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makingqueerhistory · 1 year

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Queer Book Recommendations

Every once in a while I like sharing some queer book recommendations on here as I read a lot and I get requests to share some of the books I love, so here we go!

Tell Me I'm Worthless: Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends Ila and Hannah. Since then, things have not been going well. Alice is living a haunted existence, selling videos of herself cleaning for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep. She hasn’t spoken to Ila since they went into the House. She hasn’t seen Hannah either.

Our Wives Under The Sea: Miri thinks she has got her wife back, when Leah finally returns after a deep sea mission that ended in catastrophe. It soon becomes clear, though, that Leah may have come back wrong. Whatever happened in that vessel, whatever it was they were supposed to be studying before they were stranded on the ocean floor, Leah has carried part of it with her, onto dry land and into their home.

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty: Feyi Adekola wants to learn how to be alive again.It’s been five years since the accident that killed the love of her life and she’s almost a new person now—an artist with her own studio, and sharing a brownstone apartment with her ride-or-die best friend, Joy, who insists it’s time for Feyi to ease back into the dating scene. Feyi isn’t ready for anything serious, but a steamy encounter at a rooftop party cascades into a whirlwind summer she could have never imagined: a luxury trip to a tropical island, decadent meals in the glamorous home of a celebrity chef, and a major curator who wants to launch her art career.

Silver Under Nightfall: Remy Pendergast is many things: the only son of the Duke of Valenbonne (though his father might wish otherwise), an elite bounty hunter of rogue vampires, and an outcast among his fellow Reapers. His mother was the subject of gossip even before she eloped with a vampire, giving rise to the rumors that Remy is half-vampire himself. Though the kingdom of Aluria barely tolerates him, Remy’s father has been shaping him into a weapon to fight for the kingdom at any cost.

Disintegrate/Dissociate: In her powerful debut collection of poetry, Arielle Twist unravels the complexities of human relationships after death and metamorphosis. In these spare yet powerful poems, she explores, with both rage and tenderness, the parameters of grief, trauma, displacement, and identity. Weaving together a past made murky by uncertainty and a present which exists in multitudes, Arielle Twist poetically navigates through what it means to be an Indigenous trans woman, discovering the possibilities of a hopeful future and a transcendent, beautiful path to regaining softness.

The Perks of Loving a Wallflower: As a master of disguise, Thomasina Wynchester can be a polite young lady—or a bawdy old man. She’ll do whatever it takes to solve the cases her family takes on. But when Tommy’s beautiful new client turns out to be the highborn lady she’s secretly smitten with, more than her mission is at stake . . .

It Came from the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror: Horror movies hold a complicated space in the hearts of the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. Common tropes—such as the circumspect and resilient “final girl,” body possession, costumed villains, secret identities, and things that lurk in the closet—spark moments of eerie familiarity and affective connection. Still, viewers often remain tasked with reading themselves into beloved films, seeking out characters and set pieces that speak to, mirror, and parallel the unique ways queerness encounters the world.

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture: Everything you know about sex and asexuality is (probably) wrong. The notion that everyone wants sex–and that we all have to have it–is false. It’s intertwined with our ideas about capitalism, race, gender, and queerness. And it impacts the most marginalized among us. For asexual folks, it means that ace and A-spec identity is often defined by a queerness that’s not queer enough, seen through a lens of perceived lack: lack of pleasure, connection, joy, maturity, and even humanity.

#refusing compulsory sexuality #it came from the closet #the perks of loving a wallflower #disintigrate/dissociate #silver under nightfall #you made a fool of death with your beauty #our wives under the sea #tell me im worthless #queer book recommendations #queer books #lgbt books #queer history

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castellankurze · 7 months

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ok but for real FF14 fans we gotta talk about the next 20 years in Eorzea cause it's gonna be wild

*There's gonna be some general Shadowbringers & Endwalker spoilers in this post.*

I'm making this now because something in 6.5 reminded me of this idea - no spoilers for 6.5 in particular though.

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So first, quick refresher: the FF14 setting has a pretty standard for the genre afterlife wherein souls of the dead merge with the planet's lifestream, they beat about for awhile, maybe ruminate on their past life, and then they can either merge with the greater whole or be reborn as new people. This got outlined all the way back in the 2.x patch series and became a major part of the plot for the Shadowbringers expansion, wherein the Warrior of Light is revealed to be a reincarnation of the ancient soul of Azem, or how the character Gaia is also a reincarnation of one of the Ascians.

Also a major part of the Shadowbringers plot are the revelations about the secret history of the world. How in forgotten ancient times, civilization threatened by a calamity called the Final Days offered up hundreds or possibly thousands of souls to create the god that would be known as Zodiark who would preserve the world, and how in time the goddess Hydaelyn would be created as an opposition to Zodiark's power. And that she ultimately sundered him into 14 pieces - and because Zodiark's nature was fundamentally tied into the essence of the world, when he was broken so too was the very planet and every living soul upon it, divided into the singular 'Source' and thirteen 'shards.' As part of Shadowbringers' plot, the character of Ardbert is revealed to be the First-shard part of the soul of the Warrior of Light, reuniting near the end of 5.0, and to villain Emet-Selch, these sundered souls are a pitiful shadow of the powerful, vibrant beings they once were in ancient times, unworthy of life.

Now here's where things get interesting.

During the course of our Endwalker adventures, we reach the lunar prison where the body of Zodiark is held captive. Due to some villainous machinations, the ancient god's bonds have been partially broken and his essence is leaking out, taking the form of ancient shades wandering about. One in particular we speak to is named Hythlodaeus. We had previously met this character - sort of, in the form of a memory conjured by Emet-Selch. This is the true Hythlodaeus, an ancient soul sacrificed to bring Zodiark into being. Despite joining the multitude of souls and the long slumber in imprisonment, he's coherent and holds a conversation.

Unsurprisingly, as the main character of a Final Fantasy title we go on to kill our setting's oldest god, and in so doing get a good look at the effect of the sundering on Zodiark: namely that in his case it was pretty literal, splitting off pieces of his body. However the interesting part of the Endwalker's implications is that while Zodiark was sundered, the individual souls that made up his being were not - after this confrontation we see and speak to our old new friend Hythlodaeus again, and again, both in a journey to the distant past and as we call up his soul for aid at the climax of the story...and he's the same person every time.

This...strongly hints that the myriad of ancient, unsundered souls which made up the bulk of Zodiark's essence have returned to the lifestream, and while major characters like Hythlodaeus, Emet-Selch and Venat seem content to leave the cycle of reincarnation for good and pass the world on to us modern folk...is that going to be true for everyone?

Are there, in fact, dozens - hundreds - thousands of Ancient, unsundered souls milling about in the aetherial sea, contemplating a return to the living world? Will the world of Etheirys over the next few years see a sudden wave of children with incredible power as these souls start to be reborn? Will the Warrior of Light, a soul merely eight times rejoined, be eclipsed in sheer strength by the might of a new generation?

The story will probably never go to such a place - after all it would essentially undo the themes of its two biggest expansions, and besides which, the story of FF14 as a whole will probably not venture so many years down the timeline to explore such a possibility.

But still. They say everything old is someday new again.

#FFXIV #Final Fantasy XIV #Shadowbringers #Endwalker #Zodiark #Emet-Selch #Hythlodaeus #lore speculation #long post

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fatuismooches · 3 months

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a girl i liked likes someone else and i mayyy or may not have subjected myself to listening to her talk abt it bc she asked…HAPPY NEW YEAR, SMOOCHIESSSSS!! bc yk who wouldn’t like someone else and then make me beta read a poem they want to send?? MY DEAR HUSBAND PANTALONE <33

insanity he would write reader LETTERS all in the nicest cursive. but imagine when they were much younger, when his writing was less pretty and more chicken scratch. barely knew how to write, but he still wanted to send you personalized letters when you were working too hard. maybe his writing over the years has evolved, both the words he used and the way his handwriting slowly became more refined- the content has not.

(he gets a lil golden box for all of the letters he has been sent back for sure)

YK WHO ELSE WOULDNT MAKE ME DO THAT…MY MAN..CAPITANO ❤️ (he’s my husband and HE KNOWS IT). sure hes the captain of the entirety of the fatui, sure he’s fought in wars and won fights of grandeur. will he happily lift reader up to get a small jar at the back of the cupboards? YES. will he slightly remove his helmet only to give reader a kiss (probably two)? yesyesyes. him on one knee like a knight, promising to forever protect reader? uhm! yes!

- 💌 anon

(x, x) <- (Funnily enough I have some posts similar to this.) AND YES, HAPPY (LATE) NEW YEARS DEAR 💌 ANON! I hope your year gets better though, I'm really sorry that happened to you :( *hugs you tightly*

Pantalone's handwriting when he was younger was definitely nothing special... struggling through poverty, he was barely learning how to write. You would still read through his letters with his less than elegant handwriting of course, because it was from your friend who put in all this effort for you. But that wasn't enough for him, even at a young age he'd decided that you should be awarded only the best, as he already made up his mind to pay you back for everything you helped him with.

So as the years went by, he studied and practiced improving his handwriting, writing whenever he had the time to. Not just for himself and his goals, but for you too. Countless drafts not making the cut because he wanted the best perfection he could achieve at the time to be viewed by you. Picking up on the language from a multitude of books so he could portray your beauty and his love for you in a proper manner which you deserve.

(He keeps the box in his office so he can reread your letters when he needs a break... one could see how old the paper is, spanning from literally decades back, but he still keeps it in as pristine condition as he can.)

After Capitano begins to get over his fear of hurting you, he's the kind of guy who'd be a bit sad and disappointed you pulled a chair to get something instead of asking him... he definitely loves when you rely on him! Capitano may not be good at a lot of "normal" things, but he's always willing to help you. He probably makes you close your eyes when he takes off his helmet to kiss you... despite how much he loves you, it's still going to be a long road to see if he can be vulnerable enough to reveal his true self. But even so, he swears to forever be yours.

#smooches talks #💌 anon #pantalone love notes <3 #capitano love notes <3 #i hope you can feel better 💌 anon 💗

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twigs-sprigs · 2 years

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an au in which.. well different outfits that the ninja have had are actually just who they are

okay so i have much to explain so STRAP IN

so i came up with this idea really suddenly like ten million thoughts just hit me in the head, but the main concept is that

the world is actually a post apocalyptic style scenario, there's an "above" new ninjago city, that was built on top of the old overgrown and kind of abandoned old ninjago city (i imagine it having like glowy mushrooms and stuff and having some sort of a pretty factor to it)

i also see this whole world being full of like a multitude of different species with all sorts of wacky features (this is all kinda like years and years after the disaster that destroyed the og ninjago, so it has very cyberpunk-y and modern elements)

let's call it the (PA au. just post apocalyptic for short)

(this has been compared to that one show called arcane before. i. ive never watched arcane. /gen.. so yeah. i know its similar. its a coincidence. i promise. )

now, our characters consist of

kai - aka. the red shogun. (the outfit is prime empire kai, kind of combined with the red shogun outfit from season 4) a villain turned superhero vigilante, who's just doing his gosh darn best, and has a whole team who keeps his back safe! lloyd - aka. GB (prime empire lloyd) a trained mercenary and the leader of a gang that does everything from trading substances, weapons and machines in the black market, to simply bounty hunting. he's an untrustworthy, quiet but sly and feared leader, whos really just a sad and lost kid at heart. people say he takes after his father, but he wouldnt admit that. jay - aka. superstar rockin' jay!! (prime empire jay, ofc) he's a celebrity rockstar both in the above world AND in the undercity. though he mostly spends his time up above. he's still part of kai's vigilante team! nya- aka. THE FREAKIN SEA (seabound nya) she's a part of the sea that decided "fuck it!! we ball!!" and left to see what life on land is all about! she met kai and quickly became really close with him and they became siblings! shes the first member of his team! and she's kind of confused but she's DEFINITELY got the spirit! zane- aka. snake jaguar (the outfit from sons of garmadon) just like kai he's a vigilante, a wielder of ice. he goes undercover in lloyds gang and becomes his right hand man, but gives crucial information to his team, so they can take down lloyd's operation. cole- ROCKY FREAKIN DANGERBUFF, yet ANOTHER member of kai's team, he's from the dangerbuff clan! one of the groups of people who live their lives in the undercity. he's a dancer and a beast hunter, but also a kick ass hero just like the rest of the team! pixal- samurai x!! she's also a hero, that kind of rivals red shogun and kind of doesnt like him at all, but she does get kind of close to one of his team members... if you know what i mean

i will say that ALL the members of the squad still have their elemental powers, i havent yet properly fully thought that part out but i know for sure that they do.

SO YEAH. lloyd is actually kind of the villian for a large part of this au. i tried my best to not change his personality in a way that wouldnt be natural for his character to progress. in my head he grew up kind of sheltered from the outside world entirely. he's not really a... person? he's his role and thats that. he was never really loved by anyone therefore doesnt really know...emotion. all that well. he may act like a bratty teenager from time to time when he's taunting his enemies, but that's just... a character that he's playing up. he really just has no clue what hes doing.

(everything im not saying here is in the little notes i left on the drawings, though they may not be canon since i wrote down concepts and ideas there too)

his dad, garmadon, also is a little different in this au. basically "good" garmadon isnt really a thing (hes basically JUST the version from the oni trillogy). he was the previous gang leader BEFORE lloyd but he vanished and supposedly died. so lloyd had to take his place.

the ACTUAL. REAL VILLAIN of this au is harumi. who, fr. is still just herself. she's also kind of the second in command to lloyd. and she betrays him. and kind of takes the gang all to herself. leaving lloyd to help out the heroes...and finally find a family in the process.

its very emotional in my head and i am so scrambled right now these are the only semi-coherent thoughts.

i would LOVE to talk more about this au. if you have any questions or ideas or ANYTHING really.. do send asks about it... im in such deep brainrot for it and rambling on tumblr is apparently a thing that i do! (who wouldve thunk!)

this au was also made with the help of @shadesofvermillionvoid as USUAL.. so you can send asks there too!!! give kai all the love ever ash deserve it!!

... and to whoever bothered to read all this. wow. thank you! :D i feel very seen

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theomnicode · 1 year

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Saitama the cook

Just because Genos is always in the kitchen, doesn't mean he's actually preparing all the meals in the household.

Saitama has had to deal with needing to make food on his own since he was probably 12 years old, because we've yet to see him have a guardian around who'd have prepapred food for him.

In his adult life, Saitama is constantly thinking about how to source his food, that being one of his headaches especially with Genos around when he wants to provide food for the both of them.

Despite Genos being in the household and even unsure if the cyborg can eat, Saitama goes for great lenghts to provide meals for the household, whether it be grocery store sales, wild game, new opportunities how to possibly get food items like fishing or even monsters as food source, such as seaweed or mushrooms.

If someone goes for such lenghts to see that there's always some type of meal that can be prepared, then damn straight they're also the one who's preparing the meal and that's something Genos in his exuberance to do all household chores can't take away from Saitama, even if he wants to do the dishes.

In this, Genos is definitely the student who'd learn from Saitama how to prepapre his favourite meals and how to prepare from recipies, because Genos always does plenty research.

The many occasions we've seen Saitama prepare and even share few food tips is aplenty in the anime, since Saitama also loves to share his love for food and in this, teaches Genos how he has been sourcing his food, which is an important skill in life.

(and the one time Genos was late with crabs)

Nor does she shy away from opportunities to eat something way above his pay check, like lobster when Bomb sent a bit too many lobsters for Bang to eat and Bang invited them to his household for a meal.

In one of the more latest chapters, Saitama was seen with a frying pan that he mentions he was going to use, implying he was definitely going to be the one who is about to do some cooking around the household as well.

Genos would just buy a new frying pan, but good cast iron pans are hard to come by, sturdy, hard to replace and make for a very flavourful meals once seasoned well. So I personally don't think it's just a good-ol' fashioned teflon pan he's carrying here, though it could be.

So not only is Saitama a cook, he has good taste in food.

From wild game to mushrooms to crabs to vegetables to expensive meat, even if he probably doesn't know how to expertly prepare every dish in multitude of different ways like a real cook professional, he's made this far with homecooking skills and resourcefully making sure each bit of food is prepared in a way that is palatable.

If he couldn't, he'd have been in trouble since he was a little kid. Quite a sad prospect but what can ya do.

#opm #one punch man #opm meta #saitama #cooking #food

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forevfangirlwrites · 2 months

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play stupid games, win stupid prizes chapter 19

The next morning finds her lighter, as if a weight had been taken off her chest. Percy had left a little bit after their conversation, clearly not in the best state given he had been drinking and fallen asleep. Jason had taken him home, but not before he shared a last discrete smile with her.

That smile is on her mind all morning and afternoon, letting her breathe a little easier. She still doesn’t know what is going to happen, but she knows that it’s okay. And all it took was one conversation.

If only they’d done this before, maybe everything wouldn’t have blown up then. But it’s in the past and there’s nothing she can do about that now.

He head is so full of thoughts she doesn’t register that Helen has asked her to take out the trash three times now. Trying to shake herself out of it, she grabs the bag and walks it to the curb.

The cold air feels refreshing as she unceremoniously dumps the bag on the ground and is about to walk back when she sees none other than the object of all her thoughts.

“Percy?”

He’s standing with his hands in his pockets looking a little sheepish, as if he’d been caught loitering.

“Hey,” he says quietly, taking a hand out of his pocket to give her a little wave.

“What’re you doing here?” she asks, bewildered. She hadn’t expected to see him so soon. Then again, she doesn’t quite know what to make of the situation as a whole.

“Um, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat?” The hand that had waved goes to the back of his neck and is she crazy or is he…nervous?

“Uh, sure, just let me grab…” she doesn’t finish the sentence, just points to her front door and jogs away as soon as he nods.

Quickly grabbing her purse, she stops to look at herself in the hallway mirror. Running a few fingers through her hair, she curses. At least her leggings and sweater weren’t bad, and her hair looks halfway decent after her attempts.

And though she was not prepared to see him, her heart is thumping in excitement and she can’t help but smile at the fact they’ll be spending some time together.

Stop it Annabeth, she tries to tell herself, he could be trying to tell you that he doesn’t want to see you again.

But there’s not enough time to really think and she makes it back down her driveway, breathless for a multitude of reasons.

“Okay, I’m ready,” she says, stopping a few feet away from him.

Percy just nods, and they both stand there for a second of silence.

“Um…so where to?” she asks, breaking the silence. Okay so maybe she should be more nervous.

“Oh, right,” he starts, “there’s a new diner if you want to check it out? It’s supposed to be old school.”

“Sure,” she replies, following him to his car parked a little down the street. He opens the door for her and she thanks him as she gets in.

It’s weird. The formality, the fact that he’s driving combined with everything they’ve been through.

“I heard they have good milkshakes,” he says after thirty seconds of him driving in silence. “So I figured you’d like it.”

“I’m sure I will,” she replies, still a little baffled by how nervous he is. It’s making her feel nervous too.

Thankfully it’s a short drive and he pulls into the parking lot a few minutes later.

“Cali’s,” she reads the sign. “Sounds cool.”

Percy leads her in, and they end up getting seated in a booth at the back by a window. She sits opposite of him and they start to look over the menu.

It feels so much like a date. And now that she’s had the thought, she notices that he’s made an effort to tame his hair and—

“What do you want?” he asks, cutting her thoughts short. He still hasn’t looked up from the menu and she can’t help but blurt out.

“Is this a date?”

KEEP READING ON AO3

#percabeth #percabeth fic #percy and annabeth #percabeth au #psgwsp

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mychaotic-academia · 8 months

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I’ve never posted any “about me” stuff so here’s some random me-based facts if anyone was curious!

I am 27 going on 28 (my birthday is October 21st)

I’m married to the love of my life, Vee, and she and I met when I was 18 and she was 21. I auditioned for her A Capella group in college and she fell in love instantly (the funny part is I was just thinking “I hope this girl lets me into her A Capella group” but I wasn’t far behind)

I have a cat named Bunny that I’m obsessed with. She’s a calico short hair and I do sometimes post pics! I tag them #Bunny

I work as a paraeducator in a high school, which basically means I help students with IEPs and such in classrooms. Right now I work in a classroom for students returning to school after school avoidance or hospitalizations. I love my job!

I’m in graduate school to get my Special Education degree so I can become a Special Ed teacher. I love being in classes again and I’m excited for the new step in my career!

I majored in Psychology in my Undergrad, and the 4 years I spent at University were amazing! I was originally going to be an adjustment counselor, but changed my mind.

I’m a creative person, and I write (poems, stories, novel length projects that never come to be), paint, play music, and sing. I sometimes post some of my creative content here too!

I’ve been a voracious reader since I was old enough to read. Before that my Dad read to me every night before bed. We kept that up through sometime in Middle School as we read all the Harry Potter novels, most as they were coming out (I’m old!)

I’m a pagan and a not quite professional but working on it psychic. I love doing readings for folks so ask away! I’m working on getting fluent enough to pick up a gig somewhere as a reader.

My parents are both writers. My mom has a published book of poetry and is published fairly widely for her poetry. My dad has self published two novels (he didn’t want to deal with getting a publishing deal but his books are good!)

I’m majorly into aesthetics and general awe. I see beauty everywhere and I’m constantly amazed by the world. My theory is that I’m a brand new soul and so everything is exciting to me, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

My old blog (if I follow you it is unfortunately still my “main”, nullnvoyd) was a BPD blog. I deleted everything and pretty much deactivated it as far as I could because it wasn’t helping. I’ve struggled with mental health since I was a kid, but am in a very good place right now, which feels amazing.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago and it has explained so much!

I live in Massachusetts and am watching the trees for any signs of leaves turning because it truly is a marvel to live in New England in the Fall.

I was born in Newfoundland Canada. My parents grew up there. In the early-mid 90s (when I was born) the fishery crashed and Newfoundland had unemployment of around 30+%. My dad got a job down here because he was, at the time, one of the few people who could do what he does with computers. I’m still only a Canadian citizen, mainly because its expensive to become a citizen in the US. I want to be a citizen for the next election though so I’ll have to prioritize it.

I used to own a crystal shop, but its down for now because I’m working and in school full time.

I was on Tumblr back in the day, when it was at the height of its popularity. I think it was 2011 or 2012 when I made my first account. Crazy how time flies once you leave public education and start getting older.

I love makeup and fashion, and I was self conscious about it for a long time because it didn’t feel like an “intellectual” pursuit, but that was completely a misconception. They are forms of art!

So thats a bit about me! Theres more, I’m sure, because people always contain untold multitudes, but those are what I could think of on half a cup of coffee on a Sunday morning.

#me #about me #about myself #dark academia #chaotic academia #academia #academia aesthetic #aesthetic #booklr #books #chaotic academic aesthetic #dark academic aesthetic #reading

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gremlinakadaka · 1 year

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Autism in Dead By Daylight

I already spoke about this on my twitter but I wanted to talk about it here as I feel I cut out many points in order to not make the twitter thread to long. The twitter thread in question if anyone is curious: https://twitter.com/_Akadaka_/status/1609179900035964929?s=20

But with that out the way I wanna share why I think a certain 3 characters are all autistic.

Julie Kostenko

Starting with my main girl, while she is the most subtle out of the three she still bares traits. She is most likely high functioning.

Firstly, it’s hinted in her lore that she isn’t super social. She has a small group of friends and doesn’t seem to branch out that much in social interactions, which is very common among people with autism as socializing can be extremely difficult due to a multitude of reasons. The only time she ever branches out is when she meets Frank.

Speaking of Frank, lets talk about him, or more specifically Julie’s fixation with him. In short, it seems that Julie is hyper fixating on him. He’s different, he’s new, he’s rebellious. He’s basically everything she wants to be, it would make sense why she would want to hang around him and be so willing to follow along with what he says. But that also can be seen as the common trait of nativity in autism, social interactions are difficult mainly due to many autistic people’s inability to see and pick up on social cues, including manipulation. It can also be seen that Julie doesn’t know or see that Frank could be manipulating her and the other members of the legion into becoming what they are.

But with that being said, it seems that Julie is extremely willing to be apart of the legion and follow along with Frank, again she seems to be hyper fixated on him and the idea of being free and thus the idea of “The Legion” A small theory of mine is that in school Julie was very much an outcast and potentially bullied, and now Frank has given her the perfect set of circumstances: A loving partner, inseparable friends, freedom and rebellion. I wouldn’t be surprised if Julie has latched onto this idea with an iron grasp and doesn’t plan on letting it all go. This is her norm now so why would she change?

Moving away from the more grim subjects, Julie seems to be rather creative having a hobby of drawing/doodling in her journals in school, as seen in her lore. It is pretty common for autistic people to be rather creative in many ways, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Julie would doodle in class when she’s bored.

Nea Karlsson

Moving onto Nea, she is probably the most obvious out of the three but there also isn’t a whole lot abut her as well. So there isn’t a lot to say about her

Nea is described as “lacking everything that made someone normal” which says a lot already. Nea is a trouble maker, a street artist always on the move to tag the next spot. People with Autism are very prone to having “behavior issues” as they can lash out in response to certain things and struggle to accept changes or certain facts about life in general.

Nea initially acted out when her family moved from Sweden to the US, and change is a big thing for autistic people, especially as big as this. Clearly she didn’t want the change, she didn’t want to move to the US, she didn’t want to leave her old life behind. So she struggled to adapt to the change and turned to rebelling and lashed out.

She has taken to using art as her means to express her anger and rebellious nature to the world, having a real passion and seemingly hyper fixation on Graffiti art and Street Smarts. Becoming quite good at the both of them.

She also seems to be rather anti social, having a small group of friends who would probably move with her while she was tagging. Though I feel like not many people would be bale to keep up with her, or really understand her in general.

Mikaela Reid

And last but not least, Mikaela. Mikaela out of the three is the most likely to be canonically Neurodiverse, as it was revealed she has Dyslexia which is EXTREMELY common among people with autism and ADHD. She also seems to struggle with talking with people, people saying that she’s “weird” when talking while she think’s shes perfectly normal.

It is also pretty clear she has a hyper fixation on witchcraft and horror, basing her whole aesthetic around witches and reading horror stories to people in the cafe she works at. Hell she designed the logo and its clear she has a passion for these two things.

She also is very particular with how she does things, always keeping things organised in a way she can understand and keep track of, which is a big thing for autistic people.

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed my reasons of why these three characters are Autistic, though I will say this is a personal head cannon. You are allowed to disagree with me, this is just how I feel and connect with these characters. Autistic people don’t get a whole lot of representation so seeing characters with traits is a big thing to me.

Thank you for reading, have a great day :)

#dbd #dead by daylight #autism #the legion #dbd the legion #julie kostenko #nea #nea karlsson #dbd nea #mikaela #mikaela reid #dbd mikaela #adhd #head cannon #neurodiversity

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helperhome · 11 months

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Welcome Home!

Hello Everyone,

After months of procrastinating, I feel like I’m finally ready to get this thing up and running. My intention for this blog is to spread the mental health resources I've gathered freely so that anyone with access to the internet can have access to this information.

God, Allah, our creator, or whatever you call it, has blessed me with a unique perspective on life. During a time of intense turmoil, I was blessed to have a top-of-the-line health insurance provider. Not only was it a top-tier provider, but my coverage plan was also exceptional. For reference, it covered every ambulance ride I’d had AND a trip to the E.R. via Life Flight - so you could say it was pretty freakin’ good. On top of that, it gave me access to a multitude of resources as well as an abundance of medical professionals to choose from. During that time, however, I had no idea what kind of blessing that actually was. As a child, I knew nothing about insurance and had no interest in learning about it. Compared to now, I have state-covered health insurance and it’s nearly impossible to get an appointment with someone who is actually qualified to help me. The provider pool is drastically limited as a whole when you have this type of insurance, but in the psychiatric field, it’s even worse. An already scarce option pool becomes even more limited when you go down the tiers of health insurance, with the number of limitations rising as you go down the tiers. This can make it seemingly impossible to have access to the help you need, not to mention the financial burden of it all. Having a hard time connecting with providers forced me to rely on myself and my connection with God in order to make any sort of progress. Luckily for me, I absolutely LOVE doing research and broadening my understanding of things. Combined with my never-ending curiosity, my ability to absorb information has given me all the tools I need to heal myself repeatedly.

Back in the day, I had a gut feeling to hold onto the information I was given by my various therapists, counselors, case workers, and other professionals along my journey. I may not have understood the actual depth of this then, but I knew those papers had value to them. I knew they needed to be shared with the world.

Fast forward to the current moment, I now have an entire binder full of worksheets, exercises, and other information that I’ve been collecting since 2011 or so. Along with that, I retained a lot of the practices and principles I was taught by educated professionals still to this day. I’ve used them in tandem with other resources I’ve found and ultimately it has been a successful journey. Now it is time that I offer all of this to the world, so you may find the tools you need to help you along your healing journey.

Remember that this journey is one that is never-ending, with old traumas resurfacing and new events taking place on a daily basis. It is hard at times, but it is truly worth it. When you are able to say that you deserve the help you need, you begin to heal in ways you may have never thought possible - and I want to help. It’s also important to mention that without the aid of my medication, I don’t think I would be able to make it as far as I have. I found a nurse practitioner who took me in even though I was far from what her experience had her accustomed to - we both knew that - but she did her very best to help me. (She did an amazing job with what she had, and I'm forever thankful for her.) Things changed in both of our lives, so I was forced to search for someone better qualified to help me. Thankfully I had an abundance of varying doses of the medication I rely on for daily function, so I have been able to keep medicated while waiting for my new provider. Medications are a valuable tool in this process, so I highly recommend trying to find something that helps you. For me, it's 50 mg of Nortriptyline - a medication used to treat narcolepsy but also in more severe cases, C-PTSD. The medications themselves do not solve all of the problems you have, so if you go at it from that perspective you’ll be met with disappointment. Rather, they offer enough relief from the symptoms that are disrupting you so that you can navigate your mind to find the solutions yourself. The change truly does begin with you.

#mental health #helping #light worker #complex ptsd #childhood trauma #ptsd #abuse survivor #medication #psychology #self improvement #self help #self love #coping #mental illness #emotional abuse #maternal abuse #paternal abuse #tw mental illness

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miskatonicfolly · 2 years

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Life on Joras Headcanons

Somewhere along the line, my One Piece crossover with @ikkaku-of-heart seems to have become my main verse. hehe. So here, have some headcanons.

Life on Joras is not an easy one. There’s people suspicious about everyone. Cults always trying to perform rituals they shouldn’t. Supplies from ships never quite reaching the greatly disturbed city of Arkham. The constant fear by every denizen that the light in the lighthouse will go out. it just all makes life very stressful.

Unless you’re Herbert West.

Herbert lives in an old house that doubled as a mortuary on the edge of the Cemetery beside the Miskatonic river. He can see one of the island’s very dark forests across the river. While normally not scared, he’s also not a fool. He knows not to trust the forest and not to touch the water of the river.

Herbert is about 85% unbothered by the other going ons of the island. He has his lab at home and his job at Miskatonic University Hospital, both of which is all he believes he needs in life. The depressive atmosphere of the island, the constant unease in the peoples’ spirits, and illusive “risk of pirate attack” just have no pull on Herbert. So long as people don’t bother him, he won’t be a problem for them.

Herbert isn’t superstitious but he also isn’t stupid. Though he dare not admit it, he knows the old ones are a very real risk to be concerned about. As such, he is regularly filled with the need to check to see if the lighthouse is still bright. It doesn’t matter that Arkham is a long distance from the shore.

Herbert would prefer to be around the dead than the living. He’s highly anti-social and extremely introverted. He just does not do well with others. Luckily for him, Joras always seems to have a new crop of corpses. Corpses no one cares about because they’re usually pirates or navy that foolishly made it to the island. Corpses where it will go unnoticed if the body’s missing an arm or a head or even just the entire thing really.

Much to Herbert’s disappointment, he does suffer from loneliness (occasionally). This is difficult when you hate everyone and everyone hates you because you’re somehow creepier than what is expected of Joras citizens. Generally, Herbert has no one to cure his loneliness whenever it wishes to strike. He has an ex but the man ratted him out to the Navy for “unethical experimentation with corpses”. Luckily, those Navy disappeared/died under mysterious circumstances before Herbert could officially be arrested. He’s ex was very annoyed and the two broke up shortly after. But after that, Herbert had zero people he actually cared to talk to.

A random encounter on an island that Herbert was procuring chemistry supplies on is what led to the brightspot in Herbert’s life. He happened upon a woman (Ikkaku) working for the Heart Pirates and the two got to talking about their connection to Joras. Despite Herbert’s usual dislike of women (a bad experience dealing with his ex’s late girlfriend), he and the pirate became quick friends.

Herbert’s never really had a friend around his own age besides his ex. Most people didn’t like him (for a multitude of reasons). And the last real friend he had was a professor (that later died). So, creating a bond with Ikkaku was a strange, and honestly, almost frightening experience for Ikkaku. He feels safe being himself around her because he knows she’s not a hypocrite and her calling the Navy on him when she works for The Surgeon of Death would be extremely hypocritical.

Ikkaku’s friendship means more to Herbert than he ever expected. He is known for being extremely possessive and jealous, smothering even. Despite this, Herbert never tries to convince Ikkaku not to leave when she wants to return to her crew after a visit. He has found that her happiness means a great deal to him. So, he looks forward to her visits but he isn’t one to beg for one.

Unless, of course, someone new comes to the island and does something very, very stupid...

#A Handsome Weasel || Herbert West #Island of Misfortune || (One Piece Verse)#One Who Hails From the Island of Misfortune || Ikkaku (Ikkaku-of-heart)#Don't Heed The Call || Joras

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wiltingdecay · 2 years

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oooh sfw no. 10 for both of the Rowan ships :eyes:

shipping headcanons ask game

10. Any pets? Or plants?

Rowlian: Oh you KNOW they've got a dog. They probably almost impulsively got one the second they moved in together, but the often-ignored rational parts of their brains reminded them that it would probably be a better idea to wait until sometime after they got back from Nevivon. I imagine they'd do a bit more travelling after Nevivon, like visiting Iniscrainn (AKA Not-Ireland where Rowan's from) to see Rowan's sister and her family, and whatever country Julian's parents are from, before eventually settling back in Vesuvia about a year post-route and only leaving for the occasional vacation. THEN they'd get their doggy, possibly as a wedding gift to each other. No idea what breed it would be, but since Julian appears to have some kinda fixation on wrinkly dogs (same tbh), maybe a shar-pei? Or possibly a red setter like Rowan's childhood dog Bailey. Tbh I don't think they'd be picky, they're both massive dog lovers so any dog is a good dog.

They wouldn't want to stop at just one pet, but considering they already have Malak and Sammi (Rowan's ferret familiar) and now a dog as well as the two of them in their tiny apartment above the shop, they're gonna have to leave it at that for now. They're pretty cosily settled into the apartment so it takes them a couple of years after they get married to actually buy a house - you can thank Rowan getting pregnant with oops baby Róisín for giving them the kick up the arse they needed to actually move into somewhere with space. Sometime after she's born and they've settled in they'd get a second dog, and a cat or two as well because Rowan's still lowkey a cat person.

Ruasha: OK some background info on the Rowan/Portia ship before I get into this; I also use it as my Courtier!Rowan AU, as it's sort of an inverse of the Rowlian timeline. There, Asra becomes the new Court Magician and moves out, and Rowan stays to run 100% of the shop. The opposite happens here; following in his late Auntie Gráinne's footsteps, Rowan becomes Nadia's new Court Magician and moves to the Palace to attend to his new duties. Totally didn't move so he could be closer to his girlfriend. Nooooo. Of course, Rowan only lived in his new Palace quarters for about five minutes before moving into Portia's cottage.

Pet-wise, this is already an improvement over the Rowlian timeline. Portia's cottage is a lot roomier than Rowan's tiny old apartment, so there's actually space for new friends!! Rowan will eventually want to get a dog, but they start off with just getting another cat for a multitude of reasons; easier to bring on ships whenever they have to leave for Portia's embassador duties! Quieter and smaller so it can more easily keep Rowan company when performing his duties as Magician! A new friend for Pepi! And hell, why stop at one? They have the space for more! Get another kitty! And maybe another! But as much as they'd love to become crazy cat ladies/enbies, they do both have the common sense to know they should probably stop at three. They'd probably only have more pets than three (plus Pepi and Sammi of course, but they're more self-sufficient as familiars so they don't really count) in the event that they moved into a bigger house, or if they renovated the cottage and built on more rooms.

Rowan would also use his Palace quarters often enough, even if he's not living there. It's a good place for him to work if he's not directly needed to perform any spells. I think he'd have an aquarium in there to help him relax :] he could probably stare at fishies for hours without getting bored. Maybe don't let the cats in here though.

(Answered for both pairings) As for plants; also yes. Rowan only has a tiny amount of backyard space (curses of living above a shop smack dab in the middle of a huge city ig), but they've been able to work with what they have and turn it into a flourishing garden. It's mostly magical herbs and other plants to sell in the shop, but there's quite a lot of flowers and a few little trees that are just there to provide ingredients for Rowan's soaps, and to look and smell pretty. When they eventually move, whether it's to Portia's cottage or their house with Julian, all of these are non-negotiably being brought over to their new house and being carefully re-planted in the (thankfully much more spacious) garden. Same story with Rowan's houseplants. His army of succulents and cacti and carnivorous plants and little flower pots and the occasional bonsai (all of whom are named) are his babies and they live wherever he lives, though he'd probably keep them in his Palace quarters in Portia timeline so the cats wouldn't knock any over.

#thank you!!#asks #drustvar #rowan aisling #julian devorak #portia devorak #rowlian #ruasha #i love you i'm glad i exist #partners in crime

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skullhub · 20 days

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MUSE PROFILE: Peacock Parker (E - 110413)

Name: Peacock parker

Age: 9879

Pronouns: She/They

Height: 9'6"

General Alignment: Lawful good

General personality: Airheaded, Kind-hearted, Quick on her feet, Selfless, Insecure, Kind of a nerd, Hard-working, Somewhat stubborn, Over-Emotional, Protective,

Family: None.

Home: Rockaway beach, New york, E- 110413

Backstory: Peacock Parker initially emerged from the beta kindergarten during the very end of the great gem war. Having emerged and narrowly avoided the diamond's corrupting blast when she ducked back into the hole she created in the canyon, and after re-emerging, Peacock had been completely left alone in the middle of nowhere with no purpose, and no one of her kind left to talk to. So, Peacock created her own purpose and started integrating herself into human society. Starting out by giving those that were struggling clean water and food, and then eventually when humans had advanced far enough she started showing herself to the humans without facing too much scrutiny. She learned from them, carrying the lessons she learned from humanity with her as she grew older. Having watched generation by generation pass by her very eyes as Peacock stayed stagnant, un-aging.

No matter what, Peacock felt like she wasn't doing enough for the humans around her. She felt as though she needed to do more for the community than what she has done already. Spending a good chunk of her free time doing research and reading up on the many heroes of the world, both real and fictional. Which lead Peacock to stumble upon the first few issues of "The Amazing Spider-Man" whilst browsing the news stands on the street. Inspiring her to take the crime fighting route as she saw it as a great way to become a better neighbor to those who need defending.

As time progressed, Peacock’s crime fighting endeavors only escalated as she went from stopping bank robberies and jewelry store thefts, to halting the colonization plans of her own kind after finding out they want to wipe out all life on earth and essentially leave her all alone again on the husk of what earth used to be. Of course, she would never let that happen as Earth was more of a home to her than Homeworld ever was, nevertheless she defended it with her life all the same.

She still resides in Rockaway to this day, she’s got her own apartment, furniture, and even her own hobbies outside of her community work and superheroing job. And she has no intentions to change anything about her life and how she currently runs it at this time, she’s content, and though the world may be changing around her constantly, Peacock remains happy in the life that she has chosen for herself, and will live on to be a hero that New York will remember forever.

Extra Info: Peacock blushes pink whenever she's flustered or embarrassed.

Peacock's crown was forged by her own hand, it's the only thing besides her cape that won't retreat into her gem when she's poofed.

Peacock does not kill when it comes to fighting humans, however she has no qualms with killing anything non-human that threatens her home planet.

Peacock is not aware of the crystal gems nor Steven Universe, she has never met them nor does she have the desire to after everything she’s been through.

Peacock is considered defective by homeworld standards, her proportions and colors are her main sources of insecurity. She doesn’t really like talking about herself due to these ‘defects’ of hers.

Her casual outfit is based off of her old wrestling outfit from back when she used to compete in underground rings during the beginning of her Spider-Woman career.

Peacock can actually speak a multitude of languages, both earthly and alien, due to her gem programming. She has thousands of years worth of linguistic knowledge stored in her memories.

Peacock has a lot of experience cooking due to having worked in many soup kitchens, restaurants and bars as a volunteer. She’s still got a lot to learn in regards to her cooking skills but Peacock’s still got plenty of time to learn.

Peacock’s body can turn into spikes that can be launched out of her body after a certain period of time. Her bodily spikes can make her uncomfortable at certain points though and they make them hard for her to move.

Peacock does in fact have spider sense, but it showed up much later than her other abilities.

Voice claim: Kim Yarbrough (Kid Cosmic: Flo)

#muse profiles #blog location: spidociety #muse: peacock

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messeier · 4 months

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welcome to marina, DEVON AVERESCU ( cis woman, she/her ) ! they are an TWENTY ONE year old who has lived on the island for TWO MONTHS. word on the street is they’re currently living in MARINA HEIGHTS and works as a UNEMPLOYED.

full name — devon marie averescu.

nickname(s) — dev, demon.

date of birth & age — july 30th, 2001 -- 21.

gender / pronouns — cis woman / sher & her.

sexuality — bisexual.

occupation — unemployed, wannabe influencer.

notable features — various.

tw for neglect ( emotional ) , stage - like parents, running away, dysfunctional family dynamics.

a wall - street big shot who's wandering eye is noticed yet uncalled out by his wife thanks to her bleeding his bank account dry, and said woman is currently doing everything she can to make sure her kids do what she says … it's safe to say the averescu family is not exactly one full of love, happiness and butterflies. on the opposite spectrum, they are known for a multitude of things: money, power, and the picture perfect life that everyone wanted. it was straight out of the lifetime movie of devon’s hell.

unlike her older brothers, devon doesn’t remember her birth family. the baby of the family and easily the favorite in maria's eyes, though two boys wasn’t exactly in her plans, she decided to make it work. they’re both older than her by at least 5 years, and it’s always been a dynamic of protection – some more than others — even when they were small. an unfit mother from the start with no idea how to take care of a child when she, herself, was a child. luck would have it as devon was born, she’d have a change of heart, maybe even after a little persuading of her own mother: she’d put the girl up for adoption, hoping for the best and that someone would take her quickly she didn’t have to pray too long - maria averescu wanted her, and maria always got what she wanted, no matter what. obstacles were never something that she cared about and crushed whichever were in her path. a perfect baby girl was in her midst, and though she’d come with some .. extra side effects, it was a done deal. despite the greedy nature of the woman and future family looming over her, devon came into the world kicking and screaming. its hard not to realize that she’d come to fight for attention from her mothers more .. appealing aspects, but she did her best. a fiery personality that's never cooled down no matter how many times maria has tried to dull the spark.

before even the time she knew what was going on, devon and her brothers had been thrust into the lap of luxury ; maria and alejandro were not struggling by any means, if their expensive penthouse and fancy cars were anything to go by. nannies by the dozen and the most elite private schools were nothing but a right according to maria. it was only the best for their children, and they best not fuck it up. though money and material objects don’t replace love, which is something none of the children received in abundant amounts, or at all in many instances, it didn’t stop maria from placing devon into pageants and dance classes by the time she could walk, and even earlier than that. it's like her own pipe dream that never came to fruition. no amount of dance competition trophies could make her mother happy and getting an ‘i love you’ out of their parents was like pulling teeth, even if devon wanted to give out those three words like they were candy on halloween. while maria wanted her children to be the perfect show dogs, devon was always a wild child. even as a toddler, she did whatever she wanted and thought about the consequences long after. she has her own agenda and listens to no one but herself, choosing to put her wants and needs above most else. childhood was filled with glares from her mother and her flashy friends but the siblings stuck together. it was them against the rest of new york city. until it wasn’t.

in turn, she tried to find things to fill that void — from competitive dancing to gymnastics to singing lessons and attempts at modeling ( with her mother’s hand in the cards, of course ) , devon was a people person in all aspects. she enjoyed the mingling and different people that these things brought forth. her endeavors never truly lifted off, but she tried to meet as many people as she could. it was easy to fill the void her own mother filled this way. maybe not the world’s kindest, due to her environment, but she enjoyed being with those she considered friends. it’s easy to get lost in the big city, and even as a child, she walked with an air of thinking she owed all of the boroughs. she sticks to her brothers through it all – decidedly trying to keep a sense of hope in making real, actual friends and not people who only want to use her for her parents credit card, or people who just like the idea of being her friend. from leaving multiple gymnastics gyms due to her mother refusing to not have her daughter be a star, to her moving private schools due to the teachers not realizing her daughter’s talents. she was the only person maria really stood up for, and it came with a price — by the time she was a teenager, the mother was done trying. every time tears were shed, a dollar bill was instead shoved in her face and told to go figure it out. devon does not take well to being ignored, pushed aside, casted away. thus began the era of acting out and following in her brothers footsteps – getting in trouble at school, with other girls, with her mother’s friends children just to piss her off. and it worked. the more she acted like nathan, the decided problem child of the family, the more cracks in her mother’s back.

he’s not entirely sure where it went wrong. from one of her brothers getting arrested for petty theft ( which subsequently was removed as soon as it happened, thanks to waving cash along and a hefty donation to charity that followed, though it didn’t stop people from talking — her worst nightmare ) to herself getting expelled from another private school due to a fight with another girl to her father’s apparent affair coming closer and closer to light. things were building up, and they were, decidedly, knocked down.

it was when she was 14 that maria decided that nyc? was out. the hamptons? were in, and only to save what was left of her family “reputation” ; code word for her pride and dignity. for devon, the move from the heart of the big city to the hamptons was like, life changing or whatever. it was the end of the world for her ; trudged around the house for days, causing arguments within the family in somewhat weird hopes to reverse the decision. it didn’t work. tensions rose within the house, and devon did what she did best: try to become something akin to comedic relief, or to try and defuse the situation when she felt comfortable enough. often times she’d just sit there scrolling on her phone listening, butting in when it was necessary, but her voice was drowned out by the rest of the family yelling. it was nothing she wasn't used to, even if it stung. things got worse, and worse, until it was popped, like a balloon.

yet again in trouble. for what, devon isn’t quite sure — returning home from gymnastics practice to world war 3, she feels like she’s caught in the middle of something she’s not sure she wants to be in. it’s never like this – things thrown, words worse, and for the first time, she feels small. miniscule in comparison to the situation. they’re both pulling her into their argument and she doesn’t like it – a first, considering her already argumentative personality thanks to the environment she’s been in. it’s all kind of a blur. between packing a suitcase of her most precious items and leaving in an uber in the dead of night, watching her mother’s face slowly getting smaller in the side view mirror. nathan’s on the phone, talking to god knows who, and they’re already back in the city. 17 years old, following her brother like a lost puppy. she’s used to going to him for protection, advice, guidance, something more akin to a parental role than a sibling one — but this is more than that, now. she’s sure their mother is going to call, ask them to come back, see the error of her ways. maria has always had something with small mercies throughout their lives .. little things to give them hope that she just didn’t solely care about herself, that she had eyes on them, too. but that call never came.

i'm going to leave how devon actually came to the island up in the air until her brother is taken up, but now for the fun part ...

despite her brash nature, she’s so deeply insecure. there’s something about equating prettiness with your worth that’s been instilled in her since birth, and devon fell for it, heart tugging and all. quite literally obsessed with herself and her self image. everything has to be perfect, or else she’ll nitpick until her brain explodes, internally. it’s inherited from maria, and something she’s trying to shake, but it’s hard.

is still reconciling with the fact that their mother … never really cared, to say the least. devon had hoped that there was maybe a grinch - sized heart somewhere, able to be defrosted and put back together, even if still cracked.

is brash, will tell you what she likes, but is trying harder to be considerate of other’s feelings. she is, really.

lives in the color pink. if you don't see her wearing it, someone died, fr. a big fan of wearing odd colors to stand out, but mostly wears tiny skirts, shirts, and shorts. it's easy to use what she considers her best asset to get attention --- both good and bad, she doesn't care much. always wears shirts like this, even if they’re inappropriate.

has … a very little issue with violence, in the sense that sometimes it may be a necessary evil. not to go around slapping people, y’all. has the temper of a child and is easily annoyed, angered, or otherwise. there’s a hair-pin trigger on her emotions and most people push the button before they realize it. impulsive like no other and she rarely, if ever, thinks about consequences of her actions until they come to bite her in the ass.

the one thing her mother seemingly did right is put her in competitive dance and gymnastics. it was a great energy release, and not to mention she’s pretty fuckin’ good at it too. loves to show people those contortion tricks as a party trick.

she definitely is the type to finish tangram games on expert in one go, and she loves puzzles. anything she can do to figure out just how to complete something? it’s like, better than any drug for her.

in all honesty, she's searching for something she's not even sure of. at this point, devon wants to be known and she wants to be loved ( the eternal longing ) but doesn't want to expose herself to such, out of fear of yet - again having to be uprooted for one reason or another.

is not very nice -- in fact, can be quite mean, though unintentional. doesn't know how to really let people know she's joking, considering she tends to be a bit too honest, and doesn't have much of a clue when it comes to social cues. but she tries! sometimes. not really and not much.

though if she doesn't like you, you'll know. constant back-handed insults and things of that nature instead of her general lack of self - awareness. it's hard to tell, but when it increases ten fold, it will become obvious.

loves her brothers more than anybody in the world. is fairly sociable, but still looks to them for cues in a lot of unsure social settings, because their upbringing was fairly abnormal. on the other hand, definitely can’t keep a secret. doesn’t know when or how to shut up. has to make her opinion known in 80% of all social settings, or else she’ll literally be like a kettle exploding if she doesn’t let it out.

trained in dance ( of all kinds ) from age 4 to around 13, just before they moved, competitively and just on her own in a studio in nyc. no amount of trophies or crowns from these made her mother proud, and that realization kind of was like a knife to the gut. half the time maria didn’t even accompany her daughter out of state, instead allowing dance company employees to keep watch of her. it stung, to see the rest of the girls with their moms, knowing full well her’s just didn’t care.

does what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it. if there’s something devon has her sights on it, she’ll do anything in her power to get it. no if ands or but’s about it, lads. has a lot of drive and competitive nature to be the best that was instilled in her as a kid, so now she kind of looks at life like a competition.

#marina:intro

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dearyallfrommatt · 7 months

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Family Bibles & Old Picture Books, Halloween Edition

Having a conversation with Momma is a trip. Ask her a question, especially when she's already been wound up, & you might get an answer. You will definitely get an answer that bounces from topic to topic, none with any reasonable connection to the original answer and rarely to each other. You will also get a borderline embarrassing info dump of her family's history. You know how Claudius told folks he was working on a history of the Julians, his family? It's like that but with a lower-middle class, blue-collar family of Mississippi country people. Not rednecks or hicks and definitely not hillbillies, but country people. It's her thing and she's been doing that for as long as I've known her.

She's having a minor medical procedure tomorrow, one of those things old folks have to do to stay alive. It's nothing major but her diet's restricted. In a question about what carbonated drinks can and can't have, she jumped from topic to topic at least eight times in the span of less than three minutes. I never did get an answer, either. This is needed information because I'm having the same procedure next month, as I am officially in the "Gettin' Old" phase of life.

I did learn something terribly interesting, though. My maternal grandfather - someone who looms large in Momma's family history - was a twin and his brother died when I was very young. I don't think he made sixty. Pawpaw made eighty but just barely. Anyhow, both of their wives had the same name.

Not too crazy, I know - one of those cute coincidences that make Reader's Digest lists - but there's something y'all can't get. My grandmother had a very unique first name. Her middle name is a different story, but she had the same name as my uncle's wife. I've never or seen this name anywhere and it's probably a mispronunciation of a name from Classical Rome that Southerns had a thing for around the latter quarter of the nineteenth century.

The only thing interesting about my family is that we're pretty dull. No Faulknerian secrets or hidden shames, just generation after generation of mechanics, farmers, and teachers. We were always good at what we did and could always be counted on to do what we said we'd do. We're still like that, and we still spend just enough time at work as they need to have a family, own where they live, and indulge in their hobbies, usually hunting and/or fishing.

They don't misbehave much, either. Pawpaw's daddy ran a moonshine still and my cousin's middle boy has done time for selling pills. He's straightened himself out that, acknowledging that while he had many talents, he was too dumb to sell drugs. His words and he's a good kid.

It's always the core running thing, but in-laws get absorbed in and treated no differently. Divorced in-laws become persona non grata with a thoroughness Joe Stalin would have admired. And for the most part, everyone's successful middle-class bourgeoisie, the American Dream played out. There was darkness and even though people back then didn't consider it darkness, it was still pretty damn dock. No millionaires, though my uncle's assets count. His surviving son played a season with the Rockies minor league team before deciding he didn't like the life. That's about it. My brother and I have both been in bands you never heard of, but we had fans and sold CDs. That is stretching and I ain't going to pretend it ain't. And alcoholism, but that's almost background noise in those days. Nobody farms anymore but everyone works the Land. The Land is very important in my family and deserves a capital letter.

They're just boring and doing pretty good, basically. Typical middle-class Mississippi, right there, still fixing machines and working the land. But this new revelation and the generational vengeance tropes seen in a multitude of horror movies and books, give me pause. What if my family is cursed? I'm the only stone loser and absolute square peg in the bunch. Furthermore, apart from my brother, I'm the only one who'd agree the fictional family deserved said generational vengeance. My life is fucked up flatter than hammered horseshit because I'm carrying the retribution for my family's sins, which are still not all that unique or interesting.

There is a certain... poetry to it, you got to admit that.

#family #Halloween story #family bibles & old picture books

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awritersreads · 2 years

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(WRITTEN ON: 18 October 2022, published late due to reasons)

Currently Reading: Restore Me by Taherah Mafi

QUESTION: Who is/are your favourite book character/s? And why?

This one is hard, given the way characters just seem to carve a route to my heart and live there rent-free but if I have to choose, I'm happy to say that I do have a list of tenants, though in no particular order at all.

Percy Jackson

I think most people at least go through a phase of having him as a favourite character or a comfort character. In all honesty, Percy is definitely in my top 3 characters, and I simply adore Kelphead.

I love this guy for a multitude of reasons, not only is he super funny, sweet and adorably dorky but Percy's also the perfect example of a positive, boys will be boys.

I found his POV amazing, it was hilarious, light-hearted, fast-paced and so much more.

He was one of my first comfort characters and this guy is honestly one of the main reasons I have such a positive attitude towards my ADHD.

I feel like I did a terrible job explaining why I love Perce so much but I don't know, here's my feeble attempt at explaining my affection for this hyperactive little puppy.

And one last thing to add: while there's nothing wrong with having a crush on Percy, I mean a good chunk of the fandom either does or did, I can truthfully say that for whatever reason I just didn't fall for him and so romantic or physical attraction to him doesn't at all play a part in this affection.

Hermione Granger

I adore Hermione to an unknown, probably never-ending length.

She was the first character I just felt that click with and she's always been an inspiration to me and has helped me to feel a lot more secure in my own skin and under my crazy curls.

She's also inspired me to speak up in class even when I was embarrassed, she's inspired me to be proud of my nerdiness, to keep trying to do my best, and to be ambitious but work hard to achieve those ambitions.

And she cries all the time. Which I love. This helped me to be more comfortable expressing my own emotions and become more comfortable with vulnerability and not chase after an idealised, stupid version, of strength and intellect.

Hermione also shares the same greatest fear as me; the fear of failure, of never being good enough, as we see in Prisoner of Azkaban. Which I could (and still can) just relate to. It was honestly so wonderful to be able to have that in common with her.

Although the thing that most drew me to Hermione was that she wasn't just perfect.

We see her put in so much effort for her good grades and that was extremely validating for me, the reason being that I already adored Hermione and am super hard on myself about just being smart. Sometimes I used to feel as though if I were truly so smart I should just be able to do everything, just like that, but seeing Hermione working so hard for all of her successes was liberating for moi.

Harry Potter

I just love this guy, okay?

And I also can't count the number of times one of his lines or thoughts made me laugh so hard I choked-often when both laughing and choking were not too great to be doing, like say 1AM when you're re-reading Half-Blood Prince and are supposed to be sleeping.

The HP series are also the books that had a massive impact on me, not only for Harry's amazing sass but because he really helped me to grow as a person, for the better, and he taught me bravery, strength and his point of view, and his story, always has been an escape back home for me.

And also, this boy screws up, all the damn time.

I just can't not love him for that, it helped me get over my perfectionism issues alongside Hermione.

And again, he says stuff like:

‘Yeah,’ said Harry, ‘but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone.’

(Order of The Phoenix)

‘There's no need to call me 'sir', Professor.’

(Half-Blood Prince)

‘Why are they all standing around that manky old boot?’

(Goblet of Fire)

("Listening to the news! Again?") "Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.

(Order of The Phoenix)

Cyra Noavek

She is badass, yet sweet. Hard, yet kind. Strong yet weak. Daring yet sly.

When I need to do something that scares me and I need to be strong Cyra's book is the one that's coming with me.

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