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sweetiecutie · 1 year

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Pairing: Theodore Nott x fem! Reader

Warnings: second part of this writing is smut so beware, fluff, a bit of insecurities

A/n: I don’t write much about Theo but I’ve had a suffocating obsession with him for so fucking long!! I can’t bottle up those thoughts in my head anymore so I just have to share those with you guys

Theodore Nott dating headcanons

Okay, hear me out, Theo had the fattest crush on you for at least four months before he ever actually approached you! It’s most probable for you to share some of your classes and he happened to sit next to you or behind you, getting to hear your little chats with your friends or even having full conversations with you personally

He would def ogle you from across the great hall during all meals, and not gonna lie - it freaked the fuck out of you at first. Because Theodore doesn’t have this ‘I’m so painfully in love with you’ stare, but rather a ‘I wanna slit your throat with a salad knife’ kind of stare, yk? But once you’ve had a nice chat with him all your worries evaporated bc this boy is a total sweetheart, just a bit shy and introverted

Theo would be very clear with his intentions from the very beginning, so when he asked you out for the first time he added a timid “But I mean it as a date, if you don’t mind” at the end, his cheeks growing rosy and you couldn’t help but feel your heart swell at how adorable Theo looked

Mean to everyone but you trope!! It’s no secret that Theo is all grumpy and gloomy, no one gets surprised by his rather rash mood swings (which are usually bad mood changing to disastrously bad mood), but when he’s with you? Boy, that is a whole another person - he’s all smiley and flirty, joking around, trying to see that precious smile of yours he adores so much

He remembers everything, and I mean everything, about you. What your hobbies are, things that you are interested in, your favorite actors and singers, which flavors and fragrances you like and which you don’t etc. I swear, this man pays more attention to your little whims than to his classes

He loves snuggles so much🥺 His mother passed away shortly after giving birth to Theodore, and his father, being a strict and reserved person he is, wasn’t able to give that parenting love and tenderness to his son, so Theo is touch-starved for sure. He loves every kind of physical touch - handholding, hugging, cuddling, kissing, snuggling - bring it all in

So so devoted. He had been dying for being close to you for so long, and now that he finally has you - there’s no way he’s going to fuck everything up with some stupid flings. In fact, Theodore is all about long-term relationships, and I feel like even an idea of having a one-night stand deeply disgusts him

But Theodore is also very possessive. And it’s not like he doesn’t trust you enough, it’s all the people around you that cannot be trusted. But it’s also his insecurities talking in him - what if you find someone better? Someone smarter and more attractive and you’ll leave him, heartbroken and lonely. Theo is deeply attached to you, and even the thought of you breaking up with him hurts poor boy deeply

Theo has some anger management issues, so there are times when he asks you to leave him alone to cool down, so that he won’t say anything to you in a fit of fury that he’ll heavily regret afterwards

Random dances are really a thing in your relationship! Very often you find yourself waltzing with Theo to a non-existent tune in your head, spinning each other around and giggling like small kids. And if you don’t know how do waltz - don’t worry! Being a pure-blood automatically means being good at ball dances, Theo will teach you everything! And don’t worry about accidentally stomping on his shoes- he will never get mad or tell you off for that

Omg omg imagine being too careless and leaving blotches of your shiny microglitter lipgloss on his cheeks, chin and around his lips, not noticing them in a dim light. And Theo being absolutely clueless, walking around the castle all sparkly, not understanding why his slytherin pals are snickering and smiling slyly at him

I kinda have a feeling, that when you start dating Theo - you get Blaise Draco and Pansy as an additional gift. No matter what you two are doing or where you are - there will always be one or all of those around, teasing the shit out of both of you (mostly Theo)

Smokes like a fucking locomotive! But Theo will try his best to tame it if you chide him for that, leading to him being moodier due to lack of nicotine and untamed oral fixation. Or you’ll just start smoking as well, chain-smoking together and stealing each other’s lighters

NSFW

So as I already mentioned, Theodore is a long-term relationship kind of person, meaning that he needs a strong emotional connection with certain person to have sex with them. I strongly believe that he had every kind of fiste sexual experience with you - making out, grinding, mutual masturbation, oral and sex itself. To put it simply - Theo was a complete virgin

I think Theo would postpone any kind of sexual experience with you for as long as possible, too afraid to make you feel pressured or thinking that he’s with you only for sex. Actually, it’s more likely for you to initiate anything of that sort, and he still asks you “Are you sure that you want it?” every five minutes. Isn’t he adorable?🥺

But once you’ve actually had sex, Theodore can’t help but be desperate for more. He tries to suppress those distracting thoughts of doing oh so unholy things to your precious body as much as he can, but he crawls to you so needy and whiny just two days after, begging to be close to you again. And how can you say no when he stares down at you with those puppy eyes, whispering about how pretty you are and how horny he gets just from thinking about you

Omg he defo had wet dreams about you before you started dating. Imagine Theo trying his hardest to not think about you, annoyed by how hard he had fallen, and his subconscious playing evil jokes on poor boy, giving him some pretty livid pictures of you two together. Not so innocent pictures, I must note. Okay, not innocent at all. Dreams in which you were sat on top of him, looking down at Theo with those alluring beautiful eyes of yours, your breasts on full display right before his eyes. Or where he was laying in-between your legs, pleasuring you with all he had. The first time it ever happened Theo was shaken awake by Blaise who was mumbling something about oversleeping. Thanks Merlin Theo was laying on his side, so that his painful boner wasn’t poking so obviously through layers of his blankets. He was so embarrassed by himself he couldn’t even look at you for the next few days

He doesn’t makes too much noise during sex. Theodore is a quiet person in general - he talks only when it’s necessary and prefers to listen to others instead. That be said - he loooves hearing you moan and whimper and plea and babble in pleasure, so don’t even try to hold all those sweet little noises in. He really feels awkward about making any noises himself, but he lets you know just how good you make him feel with his facial expressions, long sighs and countless praises muttered into your ears with his ‘sexy Theo voice’

Loves loves loves eating pussy. Oh, this man goes absolutely feral, working his mouth on you, tongue flicking over your clit in quick tight circles, giving an occasional suck. And this man has completely mastered (with your help, of course) the perfect combination of tongue and fingers, being able to give you a mind-blowing orgasm in just five minutes

Marking marking marking marking. Leaves marks everywhere he can - your neck, chest, shoulders, tummy, thighs- everywhere. And please, please leave marks on his as well - leave hickeys and bite-marks in the most obvious places - he’d never cover them in his life, wearing them as the most treasured jewelry - just let everyone know that he’s yours

One of Theodore’s biggest turn-ons is spitting in your mouth and making you swallow it. No I’m not sorry for that

His favorite position is definitely missionary, where Theo is half-lying on top of you, intense skin against skin contact, your legs draped around his hips, pounding deep and slow into your dripping pussy, all while gazing into your eyes lovingly

Omgomg imagine having passionate sex with Theo with lots of heavy touching and open-mouthed kisses all while songs from “Awaken, My Love!” album by Childish Gambino are blaring on the background *chokes on spit and tears*

And here’s a lil addition💖

Likes, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated. Give writers some love - feedback is the thing that inspires us on creating more new content💖

#theodore nott #theo nott #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott x you #theodore nott x y/n #theo nott x you #theo nott x reader #theo nott x y/n #harry potter #harry potter writing #harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #harry potter x y/n #golden trio era #slytherin #slytherin gang #harry potter fanfiction

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milogreer · 1 month

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❥ my top ten redacted audio speakers !!

i’ve seen a bunch of people doing this so i wanted to join in! i love a bandwagon 😋

feisty werewolf; milo - i mean, come on. *gestures at my blog* look at me. milo very quickly took top spot, by the time i got to the panic attack audio i was like the rest of y’all can pack it up bc this guy’s got me hooked lmfao it was just so sweet to see a softer side of the guy who, at that point in the timeline, had mostly only been abrasive, cocky, and flirty. that accent also does everything for me. the exact moment i fell in love with him was when he said, “of course i’m not mad. i was worried - scared that you were hurt or something. but never mad.” 🫠💖

nervous air elemental; lasko - lasko… what can i say about lasko. he definitely awoke something in me lmao, initially i didn’t want to get into the elementals because meeting new people felt like a chore at the time but he immediately made me laugh and it was all downhill from there… i love that he’s kinda freaky and he makes me want to bite him in the non-canon audios, but even in prime universe he’s just so sweet and a really good friend. and his relationship with coworker makes me so proud of his development

arrogant incubus; gavin - i’ve said it before but gavin’s the reason i’m here! his hbs 2023 audio was my first audio of the channel, and to go back in time and watch his progression to that point was so heartwarming 🥺 him and freelancer are possibly the best pair in the universe, i just adore everything about them. gavin’s audios are actually the hardest ones for me to listen to because the love he has for freelancer is suffocating to witness in a really bittersweet way 😩

yandere cultist friend; blake - this one is um …. i never expected this HAHA when i first listened to the balance he really skeeved me out (as he should), but then mother mother released ‘explode!’ and for some unfathomable reason it got into my head as a blake song and i couldn’t dissociate it from him. on a second listen of the balance, i definitely appreciate his character more and the juxtaposition of him with elliott and sunshine vs bestie is so so interesting to me. i can’t even be mad at bestie because he’d have me wrapped around his finger too 🥲 rly nervous for his next story update

chaotic boyfriend; guy - BABYGIRL. humor is the biggest thing i look for in relationships both platonic and romantic and no one makes me laugh like guy does. he’s so my type and the way honey acts is literally how i am with guys i like, so guy audios are always so much fun to listen to 💖 and no BA hits quite like that pre-recorded one

i ended up talking more than i thought i would so the other half is under the cut!

it gets kind of messy in the second half because i think these could get shuffled around depending on my mood but for now these are my thoughts!

seer obscura; morgan - morgan is… captivating. i know he kinda only blew up after ‘time is a song’ but it’s with good reason; the atmosphere is so calming but also, like… there’s a longing to it, ykwim? the two of them being the only know seer obscuras naturally lends a hand to the tension between them. no one else understands their unique struggles - so when his new obscura acquaintance calls him up in the middle of the night asking for help and comfort, of course he isn’t going to say no. it’s such an intimate setting for their third audio together and you can feel the tension building the whole time up to “i want to know you.” it’s just a really good audio. very interested to see where his story goes

sarcastic inchoate demon; avior - THE SNARK. THE QUIET KINDNESS. THE MYSTERY. THE YEARNING. THE TRAGEDY. avior’s got it all. sovereign state had me on the edge of my seat the whole time and still does, honestly. his hbs rewind audio is one of my favorites; the effort and love he put into that little date to give starlight a reprieve from their shared hell… he is such a romantic 💖 there’s nothing quite like falling in love while stuck in an actual hell

unempowered boyfriend; geordi - he’s an interesting one for me bc my love of him is directly tied to cutie + cutie’s telepathy giving us a look into his head (i just melt over his whispered little i love yous and compliments). they have a fascinating and messy story that i live for even when it makes me sick lol i adore that they’re both flawed but that they’re taking steps to better themselves. it’s fun when couples in the redactedverse aren’t perfect but still try to be better out of love

mysterious stranger; hush - THE weird guy. within his first audio i went from being indifferent to charmed. i love a mystery and everything about him is mysterious, but he’s also so clueless sometimes that it’s like. so what if he tied doc to the bed in their first meeting, now he’s asking to hold their hand when he’s nervous. so what if his purpose is to free the sovereigns? he learned how to cook for doc. i can’t NOT love him

unknown yandere caller - i’m a ghostface fan, okay. and i’m a taurus. i like when people are obsessed with me 🤷🏼‍♀️ there’s just something so… like. listen. “you’ll start to expect me. you’ll start to crave me.” from the audio and “i know you’ll find them. and you’ll keep them. because they’re from me.” from his card? the arrogance. it’s bewitching. i need him back ASAP i don’t even care if he doesn’t get a real name, i just miss him. come back please 🙏🏻

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #yap yap yap girl be QUIET 😭#i’ve spent most of today on this post smfh #sweetheart.txt #misc

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vanishingstarrs · 7 months

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wish on an eyelash

pro hero!keigo takami aka hawks x singer/influencer!reader, established relationship

( this is very much fluff and indulgence, take a shot if you’ve ever thought abt hawks n his eyeliner bc c’mon we all have, it’s hot as shit )

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You’d taken your time, setting up your special ring lights and tripod, writing down the questions you’d be answering during your video, and making sure all your makeup supplies were set out in an order that wouldn’t make it obvious which order they went in.

During your last live video, you’d been asked multiple times for your boyfriend to do your makeup for a video.

Now, your boyfriend was a busy man (being the number two hero and all), but your audience had been requesting his presence in a video for some time now and you had to admit the idea sounded quite fun. Keigo was always welcome to your ideas, happy to show up during your lives if your fans asked where he was and eager to help you with your set ups whenever you were going to film something new. He’d actually done a voice over for you once a few months back (your fans had went nuts over that) when you lost your voice post concert and you’d promised to get your routine up before a certain point so it shouldn’t be too difficult for him. That, and the fact that he liked to watch you get ready most days.

You’d tweeted out a week earlier for them to send in some questions as a bonus while he did your makeup.

“We ready, baby?”

A pair of familiar hands hugged you around the middle, your boyfriend resting his chin on your shoulder and kissing your cheek repeatedly.

“Just about, you wanna approve the questions we’ll be answering this video?” You asked, holding up the notebook for him to see.

“Nah, I’m an open book, plus I trust you chose appropriate questions.”

“The amount of people that are curious about our sex lives is insane.” You rolled your eyes as you took a seat on the floor and patted the spot next to you for him to sit too.

He glanced at the coffee table, you guessed he was trying to picture the order of things.

You started off the video with your basic greeting that you always used before introducing your boyfriend (as if he needed an introduction) and he grinned as he gave a wave to the camera,“I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

A nervous smile lit up your face as you clapped your hands together and explained the gist of what your viewers would be seeing today,“As you all have been requesting, Keigo will be doing my makeup for me today. A bunch of you noticed he watches me get ready a lot and said he should be able to do it and—”

“I’d never turn down a challenge.” He cut in, smirking,“Trust me, I got this.”

“For my sake, I really hope so.” You then picked up your notebook,“As a treat so you guys won’t be too bored, I sent out an ask for questions, many of you guys always wonder about our relationship and while we do like to keep things private, we thought a little insider from us couldn’t hurt.”

“Do you know what you’re gonna start with?” You asked your boyfriend and he grinned, surprising you by picking up the correct item.

“You gotta prime your surface first, don’t ya?”

You turned your body toward him instead of facing the camera so he could begin, Keigo placed both hands on your face and kissed your nose before adjusting your position.

“Alright, first question.” He said as he uncapped the primer.

You glanced at your notebook out of your periphery,“How did you and Hawks meet?”

“Of course.” He rolled his eyes playfully as he rubbed the primer in with his fingers, letting it dry while he scanned the table for his next item.

He faced the camera briefly,“We met at the grocery store, we’re boring people, okay?”

“Truth.” You giggled, as you were sure people expected a much more exciting story.

Keigo, now armed with an eyebrow pencil, began running the brush through your brows before slightly marking a few empty spots. You grinned, he knew you so well.

“I’m sure many of you think we met at that gala where I interviewed Keigo on whether he preferred chicken or beef and he said—”

“Take me out to dinner and find out.” He quoted himself from that night.

You laughed,“Sorry to disappoint, but by then we’d actually been on a couple dates and I very much knew the answer to that question, I was asking stuff from his fans. We were pretty lovesick already at that point, I think, and then everyone started shipping us.”

“Unbeknownst to you all, we were seeing everything and just laughing.” Keigo chuckled.

He tapped his chin as he picked up an eyeshadow palette and opened it up to sniff it.

He searched the pile of brushes while you asked the next question,“What was your first date like?”

“Ooh, I have this one!” Keigo dipped his brush into what he guessed was your favorite color based on how much was missing,“Initially, I wanted to fly her to our date spot, but since I happened to know how deathly afraid of heights she was… I knew it wouldn’t happen — not on the first date, I thought — so we took a nice little stroll there, I picked her up and she was wearing a sparkly dress and looked oh so pretty—”

“There’s a picture of me in that outfit up on my accounts, actually, if you know you know.” You commented before he grabbed your chin and instructed for you to close your eyes.

“I took that picture.” He made sure to clarify, and you felt him tap something (glitter, you were guessing) into your inner eyelids as he continued,“Anyway, I had this gazebo set up really nice, lots of lights, flowers, cute shit, and we had dinner and talked the whole night, super romantic. By the end of it, she loved me—”

“Don’t lie!”

“You did, dove, I mean, c’mon, you let me fly you around by the end of it.”

“Okay, I did.” You sighed,“But only because you made me feel like I could really trust you.”

“And have I ever given you any reason to doubt that?” He looked into your eyes and again, you sighed.

“No…”

“Then?”

“Whatever. What’s next?” You pointed at your makeup pile that he was slowly going through, putting aside what he’d already used.

He went through and placed foundation all over your face, making sure to blend it into your neck while you went through a few more questions.

“Who does Hawks’s eyeliner?” You giggled.

Your boyfriend scoffed, facing the camera with a deadpan expression on his face,“Okay, I’m saying this once and only once, much to contrary belief, the ‘eyeliner’?” He rubbed at his eye and even dragged his finger down,“Is not makeup, it’s not a part of my costume or a fun little gimmick, the closest I can get to explaining it is a beauty mark. It’s permanent.”

“You tell ‘em, babe.” You continued to laugh, only to stop as he picked up your actual eyeliner.

“Just for that we’re gonna replicate this on you.”

“Awe.” You pouted,“I can’t pull that off.”

And he knew it too since you only ever applied eyeliner very minimally.

“Shush and hold still.” He paused the step he was on to attempt the new look for your eyes.

“I’d like you all to know, Keigo is very much holding his breath right now and his mouth is wide open, he’s definitely one of us.” You said smugly, an inside joke only those who wore makeup and did anything eye related could understand.

“Hold on, shh.” Your boyfriend paused as he swiped a finger under your eye and held it out to you,“Make a wish.”

This wasn’t a rare occurrence actually, you often lost many eyelashes due to rapid blinking whenever your eyes became strained and he loved for you to make wishes. You often did the same to him; and so you closed your eyes and thought of your wish before blowing away the eyelash.

He grinned and pecked your lips,“So what’d you wish for?”

“Can’t tell you, it won’t come true.”

He pouted, but knew the rules just as well. He finished up his eyeliner and immediately resuming his last step. Now you were the one pouting,“I wanna see.”

“Nope, wait until the end.”

“Boo.”

“Next question, lovebird.”

You continued through the questions until Keigo seemed satisfied enough with your looks, finishing off with a kiss to seal the deal and you smiled,“Done?”

“Mhm.”

“No lipstick?”

“No point.” He shrugged, leaning back on his hands,“I’ll end up eating it all off in a second anyway.”

You didn’t bother correcting him, picking up a mirror to check out the eyeliner that he actually made a little thinner than what his non-eyeliner looked like and you smiled, it didn’t look half bad and he got all the steps right. Though he didn’t do them in the order you did them, they weren’t technically wrong and you looked pretty alright.

As you finished off the video, your boyfriend waved at the tripod and you shut off the camera.

“Well, I’d call that a success.” You smiled at him.

“Great, wanna go get ice cream?” He looked up at you in adoration before teasing,“I wanna show off my hard work.”

You smiled, you already had your wish.

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#mha #bnha #my hero academia #keigo takami x reader #hawks

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fluffypotatey · 7 months

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What are your in depth thoughts about MK’s and Sun Wukong’s vs MK’s and Macaque’s relationships? Because lemme tell you I’ve got so many it’s essay worthy

i saved you for last <3 but i honestly don't know if i can talk about this coherently T^T

short answer: they are on different levels in 2 ways, MK's comfortability and in how they grow

long answer: *inhales*

so you see, there are many levels that are set between the two relationships. and by levels i mean power dynamics, casualness, formalities, respect, and idolization :)

MK and Sun Wukong

with MK and Sun Wukong their relationship began very formal. MK was simply Wukong's student (with a wish to one day be close friends with his mentor/idol), but then by around 1x09, there becomes this shift in their dynamic. in this episode, we do get insight into how far Wukong actually cares for MK because for about most of s1, the monkey keeps his distance while putting up a laid back attitude. but after MK admits to his desire of being "good enough, like [Wukong]," you will notice that Sun Wukong, slowly starts to pull down his walls for MK. he even invites MK to stay over with him for New Years (2x00), despite knowing that it was more likely for MK to leave and celebrate with his friends. (WHICH MK EVEN SAYS BECAUSE BY THIS POINT MK COMES TO REALIZE THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP MIGHT NEVER BREACH INTO THE FRIENDSHIP HE ROMANTICIZED IN HIS HEAD. THUS SHOWING HOW THE TWO ARE DOING A REVERSE IN THEIR DYNAMIC AND- *gets dragged away to calm down*)

as i was saying.

in s2, Wukong ends up leaving to investigate a way to stop LBD before things blow over (which succeeds and fails bc it did, in fact, blow over). he didn't do it because he believed that it would hurt MK. personally, my assumption is that Sun Wukong didn't really see himself as that great of a mentor and that MK had been able to quickly pick up on new moves and techniques without much help from him, and with that thought, he believed that by leaving MK nothing but scrolls and a goal, MK would still be capable of mastering the new skills (which he did, thereby reinforcing that idea). but unfortunately, our beloved monkey king forgot that while MK is a very capable individual of incredible power, he's not confident in himself. he's simply "just loud" about himself and his prowess (which, if you noticed, MK grew even more quieter about this in seasons 2 & 3....fascinating).

so now there's this manufactured push to bring back their previous formality because Wukong is not completely ready to tell MK the truth despite how much he cares and trusts him (because, and this is my opinion, Wukong really wants to ensure that MK is not too involved in something as dangerous as LBD because she can get into your head and she can make matters worse for everybody). said manufactured push confuses MK because they had come so far from 1x01 and the distance they had before. sure, it's not as close as s3 and s4, but it definitely felt like they were at the cusp of something. this leaves MK sort of in his own limbo on where he stands with the Monkey King, and even if he sought advice about this with his friends, none of them have met the guy yet and can only make opinions based on their assumptions of what they feel like is going on (*cough, cough* Pigsy *cough, cough*).

and even after s2, in s3 Wukong is exhausted, a lot of his power depleted, and has to try and mingle civilly with MK's friends on a mission he originally planned to do alone (a suicidal mission to obtain the Samadhi Fire, if i might add). his reasoning for refusing at the beginning is because they are mortals, which MK misinterprets to mean that Wukong does not think MK can handle this mission and wants to prove himself.

omg their relationship is so complicated and messy T^T i love it

anyway, MK's and Sun Wukong's relationship is a push and pull between both people wanting to uphold and prove their worth to the other (Wukong lying to keep MK ignorant of a danger the monkey plans to eradicate in secret VS MK pushing himself into becoming powerful in order to prove himself as someone swk sees as worthy to trust). also, their dynamic is literally a platonic slow burn that slowly brings them closer and closer with s4 beginning with them (swk mostly lol) trying to be more honest and upfront about their thoughts and feelings. and s4 ending with the two actually fighting for each other and protecting each other and fighting WITH each other and T^T it's so beautiful. but also because their dynamic is a slow burn, that provides ample time to seed in doubt and insecurities and wanting to bottle up your issues to keep the peace and-

ugh T^T them <3

(side note: the actual timeline of this show is a tad confusing to me. how long was s1? a month, a couple months, a week? how long was s2? how long is the gap between seasons???? idk and i've tried to find something feasible to work with but i'm mostly just taking an "academic" estimation)

but now onto Macky and MK's relationship!

Mackenzie and MK

this one despite how rocky it looks is not a slow burn dynamic. it's got a fun roller coaster of levels because it goes "secret mentor/student" to "enemies" to "frenemies?" to "morally dubious but is actually a softie" to "potential mentor 2.0???" and i love it.

so, MK and Macky's dynamic begins in 1x09 (the blessed episode) since that's Mackackle's introduction to the show and MK begins to train under him in secret because MK is frustrated with swk's teaching methods. through the brief montage of MK's training, i can't help but notice the words and phrasing Macky uses:

Mackarell: [sounding disappointed] Not bad...[chuckles] [in a mocking tone] don't get me wrong, but I was expecting a little more with someone of your power. MK: [is defensive] H-hey, I've got more- I can give way more than that! [sighs] I can do better. Macaroni: [bemused] Kay, maybe show me next time.

ok, honestly, i just wanna talk about this. because if you heard it without seeing Marconi's face and how they animated him, you could side-step the the fake disappointment and mocking tone. what he's saying on the surface, isn't anything malicious or cruel. he is acting like a mentor and it appears like he is trying to encourage MK so he can stop hesitating. but that's not what Mac's really doing.

he is acting disappointed in MK because MK has a need to prove himself. the scene before MK meets Macaque, he is with Wukong and is frustrated by how slow his training is. he knows he can do some pretty powerful moves if his mentor allowed him to, if only he can prove to him that he can level up from the "baby stuff", if only he could have someone see that potential and train him in something more his "style." how convenient that right after he vents his frustrations MK encounters exactly what he wants, but oh no, they're disappointed in his strength and prowess, he has to prove that wrong, he CAN prove that wrong.

see where i'm going? MK fell for Macky's web, hook-line-and-sinker because it was tailor made for him. BUT! this mentor/student dynamic does not last very long. and that's mostly because it never a long term relationship in the slightest. Macky always planned to use MK's powers for his own, so now the two are slotted into the enemies level. they were never on equal ground like MK thought, or even on a similar mentor/student level MK has with Wukong. Macaquack absolutely abused that dynamic for his own gain and MK lost his trust for it.

MK cannot trust Macky, why should he? in s2, MK and Macky's relationship is mostly antagonistic because Mk cannot trust Mac and Mac enjoys tormenting the guy by hanging his insecurities over him. they are not on equal ground. Mac only sees MK as some mortal child who is in over his head and thinks he can be a Wukong 2.0 while MK sees Mac as someone who betrayed his trust, tried to kill him and his mentor and it is very personal.

but then there's this interesting choice made by lmk. Mac warns MK of an upcoming danger. why does he do it? he had just proven that he is an enemy! but also, he ends up freeing MK's friends on the basis that it "wasn't fun anymore". why take pity (should we even call it pity) on MK enough to tell him that "big things are coming"?

why choose to give MK some (very vague) advice about what's to come? what caused Macky to decide to offer this information?

well, 1st it is clearly the writers' way of showing that there is more than meets the eye with Macky. this is a little indicator for the audience about "hey! keep an eye on him! he's more complex than you think! he's more than a stock villain!" 2nd, this is the very first push into Mac's more amiable relationship with MK.

in s3, Macky is under LBD's command and has to follow her orders or else she might send him back to the Diyu either by ripping his soul from his body, or encasing him in ice/bone. he is only on her side to survive. he doesn't even plan to stay. instead, it really looks like Mac wants to escape from her hold (which he eventually plans out after learning about the gang's mission to find the Rings of Samadhi).

when it comes to MK, Mac is very antagonistic. @shadowpeachyuri made a really great analysis on Macky's antagonistic behavior in s3. especially in 3x04 where he taunts and mocks MK for his self worth and powers, but he's also stalling from his own mission in retrieving MK for LBD. most of s3 is him stalling and picking fights with people rather than do his own job. not to mention, that he purposefully separated MK and Wukong believing it would be easier to retrieve them. but why all the stalling and hesitation? because he's upset with his circumstances, and wants to take out on everyone? yeah, that's definitely part of it.

still in s3 Mac is not trying to befriend MK, he's not trying to help him either, but he also isn't truly trying to catch him. his main objective is getting out of dodge, escaping and finding somewhere that is far from here. yet, he can't help but challenge MK into using his powers, offer some (very biased and skewed) advice on who the guy should trust. and it's not until "Embrace Your Destiny" when his on-again and off-again mood finally gets to MK because he saved MK, he brought MK to Mei and he gave them the Not-Mayor guy for information.

just...this whole exchange T^T

Mackardy: Look, I brought you the Lady Bone Demon's lapdog, but I'm not up for being a hero, kid.

here lies, Macky trying to tell MK that he is not on his side. he has been constantly antagonistic and while LBD is also his enemy, he was planning to just give MK and his gang enough help for them to plan out how to defeat her.

MK: We don't need you to beat him. We just need you to keep him busy. As long as he's [Monkey King] under her control the Mech's vulnerable. We can do this! You can do this.

enter MK, looking at Macky with such optimism and arguing back at Macky with the guy's own logic. it won't be a battle to try and defeat Wukong, Macky just has to "keep him busy". Stall, like he's been doing for all of s3. and he sprinkles in a bit more optimism and encouragement to sweeten the deal.

Macaroon: Nice speech, kid but it's not gonna- MK: [frustrated growl] STOP! You keep playing at being this bad guy, acting like you're just in it for you! But I know deep, deep down: you're not that guy. Help us. Make it right. Macadoodle: I'm not a hero, bud MK: Then be a warrior!

personally, i feel like this is the moment where the two's new dynamic begins. also, Macky and MK's relationship feels a but more on equal footing. neither of them hold a pedestal or an image of who they are. MK is able to figure out that a lot of Macky's outward appearance is just that, an appearance. and Macky is able to see that MK isn't some Wukong 2.0 he imagined up in his head in s1. MK is the Monkey King's successor but he is also his own person who will and has made different decisions than Wukong.

after s3, their dynamic is very similar to mentor/student in 4x10, but not in the same way as in 1x09. Macky isn't trying to be manipulative or play with double meanings, he's actually trying to help and figured a video game rpg would be the best bet since MK likes video games. MK is able to snap back at Macky and isn't afraid of showing the monkey his worries and fears (something he's struggling to with Wukong and vice versa) because Macky has seen that side of him already.

idk it's fascinating. i feel like i'm repeating myself a lot, but my main takeaway is that MK and Wukong have a slow burn friendship that began with formalities and over the seasons, they gradually grew closer and more comfortable with admitting that they care about each other (mostly Wukong needed this help but it's ok). and MK and Macky's relationship though began as enemies, grew into 2 characters who view each other as equals by the end and respect ach other loads.

there be my thoughts *jazz hands*

#lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk mk #lmk sun wukong #lmk six eared macaque #lmk qi xiaotian #lmk meta #lmk analysis #lmk sunburst duo #lmk soysauce duo #sunburst duo #soysauce duo #bestie i am so sorry it took me this long to finish your answer T^T #i was saving it for last just so i could take my time with it but may have forgotten that my actual time to write all of this was limited #anyway #this was a lot of fun to discuss #you are absolutely free to tell me your thoughts!#i wanna know your essay worthy thoughts profa ;-;#also i single out pigsy at some point here but it's mostly bc besides all of swk's enemies he's the biggest critic of swk who's close to MK #his reasons for being upset at the guy are beCAUSE he unintentionally hurt MK and essentially neglected the guy in his eyes #however: he is an extremely harsh and biased critic not even bothering to hear the other side bc of his distrustful nature & protectiveness #once pigsy somes to a conclusion you will need to provide some solid evidence to back up your argument WHICH WUKONG ALMOST NEVER DOES #the grind for meta is real but so is my commitment to the bit :3 #you will never find me spelling mackadoo's name right unless it's for fic #also i think i my macky analysis might be a tad off bc i kept repeating myself so sorry about that T^T #jfc this took me 3 days ;A;#enjoyed every bit of it #asks

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herofics · 1 year

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Ok, bc I loved the kissing hc so much, I'm requesting them again! This time with Tomura and Touya (separately) please 🥰 super fluffy kisses, as suggestive as you'd like!

Thanks in advance!

The previous version with heroes can be found here. I really enjoyed writing those and these ones as well. I’ve got some weird thing with never tagging any of my Dabi stuff with “Touya Todoroki”, unless it’s the high school AU, because I sort of see his younger self as a separate person, and “Dabi” as his own person, which is who he is now. I just wasn’t sure if you meant Dabi as he is now, or Touya as he could’ve been, but I went with Dabi. I overthink these things way too much but I just thought I’d explain my thought process. Also I would like to add that I do very much think that neither of these guys is very capable of being in a healthy relationship

~Dabi~

•Dabi does enjoy kissing you but he also enjoys annoying other people when he does it

•He will full on french kiss you in front of people just to annoy them

•Also he’s a possessive bastard, so he leaves hickeys and marks on you all the time, that includes some slight burn marks

•He’s a bully and a tease, and loves suddenly just biting your lip while you’re kissing

•Sometimes he does it hard enough to actually break the skin on your lip

•Every now and then you get pretty hot and heavy with the making out, and Dabi just stops, pushes you off his lap onto the couch/bed/floor/whatever and leaves

•He always smirks and looks back at you, and you’re just looking at him with a very frustrated expression, and he returns pretty soon after, and you continue making out and such

•Dabi loves kissing you everywhere, especially in places that gets a stronger reaction out of you, like your upper inner thigh, and your chest

•After a good time together, you’re always covered in bite marks, hickeys and slight burn marks

•Like I said, he’s a possessive bastard, and he likes to make sure others know you’ve got a partner

•Dabi doesn’t really like it if you kiss his burns, where his staples are is fine, and the unburnt skin of course, but not the burns

•It’s not because it hurts him, at least not enough for him to care, but he just doesn’t really like you doing it

•He can get pretty demanding sometimes, and he just comes up behind you and starts kissing your neck and shoulders, before turning you around and starting to kiss you on the lips

•He does respect it when you say no, or when you show him you’re not really feeling it, but he can be a bit bitchy about it

~Shigaraki Tomura~

•Tomura is a bit of a crusty guy as we know, and when you started messing around together, he was pretty insecure about it

•Of course he wouldn’t know to call it that, because he absolutely sucks at categorizing/recognizing his feelings, but he did know it made him uncomfortable when you wanted to kiss him

•It’s not because he didn’t want to kiss you, he really did, and one time he was just like “fuck it” and stopped thinking about it and the two of you made out for like ten minutes, before he decided that was enough for one time

•He can’t stop thinking about your lips on his for like days after that

•Tomura really enjoys kissing you once he gets a taste of it and he’s doing it all the time, maybe just in passing, maybe pulling you close and kissing you deeply

•He might just walk up behind you and start kissing on your neck, hoping the situation escalates in a favorable direction for him

•He does have occasional periods of time he just isn’t feeling it at all, or at least he doesn’t initiate it himself

•If you start doing something, he’s usually down for it, and if he isn’t he will let you know with a pretty annoyed tone

•I was going to say he doesn’t have any shame, but it’s more about the fact that he couldn’t care less if someone sees him making out with you

•As long as you’re okay with it too though

•He can get really annoyed and bitchy about it when you tell him no, but he does respect it when you don’t feel like doing something

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #dabi #bnha dabi #mha dabi #shigaraki tomura #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #mha fluff #bnha fluff #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction

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ascendedastarionapologist · 1 month

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Dorian is verry easy to love, legit one of the cutest and most unique durge designs I’ve seen and all his lord is hella interesting! Anymore Dorian factoids about him and AA? I’m kinda interested in how he was with Astarion before he ascended (sorry if you’ve said before and I’ve just missed it)

sobing crying throwing up thank youuu i love my austic creature so much 😭 i wanted my self insert to be a furry and dnd has some very Furry races. im honestly a little suprised more people havent made their bg3 ocs a race other than whats in the game

i drew this a while ago but i didnt really like how it was turning out so i never posted it, but this is essentially what happened when they first met

so they kinda got off on the wrong foot and would kinda bully eachother but dorian is a freak and got a kick out of his snark and would play along, which astarion warmed up to. honestly they both enable eachother, just because theyre both self indulgent sorts of people. theyre a brat and hes a bitch so imagine how everyone else at camp feels. also dorian got that autistic rizz, theyre so blunt and genuine that they, kind of stupidly, just transparently say what theure thinking all the time, which ends up not just being endearing but also in astarions mind it makes them easy to manipulate bc he already knows exactly what they're thinking. dorian is such an easy target honestly, so when astarion started picking up that dorian was becoming warm to him astarions old training kicks in and propositions dorian in aims of exploiting that fondness. they lost their memory of their first time thanks to their worm lobotomy so they kinda freak like "oh man i dont wanna die a virgin and this hot guy wants to fuck i cant not do it" and thats pretty much as far as i thought about it, i wanna get into the later act 1 and act 2 stuff at some point but i havent actually thought about it all that much xD

but theres sooo much that goes into how the two approach astarion's ascention, their entire relationship has been building up to this pretty intense sort of codependence, wrapped up in eachother's circumstances that they really only see themselves. ig dorian's canon is pretty bleak, companions dropping like flies. the survivors would end up being dorian, astarion, shadowheart, and minthara. so by act 3 theyre really hurting for allies and for firepower. dorian is finding it harder and harder to handle the urge, and is determined to rip their father's influemce from their mind and body. so when they go to bhaal's temple and fucking dies when they reject him, astarion's mind just warps with the fear of actually losing dorian, and while they were codependent before, this event would really plant that seed of what his obsession and possesiveness as the ascendant would become. it wasnt just about freedom anymore it was about keeping what was his. dorian was cautious about him ascending, really just worried for astarion's well being and if something were to go ary, astarion convincing them of course with saying it would be best for him, that it would free him, that he would have the power to protect them both. and dorian is ride or die so they're all in for bogarding cazador's ritual.

and like. they do.

dorian never seen astarion so happy, so relieved. power radiated from him. dorian, being a cleric, is intimately familiar with the divine, that reverence reserved for prayer, that sacred respect for their holy symbols, the awe upon beholding divinity, now was recognized in the vampire ascendant. and he knew it too, "you hold your breath when i speak" astarion indulged this when he proposed turning dorian into his spawn/bride (i subscribe to the bride theory but i like the idea of dorian being reffered to either astarion's spawn or his consort) he turns the whole affair into body worship it was pretty epic. throw in come communion symbolism too why not

i have written way to much i must rest my brain now thank you for asking anon ^w^

#asks #custom durge #astarion ancunin #ascended astarion #dorian

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pammydawes · 1 year

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Wow! Sry for the wait folks I’m at 4:31 hours left in Hell Bent and I have Thots

🛑!!!SPOILERS BELOW!!!🛑🛑

It’s been so long that tbh I’m a little fuzzy on the details of where I left off but DANG…….that trip to hell???? Everything I hoped it would be!

I absolutely loved getting so many of the main team’s POVs, I’m hoping that on the return trip we can maybe get some more!! I am so curious abt the meaning of Babbitt rabbit being threaded through all their…..dreams? Visions? Experiences? Idk it’s hell man

The insight into Turner’s background left me feeling pretty broken. Cannot personally speak to the accuracy of Bardugo’s representation of the experience of a Black detective, but I thought it was moving.

Tripp’s backstory was intriguing! I actually know how to sail so the whole thing was pretty visceral to me, I wonder if Leigh has experience with boats bc the accuracy was impressive! Also Spencer can eat shit!

Whew….hellie’s POV. That was excellent. Just hearing how much she loved Alex already had me, but it’s rly the details of their relationship that I think Bardugo hits uk? Loved hearing abt Alex from the perspective of someone who loved her, because in NH darlington was predisposed not to care for her, and 90% of the other insight she hears comes from people who are underestimating her, judging her, or trying to kill her! So I’m glad that we got a glimpse of a diff perspective. Still hurt to re-live ground zero tho

In turner, Alex, and to some degree pammie’s cases, I can understand why they meet the criteria for murder, as justified as it was in some situations. It’s a little blurrier with Tripp, though, and I think an argument could be made that Pammie didn’t really murder her victim. So that leads me to think that maybe the murder requirement to get into hell is based more on a person’s own feelings of guilt or regret rather than some objective external judgement, which I think could have some interesting implications!

LOVE that darlington’s personal hell is trying to rebuild a ruined Black Elm, I feel like that illustrates both his love and hate for the house really well!! Nice nod to Sisyphus in Greek mythology also!

FINALLY some good wheelwalker content!!! Basically crumbs but I LOVE the imagery of Alex and the blue flames. I wonder why they’re blue?? Blue fire is supposed to be the hottest after white, right???

Anselm has rly done a magnificent job of disappointing me, which is somehow still very satisfying!! Honestly if he’s the next murder victim…….my condolences to his family ig

Love how everyone basically drags themselves out of hell completely distraught, having come so close to success only to fail, and Mercy is like great job team let’s get them in the next half!!

The demons………oof. Alex reuniting with Hellie was ROUGH man. Kind of cool how as the reader, Leigh put us in hellie’s head, which meant that when you start clocking that something’s off it’s not just like “next logical plot point”, it was like actually realizing something was wrong the same way Alex did. The hellie we got a glimpse of would NEVER say those things to alex!!! And we knew that not just bc Alex told us, but bc we actually got to read it and draw those conclusions ourselves.

I would bet my entire family that my prediction abt Lionel and the praetor is correct. They were 100% in love back in their school days and now demon Lionel is gonna kill the praetor via some gruesome/emotionally manipulative manner as literary comeuppance for his misogyny!

The talismans? Excellent. Superb. Dare I say, delightful. MORE COSMO EASTER EGGS. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I cannot wait to learn what that little guy’s deal is!!

The vampire’s visit…..uh oh. My theory is that Michelle is working for him, bc I feel like I remember her having a white umbrella at some point?? It’s a toss up whether she’s being coerced or doing it for her own benefit, I really couldn’t say. Maybe he’s turning her into a vampire?? And that’s how she’s connected to the murders???

I paused halfway through the return of Eitan, which I have mixed feelings abt tbh. I still keep feeling like his storyline is kinda tacked on needlessly, but I also do think he’s a fascinating character, so we’ll see how the rest of the convo goes. It’s also just like….Alex literally killed a room full of people that WERENT actively out to get her. What is the hold up here.

Love a good Lauren tidbit!! I’m curious to see how the rooming issue resolves. I would like for them to bring her into the fold somehow, but I also feel like the direction they’re going in is that Alex and Mercy are ultimately going to leave her out for her own protection, thereby alienating her and sacrificing their friendship. That’s definitely NOT my ideal outcome, though. Ideal would be Lauren getting to join them and get some character development. What can I say, I have a soft spot for the vinyl girlies bc…..I am one.

Now, to see what eitan has to say for himself! Next you hear from me will be, gasp……the end. I can’t believe it, I’ve been waiting for this book so long and idk if I’m ready for the next wait!!! Hhhhhnnnnng ok bye

#alex stern #leigh bardugo #ninth house

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jungk0oksthighs · 2 years

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Okay so these are my top picks from the PG update! (PG is the best ff I’ve ever read btw you’re soooo talented it’s crazy!)

Yoongi… kinda feeling him actually, he obviously cares for OC and had the balls to warn Jungkook away from her knowing what he is. That’s hot

Yoongis roommate has to be a vampire, he washed his hands and after coming into contact with the rose thorn and when oc said ur roommate won’t be drinking it what’s the problem, yoongis word choice I feel is super important and foreshadowing: “not directly, no” - maybe he and his roommate have a similar relationship to jk and oc? Blood donating I mean! That’s why he couldn’t drink it

Okay LORD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL - Jungkook saying he’s not jealous while displaying classic jealous boyfriend behaviour is exquisite, he’s down baaaad for her. He seemed to soften when oc confirmed nothing had happened between her and Yoongi. Come on JK you’re so messy and obvious rn

The first quote I wanna point out: “you’d only turn if you died with my blood in your system, and you’re even more of a fool than I thought if you haven’t realised by now I would never let that happen” UMMMM OKAAAY

“The unfathomable desire to have you… makes me feel human again.” OKAY OK OK WE SEEING THE REAL JUNGKOOK HERE NOW MY GUY DOES NOT WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE. MY CHEST HURTS

“If I had a soul it would already be yours” OH THE WAY THAT HIIIIIT!! I’ve never come across a dialogue so poignant in fanfic before. It’s so memorable and profound and holds a thousand potential meanings and yeah I’ll be thinking about that line forever, kudos author truly what a spectacular piece of literature there

OKAY AND ANOTHER NOTE I REALLY REALLY LIKED! When jk told oc to get out and she was like “you don’t get to kiss me like that and pretend it never happened” STORMING OVER TO HIM, yesssss girrrrrrl!!! The TENSION from that line alone. Especially when it was never finished bc Jungkook kissed her again to shut her the hell up

Honestly I can feeeeel their emotions, your description is so well written like I completely understand and know how they yearn for each other so badly but of course they’re both hesitant for their own reasons

So I’ve been stalking your blog and nobody else has mentioned this. HE. ALMOST. BIT. HER. LIKE!!!???!!!?! JUNGKOOK. ALMOST. BIT. OC!!! And he “doesn’t bite / feed directly from humans / the vein” LIKE ?!?! THATS HUUUUUUGE

In case this wasn’t clear enough I really fucking loved this update, thank you for sharing your talent with us I can’t believe this is a free fanfiction! Its written better than every book I’ve ever read, I MEAN that too I’m a book nerd and nothing even comes close to the slow burn / intensity and overall seductive theme of PG!

Oh and that kiss… That’s the best kissing scene I’ve ever read, periodt. So beautifully written and captured all her emotions, and the DIALOGUE leading up to the kiss??? Shiiiiiit it was so so so intense and good y’all

Thank you so much for sharing this masterpiece with us! I’m 100% going to binge read the whole of your masterlist now as I’m pretty new here, I’ve only fully read PG and HER (and the change of pace is? UNNERVING, you can legitimately write anything!!!)

Author, you forever have my love and respect. Thank you for sharing such wonderful work with us and giving us great fanfics to escape with, i sincerely hope you get published one day ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

OH MY GOODNESS OKAY, WOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO SEND THIS MESSAGE IT MUSTVE TAKEN YOU SO LONG TO WRITE! Let’s unpack this:

Ooooh my goodness your first two points already… wow. I can’t confirm or deny anything to avoid spoilers of course but wow! Your brain is doing overtime and i LOVE your thoughts!! Interesting!! I’m glad at least one of u is a fan of neighbour Yoongi here hehe, everybody else seems to be sus of his behaviour!

Oh wow the way you’ve picked up on these quotes and analysed them I’m so beyond flattered right now :( thank you :( ahhhh!!! I love writing PG jk dialogue bc he’s obviously much older than oc and speaks like he’s from a different era sometimes and it’s very fun to play around with, it means so much that you think his lines are poignant :( thank u :(

Ooooof we love oc for doing that actually!!! The way she was like oh hell no we aren’t done here and Jungkook just… sigh… I’m so weak for this couple u have no idea. Thank u for picking up on that detail!

AHHH SOMEONE NOTICED YES JUNGKOOK ALMOST BIT HER AHHH SOMEONE NOTICED THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POINTING THIS OUT MY DARLING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, YES this is HUGE !!!!

Oh my god I’m actually a little emotional rn, thank you for being so kind and taking the time to read the update and then analyse it and send me this message I’m just… so flattered right now! Thank you so much!!! 🥹😭 I hope you enjoy reading through my other works!!! Thank you for being here (naming u flame heart anon from now ok) and thank you again for being so genuinely sweet with your review/analysis of the PG update, you’re amazing and I appreciate u so much!!! 😭😭 sending lots of love to u!!!! 💜💜💜💜

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raraeavesmoriendi · 2 years

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(discussion of family death below)

so today might be the day my mom’s dad passes. he’s been deteriorating pretty fast since he and my grandma moved in with my parents in december, and my mom came up this morning to tell me she and gran are seeing All the Signs (my aunt passed at my grandmother’s five house years ago, so they’re both familiar with how home deaths look).

I don’t have a good relationship with my mom’s dad - none of the women(/whatever I am) in the family do. he’s just always been a bad grandfather and a worse dad, and I’ve been furious with him since he demanded my mom to drive him to work at the ass-crack of dawn literally the morning after her sister passed from a long and painful illness, when he’s self-employed and hadn’t provided solid income for years. he’s just always been a selfish dude who was in it to make a quick buck at the expense of everyone else in his family, and he wasn’t even good at it bc he and my grandma have extremely limited savings that she basically has had to watch like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t blow it on something stupid. she already found out a few weeks ago that he asked the guy watching their house to repair the bed of a truck that doesn’t even run, if you need an example.

so rn I’m upstairs in my childhood bedroom bc my mom told me it was probably going to be either today or tomorrow, and I know I need to suck it up and get in the shower so I can be downstairs/present/keeping them company, but I just feel kind of… stuck? like. this man I’ve been angry at forever is passing or on his way, my mom and grandma are kind of trapped bc they don’t want to be away from here/him when he does even though I’ve gotten the vibe from both of them that they’ll kind of be relieved when he’s reunited with the rest of his batshit family, and I just needed a space to quick let this out bc I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing the rest of the day besides poking around on my laptop downstairs and twiddling my thumbs waiting for an old dude to kick it.

idk, I’m sure this makes me sound like a raging turbo-bitch 5000 and I’ve accepted that, but I can’t help but feel a little bitter at this guy who’s barely been a background figure in my life for decades - who literally lost interest in me as soon as I stopped being a cute chubby infant, but still wants to feel like he’s passing on some bullshit wisdom or whatever to my younger brother - and mad that he isn’t leaving my gran, his only wife of six decades at least, with anything but debt and an old house that she never liked that he let slide into disrepair bc he kept spending their money on useless shit.

I’m glad my family can take care of him at this stage, bc that’s what family is for and we would never dream of leaving my mom’s folks vulnerable or hurting, but I can’t help but still be angry on behalf of the three women I love more than anything whose needs he never once considered before his own, the two left alive now having to bear the brunt of his decades of shit-for-brains decisions.

anyway. family is complicated, if you have a grandpa who is/was actually worth a damn, pour one out for me tonight 🖤 that’s a lucky, lucky thing, and I’m missing my dad’s dad a whole fuck of a lot right now.

#death tw #and then rarae says #family is messy and I’m glad I’m here but I also wish I was back at my place rn

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blonkk · 1 year

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had an epiphany last night after debriefing ab this winter’s dalliances w my friend!!!!!

uhhhhhh. basically i grew up with the knowledge that i was never either of my parents’ preferred child. like i knew. everyone knew. and everyone still knows and my entire family and everyone i’ve ever loved has never loved me as much as i did them and prefer me to stay away. and it’s very whiny and boohoo wahhh but deadass my entire family believes that i am the problem in every single conflict and have been telling me that my entire life. like it’s your fault brother misbehaves it’s your fault father doesn’t like talking to you it’s your fault sister is depressed and won’t speak to anyone it’s your fault brother is lonely it’s your fault mother is angry it’s your fault that fights of any kind happen at all. and even in the past few years where i am literally holding my tongue and forcing myself to stay calm when people are verbally abusing me and talking shit and blaming me for shit and screaming bloody murder at me it’s ALWAYS my fault. they will always have someone to blame and it will always be me!!!

also weirdly they always assume the worst of me. they assume i’m jealous, greedy, selfish and self centered, even cruel and apathetic about people close to me. i want to destroy x’s marriage, i want to be as good as Y, i am malicious and vindictive…..when i’ve literally allowed every single one of them to stomp all over me countless times and forgiven them countless times…..and every time i’ve had enough and try to take care of myself for once i’m STILL the bad guy bc it hurt their feelings……….it’s insane. they literally watch with their mouths open while i’m being verbally abused by someone who’s not even a part of our family for years and years and don’t say a thing. this person knows they can treat me that way because everyone else does and no one ever has my back. even my own parents.

all i’ve ever done my whole life is put literally everyone, even people i don’t give a shit about, before myself because it’s the only way i ever gained any affection or praise or love of any kind. and STILL they only think awful things of me.

SOOOOO i realized that i’ll never truly know what love is in any capacity, because from my time as an innocent child to a confused and dour teen to the wretch of a woman i am today, i was never loved in a fully reciprocal and healthy way, not even by my parents and immediate family

and i unconsciously seek out relationships and friendships and even employment where the only way i have value is by offering services and as soon as i can’t or don’t no one wants to be around me……………..and i’m like well yah no shit it’s cause you’re useless……………

or i seek out friendships/am attracted to people who don’t really care about me as much as they do someone else (i have a weird attraction to men in relationships. like it’s actually fucked up). but i think it’s because i KNOW that there’s someone they’ll always prefer more than me and i have to prove that i’m worth like. crumbs and snippets

like 😂 i wonder how much more secure and healthy and NORMAL i’d be if my parents just kept that shit to themselves. like did i really need to know????? how has it improved my life???? be normal and pretend to love and respect and care about your children equally. jesus christ

therapy could never wriggle this out of me. i literally only figured it out last night while i was talking and realized as i was talking that i’ve known it all along. it’s so fucked. anyways like it’s good to know ig but wtf am i supposed to do w this information like ….childhood is so small. so short. but the damage is done for life. it’s not like i can experience true unconditional parental love again. and gain the life skills and experience necessary to be a healthy functional and confident adult. and pass that on. i’m just fucked yo and there’s nothing that can be done because there’s no one in my life from my childhood to now and everyone new that comes in will eventually see all the things wrong with me if i actually relax around them. so 🤷🏽‍♀️ we move ig

#dni #personal #what’s that quote….why does my hypervigilnce not help me be happier but takes me further away?#or some shit #i wish i was ignorant

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sunflower-jam · 2 years

Text

I have another bitch fit keep scrolling

Why do I have to be such an unloveable person. Like I know Why I’m not loveable and that I don’t even really put myself out there to even find love or be loved by the people around me but it’s so hard for me. I don’t even know why it wasn’t that hard before but now I have to have a bitch fit to myself on tumblr bc I don’t even want to bother the little bit of friends I have left and idk if it’s bc I don’t want to bother them or bc I don’t even think they care about me anymore. I’m not worth keeping around as a friend tbh if I was my friends I don’t think I’d care about me either. I feel weird compared to them and not weird in a quirky way more weird in a “I want to fit in with you guys so bad so if I don’t put up this slightly polished version of myself then you will all hate me and leave me behind bc I can sense that you all enjoy each other presence and I feel like I annoy you and that I’m unwanted in your space ”. I can see and feel them slowly leaving me and I’m not mad at all about it cause I get I’m not funny,smart,or interesting to talk to I feel very surface level with everyone and that I don’t really know anyone deeply anymore even though I crave that. I want to be around people and have my friend group enjoy my presence but I don’t know how to change myself to make that happen.

It’s also weird to be the only person in a friend group where no one likes you. Like my 3 friends either have a partner or could have one at the drop of a hat and I couldn’t have either. I don’t know if it’s bc of how I look or act or because I just I’m not that outgoing of a person but I am yet to actually have someone who likes me outside of the fact they can tell I like them and I’m just easy prey so they use me for whatever amount of time they need to make themselves feel loved or to just have this constant babbling idiot with them to keep them entertained. Im so pathetic i really am bc like why am I so desperate for someone to love me and care for me when I can’t even picture myself in a relationship like I could never picture myself being the reason someone is kicking their feet and smiling at their phone. Also I don’t even know if I want love or if I just want someone to cuddle me and say they are proud of me and that I’m pretty cause either would probably make me burst into tears. I think I’m just really desperate for attention. Which I know I don’t deserve praise bc I’ve done nothing to be praised for but I just want that one thing ya know?

I’m also not a pretty person so I don’t understand why I even get sad that no one has ever liked me or even hit on me and I’m starting to realizing how ugly peoples actually think I am. My older sister a couple weeks ago told me that I’ve never put any effort into my appearance besides the bare minimum and I don’t know if she meant for it to be that mean or for it to hurt my feelings that much but like I try my best with the very little energy I have and she is so naturally pretty (I think it’s very agreed upon that I am the ugliest sibling). It’s not like I don’t try because I try very very hard to pretty but my sensory issues can’t stand the makeup or the heels and I am not mentally secure enough to wear tight clothing and my hair is to much for me to handle so I just throw it in a low ponytail and hope for the best but I do try to be pretty with what I’m able to do and I know it’s not really enough but god do I wish it was. I don’t think it will ever be enough no matter what I do to my face bc it’s not like I have a ugly face and a cute body I’m more like ugly all around and literally all I’ve been thinking about was how much my family talks about my weight behind my back. Which I know that you can be fat and beautiful but it literally just doesn’t look right on me. I overheard my mother tell my brother she doesn’t think I can fit in the seatbelts in the back seat which I very much can fit in the seatbelts btw but like am I that big looking? Like I’m not small don’t get wrong but like I don’t think I’m that big and now it’s all I can think about and it makes me physically nauseous to eat and I’m kinda hopping that nausea stays bc maybe then when I’m smaller someone will actually think I’m pretty and maybe someone will give me a chance and actually want to get to know me. I’m gonna shut up more before I start to spiral.

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shingia · 3 years

Note

can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,

thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗

me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3

-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi

-> angst to fluff

-> reblogs help a lot <33

— SUNA

• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did

• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you

• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?

• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »

• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »

• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them

• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »

• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second

• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner

• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside

• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him

• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you

• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working

• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in

• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »

• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing

• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »

• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things

• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him

• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?

• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...

— AKAASHI

• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him

• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy

• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if

• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night

• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings

• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »

• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »

• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »

• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »

• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »

• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin

— ATSUMU

• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls

• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now

• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one

• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention

• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over

• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :

• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken

• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him

• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way

• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.

• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »

• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first

TAGLIST : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst to fluff #haikyuu imagines #suna rintarou x reader #akaashi x reader #iwaizumi x reader #atsumu x reader #suna fluff #akaashi fluff #iwaizumi fluff #atsumu fluff #suna angst #iwaizumi angst #atsumu angst #akaashi angst

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spencersawkward · 3 years

Note

omg I’m so excited you’re on here and taking requests!! do you think you could do something like baby Spence losing his virginity to a close friend & it’s like adorable, goofy, fluffy smut bc he cannot get over the fact that he’s actually having sex with someone

I’VE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE-- TURN IT UP!!!

on a serious note, i'm so glad you asked for this one bc i really wanna add a scene like this in the fic i'm working on rn. i'm v excited.

summary: when the secret of Spencer's virginity gets accidentally spilled in front of the whole team, reader goes to check on him.

word count: 5.6k

relationship: Fem!Reader/Spencer Reid

content warnings: unprotected penetrative sex, creampie, fluff.

masterlist

hanging out with the team is easily the best part of the week. after spending days in Arizona with our focus entirely on the most recent case, my mind is practically ready to snap. I feel like I've been running on fumes, and when Penelope suggested we take the evening to hit our favorite bar, I was practically already out the door.

so now I'm sandwiched between JJ and Emily as we throw back our first shots of the night. my skin is already flushed with the elation of laughter, the pleasant thrum of conversation that surrounds us.

"that's bitter." JJ makes a face when she slams the empty glass on the table. I screw up my nose.

"why did we pick vodka?" I hate vodka.

"it gets the job done." Emily laughs. I shudder at the aftertaste that sits on my tongue.

Morgan wanders over, Pen on his arm while she totes a brightly colored pink alcohol. they're flirting as usual, but she pauses in her witticisms to grab my arm.

"we're playing truth or shot in that booth over there." she says to me, then gets the attention of the other two women. I let out a disbelieving laugh.

"truth or shot? like truth or dare but without the dare?"

"Reid, is that you?" Morgan says sarcastically. I slug him in the arm with a pout.

"be nice." but I'm giggling. he loops his arm through mine and we head back to the table, Penelope already starting a new conversation with JJ and Prentiss as they follow. Spencer is sitting in the booth with an Arnold Palmer, sipping from the straw like it's his job. I slide into the spot next to him.

"hi, you." I smile. "I haven't seen you at all tonight."

he holds up his glass. "I don't really drink."

"that's fine," I wave it off. "I just meant I wanted to hang out with you."

"oh." he smiles a little. "sorry."

"no big deal. you're here now." I shrug and turn to Pen as she calls my name.

"I'm gonna order a bottle. that okay?" she points to the bar with a mischievous smile. glancing once at Spencer and his slightly awkward position between Morgan and me, I make a snap decision.

"you know what? I think I'll just have a lemonade."

"you sure? Jayge said you spent the whole plane ride back talking about getting wasted--" Penelope's words cause a blush to spread over my face. I cut her off.

"I'm sure. thanks, Penny."

she nods. "of course, sweet cheeks."

I focus back on Reid, who is looking at me gratefully. he would never say it out loud, but I know he feels a little out-of-place sometimes. it's hard enough for him to come out with us to bars; the least I can do is be a sober friend. I open my mouth to start a conversation about an article I read the other day when Prentiss speaks.

"okay, so... who's ready?" her voice, always so certain, carries over the table. all of us make enthusiastic noises of assent, and she grins as Penelope returns with an armful of glasses. Derek gets up to grab the actual alcohol, and then when we're all settled in, the game begins.

"the rules are simple: you tell the truth, or you drink!" the tech analyst explains. the stakes for Spencer and me are lower, but that doesn't really matter. I'm excited to hear the team divulge their secrets.

"I'll start." Prentiss doesn't even hesitate before she looks at Morgan. "Derek, are you still sleeping with that one woman from sex crimes?"

Morgan raises his eyebrows at the question, irises flitting between Emily and the rim of his drink. there's a slight smirk on his face; he knows what a player he is and he's okay with flaunting it.

"Ally? no." he sighs. "things didn't end well between us."

"what? why?" I ask, eyes widening before I look around at everyone. "who is this woman?"

"cool your jets, sparky." Morgan teases me. "only one question per round."

"I'll tell you later." Prentiss raises her drink in my direction and winks.

"uh, no no." Morgan attempts to stop her, but JJ interrupts him.

"speaking of things not ending well," she says loudly. "Pen, why did you and Sam break up?"

"well," Penelope sticks her tongue between her teeth as she thinks it over with a devilish smile. her lips are a ruby red tonight, bright against her pale skin and big eyes. "to be completely honest, he just wasn't... doin' it for me. you know?"

"like--?" Emily glances down at her lap. Pen nods quickly and I snicker. JJ looks awestruck.

"I thought it was going so well."

"it was, but..." Penelope seems to genuinely think this over before she speaks. "if it's right, it just clicks. and it never clicked with Sam."

"profound." I compliment, high-fiving the high-energy blonde. we giggle before she turns to me with a glint in her eye.

"oh, do I have a plan for you," she smirks. "tell me, Y/N: if you had to sleep with one person on our team, who would it be?"

"women included?" I clarify, my cheeks suddenly on fire. how come everyone got easy questions except for me? I'm really just biding time.

"of course." she nudges my shoulder. I mull this over for a minute. I could say the truth, but I don't think that would be the right thing to do. however ironic that is. given the situation, I do something which I have never been good at and which I don't enjoy doing: I lie.

"although all of you are catches," I preface. "I think I would probably pick Emily."

Prentiss almost chokes on her own spit as her head snaps to see my face.

"me?" she asks.

"low-pressure fun." I shrug, the stress of the moment rolling off my shoulders with the ensuing laughter of my team members. Spencer takes a sip of his drink and peeks at me from his spot before I focus my attention to JJ.

we go on like this for a while, our original plan of "truth or drink" really just turning into a game of "truth and drink." as our laughter gets progressively louder, our questions and answers get progressively more provocative. we get into risky territory towards the fourth round, and I can practically feel Spencer's discomfort radiating off of him. thank god everyone has been taking it easier on him with their questions.

that is, until Morgan hits about five shots and decides to throw him to the wolves.

"so, Reid," he asks. there's no malice in his tone and I'm sure he's not meaning to embarrass the boy genius, but the question makes me wince anyways. "have we made any progress on the virginity front?"

it's like a fucking pall over the table. Reid goes rigid in his spot, and JJ's protective eyes dart between him and Morgan. Penelope's jaw drops.

"wait, Reid, you're a--?" her voice is tender, not judgmental, but Spencer's cheeks turn pink and he looks at Derek with a hurt expression.

"not cool." he says, body shifting in my direction. his eyes communicate everything; without a word, I know what he wants. I scoot out of the booth, letting him slip by me to walk outside.

truly, I'm speechless. we all stare at his lanky frame push through the door, but nobody talks until at least fifteen seconds pass.

"what the hell was that, Morgan?" JJ asks.

"I thought everyone knew--" he throws his hands up. "I swear I wouldn't have said anything if--"

"why would everyone know that?" I feel myself get angry for Spencer's sake. "that's an incredibly personal thing, especially to him."

"that wasn't you, my love." Penelope's voice is soft, sobered by the incident that just occurred. the playful air at the table is officially ruined, and we keep glancing at the doorway like Reid will come back in and everything will be fine. he doesn't.

"I'm gonna go apologize." Morgan starts to get up, seemingly beginning to realize the weight of his words. it's one thing to ask about Reid's sex life in general; it's another to point out specifically the entire absence of it. Spencer doesn't seem to be bothered by most things, but this is different. my heart hurts.

we watch Morgan go, the women all looking at each other with worried expressions.

"I feel bad." Penelope says.

"y'know, Spence never told me that." JJ observes.

"he really trusts Morgan." Prentiss says what we're all thinking. Morgan has always been like a big brother to him, and being embarrassed in front of your co-workers like that can't be a pleasant feeling.

we sit in a relative silence for about five minutes until Morgan walks back into the bar. he pulls out his wallet and pays for the drinks, then walks over to us.

"I'm gonna go for a walk. do you need me to call you all cabs?" he asks. those dramatic brows are drawn low over his face, emphasizing his regret. I look between my friends and clear my throat.

"it's okay. I only had one shot about an hour and a half ago. I can drive everyone home."

"okay," Morgan sighs, his head turning briefly to the door before focusing back on us. "drive safe, ladies."

and then he's gone.

"you guys ready?" I start to shrug my jacket on. they all nod and we get ready to go.

...

sitting in my apartment later that night, my head is swimming. even though it's none of my business what happens in Spencer's sex life, I wish I could tell him that it's okay. nobody cares at all if he's a virgin or not. but I know it's still embarrassing.

I hate that I lied earlier tonight, too. I wanted to say Spencer's name when they asked who I wanted, because I meant it. we're close, and I will always love him as a friend. but I've also always wanted more.

nobody, not even any of the other BAU women, know about my crush. I didn't want it to get in the way, or for it to come out and ruin my friendship with Reid. he doesn't like me like that, and that's fine, but what's not fine is not having him as my friend.

he was the first person I really connected with when I came here, and I feel a little protective over him, too.

once the clock hits eleven, I consider calling. he’s definitely not asleep yet. Spencer is a night owl. normally at this time he'd be curled up with a huge book, reading impossibly fast.

when he picks up on the third ring, the air leaves my lungs.

"Y/N?" he asks, more surprised than anything else.

"hey, Spence--" I hesitate, suddenly not sure what to say. sorry Morgan told everyone you're a fucking virgin? “do you wanna come over?"

maybe if I see him face-to-face, I'll be able to collect my thoughts better. the words hang in the air, festering over the line until I'm just about to take them back, before he replies.

"y-yeah. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

my hands are shaking at my side when I open the door for the tall genius. he's still wearing his outfit from earlier, hair slicked back like normal. I've settled for my usual sweatpants and t-shirt winning combo. it's not like he cares.

"hey." I smile, trying to read his micro expressions. there are two possible outcomes here, knowing him: either he's going to be totally, completely over it, or he'll be able to write a War-and-Peace-length book on why he's upset.

"hi." he gives a wan smile and I let him into my apartment, closing the door behind him and gesturing to the couch.

"I missed this place." he says absently, looking around at the mess of decor and case files. I snort as I recall the last time he was here. he wanted to borrow a book that I had, and we ended up watching an entire docu-series about homing pigeons. it was surprisingly interesting; mostly because his commentary is both informative and funny.

"it missed you." I anthropomorphize my living space, but the phrase hangs heavy. I'm worried about him. I'm always worried about Spencer. he turns to look at me, opening his mouth to say something. I brush past him and walk into the kitchen. "coffee?"

"sure." he follows me like a lost puppy, leaning against the counter while I pull out two mugs and get to work.

"hey," I pause for a moment to look him in the eyes. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry-- about what happened... tonight."

"oh, that?" he scoffs, waves it off unconvincingly. "it's fine."

I raise my brows the slightest bit, never breaking eye contact. he wouldn’t have come if he didn’t want to talk about it. he cracks easily.

"it's just embarrassing, you know?" he says, staring out my kitchen window to alleviate his own nerves. I gesture for him to follow me back into the living room and I sit down criss-cross applesauce on the couch. he mirrors me, kicking off those cute black Converse.

"I don't think the fact itself is embarrassing, but I totally get why it feels that way. he shouldn't have said anything." I nod.

"like, that's personal. a-and--" he hesitates a moment, gesticulating wildly now. "and it's not like he's got any right! at least I don't go around with so many girls that I forget their names."

the thought of Reid sleeping with that many women is a little bit funny, but it also makes my stomach twist with jealousy.

"did he apologize?"

"yeah, he did. and he was drunk, I know." he rolls his eyes. "I'm overreacting."

"no, really, you're not." without thinking, I scoot closer to him and place my hand over his, which is sitting on his knee. I remember that Spencer is usually pretty averse to touch, but when I move it back to my lap, he seems a little disappointed. I wonder if he gets lonely.

"is it weird?" the question sounds raw, like he's mustering a lot to hear my response. I shake my head immediately.

"well, for one, Spence, I would never judge anyone based on their sex life, period." I chuckle. "and two, no way! if you aren't into having sex at this point in your life-- or ever-- that's totally your choice and you're entitled to it."

his eyes meet mine, pools of honeyed hazel that swim with a slightly amber shade. his face is so pretty, it's sometimes unbelievable to me that he doesn't get more action. bone structure that would make a sculpture envious.

"that's the thing," he licks his lips nervously before averting his gaze again. "I am interested-- I just don't-- well, I don't--"

"don't have someone to do it with?" I suggest with a slight smile. he nods, then clarifies.

"girls don't really seem to be interested in me."

I let out a laugh, unable to contain myself. his head jerks up to frown in confusion. I’m quick to amend myself.

"Spence, that's not true at all. you're such a catch! you're sweet and funny and way smarter than anyone I know. not to mention that you're adorable." I compliment, letting some of the thoughts I've been keeping to myself bubble to the surface. "any girl would be beyond lucky to be with you, sexually or not." Spencer blushes at my words, but the squirming in his spot tells me that it makes him feel warm inside. he smiles a little.

"you think?" it's genuine. he appreciates being praised, and it makes my heart flutter when he gives me that expression like I've made his night.

"I know." more of what I want to say rolls around my mind, unsure of whether or not I should admit it. but I think that right now, it'll only serve to make him feel better. "actually, I should tell you something."

"what?" he's curious now.

"when we were at the bar and Penelope asked who I'd be with... on the team... I lied."

"okay." he nods, somehow not connecting the dots. I guess it doesn't matter if they've got enormous IQs; boys are still clueless.

"I was gonna say you." the truth presses from the inside out, lifting a weight off my chest now that it's out there. even if he doesn't return that feeling, I'm suddenly glad that I told him.

"me?" he gestures to his narrow chest. I nod.

"yeah. I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable or embarrass you in front of our friends." I explain. he breaks into a grin.

"thanks." like I've given him something. I feel myself smiling as well, and then we're just looking at each other. tension that neither of us is willing to break. as much as I'd like to take him right here right now, he hasn't said anything about actually having sex or even about being attracted to me. for all I know, he could be completely indifferent.

"listen, Spence--"

"would you be willing to--" we speak at the same time, both of us stopping and laughing awkwardly.

"sorry, you go first." I offer, and he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.

"would you want to... um..." he scratches the back of his neck before his eyes meet mine. "try it?"

"sex?" I raise my eyebrows. he nods. I try to find the right response. that’s more assertive than I expected. my pulse is fast, daring me to tell the truth. "I mean-- yes, I would love to-- but are you sure you want it to be with me, Spence? what about a girl that you like?"

"you are a girl that I like." he says this like it's matter-of-fact, like it's obvious. my heart stops in my chest before it starts to hammer.

"really?" a smile makes its way onto my face.

"I thought you knew."

"no." I laugh. my chest is full of sunlight.

"well, you are."

there's a brief silence where I try to get myself back on track. he likes me, too.

"are you sure you want to do this?" I glance at the space between our bodies, which has grown steadily smaller over the course of our conversation. Spencer is watching my every move with an intensity that tells me he's nervous.

"yes." he's unwavering.

"okay, well, you've kissed girls, right?" I inch closer. he nods.

"one."

"oh, Spencer," I sigh contentedly. "I have so much to teach you."

right after I say this, Spencer shifts uncomfortably in his seat. it's only then that I notice his hand covering his lap, the erection that's forming beneath his pants. my eyes flick up to his hungrily.

"sorry." he apologizes.

"don't be." our faces are inches apart and he's practically holding his breath. "I'm gonna kiss you. is that okay?"

"yes." he replies immediately. I place my hands gently on the side of his face, admiring the softness and sharpness of his jaw when I pull him to me, kissing him with a suppressed desire. his mouth is soft against mine, a little anxious to move. after a moment, he starts to relax.

his lips part and I deepen our contact, tilting my head and keeping it mostly mild at first. I don't want to shove my tongue down his throat. our knees are touching and his hand hesitantly finds my waist, the other going to run through my hair. I sigh into him, his fingertips a new sensation that I adore.

Spencer begins to give in a bit more to himself, asserting himself in the kiss and slipping his tongue over my bottom lip. I almost laugh at how quickly he gets the hang of it. he reads my body language effortlessly, not even skipping a beat when I climb into his lap and lace my arms around his neck.

"is this okay?" I pull away momentarily. he nods.

"you're so pretty." an unrelated response, but appreciated nonetheless. I laugh and peck his nose.

"thanks." and then we're back to making out, his hands resting on the small of my back. it's nice. I could stay like this forever, just pressed against Spencer while my fingers thread through his soft hair. he's cautious with me, and it's innocent.

I can feel his boner, can feel from the eagerness of his kisses that he's trying not to bring up the fact that he's literally just throbbing in his pants right now. in order to give him a little of what he wants, I start to rock my hips against his.

Spencer whimpers into my mouth. I stop and look down at him.

"do you want me to stop?"

"no, god, no— never stop." he's mindless in his reply, already grabbing my hips greedily and trying to regain that friction. I shake my head with a chuckle, then resume my actions. he starts to rut up against me, groaning into our embrace while his hands get more adventurous.

I withdraw, breaking the kiss to straighten up. he doesn't stop the microscopic pushes of his hips. I bite back a smile, enjoying the friction, too.

"do you wanna take my clothes off, Spence?" I ask softly.

"y-yes." he replies, gingerly taking the hem of my top and beginning to lift it over my head. when he places it on the couch beside me, his eyes immediately fall to my bra. slender fingers run up my bare waist, his watch glinting in the candlelight. when he doesn't immediately reach to unclasp my bra, I grab his wrist and guide it to the clasps myself. he moves with a surprising ease, unsnapping the thing and grazing over my skin as he slides the straps down my shoulders. I can tell that he’s shaking a tad, but it doesn’t hinder him.

the second that he's discarded the lingerie, he looks up at me with moony eyes.

"can I... kiss you?" he looks at my bare chest. "here?"

"of course, Spence." I nod. he presses his lips to the space between my ribs, drags them up to the valley between my breasts. lingers, then attaches himself to one of my nipples. I sigh, throwing my head back at the way he moves intuitively, sucking and running his tongue over the peak. he squeezes the other breast, plays with the nipple and starts to acquaint himself with the curves of my body.

the whole time, he's straining against my core, rutting helplessly in pleasure. it feels heavenly, with that sweet face of his so devoted to making me feel good, that I nearly stray from the purpose of the experience.

"Spencer..." I breathe. he moans at the sound of his name, then looks up at me from his place sucking on my tits. his teeth graze of my skin and I buck into his lap, causing him to groan appreciatively. my fingers tangle in his soft hair.

"Y/N," he pulls away from my chest, his lips making a soft popping sound. I gaze down at him, a bit lost in the fantasies running through my head. he's a natural. "can we, um-- like, expedite this process a little?"

"expedite the process?” I repeat back to him, giggling at his formality.

"what?" his voice goes up an octave, but he's smiling. "you know what I mean."

"I really do." I lean down, pressing my thumb into his jaw and angling his face up to mine to kiss. while his hands curiously move over my body, I start to push down the waistband of my sweatpants. I break contact just for a moment to peel them off, and he releases a quiet whine. it's cute.

"come back." he says softly, watching as I slide the bottoms down my legs, leaving me in my panties.

"I'm back." I peck his cheek, climb into his lap again. "can we take off your clothes, too?"

"mhmm." he nods. his lips part when my fingers work at the buttons of his shirt, undoing them with a torturous slowness. I can feel his eyes on my face the whole time.

"what?" I chuckle, peeking up at him for a moment before I pull his shirt open and run my palms up his chest, over his shoulders. he nearly shudders at the sheer touch.

"I just can't believe this is actually happening." he smiles in that way of his, like he's suppressing the depth of his emotions, with his brows slightly raised. I take the opportunity to enjoy the sight of him before me, his rapidly rising and falling chest, the smoothness of his skin.

"honestly?" I start to unbutton his pants, and he jerks up into my hand, blushing once he realizes the earnestness of his actions. I smirk encouragingly. "me, neither."

before I pull down his boxers, my eyes flick to his. "is this still okay?"

"Y/N," he groans. "if you don't do something, I'm gonna cum too early." he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment when my hand moves over his clothed erection, like he's holding on. "please."

"sorry." I release him from the confines. it hits his stomach and he waits for my reaction, as if he's afraid that I'll change my mind right now. but I'm definitely not going to. "holy fuck, Spencer."

"what?" he panics slightly, sitting up more. "is it not enough?"

"not enou--" I stutter, almost laugh. "no, it's plenty. I had no idea..."

"oh." he hides the pleased smile on his face, blush spreading over his pretty throat. in the interest of "expediting the process," I wrap my hand around the base of his cock and gently pump him.

Spencer's stomach tenses and he grabs onto the cushion of the couch with a tight fist, sighing.

"mmm..." he doesn't try to word his emotions, but I know. and I like that I'm making him feel this way, sharing this experience. Spencer and I are such close friends, I never thought we'd actually have sex. my assumption was that I'd watch him grow into himself, find a nice girl and treat her like a queen.

but here I am, spitting into my hand before jerking him off to prepare for what’s next. he’s throbbing, sounds coming from his throat.

"I'm gonna sit on it, okay?" I lean down to whisper in his ear. he touches my waist, my neck, kisses a random spot on my chest in the waves of pleasure that I'm giving him.

"o-okay." he mumbles, waiting for me to actually do it. and there's a moment of tense anticipation between both of us, when I sit up and pull my panties to the side. Spencer watches like I'm the only thing in the world, saving the memory of my body on top of his for later.

I run the head of his cock along my entrance, soaking him in the wetness between my thighs. I didn't realize how turned on I'd already gotten, and he lets out a quiet whine when he feels the evidence of how much I want him.

our eyes lock when I sink down. it's a new feeling for him, and the shape of his member as it stretches my walls causes me to bite my lip to withhold moaning too loudly. he whimpers, neck tensing and fingertips digging into my hips.

"o-oh." he sucks in a breath as I reach the halfway point. he's so big, I have to go slow in order not to overwhelm myself. but it feels good, too. like... unbelievably good. I grip onto his shoulders and my head falls forward into his shoulder.

"Spencer, holy shit." I moan.

"does it feel nice?" he asks, concerned for my own pleasure. I feel my chest flutter at the thoughtfulness of the boy wonder even when he's in the midst of losing his virginity, and I lower myself onto the rest of him.

"mhmm," I rest for a moment. "how do you feel?"

"like--" his breath hitches when I begin to rock back and forth on him. "like I've been missing out."

I can't help the giggle that slips past my lips, but then it quickly turns into a longing moan when he starts to thrust up into me like a helpless thing. Spencer is brilliant, but his brain cells go out the window when he throws his head back and begs me to move more.

I nod, raising and lowering myself until we reach a special pace. it's not fast or slow, just the two of us trying to stay in the moment while we hold on tightly to each other. I can feel the cool metal of his watch when he splays his hand out over my spine, the warmth of his breath while he pants against my shoulder.

he hits my g-spot over and over. my moans are torn from my throat by the burning of my lungs. it's like I can't breathe because I'm so focused on chasing the orgasm building in my stomach. and Spencer... I can tell he's almost finished.

the erratic nature of his jerking body tells me.

"I'm gonna cum..." he moans into my neck. "do- do you want me to pull out?"

"no." I arch my back and throw myself into the friction of our bodies. he stares up at me while I ride him, the merciless grinding of my hips because I just can't help myself. "oh my god, Spencer."

he notices how close I am and, in a surprisingly deft move, slides two fingers over my pussy to find my clit. the ensuing noise from me tells him that he's found it, and he begins to rub in quick circles. it's rough and hard, but that's exactly what I need right now.

"cum for me, Spence." I breathe. his free hand grips onto my thigh and pulls me over him, his own words unintelligible within the sounds of absolute pleasure.

"please." he begs for something I don't know, spills his seed inside of my pussy and holds onto me like I'm an anchor to this world while he peers into the next. the feeling of him spreading through my stomach, along with the reckless movements of his limbs and the way he looks at me while he rides out his orgasm, sends me over the edge.

"oh my fuck!" I collapse, grabbing his shoulders tightly and rolling myself down while he removes his fingers from my body. it's jarring, the intensity, like my normal functions can't respond correctly. all I can process is the tightening of my stomach, the pleasure between my legs, vision going slightly fuzzy at the edges. he moans when my cunt flutters around him, the muscles trying desperately to hold him here with me forever. I take deep breaths and slow down, my forehead dropping again while I start to remember my own name.

neither of us speaks. I think I'm still too in shock about what just happened, but in the best way. he keeps running his hands over my skin, then wraps his arms around my torso so that I'm pulled against his chest. I smile, kissing his ear before I finally break the silence.

"hi."

"hi." he's got a satisfied tone.

"do you need anything? water?" I ask, exhausted but realizing that this is still new for Spencer and it's my job to make sure he's as comfortable as possible. he nuzzles his nose into my clavicle and squeezes me tighter.

"stay here with me." there's a slight edge to his words. he's afraid of me leaving. I snuggle down, perfectly happy to remain. heat radiates from his skin, and I like the way it feels.

"of course."

we linger in each other’s arms, both of us coming back into the real world and holding on in an attempt to soften the blow. I just had sex with Spencer.

"thank you." he whispers into my hair.

"for what?" the smile on my face is lazy.

"for doing this."

"well, I really wanted to." I laugh. "so, I guess, thank you, too."

"you're quite welcome." his response is cheerful and then we're both laughing, the sound rumbling from his chest. "can we do it again at some point?"

"I would be happy to." I beam. the contented sigh that leaves his lips, followed by a slight sinking of our bodies down the couch in collective exhaustion, fills me with a joy that's quiet but obvious.

“I’ll last longer next time, I promise.” he says. I can practically hear the blush in his cheeks.

“you did amazing, Spence. don’t worry about it.” I press a few stray kisses to him.

I'll need to go clean up, soon, but it can wait a few more minutes. this is my favorite place on earth.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #virgin spencer #reader x spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid one shot #baby spencer reid

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alreadyblondenow · 3 years

Text

Each other’s replacements

▸ Na Jaemin x female!reader ▸ Inspired by the anime Scum’s Wish ▸ High school au, SMUUUUT, fluff and angst

Summary: Two broken hearts met unexpectedly and agreed to use each other so you can both move on from your exes. Your hearts belong to each other already, you’re just waiting for love to take place and make everything right. But will you both still choose each other in the future? Word count: 6,988k

Warnings: Using each other to forget your exes, ex Lee Jeno, kind of fuck buddies but no? Fingering, mentions of fingering, handjob, blowjob, and watching each other masturbate, mentions of taking nude photos after sex, Jaemin taking a picture of your naked body after sex (with consent ofc), uproctected sex, mentions of rough sex, making out, swearing, mentions of breakup, actual breakup

A/N: I hope you enjoy this Jaemin fic. I tried writing it as realistic as possible because I think Scum’s Wish is a very mature and realistic anime, I mean shit like that happens in real life. And I think Mugi is so fucking handsome. The ending of the series sux btw HAHAA bc I wanted them to end up together so heres my version of it.

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Three months have passed already when your ex-boyfriend Jeno broke up with you on a nice afternoon after school. The reason? Well, let’s just say he fell out of love. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and please him.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. And whenever Jeno cross paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that you’re not your normal self anymore. The cheerful and excited girl he fell in love with was gone and it’s all because of him. He can only wish that someone will bring you back and make you happy again.

“I’ll help you with that,” a cold manly voice interrupted you and your thoughts while you were having a hard time throwing the trash. He’s not part of your class, he’s one of Jeno’s classmates but you two were never introduced to each other.

You watch him throw the heavy trash for you and hoping that he will hand the bin afterward but he didn’t. “Lead the way, it’s dirty I’ll hold it for you” he insists, so you do as you’re told, showed him the way so you can finish this day as soon as possible.

Jaemin knew everything. It’s a small school and students usually gossip too much whenever a couple breaks up, especially after being together for so long. He knew who broke your heart, he also knew that you used to smile and be cheerful all the time because he has seen you in places and he knew you're capable of automatically lighting up the place whenever you’re around. But now… all he can see is a broken-hearted girl.

“Here,” you hand him a tissue and your hand sanitizer as a thank you for not letting your hands get dirty. He accepted it and gave you a small smile, obviously, he’s not shy and he was looking directly at you while his hands move. To be honest, you have no reason to be shy with each other, and honestly, you just don’t care anymore you just want to end this day. But Jaemin being the bold man that he is, bravely loosen up the ribbon of your school uniform and undid a few buttons from your school blouse. It was a common thing for students to do that after school as a sign that they're ready to head home and end their day. Jeno used to do it for you, and you didn’t expect Jaemin would do it. Despite the fact that you only met properly today.

You don’t know what happened but your heart was racing the moment he’s done adjust it and you just stare at his crooked tie and figured you may as well loosen it up for him too and return the favor. A bold move that Jaemin did not expect from a girl because he’s used to being with girls who become shy and all flustered after he makes a move.

But you, you’re different.

And that’s when Jaemin realized that you are a perfect match for him.

Word is Na Jaemin is pretty popular with girls. Besides Lee Jeno your ex, Na Jaemin is the second most handsome guy in school. Not only that he’s handsome, but you also know that he is passionate when it comes to photography, he’s naturally smart, not that nice, quiet but cocky, cold but can give anyone the right amount of attention if he wants to. But in your case, you have his full attention.

That afternoon, for the first time in three months, you did not go home alone, someone walked with you and watched you go inside your house.

The same cold but needed interaction with Jaemin happened over and over again until people started to gossip and think that you’re together. But it was nothing like that and you stopped caring about rumors a long time ago. Jaemin is nothing like Jeno, but he’s a gentleman, he’s straightforward but most of the time quiet. And most of the time you share silence not stories and you both love it that way.

You were different people but before you knew it, you were spending more time with each other.

On Valentine's day, you don’t know what came to his mind and brought you a bouquet of roses and gave it to you secretly. You were genuinely happy of course, but you just couldn’t smile that big and show him more. Seeing him from afar with a dozen roses and a smirk, with his black sling bag he uses for school that makes him so attractive… is enough to call your Valentine's day a memorable day.

“You’re special too,” he said and hands you the bouquet. “Ready to go home? Sorry I couldn’t help you with trash today, I picked these up right after school and rushed back-“

“Thank you” you cut him off with a friendly kiss on the cheek that made him blush and shy for the first time.

With a bouquet of roses on your left arm and the trash bin on your right hand, you came back to your classroom to get your stuff and put the bin back. You cleaned your hands and admire the roses as the afternoon sunlight hits them perfectly and finally come out again to meet Jaemin. Only to find him eavesdropping on the classroom near yours.

“What-“

“Shh” he cut you off with a ‘shh’ gesture and made you look at the half-closed door and made you listen to their conversation as well.

Jeno I like you too.

Were words that immediately ruined your day that Jaemin perfected. But this is not about you. Because when you turned your back and looked at the man beside you, you saw yourself. The pain that you’ve been feeling for months now, you saw it in Jaemin’s eyes too. Now you understand that you’re just two broken people who are still in pain. And you have no idea that he has been hurting too.

Of course, seeing Jeno with another girl hurt you badly, but seeing Jaemin get teary-eyed bothered you more. So you reached for his hand and whispered, ‘it’s okay’ even though it’s not, and walked away silently with him to continue your day together.

“Do you think they’re just doing this because people are gossiping about us?” you asked while you watch him stare at his coffee blankly. You’ve never seen him like this even though he’s always quiet and cold.

“N-no. I know my ex, uhm… she wouldn’t use anyone. Is Jeno-“

“No. I know him too. And I know that he’s happy when he found out about us,”

“So it’s true then. Their feelings for each other” he said and went back to staring at his coffee blankly.

You pursed your lips and let out a deep sigh. Allowing yourself to be hurt again by hearing the truth that you have been completely replaced in Jeno’s heart. There was silence. Then you decided to admire the flowers that Jaemin gave to you and feel the soft petals on your fingertips. This day could have been a turning page for the both of you, but now you’re both very sure that you’re not yet ready to open your hearts for somebody else.

“Red roses mean love and romance,” you said as you continue to admire the roses that he gave which made him smile a little. “Do you like me?” and just like that, you gave him the question that you’ve been meaning to ask for the past few months.

“I do” he answered without hesitating, which gave you a shock actually. “Do you?” he returned the question.

“I don’t,” you said the truth because you can’t repay him with lies. No. You can’t do that to Jaemin, “but you’ve become special to me. And I don’t want to lose you too,” Honestly you thought being honest to him will make him feel even more horrible but it didn’t. In fact, it brought the unique handsome smile you love seeing on his face.

“Though, it’s not right that we are using each other to forget our exes-“ you added but he cut you off immediately.

“But I need you, and honestly I’ve been very happy these past few weeks because of you” he confessed. And you wish that you could tell him the same thing but you can’t because it’s still Jeno. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not begging you to stay. You’re an adult and I have nothing against your decisions. But I really hope we could go back to normal and be closer now that we know what each other really feels. I will date you properly when the right time comes… Just not now that we're both still confused and not sure”

Everything did not make sense of course, and the right thing to do is refuse. But the past few weeks were actually good. Not great but still Jaemin was a huge change. So you nod your head and agreed that you should continue what you’re doing but promised each other that if either one of you feels pressured already, then you should stop.

As you continue seeing Jaemin and trying to move on from Jeno, you became comfortable with each other as days go by to the point that neither one of you cares if someone mentions that you look great together even though your relationship is not true.

It was a never-ending try to give each other the chance and love that you deserve. But at the same time, it was a never-ending process of healing from your exes, a never-ending heartbreak whenever you two hear something good about their relationship. And to be honest you’re both happy that you’re not facing this heartbreak alone.

You’re thankful for each other because you have each other’s backs. But in a different way.

Jaemin is thankful for you because he can hold your hand, hug you tightly from behind then whisper sweet words, and kiss your neck, whenever he wants to, and whenever he misses skinship with his ex.

You on the other hand, is thankful too because he does these various things to you and you can just close your eyes and he lets you imagine that he’s Jeno. Like now. You were just cuddling and watching the rain from his window when suddenly his hand roamed under your skirt while he was listening to you talk, and his cold fingers played on the hem of your panties. Teasing your pussy and moving his fingers up and down your wet cover slit.

“How does Jeno touch you? Is gentle? Rough?” He asks in the sexiest tone he ever used and started kissing your neck. You had a hard time answering his question because of what he’s doing, but your mind lurks on the memories you had with Jeno in his room.

You remember how Jeno fingered you in his bed, how two fingers always feel good and that’s how you like it, you remember that while his fingers are deep inside you, he is busy kissing your body. Planting soft kisses on your chest and on your boobs, kissing your nipples and making them sensitive and he puts them in his mouth and sucks it good until it's both swollen.

This is the first time Jaemin had touched you down there. And you swear, you don’t want him to stop and you just want to remove your panties and spread your legs for him.

“Jaem-“ you moaned out an airy tone. Calling his name with your eyes closed and parted lips. Feeling his fingers go up and down your wet slit still.

“Do you mean Jeno?” Jaemin asks. But truth be told he doesn’t mind you moaning his name instead on your first time going too far. And finally, he removed your panties and made you spread your legs for him which you gladly did. Putting two fingers slowly while he’s watching you make the sexiest faces that just simply makes him hard.

Jaemin never rushed, he took his sweet time with your body. Pushing you on the edge over and over again but you don’t know why you haven’t cum yet. His tongue and fingers together were somewhat calming and just made you breathe in and out deeply, which is relaxing while you spread your legs even more.

And when you finally came, it was a nice warm feeling all over your body. Like you just got out of the shower, wet and relaxed. Though you feel so tired, weak and sleepy... Jeno was never like this but your imagination was a big help that you moaned Jeno’s name a couple of times and that made Jaemin felt so accomplished.

“How about you? Don’t you want to cum?” you asked Jaemin while you watch him help you wear your panties again, kissing your thighs after.

“Maybe later,” he said, not admitting that he came earlier too, ruining his boxers briefs.

That day you did more than touching each other’s private parts but actually giving each other oral sex for the first time. His sheets were so ruined because he came so hard when you gave him a blowjob, a handjob and when he jerked himself in front of you while he watches you finger yourself. In return, he made you cum more than three times using his fingers and tongue. And you came home with a weak body and weak legs that you flopped straight in your bed and slept with a smile.

But there are times that it’s just the two of you. Just Jaemin and Y/n, no exes involved. Where you can be free being yourselves whenever you’re alone together. Like him snapping pictures of you out of nowhere while you’re busy kissing him, or whenever you just finished having sex and you’re both too lazy to get dressed again and he will suddenly capture amazing photos of you while you’re still naked in his bed, wearing nothing but the smile he gave you because of the sex.

“Hmm. Jaemin, these are beautiful. Can I have this one? I love seeing your works, it’s like I’m seeing myself through your eyes”

Little did you know that that simple compliment from you made him blush hard and his heart jump. It’s not every day he gets to be himself, but lately, he has been feeling so inspired with his craft and he had a good guess it’s because of you.

“You can keep this too, it’s one of my favorites,” he said and handed you a picture of you kissing him while he smiles so big and so handsome with both of your eyes closed. It’s a perfect moment, a moment that Jaemin captured in the middle of him being so happy that you’re showering him with kisses.

Jaemin is sweet and quiet as usual and he showers you with love and affection every day in his own way. He’s not the normal guy who will praise you and tell you that you’re beautiful, he will just simply look at you like you’re his favorite person in the world. Which you are now. He doesn’t talk too much because one, that’s his personality already and two, he simply loves listening to you even though you don’t talk too much yourself.

He is the complete opposite of Jeno, and that’s why he became special to you.

“Yesterday, me and my mom were at the mall and I saw them. Just from afar and they were about to enter the movies and… you know, seeing them together hurt” he says while kicking stones on your way to your house.

You can only imagine the pain he felt when he saw them spending time together, and now it’s your time to get hurt because Jeno used to bring you to the movies. Then it gave you an idea.

“Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow? My treat,” you said. Nervous and shy you slowly met eyes and stopped walking when you finally arrived in front of your house.

“Did you just realized that I haven’t taken you out on a date? Because I feel bad, I just realized it now” he rambles.

“No no,” you chuckled, “I simply wanted to go to the movies with you. So tomorrow?” you were slowly walking away from him with a small smile on your face. If Jaemin was being honest, he wanted to be with you just a little bit longer. But parting will make your meeting even sweeter the next day.

On the next day, you remember clearly that you said ‘my treat’ yesterday. But the whole day that you’re together he never let you pay for anything, not even a bottle of water. You feel at ease even though it’s your first date and it’s your first time seeing each other in casual clothes and not in your uniforms, or wearing nothing at all. He looked handsome in his get up, he knows how to dress and he sure does look like the warm person you know.

“Do you like anything else?” he whispered beside you while you two wait for the movie to start and watch people enter.

“No I’m just a little chilly. But I’m fine, keep your jacket,” you stopped him before he removes his jacket, you know he will. So instead of lending you his jacket, he kept you close and wrapped an arm around you.

“This is nice, right?” he whispered back and rested his head on yours.

During the movie, Jaemin did not try any funny business. Though you were waiting for it and of course you will give him your consent. If this was Jeno, by this time you’re whimpering and cumming on his fingers by now. But you’re with Jaemin right now, and Jaemin did nothing but hold your hand, keep you close and keep you warm. And the thing that he did that made your heart race the most, was when he tightens his embrace when the couple kissed in the movie, exchanged ‘i love yous’ and he pulled you closer to him. “We’ll get there,” he whispered, “Just remember that I’m the one here and not Jeno” and you nod because you agree to him.

Not long after your first date, you and Jaemin shared a kiss under a lamppost just before you enter your house. It was not your first kiss of course. But it was the first time that you two felt that there we're no lust involved. It was a genuine kiss. A kiss that told you ‘I’m glad you chose to stay in this stupid relationship we have’ not to mention his soft lips were addicting and he was gentle the whole time. He wasn’t rushing you, he wasn’t hungry for you. But you can feel his long to finally move on and give his love wholly to you.

“Is it okay if I kiss you like that every day from now on?” he asked softly, forehead to forehead and just enjoying the cold breeze of the evening and the quietness of the street.

It’s Jaemin, not Jeno. You remind yourself over and over again.

“Yes” you nod and wrapped your arms around his neck, “Kiss me again” you requested. And so Jaemin did, even deeper but this time he took your breath away during the kiss.

The moment you closed the door and Jaemin watched you go inside your house safely, you burst into tears because you can’t help but see Jeno in your head and imagine that it’s Jeno kissing you not Jaemin. Even though it felt nothing like Jeno’s kisses, even though you smell Jaemin’s unique cologne, still it’s Jeno whom you see in your head and it’s Jeno whom you really wanted to kiss.

Days passed by and you try a little harder to show him affection, you try a little harder to be with Jaemin and not think about your ex, you try saying Jaemin’s name more often. Calling him with a smile, surprising him with back hugs, smiling with him more. Honestly, you just want to help yourself with forgetting Jeno completely because it’s exhausting already.

Today is the school’s fair and you’ve been with your friends the whole day laughing and discussing boys over snacks, sex and other stuff. And while you and your friends have been participating in a lot of games today, Jaemin can’t stop taking pictures of you from afar and watch your pretty smile. The smile he’s been seeing a lot lately and he hopes that it’s because of him.

‘Hey beautiful, I like your smile’

You received a text from him, you look around where he is and you found him behind you. Smiling so handsomely with his camera slung on his shoulder. Your friends teased you and Jaemin for being all flirty with your glances, you have never been shy around him but now there are butterflies in your stomach. Jaemin then shamelessly showed your friends how he treats you nicely, he can’t kiss you inside the school grounds so he winked at you instead and smiled.

It definitely made everyone around you jealous. Especially when Jaemin started taking your pictures, something no one was ever seen Jaemin do.

At the end of the day, you and Jaemin walk hand in hand and went to his house to cuddle and flirt more in his bed. Hands intertwined, legs tangled, bodies closer and just listening to each other talk about the most random things.

That’s right, you and Jaemin now talk. No more comfortable silence, no more quiet walks, you’ve come so far to reach this level of comfort. And when you’re both comfortable in each other’s arms like this, you both never shut up about the things you want to share with each other. Like the comfortable silence was gone with your awkward and shy phase too.

You asked him how he used to love his ex and he never shuts up about it, and it is as if he was describing how he’s treating you but when it comes to you everything was better. Like how he used to not care about Valentines for his ex but for you he went to different kinds of flower shop just so he can find the best quality of red roses. He used to hate walking with his ex because it’s making him sweat like crazy, but when it comes to you, seeing and watching you go inside your home safely was satisfying.

“Jaemin what are we? Are we friends with benefits now? Or just friends?” you dropped the question out of nowhere while you two lie in your bed, and you play with his long and perfect eyelashes.

“Hmm. No, fuck buddies avoid feelings while we... well, we try to develop our feelings. Let’s say we're two waiting hearts, were not yet in love with each other but… we belong to each other already. How’s that sound?”

“Waiting hearts. Hmm. I like it. Did you made that up?” you giggle and ran your fingertips on his very soft lips, which made him catch your hand and kiss it before he opens his beautiful eyes again.

“Yeah” he says, “But everything I said was true. Moving on is a bitch and I just can’t wait to love you right,”

And those words were just right. Perfect actually, that it made you kiss him sweetly and sincerely. And with your lips and the way you kiss, Jaemin felt that you made a promise to him. Like you’re not going to make him wait for nothing. And because of that he deepens the kiss and went on top of you, placing his body in between your legs, kissing your body nonstop and whispering sweet things to you.

“When we're finally and officially together, I won’t hurt you as Jeno did,” and you believe him because even though that you’re a wreck now, Jaemin stayed and put up with you.

He suddenly stopped kissing you, letting you breathe and bask at this moment, then he swallowed the lump in his throat and told you the truth. “I’m finally getting there…by the way, I mean, all I think about is us-you,” he was talking about his progress of moving on. “You don’t have to be pressured or anything at this point just, focus on yourself. Okay?” he said and kissed you again.

As your days with Jaemin continues, you don’t see Jeno anymore whenever you’re with Jaemin. No more imagining, it’s just you, the moment, and Jaemin. Though you’re not sure if you’ve already moved on this time or you’re just too overwhelmed because of Jaemin. Still, you know to yourself that you’re getting there and Jaemin is the reason why you’re even more closer to peace now. But you haven’t told him yet because you’re not ready. For you, you know that he will not leave and so it’s okay to take your time.

It started when you realized everything that he has done for you and the things that he’s ready to do for you. Loving again, or being given the opportunity to love someone again so deep is something so special and exciting especially when the man who holds your heart and the one waiting for you right now is Jaemin. The life you’re taking before Jaemin was like a black tunnel that you’ve been walking around in circles for some time now. And you sure as hell don’t want to take that path again.

And just thinking about experiencing the things that Jaemin has to offer, you can only do that if you give up on Jeno. So with great effort, you slowly focus your mind only on Jaemin and replace every bit of Jeno in your life with Jaemin, and from now on you make sure that you have something in return for him.

“Jaemin-“ you moan his name. Something so new and so satisfying for Jaemin to hear it's his name you moan now, not Jeno’s.

“You know, you make me shy whenever you say my name” he catches his breath and came closer to you to plant kisses on your back and knead your boobs from behind, nipples hard and swollen because you’ve been in bed with him for almost two hours now. “What do you need?” he asks while making you feel good with his lips and hands.

“Maybe slow down? I’m not going anywhere,” you hear him giggle from behind because of your request, slapping your but playfully and squeezing it good. Then suddenly, out of nowhere he rolled his hips, and let out a sexy grunt. “Fuck Jaemin, I wasn’t ready-“ you croak and landed on the mattress, face first as you grip the sheets and take Jaemin’s cock followed by a wave of hard and fast thrusts.

He kept a firm grip on your waist as he gives you hard thrusts and he kept you down on the mattress, a hand on your waist and a hand on your nape. It kept your movements minimal that’s why you can’t do anything now that you’re on the edge and he’s torturing you using his dick. But the best part of Jaemin fucking you from behind is the way he fucks you rough... so rough sometimes that you get red marks after a good round. This only happens whenever he catches his breath, but sometimes his thrusts become slow and deeper and honestly you feel like he’s rearranging your insides. And of course you love it whenever he’s just so fast and the sound of skin slapping surrounds his room and the impact of his thrust just drags you on the mattress, almost at the edge of the bed and he would have to drag your body towards him and fuck you faster and harder.

But this time, your pussy is so sensitive and your body is giving up and shivering already that you try and push him away, moan his name for mercy, grip his sheets while you arch your back so beautifully to ease your sensitivity.

“You said you’re not going anywhere? Why are you running away from me? Huh?” it was a sexy tone and his thrusts started to go slow but deeper than before and he had spread your legs again from behind. His arm is around your neck and ends at your shoulder, bodies closer than ever as he puts his whole weight on you and you feel his hard rock abs hits your back. Then he started thrusting hard again but now you can’t move your body because he got you locked in his arms, and instead of gripping the sheets, you now grip Jaemin’s arm and hands as you don’t have a choice but to accept his hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust, you breathe heavily and let out groans and call out his name. Until your body can’t take it anymore and you’re shaking uncontrollably and you did everything you can to push him away and try curling yourself into a ball but Jaemin was quick to flip you on your back and reach in for a deep kiss.

Kissing you while you cum and enjoy your orgasm. Feeling his tongue swirl around your as your body shakes and his hands caress your thighs so you could calm down and melt on his kiss.

After you cum, you and Jaemin did not stop kissing. He stayed above you, in between your legs and proceed to make out. Slowly and passionately, hands roaming to appreciate each other’s body, hands together and your lips locks and you look at each other with deep admiration.

“I want to date for real now. I’m so afraid to lose you Y/n,” he said directly into your eyes and rested his forehead on yours. “I promise I can do more for you, just be mine completely” he reached for your hands and kissed your knuckles.

Finally, you thought. And to be honest you have so much to say but none came out from your mouth. You looked at his tired sex face, his hair is all over his face, sweaty and his lips are swollen because of your intense kisses. And because your heart is full of happiness right now, you just nod so fast and cup his face and attacked him with kisses.

A love for love.

The first few days with Jaemin were beautiful. You both have your hearts full of love admiration towards one another and you shower each other with love every day without having second thoughts. You have never been loved like this and you didn’t know that you can love someone as deeply.

In just a few days, lust and love were perfectly balanced in your relationship. Now that you’re officially together, you and Jaemin would rather talk non-stop while holding hands, laugh and laugh until you’re both in tears, rather than have sex and exhaust each other out. But of course, now that you’re together, you can finally have the right to stay the night at their house, meet his family, have quiet sex at night where Jaemin’s lips are on your lips, catching every sound and moan you make so his parents won’t suspect.

“I love you,” you said and kissed him before you close your eyes and drift away. In return, he tightens his embrace and kissed you one too many times.

“I love you too,”

Now that you and Jaemin are official, he wanted to do everything again with you. Meaning, he wanted to give you flowers again as your boyfriend this time and not just as someone who’s waiting for you. He wanted to take you out on a proper date as your boyfriend, on your favorite fast food and spend all night long being happy with you.

SUNDAY

At first, you didn’t want to agree with his plan because him giving you all his love every day was enough. But he insists, and that’s why you’re waiting for your handsome boyfriend at your favorite fast food with a glass of water in front of you. He’s 30 minutes late already and you wonder why.

“I’ll get the red ones please, my girlfriend loved those last Valentine's day,” Jaemin’s smile was so big as he watches the florist wrap the red roses he got for you. He’s late because he went to the same shop where he bought you the flowers that you loved last Valentine's day.

And just as Jaemin walks out of the flower shop with a bouquet of red roses in his arm and a smile on his face, he thought about how this night will definitely be a great night for the two of you. And most importantly, no exes to ruin your first date as a couple.

While you were waiting for Jaemin inside, you didn’t know that he’s outside with a dozen roses in his arm and just smiling because he is now looking at the girl whom he loves the most.

Then suddenly, his phone rang and accepted an unexpected phone call. The voice of the girl on the other line was familiar. Very familiar. And his fist balled up immediately when he heard her crying through the phone. Turns out, he still can’t say no to the girl he used to love so much and his excitement on seeing you was immediately replaced with anger.

“Who made you cry? Where are you?” Jaemin asked sternly to his ex.

“He left me Jaems- I’m sorry I don’t know who else to call, I’m at home can you please go here? I really need someone right now, I’ll lose my mind,”

And just like that, he chose his ex over you. He told himself, he will be quick and still meet you afterward. But you waited for an hour… until closing time. Leaving tons and tons of messages to Jaemin but he didn’t return any of them. Maybe something important came up? A family matter? You tried and tried to forgive him even though you’re pissed that he didn’t show up. You even reminded yourself that you didn’t want this date in the first place so why be upset? So it’s okay.

When you’re finally near your house after a very disappointing date that could have been a beautiful one for you and Jaemin, a very familiar figure was waiting for you outside your house.

One glance at that perfect face, small crescent eyes, and beautiful smile, gave your mind an instant flashback. The guy who loved you first way before Jaemin came into your life, the man who loved you in your highs and lowest moment, the man you’ve been waiting to come back…. is finally back.

“How are you?” he started.

“Better. Jeno, what are you doing here?” you asked, straight to the point.

“I just came by to see you. I’m the one who ruined us but I still miss you from time to time you know? And now I know why,”

“And that is?”

“Regrets. Now that I’m single again, for sure my regrets will even weigh more,” he let out a heavy sigh and looked at his shoes before he gave you a question. A question that he already knows the answer. “If I ask you to come back, will you accept it?” he didn’t look you in the eye. He just stared at the sky and waited for your answer.

“No,” you said honestly and without regrets. “I waited for you to come back long enough. And I worked so hard to be healed again,”

“Then I should’ve asked you earlier then. I should’ve left her earlier,”

What he said sounded wrong for you. Because you know if he did those earlier you will end up hurting Jaemin instead. At least now, it’s clear like the sky above that you no longer love Jeno.

The night ended with a friendly hug. It’s the only comfort you can offer to him because you respect your boyfriend. And you well know that staying longer with Jeno tonight can spark your first fight with Jaemin.

But as you lie in your bed and think about everything that happened tonight, your mind takes you to unwanted scenarios where Jaemin chose to comfort his ex rather than meeting up with you. It’s not right to doubt Jaemin, so you close your eyes and looked forward to the next day.

And just as you thought, you’re going to wake up with a bunch of missed calls or texts from Jaemin, you have none. So there is something wrong.

Jaemin on the other hand is staring at a white ceiling and thinking about the things that he can’t take back right now. It’s too early for regrets but he doesn’t have a choice but to rethink his wrong decisions, over and over again. Starting when he answered the phone call from the naked girl beside him right now. The wrong decisions he made last night was the epitome of the phrase, ‘one thing led to another’

He answered the call and stood you up.

He went to his ex’s house.

He returned the kiss.

He agreed to fuck.

It was all his choice. Wrong choices that made him lose and lost you way before your relationship could have bloomed beautifully. And he can’t take that back because he can't show his face to you anymore for the sexual activity that happened last night between him and his ex, somehow brought them back together.

SUNDAY

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Seven days have passed already when Jaemin stood you up on a date to choose his ex over you. The reason? Well, you don’t know because you and Jaemin did not talk it out… the breakup sort of happened automatically when you saw him and his now girlfriend again, holding hands while entering the school grounds on a cold Monday morning. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and be better to make way for the love you thought you both want.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. Again. And whenever Jaemin crosses paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that he broke every promise he told you. He can only wish that he could turn back time and choose to not answer that fucking call.

Just like that, you’re back in that black tunnel and you didn’t expect that Jaemin will be the reason why you’re back on this dark path again. And this time, the heartbreak was ten times even worst than what you felt during your breakup with Jeno.

A few more weeks after the breakup, you started being alone with yourself again and try to give your heart a break from all the drama.

But one fateful afternoon, when everyone had gone home already and you’re on trash duty again, as usual, Jaemin finally decided to swallow his pride and say the apology you deserve.

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” Jaemin said out of nowhere. He was looking straight into your eyes when he said it, and you can see that he’s sincere through his eyes.

“I hope you’re happy” and that's all you can say and try to walk away.

“I’m not- do you still love me?”

It was a question that broke both of your hearts because you both know that even though love is involved, it’s still not enough to keep you together.

But still, you answered him with all honesty. “Yes” short and simple.

“Then let's be together-“ he proposed with hopeful eyes.

“And what? Cheat?” you ask sternly, he nodded. “One of the reasons why I liked you back then is because you’re not complicated. You’re a simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’, but now you’re the one who complicates things. I’m sorry. It’s a no,” and that is an answer Jaemin did not expect from you because he thought you loved him that much that you’re still going to accept him. But maybe, the pain that he’s feeling right now, is the same pain that you felt when he chose his ex over you that night.

As days, months, and seasons change but of course the heartbreak never left, you focus more on being with yourself until finally you survived this school year and today is your last day in school. But before everything ended, a lot has happened before it finally ended, like Jeno suddenly transferring schools, Jaemin is single again, and you were awarded for ranking #3 out of hundreds of other students studying their asses off.

That same afternoon, while you’re fixing your stuff and ready yourself to go home under the pouring rain, Jaemin found you alone in your classroom again. And it felt like you’re meeting again for the first time. You don’t know why you accepted his help, you don’t know why you let him walk you home under his small umbrella that made you walk closely together.

He was quiet. You were quiet. But it was not the comfortable silence you used to have, it was very awkward. But you both endured it because if you’re both going to be honest with your feelings, you both wanted this.

“Are we going to do this again?” you ask before you enter your house.

“Yes. The right way,”

And you know you both found your way back to each other because it’s the right thing to do.

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