax. His clawed fingers dug into the wet and slick skin of Alastor’s forearm; wrapped tightly across his chest. Alastor’s face was pressed tightly into the side of Lucifer’s neck; growling and gasping as both their movements stimulated him into an ever-deepening arousal.

Alastor’s grip tightened and Lucifer knew he was lost. His hips jutted sharply; and he felt himself release into Alastor’s hand; cum slipping between fingers and washing away in the cascade of water around them. Alastor let him go; and Lucifer shakily stood – his back still to Alastor.

A soft flickering of the lights and a soft buzzing of something static made Lucifer turn. Alastor was standing behind him; his penis curved tightly upward, a hand covering his face – his eyes were wide, red and flaring crazily behind spread fingers. His smile maniac and stretched too wide. His ears were erratically twitching in sharp movements; the fur on them standing sharply on end. The lights began to strobe; going out briefly before flickering back in again. Shadows were creeping into corners; crawling across walls – slowly consuming the room. Alastor’s antlers where branching and stretching dramatically overhead; the points lengthening and twisting around themselves in a beautifully chilling way. Alastor’s musk pervaded the room; hanging heavy in the thickening steam that surrounded them.

“Somewhere else…” Alastor was saying; his widening eyes seeing nothing. “I’m…”

And the room went dark.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fandom #alastor #fanfiction #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel fanfiction #my fanfic #no one can know... #no once can know... fanfic #hazbin lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #alastor and lucifer #alastor x lucifer #lucifer x alastor #hazbin hotel lucifer #radioapple #lucifer hazbin hotel #appleradio #the radio demon #demon alastor #alastor in rut #dark alastor

[hathorneheiress]

Episodes of surprise

Avery's POV

Sometimes they come fast. Bringing me to my knees. Other times it took a little while. Torturously taking it's sweet time to get to me. Today was the time it came fast.

I was in my room getting ready for the day when my breathing became labored and I began shaking like a leaf. I had never had to deal with panic attacks but now I did. I noticed it not to long after losing my mom but it got worse when I became the richest teenager in the world over a year ago. In that short time I had been shot at, threatened, bombed, in a coma. Chloroformed and kidnapped. Almost lost people I hold dear and so much more. Definitely something to spike my panic attacks.

I was on the floor in an instant. Cupping my hands over my ears I rocked back and forth. Trying to focus on my breathing it did nothing to calm my nerves. Oddly, it only made it worse.

"Heiress, just breath." the voice sounded so far away yet so close at the same time. Then I saw my boyfriend's face right next to mine.

Jameson Winchester Hawthorne was everything and nothing I had thought I would have for a boyfriend. Emarald green eyes that usually sparkled in mischief was filled with concern. The constant smirk was replaced with a frown. The one thing that was the same was the unruly dark brown hair. So artfully mused. 

Most people saw Jameson as a spoiled billionaire grandson with an adrenaline rush and a need for riddles and adventures.   And he was, but only me and his brothers knew there was more then the outside people got to see. He was also kind, caring, funny. Gave me distractions when I needed them the most. (And sometimes not) Gave me the best back rubs and hugs. Was a perfect kisser. Did I say that?

I felt his warm hands cup my face. "It's ok Heiress. Focus on me."

A peaceful sense came over me and was able to concentrate on his words. "J-Jameson." I murmured shakily. "What are you doing here?"

"I got home early. And I'm glad I did. How long has it been going for?"

"Not long." I confessed burying myself in his chest. He smelled of expensive cologne, whisky, bad morning breath, and cake batter? 

I sat up. "Where have you been?" I asked suspiciously.

He gave me his most charming smile. Proof he was doing something he was not supposed to be doing. "A surprise."

I gave him a look. He laughed. "Alright Heiress, you win. I'll show you what it is. But you have to promise me you are up for it. Especially after your episode. (Jameson always called it that. Trying to be discreet which I appreciate.)

Honestly, I had forgotten about it. But that's what usually happened. I'd be having a panic attack and Jameson would miraculously appear. He'd get me talking about other things and then everything negative I felt went away.  "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you."

"Anything for you Heiress." We both rose from the floor.

Taking my hand he led me through the house till we got toward the kitchen. Why were we going there?

He seemed to read my mind. "You'll see."

"Surprise!!!!!!!!" People shouted as soon as we walked through the doors. I jumped in shock. Everyone I loved and cared for was there.  Xander and Max stood in a corner holding large amounts of punch. Libby, with Nash at her side, stood next to a gigantic pile of cupcakes. There was a least 200 if not more. Frosted with every color under the sun. I noticed Grayson in another corner holding a very wiggling Tiramisu. I couldn't help but giggle.

Thea, Rebecca, the Laughlin's. Alisa Oren, and Zara too. 

Why was everyone here? It wasn't my birthday or the anniversary of when I came. "What's the occasion?" I had to ask. "Why is everyone here?"

"It's officially Avery Grambs appreciation day!" Xander shouted out.

"What?"

Jameson explained. "We have been noticing how stressed out you have been getting. And we decided that you need to take a break. Also we wanted to show you how much you mean to each and everyone of us." He smirked. "Including Thea."

"Ha ha Jameson Hawthorne." She gave a smile that only Thea herself could give.

"So all this is just for me?" I couldn't get over it.

"Just for you. Including the cupcakes. You have to eat all 300 by yourself."

I playfully gutted him in the stomach. 

"Oh thank you!" I went around and hugged everyone there. And got dog kisses from Tiramisu as well.

What started out as a horrible day turned into one of joy and fun. We consumed more cupcakes than I will admit and talked for hours about random, stupid things that only the Hawthornes and us would talk about.

It was good to be loved and appreciated. 

#the inheritance games #the brothers hawthorne #the hawthorne legacy #the final gambit #the grandest game #grayson hawthorne #jameson hawthorne #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne #avery grambs #libby grambs #Thea #Rebecca #Oren #Alisa #Zara #Appreciation for our Avery Grambs

[kierpyr]

tw venting, and mentions of emotional abuse/manipulation

i hate my dad

#i hate him #i hate him so damn much #why couldn't he just love me like he was supposed to #why wasn't i ever enough for him #why am i not enough for him #why can't he just love me #the worst part about it is that some part of me still loves him #even after all of the lies he told me #all of the times he's emotionalliy abused and manipulated me #all of the times he's gaslit me #i still care about him #and it hurts because he doesn't love me back #tw vent #vent post #sorry for this i just needed it out of my system #i think i need to get a therapist /hj #art is coming soon don't worry #i'll be fine

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: February 17

“DYWTYLM” by Sleep Token

#song of the day #Sleep Token really saving my sanity as we navigate this dark and uncertain time without an upgraded sibling singalong playlist #had to go out into the snow on under two hours' sleep to get groceries #(the farmers' market gave me kefir cheese so any amount of suffering would've been worthwhile but I couldn't know that at the time) #and getting into Nick's car knowing there was music I could request that he could play loud as he wanted and I wouldn't want to cry #I mean blessing isn't even a strong enough term. baking a cake for the Sleep Token guy (his name is Vessel) as we speak #anyway this song sounds incredible in the original and then so odd sung acapella. like singing a bass line just a couple beats repeating #polar opposite of my lady indie covers. a song rendered fully unrecognizable when I wander the house mumbling it to myself #the verses do alright I suppose but the chorus is out of the question. the lyrics are so strong too real gut-punch lines #'and my reflection just won't smile back at me like I know it should / and I would turn into a stranger in an instant if I could #and there is something eating me alive I don't know what it is / maybe not that you conceal your feelings they just don't exist' #the whole song is like that it is so so so good. every new Sleep Token song I hear I'm like oh of course yes I see why these are fic titles #(Sleep Token catching up to Fall Out Boy and Hozier in terms of lines I've seen as fic titles. I mean we are really getting up there #and I am definitely not immune. if/when I put up those fanmixes y'all are gonna be seeing some Sleep Token let me tell you) #edit: it stands for 'Do You Wish That You Loved Me' I just realized I never said #didn't even pick lyrics that include it which is nuts when you realize that every verse does twice. whoops

[fluffypotatey]

*staring deeply at my dr. geyer & liam fic* ........what if i just said fuck canon?

#canon compliant who???? #this was just supposed to be a character study #a simple and nice outsider pov that touched on liam's relationship with his parents #and his emotional turmoil with keeping secrets from his loved ones #we saw it when he was struggling with keeping a distance with Mason #so my smart (dumb) ass thought: let's do the parents! bc why the fuck not! #it's be nice #like a 5 times david geyer noticed something and the 1 time he couldn't deny the truth kind of shit #NOPE #that's not where this fic is going anymore lmao #cutesy one-shot who???? short little fic series when????? #you may not see me but my laughter is the only thing keeping me from descending into insanity #anyway #fic mayhaps will diverge from canon after i'm done with the s5 portion of it (bc SOMEhow i can't stop writing about s5?????) #teen wolf #liam dunbar #dr geyer #fic #writing #woes of a foolish fic writer #when is a fic writer on their last thread of sanity? when they toe the line of staying faithful to canon or just diving into the deep end