#- i now understand their struggle uwu - etc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doubleddenden · 3 months

Text

The topic of Palworld is pretty charged, but often times I see people be shamed for liking it because the CEO tweeted stuff about NFTs and the company using AI art in a separate game. Acting as if that's the most damning thing ever for a gaming company in an industry filled with similar people.

Make no mistake, I dislike both AI art and nfts, but do you realize how many gaming companies have involvement with that?

To begin with, Pokémon used AI art in a promotional piece for Pokémon Go in September, and nobody gave a shit because uwu Pikachu. The Pokémon Company also put a job listing some months back seeking an expert in NFTs. That's not quite damning evidence, but if I were a betting man, no "NFT expert" will willingly say "yeah nfts suck are bad for the environment, man, I'll take my paycheck and fuck off now." There's also a strong argument to be made that Pokémon has stolen ideas from fakemon artists (Finizen and Palafin, Scovillain, Dipplin, etc) and other franchises (kaiju movies, Dragon Quest, Megaman, final fantasy, western cartoons and food mascots, etc), a dubious legal statement that claims they own all fan art from the remixes and fakemon made on youtube to the pikachu your kid drew at breakfast; they have yet to apologize for the state of Scarlet and Violet while charging full price to millions of paying customers for a clearly unfinished and barely functioning game (which i did enjoy, but you can't tell me it was finished baking when it struggles not to shit itself just to run), and a bunch of other things people shit on Palworld for, but A. It's Pokémon so people don't care and think it's fine, and B. That's not the point of this post.

You know who else does NFTs and AI art? (Yes I heard Muscle Man from Regular Show in my head just now, too, moving along)

Square Enix sold several of their IPs for NFTs and claims to have used AI art "a minimum amount" in Foam Stars, yet I see nobody yelling for boycotts of Final Fantasy 14, 16, Kingdom Hearts, Dragon Quest, Life is Strange, etc etc etc.

Sony has invested in both, they want to implement AI into gaming, and has a patent for nfts to be used in games and consoles, yet there's no movement to throw out your playstations.

Bandai Namco- you know, that company with a hand in pretty much most anime games on the market and popular games such as the Dark Souls games? They have a game called RYU that's essentially a virtual pet game that uses the blockchain, and its AI driven, among other projects. Yet there's no outcry to stop playing the many, MANY games they brand with. This also includes quite a few Nintendo games (btw they just partnered together to form a special studio quite recently) like Smash Wii U/3ds and New Pokémon Snap. Nobody gives a shit though.

Android, Microsoft, Google, Apple- I don't even need to explain those, they have whole teams dedicated to both. Even popular VPN companies accept crypto.

I'm just saying an awful lot of you guys that scream and shit bloody murder about Palworld's company being involved with that shit are either the biggest "It's okay when my favs do it" type of hypocrites, or you're sorely ignorant to just how evil and greedy most corporations are. You'll be hard pressed to find a game company with popular AND fun games that DOESN'T have some interest in either, let alone movie and show studios. That's the awful reality we live in.

You have 2 options

1. You basically stop doing anything involving most modern tech, including throwing out your pc and smart phone. You could probably live a comfortable life with tech circa 2010, but you have to be aware that any thing you buy may go towards a cause you don't like.

2. You accept that people can enjoy a product while not necessarily agreeing with the CEO of said product. Most CEOs tend to be jackasses anyway, that's kind of the shared trait they all have. You can also discourage companies from using them while understanding it is everywhere.

Palworld at the end of the day is just a toy, that's it. From the looks of it, it's not even actually hurting anyone, and it seems like the company at least treats their employees pretty decently- at least according to a few things I've seen here and there that seems rather progressive for a Japanese studio (with room for doubt obviously, it's a company after all and as we've established, they're all evil). At the least its not like when people supported Hogwarts Legacy and directly put money into JKR's wallet so she can openly hurt more Trans women. In fact, the only people seemingly hurt in all of this Palworld drama are obsessed Pokémon stans that can't accept a parody, or the Pokémon Company themselves, who rightly deserve some punching up tbh.

You can just say you dislike the game, that's fine, I totally get that. Even though I personally think The Pokémon Company deserves a few nut shots after the way they've treated fans these last few years with the state of their games (and you know, stealing ideas from fans without credit), I can see why someone would be turned away from a parody that's literally meant to be Pokémon with guns. I can totally understand all of that, personally I'd prefer if the game was MORE like Pokémon with turn based combat.

But if you're going to defend Pokémon because you think its perfectly innocent because of Wooloo or something like that, just be sure you're aware you're defending the World's Richest Franchise and their own attempts at AI and NFTs while calling out an indie company (a real one thats learning as they go, not the fake "We're totally indie" franchise that hasn't been indie since gen 3) for having a ceo that also seems interested in the same stuff. And remember, you don't become number 1 without hurting people somehow (we could dig up receipts about certain partners Pokémon has teamed up with, such as Tencent with Unite, but I'd rather not right now.)

Just saying. I don't think you're an irredeemable person for still liking Pikachu, cuz I do too believe it or not. I've been a life long fan and still have fun with the games despite the clear scummy business practices towards their paying customers. Just maybe extend that courtesy to the millions of players just trying to have fun in this awful, putrid, shithole planet that just keeps getting worse and worse with each passing day.

Plus... you know, think about it. Do you think Pokémon would ever get around to making a gunless Palworld? Probably not. Do you think Palworld would exist if The Pokémon Company and Nintendo were the slightest bit chill about Pokémon fan projects like SEGA is with Sonic? Also probably not. From what I've read, the devs just wanted to make a fun game that happens to mostly be ARK with Pokémon adjacent monsters. That's not really a bad thing, all things considered, and it seems like the worst they've done is reference official Pokémon when making their own models.

Palworld being successful is actually beneficial to Pokémon fans, as well. It'll never really truly compete, but it has outsold Legends Arceus in terms of units sold (not as much financially because Palworld was only $30 plus a sale recently, but still impressive), and it is enough that Game Freak is aware of its existence. Let Palworld light a fire under their ass, and maybe GF will actually finish their next game before releasing it for full price (and no, we're not bringing up the tired imaginary ball and chain game devs, game freak owns 1/3rd lf the franchise and can easily take methods to get more dev time, they just haven't because money). Just saying, at least the Paldevs were honest enough to sell it in early access for half the price.

#palworld

92 notes · View notes

starrixle · 3 months

Text

simpbur headcanon dump ♡

a bunch of random headcanons for simpbur that i thought of !! (all under the cut because there is a lot...)

his birthday is december 11 and his height is 5'4 (this is actually canon but im including it anyways)

he goes by he/they/she (in order of preference). he's genderfluid, but more masc aligned. he is also bisexual and horribly closeted (the closet is as clear as glass)

he is neurodivergent, he also suffers from lots of anxiety. he is very anti-social

he and liliana (the e-girl) were both just not great for each other. it was not just simp being toxic to the e girl, but she was toxic to him as well to a certain extent. she isnt a bad person, and neither was simpbur, they were just a pair that wouldnt work out

part of the reason why simpbur is so insecure abt himself is bc liliana tends to be a judgemental person. she has standards that simp didnt meet, and that made him go into the mindset of changing himself to suit what she liked. however, this failed and they ended up breaking things off instead

his breakup with liliana destroyed simpbur's mental health, especially with him being a very fragile person to begin with. this is where his obsession began due to still having a very strong attachment with what he once had with her, along with having extreme jealousy over the thought of her being successful in life with someone other than him

his favorite vape flavor is bubblegum. he would smoke cigarettes, but he doesn't like the smell, and he just prefers vapes

he is horrible with being responsible with his money. even though he struggles to pay rent and works a minimum wage job, he usually spends his money on games and anime stuff

types with stuff like uwu, owo, :3, :<, XD, ^_^, (*≧з≦), etc.

used to live with his mom, but now he lives in a tiny apartment on his own. it's not very well kept or clean, and he often just throws his junk around everywhere since he never has the energy to clean the place up. the only place he bothers (kinda) decorating is his bedroom

cries over small things easily, like when he gets a paper cut, stubs his toe, when his food order is wrong, etc.

can't handle spicy foods whatsoever

he has a shoe box full of random stuff he stole from liliana, such as pens she used, her clothes, trash, hair, etc.

kicks ass at competitive games, such as first person shooter games. he is a chronically online gamer and he lowkey acts toxic sometimes while gaming

he sometimes just goes "gg :3" in the chat whenever he manages to dominate the game. he doesnt like using vc bc he doesnt really like his voice, so he usually sticks to typing, esp bc hes a pretty fast typer (100+ wpm)

he collects a ton of anime figures. usually leaves things in their packaging. he cringed whenever liliana took them out of the packaging, since she didn't understand why he left them in the box instead of taking them out

he blasts music at full volume, especially while gaming. he listens to a lot of vocaloid, breakcore, krushclub, hyperpop, indie rock, etc.

his diet consists of fast food, take out, ramen, microwaved food, soda, snacks, anything that's unhealthy

he usually hides his figure with thick, oversized clothing

he doesn't usually express his style much outside in public, but he likes experimenting a lot with outfits at home, especially ones that aren't typically masculine

he's secretly a furry and has a fursona. he usually acts as if he thinks furries or cringe, but he would have anon alt accounts where he'd look at furries online and talk about how cute they are

his feelings towards his body changes depending on his mood. although he doesn't completely mind being assigned amab, he does wish he looked more feminine, or at the very least androgynous

at a certain point in his life, he denied his femininity and attempted to retain a super masculine appearance and personality. it didn't make him happy, instead it made him more insecure

coming to terms with being not cishet was extremely difficult. he was in denial that he was bisexual, and even more in denial he wasn't a cisgender man. altho he's grown to slowly be more comfortable with his identity, he's still struggling to accept himself

he switches from being masculine and feminine a lot. other times he simply just does not want to be perceived and would avoid people

he loves the idea of romance and intimacy, but the actual act of doing romantic/intimate things freaks him out. he craves for love, but he's terrified to act on it, especially with his last relationship with liliana failing

he posts rants/vents about his thoughts anonymously online on places like reddit

he grew to be good at stalking, even learning strategies to keep himself hidden or quiet, along with learning how to unlock windows or doors. he thought he was insane for doing it at first, but he's grown more used to it being a routine

his eyes are actually dark brown. i just draw them pink because it's just an artistic choice i like in his design

he has sharp canine teeth

he says "im gonna kms :3" and makes all kinds of self-deprecating jokes very often

he often writes random songs in his diary and sings to himself/plays guitar in his room. it's very comforting for him, as its a form of coping

even tho he dislikes his voice, he's very good at singing (insert the entirety of the e-girl trilogy here)

if i ever come up with more headcanons i will make another post as a part 2 !! this guy is constantly living rent free in my mind 24/7 i am so perfectly sane about simpbur i swear. completely. 100%. *eye twitching*

#simpbur #incelbur #bursona #bursonas #wilbur soot #starrixle talks

107 notes · View notes

randomnameless · 6 months

Note

I think the "Billy should ditch the boar" takes comes from AM being the one route that breaks their self-insert fantasy. Flamey and Emile doing their stuff and the Jerry thing etc do not matter bcs its not being directly mean to YOU, the player, in YOUR story. Edel-chan is a very sad and traumatized girl that will ALWAYS love YOU no matter what you do and she will doodle YOU and squeak about rats n stuff, but you don't have to actually deal with any of her supposed trauma in a realistic way (+)

(cont) She will always be fine and ready to gush after you, the trauma is only a plot device to make her wary of other people that aren't you, and be attached to only you. What she does to randoms doesn't matter as long as she's nice to you. But the evil european barbarian boar dares to actually show his trauma and negative emotions around you, and make you uncomfy, and bring any sort of realism to your fantasy! how dare he! Not only that, but he admits he didn't like you at the beginning!!!(+) (cont) you, the player, isn't above other characters when it comes to him being rude because of his trauma and mental illness, and the story dares to show your avatar feeling sad and powerless instead of badass and cool. He won't listen to you until another character opens his eyes first, and even if you marry him he's still hearing voices and struggling with his issues, your love won't cure him!! Not only that, but AM is his story, not yours! (+) (cont) It relegates your self-insert to a supportive deuteragonist instead of the main hero the plot centers around. He will become The King and you will be just a religious leader, following the footsteps of the Evil Lizard Lady!! Obviously you don't want that!! this is your story, where you can dump all your anti-church IRL arguments into, and be a super cool baddass mercenary who never has to deal with negative emotions!! And that's why AM is the only FE16 route where I actually like Billy.

Sorry anon for the tardiness of the reply!

Yep, I feel like for both Dee and the evil lizard lady, at one point, they are unhappy/upset/angry and more or less negative at Billy - who is, in this situation, taken as the player.

I remember during the heights of 2020-2021 discourse people sending asks to other asking how can they like Rhea bcs she was meant to "u" and whatnot, and it's just... Self-insert at its finest?

But Billy - the character we see in Nopes, FEH and FE17, wouldn't feel like the player in those instances (because Billy the character would never pick the "uwu" option in the Holy Tomb, and Billy the character would understand and/or at least get how Dimitri doesn't want to talk right now) - so again, it's the same old question, who is Billy? An empty self insert who feels a lot of sad uwus when Rhea threatens to rip their heart out as they assist and support who swore to kill her because her ears are pointy and cries whenever Dimitri doesn't want to talk to them, or is Billy the character we see in other games, who shows more empathy and tries to understand people, and thus, wouldn't have been able to pick a certain route in FE16?

Lol I just remember now how some people didn't like Cyril or even Seteth because they didn't slobber over Billy - as the self-insert - in their first 5 lines unlike the rest of the cast ^^

Granted, this "YOU must be the most important person EVER" comes back in full force with the S-supports (tfw seteth doesn't mention his family to billy when they hold hands) and it reiterates something I always knew : Avatars were a mistake.

Parasocial maybe saved the franchise from turning into another F-Zero like saga, but damn if it nuked a lot in the process (and by, a lot, i mean coherence and characters networks).

#anon #replies #sorry i'm late lol #FE16 #But yes to everything you said #AM is Dimitri's story as he learns to rely on people and not exclusively on u #meanwhile Claude who is supposed to open up to people spends most of time talking to you about his dreams than to talk the deers #and given how FE16 Billy isn't allowed to be a character and thus must always be static or nod #there are no interactions #i mean if billy was uwu me #the second clout said uwu church isolationism uwu new values that don't exclude people for being different #i'd say he's full of shit because those have never been the CoS's values and motto #AM Billy is a guide but doesn't push Dimitri #Dimitri follows the path himself because that's what he wants to #after he opened up to his friends who were always by his side #tbh as the game presents it AM is the second coming of post WoH Seiros and Willy #even without the hand holding it was supposed to end like this #but it went haywire and since Fodlan apparently loves its cycles #a world without Billy at its head is per this game not the best thing ever #but tbh I prefer this end to SS

23 notes · View notes

polyamorouspunk · 2 months

Note

Fully agree with you on the trans thing. It’s something I struggled with for a LONG time that I didnt *want* to be fully 100% trans. Like I fit in with trans people, I was transmasc, but I never felt *trans*. If that makes any sense??

People used to tell me all the time that I had to be trans if I checked xyz boxes. And I hated it. Now, years later, I’ve made it to a point that I just *am*. And it took me SO LONG to realize that was even an option. To just be myself without putting a label on it. I dont need to be fully cis or fully trans. Im just a little bit of everything and fully me.

It still confuses my queer friends. That I just *do not* care and dont put any importance on it. So its nice to see someone else with that opinion. Thank you

Yes!

Listen like I do not care if people reblog my posts and disagree with me. Like that’s you’re right as an individual. But what I don’t like is when I make a post talking about my identity and someone “corrects” me on it.

The problem with the push to be super inclusive, sometimes, is that people stop making it about who *wants* to be a part and who doesn’t.

I know people who are gay men who have 0 interest in being part of the LGBTQ+ community. Gay men who are like I’m not queer I’m not part of the community I’m just gay but I’m not identifying with the community in any way.

I know people who have described their “gender” to me almost verbatim the way that trans people have described to me their gender and have told me they do not consider themselves trans in any way, and it kind of sucks because I’m like… I know that if I were someone else they might put that label on that person even if that person doesn’t want it?

I’ve had people ON THIS BLOG send me asks telling me I am not trans and other people send me asks saying I’m not cis. Like lmao it’s so fucking funny pick one you guys. I gotta be one or the other- SIKE no I don’t. I’ve had people dump me over saying “I’m both cis and trans” which in hindsight seems kinda ableist because that was actually when I started IDing as plural so like. The idea you can’t be both is like. You know there are people with different experiences than you right. Like some common enough to be in textbooks. Not like some “out there” concepts like if you can grasp the concept of DID you can understand how perhaps to some degree a person can be different than their literal AGAB without being trans. Just for one example.

Sometimes I also fail to realize this but. When you reblog someone’s post, or comment on it, or send them an ask, etc… you are coming into THEIR space. I mean it very much went through my mind to be like “just ignore it” but I was like someone is coming onto MY post where I try and validate MY gender experiences and telling me people like ME are quite literally exactly what I’m talking about where I’m like actually I’m valid if I’m a little trans and outright saying “YOU AREN’T A LITTLE TRANS UWU” like. Hi it’s you you’re the problem you’re the people I’m validating myself to. Like I don’t care how politely and nicely you try and dress it up with inclusive language do not put me into a box I do not want to be put in because you think “that I have to be trans because I check xyz boxes” yeah literally. I know fully cis people who check “xyz boxes” and I ain’t out here telling them that actually they’re trans and valid for it. Like bro if you tell me you’re cis who am I to disagree.

In the near future you’ll never hear the words “I’m transgender” come out of my mouth directly. I might post it on here or say irl that I “dabble in transgenderism” but I do not outright say irl in person that I am transgender not because I’m “dealing with internalized transphobia” and “not ready to fully accept myself to be transgender in the real world instead of just offline” like no I just don’t ID as “transgender” period. Or you know what maybe I am but also who are you to say that’s what I am? How are you helping exactly? How is acting like I can’t “really accept myself for who I truly am” helping me any? Idk. Just because you have good intentions doesn’t make it better than the people who have bad intentions. Both are issues. Both are problematic.

Learn to go “actually it’s not my fucking business if someone is trans or cis or neither” and “they can call themselves whatever they want” and that includes NOT wanting to be included.

#bro like even Nimona says in the movie ‘I��m not a girl I’m just Nimona’#like I’m not a transgender person I’m just me #punk gets mail #personal

11 notes · View notes

amalasdraws · 1 year

Note

amalas! you're such an inspiration for so many of us, not only with your art, but also with who you are as a person

sorry if this ask comes off like rude, if so please ignore it, but I'm wondering if you have tips for someone who wishes to go from mildly popular in a fandom, to having engagement with original art. I seem to struggle a lot with that here, on tumblr

thank you for your time! keep being amazing <3 uwu

Hey hey, Awww thank you! I'm not sure I am (/)///(/) but I try my best! Sorry for the late reply. The question is not rude at all, but I thought long about how and if I can answer this and what a good answer would be. And I think I don't have a good one. I can however speak from my own experiences and share what I know and worked for me.

Social media and sharing art is tricky and I still don't get the "rules" or what works. And many things can be true at once! There is luck, and posting at the right time, and hitting someone the right nail and vibe, finding your people, having "the right" people to share your work and spread it. And it's work. One thing I mostly realized over the last two years is that there is a reason companies have social media managers and trying to keep up and relevant as a freelance artist is work! But I think this applies more for a freelance art business and for platforms like twitter, instagram, artstation etc. Sites with weird algorithm and short living posts. Tumblr is different and I think going into all my freelance hustle is also not what you are asking for and I'm getting off track :D

I think it's important to understand that when you are known for one thing, fandom art in this case, you will have followers who are only there for this specific fandom or ship. And you will lose them or not having support your original art. And that is okay!! But there will also always be people who are there for your art! And already having a basis of people who like your art due to fandom work is a great start!!

Now you just have to win them over for your original art!! And this can take time but if you are consistent and want it, just do your thing!! Be patient and do what you like!! And with this you will attract the people who are there for your art and characters! They will see your genuine joy and interest! And this will always attract people and pull them in!

I think in my case it helped that many of my fandom, or rather iwaoi art, was already close to my original art! I lend a lot from my first oc version to iwaoi and put a lot of my own interests and things into them! This made my iwaoi out of character for some, but I already managed to get the people who are interested in this kind of vibe and style. So the switch to my ocs was probably kinda smooth.

But overall I can say that me putting so much of myself and genuine interests and love into my art def attracted people and people with similar interests! Original art or even art for a ship or fandom you love has that! This special spark and someone behind who loves doing it. And it will shine through!! And if it doesn't work right away, give it time! Really! Do your thing! Be unapologetic you!! And the people who want that will come!

It also always helps to tell a bit of a story. Do you have special characters? Is there a story? You don't need to share all, but dropping small glimpses into their world within your art and maybe in small texts posts def help people to connect to your art and get interested!

But beyond all that, please understand that social media is tricky! And giving out advice is super hard because sometimes the little spark of luck is missing. Promotion and getting out there is work and tricky! And a lot of things won't come quick! Don't just do it for the likes and notes. And I know this is easier said than done!! And believe me I am not above this! we all want the engagement. But there needs to be an inner will that goes beyond that! That makes you enjoy doing it! Enjoy to draw and enjoy to put the work in on social media. To engage with people and share and not just for likes but because you like to do it!

And sometimes things will be slow and not work out right away. Just keep going and enjoy the journey!

I'm sorry, this got long and I feel I didn't really say anything helpful. As said, answering this is super hard!! And I never know how to cut myself short and give precise short answers!

On a last note: If you want to come off anon I'm happy to have a look at your art! Maybe I can give more insights when I see it on what and how could work. Or I can just reblog it and maybe have some more people see it! but this is just an offer and I totally understand if you don't want to!! No pressure!

I wish you all the best with your art!

#amalas answers #anon ask #social media #tricky question

49 notes · View notes

salxenia · 5 months

Text

"I feel like the vibes of the world have just gotten more off in the past few years, something big is gonna happen bc idk the stars and shit" is just the witchy, uwu hippy version of when Christians say the world is randomly going to shit because it's almost time for the rapture

So they don't have to look at all the very real life problems that are destroying humanity/the world, the patterns that people of power continue to play into for generations that continue to cause more and more problems.

Just so they can play the "omg how could this have happened, well I told you astrology said so" ignorant card when they're no longer struggling with mere first world problems but are actually dealing with the things they choose to ignore on TV and in the news, and no ethereal, otherworldly being has come to save them, fix them, or helped them conquer capitalism and fascism while they sit on their ass eating potato chips and going "yeah, karma and stuff". Bc gods forbid you actually acknowledge why life is ass, you'd rather make the situation worse by playing so far into ignorance that you're fooling and confusing everyone else and now everyone is convinced it's not bc of an imbalance of power, or rich people, it's only goddamn PLUTO.

"Somehow" everything was fine and just had "suspiciously dark vibes" and then "suddenly" it turned to shit. It's not like the people in the world have fucking raised their red flags and screamed what the issues have all been for years and y'all have just been like "life is such a mystery. Everything just FEELS more depressing and bad and awful but I'm not sure why. Anyway let me drink my microplastics in my overpriced house that I always make late payments on bc my job pays me 9 bucks an hour, while I stare across the street at the abandoned buildings that they're going to bulldoze because some homeless kids broke into it for shelter, while I contemplate on why everything is so depressing".

And it doesn't mean you can't spiritually believe in x or y thing, and also that fascism is bad. You can be like "ah yes the Pluto thing is warning us that if we don't fix this situation right now, that I'm aware is an issue, then we're absolutely fucked in the worst possible scenario and it'll up-end our entire life whether we want it to or not, but it'll be even worse for fucking around and finding out". Like spirituality is pretty much a tool to help you understand that if y'all don't figure out how to fix x thing, z thing is going to happen, and it'll be a lot more of a rough lesson than y thing.

Spirituality is NOT "idk, I know X thing is bad but Z thing is also happening and I believe it's because the stars foretold this would happen and- oh NOOOO, you mean Z and X thing were related to each other this whole time, and if I had helped to prevent, repair, or prepare for X, then Y would have happened instead, because Y and Z were both an option based on how there's ALWAYS a difference between letting something happen by choosing to be ignorant to it, and actively working to fix the situation or working around the situation, whaaaaat??"

Y'all just politically lazy and using spirituality as a reason to not care.

(And it's used in the same way for people who are toxic and avoiding self awareness as well. "somehow" the majority of people just don't like x person, for whatever reason, no matter how "nice or funny" they are, it must be written in the stars (or must be God's plan) but realistically it's because they're garbage human beings who treat people like shit every time someone gets close to them so they can't keep friends, and then they pride on scaring everyone else away bc "they hate people" by being nasty, rude, cold, evasive, etc, and their face shows how little they care about anybody around them, but yeah its because they're an Aries with a Scorpio moon that has people not liking their vibes).

Edit: and y'all be saying it to try and be the most woke and high vibrational person ever but it's actually the worst thing to say! "I feel like somehow the world just feels darker and more depressing" well clearly you're so far out of the loop for understanding and listening to the pain of your fellow humans that you genuinely think everything is a fucking mystery! Not to mention the depression of going through shit is something every generation goes through, why the fuck do you think boomers are cranky, bitter, and miserable??? They just lack the awareness to be politically educated and why they chalk everything up to Jesus or Satan- oh yeah, like you do with other things! Bc y'all don't sit with the problems of the world and y'all only feel like fixing it when there's irreparable damage that you can't deny, just like every-fucking-body else!

#toxic spirituality #toxic positivity #astrology #astrology chart #spiritual blindness #toxic #self awareness #avoidance

3 notes · View notes

softlittleheartsandsparkles · 7 months

Note

impure/pure thing always confused me. if agere was about "therapy" like they'll tell you. Then I don't understand the purpose behind the terms the community tries to make. Like impure/pure just really strikes a cord to me. like you said, we don't say pure/impure depression or other mental health issues. it just doesn't make sense.

Yup. To me it seems like again trying to target "maladaptive coping" but needing to baby it. or even trying to steal/borrow terms for communities like "vent art" & trying to add it to there community. But either way it's heavily uncomfortable because you're basically saying if someone has trauma, they dissociate and go back to their childlike state: there impure. But a person wanting to color because they wanna feel 'smol' and 'little like' thats pure? We don't even need to use terms like "little" when describing an activity that's been so actively/in process of being moved away from kids and something all ages can enjoy. So it can add stigma even. (imo) It's like people try to remove stigma from collecting toys and so many things, yet you got these same people being like "omg is anyone else a baby who collects toys?? colors?? omg omg omg" =__= ugh & impure has association with terms in my mind too like: "dirty", "wrong". etc. It just adds shame and embarrassment. So yeah it feels elitist almost. Like "dang I cope compared to those trauma people. uwu" (And I mean there is elitism in that community. Much like the "at least i'm not doing drugs" debates I'd see. Why are you comparing and optional choice to drug use? Why can't you pick a hobbie or sport and say "compared to snowboarding, I like coloring." "Compared to a horror movie, I like cartoons or anime" Like no, lets go smack some people who use drugs down so I can build myself up and feel better about myself! yuck.) I wish that community wasn't so heavily focused on labeling behaviors or trying to create *cutesy* labels because I think thats honestly apart of the problem. I wish that community could just accept they enjoy things, or do struggle with regression in a non-choice way. (again trauma is what i'm going to point at.) But it's why I don't interact. It also doesn't help my inner child or trauma to be told 'hey your being real impure!" like thanks, golly. Now I need a shower. XD

#scribbles #xD i need to stop answering these cause i'm ranting lol

2 notes · View notes

unioncolours · 10 months

Note

I want you at your most violent, my dear, but for now I shall settle on:

14, 16, 20, 24 please!!

Choosing violence 😈

14 that one thing you see in fics all the time

In fics with romance in them angst that is 100% based in trouble in the relationship like miscommunication and/or problems that arise and become uncontrollable because of bad self-esteem in one or both parties of the couple, and not angst based in stakes beyond the ship itself (war, political intrigue etc) in a tale that can be romantic.

16 you can’t understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I am SO TORN between disliking woobification (oh poor uwu character who must be tortured) and wonder if I am guilty of it too and therefore cannot dislike it. It's hypocritical of me to claim I am ✨different✨ compared to everyone else in how I write characters struggling for different reasons, but it is a vice I seemingly cannot escape. But if I am allowed to say that a *certain* flavour of "poor uwu tortured male character" then that, even if I actually do know why people like it.

Also omegaverse.

20 part of canon you found tedious or boring

Different training montages - Naruto and Jiraiya's adventures together, a lot of the parts with Orochimaru and Sasuke in Shippuden.

24 topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

In Naruto fandom specifically: UGH THE FIGHTING BETWEEN "STANS" OF DIFFERENT FEMALE CHARACTERS. Chill, all of you, and take Ino's name out of your mouths.

In fandom as a broad, large concept: Anti vs proship, different fanzine dramas based in censorship.

Thank you for asking 💕😈

#majsasaurus

2 notes · View notes

editoress · 2 years

Note

the gay pirate flag show~, legend of zelda, unsounded, suitor armor, star wars + pick your poison

From this most dangerous ask prompt. Salt for each under the cut. Half thoughtful attention to my favorite medias and half proof that I'm simply contrary.

Our Flag Means Death

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Sadly, fandom has largely trashed my appreciation for Steddyhands (the ot3, you know). When I first saw it, I was instantly intrigued! They looked so happy; I wanted to know more! But the majority of what I found at the time was 'perfectly healthy Ed/Stede where they have to housetrain that awful Izzy,' and that was such a turn-off. I have found just enough good content since that I don't immediately scroll past the stuff, but it remains dire out here.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

It's the deadly combo of the way people make Izzy out to be the very devil with the way they make BLACKBEARD out to be an uwu sad boy who can't help his own actions. This comes as a package deal more often than not, and I can't stand any of it. Can't they just be a couple of homicidal assholes?

Legend of Zelda

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

This Hylia and Demise stuff? Would be gonzo. Wind Waker probably had one of the best, most heartbreaking approaches to the cycle, and I want to keep canon along those lines. Less ancient spirits manifesting as people to duke out their cosmic battle. More people born into roles they struggle to understand and resist. Zelda as a smart woman who questions her own destiny. Ganondorf as a Gerudo, in a way where that context informs his actions, not where he's just some incarnated demon disguised as a Gerudo.

Unsounded

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

DUANE ADELIER FUCKS. HE FUCKED THEN AND HE FUCKS NOW. AND I WOULD FUCK HIM

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Probably all of them. Cope just makes baller characters that I love to see, excepting the occasional 2D hate-target like Starfish. In particular: people can't wrap their minds around Bastion's mad scientist morality, but the fact is he's fantastic both as a character and as an entertaining, badass drama queen; and several people got nasty at Leysa for remarrying, but she ALWAYS has my full support. She's always done what makes sense for her, and she is full of love.

Suitor Armor

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

Honestly? The protagonist is on thin ice. And it's not because she's a bad character; I'm having a great time writing Lucia in my ongoing fic. It's the protagonist bias in the story. We get so few scenes away from her, because only what Lucia does matters, yet she does so little. It's a slow court romance story. Not a lot of plot. Which is fine, but it means following one person around gets boring, and giving a single person all the narrative weight in a fantasy court setting is a weird move. Most of all, I'm getting impatient with the way the narrative supports everything she does as absolutely correct, no consequences to be found.

23. Unpopular character you love?

The villain, of course! Every single time he shows up, I think of the line, "Have you thanked a villain for your plot today?" He's fun. He has style. But most importantly, he's carrying the plot on his back and I'm grateful for some juicy conflict in between the scenes of pining. A lot of fans hate him because they think a cartoon guy should be judged on real life morality. You've seen the type of fan

Star Wars

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

I never hated Reylo, but fandom definitely cannonballed me from casually liking it to actively, deeply enjoying it. 99% of my dash became utterly obnoxious whining about how Reylo, the basic baby's first enemies-to-lovers, was scandalously abusive, etc. Out of annoyance, I really dug into the themes and AUs, and I super enjoyed myself!

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

If I ever meet Dave Filoni and His Cronis, they will all pay for the pacifist Mandalore arc.

4 notes · View notes

nastybuckybarnes · 3 years

Text

All the King’s Men - One

Pairing: Alpha!King!Bucky X Omega!Reader

Summary: Your father always said that if it weren’t for your presentation, he’d think you were an Alpha. There’s a reason for that. Growing up in a world where Omegas are treated like garbage, you’ve fought for the respect that you have. Until you’re sold off to an old King desperate for a bride. But you will not lay down and present for your new husband. No, you will fight back.

Warnings: Langauge, Angst, Fluff, Smut, ABO Dynamics (marking, knotting, scenting, etc.), Enemies to Lovers, More to Come

Word Cont: 5K

A/n: When I finish one royal au I start another uwu. I’m not sure how often I’ll be updating, but hopefully more now that things with my book are done. Um.. yeah, enjoy!

This is a still-developing idea, so it may take me a bit longer to update. Also, only tagging dark because it’s a little dark at times but not an entirely dark fic. Taglist for the series is open, though.

~*~

“I truly do not understand why we need to follow such archaic patriarchal customs!” You complain for the thousandth time, tugging against the rope binding your arms behind your back.

Your brother and your father exchange glances while your mother smiles softly at you, reaching through the carriage window to brush your hair back.

"You must understand why we’re doing this, (Y/n). If there were any other way, we would take it.” You hum sarcastically, not believing a single word she’s saying.

Marrying you off is the easiest way to forge an alliance between the two kingdoms. That much is beyond obvious. But why they’re sending you to marry a man more than twice your own age is beyond you.

“Must I really go?” Your voice is a soft whimper, a final desperate plea for them to rethink their decision. And for a moment you see regret flash over your mother’s face.

“I wish things were different, my dear,” she whispers, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “But you will one day see that this is what’s best for your kingdom. You have a duty, as I did, and as your brother does. We must do what is right, even if it is the least favourable option for some of us.”

You shake your head, tugging out of her grip and grinding your teeth together.

“Fine.”

Your one word is enough to have your mother stepping away from the carriage with a sad look in her eyes.

“If you think that we will not miss you, you are wrong,” your father says, taking a step towards you.

“Clearly my presence alone is not enough for you to rethink your decision,” you snap, not wanting to hear them try and make themselves feel better about this situation.

“You may grow to like it there,” your mother tries, “You’ll be married and become queen. You may not love your husband, but you may find friendship within him.” You look at her for a long moment before turning and facing the guard sitting across from you.

“At least try, (Y/n). Attempt to be agreeable,” your father pleads softly.

You say nothing, and they take that as the end of the conversation.

The carriage starts moving along the gravel road, bumping and jostling you far more than you’d like, but you can’t steady yourself because of your bound arms.

You stay silent for nearly an hour, having nothing to say to the people with you until the ropes start to chafe uncomfortably on your wrists.

“May I be released from my bonds?” The two guards sitting across from you exchange glances for a moment before one of them speaks.

“We are under strict instructions not to cut them until we have reached our destination. My apologies, your highness.”

You huff a sigh and slouch forward, twisting your hands and trying to find a way to slip from them.

“You’ll only make the burns worse,” Wanda whispers from beside you, trying her best to get you to stop struggling. You turn your glare to her, only to soften your features shortly after.

“What do we know of my husband,” you sneer the words then raise your eyebrows at the guards, daring them to say anything.

“He has never before wed. He’s had omegas to quell his ruts but never before has he had a wife. You will be the first.”

You hum your agreement.

First and last, if you have anything to do with it. Your marriage with your husband will not last long, and neither will his life.

~*~

The King doesn’t look his age. He doesn’t look twenty years your senior. No, he’s handsome.

You’d imagined he’d be wrinkled and greyhaired. But the man before you, the Alpha before you is very good-looking.

Hard blue eyes and dark brown hair, and a physique that the men in your kingdom wish they could achieve. He’s easily a full head taller than you, if not more, and his body is thick with muscle that he must use to conquer both Kingdoms and Women.

His hair is pulled back in a tight bun and his hands are clasped gently in front of himself, one flesh and one metal.

Ah, so the rumours are true.

You stand before the King and his righthand man with your arms bound behind your back, a defiant scowl on your face.

“May we present her Royal Highness, Princess (Y/n) (Y/l/n), of Lothiella. And His Majesty, King James, of Veronia.” The King bows, but you stay standing tall and defiant, which surprises everyone but those who know you.

“You will bow to your king, girl,” A woman sneers from beside him, her hair as yellow as corn silk.

You raise your brows at her.

“Is that any way to speak to your future queen?” You question, cocking your head to the side.

The courtyard is silent until the King lets out a chuckle.

“It’s alright, Sharon. The Princess needs time to get settled.”

He walks towards you, pausing when he’s right in front of you.

He seems so much larger like this. Thick with muscle and towering over you without even trying. He’s an intimidating man, but you’re not afraid.

He must smell that. Smell the spicy yet warm defensive cinnamon rolling off you in waves of cinnamon.

“You’re fiery, Omega. Is that why they delivered you to me gift wrapped so nicely?” The way his lips turn upwards has you glaring at him, a tsunami of cinnamon assaulting his nostrils.

“They bound me to prevent me from escaping on my travels here. Because they were wise enough to know I’d rather die at the hands of a wicked beast than spend a moment here with you.” The words are spat with malice and poison, but he only laughs as if you’re a puppy bearing your teeth at him.

“You’re cute, Omega. But surely you must know that I am a wicked beast.”

He snaps his fingers then nods towards you, ignoring the growl that rises from your chest.

“Have her highness prepped. We sign the papers in an hour and the wedding is at sundown.”

~*~

“And now, may the King welcome his new queen with her first dance,” the announcer says, voice booming and echoing through the ballroom. You want to fight your new husband as he takes your hand and leads you to the centre of the floor, right where all eyes can see you.

The two of you bow to each other, you suppressing a growl at the action while he simply seems bored.

His hand is placed gingerly on the small of your back, metal flexing and cooling your skin through the fabric of your gown.

The music begins, as does the dance. It is practiced and perfected, each step measured perfectly to the nearest millimetre.

If your mother were here she’d be proud of how lady-like you’re being.

The perfect Omega Princes.

Queen, now.

He spins you, the skirt of your gown billowing out around your legs.

“You look lovely,” he murmurs, his fingers splaying ever so slightly on your back.

“Do not pretend that this is anything but political,” you hiss in his ear, your face a mask of serene beauty, but your words have the bite of a viper.

“I want nothing to do with you, and I will not bow to you. This marriage will not last long, you mark my words.”

He steps back with the music, extending his arm and spinning you gently before pulling you back into his embrace.

“Do you think that I want this? I was forced into this, the same as you. However, I thought I might be able to make the most of your company, seeing as it is your purpose to bear my children. We may as well be civil.”

It takes nearly all of your self-control not to rip his jugular out, and he must smell the anger bubbling within you because he chuckles.

“I will bear no children for you. I am not a mare to be bred, do you understand?” He dips you abruptly, then yanks you back up just as fast, but you’re sure the movement looks tender to those looking on.

His nose is far too close to your scent gland, close enough to scent you and mark you as his if he were so inclined.

“I am a King and I will take what I want from you. You are my Omega, my wife, and it is your duty to obey me.” Your nails dig into his shoulder, the action making him wince slightly.

“I am not your Omega, and your wife only in title. And if that is how you truly see it, then I am also the Queen of your people and you will respect me.”

A soft growl bubbles in his chest at how stubborn you are, but he says nothing otherwise, and the rest of the dance is completed in silence.

“Come, my Queen,” he sneers your new title as the crowd applauds. “I think it is time we consummated our marriage, wouldn’t you agree?” You gnash your teeth together but offer him a sickeningly sweet smile, mind immediately going to the opportunity at hand.

“Of course, My King.” Acid drips from your voice and he all but rolls his eyes.

“The Queen and I take our leave for the night. We thank you for your gifts and your wishes and invite you to stay as long as you wish. Feast on the food, drink the ale, and enjoy yourselves as we will be.” Bellows of laughter erupt and you stop yourself from stomping on the King’s foot.

He turns and ushers you out of the ballroom, his hand far too tight in your own.

“If you would be so kind, my King, I would like to exchange my gown for something more comfortable. And I am sure there are many things you need to prepare for the consummation, given your age.” You smile an innocent smile and the King grinds his teeth together but lets go of your hand.

“You will come directly to my chambers once you’re done, do you understand?” You nod your head ‘yes’ bow swiftly, then turn on your heel and walk to your chambers, all the while feeling his eyes on your figure.

Alphas are so predictable.

Once safely in your chambers, you begin shedding the layers of your gown with the help of your lady-in-waiting.

“Wanda, fetch me the silk pouch beneath my pillow,” you say softly, pulling on a simpler gown that will have to suffice for tonight.

Your heart is racing in your chest as Wanda brings you the pouch, and you quickly pull the items out.

The garter gets tied tightly around your upper thigh, the dagger sliding comfortably into the sheath and a small vial of poison fitting in beside it.

When you drop your skirts back down, Wanda is staring at you in shock.

“You mean to kill the King?” She asks in a hushed whisper.

You fluff your hair up and inspect yourself in the mirror for a moment before nodding and turning to the door.

“We will not remain imprisoned in this Palace, Wanda. You mark my words.” With that, you take your leave and walk down the dimly lit hallway towards the King’s Chambers.

To distract yourself from the anxiety of that task you’ll be doing, you take in your surroundings.

The Palace is nice, that much is obvious. A place of wealth, if the marble floors and thick furred rugs covering them are any indication. It’s not nearly as flashy and overwhelming as some other Palace’s you’ve been in, but you don’t see that as a reflection of the New King’s character.

Before you know it, you’ve reached the King’s door.

Hesitant fingers knock against the oak door, and he beckons you inside gruffly.

His scent engulfs you immediately, cedar and sage and something so musky and delicious that it has your mouth watering. The thick, powerful aroma pulls you inside, draws you in and makes you feel far more comfortable than it should.

The King’s chambers are simple. A grand bed sits against the far wall, taking up far more space than a bed should. Across is a wardrobe, and in the corner near the balcony doors is a desk where the King is currently seated, eyes focused on a document.

“Come in. There’s wine on the cart. It should help loosen you up, given how uptight you are. I can only imagine the strain that bedding you will be.” You take a deep breath and, to his surprise, say nothing. No, instead you walk to the cart and keep your back to him while your fingers silently raise your skirts.

The vial is in your hand, fingers trembling slightly as you unscrew the cap and pour the contents into one of the goblets, filling it with wine right after. You tuck the vial back in your garter, then fill the other goblet and make your way over to the king, trying desperately to calm your racing heart.

He sets down the document and looks at you for a moment before nodding to the desk in front of himself, urging you to sit. You do, sitting on the mahogany desk and offering him the goblet with the poison.

He takes it, but before you can take a sip from yours he pulls that one from you too, setting it down on the desk beside you.

His hand comes up to gently caress the side of your face, his thumb sliding down to linger on your lips while he takes a deep breath through his nose, eyes flashing amber at the scent of you. That sweet omega scent that radiates off of you in waves.

“There is no need for us to have separate goblets, my darling. You are my wife. So have a sip, go on. What’s mine is yours after all.” You offer him a smile and shake your head.

“How will we unwind if we only share this amount?” He stands up, towering over you and pushing his way between your legs.

“We will simply refill it, darling. Now, have a sip.” You press your lips into a tight line, and the king grins at you, flesh fingers pushing on your cheeks until your lips pop open.

He pours some of the wine into your mouth, watching with dark eyes as a single drop runs down the side of your mouth, over your neck and getting absorbed by the material of your dress, forever staining the fabric.

You hold the wine in your mouth, trying desperately to maintain your composure, and the man between your legs only chuckles.

He leans in, lips gingerly brushing over yours before he speaks.

“If you want to kill me, you’ll have to do better than that.” And then he’s kissing you, sucking the wine right out of your mouth and saving you from the fate that was meant for him.

He pulls away and spits the wine directly onto the floor, his hands yanking your skirts up and for a moment you’re afraid he’ll take you right then and there.

As you’re beginning to fight back, he pulls the dagger out of its sheath and slams it into his desk, the blade stuck deep in the wood.

His eyes stay on yours as he backs up a step, then two, and then he turns and walks to the bed.

Your chest heaves as you watch him pull his shirt off, the encounter having scared you but also making heat pool in your lower belly.

He glances at you over his shoulder, muscles in his back flexing for a moment while his eyes darken at the scent of your arousal.

“What are you waiting for? We have a marriage to consummate, don’t we?”

You swallow hard and push yourself off of the desk, walking over to him reluctantly because you know that you could very well be killed for refusing him. And a small, twisted part of you doesn’t want to refuse him. No, the alpha before you is strong and big and everything that your inner omega desires.

He eyes you up and down as if you’re nothing more than a mare to be bred, and your lip curls in disgust.

He chuckles, taking a step towards you, heat and pheromones rolling off of his toned chest and making your head spin.

“Are you going to remove your garments, or are you wanting me to do that for you?” You glare up at him, maintaining complete eye contact as you yank your dress down, standing before him in nothing more than your empty garter.

Confidence oozes from you, the smell tangy and citrusy like someone is forcing oranges down his throat, but something about it is intriguing.

Never has he met such a confident and fierce omega.

He breaks the staring contest first, his eyes raking over your naked body and devouring every inch of you. A smirk forms on your lips and you cross your arms over your chest, accentuating your bust and jutting your hip out slightly to the side as you both see and smell his body’s reaction to you.

“What are you waiting for, oh great King? We have a marriage to consummate.” His eyes dart up to yours, the blues devoured by his pupils, then grabs your waist and pushes you onto the bed.

The breath leaves you for a moment, but when it returns you wish it hadn’t. You’re completely surrounded by his scent. No matter which way you turn your head you can’t escape it.

He watches you as he sheds his trousers, hard cock springing free and dripping with precum.

Your eyes widen slightly and you look from his member to his face a few times, the shock evident in your expression.

You knew alphas were big, but you’re not sure if he’ll fit inside you.

“Hands and knees, Omega. Present for me.” You shake your head, far too stubborn to do that, and he growls, grabbing you by your ankles and forcing you to roll onto your stomach.

His metal hand is on your back, forcing your torso to stay pinned to the bed while his flesh hand hoists your hips up, pussy presented for him, just like an omega should.

He groans at the sight of you and leans down, nose trailing over your inner thighs and inhaling deeply.

“A sweet omega,” he murmurs, fingers pulling your lower lips apart to expose you completely to him.

A snarl rips from your chest and you wiggle your hips away from him, warning him.

A harsh smack to your backside makes you yelp, body instinctively submitting, back arching for him.

“I am not your omega,” you spit, venom lacing the words. He only chuckles and stands back up to his full height, cock pressed against your slit and quickly getting covered in your slick.

“Oh really?” He thrusts through your folds a few times before pulling back, the tip teasing your entrance.

“Tell me then, who has had you before? Huh? What other alpha has feasted on you? Has forced you to submit? Who else has had this sweet omega cunt before me?” he slowly pushes in, groaning at how tight you are while you grip the bedsheets beside your head, the feeling so foreign yet so right.

He only makes it a few inches in before he’s met with resistance and he’s shocked.

Of course, he had been told that you were an untouched omega, but with the attitude you have, he wasn’t sure.

His hold on your hips softens for a moment, and he rubs his flesh hand along your spine.

“You are untouched. Untarnished by other men.” You growl softly, not liking the fact that he’s aware of your purity.

“Get on with it. Or is your knot too old? Are you unable to knot me because you’ve had far too many years of- oh!” He pushes into you roughly, forcing every thick inch of his manhood into you and keeping it there.

You’re stuffed full of his alpha cock and your tiny little pussy looks so pretty taking it all. He can’t wait to make you take his knot too.

Your attitude is gone for a moment, the mixture of pleasure and pain making your eyes roll back into your head, slick coating the inside of your thighs and dripping down onto the bed.

“Nothing to say now, huh, Omega?” The use of your title makes your pussy clench, your body’s natural reaction to having such a powerful and perfect alpha making you submit to him.

“You’re gonna take my cock nice and deep in your pussy, and then you’re gonna take my knot too. You’re gonna be my obedient little omega and you’re gonna swell nice and round with my pups.”

You want to growl, you try to, but the only noise that comes out is a soft mewl.

The alpha behind you chuckles softly, rolling his hips a few times before starting up a steady pace.

“Maybe I should mark you, little omega. Really show everyone who you belong to.” This time you do growl, the sound warning and threatening.

“Mark me and I will tear your knot off with my teeth and spit it -oh gods... spit it right back in your mouth.” You hate how good he feels inside of you, how right it feels to have his thick alpha cock right inside of your cunt.

He only laughs, hips slowing for a long moment before he starts up a brutally quick pace, his hands holding tight to your hips and forcing you to feel every inch of him.

The thick ring of muscle at the base of his cock starts to inflate, and for a moment you’re afraid. You’re not sure if he’ll fit inside of you.

“You gonna take me like a good omega? Huh? Gonna let me breed you all nice?” You whine softly, back arching further against your will, but the alpha behind you howls in delight.

Any semblance of propriety is thrown out the window as your primal urges take over, pheromones and the stench of sex filling your nostrils and making your eyes roll back.

The coil in your belly tightens, it squeezes tightly then snaps hard, sending you spiralling into an orgasm.

Your walls clamp down hard on his cock and he snarls at the feeling, eyes burning a bright Amber at the pleasure.

He drapes his body over yours, one hand supporting his weight on top of you while the other shoves your head to the side, baring your neck for him.

Hips thrusting wildly, he chases his own release, stuffing his knot inside of your tight channel just as he cums.

He paints your walls white, coats them with his seed and pumps you full, his swollen knot preventing any from spilling out.

His teeth find their way to your throat, biting down hard on the tender flesh and embedding deep in the skin, marking you as his. Showing the world that you are claimed, owned.

The feeling of his teeth in your neck and his knot in your pussy has your orgasm continue, or maybe a new one starts, but either way, you cannot form a single coherent thought, not with the way he feels inside of you.

The rawness of the new bond between the two of you shakes him to his core, and he’s surprised for a moment at how strong it is. He shakes off the thought, though, and pulls his teeth back only to lave over the spot gently with his tongue.

Your thighs tremble, entire body aching and spent from the intensity of mating, and the King takes note of that quickly. He rolls the both of you onto your sides, his knot still locking you together, but the new position allows you to relax into the bed, eyelids heavy.

“As much as you resent it you are my omega,” he whispers, voice low and husky in your ear and your walls flutter around his knot at it, making him groan softly.

You take a deep breath, sleep tugging at your mind, but you’ve one more thing to say before you allow yourself to rest.

“You may think that I am your omega, but I assure you that I am not.”

He’s quiet, thinking about your words, about your vigour and determination even long after you’ve fallen asleep and his knot has deflated.

He keeps his cock warm in your body to ensure his seed takes root. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued by you.

Your very existence tests the extent of his limits, and he’s sure you won't stop until you’ve pushed every limit and broken every boundary he has in place.

And something inside of him is eager for that to happen.

~*~

The sound of birds singing pulls you from your slumber, and for a moment you’re confused.

This is not what your chambers look like.

The events of the previous day come rushing into your mind and you look around, ears peeled and nose sniffing the air for any trace of your new husband.

He’s gone. The only evidence that he was ever there in the first place is the throbbing mark on your neck and the ache between your thighs.

You pull the blankets up to cover your chest and swing your legs over the edge of the bed, about to get up and leave when there's a soft knock on the door.

You don’t even answer, no, the person lets themselves in and offers you a friendly smile.

“Good morning, Your Majesty. I trust that you’re well-rested?” You nod, recognizing the woman as your new personal guard.

You push yourself to your feet and she frowns, moving to your side and gingerly pushing your shoulder until you’re seated again.

“His majesty has demanded that you remain in bed to allow his seed to take root.” You raise your eyebrows at her and scoff, shaking your head.

“Tell his Majesty that he can kiss my ass,” you reply, standing up and stretching, wincing slightly when you feel warmth trickle slowly down your leg.

“Natalia, will you go fetch me something to wear? And make sure it’s suitable for outdoors, I’d like to visit the archery range today.”

Visit the archery range you do. After several hours of horseback riding, and acquainting yourself with the stable staff, you’re testing out your new bow.

Arrows fly through the air and hit the targets effortlessly, and you feel some tension leave your shoulders.

“I thought I told you to stay abed today.” Just like that, the tension returns.

“I thought I told you that you cannot tell me what to do, no matter how hard you try.” You speak without removing your eyes from your target, adjusting your grip the slightest bit while the King chuckles.

“Last night would beg to differ.”

You release the arrow, hitting the target directly in the centre, then turn to face your husband.

“Need I remind you just how obvious your desperation for me was? You need me. You want me. Do not forget that your body will betray you every time. Even now,” your eyes dart down to the erection straining against his trousers, “you want nothing more than to bend me over. You cannot deny that you long for me.” He takes a step towards you, growling once in warning.

“You will watch your tongue.” You raise your brows, challenging him and taking a step closer.

“Or what? What will you do, oh mighty King?”

His metal hand is gripping your throat in the blink of an eye, not hard enough to hurt but enough to show you that he could hurt you if he wanted to.

He backs you up, forces you backwards until your back hits a training post.

“Queens are not so hard to come by,” he murmurs, eyes dark.

You only hum, body thrumming with arousal as his grip tightens the slightest bit.

“At your age, they may be harder to please.” His brows furrow and he takes a breath through his nose, shaking his head with a soft chuckle.

“And you said I was desperate for you. You’re soaking through your skirts, aren’t you?” You say nothing, only pull your bottom lip in a silent dare for him to check.

Feeling the change in the air, the electricity flowing through your bond, he does just that.

He flips your skirts up and shoves his flesh hand between your thighs, letting out a sound of surprise when he finds you bare and desperate.

You elbow is at his wrist, shoving it away from your throat and then you’re lifting a foot to the back of his knees, sending him tumbling to the ground.

Pouncing on him, you shove him onto his back and straddle his torso, your heart jumping in your chest.

“Your age must truly be catching up with you,” you muse, “I thought you were supposed to be a big strong alpha. But no, you were easily overpowered by an omega.” He growls from a low place in his chest but makes no move to get up. Instead, he lets you have your fun.

“What will you do, Omega? Will you kill me?” You purse your lips, pondering this for a moment before pulling a knife from its secure place on your calf.

“Maybe I will.” He’s surprised for a moment, that much is obvious, and you can’t help the pride that swells in you as you raise the knife high above your head then slam it back down, only for both of your wrists to be held captive in his metal hand.

He flips you over, slams your back against the ground and pins your arms above your head. His legs force yours apart, his bulge pressed tightly against your core.

“Do not test me, little omega,” he growls, leaning down to nip at the mark on your neck. A jolt shoots through your entire body but he pulls away after a moment longer, rising to his feet and adjusting himself in his trousers.

“Do not forget who’s mark you wear on your neck.” With that, he turns and walks away, leaving you lying alone in the grass, heart thundering in your chest.

You push yourself into a seated position with a huff, a frown painting your face as you watch him walk away.

An arrogant alpha. What else did you really expect?

#bucky x reader #alpha!bucky x omega!reader #alpha!bucky #marvel abo #omega!reader #royal au #royal abo au #king!bucky x reader #alpha!king!bucky #king!alpha!bucky x reader #alpha bucky x omega reader #alpha bucky x omega you #a/b/o dynamics #Bucky Barnes x reader

2K notes · View notes

tarobytez · 3 years

Text

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant.

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist.

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is.

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”.

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me.

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.

Oh fucking boy.

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully.

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled.

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability.

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community.

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged.

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people.

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted.

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows.

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

2K notes · View notes

nari-nim · 3 years

Text

yeosang as your boyfriend

nari note: kicking off the bf series with this king. who do you want to see next? creds for gif goes to @holy-yeosang

Let’s be honest, you might have to make the first move with him

But it’s worth it because yeosang is actually such boyfriend material

He takes comfort in established familiarity and warm-heartedness, so likes taking things slow and understanding your personality more than anything

Shy boi at first even as y’all are dating

It can take a long time to reach the point he’s super comfortable.

But please be patient with him because he really has super intense and strong feelings for you

Super playful and chaotic once he feels max comfortable around you!!

Type to be quiet around others but then rambles nonstop with you. Would be so funny too, he has so many hot takes he was holding in

Can be unpredictable, but not in a bad way!

More like he just stares at you in such a straight face until you get slightly worried, but he just feeds you three pocky sticks, kisses your lips as you are munching in confusion, and then leaves

Also please he’s so funny??? Like it’s not the type of humor like Wooyoung who just is so loud and makes everyone laugh, but the type where he makes such snarky or intellectual jabs at the situation/those around him

So it just ends up with the two of your snickering on the side

So many inside jokes

So much laughter, always

Definitely the type to tease you as his form of flirting

Enjoys personal attention and lots of eye contact when talking about literally anything that comes to mind

Really likes just sitting with you somewhere cozy and talking about life for hours and hours on end

Once he’s comfortable, he’s actually so adorably expressive and unafraid to return PDA

While he may struggle with emotional expression at times, physical affection can stand in loving words for him

While not as touchy as San or Wooyoung, he isn’t afraid to have the two of you be in your own world

Sits close to you at any given opportunity and quietly takes care of you

Like offering you snacks first, moves your hair behind your ears, urges you to wrap you arms around his, gives you his jacket

He’s the type to love you quietly

Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are so incredibly thoughtful and attentive

For example, he may not be tripping over himself to tell you just how much he loves you 24/7 but he never fails to open soft drinks for you after the one time your nail broke in front of him when you tried to pry the metal tab open, he literally ignores the group chat but makes sure he bids you good morning and good night because he’s seen how happy they make you feel, etc

Ok but he is so kind even if he rarely voices it. You can absolutely count on him to be there for emotional and practical support whenever it’s needed.

Very trusting in the relationship

He is really understanding of you having friends/a life outside of him so he’s less likely to get jealous

Really rational in disagreements

Sometimes it can get hard to read his expressions, so it’s important you both learn to communicate a lot to keep the relationship healthy! He’s actually really good at voicing his thoughts and opinions well once he has the space to do so

Values reciprocation

Will do aegyo to make you blush or sway things in his favor. And then will proceed to hide his face immediately after

please he is Adorable

You’re his hype man. He will also then get super shy, but loves every single second of it. Secretly wants you to hype him up nonstop

I think he secretly really enjoys words of affirmation as his primary love language (receiving).

Compliments can be a little rare from him, so when he does compliment you, you know he really means it!!

And he will roast you

Sometimes, he has his fun by occasionally starting some verbal sparring followed by intense making up.

Like he’ll choose a topic and say something so wild about it just to see your expression. Pushes your buttons a little before either one of you has to shut the other up through a make out session or a bet

Just very trustworthy, loyal, loving and faithful as a whole uwu

NSFW after this

With that being said, he’s a switch

I don’t see power play being as big of deal for him tbh, he likes to go with the flow with what you both feel like during the moment

literally his preference to dom or sub may actually depend on you and the dynamic of the relationship

when he’s dom, he’s soft or hard depending on the mood as well

but ngl I’m leaning on that hard dom agenda

Sex with him can start out a bit vanilla at first

He’s so careful and wants you to be comfy :’)

But give it a few rounds and lots of communication, his kinky ass will take over

Takes a lot of joy in pleasing you, and can take this to an extreme where he just wants to watch you cum again and again and again from his touch

Um can be a bit of a sadist

Type to ask you if it hurts while overstimulating you and says “good” when you moan in affirmation

Secretly has a thing to see you cry

Also really likes edging

He likes driving you so desperate to the point you’re begging him to let you cum

As you’re reaching and moaning for him he’ll say in a teasing tone “oh really, what do you want? You want my cock? Hm? Is that it?”

Just to hear your pleady whines

That mocking tone will send shivers down anyone’s spine

Oh My God you cannot tell me he won’t have a degradation kink (giving)

Also the type to be like “use your words” while he’s going down on you and then proceed to suck your clit extra hard, making you unable to form coherent sounds through your loud moans. It then becomes his excuse to edge you for yet another round because you didn’t use your words, did you?

Whew, anyways

Grab onto his biceps while he rails into you and notice how they flex underneath you as he starts pounding harder in response

Likes to show off his gains by pushing you up against a wall

Also likes it when you top him

Likes hearing you really vocal, even though he’s more on the quieter side when he isn’t dirty talking

Usually just groans when hitting an extra sensitive spot or when you give a particularly good blowjob that day

Likes having you go down on him as foreplay, but prefers penetration as an end goal

Into the classic missionary and launchpad positions so he can see your expression clearly as he overstimulates/edges you

Likes seeing you look up at him through those teary eyes <3

But also very into doggy style

Likes fucking you into the sheets in general, so any position adjacent to that is on his favorites list

um his fingering game is so strong

In the mornings, likes slowly fucking you from behind while spooning you so he can also grab onto your tits or play with your clit

His end goal always is to make you feel so fucking good, it just manifests differently than service tops like Seonghwa or Yunho

Very private about your sex life and not into public sex at all

Possessive in that way. Only he can touch you like that, see you like that, hear your moans like that, etc

Likes hearing you confirm that

“Only I can make you scream like this”

“Who fucks you this good, huh?”

“C’mon, say it louder.”

Has one hell of a degradation kink (giving) me thinks

Likes it when you talk back, lowkey likes brat taming when he’s in a dom mood

But does like teasing you in public and keeping it like that until you both find a bedroom, gets off on the idea of you both having to hide your neediness in public

Very little people expect that from just seeing you both together in regular settings

But little do they know despite the two of you innocently sitting together eating brunch with the team, leaving a few inches for jesus, y’all just had the freakiest sex before getting there. Like you’re literally shifting around in your seat as the soreness kicks in, and Yeosang is smirking ever so slightly at your discomfort

Will rest a heavy head on your upper thigh for a few seconds, brushing his pinky finger against your clothed clit through the thin fabric of your outfit, as he reaches for the bread basket

Likes hearing that little gasp leaving your lips

Knows he’s leaving you very frustrated and will use that to his advantage later

The whole time, he has the most innocent, fair expression on his face

when he’s a sub tho?

similar vibes. wants you to feel good.

Still wants to dirty talk, but it’s far more subservient now

one quick way to get him into subspace

if you push him far enough, then he’s so pouty and clingy and fucking cute

It’s so rare to see him like this but always such a treat

favorite positions is to have you ride him and he’ll play with your tits

or he’s still fucking you into the sheets but you are 100% in control

Just imagine him all whiny and teary as he fucks into you, begging you to let him cum as your clench your walls purposely around him, making him yelp as he tries to still his shaking thighs to wait for your signal

actually can be quite obedient as a sub

truly will do his best to be your good boy

Anyways, aftercare is pretty good with him. He’s very caring and gentle and checks in a lot with you (he better, usually he fucks quite a few rounds out of you)

If he’s fucked out tho, make sure he is also taken care of! As a sub, he follows your orders so well so he’ll probably fall asleep so fast after intensely cumming for the nth time

At the very least wipes you both down clean with a warm washcloth and kisses you to sleep

Likes spooning you at the end :’)

give him his cuddles </3

masterlist

#ateez #ateez yeosang #yeosang #yeosang smut #ateez yeosang smut #ateez yeosang imagines #ateez yeosang fluff #kang yeosang #ateez yeosang scenarios #ateez yeosang headcanon #ateez headcanons #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez yeosang as your boyfriend #yeosang fluff #yeosang headcanon #kang yeosang smut #yeosang imagines #yeosang headcanons

340 notes · View notes

iamanartichoke · 3 years

Note

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

#asks #charlotte replies #loki pokey artichokey #loki series #loki series criticism #loki meta #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide attempt #tw suicide #tw mental health #tw depression #i spent two fucking hours on this yet i still feel like it's rambly nonsense #i hit stream-of-consciousness at some point and just went with it #and now i'm too lazy to revise #so i'm sorry #this'll probably only get like 10 notes anyway bc that's how it be on tumblr #put effort in and get little validation; put no effort in and everyone loses their minds

144 notes · View notes