#I’m mainly talking about you Abby I love you <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cranberryjuice-posts · 3 months

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Hi!! I love your Clarisse fan fics so much <3! I was wondering if you could right one with very very sweet reader being in a straight toxic/abusive relationship and she just takes it but never tells anyone. Her and Clarisse where enemy’s but secretly loved each other. Than one day reader was walking around with a bruise on her face horribly covered in concealer but if you were looking for something you could still see and Clarisse did, but not at first, she was coming up to you to bully you but than she saw the bruise and she got all upset and reader was confused because Clarisse always bullied her. Reader just brushed it aside and walked away but left her dagger at the table, so when Clarisse returned it she saw your boyfriend through the window smacking you in the face and she lost it. She didn’t even knock on the door she just bursted in and she didn’t want to make you upset so she grabbed you boyfriends arm and dragged him out to the forest and beat the living shit out of him. She ran back to see reader and comforted her and it ended up with both of them confessing their love for each other and maybe some fluff or smut towards the end, you choose! 💕💕

Thank you!!

Not talking bout boys

Pairings - Clarisse La Rue x Daughter of Aphrodite! Fem! Reader

An - yes reader has a bf them being a lesbian in the fic is important side note I have a smutty Abby fic and a cute fic for clarisse coming out on Valentine’s Day so look out for those two

CW - abusive relationships, dyke is used, religous trauma

Everyone knew who you were. You were a beautiful charming daughter of Aphrodite as well as the vice councilor for the Aphrodite cabin.

You were a sweet heart, always being the first to show the new kids around camp, ready to help settle disagreements and you were well known for being someone anybody could come to for relationship advice.

Ironic.

People would often tell you how much they wished they had a relationship like yours. Your boyfriend Logan a son of Athena. Brains and beauty that’s what everyone said about you.

Funny thing about people is that they never saw what happened behind closed doors. You tried not to blame him but it was hard not to.

Laying on the floor of the empty Aphrodite cabin your held yourself up with your hands, your tears dropping on the floor after he hit you, why? It could be for anything today however it was because you wore a too revealing top that attracted attention, attention that Logan didn’t like.

“Really?! How many times do I have to tell you to get it through your dumb fucking head huh?” Logan yelled at you, kneeling down he forced your head up. He glared at you for a moment before letting you go, grabbing you softly and hugging you. “I’m sorry baby” he kissed your shoulder.

“I’m sorry baby you know I don’t like hitting you but sometimes it’s the only thing I can do to get messages across” he frowned gently holding your face, his personality doing a complete 360 from before.

“I know” you whispered. Leaning into his touch you couldn’t help it. Something felt off however, his touch made you feel dirty and guilty, the furthest thing from love yet… yet you still forgave him and felt as though you needed him.

——

Days normally blured together, with mornings going normally with you slowly doing your makeup mainly because you wanted to look your best but also because you needed the extra time to cover the bruises — dozing off you hadn’t realized you used to little yellow concealer to hide the purple of the deep mark.

After about an hour you walked out of your cabin, walking towards the dining pavilion for breakfast. Being shoved to the side you watched as Clarisse softly laughed with her siblings clearly mocking you. “It’s impolite to not say excuse me” you softly spoke fixing yourself shirt.

Turning around she looked you up and down. You felt her gaze linger for a moment before turning more serious. “Go get your share I’ll catch up” she ordered at her siblings. Once they started to leave she harshly grabbed your chin turning it so your cheek was In direct sunlight. “The hell is this” she carefully examined the mark

“Nothing” confused you looked over at her slightly offended by the circumstances. “Besides why would you even care”

“Because I can— How the fuck did you get that bruise on your cheek? Someone deck you or something” she sarcastically laughed. Immediately you shook your head denying it. “No no I uh, I fell”

Clarisse looked down at you for a moment, taking her thumb she caressed the sensitive bruise. “Whatever… just be more careful” she let you go before leaving you alone, irritated and.. flustered?

——

You laid in bed looking up at the ceiling not able to think.

Reaching up to your chest you softly took the cross necklace, something your father had given you before you arrived at camp.

Thinking about your dad always brought bad memories, how he forced you into the church. The snobby kids and the religion forced down your throat. Not allowed to ask questions or question anything. But the thing that stuck with you the most was the treatment of gay people.

You personally had no problem with them, the gods themselves seem to be fine with homosexual relationships but… why did it always feel so weird to you. You knew things were different about you but this time you didn’t mean being a demigod.

The way you viewed your boyfriend vrs well.. clarisse of all people made you confused. When you were with Logan you didn’t feel the same butterflys as silena would constantly brag about getting with Charlie. When you kissed it felt forced, how his hands touched you it make you want to rip your skin out.

But..

How clarisse had grabbed your chin today… you rolled over and silently groaned into your pillow.

Clarisse the same girl that would shove you. The same girl that made fun of your archery skills and called you weak for being kind. The same girl that would gently run a hand around your waist when you were in line for food… clarisse the same girl, who looked at you differently from everyone.

Why did you feel like this, why did she out of everyone make you feel like an idiot, a love sick idiot at that.

You groaned once more into your pillow, not realize how loud you were until one of your sisters threw a throw pillow at your head telling you to sleep.

Laying back down on your back You Just looked back up at the soft pink ceiling. Sure you had always thought women were pretty, and while it was true you found yourself thinking about them how you should think about Logan— there was no way you were gay.. you had a boyfriend you were straight.

A straight girl

A… straight girl

——

A few days had passed.

You had been sitting inside the armory looking around as you waited for your daggers sheath to be repaired. Walking back you bumped into someone.

Before you could fall you felt a strong hand grab your waist, looking up you saw the curly haired girl who haunted your dreams.

“Watch where your going” she pushed you up helping you regain your balance.

You felt your cheeks turn red, “uh thank you” tucked some hair behind your ear embarrassed. Clarisse nodded taking note of your outfit of a camp shirt and shorts. She rolled her eyes. “Yeah whatever”

Charlie had decided to walk over finally “hey, sorry look were a little backed up but I can Promise your sheath will be fixed tonight alright?” He asked, You nodded before you could speak however clarisse scoffed “That’s bullshit, fix her sheath now”

“I just said i couldn’t”

“Whatever we both know it’ll take you five minutes—“

“It’s Fine Clarisse i don’t mind waiting” You looked up at her placing a hand on her forearm.

You smiled at Charlie as you walked out the armory. You left embarrassed by how clarisse had stood up for you, but also how you had touched her and how she allowed it.

Once you were gone Clarisse looked over noticing your dagger laying on the table. She swore you would loose your head if it wasn’t attached to your neck. “Fix her sheath now”

“Cl—“

“Did I stutter?”

——

You found yourself inside the Athena cabin with Logan while everyone else was at the bondfire, his siblings making teasing remarks as they left. He just shook his head before looking back at you. “Hey there sexy” he grinned, you stood between his legs with his hand on your thigh.

You cringed slightly but smiled. “Hey” playing with one of his blonde curls you felt his hand travel towards your ass. You grabbed his hand pulling it away “not today.. please I just really am not in the mood for it”

Logan rolled his eyes dramatically taking his hands off you and turning to face the books on his desk. “Of course” he complained.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked confused crossing your arms. “You know what it means— every-time we’re alone you don’t want to do shit I’m fucking over it, what’s the point of having a girlfriend if she doesn’t even want to make out with you”

“I’m just not that good of a kisser I—“

“Your a daughter of Aphrodite your good at everything love related, know what can you just stop with this bullshit” he stood up aggressively making you flinch back some. “Stop what” you looked down to afraid to meet his eyes.

Logan grabbed your chin harshly forcing you to look at him, it made you think back to clarisse how when she grabbed you it was almost gentle. You looked to the side and for a moment it was quiet, thinking he was done you heard Logan let out a scoff like laugh.

He pushed your head away. “Fuck you”

“What?”

“You know what you fucking slut.” He stepped towards you. “Can’t believe i didn’t realize it sooner” Logan continued to shake his head in disbelief. You tried to stand up for yourself but all you felt was a harsh slap met your cheek not even a moment later.

“Your disgusting, I see how you look at the other girls at camp— clarisse fucking la rue to be specific, I notice how you let your eyes wander on her, I bet you wish she was with you now huh?! I bet you wish she was the one who was kissing you huh?!” Logan tightly grabbed your face once again, tears brimming around your eyes. Trying to shake your head he just continued. “You disgust me- what would your dad think huh? To know his previous daughter was a fucking dyke

Logan jerked your head up forcing you to look at him before he hatefully kissed you.

It felt like forever, until you were suddenly dragged out the cabin. Looking up you saw clarisse having a tight hold on you.

It came back to you slowly, clarisse kicking open the door, shoving Logan into his bunk making him hit his head and now here where she started to take you across the camp

Her firm hold on your hand made you blush. It hurt how much you liked her and how much you knew you shouldn’t.

You watched as she yelled for everyone out of the ares cabin, letting out a string of offensives if anyone had something to say. Once they were gone it was quiet.

Clarisse led you to her bed setting you down gently before taking your face in her hands while examining the condition of you. “How Long” she mumbled.

“2 months after we got together” you quietly replied looking down. Clarisse pulled you into a hug, keeping a loving hold around you.

“I’m going to kill him” she tightened her grasp slightly, pulling away you shook your head “no, please I don’t want anyone knowing”

“Knowing how he treated you like shit”

“Knowing that I’m a fucking hypocrite clarisse!”You yelled, Clarisse kept quiet as this was the first time she’s heard you cuss. “Don’t you get it! How am I supposed to act if people find out that my entire relationship was toxic when im the one person most all people go to for love advice huh?! I’m a daughter of Aphrodite I’m supposed to be the person people admire! Imagine how embarrassing it’ll be to have people know I let my boyfriend hit me! And how the hell am I supposed to face anyone even my own father if they know im..” You choked on your tears leaning Into clarisse crying. She held you close not wanting to let go.

At this point you didn’t want to be anywhere else but in clarisses arms, where you didn’t feel forced or threatened you just simply felt loved.

——

You silently laid beside clarisse, just looking quietly into each-others eyes. Calmed down from your breakdown, You watched as she reached out fixing a piece of hair from your face. “..can I ask a question” she whispered. You nodded leaning some into her touch. “Are you.. are you gay”

After sone silence you nodded once again. “Yeah.. im not sure what I would be but.. I know for a fact I don’t like men” you admitted, a sense of anxiety washed over you. Clarisse continued to hold your face with an unreadable expression. “So a lesbian?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I guess so, I don’t really know much about queer identities anyways..”

“If You don’t like men Why did you bother to date Logan?” Her tone was sweet but confused. You couldn’t help but smile at the well known angry girl was now holding you with such care it made you feel butterflys. “I’m ashamed to be like this.. I’m not supposed to be a lesbian but I… am”

Before you noticed it, clarisse had leaned in kissing you. It was a quick kiss with her pulling away after a second. She muttered an apology while trying to leave, you however grabbed her before you could think bringing clarisse into another kiss, however this time it was longer and loving.

Sitting on your knees with your he daughter of ares fit in an awkward position you still continued to kiss her. Everything from before left your mind, how disgusting it felt up even kiss your boyfriend or now ex boyfriend, all you could think was how much you loved this girl.

Pulling away you kept your face close to clafisse. “I don’t understand.. I thought you hated me”

“Hated you.. really?!” She pushed back fixing her pose to be more comfortable. “I’ve been flirting with you this entire time”

“You Call shoving me around and calling me names flirting?”

“Yeah I—.. Look i don’t know shit about flirting but i thought it clear i liked you”

“No clafisse not at all” You laughed before moving to sit on the girls lap to kiss her. “Whatever it still worked Didnt it! Your here in my bed kissing me”

You lightly hit her with a smile. “I hate you”

“No you don’t” she laughed back kissing your cheek before looking at you, almost like she was trying to prove how much she loved you through just her eyes alone.

———

The following morning you had learned that Logan was currently in the infirmary with a long list of injuries you couldn’t even Name and your new girlfriend clarisse who was now being punished by Chiron. Aswell as the Ares cabin having a new found protective stance on the Aphrodite cabin

——

#lesbian #wlw #clarisse la rue #clarisse pjo #clarisse x reader #percy jackson fanfiction #clarisse x female reader #butch clarisse #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse x you #clarisse larue #percy jackson show #pjo fandom #pjo show #percy jackson

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cybrs4pphic · 5 months

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camgirl pt 2!!

camgirl!reader x abby

afab/fem!reader, squirting (:p), full nelson (:0), abby yearns to be inside you, fuckin on the first date, reader has no idea abby knows abt her sex work, kinda awkward first-time sexual tension lol, abby has a fat dick (:D), this is so long???????

18+ mdni (goodbye minors)

it’s the next day and abby is still trying to work up the courage to text you. she doesn’t want to sound boring, but she also doesn’t wanna overdo it. she’s laying in bed, your number typed into the chat, her fingers hovering over the keys.

‘hey, you gave me your number at the coffee shop yesterday and i thought you were really pretty so… i’m abby,’

her thumb was now just hovering over the blue arrow to send the message before hitting it, eventually sending the message. abby immediately shuts her phone off tossing it on the bed trying to find something to distract herself with while she waits.

abby decides to just turn on some show she’s seen a million times. a few hours later you text her back with a ‘hiii abby!! thank u!! sorry, was at work :( i’d love to do somethin w you sometime soon if ur down :p,’

she’s almost, almost, embarrassed at how fast she replies. ‘you’re okay, how was work today? and i’d love to. what did you have in mind?,’

‘well, if u wanted to hangout today, i wouldnt mind just gettin to know you like at mine or somethin, i’ll cook u dinner too whatcha want :3,’

abby’s gonna blow up. ‘i’m not picky, surprise me. and that sounds great, how does 7 sound then?’

‘perfect, i’ll see you soon!’ you send her your address in a separate message with a little heart. abby could actually pass away right now.

2 hours later it’s 7:05 and abby’s standing outside your door, not wearing anything too special— just jeans and a shirt taking a deep breath before knocking. a few second later she hears the door unlocking and opening.

she sees you, looking cute as ever. she then hears the sweetness of your voice inviting her in, abby mustering up a smile through the nerves.

“okay, so, i‘m makin’ chicken alfredo if that works for you?”

“s’perfect,” abby slurs out, practically soaking her underwear watching you cook, mainly your ass in those stupid leggings. is she wearing underwear? floods abby’s thoughts.

“almost done. if you wanna go sit down i’ll get everything ready,” you turn around giving abby a quick smile before returning to your cooking.

abby’s in heaven right now. you sitting across from her, just getting to know each other. finding out you both actually have so much in common makes her feel ecstatic. you guys are having such a good time talking you both nearly forget about the food.

“you’re a great cook,” abby says as you, blushing, take her plate from her placing it in the sink after rinsing it off.

“thank you! tried really hard on this one actually,” you say, giggling. yeah, abby’s obsessed. she needs to be inside you, making you a mess on her cock-

“wanna watch a movie ‘er somethin’?” you interrupt her thoughts.

“what kinda movie?”

“was thinkin’ something scary, if you’re down?”

“works for me,” abby replies, moving to sit next to you on the couch as you scroll through the vast amount of horror movies on whatever streaming app you picked.

“oh! how ‘bout the new texas chainsaw?” you don’t even give abby a chance to reply before you hit play— not like she really cares what you guys watch anyway.

abby has her arm around the back of the couch manspread while you have your knees tucked under you half sitting on your butt half on your heels next to her. within the first five minutes of the movie, she has her arm draped over your side mindlessly drawing patterns into your hips and thighs while you lay on her chest.

you guys get about halfway through the movie before abby breathes out, “hey.”

“yeah?” you reply, picking your head up to meet her eyes.

abby glances at your lips, before asking, “can i kiss you?” to which you just nod a bunch.

abby leans in meeting you halfway to finally kiss you. not long after, she’s grabbing your hips pulling you onto her lap so you’re straddling her, deepening the kiss.

you pull away first, gasping for air. abby’s also gasping for air, but she could kiss you til she passes out, honestly.

“tell me if you want to stop at any point, okay?” abby breathes out as she toys with the hem of your shirt. you nod as a reply.

“words,” abby says bluntly.

“yes,” you breathe out, still catching your breath. abby wastes no time pulling you out of your shirt and bra before taking her own off.

“god, fuck, c’mere,” she’s pushing your hips up so that your tits are eye level with her before she immediately latches onto your tit. one hand is groping your ass while her other hand is toying with your other nipple. jesus, her hands are so fucking cold you’re practically shaking under her touch.

your hands run down her chest, stopping to play with her tits before sliding down to the button on her jeans.

“take ‘em off,” you whine out. abby happily obliges, gently grabbing u by the hips before laying you down on the couch. she gets up undoing her pants sliding them off. she’s immediately on top of you, thumbs under the waistband of your leggings breathing out a “can i?”

“please,” your voice barely above a whisper, but abby’s already peeling your leggings off realizing you, in fact, were not wearing underwear.

“s’like you wanted to get fucked tonight,” abby lets out a small laugh.

“by you,” you shoot back as you spread your legs in front of her making abby blush as she leans forward to kiss your inner thighs, seeing your glistening cunt clenching around nothing. she starts sucking like she’s about to leave a hickey, making your legs shake from the sensitivity.

“abby, please,” you breathe out.

“please what?

“fuck me, abby, please need to feel you,” you whine out reaching out to wrap your fingers in her hair.

“don’t have a strap, ba-”

“i do,” you cut her off. “come with me,” you pull her up by her hair giving her a quick kiss before getting up, taking abby’s hand, and practically skipping to your bedroom. once you open the door abby immediately recognizes it. your bed in the center of the room against the back wall, a desk across from the bed, probably where you set up your camera. what’s new to her is all the decorations that she didn’t usually see when you were live.

“cute room,” abby states as you’re digging through your closet for a dildo.

“thanks! what kinda cock you want?” you ask her it so casually abby nearly.

“how many do you have?” abby questions you back.

“a bunch,” you giggle.

“what, are you some kind of pornstar?” abby smirks and you can practically hear the smirk in the way she asks the question. you have the dildo in your hand, but you freeze at her question. you know it’s a joke, a rhetorical question, so you just laugh it off bringing her the dick.

“you seem like a fat cock kinda girl,” you smile handing abby the harness and dildo.

“and you seem like you love taking fat cock,” abby fires back sliding the harness up her legs, securing it. “now where were we?” abby says, sliding her hands up your stomach to your breasts watching them spill out from her fingers. you lean up to catch her lips in another kiss, quickly deepening it by tilting your head to the side and allowing abby’s tongue access to your mouth. she’s grabbing your hips and placing you on your bed before attacking your neck and chest with kisses.

“fuck, these tits are perfect,” abby says as she slides two fingers down your cunt, teasing your entrance. “you can take two fingers, right, baby? gotta get you ready for my cock,” you practically moan at her words and she’s barely touching you. is she even real?

“yes, yes! please just touch me, abby,” abby responds by sliding her middle and ring finger into you searching for that soft spot. she’s fucking her fingers back into you,, eventually finding your g-spot, hitting it with the tips of her fingers making you let out a mix between a gasp and a moan.

“found it,” she smirks to herself. she really can’t believe she’s actually touching you right now; this is like a dream come true for her. countless nights of her watching you touch yourself and her finally being the one to make you shake and moan under her touch. she has to fuck you.

“do you have lube?” she asks to which you nod telling her where it is. abby gets up squirting some lube onto the cock you gave her, taking her hand making sure it’s covered.

“are you ready?” she asks looking up at you, her hand still on her cock, stroking it like it’s attached to her. you give her a few eager nods followed by a ‘yes’. abby walks over to you, pushing you on your back before asking if you’re ready again like she’s scared she’s gonna hurt you

“please fuck me, abby,” you get right to the point and abby nods before pushing the dildo into your weeping cunt with her hips. the way you’re gasping and whining just from her putting it in makes abby want to absolutely ruin you. abby needs to fuck you so well every time you touch yourself on camera all you can think of is her.

abby begins rocking her hips back and forth at a pretty slow pace, nearly pulling out completely before pushing herself right back in, where she belongs, you letting out little whimpers every time she pushes back in.

“faster, please, abby,” you whine out as she’s pulling out.

“gladly,” abby takes your legs, throwing them over her shoulders before leaning forward to properly fuck you. abby’s fucking you faster like you requested but it’s still not deep enough for your liking.

“abby abby deeper, please please,” you plead for her.

“can i try somethin’?” abby questions to and you, obviously, tell her yes. before you know it abby’s completely pulled out of you, whining at the empty feeling, before she’s leaning her upper back on the bed frame, patting her lap for you to straddle her.

“face away from me, baby,” abby says.

“what’re you plannin’?” you giggle out, smiling at her.

“‘ts a surprise,” she smiles back before patting her lap again to which you throw a leg over her lap (abby definitely slapped your ass) before settling right in front of the dildo.

“now what?” abby put her feet up on the bed and threads her arms underneath your thighs beginning to pull them up towards your chest.

“relax f’me,” she says quietly from behind you causing you to relax into her hold, your back to her chest. once you’re fully in abby’s grasp, you take her cock sliding it back into you.

“you good?” abby questions to which you nod and abby’s hands snake around the back of your neck, forcing you to watch you take her cock.

before you can comprehend it, abby’s fucking you like you’ve never been fucked before. you can feel how tight it is, how deep she is, all of it— you practically feel her in your throat and all you can do is take it and watch.

abby’s grunts mixed with your whines and moans is making abby soak through her fucking underwear

“fuckfuckfuck abby, y’re too deep! please please,”

“you can take it— know you can,” abby replies not letting up on her assault on your cunt. you’re a fucking mess of moans and tears and drool and you can barely handle it when abby’s hand snakes to your clit rubbing it in fast tight circles with her two fingers.

you’re practically fucking sobbing with how she’s stimulating your clit and constantly fucking up into your g-spot. your eyes closes shut as you’re so close to coming.

“eyes open, breathe,”

“can’t— i can’t s’too much, ‘m gonna come,” you’re shocked you can even get out even that much.

“‘m not stoppin’ you,” abby says, not letting up in the slightest. you do your best to keep your breaths steady, but the way your orgasm is building up, it feels different.

“abby… abby abby,” you chant her name, whether it’s a warning or a plea, she doesn’t care. all abby cares about right now is the way her hands and thighs are being soaked right now. your mouth is hanging open in a silent scream just watching the way you gush all over abby’s cock.

“did you just fuckin’ squirt,” abby’s giddy right now.

“are you even human?” you breathe out to which abby just lets out a laugh, releasing you from her grasp causing you to practically collapse on top of her.

“so the answer’s yes,” abby smirks, brushing her fingers gently along the back of your neck, where she knows she definitely put too much pressure on while fucking you.

you feel her slide out of you as you roll onto your stomach eyeing her up and down. you freeze as you hear her say

“i know you’re a camgirl,”

“what?”

pt 3 maybe :3 this is the longest thing ive ever written

#the last of us 2 #tlou 2 #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson smut #holy god

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idleglowingpixels · 6 months

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(Disclaimer: this post contains spoilers for the FNAF movie, and isn't being made to invalidate anyone's opinions on the material. You can like/love the movie, and/or dislike/hate the movie! Also this started as a post talking about how people say it's inaccurate to the games but it actually isn't, then eventually turned into my review of it lol.)

What I keep hearing around the internet: "This is nothing like the games, it's supposed to be an R-rated gorefest! We should've seen all five kids get brutally slaughtered and stuffed into the animatronics, not whatever that stupid intro sequence was. The games showed it so why couldn't the movie do the same?" "Why are the animatronics friendly with Abby? That's not how it is in the games, the animatronics kill anyone regardless of age." "It's hardly even scary, the games were much more terrifying than this." "Why is the movie so focused on the story? It's supposed to be about bloody murder and revenge." "This isn't a horror/comedy series, what the hell."

What FNAF games are like: -Mild to barely any gore; the most gruesome of content visually is shown via pixel minigames (Mainly FNAF 2, 3 & 4, & SL) or minor gore like the eyes popping out of the Freddy head in FNAF1's game over screen, as to not be too violent for its rating, E-12 -Animatronics are corrupted by the spirits of dead children (Missing Children's Incident (MCI) newspapers from FNAF 1), exacting vengeance on adults because of their killer, but being friendly toward other children --"Uh, by now I’m sure you’ve noticed the older models, sitting in the back room. Uh, those are from the previous location, we just use them for parts now. The idea at first was to repair them. Uh, they even started retrofitting them with some of the newer technology." (FNAF2 - NIGHT 2) --"Someone may have tampered with their facial recognition systems, we’re not sure. But the characters have been acting very unusual, almost aggressive towards the staff. They interact with the kids just fine, but when they encounter an adult, they just…stare." (FNAF2 - NIGHT 4) --I'm using the calls from FNAF 2 in reference here because it is a prequel to FNAF 1, and as far as I can tell, it was confirmed the withered animatronics from 2 are modified to become the ones in 1 ("But they were just so ugly, you know? And the smell…ugh." (FNAF 2 -- NIGHT 2) "If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too." (FNAF 1 -- NIGHT 1)) -The games are relatively scary in the aspect of environmental horror; dim lighting, sounds that have no origin and/or are meant to trip you up & make you uneasy, characters suddenly appearing in the doorways/entrances to your office; they are also heavily jumpscare-reliant, you either win or get jumped by one of the animatronics -The storytelling format through the games evolved over time (mainly focusing on Scott era games (FNAF1-UCN)) with more voice actors and whatnot, but the early trilogy solely relied on phone calls which were written to be morbidly awkward and funny despite the circumstances --In later games, the plot develops as Michael Afton (our (debatable) main protagonist across the franchise) goes after the restaurants & the killer, his father William in an attempt to set the children's spirits free

What the FNAF movie is like: -Mild to barely any gore, most we see is through pixel animation (the kids being lured away through the intro sequence) OR minor gore in dark lighting/silhouettes as to not be too violent for its rating, PG-13 -Animatronics are corrupted by the spirits of dead children, exacting vengeance on adults because of their killer (who in this case is manipulating their perception of memories to be their friend and ally), but being friendly toward other children --The only exception to this is when they are corrupted by William Afton's influence, in the case of them attempting to put Abby in a springlock suit (that looks like the Ella dolls from the books but I think is intended to be this universe's Circus Baby because of Abby's anagram name for Baby) -The movie is relatively scary in the aspect of environmental horror; dim lighting, sounds that have no origin and/or are meant to trip you up & make you uneasy, characters suddenly appearing in the doorways/entrances to the office; they are also heavily jumpscare-reliant (Foxy's runs down the hallway, the infamous Balloon Boy jumpscares, any instances of the animatronics throughout the film suddenly moving to kill or attack characters (Bonnie in the closet killing Hank, Freddy's spirit pulling Max in for the kill, Chica sending Karl through the vent after the older brother of Max & at Mike later in the movie), the Fritz/Foxy kid jumpscare during the dream sequence, Abby being suddenly pulled up from the ballpit to then cut back to Mike hearing her scream, I could go on but I think I made the point) -The storytelling in the film, while not spectacular by any means, is synonymous to the writing in the games, where there's this awkwardness and humor to a lot of the story because of just how nonsensical it all is (which YES, admittedly kills the environmental horror atmosphere in parts of the story, even I can admit to that) -While Mike, Abby and Garret aren't related to William in the film, they are clearly parallels to Michael, Circus Baby/Elizabeth and Crying Child in the games --I would like to point out that Vanessa takes on the role of being William's daughter who wants to make him happy, which is more-so what Elizabeth is as a character, except she isn't partaking in the bloodshed, but she is pretty much a bystander to it all --I mention Circus Baby in relation to Abby more than Elizabeth because Abby has more of a sarcastic wit and just generally feels closer in personality to Baby's in SL

(Okay now here's my stance on the movie, please read this before reblogging or commenting, it's important for context)

I feel like a lotta people (mainly the ones currently in their late teens & overall 20s-plus) forget a majority of the fanbase were in the target demographic nearly a decade ago when the games started (which was scary to many including myself back then), and now act like it's obligated to "grow up" to more mature content with its initial user base who are now grown adults. But there's still a LOT of young kids who are into the franchise now (again, the intended target demographic is young teens), and it wouldn't make sense if the scary-to-kids-but-not-really-to-adults jumpscare video game suddenly became some SAW-esque R-rated gruesome slasher film when that is never what the franchise was meant to be, nor did it ACT like that's what it was. If you want that, Wally's Wonderland is right there.

There's so much fan entitlement going on regarding the movie right now, it's deranged. You can dislike or hate the movie all you want, I have criticism for it too. I do feel like the tone shifted back and forth a lot, but not in the way where it would make sense for the storytelling. It could've been a lot better written in general, and the exposition dumps Vanessa has throughout could've easily been replaced with a newspaper about the MCI up on the wall while Mike's first walking through the pizzeria, him reacting to the smell from the rotting corpses in the bots, have one of Phone Guy's original recordings play or have the woman from the training video treat the video format in a similar vein.

The way I see it, I had low expectations going into the film and just expected general stuff from the initial game or two in an adjacent, but not exact, adaptation. I've been doing this low-expectation thing since Detective Pikachu, but always try to be optimistic. And the FNAF movie was pretty much exactly what I figured it would be, based on how its story is described through the Phone Guy calls and the post-Sister Location approach of dry/morbid humor mixed in with actual movement, beyond the sit-&-survive office we got used to in the first handful of titles. I really only expected that the animatronics were gonna be friendly with Abby based on FNAF 2's calls, and it was a solid prediction.

Was it a scary movie? No, not really. The jumps got me plenty, especially Max's death cause holy shit I wasn't expecting someone to get chomped in half (and also Balloon Boy, fuck you you little bastard), but the story wasn't scary. It was honestly a tragedy of events going on across all the characters, just really sad but more of a horror-mystery I suppose.

And again, you are allowed to have an opinion and not be satisfied with what was provided in the film. I think there's a lot of room for improvement, and I think it was LS Mark who pointed out in his video that this was Scott and his cowriters' first screenplay, so I agree that they should've had a couple other writers who mainly write films to help form it into a better story for a movie. But it was a serviceable adaptation, and was accurate to the level of extremes being depicted in the games (and no, not all of it works for film, but that's okay to be satisfied or dissatisfied with). And it is fucking exhausting seeing people act like FNAF was always some super horrifying mature adult thing when that's just what the fanmade horror content like FNAF VHS is (Don't support FNAF VHS tho, its creator's a creep who sent NSFW shit to an underage kid knowingly for several years :/ Nasty af).

I think its positives & negatives are generally the same as the Pokemon, Sonic & Mario adaptations as of recent, where you're having to form an entire 90-120 minute movie based off of a few voice lines or body language of the non-speaking characters, and a generally simple plotline. So it typically leads to serviceable movies, but nothing groundbreaking or a masterpiece by ANY means of the term (basically like 50-70% out of 100%, average but not above that from a writing standpoint; I personally have it at 8/10 because it definitely satisfied what I thought it was gonna be, though it's based on personal enjoyment and not its writing/storytelling).

I haven't read the FNAF books and honestly have no interest in doing so, so they don't really matter to me, but I know for a fact this is mostly based on FNAF1 (Ik William going by an alias was a Silver Eyes thing but again, haven't read it so that's the only similarity to the books that I know of). And for what it is, it did its job.

Recent video game film adaptations are very good at making fans happy with references, the similar storylines, and mostly game-accurate depictions of its characters. I think the biggest problem with them is that they stick so close to the games' stories, which are simplified for the sake of the gameplay loop, that the writers for these films are almost afraid to take risks and change a few things up in the way it's told in order to properly adapt & expand the story into a film format. Personally I think Sonic did it best so far based on its source material (though not by a lot), but I liked this movie about the same as Mario's.

It hit all the beats I figured it would hit based on the trailers, and I do feel bad for the people who didn't enjoy it the same way I did, even if their expectations were low or similar to my own. But Scott said in a recent post that he's been listening to people's criticism for the movie, and he generally takes good-faith criticism to heart for better products in future content as far as I've seen it over the years. So hopefully for the near-inevitable sequel, we'll get to see the wrinkles in the first movie's adaptation ironed out in the next film.

#linposts #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #movie review #but also a rant #why yes I did spend two hours writing this in the middle of the night #keep discussion under this post in good faith or I'm disabling comments & reblogs but I REALLY don't want to do that if I don't have to #So please just be respectful to me & others' opinions in comments/reblogs/quotations of my post that's all I ask thank you

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abbyslev · 1 year

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⛧𝑨𝑩𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑴𝑬⛧

Introduction!: Hi! I’m abbyslev, june, or juney! I’m nineteen! I am lesbian and a taurus! I love to write whenever inspiration or motivation hits.

Favorites!: I love books, gaming, piercings, animals, (dogs, cats, lemon sharks and horses.) cosmetology, (mainly make-up and nails!) collecting stuff, music, socks, monster, coffee, and mugs!

Obsessions!: I absolutely love tlou. I’ve played both games a million times. I am a huge Abby defender and Ellie fanatic. I am a zombie apocalypse fanatic, i have a million theories. I’d love to hear about yours!

Collections!: I have a pretty decent TLOU collection. (Ellie’s knife, art books, comic, funkos, abby and ellie statues, tlou charm bracelet, cups, shirts, etc!) I have a huge Billie Eilish collection. My AOT collection is growing, mainly posters. I have the csm manga, JJK statues and a hange nenodriod!

Music!: I am a big music fan, i listen to anything from country to heavy metal, literally EVERYTHING! I dont judge, feel free to send me music recs!

Career!: I want to be a makeup artist! I’m self taught in makeup and nails. Talk to me about cosmetology!

Talk to me!!: I love talking to you all! please don’t be afraid to reach out (anon or message me!! i dont mind) thank you angels for reading and supporting, i love you all so much and i cannot thank y’all enough for this overwhelming amount of support.

ALTS: i am always down to talk on discord if that makes it easier for anyone!!<3 dm me for my user<33

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favefandomimagines · 3 years

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I Bought A Ring (e.b.)

Summary: Abby’s back and Buck doesn’t know how to handle the news. And neither do you.

AN: i’m still PISSED that abby came back even if only for an episode, my poor buck was so hurt ): this was something i had deep in my drafts and now that buck is blowing up it seemed like a good time to post it!

there is a buck fic similar to this and i just wanna say that i did not copy or steal the idea. i’ve had this in my drafts for months since season 3 ended so no one stole anyone’s idea! if you wanna check out their fic their username is @lotsoflovefromlea and the fic is titled ‘Second Best’ it’s really really good

You didn’t think you’d have to face the day when Buck’s past came back to haunt him. You were hoping it would stay in the past and you would be his future. But life has a funny way of putting us to the test.

After the train crash, and Buck saw Abby again, he had been acting distant. Distant enough for you to notice that something was wrong. It wasn’t hard to notice, especially when the two of you live together.

He would rarely talk when you had the same shift at the 118, there was no conversation during dinner and he’d come to bed long after you had already fallen asleep.

It had gotten to the point where you didn’t even remember the last time he kissed you or touched you. And you had enough of the maltreatment.

You exited the shower and saw him standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. You walked down the stairs and stood across from him, the tension between the two of you painfully obvious.

“What’s been going on with you?” You asked, breaking the ice. “What do you mean?” He asked, not meeting your gaze. “Seriously? Buck, you’ve been acting like I killed your dog for three weeks since the train crash. What the hell is going on?” You explained.

Buck sighed before looking up at you. He knew he couldn’t keep secrets from you. Including ones that could possibly change your relationship.

“Abby reached out to me. She wanted to meet up to talk.” He said. Buck could tell by the way your right eyebrow was raised and your eyes narrowed that you were not happy. “Really? And you went?” You asked. “Yeah.” Buck answered quietly.

You laughed bitterly before walking around the counter back towards the stairs. “God, you just can’t seem to let her go, can you?” You started. “It’s been, what? Two years? Two years since she left you for her ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ experience and got engaged? And who was the one who never left your side? Me. It was me, Evan and even now, you can’t seem to realize how terrible she was to you. Face it, you were her midlife crisis and you fell in love with her and never fell back out. All while making me fall in love with you.” You finished.

Sure you were a tad bit cruel, but it was what he needed to hear. No one wanting to be the one who had to pop his perfect bubble when it came to Abby.

“I stayed with you when you were suing the department for christ sake! And I can’t do it anymore, Evan.” You added. There it was again. His dreaded first name. The name you never used unless you were beyond angry with him. And he hated hearing it come from your lips. “Y/N, what do you mean?” He asked.

Fear was coursing through his body as he waited for you to finally leave him. After everything he put you through, Abby was the last straw.

“I mean, maybe we should take a break. Until you figure out what it is you really want.” You answered. It wasn’t something you wanted nor did you think it would ever happen. “No. No, no, Y/N, don’t do this.” He begged, walking towards you. “I have too. Since she came back, this relationship has been one sided and I don’t deserve that.” You said.

“Please, Y/N, I love you.” Buck told you. “Do you? Because you have a funny way of showing it.” You replied. You swiftly grabbed your keys and your purse and made a path towards the exit. “So this is it? You’re breaking up with me?” Buck asked, causing you to stop.

“I don’t want to. But you seem to have unresolved feelings for Abby and you can’t claim to love one person wholeheartedly when you clearly don’t. Figure it out, Buck. But remember who was here when no one else was.” You answered before leaving the house.

You didn’t know where else to go after you left. So you decided to go to Bobby and Athena’s. Bobby was like a father to you when you joined the 118 and you trusted him more than you trusted most people.

After trying to straighten yourself up and wipe the tears from your face, you got out of the car and headed to the front door. You knocked a couple of times and waited for the door to open.

When it did, Athena’s face softened when she saw you and instantly knew something was wrong. “Y/N? What’s wrong? What happened?” She asked, ushering you inside. “I didn’t know where else to go.” You answered.

Bobby, wondering who was at the door, turned the corner and saw you standing in the entryway. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked. “Buck and I got into a fight. He went to meet up with Abby and he didn’t tell meand I just, I just don’t understand why he won’t let her go. Am I not enough?” You explained.

Athena shushed you and pulled you into a hug to comfort you. She knew Buck was stubborn but not so much that you felt you had to leave. Bobby was furious. He hated seeing you so upset and he was frustrated with the young man for making you think you weren’t enough for him.

After a few minutes, Athena made up the guest bedroom for you and said you could stay as long as you needed. But you hoped it wouldn’t have to be for long.

Bobby arrived at the station in search for Buck and found him sulking while Hen and Chimney were grilling him about his mood. “What’s wrong with you today?” Chimney asked. “Him and Y/N got in a fight last night and she walked out on him.” Bobby answered for him.

Buck looked up at his captain with wide eyes, wondering how he knew about the prior events. “She stayed at mine and Athena’s last night.” He added. Buck let out a sigh of relief, mainly because he was worried sick about you. You didn’t answer a single one of his calls or texts and he didn’t know where you went off to.

“Why did she walk out on you?” Hen asked. “Because I may have went to meet up with Abby the other day. And apparently I had been acting distant towards Y/N and she confronted me.” Buck explained. “Seriously? You still have feelings for Abby?” Hen asked. “No, Hen-” Buck tried to explain but was interrupted by his coworkers.

“Y/N is the perfect girl for you and you’re throwing her away for someone who left you?” She continued. “Hen,” Buck started. “You’re stupid but not this stupid.” She said. “Hen! I don’t have feelings for Abby anymore. I wanted to give her a chance to explain why she left and to thank her. Because if she wouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t have met Y/N.” Buck interrupted.

“And I,” He started before he stopped himself, not sure if he wanted to tell everyone his secret. “You what?” Eddie asked. Buck looked up at his friends before sighing. “I bought a ring.” He answered. “Wait, what?” Chimney asked. “I bought a ring. I was going to propose but then I got all in my head after Abby showed up. I thought Y/N would say no and she’d leave me just like Abby did.” Buck explained.

The rest of the 118 crew was silent as they looked down at Buck. Hen sat down across from him before speaking. “That girl is head over heels in love with you, Buck. She has been since the first time she met you and the last thing she would do is leave you like Abby did. Though, because of Abby, she felt she had no choice.” She said.

“I need to get her back. I didn’t even know what to do this morning without her.” Buck said. “When does she come in for her shift?” He asked Bobby. “She was supposed to be here by now. She left before me.” The man answered.

Before anyone could form a theory about your whereabouts, the bell went off signaling they had a call.

They soon arrived to the scene of a car accident, one car completely flipped upside down.

The 118 stopped short, however, when they noticed who’s car was upside down. It was yours that was hit by a guy texting and driving and ran a red light.

“Y/N?” Buck called, running to the driver side door. “Buck, you’re too close to this.” Bobby stopped him. “We’re all too close to this, Bobby.” Buck rebutted. Bobby looked at Athena and gestured for her to keep Buck away from the scene. “Keep him away from her.” He instructed his. wife.

Eddie began trying to get the door off and Hen and Chimney noticed you were still conscious, struggling to get out and stay awake.

“Y/N, can you hear me?” Hen asked. “Yeah. I-I can hear you.” You stammered. “I have a piece of shrapnel between the third and fourth intercostal space. Mild to severe concussion and around three broken ribs, and a possible pulmonary contusion.” You told them.

Both EMTs were surprised that you could still diagnose and recognize your symptoms while having a concussion and actively bleeding.

Once the door was off the car, Hen and Chimney set down the backboard and Eddie began cutting your seatbelt.

“Where’s Buck?” You asked him. “Bobby won’t let him help. He’s too close to this one.” Eddie answered. “Aren’t you all though?” You joked. Eddie laughed dryly as the seatbelt was cut free. “Can you move?” He asked.

You looked down at the piece of metal from the seat and back up at him. “You have to pull it out.” You told him. “Y/N,” Eddie started. “Eddie, you have to pull it out or I won’t be able to move. I have a concussion, I’m already bleeding and in about five minutes I’m going to pass out. I will slowly bleed out from the inside if I don’t move. Pull the damn thing out.” You snapped.

Eddie looked at you for a moment before glancing over at Buck, arguing with Athena. As Eddie pulled the piece of metal out of your side, Buck broke free of Athena’s grasp and fell to his friend’s side.

“Y/N, baby, are you okay?” He asked frantically. “I’m going to pass out in a couple of seconds so I’m sorry, Buck. For what happened last night.” You spoke, your breathing becoming shallower. “Buck we gotta move her.” Eddie told him.

Your eyes fell closed slowly and the heart rate monitor attached to you started beeping rapidly. “We gotta get her out now.” Hen instructed. Bobby pulled Buck back as he watched in horror while his friends began giving you CPR once they pulled you from the car.

Your heart beat thankfully went back to normal and Chimney and Hen loaded you into the back of the ambulance.

Buck took the liberty of joining you considering he was your emergency contact, having no other family in LA.

Once the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Buck, Chimney and Hen were forced to stay at the ER bay, not being allowed to go with you.

Buck watched as the doctors took you away and this quickly became his worst nightmare. What if you didn’t make it? What if the last conversation you had was a fight?

Bobby’s hand rested on Buck’s shoulder as they all watched you disappear down the hallway.

It had been hours. Hours of the 118 sitting in the waiting room for you to come out of surgery. Buck was a nervous wreck and no amount of consoling from Maddie or Eddie made it any better. He knew she should have told you about meeting with Abby but he was afraid of ruining everything. But not telling you made it ten times worse.

“Evan Buckley?” A doctor called, alerting the entire crew. “Th-That’s me. I’m Evan Buckley.” Buck replied. “Y/N is going to be okay. We repaired the damage to her lung as well as the other internal damage she received from the car crash. She still had a major concussion and she’ll be out of commission for a while, but she got incredibly lucky.” The doctor explained.

Buck let out a very visible sigh of relief, as did everyone else. “Can I see her?” Buck asked. “She’s in the ICU so only a couple of people at a time.” The doctor said. “You go, Buck. We’ll see her when she’s moved to a normal room.” Bobby told him.

He nodded his head and followed the doctor to your room. He saw you lying in the hospital bed, multiple IVs in your hands and arms and an oxygen tube in your nose.

Your eyes were still closed but he could tell you were awake, though hearing the doctor’s voice alerted you.

“Y/N, someone’s here to see you.” You turned your head slightly and saw Buck standing in the doorway. “Hi.” You said quietly, your voice still hoarse from the breathing tube in surgery.

Buck sat in the chair next to you, his eyes red and watering. “I am so sorry, Y/N,” He whispered. “I should have told you about Abby but I met with her to get closure. And to thank her because if she wouldn’t have left me, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.” He added.

“It’s okay. I should have let you explained.” You replied. “I have something else to tell you.” Buck said. “Oh no, now what?” You joked. “I bought a ring.” He said. “Like, a ring ring?” You questioned. “Yes, a ring ring.” Buck laughed. “Where is it?” You asked.

Buck let go of your hand for a moment and fished the piece of jewelry out of his pocket.

“You have to put it on for me.” You said. Buck looked at you in disbelief as he smiled, sliding the ring on your left finger. “I’m assuming that’s a yes.” He said. “Of course it is. I’d be stupid to say no to you.” You told him with a smile.

Buck squeezed your hand gently as he looked at the ring on your finger. “I never want to come that close to losing you ever again.” He muttered. “You won’t. I don’t plan on leaving you for a long time.” You said. “Good. Because I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” Buck said.

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on your forehead as you looked down at the ring. “You did a good job.” You commented. Buck laughed at your comment, causing a smile to grace your face. “Hen and Maddie helped.” He said. “I figured as much.” You replied.

The rest of the evening, or whatever time of day you thought it was, Buck stayed by your side. Even when the doctors were running their tests and looking over your condition. After almost losing you, there was no way you were going to get rid of Buck even for a moment.

#imagine #imagines #911 imagine #911 fox #911 lone star #evan buckley #evan buckley imagine #evan buckley x reader #evan buckley oneshot #oliver stark

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avgeriss · 4 years

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Everything I hate about tlou2 :)

SPOILERS! (I’ve tagged the post but just in case the tag doesn’t work)

I wasted 20 hours on this bullshit, so now it’s time for me to talk about everything I hate about it. This is going to be a very long and very messy post.

Not in chronological order, or in order of how much I hate the particular moment/thing.

Also, I think I should just state, these are all my personal opinions, please don’t attack me over them

1. the transphobia (I don’t care about the plot, I’m so fucking mad that Lev was deadnamed so. Many. Times)

2. the homophobia (I can’t believe this piece of shit actually called Ellie and Dina the d slur...)

3. the racist writing

4. the sexist writing

5. the fact that ALL the trailers where fucking lies

6. and they were lies because ND knew everyone was going to hate it, but they needed people to think it was good so the fans would buy it

7. the fact that they knew people would be upset with part two but went with in anyways

8. Ellie being forced to listen to Seth apologies for being a homophobic piece of shit

9. Joel dying

10. Jesse dying

11. (the /way/ Joel and Jesse died)

12. Tommy becoming a selfish fucking asshole at the end

13. Tommy and Mariah breaking up

14. the fact that Ellie and Dina didn’t even stay together? They fucking broke up at the end, what the fuck (can that be considered queerbaiting?)

15. ND trying to make us sympathies with Abby after she violently tortures and kills Joel

16. And they try to make us sympathies with her by making her grow attached to a child, just like Joel did with Ellie. It just makes her a fucking hypocrite

17. That fact that ND even thought they could get us to sympathize with Joel’s killer after we grew attached to Joel through the first game

18. That fucking sex scene oh my goodness (which includes a man cheating on his pregnant gf, yikes)

19. Joel dying AT THE BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING GAME

20. How most of the fucking game we end up playing as Abby

21. The fact that Joel and Ellie don’t even fully make up before Joel was killed IN FRONT OF ELLIE

22. That fact that the actual scene of Ellie finding out Joel lied to her was so short

23. Mariah being a bitch. They made Mariah a fucking bitch in the second game. Even more so then she was in the first game (I understand her concerns in the first game, and at the beginning of the second game, but holy shit dude)

24. We never found out what happened to Cat. She seems to be so important, but we only know about her from Ellies diary. Is she even still alive?

25. No closure for anyone. No, Ellie did not receive closure (Ellie especially didn’t receive closure)

26. The fact that Yara died (and the way she died. I had to look away)

27. the plot is horrible, as I’ve mentioned, but it’s also just a fucking mess

28. Neil trying to make us feel bad for wanting revenge on bad people? What the hell

29. Neil thinking his game was so fucking edgy and cool, when in reality it was just torture porn

30. And once again, the people who suffered this torture where: poc, women, trans and lesbian characters

31. How they built up Joel and Ellies relationship in the first game then fucking tore it down so horribly

32. The fact that ND is one hundred percent going to try and hide behind how ‘diverse’ their game is when rightfully angry fans complain

33. The fights scene where very underwhelming compared to the trailers. might just be who I watched though

34. Holy shit. The fact that Ellie didn’t even end up killing Abby, after ALL SHE WENT THROUGH! She killed all those people to get to Abby and then didn’t even end up killing her

35. I know ND isn’t about giving players choices that may affect the game dramatically, but the fact that we couldn’t even have chosen to stay with Dina?

36. That Neil’s self insert oc fucking spitting on Joel’s mangled dead body,,,, that just shows how much respect Neil has for Joel as a character.

37. I know I’ve talked about it already, but they fucked up with Joel and Ellies relationship So Fucking Bad

38. Ya’ll wanna know how mad this game made me? Towards to end, when I thought they had killed Tommy, I got so fucking mad, that my emotions just. Shut off. I was /literally/ so mad, that I couldn’t even feel how mad I was. I ended up skipping pretty much to the end fight with Abby and Ellie, which I also ended up skipping half of it anyway. How bad do you have to fuck up to make someone feel like that? That’s not easy, my dude.

39. Not one character death made me think ‘wow, that was a good death, what a way to send of this character.’ It was literally all for shock value

40. Ellie ending up alone, after she states, not once, BUT TWICE in the first game, that that’s something she doesn’t want to happen. She tells Sam that’s her biggest fear, and then tells Joel everyone she loved has died or left. That was such a big thing in the first game and ND just shit on that

41. This one is just me being a little sensitive, but ND put Ellie in her own little house, as apposed to her living with Joel. One of the most important people in her life, even after he lied to her. I might be able to understand her moving out after Joel told her the truth, but not as soon as they get to Jackson. That doesn’t fit her character At All

42. Basically, I think they just fucked up with the characters and their relationships. like don’t get me wrong, I adore Dina/Ellie, but their whole dynamic…. I just can’t place it (mainly their relationship at the beginning, it gets better towards the end, until the real end)

43. Also I feel like the only real mourning any character did was Ellie mourning Joel, and even that was done badly. I felt as though she moved on too fast, she only really started experiencing ptsd with that traumatic scene towards the end of the game. I also feel like Jesse wasn’t really mourned properly

#me talkin’#the last of us #tlou2 spoilers #the last of us part two spoilers #the last of us two spoilers #long post #tlou2 #the last of us part two

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whydamnitwhy · 3 years

Text

AFTG Re-Read Notes

I wanted a place to put my random thoughts and HC’s while I re-read these books for the nth time and this is what happened:

There are 34 “Thank You’s” spoken by Neil throughout the story. [TFC= 10, TRK= 4, and TKM= 20]

There are 42 “I’m Fine’s” spoken by Neil throughout the story. [TFC= 10, TRK= 10, and TKM= 22]

Neil’s hair gets pulled (or mentioned to be pulled) 8 times in the story.

There are 14 times “I Asked” is mentioned in the books. 4 times by Neil. The other 10 are said by Wymack and Renee. All 14 are in reference to having asked Andrew something.

There are 35 “Please” spoken in the story. 11 of these are spoken by Neil.

There are 8 “I Hate You” spoken in the story. 4 by Andrew. 3 by Neil. 1 by Kevin.

Andrew curses 8 times in the entirety of the three books. Each time was the word “fuck”. (Mainly verbs, but one noun, own adjective, and one adverb snuck in.)[And each time he was sober... kind of.]

Neil wishes 22 times in the whole story, and in a way, all 22 wishes came true.

13 is a VERY important number. See THIS post.

HEAD CANONS- ish:

I believe there is a small fanon belief that Andrew pushed Janie Smalls over the edge-- but I realized Janie Smalls hadn’t even met the other foxes yet. Thats why it was so close to the pick Neil for the line.

“Andrew’s lot stay’s in town for summer break.”

Does that imply the first summer we read wasn’t the first summer The Monsters stayed with Abby? Did they stay their first summer too? Why not stay in the house in Columbia???

Realized that Neil was a 3.5 day walk away from San Fran where he buried his mother. (15 hour walk to the highway and 80 hours to walk to San Fran. And we know from his drug induced dehydration walk from Columbia to Palmetto, Neil could walk a mile in 17 minutes.)

I know Nora says Neil doesn’t like sweets, BUT the only canon instance where Neil states he doesn’t like sweets is with Bee (who he lies to all the time) and I can pinpoint at least 7 times where Neil willingly eats sweets. (TFC= Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 14; TRK= Chapter 9; TKM= Chapter 3, Chapter 10, and Chapter 16)

Realized (AGAIN) that Andrew went to Luther for help TWICE. And BOTH times Luther didn’t do a thing to help. (Once pretending to be Aaron to expose Tilda’s abuse and second for the Drake “misunderstanding”.)

I don’t think people talk enough about how self deprecating Neil is, but in a way that makes it seem logical.

I adore that Neil wants to fix Andrew knowing he doesn’t have a future himself— not because he’s jealous or “in love” (yet)— but because he has only ever had his mother protect him before. And the deal with his mother was to protect her in return— so trying to better Andrew’s future was equivocating their deal in a more tangible method that Neil wasn’t able to give his mother before. (But also that Kevin thought Exy was a future Andrew needed, while Nicky believed his future would be in another person— and they were BOTH right.)

“Neil neatly excised ninety percent of the truth and said, "I asked.”

THAT takes a WHOLE OTHER MEANING with what I know “ninety percent” is in reference to in the future.

I like to think when Neil pushed Andrew’s hand under his shirt and accepted the offer Neil was giving him— it wasn’t just because he trusted Neil to protect Kevin, but because he wanted to see if this boy he held between his palm was as unreal as he felt in that moment. (What did he look like off the drugs?)

Just realized that the reason why Andrew was so protective over a brother he never knew when his biological mother meant nothing to him, is because he saw himself in Aaron because they’re twins. And if he protected Aaron— than maybe he could protect himself too.

Okay look.... I understand there’s a lot of faults in this book and I adore every single one of those faults, truly. But I can’t get over the idea that Neil is handcuffed in a Cadillac front seat during the Lola torture scene— a CADILLAC. There is not one make of a Cadillac that would have front seats REMOTELY appropriate for that shit.

NEIL UNLOCKED THE DOOR FOR HIS UNCLE!! HE WAS THE REASON THEY COULD GET INSIDE AND TAKE NATHAN DOWN.

I love that Andrew does things to Neil that his parents did: pull his hair, tell him not to touch him, etc. But Andrew changes the meaning and thus changes the action in Neil’s mind.

The messed up chapter numbers in The King’s Men GETS ME EVERY TIME. I like to think that you can replace the first chapter 14 and 15 with the second chapter 14 and 15 and get different storylines.

The scene with Andrew telling Neil “no” is so important, man. I fully believe Andrew was expecting the worst and didn’t WANT to test Neil. He wanted to be able to have Neil for as long as he could and by saying “no” it was testing his ability to stop....

“That’s why”— Wasn’t just answering why Andrew is okay with being with Neil physically. But was answering why Andrew chose Neil over Aaron in the first place. Neil LISTENED to Andrew— even when he wasn’t saying anything.

I will still die on the hill that Aaron and Neil are two sides of the same coin. They are so similar it hurts. And the understanding that Aaron threatened/interrogated Neil about Andrew— because Aaron CARES about Andrew again. Realizing that Andrew never stopped caring about him.

TFC- “Welcome to the line.” And “Welcome to the foxhole court.”

TRK- “Welcome to the nest.”

TKM- “Welcome to the semifinals.”

Dude, they SOLD OUT the Ravens VS Foxes game?! I just now realized how many people that would require since it’s a US Court regulated sized court. Damn.

So I guess the “4″ or “Shi” was fitting for Neil since he did bring Riko’s death.

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harrysgloves · 4 years

Text

Fine Line (Chapter 6)

>>>Catch up with the Fine Line Masterlist!<<<

word count: 2k

story summary: Since you were kids you and Harry had always walked that fine line of friends or something more. Now, pregnant by someone else, you find yourself staying with your long time best friend after things go sour with your boyfriend of 3 years.

Singlemom!Reader x Harry Styles

chapter summary: Your friends leave town. Old feelings come back to the surface.

warnings: Language // Angsty? Harry’s a bit stupid too but we love him for that.

a/n: The cute stuff is coming. I’m so excited. Woot!

>>><<<

You tried your best to hide your sniffling and water eyes as you walked through the airport. Your hands balled tightly against your sides as you walked those overcrowded hallways as far as you could possibly go without a ticket. The security guard stopped all three of you once you reached the TSA line.

"This is shit." Abby said as she turned to you. Her eyes were just as red and puffy as yours.

"You guys come back when this one's born." You managed to say through the depressingly sad little coughs that always happened when you cried too much.

"Of course, we gotta see our little niece when she arrives." Gemma cooed as she touched your stomach, your eyes rolling at her determination that your baby was a girl.

"We love you baby." She smiled, hugging around your waist as you let out something between a laugh and a sob. Your arms wrapping around the parts of them both that you could reach from your awkward angle.

"I'll let you know when I get a place and you two can facetime me to pick out where my stuff goes." You three were still tightly holding onto each other, causing people around you to stare longer than necessary.

You didn't miss Gemma slyly flipping off an older lady who scoffed at you three.

"We'll text you when we land." Abby said, pulling back from you first. Her hands wiping away her tears.

"Yeah. Okay." You agreed, Gemma standing up from you, and even your least emotional friend had tears brimming in her eyes.

"We love you." She said, giving you a hug and not your stomach. Her body thrown against you hard as she clutched her hands around you.

"Be good to my brother, yeah? Make sure he's taken care of." She whispered into your hair. Your head nodded as she broke away from you.

They gave you one last wave goodbye before heading for the line. Suddenly, you felt like you were 19 again, standing in the same exact spot as you watched your two best friends leave on an adventure you couldn't join.

You rubbed your shoulders, trying your best to comfort yourself as you made your way back to your car. Your eyes fixed on the shitty off white tile that covered the abnormally long hallways. Every step felt like a huge task you had to force yourself to do.

Only a few more steps until you could have your breakdown.

Deep breaths in through your nose and out your mouth as your car came into your sight. Throwing passenger door open so hard you could hear the metal protest to your violence.

"'M sorry." He mumbled from the driver side. Your eyes not daring to move over to look at him as the tears leaked down your cheeks.

You'd blame hormones but you knew that wasn't the only reason you were crying this hard.

You always seemed to be the one who got left behind. Always alone.

"'S fine." You sniffed as your sweater covered hands wiped away the mixture of tears and mascara off your face.

Harry's hand covered your thigh as he backed out of the parking spot. Your head against the headrest as you closed your eyes.

"Don't 'ave to tell me y'fine when y'not." He said as he entered the motorway. The other cars swerved to avoid your slow old vehicle as he floored it to try and keep up with the flow of cars.

You could tell he wanted to say shit about your car being dangerous. A hazard to have around other cars. His one free hand having a death grip on the steering wheel but he knew better than to push that button. He knew better than to criticize the last thing your dad ever gave you.

"We're not doing this." You shot back, his eyes glaring at you. His pursed lips tightened as he looked away from you rolling your eyes at him.

You always were a brat when you didn't want to talk.

"Top five." He said with his hand on the broken volume knob of your car. His black painted fingers trying to fiddle with the radio to turn it down.

"I'm not eight anymore, Haz. Not doing that." You huffed as you watched him grow more and more frustrated with the fact your car radio wouldn't work the way it was supposed to.

"Fuckin' hell, jus' humor me and do it, yeah?" His eyebrow raised as his irritation slipped off him seeping around the car. Your hands slapping his away as you tapped a memorized pattern of hits and bangs against the old controls until the machine finally quieted the speakers around you.

"Need a new radio for y'birthday." He muttered, face set in irritation as he stared at the road.

Hormonal anger flaring inside of you as you looked at the smug bastard sitting in your seat, driving your damn car.

"Fine." You huffed out as your hands flew around. His eyes immediately widening as he looked from you to the road and back again. Very aware he'd woken the beast within.

"You wanna do top five? You fucking asked for it." Anger dripping from your voice as you felt your face heat.

"Number one, you don't get to tell me what shit I need and don't need. Mainly, my fucking radio." Your voice vibrated along the metal and glass as you held up your pointer finger to show the number you were on.

"Two, don't you dare say anything bad about this car. You know I can't get rid of it and even if I wanted to get rid of it not everyone has billions to drop on a new car whenever they want."

"Three, I'm fucking pissed and upset with Jesse. Then I feel terrible for being pissed and that's just a whole ass mess."

"Four, I have to start apartment hunting and I don't even know how to tell if a place is decent or not and I don't have my fucking dad with me to help me anymore."

"And finally five, I miss my fucking friends and I feel like I'm always the one who gets left behind all the time. You, Abby, Gemma, my dad, hell my mom is even technically gone and now Jess."

"It's like I'm a fucking neon sign saying abandon me it'll be fun." You said, your hands finally done flinging around with every word as the hard sobbing set. Choking on your own breath. Tears flooding every inch of your face.

You didn't even notice you two were parked in his driveway. Your hands over your face as you leaned into your legs. Crying your heart out.

The hand on your back rubbed soothing circles. Shushing you quietly. The waves of pain and anxiety started to slow as your eyes stung.

"One," he said quietly as he hunched over the armrest, his head laided awkwardly against the back of your shoulder "'M sorry 'bout the car. Know it means a lot to yeh, jus' don't want y'and the baby in somethin' that might break down somewhere."

"Two, 'm stressed 'bout this next album. Got no muse and nothing done. Feel like've taken a year off and got nothin' to show fo' it."

"Three, 'm scared to leave yeh if I go on tour or promote an album if I do get it done and yeh go into fuckin' labor or have a problem and I can't be there fo' yeh."

"Four, my damn socks 'ave been half way down my foot fo' the last hour but I'm too tall to reach it and fix it in this miniature car." He said, your head lifting from your legs to glare at him. Not being able to suppress your smile as your faux anger cracked, laughter coming from deep in your chest.

Of course he'd find a way to make you laugh when your world felt like it was falling apart. His own laugh joined yours and at a certain point you were sure you two were laughing for no reason other than loving to hear the others giggles.

"What's number five?" You asked once you finally calmed back down, your back against the seat in the car as you stared out the car windshield. Harry's posture mimicking yours. His hand in yours over top of the armrest in the middle of the car. The cool faux leather on the back of your hand. His warm skin almost felt clammy in your palm.

"Five," he sighed, his fingers dancing across the sensitive spot in the middle of your hand. Instinctively making you look over to him lost in his own little word. His mind running. You could practically see him rehearsing the conversation in his head.

"Hey," your other hand against his cheek to pull his face towards you. Your thumb stroking to the stubble on his cheek. "'S just me."

His eyes finally snapped to yours. Those eyes of rolling green pastures that reminded you of the crisp summer winds blowing through your hair held so many words behind them. Paragraphs and books worth of this he'd never tell you. Poems and lyrics of all the secrets he held onto.

Even though you both made promises to never hide things from each other. You knew everyone had things they'd never let slip from their mouths. Things they grasped and held on to so tightly. Kept close to their chest out of fear from rejection or regret of consequences.

You knew you had things like that. Thoughts of you with him. Daydreams of a life where you weren't so different.

"Want yeh to move in with me, bunny." He said as your eyes closed, forehead leaning against his.

Your mind raging a war within as you sighed. Torn between wanting to and knowing better.

But God, how you wanted to.

"Can't, Harry, you know that." You sighed, your eyes not opening even though you felt his gaze on you.

"Always said yeh wanted to live with me." Your eyes opened just enough to see him pouting at you. That puffy bottom lip sticking out.

"When I was 10. Now you're old and have smelly feet." You laughed as you pulled away from him, your back against the worn out fabric of your seat. Harry's glare trained on you as you moved.

"Love, I've smelled y'feet 'fore. Trust me yeh’s are way worse." He said with a simple shrug. Your eyes widening in shock before hitting him in the shoulder with your hand.

"Hey!"

"And yeh steal all the hot water in the mornings and y'eat all my pickles." He pointed out. Your lips pushed together as you looked at his overly lavish house.

Prick could afford for you to eat all the pickles in the world if you wanted to.

"I do not!" You lied, knowing damn well you had just finished off the jar the hour before leaving the house. Right after you'd taken all the hot water for your shower.

"I promise yeh right now there's no pickles in there and I jus' bought sum." He said with a little smile playing on the corner of his lips when he finally looked back to you.

"Why would you even want me to move in then?"

"Cause I love you." He said easily, his hand wrapping around yours again as you sighed.

"Love you too, Haz." Your fingers fiddled with his own, not looking at him. "Just not smart to move in together. Camille would be uncomfortable, you know?"

"Nah, I'll talk to her." He said with a wave of his hand like it was no big deal. Your very judgmental stare being shot his way.He was a fucking idiot if he thought that conversation would go over well. The girl might not have hated you but she would if you moved in with her boyfriend. "I promise. I'll talk to her."

"I'm still not moving in with you." You shook your head as you opened the door. Your legs slung over the side of the car before he could argue with you.

"Just think 'bout it." He said as he caught up with you. His arm around your shoulder as you walked to his doorsteps.

You rolled your eyes but nodded your head. Knowing you could never move in with him and maintain the distance between you two.

#Harry Styles #Harry #Harry Styles x Reader #Harry Styles x You #Harry Styles x Y/N #Harry Styles Fanfic #Harry Styles Fanfiction #Fanfic #fanfiction #writing #mine #FL #Fine Line

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ch4o7ix · 3 years

Text

Edaclark - Singapore night

oh hello there. i said i was gonna post my edaclark fic here, so here i am. originally it was in portuguese, and for this i just googled, used an app and also made some modifications, but i think it’s okay! If the fic has any grammar mistake, feel free to say it.

Enjoy! <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cold night wind hit his face, his gaze distant, focused on the not-so-starry Singapore sky. Clark liked to be there at night, not only because of the pool he shared with beautiful ladies but also because of the beautiful view that the place affords him. Lowering his gaze, he could gradually see the illuminated city he loved so much. A smile formed on his face as he traced with his eyes the path he normally took during his runs. He really loved what he did, flying was wonderful but still ... the adrenaline he felt was not what he expected to feel.

Normally, the excitement of flying was not in the uncertainty of his victory, since it was guaranteed, but mainly in the fear of the plane falling in any way. And that was not a pleasant feeling to feel. He rested his head on his hands, a tired sigh coming out. He missed feeling the real thrill of a race, but the last time he tried to have a real competition it didn't end well.

Just thinking about the last race he had with Lewis made him feel guilty. He was not directly guilty of causing this accident, he knew very well who set up the veteran, but ... he still felt his chest tighten with the overwhelming sense of guilt. This feeling intensified when he remembered his newest mechanic, Edamura. Although he disguised it well, his look of disgust directed at the men who ruined his former employer's life was quite remarkable.

The young competitor, if he could really call himself that, just wanted to be able to have a real contest, without scripts, without frames. Sure, he loves his brother, but he couldn't deny that the methods he uses are, in addition to being harmful, dangerous. The prince was tired, tired of the guilt he carried, tired of his brother's "scripted entertainment", tired of this false emotion, tired of lying.

Clark takes one of his hands to his hair, pulling it back, letting out a long breath. Problems and guilt are not going to go away with that, but at least that little gesture calms the young man.

The man is startled to hear the sound of footsteps, accompanied by a relatively loud yawn. He turned around, hoping to find a guest coming to get some air or even the older Ibrahim. But he was surprised to find a well-known mechanic, Makoto Edamura, walking towards him with a small smile on his lips. He felt his heart skip a beat, smiling back at the Japanese.

— Good night, Clark! – he said, his lovely accent noticeable even with that simple sentence.

— Hi Edamura! – The older one smiled, watching the smaller one lean against the fence that prevented them from falling while looking at the sky with a frown. – What happened? Are you cold? – He asked, even though he knew that the white sweatshirt the other was wearing was probably warm enough.

— No, I just ... I imagined that the sky here would be more starry. When I talked to Cynthia she told me that the view from up here was so beautiful. – He sounded disappointed, turning to the one with the dark blue eyes as if silently asking: "Do you understand?", making him nod in understanding, looking away again at the sky.

— It's quite annoying that the city is so bright at night that we can't even see the stars in the sky. But still, it's a beautiful view, depending on where you look. – He lowered his vision, leading Makoto to follow his gaze to the illuminated city, a breathtaking sight. The mechanic's eyes shone and he smiled in awe at the view, the sounds of the city gradually synchronizing and forming a unique soundtrack for that moment, which was attentively watched by the younger Ibrahim, who felt his chest warm and the damn butterflies if they churn in your stomach.

Edamura's smile is beautiful. Clark would do anything to be able to see him smile like that more often and would do anything to be the reason for that smile. Since he talked to the man for the first time, the prince felt something for him. He didn't know how to name it, but he knew it was complex ... and good. When the brown eyes met him again, filled with enthusiasm and shining with the reflection of the Singapore lights, Clark felt his stomach turn seven times in clockwise and counterclockwise direction, causing some sickness in the older man. Sometimes the feeling was not so good.

— Do you come here a lot? You must come, I never got to see a city from above, and from here everything is so bright! It even makes me forget about the fear of heights, you know? – He looked back at the city, taking his cell phone out of his sweatshirt pocket to take a picture. The older one smiled silly, seeing his face concentrated to take a perfect picture.

— Yes, it is. – "but not as much as you", he wanted to say, however, kept the thought to himself. – But I thought you lived in Tokyo before, how have you never seen anything like it? – He asked, making Makoto turn his face to face him, lowering his cell phone slightly, beyond the glass fence. "Oh, oh, I already see where this is going," he thought, looking back into the man's chocolate eyes.

— I'm afraid of heights, so the most I've seen were in pictures. – he replied to the surprise of the Singaporean, who until then imagined that every Japanese would have seen the city from above at least once in his life, as cariocas would do with Christ the Redeemer.

— If you are afraid of heights, then don't worry, my little Edamura! – he dictated, placing his hand on his chest gloriously, before hugging the smaller one from behind, drawing a small exclamation followed by a laugh from him. – Your prince here will see to it that neither you nor your cell phone – he took the device from the other's hands, who were protesting with laughter. – fall from that deadly height! – Finally, Clark gave a kiss on the top of the mechanic's head, who stopped laughing, still surprised by the action of the bigger one.

Makoto turned in his embrace, raising his face with a frown, his cheeks so red it looked like he had even been slapped, not a hug. Clark felt his heart accelerate again, his mouth slightly open and his eyes locked on that beautiful face, in the eyes that he had so often compared with chocolate, in his slender nose, his lips forming that attractive pout, so inviting… His body moved involuntarily, and when he found himself, Clark was just inches away from kissing the brown-haired man, who was in shock in his embrace.

The proximity between them was sufficient for them to be breathing the same air, but still, neither of them dared to move for a good two minutes. Two minutes that lasted an eternity. An eternity that Clark was enjoying. He was enjoying feeling the synchrony between his breaths, his heart beating together with that of the Japanese, the looks they exchanged, and the fact that so far, the other has not retreated. That was good, right? Perhaps it was by surprise, but even after the time of the initial shock, he did not move.

The older man's unoccupied hand was placed on the other's back, a move that was enough to get Edamura out of the initial trance. He quickly emerged from the prince's embrace, whirling a little and then stopping some distance from him, showing a mocking smile and waving his cell phone over his head. Ibrahim was still processing the fact that the moment between the two ended when he realized that the device was no longer in his hands. When did he get it?

— I didn't know you were the type to steal, Edamura! – He laughed, one eyebrow raised while still trying to understand when the cell phone left his hands.

— It's that saying: thief who steals thief, has a thousand years of forgiveness! – He laughed, going to the pool area while unlocking the device, being followed by the pilot.

— I never heard that saying, but for me, if you rhyme, then I'll believe it. – he said, trying to get Makoto's cell phone again. This one, however, was faster, deviating fully while walking again, taking care not to get too close to the pool. – If a thief steals the thief who stole it, how many years of forgiveness would he gain?

— And you think you could steal me? – the brown-haired one asked in disbelief, crossing his arms and consequently hiding the cell phone from Clark's heavy hands, receiving only a smile from the other. – Okay, if a thief manages to steal the thief who stole it, I think he would have... Ten years of forgiveness!

— Only ten?! Why?

— Because that means the robbery was a success in the end. A thief was unable to steal, but the thief who was stolen in the beginning continued with the stolen item, so he remains guilty of theft. – He smiled victoriously as he faced the employer's expression of defeat, who only sighed in response to his hypothetical arrest.

Almost a second later, Clark surprised Makoto by jumping on him, but as usual, he swerved gracefully...

— Haha! I told you that you- –… to immediately take a step towards the edge of the pool. At that moment, Edamura could have sworn he saw his life passing like a short film before his eyes, one of the most striking phrases being that of Abby, calling him a virgin for the hundredth time.

Clark luckily held his hand, preventing the fall from occurring. Both smiled in relief before the betrayal occurred. Clark took the damn cell phone from the mechanic, who widened his eyes in disbelief at the older man's attitude. As soon as his objective was in his hands, a final evil smile was given towards his friend, before his hand dropped him to his icy death.

The sound of the fall was painful to hear, mainly because drops of cold water from the pool reached the prince, but in the end, he was still dry and had managed ten years of forgiveness.

— You are an asshole! – Makoto said as soon as he emerged, frowning and drenched, like a cat that ended up falling into the water unintentionally, which was not far from reality. – You are a bastard and an asshole!

— I am not the one in a pool, in the cold, and on top of clothes. – Ibrahim scoffed, placing the cell phone on one of the chairs that were nearby, to crouch in front of the angry Japanese. – But I can think of helping you with one condition! – he said with his index finger raised and a wide smile growing in his face. – For a kiss, I-

And again, the sound of a body submerging in the icy water was heard. Makoto gave a short and evil laugh with his revenge. Clark emerged quickly, already shivering with a frown instead of his usual smile.

— Ugly face for me is hunger. – Makoto said, resting his elbows on the edge of the pool as he watched the Singaporean dive and appear on his side, looking more comfortable with the temperature, although he still trembles slightly.

— Your luck is that it's not that cold today. – The pilot leaned on the edge of the pool sulking. – And you cursed me earlier, you cursed someone from royalty! – he exclaimed, almost convincing the minor that the offenses offended him, narrowly failing due to his exaggerated facial expression.

— Well, maybe I can think of helping you. – the scammer said, joining in the game and imitating the mocking air that the prince had taken when he offered him help. – For a kiss, maybe I can forgive you, how about? – He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Even though Clark knew it was a joke, he couldn't help the uncontrollable urge to try and get that forgiveness. And it was a stupid idea, he certainly shouldn't even consider it, since it would probably be a badly received kiss and would end any chance he had with the mechanic, even if they were tiny. But you know... Clark Ibrahim was never afraid to execute stupid ideas. Of course, the last one he executed ended up severely hurting one of his best friends, preventing him from doing one of the things he loved the most, but there were no lives at stake now! Maybe his, if he were to consider what his older brother used to be, but, no! No lives at stake!

And it was with this assurance of the only trusting voice in his head, that the Ibrahim approached the smaller one, who just looked at him with a small smile and a confused expression. He just smiled back, taking a hand to his chin and lifting him up, simultaneously bringing their faces together until their noses touched. His breathing was heavy and he could feel his hands tingling, just as he could feel the rhythmic heartbeat of the youngest. Before proceeding, he looked at those chocolatey eyes again, surprised to find that the man was also looking at him.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and kissed the other one, still a little anxious about his response to the act. When he realized that he hadn’t moved, the man turned away regretfully, taking his hand to the back of the neck, and avoiding eye contact with the youngest, who just looked at him without understanding. Clark was sweating cold, the anxiety intensifying his shaking a little and causing a lump to form in his throat. Maybe he didn't like the kiss, maybe he was going to hate him for going out kissing him like it was nothing, maybe he was scared and so he didn't react, but that wasn't necessarily good, so...

"Oh, shit, I fucked it up!", The thought echoed in his mind, as he felt his breathing quicken, a whirlwind of hypotheses crossing his mind.

— Clark? – Edamura called, placing a hand on his shoulder.

— I’m sorry! I-I should have asked you before doing something like that, I know you were kidding, I just- – he didn't finish the sentence, since Makoto's moist and slightly cracked lips reached his before.

— It's ok! – he dictated as he parted their lips, getting closer to the pilot and placing a hand on his face, lightly brushing his beard. Makoto lightly stroked Clark's cheek with his thumb while watching him fondly. – It's okay, I was just a little surprised. I didn't think you were really going to kiss me! – He said with a smile, his accent pulled up again. The older man's cheeks heated up, and he finally looked into his friend's (Lover? It was just a kiss) eyes again. – When in doubt, it doesn't hurt to ask! – His warm smile touched the biggest one immensely.

Ibrahim nodded, holding it for a moment in Makoto's small hand, his eyes closed, appreciating the heat it emanated. He heard the water stir, and soon felt Makoto's body closer to his, the weight of his head on his shoulder and his free hand lightly caressing his arm. He soon wrapped him in a hug, and the two of them stood there, hugging each other, in their clothes in a pool, for a while.

Unlike the other moments of that night, when a touch that was even more intimate with Makoto made Clark's heart race, now the only things he felt were comfort and peace. Despite being exposed to the cold, he remained warm, the proximity of the bodies warming him, a smile on his face as he enjoyed the heat that settled in his chest and spread over his body, not wanting to leave that position. Just a few more minutes like that. It wasn't even so cold.

That was when the mechanic left a small kiss on his shoulder, taking the initiative to leave the position. Clark missed the heat, the icy water soon doing its job, and guaranteeing him another shaking crisis.

— I think it's time to leave, right? – damura said, sitting on the edge of the pool ready to leave the cover and go to a warmer place when his hand was held by the pilot's, who looked at him with an abandoned dog face. – Do you want to stay in the cold? Seriously? – he asked exaggeratedly disbelieving, getting a little laugh from the Ibrahim.

— Of course not, I just wanted to be with you more. Usually, when I'm in a pool with someone I like, the tendency is for me to use my princely skills to win over the beautiful lady! – the prince dramatized, following the movements of Edamura, who sat on the edge of the pool watching him with amusement. – It’s not always so… slow, i guess. – he ended simply.

— Yeah, but, unfortunately, the prince is awful with romance and was afraid to kiss his humble subject, and because of that, now he will be left in the infinity pool, dreaming with the lips of the beautiful young man who works for him! Am I right? – Edamura looked at him with irritating conviction, and Clark couldn't help but roll his eyes, inevitably smiling. Unfortunately, he was right. – But you know, – the man suddenly became shy, raising Clark's curiosity. – it's not like I'm going to deny you a kiss ... Not that I'm suggesting anything, far from me! It's just ... a reminder.

— Ah, good reminder! Really good, I will make good use of it! – The blue-eyed one exclaimed, not really sure if he would make good use of the reminder. And the minor noticed it, watching as it sank a little deeper. How can a guy as womanizing as he can't get a simple kiss?

Edamura sighed audibly and jumped back into the pool, right in front of Clark, who took a step back in reflex; however, the Japanese man prevented him from moving further, pulling him by the collar of his blouse and taking his lips, startling the man with the sudden act, who took a while to return the kiss. Edamura was soon in his arms again, his hands between Clark's messy, damp strands, pulling him closer, and seeking to deepen the contact. And, God, he was loving it!

Maybe it was the thrill of kissing someone after so long, but Makoto's body seemed to burn just with that simple contact. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered and his heart beat like a samba school drum, playing faster and harder with each little act of Ibrahim, losing the rhythm with each bite distributed over his lips. When Clark asked for permission to deepen the contact, he didn't think twice before giving in, allowing the eldest to guide him in that delightful dance.

However, the kiss was soon stopped, since they lacked air. They were panting, strangely hot, and flushed. Makoto smiled, leaning back against the edge of the pool. He pulled his hair back, receiving a curious look from Clark. He was very expressive, he thought, approaching and stealing a little kiss from him. He shouldn't be fraternizing with the enemy, at least, not like that, but since he was already breaking rules, he would enjoy it.

— So, – Clark began, leaning back beside him, both back in the same position they were in when they met that night. Thinking about it, Edamura looked at the sky again, now admiring how the pilot's eyes weren’t too far from matching that shade of blue. – How was it to kiss a prince, Mr. Edamura?

— Honestly, I should be the one asking this question. – He replied, again making Clark laugh, this time more restrained. – I kissed you, prince!

— Okay, okay, let's keep this part a secret for your sake! – Ibrahim replied while Makoto turned to face him, eyebrows raised in disbelief. – Imagine what a scandal it would be, a servant daring to steal the prince's lips?! It’s better to think that I seduced you. It will also be easier to believe since I am practically irresistible! – and as soon as he finished the sentence, the prince was hit with cold water, complaining soon after, while Makoto laughed at him.

— Clark! – Came a deep voice, which the lovers immediately associated with the older Ibrahim. A chill ran through Edamura's body, fearing Sam's reaction when he saw them in the pool. Well, at least he didn't arrive at a more compromising moment. – Clar- what the hell are you two doing here? – He asked as soon as he saw them, receiving an embarrassed smile from his younger brother and a grunt of shame from the mechanic.

— We fell. – Clark replied simply, scratching the back of his neck, while Makoto plunged in shame and cold water. But apparently, that simple excuse was enough to convince the organizer. It must have been something common, or maybe he just wasn't interested in what caused two people to fall.

— We have some things to talk about, so let's go. – Sam said, and from his tone, that was not a request.

With a sigh, Clark left the pool, following his brother, who was already heading for the elevator. The younger Ibrahim waved to Edamura, whispering "good night" and sending a puffed kiss to the mechanic. Edamura waved back, following him with her eyes until it was no longer possible. Her cheeks flushed and her chest warmed as he remembered the events of that night. Makoto was really screwed if he was forced to tell everything to the team, and honestly, he was no longer so attached to the idea of deceiving those brothers ... well, just one of them.

He sat down on the edge of the pool again, reclining until his back touched the floor. Edamura looked at the sky, and the sky looked back. A few stars shone and brought a smile to the scammer's face. Singapore's sky might not have been the most beautiful he had ever seen, but it was certainly comforting. It reminded him of a certain pilot, whose eyes were similar in color to the sky, and who marked his stay in that country.

#great pretender anime #great pretender #makoto edamura #clark ibrahim #edaclark #makoto edamura x clark ibrahim #edamura x clark #sam ibrahim great pretender #sam ibrahim #makoto edamame #grepe #rarepair #long post #great pretender fic

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himbo-buckley · 4 years

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Intimacy, Sex and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 2

G’day friends, family and lost travelers! Welcome back to another instance of: I read too much into things!

This is where we really dive into the Character analysis and it’s gonna be a fun ride!!! (well, maybe. For me at least because thanks to 3.16 I am living! That episode validated me so much and now I truly believe I am right)

This is part two of a three part Meta / Character Analysis, and while you probably don’t need to read part 1, I would recommend it, so here is the link:

part 1

Also:

I should preface this by saying this meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics.

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney* voice we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something?

This Meta will so far have three parts (this is part two), one for each season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along

So here goes nothing, Season 2: (Also called „Why is Ryan naked so much?“)

Episode 2.01:

I’m not gonna talk a lot about this episode, because I feel like it’s been analysed to death already. Important to know is that Buck hasn’t yet given up on Abby coming back (see the shower scene), he is very lonely and there is a lot of homo- erotic tension.

Basically this episode goes like this:

Buck *after meeting Eddie*: nooooo, Dad, I don’t want a brother! He’s better than me! Put him back where he came from!

Eddie *takes one look at Buck*: Ui, you guys lied, he’s an ass - I like it! This is way better! We’re gonna be friends!

And then Buddie decides to something stupid to prove themselves (to each other) and they end up saving the day and bonding.

Also Eddie saying: „You guys hungry?“ after the Ambulance blows up? Iconic! He is such a little shit.

Episode 2.02 / 2.03:

(I’m putting them together because two-parter)

This episodes truly proves how hard they’ve already bonded, despite Buck not even knowing Eddie has a kid yet, especially from Eddie’s point of view: I actually think he started seeing Buck as his partner first.

I love how he always takes charge, even in his first episode and expects Buck to go along with it - which Buck does (after some initial reluctance), because Buck is good at following orders and trusts Eddie. It might be an army thing, probably is an Eddie likes control thing. What is truly unique about Buddie, is the fact that Eddie defers to Buck’s judgement as needed, something he doesn’t do with anyone else, I think, unless the chain of command tells him to. Just look at how annoyed he is by Ali and her interfering.

That being said it really isn’t all to relevant for this meta, except to say: Interest- ing how fast they trusted each other and became a unit - I guess it’s true what they say: birds of a feather flock together.

Episode 2.04:

Here we get our first real insights into Eddie’s character (aside from that he is a little shit and likes to take charge) as well as some very nice shots of the man’s body, proving my theory that someone in charge really wants to get busy with Ryan Guzman. Which I am not exactly complaining about.

I do think however it’s a very noticable shift from the way they treat the other young, attractive guy in the cast. I talked about this a little in the first part of this Meta, how they went out of their way to hold Buck accountable and make him relatable, but refused to bank on his sex appeal, aside from a few scenes which mostly were about explaining why Abby reached out to him (and uh, we do not need to talk about how creepy that really was, do we?). Eddie though really gets sexualised from the get go. Or maybe that’s just me and I missed something? (Someone with more insight on such topics take the wheel? Because that really isn’t my area of expertice and I don’t wanna say anything false)

A main difference between Buck and Eddie at this point (or in general) is that Buck is always looking for connection. He craves emotional intimacy but it scares him because he cares too much and people keep leaving so he searches out physical intimacy - or he used to. Actually by Season 2 Buck is actively looking to connect emotionally with another person.

Eddie on the other hand isn’t even on the same level as Pilot!Buck, because he avoids both physical and emotional intimacy (except with Buck because, you know, steam engine). The episode implies that it might be caused by Shannon leaving, but the rest of Season 2 and specifically Season 3 show us that it’s an Eddie thing (likely caused by his upbringing if you fast forward to 3.15). And it really makes me want to know how Shannon and Eddie met and how long they had been dating before she got pregnant. Probably not that long tbh.

One thing to notice about the episode is that it parallels Eddie both with Buck (neither wants to date one of those girls, both deflect about their reasons) and with Abby - watch 1.03 and 2.04 back to back, both are about a character taking care of a special needs family member, both have another family member consider them stuck when they themselves do not and both feature Buck trying to help (passively by talking to Abby on the phone vs. actively by having Eddie and Carla meet)

Also as I pointed out in another post the conversation about dating is kind of similar to the car conversation, and I really am clowning now - which is why I will not try and parallel the conversation between Maddie and Buck with the one between Bobby and Buck in 1.09!

I still don’t fully understand the need for that scene (you know which one) aside from being another instance where the boys get sexualised and giving us our first insight into Eddie romantically and also the first time he uses Christopher as a shield (also not the last).

The general take away from the episode is that Eddie is bad at asking for help and Buck is bad at asking for permission which means they fit really well - because Eddie doesn’t have to voice his needs and Buck doesn’t have to feel bad about steamrolling him.

In terms of the overall theme of this meta your main takeaway from this episode should be:

Buck - no longer substituting physical intimacy for emotional intimacy but also not seeking out emotional intimacy, both because he has a connection through Maddie and is building one with Eddie but also because he still considers himself spoken for, though the episode ends with him realicing he might not be (and then he keeps realising, because he is one stubborn mf).

Eddie - avoiding both physical and emotional intimacy and using Christopher to deflect, mainly because he doesn’t have the time for either (but still getting a connection through Buck, thanks to someone just punching right through his boundaries)

Episode 2.05:

no relevance, our boys are barely in it

Episode 2.06:

Well, if you want to write about Buddie crumbs than yeah, definitely important. Also, you can draw a definite parallel between Abby and Taylor, because Buck knew both their voices before he saw their faces and built an emotional connection to those voices. This fits because, well, Buck is afraid of emotional intimacy, but when it’s just a voice it’s easier for him to let himself be vulnerable cause it’s not an actual person.

Plus, considering the thing with Taylor is one sided prior to their meeting, he isn’t actually cheating on Abby. Or so Buck thinks. (Also Taylor doesn’t have a chance to hurt Buck and leave him because you know, she is not aware he exists?)

Also Eddie talks about becoming a firefighter because he missed the camaraderie of the army - aka the emotional connection he had with his squadron (is that the right term?). So technically he did actively try and seek it out - to a point at least. Because, as I will discuss in Part 3, Eddie may consider the 118 his family but his relationship with the other three firefighters in not on the same level than the one he has with Buck.

Episode 2.07:

Let’s all give a warm welcome to Shannon Diaz! I like Shannon, I think she is great (I also think she and Eddie are similar because they both run away from problems which is why they would never work out - unlike another possible relationship mentioned sporadically in this Meta, hint hint ;) ... okay, moving on)

We learn that „not in the picture“ means Eddie is still married, which begs the question how much Eddie has told Carla and the 118 about Shannon up to this point (as little as possible), what they assume about her (probably the worst) and if Eddie ever sets the record straight (I’m assuming yes, because while Eddie doesn’t share - Eddie is also protective of his family and Shannon is his family for better or worse - I really wish they didn’t kill her off and instead played out the divorce storyline because there was so much chance for growth! Although that was probably too similar to Athena and Michael, which is why they didn’t do it. So they fridged her. Damn, and I am still salty about it.)

I really love when she comes to the house, because we learn so much about them as a couple. Like how her eyes grow warm when he opens the door but Eddie’s don’t but then he goes in to hug her (and you can really tell that Ryan Guzman is an athlete in the way that he always acts with his whole body and conveys so much through movement). And the fact that Shannon immediately pushes to meet Christopher (probably because with Eddie you need to push, because he is very stubborn and also in need of control), and her saying she never thought Eddie would be into something so fancy? Yet another insight into Eddie’s character and into his upbringing, which while probably not poor seems to have been fairly modest.

Also love how they fight almost right from the get go, implying that it is their normal (as proven in 3.15). They really never stood a chance!

There is a lot of backstory we get through their fighting, both at the house and at the school, most notably that even in marriage Eddie was never able to fully open up to Shannon - aka be emotionally intimate with her. Which made her feel very alone.

And I don’t wanna defend Shannon and her actions because other people have said it before and this is not what this Meta is about but I can see her point of view. With Eddie and the way he just always needs to be in control and make the decisions she probably thought she had to do something drastic to get him to notice her and her struggles.

Interestingly enough Eddie is emotionally vulnerable with Shannon at the end when he tells her that he understands why she left and that he misses her, but then he immediately kisses her and look, we don’t know what happens next but we can guess from the latter episodes.

And look, tbh with Eddie it’s a little bit harder to draw the line between physical and emotional intimacy than with Buck because Eddie’s love language is touch and actions, so technically in a way he is always emotionally intimate when he is physically intimate (probably why he didn’t wanna go out with any of the girls in 2.04 - Eddie, different to Buck, can not just separate feelings from sex, while Buck has a hard time reconciling the two)

On Buck’s side of this Meta he finally comes to terms with Abby leaving, which doesn’t have too much relevance for this meta except there are a lot of parallels between Buddie in terms of: how long is too long to wait - because while Eddie pretends to have given up on Shannon, he actually hasn’t, whereas Buck outwardly is still waiting for Abby but on the inside has given up hope - something they both come to terms with in this episode

Episode 2.08:

Fun fact: The german title of this Episode is Lovestorys. Can you guess if there is anything of relevance in it?

Okay, first off for the millionth time, in case you haven’t read part 1 or you aren’t convinced yet or maybe you just forgot: Evan „Buck“ Buckley was never a sex addict. Kay? Good.

Also, remember when I said the show doesn’t sexualise Oliver the way it does Ryan? Yeah, this episode exactly. Buck has sex twice and we see less of his body than of Eddie just getting out of bed. Is it a contract thing? Was Ryan always running around naked on set? Did Oliver refuse to take his shirt off? Is he always cold because he’s vegan? Should I figure out Twitter just to ask the cast these questions?

(Also, remember when I said with Buck it’s mostly Girl on top, yay, it stays true)

In terms of actual relevant story, there’s that woman on the freeway (highway? Idk guys, I’m not from the US) reinforcing that Buck has finally accepted that Abby and him are over and then there’s the Taylor Kenny - story, which is sort of just beating the bush of sexual vs emotional intimacy with Buck trying for the latter and only finding the former (remember the Brunette from the Pilot? Yeah, that’s why I’m reminding you).

What I like is the fact that, after spending so much time calling out Buck 1.0 (and they should, because stealing a fire truck? Twice? Babe, for realsies?), this episode went: look, maybe girls like meaningless sex, too? Although, technically they have been telling us from the the beginning, that those girl were using Buck in the same way he was using them (again with the Brunette) - Buck just never understood that until Taylor.

We also get the soulmate scene with the very sweet couple, once again, rein- forcing how lonely Buck is and how much he is craving love and a connection and stability. That really is what his character boils down to at the end of the day: a lost kid trying to find his place in the world. And now I’m sad.

As for the Ali storyline, oh man, I’d really rather ignore it? Not because I have anything against the character per sey it’s just - we get to see their first meeting and then 5 episodes later their first date and by the end of the season they are in love love except by Season 3 she is gone? And in between she is hardly ever mentioned? So I really don’t know how to comment on their relationship in terms of this meta and what it means for Buck except: I think it was one of those right times right moment kind of things and Buck is sort of transfering a lot of his wishes and needs and feelings onto her, but their relationship has a weak foundation, which is why it ended so fast (except we don’t know how fast it ended because there is a 5 month gap between Season 2 and 3 and the breakup gets mentioned one (1) time. Soooooo...)

And Eddie, well, he was in the episode.

Episode 2.09:

I like this episode a lot and it tells us so much about Hen’s issues, but in terms of this meta: no relevance!

Sidenote: I do always forget they did Hen before they did Chim. Then again this episode in general feels very disconnected because there was no prompting, no connection to the present.

Episode 2.10:

Ah, yes, that one! The gift that keeps on giving in terms of Eddie and this meta (and also Buddie, but I’m trying not to be ship-y around here)

(One tiny sidenote though, I do think we see Eddie roll of off Shannon, and, while I don’t want to reinforce some stereotype about Top and Bottom, because I am not a gay man and therefore not qualified to comment, with Buck it’s generally girl on top? So Buck usually lets his partner set the pace while Eddie prefers to be the one in control? Okay, you know what, let’s just say it fits with their characters and maybe they match and leave it at that?)

(also, again with the Ryan shirtless, I mean, not that I am complaining, it’s just ... yeah, please, someone who knows this stuff come talk to me about it and explain because I don’t know and maybe I am seeing things?)

(sidenote #3 with actual relevance: They did not mention Buck’s girlfriend even once. They never do until the final.)

First of, this episode proofs what I said before: With Eddie there is no separating Sex and feelings. It is interconnected („We are working things out.“).

Also there is a point to be made about Eddie and control. So far we have always seen Eddie be the one in control and make decisions and this is our first real indicator that it actually bothers him, that maybe he wants someone else to tell him what’s right or wrong, too.

I’m gonna fast forward a bit, because we are nearly at the end of Season 3 irl and so far we have seen Eddie ask for help several times but only with two people - Buck and Lena - he actually takes the advice. I don’t want to say too much because it really fits better in Season 3, but wether you ship them or not, it is noticeable that out of everyone Buck is the one Eddie let’s help the most. The one he trusts the most.

(Man, they are both just two lost boys looking for their home, aren’t they? (and now I am sad again.))

There is also the topic of trust brought up, which you know, we hear about a few times from Eddie, and it really is such a big thing for him, isn’t it?

To fast forward again, that is one big difference between Eddie and Buck. Both struggle with self worth and trust but while Buck’s biggest problem is that he doesn’t trust people to like him, if they actually get to know him (or if they even want to get to know him), Eddie just plain old does not trust people? Because Eddie is a pessimist, so he doesn’t even try to connect, while Buckeroo trusts way too much and too easily and he is such an optimist and gives away everything and then he still isn’t enough - and then and only then does he give up hope (which is something we see happen in canon maybe twice? With Abby, maybe with Ali, and with Christopher, but again, Season 3 you guys!)

These two really are the different sides of the same coin, huh?

In relevance to this Meta, Eddie is trying very much this whole episode to be open and vulnerable and he struggles so much because he is very scared. The main issue with Eddie is always (and specifically with Shannon) by making himself vulnerable, he opens Christopher up to getting hurt as well (and vice versa because he can’t let Shannon into his son’s life without letting her into his own life) and this is what we see him struggle with in this episode and also what intensifies his already existing issues with intimacy throughout the show in general, his need to protect his son.

It should be noted that in the end Eddie puts Christopher’s wishes above his own well-being which is in fact what he will always do because Christopher is the most important person in his life.

As for Buck in this episode, well, after having so much development in his last episode, he really was there more as a sounding board for other characters. However I will mention that, after the show points out the whole thing is none of his business twice, Eddie then turns around and makes the Shannon thing Buck’s business, because well, connected and all that. Trusting and giving up control. Emotional intimacy. Just repeating myself now.

Episode 2.11: No relevance.

Episode 2.12: No relevance.

Episode 2.13: No real relevance.

There is the scene in the hospital between Buck and Eddie that reinforces the peas in a pot thing they got going on and a reverse from the Christmas Episode when Eddie asked Buck about what he should do. Here Eddie acts as the sounding board (even though Buck has already done the thing but then so has Eddie by hiding Shannon).

This is also yet another instance of Buck trying to help another person with no regard for his own safety but I’m with Eddie here: I have sisters as well. I too would do countless stupid things to save them with no regard to my own safety and I’m a girl - I was not raised on the believe that is was my job to protect them from harm like both Buck and Eddie probably were (because gender rolls).

Also Buck thinks it’s his fault that Doug even found Maddie and Eddie explains to him why its bull. To reinforce the whole connection thing, it is very noticeable that these two always give each other exactly what the other needs - with Eddie from the get go always working on building up Buck’s self worth and Buck always lending a hand to Eddie and taking control when needed (remember Carla? That was Buck taking control for Eddie because Eddie didn’t know what to do).

There is also the short scene when Shannon comes to the hospital and it prob- ably did a lot to help rebuild Eddies trust in his wife.

Episode 2.14:

STOP MAKING EVAN BUCKLEY WORRY ABOUT HIS FAMILY 2k21 (because it’s too late for anything before that)

It’s also our first real: Eddie can be a dumbass, too sighting and there is that one scene (you know which one) which in text is not shippy at all, but ended up in every gifset because Oliver is looking at Ryan like he wants to eat him alive.

Aside from that, this episode really isn’t about them and that’s okay.

Episode 2.15: Crime is hard. That is all.

Episode 2.16: No relevance.

Episode 2.17:

First of all, Eddie is not shirtless? At the beach? Damn, what’s wrong, 911? Is it because Gavin was there? Have you used up all your contracted shirtless scenes by now? Did Ryan find out he was the only one running around set half naked?

Also poor Eddie, you know, you’d think getting married your done having those: what are we - conversations and then bam: there it is again. He really can’t catch a break, can he?

Also I know it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again: Eddie Diaz is not in love with Shannon. Maybe he has never been or maybe he just stopped at some point, but right then and there he isn’t in love with her. He does however love her deeply (she is after all the mother of his son) and she is his family which is sort of where the problem in their relationship lies. Because Eddie, who has problems with trust and intimacy, frankly doesn’t care enough about Shannon (and also doesn’t trust her enough) to try and be open and vulnerable with her, which is what he needs to be in order for them to work, a fact that Shannon seems to be aware of and have accepted.

(Because if you have to wait for a sign on what to do in your relationship, yeah, you already know - you’re just not accepting it.)

And this episode is so heartbreaking and I just had to stop myself from ugly crying because Shannon loves Christopher so very much. And I just hate that they killed her off, so in my mind I have already half plotted a fix it fic in which she survives because that was just unnecessary angst.

Though that’s the topic of another post.

In terms of the relationship-story I am similarly floored as I am by the „Help!“ scene because (at least for me) this is the first time I have seen media really address that yes, you can be a good parent and still not be ready for a serious relationship because those two things are very different. Sure, you sometimes see examples of it through subtext but never before has it been so outright stated.

And I like that both Shannon and Eddie ask themselves that question, but come to a different conclusion - or actually they don’t. Like I said above, for Eddie this relationship fits because it’s easy and he doesn’t have to change or better adapt. He can just keep avoiding the hard stuff (being vulnerable) and still have the good stuff (sex). And then Shannon might be pregnant again and look at his speech at the restaurant: He is basically saying our child is awesome, so we should get back together because if we make such awesome children than we can’t be that bad together. And that is so very wrong, which Shannon understands.

The problem is, that Eddie doesn’t fully understand why their marriage hasn’t worked in the first place. If you tie it into 3.15 Eddie Begins, I think for Eddie, the reason why Shannon left him was a little to get back at him for leaving her and a lot about feeling left alone and being unable to cope with raising their child alone, but all of that is gonna be different now because he will be there for her physically and emotionally as he is no longer in the army! So the issue is solved. They should be a family again. Even without a new kid. After all: they love each other.

And look, those are all fair reasons and true but the thing Eddie doesn’t understand about relationships in general and his marriage to Shannon in particular is that she also needs him to be emotionally vulnerable with her. Shannon needs Eddie to let her be there for him, just like he is trying to be there for her. Because relationships are always a two way street.

SO obviously this is where the episode ended. There were no more scenes af- ter that. Nope. Bit weird how it was so short but you do you, 911, you do you!

And well, Buck was there too.

Episode 2.18:

I’m just gonna come out and say it: Ramon and Helena are bad parents. Flying to your daughter-in-law’s funeral only to bad mouth her and then try to take your son’s son away again? Yeah, I do not like your style. I wonder how much of Eddie Begins was already planned at this point or if they built that plot about his family for 3.15 based on this episode. Huh. We might never know. (except Twitter)

Also me thinks Eddie choose LA because of Pepa and Abuela, not because of Shannon. She was probably just a bonus.

As for Buck (and Ali): the actors seem to have had fun doing those scenes? I guess? Other than that it’s a little cringy and very out of nowhere and probably more caused by the show having money left over and deciding to built a new set. ANd damn what a set. I wonder how Buck is supposed to be able to afford that because that apartment has probably about 50-75m2 considering there is a kitchen and a living room as well as a room behind the living room and probably an extra room in the upper floor as well (someone do a floorplan and also tell me why Buck needs so much space and wether they think I could move in with him. My apartment is not this nice and LA isn’t that long a commute).

Point being I don’t know why they brought Ali back in the first place, especially in this episode. She was never mentioned after their first date, so why? Just to give people something to discuss during hiatus?

There was no point to have those two incredibly lovey dovey scenes only to have that scenes about what he wants to do next because all those scenes? Would have worked just fine with, you know, his sister (except a little different because incest). Who actually has the what if you can’t go back to being a firefighter - scene with him. So why have a girlfriend you barely introduced and never used before? I’m not mad, 911, just confused! (Fuck me, I really am getting twitter)

As for the topic of this meta, there really isn’t much too tell. Ali honestly doesn’t figure into things except to create more abandonment issues.

I should point out that this episode reinforced the whole Buddie connection thing - from Eddie holding Buck’s hand the whole while he’s pinned to saying „Almost (back to normal)“ to Buck going to Eddie’s ceremony despite probably still being on somewhat of a bed rest.

Other than that, that’s it for Season 2. Whew!

Before I let ya’ll off the hook, though (look, you’ve read it this far, you can now just bear it a bit longer) I wanna comment real quick:

Compared to Season 1 Buck barely had any character development (mainly because he had so much in Season 1 and sometimes stuff like that needs to settle - real life would be the same way)

Eddie however has nearly no development at all and in fact as of Season 3, not a lot has changed in that regard. His issues just became more obvious. Which is something I actually like a lot, because one: he went through a lot of shit in a fairly short amount of time and two: he is such a stubborn and reserved character, anything else wouldn’t be in character and ultimately feel rushed. Plus, because this is his personality it’s feels like we’re actually getting to know him like you would a person in real life? Piece by piece, no unnecessary exposition. Or maybe that’s just me, I don’t really know anything about storytelling.

I also want to comment on Buddie real quick because it would be dishonest if I didn’t and also it’s just glaring me in the face:

The thing is, while I do not necessarily believe they have any intention of making them romantic (because I have been burned too often and just recently by a show that liked to praise itself for its diversity (so a heartfelt fuck you to Sera Gamble and who ever decided to kill off Quentin Coldwater, because that character mattered so much and you destroyed it)), I do think we are right when we talk about connection and parallels and being each others person and just generally being each others closest relationship. Because they parallel their stories so much and they connect them so often and they did do it from the get go like as early as Episode 4 - which was already written and probably already shot by the time Episode 1 aired. So there. I said it. Buddie is real, wether it’s platonic or romantic, it is real. And that also matters!

(although of course if they went with romantic? That would matter a bit more! Tim Minear, listen to me, you could make TV history! This would be bigger than Supergirl making the sister gay in the second season! Ya’ll would be legends, revered by fans for years to come! Also I’d bake you a cake?)

And there you have it! Season 2! We made it! And only like 2000 words more than Season 1.

Can you believe at this point I have written nearly 10.000 words on these two exceptional characters and their issues? And it’s technically only one issue, like I’m ignoring so much stuff just glaring at me right now!

(also on a side note, this is where I tag @angelcamael , who asked me to do so and @greyhello because she inspired me to write this meta in the first place and while it is now ... no longer about that original topic, I’m still gonna tag her)

#buck meta #eddie met #911 meta #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck #buddie #911 #911 fox #mine #textpost #season 2 #buddie meta #meta #my meta

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erin-bo-berin · 5 years

Text

Faith (Part 2)

If you haven’t read part 1, called Hope, you can read it here

The final part to Hope is here! This is insanely long, the longest I’ve written yet. Not gonna lie I’m really glad I split it into two parts because all together it would’ve been nearly 13k words. Anyway, in this part you’re gonna get some Spencer POV, daddy Spencer (I might have gotten carried away with the cuteness, I apologize in advance) and some smut. Also I might’ve gotten carried away with that part as well, you’ve been warned. Quick fun fact: The Lonesome Bunny was an actual story I wrote in 5th grade that won in a competition. You’ll see that I’m referring to later on in the fic. Enjoy!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Word Count: 8,407

Rated: M (Smut)

So much can happen in a week.

Emily had gotten Spencer a great lawyer; one who happened to be a friend of hers. She reassured you that he was in good hands. Even that reassurance did nothing for the constant state of anxiety that twisted your stomach.

The next step was going to be his hearing. Rossi was already ready to post his bail and get him out of jail while he waited for his trial. The whole team had a moment to breathe, thinking that this next step would be a break in luck.

None of them saw what was coming. You, most of all.

After the shocking result of Spencer’s bail being denied, everyone had to face the fact that he was going to be sitting in a prison cell while awaiting trial. Emily and the rest of the team promised to work their hardest to get him out of there. You believed them, of course you did. But no one prepared you for how it would affect not only you, but your daughter as well.

“Daddy bye bye?”

You ran a hand over her hair, trying to smooth the loose curls before kissing her head.

“Daddy will be back soon.”

You weren’t sure if you were saying the words to comfort Abbie or yourself. Her wails and cries still rang in your ears, the haunting sound breaking your heart a little more each time you remembered them. She was too young to understand what was going on, but it was clear she knew something was wrong. You knew she could sense your stress, your despair.

She laid her head on your shoulder, eyes growing heavy. JJ had just gotten back from taking the boys and Abbie to see Diana. You passed on this initial trip, afraid your emotional state might upset her since she hadn’t any idea what had happened. Even though Diana didn’t understand what was going on in her own ways, you were glad the kids were able to lift her spirits.

Abbie whimpered, fighting sleep, rubbing her fists into her eyes.

“Hey, why don’t I take her and give you a little break?” Penelope said, reaching out to take her.

“Besides I always love some auntie Penelope time,” she grins, rubbing your shoulder, concern showing on her face. “We’re going to get him out of there okay?”

You nod, giving a small smile. She’d given you a visiting schedule she’d made, listing the order of her, you and the team could visit him. You were up second after her because since she’d made the chart, she got to go first—her words. It gave you a small comfort to know you’d be able to see him soon.

•

“What do you mean I’m not on the approved visitor list?!” you exclaimed.

“Spencer made his list of visitors…” Emily trailed off, “And you weren’t on it.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“I don’t know, Y/N,” she said, clearly feeling as helpless as you currently felt.

“So what does he want me to do? Sit at home, take care of Abbie and twiddle my thumbs?!”

You knew this entire situation was crazy. Spencer was going through a lot, the team was going through a lot, but yet your anger came. The only reason it came was to mask the hurt you felt. It was like a punch to the gut when you realized he didn’t even want to see you. With no reason or explanation why. You could get past the personal hurt even if he just wanted you to visit to talk about Abbie. After all, you were only his co-parent.

“I wish I knew what to tell you, Y/N. I can’t begin to imagine what’s going through his head right now.”

“I know, I know.” You rubbed your temples, the beginnings of a headache starting to pound behind your eyes.

“I just wish I could do something. At least you guys are able to work on his case to help and free him. I can’t even do that.”

You swallow, tears once again blurring your vision. You’d tried so hard not to cry in front of Abbie but now it was beginning to catch up to you.

“You’re doing something very important, Y/N.” Emily wrapped her arms around you and hugged you tight.

“Yeah? What’s that?” you mumbled into her shoulder.

She pulls away from you, holding you at arms length with her hands on your shoulders.

“Taking care of that little girl.” She points in the direction of her office window. You look out into the bullpen and Henry sitting at his mom’s desk with Abbie in his lap, both of them coloring.

“You’re taking the absolute best care of her until we can get Spencer out. I know it puts him at ease to know she isn’t alone.”

“How is he?” you asked, knowing she’d been to see him recently.

“Alright for now, he’s gotten some sleep. He was mainly concerned about Abbie and his mom. He didn’t say it, but I could tell her reaction just about broke him.”

“JJ said she cried herself to sleep,” you sighed, wanting nothing more than to scoop your baby up and hold her, to protect her.

“How’s she doing now?”

“Okay, I suppose. She’s been really fussy and clingy ever since it happened, I’m surprised she’s gone to anyone here so well. At home, she won’t even let me out of her sight. She keeps asking about daddy, too.”

“She’s a tough girl. She gets that after both of you.”

“I wish I felt as strong as you think I am.”

“MA MA!” You heard an excited shriek, all the way from the office.

“Yeah, she’s definitely Reid’s kid,” Emily commented.

You shake your head, exasperated, walking out of the office to head down to the bullpen.

“What baby?” you called, descending down the steps.

She’d gotten down from Henry’s lap and was toddling in your direction, a piece of paper in one hand, a crayon gripped in her other.

“Ook!” She held out the paper in your direction and you took it, picking her up in the process.

“It’s beautiful, baby girl,” you smile, looking at the scribbles on the page.

“We’re making pictures for Uncle Spencer,” Henry said, looking up from his own picture.

“I told the kids that they could draw pictures and I’d take them to show him when I go to visit him,” JJ said, “I remember you said that she loves to color and I thought I could take hers as well.”

You smiled, “He’ll like that.”

Looking around at all the lengths his team was going to, to help him made you realize just how much of a family the group was. You could feel their love for him, their determination to work their asses off to free him.

Suddenly, it felt like things might actually turn out okay.

•

38 days.

He’d been keeping track of the days with notches in the wall.

He’d been in prison for 38 days.

In that time Spencer had been jumped by a group of prisoners wanting to attack him since he was fresh meat. He was moved to a private cell. There he encountered even more problems. He was pressured to help move drugs within the prison which he time and time again refused to do. He befriended another prisoner in hopes of keeping him from being attacked only that effort resulted in him being beaten up instead.

The days were long and stretched out. He could feel his sanity slipping a bit more every day. Prison really was a place of desperation. The unthinkable happened inside these four walls.

He missed the team so much. He missed his mom. He missed his little girl. He missed Y/N.

The last time Emily had been to visit him she’d told him only what he expected; Y/N was bewildered, hurt and angry at his decision. He hadn’t said much on the topic. He did what he had to do.

Today’s visitor was JJ. He hadn’t seen her for a few weeks. Apparently there was a whole schedule for visiting him. He was so happy to finally see a familiar face again. It had seemed like weeks since he’d seen any of his friends when in reality—by his makeshift calendar—it had only been 6 days.

“Hey, how are you?” JJ asked, concern brightening her eyes.

“Okay, I guess. Just trying to survive here,” Spencer said.

Her brows furrowed and he knew what was coming next.

“You’re hurt. What happened?”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. Why aren’t you working on a case?”

“Actually I stayed behind so I could visit you,” she answered.

“You shouldn’t have. You should’ve gone.”

“No. I should be here. You’re not alone in this Spence.”

He nodded, watching her through the glass that separated the two of them as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a few papers.

“Henry drew this for you. See that’s you and that’s him. It’s from that day we went to the park.”

“Tell him it’s beautiful,” he could hear his own voice cracking, “Tell him I love it.”

JJ smiled, folding it again.

“I will.”

She opened another picture, showing scribbles, a heart and what appeared to be stick figures.

“Michael drew this one. He said he thought you needed lots of love while you were away on vacation and that he misses you.”

That brought a slight smile to his face. His youngest godson had quite the imagination and at only 3 had thought up that Spencer was away on vacation. His heart ached with how much he missed them. He watched JJ once again reach for another piece of paper.

“Another drawing?” He laughed dryly.

“I thought you might like to see this one too,” she said softly, “Abbie did this one for you.”

There was nothing but colorful scribbles on the page, the complete normal for an 18-month-old. But this was different because it was made by HIS 18-month-old. His little girl.

Of course he believed in his team that they’d get him out of here and catch Mr. Scratch—the asshole that put him here—but it was truly his baby girl that helped him go on. Abbie gave him faith. He had to have faith that he would get out of here and not give up. If he gave up, she might grow up without a father and he knew from firsthand experience that was the last thing he wanted for his child.

“She’s very artistic.” He tried to laugh, but it came out more of a dry, raspy sound.

“That she is,” JJ smiled.

“How is she?” Spencer whispered.

“Abbie? Or Y/N.”

“You know I mean Abbie.”

“Spence...why don’t you just reconsider your decision. Please?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? She’s worried about you. She wants to see you too.”

“Jennifer. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“But Spen-”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it okay?” he snapped.

Her words died mid-sentence and she went quiet.

“I’m sorry JJ,” he ran his hands through his hair, then rubbed his eyes, “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“Have you been sleeping?” JJ’s concerned tone reappeared again.

“Not much.”

“I’m worried about you. We all are. I know this hasn’t been easy on you at all.”

“I can’t even explain it fully, JJ. There’s a sort of helplessness in here that causes people to do things they normally wouldn’t do.”

She seemed to be a loss of words. He didn’t say it to scare her or cause her worry, it was just the truth.

The alarm sounded, signaling that visitation time was up.

“Spencer.”

He looked back at her as he stood to leave.

“Please be careful okay? Keep your head down, don’t attract any unwanted attention.”

He nodded in response.

The hand of a security guard grabbed his arm, escorting him back to his cell. Every step took him back towards his own personal hell and away from the life he once so naively took advantage of.

•

Things didn't turn out okay. Bad news suddenly became the soup du jour.

Every time Emily or JJ, Rossi or Garcia gave you an update your outlook just became bleaker and bleaker. It was affecting everything in your life.

You’d cut the number of the interior jobs you normally did in half, not having the motivation nor the time to complete them. Soon you ended up taking a leave of absence. Fortunately, with the past financial aid of Spencer, you could afford to leave work. Your mood was affecting Abbie more and more, her often crying and wanting her daddy. Most days you felt like crying along with her.

You hated being in the dark. Technically you did get updates about what was happening, but you hadn’t seen him in 3 months. That night at the BAU when he was brought home had been the last time you’d been in his presence. Your anger at him for refusing to see you had faded leaving you feeling drained. You could only imagine how the team felt when they were the one trying their hardest to find Mr. Scratch.

In the last month, Spencer had witnessed his friend die, potentially poisoned and killed some drug dealers—you didn’t ask for specifics on that one—been beaten up pretty badly and stabbed himself to get into protective custody. You had no idea how the hell he’d survived all of this, but he had.

Many of your days were spent at the BAU now. When the group wasn’t off working on other cases they were required to give their attention to, you were at Quantico. How different it was spending so much time in the unit in comparison to 3 years ago. Then, you couldn’t stay long enough. Now, all you wanted was to be anywhere else.

You were seated on the couch in Emily’s office, attempting to keep Abbie preoccupied with a few toys. That was about all you could do now was to keep her attention elsewhere before she became irreconcilable once again.

You were making her favorite bunny plushie kiss her repeatedly causing her to giggle when the door busted open and in ran Penelope.

“Y/N, Y/N! We got him!”

You were so startled by the sudden entrance that you didn’t understand what she was talking about.

“Who?”

“Mr. Scratch. He’s been caught and he confessed to everything. Framing Reid and all of it. Me and JJ are heading to the prison to get him. You’re coming with. Not a question, an order.”

You nod, dazed at the amount of information slung at you and picked up Abbie and her bunny, following behind the tech as fast as you could.

Twenty minutes later, you were waiting outside the prison with Garcia while JJ went to take care of all the legal proceedings that came with freeing Spencer.

You were just picking up Abbie’s bunny that she had purposely dropped on the ground when Garcia spoke.

“Hey, Abbie.”

She turned towards Garcia’s voice.

“Look over there sweet girl. Look who it is,” she pointed ahead.

Abbie looked over just in time to see JJ and Spencer coming out of the front doors. The moment she saw him, she was in action, trying to squirm out of your arms.

You set her down and she went running as fast as her little legs could in his direction, her bunny still in her hand.

“DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!” She shrieked as she ran.

He scooped her up in one swift movement, hugging her close.

“I’ve missed my Abbie-bear.”

He tapped her nose making her scrunch it in response.

“How’s my baby girl?” he asked, pushing her hair back from her forehead and kissing her head.

She babbled in response, holding out her bunny to him, clearly happy to be in his arms again. He kissed the bunny’s nose, then Abbie’s. He did it again only this time playfully attacked her with kisses, making her squeal and giggle.

“Hey, you.” Penelope had gone over to hug him tight while you and JJ stood back.

“You know I always knew he would be a great father, but seeing it in action is even more heartwarming. He’s so great with her,” she said.

“He is,” you agreed.

“He cares about her a lot you know. But not only her.”

JJ gave you a sidelong glance before going to join them, leaving you to puzzle out what her cryptic comment could mean.

•

The aftermath was hectic when you returned to the Bureau. With everyone hugging Spencer and talking to him about the details of Scratch’s capture, you naturally just fell towards the back of the flurry of activity. You noticed the entire time he didn’t let go of Abbie even though she was now sound asleep on his shoulder, her bunny positioned underneath one of her arms and his chest.

You thought you’d heard Rossi say he was going to get some champagne when Spencer finally approached you. Things had never been awkward for the two of you, but they sure felt it now.

“Hey.”

He leaned against the desktop next to where you sat.

“Hey.”

“She’s out cold,” he motioned to Abbie with his head.

“I noticed. She missed her nap today and has been fighting sleep.”

“Poor thing.” He rubbed her back and she stirred slightly, repositioning herself before going back to sleep.

“So, I was actually wondering,” he began, “Would it be okay if I spent some time with her? I’ve just missed her so much. I feel like she’s gotten so big since I last saw her.”

“Sure. That’s fine. I can get you her diaper bag and some things if you want to keep her for the weekend.”

“Actually I meant like the three of us together. If you want to come to my place or...I just mean I feel like we have some things we need to talk about.”

“Well most of her things are at my place,” you said, purposely ignoring the last part of his comment, “So I guess that would be easier and you can spend as much time as you want with her. You know you’re always welcome to.”

“I’m not sure when or if I’ll be able to come back,” he said quietly, “A lot has happened.”

“Yeah. A lot has.”

You could feel the weight of the last months weighing heavily not just on him, but on you two. Things had worked so smoothly between you both up until this point that you couldn’t help but wonder if this would be too much strain. Some things you just can’t come back from.

Emily noticed the last time she’d visited, just how much prison had changed him. He was suffering from bad PTSS—post-traumatic stress syndrome. He was having nightmares, not sleeping, constantly battling the demons of what he’d had to face in those short months. Emily never said as much, but you knew how close he’d come to death by the hands of the inmates.

Everyone was mentally and emotionally exhausted. They’d all been granted six weeks off work to rest, Spencer especially. He’d have to see a therapist as well and retest before he could even be considered for reinstatement.

“Emily thought it would be best if I wasn’t alone for now.”

“That’d be wise,” you agreed.

“She suggested I stay with you…” he trailed off nervously.

You were caught off guard and found yourself staring at him, most likely resembling a deer in headlights.

“I mean she just thought being around Abbie would help me a lot and you...”

You had no idea what he was going to say and unfortunately, he didn’t finish his sentence. You couldn’t possibly turn him away at a time like this, even if you desperately didn’t want to have to deal with your complicated feelings about him.

“Uh yeah. That’s fine. She’ll love having you around more.”

The two of you had never shared a living space for more than one night. There was no telling what the next six weeks would bring.

•

The first month was rough. Not only for him but for you as well.

Spencer would often wake in the middle of the night screaming from nightmares, resulting in waking Abbie. He felt so bad about it he’d often force you to go back to bed and sit up with Abbie until she fell asleep again.

One night, you’d been on the way back from the bathroom when you heard the soft rise and fall of his voice. Peeking into the nursery, you saw Spencer in the rocking chair with Abbie in his lap, a book opened in front of them.

When he turned the page, you caught a glimpse of the cover: The Lonesome Bunny, one of Abbie’s favorite books.

“The little bunny was so sad before,” Spencer frowned, pointing to a picture on the page.

Abbie cooed in response, looking up at him as he read.

“But now he was happy, knowing he was loved by all his friends. The end.”

Spencer closed the book and Abbie immediately reached forward and opened it again.

“No.”

“You want me to read it again?” Spencer asked, chuckling when she nodded.

“Princess, I’ve read it to you twice already.”

“No.” Her hands tried to turn the pages back to the beginning.

“Oh, alright. Once more and then it’s time to go back to sleep okay?” He kissed her cheek then turned back to the first page.

“There once was a little bunny, a lonesome little bunny.”

You smiled at the memory, staring up at the ceiling of your bedroom as you lay in bed, procrastinating getting up to start your day. It was a luxury you weren’t used to. Having Spencer around had been great because the help with Abbie was nice. He seemed to be getting better too. He still suffered from his demons and the nightmares still happened but not nightly like they once did.

It now had been 5 months since he was released. Things were seeming to finally get better. Spencer was reinstated—with a rule that every 100 days he worked in the field, he had to take 30 days off. He was initially disappointed at the decision, feeling like it wasn’t a full reinstatement. Emily reassured him it was for him to recharge mentally and physically and most importantly to spend time with his family. Now, he’d taken it in stride and loved the extra daddy-daughter time; Abbie was happy as she could be. The only thing that hadn’t changed in the least bit was the tension in your relationship with Spencer.

You got along alright, you just never talked about what had happened. Prison or his downright objection to seeing you was never spoken of. Of cours,e you were there to help him through his trauma, but you avoided any and every conversation having to do with the two of you. If it had to do with Abbie or any other subject, you could talk to him for hours. You just didn’t have the energy to unravel your feelings, nor get his no relationship wanted reply.

Yesterday was the beginning of his first 30 day stint of time off. Spencer being Spencer, he treated you and Abbie to a day at the zoo, anxious to teach her all about the animals.

“Just wait until she’s old enough to really understand and retain what she’s learning. She’s going to have a vast knowledge of things just because of you,” you’d said, smiling while he helped Abbie feed a giraffe.

He turned towards you, squinting against the sun and smiled big.

“I want only the best for my little girl,” he had responded.

His smile was as bright as the sun, his eyes glinting from the happiness he obviously felt. A light breeze floated through the air, rustling the waves and curls of his hair ever so slightly. Your heart fluttered and it was at that moment you knew you could no longer deny the fact that you were in love with him.

Emily had been telling you the same thing for months, telling you that you had to admit it sooner or later because the moment of truth would hit you eventually. The moment of truth had finally come.

You were in love with the Halloween loving, chopstick hating, kickass profiler, amazing father, 187 IQ’d pretty boy that was Spencer Reid; and you were finally ready to tell him.

•

You glanced at the clock and were surprised to see it was already 9:30. You hadn’t stayed in bed that long since before Abbie had been born.

Noises from the kitchen pulled you out of your bed. You padded down the hallway, smiling when you heard Abbie’s babbling.

“What’s going on?” you asked.

You walk into the kitchen and see Spencer at the stove, Abbie’s high chair pulled up to the cabinet near him.

“Wel,l Abbie-bear here wanted to help daddy fix breakfast. Isn’t that right sweetheart?”

You look over and see your child sitting in her high chair with chocolate smeared all over her face and hands, grinning big.

“Technically she was supposed to be adding the chocolate chips to the pancake batter, but she decided to eat the handful instead,” he chuckled.

“It’s the thought that counts right?” you laughed, grabbing a baby wipe from the pack on the counter.

You clean her face and hands as best as you can with her trying to squirm away from the wet cloth.

“You’re silly aren’t you?” you smile, handing her a fresh cup of juice.

“No,” she giggled in response.

“You didn’t have to make breakfast Spencer.”

He shrugged.

“I wanted to. I figure since I kinda live here at the moment I can at least help you out.”

He added another finished pancake to the growing plate of pancakes then poured the last remaining pancake batter to make a tiny one.

“This one is especially for you Abbie because it’s just your size, see?”

He stepped aside, letting her see the small pancake on the griddle. She smiled around the spout of her sippy cup as she drank her apple juice.

“Thank you for making breakfast.”

You stood on your tiptoes and quickly kissed his cheek, a simple act of gratitude. At least you hoped that’s what it conveyed. You’d turned to grab a mug for some coffee and when you faced him again you saw he was staring at you.

“What?” you asked, suddenly self-conscious that you were in ratty old pajamas and your hair probably standing up in numerous directions.

The spell seemed to be broken when you spoke. He scrunched his nose in the cute little way he always did, turning back to the stove.

“Nothing, nothing.”

Ten minutes later the three of you were at the table pigging out on pancakes. You tore Abbie’s pancake into smaller pieces and she was currently grabbing them with both hands, managing to get more on her than actually in her.

“Did you always want kids?” Spencer asked, watching you hand her a small piece of your bacon.

“That’s a random question,” you chuckled, picking up your fork again.

He shrugged a shoulder.

“Just curious.”

“Yeah, I always knew I wanted kids one day,” you answered.

“But not at 24, right?”

You winced, thinking of how in shock you were when you found out you were pregnant. You were 23 almost 24 when you’d initially met Spencer. He’d been 34 even though he easily passed for your age. You really understood what it meant that age didn’t matter. He was nearly 11 years older than you, but a majority of the time you didn’t even remember.

“I mean I don’t blame you. When I was 24, I was only in my second year of working at the BAU. Kids were absolutely the last thing on my mind,” he said.

“It’s not that. I was just scared knowing that from that point on I was responsible for this tiny, fragile little human that would depend on me for the rest of my life. It was even scarier to think just how much she needed me, even during pregnancy. But I wouldn’t change having her for anything. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“She definitely is amazing, isn’t she?”

Abbie reached out towards him, a piece of pancake in her fingers.

“Daddy.”

He leaned towards her and took the bite in his mouth in which she smiled happily.

“Thank you baby girl.”

She started fussing, reaching for him, wanting out of her high chair.

“What about you? Did you never want kids or something?”

He lifted the tray off and unfastened her from the chair, taking her in his lap.

“I didn’t say that,” he said matter of factly, but not in a mean tone, “I just said at 24 I wasn’t thinking about kids.”

“Okay, so what changed your mind then?” You took another bite of pancake and chewed, waiting for his answer.

“I don’t know. It was different things. Encountering kids at work, being the godfather to Michael and Henry. I always loved kids. I just didn’t think it was going to happen for me because work kept me so busy. Then one day I realized I’m 36 and I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids. Then this little munchkin came about unexpectedly,” he said, tickling her tummy.

“I never knew if it would be a reality for me, but I’ve imagined having a big family before. Big house, lots of kids and toys everywhere, it just seemed nice and completely different from my childhood. I mean it was just me and my parents. Then my dad left and it was my mom and me. I just figured maybe having a big family of my own would fill that loneliness I felt as a kid, you know?”

“That’s sweet,” you smiled, “I understand what you’re saying. Who knows though? Maybe you still will. How many kids are there in your imagined future?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe 5 or 6.”

You almost choked on your coffee.

“You poor future wife,” you sputtered.

“I don’t know, I have a feeling she’ll be the type to be cut out for half a dozen kids.”

There’s a small smile on his lips as he feeds another piece to an open-mouthed Abbie. He doesn’t look up to catch your questioning look though.

“These pancakes are amazing by the way.”

You’d just finished up your third and Abbie was still shoveling hers in.

“I think she agrees.”

“Well thank you,” he grinned.

Spencer hands Abbie to you and you take her, cleaning her face.

“What’s on today’s agenda?” you ask, pulling her hands away from the coffee mug she was trying to grab.

“Actually, JJ is taking Abbie today.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, the boys have missed her and have been begging to see her again. I also think it’s time to finally talk about what we’ve been tiptoeing around for months, Y/N.”

You felt yourself stiffen. Sure, you may have just decided the day before that you wanted to finally confess your feelings to him, but you didn’t want to have to deal with all the other things. Unfortunately for you, it went hand in hand and you knew he was right.

“Y/N, please. I know you’re still upset about things that happened when I was in prison. But you do know we need to talk about them eventually.”

“I know,” you whispered; the buried feelings from those horrible months coming to the surface again.

“Let’s go get her dressed. JJ should be here by 10.”

Spencer took her from you, setting her down on her feet.

“How about a race, pumpkin? I’ll race you to your room.”

Abbie shrieked, taking off on her little legs, Spencer behind her, pretending to be way behind.

“She’s off to a wonderful start, look at that form as she runs!” Spencer’s voice came from the hall as if he were narrating an actual race, “Oh no, she’s beating me! She’s rounding the corner! She’s at the last stretch of the mile! IT’S OFFICIAL! Abrielle Jade Reid is the winner!”

You hear squealing and her giggles ascend in what you assume is caused by Spencer picking her up.

You stare at the place where he was sitting minutes before, remembering something Emily had told you days earlier.

“Abbie may be almost 2, but she has faith in you and Spencer every single day. She may not know what it is, but as her parents, she quite literally trusts you with her life. So why can’t you have that kind of faith in Spencer?”

•

An hour later it’s just you and Spencer left in the house. You weren’t proud to say that you had hidden out in your bedroom while he was assisting JJ with Abbie’s car seat outside, your attempt at prolonging the start of the conversation.

You heard the front door close and his footsteps getting closer to your room. You sat your phone aside when he walked in and sat up against the pillows.

“I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen. Okay?”

It wasn’t often that you heard Spencer sound so stern, the steely tone of his voice unfamiliar. But you currently felt like a student in the principal’s office about to face punishment. He didn’t wait for you to answer before he continued.

“I’m going to tell you about what happened to me in prison.” His voice was gentler now, but you saw by his face that he was serious.

“Spencer-”

His hard look silenced you.

“I want to do this. I can’t tell you why I chose not to see you until I tell you this.”

So he told you.

And you listened.

He told you about the fear he constantly lived with of being discovered as a fed, while in prison. He told you how he tried to help another inmate that was being targeted which only ended up in himself being beaten up and later, the same friend being murdered in front of him. How an inmate he mistook as a friend was actually the most dangerous prisoner there; he controlled everything and everyone and tried his hardest to control Spencer too. How his mind seemed to adapt to the line of thinking of the others. It was either do what you have to do or get killed. He explained that he did something terrible, something that he would’ve never imagined he’d ever do but was forced to do it to spare his own life. He confessed how much it scared him, that prison had turned him into a monster. He told you how painful it was reliving the events as he worked to heal in therapy. He indeed told you everything.

It hurt like hell hearing every detail, each of his words etched with pain and bad memories. He didn’t continue for a few quiet minutes after he finished recounting everything. His eyes were closed, as if trying to erase the pain of the old wounds freshly opened. You reached out towards him, putting your hand on top of his. When he opened his eyes, he looked down at your hand over his.

Without a word, he turned his hand in yours until your fingers laced through his perfectly.

“The team is used to seeing things like this. Even though it was me in there, one of their own, they knew to expect the worst. They see bad things every day. But I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t let you see me like that. It would have completely broken you.”

He paused, swallowing hard before continuing.

“My job is to see horrible things and look how prison impacted me. How do you think I’d feel knowing I was responsible for putting you through so much pain? It was never about not wanting to see you. It was about protecting you, about keeping you oblivious to the true horrors of what it’s like in there. I was so afraid you wouldn’t be able to handle it. All I wanted to do was protect you and Abbie.”

You didn’t know exactly when you’d began crying, but now you felt the tears streaming quickly down your face. Months of pent up emotions came pouring out of you all at once.

“All I wanted to do was to see you! I wasn’t able to do anything to help you and then I’m told I couldn’t even see you? I had never felt so helpless.”

“Please don’t cry.”

He moved to where he could sit closer to you, concern etching his features. Pulling his hand out of yours, he put a hand on your face, wiping your tears.

“It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. Please believe me.”

“I know. I believe you.”

Your faces were mere inches apart by now and his eyes searched your face, repeatedly glancing down at your lips. All it would take was a hair of movement and your lips would be connected. You felt the tempting pull, wanting to kiss him badly, yet you stayed still, the moment seeming to stretch on.

“We can’t,” you whispered.

He was so close, you felt the breath of his words against your lips.

“Why not?”

He made the final move and kissed you. You didn’t fight it anymore. It was like having a drink of water after suffering from an agonizing thirst. His lips felt familiar, they were familiar but it’d been an awfully long time since you felt them against yours.

Your lips moved with his, parting every few kisses before reconnecting them to his. It was slow, sensual and full of love. All of your love for him was poured into the kiss, but you knew that was just your take on it. For you, this right now felt like coming home.

He inched you backwards until you were pressed up against your pillows once again with him hovering over you, his mouth not leaving yours once.

“I swear I didn’t intend to start something like this,” he murmured against your lips, between kisses.

“Not,” you paused as he kissed you again, “Complaining.”

Your hands moved over his chest and up his shoulders until your arms were wrapped around his neck. He was intoxicating and you were taking in as much of him as you could before this ended once again.

He pushed your pillows off the bed towards the floor, laying you flat against the bed. Though every time you’d been together hadn’t been fast and rough, you’d never taken it this slow with him before. The slow, intense kiss came to a standstill when he gently raked his teeth over your bottom lip before pulling away from you.

With his hands on your hips, he pushed them upwards, taking the bottom of your shirt up as well.

“Wait,” you grabbed his wrist, looking up at him.

“A-Are you sure you want to?” you asked hesitantly, not entirely confident his head was in the right place for something like this.

“I’m fine, Y/N. I’m positive.”

You raised your arms as he pulled the shirt over your head.

“Besides,” he paused to unbutton his shirt, “I want to take my time with you.”

You bit your lip, his words sending a warm flush all throughout your body. You helped him remove his shirt and pants at the same time because suddenly all you wanted was to feel his body against yours. After a lackadaisical kiss he began his descent downwards.

His lips moved down your chest with soft kisses, a trail of them placed just above the cups of your bra. He reached behind you to unfasten it, slowly pulling each strap down your shoulder, his mouth following closely behind his hands.

He kissed each shoulder, your collar bones and breasts, his tongue softly flicking over both nipples in turn. You gasped, feeling goosebumps prickle your arms. His sloth like pace was both thrilling and agonizing at the same time.

More followed down your belly, his fingers gently brushing the few stubborn stretch marks pregnancy had left behind. He paused briefly at your hip, sucking on it then running his tongue over the small bruise he’d created there.

“Mmm,” you hummed as he pushed your legs apart gently, clearly anticipating his next move.

Surprising you, he didn’t do what you thought he would. His lips brushed the top of your underwear, half on your skin, half on the fabric.

“Spence,” you moaned softly wanting more than what he was giving.

“I love it when you call me that,” he said, voice thick with desire.

He licked his lips, looking up at you, eyes locked on yours as he pulled the silky item off you, hands trailing down your thighs, then back up. His gaze lingered on yours a beat longer, the intensity of it taking your breath away. You were the absolute center of his attention and he was relishing every bit of you. He was known to drive you crazy, but this was on a whole new level. There was something more intimate, more sensual about this that made you feel even more vulnerable in his presence.

His kisses traveled your thighs next, moving dangerously close to the area you were wanting him most. Just when you thought his next movement would be his mouth on your core, he would move in the opposite direction, much to your dismay.

Back again he went, mouth moving in the right direction and-

“Oh my god,” you moaned, not even able to finish your previous thought.

The sly devil had distracted you just enough so that you weren’t expecting when his finger slid inside you, rubbing against you deliciously. If you thought that was mind-blowing enough, you almost lost your shit when his tongue met your clit before sucking gently.

You weren’t entirely sure if it was because it had been a long, long time since you’d had any sexual escapades or if it was just Spencer in general, but all coherent thought left your mind the longer he worked you.

Your hand grips his hair, your breath coming in rapid pants signaling your oncoming release.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck Spencer!” you half gasped, half moaned as your climax hit you, robbing you of your breath for a few seconds.

When you opened your eyes again, he was hovering over you, a small smirk on his face.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you chuckled.

He hummed, “I’m not done yet sweetheart.”

Sometime during your current shared kiss, his boxers were removed and he pushed into you. He moaned into your mouth, his tongue twirling with yours.

His tantalizing movements made you able to feel every bit of him as he moved in and out of you repeatedly. Your earlier wish was granted as now your bodies were pressed against one another, moving as one.

“Feels incr-” he groaned mid-sentence.

“Incredible,” he breathed.

You couldn’t argue that. Somehow all the other times didn’t hold a candle to right now.

Your hands gripped his biceps, giving in and begging him to pick up his pace. His hands hooked behind your thighs pulling you closer at the exact moment as a thrust of his hips causing you both to moan. His forehead fell against yours as your hips rocked to the new rhythm.

“You okay?” he whispered, watching you.

“God, yes,” you half laughed, half moaned.

His hands hadn’t stayed still the entire time, moving from one place to another, his touch gentle as if he were touching fine china. Whether they were stroking your hips, splayed across your stomach or resting on the side of your neck as he kissed you deeply your whole body automatically responded to his touch without you realizing it.

Fire filled your veins and your body easily arched into his, more than ready to let that fire consume your senses. Your body inadvertently clenched around him and a growl came from deep within his throat, his teeth scraping over his bottom lip.

You’d often seen his face of concentration, the creased brow and the tip of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. That was the same expression he wore now, determined to shatter you for a second time. You couldn’t even begin to process how the hell it was adorable and sexy at the same time.

The two of your movements become more hurried and erratic, the air hot with pants and moans. His fingers dig into your sides as his orgasm hit him.

“Oh god I love you,” Spencer moans into your neck as he succumbs to his high, your name falling from his lips.

Your breathing is suddenly heavier and not solely because of your own building climax, but because of his words. You don’t have a moment nor a clear head to think about what was just said as you’re a whimpering and writhing mess underneath him, the heavy knot in your stomach coiling tighter and tighter. You feel yourself coming apart at the seams, as if all your nerve endings are ready to burst into oblivion.

Spencer knows you well because within a short time of his own release he sends you falling into an abyss of ecstasy, caressing you and kissing you anywhere and everywhere he can, the entire time. You’re pretty sure it takes you a few minutes to breathe properly again.

Afterwards, he gently nudges your cheek with his nose and you turn to face him, kissing him softly once again. You can’t possibly wrap your head around what had just happened. It wasn’t normal sex like you used to have with him. This was tender, passionate, but hot. Probably the hottest you’d had. Then you remembered what he’d said.

Was it sincere or was it just in the heat of the moment?

•

Both of you lay quietly for a while; so long you’re almost sure that Spencer fell asleep.

“I have to tell you something,” you finally said, halfway hoping he was already asleep.

“Hmm?” he asked, looking over at you.

“Before I tell you, I just want you to know that I appreciate what you did for me and Abbie even though I didn’t show it at the time. I’m grateful that you told me all you did earlier and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I don’t know what I’d have done if-”

“Y/N, you’re rambling,” he chuckled, aware he’s guilty of the same thing at times too.

“Right. Well, I wanted to tell you I love you. Actually, I’m in love with you. I had to tell you because I just realized that I can’t deny it anymore and even though you probably don’t feel the same way, you deserve to know.”

He’d been watching you intently the entire time you’d been speaking. He licked his lips before responding.

“I meant it, you know.”

You looked over as he rolled over on his side and rested his head in his hand. You were confused as that wasn’t the immediate reaction you’d expected.

“Meant what?”

“That I love you. I saw your face when I said it.”

“My face?”

“Y/N, I’m not a profiler for nothing. You were freaking out because I said it.”

“Yes, but not for the reason you think.”

“Then why?” he asked.

“I didn’t know if you actually meant it or if it was just you know, the sex making you talk.”

“Well, I did mean it. I’ve been in love with you for a while, you know.”

You laugh incredulously, unable to believe that all this time he’d actually felt the same way as you.

“You have? Since when?”

“I’m not sure when exactly. It just kinda hit me one day that you were the one person I couldn’t get off my mind, the one who knows me better than most. I just didn’t know how or if to say it. It kind of slipped out accidentally earlier.”

“I just assumed it was because of the sex,” you chuckled.

“Oh believe me, the sex will definitely make me say it as well. Repeatedly.”

His lips twisted into a smirk as his hand glides over your stomach, pulling you close for a kiss.

“I love you.” He paused for a kiss.

“I love you,” Another kiss followed.

“I love you.” A third.

He retreated, laying back next to you.

“I can’t thank you for all that you’ve done for me these last few months. I wouldn’t have been able to get better without you by my side.”

You smiled, happy to see some of the old Spencer you knew and loved peeking through once again. Prison may have changed him, but he was still Spencer in all the ways that mattered.

“So what does this mean for us then?” you asked, watching his fingers glide lazily over your skin.

“I mean we’ve sort of been a couple for nearly 2 years now, so now it’s just us finally being smart and admitting it,” he smiled, “But if you want me to be official, I want you to be mine. My only girl. Well, besides Abbie. Can’t forget her.”

“No, definitely can’t forget her.”

“I want to be a family. If that’s okay with you, that is.” He added the last part hesitantly.

You put your hand over his, stopping his motions then twining your fingers with his.

“That’s more than okay with me,” you smiled up at him.

Maybe good things had come from all the bad.

You lay in a comfortable silence after that, simply enjoying each other’s company. It was Spencer who spoke next.

“You know what got me through the long days in prison?” he asked.

You shook your head, “No, what?”

“I thought about Abbie a lot of course. I had faith I would see her again. Also, I had faith in the BAU, I knew the team would do their jobs and work their asses off to get me out of there. But that’s not all.”

“At the end of the day, after all my misfortune, I knew faith would lead me back to my family.”

Tags: @wefracturedmotivation @rt8815 @pastanest

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #dr spencer reid fic #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid gifs #spencer reid smut #Criminal Minds #criminal minds gifs #criminal minds fic #criminal minds smut

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bookishlyjules · 3 years

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2021 Anticipated Releases - The Books I Currently NEED In My Life!

I’ve never actually done a TBR check, or waiting on list, but these 2021 releases made me think long and hard about how I need to be sharing my excitement for them to come into the world!

1. You Have a Match - Emma Lord

By NO surprise at all, the first book I’m excited for is Emma Lord’s second title YOU HAVE A MATCH! I absolutely loved Tweet Cute (and still claim to be it’s number 1 fan) so knowing Emma is coming out with another title made me shake from excitement!

“A new love, a secret sister, and a summer she'll never forget. When Abby signs up for a DNA service, it’s mainly to give her friend and secret love interest, Leo, a nudge. After all, she knows who she is already: Avid photographer. Injury-prone tree climber. Best friend to Leo and Connie…although ever since the B.E.I. (Big Embarrassing Incident) with Leo, things have been awkward on that front. But she didn’t know she’s a younger sister.”

Edit: I wrote this list without posting it and I have since read YOU HAVE A MATCH and it met all of my expectations and MORE! And lucky news for you it’s OUT NOW! (full review coming soon!)

2. We Can’t Keep Meeting Like This - Rachel Lynn Solomon

Another book that should not surprise anyone is Rachel Lynn Solomon’s next YA book, WE CAN’T KEEP MEETING LIKE THIS!

“A wedding harpist disillusioned with love and a hopeless romantic cater-waiter flirt and fight their way through a summer of weddings”

sign me UP!

3. Last Chance Books - Kelsey Rodkey

A first DEBUT on my list is LAST CHANCE BOOKS by Kelsey Rodkey! If you are on Book Twitter this name will sound familiar and we finally get a chance to read something from an up and coming star.

“Don’t you just love the smell of old books in the morning?

Madeline Moore does. Books & Moore, the musty bookstore her family has owned for generations, is where she feels most herself. Nothing is going to stop her from coming back after college to take over the store from her beloved aunt.

Nothing, that is—until a chain bookstore called Prologue opens across the street and threatens to shut them down.

Madeline sets out to demolish the competition, but Jasper, the guy who works over at Prologue, seems intent on ruining her life. Not only is he taking her customers, he has the unbelievable audacity to be… extremely cute.

But that doesn’t matter. Jasper is the enemy and he will be destroyed. After all—all’s fair in love and (book) wars.”

I’m getting such ‘Recommended for You’ vibes and I canNOT wait to dive right in!

4. Hot British Boyfriend - Kristy Boyce

The cover and title were really enough to seal the deal for me needing this book TBH.

“After a horrifying public rejection by her crush, Ellie Nichols does what any girl would do: she flees the country. To be more precise, she joins her high school’s study abroad trip to England. While most of her classmates are there to take honors courses and pad their college applications, Ellie is on a quest to rebuild her reputation and self-confidence. And nothing is more of a confidence booster than getting a hot British boyfriend”

5. Cool for the summer - Dahlia Adler

Bisexual representation and Jewish representation are all I need to scream YES to this book (doesn’t even matter that it comes out the day after my birthday).

Cool for the Summer is a story of self-discovery and new love. It’s about the things we want and the things we need. And it’s about the people who will let us be who we are.

6. The Ex Talk - Rachel Lynn Solomon

I mean she’s already on this list once so I had to put her on it again when I found out she was writing her first Romance being published by Berkley! I adore Rachel and her words and I can’t wait to read her older audience stuff. Her YA stuff is already brilliant so I have no doubt this will be magnificent.

“Shay Goldstein has been a producer at her Seattle public radio station for nearly a decade, and she can't imagine working anywhere else. But lately it's been a constant clash between her and her newest colleague, Dominic Yun, who's fresh off a journalism master's program and convinced he knows everything about public radio...”

7. The Intimacy Experiment - Rosie Danan

This is a follow up to The Roommate which blew my socks off (and many others I’m sure). I’m excited for the Jewish rep and to dive right back into this world!

“Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag named him one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Taking a gamble in an effort to attract more millennials to the faith, the executive board hired Ethan because of his nontraditional background. Unfortunately, his shul is low on both funds and congregants. The board gives him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.”

There are SO MANY more books coming out in 2021 that I know this will either be updated or I’ll have to make a whole other post but these are the books that are on the tip of my tongue and I cannot wait to read them!

#post #tbr #waiting on #waiting on wednesday #anticipated releases #YA literature #yabook

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navalcriminalimagines · 5 years

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What are we? - 2

I’m sorry it took me much time to post the second part, but with work and school, I had hard time to get free time to write! I really hope you’re going to enjoy!! Let me know!! and I’m so happy the first part was all received, I truly appreciate <3

Warning : a bit of sex

Tag : @sammysgirl1997

(From Tim) : You’ve been gone for almost three weeks. Planning on coming back? We miss you.

Right after Gibbs told you to clear your desk, you drove like a mad woman to the building to do what you were told. Thankfully, no matter how drunk you were, you drove safely and weren’t arrested. The thing you hadn’t plan was director Vance still being here. “Agent Y/L/N, what are you doing?” he asked while you were under the desk, getting together the papers you just dropped on the floor. His voice surprised you and you literally knocked yourself on the wood desk and fell on your butt, holding your head. “Night, director,” you simply answered. Vance never saw you drunk but he could tell you were at this very moment. “Y/N, what are you doing?” he repeated. “Just—cleaning my stuff,” you paused. “Gibbs fired me,” the only thing you heard was a small chuckle coming from your director. “Tell me about that,” he sat at the edge of your desk with his arms crossed and you were still sitting on the floor. “I guess it’s just not working anymore,” you sighed, “that’s better this way,” you continued to get the papers, avoiding his gaze. “This kind of decision has to go through me, Y/N. And I say you’re not fired,” “Director, with all due respect—you don’t know everything going on,”

Before saying anything more, Vance bend over to help you and offered his hand to help you get up. “You think I don’t know what you feel for Gibbs? And what he feels for you? You’re underestimating me, Agent Y/L/N. But I really don’t think you leaving NCIS is the solution,” “I don’t want to spend the next ten years like the last. I’m tired of waiting for him,” you started to cry. Vance felt really bad for you. He’s been the director for 7 years, and he saw how much you love Gibbs and everything you’ve done for him. You put your own life away for him. “How about you take some time off first? Give you—and him, some time to think,” he offered, “what do you think?” You nodded.

Almost three weeks later, you were in New Orleans, staying at Dwayne’s apartment. The day after your conversation with Vance, you told Dwayne all of it and he offered you to come to Louisiana with him. “Distance may help,” he said. When he offered it, he wasn’t thinking of what could happened between the two of you but obviously, living with him made you closer. This time you were not drunk and you had sex. It became regular, and yet nothing serious, something casual. It just feels really good to be with someone you really appreciated, to feel appreciated too and wanted. You have to admit, sex with Dwayne is amazing, better than anything you’ve witnessed before even though you didn’t have a big experience.

However, days were very long. Dwayne and his team had a lot of work to do, you would help them some times but mainly, you’re bored in his apartment. And you can’t stop thinking about Jethro. You miss him, a lot. You haven’t heard about him since he “fired” you. A part of you would love to talk with him but the other is just so mad at him for being this stubborn.

One of the hardest part of being in New Orleans was being that far away for Morgane and John. Babies change too fast and even though you facetime Delilah almost every day, you can tell they have changed a lot in three weeks. Usually, you’re the one to call her but today, your phone rang and her name popped up. You almost hang up when you saw Tim’s face on the screen. “Finally!” he simply exclaimed, “You are definitely avoiding my calls and texts,” “Hello Timmy, I’m okay, what about you?” you avoided what he just said. “Y/N, can you have a serious conversation, please?” he pleaded and you sighed. “What’s up?” “Why did you leave like this? When are you coming back? Are you actually coming back? Are you dating Pride?” he spoke too fast. “A question at the time, please.” You paused, “I needed time off, I don’t know when I’m coming back and I’m not dating Dwayne,” “Thanks for the last answer, I can make everyone shut up. But seriously, I’m going crazy without you—Well, we all are cause Gibbs is driving us nuts!” “There’s nothing I can do about that,” you simply said. “Yes, there is! Come back! He is like this because you left,” “He fired my ass, Tim. What else was I supposed to do?” “He—what? No way,” he paused, “Wait, was it because you flirted with Pride?” “Whatever it was, he just did. You guys are lucky enough Vance saw me cleaning my desk, I’m just on time off for now,” “Ok, I think there’s something that may convinced you—Gibbs and Ducky had a fight a few days ago. They are barely talking to each other since then, and no one knows what it was about,”

You stayed silent. How was it possible? Why the hell did they have a fight? Them? That’s not something you thought could happened. What could you do about it? They are adults, they can make up things all by themselves… actually, you can’t help but to feel concerned about this fight and you hate it. You can’t leave DC for a few weeks without the team falling a part? “I’ll see what I can do,” you spoke up, “Can I see my godchildren now?”

In DC, Dr Donald Mallard was working on a profile. It was late and everyone had left already. But no one is waiting for him at home, so he doesn’t mind staying late at work. His phone rang, taking him away from his own thoughts. Your name appeared and he smiled to himself before answering. “Hello milady,” he greeted you. “Hi my Ducky Duck. How are you?” you casually asked. “I’m fine, what about you? How’s New Orleans?” “Life here is so different from DC, I’m having a lot of fun actually,” it wasn’t totally true but not a lie either. “How’s the team?” “I have to admit—we miss you here,” he confessed. “I miss you too, all of you. Even Gibbs,” you said on purpose, hoping it would bring up the fight they had. “Mainly him, am I right?” he softly said. “Ducky, listen. I heard you two had a fight—can you talk to me about it, please?”

It took you a few arguments to convince Ducky to talk about the fight but he finally did. And like you were afraid of, it was about you.

“Talk to me, Duck,” Gibbs said like always as he entered the autopsy. The doctor told him everything he found during the autopsy of the corpse they got the day before. Jimmy quickly left to bring something to Abby, leaving the two men alone. Gibbs was about to leave but Ducky called him before he reached the door. “Obviously, something happened with Y/N—but is she coming back? I tried to call her but she’s not answering. To anyone actually, what about you?” “Haven’t heard of her either. I don’t know if she’s coming back,” “Jethro, what happened exactly between you two?” “Nothin’. Can I go now?” “I guess you avoided the conversation with her, just like you’re doing now,” “Excuse me?” “I’m just sayin’—it’s been ten years, don’t you think it’s time for you to accept the feelings you have for her?” “Are you seriously giving me advices about love, Ducky? You? The man that never got married?” Gibbs answered with a bitter ton and Donald frowned, he was just trying to help two people he really care about. “Nevermind, Jethro. Keep ruining her life, you’re doing a great job,” If it wasn’t Ducky saying this, in front of him, Jethro would have exploded. But he stayed silent and left.

After hanging up with Ducky, you couldn’t hold back your tears. You cried like a baby for several minutes, it was all the tears you haven’t let out for years now. You were giving up everything you kept inside all this time. Not only your feelings for Gibbs and how miserable they make you but also how hard this job can be. Losing all of those people you loved, those missions in Middle East, the cases, the destroyed families, the time you were hostage in Paraguay with Gibbs for two months… How did you manage to still be standing after all of this? You’re seriously wondering. But one thing is sure, you can’t take anything more right now.

You didn’t hear Dwayne getting in the apartment. Before he could say anything, he heard you sobbing on the couch so he directly walked to you, sat and held you without saying anything. He just held you close to him while you calmed down a little. He stroked your hair and kissed it gently. “Wanna talk?” he finally asked when you weren’t crying anymore but you shook your head. “Just stay here,” you said.

After a few minutes, you raised your head from his chest to kiss him. You were craving for his kisses, his touch, his comfort, his tenderness. You wanted to feel secure and loved. Dwayne can give you that. He lost himself in your kisses for a moment but he knew he had to stop it. “Y/N…” he whispered, slowly breaking the kiss. You ignored him and tried to kiss him again but he turned his face. You gave him a questioning look. “Whatever’s going on, you have to fix it. You have to fix yourself, to get your life together instead of throwing yourself in my arms. I mean—I love being with you and maybe I have feelings for you but I know how you feel for Gibbs and whether it’s with me or someone else, you can’t get in a relationship without making things clear with him,” “It’s never going to work,” “Maybe not but you can’t live with a doubt, right?”

You hated to admit it but Dwayne was right. Things need to be clear, once and for all. Even if it can hurt really bad, that’s the only way you can move on. Whether it’s with or without Gibbs. The next morning, you were on a plane back to DC. When you arrived, you took a cab and gave Jethro’s address. He’s already at work, but you stayed there, on his couch the entire day. You were determined to get answers, and you won’t live his house without them. When the sun went down, you moved in the basement. Gibbs was working on a new boat, you walked around it and noticed how he named it. Your nickname. The nickname only him calls you by. A few tears got away from your eyes. You sat on his small bench and pressed play on his old floppy disk drive. It was Kelly’s playing the piano and talking to her father. Listening to this made you sadder. A part of you understands how broken and scared the man is. But you just want to make him happy. You turned on your own music, a song you’ve been listening for days cause it perfectly reflects how you feel.

See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I'll wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails she makes me wait And I wait, without you With or without you With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting for you

With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you

Softly singing over Bono’s voice, you didn’t hear Gibbs walking downstairs. Seeing and hearing you, he stopped himself in the middle of the stairs and sat there until the song was over. He heard you sobbing and his heart broke a little more. You considered listening to it again, but his voice got your attention. “That’s exactly how it is. With or without you, I can’t live,” he simply said. You walked where he was and sat on the stair, next to his feet. “Then--what should we do?”

You waited for his answer but he stayed silent. For a very long moment. But you waited, and waited, once again. A few times, he opened his mouth to talk but he stopped himself and didn’t speak. “Y/N/N,” he finally whispered. You looked at him, hopefully. His iced blue eyes were watered. He stared deep in your eyes for another moment and he finally moved. His face got closer to yours, determined but slow enough to give you the opportunity to object. But you didn’t and his lips reached yours. His kiss was soft but firm, shy and intense at the same time. His tongue searched from permission to get inside your mouth and you happily opened it. He picked you up easily to make you sit on his lap, his all over your body and yours in his hair and neck while you never stopped kissing. Shortly after, clothes began to fly in the basement. Feeling your bare skin against his, drove Gibbs crazy. He stood up with you in his arms and pinned you against the wall. The cold made you whined between moaning. You were so small in his arms, you both were loving it, your long hair sometimes got in the way of your mouths but Gibbs didn’t mind, he loved every part of you, from head to toes. He carried you to the living room and laid you on the couch. You whined again when he stopped kissing and touching you. You felt cold and empty, “J?” you asked. He quickly kissed your hair, “Just starting a fire,” You watched him setting the fire in his fireplace. This was better then you imagine. His body was amazing, his kisses were mind-blowing, just like his touch. Once he was done, he covered your body with his and kissed you again.

That night, you and Gibbs made love twice. It was slow, passionate and intense. You could easily described that night as the best of your life. The two of you fell asleep on the couch, naked bodies pressed to each other, with the fire next to you. You slept before him and you didn’t hear him saying how much he loves you.

It was the first time in some many years that Gibbs could have sleep in. But unfortunately, it was Thursday, the team was working on a case and Ellie Bishop showed up very early. To her defense, her boss is already awake or at work at 7. When she walked in his home, she didn’t expect to find the two of you sleeping, naked. The blanket has been kicked away in the middle of the night and the first thing Ellie saw was Gibbs’ naked ass. Then your breasts. She uncontrollably screamed, covered her eyes and turned around. “Bishop? What the—” Gibbs said, before realizing what she must have seen. “Boss, I-I’m sorry, I—” she paused, “I’m just going to leave,” and she did. “What do you think traumatized her? My breasts or your ass?” you joked. “My ass is perfect, she’ll never forget what she saw,” he smiled.

Jethro softly kissed you, “Morning,” he said in your mouth. “Good morning, handsome,” you smiled. “Screw rule 6—I’m sorry, Y/N. For being a fucking idiot. I’m sorry it took me ten years, I’m sorry I—” you kissed him to make him stop. “Just tell me “Screw rule 12” and that’s enough. And promise me we’ll wake up like this, every single day,”

He nodded, “I love you, Y/N. More than you can imagine,”

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