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lovelyalyssa · 6 months

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As a cancer survivor this hit HARD 😩😭 it was so good tho

A/N: it’s my first time writing this much angst, I hope you like it. It’s sad. No Happy End.

Please feedback?🥺❤️

Written in the stars

Summary: Steve always loved you. And he’d always love you, in health…and in sickness. Till your forever would end. You two only hoped it wouldn’t happen so soon,

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, cancer, angst, angst, angst, fluff, but it’s sad

You and Steve met 6 years ago, literally bumping into each other on the streets. He had spilled his coffee over your white shirt-yes, very Rom-com cliché. He gave you his hoodie to wear, and his number in case you’d like to call him…

You did.

After six months of pinning, meeting the avengers and a lot of teasing you were together. A perfect, happy couple.

Steve had realized he loved you very quickly into your friendship-two months after meeting you, you had invited him over (not for the first time), but this time you wanted to show him something. Something that you loved. A little hobby and passion of yours.

Stargazing.

While you were laying on the blanket, covered with another one, your gaze was glued to the sky-while Steve had only eyes for you. He couldn’t stop looking at you. Your eyes were so sparkly and pretty…your pretty lips so rosy and soft looking…and the smile creeping over your face whenever you saw a shooting star.

“Oh Steve look! The Coma Berenices…”, your voice brought him out of his thoughts, quickly looking to the sky. “It’s really pretty…”, he mumbled, once again letting his gaze slide to you. “Beautiful even….”

He put his arm around you “come here, little star, have it comfortable”, he laughed gently in your hair, pulling the blanket higher.

You had spent many hours just stargazing. After a while you had put your head on his chest, cuddling him closer, since it was a bit cold. Well, you had the blanket, which was technically enough, but….but you really wanted to cuddle him. And he enjoyed it as much as you did.

When you fell asleep on his chest, talking about the stars and how much you loved watching them. He had known about a few of your hobbies-but you’ve never talked with so much passion about something. It made his heartbeat fasten.

In this new world people didn’t show their feelings or love for other stuff than technology-internet, YouTube or Netflix. Everything was always about social media-and he was an old fashioned man. Don’t get him wrong, technology was great but he enjoyed the simple things. Like sketching or…or just stargazing.

He fell in love.

What he didn’t know was that you had also fallen for him that day.

Steve had asked you if you wanted him as your boyfriend-which was sweet. He didn’t ask you to be his girlfriend. He asked you to be yours.

And he did it again. Three years later.

He asked you if you’d let him be your husband. Be the one at your side for the rest of your life. Be your forever.

But you didn’t know that forever would end so soon.

Five years into your relationship you got married. It was a small ceremony, with Natasha being on your side, while Steve had Bucky standing behind him.

Steve cried. (You did too.)

Natasha said she didn’t cry. (She totally did.)

Bucky cried openly, seeing his best friend-that one that got beaten up in alleys twice a week-getting married.

One year after your marriage you got diagnosed.

You were taken to a hospital, after passing out while shopping with Natasha. She was supposed to help you find a pretty dress for your anniversary.

You tried on a dress, spinning around and needing to sit down after that. Moments later you lost consciousness.

Cancer.

Terminal cancer, to be specific.

You were completely surprised with this diagnosis-shocked, actually. It came out of the blue. Well, you were a bit more tired lately, slept more and had trouble with your appetite. You were often exhausted by doing very simple things, like walking down the stair-lately even carrying the laundry was difficult.

Maybe you should’ve seen it coming?

Steve spent the next hours with you, just holding you in a tight hug.

Needing it as much as you did.

Maybe even more than you.

Definitely more than you.

In the evening he had to leave you, since he wasn’t allowed to spend the night in the hospital. (He tried the Captain America card. Didn’t work. Stupid people. His wife was dying and he wasn’t allowed to be with her.)

He spent the night in Bucky's room, not being able to be alone.

He cried.

Hours passed and he was still crying.

Until he fell asleep.

Three months passed and you felt weaker every day. Steve stopped going on missions to be with you-he didn’t tell you that, but you knew. You knew why he was doing this.

He wanted to spend more time with you. The last days, weeks….as long as you had left. Which probably wasn’t that long anymore. You could tell it wouldn’t take long.

Steve knew it too. He could hear your weak heartbeat. Your heavy breathing…

You slept a lot-making him nervous Every Time you went to sleep or napped. He was scared you wouldn’t wake up one time, which made him scared of falling asleep himself.

Steve gave you a gentle kiss, walking past the couch on which you were sitting. “Hungry, sweetheart?”, he asked, putting his hands on your shoulders and squeezing gently. A small smile crept over your face, while you put your head in your neck and looked up at him. Your eyes seemed so sad…slowly losing their sparkle.

“I could eat”, you mumbled. “Okay, I’ll make you…something that I won’t burn”, he grinned, giving you another kiss. It made you laugh quietly too. He really was a bad cook, always burning everything-but with the many tutorials (and JARVIS’ reminder to check the food) he managed to make decent meals. Even really good ones.

Even Bucky ate with you two once, praising the food, thinking you had cooked. He didn’t believe it, when you two told him the truth. You remember the red blush on his cheeks hearing the praise.

Twenty minutes later Steve sat down next to you, two bowls in his hands, one for you, the other for himself, clearly a much bigger portion. “I think it’s not salty enough-but I’m not sure”, he mumbled, looking at you and waiting for a reaction.

After eating a bite you shook your head quickly. “It’s really good. I like it”, you mumbled, slowly leaning your head against his shoulder. Enjoying the warmth radiating from his body.

If someone had asked you ten years ago, If you wanted to die you'd say yes.

If someone had asked you, If you were afraid of dying you’d say no. Back then, you didn’t care. You didn’t feel like life was worth living. Always working, being stressed and not being able to sleep from all the coffee you were drinking, to staying awake at work. You often had enough, just needing to scream into your pillow to let out your frustrations.

You hadn’t really appreciated life. You hadn’t found your reason to love life.

Until meeting this gorgeous, sweet man.

He made life worth living. You loved every second you spent with him.

Now you are scared. You didn’t want to die. Not when you had your whole life with Steve before you.

A single tear rolled down your cheek. You didn’t want to leave Steve behind. He didn’t deserve it.

While Steve had made your life worth living, the same happened to him. Having met you, he finally felt like he had a purpose. Not as Captain America, but as Steve. You made him happy.

“Today is a meteor shooting. Maybe you’d like to watch it? I could put some blankets on the roof…make us some snacks…”, Steve mentioned one day, while you were a bit stronger than the days before, taking a walk outside.

Steve still wanted you to hold onto his arm, which you gladly did, leaning your head against his bicep.

Smiling brightly, you looked up at him. He finally saw some of the sparkle he had missed so much. “Yes, it’s so sweet you remembered, Mr Rogers”, grinning you gave him a kiss on his cheek-to do that you needed to step on your toes. Steve pulled you a bit closer, kissing your lips gently. “Of course I remembered Mrs Rogers. It’ll be a beautiful night”, he whispered, giving you a few gentle kisses on your face.

A few hours later you two were laying down on a blanket on the roof, with you cuddling against his chest. He was like a human heat pack- “I’m what?”, you felt your cheeks blush, realising you had said these words out loud. “Oh god, sorry Steve-it’s just you’re so warm”, you laughed quietly, matching his own laugh.

He shook his head slightly. “Yeah, okay, you’re always telling me I’m warm but…a heat pack? Interesting” Steve grinned, looking at the sky, slowly turning a darker shade, from the most beautiful rosy, organ he and purple shades the the dark night shades, lighted with beautiful bright stars.

Both of you sighed, watching the stars shining brighter than ever.

It felt special.

A special, beautiful night.

“There’s the constellation Coma Berenices…”, you pointed at the sky, where you saw it-knowing that Steve had no idea what you were talking about, but he liked listening either way. He tried to find it. “I remember you’ve mentioned it a few times before…What does it look like?”

You pointed once again at the stars. “These…these three stars in the half square are the main stars” “what is it about?”he asked, looking at the stars you were pointing at.

A small chuckle escaped your lips. “It’s a constellation for lovers-well, technically for the sacrifice of the beautiful hair of Queen Berenice of Egypt. She did it for her husband Ptolemy…was so concerned for his safety when he went off to war….so she vowed to cut off her glorious long hair as a sacrifice to Venus”, you whispered, closing your eyes slowly.

“Did it work?” Steve sounded hopeful, making you smile a bit. He had such a good heart. “Yes. He came home safely…and Zeus placed Berenices beautiful hair in the heavens to shine among the stars…” “that’s a beautiful story.”

You nodded slowly. “It really is….I get why she did it. I’d do everything for you too”, you whispered. Steve was quiet for a moment, looking at the brightly shining stars. He kissed your head gently. “I’d do everything for you too. Meeting you was the best thing that happened to me.”

Smiling, you put your arm around his waist, inhaling his rich smell. “I love you, Steve. You’re the love of my life…the reason I was the happiest I’ve ever been in the last few years. God, you’ve no idea”, you said, which nearly ended in a sob. Steve felt like he could cry himself, which he often did.

“I love you too, my little star.”

You smiled, looking at the Coma Berenices again, then also seeing another shooting star. Then you closed your eyes again, cuddling a bit closer against his chest.

Lying in Steve’s arms was an incredible feeling.

He was your home.

It’s the best place you could imagine ever being.

It was perfect.

For a while you two just watched the shooting stars. The sky was filled with beautiful and bright lights. Nature was the most beautiful thing. Incredible.

Feeling Steve hugging you even closer-if that was possible-made you sigh quietly, softly.

If hugs could heal, you’d never be sick in the first place. Maybe they did. Maybe Steve’s embrace was the only thing you needed.

The pain stopped.

Steve stroked over your hair gently. Another star fell, making him smile lightly. “Look, another one.”

But no answer came. “Sweetheart, we’ve been here for only two hours, you can’t sleep now”, he laughed, gently shaking your shoulder.

You still didn’t move.

He took a deep breath, listening to your heartbeat.

Silence.

Gently kissing your head he stroked over your hair, not holding the tears back anymore. It was over. Your pain was over.

And he was happy he was with you, till your forever came to an end. You weren’t alone. You died in his arms.

In the arms of your true love. He knew you were happy in your last moments, doing what you loved the most, watching the stars. With him. He knew you loved him, he saw it in your eyes everyday. Even when your sparkle vanished, he saw love.

“I’ll love you till my forever ends, my little star…”

And looking up at the sky he knew you were looking right back at him. Free. At peace.

Thank you for reading!

Please interact, leave some feedback!❤️

I’m thinking about writing another one shot about this-maybe some fluff and cute memories or something, or Steve’s life after…I’m not sure, but I enjoyed writing this. (Even if it broke my heart, it was nice to write something like this)

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