#alfred is not amused

[ghostdoodlen]

I find joy in taking Tim's coffee away.

Jason had the honors of tranking him.

#maribat #mlb #batman fandom #jason todd #marinette dupain cheng #marinette dupen chang #tim drake #say goodbye to his coffee #alfred is not amused #ibispaintx #mlb x dc #mlb x batman #dc x mlb #coffee #Marinette is tired #i am tired #its 1:52 am #goodnight #my art #Ash's doodles

[skylersprompts]

DC X DP Prompt *2*

Danny was tired. Do this, do that. His parents wanted him to study harder. Jazz wanted him in therapy. His friends wanted for him to keep heroing. His rogues wanted to fight him or in Vlads case also as his son. And the last few month the observants were breathing down his neck, because they wanted him to do his kingly duties.

It was just to much.

And as much as he loved most of them, he was about to snap. It isn't that he didn't wanted to do most of those things. It was just to much at once.

So he wrote a note and left it for Sam and Tucker to find.

His next stop was Clockwork. The ghost of time may drive him up the walls from time to time, but he also knew what would be best to do.

Since CW didn't deter him from his plans, he pushed forward into the next best natural portal he came across...

The Wayne's looked owlishly at the small white haired child on the dinner table. The boy dropped unceremoniously through an swirling lazurus green portal.

He appeared to be around 5 years old and looked just as confused as them.

Until his mood shifted and a scowl appeared on his tiny face.

"He knew this would happen and didn't tell me! This asshole!"

"Language, young sir", and of course Alfred was the first to compose himself.

#skylers prompts #dcxdp prompt #dcxdp #dpxdc #danny gets deaged #Clockwork is cackling in his tower #he didn't want responsibilitys #he also didn't wanted to be five again! #batfam #Alfred isn't amused by the swearing #adopted danny? #whom I kidding #of course Bruce is going to adopt him #Danny is trapped in a tiny body with his mind being still 15 #shenanigans? #shenanigans!

[astorianyxkings]

The first time Selina saw tiny Dick Grayson as Robin her first initial thought was "Oh a new kitten," come to find out her new kitten can freaking fly and is actually Batman's batling.

She tries to corner him once or twice, just to make sure he's okay being Batman's sidekick and baby Dick is just like "???".

Bruce starts to realize what's up so whenever he needs to distract Catwoman, he just sends Robin to charm and disarm. Selina can't plan a heist if she's busy wondering about whether or not Batman's feeding him enough.

Dick eventually catches on and is just like "guess I have a mom now too." Does he sometime have to foil her plans? Yes but technically all kids do that. Does he mediate when Bat and Cat don't wanna talk to each other? Yes but so do children of divorce.

Selina's conflicted because she really likes the kid but she's got no idea who he is. Until, she's undercover at a Wayne Gala (gotta see what Brucie has that can go) and sees this tiny kid with a scruff of dark hair and a blinding smile running around followed by his exasperated father trying to reign him in and she has an "oh shit" moment.

Bruce isn't exactly sure she knows. Well obviously he knows that Selina Kyle is Catwoman and Dick knows because there's no keeping anything from his son. But "entrepreneur" Selina Kyle is suddenly not only interested in working with WE but also interest in his son's school play.

Dick is absolutely delighted. He begged Bruce to bring her to said play and when she shows up he's all smiles. Selina is thrilled, the teachers are confused because they didn't know he had a mother. It doesn't help that from afar he looks like the perfect combination of Selina and Bruce.

Selina babysat at the manor a few times and when Bruce returns to nothing stolen, he agrees to but her down as an emergency contact for Dick's school.

The only thing she worries about is keeping him away from his aunts. Mostly because one actively drugs his dad with flowers and the other's dating the Joker and if she's his aunt there's no way the clown would be his uncle. Dick understands but is confused because it seems to him that his aunts should just date each other. Selina feels vindicated.

#I love the idea of Selina being Dick's mom #it takes Bruce embarrassingly long to realize he's casually co-parenting with Catwoman #Alfred approves because Miss Kyle always compliments him on keeping the household together #Harley doesnt understand why she cant call Robin her nephew #Ivy has to be careful Robin never gets hit with her pollen or else Cat won't talk to her until she apologizes #Bruce does find that amusing #dc comics #batfam #dick grayson #bruce wayne #selina kyle #selina and bruce are Dick's parents

[xysidhequeen]

The King and his Red Knight

DPxDC crossover fic

Part 1

Really sorry to everyone who suffered through the fact that I didn't know about the existence of readmore. I can't fix the thread now but the individual posts are better? Sorry I have like a very rough idea of how this site works 😭

Check the: The King and his Red Knight tag to find all the parts

"Go here, Danny. Go then, Danny. Go to a random cemetery in the middle of the night for no reason, Danny." A voice grumbled, accompanied by the sound of sneakers rhythmically tapping stone.

Danny Fenton, currently Phantom, sat on a gravestone, his white hair a beacon in the dark night. There were no stars in the sky for him to gaze upon, their light hidden behind swaths of smog and neon lights playing off the gray clouds.

Clockwork had dumped him here, with no explanation for why. Not that he ever really explained much when he sent Danny off on his tasks. He supposed he should be grateful, at least he was in the same when rather than being transported a thousand years into the past.

"Wait here King Phantom. You will understand in time." Danny mimicked his mentor's voice as he let himself float off the grave he'd been dumped on after Clockwork shoved him out of a portal. His body floated higher until he could flip around, his legs crossing. He sat upside down, his chin in his palm as he glared petulantly at the assembled gravestones surrounding him, his toxic green eyes glowing.

"So far all I've seen is a concerning amount of ecotplasm for a city without a ghost portal and some blob ghosts! How long am I supposed to wait here?" Danny asked the air, and the aforementioned blob ghosts who were hanging off his body, soaking in the ambient ecotoplasm he radiated at all times now.

Neither provided him with an answer to his question and Danny let out a frustrated groan as he lowered his still flipped body to look once more on the gravestone he'd been tasked with waiting on.

Jason Todd, the name read. The dates, too close together, made something in Danny squeeze painfully. He'd been young, barely older than Danny when he stepped into the portal. Only for this teenager there had been no ectoplasm to bind to his dying body and repair the damage of death and force him back into a semblance of life.

"Who were you and why did Clockwork send me to you?" Danny asked the gravestone, one clawed finger tracing the words before he pulled back with a sigh when the gravestone gave him no explanation. The dead didn't always speak, not even to their king.

Turning his body Danny looked over the rest of the cemetery. It was empty, as most usually were this time of night, of the living. There were a few shades wandering around, circling closer to him, drawn by his presence. No full ghosts though, but oddly enough there rarely were in cemeteries. This was where the dead came to rest. To remember, if they wanted to. Cemeteries were sacred spaces to the dead, much as a temple or a church would be for the living who were religious. Ghosts who still clung to life, to their obsessions, did not frequent cemeteries, did not dare trespass and disturb those who had already found their peace.

Danny himself was an oddity. He had never shied from cemeteries, enjoying the peace he found in them, the guarantee of safety offered. And perhaps, he mourned that he himself would never have a gravestone for the living to place their flowers and their tears at. Who would make a grave for someone who was both alive and dead? There would never be a body to bury for him. His human half would continue to live on so long as his ghost core remained and could fuel it.

Maybe that was why he found peace in cemeteries, for all his whining that Clockwork had dumped him here. Cemeteries were for the living and the dead, one of the only places both existed in harmony naturally. For someone who was as much dead as he was alive such a place held a certain degree of belonging for him.

Danny straightened out in the air, letting his body lie above the grave as he folded his arms behind his head and looked up at the covered sky. He complained and whined about this task, but he was secretly glad that Clockwork had given him something to do. Even if it was just 'hang out in a random cemetary'.

Ever since he'd graduated high-school, revealed himself to his parents and discovered how deep prejudice and hate could run, and he'd run away to the Infinite Realms for sanctuary while his friends moved forward with their lives, he'd felt unmoored. A ghost with no haunt. Bored was too light a word for the gaping emptiness he felt in his chest, for the loneliness clawing at him. Clockwork, Wulf, Pandora they could help chip at the ache inside of him but not banish it. Not now that his family, his friends, were spread so far apart and so distant from him.

Not that he resented their choices, their distance, in fact he'd fought for them to do just that, to get out of Amity Park, to go to college, to become more than overworked teen superheroes. Still he missed them, even if he could visit them whenever he wanted. It was becoming clear as time moved forward that the world they belonged to and the one he did were two different things.

Danny Fenton couldn't go to college when his parents had declared him dead. Danny Fenton didn't exist as far as the government was concerned. Danny Phantom couldn't return to Amity when those same parents were waiting to capture him and tear him apart 'molecule by molecule'. Danny Phantom couldn't go back when the GIW were crawling over the town like ants.

So neither Danny Fenton or Danny Phantom returned to Amity after that day. And he made sure they couldnt follow him when he ensured the portal that took his life to function never opened again. He didn't need the portal any longer to get in and out of the Infinite Realms, and it was safer for the ghosts, his subjects, if the temptation of the Fenton portal was gone.

The world of the living was not yet ready to accept that the dead didn't always stay dead. And Danny would keep his people safe until they were.

Danny jolted from his lazing state of reverie when a pulse of emotion rocked through him, the strength of it stealing his breath if he had any to take.

Fear/Trapped/Dark/Fear/Help/HELP pounded into him and Danny frantically flipped around, head swiveling, poisonous green eyes wide as he triedf to locate the source. The emotions, the plea for help, burned his core, his Obsession screamed at him.

Help/SomeonePlease/Dark/Trapped/CANTBREATHE/HELP another wave of messages, of emotions pushed themselves at Danny and this time underneath the onslaught he could hear a rhythmic thudding. Danny looked down, horror filling him when he realized the thudding was coming from under the ground. From the grave he'd been hovering over for an hour now.

Danny flew down, sending back a wave of I'mHere/HelpIsComing/I'mComing to the boy trapped in his own coffin, feeling the intense wave of relief and hope sent back before he dived into the earth as if it wasn't there. Danny paused for a moment when he passed the thick wooden coffin, seeing a boy in the dark with wide, panicked blue eyes and fingers tipped with shredded nails and fresh blood.

"Hey, I'm going to get you out of here, okay?" Danny told the boy, keeping his voice gentle, soft. The boy jolted, fixating on the only source of light, Danny's growing green eyes. Danny hoped his smile came off as calming instead of 'freaky AF' as Tucker liked to call it. He grabbed the boy, Jason, as carefully as he could and then let his intangibility wash over the terrified teen as he lifted them both out of the coffin.

When they emerged from the coffin and the ground Danny set the teen down, leaning him against the gravestone, his own gravestone, and pulled back a bit. The boy was gasping in air as if the fetid, polluted air was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted.

Danny tilted his head as he watched the boy ground himself. Now that the emotions were leveling out and his Obsession was purring in contentment rather than growling in a frenzy, Danny could feel something off about the boy.

Disregarding the fact that he'd just come back from the dead, of course. But that wasn't the oddest thing Danny had seen in his afterlife. No the boy felt... not like a normal, living human. Not even like an Amity Park resident, who all felt more than slightly liminal. No this boy, this Jason Todd, felt closer to liminal than even Jazz, Tucker or Sam, who were three of the most liminal humans Danny had ever been around.

Jason felt almost...like a ghost. But not. Danny could feel the tickle in his throat that proceeded his ghost sense but the tell-tale mist never emerged. It was as if Jason was...like him. But Danny couldn't sense a core either. Even halfas had cores.

"Who are you?" Jason spoke, breaking Danny from his thoughts and examination. Jason was looking at him with a mix of gratitude and suspicion. Which, fair. Danny had just pulled him from his own coffin and there were so many questions that could stem from all of this, disregarding all the weirdness that was just Danny himself.

"I'm Danny, Danny Phantom. Or just Phantom. I go by either. And you're Jason, right?" Danny asked, smiling at the teen and oops, yeah that was definitely his scary smile based on the slight flinch there. It wasn't his fault his teeth were too sharp now and his lips split a bit too wide.

"How did you know that?" Jason asked, blue eyes narrowing. Danny nodded at the gravestone the boy was leaning against with a raised brow. Jason turned and almost toppled over from the movement. Danny frowned as the boy caught himself on his gravestone. His skin was still pale, too pale, and as Danny watched Jason swayed again.

"Shit. You're fading. You didn't form a core and your body isn't stabilizing." Danny cursed, moving towards the boy who scrambled back, only to be stopped by his grave.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jason asked, hands fisting as he tried to rise only to fall back to the ground when his legs refused to hold his weight.

"Saving your life. The dead aren't supposed to come back. There's always a price to pay, a balance that is struck. Currently, as you are, if I don't get enough ectoplasm in you to form your core, you'll fade and turn into a brain-dead husk." Danny told Jason, tone stern and no nonsense as he grabbed him. Jason made an effort to break free, but it was weak, and even at full strength, he wouldn’t have been able to break Danny's hold. Few in this realm could.

If they had the time, Danny would've approached this situation in a far different manner, but this close he could hear Jason's heartbeat, a weak flutter in his chest, skipping beats as it tried to fuel a body that was past saving. Jason didn't have the time for Danny to approach this gently and kindly, to coax trust out of the teen like he would a feral cat.

Jason had minutes left before his ectoplasm starved body consumed itself trying to make a core and failed because while wherever they were had more ambient ectoplasm than most places, it was far from enough to sustain the birth of a halfa. Maybe if Jason had stayed dead for another year, he'd have naturally formed a core and risen as a proper ghost. But that wasn't what happened, somehow he'd gathered enough to fix his body of whatever wounds or illness had put him in that coffin to begin with and come back to 'life' but without a core to sustain his body he'd be dead, again, in minutes. And Danny was not about to watch while a teenager, another teenager, died.

"How do I know I can trust you?" Jason hissed as Danny pushed his arms down and laid his clawed hands on Jason's chest.

"You don't. But you don't have another choice." Danny said with a shrug. "Now are you going to let me save your life or not?" Danny asked, not moving his hands. He'd save Jason either way but this would be easier if Jason worked with him.

"Fine." Jason spat and Danny smirked as his hands began to glow a toxic green that matched his eyes.

Ectoplasm pooled out of his hands and rushed into Jason, filling him until the boy glowed bright enough to rival the neon lights of the city around them. The green light flared around him like an aura, slowly shrinking but getting impossibly brighter as the glow centralized around his chest until a small glowing ball of green, like a trapped star, blazed from his chest.

Jason gasped, back arching as Danny pulled his hands away and the light vanished under Jason's skin. For a moment Jason's blue eyes burned green and his hair flashed snow white before returning to black, with one single lock of unearthly white left above his forehead. Jason collapsed back against his grave, chest heaving. Danny watched, eyes full of a sad understanding.

"What the fuck was that?" Jason panted out.

"Welcome to the world of the half alive, half dead." Danny said with a smile. "Want to get a burger and talk about it?" He asked, standing up and dusting off his hands.

"Make it a chili dog and you've got a deal."

~~~~~

Fixed some typos added some lines

Maybe I'll continue this AU. Maybe not. This scene was in my head for days and I wanted to share

#dc x dp #Clockwork:And the new Fright Knight is born #Danny said im going to adopt kids from cemetaries now its my thing #Clockwork thought Danny needed more friends so he located the teenager closest to Dannys age and most compatible to being a halfa #Dani: Does this make him my brother or an uncle or what? #Bruce isnt getting this one back #not for awhile anyways #Danny has to teach Jason the ways of the halfa #He gets Jason ghost guns and Jason is very content with that #also with all the fighting he gets to do because thats like how ghosts say hello #Jason also takes one look at Fright Knight's sword and says: I want that gimme #Fright Knight and Skulker take to Jason very quickly and enjoy training him #Jason and Skulker shootouts range half the ghost zone and Danny is just amused #Eventually Jason asks Danny if he wants to help him prank his family and Danny is 100% on board #the red hood arrives back in Gotham with 100% less heads in a dufflebag but 1000% more chaos #Jason and Danny legit haunt the mannor for a few months and convince everyone BUT Alfred theyre conventional ghosts #Danny also adopts Tim during this time because Bruce obviously cant take care of this neglected child and Danny said bet this is mine now #danny phantom #jason todd #batfam #dp x dc #danny phantom au #phantom au #danny phantom fic #The King and his Red Knight #The King and his Red Knight AU #TKAHRK AU #Red Knight AU

[not-another-robin]

Clark told her it stands for "man I love fishing"

#ma Kent and alfred being besties never ceases to amuse me #narsposting #dc comics #batman #alfred pennyworth #martha kent

[shamelessexplosions]

What I've learnt about the Batfamily from Tumblr

I know nothing about Batman - I have never read a comic, I have never watched a Batman series or cartoon or movie with him in it (except from that one scene at the end of wonder woman). This is what I have learnt about the members of the Batfamily entirely from tumblr and other social media.

1. Bruce Wayne

Bruce Wayne is Batman, and his superpower is being richer than God.

He lives in a mansion in Gotham, which is basically a city entirely made up of psychos

He cannot stop adopting children

Like I'm pretty sure he sees a child on their own with a vaguely traumatic backstory and has to adopt them.

Probably carries adoption papers in his utility belt for that very purpose

I'm not entirely sure how many children he has but that's okay because I don't think he knows either.

When he's in the mask his voice is really deep and he keeps saying "I'm Batman"

When he's not he acts like a complete idiot but probably tips a waitress by paying for their collage tuition

His parents are dead and this is very important - in a world of orphans, he is THE orphan

2. Dick Grayson

Bruce Wayne's oldest adopted son

He was in the circus as an acrobat until his parents died in front of him

I think they were murdered

He was the original Robin

Then he got bored or something and moved to somewhere called bludhaven which honestly sounds Norwegian, and renamed himself Nightwing.

Has extreme big brother energy

3. Jason Todd

Robin #2 because apparently there's a second one

I think he met Bruce after stealing the tires off Batman's car (the batmobile?) and then hitting him with a tire iron which is such a power move, especially for some random kid

He died but it's ok because he fell in a pit and got better

He renamed himself red hood and became a mass murderer for a bit

I think it was just a phase?

He was trained in the way of murder by someone called Talia. He either slept with her or was adopted by her.

I hope it's the second one because I know Bruce slept with her

Likes guns

4. Tim Drake

I think he stalked batman until he found out he was Bruce Wayne

In other words this random kid did what no megalomaniac with a grudge against the furry that routinely beats them up could

But then I think he was Bruce's neighbour pre-adoption so maybe he just noticed batman flying out from under the mansion each night, which says something problematic about his secret identity

He became robin too like how many robins does one city need?

Jason refers to him as 'replacement' which seems cold given 1. He himself was a replacement and 2. tim got replaced as well

I think he's Red Robin now, so clearly not too interested in change.

5. Damien Wayne

Bruce's biological son with the aforementioned assassin/murder trainer Talia.

Was in something called the League of Assassins but left to find his father, which given the name is the League of Assassins sounds like a smart life choice

Talia may have sent Damien to Bruce so she didn't have to deal with a teenager, but it also sounds like he left after an argument with his grandfather and League head-honcho Ra's so not sure whats going on there

Also Robin but I think at this point someone is taking the piss - possibly Batman

Feral Child(tm)

Likes swords

6. Cassandra (Cassie/Cass) Cain?

Maybe her surname is cain? Or maybe it's not?

I'm really confused because I'm pretty sure there is both a Cass and a Cassie in the Child-soldier Justice League and I think one of them is a bat-family member and one of them has something to do with Wonder Woman and they may or may not be the same person

Was an assassin involved in the same organisation as Jason and Damien

Is this where Bruce Wayne is finding his kids?

Was a Robin too (yay for feminism, boo for originality? Get some other names for your feral murder children Bruce)

Now called Spoiler and likes purple

May have at one point been batgirl?

7. Duke ???

Honestly I have no idea, I've just seen his name a couple of times

He was probably Robin at some point - they all appear to have been Robin at some point

I think he likes the colour yellow

8. Stephanie Brown

Another person that I have only vaguely seen the name of

She might have dated one of the batkids, Tim maybe?

May or may not be a batkid herself

May be batgirl, or maybe that was Cassandra, or maybe both. There have been so many robins nothing would surprise me

9. Barbara (Babs) Gordon

Daughter of a police commissioner

hacker

Her father may or may not be aware of her extracurriculars, but Commissioner Gordon has a massive flashlight for summoning batman when he needs help with a case so I don't think he has any room to talk

Goes by Oracle

Not a proper batkid but I doubt that stops her being on the family Christmas card

May have at one point been a Batgirl?

But at this point I'm just guessing everyone was batgirl

Maybe Duke was batgirl!

May use a wheelchair but I'm not certain

10. Alfred Pennyworth

Indeterminate age, may be immortal

Bruce's bulter

Raised Bruce Wayne, but still calls him 'Master Bruce'

Also refers to the batkids as 'master xx'

May or may not be sarcasm

English, ex-army and all-round exceedingly polite badass

Correction, he's English, I can say with confidence it is sarcasm

That is all the people I can think of, sorry if I missed anyone

#batman #batfam #batfamily #i know nothing #maybe this amuses someone #sorry if I got anything wrong #bruce wayne #dc robin #robin #dcu #dc universe #dc comics #red robin #red hood #jason todd #dick grayson #damien wayne #alfred pennyworth #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #text post

[wimbledon2008]

detective inspector hillinghead experiencing homophobic microaggressions, 1890, colorized

#his reactions to ladbroke (the first two) were particularly amusing #bodies #bodies 2023 #bodies netflix #alfred hillinghead

[hellonerf]

ame had a good meeting!

alternatively:

#hetalia #aph america #aph canada #hws america #hws canada #alfred f jones #matthew williams #na brothers #caname #if you squint (smile) #aph romano #hws romano #lovino vargas #more things that are only amusing to me to be frank #myart #ame bible

[delicatedarknight]

Okk imagine for some reason or other Damian suggested Bruce and him take the subway for the parents meet for a change of pace and while they are waiting there they are met with Clark along with Jon in his arms who was blowing bubbles and on their way to new gotham museum. Clark and Bruce exchanged pleasantries and waited in silence until Jon spoke " Damian do u also wanna blow some bubbles?" with a gleaming smile. Damian, feeling flustered for being caught having interest in 'childish things', looked away and shook his head in denial. Bruce sighed and before he could say anything Clark has already picked Damian up in another arm and spoke "It's okay to let yourself relish things for a change of pace" as he softly smiled while Jon taught Damian how to blow bubbles. Jon told Damian to simply blow in the bubble wand and Damian being novice to it blew too hard into it, leading to soap solution being splattered. Clark cooed at the scene and tried to stifle a laugh just like Bruce whose eyes were shining in endearment. Damian poutes at the failed attempt, again Jon told him to blow slowly into the wand and demonstrated how to do it. Determined to blow his first bubble perfectly he took a deep breath and blew into the bubble wand slowly and steadily. And there it is world's most perfect bubble floating around, happy at his achievement he pointed at bubble while looking at Bruce and goes “ Did you see that? Did you see that dad? I did it!! ”. Bruce trying hard not to cry, proudly nods at his son's achievement and happiness. He doesn't know why but something about the scene warmed Bruce, that even he ended up genuinely smiling at them. He looked at how love of his life which Bruce would never admit to look like while hyping the boys for a bubble competition. Flash . All three looked at Bruce with a look of confusion when Clark squinted his eyes accusingly "you took a photo of us, didn't you?". Bruce looked away while mumbling a small 'no' a habit of his when caught lying as he silently kept his phone away. Jon chimed in gleefully with a "Show us, show us" along with the other two joining him. And there it was a photo of everyone's faces squished together trying to take a peek of the photo on the front page of every newspaper known to man with headlines 'Bruce wayne's secret lover? ' with a tiny sub heading 'Did the Gotham vigilante finally bite the dust? '

#alfred thought he was nearing end when he saw bruce smiling at his phone #bruce woke up next day with an amused alfred with an 'i approve it' look #he didn't understood it until he looked at the breakfast tray and boom there it is #front page of the newspaper being Clark and bruce squished together while the children squished next to each of their face #bruce tries to hide a smile but ofc nothing escapes alfred #bruce asked alfred to get the actual photos which he is more then happy to oblige #and clark is given simba treatment by daily planet #next time when they met bruce jokingly refered clark as clark Wayne and he responded with i was always yours bruce with a wink #superbat #superman x batman #superman #batman #jonathan kent #damian wayne #fluff #alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #clark kent #bubbles #cute #dc comics #my dumb stuff

[puddingcatbeans]

tim gets injured and assigned to bedrest except he, on principle of being tim drake, refuses to stay in bed, so it's just an entire week of the batfam chasing him down and dragging him back to bed when they inevitably find him in the cave working on a case. i want like a bugs bunny comedy vibe like.

dick patting himself on the back for finally tucking tim back into bed, only to turn around and there's tim click-clacking away on the batcomputer again, god fucking dammit

steph straight up tries to bribe tim. he took the bribe and did not break eye contact as he rolled out of bed and stepped out of his room

damian getting titus to sit on tim and it works for half an hour, but only because tim is severely sleep deprived and he passed out for a bit

jason rolling tim into a blanket burrito and swaddling him like a baby, haha baby bird, stay put. which takes tim over an hour to get out of. tim doesn't appear in the batcave so jason thought he'd won, but only because tim was too busy fucking up jason's room as revenge

duke (smart) watched the proceedings of the above and gladly helped to open the door for tim. he'll help jailbreak the guy if it meant his electronics stayed safe, ok

bruce tries to "disappointed dad" guilt tim into staying in bed but he should know better because tim is immune by now and is caught sneaking out the fucking window

cass gets the closest to winning this terrible "the untitled tim drake" game. she guilts tim into napping with her, and it truly does work, until she wakes up to find he's dragged his laptop onto the bed somehow and has finished a whole ass report

damian, a sore loser: we should just let him loose. good riddance jason, cracking his knuckles: or i can just put him to sleep, bruce, tired: we are Not finding was to cause more harm to your brother.

in the end it's alfred that finally manages to wrangle tim the escape artist. no one knows how he did it though, the door was closed, no one can prove a thing. and, as alfred always says, a gentleman never divulges his secrets.

#batfam #tim drake #red robin #batbros #alfred pennyworth #beanstalks #feral tim amuses me greatly

[puppetmaster13u]

I've just realized that with the art I did for the Possessed Doll Au by @phoenixcatch7 , like the designs and such?

It kind of implies that Bruce's doll is like 7 or 8 feet tall, since the others range between 4 and 5 feet (as is the average for children). Or taller if you count the ears too.

I mean, I guess it gives the kids more space to hide in the cloak and wherever else lol

#possessed doll au #cryptid batman #cryptid batfam #mistakes were made but they're happy mistakes I guess lol #Apparently batman is very tall and lanky #which makes the visualization in the drabble that they posted that started this w/ him stuffing himself in the boot of a car way more funny #no wonder people were going *what kind of contortionist shit* about it lol #who knows maybe he hunches over when with the league to try not to spook them so much #This is great #accidentally amusing but I can't stop laughing at the thought of someone telling Bruce to stand up straight as a doll #and from habit thx to Alfred he *does* and everyone has to take a minute lmao

[violent138]

HC that Bruce often looks to Alfred for support while he's chewing out one of his kids for something stupid and the butler just shrugs and goes, "Nothing worse than what you were up to at that age, Master Bruce."

#Bruce: Et tu Alfred? #It's that Grandfather thing of going easier on your grandkids than you were on on your own kids #This is probably only when Alfred's particularly petty with Bruce #Batfamily #alfred pennyworth #Batman #not very original however it is (clearly) still amusing to me #bruce Wayne #Alfred pennyworth

[damianbugs]

every month without fail i start writing a new alfred centric fic and everytime i am baffled by it. what is happening to me. what is this Alfred menstrual cycle i am forced to adhere to. i can't stop even if i tried. i don't even care about this man

#I have SEVEN ? #and only one is actually published #im feeling homesick do maybe this is me projecting #also the mental image of alfred and baby bruce taking the underground amuses me greatly #alfred pennyworth #saki wips

[fuckyeahalfredmolina]

Celebrating 20 years of Frida, released October 25 2002 → (2/?)

You were that girl in the auditorium.

#alfred molina #alfredmolina #salma hayek #frida #gifs #gifs art #movie #diego rivera #frida kahlo #first time they met and their last moment #their contradicting emotions #and the miscarriage scene which made me teary #ok and his reaction to her calling him panzon #like he's amused but a bit surprised at the same time #frida;25

[rauchendesgnu]

Jaskier collects Geralt of Rivia Gwent cards and forces Geralt to write his name on them. „Why?“ Geralt asks and Jaskier says, „Well, you’re Geralt of Rivia, aren’t you?“ so Geralt thinks it’s just another of those weird things that Jaskier does and signs the cards.

But then he comes to Oxenfurt in the spring to meet with Jaskier for their travels and there’s students from the university playing cards in the tavern of the inn he’s staying at. And Geralt witnesses how one girl goes „Melitele, you’ve got a signed one? When I came to get one from Pankratz, they were already all sold!“ and her opponent just laughs and says „He gave me the last one for an extra low price.“ A fight breaks out, apparently because this Pankratz guy told multiple students and even some lecturers that they were getting the last signed card and Geralt wonders, What the hell do they mean with signed cards? Until a brawl breaks out where the gwent decks go flying and Geralt is faced with a (inaccurately drawn) image of himself and his messy scrawl reading Geralt o. R. and suddenly it all makes sense.

He confronts Jaskier about it but the bard justs grins cheekily and hands him another stack of Geralt of Rivias, waving a couple of Yennefers in his other hand. „You think I could get her to sign with „witch“?“ he asks while offering Geralt his ink and quill. And Geralt hums, amused, takes the quill and writes Geralt o. R. on the first card. It is a good way of making coin and if he notices how Jaskier keeps a card to himself, well, he’s got a second Dandelion somewhere hidden in his pack as well.

#jaskier #the witcher #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #witcher fanfiction #these idiots i swear #they’re so in love #gwent #trading cards #autographs #jaskier making money with geralt merch #he meets lambert who’s really good at whittling and convinces him to craft tiny wooden swords that jaskier sells as earrings #people start asking for merch #geralt is not amused #or maybe he is because now lambert is always surrounded by ladies and lads who want witcher jewelry carved

[redrobin-detective]

The reason Steph had such a short run as Robin is because Bruce thinks she is absolutely hysterical, their oddball senses of humor overlapping quite a bit. When he was directly partnered with her; Bruce found her jokes and remarks hilarious to the point that a) not only was it distracting but b) it’s hard to have police and villains take you seriously when you’re holding back snickers from a joke told by a teenage girl.

#bruce thinks steph is the funniest out of all the batfam and he will go to his grave with this secret #Steph thinks he hates her bc he's so deliberately blank around her #its bc he's working so hard not to bust a gut laughing at her jokes #only Alfred knows bc after Steph goes home #B will be snorting and giggling to himself trying to tell Alfred the joke while Alf is stitching him up #Most amusing Master Bruce will say with a raised eyebrow #to him the joke made absolutely no sense #but Master Bruce looks so light telling it he lets it pass #Steph gets extra waffles