#also also I have more time to fill and a bunch of pages left in my sketchbook

[inniebin]

What nicknames bf!skz would give you~

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Pairing - ot8 x reader

Genre - Fluff, angst-ish for Seungmin (sorry minnie stans 😭)

CW - Smacking (affectionate!!), mention of worshipping, bad language.

Chan;

There was one time when him, Changbin and Jisung were working on an upcoming comeback and you were sitting on the couch with the younger members of 3racha while Chan was on his chair. He had gotten a notification on his phone and looked down to read it and spoke without looking up, "Baby girl, can you go get the food we ordered? It's just arrived." You stood up and ushered a quick "Yeah" as you left the room while Changbin and Jisung were looking at each other with their eyes wide. Chan hadn't realised he had called you 'baby girl' until you had left and he heard the other two burst into laughter and tapping his shoulder. He quickly smacked their heads and told them to shut up before you came back in. You came back and didn't even question why Changbin and Jisung were wiping tears from their eyes and catching their breath while Chan was blushing like crazy.

Minho;

You two were just cuddling on the couch watching some shitty movie on the TV when you looked up at Minho and called his name. "Hm?" he hummed without taking his eyes off of the screen. "I want a kitten" you said which got him to look down at you, smiling "Already have one." He laughed when he saw your confused face. "You do?" You thought he only had Soonie, Doongie and Dori. "Yeah, you. You're like a kitten, clingy as hell and always pestering me." You smacked his arm, "Hey! Rude..." He smirked at your reaction. "I never said that was a bad thing, Kitten." You blushed and tried to focus on the movie again, not before catching him smirking into your neck before giving it a peck.

Changbin;

Honestly? He calls you by a bunch of nicknames but his favourite has got to be 'princess'. He thinks that you look like a princess so he most definitely thinks that you should be treated like one. He pretty much worships you and the ground you walk on. You can't even go an hour without him calling you 'princess'. Be it when you're spending time together and just chilling or when he texts you while he's producing another song or practicing in the dance studio. If he's the one to text first then you should fully expect to see it starting with 'Princess' or 'Hey princess'. His goodbyes definitely include the word too, "Bye Princess!!" or "I love you, see you later princess ❤". Blushes like mad and tells you to stop when you call him a nickname but thinks it's fine to call you by one 24/7. Gets all giggly when you call him 'Prince' because he thinks it's cute that you two have matching nicknames.

Hyunjin;

Stays want to know why his favourite thing to paint are flowers. The answer? That's the nickname he has for you. He has a whole sketchbook just for drawing and painting flowers. If you dye your hair? He paints flowers only that colour until you change it. He has a second sketchbook that he fills with flowers. Every page is covered, except the middle two. Those two pages have a drawing of you in the the middle and at the top "My Flower" is written in cursive. Around the drawing of you are things he has written himself. Things that remind him of you and how he feels about you. On your 1 year anniversary he had given you the complete sketchbook and once you see the middle pages, you start to cry which in turn makes him cry too. Little did you know that he would do this every year and when your 4 year anniversary hit, instead of it being a drawing of you it was a drawing of a ring with the words 'Will You Marry Me?' at the top.

Jisung;

I know this is simple but... 'baby'. Whenever he's writing a romantic song he makes sure to have at least one 'baby' in it. He knows that you know it's his nickname for you so he found a way to dedicate every song to you without mentioning your name. I also think that Jisung would want to be more private with relationships. I'm talking private, not even the members know about you. Jisung told his members about you a few weeks after your 1 year anniversary, announcing it publically 2 months later. He thought that his first live after the announcement was hell. STAYs were constantly teasing him in the comments about finally knowing who 'baby' was in all his songs, making him blush while you're laughing at him from the other side of the room.

Felix;

He called you 'Chick' once when you firsted dating and it kinda just stuck with him. He was so happy when he was able to choose his SKZOO to be a chicken. Whenever they are touring and you're not able to join them, he'll steal some of his favourite perfumes of yours and spray Bbokari with them. He likes to pretend that it's you that he's hugging every night to help him fall asleep. Not before sending you a 'goodnight' voice message obviously. If you wear an outfit that he loves then he'll try find Bbokari a matching version and get you to take photos together and put the in the 'family photos' album on his phone.

Seungmin;

He doesn't really like nicknames so when he does use one on you it's normally 'love' and it normally means he's done something that he thinks you'll be mad at or he's just not had a good day. Today? His day was horrible. He kept messing up choreography to the point where he had to sit out and he just couldn't get his lines right in the studio. You walk through the front door to see all of the lights off, the only source being the reflection of Seungmin's phone on his face as you see him lying on the couch with himself wrapped in a blanket as you go to make yourself a drink in the kitchen. He notices you and whispers a small "Hey, love." Your attention is immediately shifted from your glass to him. "What's wrong?" You look at him with a worried expression. His eyes start to tear up, "Today was just shitty..." You rush over to him when you hear a quiver in his voice and kneel down so you can hug him. "Hey... you're fine, tomorrow will be better. I promise." You say before you tell him to scooch over and let you under the blanket so you can smother him in cuddles.

Jeongin;

He had just got back to your shared apartment after a long day of preparing for a comeback, stuff like practicing choreo and recording lines. He was too tired to even get himself to your bedroom because he caught sight of you watching TV on the couch and literally plopped next to you. His head was resting on your right shoulder and you moved your left hand up so you can play with his hair. "Hm... Bub that feels nice." He muttered as he started nodding off to sleep, 'Bub?' you thought. You decided not to wake him up and quiz him on it, deciding to do that in the morning so you could also see his flustered face.

#skz x reader #stray kids x reader #bang chan fluff #lee know fluff #changbin fluff #hyunjin fluff #han jisung fluff #felix fluff #seungmin fluff #jeongin fluff #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #bang chan x reader #lee know x reader #changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #han jisung x reader #felix x reader #seungmin x reader #jeongin x reader

[bookofmirth]

how might acotar5 start?

This post has spoilers for hofas!!!!!

The intention of this post is to talk about how SJM might connect hofas and acotar5 narratively. It is purely thinking about the logistics of the situation, not where the plot could go in the future.

I will have a follow-up post with discussion about why Az makes even more sense as the next MC, based on everything we learned in hofas that strengthens my rationale from acosf and hosab. I decided that Azriel as the main character and Azriel as the connection POV are too much for one post, and slightly separate (though obviously overlapping) arguments.

So let's go!

After the crossover in hosab/hofas, the narrative needs to take into account a few things:

We have readers who don't want to read 2000+ pages of urban fantasy and want to be able to stick to acotar and fully understand that series in itself

Readers who read both series and don't want a bunch of repetitive scenes

sjm needs to think about how to communicate the information that was learned in hosab/hofas, or at least the information that is vital for moving forward with the acotar plot, in acotar5 that accounts for both those perspectives.

So how does sjm manage all of those tasks?

Azriel's POV

Starting perhaps just before Bryce landed in Prythian, though it could potentially start right where acosf left off. Allow me to explain.

Azriel was preset for a majority of the crossover, but he wasn't with Bryce the entire time. This is important! Because he was in and out of the Hewn City, this gives us an opportunity to see what was happening outside of Bryce's perception. Azriel's pov means:

We could see how the IC reacted initially to Bryce's arrival.

We could see their decision-making process in terms of what to do with Bryce

We could see if they made use of the research that was being conducted on other worlds

Bryce goes straight from landing in Velaris at the end of hosab, to being in the Hewn City at the beginning of hofas. We could learn how they came to that decision to take her there. That's not super important, but possible with Az pov.

We could also get a moment away from Bryce where Az is thinking about his own emotional reactions to everything happening with Truthteller, perhaps getting better insight into why he is reacting the way he is when it is near Gwydion, and how he feels upon learning the information about the Asteri making the Illyrians, and the info about Ramiel, about Enalius. We learned a LOT that is relevant to Az, and have almost nothing in terms of his reaction to it.

We could also get a better idea of how this knowledge is changing the IC in real time, as they are grappling with the implications.

This also means that the information we learn via the info dump in hofas could be supplemented with what Rhys already knows, based on Merrill's research. It wouldn't just be a verbatim repetition of Silene's story, but a fuller picture that includes what the IC knows and further implications for Prythian.

We could also get more insight into the argument that occurs as a result of Nesta letting Bryce borrow the mask. It ended up being a huge source of friction, but right now, we have zero knowledge of what was actually said between the IC when they found out.

One of the most important points here is narrative: everything that we learned in hosab/hofas was from Bryce's point of view. The narration didn't have to do that. Instead, the omniscient narrator could have given us insight into Azriel and Nesta's feelings. However, sjm kept that relatively close to the chest. For example:

“What is it?” Nesta asked Bryce, motioning to her back. “How is a bit of writing on your skin … Made?” “I can’t answer the question until you tell me what the fuck Made means.”

SJM does not fill in the gaps for Bryce, for readers who have only read Crescent City. Someone coming from acotar obviously knows the importance of the tattoo being a Made object, but sjm isn't doing anything to help out CC-only readers, here. She is working from Bryce's perspective only, and Bryce has no idea. This is just one example of what Bryce's perspective read like; the entire thing is like this, Bryce trying to piece information together while the omniscient narrator chooses not to fill the reader in on what Bryce doesn't know. This means that, again, we have no idea how the IC and other acotar characters responded to these events, other than how Bryce can observe them responding.

Azriel is quite literally the perfect go-between between the CC and ACOTAR series, as he was both observing Bryce and working with the IC. That means that sjm has given space in the narrative to give us Azriel's pov without it being repetitive. By using Azriel's POV, we are also learning this information anew, filtered through his thoughts and his emotional responses. We get the information we need, but we get it from a Prythian perspective.

It's possible that sjm do an info dump at the beginning of acotar5, of course. Lots of things are possible - they aren't all likely. Perhaps sjm will take an easier route and have Az give a recap, but to whom? And why? Everyone who needs to know will already know, and so I don't see a need for him (or Nesta, or Rhys) to spend time in the book explaining the situation.

Could sjm start post-hofas events, and just assume that acotar readers have gotten on board with Crescent City? She could, but that would be pretty shitty of her to do, considering how many books in we are. The way I have read it, you could read Crescent City without having any knowledge of acotar, and be fine. She tells us what we need to know in hofas. Why not do that in acotar, so it could be treated as a separate entity?

It will be interesting to see what tactic she takes, either way!

#hofas #house of flame and shadow #spoilers #acotar #acotar/cc #sjm crossover #long post tag #azriel #Leslie reads hofas #hofas spoilers #hi stalkers! #especially the ones I've had blocked for years #you're so desperate to know what I think <3 #okay back to reading!

[fluffshisuga]

Exams (Xavier x Reader)

Hello again! Finals are here at my university and let me tell you, it sucks. But this is perfect, because a request came in!

Requested by @ilovexavierthrope : Could you pls write one about Xavier x reader and the reader has ADHD maybe if your okay with that and the reader is studying for finals like crazy bc its their first year at nevermore? (Maybe mention that reader has autism). I tried my best, I feel like I had the ADHD part down, especially since I have it, but I’m currently not professionally on the spectrum so I hope I didn’t do too bad! Also, for anyone taking exams, I believe in you! You got this! This is 4225 words omg also it's 234am i love you guys 💙

Warnings: Mentions that reader is fem, some angst, panic over exams. I never really said that the reader is autistic or had adhd but it's heavily implied mainly by my own adhd habits, i had YouTube playing while i wrote this and i was also listening to music.

      Like any other school, Nevermore had exams for their classes as well. Of course, they were different from normal exams, which meant that the students had to study harder than the average teen. Although most students were already used to the hard studying, newcomers were prone to having a far more difficult time trying to fit studying into their already busy schedules. Especially you, who had only just started your first year at Nevermore. Classes were already pretty difficult for an ever-racing mind, but trying to cram a bunch of information in to a brain that can’t even remember what it had for breakfast? Torture.

      Your routine was based off the clock, classes from 9am to near 5pm, giving you barely enough time to eat during the day, which resulted in you just completely forgetting that you needed food. Once that was over, you would beeline to the library to collect any books you could that had information on the classes you were taking. You had no idea what you were doing, never having a set study habit, and just trying whatever came to mind, you had flashcards and paper filled with copied notes, some colour coded in hopes that it would make it easier to remember. You even had a whole playlist that you listened to while studying, yet, for whatever reason, the words wouldn’t stick. You’d have to read over what you had already read multiple times, only to space out halfway through and come back confused. You’d constantly look up from your books and check the time, frowning when you noticed it had only been 5 minutes since you last checked, although it felt like it had been way longer. You would constantly change the song as well, deeming certain ones to be unhelpful in your studies even if you added them to the playlist specifically for that reason.

      You only really had contact with friends in class, who would ask you if you were free later that day to hang out. Enid especially asked you almost every day, frowning each time you told her you needed to study for the exams coming up. Wednesday even started to show concern, pointing out the dark circles forming under your eyes, and the growl of your stomach at the mention of lunch. “I think you should take a break, really.” Enid said, taking the book out of your hand and closing it. You desperately tried to write down what page you were on, but it had already left your mind. “Enid! Now I must read the whole thing again to find out what page I was on.” You scowled. Enid only shook her head and gathered your things up as the class was dismissed. “You’re coming to lunch with us, whether you like it or not! I can even quiz you while we eat if that would make you feel better?” You could only sigh as you left your seat, trudging after Enid and Wednesday.

      You sat down at a table, looking down at the food you had grabbed with heavy eyes. A slam next to you nearly made you jump out of your skin. “Pop quiz!” Enid exclaimed, holding one of your books in her hand. “Let’s see…ah! Who was the last God to enter Olympus?” You stared blankly at Enid, not comprehending what she had even said yet. You tried to think, racking your brain as you did, but nothing came up. There was only one name that came up when you thought of the question. “Alexius?” Was all you could come up with, and you knew it was the wrong answer as soon as you said it, watching Enid’s smile droop slightly at the answer. “Uh, no not quite. It says here that it was Dionysus. I’m not sure if I’m saying that right but yeah, not Alexius.” Enid stated, placing the book down in front of you and pointing out the answer. You facepalmed as the answer came into your head just seconds before she said the name, becoming mildly discouraged already.

      “Dionysus was the last God, but only because Homer didn’t admit him in.” A voice spoke behind you, and you felt the seat next to you shift as someone sat down beside you. Looking over, you lock eyes with Xavier, whom you shared the class with. He smiled as he continued, “Although that was a good guess, but his name is pronounced Alcaeus, it’s not really spelled the same way. That was the original name of Heracles, also not pronounced the same way as the Disney movie. It means Strength, and many leaders in Greece were named Alcaeus for that reason.” You dropped your head in defeat and embarrassment, feeling inferior to Xavier’s random knowledge on the Greek Gods. “That wasn’t even part of the class though, where did you get that name from?” He asked, placing his hand on his cheek as he looked at you. “I’m going to be honest,” you started, “no idea. I thought that if I read the whole book, I’d be ready for the exam, but I don’t even remember reading about Alcaeus.” A moment of silence fell onto the table, only to be interrupted by a gasp from you. “That’s right! That name was in a game I played! It was all about Greek Mythology. Alcaeus was the brother that we thought was dead. That’s where I got the name from.” The sudden memory made you excited, but your cheeks flushed red as you realized that your outburst was all because of a game, and that your answer to Enid’s question was all based off said game. “Anyway, clearly I need to study more, so I should be going.” You started, taking a large bite of food, and gathering your items once again. “Y/n! At least finish eating?” Enid yelled, watching as you trotted away, a book opened in your hands.

      Later that day, you sat under a tree, a different book in hand and pencil in the other, hurriedly writing anything that you felt was important for your French class. You had a list of words that would be considered feminine in French, placing certain words into the column and others in the other. “So, If I wanted to preserve something…it would be…sanctuariser. Do I even need to know that?” You spoke to yourself, looking back to the little piece of paper with a list of things the teacher said to study. “Absolutely not.” You groaned as you dropped your arms, playing with the grass and taking a few breaths. “Need any help?” A voice spoke, spooking you and causing you to hit your head on the trunk of the tree. Xavier hovered over you, a concerned look on his face as he watched you rub the back of your head. “Xavier, you scared the living daylights out of me!” You breathed, checking your hand to see if you were bleeding. “Sorry,” he chuckled, taking a seat next to you. He looked over your shoulder and read what you had written down, taking your pencil, and correcting minor mistakes like accents over e’s and the like. “I can help you, if you want?” He asked, watching as you looked down at the grass. You didn’t want to ask for help. Asking for help was like admitting defeat, and defeat would make people disappointed in you. Your mind raced at the idea that people would see you as a failure, and you desperately grabbed the grass to keep yourself grounded. “Uh, not now. Thank you, Xavier, though.” You said, taking the pencil back and writing more terms in French. Xavier kept his seat next to you, watching as you tried to study a new way, a way that you were taught when you were small. It was mainly a way to make sure you remembered how to spell words but writing the French words three times seemed like it would help you to remember them. It worked, slightly.

      As the time passed, the sun began to set. The breeze, although it was welcomed, was also distracting, and getting colder. You shivered as you flipped through the pages of yet another book, drifting your eyes over to Xavier every now and then to see if he was still there. He had been looking over your shoulder the whole time, asking if he could help every now and then. Sometimes he would help whether you liked it or not and would write little notes on the side of certain words in hopes that it would help you remember them better. Eventually he stood up and extended his hand out to you. “Come on, lets go inside before it gets too cold.” He offered. You stared at his hand for a moment, gathering up your things and taking it. “I still haven’t found the answer to a lot of the review questions, though, so once I get inside, I need to go to the library and find a book that has the answers.” You started, walking beside Xavier towards the giant doors. “I’m sure you can find the answers tomorrow, the exams aren’t until next week.” Xavier said, opening the door for you. You sighed as the warm air hit you, closing your eyes and giving you a brief wave of fatigue. You opened your eyes, looking up at Xavier, “I know that, but I just need to make sure I know the material.” Xavier could only scoff and shake his head as you checked your phone. “I have to go; I need to get those books!” You shouted, sending a final wave to Xavier as you sped away.

      The next day was a Saturday. There were no classes, giving students extra time to catch up on both sleep and their studies. This also meant that you were up at sunrise, quickly making your way to the library. Your mind raced as you thought of what you needed to study next, while also trying to remember what you had studied the previous day. This early in the morning, there weren’t many people in the library, giving you first pick at what you needed for studying. With your arms full, you tucked yourself into a corner and set up your study space.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Xavier woke up around 10am, a time he deemed normal for the weekend. He turned in his bed and glanced at the empty bed on the other side of the room, once occupied by Rowan. He would always comment on Xavier’s sleeping habits and tell him about getting enough sleep, claiming that it would help him remember more from his classes. He groaned at the thought of Rowan not being there, and slowly got up. He took a quick shower and made his way down to grab something to eat. He took a seat next to a tired Enid and emotionless Wednesday, Enid picking at her food as she looked around the room. “Xavier, you’re later than normal.” Wednesday pointed out, glancing over at him. Xavier could only shrug and take a bite of his food, watching as Enid’s head whipped around every few moments. He raised an eyebrow, “what are you looking for, Enid?” He questioned, fork midway to his mouth. Enid’s nails shot out and quickly retracted, and she took a final glance around before she set her eyes on Xavier. “Y/n, they aren’t here yet.” She said, tapping her fingers as she took another bite. “She’s normally here by now,” she mumbled, placing a hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t spit any food out. Xavier looked around, scanning the room quickly before shrugging. “Maybe she’s sleeping in? She’s been studying a lot; she’s got to be exhausted.” He explained, taking a final bite of his food. Enid shook her head and frowned. “She never misses our breakfast routine, you know that.” Xavier raised his hands, nodding his head. “I understand. Listen, I’ll keep an eye out for her, how about that? If I see her, I’ll let you know and tell her you’re worried.” Enid’s face relaxed a bit and her shoulders dropped slightly, nodding.

      With that, Xavier went about his Saturday routine. Archery practice, a trip to the library, lunch. The whole time, he kept his eyes open for you. He didn’t see you in the library, which only told him that you were probably still sleeping. Once 3pm came around and you didn’t show up for lunch, he went out in search of you. He looked by the tree he had found you the previous day, a pencil in your spot. Xavier figured that you left it by accident and picked it up, planning to hand it back to you next time he saw you. He ran into Ajax and asked him if he had seen you, “last I saw Y/n, they were in the library, in the normal corner. They were there when I showed up, but that was a bit ago.” Ajax recounted, and he walked back with Xavier to the library to show him where you had been sitting, only to find the corner empty save for a book. Xavier sighed as he picked it up, placing it in his bag along with the growing list of items he needed to return to you. You weren’t at dinner either, and now Enid wasn’t the only one worried about your whereabouts. Xavier even went to your dorm, knocking on the door and talking with your roommate. “Honestly? Haven’t seen them for a bit. They weren’t in bed when I got up this morning. Come to think of it, they weren’t in bed when I went to sleep either.” They said, shrugging. Xavier sighed and ran a hand through his hair, stress building up as the time went by. He had no idea where you would be hiding.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      You were on the ground, laptop in front of you and books scattered around you. Your phone played your studying playlist as you waved your hand along the ground in search of the pen you had just put down. Your laptop had multiple tabs open, YouTube in one, a few word documents, an “official page of Greek Mythology” opened in yet another tab. So many things happening at once, yet you couldn’t focus on any of them. Normally, having multiple stimuli helped you get assignments done, but for something so nerve wracking and important as exams, nothing seemed to do the trick. You felt yourself breakdown slowly as you stared at the blank page, unable for the life of you to come up with the answer to “Who visited Danae, and fathered her son?” Your mind told you that it was simple, the answer on the tip of your tongue, yet nothing. You start to shake your head, muttering curses to yourself for not remembering something so simple as a name. You switched through songs on your phone, hoping that a song would pop up that would spark the answer. You didn’t hear the snapping outside the room, or the rumbling of the statue revealing a staircase. You were too preoccupied, trying desperately to hold your tears back so you wouldn’t smudge the ink on your paper.

      Xavier walked down the stairs, stopping mid step to find you in the center of the room, rocking and holding back sniffles as you shuffled through paper. He called out your name, hoping to catch your attention, but he quickly realized that you had your earbuds in, unable to hear a single word he could utter. He stepped carefully, making his way slowly towards you so you didn’t get spooked. He watched as the tears welled up even more in your eyes as you slowly looked up, realizing that you were no longer alone. Realizing that you were in a vulnerable state, Xavier sat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shaking figure, and rubbing your back, letting you collect your thoughts. You shuddered as you tried to hold back your tears, but Xavier’s calming voice seemed to finally break the dam. “I know you’re stressed. You can tell me about it when you’re ready.”

      Tears spilled from your eyes and ran down your cheeks. You struggled to get anything out that weren’t incoherent sobs, a stutter of words falling from your lips as you struggled to explain. “I just? You know? It’s my first year here,” another sob, “and I don’t want to seem like a failure. I want them to know that I can handle it! I can! But my mind is just racing? Everything is distracting me, but if I don’t have anything to distract me, I get super anxious and cant focus. But I hate it so much.” You breathed heavily as you tried to find a way to explain your thoughts. “I just…I don’t want to be a disappointment. I want to get good marks on these exams, so no one looks down on me, and yet I just can’t understand what I’m looking at. But the idea of asking for help feels so demeaning! It feels like I’m admitting to failure, and if I do that, then I’m a lost cause.” You continued to sob as you turned to bury your face into Xavier’s chest, the harsh reality becoming real as you spoke, causing you to break down even more. Xavier remained quiet as he kept rubbing your back, humming a soft tune to calm you down. He allowed you to get all your emotions out and calm down on your own, only whispering every now and then soft words of comfort until you had cried enough. You slacked in his embrace, taking deep breaths as your tears began to dry.

      Xavier brought your face up so he could meet your eyes. He took note at how red they were, how puffy your skin had become, and how dark the circles under your eyes had become. He sighed as he studied your face, trying to find the right words to say. “You’re not a failure, I can see that. And you’re not a failure for accepting help when you need it. Exams are stressful, trust me, but you don’t have to deal with he stress of them alone, you know. You have me, and Enid, and Wednesday would probably help you if you asked.” He wiped tears away as he continued, “No one will think you’re a failure. They wont see you as a disappointment either. No one is perfect, hell, I failed an exam my first year all because I was too stressed to even understand what it was I was learning. Am I a disappointment?” You shook your head in response, a small smile on your lips. “No, maybe a bit of a dork, but not a disappointment.” You responded. Xavier smiled and rested his forehead against yours. “Exactly. Everyone fails at least once. I think it builds character. But you’re not going to fail. Not if I can help it.” He pressed a kiss to you temple as he grabbed one of your books, “Now, Danae was visited by a God and was then pregnant. Remember that her son is the one that’s supposed to take down the king, her father. Which God seems like the kind of person to knock a girl up knowing that the prophecy states a war to follow?” You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking hard. “A God that would do something like that? It sounds like a Zeus thing?” You questioned, brows furrowed. Xavier smiled and nodded, pointing out an excerpt from the book. So Danae endured, the beautiful, to change the glad daylight for brass-bound walls, and in that chamber secret as the grave She lived a prisoner. Yet to her came Zeus in the golden rain. This was the story of Perseus.

      Xavier stayed by your side as you studied together, helping each other to remember the content. As the night dragged on, your eyes became heavy, and you yawned. “I think it’s time to wrap it up for tonight, don’t you think?” Xavier asked as he closed the book he was reading from. You nodded slowly, stretching your arms, and sighing as your back popped and cracked as you moved the stiff muscles. “Can we do this again tomorrow, then?” You asked, gathering your items up. Xavier smiled and nodded, “Of course, but only after you get some rest and something to eat tomorrow.” You chuckled and made your way up the stairs, walking with Xavier back up to your dorm. The next morning, you woke around 10:30, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You looked over at your phone, finding a text from Xavier that read, “Once you wake up, let me know, I’ll meet you for breakfast.” You smiled as you sat up in bed, stretching your tired muscles and letting out a yawn. You grabbed something to wear and picked up your bag full of study material, shooting a text to Xavier and making your way to the dining hall.

      He met you there and walked with you to grab your food, sitting down at your normal table and eating silently for a few moments. Enid and Wednesday followed shortly after, Enid hurrying to your side and expressing her worries for your well-being, and scolding Xavier for not telling her that you were ok. You chuckled at her and thanked her for worrying about you, continuing to take bites of your food as the two girls went off to get their own food. “So, I was thinking,” Xavier started, holding his fork in the air, and pointing it towards you. “That’s never good,” you quickly said, stifling a giggle. Xavier frowned, continuing, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Anyway, exams begin in three days, so why don’t we study together until they’re over? We meet in the secret room, I bring snacks and water, we ace those exams?” You sat there, chewing on your food as you thought about his offer. He was a great help when it came to studying, and your little session last night helped you to understand a bit of what you were doing. “Sounds like a plan.” You said, taking another bite of your breakfast.

      The days following were filled study sessions with Xavier, and once one exam was done you studied for the next exam. Feeling confident, you walked into each class ready to take the exam, meeting Xavier afterwards to tell him about it and how you felt afterwards. You’d then get dinner, study for the next exam, and just hang out between studying to give your minds a break. It felt as if the exams went by with a snap, and before you knew it, they were over. You had two days until the grades would come out, and although you were happy for it to finally be over, a part of you was sad that you wouldn’t be meeting Xavier each night to study anymore. It felt as if a cloud hung over your head as you went to bed that night, only growing heavier as your thoughts raced once again. In the morning, you woke up to a text from Xavier, asking you when you wanted to go get breakfast. You smiled as you got up and ready, the cloud above your head slowly shrinking as you went to meet Xavier for breakfast. Afterwards, you walked together into Jericho, finding a coffee shop to refuel your energy that had left your body from the week. “Do you think you passed?” You asked Xavier as you took a sip of your drink, its contents brought you joy and comfort. Xavier took a sip of his own drink, a smile gracing his lips. “Of course, I had the best study partner in all of Nevermore to help me.” You felt your cheeks warm at his comment, drifting your eyes down to you drink in embarrassment. “Yeah… Maybe I did well too, then.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      When grades came out, you nearly cried. You had passed every single exam, and it was all thanks to Xavier. You had looked everywhere to find him, finding him in his dorm working on a sketch in his sketchbook. When he opened the door, you ran in and wrapped your arms tightly around his torso, a giant smile greeting him. “Xavier! We did it! I passed all the exams!” You shouted happily, jumping in excitement. Xavier hugged you back, planting a kiss to your hair as he reveled in your excitement. Your smile was contagious and seeing you happy made him happy. “That’s amazing!” He exclaimed, his smile widening as he looked at you. “We need to celebrate.” And with that, the two of you went out to a small restaurant, enjoying each other’s company as you talked about anything you could think of. After, you went to get something sweet to eat as you made your way back to the school, making your way to Xavier’s dorm. “Let’s watch a movie!” You said, pulling out your phone and connecting it to the little projector you had left in his room one time. You spent the whole night watching movies, cuddled up together. Eventually, you fell asleep in Xavier’s arms, and he gave you a final kiss on your temple before whispering goodnight, falling asleep himself.

Hi me again. Your comments mean so much to me💙 i woke up to my phone constantly buzzing with feedback on Festive Outings, it made me really happy you have no idea. Again, if you have exams soon, you got this!! 💙💙

#wednesday #wednesday addams #netflix wednesday #wednesday imagine #wednesday 2022 #xavier thorpe #xavier x y/n #xavier thrope imagine #Xavier #enid sinclair #xavier x you #xavier thorpe x reader #fem!reader #adhd #autistic!reader #wednesday fluff #wednesday fanfic #percy hynes white #xavier thorpe x you #wednesday tim burton #wednesday the series #xavier thorpe oneshot #y/n

[akunoniwa]

Wax & Wane

AN: I read through this a few times so hopefully there aren't too many errors...

Synopsis: In which Dottore thoroughly entertains your suggestion of wax play...

Pairing: Il Dottore x fem!reader

Warnings: MDNI, use of hot wax (probably not depicted in the most safe way, who knows)..., though really mostly just shameless, indulgent, sex

WC: ~4.3k

You managed to bring up your desperately wanting to try out wax play, to which he received with unmatched delight. He is insatiable, it seems, and despite knowing this well, you still had reservations when sharing your desires so blatantly. You were starting to think there was nothing he wouldn’t do if it involved toying with you.

He loved to have a glass of merlot over dinner, and this evening you decided to also partake, finding it an easy wine to lose track of.

He began shaking his head unprompted as he looked to you from across the table, “Your words have been haunting me all day, darling.”

You rolled your eyes playfully over your glass as you sipped. God, you hated how much you continuously wanted him. Truly. Despite his horrendous antics, here you were, dining with him almost only as a foreword. Anticipation blinded you with only visions of him. His body was sculpted so elegantly for whatever reason, and his hands were so soft they almost tickled being that he always wore gloves. His frame was quite broad compared to your own, you loved how he eclipsed your body, a comical oxymoron of safety was found in his treachery.

He liked to make a scene of the sex you had, making sure to wring you out for all you’re supposedly worth. His eccentricities shone particularly when he had his complimentary glass of wine. He made no effort to hide his grin, as he knew you both were not only on the same page but the same syllable. The theatrics were cupped in his upturned hand, his glass reflecting only the candle flames that blinked between you at the center of the table.

“You love playing with me as if you’re not as depraved as I am. As if you’d think I would be surprised that you want me to basically just burn you.” He clicked his tongue, his lips hanging slightly slacked, easily escorting his words to your end of the table, “I will hand it to you… I didn’t think of that one, though.”

“I like to at least pretend I still have morals sometimes. For fun.” You were more than acquainted with your lack of any care for how vile your relationship may appear.

“Just this morning, you asked me, of all people in Teyvat, to drip scalding hot wax on your bare skin. Not only that, you left me with that all day while you were away at work, as if I’d be able to get any work done with that shit on my mind.”

“It’s not my fault you’re such a dog. You always come to me with barbaric ideas, I thought I would contribute.”

He pursed his lips bitterly so as to challenge your name-call, “That’s rich. I love when you realize your power over me, darling… Your foul, little mouth.”

He stood to round the table, not letting you rise to your feet, hardly able to even set down your glass, “Call me a dog when you’re crying, begging for me, as you’ve shown me so many times before.” You may have actually angered him, but that wasn’t anything but a bonus as he’d never hurt you. That is, unless you asked nicely.

He pulled out your chair, making you giggle at his impatience, “Maybe I’d like to clean up the table first.” You goaded.

He ran his fingers through your hair delicately at first from behind as he stood wordlessly. You’ve let him know that you don’t mind him being a bit rough with you, so he took little time to bunch your hair into a makeshift ponytail in his hand, jerking you back slightly, “You love making me wait. I know you get off on that… I bet you’re clenching your cute thighs as we speak.” His voice was so pretty when it was skewed with unyielding heat.

His words being true made something fall inside your abdomen to your center, your sex already throbbing as a result of your day, too, being filled with thoughts of him, “Just making sure you prove that you really need it.”

He pulled you further back, slowly, wishing he could inhale your deviant expression as his gaze dropped heavily into yours, “You’re always what I need, I’d never be able to hide that from you.” His subtle change in tone to a coo was almost manic, making your heart stumble. You were reeling in the discomfort of being pulled back, your neck straining so delightfully in his grasp. His free hand slid over your shoulder to feel up your chest, making your gaze falter at the sensation.

“I love it when you tease me…” He squeezed your left breast firmly, noting your purposeful lack of a bra.

“I know… Yet you complain.” Your hand covered his. Sometimes, you were reminded that being with him like this was like befriending a lion. Fucking a harbinger wasn’t ever something you envisioned… Let alone seemingly requiring it.

He freed you from his grasp, removing himself from you reluctantly, “Fine. If you feel so obligated to waste time, then I’ll wait.” He retreated back to his chair.

Not that it mattered, but clearing the table was usually a team effort between you two, though you used this task to your advantage this time. You downed the rest of your wine, standing leisurely to saunter around the table and retrieve all of the dishes as he watched. He was easily riled with a day’s worth of thoughts of you plaguing him, his slacks no longer as slack as he’d prefer. Even the way you paced to and from the kitchen was driving him up the decadent dining room walls, your nightgown clearly too short. He loved how you looked in that black satin… 

His eyes beamed into you, and a ghost of a smile possessed your face as you needlessly taunted him by doing nothing to him at all.

“I never would’ve guessed when I first met you that you’d be so easy to mess with.” You spoke slightly louder from the kitchen, frustration broiling as he heard the sink begin to run. Were you really going to hand-wash them too?

He let a hand shamelessly palm his hardening length as you were angled just enough over the sink to cause the hem of your gown to rise. You noticed he didn’t reply, looking over your shoulder to meet his boring gaze as he nonchalantly touched himself. The sight was delightfully crude, making your insides resonate with need, “You can’t fucking wait? You always scold me for not waiting for you.”

“Come here.” He hardly ever managed to intimidate you, and he knew this. There was an ultimate desire that propelled your obedience. Your eyes rolled a second time as you pushed out an unstable sigh. The sink was off, and after your hands were generously dried, you padded over to him.

You took it upon yourself to replace his hand with yours, bending over to reach, “So good… Already so beyond repair for me.”

His hands reached to encircle your waist, as he stood, “I love it when you try to take control, darling, it’s so sweet.” It was a constant battle of dominance as he belittled you with his words. He lifted you to set you on the table, already planning for this by having the dining room only lit with his favorite stick candles.

He wasted no time in unbuttoning your slip, his expression tightening as you were, in fact, wearing nothing beneath, “Fuck.”

You adored how he seemed to react so breathlessly each time he saw your bare form.

You shimmied yourself out of the armholes, allowing him to toss it aside somewhere as he pinched your rosy nipples. This only lasted a moment before his fingers were abruptly replaced with his mouth, lightly biting occasionally as you held his head in your chest. Your response was reduced to a moan that drifted freely from your mouth as he kissed up your chest.

His lips landed on yours like a fallen leaf, though only briefly, “So describe again what you want.”

You took it upon yourself to turn behind you to grab a candle from the candelabra, “Simple. Just…” You began to tip the candle, only to be stopped by his hand.

He kissed you once more, grabbing the candle from your hand carefully so as not to extinguish it, wanting to have the first drop. He found this idea to be increasingly idiotic, but it made his body feel as if it’d be absorbed into a violent black hole of pleasure at the thought.

His first image was of how delicious it’d look to have your plump breasts glazed with hot wax… How you’d wince, how your cunt would sob just the same. So he did just that.

He watched as the searing liquid overflowed from the top of the tilted candle onto your sensitive breast, your face threading with piercing pleasure. He was in disbelief, hearing you whine with need where you should be writhing in pain. The white liquid dripped salaciously for only a moment, hardening quickly… He knew you well at this point, though this would not prevent welcome disbelief from flooding him.

He laughed at your pleasure, “You’re so divine, I really wish I could just destroy you.” Another drop landed on the top of your right breast, causing you to cry out this time as the pain mounted.

He was entranced. And incredibly aroused. His expression was hard to divert your eyes from, his own the color of a fresh wound. Though at the same time, his aura was too heady to face.

Your head fell back in dejection, “I can barely even look at you, Zandik, fuck.”

“Lay back, then.” He moved further between your legs to lean over you, dripping more onto your flattened stomach, watching the drops glide over your side. You continued to whine, tensing each time a new drop made contact. The wax was, of course, incredibly hot, being that the drops were small in diameter, you were somehow able to adjust to this kind of pain. In addition to this, you were becoming gravely aware of his clothed cock pressing into your core as he hunched over you, supported only by his free hand on the table.

He moved to set the candle down only to reach down and feel up your sopping hole without any warning, “Exactly how you should be.”

You wished you could feel his fingers inside you, though he opted to circle your clit from above, “Open your eyes, darling.”

You knew there’d be a wave of relentless need that would roll over you as you captured his eyes, hesitantly obliging. He looked gorgeous, those same pieces of hair he intentionally styled to frame his face obscured his disastrous gaze. His pace only increased upon finding your pitiful irises.

He lowered over you further yet, talking to you as if you were a child, “What’s wrong?” Sometimes he will remind you of the stranger you were aware of before you got to know him. Frigid and needlessly abominable, all of his wretched deeds would flash before you. His work still revolved around such things… Perhaps you were just as despicable for ignoring reality.

“You’re thinking far harder than I prefer,” He began again, his cyclic assault halting, “I ought to fuck every worthless thought out of your body.” He reprimanded you as he gave your clit a gentle slap, his mood never stood steady.

“I was just thinking about you… And how daft I am for always wanting you so badly.”

He blinked at you, your words both sour and sweet, “You’ve been with me for over two years and you still find it necessary to say those things out of self-preservation? You’ve wept for me, bruised your dainty little knees for me, and you still hold onto those delusions? You’re sick, darling, as am I. So why not just give in and romanticize it?” He paused to consider for a moment, “If you felt so guilty, I don’t think you’d be so wet for someone like me. That’s precisely why you’re wet, no? You’re obsessed with how criminal this seems,” He mused with his signature, toothy grin, “You wither on my cock over and over, my darling flower.”

He parted from you, stripping himself of his usual, blue button-up, swiftly moving on to remove anything that clouded his form. He rested his length almost proudly on top of your pubic area, teasing you as it served no obvious purpose but making you wait.

“You always cum so beautifully for me when I read your mind to you… I know you. You want me to acknowledge how desperate you are, verbalize your shame until there’s nothing left to expose.” He loves talking to you like this, and it never fails.

His eyes were trying to devour you whole as you lay under the acidic shower of his words, “There’s nothing wrong with me for realizing how twisted you are. I think you’re similar to me… You take pride in being reassured that you’re a malignant man.”

He teased you further, gently grinding his tip through your blushed folds, “Tell me, then. You like being fucked into oblivion by worthless men.” His eyes were shaded by the valances that were his heavy lashes.

“I know that I don’t like waiting to be fucked by said men.”

“That’s too bad.” He jeered, lightly tapping his tip on your pronounced clit, “I thought you just wanted me to braise your skin with wax?” He retrieved the half-burned stick, waiting for your feedback. He would certainly be an evil to be reckoned with should he insist on not giving in to you at this state.

“Anything. Do anything at all.” You wailed, just needing a sense of his completion.

“Stand up for me.”

You sat up as he stepped back to allow you room to stand before him. He turned you with his free hand, and in one fell swoop, you were pushed over the table. Your ass was perched expectantly, much to his pleasure, though he found this only to be more surface area to ruin. He took no time to allow a blazing drop to collide with your mid-back, ensnared by your twitching and recoil. He wanted to find out how tight your pussy would squeeze his raging cock upon each drop. He lubed himself with your slick as he spread through your wetness, though since  it was in abundance, this didn’t take but a moment.

He routinely liked to be gradual about his filling you, his receptive tip being all that he’d permit in the beginning. How it’d pop in and out, those carnally wet sounds, he couldn’t help but let you in on his satisfaction from behind. As expected, your elastic heat throbbed around him, bewitching him. In tandem with your hazy moans, his entire physical being felt as if it were inside you, filling you like insulation, molding to your cloying walls.

He decided to push himself into you just a bit further, following your sounds as judgment. You wish his abysmal voice would swallow you whole, each time he’d let out a groan you’d shudder. You both were aptly captivated by one another.

He surprised you with a shallow thrust being paired with another drop, making you damn near scream in earnest, the sensations being so overwhelming.

“Mm,” He laughed through a groan in pure satisfaction, “I like it when you make sounds like that.” His sadistic interests suited him well and naturally, for better or for worse. You knew he wasn’t saying that just for show, he preferred your pleasure to be agonizing.

He hasn’t yet bottomed out in your salivating cunt, savoring your appetite, how you shook.

Another drop, closer to your ass this time, timing it with another push into you, hoping to lure out an orgasm, to feel you tense so hard, he feels everything and nothing all at once.

You felt genuine tears prick, and you weren’t sure if you felt lucky or disappointed that he couldn’t see, but you knew he was holding back. His pace wasn’t enough to blind your senses with friction, acting as a different advantage to feeling his bare, veiny cock inside you. How it’d bow your walls at his dizzying, legato tempo.

He loved how the wax would dry, looking reminiscent of a symbolic load being painted onto your backside. He noticed your sounds were becoming slightly congested, grinning at the thought of the tears you requested raking down your face. How you asked and received.

“As soon as you feel safe with me, you want me to do increasingly concerning things to your precious body…” He set down the candle, content with the work he created on your skin. A rhetorical babble, as his hand being free made it easy to grab the flesh of your hips to finally press the entirety of his strained length into your beckoning void for a hole.

That lovely sound of complete unity fell from both of your lips, a feeling impossible to top, curses following not too long after as he held himself there, “Fuck, I could just fill you right now...”

“Don’t cum yet…” You just found joy in edging him for as long as possible, even if you too were at the brink.

“Or what? What would you do? Lose yourself at the feeling of being full of my cum?” His words were only spoken to be as vulgar as possible, leaning over your bent form. You could feel his hardened abs against your spine, his voice being so close that your neck tingled.

“Don’t you want to cum?” He whispered low, his voice humid against your ear as the questioning tone strung you along. He had nothing more to give, but rutted his hips into you anyway, deeper than deep, “Hmm?”

“Fucking… Yes.” You lost your grip on your words.

Somehow even this quiet, his voice vibrated through you, “You need to cum.” His words were becoming almost hypnotic as he toyed with you, hips pressing into your plush ass. He kissed the cheek that wasn’t flattened against the table, proceeding to lick up from your jaw to the apple of your cheek, tasting salt, “Your tears are heavenly…”

He was so oppressive, everything about him was compressing you into only being worth serving this moment.

“Touch yourself. I’m not moving until you cum on my cock.” He ordered, and you followed his words, forcing your hand between your body and the table to reach for your dripping clit.

He knew exactly when you began, your pussy managing to tighten even more, your body convulsing as your moans were impossible to restrain. He laughed faintly into your ear, delirious, “Useless. You look so useless.” He wasn’t lying his full weight on you, holding a tense plank-like pose to make sure you felt all of him, “I want your cum… I want all you have, give it to me.”

It didn’t take but a few rounds on your clit and the fixation of his cock warming inside you to finally release against him, and as soon as you unraveled, he lifted himself to fuck you without mercy. Your noises were muted in absolute overstimulation as he chased his own orgasm, his cock easily flying in and out of your welcoming hole.

“Over and over, darling. Because I’m just a fucking dog.” His words were finely grated between his teeth. Your comment earlier may have actually benefited you.

“Please.” You vaguely urged him, wanting so desperately to feel that euphoria of being filled with his viscous load.

“I know you know how to use your words, you chose quite the arrangement of them just moments ago.” He dragged you closer to him, causing the runner and everything on it to shift. The slight change in angle makes you grapple for nothing aside from the polished wood of the table that shakes beneath you.

He quickly vacated from you, watching as your stretched hole wept for attention, imprisoned by the lust he felt as your creamy sweet finally dripped over, “You never want true control, darling, but I love playing your games anyway. You want to piss me off, make me seethe until I make you into my dearest doll.”

You felt your cunt constricting on emptiness as he read you once more, “I think I have a certain type of control over you that you don’t prefer to recognize…” It was slightly embarrassing, the amount of effort it took to speak back to him.

He let a hand land forcefully on the right side of your ass, gripping your flesh, “Games, darling. I knew the first time I fucking looked at you, you wanted games. But perhaps…” He made sure to not spare a drop of your delicately flowing wetness, gathering it to push back into you, “You’re right.” He refused to move once more, stroking himself into you so as to give you nothing but false hope, “So tell me, with this so-called control you have, how do you want me to play with you?”

Your inner thighs twitched as you wished he’d simply move, “I know you want to cum, yet you stall anyways.”

“It’s only when I stall that you show me your true requirement of my cock… Why wouldn’t I stall for a performance like that?” He sheathed into you, forcing a moan to reverberate through you from your core finally to your lips, “Fuck…” He swore, sounding so good as he slowly lost his ground.

“I want to hear more of you… Please…” You begged fervently, the pleasure from feeling so full rendering you a peaceful kind of thoughtless.

He reverted back to a steady pace, the kind that still would not numb you beyond feeling the indentations of his cock running against your insides. His voice unraveled into one you never initially imagined would leave his mouth upon seeing him. You were so flooded, so easy to fuck… He couldn’t tear his eyes away from how your cum coated his swollen length. You knew when he finally shut his mouth that he was unable to berate you with his prodding words, only focused on sensations alone.

“You’re close…” You stated to him, observing how only moans spilled onto your back, “Baby, I want you to cum inside me so badly…”

Your words were so sickening to him, though he bottomed out in you once again to stop. From deep within his sweat-glazed chest, a groan of utter completion restrained him, his head falling back as if finding a debauched kind of enlightenment as he took you. You desperately wanted to fuck yourself into him, but there was no space between you two to allow it. He was so good to you, you thought, his venomous touch was narcotic… Or perhaps you were merely too far gone, seeing as he was just holding you against him, cock pulsing as he held onto everything he had.

“How badly…?” His sheer, satin voice veiled you from behind, if your cunt was wound any tighter he’d be unable to stand.

You really couldn’t compose a sentence, rolling your hips for some kind of movement, “Zandik, please… Please.”

He felt so much raw pleasure in this state, he could find this nowhere else… He felt violent, almost strangely suicidal in how he was at such a precipice of contentment and obsession as your words twirled around him like lethal fumes. He heard your plea repeat in his mind as he rolled into you once more, quickly at a merciless engine’s speed, needing his release to disintegrate a piece of him.

Your noises were so delightful, so shameless as he leaned over you at an angle to provide unwavering leverage, “Tell me, please.” He required your words so helplessly, hastily grabbing your arms from your side to cuff your wrists on your back.

“Zandik…!” You only cried his name, all your pride was easily fucked away between his thrusts.

Abruptly, he folded over you with his final pass into you, ensuring you felt his load as deeply as possible, your body arching upwards into him as the sensation of his release pushed you over a second time. His melodic groans of satisfaction sang you through each of your highs as his hips jutted into you so as to spend you entirely.

“Fuck yes…” He sighed heavily, “My little darling.” He squeezed your cuffed wrists in his hand one last time, freeing them as he chased his breath.

You hummed, your forehead resting on the table as your chest heaved… You felt so full as he held you still, forced to feel his cum mingle with yours. He claimed to have a few ‘favorite things’, but watching his cum spill from your wasted cunt may have been number one. He kissed your upper back repeatedly, painting you with his lips as you anticipated his retraction.

Your cunt still waved against him as he pulled dreadfully slow from you, your face contorting with a different, used kind of pleasure.

“Oh, God…” You whined, entirely gone as he let his cock drop lifelessly from your hole, a concoction of your liquids truly pouring out. A feeling so diabolic, irreplaceable, it made your body wilt.

“Fucking gorgeous.” He watched as cum pooled on the hardwood floor below, an image of you licking it up caressed his thoughts, but he ignored it… This time.

#sorry mfs but not really i am so down bad for dottore its nauseating #il dottore #dottore x reader #dottore x fem!reader #genshin x reader #genshin smut #作文

[the-solar-system52]

TPOH UPDATE THEORY

OH WE ARE SO BACK!!

I wasn't expecting an update this week, and almost missed it since I checked the website too early, but here we are!

Now there is A LOT to unpack in this page, and if you know my theories, then I'm sure you think I'm about to talk about the parallels between The House of Lead and Negative in this dialogue. Which I 100% will, but another time. I want to talk about the Lead House in itself first.

When I first started with my RGB and Negative theory, I said that the House of Paint and House of Lead where supposed to be parallels to RGB and Negative, and I still stand by that.

But as I read recent pages, reread old ones, and was offered different perspectives from other fans, I'm began to think a lot about Lead House and Paint House as their own CHARACTERS, and not just plot points to parallel other characters.

Just listen to this stuff RGB says, this is very interesting characterization! And also incredibly depressing. Lead House's strange and physics-defying architecture being explained by it trying to fill the void left by being split apart, and it's extreme loneliness because of that is a very tragic situation for a literal house to be in.

And when I first read Double Exposure, I was under the impression that either The Butterfly or Negative owned the house, but this is seemingly debunked in this page. And that fact puts the previous pages in a very different context.

RGB outwrite states it here. This House has a personality, toying with RGB and Hero by trapping them, but not actually harming them. It seems to just be excited to be inhabited by people, when it hasn't for so long, and doesn't want them to leave.

Unlike the Paint House, this House can't be owned by anyone, and chooses it's shape based on whatever it wants. And although it seems to take an interest in the conversation Hero and RGB are having (evident by it spawning in the mirror maze when they were talking about Negative) it doesn't seem to be directly controlled by them.

And gosh I love this panel so much! It seems entirely self aware of how it's gone "cuckoo" due to its loneliness, but turns it into a joke. Or maybe its not supposed to be a joke, and the House just doesn't have any other way to communicate, both options are equally sad.

But seeing how much personality Lead House has, it made me realise that Paint House doesn't really share the same traits.

Its design is entirely dependent on person who is controlling it. Although it reflects the inhabitants thoughts, like Click's face in the trains set, Hero's up-high bed, a bunch of plushies spawning in, etc. All these examples all come from the thoughts, wants or memories of Hero when she has the House's key. I wouldn't say it has much of a personality or consciousness at all.

And though this system may be convenient for our protagonists, it is very inconvenient for the House itself. It straight up FALLS APART when Hero isn't paying enough attention to it! And consistently gets more and more abstract when controlled by a distracted 8 year old's mind.

So, Lead House has more individuality, isn't controlled by anyone and therefore doesn't fall apart or abstract. But, because it can't be owned, its gone insane with loneliness and isolation.

Paint House can be owned and wouldn't be considered lonely, but is far too dependent on others and is falling apart because of it.

Both houses are incomplete in their own way, so the obvious solution is for them to be fused back together into the House of Lead Paint!

The House of Lead Paint would be a balance between an individual personality, as well as being influenced by others. And they wouldn't be lonely anymore if they were together, plus once again being a home to someone! I could definitely see Hero and RGB living there, but instead of just outright controlling the House, they are able to ask the House for certain things, (or maybe the House could still read Hero's thoughts, but get to choose if its wants to change or not) and it will be more of a character.

This will obviously take the stress off Hero, since she won't have to be constantly thinking about the House just to stop it from abstracting or worrying about her dreams changing the house, and instead it could take care of itself at times, while still being helpful to our protagonists when they need something.

I think this may be happening sooner rather than later. Specifically because of RGB's "It may be as well for us to stay outside for a while" line, implying that something needs to change before Hero and RGB can go back into the Paint House.

This also seems like a stand in for a 'Tree' to this part of the story. "Big structure with emotional issues that needs to work through its issues in a symbolic way and transform into something else" Hero being the current owner of Paint House, having a track record of wanting to help out Trees, and needing a way to get out of Lead House, it seems perfectly in character for her to want to merge the Houses back together again. And now that the houses are in the same area to eachother (with the folded page being opened) I could 100% see this happening before the end of this arc. Probably as a conclusion to them getting out of the Lead House.

(anddd it could maybe be foreshadowing for RGB and Negative RGB merging back together???) (Fnaf sb ruin eclipse reference???) (tho, if that does happen, it would most likely be at the climax of TPOH)

I can't believe I'm getting so emotionally attached to the character arc of two HOUSES. But I just needed to get this rant out of my system.

So I'll probably talk about the dialogue relating to Negative another time, since this is already very long. Maybe I'll wait till the next update, since I'll undoubtedly have more things to rant on about then. But I hope you enjoyed this, even if it's a bit different from my usual RGB-centric theories.

#tpoh #the property of hate #tpoh negative #tpoh rgb #rgb #tpoh negative rgb #negative rgb #tpoh speculation #tpoh theory #tpoh house of paint #tpoh house of lead #tpoh house of lead paint #tpoh hero #tpoh update #tpoh spoilers

[yeehawpim]

HI UM i really admire you and your art and i was wondering --

so i really love the way you format your comics, its really straight-forward and lets the reader process every word with ease (which i think adds to the impact of the writing), and that one rue comic with the split colors for the parentheses... how do you do it without making it look so messy?? to bring up another example, the hide-and-seek comic- i love how subtle and genius the call back to hiding behind the door was, it blew my mind... i take a lot of inspiration from the way you format and lay out your comics but for some reason i cant wrap my head around how you do so much with so little (in reality this might just be the result of me wanting to add so many little details for others to find , while being conflicted on keeping it simple, and,,, AGH...) for context : im trying to make a comic about isolation, but i keep filling up the page because i want to add things - when really i know i should be keeping it simple... but other than removing unnecessary details, i want to know what else you do to make your comics so clean and simple yet it rips out the emotions from your heart and has you stare at it as it beats. like... i want that type of impact!! i want to affect others on such an intense level!! i want to induce emotions!!! but how?

(sorry this was long, HAHAHA i just want to drive my point home- again with the 'wanting to add a lot of stuff to prove a point' thing but i digress)

ok first of all that is a huge compliment and it means v much to me, thank you 😭🙏❤️❤️

tbh for me the answer of keeping things uncluttered is paying attention to spacing and eye direction. Spacing depends on timing, if you want an action to happen slowly for instance you can make the space between panels longer, or take more panels for someone to complete an action. There's tricks for directing your eye, if you ever read anyth about focal points (eg biggest contrast, triangular shapes pointing towards what's important), but really with comics I keep in mind you're reading left to right and top to bottom.

The ruehob comic is actually simpler than you think 😅 I already knew which text had to be on the left and right with august's text post. And after that the "lanes" were so narrow there weren't a lot of complicated things I could do, just make sure you still read left to right and saunter vaguely downwards.

when you talk about putting little details, that doesn't necessarily have to distract people. Like I honestly applaud you having the drive to do detailing. You just have to make sure your compositions allow for it. Like if you think about ghibli backgrounds, they're elaborate and beautiful af.

For smth about isolation, my first thought was that you can draw a person in a setting alone among a bunch of objects, for instance. If you keep the person small but surround them with a bunch of detailed objects, it could feel very lonely. Just make sure the person still stands out b/c they're what's important, so for example the background stuff is a less saturated colour, or the person is the least detailed thing on the page. I think that's the main thing, you just have to make sure the things important to what you're saying stand out. Clarity is rlly half the battle when I'm laying things out haha

In school our teacher called this "killing your babies" because it sucks when you work hard on a cool drawing and it just doesn't work out😂This also still happens to me, it's actually partly why I keep things simple so I can work fast and throw out less

Here is a timestamp from supereyepatchwolf's video about Chainsaw Man, which has some of the coolest fuckin layouts

He's got other stuff that talks about manga and how eye direction can work and what cool stuff has been done. Off the top of my head his vid about one piece and his vid about gantz have helped me understand how to cause Emotions. Also I think he has one about Junji Ito that specifically talks about how details can make you scared, if you're into that 😂

hope this helps!

#q&a

[sculkapologist]

I have plenty of other projects I should be working on BUT then Mochi started building a shop to fill in the huge wall of dirt between the greenhouse and the boardwalk by the water, and I became CONSUMED with the need to join in and decorate a bunch of tiny houses.... SO!! TOWNHOUSE TIME!! You can also see buildings that Boo (the lime green)and Mochi (the grey and prismarine shop) have been working on in that first image… there's still a bunch along the boardwalk that's under construction, too. I built three townhouses and decorated the upstairs of mochi's shop, many more images under the cut!!

The blue townhouse was the first one I made, with the exterior inspired pretty directly from mechitect's townhouse design tutorial.

it's pretty simple! It's when I started to discover alcoves are interesting with these tiny buildings, since you're sort of dependent on what the house next to you is doing. Oh, also, that painting is one of my custom maps.

The pink townhouse was a little more ambitious - this one has a little kitchen, an aquarium idea I got from klay_designs_mc on instagram and TWO tiny bedrooms (one for the grownups and one for the kids), which may seem very straightforward but actually i took a great deal of psychic damage arranging them to fit in this little 8x8 space

we have some kind of resource pack on our realm that makes every mob drop mob heads occasionally, and I just really like sticking them on shelves as like... some kind of toys or figurines or plushies.

Anyway, while I was excitedly showing my progress to my friends, Mochi asked if I'd be willing to decorate the upstairs of his flower shop -- the building next to my blue townhouse. He wanted it to be a living space above the shop, and mentioned that the large windows might be nice for a kitchen, and other than that left me to my own devices.

TREMENDOUSLY PROUD OF THIS ONE TBH...!!! bed design was inspired by a bluenerd tutorial, and the little hearts are as always inspired by my fav builder CroissantCat, though honestly my entire minecraft portfolio should just have "inspired by bluenerd and/or croissantcat" on the first page. (the lamps are those mob heads again btw -- you can do this with the existing skeleton heads, but if you HAVE glow squid heads like... WHY NOT USE THEM)

anyway at this point I had obviously completely lost my mind, so my third townhouse has an upstairs, a basement, a home office, AND a bathroom. (it wasn't going to have a bathroom originally, but Boo saw the downstairs and gasped in excitement b/c he thought it was a bathroom, sO LIKE.... OBVIOUSLY AFTER THAT I HAD TO ADD A BATHROOM)

watched a WHOLE BUNCH of blendigi Modern Interior Design tutorials for ideas here, including some armour stand crimes to make THAT INCREDIBLE OFFICE CHAIR???? but im still very pleased with my decision to use the one Long Painting as a TV screen lmao

there were actually a whole bunch of planning scribbles for this... it started out with just a little layout of 3 possible designs for townhouse facades, and then turned into MANY floorplan attempts as I tried to figure out how to fit everything I wanted into these smaller spaces:

Anyway, I think that's everything!! Thanks for joining me on this tour of my townhouses lmao, hopefully this has sated my craving for interior design for a bit!!

#minecraft #block game liveblogging #minecraft screenshots #minecraft build #mineblr #minecraft aesthetic #bsl shaders #this was SO fun tbh #SOMETIEMS U JUST NEED TO BUILD.. A LITTLE HOUSE....

[belmottetower]

3.10 International Meta

Ted Lasso’s International Break details - actually extremely accurate! I am pleasantly surprised! If you read my review of episode 9, you’d have seen at the end the part where we freaked out about the potential for bad exposition regarding this stuff. But they actually fucking nailed it! And they left so much space for amazing fic and headcanons!

I’m going to overhaul the International Break page on the primer to include all the new information and erase stuff that is now erroneous and I will post again when done, but in the meantime, here are some notes about details in this episode that hopefully will be exciting to think about, in terms of gap-filling fic or otherwise. Trust me, applying some of the below information to the show really heightens an already VERY AMAZING episode. Uncle’s Day! Gareth Southgate! 24!

Ted Lasso season 3 is set in the 2021/2022 football season. We have a thorough timeline of season 3 coming for the primer, but in 3.10, Richmond has played 31 league matches so far (16 wins, 6 losses, 9 draws according to the board) and the time being featured in this episode is the annual March international break. 

In real life, this break happened from 21-29 March 2022. There also would have been international breaks in August, October and November 2021. These were not featured on the show but would have occurred in between episodes, regardless of whether any players were called up during them or not. The August break would have happened during the Zava montage of wins in episode 3, the October break would have happened directly after episode 3 and before episode 4, and the November break would have happened in the bad run of matches that happened off screen between episode 4 and episode 5.

The March break is usually dedicated to continental friendlies rather than tournament qualifiers. Each international team would have played TWO games that week within their confederation, so Canada played Mexico once and some other CONCACAF nation once. England and Wales would have each played two UEFA opponents, and so on. 

The international matches are generally spaced out over something like Thursday and Saturday, or Friday and Sunday - a few days training, play one game, more days training, play the next game, recovery, press, back to the regular league club by the following Tuesday.

The moment Beard reads out the names in the dressing room after the Leicester match would not be the first moment the players are finding out this news. That international announcement does not happen on a match day, and they guys are responding happily but not as excitedly as they would if this was The Big News Announcement, especially for Jamie’s very first time. That moment was a summary of already known information, the call-ups would have come in the week before. 

They’ve just played Leicester on the Saturday and Jamie for instance would have got the news sometime between Monday to Thursday of the prior week. This year, the England squad announcement for the March break was released to the public on Thursday 16th March before the players showed up at St George’s Park to train on the following Monday the 20th. I’m sad we did not actually get to see Jamie’s call-up moment, but the primer has a BUNCH of examples about how he may have gotten the news so feel free to peruse and imagine your favourite situation for Jamie.

Dani is the only person we know for sure has had prior call ups - he’s listed as a Mexico international on the cheat sheet since before he even came to Richmond - but on this break, Jamie is the only person they mention making his debut, his very first call-up (invitation to be in the squad) and potential cap (cap being the term for actually making an appearance - he could have been called up but not capped, as in, didn’t come off the bench.) That Jamie detail kind of implies all the others have done it before, but that doesn’t quite fit with Ted not knowing that Bumbercatch is playing for Switzerland, as they would have gone through like, nine prior international breaks before this one since Ted’s arrival.

Pretty sure Bumbercatch IS English, but he must be eligible for Switzerland under the grandparent rule. Basically, when you select your international eligibility, you can claim it for the country of birth of one of your parents or grandparents. Players will sometimes do this if their main nationality is from a more competitive footballing country. You can switch allegiance between junior and senior levels (Jack Grealish and Declan Rice, both VERY ENGLISH MEN, played for Ireland as juniors because they had a better chance of being selected there. When it became clear they were England-good, they switched allegiances for senior selection. Irish fans are still angry about this.) I’m assuming Bumbercatch has at least one Swiss parent or grandparent so put himself up for FIFA eligibility as Swiss rather than English, as the Switzerland team is easier to get into than the England team.

England trains at St George’s Park near Birmingham, about 130 miles/ 2 and a half hours drive from Richmond. Jamie would have trained at SGP before as a junior England player in the age group teams (see the primer about how this is almost 100% a given) so it would not be a brand new place for him to visit, but it would be very special coming in as an England senior player for the first time on the Monday morning.

The team travels down from SGP to London to play their home matches at Wembley Stadium, the home of English football and the same place the semi-final against Man City took place last season. This is only about 10 miles from Richmond, hence Beard saying “up the way at Wembley.” Sometimes both matches of the break are at home, or sometimes one is abroad and they fly to the other country. FWIW, in real life, the two England games in the March 2022 break were both at Wembley, so no overseas travel.

The jacket Jamie is wearing for Uncle’s Day is an example of the casual England wear the players get given upon their call up (as opposed to their training kit or match kit.) This is what they will wear to travel as a group, or in their free time around camp. Sometimes they get gear sent over the week before so they can already be dressed in the team gear when they arrive (there are social media videos made of their arrivals) or sometimes they pick it all their gear on arrival.

Jamie would have reported for International Duty probably on Monday. Occasionally the report-in is Tuesday. But Uncle’s Day is happening on WEDNESDAY. (Keeley references the day of the week in her scenes set that same day.) The reason I bring this timeline up is because it’s looking likely that Jamie ran away from the England camp to attend this party. He either drove himself down from Birmingham after training on Wednesday afternoon - very not allowed, they are kept pretty firmly on campus - or the team traveled down to London VERY early, because Jamie’s first Wembley match takes place on Friday, not Thursday. The fact that he has sourced an original copy of the 2014 World Cup kit for Roy and was able to get the name cuntified in a legitimate manner suggests to me that he actually got that done at by the kit men at the England base camp, making it even more likely that he’s been at camp and snuck away back to London for the afternoon. 

2014 was Roy’s last World Cup, but his last England cap, ever, was in the 2016 Euros (in a real life game that England lost, a very low point - we suspect this is also when he left Chelsea, at the end of the 15/16 season) and given his legendary status in the game, it’s not unlikely his first international tournament was either the 2000 Euros or the 2002 World Cup. Comparing how the show frames him to other players like him, I would guess he has anywhere between 70 to 120 caps.

3.10 establishes, via Jamie’s gift to Roy, that the World Cup cycle within Ted Lasso is the same years as real life, so there is a World Cup coming up for the players right after season 3 finishes. If Ted Lasso-verse does a different host to real life (the controversial choice of Qatar) the 2022 Ted Lasso World Cup will be in the June and July immediately following the finale. If Qatar is mentioned, the 2022 World Cup won’t take place until November 2022, disrupting the Premier League during the following season (season 4, if we get it.)

The commentary of the England match mentions Southgate - meaning that Gareth Southgate, the real England manager, is also the manager within the show. This is GREAT news for Jamie enjoyers, almost as good news as Real Pep. See primer for details on Southgate and how he would have crossed paths with Jamie before. This is a VERY BIG DEAL and a bit of a dream come true for me. Gareth is about a decade older than Roy, they would know each other from some crossover playing time in the early 2000s. He would have played at England alongside Roy if Roy debuted for England before 2004.

I just had a conversation that made me realise that some people might think that league or club coaches might also join the England team for breaks the way that players do. Not how it works. Managing England is a full time job - Gareth Southgate is not ALSO a club coach. Sometimes the assistant coaches have other jobs - for a while Ted Lasso match commentator Chris Powell was helping to coach England while also helping to coach the Tottenham Hotspur academy team. But Gareth's ONLY job is the England men's first team, including keeping up with the status of potential squad members all year and so on.

It's not impossible that Roy could eventually be brought on to the England assistant coaching staff while also assistant coaching Richmond - in real life one of West Ham’s assistant coaches does this - but Roy doesn't have a lot of experience coaching so it's unlikely, and it's not going to happen if Roy becomes the actual manager of Richmond at the end of the season. Still. It could be a fun idea if Roy doesn’t become the manager.

Jamie wearing 24 is very plausible within how national squad numbering works and it is actually the number we suggested for him in the primer before this episode aired! Our choice was nothing to do with Sam, but was chosen because it was the number given to Callum Wilson, England’s non-starting striker, in the World Cup. Jamie will not be England’s go-to 9 for many years. 

Jamie could have requested 24, but the international shirt numbering is not a free for all. You can’t select 54 or 81 or something. The squad is numbered from 1 to however many (usually 26) with no gaps, and it’s not fixed and permanent like club numbers. Who gets what number is altered every match based on the starting line up, unless you’re in a big tournament where you keep the same shirt number the whole month. For an international friendly like this, the starters for that game will wear 1 through 11, then all the substitutes will be numbered on from there. 

Given that Jamie is brand new to the team, and on the bench (he comes on at the 65th minute when it’s 6-0 to England, replacing the not-Harry-Kane England starting striker who wears the 9, a very normal situation for a game that’s going successfully, rest your stars and give the newbies a chance to stretch their legs) being numerically low in list makes sense. He would have always had a number between say 22 and 26, but within that, he could probably make a request, if it isn’t putting anyone else out, like “Hey, if no one minds, can I have 24?” as opposed to 22, 23, 25 or whatever. They do give people their favorites if they ask for it, so it works PERFECTLY for him to have 24, as it fits his position in the team as well as the Sam tribute.

However, his squad number would have been listed on the team sheet in advance of the match. Sam being surprised in the moment is slightly off - they would have seen his number when they learned he'd been selected for the game's lineup at all.

For those bummed out that Jamie’s friends were not there in person - England would have played another match on the Sunday, there is never just one in a break. Maybe Roy, Keeley, Ted, Isaac, Sam and so on went to Wembley to support him at the Sunday match in person before club training resumed at Richmond on the Monday or Tuesday.

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #dani rojas #moe bumbercatch #sam obisanya #ted lasso spoilers

[raysofcrosby]

you are in love – m. tkachuk

warning(s): fluff, small angst, insinuation of smut ((barely)) and sadness<333

inspired by: you are in love by taylor swift w a lil twist<33

word count: 33,031

an: hi ya i’ve been MIA on the writing scene for a bit bc just a general plateau of inspiration but oh lookey here, what’s this??? a new fic??? buckle up besties bc i wrote this in literally four hours and crying about 80% of the time bc i was deep in my feels for over a day when i wrote it, so it’s not edited, probs wont even make any sense either but ya enjoy cool!!! also if it doesn't make any sense thats bc a lot of this was edited from what the original version was and i had to add a bunch of filler shit to make it a hockey fic vs just my personal way of letting my emotions out. so again, don't mind it, enjoy the fic, blah blah blah okay bye<333. ((an 2.0: p.s. i wrote this way before ratty's trade, but added it in the end so if the timeline doesn't add up don't attack pls bc like i said...tons of filler was added)) *italics indicate flashbacks*

You never realize how much stuff can fill a one bedroom apartment until the fifth trip to the store to buy more moving boxes because you seriously underestimated just how much you owned. That could arguably be one of the top three worst things when it comes to moving, tied with actually having to pack your stuff and shifting through what to keep and what to give away.

Luckily, Riley had all the time in the world seeing as she had no responsibilities aside from doing exactly what she was doing in this moment- packing up everything and anything she owned and managed to shove into her 744 square foot apartment she’d called home for the last two years. A mixture of memories brought from home and collected during her time here were all over the apartment, and now in a week's time, they needed to be shoved into multiple moving boxes labeled properly so she wouldn’t be going on a wild goose chase when it came to unpacking them again.

Unluckily, she was also the type of person who found herself easily distracted whenever she came across something that she’d either forgotten she’d owned altogether, or that she’d remember misplacing at one point in time and just never found. A coffee mug, and part gag gift that had “don’t speak” on it from her dad who always jokes that she’s unable and not willing to have a conversation before drinking at least half a cup of coffee– it was buried in the middle back of her cabinet with her other mugs. A swear word coloring book meant for her sister that had somehow slipped behind her bedside table. The journal her mom had gifted her her first Christmas into her masters courses when she’d mentioned how she thought about starting journaling every day as one of her New Year's resolutions.

Riley couldn’t remember the last time she had written in it, though she knew she’d kept the habit up for at least a minimum of the entirety of January, so she flipped open the journal, watching the blank pages brush by until she saw the black ink of the pen she’d always used to write in it. And in the top right corner, was the date of her last entry– March 11th.

She didn’t need to read the entry to remember what she’d written in it…but she was already here, with the journal wide open in her hands…what could it hurt to relive the memory she’d written down on that day?

“Hey, so Jacob and Bren have got pretty much everything packed up in the pod,” Claire said, walking into the now empty apartment and stopping by the bar of the kitchen island where Riley had been leaning. “Are you ready to lock it up or is there some stuff you still need to add?”

Riley looked up from the journal, shutting the hardcover journal– the front of it decorated in pink watercolor pastel and a small bouquet of yellow flowers with the phrase “through sun and rain, flowers bloom all the same” written in black cursive, the pink marking ribbon hanging outside of the lined pages instead of marking where she’d last left off like it was supposed to be.

“Um no, no,” she replied, glancing up from the journal and shaking her head as she placed the journal into the box on the counter next to her, folding the flaps properly and locking them in each other before sliding it off of the counter and holding it in her arms. “Just this box here, but I’ve got it.”

Claire nodded and turned to face what had previously been a homey living room, but was now just an empty room full of potential possibilities. “It feels weird to see this place empty again since I still remember Jacob and I helping you move in with Bren, mom and dad two years ago. I guess it’s a little sad too,” she looked at Riley, nudging her with her shoulder. “But I guess I’m proud of you for getting this job, though I will miss having you within instant bugging distance of me.”

“Gee, thanks,” Riley replied, stepping away from the counter. “Come on, let’s go put this in the pod so we can lock it up and call the company to pick it up soon.”

“Tell me that means we can get early dinner too, right? I’m absolutely starving.” Claire huffed, grabbing the keys to the apartment off of the counter and following behind Riley as they left the now empty place she once called home.

“We can,” Riley nodded, stopping just outside the door as she watched Claire lock the apartment door before they started moving down the hall and towards the elevator. “But I have one more thing I need to do before that.”

Claire’s eyebrows furrowed for only a split second before she pursed her lips and nodded. “That’s right, yeah we’ll totally make a stop before dinner. And then after that–”

“St. Louis,” Riley sighed, her thumbs rubbing against the cardboard in her hands as she nodded. “Yeah, bright and early, first flight out of here.” 

“Then you’re Boston bound once Mom and Dad get their trips down memory lane in,”  Claire smiled, looking down at her phone and typing.

For a moment as she followed behind Claire, she looked down at the box, seeing her own writing in black sharpie across one of the flabs– “Miscellaneous Junk – Riles’ room” “Did you write this on the box?”

Claire looked over her shoulder as the elevator doors opened and peered at the box, nodding her head. “Yeah, it’s just a bunch of junk from your desk isn’t it? Nothing really important is in there, just your knick knacks and stuff from your drawers.”

‘Nothing really important’ stung her harder than it probably should have because sure, she’d asked Claire to go through her desk and toss whatever was left into one box, but that was before she’d looked in and seen what was in it. Random stickers, concert lanyards, the gag gift of a gift box of glow in the dark condoms Janelle had given her– so many of the things in there fell under the junk title Claire had given the box…the ‘nothing really important’ category. But not that journal…nothing written on those lined pages was junk, everything in that journal mattered to Riley.

It took everything in her not to reach in and grab the journal from inside the box, but she didn’t want to gain her sister’s attention or want her interest to be piqued on what was within the hardcover gift. So instead, she just readjusted her grip onto the box and thought about all the ways she might be able to sneak it out without anyone noticing before they put the box into the pod, which would be shipped off to Boston, hopefully later tonight.

There were only 69 entries in that journal, there should’ve been at least 184, but the way she’d gotten swept up in life every day after March 11th, writing in that journal had slipped to the very back of her mind. But every moment of those 69 entries and the 114 days after that, all the way up to that moment on July 2nd that felt world ending, to today– July 4th…it all mattered.

DAY 12 – JANUARY 12TH, 2022 [ FIRST MEETING ]

“I have absolutely no right to be here right now,” Riley said, tugging on the top of the bodycon dress Claire had managed to squeeze her into for the night. One that was just one size too small but for some Godforsaken reason had seemed to fit her everywhere but her chest, which Claire called a blessing but she called a girl's gone wild moment waiting to happen.

“You have every right to be here,” she replied, keeping her steady pace as her heels clicked against the pavement while simultaneously digging through her small clutch for her lip gloss.

“In what dimension do I have the right to be crashing a girls night out–” Riley quickened her pace, the heels Claire also pressured her to shove her feet into for the night, almost matching her own as they clicked on the sidewalk. “Where all of the girls in question, except for me, have the same exact thing in common?”

“Which is?”

“You know exactly what it is,” she huffed, finally coming up beside her just as the two of them were met with the bouncer of the club, the bearded man who looked like he walked off of the front cover of a bodybuilding magazine, instantly waving them both through. “You’re literally all dating professional athletes…on the same team…teammates, Claire. That’s what you all have in common.”

Claire rolled her eyes, grabbing her hand as they both entered the crowded club floor and leading her in the direction of where most of her friends were. “I think you’re forgetting one thing, you also know someone here because you’re both in the same masters courses.”

“Fine, I have one thing in common with one person out of what? The twenty that are here?”

“And me, or have you all of a sudden forgotten that you’re a twin? Because if you’re still mad about me stealing your book fair money in elementary school, I think you need to see a therapist.”

Riley pulled her hand from hers, tugging up at the top of her dress again. “We’re not even twins. You’re eleven months older than me–”

“Basically making us twins,” Claire replied, pulling her forward as she came to a stop in front of a small set of stairs that led up to multiple booths. “Fourth one down, move it.”

“It’s a wonder how you ever won the friendliest in the entire class your senior year,” Riley said, sending a playful glare over her shoulder. “If only they knew the real you.”

“You’re my sister, you get both my nice side and my ‘if you take my favorite sweater out of my closet one more time without asking I’ll dump water on your head in the middle of the night to wake you up,’ side,” Claire smiled, keeping her hand on the small of Riley’s back and nuding her ahead. “Besides, you won best smile which is odd because you never smile, you old grouch.”

“Finally you two show up!” Meredith, Johnny Gaudreau’s wife, was the first one to spot them as Claire shoved Riley up to the booth where the familiar faces of the girls who were either married to or dating Flames players that Riley had gotten to know so far, were sitting in.

“Yeah, it took everything in me to convince Ri here to come out with us and to at least put a little effort into her appearance,” Claire said, greeting Meredith with a hug before moving along to greet the rest of the girls who were there.

“Ha ha, very funny, but some of us have school–”

“Oh not the school excuse,” Kelsey, the one girl out of all of them who Riley had one thing in common with, seeing they were both pursuing Masters Degrees at the University of Calgary in the Kinesiology program. “I know for a fact that we have nothing due over the weekend, not even until the end of next week. Take a break for once Riley, you’re mastering the classes, no pun intended.” She smiled, giving Riley a hug.

“See Ri?” Claire smiled over her shoulder before plopping down in a spot Meredith and Annica, who was dating Elias Lindholm, had made between them. “Now relax and have fun. You don’t even have to leave the comfort of this booth if you want.”

“Actually,” Riley replied, giving Claire a sarcastic smile. “I think I might just have some fun and wander down to the bar and get a drink.”

“I’ll come with you actually!” Kylie, who was dating Dillon Dube, chimed in, standing up from the seating.

“Me too!” Kelsey added, standing up. “Plus I wanted to tell you what Oscar’s reaction to that paper we had to turn in last week was. I swear his eyes popped out of his head when I asked him to proofread it.”

Riley laughed, walking back out of the booth as the two followed behind her. “Please, I barely understood what I wrote and I even have all the notes from class.”

The three of them maneuvered their way back down the small set of steps and then back into the crowd of the bar, Kelsey grabbing onto Riley’s hand and then presumably Kylie’s so the three wouldn’t lose one another in the crowd as Riley led them over towards the bar. Thanks to being invited along to some events by Claire, Riley knew most of the WAGs on the team, but the only one she was really on a super friendly basis with, was Kelsey. Kelsey who was born and raised in Calgary and had attended the University of Calgary for her undergraduate degree as well and had been dating Oscar for the last near two years.

The two of them, Kelsey and Riley, hadn’t made their Flames connection until Claire asked Riley if she would tag along with her to brunch with a few other girls, Claire also wanting Riley to ‘stop hiding in your room, you’re young, have fun!’ Kelsey was at brunch, recognized Riley from one of their lectures and the friendship just blossomed into study sessions, coffee trips and Kelsey also having Riley tag along to things.

“Unbelievable,” Kelsey laughed once the three of them managed to grab a space at the crowded bar. “All of the bars in the city and they go here? Knowing we were all coming out tonight?”

“What?” Kylie asked, looking at Riley for help but Riley just shrugged.

Kelsey sighed and rolled her eyes before nodding her head off to their left and then pointing. “All the way at the end of the bar.”

Riley and Kylie both looked over in the direction she was pointing, and instantly the two girls knew what and who she was talking about. There at the end of the bar and of course, all together in a big group, were a few players from the Flames. Riley could see Jacob and Dillon at the bar talking to the bartender and off behind him were Sean, Johnny, Oscar and they were sure more that weren’t in their view.

“If you guys tell me what you want, you’re more than welcome to go over there and chew their asses out a little bit,” Riley smiled, leaning against the bar.

“You don’t mind? Because like Kels said…there are so many bars here,” Kylie said, looking off at the boys.

“Not at all,” Riley replied, waving them off. “As long as you give Jacob a little hell from me for not telling my insane sister to leave me alone tonight.”

Kylie squeezed Riley’s arm as she brushed by and nodded. “We’ll be right back, don’t leave the bar without us so we don’t lose you.”

“And if any creeps sneak up, yell pterodactyl.” Kelsey noddeed, nodding her head. “It’ll scare them off.”

“Pterodactyl, got it,” Riley nodded, watching them walk away before turning back towards the bar and then shaking her head. “Pterodactyl? Where the hell did she get that from?”

The bartender walked over to her, nodding at her. “What can I get you?”

Riley opened her mouth to speak, only to realize that Kelsey and Kylie never told her what they wanted to drink…so she went with a classic. “Can I get three vodka cranberries?”

The bartender nodded and turned away to make the drinks, Riley flipped her phone over and grabbed her card from the card holder she insisted Claire let her borrow since she wasn’t carrying a purse and was stuffed into the dress.

“I hope all of those aren’t for you,” Riley heard someone say as the bartender placed two of the drinks down in front of her. “Cause that’s about three rounds I’ll miss out on buying you a drink.”

She looked to her left to see the familiar face of Matthew, one of Jacob’s teammates. A face that she’s seen obviously on ice for the games she’s attended since her sister started dating Jacob, but also at some of the team parties that Claire’s invited her to or made her tag along as her plus one. “That’s assuming I’d take your offer to let you buy me one, let alone three.”

“Ouch, tough crowd,” he replied, holding his right hand to his chest, right over his heart and rubbing against his gray t-shirt.

“Sorry,” Riley dramatically pouted as she shrugged. “Did I bruise your hockey player ego by turning down your horrible pick up line? Like seriously, does that even work?”

He moved away from the corner of the bar and came up beside her, resting his arms against it. “Who said it was a line? Maybe I was really looking forward to buying you a drink. Plus, maybe I was also sent over here to make sure no creeps are creepy towards you. You know the whole plus one, stay together thing.”

The bartender placed the last drink in front of her and Riley quickly handed over her card before looking at him with a shrug. “Looks like you failed your mission.” The bartender placed her card back down onto the bar in front of her, along with a receipt and a pen. Riley quickly scribbled her signature and a tip before sliding it across the bar and putting her card back into her phone and looking at Matthew. “Both missions actually, cause I just bought my own drink.”

Matthew rolled his eyes before looking at the bartender and nodding his head, holding up two fingers– Riley taking that as the opportunity to grab her drinks and head back towards the booth. “Hey!” She turned around to see Matthew leaning against the bar, nodding at her with a smile. “The night’s still young. That’s plenty of time for me to buy you that drink!”

“Not unless you find someone else to entertain your time and horrible pick up lines,” Riley smiled back, nodding her head for him to look behind him as a girl was just getting ready to tap him on the shoulder– her intentions for him very clear. “Just don’t use that buy you a drink one.” Riley winked and turned back towards where she was walking, carefully making her way back over to the booth where Claire and the rest of the girls were.

“Riles!” Claire cheered, holding up her empty shot glass before putting it back onto the table. “Where are Kels and Kylie?”

“You guys have some bar crashers!” Riley replied, placing the drinks that belonged to Kylie and Kelsey down onto the table, then covering them with one of the napkins that came wrapped around the cup. “Some of the guys are here and they went to go talk to them.”

“Ugh! All of the bars for a girls night out and they choose this one?” Meredith complained, rolling her eyes and finishing off her drink, then standing up. “I need another drink.”

Once she made her way out of the booth with another girl following behind, Claire took that opportunity to slide over next to Riley. “Get the sourpuss look off your face, have fun and relax, Ri!”

“I am, I’m having a ball! Lame pick up line, alcoholic drink and all!” Riley replied, leaning towards Claire so she could hear her.

“Pick up line? Who tried to pick you up?!” Claire smiled, practically beaming at the idea of Riley getting some sort of attention in the romance department. “Come up, point them out!”

“It was just one of Jacob’s teammates, it was nothing serious–”

Claire grabbed onto her arm, gripping it as her smile grew bigger. “Who! Who! You need to tell me who it was right now!”

Riley rolled her eyes, still able to see where Matthew was standing at the bar…the girl who Riley had told him about, standing next to him a little close and the two talking. She pointed out towards the bar and looked at Claire. “Him.”

She watched as Claire’s focus moved all across the bar before landing on where Riley had been pointing. Riley waited for a falter in her sister’s expression, but all stayed the same aside from Claire laughing and shaking her head. “Oh, Matthew? He’s harmless! A flirt, but a harmless one.”

“Clearly since he’s already moved on from wanting to buy me a drink and insisting on that he will,” Riley replied, turning her attention away from Matthew and the girl at the bar. “But how about we try not to shove any potential attractive male down my throat?”

“But that’s no–”

“You want me to let loose and have a good time?” Riley asked, sipping on the straw in her drink as Claire nodded. “Okay, then stop trying to pawn me off to any guy who shows a remote sense of interest.”

Claire rolled her eyes and sipped on a lighter drink that Riley knew was probably a margarita. “Did you at least think he was cute? Matthew?”

Riley sighed. “I’m not into that right now Claire, you know this. I’m not looking for–”

“A relationship, or love, or someone who will drag you out of the house on a Friday night so you can’t sit on your couch and watch One Tree Hill at night,” Claire replied, waving a hand at Riley and brushing her off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But appease me just this once…do you think he’s cute?”

Riley looked back over to the bar where she watched Matthew take two beers from the bartender before saying something to the girl and then turning around, leaving her at the bar and walking back towards the group of his teammates. “I mean…yeah, he’s cute–”

“Thank you,” Claire smiled, hugging her sister and then pulling away, clinking her cup against hers. “Now was that too hard?”

“I think I just felt a piece of my soul wither and fall off actually,” Riley smiled, taking another sip of her drink as she looked at her sister.

“Oh stop being an old hag,” Claire laughed, shoving her playfully. “You’re way too young and pretty to be so old and bitter.”

Riley laughed, shaking her head. “You do realize that made no sense, right?”

“What can I say?” Claire smiled, shrugging her shoulders as she took another sip of her drink. “The tequila’s strong.”

DAY 22 – JANUARY 22ND, 2022 [ FIRST "DATE ]

“For the love of everything that is good and holy, why the hell did you and Jacob think tonight would be a great idea for a double date?” Riley sighed, tugging the ends of her thin sweater sleeves over her hands and bunching the material in her fists before crossing her arms. “Hockey games end at an average of what? Ten o’clock? Assuming they don’t go into an overtime and a shootout.”

“Oh hush,” Claire replied, waving her off. “It was an additional half hour, it won’t kill you if you’re not in bed before midnight for one night. Besides, you’re 24 and in the prime of your youth. I think staying out for a night would do you some good.”

“Some of us have homework and class–”

“In two days, Riley. It’s a Saturday night, you have no responsibilities until Monday morning, so stop complaining.” Claire turned away from Riley, looking down towards the locker room door where Jacob and the rest of the players were set to come out of.

Technically, Claire was right. Riley didn’t have any responsibilities until Monday morning and that’s more in part to the fact that she didn’t even have any homework due, that was just something she blurted out the moment Claire asked her earlier in the day if she would come to the game tonight with her. It didn’t take much budging for Riley to say no, after all, she loved Jacob and having grown up in St. Louis, her family often went to Blues games– so she enjoyed the game as well. However, once they got to the arena and Claire spilled about how they would also be going on a double date as well, with Riley being the other participant in the other couple, the slight good mood she had came crumbling down.

Claire refused to tell her who she was being forced to go on a date with, other than it was someone that she knew of and they knew Riley would be the girl he was on a date with. Halfway through the game, only when Riley threatened to call herself an uber home did Claire tell her that the date was actually one of Jacob’s teammates– a teammate who had expressed interest to Jacob about Riley that night they were all out at the same bar, despite it being girls night. Jacob told Claire and apparently the two of them had talked for a few days, Claire even talking to the teammate before finally agreeing that she was willing to set Riley up on a double AND blind date.

Though she was of course more than willing to from the jump, just like she’s been trying to hook her up with any male she thought she was a great fit for ever since high school. And it was all the same– she’d buy into her plan, go on the date, either liking the guy or he would ruin any potential feelings within seconds by saying something super misogynistic or just overall not being her type and then she’d end the night saying bye and going home by herself.

It was actually quite a process and one that Riley's come to love, because sure, while having an occasional guy in her bed for an hour or two was nice, she was never one to want to actually share her bed. Claire says she has commitment issues, but Riley liked to think of it as not bothering to settle down for any amount of time if she knew the guy was just going to waste it.

Which of course, everytime their parents came to visit or they traveled home on Holidays, meant her love life was often the topic of discussion. But that’s what happens when Claire’s basically on her way to an engagement and Brendan, their younger brother, had finally managed to convince his long time best friend Evelyn to date him.

Riley was the black sheep her parents worried about, wondering whether or not they’d ever see her bring a boyfriend home for Christmas, walk down an aisle and eventually grace them with grandchildren.

“Look, there’s Jacob now,” Claire said, standing up straight from leaning against the wall and waving her hand up slightly in the air to catch his attention.

Riley looked up from the dull arena hall floor to see Claire’s boyfriend of a little over a year, Jacob Markstrom, walking over, half expecting to see whichever teammate the two of them decided to hook her up with for the night. Jacob was nice and their parents loved him from the moment they’d accidentally met him leaving Riley and Claire’s shared apartment when they had only been dating for four months. Riley told Claire she was going to the airport to pick up their parents and yet the moment they all walked up to the door, out came strolling the 6’6” goalie in all his Swedish and slightly hungover glory.

And much to Claire’s embarrassment and Riley’s amusement, their parents invited him out to lunch later that day and they fell in love with him. There isn’t a single text or phone call between their parents where they don’t ask how Jacob’s doing and seeing if he wanted to come over for the holiday or any other small, family event.

“Good game babe,” Claire smiled, immediately walking into the blonde’s arms and giving him a hug. “Proud of you for blocking those shots there in the shootout.”

“If only I could’ve blocked more in regulation, then we wouldn’t have needed an overtime or shootout.” Jacob replied, leaning down and kissing her, keeping his arm on the small of her. “But thank you älskling, I appreciate it.”

“Hey future brother-in-law, is there any way you could tell me who this mystery date of mine is?” Riley sighed, letting her arms drop as she stood up straight. “Claire Bear over here wouldn’t even give me a single hint aside from he’s one of your teammates.”

Jacob laughed, nodding his head and looking down at Claire. “I don’t know, I think I’ve been sworn to secrecy too. But he should’ve been right behind me,”

“I didn’t see him,” Claire shook her head, looking back behind them as more of the players started to file out in groups before looking back at Jacob. “He didn’t change his mind, did he?”

Jacob shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of, he was talking about it before the game and asking how the driving situation would work. I didn’t tell him–”

“You know what? No big deal,” Riley smiled, feeling relieved as she waved them off and dug into her purse to grab her phone. “You guys go ahead and go on the date and I’ll order myself an uber and go back to my–”

“Hey sorry I’m late, I was just giving Meredith the number of some party planner my mom knows out in Boston. I guess she wants to surprise Johnny with a party out there this summer for his birthday.”

Riley looked up from her purse to see the all too familiar face of Matthew Tkachuk, only this time he wasn’t wearing a t-shirt and some jeans like he’d been wearing at the bar. This time he was wearing a suit– a nice navy blue one at that– and had a black coat draped over his arm. Riley would be lying if she said he wasn’t cute in normal clothes, but she would be lying even more if she said seeing him dressed up in a suit made him even more attractive. She won’t even think about seeing him in full uniform, mostly because honestly, she spent the entire night barely paying attention to the game and trying to figure out who her mystery date was.

It turns out it was–

“Him?” She asked, looking at Claire. “He’s my date?”

“Uh,” Matthew chimed in, holding up a hand. “I’m kind of right here.”

Claire turned away from her and towards Matthew. “Sorry for my sister, Matt. Ri can be rude sometimes.”

Riley didn’t miss the sharp change in her tone when Claire had called her rude, and maybe she was. But it was her initial reaction and Claire knew about the bump in at the bar because Riley had told her. She’d even laughed about it– “oh Matthew? He’s harmless. A flirt, but a harmless one.”

And yet here Claire was, setting her sister up on a date with the “harmless flirt” she’d talked about only a little over a week ago.

“Sorry,” Riley replied, looking down at her purse again and bringing her phone out of it, checking the time. “Claire, can we get going? It’s getting kind of late.”

“Of course, let’s get going,” Jacob nodded, looking back at her sister before the two started to walk off, leaving just her and Matthew standing there.

“After you,” Matthew said, motioning for her to walk. Riley crossed her arms again close to her chest as she turned around to follow behind Jacob and Claire, Matthew walking beside her. “I’m sorry if you were expecting someone else.”

“What?”

Matthew nodded ahead of them towards Jacob and Claire. “You seemed like you were expecting someone else.”

Riley felt her cheeks begin to heat up as she adjusted her arms. “No, not at all. I mean, I–”

“You literally said ‘him’ and didn’t look pleased,” Matthew replied, his free hand in his pants pocket as he shrugged. “I’m not offended, I’m just apologizing if they told you something different. Jacob told me you knew.”

“I knew about the double date, and Claire only told me about it once we got to the arena and she knew I wouldn’t pay for an uber back to my apartment with the traffic.” Riley replied, looking ahead of them just as Jacob and Claire seemed to be hiding the fact they took a quick glance behind them. “So I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.”

Matthew laughed and the first thing Riley noticed was his smile. He hadn’t smiled at the bar, not a full one– just a smirky smile, which at the time she thought that maybe was his trick into getting girls to think he’d had feelings for them or was interested in them.

He has a really nice smile.

“Trust me, nothing you could say would make me feel bad,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders. “Between the chirps between my brother and sister– hell, my parents too and then the stuff online, I’ve got some pretty thick skin.”

“Oh yeah, professional hockey player, I forgot,” Riley laughed softly, hugging her arms closer to her again as they caught up to Jacob and Claire and stepped into the garage within the Saddledome where players and employees of the team alike, parked.

“Okay so here’s the thing,” Claire said, clasping her hands together and looking up at Jacob before looking back at her and Matthew. “We forgot we promised to facetime into a call to Jacob’s family. His sister’s got some news to share and wanted everyone to be on a call.”

Riley’s jaw dropped as she stared at her sister, who conveniently was avoiding her gaze. “Claire–”

“But it’s still pretty early so you guys feel free to grab some coffee or a drink, hang out and get to know each other. Just because it’s not a double date, doesn’t mean it still can’t be a date,” Claire smiled, finally looking over in her direction only to be greeted with an ‘I know you had this planned all along’ look from her sister. “Matthew, I trust you to get my sister back to her apartment safely? Or you can just take her back to your place–”

“Claire!” Riley spoke through gritted teeth, blinking obviously at her sister who was already dragging Jacob away from them both.

“Text me in the morning! Have a good night!” Claire smiled, waving at the both of them as Jacob followed behind, he too lifted a large arm to wave his hand in the air.

Riley watched helplessly as they got into his car, turning around to face Matthew once she heard the sound of an engine start. “I am…so, so sorry for that.” She scoffed softly, shaking her head in disbelief. “Claire’s pretty straightforward, but I promise I had no idea she was going to do that. You really don’t have to feel obligated to take me home or anything.”

“It’s fine,” Matthew replied, shaking his head as he pulled his hand out of his pocket and holding onto his keys. “I can take you home if you want to go.”

She felt guilty, partly because she was so embarrassed to have been blatantly left there by her sister and the other half because she knew this isn’t what Matthew had signed up for at all. He was expecting a double date, a double date where the girl knew who she was going out with. He didn’t sign up for a surprise double date or to have said double date crash and then be left with possibly no date and to take his stranded date home.

“If it’s not too much?” Riley finally spoke, feeling uncomfortable with her own guilt. “I promise I don’t live too far away. I’m actually only about five minutes away from where Jacob and Claire live if you know it?”

“I know it,” he nodded, motioning again for her to start walking as he walked beside her. “Claire’s quite the host when it comes to team stuff. The Thanksgiving they held at their place this year was pretty fun. Though, you weren’t there I don’t think.”

“That’s right, I forgot she did that,” Riley nodded in reply. “I went home since I didn’t have any classes, but I remember her saying she and a few others were going to do something. But yeah, Claire’s quite the hostess. Life of the party even.”

“She’s something,” Matthew nodded, quickening his pace just a little before coming to a stop by a black Audi SUV and opening the passenger door. “I started the car once we entered the garage, so it should be warmer here.”

“Oh,” Riley was caught off guard. Despite the action itself being bottom of the barrel of what men were expected to do, Riley truly couldn’t remember the last time any date she had, had opened any door for her…not just a car door. “Thank you.”

Matthew just nodded in reply and waited for her to get into the car before he checked to make sure her feet or her purse weren’t hanging out so he could close the door. And though he could’ve taken his time to walk around, she watched him walk around the back of his car with a sort of urgency, not leaving her alone inside for long before he was opening the driver door and ducking into the car.

He fiddled with the radio for a bit before picking up an aux cord and offering it up to her. “You’re more than welcome to have the aux. I’m not all too picky with music.”

“Are you sure?” Riley asked, looking at him to see if she could spot any sign of him changing his mind.

“Absolutely, you can have it,” he said, handing the cord over.

Riley took it from his hand and plugged it into her phone, unlocking it and opening her music library. “Any requests?”

“Just whatever you want to play,” he said, looking away from her as he put his seatbelt on and then put his car into reverse.

She felt nervous sitting there in his car and she didn’t know if it was because she was sitting in the car of someone who was basically a stranger to her, or because of the kind of date setting. It took everything in her not to physically move in her seat to try to get the nerves out, so instead she just endlessly scrolled through her music library, not even picking a song.

“My family and I play this game when it comes to what songs to play, that way there’s not one person who’s picking all the songs,” she said, breaking the silence as she looked at him.

“What’s that?” He asked, sneaking a look at her before maintaining his focus on backing out of his parking spot to eventually straighten up and leave the garage.

“We each took turns picking a letter and a number. Whatever letter someone picks, you’ll scroll down to the number they picked and then that’s the song.”

“Okay, I got it,” Matthew nodded, looking at her as he pulled out of the garage. “B 163.”

Riley stared at him, blinking once or twice. “In what universe would you ever think I have 163 songs that start with the letter B?”

“I don’t know, I just went with a random mix,” he shrugged, looking at her. “So do you?”

“Maybe.” She knew she did. So she just bit back the smile that was trying to reveal her cards and looked back down at her phone, scrolling to the B’s and then starting to count.

Matthew pulled out into the street as she reached 90 and saw she was passing some pretty great songs, and made mental notes of what numbers they were…which was technically cheating, but her brother did it all the time.

158…right? Wait yeah 158…159….160….161….162….Oh no.

This could either go one of two ways– he could hear the song and enjoy it, or he could look at her like she was just a 12-year-old who never grew up and speed the entire way to drop her off at her own apartment, just so he could get her out of the car.

Wait? Isn’t that what she wanted?

Not wasting another moment, she took a deep breath and pressed the song, closing her eyes to prepare for whatever critique Matthew was going to hurl her way.

She looked at him from the corner of her eye as the piano started to play from the speakers, only giving him a second of instrumental before the vocals picked up and giving away just what song was playing.

“We’re soarin’, flyin’, there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach. If we’re tryin’, so we’re breaking free…”

“Is this High School Musical?” He smiled, looking at her as they pulled up to a stoplight.

“Yeah,” she replied, smiling sheepishly as she rubbed her arm. “My music library’s kind of all over the place and sometimes I like listening to the old Disney classics.”

He laughed, nodding his head as he reached out and turned the volume dial up just a little. “I remember watching this when it came out. I was always a hockey player, but that’s when I discovered that maybe I wasn’t exactly a basketball player.”

“Oh God, why can I see you dressed up as Troy Bolton for Halloween?” Riley laughed, looking at him.

Matthew’s face scrunched up as she shook his head. “Oh hell no, never. I was always a hockey player for Halloween, never the same one unless it was my Dad. But my brother and I switched each year on who got to be him.” He looked over at her with that same smirk from the bar. “But I do know the words to the song.”

“Go on then,” Riley smiled, motioning towards the radio. “Sing it.”

Matthew cleared his throat as he turned the music down just barely, as if the difference in volume would make a difference in whether or not she’d be able to hear him sing. “We’re soarin’, flyin’, there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach. If we’re tryin’, yeah we’re breaking free–”

“Okay, no, no,” Riley laughed, reaching out and turning the volume way down as Matthew laughed. “I’m sorry, but I can not have you butchering the musical stylings of Troy and Gabriella like that.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad of a singer!”

“Yeah, it’s cute that you try.”

The car rolled to a stop as the song continued to play quietly, Matthew tapping his fingers on the top of his steering wheel and chewing the inside of his cheek as he stared ahead at the red light, waiting for it to turn green. “I normally stay up a little bit after games because it takes me some time to wind down, and the coffee shop I usually go to is on the way to your apartment…” He looked at her, and even Riley wasn’t oblivious to the nerves written all over his face. “Would you want to stop and grab something to drink maybe?”

“I could go for a hot chocolate or something,” Riley nodded, looking at him.

“Okay, cool,” Matthew smiled, looking back towards the light as it turned green and kept driving.

It turns out that the coffee shop Matthew had mentioned, was only a few blocks up ahead from where they had been. They were closing soon and Matthew asked if she would be okay with staying in the car while he went to grab their drinks, just so she didn’t have to walk out into the cold January air. He stayed nearby, making sure she locked it once he had left and then Riley watched through the passenger window as he walked into the coffee shop with the same urgency as he had when he walked around his car.

She knew of Matthew only because of living in the city of Calgary who took their hockey very seriously. Plus, her sister was dating their goalie and Riley had tagged along to some events and nights out with the girlfriends and wives of players. Most importantly, his dad was treasured back home in her hometown of St. Louis, having played there during the years where she and her family had gone to games. But never in her entire life had she crossed paths with Matthew or his family– not until she moved to Calgary, not until Claire started dating Jacob, and most definitely not until last week at the bar or this moment right now sitting in his car, waiting for him to come back with their hot drinks. 

Riley saw Matthew place money in a tip jar before turning back around with two drinks in hand. Once she saw he was at her door, she rolled the window down to take the drinks from him and placed them into the cupholder before unlocking the car so he could get back into the car. 

“So I know I said I’d take you home, but can I show you something first?” He asked, picking up one of the drinks and handing it to her. “They’re both hot chocolate by the way, so you don’t have to take this one.”

“No it’s fine,” she replied, taking the cup. “And I mean…sure? I guess I’m not really all that tired right now.”

“Cool. I promise it’s not too far, it’s actually just around the corner,” he smiled, putting the car into park and peeling into the street before continuing to drive.

She sat in the passenger seat, sipping on her hot chocolate as Matthew continued the drive, eventually pulling into the parking garage of an apartment complex that Riley had considered moving into herself shortly before moving out of her and Claire’s shared apartment. They drove up to the second level before finally finding a spot, Matthew pulling into it and putting the car into park.

“It’s just a little bit of a walk, but not much, I promise,” Matt said, looking at her before opening his car door and getting out.

Riley followed suit, making sure she had her phone, purse and hot chocolate before closing the passenger door and walking towards the end of the car. “I actually considered moving here a year ago.”

“Really?” Matthew asked, standing by the trunk and waiting for her to be beside him before they started walking. “Too bad you didn’t. Maybe we could’ve been neighbors.”

Riley snorted, shaking her head as she took a long sip of her hot chocolate. “That’s doubtful. I don’t have NHL money.”

Matthew stopped just ahead of her and stood in her way, holding out his hand and motioning for her. “Here, put this on,” he held his coat out as he nodded at her drink in her hand. “I’ll hold your drink.”

“Oh, it’s really no–”

“I’ve at least got a long sleeve shirt and a jacket on to keep me warm, you’ve got…whatever kind of sweater that is.” He moved the winter coat again, “just take it, you’ll need it I promise.”

Instead of arguing with him, Riley just sighed and nodded and handed over her hot chocolate before taking the black winter coat he’d had draped over his arm at the arena, unfolding it and putting it on, buttoning only the middle button so it wouldn’t stay open. “There, I’m a little warmer now.”

“Good, because Claire would kill me if I let you freeze to death I’m sure.” He replied, handing her back her drink before nodding his head back. “Come on, I’ll take you to what I wanted to show you.”

“As long as I’m in my own bed by midnight and you’re not going to turn me into the next inspiration for a Criminal Minds episode when they come back with their reboot, then okay.”

She walked alongside him as he scanned a key fob to get into the building, once again Matthew holding the door open for her and allowing her to walk in first before following just behind her and nodding his head to his left. “The elevator right here.”

“So what’s this thing you want to show me?” She asked, waiting for him to close the door behind him.

“It’s a surprise,” he replied, making sure the door closed behind him before walking over and nodding at the elevator button. “You should feel special because I don’t show this spot to just anyone.” He looked at her with that same playful smirk.

Riley pressed the button, signaling for the elevator to come to the floor they were on and when the double doors opened, they both walked into the elevator, Matthew pressing the close doors button as well as the button at the top of them all that had only say T. As the elevator started to move, Riley leisurely sipped on her hot chocolate, Matthew doing the same as they waited for the elevator to come to a stop.

“I’m not sleeping with you,” she chimed, the words she meant to say earlier when he brought up going somewhere else instead of taking her right home, finally coming out. “I meant what I said about being back in my own bed by midnight.” 

“Relax,” he laughed, rolling his eyes. “My mom raised me right, you know.”

“Oh, so you’re telling me you’ve never had a one night stand? Mr. makes a million dollars a year, basically the face of a franchise and NHL player?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm as she brought the cup back up to her lips.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, Matthew stepped towards the doors, holding his arm out in front of them and waving for her to walk through. “Actually I’m earning nine million this year,” he replied, tilting his head to the side as he took a sip of his hot chocolate and sighing. “And I’m hardly the face of a franchise, that’s Johnny. And no, I didn’t say that, just come on will you?”

She followed his directions, stepping off of the elevator and back out into the cold January air. “Where are we?” She asked, holding her hot chocolate closer to her chest as she heard the elevator doors close behind her.

“I found it when I moved in,” he said, nodding at her to follow him as he started to walk away from the elevator and down the wheelchair ramp. “The owner of the complex doesn’t advertise it when people check into living here, mainly because it has no standing on the rent.”

There were small posts that hung garden lights from around them, dimly lighting the space they were on. As Riley looked around, she noticed a different variety of lounge chairs– the kinds you could find in gardens, on front porches or even poolside. She could see off to their left, was what looked to be a small garden, though again the light that the garden lights hung around the seating area didn’t really show all that much. She could, however, see the fire pit that sat in the center of all of the chairs, letting her know that this must be some kind of hang out spot for the complex. Maybe if she had looked deeper into this complex when she was searching for a new apartment, she might’ve known about it.

“Over there’s a small community garden, I think there’s a few vegetables and spices, but really it’s only flowers. I asked the owner about it when I came up here one day after drunk pressing the wrong floor and he said he puts a place like this on all of his properties, in memory of his wife who died of breast cancer because she loved to garden.” Matthew walked away from the garden and just passed some of the chairs before coming to a stop on the other side of the rooftop, where there were no dim garden lights. “The whole terrace is supposed to be a kind of place where people can come out and relax, clear their minds, you know? But I’ve never seen anyone come up here.”

“Maybe because it’s cold,” Riley said, walking up next to him and leaning her arms against the ledge of the terrace.

Matthew rolled his eyes and rested his hot chocolate on the ledge. “You don’t say?”

“Just pointing out the obvious is all,” she smiled, taking another sip of her hot chocolate as she looked towards the other side of the terrace. “The idea of it is nice though, I like it. Plus the view,” she blew out a low whistle as she looked back out towards downtown Calgary. “It’s beautiful. I can only imagine what it looks like during the day.”

“I like it better at night,” Matthew replied, tapping his fingers against his cup as he shrugged. “It helps clear my mind a bit after games.”

“Only if you’re not going out with the boys, right?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Right,” he laughed, nodding his head as he took a sip of his hot chocolate and shrugged. “It kind of reminds me of looking out of the airplane window when you’re flying at night, you know? Seeing all the lights from the buildings in the city you’re flying over and how there’s a whole city of people who are living their lives individually. It makes you realize just how big the world is.”

Riley let a few moments of silence pass as she let her cooling down hot chocolate cup try to warm up her hands before she nodded and looked at him. “Wow…that was deep for a hockey player.”

He laughed and shook his head as he kept his eyes out towards the cityscape, opening his mouth to say something, only to pause and stand up straight from his leaning stature, pointing ahead of him. “Wait, look!”

Riley raised an eyebrow as she looked out over the city lights and out towards the far away, dark horizon. “What?”

“This is going to sound ridiculous, but I swear I saw a shooting star,” Matthew kept his gaze out ahead of him for a few more seconds before he let his hand drop and he looked at her. “Like…no bullshit it moved.”

“Orrrrr,” she dragged out, looking at him. “Maybe it was an airplane.”

“Moving that fast? Really?”

“You never know with guys like Elon Musk trying to build crazy shit and defy the inevitable every second of every day,” she replied, bringing her cup back up to her lips as she turned back towards the city.

Matthew let the silence settle between them, though she could still feel his gaze on her and his body being turned towards her as well. “You’re a lot different than your sister…”

“Says you and every other person who’s walked into our lives.” Riley shrugged, holding her cup with both hands. “Claire’s a lot more…hopeful, she likes to see the petter picture of options and I’m more–”

“Of a cynical bitch?” Riley almost choked on her sip of air, rather than hot chocolate seeing as she hadn’t tipped her cup far enough yet, and when she looked at Matthew, he was looking at her with wide eyes. “Sorry…are we not at that level of friendship yet?”

This time she laughed as she placed her cup down onto the ledge and nodded. “Actually, I was going to say the same thing.”

“So…why is that?” He asked, reaching out and gripping his fingers onto the concrete ledge as he leaned himself backwards, almost as if he was stretching his arms. “You guys are what? Only a little over a year apart?”

“You said you have a brother right?” She asked, as he nodded in reply. “Are you and your brother the same person?”

“Well…kind of?” He replied, shrugging. “But he can get a little more crazy than me. Plus he’s got that whole middle child thing going on, so he always needs to be the center of attention.”

“Hey, I’m a middle child,” Riley faked offense, reaching out and nudging his arm.

“You said it, not me.” Matthew smiled, tilting his head to the side. “But really…siblings having their individual personalities aside…you guys aren’t that far apart in age, so I guess I just figured you’d be a little bit alike, you know”

“I don’t know,” Riley took a deep breath and sighed as she shrugged her shoulders and looked at him. “Claire will say it’s because of my Junior year prom date standing me up and going to prom with his ex-girlfriend– why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” He asked, trying to fight back the knowing smirk that was already present on his face.

“Smirking,” she said, turning her body towards him and waving at his face. “You’re smirking and nodding like you just figured something out.”

“More like figured you out,” he replied, pulling himself closer to the ledge before letting go of the concrete and bringing his arms into his chest as he rested them on the ledge and leaned against them. “And I don’t think you’re as cynical as you think or want people to think you are. I just think you’re scared.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t know me.”

“No,” he replied, looking over at her. “But I’d like to…get to know you.”

Riley squinted as she held her arms closer to her and leaned against the ledge, almost copying him. “Why?”

“Well for one, I think it’s cool we’re from the same city–”

“Technically state, because you’re from boujee Chesterfield.”

“And second…I think you’re funny and I definitely liked how you were at the club.”

“Ohhhh,” Riley smiled, nodding at him. “So you liked how I didn’t fall for your little pick up routine, right? Let me guess…you like the challenge?”

Matthew didn’t smile or put that smirk on like she thought he would, like most men would the moment the challenge of picking up a woman was brought up. Instead he just stuck out his bottom lip partially and shrugged. “I don’t see you as a challenge because you’re a person…but you’ve piqued my interest and I’d like to get to know you better. Plus your sister’s dating my teammate so.”

Riley turned back towards him and leaned her left arm on the railing. “Well I hate to break it to you Matthew, but I really don’t see this happening. Relationships and I don’t really do well–”

“Oh? So you admit it?” He asked, raising both eyebrows as he turned towards her. “You want a relationship?”

“I– no, that’s not–” Riley huffed in frustration as soon as she saw him smile and then rolled her eyes in an effort to keep her own smile at bay. “Fine.”

“Fine what?”

“I’ll let you consider this our first date,” she replied, nodding at him before curling her upper lip slightly. “Though it’s not looking too good that you spent the first near two hours of our date smashing other guys into boards, plus the extra thirty minutes of waiting after…and not to mention you didn’t even give me a puck.”

Matthew laughed, a deep, belly laugh as he head leaned back just slightly before nodding and looking at her. “Okay, so I’ll have to make the second date better then. Don’t worry, I got it.”

“Wow. Already giving up on this one that you think it’s going to end badly? What? Afraid I’ll tell my sister how bad of a kisser you are when you try to kiss me tonight?”

That stupid smirk returned as he stood himself up straight and turned to her. Riley wanted to do nothing more than to kiss it off of his stupid lips and by the way he looked at her, he knew it too. “That’s the thing, I’m not kissing you tonight. Come on, let me take you home.”

“And why not?” Riley’s eyebrows furrowed as she grabbed her hot chocolate and followed behind him back towards the chairs. “Am I not kissable?”

He laughed again, finishing off his hot chocolate before tossing it into the trashcan, holding the slot open for her as she finished what remained of hers and tossed it in as well. “Oh no, you’re definitely kissable and I’m fighting every urge right now not to kiss you.” He led them up to the elevator and he pressed the button. “But my mom always taught me not to kiss on the first date.”

Riley hugged her arms closer to her, starting to feel the Calgary chill as the wind started to pick up. If she wasn’t so cold, she was sure that the shock of his statement would be frozen all over her face. Here he was, a 24-year-old bachelor living in a city that praised the ice he skated on. He’d had one night stands, he told her that, and yet she wouldn’t…couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact Matthew Tkachuk…didn’t kiss on the first date?

“I-well..that’s…” she paused, unsure of how to play off her shock despite her already failing so miserably to do so. “Sweet.”

Matthew smiled, nodding his head. “And if you let me take you home so you don’t freeze to death, I guarantee you’ll learn more about me on our second date…and maybe get a kiss at the end of that too.”

Riley scoffed, shaking her head and standing up straight as the elevator doors opened. “I’m not cold.”

“Say that to the shivering sound of your teeth when you were doubting my shooting star,” he reached out and rested his hand on the small of her back, nudging her into the warmth of the elevator first, keeping it there as he walked into the elevator himself, removing it once they were both inside of the elevator and he pressed the button of the floor they needed to go to and her back pressed against the elevator wall.

It didn’t matter though. She felt the warmth of his hand against her skin through both his jacket and her flimsy sweater the rest of the elevator ride, the car ride back to her apartment and when she was lying in her own bed.

At 11:59.

DAY 43 – FEBRUARY 12TH, 2022 [ IT'S OFFICIAL ]

How the hell did I get here?

That’s a question Riley found herself asking herself anytime that she woke up in Matthew’s apartment. Whether that was on his couch or in his bed, she always wondered. And the question wasn’t asked in a “I got too drunk last night how the hell did I get here” way, it was more of a “how the hell did I end up waking up in the apartment of a man, most of the time not hungover or after a wild night out– but instead after receiving the text of ‘just landed, not tired, feel like coming over to watch a movie?’” Kind of way.

Only a handful of times in the last three weeks has she found herself waking up in his apartment with her head throbbing, her mouth dry from drinking and the taste of her drunken meal lingering in her morning breath. The rest of the time she’s woken up from falling asleep on the couch watching a movie or a show one of his teammates or his friends from home or his siblings suggested he watched, waking up in his bed curled up beneath his heavy comforter with her head sharing the space with his on his all-time favorite pillow.

But no matter how she ended up at his apartment or the circumstances behind how she fell asleep and where, the two things that were consistent every single time, were her wearing one of his shirts and that she always woke up with his arms wrapped around her. Unless, like this morning, he somehow woke up before her and she was greeted to an empty bed. But the smell of food and the sound of running water and pans clinking echoing from behind his closed bedroom door told her exactly where he was and what he was doing.

Riley got out of bed, turning towards the mattress and making her side of the bed up and looking up to see that he had already done it, even though he’s always made a joke at how the first thing she does when she wakes up in the morning is make the bed– even if he’s still in it. She walked over to his dresser, opening the third drawer which she knew had his gym shorts in it and pulled out a black pair before closing the drawer and then putting the shorts on, rolling the waistband once before opening his bedroom door and walking out into his apartment, immediately seeing him standing in his kitchen by the stove, his back facing her.

She walked over, feeling the cool of the wooden floor beneath her feet as she made her way through both the living room and dining room and into the kitchen, the tile even colder. She came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and standing up on her toes to rest her chin on his shoulder. “Whatcha doing?”

“Well good morning sleeping beauty,” Matt laughed, looking at her and lifting his right arm up to let her move under it so she was resting against his side. “I didn’t think you’d be getting up for another hour.”

“Mm, I smelled breakfast,” she smiled, looking up at him and leaning up to kiss him before turning back  and snuggling into his side. “Which I assume you’re making for yourself?”

“Ha ha, no,” he replied, rolling his eyes as he carefully switched the spatula from his right hand to his left and flipped the omelet. “I was actually going to surprise you with breakfast in bed. But seeing as you’re awake now, do you think you can go ahead and crack the eggs and scramble them for me so I can make mine once yours is done?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I kind of like the idea of breakfast in bed, sounds super romantic actually. Almost–” she paused as the word froze in her throat. Domesticated. ‘Almost domesticated’ is what she was going to say, but she couldn’t…wouldn’t, really.

Sure, it’s already been almost three weeks since that failed blind double date, turned…sort of first date for her and Matthew and maybe by now, especially with as often as they talked and how much time they spent together between her classes and his schedule, including just how many times post game they tagged along to a late dinner with Claire and Jacob or another player and their significant other…they never had a talk about being official. A “what are we” conversation has definitely happened, Matthew first brought it up one month in, stating that he didn’t want to just be a hook-up, but also wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship yet and her stance was the same. The conversation ended with no solid answer, but they both decided to continue with…whatever this was anyway.

Because then, she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted. A relationship was…a possibility in the cards, but at that point in time it didn’t feel like she could truly open herself up to one, especially one with him. Yet here she was, almost two months later and the word ‘domesticated’ almost came out of her mouth to describe the very action Matthew was doing– making them breakfast.

And for the first time since high school, she wanted to be in a relationship. More importantly, she wanted to be in one with him…but she’d gone along with not wanting a relationship he brought up first, so maybe it would be best to just play along with whatever they were doing until Matthew changed his mind.

And hopefully he changed his mind.

“Riles?”

“Hm?” She asked, shaking her head slightly before looking up at him.

“The eggs?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she nodded, unwrapping her arms from his waist and walking over to the fridge.

“Did I lose you there for a second?” He laughed, flipping the omelet again before picking up the pan and tilting it, letting the omelete slide onto the plate. “You kinda paused there.”

“Oh no,  just…brain fart, you know?” She laughed, grabbing two more eggs from the fridge before closing it, walking behind him and to his left where the bowl he’d previously used was. “I was just going to say that it was almost enough to make me really like you is all.”

Matthew snorted, nodding his head as he sprayed the pan again with some pam. “So what does that mean? You only like me?”

Riley looked over her right shoulder with a playful smile and shrugged. “Eh.”

“Eh?” He mimicked, shaking his head. “Does this mean I can cancel our having no plans and go out and catch up with the rest of the guys out at the simulated golf course today?”

She immediately turned around, eyes wide as she shook her head. “Wait no, you said we could just stay in today and relax since we’re going to that big super bowl party tomorrow,” she started to pout as he walked over to her, taking the eggs from her hands. “We were supposed to start One Tree Hill today.”

Matthew cracked an egg and dropped it into the bowel before tossing the shell into the sink, shrugging as he pouted. “Eh.”

“Matthew–” Riley barely spoke before he looked at her with that stupid smirk that always made her stomach fill with butterflies. He was never going to cancel their day in, he was only messing with her. She nudged him away, taking the remaining egg back and cracking it into the bowl. “You suck.”

He leaned in and kissed her cheek while simultaneously taking the bowl from her and handing her the plate with her omelete on it. “Eat your breakfast, I’ve already got the bread in the toaster so all you’ll need to do it toast it and butter it.”

Riley walked over to the toaster, pushing down the slots and then left her plate in front of it before moving just a little way over and pulling herself up onto the counter. “So…”

She paused again as she stared at the back of him, adding the cheese and spinach into his omelete. Again, she was asking herself the same ‘how the hell did I get here?’ Question that she’s been asking herself for weeks now. How, in the actual hell, did she go from cynical, romance is gross, jokingly telling Claire and Jacob to at least warn her before they were going to kiss in her presence, never getting the big hype about rom-com movies…to this? To waking up in bed with Matthew in mornings after nights where sometimes all they did was lounge on the couch and watch a new Netflix suggestion? To knowing her way around his apartment like she did her own? She had products in his shower, his clothes were hers, she kept a pair of shoes over here, he had almond milk in the fridge for her and her favorite cereal mingled in with his own. To him making her breakfast and planning on greeting her in bed with it?

It almost felt surreal, her entire situation. How did it all happen so fast, practically In the blink of an eye– like all of the rom-com’s Claire loved to watch every weekend– and she never even noticed it?

“Sooo?” Matthew echoed, bringing her back into reality as he looked over his shoulder. “Care to finish that thought?”

“I was just going to ask if you were prepared to enjoy the amazing, legendary show of One Tree Hill? And also that you can’t watch it without me, because I need to see your reaction to the most pinnacle stuff.”

“Is it really that legendary if I’ve never heard of it?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked over at her.

Riley rolled her eyes as their pieces of toast popped up. “Considering your only interests in life when the show was on air was hockey and oh wait…hockey!” She nudged herself off of the counter and smiled at him. “I would be surprised if you have heard of it.”

“Hey, I like to think that interest in hockey paid off, hm?” He said, turning the stove off before placing his omelete onto his plate.

“All I know is that if you’re on the wrong Scott’s brother team, I don’t know if we can be friends,” she said, taking the lid off of the butter and starting to butter the pieces of toast.

“Ouch, first I’m demoted to like and now we might not be friends?” He playfully scoffed as she put the toast onto his plate and cut it. “I guess I better not mess this up huh?” He whispered into her ear before kissing her temple and then grabbing both of their plates just as she put her toast onto her own. “Now come on, we’ve got hill trees to watch.”

“Tree Hill!” She groaned, taking the butter and putting it into the fridge. “It’s called One Tree Hill!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, shooting her a smile over his shoulder. “Now come on, it’s time to start our day of relaxing.”

And they did. They had breakfast together, starting season one, episode one of One Tree Hill at 10:30 am…and almost twelve hours later and every bathroom break, pause to answer a question and door dash delivery in between…they were on season one, episode eighteen with five more episodes left of the first season.

For Riley, it was one of her personal favorite episodes– the Boy Toy charity auction episode– and despite Matthew thinking (and complaining) it was because of Nathan Scott walking out onto the stage and taking off his jacket to reveal ‘boy toy’ written across his very impressive abs– “I might not have a six pack but I’m better.” “He’s Nathan Scott…”– it was actually because of the growth Nathan shows and then the development of the lives of the other characters and the relationships.

Still…Nathan Scott shirtless also wasn’t that bad of a sight.

But right there on the couch was where they spent their entire day, lounging around in different positions unless it came to eating food, then they both sat up, but once they were done they went back down into whatever position they’d been lying in prior. And right now, the position they were lying in and had been lying in for the better half of the last two episodes since they finished dinner, had them both sharing the chaise of Matthew’s sectional sofa. Matthew was laying the full length of it, while Riley was too, except she had her head rested in his lap and her body curled up as she laid on her right side, her head resting on his right thigh where his hands had been alternating between playing with her hair or just simply running his fingers through it.

The fact that their entire day had been spent lounging around together and more specifically, that small action of him playing with her hair, wasn’t helping her brain to keep from focusing on the domestic dilemma they were in…or maybe it was just her, because Matthew looked like he had nothing going on except for everything in the moment. The dire need to know just what exactly their situation was, was bouncing around in her head so much, that she had completely missed the last five minutes of the episode, not realizing it until she felt him reach out with his right hand to grab the remote beside him.

‘What are we doing?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Um…watching the next episode of One Tree Hill?” He replied, looking confused as he paused the tv. “Unless you don’t want to?”

She felt her face heat up at the bluntness of her question without any context and Matthew must have been able to tell she was embarrassed about something, because he motioned for her to move closer to him as he sat himself up against the back of the couch. Riley felt like a puppy with its tail between its legs as she pushed herself up and carefully moved so not to lean too much against his lap, and ended up laying down between him and the arm of the couch.

“Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?” He asked, nodding towards the tv. “Or did I completely misread your question?”

“I mean…I wasn’t really all that straightforward with what I meant,” she spoke nervously, her left hand resting on the material of his t-shirt and playing with the ripples in the fabric.

“I’m still not sure what we’re talking about here…” He replied, his eyebrows furrowing as he rolled the remote in his hand.

Riley took a deep breath and exhaled, pushing herself up onto her right hand as she leaned back against the arm rest. “I know…we talked about how this isn’t really an exclusive hook-up situation, but you also don’t know if you want a relationship right now and I don’t know. I have products in your bathroom, I keep an extra pair of shoes here, you’ve got some stuff at my place.”

She looked up from her twiddling hands and sighed, shrugging her shoulders. “I guess I just want to know what we are, because Claire’s got a big mouth and no doubt has told them something or referred to you as my boyfriend and I just really need to know what to tell my parents and well…everyone else when they ask…I guess?”

Matthew just stared at her and every passing second felt like it was dragging on and the longer he stayed silent, the more embarrassed she felt and wanted to play it off as if she was just sleep talking- though she knew that he wouldn’t believe it for a second.

“Okay,” he cleared his throat, readjusting his posture as he tried to turn his body more towards her. “I mean…I was going to wait till after Valentine’s Day to ask if you wanted to make it more official, because I know you hate Valentine’s Day–”

“I don’t hate Valentine’s Day,” Riley scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I just think it can be super cheesy sometimes, plus the whole,” she waved her hand aimlessly, “going all out on one day of the year and putting half-assed effort into a relationship the other 364 days is dumb.”

Matthew held back a smile as he looked at her. “Wanna date?”

Her face deadpanned as she looked at the now beaming Matthew, her heart racing within her chest. “Really? You ask like that?”

“Just kidding, but I’m also dead serious,” he replied, dropping the remote in his lap as he held onto one of her hands. “I’ve been really enjoying…whatever this has been the last two months, and I know I said I wasn’t sure if I was ready for a relationship…but I’m pretty sure now that I do. So do you want to change this,” he motioned between them with his free hand before resting his left arm back over the back of the couch. “Into us dating…officially?”

Now Riley was the one who sat there staring at him, only her mouth was slightly opened and the word, though she was dying to say it, sat there frozen on the tip of her tongue. “Riles? Now would uh…be a good time to answer?”

“Yeah?” She finally replied, before nodding her head as an unsure look crossed his face. “Yes, I mean yes.”

Matthew smiled and leaned in, pressing her against the arm of the couch as he kissed her before pulling back and looking at her. “I was going to do this the whole romantic way, you know? Flowers, chocolates, take you out to a nice dinner and I know you’re not a big fan of it, but will you also be my Valentine?”

Riley playfully scoffed as she rolled her eyes, leaning forward and pressing her nose against his. “If I must.” She kissed him again before pulling away and then patting his thigh. “Now back to One Tree Hill, we’ve got four more episodes and then we’ve finished season one.”

“Four?” He sighed, leaning his head back as she crawled back between his legs, laying back to where she was before. “We’re sleeping on the couch tonight aren’t we?”

She looked back at him with a smile and shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time. Besides, we have no plans until the afternoon, we’ll get some sleep.”

Matthew picked the remote back up and started the next episode before resting it back down onto the couch beside him. He reached forward, tugging on the blanket that she was using and making sure she was covered up enough before she felt him sink back down into the couch. Riley tried hard not to let the butterflies she was feeling in her stomach turn into her own self feeling antsy as she laid there thinking about the reactions of Claire and the rest of the WAGs tomorrow when they found out that Matthew and she had finally decided to date. And then she couldn’t stop her mind from spiraling about her parents, other friends, would things change between them or would the relaxing hangouts feel like more needed to be happening? All of this was so new to her. The last time she had a “boyfriend” was in seventh grade– and who really counted those? That wasn’t this– this was so different, this was–

And as if he knew she was starting to spiral inside of her own head, Matthew started to play with her hair again, alternating between running his fingers through her hair or rubbing her hair back and out of her forehead. Soon, the worried thoughts about what their current relationship would, should or could turn into and she felt her body relax into the couch and into Matthew as she watched the show on the tv in front of them. And when her body relaxed, her eyes did too and she found it hard to keep them open long enough to retain what was actually taking place.

She’d seen One Tree Hill all the way through multiple times, so she knew all about what happened in this episode. But it was the thought of experiencing it for the first time with Matthew that kept making her open her eyes despite the time in between getting longer and longer each time. But when she felt Matthew tug the blanket up just over her shoulders, brush the hair away from her face and lean down and kiss her temple, before sitting back up. She half expected him to pause the show and switch it to something else since she knew he wasn’t really all that tired.

Yet the last thing she remembered hearing was Nathan telling Haley he fell in love with her, meaning he had stuck with watching the episode even after he knew she’d stopped paying attention. And she could’ve sworn she heard the all too familiar opening of Gavin Degraw’s “I Don’t Want to Be” right before she really fell asleep, and the feeling of Matthew’s fingers still playing in her hair.

Calming the rapidness of the butterflies in her stomach’s wings…to nothing but a small flutter, leaving her feeling all warm inside.

DAY 69 – MARCH 10TH, 2022 [ ARGUMENTS AND LATE NIGHT APOLOGIES ]

In both aspects, it would be right to say that just like their relationship, things were picking up fast in their day to day lives. For Riley, the end of her final semester of college was only two some months away and she found her days filled with coffee, power naps, study sessions with her classmates or Kelsey, papers and of course, Calgary Flames home games. For Matthew, the end of the season was approaching fast and it was he and everyone of his teammate’s mission to make it into the postseason after missing out the year before. This year felt like maybe they could do it, find the redemption from the 2020 bubble playoffs where they imploded.

Yet despite the chaos going on in their lives, everything in regards to their relationship felt almost too good to be true. Riley found herself staying over at Matthew’s apartment more often than her own, and on the nights when she would leave campus late and was too tired to make the drive to his, he’d drive over to hers and stay with her. They’d cook dinner together or order take-out, talk about their days and listen as the other vented about whatever it was that was on their mind or bothering them, then they’d either watch tv and fall asleep on the couch or go find some sort of solace in a bedroom.

Tonight was going to be the same as the last two weeks as well. Riley would go to class while Matthew went to morning skate, he’d go through his daily routine while she stayed on campus for other classes and hiding away in the library to try her best to knock out her homework and get a little more of her paper down. Then she’d meet up with Claire and Kelsey at Claire’s apartment and then they’d go to Saddledome for the game. It felt like any other night, really– but Matthew was stressing, despite Riley telling him that he didn’t need to.

“We’re playing Tampa, Riles. Everyone expects them to win because they’re back to back cup champs. It’s a big game.” Was what he said anytime over the phone or in text that she told him he just needed to relax and play his game.

Kelsey had left the library an hour earlier than planned so she could go home and have a dinner with Oscar before he left for the arena. While Riley stayed back in the reserved study room, stressing over her paper when she got an email from her professor that was sent to their entire class talking about how they needed to make an office appointment with her to present a second rough draft of their oral presentation.

The most important presentation of her life that she absolutely needed to pass in order to pass her Capstone and achieve her degree.

She probably should have left then. Followed the advice that she’d been giving Matthew for the last few hours and gone to her apartment to relax. Instead, she stayed in the study room and tried to balance her focus between her paper and her presentation. Her focus was by no means balanced evenly between the two, considering she spent a nice fifteen minute break in between crying over the stress before diving back into her notes and trying to wrap up her paper…and then the yawns came, which was maybe another time she should’ve decided to go home and rest before the game.

But she did was she always did whenever she found herself getting tired while studying. She set a short alarm to wake her up in ten minutes, the perfect power nap, and then she’d finish whatever she could before she’d leave for her apartment to get dressed and then meet up with Kelsey and Claire.

Except…that’s not how it happened. Instead of waking up ten minutes later, she woke up almost two hours later to her phone vibrating against the table and her face. She fully woke up the moment the call ended, practically jumping out of her seat when she saw the time and all of the notifications that she had from Matt, Claire and Kelsey. And then she saw the time.

The game had started 30 minutes ago.

She quickly collected all of her stuff and left the study room, rushing through the library while simultaneously ordering her uber to the arena, hoping that she’d get there with time to spare. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long for an uber before she was on her way to the stadium, digging through her purse for the family lanyard and ticket Matt had given her when she came home for lunch. And after begging the arena staff to let her bring her backpack in and she was willing to drop it off with security just as long as they’d let her bring it in– she was allowed to do it, but it took quite the convincing with the security managers.

By the time she reached the seats where she saw Claire, Kelsey and a few of the other WAGs sitting, she was out of breath, felt extremely disheveled and probably looked like she was crazy.

“Where the hell have you been?” Claire asked, her tone holding 

“I fell asleep in the study room, I’m sorry,” Riley replied, moving by Kelsey and sitting down between the two of them. “I just got here–”

“You missed the first two periods, but they’re getting ready to start the third so there’s still some game for you to watch.” Kelsey added, nodding towards the ice.

“How’s he doing?” Riley asked, looking at them both before looking up at the score. “And we’re winning three to one, so that’s great!”

“He’s had a few shots on goal, but other than that he got an assist on Johnny’s second goal,” Claire replied, as the arena lights started to dim. “So good, but I’m sure it’s not what he wants to be doing.”

Riley sat there and paid as best attention to the remainder of the game that she could, hoping that Matthew hadn’t noticed her lack of attendance earlier in the game and that if he did, by some slim chance then maybe he’d notice she was here now. Johnny scored another goal late in the third, getting himself a hat trick and giving the Flames an four to one lead, resulting in a Flames win the moment time ran out of the buzzer signaling the end of the game went off. She stayed with the group of women as they left their seats to make their way down to meet up with the boys. Kelsey stayed with her as she met up with one of the supervisors who had her backpack and grabbed it before finally making her way down beneath the stadium, making it just in time before any of the players made their way out of the locker room.

Jacob and Matthew both didn’t do any post-game media, so it wasn’t that long of a wait for them to come out of the locker room showered and dressed back in their suits. Despite the big win against the back-to-back Stanley Cup Champions, Matthew seemed a little more down than he usually was after a win and Riley couldn’t help but think maybe it was because he somehow knew she was late to the game, even after she promised that she would be there. She tried not to dwell too much on that thought, because she knew it was an accident but also because she didn’t want the situation to turn into something bigger just when things seemed to be going so well.

Oscar got stuck doing media, so Kelsey gave them the go ahead to leave without her since she would be waiting. The four of them walked together, making their way to the parking garage where eventually, they said their goodbyes to each other and got into their separate cars. The drive home was quiet, but Matthew, like every other time they rode in a car together, had his right hand rested on her thigh, which was the only thing keeping Riley from thinking that the car ride was quiet due to him being upset. It’d been a long day and they were both tired.

Once they reached Matthew’s apartment complex, the two of them made their way to his apartment, side by side but not hand in hand, still in silence. But over anything, at least the physical distance between them wasn’t great. Every once in a while, their shoulders would brush against each other– and it was weird that Riley was finding some sort of comfort in that since everything inside of her was telling her that clearly there was some tension that wasn’t due to the silence. Matthew stood in front of his apartment door, unlocking it and then walking in, Riley following in behind him and closing the door.

She was paying attention to what he was doing for the reason that if she was wrong, then she would take the jump and ask him if everything was okay. Because Matthew had a similar routine every time they came back to his apartment after a game. He’d hang his keys up on the wall, then walk past the kitchen and place his jacket onto the kitchen table before taking his shoes off and then walking into his room to change over. Only the moment that he tossed his keys onto the bar counter and continued to walk into his room, she knew obviously something was wrong.

Riley let some space settle between them before she followed behind him into his bedroom, staying by the door as he tossed his jacket into the hamper he often took to get dry cleaned and started undressing before walking into his closet.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, walking further into the room and standing in front of his closet where he had taken off his shoes and was taking off his suit pants.

“Everything’s fine,” he replied, draping his belt onto a hanger and stepping out of his pants, bending down to grab them.

“Are you sure?” Riley asked, crossing her arms and furrowing her eyebrows as he took off his shirt and socks, carrying the clothes and walking out of the closet before dropping them into the respective hampers– dry cleaning and normal laundry.

“Yep,” he said, walking back by her again and going back into his closet, tugging on one of the dresser drawers. “Why?”

“You just seem off…I guess,” she replied, leaning against the closet opening.

“Nope, I’m fine,” he replied, shutting the dresser drawer and changing out of his briefs, putting on a new pair before looking at the clothes in front of him. “Everything is perfectly fine.”

It was one thing for her own brain to try and nag her about being late to his game and make her feel bad, but it was a whole nother thing for it to be Matthew to do the same. Clearly he was upset about something and was being sarcastic now that she was asking for it. And instead of arguing about it, Riley just wanted to say her piece and move on.

“If you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong then that’s fine, but you don’t have to be so sarcastic with your answers.” She replied, turning away from his closet and walking out of his room and over to the kitchen table, placing her backpack down onto it and starting to unpack so she could get some more work done.

She plugged her laptop charger into the wall and sat down in her chair, just as she heard Matthew come walking out of his room, zipping up his pair of jeans, stopping by the kitchen table and looking at her and laughing dryly. “Of course you’re doing more homework.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, turning in her chair. Matthew rolled his eyes, but not before he shook his head as if to brush her off. “No, don’t just shake your head and ignore me. What’s that supposed to mean Matthew, hm?”

“It means exactly what it sounds like it means, Riley,” he said, motioning towards her. “These last two weeks you’ve either had your face buried in your computer, in a textbook or in a pillow passed out because you’re too tired to do anything.”

Riley felt taken aback as she sat there on the kitchen table chair, crossing her arms. “What am I supposed to do, Matthew? Ignore my responsibilities and write halfass papers and homework that I have to do in order to get my degree?”

“No, but you can take a break every once in a while,” he replied, walking back into his room and leaving the conversation. “All you care about is writing papers or studying for tests or getting a perfect grade on your homework assignments.”

“I’m sorry for caring about my grades, but I spent a lot of money to get both of my degrees so I’m not going to do a halfass job on my assignments.” Riley stood up out of her chair and walked after him, seeing him grabbing a fresh pair of socks from the dresser his tv was standing on. “Not all of us have rich parents who could easily pay for our tuition. Some of us have to work for what we want.”

Matthew shook his head again and scoffed. “You’re not getting it, Riley.”

“What am I not getting then? Please, actually give me an answer instead of some sarcastic smart ass response and tell me what you’re problem is?”

“My problem is you knew how stressed I was about this game and how much it would mean to me for you to be there and you didn’t show up until the third period.”

“I–” Riley stared at him, blinking. “How did–”

“Claire texted Jacob when you called her and said you were on your way. Said that you fell asleep in the library.” He shook his head as he brushed by her and back out of the bedroom. “You work yourself down to the bone, Riley and I get it, you want to graduate top of your class and stuff, but tonight was important and I really wanted you there.”

“It was an accident, Matthew…” she spoke, following behind him and crossing her arms, hugging them tight against her. “I was only supposed to take a quick nap–”

“You could’ve left when Kelsey did. I know you guys were studying together because Oscar said that she had left and came home so they could have dinner together.” He cut her off, putting on a pair of sneakers, tying his shoes before standing back up and looking at her. “She made it to the game on time because she probably knew it was important to him.”

Part of her couldn’t believe that they were arguing about something so small. The other part understood that he was upset on her missing most of his game…but it was an accident. He should be understanding of that, because she could’ve just gone straight home and told him she couldn't’ make it to his game. But she still tried to go and she begged with the stadium security to let her bring her bag in so she didn’t have to go back home to drop it off and come back, only to miss even more of the game.

She still tried.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, Matthew. It was an accident,” she replied, standing there with her arms crossed. “And I still showed up. I could’ve gone straight home but I showed up because I knew you wanted me to be there and it was an accident. I didn’t purposely miss your game.”

“No, but you didn’t come and eat dinner with me either. You could have, but you didn’t,” he said, looking at her. “Do you realize how much time we’ve actually spent together in the last two weeks? Time where you weren’t on your computer or asleep at the table because you fell asleep working on homework? Maybe a day or two and that’s pushing it.”

It felt like they were going in circles, whatever it was that they were arguing about. She spoke, he spoke, she spoke again– round and round and no solution in sight. It was frustrating beyond belief, but she’d never been in this sort of situation before– fighting with someone she was dating, because she’d never had a relationship before…he was her first real one– so how the hell was it supposed to be handled? Did she let him complain and that was it? Just apologize and assume it was fine? Argue back and let her know that she didn’t do it intentionally? Every option that went through her mind, didn’t have a clear solution.

Which is why she ended up just arguing back with him, which probably wasn’t the best idea.

“I’m sorry for wanting to focus on the education I’m paying for, Matthew. I get that your hockey game was important for you, but you’ve got like twenty freaking more to make up for the one I missed. You’ve got more games and another season after this, I have this semester and then I get my degree. Of course it’s going to take my attention away, because it means a lot to me–”

“Oh, it means a lot to you?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “So what am I? Chopped liver?”

This time Riley was the one to laugh in disbelief, shaking her head as she brought her hands to her temples. “I can’t even deal with you right now. Do you even hear yourself? What do you want me to do, huh? Apologize? Because I am, I’m sorry I missed two periods of your game because I overslept in my nap after stressing about my paper and my capstone oral presentation to get a degree that means everything to me and my future. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see you get your assist on Johnny’s goal or God forbid, shove someone into a board. But I had a bigger priority and at least I still tried to go, I even had to beg the damn security supervisors to hold my bag so they would let me in and I wouldn’t miss your entire game.” She exhaled heavily, looking back at the blue eyed blonde. “So no, you’re not chopped liver, but right now you’re being a jerk and I don’t know if I want to be around if you’re going to keep acting like one.”

He stood there in his spot looking at her for a few seconds more before walking back into his room and coming back out a few seconds later, now with a jacket on over his t-shirt. He walked over to the bar counter and grabbed his keys, his back still to her.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going out to celebrate with some of the guys,” he said, keeping his back to her. “I wouldn’t want to bother you anymore while you do your work or make you hang around while I’m being a jerk.”

“That’s not–” she huffed, following after him as he headed towards the door. “That’s not what I–” Riley could barely get the words out before he was out the door, shutting it and locking it behind him and leaving her alone in his apartment. “Meant.”

Riley stared at his apartment door, hoping that he would come right back through it because he forgot something, because maybe then that could be another chance for them to settle their misunderstanding and not be angry at each other. But she couldn’t hear lingering footsteps on the other side of the door, nor was there any sign that someone was attempting to even unlock and open the door. She walked back over to the kitchen table, picking her phone up and unlocking it, calling Claire and bringing the phone to her ear.

“Hey Ri, what’s up?” She asked, music in the background.

“What are you doing tonight?” Riley asked, leaning against the wall, keeping her arms close to her.

“I’m going out with Jacob and the guys, we’re downtown at the bar!” She replied, slightly yelling into the phone a little bit. “Are you and Matt coming out?”

“No, well I mean, yeah,” Riley sighed, rubbing her forehead as she looked at her computer sitting there waiting for her to start working again. “He is, he just left. I…I’m tired so I’m just gonna crash here at his place.”

A few seconds passed and for a moment, Riley thought that maybe Claire hadn’t heard her. “You okay?” Big mistake number two tonight. Claire knew her well enough to be able to see through her lies even on a phone call.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Riley nodded, turning off the kitchen light and walking into Matthew’s bedroom. “Be safe tonight, have fun and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. Love you.”

“Love you too,” she replied, hanging up the call and then shutting the bedroom door behind her.

Today had been long and with that fight– their first ever– with Matthew, Riley found herself way too tired to sit down at the kitchen table and try to write her paper or go over her Capstone presentation. She grabbed some of the clothes that she had here before choosing one of his shirts from his year in the OHL with the London Knights as a top and made her way into the bathroom to take a shower. It was the best time to just let the stress and exhaustion wash away with the hot water and the soap. She contemplated sending Matt an ‘I’m sorry’ text, despite the fact that she had already apologized. She also contemplated calling Claire back and telling her that she had lied to her when she said she was fine, wanting to get her big sister's advice on how to deal with the situation since Claire was an expert in all things relationship.

But she did neither. Instead, after she got out of the shower, she brushed her hair and her teeth, got dressed and climbed into Matthew’s bed, turning his tv on and finding the Lifetime app she’d downloaded, clicking on Dance Moms and watching the old episodes until she found herself falling asleep.

Riley didn’t know how much time had passed or how long she’d been asleep, but she knew for a fact that she had been asleep because the cool chill from the room sweeping underneath the raised comforter and the movement of someone settling into the bed beside her had definitely woken her up. She grabbed onto the top of the comforter, tugging it back up above her shoulders as she rolled onto her left side and groaned at the disturbance.

“Riles,” Matthew whispered, placing a hand on her waist and rubbing the area softly. “Riles, are you awake?”

“No,” she mumbled, snuggling herself down into the mattress. “I’m sleeping.”

She heard him sigh as she felt him shift closer to her, the pillow she had her head resting on dipping down and then his hand moving up onto her right arm. “Can you wake up please? I want to talk…we need to talk.”

The thump of her heart against her chest when she heard those words was enough to wake her up enough for her heavy eyelids to start blinking. She reached out for her phone on the nightstand and tapped the screen to see the time. “Matthew, it’s 1:58 in the morning…this can’t wait for a few hours?”

“Actually no, it can’t,” he replied, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “Please, Riles?”

Riley took a deep breath and exhaled, preparing herself for whatever this ‘we need to talk’ conversation was going to be and rolled over onto her otherside, coming face to face with Matthew. “You’re home early.”

“Yeah, well I wasn’t really having the best time,” he replied, keeping himself propped up onto his left elbow as he placed his hand back on her waist, keeping it there. “The guys kept ordering shots but I don’t know…I just didn’t feel like drinking.”

“You didn’t drink at all?” She asked, shocked.

Matthew sucked in his bottom lip as he shook his head. “Nope, I just kept having the bartender give me cups of water. I wasn’t in the mood to get drunk and celebrate, you know?”

Riley pouted, resting both of her hands beneath her pillow. “What? Are you going to say I ruined your celebration too?”

He chuckled softly, nodding his head. “I deserve that, I was a dick to you earlier and you didn’t deserve it. I know you still tried to make it to my game and I understand the pressure you’re under right now and it wasn’t fair of me to come for you like that about school.”

Still tired, Riley kept blinking and trying to comprehend what Matthew was saying. “Where’s this all coming from?”

Matthew looked at her, a nervous look on his face as he licked his lips and exhaled, closing his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and looking at her. “I love you.” He must have seen the shocked look on her face even in the dim lighting from his tv screen because she could see his adam’s apple bob up and down with a nervous swallow. “I talked to Claire…well, more like she yelled at me–”

“I’m confused,” Riley said, starting to sit herself up.

“No, no, keep laying down,” he said, nudging her back down onto her side. “Claire asked me if you were really tired and I told her everything that happened and…well for one she chewed me a new one.”

“She tends to do that when she’s mad,” Riley nodded, keeping her focus on him.

“But she was right to do it, Riles, because she made me realize how what I said was unfair. I would have realized that by tomorrow or something…but she made me realize it sooner and then we got to talking about how this has been your dream since you were in middle school and you’ve been working your ass off ever since. And then she started doing that whole like therapist thing she does where she asks how you really feel–”

Riley laughed, tilting her head to the side. “She does that too. Pisses Brendan off more than anything.”

Matthew laughed softly. “Yeah, but uh…it works because she’s really good at it and she helped me realize that it wasn’t you being caught up in school or missing the first two periods of my game tonight that upset me, you know? It was me being so worked up about my performance and the game and then just…”

“Matt?” She asked, reaching out and resting her hand on his left bicep, squeezing it lightly and gaining his attention. “Breathe.”

He nodded, and took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m not mad about you almost missing my game, Riles. I’m a little upset you’re pushing yourself so hard on this school thing, but I understand that now, you know? But besides that, I’ve just…kind of been beating myself up inside about how I feel about you because…well…” He gulped again, looking at her. “I love you, Riles. I really do and it freaks me out because it’s only been a month and I didn’t want to scare you away or anything but I do. I love you and I’m tired of beating myself up about it and I told Claire that and she told me I needed to stop being an idiot and to come home and tell you, not her…so here I am. Stone cold sober and you don’t have to say it back, I’m not saying it to pressure you or anything but…well…yeah.”

Riley didn’t know how to reply. She’d only met Matthew officially for the first time in January. Sure, they’d been at events together, but that moment in the bar was the first time the two ever exchanged words. Then weeks after that night, they were on a set up blind date. Not too long after that, they were dating and now here he was, lying next to her in his bed and telling her that he loved her. Never in her life had she had someone who wasn’t a friend or family, tell her that they loved her. Sure, she’d had guys tell her that they liked her, but they never got to this point– this was uncharted territory.

Was familial love and relationship love the same? She knew she loved her parents and her siblings and her best friends, she recognized that feeling of love. But would it be any different for Matthew? She knew that she cared so much about him, just the same as she did her family and friends. But obviously, there was a difference and there were different ways that she cared for him than she did them. It was almost instinct for her to come over to his apartment instead of her own at the end of her day. She knew how he took his coffee and how he ate the same thing before every game. She knew where he liked to go on his days off if he wasn’t staying in bed. Whenever she felt anxious, just his touch alone could bring her at ease. Even just looking at him made her day so much bright. So does she love Matthew? Is that what all of these things that seemed to happen so fast in the last few months meant? Is that why she was absolutely terrified the first time that those three words slipped between his lips?

Yet when she looked at Matthew, that terrified feeling faded into the back, only leaving her thumping heartbeat in her chest in its wake and the temptation of saying those three words stuck on her lips. Her lips that were slowly turning up into a smile as she felt her cheeks heat up and her hand moved from his bicep up to his cheek, brushing her thumb against his beard.

“I love you too.”

DAY 108 – APRIL 18TH, 2022 [ SPONTANEOUS VACATION ]

“I can’t believe that you’ve been here for two years and you’ve never been to Banff,” Matthew laughed, shaking his head as they moved up in the line, each with a coffee from the starbucks in hand.

“I’ve always been busy,” Riley shrugged, taking a small sip of the hot coffee. “Besides, Claire was adjusting to her job and didn’t have a lot of vacation time between settling in on the weekends. Then she met Jacob and I was not third wheeling with those two.”

“Still,” he said, shaking his head. “Banff was one of the first things I did when I moved here. My mom and I came here and it’s one of my favorite places to go.”

“Oh?” Riley asked, raising her eyebrow. “Is this where you take all of your dates too?”

Matthew rolled his eyes as he bumped into her. “No, I don’t take all of my dates here, you dork. But, it’s so peaceful, you know? Just all of the nature…when you live in the city, especially back home in St. Louis, you just kind of forget about how beautiful it can be.”

“Touching,” she sighed, resting her hand over her heart. “That was so beautiful, I’m going to quote you on that for my instagram caption.”

He threw an arm over her shoulder and pulled her into his side, keeping her trapped. “You’re such a brat sometimes, you’re lucky I love you.”

“Mhhm,” she agreed, looking up at him as she stood on her tippy toes and kissed his lips softly. “So lucky.”

In an extremely rare occurrence, the Flames had the day off. A previously scheduled game was now going to be rescheduled due to an amount of covid cases on their opponents team, leaving them with no enough players to play. Meaning that Matthew and the Flames didn’t have to travel until tomorrow morning, when they’d fly to Nashville. Matthew came home from what was supposed to be him leaving for Chicago and woke her up, telling her they’d just had a quick practice and that he was free for the rest of the day and that she should get dressed because he wanted to take her somewhere fun.

Somewhere fun turned into grabbing breakfast from Tim Hortons and then Matthew driving the hour and a half from Calgary to Banff, the two of them listening to music and picking the other’s karaoke song, every so often doing a duet. It was a nice break from homework and stress, her one day off of classes where she was planning on sleeping the entire day away– she was actually being swept off to some of the prettiest mountains in Alberta, their first trip together as a couple.

Having been here plenty of times before, Riley let Matthew take the reins on what they would do. They grabbed another coffee at the Starbucks inside the building that was at  the base of the mountain before getting onto the Gondola. She was mesmerized by the sights of the snow covered ground and trees as they rode up the mountain. Never before had she seen such an amazing, jaw dropping sight and begrudgingly, she told Matthew that he was right. It was a beautiful view and one that she had been so easily to forget had existed because of how she spent a majority of her time in the city in a classroom and with her face in a computer.

They walked hand in hand down the boardwalk, stopping every so often to take pictures or to just take in the sights. Matthew had gotten stopped every so often by other people who were enjoying the view, talking to him about the season and the team and asking for a picture. Riley wasn’t bothered by it one bit and she offered to take the picture for them if they wanted. It was nice seeing Matthew in his element. He was such a people person and so outgoing and talkative, but she also knew very well that shy and quiet side of him when it was just the two of them in the apartment and lounging on the couch watching netflix. 

By the time they made it to Sanson’s peak, Riley could feel her face start to go numb from the cold and she was fully curled up into Matthew’s side as they looked out at the view. Snow was actively falling and yet she couldn’t take her focus off of the stretch of peaceful and beautiful nature in front of them. It was magical, like she was standing in the middle of one of those Hallmark Christmas movies her mom recorded for all of them to watch when they were together on Christmas break.

“It’s beautiful, Matthew,” she said, looking up at him as her head was resting against his chest. “Thank you for bringing us here.”

“Of course,” he said, kissing the top of her Flames beanie of his that she’d taken to wear. “Beautiful views for a beautiful girl.”

Riley laughed, shaking her head as she nudged him. “You’re so cheesy.”

“Jacob said the same thing when he saw that picture of us from the Super Bowl party taped up in my locker,” he smiled, shrugging. “And then I called him out for the same thing because I know he’s got a picture of him and Claire in there somewhere.”

“You have a picture of us in your locker?” She asked, blinking slowly. “Really?”

Matthew nodded. “I’ve got pictures of my parents and my grandparents and siblings too…all of the people that I love and who mean the world to me.”

“You’re such a cheeseball,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her face against his chest, reveling in the feeling of his arm around her as she looked out at the winter scene.

She always teased her mom and Claire for loving those Hallmark Christmas movies so much. There was something so ridiculous about the same storyline in different movies. Boy meets girl, girl ignores boy, some weird coincidence brings them together and they find that they’ve got a lot more in common than they thought and then the feelings start and everything seems so full of happiness and love. Then, the big climax of the movie, something goes wrong, but in the end it all works out. Every movie was so different, but also so similar. It was magical, romantic and now that she had Matthew…part of her understood why they loved those movies so much or why Claire seemed to always put herself all into her relationships.

Because here, right now with Matthew holding onto her as she stared out at the mountains and the trees with the snow falling around them, Riley had never felt more at peace than she did in this very moment.

DAY 150 – MAY 30TH, 2022 [ A MOST IMPORTANT DAY ]

She’d been here before– sitting in a stuffy auditorium surrounded by hundreds of students, wearing a not so comfortable robe and shifting every so often in her chair to make sure that her butt didn’t fall asleep while she listened to the speakers talk. She had her bachelor’s degree, so she knew how a graduation ceremony would go and how long it could take, but right now everything felt so different.

Her gown wasn’t so different than the one she wore when she got her bachelor’s degree, aside from the velvet that lined the master hood. Her cap was the exact same, though this time instead of it being decorated with a nod towards her next journey to the University of Calgary like her cap had been when she received her master’s, this one was decorated with light blue scrapbook paper that covered the black of the cap, sticky flowers on the two side corners and in the middle, in white painted letters (thanks to Claire), was a quote from One Tree Hill, many she had scoured over what to pick, but one that Matthew was found.

“So for now I say goodbye to this chapter of my life and I look forward to what comes next.”

A cap that was decorated with Kelsey and Claire sitting at the kitchen table in Matthew’s apartment, Jacob, Oscar and Matthew sitting in the living room and drinking beer, relaxing and sulking slightly at the way their season had ended only four days earlier. And like she had been feeling the weeks leading up to graduation, Riley sat there feeling a sort of mourning for the community she’d be leaving behind once she went back home to St. Louis once she graduated– scared of leaving behind her friends and the unknown of her future.

It was a feeling she’d tried to hide that she was experiencing it, but one that Matthew had called her out on many times and she’d expressed to him her doubts and fears and overall worries…which is why he suggested that quote, and how easily it fit in along with all of the times he’d talked her off the edge of fear.

And while that feeling had been hanging over her the moment she woke up that morning in her own apartment, having had a sleepover with Kelsey so the two could get ready together before heading off to campus to prepare for the ceremony, once she heard them announce her name, hometown and degree and crossed the stage, the cheers of her friends and family and classmates echoing in her ears….she felt hopeful. All she could think about was meeting up with her family afterwards, seeing the smiles on their faces. She looked forward to playfully teasing her parents about wanting to take so many pictures. Sure, she’d experienced this all too familiar feeling before…only this time, there was a big difference.

She’d be greeting Matthew as well.

When the ceremony came to an end and the cheers and applause of her peers, their friends and families and faculty alike bounced off of the auditorium walls, Riley was one of the first students to make a beeline for where they were instructed to pick up their actual paper diplomas from tables set off to the side. She was fourth in line at her respective last name table, assuming the other three students were sat right on the aisle of their rows and her phone was going off, presumably her family group chat texting her on where they would meet her once she made her way outside.

With diploma in hand (well, in the leather diploma folder), Riley maneuvered her way through the crowds of students and guests who were still filed into the auditorium, eager to get outside to meet up with everyone. Her eyes were squinting the moment she stepped outside into the summer day, the cap that was still on her head providing no shade for her eyes, leaving her to shield them from the hot sun using her free hand as she tried to see if she could spot anyone familiar.

“Riles!” She heard Matthew call out, yet she didn’t see him as she looked around. “Riles, over here!” His voice was a little louder now, allowing her to figure out what direction it was at least coming from. She looked to her right to see Matthew waving his left hand in the air and walking over to her with a smile on his face. Immediately she noticed that he was wearing her favorite shirt of his– the lavender dress shirt– coupled with gray slacks and the YSL belt she jokingly teased him for wearing all of the time. 

Riley walked in his direction, quickening her pace the closer she got before she reached him and jumped in his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and pressing her face into the side of his neck as he wrapped his left arm around her, supporting her. “Did they ditch you? I thought you were supposed to sit with Claire, Jacob and my parents?”

Matthew placed her back down onto the ground, keeping his left hand at the small of her back as he leaned down and kissed her before standing back up. “Well, when Oscar and I finally got a parking spot, Claire said some lady threw a huge fit about them saving two seats, so we ended up sitting on a whole different side of the auditorium with Kelsey’s family.”

“I’m surprised Claire didn’t throw her down the steps.”

“She sounded like she was a few seconds away from doing that when we were on the phone, but I told her it was fine and that I’d meet up with them,” he held out the bouquet of white daisies and deep pink, along with red roses and smiled. “These are for you. I know you don’t really like roses, but my mom lectured me about how I couldn’t not get my girlfriend roses on such a big day.”

“They’re beautiful, Matt,” Riley took a small whiff of the fresh flowers and looked back at him with a smile. “Thank you, and I’ll be sure to tell your mom thank you as well.”

“Please, because I’m 90 percent sure my dad stopped her from lecturing me about how roses aren’t just roses and all of the colors have different meanings…it was a lot,” he took a deep breath as he rested his hands on his hips and sighed, shaking his head. “But enough about that, let’s go find everyone!”

Riley held his hand as the two of them made their way over to the meeting spot that her family had agreed on beforehand– about halfway between the parking lot and the auditorium– and she couldn’t stop thinking about how this was going to be the moment where Matthew would meet her parents for the first time. A bad case of food poisoning mixed in with traveling had kept them from meeting Matthew when they flew in the day before what would be the last game of the Flames season. Then with end of season stuff, exit media and the chaos of upcoming graduation– there was just never a free time for them to meet.

Until now, and now, she was absolutely petrified of them meeting. She wasn’t all that sure why, because she’d seen her parents meet Jacob and both of Claire’s high school boyfriends, not to mention Brendan’s girlfriend. She knew her mom would be just as welcoming and heartfelt as Chantal was when Riley had met her and she knew that her dad would immediately play the tough guy, only to melt seconds later. She knew it, she’s seen it– and yet she was more nervous about Matthew meeting her parents than she had been about potentially tripping on stage when she walked across it.

She snuck a look at Matthew from the corner of her eye who was talking about how he and Oscar had spent all morning making sure the catering was confirmed to be delivered to Kelsey’s parents house since they were hosting the party and how he had no idea how his mom ever planned an entire party or why she enjoyed planning them so much because he was stressed only because of food that he wasn’t even in charge of cooking. She felt her nerves waver away as she zoned in on how he was swinging their conjoined hands at a comfortable pace and had his other hand snug in his pant pocket, walking with total confidence and grace that just seemed to be so infectious that it was somehow washing over her.

“Riley Anne Thompson you little genius!” Claire yelled, easily gaining their attention. She was standing straight ahead of them just a few feet away and waving her hands in the air. “Get your butts over here!”

Matthew chuckled and Riley looked up at him with a pout. “Stop it right now.”

“I just think it’s funny, you know? Your initials spell rat and everyone thinks I am one,” he squeezed her hand supportively. “Almost makes it seem like it was meant to be, hm?”

Once they got close enough, Matthew let go of Riley’s hand and nodded at her to hand him her diploma and flowers so she could hug her family. She wasted no time greeting each of her parents with a hug before moving onto her brother and then both Claire and Jacob. When the congratulations and the hugs were done, she turned around with a nervous smile and walked the small distance where Matthew had been standing and stood beside him with a proud smile.

“Mom, Dad, this is Matthew, my boyfriend” she smiled, looking away from Matthew and over to her parents. “Matthew, my mom and dad.”

“Otherwise known as Elizabeth and Michael,” her mom smiled, breaking the distance and greeting Matthew with a hug. “And we’ve heard a ton about you from Claire and Riley both. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, ma’am,” Matthew replied, hugging her before turning his attention to Riley’s dad as her mom pulled away from the hug, extending his hand out towards her dad. “And you too as well, sir.”

Riley swallowed the knot in her throat as she looked at her Dad, who, as predicted, was pulling his tough guy act with the squinty eyes and stone faced demeanor. She told Matthew not to be so polite and nervous, because she knew her Dad would see it coming from a mile away– and there they were…the slight awkward tension. She watched as her dad looked at Matthew’s hand and then back up at him before cracking a smile and reaching out to shake his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Matthew,” her dad said, adding another pure father moment by patting Matthew’s shoulder as well. “I’m glad to see that someone was finally able to break down those walls of Riley’s. I was starting to think that thing was going to surpass the great wall of China–”

“Michael!”

“Well, you survived the meeting,” Claire whispered, resting her chin on Riley’s shoulder and trying not to stifle a laugh. “Now all you’ve got to do is survive the party.”

“It’ll be fine,” Riley replied, shrugging as she looked back at Matthew who was now making small talk with their dad and brother. “I think they love him already.”

And things were fine, totally and beyond fine. Once they caught up with Kelsey, Oscar and her family, both groups made their way back to Kelsey’s parents home only a short distance away and from the moment they pulled up to the house and as the time ticked on, the party was in full swing. Riley got a front row seat to seeing her dad and Matthew talk about who knew what, but anytime she snuck a glimpse she felt her heart swell and she couldn’t help but smile and wonder if this feeling was what he meant by when he told her how much he loved seeing her get along with his mom and sister the first time they met and she sat with them at one of his games.

She sat back in enjoyment as she watched Matthew entertain some of Kelsey’s nieces and nephews with various yard games– limbo being the one where he dramatically fell to the ground to make all of the kids giggle because “you’re so bad at this! Look, it’s not that hard!” Or when he and Oscar gave a joint “proud boyfriend” speech after the proud parents had. How he and Jacob both accepted Bredan’s challenge of eating their wings the fastest, then proceeding to win and down her water when the heat got too much. Then getting her a refill, of course.

The drinks were flowing and as the sun started to set and everyone continued to have a good time, Riley was talking to Kelsey about their next steps. Kelsey had managed to get a job with a junior hockey team as a physical trainer in Calgary, following that she passed her certification and that she was also considering getting her PhD as well, though she wasn’t all too certain about that yet. She was excited for her friend to hear about all of the set plans that she had now that they had graduated, but Riley would be lying if she said she didn’t feel totally unprepared. Sure, she looked into jobs and applied. Some were here in Calgary, others were back home in St. Louis, but she’d yet to hear back from any of them. But she wouldn’t let that get in the way of how proud and happy she was for Kelsey. Especially since earlier before graduation when she saw her mentor, they had a conversation and her mentor said she would help look around for jobs she might be interested in.

Riley took a small sip from her beer bottle and was about to reply to Kelsey’s question about if she and Matthew had any summer plans when she saw the man of the hour himself come walking over from the back porch, smiling at her and making a ‘come here’ motion with his right hand as he held his beer in his left.

“It seems that I’ve been summoned by the needy boyfriend, so I’ll be right back,” she smiled, putting her beer down into the cup holder of her lawn chair and standing up, meeting him halfway as they stood by the bonfire. “Yes?”

Matthew held out his hand and nodded at it. “Grab my hand,” he brought his bottle up to his lips as he took another sip, watching and waiting for her to grab his hand.

“Why? What’s the trick?” She asked, hesitantly reaching her hand out.

He huffed, letting his smile fall as he looked at her. “Just grab it.” Riley placed her hand on his, eyeing him suspiciously as he just smiled and held her hand before pulling her closer and wrapping his left arm around her waist, looking down at her. “Gotcha, now you’ve gotta dance with me.”

“Matthew,” Riley whined, leaning her head back as she pouted. “You know I don’t like slow dancing.”

“Yeah, but I also know that you like slow dancing when it’s with me,” he smiled, nodding at her. “Now would it kill you to act like you love me and put your other hand on me?”

Riley smiled, shrugging. “It might.”

“You’re a brat.”

“Where do you think I learned it from?” Riley replied, rolling her eyes as she rested her right hand on his arm.

“Claire,” he replied, the two of them laughing soon after before letting it fade out as they both just swayed back and forth. “Oh look, I started a trend!”

Riley looked around them and saw that Oscar had grabbed Kelsey to dance, the same with Jacob and Claire and the parents. She shook her head, looking back at him. “Maybe everyone just got tired of standing around.”

“Orrrrr,” he smiled, stepping back and twirling her unsuspectingly. “They think we’re a cute couple and it’s super romantic and they too want to be cute and romantic.”

Riley just laughed as he brought her back into him, fanning his hand out against her back. “Okay, whatever you say.”

The two of them swayed there, Riley feeling herself start to relax against Matthew’s chest and starting to focus on the sound of his heartbeat echoing inside of his chest. “So are you going to tell me what had you so upset?” Matthew spoke quietly just so they could hear.

“Hm?” She asked, keeping her eyes closed as she zoned back in. “I wasn’t upset.”

“You looked upset while talking to Kelsey. That’s why I came off of the porch and swept you off your feet with my incredible dance moves.” He leaned himself back to look at her and tilted his head to the side slightly. “So?”

Riley opened her eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled, shrugging her shoulders. “We were talking about what we were going to do now that we were done with school and she was telling me about all the stuff she’s got set in stone and planned and I don’t know…I just felt,” she paused, shaking her head. “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

“No it’s not,” he replied, looking at her. “Your feelings aren’t dumb, Riles.”

“It’ll just make me sound like I’m jealous that she’s got all these plans set in stone, and maybe part of me is because I’ve applied to five jobs and haven’t heard a single whisper of news. But I’m not jealous, not really…I’m proud of her and happy for her because she’s my friend.”

“But you wish you had some sort of plan set in stone?”

“Exactly,” she mumbled, pouting slightly as she looked over to where Kelsey and Oscar were at. “But more than anything I’m happy for her, you know?”

“You’ll hear back soon, Riles. I just know it,” Matthew said, pulling her closer to him again. “And they’ll be lucky to have you.”

Riley rolled her eyes again in a playful manner as she tried to fight back her smile. “You have to say that, you’re–”

Matthew leaned in quickly, pressing his mouth against hers and cutting her words off with a kiss, pulling back just barely before kissing her two more times, smiling more into each one before he pulled back completely, a smile on his face as he rested his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes. “Anyone would be lucky to have you work for them, Riles. And I���m not just saying that because I’m your boyfriend. I mean it. You’re a catch, got it?”

Riley smiled, nodding her head. “Go it.”

“Good,” he replied, kissing her forehead before Riley moved her head down to his chest again and he held her close once more. “It’ll all work out, Riles. Everything you want in your life…it’ll all work out. I just know it.”

She smiled as she snuggled her head further against him, taking in the smell of his cologne and closing her eyes. She could picture it so easily– her working in her dream field, coming home from a day at work to their shared apartment, more vacations in Banff, matching playoff jackets with her sister and Kelsey…a life with Matthew at home in St. Louis and in their seasonal home in Calgary. She had been filled with so much self doubt just minutes earlier, but with Matthew’s assurance, she believed it could come true.

DAY 184 – JULY 4TH [ CURRENT DAY ]

“Ri?” Claire said, her voice sounding distant. “Riley!”

“Huh, what?” Riley asked, zoning back out of her thoughts as she looked at her sister who had finally stopped shaking her shoulder.

“I said we’re here.”

Riley looked out of her back passenger window to see the all too familiar apartment building. The knot that was in her stomach was now extending up to her throat as she stared at the building that Jacob was pulled up in front of, unable to get her brain to tell her hand to reach for her door handle to open the door and let herself out.

“You don’t have to do this right now, Ri,” Claire spoke softly, resting a hand on top of hers and giving it a light squeeze. “Jacob can always do it.”

“Yeah Riley,” Jacob spoke from the driver's seat, nodding his head as he turned slightly to look at her. “I can just drop it off for you when we go back to the apartment after dinner. I’ll drop you guys off and then come back here.”

The offer was enticing and for a moment, Riley considered taking it. But only for a moment, because it wasn’t just dropping it off that she needed to do, there was something else she needed to go if she was going to survive the rest of her summer and the months that followed.

She cleared her throat, shaking her head and exhaled. “No, that’s okay I–” she turned away from the window and looked at Claire, Jacob and Brendan. “I can do it.”

Brendan looked at Claire before looking back at Riley. “Are you—“

“Yes, Brendann…I’m sure.” She pulled on her door handle and opened the door, making sure she had her purse before she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car and stepping out into the sidewalk. “I’ll be right back and please…just stay here?”

They nodded and she shut the door behind her, turning back around and staring up at the apartment building she’d been to so many times. It was hard to believe that this would be the last time that she walked through those double doors and greet the receptionist behind the counter with a smile. If she remembered correctly, Shannon would be working today. She’d come to know all of the people who worked behind the desks' names, even from the few months she’d been around. They almost became like good friends to her, so it was weird that this would also possibly be the last time she ever saw any of them again.

Nervously, she pulled on the door handle and walked into the lobby of the apartment building, seeing that no one was standing behind the desk which she was extremely grateful for since that meant no awkward conversation was needed. She quickly walked across the lobby and towards the elevators, pressing the up arrow and sighing in relief when the doors opened immediately. She walked into the elevator, shutting the door behind her and holding the key fob against the scanner that allowed the elevator to move up to the residential floors before pressing number ten. The elevator moved slowly and she crossed her arms, hugging them to her chest as she leaned against the corner thinking about the last time she’d been in this building.

Two days ago in fact, and part of her didn’t want to come back here so soon but she knew that she was leaving Calgary tomorrow morning and while she could do what she was doing simply by mail…she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It seemed so impersonal, which things had never been.

Matthew’s family had come up to Calgary to take in some of the summer sights since the season was over. Riley loved his family and how down to earth they all were. She especially loved seeing the natural chirping and playful teasing between Matthew, his brother and their dad. His brother, Brady, had brought along his girlfriend and it was a short vacation in Calgary before everyone was headed off to Greece for their annual family vacation. A vacation that Riley would be joining, and one she was hesitant to when Matthew had originally invited her along because it was a family vacation and they’d only started dating. But he had said that he was going to ask her anyway after checking with his parents, but his parents beat him to the punch when his mom had asked publicly in the family group chat if he was going to bring her along.

Riley did insist on paying for her part in the trip, but both of his parents refused to accept her part, and she bargained to at least pay for her plane ticket— which she did. They were all out to dinner when Riley had stepped out because she’d gotten a missed call from her mentor. So she excused herself from the table and went outside of the restaurant to listen to the voicemail her mentor had left behind and when she was done listening to it— she stood there in disbelief.

The job her mentor had her apply for, one that Riley thought there was no chance in the world that she could get…well, she got it. Her mentor had called her to tell her that their contact with the hospital said that she had been chosen as one of the two other applicants to be hired to fill the pediatric occupational therapist positions they had available and thought she would pass the word on before they had sent her the official email, which she would get the next morning.

It was hard to explain how excited she was about the news. It’d been a little over a month since she’d graduated College and had yet to hear back from any of the jobs she applied to and yet there she was— getting her first piece of good news from the job she never thought she’d get hired on for. And then the nerves set in— Boston. She’d obviously have to move away from St. Louis and away from Calgary. And as she made her way back to dinner, she determined that she was too nervous to share the good news with everyone at the table. Because while announcing that she got a job was good news, announcing that she would be moving states away from her boyfriend didn’t seem like it would go over as well.

So…she saved the conversation for that night as her and Matthew were getting ready to go to bed. She had settled for the night before he did, he was still walking around his room and getting stuff ready for both his move back down to St. Louis for the summer, but also making sure he had whatever stuff he’d be packing for the trip to Greece later on. By the time he got into bed, he closed his eyes and just laid there, exhaling before opening his eyes and looking at her.

“What?” He asked, head and upper back leaning against his headboard.

“Hm?” She replied, zoning back in on him. “I didn’t say anything.”

“No, but you’re staring at me.” He laughed, resting his hands on his stomach and interlocking his fingers. “I know I’m hot, but try not to get your drool all over my pillow, hm?”

Riley rolled her eyes and laughed. “I’ll try not to.”

He smiled softly, lolling his head to the side and looking at her. “But really Riles, what’s up? You’ve seemed…off all night, since we got to and left dinner, actually.”

She rested her own hands on top of the comforter, twiddling with her thumbs as she thought about what she was going to say. Her immediate thought was to just tell him that she was tired, because tonight had been so, so good and fun and relaxing, she didn’t want her announcement to make it all crash down. But she knew that wouldn’t be fair to him for her to tell him any other time than now, because after all…she didn’t know when it was that she’d need to move to Boston.

“Remember the group of jobs that my mentor had me apply for? And I told you there was one that was way out of my league and I didn’t think I’d get it, but she had me apply anyway?” Riley spoke, looking at her hands.

“Yeah, did you hear back from any of them?” He sounded so nonchalant and the fact that he wouldn’t see this coming was enough for the familiar feeling of prickling tears to start to form in her eyes.

“I did, right before dinner. She called and uh, well…I got the job that I didn’t think I’d get,” she said, swallowing the knot in her throat as she looked at him. “The one in Boston…I–I got it.”

He sat himself up, a big smile on his face. “What? Riles, that's awesome!” He reached over and draped his arm over her shoulders, tugging her into him as he hugged her, pulling back and looking at her again. “I’m so proud of you, this is great! Why didn’t you say anything at dinner? That’s something to celebrate!”

Riley just stared at him, not wanting to say the words. The silence spoke what she couldn’t say and like a movie, she watched the realization dawn on him and if hearing him be so excited for her and proud of her wasn’t enough to make the burning feeling of tears in her eyes stronger, it was seeing his proud, beaming smile start to fade. Back when she had applied for jobs, most of which were either in St. Louis or Calgary, they had a conversation about what they were going to do with their relationship. Matthew had done long distance before and in his eyes, it was just something that never worked out, even if both parties tried their best to make it work.

St. Louis was one thing, but Boston was another. He lived in St. Louis three to four months out of the year. If she stayed there, things could have been easier, just like they would have been easier if she got a job in Calgary. But Boston? Sure, he had family there, but they only visited once or twice a year, many times in the summer. The summer was his time to relax at home with his friends and family, catch up on what he missed while he was in Calgary for the previous eight to nine months. It wasn’t realistic to ask of him to sacrifice any time at home, to spend his summer with her in Boston so they could have time together too.

The thought of the end had been in her mind the moment what Boston really meant had sunken in as she had walked back to their dinner table earlier.

This, her and Matthew, the last five to six months– it was done.

“Say something,” she whispered, feeling her bottom lip tremble as the tears blurred her vision. “Please?”

“Do you know when you have to be there?” He asked, clearing his throat as he tried to wipe away any sign of disappointment that she’d already seen.

Riley shook her head, sitting herself up fully and sitting criss cross applesauce, keeping her hands rested in her lap. “No, I’ll probably find out tomorrow because that’s when I’m supposed to get the official email.”

“Well, we can hold off for a few months until you have to move, right?” He nodded, clearing his throat again before taking a deep breath and exhaling, placing his left hand on top of her hands. “Unless that’s something you don’t want to do? What do you want to do, Riles?”

Oh, he must’ve seen her reaction to that suggestion. It wasn’t a bad one, but it wasn’t an eager nod…it was more of a frown, like she knew it wasn’t going to work. “I don’t know,” she spoke softly, holding onto his hand as she looked at him. “Any chance your whole view on long distance relationships changed?”

The shake of his head was subtle, but enough to send her heart plummeting in her chest. There was no holding back the tears that had been filling her eyes from falling down her face as the reality sank in. How was this the way everything was going to end? Why were these cards handled? What kind of being running the universe would put them on the other’s path and then split them to go down separate ways just when everything was going great? Neither of them wanted to end their relationship, but there was no way that would work out for them if they chose to stay in it? The hopelessness of it all felt like it was pulling her down and she was clawing at the surface for small gasps of air so she could make it through this unscathed.

“I–” he paused, clearing his throat as he kept his focus on their hands, an intense focus that Riley recognized as his attempt not to cry. He kept that same focus the first time they watched Dear John together, because she’d never seen it.

She bawled like a baby, he came close to, but was trying very, very hard not to.

“I don’t want you to not be excited about this,” he spoke slowly and clearly, trying to keep his voice clear from emotion. “Because this is big Riles, this is what you’ve been working for. And I know that right now, this…this sucks, but this is what you want to do, you know? This job…this is it.”

Riley sniffled as she reached up with her left hand and wiped away the tears from her cheeks. “I don’t want to– this,” she sniffled again, shaking her head. “I don’t want this to e-end, but Matt–”

“I know,” he said, breaking his concentration on her hands and looking at her, tears in his eyes. “But I would be doing you a huge disservice if I let this continue on, because Riles…I don’t want it to end either, but I’d rather it end where we both still love each other than rather we try to stick it out and we end up hating each other because the distance doesn’t work.”

Tears continued to roll down her face as her mouth trembled. Matthew reached up with his left hand and wiped her cheeks before keeping his hand against her cheek. “I can’t even imagine a life where I don’t think you’re the greatest person in the world.”

She leaned herself over into his arms, curling up against his chest and letting him wrap his arms around her as he held her while she cried. The sobs were quiet, as she didn’t want to wake up Taryn, who was sleeping on the couch just outside of his bedroom door, but they were heavy sobs escaping from the depths of her chest she hadn’t even known existed. Sobs that were shaking her body as they exited her mouth and vibrated against his chest where she had her face pressed into his shirt. Matthew just held her, resting his cheek on top of her head and rubbing her back, letting her cry as he tried not to let her know he was crying too. But she could hear the difference in his breathing and feel the deep vibrations in his chest from him trying his best to hold in his own, small sobs.

Once they both calmed down, she pulled herself out of his arms and wiped her eyes with her hands, sniffling and looking at him. Only the moment he made eye contact with her, the waterworks were working again. “It’s just a right person wrong time, thing Riles. We’ll figure it out,” he said, reaching out and tucking hair behind her ear. “These things always work out, you’ve read enough of those books of yours to know this.”

“I love you,” she sniffled, wiping at her eyes as the tears kept falling.

Matthew smiled softly, leaning in and holding his right hand at the back of her head as he kissed her forehead. “I love you too, Riles.” He rested his forehead against hers before kissing it again and then pulling back with teary eyes and his dimpled smile. “Does this mean Taryn and I are about to fifth and sixth wheel our parents and Brady and Emma’s Greece vacation?”

Riley laughed, sniffling again as she nodded. “Probably. I don’t think…I mean, Greece it wouldn’t–”

“Relax, Riles…I understand,” he nodded, his smile falling into a smaller one. “But hey, just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean we can’t still try to be friends, right?”

God, hearing the word friends was so heart crushing, even if she’d known this possibility was in the running. “Does that even work?” She asked, wiping her nose. “In the movies it alway goes wrong–”

“Well, we wouldn’t try to be friends right away, because that definitely wouldn’t work,” he said, shaking his head. “But…maybe we can try to take a break for a bit from talking to each other? A month or two? Then we can try to talk on a friendly, non-romantic, I want to rip off your clothes and jump your bones, basis?”

This time Riley laughed a genuine laugh. The stomach cramping, butterflies laugh only Matthew could make her do. “You’re a dork,” she smiled, nudging him as she settled down and took a deep breath, exhaling. “But yeah…I guess we can try that. There’s no harm right? And it should be easy. We became friends before dating–”

“Well, technically I tried to make friends with you at the bar and you shut me down.”

“You were flirting with me from the start, don’t even try it,” she smiled, pointing at him before letting her hand rest back into her laugh with a sniffle. “But really, Matthew…I want to try it. Because this,” she motioned between them. “This friendship and relationship felt really special, and I don’t want to lose that.”

“It’s a deal then,” Matthew smiled, extending out his hand for her to shake. “A month with no contact whatsoever, and then we’ll come back and try to be friends, right?”

Riley looked at his hand, realizing that if she shook it, it would seal the deal on her relationship with Matthew ending. But she meant what she said, this was special and she didn’t want to lose it. So she grabbed his hand and shook it, nodding her head. “It’s a deal.”

“Great,” he smiled softly, still shaking her head.

“Great,” she replied, feeling him squeeze her hand before he let it go. She took a deep breath and exhaled, feeling the dried tears on her face and the congestion in her nose from sniffling. “I need a shower, I feel all…gross.”

Matthew tossed his blankets to the side, nodding his head. “I’ll set you out a towel and start it for you. You can toss your stuff in the hamper and–”

“Can you wash my hair for me?” She asked, getting out of bed and following him into the bathroom. “Just one last time, please? We don’t have to do anything, but–”

“Of course, Riles,” he nodded, smiling as he opened the shower door and reached in, turning the water on. “You know I’d do anything for you.”

The ding of the elevator brought Riley out of her thoughts and she looked up to see the red 10 signaled on the screen, meaning she’d finally reached the floor where Matthew’s apartment was. She stepped off of the elevator and dug into her purse to find her copy of his apartment key, grasping the red rubber spiral keychain that the key was on in her hand hard enough to where she could feel it leaving an imprint in her palm. She felt herself start to slow down as she reached his apartment, her feet feeling heavy and her heartbeat slowing in pace until she found herself face to face with his door.

She knew he wasn’t home, Jacob himself said that Matthew was out with his parents doing some sightseeing until later tonight. They’d be flying out the day after tomorrow, when Riley would already be back home in St. Louis. She was thankful that they weren’t all flying out the same day. It was awkward enough yesterday morning after she’d left before breakfast and Matthew was left to tell Taryn and then his parents, Brady and Emma alone about why she had gone and how their relationship was no more and she’d no longer be in attendance on their family vacation. She really didn’t need to have a run in on the same flight either.

Riley pulled the key out of her purse, unlocking the door and opening it. She paused in place, listening in for any sound of life within the apartment, just in case the plans had changed, but she was greeted with silence. In relief, Riley walked into the apartment and shut the door behind her, turning back to face the open apartment and standing in place. Matthew had given her some time yesterday afternoon to come by with Claire and grab the stuff she had here, so she knew nothing of hers was here– but it still felt like home.

There wasn’t a single space in this apartment that she could look at and now have some sort of memory or picture a moment that she and Matthew had shared. She slowly walked further into the apartment, bypassing the bar counter and the kitchen table where she had opted to leave what she came to leave, there. But instead, she made her way to his bedroom, not wanting it to be so public whenever it was that he came across it. At least here, he would have some privacy.

She walked over to his bed and placed her copy of his apartment key down onto the blue comforter, reaching back into her purse and pulling out an envelope with his name on it. Inside of it was a letter that she’d written to him. It talked a lot about how she was thankful that he’d come into her life and that she was sorry for ignoring him that night at the bar. It brushed over the memories that they made and how much fun she’d had in the few short months, even describing how those months felt like a lifetime in the best possible way. She had signed off with a ‘see you in a month, I promise I won’t ignore you this time when you try to be my friend’ and a smiley face followed by a simple signature of her name, ‘Riley.’ But at the very bottom of the letter was a separate sign off. A p.s. note that she felt, despite their attempts to be friends, she felt was needed.

“P.S. Thank you for showing me how I deserved to be loved. Just know that you will always be the first guy I’ve ever genuinely and rightfully loved. Love Always, Riles.”

She pulled one last thing out of her purse, the copy of ‘Dear John’ that she had bought after he made her watch the movie. As someone who almost always preferred to read the book first before watching any tv or movie adaptation, Matthew insisted that she forgo the whole process and just watch the movie with him. Little did he know, she was already ordering it off of Amazon and read it in one sitting once it arrived at her apartment. On the cover, she left a sticky note with a simple message of “now read the book, i promise it’s just as good :)” followed by a bunch of page numbers, but only two of which were highlighted, simply because they were two of her now favorite quotes that just seemed oh so fitting for their situation, ironic too since it was one of his favorite movies.

“In our time together, you claimed a special place in my heart, a place that I will carry with me forever and that no one can replace” and “Our story has three parts; a beginning, a middle and an end. And while that’s how all stories play out, I still can’t believe ours didn’t last forever.”

Cheesy? Sure, but she knew that he would find some appreciation for it. Once she made sure that he would be able to find them, she took a deep break and looked around the room one last time. This was where everything had come to an end, in this very room. Where she cried and cried until she fell asleep on her last night here in his arms. It should hurt her heart being in this room, but just like stepping foot into his apartment…it felt like home. A warm, fuzzy feeling was inside of her chest, trying its best to cover up the ache and the heaviness she’d been feeling nonstop since later Saturday night. She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath before opening them and exhaling, taking the first step to walk out of his room and not letting herself stop and slow down to take in the apartment one last time, because then she knew she would have the hardest time trying to leave.

When she opened the door, she turned the small lock on the inside doorknob so the door would lock behind her and she paused in place. It was hard trying to convince herself not to take one last look, but she caved in, wanting to say goodbye even just in her mind to a place that’d become a safe place for her. She only allowed herself a few moments before she walked out of the apartment and shut the door behind her, making sure that it was locked. Then, she booked it like hell to the elevator, never taking another look, not even when she got into the elevator, forcing herself to stand in front of the buttons as she pressed the lobby button, her lack of having the key fob keeping her from going onto any other floor, even though she wasn’t going to.

The moment the elevator doors opened on the lobby, she kept her focus straight ahead where she could still see Jacob’s car parked out front. She bypassed the still empty receptionist desk and quickened her pace, feeling her heart race in her chest as she pushed open the door and walked out into the summer heat, the sunlight hitting her face and making her squint her eyes. Her chest was rising and falling fast as if she was suffocating with the memory she was leaving behind as she left the apartment one last time. And once she stood outside, she was able to take a deep breath, feeling her chest fully expand and deflate as she exhaled.

“Hey Ri, you good?” Brendan asked, his window rolled down as he now sat in her seat.

“Yeah,” she nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling again before turning back and looking over her shoulder at the apartment building, her eyes instantly going to where the tenth floor would be. “I think I will be.”

DAY 203 – JULY 22ND, 2022 [ TRICKED RECONCILIATION ]

“I already told you earlier” Riley said, looking at Claire and Brendan as she laid her book down onto her stomach. “I don’t want to go and you can’t make me. I’m literally 24-years-old.”

Brendan snorted, leaning in her doorway. “I told you she wouldn’t go, I don’t know why you bothered trying to–”

Claire turned around to face their younger brother, pointing at him. “Go wait in the living room, we’ll be right out.”

“Fine,” Brendan held his hands up in defense as he stood up straight and turned around and walked down the hall and eventually down the stairs and out of view, leaving just Riley and Claire there in Riley’s room.

Claire double checked to make sure he was out of sight before she closed the bedroom door behind her and then made her way over to Riley’s closet. “You’re wasting your time, Claire–”

“No, you’re wasting your time,” Claire replied, opening her closet doors and skimming through the clothes. “I know you’re still upset about the way things ended with Matthew but you leave for Boston in a month and a half and you haven’t done anything besides lay in bed and read your books since you got home from Calgary.”

“I’m not upset about Matthew,” Riley said, resting her book down and staring at Claire. “I mean sure, it’s not all sunshine and daisies, but I’ve accepted that life isn’t fair and the situation overall sucks but there’s nothing that I can do about it. I did my crying, I’ve accepted it and now I’m just going to wait until it’s time to leave for Boston and enjoy my favorite things while I do.” She picked her book back up and turned the page. “Now get your nose out of my closet and go to that party.”

“Ri, I love you a lot. You’re my sister and my best friend, we’ve spent our entire lives together. We grew up together and we know each other better than anyone else in this world. So I don’t know why you think you can pull this ‘I’m fine’ bullshit over on me. Because if anyone knows you’re not fine, it’s me.” She grabbed an off the shoulder shirt and tossed it at Riley’s feet, a pair of jeans following after and then she closed the closet and walked over to her dresser, grabbing a strapless bra and adding that onto the pile. “So get up, get dressed and meet Brendan and I out in the living room in ten minutes or so help me God, I will drag you out of bed and to the party looking exactly like this, by your hair.”

Riley sat there as she watched Claire open the bedroom door and walk through it, shutting it behind her once more. On one hand, she knew Claire was right. Her time here at home was dwindling down fast and before she knew it, she’d be in her new apartment in Boston, alone. But on the other hand, she just wanted to spend her time, especially at night, doing the things she enjoyed. Things that filled her time and preoccupied her mind from drifting off onto wondering what Matthew was doing or how their vacation to Greece went. If he was back home now or if he went off on another trip with friends.

She bookmarked her page and set the book off to the side before tossing her blankets off and getting out of bed. Grabbing the clothes Claire had set out, Riley changed over to the jeans and shirt, getting dressed into real clothes that weren’t sweatpants and a t-shirt for the first time all day. She took the time to get herself ready and looking like she hadn’t just spent so many hours locked away in her room, lying in bed and reading a book before she left her room, seeing Claire and Brendan sitting there, both looking surprised.

“Well damn, you actually did it,” he said, looking at Claire and uncrossing his arms. “Well, let’s get going, yeah?”

He walked towards the front door, Riley standing there as Claire came up beside her and draping her arm over her shoulders with a smile. “You’ll have fun tonight, Ri, I promise.”

Maybe Riley’s idea of fun and Claire’s idea of fun were close, but not the same. Sure, it was nice to see some of her friends from high school and some of Claire and Brednan’s friends too at the house of one of Riley’s friends. Their city was large, but small. Everyone here had a sixth degree relationship with someone else.

And that's something Riley should’ve remembered when she saw Matthew standing inside talking to one of her and Claire’s friends from high school. At first, she had to convince herself that it wasn’t actually him, she was just imagining it. But when he leaned his head back and laughed, she felt something squeeze around her heart, because she’d know that dimpled smile anywhere. She stopped herself from going inside to grab herself a soda, instead walking around the backyard to try and find Claire or Brendan to tell them that Matthew was here and she wanted to go home.

Yet somehow, they were nowhere to be found and she was left to figure it out herself. She texted their sibling group chat, sending an ‘SOS, need to talk’ message before sitting herself down on the edge of the pool and rolling her pant legs up as high as she could before dipping her feet into the cool water. It was only a little over a week away before their one month of not seeing each other or talking was to come to an end. Then they could try to be friends again, but the feeling inside of her chest and her racing heart was telling her that a month wasn’t enough.

That maybe they would need more time, or God forbid, not be able to be friends at all.

“Hey…” She felt her pulse in her throat as she looked up to see Matthew standing there to her left, his hands buried deep into his shorts pockets.

“Hey,” she replied, smiling softly as she motioned for him to take a seat. “You can sit…if you want.”

She watched as he hesitated for a moment before nodding and taking his hands out of his pockets and sitting himself down next to her, taking his flip flops off and placing them down next to her before putting his feet into the pool. They sat there in silence for a few moments, the party in the background filling the silence between them.

“How was the trip to Greece?” She asked, breaking the silence and swallowing the knot in her throat. “I saw the pictures…but how was it?”

“Good, it was good, a lot of fun,” he nodded, holding his bud light in his hand. “It would’ve been a lot more fun with you there, but you know…it was still a good time. How have you been?”

“Good,” she nodded, looking at him and shrugging. “Just a lot of shifting through stuff. My mom’s trying to get rid of half of my things, I think she’s planning on turning my bedroom into a craft room or something.”

“Mom’s tried that with Brady’s room a couple of times,” he laughed softly. “Said we’ve shared a room before, we can share one again.”

“You might not have to worry about that longer though, I saw he and Emma got engaged. I wanted to text him and congratulate him, but…you know.”

“Yeah, it’s about time too. I swear they’re practically married though,” he laughed, taking a sip of his beer. “I’ll tell them you said congratulations though.”

“Thanks,” she nodded, playing with her hands in her lap and kicking her feet in the water.

Matthew finished his drink and cleared his throat, looking at the can and then at her. “Would you want to come with me to get a refill? So we can keep catching up and I won't lose you in the crowd?”

Something inside of her told her maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but it was greatly overshadowed by the feeling of missing him for the last twenty days. “Yeah, okay,” she smiled and nodded her head.

Matthew stood himself up and reached his hand out to help her stand up too. He held her hand for a few seconds longer even after she was standing up, but then he let go and the two of them made their way into the house. Over the music they talked about what they’d been up to since they last saw each other. Matthew had gone into more detail about the Greece vacation, the sights they saw, the food and drink, renting a boat for a day and how clear the water had been. He told her that she would’ve loved it and she agreed, she would have. She told him that she wished she would’ve gone.

One of their mutual friends, which turned out to be one of her friends from high school’s brother, who was a friend of Matt’s, tried to get them to join in on some drinking game which had everyone already playing, giggling and laughing as they watched two people trying to down their drinks faster than the other. But Matthew just grabbed her hand and led her away from the group so they’d stop trying to lure them in. When they finally stopped walking, they found themselves in one of the few quiet rooms in the house– a room that looked like it was a guest room.

Riley would be lying if she said that her heart wasn’t racing and her body temperature wasn’t rising at the mere fact that she was alone in a bedroom with Matthew for the first time in months. But like he always did, he was able to bring her at ease but just…talking. They talked about her move to Boston, how she found an apartment and was set to move in in late August, early September. How she had started to talk to the two other co-workers she was hired on the same job announcement with and that they seemed like really nice people. He told her again, just how happy he was and proud he was of her for getting the job and that he knew she’d do great things.

It felt like no time between them had passed at all and they were both sitting on the bed, laughing and talking like they hadn’t broken up and were doing a horrible job at trying to be friends– when the tension that they had was still so heavy and clear, that it was hard not to notice. So maybe that’s why after the laughter had simmered down, she leaned in and kissed him before quickly pulling back, ready to apologize.

And maybe that’s why, instead of letting her apologize and agreeing that it wasn’t the best idea, Matthew cupped her face and leaned back in, kissing her back.

They both knew that what they were doing wasn’t the best idea. This would set them back again on their journey to being friends. With each layer of clothing that was removed, it was another chip away at the shield she had put up to protect her heart and herself after their break up. She would once again have that aching, open wound she’d need to nurse back to health once it was all said and done.

For right now though, she didn’t care. Because all she’s wanted since that night in his apartment, was to have one more night or day or hour or minute to be in his arms. To kiss him again. And now that she was here, in this moment and getting what her heart had been wishing for the last three weeks…she never wanted it to end.

But it had to, and when they laid there together after it was all over– just like before, it felt like nothing had changed. He had his arm draped over her and she was curled into his side and laying her head on his chest. ‘This is how it’s supposed to be, right here…just us.’ She thought and kept repeating that thought in her head, even as there was that aching feeling in her chest that knew it wasn’t going to last.

Riley wasn’t sure of how long they laid there for, not long enough for the party to be over because they could still here the muffled sounds of music and the guests from the other side of the locked door. But long enough to where she knew that if they didn’t leave the room now, their lack of presence would be noted by those who knew of their relationship. So she was the first one who made the move to get up out of bed and start to get dressed, Matthew following soon after her as they didn’t speak. And suddenly she found herself regretting her choice to get dressed, because laying there in silence was so much better than getting dressed in silence.

“Oh…” he said, picking up her shirt which had soaked up the remainder of his beer that had been spilled at some point while they were undressing. “You can’t wear this, it reeks of beer. Here,” he took off his shirt, an old London Knights one she’d worn time and time before as a pajama shirt. “You can wear mine.”

“Thanks,” she said, putting on his shirt and then taking her beer soaked shirt from him balling it up and shoving it in her purse.

“Riles…” God she missed hearing him call her that, it was her favorite thing in the world she’d come to find. But right now, she wished he was calling her anything else. “I…maybe we just got a little too ahead of ourselves with this…trying to be friends, you know?”

She could feel the tears burn in her eyes as she choked them back, trying not to let the knot in her throat stop her from taking deep controlled breaths. “Mhhm.”

“It’s just…it’s too soon and then this,” he shook his head, exhaling. “I don’t regret this at all, Riles. Because I love you, I do. But I don’t, I’m not sure if I can be your friend and love you at the same time.”

Riley just nodded again, making the first move towards the door as he followed behind. “I get it, I do.”

“So maybe,” he took another deep breath and exhaled, putting his hands in his pockets again. “Maybe, it’s going to take a lot longer…and maybe we shouldn’t–”

“Matthew, please,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t need to say it, I understand what you’re saying, I promise. Thank you for everything, and I don’t regret this either and I love you.” She felt the knot in her throat choke her for a second before she cleared it and nodded, turning away from him. “I think I’m just going to go home.”

He nodded, and reached around her, unlocking the door and opening it before stepping aside and letting her leave the room. She heard the door close behind her soon after, probably to let himself wait a bit before he left the room as to avoid any speculation, though that was going to be hard considering he was left shirtless and she was wearing his shirt. She made her way outside after not seeing Claire or Brendan anywhere in the living room and kitchen, eventually catching sight of Brendan standing off by the jacuzzi. She walked over as fast as her feet would take her, clutching her purse and her shirt against her and fighting like hell to keep the tears from falling.

“Hey Ri,” Brendan smiled, his smile falling once she got closer. “What’s wrong?”

“I want to go home,” she spoke softly, Brendan ushering her off to the side and away from friends so they could speak privately. “Matthew’s here a-and I just want to go home.”

“Of course he’s here,” he said, looking confused. “Didn’t Claire tell you he was going to be here?”

She looked at him, confused and taken aback when she felt a pair of arms around her shoulders and someone resting their chin on her shoulder. “Hi little sister, are you having fun?” Claire smiled, letting her arms fall to the side when Riley stepped out of them. “What’s wrong?”

“You knew he was going to be here?” Riley asked, her bottom lip trembling.

Claire’s smile falling into a frown told Riley everything that she needed to know. “Wow,” she huffed, shaking her head. “Out of everyone, I thought that you would understand how it would make me feel to see him again. I told– I cried to you about everything and you…” she stopped, sniffling and shaking her head again. “I’m going home.”

“I’ll drop you off and come back,” Brendan said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder before looking at Claire and walking with Riley as they left the poolside area of the backyard and through a backyard fence.

When they made it to the front of the house, Brendan dug into his pockets to grab the keys and as they made their way to the car, Riley spotted Matthew getting into the backseat of what she presumed to be an uber. And soon she realized, as she watched the uber slowly drive away…that this was how life was going to be from now on. No more Matthew. And just like the uber had drifted off into the distance and out of view, he too would eventually fade from her thoughts.

And the peace he brought would go along with him.

DAY 244 – SEPTEMBER 1ST, 2022 [ A PEACEFUL REALIZATION ] *EPILOGUE*

“Well Riley, I have to say that your apartment looks quite nice,” her dad smiled, taking a look around the living room and the furniture they’d set up to make the 800 square foot apartment feel a little more homey.

“Thanks, Dad,” she laughed, sitting on one of the bar stools at her counter. “But I meant it when I said you guys can’t stay here tonight. You’ve stayed here the last two nights helping me set up, but now it’s time for me to spend my first night alone in my apartment.”

“They grow up so fast, don’t they?” Brendan teased, resting his hands on her shoulders. 

In the 41 days since that night when she’d last seen Matthew…a lot had changed. For the first two weeks, she and Claire were at odds. It didn’t help that Claire had also gone off to Sweden to visit Jacob’s family for a week, but when she came back, she had apologized to Riley for what she had done. Telling her that her reasoning was that she knew how much she’d missed Matthew and she knew that Matthew had missed her too– and that maybe, if they’d gotten back together that they would be able to see a new solution through.

All she wanted was for her sister to feel better again, she wanted the best for her little sister and though she went about it the wrong way, she was still sorry for doing it and hiding Matthew’s attendance at the party from her. She spent the rest of August spending at much time with her family in between packing and sending emails to work to set up and confirm her first day and what she’d need to bring.

She was nervous to be moving from home, but at the same time she was excited. This was something she had worked for her entire life and she was finally on the journey to reaching it. It was something new and unknown, but that adventure made it nerve wracking…and thanks to Matthew, she’d learned that sometimes, those nerves when you’re about to do something for the first time…were just excitement hiding in the wings.

Her family and Jacob had tagged along to help her drive to Boston at the end of August and have spent the last three days with her, helping her unpack and set up her apartment. Tomorrow afternoon, they’d be flying back home and she’d be in the city of Boston all alone. But tonight, tonight was going to be her first night in her apartment alone– and she was both looking forward to it and hating it at the same time.

“Okay, so we’ll go get in the car so we can go to dinner,” Claire said, as their parents and Brendnan made their way to the front door. “Do you mind waiting for Jacob when he comes out of the bathroom?”

“Not at all, we’ll be right down there,” Riley smiled, waving them off as she spun herself on her barstool.

Shortly after, Jacob came walking out of the bathroom, looking around confused. “Did they leave us?”

“They’re just in the car,” Riley said, hopping off the stool. “But since I’ve got you here, I thought I’d ask…how the convo with our parents go?”

He smiled, nodding his head as they left her apartment. “Really good, they loved the ring. Said that Claire would love it too.”

“I told you she would,” Riley smiled, bumping into him as she looked her apartment behind them. “You sure you’re ready to be a part of the family? I mean…have you met us?”

“I have and you guys are great,” he laughed, bumping her back.

A little bit after their trip to Sweden, Jacob had facetimed Riley asking if he could get her opinion on something. And when she answered, he showed that he was at a jewelry store in Sweden, where he was staying with family a little longer and said that he was wanting to pick out an engagement ring for Claire, but wanted a little insight onto which she might like. She helped him pick it out and when he came into St. Louis the night before they drove up to Boston, he sat their parents down and asked for their permission to marry Claire.

Things had been so hectic that Riley hadn’t been able to get Jacob alone long enough to ask him how it had all gone, but now that they had a little bit of time, she took full advantage of it.

“Is the plan still the same?”

“Mhhm,” Jacob nodded, a fond smile on his face. “I’m going to take her to Lake Louise when we get back to Calgary, just where we went on our first date and then I’m going to ask her. Hopefully she says yes.”

“She’ll definitely say yes,” Riley smiled, nodding her head. “She really loves you.”

“Thanks, Riley, that means a lot,” he replied, the elevator doors opening into the lobby and them walking out. “And I know you guys had a bit of a falling out, but she loves you a lot and never meant to hurt your feelings. You know her, she just…wants everyone to be happy and puts it on herself to make sure they are.”

Riley nodded, sucking in her lips at the mention of their falling out. She felt nervous, but she knew that the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away until she asked, because she knew that the two of them were still in touch. “So…do you know how he’s doing? I haven’t really kept up with the hockey stuff because…you know.”

“He’s good,” Jacob replied, hesitating himself as he took a deep breath and Riley knew he was unsure if he wanted to answer. “He’s excited about going to Florida–”

“FLORIDA?” She asked, eyes wide. “What? Since when?”

“Um…maybe end of July? Right around the time you and Claire had your falling out. He got traded to the Panthers.”

Riley remembered him mentioning about how he and his agent were in talks with the Flames about his contract, but he seemed so hesitant to talk about it and not in the mood too, like something was bothering him and she knew she didn’t want to push further about it so she didn’t. She had no idea that days later he’d be traded.

“Wow, that’s…big,” she said, crossing her arms. “Is he Captain?”

“No, but I don’t doubt he’ll work his way up to it…you know Chucky. He’s really excited to be down there since he’s got an old teammate who plays for them. I think it’ll be a good change for him.”

Riley nodded, not continuing the conversation as they walked out of the apartment building and found her parents rental car, getting inside.

She tried not to let the news be forefront in her brain for the rest of dinner. This was her last night with her family and she wanted to soak up every second of it, especially since she knew that in just short of a week, Claire and Jacob would be back in Calgary and engaged. She knew she was going to miss having them just right there in the same room and knew she’d have to adjust to them being a phone call away instead. She was successful in turning her focus towards them, and by the end of dinner when they dropped her off at her apartment building, her stomach was hurting from laughing so hard.

It was the first time she’d laughed that hard since her break up with Matthew.

There was no fighting from keeping him out of her mind as she made her way into the elevator and the heavy metal slowly climbed the stories to her apartment floor– floor number ten, go figure. But she held it off until she was in the safety of her own apartment, letting the emotions flow out of her as she leaned against the door and sighed.

The silence was loud as she moved through her new apartment, trying to adjust to the layout. She walked over to her keurig, filling it up and placing a mug onto it to make herself something hot to drink. While she waited, she walked back to her room and got undressed, switching over into some pajama pants and an all too-familiar shirt that she’d tried to give back before she left, but allowed herself to keep it since it had been in her possession for weeks, and she knew for a fact that if she even tried to return it, she’d be told to keep it.

It had slowly turned into her favorite shirt the way that the cotton had been washed and dried so many times that the green and white in the Knights logo had started to crack and the material was soft against her skin.

She put on her slippers and walked back out of her room, over to the kitchen where she could see the steam rising from her Banff souvenir mug. Picking it up, she walked back out of the kitchen and over to her balcony door, sliding it open before walking out into the cool night air and shutting the door just barely behind her. She sat down in her chair, taking in the sight of the city lights all around her and the sounds of the traffic and people walking below brought her ease.

Riley brought out her phone, unlocking it and opening her instagram app. Typing in his username, she brought up Matthew’s profile and allowed herself to scroll through his pictures. The last time she’d seen it, it was before their meet up at the party when he’d posted pictures of the Greece trip. Matthew wasn’t one for posting on social media too much, so in that time, he’d only posted four things. One was a tribute video to his time in Calgary, another was a picture of him sitting at a press conference with the Florida Panthers logo behind him, wearing a polo and his dimpled smile. Another was a photo montage of what looked like a boys golfing trip, which Riley laughed at because of course. And his most recent, just a few weeks prior, was an action shot of him in the white and red panthers uniform. It was a far stretch from his red with Calgary…but it fit him well.

Out of habit, she found herself looking up at the sky, seeing the stars that the city lights hadn’t managed to outshine and when she blinked…for a split second…she thought she saw a shooting star.

As the thought passed, she smiled to herself and took a sip of her hot chocolate, looking at the mug once she was finished and leaned further back into her chair. Shortly after their run in at the party, she unfollowed him on instagram as a way to try and cleanse him from her life. A way to make the transition easier for her. But what Riley had discovered was that this was how life was going to be from now on. Sure, there was no more Matthew in her day to day life, no more random texts or facetime calls or phone calls, not even an instagram comment or a snapchat. But there was no cleansing him out of her life.

He left a big mark on her and in her life. He was the first boy she had ever loved and who loved her back, who taught her what it felt like to be loved. He was special, important. She could never push him out of her life. So while he was here for just a short while and gone in a flash, just like a shooting star…he was always going to be there in her memories.

And one day, she’d have to come to terms with that, but for now…it was just nice to think back and smile on the memories anytime a little piece of him popped up in her daily life.

He was everywhere and that was okay, because he had loved her and she loved him too and one could never easily forget it.

#again this is a fic i wasn't even sure i was going to post #just bc its kinda self indulgent when i wrote it ((and it was never a hockey fic)) #so a lot of editing and adding shit went into it #but just know that yk this fic stemmed from me trying to basically come to terms w a break up and it was my healthy way #of getting my emotions and feelings out!!!! #matthew tkachuk fic #matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk writing #matthew tkachuk one shot #matthew tkachuk oneshot #florida panthers one shot #florida panthers writing #florida panthers imagine #florida panthers oneshot #nhl writing #nhl one shot #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl oneshot #hockey writing #hockey one shot #hockey fic #hockey oneshot #florida panthers fic

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #41

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Names and locations have been changed to protect the identities of the fictional. Please enjoy.

I haven’t been sleeping lately. The voices keep me awake. I don’t remember what they said, usually, but one stuck with me last night:

“Goodbye.”

These voices come when I am half-dreaming, in a sort of contradictory way where I know I’m in bed. I can feel the sheets, the pillow bunched under my neck, the weird position I have my left arm in that I know I’ll regret later. But I can also feel the stocky waitress touch my waist as she brushes past me behind the counter of a diner, a tingly sensation like sharing space with a ghost.

I sit down, still well aware I’m laying. “What’s the cheapest thing you’ve got on the menu?”

She leans on the counter. “A big ol’ plate a’ hash browns, I reckon. Two ninety-five. I can throw a couple eggs on top if you like, for a dollar each.”

I shudder. My stomach is upset. “Maybe just a cup of hot tea.”

“Sure thing, hon’.”

I lay my head down on the cool vinyl countertop, nearly aligning my astral form with my physical one. I close my eyes for a moment, and when I open them again, he’s there. I can’t take my eyes off of him, even to blink, but I couldn’t bear the thought of eye contact either. I don’t want to know his face.

He whips his newspaper in the air as he turns the page. “Hm.”

I’m not sure what section he’s reading. I never touched the newspaper unless it was the comics section. But he reads intently. Something in there has caught his attention. He turns the page toward me.

“You see that?” He says. I squint to look but I just barely can’t read it. Part of me knows whatever news it is is only a figment of my subconscious anyway.

“What time is it?” I ask.

“Silly question.” He responds, and brings the paper back to himself. “It isn’t.”

“It has to be some time, doesn’t it?”

“It has been.”

I still won’t look at his face.

“You didn’t read the article, did you?”

“You didn’t give me much time to look at it.”

“You never read anything I ask you to.” He takes a sip of his coffee. Two red stirrers swirl around in the mug. “It wouldn’t make a difference.”

“Maybe it would if you’d give me a chance.” I take my head from the counter, disorienting myself with misaligned senses. “Hand it here.”

He pulls the page out and hands it over to me. I can see the newsprint on his fingers. I take the paper, careful not to touch his hand.

The letters are hazy, but I swear they’re shaped like words. I run my finger along them, trying to make something of it. But I can’t. I put it down.

“I tried.”

“No you didn’t.”

“How would you know?”

He growls. “I was there.”

“Where?”

“Where it happened. And it happened right here. Don’t you remember?”

I look around me at the clock on the wall, the rotating display case with assorted pies, the Americana decor spread on every surface. He leans back, and behind him I can see out the window across the street to the old grocery store.

“That isn’t there anymore.”

“It might as well be, if you’re not going in.” He takes a syrup dispenser filled with cloudy white liquid and begins pouring it on the counter, forming a river that ends in a waterfall into my lap.

A drip hits my khaki shorts and for a moment I can remember all of it. The tears start pouring out uncontrollably and I fall from the stool to the floor, weeping. He gets up from his seat and stands over me, his face obscured in shadow by the bright lights of the ceiling. He had only one more word to say, and it came from outside my bedroom door.

“Goodbye.”

I woke up in a panic, though I wasn’t truly sleeping. I haven’t been sleeping lately. I don’t remember why.

#NSC Original #brain curd #brain curds #writing #creative writing #writeblr #flash fiction #author #writer things #writers #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #writerscommunity #women writers #female writers #queer writers

[issie-https]

𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑰𝑪𝑺, 𝑲𝑰𝑹𝑲 𝑯𝑨𝑴𝑴𝑬𝑻𝑻

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝐾𝑖𝑟𝑘 𝐻𝑎𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑡 𝑋 𝐴𝐹𝐴𝐵!𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

𝑹𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕: 𝑁𝑜

𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐾𝑖𝑟𝑘 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑞𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝑁𝑜𝑛𝑒

𝑨/𝒏: 𝐻𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑠 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑐 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝐼'𝑚 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑛 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑠, 𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑤.

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 612

Me and Kirk had decided to go to the local shopping strip and have a day out. With Metallica, tours, recording and more, it's fairly rare that me and Kirk have more than three or four hours together. I'm fine with that because he's doing something he's good at and that he loves but we do miss spending candid time together.

I missed kissing his lips, running my fingers through his hair, listening to him talk about anything and everything. He missed holding me, looking into my eyes, breathing in each others scent.

So days like this where we wander aimlessly, looking around places that peak our interests and spending time together were always cherished. We had just left a record store where we'd bought a new vinyl of Abba's '76 album — our last Arrival vinyl was fairly scratched and made a weird sound during 'Fernando'.

"Y/n, look!" Kirk said, pointing to a comic/collectible store. "You already have like a billion comics, we're running out of room," I laughed. "Please," he begged, squeezing my hand twice. "Fine, but we're just looking," I replied.

I wasn't even lying, almost every room in our cottage had a bunch of comics in. Yes, even the bathrooms. Kirk was a huge geek when it came to comics and superhero figures. I can't say much though as my collection of Dungeons and Dragons merch was also starting to fill the house.

That's actually how we met. I was in a collectible store while looking for some new d&d collectibles and Kirk accidentally walked into me. He was buying a superhero comic and was sort of surprised that I was looking at D&D stuff.

"Look!" He said, pointing to a Marvel comic on the shelf. "You want it don't you?" I asked, looking up at his expression. The only way I can describe it is like a child seeing sweets or presents. "Very much," he replied, picking it up. "Fine, but just this one," I said, handing him the 75 cents for it.

"Can we read it when we get home?" He asked as we left the store. "If you insist," I replied, scanning the strip for a restaurant. My eyes landed on the McDonald's at the end. "Food!" I pointed out. "Thank god, I'm so hungry," Kirk groaned, dragging me to the restaurant.

✧༺༻✧

We arrived back home and I put the new vinyl in the crate we had decorated. "Cola?" I asked, peeking round the corner. He just mumbled an 'mhm' while flicking through the thin pages of the comic.

I took the glass bottle over to him and placed it on the table while flicking the tv on. "Any good?" I asked, swinging my legs over his. "Very," he replied, pulling me closer to his side. "It looks exactly like the last Spider-Man comic you got," I laughed, watching the movie which happened to be Dirty Dancing. "It doesn't if you actually read it and not drool over Patrick Swayze," he rolled his eyes.

I was in fact not drooling over Swayze, thank you very much. I just glanced at my adorable boyfriend who was engrossed in his comic. "I only have eyes for you, dear," I cooed, kissing his cheek. "That's cheesy, but nice to know," he laughed, kissing the side of my head.

I laid my head on his shoulder, soaking up these moments with him. I breathed in his scent and nuzzled into his side as he put his arm around my shoulders. His faint smell of cigarettes, cologne and cola lingering in my nose while I drifted off to sleep to the soft sound of Hungry Eyes.

#metallica #metallica imagines #kirk hammett #kirk hammett imagine #lars ulrich #james hetfield #cliff burton #jason newsted #fanfic #writer #author #issie https

[lost-walmartbag]

It's been a minute

Honestly, I take more hiatuses than I do showers at this point. I know it gets annoying I'm really sorry. I know I say that all the time at this point I know some of you aren't expecting another chapter until next year because of my lack of consistency. I wanna fill you guys in.

Why do I keep disappearing?

Life is hard. I don't know if you guys know this but I am in school currently. I'm a college student and I'm double majoring. That basically means double the work. Not only that but I also work. This is my second year of college and is way harder than my last year which if you don't know is when I started posting my stories. I know a lot of other amazing authors on here probably have more hectic schedules than I do and are still posting. I just can't do that. Sometimes I get a 10-page paper assigned and I can't split my time between writing that paper and writing my silly little stories. I wish I could give you guys a heads-up when I won't be posting for a while but realistically that would mean sending out an announcement every week. So yeah, that's why I keep suddenly vanishing.

Where was I this time?

Like I said, life is HARD. Recently I moved. It wasn't a big move but it took a lot out of me and I've been having a few issues with that. Not only that but got a bit of a promotion of sorts and have a lot more work because of it. Also, I love writing. Honestly, I've been doing it since I was a kid. I used to write like my life depended on it. Last year, in April I had this overwhelming urge to write and that's why I even started posting on here to begin with. Fun fact- I've had this blog for 7 years now but didn't start posting until this last year. I didn't have an urge like that in a while. Usually, when I wanted to writ I'd just do it in my notes app which is why when I first started I was pumping out stories left and right, I already had those stories written.

I haven't written ahead in months which is why my post come out so slowly. Recently I've been doing a lot of writing for school and that kinda made me sick of writing. I wasn't going home after writing 10-page essays on history I don't care about then going to work and helping a bunch of other people write essays they don't care about and then coming home and saying 'Ya know what I could really go for?' And that's not to say I don't love writing what I post here. I love my work and I even love the essays I write for school. I LOVE WRITING. I'm not the best at it so I'm really slow when I write just so I can make sure it's good enough to grace ya'lls eyes.

I also have other hobbies. I crochet and I read. I love reading- I know guess what I'm majoring in. And I think reading makes me a better writer, I get ideas, I learn things, I see different writing styles and tips. So I see reading as a necessary part of my writing process. I do it so much I was thinking about making a book review blog but made one post, doubted myself, and deleted the whole thing. I also crochet and I have been for around 2 years now. But I still consider myself a beginner. I'm not that good at it but I like doing it and it's a nice distraction from the world, maybe one day I'll share it with you all.

But yeah life has been crazy lately and sometimes writing my stories makes me go crazy. But that doesn't mean I don't love doing it. I love it and I want to keep doing it.

What's next?

I get a break from school and work in May. So I'll have a lot more time which means more time for writing. Yay! I do want to write more. I miss this. I miss putting stories out there and you guys showing and telling me how much you like it. I say it a lot so it sounds cheesy but it truly means the world to me. That's why I want you guys to comment because I love reading them.

But yeah. I want to keep writing. Also, I AM working on requests. Again I'm slow. I'm sorry. It's gonna take a minute but they will come out. BUT what I wanted to say is that. I made a ko-fi.

My Ko-fi is mostly for you guys to make requests. I think I have it for 5 dollars right now but my work is not worth that so I will be lowering it. If you do make a request there I do promise I will finish your request in a week unless there is a big reason I can't. But you of course don't have to pay me to make your requests. If you make a request on here- for free, you will still get your request done maybe even pretty fast sometimes, it's just gonna take me a bit longer most of the time. I also wanted to do something fun. So if you make a request on Ko-fi, name an animal, When I finish your request I'll also post a picture of the animal you listed and name it after you. It will be a part of my room forever. But of course, you don't have to. I still love you more than words can describe.

Also, I want to do more than SP fics. So I'm starting a new blog where I'm going to be doing Hazbin hotel fics at some point in the future. ( @locally-sourcedapple ) So if you're a fan of HH go follow my new blog and even send in a request if you want!

One more thing

I love you guys. It really means a lot, knowing people are out there who love my work and are even waiting for the next upload actually means more than I can express. I hope you guys stay with me because I wouldn't keep doing this without your support. I hope I cleared some stuff up and are excited for my content moving forward 🩷

#lost walmartbag #kayisanaddict #kay rambles

[comicaurora]

Hello Red! I'm happy to say you've inspired me to start drawing comics, but the biggest issue I've encountered is that it takes actually forever. I'm always really happy I did it when I'm done but it's hard to convince myself to start when I know a couple panels is gonna take me days. So I was wondering if you had any advice regarding streamlining the process for time efficiency or keeping up motivation for long projects, and, if you remember, how long a page took you when you first started vs how long it takes now?

Hoo boy. Yeah, I can help out with that. The very first page of the comic took me, if I'm recalling correctly, a full week. No other projects or pages, just this.

A lot of work went into details that are frankly impossible to see, though I am still glad I did it, both as a learning experience and because I felt like I owed it to Vash to do it some justice before I squished it in twelve pages.

Hell, if you look closely, you can even see the cavalcade of little visual errors I missed because I didn't have it in me to do a seventeenth cleanup pass after a week straight of drawing tiny houses. Getting faster meant I'd have more energy left to polish the pages and get them looking nicer.

The process of getting faster has been kind of a fits-and-starts situation. Drawing that many humanoid figures over and over again eventually means you just get better at the parts you're less sure of, so the process of lining the pages has gotten rather faster since I don't need to burn as much time getting the character poses and lines right. Currently, depending on page complexity, I can fairly consistently get 3-5 pages fully lined in one night. Backgrounds have also gotten faster, and I tend to do those in large batches, sometimes filling out entire chapters with location backgrounds and skyboxes because the scene location isn't going to change and that makes it easier to keep it consistent.

Initially my backgrounds were both more complicated and worse-looking, which is a bad combination.

I ended up deciding between chapters that painstakingly lining a bunch of background trees probably wasn't worth the effort, and worked on finding a shortcut that would work better. I ended up doing something a little more lineless, a shortcut I initially discovered because I didn't want to plug in my drawing tablet and was playing around with things I could do with just my trackpad.

It was simpler, faster, not too jarring, and it meant my clearly-lined foreground figures were more naturally visually separated from the distant background. Win-win-win.

For the style of coloring I do, I tend to shade before I add color, though this is a shortcut I didn't figure out until something like chapter 6. This process is also pretty fast, all things considered, though I've had a lot of practice doing this kind of cel shading which is why I can hammer out a lot of pages' worth of shading quite quickly.

I like working in batches of about one scene, often broken up into subgroups of 4-6 pages at a time, so I can't give a front-to-back turnaround for an individual page - but I also think this kind of assembly-line process has sped up the process overall and makes it more fun for me, because I can storyboard basically as far in advance as I want to, which in turn makes it easier for me to motivate myself to keep going, because I know there's all kinds of good stuff I'm looking forward to drawing down the line. There's some good shit I'm excited for in Chapter 21, and bursts of enthusiasm on the storyboard end of things often translate to enthusiasm on the page-finalizing end which makes it easier to slog through even the tedious bits.

As a bonus, working ahead means the story's got a better chance of making sense and having good pacing when it's read back as an archive. Another win-win.

Overall the greatest optimization tool I can recommend is just working on the project. There's no better way to identify the parts that feel unnecessarily slow and could be changed, or the parts of your art you're unsure of that need polish to get more speedy. If you're planning on publishing the comic anywhere, I recommend building up a buffer beforehand - something like the first chapter (or in my case, first three chapters) will give you a very good sense of what parts need more practice or improvement as you move forward. And it is genuinely easier to motivate yourself to continue if you have an audience giving you positive feedback and/or panicking at what you're doing to their darlings.

#asks #art stuff #writing stuff

[mischievouschan4]

WIP Wednesday - Club!AU (QuiObiAni)

I may have missed Wednesday by 10 minutes local time, but IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS! Here's another "what I'd like to write Wednesday" post that isn't truly a WIP:

Obi-Wan so very rarely goes to clubs these days. He'd had his wild streak when he was in college, but now that he's closer to forty than thirty, most of his nights are filled with mugs of steaming herbal tea, a thick novel, and maybe a relaxing bath.

As the owner of a local bookstore, he's already obligated to spend most of his time reading, but he just loves exploring new worlds through the pages of the latest thrillers or feeling the full spectrum of human emotion in a romantic comedy. He never complains about reading more, it's one of his favorite things in the world. But his own life, as calm and predictable as it is, reads in stark contrast to the exciting places that his mind visits in his books.

...Which is why he feels so out of place sitting at a small round table in the second floor bar area of a packed nightclub. The dark space is occasionally lit by the strobe lights flashing up from the open dancefloor below, and the air is filled with a pulsating beat curated by the live DJ. Obi-Wan leans over the railing to take a peek at the writhing mass of bodies all jumping up and down in time with the music.

No, thank you. Hard pass, he thinks to himself.

He's only here because it's Quinlan's birthday today, and the man had dragged Obi-Wan and a bunch of their old college friends out for 'an exciting night out, c'mon Obi-Wan, don't be such a sourpuss'. Obi-Wan had signed resignedly, but didn't deny that he could probably do with a little more socializing beyond occasionally chatting with his clientele. His life isn't lonely, per say, just quiet. And while he usually appreciates the tranquility, sometimes he does wish he could have someone... to fill in the blank spaces of his monochrome existence with a bit of color.

So here he is, nursing a Scotch and contemplating the state of his life as he oh so carefully guards his friends' belongings that they'd left scattered on the table and chairs around him. They'd gone off to do who knows what, and Obi-Wan is halfway convinced that he should pull out his phone and start answering some emails. Suddenly, someone moves the purse off the chair next to Obi-Wan and slides smoothly onto the seat in its place.

"So... aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?" a sultry voice asks. Though, a bit of the effect is ruined by the need for him to shout.

Obi-Wan squints through the low light (maybe he should have brought his glasses) to make out the shadowed shape of a young man, really young, probably late teens young, with a handsome face and a headful of bouncy curls. He's also wearing the tightest outfit Obi-Wan has ever seen on a person.

Is Obi-Wan... being hit on right now? By a barely legal twink?

Obi-Wan clears his throat awkwardly. "I- I sell books," he says loudly, leaning closer to speak directly in the other man's ear in order to be heard over the din. The newcomer smells like expensive cologne. Musky. Alluring.

The kid leans back and raises his eyebrows as he blatantly appraises Obi-Wan up and down. "Well, it's a good thing I have my library card then, because I'm totally checking you out," he yells back, shooting finger guns in Obi-Wan's direction.

It takes Obi-Wan a second to even register what was said, too distracted by the juvenile display. "That's what you're leading with?" Obi-Wan questions as he shakes his head.

"You don't like?" the kid brushes off the snub. "How about this one? Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be fine print." This time, the younger man drags out the words 'fine print' as he leans an elbow on the table and gazes up at Obi-Wan through his lashes.

Obi-Wan winces at the exaggeration.

"Still no?" The kid straightens and flicks his head to get the hair off of his forehead, unfazed. (Why was that so attractive?) "Okay, so I was reading the book of numbers, and I realized I don't have yours."

Obi-Wan sighs and holds up a hand, "How about we start with your name?" (He's actually mildly impressed with the kid's ability to think of so many book related pick-up lines on the spot, but something tells Obi-Wan that he doesn't need to inflate the kid's ego any more than it already is.)

"I'm Anakin," the kid, Anakin, answers. "What's yours?"

They sit there shouting at each other for a while with Obi-Wan becoming increasingly drawn in by the younger man's gorgeous eyes and attractive smirk. Anakin's smile should be illegal, Obi-Wan thinks to himself. He looks like sin incarnate. And the kid keeps touching Obi-Wan, finding every opportunity to lay a hand on Obi-Wan's bicep or trail his fingers across Obi-Wan's thighs. It's starting to drive Obi-Wan a little mad, his cock is definitely half hard in his pants.

All of a sudden, a busgirl comes up behind Obi-Wan, leaning over his shoulder to place a brightly colored shot onto the table. She pushes it towards Anakin as she yells, "From the man at the bar." Obi-Wan notices that she winks at Anakin before rushing off.

Anakin, clearly unconcerned about the safety of accepting drinks from strangers, lifts the glass and looks over Obi-Wan's shoulder to where the bar is, toasts someone - presumably the surprise benefactor who had bought him said liquor - and downs it in one gulp. The bob of Anakin's Adams apple as he swallows looks... incredibly tempting.

Obi-Wan feels annoyance stab through him, couldn't this 'man at the bar' see that Anakin was already taken? In fact, Anakin was the one who'd chosen Obi-Wan! But then, Obi-Wan reminds himself that it doesn't matter, it's not like he and Anakin are actually going to do anything. Right? Right?

"You're popular tonight," Obi-Wan points out neutrally.

Anakin just shrugs and puts his hand back on Obi-Wan's thigh with a smirk.

Obi-Wan quickly forgets why he's even miffed in the first place.

After a few moments, however, another man approaches their table and immediately invades Anakin's space. The man doesn't hesitate to thread his fingers into Anakin's curls and clench them into a fist, yanking Anakin's head back to bring their mouths together in a filthy kiss. They're clearly putting on a show for Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan feels his mouth fall open at the sight.

The other man, who is dressed to the nines in a full suit (tie and all), has his long hair pulled back in an elegant braid. He's also significantly older than Obi-Wan himself, and he moves with a well-practiced air that speaks of intimate familiarity with Anakin.

Obi-Wan watches, transfixed, as the man reaches up and wraps his fingers around Anakin's throat. Instead of fighting it, Anakin seems to arch his back further, putting himself on display while simultaneously pushing into the older man’s ministrations. The man doesn't squeeze, but Obi-Wan is getting all sorts of ideas as to what kinds of sexual activities these two get up to in private. Obi-Wan covertly adjusts himself in his pants as he watches Anakin enthusiastically respond to getting tongue fucked in public.

When the two finally break apart, the older man keeps a possessive arm around Anakin's waist as he extends a hand to Obi-Wan. In a bit of a daze, Obi-Wan registers that the other man's hand practically engulfs his own as they shake.

"I'm Qui-Gon," the man introduces himself. "I understand that you're the one my boy wants to fuck tonight." Qui-Gon also gives Obi-Wan an appreciative onceover. "Not bad," he compliments with a sensual smirk.

Obi-Wan instantly flushes red when he realizes that (somehow) both men are hitting on him? (How is this real life?) Maybe it’s due to the sheer implausibility of such a situation, or maybe it’s because he’s just that horny, but Obi-Wan lets himself get ushered into a back room of the club, a fancy office with a huge couch and, thankfully, soundproof walls.

"Are we allowed back here?" he asks tentatively. Finally able to speak at a normal volume.

"Yeah, we come here all the time," Anakin answers nonchalantly.

"But won't we get in trouble?"

Anakin smirks as he starts to shimmy out of his skin-tight outfit. Right there. In the middle of the room. "The owner of this place doesn't care," he says flippantly.

"In fact," Qui-Gon says as he comes to stand behind Obi-Wan and wrap his big hands around Obi-Wan's waist. The taller man brushes his nose against the shell of Obi-Wan's ear, sending shivers down Obi-Wan's spine. "The owner of this place likes to watch." Qui-Gon's voice rumbles like gravel, low and husky, and Obi-Wan can’t possibly resist. He pushes his hips back into the taller man and whimpers as Qui-Gon's hands slip in and dip below the waistband of Obi-Wan’s pants.

Anakin is completely naked at this point, and he goes to sit on the couch, hard cock on full display for the two older men. "And in case you're wondering," Anakin explains as grabs some lube hidden in the cushions, "Qui-Gon is the owner."

The long-haired man hums in confirmation as he tilts Obi-Wans face up for a long-awaited kiss. Qui-Gon is clearly very experienced at this, and Obi-Wan can do little except wind his arms around Qui-Gon's neck and cling. His knees have gone weak, and his brain is fuzzy.

Obi-Wan has his first threesome that night, with Anakin fucking into Obi-Wan with fervor at the same time Qui-Gon fucks Anakin at a more leisurely pace. The kid finishes before either of the other two, overwhelmed by the double stimulation, and Qui-Gon ends up fucking Obi-Wan until they both cum. By that point, Anakin is hard again, and Qui-Gon guides Obi-Wan to suck Anakin off as Qui-Gon fingers the younger man's hole.

Needless to say, Obi-Wan is thoroughly embarrassed afterwards, but Anakin just bulldozes through any awkwardness with his loud personality, and Qui-Gon seems to know exactly what Obi-Wan needs. A towel. His phone. A reassurance not to worry about Obi-Wan's friend's personal effects because Qui-Gon has already thought to ask a security guard to watch over their table.

Something about Obi-Wan must really make an impression because Anakin and Qui-Gon find ways to worm their way into Obi-Wan's life. Qui-Gon likes to stop by Obi-Wan's shop during the lunch hour to whisk Obi-Wan off to a fancy date. Anakin, who is actually older than Obi-Wan initially guessed (but not by much), is finishing up school to be a pilot, so he spends afternoons doing homework in the bookstore.

Obi-Wan is reluctant to believe it at first, but gradually, as weeks bleed into months, and months into years, Obi-Wan realizes that they are invested.

They each have their preferred sleeping positions in bed at this point (Anakin always wants to be in the middle). Qui-Gon has even become a business partner as he generously lends out the club space during the day for Obi-Wan to use for larger events that don’t fit in the bookstore, signings and club meetings and drag queen readings for kids. And every time he's home between flights, Anakin barrels through their lives like a hurricane, sexually and in other ways. The gifts he brings back from other cities are becoming too numerous to count in their new shared home.

Obi-Wan realizes he doesn't need a ring or a formal marriage to know that he's found his people. And maybe the matching tattoos the three of them get represent that promise. A stylized bird rising into the air, its wings spread to form the shape of a circle. Together forever, Anakin had promised. And without Obi-Wan consciously realizing it, he slowly comes see how Anakin and Qui-Gon have taken a palette to Obi-Wan's cookie cutter life and painted it in brilliant swathes of color. Together forever, Obi-Wan thinks to himself.

In the end, he gets his fairy tale ending.

------

Ho boy, where did my mind go this week? I originally just wanted to write the tag-team club pick up, but then my mind went to bookstores and fairy tales and color metaphors. WOOPS!

ALSO: Yes, it's Qui-Gon that buys Anakin the shot. It's their little play, if Anakin drinks it there, he wants Qui-Gon to come over. If he's bored, he'll take it and walk away to enjoy in Qui-Gon's lap hehe

Anyways, hope you enjoyed!

#quiobiani #quiobi #quiani #obikin #headcannons that are eating me alive #drabbles #mischievouschan4 writes #wip wednesday #OT3 #rarepairs #age difference #smut #club!AU #he's a bookworm your Honor #but like slutty Anakin and suave businessman Qui-Gon #HNNGGGG #quiobikin

[just-some-gt-trash]

Blessed, cursed, or both?

AN: I am alive, shoutout to that one anon who worried about me.

This is my gift for @glacierruler for the @sanderssidesgiftxchange

I am so sorry for the delay, my school's stupid platform registered a bunch of mine and other classmates grades incorrectly and we spent the holidays making sure it was fixed, but here it is! Hope you like it c:

Summary: After his first day in a new school sucked as much as expected, Virgil is sure his day can't get any worse, until it does. At least there were two very weird but familiar individuals to keep him from dying, even if it meant they dragged him to a confusing investigation afterwards.

CW: explosions, near death experiences, swearing.

WC: 2866

————————————————————————————————————————————

The walk home was longer than Virgil imagined. Yet again, any walk would seem to last an eternity to anyone on a new town.

Virgil's old school was perfect, as perfect as a high school could be, but at least it was perfect for him. A robotics and chemistry lab left practically all for himself was clearly the biggest appeal, but his classmates and teachers were nice too. The cafeteria food was the only thing Virgil could actually complain about.

Here, at one of the biggest cities in his country, one would believe the public schools would be quite well funded and have a lot of resources. It sounded like such a stupid mindset now that Virgil went to his earlier thoughts again.

His new school was a nightmare, almost an abandoned building. The chemistry lab, which also worked as a computer lab, was occupied by boxes full with old participation trophies and books that probably still had slurs written on their pages.

And if that wasn't ad enough already, his classmates were all dicks. No one cared enough about anyone but themselves to mind if they bumped with someone in the hallway or made them drop their books on the way to their locker.

"They're just surviving, you'll learn to do it too... eventually"

Those words kept repeating on Virgil's head, he didn't even know the name of the person decent enough to help him. Surviving... that shouldn't be an excuse for being an asshole.

Lost in his thoughts, Virgil almost didn't hear the giggles and laughs coming from the other side of the street.

Virgil looked back, spotting what appeared to be a fucking mansion, no, it was more like one of those rich neighborhoods with the clean white houses. Only it wasn't that, it was a school.

Oh great, he had fallen into the falling to crumbs public school and Olympus worthy private school stereotype hadn't he?

Virgil could actually feel the sun shinning bright above the fancy campus, despite the rest of the city being covered by storm clouds.

Moving on, back to going home... wait.

Taking a couple of steps back, Virgil realized the clouds actually did seem to part above the school.

Virgil looked over at the buildings surrounding it, grey sky, then back at the school, blue sky.

Well that was definitely not norm-

BOOM

An explosion.

Sure, add an explosion almost fucking KILLING him to te worst day of his life, why not?

Almost killing him... why wasn't he dead?

As Virgil opened his eyes, he could once again see that blue sky that filled his head with so many questions, and then he looked down only to e greeted with a set of perfect white teeth.

"Do not worry innocent citizen, the great Starbolt has saved you from disaster!"

Virgil could barely see this man's, Starbolt he said? Face with the sun shining behind him and the breeze blown his hair to his eyes.

Breeze?

Looking down, way down, Virgil could barely see the floor.

"HOLLY SHIT!" Virgil could only scream. He was flying! Actually flying! Well, Starbolt was, while carrying him. This man was making Virgil fucking fly with him.

boom

Another explosion, further into the city.

"Well, have to take this one." Was the only warning Virgil got from Starbolt before being dropped who knew how many feet off the air.

This time he couldn't even scream. Virgil was really screwed up now, and the sun had once again disappeared so there weren't any shadows where he could-

And then the floor stopped getting closer, Virgil felt a new pair of arms holding him and sure enough, someone caught him.

Seriously could death stop taunting him for only five minutes?

"Hey, you're the emo kid."

Virgil looked up, at this man's face, meeting a pair of bright red eyes. He's seen those eyes before... this person was at school earlier today.

"Um... hi?"

A smile Virgil could only describe as unsettling replied to him. "Welcome to the city, you won't die if you're lucky enough to have me around, not so much if you bump into those assholes over there though." He pointed to the sky, not before slapping a fucking boulder away with his bare hand, making it break around them.

Virgil looked to where his classmate was pointing. Another person floated alongside Starbolt as they lifted people away from the explosions.

It was then when he really took a look at both of them. Starbolt wore a mainly white suit with red and golden accents. A golden "S" resembling a lightning decorated his chest, and a red cape blew with the wind as the superhero flew. The look was tied together with a red mask only covering his green eyes.

The other one, whose name Virgil didn't know, somehow matched with Starbolt while still standing out as his own person. He wore a baby blue suit with white swirls decorating it, a pink scarf acted as a mask that covered his face lower half while the ends blew behind him like Starbolt's cape, and a pair of pink ballet shoes. Taking a better look at him made Virgil realize he wasn't actually flying, but jumping higher up than humanly possible.

Virgil's thoughts were interrupted once again by his classmate's voice

"Aaand, up you go"

"Wait wha-" Virgil couldn't finish his sentence before his classmate tossed him back up in the air, only to be caught again by Starbolt.

Virgil held tightly onto the man's shoulders as they landed, a crowd formed around them as the people clapped and cheered.

"Thank you, thank you. No need to clap really." Starbolt landed and let Virgil down on the ground safely, "I can't take all the credit, right Blaze?"

Blaze landed right next to them, Virgil couldn't see his face but could still tell he was smiling. "We did a great job!" Blaze eagerly mentioned as he highfived Starbolt, "You don't need to be modest about it"

Virgil was left standing between the two heroes. There were a million questions in his head and he couldn't even get a word out. So many things happened all at once and his mind was still trying to process it.

A buzzing sound and... a voice? Came out from an earphone both heroes were wearing, but Virgil wasn't close enough to understand the words.

Without even looking at each other, as if they were connected telepatically or something, both heroes bowed to the crowd around them and took off. Virgil watched as they flew and jumped away respectively.

Great, now what?

"You survived, awesome"

"Ah!" Was the only noise Virgil could let out after his classmate surprised him once again. "Not thanks to you and your friends"

"Pff, those guys? Nah we're not together. I just make sure they don't kill half the city's population with their neglect. Starbolt thinks he was quick enough to drop you, go and save more emo teenagers and come back before you splatted on the concrete and became a puddle of blood and broken bones."

Virgil rolled his eyes, "Thanks for that image."

His classmate smiled, "Don't mention it."

"Shouldn't you be like, all dressed up and protecting your identity or whatever?" Virgil asked, as he made his way back to the sidewalk.

"It's not like anybody pays attention to us, we're invisible. The only reason you recognized me it's because we go to the same school, but you clearly don't even know my name"

Virgil stopped and turned around to look at his classmate eye to eye, deciding to ignore the fact that he had to look up to actually do that. "Can you blame me? I just moved in and your school is full of douchebags who don't care about anyone but themselves. Do you know my name?"

He shrugged, "maybe I know, maybe I don't. I'll find out, we have our ways."

"Who's we?" Asked Virgil, "you keep saying that"

His classmate grinned and pointed towards the top of a nearby building with his eyes.

Virgil followed the teen's gaze, spotting another masked figure, a much darker one. This... hero? Was wearing all black, had a bowler hat a cape that matched, only his green half phantom of the opera style mask stood out from the darkness surrounding him.

Virgil could swear they made eye contact before the figure disappeared between the clouds.

"Welp, gotta run Virge." The teen announced, causing Virgil to shift his attention back to him. "Nice keeping you from becoming a resident in hell!"

"Wait so you did..." Aaand he was gone, "...know"

Whatever, it's not like Virgil cared that much, he had other stuff to worry about.

Stuff that kept Virgil's superhero encounter in the back of his mind the rest of the day, the next morning, and even halfway through the school day. And it would have stayed that way if it wasn't for-

"Hey VV!"

That.

Virgil gripped the sides of his lunch tray as he turned around and sure enough, there he was, same guy from yesterday.

He tried to ignore him, but it was hard considering the school's cafeteria was hardly double the size of a regular classroom. Even being at opposite sides of the room, they were still close enough to clearly notice each other.

Virgil sighed, it couldn't be worse than eating by himself. He walked over the table where his classmate was sitting, squeezing through a crowd of teenagers trying not to ruin his food.

His classmate smiled, "glad to know you haven't died since we last saw each other."

"Could tell you the same thing." Virgil replied wit a sarcastic tone, "are you going to tell me your name now or am I going to be kept in the dark forever?"

"Mmm, I don't know. I like the mystery surrounding me"

"Please, there's nothing mysterious about you Remus"

Virgil turned around as another voice interrupted them.

"Whyyy do you haaave to ruin my fuuun?" Remus complained as the third person sat next to him.

"Telling the truth is not ruining your fun dear."

That voice... "It's you, the guy who helped me yesterday."

Virgil managed to catch his attention, "I am. No need to thank me or anything."

"And don't call them a guy," Remus chimed in, "they them pronouns for this handsome please."

"Or just Janus, some people are too stubborn to care about anyones identity."

"Right, sorry." Virgil apologized.

Remus wrapped his arms around Janus, kissing his cheek multiple times in an almost aggressive way. That's when Virgil caught on, they were dating. "I can... go and leave you two alone if you want."

"Please don't" Janus put their hand between their cheek and Remus' lips. "Maybe with you here this scumbag will have some shame and stop being so publicly affectionate."

Remus grinned, "not a chance."

Janus rolled their eyes, "I'll keep him in line. Take a seat Virgil."

Virgil did as instructed, "for people who just care about surviving, it seems like everyone around him knows my name."

"I said other people don't care," Janus corrected. "We're the exception that makes the rule."

"Right, and do you know your boyfriend is going around the city showing everyone his inhuman strength?"

Remus snickered, "boyfriend is a strong word. We're barely friends with benefits"

Virgil almost chocked on his food as he swallowed, "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to assume I just-"

"He's joking." Janus interrupted, slapping Remus' hand as if they were reprimanding a little kid.

"You know you love me"

"And to answer your question," Janus looked back at Virgil, "I know. This idiot doesn't even try to cover his identity when cleaning those so called heroes' mess"

Remus groaned, "what's the point? It's not like they ever give credit or even say thank you."

"What is up with them anyway? Starbolt and Blaze?" Virgil's curiosity couldn't be ignored anymore, he had a million questions and couldn't figure out how to even begin asking them. "I didn't realized I was moving to Gotham."

That comment got a chuckle out of Janus. "At least Batman does his job right, those bastards are faker than-"

"My virginity!" Remus interrupted.

"Sure, that works." Janus sighed and took a bite out of an apple they had grabbed earlier. "We're pretty sure it's all staged, doesn't mean they're not putting innocent people's lives at risk."

"I think the clouds hide their wires" Remus said before slurping the last of his carton juice.

Virgil couldn't help but shake his head, "that would be true if they didn't open up around them."

Janus raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Remus. "What are you talking about?"

Virgil looked up rom his food, "haven't you noticed? They attract the sun beams or something."

"Maybe because yesterday was sunny?" Remus asked, his tone made Virgil think they thought he was joking.

"No... the only moment I've seen the sun since I got him was when I was in Starbolt's arms."

The couple looked at each other, confused.

Janus stood up and walked around the table, grabbing Virgil's hand without warning and pulling him up.

"W-wait wha-"

"Shh, just come with me."

Virgil pulled his hand out of Janus' grip, "I'm not going to be dragged away by someone I barely know without an explanation."

"Fine, you don't want to be dragged." Remus spoke from behind him.

Virgil turned around in time for Remus to grab him and carry him over his shoulder.

"P-Put me down!" Virgil struggled in Remus' grip to no avail. This guy really had superhuman strength.

Virgil's demands were ignored as Remus carried him around school. He gave up by the time they arrived to the main entrance.

Janus opened one of the schools front doors, "how's the climate today?"

"I would gladly tell you if Remus would let me down so I could look outside."

"No need!" Remus turned around so Virgil could answer without having to put him down.

Virgil sighed, he might as well answer and get this over with.

He looked up, a bunch of dark storm clouds made it impossible to actually look at the sky. Thunder and lightning accompanied the heavy rain, how come they coulnd't hear all this nose from inside?

"There's a storm" Virgil answered, plain and simple. "Will you let me down now?"

Janus looked up at the sky, "you're seriously not messing with me?"

Virgil groaned, "why would I be messing with you? It's right there."

Janus looked back at Virgil, then at their partner, making a sign to step out of the school.

Remus did as Janus signed, taking Virgil out in the storm with him.

"W-w-wait no! You don't know how bad my hair gets with humidity! The last thing I need is people making fun of..."

Virgil looked over at Remus, who remained completely dry under the rain. Virgil on the other hand, was already soaking wet after just a few seconds of being carried under the rain, "what?"

"Huh" Janus' face couldn't hide their surprise. They pulled Remus and Virgil back into the building.

Remus finally let Virgil down.

"What was that about? He's not only super strong but also waterproof?" Virgil squeezed the water from his sleeves and tried to fix his hair as he complained.

"He's not. There wasn't any storm outside, I thought you were joking but looking at you now... something else is going on here."

"No shit Sherlock" Virgil rubbed his face, accidentally smearing his eyeshadow.

Remus sighed, "you treat this like joke, but it's something serious. If sunbeams were following those assholes around that means they have something to do with this!"

Virgil shrugged, "why does that concern me? You and your mr. Black cape friend are the ones cleaning their mess, not me."

The three teens were getting annoyed at this point.

"It concerns you because you're the only one who can see what's happening" Janus explained.

"And that is not my fault. Go and ask anybody else if they can see the fucking storm becase I'm not getting myself involved in this craziness!" The lights flickered as Virgil lost control. He took a deep breath, he needed to calm down and just let everything go before anything suspicious happened and he had to flee again.

Janus looked up at the lights, then back as Virgil. This guy was nervous about something. "Look, we're not going to deep dive into why you have this ability if you don't want us to but we need your help."

Virgil crossed his arms, looking at his classmates as he analyzed his situation.

"It's up to you, but remember I can keep carrying you anywhere we want" Remus shrugged.

Virgil sighed, "and then you'll leave me alone?"

Janus nodded, "we will."

"Fine then," Virgil caved in. "What do you want me to do?"

#open endings my beloved #does this mean I'm back #i sure hope so #sanders sides #my writing #non gt #superhero au #virgil sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #anxiety sanders #deceit sanders #dark creativity sanders #light sides mention #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #ts virgil #ts deceit #ts remus #sanderssidesgiftxchange

[popculturebuffet]

More Than Meets the Eye Retrospective: Shadowplay (Issues 9 through 11) (Patreon review for Brotoman.exe)

Hello all you happy autobots and welcome back to my look at more than meets the eye, long delayed due to a lot of scheduling delays, a draining move, and general shenanigans. But it's finally time for us to take a look at Shadowplay.

Shadowplay is easily one of the most important arcs of MTMTE, not only seting up a lot of character backstory, but also fully establishing Roberts vision of Cybertron past that he dabbled with back in Chaos Theory, a place where the senate is corrupt, the Decepticons are slowly planning a coup that will sadly turn from righteous rebellion into nightmarish dictatorship not unlike what they replaced, and functionism lingers in the background. And at the first time I read this arc..

While I liked it well enough, being a tense story that characterized Optimus well and gave him spotlight at a time when he wasn't in any of the comics on a regular basis, it still felt a bit like a neat side tangent.

I've come around since then for a number of reasons: The first is, especially on re-read this arc is REALLY good and in a continuity where Optimus didn't get to shine that often, it's another character piece that makes me sad he never joined the lost light. He got to lead but this really gets to who he is as a character and shows him at his best. It also has plenty of nice depths for the autobots featured, and seeing who they were pre-war really adds some layers and shows just what the war did to each and every one. The other is simple: I was reading the story for the first time. And sometimes something extraneous at the time ends up being important. In this case both how cybertron used to be is vital to the future of those who left it behind. So with that's lets do a little shadowplay and see how the past will ultimately nearly destroy the future...

Content Warning: Self Harm and Suicide Is Discussed

We open in pre war cybertron, some time after the last time we saw it in chaos theory. The Decpticon movement in in full swing, and two bots are discussing the recent clampdown, basically a bunch of curfews and othe rnonsense to try and fight back against them. But one of these bots, Nightbeat isn't remotely convinced this will work while his buddy Quark

Sadly not that one, is paranoid about it and assumes they'll force Alt Mode Changes when they get in power. While they'll do much worse, remember this idea. It'll be important next season. As will Nightbeat.

For now though Quark's casually day drinking is interupted by some blood.. from a corpse hung above

Cut to present day at Swerves where Ratchet joins a group consisting of Rewind, Chromedome, Tailgate, Whirl, Skids, Drift and of course the man himself. Swerve. As for why.... well as put in the page image THEIR GONNA FIX RUNGS BRAIN. After everyone gets a chance to react in shock and disgust and this stupid stupid joke , (Minus swerve who isn't shown reacting and likely helped Rewind set him up), we find out it's not AS obnoxious as it sounds: Swerve is still comotose and Rewind brought them all here to try and fix that on Chromedome's advice. See Domey's figured out why our Psychatrist pal's still in his coma: His body is starting to function but he can't fully heal till his mind does. Hence this exercise: The group gathered here isn't random as it seems: most were involved in a story in cybertron's past, the same one from the cold open, each crossing paths with a certain future robot space jesus. Rewind himself wasn't, but has both archival footage and has talked to some involved, so he can fill in the gaps. As for Tailgate and Swerve.. well Tailgate is just a nice guy and was likely let along so he can learn more autobot history, and Swerve owns the only place they could do this session nice and quiet, only needing a closed sign. (The bar has been reopened it turns out. ). And frankly it's swerve: you think he'd miss anything where he'd have a chance to talk and crack jokes?

So here's where we are: Nominus Prime, one of the senators, was nearly assainated and has vanished since while the corrupt senate we saw last time is only getting more and more strained as the citizens, paticuarlly the aformentioned decipticons, are pushing back more and more.

It's here the first of our familiar faces enters: Chromedome. Dome was working in Mechaforensics, even had a diffrent name but for clarity's sake Rewind is having him use his current one. He's working with Prowl

Who while not as awful as present, still has a rod wedged up someplace uncomfortable, possibly a cybertronian voltzwagon. The plan has all the hallmarks of a decipticon: i'ts pointed straight at the functionist council building, their graffiti is on the back. It's bad. we then get a nice diversion as Skids wants to know Prowl more, as he's going to be a recurring character and all and we get Swerve naturally hurling a ton of insults at the asshole and as for Rewind..

I love how Roberts not only embraced Prowl's tantrum becoming a meme, but decided to just make it a character trait. I also like how both of them can recognize the exact sound he makes It's then time for Drift's story.. which is good because Rodimus is getting antsy. At the time Drift was a drug addict, plugging boosters into his head. Ratchet makes sure to emphasis WINNERS DON'T USE DRUGS.. mostly because Tailgate's present. At any rate he gets hassled by two random dipshits... and stopped by Optimus, aka orion pax at the time, who then procedes to badassily take them both out in seconds. With Drift, known as roller then, comotose Optimus takes him to Ratchet... .. and then procedes to play with him by having the known atheist say adaptus be praised. The two wrestle a bit and Chromedome sidesteps this foreplay by pointing out this dosen't make sense: Apparently Ratchet was already cheif physician> Turns out though Ratchet was also unfufilled, so when Optimus, being optimus, suggested a secret center for addicts since the council , like most goverments, cares not one iota off a shit if people with a serious addiction die horribly, he gladly took it up. It also fits well with his character: Ratchet is older so of course he's already even further into his career, he likes helping and he likes a challenge.

Once he saves the future Drift, he encourages him to make something of his life.. while Drift plans to simply go to a refurbishment clinic and donate his body instead. The present day drift then has to go before Hot Rod tries to rebuke his amnesty.. and that's only half a joke as Drift geninely isn't sure if he can do that and isn't keane to find out. As for what the clinics were, Rewind helpfully explains for Tailgate, who nicely serves as an audience surrogate here. He even has a helpful ad

I also love the repacaging of something most older transformers fans like Roberts would be familiar with and fond of, the g1 manuals, into something fucked up, i.e. an add for cheap and nasty body tourisim. We don't know where it lead but we'll find out later. For now though once Drift leaves... Ratchet finds out there's bigger worries to deal with. Pax gestures to the news, something Ratchet dosen't like already for being state propoganda.. but likes even less finding out Nominus has offically been declared dead. More disturbingly Ratchet realizes their cause of death.. has to be wrong. It's said to be a rusted fuel pump, and the rust spreading to his spark casing.. but his fuel pump was pristine when Ratchet examined him post attack.. and with Optimus already theorizing to ratchet in a past conversation that the attack was a false flag attack from the senate itself Ratchet concludes not only is the senate behind this.. but they now have the matrix of leadership, all thanks to sentinel prime who no matter the reality is apparently just the biggest dick in existance.

Optimus reassures Ratchet he's not crazy or paranoid: they did clearly do this.. and he has a friend he wants him to meet

On that note we're back to Chromedome and Prowl. And we get another lovely toy based sight gag

Before the results tell prowl their going to Transluctna Heights next, the cybertronian beverley hills. Silciate Palm Trees and energon pools.

We then cut to Ratchet and Optimus who are meeting with the Senator, the same one from the end of Chaos Theory. This still works even if you had'nt read that story, as to me reading this comic the first time I assumed he and optimus had met previously and simply had a history.. and they do as seen with Chaos Theory he's the one who was convinced our hero could one day be a prime. Ratchet is mostly here to throw off suspiscion, since the senator already used most of his captial saving optimus from certain death at the end of chaos theory. That added context will be important in a bit but for now the Senator confirms that yup they killed Nominus for having a fake matrix. The only reason the senator isn't doing anything is because he's smarter than that and knows having a seat is way more useful than wringing Sentinels scrawny tickish neck. Speaking of which, The Senator is genuinely scared of what's going on. Also if you were curious where Megatron was during all of this he is alive, they simply have him on an asteroid mining as killing him would make him a martyr. His mining assignment is, once again, naturally important for later.. just not this storyline.

For this one we close the main story with Chromedome and Prowl investigating the swanky, richest of the rich only district of cybertron.. only to get a body thrown at them.

While we close the issue starting our b-plot for this three pater as we find out WHY Rodimus was so antsy for drift to get there NOW.

Yup... and honestly... this is the rare case where I genuinely DON'T know what happened here. We'll get an explination shortly and I THINK that's what indeed happened.. but I can't be sure for a number of reasons I don't want to spoil. The point is Red Alert's dead and Hot Rod thinks Cyclonus did it.

We see a lot of blurbs and what not on the news. The most important two are Senator Sherma, whose trying to pass a decipticon regestration act.. and if you've ever read x-men you'll know that's a pretty terrible idea and prejudice to boot, while we also get a hint against ratioisim, which I THINK is supposed to be some form of functionisim. For those wondering , Functionisim is basically determining your worth based on your alt mode and what purpose it serves. And if that idea sounds shady, racist and classist, you can see why the decipticons exist.

I also really like Roberts adding these shades to the decpticons existnace: Their still bad people mostly, but I love the idea they sprouted from a genuinely good place. From an opressed working class lorded over by a corrupt senate. It's an exploration of the idea a movement can easily be corrputed. YOu only have to look at say communisim: It's not a horrible idea on it's surface and modled right it can be done well.. and when molded wrong under someone like stalin it becomes an opressive facist state, just as democracy can be molded into one just the same when , as seen with the cybertronian senate, a few powerful folks wield said power regardless of the people's actions. As we've seen with Optimus , Nightbeat and Ratchet there are PLENTY of autobots who fully agree with their message.. they just won't agree with what that message becomes. It's one thing when the message is "take down the corrupt police state we all hate", it's another when the message becomes "Peace through tyranny"... a message really not that diffrent from the senate. The only diffrence.. is Megatron just comes out and admits he's going to rule over you as a dictator while the senate lies and says things are fair while constantly stacking the deck however they like. It makes me really wish Roberts had gotten to full on write the reboot when it happened, but alas, it wasn't meant to be.

Back with the cop plot, Chromedome is chasing around one of the perps on a flying bike. I wonder if you can play card games on it? For now the chase dosen't take much effort as the idiot he's chasing goes into a narrow garage.. that turns out ot be a no fly zone, complete with the cybertronian equilveant of saftey glass.. and being cybertronian that means anything speeding blows up real good. Prowl is already doing what he does best: casing the room and being mildly dimissive. Being an authortarian cockballon comes a little later but joining the police is a good start. That said we see how diffrent he was.. as he ACTUALLY APOLOGIZES

Yes when he finds out about the glass he genuinely apologizes and hopes Chromedome is okay. In the apartment they find both red alert and a decepticon manfesto and shrine. The senator was a secret deciptcion.. and given what else we know it's obvious the senate is trying to clean house of anyone that would oppose them.

Back in the present, Rodimus has turned Perciptor's lab into a makeshift inergation room. And it turns out.. he's taken in Cyclonus for no other reason than he's Decipticon adjacent. That's it. This is pure profling.. and it also provides a really intresting role reversal. Usually when these two talk Magnus is a stick in the mud doomsayer who follows regulations as his one true religion, while Rodimus, hot mess he may be, tends to give people chances and think outside the box. It's essentially a wackier version of Kirk and Spock.

Here though that same adherence to order and regulation that often makes Magnus the butt of the joke.. makes him the reasonable one for a change.

He does.. but only because Drift is unlawfly interogating him. Rodimus is just rashly assuming because decipticon, while Magnus rightly sees he's bungled this whole investigation by unlawfully arresting someone who did nothing wrong, they have no reason to bring in. Drift isn't much better as we see a nastier side to him. While he's a former decpitcon himself he treats Cyclonus hostile and subtly threatens him.. and gets driven into the table in response. While Magnus DOES hold Cyclonus back... if you look at the panel bellow he's not hurting him or anything. He's only holding him to prevent a fight that would only make this more of a farce. And Cyclonus speech makes it VERY clear how much of a farce this is and is honestly CHILLING with the recknoning in police we've been going through as what Rodders did.. is really what MOST police did and many still do

It's a damming speech and shows what Roberts has masterfully done so far and will continue to do: Show that the Autobots, while the good guys.. aren't flawless. We've seen it in how human they are and how goofy they can be... but we wee here the less endearing sides of their humanity, the judgmental side and tencndy to fly off the handle. Cyclonus also makes a valid point: they think winning the war makes them absolute victors.. but Cyclonus, while not impartial, is a mostly outside observer: he AGREES with the decipticon cause, but really isn't one. He can see the self righteousness and tendency to see themselves as absolute right the autobots are devleoping, something festering even worse back home, and he sees the same system that required the decipticons in the first place slowly reforming. And we've seen this cycle: the senate replaces a corrupt mad man, they become corrupt authorarians. MEgatron replaces them, he becomes a power mad dictator. While the autobots have a leg up on booth..there's no guarantee they can't fall just as hard or fast , and this book will more than prove that.

At anyr ate Cyclonus is absolved as First Aid thinks he has it.

Back at the crime scene, Chromedome and Prowl are backed against the wall. Prowl hasn't fought yet so he's scared shitless, Chromedome is enjoying that but it's not really helping the situation.. but someone arrives who does

If you ever find yourself wondering why optimus is in charge.. well it's mostly on the heart and sense of conviction, but if your wondering how he stayed in charge and stayed alive.. this is why.

Prowl then.. yells at Optimus, not only assuming he's a citzen but just being a dick. Optimus then flashes his badge and is disapointed what he heard about Prowl was exagerated. Yes even OPTIMUS FRIKKIN PRIME, PRE PRIME CANNOT STAND PROWL SOMETIMES. Optimus casualy says that Prowls report on all this will just get lost, and Prowl hopes "i'll never be as cynical as you orion pax"... bud.. your already.. so much worse.

Prime plans to follow up but he's wanted ON THE MOON... and I love a job where I get to say that. He's wanted at prison, as it's time for whirl to enter the story. Whirl also gets defnsive when ratchet rightly points out why he's arrested when he tries to blame optimus: He tried to murder a prisoner in his cell. The fact Megatron is evil later.. dosen't really justify it at all, as we saw. The senate were using him as a pawn to get away with worse stuff.

But the fact is by this point Whirl has realized the senate used him, and took away his hands, with a really crushing panel of him admitting why he's brought optimus here beyond REVENGE

They took everything he was from him and he can't do anything to them, as i'm sure many like him can't either. But he can tell optimus there's a plan for a large bombing, a false flag attack.. and to catch the Senator in the crossfire. We also see IMpactor getting introduced as Whirl's cellmate. Naturally for the wreckers there first meeting.. is impactor beating his head in.

One of my faviorite lines in the comic.

Anyways we get back to Prowl and Chromedome , and we get a really intresting bit: Chromedome can tell SOMETHING'S going to give and wonders if they'll survivie it, and while prowl denies it at first.. it turns out as much as he likes to bury his head in the sand at this point in his life, he hasn't buried it straight up his ass like his present day self.

Yeah I kick myself in hindsight for not only not noticing Chromedome and Rewind were a thing, but that PROWL and chromedome were in the past. I"m still shocked how oblivious I was, especially since I picked this one specifically because LIndsay Ellis had mentioned the idw transformers comics had gotten queer. I've gotten better at picking up on gay subtext, intentional or otherwise, but it's still hilariously tone deaf. It's also weird to see Prowl.. actually be romantic. Roberts does the legwork the other book simply dosen't seem to care to do in making Prowl a tragic figure: Sure he's absolutely the worst and Roberts makes no real attempts to prove that. If anything he shows the potetial was there.. but this arc really hammers in that Prowl before the war.. was a far better person. He still was entirley by the book, but he opened up to Chromedome, his partner in both senses, didn't want a war, and generally had good in him. I made a cop joke before.. but Dome IS trying to be good police. He belivies way too much in a corrupt system.. but contrast that to the Prowl we saw in issue 1 and will see again when the crossover comes: an authoratian nightmare who sees his boyfriend trying to get a measure of peace.. and sees it as a waste. Who sees the end of a years long war as just a lull in combat. Who in his own book is carrying out black ops bullshit and stoking tensions between autobots and decipticons. Prowl had the potetial to be what he is now always sure, but he wasn't etched in that. Becoming an autobot made somes lives better.. but for Prowl it just caused him to double down on his worse traits and become an outright monster.

The fight is also just.. sad. Instead of talking through their issue.s. rewind just snaps. He just can't face Rewind's history with Prowl or see that there WAS good in the man whose caused his partner such pain.. but also can't healthily cope with it. Then again as we'll learn heathily coping is not something Rewind's really EVER done.

Back with the plot , Prowl finds out to his fury that Flatfoot, his superior officer despite the name, has leaked his report, proving what Optimus said. Things only get more suspcious when they meet Trepan, the head of the clinic.. and after Chromedome sense ssomething shady, the sinister needle hands are a giveaway, Domey incapcitates the guy and our unambgiously gay duo find the insittute: tons of robtos removing brain moduls, rewiring... even before he became a mnemosurgeon, Domey was already intrested in the science and thus can recognize it. Trepan escapes but our heroes take their valuable intel to Optimus, who had Ratchet and some others round up the good senator from his school for gifted autobots.

Optimus puts all the pieces together while Prowl bitches in the background: Domey and PRowl found a list at the clinic, that turns out to be a list of decipticons regestered as a polictical party. Turns out while Senator Sherma wanted it to LOOK like decipticon attack.. but not blame them right away, getting more cons to register.. then inittating ANOTHER false flag to make it look like the deciptcons betrayed them. As for how.. the how is utterly horrifying: they plan to BLOW UP nominus' corpse with a fake rigged matrix. Optimus' only recourse? They ahve to steal it We're onto the final issue and naturally Prowl thinks this is madness, wants nothing to do with it and is a right asshole as he flees, telling him not to let DOme go on the mission

Dome went to gather some of the senators pupils. I.. .wasn't remotely joking about the x-men comparison: Since the functionists obviously are baffled and apalled by beings who have extra talents beyond their alt modes, the Senator has been shielding them in his building for gifted autobots and brought a few to help: Skids himself is a super learner, able to learn anything in record time, which seems useless until you realize this means he can pick up any skill as fast as the flash and retain it unlike said flash. The others are windcharger, who has telekensis Kyle and Gltich, whose design I like a lot and who can mess up machinery. So in otherwords, Progidy, Hellion and Shadowcat. Got it.

We then break for a second as Ratchet examines rung and Swerve brings some old fashioned nightmare fuel to the party, which this being the comic that it is, is entirely real and requires gloves. When Chromedome worries about this eating up their insides, Swerve reveals this isn't rewind's FIRST session. It's not even his second. It makes sense though: this is a complex prospect and it's not unlikely every autobot here met Optimus at some point.. nor that unlikely that it'd fall apart, hence attempt 3 here. We also get an intresting fact about Rung that will be VITALLY important way down the line

We return to the story to find out this is what likely broke the two up for good, as Prowl, being prowl, just left with no explanation. They still need a full plan but skids having a mini matrix on his face, a religious thing back then the comic dosen't go into gives Optimus an idea: He spends Domey to talk to our good buddy ironfist, pre horrible tragic death. Being a massive fanboy even back then, he's more than willing ot help in exchange for getting his life sized model of Delta Magnus

So now our hero have a fake to swap for the fake. Before they leave on the heist though Ratchet and Optimus' Friend Roller Roller Da

An old friend of Optimus' on the force we just meet here but , say it with me "WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER". This arc could've easily been called "TRUST ME ALL OF THIS HAS A PAYOFF. ALL. OF. THISSSSSSSS. " And it does. One benefit of having to go over these issues with a finer tooth comb than my usual lagomorph lenth attention span allows is I catch just HOW well crafted this story is.

Anyways Roller hacked the system and finds out there's some weird stuff about the guy, a few charges, as you'd expect.. but also the fact Optimus isn't the ONLY person he's been grooming for this roll. Optimus.. dosen't care. He's not naive, he gets the senator likely has backups, and is with the guy not because he's truly buying what the man's selling on "being the next prime" and all that.. but becauase he's a good man in a broken system whose trying his damndest to fix it. A bit creepy sure, but someone he trusts enough to do this. if he didn't they woudln't of gone this far.

We get back to the present.. and it's one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the comic so far. And you KNOW that's already saying something. We find out what happened to Red Alert.. and it was suicide. Granted i'm still not sure it was entirely suicide or if the very least he wasn't pushed further by the knowledge of what was going on and the pressure of his already bad paranoia being kicked into overdrive. I won't know till he comes back. It's handled incredibly well.. including the fact that even now Rodimus makes it about him.. but in a way that just.. punches you in the heart. Rodimus takes it personally, feeling that if one of his crew is suicidal.. he shoudl've noticed. But the sad truth with mental illness is sometimes.. someone is just suffering so bad till they break. As someone who has had suicidal throughts... sometimes you just keep those to yourself till your already on the edge of it. What's worse is while they DID save him... Magnus suggests not putting him back on line just yet. He's understandibly worried given all the trauma it'll just happen again and plans to revivie him whent he misions over or at the very least when they have the time to help him. The results.. are just.. pure pain

Normally when rodimus asks this, it's clear he just wants a second opinon that will likely agree with him.. but here it's very clear from what happens next.. he just DESPERATLEY wants any othe roption, anything but this... and ultimately it's best for red to take a nap till they can help him... rodimus left utterly destroyed. Just the pannleing here is perfect.. it's clear Rodimus feels he failed... and the failures will only add up as the journey goes on. For now though we're back to the finale of our main story: So naturally for a heist the place their breaking into, the Primal Basicla, is super well guarded: any plane that tries to fly by deactivates, pressure plates along the floor to alert the guards, and said guards are trigger happy monsters with the orders to "take alive """IF POSSIBLE""""" which is code for

Thankfully thanks to said no flyzone the top is unguarded so they simply get to work: Windcharger lowers them down, Glitch shuts off the force beams, at great personal pain, and Swerve uh... uses his grappling hook to lower optimus mission impossible style. Hey at least it's a vital job. Problem is the things rigged. WOrse problems are back at base. For reasons unknown, Optimus decided to honor Prowl's wishes and Chromedome was left on sercurity with Roller Roller Da. The Senator assumes Optimus was being paranoid.. when who would it be at the door but hired goons

Who just burned down The Senator's institute for gifted autobots. Back at the heist, Optimus calls on Ratchet, whose roll now becomes clear beyond "Map guy": He was Optimus' backup plan: since he can't disarm the locks he uses reverse psychology on ratchet telling him he coudln't POSSIBLY unlock it in time. Ratchet knows he' splaying him.. but he's wrong and Ratchet does. He almost drops the matrix.. but thankfully Windcharger got bored and uses his telekensisis kyle to lift ratchet back up.

With the heist a success Windcharger starts slowly taking them back.. but Optimus, being twitchy that Roller hasn't contacted him JUMPS OFF THE FREAKING SKY THING AND INTO THE STREETS FAR BELLOW to go after him. Good thing too as he gets there before they can murder the senator. Sadly.. there's no happy ending here. Prequel and all that. The hired goons hold Roller Hostage.. and the Senator being who he is, agrees to go peacefully. The goons TRY to leave a guy for optimus to fight.. but optimus still has the bomb of leadership, hurls it and the senate covers it up the same way they covered up the academy. Gas leak. the silent killer. What's worse is while Optimus and Domey head for the instutitute.. it's already cleaned out.. and Domey also has a horrifying realization about the name: it's called that.. so people THINK there's only one. As he explains in narration, there turned out ot be one under EVERY refurbishment clinic.

So with that... it's all over. For now. There's no real happy ending... in the past. in the present though as the defcon klaxons ring... RUNG SPEAKS. This whole plan worked. Back in the past though we get one final coda as some creepy assholes plan to do the oepration on the senator, a complete personality swap.. a turn to logic.. and iwth that we find out just who this guy is.. and it's one of the most chilling, brilliant and tearjerking moments in the entire comic

Yup one of the nicest bots in transformers.. becomes a cold murder machine who will soon, or likely sometime next year for our purposes, nearly destroy all of cybertron. Someone who might of created a better future as Cybertron's greatest hero.. has become it's greatest monster. My jaw dropped when I read this and now having read dark cybertorn and knowing how the other side of this story plays out for him overal.. it's just an utter gutpunch. Even when I wasn't a fan of this story, I LOVED this ending.

As for shadowplay itself.. it's excellent. It's still not relaly one of my faviorite arcs, as it's one of the heavier ones, but the heist in the third act is great, there's some nice backstory shading and like I said that final twist is fucking phenominal. I'ts a story that only gets better as you see every piece it sets up for the rest of the comic fall into place, and on reread the red alert subplot fucking broke me. It's a great story Next Time: .. is in september, as I was SUPPOSED to take the summer off to do Beetlemania, which is now too far ahead to not do, but mtmte returns in september for an annual as Magnus takes the spotlight and a lot of stuff sure does happen. Thanks for reading.

#transformers #transformers more than meets the eye #optimus prime #ratchet #orion pax #prowl #chromedome #rewind #swerve #whirl #red alert #drift