#ALSO I DROVE THE WHOLE WAY AND DIDNT CRY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tia-222 · 5 months

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My void sucess story

HII TIA!!! I can barely contain my excitement as I type this but I got into the void and manifesting my dream life. You @gorgeouslypink and @charmedreincarnation are my absolutely favorite blogs, and I couldn’t have done it without y’all. I think charm and pink are on break so I’m gonna send this to you I hope that’s okay.

Quick backstory: I’ve been in this community since the OGs, angel, Cleo, maya etc. I’ve seen all the dumb drama, the liars, the successful people, the exposing, and etc. I’m just sharing this because people think having bad experiences can hinder you from getting your desires and I’m here to remind you nope that it can’t. Nothing can. I had a phase where I would ugly cry trying to make sure all the success stories are true….I became a cop and started looking for inconsistencies on pages and liars to help me feel better. Which it didnt, It drove me mad, and I lost faith.

Until… I read pink’s doubt post which was God sent. Her entire page is God sent tbh and I recommend it to everyone. After I felt better and realized outside of tumblr people have gotten into the void, I decided I’m gonna be the next success story. So I went on your lovely page because I don’t think there isn’t a method you haven’t talked about.

You’re so educated and conduct amazing research on everything, we truly don’t deserve you Tia. Thank you for all your hard work. Anyways I was feeling good! I had so many methods to choose from, I felt like a fat kid at a candy store. And I decided my logical brain needed a logical method so I went with lucid dreaming.

This is where charm comes in. I read her lucid dreaming guide and it is literally also God sent so thank you so much for that. She had a method I had never heard of called SSILD, and even made a post about that as well… like I felt like the universe was handing me everything on a silver platter. And I saw another post that her and pink talked about using a reclining chair. So I combined SSILD with that method to make an ultimate one. And on the second day of trying I entered a lucid dream, asked a dream character to take me to the void and then manifested my dream life.

What I manifested: my dream house, dream family, dream body and face, dream amount of money, money always coming to my family and I’s bank account out of nowhere (but it’s natural and normal ) socialite Status, 25k insta followers (my lucky number) famous loyal dream athletics boyfriend (I was so scared this wouldn’t work but it did!), master manifesting abilities, dream college acceptance, (future) good self concept, a great fashion taste, never gaining weight, clear glass skin, revising my abusive past, and so much more. My list was like a whole ass essay, I obviously can’t list everything but my life is perfect now.

This was last week and I immediately booked a trip to LA with my family to look at the USC campus because that’s where I want to go and where I will go next fall, (I’m a senior). I was also looking at apartments around my school and I found my dream one so I’m manifesting no one leases it 🤭

Quick note: a lot of my desires were weird or I wanted them to manifest a specific way, or they weren’t realistic to happen immediately so I was afraid it wouldn’t work out the way I envisioned. Not only did everything work out the way I envisioned but it worked out even better and exactly how I would want them to apply to life but in a realistic way. So if that’s something you worry about don’t worry, you are God, and it will work out perfectly.

Anyways, I just wanted to share this because I failed for a while and everyone on this app was so supportive. Tumblr is genuinely like a little magical family so now everyone will see my succeed… though this on anon mode bc people have been attacking success stories lately. And honestly it doesn’t matter bc I just want to live my new spoiled life but I want to express my gratitude because my life was in shambles and you three helped me so much. So thank you again and I hope everyone who read this. No, I know everyone who reads this will get what they deserve.

HII LOVE!! WOW CONGRATULATIONS (⑅˶ᵔ ▿ ᵔ˶) ~♡

I'm very excited for you!!! And yes, void Tumblr has definitely changed rn and I feel there's many blogs on here that's good and no more liars. I'm so glad you gained faith back in the community and now you're living your dream life, love.

Aww pink and charm have the best posts on the void too <3.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Gorgeouslypink doubts post

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Charms lucid dreaming guide, SSILD method

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Gorgeouslypink recliner method

I LOVE YOUR MANIFESTATIONS AND EVERYTHING SOUNDS SO FUN OMGG!! LLYSM <33

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thepepsislvt · 2 months

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Yandere!Bartolomeo x GN Reader

Based off of the song My Bloody Valentine by Good Charlotte

I also paid like $2 to have an ai cover of Bartolomeo singing it so enjoy (or not I’m the target audience anw)

Warnings: Violence, Unhealthy relationship, 18+, not nsfw but just very possessive Barto

Tags: @tulipps-maehem @daddychoso

Oh my love, please dont cry

I’ll wash my bloody hands and we’ll start a new life

Bartolomeo had just finish showering when he received your call

You were crying on the other line and he knew exactly why. He pretended to be greatly distressed and worried. Bartolomeo was grinning widely even with the fake pain in his voice.

He knew you needed his comfort so he started grabbing his essentials to stay the night with you.

When he left his apartment it was storming. The rain was falling and thunder was loud. Bartolomeo knew that you were also scared of thunderstorms and you tend to get clingy during those times. He smiled darkly to himself as he made his way to his car for the second time that night.

on his way to your place he always drove past your partners place. This time it was different with all the police cars with their flashing lights and the crime scene tape.

He drove slowly by the house just to look like any other passer byer who was slightly curious and snoopy.

Barto truly thinks that what he did was right. In his eyes it was. He would finally have you. He doesn't know wrong from right.

Once Bartolomeo made it to your apartment he had to put on a fake somber face.

When you opened the door with your tear stained face a part of Barto’s heart broke. He knew he was the cause of this. But in the long run it would be worth it.

He held you so lovingly like hes done before. Whenever you got into a fight with your partner or something happened in your life that was heartbreaking, he was always there to hold you and let you cry on his shoulder.

You had the news playing on in the background and after the local sports he finally saw the work of his own hands on the news.

“A Lover Died” he thought to himself.

He say you starting to cry even more so he turned your tv off even though he wanted to see what the pigs thought happened.

He had a flash of him ripping out your partner’s throat with his bare teeth. He had to rub his face with his hand to prevent you from seeing the dark smile on his face.

Once you had finally stopped crying and the rain subsided, he whispered to you

“Can I tell you a secret?”

With your full attention on him, his heart started pounding with joy and excitement to tell you what he had did. He almost was too exited to say it but he knew he had to if he wanted to start his new life with you.

“They dropped you off and I followed them home” He started with his big smile forming on his face, revealing his sharp teeth that you always thought were harmless until now. You now know they can cause harm especially with the blood shining in the light of your living room.

“Then I stood out their bedroom window”

you knew exactly where he was going with this now and he knew that. You sit up from your position of laying on his chest and now realize there was blood all over his clothes. You were too much in a state of fear and shock you couldn't move anymore. Your brain was yelling at you to run but you physically couldnt. It was fight or flight mode and god knows how much you cant fight. Not him. not your Seven foot best friend.

“Standing them, they begged me not to do what I knew I had to do, ‘cause I'm so in love with you”

This wasnt love. This was Madness. He was so sickly in love with you that he had killed your partner to be with you instead. You didnt realize you were crying again. Your best friend had turned your whole world upside down.

“I thought you’d be happy, he was an asshole to you. I hated seeing you come to my apartment from his only to be in tears and covered in bruises so I had to do something about it. For you and for us”

“You thought? you killed someone! what part of you was thinking? do you not know anything?” you shouted at him, finally gathering the courage to speak

“Well I don’t know much at all, but All I know is that I love you tonight” He reached up to wipe the tears from your face to which you flinched. He held your face still with his other hand and continued his actions “And everynight, always and forever”

You were trapped, you knew now that once you called him it was over.

“oh my love, please dont cry, its going to he okay, you’ve got me now. I’m the one who you should of loved from the start but you were blinded by their charm. Now we can start again and this time do it right”

#x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #bartolomeo #bartolomeo the cannibal #bartolomeo x reader #one piece x gn reader #pepsislvtwrites

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miamigrandprix · 3 months

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dts s4 e9-10

e9: -another 4433 episode frothing at the mouth for it -if lewis had said 'thats what you get when you dont leave the space' after silverstone could you IMAGINE the things christian horner would've said. but max can say it after running over lewis' head. i guess -anyway i NEED another max/lewis championship fight yall dont understand -'christian is a bit like a jack russell terrier who likes to snap at your heels' no one does reads like toto jfc kaldjfasjdfalksjdf -'i don't believe to be successful you need to be an asshole.' SUSIE I LOVE U MWAH -the way lewis's voice gets high pitched when hes passionate abt something i love him i'm putting him in my pocket -not dts giving michael masi a whole introduction one episode before he gets murdered by public opinion -the shots of jeddah at night are So Pretty i actually really do like this track -the way rb talk about max's ruined quali lap is how i talk abt logan's deleted quali lap in jeddah. btw -the way they use mick's crash to set up "oh theres a safety car all the cars are gonna bunch up now~ wonder if anyone will use this opportunity for new tires :)" just setting up all this information for us to know NOW. for no particular reason :) -not max complaining that the SAFETY CAR is going TOO SLOW hes such a BRAT -god i need to see this race. aus23 levels of chaos it seems -i'm sorry but rb being like 'idk why max is being investigated 🥺 hamilton's the one that drove into the back of HIM 🥺🥺' like omg like max didnt do this EXACT thing to daniel baku 2018. its a PATTERN babes -when will my mans win again :( i'm sad :(

e10: -havent even started but i'm gonna CRY watching this episode i swear i am so serious -i'm already just so stressed out. being a max AND lewis girlie is only for god's strongest soldiers fr -'they like all this drama, but when we actually start racing they dont like it' max is so REAL for this -lewis hamilton rainbow helmet u will always be famous 2 me 😍 -checo max underrated ship btw. that cockwarming fic abt them *chefs kiss* -music is just making my stress worse (phenomenal) -part of me wishes i spent this winter break watching old races instead of watching dts, and this is a moment i'm really feeling it. i'm looking forward to at some point being able to watch this race and form my own opinions -( the end of the day i think regardless this result is never getting overturned and i'm at peace with that and i think other lewis girlies should work on that too~) -i will say. and maybe i'm missing something. i do understand the discourse abt only the lapped cars between max n lewis being allowed to unlap. BUT. if every car got to unlap themselves instead. would the result have been any different. how much does that particular detail matter. -ok now i'm just JEALOUS of u bitches who got to watch this live. i could've been there instead i was experiencing such intense trauma that i've forgotten most of 2021 (also i didnt know f1 existed) -OH I SAID I WAS GONNA CRY I KNEW I WAS GONNA CRY -i love lewis. i will always pick lewis over max. THAT BEING SAID -i watch this and i just feel relief. knowing the pressure he's been under his whole life from his father. for the first time in his life since he was little he gets to lift that pressure off his shoulders. i'm so happy for him. and like. you can TELL. how easier it is for him after this win. no matter the technicalities of this win, i find it impossible to be upset with all that context. i just feel overwhelmed with love

#violently unwell btw #dtsrewatch #she speaks

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alarming-prism · 7 months

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i saw your response to the ask about a fic u wanted more positive engagement on and i just want u to know i read that when i didnt have an ao3 account and have been searching for that fic FOREVER like it drove me so crazy it was so good. like im the type who usually only reads happy endings but it literally plagued my thoughts for MONTHS it was so good.... their relationship was so deliciously awful i think its peak representation of fq during their era of nothing but raw hurt and festering resentment from misunderstandings and all the outside factors stressing them out.... so excited to watch fxmq irreparably hurt and damage each other.... also yes the writing was a bit confusing but like in a good way,,,, like if it had been less vague and more clear i feel like it wouldnt have been as enjoyable bc that writing style really fit the vibe of the story, it kind of pulled it all together ykwim? like i really loved how u wrote it i think it was perfect as is, i cant think of a single possible thing that could make it even better.... yeah, tbh just for all your fics, u have this way of setting a kind of atmosphere throughout that just really brings the whole story together, like i noticed it in the mq toy store employee fic and the broken threads fic too. im not articulate enough to identify or describe what it is exactly that u do, but u do it sososososoooooo well it drives me crazy. youre amazing <33 ok ummmm i love all your writing and i will easily wait another 10 years for a hint of a second chapter for this fic or any other works by u, so please take your time without worry, i hope u have an amazing day/night, byeeee :3 <3

i'll have you know that i had a super rough day yesterday + i'm currently sick rn and when i got this ask i started to tear up. you get me and you get exactly what i'm going for. i understand wanting happy endings but i'm also desperate to explore the part of fengqing that's in continuous conflict not through any fault of their own but because of their circumstances + who they are as people,, and i know that's not for everyone but it makes me so happy that you understand what i'm trying to do here lmao.

i think i'll legitimately have to rethink my entire life if it takes me ten years to finish the second chapter, but i just checked my fic tracking doc and i started it back in february so uhh. i can't make any promises but this did make me open up that doc again and nanowrimo is coming up so i'll have to work on something or other. and every time i actually start thinking about this fic again i start to go insane. i think last time i worked on it i made myself cry? i'm definitely just oversharing at this point but.

idk just. thank you so much for sending such a long, heartfelt ask. it made a shitty day infinitely better. i hope you have an amazing day/night right back <3

#ask #fengqing #thank youuu

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the-knight-of-the-stars · 2 years

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Percy Jackson: The Last Olympian first reading thoughts:

-I didnt sleep reading this but it was totally worth it!!

-Danm this was soo good!

-From the start things get heavy, Backendorf's death hurt me way more than I expected.

-I loved the entire part in Poseidon's castle, very interesting (and Tyson is here!)

-Wow Nico has changed so much since the begining (also his powers are very cool)

-To see the story of Luke and his mother uncover was hard to read, so tragic, I was at the verge of tears in many parts.

-It all came full circle, now the things Luke said in the first books make so much sense, you can see what drove him to those extreme ideas.

-And I love how Percy starts to change his inicial perception of things too. That is I think a very admirable part of him. Even if he is a very stubborn boy, he is willing to try and change his mind.

-But even more so Annabeth, she is so empathic despite her critical thinking, and I love that of her. She is truly so wise, even so young she realizes that she needs both the power of the heart AND mind. To almost the last second she holds on to her heart and that doesn't meant she stops being smart.

-Amazing to see the Underworld again, and Hades, and Persephone!

-Achilles's ghost, nice.

-Percy thinking of Annabeth in the river to survive STOP I LOVE THEM (Also dont think I didn't notice him constantly getting distracted with how pretty Annabeth looked)

-Very funny that whole interaction with Demeter, Persephone and Hades, and it was interesting to see how Nico tries to fit in there.

- I really thought we wouldnt get the chance to see Hestia and we did! And I loved how she was represented, as the hope that comes from the concep of home and how that parallels the gods and Olympus being the source of their power.

-I would have liked to see more of the gods fighting Typhon but I I looved the full focus on the battle defending Olympus.

-No, really, that entire battle was soo fricking cool. It took so much of the book and I adored every second. I could feel them getting cornered by Kronos, the progressive tiredness every time a new attack happens.

-Wow so much happens!

-Ok, I think my favorite parts were:

-THALIA!! Gods I missed her, It was so exciting to have her back and fighting.

-The automatons??? How cool is that??

-Percy provoking the Minotaur in such a cocky way, damn my boy has grown.

-Prometheus. Loved everything, such a fun antagonic character.

-Grover and his cool powers with nature turning a titan into a tree, AMAZING

-Percy chasing a gigant flying pig around New York.

-The centaurs coming to the rescue

-Dionysus using a party to manifest, so interesting and cool (nice of him to ask about his son)

-Percy referring to both his mom and Paul as "his parents"

-The battle with the dragon, everything felt so epic. Silena's sacrifice was so tragic, and Clarisse using her anger to kill the dragon, epic.

-"I will kill you ALL! Where is Kronos? Bring him out! Is he a coward?" Damn Clarisse...

-Hades, Demeter and Persephone coming to the fight!!!

-I was kinda hoping Luke could survive, but I guess his death was necessary. It was equally hearbreaking and beautiful. His sacrifice just made everything circle back in a true greek tragedy tale style.

-Again, with the impecable development of Percy. "You are not the hero" *cheff kiss.

-And again, Annabeth understanding eveything before eveyone else.

-To see all the gods reunited again was amazing

-YES GROVER MY BRAVE BOY YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

-And Tyson! I'm so happy for him, (I just hope he never has to actually fight)

-And Annabeth!! My dear girl will be architect of Olympus, I was about to cry, I'm so happy for her.

-Percy, I was not expecting him to ask that to the gods and I love him even more now. I knew some day his ability to defy the gods with a straight face would be used for a greater good. And damn he deliver. Again, everything full circle, what a good ending.

-Rachel is the Oracle now, cool. And I loved to see Apollo there, amazing.

-Another prophecy????

-PERCABETH PERCABETH PERCABETH!!! OMG FINALLY

-I swear they are the most adorable thing ever, the underwater kiss... :')

-Well that was fricking beautiful

-I loved this book and this series with my soul, an aboslute beauty of a story, everything was like a dream come true and I'm so happy I got to read it while I wasnt busy.

-What a journey, loved every second, I felt like a little kid again. 100/10

-You bet I'm reading EVERYTHING else from this franchise.

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #first reading

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vampiricliquor · 6 days

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stayed home for the past two days (tuesday anf wednesday) couldnt move to go to school and slept for like 18 hpurs each day. made my mom cry cus im a pos. we will see if i graduate hs or not i guess. brain fog heavy heavy.cant remember anyrhing from before today, only know i stayed home tuesfay wednesday dont have any memories of it. stayed up all morning took two vyvanse and coffee nd cleaned room made kandi , picked uo my sister from airport cus she needed help at like 10 pm wednesday cus moms car broke down. got really angry frustrared while driving and my whole face went numb. didnt sleep at all yet. trying to induce manic episode so i graduate. i hope this works. didnt text bsf for 2 days cus im a sack of shit and also was asleep ffor basically 2 days straight. broke my promise to him that id come to school every day this week. ive started worrying im becoming a sociopath and i cant tell if its just depression or if im completwly losing my empathy. i think i am schizoaffective. tuesday (?) maybe wednesday, had a meeting w psychiatrist completely lied to hjm that everything is fine, as per usual. i hate talking to him, i feel uncomfortabke and its awkward. he also lied to me abt why i was on seroquel in the past so i think its justified. cat stayed in my room the whole night and i was kn the floor wuen she was in my bed, im happy that she was happy ajd comfortable in my bed for once lol, while i was on the floor. have to leave fkr school in around 2 hours. i am trying not to fall asleep again. i dknt want ro disapoiint my mother more. after everytbjng shes done for me. i am worried im becoming my father. im afraid our minds arw too similar. and im worried that he was right when he thought i was just like him, and did thise things. the other day last week i drove like 4 hours to hookup with someone way older than me. felt empty after. i feel like a sack of shit. i have been having so much trouble lookong at my reflection lately, it physically hurts me. i am hideous. i would be fine if i lost a lot of weight. i have hypertension now and i think jts becauee im so fat. my chest scars have been aching lately. as well as pain in my side. eyes been bulging oit going blurry. i think there is something very wrong with me and i think its turning me into my father. i think if i killed myself now it would be a mercy for the people around me. and im afraid if i dont do it now, i will become so selfish that i never will. i hope i dont have english today. i hate sitting in the front. i hate when people look at me.. i hate being so fat and ugly. its so embarassing and shameful. i wish i had the stamina i used to, when i fasted for 7 days straight. i am becoming so selfish. i think whatever is wrong with my father is happening to me now. i dont know how to stop it. besides a bullet to the brain

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tookthe-405 · 2 months

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On our way

Prologue:

(can we be friends?)

Next chapter : ̗̀➛

DAILY CLICK 🍉

DONATIONS & LINKS🍉

loser!ellie x bsf!reader

a.n : soo this is the Prologue to my first series and it’s hopefully gonna turn out to be a slowburn with a lot of pining, but also a roadtrip !!!

summary: Ellie and readers first time meeting!!! Fluffy and comfort

Warning : traumatic event, a person faints, mentions of hospital, reader is being bullied in some way? and i think thats it but if i forgot something tell meee

June (8 years ago)

(reader is 9 and Ellie is 10)

readers pov :

You can`t even see the street in front of you, with those tears in your eyes.

Step by step you try to whipe them away but they keep coming back so everything is blurry.

It started pretty simple. The other kids didnt let you play volleyball with them, which didn`t suprise you. They haven´t spoken to you in so long, not even when you tried to talk to them at school break.

A few Months ago your parents had their 20 years Anniversary and their plan was it to celebrate that big. They invited the whole Neighbourhood to your house, they cooked amazing dinner an had their weird music on. Everything was generally fine. Your grandma wanted to pick you up 2 hours later at 6 p.m, so that you you still have some quality time with your parents.

You haven`t seen your parents this happy and excited for something in ages, your whole body relaxed seeing them this careless.

You still remember the view you, sitting on a kitching chair while your father made some milshakes for the guests, when you suddendly heard your mother scream. Hearing this noice from someone you love this much is one of the wost things youve ever expierenced. But not as bad as seeing your big brother unconcious in your mothers arms on the floor. Then everyone and everything moved fast. It felt like your soul left your body for a moment. You weren`t able to move or talk, let alone think. You stood there staring at him till your uncle pulled you aside and drove you in shock to your grandmas.

For a few hours you only cried into your grandmas arms not sure what had happened. She seemed to know but she defentily didnt tell you, she only held you tight and whispered that everyting will be either fine, okay or good. You didn`t believe shit. If no one can even tell you what was wrong with your brother, then it had to be something serious.

Hours later you prarents finally called, saying that they`ll stay at the hospital for the night with your brother. Being left behind and not knowing what was going on exacly kept you up the night, jumping out of your sleep and running to your grandmothers bed with tears in your eyes.

The next day your brother was standing in the door, looking like a ghost. Pale, without much emotions in his face and for a second you actually thought he wasn`t real.

He didn`t talk to you at all, the whole time staring straight ahead at nothing. Your father took the both of you to the car, while your mother talked with you grandma, and told you that your not allowed to tell anyone what happened. That confused you even more, because what had happened? You asked that the whole ride home but everyone kept being quiet, even your brother who sat next to you would just stare out the window in silent.

Turns out the kids in school still heard about it from someone and now everyone is either ignoring or whispering about you. Mia, a girl from your class who you considered a friend, told you that she wasn`t allowed to talk to you anymore. She didnt know why, just that her parents had told her that.

You exepted to be left out after a few weeks, but this time it just seemed harder to ignore. Your whole class was on a beach trip today, even the teachers agreed to it and after a while you realised that there was nothing and no one there for you.

When you felt the tears running down your cheeks you just left, because if anyone would see you crying then they woudn`t ever talk to you again for sure.

You`re sure that no one saw you leave, or even the teacher didn`t care about you as much anymore.

The warm summer air is blowing your hair back a bit and you could hear the gentle waves of the ocean. Your head turns around and now your in a little neighberhood but still close enough to see the sea, so for sure not that lost.

"hey you!"

You wince and your head spins for a bit, trying to find out where the voice came from, now staring at a girl?

she has very short auburn hair, cut in a bowl form, and is around your age. Her green eyes are peer right into your soul and she is just sitting in front of a house on the grass, with a comic in her hands.

Of all the things that you notice about this girl, her lightning McQueen crocs were the first.

You frowned, but she just kept gawking at you like it was the most normal thing in the world. Any other girl wouldn't have allowed herself to do something like that, or at least it would be embarrassing for her, but not this girl. Boys can do whatever they want, it will be avenged with something.

“He’s just so silly”

“He’s a boy of course he would do something like that”

“It’s okay it’s not his fault, boys are like that”

Girls don't. We're always not doing something right.

“How embarrassing, god be more mature”

“Now she’s trying to be funny”

“All the hormones must be the reason your this way, right?”

For a few moments the both of you are just staring at each other, you with an uncertain look on your face and she studying you.

"did joshua sent you?" she asks with an suspicious expression.

"Who`s joshua?"

"a dick" the girl answers, focusing on her comic again.

A giggle left your lips and she looked up at you again, grinnig slightly.

"he`s a guy from my school who said i stole his pencil. Since then he just keeps ringing on my door and running away. Its annoying and now im just sitting here waitig for this coward to show up"

you`ve never seen her before, so you are probably not even at the same school but something makes you stay anyway. Theres no reason to ask her anything else, you dont know the guy she looks for and you dont even know each other. But shes the first person in long time who atually speaks to you normally.

"did you stole it?"

"yeah"

Your eyes meet and a smug look appears on her face again.

"so why are you crying?" she lets her comic down beside her on the grass.

"oh wow! your`re only realising it now?" maybe you don’t look that bad and can go back in a while, lets face it you have no where to go.

"nah but i wanted to make sure you’re not one of joshuas little sister or something first"

Your hopefull smile dies.

"how old is he? I’m sure I’m his age"

" hes 9"

"see, me too"

her brows go up in sarcastic shock.

"could’ve sworn you were 7"

"huh?!" you gasps irritated

"kidding. so why are you crying?" the girl asks again.

you don’t know how to answer that and you were too embaressed to even think about it.

"I really wanted to play volleyball" you kind of lie.

she nods, understanding apperantly, even tho you don’t know one person who would actually cry because of not being able to play volleyball.

"we can fix that" she gets up quicker than you can react to her decision.

"what do you mean" you grab the end of your shirt nervouse and shy of this fast, new situation. you’ve just met each other?

" i have a volleyball in the garage and the beach is down the street? we can play a bit if you want to" her cheeks turn pink and you smile happy. She sounded genually interested in spending time with you, you can hear her own nervousness in the way her voice breaks at the end.

"yeah that would be... pretty nice. Um whats your name?"

You follow her to The garage, she walked way more confident than you ever did and she was a bit taller too.

"Ellie, yours?”

a.n: gonna start writing chapter 1 and it’ll hopefully be out in a week btw my inner feminist was showing up there for a sec idk if 9 year olds relate to that sorry (idc)

Anyways hope you guys liked it and there will be smut in the future sooo mdni!!

would be sweet if you rebloggg (🙏)

#ellie williams angst #ellie williams smut #ellie williams fluff #comfort #ellie williams x reader #tlou2 #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #the last of us 2 #tlou part 2 #tlou #femme reader #ellie williams #ellie williams fanfic

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holdhoiyghost · 4 months

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finished writing @ 6:33 am 12/22/23

fixed typos @ 6:42 am

dream begins on a sort of tv show, where this guy was helping out a less fortunate family get more civilized and used to 'normal life' since they liked like super separate from the outside world. i remember him trying to keep some gated animals in their gates but they kept getting out. or trying to do everything around the house w no help. and then him trying to leave but the mom comes out n shes like super pregnant. he was strugglin so so hard, and so for some reason mark n i took over.

so there i was with markiplier, for some reason going to help with this thing for views ig since it was broadcasted for tv. we were loading stuff in the house at first and it was sorta weird? like there were boxes i could move (blue cube thingys) and i could sorta platformer on them but there were also just. stairs.

so we meet the family. all are pretty normal. ish. i guess. for a family that doesnt rly no normal things yknow? and so we get to work teaching them for tv.

and shit gets like weird here right? idk how long we were there for or anything but i remember that we got the kids some fancier clothes n they looked so cool. there was a red dress w a bow n that was nice. idk what the son wore but the daughters had the same thing.

then for some reason between me n mark doin stuff to help theres a scene of mf peter griffin chillin out with a separate kid on the couch watchin him play games? and the kid is sad and peter asks whats up and the kid says that he'd rather also talk about it with his mom around so he goes to get her. i remember sort of a voice in peters head talking cause pg was sort of upset by this and it was like "yeah this is a good time to cry" and so the kid n mom got back and ended up comforting pg and they gave each other a Look over his back? i think it was either same family different time or just . there. idk.

nyways back to me n mark. there we were helpin the family when wow! matpat shows up! he drove there to help mark n i and so we show him some cool stuff and he doesnt like any of it. not even the cool water table that you can drink river water from. (table had water runnin down the middle of it from idk where to idk where, and was rly grainy with sand). he didnt like it cuz microbes or smth.

mark left me n him alone togo talk to the family abt somethin so matpat n i were jut Chillin ™ . i remember that . the water on the table turned red n i had said smth about 'that time of the month' to mat, tho idk why the table would have been? connected to bathrooms for that? though i guess with that happening it kinda set off some this is Bad alarms for us since it happened twice. and so we kinda started making our way to the door to gtfo

and when we saw mark sort of across the room? or when we were already out the door? holding his stomach and very much bleeding we kind of . booked it to the van n left him there since freaky family was m behind him and lookin like they absolutely did smth to him (and were gonna to us). i hop in the passenger seat n close the door behind the passenger from the inside since i think i opened it in my rush to get in? mat jumps in the drivers n we were gonna try to get mark in but . the mom was like Right Behind him and the kids were tryin to get in so we like left left him. i feel bad about it after wakin up n i felt bad inside the dream/nightmare too.

nyway mat n i leave. the window acts a little weird n one if the kids ;def more of a monster by this point) almost gets in the car but i stop them n roll up the window again (a little difficult but yeah). i tell mat to ignore the stop sign at the turn (no need for a stopsign there anyway...it was 1 road no intersection). he does n we go down the mountain n end up platformin the van across a pond o water??? somehow??

we get to the other side and there is. a whole bunch of platforming to be done. and its in like sort of a semicircle but not Realy a semicircle ykwim? like it kinda curved but not . n there's a body sitting up in the middle of it in a weird suit of armor? (thats what it looked like but. i dont think it was?? unsure)

(btw when we were leaving the family they said it didnt matter if we got away cause they understood human customs now? so theyd see us again soon)

on the news which we were listening to for some reason they were talking about how mat n i ditched the project and that mark finished it out on his own, but also how mark's style was like... weird now. he wasn't himself anymore. abt him wearing a weird outfit or a new vid showing multiple people all in the same outfit.

the weird outfit described was somehow the one in the semicircleish platformin space and mat n i knew we were fucked fucked tbh. so we managed to platform the van to the top somehow to try and leave, but of the 2 exits we tried there were shadowy shapes with glowin white eyes on the other side, so we just. went to the middle platform by activating jets? or flying? on the van and just. sitting there.

i didnt wake up @ this point (something something ian hecox revisiting old videos? fnaf gameplay i think? but like knockoff fnaf. starting screen had bright blue? or yellow? unsure). when i did wake up i was kinda. urgh. didnt rly know what ti do other than write it all down. definitely one of my clearer dreams ive had recently (tho the scary ones usually are tbh). i cant rly express just how fucked up the whole situation was, n i wonder how long that family had just been. there. waiting for someone to stay long enough to teach them. so that they could go out to hunt while blending in.

sorry markiplier for leaving you for dead. it wasnt on purpose. i was scared af in the dream n matpat wasnt slowing down for you either. also tbh you were basically already dead anyway, like thee was No way we were gettin u to a hospital on time. still sorry tho.

#posted on wattpad too but felt that this deserved its own place here cause its?? a little fucked?#relatively Normal compared to some of my dreams but. urgh.#markiplier #matpat #yes i did/am putting tw for these cause um. they are there. and need to be here for those that need it.#also cause i wish my dreams came with TWs so i could wake myself up before it plays out :/#tw horror #tw nightmare #tw blood mention #tw gore mention #tw major character death #<- happens off screen but its like. very much mentioned.#tldr; mark n i help a family get used to normal life. matpat shows up n he n i end uo leaving mark for dead in order to try n save our asses #spoiler: didnt work. woke up before we would have inevitably died #dream journal

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necrocat · 1 year

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TW DEATH TW BUGS TW RELIGION TW DRUGS

aye yo tw graphic death shit under the cut and also religious talk and also just me venting and being emotional

my last reblog of dale gribble just like made me flat out start sobbing. dale gribble always reminded me of my grandpas nephew kenny. I always had a really weird relationship with kenny. He wasnt a great guy. He was a terrible father to his kids. We had to take in his kids so many times because CPS wanted to take them away. He was a polyaddict, mostly using alcohol towards the end but im pretty sure he was cleaning up his act. He was trying.

He was at my house a few days before christmas and he was in the basement working on our furnace with my grandpa. Kenny always did shit work and it never stayed fixed and usually ended up being worse after he got his hands on it, but he still came and helped. I was pissed he was here because he’s unvaccinated and wouldnt get vaccinated despite our pleas and despite us even taking him to the location he needed to get it done. I resented him a lot. He pissed me off a lot. My grandparents had contracted covid from him the year before. I couldnt wait for him to leave. I’ll regret not going down and telling him “Merry Christmas” for the rest of my life. We were the last family he saw aside from his ex who was actively trying to get him thrown in jail. Why the fuck am I such a bitch. I hate myself for that. I will always hate myself for that.

We bantered a lot when we saw each other. He would say im “as pretty as a hubcap” He reminded me a lot of my dad. I think thats what hurts a lot. He reminded me of like…. the good parts of my dad. The funny parts. The witty parts. Kenny did drugs with my dad when they were younger. Kenny never stopped fighting for his kids despite being a shitty father. I hated and loved kenny at the same time. It was a weird relationship. I cared about him a lot more than I thought.

Around New Years Eve Kenny had went to visit his ex in a womens shelter. On his way home the muffler fell off of his truck. Kenny never did things the right way. He tempted fate almost constantly. He pulled off to the side of the road and hiked his car up with an old rusty jack just like he had done so many times. It wasnt enough. It wasnt enough the many times he had done it before but he just got lucky. We dont know exactly what happened, he could have kicked it, a big truck could have drove by and jostled it, we dont know, but the jack fell, and his car crushed him. He got squashed like a fucking bug and god im crying againbbecause dale gribble is an exterminator. It just feels so fucked up. Its not fucking fair. It just feels fucked up and evil. I have never coped well with things coming to an end.

Lately Ive felt so much resentment towards my grandpas method of grieving and i feel so guilty for that. Kenny was the closest thing to a biological son my grandpa ever had. I just wish he would mourn in his own way without bringing me into it. It seems that he gets this motivation to convert everyone when someone dies because he gets scared we’ll die and wont go to heaven because we havent been saved. It drives me crazy. Nothing about this death makes me want to become closer to god. I cant stand hearing people who didnt even fucking know kenny saying he got “called home to god”Try telling that to his fucking kids who are in foster care. Why the fuck would a god SMASH SOMEONE UNDER THEIR CAR. Why would god torment someone for their whole lives and then end it with a big disgusting smash. I dont like that god. I dont believe in that god. I condemn that god. Why cant tragic shit just happen? Its terrible. its heartwrenching. Why does it have to have some deeper meaning? Everyone fucking failed kenny. Everyone failed him. He never got a fighting chance to begin with. If there is a god that god failed kenny. squashed like a bug. His whole life he was treated like a pest and I was a part of that. It makes me feel ill. It makes me feel angry. It makes me want to scream and rip my hair out. Theres nothing I can do. The coroner said his death was sudden. He didnt suffer. I hope its true. I hope it was nothing but a warm embrace. I hope is pain is over. I hope his kids are in loving hands.

#personal #vent

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tonarinohappiness · 2 years

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embracing sadness

I think a big part of my problem is that I suppress any uncomfortable emotion. Or maybe just sadness bc it does not last long when I feel it. It usually comes out in irritation or anger anyway but under that mask of rage is a calm pond of sad waiting to be rippled. Today a man put his little boat on the shore and rowed across it. He didnt get there very easy, he had to work on chipping away at that stone façade of bitterness for quite some time. he did this in numerous ways and eventually achieved his goal. He doesnt know it was happening nonetheless he rippled my tear pond. which is strange bc i can really cry at anything. But there is a difference between crying bc something makes you sad and actually BEING sad I think. I digress. It would be impossible for anyone to truly understand especially without knowing all of the shit I mucked through with and because of this man. I love him like no one I ever have before, and I also fucking hate him like I have never hated. And it breaks my heart. 8 years and 1 child later our relationship is over, so why can't I just let this shit go. It is obvious we can not work. were both fucked up, he likes to say "were two fucked up halves of one whole". When he says that I do one of the three things: show repulsion, hug him closer to me, or cry. And today is the latter. Reflecting on the situation i think he was lingering around to talk to me and what did i do? I said " I fucking hate you, I hope you die. I cant stand you, I cant stand to be near you. Go die." Why am I like this? How does it feel to hear that from someone you love? I dont mean any of that so why do I say it. I dont want to be with him, I dont want him to be with anyone else, I want him for myself. make it make sense.

POV: we were in the garage, I was going to clean my car out. he offered to do it bc he is better at it and we both know it. i drove the car out back and we started arguing about money. he doesnt provide for his daughter. he let me know he has money and all i see is red. its cold, 54 degrees and windy. the garage is dusty and tight. I tell him I dont need his fucking help with anything, bc I fucking hate you and want you to die. he drops the shop vac tool. he said he needs the money to "get on my feet. how can i provide for my daughter if i cant provide for my daughter" but I dont care. I only want to hurt him bc i am feeling that way. I call him a pos sleazy scumbag dad for putting the financial burden on me. he goes to walk out the garage door and I kick a bucket he scoffs or something and I say one last time, "i fucking hate you" and punch in the back. slamming the door locking it. i attempt to clean out the car but i just cant. i grip the trunk sobbing, i move to the side, sink to the floor and silent sobs rack me. I want to let it all out, to cry until I cant anymore but there is a knock on the door.

I hope it is him, my heart jumps. I want more interaction.

Me: what?

my 6 year old daughter is at the door knocking asking if she can come in, shes scared. i wipe my tears, the make up and open the door. She has a hoodie and a blanket on with her pink knee high winter socks with moccasins on. I smile at her and she smiles at me. I grab her hand and we go in to get ready for bed. I will have to cry on my own time.

#sad thoughts #sad boi hours #sad poem #sadgirl #mental health #crying real tears

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96xie · 2 years

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love all around

i had the most memorable birthday weekend :> i am filled with so much love and comfort its beautiful!!

on friday, i first ate lunch with my mom and i ~subtly~ brought up moving out because mocha’s mom gave her the blessing to move out and stuff and i was just reading her text messages and it was just so warming!! my mom stayed silent and started saying stuff like why would you want to move back there and why would you leave me, etc etc more stuff like that and honestly, thats my hometown. i was born and raised there, i find so much comfort there. we kinda trailed off and whatever but yeah. i took a nap and got ready for my dinner, picked up one of my sibs and thankfully there was no waiting line! mocha brian and wayo soon arrived, introduced everyone and we ate! chio asked if they did anything for birthdays and our waiter was like “ill sing you happy birthday ill do something!” and i was like nonono its okay LOL but yeah we had a really good dinner despite... not finishing our last bowls of meat ; __ ; mocha and deejay were roasting marshmallows and when wayo was eating his marshmallow i said “bro u rawdogging ur marshmallow” and he was like “ew yeah whats wrong with that!” chio gave me a painted picture with everyones notes in the back and i was about to cry so hard because it was a picture of me on a day that i felt so vulnerable. it was a day that was significant to me because i opened up to my big and sibs and it meant alot. i appreciated it so much and ; ___ ; just hold so much love and respect for them.

they cleared our table to give me a lil plate with ice cream mochi tht spelled happy birthday in sriracha sauce AND blasted happy birthday music LOL im also glad there was enough pieces to distribute to everyone ^__^ the lady was kind enough to take our pictures too and augh such a good dinner!

we got ready to drive to karaoke and angel opened my car and i was like wait, did.. did i not lock my car LMAOOO but nothing was taken so thats good! we arrived at karaoke and finished after 2 hrs ish (they cut us short) and some security guy was talking to us and we conversed with him and then a whole hour later it was just ... alot of talking. it wasnt bad tho, we were talking about alot of issues and it was nice to see from a different perspective in a civil way.

we went to my workplace for some coffee and my coworker was just goggling at wayo, i was just laughing cuz it was so obvious !! she pulled me to the side and was like “omg is that ryan ????” and i said omg no thats my bestie and she said “oh he’s cute omg !!” told her i could always introduce him to you and stuff and she was just all giggling like GIRL lemme be your wingwoman !! so cute anyways

me and brian ate like 2 or 3 caps of mushie before going into target just so it could kick in by the time we went to the park (spoiler: it did not work) but we really ventured in target. got our snacks, lil plastic tables, slime, picnic stuff and SHREK shirts B-) wayo was like we should wear it to the park and we collectively said no LMAO

we got to the park, set up and redosed again. made slime and basically just chilled. we still didnt feel anything at 4pm and we were just like fuckitttt guess we’re going all out. we basically finished 3/4th of the ziploc but when lisa came around that time, we started feeling it. everything was so HD, so clear, bright, things were melting, when i fixated on something it felt like everything else was a blur, clouds were within arms reach, trees too, etc etc. i was expecting to see the roses at the rose garden change color but whateva. anyways, mocha took 2 stems cuz me and brian were like we’ll take more if you take some and I KNOW SHE IS SO SNEAKY !!! still love her hehe but anyways!! we were all vibing n stuff and it was just a fun time. i couldnt move tho while we were getting ready to pack and i felt sooooo planted. we eventually got to our car, found a DUMB PARKING TICKET smh greedy ass neighborhood and drove to lisa’s car. i felt so worried tho, parking ticket, leaving my car to wayo, etc i could my body tense up so much. i told wayo to keep my car (kilig mobile) safe but i knew he was a good driver. i also knnow that lisa is a good driver but my body felt as if she was going 90 mph. she suddenly swerved into t4′s parking lot and my god my life flashed before my eyes. as we went into the freeway, i felt the same sensation: all the cars just flying past me. i stared into the sky as the girls were talking and i had an epiphany: i need to tell myself that im ok. im safe. im doing fine. and it took me back to what my therapist was saying: that my body is in CONSTANT flight or fight mode. its why my chest started hurting for MONTHS the previous year. im always worried. im always expecting something bad to happen. im so used to trauma, so used to pain i dont know how else to react. so the act of telling myself to stay calm is sosoosos important. but its hard when my body is conditioned to do otherwise.

we watched interstellar, ate thai food, trauma bonded and all that good stuff. wayo opened up about some stuff and i felt so angry for his situation. i was angry because i was in a very similar situation and yknow its just tough when someone you love had to go through that. mocha also, and i just... i wish we all hadnt gone through that.

lisa gifted me this really nice piano art poster and man i cried.. again LOL. we were both partners for our piano duet back in high school and it reminded me how much we did alot of things together. i lovelovelove playing the piano as it give me so much peace though im not the greatest but still. the poster was SO beautiful and i really cant wait to hang it up in the future :”) i dont want to hang it up now because i think it deserves a beautiful home and my current place is just not it

we were talking about jobs, relationships, sex stuff (cuz we’re open about it), exes, etc etc and honestly it was a fun talk. me and lisa were like “i dont see myself being married” and i mean I didnt lie !!! i really couldnt see myself being married. and with kids. i see myself with a dog in a comfy small home or apartment but yeah!! and then mocha brought up ryan and then i just kinda .... went off about how handsome and kind he was LMAO and lisa was just like “girl you said you couldnt see yourself being with anyone” ; ___ ; but yeah i was just saying how amazing ryan is and he’s just so darn bright and i feel like im undeserving i was and slgnsdnldnglrthngd argh but i also mentioned that we havent met in person so what if theres a chance he thinks differently of me and im not what he expected and stuff like that. like im really happy that we do share the same feelings but im not setting up expectations because its possible it would lead to disappointment and yknow. but he’s such a great guy and honestlyyyyy sigh. the timing is so darn odd. like i break up with my ex last year and i told myself, “no more dating until i graduate AND find a job” and then boom ryan enters. not a bad thing but if i betray myself i dont think ill do well. i was just worried about this whole thing like what if it goes wrong and yknow and wayo was like “if he’s putting in so much effort theres literally nothing to worry about. he already seems like a great guy.”

me: but how do you really know?

wayo: i just know it, trust me

we also talked about red flags and stuff, we compared ourselves back in high school and beginning of college and we were just so bad to our exes. i was a miserable person but mocha watched me grow and become such a great person and mannnnn i feel and see it too! my first healthy relationship was with my previous ex and honestly i learned alot from him. i learned to end it amicably too, and there was so much learning to do in there. i now know how to treat myself, my partner, what to do and how to deal with things and learned how to communicate better. we went to sleep around 6am and i could already hear the birds chirping. i knock out after replying to ryans email :3

we woke up and got ready in the late day: got some coffee + tea + sushi + went to home goods, wayo bought me a container for my mushies and i thought it was funny how this woman was just butting in our convo like ok LMAO. we watched everything everywhere all at once and i thought it was a tad bit abstract but towards the end i cried SO hard. i was just like “euuuughghgueueughgh” and lisa was just caressing my shoulder and i continued to cry and stuff but damn that movie really said “you get to face generational trauma TODAY”

helped everyone pack their stuff when we drove back home. i know cream puff enjoyed everyones presence cuz they all played with her and rubbed her belly ehe. but anyways we all cleaned up and stuff, and i just. felt sad. cuz everyones going back home, and ill be alone again. physically, not emotionally. but yknow.

i did alot of reflecting after the weekend, and lil bit during too. but just being around my loved ones... its sossooso healing. i felt so loved. i felt so comfortable. i felt at PEACE. like we didnt have to do anything major, just as long as im with them i felt so calm. and honestly, this is probably the best birthday ive ever had. and im SO grateful for that. i could feel myself transforming in such a beautiful way and i may not be where i want to be but i KNOW im getting there. and my friends are there beside me to help me grow. and honestly ... ugh i cant describe it im just so happy. im always looking forward to things now. i was in a massive depressive state since high school and up until recently i feel like things are changing. i hope it continues to do so in a good way. im facing my traumas, my fears, my insecurities and learning how to deal with them. im no longer alone, i feel loved, i feel myself becoming stronger, and man thats such an incredible feeling.

if theres one thing i need to address, its probably meeting my dad again. he reached out and said happy birthday, and that we should meet again soon. i need to tell him that im financially not in a good place and that he promised he would help me. im scared that he would forget, and im scared that he would brush me off. a part of me feels guilty because i dont know if i have been a good daughter because he’s also not doing well but at the same time he has always been absent and the least thing he could do is help me pay off things. i dont know. we’ll see. but theres that. another thing i need to address in the near future is moving out (again). i dont want to be bounded in an environment where i am not allowed to grow. its scary moving out because yknow its like ... im so used to being at home with my mom and ive always had problems with my health and she’s always been my safety net but i need to do things on my own. of course, when im ready but we’ll save this for another time

anywho, theres that. i really hope things become better in the future!

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isa-ghost · 3 years

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How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

#jacksepticeye #jse community #jse egos

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homieswithhades · 3 years

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why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

#long post #stucky #captain america #steve rogers #mcu #marvel #tfatws #bucky barnes #peggy carter #hwh's marvel thoughts #please dont bullshit me in the comments also i dont have the strength #imma hide this in the tags praying no 1 will b bothered to look but steve and bucky gay #everytime some1 calls their relationship brotherly it takes 10 years off my life nd makes me wanna impale myself ❤#also no beta we die like men #my meta

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unknownwriting · 3 years

Text

Summary: childhood friends to lovers with the asl trio hc (modern au!)

Characters: Sabo, Portgas D. Ace, Monkey D. Luffy

Notes: Uhhh...I didn’t just write more Sabo and Ace. 🙈 omg I really can’t get enough of these 2. Lol it was hard to write Luffy but I tried my best 😌

━━☆⌒*.

Sabo

Definitely love at first sight. When he first saw you, he wasn’t sure why, but he loves you. Maybe it the way you smiled, or laughed, or your playful eyes. Whatever it was, Sabo has always like you since you were kids.

now seeing how the world isnt perfect, Sabo had only barely got to know you before he was forced to move away to London (idk why London but Oda said that Sabo was British sooo....🤷🏼‍♀️ and like if you live in London or what not just don’t for the sake of the hc 😌)

Of course before he left he made sure to make a secret email so he could still email you and his brothers. Once he got his phone he did not wait to give you his number and call.

because he still lives over sea (assuming that no one reading this lives in England...) the 2 of you would call and text all the time. Text each other good morning and how y’all slept, text through the day about every little thing, and at night the 2 of you would fall asleep on the phone (I completely forgot about the time difference so just ignore it for this)

I can’t even tell you how many time you had your phone taken up and had Ace to steal it back.

even though the 2 of you couldn’t see each other in person, only being able to call and text didn’t seem to stop you 2. You still told each other everything, sent each other memes on Insta, and called when ever you got a chance.

no don’t think that just because Sabo is over seas, Ace doesn’t know about his crush on you. 100% knows about it and 100% teases you about it. You can’t really get mad at him because if it wasn’t for him you wouldn’t have realized your feelings for Sabo

but with Ace knowing about Sabo crush, he made sure to keep other boys away just because he can. Sabo really didn’t ask for it but he’s still greatful anyways.

and so with any boy that has ever like you being scared away by Ace, in your senior year of highschool (Sabo is 2 years older than you so he had to wait until your senior year) Sabo fianlly came out and told you that he liked you. And surprise, surprise you like him too and as soon as those words left your lips, he dropped everything and booked the next flight. He didn’t even tell you here was flying over till he landed.

you, Ace and Luffy wasted no time and drove right to the air port. You definitely made sure to wear your running shoes because you practically sprinted to one side of the air port to the other. As soon as your eyes landed on the blonde, you jumped straight into his arms and didnt let go for a solid 10 minutes.

with sabo now home, of course y’all throw a huge party. How could you not. Literally everyone’s invited. Garp, Daran (she complains, but she happy and everyone knows it), all the straw hats, most of the whitebeard pirates, even Shanks and his crews shows up even though they hardly know Sabo. It’s just a huge party

the party could’ve gone on for days but Sabo still had to get situated. So once the party ended the 2 of you began to unpack his stuff at your house. He came over with practically nothing so it wasn’t hard. And once that’s was done, the 2 of you began to do a bunch of couple-y shit to make up for the time spent apart.

touch starve, both of you, but most Sabo. Always had to be touching you. Whether it’s holding hands, kisses on the cheek , or just hugging. He feels the need to make up for all the years he was away from you.

and you better be ready for surprise dates, like this man will not stop making you feel loved. And in all honesty you could care less about the dates, simply being with him and being able to hug him after so long is all that you need. It doesn’t take a lot for the 2 of you to feel loved at all but just let Sabo spoil you. If you don’t he’ll practically throw a fit. And plus being smothered in kisses isn’t that bad from time to time

omg I so need a fanfic like that 🤧

Portgas D. Ace

At first Ace came out cold to you, just like he did Luffy. When Ace was a child he didn’t think he deserved to be love so he contuined to stay cold but just like Luffy, you didn’t give up. You tried to make conversation and play with him and sooner or later he did come around to you.

But what really sparked his so called curiosity with you was when Sabo had told you who his dad was and you simply shrugged it off, saying, “his dad has nothing to with Ace. As far as I’m consered he’s dad’s irrelevant at this point.” It was bold for you to say but Ace liked that. From there on out there aways seemed to be a glow that followed you, like a spot light.

Ace knows everything about you, even the things you don’t know. He doesn’t do it to be creepy he just couldn’t stop thinking about you. Ace knows your favorite color that changes every 3 months, how you like your pizza, how you always sleep talk, how you have a bad habit of speaking before you think and how you bite the inside of your cheek when your nervous, and how you dig your nails into your palms when your angry

He’s know you inside out and he really doesn’t mean it in a creepy way. It’s just hard to not watch you when your caught his attention. Now all throughout elementary school and middle school he didn’t think much of it. But once he was a freshmen in highschool and you were a 7th grader, and boys began to take interest in you that’s when he finally figured out: he was in love with you

of course, he had a little help from Sabo. Sabo’s best friends with Ace, how could he not notice? He thought it would be best to let Ace figure out that unknown feeling himself, seeing how Ace’s has never once thought about it. But as soon as Ace was able to figure out his feelings, Sabo was right there ready to help him out

It wasn’t hard, really. You were right by Ace when he slowly came out of his shell thanks to Whitebeard and his crew who took Ace in. And once you saw how lively and happy he got it was hard not to fall in love with him. Now that hard part was trying get together

Thatch was the the one who ended up actually getting you 2 together with the help of Sabo and Koala. Now of course, they waited until your senior year of highschool so things weren’t weird and then the plan was set into motion.

If the 2 of you had to be honest, you don’t even remember how it happened. You 2 just started dating The plan was all over the place, so the 2 of you just decided to tell each other you like them. And then boom, the 2 of you were a couple.

So like everyone always knows this but Ace won’t care of the relationship of the other one doesn’t love back. With his past he needs to know that he is loved, so while he always spoil you in kisses and acts like he is the giver in the relationship, you know well enough that he’s a receiver. You don’t mind at all anyways, seeing the fluster look at his face, is enough for you.

But that doesn’t means he does plan surprise dates, or random gifts. The relationship you 2 have is very balanced, nothing ever feels to overbearing. And I know I say this a lot but dating Ace is the best thing to ever happen

Monkey D. Luffy

Honestly the 2 of you probably met at some random park. You don’t even know how it happened. One minute you playing on the play ground, next thing you know your walking in the woods with a random boy that was about your age.

You couldn’t really complain though, the playground was getting boring and being pulling along for an adventure wasn’t bad. While on the adventure you were able to learn, surprisingly a lot about the boy. But the big take away is that his name is Luffy, he’s got 2 bigger brothers, and is around 7, about 2 years younger than you.

Definitely ended up spending the whole day with him in the woods. Y’all did everything from climbing trees, finding rare beetles, fighting animals, and playing in the ponds. You hardly met this kid yet and yet you had more fun than any other friend you met. By the time y’all headed back it was practically nighttime and, although he probably didn’t do it internationally, Luffy ended up walking you all the way to you house.

Before you could even knock on the door, your parents swung open the door and engulfed you into a crying hug while also scolding you at the same time. They were definitely giving off mixed emotions. From there, Luffy let out a loud laugh and ran off, waving by to his new friend. From that day forwards, you seemed to always be caught up in some mess with him. Y’all would meet at the park, at school, at stores, just any place where the 2 of you could have any type of fun.

This went on for a while, the 2 of you would adventure off to the woods, until Luffy’s brothers began to ask who you were. That’s when Luffy finally decided to take you to his house. It’s not that he didn’t want to take you before it’s just that he thought it would be more fun to go other places. But once Luffy brought you to his house, Dadan, the lady you learned who was taking care of them, practically had a heart attack. Seeing anything kid was the last thing she wanted. You had to tell her like 10 times that you were just here to hang out with Luffy.

It’s not like it mattered though, you were already with him so it was really like Dadan had to take care of you. But just like the other boys she definitely came around to like you. And of course, Ace and Sabo came around to like you. How could they not? It wasn’t everyday that a girl would hang out with them. Whether or not he wants to admit it, Sabo had a small crush on you. But it didn’t last long after seeing your relationship with Luffy.

The think about Luffy is that he’s not gonna know he has a crush or even realize it on his own. He doesn’t really care that much. He knows all about dating and love and the birds and the bees, he just doesn’t care as much. So Luffy didn’t notice his crush on you until you brought it up. And even once you brought it up, not much changed between you 2. Not because he doesn’t like you he just doesn’t see what’s the difference between being friends and dating.

You ended up telling him you liked him early on but you didn’t want to actually get into anything until high school. So you waited until sophomore year then you asked Luffy to date you. Of course he got a push from Ace and Sabo but Luffy was gonna say yes anyways. And thus, the 2 of you began dating.

Dating Luffy is kinda a challenge. He not one to pick up on the little things or signals, so most of the time you have to tell him straight forwards. Whether you want a kiss, a hug, or to go on a date. Although the 2 of you are dating, Luffy acts how he was before beacuse he doesn’t see how the relationship changed much. He doesn’t do it to hurt or upset you, it’s just how he sees it.

And although you have to tell Luffy what you want most of the time. Dating Luffy is surprisingly easy, too. Depending on what it is, Luffy could either be a challenge or not. Beacuse you have to tell Luffy everything communication is really strong between the 2 of you. The both of you also trust each other very much. Because Luffy doesn’t just build relationships with anyone. Once the relationship starts though, you can expect him to be very trustworthy and reliable. Luffy adores all the friendships he makes, so he’ll never befriend someone who he doesn’t trust.

#one piece #portgas d ace x reader #portgas d. ace #sabo #sabo x reader #monkey d. luffy #luffy x reader #one piece x reader #asl trio #unknownwriting💕

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sxngshine · 4 years

Text

Phobia

• Pairing: Chan x reader

• Word Count: 4.26k+

• Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

• Warnings: a bit of drinking, car sex, oral(M receiving), unprotected sex(wrap it up), switch!reader, dom!Chan idk what else but don't read if you don't like smut.

• Summary:idk how to explain without spoiling shhsshhs just read it.

• Notes: This was a long overdue story dedicated to @braveshin djsjxs. I had it half done but then went ia but now I'm kinda back so here you go🤧🤧. This is my first full/complete smut so apologies for the lack of knowledge in that part lmao. Happy reading💞! [Edited but possible mistakes lemme know if I missed smtn]

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You hadn't seen him in ages. After you both confessed to each other you thought everything would be all rainbows and peaches between the two of you. And to be honest it was. But then there was just one issue, the both of you were super awkward when it came to intimacy.

You always had the regular kisses and hand holding and hugs like every other couple. But the issue was that neither of you tried to go father in fear that the other wouldn't like it or would be uncomfortable.

That was 2 years ago. Now the both of you live separate lives without each other. He had gotten his dream job as an artist, you saw him on TV quite a lot and it made you miss him even more.

You got your dream job as well, one that allowed you to travel a lot and on the side you were a well known content creator. People admired you for being able not only work through a super busy schedule, but also create original content for your viewers.

The both of you had tried maintaining a long distance relationship, but you felt like you were drifting away from him because of your busy schedules and being unable to talk. You had enough of it one day, missing him and hating that he was never around anymore.

In the end, you both decided to stay friends but lost contact with each other in a matter of months.

There were many regrets that you had, many things you wish you had said and done but it was too late now. You never even once told him that you loved him properly and you always wished you could go back in time to tell him.

After so long, you would think you'd finally be over him, but here you are sitting in a club drinking your problems away.

You didn't really want to be here, you were on break for a few days and wanted to mope around your apartment after seeing him perform his newest album , but your friend dragged you here with a hope of loosening you up and after getting you to drink 6 shots of whatever concoction she stirred up, it started to work.

You didn't drink too much though, enough to get your mind off of things but not enough to be super hungover the next day.

You expected the night to go by with you sitting alone with your glass of whatever your friends gave you as you watched your people dance too close too each other.

What you didn't expect though, was to see him walk through the door. You were beyond shocked, what's he doing here?

It looked like his old group of friends dragged him here. You watched him discretely -or at least tried to- as he looked around the place with clear distaste in his eyes, wanting to be anywhere else except here. But the moment his eyes met yours, all those thought flew out of his head like they were never there in the first place. Your eyes widened and it was like time had stopped.

The harsh music in the background was nonexistent at this point and the other people disappeared. It was just you and him. His friends went to go find a vacant table but he made his way over to you instead.

You looked away and prayed he wouldn't come over but it was useless because in a matter of moments, you were faced to face with the one and only person you were trying to forget about.

"Y/N? Is it really you?" He asked, clear surprise in his eyes.

"Hey... Chan," you greeted, smiling nervously as you looked anywhere but his eyes.

"How're you? I haven't seen you for so long I almost didnt recognize you! You look so different," He exclaimed.

It was true, you completely changed your look after the both of you lost touch. Your once short hair was now at your waist, the once all black and baggy wardrobe was replaced with bright, slightly more fitting clothes (you were quite sad but you loved your new clothes so it was okay). You held yourself high with confidence which was foreign to him because you were normally so shy.

His eyes raked over your outfit, you wore a tight sparkly navy blue dress that ended mid thigh. Your shoulders and collarbones bare due to the skinny straps and low neck.

You couldn't help but look him over as well. He was clad in black ripped skinny jeans and a black tshirt, blonde hair untamed on his head. His chains sparkled under the flashy lights of the club and his leather jacket was doing his arms wonders. In other words, he looked hot. But you couldn't just say that.

After shamelessly checking each other out for a solid 2 minutes Chan cleared his throat.

"So uh, mind if I sit down?" He asked, giving you a small smile in which you returned with a nod.

The both of you started catching up, talking about your accomplishments and old memories you shared. You wanted to get some fresh air after a bit so the both of you grabbed your things and walked outside, the cool air sending pleasant shivers up your spine. You strolled down to the parking lot and Chan offered to drive you around in his car which you accepted.

"If you don't mind, can I take you somewhere?" He asked, after a few moments silence.

You nodded and Chan drove you both to wherever he wanted to take you. Fifteen minutes later the both of you arrived at a cliff that overlooked the city.

You remembered it being a place you and Chan visited often during the night, the city sparkling under you as the both of you goofed around. You had made many memories here.

"You still remember this place?" You asked, getting out of the car and walked over to the edge, leaning against the railing. "I haven't been here in ages!"

"How could I forgot? This was an important place to me." He answered, coming up beside you, looking over at the city illuminated by thousands of lights.

Then a silence fell upon the two of you. You didn't feel the need to say anything, just enjoying the silence and the distant buzz of the city. It was... comforting.

"I missed you Channie, I missed you a lot." You said out of nowhere. You weren't looking at him, but you could tell he was looking at you. The alcohol was getting to you but you didn't mind, needing the extra confidence.

"Ever since you left, I started regretting not doing so many things. I never got to tell you how much you meant to me, how important you were. I wish I could've told you how much I loved you and cared about you. How I never actually wanted to break up and how broken I became when we did," you felt tears form in your eyes as you poured your heart out to him.

"I said I was doing great before but I lied, I spent a good month locked in my room just crying. I was such a mess and then we just stopped talking and my whole world just broke apart and I just-" your voice cracked as tears now fell freely down your cheeks. You bent down and buried your face in your hands, sobbing hard.

Chan was so caught off guard with your confession, but he knew right now wasn't the time for him to be acting like that. He bent down beside you and pulled you into a hug, allowing you to cry as much as you needed while he rubbed your back.

When he felt like you had mostly calmed down, your hard sobs turning into small sniffles and hiccups, he released you from the hug.

"Y/N, look at me," he said, his hand coming towards your face. You reluctantly looked up at him, your eyes red and puffy with mascara running down your cheeks.

"When I left, it took everything in me not to just drop everything and stay. I was in a terrible state when we broke up, my members kept saying I looked like a literal zombie. There were so many times where I was gonna call you but backed away cause I thought you wouldn't want to talk anymore," he admitted.

"R-really?" You stuttered, trying to even out your breathing.

Chan nodded, his eyes flickering to your lips before going back to your eyes.

"Can I-" Chan tried to say but was cut off by your lips smashing into his. He wasn't prepared for it and fell back from the force, pebbles digging into his palms.

But Chan could care less, the only thing on his mind was how soft your lips felt against his. All that built up tension between the two of you had resurfaced and neither one of you were going to stop till you were relieved.

The both of you pull away after a long heated kiss, looking deeply into each others eyes.

"Wanna continue at my place?" Chan asked, breathing heavily. You shook your head and moved off of him.

"That'll take too long and I'm not in the mood for waiting." You said, standing up before lending him a hand.

Chan was surprised by your response but it turned him in even more. "Car?" He asked, taking your hand.

You nodded and dragged him to the back seat of his car, opening the door before pushing him in gently. Once he was in you climbed in after him and closed the door.

Wasting no time, you crawled onto his lap and cupped his cheeks. "Are you okay with this?" He whispered.

You nodded, whispering a small yes and kissed him again, your lips moulding together in perfect sync. You both of you have shared kisses before, but they were only light pecks, nothing more than that. If you knew kissing Chan would feel like this you would've done this a lot earlier.

Chans hands, which rested on your waist started travelling south to your ass and squeezed. You gasped into the kiss and he used the opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth.

He moaned as his tongue explored your wet and warm cavern, your tongues swirling around in unison. Chan lowered you onto the seat, hovering over you as he groped your ass.

Your arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, fingers pulling at his hair. You were in such a euphoric state you didn't realize that Chans hands had left your ass and were now removing the straps of your dress.

He moved to sit up so that he could see your half naked body, dress pooled at your hips and everything else exposed for his eyes to take in and admire. "Fuck you look so gorgeous.." Chan cursed before diving into your neck, leaving dark bruises all over your throat and collar bones.

"Chan.... take it off," you mumbled, pulling on his jacket as he attacked your neck. "I don't want to be the only nude one here,"

Chan quickly sat up and began removing his jacket, throwing it to some random corner in his car. He had been distracted trying to remove his shirt, and you took the opportunity to switch things around.

Before Chan could process what was happening, you had flipped him over onto the seat and straddled his legs, looking down at him with a mischievous smirk as you ran your nails down his solid abs, causing a shiver to run up his spine.

"What're you-" he tried to protest but you shushed him by placing your finger to his lips.

"I may have seemed like I'd submit to you before , but that's not the case here baby boy. I can dom quite well too," you winked at him, licking your lips at you took in his smooth pale skin and hard muscle. "Let me show you how much I love you too,"

You're head sunk down to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "Just relax and let me do the work," you whispered into his ear.

Chan decided to obey your wish for now, wanting to see where this would go. He was becoming harder every passing second as he felt your hand trace his abs and your mouth do wonders to his neck and chest, leaving hickeys all over.

You ground your clothed heat against his covered crotch and it was driving Chan crazy. "Quit teasing me and take it off already," he rasped.

You smirked and moved away from him. "Yes sir," you whispered, softly grinding your hips to his as you took your time unbuckling his belt. Chan had about enough of your teasing and quickly sat up, pushing you down onto the seat once again.

He glared at you as he quickly pulled down his pants, bringing his boxers down with it and brought a little relief to his rock hard cock.

You gawked at how large it was and Chan sat down on the seat, legs spread. "Put that pretty mouth to use babygirl," he demanded.

You knew exactly what he wanted and moved to first remove your dress off your hips, leaving you in just your panties. Grabbing his red and hard cock, you pumped it a few times before pressing a soft kiss to the angry red tip, eliciting a moan from Chan's mouth.

You licked a stripe from the base of his shaft back to his tip before taking it into your mouth. Chans fingers threaded into your hair and held the strands tight, pushing you all the way down his dick so your nose was touching his pelvis. Chan let out a loud groan, tip hitting the back of your throat as he pulled it out then back down your throat.

You felt tears prick your eyes has Chan showed no mercy to your throat. Your scalp was sore from the vice grip he had on your hair but you liked it, feeling your core become wetter than it was before.

You felt Chan twitch in your mouth but he pulled you off before he could come, hissing to himself as he held his orgasm in. When he felt as if he could continue without cumming with one touch he quickly motioned you to lay down once again

"You can show me how much you love me some other time babygirl, but right now I'm in charge," Chan said, hovering over your body once again.

His lips attached to your breast, rolling his tongue over the hard bud as his fingers hooked around your panties. He removed his lips from you at ask you for permission which you nodded to.

Instantly his mouth returned to working its magic on your nipples as he pulled your panties down your legs. He dropped them onto the floor, fingers slowly caressing up from your calves to your thighs, ghosting where you needed him the most.

He switched to your other nipple, once again ghosting over your core and you let out a small whimper. "Chan.. please I need you," you whined.

"I don't know... I'm having fun teasing you like this," Chan mused, moving his head away from your chest. He finally looked down at your core and smirked widely.

"Look at how wet you are babygirl, and I still have yet to touch you there," Chan's pride had gone through the roof, pleased that he could make you feel this way.

Finally showing you some mercy, he rubbed his fingers against your core, cause you to moan and buck your hips against his fingers, trying to get more friction.

Chan held your hips down with one hand while the other collected your wetness on his fingers, dipping in into your entrance. You let out a gasp as you felt his finger push inside you, not used the feeling.

"Goddamn Y/N, I only put in one finger but your still so tight," chan groaned, pumping his finger in and out of you before slipping in another one.

You moaned, bucking your hips against his fingers. You were so lost in trying to reach your high you didn't realize Chan stopped moving his fingers.

"Shit- that was so hot." Chan cursed. That's when you realized he wasn't moving. Your eyes snapped open and looked into his dark ones already staring hard at you.

"Do you like fucking yourself on my fingers? Does it make you feel good?" He asked, pulling his fingers out of you.

You whined, feeling your orgasm slipping away each second he wasn't touching you.

"When I ask a question I expect an answer babygirl," Chan demanded.

"Yes! Yes I do," you replied quickly, hoping he'd start doing something again.

"Do you want my fingers to make you come?" He smirked, his wet fingers lightly rubbing your folds.

"N-no! Please Chan I need you," you cried out when he pressed his fingers on your sensitive bud.

"What do you need babygirl? Tell me," he continued teasing you, fingers circling your entrance.

"I want you to fuck me please," you whimpered, hips twitching from his agonizingly slow movements.

"You'll need to do better than that," he retorted, stopping his actions.

"I-I want you to fuck my pussy with your cock Chan- hnmf!" You tried to say but were cut off by Chans fingers being pushed into your mouth. You instinctively swirled your tongue around his fingers, sucking your essence off his fingers.

"Such a good girl..." he muttered, taking his finger out of your mouth. He lined himself at your entrance before cursing under his breath.

"Can I go in raw? I don't have a condom on me.." Chsn asked, looking at you for permission.

"I'm on birth control, it's okay," you confirmed. Your heart swelled at how he still asked you for consent rather than just going in for it.

Chan didn't waste another second, slowly pushing his head into your throbbing pussy.

"Fuck..." you both moaned. Chan slowly eased his way into you, giving you time to adjust to his thick length stretching you out deliciously.

Your jaw fell slack when he bottomed out, feeling so full with him completely inside you. He gave you a second to adjust before drawing out of you almost completely and then pushing in again, setting a slow pace with deep thrusts.

You couldn't do anything but moan, fingers clutching Chans biceps as he lowered his head back to your chest.

"Chan.. harder.. go.. harder," you panted, letting out a loud moan when he did just that.

Both of you were lost in a euphoric state, trying to chase your own highs. You felt a knot like feeling in your stomach, one that was growing tighter and tighter with each hard and deep thrust Chan gave you.

"I-I'm so close," you cried when Chan hit a particular spot that really had you screaming.

"Cum baby," Chan whispered in your ear. And that's all it took for that tight knot to come undone.

You moaned Chans name as you came all over his cock, walls clenching around him so tight that it had him shooting his hot seed deep into your womb.

Chan help both of you rode out your highs, but didn't pull out just yet. You could feel him becoming soft inside of you.

"That was amazing..." you panted lightly, a smile gracing your face. Chan stared down at you, nodding his head in agreement.

He slowly pulled out of you, cum dripping from your pussy to your ass. Chan quickly grabbed a box of tissues from the back and cleaned the both of you up.

You sat up and pulled your dress back on, not liking how quiet Chan was being.

"Chan? Are you okay?" You asked. Chan's head snapped up, turning to you.

"What- oh uh.. yeah I'm okay," he said, but you were unconvinced.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong?" You pressed. Chan just sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I-I feel like I this was a mistake. I spent so long trying to get over you. I thought I was while I was overseas but then I was pulled to that stupid club and saw you. And all that time I spent getting over you went down the drain just like that. And to makes things worse, I just fucked you!" Chan admitted, frustrated he ruffled his hair aggressively.

You felt your heart shatter. He thought this was a mistake...? You swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from forming.

"Y-you think what we did just now was a mistake?" You asked, voice cracking slightly.

Chan realized what he said and instantly started denying it. "No no no, I don't! It's just that, we spent so long getting over each other, you yourself said you're not over me. And i just made it worse for you,"

"I don't regret it Chan." You stated, looking at him with glassy eyes. "Everything that just happened, I don't regret any of it."

Chan looked at you sadly, pulling you into a hug. You buried your face into his shirt, feeling a few tears come out of your eyes and soak his shirt.

"Chan, if you could, would you date me again?" You mumbled, feeling kind of drowsy.

"Definitely. I wouldn't hesitate to ask you again," Chan answered. You thought for a second before replying.

"Then why aren't you saying anything now?" You ask. Chans brows knit together in confusion. He sits you up straight and looks into your eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's holding us back from dating now?" You asked, looking right back into his eyes.

"Y/n... I'm gonna be travelling a lot. I'm only here for the week then I'm going to be going on tour for the next 2 or 3 months. We'd never work out. The same thing that happened before will happen again and I can't go through another heartbreak." Chan said dejectedly.

"I-I'll wait for you Chan, I swear. No matter how long it takes. I was selfish before and only thought of myself. I'm more open minded now, I don't mind waiting. Just please don't leave me again." You pleaded, hands clutching his shirt.

Chan felt his own tears forming, a small smile forming on his face. He cupped your cheeks, wiping the tears from your face.

"Are you sure? You'd have to be very patient with me then. I won't be able to text often, I'll be out of town at least 3 times a week, I won't always answer your calls. I'll be tired and unable to take you out on proper dates most of the time, they'd be pretty rare. Do you think you'll be able to handle all that." He asked, resting his forehead against yours.

"I'll be as patient as I possibly can. No matter how tired you are, or how far away you are or how busy you are. No matter what mood you're in. I'll support you however I can and be as understanding as possible. I promise." You answered, a smile forming on your face as well.

"Well then L/n Y/n, will you be my girlfriend... again?" Chan asked, giggling a little. Your smile turned into a grin and you kissed Chan softly.

"Does that answer your question?" You asked after pulling away. Chan pecked your forehead and nodded.

****

Chan was driving you home, not realizing how late it had gotten. He held your hand in his while keeping the other on the wheel, refusing to let go when you told him to keep both hands on the wheel.

You and Chan caught up along the way, with Chan talking about his music and future albums and you talking about your life as a content creator and your job. Chan, much to your dismay confessed to watching your videos when he was bored or too lazy to continue working, claiming that your videos were very entertaining and creative.

"The way you were trying to get dress coded at work had me laughing like crazy!" Chan exclaimed, stilling laughing while imitating how happy you were when you finally did get dress coded.

"Everyone's worn that shirt at least once! I was determined to wear it as well. Besides you gotta break the rules every now and then," you winked, giggling right after.

The both of you were silent for a little while, simply enjoying each others presence before you accidentally snorted out loud. Chan glanced you with an eyebrow raised. "What was that?"

"Sorry," you giggled, a faint blush on your face out of embarrassment. "I was just thinking about everything that happened. We did everything in the wrong order. You were supposed to asked me out first, take me in a date and then we'd get to the fucking stage. But we went straight to fucking then you asked me out."

"We're unique. We don't follow the rules." Chan laughed. "By the way, I'll take you on a date tomorrow."

You snorted again, loving how messed up your sequence was. "Okay, I can't wait."

And from then on you and Chan found yourselves living your best lives with each other. Nothing like the first relationship you had. Rather than showing a lack of affection and communication like before, you were much more the opposite. And that's exactly how you'd perfer it to be.

Fin.

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Should I make an alternate ending or a part 2👀? I kinda wanna make y'all cry jdsjka.

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