#why does Tumblr only allow a certain amount of images

[the-bloody-sadist]

in case no one else has asked, please list your top 10 BL manga/manwha? 👀

i am. very interested in what other media you enjoy, especially BL

Combining these two bc I didn't wanna leave the second out!

(I wasn't a big fan of Blood Bank personally but I'm so glad it helped you with your world building Lil Whale!!)

I'm hoping some of these are unheard of for you guys because THERE ARE SO MANY BL/YAOI AND I READ THEM CONSTANTLY BUT NOT SO MANY ARE FANTASTIC AND MIND-BLOWING AND SPECTACULAR AND DEEPLY PSYCHOLOGICAL! I'm pretty sure I'll end up listing WAY more than 10, mainly because I want to highlight ones I feel like a lot of people haven't read. ALSO because I read so fucking many of them that I've collected a stash and NOW IS MY CHANCE TO YELL ABOUT THEM.

Just a disclaimer, these are not in any sort of order, as they're all about the same level in my head, just grouped. I'll list the "big name" BLs that I adore after these! First up are the ones that either have a quiet fandom or aren't well known! Since there'll be so many, I'm not going to say much about them, just know that usually no BL/Yaoi is perfect to me, since there are many bad psychology tropes here and there or unnecessary cruelties that aren't exactly realistic etc., but overall, I like the way that the story and characters are handled and/or love the art.

Here's the top five of my top ten that's not a top ten bc there are so many (I just said I wouldn't group them but I lied my ass off apparently):

Jealousy [Scarlet Beriko]: This is one of those that emotionally hits so hard that it will stick with me forever and I will usually tear up just a tiny bit when I think back to the moments that made this one so beautiful. A lot of times a story with major hurt, angst, and tragedy won't wrap up with enough to make me scream and cheer at the end. But THIS ONE DID. And I stopped reading for a while when a big event happened because I thought it would end horribly and I'd have to suffer three weeks of fiction-induced depression for a man who wasn't even real. BUT NAY. The themes you get in this one revolve around loneliness (huge draw for me, it always hits), mafia-connected characters and the rivalries from that, self-destructive prostitution, and characters who have difficulty receiving love without freaking out. Are those even themes idk. OH WELL. YOU GET THE POINT. I want this one on my shelf. You might've heard of it, but the fandom is silent so I never did. T_T OH ALSO THE ART ON THIS ONE IS GORGEOUS I FUCKING LOVE IT.

Hitori to Hitori no 3650nichi [Hitomi]: First of all, favorite manga artist. FAVORITE MANGA ARTIST. I'm never exactly sure if the artist is also the writer or if the writer is never the artist or...BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. Anyway! I listed this particular title because it was the first that I found by this person - but then I discovered it was a part of a bigger series, and there are like I DON'T KNOW FIVE DIFFERENT MANGA?? OR SOMETHING??? Related to this one. I don't know which order, I just know that I read them all in a frenzy. THE CHARACTERS. OH! OH THE CHARACTERS! Oh my gods, it's so good. LMFAO. The arcs these characters have are fantastic, and I loved the fact that the abuser in one is shown to be the victim of abuse in a prequel story, and that his anger issues and other elements of his personality came about to affect him and destroy him. Just...I don't recall the details, READ IT. That's all. Spectacular depictions of nuanced trauma within abusive relationships.

The Beast Must Die [Lee Hyeon Sook]: This remains one of my favorite depictions IN ANY MEDIA of a psychopath, because it's SO accurate and I'm SO fucking proud of the author for doing their research and OH MY GODS YOU GUYS IT'S ABOUT TO GET A DRAMA CD LET'S FUCKING GO! This story is so good. It's so evil. It's so psycho-thriller. It's so WELL DONE. It features a dark academia-ish secret society within a college setting who hunt people for sport, sometimes. LIKE. Come on. And the psychopath (dark hair) IS THE MAIN LOVE INTEREST! You could literally hear the summary and go "oh this is for Sadist". And I don't get a lot of those that deliver this well. SOMETIMES the art makes me twist my head a little but YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOT CARE OKAY? It's just SO good. There's murder, there's kidnapping, and - most importantly - a main character who doesn't just DEAL with whatever the psychopath does. He's smart, he fights back, he learns to understand psychopathy to determine if he should remain with the love interest...it's fantastic. That's all. I will stop. *BANGS THE WALL*

Aporia [Seontae]: ALL HAIL THE HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIPS THAT STILL HOLD TENSION AND EMOTIONAL WEIGHT AND SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!! This is my favorite BDSM-themed story. Everything is consensual, but is everything safe??? Not when it comes to the main character's emotions and tendency to sacrifice his wellbeing for a partner. BUT NOT TO WORRY, HIS SADISTIC LOVE INTEREST IS CONSIDERATE AND ATTENTIVE AND CARES ABOUT HIS FEELINGS!! This is, perhaps, one of my favorite depictions of a REAL sadist. A real one as in a realistic, irl BDSM-relationship sadist. Someone who is just as worried about taking care of his partner as he is about hurting him JUUUUST right. ANYWAY! THAT'S ALL! READ IT! HE'S LITERALLY ME!

Royal Servant [MasterGin, Chungnyun]: Okay, we were talking about healthy BDSM in the previous one, now let's talk about TOXIC BDSM-THEMES THAT I LOVE. Lmao. DO YOU LIKE MASTER/SLAVE DYNAMICS? DO YOU LIKE STORIES WHERE THE ARC LEADS TO THE ABUSIVE MASTER EVENTUALLY LEARNING TO NOT BE ABUSIVE AND LOVE THE SLAVE? YEAH ME TOO. I DON'T NEED TO DESCRIBE THIS ANY FURTHER. AUTHOR OF ANGEL BUDDY, THIS IS THE ONE THAT I KNEW HER FOR FIRST.

A bunch of other good ones you may or may not have heard of (I won't describe every one of these unless I have something particular to say, so enjoy the pictures from them that I snatched):

Love me in the Wilderness [Wang Tao]

Neon Sign Amber [Ogeretsu Tanaka]

Zetsubou ni Nake [Shinou Ryo]: Guys. This story is UNIQUE AS HELL. I had to say something about it. The premise is that a man who was raped turns around and goes back after his rapist and rapes him back, and then they fall in love. IT'S....the amount of times my jaw dropped was insane on this one. SOMEHOW IT'S WRITTEN SO WELL. SOMEHOW THEY NAILED THE STRANGE REALISM OF IT AND HAD ME TEARING UP OVER THE INTENSITY OF THE RAPE SCENES. VERY WELL-PACED, VERY TRAUMATIC IN A GOOD WAY. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. The way they come to love each other after this crazy foundation of mutual rape is IMPRESSIVE. Kudos to the writer.

Love or Hate [Yeongha]: This is a very well-known one but there's like zero fandom so I think it fits here. Also a lot of hate going around for it? Which I never understood, fuck those guys. This remains one of the most beautifully-written that I've ever read, and I mean that purely in like...the ACTUAL writing on the page. I'm talking poetry, purple prose. I just recall being blown away by that, and no manga before or since has ever reached its level. For once I felt like the writer was also a novelist because of the way that they put things, and had a clear voice in the style. Did the main boy end up with someone I didn't want him to end up with at the end? Yes. But I felt like it fit pretty well, and it was sort of a tragedy, and it was supposed to hit you painfully in the gut. A lot of people were mad at the main character for that and I don't really think it's fair. In any case! A beautiful story with complex characters and intriguing dilemmas. Highly recommend it.

Shangri La no Tori (Birds of Shangri La) [Ranmaru Zariya]

Two in Six Billion [Denzou]

The Pizza Delivery Man and The Gold Palace [Upi]: Great story and character-building so far! I will say that once it became porn, it dove a little too heavily into it for me. Like I only needed one scene of the porn, I was enjoying the panic attack scenes much more. BUT YEAH, IT'S ONGOING, SO WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES! But the panic attack scenes were the reason I read it and yes, I did tear up.

Sleeping Dead and Living Dead [Asada Nemui]: I RECENTLY FOUND THIS ONE AND ADOOOOOOREEE IT SO MUCH. I DO NOT CARE THAT IT'S AN OLD SCIENTIST AND HIS ZOMBIE PATIENT. NORMALLY THAT WOULD HOLD NO SWAY OVER ME, BUT OH GODS, THE ART IS SO PRETTY AND THE STORY IS SO GOOD. I LOVE THE LITTLE ZOMBIE MAN! I LOVE THE LITTLE ROMANCE THEY'VE GOT!

Private Lessons [ANCO, Mongya]: It's cuuuuute what can I saayyyyy it has BDSM and threesomes and I liked it. Very entertaining. Scratches the BDSM itch and the little SUB WAS SO CUTE. Anyway.

Kingyo no Ubugoe [Gontaku Nido]

From Points of Three [White Eared]: Threesome dynamics!!

Silent Lover [Qiang Tang, Bai Li Jun Xi]: I STOPPED THIS ONE AT A CERTAIN POINT BECAUSE IT DIPPED INTO WEIRD M-PREG AND STUFF I CANNOT READ. But BEFORE all that, I was deeply ingrained in this one. It has a main character who can't speak (a particular weakness of mine) and he's OH SO CUTE and he's given as a sex slave basically to the emperor (emperor? idk he's a kingly man, something like that), and the emperor is evil but learns to be soft and yet it takes a LONG TIME SO I WAS BAWLING HYSTERICALLY OVER SOME OF THE HEARTWRENCHINGLY PAINFUL SCENES IN THIS FOR THE POOR YUU-ER. A good read until it decided to go the omegaverse-by-magic-potions route. I didn't stay to figure out where it actually ended up.

Yoru wa Tomodachi [Ido Gihou]

Toumei na Ai no Utsuwa [Hitomi]

Re:Birth [Misuaki Asou]: The singular omegaverse story in existence that I actually liked. Hopefully that says a lot. Mostly because it's about the omegaverse elements NOT being present for the main character and him trying to fake it because he's lonely and afraid that his partner (an alpha *shakes off the disgusting label because who the fuck thought alpha was a cool word*) will leave him if he finds out he's just a regular guy (aka beta I guess? ABO is weird idc).

Sahara no Kuro Washi [Soutome Emu]: MASTER SLAVE MASTER SLAVE---

Haru ni Kaeru [Kunieda Saika]

Incorrigible [Bbong]

Well Done! [ANCO, Mongya]

Nemuri Otoko to Koi Otoko [Zariya Ranmaru]

Even If You Don't Love Me [Pando]: It dropped off SUPER hard (it's ongoing still) but damn was it good in the beginning. I am sick and tired of where it's at currently but the psychological manipulation and the horror of a certain twist in the storyline was CRUSHING to me. I only wish that it would have gone a better way after it happened, because it slowly destroyed itself and became like a lot of tropey rape stories. The asshole just keeps being an asshole and it's not really where the story seemed to want to go with that. But otherwise, it started off strong and I'll give it kudos for that.

Bigger titles I'm pretty sure everyone has heard of that I enjoy:

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai [Yoneda Kou]: Is it a little unrealistic that literally everyone in this story is gay apparently and wants to fuck one man apparently and/or rape him? Yes, absolutely. Does that matter once you're in the story and it's so good and all these unrealistic cruelties make a really strong bond between the main love interest and this self-destructive masochist who's probably not really a masochist but only interested in hurting himself because he doesn't know how else to handle his trauma from childhood? Ummmm yeah. Anyway! This one had a lot of inspiration and a lot of tears and a lot of obsession from me. I re-read it all the time, I watch the movie over and over, I listen to the audio drama and cry at my favorite scenes. Do I care in the end that it's a little unrealistic at times? No but I do laugh sometimes when I'm about to share it with a new person. Because BL is just like that generally and you've got to put up with a little of those tropes to find your favorite stories. THIS IS ONE OF THE TOP FAVORITES OF ALL TIME FOR ME BTW, IT'S ONLY SO LOW DOWN HERE BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IN YAOI KNOWS ABOUT THIS ONE ALREADY, AND WE'RE ALL AWARE OF HOW GOOD IT IS.

ENNEAD [Mojito]: I will say that this is basically the best manga/comic/manhua...what's the Chinese word idk ANYTHING OF THIS MEDIA TYPE that I have ever read. It's not done, and people have been complaining that it's starting to fall into the common BL tropes but you know what I do NOT care. Mojito is a genius, Mojito is a master storyteller, Mojito is beautiful, Mojito is strong - I just love Mojito and this work. So much. The action, the horror of rape, the deep-set character conflicts and dilemmas and internal turmoils. Everything, nailed it. Nailed it. And not to mention it's set in FUCKING EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY AND THEY'RE ALL GODS AND THEY HAVE SUCH COOL BATTLES AND COSTUMES AND DUDE???? I'm so hooked. That's all.

Killing Stalking [Koogi]: OBVIOUSLY. I don't really need to say anything about this one except that yeah, some of the psychology is a little off and some of it is just super shallow. But I loved the characters and that's what mattered in the end. I fell in love with Sangwoo too and it ripped my heart out when I read the ending. I was depressed for like two weeks and it was the first story that had ever affected me that way, but I was also younger and this was one of my first yaoi/BLs and yeah. GREAT story though, fantastic storytelling, very lovable characters. Sangwoo was handled so much better than most "asshole/kidnapper/rapist" characters and I will never stop appreciating that, because a lot of writers tend to forget that your villains have to have redeeming qualities if you want us to like them (????). Jinx, I'm fucking coming for you. Suck my dick. KOOGI FTW.

Missing Love/A Married Man [In Hyerin]: Some of the DESCRIPTIONS of how trauma works especially of the sexual nature in this story are SO. SO. GOOD. However, I am beginning to grow VERY ANNOYED at where it decided to go with the most current updates of the story. The author did enough trauma to the main boy, now it's getting so incredibly excessive that it's overdoing it and the author's kinks are showing through. LIKE I GET IT. Okay? I do. But this one became too much and I need him to return to the actual story arc of going through that trauma so he can HEAL with the right person taking care of him.

MadK [Ryo Sumiyoshi]: I am into NONE of the kinks that would lead to me picking up this manga. I hate demons, I'm not a monsterfucker, I can't do extreme guro, and yet I SAW CANNIBALISM. THAT WAS THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A TRY FOR. And then accidentally I got obsessed because the plot is AMAZING and the writing is SO GOOD and who cares if I hate demons and monsters ALL OF THEM ARE BADASS AND HOT (??) AND IT CEASES TO MATTER. Good on the writer for making them appeal by personality alone and expressions and whatever else you signed a deal with the devil to make me like because it worked. Also the guro is beautiful, so it doesn't even matter. Hannibal levels.

Warehouse [Killerwhale]

Painter of the Night [Byeonduck]

Viewfinder/Finder [Yamane Ayano]

Given [Kizu Natsuki, Gusari]

Nii-Chan [Harada] (and basically every other work by Harada)

Sadistic Beauty Side Story [Geumsan Lee, Woo Yeonhui]

Dine With a Vampire [Pangin, Pinko]

Angel Buddy [Mastergin, Chungnyun]

My Partner's Tastes and Fetishes [Deok Hwa]

Interview with a Murderer [KJK]

On or Off [A1]

Steel Under Silk [Snob]

The Pawn's Revenge [Evy]: It was going to be SO GOOD! And then it dropped off harder than a boulder from a balcony and I have absolutely no idea why the author took it the way that they took it, but go off I guess. It's boring as hell now but it started off with promise and I enjoyed the art and character designs. Too bad, I suppose.

Caste Heaven [Ogawa Chise]: An old classic with all the sticky sometimes icky mostly ridiculous BL tropes but hey, it's cute. It's sexy. It's fun. I don't care.

Wet Sand [Doyak]: We're still in the beginning stage of this one but I'm excited to see where it goes! Plus the art SLAPS ASS like nobody's business.

19 Days [Old Xian]: I hate comedy, I hate fluff, I hate buddies that never become lovers, but none of that mattered when I picked this one up. The duality of man. Bite-sized chapters and ACTUALLY AN EVENTUAL ROMANCE that none of us thought we'd ever get.

Legs That Won't Walk [Black Apricot]: Although this one dropped off hard for me and I'm really just following it to see if it picks up again and does something interesting (it probably won't) I did enjoy it in the beginning. I just get tired of the "asshole just keeps being an asshole and nothing else but woobified slut keeps coming back to him??" without the strong and realistic undercurrent of Reasons Why Someone Would Come Back such as manipulation or threats or unhealthy attachment. Perhaps it was sorta there in the beginning with them but now I'm just like why are we still continuing this story.

Pearl Boy [Inking, Zoy]: *Awkwardly scratches neck* It's not the best okay? It's not. It's really not. I don't like half of the things that occur in this one, but the ART, bro. THE ART, BRO? That's what got me into it and what kept me into it, PLUS I do like little Jooha. I stayed for Jooha, too. Dooshik drives me a little batty most of the time and looks ugly for half the story to me, but when he's badass, he's pretty badass, so I can forgive him. I really don't know why he has such drastically changing appearances because I thought he was someone completely different for a bit LMAO. In any case, I have to admit I like the uhhhhh danger that Jooha gets himself into and the crazy things that make no sense but you know what he gets hurt and then there's comfort and rescue and they cry and I cease to care that it makes no sense. (Sorta, I don't actually cease to care I just laugh awkwardly and go okay sure that's how it works because it's so hard to find stories that don't do this LOL I'm beating a dead horse) BUT WHY DOES HE CUM PEARLS? WILL WE EVER KNOW? WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT AND WITHOUT A SUPPORTING MAGIC SYSTEM IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE? IT WENT DOWNHILL SO FAST AND THE ENDING IS TERRIBLE BTW. THE VILLAIN SUCKS.

That's it. I can't talk to much or I'll run out of words but HOPE YOU GUYS FIND SOME NEW READS!!

#why does Tumblr only allow a certain amount of images #what a crime #bl recommendation #yaoi manga #yaoi recommendation #bl manga #top ten #my favorites #my recs #yaoi #sadist’s answered asks #whump #fujoshi #yaoi bl #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #scarlet beriko #harada #killing stalking

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

Previous anon I feel this. The fandom I'm in is full of shitty cishets and I experienced it firsthand the worst way possible:

I drew a sizeable amount of gay t4t porn. It was a canonically married couple (with my t4t headcanon), and it was more fluffy than explicitly super horny.

So I went to that fandom's porn subreddit and. Well. Not only did I get downvoted to hell but I also got messaged by a mod of it telling me to stop posting, then temporarily banned.

I was unfettered however, and went to another sub to post my things there. Which just ended up them in them all being removed.

In retrospect I should have had better foresight and figured out my things were not welcome there, considering both subs were solely straight stuff... but the double standard must be insane considering there was tons of gock on both and even porn of a teenage character on one of them.

Mmm this is interesting. I think this definitely fits into what I was saying, which was "straight men feel uncomfortable with the existence of porn that is not made to appeal to them", which almost all trans porn does. I imagine what you're presenting as "tons of gock" was more realistically a lot of fetishized depictions of pseudo-trans bodies, a lot of "dickgirls" and "futanari" and whatever else straight men say (which are if not transphobic slurs then transphobic pejoratives at least, akin to "cuntboy" which I dismantled as transphobic and fetishistic a while back). I'd compare this to like, straight guys drawing lesbian porn of Tracer from Overwatch. It's not LGBT-positive, it's fetishistic and oftentimes very very dehumanizing. The idea of the "beautiful curvaceous cis-looking woman but with giant throbbing monster cock" is a fetishized fantasy, very few trans women ever look like that lol. "Actual" trans porn, made by trans people and kind of for trans people, makes cis people uncomfortable. Bottom growth and bottom shrinkage and patchy hair (too visible on women, not visible enough on men) and trans men with high voices and trans women with low voices and etc are things that we like, and that I LOVE to see sexualized, but are not things that the average "cishet Steamboi" is looking for at all when he's googling "Femscout futa sex images". It is very very hard to find an audience for explicitly queer porn when a certain community is, just like most of society, dominated by cishet men. This is why Tumblr allowing nsfw used to be such a big deal, it was such a big haven for gay and trans porn artists and sex workers and etc., but God it gets bleaker every day thinking we're ever gonna get that back </3

#ask #anon #mick dicks #transphobia cw

[scarefox]

Being mainly into SHINee and solo artists, and only interact with a tiny amount of kpop fans here on tumblr and discord, made me almost forget how toxic kpop fandoms (+ industry) are. Saw those mean, judgy, entitled yt clips and some yt comments again. About other idols. Now I get why Taemin is panicking about those few little pounds he got and his forced hiatus. That he lost fans and that we don't like him anymore.... I mean I knew some kpop fans are nuts, assholes and forget that idols are human beings with feelings, but I kinda had the feeling it got less. Shawols might be a bit more chill from what I see but he doesn't live in a secluded bubble... well he does, but his bubble is the whole industry. He of course sees how other idols get treated. Not even starting here about general internal company and industry standards. The amount of times he talked about food, he isn't allowed to eat & diet but wants us fans to eat well and not to care about our weight / figure....

Sorry for this negativity in the morning but certain fans and industry habits piss me off. And it pains me to see idols feel that way and how they get treated like that, especially by their own fans...

(Also 100% one of the reasons he developed depression and anxiety disorder... which also pains me)

That's also why kpop has such a bad image, people judge you over for being a fan of kpop...

#shinee #taemin #kpop

[gimme-mor]

ACOTAR THINK PIECE: ELAIN ARCHERON, UNTOUCHABLE

*DISCLAIMER*

This will be a long post.

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the comments I have seen on Tumblr and Twitter and bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom.

The reason I am tagging “Elriel” in this post is to call attention to the arguments in the Elriel fandom that: weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions about Elain’s character and her relationship with Lucien; victimize Elain’s character in fandom discussions; and coddle Elain’s character, which limits fandom discussions about her narrative development and prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions in the same way that the fandom holds other characters accountable for their actions and inactions. It is for these reasons that I WILL NOT remove the “Elriel” tag from this post because all of the above points contribute to the toxic discourse surrounding Elain’s character.

I urge those who use these arguments to understand their implications, why they are problematic, regardless of intent, and reexamine their contributions to the ACOTAR fandom. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking people and their personal shipping preferences. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

Also, I highly encourage the Elriel fandom to read this post because it addresses how the concept of choice as an argument enables arguments to exploit social justice and feminist languge in order to vilify Elucien shippers, among other problematic things.

Elain Archeron is one of the most polarizing characters in the ACOTAR fandom. Though opinions about Elain vary, arguments in the Elriel fandom cite society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters as the reason behind the hate, and this belief is used to provide an explanation as to why other characters in the series are favored over her. In the series, Elain is portrayed in a wholly positive light and this image carries over into the Elriel fandom, painting her character as a good and kind female who has been unfairly wronged and a victim of circumstances that were out of her control. When arguments in the Elriel fandom oppose other viewpoints in the fandom, they fall into one of three categories:

Category 1: Weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions

Maybe people who hate Elain are just jealous of her in a weird way similar to when someone hates the pretty, nice, and charming girl in school just because she is too perfect

Disliking Elain is misogynistic

What happened to feminism? What happened to women supporting women? What happened to she can say no? All of that disappears the second you force Elain to be with Lucien

Elain antis are misogynistic

All Eluciens are Elain antis

Antis claiming they’re feminists when in reality they hate on Elain and Feyre but love Nesta

Elain antis are such sore losers. Y’all were that bunch of people who could not get over being rejected from hanging out with the cool kids so y’all are projecting your hatred towards pretty people now to get validation

I don’t get how Elain’s love for gardening equals boring for some people. I’m sorry your misogyny finds traditionally feminine activities boring

Why are you attacking a female? What did Elain do? Where are your feminist voices?

The fandom is misogynistic towards Elain

If people loved Elain they would ship Elriel

If you hate Elain it says a lot about your feelings toward women

If you hate Elain because she has no “development” then you must hate Azriel because otherwise you’re misogynistic

Eluciens are turned off by the idea of a woman that has the autonomy to reject a man for the simple reason that it is her choice

Eluciens are all about feminism and “it’s HER choice” until it comes down to females not wanting a male

Eluciens don’t respect Elain’s feelings when they ship her with someone that was part of her trauma and makes her feel uncomfortable

The way some Elucien shippers completely disregard how uncomfortable Elain is around Lucien is so hilariously not funny. Prioritizing being mates over Elain’s feelings is just regressive

It’s hard as a fan of Elain to see someone ship her with a person who makes her physically uncomfortable to be around. Wouldn’t you want both characters to be happy to be around each other

Imagine if SJM saw all the awful things her “stans” had to say about Elain

It’s true that we know comparatively little about her, but is she really boring or do you just not value stereotypically feminine traits?

So y’all are just gonna tell me you prefer Elucien over Elriel? Even though Lucien treats Elain as if she’s something that belongs to him? The only reason he wants to be with her is because she’s his mate, he doesn’t respect her, doesn’t treat her as his equal, even though that’s what mates should be? He doesn’t bother to look past what’s on the outside to see her for who she is. And Elain is obviously repulsed by the idea that she should belong to anyone or have no choice in who she can be with. Azriel is her friend and the only person who sees her quiet strength. He has so much faith in her, in her abilities; he’s the one who kept her company when no one else did, he’s the only one who bothered to see her for more than her brokenness. You’re going to tell me you still prefer Elucien over Elriel?

The more I see Gwynriels that ship Elucien out of their hate for Elain, the less I can understand Elain stans that ship Elucien. Pls Elain has made it very clear that she doesn’t want Lucien, why would you ship her with him? Do you hate her too? Smh

The real question would be, if you care and understand Elain why would you ship her with Lucien (where she canonically shrinks when he is near)?

People crying over Helion and Lucien’s mom not getting to be with each other and her being forced into a relationship she didn’t want, but also ship Elucien? Just say you hate Elain

When Elain’s book is out, Gwyn stans will look like clowns and I will laugh because they set her up by shipping her with Azriel just because they hate Elain. Watch them play the victims now because Elriels are clapping back the hate they’ve sent towards Elain

As romantic as wanting girl who is visibly uncomfortable around a guy who caused her trauma to end up with the said guy. Guess their standards for romance are in hell

Category 2: Victimize Elain’s character

Gwynriels only want Gwyn with Azriel because they despise Elain

Gwyn stans and Gwynriels are Elain antis

No one in the books dislike Elain, so why are there so many people who do?

Elain hasn’t done anything wrong or questionable to warrant the hate she gets

Not having Elain’s POV makes it easy for people to be swayed a certain way about her character if you already don’t relate to her in some way

It’s been years since this series came out and we haven’t gotten a lick of an Elain POV, but people still hate her for what? We don’t know her thoughts, dreams, or aspirations

We haven’t even had Elain’s perspective yet and people are passing these judgments off on her

Elain antis who say she’s boring are just cruel when she has obvious symptoms of PTSD like Feyre and Nesta

Gwyn is one of the most overhyped characters and that’s only because most people hate Elain and they couldn’t wait to find a random girl to ship Azriel with

Nesta was abusive to her sisters but Elain (who has only ever been kind) is painted as the villain

From the text we know that Elain is the epitome of feminine stereotypes (gentle, gardening, baking, non confrontational for the most part). Yet people still call her boring or deny that she has any interesting character traits?

You can’t love Nesta and hate Elain

People hate Elain because of internalized misogyny and lack of taste. All the girl does is tend to her garden and mind her business and they treat her worse than Tamlin

Does Gwyn deserve all this support? Of course yes! She is amazing! But where’s that support when Elain was in the same situation as she? Where’s that support for her right now? Why do they idolize Gwyn for her interactions with Azriel and hate Elain for having any interaction with him?

It’s not even a ship war anymore, they just hate Elain

People hate Elain for no reason

Some of y’all don’t like feminine traits and it shows

We know less about Eris and Helion but people don’t call them boring. Why would rejecting femininity make Elain more interesting?

Elain has had a lot forced upon her

The main reason I believe most people love Gwyn so much is to get Azriel away from Elain. It’s not a secret that Elain has been a widely hated character for years so suddenly we get a new female who has a minimal amount of interactions with Azriel and BOOM. New ship that once again doesn’t make sense (just like Azriel x Emerie after ACOFAS)

Elain hasn’t done something so terrible for her to get this hate. At this point some of you are just being misogynistic and you don’t want to accept it. Don’t call yourselves feminists and then say bs like this, it’s embarrassing. She’s pretty and everyone agreed to hate on her

Just a personal feeling, but I feel like a lot of the Elain hate stems from internalized misogyny. That to be a strong female lead, you need to pick up a sword and fight. That to be strong, you need to adapt traditionally masculine traits

Elain is feminine. She is beautiful. She loves to bake and garden. She is docile, quiet, observant, and a people-pleaser. All traditionally feminine traits. Yet for some reason, she’s like the worst in these people’s eyes?

I think also maybe a lot of people can’t relate to her femininity? That her being so beautiful and quiet doesn’t allow for the people who dislike her not to self-insert? Most of the hate stems from people not wanting Elain to be with Azriel. It’s mean, but maybe the people who hate Elain literally just can’t self-insert if they have a story and that’s why they’re vehemently against it?

Poor Elain. The Cauldron dealt her a bad deal. Upon emerging as Fae, she is immediately declared by Lucien as his mate, never mind that she was already engaged to a prick. Her love life is not good

It blows my mind how they really think that they can compare all the shit that Elain gets with some dumb jokes about Gwyn on Twitter (and yes, the “hate” towards her started mostly because Elriels are clapping back, it was bound to happen)

I would think of it as anti-feminist with Elain and Lucien because she has consistently stated that she does not want him so if she was forced to embrace the bond that would be taking away her right to have a choice but with Az she feels comfortable around so if they were mates then Elain would be happy and feel safe which again should be the priority for women to feel safe in their relationships with anything and to not be forced into any type of situation aka the mating bond in this

Category 3: Coddle Elain’s character

Elain has value the way she is, in all her domestic girly glory. Not every character has to be badass

We don’t speak of Elain’s flaws frequently because everyone else already speaks badly of her, mainly in an unfair way

There is definitely something deeper going on with Elain but by no means will she ever be evil or any less feminine. That goes against everything we already know about her

It’s ok to critique Elain because she needs growth but y’all keep forgetting the shit her and her sisters went through

The last “bad” thing Elain did in ACOTAR was not help Feyre when they were impoverished and I’m tired of people acting like she’s a terrible character when it was their father’s responsibility. It happened 4 books ago and Feyre has forgiven both Nesta and Elain

Elain’s character and the evil Elain theory are a great example of the trend where people only consider female characters interesting if they reject femininity

We don’t know enough to hate Elain

Many people want Elain to turn evil (which in my opinion seems to come from a place of internalized misogyny)

However we don’t tend to talk about her faults, at least not publicly, as that has been, and still is, done to death, and I--personally, at least--find it much more fun to theorise about potentially interesting aspects of the overall plot, than dwell on negatives

And ultimately, I would be shocked if Elain has a more karmically-charged story than Nesta, considering that Elain’s “wrongs” are so much less severe and bad than Nesta’s, and Elain has already apologized for them (or paid the price in other ways, like through what Graysen did)

I guess I also think Elain has suffered and been punished enough. I hope her story is about finding hope in terrible situations, and learning to love her new life, and choosing her own path after everything that has been done to her. I don’t think she needs to be punished anymore or face any additional trauma

Also, why is she being judged on her decisions as a human at all? Fae are monsters to humans! They enslaved them for thousands of years, and the Wall was erected to keep them out

Like I’m sorry, but think Elain would want to leave her ONLY FAMILY AND FRIENDS for the Spring Court where she has no one because--oh look, lots of flowers!--is the craziest thing I have ever heard

Her sisters are in the Night Court. Her nephew is in the Night Court. Her closest friends (Nuala and Cerridwen) are in the Night Court. Her love interest is in the Night Court. Her extended family is in the Night Court. Her home is in the Night Court

SJM isn’t going to keep two sisters together and split up the third. Especially not keep Feyre and Nesta together and separate Elain. They were either all going to end up in separate places, or together. Not 2 here and 1 there

Compared to the other female characters in the series, Elain is the only character whose femalehood is at the center of conversations; this is because arguments in the Elriel fandom fixate on it when discussing her character. While Elain, Feyre, Nesta, and Mor are all representations of white womanhood and white beauty, Elain epitomizes the most fragile version of white womanhood. It’s easy to blame society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elain’s character because it: falls in line with the fixation on Elain’s femalehood to silence opposing viewpoints; is a simplistic explanation that fails to tackle the underlying issues with Elain as a character, the same issues that are downplayed in-universe; absolves Elain of her wrongdoings; prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions within the series; and diminishes the impact Elain’s actions and inactions have on those around her. It’s not that Elain is hated in the fandom because she’s a traditional female character; it’s the fact that arguments in the Elriel fandom deflect a critical analysis of Elain’s character because she’s a traditional female character who embodies the ideal white woman in need of protection. White fans and white-aligned fans of color, especially white women, have a tendency to vehemently defend, gatekeep, and coddle white female characters in fandom; this makes it difficult for other fans to engage in critical discussions about these white female characters because they’re viewed as flawless and all around perfect characters despite evidence to the contrary. Since Elain is viewed positively by the other characters in the series, it has rendered her character untouchable to any perceived slight or criticism in fandom discussions because those negative opinions challenge what has been said about her character thus far. And as a result, her character has been placed on a pedestal and implicitly hailed as the epitome of white womanhood; and when she’s criticized, it’s seen as a direct attack against white womanhood. Arguments in the Elriel fandom: exploit feminist language and perpetuate white feminist tactics under the guise of defending Elain’s character; center Elain in conversations about female oppression in the ACOTAR world and uphold white feminist ideologies in their critique of ACOTAR’s patriarchal society; and use the fragile white woman narrative to victimize Elain in Lucien’s presence, playing into racial biases that are associated with white supremacy’s defense of white womanhood.

Feminism is a social movement that seeks to promote equality and equity to all genders, and feminists work toward eradicating gender disparities on a macro-level, in addition to challenging gender biases on a micro-level. As feminism became more mainstream, a flat and oversimplified version of feminism emerged: mainstream feminism. The mainstream feminist movement is meant to represent all women, but rarely does it center conversations around issues that concern most women. The problem with mainstream feminism is that it’s just a popularized version of white feminism. White feminism has relied extensively on an individualized understanding of women’s oppression, exclusively from the lens of privileged white women. White feminism only focuses on the oppression experienced by white, able-bodied, affluent, educated, cishet women; and it views gender as the key mode of privileged white women’s oppression, isolated from the privileges granted by their other social identities. White women can be and are oppressed under the patriarchy but only because they are women; their identity as women does not exempt them from the privileges granted by their whiteness. The term white feminist does not mean any feminist who is white, but refers to feminists who prioritize the concerns of privileged white women as though they are representative of all women. However, the term is not exclusive to white people. Because white feminism is so pervasive, people of other racial and ethnic backgrounds often buy into white feminism, believing that if they work hard enough, they may be able to reap its rewards.

Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism only recognizes the identity of being a woman, assumes that all women share common experiences of gender oppression, fails to address other social identities in relation to overlapping systems of oppression, and disregards privilege in relation to various social identities. Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism is palatable because it doesn’t seek to challenge the systems in place, instead its goal is to succeed within them. Essentially, mainstream feminism and white feminism are extensions of performative feminism. Performative feminism is a type of performative activism that’s used to describe feminist views that are surface level and solely for the benefit of one type of person. It’s a pretense which often has nothing to do with genuine activism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom normalize and promote performative feminism because the topic of feminism is only referenced when discussing Elain. This indicates that these arguments are engaging in disingenuous discourse to push a personal agenda within the ACOTAR fandom, and it becomes more apparent when they use white feminist tactics to shut down opposing viewpoints:

White feminists weaponize and exploit feminist language to silence the opinions of other women, especially when they’re called out for their problematic behaviors

White feminists use the phrase “Women supporting women” to defend other white feminists who exhibit problematic behaviors instead of holding them accountable 

White feminists weaponize phrases like “Women supporting women” and “You just hate women” to attack other women who disagree with them on any given topic

White feminists use phrases like “All women face challenges” and “Stop pitting women against each other” to sidestep conversations about privilege

White feminists divert conversations away from privilege and towards the Trauma Olympics to equate their struggles to the oppression of marginalized people 

White feminists skirt around the realities of other forms of oppression and discrimination, downplaying the experiences of marginalized people

White feminists diminish or ignore the ways in which gender oppression affects other marginalized people

White feminists paint those they harmed as aggressive, mean, or divisive when confronted with the ways they have harmed a marginalized group

White feminists deflect criticism by focusing on the anger or emotions being expressed rather than the issue that is being discussed, invalidating the concerns of marginalized people

White feminists speak over marginalized voices in an attempt to sound “woke”

White feminists get defensive and insist there’s no way they could be a part of the problem because of what they’ve done to help marginalized groups already 

White feminists say they don’t see color in an attempt to obscure racial issues that need to be addressed

White feminists center and victimize themselves in conversations about racism, which derails necessary conversations from taking place

White feminists who are white weaponize the intersectionality of their race and gender to avoid accountability

Feminism is not meant to be approached from an individualistic perspective nor is it only about addressing the experiences of privileged white women, it involves addressing the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, (dis)ability, and other social identities as well; and it involves addressing how these social identities relate to privilege. Moreover, feminism is not about women upholding complete loyalty to other women because of a shared gender identity, and to claim that it does implies that women should be held to different emotional standards than men. If men are able to dislike and criticize other individual men, real or fictional, without their characters being compromised, why aren’t women granted that same privilege?

It’s clear that SJM set up the ACOTAR world to mirror a patriarchal society, and that the imbalance of power between males and females stems from sexism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom analyze the ACOTAR world through a feminist lens to show how ACOTAR’s patriarchal society, to which the mating bond is innately tied, contributes to female oppression and limits their agency. When choice and free will are emphasized as part of Elain’s arc, they imply that Elain, through the mating bond, experiences female oppression under ACOTAR’s patriarchal society because of her identity as a female with that identity being the focal point of her oppression in the world. Elain is one of the most privileged characters in the ACOTAR world: she’s High Fae; she’s the sister of the High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court, which gives her access to wealth and political influence because of that connection; she’s able-bodied; she was magically blessed by the Cauldron; and she lives in Velaris, a place that grants females autonomy and power because of the beliefs of Rhysand and Feyre. Arguments in the Elriel fandom trivialize female oppression in the ACOTAR world because they disregard the fact that Elain’s privileges prevent her from experiencing female oppression in the same way that other marginalized females in the world do. The mating bond being one such example because those around Elain are not forcing the bond on her, instead they’re allowing Elain to reach a decision about the bond for herself; a privilege that other marginalized females in the world probably wouldn’t have. Just because Elain has endured hardships in her life and is a female in a patriarchal society, they do not erase the privileges she holds within the ACOTAR world. The failure to include Elain’s privileges in discussions about Elain being a female in a patriarchal society feeds into white feminist ideologies because white feminism operates from a very narrow perspective; it doesn’t take other intersecting identities into account when it examines gender oppression, leaving no room for discussions about privilege (or lack thereof) in relation to those intersecting identities. When discussing oppression in hierarchical societies, it’s imperative that privilege is also included in the conversation because privilege and oppression are not mutually exclusive; they equally affect the ways in which people navigate those societies through their social identities.

Rather than attributing Elain’s uncomfortability to her new life as a Fae female or the mating bond itself and her trauma to the Cauldron, the King of Hybern, or Ianthe, they’re placed on Lucien to cast his character in a negative light. Moreover, fandom discussions portray Lucien as a possessive character to further emphasize Elain’s discomfort despite the inaccuracy of this characterization in canon. Arguments in the Elriel fandom play into racial biases when it comes to Lucien (a male character of color) because they mischaracterize his character in order to victimize Elain (a white female character), placing her character in the role of the white damsel in distress. In Western society, the concept of womanhood has been conceptualized from a Eurocentric perspective with femininity and feminine attributes favoring white women. It’s the idea that a certain type of femininity is only inherent to white women as they are seen as the embodiment of an ideal womanhood. White womanhood has been a symbol of innocence and purity, and white women have been viewed as fragile beings in need of protection. The reason white womanhood functions within white supremacy is because it’s the same idea that has motivated white men to kill and beat black and brown men. The so-called protection of white women has been used as a justification for the horrific violence committed by white men because black and brown men were stereotyped as aggressive and seen as a threat to the virtue of white women. The white damsel in distress trope considered white women as worthy of protection because of their perceived innocence and purity; women of color were not granted that same treatment because they did not fit into the ideal image of womanhood. Over the years, this trope became a means for white women to exercise limited power in a patriarchal society with white women weaponizing their status as the damsel much to the detriment of black and brown men. It’s through the white damsel in distress trope that white supremacy sustains its dominance in Western society. The misrepresentation of characters of color in fandom, the dismissal of their importance to the overall story, and using them as tools in arguments centered around white characters are the foundation of fandom racism; they’re examples of how racism moves silently in fandom spaces. Instead of examining their behavior and taking constructive criticism from fans of color, white fans will often double down on their bigotry and center their uncomfortability in the conversation when confronted with their complicity in fandom racism. White fans expect fans of color to swallow fandom racism in its many forms in order to not ruin the experience of fandom, dismissing the fact that racism is prevalent in nearly every aspect of society. This mentality ensures that no one is held accountable for the harm they caused and alienates fans of color in fandom spaces.

To reiterate what I mentioned in my first think piece: terms like “oppression”, “the right to choose”, “feminist”, “feminism”, “anti-feminist”, “anti-feminism”, “internalized misogyny”, “misogyny”, “misogynist”, “sexist”, “sexism”, “racist”, “racism”, “classist”, “classism”, “discrimination”, and “patriarchy” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of marginalized people and challenge those who deny the existence of systems of oppression. Yet these words and their meanings can be twisted to attack, exclude, and invalidate people with differing opinions on any given topic. When social justice and feminist terms are thrown around antagonistically and carelessly to push a personal agenda, it becomes clear that these terms are being used to engage in disingenuous discourse and pursue personal validation rather than being used out of any deep-seated conviction to dismantle systemic oppression. Being an ally, activist, or feminist is not an identity, it’s a practice. It requires: ongoing self-reflection; holding ourselves accountable; listening to marginalized people; educating ourselves; dismantling implicit biases; challenging those around us who are exhibiting problematic behaviors; and action behind our words.

It’s important to be aware of the language that is used within the fandom when defending or critiquing characters and ships. It’s also important to question how an argument is framed and why it’s framed the way that it is to critically examine the intent behind that argument: is it used as a tool to push a personal agenda that reinforces problematic behaviors, or is it used as an opportunity to share, learn, enlighten, and educate?

-----------

Tagging: @spell-cleavers @bookofmirth @m0bulidae @ilya-boltagon

#elain archeron #elriel #acotar fandom #acotar: fandom critical

[kyidyl]

Kyidyl Explains Bones - Part 3

Well, I had this halfway done and then TUMBLR ATE IT, so let me start again.  UGH.  

(These posts are collected under the KyidylBones tag. Do with that information what you will, lol.) 

So what are we getting into today? Sex determination! 

Ethical Note: I’m adding this bc not everyone who sees this post saw my post yesterday and this is important info, especially on Tumblr.  Anthropologists of all stripes are well aware that sex and gender are extremely complicated.  Trust me, we know.  But we still do sex determination for a few reasons.  First, because missing persons databases are arranged on a male/female binary, and if we’re comparing a set of remains to that database to identify the remains then we need that info.  Second, demographic info for populations that have disappeared is important, even if those populations are historical.  This might shock you (<--sarcasm), but written records are usually either lacking or inaccurate.  Third, if we know the sex of the skeleton we can compare that to the grave goods and learn some interesting cultural things, including possibly being trans, because none of the signs of being trans survive physically in the skeleton.  So I am going to be using male/female binary language, but it isn’t to exclude the wide variety of sexes and genders that don’t exist on that binary, it’s because it’s what I’ve got to work with.  And if you have questions about this, feel free to ask, but please be respectful.  

Alright, so there are some vocab words for today’s post and I had them all nicely written out in an easy to read paragraph, but it got eaten, so I’m just gonna present them in list fashion this time: 

Characteristic - All physical markers of human variation exist on a spectrum because humans are varied and we invented the categories to begin with.  If something is characteristic of, say, a male? It means that it is very, very distinctly male.  It matches the stereotypical expectation of what you’d see in a male.  It’s a standard for an obvious example of a given thing.  

Landmark - A landmark on your bones is a feature of the bones that is always in the same place.  We use this to help us identify a bone and to help us know what side it is on.  IE, your lesser trochanter is a bump on your femur (thigh bone) that is on the inside towards the back.  It’s always in that spot, so we know which direction it should face and ergo which side it would be on.  Landmarks are unique to the bone in question.  

Foramen - A hole on a bone.  The big one in your skull that your spinal cord goes through is the foramen magnum and it literally means big hole.  But there are a lot of little ones all over your skeleton so your nerves and blood vessels can do to your skeleton what the weirwood did to Bryden Rivers.  I said what I said. ;) 

Bilateral - Both sides.  Humans have bilateral symmetry and so one side is symmetrical (externally and WRT your skeleton, but not always your organs.) to the other.  You can split us down the middle and the two sides are basically the same.  

Ok, so there’s another set of terms that you need to know, but I’m going to be copying and pasting this into every post going forward so I’m making it separate.  Anyone who works with any kind of anatomy uses these terms to be very specific about the location of something on the body.  They are: 

Anterior/Posterior - Front and back respectively.  I remember them because my mom used to say posterior when she didn’t want to say butt, and because A comes before P the way front comes before back.  Sometimes people say dorsal and ventral, and I remember that because a dorsal fin is on a whale’s back.  

Proximal/Distal - Near and far vertically in relationship to the center of your body.  I remember it because one end of the bone is in close proximity to me and the other one is distant.  

Medial/Lateral - Near and far horizontally in relationship to the center of your body.  I remember it because medial is closer to the middle of my body, and lateral isn’t medial.  Also, if you are reading left to right L comes before M and you’d get to a lateral body part before a medial one.  

So, where to begin? How do we know what sex people were assigned at birth from just their skeleton? Let’s start with what everyone is most familiar with: 

The Pelvis

The pelvis of an adult human is a really common thing for an archaeologist to find.  And by the time we find it, it’s usually in three pieces (excluding your tailbone aka last vertebra).  Your left and right hip bones, called the innominates, and your sacrum.  Mind you, the pelvis is made up of a number of bones, but they all fuse in adulthood except these three (fun fact: I’m so used to using the individual names for them that I had to *google* the word innominate.), so this is what we usually find.  If it’s a kid, they still survive well because they’re thick, heavy bones, but they aren’t fused.  Another fun fact, the bumps of bone that you feel under your ass are called your ischium and I’m only telling you that because I think it’s a fun word to say.  Your hop bones, like the actual entirety of the flat bladed part at the top, that’s called the Illium.  I like that word too.  Aaanyway, here’s a human pelvis: 

(Source)

These are actual bone specimens in the top down view, both are women, but they are of different ethnic origin.  

(Source)

This is a cast (IE, plastic), front view of a male pelvis.  

You can see those 3 pieces I’m talking about.  The only joint there that remains unfused is the sacroiliac joint, IE, where the two halves of the pelvis join the sacrum.  However! You sacrum is technically a series of fused vertebrae and your spinal cord runs almost all the way to the very tip.  There are some conditions which cause these not to fuse, or to not fuse properly, or to not properly encase the spinal cord and it causes all KINDS of issues.  But anyway, yeah, your sacrum is a really tough hunk of bone because it carries a lot of weight.  The bit in the front is called the pubic symphysis and, despite what certain tumblr posts would have you believe, having children does NOT leave a notch on the inner side of it from the muscle tearing away tiny chunks of the bone.  In fact, it is hotly debated whether or not pregnancy leaves behind any skeletal evidence at all.  

Alright, so basically speaking, females make da babies and males don’t, so the different equipment is differently shaped......

.....wait, no, that’s not right.  Let’s back up.  Male and female humans are differently proportioned and their center of gravity is, on average, different.  This is the whole thing about men having upper body strength and women having thighs that can crush watermelons.  This is on *average* (I will be saying a lot about averages in these posts.) true.  And so the physics of the forces exerted on your bones is different.  Males are top-heavy, and so their pelvis is shaped in response to their gate and muscle structure because the pelvis supports and distributes the weight of your entire body.  And bipedalism means that the shape of the pelvis is very, very different depending on the weight distribution.  These changes to the pelvis are really obvious, which is why we can tell from just a few bones whether or not a hominin was bipedal.  It changes the *entire* body.  

It is true though that the pelvis of a female is different than a male, because a female pelvis has to be able to support the weight of a developing child while still allowing the individual to walk.  So the interaction of average size, a uterus, and the bipedal gate means that male and female pelvises are a different shape.  

Here is a comparison: 

(Source)

So firstly, that angle is called the sub-public angle, and because a females pelvis is wider and flatter than a male’s (when viewed from the front) it’s wider in the front.  This also gives any babies more room.  Secondly, you can see the difference in the tilt of the sacrum - in the female you can’t see the tailbone.  This, again, is due to the confluence of weight distribution and the necessity of passing a baby’s head through that space.  It would be a lot harder to push it out if you had a tailbone in the way.  Lastly, you can see that the shape of the circle when you look top down and bottom up are different - wider on the woman because of the same reasons I’ve already mentioned.  There is one more major difference between the male and female pelvis, and that’s the sciatic notch: 

(Source)

Characteristic of male on the left, intermediate in the middle, and female on the right (and dang, she was young, too.).  Thinner is male, wider is female.  Usually you can fit your thumb in a female’s notch but barely or not at all in a male.  I personally find the subpubic arch and the sciatic notch the easiest to use because, fun fact #2, those 3 sections are a bitch to hold together with your hands and that makes it hard to see the other shapes.  The amount of sacrums and pelvic bones I’ve accidentally dropped while trying to determine sex....it’s a lot, ok? It’s a lot.  I only have two hands and pelvises are big.  

There are also several less obvious ways of determining sex from a skeleton, so you guys should definitely visit the source for the above image because they go into it deeper and there are several excellent images of public bones.  

So how else do we determine sex? The next easiest way is from the skull, because the features are distinct and skulls survive well.  

The Skull

In my opinion the easiest landmark to use on a skull for sex determination is the jaw.  There are several features of the jaw that can be used here - and, mind you, when determining sex we measure every small and large sex-linked feature according to a scale and then average it all out.  We never look at any single thing (although sometimes the individual has something so characteristic that you can’t help it.  The individual in my position has a brow like a neanderthal, so it was pretty obvious.).  Anyway, there are several features here but the easiest is to look at the shape of the lateral distal posterior portion of the jaw.  It’s called the masseteric tuberosity.  Basically, it’s a little bit of bone that sticks out of the back of your jaw.  It’s one of the attachment points of the masseter aka chewing muscles attach.  Because males have stronger muscles pulling on that part of the jaw and exerting more force, it flares out further for them when you look at it from the front, like this: 

(Source)

It’s that sticky-outy thing thing that I circled in red.  Here is an example of the same thing on females: 

(Source)

Female jaws are rounder, and so that bit is less defined, flares out less, and is not as sharp as it is on males.  And this is a reminder that these measures aren’t absolutes - humans have a lot of variance in them.  The female asian and the male on the right both have somewhat atypical structures, while the female european and the two other males have a very characteristic structure.  

The two other easiest to identify are the shape of the brown line and the shape of the chin (the mental protuberance).  Here is an image of the comparison: 

(Source: Pinterest, but this images are from the Human Bone Manual text that I use and I used this image so I wouldn’t have to make my own. :P) 

You can see in the profile that the female skull has a higher, more vertical forehead with less pronounced brow ridges.  If you look, you can also see that her chin protrudes less in profile, and is softer and less pronounced in the frontal view.  The angle under her teeth is less severe.  

So these three things, the chin, the brow, and the jaw, are the easiest to identify the most likely to be characteristic of the sex of the individual.  But, if you compare the images I’ve used here you’ll also notice that there are other differences in the skull.  Females have more of a slope to the bottom of their jaw, the bump on the back of their heads (the occipital protuberance) tends to be far less pronounced; and this is the case for all muscle attachments generally speaking.  On average, males are more easily able to build muscle mass and are larger, and so their muscles pull harder on their skeletons and create larger muscle attachments.  The round, blunt thing to the right of the back of the jaw that sticks out from the skull (the mastoid process), is also at a different angle and is larger in males.  This is another case of the muscles being bigger and stronger - the mastoid process is where several of your jaw and neck muscles attach.  

There you have it, then.  The easiest ways to tell the sex of a skeleton.  :) 

This post has been approved by Gage the science doggo: 

#science #anthropology #skeletons #human remains #human skeletons #education #KyidylBones #archaeology #bioarchaeology #humans #bones #human bones

[lovesickallovermybed]

GIF Making/Sharpening/Colouring Tutorial

hi all! i’ve been asked many times to talk about how i sharpen and colour my gifs so today i will be doing a step by step tutorial on how i do

what you need: 

photoshop (i use a constantly updating one)

a video of some kind

space in your computer

difficulty: medium 

before:

after:

step one: download a video that is 720p-1080p

this is a fairly simple step, however, DO NOT DOWNLOAD IN 4K. what this tends to do is make the frames longer and blurrier whenever you’re attempting to sharpen them than they actually are. i usually pull videos from youtube or use quicktime to screen record videos. there are also lots of resources for videos that are kept on google drive.

step two: in photoshop, go to file - import - import frames to layers

to import frames to layers, you want to have a .mp4/.mov of some kind. i prefer the quality of mp4 over mov because it tends to create better spacing between frames, but mov still looks good!

step three: in import frames to layers, pick the relative part you want to gif.

only pick the first gif you want to make. a lot of times photoshop will run slower on older computers due to the processors within the computer. if you stick to only giffing one at a time, your computer won’t slow down as much.

step four: create the frames, but don’t select “limit to every __ frames”

many people do this and will limit to every 2 frames. while this used to be needed because of tumblr only allowing a 1mb limit back in the day, the limit on gif size has increased to 10mb. the chances of you making a gif that is 10mb is pretty small unless it is large with a lot of frames. if you’re wondering why your gifs aren’t as smooth, it’s usually because you are limiting frames.

step five: make all of your frames .03/.05 sec long 

usually at this step after creating the frames they will come out to be .04secs or .02secs long. if you save a gif at this level it’ll look too fast. instead go to the far right of the timeline and select the three lined box, in this box you will see an option that says “select all frames.” after pressing it all of the frames will be selected and you can go to where it says .02/.04 and change that time. click “other...”, then type in .03/.05. you can chose to change this at your discretion and personal taste. this is just what i NORMALLY do.

step six: now you want to crop and resize your gif as well as remove frames

these are the different proportions that i usually use:

for large full-width: 540x270

for 8 gif edits: 270x152

for longer looking full-width: 540x230

for full body: 270x330 or 270x300

for headers: 700x374

to crop, select the crop tool and get rid of any black edges or any part you don’t want of the image. then go to edit - image size. either do 540px or 270px and adjust the canvas size afterward based on if you had to input the width or the height to get the start of the proportion you want. this is also where you can test your gif to see if the frames are too many and can delete whatever you don’t want.

step seven: creating a timeline 

now that you have the start of your gif, you would think we would move onto colouring, wrong. now we have to make your framed gif into a timeline one instead. in the animation toolbar there is a button next to where it says “forever” and you will click this button to convert the animation to timeline.

step eight: sharpening the gif

okay now this is where it gets a little trickier. what you want to do is go to the top and pick select - select all frames after this all of the frames will be reselected. then click filter, convert for smart filters. this will make your animation all into one single layered smart object. 

after creating this smart object go back into edit and select smart sharpen. the settings i use are pictured below but i will also list them out here: amount: 500%, radius: 0.4px, reduce noise: 50%, shadows and highlights: fade amount: 0, tonal width: 50%, radius: 1px

now, click onto the layer you just sharpened. then right click and select duplicate layer. the shortcut for this is command+j. add a guassian blur to the object of 1px. then, make the layer 22-33% opacity. what this does is blur how sharp the effect is to make it seem more natural and clear.

step nine: colouring

now that the gif is sharp, we can actually colour it. whenever i colour the first thing i do is make a selective colour layer. within this layer you want to go to neutrals first. change these settings based on how you want the environment and colours to look. less black makes the scene lighter, more makes it darker. also go to the white and black categories within the selective layer. i tend to put the black at nearly 100% depending on how dark the scene is, (if it is lighter i usually don’t want to darken it too much), because what this does is keep the noise out from the darker areas of the gif. i almost always also always put white and -100% black to get rid of any black that might be within the white parts of the gif to take the noise out.

after this, i always add a curve layer to brighten and harden the gif. i then add another selective colour gif and adjust according to what just makes the gif look sharper/more colourful. obviously settings are going to be different for everyone, but i almost always use these at the beginning for a good base gif. after this selective colour layer in this scene i added a levels layer and defined more of where i wanted the light to go and the darkness/neutral light shifts. next i added a colour balance layer and changed midtones/highlights/shadows to sort of warm up the gif as well as make certain colours more defined. i then placed a vibrance layer to let the colours other than black and white stand out more. after this i added in another selective colour layer and i used this to brighten the cyan of the dress as well as change some of the red and yellow in the skin to make it darker and more defined. for some reason there was a hue of a blue shadow around the dirt and i wanted it to be black so i went to hue/saturation and changed the blues to being 100% black instead of blue so that the shadow would look darker.

finally, as with any of my gifs, i added an exposure layer the settings for this layer are in its screenshot below. very rarely do i ever change from these settings but you can play around with them as you please

step ten: saving the gif

i was asked many times how i save my gifs and the settings i use so here is how. to save, go to file - export - save for web (legacy). (it may take a moment for your gif to be ready to save but don’t worry this is normal.)

make sure that within the save for web you have perceptual and diffusion selected for how you save your gif. at the bottom you also want to have bicubic sharper as the quality of the gif. as long as your settings look like mine, you’re good to save!

step eleven: you may or may not need this step

occasionally, photoshop will play a trick where even though you saved your frames as .05secs it changes them automatically to .07secs per frame instead. to check this, reopen your gif, convert it to a frame animation, then look to see. you can easily just change the .07 back to a .05 and save for web again right after then replace the slower gif with the faster one

and thus we have:

#tutorial #gif making #gif tutorial #yeahps #photoshop help #theme hunter #itsphotoshop #chaoticresources #completeresources #allresources #mine #tutorials

[archived-gtronpa-account]

*grumble grumble* dumb Tumblr deleting my 2.5K words post for no reason blegh.

Well anyway,

In defense of Gonta and Kokichi's friendship

Heyo! I like both Gonta and Kokichi a lot lot lot, they're both p much my faves.

I've only watched a single let's play for v3 a few weeks ago so I don't remember everything, however I was on the lookout for those two and it's pretty easy to miss their positive interactions or even misinterpret them, but I'll try to bring up what I remember cause I've seen people hating the relationship between them a lil too much and while I'll concede that it isn't the best it's also important not to dismiss the good things canon and heavily supported headcanon. Also it's one of my favourite friendships of all the danganronpa franchise even when we only look at absolute canon.

Without further ado, we start off with the insect meet and greet that gets brought up a lot. It gives off the impression that Kokichi manipulated Gonta into doing it, but there's a piece of dialogue between Gonta and Shuichi before it in which Gonta says 'Oh, Shuichi! Are you looking for a way to get students to trade motive videos?', meaning it was a plan he wanted to do- and we can assume it's not Kokichi who pushed him into thinking of that, cuz Gonta wasn't aware of his plan and why would Kokichi tell him about trading motive videos without mentioning his plan?

After that during the IMAG When Kokichi says he has to leave and Gonta asks him why, Kokichi very clearly says that he'll bring their motive videos to watch together and Gonta very clearly agrees to it. No manipulation. So all of Kokichi's IMAG plan can be boiled down to 'I'll force everyone to gather and watch the motive videos, and I'll get help from Gonta since he supports this idea, and along the way he can show off his bugs so it's a win-win' and note that Kokichi is not anymore malicious with his plans than he thinks is necessary, he could have lied to him and just gathered the students elsewhere, but instead he chose a plan that would make Gonta happy. I'm not sure why he didn't explain his entire plan to Gonta beforehand, but at least he chose him because he agreed with his opinion and didn't go out of his way to manipulate him.

After that we think Kokichi tricked Gonta because the students- mainly Tsumugi- keep saying it, and we see Gonta confused so we think he has no idea what's going on- but he does, he clearly agreed to watch the videos, and is confused a little as to why they keep saying he's gotten manipulated. Then we see him angry and assume he's angry at being manipulated, but he is only angry because Kokichi lied about liking bugs, and, well, he didn't let it slide and punished Kokichi with the IMAG, so, yeah. If you don't look closely it's very easy to misinterpret this whole event.

Moving on to the whole lovely mess that is chapter 4. I'll explain it in a chronological order so hopefully it doesn't get too messy.

Two murders happened for an insanely stupid reason, and Gonta once again wasn't able to prevent it. At this point he's desperate to help his friends but he feels more and more useless and unhelpful, the constant babying from his classmates doesn't help

Kokichi takes the motive keycard and sees the secret of the outside world. You know, the one that broke all of the students in chap 5 and made Shuichi understand the idea of Gonta's mercy killing in chap 5 and made Shu so depressed he couldn't do anything but lay in his bed for days.

Now I'm gonna go in speculation territory cuz I've only watched the game once a few weeks ago and my memory is fuzzy and it's hard to come up with a good analysis without a second watch through, so prepare for some confusing stuff here. There are two of Kokichi's reaction to seeing the literal end of the world before his eyes after he thought there was an audience, the initial one is that it drove him to insane despair (which Kaito noticed and punched him and called him weirder than usual) and he started to believe that this entire twisted game was only made for one single crazy mastermind, and maybe the best choice was for all of them to die after all. But then he may have thought further of it and realized there might still be a chance for it to be a lie, because why would a single person care so much about rules for a game without others stopping them from doing whatever dumb whim they want? So through his despair Kokichi thinks there might still be a chance that the world is fine and there's an audience which wants a thrilling game of murder, but he needs to test that theory. The plan he comes up with would be to see if monokuma would team up with him to add a motive to the neo world, and if monokuma accepted then it would mean there really is an audience that wants things spiced up. Problem is, he knows Miu wants to kill him there.

Now, I don't know what exactly Kokichi's plan was, but I'm sure he can come up with plans very quickly and adapt to whatever situation and see a few moves ahead. Gonta followed him outside- Kokichi didn't lure him out-, and it was then that Kokichi came up with the plan we all know of…

Reminder that Gonta saw the secret of the outside world, the one that drove the entire class to despair in chapter five. Gonta isn't as pure as we make him out to be, he is prone to violence as seen a few times throughout the game, and having been raised in the wild with carnivorous wolfs we can speculate that he isn't averse to murder so much. It would make sense that he would agree to a mass mercy killing. Both he and Kokichi agreed that it would be best for everyone to die in their blissful ignorance. Gonta was in fact so willing to do it that he helped by suggesting the idea of the slide to make the murder even more confusing and make Kokichi even more suspicious.

Once again, I'm not sure what plan Kokichi was going for, but, whenever I think back to trial 4 I really get the vibe that he wasn't completely against the mercy killing. I'm not sure how much, but I'm certain that to some extent he was ready to go through with his and Gonta's plan, like he had one foot in the killing plan, and one foot in another plan, and however the trial went he would go.

To summarize up until this point, both he and Gonta saw the secret of the outside world and made an alliance in which they very surely both agreed that death was a better alternative than letting their classmates live and see what had become of the outside world. Kokichi didn't even need to manipulate Gonta for that.

Although I will admit that if Kokichi wanted to test his theory and thought there was a chance the outside world was fine, then he really did manipulate Gonta by making him think that the outside world was destroyed when he himself thought it was a lie. But even in this case Kokichi didn't manipulate Gonta by exploiting his gullible nature, he used a lie that could have worked on anyone, and Gonta just so happened to follow him outside.

Then the part that gets people is Kokichi yelling at Gonta for being stupid till he cries, and just generally being a dick. But get this, in the anthology in the Hair Raising Panic chapter Kokichi realizes that Gonta is tricking them and hiding something. Kokichi of all people doesn't underestimate Gonta's intellect and it's shown many times throughout the game but I won't go into it for now I'll save this for another time. But Kokichi is the type to distrust people for the smallest reason, even in the anthology's no-murder school life AU Kokichi found it in him to get suspicious of Gonta, and now they're in a killing game where each person can be mastermind, murderer, traitor, he has every reason to distrust all his classmates and he doesn't underestimate Gonta's intellect. So from Kokichi's point of view, Gonta is deviating from their plan and betraying him- when he'd thought he could trust him and even made an alliance with him. It's messing with his carefully crafted plans and he can't afford that and there's too much at stake, so he snaps at Gonta. Although I will admit I don't understand what was going through Kokichi's mind when he called him dumb, I'm thinking his evil persona was pushing through and his panic was guiding him, but I still firmly believe that Kokichi was the one student who didn't underestimate Gonta's intellect.

This is getting long and I haven't even finished most of what I've wanted to address. Moving on.

Let's not forget that after the whole trial Kokichi wanted to die with Gonta and voted for himself- but here's the thing into speculation again. I believe I'd he wanted to just die he could have not voted and been punished for that, but he voted for himself. Sooo I think he voted for himself after telling the students about the two blackeneds rule, hoping that either votes would be even for them and thus for him to die with Gonta- or that he hoped too many students would remember the two blackeneds rule and vote for him so he would be wrongly voted as blackened and their mass mercy killing plan would work after all.

Also, you know, in chapter five Kokichi could have made an unsolvable murder by killing Kaito who was gonna die of his illness anyway, but he still chose to kill himself because of two things: the first being that he wasn't anymore malicious than he needed to be so he made a plan that would allow Kaito to shine as the hero he desperately wanted to be, and, well, his immense guilt over killing one of the closest people to him during the killing game- heck, two of the people he considered somewhat friends and allies he could trust a lil.

Before I'm done with the main narrative I'd like to point out one last REALLY IMPORTANT thing; the killing game is a game of distrust where anyone can kill anyone, it puts an insane amount of stress and paranoia on people and drives them to do things they would otherwise never accept. Some relationships couldn't easily happen outside of the killing game (like Kaito and Shuichi) and some happened more easily because of the killing game setting (like Kaede and Shuichi) and some should stay intact in either (like Tenko and Himiko). It's a rather unfair setting to judge people.

Now onto miscellaneous stuff that the killing game setting doesn't affect and should be good enough to judge people and relationships:

In trial 2 I think, Kokichi was the only one to praise Gonta for pointing out something smart (I don't remember what it was though, maybe the rope thing with Kirumi.)

Kokichi was also the one who took Gonta seriously when he talked about seeing tiny bugs and went as far as requesting the bug vac over something everyone forgot and dismissed- even the players themselves. In general, Kokichi is the student who most acknowledges Gonta's intellect.

Kokichi had two main plans and for both he trusted Gonta.

They can also be found often hanging out together- which I think is unprecedented in dr- and from what I remember if you you try to spend your free time with either of them they both hesitate to stop hanging out but get reassured by each other that it's fine and they can pick their discussion back up. So when together they aren't bickering or in an unpleasant discussion and enjoy eachother's company enough to hesitate to spare time for Shuichi. Strong emphasis on the fact that this is mutual, it's not only Gonta being nice enough not to ditch Kokichi or reassuring him that it's fine and he can leave, Kokichi too doesn't wanna ditch Gonta at first and reassures him that they can hang out later together. (As far as I can remember at least, but my memory may be tricking me)

In one of Kokichi's dating events he says that he hates bugs but wants to watch a bug documentary to understand why Gonta likes them. It's a good outcome too so Kokichi had a good time watching it even though he hates bugs.

Again in Hair Raising Panic even if Kokichi suspected Gonta he didn't tell anyone or mess with him and instead let him carry out whatever plan he had, suspicion but trust in the end.

The two have a very bittersweet event in the TDP (Gonta's) where Kokichi says goodbye to Gonta.

Firstly, Kokichi says he isn't eating enough but when Gonta gets worried Kokichi dismisses it as a lie, but Gonta still worries about it and most importantly, thinks Kokichi said the truth about not eating before dismissing it as a lie so he still worries about him. It's… really odd when you think about it, if it had been a lie for sure then it would have been written as such, but Kokichi's malnourishment is being treated in this scenario as the truth and most importantly we're shown that Gonta was able to see that Kokichi said a sad truth and then said he lied but Gonta still saw through that and understood that Kokichi could dismiss a sad truth as a lie not to worry him. This scene always sticks out to me because its writing really really caught me off guard, we don't have so much to say whether or not my interpretation is truth but knowing those two characters and as writer's hunch? I think this holds up well. I think Kokichi isn't as unreadable as people make him out to be and Gonta is smarter than people think he is, add to that the fact that in this event they've been classmates for nearly 3 years so at this point I don't doubt Gonta would be able to see through Kokichi's lies to some extent. I think this is overall really sweet and I'm glad that this scene exists.

But the sweetest has yet to come! Kokichi tells this to Gonta

Kokichi: Cuz we won't see each other after we graduate. I *am* the leader of evil after all. There'd be no point in me being around a gentleman like you m, Gonta. And that's not a lie. Are you relieved, Gonta? You'll never be tricked by someone as despicable as me anymore.

Gonta: How sad! Gonta make lot of memories with Kokichi over last three years… So… of course Gonta feel sad he no see you anymore.

Kokichi: Of course. Well, I'm not a gentleman like you Gonta, so I bid you my farewell.

Gonta: Grgh… Gonta wish that was lie… [You feel even sadder than before]

And you know, this is a graduation event, in most cases one of the three choices is an interaction with someone from v3 cast who is very important in the killing game to the character you're playing. (Kaito with his sidekicks, Kiibo with Miu, I can't remember the rest). We have a clear confirmation here that outside of the killing game, Kokichi and Gonta are very close friends and Kokichi holds Gonta in high regard as a real gentleman who deserves better than a clown gang leader as his friend.

Mic drop.

Now, I've tried to be as objective as possible and point out either canon or interpret the vaguer stuff. I won't say they had a pure beautiful friendship because that would be aaa wrong, and I won't deny that for chap 4 plan Gonta was going to get hurt with that plan no matter what -by being voted as the blackened and thus failing to help everyone with the mass mercy killing, or by succeeding with the plan and being left all alone with his despair and prolly either planning his suicide after that or being taken to participate in season 54 before he could kill himself- and Kokichi most likely knew that his plan would hurt Gonta no matter the outcome, and Kokichi even if he didn't want to still pushed Gonta, his sweet gentleman friend, to murder for him. And he did lash out on him in trial 4 and say nasty things and make him stress and panic then hurt him with his villainous persona. I won't deny canon, actions speak louder than words, and Kokichi's actions, regardless of his intentions, still ended up hurting Gonta. But still in not ignoring canon, it's important to realize that Kokichi undeniably felt insanely guilty for what he did and even wanted to die with Gonta which completely contradicts his leadership quality and selflessness and logical nature (because dying with Gonta would be a meaningless death and would leave his clueless classmates behind with no plan to escape and many leads inaccessible) only because he didn't want to live with his sin, and it's also important not to ignore their many little positive interactions in canon pointed above. I won't speak for canon, but I definitely think their relationships had it's downs but also had it's ups that we really shouldn't be ignoring.

Feel free to point out any mistake I made or share your opinions- but please make sure not to be spiteful and have actual concrete arguments to share, I've spent a 3-4 hours writing and revising this passionately and I don't wanna deal with hate so please be gentlemen like Gonta. Thankie!

(oh cool this time around Tumblr didn't delete this phew now I won't have to re-format everything.)

#drv3 #Danganronpa #gonta gokuhara #kokichi oma #kokichi ouma #character analysis #? #not really but i don't know how else to tag this #ougoku

[bnha-scenarios]

Okay, so, first thing first. The second half of September and the whole October has been a wild ride.

Apparently this game blew up on TikTok (and probably some other platform or something?), and now I could see that there are tons of you who downloaded the game. That's just... so... unreal, at least to me. I didn't think this project would get so much attention. Even now, I’m still waiting to wake up from this dream 🙃

Anyway, if you’re new here: welcome! Sit back and relax, ‘cause this is gonna be a long ride!

I want to take this opportunity to say that due to the amount of comments, especially on itch.io page and my Tumblr, I won’t be always replying personally one by one to everyone anymore. I'll still try my best to answer questions and all, but I think by now everyone's common questions should already be answered in the FAQ page. So, moving forward, questions I have already answered inside that page will be ignored.

Still, I want you to know that I do read and treasure every single one of your comments. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, support, and suggestions! I'm sorry I can’t reply to those writing in languages other than English and Indonesian. While I can throw simple comments into Google Translate, every now and then the translator butchers long sentences and gives me garbled translation which I can't understand 😥

  ☕️ Special Thanks ☕️ 

I'd like to also take this chance to say, many, many thanks for the coffee, you all amazing, generous people:

M.L. | Dominique | Genki | Sara | 1 Anon

Even in this hard time, you’re all so kind. Again, I can’t really do much, but as my way of thanking you, your names will be put under Special Thanks in the game ♡ 

Alright, now, to the real essence of this post: progress update.

My work had been pretty demanding nearing the end of this month, and it made me get really sick of doing coding in general. Still, there is some progress on the game, and that’s good enough for me!

More details below ↓

Character Sheet: You / Player / Main Character

Before I get to anything else, let’s talk about ‘you’ first, shall we?

Although the main character's name is changeable, if you don’t wish to pick a name for them, ‘Suzuki Kaede’ is set as the default name.

Why Suzuki? I figured I would just take from one of the most common Japanese surnames.

Why Kaede? I chose it because I wanted a common Japanese unisex name, because the main character themselves is supposed to be gender neutral. So, the name came up as one of the results in Google, it has a somewhat nice and neutral meaning (maple), and I find that it sounds pretty nice, I decided to use it.

To reiterate, throughout the game, I try my best to not mention any physical characteristics and avoid elements which leans heavily to a specific gender in the story. All the characters in the game will also call you with your last name, and only neutral suffix (-san) is used at first. But you could get an event where you would be able to pick how the love interest will call the player, starting from that point in the story (on top of neutral options, there will be choices with gender-specific suffixes which you could pick if you want to). Other than that, all characters will always refer to the MC as ‘they/them’.

Now, moving on to the thing which people has asked about -- the player's Quirk. Here's a text version in case you couldn't see it in the image above for some reason:

What happens when a woman with Enhanced Learning quirk and a man with Camera Vision procreates? A child with exemplary learning ability and a pair of exceptionally observant eyes, apparently! The hereditary Vision you got from your father enables you to focus or scan an object or landscapes. With all the cues and information from your eyes, it seems that you're able to analyze and 'see' particular details of your object of interest in the form of numerical data. Due to the mainly passive nature of your quirk, you have to rely on the traditional weapons for offense, which might not be useful at all depending on your opponent's quirk. It's a plain and nonoffensive ability which isn’t so suited for a hero according to most people, but whatever - you’ll show those noobs the power of a gamer!

In other words, the information in 'Stats',  ' Weapon Proficiency', 'Special Moves', and even the 'Affection' meter, are actually part of the MC's Quirk. This also means, the more you hone your Quirk, the more it could affect your gameplay. I'll talk about that on the Gameplay section below.

There is one thing that’s kind of related to the MC's Quirk and I wanted to clarify. Bakugou did call you this in the demo, and yep, you might have guessed it: “crosshair eyes”. Reticle, crosshair, whatever you want to call it -- it’s that symbol you usually see in the center of your screen whenever you play FPS games. This is the only physical feature of the player's character that I specified (and yes, canonically, Hatsume has a pair of similar looking eyes in the original work). In relation to this, the icon for ‘activating’ your Quirk matches the same symbol.

Gameplay

Introducing: Stats, Special Moves, and Video Games!

Stats

There are 5 basic Stats for all of the characters in the game (brownie points if you recognize where they're taken from!): Speed, Technique, Power, Intelligence, Cooperativeness.

Your own Stats start off low, but you will be able to increase it by doing various activities, such as studying, playing games, winning on Heroics lessons, going to certain places, etc. Different activities raises different Stat, and you're free to choose which particular Stat you want to develop.

What are Stats being used for?

Certain Stat will increase a certain character’s affection, though it won’t be as much as if you hang out with that character.

There are certain places which you can only unlock when a specific Stat reaches a certain point. I’ll talk about hang out places and characters’ schedules in another post.

Weekly one-on-one training matches in Heroics lessons will test a specific Stat or Special Moves each time. Depending on who you chose to become your opponent, that specific Stat will determine the outcome of that match. On one hand, winning these matches can increase your Stat, but on the other hand, there are also special events you could possibly unlock when you lose. Again, I’ll probably talk more in detail about this in another post, since I still don't have the coding part down, so things might change.

Special Moves

Every hero has a Special Move in this universe, and so does the player’s character! While they might not be as flashy as All Might’s iconic United States of Smash, some of your Special Moves will have a direct effect on the gameplay. For example, a certain Special Move could unlock more answer choices for certain scenarios. Another Special Move could be activated to give you hints on how many affection points will be added to a character for the available choices.

You have a total of 5 unlockable Special Moves, and it will be up to you to use this feature: do you spend your time trying to unlock all of it in hope to make your gameplay easier, or ignore them completely in favor of balancing your Stats while pursuing the affection of your chosen love interest? It’s your choice!

(More brownie points for you if you got the reference in that picture lol)

Another use for Special Moves would be in the Heroics lessons, seeing as it might test how your Special Move fares against the opponent you picked.

Video Games

I would say that this particular element plays quite a big role in this game, since the MC learns and develops themselves by playing games. While you do have a set of games which you’ve owned, you’re able to purchase new games from the Video Game store. I would recommend doing this, as there are some neat ones which will help you greatly in your playthrough. But if you're not interested to explore them, that's fine too!

Each video game has a different effect, and it’s up to you to discover them! Or, perhaps, you could unlock a Special Move that allows you to know what effect each of the game has? 😉

What are Video Games being used for?

Most games will only increase specific Stat(s), but there are also others that can unlock Special Moves.

There is one game which helps you to unlock Stats or Special Moves of your classmates, which you can use in the Heroics lesson to pick a suitable opponent based on your current Stats.

In addition to all that, there are 2P games which require more than one person to play, and you could play them with your romance target when they’re available. On top of building your Cooperativeness, choosing the right answers during the gaming session will increase that character's affection.

Others

The basic functions behind some activities like studying, buying video games, and playing video games are done. I will probably move on to code the functions handling the Heroics lesson’s battles and the behind-the-scenes of when the player chooses to go to certain places.

I've also finished the two main custom screens, which is the Quirk and Games page. If I have time and the motivation, I'm guessing I'll be adding the two other additional screens I had thought of doing. We'll see.

Assets

This part is my nightmare, because I’m a perfectionist who’s far too picky when gathering resources…

But no assets = no game, so I did find several assets which I did like. This includes backgrounds, audios, background musics, and some sprites I was planning to use for developing the phone call function. I’m not going to list down all the things I found here, because I don’t think any of you would be interested in a long-ass list, but here’s an amazing background picture which I stumbled upon searching the dark abyss that is the internet:

Full credits to the artist: https://arsenixc.artstation.com/

Writing

I would have to say there isn't too much progress on this side yet, but I did decide on some story elements I want to insert into the game and scripted in a few scenes for the first day. I also managed to code in the dialogs for some common activities / places, like the video game store and a small part of school lunch time.

Honestly, I should probably create a sheet to identify how many scenes I would have to write? So all of us know the progress for this part of the development? ..... Let's see how it goes when my OCD flares up...

Disclaimers

All assets included in the devlogs are not mine, and credits to the asset owners / websites will be included in the game! My Hero Academia / Boku no Hero Academia ⓒ Horikoshi Kouhei

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha #heroaka #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #wnha #devlog

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Verboten 10 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:   AU. When Danny was five years old, he went missing for 2 weeks. In the years that follow, his family tried to make sense of what happened, only for the truth to be discovered years later.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, language. Be prepared for some very weird things

Chapter warning: child kidnappings mentioned

Parings: Danny/Sam

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr. This fic is very heavily inspired by folklore surrounding mysterious wilderness disappearances

Chapter 10

Frostbite was close lipped on their journey to Clockwork's lair, at least in regards to the mysterious and ancient ghost. He instead talked to Danny about different aspects of ghosts and their realm. Although the yeti ghost wanted Danny to return home, he wanted Danny to know about the realm as a precaution, and Danny reluctantly agreed.

As they passed by some of the floating islands, buildings, and doors, Frostbite would occasionally mention which of his allies or neutral acquaintances lived there. It was all so strange. There were buildings which looked like they were from ancient Greece or Rome, while there was another which looked like a modern library. Frostbite explained the form of the lair was heavily influenced by its ruler. A ghost needed to be a fairly strong to be able to create such a large lair, and while the architecture often reflected what the ghost knew while they were alive, it wasn't a necessity.

Eventually, a dark and imposing clock tower could be seen in the distance. "I guess that's the place?" Danny questioned as he tried to get a better look at it.

"It is. When we arrive, it is unlikely I will be able to go in with you."

"Wait, what?" Danny hadn't expected this would be a one on one meeting. From the way Frostbite spoke, he figured someone would be guarding him, at least until he had answers.

The older ghost gave him a sheepish look. "The invitation was only for you. Unless Clockworks invites me in, I will do no more than ferry you to the location and wait for your return."

"Is this Clockwork really so scary?"

"He is far more powerful than I am, so I have no desire to anger him. There are stories regarding how no foe has been able to sway or harm him."

"So you're just going to allow a teenager to go to meet a ridiculously powerful ghost by himself? That's just great. What if he incinerates me or something?"

Frostbite just chuckled. "I do not think you have anything to fear, unless you try to attack him. Clockwork is not known for going out of his way to do damage to someone."

"Great. That makes me feel so much better." Danny's sarcasm was lost on Frostbite.

…

A short time later, Frostbite's sleigh landed in front of the clock tower. Upon closer inspection, the building appeared to be made of a dark gray stone with large wooden doors. Thankfully, there was a small amount of land surrounding the building, so Danny wasn't worried about falling to his death. After being coaxed out of the sleigh, Danny, feeling incredibly self-conscious, knocked on the door.

The door opened, but he didn't see anyone when he cautiously stepped inside. He half expected the door to slam behind him, but instead, it remained open until he started moving towards the only thing in the room, a stair case. Once he reached it, the door slowly closed on its own.

While uneasy, he wasn't exactly scared. Whoever this Clockwork was, he was at least somewhat courteous.

After reaching the top of the stairs, he found himself in a large room filled with gears, pendulums, and what appeared to be mirrors set within large gears. However, after a closer inspection, the mirrors showed shadowy images which didn't appear to be him or anything in the room.

"Do you see anything interesting?" a pleasant voice asked from somewhere behind him, making him jump. He sheepishly spun around to find a ghost with blue skin, red eyes, and a clock pendulum in his chest watching him. The ghost initially appeared maybe around thirty, but after a few moments shifted to appear much older.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have looked." Danny wasn't exactly certain why, but he felt almost as if he was being caught in the act by a favorite relative. There was something familiar and personable about this ghost, even when his form shifted again. This time, his appearance was childlike.

The ghost chuckled as he approached. "It is quite alright. Most of my visitors have been drawn to them." He gestured towards the closest one, and the images suddenly became more vivid. It was almost as if it was playing some sort of video. "As you have guessed, I am Clockwork, master of time. I am able to see all events which may or may not come to pass." His form again shifted.

"Err… Frostbite said you wanted to see me?"

"Correct. Beings such as yourself have only shown up a handful of times over the millennia, and each time one does, it often brings great change."

"But what am I? Am I dead? Am I alive?"

The ghost gave a gentle chuckle. "You are still very much alive. You're just able to access the power of your soul, which is not usually feasible while one is still has a living body. However, this is not possible unless you are able to resist the pull of this realm."

"What does that mean?" Although Danny was relieved to know he was classified as living, he was still deeply confused by everything. "Does it deal with what Frostbite explained regarding what could trigger the change?"

"Yes. This world is similar to the human concept of limbo. It is a place where some souls wander until they are lead to the Evermore – true death. But, it is still a world of the dead, and the living are not meant to be here. It has defenses to prevent the dead from crossing back into your world, which unfortunately can cause the wayward human to become a denizen."

"However, there is more to it than that," Clockwork continued as he gestured to the mirror. Strange images flickered within it. "Over millennia, this realm became corrupted. The guides, beings unique to this realm, which used to help guide those wayward souls, are all but gone now. No longer being able to find true rest, souls that remain here often become tainted and become ghosts. Many can spread that taint as well, and some use that to create others like themselves."

"You're telling me that's why my classmates were abducted?" A cold chill ran through him as his body decided to return to his human form.

"Not in this case." Clockwork gestured to the mirror as an image flickered to the first ghost Danny and his friends saw. After a moment, another ghostly figure who suspiciously resembled Mikey came into view. "In Youngblood's case, whether or better or worse, wanted a companion more than anything else. This isn't an isolated case. However, many abductors have a far more insidious reason." The ghost turned to face him. "The living have an energy that the dead do not. It's probably easiest to refer to it as vitality. Returning to your previous question, you still produce that energy so it is safe to say you are still alive."

"Alright. So what makes that so appealing? Does it give, I don't know, special abilities?"

"Some believe so. Others believe vitality will help them restore some of the memories commonly lost upon death."

"That's so messed up," Danny replied after mulling over the information. "The memory loss thing, does that happen to everyone? Will it happen to me? Will I…?" He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he was worried he might become a danger to his friends and family.

The ghost, who was back in his child form, gave him a soft smile. "As long as you're alive, you don't need to worry. As for death, most souls do not come to this realm, but instead find their way to the Evermore. Also, as long as the soul is strong, it can avoid being tainted by this realm and become a force of good or of balance. Those which do have no need to seek out and harm the living." It was impossible for Danny to hide the relief on his face, which made Clockwork chuckle.

"Now let us move on to some of your other concerns. You want to know if you can return home and how you became like that, correct?" When Danny nodded, Clockwork again gestured to the mirrors. An image of a young Danny berry picking with his aunt and sister. The view changed to show a creature, some other ghost, peering at them from behind a tree. After Danny caught sight of it, his family members disappeared from the scene. "This is where your journey began. As you saw earlier, a distraction from this realm can accidently pull you into it."

"What is that thing?" Danny felt uneasy as he watched the ghost beckon to his younger self which somehow triggered his body to switch forms again. There was something about the ghost which made him unsettled. It looked humanoid with dark skin, but did not have any facial features. "I don't remember seeing it, but then again, I don't remember much from that."

Clockwork stared at the image for another moment before glancing at Danny. "Most of them no longer have names. We call them 'Recruiters', but it was believed they had been destroyed several centuries ago. They worked for the previous king."

"Wait, king? You guys have a king? And what do you mean they were supposed to be destroyed?"

"We once did," Clockwork replied as he shifted to his elderly form. "He waged war against this realm and yours, so he was sealed away. The members of his court, made mostly of purposely modified ghosts, were either destroyed or sealed. It appears someone has resurrected those modification techniques."

Danny was about to ask another question when the images in the mirror caught his attention again. It showed the ghost, the Recruiter, examining him. It then handed him something which looked like some type of candy. After young Danny ate it, the Recruiter watched him for a while before attempting to grab him. When the attempt failed, young Danny tried to escape.

Images flashed as his younger self ran away from the Recruiter. Eventually, the boy collapsed outside of what appeared to be some sort of wall and began to cry as a faint glow started to surround him. As the Recruiter again appeared in the scene, it was blasted away by a strange beam. The boy looked up to see Plasmius staring curiously at him.

"Wow… so Plasmius actually wasn't lying when he said how he first met me."

"For the most part, no," Clockwork replied as he raised his staff, which caused the scene to shift to the inside of Plasmius' mansion. The older ghost had given Danny more food and was watching him carefully. "Plasmius did accidently find you, but if he hadn't provided you with more food from this realm, you may have been able to return home as a fairly normal human, albeit with form of minor psychic ability. However, he saw potential in you and became interested."

The teenager was silent for a moment as he continued to watch the images. After Plasmius took him back to the human world, the scene shifted to show him a little older. With a jolt, he realized it was when he disappeared the second time. Instead of the Recruiter, it was Plasmius who beckoned him. The ghost didn't do anything other than talk and play with his younger self. However, Danny was showing evidence of ghostly traits again. "He wanted to make sure he was right, didn't he?"

"Yes. Plasmius has grand ambitions in this realm. He wants power and having someone like you at his side would be a great boon. However," Clockwork froze the image and somehow zoomed into a spot in the background. There was a Recruiter watching them, "you were not alone. This is troubling."

"You mentioned earlier you are able to see all possible events, didn't you? So why do you seem so surprised?"

The ghost, still in his elderly form, wore a tenebrous expression. "While my abilities allow me to see any number of possibilities, it can be difficult to sort through the amount of information I receive. It is also possible, though unlikely, someone powerful was able to block them from my abilities. However, now that I am aware of the concern, it is much easier to locate similar events." The ghost shifted to his child form. "I had wanted to send you home while you adjust to the changes in your body, but you may need trained first."

Uncertain how to respond while the ghost took a few moments to think, Danny turned back to the mirror. It was no longer showing images of his past. Instead, it was flickering through a multitude of scenes at a blinding rate. For a second, he thought he saw Sam and Tucker, but the image changed before he could be certain. Some of the images seemed to show an army of some sort. Overall, it left him unsettled.

"I believe I will need to let Frostbite into the Clock Tower," Clockwork stated, making Danny jump. "I will need him to spread the word of my discovery, and he has information for both of us."

Moments later, the white furred ghost hurried up the stairs with two of his guards. After taking a moment to collect himself, he bowed towards Clockwork. "I humbly thank you for allowing us into your presence."

"There is no need for that. My abilities and agreement with the Observants force me to remain neutral under most circumstances. As such, I prefer to keep to myself, but sometimes when extraordinary people appear," Clockwork gestured to Danny, "curiosity gets in the way. However, this time, I am glad it did." The ghost brought their attention to the mirrors and showed the Yetis the image of the Recruiter.

Frostbite's shock was quickly replaced by rage. "Who would dare attempt to recreate such a vile creature? However, we have unsettling news of our own. The entourage who were escorting the other humans Danny knows home were attacked by the Fright Knight and a horde of Reanimated." When the yeti caught sight of Danny's horrified expression, he gave a small smile. "Fear not. Pandora herself stepped into assist my men and drove them back; not even the Fright Knight dares raise his blade to her. Your friends should be arriving home soon." His attention turned back towards Clockwork. "Pandora explained one of her spies caught sight of them shortly before they attacked my men and took it upon herself to intervene. Her ambassadors will request an audience of the counsel within the day."

"As much as I dislike dealing with the Observants, I believe this is necessary," Clockwork agreed. "Whoever is employing the techniques of the old king has been able to exploit the blind spots in my abilities. It also seems as if they are aware of Daniel and what his existence means. They may also be watching Plasmius."

"This is most troubling."

"Uh, excuse me, but I have no idea what's going on here," Danny interrupted. The conversation had lost him some time ago, but he was relieved to hear his friends were safe.

Frostbite gave him a sheepish smile as Clockwork explained, "It appears someone is trying to make a grab for power. The last time this happened, war overtook this realm and spilled into yours."

"That… that doesn't sound good."

"No. Last time, it was only through the power of the Ancients that we were able to defeat the King. If someone has found a way to access his abilities, then it needs to be stopped before catastrophe happens." The yeti's expression was grim as he addressed Clockwork. "So what becomes of Danny? Will he need to remain with us, or can he travel home? Is it even safe for someone like him to return to the human realm?"

"As he is still alive, there is no harm in him returning him. His parents are working on several projects, one of which will provide his home with enough ambient energy to allow his core to remain stable. However, the more I attempt to peer into the future, the more muddled the images become. There is definitely interference. So, I am uncertain what route will allow the most favorable outcome." He shifted to his adult form. "So, Daniel, I leave the choice to you."

"You said that whoever attacked my friends know about me?"

The time ghost nodded. "Yes. Since you can traverse both worlds without ill effects, your abilities would be of great interest. You could remain here and train with Frostbite…"

"But I would not be able to guarantee your safety as today proved," the Yeti admitted.

"There is also a concern the Observant and the Counsel will not approve of your existence," Clockwork continued. "You could return home, but you would be forced to develop your abilities on your own. However, you would be much safer there for the time being."

Danny looked down at his hands and momentarily stared at the faint glow surrounding them. "Am I a danger to my family and friends if I go home?"

"No, but it is possible to make them more open to this world. If we are unable to prevent our enemies from gaining power, it may cause them to be targeted again."

"Is it okay if I take some time to think about it?"

"Of course. Take all of the time you need."

=========================================

Note: The Evermore is something within DP lore. It was mentioned in a video Butch Hartman released which expanded upon more information regarding the different residents.

Clockwork's mention of limbo and soul guides. To my knowledge, the concept of Limbo is most prevalent to Christians (particularly Catholics). This is a place in between life and Heaven/Hell. In previous Catholic tradition, Limbo is the place where unbaptized souls go upon death, and there were circumstances which could help those souls find rest (the Catholic Church modified its views on Limbo in 2007). Some people say Limbo is also the realm of the fairies, elves, and any creature/entity which lives in another realm that is not heaven or hell. There is a similar concept in Greek mythology which was referred to as the Asphodel Fields/Meadows.

And for completion sake, Purgatory is not the same as Limbo. Purgatory (also per Catholic tradition) is a place of fiery cleansing after death. It's a temporary stop as once the cleansing is completed, the soul moves on to Heaven. While it is not mentioned much, Purgatory is still considered to exist.

Soul guides, also called psychopomps, are creatures responsible for guiding the deceased souls to the afterlife. The belief in them is ancient. Depending on tradition, they can be anything or look like anything. There's even some thought that certain entities known to spirit away people, faeries come to mind, may have derived from this concept. A great representation of this are the Alebrijes found in Mexican traditions (they were recently featured in the movie "Coco.")

The Recruiters are kind of based of off "Shadow People" mixed in with other legends like "Tall Man" spirit and Stick Men/Indians seen in some First Nation lore. Shadow People are a weird phenomenon, even for the paranormal. True Shadow People are not usually considered to be ghosts, but no one is exactly certain of what they are. The inter-dimensional theory often pops up with them because they don't seem to act like "normal ghosts" and are usually considered dangerous. They are reported to negatively influence and harm humans. There are some reports of them attempting to steal people. 

Stick Men/Indians and the Tall Man are described as creatures similar to that of the modern tale of Slenderman, and they are again said to either negatively influence or take children. I used these descriptions due to some supposed reports from missing and found children saying creatures of similar descriptions wanted to take them with them, but they didn't meet the correct criteria.

Also, regarding Clockwork's powers… per the show, he "knows everything." However, it would very difficult of an entity to be able to take and absorb all of the information he gets at a time. So, my mind is viewing it as if he's skimming the majority of the information, which could allow events in the background to get missed.

#Verboten #danny phantom #danny phantom au #dp #dp au #danny fenton #sam manson #tucker foley #vlad plasmius #vlad masters #jack fenton #maddie fenton #supernatural #paranormal #fantasy #dark fantasy #folklore #so i heard you like folklore #sooooooooo much folklore #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing

[16ruedelaverrerie]

I have a question. How do you come up with ideas for dishes for Les Mignardises? Especially Gavin's ones? I can't get that fish from last chapter out of my head! I enjoy this fic a lot, you are a great writer.

What an actual goddamn DREAM of a question, I’m so happy to discuss this that I wonder if I hypnotized myself and sent in an anon ask just so that I could go on about it. But NO! I am very sad but I am not quite that sad in quite that way. And I am sorry for insinuating that you are a figment of my imagination, anon! That’s how much I appreciate this ask, thank you so much! HERE IS A REALLY LONG ANSWER THAT TUMBLR HAS KINDLY PLACED BEHIND A DASHBOARD CUT.

The salmon and steak tartare from the pop-up flashback has to pull a significant amount of weight since it’s what undergirds Nines’s relationship with Gavin -- the curiosity (what made me chase you) and the tenderness (what made me stay) both -- so it was very much a thing I had to think about a lot. In terms of the triaxial way that I like to conceptualize fics, it’s a dish that has to not only imbue the story with flavor, but address its core. Which means that the foremost consideration I have to keep in mind is:

This dish needs to echo its role in the narrative.

Here, the dish is what alerts Nines to the possibility that the things which most seem out of place may be able to contribute great value and beauty nonetheless; so this has to be a dish that chafes, in what it is and does. It has to sit uneasily with the occasion, the genteel safety of a pop-up showcase for chefs who don’t yet have the status or clout to be public contrarians.

Something that a lot of people still find distasteful is being confronted with where animal protein comes from. Because reminders of this often hinge around the use of odds-and-ends parts -- head, foot, organs -- at this stage, I’m pretty sure that the dish needs to include some part of some animal that a lot of (American, at least) diners would find to be aggressively visceral. Head, I decide, because the drama of it delights me.

This dish includes an animal head.

A pig’s head, maybe? A sheep’s head? At the same time, the dish is also Gavin’s general middle finger to the way that things are done, and an expression of how he sits uneasily within the tradition of fine dining. I want the dish to be angry at certain conventions within restaurant culture that Gavin might disagree with.

In its most conservative incarnations, “surf and turf” is a disgusting bourgeois display of food as symbol of wealth, as opposed to its myriad other potential purposes such as nourishment, community cohesion, artistic innovation, or cultural expression. You take two grossly overrated and overpriced cuts -- filet mignon and lobster tail -- and you plop them down on a plate next to each other because WHY? They don’t do anything FOR each other! It’s just a PLATTER OF TRASH FOR BANKERS TO IMPRESS EACH OTHER WITH. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Anyway, I figure that this kind of surf and turf might infuriate a chef whose M.O. is to make the most out of the least, to leave nothing behind. Also that was a little unfair to lobster tail, which is a fine piece of protein, if overhyped at the expense of the rest of the lobster. But filet mignon as steak can go fuck itself.

This dish is a fuck-you to classic surf and turf.

Now I need to decide on an animal head that might belong in a hot take on surf and turf! Another factor at play in the pop-up flashback is that it’s being hosted by a Japanese chef at a Japanese restaurant, where Gavin has been working and learning for a while now. Is that because a huge part of what I know and enjoy about food is East Asian? YES! LET ME LIVE!

The benefit of going with salmon head for the surf portion of the dish -- as opposed to using a head for the turf -- is that salmon head is easier and cheaper to source (even though ones as huge as described in the story can only really come from some kinds of salmon). It’s also an ingredient that Zabuton is likely to use on a regular basis, since it’s an established part of Japanese cuisine, giving Gavin familiarity with it and a starting point for building his dish. Also also, it’s really fatty, and since Gavin in this story is the kind of chef who gravitates towards blisteringly high heat, I like the thought of what burning the shit out of that head would do.

This dish includes salmon head.

What do I do about the turf? If the surf element and the turf element of the dish are to interact with each other in mutually beneficial ways, the turf can’t be too assertive; it shouldn’t overpower the salmon. Like, grilled flank steak? Great, yes, please, but maybe not the right choice for this.

Fortunately, steak tartare simultaneously tastes subtle enough and looks brutal enough to be a good counterpoint. In a lot of ways, it’s a productive mirror image of the salmon; it’s raw whereas the salmon is charred, it’s lean whereas the salmon is fatty. Nice!

This dish includes steak tartare.

I also do know -- again, from East Asian cooking -- that raw beef works well with salmon roe. Ikura echoes the salmon head that’s in the dish already, so in it goes. Some egg yolk to bind the tartare might not go amiss, especially since I want it to be a scoop-and-eat party-platter dish.

There’s brininess in the ikura and salt throughout, but because it’s essentially an ANIMAL PROTEIN BOMB dish, it needs something sharp to cut all the richness. In addition, everything so far has also been pretty soft; let’s add some elements of acidity and textural interest. Tartare loves a little mustard! Toss in the crackle of a puffed grain (why not millet, rice feels too fragile), the fiber of the chives, and the crunch of rakkyo (doing double duty with its vinegar).

This dish includes ikura, egg yolk, pickled mustard seed, puffed millet, chives, and rakkyo.

For a while I thought that the scoop on the side would be shrimp senbei, because that’s what “chips, but Zabuton” made me think. But I didn’t really love how delicate the senbei would be in this particular dish. It felt like the tartare and salmon would turn the senbei into, like, a thick paste in your mouth?? I was looking for something thinner, a lateral move from a potato chip-- so I tried to think of other ingredients on the root-tuber-rhizome continuum. What can be sliced thin and baked brittle?

I liked lotus root as a choice because it has the right snap, it’s light -- visually as well, with all its perforations! -- and it has more of a pronounced earthy flavor than potatoes, which seemed like a fun way to mix in some plant quality to offset all the animal. Lotus root it is!

This dish includes lotus root chips.

THE END, STEAK TARTARE ON A BED OF CHARGRILLED SALMON HEAD, GARNISHED WITH EGGS TWO WAYS, SERVED WITH LOTUS ROOT CHIPS ON THE SIDE

lmao WHAT A SELF-INDULGENT POST THIS IS, thank you anon for allowing me to talk shop, you are too sweet and I hope you regret what you have done. Additional thanks to tumblr for read-more cuts. Anon I love you! I can’t believe I’ve rambled on at this length about THE PROCESS OF COMING UP WITH A FAKE DISH FOR A FIC but also, I mean, I can believe it, in the sense that it is something I would jump at the chance to do. Thanks for giving me the chance to do it anon! May the wind be ever at your back and the sun shine upon your path!

#askbox #les mignardises #let me hear your fandom talk #detroit become human

[licenselesswriter]

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 41, 44. And if I could send more, I would.

Inspiration and Reading Asks:

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction? Started reading when I was 12, started writing it, when I was 14, so reading, 19 years ago, and writing 17 years ago.

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both? I’m a 33.3% reader, 33.3% WIP machine, a 33.4% writer, and 100% mess, I usually spend my time doing an absurd amount of WIP that comes out of thin air, like, I can be eating an apple, boom, Bori WIP, a cup of coffee? Boom, Roro WIP, breathing? Boom, Lucaya WIP (that last one happens the most)

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do? It’s called Unfaithful (EN), it’s on fanfiction.net, and honestly, it’s so well written, that I had nausea 3 times while reading it, the pain was so palpable that I felt ill from it.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now. Right now, and in order 1 - Unfaithful (EN)  2 - Twenty Nights  3 - Perfect 

6. How do you find a new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction? Fanfiction or AO3, and have an excel doc with my favorite ships, then I go to the random number generator, putting 1 as the minimum and maximum the number of the last ship I added to the list, then hit random, and read about that ship, keep things fresh.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics? Both.

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like? When they are on Tumblr, a few times.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community. I’m sorry, but I don’t know if they have Tumblr, so, amirmitchell, snowdrifts, and Onde Tu Esteves

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for? Fandom: Game of Thrones, love all those modern universe AU I have to say. Pairing: Lucaya (Not a surprise) Character: Lucas Friar, Portgas D. Ace, Roronoa Zoro, or Prince Zuko.

Fanfiction Writing Asks:

11. How do you come up with your fic titles? Coffee, food, and usually, Spotify, all that, sometimes, make my brain work into having titles about the things I want to write.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic? I do outlines, in 5 stages, so a pretty big one. 1 - I write in my notebook, what I want to write, like a general idea. 2 - Post it on my walls and door, to give the story some structure. 3 - Notebook outline the arch of the story. 4 - Outline every chapter on word. 5 - Reduce that chapter into mini arches to write faster.

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not? I do (now), I usually don’t post anything that is less than 2900 words, Why? because we must not forget that writers not only write for people in the fandom, they mainly write for themselves, and I love to read something among that word count because that’s long enough to keep me on the hook.

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching? I do research for my fics, how deep? I can give indications for divorce paperwork in the state of New York, even if you want or not to go scorch the earth with the “fault” rule, I can give an appropriate value to an apartment or a house in New York, Texas, Nashville, and San Francisco, and I can do taxes on those states too, and I know more about how high school classes work in the US than in my country, even when I went to those classes, and I’m from Santiago, Chile, you know, in South America, like, the last country of South America

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback? I don’t, once I finish writing something, I run away, and watch anime for a few hours, or work (Yeah, sometimes I write on my lunch hour)

18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie? I do apologize to “The Games we Play” I have no idea how I outlined your 26 chapters, but I’m still on chapter 2, and I’m sorry.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)? Sometimes I do because sometimes, I write things wrong.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process? That happiness I get when I’m in the Zone, and I write something that makes me say “Fuck, that was good”

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process? I call it “The Deep White”, also known as writer’s block.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write? I don’t write it anymore, because I was banned from a forum for writing it, but I love to write a bad ending, like “Killing the main character that I make you love for 30 chapters in the end” ending. I’m evil, I know, sue me.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write? The “Good girl trying to change the bad boy,” I hate, apologies, I DESPISE that trope, it’s not cool, first, to be with someone abusive, and second, to try to change someone because you think you’re so almighty that you will change him (or her)  because of love, bs, I SAID BS.

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist. I do, and of course, it’s named “Writing Shiet” because my brain can only process decent titles for fics (Says the guy who once named a fic “No Title”) Here’s the link 

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing? Anime and Manga.

27. Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random? I don’t usually do it, but when I do it, I do it cryptic, like “You might be surprised, but this, I called in the beginning.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)? I ignore it, If I can ignore good advice, ignore something that gives me more stress it’s an easy cake.

29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)? Did you enjoy it? I did but didn’t submit, I wrote for 2019 fictoberfest on Tumblr, but never send a shit, I did enjoy it tho

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words. "Well, we're still not in Texas," he says, implying something not PG-13 at all. "My God, in what did I turn you?" Maya teases him before getting up and grab his hand, pulling him up. Lucas grins at her, "On," he replies, making Maya flirty hit his chest

31. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones? I love writing Lucas and Maya, and honestly don’t know if it helps me or not LOL.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from? 1 - From November to June CH3 A few hours later, Maya heard a knock on her door. She takes a peek through the magic eye on her door and saw Lucas. She grabs her phone and fastly texts him. She was able to hear the 'ding' of his phone, and spying through the magic eye she saw his reaction. "Ok, first of all, I'm not that, second, my mother is not that, and third, I'm not gonna put that there, that's fucking gross, and probably deadly if you consider the size of my hands." he defends himself. 2 - Ten Duel Commandments CH2 Maya smiles at him, "Since you're all Texan cowboy goody-good boy, I imagine you would relate more with the honorable Lord Stark," she teases him. "Says the woman who read three books in a row and texts me at four in the morning," he replies before pulling out his phone, "R+L=J," he teases her, reading her text. "That's private, asshole," Maya recriminates him. 3 - The One Who Stayed CH18 "Then, I have less... GET OFF ME FUCKER!" Maya screamed, punching the person who grabbed her arm, "Holy shit, Lucas." she says, looking at the person she just hit. "Noted, never approach to you by surprise." Lucas says on the floor, "Well, this makes me feel more confident about you being here alone." he says before start laughing.

33. What do you like writing better: one-shots or multi-chapter stuff? Multi-chapter, unless, it’s wedding fics because I love weddings.

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is? None.

35. How much has writing fic changed your life? Not much, but has made me happier.

36. Are there any fics or fandoms you’re embarrassed to have written or been part of? The Glee Project Fandom.

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you don’t have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write. "Shawn called him, and he assures him that if you try something inappropriate, he has a shotgun," she adds, making Lucas's face go pale. "Well, guess like father, like son," he comments, making Maya show unexpected interest in his words.

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)? As I explained in the outline question, pretty tame if we count that I have my outline process numbered LOL.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on? That I try to make it real, I try to make people feel something when they read.

41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on Tumblr, most hits/kudos on ao3)? Tumblr? The One Who Stayed Fanfiction.net? Ten Duel Commandments

44. Rant about something writing-related. Please, let’s stop glorifying the “Bad Boy” character, he’s an asshole, allow me to explain, Bakugo, fucking asshole, he’s just a bully with an oversized ego, no, he’s not a tsundere, no, it’s not cute, that shit is abusive, and it really makes me want to punch people in their nose when the romanticize that bullshit.

Done

(Told ya I was bored)

#Licenseless Answers

[writing-with-olive]

Ways to start writing every day

I’ve been writing for a few years now, and early on, I would write for a few days at a time, and then I’d abandon my work for months at a time and not write. During the beginnings of Project Toxin, my main WIP, I went three months without writing a word. And while missing a day or two is okay, especially if you’ve got mental health stuff that day (do not ignore your mental health), at least for me, there was this guilt that would grow worse and worse when I wasn’t writing. Somehow, that made it harder to write. There was a sense of “well I’ve screwed up by not writing, and I know I should be writing, but it’s not worth it now.” Which, by the way, is flawed reasoning. Below are some tips that I’ve discovered are useful to write every day, or at least 30 days of the month.

Coming out of writers block

1) Watch videos or listen to podcasts with writing advice.

I’ve found this effective because there’s that sense of “oh, I want to try that.” You’re not actually forcing yourself to write at this exact moment, and even if that seems counterproductive, it does take some of the stress off. Think about it; writing a book is frequently described as running a literary marathon. You can’t just jump up from the couch one day and go do it. You’ve got to get into the right mindset, and you have to be ready to do it. Seeking out inspiration is one of those steps to get you back into it. 

2) Open up your writing document/notebook and read the last chapter

You don’t have to write, but open up your WIP and just read the stuff at the end, or if you’ve got the time/willpower for it, read the whole thing. A lot of times, procrastination - and writer’s block - is the fear or aversion to starting. It’s that first step that’s hard. So make it easier on yourself. Make the first step as approachable as you can. It might feel like you need to be strict with yourself, but going back to writing after writer’s block is all about easing back into it.

3) Do a writing sprint about your story

Set a timer for however long you like: five minutes, seven, ten, fifteen, twenty. Then during that time, write about your story. Things you like, don’t like. Why you haven’t been writing. Don’t stop. Don’t filter yourself. A lot of times, writer’s block is filled with a distructive sense of guilt - a distructive sense of “I need to be writing but I can’t so I won’t.” Getting all of these feelings on paper can help you distance yourself from those thoughts and put things into better perspective. The writing about your story itself can also give you new ideas about where you want to go, and where you feel like you’ve been. If you don’t have a WIP, then you can write about stories that you want to write. Or ideas that you think are cool.

Sticking with writing

1) Set up a reward/negative outcome system for writing

People tend to fall into one of two catagories: people who are motivated by reward, and people who are motivated by punishment. For me personally, I’m easily motivated by reward, but punishment never really makes that big of an impact. I also know people who are the other way around. Think about your past life experience, and think about what’s more motivating to you. 

If you’re a reward motivated person, come up with rewards that you get for doing certain amounts of writing. Maybe you get to watch an extra episode of your favorite show if you get your daily wordcount. Maybe achievement in a day is cumulative; for every x number of words, you get another ten minutes of your favorite video game. If you don’t think that you’re going to be able to follow through (ie you think that yo’re going to be prone to grabbing the reward anyway regardless of your writing), let a friend or partner or sibling know what’s going on; maybe have them take away whatever thing it is until you’ve completed your goal. Make the thing a legitimate reward.

If you’re a punishment motivated person, think about things that you enjoy. Those things are now going to be taken away if you don’t write enough. Maybe you enjoy it when your partner gives you a shoulder massage. If you don’t write, you don’t get a shoulder massage. Make sure that whatever thing is on the line is not going to negatively affect your mental health. Don’t take away things like food in general (though taking away a specific type is fine), water, sleep or physical activity. If you don’t write enough and you don’t let yourself have these things, it’s only going to keep you from writing more.

2) Celebrate your wins and successes

If you’ve passed a writing milestone, celebrate. It can be big, but it doesn’t have to be. Acknowleging that you’ve completed something can be enough. It shows that you’re getting somewhere, and sometimes progress itself can be good inspiration.

3) Make sure you’ve got a setup that works for you

Some people need to write at the same time every day. Other people just need a certain location and a cup of tea. Others need certain sounds or levels of organization. Figure out what works for you, and set that up. This might also include what processer you prefer writing with. Make sure you’ve got the setup that helps you write the most successfully, and that puts you into a positive mindset.

4) Seek out inspiration

Inspiration is great for writers, but it’s not always reliable when it will hit you. So seek it out. Are there specific types of videos or images that get you into your story? Are there places where you like to stop and hang out? Books or shows that get your gears turning? Many people also say they have their best ideas on their commutes or in their shower, and this is because you’re most creative when you’re relaxed. When you’re commuting or taking a shower, you’re more relaxed in general, allowing this sort of inspiration to appear seemingly out of nowhere.

+++++++

So what might this look like?

For me, I’m a person who’s not in the middle of writer’s block, so I would skip to the second section. I’ve discovered that I’m more reward oriented, so I focus on setting up things to work toward, rather than things to work away from. I use a site called 4thewords.com, which is a site that gamifies writing, where the goal is to defeat monsters by writing words. The reward I get is the satisfaction that comes from defeating monsters and finishing quests. I celebrate a lot of my successes by talking to my family about them (they’re supportive), posting about it here on tumblr, and letting myself play extra rounds of video games. The setup that works for me is whenever I get a chance, I grab my laptop, turn on some music, and write on 4thewords. For inspiration I look for how-to videos and I do things that let my mind wander. Overall, I haven’t missed more than two days in the last four or five months.

note: if you want to join 4thewords, you can use this referral (my username is quinn-erto): S2XSR15522

#writing #writing on tumblr #writeblr #writing tips #writing advice #writers block #how to combat writer's block #how to keep writing every day #writing every day #overcoming writer's block #olive's writing vibes

[meta-squash]

Your ADHD procrastination post has really stroke a nerve with me. I've had the same issue for years, but thought it's normal for everyone. Since about a year or so, I've been wondering if I may have an undiagnosed ADHD along diagnosed conditions. If it's not too personal, how else ADHD manifests in you? I hope it's okay to ask. I love hearing women's stories about ADHD because they are much different than the stereotypical image of it...

It’s not too personal! (FYI I go by they/them pronouns, but I am afab; it’s all good though!) Also, this got VERY long, I’m sorry! I’m verbose and have a lot to say, apparently.

So I personally have a weird relationship with ADHD. I was diagnosed with it (or some sort of attention deficit thing) when I was in like 3rd or 4th grade. I was briefly medicated but I think I was on Ritalin (I forget) and my child body couldn’t handle it; I was a zombie during the day and then when it wore off at night I was Evil and freaked out and wanted to fight everything. So I went off it pretty quick and didn’t get medicated after, presumably because my parents thought my ADHD wasn’t bad enough.

The reason they probably thought that is because my brother has Really Bad ADHD. Like, all the classic stereotypical symptoms and characteristics to the extreme: never shuts the fuck up, really damn loud all the time, extremely high energy, can learn pretty much anything in about 5 seconds but can’t actually hang on to an interest really (now that he’s an adult he can, but not as a kid), can’t sit still or pay attention in class, doesn’t finish homework, etc etc. I was able to mask mine and function enough to get through school just riding pretty much on my humanities grades alone. It sucked a lot but I somehow did it. I had an IEP (Individual Education Plan, which is a US school thing for kids with learning disabilities and such that allows for accommodations and assistance in school) but it didn’t do much except I think give me extra time on math tests because of my dyscalculia (I was in Special Ed Math my whole grade school career). My mother is an OT but I also think that (as you said) ADHD in afab people often manifests differently than in amab people, so I guess my parents just didn’t know what to look for and that’s why I never really got the same help as my brother.

I like to jokingly categorize ADHD into two distinct but overlapping types: Fast ADHD and Mush Brain ADHD. Fast ADHD (in my opinion; this may vary from person to person) is the classic stereotype symptoms. Fast ADHD’s focus problem is too much happening all at once. Lots of thoughts and ideas flying by and you get distracted mid-thought with another thought, or your train of thought gets really crazy but is super fast so your reply to someone’s comment might not make much sense to anyone else because they weren’t privy to your brain’s journey, or you go down a focus worm-hole and sit and do One Thing all day and forget to surface for things like food/water/bathroom. Fast ADHD has more energy (though when paired with depression that usually manifests as restlessness or anxiety) and is quicker to pick up new things. Mush Brain ADHD is kind of the opposite. Thoughts take longer, or you think of something and then it almost immediately disappears (for example, scrolling a website, seeing something that you want to google, you scroll for like 5 more seconds and think “wait, I completely forget what I was going to look up”). With Mush Brain ADHD it’s harder to have conversations because thought-to-mouth time is slower, rather than (with Fast Brain) lots of stuff is going on up there. Mush Brain often feels like, well, mush and like you can’t really form thoughts very well if you want to do stuff. It’s like you’re trying to focus on thinking a thought but it just slides away. Another way I’d describe it is having thoughts but it’s like they’re on a blackboard and they’re being erased as you think them, so they end up mostly smears. Obviously, this is just based on my own experiences as a Mush Brain ADHD person while my brother has Fast Brain ADHD, so this might be different for other people.

Both have lots of overlaps: executive dysfunction (that’s the big one), insomnia, auditory processing problems, hyperfixation (which is not a bad thing! I love my hyperfixations! They’re fun!), absolutely crap organizational skills, constantly losing things, really bad perception of time, detachment from the world (like you drift off into your own daydream, or things feel distant, but not quite the same as depersonalization/dissociating),  difficulty making choices, sensory processing disorder, crap abilities with money, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and often comorbid mental illnesses like depression, OCD, anxiety, dyscalculia/dyslexia, etc.

 Oh, and a lot of ADHD characteristics also overlap with depression characteristics (and a lot of people with ADHD have comorbid depression, so it really doesn’t help).

But I can tell you about my own experiences with some of these.

The Big One which is basically what that schrodingers motivation post is about, is executive dysfunction. People also call it procrastination (it only kind of is) or inertia. Basically, executive dysfunction is where the difficulty lies in starting the task. You want to do something, but you just can’t get going to do it. You get sort of paralyzed. It even happens with things you like. For example, when I made that post, there was a short (just over 100 pgs) book I wanted to read before the end of the day. It’s a good book! It’s on my reading list! I want to read it! But I just sat on my computer and watched dumb youtube videos because that’s what I was already doing and executive dysfunction makes starting tasks really hard. This happens to me a lot. It can happen with reading a book, or getting up to go to the store and buy groceries, or making a meal, or watching a movie. The movie-watching one happens to me a lot. Basically it’s the brain struggling to switch tasks; you’re scrolling tumblr, and that’s what your brain is focused on, and it doesn’t know how to switch from doing that to doing your bio homework or folding the laundry or whatever the task may be. This happens with “bigger” or more complex tasks too, like starting an art project or starting a new book, because your brain has to figure out all the components of that task (I need these items for my project and this amount of time and I need to use them in this order) which is overwhelming, or it needs to comprehend how “big” the task is (how much time/concentration should I try and commit to in order to read this book) which is sometimes hard to gauge. Oh, also this can happen if you’re interrupted in the middle of a task, whether it’s to do another thing or just to answer a question or something; it’s hard to get back to it because it’s another kind of switching tasks. Aside from the blackboard-being-wiped-thoughts, this is my biggest ADHD problem. I can go more into how I dealt with executive dysfunction in college and now if you want!

Auditory processing issues is another thing that I deal with, although to a lesser extent than some people. It just means it’s harder for your brain to process sounds/talking. Part of this, for me, is because if someone is talking to me but there’s other noises (music, other conversations, general loudish ambiance) going on around us, my brain treats them all as equally important and I can’t focus in on the person talking. Another part for me is in my experience I seem to process conversation different from explanation. If I’m talking back and forth with someone about something and it’s not terribly important, I’m fine. If they’re trying to explain something to me, give me instructions, or read a passage of text to me, it just does not stick in my brain. If I’m helping my best friend with her grad school applications, I have to read the sentence she’s asking me check, I can’t have her read it to me. If she does read it to me, I’ve realized that I try to imagine the words as text in my head so I comprehend it better (it doesn’t always work). Auditory processing issues means that a lot of my conversations in public with people who are not my close friends (and therefore easier to pick out from the noise because familiar and/or easier to predict because familiar) are filled with a lot of me going “what?” Retail conversations with customers are slightly easier because there’s at least a mild “script” that they’ll stick to, usually.

Another one I experience is organizational problems. This one was bad enough that I actually went to a tutor-like thing to help me with it for most of grade school. Basically, I had no ability to organize tasks like doing homework or other activities, so things would get forgotten/lost/never even written in the calendar/etc. I couldn’t do projects because I couldn’t (and still kinda can’t) organize far enough into the future. I didn’t know how to break the project down across multiple days or weeks and make it manageable without totally forgetting pieces of it. I’d forget to write down homework when the teacher wrote it on the board, or I’d write it down but forget to do it. Or I’d do it but misplace it or leave it at home. My perception of time was also really crap; I couldn’t read an analogue clock until I was in maybe 6th grade? Even now I sometimes have trouble. It was hard to know how much time I had to allot to certain projects because I didn’t really have good perception of how hours fit in the day and how much time until homework is due and stuff. (Which meant lots of finishing things in class minutes before I had to turn it in and stuff. Once in uni I completely forgot to do an Entire Essay; luckily it wasn’t a class I needed to graduate.)

Along with this is losing EVERYTHING. I misplace things CONSTANTLY. I’ll put something that’s in my hand down to get a cup of tea or something, or even just to like, move a blanket, and I’ll forget where I put it. I’ve solved this problem with Important Things (wallet, phone, and keys always go next to my bed, for example, and rarely move from there if they’re not in my pocket. All important papers go in my Important Papers Folder as soon as soon as possible) but I lose regular stuff all the time. I’ll be working on an art project, I’ll put my glue stick down to reach for a piece of paper, and lose the glue stick in the time it takes to pull the paper towards me. The other day I was brushing my teeth and I put the toothbrush cover down to say hello to the cat and forgot where I had put it down once I had followed her to the next room. When things have a Place it’s easier, but I’ve learned to live with going “Where the FUCK did I put this thing? I had it a second ago!” at least once a day.

The “Mush” in “Mush Brain” is another big one for me. I don’t know if this has, like, a name? Or anything? It’s just what I call it. The best description for it would either be that blackboard description from above, or like you’re struggling to get to a thought through a lot of mud. Oftentimes I’ll have a sort of concept of a thought but not something full, and I know it’s there, but I can’t get to it. This is really apparent when I’m trying to remember a synonym for something, or trying to elaborate on certain concepts or pull ideas from texts. It doesn’t happen all the time. I was an English lit major in uni, so this affected me a lot back then. It’s sort of a similar feeling to reading the same sentence over and over and not registering the words, except it’s in your own brain instead. This kind of goes away for me when I’m writing/typing. Writing this out is easy (minus me forgetting the word executive dysfunction for like 5 minutes) but if you were asking me to explain this aloud I would struggle, probably. This is probably because I can stare at what I’ve written to see what’s missing or edit my thoughts, which I can’t do while I’m speaking, and also can’t do to other people’s interactions with me.

Just a general inability to focus is also one I struggle with. It goes with the “mush brain” to an extent but I think it’s different. It’s more like my brain doesn’t want to, well, focus on anything. If I’m just messing around on my laptop, that means I end up clicking back and forth between tabs endlessly because nothing is holding my interest. If I’m trying to read or do anything “intellectual” or “academic” it means I just can’t get myself to read or I can’t keep my thoughts on what I’m trying to write no matter how hard I try. Nothing holds my interest for long enough, it’s like brain restlessness. I try and concentrate on doing something, watching something, reading something, and my brain just slides away from it.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is something I experience on a more minor level. It’s something that also overlaps with anxiety and depression. Basically, it’s a really intense emotional reaction to (perceived) rejection. For example, if my best friend says something to me with a certain tone or gets mad at me for doing something minor, my brain just goes “She hates you! She doesn’t want to be friends with you! You should isolate in your room and never speak to anyone again because you’re so annoying and terrible!” I know that’s mostly incorrect (although I also know I’m quite annoying and that’s another ADHD characteristic; knowing you’re annoying someone in some way and having no idea how to stop) so I can fight it but sometimes I do end up holing up in my room for a little bit. Things like criticism (whether towards you or towards, like, an essay or something) can also trigger this reaction. So can things like having an expectation that you’ll be good at something, and then failing at it or just not being as good as you’d hoped. (I developed a sort of defense mechanism for this one of never expecting to be good at things and never expect higher than a C in a class.) It also can come with a sense of feeling inferior around people doing similar things. It happens to me a lot here on tumblr, actually, because I’ll write a meta about something, and then read someone else’s good meta on the same thing, and feel like I’m an idiot and they’re really smart and nothing that I wrote was insightful or good. It happened to me in uni a lot too. It also happens to me kind of...secondhand, now. What I mean is, my best friend/roommate is extremely smart. Like genuinely one of the smartest people I know and an incredible thinker, straight A’s at uni in a degree she created, etc. She still gets imposter syndrome herself and feels like she’s not smart, and when she says she’s not smart, I feel bad for her but I also feel really terrible about myself, because if she thinks she’s stupid, then what am I? But again, it’s an overreaction to perceived rejection. It still sucks though.

There’s some evidence that ADHD comes with a whacked out sleep schedule. And not just insomnia (although that too, I know this because it’s 7am and I haven’t slept yet lol), but also Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. Which basically means that most people’s circadian rhythms start slowing down so they’ll go to sleep around like 11pm-1am-ish, give or take. ADHD circadian rhythms are shifted so often we start getting tired around 3am or even 4 or 5am. (This is different from insomnia, btw, with DSPD you can fall asleep fairly easily, you just get tired later in the night; with insomnia it’s an inability to or difficulty in falling asleep quickly.) I always thought I’d just gotten my dad’s night owl genes, but it’s more likely that it’s the ADHD. I also have at least mild insomnia and it takes me a million years to fall asleep a lot of the time.

Hyperfixations are the Fun part of having ADHD (in my opinion). They can get in the way sometimes but they’re also really comforting and nice. Hyperfixations happen when you find an interest and it’s basically all you want to think or talk about, and you relate to the world through it, and you want to learn everything about it. It’s also a characteristic of autism. I’m not autistic, so I don’t know if there are major differences between ADHD hyperfixation experiences and autism ones. Anyway, often hyperfixations stick with you for a good amount of time, depending on the strength, and then you might find something else to focus on. Some of my hyperfixations have lasted a few months, some up to 4 years. A lot of ADHD people rotate through the same or similar ones. For example, a hyperfixation I had back in 2011-2014/15ish was Les Miserables. I then found a different thing to hyperfixate on. This past year I have returned to Les Mis. Hyperfixations are usually pretty cool, because it’s usually something you really like and enjoy learning about or doing and it’s kind of like the thing your brain would rather be doing/focusing on.

Personally, I’ve lived so long without ADHD medication that I’m fairly functional without it just due to coming up with personal adaptations and stuff. The thing that I have the hardest time with/that upsets me the most is the Mush Brain part, which also gets worse when my depression gets worse. I really would love to have clear, quick thoughts whenever I want. It’s frustrating to hold a conversation or try to write creatively and quickly when it takes forever for thoughts to fully crystallize in my brain and then come out my mouth or fingers. Right now I don’t have very good health insurance (all blame to covid layoffs) so I can’t really do the meds thing but I often wish I could. My ADHD is definitely not as intense or severe as some people’s. I have friends, and also my brother, who struggle a lot more than I do, and with different things

Holy hell this was so long. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! Or if you want me to elaborate on some of the things I do to deal with stuff.

#asks #squash rambles #wow i'm so sorry #as an adhd person i know that is a lot of text to read #i'm too verbose for my own disorder lol #seronility #adhd

[larrylemonice]

L + Sy + 2020

Yeah, I made a tumblr for this. Twitter is my jam, but I’m not posting it there.

This is about L + Sy + July/December 2020.  Also, a bit about 1D + July/December 2020.

Originally Posted May 26, 2020. 

Updates (marked in post): May 27, 2020. June 5, 2020. June 12, 2020.

I have some resources that can be useful with this kind of research, but they didn’t turn up as much as I can typically expect. There’s a reason for that.

Anyway, with July approaching (and what that might mean), I needed to put the timelines, organized notes and my thoughts somewhere.

KEY: Si refers to the person (talent show judge) Sy refers to his company L refers to that beautiful, talented human we love.

Sy background: Sy was originally owned totally by Si. That changed in 2010, when Sy became a joint venture with Sony (since 2010: Si owns half of Sy, and Sony owns the other half). Sy, as a joint venture with Sony, will exist through at least 2021 (the latest extension of the partnership, through 2021, was announced back in 2016). 

[June 12, 2020 update: Sy and Sony’s partnership ends Mar. 31, 2021. if not renewed, Sony has the right to buy out Sy. Uncertain if this would happen though, as the financial would need to make sense (and would incl. Si’s tv shows]

L’s history with Sy:

Late 2015:

L creates an imprint label w/ Sy. This was his only option to do so, due to the then-active 1D Sy contract. Any move at the time had to be with Sy. Therefore, zero negotiating power.

L’s imprint label was officially registered in late 2015, right before 1D’s contract with Sy ended. While the other guys escaped, Sy sold L on the idea of creating a label. And that imprint label? It was never used. But L now belonged to Sy.

2016: L’s Just Hold On single is released through Ultra Music, a Sony company. Sy promotes the single.

Summer 2017: L goes direct with Sy. Essentially, signing to Sy without L’s imprint label involved. It can be assumed this was the only option, given whatever was signed in 2015. 

All details of the 2017 direct sign have been hidden. Normally, it’s the type of thing a company would push PR for. Sy only shared details with one publication: The Sun. If you don’t know, The Sun is a joke that lives in mgmt’s pocket. In their “exclusive” story, “L” gives them positive quotes about the deal: “I’m very happy... I’m excited to be continuing my relationship with Sy.” okay. brb. gotta laugh. L didn’t say that. 

So what about other publications’ coverage of the signing? Well, they could only quote The Sun.

A couple weeks later: L signs a solo contract with Epic (a Sony company), via Sy.

2019: L signs a solo contract with Arista (a Sony company), via Sy.

Solo contracts are often 1 year, and can be renewed for various lengths. Usually a set amount of work is expected during that period, though many things can influence that requirement. So, though L has to remain within Sony because of Sy, those dates for the two solo contracts appear normal by industry standards.

But what about the contract with Sy? The one that has ties back to 2015, when L had no choice? It’s not known when that relationship will legally end. Sy has protected that info, and L can’t talk about it.

Guesses:

5 years... from 2015? So late 2020?

3 years... from the 2017 direct sign? That could mean summer 2020. ^^ both random guesses that end in 2020 because I need that.

If Sy, as a Sony joint venture company, expires in early 2021? (especially if So buys out Si).

After a set number of albums? It’s more likely it would be a set period, wherein a certain amount of work is expected. What that means could get messy, depending on the contract terms.This could be in addition to any of the above guesses.

Something else entirely.

[June 5, 2020 update: Around June 4, a rumor circulated on social that L’s Sy contract would end on June 7, 2020. While that could be true for other reasons (see full tumblr post), the basis of the new rumor is likely false. The rumor appears to claim that L signed an 18-month contract in June 2017, then renewed with a new 18-month contract in December 2018 - and that would end in June 2020. We don’t know L’s Sy contract term, so where is the 18-month claim from? I traced it to a Metro article misquote of the aforementioned “exclusive” The Sun article. The Sun said, “he just signed a solo record deal with Si’s Sy label, 18 months after the band went on their long-term hiatus.”  Then Metro, sourcing only the Sun in their article, said, “L has signed an 18-month record contract with Si...”.  So the rumor seems to run with the idea of 18 months and multiply it by 2. Hey, I spend half my life clowning, so I get it. If there is legitimate information to back the rumor, please let me know via Twitter.]

What does this mean for L’s freedom as a human being?

Let’s assume it's similar to the Sy 1D contract --- or the contract of any artist that has been under Sy. Artists have spoken out about the harsh image control and image exploitation. We know those stories. I don’t know why L’s contract would be any different. And from recent years, we know he’s been controlled in various ways. 

What does it mean for July 23?

First, 1D: I see a lot about 1D, and how they have a contract ending July 23, 2020... 10 years after they formed as a group on The X-Factor. I talk about it too. This assumes they signed a 10-year contract. But…

I can’t find anything on that (in terms of legit sourced information). Nothing. Am I missing something? Like, is everyone referring to only the anniversary date (and no contract), and I’m just confused? Given the context on twitter, I get the vibe other people were also thinking a contract ends July 23. Let me know. SO looking into a potential decade-long 1D contract…

If there’s nothing official out there, it’s possible this idea came from a contract length standard with Si’s talent show contracts. I can’t find anything legit relating to an X-Factor contract (other than a partially leaked contestant contract from 2013 that only talks about being on the show… not what’s after).

But there is some info on Si’s other talent show:

Years before Sy became a joint venture with Sony, Si/Sy created the X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent (Got Talent was created following the success of X-Factor).

Let’s assume these two show contracts are very similar. You can find online discussions about Got Talent contestants having to sign with Sy for 10 years. It’s unclear if that begins at the time of the first contract (required early in the show process) or a reported later contract that’s required if a contestant makes it to the semi-finals. So, 1D formed on July 23, but… when was a defined term signed? 

[May 27, 2020 update: twitter feedback is that many people have heard a reported 10 year would end Dec. 2020. While there’s no sourced info for this, it makes a lot of sense. 1D would have signed the semi-final contract in Dec. 2010.]

Okay but… aren’t the boys out of their Sy contract? Well, in one sense, definitely yes. Reports say 1D + Sy ended in 2015. We know that. And with the exception of trapped L, they went on to do their own thing without Sy.

So what’s with the 10-year talk? I read some older rumor/speculation articles that 1D might have an “option” contract with Sy that stems from the show (apparently, these are common with talent shows). An option contract could force 1D to remain with Sy, even after the initial/official contract ends. This is crazy to me. Google “music option contract” or similar to read about it.

Additionally, there is a rumored contract clause that allowed the guys to do solos after the initial/official contract ended in 2015. Again, this bit is speculation from the interweb. But I wanted to include it, as it fits with both the 2015 and 2020 narratives. There could be option periods Sy is enacting through July or December 2020, which restrict the guys as a group.

Potential reunion options, if a 10-yr contract ends in December: 

If the contract ends in December, the guys could still join in some way before then without involving Sy. A contract can’t stop them from interacting. However, from looking at Sy’s Got Talent contracts, the guys likely couldn’t sing 1D songs or represent as 1D, and definitely couldn’t use 1D social channels, etc. 

Or: they might be okay involving Sy for a 1D-branded reunion? if it doesn’t extend contracts or anything. I don’t love this for them, but can see them doing it for the fans.

Back to L:

Let’s say the guys wait until after 1D+Sy ends to reunite (whether that be July, December, etc). I think L would be able to participate in a reunion, even if tied to Sy individually. I mean, the guys are talking about a reunion. Sy can likely only control L as an individual, not as a member of 1D.

But what about L’s individual freedom, particularly as it relates to image? If under a Sy contract during the reunion, that could likely be controlled.

What’s it mean for Larry?

Above all, I’ll say I support them individually first. This post is about L (and all the guys, really), and how Sy trapped L back when he was already trapped.

But I am a Larrie (obviously). Like a zero-doubt Larrie. I absolutely believe there is a real history there that was forced to be hidden.

I do see tweets about Larry coming out on July 23. I just don’t think that will happen--- even if Larry is together and L gained freedom on that date.

Sy has done so much damage to L. I feel like the Fine Line track speaks to that. And probably a dozen other solo + 1D songs. Just been listening to Fine Line all day, so on my mind.

Anyway, think of how much “story” will need to be unraveled. Even after contracts end, L still can’t speak about Sy. He can’t say something like, “so and so wasn’t real, but so and so was, and now I’m telling the world because I can.” For legal reasons, it’d need to be handled delicately.

Not even talking about Larry – I actually think it’s much bigger than that, especially for L as an individual and his career – it pisses me off to think that anyone’s image – whether past, present or both – could be controlled. That would wreck someone’s mental health.

In conclusion (I guess I’m writing an essay now), I’m excited that a reunion of some sort is probable at some point this year… I’m just… worried about L and the length of the Sy contract. Sy keeps getting away with traps on traps on traps.

The end, LarryLemonIce

Shout-out to everyone that provided feedback/info/thoughts on Twitter. Really helpful!

#larry af #larry is real #larrie