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leiamorgainedelalune · 2 years

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The Magnetic Saga

Series About Page

About the Series

The Magnetic Saga will tell the story of Polaris and her family. This version of Polaris has completely different origins from the comics. Her mother, Lizzie, is a mutant and was once married to Erik. X-Men movies will cross with the MCU though in a different way and some of them will now no longer exist. The first released book is going to be the story of Polaris. I will only put information in the character information that won’t spoil her book. Her first name will remain Lorna.

About the Main and Important Characters

Elizabeth “Lizzie” Jane Daniels-Xavier

Born 1942 to highly decorated British WWII officer Francis “Frank” Daniels and his wife Lorna, a woman he married against the wishes of his family. Her father died in the war, leaving her mother to raise her alone. Captain Frank Daniels of the British Armed forces was a liaison officer that worked with the SSR along with Agent Peggy Carter. He befriended Captain Steve Rogers and worked with Howard Stark and his Howling Commandos for a time before being recalled by the British Army. It was his service for the British that cost him his life.

Lizzie and her mother are taken on the orders of a man named Sebastian Shaw when she’s 8 years old. He saw her use her mutant powers accidentally in public. They were newly developing and she hasn’t learned control. Shaw was formerly known as Klaus Schmidt, a Nazi officer and second in command of Hydra which was ran by his brother Johann. Shaw murdered her mother in front of her when she couldn’t use her powers on command.

Lizzie’s father, Frank, left behind a surviving sister, Sharon Xavier, who was living in New York now with her son. Sharon had been determined to find her niece and take her in. She’d spent years searching for the only surviving piece of her beloved brother. Finally Lizzie managed to escape captivity and by a twist of fate she was found by a teen boy and girl not much older than her. It so happened she’d be found by her older cousin, Charles Xavier, and his foster sister, Raven. Charles took Lizzie home and showed her and her things to his mother. In Lizzie’s things were what little she had left of her life before she had been taken. It proved her identity and she was adopted by her aunt, given everything she could ever want or need then gaining a brother and sister in Charles and Raven.

Lizzie still wanted revenge on the man who hurt her. When she finished college at Oxford she went hunting and who should she find but Erik Lehnsherr instead with whom she embarked upon a whirlwind romance. With Erik it would be a constant battle for her heart though they would have two daughters together, Lorna and Edie. She’d have another romance that she would forever keep private though she got the twins, Freyja and Fenris, from it. Now Lizzie has the real thing with Logan and they share a daughter together, Maria.

Lizzie has severely slowed aging to the point she almost doesn’t age because of a serum of Hank’s creation she has tested for him.

Lizzie’s code name is Kinetica due to her abilities with kinetic energy (particularly telekinesis) and projection. She is also immune to Charles’s power. The only time she wasn’t was during her pregnancy with Lorna.

Lizzie has worked for SHIELD since 1963, having been recruited by Peggy Carter and Howard Stark. She’s currently working as the Assistant Director under Nick Fury.

Lorna Jane Xavier-Stark

She is born Lorna Jane Lehnsherr on June 9, 1963 to Lizzie Lehnsherr (née Daniels-Xavier) and Erik Lehnsherr. Lizzie is in the very early stages of pregnancy with her on the beach in Cuba in October 1962. Lorna’s last name is changed to Xavier in November 1963 when Lizzie divorces Erik after he is placed in prison for the assassination of President Kennedy. After Lizzie starts working for SHIELD, Howard Stark falls head over heels for the little girl and by the time she’s two asks to adopt his new best friend’s daughter. Lizzie agrees as she had already been co-parenting with him in a sense anyway. Lorna’s last name is changed to Xavier-Stark by July 1, 1965 and she calls Howard “Pop.”

Lorna’s famously known to all by as her adopted father, Howard Stark’s “wing woman” that helps him land his future wife Maria. Her and Maria have a wonderful relationship too. She’s protective over Tony and they’re like best friends. She also doesn’t take his crap. She’s never afraid to give Tony hell. Her mom Lizzie serves as Tony’s godmother while she gets to be his big sister to keep him in line. Tony gives it back to her when she becomes a mom when he does questionable things as an Uncle. She would never trade her relationship with Tony for the world as insane as he makes her. She loves her brother deeply despite his flaws.

Lorna has one full sibling. Edie Xavier-Lehnsherr was born in October 1974 after her parents briefly reunited in Paris when trying to stop Bolivar Trask from creating his sentinels. Due to the events that followed, Erik Lehnsherr went into hiding as a fugitive and didn’t learn of Edie’s existence until she was nine years old.

Lorna was kidnapped in April 1983, just a few months before she turned twenty years old. They don’t know who took her. Lorna was rescued at the end of October in a mission lead by Nick Fury that without the help of Erik Lehnsherr they wouldn’t have found her. When she was rescued, she was twenty-eight weeks pregnant. The ones that kidnapped her forced her to give herself to a man, a super soldier until she became pregnant because they wanted a hybrid child of a mutant and super soldier. Lorna would give birth to a baby boy on December 16, 1983 that she named James “Jamie” Erik Xavier-Stark. Lorna could tell them very little of the man or her captors, leaving much of this a mystery.

Lorna encountered the man who fathered her son the night Howard and Maria Stark were killed when he delivered her son back to her safely. Jamie had been with them as they’d been together for little Jamie’s eighth birthday. Her mom was heavily pregnant with twins, due in a couple of months. Lorna’s twin younger siblings, Freyja and Fenris would be born the following February. The tragic loss of Howard and Maria Stark would rock the entire family for quite some time. It would send Lorna’s adopted brother Tony into a spiral and Lorna on as well. Lorna would finally crack from everything she’d been through, forcing Lizzie to go to Charles to finally get Lorna help for all she had been through. Lorna has to spend time for a mental break down in an institution while her son remains with Charles. Once she is stable, she goes to work for SHIELD and never looks back.

Lorna would go to work for SHIELD not long after the death of Howard and Maria Stark and after she fully recovers from her own complete mental breakdown. She recovers completely thanks to her Uncle Charles. She rose up through the agent ranks doing under cover and black ops work. It, also, helped that Lorna is highly multilingual. Lorna may have English for her mother tongue but she’s also fluent in German, French, Russian, Spanish, Italian, Romanian, Hungarian, and Polish as well as Latin, Hebrew, Arabic, and Greek. She’s studied in the Jewish culture and religion though she has never practiced it but respects her heritage as someone who is Jewish with family who was lost in the camps and a father who survived Auschwitz. The Xavier family may have been members of the Church of England but she was never raised religious. Her status as one of the most linguistically fluent agents in SHIELD also made her one of the most valuable agents. She just had a knack for picking up languages. Her help with Jamie wasn’t just those that lived and worked at the Xavier School, her biggest help was Tony. Tony loved and adored his nephew from day one and made Jamie his protégé. Lorna was ok with Jamie being Tony’s protégé because it was also a way to keep her son safe. She didn’t want him in the world of SHIELD because she knew he would always be in danger in that world. Her SHIELD work was full of her dedication of keeping more than Jamie safe but the rest of the world. She wanted to do the right thing and the best thing for the people in the world. She had to always keep believing in the existence of the good. That’s what helped her to not have another breakdown and keep moving forward.

Lorna is completely bisexual and after meeting Natasha Romanoff on a covert mission, while Natasha is still the enemy, she ends up falling in love with her. Lorna and Natasha engage in a relationship that lasts for a couple of years after Clint makes the decision to let Natasha live and Natasha defects to SHIELD. They end their relationship amicably upon realizing Lorna is more invested in committing than Natasha. They decide to be friends with benefits only, always giving each other the love and support they need. Natasha will always be Lorna’s best friend she can tell anything to, besides Clint, who she calls her other brother, and Alex, who has known her all her life. Pepper is the best friend she has to be a little filtered with but Natasha is the best friend she never has to hide anything from. The only other people who get away with talking to Lorna any way they wish are Logan and Hank McCoy because even Tony has rules with Lorna. There’s only one person who she completely despises and that’s Erik Lehnsherr.

Lorna’s powers make one of her nicknames the mistress of magnetism. It’s quite plausible that her ability to control metal is stronger than Magneto’s. This connection to metal has her directly connected to the Earth’s metal core, in a stronger sense than Erik ever could. She can fly and draw from the metal in the core as well magnetism that runs around the earth. The polarity in her magnetism is opposite of Magneto. She can use this to create a shield around her. When anything hits her shield, she absorbs that energy into her, making her stronger. Lorna can also send out electromagnetic energy pulses and blasts, not just control metal. She can use her control over all the metal down to the connection at the core to create earthquakes. She can do more than shield herself but also shield others as well. She can also manipulate anything of a metallic substance down to the molecular level to change it or create something new and/or different. The connection she has to the earth and its core is part of why her aging has slowed and will remain slowed permanently. The other reasons her aging has slowed are the serum she tested for Hank and the healing serum Hank created from Logan’s DNA. Lorna had to be given the healing serum on a couple of occasions to save her life. The permanent effects were how it has basically caused it to stop her aging and giving her some healing abilities when combined with her own mutation. Lorna also has powers of empathy. They’re not as powerful as a full blown telepath but still prevalent. Her power shows as green but it is not why they call her Polaris. She’s Polaris because of the polarity of magnetism.

Edie Raven Xavier-Lehnsherr

Edie Raven Xavier-Lehnsherr is born October 31, 1974 and is the daughter of Lizzie Daniels-Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr, conceived during their brief rendezvous of their relationship in Paris in 1974 when trying to stop Raven from killing Dr. Bolivar Trask at the Paris Peace Conference. Erik did not know Edie existed until she was nine years old in 1983 after he helped out SHIELD when Lorna had been kidnapped by helping locate and rescue his daughter. Lorna ended up spilling the beans about Edie, forcing Lizzie to admit to Erik about their other daughter. Due to the fact that Erik’s lack of presence in her life was actually her mother’s fault, Edie’s feelings towards Erik are the opposite of her older sister Lorna. She’s welcoming towards him and has no hard feelings. She wants to build a relationship.

Edie works at the Xavier Institute as a teacher and is on of her Uncle Charles’s X-Men, going by the code name of Psyche. Edie’s a telepath with telekinesis and projection powers like her mother. She can create a type of shield similar to what her father and sister can do but nowhere near as strong. It’s more of a psychic shield. Her psychic powers are where her true strength lies and she’s been studying under Charles on how to truly hone her skills. As a teacher and scientist she’s a protégé of Dr. Hank McCoy and studied in university at Harvard.

Freyja Astrid Xavier

Freyja Astrid Xavier is the twin sister of Fenris and Lizzie’s daughter with a man she does not speak of. The twins were born February 18, 1992 and have always been known as chaotic trouble makers, being bigger mischief makers than Tony and Lorna combined. Freyja, just like her twin brother, is highly intelligent and has had powers since she was a toddler. She is a scientist who has considered going into medicine. However, she’s also known for being a major flirt that just can’t help herself.

Fenris Aleksander Xavier

Fenris Aleksander Xavier is the twin brother of Freyja and Lizzie’s son with a man she doesn’t speak of. The twins were born February 18, 1992 and have always been known as chaotic trouble makers, being bigger mischief makers than Tony and Lorna combined. Fenris, just like his twin sister, is highly intelligent and has had powers since he was a toddler. Fenris is a historian who has also studied archaeology that works as a teacher. He’s also a major flirt that’s unable to help himself.

Maria Logan Xavier

Maria Logan Xavier is Lizzie’s youngest child who she has with Logan. Maria was born March 21, 2000 and is studying at the Xavier Institute as her mutant powers are just now coming into fruition.

James “Jamie” Erik Xavier-Stark

James “Jamie” Erik Xavier-Stark is Lorna’s son. He was the result of what occurred during her kidnapping and she does not know the true identity of his father. He was born December 16, 1983 and Lorna named Nick Fury as his godfather. Tony has helped raise him and he’s now his protégé.

Characters to Appear (So Far)

*this list is incomplete*

Lorna Jane Xavier-Stark Polaris

Elizabeth “Lizzie” Jane Daniels-Xavier Kinetica

Erik Magnus Lehnsherr Magneto

Anthony “Tony” Stark Iron Man

James “Jamie” Xavier-Stark

Edie Raven Xavier-Lehnsherr Psyche

Charles Francis Xavier Professor X

Raven Darkholme Mystique

Moira MacTaggart

Howard Stark

Maria Stark

Peggy Carter

Logan Wolverine

Nicholas “Nick” J. Fury

Alexander “Alex” Summers Havok

Henry “Hank” McCoy Beast

Virginia “Pepper” Potts

Happy Hogan

Natasha Romanoff Black Widow

Clinton “Clint” Barton Hawkeye

Freyja Astrid Xavier

Fenris Aleksander Xavier

Philip “Phil” Coulson

Maria Hill

James “Rhodey” Rhodes War Machine

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes Winter Soldier

Maria Logan Xavier

Thor Odinson

Loki

Jane Foster

Erik Selvig

Remy LeBeau Gambit

Steven “Steve” Grant Rogers Captain America

Robert Bruce Banner Hulk

Samuel “Sam” Wilson Falcon

Sharon Carter

Pietro Maximoff Quicksilver

Wanda Maximoff Scarlet Witch

Thaddeus Ross

T’Challa Black Panther

Ayo

Shuri

Eliot Ross

Heimdahl

Ororo Munroe Storm

Jean Grey

Scott Summers Cyclops

Marie Rogue

Jubilation Lee Jubilee

Talos

Soren

Carol Danvers Captain Marvel

Stephen Strange Dr Strange

Peter Parker Spider Man

Scott Lang Ant Man

Warren Worthington III Angel

Kurt Wagner Nightcrawler

Betsy Braddock Psylocke

Books

*Planned and released*

Reading Master List

Shed My Skin: The Story of Polaris

What Have You Done: The Story of Kinetica

A Dangerous Mind: The Story of Magneto

Hand of Sorrow: The Story of the Winter Soldier

Valid Films to the Saga

X-Men: First Class

X-Men: Days of Future Past

The Entire MCU through Endgame

5 notes · View notes

nightowlwriting · 3 years

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summary: steve is acting weird. avoiding you, being snippy and mean, leaving the room when you enter. all you want is your boyfriend back, but all he wants is to pretend you don't exist. when he's almost hurt on a mission, you do what you're made to do.

word count: 11k

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, powered!reader, insecure!reader

warnings: steve is mean to the reader in the beginning, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, canon-level violence, brief ptsd symptoms, slight description of blood, brief mention of racism in the '30s & '40s

brief mentions of: reader's parents being toxic, homelessness, past accidents, ableism in the past & present

note: this one hurt me lmfao. idk why this went the way it did but i'm not mad at it // also i am a queer, trans, disabled american. i have fundamental disagreements with things that marvel/the mcu as it stands for and some of the more nuanced things that you might not notice unless you're looking for it. this will take place in my writing because i cannot separate myself from the lens in which i consume/create content.

title credit: lil nas x

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his. Sure - he’s clever, righteous, courteous… You can’t forget he’s also drop-dead gorgeous because every trashy gossip magazine in a three-state radius of New York doesn’t let you forget. Neither does the sight of him waking up in your bed every morning. (Well, actually, maybe that would remind you if he was still fucking doing that.)

But lately, you’ve had to rely on the fucking tabloids to catch a glimpse of your super-hero boyfriend. The university class you had picked up on a whim at the end of the summer - Life & Times of the ‘30s and ‘40s - avoids any mention of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos. Not that your classmates do because, Christ on a bike, those magazines manage to catch pictures of you and Steve in moments that you don’t even remember. Plus, you’re an Avenger too. It’s bound to catch some attention when you waltz into a college classroom.

You’re sure if you were an undergrad trying to fill a gen-ed requirement and were sitting next to someone who could kill you without blinking but also dating Captain Rogers you’d be a little distracted too. You try not to blame your classmates too much, but they do make it hard to concentrate with their -really dating Captain America?- and -wonder if I could get an autograph- whispers. None of that matters because you’re learning, really studying, in between missions and missing Steve and believing that maybe the gossip reporters are right.

Maybe he’s forgotten about you.

You grit your teeth and push the thought away. It does you no good right now, while you’re training with Peter. He’s working his way up to bona fide missions and, because you’re the only one on the team who has experience with real-life teenagers outside of saving their lives, it’s up to you to get him to the level that he needs to be. Plus, the mission where he’s going to get his gills wet is just you, Tony, Steve, Nat, and Bucky. You’d much rather be the one to train him because you won’t traumatize him.

Right now, though, you’re just kicking his ass to try and get rid of some of the tension in your body. You feel a little bad about it, but when you started as his mentor you told him point-blank that you’d never go easy on him. That meant if you were having a bad day he either needed to up his game or he’d have a bad day too. It appears he’s taken that to heart as he struggles to dodge the hits you’re throwing his way. He lunges out of the way when you try to land a right hook but practically walks into the leg sweep that sends him crashing to the ground.

“Awe,” Peter groans, letting his guard down. You take the momentary lapse of focus to grab him by the collar of the hoodie he’s wearing and haul him to his feet, jerking one fist back to cold-clock him but he beats you to it. You hear the sound of your nose cracking before you feel it but then the pain rushes you all at once. You’ve had worse but coming from Peter, the move surprises you. You don’t yell out but he does when you push him away from you and call the fight off. Peter practically yelps your name, hands up by his head as he watches you bend at the waist, both hands over where your nose is absolutely gushing blood. “I am so sorry, I just reacted-!”

“It’s fine, Pete,” You shake your head and stand straight again, the blood beginning to leak through your fingers, “Just go get me a towel, okay?” Peter practically trips over his feet to get something for your nose and as you track him on his way into the locker rooms, you see Steve, Bucky, and Nat. The latter are looking your way, eyebrows raised like they’re asking you if you’re okay. Steve hasn’t even broken stride in his conversation so you wave them off with a bloody hand. Peter’s back in a flash, pressing a wet towel into your grasp and snapping you out of your self-pity party. “It was a good hit,” You compliment as you wipe your face off, “I just wasn’t expecting it. Prob’ly wouldn't have landed it if I had.”

He wrings his hands, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s a good thing, Peter, means you’re getting better.” You deadpan, checking to see if your nose has stopped bleeding yet, “I don’t think you actually broke it, but I’ll go down to medical to check later.” You do your best to clean up your hands with the wet towel, but it’s so soaked with your blood that it mostly just smears it around. You grimace and shake your head. “Well, I should go now before our sparring match ends up looking like I murdered you.”

“I’ll go with,” He offers, “I’m the one who broke your nose.” You let Peter walk you down to medical even though you were originally going to refuse. Perhaps petty, but it was the way that Steve didn’t even look your way as you left that made you let the teenager walk you the two floors to where you’d be able to clean yourself up. He hums in the elevator and you know that he wants to ask you something - it’s the way he holds his mouth when he’s prying for information or keeping a secret that tips you off. Finally, just before the elevator opens, you sigh and turn to him.

“What, Peter?” He grins but then it falls when he has to skitter after you down the hall. Maybe that’s why it falls - the question he asks next nearly sends you to your ass.

“Is everything okay with you and Captain Rogers?” He easily catches up to you when you stop in your tracks, ignoring that you’re still bleeding a little bit down your face and you might be dripping blood everywhere from where it’s run down your arms.

“What?” You do your best to look confused like everything is fine, but Peter is perceptive. He may fumble around and be pretty awkward, but those are really just teenager things that he’ll hopefully outgrow. You should have known that when someone caught onto how bad things are on your end, it would be Peter. (You wonder if Nat or Bucky has brought it up with Steve, considering he’s spent more time with them in the past week than he’s seen you in the past month.) “We’re fine.” Your words are stilted as you begin walking to the medical wing much faster than before.

“I just thought I’d ask, well, because I’ve sort of noticed… Something just seems off, you know? Like, you two used to spend a lot of time together, and maybe it’s the recon mission coming up, but I was just thinking that you two really barely look at each other even when you’re in the same -”

“Peter!” You say his name much louder than either of you expected and both of you jump. “Peter,” You say softer, looking at the glass door to the medical wing instead of him, “Just leave it, okay? It’s nothing you have to worry about, kid.” Peter ducks around to open the door, forcing you to look at him. “He’s just focused on his stuff and I’m focused on getting you whipped into shape for this mission. We only have two days.” Once you’re inside and surrounded by the medical crew Tony keeps on staff, he thankfully drops it. You love Peter, you do, but it’s a lot like having a little brother. You can only love them so much before you want to fucking strangle them. Eventually, as the doctor checks to make sure he hasn’t broken your nose, you have to order him away to go study or something. “I’ll join you later,” You promise him as the doctor prods at your tender flesh, “I have an essay due soon.”

That’s another thing that’s been bugging you that Peter surely picked up on. Nearly everybody knew you were taking a course at the local community college, but nobody knew what it was about. You’d wanted to keep it a secret until you told Steve, but the day you had registered he’d flown out for a two-week mission without telling you or saying goodbye. After that, you decided it didn’t really matter if anyone knew what class you were taking, and keeping it a secret sort of spiraled from there. If they wanted to know they could look it up. Maybe it was petty, but you just wanted the class to be over and done with so you could forget that you really only picked it up so you relate to your boyfriend more.

If you can even call Steve your boyfriend anymore. You’re not so sure where you stand and, honestly, you’re really close to giving up on the relationship as a whole but you can’t do that. Before you were dating, you were friends, and Steve… He never gave up on you. Not once. How could you repay him by giving up on your relationship? The one that you thought was The One? Even if it hurts, even if you’re unsure more than sure these days, how could you? Somewhere, though, you know you deserve better. You don’t deserve the sinking, dark feeling that lingers in your gut for most of your days now or the way that you second-guess every move you make - even in the field. It’s dangerous but you can’t do anything to fix it.

You’re too scared. You know that eventually, it will happen, he’ll break up with you, but you’d like to put that day off for as long as possible. To relish in the love he once had for you, how pure and powerful it was. You’re sure that you’ll never experience anything like that again.

Hell, you might never fall in love again.

Those thoughts don’t do anything to help you, though, so you try not to have them. You get clearance from the doctor and get cleaned up as much as you can without taking a full body shower. The idea to go back to your room and take one crosses your mind but you know that Steve’s probably done training, probably heading back for his own shower, and you don’t want to open that can of worms. Instead, you go to the common room and drop into the couch between Peter and Tony. They’re talking about something something science something something, but you pull your stack of books and notebooks out from the shelf underneath the coffee table and continue outlining your essay from where you left off. The assignment was focused on how the end of WW1 changed American life and then how life changed leading up to and during WW2 but that had hit a little too close to home for you, so you’re writing about the racial tension and overall racism of the times. Tony and Peter keep talking over your back and then you hear footsteps heading toward the common room.

You barely look up when they enter - Nat and Bucky - because it’s fine. It’s normal. They’re just two of Steve’s best friends, that’s all, nothing to be jumpy about. You don’t even register that emotional pain that hits when you realize that, yeah, you’re not one of his best friends anymore. You doubt you’re even considered a friend in his book.

You groan and lean back into the couch, bringing your study materials with you. Peter glances over, skimming over your page and a half of shorthand, and gags. “Jesus, can you write like a normal person?”

“Oh, sorry,” You say lazily, not looking up as you continue to scribble in your incomprehensible code, “I do forget that some of us had privacy at home.” You lift your lips just a little bit to let Peter know you’re kidding, looking up at him through your lashes as you slouch next to him. He looks red in the face. “Besides, once you have to start doing mission reports you’ll be begging me to learn my shorthand and use my stenography machine.”

“I keep telling you that I can update that ol’ thing,” Tony draws your attention. For the first time, you realize that Nat and Bucky are on the loveseat looking at you expectantly. Steve is standing in the corner over their shoulder reading a book from the bookshelf in front of him. His back is tense and he looks like he’s not reading, just listening. You force your eyes back to Tony on your right and shake your head.

“No, because then you’d know my shorthand and it makes me too happy to see you spend hours trying to decipher it.” His eyes wander to your essay again, trying to find any patterns that he can use to figure out what the hell you’re writing on anything ever. He’s opening his mouth to make a smart-ass remark that will no doubt lift some of the weight off of your shoulders when another voice speaks up.

“Wow,” Steve doesn’t even look at you even as he says your name sardonically, “Way to be a team player.” Your mind comes to a screeching halt, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s playing at. Even Bucky and Nat look surprised at the cold way he spoke to you, Tony and Peter both gasping from your side. You can’t say anything, throat tight and burning with tears as you stare at your boyfriend with raised eyebrows. What do you say to that? How do you respond? You know it wasn’t a joke because he’s not laughing, not smiling, not even looking up from that fucking book in his hands. You can’t tell if you’re more hurt or embarrassed, but either way, you don’t want to stick around for someone to get the nerve to say something.

Instead of replying, you slam your textbooks shut and bundle everything into your arms. You doubt Steve even notices that you’re making such a hasty retreat but if he does, he doesn’t say a fucking thing. You feel like you’re in high school - practically running through an empty hallway with your notebooks and textbooks pressed to your chest, trying not to cry. It’s ridiculous. You’re a trained assassin, you’re an Avenger, you are strong and powerful and yet… And yet. You’ve given so much of your heart and soul to Steve Rogers that he can knock you down eight pegs without even trying. Without even looking at you. You can’t wait to go on this fucking recon mission, where you can put all of your focus on making sure Peter is doing okay and gathering the intel. Where you can stop thinking about how easily Steve Rogers seems to be pushing you to the side.

You spend the next two days writing your essay, ignoring almost everyone, and working on your essay. On the day of the recon mission, you’re running out the door for your eight a.m lecture, printed essay in hand, and reminding Tony that he promised to pick you up on campus after class for the mission.

You’re lucky that you went, too. You hadn’t counted on the professor making everyone stand up and tell the class the subject of their essays - didn’t realize that it would be twenty-five percent of the grade on the paper. You’ll never understand college professors and the weird shit they do, but the class is informative and entertaining. He goes around the room, starting on the opposite side of you, so you’ll be last. Great.

Several students did their papers on the propaganda of the time, one student was brave and did her essay on the ethical dilemma of the super-soldier serum and eugenics, and most of the other students focused on pop culture and how it changed. When your professor looks at you it’s almost like he’s expecting you to have done nothing but fawn over Steve and Bucky, considering you know them personally. He looks surprised when you clear your throat, stand and say: “I focused on the casual and institutional racism that faced non-white Americans at the time.” You almost preen when he looks impressed and then the shame fills you. It’s just… You want Steve to be proud of you. You want him to congratulate you on going back to school, even if it’s just for one class. You want him to be happy and surprised that he was the inspiration for taking the class.

Though, lately, the class has been more for you than for him. You like learning new things, pushing the boundaries of assignments, making people uncomfortable with the truth of the times you’re studying as told to you by two people who lived it. It’s nice. Normal.

Everyone needs a little bit of normal.

But, honestly, normal is fucking boring. By the time your class is over and you’re handing in your essay it’s like ants are crawling over your skin. A combination of nerves from the upcoming mission, a head full of fog from whatever is happening with Steve, and a little bit of fear at the thought of taking Peter into the field has you bolting for the door the moment your essay is taken from you. You’d worn your tac-suit underneath a pair of baggy sweats and a loose hoodie, so you don’t even bother slowing down as you head toward the car that Tony has waiting for you. He’s in the front seat, grinning at you from underneath his aviators and Peter is driving.

You slip into the backseat without thinking or looking at who’s there, tossing your bag in the back and peeling your hoodie off. “God, Tone, we’re goin’ to die before we even get to the mission with Petey driving.” You toss your hoodie back to join your bag and finally see who’s sitting next to you.

Of course, it’s Steve. He’s looking at you - but not really. He’s looking through you, like he can’t stand that you’re both crammed in the backseat of Tony’s electric car. His gaze catches you and holds you in place. Everything around you goes cold and fuzzy, making you miss Peter’s indignant complaining that he has his license so he should be able to drive… And then Steve scoffs and looks out his window, ignoring you. It stings but you have a job to do. You make some witty retort back to Peter, but it falls flat as you struggle out of your sweats. This is what life is, you think. Relationships aren’t meant to be forever - you learned that at a young age.

Until your accident at fifteen, you had watched your parents run out of helium, their relationship expanding and cooling in arguments, in days spent not talking, in trips to your grandparents without the other, in passive-aggressive computer searches for divorce attorneys left open for anyone to see. Then, after you were trapped between those machines - after you spent hour after agonizing hour with electricity pressing between your atoms, being torn apart and rebuilt as a young god - after that day you watched them expand against each other before the neutron core of their relationship collapsed on itself and the resulting supernova sent you to the streets. But then Fury found you. Then Tony, then Nat, then Steve.

Your parents exploded out from each other and the shockwaves ruined your life. At least now, your relationship with Steve is ending silently. There’s no explosion, no collapse, no rapid expansion to take over your cosmos. Your relationship with Steve is simply approaching the event horizon, where it will hang in the air until one of you takes the final step and you both become frozen, two collapsing objects on opposite sides of the universe. Maybe that’s what you already are. You feel so far away from him in the back of Tony’s car - like he’s eons and light-years away from you - and you feel so cold. Frozen, down to the bone. It makes you stiff in your replies to Tony and Peter, slow on the uptake when the car pulls up to the quinjet, nearing stasis and unable to respond when Nat asks if you’re okay.

Finally, you turn to look at her, nodding. “Fine,” You clear your throat, “Been a rough day.” You do your best to smile at her, but your face feels heavy. Your chest feels cold and tight, making you worry about your performance on the upcoming mission. When Peter shakes his head next to you, discreetly telling Nat not to press, you’re focused on Steve and the electricity humming in the most base part of your body.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. You turn away and force yourself to smile, throwing a weak and numb arm over Peter’s shoulders. “Are you ready for this, Pete?” You jostle him back and forth, leading him toward the sitting area behind the cockpit. “Gonna get your ass kicked?”

“Please,” He shoves you off, nervously laughing, “Not with the skills you’ve taught me.” He mimics throwing webs, making hissing noises under his breath, and you bark out a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re payin’ my medical bills when I have to save your ass, Spidey.” You shake your head and strap in next to the wall, Peter taking the seat to your right. Tony, from the aisle across from you, points a thick finger your way.

“You don’t pay medical bills anymore,” He waggles his finger, “So you’ll just have to make him do your homework for a week.”

“Mister Stark!”

“He’ll have to earn shorthand to do your essays,” Nat chimes in from between Bucky and Steve, who are both doing their best to not look at you - or anyone really. “You willing to share that with him?”

You lean back in your seat and jab at Peter with your elbow. “Hell no, so I guess Spider-Boy better do his best.” The arachnid in question grumbles, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.

“No pressure, right?” He complains, “Not like I’m already nervous or anything.”

“You’ll do fine, kid,” Bucky pipes up, drawing your eyes back to Steve, “It’s goin’ to be a cakewalk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Barnes,” You warn half-heartedly, tucking in on yourself, “We need this to be easy.” From the look on his face - everyone’s face, really - you know that they heard you loud and clear when you were really saying I need this to be easy.

After an uneasy laugh from Bucky, a claustrophobic silence settles over you all as the jet begins to take off. You’re in for an hour ride and plan to spend it going over battle plans with Peter when harsh whispering catches your ear. It’s Bucky and Steve nearly crushing Nat between them until she gets up and sits across from Peter, rolling her eyes. Still, you try your best to run him through the actions you both had planned - the names, the setups you needed to execute them, everything. If something happens to Peter, you’ll never forgive yourself.

And then, cutting through your soft promptings to Peter and his equally soft replies, Bucky’s voice. “Leave it, Steve. Until after this mission.” Even Tony looks up from his tablet, curiosity piqued. Their faces are both red, set hard and angry at each other and your stomach drops. What the hell is going on that Steve ‘Till The End Of The Line Rogers is fighting with Bucky You And Me, Pal Barnes? You must shift, or lean too far into Steve’s eyesight, because for the first time in what feels like years he is looking directly at you - and seeing you, too. It makes your pulse jump and, almost instinctively, you want to reach out and ground yourself on the rubber of the seat underneath you.

You don’t get the chance, though, because Steve speaks. “No, why should I? This is clearly affecting the team.” He’s still looking - glaring - at you like you’ve done something wrong. “What’s the point of waiting? I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

“Bo, I don’t think this is the time,” Bucky looks over his shoulder at you, then, and you know what’s coming. You know that it’s time, that Steve is about to break up with you in front of your teammates. Your friends. Your family. You steel yourself for the anguish you’re about to feel and then jerk your chin out, hardening your resolve.

“Buck, it’s fine. If Steve wants to address something, he can.”

Natasha says your name, a low warning over the hum of the quinjet. “I think he should wait.”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to wait!” Steve unbuckles himself and stands, “I have tried waiting, and look at where that has gotten me.” He puts his hands on his hips and puffs out a breath. You unbuckle and stand, too, unsure of where this is going. “You need to,” He holds one hand out, pointing at you while his voice shakes. You notice his hand is shaking, too, but fractionally. If you didn’t know Steve as well as you do you may have never noticed it. “You need to get it together.”

“I need to get it together?” You question, eyebrows nearly hitting the ceiling with how fast they shoot up. You’re not totally sure you’ve heard him right because what do you have to get together? The broken shards of your relationship? The information and research for your final paper? The awful way you’ve let yourself be treated for what seems like forever?

“You heard me,” Steve says, at the same time Bucky leans his head back and groans deep in his chest. “What? Someone had to say it.”

“We should wait for this,” Nat speaks up again, but lifelessly. She knows now that you and Steve are both on the warpath, neither of you are going to stop. (That’s also why the two of you work together as a couple so well. Very rarely are you both so worked up about something that you can’t back down, so the other is always there to meet you halfway and get you back to earth.)

“No, no, no,” You say, near hysterically, “No, he wants to do this now? Before a mission? Instead of the fuckin’ weeks we had to hash whatever crawled up his ass and died out? Be my guest. He’s already dragged everyone into this by treating me like a pariah.” You’re not sneering, but your teeth are gritted so tightly together you can hear them scraping and feel a tension headache beginning to bloom in your temples. Bucky looks… Almost incredulous at your statement. Like putting the blame on Steve is a dick move or something.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy here?” Steve is curling his lip, glaring at you. There’s something behind his eyes, but he’s buried it so deep that you can’t reach it and figure out what it is. “I’m the bad guy, right. Right, right, right.” He scoffs, shakes his head, and then he’s running his fingers through his hair like he really can’t believe what you’re saying to him.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” You throw your hands out to the side and let them slap back down on your thighs. “You ignore me, you make me feel like shit, you talk down to me like I’m some insignificant foot soldier. How else am I supposed to take that, Steve?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe ask me what’s wrong? Maybe ask me why I’m acting like this, instead of ignoring all of your problems like a child?” He mirrors your moments, but the sound his hands make when they hit the outside of his suit is more powerful than yours. Fueled by anger, you think. Anger and whatever the hell was in the serum Erskine pumped into Steve.

“Ask you?” You repeat, near-hysterical, “Ask you? Oh yeah, let me get right on that. Hey, Mister Rogers? Mister Captain America? Mister Ignores-His-Partner-For-God-Knows-Why? Hey, just why are you doin’ that?” You’re surprised that you’ve said something so snotty, but you don’t back down. (Steve looks surprised, too, and Bucky has stood up next to his friend like he’s about to start berating you as well. At least he looks more cautious about it, like he’s not totally sure that this fight should be happening.)

The more surprising part of your fight is how fast it’s shut down. Tony and Nat stand at the same time and exchange a glance like they’ve surprised each other. “That’s enough,” Tony starts.

Nat cuts him off. “I don’t care if you fight this one out instead of talking, but if you do it before this recon mission you two are going to blow it. Do you understand me?” She looks dangerous, the sharp edge of a knife spiraling through the air. You force yourself to look away from her, from Tony, from Bucky, from Steve. She’s right. You know she’s right - especially on this mission. Peter is there, going to be in real danger even though there’s not supposed to be one Hydra agent in a four-mile radius. You have to clear your mind and focus on protecting him.

Steve seems to think the same thing because he stands down. When you watch him collapse in on himself, Bucky’s arms around his shoulders, into the little quinjet seats your everything aches. Heart, lungs, eyes - everything. Even though you don’t know what’s going on, what could have possibly happened to make your relationship sink this quickly and out of the blue, you still love him. He’s still The One for you. You still want to be the one to comfort him and make him feel whole when he’s struggling.

But you can’t. You can’t and it kills you.

The heat of battle makes a lot of things fade into the background. Important things like why the fuck are there Hydra agents here? and Steve is going to break up with you when you get back on the jet and Tony swore on the fucking limited edition AC/DC vintage tour poster he has in his office that this would be an easy in/easy out information mission. None of that matters, though, because you’re in deep shit. There are seventeen of them, all primed to the teeth with weapons made to take your team down permanently.

You’re practically glued to Peter, calling out commands and plans for him to initiate. It’s when all of your plans fall through that you take a hit from a heavy fist on purpose, hitting the ground hard. “Plan F, Spidey, Plan F!” You cover the instruction with a groan and then you’re back on your feet, working your way toward him.

“Plan F?” Tony says, somewhere above you in his suit. Your comms crackle ominously as another heat-seeking grenade is launched, interfering with the radio waves your tech relies on. You don’t worry about it, because you know Tony is on it. He’s your eyes in the sky.

Peter is the one who answers his question, watching your close hand-to-hand tilt out of your favor briefly. “Plan Fuck It, Mister Stark.” He grunts as he webs up a Hydra agent, jerking him away from where he was about to slip a knife up and under Natasha’s kevlar. You finally drop the guy in front of you, ignoring Steve’s disappointed Language! and toss one of your knives toward Nat for her to use. Tony is still laughing in your ear, wheezing as he drops down and snags the rifle from one of the snipers and then takes back off.

What your little protégé failed to mention about Plan F is that it’s not just chaos, but controlled chaos. You let loose, letting a soft current cover every inch of your skin as Peter switches to his conductive webbing and takes special care to not web any of his allies. Except for you - if you’re in the way and he catches you in a web it doesn’t matter because you’re you, alive with electricity that drops the men that get caught in the web, too. You rip out of the webs and turn the current off when one of your teammates gets too close.

More Hydra agents are pouring out of the woods, topping out their numbers around twenty-five. That’s twenty-five too many in your opinion, especially when you can see Peter getting tired, his anxiety spiking, his moves having more and more hesitation behind them. You need to get this over with quickly, but you don’t have the options to do that. Steve, Bucky, and Nat are really the heavy-hitters - you, Pete, and Tony are the only ones without serums despite all of your individual abilities. Desperately you reach out for a web that’s still connected to Peter’s arms, pulling him out of the way of a baton that’s about to come down on the back of his neck.

The baton the agent is wielding glints in the coming dusk, freezing you as Peter scrambles past you with a quick apology. You’ve seen that before - seen it, felt it, know it like the back of your hand. There’s no way that you could ever forget that weapon. The man stumbles when his hit doesn’t connect but then rights himself and searches for a new target.

A long, black baton that splits into two prongs at the end is heavy in his hand. Electricity crackles between the bulbs at the end, flashing in the setting sun and your memories. The man only has one, but if it was hooked up to a machine, spinning. If there were four, five, six. If you were pinned between them, screaming in the pain as they rewrote your DNA… You’ve only felt it once, but you’ll never forget it.

And now, you’ll taste it again. On purpose this time. The man holding the stun baton is going for Steve’s back - his strong back, the one that protects people, the one that holds the weight of the world, the one that lays in your bed, the one you see whipping out of rooms as you’re entering just so that he doesn’t have to look at you - and you can’t let that happen. It only takes ten amps to kill a regular human, but you know those things are cranked up to twenty minimum. You don’t want to see how many amps of current it will take to stop Steve’s heart. You’re between the baton and Steve before you can think about what you’re doing or what comes next, the hard bulbs settling unyielding into your side and cranking out maximum power for maximum damage as soon as the current is connected and able to flow from one bulb to the other.

The pain hits you and your throat catches on it. It burns through your body, setting everything on fire - your chest hurts as your heart protests the electrons and then your powers kick in, sweeping them into your very atoms and cells. You’re a live wire now, ears humming and body thrumming with power you’ve only dreamed of. It hurts, and it burns, and you feel tears rising in your eyes because you’re back there - back begging for death or for life or for God and god at the same time - but then it’s over. The man sees that you’re not seizing up, not dropping dead in front of him, and he takes three steps back.

It’s not far enough.

You’ve only felt like this once before - right after you were unhooked from the machine that changed your life and brought you to your new family. You remember how you looked when you were put in front of a mirror with all of the pent up electricity circling your body - how your eyes were filled to the brim and dripping with bright and blue electricity, the way it was jumping across your body, how you didn’t need to breathe because your body was fully saturated with pure, unadulterated power. You wonder if you look like that now and assume you do because you can see the bright blue reflecting in the terrified eyes of the Hydra agent.

Your suit, unlike everyone else’s, is not grounded. It’s metal, metal, metal. You’re made to conduct, born for it, and the earth beneath you comes alive with bright white as you release all of the energy, the power, surges down and out. You’re practiced. You can reach out and feel the synapses and neurons of every human being in the clearing, know exactly where your teammates are standing, and know exactly how to target everything but them and the pitiful amount of electricity their brains carry. You grin, something truly feral and unhinged, and you can see the fear in the Hydra agent. Then, you let go.

You know that everyone is going to be pissed. (Maybe not everyone.) You’re not built for this, not made to take down nearly twenty fucking people at once. As you let go, you feel what they feel. The seizing muscles, the stopping of their hearts, the inside of their bodies crisping against their bones. At that moment, that delicious moment, you see the universe.

You become God. You become everything - your mother and your father and God and god and anyone else who’s watching your life from the ether. You become the judge, jury, and executioner of souls that you don’t know from Adam. You become lightning, and thunder, and exposed nerves of the cosmos at the same time. The world bends to your will and you relish in it, taking that power in your fist and wielding it to protect the man you’ll love for the rest of your life and the family that you’ve made. You will stop at nothing to end this, even if it means turning yourself inside out to do it.

You damn near do turn yourself inside out too, but that doesn’t matter, does it? The blood spilling from your ears, nose, and eyes feels like heaven. It’s hot, and thick, and it’s proof of the power that your body holds. You’re a temple and a sanctuary, a war-room and a bunker, a field of flowers and a sun-dry desert. It does not matter if Steve doesn’t love you at that moment, because you are love and hate wrapped into one package. You are everything and nothing, spread thin at the beginning and the end of time.

And then none of that is true. You are just… You. Standing in a clearing, surrounded by twenty-something dead Hydra agents and your terrified, terrified family. It hurts to breathe and you can taste blood in your mouth, but that’s an afterthought. Steve is still standing behind you, but he is alive. That is what matters.

This is what love is, you think.

Pain and pleasure.

Even if he leaves you, you will always love him.

Pain and pleasure.

You’re weak at the knees when he finally turns to see you - and you’re a sight. Struggling to stand, fingertips blackened with soot but not burnt, blood pouring from your nose, ears, eyes… You look like death, but you feel like life. Someone says something behind you - Peter, maybe? Or maybe Tony, in your comms? - but you don’t hear it. Everything tunnels out, your weak knees finally collapsing as you keel backward.

Steve bears down upon you almost immediately. You’re halfway to unconsciousness when he wraps you up in his arms, keeping you from falling in with the pile of bodies around you. He’s saying your name, harsh and soft and then in a voice like he’s ordering you to wake up. You loll about as he drops you down onto a patch of clear grass, hands searching your body for wounds. When he skims over your side, where the baton has burnt through your suit and your flesh, you surge back toward being able to have cohesive thoughts. The pain brings you back, hands wrapping around Steve’s arm and calling out his name. “Steve! Fuck, that hurts!”

“Honey,” He breathes, “Fuck, we have to get you back to the jet.” His jaw ticks, hair dirty and loose from its normal style. “Why’d you do that?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer from you, ordering Peter to web something up to carry you over your protests.

“I’m fine,” You argue, only slurring slightly, “I feel fine.” But you’re going to let Nat and Bucky load you up on the webbed stretcher anyway because it’s the first time Steve has cared for you in a long time. You want to relish in this moment, the way that he didn't say your name but called you honey.

Well, and because Natasha slides a thumb across her neck over Steve’s shoulder in a silent threat.

You groan when Bucky accidentally grabs your calf where there is an absolutely awful stab wound, but you wave off his apology. “How could you have known?” To be honest, you hadn’t even known it was there until his Vibranium hand was slipping against it and sending shockwaves of pain through you. Peter is next to you the whole time that you’re being carried back to the jet - Tony staying back to begin scanning the bodies of the Hydra agents for the information you need and any other information they may be carrying. The poor kid is nearly at a breakdown, so you reach out to him and shake his arm when his fingers twine with yours. “Chill out, kid, I don’t know how you got it into your head that this is your fault, but it sure isn’t.” He sniffles, but hands back with Steve as Bucky and Nat get you situated in the small medical room of the jet. They transfer you and then make to leave, only Bucky hesitating near the door.

“Stevie’s goin’ to be here soon and… I don’t know what made you do what you did but you have’t explain it to him. He’s bendin’ over backwards to figure it out, and we don’t have’a clue. Came out’a nowhere.” He looks at you for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the room. Your head is spinning, partially from what Bucky just said and partially from the pain and stimulus of electricity. You wait there, then, because this is it. This is the event horizon. You wait there, eyes closed, until you hear footsteps approach the med room, and then the door slowly opens. Steve says your name, holding all the finality and weight of an atomic bomb. You don’t open your eyes until he swings a chair next to the stretcher and lays a hand on your calf.

“You don’t have to do this,” You finally say, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to watch him. “I know that you don’t want to.” Steve only scoffs and begins to wash the stab wound using a packet of soap and a water bottle. You say his name twice before he looks at you, something between hate and hurt curdling into a glaze over his eyes that stops you in your tracks.

“Just let me do this. It is the least that you can do.” His words are painful and stilted, like it’s taking force to push them past his teeth. You lay back down and close your eyes, content to just feel the pain of Steve beginning to stitch you up and then dress the wound before you feel the pain of Steve leaving you like you knew he always would. (Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his.)

When he’s done he sits back and puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He heaves a heavy sigh and then shakes it off, “I’ll dress your burn, and then we’ll talk.” And normally, yes, you would agree but this is too important. You want to get it over with so you can lick your wounds metaphorically and dress them literally - and then you want to go home, you want to pack your bags, and you want to disappear and remake your life somewhere else.

Some far-off place where everyone you know won’t take one look at your face and know that you’re still painfully, deeply in love with Steve Rogers, end of your semester be damned. Family you’ve made be damned. You can’t sit around and be in love with him like a neon sign on a dark highway while it’s painfully clear that he hasn’t had a sign on his highway in a long time.

So instead of agreeing, you swing your legs over the stretcher and swallow your flinch when the burn pulls tight. Steve opens his mouth to argue but you give him a tight-lipped shake of your head and his jaw snaps shut. “No,” You say, voice not giving in to the emotion swirling in your chest. “I have let this go on long enough.”

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve fucking scoffs again and looks away from you. “One day was long enough.” He says, cutting straight to your core. Okay, ouch. You take a deep breath and shake your head to try and bite back the tears that are inevitably rising in your eyes. If one day was long enough for him to realize he doesn’t want to be with you, why did he let it go on for nearly a full year? Why did he spend so long leading you on, pulling you by a thread before garroting your heart with it? What was the point?

“If you want to leave me, just say that,” You reply harshly, standing and wobbling away from him. He just watches you go, watches the way you struggle past the lead weights your muscles have become, the way you’re starting to feel the stab wound on your leg, the way the skin on your burn is beginning to blister and only just now losing its heat. He just watches you, where the Steve that loved you once upon a time might have helped. You turn your back on him, hands on your hips so that you can hide the way that you’re crying and your hands are shaking.

“If I want to leave you? If?” He says. You hear the scrape of his chair as he stands, “I think after what you’ve done, it’s not an if, sweetheart.” The way he says it tastes like iron. Steve never calls you sweetheart like he never calls you by your name. It’s always honey, lover, dovie. You don’t turn to face him because you’re struggling to keep yourself above water. “I spent so long thinkin’, wonderin’, askin’ myself - God damnit, will you look at me?” You turn slowly, not because you’ve never heard Steve speak like that but because his voice is desperate and raw. When you turn, you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe him, standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and disappointed like in those PSA’s he had to film once. Maybe he’d be angry, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed like he gets in meetings when he doesn’t agree with something but he’s out-voted. But you never expect to see him crying, lip wobbling, folded in on himself like a young boy instead of the strong, invincible man you’ve come to love.

He looks so different.

It hits you, then, that you’re not looking at Steve Rogers. Not really. He's not Steve Rogers, not Captain America, not even Captain Rogers. You see him as he was - before America spat it’s untruths all over him and injected him with a serum that changed who he was, is, will be. He’s not the able-bodied man that you know, not strong and unreachable, not the heartthrob that overshadows the team during press events. He’s not America’s Darling, not really. Not where it counts.

You’re looking at Stevie Rogers. Stevie Rogers who, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to die before he made it out of toddlerhood or soon thereafter. Stevie Rogers who the doctors said wasn’t supposed to survive. Stevie Rogers who grew up sickly, rattling painful breaths and never playing ball with the neighborhood boys. Who couldn’t walk until middle school when he got his braces off. Who never had a partner because Bucky, strong and handsome and tall Bucky, was always deemed the better option. Who believed in his country so much that he tried to sneak into the second world war, subjected himself to a painful medical procedure so that he could change his very DNA to be what the world wanted him to be.

Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. Strong, blond, patriotic, resilient.

You’re sure that if men don’t want to go to therapy now, in the modern age, they certainly didn’t want to go in the ‘40s. So where did that leave Steve, your Steve, standing in front of you and looking small, and broken, and sad, and alone? Did they expect him to take his new, taller, working body and run with it? Did they not think about how he would lose a part of himself in the process? How did they expect him to go from disabled to abled without some disconnect?

You think about the You That You Were Before and the You That You Are Now, and how you lost a part of yourself when the accident gave you your powers and how you’d lose yourself if someone figured out a way to take them away. You Before formed your identity around being normal - living in a shitty home with shitty parents, sure, but normal - and You Now form your identity around your powers, your team, your job, your love. If you lost those things, what did you have left? Who would you be?

When Steve lost his identity and became everything that America wanted everyone to think that America was, what did he have left? Sure, he could tell himself that he represents America - strong and patriotic and just - but it must have conflicted with everything he knew about himself before that. You know that disabled people now know that American society is unjust, unfit for them with abled people not willing to make room to allow them to thrive. You can only imagine what it was really like for Steve in the ‘20s and ‘30s and ‘40s. What he had to do just to survive. (Medical experimentation, you remind yourself. Did they know it wouldn’t kill him? Did they know his body wouldn’t rip itself apart with the new sinewy muscle they were packing on? Did they care? Or was he just a body they saw as broken? A project to fix? To turn him into something more like them and call it patriotism?)

You shake your head at him, still filled with despair, and try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Stevie,” You start, pet name easily replacing what you had been calling him because it’s not fair to shoe-horn him into a body that doesn’t feel like his own. You wonder if he still expects the bone-grinding pain that he used to tell you would happen when it rains. He raises a hand, a strong and family hand, shaking his head.

“I just need to know why I wasn’t enough for you,” Steve looks sad, slouching in on himself like he’s expecting to get his ass handed to him in another alleyway and hope Bucky is there to save him. “I need to know why you wouldn’t just break up with me if you wanted to see other people so badly.” You suck in a shocked breath because, okay, that’s not what you were expecting. Between that and the paradigm shift you’ve had on how Steve must view his identity, body, and self, you’re stunned. Steve continues like he doesn’t even register that you look shocked and pale and now you’re crying because he thinks you’re cheating on him? “And I get it. I get it. You have no idea how much I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want me either, okay?”

You cut him off there because what the actual God damn fuck is he talking about? “No, Stevie, I’m not cheating on you.” You shake your head again and this, your statement, lights a fire in him. He still looks like Stevie rather than Steve, but there’s anger there. You imagine that’s what it might have looked like moments before he got himself in trouble back before he was serumed. “I’m not.”

“Oh, yeah?” He challenges, jaw ticking and chin jerking up, “Oh, yeah? You can’t lie to me. I know, okay? The act is up, it’s over, I know, okay? You can stop pretending.”

“Steve, I do not fucking know what you’re talking about but I”m not cheating on you!” You raise your voice, not really angry but more out of necessity. You need to get it out of his head that he is anything less than everything you want - that you could possibly love anyone more than you love him.

“I wanted to clarify something for you,” Steve says like he’s reading an old script from when he was just a beefy, red/white/blue stage prop for the American military, “I am excited to meet with you, but there are some rules. Do not talk about Captain Steve Rogers. I don’t want to hear about him,” As he continues to recite something that has clearly hurt him, you go lax. You know exactly what’s happened - your fists unclench, your jaw drops a little bit, and it feels like someone has gutted you, “I think it is wise to keep work and pleasure separate, and it’s a rule I will enforce heavily. I look forward to seeing you again.” He’s sneering at the end, tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

“Steve,” You try again, but he cuts you off.

“Am I just work for you?” His voice is shaking more than you thought possible, and so are his hands. You’ve never seen Steve so off-kilter, so thrown, and it breaks your heart that yes, technically, you’re the cause of this. Before this, before this horrible misunderstanding, your relationship with Steve was the paragon of trust so neither of you cared if the other read emails or texts. You remember the email - the email from your fucking college professor - because it had made you so angry that he’d referred to your relationship with Steve as something as simple and base as just pleasure - like you could even put words to the galaxy of a relationship you had with Steve - that you’d gone to the gym to work off some of that irritation. You hadn’t wanted to take it out on anyone accidentally. When you came back from the gym, Steve was gone on that two-week mission that he’d left on without saying goodbye.

Oh, God. You feel sick to your stomach as the paradigm of the way that Steve’s been treating you shifts violently to the left. You have to physically hold yourself up and try to speak past the lump in your throat. Steve looks… Brokenly smug. Like he knows he’s right, but he’d rather gnaw his own legs off than be right.

“No,” You croak, “No, Steve, you’ve got it all wrong.” You want to reach for him, but it feels like the room is closing in on you. You’re second-guessing everything now - especially what you’ve just said. How many people said the exact same thing to him pre-serum because they said something meant for Bucky to him? How many times did he hear that when he was getting a new diagnosis, hoping for the best? How many times had his own mother said it to him when he told her something someone had said, fresh-faced and not yet used to the way that abled people sometimes treated disabled people? You think you might be sick. “That email was from my professor, Steve. I’m not cheating on you, I’d never.” He laughs darkly and sits back down in his chair, head in his hands again. You try to gather the strength to move toward him when you see his shoulders shaking, a telltale sign that he’s crying.

“A professor,” He says with a watery laugh, “Right.”

Finally, you realize that he needs you, needs to know you love him, that you’d do anything for him. You can iron out the kinks later - figure out why he didn’t want to come to talk to you past the original hurt, why he treated you so coldly, why he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t do this to him - but now, you need to show him that you’re here. That you choose him. That you’ll always choose him.

You make your way to him and set a shaking hand on his shoulder. For a brief second you think he’s going to shake you off but then Steve’s hand shoots up and latches onto where your hand is resting, dipping his head to press against your arm. “Stevie, please,” You say, unsure of what you’re asking him to do, “I picked up a class, just one, and it’s… I picked it up for you, it’s about the ‘30s and ‘40s and…” He looks up at you and he looks so broken - face ruddy and wet with tears, lip wobbling, chest heaving as he tries to not sob. His brows are knit and he looks confused, “I just wanted to be able to understand you better. You had to leave so much of yourself at the door when you joined the Avengers, had to leave so much of yourself in the ice… In Erskine’s lab… Stevie, I just wanted you to be able to be you when you’re with me. I wanted to know the you that you were before you became Captain America.” Your voice is shaking, knees knocking together, and honestly? You feel like you might blackout.

“What?” He rasps, “What?”

“He sent that email because too many kids signed up for his class thinking that they’d be able to look at pictures of you and Buck for a semester. Emailed me directly because he knows we’re…” You choke on your words, shaking your head because you’re not even sure there’s a we anymore, “Because he knows I’m on the team. Didn’t want me walking in and making his class about just a few years in the ‘30s and ‘40s rather than the culture of the time.” You don’t know how else to explain it to him, but Steve isn’t saying anything - practically isn’t moving or breathing- so you continue to try and explain what’s really happening as best as you can, “And - and that email made me so angry because he singled me out, didn’t email anyone else about it, and I left to try and work some of that out; I didn’t want to take it out on you, or let it spoil - let it spoil… But when I came back from the gym, you were gone. You were gone for two weeks and I didn’t know why.” You’re crying harder now and pretty sure that within the next sixty seconds you’re going to collapse if you don’t sit down.

Steve shakes his head, still looking like he doesn’t understand. “What?” He says for a third time, “A class? A college class?”

“I just wanted to feel closer to you,” You confess, “Just wanted to understand a fraction of your life without making you do the heavy liftin’ and teachin’ me. Shouldn’t have’t do that,” You’re sobbing, barely biting out your words as you realize that something you’ve done to strengthen your relationship with Steve has destroyed it, “Shouldn’t have to explain a whole different time just to feel loved, Stevie. Should be able to be with someone who understands without you havin’ to explain.” You’re not sure you can say Peggy’s name out loud, and you hope he understands what you’re saying without making you actually say it, “Should’a been able to have love with someone who knew, and I know I’m nothin’ compared to what you should’a had, but I want to be. I want to be in the same ballpark instead’a watchin’ from the stands.” You wipe your face with your free hand and look away from Steve when he stands in front of you. You don’t want to see the look on his face - what he’s thinking about what you’ve said.

He says your name and you glance at him, but his expression stops him in your tracks. Where Steve looked broken and hurt and fuming with anger to hide the anguish, now he looks stricken. You shake your head, “No, no. I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty-”

“You think that I care about whether or not you can understand the ‘40s?” He cuts you off, hands moving to curl around your biceps, “You think that I care whether or not you can relate to a time in history when you weren’t even thought of?”

“Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, but you shouldn’t have to not care, Steve,” You argue, shaking your head, “That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be with someone who understands without explanation. I just wanted to give that to you - didn’t know that this would happen.”

“I should be with someone who loves me,” He argues back, “If you love me, that’s all that matters. My past be damned.”

“But your past is you!” You try to pull away from Steve, but he anchors you there. You’re dizzy from being so close to him after this long, but also because of how many different twists this situation has taken. You can barely keep up with how bad your communication with Steve has become - barely keep up with how you need to fix it, or how to fix it. “Your past is you,” You repeat when you realize that Steve isn’t going to let you go. “And you shouldn’t have to give that up so that someone will love you.”

“But you love me,” He says desperately, ducking his head so that he’s nearly nose to nose with you, “You love me, right?”

“More than anything,” You say, closing your eyes and relishing in the feeling of being so close to Steve, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, or anyone else. I’ll even stop goin’ to class if you want me to - Steve, I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t do this thing where you don’t talk to me about what’s botherin’ you.” You’re choking up, barely whispering, but you know he hears you. YOu can feel his warm breath on your face, “Nearly fuckin’ killed me.”

“I thought it was goin’ to be easier,” He breathes, nose bumping yours, “When you eventually decided to leave me for him. Thought I was savin’ myself some trouble.” You can practically taste his tears as they fall again, “Buck and Nat tried to tell me that you weren’t - that you wouldn’t - but I just couldn’t believe them.”

When you open your eyes, his are closed. This close to him you can see the soft freckles that are blooming over his eyelids, his soft eyelashes kissing his cheekbones. You can feel him breathing, feel him nearly pressed against you in a way that feels hauntingly nostalgic and terrifyingly fleeting; like you’ll be able to feel his warmth for years to come, but he’s about to disappear. “That’s okay,” You finally whisper, “It’s okay that you didn’t believe them. That you thought what you thought. It’s okay.” He shakes his head against yours, opening his mouth to protest, but you refuse to let him feel guilty about feeling this way - you have plenty of time to sit him down and talk to him candidly about the way he acted because of these feelings, anyway. “If I would have been in your place I’m not sure I would have believed them.”

“I treated you so badly…” He shifts and wraps his arms around you. It’s almost immediate - you relax into his arms and wind yours around his waist, keeping him pulled against you as he presses his face into your neck and you press your cheek against his chest. “So awfully.”

“We’ll talk about that, okay? But later. Right now you just need to know that I love you, Steve. I love you more than I can tell you - more than I can express.” You want to kiss him, but you can’t. Can’t kiss him, you need to wait for him to kiss you, for him to close that gap and show you that he still loves you like you love him. “We’ll have to have a talk, a long and hard conversation about this, Stevie, but for now… For now, I’m just content to be with you, okay? MIssed you so much.”

He sighs, nose pressing against yours again. “Missed you too, dovie. Missed you more than I can even say,” His voice breaks as his lips brush yours. Your relationship is not without its flaws and problems - Steve’s actions when he thought you were cheating on him are proof of that and, well, the fact that you didn’t realize what was happening, why it was happening, or a large part of your boyfriend’s psychological makeup having an impact on your relationship while it went unknown by you… There is a lot of work for the two of you to do, a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to be done… But you’d do it all for Steve, over and over again.

When he presses forward and presses his lips gently to yours, you know that he’ll do it all for you, over and over again, too.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers/reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel imagine #mcu imagine

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leviiackrman · 4 years

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The Encyclopaedia of a Design Students Imagination

Part 2: Jessica Carter / ‘Spectre’ (MCU)

Notes: I had to rewrite this one because honeslty it was awful and it’s still not perfect or amazing but it needed saying: I love this gal way too much to leave her bio like it was haha.

Words: 1675

Tags: @chuckhansen @simonxriley @noonvvraith @ginadotjpg @ayrennaranaaldmeri @missdictatorme - anyone with writing knowledge who might be interested or could help me aha (let me know if you don’t wanna be tagged tho ofc)

Originally raised in England with her brother Michael and sister Peggy Carter, Jess was always wanting to pursue a career in medicine. Her close bond with her siblings allowed her the courage to leave the comfort of her home and travel across the Atlantic to New York City where she studied hard to become a nurse; with aspirations of later becoming a doctor. She lived alone for a while, focussing on her studies while trying to earn enough of a living to survive. As difficult as it was, she soon found company in a couple of young lads who frequented the diner she waitressed in – Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. The next few years proved fruitful for their friendships, supporting each other in their endeavours until they had to part ways as the war broke out. Within the few years of being around each other however, Carter and Barnes sparked a different sort of relationship, but never finding the courage to pursue their feelings.

Things escalated in the later years, with Barnes being assigned to the 107th regiment, and Steve also venturing off to work for the Army – to Jess’ unliking. Although she was concerned for Steve’s safety, she was comforted by the presence of her sister Peggy and continued to aid them as much as she could. Carter had worked hard to become a superb doctor in this time, soon being assigned as head of the medical base on the front line. Now in her element on the front line, she was taken off guard when the news of Barnes’ capture reached her ears. Relief washed over her when she saw the pair return to camp, and from here on she made a point to hide her feelings no longer. Settled as much as she could be within the circumstances the pair now lived in, she enjoyed the knowledge that the end of the war would bring her happily ever after for the 2 of them.

The dawning of The Howling Commandoes allowed her to travel with them as their personal medical aid, but when Barnes didn’t return from their mission; her heart sank. All she had wanted was washed away with him. Promises were made, forcing herself to carry on without him, but losing Steve within the following weeks crumbled the rest of her world in.

---

Distraught, afraid, alone. Her mind faded for a while, letting the pain of losing her friends consume her as the world carried on around her. Even in her state, she tried her best to keep working – to continue on her lifelong goal, only to faulter at each obstacle thrown her way. Concerned for her wellbeing, Peggy convinced her to live within the Stark mansion with herself and Howard, soon becoming friends with the latter and aiding him in some of his riskier experiments. The possession of the Tesseract now being in the hands of SHIELD and the idea of creating power that could help many lives, Jess jumped at the opportunity to be a part of its completion. Feeling she had no purpose outside of her work anymore, the combination of the Tesseract and her abilities posed many threats to her safety – but none of this could stop her.

The experiment – recreated in a similar way to Steve’s - led her to being infused with the Tesseract’s power, enabling her multiple abilities that she learnt to use over the years. Within a matter of weeks, she was practicing using her new abilities, in the hopes that one day her teleportation, reforming of matter and telepathy could give her life a new purpose. The infusion with her body also caused her to not age, proving useful to the development of SHIELD, where she was trained as an Agent alongside her sister.

---

Her many years with SHIELD proved fruitful in their development of knowledge and technology. However, many saw her powers as a threat; demanding she was restrained from public appearances and missions outside of the States. She followed her orders, deciding to keep the peace instead of fighting back, keeping the knowledge of her abilities private in a small group within SHIELD. Her experience granted her a high position within their ranks where she could oversee many decisions taking place, but this didn’t stop her from breaking the rules now and then when she saw it necessary to involve her abilities.

The discovery of Steve’s body was the first of many discoveries that would shape her destiny forever. Too many choices sprang to mind; to fight to defend her best friend from the dangers looming their way, or follow the orders given to her so many years ago.

New York’s attack. The deciding moment. To follow her own lead or stay in the shadows. Those around her; all powerful and all in a similar position, how could she not? She knew of Tony, she had watched his work for a while at the instruction of SHIELD, to monitor potential ‘heroes’. Could this group of people really be the answer she had waited so long to hear?

Her mind was made up, and she never hesitated when the time came to follow her own ruling. The next few years proved challenging, but her new family around her was enough to keep her focussed on the job that needed doing. Assignments from SHIELD, communications with Nick and Tony; all this drove her forward.

That is, until Him.

This stability she had recently found was shaken with the return of Bucky – the answer she never got. The piece that was lost forever. With SHIELD now in ashes at her feet, and Barnes now back in the real world; that fear and its thick cloud blurred her judgment once more. So many relied on her clear mind to be rational, but how could she? Her heart drove her towards him, the obstacles throw in front of her only guiding her more towards what she had always wanted.

New York. Washington. Sokovia. They had all brought her to where she was and now she was sat on the edge - facing the one thing she had always been missing. She tried to stay grounded, to listen to those around her and defend the family she had found, only to push it aside when He was just within reach. She tracked Bucky to Romania, watching him closely for a few months before being discovered by him and having to flee back to Steve, explaining what happened and cautioning him on how to approach. Vienna forced their hand, and she was first to decline the Sokovia Accords, knowing she had spent too long hiding her own passions, regardless of the cost. She would defend him. She knew him. Even the man she had watched wasn’t the villain they were chasing. Stumbling her way around the conflict, her devotion to Barnes severed the trust she had formed with Tony and she knew she no longer had options.

For the next few years, she focussed her attention on tracking down remaining Hydra members, removing any threats that could potentially take him away again. Once her job was done, Jess returned to Bucky, spending whatever time she could find at his side in Wakanda and rebuilding the relationship they had lost so many years ago.

Their time together was cut short at the hands of Thanos, where she was contacted by Steve and the others to help find Wanda before it escalated and resulted in returning to Wakanda – but not how she had imagined. She fought alongside her friends, defending their futures as much as she could until… PAIN.

---

White excruciating pain soared through her as she fell to the floor and starred at the large bite on her leg. An Outrider had caught her during the battle, leaving her defenceless as she used every piece of energy she could find to fight off the infection now soaring through her body.

Her vision blurred, her mind fading in and out of the fight. One minute she was standing, fighting off more and more creatures as they surrounded her, the next she was rested against a tree, facing Bucky as he urged her to stay hidden. Her eyes closed once more, before hearing the sound of an ungodly explosion, forcing her to stand and go to her friends, only to witness the aftermath of Thanos. One by one, her friends vanishing before her eyes. Collapsing to the floor, she later awoke back at the Avengers base. The pain was no longer there, but as she looked around at the dark room she was in, she saw it. The lower half of her left leg – gone. She couldn’t remember what happened, but she needed answers.

---

It had been years. Tony had been saved, Carol had returned and Thanos was dead. What else could be done? A life spent looking for answers and meaning was faced with a wall when she had awoken, making her furious and driving her out of the compound to do more. To be what she had promised herself she would be. Tony had helped to give back her balance, creating a new piece of her so she could stand another day. It didn’t take long however for her past to catch up with her. Steve found her, brought her back to her home where she struggled to settle in the world that was now made for them.

Scott’s return brought back warmth, brought back hope. She used the last of her will to drive her forward. One more decision and one more chance.

----

Losing a few to save the many. That was the deal they made.

The pain brought back more fears, the trauma of failing. But they didn’t fail. They won. It took time – patience – to gather herself and find normality again. It wasn’t the life she had wanted; it certainly wasn’t what she had imagined, but one thing was for certain – she was safe in His arms, falling in love just as she had done all those years ago.

#oc: jessica carter #marvel oc #my ocs #character description #marvel #i spent wayyyy too long working on her aha #and doing a marvel marathon meant i was hooked again #ANYWAY #my writing

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mightytwogunkid · 5 years

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The Simplified Story of Bucky and Toro

@gegeru replied to your post

teach me senpai

ayt here’s the short version (not so short actually i got passionate lol)

So Bucky Barnes the TEENAGE sidekick to Steve Rogers known as Captain America & Toro Raymond the teenage sidekick to Jim Hammond the Human Torch

So Bucky and Toro met back in the summer of 1941. Steve often had alone missions (more dangerous, remember that Bucky was like 13 before all that got retconned) so he left Bucky to do speeches in front of the Sentinels of Liberty (which is like a political group but also a Captain America fan club). Bucky Meets four other boys with who he forms the Young Allies

Then Toro shows up (he was probably bored) and decides he’s the leader now. (Toro had been a sidekick longer than Bucky) Bucky doesn’t agree, they fight the Red Skull and become best of friends

Just think about the fact that Marvel’s first team-up series was a Bucky/Toro event

The U.S. entered WW2 a few months later. Toro and Bucky was part of the Invaders alongside Steve, Jim, Namor and other heroes that joined later (or were retconned as part of the team)

They were also part of the Kid Commandos, the junior division of the Invaders

The Young Allies were still a thing while they were at war, the other members having joined the military as well.

(if you’re an MCU fan, you may ask yourself where do the Howling Commandos fit in all this, and the answer is: nowhere, it was actually Nick Fury (now Sr)’s team (bucky and steve teamed up with them tho)

Which meant that unless Bucky was on a mission alone with Cap or being kidnapped cuz he liked rushing into things, Bucky spent most of his time with Toro.

Death and resurrection under the read more (there’s also a TL;DR)

The perfect expression to describe Bucky and Toro would be “Thick as thieves”. One of their favourite activities was annoying the heck out of Namor.

It’s important to note that Namor deeply cares about the two boys tho, he’s “Uncle Namor” basically.

Then as we all know, Bucky, Steve and Jim all “died”. Only Toro and Namor (out of the main invaders) survived WW2. Toro got married but was killed horribly during the ’50s.

And now we get to the part about what makes this an EPIC friendship that survives death and 70 years apart

So as everyone knows Captain America was found in ice and Bucky was a brainwashed assassin for the Red Room, but Steve freed him. Then came Civil War and Steve was killed awaiting trial. Bucky became Captain America.

Bucky went and looked to see what had happened to all his war buddies (2 of them were still alive, one died the same night Bucky visited him, the other a few months later).

Now this where it all happens, in Invaders/Avengers. I recommend reading it because I really like it but a quick summary: The Invaders time travel to the present time. The invaders fight the mighty avengers, then they realize they are fighting for nothing. The New Avengers join in, they all fight the life model decoys that are rebelling, then the invaders go back to their time, some avengers go with them, they all foil hydra’s plans and the avengers return to their time.

Now for the Bucky & Toro subplot: sidekick!ww2!bucky meets some dude dressed as Captain America that is clearly NOT Steve. (remember it’s older Bucky but neither does younger Bucky nor the PUBLIC know that). Captain America tells younger Bucky to take care of his arm and to not go on the bombs, to not be a hero just once

Toro finds out that he dies saving Namor from the Mad Thinker. Because of the wording of the dude that told him and information Toro does not have, he’s left to believe that Jim and Steve left him to die. (Steve was on ice and Jim was “dead”, but they came back to life after Toro had died but Toro didn’t know that he just knew they were alive AFTER he had died so he assumed they were alive WHEN he had died, you get me?)

now this scene here, is SUPER important, because now Bucky sees that his death, also affects Toro’s death

When Bucky went back to his time, he held the cosmic cube. He had the opportunity to change his fate, to not die the way thew future Cap had warned him about. But he can’t. Then later, when that fateful day comes, he ignores future Cap again as well as Steve because a lot of people could die from that bomb and he can’t let that happen, he’s a hero. And he can’t change the past without any consequences. He falls, you what happened.

In the present, Toro digs his way out of a grave. The original Vision (a martian and an Invader) is waiting for him. Someone wanted Toro to live.

Present time!captain America!Bucky helped Toro adapt to modern times.

For a while Toro was in character limbo, Marvel had kind of forgotten about him. marvel often forgets about Bucky’s friends. Bucky also died in Fear Itself (and after he came back to life, Marvel was like, you know all those friends he made while he was Captain America, well let’s just ignore that they were friends, especially when it comes to former circus kids.)

Toro was in custody of SHIELD where they ran tests on him. They thought he was a mutant, but it Turned out he was actually an Inhuman (which meant he had alien blood), and he was invited to New Attilan, home of the Inhumans.

Now Toro shows up from time to time in Inhuman-related storylines and the Invaders comic (although on rare occasions, mostly in flashbacks, he’s more like a part-time member and doesn’t really fight alongside the others). Marvel doesn’t really let him team up with Bucky much probably because (1) It would be total chaos and (2) it would ruin Bucky’s dark and broody image that makes him popular as the Winter Soldier

so this is the simplified version, there’s more to it and there’s stuff that’s been retconned multiple times because golden age (All-Winners Squad and their ages and Steve and Bucky's death, the replacement cap and Bucky, Bucky being trained and his meeting with Steve was staged and other stuff) and i mostly did this out of memory so I must have forgotten multiple stuff so please feel free to correct me or add anything

too long; didn’t read: So basically, Bucky had 2 best friends, Steve who was like his older brother/father figure and Toro, his buddy and Bucky spent most of the time he wasn’t with Steve alongside Toro. Bucky decided to resurrect Toro instead of saving his own life

#bucky/toro #comics #invaders #bucky barnes #toro raymond #wintersparks #bucky x toro #toro #bucky #Winter Soldier #gegeru #long post

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damn-daemon · 5 years

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Fictober 2019 - Day 2

Fanfiction - Fandom: MCU/Captain America Fic: Timeless - Yvonne (OC)/Bucky Prompt: “Just follow me. I know the area.”

“Look, I’m not saying Paris isn’t nice,” Dum Dum Dugan emphasized, avoiding the glares of both Yvonne and Dernier. “It’s a very pretty city. Very...artsy. But I don’t need a painting. What I need is a pub.”

There were murmurs of agreement.

Morita tossed his cigarette aside. “Problem is, there’s only, what, three or four designated G.I. spots? And those are all stacked to the gills.”

“Surely the Howling Commandos are an exception to the rule,” Falsworth suggested, leaning against the brick of a building they had gathered beside. He winked at a passing woman. “Working for the SSR has to be of benefit at some point.”

“Fighting for king and country not good enough for you?” Jones teased, listening as Dernier mumbled something quietly.

“King, country, and a decent bottle of scotch,” Falsworth corrected. “The last of which I am severely lacking.”

Bucky chuckled at the antics of his fellow soldiers. It was nice to be so at ease. The last couple months had been something else, so standing around arguing about where they could drink was like a dream come true. Steve was off doing public relations somewhere. He might not have been the big bonds salesman anymore, but even the SSR couldn’t deny a publicity stunt like Captain America marching into a newly liberated Paris. The press were having a field day.

He turned to Yvonne. She’d been fairly quiet the entire day, and though she was smiling at the boys as well, it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Before everything, he would have questioned why she wasn’t happier that her country was finally being freed from the Germans, but he’d learned a lot over the past couple years. Sometimes the best things only served to highlight the worst of the past.

His arm brushed hers slightly.

That seemed to wake her from whatever daze she had fallen into, her smile growing a little wider. “You boys don’t plan on emptying a pub of all its contents, do you?”

Several sets of interested eyes turned toward her.

Dugan grinned. “Sounds to me like Miss Dupuis has the solution to our current predicament.”

“Just follow me. I know the area.”

It was a solid twenty minutes of walking, weaving through streets that seemed to grow smaller and smaller, including one particular alleyway that required them to go single file. Morita had joked that Dugan would get stuck and was beaned by his bowler hat not a minute later.

Over time, Bucky noticed the areas grow quieter. The din from the celebrations fading away. Running into other soldiers became infrequent, and then there were none at all. Only a civilian or two, not the ones hurrying off to join the fray, but those simply out for an evening walk, heading home for the night. This was a quiet neighborhood, isolated from everything.

Yvonne came to a halt outside a small, thin building in the middle of a courtyard. A large bay window took up most of its front, providing an easy view of its interior. A couple people were inside, enjoying quiet conversation at their tables.

Bucky couldn’t help but feel they were about to be the proverbial bulls in the china shop.

“One minute,” Yvonne said, holding her finger up. She stepped inside and got the attention of the bartender. Even through the glass, he could hear the shout of joy. The man inside embraced her tightly and quickly gestured the others over, and soon there were several rapidly speaking voices, the sentences indistinguishable from the others.

“What’s going on?” Jones asked.

Bucky smiled softly. “She’s home.”

The door opened a moment later, a happier Yvonne greeting them. “Come inside. No soldiers tonight. Only friends.”

After several sets of ‘woops,’ the boys crowded inside, happily greeted by the patrons within like they’d known them their entire lives. Bucky lingered by the doorway with Yvonne, watching the madness.

“Vincent was a friend of my father’s,” Yvonne said. “They fought in the war together. My brother, Henri, bought his first drink here, and then he fell into that fountain the same night.”

She pointed to the small structure in the center of the courtyard, laughing as she did so. Bucky could see the warmth in her eyes at the memory, even through the sorrow. It would always be home, but it also couldn’t be. He often wondered if Brooklyn would feel the same way.

“I never thought I’d see this place again.”

Bucky looked back at her. “You can probably stay here, if you want. Anyone tries to stop you, they’d have to go through us.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me, Sergeant Barnes?”

“Not on purpose, Eve,” he replied, grinning. “Never on purpose.”

That made her smile. “Good. Until this war is over, you’re stuck with me.”

As he watched her walk away, Bucky wondered how terrible he was for hoping it wouldn’t end.

Kastle’s Fictober - Day 1

#I love the commandos #they deserved more screen time #fictober19 #timeless #yvonne dupuis #bucky barnes x oc #mcu oc

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picassho-18 · 6 years

Text

World Swapping Finale

Summary: (Bucky x Fem!Reader) When a hard-core MCU fan travels into the events of Captain America: Civil War, she has to balance keeping the Avengers from tearing apart, and a growing adoration of the deadly Winter Solider.

Warnings: cursing as always, angst Black Panther Spoilers, some Infinity War references

A/N: This is the final part! This had been such a fun series to write, so please enjoy! This series was my heart and soul, literally, I felt a very deep connection with it, and I want others to as well so please reblog, so it gets spread, I hope the ending was as good as the story was ;)

Please enjoy and please please leave feedback!! ;)

Taking a deep breath, you walked the pathway up to the tower’s front. Passing by a window, you saw Tony and Rhodey walking by. A grin spread onto your face, leaning towards the window, and give it a sharp couple raps. Startling Tony and Rhodey, they both looked up quickly ins surprise, but their jaws both dropped when they realized who they were looking at. They ran to the front door, and you walked over so when they opened it, you had the biggest shit eating grin on your face.

“Guess who’s back?!” you exclaim, opening up your arms.

Tony rushed forward, pulling you into a hug, “What the fuck are you even doing here?!?” Pulling back, you have Rhodey a quick hug.

“Well, I’ll explain everything, but first you still have those Avengers chocolate bars here? I’ve been craving one since I left and they don’t have them in my old world!”

You sat everyone down in the tower and explained what had happened. Described how when you got back an seen the Black Panther movie you decided you wanted to come back. Tony had asked when you had gotten all buff, and with a smirk explained your extracurriculars during your two months away. Even told Nat, you were excited to spar her again, and see if she saw improvement.

Tony had also began to explain what had been going on since you disappeared. Apprently, time passed differently between your two worlds so while you were only away for 2 months, time had passed for 2 years here. So lots had happened while you were away, describing Peter’s whole homecoming fiasco in detail. Peter was a jumping ball of excitement when he talked his homecoming dance, describing how he saved the day. Tony, all the while, was smiling proudly, like the dad he was.

Clearing your voice, you finally asked what had been at the front of your mind sense you stepped into the portal.

“Where’s Bucky?” Everyone went silent, shifting in their seats slightly. Looking around the room, you asked again, “Guys, why isn’t Bucky here?”

Nat cleared her throat, “Well, the thing is, you had told T’Challa about Wakandan technology, and when Barnes went through a rough patch after you left, T’Challa had offered to help him with Shuri.”

“Wait,” your cheeks getting warmer, “He went to Wakanda? Did he get better? I had watched a scene in Black Panther where Shuri had taken him out of cryo, is he out yet?”

Steve let out a soft chuckle, “Slow down, Y/N, one question at a time. We don’t have much time to visit Wakanda a lot, but the last time I was there Bucky was still in cryo.”

“Okay, so he’s gonna get better, good. Good.” a smile grew on your face, with the thought of a happy Bucky, an image of Bucky in the after credit scene growing in your head. “Do you think, Steve, that you could take me to Wakanda? So I could see him, even if he’s still only in cryo?”

A smile grew on his face, “Yeah, I haven’t seen him in a while, a quinjet could get us there in a couple hours. Who wants to tag along?”

“Oh Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark, can I go?! Please please please?!” Peter asked, jumping up in excitement.

“Ha, no. You have school tomorrow so that’s a big fat nope, kid.” Tony responded, patting Peter on the shoulder. “Steve, Y/N, you guys go on ahead, tell Buck I say hi.”

“Haha funny Tony. See you later.” Steve replied, giving a small glare at him. The two of you got up and headed off to Wakanda.

The quinjet ride took a couple hours, but it was just you and Steve talking, filling the silence with a growing friendship. He described Bucky back in the 40’s and how he was such a lady’s man. How he would be Steve’s little guardian, how every time kept Steve’s crazy ass in check every time he might go off the rails. Then he talked about their time in the war, as the Howling Commandos.

You smiled along, absorbing all the details he described, Obviously, you knew the outlines of their lives, through the movies, but all these small details Steve described, it made them so much more than just a character. They were real person. It made you have the biggest smile possible on your face the whole ride there.

After going through the bubble that protected Wakanda, Steve landed the quinjet on a landing pad. After just watching Black Panther, entering Wakanda was so much more powerful. You jaw was wide open when you stepped out to be greeted by T’Challa and Shuri. Gasping, you pointed at Shuri, “Oh my God, that’s Shuri. Literal best Disney Princess ever!” whispering under your breath to Steve who was walking next to you, causing him to laugh. Walking up to T’Challa, and Shuri, you gave T’Challa a hug, saying how you missed him, and glad he could get through his Wakandan war, explaining how when you were back in your world you had seen the Black Panther movie.

Shuri gasped, “This was the lady you were talking about, brother?! The crazy one with the movies?”

“Speak lightly, sister, she probably saved my life, and many others with her knowledge.”

You chuckled, “Yup, that’s me, I am most definitely the one with the movies. I, for one, am a very big fan of yours. You are a genius!”

“Wait, I take it back, anyone who thinks I’m a genius must not be crazy!” Shuri said with a smile, extending a handshake.

“Well, Y/N, you traveled across dimensions to see Sergeant Barnes again, so I won’t keep you from him any longer. I’ll lead the way for you to see him.”

As T’Challa was leading the way, he didn’t go into the building, but was, rather walking into the direction of a nearby lake.

“T’Challa? Why are we going this way, isn’t the cryo chamber in the building?” Steve asked, confusion flashing across his face.

T’Challa, looked back, and said, “Indeed, Captain, the cryo chamber is that way, but the Sergeant Barnes is not.” with a smirk, he continued, “We have woken the soldier. He is sleeping off the cryo freeze in medical tent over there.” pointing towards a small group of huts on the shore of the lake.

Your heart sped up with the idea of Bucky being awake, within your grasp. When you had heard he was frozen again, you heart sank, not knowing when you would be able to talk to him again, but settled on just seeing him. Now, he was going to be awake, and you would be their when he did.

Shuri saw the look in your eyes and nudged you, “Go, wake him up already. He’s been so mopey since he got here and he’s slept enough.”

Nodded, you started to run, not caring if they kept up with you. Once you got to the tent, you froze. Slowly, you peeled back the tent, to reveal a sleeping Bucky. Walking softly, you gently sat on the side of his bed, your eyes soaking in every aspect of Bucky. The way his hair had such a soft look to it, a length you hadn’t seen before. Or the majestic robing he had one. Or the black and gold metal arm he had. Grinning, you recognized it from the Infinity War promos, proud that you had somehow affected the timeline enough to change this one detail. Who knows maybe you affected the Marvel timeline enough so Thanos wouldn’t even come.

Your attention came back to Bucky when you heard a soft inhale of breath. He was stirring. You slowly, reached a hand up, and brushed a piece of hair off his forehead, and heard a sigh come from Bucky. A smile came to your lips, and continued to slowly stroke his hair, easing him into consciousness.

His eyes fluttered open, and a lazy smile grew, “Oh look, my sweet angel is here”

You moved your hand to hold his face, stroking his cheek with your thumb, “Bucky, it’s me Y/N, I’m back” you whispered softly.

“Y/N, I know, my angle.” he said slowly and softly, still droizy, and eyes fluttering open and shut. Now you were suspecting he was still highly foggy and not completely off whatever they put into him to sleep. “Oh, how I’ve missed you. Y/N, my angle, I wished we could have seen each other again. I never got to say what I wanted.” With that you realized, that he thought he was dreaming, not knowing this was real.

“Buck, I’m here. You’re awake, I’m actually back” you said, trying to convince the half drugged super soldier that you were real.

Slowly, consciousness seems to soak back into his eyes, and they widened in realization. Lifting a hand up, he caressed your face, and you leaned into it, kissing his open palm. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, Buck. It’s me.”

He sat upright, crushing you into a tight hug, pulling you on top of him. It seemed like forever, of the two of you soaking each other up, holding the other in their arms. All to quickly Bucky pulled back, and held your face in between his hands.

“Y/N, what are you doing here? How are you here?!”

With a sheepish smile, you looked down, breaking eye contact, “Well, I uh, forced a couple of sorcerers to bring me back, because, I well, missed you a little too much for my liking.”

Looking up, you saw a smile spread on his face, making his crystal blue eyes sparkle even more. This was always when you thought he was most handsome, whenever you saw him smile, whether it was in the movies or here. It was that smile.

“I missed you a lot too, but I didn’t cross any dimensions by highjacking a couple sorcerers.”

“Yeah, well, I missed you, and I, uh, there’s something else.” you say with a small smile.

A knowing smirk appeared on Bucky’s face, “And what might that be?” he whispered, leaning forward.

You leaned in closer, whispering back, “Well, through some crazy adventures, I think I’ve fallen in love with this dark and brooding ex assassin, who’s actually a big fluff ball once you look past his hard exterior. Ever heard of him?”

Even softer, with his lips just slightly below yours, “I don’t think I have, doll.” A smile appeared on your lips, right before Bucky’s lips crashed to yours. The second his lips touched yours you knew you were done for. Everything that you had worked so hard for the past few months had been for this moment. To be with Bucky. All the fighting, and the watching and shooting, all the stress and bruises, was all washing away with the way Bucky’s lips captured yours. The kiss was filled with passion, evidence of the long waiting of both people for this to happen.

When Bucky pulled back, all to quickly, in your opinion, he leaned his forehead against yours and chuckled. “I love you, I love you so much"

Pulling him closer, you gave his forehead a kiss, “I love you too Buck”

After Shuri cleared him, explaining how she gotten rid of his trigger words, you, Bucky, and Steve, flew back to the tower. The next two days consisted a lot of hanging out with Bucky, going on little dates, and trying to educate him on modern tech. Just goofing around, you made social network accounts for him, already making some for yourself with the new Stark phone you got. Bucky immediately took to Snapchat, constantly sending you snaps whenever you weren’t together. Steve was happy, never seeing him this happy since before Hydra.

You had kept that promise with Nat, and showed what you had learned while you were away. She was impressed to say the least, and said that you would make a great Shield agent. Bucky was a little apprehensive, but knew that you were strong enough.

When you finally had settled in, you pulled out the bag of personal stuff you brought through the portal. Inside, was all the DVD’s you had of all the released Marvel movies. You had everything up to Ragnarok, and talked to everyone, asking if they wanted to join in a marathon. Of course everyone said yes, wanting to pretty much watch their very own home videos. Even the out of the tower Avengers like Peter, Clint, and Scott came for some of them.

It was a crazy experience, watching these movies with the actual characters, and you were secretly hoping that you were messing up this universe too much by it. You had done warnings before each movie, briefly describing each possibly triggering or uncomfortable scene in each movie.

Your favorite thing to do during this, was the gauge the reactions of the Avengers during specific scenes. During Iron Man 3, you watched Steve and how he reacted, wanted to see what he got from it, seeing if he got more of Tony’s viewpoint of the world. Afterwards you had seen Steve go up to Tony and say something, casing the two to hug tightly, and you to smile, glad that these were helping.

It was when you put the disk of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, during the second day of the marathon that you started to doubt if it was a good idea. Bucky had come up from behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle, looking at the case in your hands. He had whispered in your eye that he would be fine watching it, but you told him “I don’t know if I can anymore. Not after knowing you”

He reassured you, and after some turmoil you put it in. Whenever a specific scene would come up, such as the torture scenes or really anything with Bucky as the Winter Soldier, you would squeeze his hand so tight, just to remind yourself that he was here with you, and to remind him you were there with him.

It had taken a couple of days, but you had finally reached Ragnarok. You were extremely glad that everyone had watched them, you felt everyone had a much better understanding of everyone else’s point of views. Knew exactly what each person had gone through, and now now exactly what would have happened if you hadn’t stopped the civil war.

It was a couple days later when it happened. You had Bucky’s head in your lap, playing with his hair, while having game night with some of the Avengers, when Breaking News flashed on the T.V. The was some sort of a big space ring in the middle of New York, somehow it appeared out of nowhere. You gasped, recognizing it from the Infinity War trailer, “Thanos” you breathed out.

Turning to everyone, “Guys, that’s Thanos. He’s here.”

Tony, standing up and calling his suit, “Y/N, start briefing us on this dude.”

A small smile grew on you face, seeing Bucky dash up and start getting his weapons. You knew that Thanos was powerful, the trailers shown as much, but you were hopeful. You felt that with your knowledge, and a united Avengers team, and a healed Bucky by your side, Thanos’s defeat was possible.

Standing up, you looked around the room. Everyone was ready, no one was scared. You made eye contact with Bucky and he smiled, grabbing your hand in his.

Turning to Tony, you heard the phrase that would get you through this.

“Avengers…

Assemble!”

World Swapping Tag List: *Closed*

@reclusive-chicken-nugget @hopelesslywaitingforfood @torntrashbag@jamesbuckybananabarnes @weclassygirlsuperwholockian5ever@dylanshales @endofthefuckingfangirl@whovianwriter @lokiplaysow@thegngerthatwaited @othersillyfangirlpurplekitten30@stuckygrief@seilamigliorcosacheabbiamaivisto@slytherinbithc@josislifehotcheetosandsalsa @thewhinersoldier@sakurashortstack @himynameistroxa @mad1020-blog @nico-tefa@sergantbarnesbitch@buckyhoneyno @hellaoppa @ask-psycho-dragon @eccentric-impulses @captainboomerangsunicorn @starbabyultra @ccold-as-icegrrrrr-argh @ms-betsy-fangirl@nerdyalienhybrid1987 @nina-winchester4life @le-roman-rose@jamyyboii @myfuturisticallysteadycollector @funny-little-fangirltiffanypooh@gravity-9-8

Permanent Taglist: *Open*

@leni-lion-luke-larb-logic

@boysoflapush

@superwholockian5ever

@not-reptilian

@pbandj14

@redstarstan

@winter–cearig

@red-writer13

@mundane-cup-noodles

@98-future-is-cake-00

@sebastian-stan-is-daddy

#mcu #marvel #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #avengers #winter solider #avenger x reader #sebastian stan #infinity war #marvel imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine

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