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schrodingerscougar · 2 months

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Warning: afab!reader. i felt like writing a sad drabble(ish) thing.

Simon keeps a comfortable distance at first. He knows you’re interested in him, he knows he was the one who asked you out on a date, but despite all this, he just can’t get himself to let you close. So he keeps the dates simple, like going to watch a movie or having lunch at a fast food restaurant, maybe–and that’s a rare occasion–watching something with you at home.

You try to make a move on him, you want to go beyond occasional reserved kisses, but he acts like he didn’t pick up on the signs. But he does; he knows perfectly well what you want from him, but he’s not ready to give it to you yet. That would make your relationship serious and he’s not planning to let that happen.

Deep down he knows it’s a problem he’d have to face eventually. So three months into your strange relationship he visits the psychologist the military always sends him to and asks for the specialist’s opinion. Is it because of his job? Is it because of his family? Is he just afraid he would lose you too? He doesn’t get the answer he’s looking for, so he goes home and tries to come up with a solution himself.

The next time he goes on a mission, things go south pretty fast. He gets a bullet in his side and a cracked rib, so he has to stay in the hospital for a few days. On day two he begins to wonder if he should call you. He doesn’t think it’s any of your business, but you’re his girlfriend, maybe he should tell you about this. The next day he gets ready to call you, but he just can’t get himself to push the call button. It’s only on day four that he starts a video call.

You're worried, he can see that. You try not to show it, but even through the small screen of a phone he can see the physical signs. He's good at reading people and you're an open book to him. It kind of warmed his heart to know you cared about him so much, but at the same time it was scaring the hell out of him.

How could he end this relationship before you drowned in it? How could he break up with you carefully, making sure you don't get hurt?

When he returns home, he's ready for the big conversation. He would make it quick, straight to the point, and he would assure you it's not you, it's him. Because he’s the problem. He's the one who can't deal with commitment.

“We need to talk, love,” he begins, immediately regretting adding the pet name. But it comes so naturally when he looks at you that he can't do anything to stop himself.

He watches as you let out a sigh and sit on the couch, patting the empty space next to you. But he refuses because he knows he might change his mind the moment he smells your favorite perfume you picked just for him, and he also knows he would confess his undying love for you if he looked into your eyes from up close.

Over an hour later he’s already home, the sight of tears running down your face filling his mind as he lies on the couch. He wishes he didn't have to do this. He wishes he was strong enough to stick around, to be the man you always wanted him to be.

But he's not a good person. He had to break your heart to protect you from the harm his fucked up life could bring to you. He had to leave before he caused permanent damage.

Little did he know you were pregnant with his child. If he had known…

(part 2)

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost x reader #ghost #modern warfare #mw2 #mw3 #call of duty

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jam-n-jay · 3 months

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Because of the whole ~situation~ I've been seeing a large uptick in transfem support/positivity posts and don't get me wrong I appreciate it but I think it needs to be said

If you actually want to support trans women YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO THEM.

The harassment, violence, and censorship we face is constant, it is not relegated to isolated incidents extreme enough to be broadcast to the wider public. Every time something drastic like this happens people will show up, offer their support and condolences, but in the intermediary just go back to perpetuating the very transmisogyny that led to this in the first place. That's why the events of today have been utterly unsurprising for any trans woman who's been even the teensiest bit plugged into the general 'discourse' that just so happens to follow us wherever we go. Again I feel the need to repeat:

THIS IS NOT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT

This is the result of a pattern of persecution that is not limited to just outright transphobes and TERFs. It is one that YOU, YES YOU, are capable of perpetuating. In all likelihood, you HAVE spread or contributed to it in some form or another. So LISTEN TO TRANS WOMEN. Vet call-out posts targeting us, be wary of spontaneous hate mobs against us. Acknowledge the reality of transmisogyny and don't be afraid to face your own culpability in it. TME people, stop getting irrationally upset at TMA/TME terminology. It is meant to be used specifically in the context of discussions around transmisogyny. It's not the axis around which all trans-ness rotates, there are grey areas, and it doesn't function well as a general label like trans man/trans woman or AMAB/AFAB because that was never meant to be it's purpose in the first place. It's a tool to assist in the discussion of a prejudice nothing more.

Do not just listen to transfems when our voices are at their loudest. Even when things seem quieter you have to KEEP LISTENING. If you can't do that, all your current words of support and solidarity will mean jack shit in the long run, and that's when it matters most.

#transmisogyny #transphobia #trans women #transfeminism #transfem #trans #tumblr moderation #predestrogen

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magicalink · 8 months

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Do they fuck or do they make love?

Headcanons with no specific AU! Mainly character x reader but it ended up implying character x character ships too in sime characters. I wrote this headcanons and when I was reading them to my boyfriend (who is my only beta reader) he started giving his opinions about them and I found his comments absolutely hilarious so I decided to include them! 🤣 First go my headcanons about the character and then my boyfriend's comments indented. Some of them are unhinged 🤣

Venti: Depends on the partner and the situation. He adores making delicate love to you but he's always up for a quickie in the middle of the house, the forest, anywhere and anytime you're willing. And oh Archons, is he intense when he does any of the two! He likes sex to be THE experience, and he tends to be over the top when it comes to it. Also an uncontrollable moaning machine.

Bf: Nah, he fucks. All the time. Cuz he is drunk all the time. We all know his only love is alcohol. I agree on the moaning machine part though, he is loud and doesn't care if others hear.

Diluc: Makes love. He has no time for sex if it's not with the love of his life. Doing it with him is a ceremony to remember. Expect long sessions full of kisses, heartwarming confessions, and body worshipping.

Bf: Accurate. Total gentleman. He only makes love. And possibly the first time you do it he will propose to you the morning after.

Childe: Fucks. He is all in for the adrenaline and pleasure in life, whether it's battle or it's lust. He wants to dive in and feel as much as he can,the more intense and dangerous, the better.

Bf: A fucking degenerate. He loves violence and competition and if he doesn't get it in sex then he's not interested. More of a masochist than a sadist, don't be surprised if you fight him and he ends up insinuating sexually to you. Especially if you're winning the fight. He wants to get beaten up. To sum up, he has a very weird way of "making love"...

Xiao: Makes love. To him, it's something sacred that should be shared with the people you love and respect the most. Will worship every inch of your body and be desperate to convey his feelings to you. Will focus completely on your pleasure, so make sure to calm him down and reward him a bit too!

Bf: Turbo virgin who self cock blocks all the time. He is always afraid: of hurting you, of making you uncomfortable, of saying something wrong, of looking at the wrong place...If you moan he asks you if you're okay. He gets soft all the time because he is afraid of hurting you. He has suicidal thoughts half the encounter. But yeah he makes love.

Albedo: Who knows, really. He's still studying what's the difference between the two. And he sure is doing an experiment and carefully studying it when he has sex with you. To be perfectly clear, he loves you, but this whole thing about sex and human relationships is new to him so he's trying to understand all these new feelings.

Bf: "Making love? Fucking? What is that? I'm the chalkman." Doesnt have a dick and if he had, he is not interested in human relationships at all. But if you manage to fuck him he would be writing down notes about it the whole time.

Scaramouche: Fucks because he thinks giving in to love will make him weak.💔

Bf: Fucks and he only thinks about his mommy issues while doing it. He only fucks to dissociate. And if you treat him with basic human kindness he will start seeing you as a maternal figure so be careful.

Wanderer: Now understands that lying about his feelings is the true form of weakness and doesn't want to waste a single more second of life, he makes love to you making sure he makes crystal clear how he feels about you: in the most explicit, toe-curling, fluid dropping way he can. If you like it hard, prepare to be smacked until you can't sit the following day.

Bf: He's gone to therapy so the mommy issues are better but he's still annoying af. He plays hard to get and pretends not to be committed but the truth is he's just being tsundere and hiding the fact that he is eating from the palm of your hand.

Kazuha: Makes the finest comfiest love in the world. Fucks like a horndog when he's drunk or high but won't stop telling you how crazily he loves you while doing it.

Bf: He is high af the vast majority of the time and during sex, it's no exception. If you manage to fuck him sober he will be the super reflexive and emotional type that cries during sex. But he fucks you lovely but won't make love to you, he only makes love with the love of his life Tomo, the rest of you are his cattle. He's a super friendly guy so after sex he will share his weed with you.

Gorou: He's a gentleman who wants to become good at making love but is extremely shy and gets flustered easily so he fucks sloppily. An adorable sight to behold!

Bf: I agree he is a little gentleman.

Tighnari: Makes love. Except when he's in heat. Then you have to be prepared if you wanna handle him.

Bf: another stoner. He would experiments with aphrodisiacs all the time, makimg them into weird salts or sth.

Cyno: Very similar to his jokes. He's completely sure he's giving his best at making love to you or Tighnari and showing you his devotion, but his poker face, stoic manners, and scary appearance make him look like he's angry fucking you. He doesn't get what he's doing wrong and doesn't do it on purpose. But it doesn't matter since you know him very well and not only are you used to his antics but you also have become sensitive to his very subtle changes of expression.

Bf: He can't help bit to tell bad jokes when he fucks. Self cockblocks himself all the time: either he goes soft in the middle of the act because he's laughing at his own jokes or he makes so cringy jokes that his partner gets uncomfortable and leaves. He can't help it, if he doesn't get them our he will explode.

Itto: Fucks wildly but it's his way of making love. He is just too brute to control the size and strength of his body, especially when he is under the effect of the feral feelings he has for you.

He loves you so much he can't help but to pick you up like you're a potato sack and swirl you in the air like you are a rag doll and take you with him everywhere. When he hugs you he leaves you breathless, when he kisses you he leaves you all sloppy and when he fucks you…well he leaves you sore for weeks but let's say it's totally worth it!

Bf: totally disagree! It would be so hard to fuck him, he would be clueless and friend zone or family zone you all the time. If you tell him you wanna be more than friends he would say "Superfriends??" With the biggest smile. And if you manage to fuck him he would be super careful, he knows he is a brute and is scared of hurting you.

Thoma: Makes super lovey-dovey love. Always double-checks if you're comfortable and enjoying the experience. Knowing he's making you feel good makes him glad and arouses him so don't be shy and tell him if he's doing it well!

Bf: nononono, absolutely wrong, you're blinded by his looks. He is a degenerate masochist and he only fucks Ayato. They have this weird dynamic where he literally acts as his dog.

Ayato: Another one who depends on the partner and situation. Honestly, he's so overworked that he desperately needs a good fuck. Ok maybe many of them. But not only he doesn't have the time, but also he can't be seen sleeping around due to his political position, so probably he'll only get to have sex when he finally finds the person he wants to marry. He hopes to be able to marry someone he actually loves instead of marrying for political reasons. So if you're the lucky one, expect heated sessions of lovemaking from this touch-starved man! Also, he'll love you but that doesn't mean he's gonna stop being a merciless tease 👀

Bf: Degenerate sadist who only has eyes for Thoma and makes him go through so much weird stuff they don't even remember what is to have normal sex. Tying him up and putting him on a leash is the most normal thing out of what they do.

Kaeya: Fucks. He lives for the spectacle and the mystique of it. Also, he's super popular around Mondstadt and wherever he goes so he sleeps around a lot. He has tons of admirers from both sexes and he makes sure to reward their love and devotion. He knows exactly how to please people, how to exacerbate his natural beauty and how to leave them crazy for him. He's simply so erotically natured. Probably the most experienced guy you know in the field.

Bf: Agree. Turbo slut. No more comments needed. If he manages to open his heart he can be sensitive. But that only happened once and it was with his own reflection in a mirror.

Heizou: Fucks lovingly 💕 He loves teasing and making his partner flustered. People and relationships are simply so fun and fascinating to him. And when he gets to be sexually intimate with someone it's even better! If you end up involved with him, be prepared to be taken to your limits.

Bf: Another degenerate. Probably makes you pretend you're a criminal to chase you around town. Pretty sadistic and I can imagine him having yandere tendencies. A cool guy though. When he is not horny.

Al Haitam: Zero interested in the matter. Until he met you. He is learning everything from scratch and even though he's always been a fast learner in everything, this subject is particularly hard since he needs to stop rationalizing and let his feelings take control for once. But his feelings for you are pretty intense, so little by little he is learning how to make love to you 💚

Bf: I imagine him as a turbo aspirator 3000. He would suck your soul out of your genitals. If you manage him to make him interested in sex, which is highly unlikely because he is like 0 interested in any kind of human contact. I picture him having sex with Kaveh and Kaveh would be a pillow princess and Haitham despite being the kind of guy who always sits down and just reads books he would be restless in bed, doing all the job and moving him around.

Kaveh: Another sweet-sweet love guy! He'll make sure to treat you like a princess and spoil you rotten in and out of the bedroom. He'll do the corniest expressions of chivalry but please bear with him, it genuinely comes from his heart. But if you want to see a more sloppy and wrecked side of him, you can always seduce him after he goes to the bar…

Bf: Sassy pillow princess. Or prince? Idk how to say it. He doesn't do anything but he will be all the time criticizing or praising what you do like a talent show judge. "Come on? Is it the first time you suck a cock or what?" You can imagine this kind of behavior is what infuriates Al Haitham and motivates him to go feral and fuck him around the whole house until he shuts the fuck up.

BONUS: This is an old draft but now that Neuvillete and Wriostheley are out, we couldn't let them out! So for this, we are interchanging roles, my bf will give you his headcanons and I will comment!

Bf: I'm 100% sure both Neuvie and Wriot are completely opposite in bed from their personalities in public. Our chivalrous and calm Neuvie is a pasional beast in bed. He is unsatiable, he is a dragon after all. Gives me the same vibes as Zhong Li who acts super calm but when fucking Childe he destroys 3 hotel rooms every night (exactly the type Childe loves. He got a crush on him when he struck him down at Fontaine's court. I'm sure Zhong Li will get jealous when he finds out and we will have some dragon drama going on) Back to Neuvie, he is super feral but he doesn't fuck, he makes love. It's his draconic way of making love. He is also very emotional and if he likes you, after having sex and having calmed down, he will open his wallet and start showing you the pictures of his 300 Melusine daughters and tell you their names and each of their jobs. He is a very proud dad.

Wriothesley loves you from a distance. While you fuck he is super sweet and loving, but during everyday life, he sucks at showing his feelings. He reminds me of the dad of Komi San, super silent but full of love. He communicates through glances (like a dog). Everyone thinks he is a bad boy but he's a super sentimental guy (won't admit it though) If you give him a gift he will treasure it forever and if someone breaks it or steals it from him he will beat them up.

One of his phrases would be "If something happens to my schmoochpsiepups I will kill everyone in Teyvat and then myself," and when he messes up with you for being unable to show his emotions he goes to a karaoke and sings "Baka Mitai" all depressed. He has 0 emotional intelligence and would go there often, crying "Oh, I wanted to tell Y/N how much I love them before they went away and I just groaned 'hmmm' AGAIN 😭😭".

YET ANOTHER BONUS: If Neuvillete and Wriothesley were in a romantic relationship, I'm sure Neuvie would tell him about all of his Melusine daughters. Wriot would act all cold and as if he didn't care but in fact he remembers all their names and thinks about them as his adoptive daughters. Don't be surprised if you walk down the street and see a Melusine falling down and he rescues her and goes to buy her an ice cream cone. He is a proud dad too.

Me: I have no comments. I agree with everything. And Wriot singing Baka Mitai would be amazing, he has the voice of Jotaro and Erwin after all.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Wow this post was longer than intended. AND ONLY NOW I realize we left Lyney and Zhong Li out. I guess bc to me Lyney is kinda teen coded? I feel like they wasted so much husband material making him look so young. I've seen the fandom drawing him as an adult and he looks so hansome. And both my bf and I rambled about Zhong Li but we forgot to include an entry for him 😂 He says it's ok because he's tied to Tartaglia and we spoke about him in Tartaglia's section 😂 God we are a disaster. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the post, whether you found the headcanons hot or my bf's comments funny. He is scared of getting cancelled though 😂

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deadliestgalaxy · 1 year

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SPOILERS FOR GOTG VOL. 3 - DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET!

I have a feeling that everyone (who calls themselves fans) that didn't get the meaning of the ending in GOTG Vol. 3 has never read a single comic of them or is only a fan of some characters/relationships. Many complaints I've seen are about the end and Gamora and Peter’s romance, which sounds kind of childish. You don't need to agree with me, but I’d like to elaborate on that.

James Gunn's writing is always about the detail of things and he is not afraid to do something “bad” if it is the best for the STORYTELLING. This is what most of these people don't get: the most important part of these movies is the story they are telling. The characters help the movie tell the story, it's their story after all — but there's no protagonist or greater good that puts them above the narrative.

(This is different from Gamora’s death in IW btw. It was not the only way they had to make the story flow; they just wanted to “humanize” Thanos and by that, they chose to kill her character. It was an action ADDED not CRUCIAL to the story.)

Vol. 3 is about found-family and growing up; finishing cycles. They will always be family, as we will always be part of their story (that’s why we understand Groot now). However, life chapters end just like in real books, and these Guardians as a TEAM “chapter” has ended for them and for us.

This is very common in the comics. Most times they are all separated, doing solo missions, until something goes wrong and they reunite again. They never stop being friends, why would it be different in the movie universe?

But the end suggests they are not family anymore.

Did we see the same film? No, it doesn't. We can see that in James’ subtle writing: the way they all still respect each other, their understanding of one another, and how they all would die for themselves if needed. That won't change just because they are not physically together — just like when you finish school you won't ignore your best friends, even if you create new relationships (which you will).

But Gamora is not part of the family anymore.

Well, if you see it this way, I can't change your mind. What I can say is that the story IMPLIES that she still is, in fact. And the number one clue is that she (in 2 days) understands Groot. Remember, we also understand him because the fans are now part of the Guardians family — so understanding him and being family are correlated.

Anyhow, I know this is not enough for most people, so hear me out: Gamora’s arc is about respect and healing. She starts the movie skeptical about working with the guardians — she just wants the money— when in reality, she acts like this because she is AFRAID and feels PRESSURED to be around her “old” family.

Imagine: you died but then another version of you comes back without knowing anything of your present life. People will expect you to act in a certain way that maybe you started to act after you met them; they will expect you to like certain things you don't know of; people will EXPECT you to attend to their needs. It is a lot to swallow at once. You are afraid because you don't know them, you don't think you deserve all this love and commitment out of nowhere. So you run away. You run away to find things on your own, to grow out of this pressure you feel and discover the whole universe of possibilities you have ahead.

That's what Gamora did. But then, the mission went south and now she is stuck with her “old” team. The film shows us her character exploring the ship, listening to music... trying to understand them. At one point she even says to Rocket “You must be a very loyal pet for them to do all this for you” (or something similar). This is her way of putting into words how she visualizes the current scenario she was put in. Slowly she recognizes that they are a family, and by the way they act she finally gets how and why she also must have loved them in the past.

She goes from “I don't give a fuck”, not open to them, afraid and pressured to “I bet we were fun”, understanding and respecting them, even fighting for their family to survive.

(If she still didn't give a fuck she wouldn't have fought for them and with them when she could have just run away again.)

But she has already created new relations, so she goes back to those for now. It is what she is familiar with in this timeline. Does that mean she will never contact the guardians ever again? NO. Remember: James’s writing is about DETAILS, nuance. She is open to them again, and the final part of the movie shows this to us, especially her last interaction with Groot, Peter, and Nebula being friendly.

Oh, but Peter and Gamora will never be a couple again, their romance ended when she went back to the Ravengers.

… Again, if you see it this way I can’t change your mind. What I can confirm is that she doesn’t close herself to the team — especially to Peter — in the end.

When she says “I bet we were fun” it's the first time she acknowledges their former relationship without distancing herself from it. She could've said “I bet you were fun” or “I bet she was fun”, but instead she prefers to include herself with “we”. She pauses before letting go of Nowhere, stopping before entering her ship — what moves her forward is Nebula, who can see her sister’s changed attitude but still encourages her to take a step forward and go explore the galaxy, because she knows Gamora is not mature and ready yet for those feelings; just like she wasn't ready to be openly sentimental when Gamora joined the Guardians back in 2014.

And Peter is also not ready. Just like Gamora needs to find herself again and discover who she is, Peter needs too. He is lost without her after IW, we can see it during Holiday Special and in the beginning of Vol. 3 when he passes out because of alcohol abuse. Both don't know who they are in this new reality — and they will only find out with time. Time heals and reveals.

In the end, Peter doesn't have the same thought as in the begging: he doesn't want her to be who he once knew, he wants her as she is, this new version whom he still loves so much and wants to know more of. Although he wishes she could stay, he knows that she has her own time and while she learns about herself he will go do the same.

So yes, they’re not explicitly together as a couple in the final scene — neither they kiss nor make out, whatever you believe a relationship is made of — but they’ve changed and are open to one another. The last scene does not appear to me as an “I’ll never see you again”, but as a “Goodbye, see you soon”.

(Aside from all the small bits we had through the movie of a developing relationship between them; my favorite one being when Peter activates the auto-destruction code and Gamora smiles at him.)

Besides, you can't force anyone to fall in love in 48 hours!!

Yes, I also have some minor complaints about the story, but I can recognize that — with all the turbulence the characters and the production faced in the last few years — it was a satisfying end with a limited amount of time to a badass trilogy. The end is definitive but also open to future possibilities for all our favorite characters in their universe — some we might never see and it will only be to our imagination.

Again, you don't need to agree with me, but I had to do this, or else I would implode with thoughts. Thank you if read up here! My ask box is open if you want to talk more <3

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mazeinthemiroh · 7 months

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something more.

Genre: Drabble; Fluff, Slight angst, Friends to lovers/Situationship?

Warnings: cursing, reader has major commitment issues

Synopsis: You are afraid of overstepping the lines from friends to lovers. But San? San isn't afraid of something more...

"Don't you wish for something else?"

You looked up from your phone. You and San both were sitting on either end of the sofa, far apart, and yet your feet were resting atop each other's quite naturally. "Hmm?"

"Don't you wish," San hesitated, his eyes glued to his own device as he racked his brains to formulate a sentence. "Don't you wish for something more?"

A small smile played on his lips. You knew what he meant; knew what he was asking. He was cheeky like this; always making suggestions about 'what ifs' and 'maybes' that you eventually shut down. As you would do again, this night.

"No," you said, after thinking for a bit. "This is nice... is it not?"

"Yeah," San replied immediately, his voice ever so soft, "Yes this is nice."

Friendship was a tricky thing. Or, it was for you two, at least. It would be easy if you were both on the same page. But you never were. It's not like there were any major miscommunications between the two of you. It was just... you both had a mutual yearning to be together, forever.

San is more of a romantic than you ever were. But you had made your boundaries: friends only. That's it.

But you felt you were thoroughly deceiving yourself. When you look at San, the one you call your best friend, your cheeks start to burn. Your heart starts to quicken. There's a light in your eyes when you hear his name; a smile on your lips when you hear his voice. Perhaps these weren't just feelings of friendship after all?

And it didn't help that San kept questioning the bond you shared with each other. He felt a massive attraction and he hoped, he prayed, that he wasn't the only one to feel it. And he could feel, just by the way you looked at him, your feelings matched his, whether you spoke them or not. He wasn't going to give up.

Stubborn bastard...

You gazed over at him from across the sofa. "Just lay off it, okay?"

San tutted and shook his head, "You know I can't do that."

"Why?" You felt a spark of defiance ripple inside you as you dropped your phone on the pillow that rested on top of your lap.

For a moment San looked pained. And then he smiled softly and shrugged, "I just can't."

"That's not good enough," you said harshly, but he just smiled. You weren't going to push him away, even if you tried.

"I know," he started, breathing out a gentle sigh before shuffling closer to you. He reached out to hold your hand in his, but you flinched as he did so.

He rubbed his thumb on your palm to calm you.

"I know you think that we might ruin something special," San's fingers started to fiddle with yours, "but I don't think you should let that get in the way when it's us. You and me. There's nothing you can say or do that will make me stop loving you."

You didn't look San in the eye because you felt tears start to form, touched by his words.

"Crossing the line between friends to... more..." your hands were stiff in his, even as he tried to relax you, "it's risky. Friendship is safe. Friendship is light. Relationships... they're serious and complicated."

"Yes," San nodded, "they're messy and unpredictable and fiery sometimes. But have we not been through stuff like that as friends already?"

You didn't respond to him, but your hand relaxed in his. You let his fingers trail over your skin, soothing you in the tenderest of ways.

With his other hand, he cupped the side of your face, lifting your chin up to meet his gaze. There was so, so, so much love shining in his eyes. Love that he couldn't possibly think to put into words because, well, the feelings were just too pure.

You looked at each other like this, until he leaned forward to place a kiss on your forehead. What felt like a big hole in your heart had suddenly healed. He stayed there, like that, lips connected to your forehead, before he pulled you into an embrace, resting his chin on top of your head as your face nestled into the crook of his neck.

And you breathed. And you relaxed, fully in his grasp.

And you realised that he was the first man you had ever felt safe with.

ateez taglist: @a-wandering-stay, @xlovehwa, @yeosangsbiceps, @anyamaris, @acciocriativity, @hawaiian-angel, @toolovelyforyou (let me know if you want to be added/removed)

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iovetecchou · 6 months

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That Funny Feeling ⧸ Dazai Osamu

༞ Contains...! !TW! this fic contains heavy topics such as: suicide, depression, anxiety, and self-deprecating thoughts. hurt/comfort type beat, hugging, gentle touches, hand holding, swearing, suggestive implications but NOTHING actually happened! kunikida is just silly, dazai really is a sweetheart in this ):

༞ GN Reader.

༞ 2,494 words.

a/n: if you have struggled with your own mental health past or present, just know that you are not alone. i love you and am so proud of you for still being here and pushing through each day, no matter how difficult that can be. never be afraid to rely on someone close to you when things become too much to bear, you are worthy of living and deserve to be loved.

Some people just aren't cut out for life. We are all dealt a hand, some cards interchangeable. But for the most part, they mold us; and make us who we are. They map out the rest of our lives. So what are you supposed to do when all the cards you've been handed don't play in your favor?

Even the interchangeable cards; you discard them only to pick up more rotten ones. Your judgment is poor, and your decision-making only gets you stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You envy the people who were gifted better cards. People who were not condemned from the start. Those are the people who make something out of their lives, the ones who are deserving of taking up space.

You know this sounds self-deprecating, and yeah, it is. But to you, it's also logic. You think that's why you dislike Dazai Osamu.

When he talks so freely about death, his desire for a perfect suicide. It makes your stomach turn, not for obvious reasons, but for selfish ones. He plays off his pain as a joke so no one thinks twice about it when he asks a pretty stranger to "commit a double suicide" with him.

You try so hard to conceal your suicidal thoughts, hiding your depression behind a pretty mask. Showing up to work each day with a smile on your face and a "can do!" attitude.

You and Dazai really are the same in that aspect, masking your pain so it's less noticeable to others around you.

Your abdomen twists into knots when he talks so freely about suicide because it causes your mind to wander and your mask to slip. Dazai always seems to pick up on that slight change in you when it happens, too. His chestnut eyes bore holes into your profile from where he sits beside you. You can feel his eyes on you as you try to smile brighter, putting on a chipper face as Kenji updates you on how the cows on his farm are doing.

You hate it. It feels like he's reading your mind; retaining all your deepest darkest secrets. Does your face really give you away so easily? No... It can't be that. You've been working at the Detective Agency for a long while now, and since then, no one else has ever assumed something was wrong with you.

If they only knew how pitiful your life really was. As much as you love all your colleagues at the Agency, you hate working. Waking up is exhausting, and you dread the repetitive daily routines you're forced to accomplish. On your off days, you sit at home alone- by choice. Interacting with others is draining, and when you're urged to participate in social activities, the anticipation and anxiety eat away at you until the day finally comes.

Much like today, the day you've been letting eat away at you since the mention of a work party was brought to your attention. You practiced different smiles and laughs in the mirror, shaking your head and trying again when your "act" seemed too unnatural. You probably changed your outfit ten times before ultimately deciding on the same old thing you usually wore.

Your hands were coated in perspiration as you balled your fingers, making a fist. You took in a shaky breath as you brought yourself to finally knock on Chief Fukuzawa's door. He welcomed you with a tight-lipped smile and a nod of his head, stepping aside to let you through. Immediately, you felt his eyes on you. Dazai watched your little performance as you greeted everyone, and when it was finally his turn to watch your act up close and personal- you froze.

His eyes were too intimidating. You felt exposed in front of him. It irked you that he had such an effect on you. Why was it so easy to pretend with everyone else but him?

"Aww, where's my greeting?" Dazai smirked devilishly at you, raising his eyebrows slightly as he leaned in close. All-encompassing, invading your personal space.

You remained quiet. You were on the outside looking in, screaming to yourself to say something- anything. Your gaze shifted to the floor as your hands came up to bunch up the hem of your shirt, rolling it between your fingers; an attempt to self-soothe.

"I..."

"Oi! Stop teasing them, Dazai," Yosano shouted from the kitchen, plum-colored eyes still fixated on the fizzy concoction she began making for herself.

The sound of Yosano's strong voice ripped you from your stupor. Your head shot up, only to notice Dazai was still gazing at you- studying you.

"I would do no such thing! I'm hurt that you think so low of me, Yosano!" Dazai's intense gaze finally eased up on you as he whipped his head around to face Yosano. The tall brunette man clutched a hand over his heart in feigned affliction.

You took that as your opening to slip away, excusing yourself to the restroom. You hardly noticed the way Dazai's attention was drawn back to you at the sound of your hurried footsteps. "Hey- wait up!"

You quickly pulled the bathroom door shut behind you. You could hardly look at yourself in the mirror, too ashamed of yourself for freezing up back there. The cool tile floor welcomed you as you sunk, curling into yourself. You hugged your knees as they drew closely into your chest. You could feel your rapid heartbeat in your throat, anxiety rising by the second.

"You know, I wouldn't be sitting on the floor if I were you. Let's get you up." Nothing registered until you felt firm hands grasp your biceps. A strong force drawing you up to rely upon your shaky legs.

"Why- what are you..?" Your sentence fell off. You weren't entirely sure what you were trying to ask. Your mind was too convoluted with disappointment; shame for yourself.

"The door was unlocked so I figured I'd let myself in! You weren't looking too hot out there, and I wanted to check up on you." Dazai's warm hands still cradled your biceps, untrusting the support your trembling legs half-heartedly gave you in your current state.

"I'm fine," You chuckled out of nervousness before continuing, "I'll be out in a minute, so you can just go." You could tell by how Dazai looked at you that he didn't buy your lie, not even for a second.

He let out a deep sigh, large palms moving up to your shoulders before he blurted out, "Stop, just- just stop. You're not fooling me, so quit it with the peachy-keen act. Why do you insist on hiding behind a facade?"

"Why do you?!" You shouted back. You brought your hands up to swat his hands off your shoulders. The shift between distress and rage made your legs feel more grounded.

Dazai gaped at you for a moment. He genuinely looked taken aback before his face shifted into a tepid expression. He let his arms settle against his sides, his demeanor appearing more taut than usual.

"This isn't about me. Stop deflecting." His voice was eerily calm, making you feel unsettled. Seeing a more serious side to Dazai was far and few between for you.

"But it is! I hate you... I hate you so much. You- you..." Your vision began to blur as tears spilled past your lashline and down your sullen cheeks. How embarrassing, you thought. Crying in front of the man that made your stomach turn.

Dazai brought his hand up to your cheek, brushing away the onslaught of tears with the pad of his thumb. "I believe that hatred is displaced. You just don't want to acknowledge that."

Your eyebrows scrunched up in confusion as you drew your hand to grasp his wrist. You tugged with all your might to pull him from your cheek, but no give. Dazai stubbornly kept his large palm on your face. The warmth from his hand seared your skin. It was neither comforting nor unpleasant. Just... unfamiliar.

"You're wrong, I hate you-"

"No, you hate that you see yourself in me."

Your hand fell from his wrist. He was right, and deep down, you knew that. But you refused to admit it. It was shameful. You liked to hate Dazai because it took attention away from the real problem at hand, yourself.

Dazai let out a sigh as he continued to wipe away your tears. "Tell me to stop if you hate it, but I'm going to hug you now." Before you could process, Dazai embraced you. His hand that was caressing your face only moments ago now cradled your neck. His other arm wrapped around your frame, enveloping you.

"I understand your pain well... I can see myself in you too. But I don't despise you, you know. I actually... worry for you. You try so hard to pretend that everything is fine. It must be exhausting."

It felt like your heart was being squeezed, as if your ribcage was collapsing in on itself. His words shot right through you, as did the guilt. You had been so unfair toward Dazai up until now. Using your displaced disdain for him as a distraction because you were too much of a coward to hold yourself accountable.

It ached so much to come to terms with. Your arms felt heavy as you pulled them up to wrap around Dazai's lanky frame. You quietly sobbed into his chest, grasping your hands into the back of his shirt desperately; as a small child would cling to their mother.

Dazai hummed softly into your hair, welcoming the silence with open arms; as he did you. You were sure all your colleagues were wondering why Dazai and yourself had been in the restroom for so long, but you hardly cared at this very moment.

For the first time, in a long time, you felt seen. Like you didn't need to hide when Dazai was in your presence... because even if you did- he would know. Being vulnerable felt similar to what you imagined walking a tightrope hung across two tall skyscrapers entailed. So, to say you were apprehensive about this was an understatement.

However, in the same breath, it felt freeing. It took a little bit of weight off your shoulders to share your burdens with another person. But never in a million years did you think the person who brought you solace would end up being Dazai Osamu.

"I'm sorry, Dazai- I'm so fucking sorry. I-"

"It's okay. Believe me, I treated people a lot worse than this from my own displaced hatred," Dazai interrupted. Caressing your hair softly, hyperaware of the wet feeling seeping through his shirt and smearing over his skin from your tears before he continued,

"Just... just promise me you'll talk to me if it ever becomes too unbearable to handle on your own. I know how it sounds coming from me, I'm a hypocrite- huh? But trust me when I tell you… you are deserving of this thing we call living. Even if you can't see it yourself, I can... and I will remind you of that fact until I'm blue in the face if I have to."

You pulled back from Dazai's chest as you sniffled, eyes scanning his stoic face. He smiled at you softly, rubbing up and down the sides of your arms in a comforting way. "There you are. I was beginning to think you cried your face off!" You chuckled at his dumb quip, letting your fingers untangle from the cloth adorning Dazai's back.

"Well, this is embarrassing... and I'm sure at this point all the others think were up to no good in here." It was Dazai's turn to laugh as his hands drifted lower, grasping yours softly. Your fingers intertwined as a lopsided grin painted your face.

"So let 'em! Who cares? The only thing that matters is that your heart is beating and you're here. Still standing in front of me." Your smile dropped slightly, the urge to cry bubbling back up, making your throat tighten.

"Dazai," You tightly squeezed his hands within your grasp. Scared that if you loosened your grip for even a second, this moment would be gone before you could say everything you needed to. "I'm really glad you're still here, too."

Dazai closed his eyes for a moment, his smile wavering. "There's so much pain in the world... sometimes it's hard not to notice it. I couldn't shut it out every time I felt your distress. That's why I kept a close eye on you all this time. I'm not just some creep with a staring problem,"

You both laughed at that sentiment before he continued, "I know with each day those painful thoughts are waiting for you. But it's not only that, there's also possibilities. Possibilities you can only discover as long as you're alive."

Your hands still clutched his with great force. His words caused you to cry once more as Dazai's eyes softened. He quietly cooed at you, whispering "don't cry," so gently, it was almost inaudible.

"Dazai... I hope you know the same can be said for you, and your life," You paused, trying to swallow that lump in your throat before you continued. "I... want to help you- help you live. I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but as long as you're still here I will do whatever I can to help you. I swear it."

Your tear-filled eyes bored into his chestnut ones. Desperately hoping your words got through to him. Dazai inhaled a shaky breath, eyebrows raising slightly. His lips curved into a tight-lipped smile before he let out a small chuckle. "You're really something else, you know that? Not even ten minutes ago you were shouting about how much you hate me. Now we're best buds... how cute!"

You knew he was deflecting, you guessed being vulnerable was just as daunting to him as it was for you. Before you could say anything more, the door flung open. Both Dazai and yourself whipped your heads in the direction of Kunikida shouting.

"Dazai! Just what do you think you're doing- wait a damn minute! What did you do to Y/N to make them cry?! Get away from them this instant you damn pervert!"

Kunikida gripped Dazai by the collar, dragging him out of the restroom. When your hands untangled from his, you felt uneasy. There was so much more you wanted to say, but it would just have to wait... for now.

You couldn't help but chuckle to yourself at the sound of Dazai shouting for you to help prove his innocence from presumably the living room. For the first time since you stepped into the bathroom, you looked at yourself. Taking in your disheveled state.

Ah, there it is again. That funny feeling.

don't accuse me of making this a self-insert, i will cry!

#dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai x reader #dazai x you #osamu dazai x reader #osamu dazai x you #dazai angst #dazai osamu angst #dazai osamu bsd #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x you

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dduane · 1 year

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An anonymized non-anon query

(A note: my ask box isn’t open to anons at the moment, because I started getting inappropriate messages that I didn’t care to see. Maybe I'll eventually go anon-open again. But the present situation isn’t going to stop me from answering asks where the person’s uneasy about having their username revealed. Like this one:)

[text:

Can't go on anon so this is a little mortifying to be Seen™ but;

Do you have any words for fandom girls who are no longer in their 20s and starting to construct people in their heads who shame them for "still being into this stuff"?]

First thing; funny how it's always fandom girls who come up against this, isn't it? If it was some 90-year-old fandom boy in question who'd been painting his face red and white and following Manchester United since he was nine, no one would turn a hair. In fact, everybody in that cohort of interest would be praising him for his commitment and loyalty. It's almost as if some people have bought into the idea that the rules are different for girls somehow! Something to do with the idea that where girls belong is home making everybody a sandwich. I wonder where that might have come from...

Anyway. What you're describing here is something a lot of us have run into: the pressure to (allow me briefly to stand the well-known trope on its head) Be Like All The Other Girls... and to be prepared (and indeed resigned) for that inevitably to happen IRL. This stuff starts sneaking into your head in a very innocuous way: by disguising itself as "being prepared" for what you're afraid might happen. And it's very hard to avoid having that concern slowly but surely turn into a dread of what's going to happen. (For there's a horrible seductiveness about self-fullfilling prophecy... even if you know you've built it yourself. Part of your mind, that frightened advanced-fight-or-flight part that's always trying to keep you safe by predicting all the possible futures, starts feeling satisfied with itself when it finally has the evidence to say, "Well, at least we were prepared for that!")

So it's best to be proactive about managing this, I think, before things start to get bothersome. Develop a quick switchblade-style defense that you can pull out of your brain's back pocket at short notice. And then, when you're used to using it on those rogue ideations, disarm the sneaky "attacker" more thoroughly by taking it apart, gradually, at the more straightforwardly analytical end.

Let's start with the switchblade: a good-old fashioned mantra. How about this:

"Nobody gets to gatekeep my joy."

This can be used as a silent affirmation any time you feel the need. Any time you start feeling that pressure—that annoying whisper from the conjectural voices in your head that want you to think about how maybe you are too old for this kind of thing—pull out the mantra and shiv them in the gut with it, three times. (Threes are always good for this. Think how many spells have to be done, or names spoken, in threes. The rhythm's an archetype all its own.)

What you'll notice, with repetition of this intervention over time, is that the incidence of this kind of thinking gradually gets rarer and rarer. It might take a while to go away completely... but you'll know what to do if it rears its head again.

But also: this response can when necessary be repeated right out loud in front of whatever sorry piece of breathing meat has the unutterable bald-faced gall to actually try to gatekeep you to your (digital or otherwise) face. Pull it out, set your features in an expression of amused calm (because what you do to your face makes differences in your brain), and hit 'em with it. And if they continue to try to argue the point with you, you get to just keep repeating your base-state mantra until they give up and go away.*

...Now, since good mantras normally run deeper than the mere words, it makes sense to inquire into an underlying issue:

Why do people do this to other people? (And I don't mean this as a rhetorical question with optional eyeroll: I mean it as a possible diagnostic.) There has to be a reason people pull this shit... as mandated by the favorite (different) mantra of psychiatric professionals everywhere: "All behavior is motivated."

One aspect of this to consider: the "you're too old to be into this stuff" response is usually a learned behavior. People for whom the perception of "insufficient" age or maturity is an issue have routinely picked it up from others. There are a number of reasons why they parrot it... the likeliest being that simply want to be seen saying the thing that lots of other people they know also say; so that by so doing, they can be seen as Smart. (This is of course just another a manifestation of our old generally-maladaptive friend, the so-called herd instinct.) And nine-tenths of those other people, I can guarantee you, got it in turn from others still. "They're too old for this" is rarely going to be a spontaneous insight. (Except when used pertinent to certain contact sports, and some types of opera.)

Yet why does the trope perpetuate itself so enthusiastically?

Leaving aside personal living-arrangement issues in individual cases, I think it's because in some people, underneath the expressed trope, there's a genuine fear... an insidious variation of the well-known impostor syndrome. And it's this:

They're afraid that whatever it is they've got at the moment, it's may well be the wrong kind of "this stuff"... not a real joy. (Some people will take this to mean, "The kind of stuff, or joy, other people will approve of." Cf. the "seeming Smart" thing.) And, as they get older, they may be becoming afraid they may never have it.

Now, people naturally try to protect themselves from experiencing their own fears whenever possible. This one's no different. So one way such folks find to distract themselves from the fear of having no joy is to devalue such joy in others. That way, whatever they see themselves as having their noses spitefully "rubbed in" can be perceived as no longer a real threat to them. They can start seeing it as a bad joy, a weak or silly or stupid joy. And (in this case specifically) an immature joy.

(With this in mind, the passage in which C.S. Lewis deals with this toxic fetishization of "maturity" is worth quoting in full, since we so frequently see only the last couple/few lines:)

“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

...And you hear there the voice of a man who'd dealt with a whole lot of critics in his time on this subject—some of them quite famous and elevated types, trying to discredit him for what we'd now think of as "clicks"—and had routinely made them ever so sorry they'd engaged. Also, Lewis was an enthusiastic reader of "the pulps" until his dying day, and you should have seen some of his responses to those who tried to tell him that "at his age, he should be over that science fiction stuff by now." I'd have to go digging for the cites, but... hooboy.

Anyway, and as a closer:

You're not required to—at someone else's mere behest—even think about changing your way of thinking and living in the (probably hopeless) hopes of pleasing or placating other people you've never met. And most specifically:

You are in no wise required by the Universe to curtail your personal experience of joy in order to try to make scared and small-souled people more comfortable.Your soul gets to be its own size, and have its own joy... in its very own shape, volume, and richness.

So if anyone pulls the "You're too old for [x]" crap on you, I encourage you to just let that attitude sail on by you and fuck straight out into the Oort Cloud and beyond. Let passing alien spacecraft on their way in-system gaze at it in wonder and say, "Wow, look at that go! Didn't think they had warp drive here yet."

...Anyway: let me know how you get on.

HTH!

*This is a basic assertiveness-training technique that I feel is much undervalued in daily usage. Every time someone comes up with a new reason you should stop doing what they don't like, and expects you to respond to that... what makes them think you're required to come up with a new and different reason not to? Who made that concept up? And why waste useful originality on someone arguing with you in the kind of bad faith that refuses to accept your answers? Just keep repeating yourself with the main reason until they give up (probably in great exasperation: too bad...) and bugger off elsewhere. :) ...But see the useful 1970s work When I Say No, I Feel Guilty for effective DIY approaches to this problem.

#advice #the retired psych nurse is IN -- 5¢#or indeed #€0.03

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narumi-gens · 10 months

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my type itadori yuuji x f!reader

note: I just really like that "brother you're a man amongst men" line of todo's and wanted to use it in a not so sad context so here we are. everyone is out here going wild over hidden inventory gojo and geto but I'm still riding the best boy train.

minors, ageless, and blank blogs dni

For all of Yuuji's strength, there's little he can do as Todo drags him along at his side, a massive arm wrapped around his "younger brother's" shoulders. He tries to drag his feet. He tries to fight back. He even throws an elbow to the man's gut.

With no other option left, he has to beg.

"P-please don't! Don't make me do this! I'll do anything! Please just stop!" As the two of them round the corner, the coffee shop that Todo is leading him toward comes into sight and panic seizes him. "Brother!"

This finally seems to strike something in Todo. He comes to a stop and faces Yuuji, dropping a hulking hand to each of his shoulders. He then looks down at him, a grave expression on his scarred face.

"Brother, you are a man amongst men." Yuuji can't remember ever having heard Todo sound as serious as he does now. "You cannot allow yourself to be overcome by such timidness!"

His grip on Yuuji's shoulders tightens and if it were anyone else being held, they would be wincing and begging to be released. Yuuji barely registers the pressure.

"Takada-chan says a real man doesn't hesitate to go after the things he wants!" he continues, his voice increasing in volume and the two of them begin to garner stares from the few passing onlookers. "Brother, do you love this woman?"

Yuuji's face feels like it's on fire.

"L-love?" he cries out, the embarrassment swirling in his stomach. "I don't love her! I don't even know her!"

It's the truth. He doesn't know you. He doesn't know your likes and dislikes. He doesn't know about your hobbies or your family. He doesn't know about your dreams and wants.

All he knows is that you work at a new coffee shop in the area that Kugisaki dragged him to. All he knows is that you're so incredibly kind. All he knows is that when you smile at him, his heart pounds so loudly in his chest that he's afraid you'll hear it. All he knows is that you now know his name and his order by heart because of how often he's been frequenting the coffee shop.

"If you want this woman then you cannot falter now! You must demonstrate your commitment to her with courage and heart!"

Before he can protest again, Todo's arm is once again tightly wrapped around his shoulders and he's pulled along into the coffee shop. He allows himself to feel the slightest relief at how empty it is. At least there won't be a large audience to witness his humiliation.

But any relief disappears as soon as he sees you at the counter. Where he would normally feel butterflies in his stomach at how your face lights up as you notice him, now all he can feel is dread. This is the last time you'll ever look at him without thinking of him as the weirdo who bothered you at work and thought he actually had a chance with you.

And he can't even savor it because Todo drags him to the counter and before you've even had a chance to greet either of them, he curls his hand into a fist and slams it onto the countertop. It cracks under the pressure and you can only look on in shock.

The sound catches the attention of the only other two customers as well as your coworker, who runs out from the back to see what's going on, only to freeze when they see Todo's intimidating shape.

"What kind of man is your type?" he asks you. The question shouted in your face, which is Todo's regular volume.

You blink at him dumbly, your mouth opening and closing as you struggle to move past your surprise.

"M-my type?" you repeat and although you stutter, there's no tremor in your voice and both Yuuji and Todo are impressed by your fortitude. You take a moment to look at Todo fully before your nose wrinkles slightly. "Sorry, I'm not interested. But I'm happy to take your order."

Todo laughs jovially and brings a hand to his chest.

"My heart already belongs to another," he tells you proudly and you give him a suspicious look, unsure why else he would be asking, before you shrug. You bring up a finger to your chin and look up at the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Well, if I had to say...I like strong guys who are nice, I guess?" you offer and Yuuji's breath catches in his throat, his eyes going wide.

You like strong guys? Yuuji is a strong guy.

You like nice guys? Yuuji is a nice guy.

"Um, also..." Your expression turns a little sheepish and you scratch the back of your head as you give them a slightly embarrassed smile. "I kind of like it when they're a little dumb."

Todo squeezes him tightly in victory and Yuuji wonders if this is what hope feels like.

#i like em dumb. what can i say 🤷‍♀️#itadori yuuji #itadori yuuji x reader #itadori fluff #yuuji fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fluff #mel writes #my type #best boy

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ecliphttlunar · 21 days

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Friends - Chris Sturniolo

Summary: Chris and you were friends for a long time, but they became more than that, unfortunately, you still weren't prepared for what would come with this new relationship

Warnings: angst

Author's notes: This is my work, I do not authorize any plagiarism, copying or “inspiration”. English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors, and this is my first story that I have the courage to post, so please be kind.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

You didn't know he was coming, no, of course not, there was no way you could have known, of course you knew him and knew there could be a chance he would come, you weren't stupid.

But if you were sure he was going to come, you would have dressed up more, put on another dress, one that showed off your curves the way he likes, maybe you would have done a little more with your makeup, and of course, you would have prepared yourself emotionally.

Because as soon as you saw him, on the other side, talking too close to that girl, you stopped walking, and you tensed up.

What the hell was he doing talking to that girl?

Your eyes were heavy now as you watched the scene intensify, and your breathing quickened.

You had to look away, or you would break, fall to the bottom of the abyss and shatter.

But of course, you couldn't, you watched as he ran his hands over her, the same way he ran his hands over you, and you watched as he kissed her, the same way he kissed you.

Chris wasn't an idiot, he knew he was a handsome man, and he knew that a lot of women were looking at him, but it wasn't the looks of many women that made him stop kissing that girl.

It was your look.

He distanced himself from the girl and his eyes automatically started looking for you, but when they found you, they regretted it.

You were fragile, as you stood still and watched him, he knew you had seen him with that girl, your posture and your gaze said so.

You turned around as soon as your eyes met, and now facing away from him, you took a deep breath, closed your eyes and started counting. Trying to calm down.

You had your eyes closed for a few seconds, minutes, or perhaps hours.

You don't know, you lost count.

But you knew one thing, you could stay with your back to him, without seeing him, for much longer, perhaps, years, centuries...

But of course fate had other plans.

You opened your eyes when something poked your shoulder, and looking back, there he was, Chris.

He had a confused look, a thousand types of questions ran through his head, but none came out of his mouth.

And as much as you wanted to be mad at him, call him names, hit him, you didn't have the right.

It was your fault and you knew it.

You both knew that not only were you friends, that shit didn't make sense, but you weren't together, you weren't committed.

You could be with whoever you wanted, and so could he, the problem was that you only wanted him, but him? He wanted them all.

He didn't do anything wrong.

He knew that.

Did you know that.

But that didn't stop the negative feeling that invaded his body, and dominated his heart and mind.

You were standing still, simply looking at each other. Without uttering a single word.

But each understood the other, he knew what you were feeling, and you knew that he knew.

Your lips parted, but no sound came out of them, you tried and tried and tried, until finally the words you were so afraid to say, rushed out of your mouth.

And they cut Chris like a sword.

"We have to finish, I don't know what we have, it doesn't matter, this is over."

He frowned, and was about to ask what you were talking about, but you were quicker.

"You know what I'm talking about, and you and I both know that I'm not ready for whatever we have, I'm not ready to share you with other girls, see you kiss them like you kissed me, and make them feel good like you do made me feel, I can't do it, I'm not ready."

You knew what was coming.

"Come on, we talked about this..." He started, but you interrupted him before he could convince you to backtrack, you know he could, he's had you walking in a circle this whole time, and if you didn't put a end of it, you would keep going in circles.

Always coming back to him.

"Chris, we keep going in circles and look what happened, we both know this story, and there are only 2 ending scenarios for it, a happy ending and a sad ending. The end of our story has arrived, and the scenario is the one of the heart broken, there is no 'but', we are slowing each other down."

"No, I don't want that, come on! Think before you act, one day I will find you in your laps, my mind is now confusion, we both know, that if you go, you will come back."

Your gaze softens at his words, and when you look at him, you smile slightly.

That seemed to give him a small spark of hope, because Chris's eyes lit up.

But before that flame could grow, you said no.

You rejected him, the same way he rejected you so many times.

And for the first time, you turn your back on him.

You turned your back, never to return.

You had already passed through the door, out of sight, but Chris was still looking at the door you left through.

He had lost you. And he felt something like longing fill him.

He had to lose you to appreciate it.

But now, you didn't want to be his anymore.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Author's Notes: part 2 is here

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ms-cartoon · 4 months

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Warning: This post will contain mentions of assault or anything along the lines of it. You get the idea.

My review for HH ep 2 was supposed to be out by now, but there are some things I have to say first. My reasoning for sticking around for Hazbin Hotel is all gone except for Vox right now. I love Husk too, but they really just kinda ruined him for me in ep 4. I'm probably being dramatic but that's just how I feel. If he's supposed to be this wise bartender who's meant to make people feel better and help reach an understanding of some sort, he really just failed at that.

EP 4 of Hazbin Hotel is probably the worst one out of all the eps released so far. There are PLENTY of flaws to point out, but they can be said for some other posts I'll upload soon. What I'm mainly concerned with as of now is that "Loser Baby" song sung by HuskerDust.

So it's revealed that Husk was once an overlord and was always gambling. He betted his status and powers when playing against Alastor and lost. Now I guess he's forced to do whatever Alastor wants such as being a bartender. . . .

Sorry to get off topic here but. . . . Husk was an overlord??? I don't like how they just suddenly reveal that. It caught me off guard. I know they sorta foreshadowed it in the pilot, but they should've given most newcomers to the show a hint or something. It honestly feels like the writers just pulled that revelation out their asses just to add some positivity and similarity between Angel and Husk's relationship (because Viv and the fans just love idea of this ship oh so much)

Also, since he was previously an overlord, how come nobody's heard of him??? Everybody will get shocked when they hear or see Alastor or recognize him by his radio shows. Everybody knows the Three Vs, Camilla, etc. but not a Husk??? The Overlord with a gambling addiction?? Charlie and Vaggie will get shocked when Alastor comes in the picture but look at Husk like he's some random dude that just popped outta nowhere?

Plus, Alastor didn't force Husk to work as a bartender. In the pilot, he was easily convinced with cheap booze.

Speaking of his gambling addiction; well we all know he likes to gamble judging by his appearance. But gambling being his addiction?? Since when was that implied?

Anyway . . . . At this point, I don't get what the idea of that song is or what Husk meant by it. Maybe I am overlooking it, but its pretty hard not to believe knowing how Viv screws up her writing skills and how she went about it. According to all the Viv defenders, the song was meant to say Angel isn't alone in being stuck in a situation he feels he can't get out of and that Husk can understand where he's coming from and what he's going through. Well sorry to burst y'all's bubble, but even if that was, they just did wrong ENTIRELY. (Sidenote: If you Hazbin lovers wanna see it how u see it, then fine. But Imma stick with what I believe and there's nothing that could be said to change my mind, so don't bother trying to correct me.)

Husk makes it seem like he knows exactly what it's like being in Angel's shoes; signing a contract and being forced to do something against his will. That part seems to be the only thing they have similar. Except what happened with Husk in the past should NOT count as a similarity!

Husk: Loses a bet against Alastor, costing his soul and status as an overlord. Agrees to commit to Alastor's biddings apparently, including being a bartender for a hotel (which he wasn't really forced to do. He doesn't seem to be afraid in refusing Alastor's requests. I partially don't even believe it was apart of the deal to do what Alastor wanted)

Angel: Is a pornstar. Forced to be a pornstar and do whatever Val wants him to do. Including submitting to him and his sexual needs, getting beaten, r8ped, assaulted (sexually even), exploited, drugged, etc.

What part of Angel's problem should Husk be understanding? Alastor doesn't beat or r8pe Husk! It's never even revealed what Husk goes through with Alastor. I doubt it's anything bad on his part, since he clearly isn't afraid to talk smack to the powerful radio demon who could kill him in an instant. They just . . . had that past and now Husk is doing him a permanant favor. What Husk is doing now isn't even anything bad. He's working as a bartender for a hotel and is being paid to do it. He may not like, but it's nothing bad. What ANGEL is going through on the other hand?? The word "bad" doesn't even begin to cover it.

Husk may not know what Angel goes through (though he should connect the dots since Angel hinted at him when he revealed he gets drugged all the time) but Angel just full on agreeing with him and accepting that he's a loser for what he goes through and having to embrace his situation????

Ummm . . . . NO!

Bro! You just saw Angel about to get drugged!! He should NOT have to accept that!!

#anti hazbin hotel #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel #hazbin #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel criticism #vivziepop critical

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sserpente · 6 months

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LOKI SEASON 2 FINALE ... LET'S DO THIS

One last time. Let's do this. *hands out tissues*

HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE FINALE UNDER THE CUT!

Okay. Let's face it. I was sobbing, you were sobbing, we were all sobbing, right?!

This episode was so damn good. An absolute cinematic masterpiece and a finale worth a beloved character like Loki.

If you've seen my Instagram story today you'll know that I was ugly crying and struggling to breathe.

Honestly. I was a mess. I still am a mess. I'm tearing up again as I'm writing this. I'm still processing. And I have so many questions!

First of all... Loki learned everything O.B. knew about the Temporal Loom and the mechanics of the TVA, spent fucking centuries doing this? Can we please talk about the commitment? I realise there was a comical aspect to this but UM?! The commitment!

The winks throughout killed me. Betcha. His calm professor-like voice had me feral, thank you very much.

When he realised that there is nothing that could fix the Temporal Loom... I immediately thought he's gonna have to stop He Who Remains from dying. When he went back there... my heart almost stopped.

For a moment, I honestly believed that he would kill Sylvie. I thought that's where the conversation he had with Mobius (which was so damn heartbreaking and epic and such an amazing verbal conclusion to Loki's way of thinking and realisation... you could practically see him struggling with the right decision and the fact that he went to ask Mobius for help is just so damn heartbreaking and sweet!) was leading. That he'd sacrifice the one person who was truly like him, who he was on one wavelength with, an outsider like him.

(That conversation with He Who Remains... him saying he paved the way for him to be able to manipulate time... and Loki outsmarting him and finding a way to keep everyone alive?! PLEASE CAN WE JUST?!)

But instead... damn, talk about a sacrifice. Loki is a fucking hero. Even writing this is so damn satisfying. Loki is a hero. And you know why that is so damn special? It's not because we wanted to prove that he's not a villain, it's not because we desperately wanted to see something in him that we obviously knew was there but it's because we didn't need him to be. He's our Loki, our cheeky God of Mischief. We loved him regardless. And now he is a hero.

Loki, the God of Stories. Loki, the God of Time.

The very moment he went down there I started sobbing. I knew at that moment that there was going to be a sacrifice of some sort. As he walked out there... and the cape appeared and those HORNS. THOSE HORNS that looked just like the cracked marble of the Citadel and He Who Remains' TemPad... I was screaming, sobbing, ugly crying... is it silly when I say that I was actually struggling to breathe?!

Can we please talk about how powerful Loki is? The fucking most powerful being in the entire multiverse? He practically became the Temporal Loom. He controls everything now, sees everything, protects everything... I still can't wrap my head around this!

It is epic. It is so fucking epic and such an amazing conclusion to his arc. Is it the end? I'm not sure. I don't want to think so. There's gonna be a multiversal war, there's gonna be Kang Variants...

We saw purple light when Renslayer woke up in the Void and I'm sure as hell that was a Kang Variant who came to pick her up. So she's gonna make another appearance for sure. So I am 100% sure this is not the last we've seen of Loki or Sylvie or Mobius. There's gonna be more, I'm sure of it.

But it was epic. Epic, epic, epic. I loved it so much. When that throne turned golden and he sat down on it, I lost it. That last scene where he smirked? THE MUSIC? The fact that his cape turned into fucking time branches?!

I have so many damn questions still. Will he be there forever? Will he be alone? Loki said that he's afraid of being alone... and now he is and that is so fucking tragic and heartbreaking. Is that the true sacrifice? The true act of heroism here, the Loki lesson to be learned? Is that how it has to be for the rest of his existence? He doesn't deserve to be alone even if this was the most selfless thing of him to do. Selfless. Loki. Beyond him saving his family I never thought I'd write something like this. Gods, damn it. And what will happen once the multiversal war breaks out which, inevitably, it will?!

Guys... let's do a group hug. I think we all need it after this epic finale.

EDIT: I forgot to mention how epic I thought the Yggdrasil reference was. I immediately cried out Yggdrasil when I saw it!

#loki #loki season 2 #loki season 2 finale #tom hiddleston #loki spoilers #loki season 2 spoilers

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selfidentifiednerdyprude · 1 month

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Once again thinking about how we don't have a culture.

The possibility of an aroace existence is never offered to us. From birth, everyone around us assumes that we will one day feel typical attraction. They imagine helping us plan our weddings. They imagine grandkids. They imagine all the milestones in a row. And if we're very lucky, they open themselves to the possibility of these things happening with someone of our assigned gender instead of someone of the other one.

These milestones— romance, sex, marriage, children— are a when, not an if. From the beginning, we're given no space to imagine our future. So many of our problems would be solved by that little word. If. If leaves space for the possibility of refusal. Refusal leaves space for the possibility of other options.

I've tried to study history to prove that we've always existed. And the first 100 years of it is medical journals. When we were first acknowledged to exist, it was as a disease. We don't have an Oscar Wilde or a Virginia Woolf or an Elgabalus, any prominent figure from the distant past that we can point to and say "we have always been here". How would we? It's so hard to prove a negative, until you want to say someone has something wrong with them.

Sherronda J. Brown makes a compelling case for Octavia Butler. They talk about how we're afraid to read our heroes of the past asexually, and how it could be liberating to imagine them as such. But if I'm honest, imagining the past in any particular way isn't helpful to me. The past can't be changed. Even if Octavia Butler had an experience that resembled mine externally, projecting my internal subjectivity onto her or anyone else just feels deeply wrong to me. I want to imagine the future so we might create it for ourselves.

A great epistemological injustice has been committed against us and we are prisoners in our own minds. We stand a chance at escaping this prison through art and literature and scholarship made by and for us, visions of the lives we can create with one another in opposition to the normative script we've been sold. There comes a time where we must move from addressing the rest of the world and hoping they deign to listen, to addressing each other as equals and allies in the same fight.

#aroace #asexual #aromantic

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nr1chaedickrider · 1 month

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then I wouldn't have to scream your name - atop of every roof in the city of my heart.

"Does love scare you?"

"In what way?"

"In a way that you're afraid to feel it, in a way that forces you to stay awake at night because it occupies your mind"

The question and her description of it make you think.

"Lowkey"

"You're stupid" she answers.

"You like it?" she doesn't answer, but instead she just shoots you a smile before looking back to her book.

"Love does scare me, very much so, if that's what you want to know" you say after a long, uncomfortable period of silence.

She looks at you, her left eyebrow raised in question and curiosity.

"It scares me so much, I don't even want to confess my love to someone" you start saying, Momo listens and lets you talk.

"In the end i know that im never sure about my feelings, I can't differentiate love and just normal feelings for a friend"

"Love is probably the worst emotion, in my opinion" you finish off saying, Momo nods a little, but doesn't answer.

You laugh a little.

Stupid and spontaneous decisions always were the ones you decide on, instead of thinking it through, you just start talking.

"What if I would confess my love for you right now?" you ask.

Her heart aches a little at your question.

"It would be so stupid, wouldn't it?" you say.

Momo closes her book, her hands toying with it nervously.

"I don't even know if I really mean it" you add.

"I can't give you what you want" she answers.

You can feel a burning sensation in your throat. The one that makes you unable to speak clearly without stuttering because you're trying to hold back your tears.

You nod, "I know, that's the thing"

She looks at you confused.

"I know this won't work, and I know we are destined to stay like this forever -

and somehow it doesn't change the way I feel about you" you state.

"And I hate it" you add.

She doesn't say anything, the only thing that comes out of her mouth is the air she is exhaling.

It makes you wish that she would start talking, that she would comment something on your insecurities about love.

You're met with dead silence though.

"You're my favorite friend -

I'm sorry that I want you like a lover" you say into the silence.

Just friends,

"I would commit any sin for you"

That speak like lovers,

"I would bite the stupid apple just to have you"

And that seems enough for,

"I wish I could kiss you"

Two teenagers who are scared to love another.

"And I hope love crosses your mind once in a while -

just so that I won't feel so pathetic for thinking about it all the time."

"And maybe, just maybe-" you whisper, voice breaking.

"In another life I'll be the one you choose"

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