#(2 for today becuase i missed some sad SAD SAD.)

[stickman4ever]

17..

#stickman #daily #stickbaby #(2 for today becuase i missed some sad SAD SAD.)

[hopeless-starry-kingdom]

you broke me first | Peter Parker

Summary: You have to remind Peter it was his fault you were broken up

read part 1 and 2 here !

song: you broke me first by Tate McRae 

a/n: happy valentines day!! hope everyone’s day was good and here is the last part of this mini series :))))

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself

But you shoulda told me that your were thinking ‘bout someone else

“If you guys are going to make out can you at least do it somewhere else. I’m eating.” MJ put her book back to her eye level as you and Harry pulled away from each other. You blushed and Harry smirked before throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“C’mon, MJ. Don’t be such a cockblock.” You slapped Harry on his arm and he laughed. “If you want I can set you up with one of my friends.”

MJ put her book down and pretended to think about the offer. “A rich daddy’s boy with two functional brain cells, who’s also a fuckboy. I’ll pass” She smiled sarcastically at Harry and he chuckled.

“Have I ever mentioned I like your friends?” You giggled at him and shook your head. MJ flipped him off and you had to bite back your laugh.

“Stop patronizing her.” You tried to be stern but the smirk on Harry’s face paired with MJ lips twitching up didn’t help your case. “Yes madame.”

Or your phones been off for a couple months, so you’re callin’ me now

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours before turning back to eat his lunch. You smile was big as you stared at him but something caught your attention. From behind him you saw Peter, Gwen, and Ned walking. Gwen had her arm wrapped around Peter’s arm. Ned was talking to Gwen about something and Peter was already staring at you. You gave him a small smile and a head nod before turning back to your small group.

“Hey, did Mr. Harrington ever say when the essay was due?”

“I cant keep going. My brain is fried.” You groaned as you flopped down on MJ’s bed and rested your arms over your eyes to block the light from coming in.

“Yeah, i’m pretty burnt too. You hungry? I can order some pizza.”

“Please?” You begged and sat up as MJ was looking for the number on her phone your phone buzzed with a message. It was Harry.

Can you come over tomorrow? I wanna spend time with you <3

You bit your lip go hide to hide the smile that was threatening to come through. Harry was always so sweet with you. He had a cocky front that he showed everyone else, sometimes with you as well. But you knew deep down he was a teddy bear. Texts like this showed that. And even though Harry explained to you that his father never showed him love, and continues not to, he doesn’t see a reason not to show love.

But I ran out of every reason

“Hey, can you please stop sexting Harry? I’m trying to hang out with you.” A pillow collided with your face and you gasped.

“MJ! I’m not sexting Harry. He wants to know if I can hang out tomorrow. It’s sweet.” You quickly responded back to his text and told him you could.

“You two are disgustingly cute. It makes me sick. And tell him to stop hogging you, I feel like he’s always with you. Does he not know he has to share?” You threw your head back and laughed at her.

“So now i’m an object of sharing? Nice to know.” You laughed and soon MJ was joining in with you.

Took a while, I was in denial when I first heard

That you moved on quicker than I coulda ever, you know that hurt

“I’m happy for you, Y/N. I know the whole thing with Peter had you in a funk..” You looked down at your hands and nodded. You still thought about Peter often. Soley because you had him in some of your classes and you constantly saw him around school. But you never thought of him like you used to. You stopped loving the way his smile reached his eyes and lit up the whole room. You stopped loving his curls. You stopped loving his unconditional kindness.

It was over now, officially. You weren’t hurting anymore and it felt so amazing to say it. The storm had passed and had taken Peter Parker with it. You were happy now with Harry. So extremely happy. You didn’t actually think it was possible but after giving the relationship a chance, you couldn’t believe how happy you were with Harry.

You never wanted to depend your happiness on soley being in a relationship. You were better than that. But you were finding you were happy by yourself and with Harry. It was the best middle ground. You thought you had to depend on Peter or a relationship to be content. And it definitely wasn’t true.

“I’m just glad that it’s all over with. And Peter was an asshole to you.” You both laughed at her statement.

“Yeah, i’m glad it’s over too.” She smiled at you before tapping a button on her phone.

“Hi, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Swear, for awhile, I would stare at my phone just to see your name

Gwen Stacy gasped as she read the note that fell out of her locker. It was the fourth one this week. And she couldn’t count how many she got over all. Apparently she was a dirty two-faced snake. She preached girl supporting girls but to everyone else she stole someone’s boyfriend which didn’t exactly sit right with the girls of the school. Gwen didn’t mean for it to happen and she tried explaining it to some of the girls in her art class but they just rolled their eyes at her.

“Another one? Let me see.” Peter grabbed the note and read over it before tearing to to shreds.

“Yes, another one Peter. In fact the fourth one this week. And maybe if i’m lucky i’ll get one tomorrow and see what else the girls have to say about me in the girls restroom. I can’t keep doing this Peter.” Gwen slammed her locker and held her head in her hands.

“Ok, well i’ll go talk to Mr. Harrington. Or even the principal. I’ll tell them that it’s been getting out of hand and—”

“No, Peter. That’s not what I mean. I mean I can’t do this. Us.” Gwen crossed her arms over her chest and refused to look at Peter because she knew if she did she’d melt.

“W-what? Gwen, what do mean?”

“Peter I cant keep living like this! People hate me all because you broke Y/N’s heart. And I can’t blame them either becuase you left her for me, you broke the poor girl. I’d hate me too.”

“They’ll get over it! It’s none of their buisness.” He reached over and tried to grab the girls hands but she instantly pulled away.

“Peter, I really like you. I do. But with college applications coming up and school’s scouting, I can’t risk letting this affect me getting into NYU. I don’t have the time for petty school drama.”

“Gwen, cmon. Please, I really like you too. I can figure something out.” He pleaded. He couldn’t let Gwen go, not after everything that happened with you.

“I’m sorry, Pete. I really am.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek before smiling sadly at him. She turned with her books in her hand and walked away.

Peter groaned and kicked the locker next to him. It created a dent and some people began to whisper and point. He sighed before walking to his first class.

‘Did you hear what happened????’

You furrowed yourself brows at MJ’s text. You quickly looked up and seen your teacher pointing to the board and explaining today’s lesson. You placed your phone in your lap as you typed back a response.

‘Hear what? Did Flash trip and fall into the trash again?’

You looked up again and pretended to take notes and waited for her to text back. Once you felt your phone buzz your eyes nearly bulged out of your head

‘No! Though that would make my day— Gwen broke up with Peter! Some junior over heard it from their locker and started to spread it. That’ll show him!’

You gulped as you put your phone away and stared ahead. Peter no longer had Gwen. Peter no longer had the girl he left you for. She ended it with him. You had a mix of emotions. For one you wanted to rub your relationship in his face. He left you for someone and now they broke up with him.

You couldn’t believe how much it back fired on him. You wanted to laugh in his face and call him a huge idiot. You wouldn’t ever dare think of leaving him. He got his karma.

But you also felt a little sad for him. Gwen broke up with him. You couldn’t imagine how upset and sad he was feeling. But you couldn’t shake the feeling of it being his fault. Becuase maybe it was.

The rest of the week was filled with gossip about Peter being dumped by Gwen. The girls said he deserved it but also thought it didn’t excuse Gwen either. She noticed she still got stared in the hall but the whispers stopped and so did the writing in the restroom. It was a start.

They scoffed at Peter and made sure to give him a dirty look. Peter wasn’t feeling too good either. He couldn’t belive he lost you and Gwen. Ned tried to reasure him that it wasn’t meant to be. All Peter did was smile and nod. And then he saw you smiling and laughing with Harry. Living your best life and he felt jealous and angry. Jealous and angry that you were happy without him. And jealous and angry that Harry was the one to kiss you and give you hugs from behind.

That should be me.

He hated himself for thinking that. He broke up with you. He left you. So why was he thinking about you like he had in the past? It dawned on him for the next few days that letting you go was a mistake. He didn’t actually like Gwen, he liked the idea of her. The popular, girl next door version of Gwen Stacy is what he liked. Sure, Gwen was funny and nice and smart but so were you. And much more in his opinion.

He was an idiot who let you go because he liked the idea of someone. He chose that over loving you.

“The blood drive took way longer than I thought.” You pressed your phone against your ear with your shoulder as you began to enter your locker combination.

“Well saving lives isn’t a two second process miss Y/L/N.” You rolled your eyes at Harry being sarcastic.

“I can’t believe your missing school to attend one of your dads meeting in the Upper East Side.” Harry chuckled and shrugged.

“What can I say? I’m a buisness man too.” Harry’s father glared at him as they walked in the halls of the conference room. He knew that was his way of telling Harry to get off the phone.

“Hey, babe. I have to go, the meetings starting soon. I’ll see you tomorrow. Stay safe.”

“Bye, Harry. See you.” You smiled as you hung up the phone and pocketed your phone. You were excused for two of your class periods and now had to be at your next one as the bell rang. You quickly grabbed the books you needed and slammed the locker shut. You gasped in surprise when you seen who was behind the locker.

“Peter? Um, what are you doing?” You looked around anxiously to see if any other students noticed you and the curly haired boy standing within a few feet of each other. They had.

“H-how are you?”

“I’m good? Do you need something? I have physics next and—”

“Your teacher will kill you if you’re late.” He chuckled as he nervously twiddled his fingers. You didn’t laugh though. “How-How’s being able to drive now? I bet it feels like you have a ton of freedom.”

“Peter, i’m sorry if this sounds rude but what do you want? You’ve made it pretty clear these past few months you don’t want anything to do with me. So what do you need? Is this about you being you-know-who?” You whispered the last part to make sure no one heard. “I promise I won’t tell Harry or anyone else.”

“No! It’s not that it’s... Okay I know this might sound so crazy and insane but please, just hear me out.” He had his puppy dog eyes on and you couldn’t ever resist them. What was a few minutes?

“You have like two minutes before I have to go.” You glanced at your phone for the time.

“Okay, sweet. First off I want to say how sorry I am for the way I treated you, Y/N. It was so shitty and I just tossed you to the side. I will never be able to forgive myself for that but I was hoping... maybe you can?”

You smiled at the boy once you realized what he was doing. He was giving you a formal apology. Though it was long over due you knew you couldn’t hold a grudge against him. You just weren’t that person. And you were finally over Peter. It was all working out.

“Of course, I can forgive you, Peter. Thank you for apologizing. It does mean a lot. Well i’ll see you around?” Peter’s brows furrowed before quickly shaking his head.

“Wait that’s not all.” Your looked at him quizzically and urged him to continue. “I was wondering I-if you’d like to give us, me and you, another try. At dating, of course.” He smiled at you and suddenly you were no longer smiling. You took a step back as you stared at him in disbelief.

How dare he? How dare he break your heart and then come running back to you the moment Gwen breaks up with him. You were his second choice and that hurt. And to top it off, you were with Harry, happily.

“How dare you, Peter Parker?” Peter gulped as he recognized the anger and disappointment in your tone.

“Becuase shit isn’t going your way, you think this is okay?” You voice was now raised and now suddenly everyone in the hall turned to face you two.

“Y/N, please. Just let me explain—”

“Now suddenly you’re asking for me back? Could you tell me where’d you get the nerve?” You spit and Peter didn’t think he’d ever seen you so mad.

“I made a huge mistake. I miss you. I miss us.” He tried pleading but you scoffed

“You can say you miss all that we had but I don’t really care how bad you’re hurting, Peter. Not when you broke me first.”

There were tears in your eyes and your heart was heavy. How could he do this to you? You were over him now and then he comes and pull this stunt. You were also very angry.

“Y/N, please. I—”

“I don’t want to heart it, Parker! Leave me alone! I mean it, Peter. Don’t talk to me anymore, don’t look at me in the halls or in our classes. Don’t even think about me. It’s over Peter. Find your dignity while you’re at it.” You spat and purposely pushed his shoulder roughly with yours.

You tried to ignore the whispers as you started to speed walk to the nearest restroom, your class long forgotten.

You tried to hold in your sob as your thoughts began to eat you alive. But you couldn’t hold back as it pried its way to the surface. You didn’t care about if the floor was dirty as you slid down to hug your knees. All you could think was screw Peter Parker. This wasn’t the Peter you knew. Peter would never publicly humiliate you and turn you into a joke. But he did.

What did you think would happen?

I’ll never let you have it

What did you think would happen?

You had to remind yourself that he in fact did do those things. You were a game to Peter, it seemed. His second choice. And it hurt, you hate to admit that it hurt.

“Y/N.” MJ walked into the bathroom and sighed when she saw you on the floor.

“I-Is the whole sch-school talking ab-about me?” You hiccuped and she placed a hand on your knee and gently rubbed her hand back and forth.

“The only thing they’re saying is how Peter’s a jackass and you don’t deserve that.” You sighed and nodded and tried to brush your tears away.

“I just can’t believe he would d-do this to me. It’s like i’m a jo-joke.” You sniffled and MJ scoffed. “He’s such a dick. Once I get my hands on him—”

“No, MJ. It’s fine. I gave him a piece of my mind already.” You smiled weakly at her and she helped you off the floor. She shook her head with a scowl and then snorted.

“What?”

“Once Harry hears about his little stunt, Peter is done for.”

Your eyes widened as you thought about Harry. He tolerated Peter because of you and once he hears what happened, you have a good idea what he’d do.

“My god, I have to call him. But he’s in a stupid high class professional meeting.” You whipped out your phone and went to his contact. You couldn’t call him but you thought a text should be enough until you see him later.

‘Don’t freak out...Peter asked me out again

BUT!!!! I obviously said no and handled to situation!

So when you come to school tomorrow and hear about the drama pls don’t pummel Peters face in ??? <3’

“Hm. That should hold him off. Let’s skip class and go watch the cheerleaders fall from their pyramid.” You tried to keep a straight face but ended up laughing.

“Yeah, i’m down for that.” MJ smiled at you and started to walk out of the bathroom.

You sighed and thought about if Peter was hurting right now. But then you shook your head.

But I don’t really care how bad it hurts

When you broke me first

He broke you first and now he had to deal with the aftermath, not you.

#peter parker #spiderman #peter parker blurb #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #harry osborn #spiderman far from home #spider man: homecoming

[spaceskam]

Pretty Little Picture (2/3)

for day 2 of @malex-cupid and yes it still counts becuase I haven’t slept yet 

ao3

Alex woke up before Michael.

Michael slept on his back with the blankets pulled up to his chin, his mouth open. Alex carefully reached over to close it before he pulled his arm back into his own space. Michael’s hair was dry now, fanning out across the pillow. He looked good. So good. Really, obnoxiously good.

Alex had lived with this man for three years. They’d known each other for way longer than that. Sure, they hadn’t really been close in high school, but they were friendly by way of Alex being friends with Liz and Liz dating Michael’s pseudo-brother. It just made sense for them to share a house.

At first, it was a little difficult to get used to. Michael had always been attractive and Alex had gotten a little flustered when he realized how often he’d go without a shirt. He worked part-time as a mechanic before he got this internship and came home regularly a fucking mess and Alex’s blood would simply rush from his brain and leave him light-headed. But, after a while, he got used to it. They got closer, touchier, more comfortable and Alex didn’t see him as just a hot man using his kitchen and burning himself on the stove every morning because he always forgot to keep his arm away from the pan. He was his friend.

But now he was really starting to feel like the hot man with grease stains on his face all over again, only worse, because he was giving Alex ample attention.

Alex carefully turned so his back was to Michael and he grabbed his phone, unlocking it to text Liz. He needed that for his brain.

Alex: I’m not saying you’re right, but also how would one go about not falling for a man who keeps being super nice and flirty and touchy with you

Liz: ALEX !!!!

Alex: shhh he’ll hear you

Liz: ha ha.

Liz: Make an excuse to leave. You’re gonna regret it if you don’t.

Alex: okay, BUT what if I’ll regret it if I leave? Like I know Michael doesn’t mean any of it like that and nothing’s gonna happen, shouldn’t I just enjoy it?

Liz: Alex that’s sad. You deserve more than just enjoying attention while it lasts.

Alex: I mean, it’s Michael, he’s going to keep giving me attention after this because he wants attention too. He’ll just go back to normal

Liz: please be careful, your heart is so fragile

Alex: I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now

Liz: make sure that’s the only thing that’s hard 

Alex: STOP

Liz: I’m kidding!

Alex: pls don’t tell Max about this

Liz: he wouldn’t listen even if I tried

Alex: ??? are you sure you should be the one giving me relationship advice then?

Liz: I MEANT because he doesn’t want to hear about Michael’s sex life, don’t be rude

Alex: suuuuuuure

Alex dropped his phone in shock as Michael’s alarm started blaring, the standard Samsung alarm more than a little startling. Michael apparently thought so too because he shot up and frantically reached to shut it off. Alex happily pretended to still be asleep as he slipped his phone under the pillow.

“Fuck,” Michael breathed, voice a few steps deeper due to the morning as he fell back against the pillow. He was still for a minute before shifting and Alex soon felt fingertips on his back between his shoulder blades.

Alex was absolutely, extremely, unfathomably fucked.

“You awake?” Michael asked, dragging his fingers up until he touched Alex’s bare neck. He moved his hair out of the way and everything. His voice was so deep in the morning that Alex was pretty sure he was going to have a heart attack.

“Yeah,” Alex whispered.

“Good, we gotta get up soon,” Michael said, scooting closer. Alex had never liked the sound of movement under sheets before that moment.

Michael was warm as he pressed up close behind him. Alex swallowed hard, his heart thudding in his chest and his face burning so much that his ears started ringing. His warm hand trailed down his arm and wrapped him in a hug, squeezing him so tight he never wanted to be let go.

“You’re so soft, dude, what the fuck,” Michael said, bowing his head in the crook of Alex’s neck. Alex huffed a laugh, wiggling his arm free just enough to pat his head.

They laid there for a few seconds and Alex couldn’t help but think about how nice it was to wake up to someone like this. Wake up to Michael like this. He took a deep breath and allowed it to sink in a little more.

Which was fine and relaxing until Michael’s lips pressed against his neck and Alex’s eyes flew open, his heart picking up pace again. It was just a short little peck, but it was there. Michael lifted his head afterward and laid it back on the pillow with no mention of it, no comment of it. It was almost jarring‒just in the best way possible.

“Okay, so, today we go to breakfast. I think Curtis plans to have a talk with his employees during it, so we might be separated. Keep your phone on you and good luck if we do. Then we’re going to, like, this… I guess it’d be like a pseudo-conference. Curtis is gonna give a talk about, like, balancing work and home life and some shit like that. Then, I’m sorry, but couples yoga led by Jeannie. It’s gonna feel super cult-y, but play nice because I think it’s like their secret dream jobs. Then lunch. Then a nature walk because, well, you saw this place is surrounded by trees and shit,” Michael said, sounding more awake now as he leaned over Alex’s shoulder to tell him. His hands idly played with the hem of Alex’s shirt as if this was just something they do.

“I really feel like you should’ve warned me about couples yoga, what if I don’t have anything to wear?” Alex asked. Michael paused and tilted his head.

“You’re Alex, you wear yoga-appropriate clothes all the time. You’re telling me you didn’t bring one pair of those leggings that are borderline obscene but you think are totally socially acceptable?” Michael asked, his voice soft and warm. 

Alex huffed a laugh, smiling easily at him as he tugged on his arm and urged him to come over him completely instead of laying half on him. Michael did so, rolling over him and laying in that tiny space between Alex and the edge of the bed. Alex held onto his hips‒so he wouldn’t fall, of course. 

“I mean, yeah, but you could’ve warned me.”

“My bad, I’ll warn you next time we have to do couples yoga,” Michael said flippantly. Alex snorted and nodded his head. “Anyway, then we’ll have a repeat of last night, basically, socializing and dinner, but it’ll be a little bit more casual. Tomorrow, though, brunch and then another Curtis Talk, probably a bit of free time to bond as a couple, and then an early, more secluded dinner before we get sent off.”

“How is any of that supposed to gauge how good of an employee you’ll be?” Alex asked, mindlessly rubbed a small circle against his hip.

“Uh, what do you mean? What’s more telling of someone’s character than hell well they follow instructions, keep a cool head while in new situations, poker face under stress, and how well they can play well with others that they don’t know that well and could possibly be annoying and yet have to spend a bunch of time around them?” Michael explained. Alex stared at him for a moment before he huffed a laugh.

“I didn’t even think of it like that.”

“It’s okay, I’ve got my mind on one thing and it’s this business venture,” Michael said. But then his eyes, still half-lidded and a bit dark-ringed from sleep, drifted across Alex’s face. “Well, mostly one thing.”

Alex shook his head. “Such a charmer.”

“Absolutely,” Michael said, “And so are you. That’s why we’re pulling this off so well.”

“Mm, the only reason?” Alex teased. Michael grinned and shrugged a shoulder.

“I don’t know, guess we’ll find out,” he said. Before Alex had to come up with an answer, Michael rolled towards the edge of the bed and somehow landed on his feet. Alex shook his head against and stayed in his spot. “Gonna go tame my hair. Wear something hot.”

“Don’t I always?”

“True.”

Alex’s eyes followed Michael into the bathroom, waiting for the door to click shut before he kicked his legs and covered his face with his hands. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

He didn’t bother messing with the smile that stayed comfortably on his face as he searched through his bag for something yoga-and-workplace appropriate. He settled on a pair of those leggings Michael apparently liked more than he realized and a flowy tank top that covered anything that could really be described as obscene. He pulled on a cardigan over it to give it some semblance of a day-wear vibe.

“Remind me to stand behind you when you bend over so no one just stares at your ass,” Michael said as he came out of the bathroom. Alex laughed and stood up straight from where he was bent over to plug in his charger.

“Is that just a lame excuse so you can stare at my ass?” Alex asked. Michael just shrugged and went to his own bag.

“Who’s to say.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Alex laughed, “I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t stay gone for too long, I might miss you.”

Alex rolled his eyes and closed himself in the bathroom. He took a deep breath for his own sanity, but he was simply hit with the smell of Michael’s curl cream and leave-in conditioner and that made it actually impossible to regain any semblance of sanity.

Still, he managed to focus as he dealt with his own hair, brushing through it and then pulling half of it back into a small ponytail and making it a bit purposefully messy. He again drew on his eyeliner, doing something simple because he still was working on making a good impression.

He finished up pretty easily, brushing his teeth and double-checking before he walked out. Michael was in jeans and a collared shirt. Alex scoffed 

"Wait, wait, wait, you get to wear jeans? Are you going to do yoga in jeans?" Alex laughed. Michael rolled his eyes, wiping his hands over his thighs.

"I've got a pair of athletic leggings underneath, but I'm not comfortable in them," Michael admitted. Alex rolled his eyes.

"Take those off, I'll give you something more comfortable," Alex told him, going to his own duffle bag. He dug through it for a second before pulling out a pair of gray sweats that were loose around the crotch and thigh area but got tight around the calves. "You'll look like an asshole, but they'll be comfier."

"Why do you own them if they make you look like an asshole?" Michael asked as he unbuttoned his jeans. He dropped them to the floor and–Yeah, those leggings didn't leave much to the imagination. Alex shook his head.

"Comfy," Alex said simply, "Also I got them a few years ago."

"Ah," Michael said, his thumbs hooking in his leggings and yanked them down. Alex averted his eyes. "I don't care if you look, Alex, nothin' you haven't seen before."

"Yeah, well," Alex breathed, swallowing. Michael laughed and took the pants. Alex gave it a few seconds before looking back at him. "Okay, tell me you have a better shirt?" 

Michael stared at him blankly.

"Michael, I know you wanted to look nice, but come on," he laughed, going back to his bag, "You're lucky I'm a chronic over-packer."

"Mm, I feel lucky," Michael hummed. Alex rolled his eyes again, but his smile came back in full force. 

Alex handed him a loose tank top that was a black version of the one Alex was wearing.

"They'll think we're cute and matching," Alex said, "Please tell me you brought at least one flannel."

"Of course I do, I'm not an animal," he scoffed. Alex grinned. 

"Go grab it and we'll go down for breakfast," Alex told him, shoving his shoulder lightly. Michael swayed forward to peck his cheek before leaning back and pulling off his shirt with one smooth motion. Alex took a deep breath.

They both slipped on their shoes and started to head towards the elevator. Again touching, poking, prodding, laughing. Alex hummed as Michael slowly backed him into the corner of the elevator.

"When the door opens, they'll think we can't keep our hands off each other," Michael said, voice low. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know that we could keep our hands off each other," Alex said, tilting his head as he grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants and tugged him in closer. Michael’s lips parted and his eyes widened, that same level of awe on his face that he had whenever he’d make the ‘on your knees’ comment from the night before.

“You, Alex Manes, are gonna be the fucking death of me,” Michael breathed, leaning forward until their foreheads touched.

Michael was pressed up against him at their hips, their upper body only separated by Alex’s palm. Their breath mingled between them and Alex slowly began to wonder if Michael wasn’t just teasing. Maybe he never had been. And, honestly, Alex wouldn’t mind. Actually‒wouldn’t mind was a gross understatement.

Alex, never one to back down from something that he wanted, gave him his best set of ‘fuck me’ eyes and licked his lips. Michael breathed in deep as his eyes drifted down and then back up to meet his eyes, back and forth a few times before his head started tilting and he started moving his jaw a bit closer.

Their noses touched.

“Oh! Wow, okay,” a voice said. Michael quickly moved off Alex like they’d just been caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing‒and maybe they had been. Callie stood in the open elevator door, her bulky glasses not hiding her amused expression one bit. “Should I leave or…?”

“Sorry,” Michael said, clearing his throat. He pulled at the sides of his sweatpants before tugging at the hem of his shirt. Alex felt a little dizzy at the idea that he needed to cover something up. “Didn’t know you’d be barging in.”

“It’s an elevator, Guerin, you’re the one that should learn to keep it in your pants,” Callie said, walking in and letting the doors close. Alex kept his breath even as Callie gently shoved Michael.

“It’s very clearly in my pants, Kemeny,” he joked back.

“And for how long?” Callie said, gaze drifting over to Alex, “Because I know how you can be.”

“You that bad at keeping your cool at work?” Alex asked, raising his eyes at Michael. 

“I’m perfectly capable of self-control!” Michael argued. Alex and Callie both snorted a laugh at the same time and Michael’s bottom lip protruded in a pout. “You’re both so mean to me.”

“I’m the nicest person you’ve ever met,” Callie insisted. Michael rolled his eyes even though his pout faded. “See I was gonna slyly tell Alex I stole a good bottle of whiskey if he wanted to get away from you for a little while, but I can clearly see things have transpired.”

“Transpired?” Alex echoed.

“She knows you’re just my roommate,” Michael said, “She called me out when I told Curtis I’d be bringing my boyfriend ‘cause she knew I didn’t have one of those. And nothing transpired, Kemeny, we were just… playing.”

“Mhm, playing. That’s what I told my mom when she caught my high school boyfriend hiding under my bed.”

Michael elbowed her and hissed a childish, “Shut up.”

“I’ve said nothing,” Callie grinned.

The elevator doors opened and she walked out first. Michael glanced over at Alex before holding out his hand.

“Breakfast?” he asked. Alex took it willingly and let himself be led to the dining area.

There were a lot of things Alex knew about Michael. He was touchy and flirty and he was a genius. Clearly, he wasn’t the only one who knew that. He was obvious enough that Callie knew and they didn’t hang out outside of work as far as Alex knew. And, surely, it was normal for people to fall for Michael.

However, it never occurred to him that he’d be interested in Alex that way. It was fun to push with no expectation and fun to push with theories. You’re just my roommate, Michael had said, nothing transpired. So he must’ve meant it that way. Alex had a little crush, but Michael didn’t reciprocate. They were just playing. This was just what he did.

Which was fine. But how much playing could Alex get away with?

“So,” Alex started as he stabbed the cube of cantaloupe with his fork, “Playing, huh?”

Michael pointed at him with his own fork. “Not you fucking with me too.”

“I’m not!” Alex laughed, “Just, you know, wondering.”

You’re roommates, his brain suddenly reminded him, stop it before you fuck that up. Alex didn’t stop. He didn’t want to. This weekend wasn’t real anyway.

“Why?” Michael asked, slowly lowering his fork. Alex shrugged.

“I mean, this weekend isn’t really, like, serious, you know? Things go back to normal when we go home,” Alex said. Michael stared at him for a long few seconds.

“What do you mean?” he wondered.

“This is the first Valentine’s since my junior year of high school that I’m not getting laid,” Alex pointed out, grabbing his glass of coffee and taking a sip.

“Jesus, Alex,” Michael breathed, laughing softly as he shook his head as he stood to go have breakfast with his coworkers in the other room, “You’re gonna make a man do something stupid one day.”

Alex shrugged, a smile on his face.

“Do it. I dare you.”

-

Curtis was, in the nicest way, not meant to be a public speaker.

Despite his well-written script that he had memorized, his charismatic personality, and the flashy PowerPoint, he had no fucking stage presence. He wasn’t captivating to watch and it was the most boring thing Alex had sat through in awhile. Michael nearly passed out four times and Alex had resorted to pinching his thigh to keep him away.

“I’m gonna have bruises,” Michael grumbled as they moved towards the room they’d be doing couples yoga in.

“I wasn’t about to ruin all your hard work by letting you fall asleep,” Alex hummed. Michael took a deep breath.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Alex had done yoga a pretty decent amount before, mainly with Maria back in high school and then with random other friends that wanted someone to go with them. He wasn’t bad at it and he definitely didn’t hate it, it was just never something he really remembered to keep up with without someone else. 

Michael, on the other hand, probably had never done anything similar to it in his entire life. Alex wasn’t even sure he could touch his toes and he wasn’t even that tall. Though, with Isobel around, it didn’t make sense. Still, Alex didn’t have high expectations.

They sat beside each other on a relatively large mat, waiting for things to get started. Michael kept looking over at him as if waiting for him to do something, though Alex wasn’t sure what. He ignored it, though, and shrugged off his cardigan and placed his phone in the bundle. Michael slowly mimicked him with his flannel and put it beside them on the mat.

“Alex,” Michael whispered.

“Hm?” 

“About what you said earlier…”

“When?” Alex asked. Michael blinked at him and then shook his head.

“Nevermind.”

Alex eyed him for a moment and then wondered if just by bringing it up that morning had been pushing their little game of pretend too far. Maybe it wasn’t as pretend as he was assuming. Alex turned his head to him entirely and made eye contact.

“If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. I was just joking. I don’t mind you being touchy and cuddly, but I also don’t expect anything like that from you either, okay? You’re my best friend,” Alex said honestly, keeping his voice low. Michael nodded slowly.

“Okay,” he said, “You’re my best friend too.”

They stared at each other for a few more seconds until Jeannie started talking and they had to pay attention.

She led them through a bunch of exercises. They sat with their backs together and stretched each other’s spine (Alex was indeed more flexible than Michael who complained at every big movement). When Alex had to lay against him to stretch, it was fine, but when Michael had to lay on Alex, it was a little bit more tense.

“Tell me if I’m crushing you,” he whispered. Alex huffed a laugh.

“You literally couldn’t crush me if you wanted to.”

“I mean… I could, though,” he said, “If I squeezed.”

Alex took a deep breath and had to tell him to shut up. He did, thankfully.

They eventually moved to have their feet pressed together and pulling each other forward and Alex was met again with Michael’s lack of bending. He could pull Alex until he was almost bent in half, but Michel struggled to even get a little bit.

“I do not believe no man has tried to bend you in half before,” Alex mumbled. Michael gave a pathetic little whine.

“They always worked me up to it at least.”

“Mental images all around.”

A few more stretches, more touching, more becoming viscerally acquainted with Michael’s body. It was meant to be for non-sexual intimacy and trust, but Alex couldn’t help himself. It was a little overwhelming the longer he had to help him stretch and work up a sweat.

By the time it was over and Alex felt loose and pliable, it was almost cruel to just tell them to go get freshened up for lunch in an hour.

“I wasn’t uncomfortable, by the way,” Michael said as they walked into their room, more distance between them on the way up than there had been since they arrived at the trip, “I just didn’t really understand what you meant.”

“But you do now?” Alex wondered. 

“I think so.”

With a newfound understanding of some sort, they took turns cleaning up. Once Alex came back out of the bathroom, he found Michael curled up in bed again. Temptation was too much and he walked near him, reaching out to run his fingers through his hair. Michael’s eyes slid open slowly.

“I want a nap,” Michael whined, “Let’s skip lunch.”

“Well, we can’t skip, that’d be bad,” Alex said, “But we can lay down for a few minutes.”

“Set an alarm, please?” Michael asked, pouting. Alex did, setting one for ten minutes before lunch was scheduled. “Set?”

“Yeah, so‒”

Michael cut him off by grabbing his arm and tugging him down. Alex landed on top of him with wide eyes, but he didn’t seem to mind as he wrapped his arms around him and held him there. So apparently they were an equal enough understanding to do that.

Alex bowed his head against his chest and happily let himself stay kept there, crush be damned.

-

“Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex.”

“Oh my God, shut up or I’m going to push you into that creek.”

“It’s important.”

Alex took a deep breath and pulled out his earbuds to give Michael his attention. They’d agreed that on the nature hike, Michael would let Alex listen to some of the pieces he had to have memorized for his test in a couple of weeks. But apparently Gesualdo’s Moro, lasso, al mio duolo wasn’t as important as whatever he had to say was.

“Look,” he whispered from where he was crouched by the creek. Alex sighed and walked closer, leaning over his shoulder. In the water, there was nothing but tadpoles. “Look, this one has its legs and everything.”

“This was important?” Alex asked softly.

Michael blinked up at him and nodded. Alex sighed and sat beside him, taking one of his earbuds and putting it in Michael’s ear.

They listened to renaissance music and watched the tadpoles together for well over an hour before they had to go get ready for dinner and somehow, stupidly, that did nothing but make Alex feel like he was crushing even more. And suddenly the game wasn’t funny or playful and he was starting to feel like it was too much.

Alex: mistakes have been made. He listened to Gesualdo and des Prez with me by water while we watched tadpoles what kind of backwoods ass romcom am I living in Liz help

Liz: ABORT MISSION

Alex: I CAN’T 

Alex: I’D BE THE WORST FRIEND EVER

Alex: Liz

Alex: he listened to the three masses with me

Liz: oh no

Liz: how can he do that and expect you not to fall in love with him???

Alex: THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING

Alex: oh my godddd

Liz: maybe he likes you back??? I’m literally catholic and I simply could not

Alex: ...why would you give me false hope like that

Liz: I’M JUST SAYING

Liz: play it cool. Don’t drink too much. One more night.

Alex: if he corners me in the elevator again, that’s it, I’m jumping him

Liz: HE DID WHAT?

“Literally what the fuck,” Michael scoffed, “How do you look so good? How did I go so many years without knowing I was bisexual when you were right there?”

Alex rolled his eyes as he buttoned up his shirt. He left the top two open, but he usually left three or four. Modesty, he supposed. At least for his own sanity.

“I don’t know, denial?” Alex suggested. Michael laughed, coming up behind him in the mirror. He wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on his shoulder. Alex was going to faint. “You keep sayin’ stuff like that without an audience and I’m gonna start thinking you like me.”

Michael took a deep breath and shrugged, hugging Alex tight.

“Menace,” Alex accused. Michael’s brilliant response was to let his teeth drag across Alex’s neck.

Because that’s apparently what friends did.

“Michael,” Alex said, a little more serious than intended. Michael tilted his head in attention, arms already beginning to loosen up. “Don’t fuck with me like that.”

“Who said I was fucking with you?” Michael asked.

They stared at each other in the mirror for an absurdly long time. Alex’s mind was racing through all the things that had happened yesterday and today and how it was a lot of confusing things that were all his best friend just being flirty because they were faking it. And Alex thought he pushed too far by making it too real, but apparently, he wasn’t even the worst offender.

“We have a dinner to go to.”

“Yeah,” Michael said, “We do.”

It was officially the longest dinner Alex ever had to sit through.

While Michael didn’t corner him in the elevator, he did hold his hand beneath the table while they ate. And then it went from resting on top of Alex’s leg to between his thighs and steadily moving up. Alex’s heart was thudding in his chest and his stomach grew warm at the same speed his slacks grew tighter. He stayed still, managing not to shift even as Michael very much decided to screw all professional behavior.

“Aren’t you supposed to be showing how good of an employee you’ll be?” Alex hissed at him at the loudest point of conversation so no one would overhear. 

Michael’s thumb traced the seam beside his zipper.

“I am,” Michael, smiling like they were talking about the wine, “Poker face while under stressful situations. You’re so good, Alex, no one suspects anything. Best decision I’ve ever made.”

“Well, yeah, this isn’t the first time some boy with a pretty face has felt me up under the table of important people,” Alex responded, his face calm despite the fact he was losing his damn mind. Not only with confusion, but also because what the fuck. “Though, last time, he wasn’t trying to win them over.”

Michael shrugged, just casually rubbing their joint hands against him as if he was just being sweet. He was quite literally being the opposite of sweet.

Alex leaned closer to put his lips by his ear so he could whisper, “I thought we were friends,” without anyone hearing.

“Friends can’t help each other out?”

“Didn’t realize we were at that level of friendship.”

“Weren’t you the one who said this weekend wasn’t real?”

“Fair enough. Keep going.”

Alex focused back on his food and Michael’s coworkers, making small talk with ease despite the fact he was just steady getting more and more worked up by just too much pointless movement and not enough actual friction. Michael’s face was completely normal as did the same. Both of them sipped their wine and no one suspected anything.

Maybe that made them bad people, but Alex didn’t even fucking care anymore.

It did get a little difficult when they stopped sitting and had to walk around and chat. Michael thankfully pulled away long enough for Alex to calm down a little, but his mind was still on it as he stayed glued to Michael’s side.

“You play the piano? So do I! Well, I haven’t played in a while,” a girl whose name Alex couldn’t remember said.

“It’s like riding a bike, you don’t forget it,” he said, laughing warmly. Michael’s hand was low on his back. Normally it wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary. Currently, Alex was about to explode.

“I bet! I’ll have to play sometime again. Oh, wait, let me go get Ivan, he’s a classically trained violinist,” she said, turning to go find him. Michael leaned into his ear.

“The more composed you are, the harder it is to keep my hands to myself,” he said. Alex huffed a laugh.

“They have never been kept to yourself.”

“You get what I mean.”

“Yeah, I really do.”

Ivan came up and they talked. Will came up and they talked. Callie, Emily, Alisha, etc, etc, etc.

“The more I look at you, the more I think we should leave,” Michael said as the night started to wind down and Alex needed to get away from all of them.

“Then let’s go. Let’s leave,” he said, Michael nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Michael! Alex!” Jeannie called before they could make a run for it.

“Oh my god,” Alex whined softly. Michael grinned.

“Hey!” Michael cheered. Alex put on his award-winning smile to match.

“Can I just say you boys are the sweetest?” Jeannie said, her voice hushed as if it was a secret, “So many couples come to this thing and I’m not even sure they like each other. And, honestly, I’m so over men who just complain about their spouses at work. It’s nice to see you two. You’re really in love and it’s so comforting to know that it’s still something you can find.”

If only she knew.

“Thank you so much,” Alex said earnestly, “I think people just need to find something worth fighting for.”

“I completely agree! Seems you’ve found it,” she grinned. When Michael’s hold on him tightened, Alex didn’t react. 

“We try.”

“Ah, well, I don’t wanna keep you. I know two lovebirds like you wanna go celebrate Valentine’s Day properly, so go on! I’ll see you in the morning,” Jeannie said, shooing them away.

“Goodnight,” they said together, not even arguing as they headed for the elevator.

“Is it weird that your boss’s wife thinks we’re gonna have sex in a room they’re paying for?” Alex asked. Michael took a deep.

“Probably less weird if she’s right.”

“I totally agree.”

Alex had never kissed Michael before.

It wasn’t like he’d never had the opportunity‒they’d been at parties together where it’d totally been plausible. Michael had drunkenly climbed into his bed and puckered his lips for a kiss before. Alex had been cornered in the elevator this very morning where he could’ve if he wanted to.

But the point was that he hadn’t and yet, when he finally did, there was no adjustment needed. They stumbled into their room attached by their lips, frantically trying to touch any and every part of each other that they could. Alex forgot he was his roommate and best friend, he forgot that this was a boy he had a crush on and he was very certain didn’t feel the same way, and he did nothing but pull him closer.

He got Michael out of his shirt and his pants, pushing him onto the bed and kneeling between his spread legs. Alex breathed heavily as he trailed his fingertips over Michael’s chest and arms and thighs. A pout formed on his face as he realized the pinching from earlier actually did bruise him.

“You bruise so easy, I’m sorry,” Alex said, moving to kiss over the little tiny marks. Michael heaved a breath. “I’ll be careful.”

“Alex, honestly, I don’t care if you’re careful as long as I can cover it,” Michael insisted. Alex’s hand stayed on his thigh as the other one slid back up to his chest. He liked touching him. He wanted to do it forever.

“You’re strong. And you did so good today, so good for me,” Alex told him, his thumb rubbing small circles into his upper inner thigh. Michael’s eyes slid closed and he swallowed hard. And the compliments from the last couple of days suddenly made a lot more sense.

“Alex,” he breathed out. And it sounded nice.

“Michael,” Alex said back softly, leaning down to kiss him on the lips just once, “Let me see what you look like on your knees.”

“Okay.”

And, truly, Alex didn’t care about how right Liz was anymore.

Fair enough.

#malexcupid21 #malex #malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #my fic #verse: pretty little picture

[ziracona]

1: love your Vigo drawing, it's WONDERFUL 2: how do you think the entity would vibe with cosmetics? I know that's not really a thing in ILM but i can't get the idea out of my head of survivors just occasionally finding pieces of clothing in the woods and getting a sweet serotonin boost while ignoring the reality that those clothes likely came from former survivors who aren't here anymore. It'd be relatively easy for the entity to do and makes em last a bit longer as well, could be a treat maybe?

Ah! Thank you so much! I’ve been trying to draw him more. I missed him :’-] And I was really happy with that one!

Have a couple of my earliest vague doodles of him from two years ago and mine from lunch break today. Thank you so much for the compliment!! I was really proud of how pretty the one from yesterday was.💙 He looked very Vigo.

Hmmmm, well, I am not sure the Entity has a good enough real understanding of humans to realize that new clothes are actually a huge seratonin booster — especially when your old ones are nasty. Considering it doesn’t even give them like, blankets or a mat or a falling apart shed with a roof, instead of just an open campfire and some logs. :’-] it’s such a shit like come on, if you’re going to torture people for sustenance, can’t you at least let them stay in a nice hotel room with cable between trials or smth? Fkn asshole...

But anyway, I think it’s rewards would be much more likely to come in the form of things that help trial survivability, becuase it has a limited and flawed understanding of how humans work. I do like cosmetics being a thing though! They were a tiny bit in ILM, just, only barely. Claudette had a scarf from one of her other outfits, and I think there was one other? I figure why not just have them be another thing occasionally found in chests? Except, unlike an item, if you put it on, even if you die, now it becomes yours. It seems normal for them to end up there with the other remnants of past survivors, like tools and journals and favoured items. It’s kinda sweet and sad, and I like the image of it a lot. Poor Kate with her little bandanna top, freezing out there, digging through a chest and finding a sweater with horses on it. The abundant joy of warm new clothes, but the knowledge they came from someone who didn’t make it. Checking for a name on the tag maybe, or wondering how they burned a little hole by one of the cuffs. In a way, then even the survivors who were consigned to oblivion in the void still live on in the memories of others. Even with no face and no name, they still have an echo, because there is a survivor who followed after who sometimes thinks of the unknown original owner of the jacket bringing them such comfort in this miserable world, and is grateful. They are remembered, and in a very real way, they are still helping others even in death by just having existed alone.

I like that idea a lot. Although, circling back to the Entity, while I don’t think it has the fundamental understanding or presence of mind to give new clothes (and if it did, I think it would probably create new things rather than dredge up remains of its old husks—it doesn’t care about them or their memory. It probably doesn’t even remember itself, bc it sucks >:-[ ), I could see it recreating a favorite outfit of their own from back home as a reward, if they were like, thinking on wishing they had it a lot already to kind of give the Entity the idea, and did something to earn them a big reward.

#ask #anonymous #dead by daylight #in living memory (fic) #in living memory #this one was fun and it made me sad :’ )

[bluejaysgonerogue]

I’m Sorry PT.2-Stucky x Reader

Read first part first!

Warning; Mentions of S***ide, cutting, extreme depression,

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3

Please, dive in.

—

I stop shading the background of a picture, looking up at the New York City Lights.

If you need me

Wanna see me

You better hurry

Cause I'm leaving soon

Sorry can't Save me now

Sorry I don't know how

Sorry there's no way out

But down

Mmm

Down

I skip the song, not wanting to think of jumping off this roof. I made them a promise, and I will keep that promise even if they hate me for it.

Promise us you won't ever die because you don't have us with you.

They had said those words with such seriousness as they sat with me on stools at the island. I had nodded my head, agree and telling them the same before we all kissed.

It's not true

Tell me I've been lied to

Crying isn't like you

Oh-oh-oh

I let a single tear fall down my cheek as I think of the pained looks they gave me. The first day I stopped sleeping with them, they looked so sad the next morning. When Steve had gone to pour my tea, he had found I had already finished the job. And added the cream Bucky usually drops in.

What the hell did I do?

Never been the type to

Let someone see right through

Oh-oh-oh

I had wiggled  out of their passionate hugs from behind, shrugged off their shoulder kisses. I stopped going to dinner, lunch and breakfast, residing with tony in his lab. Steve and Bucky took turns dropping off food, but I eventually stopped eating

Maybe won't you take it back

Say you were tryna make me laugh

And nothing has to change today

You didn't mean to say "I love you"

I love you and I don't want to

They had confronted me a week after I left their room, asking me what was wrong and cupping my face and kissing my head and face. I told them I had rethought a lot since I had died and that I wanted to play the field. So, after they had started to leave me alone, I'd go to bars and hookup and date people. They didn't matter- just greedy people who wanted the chance to be in Stark Tower with the Avengers. Hell, one idiot even tried to steal nats underwear, and he didn't leave without a limp and a dislocated shoulder.

Oh-oh-oh

Up all night on another red eye

I wish we never learned to fly

high

I had gone to LA for a few weeks, meeting youtubers who wanted to feature me in their videos. I dated a guy for a hot minute, posting only one video with him. We had gotten this idea to reenact cute couple photos. We did, he edited it and posted. I stalked the comments from my hotel room, seeing that the YouTube account Steve and Bucky had set up had commented a few paragraphs. The guys fans got really toxic and hated on stucky, some calling them fags. Ugh. I hate that word so much.

Maybe we should just try

To tell ourselves a good lie

I didn't mean to make you cry

In the airport, after my flight, tony had Happy drive me back. I, Of course, didn't know that Steve and Bucky we're having meltdowns in the back of the car. After about ten minutes, I practically forced happy to pull over and let me sit in the passenger seat up front. We had sat in silence as we listened to the sobs of my exes.

"Yknow, tony told me they had been crying the whole time you were gone." Happy had said when we were on a less crowded freeway.

“I know." I had said, while giving a blank stare out the window.

"Could you maybe-just maybe- try forgiving them? All they want is you kid."

"I know."

"Look, you don't get love like that. It's once in a lifetime sorta thing. You gotta stick with it when you got it, because you never know when you're going to loose them."

"Happy, look, I'm just in the way of their relationship. Once they get over it, I know they will be happier without me, eventually." I give him the first reason why I'm doing this.

"Okay kid. Okay."

Maybe won't you take it back

Say you were tryna make me laugh

And nothing has to change today

You didn't mean to say "I love you"

I love you and I don't want to

Bucky and I had to spar for fury. The man had us in minimal clothing for some goddamn reason. And we all know how hot Bucky is with no top on. So of course I let it slip.

“Heya Moss." Bucky called me by my last name, something he'd never done before.

"Hello Barnes." I usually called him Sarge or James. But never before has I called him Barnes. He looked pained, like a kicked puppy. I know I shouldn't've fallen for it, but I did.

"God I love you so much." I gave him a hug before realizing what I was going. I quickly pushed myself away, rushing out of the gym, out of the shield base, and out of New York. I took a plane out to Columbus Ohio for a change in scenery. Went and saw some local bands, ate some of the best Chinese ever, and had a lot of one night stands.

The smile that you gave me

Even when you felt like dying

We fall apart as it gets dark

I'm in your arms in Central Park

There's nothing you could do or say

I can't escape the way, I love you

I don't want to, but I love you

When I came back to the tower, Natasha had actually ambushed me with hugs. She held me close and pulled me towards Steve and Bucky's Room.

In fact, that's where I am right now. Standing outside their door with Natasha's arm around my shoulder. She knocks, getting a weak 'go away' in response.

"Cmon, Ash. Say something. Sing something, just do something. They've been doing horribly. They stopped eating when Bucky came back full out bawling and in tears after the sparring incident. The team doesn't know why you started avoiding those two. We all know how close you guys are.  Please ash they've been more miserable than I was after Clint." She stops for a moment. A vow she took to take a moment of silence after saying his name. "Please Ash. Say something to them. You're the only one they'll open the door to."

I look at her, a dumbfounded expression on my face.

"Nat, it's been three and a half months. They should be over me."

"Well, they aren't."

"Natasha, I don't deserve those angels. They're literal human gods. They're the perfect two people to be together. They're so compatible it's unbelievable. I throw that off nat. I throw off their relationship Becuase they feel like they can't just give each other attention, they have to give me attention too. Nat, I love those shïtheads more than I love the team. But, I hold them back. So I let them go. Natasha, it's 4 am, I just got away from some creepo who tried to take my uterus. I am not in the mood to deal with two crying men. Especially not the only two who I would actually cry for. So please, tell everyone to stop circling me in and let me go to my room." By now, all of the avengers, save tony, bucky, Steve and of course nat, has formed a circle around the door and me, all in full armor. Hell, Loki had created some fücking forcefield or something to keep me unable to go anywhere aside from inside that door.

"Ash, you have to pull your big girl panties up and admit that they can't function without you."

"They did just fine for a few months." I retort, staring Wanda and Natasha down.

"Loki, can your just pull them out? Or put her in there butt naked? Please?" Sam looks bored at this point, determined to get away from here and back onto his couch.

"Woah woah woah, no way in hell that is going to happen." I sigh, finally realizing they've cornered me. "Damn you guys are evil."

I turn to the door, putting my fingers on the glossy paint of the door. i let it rest there for a while, tears threatening  to fall down my face as my lip trembles.

"Say something I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one if you want me to. Anywhere I would've followed you." I finally let the tears fall, choking me as I sing the song they should be singing.

"Say something in giving up on you." I wait a second before continuing. "And I. Am feeling so small. It was over my head. I feel nothing at all."

I lean my forehead against the door, my breath fogging up the paint. "And I.  Will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love. Just starting to crawl." I really was new to love. They were my first real relationship, of course.

"Say something im giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere I would've followed you. Say something im giving up on you." Instead of the strong voices used in the recording, I use my head voice, softly as it cracks with my sobs.

"And I. Will swallow my pride. You're the ones that I love. But I'm saying goodbye." I fall to my knees, feeling the eyes of my teammates burning a hole in the door.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. And anywhere, I would have followed you. oh say something, I'm giving up on you" I'm starting to give up on them. Maybe they won't forgive me. Honestly, I wouldn't blame them if they never did. I'm a horrible person for what I did to them.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something" I just collapse against the door, my back and head falling against it. I cry, looking up at the grey ceiling. I stop singing, talking softly now. I know that if they tried, they could hear me.  "Say something"

"I'm so sorry. God I'm such a mess. I miss you guys. So much. I miss cuddling, I miss talking. I miss sleeping in between you two. I miss making you guys breakfast in bed in the rare occasion you guys weren't up before me. God I'm such a goddamned idiot. I'm so new to love. God, I've never let myself get this close to anyone before you two came along and crashed my party of one. God, I miss you two. So, so, so much. Y'know, Happy told me that you guys were miserable. God I'm so sorry I left you in the car. That should've done it. But it didn't. Because I'm the fücking idiot that I am and I took you two angels for granted." I pause, turning my torso to rest my hand on the doorframe. "God, I miss curling up in your tops, snuggling into your sweaters when I'm sick. I actually miss the empty feeling when you two are both gone on missions without me. I miss climbing into our closet and sitting on the floor between your clothes. I miss the sandalwood smell I get when Steve's been gone, and I miss the smell of cedar that becomes potent when Bucky gone alone.  I miss everything about you guys and I don't know how I'm still alive and here. I don't know why I haven't just jumped off the roof of this tower."

That's when it happens. The door flips open and my head is caught by a warm lap. I am pulled inside the dark, musty smelling room, the door slammed after I'm inside. I look at the guy who's lap I fell in, only to not recognize him.

"Who are you?" I ask after a quick look at his face. He has long, long deep blonde hair and an unkept and unforgettably long beard. His eyes are a dull blue, and his face is tear stained. I look around his neck, breathing in his scent. "Cedar... Wait Steve?" I look at him. He looks like shït. And he's just staring at me with a blank expression.

"Oh my god Steve are you okay? Have you even gotten up lately? Why are your eyes so dull, why'd you grow your beard out so long? Why haven't you cut your hair? Where's Bucky?" I ambush him with questions as I look his face over, taking it inbetween my hands and moving it around so I can inspect him.

"Wait Steve why are you wearing long-" I pause for a moment, realizing what I'm saying.  "Oh my god Steve no. God no. Please god please please please no tell me you didn't." He doesn't say anything, but the slight movement in his face tells me everything.

"Shit." I takes me a split second to trip his sleeves up, seeing the scars and lines of dried blood. They're deep, but healing well thanks to that serum. "You idiot. If it weren't for that serum you'd be dead and I couldn't yell at you for being so stupid. I mean, Nomad you at least took care of himself. Why'd you do that Steve? Why did you start-" I stop again, already knowing the answer. "Oh god I hate myself so much right now. What the hell is wrong with me. I can't even make up for the shit I've caused you. Damn I'm such a mess. Going around town and keeping beds warm. God I missed you Steve. I'm so sorry I'm such an idiot for leaving you two. I'm such a goddamned blind dense idiot-"

He cuts me off, pulling me to his chest and kissing my forehead. I let him sit there for a second, sighing as I finally feel at home. And then I remember.

"Bucky." I get up off of Steve, searching around the room for the brunette. My eyes sift through the piles of dirty clothes littering the floor. I rake through the closet before my eyes land on the bed.

"Dear god." I see him, gauze on his arm. He's collapsed in the bed, a pillow underneath his head and a blanket tucked around him. I rush over, jumping into the bed and inspecting him.

His arm is wrapped in bandages, his metallic arm slightly corroded. His eyes are staring at the ceiling, his mouth slightly ajar. "Steve?" He asks, low and slow. I let more tears fall from my eyes as I place my hand over his, lifting it to my lips.

"Oh god buck... I'm so sorry... I'm so, so, so, so sorry. God I'm such a fück up. I always leave you guys behind, letting you watch me from behind. What did I ever do to deserve you two... because I honestly don't. You two are angels in every way, and I'm the personification of hell... god Bucky why'd you do this..." his cuts are deeper than Steve's, almost to the bone. Most are healed over, the only fresh one on his upper bicep.

"Ash?" He asks, still not looking over. I let out a small cry, holding the back of his hand to my forehead. He moves his hand down, letting it rest on my cheek.

"Yeah baby?" He uses his hand to guide me above him. I can't stop the tears, hearing them hit the fabric as he moved me above him. His eyes are dull, blank, lifeless as they stare up at me. There's a small spark once his eyes focus, hope, before it fade away again.

"Is it really you this time?" He mutters, just loud enough for me to hear.

"Yeah. It's me. I promise buck. I promise I'm back home sarge. And I promise I'm never going to leave you two again." I give his forehead a light kiss before hugging him, my nose finding the crook of his neck. I feel Steve come and lay behind me, putting an arm around my waist lightly.

"Good." Bucky turns on his side facing me, his fleshy warm arm finding its way behind my lower back, pulling me closer to him. Steve shifts forward, placing a sweet kiss on my neck. Bucky pecks my lips before closing his eyes. After a few minutes I hear him and Steve lightly snoring. I open my eyes to see Bucky looking peaceful for, which I would later find out, the first time in a long time.

|—☆—|

I wake up, a soft light seeping in through the curtains. I try to roll over, only to be stopped by two pairs of hands.

"Oh no, you're staying right here." Bucky's husky morning voice breaks the silence as I huff back down onto the covers. He smiles, his sunken eyes and pale face making me frown slightly.

I pull Bucky closer to me, Steve groaning slightly at more movement. "Go back to sleep babe..." he mumbles, pulling me closer to his chest.

"How can I? You two are too cute to miss a second of taking in those features." I smile as I brush my fingers over his beard. I kiss his forehead, smiling before turning to Bucky.

"Wait... how come Buck doesn't have a beard?" I ask, brushing my fingers along his stubble. He looks me in the eyes, a warm, comforting feeling falling over me.

"I remembered how you said you like me clean shaven... so I shave." He says, a smirk on his face as he scoots closer to me and Steve.

"Ok mister crowd pleaser." I give him a quick kiss, nestling myself closer to him and Steve.

|—☆—|

It took us literally until 1 in the afternoon to want to get up.

Steve has left first, going to the bathroom and taking a shower. Bucky followed close behind, then I joined him the the shower and helped him wash his hair. They had already gotten dressed in simple jeans and T-shirt's, now cleaning up some of the messes they made.

I look down at myself. I'm wearing a pair of black cotton leggings, converse, yet I have no top on. Then it hits me. 'Bucky's sweaters!' I walk over to the dresser, reaching down to open the sweater drawer before I suddenly stop.

"Maybe they don't want me to wear them right now..." I breathe out, letting my hand fall by my side. I mean, I did leave them. And return their sweaters. I mean, I know that they used to love me in them, and I love wearing them becuase they smell like  Steeb and buck, but may-

"Go on ash." Bucky's smooth voice rings throughout the room, interrupting my inner conflict.

I freeze for a second, suddenly having difficulty breathing at the same rate. I slowly turn around, letting my head fall to the side as my face contorts into a confused jumble of anxiety and fear. 

"Wha...?" I let the word slip out of my mouth, my breathing hitching.

"Go on doll. Take a sweater or two." He smiles, using the pet name he gave me when we first met.

I stand, my arms against the bar as I look out into the ensemble of people. A man with brown hair, with strikingly blue eyes sits next to me, getting a beer from the bartender.

"Hello doll. Why are you alone on such a night?" He asks, a small smirk gracing his angelic features.

"Well, some boys cheat and don't cover it up too well." I say, looking out around the crowd before watching my ex, Conrad, dancing with some blonde chick in a skimpy dress.

After a second, the man breaks the comfortable silence. "Ah, so he's a disloyal idiot then."

I turn my head to him, tilting my head to the side and back as my eyebrows furrow together. "I beg your pardon?"

"Well, doll, any guy who get with you should stay loyal no matter what." He smiles as he sips his beer. "You're cute, and I can tell your Smart, witty, and filled with some sort of fire inside you."

"Well, it's nice to meet you sir. Names Ash. Ashlynd Moss." I smile, extending a hand to him.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Ash. I'm James." A metal arm reaches out to bring my hand up to his lips. I look at the small amount of the arm that is exposed, infatuated with the intricacy of it- even from a distance. He pulls his hand away quickly, moving it behind his back. "I-I'm sorry about that..."

"No no no, please it's nothing. In fact," I use my left hand to break the seal of the silicone on my hand. I pull the rubbery material off, sliding off the sleeve aswell. "I know exactly how you feel."  I let my metallic Vibranium appendage shine between us. (It starts in the middle of the lower half of her arm)

"Wow, that's beautiful doll."

I smile at Bucky, turning and opening the drawer. I take out his biggest, fluffiest blue and red sweater, pulling it on. The neckline falls off my shoulder and the hem is at my mid thigh, but I love it.

"Thank you James." I smile, raising the sleeve to my nose to let the sandalwood invade my lungs. I go over and sit between Steve and Bucky, leaning my head on Steve shoulder.

We sit in silence for a while, just looking at each other and kissing lightly. I stare down at my right hand for a while, contemplating if I should take off the cover or not.

"Oh fuck it." I say internally, egging myself on. I push up on the latex, breaking the seal. My hand pulls at each of the fingers, breaking the suction between the metal the the fleshy material. I pull lightly on the bottom of the sleeve before pushing it down from above.

"Ash, why?" Steve mutters, both his and Bucky's eyes burning into my back.

"Because, I except you guys fully for who you are, and you do the same, then why should I have to hide this huge part of myself?" I turn around and look at him and Bucky. I give them a small smile, getting big goofy ones in return.

"It isn't a huge part of you ash." Steve says, nuzzling into my neck.

"Steve, I lost a third of my arm. That's a huge part of me." I roll my eyes, kissing the top of his head.

"Physically, Maybe it's a huge part of you, but emotionally? No. It's not a part of who you are Ashlynd. It's something that made you who are today.

"Steve, I lost my arm to a red room newbie. That's despicable. I had finished the graduation ceremony, and the kid came up, broke my bone clean and ripped the flesh off." I look down at the fingers. Flexing them in and out.

"Maybe that did happen doll, but it doesn't mean anything." Bucky kisses my cheek. "You're still the best girl out there."

"So you're saying I can't beat you or clint?" I smile quietly as I say these words, leaning away from Steve to look Bucky in the eye.

“No." Bucky takes my metal hand in his, stroking it lightly. "But I am saying you're better than Natasha. At least."

[mytrashs-blog]

Alter Ego ch. 3 “Ipsum Invenies”

Spideychelle, Peter Parker x Reader, slow burn fic, Enhanced reader.

Word Count: 2,158

Warnings: PTSD, nightmares, police being assholes, victim blaming. Mentions of rape and traumatic experiences

Summary: “When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.”

A/N: third chapter already! I’m really enjoying writing this and believe me that the plot thickens a lot more in the next chapter, but I would love it if you reblogged this if you enjoyed it, because it gets sad when I spent so long writing just for it to get only likes. Anyways, the taglist is still open, and just one ask away. Hope you enjoy this :) xx

Ch. 2 “Organorum” Ch. 4 “Perficiendi”

“You’re not gonna believe this.” you look at your roomate and you can’t believe it yourself, she looks at you corncerned, but she follows when you start walking towards your room. The apartment is made of two rooms, one bathroom and a small kitchen that’s right by the living room, there’s not that much space, but the five steps it took to get to your room door gave you enough time to think about the next thing you’d say: “Okay, you know how almost all the Avengers and superheores these days got their “special abilities” out of some kind of experiment, right? Like, Captain America is strong and super hot because of the weird thing they did to him during World War II, and the same with Winter Soldier. And then Scarlett Witch also got experimented on and stuff, you follow?”

“Yes, but what are you on about? Are you gonna call your parents or not?”

“Okay, so when the uber dropped me, tied and naked in the middle of fucking nowhere, assuming I was dead, someone took me as a lab rat. I woke up in a lab-like bed and they injected some shit on me and it basically made me feel like they set my veins on fire. Then I fainted and they dropped me in a lake because they thought I was dead, but I wasn’t. And I got out of the water. I untied myself and got out of the lake. They did took me to the hospital and they did give me some IV stuff, but when I got there I didn’t have any bruises or wounds or scars from any encounter I faced. And this morning the thing with the lady happened and… Oh my god… I think I…”

“Did you become a superhuman?”

“I think so” You reply while you look at your hands, anxious to unveil exactly what your new abilities are. “Let’s see, we know I might heal fast, I have a danger sensor, the world looks a lot wider and all my senses are like 10 times more intense… how do I know what else is going on?”

“Do you wanna google Superheroes and their super powers?” your roomie asks while taking her phone out.

“Yes, brilliant idea!” You reply as you get closer to her to take a look at her phone screen. The results end up being written down in a list. You get rid of the obvious ones like Ironman, who doesn’t actually have powers, or Thor who is an actual God. Once you get to the enhanced people, the party begins, it’s a funny and interesting scene.

“So Captain Great Ass has over developed muscle tissue and brain, which means he’s like super strong and intelligent… What can you lift to test your strenght?” She says while looking around the room. “Lift the bed.”

“I’ve always been able to lift that.” You’re looking for something harder. “Let’s see if I can lift one of the cars outside!” you suggest while looking at the widow.

“Don’t you care about being seen? I mean, some super people like to keep their identity hidden.”

“Oh, c’mon! I might not even be able to lift it.” But you could, as if it was not heavier than your matress, you lifted the car and you placed it back down before losing your mind. Neither you or your roomie could believe what was going on.

And your day was spent like that until you came up with the definitive list of abilities you possess now. You realized you share a lot of powers with Spider-man: super strenght, adhesive fingertips, the danger sense that made you feel the lady was in risk was very similar to his spider sense and it’s the same that made all of your normal senses shoot up, but besides all that, you also have some hyper flexibility, a slight super speed, and some kind of mind control, but you didn’t get too far with that because it gave you and your roomie a terrible headache.

“Are you finally going to call your parents?” She asks as she hands you a pill for the headache, though it was already going away, you take the pill hoping it’d give you the will of facing your parents and telling them what happened to you, but frankly, it isn’t a thing you wanna talk about with anbody.

“I guess I have to, but I really don’t know what to say.” You put your head in your hands to hide the tears welling up in your eyes, you try to even your breathing to not break in front of her.

“Start by telling them you’re alive and fine. You’ll tell them the rest when you feel ready.” She puts her phone in front of you, you take it and dial your house land line number. It doesn’t take long until someone picks up and you hear your mother’s voice.

“Hello.” She says and immediately, the tears start falling down your eyes uncontrollably, you hadn’t realized just how much you needed to hear your mother’s voice.

“M-mom…” you sob out.

“(Y/N), my little girl, tell me it’s actually you, please.” She says and she’s crying too.

“Yes mom, it is me. I’m fine, I’m home now. I woke up in a hospital, but Sebastian helped me, I’m fine.”

“Oh, (Y/N)! My little girl! I’m so happy to hear you alive and fine. The police told us they were trying to find the body, said there was no chance for you to still be alive, but they were wrong, they were wrong in not trying to find the bastard that did this to you, but God sees everything and he’ll put them in their place. My little girl, I love you so much!”

“I love you too, mom… wh- what do you mean they’re not looking for the driver?”

“No, when we went to press the charges, they turned it around to us, they said a woman had no place being out so late, much less wearing short shorts and thin shirt, that maybe you were asking for it, they said you have a reputation in uni of dating around and they decided it was your fault you got what happened to you.” Your blood boils, not because they said all that about you, but becuase you’ve heard the same crap before, with every case of someone gone missing it was always because they were in the wrong path, they were drinking or doing drugs, they were women traveling by themselves, they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or they were simply racially profiled. It was never the agressor’s fault, it was always the victim’s responsability. And your parents had to listen to all that bullshit, only because some people are too lazy to do their job.

After making sure that both your mother and father believe you that you’re okay and very much alive in your apartment, you hang up and got out of the place. Your roomate was probably off watching some movie in her room so she didn’t hear you come out. You walk as far as you can, you’re mad, but these new abilities give you a new hope, you might be able to do something with this. Not doing so would give that uber driver and many more perverts free passage to keep abusing inoccent people like you, but it’s not like you can just walk into his house and punch him with your brand new super strenght, because to start with, you don’t even know where he lives, plus you gotta protect yourself now, because what if you go around flaunting your new powers and the people that put them there find you? They’re not the kindest people judging by their modus operandi. Would they come to find you and finish what they started?

You get back home a little before midnight, you walk in peacefully, your roomate sitting in a chair in front of the only table of the apartment.

“Where were you? You can’t keep dissapearing like that, you don’t even have a phone and I really don’t wanna go through the same shit I did two weeks ago.”

“Believe me, I share the feeling more than anyone. I was walking… thinking. You can’t tell anyone about my powers, I have to go back to my normal life with the least amount of fuss posible. I have a plan to go after that bastard driver, but he can’t know it’s me… I need a suit… and to learn how to use all I’ve got.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I don’t want anyone to live through the shit show I had to live through, because it is a fucking hell, Lexi!”

“So what? You’re gonna dress up and go after criminals just like that? You’re crazy if you think I’m gonna allow that, you can’t put yourself at risk like that! You might be very strong and you might be able to stick to walls and all that shit, but you’re not bulletproof, you might get killed. What am I gonna tell your parents? I already had to tell them you might be dead once, I don’t want to tell them for sure that you are!”

“Lexi… I’m not gonna go find him today. I have to train or something. I don’t know how to fight and I don’t know how to control everything I can do, I’ve gotta get used to my new way of perceiving the world and I need a plan. And I might not be bulletproof, but I can make a suit that is, or that at least can put up a fight.”

“(Y/N) are you even listening to yourself? You want to go find some crazy dude that raped you, tortured you, assumed you were dead and dumped you in the middle of nowhere like garbage! You really wanna go after him?

“He didn’t assume I was dead, he did kill me in a way… and I want to avenge the part of me that died tied, naked and humiliated in the dirt, because aparently the justice system in this country won’t do it, you understand? My country didn’t give one single fuck about my wellbeing, to them I deserved to end up like that for going out at night in shorts!” You don’t know how or when you started crying, but the tears felt hot against your skin with uncontrolable sobs and memories you’d rather block from your mind. Lexi, your roomate hugs you and caresses your hair until you relax a little.

“If you have to do this, I’ll help you.”

“Thank you.”

…

Peter had made some progress in his research, had a few leads to follow, this was not the only case, there were some cases going all the way to Mexico with the same characteristics, and there was a full investigation that linked that to one of the most important mafias in the world, but nobody ever knows where they’re located, they have people all over the world, Peter can’t simply drop everything and follow some mafia all around the world, he’s in his senior year of high school, he’s graduating soon, he has MIT to worry about now, plus his relationship with MJ is going steady and they’re going to prom together. He can’t just walk away from all this to put himself at risk of being killed by a mafia so big that is all over the globe, but if he tells Mr. Stark he might end up taking his suit again.

Why not tell him anyway? He can come up with a good excuse as to why or how all this information ended in his hands, he’s a teenger in the 21st century, tech and information are one touch away, right?

“KAREN call Mr. Stark, would you?”

“Calling Tony Stark.” and just a few rings later, Tony answered the phone.

“What’s up, kid?”

“Hi Mr. Stark, I wanted to tell you about some stuff that I read and that I thought you might find interesting, I think it’s got something to do with the experiments.”

“How did you find that?”

“I was doing this essay for my Spanish class and this popped up. I wanted to show it to you in case you want to go do some research to Mexico or something, because I obviously can’t go because I have… homework.” this causes Mr. Stark to giggle, but he didn’t say anything, when the call ended Peter sent all his info, but he still couldn’t stop thinking about the whole matter, how it wouldn’t take long to reach other parts of america, they might be making their way to the south if they already reached mexico, he doesn’t want them to reach any other country. No one has to die anymore.

-

Taglist: @caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki 

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanart #tom holland x reader #tom #holland #peter #peter parker #peterparker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fanart #peter parker x reader #spider-man #spiderman #spidey #spider man #spiderman homecoming #spiderverse #spider son #spideychelle #marvel #MCU #mcuedit #marvel mcu #mcufam

[fisherfurbearer]

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

#jjst...ffeels like shes violating somethingg #and treating me a LOT like how my abusive mother used to treat me #why are you CRYING? you cant be trying here. this is a BUSINESS. #is a lot like Why Do You look so MISERABLE all the time?? why are you CRYING?? #and shit like IGNORING ME when i try to change my hours #straight up ignoring me #she basically made it clear shed rather me QUIT than fuckingg chop 2 hours off my AVAILABILITY #ITS SO FRUSTRATING #AND SHES SUCH A HYPROCRITE #scheduled 7-2 every sunday!! #yet you cant change my availability to 7-7?? #you NEED ot keep it until 9??? #but working until 9 and getting home around 10 and getting no sleep because i need to take care of my pets and myself #and get up at 5:30 the next morning for work at 7 #WHEN THAT COULD EASILY BE ALTERED BY CHIPPING A COUPLE HOURS OFF MY AVAILABILITY #AND MY DOCTOR ALSO THINKS I NEED TO CHANGE IT TOO #BUT WHO FUCKING CARES RIGHT ITS A BU S I N E S S #SURE SURE BUT WHEN A CUSTOMER FLIPS THE SIGN ON A $7.94 SHIRT #TO SAY 0.94 CENTS #WITH THE CENTS SIGN!!!! #THEN I HA V E TO HONOR IT #THATS A+ BUSINESS RIGHT THERE #BITCH DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO APPROVE A COUPON ON SLEF CHECKOUT!!!! #AND OUR FRICKING STORE MAANGER MAKES TRIPLE FIGURES!!! #BUT NO ONE FUCKINGG CARES #NO ONE FUCKING CARES #I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMOREE #id dont want to have to lose my job and stability over this one person #but this isntt...ok #i shouldnt have to go to work and deal with MORE emotional abuse

[quackspot]

Every single one of the talk about meme questions. Just kidding, pick any 6 you wanna do

m gona do whatever i can talk about bc i like to talk about myself

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

getting addicted to th internet but of course i wouldn’t be here but i would likely be better off socially .  or maybe just being born as i am sometimes i think about how if i were born male things would be Much better for me like socially n stuff like that.. sometimes i jut wish i coud chest bump and cheer with friends n goof around and be crazy yeah i can be like that but it’d feel kind of weird (or just weird at first)

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.

one year i got a club penguin membership and i was in chuck e cheeses and then another year completely different but me n some friends played a game called body body in my house and it was fun

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.

i dont think i did anything for my birthday last year so like oop

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

my forehead or my height

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

im pretty proud of my art and writing!! 

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my body is very cool i like how my hair bounces when i walk because of how i walk and how my hair curls in towards my face (kind of)

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.

probably a video game one to be honest.  cant really recall. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.

i’ve had some weird dreams like when i stole the side of a locker and ran from some guy but i was late for the bus so i put the side back and it was all ok then uhhhhh one where people were doing like cheer leader pyramids and i think some dude named craig from dream daddy was there i cant quite remember if that’s the guy who was there i just remember being like “FSKLJFLKJKLF CRAIG DREAM DADDY WAS IN MY DREAM”

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.

i went to someone’s house and i kicked a tree stump then bees chases me and i dont remember much else about it it was in like 3rd grade

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

bottom

14: Talk about a vacation.

i went to florida in 6th grade for a week and i loved it very much i got a wand (and a wand ceremony >:) )

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

never

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

in like 4th grade someone told me someone else had a crush on me and i was like “ohhhhh yeah that kind of makes sense” and i just felt awkward around him since i didnt like him back 

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

OHOSHOSHODHSOHOEHO HO O O O N N NN N  THE BUSS!!! I met a good friend and the first words i said to her were something like “hi i have social anxiety” and she was like “me too!!!” hten we were friends and then i went to another school in 8th grade and we never talked ever again and im in 10th grade now o-o

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

last year i went to the bathroom and said “let there be light” while walking in and hte lights came on

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

also last year someone who i considered like somewhat close friend (we dont talk anymore sadly he had fun games? i dunno he was rich and white and yeah he was fun to hang out with n stuff) and he asked me if i wanted to be his gf and i was like “nahh hahaha im not ready for that kind of thing” and i didnt like him that way also it was during challenge day aka  a day where people came in and were like “man we all sad let’s hug :)”

22: Talk about your worst fear.

either bugs or the horrifying fear of hte unknown and growing up

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

cant get turned down if you’ve only asked 1  person if you’d like to get together twice and they said yes both times but you started thinking you weren’t right for them then broke up B)

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

someone i’ll call m&m because she didn’t like being called that uhh she was rather rude and had a trampoline and 2 dogs and was pretty bossy i guess

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.

literally nothign new i just do what i do but maybe actually just. yeah thts basically what i did recently i had a stuffy nose and like mucus or something in my mouth and it’s still like that but the only thing i really changed was nasal spray ! i use that at night but i might stop soon since im feeling better

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

it depends on how you die. there’s probably like the last moments and then nothing. nobody knows what happens next. you might get revived or you might just be nothing forever and that’s rather scary to me

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

i remember my first house i lived in and i walked back home from elementary school and it was cool

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

tell myself “hey stop being sad” or cry if im alone 

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.

MY LEGS TODAY WERE GUCKNVIGTIORJ LKEKL JRIOFDJKLSAJIDFKEDSL ohh wait worst ok

so it was a period pain and i was on my bed and i was crying and i was curled up and a thught appeared in my head.... “what if i drew a pentagram on my hand?” because jamie said that brought her luck and i was like “fuck it might as well try it” so then i had a pentagram on my hand and satan didn’t help me with period cramps

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

stop being nervous abt talking to people i guess lol. . . . making friends hard if u cant say hi 

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

my little pony n stuff sometimes i just watch kids shows when im bored

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

idk i dont think i’ve truly fallen in love but im sure i was in love with kiley at least a little bit 

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

when i first listened to melancholy blues i thought of sparkling cookie i know he’s not real but songs don’t remind me of real people

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.

golden birthdays because my golden birthday was when i was 5  actually theyre nothing special but.. .  still wig

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

we dont have fishies anymore and that’s becuase we have a dog and a cat now :(((( miss u fish....... 

#Anonymous

[ralfstrashcan]

3x19 Reaction / Commentary

I didn't even skip breakfast today, it's almost as if I'm a real functioning adult ahahaha.

SDFALFJSKLDFJASDF I'M ALREADY A MESS

Ngl those first few shots made me think I had fallen headfirst into a zombie apocalypse movie. Wind swooshing through the speakers, no living soul in sight, no cars driving, just Magnus walking along the street, on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams hahahahaha sorry I'll stop.

Wow what a jerk.

There's been so many hilarious jokes about the “What fool summoned you” line, and my favorite one will forever remain this.

So, points to Magnus for asking, minus points for buying this shit not-sound-at-all story. Even “fatherly love” can't just screw the laws of nature, okay, Magnus shouldn't just skim over this. Then again I can definitely cut him slack on this because he is a little preoccupied with other problems at the moment.

Listen, Magnus's body language throughout this whole scene (and also throughout the sneak peek we saw for 3x20) is so expressive. Imma skim over it because I plan to do a thorough Relationship / Scene Analysis for Magnus and Asmodeus, so let me just leave this picture here uncommented.

No wait, I have a question. Isn't Magnus's magic occupied with guarding Lilith's home? Did Asmodeus pick it up before summoning himself or did he call it just now? Also, does Asmodeus know that Lilith is on the loose? Then again, is she even? Because no Shadowhunter can be bothered to look for her and she did say that she wanted to go back to Edom... but that was probably a lie to get Cain to cooperate. And how could she even send herself back to Edom? So many questions. Anyway moving on because who cares about Lilith.

Magnus's face when he gets his magic back. ....................yes I have no witty words here, sorry.

Lol okay I have. I love this scene, I absolutely LOVE Magnus's face and how expressive it is, but I've also been dreaming of an epic eye-sparkling, energy-crackling mid-battle-scene where Magnus regains his magic for uhhhh almost a year now, and in terms of dramatic-ness this was pretty anti-climactic. And I think we can agree he won't lose his magic again and then get it back in a more dramatic fashion. Also where are his cat eyes I feel cheated.

I mean, come on, even he gets to show them!! Btw what a dick cunning move to use them to manipulate Magnus. Since they made a compelling argument the first time around.

Also LOL Asmodeus playing nice for one second and when Magnus denies him he immediately shows his hand with “I won't take no for an answer.” Man has no patience XD

Finally I wanna give a huge HUGE shout out to Magnus for resisting Asmodeus becuase can you even imagine how low he must be feeling and yet he has enough presence of mind left to realize that whatever comfort Asmodeus offers can't be true, there must be a hook and it's best to stay away. Dude what strength.

“I only lost sight of her for a minute.” “Enough time for the Evil Rune to have taken hold.”

Uuuhhhh since when?? Did they also go to the bathroom together before?? Did I miss that?? I mean, sure, Clary was drifting sometimes, but she spent a whole half episode in the same cell as Jonathan with Jace “away” behind the glass wall and out of her sight, so...... yeah. This is a little sudden.

She keeps saying that but we have yet to see her actually filter anything. #nofilter

“No one can hurt us if we get to Morning Star first. And once we have that sword the entire world will be terrified of us....”

So he wants that evil sword not to open a rift but to keep the NY Shadowhunters off his back so he can live his life in peace. I-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g.

Yes, good. Finally learned your lesson.

.............Or not??? I mean it's not like Clary pretended to be on his side before, to lull him into a false security and gain the upper hand. Why would he fall for it now? Because he acts like Jace is the only risk factor here, and Clary is of course truly and wholly on his side. I mean, true, the circumstances are different since she freed him and all, but like. Guy must have trust issues by now. Where are they.

Also

he should start a self help group with Alec hahahahahaha *weeping*

Me, waiting for the next episode of Shadowhunters. (Also I just noticed Simon says “me neither” not “mine neither” so it sounds as if he's not Izzy's thing, either and LOL I couldn't agree more ahahaha.)

Uh-huh, I agree. Perfect timing. I mean, it's not like there was a glaring 98% there earlier, and as if he didn't have plenty of time before to bring this unfortunate line of conversation up. This is on you, Simon. Don't blame the filtering.

HAHAHA ASK ALEC, HE'S GOING TO THROW IT AT HIM HAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously though. Just, uh, crush it into powder, add some saline solution, done. And I'm not even a scientist. This is intuitive. The heck.

I'm 1000000% on board with all of this, okay. Over excited Alec is the best Alec. Handholding is the best. Magnus's weariness of surprises is headcanon confirmed. Yes to all of it.

So there were a few lines that were widely interpreted as allusions to their kinky sex life and tbh I never bought any of it because I thought it was seeing too much where there was nothing, but this is so very obviously meant in a kinky way that I'll accept it. Another headcanon confirmed ahahaha this episode is so generous to me.

Ugh I'm so gonna have to write something about that. And knowing myself, it'll be sad closeted Alec daydreaming of all the things he can never have.

Question time, what are those weird rivets thingies? Do they hold any meaning? Is their placement of importance? Because they look very deliberate and very there. I'm confused.

Also, this scene was designed to drive me crazy. There's 7 different shots where we see the lock's placement and there are no less than 3 (!!!!!) different placements. Placement #1, #3 and #5 are consistent (though really, #1 and #5 shouldn't even count because they are clearly the same shot, just with Magnus's hand reaching for the lock) on the left side of the yellow lock, to the bottom left of the Dips lock.

Then we see Alec placing it in an empty compartment at the very edge of the construction (placement #2), only for it to be on the compartment below that in the next shot (placement #4), sharing space with a little gray-blueish lock. This is the same place from where Magnus removes it then (placement #6).

I hate inconsistencies, okay, and I really did notice all this the first time watching. I can't not-see stuff like this. The only fun that comes out this detail obsessiveness is the lock that clearly ships Captain America and Captain Marvel (left) and the lock that was placed from two years in the future (right) because ahahahaha did the show forget it takes place in 2016?? It would seem so.

And yes, I chose to focus on this instead of the fact that Magnus incinerates their lock because that hurts my heart too much to think about, okay. That scene was perfect, the music swelling in all the right places and just. So heart-wrenching. I might've teared up a little. You can't prove anything.

Why she not removing those paper thingies? Seems impractical.

Paint on face trope? Check.

Yeah Raphael, lemme pay you some respect for facing your mistakes like that. I like it a lot.

Istg if they don't give him GPS this time and just rely on the tracking rune again, which Jonathan and Clary will insist he blocks, then imma flip my shit.

.......................so many fanfics want to be written here, okay. So many.

Also is no one gonna talk about the fact that they all put the ring on the pointer when that's not the intuitive position to place a ring? For security reasons alone you should put it on your middle finger so it doesn't accidentally slip off. Oh right, I forgot. Magic ring.

I love how Alec's voice wavers and you just know he sends Jace away because he'll start crying if he doesn't (even if in this screen cap Alec looks weirdly happy). Btw headcanon that Jace didn't realize something was up at first and was only tipped off when Izzy asked earlier if Alec was okay, and then he prodded at the parabatai connection and realized... there was nothing. Just a solid wall of nothing, because Alec's been sealing off his feelings completely.

1) Wow, Simon, your condolences are amazing. 2) Please, explain? Is she in a coma? Walking around as if she'd had a lobotomy?? But whatever, just skim over this, she's a minor character anyway and nobody cares about her *shrug*

This is the LAZIEST plot convenience I ever had to see with my own two eyes. I really can't work up the energy to rage about this. Just, wtf. Then again, not calling ahead with vital information seems to be Luke's Thing, just remember the 3x15 disaster. At this point it might as well be considered a character trait of him and no longer plot convenience. *sigh* Also, Shadowhunters are major creeps, am I supposed to believe they don't have a few liters of all of their soldiers' blood stored away somewhere, for reasons?

Uh-huh, Izzy. And if you care to remember, that was about 20 episodes ago. And since vampires have a constant craving for blood they seem to have some kind of metabolic. If you want to tell me that Jace's blood is still IN Simon, then either a) he's been chipping away at the Jace-blood-stash he has hidden in his second gastric and if that runs out he'll no longer be a daylighter or b) Jace's blood went into Simon's cells and changed him on a molecular level..... in which case, to extract it they'd have to remove it, un-daylighter-ing Simon in the process. Or maybe just parts of him? Imagine if he was a daylighter except for his left arm or something. In any case, this is majorly ridiculous and I can't believe I have to suffer through this.

????????????? Who opened that portal? I mean, if he had to call on a warlock to get away, wouldn't it have been easiser for Izzy and Co. to stop him from running through that portal and make him donate some blood first? Instead of forcing this bullshit logic on me? Ugh. But I get it, this is necessary to justify a Sizzy scene. Whatever.

Hahahhahha.

Which means nothing, since Jace can activate his runes without his stele. Or did they forget that part again?? I mean, it's been half a season since he last did that.

“And if it wasn't for our connection I suspect you'd do it again.”

lolololol hilarious.

HAHHAHA WILL YOU STOP WITH THE HILARITY

Honestly, the way they all act I get the distinct feeling I'm watching an exasperated kindergartener and two particularly clingy toddlers vying for her attention XD

Uuuuhhhh yeah hit me with more Malec Flashbacks to make me feel shitty, why don't you.

Okay, consoled. Btw thanks for confirming another headcanon that between the two of them Magnus is the one easier swayed by puppy eyes.

HAHAHAHA of course my mind immediately interpreted that as a misguided pun about Magnus being a Prince of Edom hahahaa wtf Alec

Dammit, his eyes. You can really see how he's allowing himself to start dreaming about it.

Also, can't believe they had a kiddie talk with at least some seriousness, what, two months into their relationship?? Haha. And internally Madzie was like “Uh boring grown up talk, at least I got my sprinkles.”

See, this is what I have problems with. On the one hand, even with all his emotional turmoil going on, Magnus is still enough in his right mind not to fall for Asmodeus's sweet talking, but on the other hand he revisits all of those memories and doesn't realize Alec breaking up with him can't have been real? This doesn't really add up. Either he is out of his mind with emotions that he can't see this very very strange happening for being something fishy (then he shouldn’t have been able to so easily resist Asmodeus), or he's still level-headed enough not to be driven by emotions entirely (then he should have realized the breakup was fake).

toddler fight intensifies

I'M WHEEZING HAHAHAHAHAHAH R U FOR REAL. Also remember my statement from last week? Where I said “I mean, in a way it's nice to know that Demonic Clary isn't smarter than Regular Clary.” Turns out she's so much worse than Regular Clary XD

Lol Raphael is that still you talking or the Plot Point? Because ngl, when I saw that sneak peek promo thingy where Jordan eyes the dramatically last vial of serum in the Institute I immediately thought they want to cook up a conflict there, where he steals the last vial needed to help save Clary and bla bla bla. I really hope they don't go down that road because I feel he should be better than this by now. *sigh* In any case, while I enjoyed the first part of this plot line with Raphael coming here to make reparations, this feels really forced and convenient.

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SIMON FOR ASKING THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS WTF I NEED ANSWERS

Wow can't believe they pulled this obvious and clearly unfitting parallel to Sizzy. I mean, Simon lost his glasses back in S1 and even before that Izzy noticed he was hot in like ep 2. She's been appreciating him as a friend since at least 2B if not sooner. So please don't pretend that she just didn't notice what a great guy he is, because she did. She knows he's someone you can count on, who's there when you need him, with advice or a joke or just to listen to you. She knows all this, and has for seasons. But, surprise surprise, you don't fall in love with everyone who's a great guy and a good friend. That is a thing. Friendships are a thing. Anyway, at least I can wholeheartedly agree that in any possible scenario Izzy is the hot girl XD

HAHAHA JACE THAT'S PAYBACK FOR ALL THOSE TIMES YOU INTERRUPTED MALEC HAHA KARMA IS A BITCH RIGHT

.......or just use glamors to look like Downworlders. Just saying.

Jonathan using the cuts to get a secretive chest grab in on Jace, but I know all those sleazy tricks and you can't slip that feel-up past me #busted

*weeping tears* yeah, and he'll never get the real deal. what a tragedy.

“...the Downworlder club. I think the runes front and center on my neck make a compelling argument, don't you agree?” Also the foreboding background music totally spoiled this 'twist.' (I'm using ''s because it was totally obvious this wouldn't work.)

Look I just love Alec, okay. I LOVE ALEC.

*waves hand* elite guard *waves hand some more* blue mark on his neck *smacks self in the face with waving hand* look i'm pretty sure Meliorn doesn't have a mark like this and he's like, the only Seelie that gets regular screen and talking time with the queen. But I'm way too behind schedule to start looking into it, I might edit something in here later (or never ahahaha).

OH DEAR THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

YES YES YES PLEASE

DUUUUDE WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM IDEAS WHAT THE HELL

Also, remembering that short sequence of Magnus shooting red magic at his temples from the promo doesn't bode too well for the rest of the episode. Dammit.

You had one job, Lindsay. One. Job. (Yes, please imagine the Loki Gif here. I just love him a lot, okay. Loki <3<3<3)

(^pls imagine her little disenchanted headshake because any screen caps I tried to take made her look drugged out of her mind lol.)

Yep, this is it. This is it.

Sooooo.... how exactly did they persuade the bouncer? Just curious.

HAHAHAAHAH duuuuuude hahahhaa.

........when exactly did Jonathan spy all that? I mean, I've been having questions about the pacing since that ep with the Baby Jonathan Flashbacks, because that manibus whatever demon? Referring to 2x05. So Jonathan only got to earth after that? Howwww? Not thanks to Valentine, right, since he didn't even know Jonathan existed until 2x15 where Jonathan intercepted him from his portal to Idris? And didn't they say Sebastian Verlac disappeared half a year ago?? How does that all match up?

In any case, I feel like the seelie queen suddenly having a warlock boy toy who she can't order into her realm and who she has monthly scheduled appointments with that the whole shadow world knows about is a) totally absurd b) pretty ooc for her and c) reeking of plot convenience. They just couldn't find a better excuse for her to be at a certain place at a certain time. They should have made her attend a fashion show, or hell, a gardening contest. Would have been more credible than whatever this is.

“I grab the queen. Clary portals the three of us away.” “The four of us, including the queen.”

HAHAHHAHAHHA I CAN'T XD XD XD #slightly consoled

WHEN THE HELL DID JONATHAN READ / WATCH THE SHINING ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW WTF!!!!!

1) This doesn't work in real life. Do you have any idea how much time it takes to catch a snow flake or a raindrop this way? I know because I've tried, and the anwer is ages. 2) Seems a very uneconomical way to distrubute drugs. Whoever invented that business model must be in deep depts by now. 3) What kind of shitty plan was that on Jonathan's part? Get Jace on drugs, he'll surely expose himself to be a traitor? I hate the fact that it works. I hate that everyone's shitty plans always work (re: Sizzy's dilettantish prison infiltration) because that's why they all keep making shitty plans. Positive reinforcement and all that. The only one who always gets punched in the face for making okay-to-good plans is Alec, and that's why he's the overthinker. So unfair.

“Well this is awkward because I just stole it for you.”

So frakkin predictable. Also, how did he steal it from the table when Izzy and Simon where guarding it?? It clearly was still there when Maia left and like

Did Jordan just grab it and run? So many questions.

Don't get me wrong, that whole forging the sword sequence was super badass, but like, if you're wielding scorching hot metal it seems a little impractical to just wear security goggles and a leather apron. There were freaking sparks flying and Izzy ducked. What the hell. What about, idk, unconventional but, a protective suit?? And Simon isn't any better. “Oh, I could die from this sword? Just lemme hide behind this doorway real quick.” *sigh* One of these days a character should die because of dumbass behavior, maybe that'd teach them all a lesson.

Also, this is totally logic. They had a splinter from the original sword that they then made tons of serum from, which they saved 3 vials of..... and somehow this was still enough to forge a whole new frikking sword that's apparently just as powerful as the original one. I don't even know where to start with this bullshit.

.................dude, if you wanted to persuade her you should have pointed out the ring to her. But maybe this isn't about logic at all, this is about wanting to know if he is Clary's first choice without logic or reason, and that would make sense for his character, even if it's not the most sensible or productive course of action.

Me, during the fight scene: “Wow, I believe all that Seelie guard slaughtering is not going to end up in a Downworlder vs Shadowhunter war again..... ha..... hahahaha.”

Arguing with a possessed person. Again. Honestly this is the, uhhh, fifth time this happens on this show? And people just seem to never learn. SIGH

Yeah, by not following the plan and acting stupid, so my sympathy is pretty limited aka non-existent. Btw his slide across the Institute floor was hilarious. And also, pretty nice of Clary not to just kill him. This is the second time she's spared him. Interesting.

ISTG IF THIS SCENE ENDS WITH A CLIFFHANGER IF HE GOES THROUGH WITH IT OR NOT IMMA FLIP MY SHIT

*manic laughter* I love that this makes so much sense. Asmodeus needs Magnus's heartbreak so he'll be susceptible to Asmodeus's influence. So his motives are shitty. On the other hand it's not as if what Asmodeus says to Magnus isn't the truth. Fighting through this will make Magnus stronger, no doubt. Knowing he can be this low and still get back on his feet without running away and succumbing to the pain. And I'm glad, for obvious reasons, that Magnus didn't go through with the memory removal because ain't nobody got time for those issues. Mending the breakup in a satisfying was will be hard enough as is. Back to the scene at hand, I gotta say I love this about Asmodeus: He doesn't lie outright, he mostly lies by omission, and he speaks enough truth to really screw with everyone's perception. It's awesome. He is such a great antagonist and his dynamic with Magnus is highly fascinating.

Conclusion: Not enough Malec (seriously, their only scenes together are flashbacks? the frakkin audacity) but tbh I'm still too high on endorphines since the memory removal didn't happen that I'm mostly okay with it. And the Jonathan-Jace comedy was nice.

#shadowhunters #3x19 #magnus bane #alec lightwood #isabelle lightwood #clary fray #jace wayland #asmodeus #simon lewis #jonathan morgenstern #maia roberts #kyle #luke garroway #raphael santiago #reaction

[the-secret-garden-party]

March 24th 2022

I had school testing today for dual entrollment so I can take 2 years of college while still in high school so then I don’t have to worry abou it after guarduation and it would be easier. But of me being well me... I failed it so now I have to do the retake. I can’t wait to tell my parents.. The math was the WORST I hated to so much. I’m so bad at math, I want and I need to do this. I also kinda made myself finish quickly so then I could be able to go my 6th period (anatomy) which is my favorite, and I didn’t want to miss that, I hate missing that class. But maybe that’s why I failed in the end. I don’t know :/ it’s lunch at the moment so I have anatomy next and I’m looking forward to it. I like learning about blood and bones. Theres this kid in a couple of my classes and they went on this whole rant about them not supporting Hot Topic because they steal from artists but then turns around and buys a rip off strawberry dress from amazon how does that make sense, why say you don’t a company that steals from other artist then go and support a company that steals from other artists???. Let’s just call that person A, they don’t listen to anything and constantly trauma dump for no reason and randomly, it happens all the time in anatomy and if someone meantions something good and exciting they have to make it about themselves and turn into something sad, don’t get me wrong it’s good to do that but not in the middle of class when we are trying to learn about crap, It’s so fustrating and it brings me down and I’ve always been a gloom and doom but oh my god it’s starting to making ME feel bad... That’s a issue, a major issue. I can’t stand it, I have tired to help them but then they get mad at me, I told the guidance dean person some shit they where doing and they got mad at ME, but they where the only bitching and moaning about needing the help and all of a sudden it’s my fault, at this point I don’t think I care, why should I care? and a couple nights a ago A made a really fucked up joke about me then tired to gaslight me, what the actual fuck. Next time I am not helping them, becuase what are they going to do expect it??? I’m so sick of being fake nice to them. It’s getting boring and worse, on tuesday they made me a fucking candle... what the actual hell, it’s so weird and random and they keep giving me gifts that I clearly don’t want that I end up throwing out when I get home anyways and I have stated before hand to A that I don’t like the gifts and I don’t want more gifts but they don’t listen. Its extermly werid and makes me uncomfortable. What will it take to be listened too? My mom & dad don’t listen to me either so why would I be all shocked and surpised the only person that actually listens to me is my therapist and even then I don’t even know if she does. I like her advice and she’s nice but I am not so sure if she listens to me. I hust realized that A is wearing a light up flower crown in a cheap ripped off verison of the strawberry berry dress that instead of strawberries its cherrys and is wearing strawberry shoes with it INCULDING strawberry earrings, we get it you like fruit, and It’s so ugly too but oh my god. They keep trying to apologize for what they did the other night but why should I expect the fakest apology ever? I’m tired of fake apologies and I’m not even bothered. I fucking hate lunch so much, I have A in this class and it already makes it suck because of this but now 2 seniors chooce to fight RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK pushing it off fully, I can’t stand this at all and they got mad at ME for yelling at them to stop and they didn’t even apologize not like I would believe it anyways but still. They refuse to do the bare minimum. And I just noticed that my senior year I won’t have any friends... My BEST (and only) FRIEND is graduating junior year because they got the qualifations for it... next year is the last year I’ll have her with me, that fucking hurts, I’ve been fake happy for the longest time since she’s told me because I don’t think I can handle the fact that I am loosing my best friend at school. I know we are still going to be friends but then who am I going to talk to at school, I don’t have any friends and I hate people. This is going to suck. High school is supposed to be my best four years then why doesn’t it feel ike it’s the best, it’s sucked worst than anything more. Lunch is almost over and I can’t type for any longer so I’m going to go and hopefully I am able to update everything or something. 

Sincerly Me

#trauma dump #public diary #looking for friends

[niamh222]

conecting…

I’m thinking of making this keyboard my new diary. It’s kinda more flow state like to be able to really get thoughts out as i think them. Also not having to worry about spelling is freeing.

Therapy today was really enlightening, i feel like every session helps me so significantly, and i understand myself so much more each session. This session we talked a lot about trying to predict and anticipate peoples emotions. I recalled how distressed i felt when i had to face someone feeling negative emotions, the conflict between being compassionate and ensuring they didnt get upset was me trying to control their feelings. This need to know what people are thinking and how they might react, coupled with feeling a responsibility to ensure people are happy and not feeling any bad emotions- that is what causes he discomfort and anxiety. The feeling that people dislike me is often linked to the idea that i am doing something wrong that will be disrespectful or rude, this is me feeling like i am unable to predict their emotions that is causing discomfort

THIS IS WHY I DONT MAKE LOTS OF NEW DIFFERENT FRIENDS! becuase most new people are hard to predict and this makes me uncomfortable and jump to the worst possible conclusion. I guess the bottom line of all this is feeling inadequate, low self essteem- feeling that i’m unable to help people or anticipated their needs. For me, walking on eggshells and anticipating a persons every move to ensure they feel no discomfort is a problematic way i show care. When this doesn’t work and people become upset, i blame myself for not creating the perfect environment for them not to feel sad. It’s like taking peoples emotions personally to the extreme.

My fish tank is full of algae and i need to clean it. It’s bad for the fishes. I just haven’t gotten roland to it- recently ive been more and more swamped with university work and wok work. It’s like i need to step up my productivity game a bit. I’m taking it very very easy on myself to reduce anxiety and discomfort- it’s working great, i hardly feel anxious and all my sadness is coming from normal things . This is at the detriment of my workload tho, it’s suffering with all the patience i have for myself.

I have lectures to watch, i think i have four tommmorow, i need to finish all my lectures tommorow so i’m ready for my full two days on friday and saturday . Level three changed work hours and were back open on sunday RIP i was loving the reduced level 4 hours. I wonder how ill cope in level 2 ngl, like its so chill rn, i know ill adapt to it but still i dont want to loose this increasingly mental health routine ive got going .

I think a goal is to read more, i want to do a 14 day reading streak- it shouldn’t be too hard, ive got a five minutes a day timer, its great becuase its just enough time to if ur out if i wanna keep reading or not. 14 days is a good amount of time too, I want to get back on the affirmation gratitude diary shit as well, that was really good and made me feel so much happier- its been a good break to get me more grounded with some of my diasadvantages but i’m ready to work on them again now. The affirmations have been really good tho, ive been doing them everyday sometimes even twice, it REALY helps with positive thinking. I also genuinely think its one of the only ways to get to your core beliefs without changing your environment. Like- ideally i’d move out and live with a group of people who respect and love me and that would naturally raise my self essteem- but i think that this i the best i can get while still living with my folks .

I also think self love in discipline is SO true and ive been really feelin it recently.

Fuck you know what, this lady fucking died on the magic mountain- she want missing today and they found her body this afternooon. It makes me sick to my stomach, i want to vomit when i think about it. I hope her family is doing okay. It’s just insane because i walk up that mountains all te time, and a few days ago i went up there at night nighttime, and someone has died there. It’s a graveyard now and i’m worried that its going to be really hard for me to go back up there and enjoy the beautify up magic of the mountain. I think i might have to buy flowers to calm the spirits and cleanse the place, i mighty do that acctually, create a little flower shrine for her spirit. Fuck muan its scary though- i just hope its natural causes but you cant hep it- you cant help jumping to the worst possible conclusion.

I’m hoping for level 2 when i can get out of the neighbourhood, i’m getting really restless in the same place over and over every single day- i need a change of scene art. It’s raining tonight and i’m listening to te clash.

HEE IS A MAN WHO WILLL NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE not even bobby’s bickialling could stop the blood and —-

Yeah i bet you are. Hang in there You save the girl champaign on ice.

gn lovelies- i know i have to post better content than unedited diary entries but no, i’m just gonna post this an hope i get rich and famous and soon eeee by audible or glamneric lashes

this keyboard is the best purchase i have ever made my brain will proberbly e empty ina few weeks tho. spewing my thoughts out onto the clicky buttons like a digital therapist. gn babies 😚💓

[everythinginslowmotion]

Voltron Rec List

Note: I also have a fic rec page where you can find all of these fics as well (|x|), and all of these on this list will be Klance (EXCEPT #4: GAP YEAR).

COMPLETED FICS (more and uncompleted fics under the cut)

1. What We Make of it  by: Wittyy-name

rating: Mature 

chapters: 1

words: 46,327

description:  Keith has been training for this for months. So despite feeling like everything else in his life is falling apart and could be summed up with a big, blaring question mark, he finds himself halfway across the world with Shiro and Allura, preparing for his first ironman triathlon. He was expecting some typical touristy activities and a grueling day of physical activity. What he wasn't expecting was to meet a gorgeous boy with bright blue eyes and a smile that made his insides squirm. Lance has been in a rut, unable to find the happiness that once filled his life. Everything looks gray, and he feels suffocated. And that's how he finds himself halfway across the world, backpacking across a foreign country with his best friend, Hunk, and their new friend, Pidge. That is, until they run out of money and decide to get a job. He's having fun, and colors are leaking past the dam and back into his life. What he wasn't expecting was to meet a beautiful boy with dark eyes and a shy smile that broke those flood gates wide open

review:  Oh my God, Wittyy did it again. Honestly, since finding her work, I've been in love. I plan of reading all of her storys (that pertain to my fandoms- which is just Voltron right now) at some point in time because the writing is just beautiful. What We Make of it is another example of how the Voltron fandom has amazing writers that are capable of converting me from 200,000 word, extremely thought out fics to oneshots and have me like them in the same way. It's pretty long for a oneshot but it's worth it. It's really good (and it's based on her trip to New Zeland so even better).

2. Never Saw You Coming by: dimpleforyourthoughts

rating: Mature

chapters: 1

words: 47,873

description: Three months in space on his own would have been fine. Three months in space with Lance McClain is a whole other fucking story

review: HOLY SHIT oh my God this is one of the best fics I have ever had the pleasure of reading. I thought her other one was great but this one just blew everything else out of the water. Keith is an ass but I still love him and it works so well (because it is in his pov). Ugh it is so so good please read it becasue it deserves to be recognized and appreciated more- honestly I dont know how it isnt more popular. Definitely one of my top favorite fanfics I have ever read!

3. Nothing Quite as Sweet by: dimpleforyourthoughts

rating: Teen & Up

chapters: 1

words: 50,370

description: Keith is a barista who hates his job. Lance works at the cat shelter across the street. 

review:  So due to my recent lack of fanfiction to read, I spent the entire morning looking at rec lists trying to find on worthy of reading and I had seen this one on a couple and saw that though it was a oneshot that it was in fact longer than Wittyy's WMMOI and thought "Why not give it a shot". So I did and then spent the rest of my afternoon reading it and holy shit was it good. Honestly, I'm so happy i read this because like words just can't descrive how I feel about it. I'm usually not a big fan of cats and stuff but the way they are used in here just get me and Im also not huge on coffee shop aus but this one is just way too good. read it. READ IT. Its so worth an entire afternoon.

4. Don’t Forget to Remember Me by: CamelotQueen

rating: General 

chapters: 1

words: 4,107

description: Keith recognizes him immediately. Alarm bells go off in his head. This person is important, he thinks. He wishes he could remember. “Keith!” he exclaims, “Look who’s finally awake. How are you feeling today?” Keith falters. His mind is working a mile a minute trying to recall this person’s name, what he is to him. “Um… who are you?” he asks dumbly. He immediately regrets it. -Keith suffers from dissociative amnesia

review: If you like sad, read this. This is a oneshot that was followed up with the next fic to this right (I'll Never Leave You Alone) and both of them kill you. They are so well written and you really can feel the emotions that is going on between the characters, especially what Lance is feeling as he takes care of Keith who is also struggling very much so. The other members of Team Voltron (minus Allura and Coran) make an apperance in this fic but their part is minor.

5. I’ll Never Leave You Alone by: CamelotQueen (add on to Don’t Forget to Remember Me)

rating:  General 

chapters: 7

words: 17,300

description: Over a decade after the team was launched into space, Keith is back on earth struggling with dissociative amnesia. Luckily he's not fighting it alone, and his husband and the rest of the team are there to help. A series of drabbles revolving around Keith's amnesia

review:  I can't with this fic. The oneshot (Don't Forget to Remember Me) made me cry, and although I managed to not cry during these 7 oneshots, it still got to me so bad. I feel so horrible for Lance and Keith and everyone else because they have to go through this and I can't even imagine how hard it would be. Each chapter is a different day in Keith/Lance's life. They are mainly bad/neutral days and chapter 2 is a great day, but again for the most part this will kill you but it is amazing.

6. Gap Year by: WaxandWane

rating: Teen & Up 

chapters: 1

words: 1,432

description:  Lance finds himself. Turns out, he was right there all along.

review:  This is in fact the only fic that I have read that is not for a ship. It is for Lance on his own. Again, it's another fic with a really short description but trust me it is well worth the read. I'm usually not one that is for oneshots all that much but since I've entered the Voltron fandom, oneshots are mostly the only completed works since it's a fairly new fandom. Also this is completely from Lance's perspective and it's a little depressing becuase Langst but Langst is now my new favorite thing (Lance + Angst is the best thing to ever happen to me) so I'm 100% okay with that.

7. Lucky by: imtheonlybeefcow

rating: General Audiences 

chapters: 1

words: 7,000

description:  Allura lets everyone have a one week vacation! Lance gets to see his family.

review:  So this one is actually by one of my best friends. When she first told me about her "Lance can sing headcanon" I was like OH MY GOD THAT IS AMAZING I WANT IT NOW, and then she told me she was writing a fic and I was so happy (especailly since she let me read it as she was writing it). This whole thing is just so pure. Also Lauren is amazing and I love her

8. I Think I’ve Hit A Wall by: imtheonlybeefcow

rating: Teen & Up 

chapters: 6

words: 11,286

description:  Keith gets injured while training and it's up to Lance and Shiro to take care of him

review:  Another fic by my friend (no I'm not being bias I promise, I'm actually super picky about my fics and she is a great writer so her fics deserve to be on here). One of my favorite things about this fic (besides the fact that I was able to read parts of it before everyone else, and was asked for help with some of the decisions- nothing major and only like 2 things but still) is the title. It fits it so well, and I think it's really funny considering. Read it, it's a good one

UNCOMPLETED FICS

1. On Thin Ice by: Minadora

rating: Mature 

chapters: 9/?

words: 149,858

last update: 3.12.17

description: Once upon a time, two Canadian nerds decided to start a figure skating au about their two space sons and their wonderful misfit friends. Ten pages of headcanons later we finally put electronic pen to electronic paper and created this monstrosity. This multi-chapter fic chronicles the lives of a hockey player named Keith who gets forcibly enlisted into figure skating lessons by his brother, Shiro, to "work on his footwork". There he meets a pompous - yet talented - figure skater named Lance and gets swept away by both the sport and the skater. Enjoy the ride because it's only just started.

review:  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That is how I feel when I'm reading this fic. And when it updates. And just in general anytime I begin to think about it. I love this fic so, so much. It's literally all of my favorite things combined into one big thing. Angst, Fanfiction, Klance, and Figure Skating. And it's so good and long (and i'm a sucker for long fics). Honestly, I'm such trash for this fic and I get told that all of the time but I'm so okay with it because come on figure skating is the best

2. Shut Up and Dance With Me by: Wittyy-name, illustrated by: Wolfpainters

rating: Mature 

chapters: 10/16

words: 132,130

last update: 5.26.2017

description:  Lance and his friends have been regulars at the Altea Dance Studio for years. Not just for classes, but to hang out, practice, and spend time with good people who love dancing. Every year, they audition to be one of the few representing Altea at the regional dance competition. Lance always auditions solo, but this year he misses out on auditions and blows his chance to participate. And so does his self-proclaimed rival, Keith. Luckily, Shiro comes up with a brilliant plan: convince Lance and Keith to audition as a duo. With a little convincing, and a lot of effort, these two might just be able to pull it off and go to regionals... or they might crash and burn.

review:  When I said I love Wittyy's work I wasn't kidding, her fics will be on here a lot. I think I started reading this after I finsihed reading what was made of OTI, and I was like holy shit did I just find another amazing slow burn au with another sport that i like. The answer is yes, I did. Honestly I have a huge problem, but I don't really care at this point because fics like this are just so good and Wittyy is an amazing writer and wolfpainters (the arist, aka Sora) is also just so good and together they are perfect.

3. The Marks We Make by: Wittyy-name, illustrated by: Wolfpainters

rating: Mature

chapters: 5/?

words: 94,834

last update: 5.4.2017

description:  Lance McClain constantly dreams of the day he'll finally meet his mysterious soulmate. They don't say much, if anything at all, but they leave him with gorgeous paintings temporarily tattooing his skin. It's not exactly the situation he hoped for, but when he feels the connection between them, he can't bring himself to resent them. As much as he wishes his soulmate would just talk to him, he's resigned himself to being patient. In the meantime, he has a loving family and good friends to help him get by. Keith Kogane dreads the day he'll finally meet his obnoxious soulmate. He's just an art student who's struggling to find his place in the world. There's so much he hasn't been able to control in his life, and the thought of having a soulmate, just another thing in his life which he also has no control over yet can't do anything about, is a little terrifying. So he ignores the words that occasionally appear on his skin. He has other things to focus on: like being a new student at a big university where his childhood friend and step-brother go.

review:  Yet another fic by my favorite person, Wittyy (and illustrated by Wolfpainters). Just when you thought Wittyy's writing couldn't get anybetter, it did. This fic only has a few chapters up right now and I'm hooked. Like everything else that she has ever writen, TMWM is halarious, angsty and cute and sweet all at the same time. I think part of the reason I love her writing so much is that the characters never seem like they are out of character from the show, yet I almost forget they aren't her characters at all and I love it. Anyway, this fic is amazing and I can't wait to see where it goes. (bonus for all HP fans- there is also quiddich so read up you nerds)

4. Shadow of the Past by: wittyy-name (mirrored fic: Ghost of the Future by: Zizzani)

rating:  General 

chapters: 2/?

words: 18,988

last update: 2.26.2017

description:  When Lance is thrown through time, he finds himself one year in the future, in place of the Lance that should be here. He finds his team to be remarkably familiar, yet distinctly different. They have more scars, a better grip on the whole saving the universe thing, and over a year’s worth of teamwork to bind them together. But the weirdest part? Keith seems to be a lot more touchy with him. Not that he’s complaining… much. The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance’s places and restore them to their original timelines. But despite the fact that they’re still his friends, Lance can’t help but feel a little out of place among a team that’s been through so much with a Lance that just isn’t him. And it doesn’t help that the team is on edge around him, refusing to tell him anything for fear of influencing and changing the past. Things get even more complicated when they have to rely on the team in the past to complete the switch, leaving Lance to little more than sit, wait, and attempt to fill in his future self’s shoes. Mirror fic to "Ghost of the Future" by Zizzani

review:  So like it's mirror, I also discovered this one through Wittyy and if you read Ghost of the Future then you need to read this one as well because they go together and it just makes the whole thing so much better, not to mention, who wouldn't want to see the future paladins (because this one is from past!Lance's perspective in the future). It's super interesting to see how Witttyy portray's the futures of team Voltron so far and how their relationships and lives have changed over the course of the year.

5. Ghost of the Future by: Zizzani (mirrored fic: Shadow of the past by: Wittyy-name)

rating: General

chapters: 2/?

words: 17,282

last update: 2.26.2017

description: When Lance is thrown through time, his future self from one year ahead is transported to the past in his place. This Lance is faster, stronger, and markedly more mature. Not only that, but he's distinctly more intuitive about his teammates and A LOT more touchy with Keith. The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance's places and restore them to their original timelines. Things only get more complicated when the Future Lance can't seem to remember where he was when the switch happened, and he refuses to reveal anything about his own time for fear of influencing the team's decisions. Mirror fic to "Shadow of the Past" by wittyy_name 

review: So I discovered this fic through Wittyy (who writes the mirror fic) and WOW it is so good. This one is from future!Lance's perspective in the current time (the time of the show) and I just have so many feelings towards Lance from the future, it's really not okay (I love him so so much). Ugh these two fics are just so well written and i can't handle it.

6. I Found Love by: seabreez, illustrated by: thesearchingastronaut

rating: Teen & Up 

chapters: 3/?

words: 12,201

last update: 3.17.2017

description: Keith is just trying to live his life as a freelance illustrator with his cat, keeping up with bills by having two part-time jobs. But when he keeps bumping into Mr. Tall, Tan, & Handsome after a music event at his bar, well, maybe he's willing to make time for pretty, blue eyes and a laugh like silver bells.

review: Okay, so thesearchingastronaught is hands down one of my favorite voltron artists because her work is amazing, so when I saw that she collabed with people and did the art for fics I had to read them. I actually read the next fic before this one but still this one is so good. Pure fluff is a really good change from my usual slow burn hardcore angst that I'm used to. So if you are looking for fluff or just a break in the sadness that is your choice of fanfiction, then this is for sure the fic for you.

7. Off Balance by: jubilee_jawz, illustrated by: thesearchingastronaut

rating: General Audiences 

chapters: 2/?

words: 4,786

last update: 1.27.2017

description: 12 year old Keith has settled into his adoptive home quiet nicely. Its Christmas Eve and Shiro makes it home late from uni and he takes Keith out to see the local ballet preform The Nutcracker. Lance is a soldier in the show and beats a rat into submission and little Keith gets his first crush. (AU where Lance is a ballet student at Altea Academy and Keith is pining as per usual. )

review: Fuck Dance AU's- aka. please read this because there are only 2 chapters and it's so adorable already and there is a cute mini aussie named Chaiko and i love dance AU's and need all of them now but especially this one. Jubilee-jawz is the actual author and thesearchingastronaught is the amazing artist for this story and if you like klance then you have probably seen her work- it's so good. Unfortunately, I think this fic has been set on hold for just a little bit because of some personal issues, but I'm not completely sure

#voltron fics #klance #voltron #lance #keith #fic recs #klance fics #fanfiction #keith kogane #lance mcclain #fandom textpost

[ryleejaybyrd]

ANSWER ALL THE EVENS BWAHAHA

Jesus christ Taylor XD Nobody cares but here I go!!!!!!!

lol like how I tried to play it off cool but I’m actually super stoked rn

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Yes and no... for like the first day of winter when it’s all pretty and pristine but when it get’s to the point of ‘fuck me do i still have toes?’ I’m over it.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

I like my coffee with french vanilla creamer and lovingly call it my princess froofroo bullshit drink. On the tea side of things I like herbal without anything added becuase I feel like a fairy drinking flower water.

6: do you keep plants? 

I love thinking I could, but the only plant I haven’t killed is the one that I keep in my papa’s sunroom where I’m never anywhere near it because everything I touch dies screaming.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Is internal screaming a viable medium? I like to think I can write, but that’s still under investigation

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I’m all over the place, you can usual tell by my hair tho. Seeing as it sticks straight up on whichever side I sleep on.

12: what's your favorite planet?

Jupiter!! It has all those awesome moons that are v cool.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?Hmmmmm, it’d probably be a homey mess of books, fandom knicknacks and random coffee mugs with random socks laying everywhere. (there may or may not be a smiley face painted on the wall that is outlined with bullets.. crazy night..)

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

I’m very uncultured so spaghetti is how imma roll

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh god, you mean every other moment I’m in their presence? My shining moment would probably be when I had a minor stroke after getting v excited about making cinnamon pancakes for @klskipper13​ and I stuttered so bad I said “ Cinininamonon pancancancakes” 

20: what's your favorite eye color?

Probably green! 

22: are you a morning person?

HAHAHAHA. that’s cute

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Honestly I’m a pretty open person? I’ll tell anyone anything, especially if I think it’ll make them laugh.

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

YOU MEAN THE ONES THAT JUST BROKE AND I’M STILL GRIEVING OVER. They’re brown combat boots that go to just under my knee with laces all the way up. I lovingly named them my Katniss boots, may they rest in peace.

28: sunrise or sunset?

I like the idea of sunrise. There’s just something about beginnings that make me all poetic and shit

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yup, 100% when my friend and I got busted after drinking at her mormon grandmothers house. In retrospect, probably should have done it elsewhere.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

At my 13th bday party my friends and I were staying at a house on a golf course and we streaked nude up and down the 18th hole. Till this day I wonder if they had surveillance cameras.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

It was a doe deer beanie baby named Whisper. She was that stuffed animal that went everywhere with me. At age 12 I lost her somewhere at my cousins house and am still sad about it till this day. She had one eye and a pink nail polish stain on her chest. Bonus story: my oldest friend @haleygalik​ had that same beanie baby and gave it to me since I was so upset about losing mine. I still have Whisper 2.0 till this day

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?Right now? Uuhh, I’m not sure tbh. I’m kinda feeling serene so something celticy. I’m also uncultured in music.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

Dogs that beg when you try to eat. My dad passed that down to me. I will literally stare a dog straight in the eye and eat slowly. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs more then humans, but that bothers me. I also get very twitchy when a computer desktop is just full of icons (yes I’m talking about you Tay.)

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

I have this wedding band set that I found when my great grandma jay passed away. I think it was her wedding rings, but I never knew for sure. I wish I knew their story more then anything.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

There’s a shop that’s in our town called grump monkey. Its small and kinda modern themed but still comfy.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?Hmmm, probably when I was swimming in the ocean last November. The ocean is my home.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

The fact that Barbara Dunkelman from Rooster Teeth is so bad at puns she gave herself the title Barbara Punkelman....

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Being abducted by one of the aliens from Signs. Well duh.

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

Tbh I don’t collect anything really... but I do have a thing about small intricate boxes and bottles. I don’t usually keep them long tho. I move a lot.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

The only one I’ve noticed is the thing with the cowboy hat. I’m not the most observant

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

I just saw a friend of my mom’s who’s brother passed away, that was rough.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

It is so great when people talk with their hands more and more as they get excited. The best story tellers look like they’re being pulled around by a drunk marionette person.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

@brigadepuppy​ is probably the wine mom, and @klskipper13​ is the vodka aunt who doesnt really drink but has a bottle thats filled with water so people wont nag her to drink with them.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Robert Frost is my main bitch. His path diverging in a yellow wood will always be my fave. tho in english class we once read this poem about a lady who kept one of her lovers locked away in a hidden room and continued to sleep by the body even after the person died... to this day i cant find it anywhere. had something to do with roses. creepy as fuck but great.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Orange is the bomb!

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

a black satin canvas speckled with the iridescence of millions of different cosmic lights

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Oh! I really like colorful leaves and vines instead of flowers.

68: what's winter like where you live?

A mythic bitch. #upperleft

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Fuck to the no. I like not being haunted thank you. Tho, I am 100% convinced a ghost named Tina haunts me. I’ve had flickering lights, random bangs, and things falling off shelfs happen every once in awhile. I’m surprisingly calm about it mostly.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

Absolutely. Helps keep my mind clear too. If i write it down it’s not swirling around in my brain and distracting me. Once its tangible its easy to toss aside.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

I have only two friends

Friend 1: My lil Asian

Friend 2: Lil Bitch

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

Oh for sure. I should be buying a ticket from Florida to New York, researching my trip to New Zealand, and double checking my bills are payed. HAHA NEXT QUESTION

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I’m a fanclub! I have a lot of love for people I’ve never met

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

White, sadly. I didn’t, like I said. I move a lot.

82: are/were you good in school?

100% was a fly on the wall. Put in minimum effort and left with a 3.5 GPA cuz our school system is a joke.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Yas!~ I want to do my Harry Potter house with my friends and something to do with space/the ocean or mythical creatures

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

Uh sure, I totally know what those are and they’re great...

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

The lil animatic videos people are doing for musicals! I love them so much!!! For example @galactibun​ and @raythrill​ do some really neat ones! (or at least I’m pretty sure they do??? I always see them blogging that style anyway)

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Austin! Mainly because Rooster Teeth, but also it was such a vibrant place! I would like to live their someday.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

All the cheese. It’s cheese with a side of pasta. I love cheese.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

My Aunt Kelly!

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100%  procrastinator. They take forever.

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

Way to long... uh probably last summer with a friends dog! Of course! Being outside is always cathartic

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

I’d go into the past! I’d miss so much if I were to skip ahead that I’d feel anxious I think. 

Here you all go, XD thanks Tay, I appreciate you booboo

[madsamael]

Memories make me want to go back there....

If i think about my Past i get really Sad.. The Fact that i can’t deal with my own Demons make it so Hard to live a normal life.. If i’d be Honest i’m really dissapointed about myself becuase i’ve chosen some very bad Roads in my Life.. One of the worst was my addiction to escape reality which i don’t understand till today.. Retrospectively i always think about my Mom day by day.. I didn’t even had the Chance to take farewell and thank her for being such a great Mother.. I had so much Things to tell her but this one Phonecall at my Work made me realize that it was to late..  After that i moved step by step to my very own Abyss which i’ve never thought it would be so hard to escape from.. I can’t take myself serious if i think about the Fact that i always talked about Depression as a Teen.. That Feel i got as a 16 Year old Guy doesn’t even comes nearly to that how i feel now.. I got a beautiful Girlfriend which really shows me her Love Day by Day but something inside of me just died as i started to break down by using Chemical substances to forget… I don’t do that Shit anymore but i realized that it really killed alot of the good habits i’ve had..  I miss my old Hapinnes and the Perspective i’ve had to the World..  I didn’t work since 20 Months and it makes me feel very very bad.. I’m angry at myself and exactly this feel makes it so Hard to meet up with my good old Friends.. I’ve always see their Posts on Instagram and Facebook and i’m just so proud of everyone of them because they really did everything to have such nice Jobs and Lifes… They live their Dream i guess.. I always like to remember the Times watching movies with them, or going on a Skatetrip in the city, meeting up to roll Blunts while listening to Indie Rock.. This Friends really showed me alot of good things in this fucked up World, we even had a Band for which we practiced at least 2 Times in the Week.. We didn’t had to watch on our phones when we met because there was always something to talk about. Sometimes i tell myself: Dude you just fucked up, your’e worthless, you acted like an completly Idiot.. But i really hope that there will come the Days where i can accept myself again so that i don’t feel weird about myself.. The last 2 Years were really Hard… If i have one wish then that someday everythings gonna be alright again.. 

Scott out 

#past #sad #text #true story #depressed

[strawberriemars]

huge. HUGE vent under the cut --- i’m really, really sorry if mobile doesn’t hide it.

i just. have a lot on my mind and i needed to pour it out

God i hate this

I have a music theory project that should’ve been turned in hours ago

Nothing in this textbook makes sense because i’ve been so busy with work that every time i DONT work the last thing i want to do is fill my head with information

Information that likely won’t stick because any interactivity we once had to help us is now gone

I also have a final in this same class due on wednesday

And when i thought i had a whole day to prepare for it i remembered i volunteered to work

On my day off

Becuase i need money and this is my only opportunity to get it

By working behind a plexiglass shield that doesn’t even cover the whole counter

By working with a public that refuses to wear masks and insults me for having to wear one myself

By working on my feet for so long my knee’s started acting up again and my shoulder sounds like a pepper grinder from how often i have to reach up high for the selfish fuck buying $150 worth of scratch offs

By working shifts until fucking midnight where people come in during the last 10 minutes because everywhere else is closes at 10

(gee. I fucking wonder why.)

I can’t focus on my assignment at all because i have to re-learn old shit and then absorb new shit and god i’m such a fucking failure i don’t want my teacher to feel bad about failing me  god that hurts more than anything

It’s gonna hurt if i fail, but i can get past that because of everything going on.

What’s gonna hurt more is failing my instructor because i don’t want him to feel like he did anything wrong

He was given the shittiest tools and no other option but to press forward with them

Meanwhile i’m listening to john oliver talk about how alex jones is willing to eat his neighbors

And low-key fretting about how on the 15th i’m going back to a house with someone who finds something wrong with everything i do, and someone who won’t wear a mask in public

I can’t stay any longer with my boyfriend because i sort of thrust my stay upon him without warning or even asking and that was really selfish of me to do

Plus in spite of my dad’s ignorance i miss seeing him. I miss being able to hug him.

Everyone keeps saying it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay to feel upset and scared and distressed by this

But that’s only on the internet

Everyone i interact with in person expects me to suck it up and smile until my cheeks peek up and my eyes squeeze shut so people know that i’m smiling behind my mask

I had someone today say that they miss being able to see people smile... while not wearing a mask themselves...

I just said i miss seeing my friends and playing my bunny paladin

I do miss my friends. I miss seeing them and their dog and 2 cats even though one is shy and the other hates everyone

I miss seeing my other friends who have like 8 cats who are all big softies except for like 1 who’s kind of a crumudgeon

I miss seeing the cat i hope to adopt someday with his big eeyore eyes

I honestly miss going to the theater late at night because there’s less kids around who can’t sit still and loudly ask questions (i like the immersion, sometimes kids can disrupt that, but they can’t help it, that’s why i go so late because i know how to not be a dick to children)

Holy shit I miss SEEING kids at the gas station — i used to work mornings and now my schedule is completely jacked up and i so rarely see kids anymore

I miss interacting with them and jokingly saying to stay out of trouble, or giving them some of the candies i have stowed for myself behind the register when they’re upset

I miss going to the library to shut everyone out and do my homework or write or read or even just fucking daydream

I miss being able to drive out to ann arbor to see the twins and just be in one another’s company

...

I should write an email to my professor telling him i’m sorry for failing him. That i wanted to keep up and to try but i just couldn’t because with everything weighing down on me and the sudden influx of work, i couldn’t do it. I can barely even convince myself to get up and get ready for voice lessons. I barely made it through grief recovery method, which i took because i wanted to re-connect with my birth mom by the end of the year, only to have a new grief suddenly slammed down upon all of us

I’m still going to attempt the final. Fuck me it’s going to be hard.

I don’t know if i can finish the project. I can try. But  i don’t know what i’m doing.

I’m just so tired. So lost. So scared and so sad and so crushed.

And then i wonder — am i just making excuses

Would things have turned out differently if the virus had never happened

I tend to push things off to the last minute all the time — why is this so different

Is it because i couldn’t keep up as well

I don’t know that i kept up in the first place

...

I don’t want things to go back to the way they were

I just want to stop feeling so crushed and lost and afraid