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feeling-uncomfy · 3 years

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LOV HEADCANNONS BECAUSE THEY'RE SO AMAZING LIKE- A A H

[Half realistic because I really hurt my own feelings last time I'd rather not cry-]

[Mild sexual themes are included,]

First off, I just wanna say that when they move around from base to base, Kurogiri is on standby because Twice always forgets something. Always.

Mr. Compress has marbled something and then lost the marble, then un-marbled it only for the couch to be flipped because "oops I forgot it was big"

Spinner goes into hibernation like Asui during winters and didn't tell anyone to keep up his "cool guy" facade and almost froze to death during a solo mission during winter

It took three hours to find him, and he was buried under snow, half frozen, Dabi found him

Dabi is the Bakugo of the group, if that makes sense

He says he doesn't care but his big brother instincts are always there and he takes care of the league like they're his little siblings

Shigaraki and Spinner are gamer bfs. I don't make the rules

They met on a game before the league became a thing and ended up actually being gamer boyfriends, then they met and hated each other.

They were texting each other "I love you" while glaring at each other from across the room unaware that they were texting almost in sync

Twice cant sleep unless he's hugging something, and his hugs are to die for, so the league takes turns being his cuddle buddy and helping him sleep

Shigaraki only hugs Spinner because he cant out all five fingers on a single scale meaning no disintegration

Dabi has to literally fight Spinner into getting warmer clothes for winter

It's an unspoken rule that if Mr. Compress is sleeping, you have to keep the volume down, and try not to wake him up

Thia started when Toga pointed out to Twice that she'd never seen Mr. Compress sleep at the base, and he was always here

Twice made it his mission to keep Mr. Compress asleep for as long as possible during the day/night. And everyone just sorta joined in

Giran, I love him, but he's probably a pervert. And Twice, a loving himbo, hasn't realised that yet, we all know where this is going.

Toga and Magne went with Twice to a meeting with Giran and it ended abruptly when Toga slammed a knife down onto the table and Magne led Twice out because Giran was getting a little touchy

The league don't let Twice and Giran have much alone time, no matter how much Twice tries to convince them he's good

Also, speaking of himbo Twice, he's the first person in the league to meet Tokoyami outside of hero and villain work

Hawks got caught up in the moment, he was just so damn proud of Tokoyami and ranted to Twice about what had happened

Twice got curious and ended up accidentally stalking Tokoyami and ran into him in the mall while on a class trip.

Tokoyami was actually looking for Shouji(as mentioned the headcannon about Sho wandering) and ran into Twice, who found Shouji first

Tokoyami recognised Twice from the photos Hawks had of him on file and sprinted over

Twice and Shouji were just talking, well- it was mostly Twice and Shouji was listening politely

Tokoyami excused them and Twice lit up and talked about what Tokoyami had done and said he should be proud and Tokoyami was like "...oh- um-"

Anyways, Tokoyami dragged Shouji off and Twice went back to base, happily telling Shigaraki all about the encounter with the two of them

ALSO- Moonfish has never forgotten about the summer camp, or the flesh. Just saying.

Toga stalks everyone in class 1A. Mainly Uraraka, Asui, Todoroki and Midoryia. She stalked Shouji because she's still mad about the summer camp and Tokoyami at Mr. Compress's request

Toga sends them all letters, most are kinda harmless, some are borderline scary

Magne taught Spinner how to paint nails and do makeup and he puts it to good use after.. Overhoe

After that whole fiasco, Twice was completely blank for the next week or so. He barley left Mr. Compress's side, face blank and unmoving.

The league had never seen him so down before. So unenthusiastic, he normally bounced back from these things but...

Dabi got him to spill and Twice sobbed for a solid hour before being able to even breathe properly

Dabi hugged him through the whole thing, letting him let it all out

Spinner helped Toga through it, both of them closer to Magne

Mr. Compress hated his arm for the first while, because he couldn't feel shit and was too strong for his own good

Shigaraki kept a close eye on the people Toga stalked, for some reason

He himself left a letter to Midoryia and Tokoyami, Midoryia's was just a threat and Tokoyami's was an apology and an offer to join the league

Aziawa burned both.

Mr. Compress has accidentally stolen 1A kids before, totally an "accident"

Shigaraki and Dabi both made him give them back, but one time he actually forgot he did it and lost the marble

He assumed it was something else and un-compressed it only for Shouji to pop up in the living room

Spinner screamed and Twice jumped up and yelled about a ghost

Toga laughed her ass off and Dabi and Shigaraki raced to kill Compress first.

Compress assured them he could get the kid back in time and Shouji started freaking out because he was going to be late for school, even though upon closer inspection he seemed sick.

Shigaraki glared at Compress and Toga hopped up with a knife, and said she had an idea

So that's how Toga got into UA, Shouji was stuck with the league, before he could do anything about it he puked, so there really was no getting out of it

Dabi, Compress and Kurogiri took one look at the kid and went "fuck" and Twice almost puked at the smell(same Twice)

Kurogiri got Twice and Compress to go get medicine while Dabi went to get a thermometer and blankets while Shigaraki screamed about the carpet

Shouji was stuck on the couch for the rest of the day, and when Toga came back, melting back into herself, she flopped next to Sho and complained about the fact that a building was dropped on her

That made everyone go "nANI THE FUCK-"

Shouji just pat her head and went "Yeah I get it, you get used to it" making Dabi go "oh hell no" and plan a murder

Shouji didn't get better for a few days, getting knocked down by the sickness and once he was deemed "okay" by the league, it had been a week

Toga came home a little early, covered in blood and tears, making everyone jump

When asked what was wrong, Toga wiped her eyes and walked over to Shouji and went "You've been gone for a week and no one's noticed anything different! Do they really not care about you?!"

Shigaraki's head snapped up, Spinner choked on his cereal and Shouji went tense. No one moved for a while

Shouji stood up, said something about fresh air and walked away, Twice followed him

Shouji was in tears, making Twice feel awful and hugged him.

Oops- I didn't mean to rant about that, I'm gonna cut it off before it goes too far-

Dabi and Spinner dye their hair together, I just think Spinner's hair is dyed idk why

Twice and Hawks almost, ALMOST had a fling, but Dabi walked in and went "not today satan" and dragged Hawks away

Dabi doesn't trust Hawks, at all. Never had, never will.

So he snitches and tells Shigaraki about Tokoyami, and now if Hawks puts a toe out of line Shigaraki leans back and asks Dabi to do something, and all he needs to do is ignite his palm for Hawks to get the message

Tokoyami isn't oblivious to the threats sent his way, often when he sneezes random he looks up and goes "someone's talking about me-" and Asui and Shouji would be confused

At one point, Hawks had fucked up a mission and gotten Compress hurt, and during his next patrol with Tokoyami, Dabi followed them the whole time, and when they were in a crowd, Tokoyami was grabbed by the shoulder by Dabi, the news crew didn't get thr conversation, but they only assumed it was bad when Hawks froze and yelled "don't you dare-!"

Tokoyami was shoved to the ground and Dabi disappeared through a portal. Tokoyami was frozen, having heard the whole thing and was effectively confused.

Hawks kept a closer eye on Tokoyami from that day forward

The class did as well, all worried about their classmate

Stain, when he was around, often found himself following 1A outside of class, as he wanted to see who was considered a "hero" and who wasn't

When he was arrested, they found a list with all the names of the students in class 1A and 1B, most were crossing out, only a few were circled in green pen

On the back, it had those students addresses, with a "train the next generation" written beside it

No one wants to know what was meant by that. The names were not given to the public, but the school went into lockdown just in case

[That's it for now, they're all over the place, I know]

#boku no hero academia #bnha league of villains

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danganronpasurvivoraskblog · 4 years

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Sacrifices must be made.

Ah...s-sorry I’m late.

I’m here too!

Thanks for coming. We saved you a seat.

*Chihiro and Alter Ego sit down on a spare seat on the table. The other seats are taken up by Kaede, Shuichi and Yoruko, as well as Miu who just lounges on the sofa.

Is that all of us?

Not yet...Give it a few minutes.

*Eventually, there’s a knock on the front door. Shuichi gets up and let’s the person who arrived in.

Yo.

Oh, hey Setsuka...

I wanted her here to hear this, in case you were curious.

*Shuichi sits down at the end of the table, and faces the group, sans Miu, who is behind him.

Ok, so I’ve called you all here because I wanted to discuss the next phase of the plan...For those who don’t know what’s happened, allow me to recap.

The previous night, Kaede, Miu and I, along with the help of Mii-Yu and Chihiro’s Alter Ego, infiltrated the High Roller cabaret club, and we were able to find evidence of something more serious going on.

*Shuichi pushes some processed photo’s onto the table.

What the heck is this?

This is from a base that’s hidden underneath the cabaret. With this, I think we have two specific reasons for wanting to stop whatever he’s got planned.

From the information we found out, I’ve been able to piece together some information, and I believe I know what Kokichi plans to do.

What’s that?

Kokichi is holding a man hostage down there...The chances are, he’s some kind of programmer.

Down in the base, we found the empty shell of our robot friend Keebo. We tried to activate him, but it didn’t work. He was like a lifeless husk.

So what does Kokichi plan to do with him?

My guess is...He wants to create an Alter Ego, and then upload his Alter Ego into Keebo’s body. Why, I don’t know...but that’s what we’re trying to find out.

That’s not possible.

Why not?

Because I’m the only person who knows how to make an Alter Ego program. Yes, others have done it, but that’s because they stole top secret government research from the information I gave them.

Come on, there must be some way...Maybe he got his hands on the research, handed it to the scientist, and then set him to work.

If that’s the case, why did Kokichi need to bring in the scientist in the first place? If he had the research, then why not just make the AI himself? Mikado did it...

Yeah, but Mikado was a smart enough man and researcher that he knew what to do and when to do it.

But Kokichi’s the same. He’s no scientist, but he’s not short on brains.

Kokichi didn’t steal any research. If any files had gone missing from the Future Foundation database, someone would have mentioned it.

That’s why the man in question down in the base is so important to him...

Wait...so do you know who he’s holding hostage...?

I think so...To be honest, the fact that Chihiro is the only one who knows off by heart how to create the program isn’t exactly true...There IS someone else...

Who!?

...

Taichi Fujisaki...

!!!!!???

!!!!???

Taichi...

Fujisaki...?

Who’s that when they’re at home?

Taichi Fujisaki is an expert programmer who layed the ground work for Artificial Intelligence research...

He’s also Chihiro Fujisaki’s father...

His dad!?

No! No, no, no!

My father is dead! He died in the Demon Hunting Game just like-

“Just like Yuta?”

...!!?

To be honest, I didn’t know if it was possible...Yuta surviving was nothing short of a miracle, but most miracles don’t happen twice...That’s why I wanted to confirm it.

Oh...wait...didn’t you make that call to Towa City yesterday evening?

Yes. It was a call to Komaru and Toko Naegi. I wanted to ask them about the circumstances of Taichi’s “death.”

What they told me was this...The last time they saw him, they were about to enter an elevator, and then Taichi got jumped by a Monokuma beast, that attacked him, and supposedly killed him.

But the next time they went back to the area...his body was gone...

But wouldn’t the Warriors of Hope’s kid minions have just...moved his body?

I thought that was a possibility too, but then I thought more into it.

The Warriors of Hope had people monitor the “Demon’s” so they were aware of their status throughout the whole game...If that was the case, they would have known that Yuta washed ashore...

And yet they didn’t pick up his body...Why is that?

Because he was still alive and therefore didn’t need to be removed from the field?

Yes, but they would have still done it. Komaru Naegi passed out for a whole two weeks in Towa City when the game began, and the whole time, they took care of her in their secret base. I found that out from Nagito.

You really went into this.

This is more important to me than anything else right now...

...

So it’s true...? I-Is my father...still alive?

I....W-We need to save him!

Yeah, we sure do!

I’m down. May as well get him while we’re getting Keebo...

That’s the problem...it’s almost impossible for us to stage a rescue mission.

Why!?

I already got in contact with my boss...That area of the city is within Kisaragi Jurisdiction.

We can’t interfere in that area...

Shit!

Is that why I’m here? You want me to convince Tsurugi to let you in that area?

No, Setsuka, that’s not it...

I need your help...The only thing we can do now, is take what we can get...

We have to convince the Kisaragi Foundation to team up with us.

You really think it’s that easy?

I do actually...kidnapping, strange goings on, hidden areas where illegal deals are going down...That’s not something an astute policeman like Tsurugi can overlook...

And if that fails...We have a bargaining chip...

A bargaining chip?

...

Syobai Hashimoto and Iroha Nijiue are two people the Kisaragi Foundation have been after for years...If we tell Tsurugi their location, the Kisaragi’s won’t hesitate...

Sh-Shuichi!? You’re not saying we sacrifice them, are you!?

Kaede, the motherfucker kidnapped you, it’s what he deserves. Screw his happy ending!

No, I’m with Kaede on this one...Syobai and Iroha may have done some terrible things, but while they work with Kokichi, they’ve remained squeaky clean. We can’t just take that away from them.

I know I’m supposed to look for them and arrest them, but it’ll be a hell unlike any other if they get caught...Whether it’s comparable to the killing game, I don’t know, but what I DO know is I’m nice enough to not want to put them through it..

I agree...As much as I want to save my father, I don’t want to throw them under the bus to do it!

Same here!

Guess we’re outvoted then...

Everyone just calm down...I have no intention of throwing anyone under the bus...I’m just thinking about it logically...

What are you plotting?

The Future Foundation have legally taken hold of the investigation into other universes, more specifically ours where our 53 Killing Game’s happened.

Kokichi is a man from that Universe. Which technically makes him our responsibility. When we capture him, we’ll have to legally be the one’s to deal with him and the Cabaret from then on...

Oh! I get’cha!

Wait, what?

While Syobai and Iroha are wanted by the Kisaragi Foundation, Kokichi, who is wanted by US, is the one in charge right now, which means he takes priority, and thus we get priority over the Kisaragi Foundation...

Not only that, but because he was in charge, that means that the High Roller will become property of the Future Foundation. Which would then mean the Kisaragi Foundation wouldn’t be allowed to go there for business purposes.

Syobai and Iroha could work there, and they’d be untouchable.

That’s genius! Great work Shuichi.

Thanks...But at the same time, it’s risky.

Tsurugi Kinjo didn’t get this far in life by using violence alone. He’s a smart man, and there’s always the possibility he could see right through me, and even bring this case to court.

Right...and he has the sister of the Ultimate Lawyer working for him...It could end badly...

Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that...

Ok then...Setsuka, I need you to take us to the Kisaragi Foundation’s main building...Please...

Sounds like a plan...I’m here to provide whatever support you need...

Um...I think it might be best if I stay back.

Oh...really?

No, you’re coming.

Why!?

I know you and Minako have your differences, but it’s been a while since you’ve visitied. C’mon, everyone will want to see you.

Nrgh...

#danganronpa survivor #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #danganronpa another 2 #sdra2 #danganronpa 1 #dr1 #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #chihiro fujisaki #alter ego #yoruko kabuya #miu iruma #setsuka chiebukuro #the amnesiac and the alter ego arc

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whisker-biscuit · 5 years

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Harley Quinn is Not A Good Role Model: Chapter 22

Rated T-M for language and graphic descriptions of violence

Pairing: Dr. Flug/Black Hat

Summary: Dr. Flug Slys is a successful psychiatrist working at one of the world’s most respected mental institutes for the criminally insane. But this new patient is unlike anything he’s ever encountered. Flug is determined to help him, nonetheless.

Black Hat has other ideas.

Chapter 22: Wants and Needs

In the end, they couldn’t pin the prank on anyone. Too many students, too few indicators of who might’ve done it, and not enough disturbance to really be considered vandalism. To make up for the lack of arrests and accountability, the tour group was forced to leave immediately, and as they left the building their professor vowed to make the rest of the term a living hell for everyone.

Dr. Rorschach considered that justice enough, and Flug was inclined to agree with her. Bautista didn’t share the same sentiment.

“This is bullshit,” he announced two hours later in the security room. He, Flug, and their supervisor were watching the footage of Metauro dumping his glitter load all over the unsuspecting psychiatrist.

“Um, when you say that, were you referring to the situation, o-or the inmate with the bull tattoo?” Flug asked innocently, hands in his coat pockets. He was in a wonderful mood.

Bautista shot him a dirty look and gestured at the screen. Pink sparkles still fluttered at the movement. “All of it, dammit! How can we just let them walk away like that? I want to press charges!”

“There’s not enough evidence for us to do so, Doctor.” Rorschach responded coolly. She tapped manicured nails against her glasses, watching the footage with a barely-there glint of amusement.

“We’re a goddamned criminal institute! There has to be some way to make this stick to those kids,” the irate man growled. “I’m not letting a group of delinquents get off scot-free and just go on like nothing happened. They’ll just go on and do it again to some other innocent guy. Perpetuate the cycle.”

“I think you’re using that phrase out of c-context, Doctor,” Flug let his tongue loose. He couldn’t help himself. “And they’re not going unpunished, you heard their professor.”

“I don’t want their class ruined, Slys, I want their chance at this kind of future ruined.” Bautista folded his arms and glared at his boss. “Well? Are you on my side or not? That’s my workspace, I can’t work properly if it’s wrecked.”

“Of course I’m on your side, Dr. Bautista,” Rorschach said, still playing with her glasses. “And rest assured, I’ve already got people cleaning up your office. There’s no need to worry, I’m taking care of it.”

The taller man’s face contorted like he very much didn’t believe her, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Instead, he turned back to the security footage.

“Fine. Whatever. What are we gonna do about this inmate then? He assaulted me.”

Flug rolled his eyes under his bag.

“He’s been placed in a solitary cell for now, on Floor 4,” the director replied. “I’m planning to talk to his psychiatrist about his recent behavior and see if we can pinpoint why he lashed out like this. I’ve read his file, he’s been fairly docile and well-behaved up until now.”

“I want to be there for that conversation,” Bautista threatened, picking out glitter that was clinging in his lab coat. “And I want to decide how to deal with the inmate.”

“You are completely welcome to join us, Doctor, but as far as ‘dealing with the inmate’ goes, please remember that we are a professional institute. He’ll face consequences for his actions but we aren’t inhumane.”

“Bullshit, all of this,” the psychiatrist swore again under his breath. He spun around and stalked out of the room, calling over his shoulder to get the last word in. “Mark my words, Dr. Rorschach, we’re getting lax here about discipline and it’s going to cost someone. Mark my words. I’m going home to get this shit out of my clothes.”

“Leave is granted,” Dr. Rorschach said quietly as the door slammed shut, fully aware the man couldn’t hear her anymore. She looked over to Flug, who was staring at the footage and trying to figure out if he could sneak off with a copy.

“Dr. Slys?”

“Hmm, what?” He snapped to attention, embarrassed.

“I appreciate your help, but I think I can handle it from here. You’re free to go if you wish.”

“Ah, o-okay. I’ll just do that then. Have a – good luck with everything.” Flug gave one more glance to the video monitor in an attempt to memorize Bautista’s stunned face, then headed out the same way his colleague had left.

It was getting late and a lot of people were clocking out for the day or clocking in for the night. The psychiatrist wavered in the hallway, unsure of what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, of course. He wanted to find Martin, and Dementia, and share the pictures he’d taken. He wanted to see Bautista struggle and curse as he tried to wipe out all traces of glitter from his body – no doubt a feat that would take days. He wanted…

He saw Susie leaving the front lobby.

An image flashed in his head, of her shivering and distraught after being cornered by someone much bigger than herself, of the familiar haunt of her face as she fled two days before.

Flug knew what he wanted to do first. He barely caught her just as she was heading into the staff parking lot.

“Susie, w-wait up!” The psychiatrist called out, trying not to trip himself over the sidewalk. Susie stopped and turned around in surprise.

“Dr. Slys?” She asked, clearly perplexed by his behavior. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes – I mean, uh, just wait a second,” Flug caught up to her and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. He was pathetically out of shape. “I wanted to, hang on….okay. I wanted to apologize properly, for the other day. That was really, really not okay.”

She stared at him. “Are you talking about Tuesday?” At his nod, she clenched one hand. “Oh. Well, thank you, Doctor, but that really wasn’t your fault. Dr. Bautista is responsible for his own actions. I’m not – I’m fine now.”

He made eye contact with the nurse, who averted her gaze with her lips pursed. “Oh. I just thought, maybe. Um, I’m not making you u-uncomfortable right now, am I?”

“No, Doctor,” Susie said reassuringly. “If I was uncomfortable, I’d let you know. Don’t worry.”

“Okay. That’s, that’s good then.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a minute, thinking about what to say, both trying to look at each other without giving it away. The nurse cracked first.

“Do you want to meet up this weekend? For, coffee or something?”

Flug blinked. “Uh…”

“I was just thinking that we didn’t, really get the chance to talk on Tuesday like I’d hoped to.” She clasped her hands together at her hips. “That is, if you’re alright with it. I know you’re not fond of socializing with coworkers.”

“I’m not – what? What gave you that idea?”

“I don’t know, you’re always just so busy, you know? And I don’t – I mean, it seems like you never want to stay for lunch or after hours. It’s, uh,” Susie looked away, “there’s actually a bit of a bet among some of the nurses that you don’t like people very much.”

Well they’re not wrong, he thought wryly. Out loud, he attempted damage control. “I don’t mean to be rude, I just, get so focused on my work that I lose track of time. I’m not – I won’t bite, Susie.”

“That’s a relief, I guess,” the nurse smiled just a little bit. “So, um, do you want to meet up sometime this weekend? It doesn’t have to be for long, we don’t have to get coffee either. If you want to.”

Flug considered her, considered her offer. He thought about all the stress these last two weeks, from coworkers and circumstance and certain inmates. It had been a long time since he’d really gone anywhere that wasn’t job-related. And it had been even longer since he’d allowed himself to do anything but work, and plan, and stress.

“You know what? That’d be great, actually.” The psychiatrist said, tilting his head. “I’d love to get together for coffee. I’m pretty free on Saturday, do you have someplace in mind?”

So they made plans for Saturday and parted ways, and Flug felt a little lighter than he’d felt in weeks. There was nothing wrong with treating himself, he decided. Especially not when the prank had gone so smoothly.

It’s great to be back in the game, was the thought that flitted through his mind as he left for the day.

Flug didn’t correct it.

Friday came agonizingly slow, like the unassuming growth of a blister when one knows it’s happening but can’t take the time to falter in their pace in life. It pissed me off.

I had worked out my thoughts Wednesday night, yes, but that also left the entirety of the next day to sit and do nothing while I waited for my next unfortunate session with dear doctor Flug. There was one moment of that day, however, when one of my guards were made to leave their post by unseen circumstances for over an hour. He came back snickering and the two of them got to gossiping happily about some event with an inmate on a lower floor. I was almost tempted to snap at them for not giving me my due attention.

But I endured.

As one could imagine if they had any intelligence, Thursday evening was used to meditate. I needed – no, I wanted, I had no need of anything – to prepare myself for the inevitable indignity of either seeing Flug again, which would make him an idiot, or never seeing him from now on, which would make him a coward.

Human hypocrisy is so tiring.

In any case, I had plans for both outcomes, and as Friday arrived like the pop of that blister, I waited for our scheduled session to see what I’d be working with. It wasn’t long I had to do so.

The Dusk hit me all in a rush; someone was coming down the hallway towards my cell, and it seemed they had been very busy in the sinister aspects of life. I recognized very well who it belonged to, but it puzzled me greatly. I hadn’t seen Flug in two days, after I’d promised him his death, and there was surely no chance he had been so busy during that time to create such an enticing aura.

So when Flug unlocked the door and stepped inside, I studied his body language for signs of distress. He was…conflicted. There was clear fear in his visage at the sight of me, and his bodyguard was right by his side with a taser in hand. He watched me, the way I perched on my mattress, and I could see the chill go up his spine like a feather.

But there was also a looseness in his limbs that baffled me; a drop to his shoulders that suggested relaxation instead of resignation. And of course his Dusk, which swelled as we made eye contact. It gave him away completely, yet what it was that he gave I was not yet certain of.

Curious and unforgiving, I let him take the first move to dig his own grave even further. He obliged.

“Before we d-do anything else, I th-think we need to talk about, what happened. On Wednesday.” Flug stood by the door and kept my gaze. His body was tense in preparation for an attack.

I lifted one eyebrow but didn’t reply, waiting for the fool to make a deeper hole.

“I’m a-aware that you, um. That you p-probably hate me.”

“Hate has always been an underwhelming word, Flug.”

“Ah, well,” he wavered, “I would – I’m here to inform you that as of n-now, we’re no longer allowing physical c-contact to occur during these, sessions. None at all.”

“For my sake, or for yours?” I watched the way his fingers twitched. “I see. Do continue, Flug.” Bury yourself alive, dear doctor.

“Also, ah, from now on I’m g-going to stay on one end of th-this room with you on the other, and a guard will b-be next to me at all times. If, if anything compromises that, the session is over and I’ll, leave at once.”

“Is that all you have to say, Flug?”

He regarded me suspiciously. “…Yes.”

“No sincere apology for upsetting me again? You seem so adept at screwing up and then groveling for it.”

I’ll admit that I spat these words for my own angry benefit, not as a verbal attempt to dig into Flug’s skin or a physical attempt to cause him to error and be within death’s reach of my teeth. I was not expecting the flare up of his Dusk, nor the way his goggles reflected the light in a way that I couldn’t see his expression.

“I th-think you’ll be surprised to learn that I won’t, that I’m not g-going to grovel so much anymore. It’s – something I’ve been working on.”

“So it seems.” What had happened in the last two days, I wondered. What had bolstered this human’s confidence and encouraged his darkness when he’d been so determined to squash it down subconsciously.

I considered my options in this moment. I still very dearly wanted to kill Flug, make no mistake, and it was going to happen one way or another. But then I would be stuck here with no source of amusement until the time of my escape. And from what I had to acknowledge, that could be a very long time from now.

I made a decision then, that would change things in ways that I could not predict. I decided that so long as Flug behaved himself, and did not infuriate me any longer, then I would let him live. I would offer the proverbial olive branch, let him think that I had forgiven him after a time, and then play along with his game so that I could learn his secrets and extort his Dusk.

And when I was finally free of this accursed collar, free to do as I pleased just as it should be, I would drag Flug to this cell and tear him apart limb from limb, slowly and painfully, and then raze his precious institution to the ground.

Yes, what a satisfying end to my humiliation.

“Well, Flug,” I said at last, ending the silence that had clearly made him nervous. “It’s marvelous to hear you’re no longer such a sniveling infant. Perhaps now you will be tolerable enough to hold a conversation with.”

I felt the flare of Dusk and pride even as Flug gave no physical indication to my insult. It was hilarious.

“If that w-were the case, Black Hat, then I’m s-surprised you lasted this long. It must h-have been very boring.” The doctor bantered hesitantly.

He had sensed the traitorous olive branch, and was trying to reach for it. I smiled languidly.

“Oh Flug, you have no idea. I’ve had to get by with the meager slivers of intelligence I could find, and unfortunately that means you. It’s amazing I’ve survived.” I held the branch out, easy for him to hold onto.

“Boredom isn’t a c-clinical cause of death.” He touched the offering. “But maybe they’d make an exception f-for you.” He took it.

Flug was mine.

“No doubt Inspector Daniels would be happy to see me go,” I dropped out of my crouch completely, opting instead to lean causally against the mattress. “I wonder how he’s been doing.”

My doctor just looked at me. I raised an expectant eyebrow, but no obvious tells could be found off his body or his aura. Unfortunate but not problematic.

“Ah well, I don’t care enough about him to want to know. May he drop dead where he stands.” I dropped my neck backwards so my head rested on the mattress and I was staring at the ceiling. “On the topic of health, how have you been these last few days, Doctor?”

I couldn’t see Flug, but I heard his feet shuffle. “I’ve been w-well, Black Hat. Why?”

The tone was so guarded it was amazing the words had made it past his lips.

“Oh, no reason at all, really,” I hummed leisurely. “It just makes my heart happy to know my favorite psychiatrist is in such good condition.”

“I d-doubt that.”

“Doubt what, Flug? That I wonder how you are?”

“That you have a heart in the first place.”

A delighted smile danced along my face. “Look at you, Doctor, trying to learn my anatomy. I thought you were an expert of the mind, not the body?”

There was just enough silence after my statement that I turned my head towards Flug, inquisitive. He had this look in his goggles, one I knew well. It was the look of someone gauging how much information is worth leaking to another.

“You’re right, Black Hat,” he said after a beat. “I’ll just focus on my a-area of expertise.”

Hmm. That was going to have to be a secret for another day, because the doctor’s darkness was still heavy in the air and I was getting restless to learn why. But this mild back-and-forth, as entertaining as it was, would not yield what I wanted.

I remembered suddenly the commotion with my guards from yesterday, how there’d been an event with an inmate. Perhaps Flug had something to do with it.

“You know, I’ve been hearing down the grapevine lately,” I said in nonchalance. “That something happened very recently. A situation with a criminal, it appears. Are you aware of it?”

“There was an incident yesterday, yes. Just an inmate who lashed out. That’s all you r-really need to know.” The doctor tugged at his bag, possibly anticipating that I wouldn’t be satisfied with that answer.

I wasn’t, but it was not due to the event itself, which was lackluster at best. It was because I felt that surge in Dusk again.

“All I need to know? Please, Flug, it sounds as though the ‘incident’ has already come and gone. And besides, what could I do from in this cell? It’s not like I have access to the other inmates in this, place. I imagine it’s nigh impossible from this floor even.”

“You’d be surprised,” came the murmured response as Flug pulled at his bag again. He said a little louder, “it doesn’t matter, it’s imperative that we keep outside contact to a b-bare minimum or there could be chaos.”

His fingers were fiddling with his lab coat, and that creepy tint was back in his goggles. He wanted very much to talk about it.

“Surely there’s no harm in idle gossip. My guards already partake in it enough as it is.” Flug’s escort huffed air through his nose, and I smirked at him. “Come now, don’t be surprised. The two of you are loud as braying mules when you talk. It’s wonderful how much I’ve learned since yesterday.”

I had not actually been paying enough attention to know what was going on, but it didn’t matter. My bluff worked well, because Flug whirled on his bodyguard.

“What did you tell him?!”

“I didn’t tell him anything,” the escort raised his hands placatingly. “Lucas and I were just talking, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, it’s not – what were you saying to each other?”

“We just talked about how quiet that inmate usually is, and how it’s weird he just attacked Bautista like that. Nothing else!”

Bautista. I knew that name well. And I knew Flug hated him thoroughly.

“Isn’t it strange,” I began, careful not to reveal how little I knew, “that this inmate would do something like this? Such a pliant, goody-two shoes patient who goes berserk on a psychiatrist for no reason. Truly tragic. I wonder if he has permanent scarring.”

“The psychiatrist wasn’t physically harmed,” the doctor asserted, irritation lined through his body. “He’ll be just fine.”

“Well, sure,” the guard said quietly, “but that still had to have been awful. Traumatic, even.”

Flug rolled his eyes.

I blinked, surprised that he’d been bold enough to do the motion here, but then I remembered that humans have such feeble vision. It was no wonder he wasn’t afraid to do it; it was highly probable that no one would know what he was doing beyond those goggles.

Except me.

I was suddenly gleeful – here was the explanation for my doctor’s unusual behavior. He’d been struggling at playing nice with a coworker, wanted some way to get him back without sticking his own neck out. How he persuaded an inmate to do whatever it was to Bautista was still a mystery, but not one that mattered.

What did matter was that it had been pulled off without any suspicion towards this ‘innocent’ human. No doubt it bolstered Flug’s confidence, but even more so I knew why his darkness was a maelstrom today, why it pitched at every little mention of the event, and of me – the only expert of the Dusk on Earth.

This was wonderful. I had no idea such a sniveling creature was even capable of it, even on such small a scale. How thrilling. How entertaining.

How useful.

I would have continued dwelling on this new insight, except for what happened next.

“Alright, I’m done talking about this. You both n-need to be more careful, honestly,” the doctor pointed at his guard, then up at the ceiling camera. “You’re lucky the audio recorder hasn’t picked up either of you, if you’re doing this so much. It’s not p-professional.”

I stiffened, staring at Flug with the nearest to shock I’d ever show outwardly.

“Audio recorders? Aren’t cameras sufficient enough?” I tried politely, feigning a pout as if upset that there was more to hamper my escape.

“That’s right, v-voice recorders.” The doctor folded his arms, watching me warily. “So don’t – you should watch yourself if y-you know what’s g-good for you.”

I tuned out most of his words. Recorders. Meant to catch sounds and conversations. I had been screaming at that blasted bear neighbor for several evenings now, provoking him and openly expressing intent to harm my doctor when I thought no one else was watching. But someone had been watching, and yet Flug and his guards acted none the wiser to anything.

My eyes narrowed.

The session went on in contrived pleasantries, and Flug left thinking he was in the clear, or at least that I had no immediate plans to kill him. A half-truth, but one that would benefit me in the long run. It was of little consequence anyway, because I knew now that someone could be aware of what I was doing and hadn’t done anything to stop me. I’d say it was out of the sympathy to my plight, or out of the badness of their hearts, but I did not make a habit of trying to fool myself.

Humans, after all, are only outclassed in their stupidity by their inherent selfishness.

It was time for a new conversation.

It was frustrating to wait for nightfall, and downright torment to sit and play nice until the wretched bear fell asleep in his own cell. I estimated it was close to 2:00 in the morning by the time I made my move. I advanced to the center of the room and stood firmly.

“I want to talk to you.” I spoke into the darkness, loud and clear. “This isn’t a request. I want to know who you are and what you want with me.”

I stayed there immobile for over an hour, eyes trained on the door to my cell. I did not move closer to view the hallway, in case this overseer would feel intimidated and flee.

Eventually my patience paid off, as a single set of footsteps echoed louder and louder until I could see a silhouette in the window. The sight made me chuckle.

“My goodness,” I purred. “Who would have seen this coming? I must say I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t you.”

The silhouette did not shuffle from my words as I half-expected. “You said you wanted to talk.”

“That’s right, I did.” I inclined my hat, a gesture of courtesy that this human would not recognize. “It’s been brought to my attention that I have you to thank for leaving my nightly discussions a secret, although frankly I can’t imagine why.”

There was no response. Either my question was too subtle or this human had a death wish.

“So I suppose I’d like to know your role in all of this,” I continued, eyes narrowing to show that I expected an answer now.

“It doesn’t matter to you.”

“Oh, oh it doesn’t matter!” I cackled, delightedly provoked. “Of course it doesn’t matter, it’s not as if I’m the most capable force of nature on this abhorrent planet! It’s not as if I’ve been saying incriminating things out loud for you to monitor and report, things that could very well kill Dr. Flug Slys at the least, if not more people! No, it doesn’t matter to me at all!”

I dropped my head to wipe tears of mirth onto my shoulder. Then I looked back up, all pretense of joviality wiped away in the same movement.

“If it doesn’t matter to me, as you so disrespectfully put it, then I don’t understand why you came here tonight in the first place. If your only purpose is to mock me, human, then you’re going to suffer just as much as the doctor I’ve been placed with. And we both know what I’ve said about that.”

This time I saw the flinch. My mouth split open without humor.

“Well?”

“I’ve been…testing things out,” the silhouette said not quite tentatively. “Learning what gets noticed and how it’s handled. Little things. Weaknesses.”

“You can’t expect me to believe that without due proof,” I growled. “Why would someone like you want to look for those things, and why would you tell me?”

“Proof,” the human had the audacity to snort. “Isn’t it proof enough that I told you?”

“Only when there’s merit in words, which I’ve found to be most often false in dealing with your species.”

“That’s a fair point.” The concession was almost bitter. “But I don’t know how else to prove it. You’re…difficult to read, Black Hat.”

“You can prove it by telling me how we’re having this conversation and you’re not afraid of the repercussions of just standing here without authorization.”

“Footage looping.” At my carefully blank stare, the silhouette sighed. “Pre-recorded video footage can be edited over later time stamps so everything looks fine to anyone who watches it later. It takes precision to appear untampered, which is why I took a while in getting up here. So.”

“And you’ve been doing this for all the previous nights? I find it hard to believe a human can stay awake so many hours.”

I watched idly as the tell-tale signs of pride raised itself in the human’s posture. “That’s not the only trick I know, give me some credit.”

“I’d love to give you credit, human, but some things still don’t add up.” I prompted, quiet steel in my voice. “Primarily, I’m curious what you have to gain by doing this. Surely your job is not worth the risks you’re taking.”

It took several seconds for my question to receive a response – almost unforgivable. Finally – “I’m not doing this for you, demon. I meant it when I said it doesn’t matter to you.”

“Except for the part where I’m your test subject in these little experiments.” I dipped my head sideways. “Tell me, is it because I’m in the most secure part of this building and therefore the best place for your tests? Or do you just hate Dr. Slys so much that you’re hoping I’ll succeed in my plans to break him?”

“I –”

Beep!

An annoying little alarm went off, and the human brought out a mobile cellular phone to turn it off.

“I have to go, that means the footage loop is almost done running on its own.” The human pocketed the phone. “I’d ask that you stop plotting so loudly at night, Black Hat, but I know you’ve never listened to humans.”

“And likewise,” I sneered, angry at the time cut short, “I’d ask that you stop involving me whatever trifling plans you’ve concocted in that fragile little skull, but I know your kind is too idiotic to keep to your own business. So we’re at an impasse.”

My overseer took a step away, then hesitated. “You’re not going to tell anyone who I am, are you?”

“No.” I said truthfully. “As much as it pains me to admit, this is useful for both of us. I will not, ‘rat you out’, so to speak, but only if you don’t reveal my intentions to anyone.”

“Good.” And then the human was gone.

I remained where I was, listening to the fading footsteps and the night sounds of crazy inmates dreaming the drugs away. This was a development I had not been expecting, and not one I could control.

I didn’t like it.

A/N: Hey look I live.

I’m back in the game, baby! I promised March 1st chapter update and it happened! I’m so proud of myself hahah.

I promise I will never abandon this story, no matter how long it takes for an update. This fic is my child I love it with all my heart. Thank you to everyone who's still sticking with me on this! (Also if you see any discrepancies or weird characterization, please let me know. I reread the fic to get into it again but it's been a while and I'm bound to miss details)

#villainous #villainous au #asylum au #dr flug #black hat #paperhat

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foreverbeingthunderbuddy · 6 years

Text

Darling, Don’t Stop [b.b.]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: sexual attraction, um mention of nsfw

Prompt: “Who knew that this would be such a turn on?”

Summary: Bucky hires the law firm you work for to defend and represent him, though you’re just an intern and have to serve him during the meeting. You wouldn’t have come to work that day though, if you had known you would see him again later that week. In a strip club.

A/N: This is my submission for @hollandroos’ 12k writing challenge. Word count around 7,5k.

Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Okay here’s the thing. Life is good.

You’re not exactly rich or wealthy, there isn’t a day where you don’t stuff money into the little jar in your kitchen shelf to save for worse days and there isn’t a day where you don’t stop at the little pizza shop down the street for lunch instead of going to a real restaurant that has heavy menu cards and fancy, washable napkins.

But you’re happy. You don’t feel like you’re missing out too much. You have your own little apartment, your own bed, kitchen, bathroom and you never have to beg anyone for money. It’s not much but it’s yours.

You went to law school. Yeah, you know, it sounds fancy but it wasn’t. It was tough, draining and painful and made you want to quit every week but you went through with it. You graduated and felt good about yourself, especially when your family came together to celebrate your success. Saying you’re not proud of what you achieved, would be a lie. Who wouldn’t be?

But how it usually goes when one comes fresh from law school and moves to New York, there are no jobs. None. It’s like there are two sides of the world of work. First, you get told the world needs you, wants you, you get told you will have a bright future – “You ARE the future!” how your college’s president proudly announced down to you from his podium during the welcome ceremony, all puffy-chested and full of himself.

You believed him because that’s what people do when they have never seen anything other than high-school.

And then there’s the world of work’s second side, the one you encounter after you graduate and send out your first applications. The one that pushes you into the very unpleasant, self-doubt infusing territory called reality. In short: You have yet to get a job in the field that you studied for.

It’s sad. It’s heart-breaking. But that’s the way it is.

How are you paying your rent then, one might ask now. Well. In the daytime you work in a law firm as an intern. The direction Law Firm is great, the title Intern … not so much. You’ve been working for them for two years now. Can you believe? Two years as an intern?

Your contract ran out and because you did a good job, they asked if you wanted to extent it and seeing as they refused to give you a legit job where you could use your degree and there are no other jobs in sight, you said Okay. What else could you have done? You would have ended up on the street. And there is no way you’d be going back to your little home town and move in with your parents.

No way.

So the internship during the daytime. And at night you work as a waitress. Not a bad thing, one would think now and it isn’t. It’s the place you are waiting tables at though, that isn’t necessarily good for your resume.

It’s a strip club. Short and simple. A strip club. You don’t strip of course, you just run around and serve drinks. Maybe flirt a little, not that you want to do it but it usually pays off in the end. Literally. No other place would get you tips good enough to pay New Yorkian rent. And there is a lot of it to pay, that’s for sure.

So. Now that we have that cleared, let’s fast forward to today. Daytime. Internship.

You push a cart down the hallway, knocking on doors and handing over letters or files that need to get delivered. Yeah, you have to play postman in a fancy, marble-floor law firm. See what the problem with this internship is? You didn’t study years and years, just to do the dirty work. It’s boring, insulting and embarrassing to say the least.

Of course, you don’t let it show. You can’t risk losing this job, it may be shitty but it makes up half of your rent. So, Y/N, clench your teeth and smile and don’t forget to say “Have a nice day, sir!” or Mr. Nothing-works-without-me or whatever his name is will get annoyed with you and then you have to help move furniture again.

Anything but that. Last time, you bent down and tried to lift a table and the pressure made the backside of your admittedly too tight dress pants tear up. They were expensive ones, of course they were, you’re not allowed to wear plain jeans here. It pained you to say your farewells to them. They were some good ass dress pants.

Speaking of fancy clothing, today is a very extravagant day for your closet. Your supervisor sent an email around, making sure everyone knows today is not for the usual work attire (meaning pants and blazer). Your head lawyers have a meeting scheduled with a very well-known, very influential, wealthy client and you and the other female interns and assistants are required to wear your best skirts and blouses.

Or dresses. Your outfit just has to scream I’m unmistakingly female and hate gender neutral clothing, also may this bold outfit convince you to leave a nice review on our website and you should be fine.

Seeing as the general, daily dress code is set at Fancy, you find it ridiculous to dress up even more for a client, even if he is none other than Bucky Barnes aka the Winter Soldier himself, surely a bright entry on your law firm’s resume and, let’s be honest, fantastic press. You understand why he chose this particular company to represent and defend his public persona, your bosses have a pristine white reputation and a success rate over 90 percent.

How Andy Malton, one of two company owners, in his mid-forties, honest-to-goodness asshole, landed the job is beyond you though. His work partner and co-owner Benjamin Taylor is much more genuine and respected by his staff and the world of law. He should have gotten the Avengers as his client. Why did Bucky choose Andy?

Who knows. Anyway.

You walk down the hallway in your black pencil skirt and white and black-striped blouse – dear reader, you don’t even want to know how expensive this outfit was, R.I.P. my bank account – and park the cart near the elevators, so one of the delivery boys can take it down later. And then you quickly go to the nearest bathroom.

It’s 9:40, Mr. Barnes and his companion should arrive in twenty minutes and you are in charge of bringing drinks and snacks. Boring, humiliating internsh- ah, forget it. No need or time to get all worked up again, not now anyway. You would be extra annoyed if this was any other ordinary client that you would have to serve but this is Bucky Barnes.

You would lie if you said you didn’t have kind of a thing for him. Your wildly beating heart and your sweating hands would give you away anyway. Serving drinks and food may be pretty shitty but today it’s your only chance to meet the man you have been adoring since he appeared in Stark’s rows. You’re a fan. And you are actually about to meet the Winter Soldier.

No time to freak out.

You leave the bathroom and try not to look like you’re rushing as you walk to the elevators and see the catering cart already standing in the hallway. Someone from the kitchen brought it up here, so now all you have to do is push it to the conference room Andy The Asshole has chosen and prepare everything for Mr. Barnes’ arrival.

You reach two colleagues who stand by an open office door and immediately stop chatting when you near and out of the corner of your eye, you see their heads following you as you pass them but you pretend not to notice. Everyone knows about today’s special guest and who is assigned to assist. You. These people may be top of their game but they’re also very talented gossipers. And jealous.

You walk around the corner, knowing they will immediately start yapping as soon as you disappear from their eyeshot, and halt in front of the conference room of destiny. You know it’s still going to be empty but you’re nervous nonetheless. You take a breath and knock, just for good measure.

Silence.

Without further hesitation, you open the door and step in. As fast as possible you put everything on the right side of the long conference table, cups, plates, glasses, water, lemonade, biscuits, cookies, some crackers, apples, sugar, honey ... Andy really decided to go big today it seems. What an ass kisser.

When the table is set, you throw a quick glance at your watch – 9:55. Shit. You shouldn’t be here when they arrive. You check one last time that everything looks perfect and then you quickly leave the room and run as fast as your high heels allow it to your little office you share with another intern. You close the door behind you and press one ear against the door to hear if something’s already happening.

Complete silence. And then, “Hrhrm.”

Someone just cleared their throat behind you and you jump at the sound.

“You okay?” Alissa, said other intern, asks and raises her perfectly plucked eyebrows at you.

She is sitting at her desk opposite yours and from what you can see of her computer screen, it looks like she is not spending her time dutifully doing some kind of task for your company but browsing through her ex-boyfriend’s Instagram. You sigh. Alissa and her ex are two of the most emotionally confusing individuals you have ever met.

Broken up after a bad, bad fight, made up for three days, broke off contact and now started talking again, still insult each other through text messages but regularly stalk each other’s social media accounts to gush over one another. Or at least she gushes over him, you don’t know what he’s doing in his private time, all you know is, he follows and un-follows her in predictable intervals and “accidentally” likes every third picture.

Too confusing. You have long stopped asking.

Anyway! More important things to do now. Stalking the hallway, for example.

Remembering your newly-found, most important task for today, you turn back around and slam your face into the door to get a better ear on said area.

“Yup. I’m fine. Just … getting ready to do my job” You answer Alissa’s question and squint your eyes to get a better focus. Didn’t you read somewhere that losing one of your senses improves another one? Lack of eyesight for better hearing, that’s the plan.

You don’t hear anything out in the hallway, what you do hear though is a very unwomanly snort behind you.

“Sure. Getting ready to do your job. Didn’t know spying on famous clients is one of your tasks for Taylor & Malton. Is that part of your contract?”

“Ha ha. Hilarious. Would you stop talking please, I’m trying to hear” You retort and press yourself further into the cold, frosted glass.

Frosted glass! As if you were stung by a bee, you recoil and step back. Another snort from your colleague.

“I was wondering when you would realize that the door isn’t non-transparent. It would have been too funny if someone had seen you from the hallway, a poor shadow pressed against the door in a desperate attempt to stalk her celebrity crush. Bucky would have bolted before Andy could have even tried to crawl up his ass. Bethany and Brithany would have had two weeks’ worth of gossip.”

Bethany and Brithany are the lovely ladies you encountered while bringing the food cart to the conference room. They have solid jobs at this law firm which is naturally why they think they are the queens to your peasants. Of course their real names aren’t actually Bethany and Brithany but that’s what Alissa and you named them after they started a terrible rumour about Alissa involving her ex.

“I’d rather die than give Bethany and Brithany a reason to talk about me, even though I think they already are. You should have seen the look on their faces when I walked past them with the food for Mr. Barnes’ meeting. Jealousy doesn’t even come close, those snakes looked like they were about to combust” You tell her and can’t stop the devious smile on your face as you sit down at your own desk.

Alissa gives a short, witch-like laugh and goes back to clicking through her very bad, no-good ex-trash’s pictures.

“I bet. You should have taken a picture, I need a new desktop background for my computer.”

Before you can reply something to that, you hear a knock on the door and jump to your feet. Due to the biggest source of light coming from a window in this office, you can’t make out an actual silhouette at the door but you know who this is. You take a quick breath and open it.

Andy’s assistant Emily, very tight grey skirt and dark-red blouse showing more cleavage than covering it, stands before you and writes something down on her clipboard. Her eyes cut to your face, taking in your make-up then swiftly scanning your outfit. She doesn’t seem to find anything to nag about – thanks to your unusual efforts to look as flawless today as possible – so she returns to her notes as if she didn’t just check you out like the treacherous bitch she is.

And you’re normally all about girls supporting girls but if there’s one person to throw anyone under the bus if it helps her stand in a good light in front of her boss, then it’s her. Especially the women. If things went after her lead, there would be no women employed at his company at all because they could totally steal her job if Andy happened to take a liking to one of them more than her. Right?

“Mr. Barnes just arrived. Time to take coffee orders” Emily clips and turns on her heels to sashay to the conference room. Those heels look painful.

Time to take coffee orders. Bitch.

You throw a last glance at Alissa who watched the whole thing and who looks exactly how you feel.

“Just ignore her, Y/N, if they gave you the job you actually deserve, Emily would stand below you and she doesn’t like that. Who cares what she and her ostrich legs think” She exclaims and follows up her petty remarks with a sigh and a determined nod.

Those ostrich legs look more like she could model with them but you’re not getting into that right now – also why would you defend Emily? She deserves every animal comparison she gets. Except for the elegant cat analogies some of the advocates for environmental law one floor beneath yours have given her. Those seem a little too positive for your taste.

You give Alissa a thumbs up, brush over your skirt to make all non-existent wrinkles disappear and leave your office. You walk around a corner and see the conference door stand ajar. Muffled male voices can be heard from the inside. Your heart is beating in your throat, that’s how nervous you are.

Okay, Y/N, you can do this! Be professional! Smile, be friendly, don’t empty the coffee pot over Emily’s head! Make a good impression. Oh god.

Before you can turn around, run screaming to the elevators and buy a one-way ticket to Argentina, you open the door further and step into the room.

There are six people here, all gathered around the side of the table you prepared for them. Andy, Emily and a man you don’t know are sitting with their backs to the window front, facing you. You can see a gleeful smile on her face the moment you appear in the doorway. You decide to ignore that and think of a good way to take revenge after this is over.

The other three people have their backs to you, two men and a woman. Your heart jumps as you recognize Bucky’s dark, chin-length hair immediately, he sits in the middle chair and seems to be occupied with one of the water bottles. From what you can see, he wears a suit jacket (!) and you try not to stare at his metal hand twisting the screw cap back onto the opening.

This is absolutely surreal and you think you’re about to pass out.

The woman has long, red-blonde hair in a ponytail and you’re sure that must be Pepper Potts. You didn’t know she would be here, too, and it certainly doesn’t help your stress level to face not one but two of Tony Stark’s people. If the dark-haired guy on the left turns out to be Stark himself, you are one hundred percent certain someone will have to call an ambulance.

“Ah, Miss Y/L/N, come on in, don’t be shy” Andy suddenly addresses you and your heart stops a second at the unexpected sound and all heads swing around to you but because you don’t want to look like a shy wissy, you step forward and walk to the end of the table. Now you stand there like a kid on her birthday, looking down the board table at her friends, Andy The Asshole & co. to your right, Bucky “I’m Hot” Barnes and his companion to your left.

“Hello, nice to meet you” You say to Pepper and not to appear rude your gaze flickers to Bucky and the unknown man (not Tony Stark thank god) to include them. All you can make out from the millisecond your eyes rest on Bucky’s face are his piercing blue eyes looking at you. Your skin starts to tingle. His expression is unreadable though.

Pepper shows a smile that looks ten times more professional than yours. “Nice to meet you, too.”

You didn’t think you would ever hear that voice in person but here you are. Just don’t freak out, Y/N.

“Can I bring you something to drink? Coffee or tea?” You ask, suddenly remembering why you are here and glad about getting back at least some of your own professionalism. Your eyes cut back to Bucky and his are still on your face. Of course they are, you’re talking to them and taking orders, why would he ignore you?

He doesn’t smile but he looks attentive and you can see his gaze roam over your features. Can he stop please? It’s making you nervous. Oh please don’t stop.

“I’ll have a Rooibos tea. Thank you” Pepper says and pulls your attention back to her. You smile and nod. No, thank you.

“Latte Macchiato” The other guy exclaims and adds a vague gesture of his hand. You nod again and now that you have a full excuse to look at Bucky, you put on a smile that hopefully doesn’t look too needy.

“And what can I get you, Mr. Barnes?” You ask and anxiously wait for his answer. His eyes are currently resting on a spot around the area where your blouse is tucked into the waistband of your skirt. At your question he looks up.

“Nothing, thanks. Water will do” He answers and with that he turns away from you, shifts his attention to Andy in front of him and says as if that would explain everything, “Already had coffee this morning.” Andy nods wildly like that comment makes sense at 10 am.

While you try not to melt due to his voice, you swallow down your disappointment at his response and sudden lack of interest. The get-together you planned with your friends as soon as they found out Bucky Barnes would come to your company and made you promise you tell them every little detail afterwards is kind of ruined now.

The stories you wanted to tell. Original work title: That one day when I made Bucky Barnes coffee and he loved it. Now: That one day Bucky Barnes checked me out and immediately lost interest.

Welp.

You try to maintain your smile and nod, Of course Mr. Barnes, one coffee is more than enough for a day, and look at Andy.

“I’ll have a Caffè crema” He orders without looking up from his notes and is quickly followed by a sweet-as-sugar voice saying “Nothing for me, thanks. I try to drink less caffeine, it’s healthier and I already had my dose today.”

Emily never drinks coffee because she thinks it’s tragic for her teeth and it matches her diet plan. But of course she had to adjust her answer to Bucky’s. Of course. You see Andy eye her for a second, he knows she doesn’t drink coffee but before he can say something asshole-ish, the other man you don’t know orders a black coffee. Dammit.

Pepper starts talking and all six of them immediately go into business-mode, hence you cease to exist. Not once has Bucky looked at you again - tragic.

Okay. Time to go.

You turn away and leave the conference room, quietly closing the door behind you.

“Oh my god” You mouth silently and hectically wave your hands in the air before you get yourself together and toddle on your heels to the floors kitchen. You may not be a lawyer (cry…) but you won’t let them wait for their coffee and tea, that’s for sure. Great standards by the way.

To get to the kitchen you have to pass your own office and you see the door slightly open. You smile. Alissa may have acted like she didn’t really care about today’s events but she still won’t refrain from lurking. You rush past the door, mumble “Oh fucking god!” to yourself but loud enough that she will hear it and keep walking without looking behind you but you know she can’t resist and will follow you.

The “little” kitchen is actually a big open space with the fanciest counters and kitchenware you have ever seen, only separated from the outside by a room divider with stylish glass elements. On the counter stand two very expensive looking coffee makers and an espresso machine, accompanied by several silver kettles and some other paraphernalia that you haven’t figured out yet.

You fill water into one of the kettles and switch it on. You barely grabbed a coffee cup from one of the shelves when you hear footsteps directly behind you.

“Spill! I have five minutes before Taron comes checking in on the excel table I’m making for him” Alissa proclaims and appears on your right side at the counter. Without hesitation, you hand her two coffee cups and grab another and one of those big, fancy tea cups for Pepper.

“You know how to use Excel?” You ask and walk over to the drink machines of wealth. Honestly, you have seen the prices of these things and the only way that those numbers are justified is if someone glued a thousand bucks to the underside of each one. Atrocious.

“No, I googled it. So? How is he? What did he say? Did he check you out? Did Emily hit on him like the subtle excavator that she is?”

“Caffè crema for Andy, black coffee for Whatever His Name Is, Latte Macchiato for Not Tony Stark and Rooibos tea for Pepper fucking Potts” You say instead of answering her questions and she starts pushing buttons on the coffee machine in front of her. At Pepper’s name you see her hand halt its movements.

A moment of silence.

“You are kidding.”

“Nope. Bucky Barnes brought Pepper Potts as assistance to his meeting. Can you believe? Isn’t she CEO of Stark Industries now?” You open a different shelf and dig out the Rooibos tea packs.

“Oh wow. That’s so extra, I love it. Can we please trade lives? Can I bring them their coffee?”

“Nope” You declare and laugh, “I deserve this.”

“And? Is Bucky as pretty in real life as he is on screen and magazines?” She asks, being the nosy friend you need right now. There’s no way you hold all of this excitement inside yourself for the rest of the day.

“He is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met in my life, and I’m not being dramatic. I thought I would pass out when he looked at me and-“

“Those eyes! Am I right? Did he sell his soul for those or what? I bet they’re like … super blue in person.”

You snort.

“Super blue. Alissa, I didn’t know you could be so poetic. Must be the hormones” You joke and stare down at the tea cup turning a serious blood orange as you pour boiled water onto the dried plant material in the tea bag. Thank god, the kettle is high quality and only takes a couple of seconds to boil the little amount of water you filled it with.

“Hormones, might be. After you disappeared in that conference room, I walked out into the hallway and I swear to God, I could feel him. He walked down that exact corridor and I could still feel him minutes later.”

Both of you burst out laughing and you turn around to see if anyone is in sight but you’re alone. Bethany and Brithany would have a blast.

“That’s how manly he is” She ends her plea and changes cups to fill the second one. Meanwhile your own is finished now, too, and the tea will need another two minutes.

“Normally, I’d say you’re exaggerating but I’ve been in that room and talked to him and girl. You’re right.” Alissa makes a half-jealous half-satisfied noise and you take out a little silver tray and saucers and place the filled cups on it.

“Did he check you out?” She repeats her previous question and lets her eyes wander down your appearance seductively. You roll your eyes at her and put a hand on the counter.

“Yeah, I think so. For about five seconds and then he decided he isn’t interested and that’s when I became invisible, so... So much about that.”

“He checked you out for five seconds which is better than four and besides, what do you expect? It’s a business meeting and Pepper is present. She is his boss’s fiancée, it’s not like he can hit on you blatantly. Even though that’d be hot.”

You nod. It would. Both of you stay silent for a couple of seconds.

“It would make him look super unprofessional in front of his asshole lawyer and you don’t want Andy breathing down your neck, do you? He would never let you assist in the Barnes case ever again” Alissa says and puts a hand to her hip.

“True. God forbid there is someone who steals the show. I still can’t believe Bucky chose Andy to represent him and not Benjamin” You retort and give her a look. She raises her eyebrows.

“You don’t know Bucky, Y/N. He could be an asshole and you would still think he is the biggest sweetheart. Maybe he and Andy just clicked and that’s why. Although, I hope that’s not the case because if Bucky turns out to be an asshole, I’ll need a new object for my daydreams.”

You eye her questioningly and feel the corners of your mouth twitch.

“Strict no-assholes policy” She answers your unspoken question. You almost mention her very-asshole boyfriend that she is still running after. Almost. But you don’t. Instead you turn your head and watch the last droplets fall into the coffee cup.

“Ugh. Time to go. Pray for me that I won’t trip and slam the tray into Emily’s take-me-right-now face.”

“Actually, I pray that you do trip and slam the tray into her take-me-right-now face. Christmas and Easter in one.”

You laugh. “Shut up.”

You both leave the kitchen area, you balancing the tray in your hands, and walk to the conference room. You feel yourself growing nervous again. Also, was it always this hard to walk in high heels or did they change their form since you started making coffee?

Alissa doesn’t stop at your office but you don’t dare to look at her out of fear you could trip.

“I’m walking you to the room to make sure you don’t get lost” She explains and you supress a giggle. To make sure you don’t get lost, my ass. She wants to have an exclusive look at the current object of her daydreams. Who could blame her, though?

Pretending to be a gentleman ca. 1850, she lays one hand behind her back and opens the door for you, bowing as you pass her. You stop yourself from rolling your eyes at her just in time.

“Ah, Miss Y/L/N, finally. I could feel myself dry out” Andy comments your coming back and you walk to the spot from where you took their orders. Don’t look at Bucky or you’re definitely gonna trip.

“Oh, was that- I think I saw Miss Marr at the door, or was that-“

“No, probably just someone passing by” You quickly interrupt him and hand him his Caffè Crema which he takes looking facilitated. He doesn’t usually drink fancy stuff like that but you guess he wanted to make an impression on his guests.

“Took a while” Emily remarks like an angel and you ignore her. You were gone for five minutes. Maximum. Bitch.

“Here’s your tea, Miss Potts” You say and smile at Pepper as you put it down in front of her, “It will need to steep for another minute.”

“Thank you very much.”

You give Whatever His Name Is his black coffee and do the same on the other side, bending forward a little and reach out with Not Tony Stark’s Latte Macchiato in your hand.

And that’s when you feel Bucky’s eyes burn into you and you see the blue out of the corner of your eye. This position brings you closer to him than before and you’re relieved when the man takes the cup from you and you can lean back.

Your heart is beating in your chest excitedly.

“Can I bring you anything else?” You ask to cover up how flustered you are. For a moment you think you’ll get a No from them but then you see Bucky nod.

“Yes, I changed my mind. I’d like a black coffee as well” He says with his deep voice and meets your eyes and … did he really sell his soul for those? You would believe it. Trying not to collapse, you smile like a horse and turn to leave. You feel his gaze on you the entire time.

“Of course, Mr. Barnes.”

The door closes behind you and like a mad woman you totter back to your office, jump into the doorway, hiss “Kitchen! Now!” and rush down the hallway, hearing the same ungraceful sounds of high heels running behind you.

You throw open a shelf and grab a coffee cup.

“Please tell me he asked for your phone number!” Alissa exclaims and materializes next to you.

“No but he ordered a black coffee from me while holding intense eye contact.”

Silence.

“With every other guy I would have pushed you into the fridge for making me run in heels just to hear he ordered coffee but with Bucky … Tell me exactly what his words were and how he looked while saying them.”

You tell her everything and simultaneously realize you sound like a teenager who has never had a boyfriend but this is Bucky mutherfucking Barnes. Every twitch of a muscle in his jaw must mean something!

“You know what you should do? Write your phone number on the cup and see if he’s interested” Alissa says and wiggles her eyebrows at you. You scowl.

“What? No! I’m not gonna write my phone number on the cup, how obvious is that?”

“Yes. That’s the plan.”

She opens a drawer and digs out a fucking Edding permanent pen. If you write your number with that, it will go all around the whole cup and it will be very visible.

“Oh, definitely not gonna do that.”

“Yes!”

“No! Everyone will see it.”

“Imagine Emily’s face when she sees Bucky take a sip from a cup with your fat number on it. How funny would that be?”

Alissa means well but she often oversteps the mark.

“Very unfunny. Especially because I would get fired.”

You and her argue until Bucky’s coffee is ready and you put it on the tray.

Same procedure like previously, both of you walk to the conference room and she opens the door for you. You forgot to tell her about hiding better – Andy saw her last time – and now it’s too late.

Your eyes are glued to the back of Bucky’s head instantly and you step behind him.

“Here’s your coffee, Mr. Barnes” You say and place it next to his hand. He turns his head and looks up to you which puts your faces dangerously close to each other. You know you should retreat but you hesitate and for a moment you think you are getting lost in his eyes. How cheesy is that?

“Thank you very much, Miss Y/L/N” He says, saying your name for the first time, making your knees weak and that’s when you see a smile on his face. Beautiful.

You quickly step back before you get yourself into trouble and hold the tray in front of you.

“You’re welcome” You retort and leave the room.

****

You wait until you hear a knock on your office door and open it.

“Meeting is finished. Time to clean up” Emily says without looking at you and walks away.

Time to clean up. God, what a bitch. You’re a lawyer for goodness sake.

“Is it just me or does she seem grumpier than usual?” Alissa asks from her desk.

“Yeah.”

“Probably unhappy about the fact you got a mind-dazzling smile for bringing him coffee and she didn’t, even though she didn’t leave anything to the imagination when it came to her cleavage today.”

Alissa, the never stopping exaggerator.

You step into the now empty conference room and start cleaning up. You select plates, cups and glasses and everything else. When you reach Bucky’s seat, you see the empty coffee cup, a half-empty glass of water and a plate with a couple of cookie crumbles on it. He ate cookies during his probably very serious lawyer meeting. Cute.

If you were Alissa, you would lick his plate and take a sip from his water but you’re not, so you simply pick them up and put them on the food cart. There’s only so much creepiness you can handle.

Suddenly, you notice a small piece of paper laying on the table exactly where his plate was and you feel yourself get excited. With giddy fingers you grab it and see the scrawly handwriting.

My friend Tony usually gets quite indignant when he sees someone who undersells themselves and I wish I had more time to talk some sense into you. You’re a lawyer, aren’t you?

And beneath that he wrote:

P.S. The coffee was great though.

Holy shit.

****

Bucky thinks you sell yourself under value and he’s right. The thing is, New York isn’t really offering you any good jobs, so you’re kind of forced to keep this shitty internship for now. Alone the fact that he thinks you are worth more makes you heart beat faster than is healthy. You think the note is a good reason to freak out. Alissa agrees.

So, what does a girl do after being told she is worth more than serving people drinks and snacks? Correct. She puts on a hell of a lot of make-up and her usual night time uniform and goes to start her shift as a waitress in a strip club. It’s a matter of interpretation.

The meeting with Bucky Barnes at your company happened five days ago and you’re still not over it. He hasn’t come in since but you know he will and you’re looking forward to it.

You greet the bouncer at the door and enter a small hallway that leads to where the action is. You can already hear the notorious music coming through the speakers and the many conversations melting into one big babble of voices. The room is well-filled, of course, it’s a Saturday night. A lot of work men, groups and – and that’s curse and blessing at the same time – quite a number of bachelor parties.

They are the ones who give the best tips but they’re also the ones with the worst manners. They always make you nervous but you know you’re safe. Carl, the owner of this club, has his men everywhere to make sure the waitresses won’t get harassed. Making you wear higher than high-heels, a tight black top and a skirt that’s way too short for your usual liking isn’t really helping the matter, though.

You walk over to the bar, put away your stuff and get ready for your shift. Suddenly, there’s a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, Y/N, you lucky bitch!”

Sarah. One of the waitresses. Black eyes, dark skin, eyebrows to die for and the same slutty uniform you are wearing.

“Hi, Sarah” You greet her and continue to put a small bag around your waist, almost like a fanny pack, where you store money and especially the tips.

“God, you’re so lucky, do you know that? One of your tables is a bachelor party and it’s not just anyone bu-“

“AY! I’m not paying you for standing around and gossiping! Get to work!” Carl shouts at you from behind the bar and points at the customers. How did a man that big manage to appear without you noticing?

“Sorry, Sarah, gotta go” You say and make your way over to your area of tables.

“At least share the tips with us later!” She calls out after you and you don’t bother responding. Now why would you share your tips with them? Are your customers that wealthy?

You pull out your little notepad and step to the big table with said bachelor party and without looking up, you ask “Can I bring you guys anything?”

“Yes, a round of shots please, same as before” A voice says next to you and you look up to meet a pair of dark brown eyes.

Those dark brown eyes are accompanied by full eyelashes, dark eyebrows and a significant beard that looks like a combination of an anchor beard and a disconnected moustache. Perfectly trimmed. You know exactly who that is. You would recognize that roguish smile anywhere.

“How many?” You ask and begin counting Tony Stark’s men, recognizing each and every one of them. You feel your hands get sweaty and shit, these heels are the worst to stand in when having weak knees. And then you see the person you have wished not to see since you caught sight of Tony Stark in your strip club.

Bucky Barnes sits in front of you behind the table, wearing jeans, black boots and a black shirt that doesn’t hide his metal arm at all and you think you have never seen anything sexier in your life. His hair is tugged behind his ears and his eyes sparkle even in the dim light of this establishment while they wander down your body, unashamedly taking in the uniform and there’s nothing you could do about it.

You see the shit-eating grin spread on his face when his gaze cuts up to meet your eyes and he realizes you’re watching his reaction. Correction: That is the sexiest thing you have ever seen in your life.

“Seven” Tony suddenly says, snapping you out of your trance. He looks amused.

“Okay” You say, force a smile on your face and turn on your heels to get the hell away from them.

God, that was embarrassing. You were about to jump Bucky in front of his friends and everyone could see it. This is definitely not a good start to your shift. Also, Bucky was the person to write you a note about being capable of more than serving drinks and now five days later you meet him again while serving drinks in a titty bar. Someone shoot me please.

You walk to the bar to get their drinks ready when you feel a presence behind you.

“I feel like you didn’t find the note I wrote you” The voice out of your dreams says and you slowly turn around to face him. He looks down at you. There’s something in his eyes that indicates danger but not the kind that would get you hurt …

“No, I found it. Thank you” You admit and watch as the corners of his mouth tug into yet another beautiful smile. Seeing it up-close makes you feel a little dizzy, not gonna lie.

“Hm. Then I think you didn’t really understand what I tried to tell you, darling.”

Darling. Say that again please.

“I did. I understand what you said and I agree” You say and maybe you’re imagining things but you think his blue eyes grow a little darker.

“Is that why you wait tables in a strip club?”

You squirm and avoid his gaze. Welp. He steps a little closer and now he’s all up in your personal space and you don’t even mind. Like he doesn’t have a single care in the world, he raises his metal arm and lays it on the counter next to you. It looks strong and dangerous and … you want to touch it.

“No. I wait tables because there is no other job to pay my rent with. I tried to get a job as a lawyer but it’s like everyone else was faster than me. Every law firm I sent my application to offered me an internship. You don’t know how hard it is to find a good job in this city.”

“That’s true. I just didn’t consider you the type of woman to work in a place like this. Though, I’m not complaining” He says lowly and flickers his eyes down to your outfit for a second before coming up to your face again. You feel heat crawl up your neck and a serious belly flutter in your stomach. God, get yourself together, Y/N!

“I bet you didn’t expect to see me tonight, hm?” You ask, feeling very bolt all of a sudden and immediately regret saying that. Now he thinks you are flirting. Which you are. But … ugh. You can’t think clearly with him being so close.

“I didn’t. When I saw you, my first thought was She deserves better. And you do. You should sit in one of those fancy conference rooms and talk to your clients and order coffee or maybe tea. But now as I stand here before you, getting a better look at your lovely outfit, seeing your eyes not leaving my mouth while I talk, I think Who knew that this would be such a turn on?”

You need a second to comprehend what he said and when you do, your eyes grow wide. Never in a million years did you think you would hear Bucky Barnes say these words to you – you have dreamed about it for sure but that’s all it was. A dream. And now he is right in front of you, face only inches away and says he’s turned on.

Can someone pinch you please?

“I, um … I, this, you do, I… um.” Peak intelligence, truly, good job, Y/N.

You see his smile turn into a grin and there’s that sparkle in his eyes again that does things to you and brings thoughts into your head that you would never admit out loud. And then you realize you stopped breathing and that’s probably why you feel so dizzy, so you take a deep breath and smell his cologne and oops – there goes your composure.

“I’ll let you go back to work now. Maybe I’ll have a word with your boss about this work attire. You don’t look comfortable and to be honest I know there are at least ten men staring at you when you walk past and I don’t like it. Don’t ask me why. I just don’t” He says and for a second his eyes wander down to your mouth and you realize you bit your bottom lip.

He meets yours again, gives you one last cocky grin and then he turns and walks back to his Avenger friends. Of course, you watch him go. And of course you see all his friends’ eyes on you and every single one of them looks amused. Shit.

****

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orribuontheinternet · 6 years

Text

Depression and Drawing.

When I was a young lass (I want to say around 7-8 years old), I saw my biological father drawing something while he sat on the porch. The details are fuzzy, but I do remember it being an equine of some sort. He was working in ink. Watching him was so fascinating that I decided that I too wanted to be an artist. To be able to imagine something and put it to paper was a foreign concept to me, one that I was excited about. Oddly enough, my first ever drawing was of an intangible concept: an emotion. I forgot why little me was so knee-deep in sadness at the time, but I remember doodling a self-portrait of a sad, crying baby Olive while holding back my tears. Underneath (or around, I can't recall) was a caption that kind of stated the obvious: "Olivia is sad." When I think about that moment, I wonder if that was a form of foreshadowing since I suffer from...well, Major Depression. But we'll get back to that later. I think this drawing was spawned from a conflict with my siblings, but I can't rightly recall. I do, however, remember that someone tore the picture to pieces. Then came the waterworks.

I want to pause for a second and let you know that I'm going to try not to throw a pity party. I'm not going to whine and stuff this note with melodramatic hyperbole. If you can stomach an emotional artist digging deep into her head and making her introspection tangible, I encourage you to keep reading. If not, I respect your decision to stop.

To segue on to a brighter note, I started drawing in elementary school. I remember the exhilarating feeling of finishing my work. My proudest moment, aside from a (not) Sonic-themed powerpoint, was a storybook I made in fifth grade. It was a flip book of some sort, and very colorful. I think it had something to do with James and the Giant Peach considering it was a book report. But that was an impression I left. Olive, the artist. This carried on into middle school, where I first discovered anime thanks to an art teacher who had the magic VCR/TV cart we 90s kids remember fondly. He showed us Princess Mononoke, one of Hayao Miyazaki's well-renowned works. It was um...horrifying. The film scared the everloving shit out of me, but I was intrigued by it. There was something really cool about the way the people looked, far different from the Ms. Frizzles and Rugrats I came to know. It captivated me, and when I got over the stomach-churning blood and guts the movie presented, I strove to attain that cool aesthetic. I was always doodling during my classes and lunchtime and recess. People came to know me as that kid that draws. Some of them flocked to me and asked me to doodle something for them. It was annoying in hindsight, but at the time it brought me immense pride. People were interested in something I was doing! This development boosted my motivation; I drew picture after picture, happily sharing it with anyone who was interested. It was invigorating! Then high school happened, and I realized I wasn't as amazing as I initially thought I was. In 2006 I was accepted into the prestigious Philadelphia Highschool of Creative and Performing Arts (henceforth shortened to "CAPA," as to avoid the apparent mouthful of syllables). I attended with a major in visual arts, which I took alongside my core classes, i.e., math, science, and English. The first few months were humbling, to say the least. I took ceramics, graphic art, and observational drawing. During this year, I also discovered the magic (to a 15-year-old anyway) of Naruto. That was my biggest obsession since the Dragonball Z/Rurouni Kenshin/Outlaw Star/Big O/etcetera days. Where I used to make "Dark Sonic" characters and the like, I made a step towards creating a world of my own. Thus, after a painful defeat in an original character tournament, I decided it was time to start harnessing my writing and narrative skills, as well as my drawing skills. And so I strove to improve, even with those dents in my pride. It became something I was proud of, almost an obsession. I wanted to share it with the rest of the world, so I went for it.

(The first piece I’ve shared with the internet via deviantART.)

This is where my real artistic journey began. When I started, I had no idea of how mentally, physically, and emotionally tolling this would be. Half the time I've made things way more difficult than they've needed to be: sleepless nights, crouching over a desk, risky investments that granted little to no return and thus resulted in me digging myself into a deeper hole of debt, periods of psychological agony–I've experienced a great deal since I started creating these...things. In my naivety, I envisioned making money off of my creativity, having fun, meeting fans around the world, and hitting up cons like those really cool people I follow on the internet. I started comparing myself to more celebrated, experienced artists, to the point where I'd cry out of eye and earshot and wonder why I can't be as good as them. Why can't I be as skilled, or successful, I'd ask myself. This is when I should have realized that the Depression I suffer from has a voice. It'd tell me that I'd never amount to anything, let alone reach that level of expertise and fame. It was painfully merciless and cruel, and I was its punching bag. I'd start wondering what the point was and why I should even try to engage in this creative expression. Then, something tragic happened:

I realized I was falling out of love with it.

I didn't feel the same exhilaration I'd get when I finished something as simple as a little scribble. I didn't feel the warm burst of energy that I felt when I'd make a breakthrough. I desperately scrambled for something–anything–that would rekindle my love for creating again. Then, after some introspection, I decided that I wanted to try for animation. It had always fascinated me during my time in grade school, so I did some research and even wrote a thesis about animation and why it inspired me. To an extent, the passion I have for the arts did come back a little, but it was just a spark. When I started college, I was reluctantly proud of myself. I started dreaming big again, thinking about how amazing it would be if I could create my own animated series and bring my narratives to life. And so, the dreams of being able to support myself and my family returned to the forefront of my mind, again. While I hopped and skipped through my first year at uni, I built a lot of friendships I never thought I'd have after a painful summer season. I thought back to how I tried and failed to start an art team and decided to go for it again. And thus, after planning gatherings and messing around with my friends, Exploding Fairies was born!

(Old Exploding Fairies logo.)

The Depression and my wounded confidence, however, wouldn't allow for anything to go past casual hangouts and being a nuisance to my teammates. Everything boiled down to three things:

1) I was unwilling to relinquish control of any of the facets of the alliance and our stories. To me, the story we worked on was my baby, and only I would have a say in whatever developments occurred. 2) I lacked the leadership and communication skills to collaborate with my partners effectively. 3) Considering the nature of my requests, I SHOULD have been paying my partners as an incentive. I lacked the money to compensate them for their time and talent adequately. I could very well be painting myself in a horrible light considering how terribly influential my depression is to my self-esteem.

(The image above is by @cucoo.)

(Concept drawings of Dan’s actual identity.)

However, exposure and companionship don't necessarily pay the bills. Besides, I was still a "nobody on the internet!" I may as well have kicked sand in their faces. At least, that's what the disease told me. I grew bitter towards the world when Homestuck and a traumatizing anime gained the admiration of my friends. I became green with envy, wondering why my work didn't win such affection. That summer, I went into overdrive. I started an original character tournament of my own and gained a considerable following. I even found love again!

After a busy three months, I jumped into my second year of college. This is when I finally collapsed under the weight of my mental ailments. Week after week, I stressed almost hyperbolically to the point where a single mistake could mean the end of the world to me. I officially started as an animation student (the first year was mostly core studies with elective and liberal arts on the side), and I wanted to bring my A-game to the forefront. I was going to wow everyone with my knowledge of technology while I navigated through the hills and valleys of my second year. I got to take a course in digital 2D animation, the media I've had my eyes on since I started my college career. Everything just hinged on whether I could manage my workload (I took 18 credits). Apart from the building stress, financial troubles, and impaired health, everything seemed fine. That notion, however, was shattered when I lost my progress on a 2D animation assignment. It was all over. All of that hard work that I put in (without saving, no less) was destroyed by a corrupted file. I didn't have a backup file ready for such an occasion. Admittedly, it was my fault for letting my guard down. I should have known better as a geeky artist! To me, there was no way I could ever recover from that. I was an idiot and a crappy artist anyway! I was a failure! I was nothing! All of the horrible thoughts that my sickness cataloged was thrust into my conscious mind, impairing my ability to reason. Devastated and afraid, I called my crush and opened up about what happened. The pressure finally cracked me, and she had to talk me down from attempting suicide.

The turn of events affected everything, from my focus to my ability to complete my assignments. My crush advised me on what steps I should take while moving forward. I was hospitalized to prevent any harm I could bring to myself. I really DID want to escape from the unbearable pain my sick mind caused me. Eventually, I had to contact the dean of students and was referred to an affiliated therapist. After conversing with him and the dean, we all decided that it'd be best if I were committed to an outpatient program to start on the road to recovery. Fast forward to 2012 or 2013, when I completely lost faith in myself as an artist, and thus, my love for art. I didn't think it'd happen, but I hit what I conceived as rock bottom. I swore off drawing. It didn't bring me joy anymore, and why continue dabbling in something that I'd never be good at?

Unfortunately, the resulting slump turned out to be thicker than I'd imagine and I entered a state of deep depression. I rarely got out of bed, I overate and sometimes didn't eat at all, I never picked up a pencil or opened photoshop, never reached out to the people who I knew and who loved me...I was virtually dead to the world. Some good things happened that, in hindsight, I should have cherished. For starters, my crush became my girlfriend, and we lived together in an apartment in Center City. I was too smothered in the fog to show my appreciation and love for her adequately. She loved me and loved my work, which in turn brought back my passion for creating. If I couldn't financially support myself with my art, the least I could do is bring her joy and feed her imagination.

(We both love semi-horror and anime, so our roleplays took that direction.)

Sadly, thanks to the disease even something as precious as her happiness wasn't enough. When I look back, I can see the hurt in her eyes, but during the time I had such horrible tunnel vision and was so disappointed about things not working out with my art that I couldn't sense that. Me, a self-proclaimed empath! My desperate greed and envy were my downfall, and I limped my way down the artsy-fartsy road. I'd draw fan art and create fan comics, only to become bitter about either the lack of replies or patrons on Patreon or the perceived disregard for any personal ventures I took.

I did my first convention at Anime Impulse back in 2015, and after a pretty bad time in the artist alley, I swore off drawing again. I remember nights of staring blankly at the computer screen, smashing Command or Control +Z and ultimately throwing my stylus down, closing photoshop, and crying out of frustration. I remember pulling my hair and sobbing when I faced rejection. It was an incredibly painful time for me. That's not to say I still don't experience that now as I totally do, but something happened this year that strengthened my stride.

I posted something on Tumblr earlier this year about my frustration when it comes to creating art. It was specifically about how I get stuck in the "polishing" phase of building a webcomic page, but when I look back, I can actually attribute it to art in general. I became a "perfectionist." Nothing was impressive enough to finish or release, and I'd wind up with more works in progress than finished ones. My morale just kept dipping lower and lower, and finally, when picking up a webcomic project that I started more than a year ago, I vented my frustrations. To this, my crush, who became my fiancé some four years ago, replied with this:

"You polish because you’re not confident with your work because you're in an evolution phase. Fear holds you back. So you go back and edit. And edit. And edit. So stop the cycle. Kill the fear by not letting it have time to take hold."

Her words of encouragement and insight changed my perspective in ways I've never expected. It was almost like it triggered an epiphany or a breakthrough in my mind! I was reminded of her love and faith in me! With that came a ray of hope, that I could try again, and this time, throw my fear-induced caution to the wind! While my depression still has a voice and beats me down from time to time, I realize that it's just scared. I realized that when Brittany and I sat down and played through Celeste together. I related it to my sadness and anxiety surrounding art, and now I'm slowly getting back on my feet. I can't displace the blame and "use" my mental ailments as a scapegoat. I can't come up with excuses to give up on what I do. There is SOMETHING in creating visual media that breathes life into me.

(I started learning to let go.)

Looking towards the future, I hope I can look back on even these trying times and remind myself of where I was and how stronger I've become because of it. I'm still struggling with comparing myself to others and crashing into creative and motivational blocks, but someday I'll rise above it all. Besides, I should be doing it for me, right? The external validation should just be the topping on a sweet sundae.

That's why I keep drawing, in spite of the voice's apprehension. We're going to get through this together, I promise.

#personal #tw: sucide mention #art #mental health #depression

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oddree13 · 6 years

Text

Nursey/Dex RP

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like nursey/dex, dex/nursey, holsom, and zimbits.

You: I don’t want to be rude, but for the sake of my sanity please bring quieter girls back to your hotel room. I can hear them through the wall even with headphones on. I can’t work with them hollerin. I get that we won but damn. WP

Stranger: Oh, shit. Sorry, Dex! -DN They're my sisters friends. -DN

You: Oh you mean you aren't, um, you know? WP

Stranger: Having sex? Ew, no, dude. -DN

Stranger: Like a couple of these girls babysat me, you know? -EN

Stranger: *DN

You: Sorry I heard the giggle and assumed that you were having a celebration you know. WP I'll just put on louder music then. DN

You: WP*

Stranger: You could come join us, if you want. -DN

Stranger: If you don't, I understand and we'll totally tone it down. -DN

You: No I wouldn't want to bother you. Besides, work. WP

Stranger: Alright, suit yourself. -DN Probably for the best. They'd just tell embarrassing stories about me. -DN

You: Dunno is your using reverse psychology or not but I want stories. WP Um, I stashed some bourbon. Do you want it? WP

Stranger: Dude!!! Bring it over!!!! -DN

Stranger: Look at you, you bad boy. Sneaking booze on a roadie. -EN

You: I don't think I'm a bad boy...just keyed up after games sometimes that I can't sleep. WP

You: Let me just put on something decent and I'll come by. WP

Stranger: Lol, sounds good. -DN

You: Getting one some sweats and a shirt, Dex, with a bottle of bourbon tucked under his arm, knocked on the door connecting his and Nursey's room and waited to be let in, hoping he didn't regret this.

Stranger: Derek opened the door, grinning brightly at Dex. "Hey! Come on in, meet the girls!" There were three women sitting on the bed, all smiling up at him. A dirty blond with a nose ring jumped up, taking the bottle from Dex with a wink. Nursey rolled his eyes. "That's Michelle. The other two are Emma and Sam." Derek pointed to Emma, a dark-skinned woman with an afro and then to Sam, a brunette who had buzzed all her hair off. "Sam and my sister dated for what? Almost a year?" Sam nodded and took a plastic cup of bourbon from Michelle.

You: Dex smiled back at Nursey but soon curled in a bit on himself when one of the girls darted to him and plucked the bottle from under his arm. Oh good, personal space wasn't a problem. When Derek finished introductions, he gave a small wave and hello, and follow Derek to the bed he was sitting on and sat down. "So what's the occasion for visiting Nursey?" he asked, wondering why a group of women a few years older than Derek were in a hotel room this late at night.

Stranger: Emma shrugged. "We're all doing a roadtrip and we just happened to be in town for tonight's game." Sam leaned over and pinched Derek's cheek. "And we couldn't resist checking up on our favorite little bro." she teased, pulling Derek into a headlock when he tried to squirm away. "Can you believe it's been two whole years since we've seen this little brat?" The other girls laughed. Michelle put her elbows on her knees and leaned in closer to Dex, getting a good look at him. "So, you're Derek's fellow d-man, huh?"

You: It was sweet that Derek had people like this in his life that went out of their way to see him even if it wasn't required. "Oh yeah," he answered Michelle, wondering why she got so close. "Derek and I have played on the same line the last two years. Occasioanlly they try to match us with someone else and it just never works out the same."

Stranger: Michelle gave him a grin that bordered on wicked. "Oh so you guys actually click on the ice, huh?" Sam and Emma exchanged a look while Derek had given up on escaping from the headlock. "You know," Emma began. "I can't recall Der-der here ever having a solid d-partner before..." she tapped a finger to her chin. "Guys, come on." Derek moaned, blushing a bit.

You: "Yeah I'd say we click on the ice. We did on there before we could tolerate each other off it," Dex answered not seeing the trap he was walking into. At Emma's comment Dex just shrugged, "well from what I hear Andover wasn't exactly a great place for bonding so I could see that." He looked over at Derek with a small smile, not seeing the blush as something more than just being teased by friends.

Stranger: "Wow, isn't that something?" Sam drawled, smiling before taking a drink of her bourbon. "You know, Derek talks a lot about you to his sister." Michelle nodded, "More than any other guy." she chimed in. Emma refilled Dex's cup before licking her lips. "How long did it take for him to be less annoying?" "Hey!" Derek exclaimed, frowning at Emma.

You: "I'm sure most of it is complaining. I was #thatwhiteguy for most of my freshman year," Dex admitted with a chuckle, figuring Derek would probably complain about him a lot back home. "But Nursey isn't annoying, just, an English major," he teased, not wanting to bring up their arguments about wealth\ again.

Stranger: All three girls giggled and Sam finally released Derek from the headlock to down her drink. "Oh, he is adorable, Der-der." she nodded, like she was given him her approval. Nursey stuck his tongue out at her. Michelle leaned back, resting against Emma's shoulder. "And aren't you guys gonna be roommates next semester? Should we send you a Nurse Survival Kit?" Michelle asked.

You: Dex blushed at being called adorable, and filed away Der-der for later use. "No need for a survival kit. I've got tea for when he starts to drink too much coffee, started taking the blue pens he likes to write with from the library and stocking up because he gets fussy when he loses them, and I have noise cancelling headphones I'm saving up for because he likes to recite his poetry out loud for cadence, and I can only take so much," he listed not noticing how it wasn't a normal way to react.

Stranger: Derek looked as shocked as the girls, who all stared at him for a moment. "Oh..." Sam shook her head and leaned over to clap Will on the shoulder, "Oh, you sweet thing..." she chuckled and stood up. "Ladies. I think that's our cue to leave. We've got an early morning tomorrow if we wanna get to Ohio by sundown." The other two girls nodded, thanking Will for the drinks and giving Derek long hugs, whispering things in his ear, making him blush even more.

You: Dex didn't like all the eyes on him. It made him feel as if he was doing something wrong, and when the women decided to leave he felt like he'd fucked up somehow. He took the thanks for the drinks and grabbed the bottle from the floor as Nursey said his goodbyes. Not wanting to linger and wait for Derek to get mad at him for making the girls leave, Dex headed back to his room, wondering if he could get some work in.

Stranger: Realized Dex had left the room, Nursey hurried next door, knocking tentatively on the door. "Dex? Hey, sorry about them. They tend to read too much into things, you know? I didn't realize you did all those things just for me..." he murmured, hoping Will would answer his door.

You: Not understanding what Derek was talking about by "reading too much into things" Dex opened the door, looking sheepish. "No need to be sorry. I just thought I said something that made them want to leave and I can

You: can't figure out what?"

Stranger: Derek shook his head. "You didn't say nothing wrong. Well, maybe. But it's not your fault." he patted Will's shoulder. "You see, they're all queer. And, well, they, um, got the impression that having tea for me and bringing my favorite blue pens to the library are, like, um, romantic gestures..." he explained, shoving his hands into his pockets.

You: Dex didn't understand why the explanation started off with 'they're all queer' but by the end of it got how that mattered. "Oh," Dex said, his mind processing everything that had just happened and realizing that yeah, it sort of looked like courting. Was it though? "I mean, those things just make you happy..." he muttered as it that was a good enough explanation.

Stranger: "Yeah, they do... And I really appreciate you doing those things for me..." Derek murmured, trying to hide his disappointment. "So, that's why they left. They wanted to give us some 'Alone Time.'" He forced himself to roll his eyes. "Look, don't worry about it, okay? I know you're straight so." he shrugged again.

You: "But do you wish that I wasn't straight?" he asked, still a little thrown by the exchange, and also his own feelings, because Dex hadn't really liked anyone before, not in a sexual way. But lately he'd been doing more for Derek because the way he smiled made him tingle, and a few times, he'd found himself wondering how his lips felt.

Stranger: Derek blinked at Dex, taken by surprise at his question. "Uh... well, yeah, I guess? But that's just the romantic in me, you know? I'd never like actually think you were queer and act on my own suspicions. That's a dick move."

You: "Yeah that would be...but what if I'm not straight?" he asked, on hand cross over his chest and holding onto his elbow a little defensively. "I just never liked anyone really. I mean not more than like, 'oh that person looks nice' but then the thought goes away. But those thoughts about you stay. And sometimes I wonder how soft your hands really are, and if it would feel nice to have you fall asleep on my shoulder and feel you breath against my neck," he rambled, not sure where all of this was coming from but blamed the bourbon.

Stranger: "Oh..." Derek breathed out, looking Dex over. "Um, well, that would change things..." he whispered, taking a step closer to Will. "Would you... Uh, can I come in?" he asked softly, "Because I have often found myself thinking those same thoughts about you."

You: "Yeah you can come in," he nodded, letting Derek into his room, and feeling himself grow hot, unsure of where this was going to go. Because of that he found himself blurting, "but I don't think about sex. With you. Anyone really. I mean not like actively."

Stranger: Derek turned back to Will and smiled softly. "Hey, that's okay, Will. Lots of people don't ever wanna have sex." he shrugged. "It's not a big deal to me." Nursey moved and sat down on the edge of the bed. "But we should talk about it. If you really wanna do this. Just so I know what's okay and what's not."

You: "I just like being around you," he answered, not understanding how Derek could say sex wasn't a big deal. It was a big deal for almost everyone, and Dex just thought he was broken that way. "I mean, I wouldn't mind, kissing you. And um, cuddling and shit," he swallowed.

Stranger: "I'm down for that." Derek smiled. "I mean, for me, sex is fun. But it's not like, needed for me to survive, you know?" he chuckled before patting the spot next to him. "Do you mind titles? Can we be boyfriends?"

You: "Boyfriends?" Dex asked, not having seen that as a possibility. "I mean we can but like we can be open...since I don't, since I'm not good at this."

Stranger: "Yeah, I'm cool with that." Derek nodded, "And you don't have to be good at this, you know? Like, none of us glided perfectly on skates the first time they were strapped to our feet." he thought for a second. "Okay, Zimmermann might be the exception." Nursey shrugged with a chuckle. "But seriously, it's all chill, Will."

You: "Stop saying chill," he smirked, and moved towards Derek a bit. "I mean maybe not open right now because I want to figure us out before we add more people," he clarified, putting a tentative hand atop Derek's.

Stranger: Derek smiled and nodded, "Yeah, that's fine by me, Will." He overturned his hand so their palms met. "You're just really cute." he added, gently squeezing his hand.

You: "You're beautiful," Dex replied, and leaned in to press a kiss to Nursey's lips carefully.

Stranger has disconnected.

#nurseydex #omgcheckplease #omgcp #omgcheckplease rp #omgcp fic #derek nurse #william poindexter #mypost #myrps

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 6 | “His best Amanda Kimmel "Go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation” - Liam

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ryrU-tXQbMyAa2Sl_GFiJb61i6qUNY-x/view?usp=sharing

aj went home??!?!?! hello!? JAKE SURVIVED SO THERE IS A GOD

Who feels like shit? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And now I remember why I feuded with Jakey... he literally did what ever he wanted. Which is very inconvenient for the rest of us. I know he put my name down. Granted 3 minutes ago I was sure it was Dan but after briefly snapping at him I put it together. Dan, 7:21 PM Seriously I’m not mad about it ahha I can see how my words were taken. And then I definitely said this afternoon we hadn’t talked and that was why I thought you would be the vote on my end Yeah you were a target before AJ started throwing my name out. I own up to that 100% So now it's time to play voting detective... yaayyyyyyyyyyyy (em llik) This entire vote started off with Jakey and Dan. Dan claims that he didn't bring my name up, but it would be an ass pull for Jakey to come to me with Dan wanting me dead immediately after the immunity challenge and then suddenly manifest it. Jakey immediately comes to me and I immediately come to the Dumb Betches (tm). I want Dan out but it's just not realistic as the other side isn't as comfortable playing with a pure beauty team. Next day we form the Thots R Us alliance and Jakey and Scott plead their case for AJ to leave and we, like idiots, go for it. Dan continues to campaign for me. Devon gets into the mix at some point and tells Dan that AJ is voting for him. Dan changes his vote. Now according to Augusto around this point, Jakey mentioned the possibility of having an extra vote before completely shutting it down. Claiming it to be "unnecessary". I think this sparked the idea to tell AJ about the vote under the guise of "golly gee I don't wanna vote for Dan because honor and stuff so I'm voting for you". I assume it's around then he wrote my name down. Like a bitch. Sorry I'm trying to be less hateful and aggressive but man it's harrdddddddd. My guess is that he wanted a beauty out no matter what and figured he'd have better luck convincing the others to vote for me in a situation where an idol is played. He probably also wanted me and Dan to turn further against each other. Unfortunately for him, I spent all of my impulse control that day on not chewing Dan's head off and I snapped immediately afterwords and so some things were cleared up. It has to be Jakey not just because of all the things lining up and not just because it is in his character but I genuinely can't imagine anyone else doing so. - AJ and Amir are loyal hoes. Plus if one of them did something that absurd, it wouldn't exactly benefit them. It puts strain between our relationships with the other players and honestly I don't know why they'd waste a vote on me when if an idol is played they risk losing a beauty majority. - Devon doesn't seem like he would make any waves and seems to have taken a liking to me. Granted I'm less sure about him then the others but he did put most of the work in convincing Dan not to put my name down. Plus he doesn't seem to have anticipated AJ having an idol. - Scott, to do something like this would have been risky. I'm his primary connection to the beauty alliance, if AJ were to play an idol he would have risked losing an asset. - I truly think Dan isn't lying to me because he genuinely believed if he didn't vote for AJ he'd be fucked. He wasn't comfortable with where the votes lied, to throw a vote towards me would have been pretty dumb and insanely reckless. Jakey is the only person I can think of who would go out so out of his way for something like this. Chaos is more or less his calling card. Plus it would be in his best interest to keep around someone in his majority alliance and get rid of a beauty. And he probably thought that I was a better option considering past history or whatever. :/ So now we have to sacrifice Jakey to the survivor gods not because he wrote my name down but because I can't trust him to keep his shit together and vote with us. We were going to target Dan next and he probably won't be chill with that. He probably would prefer to aim for Devon or One of the beauties. And that well, wouldn't be in my best interest either. In the mean time, I'm just going to sit still and look pretty.

Ok, I need to make a quick apology. Talking to Autumn and Duncan has been the highlight of my game thus far. Autumn went to the same undergrad as me and Duncan is one of the most genuine guys I've ever met. I feel terrible for ever being doubtful of being on the same tribe as them. Because now I really think I have two more people that I feel I can trust and move with further, which (in the words of the perfect Mrs. Kim Spradlin) means I have options, and I think this can guarantee a spot for me at merge and a really good group to make some moves with that isn't as obvious to people. If we were to go to tribal, I think my target would be Connor which should be an easy vote given his general lack of activity on the tribe thus far, but I'm also not against the prospect of blindsiding Ali as I think there's a chance he has that Apis idol and I'm certain he has a few tricks up his sleeves.

okay soooo i have two LONG video confessionals uploading from the last two days but wow stuff is happening... so first off, the nuThoth tribe voted off... AJ?! which is so unexpected, that shakes up the game completely, like now it means the game is changed... it means the brawn four on this tribe sticking together is a really bad idea, and it just... everything has changed. i'm so so glad jake has survived, which keeps one good ally in on nuThoth. I'm still scared of Augusto/Amir/Kendall/Scott, but hopefully one will go if they go to tribal again? idek but yeah a lot of this will be repeated in my video, but god is a woman. and her name is autumn, i called with autumn for TWO HOURS yesterday and it was a transcendent experience, i literally love her so much. and it was such a good conversation, like i 100% overshared but it was great to kinda link up... i talked to her about adam (more on him later), she filled me in on the brain hot goss and she is of course someone i want to stick with. on this tribe, the two i feel best about are tj and autumn - tj i was SO mean to at the start but i actually get really good energy from him now? i really want to solidify something with him, i definitely want to stick wit him. jordan i think trusts me a lot but for some reason i continue to have anxiety about him (but he is a good shield in a merge situation). i for some reason get really good vibes from connor? i think i would love to talk to him more (will pm him today) - i think connor gives off good vibes and particularly since adam's conspiracy of a beauty illuminati is over i think i could trust him a lot? we haven't spoken much but he has really good ally potential imo. adam is a tricky one. for some reason i do NOT trust him. he is in EVERYONES pms peddling this same narrative and is just doing a lot? i think he is a real slippery player, and i feel like he is a fish who if we release into the ocean of a merge tribe we will never get back? i have such anxiety about him making it far so i'd love for him to go as soon as possible. its tough tho because now that a beauty majority voted off a beauty, i feel like the brawn four on this tribe need to do similar? so maybe i need to vote off liam? its just annoying because i trust liam, and i'd LOVE to get adam out but i dont see the numbers to pull that off. so i feel like we have to vote liam to give ourselves wiggle room as brawn players, but from there idk... because i want adam GONE grrrrrrrrrr its frustrating. hopefully we win this challenge, and the other tribe has another chance to get rid of someone... like the less decisions i have to make the better at this point i take it back jordan is so sweet, he is like a teddy bear... its just whether he is a care bear or lotso from toy story

i cant remember what my last confessional said so im just gonna start with last tribal: aj got voted out ........ of all the false beautys it had to be him the ONE who actually was nice to me and was the whistleblower on that main alliance? when i said it'd ironically beautiful to me to see one of the beautys voted out he was NOT any of the ones i was talking about then we get our next immunity and oh would you look at that... THREE people have to sit out meaning there's gonna surely be another chat with 5 people in it to say lets vote adam out AGAIN.......as soon as i saw this challenge my ptsd immediately was triggered and i was trying SO hard to sound like i wanted to be in one of the things even if i wouldnt have been good at it just so i could rest easy but it didnt really work out, in fact the highlight of the challenge was actually me and duncan and our contribution of sitting on the sidelines looking pretty while they all flopped but bless their hearts at least they tried, so now we're going back to tribal, and again i didnt compete in immunity which apparenly is cause for a target now so ... im HOPING that doesnt happen again, and if it does then i probably deserve to go home! i was kinda just.... not in the mood to talk to anyone much of yesterday or even today just because um.... i didnt want to dfakdfs mostly due to that dumb bitch DeDe Pressión just making me wanna do nothing but lay in bed and torture myself by watching more real survivor but i woke up today in a better mood, the moods they come and they go, much like me i love being elusive so hopefully people just dont think im like such dumb bitch who doesnt wanna talk or whatever, because believe it or not the gorls can be so hateful over you not being able to recite their whole life story back to them at the final triabl! they ripped me to shred my first season because i couldnt tell them so and so had a purple sheep back on the farm in late october 2007 like gorl plea .... so yeah ive been trying to talk to more people today to compensate, not sure where it will go, it did reassure me a bit that liam messaged me like RIGHT after the challenge and began already saying stuff about connor like ooh gorl michael_jackson_i_love_this_song.gif, but i just need to be careful because i dont want to seem like im the one controlling the vote, because odds are im gonna get made to look a fool and ill go home, or be left in the dark, but im gonna try to have slightly more faith in these people and hope they're buying what im selling, because it's pretty good stuff, i just want to feel like im the most expensive iphone in the store you know, like i want to be able to say im building relationships nonetheless and will make people come running to ME with information but who knows. I'm either playing decently and in a good spot right now, or im a fucking delusional schizophrenic so im hoping tribal reveals something like that one way or another. at least if i get voted off i can stop letting this game stress me the HELL out in the middle of a fucking pandemic

youtube

When AJ leaves and you can trust your new alliance with the beauties and Jakey https://media.tenor.com/images/b4c2f5c658c1d3ade7e506ee7ffe3c5e/tenor.gif When you win your first tribal immunity challenge of the season https://i.imgur.com/8xzlbRW.gif When you don’t have to see Alyssa and Jess at tribal https://media.giphy.com/media/6nuiJjOOQBBn2/giphy.gif My tribe when I get to go to bed early because I don’t have to stay up stressing about tribal https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/58c16a15208b4945c3920cf0/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/nicole-kidman-seal-clap.gif

Second tribal of the game for me and I am feeling good once again. i see myself in a position where I dont think i am being targeted and I really just have room to grow and form my social relationships. I feel bad for connor cause I think he will be going home barring anything crazy happening. He was someone I wanted to work with going into this game, but ill be honest his social game is just abysmal he needs to talk to people more. I originally thought he was just not talking to me cause he assumed we were good but apparently everone feels like they cant have a convo with him. Its way too early for me to do something crazy and deviate so I think hes gonna be blindsided tonight. Maybe I want to lock down a final 2 with TJ soon im starting to trust him more and more and hopefully he feels the same way. Im pretty confident that were gonna merge at 12 because thats the first time my legacy advantage is coming into play but im not sharing that information, that power is as locked to the chest as can be I will not tell a soul all game about it, thats how you become a fan favourite game changer sierra dawn thomas and I will not be her, married to joe anglim what a thought. Im off focus, either way Ive talked a lot about feeling very rocky in this game so far and feeling like I havent found my footing, but Im getting a foundation built now and once I get going, theirs no stopping me.

Is it seriously only Day 14..? Ugh, this game drags on for so, so long. Tonight is gonna be deja vu of Kvaloya in which I once again send home Connor, hopefully unanimously again. I respond to his fucking messages, and he's doing his best Amanda Kimmel "go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation right now. It's ANNOYING. I can't work with someone who does this!

oh duncan. oh duncan duncan duncan. every single time we play together you underestimate me as a player and it is infuriating? so this time you don't want an alliance with me? that's fine... but don't think i wont find out. i'm literally my blood is boiling that he thinks he can get away with this... grr. but also i love autumn for telling me, it shows me i can trust her and we are gonna go the distance. anyway so i do think connor is going to leave tonight and me freaking out will only make it me instead... so i will go with it. but now im waiting to see what jordan and tj say... and to see if they tell me. i dont think tj will tell me, but i do think jordan BETTER. i'm defending him to autumn, so he owes me plus he says we are a duo so he better JKASLDFAF. so now? i feel like i need to trust adam and stop being so nervous to trust him... he is on the bottom with me and we need to flip this upside DOWN. if me/adam link up, that will be good... because im not down to be stuck on the bottom for more than a vote... being on the bottom is how to go home and that's not my thing

So now that the vote is looming, I think that we have it fully on Connor now. Duncan and I came up with the fake vote of Adam which Connor seemed to take? Although he's asking questions that seem fishy, so let's just hope he buys it. And Duncan and I made an alliance of me, him, Jordan, and Autumn which is perfect to have going into merge. I still need to figure out how best to integrate the two so that they can know Jakey is going to work with us but not enough so that they don't know that me/Jakey/Jordan also have an alliance together. But this is awesome going into the next round, and I'm just praying that we don't see an idol played, because that would be DISASTER!

the way i've called adam shady for days and days and now i trust him one of the most? wow a growth arc. i'm still heated about duncan. he is SOO likable and charismatic, and is someone who is genuinely always just fun to play with? so him being in this gamebot really dry state is so frustrating because ik if he just relaxed and let his natural personality out he would snap?! he is just so fixated on doing well this season that he is getting in his own way (at least imo, but this is coming from mr im not in an alliance so im bitter KJSAFD). so anyway now that duncan is not a viable ally anymore, i need to solidify the other connections... and i think adam and autumn are the move. adam is clearly just desperate for allies and while he is over-eager, i think he is earnest so ill stop being paranoid about him. autumn is just a queen and a goddess so im gonna stick with her too... liam is lovely too... i just want duncan OUTTTTTTTTTTT he will not get away with this, i am the meddling kid(s) who will ruin his plans... will duncan go to the end as the gamebot leader... well... https://gph.is/2dmg9hV

also can i just say i love tj?! like i sent duncan very similar messages about feeling like i've been out of it, and the difference in their responses is remarkable: tj: I think everyone understands that you haven't been 100% the last few days, so I doubt anyone is going to fault you for that. And everyone knows that it's a game, real life does come first. like... sweet, supportive without being patronising? validating duncan: and i don't think things have really kicked off over here yet, i think its going to be an "easy vote" but we'll see what happens duncan.... immediately to game, almost his own conversation... i'm... over it?

well we have tribal in just a few hours, and tonight it's gonna be pretty clear cut in the sense that, ill finally have answers because um it's either gonna be me or connor ive been doing my best to lead this smear campaign against him, only because he made the wrong move by coming for me first and continuing to lie to my face about it so at this point i wish i felt bad but i dont. I could be completely delusional but I do think it's working because people have come to ME first and said they want to vote connor, because of both what i was saying and because he just hasnt been talking to many people besides right after the challenge so like... people can see how transparent that is pls also because MULTIPLE people have approached me first today telling me he plans on voting me out so unless they're specializing in some hardcore reverse psychology...i think i have a shot at it being 7-1 connor but once again i literally could be being made out to be a whole ass goof and not even know. or even worst have got all the numbers on my side but then get idol'ed out fdhaskj both very likely scenarios because things never seem this easy in this game ive been trying my best to get to know people and i feel like im slowly connecting more with some of them, so i guess tonight at tribal will be a test on those relationships because all the people ive been talking to will either, believe me, trust me, and wanna play with me, or theyre gonna listen to connor and vote me out, and honestly if they vote me out over him then i completely deserve to go home because clearly im doing something wrong my biggest fear is im hoping i havent come off too strong trying to play by painting this narrative of the old hathor's and connor being so against me, because while yes obviously i want connor gone for my own reasons, the trick is i dont want people to think im leading a charge against him (even tho i absolutely am) because i dont want that kinda target on me but truly who the fuck knows, i could very well go home but idk. this game is like walking into a serial killer convention and trying to stay alive, that's how i feel like im putting my faith in the hands of killers, it's making a bitch shook so i guess we'll see but in a perfect world..... connor will leave....which may look bad because of old tribe lines, but im really trying to wor any magic i have to where me being the only beauty on this tribe would be beneficial for me to hopefully be sought after by any brawns or brains, but if you ask me old tribe lines are about to be nonexistent. even though there will be 4 brawns next round, ive been trying to connect to some of them in the hopes that theyll ditch any old alliance they have to work with me but only time will tell so um yeah keep me in your thoughts and prayers pls

Not gonna lie, I haven't done much of anything this round but I don't mind it! Sometimes I just wanna be a lazy bitch yknow? But yeah, Thoth FINALLY beat its 0 challenge wins curse and we won immunity which I am thankful for given tribal would've been extremely messy? With the Kendall vote last round (which I think was Jakey or Jakey telling Dan to do so), who knows what would've been the outcome! Yay for safety <3

hiiiii no video because i no longer want to do them. let the record show that i was the 1st to say adam's name, if he goes, i did that. if i go, i did that.

i didn't make a confessional this round and tribal is about to start! im going to expect connor to go but this would be a shitty last confessional if i go home tonight. I'm hoping to establish trust within this new tribe. Wish me luck! XOXO Gossip Girl. also my dog just ate the cake i left on the counter >.> thats why im late.

I can't give y'all a real confessional right now cause Cagayan has me screaming but I believe Connor is going home 7-1 and I gave the green light to an alliance I plan on turning on whew so see y'all soon

So basically, tribal happened, beauties lost a number unanimously, theres pros and cons to this. Pros: ppl think the idol left, beauty is less threatening, we show loyalty to more people and build relationships. Bad: someone lied. that kendall throw away vote was to ensure a beauty went home in case aj played an idol, and everyone claims it wasnt them, so someone on this tribe has a case of the LIE-ABETES. * anyway, here is Shit I learned today aka dirt on ppl: 🎃Devon - told me that dan was afraid of an all beauties thing 🎃Jakey - told me dan Ali him and Jordan were a majority - told me Ali has the idol - told me Ali is a rat who warned lovelis - called Adam annoying and ugly - said he wants Devon out next - thinks Devon voted kendall 🎃 scott - told me Devon screwed him over and got himself voted out on brains - told me autumn and Duncan are a duo 🎃 Dan - told jakey that he thinks the brains tribe voted kendall to divide beauty and brawn 🎃 kendall - hidden secret alliance with Jakey - hates dan 🎃 augusto - super close with Devon - wants to blindside Jakey - thinks Jakey is the kendall vote

#BackWithVengeance

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avengersassemble-fics · 7 years

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Just Go With It (Prof! Steve Rogers x Reader)

Summary: (AU Professor Rogers) For years you’ve worked your way up to become a partner at your company, having the hots for your coworker, and many unpromising relationships. When your boss presents an ultimatum, you ask a complete stranger for help.

Word Count (2,420)

AN: This has been in my mind for WEEKS after watching this cute 90′s movie with my girl Jennifer Aniston and I had to just share this with y’all. Long chapter to get into it :) also had no idea what to call Vision so Vis it is

A pair of fumbling bodies pushed their way into an apartment, the lights from the street still dark and dimmed as they seeped in through the closed curtains. Heels were kicked across the floor and a suit jacket flung over a chair. Gasping for air, they pushed each other to the couch and plopped down awkwardly, a pair of lips returning to the bare skin of a neck. A soft moan escaped a soft pair of lips, and they reached towards a drawer.

“I.. I don’t really need to wear one,” the male grumbled against your soft neck, roughly sucking against a sensitive spot. You moved under his weight and moved your head.

“What?”

“Yeah. I tested negative, and um,” he moved his lips down to your chest, his hands bringing your dress up, “I have this unbelievable control..”

You cleared your throat and placed your hands on his chest, “Uh, yeah. Excuse me.” you pushed him up, and he reluctantly moved to the other side of the couch. You switched the closest lamp on and ran a hand through your messy hair.

“What? What’s wrong?” he asked, and you sighed, but put on the fakest smile you could.

“No, nothing’s wrong. That was.. Great. It was great,” you assured him, but as you spoke you stood simultaneously and pulled him up, and started pushing him back through the door you both entered moments earlier.

“Did- Did I miss something?” he asks and tries turning around, but you shoved his jacket into his chest, and chuckled lightly.

“Nope. Didn’t miss anything.”

You placed your hand on the door knob and he put his over yours, and made you look into his eyes, “Look.. I’ll wear one, I will happily wear one, but..” he trailed off and smirked a bit, something that earlier made your core hot but makes you want to roll your eyes now, “it’s just not gonna be as good.”

You laughed, pulling open the door and mumbling his words, “It’s just not gonna be as good..” When you had the door open you pushed him outside.

“I feel like I know you, I feel like I can be honest with you.” he tried reasoning.

“Yeah, you should probably forget all of those feelings,” you replied and closed the door. Before it shut completely, he managed, “Can I call you?”

After slamming it shut and locking it completely, you replied with a short, “No.”

You walked into your small kitchen in your small apartment and quickly grabbed your phone, dialling your best friends number immediately and opening your fridge. You needed water badly to avoid an insufferable headache in the morning. You listened to the rings before hearing them stop and your friend's voice filling your ear.

“I thought you’d be into your second orgasm by now,” Natasha joked, and you rolled your eyes, closing the door with your hip.

“Very funny, but you’re never fixing me up again,” you slung back at her, she chuckled and you could hear her shuffling papers around.

“I thought you’d both get along well, what happened?”

“Oh we got along perfectly fine, but he’s a very firm believer in the pull out method,” you rolled your eyes and set the bottle down by your bed along with your phone, and stripped out of your dress. Natasha was rolling her eyes, and you could hear someone talking in the background.

“Is that Clint?” you asked and Nat fumbled with her phone, and Clint’s voice filled your room.

“Hey (Y/N), how’d the date with Josh go?”

“Oh it was fine, but he just turned out not to be my cup of tea in the end,” you could hear him laugh, and you pulled a large shirt over your head, “and if he asks, I moved to Washington.”

Again there was movement, and again Nat was on the phone, “I’m going to finish these papers for tomorrow, so I’ll see you at the office.”

You closed the light and eased into your cold bed, “Alright boss, see you tomorrow.”

The pinging of the end call filled your room and you sighed as you laid your head down, and your lasts thoughts as you fell asleep was that you were tired of sleeping by yourself.

“I don't know what happened. Somewhere along the way, I screwed up. Either in high school or college or my early twenties,” you said to your friend as you walked beside her into the floor she commanded.

“I mean, you know, I really thought, hey, this is a snap. I like men. Men like me. But then somewhere in the last year or so, I just... I've just gotten so screwed up,” you continued, following her into her office as she gathered the last bit of papers before this mornings brief for an important trial, and you paced around, continuing your rant.

“This might not make any sense to you, Nat. I mean, you've been married since you got out of college,” you said, and Nata smirked, shrugging her shoulders as she filed her papers.

“I was lucky to meet Clint and that he put up with me,” she replied, and you went to her door as she neared, and opened it for her. You took the papers she was handing you, and added it to the file in your arm.

“But I think I'm finally coming to realise I like being single, you know? Love being self-sufficient. And I truly believe that this is my nature, you know?” you asked as you passed by desk after desk, and towards a meeting room.

“So what I'm going to do is I'm just taking myself out of the game. Put my mother out of her misery, put me out of my misery,” you drawled on and she stopped in her tracks, and was staring at you with an evil grin, “why are you looking at me like that?”

“Sorry. Let me understand this. So if James asked you out-”

You cut her off immediately, and shushed her, “Nat!” you whisper yelled, and just as this had happened, the man himself walked by.

James Barnes is what the world would use as an example of what a man is. A tall, dark, sexy man. The kind of man that you could only dream about, almost like he was created specially to make women squirm in their seats. He had a light beard and dark black hair that was just long enough to sweep out of his deep blue eyes. As he passed he flashed you both a toothy smile, and you couldn’t help but notice how glorious his muscles looked in his suit today.

“What are you doing?” you asked her angrily, and Natasha could only laugh.

“You’re telling me if he asked you out, you’d say no?”

“Come on Nat, please, we work together,” you pleaded and she laughed.

“James, James, James,” she began to repeat and you ushered her to the meeting room, feeling James’s eyes on you both.

“Shut up, shut up,” you growled, and she laughed.

“James, James, James,” she continued until you entered the meeting room.

“Maybe you should bite the bullet and invite him to that wedding you’re going to tomorrow,” she suggested, laying all her papers out and you did the same beside her, and shook your head.

“No way he’d say yes anyway.”

And that’s what was on your mind for the rest of the day. Wanda’s wedding! You had totally forgotten about it, and after last nights shit of a date, you knew you were out of luck (and time) to find a date. It was getting late as well, you glanced at your clock and saw the time read 8:20 pm, you also noticed a certain male walking towards your small office and you immediately went back to your work.

“You did great today in there, (Y/N),” he smiled, and you looked up at him, brushing the hair out of your face. You returned his smile and shrugged.

“Anyone could’ve caught it,” you replied, and he took this as an invitation to walk in, and sit in a chair across from you. You tightened your legs together and raised a brow at him.

“You came up with a brilliant way to prosecute the defence next week, I even think Stark is considering you to be the attorney for the case,” you gaped at him a bit and he chuckled, which was music to your ears, “pay raise, new office, new furniture... The works.”

You smiled, leaning your chin against your hand, “Maybe I like my old furniture.”

James leant back in your chair, and nodded to the door, “So I wanted to let you know why I’m here.”

You shook your head, and sighed, “Oh I know why you’re here.”

“I've been going over my expense report, and, uh, I want to let you know, in case anyone from accounting should ask, that I had dinner with you on the 9th, on the 11th, a humdinger on the 23rd, and a light lunch yesterday, okay?”

You frowned, and grabbed your pencil again and scribbled some notes down, feeling James’ eyes follow the length of your arm, “You know, I think I would really feel a lot better about this if we actually did have dinner sometime,” you replied, and James sighed.

“You know we can’t have dinner (Y/N).”

“I do? Do I know why?” you asked, looking back up at him, and you noted his eyes grey darker.

“You're simply... too nice.”

“I think you're mistaken about that, Sam.” you threw back, your heart rate racing.

“I'm not,” James replied, standing from his chair.

Fuck, you’re losing him (Y/N)!

"I can be a bad girl, James,” you blurted out, and James chuckled, coming over to the other side of your desk, and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Not bad enough for me, (Y/N).”

He walked to the door, “Oh really?” you questioned.

“Truly.”

And that’s how you found yourself alone at Wanda’s wedding, watching her marry the love of her life. You were happy for her, truly, but watching couples dancing on the wooden dance floor made your heart heavy. It was a reminder of what you didn’t have, and maybe never would.

The men nowadays were just.. Dumb. Idiots. The definition of why women live longer. You sipped away at your vodka martini at the open bar and moved the toothpick of olives around. The bartender slid you another glass, and you smiled your appreciation at him, and looked to your side at the festivities.

Wanda and her new husband, Vis, were dancing happily close to one another, and even from here you could see he whispered something in her ear, and it made her laugh. You’d known Wanda and her brother since you could remember, and seeing her this happy brought a little bit of faith to your life.

Just a little.

You weren’t aware of the person coming up from where you were just looking, but they sat on a stool beside you, and placed a camera down, “I’ll take a scotch please,” he requested, and you glanced his way as you took a sip.

You almost choked, he was handsome. He had a thicker beard and dark brown hair that made his ocean blue eyes pop. He had pink, kissable lips, and as he glanced your way, you could see a hint of green in his eyes.

“You must be (Y/N),” he greeted, and you set your glass down, and looked at him as he was handed his drink.

“How do you-”

“Oh, best friend of the groom, Wanda mentioned you a lot,” he explained, and you nodded, and motioned to the camera he had set down.

“Guess they really lucked out that you agreed to be their photographer,” you mentioned, and he chuckled.

“Yeah, I couldn’t say no to that face.” he replied, and you smiled, joking, “Which one?”

The man laughed, and he offered his hand, “I’m Steve, by the way,” and you took his hand in a quick handshake, and looked back to your drink.

“So is this a full time gig or for fun?”

Steve smiled, chuckling in his sentence, “Uh, hah, actually I’m just really into art, I teach full-time,” he explained and you nodded, sipping at your drink.

“Really? Where?”

“Boston University, History to be exact,”

You nodded, so he’s a smart guy, and he was cute, you couldn’t deny that. But Boston was a long way from New York. Why was life so cruel to you? He drank his scotch and set the glass down, “what about you?”

“Oh, um, I’m an attorney for Stark Industries in New York,” you told him and he nodded, actually interested in your job.

“Do you like it?”

“I.. I do. I’m doing what I love, with people I like, and I heard a rumour I could be made a partner,” you smiled to yourself and Steve watched your lips as you spoke, and couldn’t help but notice the gleam in your eyes.

He wondered if you were single. He knew what Vis had told him, what Wanda had told him, but you were other worldly. The way your lips parted against the glass ring of your drink captivated him in a way no one else had, but his thoughts were interrupted when a call for all the single ladies to come out and catch the bouquet echoed in the room.

You downed the rest of your drink, wanting to get as much as a buzz as possible for this moment, and stood from your place. Steve grabbed his camera, and you mumbled below your breath, “There’s... No one single.”

No one had come forward, and you could see Wanda’s sad smile in your direction. Steve ended up beside you, not realising the situation unfolding before him, as he was getting his camera ready. He wanted this to end quickly so he could continue talking to you. Wanda motioned for you to come over, which caused every happy couple to turn around to look at you.

The only single woman.

The silence made Steve look up, your heels the only sound echoing as you walked towards Wanda. He moved closer and readied his camera, capturing the moment you smiled genuinely at your friend and accepted her bouquet.

After that day you put Boston out of your mind, and decided to just focus on your job. You also forgot about your exchange with Steve.

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evans-addicted · 7 years

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Plan: Avoid McCoy

(Bones x Reader) (Leonard McCoy x Reader)

Summary: takes place after Star Trek Into Darkness just before Beyond. In prev story “McCoy’s Dilemna” Reader is Christopher Pike’s daughter and they had been dating. This starts with them having been broken up for about 3 years, being back on the Enterprise again after Admiral Pike’s death.

Ths is for you @nervousmemzie hope you like it

Word count: 3,301 (yowza)

***

“Lieutenant Commander Pike may I have a word please” Jim asked you into his office.

“Yes sir” you nodded and followed him in. He motioned for you to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk and he sat in the other, facing you.

He put on his friendly Jim face, so you took a deep breath and exhaled knowing this meant he was going to get personal. “I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing?” he asked.

“With all due respect Captain, I know you didn’t call me in here to ask me how I’m doing. I’d appreciate if you just cut the crap and tell me why you really wanted to talk to me” you sat back in the chair with a huff.

“Eloquent as ever I see” he smiled. “Jim we’ve been friends for years so don’t beat around the bush with me ok.”

Shaking his head “I just need... want to make sure it won’t be weird or uncomfortable for you” he sat back in his chair.

“Well damn man, don’t you think that is something you should’ve made sure to find out before we left on this godforsaken 5-year mission!” you joked and he laughed. “Look, I wouldn’t have taken the assignment and I don’t think you would have allowed me to be assigned if we both had any apprehensions about it” you added.

“This is true” he replied. “I just wanted to make sure you’re still doing ok, I guess. We both took your father’s death pretty hard and I know you took a lot of bereavement time afterward. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t jumping back into anything too soon” his smile faltered but he wasn’t being completely honest.

“I’ve told you before Jim, I’ve been ok for over a year now” you tilted your head and squinted your eyes, “Are you sure this isn’t perhaps about something, or someone else. Maybe Doctor McCoy?” you shot.

“The thought had crossed my mind. You guys just broke it off so quickly and it has been a couple years and as far as I know you two haven’t even spoken since” he replied looking concerned.

Looking down at the floor, not being able to make eye contact you asked quietly “Has he talked to you about me at all since then.”

“No not really. I mean there was a couple times right after the breakup but no he hasn’t” he rubbed the back of his neck not sure if you were going to be ok or blow up.

“Oh ok, well no I think I’ll be perfectly fine. I mean we are both the same rank so it’s not like either could boss the other around and hey how often is he on the bridge anyway right.” You rambled quickly. “Are we done”

“I feel like I’ve just hit a wasp’s nest Y/N” he looked worried.

“Why on earth would you feel like that? I’ve just got some things I need to do and not that looking at you isn’t just a delight JT, but seriously, I have work” you sassed.

He cringed at the name JT, but he also knew you never used it around other people. It was something you had started calling him years ago when your father, then Captain Christopher Pike, had taken Jim under his wing after his mother asked for help with you as a teenager. You and he were like brother and sister so of course the first time you called him that and he demanded you not ever call him that, it became his nickname.

“Ok, but if you need to talk PJ you let me know” he ruffled your hair as he stood. You smacked his hand away “It’s not the same, I actually like my nickname” you stuck your tongue out at him. He called you PJ to stand for Pike Jr. since he always tried to get your goat by telling you your dad always wanted a son but instead he got you and that was the reason he liked Jim so much. The two of you often got into fights because of it. Typical brother sister conversation.

Once you left the captain’s office you advised the Lieutenant working with you that you were going to take the rest of the day and left for your quarters. You were able to quell any tears from forming, but once the door shut behind you in your room, you fell on your bed and let it all out, sobbing for hours. It wasn’t the reminder of your father or his death that got you sad. It wasn’t the reminder of your ended relationship with Leonard that bothered you. It was that he didn’t even talk about you afterward.

It wasn’t even a week after your conversation with Jim that you started seeing Leonard in the corridors, or passing by an intersecting hall just as you happen to look up. He would come into the lounge to eat or drink with Jim, Scotty, or Sulu and you would immediately clear your plate and take your leave. If he was in a room first and you walked in, you excused yourself claiming to have forgotten something in your room and you left.

The few times he came to the bridge to talk to Jim you simply ignored the fact that he was in the room, or turned your chair to look at a different console facing away from him. This went on for about 3 weeks before the dreaded message came across your PADD. Your annual check-up was scheduled for 2 days from now with none other than Doctor McCoy.

“Excuse me Commander Spock, do you happen to know when the Captain will be back?” you asked.

“The Captain did not leave instruction on when he shall return Lieutenant Commander Pike. Is there any way I may be of service?” he replied.

“Would you be so kind as to change my checkup to Doctor M’Benga, or anyone else perhaps?” you asked as you handed him your PADD.

“I see you are scheduled with Doctor McCoy Lt. Comm. He is highly trained and more than qualified to perform a routine checkup is he not?” he asked obliviously.

“Of course he is, it’s just that I would really appreciate it if you could make this one little change for me” smiling big as if he would understand your implication.

“I cannot simply make a change without proper justification Lt. Comm. Is there something improper the doctor has done? Do I need to file a report?” he lifted his head and stood straighter than he already does.

“No no no, it’s nothing like that? Nevermind sir, It’s fine. Thank you” you smiled and grabbed back your PADD. Ugh if I tell Jim then he’ll think I have a problem and I don’t really. I just don’t want to avoid McCoy. Forever. That isn’t too much to ask for right. Well shit.

You stood there looking at yourself in the mirror for the 5th time this morning. Trying to persuade yourself that this is fine. This is going to be just fine. These checkups only take a few minutes and so you’ll just answer when he asks a question and you don’t even have to look him in the eye. Yeah that’s what you’ll do. You’ll look at the wall or the floor. You can do this. You can do this. Then why do you feel like you want to throw up….again. Ok, let’s just go get this over with.

You made your way to Medbay and told Christine you were here for your checkup. She smiled and walked you to Biobed 3. You grabbed her arm before she turned and left “Hey, why can’t the nurses do checkups? Why does it have to be Doctor McCoy?” you asked quietly.

“Um, we do checkups. Doctor McCoy scheduled this appointment. I thought you had asked for him, that’s why I didn’t think anything of it when I saw he was doing a routine checkup” she smiled and walked back to her desk. Well shit.

Just then his office door opened and he walked out. He was looking down at his PADD so he hadn’t seen you yet. You hadn’t seen him in 3 years so you weren’t sure what you expected to see. You thought that maybe with the incidents of dealing with Khan and almost losing Kirk and all that maybe he would look a little worse for wear. You had hoped maybe he had gained a ton of weight and slouched and stopped shaving and looked like a sloppy hobo, but he didn’t. He still looked ruggedly handsome with that damn furrow in his brow when he was concentrating. His hair was a little shorter and you liked it. His hands still looked strong and steady and you noticed it looked like his thighs were looking a little more toned than before. Hmmm, NO no no, just look at the floor Y/N!

“Good day Lt Comm Pike. How are you feeling today?” he asked as he finally walked over to you.

“Fine.”

“How have you been?”

“Fine.”

“So you’re not going to talk to me at all then?”

“I am talking to you” you tried not to sound snotty. You thought if you could just keep focus on this one small spot on the floor then you will hold your resolve.

“Oh I see. Speaking technically, then yes you are talking to me. I swear Spock is rubbing off on more and more people around here”

“Hmff” you scoffed.

“What’s that for?” he stood right in front of you. Damn it he was blocking my sight of the spot.

Look at his shoes, yes, just look at his shoes. “Oh sorry, nothing” you quickly tried to brush off your smartass response that you did not want to say or it will start a conversation you are not ready to have.

“Y/N why won’t you look at me?” he sulked.

Damn a direct question. I said I’d answer those. But I said that to myself so it doesn’t count. But I have to say something. Think think think.

You looked him straight in the face “Congratulations doctor on completing the first cerebral-cortex/brain-tissue graft. That’s a great accomplishment.” Throw him off topic, that’ll do it.

He sighed “Thank you.” He picked up his tricorder and scanned you. “Any pain, illnesses, or other concerns lately?” he asked in Doctor mode.

“Nope” you focused ahead of you at a spot on the wall.

“I’ve noticed you have been avoiding me around the ship” he returned to the damn topic of us.

“Hmm”

“Hmm that’s all you’re going to say. Hmm” he raised his voice.

You were tempted to blow up on him, but you were also determined to let it go so you simply replied “Mmhmm.”

“Good god woman I haven’t seen you in 3 years and you’re going play games and ignore me!”

Stone faced you looked him in the eye “Do not raise your voice at me Doctor McCoy.”

“How can you be like this? How can you have nothing to say to me?”

Oh no he didn’t! “I’m sorry what! How can I not have anything to say to YOU! Are you out of your southern fried mind!” you were the one yelling now.

“Yes, may I remind you that you broke up with me so why you are ignoring me like I did something wrong is beyond me!” he had that stupid wide eyed look he gets when he doesn’t understand something. And boy he does not understand today.

“I did not break up with you Leonard! My father just died and I said I needed some time to think and cope with things and you are the one who never came back. In fact you even started dating that Nancy chick after a few months anyway like the 2 years we were together meant nothing to you. So you know what, you take your tricorder and shove it up your ass McCoy!” you slapped the tricorder out of his hand and stormed out of the Medbay.

Christine and another nurse were whispering at the desk when you ran out with Leonard hot on your trail.

“Wait a minute here. You told me you didn’t want to see me anymore and never told me what was going on. You never let me try to talk to you or comfort you so what was I supposed to do, break down your door?” he yelled following you down the corridors.

“Jesus man you don’t know anything do you” you scoffed again. “I said and I quote ‘I don’t want to see anyone right now’ because I was grieving. That didn’t mean leave me alone forever. It meant like gimme a few days or maybe bring me some comfort food later or anything except tuck tail and run” you exclaimed whilst waving your arms in awe of his stupidity.

“Oh I’m sorry, did I miss the seminar on ‘do the opposite of what a woman tells you to do’ because I think I woulda remembered that one.”

“Oh my god Leonard, sometimes you can be so daft. I mean you didn’t even talk about me after we “broke up” so it’s not like you wanted to try anyway”

“What are you talking about!” he held his hands out in front of his face still keeping pace with you.

“Jim told me you didn’t even talk about me after. Like who does that? Someone who doesn’t care, that’s who” you pointed a finger at him stopping in front of your quarters.

“Woman I didn’t talk to Jim because he has the emotional intelligence of a cucumber. I wasn’t dating Nancy, I was seeing her as a patient. She was a therapist and I was seeing her about you. About us.” He motioned from you to him.

“Well what kind therapist doesn’t suggest you go help your grieving girlfriend?” You crossed your arms.

“Well that was what I was wondering too and I found out later that she was telling me to stay away from you and give you space because she wanted to make a pass at me. As soon as I figured it out I ran to your place to see you but you moved.” He looked dawn at his hands.

“You’re a grown ass man Leonard, you couldn’t figure out that you should’ve come see me sooner?”

“Well hun you remember I get divorced for not listening to what she said, so I figured I was going to do what you said. See how well that did me” he frowned and rubbed his hand over his face.

“You’re an idiot”

“I know”

You turned and went into your quarters. Turning to look at him “Bye Leonard” and you shut the door.

A few moments later your door chirped so you walked back and opened it to find Leonard leaning his hands against either side of the door with his head tilted down slightly. Looking at you scandalously “You still need your checkup Lt. Comm. Pike”

“Would you still like to give me my checkup Doctor McCoy?” you said taking a few steps back.

“Yes I very much do” he grinned and walked in.

Once the door shut behind him, “First let’s check those tonsils” as he closed the gap and cupped your face in his hands and he kissed you furiously. You giggled and wrapped your arms around his waist.

Walking backward you pulled at the hem of his shirt. He stopped kissing you and let you pull it off him. God you were right, he was more toned than before. He must have been working out. Whatever it was, you likey.

“Let me check your pulse” as he kissed your neck. “And now for the lungs” he pulled your shirt off and threw it to the ground and looked at your breasts for a moment. “Yup them are healthy lungs” he grabbed them and squeezed as you laughed. He kissed the skin above the bra line then tugged at the bra to pull your left breast out of the cup and tongue the nipple.

You reached around and unhooked your bra as he slipped his right hand down into your panties. ”I’m just going to take your temperature Lt. Comm.” He smirked. You moaned as he slowly slid a finger between your folds and stroked your clit. You pulled him back to the bed and laid down on the bed. He laid down next to you continuing to pepper your breasts with licks and nibbles. He slid a finger into your wet core eliciting an excited moan. Soon he moved his thumb to your clit and added a second finger inside you curling them to your delight.

“Oh Leonard, I’m almost there baby”

“That’s right baby, cum for me” in that low gravelly voice you didn’t stand a chance at lasting longer. You bucked your hips as your release hit like a ton of bricks.

“That’s so good baby. You feel so good” he praised as he licked his fingers. You took his fingers and sucked on them after. “Ooh such a naughty girl”.

“Leonard”

“Mmhmm”

“Shut up and fuck me” you pulled him in for a hard kiss.

“Yes ma’am” He stood up and pulled down his pants and underwear as you pulled off your soaking panties.

He didn’t even try to be gentle and at this point you needed him so badly that you didn’t want him to be soft with you. He slipped in between your legs and inserted his cock to the hilt. He let out a low growl as you hissed at the pleasurable pain of it. He pulled almost all the way out and rammed himself into you again and again. The only sounds in the room were bodies slapping together and loud moans. He lifted one leg up and wrapped it around his waist to get himself an even deeper penetration.

“Oh my god, yes” you squeezed his biceps.

He pumped faster and harder and you felt the coil in your stomach tighten faster. And suddenly you were moaning out his name and he thrust a few more times before he released himself inside you. Panting heavily he slowly pulled out and laid down beside you. Both of your chests heaving, trying to calm down after the amazing orgasms.

He turned towards you and kissed you softly “I missed you so much”

“I missed you to Leonard” you rubbed the back of your hand down his cheek.

“You know I’m not sure I got a good reading. I might just have to take your temperature again” he shot you a toothy grin. You laughed “Oh my god you’re still a dork” and leaned in to kiss him again.

You heard your comm chirp “Kirk to Pike” and groaned as you leaned over and picked it up off your bedside table.

“Pike here sir”

“I just heard that you and Bones were fighting and yelling causing a commotion through the ship. You want to explain what part of everything will be fine did that fall under?” he commanded.

“I’m so sorry Jim. It’s fine now really” you tried to reassure him when Leonard reached over you and grabbed the comm.

“Look Jim she feels really broken up about that so she’s going to need to stay on bed rest for the rest of the day. Doctor’s orders. But don’t worry, I’ll give her a good once over to make sure she’s fit for duty tomorrow”

Jim heard you laughing in the background, shook his head smiling and shut his comm.

****

@imamotherfuckingstar-lord @nervousmemsie

#star trek# chris pine #kirk #jim kirk #spock #mccoy #bones #karl urban

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garden-ghoul · 7 years

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the... hobblog...

“no I’ll come up with a better name for it, possibly”

special thanks to vv who has continued to support my addiction, by which I mean has continued to push more tolkiens into my hands, the better to addict me. And now without further ado LET’S GET STARTED! with

AN UNEXPECTED PARTY

No sorry false alarm, before we do that I want to talk about this kind of puzzling note on the 2nd edition.

[In chapter 5] the true story of the ending of the Riddle Game, as it was eventually revealed (under pressure) by Bilbo to Gandalf, is now given according to the Red Book, in place of the version Bilbo first gave to his friends, and actually set down in his diary. This departure from truth on the part of a most honest hobbit was a portent of great significance.

I honestly can’t tell whether they’re saying that he changed the end of chapter 5 from real events to fake coverup events, or vice versa, or another third thing. If anyone can enlighten me on this, say, someone who obsessively studies the revision history of Tolkien’s works, hmu.

AN UNEXPECTED PARTY

We spend the first couple paragraphs describing what a hobbit hole is. My favorite part is that all the best rooms are on the left side, because there aren’t any windows on the right. I am sensing that this hill is quite a bit larger than the cute little “we draped some sod over a house” sized hill from the movies. Tolkien also does this charming self-interrupting style of thing, where halfway through a sentence he pretends he just remembered that you, the reader, don’t actually know what a hobbit is because it’s something he made up. Grandpa Johnald is telling you a story but he’s only an Okay storyteller.

I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People, as they call us.

Oh okay this explains a FEW things I was indignant about. Hobbits weren’t always shy and good at disappearing, maybe. It’s a device to explain why you, a 10-year-old child sitting next to the stove, have never seen one even though they are totally real. Probably I am OVERSELLING the point that this is a children’s book in my analysis. Whatever. We spend a bit of time on Bilbo’s pedigree: his mother is Belladonna Took (the best name) daughter of the Great Took, which explains why Bilbo is a little weird.

One morning Bilbo is sitting on his stoop smoking a preposterously long pipe (it reaches down to his neatly brushed toe-hair, which, holy shit, why do we never hear about hobbits grooming their toe-hair) when Gandalf turns up. “Good morning,” says Bilbo, who is happy.

“What do you mean good morning?” asks Gandalf, who is feeling pedantic and possibly grouchy. Then he lists some options, because it’s in his programming to be helpful. It turns out that he’s grouchy because he’s in a great hurry to find someone who will do adventures but everyone around here is, well, a hobbit.

“Pity,” says Bilbo, and pointedly starts reading his mail.

“I’m Gandalf,” says Gandalf.

Bilbo immediately regurgitates a bunch of Gandalf Stories he’s heard. ‘You will notice already that Mr. Baggins was not quite so prosy as he liked to believe, also that he was very fond of flowers.’ Hehehe. He seems excited about “adventures” in theory but in practice wants nothing to do with them.

Gandalf threatens promises to take him on one anyway. It will be very amusing for me, Gandalf assures him. Bilbo runs inside and tries not to slam the door, because one doesn’t offend a wizard.

The next day he remembers he accidentally invited Gandalf for tea when he answers the door, but Gandalf is Dwalin the dwerrow now. (I’m experimenting with blogging The Hobbit and only using ‘dwerrow’ just to see what it would have been like). Dwalin comes in and starts hanging up his stuff, and so Bilbo has no choice but to uncertainly invite him in for tea. Another knock comes on the door while they’re having tea, but it’s still not Gandalf. It’s another dwerrow named Balin, who declares himself at Bilbo’s service.

"Thank you!" said Bilbo with a gasp. It was not the correct thing to say, but they have begun to arrive had flustered him badly. He liked visitors, but he liked to know them before they arrived, and he preferred to ask them himself. He had a horrible thought that the cakes might run short, and then he-as the host: he knew his duty and stuck to it however painful-he might have to go without.

This passage is cute. Bilbo’s social anxiety has lain dormant his entire life because he was never stressed out enough to notice it, because Hobbiton is incredibly boring. Anyway Bilbo doesn’t know what to do with interlopers, so he’s just extremely polite and gives them anything they want. Ya pushover. As more dwerrows arrive he gradually gets more polite, if not less stupidly agreeable.

Bilbo is so stressed by the logic puzzle about getting all his guests the thing they want to eat and drink that he opens the door really hard the next time, and four dwerrows fall on their faces on his doormat. One of them is Thorin, who is Very Important, and he’s pissed about this kind of welcome, but Bilbo apologizes so many times that Thorin eventually goes “please don’t worry about it.” Also Gandalf. Another fun thing I want to mention is that the dwerrows who have already come in are talking local politics ( “the depredations of dragons...”) and it makes me wonder if they’re like, not all from the same place? Is this a long-awaited reunion for them? Have most of them been away on business?

Bilbo has to run around serving the dwerrows and gets very irritated. “Confusticate these dwerrows!” he says out loud. Fili and Kili come to help bring in the plates. After a while they have to clear the table, and all the dwerrows start singing in unison either an astonishingly well-improvised or a troublingly well-researched song about how annoyed Bilbo is with their careless treatment of his dishes. Like I get that this is a musical and they’re not literally performing an impromptu musical number, but still. I like to think that Gandalf told them exactly what Bilbo Baggins Hates so they could threaten to do it. When they come back they all bring out their instruments, every one of them plays an instrument. Thorin plays harp, which means that he is my new favorite.

I did record an impromptu rendition of the song the dwerrows sing, but you don’t get to hear it because I remembered that it requires FILE FORMAT CONVERSION. Unless you twist my arm (“ask me to post it”). Bilbo likes it a lot though, it makes him feel the Adventure Emotion. Thorin refuses to let Bilbo turn on a light Because Dwerrows. Bilbo knocks something over because it’s dark, and Gandalf shushes him. Rude.

"Gandalf, dwerrows and Mr. Baggins! We are not together in the house of our friend and fellow conspirator, this most excellent and audacious hobbit - may the hair on his toes never fall out! all praise to his wine and ale! -" He paused for breath and for a polite remark from the hobbit, but the compliments were quite lost on poor Bilbo Baggins, who was wagging his mouth in protest at being called audacious and worst of all fellow conspirator, though no noise came out, he was so flummoxed.

Cute! May the hair on his toes never fall out! Thorin is much nicer when he’s drunk. Thorin goes on in a long-winded and self-important manner, but does mention that “none of us are going to come back,” whereupon the dwerrows find Bilbo having a panic attack on the rug. He is fierce as a dragon when he’s roused, Gandalf assures them. I am strongly reminded of that time Shou was like “no no Shigeo will make a GREAT attack dog you just have to kill her entire family so she’ll be mad!” Luckily for Bilbo, he doesn’t have a family at the moment. So! Tolkien takes a brief paragraph to note that one of Bilbo’s ancestors, Bullroarer Took, invented golf by accident while murdering goblins in a truly horrible way.

Bilbo, foolishly, really wants the dwerrows’ good opinion, so he says “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove myself to you!” Nobody thinks he will be a good burglar at all, except Gandalf. Do we ever find out why Gandalf chose him for this? They’ve never actually met before.

Thorin gets out a map and starts expositing at it, in a mumble. They’re trying to come up with a plan of attack for Smaug, and they ask Bilbo’s opinion, as Expert Burglar. Since he is nothing of the sort he asks “um, what’s going on?” (but with a lot of fancy words) and hopes they’ll forget he’s supposed to know anything. Thorin tells the story of Smaug’s coming, but like, it’s really clear he’s using the song as a template for his story. He uses all the same imagery and everything.

Gandalf tells about how he got the map from Thorin’s father (who he sprung from Dol Guldur) and then went off in search of Thorin to deliver it. Bilbo tries one last time to get out of going, and then everyone goes to sleep. This was a particularly dense chapter so no more for tonight.

#hey guess what everyone I got a RICE COOKER #this means I am LEGALLY AN ADULT #blog of the rings #the Ring is THERE okay

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avasilvugh · 7 years

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super-sensate-seestras replied to your post

“Who do u think the superbabies will date?? :D (also since stella looks...”

I would love to hear more about Stella and Beth's relationship drama cause I absolutely love all of these breakdowns about the superbabies

WELL FRIEND there’s other drama too but this is the Major drama that hinders their relationship for a long time

so stella know she has a crush on beth, has been like aggressively ignoring said crush and tryin to Live Her Life and its been a year since stella came out, came to terms and she’s just started her nighttime shenanigans as a vigilante, just started trying to help the way kara does, the way maia does and its going ok??? until she. you know. gets stabbed (LIGHTLY STABBED) and is like hmmm i feel as though i should reassess maybe

and then beth’s back in national city after graduating early with like three bachelors (xenobiology, nanotechnology, and engineering) and at least one masters and a corresponding doctorate (in something sciencey, listen im barely an english major), working at l-corp bc she’s a Documented Genius and stella wants to step up her vigilante game, especially since she recently was lightly stabbed and doesnt rlly want that to happen again, and beth’s always been rlly calm and steady, very logical and she keeps all of maia’s secrets, so stella approaches her a little reluctantly to see if she’s willing to help and beth gives her this long, searching look and finally agrees, designs and builds her a new suit with a shitton of gadgets, is the main reason stella starts getting called mechagirl by the press but only helps with stella’s promise that beth can then help with actual missions bc like?? beth cares about her a lot too, doesnt want to see her die ya know??

and it’s weird?? bc now she’s friends with beth in her own right??? works alongside her a lot and beth serves as her tech person, finds her jobs she can do that supergirl or birdy (maia’s superhero alter ego) haven’t gotten to yet and national city gains a new superhero pretty much bc of beth. and then its a late night of saving ppl and stella comes back to her apartment/headquarters and beth’s still there, wrapping up some end of night reports (she insists on keeping detailed logs in order to avoid any issues with the cops later on) and she’s ordered stella’s favorite takeout, put it in the oven to warm for her and stella’s so grateful and also pretty tired?? rlly tired and beth basically lives with her and sometimes the proximity blurs lines in stella’s mind and so she just leans down to kiss beth, murmurs thank you sleepily and goes into her room to change. and beth’s just sitting there?? like oh my god, the girl i’ve been in love with for months just kissed me and she doesn’t even realize it but then stella REALIZES IT and runs back out like shit im so sorry beth, that was so inappropriate of me but beths like?? wait do you not like me and stella’s like WAIT DO YOU LIKE ME????

surprise!! this is how stella finds out beth’s an alien and also how beth finds out stella’s an alien lmao. like. beth’s species has mental shields, similar to martians?? so stella’s never been able to read her or see in her mind but she never rlly tried to or even questioned it?? or even noticed bc she’s rlly empathetic anyway, reads body language rlly well, so she’s never known that beth likes her the way stella likes beth

like, later in their relationship, stella suddenly can read beth?? like rlly well and she’s like um what the hell and beth’s like oh, yeah, i stopped putting up the block and stella’s just like starry eyed like holy shit you trust me that much???

beth’s like uh yeah but dont let it go to your head you nerd

but are they smart abt this and admit their v deep feelings for one another then?? no. they just hookup and then keep hooking up, pretending like nothings changed, pretending like theyre not basically living together or doing all the shit Couples do but just refusing to tell anyone or acknowledge it at all. and it’s ok for a while?? its solid

but then stella’s suit malfunctions, gives her a nasty burn down her side and she begs beth to not tell anyone that she’s in the hospital, that she’s been hurt and beth’s like shit, stella, i can’t keep doing this bc they’re working with a budget of about eleven dollars, a starburst, and stella’s bus pass, building with shit from the scrap yard and old electronics from secondhand stores and beth wants stella to just tell her family she’s the new vigilante bc then they’d have access to better resources, then beth wouldn’t be so scared every time stella runs out to go save a family from a burning car or stop a bank robbery, but stella refuses, knows that it would be a battle to be accepted like this.

its a fight they’ve had for months before and then stella’s armor fucks up and beth just calls it. tells her that she comes clean or beth won’t help her keep almost dying, so stella tells her that she doesn’t need her and beth moves all her shit out of stella’s apartment and its all rlly quiet, subdued and its so fucking sad

she takes the job offer she has at wayne security in charm city (wink wink) and doesnt tell stella, stella finds out when she goes over to her moms and finds beth there, with maia and her moms and finn, all laughing and grinning and maia tells her that beth is getting her own department at wayne security, that she’s moving on friday and stella fakes a smile, congratulates beth before she leaves and that’s the end of it, she never sees beth again

but then stella wrecks her motorcycle. i think i mentioned once that stella is a little bit of an adrenaline junkie?? well she’s a huge adrenaline junkie and she was testing the limits of her newly redesigned bike, pushing it past 90, 120, 150 and then she just?? loses control of the motorcycle. it just spins out and stella tries to stop it, turns into the spin and pumps the brakes which slows it down enough that she doesnt just fucking die, but not so much that she’s not close to dying

beth is still her emergency contact. so beth gets the call, middle of the night, that stella danvers was in a wreck, is on the way to the hospital and that she should get here as soon as possible. but beth is a ten hour drive away and can’t possibly know that she’d get there soon enough, be there if....if it came down to stella not being alone. and. well. its not her place, never was. so she calls lena, tells her the emts called the last number stella called bc its so much easier that way, kinder to everyone she thinks

she still drives through the night to national city. gets there just a little after maia does, her eyes red and puffy from sobbing on the freeway, hands shaking a little. thank god no one asks why she’s there or why she’s this panicked, bc she’d probably tell them and she knows that’s the last thing stella would want (or, well. she thinks that at least). maia just sobs out that beth is the best friend for coming, holds onto her in this desperate, damp sort of hug and beth just stays quiet

beth doesnt stay after she finds out stella woke up, is going to be okay. she can’t right?? she shouldnt be here in the first place right??

so maia stays in national city to help stella in her recovery bc stella’s being stubborn and refuses to move back in with their moms, and maia figures most of her moping is to do with the fact she’s not allowed anywhere near her motorcycle anymore, but then she finds this one shirt that she knows is beth’s, knows beth has had since high school and its tucked under stella’s pillow and she puts it together pretty quickly. the way they were friends and then all of a sudden they werent, the way beth came running back to nc the second stella got hurt, that weird pulse of anger, hurt she felt when stella found out beth was moving to charm city. and like??? she doesnt know what to do with that information, she’s not sure what to feel or how to think about this so she just files it away for a later time, tucks the shirt back under stella’s pillow without saying anything

so eventually stella gets convinced to move back home, bc maia’s like hey. i dont mind living with you and i dont mind helping you, but the neighbors are starting to think its weird that i carry you up the three flights of stairs to your apartment every day so finally stella moves home and maia comes with her bc they’re finally in a good place again?? they finally worked things out between them from when they were kids and maia’s not about to leave stella, not when stella’s like finally started seeing her as another Certified Safe Place. so they’re back in their childhood bedrooms and then lena finds out about stella’s vigilantism. mostly by accident?? stella’s still p much out of commission until her body’s at a 100 percent again but lena finds the mask and its a whole Thing between them, the first time stella’s ever really fought with lena and then by natural extension, kara finds out and then maia clues in and then the whole family has an opinion on it and stella’s just like MCFUCK OFF

and maia?? is like desperately scared for her sister, and she’s angry and she’s hurt that she didn’t tell her, didnt think that she would do anything to help her, but she also knows how isolated stella feels, how helpless she must be feeling, how stuck she is, so she calls beth

and when beth is beating around the bush with it, playing dumb like idk why you’d call me?? stella and i really aren’t that close, maia just calls her out on it like. elizabeth, i know for a fact you were sleeping with my sister

yeah, oh. i have some words to share with you at a later date, but right now stella needs someone in her corner and that can’t be me

and beth doesnt like. doesnt even hesitate. she drives her shitty beat up jetta the ten hours it takes to get from charm city to national city and gets a shitty hotel and is so, so nervous?? bc what if stella doesnt want her here?? what if she never wants to see beth again??? but then maia’s texting, saying that the house is empty if she wants to talk to stella and she does, she really does, like? she didnt realize how big of a part of her life stella was until she was gone, until she had moved to a new city and met new people like she’s completely in love with stella, so she goes

stella opens the door and just stares for a second before she says that maia’s out for a while but beth just keeps looking at her and finally says it outright, says i’m here to see you, stella like its the most obvious thing in the world and stella’s so tired, she’s starting to close the door and she’s saying i dont need another lecture, i’ve had enough of those for a lifetime and beth lets her close it, knows her well enough to know she wont walk away from the door before beth does, so she calls through and says im not here to lecture you, stell. i just. i wanted to see you

the door opens

and its incredibly uncomfortable for a while, incredibly tense and when beth tries to ask her what’s going on, stella just hisses what, like you care? and beth like?? normally would fire back with something, normally would let this blow up into a fight but she’s thought about it, she really has, and she knows that any time she can have with stella is better than no time at all. that she’d rather take stella as she is, thrill seeking and too good for words and hard headed in the extreme, take the risks that come with her than have anything else. so beth nods. yeah. i care. i care a lot about you stella, and i shouldnt have forced you to make a decision like i did. but its scary when the girl you love doesnt see the same value in her life that you do and it was terrifying watching you leave every night and not being sure if i would wake up to your face on the news

and stella’s like?? shit. shIT, didn’t account for this at all. but beth is very steady, is giving her this even-keeled look, keeping her eyes on stella but not forcing eye contact and she finally stands, gets ready to leave

and she tells stella i love you. and believe me when i say that transcends boundaries like platonic and romantic. i love you, stella danvers, and i will always be here for you, in whatever way you want me to be and then she’s leaving

and stella has a choice to make, two paths she can take and she stands a little unsteadily and grabs beth’s hand and pulls her back

and she’s like im still pretty stupid, you’re aware of that, right? and beth laughs, refutes the statement as she rests her forehead against stella’s. you’re not stupid, stella, never stupid. a little dense sometimes... and stella laughs too before she admits, finally, i love you too, genius. and i dont think i can keep doing this without you? and she tries to backpedal, bc she’s worried she’s being manipulative or something but beth just shakes her head, says im going to kiss you now, ok? and stella’s nodding fast, tears finally starting to fall when it all hits her and then they’re kissing for the first time in six months and theyre maybe still kissing when everyone comes home and maia groans bc like i texted you specifically so i could avoid seeing this ugh you guuuyyysssss

#super-sensate-seestras #reply #supergirl #superbabies #stella danvers

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mveloc · 7 years

Text

Days of Why and How

Chapter 4

Author’s Note: We finally get the much-anticipated meeting between the two! Also, a heads up--this chapter is just a little NSFW ;) Thank you all for your continued support, for the much appreciated feedback and love that you’ve shown me. Enjoy!

“We’ve just gotta lay low for a little while. The cops aren’t onto us.”

Cosima nearly rolls her eyes at the comment, filling up the pint glass from the tap at the bar. She passes it to Sarah, then repeats the process for Felix. As soon as the two have their beers in hand, they wander back over to their usual table and Cosima steps out from behind the bar to follow them. It’s still fairly early on a weeknight and the bar is quiet aside from a couple of other patrons who’ve already been tended to, so Cosima takes the time to sit down with her friends for a few minutes to hammer out some details.

“And how do you know that?” Felix asks, casually sipping his beer.

Cosima is curious, as well. It’s been three days since their failed attempt and they haven’t heard anything about it. From what she can tell, everything is quiet—too quiet. Why hasn’t she heard anything in the news? Why haven’t the cops tried to contact her?

“Marion’s been keeping her eye out,” Sarah replies. “She says she’s on damage control—she’ll take care of it.”

Cosima doesn’t understand how Sarah can put so much trust in this Marion woman; she doesn’t know anything about her but from what they’ve able to piece together, Marion is about as shady as they come. Even if Sarah is right—if Marion is somehow taking care of their fuck up and sweeping it under the rug—how is she supposed to just stand by and wait?

“Just relax,” Sarah mutters, gulping down her beer.

Cosima fumes.

“How am I supposed to relax? I have a record, Sarah!” she snaps. “Wouldn’t it seem suspicious to you if a high-end security system was hacked just a couple of weeks after I’ve been released? I went to prison for a job just like this! Any cop with half a brain in their head would be dragging my ass in for questioning right about now.”

She knows she needs to play it cool but the truth is, she’s been an anxious mess. Their botched operation only has a small part to do with it, though; she’s more anxious over Delphine’s involvement in the entire thing and what this could possibly mean for her.

“This isn’t going to come back to you, Cos. I promise,” Sarah reiterates.

“You can’t promise me that,” Cosima mumbles, shaking her head.

She’s heard that promise before and by now she’s learned better than to trust it.

Sarah’s expression softens, her eyes shining with sympathy. She understands where Cosima is coming from and realizes that her concerns are completely valid, but she also knows that she needs to keep her friend from slinking down into the dumps; she can’t allow Cosima to panic and wallow in thoughts of prison and Delphine and all of her failures.

“This Marion bitch, she’s pretty powerful. She's got some sort of pull in law enforcement—that’s what she told me,” Sarah says, trying to put Cosima’s mind at ease. “She says she’ll make sure the cops never tie it back to any of us.”

“If she’s so powerful, why doesn’t she steal the fucking files herself?” Felix asks.

Cosima nods, agreeing with younger man.

“I dunno,” Sarah shrugs. “But for 200k—who cares?”

“I care,” Cosima counters. “Besides, we don’t even have the 200k. We botched the job, remember? You can kiss that money goodbye.”

After something like this, DYAD would undoubtedly be updating their security system and taking the necessary precautions to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. Completing this job the first time proved to be a difficult task and that was before DYAD even knew there was trouble afoot. Now that they know they have enemies trying to rob them? It’s going to be nearly impossible.

“Marion says we may have another shot, but it’s gonna take her a little while to get everything sorted. She says she’ll call me once everything’s back in line.”

Cosima laughs at her friend’s irrational words.

“What? You’ve got cold feet now?” Sarah ask, clearly annoyed.

“We got lucky, Sarah. Assuming she comes through and this somehow doesn’t get back to us, we won’t be so lucky if we fuck it up a second time,” Cosima argues.

“We’re not gonna fuck it up a second time,” Sarah throws back. “Once we have more details, we’ll be able to do it right.”

“DYAD knows someone’s trying to rob them. They’ll be expecting us. What was it you taught me all those years ago? “The trick is, you gotta hit ’em when they least expect it?” Isn’t what you’re suggesting, like, the complete antithesis to your entire thief dogma?”

“Cosima’s got a point,” Felix nods. “If they’re expecting you, we’re going to have to approach this in an entirely different way.”

“Thank you!” Cosima exclaims, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

Sarah frowns, draining the rest of her glass.

“Not to mention that our favourite backstabbing bitch is back in the picture, too,” Felix adds. “How does Delphine play into all of this?”

The very mention of her name causes Cosima’s body to lock up.

“Would you both just forget about Delphine?” Sarah asks, her irritation building fast.

“Oh, I think we’d all like to forget about her, but if she’s also after those files, she probably knows something that we don’t,” Felix says.

He’s got a point.

Cosima’s never met anyone quite as meticulous as her ex. Delphine simply doesn’t operate in the dark. When she runs a job, she has all of the details sorted out before she even considers setting foot in the building. She has no idea what Delphine has been up to these last five years, but it’s clear that she’s still in the game and if she’s after the same thing that Marion is, she probably has a better idea of what’s going on than Sarah.

Cosima shifts uncomfortably in her chair, crossing and uncrossing her legs. Who would have thought things would turn out this way? That Delphine would be reintroduced into her life like this? Even though Sarah had told her to stay away, she knows it’s only a matter of time before their paths inevitably cross again.

They have to.

She used to think that maybe, one day, when she was finally ready to confront her ex head-on, she would look her up and track her down. She would arrive at Delphine’s doorstep and for once catch the blonde off guard. She would be cool and composed as the two of them finally spoke, clearing the air between them once and for all like adults. By the end of the conversation, she’ll have said her piece and be able to move on without looking back.

That was the ideal resolution to all of this bullshit.

She doesn’t want to be angry anymore. She doesn’t want to feel heartbroken or betrayed. She just wants to understand—to be able to look back at everything with a clear mind. She doesn't want to flinch every time she hears Delphine’s name.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Sarah spits, her voice reclaiming Cosima’s attention.

Confused, Cosima follows the punk’s angry gaze across the bar to one of the very familiar pool tables where she spots Delphine running a hand along the table’s cloth as her eyes quickly scan the area. As soon as the blonde’s eyes land on their table, Cosima quickly averts her gaze, bowing her head to try and hide.

“Shit—shit!” she whispers harshly, bubbling with panic. “What do I do?”

“Nothing. Don’t react,” Felix tells her, assuming his best pokerface. “Just play it cool.”

“You don’t think she’ll come over here, do you?”

She’s supposed to be working and she knows she’ll eventually have to go back to tending the bar, but how is she supposed to do her job with Delphine here? She dares to steal another quick glance from over her shoulder and spots the blonde slowly approaching.

“Just keep your head down. Act normal,” Sarah tells her.

Cosima nods, keeping her head low and back turned.

“Um… hello.”

Delphine’s voice is much softer than she remembers. She thinks maybe the European is trying to shrink herself down to size, to present herself as a non-threat so that Cosima will actually engage with her.

“Oh, don’t you dare even start,” Sarah snaps.

Cosima tries to discreetly steal another glance of the blonde from over her shoulder and when she does, she briefly makes eye contact with her before whipping her head back around and averting her gaze to the table.

“C-Cosima?” Delphine asks, her voice uncertain.

“Keep walking,” Felix interjects, matching Sarah’s death glare in an attempt to ward the temptress off.

Delphine’s eyes dart back and fourth between the siblings. She draws her lower lip in, chewing absently as she assesses the situation. Sarah and Felix have made absolutely no attempt to hide their contempt and she knows that she’s outnumbered, that she lacks the home field advantage. She remembers Sarah being rabid at times and completely unpredictable and she doesn’t want this meeting to escalate, but she also knows that she can’t walk away without speaking to Cosima. She decides to ignore the siblings for now, her gaze shifting back to Cosima.

“Sarah said you were out and I—I needed to see you,” she says, stepping closer so that the brunette can no longer avoid her.

Cosima sighs, giving up the charade. She lifts her head to gaze up at the blonde, their eyes finally connecting. As soon as Cosima opens her mouth to speak, Sarah immediately cuts her off.

“No! Don’t you say anything!” she snaps.

She immediately closes her mouth again, Sarah’s wrath silencing her.

“Can we talk?” Delphine tries, her voice bordering on desperate.

“She’s got nothing to say to you, you lying twat,” Sarah spits again.

Cosima knows that Sarah is right, that she doesn’t owe Delphine anything at all. She should probably just tell her to fuck off and carry on with the night. She knows they need to have a conversation, but that conversation doesn’t have to happen now, does it? Maybe she’ll leave Delphine dangling for a while just as the French woman left her for five years. Maybe then she’ll know what it feels like.

Delphine frowns, running a hand through her hair.

“Look, I know you’re probably upset with me—”

“Probably?” Cosima scoffs.

She knows she shouldn’t speak, but she can’t keep the biting comment to herself. Delphine is surprisingly calm about all of this and while she’s always known the blonde to be level-headed, she was expecting a little more … something? She isn’t sure. She certainly wasn’t expecting Delphine to just walk into the bar she used to regular and waltz right up to her like a goddamn missionary asking for a moment of her time.

“Could you please just give me a chance?” Delphine pleads.

Cosima bows her head again, her eyes clamping shut as she tries to process her thoughts and reach a conclusion. What is she supposed to do? Should she listen to Sarah and tell her to take a hike? Or should she see this through? She has to have this conversation eventually, so why not now? Because she’s not prepared. But will she ever really be prepared for what’s about to happen? Probably not. But what if Delphine is finally going to explain herself? What if she’ll finally be rewarded the answers to all of the questions that have been haunting her for these last five years? Isn’t that worth an awkward conversation with an ex? When she looks up back at Delphine again, her hazel eyes silently pleading, she can sense the desperation emanating off of her in waves and it’s something she’s never experienced before. She realizes that maybe she’s not as powerless as she thinks—maybe she does have some power over Delphine that she can use after all. Maybe she isn’t going into this weaponless.

“Okay,” she agrees.

Everyone seems surprised with her decision—even Delphine. Sarah and Felix are gaping and furious as the hacker completely undermines their act.

“Seriously, Cos?” Sarah asks.

She knows that Sarah is just trying to protect her, that she’s doing what she thinks is right for her, but this is something that she has to work through without the help of her family. She knows that deep down, Sarah and Felix understand this. That’s why she’s able to stand, bringing herself closer to Delphine’s height as they remain locked in stare.

“Let’s go.”

Cosima leads her through the bar, completely ignoring the glares of Sarah and Felix. She pushes through the “employees only” door to find Bobby on the other side, the other woman shooting her a confused look—a look which quickly shifts into shock as soon as she notices Delphine following behind her. Bobby is fully aware of their history and Cosima can tell that she’s tempted to say something, but the bartender has enough sense to keep her comments to herself and look the other way while Cosima leads Delphine out through the back door.

Once they’re standing in the alleyway, Cosima finally stops. She summons all the courage she can muster, taking a deep breath before turning around to finally face Delphine properly for the first time in five years.

A beat of silence passes.

The two take the moment to give each other a once over, to confirm that they are, in fact, face-to-face with each other again. Delphine doesn’t look very different from the last time they saw each other—her hair is quite a bit longer but aside from that, she’s exactly as Cosima remembers her… and judging from the smile on the blonde’s face, Delphine’s thoughts seem to mirror her own.

“You look well,” Delphine says with a curt nod.

Cosima folds her arms over her chest.

“You didn’t come here to talk about how good I look,” she mutters with a frown, dismissing her former lover’s compliment.

Delphine nods again.

“I… I wanted to apologize,” is all she says. “I can’t imagine what these last five years must have been like for you.”

Cosima scoffs.

“Well, if you had bothered to call or visit or even write me a fucking letter, maybe you would.”

Her anger is beginning to rise to the surface and even though she knows Delphine definitely deserves to experience her full wrath, she tries her hardest to maintain the loose grip she’s kept for so long. She doesn’t want to give her ex the satisfaction—to let her see that even though it’s been five years, the French woman still has any sort of control over her emotions.

“You’re right,” Delphine says quietly, acknowledging her anger.

Cosima is shocked, although she does her best to hide this fact. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she agreed to this conversation, but this certainly wasn’t it. Delphine taking responsibility for her fuck ups? That certainly seems out of character. Maybe she really has changed in the last five years… or maybe this is just another manipulation. Cosima isn’t sure what to think anymore.

“I should have… I should have done something,” Delphine admits, her gaze directed at the ground in what appears to be shame. “I should have been there for you, like you were for me.”

Cosima inhales a sharp breath, her lower lip trembling.

“Then why weren’t you?” she asks, her control quickly slipping.

Delphine lifts her gaze again.

“I was young. I was scared. I panicked,” she explains

She chews on her bottom lip and runs a hand through her hair just as she always did before when she found herself in a difficult situation—when she was upset and trying to hold herself together. Cosima easily picks up on this, but even still, she has a hard time feeling sympathy for her ex-girlfriend.

“What about me?” she throws back in her face, voice beginning to rise. “You think I wasn’t scared? You think every day I spent in there was a fucking picnic?”

“Of course not! I know that!” Delphine bursts.

Her voice seems to echo through the alleyway, bouncing off the narrow walls and slamming into the brunette, trapping them both. Cosima can almost taste the guilt radiating off the French woman and while she’d really like to laugh and shrug it off, she can’t deny it—she’s effected.

Another beat of silence passes.

Cosima’s chest is heaving as she tries to stop herself from both screaming and crying. Delphine’s lower lip is quivering now, her eyes glossy. She clears her throat, taking a page from Cosima’s book and trying to reel in her emotions which are swiftly spiralling out of her control.

“I don’t want to fight, Cosima,” she sighs, her voice wavering with exhaustion. “I’m just happy to see you again. I’m happy you’re free.”

There’s a sincerity to her voice that Cosima can’t help but notice. She shifts back and forth on her feet as she tries to find a greater stability, to keep the ground from falling out beneath her. The air is nippy and she hugs herself a little tighter to keep the autumn chill out (or to trap the heat of their reunion inside).

“What about you?” she shrugs, trying her hardest to appear uninterested. “What kept you so busy that you couldn’t send me a single letter?”

In her heart she already knows the answer but she needs to hear it from Delphine’s mouth.

“I’m… I’m still working for Leekie.”

Cosima can’t help but laugh this time.

“Right. Should have figured,” she nods.

“He’s… sort of made me his partner,” Delphine continues, clearly hesitant to reveal too much for fear of striking a chord. “I’m his second-in-command, I suppose.”

“Wow,” Cosima laughs again. “Worked your way all the way up, huh?”

Delphine frowns.

Even though Cosima laughs and shrugs her off, she can see through the smokescreen rather easily. Cosima has always been like this; instead of tackling her problems head-on and actually acknowledging that she’s upset, she tries to feign apathy. They’ve danced this dance a hundred times before and while Delphine is tempted to call her out, she understands that they aren’t quite on that level yet.

“I’m happy you’re back,” Delphine changes to subject. “I was surprised when I saw Sarah—when I heard her say your name.”

“Yeah, well, me too.”

Delphine smiles.

“I didn’t expect any of this, but I’m happy—really happy,” she adds, taking a step closer. “Happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

When Cosima dares to meet her gaze again, she finds a warmth in the blonde’s eyes that she’s fallen into way too many times in the past much like a puddle, stubbornly refusing (or conveniently forgetting) to acknowledge the abyss she knows is hiding beneath. Maybe this time will be different, she told herself every time as she launched herself into the air like an eager child with a brand new pair of rain boots on the first day of spring, enamoured by the thought of creating the biggest splash… and yet, every single time she found herself sucked into the depths of Delphine like quicksand, left to struggle and drown.

Not this time.

“I’m going back inside,” she says quietly, gesturing towards the door. “I’m sort of in the middle of work.”

She goes to move, to step around her ex-girlfriend, but Delphine is quicker.

“Wait!” she calls out, grabbing Cosima’s arm.

Cosima stops.

She stares down at Delphine’s hand on her arm, a shock ripping through her. At first she thinks it’s anger—anger that after everything, Delphine thinks she can waltz back into her life like the Queen of England, full of influence and demands. Or maybe it’s sense memory—Delphine’s touch pulling her back to an easier time where she both welcomed and craved it. Whatever it is, she knows she’s much too tired to deal with it right now.

“What do you want, Delphine?” she asks, her voice laced with a touch of anger but mostly exhaustion.

“I just want to talk to you,” Delphine says simply, searching her gaze with pleading eyes.

Her hand lingers on Cosima’s arm, thumb gently brushing over the skin she finds. Cosima stares at it for another second.

“Well, I don’t have anything to say to you.”

She shrugs out of Delphine’s grasp but before she can make another move towards the door, Delphine quickly slots herself between her and her destination.

“I don’t believe that,” Delphine presses.

Delphine was always far too astute for her own good. It was one of the things that Cosima initially found attractive about her; there was simply no dancing around the woman—as a con artist, she could see through most ploys with relative ease, or at least she always saw through Cosima whenever the brunette would hesitate.

Cosima sighs.

There are about a hundred things she could say to Delphine—that she thought she wanted to say—but standing in front of her right now, she realizes that it isn’t as important as she once thought. All of those conversations that she’d rehearsed in her head begin to melt away. Sure, she could kick and scream and unleash all of her frustration upon the blonde, but what good would that really do either of them? What good is any of it? Did she really expect any sort of closure from this? Is that why she agreed to have this conversation in the first place?

“Look, I’m happy that everything worked out for you—that you got everything you ever wanted—but I’m over it,” she says. “I don’t need this shit in my life anymore, okay? I’m trying to pull myself together and start over. I don’t need this.”

Now it’s her turn to search the blonde.

Delphine blinks a few times, digesting Cosima’s words. She nods slowly, but Cosima isn’t certain that Delphine is really capable of understanding what it is she’s trying to say—or maybe she doesn’t want to understand. It’s a curious thing, watching the French woman struggle—seeing her at a loss for the very first time since they’ve known each other. Delphine has always been so sure of herself and in this moment of truth, she seems… much smaller than Cosima remembers—vulnerable, somehow.

Cosima cocks her head, trying to unravel her ex-girlfriend’s expression. It isn’t like before, when they were much younger. This isn’t a pokerface—rather the opposite; it isn’t the absence of emotion on the blonde’s face, rather the mixture and clash of so many different ones that has captured Cosima’s attention.

“Can we… be friends? Maybe?” Delphine tries.

“Friends?” Cosima asks incredulously. “You wanna be friends?”

They’ve never been friends. Delphine had said it herself many years ago. It was always more with them, always would be more. Delphine Cormier didn’t know how to have friends and judging by the hesitation in her voice, by the confusion in her eyes, she still hasn't figured it out after so many years.

“I still care about you, Cosima,” she whispers.

Cosima freezes.

She wants to launch herself into Delphine’s arms and hold her until the last five years bleed out of her memory. She wants take those words, fashion them into a knife and slip them quietly but surely between the blonde’s ribs until she strikes her heart. She wants to sigh in relief and scream in frustration at the very same time.

What is she supposed to do with that?

“Unbelievable,” Cosima mutters, shaking her head.

After all this time, without even a real explanation as to why the blonde had abandoned her in the first place, Delphine throws this at her? This was definitely not what she was expecting and before she does something she might regret, she rushes out of the alley as fast as she can, pushing through the door, leaving Delphine.

+ + + + +

“Okay, that’s enough!” Sarah barks, making no attempt to hide her displeasure. “Give someone else a chance to play, yeah?”

The punk stands on the other side of the table, Tony at her side sipping on a Budweiser, the two of them watching as things heat up between the cheeky brunette and her femme fatale. They’re four games deep and tied at two a piece, both determined to emerge victorious and defend their reputations.

“In a minute!” Cosima dismisses her, chalking the end of her cue as she prepares herself for the next game. “We’ve gotta settle this once and for all.”

“Settle what?” Tony asks.

“Who’s the better player,” Delphine answers.

They’ve been going back and forth all night; Cosima had managed to claim the first game as retribution for her very first defeat against the blonde, but Delphine had stepped her game up to claim the second. The third game had been neck-and-neck with Cosima narrowly beating out the European and at that point, Delphine had insisted upon five games to settle the score. Cosima was tempted to turn her down and walk away with her title (she did win their initially agreed upon two out of three games), but she found herself unable to defend against Delphine’s puppy dog pout. Delphine had managed to completely disarm her and steal the fourth game, so now all there’s left to do is for one of them to deliver the finishing blow.

“Who cares?” Sarah rolls her eyes.

While Tony is infinitely more amused by the power play that’s unfolding before him, neither him nor Sarah are particularly invested in the outcome. Delphine eyes Cosima from across the table, her gaze deep and penetrating, bordering on predatory. Cosima tries her hardest to ignore it, shielding herself behind a cocky grin that she hopes will knock the blonde off her stride.

“One last game. Winner takes all,” Delphine says, voice low and almost menacing.

Cosima’s smirk vanishes the second she notices the blonde lick her lips, never breaking eye contact. She knows that look—she spent last weekend getting well-acquainted with it. She feels a flush begin to rise up her neck and she prays to God that her face isn’t burning bright red right now.

“You know, I didn’t come here to watch you two eye-fuck each other all night and hog the bloody table,” Sarah mutters.

Her words fall on deaf ears as Cosima’s gaze remains focused on Delphine’s mouth and she tightens her grip on the cue. The corners of Delphine’s lips twitch into the very briefest of smiles before she places her cue on the table.

“Fair enough,” she shrugs.

Cosima immediately snaps out of her spell when she notices Delphine’s resignation.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

Delphine stalks toward her, each step heavy with purpose—almost as heavy as the look in her eyes which nearly sucks the air out of Cosima’s lungs.

“Bathroom,” she whispers harshly as she brushes by Cosima.

“But… but we’ve got a score to settle!”

“We do.”

She watches—awestruck—as Delphine saunters away from her without even bothering to look back. She disappears into the woman’s bathroom and the three of them are left standing in her wreckage like survivors of a category five.

“What the hell are you waiting for?” Tony asks, nudging Cosima.

Cosima places her cue down on the table.

“Should… should I follow her?”

Tony flashes her a dumbfounded look.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“Right, right. Okay,” she nods, hurrying after the blonde.

She doesn’t do stuff like this.

While she’s always considered herself a free spirit in many ways, she’s never been the girl who meets random strangers in a bar and then follows them home for a night of no-strings-attached passion. All of her past girlfriends had been friends first, their relationships slowly crafted over a period of time. She just wasn’t the kind of person who threw herself headfirst into someone else, but Delphine’s rewritten all the rules.

Just what are they, exactly?

She’d gone home with Delphine after the blonde had defeated her in a quick game of pool and they’d spent the entire weekend entangled in each other like love-starved teenagers. When Monday morning finally rolled around, Cosima had crawled out of Delphine’s bed, slipped into her clothes and ventured off to class as she usually did. Sarah had instructed her to play it cool, that a girl like Delphine didn't like to feel smothered and if she was really interested in pursuing something with her, she’d have to let Delphine define the boundaries. They hadn’t brought up the “girlfriend” topic at all during the course of their weekend together, but then again, they didn’t do much talking at all. All she knows is that there’s definitely something there between them and Delphine must feel it too, otherwise she wouldn’t have reappeared at Cosima’s regular bar the very next Friday with no notice to challenge her to another game of pool.

Cosima knocks three times on the door to the woman’s bathroom and is instantly drawn in, the door swinging open and Delphine reaching out to grab her. Once she’s inside, Delphine locks the door and slams her up against it, their lips clashing together.

“So I guess this means you like me, huh?” Cosima pants, trying desperately to catch her breath as Delphine breaks their kiss to trail her lips down the column of her neck.

“Something like that,” Delphine murmurs.

She nips at Cosima’s neck, teethmarks still faintly imprinted and the flesh still slightly bruised from their encounter last weekend. Cosima groans, burying her hands in the pile of silky, golden locks atop the French girl’s head as Delphine sinks her teeth a little deeper, branding her again. She could care less about pool, about her flimsy reputation or the fact that Sarah and Tony are most likely snickering amongst themselves on the other side of the door; all that matters is the warmth that’s settled in the pit of her stomach—a warmth that is quickly starting to rise, to spread throughout the rest of her body like a fever. Delphine’s hands cup the swell of her breasts through her shirt and bra and Cosima bites down hard on her lower lip to stifle herself, lashes fluttering as her arousal begins to overwhelm her.

The craziest place she’s ever had sex before now was in the back of her car after prom and it had been an awkward experience to say the least. Despite the less-than-ideal location, there’s absolutely nothing awkward about her current coupling with the blonde; Delphine is as graceful a lover as she is an enthusiastic one, her hands knowing exactly where and when to touch, her lips finding the most sensitive spots on Cosima’s body with ease. There isn’t any awkward fumbling, any uncertainty or hesitation. They fit together so naturally that it’s hard for Cosima to imagine herself with anyone else, be it past, present or future.

“I wanna taste you again,” Cosima moans with a lick of her lips.

The words slip out of her mouth and she’s completely unaware of them until she feels Delphine’s body freeze, the blonde halting her ministrations completely. A tiny sigh escapes her lips before they abandon Cosima’s neck. Her hands retreat from fondling Cosima’s breasts and she straightens her spine, standing tall. Even though there are only a few inches between them, at her full height it seems as if she towers over Cosima, boxing her in. The brunette catches a dangerous glint in Delphine’s eyes and she repeats herself once more.

“I wanna taste you,” she breathes, leaning in for another kiss.

Delphine stops her.

“Then get on your knees.”

Cosima’s confused expression immediately shifts when she hears the throaty words slide from her lover’s mouth. The heat that’s been rising in her belly explodes now and her knees go weak, wetness rushing directly to her core. No further incentive required, Cosima drops to her knees and immediately begins hiking up the blonde’s dress, a strangled yet satisfied moan escaping from her when she realizes that Delphine has so conveniently neglected to wear underwear.

She doesn’t have to look up to know that the French girl is grinning from ear-to-ear.

“I guess this means you like me, huh?” Delphine teases, her hands finding Cosima’s dreads, hips bucking in anticipation.

Cosima grins, placing a series of kisses along Delphine’s inner thighs before she hones in on her prize.

“Something like that.”

#cophine #cophine fanfic #fanfiction #days of why and how

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