#Spirits in the Shadows Okami | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pearlsephoni · 9 months

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At the End of the Sun, Chapter 12: A Brief Return

Can also be read on AO3!

Rating: T

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Kagehina (Kageyama/Hinata)

Characters: Shoyo Hinata, Tobio Kageyama, Natsu Hinata, Mama Hinata

Word Count: Chapter: 7.4k; Whole Work: 160k

Summary: A bit of good news finds Shoyo venturing away from his and the wolf's isolated home for the first time since his arrival in the mountains.

A/N: Originally published on AO3 on February 18th. Further author’s notes can be read on AO3.

The next day, by some blessed stroke of luck, the wolf returned from the mountain with news that the yamakumo plants had not only survived the storm, but had held onto enough flowers for Natsu. Even better, true to his word during the storm, he really did only need one more week to gather the last blossoms.

He appeared at the fence just as the sky began to turn pink, startling Shoyo with the sudden streak of black he made through the yard. “Take this,” he huffed when he skidded onto the engawa. The bag around his neck swung with his heaving breaths, forcing Shoyo to take an extra few beats to untie it and spread the contents over the flower-drying mat.

“Oh…spirits, we—!” He bustled around to gather the rest of the already-dried flowers, laying down another sheet before spreading the delicate petals and leaves and roots out.

“We have enough,” Shoyo breathed. The spread of leaves and flowers made a weight lift off of Shoyo’s shoulders, a weight he hadn’t even noticed until it was already gone. “We…we finally have enough.” He turned to the wolf with a smile so wide, his cheeks ached. “Natsu will be okay! If I can take this home—”

“You can’t.”

A spike of horror stabbed through Shoyo. “…What?”

The wolf avoided his eyes, staring instead at the leaves with his ears pressed flat against his head. “I’ll take it to her. You…you still have a few more months with me, it hasn’t been a year yet.”

Understanding smoothed away the shock, making an unsteady smile rise to Shoyo’s lips. “I’ll come back. I wouldn’t go back on our deal, and I don’t want to. I want as much time with you as possible, Okami-san.”

Just like that, the wolf’s eyes jerked to Shoyo’s, ears pricking up with surprise. “…Oh.”

Shoyo moved towards him to smooth his hand over the black fur that was still raised over his neck. “Let me go home,” he murmured, smiling as he watched those blue eyes flicker closed with his pets. “Let me see my family, and give the medicine to Natsu, and then I’ll come back. I promise.”

A sigh huffed out of the wolf, before he leaned his head against Shoyo’s hip. “…Okay. But you have to come back in a week.”

“Alright.”

“And you can’t tell them anything about…me. And what I become at night.”

That made Shoyo’s hands pause, his fingers tightening just a bit in soft, thick fur. “Why not?”

“It’s bad enough that I’m the strange wolf that took you away. Your family doesn’t need more reasons to distrust me.”

His heart clenched with pity and understanding, but Shoyo was careful to not let any of it show on his face as he sank to his knees and looked the wolf in the eye. “You’re not just the wolf that took me away,” he reminded him. “You’re the wolf who’s been keeping them safe, and you’re the reason my sister will live.”

The wolf’s ears twitched, and his voice sounded just a bit less tight when he murmured, “Still. Please just…don’t tell them. And come back soon, Sho.”

“That’s not fair,” Shoyo laughed softly. “You can’t just call me that to get what you want.”

“I can if it means I’ll have you back sooner.”

Oh, what Shoyo would do to be able to press a comforting kiss to the shadow’s lips in that moment. Instead, he had to settle for resting his forehead against the space between the wolf’s ears. “You will. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Good.” There was a gentle lick at his throat before the wolf pulled away. “It’ll be dark soon. If you pack now, we can leave at first light.”

Shoyo couldn’t resist letting a knowing smile pull at his lips. “Trying to get one more night with me?”

“I’m trying to make sure you don’t get lost in the dark, dumbass,” the wolf grumbled. “Why? Do you have a problem with spending another night together?”

He didn’t. Even if he did, the shadow would’ve wiped those problems away the moment his arms slid around him that night. They didn’t do anything, didn’t let their hands wander. Shoyo had even forced himself to properly wear his yukata, knowing anything less would lead to him giving in to the shadow and getting no rest.

Their kisses were slow, tender, almost lazy with how languid they were. There was no urgency, no bright flames of need, just a sense of safety and certainty in their love that made Shoyo press closer and hold tighter.

“Will you come see them with me?” he murmured into the hollow of the shadow’s throat.

“No…I’ll just take you to the edge of your woods. This is the first time they’re seeing you in almost ten months, I don’t want to get in the way of that.” He smoothed a gentle hand over Shoyo’s hair, moving his bangs for him to press a kiss to his forehead. “Don’t worry about me. Just enjoy your time together and come back to me in a week.”

“I will.” Shoyo brushed his lips against the shadow’s pulse. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.” His words were punctuated with a surprised squeak from the shadow pinching at his waist. “Hey!”

“Quit saying stupid shit.”

“You think everything I say is stupid.”

“Yeah.”

“Wha— don’t agree with me, you jerk!” He pounced on the shadow, pushing him to his back and straddling his waist to the sound of his grunt. “Take that back!”

“No.”

“You’re so mean, Okami-san,” Shoyo sniffed. “It’s like you won’t even miss m—mmf!” His words were cut off by the shadow’s stubborn lips, licking into his mouth like he was trying to steal his words directly from his tongue.

Shoyo melted into him, helpless against his slow kiss and his hands curving him into his body. “I said,” the shadow grumbled when Shoyo was well and truly kiss drunk, “stop saying stupid shit.”

“Make me.”

When he fell asleep that night, his lips were swollen from kisses and his arms were wrapped tight around the shadow. They felt uniquely empty the next morning, though his usual pang at waking up alone was eased by the sight of the wolf sitting by the genkan, tail neatly settled around his paws. “We should go soon,” he said by way of greeting.

Shoyo didn’t bother teasing him beyond a snort. “Give me some time to change and eat, and we’ll go.”

They left just as the sky was shifting from pink and orange into a light purple and blue. Shoyo had only tread the magically-manipulated path between his home and the wolf’s home once before, but it still felt surreal to walk it again. It was bad enough that he’d already spent a full year in Edo. Now it had been several more months, almost another year, since he’d seen his mother and sister. And unlike the daimyo’s pilgrimages, these months away had left Shoyo feeling deeply, fundamentally changed.

Maybe it was the effect of being isolated with the wolf. Maybe it was the effect of realizing magic was real. Maybe it was the effect of falling in love. But for the first time in years, he felt nervous to see his family again. What if he wasn’t who they remembered? What if they didn’t like who he’d become?

“Shoyo.”

“Huh?” He jolted out of his thoughts to see the wolf at his side, not leading the way. “What?”

“Quit thinking so hard, it’s not good for you.”

“Fuck off,” he laughed with a gentle shove at the wolf.

The wolf rocked with the shove with nothing more than his soft huff, before pinning Shoyo under a sharp, observant gaze. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He frowned at the wolf’s disbelieving growl. “Honestly, I’m fine! Just…nervous I guess.”

“Why? You’ve spent longer away from them, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, but…this is different.” Shoyo’s fingers sought the wolf’s soft fur like an instinct, and the wolf tilted his head into his touch just as easily. “This time I have you.”

The wolf fell quiet, his flicking ears brushing Shoyo’s wrist and fingers as the meaning of his words sank in. He only spoke again after licking at his fingertips. “…Calling me a bad influence?”

Shoyo blinked in surprise, but the sight of the wolf’s lazily swinging tail and pricked up ears told him he was joking. “You said it, not me.”

“Oi.”

“I’ve spent almost a year living with a wolf. Who knows what kind of wild habits I’ve picked up?”

“Oi!” A warning nip at his fingers made Shoyo laugh and begin running away, leaving behind a bewildered wolf. “Wai— dumbass, you can’t run faster than a wolf!!”

“Prove it!”

“You little—” With a grumble, the wolf broke into a run, chasing after Shoyo down the winding path and over logs and rocks that got in their way. The snow that was still on the ground cushioned Shoyo’s steps, but also made him work harder to hurry forward. The wolf had an unfair advantage with his paws that were better suited to running on snow, and in a frankly-embarrassing few minutes, he was knocking his head into the backs of Shoyo’s knees.

The snow was thick enough for Shoyo to feel safe letting himself fall to his hands and knees, though it also seeped into his pants and made him shiver with the icy cold. “You jerk!” he laughed, trying and failing to pin the wolf under a glare. He couldn’t do it, not when the wolf was playfully lowering his face to Shoyo’s while his tail wagged eagerly.

“That’s what you get,” the wolf sniffed, satisfaction clear in every word.

With their silly chase distracting him, Shoyo didn’t take note of the trees around them until he pushed himself to his feet and properly looked around. His heart leapt at the sight of that familiar, paper-like bark and the stubborn moss still visible beneath the melting snow. “We’re close!”

“Oh.” The wolf gazed down the path, nose up in the air before he gave a slow nod. “Yeah…yeah, we are.”

His reluctance was obvious, and it tempered Shoyo’s burst of excitement. He stepped forward to give a comforting scratch behind the wolf’s ears, a smile pulling at his lips when the wolf leaned into his touch. “C’mon,” he whispered.

The moment they stepped out of the woods and laid eyes on the house, Shoyo felt all his nerves get washed away by a bone-deep sense of relief and comfort. A year would never be enough to change the instinctive feeling of being home.

“Go ahead,” he heard by his hip. He looked down to see the wolf sitting in that polite way of his, ears quivering as if he were fighting the instinct to lower them. “I’ll see you in a week.”

Before the wolf could disappear into the woods, Shoyo crouched in front of him and scruffed the thick fur at his neck. “I’ll be back before you know it,” he murmured, resting his forehead against the wolf’s.

“That’s impossible, dumbass,” the wolf rumbled. “Just…get back safe. Enjoy your family.”

A gentle lick at his throat made Shoyo’s heart squeeze as he pressed his lips to the soft space between the wolf’s eyes. “I’ll miss you,” he whispered into the fur.

“Me, too.”

“Try to keep the house clean and yourself fed, okay?” He giggled at the teeth harmlessly pressing at his jaw.

“Dumbass,” the wolf repeated, fondness clear in his voice and shining from his eyes. “Go, Shoyo.”

“I’m going, I’m going.” With one last kiss to his head, Shoyo slowly pushed himself to his feet and readjusted the pack on his shoulders. “See you soon.”

“See you.” When Shoyo still didn’t walk away, the wolf nudged his leg with a small growl, pushing him, laughing, into the first steps away.

He turned away, determined not to look back at the wolf—he couldn’t be certain he wouldn’t run back for one more hug. But he broke right at the entrance to the yard, looking over his shoulder at the forest.

There, right at the edge of the trees, sat the wolf, as neat and prim as he’d looked the first time they met. When he noticed Shoyo looking, he stood up and let out a sound somewhere between a bark and a howl, before turning and disappearing into the trees. It was like he’d known Shoyo would be tempted to run back to his side.

So he made the choice for him, leaving Shoyo standing alone at the edge of his childhood home.

“Shoyo?!”

He whirled towards the surprised gasp, and was treated to the sight of his mother standing frozen on the engawa, a broom in hand.

There was a beat, a breath, where neither of them moved. Then, in a burst of movement, she was dropping the broom and running across the yard, heedless of her house socks and thin yukata. By the time the broom hit the wood porch, Shoyo was being grabbed into the tightest, warmest hug he’d gotten in almost a year. “Hi, Mom,” he choked into her shoulder, her arms wrapping a little too tight around his shoulders and back.

“Oh…oh my goodness…my baby…is it really you?” Just as abruptly as she’d grabbed him, she pulled away, holding him firmly by the shoulders and giving him a thorough scan.

When her eyes met his, he let a bright smile stretch across his face. “Hi.”

“Shoyo,” she breathed, gazing at him in what he could only describe as “awe.” “How are you here? It hasn’t been a year, did something happen?”

“Sort of…but a good something!” he quickly reassured her when he saw panic flash in her eyes. “I’ll tell you inside, you’re gonna freeze out here.”

“I can’t freeze when I’ve got my little sun back,” she cooed. She pulled him back in, pressing countless kisses to his temple and cheek before she let him hook his chin over her shoulder.

He laughed the entire time, letting her rock him back and forth and enjoying holding her again. The feeling of her shivering in his arms finally made him pull away. “You’re shivering, Mom, let’s go inside.”

She acquiesced, though not without winding their arms together, sticking close to his side on the walk back into the house. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?” she murmured, her low voice doing nothing to hide the tremble from her shivers.

“We got the yamakumo,” Shoyo murmured back. “The wolf picked it all, and I dried it out. Natsu will be okay.”

His mother froze, gaping at him with wide eyes and only moving when Shoyo gave a gentle tug at her arm. “It’s done?” she gasped.

“It’s done!”

“Then you’ll stay home?”

“Ah…no.” His heart sank at the way her smile faltered, then tightened. “I made a deal, Mom. My year’s not done.”

“But…I thought that maybe…” She sounded so disheartened, almost defeated, that Shoyo desperately wanted to explain everything: the wolf’s strange circumstances, how Shoyo suspected they tied into the year-long deal, and the way it all somehow led to him falling in love with the wolf.

But the memory of the wolf’s low request for his secrecy kept Shoyo from confessing everything. All he said was, “I’ll be okay. It won’t be for much longer, and he…if I had to do this with anyone, I’m glad it’s him.”

He could see his mother fighting the urge to argue and try to convince him to break off the deal. She gazed at him with sad eyes, and he met them steadily, until she sighed and tugged his head down for another kiss. “You’re a better person than me, sweetheart.”

“Don’t say that, Mom.” Before she could insist, he bustled her into the house, grabbing the broom from the engawa on the way and balancing it against the wall of the genkan. “How’s Natsu doing?”

“Nii-chan!!”

As if summoned, Natsu was smiling at him from the bottom of the stairs, her eyes sparkling despite the sweat beading on her forehead and the slow, careful breaths she was drawing. Her cheeks looked like they ached from how wide her smile was, and Shoyo knew she wanted nothing more than to run and jump on him like she’d always done.

But because of her weakened lungs, Shoyo was the one to run up, sweeping her up in his arms with a sung, “Natchaaaaaan!” Her laughter rang around the room, though he had to quickly set her down and rub her back when her coughs overwhelmed her giggles.

“Shoyo—”

“Sorry,” he interrupted, sending their mother a guilty grimace. “I couldn’t resist!”

“It’s okay,” Natsu croaked, her weak voice offset by the return of her bright smile. “Nii-chan, why’re you back?”

“That’s the first thing you say to me?” Shoyo gasped. “Maybe I should leave!”

“Nooooo,” Natsu whined between peals of laughter. “I didn’t mean it like that!!”

“I know, I know.” He brushed a few stray strands out of her glittering brown eyes. She was practically a young woman, but she still looked at him like he’d hung the moon. He dreaded the day that changed. “I’m…I’m not back for good, Natchan.”

Just like that, the shine in her eyes disappeared, washed away by stunned disappointment. “W…what? Then why…but…but you’re home.”

“I know, but it hasn’t been a year yet. Oka—uh, the wolf let me come back to make a special delivery.”

His words pulled his mother’s attention back to the pack on his back, and alerted Natsu to its presence. “What’s that?”

“Oh!” their mother gasped. “That’s right, bring it here, come, come—”

She hustled her children back up the stairs, directing them to her small workroom. It doubled as a storeroom, with a wall of sprawling shelves filled with countless labeled bottles and jars and tiny boxes. She slipped past them to spread a sheet out over the floor, before holding her hands out for the pack. Shoyo wordlessly handed it over, watching with bated breath as she carefully plucked out each sprig and blossom, laying them out with a sense of order that he could only guess at.

Several minutes passed in a silence that was only broken by the gentle rustling of the leaves and plants. For once, Shoyo was satisfied with standing still, letting Natsu lean on him as her weak lungs made it more difficult for her to continue standing. When their mother finally spoke again, her voice seemed to chip at the silence more than properly break it.

“We have enough.” She slowly turned to face them, and Shoyo’s heart stuttered at the tears in her eyes and the minuscule smile on her lips. “You did it, Shoyo. You got us enough.”

“Not me,” Shoyo murmured, instinctively matching her quiet tone, “it was Okami-san.”

“Who?”

He blinked. There was a furrow between his mother’s brows now, paired with a bemused tilt to her smile, and it made his cheeks feel on fire. “Uh…the wolf. I—I meant the wolf.”

“Oh…” The furrow disappeared as her brows rose. “You must be close now.”

Damn him and his burning cheeks. Anything he said would immediately be seen through, especially by his mother. And despite that, he still stammered, “I…yeah, I guess. Aren’t you two close with him, too? After all his visits?”

“That’s true,” his mother sighed with a soft laugh, “He’s sweet, and he clearly cares about you. That means this year hasn’t been as hard as it could’ve been.”

Relief should’ve filled him at the reassurance softening his mother’s features. But all he could feel was guilt—here was his family, no doubt worrying about him for the past several months, without realizing that he’d been spending them filled with dizzying bliss and falling in love. He tried telling himself it was a silly thing to feel guilt over—what did it matter, as long as Natsu got the medicine she needed?—but it did nothing to ease the weight in his stomach. “Yeah,” he whispered, “it…it hasn’t been hard, outside of missing you. He’s been…he’s the best person I could’ve done this with.”

He didn’t notice his slip until he saw the furrow return between his mother’s brows. Neither of them could say anything though, not before Shoyo’s attention was stolen by thin arms wrapping tight around him. “Thank you, Nii-chan.”

Her voice was so soft, so small, that Shoyo’s guilt weighed even heavier. “Don’t thank me,” he whispered, pulling her close by the shoulders and pillowing his cheek on her bright hair. “It was the easiest choice in the world. And I didn’t do the hard work—it was all the wolf.”

“But you were alone for so long.” Natsu’s voice caught, though Shoyo couldn’t tell if it was caught on the threat of tears or on a suppressed cough. He wasn’t sure which was worse. “You were alone with a stranger for a year. And he never would’ve done any of this if you didn’t agree to that.”

“Yeah, but…I wasn’t alone, not really. And he’s not a stranger, not anymore.”

It was the understatement of a century, but Shoyo didn’t know what else he could say. He certainly couldn’t confess that he’d fallen in love with the wolf, especially when both Natsu and their mother didn’t know he was really a human. Even expressing how much he cared about him felt impossible.

The little house at the foot of the mountains had truly become a bubble to him, tucked away and only popped every-so-often by the wolf’s sister. The sheer��impossibility of everything had let Shoyo get swept away in his feelings, even more so than he usually would. What did it matter that magic existed, that it had been used to trap a young man in a wolven form, that he was only truly himself at night? Shoyo was used to all of it now. He only cared about the home they’d made and the lonely, awkward, kind man he held at night and loved with all his heart. It was easy, when it felt like they were the only people in the world.

But now he was back in the real world. It was just for a week, for a whole week, the longest he’d been away from the wolf since the start of their year together. There was such a sweet joy in being back home with his family, and such a sweet agony in being parted from his wolf.

Hiding the ache in his heart made it worse, but he couldn’t let his family notice it, especially his mother. Not only would that welcome his heavy guilt back into his stomach, but it would welcome more suspicion and questions.

At least he had the comfort of home and his old chores to distract him, plus the added work of turning the yamakumo harvest into the tea and incense Natsu needed to heal. With any luck, the busy work would also make it easier for him to conceal his bittersweet longing.

☾

He lasted all of four days.

Those four days weren’t a success because of any skillful deception on his part. He only made it through them because he and his mother were so focused on preparing the teas and incense for Natsu. It was painstaking work, requiring a focus from their mother that Shoyo hadn’t seen in…he couldn’t remember how long. He worked at her side as much as she would allow him, only stepping aside when she asked him to take care of a regular household chore or when Natsu came searching for some company.

Everyday, she toiled away in her workroom, and every night, Shoyo had to carefully persuade her to go to bed, reminding her that going without sleep just increased the risk of some part of the process going wrong and damaging their precious supply of yamakumo.

All that hard work paid off. On the fourth day, their mother disappeared into the kitchen as they finished breakfast, and emerged with a tray bearing a small tea set. Understanding, hope, and anxiety robbed Shoyo of his voice, leaving him silent and wide-eyed when he caught a whiff of the steam rising from the teapot.

Natsu was a little slower to understand. “Mooooom, I don’t want tea yet. I’m still really full.”

“It’s not tea, sweetheart,” their mother murmured, “not like we usually drink.”

It took another moment for Natsu’s creased brows to smooth out, replaced by her face growing pale and her eyes widening. “...Really?! You already did it?”

“As best as I could, yes.”

For a moment, Natsu almost looked like her old self, especially with the rush of emotions washing over her face: disbelief, excitement, hope, nervousness, dread, worry, fear, gratitude, and more. “Wow,” she finally managed, her voice breathless, “you really are amazing.”

“Anyone would work this fast for their child,” their mother said almost dismissively. “Come on, drink.”

She set the tray on the table in front of Natsu and immediately set about pouring her a cup. “The flavor will be strong,” she warned her daughter as she worked, “but it’s so that you can take in as much of the nutrients in the plant as possible. If you can, try to drink the petals at the bottom as well.”

“The petals?!”

“Please, Natsu, we need to make sure you take in everything possible.”

Natsu grimaced, but she obediently took the cup and stared into its contents. “Thank you for the tea,” she murmured against the glazed clay. Then, with a final, deep breath, she tipped her head back and drank it all down with three gulps.

Shoyo felt his heart in his throat as he watched her drink…only for a laugh to burst out of him when she lowered the cup and revealed a disgusted twist to her face. “Grooooss,” she whined, “Can I have some water? Stop laughing, Nii-chan!”

“You look like you stepped into poop,” Shoyo snickered as he passed her a cup of water. “That bad?”

“The petals are stuck to my teeth,” was all she managed before chugging the water.

Their mother watched with a small, quiet smile of relief. “How do you feel?”

“I feel okay…kinda sleepy.” Natsu’s frown was confused, even though she’d been feeling sleepy for a while. “It’s different though…it’s not because of the cough.”

“Do you feel bad?”

She shook her head at Shoyo. “No…just tired. Can I go sleep, Mom?”

“Of course, love.”

Shoyo cleaned up the meal as their mother helped Natsu back up to her room. He was in the middle of sliding the table and cushions back into the closet when their mother appeared again. “How is she?”

“Out like a flame,” she laughed. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen her sleep so well.”

“That’s a good sign!” He hurried over to squeeze her into a hug. “You did it, Mom. It’s going to work.”

“I hope so,” she murmured into his shoulder, hands smoothing along his back. “It wouldn’t have happened without you, little sun.”

“It’s not just—”

“You and your wolf,” she corrected with a soft laugh. “He really was the best person to help us, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, he— wait, what?”

His mother pulled away to pin him under knowing eyes and a sad smile. “You said it yourself. He was the best person you could’ve made this deal with.”

“M-Mom, that was just…it was just a slip of the tongue,” he tried to laugh. His voice just came out shaky and uncertain. “I’m not really used to a talking animal, so I guess I just…messed up a little, you know?”

“Shoyo…don’t lie to me.”

“It’s not— I’m not—!”

“Tell me the truth. He’s not just a wolf, is he?”

“I can’t…I don’t want to talk about this.” He slid out of her arms and slipped to the kitchen, listening to the sound of her footsteps following him with resignation.

“Don’t walk away from me!” she called, hot on his heels. “What is going on? You never hide from me like this, you’re worrying me!”

“I’m not hiding!” He was, down to keeping his face stolidly turned towards the wash basin as he began washing the dishes. “I just…it’s complicated, and he can’t tell me everything, and I promised I wouldn’t say anything—”

“So you’re choosing him over your mother?”

“That’s not fair, Mom!” His hands ached from how hard he was scrubbing at the dishes. “I would tell you if I could! But I made him a promise, and I can’t…I can’t break it. Not to him.”

“Sweetheart…” His mother caught his hands when he reached to pump out more water, making him turn and face her with gentle pressure. “Can you just tell me…what is he?”

“A wolf.” The words left his lips automatically, a response prepared in a pathetic attempt to protect himself against his mother’s insistent questions.

“Shoyo, look at me.” He hadn’t realized his eyes had drifted down until he obeyed the quiet order. His cold dread solidified to ice under her searching gaze. “He’s a talking wolf. Can he talk because he’s really a person?”

“I…I can’t…”

“It’s a yes or no question.”

It should’ve been the easiest thing in the world to tell her “no.” But the lie stalled in his throat, choking him and rendering him silent.

That was all she needed. “Who is he?”

“…I don’t know.”

“Don’t be silly. What’s his name, what does he look like?”

“Mom, I don’t know.”

She fell still, brows furrowed in confusion. He took his chance to slide his hands out of hers and finish washing the dishes, the clicking of ceramic chipping at the thick silence that had fallen over the kitchen.

“You…,” she finally managed, “you don’t know what he looks like?”

Again, he was silent, and again, that was all the answer she needed. “Shoyo, do you mean to tell me you’ve been living with a man you’ve never seen?”

“I’ve seen him as a wolf,” he muttered, part of him hoping his words would be buried by the sound of pumping water.

The omitted details rang clear to his mother. “You’ve never seen him as a human,” she repeated slowly, deliberately, “but you have…spent time with him? When? At night?”

His lips stayed sealed. It didn’t count for much.

“…Shoyo, are you sleeping with him?”

“Mom—”

“No, we’re done with you trying to avoid this,” she snapped. “Tell me the truth.”

“We…we sleep in the same room, yeah.” It wasn’t a lie, not really, but her narrowed eyes pushed him to keep talking before she could call him out. “And we talk. He’s less awkward as a human and he talks more in the dark. He’s a good person, Mom, he really is. I…I really…I care about him. So much. I care about him, and he’s done so much for us, and I couldn’t even keep his secret—” Guilt rose bitter like bile in his throat.

“Oh, Shoyo…” His mother’s sigh made his shoulders shoot up to his ears. She sounded so…so tired, so defeated, that he already knew what she would say next. That didn’t make it any easier to hear. “You’re in love with him.”

He didn’t mean to cry. He hadn’t even noticed his eyes stinging nor his throat aching. But the quiet, matter-of-fact statement from his mother made a sob burst from his lips before he could slap dripping wet hands over them.

“Sweetheart…” He let her coax him to her shoulder, the fabric of her yukata immediately becoming soaked from his tears. “Honey, what happened?”

“I dunno,” he sobbed, “I don’t know, he just…he’s been through so much, and he still tries so hard—he almost died getting the yamakumo, he nearly froze to death, but he kept going back, he got enough, he did that for us, and I didn’t—” He hiccuped on a sob. “I didn’t know I could feel like this, I love him so much it hurts, and I promised him, I promised I wouldn’t say anything—”

“Blame me,” she whispered, stroking gentle fingers through the back of his hair. “Blame me and my intuition. I know you too well, little sun, I could feel your worry for him this whole week. But…I’m worried, too.” She waited for his sobs to fade away before she carefully peeled him away, holding him pinned under her worn hands and sharp eyes. “If he can change from a wolf, then how do you know he doesn’t change into a monster? What if…what if he’s some sort of kitsune, or something else, something terrifying?”

Shoyo’s instinct was to refuse. Maybe he hadn’t seen the wolf’s human form, but he’d definitely felt all of him, and he was intimately familiar with the smooth skin and lean muscles that made up his body. He’d never felt any tails, nor any fur or scales or anything of the sort. Surely he could trust his sense of touch more than his sight anyway? All the folk tales he’d heard featured youkai tricking humans by looking normal. He hadn’t had the chance to be fooled that way.

But a small, traitorous part of his mind reminded him of all the secrets the wolf still insisted on, brushing off questions with the promise to explain at the end of their year together. What if one of his secrets was that he wasn’t human? Or worse, that he was human, human and someone terrible, frightening?

Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve met his sister. His sister…who also didn’t tell Shoyo anything, including her name.

He shook his head hard, as though he could physically dislodge such thoughts out of his mind. “If he wasn’t human,” he murmured, “he wouldn’t be so ashamed of whatever happened to make him like this. I trust him, and he trusts me. He…he loves me, Mom.”

His heart clenched at the shine of tears in his mother’s eyes and the sad smile on her lips. “You are so like your father,” she sighed, cupping his face and brushing her thumbs over his tears, “so recklessly trusting and desperately faithful in the good in people.”

“Is…that a good thing?”

“I hope it is. I really do.”

☾

Within the three remaining days Shoyo had at home, he could already see and hear an improvement in Natsu. She still wasn’t able to go hunting or run her usual errands in town, but she could go up and down the stairs without assistance, which meant, for the first time in months, she could actually put away her futon and come do some mending by the fire pit in the main room. More often than not, she still ended up falling asleep, slumping sideways until Shoyo caught her and gently lowered her to the floor with a folded blanket beneath her head. But seeing her move around the house again made it feel like summer had arrived in the middle of winter, and the sight of her napping by the fire instead of holed up in her room brought a lightness to their mother’s features that Shoyo hadn’t been sure he’d ever see again.

The thought of being the one to wipe her relief away made guilt taste bitter on his tongue. But the thought of leaving the wolf waiting, worried and alone, if he put off his return felt even worse.

“Tomorrow?!” both mother and sister gasped over breakfast.

“Yeah…I promised I’d come back after a week,” Shoyo murmured, a little too focused on picking the last grain of rice from his bowl.

“But…but what if…”

“There’s some shopping I need to do while I can leave Natsu with you,” their mother interrupted Natsu’s sad stammers. “Do you mind, Shoyo?”

“Of course not!” He could only hope his nervous suspicion wasn’t clear in his voice or eyes. Thankfully, his mother seemed a bit preoccupied as they worked together to clean up their breakfast, and a look at Natsu showed him that he wasn’t the only one bewildered by her sudden urgency.

“Has she really not gone into town since I left?” he asked Natsu once their mother had left.

She shook her head, a tiny furrow appearing between her brows. “She only goes to a shop or two because she doesn’t want to leave me alone for too long, but…she’s definitely gone…”

Foreboding curled in Shoyo’s stomach, tightening into a knot when their mother returned and was strangely secretive with her purchase.

The next day, he was proven right to be nervous. His mother had already insisted on him taking a seemingly endless supply of medicines and herbs that didn’t grow near the mountains, a gesture he appreciated, but that also forced him to spend a little extra time to pack everything carefully within the things he’d already brought himself.

He was just tucking the last bottle between the folds of his packed clothes when his mother appeared at the cracked-open shoji screen to his room. “Almost done?”

“Almost,” he hummed, sitting back on his heels to sweep his gaze around the room in one last scan.

“Sweetheart…” The quiet call brought his attention back to his mother, who was watching him almost nervously. “Have you been sleeping alright? Are you still having those dreams?”

His eyes widened, and he felt his cheeks burn with a flush. How could he explain the way the dreams had changed? What would she say if he told her that the manifestation of his familial duty had changed, morphing into the wolf and everything they meant to each other?

He couldn’t explain. He didn’t want to explain, especially after their tense conversation. So he just nodded and said, “Yeah, but…they’re not so bad now. I think…I think living with the wolf has helped? The dreams don’t bother me as much anymore.”

At the mention of the wolf, his mother’s lips pressed flat, but all she said was, “Well, that’s good. I still got you something that might help. Do you have space for one more thing?”

His brows furrowed, but he still nodded, silently watching her slip into the room and kneel next to him. She was gingerly holding a small package wrapped up in a pale green cloth. “I…I got this yesterday. I want you to take it, just in case.”

Uneasiness prickled hot and uncomfortable through him, even as he took the package and quietly laughed, “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Yes, I did.”

The short answer and solemnity in her eyes pushed Shoyo to carefully unwrap the package. What fell into his lap made his uneasiness harden into thorns pressing against his skin.

First was a candle holder, a thin dish with a spike in the center for the candle and a small circle at the edge just big enough for his finger. Then, falling with a quiet clink, came a candle.

It was unlike any candle he’d ever seen, small and slender with delicate patterns carved into the sides. And its color…it was a color between blue and green, like the color of the sky on a cloudless day, or the sea when the sun glittered off of it. It was beautiful, the loveliest thing he’d held in a while, and every nerve in his body wanted to shove it back at his mother.

But he didn’t. He let his gaze drift up from his lap to meet familiar brown eyes that watched him with mute worry. “Mom…what is this?”

“You don’t have to use it. But…if you have trouble sleeping, this can help. The scent will help you sleep a little deeper, and it’s been made to not shine as bright, so it won’t wake you or…anyone else up. I…I imagine you don’t have any other candles in your room.”

The unspoken confirmation of his suspicions made Shoyo feel sick. “No,” he choked out, gathering up the candle and its holder to push it back at his mother. “No, I can’t, I can’t, you know I can’t—!”

“I know, I know,” she hushed him, catching his hands and carefully lowering them back to his lap. “You don’t have to use it, love. But I would feel better knowing you had it, just as an option.” Shoyo’s lips twisted, ready to bite out another refusal, but he was silenced by gentle hands on his cheeks. “Please take it, Shoyo. Take it for my peace of mind, hm?”

His fingers tightened around the candle and its holder until the metal creaked ominously. “…Fine,” he murmured, “but I’m not going to use it. I already broke one promise, Mom, I can’t break another.”

“Alright.” The quiet agreement belied the intensity in his mother’s eyes as she watched him re-tie the package and bury it deep in his pack. She didn’t say anything else, just took his face in her hands again and pressed a kiss to his forehead, before leading the way downstairs.

There, waiting for them by the genkan, sat Natsu, tying something in her hands and looking up at the sound of their footsteps. “Hey, Natchan,” Shoyo greeted her with a melancholy smile.

She didn’t return his smile, just watched him with sad eyes as she carefully pushed herself to her feet. “Are you leaving?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah…yeah, I have to go soon if I want to get back before dark.”

“…Oh.” Her fingers tightened around woven thread, reminding her of what she was holding. “Oh! Here.” She held the woven strap out to him, waiting patiently for him to step close and place his wrist against it.

“What is this?” he asked as he watched her tie it securely beneath the last bracelet she’d made for him. This one was simpler than the beaded leather strap, but it was still lovely, a mix of deep greens, warm browns, and pale yellow. The only adornment was a thin silver bar with delicate, sweeping curves carved into it. The design was rubbed almost smooth, and Shoyo couldn’t recognize it until Natsu finished tying the bracelet, letting him hold it closer to his eyes. The sight of a small crow flying over a sun made his gaze jerk back up to Natsu’s. “This…this was Dad’s.”

“It was both of ours.” Shoyo could feel their mother’s warm presence at his shoulder, and held his wrist up for her to see as well. “He made that for me when he was learning metal-working. I would give it to him when he had to leave for the pilgrimages or any other long trips, and he would give it back when he returned safe and sound. He left it home when he was sent on the sailing trip, and then…” Her breath caught, and without another word, Shoyo and Natsu wrapped her in a hug.

Shoyo could remember returning from his first metalworking class and grumpily comparing his misshapen knife with the delicate perfection of his father’s bracelet. His father had untied the leather strap and let Shoyo run his fingers over the design with a gentle touch that belied his frown. “Keep at it, kiddo,” he’d laughed, ruffling Shoyo’s hair. “One day you’ll be able to woo a special someone with what you create.”

“Mom,” Shoyo murmured now, his words muffled in her shoulder, “are you sure?”

“Yes,” she breathed, “take it with you, and bring it back when you’re safe and sound.” She pulled away with a kiss to his temple and a wavering smile. “Go on, sweetheart, before it gets too dark.”

There was an ache in Shoyo’s throat as he pressed kisses to his mother’s cheek and Natsu’s hair, an ache that sank to his heart as he tied his overcoat and shrugged on his pack. And yet…there was also a bittersweet tinge to their farewells this time, one that made his steps out of the yard and his final wave to his family hurt a little less than before.

He wasn’t heading out to some strange unknown. He was leaving the warmth and love of one home, and returning to the warmth and comfort of the man he loved. In the dizzying joy of reuniting with his family and seeing the yamakumo already work on Natsu, he’d been able to set aside his longing for the wolf. Now a flickering flame of eagerness glowed brighter and warmer with every step he took through the woods, every step that brought him back to his side.

He might’ve been consumed by the fire of his excitement…if it hadn’t been for the weight of the candle, and the betrayal it threatened, sitting heavy on his shoulders.

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swoot-swoot · 1 year

Text

I wish I could go back to the first time I finished Okami.

I remember the first time I played Okami HD. I had a PS2, sure, but the games I could play there have been monitored. Growing up with a brother that never appreciated a side that could have been more empathetic or leveled meant that we usually chose games like San Andreas, Pro Evolution Soccer and the rare shooter... and then the replaying of these games ad nauseam.

I played this game after a rather weird breakup. Well... some time after a breakup. Maybe a year. I still felt stuck, though. Heartbroken, cheated and unloved. In that moment, I distracted myself as I always would. In a personal project, I would end up looking for games from my childhood that I glimpsed and never played. Okami, Oddworld, Yakuza, Shadow of the Colossus. And second in this entire journey... was Okami.

I was lucky to even run the game. In my life, there have been big ups and downs where I couldn't have the necessairy hardware. So when I bought Okami HD, it was in a time where I could plug in a controller in my PC at the time and just... go for it. Finally realizing what I never played.

For a month, a magical journey through a stylized land of Gods and Spirits, drawn to remind and call back to traditional tapestry, would unfold with every play session. All the while, reminding itself to have fun with colorful characters and gags. A game that knew its limitations graphically, and wasn't stopped by that. A light-hearted adventure through mythos... and yet, when it was all over, it made me cry. I sat through the entire credits section, softly sobbing and smiling at what I went through. It was inspiring, soothing and powerful. Every moment of the game, crafted with care and love, and it only hits you once you realize the stages went through were not meant to be "levels", but a wide array of people that you helped, like a benevolent deity that came to their lives and ran wild. Listening to their many plights and finding the answers. Actively helping people for no gain. But because you can - you can and you should. And realizing how much you changed their lives at the end of the game was powerful. Knowing you made the world a better place.

When it was all over, I cried for things beyond the ending. It was... done. And at that moment, I was thrust into the world again. I remember feeling this sort of ecstasy wearing out once I realized that the feeling would come to pass once the world choked me out again. So I cried. Because since the ending of that game, since that one day, nothing has felt quite like the end of the journey. I have tried to take the mantle and offer that sort of love I saw. It works... but there are times where this empathy seems to run dry. Where my energy for other people dies, and I try my hardest to rebound back to my feet. But I always manage. Yet the hardest part always is that the world seems to not need you. You can give out love, but out there, it really feels like everything else will try to step on your throat and choke out what you want to do. And always - always - because you have to survive...

Shortly after finishing the game, outside sources tried to force me to take active action on things that were barely my choice, if even my choice at all. Forced trips, large periods of time in other places, without anything or anyone to know, and for reasons trivial. All while your voice doesn't matter against them. Constant reminders of "what must be done" and "how you should act", killing me every day as I was not allowed to take things one day at a time. Shortly after my journey through a land shaped from empathy, I broke down and could not act on them. My own pace forced to go quicker for no apparent reason, stealing from me the ability to deal with my own problems in the ways I know how to. Years later, I still avoid handling problems. A habbit that I can't get rid of. I freeze in anxiety, my heart beats faster and I can never cope against it.

I still listen to the soundtrack, though. I still feel the tears, every time I hear Reset and Theme of the Celestials. The mark of some things never really washes out. I will always look back at the beauty I was presented, the confidence with which this game carried itself... and a feeling yet unmatched. In my hardest times, I always take a moment to go back. Every time, I try to go back to the first time I finished Okami. Where things seemed like they would evolve with love - given and received - a promise that was crushed. And yet, a glimmer of hope through all the sorrow. I want to fight back. I want to live the rest of my days like that. I know I'll figure it out sometime. Definitely later, rather than sooner. Maybe this textwall is the first step towards it rebuilding resolve and learning to live with anxiety.

I may only hope.

"Life is all about resolve. Outcome is secondary. It is resolve that determines the value of your life." - Waka

#vent blog #okami hd #gaming #feelings #emotions #nostalgia

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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 1 year

Note

Oh yeah Can you do me a Favor and minus those two brain points that I just gave him muzan?

if he's calling ingo a dog thennn

Then it would be

Inu

That's a Japanese word for dog

[ Anonymous: and for Wolf it is Okami

A part of that word is kami which is for spirits/gods. why didn't you give him Spirit powers. It's better than darkness and then we wouldn't have this problem with the hat. And we can just have a freaking god-tier pun.

Also it doesn't turn my brain to think that you can use darkness breathing when it's supposed to be come form the light of the Sun. How do you reverse that? Is he breathing in reverse ??? I can cope. just give me a bit. nvm demons get stronger in the darkness how the fuck is ingo doing this shit?? ]

"how is ingo using sun-born powers for darkness" how do the water slayers turn sun into water. how do you turn sun into insect. or love. why does special metal with sun powers turn colors like a mood ring when you pick it up. how does any of this work. are you really trying to get the worldbuilding of demon slayer to be consistent and non-contrived. cmon man that's not what we're doing here

anyway with the understanding that this is going to be an in-universe justification for what is, out of universe, "hey you know what would be aesthetically cool and make for a good twins duality," what ingo is doing isn't just the darkness of nighttime that demons rely on. this is Advanced Darkness. darkness as a mode of aesthetic communication for something that blinds demons and humans alike, confusing the mind and senses, overriding the potency of night with another force that bends only for him. for the breathing thing, if you wanted to get fun with it you could even say that most demon slayers activate techniques on the exhale, but ingo's work on the inhale. he's disarming for unprepared demons to fight bc he works sideways, on the off-beat: none of them expect the shadows to hurt them.

also not sure how i feel abt okami bc i think it maybe conveys too much like, respect. power or whatever. this is muzan's name for him, remember, so i think it should sound vaguely derisive and not quite like an actual name. so inu would maybe fit better keeping that in mind.

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #anonymous #poke slayer #or maybe other people call him okami but for muzan he's inu #idk

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oldschoolretrogames · 6 months

Link

#Game #PlayStation3

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yrpspiritsintheshadows · 4 years

Text

Quiet Storm

Eiji had to be careful driving up the dirt roads to the house. He didn't mind it most of the time but in harsher weather it could get a little dangerous.

He could barely see as the rain came down around his car. It was a rough evening so far and he was very much looking forward to getting a shower and getting into bed.

This is all Chase's fault.

"OH! THE BARN IS TOTALLY FINE! THE CLIENT SWORE THERE WAS ELECTRICITY TO PLUG IN ALL OF OUR SUPER SENSITIVE EQUIPMENT." MY BUTT!

WE NEARLY DROWNED IN THERE!

The investigation would've gone off without a hitch if it hadn't been raining to a point where the very old rooftop borderline collapsed, soaking the investigators with a heavy dose of rain and waterlogging some of their equipment.

"I SWEAR TO ALL THE DEITIES IN THIS WORLD AND SEVERAL OTHER DIMENSIONS I WILL KILL YOU!"

"Eiji,! EIJI NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!"

Eiji took off his sneaker as Chase bolted out of the barn to his car.

"GET BACK HERE AND DIE LIKE A MAN!"

Now, he was soaked, tired and so very much wanted to sleep. He would have to fix the equipment later but for now, getting warmed up, food in his stomach and some sleep… sounded so decadent.

Eiji pulled in, making a run for the door as thunder boomed over head. The warmth of the house greeted him as soon as he was in the doorway.

"I'm hoooome!" He called, kicking off his sneakers, not wanting to catch Carmen's wrath for dirtying up the floor.

Ken ran up to him, letting out a squeal.

"Daaadddy!" He moved in for a hug, only to have Eiji put a hand on his head to stop him. "Hey!"

"Kenny, I am soaked to the bone and super cold. You don't wanna hug me right now."

"Eiji-Oh my stars, go upstairs, now!"

Eiji wasn't entirely sure if he was overjoyed to see his wife… or terrified as she ran at him with a towel she pulled out of the linen closet near the kitchen.

"Carmenita-OOF!"

Overjoyed, definitely overjoyed with a hint of terror. He just kept quiet, letting her fuss over him before wrapping the towel around his shoulders.

"Sorry, I'll do the laundry tomorrow." He kissed her head before heading on upstairs. "Where are the twins?"

"Pool. They remembered we had it." Carmen replied, warmth in her eyes. "So, they're just being little sharks."

Eiji smiled softly. He was relieved to hear that. Any bit of the boys being more comfortable with their new home he considered a victory.

"That's great to hear." He stifled a small yawn. "And remind me to pick up one of those huge giant chocolate bars from Costco tomorrow…"

"Already did that dear, same with the industrial size tin of cookie dough." Carmen nudged him. "Kenny, you can go back to your brothers. I got your old man."

Eiji gave her an offended look.

"I'm not THAT old yet!"

Ken tilted his head, looking up at his parents.

"But… You're thirty."

"N-Not yet! Twenty nine!"

"Okay! Love you, Daddy!" Ken darted off, a spring in his step. "Hikaaaa! Dekiii!"

Eiji slumped a bit against Carmen, sighing heavily.

"My son called me old." He whined.

"He didn't say that." Carmen giggled, kissing his head. "C'mon, let's get you warmed up."

"I love you."

oooooo

The storm outside was only growing worse. Normally, on nights like this, Eiji would set out his crystals and collect some of the water for cleansings.

Tonight, he was just content to curl up with his wife after managing to tuck their children into bed.

He gazed down at her, kissing her forehead. Carmen smiled tiredly up at him, cupping his cheek.

"You're such a cuddler."

"I can't help it." He chuckled, bringing her closer, kissing her cheek.

They had a small lamp going in their room so it wasn't entirely pitch black.. And one in the hall so the kids could make their way around without tripping over themselves.

The house shook from a particularly loud rumble as lightning flashed across the sky… and the power went out, the room going pitch black.

Just as Hikaru and Hideki screamed.

Eiji fumbled for his phone, turning on the flashlight.

"I got them."

He didn't need to as the door was thrown open. The two teenagers were holding their phones for substitute light but they were pretty shaken up.

"Oh, oh, oh…" He frowned, getting up, Carmen doing the same.

"Oh, Ninos… Was it the storm?"

Hideki hugged Carmen tightly, burying his face.

"There was a storm on the sea when I was alone…" He mumbled. "I hated it."

Eiji held out an arm as Hikaru threw his arms around him sniffling. He could feel how bad the teen was shaking.

"They shocked me once…"

They held the two close, exchanging a worried look.

"Do you wanna stay here tonight?" Carmen asked, concerned.

"If it's not too much trouble."

Eiji shook his head, giving a gentle look, making room on the bed for them.

"Right here. There's a reason we got a king sized bed." He chuckled.

"Thank you… Sorry." Hideki frowned, climbing onto Carmen's side of the bed. She laid down, bringing an arm around him.

"I got you baby. I'm right here." She stroked his hair, running her fingers through the long strands. He closed his eyes, a churr escaping his throat.

Hikaru climbed in next to his brother, tucking Hideki's head under his chin.

"Nii-san…" Hideki mumbled.

"I gotcha.."

Eiji was about to climb in… as a small sniffle was heard from the doorway. They all looked over as Ken stood in the middle of it, Okami beside him.

"My night light went out." He whimpered. "Can I stay here?"

"Of course, Ken." Eiji lifted him up, getting into bed. Hikaru shifted as Ken curled up between him and Eiji.

A large weight sank into the end of the bed as Okami started to climb up.

"No!" Carmen sat up, pointing to the doorway. "DOWN! Go lay down!"

Ken sat up, giving her a kicked look as lightning illuminated the room.

"Mommy, she's scared too… Pleeeeaaase?"

Carmen winced.

"There's not enough-"

Before she realized it, the boys were all giving her the same look. She sighed, lying back down, bringing the blanket back up.

Why can I never say no to that FACE?

Okami hopped up, laying across the foot of the bed, curling up into a ball.

"See? She's not causing any trouble." Hideki yawned, closing his eyes curling up more to Carmen. She smiled softly, kissing his head.

"I know, Mijo. She just hogs the bed."

"So does Hikaru."

"HEY-"

Thunder rumbled around them as the twins gulped.

"That was really close…" Hikaru whispered, bringing the blanket up over his head.

Eiji frowned, stroking his back.

"It's okay buddy, we're safe here. The house is solid brick, nothing's getting past it." He gave him a reassuring look as Hikaru hesitantly looked up.

"Promise?"

"Promise. I'd never let anything happen to you guys."

Hikaru smiled a little, huddling close.

Eiji stroked his back.

"Are you afraid of…" Hikaru yawned, trying to keep his eyes open. "Anything?"

Ken gave him a confused look, nuzzling down into his pillow more.

"Daddy's never afraid of nothin'."

Eiji smiled gently, shaking his head.

"I'm afraid of lots of things, honestly. They're just things that most people don't have to worry about… or things that every person worries over."

"Like what…?"

"Well… losing you guys." He replied. "Hikaru, getting you here was one of the scariest moments of my life because I was worried about you."

Hikaru's eyes widened a little.

"Eiji…"

"You guys, mean the world to me. Even if at the time I didn't know much about you I already loved you." He smiled softly. "You're my kids. I love you guys more than life itself."

"We love you too, Daddy!" Ken chirped.

Hideki let out a quiet snore.

Carmen chuckled, kissing his head.

"We all love you, Dear."

"Yeah…" Hikaru laid his head back down.

He hadn't thought about it that way.

He goes above and beyond… even for people he doesn't know.

His eyes grew heavy as sleep threatened to take him under any second. The storm outside was starting to quiet, his family was all around him.

This was familiar…

When Aika and Daisuke were alive, sometimes, they'd all sleep in a pile together, huddled close to one another. Especially when they had spent a few months living only in the ocean, that was the only way they could sleep.

He closed his eyes, curling up into a ball.

"Night… Dad…"

Eiji gasped a little, eyes going wide in shock.

He hadn't expected that. He looked up at Carmen who had a similar look.

Hikaru had a smile on his face, fast asleep.

"He… He just…"

"Eiji…" Carmen covered her mouth. "He just…"

Eiji wiped at his eyes as they stung with tears of pride… and relief.

"He… He called me Dad…"

He reached across, taking her hand as they gazed down at their children.

It hadn't been easy. Parenting never was, especially with how fast things had changed…

But they were theirs.

All three of them, safe and sound.

"I love our family, Eiji." Carmen whispered.

Eiji smiled, nodding.

"I love them too… I love you all more than anything."

He brushed his thumb across her wedding ring, tracing it as his eyes closed.

"Goodnight."

#Spirits in the Shadows #Spirits in the Shadows Eiji #Spirits in the Shadows Carmen #Spirits in the Shadows Ken #Spirits in the Shadows Okami #Spirits in the Shadows Hikaru #Spirits in the Shadows Hideki #Hideki Miyamoto #Hikaru Myamoto #Eiji Miyamoto #Ken Miyamoto #Carmen Miyamoto #Family #paranormal #Storm Arashi #Yellow Rose Productions

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starsofdarknebula · 4 years

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Fox spirits (a little guide)

Ever since I did my pass life regression session and learned more about my spirit animal. I thought to make a little guide on Fox spirits. These can be your traditional fox or the more “special” type ones such as the 9 tailed foxes. I’ll be talking about the asian based kinds mainly in this post.

Classification: They can range from being a fairy, demon, succubus/inccubus. Even a full blown deity (of there own.) They also mimic that of a vampire.

Crystals: Hematite, Amber/copal, Malachite, Flourite, amazonite, Unakite, Obsidian, mookaite, laborite, charoite

Offerings: Perfume, jewelry, fried tofu, alcohol, blood, sexual energy, fruit, meat, rice, flowers, gold like items, candles, incense, spiders, butterflies, crystals, red wine, oil, tea, wax, azuki beans, water

Herbs and other items: copal, cemetery dirt, bones, patchouli, rose, cherry blossom, damiana, bergermot, cinnamon, clove, clinatro, gardenia, ginger, jasmine, lavender, lotus oil, orange, sweet pea, vanilla, ylang ylang, nutmeg, saffron, ginko, cayenne, sage, kava kava, dong quai, sandalwood, peppermint, dragons blood,mrryh, bamboo, juniper berries, opinum, westeria,

Can help with: attractiveness, wealth, boost in sales, to keep a lover faithful, protection and luck. Also to avoid trouble.

Kata/Mantra: U AAA AA NA MAEDTAA SANGKANG IMASMING DTAEMAASANG UBPAE MAD TUDTI DTA DTI UBPAE MAD

NOTE: Even as a demonic entity who is a trickster, they can be very loyal to there owner and very protective. There are males and females, and are devas. Some may or may not try to possess you. They are very powerful spirits that should not be messed around with in rude or mean ways. With amulets or Yin cards, they are generally made by a Buddhist monk and is blessed at the temple. They use things from herbs, pollen, metal, etc. Yin cards are made of containing earth fairy spirits such as corpse oil, corpse hair, corpse bone, seven tombs,Coffin nails and so forth. ALSO they get hungry quick.

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luxrayz64 · 4 years

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why are ppl getting heated over an arms character being added to smash I thought they were mad over byleth bc fe is overrepresented but like this is the first time we've heard abt arms like at all since it released

y'all asked for under-represented series

arms is that

#that was my main issue w byleth just.... there are So Many fe characters #but arms has one assistance trophy and some spirits so. give me the noodle girl/twintelle #hoes mad #if it's springman or whatever then that would disprove the trophy = disqualified rule #which means. shadow for smash real #there are few spirits which does the same thing #at the end of the day all I want is. Okami Amaterasu in smash. otherwise I Don't care #espeon cries #they fucking announced ultimate and okami HD switch port jn the same direct I was so sure it was gonna fucking happen im still mad #is springman an assist trophy? I don't know actually

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yellowroseanddreamstorm · 5 years

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Meet the Miyamoto Family!

Eiji, Carmen and Ken along with their dog Okami are happy residents in the lovely town of Geistville. While strange things certainly happen around their humble home, be it paranormal or just life in general it’s usually nothing they can’t handle... Most of the time.

Be on the look out for Spirits in the Shadows next month! Starting June 9th the adventure will begin and you’ll get to meet this humble little family properly.

Stay tuned folks!

#spirits in the shadows #eiji miyamoto #carmen miyamoto #ken miyamoto #okami miyamoto #original characters #original concept #writblr #writeblr #storm arashi #yellow rose productions

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dreamstormdragon · 5 years

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P.A.C.K. FACTS

The P.A.C.K. club room back when they were high schoolers, used to belong to the Seniors, Dungeons and Dragons/Pathfinder club. They left all of their players handbooks and mini’s and maps in there. The team used them. And took them after high school, because they found they really liked the games and it was good stress relief.

There is, still table top RPG’s being played during mandated breaks from insanity. Chase usually has to arrange them.

Naomi when she was part of the group back in high school and college, used to be the DM half the time. It lead to a lot of campaigns that started to feel a little too much like their real life cases. Eiji took over a few times, before bequeathing Chase the new DM.

He takes that very seriously.

Lucian used to refuse to join in, back in college claiming he had homework to do (That he never did) during the game hours. Eventually he got talked into it and his first character a tiefling sorcerer/cleric wound up saving their butts more than they wanna admit.

They actually don’t play Pathfinder as much as they used to. They switched to 5th edition DND and never really looked back.

They talk Naomi into a legacy game, any time she’s in town with all their characters back from when they were teenagers. The same stats, level, everything. Things get insane and wild, but it’s fun.

On nights Chase, wants to be a player character, Carmen takes over cause she likes a good DnD session as anyone else.

Lucian still plays tiefling. He’s tried other species, he just prefers tieflings. Not always the same class, but he’ll try anything, long as he gets his tiefling. Currently in their “When we’re not busy and tired as heck from life and maybe need a vacation” campaign, he’s a chaotic neutral warlock.

Eiji prefers to play paladin class but he’ll try anything. He doesn’t really care what species he plays either. Currently he’s a paladin/cleric, Dragonborn.

Skyler likes the rogue class. She really, REALLY loves rogue class and her favorite species to play is the elf... although she loves rolling herself a goblin rogue every now and then.

Naomi tends to stick to human characters or human like. Her and Eiji’s legacy characters, were to no one’s surprise a set of twin half elves.

Chase, when he’s not being a DM, prefers being a half orc barbarian.

Carmen doesn’t really have any set players. She doesn’t play as often unless she really needs a mental break.

They once rolled a character for Okami, during a sleep deprived game after a rough investigation. “Doge” was for a very sleep deprived one shot where they all controlled the dog’s character. Carmen found them all passed out at the table the next morning.

#DND #Fictional characters play DND #Spirits in the Shadows #Paranormal Association Chasing Knowledge #Eiji Miyamoto #Chase Armati #Lucian Anameches #Skyler Nicks #Naomi Miyamoto #Carmen Garcia-Miyamoto #Okami Miyamoto #Okami the dog #Doge

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gravityunforgiven · 3 years

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Right Where You Left Me (Kakashi x OC)

Pairings: Kakashi x OC, Jiraiya x Tsunade, Dan Kato x Tsunade

Synopsis:

She was the daughter of a Legendary Sannin, He, a son of a disgraced shinobi. Fate brought them together but life tore them apart. Will they be able to take control of their destinies and find their way back to each other?

...Or will they be another victim of the cruel shinobi world they are both a part of?

Chapter Two

In the next few years, Akira proved herself to be a little firecracker. She had captured the hearts of those who surrounded her almost immediately. Tsunade’s days became a little brighter due to the presence of her little one, she became her world. But still, Dan’s death loomed over her like a shadow. She couldn’t stop thinking about how he was supposed to be here, how they should be raising their child together instead of on her own. She could see him in their child every single day especially in her eyes, the eyes that Dan gave her. It was so much like his that she could almost imagine Dan staring right back at her.

And even in her disposition she could see bits of Dan mixed with her own. Akira’s character was what a person could call a perfect combination of her parents. She was normally a calm and laidback personality and even as a child she was selfless and kind to others but she could also be impatient at times and prone to rule-breaking a little more than Tsunade wanted to admit.

Everyday Akira radiated happiness to the people around her. Tsunade had hoped that her daughter would remain a civillian. That she would have a normal life inside the walls of the village, never having to know the cruelness of the shinobi world. She wanted her daughter to be protected more than anything in the world. Even Jiraiya who remained put for the first year of Akira’s life, shared Tsunade’s wishes but their hopes were all too soon shattered.

Even at only a few months old, Akira’s abilities were already starting to show itself. At first, both Tsunade and Jiraiya were in denial. It was unheard to have a child of such age show that much capabilities. They shoved it at the back of their minds for the time being but when Akira’s first birthday neared, refusing the truth was no longer an option. When Tsunade entered Akira’s room full of daisies, the truth dawned on them like a bucket full of ice cold water.

She had inherited her great-grandfather’s kekkei genkai.

The Wood Release.

She was the first since the Shodai Hokage’s time to have this nature transformation and to think that when everyone finally came into terms that this Release was extinct, Akira came along, having acquired it naturally, after it skipped two full generations of her family and more than seventy years since her great-grandfather was born.

This brought fear in Tsunade’s mind. The safety of her daughter could be at risk after this discovery. It was not a secret that the Wood Release was one, if not the most, sought after kekkei genkai in the world. Not just because of its rarity but also the power and versatility it gives its wielder.

And the destruction it may cause once fallen in the wrong hands.

If that wasn’t already bad enough as it is, a shocking discovery from the Third Hokage’s wife became the final nail in the box that sealed Akira’s fate as a protector of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

“ What is that?” Biwako asked looking at Akira’s right feet as Jiraiya lulled her for afternoon nap. The child was just about to turn one and after Tsunade’s distressed conversations with Hiruzen about the safety of her child, the Hokage together with his wife, decided to pay the child a visit.

“ It showed up a few days after she was born.” Tsunade answered. She caught the startled look that passed Biwako’s face from across the chubadai as the older woman looked at her husband.

“What?” Tsunade asked, looking at the two. She knew immediately that something was going on and if it had anything to do with her daughter then needed to know. She had to.

“ Could it be possible?” Biwako’s eyes remained fixated on the Hokage.

“It makes a lot of sense.” Hiruzen recalled how Tsunade came into his office a few months after Akira’s birth. He had never seen him so frantic as she told him ever growing abilities of Akira. She said it was just a couple of flowers in the beginning and how she thought they were just reacting to her chakra but then the incident with the daisies happened and she was so sure that there was something wrong with her. Most children do not show their affiliated chakra natures until well into their childhoods when they’ve mastered their chakra control. He did his best to calm the new mother that day and assured her that it was probably because of Akira’s genetics and heritage but it never truly left his mind. Yes, it was possible that it was because she was the great-grand daughter of the First Hokage and the daughter of the two of the most skilled shinobis that the Leaf Village had come across but he always suspected that there was more behind what was seen. Biwako’s suspicions was entirely plausible given the facts.

“Shut the doors.” He instructed in a manner he was the only one who was allowed to do so.

“Have you ever heard of The Okami?” Biwako asked as soon as the doors were closed shut and they were completely alone.

“The Wolf Spirit? Yeah, from the folktales and myths.” Jiraiya’s voice had a hint of apprehensiveness, he had a feeling that he won’t like what they were about to imply. He looked at the innocent child in his arms. It’s impossible.

“Not exactly.” And so, Biwako told the tale of the Okami to the two Sannin. She told how the wolf, believed to be once a human, protected the people in the shadows. It was known for its benevolence and truthfulness and was well-respected and honored during it’s time. And when it’s time came, the Okami vowed to its descendants that when the humankind is in dire need of protection, it will once again return to the world. Up until now, it is believed that the descendants of the Okami still remains in the heart of the Kiyoiyuki Mountains.

Biwako told them that there only has been two other people recorded in recent history to be believed as the reincarnation of the wolf. The latest was during the beginning of the Warring States Period nearly two centuries ago. They all had the same mark Akira now possessed.

“You’re saying she’s a reincarnation of this wolf-spirit that hasn’t been seen in decades?”

It was the Lord Third who answered the clearly terrified mother. “We can’t be sure for now, Tsuna. We’ll have to wait until she’s older but it would explain why she developed such abilities this early. She isn’t like the other children.”

Tsunade felt like she was going to puke. Not only were her dreams of Akira living as a simple civillian were shattered but her fate to die for the village seemed inevitable.

“So she’s like a jinchūriki?” Jiraiya’s question sounded more like a statement.

“Similar, but no. Jinchūrikis have a spirit of a tailed beast living inside of them, like a seperate being. She doesn’t have that because she the Okami is inside her very core. They are one.” Biwako explained.

In the end, the four of them decided that Akira’s true nature would remain as a secret. There will be no papers linking to her true nature, only that she is a prodigy if her own right which can be easily explained by her origins. This was necessary to ensure that she would remain safe until she was ready to defend herself from those who would want to use her for their own gain.

In the following years, she would be trained rigorously to prepare her for her role as a protector of Konohagakure. A number of both current and non-Jonin-senseis were handpicked by the Hokage together with her mother and godfather were chosen to be her teachers and senseis in the upcoming years.

Tsunade was against the idea at first. She wanted to give her daughter a normal childhood like everyone else but knowing that training her is the only way to protect her, she agreed to the plan with a heavy heart.

It wasn’t easy to raise Akira on her own especially with her still not being able to really move on with Dan’s death knowing that they should be raising Akira together and her depression that was constantly making her day even harder but she did her best, the best she could manage. She thought her medical ninjutsu for the next nine years and just as she expected, she was a natural at it. That made Tsunade smile.

Much to their relief, Akira had a somewhat normal childhood, at least for the first nine years. She trained with her sensei’s on the weekends, attended the academy (sometimes) on weekdays and played with the other kids during the afternoon. Her skills were already advanced for her rank as an academy student when she was five. It was already comparable with a newly promoted chūnin and sometimes she would even spar with kids in the higher ranks.

She wasn’t always compliant though. She would skip sessions with her senseis from time to time and would play with the other kid instead, her taijutsu needed some work and her kenjutsu could still be improved. The adults took that as a good sign. They didn’t want to take her personality away and turn her into some sort of killing machine just because her destiny demanded her to.

It was during her training with Inoichi Yamanaka, a former student of her father, Dan Katō, when her nature as the reincarnation of The Okami was once and for all, confirmed. Her eyes had turned a into a bright shade of yellow, her pupils constricted to a tiny speck in the sea of yellow and her chakra that was usually associated with the color blue, became white as a snow. It was neutral. And deadly. Akira fainted after the incident and Inoichi decided to volunteer as her future master.

She was nine when her mother left. Tsunade had taught her everything she could in terms of medical ninjutsu. The top medical-nins will supervise Akira’s training from then on.

It was just supposed to be a few months of sabbatical. She just wanted some time alone to deal with her grief and depression. She wanted to be better mother for her daughter. Tsunade even asked Akira if she wanted to come travel with her and she actually hope that she would agree. She hoped that she could just whisk Akira away from her responsibilities from this damned shinobi world, she would have done so of she said yes. But like any other nine year old kid, she didn’t want to leave the place she had called home or fall behind her friends. Akira refused and instead asked her mother to bring her a gift from every town she would come and visit until her return.

And Akira didn’t realize her childhood would soon come to an end soon after her mother crossed the front gates of Konohagakure and onto the world outside.

Next up: Lots of Kakashi and Akira history.

Ask or Reblog for a tag!

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akechicrimes · 4 years

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loki appreciation agenda continues because i am speculating on the reasons why goro can change outfits. this is a super speculation-heavy post on goro’s outfit-changing abilities based on theories that loki was created through experimentation to force goro to awaken a second persona, and i don’t think i can necessarily “prove” anything in this post, but the lore on how personas work surprisingly checks out so it’s plausible if nothing else.

anyway, i think goro has two different outfits because he awakened to his “first” persona, twice.

explanation under cut:

(FIRST of all, i know there’s doylist explanations for why certain characters get new outfits and others don’t. this is a watsonian explanation because i have goro akechi brainworms and i cannot stop thinking about my boy.)

the basic premise is that your outfit is something you get when you have the will to rebel. outfits manifest when you’re in a palace that sees you as an enemy, thus activating your rebellious spirit to tell them to suck a dick.

that rebellious spirit comes from a moment of resolve: knowing that you don’t want to die, knowing what it is that you fight for, and knowing whose ass you want to beat. usually, then the character manifests a mask, hears the voice of their persona inside them, and they rip it off.

the will of rebellion also typically triggers a character awakening to their first persona. i’m going to call it the starter persona.

insofar as i can tell, a starter persona is a very specific type of persona that comes from a very specific type of phenomenon:

the manifestation of your resolve/will of rebellion

the persona you get when you awaken to your persona-using abilities for the first time

the first form of your persona

a persona that is unique to you and your soul

theoretically a persona that comes from within you, rather than an external source (e.g. shadow negotiations or the velvet room)

a persona gained under extreme duress marking a drastic resolve in oneself

a starter persona is not:

an evolved edition of your starter persona due to a moderate change in yourself (second-tier/third-tier awakening)

a new persona gained through capturing a shadow (akira’s new personas)

a new persona gained through fusing pre-existing personas (velvet room)

when a second-tier persona occurs, or a new persona is gained through shadow capture or fusing, a new outfit is not gained, because outfits come with the starter persona only.

so my theory is that robin hood and loki are both “starter” personas, even though loki was gained ostensibly way, way after goro had awakened to his general ability to summon personas. loki is not a persona that was gained through shadow negotiations or the velvet room, and loki is not an evolved form of robin hood, since robin hood and loki coexist and first-tier personas disappear when they turn into second-tier personas.

loki is basically as if goro underwent his first awakening, but a second time, and that’s why there’s a separate outfit for him, in the same way that all the phantom thieves get an outfit when they awaken for the first time.

and now i’m going to go into way too much detail about how starter personas are a very hyper-specific phenomenon that are different from the wild card ability to gain multiple personas and are also different from second-tier awakenings:

CASE ONE: wild cards

wild cards demonstrate very well that starter personas are unique in that they’re created from within a persona user, whereas other personas that wild cards can wield must come from outside sources. and even for wild cards who have six jillion personas, they really only have one starter persona (and in akira’s case, one accompanying outfit).

i think it’s alright to assume there’s something unique about arsene in relation to akira, in the same way that izanagi is unique to souji or orpheus is unique to minato. every other persona that these wild cards get have to be gotten from either capturing shadows in the wild, or from fusing captured shadows in the velvet room. they’re personas that are found from outside of the wild card, and then taken in to become one of the wild card’s masks.

by contrast, arsene, izanagi, and orpheus seem to come from “within” the wild cards, in the same way that any non-wildcard undergoes an awakening to pull a persona from inside themselves. arsene, izanagi, and orpheus aren’t gained through capturing a pre-existing shadow or fusing pre-existing shadows. so even though akira and other wild cards can wield multiple personas, all of them only have one starter persona.

i’d theorize that, although wild cards have the ability to wield many different masks, the other personas are more like impermanent additions to the general ability to wield multiple personas, which comes with the starter persona. (arsene and izanagi in particular seems really stick around even when you fuse him away, especially since arsene comes back in a second-tier awakening as satanael and izanagi as izanagi-no-okami.)

(NOW THAT I’VE SAID THAT, according to persona lore, all personas come from the sea of the soul! i did not forget. when i’m making the distinction between a persona that comes from “within” a persona user and a persona that has to be found externally, i mean that all shadows/personas ultimately come from the vast sea of the soul/collective unconscious that connects all human beings, but these personas get obtained through different ways: starter personas seem to be summoned from the sea of the soul entirely internally, whereas other shadows have to be summoned from the sea of the soul from either finding them in palaces, mementos, or the velvet room.)

akira, obviously, does not get a new outfit every time he gets a new persona, although that would have been cool as fuck. the outfit happens only when the starter persona is awakened--the persona from within akira, rather than a persona he acquired from the outside.

CASE TWO: general persona users and second tier awakenings

normal persona users don’t have the ability to find external shadows and make them into their own persona. normal persona users have only their starter persona which they got from within themselves, in the same way arsene is unique to akira, and are born from a moment of internal resolve. their personas are all “internal affairs,” so to speak.

normal persona users also have the option of a second-tier awakening, though. second-tier awakenings involve only the starter persona, a new resolve in the character, and again seem to be a persona that comes from “within.” so it seems a bit like the persona user has “awakened” a second time. it’s certainly an entirely internal event, requiring no additional personas obtained from palaces, mementos, or the velvet room.

but the second-tier persona is not an entirely new starter persona. second-tier personas are just their pre-existing already-awakened starter personas changing into a slightly different persona with the same abilities. second-tier personas inherit all the stats and abilities from the first as well, a bit as if it’s just the starter persona in a different form. so although the phantom thieves “awaken” a second time, it’s not so much an awakening so much as it is just an evolution of a pre-existing persona.

this makes sense in terms of the “personas manifest as a will/resolve to rebel” logic, too. it’s not necessarily that they manifested an entirely new resolve to rebel; their pre-existing resolve to rebel just evolved, changed, or was reaffirmed.

there’s also a visual cue for this: awakening a starter persona is a whole fucking deal involving a stressful situation, thinking you’re going to die, usually having to face some asshole in your life who abused you, hearing voices, screaming, manifesting your mask and ripping your face off. second-tier awakenings don’t involve this lmao. god could you imagine if it did. it’d actually be so funny tbh

second-tier awakenings, also, seem to be a phenomenon specific to “starter” personas, or personas obtained from within. you wouldn’t see a persona that akira got from a shadow negotiation evolve in the same way that arsene evolves into satanael, or carmen evolves into hecate, or izanagi evolves into izanagi-no-okami. you could argue that “high pixie” is a second-tier of “pixie,” but there’s no way to make pixie have new resolve and evolve into high pixie like a pokemon; pixie would have to be fused with some other persona to create high pixie. personas obtained through external means have to be fused with other personas, or absorb the life force of other personas through executions.

anyway, to get back to the point about goro’s two-outfit deal, second-tier awakenings also don’t get you new outfits. which makes sense if we assume that outfits come with obtaining a starter persona, since second-tier awakenings are just your starter persona evolving and is not actually an event in which you obtain an entirely new starter persona.

CASE THREE: haru and sumire

weird fact i forgot until i wrote this meta!! but both haru and sumire are cases of people who got their outfits and a “semi-awakening” to their personas, that then led to a period of not quite being able to actually summon their persona. so, from what we can understand, their will to rebel is there, just not solidified enough to manifest a persona.

morgana, our resident lore expert, tells us that when haru has her outfit but not her persona, milady is more or less there already, just confused due to conflicted feelings about haru’s father, and therefore can’t fully take shape. so she can sort of summon milady, but just not in an effective way that can deal battle damage.

personally i think this is just the atlus writers creating a reason to have haru in the palace in cute clothes without having her go through an awakening, so that she could awaken later for full dramatic effect. but since morgana went to such lengths to explain the mechanics of it and tell us that milady is technically already there, it’s a really interesting case study that demonstrates outfits are not something that are specific to having a starter persona, but doesn’t guarantee that that persona can be summoned.

the same thing happens to sumire: she gets her outfit sometime in october, and for some reason can use cendrillon up until she remembers that she’s sumire and not kasumi. then she winds up in a state like haru’s, where she has an outfit, has the will to rebel, and technically even has cendrillon, but she just can’t summon cendrillon. then she has to go through the whole song and dance of ripping her face off to awaken to cendrillon (which might be kasumi’s soul depending on the interpretation of the scene). and of course, from there her starter persona can have a second-tier and third-tier awakening to vanadis and ella.

but it looks like the same case as haru, ultimately: she technically had cendrillon, but wasn’t able to use it or manifest it because her resolve was jank as fuck with all her identity issues.

SO BASICALLY:

what i’m getting at is that the outfits come from awakening to a starter persona only.

a starter persona is, as shown above, a hyper-specific phenomenon in which you pull a persona out of your soul, as opposed to capturing an external shadow and adding it to your pre-existing persona abilities, or transforming your pre-existing persona into a new one. awakening your "first” persona is a thing that happens only when you dig up all the weird sediment from your soul when you think you’re going to die, generally. starter personas come from a moment of internal resolution, and the resulting persona seems to be unique to that person and the circumstances of the persona’s awakening.

really, it’s such a theatrical ordeal, too. like i mentioned before, starter personas get obtained through this WHOLE fucking ritual involving stress, hearing the voice of your persona inside you, manifesting your mask, ripping your face off, manifesting your outfit, etc, etc. (i think it’s fairly important to note that ripping the mask off is the first instance of the larger outfit showing up, too; the mask itself, the outfit, and the starter persona seem to come hand in hand.)

we already know that loki is not a second-tier awakening of robin hood, because robin hood co-exists with loki. we also know that loki is not a persona gained through shadow negotiation or fusion, because external personas that are gained through those methods don’t come with an outfit.

so it really looks like goro just manifested the internal will to rebel, and the accompanying new outfit and entirely new persona, twice.

this, actually, fits really well with the medical experimentation thing, since starter personas, the will to rebel, and the outfit seem to come from stressful situations, where the persona user, in an attempt to not die, pulls a new persona out of their soul from no external source. if the featherman game is implying what i think it is, shido’s scientists and maybe wakaba were trying to force a persona out of goro with stress and trauma, in the same way that you’d manifest a persona for the first time. these scientists were not handing him shadows to turn into personas, like how the wild card is intended to be used. these scientists were not trying to transform robin hood into a new form, like how a second-tier awakening is supposed to work. they were inducing the same conditions that you’d need to awaken a persona for the first time.

it also makes sense from an in-universe perspective, because i’m assuming that, since goro and these cognitive psientists didn’t know jack shit about the metaverse at the time, goro just told them what he knew about persona awakenings: he awoke to robin hood under duress, he reached into his soul, found robin hood there, did a bunch of yelling, pulled off his face, BAM. robin hood. so the scientists said, well, if you wanna see a phenomenon a second time, you might as well recreate the conditions from the first time, right? make him pull off his face again and see what happens.

that would explain how loki is unique to him, in the same way that arsene is unique to akira, or any of the other personas are unique to their phantom thieves. it would explain why there’s an accompanying outfit to go with loki as well--it’s literally an entirely different “first” awakening, as if he manifested the ability to summon a persona twice, rather than just adding on new personas to his pre-existing ability. and it also explains how he has two unique personas that are separate from each other.

it also explains why he never seems to, say, use robin hood while in the black mask outfit, and why he never uses loki while in the white crow outfit. it’s not a cosmetic choice; the outfit is tied to the persona he’s using at the time. the outfit is tied to the separate awakening, and the separate “first” persona that was generated from that awakening. (EDIT: goro does actually use loki very briefly while still in the white crow outfit during his boss battle, although presumably loki is not “fully” summoned because loki is blacked out/colored strangely/vaguely see-through.)

(meanwhile, hereward doesn’t get a new outfit to match him because he’s a tiered transformation awakening. a pre-existing power gets transformed. hereward even existing is also good evidence that robin hood and loki are “starter” personas rather than personas gained through external means, since shadows obtained through mementos/palaces/velvet room don’t get tiered evolutions.)

which is a really interesting bastardization of the wild card ability, if that’s actually what happened. because he’s a wild card with the ability to wield multiple personas, he was able to awaken for the “first” time twice and wield two different personas, but in an extremely corrupted way, not at all the way that wild card abilities are intended to be used.

and i know that this is all just speculation at this point, but it does make hereward look a little bit like goro managed to finally fuse together the two “corrupted” halves of his wild card ability into a singular, whole persona. something or other--growth can only occur when thesis and antithesis synthesize? ...something like that.

anyway i’ve never felt so much like matpat in my life.

#mine #meta

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