#and YET i am forced to go to work tomorrow instead

[foramoment-whenimdancing-iamfree]

just want to lay in bed with 3-5 other partners, watch some movies, eat some junk food, and maybe smooch a bit

#and YET i am forced to go to work tomorrow instead #the world is cruel #polyamory #poly feels

[papercorgiworld]

Whipped for their tutor II: A Reward

Mattheo, Theo and Enzo

Tutoring the Slytherin boys isn’t easy, so you use the fact that they’re absolutely whipped as a way to motivate them. 

Find part one here, but you don’t have to read it. There’s not that much plot.

Warning: suggestive and a little bit of smut

This took longer than necessary just because it took me a week to come up with something for Enzo. Also, little announcement, I'm gonna mix requests instead of work chronological because I'm struggling with inspiration and I wanna write things I can instead of stay stuck on the things I can't, because I'm short on time atm, but I should get to all of them eventually. Happy readings! Have a lovely weekend!

“Mate, quidditch practice, remember?” Blaise’s face appears by the door as he looks at his friend.

Mattheo

He looks up from his book and nods at Blaise. “Right, I gotta go.” Mattheo says, turning to face you as he slams his book shut. 

“Your work isn’t finished yet.” You state and meet his eyes, a small smile tugging on your lips as you play to win this situation. Mattheo looks at Blaise and back to you, he smiles at your silly comment, quidditch was way more important than studying. “I can’t miss quidditch training.” Mattheo argues.

You pout and your teasing eyes lock with his. Blaise notices Mattheo’s face going red, but what Blaise doesn’t know is that it’s because your hand is resting on Mattheo’s crotch. Softly your hand moves and you feel his member twitch. Such a sensitive boy. “On second thought,” Mattheo’s voice comes out almost squeaky and he forces a cough to regain compose “I’m not allowed to play the game if I don’t pass tomorrow’s test so I better study.” 

Blaise knows better than to ask questions and simply nods before leaving. “Such a good student.” The words drip off your lips as Mattheo’s eyes land on your lips. “If you put in a few more hours of studying then you’ll nail tomorrow’s test. And Matty, if you get an A I’ll give you a little reward.” Your words are a seductive whisper and you know you’re doing it right when you feel Mattheo get harder. Your hand moves over the bulge in his pants and like the good student Mattheo is, his eyes fall from you to the pages of his summary. 

You notice his blush and his hard swallow. He was trying his best to focus, but struggling with hardness in his pants and your hand. Seeing him like this, you couldn’t deny it, it turned you on a little as well. He was so fun to play with. “Maybe it’s best I let you study alone for today.” You whisper close to his ear and his puppy eyes meet yours. He doesn’t want you to leave. “I feel you’re … a little distracted.” You say lips almost brush his ear as your hand strokes him member one last time before moving away. “Good luck.” You say and you kiss his cheek, staining his face with your lipstick. Maybe she didn’t notice… Mattheo stares down at his crotch. Who am I kidding! Why am I so sensitive to her? Salazar, she drives me crazy!

***

Mattheo was really excited when the professor returned his test a few days later. When he spotted you talking to your friend in the hallway that same day he wanted to offer you his test but worried he would look like a fool he decided against it, cursing himself for being so needy for you. He needed your praise, he thought about it almost every night, but his ego kept him from begging for it.

So he eagerly waited for the next tutoring session and his eagerness was obvious to you since he was early. You walk into the classroom and are surprised to find Mattheo seated with his books out on the table. When he sees you walk in he gets up and smiles at you and you can’t help but smile at how whipped he is. “I got an A.” He blurs out before you even get the chance to sit down. You lick your lips and Mattheo feels his face heat up. Salazar, I sound desperate. I can’t even think with her around. You take a step closer to him and you lean suggestively close. Mattheo tries to meet your lips but you teasingly avoid the kiss. You chuckle softly, making him flustered, moving to whisper in his ear. “What did you think your reward would be?” 

Mattheo swallows and his eyes lock with yours. “You.” He breathes, not hiding his desire for you. While waiting for you in this classroom filled with sexual tension Mattheo’s mind and body had gone wild with anticipation for what his reward could be. Every possible fantasy of the past weeks had shot through his mind as he had waited for you, for his reward.  “You think that you can have me because you had one good test?” You raise an eyebrow. “An A+.” He specifies and he immediately feels embarrassed by how pathetic he must sound, trying to impress you with his grades. However, he manages to snap out of his embarrassment and regains some of his composure. With a slight teasing tone to his voice he speaks up. “You said I would get a reward.” He does his best to sound confident and you’re almost impressed by how good he sells it. 

Your hand moves over his chest and lower, pressing your chest against his. “Well, as a reward you don’t have to pretend like you’re not rock hard, you can take care of yourself.” He’s baffled. His mouth opens to say something but nothing comes out. “Sit.” You command and he does so without thinking. You sit down as well and slowly unbuckle his belt, knowing that you’ll find his cock hard once again. “Now, there, treat yourself.” You say almost mocking him. His eyes stay focused on yours as his hand slowly and hesitantly moves towards his member. Your eyes meet his and you feel yourself drawn to his pretty eyes. You lean in and Mattheo’s eyes fall to your lips as his hand slowly strokes his dick. He was so turned on by you, but he barely dared to make a move, afraid that you would reject him if he didn’t play it right. 

Almost brushing his lips you halt and let your eyes fall down to his hand jerking his rather large size. You let your hand rest on his thigh, making him bite his lip. “You’re quite impressive.” You whisper and Mattheo grips his cock a little hard. You loved how needy he was for your praise, for you, but he hated how much control you had over him.

Theodore

You sit opposite of Theo and don’t see Blaise, but still roll your eyes. How dare he interrupt your tutoring session. Obviously your tutoring was more important than quidditch. Theo gathers his papers and you tilt your head, when he looks up at Blaise to say something you quickly move your leg. Theodore’s eyes widen as your elegant heels move between his thighs. Your tongue slowly wets your lips as the slytherin’s eyes meet yours. You notice how his chest heaves and you have to keep yourself from smirking, but you play it professional and look at him through your lashes. Blaise coughs as he waits for a response from his friend. “I can’t.” Theodore finally answers, but there’s a hint of reluctance in his voice. He hated giving into you, but he just could not help himself. He needed to stay and see if he had a chance with you. 

Blaise nods and disappears, making you smile proudly at Theodore. You don’t say anything and remove your high heels from between Theo’s legs, making him relax a bit. When he doesn’t return his attention to his pages but rather continues to stare at you, you get up from your seat and walk over to him. Your hands rest on his shoulder, massaging them gently before letting your hands slip down under his loosened shirt to his chest. “You really need to pass that transfiguration test so you better focus.” Your taunting whisper makes Theo lick his lip as his mind wanders to all the things he would rather do than focus.

When you still don’t get the right response you lean down so your lips brush his ear. “Be a good student. I like good students. If you work through all chapters by tonight you might earn yourself a reward.” You let a hand rest just above his belt as your other hand grabs his chin, making him face you. “Can you do that for me?” You're toying with him and he knows it, but he wants to be your toy so badly. The last bit of protest within Theo disappears and he nods. You let go of his pretty face and he returns to his summary. 

“If you’ve finished your summary, come find me so I can check it for you.” You say and quickly grab your stuff. “You’re leaving?” Theodore blurs and he gets flustered by how desperate he sounded. You chuckle. “Yes, I do things outside of tutoring, but you can come and find me in my dorm when your summary is done.” You turn on your heels and he watches your beautiful figure disappear, but as soon as you’re out of sight he starts working on his summary, eager to have it finished and see you again.

***

A knock on the door has you turn your head. Before you can say anything the door slowly opens to reveal Theodore and you smile when he shows you a small bundle of papers. “My summary.” He states still not entering your room, but rather leaning against the doorframe waiting for permission to enter. Theodore knew better than to go into a girl’s room without her invitation. He learned that from Pansy, the hard way. You're amused by his good behaviour and get up from your seat to take his summary. You flip through the pages and Theo watches you with anticipation. Your hair fell perfectly, your eyes were engaged with his sloppy handwriting and ever so gently you bit your plush bottom lip. He was about to adore the rest of your body, but you speak up and meet his eyes. “This is actually really thorough. I’m impressed.” A smug smile forms on Theodore lips, but as smug as he tries to act he’s blushing as well, touched by your compliment on his work. 

“If you put your mind to it, Theodore, you can get much better grades.” You continue and Theo chuckles. “I’m just rarely motivated, but you changed that.” You're surprised by his confidence, but you can’t deny that you like it. “Someone’s after his reward.” You quip and Theodore feels himself heat up. It was obvious there was no need to deny it, he wanted you and you both knew it. “You promised.” Theo says as he leans his head back a little in an attempt to look nonchalant about the whole situation.

You lay the papers down on your desk and side eye him before nodding as a silent invitation to enter, which he quickly does. He closes the door by pressing his back against his, eyes never leaving your body. His hungry eyes make you chuckle. “Just out of curiosity, what do you think you’re going to get for doing something as basic as writing a summary?” You elegantly walk over to him and seductively trace a finger over his chest. “I want a chance to dig my face between your legs.” Theo’s determined voice in combination with that phrase has your eyes widen. There’s a moment of silent tension as you stare deep into his eyes. “Don’t disappoint.” You tell him as you move your hand to his shoulder to guide him down to his knees.

Enzo

Your eyes slowly move from Blaise to Enzo who smiles bright at his friend, but shakes his head no. “Can’t, mate, I really gotta finish this or I won’t play at all.” Your eyes get all shiny when the slytherin’s eyes fall back to the books in front of him. When Blaise is far enough not to hear anything going on you scoot a little closer to Enzo. “I must say, I’m impressed at how dedicated you are to our tutoring sessions.” Enzo looks up to see your sweet smile focussed on him and he has to keep himself from drooling as his mouth parts a little. You purse your lips to keep yourself from laughing at how lost he is, staring at you. Eventually a soft laugh does escape your lips. “You know, if you keep studying like this you might get a reward.” Now Enzo’s jaw drops a little more and you can’t resist putting a finger under his chin to close his mouth. 

You hadn’t said anything about what this reward would be, but he sure as hell wasn’t thinking about cookies, then again neither were you. “If you work hard like the good boy you are, I’ll treat you to something sweet.” Lorenzo was unsure if it was your honey voice or the way you softly bit your lip, but his pants suddenly felt a little tighter and his heart was racing at an unhealthy pace. 

***

For weeks Enzo Berkshire had been the perfect student. Always on time for his tutoring lessons, working from start to finish, engaged with his work and his grades showed it. Yet the praise from the teachers or even the girls in his class, it all left him cold because he was only after one thing and that was the sweet reward you had promised him. Striptease, lapdance, blowjob, sex… just a piece of lingerie would be fine. Next lesson, probably… However, you had kept him waiting. Since there was never an exact agreement on when he would receive his reward, Enzo was left to guess and hope every week that this would be it. You on the other hand benefited from waiting for two reasons: Lorenzo was incredibly motivated and Lorenzo was insanely cute when he tried hinting at his reward, not really daring to ask for it.

You were surprised by how long he had played along, but he really couldn’t keep it to himself any longer. He was exploding of desire for you and the thought of getting anything from you as reward drove him mad. So he had to ask. Though the question didn’t come as a surprise, the timing was. 

You were explaining the importance of distance when using certain conjurations, when Enzo suddenly spook up. “I work hard. I’m a good student. I deserve my reward. I deserve you.” Your eyes move from the page you were pointing at to see a blushing Enzo stare at you. You sit a little straighter and Enzo swallows, terrified that his impatience had caused him to screw up with the prettiest witch to ever walk the earth. “What do you mean with that last bit, ‘I deserve you’?” A nervous chuckle leaves Lorenzo’s lips and he even starts fidgeting with his fingers, making you raise an eyebrow. He went from demanding daddy to whipped mamma’s boy real fast. “What I meant to say was… uhm… I deserve whatever you give me. I just forgot a few words there.” You smile at his nonsensical answer and react with a serious tone. “Exactly.” 

With a flick of your wrist the door slams shut and Enzo’s eyes stick to the classroom door as he realises he’s now completely alone in a room with you. While his face heats up, his blood rushes down. “You were cute trying to be all demanding.” You say as you move from your seat, Enzo watching you carefully. “I didn’t mean to come off too strong. I was just really excited for this-.” The teasing smile tugging on your lips when he said the word ‘exciting’ has Enzo falling silent. With another flick of your wrist Enzo’s chair turns towards you and he stares at you like a deer caught in headlights. “No doubt you’re excited.” You whisper, referring to the bulge in his pants. He feels like he’s about to lose consciousness when you slowly go down on your knees in front of him. He doesn’t move and he almost forgets to breathe as your perfect hands unbuckle his belt. 

Him moving up to help you lower his pants was instinct, because you had turned his mind to mush, his eyes drowning in yours. As soon as you start jerking his dick his moans fill the room, making you wonder what sounds he’ll make once you have him in your mouth.

Whimpers, is what filled the room when your tongue teased his tip, and cries when you finally move to take his member deep. You had him begging in a matter of seconds and you loved the control as much as you were starting to love Enzo. 

#slytherin #slytherin boys #theodore nott #theodore nott imagine #theodore nott x reader #enzo berkshire #enzo berkshire imagine #enzo berkshire x reader #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #papercorgiworldwritings

[harunayuuka2060]

Diavolo: *reading MC's resignation letter*

Diavolo: ...

Diavolo: What's the reason, MC? You've been doing so well.

MC: *gives him a tired smile* I am exhausted. That's the only reason I have.

Diavolo: Then I'll give you days to rest. I won't approve this resignation.

MC: ...

MC: I would ask you to reconsider.

Diavolo: ...

Barbatos: MC, the young master has his priorities in line. Would you mind waiting for his answer?

MC: ...

MC: I'll try. Please excuse me. *then takes their leave*

Diavolo: ...

Diavolo: What happened to them, Barbatos?

Barbatos: It seems you haven't received the news yet, my lord. Regarding the recent event.

Diavolo: What is it?

MC: *is finishing up all the remaining work in the House Of Lamentation*

The brothers (except Lucifer): *who have been observing them*

Asmo: Mammon, this is your chance now to apologize. You too, Levi, Belphie.

Mammon: Wh-Why do I need to apologize?! It was their fault they got shoved off the railing!

Mammon: They could've used their magic to stop us, y'know!

Satan: Mammon, you idiot—

MC: ...

MC: *walks silently to the other room*

Mammon: ...

Levi: I think they're still mad...

Belphie: We should let them cool down first. I'll approach them when they're no longer mad at us.

Beel: I'll buy them some food. That will make them feel better.

Asmo: Mammon, your only job is to apologize and you can't do it right.

Asmo: Why do you always have to use that non-existent pride of yours? It's getting annoying.

Mammon: Huh?! Who's annoying?!

MC: *enters Lucifer's study*

Lucifer: MC—

MC: I'm done with all the chores.

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: I see. Why don't you take a seat first?

MC: I would like to, but we would only be wasting each other's time.

MC: I'm only here to inform you that I will not be working here starting tomorrow.

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: Diavolo didn't approve your resignation.

MC: But that can't stop me from leaving.

Lucifer: MC, you're being unreasonable right now.

MC: Maybe I am. Though I can't deny to myself that I'm really exhausted.

MC: I'm exhausted from all of this.

MC: All I want is to leave and get away.

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: If it is the power you need, I'll give it to you.

MC: ...

MC: I've already given up on that.

MC: I choose to be an ordinary human this time.

Lucifer: ...

Solomon: ...

Solomon: You're just going to leave me?

MC: I'm sorry, Solomon. You must be disappointed with me right now.

Solomon: ...

Solomon: No. I was never disappointed and never will be.

Solomon: I understand why you're doing this.

Solomon: *hugs MC* However, if it's fine with you, I want to join you in the human world.

Solomon: This is a different timeline. And I want to keep you safe.

MC: ...

MC: *hugs him back* Wouldn't it be great if I could really take you with me?

Solomon: MC...

MC: Thank you, Solomon. I won't ever forget you.

Barbatos: Are you certain about your decision?

MC: Yes.

Barbatos: ...

Barbatos: You're aware that I would never disobey the young master.

MC: *smiles* I apologize for the trouble, Barbatos.

MC: I hope one day, I can make it up to you.

Barbatos: ...

Barbatos: *smiles back* I'll be hoping for that as well.

Solomon: ...

Solomon: MC? What happened to you?

MC: *forced a smile* I had an accident. *has an injured leg*

Solomon: You should've called me instead of forcing yourself to walk here.

MC: ...

MC: Solomon, it's completely gone now.

Solomon: *looks at them, shocked* What?

MC: I almost died today. The brothers got rowdy again and... I accidentally got pushed off the railing. *chuckles* Good thing there was a soft cushion below.

Solomon: MC...

MC: ...

MC: If only you have seen their confused faces...

Solomon: ...

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #obey me brothers

[leclsrc]

more than anyone ✴︎ cl16

genre: childhood friends to enemies to lovers (a mouthful), smut, humor, Fluffff!!!!, angst

word count: 13.7k  

You moved out of Monaco at fourteen with an unrepaired friendship hanging by a thread. Ten years and a whole lifetime later, you’re forced to work with him confront it all over again.

auds here… hi hi hi!!!! HAPPY 4k to us guys!!!!! i am so insanely thankful for all of u and i will make this a longer note when i wake up tomorrow because i have so much to say but have this for now. i hope u like it,i love love love u guys forever also i changed the banner because i wanted to

nsfw warnings under the cut!

18+ because... penetrative sex, semi public sex, praise central, size kink (pretty tame smut in auds world)

You know it’s bad when your assistant-and-friend-aka-friendsistant (her vernacular) Rachel walks in with a free coffee without a quip about how dependent you are on this exact order of coffee (she’s a millennial, so caffeine and lack thereof are in her arsenal of Funny Jokes). You fear you didn’t correctly anticipate just how bad it was going to be when she stays instead of leaving to work on your schedule, combing a few fingers through her fringe and sitting herself on your couch stiffly. Maybe you’re intuitive, maybe you spend too much time with Rachel and you can spot the way she scratches at her eye, maybe both—but it’s bad.

You don’t take a sip from the Starbucks that sits idly on the coaster, opting to watch the latte sweat instead. You do stare, though, at Rachel’s stagnant posture, scrutinizing her every movement. She takes a few deep breaths and drops the bomb.

“David sent me to tell you he has good news. But there is, um. Bad news.” Dread writhes through you at the mention of your manager with bad news, and you clear your throat to compose yourself.

“What’s going on?”

She purses her lips. “He’s on his way over here. Just…” She cocks her head sharply to the glass door of your home office, expression antsy. “Sorry. Wait for him. I can’t tell you anything yet.”

You take a swig from the pity coffee. “Am I getting blacklisted?”

“God, you dumbass, no—” She makes an incredulous noise, but before she can open her mouth to elaborate, your manager walks in with an excited expression on his face, pocketing his Juul to take a seat by your table. His smile is the radiant one of a man over forty with a comical amount of Botox.

“Rachel told me you had”—you stifle the adjective—“news.”

“That I do, yes.” He hums, tracing the edge of your table. “Did you enjoy Paris Fashion Week?”

Beside the brash Frenchmen, God-awful timezone differences and consequent calls at half past three, hungover show attendances, posing for pictures until your ankles blistered, and a temporary diet of black coffee, cigarettes, and stale croissants—sure, it was fun. It was your job to attend anyway, your obligation to shake hands with important people and be photographed in designer clothing and benefit from the PR, but how often could people call work fun? 

“Sure.” You take another gulp off your coffee. “It was… fun.”

“Well, since your movie’s doing well,” David pauses and hums, “how do you feel about another few weeks of fun?” 

“Like Paris Fashion Week—weeks… this month?” You frown, eyebrows knitting together. Is this a new Vogue thing? You’re not sure how many updates they give the schedule, but you wouldn’t mind too much if you could travel again for a little bit. “So soon after spring? Did Anna want this?”

“Iiiit’s, er, Vogue’s new project. Capsule shows in Europe, coastal and summery. She wanted an exclusive guest list. She asked for you by name,” David says smugly. “Well, she called my office, granted. But to ask for you—”

“Are you fucking serious?” You stand up, and if you hadn’t had some fix of coffee you would’ve gotten dizzy. “David, tell me you’re serious.” Time seems to have suspended itself as you await his answer—which, if affirmative, would be a pretty big deal to you. 

“Yeah, I am.” He plays off a grin. “She loved your movie with Greta, and would love to send you to Europe to do PR on a few shows and pair up with some guests on a couple features. Exclusive stuff.”

You sit back down, mouth slack. “Oh, my God. I can’t believe it.” Your eyes dart to Rachel, who’s caught between a smile and an awkward purse of her lips. “Fuck! This is huge, David.”

“Yeah—okay, yeah, it is.” David shifts in his seat and crosses, then uncrosses, his legs, then his arms. He stutters for a second. “Good and bad news, remember?”

You blink a few times. You’d nearly totally forgotten the fact that this good news—and it is overwhelmingly good—comes with a bout of bad news, so bad apparently that it’s noteworthy enough to state alongside this massive deal. But it’s. Fine. It’s whatever. Worst case scenario, you’re going to need to fucking swim to Europe sans oxygen canister.

“So… the shows? Events, and shit?” He watches, waiting for you to signal that you follow. When you nod, he continues, averting his gaze to the face of his Patek. “They’re all in Monaco.”

Wrong.

“Monaco.” You repeat, deadpanning your delivery. It’s not out of the ordinary, the glitz and coast of the city being a perfect venue for high fashion. But Monaco is different for you, vastly different, and you tend to avoid the place to the best of your abilities. “Monaco. Are—you’re sure?”

“Mmm,” he hums in affirmation. “I know, I know you’re not exactly privy to Monaco because, bleh, childhood shit, whatever. But this—like you said, this is huge! And I don’t think we should jeopardize that.” He pulls a piece of paper from the folders tucked in his arm and waves it around.

“Well—yeah, I suppose. I’ll deal with it.”

“Yeah.” He sucks his teeth, eyes gliding over the scenery of L.A. that your window offers. “Okay, that’s it, so. Byeandhaveagoodlunch.” He slams the paper onto your desk, jostling you a little, but as he makes his exeunt, Rachel raises her arm to stop him.

“Is that it, David?” She asks, an edge to her voice.

You pick up the paper as they make hushed, stifled conversation, and find that it’s a call sheet of sorts, listing all the collaborators traveling to Monaco and what or who they’re in charge of, or paired up with, there. Models, athletes, celebrities, influencers—all making TikToks, or appearances, or brand deals, or interviews, or YouTube videos, the whole shebang.

“Yeah,” says David dismissively—nervously? “That’s it.”

You search for your name. “Okay. Um, hey.” Rachel turns to you, trying to catch your eye, which is busy scanning the sheet. “Did, um—did David mention you’re paired up with Charles Leclerc for a feature? Because you are. Paired up with Charles Leclerc for a feature, I mean.”

David sucks his teeth. “Thank you very much for graciously reminding me of that, Rachel.” 

Still half-distracted and growing increasingly worried with the exchange happening in front of you, you make haste in your search—eventually, you find your name, printed in plain letters beside one you’ve wished to never read over ever again.

“Wait, my Charles?” You pause and look up, suppressing a yell as your eyes widen, and you blunder over a pathetic self-correction. “I mean—no, sorry—Charles, as in Charles Leclerc? I can’t work with him, you know this!” 

“Wh—well, Vogue apparently wanted a really good Monaco-born pair and they seriously lucked out on you two. Also,” Rachel says, adamantly defending herself, “you’re always saying you can work ‘with anyone’!” She raises two comically vigorous air quotes to further her (moot) point.

“I didn’t ev—I never say that,” you lie straight through your teeth, mouth dry. You definitely do. You can place all the exact moments. “I would’ve known if I did. Rach—David—I cannot, absolutely cannot work with Leclerc. He’s my… we…” You shut your eyes and sneak two fingers upward to massage your temple, slowly caving into defeat.

David makes an oh well face and shrugs passively. “Fine. Then it’s either Anna Wintour’s special job that will help the Academy campaign or not meeting the ex-bo—”

“—friend.” You look up to cut him off, eyes narrowed. “Ex-friend.”

“Alright, kid. Suuuure.” David leans against the back wall of your office as Rachel comes to comfort you, her eyes already sympathetic and droopy. It shouldn’t be so bad, right? She asks sweetly, nudging the latte closer to your catatonic figure. You have seen him since, anyway.

With a despondent gaze, you just remain silent, refusing to state the negative aloud, opting to stare at the latte. At your disagreeable silence, Rachel continues, tone anxious: You have seen him since. Right?

You moved out of Monaco at fourteen, right after the school year finished and your father had gotten the opportunity to transfer out. The whole thing would’ve—should’ve, even—been a sentimental affair, full of tears and dramatic caresses of your bedroom wall, whispering thank yous to the city air in French and Italian, but it wasn’t. Months prior, you’d been preparing yourself for this kind of goodbye; but when it came to it, you merely kissed your extended family goodbye and slept en route to the airport, silk sleeping mask pulled taut over your shut eyelids. The only thing you left in the city was a letter written only to Gi and Cha about how much you’d miss them, with your email address scribbled at the bottom for an added touch, in case they felt like sending you longer messages.

“Do you two at least get along?” David asks, noting how genuinely aghast you appear.

“It’s not that simple.” You tap a nail against your desk a few times. “But I think it’ll be fine. I hope, at least. We used to be… good friends? As teenagers.”

You feel like an alien hearing yourself talk about it, talk about him and the whole circumstance a decade later. Your friendship with Charles was the only thing that mattered to your adolescent self, all lemonade stands and long car rides and stealthy conversations about your futures (racing and acting, respectively). It was happiness, in what you consider to be its truest form, it was lovely and real. And it ended abruptly, no goodbyes, no nothing.

“So it’s a no.”

“I’m just saying it’s impossible for me to work with him, and in Monaco no less?!” Your eyes are wild with frustration and anxiety at the prospect of your past whipping you in the face, full-fledged. “I don’t even talk about the guy or the city, how can I spend time with him there?”

“Are you seriously going to junk this amazing fucking opportunity just because of some petty childhood fight?” David’s tone is comparable to that of a dad’s, scolding and horrified, almost. “Look. If you don’t take this, career-wise, it doesn’t mean much. You get paid a shit ton, you’ll survive—you’ll do well. But emotions-wise? Maturity-wise? Be the bigger person and do it—I mean it.”

You stare back at him because you know he’s right. “Maybe it won’t be a big, long feature?” Rachel offers as some advice, some comfort. “If you reject it, his team will know, and so will he.”

And yes, you were fourteen, and yes it was petty and unexplainable even for fourteen—but there was a catalyst to all of this, a reason why the move became easy and forgetting childhood memories became second nature. A reason why you’re selective with who you make contact with from home. A reason why Giada and Charlotte are selective with topics they choose to bring up with you.

So, fuck it, really. That’s how you end up in Monaco, booked for the next three weeks, sharing a studio and public appearances and a 24-hour shoot with the last person you’d ever want to be in a room with. Ten years later—the person still is, and no doubt will always be, Charles Leclerc.

—

“MAMAN!” Charles’ voice was loud, loud, and so incredibly loud. You followed not far behind, legs running at full speed to try and leap onto his lanky figure and wrap an arm around his head to quiet him. It’d been futile: he ended up at the dining table facing his family with a victorious smile on his pink face. He breathed heavy, waiting for everyone to turn their attention to him.

“Charles,” you chimed in warningly, breathing even harder with the effort you had exerted to chase him from the sidewalk to here. “Don’t.”

“Guess who got the lead spot in the recital.” He slowly turned to point at to your angry face, and then bent, rifling through his already messy, grubby knapsack for something that he raised with glee: a headress that read…

“But-ter-cup.” Hervé sounded amused when he looked at your fuming expression. “You?”

“Yes, Papa! Maybe, just maybe,” he sing-songed, using the term wrong yet again, “she got the titular role!” He walked over to you and placed the headress square on your head, beaming. 

“There is no titular role in a school recital,” you seethed, burning with embarrassment. Your stellar academic record had apparently granted you incentive to be centre stage during the routine year-end recital, where years were lumped into twos or threes (in your and Charles’ cases, Years 8 and 9) and the student body would dance or sing a variety of teacher-selected music.

In your case, it was Build Me Up, Buttercup, complete with choreography you’d be practicing over the next month and a half. Charles laughed at your pouting expression, didn’t stop laughing even when you’d both sat down and twirled through forkfuls of spaghetti, didn’t stop chuckling even when Lorenzo got the turn to speak and he started talking about how Bringing Up Baby was his movie of the month.

You allowed him to laugh—even laughed yourself at some point—because all day, you’d been absently wondering how you’d break the news about your moving away to him.

—

Charles is not okay. He’d gotten off a red-eye from a short vacation stint, and now he’s back in Monaco, sleepy and a bit jetlagged, being briefed on brand deals and press junkets he has to accomplish by three p.m. today. “On the dot, sharp,” said his assistant, like the two didn’t just mean the same fucking thing. He’s patient, though, smiling through the exhaustion, through the dressing room, the tape around his waist and legs to measure clothes for this fashion… thing.

“A meeting for Ferrari, two TikToks, a vlog for your personal YouTube channel, three stories by noon… oh, and in the next few weeks, you’re going to film a Vogue-sponsored 24 Hours With… with—”

“D’accord, thank you,” he cuts in, already exhausted from the spiel alone. He’s a professional; no matter what people believed or what gossip rags liked to say about him, he maintains a well-kept reputation of being polite and kind to people he works with. Maybe it’s the jetlag, maybe it’s the lack of sleep, maybe it’s the heat outside, but today he just wants to close his eyes and sleep for days.

But the assistant follows, clipboard and Excel sheet and all, still spouting all his media obligations lest he forget (and mark his words, he definitely will). “Sorry,” he says. He’s new, probably assigned as a part of the Vogue team, lanky and tall and nervous looking. “I’m new. I’m Greg.”

Briefly, Charles is left alone to stare at his tired reflection while the assistants reconvene and connect. There’s several of them, each assigned or already committed to a different celebrity. Charles should know more details, but there’s only so much reading of a call sheet he can do before he’s conked out on Ambien; he trusts he’ll be around people much more famous than he is, probably American or English, actors and athletes alike. He’ll figure it out.

Yeah, she’s almost ready. Is Charles here? One of the assistants says, a bright-eyed American. They need to be introduced before 11. Her voice is quiet, quick and hushed, and Charles has to focus to hear what she’s saying. Greg chips in with something he can’t decipher; in response, the American whispers, Yeah, I’ll get her to sign it for you. Bring Charles out in five.

In five, he is indeed being brought out to the lobby of this hotel; the outdoor area is decked out with models, cocktail tables, Vogue signage and a carpet for pictures. It’s even busier inside, wait staff and event coordinators conversing in angry, aggressive French—table settings, mineral water, extra forks are needed. Greg keeps a steady pace transporting Charles through the indoor throng, and at 10:59, Charles is outside, by the pool.

“Um, right, yeah. Okay, uh—wait here. Your partner—not really partner, but like, mate? Fuck, definitely not. Um, partner. She’s on her way heeere…” He checks his phone. “Okay. You caught her name, right?” Charles nods to fend him off. “Okay. So, wait here.”

There are cameras taking pictures of him when Greg departs, some microphones waved his way; in the distance he spots fans waving crazily, sporting Ferrari merch. Charles is doing what he’s told (waiting, maybe posing a bit) when an even bigger crowd appears, surrounding one person; with their arrival, ameras click even faster, and an uproar follows. Greg waves him over, pointing at the person frantically, so Charles smiles, extends a hand, and when the crowd parts—

There you are, in all your glory. Pink dress, hair clipped into a bun, a tanline on your exposed skin, lithe hand coming up to shake his. Your eyes are flat but the lack of expression doesn’t inoculate them from beauty; they remain sparkling and pretty all the same. Cameras snap the interaction, seemingly innocent, seemingly the first.

He fights, he really does, to keep his hands shaking yours. He forces himself not to hug you, press a kiss to your cheek even if that might look friendly, caress a hand across your cheekbone, brush the tendrils of hair out of your eyes. It’s a valiant effort.

A valiant effort that pays off because, as soon as you’re ushered into a room by yourselves, your smile turns into a scoff; your hands are kept to yourself, slipping a pair of sunglasses on, and; underneath them, your eyes begin to roll. “I need a drink,” you huff, not even looking at him. 

You’re on two couches opposite each other, in what he assumes to be a foyer to a hotel room that’s much bigger than the one he was in earlier. A-list fame and that. The girl he’d seen earlier scurries off, mumbling something about a martini. Greg, beside him, goes: “Do you need a drink, too?” But he shakes his head.

“Are you voluntarily working for this guy, Greg?” You refer to his assistant by name, offering a sarastic, honeyed smile. You adjust the strap of your dress and he blinks his gaze away.

“Oh, no. I mean—yeah. Kind of. I was assigned to him.”

“It’s okay, I don’t expect you to do it of your own will,” you joke, crossing your legs.

Charles laughs dryly. “Who asked?”

“So he speaks…” You ping off his retort without missing a beat, a sardonic smile playing at your lips. 

“In the two minutes we’ve been around each other, you’ve insulted me and my assistant. I’d prefer silence, your highness.”

“Aww, did my joke and asking Greg a question piss you off?” You suck your teeth. “You must be fun at parties.”

“Do you two, um. I don’t want to, like, overstep, but do you know each other?” Charles notices that Greg’s forearm is signed by you and realizes he has no allies here, with an inward grimace. “Or if you don’t, like, are you two just… not in good moods or something?”

The girl comes in then, saying here’s the martini and catering you a sweaty glass with a smile. You offer up the empty space beside you, patting the white leather for her to sit down on. Your eyes meet his again briefly, catty and a bit challenging, before you turn back to the girl. “Sit.”

Maybe Charles spends too much time with Max, because he’s starting to become more and more inclined to getting the last word in lately. “Bossing people around, eh? Fame really does change you.” He offers a smile of his own.

“She’s my assistant, Rachel,” you say sweetly, but your smile is gritty. “We need to check my schedule.”

He wants to slap himself. “Too busy to open your calendar?” Nevermind, he’s a god.

Your sarcastic smile drops. “And what’s on yours? P6 this week, P7 next, DNF after?”

Fuck. The tension is so thick at this point, it’s almost steaming hot. Both the assistants stare at you, waiting for Charles to wedge something in, but he bites himself back. Thankfully, right as the silence just begins to settle like oil on water, the door swings open and one of the coordinators steps in, noisily rattling off the week’s plans and proclaiming you’re both free for the remainder of the day before things pick back up—Schiaparelli show at noon, both of you, front row—tomorrow.

The four of you filter out of the room, and you make a quip about your autograph on Greg’s arm, which grants your assistant some face time with Charles. She turns to him, combing a hand through her hair and furrowing her thick eyebrows. “Hey, I’m Rachel, by the way.”

“Charles.”

“I know,” she says sheepishly. “Listen. I know you two have history, she—we—she’s, um, told me about it before. I don’t know the whole story, and I’m not… like, I’m not saying I do, so I respect it, whatever it is. But I hope you can find it in you to work with her properly. It’s a huge gig for you both. So—yeah, uh. Great job, and good luck.”

She smiles with a nod before exiting the room, leaving Charles alone and stirring with thoughts and memories woken from wild unrest.

—

“Alors,” Charles had said, not turning from his position in front of your vanity mirror. He’d been picking at his face, stopping only when you tsked at him not to. “What is the problem?” His eyes flicked over to you, your lying figure on the bed exhaling little puffs of frustrated air to the ceiling. “Are you missing the recital?”

“Quoi? Non.” You gnawed at your lip, accepting your defeat. You couldn’t lie for much longer, not when you’d been keeping this under wraps for two months. “Listen. Charles.” He nodded, clearly preoccupied with something. “Charles.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you ple—look at me.” Your voice hardened.

He’d noticed it then, the curt cutoff of your voice, the absent look in your eyes. He knows you even through a mirror, even in the low light of your room. “Desolé. This pimple won’t go away.”

“Charles,” you said, groaning but allowing yourself to laugh. “Listen.”

“Okay.” He turned to face you, a spot on his chin red from how long he’d been scratching at it.

You shrugged then, suddenly scared to deal with the realness of it all. You didn’t understand why you felt so torn. “It’s something to do with me,” you said.

“Yeah.”

“I’m moving.” You rubbed at your nose, the cold draft coming in through the window causing you to sniffle. “Out of Monaco.”

A beat. “What?”

You closed your fingers around your necklace, scratching absently at the divots of the pendant. One, two, three little dips in the gold locket, tiny but comforting. “Yeah. In a few months, like, after school. It’s Papa—his job. It’s a whole thing.”

“Europe?” You shook your head. America.

“What… well, what does that mean, then?” His expression didn’t waver but if anything did, it was his eyes—desperate, seeking more answers, wanting them with a guttural, belly-deep desire. You’re his best friend, so if he has to let you go in this life, he at least needs to know everything about the move. 

“We’ll keep in touch,” you reassured, kicking your leg to further your point. “You were bound to get busy with karting anyway, so it’s like. Ça revient au même.”

“It isn’t the same,” he said, his voice thin and cracking. 

“You’ll be fine.”

“You have a very misguided idea of who I am.”

“Shut up. Come off it,” you laughed, sitting up straighter. “We’ll call everyday, and I’ll meet all the famous people who’ll get me a real acting job, and I’ll come for the holidays or summer or something. Things won’t change. Not that much, at least.”

“Maybe, just maybe.” He pauses. “Will you be here for my birthday, at least?” He’d made a big deal all year of his turning sixteen on the sixteenth.

“Charles,” you sighed. 

“No, yeah. I get it.” He looked down, rubbing his thumbs together, like he’s just been hit across the face. He will tell you one day it felt infinitely more painful than that. But at the time he shook his head and looked up at you, reached his pinky to yours, a thin slip of paper around the finger that matched your interlocked one, and didn’t say anything else.

Just: “We’ll be okay.”

—

You could pin a lot of adjectives on Monaco: picturesque, without a doubt; warm, glamorous, but you’d sooner die than pin the word home over it. The city is sprawling even with the little surface area it possesses, and only few things seem familiar. Your lodging is a hotel in Monte-Carlo, a penthouse suite that requires you to travel very little. It feels like a vacation.

And you embody the role of a vacationer very well—the first five, six days of your stay in Monaco went great, mainly appearances that lasted a few hours at most and several junkets to promote Vogue and your latest film, before you were free to do whatever you wished. You’d gone the touristy route already: shopping more times than you could count, trying your immense luck at the casinos, and eating at Michelin-starred restaurants; eventually all the fun blurred into each other and you found solace in naps instead.

Your troubles are not far behind, however, and they finally come after you on Day 7. The event coordinators had informed Rachel, who in turn informed you, that the first of next week’s agenda would be a photographed tour of the Musée Océanographique de Monaco, a grand seaside building right at the edge of the water. Today is, apparently, a day for you to “fraternize with” Charles, which meant you would once again need to put a façade over your less-than-kind appearance toward him.

Those are the concluding words of David’s very firm text, encouraging (read: coercing) you to settle things with Charles into some approximation of civility. You resolve things by calling him to skip over the awkwardness that comes with texting. It takes you all of twenty minutes and twice your body weight in courage to press the green telephone button.

“B’jour,” he goes, his voice quick. French people (he will hate that you called him French, even if it was just in your head; you relish in this) always talk rapidly. After some silence, he clears his throat: “Hello?”

Butterflies—some form of them, whatever—flutter in your stomach. “It’s me.”

He drops formalities and adopts a disinterested voice. “Huh. What do you want?” The butterflies have rotted to death.

“I need to talk to you.”

“To insult me again?” He sounds a little amused even over the phone, a breath of laughter landing in your ear. “Bah, I get it. We are enemies. You have no interest in reconnecting, et cetera. C’est tout ce que tu as à dire? I gotta go.”

Your face warms at his accusatory tone. “Wow, leave it to a guy to be charming, huh?”

“Why should I be charming with you?”

“At least be polite,” you taunt, but your voice lacks its usual edge. On the other line, Charles lets his own defiant tone ebb downward.

At least be polite. It’s the least he can owe you after ten years of forgetting. It wasn’t as if you two had a mutual agreement then, in 2013 when you moved away, to stop becoming friends. For months before you moved out, he completely stopped talking to you, like he’d forgotten you two were even connected, were even friends. What little words you two shared became petty and abrasive, and suddenly Monaco lost its color. The closeness you had with him, which for so long you’d convinced yourself was once-in-a-lifetime, was ripped from you, robbed from you—by him, no less, which hurt all the more. You’d given up on finding out why at some point. You waited for him to reach out. Maybe, you told yourself, just maybe, it would take a few months, a year.

Ten years of radio silence. He owes you that: politeness.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say to nobody in particular, in an effort to segue into the topic of your choosing. “Look, we’re supposed to be friends. In… on camera, at least. It’s disastrous if we look like we, you know, hate each other. We need to be professional.”

“For the cameras,” he says back, solemn.

“Yeah.” You wind a finger through your hair. “Just… for the sake of civility.”

You hear his little hums of consideration. “D’accord,” he says after a few minutes. “Truce, then.”

“Sure.” You smile a little. “I have to go.”

—

You were halfway through your mess of clothes when your mum peeked through your door, her hair held back by a headband. “Call you yet, poppet?” 

“Non,” you said, decimating your voice to a monotonous murmur. You looked up from the dress you’d been folding and offer a half-hearted, sardonic smile. “Je t’ai dit qu’il ne le ferait pas.” You were right: he wouldn’t call. What difference did a month make, anyway? This time, though, the usual victory of being right settled into an ugly disappointment in the pit of your stomach.

You wanted so badly to be wrong. To clamber to the telephone, to your Skype, to your cellphone, any of the three, and see his name flashed across the helm or his voice in your ear. Maybe he was dialing your number now, to ask if you wanted to grab dinner after the year-end recital, or to update you on karting, or to tell you Pascale wanted lunch.

She could tell, as all mothers can, that you’d been upset. The knit in your brows that didn’t go away, the bottom lip being chewed, the tight clutch of your fingers over the already-folded dress. She sighed. “I’m sorry, baby.” 

“It’s fine.” Your voice came out sharper than you intended and you have to roll it back, recede it, to sound more relaxed, more at ease. “It’s… fine. I’m fine.” She knew better than to pry, closing the door softly to continue packing up the living room.

You heaved a dry sigh to express the nausea that came with his absence. It began a month ago, two days after you first told him about it and poked at the zit on his chin. He’d buried his head in your shoulder until tears seeped into the cotton sleeve of your shirt, and you let him. You felt guilty, after all, for keeping it a secret for so long. You would leave in September, you told him. We have time.

Two days later he walked you home as always, on the “dangerous” side of the street, lanky legs skipping to the tree in front of your house. You pointed at the beginnings of clementines on its dewy branches, smiling, inviting him in, but he remained leaning against the trunk, playing with his mop of hair that covered his forehead.

“Bah, trop dramatique,” you said, poking fun. Lorenzo had showed you both some art house films he studied in class, and with the bout of French cinema, you and Charles had grown obsessed with making fun of overdramatic stills that often included the classic leaning-against-a-surface. “Come on, Mum made bouillabasse, I smell it.”

“We need to talk,” he eked out awkwardly. “I have something important to tell you.”

You dropped your knapsack, leather scratching against the concrete of the steps to the front door as you walked over to him. “Ouais?”

“I…” His lips moved, wobbled, but nothing left, so he shut them and his eyes, like he was considering something. His breathing slowed into one rhythm you find yourself unconsciously matching, just two kids looking at each other in the dusky breeze of Monaco, the orange sun casting shadows over the clementine tree. You closed your hand over his, a tight clamp over his knobby wrist with certainty. “I…”

“Say it.”

“I want to.” His eyes were shut. Exhale. Inhale, open. “I… I’m going… going home.”

You breathed out apprehensively and relaxed. “Oh.” You blinked. “That’s it?”

“Ye—ouais. Yeah. I gotta.” Already he was climbing to the gate, waving a half-hearted goodbye. “Save some for me, oui? Bye.”

“Charles,” you warned after him, voice tinged with concern. “That’s it, promise?” Your hand flexed around air.

“Cross my heart!” The last thing he ever said with any bit of something genuine.

—

You reunite with Charles at a meeting; under the guise of your truce, he makes the barely-necessary small talk. The rest of the staff file out of the restaurant in due time, but you both stay. You ask about Lorenzo and Arthur, leaving out questions you’d rather not listen to him answer, and he tells you they’re both alright. That his mum asks about you sometimes. That makes you smile. He asks if you’re still dating the guy you’d most recently been partnered with in Us Weekly.

“God, no. We never even dated, the… um, tabloids always make shit up.” You purse your lips. “Anyway. Is Lorenzo still in film?” You ask, turning your head a little. You don’t think you’ll ever forget his affinity for cinema.

“Not professionally, but I still sit through hours-long… you know, reviews, and stuff.” He laughs when he sees you laugh, eyes half-closed and meeting the ceiling.

“He introduced me to some of my favorite movies, especially when I got into acting and I was kind of… like, I wanted some inspiration, acting-wise. But not my actual favorite movie.”

“Which is?” He segues into a more personal topic. “Is it still Bambi?”

“Oh, it was, for the longest time!” You almost squeal with excitement. “Not anymore, though. It’s been dethroned, ha ha. I think it’s… I’d say it’s maybe Casablanca now.”

“How American.”

“Shut up.” Your face warms. “It’s so romantic. When he says—when he goes, um. We’ll always have Paris. And then, God—when Ilsa goes, I said I would never leave you—and Rick goes, And you never will… isn’t it so classic? Romance movies nowadays are—I, I, I… I get scripts sent to me that are just so bad, and they’re either too idealistic or too pessimistic, or too indie or too commercial, and.” You sigh. “It’s like nobody gets love right anymore.”

“Us Weekly disagrees,” he says weakly, after a period of silence.

“Stop,” you laugh warningly. “And don’t act like you’re not being paired up with different girls, too.”

For a minute you sit with the realization that you’ve both been keeping tabs on each other all these years, even just a little bit. It’s a bit jarring, it’s a bit warm, it’s a lot confusing. You make a move to ask for the bill but Charles is quicker, opens his mouth to implore your presence.

“Come see me tonight.” He says it like he didn’t mean to, like it escaped him on a whim, a blurted out confession born out of your memories and conversation. His voice is dreamy, faraway. “Earth to…?”

“Wh—sorry. Fuck.” You clear your throat and deduce your next words. “Where?”

“I’ll text you. A club, near your hotel.”

“Yeah… yeah, sure.” You hum an affirming noise. 

—

Your name is on the list, though you’re sure it doesn’t matter whether or not it was. No ID is needed, and paps catch a bouncer being dispatched to guide you through the nightclub toward the elevated area with significantly less people. It’s low-lit, smoky, vaguely blue and purple, smelling of flows of alcohol and fresh ice. An Azealia Banks song is playing, pounding through your head.

Tabloids don’t care about nightclubs. They care if you come out drunk or with a smidge of snow under your nose, neither of which have happened to you; entering is fair game, a fun affair, especially in a district like Monte-Carlo. You don’t have any explaining to do, not even to questions like are you clubbing with your professional Vogue collaborator, Charles Leclerc?

The collaborator in question is the first to greet you, getting up and approaching you with a smile so obviously tense. The picture in front of him is like if he’d conjured up a forlorn fantasy of his to life—your hair fell loosely over black lace, a hand pinched around the hem of your dress. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“So.” He realizes he’s in charge of the socializing, and turns to properly introduce you. “Um, guys, this is my—friend—you already know”—he fusses over your name, which everyone in the world knows, anyway—“and these are my friends. Pierre, Alex, George, Lando, Daniel… you know Joris.” He points to each guy's face as he goes, eliciting a beam every time he gestures.

You wave with a polite smile before you station yourself beside the only one you know: Joris, with whom Charles shares a longtime friendship. He greets you first, with a side hug. “Long time.”

“Yeah, it’s been.” You watch him turn toward the low table, and back around with two shots, offering them to you with haste.

You thank the Lord that he makes quick, dextrous work of it, and before long you’ve downed a glass or three of some strawberry four seasons thing, socializing with the different people around the table. One of them, Lando, talks about your latest film for five whole minutes (“I rated it five stars on Letterboxd. I left a review, if you wanna see”) before he leans close and asks: “Are you his girlfriend?” His is obviously referencing Charles, and you pull back from the proximity to shake your head.

“No,” you holler to emphasize it. “We used to know each other. I grew up here.”

“Oh shit! Native!” He whoops, offering you another glass. This must be your fifth, maybe, fifth G&T or Cosmo or something or other of the night. You take it, drinking as you walk, planning to collect your bag to take with you to the bathroom—another hand takes yours, though, dragging you down the steps. Halfway through, you realize it’s Charles.

“How’s the drink?” He asks, brows straight.

“That’s all you wanted to ask?” You raise your voice above the bass. “Someone needs to teach you fucking… proper small talk.” A laugh involuntarily bubbles past your lips, eyes crinkling. 

He laughs, too, despite himself. “Non, I was—I was just asking. We should—I brought you over here to—so we could…” He realizes he’s been talking too fast without getting to the point and pauses, resetting himself with a pinched sigh. “Dance.”

Your heart pulses. Dance? You hear yourself ask. For wh…Why?

“For the sake of the truce.” His voice is light. “We should try being closer.”

“We were close once,” you say, loose. “Did you forget?”

He’s looking right at you, and you’re warm all over. “How could I?”

It feels too real. Not the words—yes the words—but the alcohol, the alcohol is what you’re referring to, and all those shots and drinks suddenly seem not as harmless as they’d seemed earlier. You scan the periphery for the WC sign and try your best not to look deranged on your way there, offering the same pretty smile to recognizing passersby. Behind you, Charles calls out; but you wave him off, heaving dryly.

The restroom is clean because the nightclub is outrageously expensive; you push yourself into the available stall that’s in your direct path and crumple above it. You heave. Heave some more. Nothing comes. The nausea rises and recedes, so you decide to wait it out.

The bathroom door hauls open, bringing with it a few seconds of noise before it swings heavily onto the frame again, sealing the sterile silence. The momentary return of the bass from the dance floor sends your head spinning all over again and you freeze, willing yourself not to wind up hurling your guts into the toilet. It’s a futile effort, though, because you’re feeling nauseated beyond your limit again, and you need water and maybe a salve or something.

“This stall is open,” somebody says, a chipper American voice that grows in volume as it nears you. A gasp follows, and then: “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”

You turn, your face flushed and lips parted. “I’m so sorry. I just—I’ve been nauseous all night.”

“I have water,” she answers, reaching her arm outward, as if seeking it. “Carmen, the water!” A bottle of Evian is thrust into her hand by another girl (Carmen, you presume), and she doesn’t hesitate to bend next to you to feed it into your mouth. She stares for a second, then goes: “On the off chance I’m lucky, and you’re the famous actress, by the way, I just want to say I’m a huge fan of your work.”

Eyes wide, you lock eyes with her and pull away from the water. “Oh, God. Yeah, that’s me. I’m so sorry—this is so humiliating.”

“It’s not—it’s normal,” she assures, nodding. “We’ve all… y’know, puked into a club toilet before.” From the stall doorframe, Carmen nods. “What’d you drink?”

“Fruity stuff,” you recall, eyebrows knitting at the memory. “And shots.”

They both grimace at the same time, knowing the exact feeling, the exact taste, it seems. “Are you heartbroken or something?” Carmen asks; Lily shoots her a look that can only really mean don’t ask the world-famous actress if she’s heartbroken. But you laugh it off, shaking your head.

“No. There’s a guy, though, and he’s… we’re… it’s a lot. I think I thought alcohol would absorb all of it, but… clearly, it did not.” Your lips simmer into a straight line and you’re quiet for a few moments before remembering you’re on a dingy club floor being supported by two nice girls who are strangers. “Anyway! Sorry. I’m clearly, um, delirious.” You get up on semi-wobbly feet, swallowing the nausea as you go. 

You walk to the sink, and behind your back, the girl and Carmen share a telepathic exchange (should we ask her to elaborate? Yes! Should we really? Fuck, no.) You rinse your mouth out, washing your hands and focusing on your reflection—your tired eyes, your smudged lip gloss, your fussed-up hair. You turn after rinsing, offering a small smile. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” says the first girl, offering her hand and a tube of lip gloss. “I’m Lily, by the way. And just so you know—I’m so sure that guy has nothing on you.” Carmen, beside her, nods in solidarity, and your heart blooms.

Your smile grows as your hand shakes hers, accepting the lip gloss. “You’re too kind. Thank y—” 

“Lil? Baby, are you puking?” Comes a disembodied male voice from the door, ajar ever so slightly. Lily visibly cringes and walks over to the door, pulling it open further. On the other side—the detective of sorts—happens to be Alex, who you’d been introduced to a few hours ago. At the sight of you, his eyes widen with recognition. 

“We’re fine. Leave us alone,” replies Lily in a conspiratorial whisper. “Carmen and I have a new friend.” She doesn’t even need to drop your name; your face alone is enough to make people recognize who you are.

Alex, however, refuses to admit defeat. “Try harder next time.” He pumps his eyebrows. “We were introduced earlier.” He looks up and waves to demonstrate his truth; when you smile back, Lily’s jaw drops as she turns to her boyfriend again, aghast.

“What the hell? How?” A pause. “No offense. It’s like. Two levels of fame, right there.”

He makes a pinched face. “She’s Charles’… friend? I don’t—coworker? Something, something. They were both vague about it. Actually, George and I were talking about it, and we both think something is up. With them.”

“Wait—you might be right.” Her eyes are hyperfocused, and her voice drops to a whisper for a second. “Let’s talk about it at the hotel.”

You and Carmen watch their hushed exchange, and eventually Alex leaves you three alone again with a loud goodbye, which allows Lily to rejoin your conversation. “Sorry,” she says with a smile. “That was my boyfriend, Alex. I didn’t know you two were introduced! He told me you knew Charles?”

“Oh.” Your shoulders relax. “Yeah, um. We knew each other as kids, but I moved away and we kind of—we drifted apart, so. I’m here on a business trip, and he’s just welcoming me.” You try to reduce the decade-long mess into a sentence.

“So you’re friends?”

“Yeah.” You feel like vomiting all over again. 

—

The sky’s a searing blue at noon, silver clouds lining the horizon. Charles has to press a finger to the high point of his cheek to test if he’s sunburned from the heat, and the cameras catch it; he doesn’t doubt the fans will spin that into something cute later. You’re somewhere else on the property, this big, massive thing of a museum that’s crashed into by the waves.

He remembers Andrea first telling him about this whole arrangement. He and the team had deliberately left out any mention of you, like they could predict the immediate veto. He wonders if you knew, or if you, too, had been surprised when seeing him, a ghost of your past looking into your eyes. He wonders if you, too, are now in this endless emotional turmoil. Inside there’s a photoshoot ongoing, with you but also with some models in varying aquatic-related poses to convey the intent of the building; he’s done his share of pictures already, just needs to sit down with you for an interview. 

“And a B-roll of you guys, um, like, walking, like—around?” Greg’s voice invades his head again, the nervous man beside him running through a to-do list like this is boot camp.

You’d left him hanging at the club—he couldn’t blame you though. A truce hardly called for the bringing forth of memories you two are now supposed to have buried beneath you. Memories he buried first. But alcohol had loosened him, and maybe you had, too, your eyes in the vaguely bluish light and your smile.

He wishes to apologize. He makes up some excuse and finds you nursing an Evian by a faraway corner, against a screen of stingrays. Your eyes widen when you see him, in recognition. He waves and then, with a thumb, gestures to the catering outside.

You end up by the water eating one of the caterer’s churros, a recommendation he deems “very special.” (“Have you worked with these caterers before?” “No.”) It’s also his excuse to cheat on his diet and eat a churro or three—chocolate dip included, always. You rave over the taste, smile, enjoy the view. Charles realizes this looks deceivingly like a date, and at the same time realizes he would not stop to correct someone if they assumed so.

“Our truce seems to be working.” You say in-between chews, voice flat but eyes bright.

“It seems so. I owe that to my personality.”

You really laugh at that. “I didn’t know you had one. It’s very fit for someone as unapproachable as I am.”

“Who said that?”

“No, noth—nobody.” You comb a lock of hair behind your ear. “Aw, putain. I’m ruining my lipstick. Pat’s going to kill me. I look awful.” There are no reflective surfaces around you to affirm your statement, but you sound so sure of yourself.

He smiles. He enjoys the illusion, the mask that you two seem to wear, albeit involuntarily. The chocolate syrup he squeezes on your little paper box of churros. The muttered back merci when he’s finished. Your flushed face, eyes darting from the delicacy to the ocean, eyelashes fluttering, lips smiling, curving into a laugh at some random realization. Briefly he imagines what he might tell somebody if they stopped to ask if you were dating.

Some old woman, French accent and short in stature. You two are so cute. Si mignon! And she would ask how you two met. Charles would tell her the story. But that is imagination. He blinks out of it and focuses on the beauty in front of him, so very real.

“No. You are very pretty, you know.” He says then, and it’s taken him all his nerves and then some just to wrangle it out of his mouth and past his lips. Anticipatory, he watches you, waits for your response.

You comb the hair out of your face messily, licking over the cinnamon sugar on your lips; then you smile up at him, turning your head in question. “Sorry,” you laugh, and his heart’s frozen because it’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard. “What did you say?”

The wind roars in his ears, so Charles barely hears himself when he says, stuttering, “What? Nothing, I said nothing.”

You make a face—confused, suspicious—but all your allegations quell once you bite into another churro, stepping yourself a path along the area. Having blocked off the building, production staff and models are all that populate your surroundings, big headphones and even bigger cameras, rolling around racks of monochrome and Hermés, Birkins to match Loro Pianas. It’s easy to get lost in a crowd—in a city—where everyone looks the same, and knows the other’s name. Perhaps that’s also why, even at fourteen, you were excited to leave, he thinks.

“The coast was always my favorite part about the city.”

He notices. The way your eyes have softened, become more fond than when you’re in the centre of it all, in the bustle. Here it’s busy, but less busy; the distinction, perhaps, matters. Your gaze is not one of distaste, of disdain. It’s nostalgic, homesick, yearning. He supposes he describes this gaze so well because it’s the way he catches himself looking at you over the week. 

“I wanted to…” He trails off. “I wanted to talk to you because, ah. I’m sorry. It was foolish of me to put you on the spot last night. I should’ve been more… yeah. I’m sorry. I hope you’re okay.”

You stare at the sea and nod quietly. Instead of responding, you launch a story: “I always…” You’re clearly lost in a different sphere of thought, and you have to fall quiet while finding the right words to say. “I remember, um. In Year 3, we—I came here with my mum. And I was super mad, because I got, like, three mistakes on my Maths paper?” You laugh and he does, too, but more because your storytelling is so effortlessly enthralling and funny and he needs to shut himself up.

“Anyway.” You pace around again, and he follows. “So, I’m mad, and she’s trying to cheer me up, buys me glace and everything, but no. So I go sit myself on a random bench. It must’ve been around here, I think.” You look around and point at an empty area. “There. But it’s—they must’ve ripped it out. Whatever. So yeah, I’m sitting there, and moping, and all of a sudden All You Need is Love by The Beatles comes blaring into the entire area.”

Charles’ eyebrows knit confusedly. “What, the bench area?”

“No—the whole pier, I guess? Like, it was loud, I almost jumped. And then this guy comes in holding this huge—this, um, board? Sign? Poster? And he’s got half the pier in on his whole thing, and I’m totally… it was just… yeah.” You smile. It’s the biggest smile he’s seen on you since you got here and the fact that he’s even around to see it gets him all warm.

“So what happened?”

“It was a flash mob. You know those—yeah, they’re usually insufferable, but that one was a little calmer. Nobody was, you know, dancing and yelling. It was just a bunch of people cheering and all, and the guy was actually proposing to his girlfriend. It was so cute.” You sigh a little, a brief exhale of air, and it turns into a smile. “I’d love that.”

He raises his eyebrows and, despite himself, laughs. “Vraiment?” 

You turn to him, ready to defend yourself, mid-laugh. “Heeey. Everyone says they find big, romantic gestures cheesy, but I think deep down, if you trust the person enough, you’ll like it. Maybe not a proposal, though—can you imagine the pressure?” You pause. “But I don’t know. There’s something so nice about just knowing that person loves you so much they think it’s worth it to share it to everyone around you. So even if it’s cheesy, I wouldn’t mind much. You?”

“It’s cheesy for me,” he disagrees, shrugging. “But I see your point.” Truth be told, he didn’t see you as a romantic type—but all he’s ever seen you do lately is work, and even back in childhood, all you ever did was study. He likes learning these little facts, ones you wouldn’t share in interviews—likes knowing you feel comfortable enough to share with him. “Dancing is a bit overboard.”

“Oh, definitely.” You throw your head back to laugh, eyes half-shut and crinkled and reflecting the sun. Would you look the same if he was dancing to The Beatles, proclaiming all the words he hasn’t had the courage to say?

—

Next question is who your first love was—we’re rolling in three…

“First love?” You laughed a little, facing the camera to continue your Screen Test interview with W. The questions had been candid and lovely, but they were about your career, which you answered with familiar ease. First love is different—uncharted, private territory. But you’d realized all this too late, and the director called go, and you let words spill out of you like a bag popped open.

“I want to be funny and witty and say acting, but that would be a lie. Um, my first love was a childhood friend. We lived near each other, our parents were friends, and I… I really did, I liked him a lot. But these—there were so many factors at tension with each other, like me moving away in 2013—that’s, what, six years ago now? And us being young and not really knowing how to communicate. When you’re a teenager, you’re kind of just like, oh, no worries, um, that’ll sort itself out, and then you grow up and look back and realize, these things never do. But I miss him a, a, a… a lot, and I think of him always.” Your smile didn’t reach your eyes when you looked at the camera again. “We learn a lot from childhood loves.”

Cut. Lovely. Just lovely.

“Thank you, Lynn,” you said with a small smile. A pause as silence creeps up onto the room, and then, quieter: “Could we omit that? I—sorry. I could answer anything else. First kiss, or something? I’m sorry, I just. Sorry.” For the first time in five years, you realize, you’ve conjured his memory again.

—

“Okay. What else do you remember?”

“I… do you remember the recital song?”

“Of course I do! The dance is… that’s a different story.” You’d been at Charles’ hotel room earlier to go over some video shoot regulations for a 24 Hours With video you’re doing in a few days. You stayed because—that’s beyond you at this point, and you’d rather not delve into the rationality of it all. You’re content with thinking about how nice this conversation is, a trip down memory lane.

“The dance, mon dieu, the dance.” He smothers a hand over his face, smiles fondly. “You were at the center!”

“Stop. Stop,” you protest, letting laughter settle into quiet. “It’s crazy, you know? How we… like, we share a life. Not—but like, we had a whole childhood together.” 

“And nobody knows.” It’s not something you keep a secret on purpose—it’s just that neither of you feel like name-dropping the other. Some stories have surfaced, but none of you have fully commented. Somehow, that’s a good thing for you.

“Do people ask?”

“People ask, yes.” His accent is a reminder of your past—you’d once had the same thick wraparound, the loose reign over English you’ve now grown to master. Now your accent is a lot thinner, to the point where it’s barely perceptible, and if it is, your coworkers and fans call it cute, chic, use it as a jumping off point to ask where you grew up. But in this hotel room, legs folded underneath you and glass of wine in hand, you have no coworkers or fans, it feels like; no one to perceive you but Charles. Charles and his accent, nostalgic and so very his, which you wouldn’t describe as anything but home.

“What do you tell them, then?” Quickly, you add: “The truth, or…?”

“That we knew each other as kids,” he says, smiling absently. “That is the truth, no?”

You cover a smile with the rim of your wine glass, nodding. There’s no revisionist history in that statement, but it hides a lot of the truth, the nitty gritty of it. You know it, he knows it, you both know it. “What would you want me to say?” His voice is soft and thin and imploring, so different from the boisterous voice he uses in public, from the slurred voice you heard in the club. This sounds real. This sounds like a conversation you would’ve had years ago in your childhood bedroom before everything went—

“Nothing, that’s fine.” You cut your own reverie off, clearing your throat. You even laugh, to alleviate the tension, but he sees right through you so many years later. “Unless you’re privy to telling people how we didn’t talk for months before I left.”

He blinks, smothers a palm over his face again, and sighs, eyes meeting yours. “I’m sorry. I don’t—I… I’ve wanted to bring it up.”

“I’m not mad.” It’s a half-lie. “Okay, no—I am, a bit. It just—it would’ve been nice to hear it two weeks ago.”

“I know.” He doesn’t even need to say it, but him saying it sends a low thrum of reassurance in you. Charles has found, in the two weeks of being in your company, that he accomplishes a sense of self—a sense of quiet, a sense of privacy—when he’s alone with you. Perhaps it’s your natural ability to bring out the best in people, to talk and loosen tongues and make everyone around you feel safe. Or, and this is on a likely front, maybe he misses being one of those people. 

He pretends he’s back to last week after another club rendezvous left you tipsier than the first time, dropping you off at your hotel room with two hands taut at your shoulders, one pinching a keycard. You’d been muttering something under your breath, stumbling as you went—you weren’t tripping too much, really; he didn’t need to hold you, but he told himself he had to—and leaning against the doorframe of your room, staring at him blankly. When he met your eyes, you said: maybe, just maybe. Just those three words. If he tries to remember right, you’d been smiling, but he was sufficiently tipsy, too, so he could just as well be wrong.

He does remember a few things right. The eyeliner smudged across your lower eye, lipstick smacked to a point where it looked like you wore none, beads of salt by your lip, your hand wrapped around your necklace. 

The silence is anything but awkward; still, he resolves to break it. “When you were drunk last week.” He looks up. “You said—you kept saying, maybe, just maybe.”

A laugh escapes you, stilted and a bit nervous. “Oh. That was—yeah, okay.”

“What’s it mean?”

“You seriously don’t remember?” You’re laughing for real now, your hair bobbing with it, eyebrows furrowed to emphasize your confusion. “Oh, my God. Charles, it’s all you ever said in Year… what, 7? I don’t… anyway. But when we were maybe twelve, I…”

Momentarily, you’re stunned by the memories of him—you’d forgotten they were even there. You press a few fingers to your lips and clear your throat. “Sorry. Yeah, I, um—I think you heard it in a movie or read it somewhere, and for ages it was your favorite saying. Maybe, just maybe.”

“I don’t underst—”

“—You were always just saying it,” you cut in, laughing, your voices layering as you discuss the origin of his former favorite term. “No, you really—”

“I don’t—I do not ever remember say—”

“—Well,” you say,  “I remember.” He stays silent for a few seconds, the intensity of your stare and the little smile on your face and everything beating down on him. For a split second he thinks of opening his mouth and getting on his knees and telling you everything, all the apologies, all the things unsaid in the months and years you became strangers. He seriously does. The pressure is almost physical, beyond overwhelming.

“I have to go.” You swallow the lump in your throat, disentangle your legs and clamber off the couch, setting the empty glass on his coffee table. “Good?”

“Yeah,” he says, blinking. “Yeah. Take care. Should I drive you?”

“God, no.” You laugh breathily. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He closes the door after you leave, stares at it, as if that will conjure you back to him. It occurs to him, jolts him almost, that he’d almost let slip a quiet utterance of love you as you slipped out. His stomach boils. With thankfulness over not having said it, he wonders—or with regret?

—

“Best friends now, are you?” Lily, Carmen, and Rachel look up to the sound of your voice, their serious faces breaking out into smiles. If you could chart the time you spent here, there are definitely people you’ve spent the most time with—these three are at the top of the list. You hang your coat and drop your Chanel bag on the entryway seat, already picking up on the British noises of Love Island UK from the telly.

“Wait, so she’s hooking up with him?” Lily asks, confused; her train of thought is cut off by your flopping onto the bed. “Hiiii. Where’ve you been?”

Muffled by the bedspread: Charles’ place.

Silence. The television switches off and you hear the precarious preparation of three girls readying themselves for a debrief-or-sobfest of a lifetime, a noise you’ve heard and partaken in countless times over your life. You suddenly feel too watched, too spectated; you break the quiet by looking up, displaying your tear-streaked face.

“Talk to us,” Rachel encourages, her voice raspy with unuse (Love Island will keep one occupied and quiet for hours on end). Three of them are touching you in some way or other, reassuring grips on your hair or shoulders. “Did you two fight?”

And, oh Christ, fight? It’s not like you’re dating. You aren’t even halfway to that (not that you want to be, but that’s a discussion for another time). The idea of a fight with him is so terribly juvenile, so horribly reminiscent of secondary school and Monaco and being together and being friends. You can’t fight with a guy who’s not your boyfriend. You can’t fight with a guy you’re not close to, for Chrissake. You squeeze your tears out of your eyes and breathe hiccups out.

“Do you want gelato?” No, no.

“Love Island?” In a minute.

The truth is, you want both, but you really just want to sort everything out with Charles. It was no use—hating each other was futile, but pretending everything was fine in some pathetic attempt at a “truce” seemed even worse. You just want to talk everything out, even if it excavates feelings you’d once been able to suppress.

“What kind of crush doesn’t disappear after ten years?” You ask through tears. It’s almost funny, but the question comes straight from the heart. “I’ve dated guys, lived across the world, started a whole new life pretending he never—pretending we were—fuck. Pretending he didn’t exist. It was—I’m not lying, it was easy, pretending. But one glimpse—I see him one time and suddenly it feels like all of it was in vain. It’s the same crush I had before, coming back, like it’s never going to leave me alone.”

“Maybe it’s not a crush,” says Lily, slowly.

“So what is it then?” You ask, hopelessly. What is this—this revival of memories? This little feeling, this sense that no matter where he is or what he’s doing, you’ll be just as in tune when you reunite even if it takes a decade? A decade spurred by months of being given the cold shoulder? What kind of magic is that?

She doesn’t answer, because you already know.

—

“Hey Vogue—I’m here with Charles Leclerc, and we’re here to take you along with us on all our little adventures here in Monaco.” Your smile is rehearsed, the perfectly-orchestrated blend of fun and serious, and when the cameraman calls cut, it falls into a more natural resting face. It’s the one Charles turns to and observes for any signs of a grudge.

The day is busy, which is precisely why it was chosen as the film day: three shows in the morning, press junkets for your movie and Charles’ season in the afternoon, and then a gala in the evening, hosted and attended by Anna Wintour herself.

The day’s business is only trumped by its tension, which reaches its crescendo in the janitor’s closet of the fourth floor of your hotel. It’d begun with a fight over the color palette, then a fight over last conversation you shared, then a fight over him fucking up the color palette, and then kissing against the door. Ironically enough, this floor houses a fair number of honeymoon suites.

It’s ironic beause hardly anything about this is or should be romantic—it’s a temporary fix, a pause from the turmoil, his hand squeezing your thigh. He’s gentle but you feel his possessiveness, lingering longer, higher and higher up until he’s playing with the high hem of your skirt. You knot your fingers in his hair, smell the shampoo and hairspray and cologne in the wispy curls there.

He kisses your jaw, then downward, until he’s licking, nipping at your throat. Charles.

“Yeah?” His voice is rough against your pulse point.

“Make it—we gotta—quicker.” Your hands tremble, heart hammering loud and bold in your chest. His voice is sure, gravelly, quiet, and you have to focus on something—so you centre on his hands, up your thighs and slipping under the lace of your skirt, bunching the fabric up around your hips. His hands, big and calloused, fingers resting on your hipbones, on your ass.

He’s hard against your thigh, straining against his jeans. You could cry. “I want more.”

“I know, baby. I know.” The pet name, so new but so natural, sends you into a dopamine rush.

You squirm when he doesn’t let up on his touches, over every inch of your body, groping you. He wants to take his time—he hates that he can’t—and counts on the possibility of a next time. You pull him in for a spit-slick kiss, needy and whimpering, sloppy and tongues knotted. It feels good—fuck, it feels like this was all you were ever made for, his touch. 

You buck your hips into the air desperately. “We really—fuck. We don’t have time.” Cameras, a shoot, a video; reminders ring in your head like alarm bells. He nods, goes I know, and you pick up the strain in his voice as he tugs his jeans down just enough to rub his clothed cock under your entrance, hard and drooling through the fabric.

You moan softly. “Please, I can take it,” you breathe. You’ve never been this wet, this worked up, this teased. You need to feel him, be full of him; he presses you flush against the door with a hand at the small of your back to keep it from aching too much, and drops forward as he pushes into you. Your noses brush and he goes deeper, air thick and muffled with little moans and whimpers.

His mouth is against your jaw, thrusting slowly to get you used to the size of him. The angle gets you dizzy, draws a burst of wetness out and gets you clenching around him. You’re flushed and sweaty, moaning. Feels s’good. So good, Charles, so, so good. He fucks harder, the door rattling, dirty talk cooed from his lips to your ear: Yeah? Feels real good? You’re so good for me, baby, come on.

Your needy voice, needier movements, are driving him crazy, getting him to fuck you harder, licking over his lips as he watches you fall apart on his dick. Relax, he slurs. You squeeze around him and moan, wretched and raw. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. You’re so big. You’re getting his dick wetter and wetter with every thrust, shiny and drooling with cum.

Yeah? He says it so well, the best kind of reassurance. Come on, we don’t have time, baby. Let me feel you cum.

I know— you whine. I’m cumming—it feels too good—

You cum first, thighs shaky around him and lip curling into your teeth. You lean forward, mouth to his shoulder, and bite at the cotton. Fuck, he grunts, and releases then, a groan spilled into your hair. You watch, laughing breathlessly, and feel the world click into something different. 

You two will do anything, apparently, but talk this all through.

—

The gala is big and extravagant and you’re seated not with Charles this time, but with a roster of celebrities straight out of an LAX red-eye. Anna is at the table adjacent, andy you were able to talk to her about the experience, though not without leaving out bits with Charles in them.

You’re beside Florence and she’s talking about something, about a new movie she’s working on, and you chip in with jokes and laughs but your smile doesn’t really reach your eyes. You’re still caught in a web of fragile confusion. “I need to excuse myself for a moment,” you say after a while, after you’ve done nothing but smile and push broccoli puree around on your plate.

Consolation comes with isolation, at least tonight, at least right now. You find an empty balcony on the third floor, stare into the black sea. You try and try to remember what life was like three weeks ago, but it’s irrevocable now, the change that’s come since then. You tap the glass of your beer bottle against the marble banister, solid and probably expensive—a match for the rest of the hotel, you realize. It’s starkingly clean and smooth, and white, the kind of things you’d only say about a marble banister when you’re trying to avoid an adult introspection.

Behind you: “Are you okay?” 

In response, you say, “We shouldn’t have had sex.”

Charles settles himself into a spot near you, not totally beside but not too far—he, too, holds onto a bottle of beer. There are fancier drinks around, but somehow the dry taste of ale is all that brings you comfort right now. Your gears turn and, without prompt or question, you spill yourself forth.

“It was hard, when you didn’t… when we didn’t talk, and you didn’t ever tell me why, so I didn’t know anything. I keep remembering it, even now, what—ten years later, ha ha, even after… I don’t know, after the fact. We’re supposed to have moved on from shit that happened to us when we were fifteen but I’m finding it to be the hardest thing in the world. It was so… like, I had no trouble saying goodbye to anything else but you. And I’m famous now, my life is a whole thing, a—this whole party, and I’m supposed to… fuck.” You shut your eyes, and you can feel, through the thick fog of embarrassment and delirium, the tears that stain your cheeks. “It’s like. You know when you’re a teenager and you see all of it in movies and TV, this, like, moment where you’re staring at someone from across a room, and you’re smiling and talking to other people and you’re happy because you know in a few hours, you’ll be with that person anyway? At home, rearranging furniture, feeding the dog, eating leftovers? That… I always thought you’d be that person for me. Maybe because you were the only—you know—the only love I ever knew, and now, what. Four? Boyfriends and ten years later, you might expect me to feel differently—hell I expect myself to feel differently, but, unfortunately for you and me, I don’t. Sorry. I’m not—I’m not drunk, or anything.”

He stares at you, his expression soft and unreadable. It feels like it’s just the two of you in the world today, twenty-somethings, ten years later, unearthing all you left buried. “I…” he says, before pausing. “I’m sorry for leaving.”

You nod in response. 

“I always thought you would forgive me.” His face is sullen and handsome and your heart seizes. “I wanted to be your person.”

“How could I forgive you without an apology?” Your voice comes out fragile. “I leave in three days. You’ve fu—you’ve… you’ve kissed me, had sex with me, flirted with me. You’ve done everything but that.”

“I did apologize. I don’t think it was enough, but—”

“But you didn’t,” you reply, a jagged response. “You never said anything.”

“I wrote you.” His eyebrows knit. “I wrote you.” 

“You wrote me.” You repeat, deadpan. Your head spins with it. “What, a letter?”

“An e-mail. Before your first film came out—2014? A year after you… yeah.” He’s quiet and timid and nervous. “I forced Gi to tell me your address.”

“I didn’t… I wasn’t using that e-mail anymore. I haven’t in years.” You pinch your nose and let the silence settle like fine dust onto the room, an unspoken bomb that explodes over the both of you, raining regret and unsaid words. “I have to go.” You push yourself off the banister, turning already to the doors of the balcony. He stops you before you can step any further, a hand closed over your wrist, rough and warm.

“If you find the message,” he says, “will you read it?”

“I don’t plan to,” you lie. “Goodnight.”

—

From: Charles Perceval Leclerc <[email protected]>

Date: 14 October 2014

To: You

Subject: Urgent!

hey buttercup, I asked Giada for this email address. my bday in 2 days. Will you be home for Xmas this year btw? ill show you some new places that open ed + we can bike around. mum misses u a lot too. parfois je souhaite que tu ne partes pas… not sometimes but always. i think i need to edit this a little let me try ag

From: Charles Perceval Leclerc <[email protected]>

Date: 14 October 2014

To: You

Subject: Buttercup

j’appellerais mais je ne pense pas que tu veuilles répondre. it’s been more than a year since you moved out, in two days i’ll be celebrating my second birthday w/o you. i’ve been karting a lot, things are looking up, just like we always said they would :) just want to say i miss you a lot, and i hope you’re doing good. i would say i hate radio silence but i know it’s my fault all this happened in the first place. i’m sorry i stopped talking to you last year when you were moving away. i was being childish, but the truth is it was the only way i could handle it - by pretending we werent friends at all… i don’t want to make you pity me or anything (ne pense pas que je suis) but yeah you’re my best friend and you always will be. i’m sorry for being a knot head.

i was always scared to tell you but it’s been there since forever: i love you. i should’ve enjoyed your months here instead of leaving you in the air. i know i ignored you but it’s the 1 thing i regret. should’ve done a lot more, i know.. but i didn’t. we have a lot of promises i broke because i was being selfish. i kept the paper ring to remind me. remember that? we had a “playground wedding” when we were 5/6?

tu ne me dois rien - i just want you to give me a chance to make you happy, even if it’s just in the way we’ve always been (as friends). if you write me back i’ll try and fly there. mum is always asking me if we’ve talked yet. if not, that’s ok. i love you all the same and i will love you as you reach your dreams. this will never change. 

charles

p.s: est-ce que je te manque?

p.p.s: call me if you can and wish me a happy birthday?

—

“Rachel, I would sooner die than wait another two hours for the tarmac to clear again.” You try to up the firmness in your voice but it fails, only serving to make you sound less angry and more agitated. When all you get in response is a muffled I’m coming! you grumble and hang up the phone. Your plane was delayed all of three times, and the instant it arrives and is scheduled to take off on time, your friendsistant is nowhere to be found.

Lily and Carmen had thrown you a goodbye party the night prior, with sprinklers and music and cocktails, and promised to be on the next flight to L.A. Vogue and David had emailed you for a job done spectacularly, and to watch out for the videos and interviews’ release dates. Twitter is raving about your movie. Everything should be good, and yet, it’s not.

You check your inbox. IM COMJNG LILTIERALLY IM RUNNING THRU AJRPPRT!!!!!! You scoff again, hoping the plane doesn’t somehow take off for the fourth time, and take a seat on the VIP waiting area sofa again, shaking your now-empty chai latte. The room, sectioned off from economy and business, is fairly full.

A woman paces over to you, a bright grin on her face. “Hi. I’m a huge fan.”

“Thank you,” you smile, despite your tiredness.

“This is so embarrassing—but do you happen to have the time?”

“Sure”—you tap your phone open—“half past four.”

“Great,” she says. “Thanks, Buttercup.”

You’re opening your mouth to say you’re welcome, but it catches like cotton in your throat. You watch her depart like nothing happened, a strange feeling settling in your chest. You have barely any time to answer it, because a flight attendant is tapping you on the shoulder, addressing you by name, thankfully. She maintains a tone of professionalism all throughout her announcement that the aircraft under your name will have to evacuate the runway in ten minutes or less.

“I know, I know—I’m just, um. I’m waiting for somebody. She should be near now, though.”

“Tremendous. Merci, Buttercup.”

“Wh—” You stutter, blinking and watching her leave. “What?”

She doesn’t turn, walking to the kiosk to exchange information with her coworkers. You look around the airport, for a camera hidden somewhere maybe. Perhaps you’ve been unknowingly listed in some Impractical Jokers skit.

Rach hurry you text instead, leaning back and hoping you’re in some grandiose delusion. Your phone dings. Omw promise! It reads. Then: Look up buttercup

Your head snaps upward faster than you can register what you’ve just read, matching the opening notes of a song you’ve grown all too familiar with in your lifetime. The opening beat to Build Me Up, Buttercup flows like honey through the room’s intercom and floods it with life.

Mouth agape, you watch as the staff and guests perform the routine you’d learned at fourteen, complete with hops and turns you were too embarrassed to do even then. They’re smiling and whooping themselves and each other as they go, finishing the entire first verse before turning collectively to the entrance of the room. There, in all his glory: Charles, wearing an entirely too-small headdress that reads Buttercup, worn dusty from years of being stored away.

He’s dancing, too, closer to you. You refuse to budge for the express purpose that he dance some more, which he complies with, though not without an eyeroll and an exasperated sigh. Your heart beats with something irregular and warm. You’d told him about this before. He’d listened.

The music settles for a little and the dancers do, too, so he takes the time to raise his sign. Will you forgive me? It reads. No pressure. Except kind of. You laugh, throwing your head back at the gesture, at this entire affair that must have taken some amount of effort to prepare. As the lyric comes on, so does his sign: I need you… more than anyone, darling.

He drops the sign when you approach him, arms crossed over your torso. He removed the headdress and places it gingerly on yours. “I believe that belongs to you.”

And, hyperaware of all the eyes and yet the complete lack of cameras—you’re grateful for it—you finally, finally, finally pull him in for a kiss. You’ve kissed before, done your worst, but still means volumes to the both of you.

In-between kisses and cheers (from voices belonging to Lorenzo, Rachel, Lily—so many familiar ones), he says it again: “I’m sorry. I’ll make it all up to you.”

“You better,” you tease into his lips, smiling. “I know. I love you.” Ten years later—your person still is, and no doubt will always be, Charles Leclerc.

#f1 #charles leclerc #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc drabble #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc smut #f1 x reader

[ataraxiaspainting]

Catch a Grenade.

Yan Nanami x GN Reader.

Synopsis: You should have just left that damn satchel where you found it.

Warnings: Yandere themes, kidnapping, some infantilization, humiliation/manipulation, and violence.

Word Count: 900.

Continuation of Never Let Me Down Again.

*~*~*~*

“Go.” Only one word, said so coldly yet loud enough to hear it above the stomps of Kento’s clad feet making their way down the hall. “I say this only once.”

The only reason he does not tug you is because he will surely accidentally break your wrist or your arm.

You know this from experience, all without words and all with actions.

“Since you have planned so much, you should have planned for other possibilities.” You cannot see his face because you are facing the corner of the living room, your forehead leaning against one of the walls. You cannot see his face, but you know he is furious, from the tone in his voice to the position he forced you into. He put you in the time-out corner, a corner that you have not been put into since the first month you arrived here.

The walls are a dull marigold and smell of spoiled milk. This corner also has a large white spot that is uncovered by the paint, and so you attempt to push your nose against that instead.

In what felt like months ago, you attempted to tear off the paint out of boredom. Kento was angry, but not angry enough to buy more paint to fix it.

“I do so much for you…” He says, and there is the sound of his armchair squeaking slightly. He must be sitting on it, grimacing. There isn’t any other cause to think about, not when this sound has been the only one you had heard for months, aside from Kento’s tones, the television, and your cries. Yeah. That must be it, you think. “God. What the hell were you thinking? I have work tomorrow too…”

You don’t say anything. You close your eyes and breathe in the only piece of air that does not smell so rotten. You can imagine being somewhere else, doing something else, other than being here, and being forced to stand on your tiptoes against a coat of yellow latex. Anything else.

“Answer.” He demands, and you can hear the soft sound of his right foot thumping up and down on the musty carpet floor. “Or do you want to be in more trouble than you already are?”

Out of instinct, out of a want so embedded within you, to survive, you stutter out some hardly audible words.

“You don’t have any logic in you, do you?” He sounds so disappointed, and your mind goes to the image of him having his arms crossed. “I’m right. Aren’t I?”

Your toes hurt already. But it feels like something is holding you up by your neck and forcing you to stay there. An invisible noose made of fear. An invisible weight in your chest too.

…

“I’m sorry, Kento…” You murmur, sniffling as tears and snot and drool run down your face.

“No, you’re not.” He refutes. You can hear him turn to another page of whatever he is reading.

“Please. I am… I am…” You repeat I am a few more times, feeling humiliated, like just an infant who doesn’t know their place.

A sigh. “Are you? Are you? How do I know you’re not lying, hmm? Again?”

Even the soft carpet underneath your toes feels like a bed of thorns at this point. Everything hurts.

“Please, Kento…! I am…! I am…!”

A whine escapes your lips, like a defeated dog sent off to rest in their crate without a treat: a dog, a mutt, a pet.

“Are you?” Another familiar sound of pages turning. You must have been here for hours at this point, so the thing he is reading must be quite long indeed.

So long.

You can imagine him rubbing his thumb and pointer finger into his brow area in frustration, disappointment, in apathy pretending to be sympathy. “You don’t appreciate what I do for you… Do you?”

You can feel a glare, and the ghost of something squeezing your neck to force more desperate words out of you. “P-Please, I’m-” 

You hear the squeak of Kento’s armchair again.

You feel hands, the same hands that always felt so strong, on your shoulders, and you are turned around with ease. He looks at you, but you don’t look at him. You look at his shirt, his work shirt, still halfway unbuttoned with his tie hanging loosely from the stained collar. You can smell his cologne, although it has almost fully faded away. You can remember tying it before he left for work this morning, he looked so happy that you were behaving so well for him.

You almost scream out thank yous, but then Kento ruins your small moment of happiness again.

“We aren’t done.” You see the book he was reading this whole time, it is thick and red and looks so heavy. The pain on your cheek came so fast that you didn’t even see it move. You stumble back, the back of your head hitting hard against the white spot on the wall. 

You were too focused on the pain, on crying even more, that you didn’t notice the book being raised again.

#yandere #yandere x reader #aya abstractions #yandere nanami #yandere jujutsu kaisen x reader #yandere jjk x reader #yandere jujutsu kaisen #yandere jjk #yandere nanami kento #yandere kento nanami #yandere nanami x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

HCs of Alfie with a younger wife? Like in her mid 20s 💕

Hello my darling!!! I’m sorry this took forever! But I am back!!! Please enjoy this little nugget. Also y’all HCs are so fun!!!! Maybe I should do more.

He wasn’t planning on marrying a younger woman. Let’s be honest he wasn’t planning on getting married PERIOD.

But then you blustered in…

You came in. Full of wisdom so far beyond your age. Full of confidence that came from the knowledge that you were the best you you could be. Full of light that he thought would flee from a man like him.

He immediately was drawn to you. Your soothing voice that brought down his rage, which so quickly could come full force against him when he got too brash and foolish, reminding him that there’s no need to destroy what was not yet broken.

Despite the incurable draw to you, he said he would stay away. Be respectful. Be a respectful old man.

You would have none of it. Because truthfully he wasn’t that old. He was just snippy and preferred his habits. He hadn’t been a young man ever since the war. Regardless what his birth certificate said.

In truth it didn’t take too much to get him to relent. He’s just a man in front of a beautifully infuriating woman. And after a screaming match ending with you laughing at his reddening ears and hoarse voice, he let himself finally say it, “Right then. Now only my woman gets to screech at me like you do. So I’ll see you tomorrow night? Take you to the pictures and maybe dinner?”

And soon enough he asked for your hand, rumors and shaking heads be damned. He needed you more than air, and for some reason you loved him just as much.

Alfie expected his life would change once you were moved into his home. Was only natural. But he didn’t expect to change THIS much.

Or that he would like it. That he would feel like a chasm he didn’t realize he had was finally sealed up and healed with the first morning he woke up to you next to him.

Younger yes. Unorganized you were not. And very quickly upon your arrival did you see the bachelor pad state and work your magic to rectify. To turn this dragon’s cave into an actual home. Curtains and windows finally opened to let in fresh air. Ledgers and letters were filed away. The garden in the back finally being tended to to indicate actual humans lived and loved on the premises.

Remember that Alfie has been a bachelor the majority of his life. Any pretty women which came into his life were quickly shoo’d away. So to say he was puzzled by your… womanly… tools?? Weapons??… was putting it lightly.

“My dove now what the fuck are these? They look like tiny dinner rolls.”

“They’re rollers Alfie! For my hair! Gives it the wave.”

“Right right hair wave rollers yes of course. Now what about these… powders and things?”

“My rouge and lipstick darling.”

He didn’t get it at all.

Though Alfie is partial to opera and the absolute classics, he adores the new music you bring home. His family in Boston adore you immensely and have taken to mailing you the newest records in America.

If you’re extra sweet, you can usually coax him to dance with you, spinning yourself around him in a tizzy. By the end of your evenings he’s drunk without even a single sip of rum.

He’s never been so happy. So care free. But there is this nagging feeling in his stomach. One that won’t go away. That maybe you’re not truly happy. That you’re secretly wishing to be back out with the young people. To go out dancing in pretty dresses instead of in the living room in your dressing gown. To be fawned over in illustrious restaurants instead of cooking dinner together most nights. Had he robbed you of your youth simply because he’s selfish?

He never tells you this. No being a man means keeping your feelings inside and not letting your woman see you less than perfectly confident. (His words not mine)

But you read him so easily. It’s easy when you love someone so completely. Especially if your lover gets the deepest scowl on his face when he’s troubled, staring deep into space.

When you finally coax him out of him, he merely grumbled like a shifting mountain, trying to brush it off.

But oh how he wished he told you sooner. You assure him that you never really enjoyed the clubs and high society outings. You much preferred to stay home with your friends and other loved ones. What could possibly be out there that could even come close to what you have in the house.

When you do manage to get out of the house, either to the cinema, walking Cyril, venturing out for dinner, or because you insisted that walking is good for him, he is fully aware of the stares.

Some are… disapproving. As much as they can be towards the King of Camden. But the ones he is most irritated by are the love sick stares of the young men who trail after you. Clearly covetous and stupid enough to be blind to the beast that walks close beside you.

He is shocked you don’t notice. When he brings it up to you, you merely laugh, “Why would I be noticing men staring? The only man I’m concerned with is you.”

That comment makes him smirk wickedly, grasping firmly to your waist as you laughed brightly, swatting his chest playfully when he growls in your ear.

For all your ferocity and fiery eyes, Alfie still dotes on you and frets over you. Little presents are common. He insists on you bundling at the slightest drop of temperature or precipitation. And begrudgingly “permits” you to attend to errands on your own (you and everyone else knows he would never forbid you unless it was truly dangerous. But he loves to rile you up and tease).

You’ll never want for anything being his bride. Nothing is off limits for you. Even if he does make a show of pulling out bank notes, groaning about how his bank account suffers. Even when he’s the one that insists on buying you new things.

He may be the older one, but you are some how so much more wiser and practical. Anchoring him to the present when the nightmares come. Secretly convening with his doctors to heal the deep aches and malaise. He insists you’re magic.

To some it’s unconventional. Your love doesn’t make sense. But to those who truly know, you’re a match made in heaven.

#alfie solomons #alfie solomons x reader #alfie solomons x you #alfie solomons fanfic #alfie solomons x y/n #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #alfie solomons thoughts #Alfie Solomon’s hcs

[saddestsquid]

Can we get an overworked reader x Gaz where the reader Accidently snaps on Gaz, and Gaz tries to calm her down and it like.. Ends in fluff? 🥺

Of course !! Thank you so much for the ask ^^ This is my first one ever, so I hope it’s what you wanted!

Gaz just wants his luv to sleep !!

Warnings: Just a tiny bit of angst but then fluff! Reader has no specified gender but is called luv.

. . .

“Luv please….you need to lie down.” He said softly, placing a gentle hand on your back to try and guide you to the tattered couch in your office.

“I can’t, I need to finish filing these reports before the new recruits come in for training tomorrow-“ 

“Today.” He cut you off. “It’s two in the morning, they come at six.”

“What?!” You gawk at him, shoving his hand away and running back to your desk. “Why would you let me get distracted- I still have atleast 20 to fill out!” You rambled, fumbling with the papers you failed to organize.

“Now Y/N-“ He tried to say, but you bombarded him with questions like; ‘How many recruits is there that Price agreed to help train? How many guns do we have to spare? Which task forces is he planning for them to be sent to? Can you pass me that pen?

“Slow down there dove, Price hasn’t told me everything yet but-“

“Then why- I just need you to-“ you struggled to find the words, groaning and rummaging through the pile of documents, trying to get your overtired brain to focus on the information in front of you. 

“Your brain can’t work like this lovie, you seriously need to get some sleep.” He tried again, looking so unbothered it made your jaw clench before you could get a hold of your rapidly rising temper.

Finally you snapped, slamming your pen down on the table. “Look Gaz, if you’re not going to help just get out! I can’t afford to sit and do nothing like you right now.” You shouted, seething until you took in his shocked expression and the pure crassness of your words hit you. 

You stuttered, trying desperately to explain yourself. “Gaz, no I-“

“I already filled them out for you when you were running around helping Price earlier.” He stated, and you raised an eyebrow in confusion. “I saw how much you had to do and figured you were going to overwork yourself again getting it done, so I did it.” He admitted, not looking hurt at all by your words but instead cocky. “Go on, look at them again.”

With a wince, you shuffled through the papers again and noticed all 30+ reports were in fact filled out. In way nicer handwriting too, and with far more information than your quickly scribbled out mess on the previous 8 or so pages.

“Gaz.” You muttered, then whined into your palms with so much misery he cackled.

“Thank you- seriously, you’re so sweet and thoughtful and I’m just a- a mess.” You grumbled guiltily, pouting up at him.

He just shrugged. “Well, you’re my mess, and I think my mess could use some sleep.” He smiled playfully, holding out his arms to you.

You rolled your eyes but smiled back and stood up from the desk, rushing to run around it and fall into his arms. He wrapped those strong biceps around you, and suddenly you felt okay.

“Not on this old ass couch tho, even someone so cruel to me deserves better….” He sighed dramatically, making you slap him in the arm. You went to explain yourself but let out a surprised squeak when he picked you up bridal-style and carried you back to his quarters with ease. You blushed and squirmed in his arms, scared someone might see, but he couldn’t care less if anyone found out you were dating. He simply tossed you on the bed and jumped right in next to you, tugging you by the hip into his warm chest.

“I really am sorry.” You mumbled. “I don’t know why I acted like that, you’ve been nothing but sweet and supportive….”

“You’re stressed, I get it. Just next time, try to accept my help.” He replied softly while playing with your hair.

“I will.” You promised, burying your face into his neck and laying your arms over his shoulders comfortably. Within seconds you fell asleep in his warm embrace, and he followed soon after adding—“Goodnight my love.”

I really hope this was good!! Procrastination is hitting me like a brick but I really wanted to do this ask for you, and it honestly boosted my motivation so thank you !! ♡ I have a König blurb in my drafts that I’ll try to get out by tommorow, and another fic in the works…from a different fandom this time >:) Have a good night/day lovelies!! -Melo

#cod #call of duty #kyle gaz garrick x you #kyle gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick #asks #fluff #gaz fluff #kyle garrick

[abilouwrites]

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL

Mat Barzal x fem!oc

Series Masterlist

ONE

I only like the bookstore during the night, when it’s slow and nobody’s around. The lights are flickering and the town suddenly goes quiet in contrast with the bustle of the busy mornings and heavy traffic of the day.

I only work here on the weekends for the closing shifts or the opening ones. Something to make a little more money to fall back on besides my adult corporate job. My parents are proud, more my father than my mother that I’ve begun my climb up the corporate ladder.

I don’t hate my job, far from it. Simply the long hours and bossy bosses that make me pull at my fingers and tug at my hair. Especially with my youth and admitted naivety, those at my job can be wary about me either in the break room or being hesitant to invite me out for drinks.

I’ve been told by my therapist that I rushed my childhood, skipping grades and taking collage classes while also taking highschool classes at the same time. I want to fight her on it, claim that I did have a childhood and had dreams but I know that I’m defending something I never had.

Two parents who were always fighting; hated eachother but swore to stay together because of their vows, “Hey Bella” I smile at the older lady standing at the counter as I tuck behind into the back room and set my purse onto the table and wrapping my apron around my body, “slow day?” I ask as I switch from heels to converse.

“Yeah, it’s the middle of the school season so all the kidlets are probably studying” she sighs out rubbing her tired eyes, “ok, I’m off. Be safe. Please” she reminds me as she pats my shoulder, “I’ll need you to come in a bit earlier tomorrow for the opening shift, we’re getting a new shipment of books for the month”

“Uhh, yeah yeah I can do that, so 5:30 instead of six?” I clarify, as I clock myself in on the timetable next to the register.

“Yes, thank you Emma. You’re a doll” She smiles and blows me a kiss exiting the building as the cold wind brushes against her; gently pulling at the greying blonde hair that’s always been tucked into a a little bun.

I turn on some music to keep my mind from straying as I walk around the store. Gently brushing my fingers against the creased spines and occasional leather covered book. Those nice collectors editions are always Romeo and Juliet, or Hamlet.

Personally I’ve thought Romeo and Juliet a bit childish and immature, but I’ve always been told I’m looking at it from a modern perspective. I believe that Romeo and Juliet is the way to not fall in love.

But then again, that’s coming from the girl who watched her parents try and fix an already broken marriage by having an abundance of kids and forcing themselves to stay together even though, everyone’s known they’d be better apart. Even their own kids.

I tidy up the reading corner, setting the old book. Princess and the pea back onto the shelf and searching for the one tomorrow.

My my fingers pull and push against the covers of the kids books, looking for something different. I don’t pay attention when the bell jingles and jangles while I hear a heavy step quickly become softer. I hear them physically relax as they walk the isles.

I eventually decide on a book with a unicorn and a blonde girl. Something I fondly remember of my own childhood.

I stretch up a little and let my hair down from its clip, it falls unevenly against my shoulders but I don’t mind or even care that much. This bookstore is my happy place; where I am safe and content within my own body. Here I will never care what I look like.

I view the man searching in the fiction section, something specific I can tell by his body language. If he needs help I’ll allow him to ask; yet I’m wary of going up to a man and guiding him to the book.

When he finally notices me watching him he turns around and asks, “do you know where I can find ‘The road’ it’s uh. Geez by I think by Cormac McCarthy?” He stumbles out; slowly dragging a hand across his face and brushing his shaggy brown hair out of his eyes.

His face is soft but sharp; his eyes evoke a warm bubbly feeling inside me. Eyes that make me feel comfortable being alone with him, “yes, I believe we only have a few left” I tell him, walking off to a different section of the store, “I know, our shop is set up weird” I explain.

“And why’s that?” He inquires, his pace isnt rushed or faster than mine. But relaxed and nonchalant. As if he has all the time in the world.

“The original owners, she has a special section called ‘Meine Leibe’ which I think translates to ‘My loves’ or ‘my life’ once she passed her daughter kept it the same so this little section would always be here for her. I find it endearing” I know I ramble on a bit but I’ve suddenly grown afraid of having a silence against the two of us

“It is, it’s just a little place with all her favorite books?” He keeps asking, as I turn into the cozy little corner. I thumb through the alphabetical order.

“Yeah, her favorite chair, pillows. Shannon was such a kind lady” I reminisce, “here is The Road, is there anything else I can help you with? Or will that be all for today?”

“Uhh, ha unless you have ‘The deal’ by Elle Kennedy then I’ll take that too” I think he’s being sarcastic but I can’t really tell.

“I think we do, are you a hockey fan?” I ask walking to the romance section.

“I guess you could say that, do you watch?” He asks, “do you need a hand?”

“I watch a bit, just the New Jersey Devils with my dad. Yeah it’s just above there” I point, even on my tip toes the store has ceiling high bookshelves. And because it’s night the ladders been locked up. I move to the side as he grabs the book.

“Are you from Jersey?”

“Yeah, I lived there before I came to New York for a work deal”

“I’m going to assume it’s not this job.. right?” As he makes his way to the register and I slink behind the counter

“Yeah, my uh big girl job as my mom likes to address it as” I hear the roll in my eyes as I scan the bar codes and ring him up, “will that be with cash or card?”

“Card” He pulls his wallet out of the front pocket of his jacket, “thank you”, he checks for my name eyes staring just above but also at my chest.

I poke my eyebrows up at him praying to god this man isn’t looking at my tits directly; not even with the slightest bit of discretion.

“I’m uh looking for your name to thank you— I swear I’m not looking at your uh. You know boobs” he almost whispers out the last bit before continuing, “not that they aren’t nice or anything but uh” the tips of his ears turn pink and his cheeks suddenly become flushed, “I will just pay now” he groans out softly; handing me his card and rubbing his eyes with his hands.

I ring him up and he puts his pin in, “thank you again, you never told me your name” he questions for that piece of information

“Emma”

“Thank you Emma, have a good evening” he purses his lips and grabs his books. Hands shaking as he smiles and starts to leave.

“You too, wait” I lean over the bar slightly, “you never told me your name?”

“Mat”

“Alright then, have a good evening Mat. Come back soon”

The door jingles as he leaves and I watch him through the window, I see him sigh and smack his books against his head. Though I don’t exactly hear what he says; noises muffled through the glass and the music.

“Huh. What a strange guy”

#hockey #nhl #mat barzal my beloved #mat barzal #mat barzal x reader #mathew barzal #mat barzal smut #mat barzal x oc #new york #new york islanders #New York hockey #New York islanders hockey #islander hockey #mb13 #mathew barzal imagine #mat barzal fic #louiseabilenewrites

[inafieldofdaisies]

Ship Art | John Seed x Sabrina Donovan | sketch by @felrija ❤️ || a scene from my WIP In Hope Of Tomorrow, snippet below the cut

"I won't lie, I was planning on killing you." "And yet you didn't. Why?" "A change of circumstances."

It felt like at least 2 hours had passed before the door opened again. Sabrina kept her eyes casted downward as a pair of boots came into view, crossing over the threshold, their owner humming a familiar tune. I know this melody. It was the song she sang in the cell. He was there, listening. The realization made her look up, her hazel eyes met John's as he neared, stepping into the light that spilled from the chandelier above. He was wearing jeans, a blue dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up and way too many buttons undone, on top of it was a vest that belonged more in a courtroom than in a bunker in the Middle of nowhere, Montana. "Kept you waiting, didn't I, Deputy?" A dark smirk marred his handsome face, his posture exuding confidence, like he was about to slip into an opening statement any moment. Only in this room he had full reign, assuming the role of judge, jury and executioner. "Probably should consider serving some tea, maybe redecorating your dungeon. Red's a bit on the nose, don't you think? And I wouldn't rate your goon very highly on any scale either." The comment made him chuckle, and she tried to ignore how familiar it sounded, how it pulled on her soul. "Now, I'm not usually late, but someone decided to attempt to derail my Cleansing.", at that he unconsciously went to smooth out his dark hair, making Sabrina realize it's damp. Sabrina narrowed her eyes, the corners of her mouth twitching, "Did someone try to drown you, Seed?" Don't laugh again. And he didn't, sending a smirk her way instead. "Now, Deputy, enough jokes, there are more pressing matters.", his head tilted slightly, his expression almost... giddy. "What's a joke is you thinking holding a Deputy hostage is a good idea, you of all people should know it's far from it. Aren't you supposed to be a hotshot lawyer?", she couldn't stop her sneer. "Deputy-" Sabrina cut him off, "I have a name." "Yes. Sabrina Blythe Donovan.", he said it matter-of-factly, but Sabrina could tell he took pride in that knowledge. It didn't shock her he knew her full name, with Nancy being on Eden's Gate side no doubt information about the whole Sheriff's Department was leaking like a sieve. A dry laugh escaped her, "Next you're going to tell me the name of my first boyfriend." John crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow, "Knowledge is power after all. And, Sabrina, you wouldn't be here if you didn't try to arrest my brother. You all had choice and it led to this." She pushed down the feeling at how familiar her name sounded on his lips, the twinge of longing it caused in her was nothing. It had to be.

"There was an arrest warrant. I was just doing my job. Your brother is a criminal, and now so are you and all of your people." "I'm doing MY job, Deputy. You're a sinner and so are your friends.", he retorted, his words full of conviction as he headed for his torture table. Sabrina froze, expecting him to notice a knife was missing, when he said nothing, she continued, "Why am I here?" The words came out sharper than intended, carrying the tone she used when interrogating suspects back in Portland, the one that got her straight answers and stripped away all the nonsense. John turned, a look of amusement flashing across his face as he leaned against the table, legs crossed at the ankles. "I should be the one asking questions here, Deputy." "Old habits die hard, I was a-" "A detective back in", a dramatic pause, he raised a finger, "Portland. And you left it all behind to work for Whitehorse. Can't wait for you to tell me why." "I'm not telling you shit. I don't know what you think you're doing-" John stalked towards her with swiftness that took her aback as he grabbed the armrests of her chair, the force behind his movement making the wheels skid across the floor. His face had grown serious, piercing blue eyes boring into hers as he loomed over her. "You will talk, confess every sin, no matter how small. I know exactly what I’m doing here."

Their proximity sent a shiver up her spine and she tried to tell herself it was the bad kind. He was so close to a point Sabrina could smell the musky scent of river that clung to his skin. He had indeed taken a dive, her amusement at the confirmation died down quickly. His nearness, the position of his hands as he held onto the chair allowed her to see his tattoos in detail for the first time. In seconds her whole world came crashing down, her blood froze. No. She knew these tattoos, had seen them countless times in her visions, had drawn them over and over to the point they were embedded in her memory. NO. The hand holding hers as the world ended. The man that called her "Butterfly". It was John. John fucking Seed. His voice snapped her out of her thoughts, "Hm. A butterfly." He was looking at her tattoo, at one of the butterflies that wasn't hidden by the strap of her top. As if she needed any more reminders of the tragic realization she had just came to, John said the damned word again as he backed away, "Why a butterfly, Deputy?" He was back to being nonchalant, like the outburst hadn't even happened. All she could do was blink, wishing her eyes were lying to her.

"You still with me, Sabrina?", it had finally hit him she wasn't replying, that she wasn't talking back. Breathe. Focus. Snap out of it. "Wish I wasn't, won't lie.", she tried to hold onto her composure. Silence took over as John went back to his table, picking up a tool, looking it over then placing it down with care and grabbing another one, repeating the process. It felt mechanical, like a show. Her own knife felt heavy in her hands, the tip prickling her skin, a wake-up call. She knew what she had to do in order to get back to Savannah, imagined it in the hours he made her wait on him. Plunging the blade deep, ending a life. But doubt was creeping in... Her plan, the dark path she planned to take, there was a chance she would fail, she had seen him alive too many times. And her most recent vision... from the sounds of that one he was breathing and pissed off. John spoke up again, his attention still on the table in front of him, "My brother's church. Let's start there. You saw something." It wasn't a question, he sounded sure of it. She hadn't been able to hide her distress, even tried to stop the arrest. A new path became visible. A plan with a giant leap of faith. Probably the most dumb and risky decision she has ever made in her life. He wanted answers, and she was going to play along. For now. "I will tell you what I saw, but I doubt you'd believe it, they never do." Another smirk, making her feel nauseous. "Try me, Deputy." "I saw the crash. Before it happened, I mean." "A vision.", he nodded mostly to himself, "Joseph has them." "You believe then?" "They're from God. Of course I believe him." John believed Joseph, not her. She was used to people's scepticism, but she had a way to prove it this time. "There's more, John." Something flashed across his face at her saying his name outloud for the very first time, but the mask was back in place too quickly for her to figure out what. Focus. Her mother was good at selling any con, always knew how to approach a person, what they'd want to hear, which buttons to push.

"Say his name. Look him in the eyes and sell the idea, make him think it's his own, darling. There's always an offer a man won't be able to refuse, one he'd throw himself in the deep end for, willingly. And when he's about to sink, you offer a hand, pledge your loyalty. He'd be a goner before you know it."

A part of Candice lived in Sabrina, and for once she let it take over.

"I will tell you what's coming, but I will need something in return.", her voice sounded unshakeable, certain, the exact opposite of how she felt inside. John didn't break her eye contact, nor interrupted her. Sabrina got up from the chair, discarding the ropes as her hands dropped to her sides. "You've been untied this whole time, Deputy?", his eyes shone with amusement again. She took a few steps until she stood almost in front of him, her hand holding out her knife. Surrendering her weapon. "And you had a knife?" When he made no move to take it, Sabrina placed the blade on his "work" bench and walked back, sitting down in the chair and rubbing her wrists. "I won't lie, I was planning on killing you." "And yet you didn't. Why?" "A change of circumstances."

#look at them ❤️❤️❤️ #i love love love how the background brings everything together and the LIGHTING! #excuse me while I stare at this for far too long :D (no regrets) #thank you Alek for bringing them to life! #oc: sabrina donovan #john seed #john seed x female deputy #ship: the diviner and the baptist #john x sabrina #john seed x sabrina donovan #wip: in hope of tomorrow #fc5 ocs #fc5 deputy #far cry 5 oc #far cry 5 deputy #art #character art #my ships #art appreciation #fc5 #far cry 5 #fc5 fandom #far cry 5 fandom #far cry 5 art

[pointy-spiral]

Hello! I hope you still take requests, if not I'm so sorry to brother you!!!

Anyways! I would love to see more of your yuusona, I think they are so cute 🥰.

And please tell us more about them :D

JKDLSJIIOAUEIOWUIOJKFLDJKFDL THANK YOUU!! :') not a bother at all!! This is such cute and sweet request!! u lil cutiee!!

i haven't really thought out much about her yet, and shes not really based on any specific Disney character, but i have some fun facts about her-

Her shirt is the same style as Epel's, because its a spare pomefiore shirt that Rook gave her during her first week at school. She's really scared of him though. Her first encounter with him was him commenting on her messy uniform, (since i doubt that Crowley would do much more than just grab whatever's in the lost and found basket for Yuu and call it a day) Rook basically drags her to Pomefiore to play dress up while she tries desperately to find some excuse to leave jkhfdfdshhsd

She wishes she could have just kept the job as a janitor instead of being a student at first (but she comes to like school starting the second year) since she enjoys cleaning and tidying and just going for walks, so being an errand runner for Crowley didnt seem too bad to her.

Because of this i wanted to make Floyds nickname for her "Vampire squiddy", since they feed on marine snow and are generally one of the "cleaners" of the deep sea. They live really deep in the sea, matching her gloominess and dislike for crowds and bright light. BUT THEN I REALIZE THAT LILLA CALLED DIBS ON BEING VAMPIRE SQUID so now i don't know anymore... i guess shrimpy still works..

Ever since accidentally stepping on Leonas tail she's been avoiding him like the plague. She thinks he's still mad at her, and nearly cries anytime she sees him dshdhdhdfhj she thinks he's super scary

The skirt she actually sewed by hand herself , using a spare curtain from Ramshackle as fabric.

Back in her "home world" she used to collect and make her own jewelry, the one she wears is one of them. She makes friendship bracelets for her friends of course.

She's good friends with Ortho, and they are desk neighbors. He's tried multiple times to invite her over for game night but she's too scared to hang out with Idia around. But her an Ortho hang out and study together a lot :) he's the designated extrovert friend

She became friends with Jade by being forced to wanting to join the Mountain lovers club. Its actually pretty good, since its a long walk and she can forage for stuff to eat so she can save more money (Crowley pays us in a handfull of pebbles and a pat on the back i swear to god) He's the social anxiety shield and talks for her sometimes.

She still kind of works as a janitor, and she stays after school hours to clean. And uses her job as an excuse to stay away from people, too much to clean!! so many floors to mop!! no i cannot come to ur party Kalim i am so so sorry!! would love too but i have to deep clean the school, by myself, all alone!! tomorrow as well! and the day after!! fdhdfshdshj

Has absolutely bonked Ace in the head with her broom!! he deserves it

Azul tries at some point to get her to be a janitor at Mostro lounge but she runs away from him mid conversation

Secretly very insecure about her height, thinking shes too tall for a lady, plus it just makes her stick out more as well

(actually as im writing this i realize she could be based on Cinderella in a way!!! with the whole evil stepmom (crowley) making you do a bunch of shitty work. im getting ideas.. >:) teehee gonna redraw the ball dance and glass slipper scene with her and someone maybe mwehehehehe)

#my art #twisted wonderland #twst fanart #my art🩷 #yuusona #twst oc

[lemonlover1110]

𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐬𝐭

Satoru Gojo & Suguru Getou

[Chapter 6] Finally Home

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Pairing: Satoru Gojo x f!Reader x Suguru Getou

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

Happy to co-host Gojo NSFW Week 2023! Come join us on Twitter!

“There’s the woman I love.” Suguru barges into the room, mid into your night routine, with the corners of his mouth turned upside. He walks over to you, as you sit in front of your vanity, and leans down to kiss your cheek. You smile at him through the mirror.

A week after your little slipup with Satoru, things have gone back to normal. As normal as things are in your life. Your husband works for extremely long hours while you’re lonely. Isolated from the world most of the time. For the first time in a long time, he’s home at a somewhat decent time.

“Honey… It’s so nice that you’re here.” You speak, a forced smile coming to your lips. You love the man that’s behind you, yet you can’t bring yourself to feel content with his presence. You feel annoyed at the fact that he’s completely disregarded you. He’s started his affair and completely forgotten about his wife, leaving you to fend for your own needs. And while you love him, you haven’t forgiven him for that yet. You’re not sure if you will.

“Just wanted to surprise my sweet wife.” He says. That’s when you notice the not-so-little velvety black box. He places it on your vanity, and while you’re excited to see the jewelry that he got you, you’re still not finished with your nightly routine. So you put the box to the side. Plus, you want to show your husband that you’re not exactly too happy with him. His hands go to your shoulders and he begins to massage your back. “Open it, I want to see your reaction.”

“You’re going to have to wait.” You tell him as you put some of your under eye cream. You’ve formed a routine that you’re not willing to forfeit because your husband finally decided to show up. He ends up chuckling as he begins to get undressed, ready to take a shower, put on some pajamas and finally go to bed. He doesn’t have to say anything, which annoys you even more. He isn’t even trying. Your brows furrow and you clear your throat, “Aren’t you going to wait?”

“Honey, I’m tired.” He says as he takes his shirt off. You end up rolling your eyes, deciding to bite your tongue. You see a bruise on his back, and your blood begins to boil. You open the box to find the most beautiful diamond necklace that your eyes have ever come across. It looks stupid expensive. Yet you shut the box and throw it on the floor. It startles him.

“Couldn’t even make the time to buy me a decent necklace.” You mutter, side-eyeing him. You get up and begin to walk over to the bed. 

“Honey, please. I’m not in the mood to argue.” Suguru sighs. You don’t respond. You stay quiet as you get under the covers. Your lack of response makes him sigh again and that’s when he reveals why he’s here so early, “I need you to go to an event with me tomorrow night. Please collect yourself before then.”

“Take your stupid secretary. She’s more your wife than I am.”

“You can’t be serious…” Suguru pinches the bridge of his nose. He ends up shaking his head, deciding that it’s not worth arguing. You’ll calm down on your own eventually.

The next morning you’re calmer. Just as he expected, you’re level headed. Not exactly as tender as he’d like, but he can’t expect too much in eight hours. He begins to understand your reaction at noon, when he realizes how much your morning routine has changed in the past year.

Instead of having breakfast downstairs in the dining room, you choose to have it in bed. After all, your custom was to eat together, yet since Suguru is usually gone by this time, there’s no point in it. You of course didn’t change this single morning because he finally decided to stay home. The same way you wouldn’t have decided to have breakfast brought to bed because one morning he had to leave early for work.

Moreover, after breakfast you two would usually spend around an hour or so together before he decided to get ready for work. Yet this morning, you decided to work out. Another part of your routine that you refused to change for him. So he had to entertain himself for an hour, which was easy enough to do with work. He’s still busy even if he’s taking the day off.

When you finished your work out, you took a shower. He offered to join you, but you warned him about the water being extremely cold. You take cold showers in the morning now. You told him something about cold showers having great benefits. Which isn’t too bad, but he does find it weird when he recalls every time he entered the bathroom seeing the foggy mirror and the steam clouding up the bathroom. Apparently it’s rare when you take hot showers anymore, occasionally you take a lukewarm bath.

He’s noticed that you’ve taken up a couple of hobbies. At nine you meditate for around half an hour before you tend the little garden that he hadn’t noticed before. And then you proceed to do some floral arrangements. Ones that decorate the house that he lives in, yet something that he hasn’t had the time to notice. 

Finally, you got to the art studio that’s in the house. Something that’s absolutely new but he hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t checked the statements of your accounts, he just makes sure that someone pays them. He had missed the large sum of money that had been spent to make yourself an art studio, after all you’ve taken up oil painting. You do all of this before noon, before you take yet another shower, this one much shorter than your morning one.

After noticing this sudden change in your routine is when Suguru starts to understand your feelings a bit more. The tantrum that you had the previous night was justifiable. Of course he got a necklace that he knew you’d adore, so he knew it wasn’t about the jewelry itself.

So at noon he sits in the living room, waiting for you to come downstairs. You’re bound to eat eventually.

“Do you want to go out to lunch, honey?” Suguru asks when he hears your heels click against the marble floor. He raises his voice so it’s loud enough for you to hear. He knows you heard, yet, you don’t say anything in response until you’re finally downstairs and he repeats the question.

“I have to get my nails done. We’re going out tonight, aren’t we? I can’t show up looking like a mess. I also have to get my hair done.” You answer, and he ends up sighing in response. In the end he can’t expect you to drop everything for him. The same way you can’t expect him to drop everything for you. “I also have to get a dress. What color?”

“Purple would look cute. Get some french tips.” He tells you, and you end up rolling your eyes. It’s nice to see he hasn’t changed his nail design preference. You’re not getting french tips though.

“I’ll see you at five.”

“We have to leave by seven.” He informs you.

“I said I’ll see you at five.”

You end up buying the purple dress he wanted, wearing the diamond necklace he got you, and getting french tips. One way or another, Suguru gets what he wants. You’re on your way to the event, sitting in the back of a black Rolls Royce, next to your husband. Your arms are crossed and brows furrowed as you look out the window. He stares at his phone, not sure how to spark conversation when you’re still very clearly mad at him.

“I see you don’t hate the necklace as much as you claim.” Suguru ends up speaking up, which isn’t the best way to start a conversation with a wife that’s clearly not happy.  Obviously, it doesn’t gain a response from you. “We’ll stay here for around an hour or so. I doubt too many important people will be here. No one we can benefit from.”

“Then what’s the point of going?” You question, and the man purses his lips as he begins to rub his chin. He wonders so. He’s already got Satoru going, so there’s really no point. Until he remembers.

“My parents asked me to. Old friend of theirs is hosting it.” He informs you, and you huff. Although you like this better than staying home because you’re simply sick of staying home every single night. Although, in a few moments you’ll have to put up the sweet wife act which is something you’re not exactly in the mood for. Suguru looks at you, putting his phone away and grabbing your hands. “Please stop this behavior, honey. I can’t take it any longer.”

“Sorry, I’m so busy.” You sarcastically respond. He can’t help but pout. He tries to think of a way to apologize, but he doesn’t come up with anything before the chauffeur parks in front of your destination. 

Suguru exits the car and opens the door for you. He extends his hand for you to take, and you take it. You intertwine arms and walk with each other, putting on the fake smile that you’ve been practicing. You finally enter the building, and you take a deep breath before you follow your husband’s every step.

You know no one, yet you act familiar with all of them. Every single one of them is prestigious in some way– Not as prestigious as the man by your side, but they get near that level. What you love about this sort of event is that every person you end up greeting looks up at you. Your status as Suguru’s wife is unmatched, and everyone wants you on their good side.

You lose count of the amount of people you greet around thirty minutes later. No one really catches your eye until you spot Satoru. Suguru’s best friend who is doing the same thing as Suguru. You two make eye contact and as you feel your cheeks get warm, you look away.

“It’s really nice getting to talk to you again, let’s keep in contact.” Suguru says, smiling at some old couple. Neither of you care about them, but if you show your true feelings, what kind of person would that make you? They end up walking away, and you begin to drag Suguru somewhere else, hoping that you don’t cross paths with Satoru.

But Satoru has spotted you, and he’s walking over to you. And he has the upper hand, catching Suguru’s attention by yelling his name. Suguru stops, turning to see his best friend and he smiles. You feel your heartbeat speed up, and not for any good reasons.

“So nice seeing you here, Suguru.” Satoru smiles, making your husband let go of your arm to greet his best friend with a hug. Your arms are crossed as you watch the exchange, and when they let go it’s when you notice Satoru has a date with him. It’s no one extravagant so it worries you. Satoru always shows up with someone that’s fit enough to be a goddess, so the fact that the woman next to him isn’t, means she’s someone serious. Satoru acknowledges you, and gives you a subtle nod. It’s his usual greeting.

“Satoru, who’s your… friend?” Suguru asks, looking at the woman next to Satoru. Suguru is kind and smiles, and you smile as well.

“I’m happy to introduce you two to my beautiful girlfriend. Utahime.”  Satoru sounds sweet as he introduces the woman next to him, and you two introduce yourselves to her. She isn’t the most talkative, which makes sense. Opposites attract or whatever they say.

“So how are you two doing?” Satoru asks while your lips go to your husband’s ear. You feel Satoru’s eyes burn into your skin as you whisper something into your husband’s ear.

“Oh shit… Sorry, Satoru, I forgot we have something back at home so we have to get–”

“Leaving? Your parents just got here.” Satoru says, causing you to glare at him. 

“Sorry, honey.” Suguru ends up apologizing while he looks the way Satoru points, realizing that his parents are indeed here. You don’t mind your in-law’s, but you don’t want to spend another moment here. Especially with Satoru who has a mischievous smile on his face. 

“Sorry for ruining your plans.” Satoru comments, putting his hand on your shoulder, which you quickly push away.

“I’ll talk to them quickly, I’ll be back, honey.” Suguru kisses your forehead before walking away to his parents. Which leaves you awkward with Satoru and his girlfriend.

“So how’s married life treating you?” Satoru asks, knowing exactly the answer but solely asking it to make himself smile. Cruel. You roll your eyes before commenting,

“Let’s see how dating life treats you.” You mutter. You then look at his girlfriend and say, “No offense. Your boyfriend is just the biggest piece of shit to ever walk this Earth.”

“I’m sorry?” Utahime slowly blinks, before she asks, “Who do you think you are to judge him like that?”

“Excuse me?” You respond. Of course, it’s an understandable reaction from her part, but you still didn’t expect it from her.

“Don’t talk about him like you know him.” She tells you, causing you to frown. But as reality hits you, your frown goes away and a smile overtakes your lips. You know him better than she does. Way better. You chuckle, knowing that a week ago her boyfriend was on a video call, masturbating to you and telling you how he’d come over to fuck you.

“Oh, you’re so right.” You can’t stop laughing. “I don’t know him at all, honey.”

You end up walking away, leaving them to look at you. Satoru smirks, while Utahime looks confused. Absolutely lost.

🏷 @witchofoe @cactustattoo @violetsaffron5 @uhremmi @13vicey @rumi-rants @somemydayy @lilith412426 @33yaeyaeeee @iam-mia9 @m00dycr4nkybitc @cloudsinthecosmos @armincasa @staromi @hopelhss @desireness @abba-simp @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn @corndogwithwings @Konekobby @tojianddabisslut @yeagerfushiguro @mochikage @chanelmalandro @katykat71114 @ur-mums-side @manidobre @itadore-you @yehet-moi-ohorat

#[tempest] #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu gojo #gojo x reader #geto x reader #jjk suguru #geto suguru #getou suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen suguru #jujutsu kaisen geto #getou suguru #geto suguru x you #jjk getou #gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo

[sparklingself]

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔

i think another aspect which isn’t talked much about on loatumblr is how devoting your life to your imagination, choosing yourself over the outer-world ultimately leads to love. feeling content with life is a part of the law. and it’s not just because you are happy with the outer-world. the outer-world is secondary. you’re content because you consciously choose love over fear within yourself. the point isn’t to force yourself to feel those emotions, it’s that you see that feeling bad is your choice and you don’t have to react that way.

assume you are loved, wanted, cherished. assume because you can. you don’t need anyone’s permission. assume you are loved beyond any means, not just by your SP. always assume the greatest because you can. feel yourself being loved, hear it, be consumed by it.

So, I ask everyone here to try it. Don’t just listen to it, but try it. You are the operant power; it doesn’t operate itself. And so when I know what I should do, well, then, I do it! Go to sleep tonight. All right, how am I sleeping? In what state of consciousness am I sleeping? As someone who is unwanted? All right, then I’ll rise tomorrow to find myself unwanted. Ignore the facts of life and assume that you are wanted. Ignore the facts of life and assume that you are affluent, and see how things work in your world. It will all come your way. You are creating out of a power that is infinite, and you don’t need any contacts in the world. You don’t need to know the right people or anything else in the world. All you need to know is Christ, and Christ is your own wonderful human Imagination! What else do you need to know but Christ! - Neville

don’t be afraid to feel everything you have ever wanted. who’s going to stop you? just try it. assume your dream life and see how everything unravels. you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. dare to assume you are what you once dreamed of. you aren’t crazy, you’re free. have confidence in yourself. you’re God. you’re the operant power.

Neville was told he was crazy by many. Yet, this principle can be proven in performance. You choose how scary you want to make a thought. You choose how powerless you want to make your good thoughts. It is entirely dependent upon you, as it should be. Confidence in yourself will give you the willingness to easily accept greater and greater States. Why? Because you will no longer view them as these unachievable States. You will see yourself so highly and so great, that you will almost feel that these States desire to be with you. Almost like these wonderful States cannot help but express themselves in your world. - Edward Art

once you choose love over fear, the 3D will inevitably reflect that. you will see love everywhere you go. all of your thoughts will naturally be lovely, you wouldn’t have to battle with any unlovely intrusive thoughts because you know your worth. everyone will see your worth and you wouldn’t have any desire to depend on anyone else to feel loved because you already know you are loved. your limitless confidence will make you see that your desires are easily achievable.

Instead, when the metaphysical student realizes that happiness, peace, love lies inside of them, they are able to assume these States daily (not dependent on the outside) until these States become habitual. Then this student will have intrusive lovely thoughts. - Edward Art

#loa #loassumption #law of assumption #neville goddard #mental diet #self concept #living in the end #affirm and persist #law of attraction #manifestation #manifesting #law of abundance #law of manifestation #manifest #edward art #spirituality #void state #meditation

[iamthenerdqueen]

The Red String of Faith - The Dance Practice Episode

Idol!AteezXOCs Soulmates!ot8AteezXOCs OCXOC Slight Social Media AU!

MDNI 18+ ONLY

A/N: Hi, wanted to put this at the top because its been so long. Sorry about that, I have been super busy with life and I have a new hyperfixation. That being said, I am not giving up on this book just going to be taking a break to work on some other things for a while. I have this chapter and another one on the way that I will have out ASAP. After that updates will be pretty all over the place. lots of love!

slight twigger warnings:Polyamory, group of 10, two OC's -feel free to replace one OC with yourself if you'd like- , listen this is an idea me and my best friend had and is something for fun read at own risk, not edited as always, also we are starting to explore themes such as bxb and gxg if thats not for you, this story may not be for you.

Chapter X, Chapter XI, Chapter XII, Chapter XIII, Chapter XIV, Next

Being pregnant was not fun thus far for Lia. She honestly wasn’t that far along but it still sucked. The morning sickness and ire toward the rest of the world had yet to fade. The doctor had assured her during their first ‘baby appointment’ as Mingi had dubbed it that after the first trimester, everything would calm down some and things would be easier.

Lia couldn’t wait for 13 weeks to get here faster, instead, she was at her 8-week check-up. They had decided to go ahead with a blood test to see what the gender of the baby was and to go ahead with a paternity test to determine who the father was. Which meant that this was a rather long appointment, she had been here for around an hour and was almost done. Lyra had been out in the waiting room as her companion for this trip as the boys had a long day of practices after the couple of schedules they had during the morning.

There was a lot of pouting from the potential fathers in attempts to skip their schedules for the day, needless to say, it didn’t work. Hajoon had put his foot down and forced the two oldest into the car to take them to work.

“Okay, you should be all good to go. The gender results should be back in the next 2 to 4 days, so the latest you should hear back from us is on Monday. As for the paternity results, since you requested the fastest time for that, we will send you an email with the results this evening or tomorrow morning at the latest." The nurse was walking with Lia toward the station where she could pick up the prescription for her prenatal vitamins and a few other prescriptions to help the baby.

“Okay, drug store then back home? Maybe stop to pick up something to eat,” Lyra asked as Lia walked up to her in the waiting room.

“Drug store, and then I was thinking we could pick up food and surprise the boys during their practice?” Lia hadn’t spent a lot of time at the company, there wasn’t really a need for her to. She didn’t work there and always felt a little awkward when she came up there by herself. She had a badge and all her credentials, but she felt awkward and out of place.

“I think that would work pretty well, I have the day off but those damn kids have been bugging me again. I might pop into their practice for a few minutes while we are there,” Lyra had grown rather close to her children as she had dubbed them despite the age difference not being that huge.

“Yeah, I thought with how clingy Hongjoong and Seonghwa were this morning they might want some extra company since they were set to be there pretty late,” Lia stopped talking for a second as they walked outside and were blinded by the power of the sun. Neither of them had the desire to drive in Korea just yet, so for most things, they settled on walking.

“Should we ask them what they want for a late lunch?” Lyra had pulled up a map of some of the restaurants in the area that they would pass on their way to KQ. There were a couple of food spots they had become familiar with but the boys had their own favorites, Wooyoung especially loved introducing both of the girls to different Korean dishes.

“Do you want to call and see what they want,” Lia was leading the way toward the company. Lyra nodded before pulling out her phone to call Hajoon, not wanting to interrupt the boys. They began to move a bit slower, multitasking like this was something Lyra was bad at.

Lia wanted to act like nothing was going to change but the fact of the matter was that everything was going to be different. This would have changed everything even if idol life didn’t come into play but that was just another added stressor.

“You good with chicken, Yeosang won rock, paper, scissors again,” Lia nodded her head in response to Lyra. She had been her rock through the whole thing, going to every appointment, even getting her different meals when something turned her stomach or even holding her hair when the morning sickness was too much to bear.

“You’re awfully quiet today, pretty. Are you feeling okay?” Wooyoung was being gentle with her, stroking the ends of her hair and making sure she had more than enough food from their lunch. The boys were more than happy when they walked through the doors about fifteen minutes ago. They were all spread out in the practice room, munching and relaxing while they had the chance.

“This is just a lot, and I feel like i’m going to ruin everyone's lives,” Lia was doing her best not to cry, honestly she felt as though she spent more time crying in the last couple weeks than not. The combination of the tears and the food she had just swallowed made her stomach turn and she was out the practice room door in seconds.

The bathroom was just down the hall and soon enough the sound of her retching was filling the women's restroom. She let her forehead on the rim of the toilet, as gross as the whole thing was, and let the tears drip. The hormones passed and she could feel her phone buzzing in her back pocket, no doubt everyone was looking for her. Time to pull it together, at least until she was back in the practice room. Crying in there seemed like a right of passage.

As nasty as she felt about being that up close and personal with the toilet, she refused to admit it to anyone living or dead that she had done that. Lia turned on the faucet before washing her hands and face with cold water, when she was patting her face with a paper towel the bathroom door opened.

“Sorry, Ly. I’ll be out there in a second.”

“Take your time, It’s no problem we just wanted to know where you were. I thought you would probably be rushing this way,” Lyra patted her back softly and gave her a slight hug before letting her know that she’d be in the practice room with everyone else when she was ready.

After gathering her courage, Lia decided that she would head back to the others after making a pit stop at the vending machine. She wanted something cold and carbonated to help settle her stomach. It was rather close to the practice room anyway. She was in her own little world when someone walked up behind her.

“You shouldn’t be here.” The words hung in the air, Lia didn’t immediately recognize the voice and they spoke too fast for her to pick up every word.

“Excuse me,” Lia was less than pleased when she turned to find Yerim standing behind her. She wasn’t blind to the friendship that had been forming between her one female soulmate and the young manager. She wasn’t a huge fan thus far, she had seen a few times now where Yermin had blown Lyra’s phone up. It tended to happen when they were all trying to spend time together.

Yerim looked at her as if she was stupid before speaking once more, “You. Do. Not. Belong. Here. You and all of your problems make everything so much harder for all of us, don’t you get that.”

Lia understood her clear as day now. She really was just an uber bitch, huh? Before Lia even got the chance to open her mouth to respond, she felt a gentle hand on her arm.

“What did you say to her?” Jongho’s grip was gentle on her arm but his voice was harsh in a way that almost caused her to jump. Stepping from her side, he came to shield her from the harsh manager.

“I-” Yerim stuttered for a second before gathering herself, “She does not have a badge on. No ID, she cannot be in this part of the building. That’s all I mean.” Her little lie wasn’t convincing for anyone involved.

Jongho had never really liked the youngest manager and was less than pleased with her behavior towards his girls. She was too clingy to Lyra, Lia hadn’t been the only one to notice the spam texts or when she would randomly interrupt not only Lyra’s English lessons but also her breaks when she would try and visit the boys or they would come to her. He didn’t consider himself a jealous man but when it came to his soulmates, he was always on high alert and hated to admit that he didn’t want anyone else taking any of their attention. They all belonged to him and he to all of them, everyone else could screw right off. There was only room for Ateez, his girls, and Atiny in his life, not this bitch in front of him.

“Well. She’s with me and her badge is in her bag in the practice room. It’s Lia, remember, you’ve been kind enough to pick her up for us. She’s our soulmate remember,” Jongho was calling her stupid in all but words, everyone knew who the girls were. All staff were more than aware at this point and even though Lia was at the company significantly less, that didn’t make her a stranger.

“Yes, bu-”

“Maybe your memory is going, don’t worry i’ll let Hajoon hyung know you’re struggling and maybe he can lighten your workload some,” Jongho had decided the conversation was over, guiding Lia back toward the practice room with steam practically rolling off of him.

“I’m so sorry, pretty. She doesn’t have the right to say anything like that to you.” Jongho was a bit flustered at this point, red in the face from anger. He was doing a silent check over her from head to toe.

“That was one of the most sexy things I think I have ever seen you do. And I have seen you walking around in nothing more than your boxers which is pretty fucking hot,” Lia was back to her old self in an instant, making Jongho a different type of flushed as he ushered her back into the practice room. Their other soulmates were way too loud as always.

“Yunho, I’m telling you. I can’t dance, especially shake my ass,” Lyra was in tears with laughter at the sight of Yunho and Mingi trying to show her how to ‘drop it low and work it’ as they had put it.

“Lia! Come here, pretty, I bet you can shake some ass can’t you or better yet let Wooyoungie teach you.” Wooyoung pulled her over to the chaos of their life. Her phone dinged as they all made it to the group.

“Work email?” San asked very tempted to look over her shoulder, the man was nosy what could he say.

Lia took in a deep breath upon reading the email. It had only been a few hours, she expected the results to take nearly all night. But low and behold, an email with the paternity of the child forming inside her was right there.

“Oh Hongjoong, I-'' Lia was going to cry again, god damn it. She had just stopped crying, pregnancy was overrated

“What? What;s wrong?” Hongjoong was now on high alert thinking the worst, had a saesang gotten her work email, or had someone died.

“We’re going to have a baby Kim in early 2023.”

And that is the story of how Hongjoong passed out in the practice room while not practicing. I’m just joking with you all, he passed out after Wooyoung started running down the hall trying to tell everyone the ‘happy baby news.’

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ot8 ateez x reader #atiny #ateez x reader #ateez fic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #atz #wooyoung #park seonghwa #ateez hongjoong #choi san #choi jongho #song mingi #yunho #kang yeosang

[vickyvicarious]

Something I never noticed last year is how Dracula seems legitimately sad at the beginning of today's entry. Like, look at this:

I was awakened by the Count, who looked at me as grimly as a man can look as he said:— "To-morrow, my friend, we must part. You return to your beautiful England, I to some work which may have such an end that we may never meet. Your letter home has been despatched; to-morrow I shall not be here, but all shall be ready for your journey. In the morning come the Szgany, who have some labours of their own here, and also come some Slovaks. When they have gone, my carriage shall come for you, and shall bear you to the Borgo Pass to meet the diligence from Bukovina to Bistritz. But I am in hopes that I shall see more of you at Castle Dracula."

Dracula is "grim" when he says his farewells to Jonathan - very, judging by the rest of that line. He's enjoyed their time together and is sad that it has come to an end. He knows that they may never meet again... but he holds out hope that might not be the case. It reads to me like he hopes that the vampire ladies will choose to turn Jonathan into a vampire after he leaves and is hinting towards that, despite on the surface just telling mocking lies here. He's prepped them ("all shall be ready for your journey") and he knows they will come for Jonathan ("my carriage shall come for you"). But the vampire ladies have proven before that they don't always listen to what Dracula wants, and since he's put it off this long it's not like he can supervise the whole process himself (assuming it takes more than one bite/blood exchange/whatever). They could very well choose to just kill him rather than turn him.

That kind of substituted meaning for those specific lines may be a stretch, but certainly I think at least the sense of Dracula being put out to have to say goodbye is firmly there. But - luckily for Dracula - Jonathan (who is on the very last scrap of his patience) chooses that moment to push back, to outright ask to leave and say he wants to go right now. And Dracula gets a fun little idea.

"But I would walk with pleasure. I want to get away at once." He smiled, such a soft, smooth, diabolical smile that I knew there was some trick behind his smoothness.

Dracula gets to play one last game with his good friend Jonathan Harker! It may be the last day, but it's not all over yet! He gets to toy with him at least one last time! How delightful! No wonder he is suddenly anything but grim. Instead, he's dripping with charm:

The Count stood up, and said, with a sweet courtesy which made me rub my eyes, it seemed so real:

Dracula is fully pulled out of his funk by this opportunity to torment Jonathan in an extra-blatant way. Not only does he threaten him with the wolves he controls, but he pushes until Jonathan is forced to once again rely on him for safety. This entire bit is such a mockery:

I knew then that to struggle at the moment against the Count was useless. With such allies as these at his command, I could do nothing. But still the door continued slowly to open, and only the Count's body stood in the gap. Suddenly it struck me that this might be the moment and means of my doom; I was to be given to the wolves, and at my own instigation. There was a diabolical wickedness in the idea great enough for the Count,

Yeah. Dracula is the only thing standing between Jonathan and the wolves, literally! But of course he will respect his guest's wishes, so he won't stop opening the door, he'll keep going, he'll make him ask to stay...

By the end of that scene at the door he is fully cheered up, he is delighted, he's kissing his hand to Jonathan and promising (to the vampire ladies, but where Jonathan can hear) that tonight is his still and tomorrow they get their turn. He's ending this lovely visit on a very high note.

It's just. Brutal.

All the more so because Jonathan is so clearly at the very last fraying thread of his restraint, so the contrast between Dracula's initial disappointment shifting to burgeoning sick delight and Jonathan's seething hatred and fear and despair (and one brief moment of possible hope despite himself getting snuffed violently out)... it's super intense. Dracula gets to push him one last time, and Jonathan just barely holds back from outright throwing away the pretense altogether. It starts with his open anger and hatred in his diary at the sight of Dracula imitating him once again, nearly comes out when he insists that he wants to leave. And yet, he feels his own powerlessness as strongly as the rage, and in the end that fear and the understanding that pushing forward will only result in his certain death stops him. But in doing so, he feels complicit yet again, worse than ever before because he can see the way out and he has to refuse to take it, and Dracula gets to enjoy his anguish. Just like every other time before.

And it nearly breaks him this time. After he's forced once again to 'willingly' continue to stay in the castle Jonathan's mask finally breaks. He says he "covered my face with my hands to hide my tears of bitter disappointment." He started to cry. Not the first time by any means, but this time is right in front of Dracula. He held out so long but he just can't anymore.

No wonder they were both silent on the walk back to Jonathan's room. If they said anything at all, Jonathan couldn't possibly keep pretending, and then Dracula would have to kill him right away. He doesn't want that, not when he can enjoy this for a few hours more.

#dracula daily #count dracula #jonathan harker #jonathan hiding his tears by covering his face with his hands BREAKS MY HEART #what do you want to bet that dracula placed a 'comforting' arm around his shoulders while leading him back to his bedroom #ughhghghhg

[zepskies]

Patched Up (I)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Summary: How Dean thanks you for treating his wounds.    

This is part of a 3-part series with Sam, Dean, and Castiel -- first up is Dean! Word Count: 820 Warnings: Fluff, mentions of blood

Part I - Dean

“You don’t have to,” he said, for the third time. You continued to ignore him and instead, set your hands on his shoulders.

“All right, twitchy. Stop moving,” you said in exasperation. You were sitting behind him in the bunker's living room. For a moment, you couldn’t help staring at the broad expanse of his naked back, all tan skin and light freckles and lean muscle.

But then you forced yourself to focus on the suture you were only half-finished with for the three small, but deep cuts under his left shoulder.

“You haven’t done this before, have you?” Dean drawled.  

You inspected the wound with pursed lips. It was all too close to his heart.

Just a couple inches higher and this would’ve been a moot point…

Thinking about that would just make you angrier at the werewolf that slashed him, so you pushed that thought away.

Your hands shook a little with nerves, but you wiped at the bit of blood weeping every time you pulled the thread through his skin.

“It’s not rocket science,” you muttered. Dean was breathing deeply, trying to block out the pain of the sterile needle going through his flesh with a glass of whiskey. He swiped a hand over his tired face.

“Goddamn it. Should’ve just waited for Sam,” he said grumpily.

“Sam’s three states away.” You knew you didn’t have to remind him, but the point was made. Sam was on his own hunt, meaning all Dean had right now was you.

“And you’re not that flexible,” you added with a smirk. His head turned toward you a little, and you caught a glimpse of his lips curving upwards.

“That a challenge, sweetheart?”

You were glad he couldn’t see you blush at the suggestiveness in his deep voice. In that moment, you forced yourself to focus on what you were doing before you gave him a starfish instead of a straight line to close this cut.

But then, the more mischievous part of you suggested that might not be a bad idea. You grinned a little. Maybe next time he does something especially annoying.

Which would probably be tomorrow. Dean loved teasing you, though you hardly knew why.

“What, you taking yoga in your off time?” you teased.

“Not exactly, but close enough I reckon,” Dean replied. You could practically see his insufferable, lascivious smirk, and you were tempted to poke him with the needle…but you thought better of it. You were already causing him enough pain.

Eventually you tied off the suture and admired your handiwork.

“Am I gonna live, doc?” he asked dryly.

“You just might.” But you held fast to his shoulders to stop him from getting up just yet. “Wait, one more thing.”

The muscles in his shoulders and back flexed under your hands, making your face heat up again.  

“What now?” he asked. You sensed his impatience, but it really was important.

Grabbing the hydrogen peroxide, you doused some on a cotton ball and gently swabbed around the stitches.

“You already cleaned it before you started,” he said.

“I just want to make sure!” Your brows furrowed in concentration as you finished. Then you got up and went to sit in front of him, swabbing at the small cut above his brow with the unused side of the cotton. Then the red, angry scratch on his hand, just under his thumb.

You tried to avoid looking at his bare (and firm looking) chest, all while tuning out the heat of his stare as you completed your self-appointed task. You were a detail-oriented person by nature, and you were thorough as you dabbed at each cut and laceration. Dean finally piped down, allowing you to work in peace.

But really, he was watching you. First in bemusement at how unnecessary you were being. Then grateful, because you really didn’t have to do this.

And then fond, because not many people outside of Sam were left to care about him as much as you seemed to.

Dean watched the narrow concentration in your beautiful eyes, the way you were biting the inside of your lip.

When you were satisfied you’d cleaned every wound, no matter how small, you smiled to yourself and set down the peroxide and the cotton. That’s when Dean surprised you, taking your hand.

You stared up at him with wide, doe eyes when he pressed the back of your hand to his lips.

“Thanks, sweetheart.”

Your face was set aflame as you looked into his green eyes. They glinted with affection, and his mouth curved against your skin.

Clearing your throat a little, you managed to reply.

“You’re welcome.”

You slowly took your hand back and grabbed all of your medical supplies. But before you left (and before you lost your nerve), you leaned in and kissed Dean on the cheek.

His soft surprise gave way to a smirk as he watched you scurry away.

Here's Part 2: Sam

Here's Part 3: Castiel

Dean Winchester One-Shots

#dean winchester #dean x you #dean x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x female reader #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #spn #dean/you #dean winchester fic #dean x female reader #zepskies writes

[solosikoasgf]

nothing like loving you ,

prologue pairing: solo sikoa x oc (nariah 'riah' perry) themes: found family, slight enemies to lovers? major forbidden lovers, angst, slowburn, solo splintering off/questioning his place in the bloodline author's note: mini-ish prologue to kickstart - just a look into both of their perspectives/point of views. no current taglist but let me know if you'd like to be on one for when chapter one drops!

riah

match days are always a blur - and having solo at my place the night before made it even more so. it's become almost too easy to forget my responsibilities when he's around, and it's even easier to let myself slip - knowing that i'm not supposed to be involved with him at all. it's the number one rule for anybody at wwe - let alone somebody like me who spends the most time with talent while i film content.

never get involved with talent.

so instead of riding into work together, solo and i are forced to part late in the night, goodbyes that should take a minute taking far too long when he pulls me close, nips my ear to make me laugh, hums low during hugs and breathes me in. kisses me again and again and again, each one varying in intensity until i don't want him to leave anymore, but knowing neither of us really have a choice.

never would i thought that the usually quiet and intimidating solo sikoa would be telling me jokes, calling me late at night, and handling me with such fragility, like he was scared i could fall apart at any moment.

a gentle squeeze on my hip brings my attention back to him, his forehead pressed to mine, trying to pull my body closer to him, as if there were any room between us. "you have to go." i smile, nuzzling my nose against his, my hands resting on his chest.

"not yet."

"solo..." my tone is warning, but i'm not really trying to let him go either. it's just easier when he's here with me - his arms wrapped around me at night, his soft (and sometimes loud) snores after he nods off, how he's always up before i am and has my morning coffee ready for me before i finish brushing my teeth.

the more time we spend together, the more qualities that i see in him that make this harder and harder to break off. considerate, kind, thoughtful, funny.....nothing i would have been able to see before. and though we both know this isn't supposed to last, we aren't supposed to be doing this, every time i turn around he's right next to me. texting me the second he enters my mind, watching me from across a room before i realize he's even there.

i have to ask myself how far i'm willing to go, how much am i willing to risk for something that might not last? for something that could essentially ruin my career?

a vibration against my thigh brings us back into the moment, and i give his firm chest a soft pat and gently push back - with some resistance of his arm pulling me right back.

i laugh, reaching down to push him off. "enough. i know that's probably your brothers. you can only be at the 'gym' for so long. we'll see each other tomorrow, okay? go." solo's eyes don't waver though, somewhere between yearning and understanding, so i take his face between my hands, peppering his face with as many kisses as i can manage until i can hear him chuckle, squeezing me tight for a final time.

"aight, aight, i hear you. i'm about to go." he mumbles, ending my attack with a final firm kiss to my lips, and then a softer one to my forehead, pausing for a moment. i can hear him taking deep breaths, like he's trying to remember this moment. "make sure to set your alarm so you're on time tomorrow, yeah?"

"yes sir."

he finally pulls back, pulling the hood over his head before grasping my hand one last time, pressing a kiss to the back and flashing a smile that i've grown all to fond of. "i'll text you in the mornin'."

"mhmm." i wave him off to the door.

he stops short, faltering for a second. "riah...i-"

my heart stops for half a second. "yeah?"

please don't say it.

"nevermind. sleep well."

"text me when you get back?"

"always."

— solo,

it's so strange how riah sees me. not just looks at me - but sees me. it's damn near uncomfortable that such deep brown eyes look past my exterior and into my soul every damn time - and it gets harder to stay away, and harder to say no when i want to be close to her. and no matter how far i push her away from me so i can focus, she just seems to pull herself even closer, until i can't get rid of her.

what if i hurt her?

what if my role is the reason life gets hard for her? roman doesn't give a shit about repercussions - if she's in the way, she'll be removed. and she don't deserve that. she don't deserve to be anywhere near this family - she deserves to be where she can be loved right, and i don't know if i can give that to her. and that hurts more than having her with me.

even now, while we do run through for the night, i'm more focused on what she's doing across the arena rather than putting my mind in the right place for my own match tonight. though she's tucked in behind the commentator's table, i can still see her talking with the rest of the content team, and i can't keep myself from watching, from scanning around her, more concerned about her safety than anything else.

i don't want her anywhere near this place anymore - wanting to keep her tucked next to me, in her room, doors closed to the world.

all i can think about is the mornings i get to wake up next to her, how she always finds herself pressed against me. soft brown skin that glows in the sunlight - how she wears my shirts to bed. how she wraps her arms around me when i make breakfast, nestles her face into my back. how she surprises me each day with some long winded coffee order that she's obsessed with that week. the bright and mischievous way her eyes glow, how sexy and soft they turn when she only has eyes for me in a packed room.

almost like she can feel that i'm thinking about her, her head rises from the table, and we lock eyes across the arena - as soon as she thinks nobody's looking, she flashes a bright, toothy smile, showing off her bloodline shirt with a wrinkle of her nose. i see a flash of something cross her face, most likely in reaction to my own. worry? but she masks it with a look of reassurance, patting her hand across her heart before pointing to me subtly - my heart is for you.

i try and muster up the most encouraging smile i can manage, light nod while turning my attention back to the stagehands directing me, noticing roman's eyes locked on me, traveling over to riah. i shrug, shake my head, act as if it's nothing. but i can't get rid of the bad taste in my mouth.

#solo sikoa imagine #solo sikoa fanfiction #solo sikoa fic #solo sikoa x oc #wwe fanfiction #the bloodline wwe #roman reigns fanfiction #the bloodline fanfiction #the bloodline x oc #fic : nothing like loving you