#I don’t know if I’ll get it all back

[kittyslittlecorner]

I’m more drawn to the idea of acting/thinking like a kitty than acting/thinking like a child but I definitely consider myself a Little baby cat

And lately I’ve been wondering if more “childlike” play would be good for me

Just the innocent enjoyment of toys or bubbles or stuffed animals or cartoons. Etc.

You can obviously enjoy those as an adult too!!!!I just had trauma so young, it feels like a lot of my childhood was marred in a way and … I kind of want to explore what it’s like to revisit things that made me happy when I was younger.

#I do think I still had a good childhood #it’s not as though everything was bad! #I just had a few … very very bad things happen #and I’ve been thinking about making an effort to be kinder to myself #and more playful #and embrace things I used to want to engage with as a child #I also like the nostalgia of sort of uncanny 90s/2000s kids spaces #like old bouncy houses and birthday party rooms and Chuck E. Cheese’s #with bright primary colors and balloons and paper plates and the smell of soda and cheese pizza #there’s so much I remember and yet #so little #some of its just … blurry #some of its lost #I don’t know if I’ll get it all back #but maybe I can just work on being what I need now #and reconnecting with whatever bright-eyed joy I felt in between all the bad. #personal #idk

[lygma-nygma]

Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.

#this post was inspired by me remembering the experience of reading death in the family #after only knowing the fanbase version and realizing oh none of that shit happened okay #like girl you don’t understand it’s so bad #Jason wasn’t even fired as Robin #He’s not accused of murdering anyone by Bruce #He’s not trying to prove himself at all he’s just looking for his mom #The reason Bruce didn’t go after him right away is because he was tracking down a goddamn nuke the Joker stole #Then after he finds it and handles the problem he helps Jason track down moms 2 and 3 #Also Jason died in like 20 minutes?? even less?? #He died in less time than it took his mother to smoke a cigarette #Bruce literally went ‘wait here I’ll be right back’ and was gone for less time than a trip to the grocery store #and then you go into the Jason Todd tag and they act like Bruce pulled the damn trigger on him #Like besties I don’t know how to tell you this he basically did everything right he possibly could have #Even him benching Jason from Robin temporarily happens so that he can get Jason into therapy about his trauma #Like the whole point is that neither of them did anything wrong bad shit just sometimes happens #That’s the tragedy. The drama. #Bruce couldn’t have made better choices in the position he was in and Jason was never going to make different ones #It was inevitable #Anyway rant over please read death in the family before I lose my mind #batfam #batman #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #damian wayne #bruce wayne

[doctorsiren]

every time I mention Ace Attorney around my (defense lawyer) father, he asks if I’ll be going to law school now

the best bit was me telling him that if I did that, I would be fulfilling the Phoenix Wright prophecy because I’d be dropping my art degree to pursue law

#doctorsiren #not art #siren speaks #ace attorney #I go to the same college that he went to law school at and the view from my dorm is literally the law school #see if I wasn’t trying to be an artist #I *would* be going into law or criminology #I did mock trial all throughout high school #went to state for courtroom art all 4 years #i feel like Phoenix defo would have done courtroom art for mock trial when he was in high school #I’m just projecting because I know how the California Mock Trial Association works (I’m from California) #it’s pretty interesting to me that it took me until after my freshman year in COLLEGE to get into AA #when I did law stuff all throughout high school #maybe it was better than I didn’t get into back then HAHA #I feel like I can appreciate it more as an 18/19 year old sophomore in college than I could’ve as an 13/14 year old freshman in high school #also I made a joke that if I don’t get into my program this next year when i apply then I’ll go to law school instead haha

[kinokoshoujoart]

oops all rock (springtime edition)

i’ll be able to draw digitally again soon! ;w; in the meantime i’ve been scribbling a lot on paper…

could not wait for Soon, so i resorted to coloring it using the markup tool in default iphone photos app (don’t do that ever again)

#my art #sos awl #debating whether to just dump my sketches from my soujourn to hell or save them to be transferred and finished as digital stuff #or like both idk. i don’t know how ppl feel about WIPs #i’m happy to post art again ;w; thank you everyone who welcomed me back i’m slowly getting through everything i missed while i was y’know #and thank you for the sweet messages while i was gone i am bbghkjh i need to calm myself and respond !!!! love #rock tumbling (sos) #story of seasons a wonderful life #bokumono #story of seasons #harvest moon #hm awl #harvest moon a wonderful life #bunny sighting 😳 i still have THOSE wips too #there’s certain things i wanna prioritize once i can use my tablet again and those are one of them #but i will also probably post new stuff alongside finishing old unfinished stuff….. i hope that is OK…… #idk i’ll have to talk more later! right now i am nervous!!! i love you all!!!! #fanart #awl rock #bokujou monogatari #hm anwl #unfortunately this scum neet still has my entire heart so. most of the notebook is just him pulling goofy faces… sorry…….. #also a lot of lumina and nami…. and molly…. they r really cool… #ceci is also cool and i’ve drawn a collage of her that i just. never posted #mostly drawing HMDS related stuff about the descendant characters #OK I’LL STOP TAGBLOGGING #i am once again back in DS for girl hell. i want to make a series of posts about differences in the English vs the Japanese version #and also fun secret things related to DS #this is all in the future i gotta finish all my unfinished stuff…. uuuu…. #i love you all mmmmmwah (i cast sleepy time blanket and sleep forever)

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[anna-scribbles]

h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work

unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion

#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad #because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid #i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back #i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades #i might be able to snag a short nap before work #but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen #WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE #well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway #OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal. #anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently #emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it #and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry #so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever? #and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this?? #also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m #so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point #anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari #after escaping her british nobility life #and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course. #and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known #and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates. #and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time #also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w #but at least he’s still obsessed with her #this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either. #ml #anna rambles #asks

[lovereadandwrite]

he cooked ! he served !! HE ATE😮‍💨🥵

#& WHAT A GOOD MORNING IT WAS YEEESH WOOF WOOOOF #HE ROSE UP FROM THE 💀 HONEY HE DOES IT ALLLL THE TIME😌💅🏻 #bruh this chapter actually brought ME back to life I stg #I actually cannot express how Fyo in this fancy fit has rewritten my DNA I’ll literally never recover #no bc also why does Fyodor hold the sword like that ya know-🌝👁️👁️ #we got an outfit change & a plan reveal & FINALLY his ability confirmed !!! #I feel so validated for getting the majority of its aspects right🤭 were y’all’s theories close or are ya mind blown #I am v sad for Bram & Aya😭 but I truly don’t think he’s gone !! his body is an unded🧛🏻 after all #but also Bram pls let Fyo keep this fit TY😶‍🌫️ he had no right to look THIS GOOD IN IT my gaaaaawsh #I drew this like a maniac yesterday for insta but am finally getting to post here🫰 #fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor fanart #bsd fyodor #bsd #bsd fanart #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs fanart #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs fanart #fanart #bram bsd #artists on tumblr #artists of tumblr #bsd 114.5 #bsd manga #bsd spoilers #anime #manga #manga panel redraw

[sundriedsanctum]

I have been a pretty dedicated marauders fan for years now but I’ve never actually read the most popular fics of the fandom (I’ve heard so much about them though, and I’ve been wanting to read them for FOREVER) so today is the day that I finally begin reading All The Young Dudes

I’ve genuinely been so so so excited to read this I’m expecting to come out the other end a brand new (and probably slightly more sad) person

eeeee I’m excited!!!

#marauders #the marauders #wolfstar #atyd #all the young dudes #mskingbean89 #I really don’t know why I’ve put off reading them for so long #the longer I wait the more spoilers I get #maybe I’ll do commentary on here to look back at once I’ve finished reading them #Sirius black #James potter #peter pettigrew #remus lupin

[missjashin]

Gareth being the last one to accept Steve into their little group. He was wary and probably little too mean to Steve even when the guy obviously tried his best to be nice and friendly to him, to them all really. He had his reasons.

But he also kinda kept it going even after he figured out that yeah, Steve Harrington is a good dude. Simply because it was kinda fun to make Steve squirm a little. And see how easily he could turn Eddie back to docile with a simple “Eddie please” when the guy turned into a feral dog trying to defend his bf honor or whatever. (Tho that was also kinda weird to witness, considering how headstrong Eddie is)

Gareth is regretting his hostility quite a bit tho when they finally meet ✨Will✨Because oh my god that boy is cute. And nerdy. And cute. And adorable. And smart. And beautiful. And okay okay yeah you get the point… Did he mention cute? Little sweetness to his grumpiness. And oh yeah he is getting ahead of himself again.

And suddenly he is no longer up against Eddie’s gentle and sweet pretty little princess of a boyfriend. No, he has to deal with the mama bear Steve Harrington now. And that’s scary.

(Actually Steve thinks Gareth’s crush on Will is cute. But you know, he can have little fun with this. He knows how to be menacing too and it’s payback time✨)

#Steve asking Eddie if he thinks he is being little too mean to Gareth #and Eddie’s like oh hell no I’m loving this #Steddie #greatwise #steve Harrington #Eddie Munson #stranger things gareth #will Byers #I just think they’re neat okay #greatwise is super cute and I’ll offer this as a little treat #gareth stranger things #gareth the great #will the wise #gareth emerson #<- I know that’s not his canon last name but that’s what we all agreed on right? #I’ll get my focus back on Steddie now don’t you guys worry

[ecoqueer]

I wish that people gave a shit about nonbinary people who don’t use they/them pronouns. You can literally give your friend group (which includes another nonbinary person) a list of your favorite pronouns, none of which include they/them, and mention several times that you don’t like they/them pronouns for yourself, but they’ll make the switch from she/her pronouns to…they/them. And feel super proud of themselves for being sooo progressive as to use they/them pronouns for you….when those aren’t your pronouns.

I think that saying “he she and they are my least favorite but are fine in combination with other things…I’m really fine with any neos but here’s a list of my faves that you can choose from!” Is polite and not a difficult request. I’m not good at being a pushy person, and I shouldn’t need to be.

#it screams #i guess I’ll pull the lists out again and re-link them #but the aforementioned friends view messages from me as a chore and check them rarely so when they do they’ve built up and so just skim #everything #which I’m fucking tired of #I’ve been going back and forth on whether it’s better to have no friends or a few friends who make you feel shitty #dunno which is worse #they also are extremely cavalier with covid while knowing I have no health insurance #and have supported some statements/actions that really make me sad #so idk I might be basically friendless at this point #i hold on for too long to people who have clearly moved on and don’t much care about being my friend anymore #I’ve tried reaching out a few times to no avail so idk I might just give up #try to cultivate online relationships more #which feels pretty impossible to me #sigh #I’ve been not able to sleep well #because of issues in my life with…all of the few people in it #issues that could be solved if I had kept a wider support network #instead of getting trapped with someone who was abusing me and my friends who don’t seem to give a shit about that and expressed more #concern for him than for me when the news was revealed to them #again I don’t have health insurance so no therapist #which I fucking desperately need right now #i have no one separate to talk to #the one who knows all of the different factors from all of the angles…is the abuser #i feel like I’m in so much fucking pain and I feel so alone and all of the people in my life who are supposed to be my loved ones #are standing around me ignoring me completely and acting like everything is okay #just causing me more and more pain #well this didn’t start out intended as a vent but it sure turned into one huh #i wish I could convey to y’all the desperation and loneliness and aching that I feel #vent

[seagull-scribbles]

♠️♣️ Play your card ♥️♦️

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #hh husk #husk #was origionally going to base it of the king of hearts card but #then I was like a joker is more fitting #and then I was like nah he’s not a joker he’s a looser #my poor pathetic meow meow #I am grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and DRAGGING him #I have embedded so many headcanons in this like one of my friends said I could sell it at my stall in the summer #but it is so personalised to me I don’t think anyone would want it #right down to the different whiskers #and I said it on Instagram and I will say it again but chunky husk is peak male performance #this guy only drinks alcohol and only eats the shortest of foods #and you know he doesn’t exercise who are you kidding #it was oh so gracious of me to not give him a hunch back because we all know his old bones and fucked ahahaha #anyway enjoy #if this gets enough attention I’ll make a matching angle dust one but idk I’m happy with just leaving it as this guy

[shepards-folly]

Hi! I'm here to be a bad influence on you again, do you still like The Mason? I certainly like how you draw him so...

(consider this a free pass to doodle a little guy)

OH HO HO HO!!! Thank you for the ask :]! I will always take any excuse to draw characters i like

here’s a bunch of quick masons for the price of one aka i took this as motivation to compile some doodles and semi-finished things of them i had lying around!

i’ll probably post some close ups or ramblings in a rb later too! idk man yall might see alone on a friday night as its own post cause i think abt it all the time….

#shep arts #content smp #csmp #mason arathain #i doodled a few more mason as bugs concepts but really after doing the uhh weird scarf cape dragonfly one i just got bored :P #i may revisit something similar to the uh long one on the right cause idk i think its an interesting idea but i kinda bungled it here #tbh I don’t know shit about luxintrus and noxintrus but I had a thought a while back and i had to get it out of my system somehow #something aomething those two and their shadows(?) [<- DISCLAIMER: I KNOW NOTHING GOING ON IN THE CSMP TBH] #im a fanartist but also despite getting fixations on things I like never can get myself to really remember anything about them #if you want me to like explain anything about my favorite characters half the tome I just cannot. I’ll know like two things abt them #that or you get the unhinged ramblings of a man who knows too much… #tbh the first one is better for all parties involved…

[designernishiki]

playing kiwami 1 and man. all jokes about majima everywhere aside, it means Something to me that after kiryu gets out of prison the first and only person to go out of his way to find and see kiryu after 10 years is majima despite the fact that being in the tojo clan and fraternizing with kazuma kiryu at that point is basically a sin worthy of god knows what punishment (and in broad daylight at that). and all just because, in his own weird way, he missed him a lot.

#you know that quote that’s like. ‘you construct intricate rituals to touch the skin of other men’? yeah #I also feel like. well. actually I won’t say that yet cause I’ll make another post or add onto this with my next thought #cause I think it’s worth that #anyway yeah so far in kiwami ive found kiryu’s interactions with majima to get flirtier and flirtier Real quick #like it goes from ‘ugh majima leave me alone I don’t want to fight anyone without a reason to’ to ‘heh okay you wanna go? let’s do this’ #pretty quick #I know that can be read as him just being satisfied with the Process working to get his abilities back after being out of practice and all #but. I think it’s a bit of both and that that fact attributes to his growing a fondness for majima #kazumaji #yakuza #yk1 #kiryu #majima #rambling

[the-casbah-way]

i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too

#i remember what this boy looked like when he started getting spots and what he sounded like when his voice started breaking #and it makes me so excited even for the parts of t that everyone says are ‘bad’ #my identity is so much more binary than i tell myself it is. i play it down because being a fully binary Guy who wants to be purely masc is #a lot harder to break to my mother who is devastated even at the thought of me being a masculine woman #i’ve been pretending for a while that i’m more ‘in the middle’ than i really am because of that #but moments like this always remind me that i know exactly what i want to be and what i want to look like #and it’s the exact opposite of everything my mother wants me to be #this shit is going to be Hard. and i don’t expect my mother will stick around the further into my transition i get #which is so unbearable to me that i try not to think about it. i just can’t go back into the closet even for her #i was trying to force myself to do that before xmas and that’s what made me attempt and end up coming out to her #but i didn’t tell the full truth i just said i hate being feminine and i hate being a girl #i couldn’t bring myself to say the rest and i don’t know if i’ll ever say any of it to her #i wish i had a therapist so i could talk about all this as i’m working through the beginning of transition but. oh well

[phantom-peachie]

im ok

tw: death/loss

#I don’t really know how or where else to post this #but #I haven’t really been able to pick up a pen lately #I apologize for all the messages; commissions; and orders I hadn’t had the chance to get to #I lost my grandma and have been fighting a lot of emotions on top of starting at my new job #It’s been heavy but it feels a bit better to vent about it somewhere so here’s better than any haha #but I’m okay though no need to worry or send messages or anything #I’m getting back into the groove a bit. hopefully I’ll be able to post again soon <3 #Thank you all for the silly notes I’ve read up on since I logged off tumblr #they made me laugh :)

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

I've been thinkin' too many thoughts about the clones recently...anyways...

If it had never been acknowledged in universe…I think I might’ve been able to ignore how unbelievably fucked up the whole clone army concept is

I might’ve been able to accept it as just a convenient plot point for the republic to have an army to use

That’s what most stories do…they use a faceless army of “disposable” soldiers so that viewers don’t get too upset when so many die in battles

It’s what keeps those stories from feeling too dark

Hell, the stormtroopers from the OT are one of the most famous examples of that

But the thing is…it is acknowledged in universe

Multiple characters on multiple occasions have pointed the fucked-up-ness of it all

Even Obi-Wan in the AOTC novel is kinda horrified at the concept when he sees the clones for the first time

And it’s soooo hard to look past that

Especially with the jedi…I find it so hard to accept that the jedi are able to just ignore and accept it once the army proves to be useful

And like, yeah, when I look at star wars as a whole I understand that a lot of inconsistencies like this are just an inevitability with massive franchises

But it gets super frustrating to hold onto my suspension of disbelief capabilities when these problems are literally mentioned to and acknowledged by the jedi

Especially because I mostly love the jedi

#I just have to remember that ‘just because’ is a perfectly okay reason for stuff in fiction #that not every thing that happens can be completely rational or else there wouldn’t be a story #If I don’t then I’ll constantly be getting in my own way #stopping myself from enjoying things that are supposed to be fun #Anyways I’m gonna go back to watching tcw now #and gaslight myself into believing that the clones have rights so I can keep supporting the jedi :) #but like seriously #millions of SENTIENT HUMAN BEINGS being engineered and grown in a lab #with the specific purpose of fighting in a war that they have absolutely ZERO say in #and the reason they’re seen as better than the NON SENTIENT droids is because they can think creatively #aka THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR OWN MINDS AND THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS #and they literally have no choice but to fight in this war #not okay #at all #okay I'm gonna stop now or I'll lose my mind #btw I know the jedi weren't responsible for all that #but for the most part they were okay with and/or ignored that whole clones have no autonomy thing #:/ #star wars #sw the clone wars #the clone wars #sw clones #sw gar #kamino #aotc #attack of the clones #obi wan kenobi #stormtroopers #clone troopers #jedi