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#and i don't see anything or feel bugs crawling on me anymore
clowngremlin · 5 months
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basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......
#the wretched gremlin strikes again#sometimes i'm like i don't think i was THAT unwell#and then i realize that like i was in fact that unwell#now that i'm like actually doing better#i know this probably all sounds kind of silly#because i'm almost 27 and have only just begun to do these things#but keep in mind i was dealing with unmanaged mental illness since i was like 14#and also my dad is kind of a control freak so he never taught me how to do anything because he thought i'd do it wrong or not on par#with what he could do#like i've known how to do laundry since i was 13 BUT i also had no motivation to do anything like that due to my mental illness#sometimes i'm like i'm not doing better because i still sometimes hear faint voices or have paranoid thoughts#but like it's only been under extreme stress or like when i was really tired from not getting enough sleep#and also like i used to be like that all day every day#and i had a lot of problems with like negative symptoms and depression#like my room was a mess and i had piles of dirty laundry and garbage and even like rotting food in my room#and i was constantly being tormented by voices and seeing scary things and my delusions and paranoia and having panic attacks#and like the voices are a lot quieter and more faint now#and i don't see anything or feel bugs crawling on me anymore#and i only hear voices and have paranoid thoughts under extreme stress or tiredness like i said#ANYWAYS I'M RAMBLING SO I'LL STOP#tldr i am doing A LOT better and i am soooo proud of myself <3
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emmyrosee · 4 months
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You went to bed before Kiyoomi.
You never do that. Ever since you’ve moved in with him, your nights end with a massive pile of cuddling limbs and sweet words of sticky nothings that have you cocooned and ready for a peaceful night.
But tonight, he snapped at you. Something about being too “irate” over “something small.”
He missed dinner. And normally, that wouldn’t be a massive issue for you. But he was with asshole of a PR member who’s been trying to get with him for months, calling themselves his “work babe.” Who were you to think nothing funny wasn’t going down?
It's not a lack of trust from Kiyoomi that has you choked up. It's a lack of trust with them.
You know more than anyone when kindness turns to love, it's the same thing that happened between you both, and it kills you to think they could preform the same spell and potentially take your man from you.
You tell yourself that if they can take him, they can have him.
But the idea hurts none the less.
It hurts enough where you're curled up on your side of the bed, far from Kiyoomi's, where his smell lingers and the coldness on your body isn't offset by his warmth like it usually is. You whimper and bury your face in the meat of your pillow when you hear the front door open, and a soft call of your name follows. You didn't even know he left, to be frank, but you don't say anything as he stalks into the bedroom with another call of your name.
"Are you awake?"
"Am now," you murmur.
"Can we please talk about things?" He sounds desperate, like he knows this is killing you, weighing you down like a sac of bricks and keeping you from him.
"You talk," you say, nodding into your pillow. "I have nothing to say."
"Okay. I understand."
A muscular arm reaches over your frame to reach for your hand, and when you don't put up a fight to keep his hand away, he sighs shakily.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, linking his pinkie finger with yours. You screw your eyes shut and sniffle, and you hear him swallow thickly. “I was just so upset to know that you were right to worry-“
“What?”
“Wait- No!” He says quickly, panic in his voice. “No, wait, that’s not what I meant.” He’s never been good with his words. You let him continue, your heart sinking into your stomach all the same. He sighs shakily, “I meant that you were right about me being here. I should’ve been. We haven’t had dinner together in weeks, and I just… I got so caught up in new sponsorships and gigs that I wanted more, and I thought they had more to give.”
“They want you, Kiyoomi,” you mumble. “I see it. It’s the same way I bugged you when we first started dating, just to show how much I liked you. They’re doing that.”
“I know,” he sighs. Then, he pauses, squeezing your pinky, “I went to talk to them. Told them if they couldn't keep it professional and cut the shit, they can search for other clients. Because I don't want them making either of us uncomfortable anymore. And even if they did want me, I don't care.” He crawls over to you and bends slightly to have his head dangling in front of you, curls flipping upside down at the action. “Because I want you.”
You snort at the sight.
“So can we please cuddle, and you grab my teeth or sniff me or whatever feral thing you usually do?” He asks, leaning forward to kiss you on the nose. “Miss your stupid affections.”
“I miss giving them to you,” you say, moving a finger up slowly to try and pick his nose, just to make him squirm, a sign of a truce. He grunts and whips his head back, letting your laughter fill the room, rather than your tears. When you feel him sit back on his side of the bed, you take your time in flipping over, finally meeting his dark eyes again, filled with hope and adoration that has you falling in love with him all over again.
"You are irresistible," you say, reaching for his hand again.
"Don't care. I don't want anyone looking at me if it means you and I never fight again."
You laugh and gently kiss his hand, flicking your gaze up at him, "we'll go look at paper bags for you to wear this weekend."
He removes his hand from yours to gently cup your cheek, thumb stroking over the swells lovingly.
"It's a date."
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italiansteebie · 11 months
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As someone who is disabled, I am obsessed with the idea of Steve Harrington in a wheelchair or using mobility aids. Maybe hurt/comfort with Steve feeling stuck? like out in public people will treat him like a baby and dote on him like he cant do anything at all. Also established steddie?? ->
ignore me if u dont like this prompt hshs
excuse you, this was an amazing prompt and I love it.
and I am a sucker for projecting onto Steve, so lets go.
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Steve was always in pain nowadays.
In fact, it only got worse after the bats, and he figures the exertion after the fact didn't help. Before, he could always push through, hobble along and ice his aching joints when he got home.
Though, he couldn't ignore it after his legs would only stay strong for about ask hour before they collapsed under him. He remembers the first day it happened. He'd been at the grocery store, picking up dinner for his date with Eddie. (It was fairly new, but it was strong). He'd felt a bit weak before leaving, but as always he pushed through, ignoring the dizziness and pain.
It had only gotten worse as he walked through the grocery store, and all of a sudden, he was on the ground, and the grocery store patrons were staring at him, whispering things about the Harrington name and image. The store manager ended up having to call Eddie to come help him.
"Oh, Stevie..." He sighed. He'd been bugging Steve about seeing a doctor for months in fact ever since he was healed himself, he'd been pestering Steve to go to Owens and explain to him what was going on. But he hadn't, and now here they were, Eddie helping Steve into a wheelchair in front of a crowd of Hawkins shoppers.
Steve had been covering his face, and Eddie could almost feel the shame he was experiencing. He wanted to tell their audience off, to go away, to mind their business. But he knew that would only make it worse. So he stayed quiet, and so did Steve.
"Are you okay?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
So they didn't.
And they didn't after Steve saw Owens.
And they didn't after Steve was fitted for a wheelchair.
They just... Didn't.
Until Steve had fallen again.
At Mike's house, with just the kids, who weren't strong enough to help him back into his chair, with no help from his wobbling legs. So they called Eddie, and hid in the basement after Steve had yelled at them to go away, hot tears of embarrassment rolling down his face.
--
They were home now, and again, Steve was quiet. Eddie helped him get situated on the couch, legs still too wobbly to do it unassisted.
"Steve... Lets talk about it,"
Steves head snapped up, eyes shining, "You wanna talk about it? Fine! I'm fucking useless, my legs don't work and I can't fucking do anything by myself anymore! The kids barely look at me, Robs hasn't been able to hang out in weeks, and the rest of Hawkins thinks I'm a fucking charity case! Every time I leave the house it's like I'm a fucking zoo animal. I wish this had never fucking happened! I wish I wasn't-"
"Don't say that, Steve."
"It's true isn't it? Don't you hate having to come help me? God... I just- I'm so..." The sobs crawl their way out of his throat, and he can't stop them once they start.
"Steve..." Eddie rubs a comforting hand up and down Steve's back, pulling him closer to cradle him in his arms. Steve tucked his head into Eddie's neck, letting the tears roll freely down his face. "Steve, you have every right to feel that way but... I hope you know it's not true. The kids... It's just a different dynamic and I'm not supposed to tell you this but Robin has been working on a design of the back of your wheelchair, she wanted it to be a surprise and she was worried she spoil it." He hears Steve sniffle a sort of laugh. "And baby, you cared for me every single day for months while I was healing, what makes you think I hate helping you? I'm so glad I can finally make it up to you."
Steve lifts his head, looking Eddie in the eyes, "Really?"
"Really, Stevie."
He watches Steve smile, for what seemed like the first time since coming home from that doctors appointment. "Also, with all the extra arm work, your biceps look," He pauses to do a chefs kiss, "Fantastico! That's how you guys say it in Italy, right?" He smirks, and Steve bursts into a fit of giggles, tears drying on his cheeks as he shakes his head. "I love you, Eds."
They lean in for a soft kiss, it's slow and sweet, "I love you too, Steve."
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bubba-draws · 4 months
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Ok I'll bite; in the Radi Vessel AU, what would Hollow's relationship with Ghost be? Would they be hostile toward them, welcoming as long as they don't try and stop them, or protective toward them to try and make up for the past? Heck, I could even see in that case Radi!Hollow trying to keep Ghost at their side at all times and learning to gaslight them into staying with them?
OK SO It took me a bit to answer this because to me the relationship between Ghost and Hollow is very unusual, especially bc of personal Headcanons I have about them
To me Ghost and Hollow were somewhat closer the moment both of them hatched in the Abyss, maybe not 100% attached to each other, but they still did care about the other, up until Hollow was picked by PK and they just decided to go with him, not thinking too much about their decision at that moment bc, well, you cannot expect a kid to take good decisions HAKDHAJD
I don't think Ghost felt betrayed? Just very confused as to why their sibling isn't there anymore? and lonely because there was barely any living vessel down there and the ones that lived didn't want anything to do with them (kinda like when u take a puppy from their litter and it misses their presence)
After they escaped the Abyss and went out of Hallownest, Ghost would eventually forget about Hollow (because bugs that leave Hallownest lose their memories), in the other hand though, Hollow does remember Ghost, and as they grew older they would always wonder happened to them (They were definitely dead, right? Just like the rest of their siblings down there, right?) But as the Hollow Knight they forbid themselves to think too much about it and then as the Radiance Vessel there was no point on wondering, even if they left the Abyss to exist, they could no longer go there, for their light was dangerous to the void and vice versa, if they were dead finding their mask was hopeless, if they were alive they would def try and attack them or hide from them
In the game Ghost comes back to Hallownest bc of Hollow no longer being able to hold on the Radiance, their scream (or rather Radi's scream, though I'd like to think part of the call came from them as well, even if they don't really have a voice?? It's weird ahskshdjd bc to me rather than following the call of the Radiance it was the vessels trying to find the sibling that called bc they're in lot of pain) calling the vessels towards them, if we go by this au, it would be because Ghost would accidentally stumble back into Hallownest, no call to answer, just coming to a kingdom that is far too eerie
At this point I am not sure how they reach their meeting, but I know it's not gonna be a pleasant one. It would take time for Hollow to recognize Ghost, but by the time they do they wouldn't just accept them with open arms, mostly bc I think at this point Ghost tried to pull an Ultrakill in the kingdom AJDJAKFBSKJG so it's a bunch of mixed feelings
But when the anger of their reunion dies down I think the guilt Hollow felt back then would crawl back, the thoughts they stopped from forming many times finally appear and the grief they were trying to ignore comes in waves, bc hey, the sibling they missed was alive all along! But they don't seem to remember them at all and is 100% down to throw fists
So, to summarize: First there's hostility, then guilt and sadness, then annoyance at Ghost's attempts to fight Hollow but also protectiveness because despite everything, Hollow wants to give Ghost the life Hollow wish they could've had (plus if somehow they make Ghost not wanting to attack anything Radi related then maybe they can use that as a case so Radi can let Hollow search for any other sibling that may stay still alive)
All of that could happen if Hornet does not intercede Ghost before they go bonkers in Hallownest HAKDHSJD
Hopefully this answered ur question! If u got any more or any ideas you'd like to share I'm open to hear them :3
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wisteriasymphony · 2 months
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thinkin about heroes day bugbite
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Catalyst's arms were bound behind her back by a string she couldn't break, no matter what she tried to use. She had to snap it with her hands, twist it until it tore, even attempted to bite it, but the string seemed to repair itself even before the damage was fully done. It was humiliating to know Gabriel was watching her struggle like a bunny in a bear trap, writhing as it considered gnawing a leg off just for a chance at survival. She wondered why Gabriel had even allowed for her to possibly get caught to begin with.
The massive figure in crimson pulled in the rope slowly, making it seem like Bugbite was dragging in a caught fish or a harpooned whale, a predator delighting in the ease of the catch, grinning through bloodied gums and yellow teeth. The blood in that case was one of Catalyst's few blows to Bugbite that was truly successful. But while kicking an opponent in the teeth would be enough to keel a man over... Bugbite was no mere man.
"You know the deal," Bugbite smiled, still towering over Catalyst even while kneeling down to get closer to her level. "So let's say we cut to the chase, hm?"
Catalyst tried to scoot away from Bugbite's grasp, but to no avail. She knew Hawkmoth could see and hear it all down to her own panicked breath, and yet nothing seemed to be coming for help! Not another akuma for reinforcement, not a swarm to be a distraction, not even Hawkmoth himself.
"You either tell me who you are, and I let you live. Or," they laughed, unholstering a knife from their belt. "I find out who you are anyways!"
Hawkmoth wasn't doing anything. He wasn't even speaking to Catalyst anymore. All these years, and Gabriel would just let her die?!
"You don't know that I'll detransform upon death!" Catalyst spat. "There'd be no reason to kill me, you'd gain nothing from it!"
The knife was raised, glinting in the harsh sunlight, and Bugbite smiled as if to answer that the killing was the reason in itself. Catalyst couldn't see the blade anymore, but she knew it was leveled diagonally above her head. One fell swoop, and she'd be dead in an instant at best. If Hawkmoth didn't care to save her now, would he care to save her if she was bleeding out from the head in a pile of rubble?
"You're right, I don't know!" Bugbite laughed. "...Do you?"
--
Pawltergiest had been busy doing his usual job of trying to evacuate the crowd; He was cataclysming the debris in the peoples' way and leading them into safe avenues and roads, all far enough away to both protect them from harm and from possibly seeing Bugbite 'strike' again. Something had felt off about this day, and he'd just assumed it was because he used to hate being a hero. But now, there was a tenuous balance between him and his partner, and people thought he was useful again. He was the 'good cop' to Bugbite's 'bad cop', in a way.
When he finally caught up to see how Bugbite was dealing with Catalyst..... Nathalie Sancoeur was being carried away, a crude letter "B" carved into the side of her stomach.
"And let that serve as a lesson to your employer," the bug had barked to Nathalie, "That the longer he tries to hide, the more of you will crawl back to him branded!"
Bugbite turned around, finding Pawltergiest entirely still and entirely silent.
"Well, another day's work," she had said, picking up her partner and letting him sit on one of her shoulders as per the usual routine. "How did it go for you, kitty-cat? You hurt at all? -Hell, what am I saying, you probably did great—"
"Claudia, I know her."
"Hm? The uh- Nathalie Sancoeur person? ...I mean, that's good that you recognize her, I suppose."
"No. I know her. She's my dad's secretary."
Bugbite stopped in her tracks. She'd tried hard over the past few days to close off her own emotions to make herself less susceptible; Claudia already had trouble even giving names to her feelings, so she had taken to it quite well.
But she knew what guilt felt like. Regret.
"Ah, look," Bugbite said, scooping Pawltergiest off her shoulder and holding him up. "You know I don't really mean it, kit. They get healed too in the end, y'know. And I, I just get a bit carried away here and there, it wasn't a personal thing."
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stawbabyfloofs · 1 month
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hi!!! I'm a Natsuki fictive from the Spices Collective and I was wondering if I could request CG!yuri???
headcanons, x reader, x my source... anything please?
I had something really small but really really awful just happen and I really need my Yuyu but she's not close to front at all so making this request, no matter how long it'll take for you to make it or even if you decline it, would help me lots
i dunno my age range but it's not younger than 3 and not older than 10, I want bottles with Yuyu and sippy cups if she's not giving me a drink, I like pacis a ton and often play LoL and Halo Infinite with one in
that's all I know go nuts from there
OFC!! Thank you for asking and I hope this helps! Caregiver Yuri x Regressor (Gender Neu)
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Summary: Yuri notices something is up and comforts you with a bottle feeding. It was pretty late, inching near nighttime to be more specific. You were on the floor playing a video game, and you weren't quite sure how long you've been playing, but you were sure of one thing- your paci wasn't in your mouth anymore. Maybe it fell out while focusing pretty hard? You thought, seeing it inches away from you. "Darling, are you still playing that game? Oh, Halo Infinite, right?" Yuri opens the door with a faint smile. Maybe you felt lonely, or you just had a rough day, but whatever it was, you knew you wanted your Yuyu and her attention. It didn't take a genius to figure that out, considering how long you looked in her direction and you forgetting to answer her. "Awww, sweetie," Yuri coos softly, "Are you feeling alright?" Yuri asks, her purple eyes meeting yours. That was all it took for you to open up to her. Yuri's pretty shy and reserved, but she's a really great listener. Between your rants, she was giving many nods and back rubs, assuring you that it was going to be okay and she'd always be there for you, reminding you that's what caregivers are for. After letting some feelings out, you had a new want. "Can I have a bottle? But from Yuyu!" You asked, wanting some comfort. "Mhm, would angel milk be alright, love?" She asked, making sure you were comfortable with it. And with a nod, Yuri asked you to find a cozy spot on the couch for the two of you, which you happily obliged. You ran to the couch and grabbed a blanket, excitedly clutching it while watching Yuri heat up the bottle for you. She turned around and gave a quick smile before taking the bottle out of the microwave and testing a drop to make sure it was the perfect temperature. You always thought Yuyu knew you so well and cared about getting the small things perfect, like mastering the perfect angel milk recipe! After a quick nod, she was headed your way and sat on the couch next to you. Wasting no time, you crawled into her lap. It took shuffling on her part for you both to get comfy, but then you were snuggled against her soft, beige turtleneck as she pulled the blanket over the two of you. "Open up for Yuyu, honey." Yuri cooed, her soft eyes looking down at you as she held the bottle near you. You opened your mouth and you soon had the taste of milk there. A smile spread to your face and it even got to Yuri too. Suckling on the bottle was a calming, rhythmic experience, and it reminded you of why you loved it so much. Bottles with Yuri meant quality time as she held you tightly, so it gave you a feeling that you were safe and there was nothing she'd let hurt you. It meant extra attention as she'd hum some songs, and sometimes recite one of her more appropriate poems to you. It felt nice to know she had her eye on you the whole time too, quickly wiping away any stray droplets of milk. That was rare though, you were a big kid, you thought. It just happens sometimes when you're so relaxed and a little dribbles out. Yuyu didn't seem to mind though, she was always happy to clean you up. "Slow down, Bug, you might get a tummy ache if you keep up," Yuri said calmly, using her mommy voice, "We don't want that, now do we?" Focusing on suckling a little slower, you thought about how you got the nickname Bug. Whenever you're not playing your games, there were times were you'd barge in on Yuri reading, and you'd sit next to her as she read. It became so common that whenever you joined her, she'd read out loud so you could follow her, even if the book was boring. (You just wanted to be near her) Though recently, she got you some more age-appropriate books that you read while sitting next to her. After a while, she called you her little book Bug because you'd always be there while she was reading, no matter what. The thought let out a little giggle that convinced Yuri to play with your hair. After a couple minutes, it was clear your bottle was now empty, yet you still felt a little upset when she pulled it away.
She paused for a minute, seeming to be thinking of something. "How about I go clean off your paci and we'll play your favorite game together, since I know you love to play with one in. How's that my little love?" Yuri spoke, softly. "Yeah! That sounds awesome!"
Eee! I was very excited to write this :D (I only saw this request tonight, so I immediately got to work on it)
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bingobongobonko · 10 months
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4 hour sleep gang but sooo worth it.. lancer rpg. blinks wildly. im. 3-session long bossfight, fucking INSANE. hardest fucking fight we've ever dealt with, surrounded by webs of bombs and mines, and the Fool is a literal stand user and she fucking summoned it to kick our asses. actual hell on earth.
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became this at some fucking point 😭 EVERYONE WAS SO FUCKING TIRED OF HERRRRRRRRR SHE WAS DOING SOME MIND GAMES SHIT WITH INVISIBLE MINES ANDIT WAS GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE DONE!!!!! YOURE OVER! such a good fucking battle though, albeit.. [TREASURE] and kuruushi got really fucked up throughout, im pretty sure more than half of us structured at some point. i fended off a bit better cuz i kept a distance, since my balor's a long distance mf. i love my superheavies. but yeah it was. bad. because even after we kill her stand basically, she's still puttin up mines and shit, and we realize. Oh we have to do a systems check.. we have to see the mines. and WOW its bad. its bad. we're completely and utterly surrounded. one fucking step in any direction, and either the Fool or [TREASURE] is getting blown to BITS. so we're freaking out... eventually though, [TREASURE]'s got rapid jet system or summat like dat, and he fucking bolts the shit out of there, but he's STILL NOT SAFE!!! BECAUSE SHE KEEPS TARGETING HIM.. THOUGH now she realizes the mines aren't gonna work (except on kuru, who at this point has exploded on those mines and structured like 30437498494 times now... it was miserable), so she hops out of the mines and right into us and we're like AHA YOU ARE SO SURROUNDED. AND WE DO. for [TREASURE] unfortunately, she's permainvisible and so a GOOD portion, if not all of his hits, don't land :( shitty fuckin rolls, it happens though tbh. im able to get a shot in at her regardless of missing, cuz cyclone has reliability tag of 5, and tellius basically grabs a spear and forces it into her mech, making her immobile and slowed. and THEN, i ram right into her mech and slam it into a nearby pylon, and force her prone. we're all fucking dogpiling her - but then we realize, thats WHAT she wants, because she grabs her grenade launcher and points it at the ground beneath all of us, knocking back the party a good amount and im pretty sure someone NEARLY structured from that. i dont get pushback thankfully, but im not the one who does the killing blow either. tellius rams himself back into the fight and fucking grabs his drills and forces it right into where he thinks the cockpit is, and lo and behold, there is a gaping hole in the thing. and it just keels over. and in the rubble and the dust thrown about, she's still alive. she's crawling out her mech pit, barely alive, bleeding from her midsection. this is *new.* we. won? i guess. the party, particularly skink and tellius get their words in, i know it gets revealed where the people who fucked telly over are, so thats OUGHG. thats. not good is it....... we will see.. but. the fool looks up at yves and is like. "Well? What are you waiting for? Do it." and yves does not need to be asked twice. he crushes and mangles her body under the heel of his mech, like he's killing a bug. and he.. doesn't feel anything. it's not satisfying. at all. and god it makes me so sad. when all of it is said and done, [TREASURE] picks up the parts of whats left of her, and just. holds them gingerly. it barely looks like anything. its so fucked. ooc i feel so bad abt it.. we really could have saved her. if we wanted to. we could have. but i know yves wouldn't let that happen. he has no reason to. yk. the military comes in, and they just kinda cat_blink.gif at us cuz like. ermmm are you guys okay lol. No. Not really. and the party's tryin to ease the tension, and make jokes and shit, but yves is like. Shut the Fuck Up. Shut the Fuck Up. and getting riled up and upset, because he just. doesn't feel anything. and its not funny anymore. none of this is funny. and elias kinda pipes in from the back like... hey man maybe we should calm down. yk? and i wont lie to you, yves's first instinct was to start screaming and kicking his cockpit, but realizing it's elias saying this, its kinda like. You Know. and they have a whole scene and... oh :(. well. yeah. i. well. yeah. its bittersweet. he's able to calm yves down, and it's just. really sweet.
im like.
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its fucking over man. hes not wrong. but also, like i was telling flore, yves is a ticking time bomb, and the fear far outweighs anything but at this very moment, its fine. its fine. he's not wrong. shit is changing. it has to mean something. even if its doing this forever and ever and ever and ever. and dont get me wrong, he loves elias a lot, but he CAN'T do this forever. not anything personal with elias, elias is. more than he ever thought he could have, just. vague hand moments. all of this. if he could get away from all of this with just elias, he would. he'll do this forever if thats whats gonna happen, but it's not preferred, even having elias there. thats the bitter part. you can love someone, but it doesnt change the horrors. but the love makes it easier. if anything. yeah. nothing changes, the horror is still lingering, but the love is there
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glacierruler · 1 year
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Is Anything Even Real
CWs: suicide attempt, hallucinations, delusions(where it's hard to separate fantasy from reality), attempted murder mention, blood, overdose, Please tell me if I missed anything
Some key info: Remus has bipolar I disorder
All based on things I almost did and/or I'm going through/fearing will happen
This story is told from 2nd POV in Remus's perspective.
Taglist: @hyperfixated-homo @cutebisexualmess @uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous @lily-janus @virgeandhis-pocket-protector(you used the raise your hand emoji on the discord server, so I hope you don't mind me tagging you, but if you do, tell me and I'll remove it) Tell me if you'd like to be added/removed from the taglist!
CWs: suicide attempt, hallucinations, delusions(where it's hard to separate fantasy from reality), attempted murder mention, blood, overdose,Please tell me if I missed anything.
Words: 626
I’m like a bird, you thought to yourself. I keep flying through windows thinking there’s nothing there. Hitting the glass and falling on the pavement. And no one cares. You’re mind keeps going. Maybe I’m like a bug, caught in a spider’s web. It’s a perfect analogy for how you feel right now. Having woken up and legitimately thinking that your brother is a zombie. Didn’t help that he had the scars to go with it, but that’s your fault. If I hadn’t been out of control with my emotions that day. Sure Roman said he forgives me, but I almost killed him! Your parents had started looking at you differently after that. You were supposed to be the protective older sibling, not the person that they had to protect their son from. And Roman was always cautious around now. Sure it was to be expected, but it still hurt. Maybe you should just die. Reality was harder and harder to mix from fantasy every day. Sure the meds helped you. But they tampered your emotions, and you don’t like the feel of that. Roman had been hurt when you weren’t as excited about your birthday present that he’d made you. You remember the light fading from his eyes, when you could barely muster an “it’s great!” He had worked hard on the creation, and it had looked great, plus it was a useful stress toy. You still used it to this day. But because of the meds you weren’t as energetic as you used to be. Although it also helped with the hallucinations. “But not all of them are gone are they?” Where did that voice come from, probably just your consciousness, you thought to yourself. Not ready to deal with what would happen if the hallucinations were worse. You didn’t want to switch medications. What would the next one do? Would it help as much as this one did? “Or at least as much as it used to.” And okay, maybe you were hearing voices, but that didn’t mean much, maybe it was just you saying it. Except you hadn’t felt your mouth open. If the hallucinations are getting worse, and your disconnect from reality is getting worse, then what else is getting worse. Maybe it’s just your mind, sure your hallucinations were just your mind tricking you. But maybe-
Then you saw it. A large, bird, it was semi see through, meaning it wasn’t real. But it looked real. So did that crawling sensation that you felt all over your skin, but you were ignoring it for now. It’s beak wasn’t moving, it was just staring at you. You couldn’t help but feel crazy. You couldn’t help but pick up the shampoo bottle and throw it at the thing. It hadn’t been real. It couldn’t be real. Birds weren’t even partially opaque. But you couldn’t help but hope that the thing felt pain, for all the pain it had caused you. Throughout your life, and through this morning. As you turned to look back in the mirror you saw blood rushing down your eyes. That was it. You told yourself, after feeling around your eyes. You weren’t able to deal with this anymore. You go outside the bathroom. 
“Remus,” you faintly heard your brother say, but you rushed past him. Nearly tripping down the stairs, you start crying. Maybe the tears are made of blood. You rush to your medication bottle, and you down the whole thing. Not wanting to deal with anything anymore. Everything starts going fuzzy within five minutes. You hear screaming, and talking, and maybe this was a rushed decision but it needed to stop! It takes fifteen minutes until everything goes dark.
You wake up in a bright room.
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lilliesforya · 7 months
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October
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I love October. It's 75 degrees today and it just rained this morning, so it's cool out. I don't sweat in school very much anymore. Most people still wear either long sleeves or long pants but it's not cold. I can have the doors open in my house now (there's glass doors in my kitchen and bedroom instead of windows) which I like but I wish they were windows because sometimes bugs get in and I hate it. Plus, I cant keep the windows open at night because they're doors, not windows and it feels unsafe even though I'm pretty sure it would be fine. Plus, bugs crawl in easier than if it was a window. The other week I saw the largest spider I’ve ever seen (maybe only one or two have been bigger) on my wall near my bed and I seriously would have rather done anything else than deal with it. I sprayed it with the heavy duty chemical spray meant for the killer wasps a couple of times and it fell behind my bed. I promptly flushed the corpse down the toilet. 
Oh, when I walked into my house yesterday there was a frog in my genkan (small area where you keep your outside shoes). I was so defeated after the day I saw the frog and was like why. I trapped it with a glass jar and took it outside pretty easily though. I need insects and frogs to please stay outside, I can't handle finding them in my house anymore. 
Highlights of the week: 10/2
I was supposed to do overtime on Monday but it was canceled.
Nichome this weekend!
I got to see my second and third years after a long time of no class.
6-1 had a double period of English (and I almost died) and they weren't as bad as they could have been. I do the sign of the cross before entering that class.
A kid said mama mia out loud in class as a reaction and was confused when I laughed
One of my JTEs told me he shot a gun at a shooting range in America but phrased it like “Lily I shot a gun” and I was like excuse me?
The kids are starting to get more comfortable with me in class and sometimes ask me stuff/ tell   me things after class!!
This happened last week but a 3rd grader kept pointing to grapes and calling them purple it was so cute (they were just learning fruits/ colors/ sports)
At my JHS, I was given omiyage from one teacher and a small treat from another (everyone else got one too) but I was included! This made me very happy.
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disticfiction · 2 years
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Time slowed to a crawl as Travis stared at the sky, silent and stunned. He had to tell the camper to leave. After all, the man was on private land and there was only two more days until the full moon--so he did his job. The next thing he knew, he was on the ground, pants off and laying flat on his back, while the man, nearly twice his size, was on top of him, pinning his legs back with gross curiosity.
"Stop!" Travis yelled, coming to his senses as his assailant calmly spread his hole. "I-I'm ordering you to stop!"
The man chuckled, amused. "Not what I was expecting, but this is somehow better. Nice and pink inside, too. It's been a while for you, hasn't it?"
Travis blushed, looking away. During their tussle, the man had swiped his gun and tossed it into the bushes, and despite his training, he was no match for the towering lumberjack. He tried to fight back, to sit up, to escape, but it was pointless.
He was too strong.
"L-let me go! You'll pay for this!"
"I doubt the fee will be very high," the man smirked. "Now, let's turn that pink hole red."
Travis shook his head, wincing as the camper leaned in and kissed his neck. He wasn't expecting such a sensual act to follow such a violent threat, and for some reason he couldn't help but fall into it. No one had touched him like that in years, and feeling the man's coarse lips caress his skin made him shiver. It wasn't gentle, but it wasn't painful either.
"Please don't..." he begged, but part of him wondered how sincere his plea really was. "Please, not my pussy."
The man ignored him. As he pushed his tip against Travis' beating entrance, he groaned. He wasn't sure when it happened, but he was wet. He could hear his own fluids flick as the massive cock rubbed up and down, teasing his clit and parting his folds. He didn't know who the man was, and he knew it was wrong, but no one had ever been so accepting of his body, so accepting of his hole--and his hole was on fire. Neglected. Needy.
"Fuck, you're so tight," the man huffed, then forced the first inch in without warning.
Travis arched back, screaming as the length viciously tore him open. It was unbearable. Good, but unbearable. He'd never taken anything even half as thick, and the stretch was instant. His his body shook as the length pushed deeper and deeper, reshaping him to its exact size, until it hit his end, earning a pleasant yelp.
"Oh God! Nnngh!"
"Alright," the man grinned, sitting up so he could see Travis' bug-eyed expression. "Lemme tell you what I'm gonna do."
"No!" he cried, feeling helpless and used. "Please, don't describe it!"
"Oh, I will. See, you feel so good, I'm gonna return the favour. I'm gonna use all my weight to pound this pussy into the dirt. So hard it'll leave an impression."
"No, please..." But he was drooling at the thought.
"Oh, yes. I'm gonna ram your tiny fuckhole until it's broken."
He looked away, his head spinning with the image. "No..."
"Yes. I'm gonna rape you, old man. Rape your sweet little hole until you can't feel it anymore." He didn't say anything, but Travis bit his lip, conflicted. That sounded wonderful. "Can you feel me filling you up? I can feel you. Your walls are squeezing me."
"Y-yes..." he whispered, clutching his shirt. "Yes, I feel it."
"Where?"
Travis paused, but soon answered, afraid to anger the man further. He hated being intimidated, but that mountain of a man could turn pleasure into pain at the drop of a hat. Trembling beneath his mighty frame, the muddled cop gave him what he wanted.
"In ... in my hole."
"Excellent. And does it feel good?" Travis scoffed, but the man harmlessly slapped his cheek, disdained by his insolence. "Answer me, sheriff." He pulled out just a smidgen, then slipped back in, fast and fearless, causing Travis to gasp. "Ah, that's it. Did that feel good? Tell me the truth. You like this, don't you?"
"I..."
"Go on." He repeated the thrust, only four more times before stopping, and Travis whined. "What's wrong? Is your hole tired already? I haven't even gotten started."
"P-please," he choked, gripping the leaves and dirt. "I was just trying to help you. You can't camp here. It's not sa--aaugh!"
"I'll help myself," the man laughed, bucking his hips. "Now, does that feel good?"
Tears formed in Travis' eyes as he wondered why someone who attacked him would care about his comfort at all. Despite throwing him to the ground, it was clear he wasn't out to hurt him. Not physically, anyway. He merely smiled and pumped in and out, slapping his stomach against the shy sheriff's clit, driving him crazy.
"Oh God!"
"That's right. I'm your God now, and I'm taking you to paradise."
"H-harder!"
Travis covered his mouth, his eyes bulging, but it was too late. The stranger heard his command, and he was all too happy to oblige. Sliding his hands under the smaller man's back, he held him closer, tighter, and fucked his hole so hard his ass bounced off the ground.
"Aaaugh! Ah, no! I-I didn't mean it!"
"Oh, yes you did," the man hissed, playfully. "No need to lie. If you need a fuck, you need a fuck. I knew you did. I could sense it by how uptight you were acting. Trying to scare me into leaving, when you're nothing but a big sofite."
"No..." he whimpered between breaths. "There's ... a reason ... for it!"
"No reason a pussy like this should be so barren. Fuck, I can feel you convulsing in there. You gonna cum?"
"Oh, God! Please!"
He upped his pace, and Travis wailed, drool sticking to the roof of his mouth. "Fuck, yeah. That's it, baby. Sing for me. Tell me what you like."
"I..."
"Go on. Tell me."
Travis succumbed, his climax rushing to freedom. "I want this!" he echoed. "Oh God! Ruin me!"
"Where?!" the man cheered, cruelly slowing his thrusts.
"B-between my legs!" He sounded panicked. "Please, don't stop!"
"Nah, don't half ass it. Gimme the whole truth. Where do you want it?"
Travis grit his teeth, so close to the edge, yet so uncomfortably far. "M-my cunt! My fuckhole! Please!"
"What do you want me to do to it?"
"F-fuck it?"
"Worse."
"Rail it! Hammer it!"
"What else?" he stopped entirely, making Travis gag.
"I-I don't know! Rape it?! Fuck it?! Tear it apart? Just don't stop until it's a fucking mess! Please! Please! I can't take it!"
"What colour should it be?"
"Red! Red, okay?!"
"Awfully demanding all of a sudden." He purred. "I like that."
"Please. Oh God, please let me cum!"
"I knew it. I knew you needed some dick."
"Yes, you're right! I did! So please! Please!"
"One last thing." Travis sobbed, the stillness making him crack. "Is this your first time being raped?"
He gulped, then shook his head. "N-no."
"Fuck, that's hot. Love a nice, used hole. How old were you?"
"F-forty," he wept. "I was forty. My birthday, actually."
"Damn, that's rough. Was it one guy or a bunch?"
"...F-four."
The man licked his lips, enjoying the recollection. "Did they all fuck you?"
Travis sobbed. "Yes. They took turns."
"Fuck, your hole must've been battered. Tell me they weren't gentle."
"Th-they weren't." Reciting it made his impatience boil. He wasn't proud of it, but his walls fluttered around the monster stuffed inside him. "Please. Please move."
"Am I bigger than them?" the man asked, amused.
"Y-yes. God, yes. Okay?"
"Damn, that's so hot. I may not have popped your cherry, but I sure split you in half."
Travis whimpered, at a loss. "Yes, you did! I've never been stretched like this! Now please! Please! Fuck me!"
"Just one final question." With a grin, he buried his face in the sheriff's shoulder, smelling his delicious cologne. "Did it feel good?"
Travis hesitated, but he couldn't hold back. His walls were throbbing, desperate for abuse. A million scenarios were running through his head, like the possibility of his family hearing him--or even worse, seeing him--but he was overwhelmed, overworked. He deserved a treat. He was a good boy. Always so good, but never rewarded. Always alone. Always last. Always forgotten. With a grunt, he wrapped his arms around the man and unleashed six years of pain and misery.
"Yes!" he cried. "Yes, it felt great! They fucked my hole for hours and I just gave up! I needed it, just like I need this! I'm always doing everything for everybody else! I never get any time to myself! I couldn't even find a wife because my family came first! My brother's family! He had a wife and he still has his kids! I have nothing! No one! Just a shitty job in a shitty, empty precinct! I don't even have time to masturbate! I--!"
The man rocked his hips, cutting him off. It was so sudden, so passionate, Travis nearly collapsed. He came, and immediately came after, his second orgasm more intense and emanating from his cervix, which rippled against the man's swollen cock. It was glorious. The poor sheriff dug his nails into the camper's back, ravished by every thrust, growing more and more sensitive with each passing moment, but he didn't care. He had no idea he could suffer multiple orgasms, at least not seconds apart, and it ruined him.
"Fuck..." the man sighed, riding the aftershocks, still buried deep. "Talk to me, baby. Don't faint on me, now."
Travis' mouth dropped, his chest heaving. "M-my hole..."
"I know, it's done for. I don't think it'll ever recover."
"Wh-what did you do to me?" he puffed, drowning in shame and pleasure.
"I wrecked you. You'll never have sex the same way again. Not after this."
"But I--uughck!"
The man shoved two fingers in Travis' mouth, sliding them along his tongue, then continued to thrust through his lingering spasms. It was too soon. The poor sheriff had grown weak and overly sensitive. He moaned loudly, tears rolling down his cheeks as his mouth and hole were driven into, and by something that was far too large.
"Cum again, baby. Squeeze me."
Travis winced, the taste of the man and the feel of his girth chafing his tender insides, making him tremble. Though he wasn't proud of it, he couldn't tell if running into the violent camper was unfortunate or a stroke of unimaginable luck. It was the epitome hypocrisy. He didn't want to cum, but he did. He didn't want a stranger fucking him, but he couldn't get enough of it. He didn't want the man to touch him, yet he melted in his grasp. It was the kindest, most pleasant interaction he'd had with another human being in ages--and by God, it wasn't even consensual.
"Please!" he begged as the man smiled and removed his fingers. "H-harder!"
He didn't care anymore. Without thinking, he reached up and wrapped his arms around the man's shoulders. In turn, the man kissed his neck and ground his hips, digging into Travis' hole like a drill. And again Travis came, screeching as he forgot all his worries. The weight that ploughed him, the way it crushed and dominated, made him weep.
And still the man didn't stop.
"One more, baby. I'm almost there."
Travis held on, bunching the man's shirt as his stomach slapped his clit. It was incredible. Waves of ecstasy rushed to his toes, curling every limb as his cervix nearly bruised from the beating. Despite being stretched beyond his limit, his hole clenched tightly, swooning with every pump. Nothing could stop it.
Before long, he was screaming, his voice cutting through the trees as the man's heat filled him. They came together, Travis' nerves twisting and body tensing as the impressive cock twitched inside him, drawing it out. He could feel the mess overflowing, seeping out around the edges until it spurt onto the grass. He was full. He was spoiled.
With a sigh, the man pulled out, and Travis groaned, weakly, feeling every inch brush his sensitive walls. He felt good everywhere, but especially in that special, hidden little place he never wanted anyone to defile again. But the pleasure traveled deep, scratching an itch that longed for relief. Finally, he was satisfied.
Once empty, streams of white gushed across the ground, wetting the man's shirt and sticking to the material. Though only half conscious, Travis worried he'd be furious, but he simply smiled, wickedly. Once he caught his breath, he spread the sheriff's gape even wider and stared intently, gulping as it convulsed.
He looked so hungry.
"Fuck..." he whispered, keeping a firm grip. "I can see all the way in. I fucked you good, huh?"
Travis wheezed, exhausted. "Is ... is it bad?"
"Fuck yeah, it's bad. Angry red. Really fucked up." He grinned. "That's what you wanted, right?"
Travis couldn't speak. He didn't want to. He loved how he felt, and that was humiliating. Basking in the glow, but too ashamed to admit it, he turned away, letting his eyes bat closed. He needed rest. It was long overdue.
"Yes..." he relented. "That's what I wanted."
In the silence, he felt the stranger drop his legs, but soon bend them back against his chest. Confused, his eyes shot open, but before he knew what was what, the man was inside him again, violently bashing his ruined hole with a renewed fever. Travis cried out, ragged and overstimulated, but the man didn't stop. If anything, he fucked him harder.
"We're not down yet, baby."
"Wait! Please! I-I can't take anymore!"
"Sure you can. Come on, don't be afraid of your own body. You're practically begging for it!"
In a frenzy, Travis let loose, screaming in abandonment and wallowing in euphoria's endless embrace. The next time he came, he squirted, his fluids hot and explosive; but the man didn't notice. He continued to work his cock in and out, wrecking the bleating sheriff until his legs turned numb and useless. After the fifth orgasm, they both lost count. Much to Travis' dismay--or perhaps desire--the man was extremely virile. While neither was sure how many times Travis reached his zenith, the camper came three times, only stopping when Travis' cries turned to winded yelps.
Spent and satisfied, the man finally pulled out, and the poor Travis' gape looked irreparable. It flexed so hard the sound tickled the man's ears, making his stomach coil with pride. The crease was glowing a bright, unhealthy red, the hole was darker and stretched to a worrying degree, the walls were rubbed raw and wrinkled, and the clit was so bloated it looked like it'd been stung a dozen times. It was horrifying.
But when the man looked at Travis' face, he wore a crazed, pampered smile. He clung to the man's hand, as if starved for affection, twisting their fingers together in a fragile knot. He couldn't see anything; all the colours had melded into a blurry kaleidoscope, but he could feel the man fixing to stand up. Before he could, he weakly mouthed the words "thank you".
Hours later, Travis woke, though not where he expected. He recognized the ceiling, the smell, the haunting disappointment. His parent's house. If not for his sorry state, he would've jumped off the couch, but when he tried he fell right back into the cushions.
His pussy, it felt incredible, but violated. He groaned, taking a moment to adjust his vision, before looking over to the dining room. Much to his chagrin, his mother was seated at the table, smoking a cigarette with a look of disdain. It was a while before she said something, but every second that passed by was agony. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him. She just stared out the window, blowing smoke into the air and tapping her foot.
"Some hikers found you," she said, seething. "They cleaned you up and took you to the station, where they proceeded to file a report." Her voice was low, but unnerving. "Your brother picked you up, brought you back here. I don't have a full picture of what happened, but Lord knows I don't want one." She took another puff, then shook her head. "You're a fucking disgrace, you know that?"
"Ma--"
"I don't wanna hear it! A report, Travis! Do you know what that means?! If news of this travels to another precinct, they might send more people out here! Is that what you want?! Huh?!"
Travis flinched. "N-no. Of course not. I-I tried to stop it."
"You're a God damn cop! You obviously didn't try hard enough!" At a loss, she rubbed her forehead and sighed. "Fuck, Travis. You ain't no good boy."
Those were the words, the ones that hurt the most. The ones he tried so vigorously to avoid. As his mother stood, she spit air, then headed to her room, leaving her son alone and heavily reprimanded. He couldn't bear it. She didn't even look at him. She didn't comfort him. She didn't care.
As Travis drifted off one last time, a slave to the pleasure still swirling inside him, he thought of the camper. Of the stubborn man who raped and reshaped him. He hoped he was safe. He hoped he left the site like he ordered, or at least tried to order. He wasn't entirely convinced, but no matter.
He would search for him in the morning. Just in case.
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c0le-star · 1 month
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TW: mentions of hatred and neglect, monster, gore, cannibalism, horror, blood, and descriptive. Don't read if you don't like that sort of thing.
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"Mother, I crave mangos."
I pleaded as my mother ran away in fear.
I didn't know how old I was, but I was small, possibly a newborn then. I wasn't a newborn human, though. I was a newborn monster.
My skin was freakishly yellow, my eyes just black dots on my ghastly face along with a smile that looked like it had been drawn by a child.
I wanted mangos. I didn't know why. Hell, I've never even tried one. But I wanted it. I craved the taste of a mango.
My mother was gone, but I wanted her. I wanted her to give me a mango. But I was a monster, not a mother's loveable baby.
I was a freak, and I always will be. My mother has left me to rot.
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It's been days, weeks, months. I want a mango. I NEED MANGOS.
I got out of my crib, it being rotten with bugs and mould. I got onto the floor and crawled. I was looking for something to eat, someone to eat.
I managed to leave the house, and I crawled and crawled. People ran, animals sprinted. It was like two magnets, and I was the side that repelled all other magnets.
Then, I found something. It was a baby, in a stroller, all alone. Fresh food...
I tipped it over and the baby fell out, crying and screaming from pain. But I didn't care, I didn't care about anything except for hunger.
I bit into the baby's skull and munched. It was dead, but it was so delicious. Feeling the blood run down my throat, the crunch of bones, the squelch of tasty flesh. I needed more.
I didn't want mangos anymore. They had left my memory as soon as I saw that divine tasting baby.
I ate the baby whole, the clothes just being extra delicacy. Then, I ran, I ran for meat.
I need meat.
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A/N: bro, why am I so twisted when it comes to horror 😭 can u see the similarities with the first story? Make sure u put it in the comments 😊
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timeoverload · 2 months
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This week has not been good at all. I was ok this morning but now I'm feeling enraged. I haven't been this angry in a long time.
Today was just as chaotic as I was anticipating. The morning team lead pissed me off because he was trying to tell me I can't work so much overtime. That's not his job to tell me that and my hours are none of his business. That's between me, my boss, and the director. I don't know who he expects to do my job when no one else is trained. He still hasn't learned and he's always telling me he will and that he wants other people to learn. He hasn't done anything about it and nothing is changing. He is too busy getting angry about every little thing and throwing tantrums. Obviously I don't want to work that much overtime but I don't have a choice. I have overtime almost every week but no one cares. They just expect that from me. The director also said he would help me out but he is too busy doing other things. I am so fucking tired of people walking all over me.
I was missing a 25g cannula out of a pan earlier. I didn't notice it yesterday even though I have been trying so hard to triple check everything. I was afraid to tell the coordinator because I thought she was going to be mad at me. I think she was a little irritated but it wasn't a huge deal. I looked in the closet to see if I had peel packed any recently and there were 3 from 2 days ago so it's possible that I had accidentally taken it out at some point . I'm not sure because apparently no one is keeping an inventory of everything in the closet. I am so annoyed about it. I was so busy today so I hope I didn't fuck anything else up.
One of the eye patients had bed bugs and they were cleared to have surgery anyway. I was so upset because they don't pay me enough to deal with that shit. I guess I have a phobia of certain bugs ever since I had to live in infested places. I was so paranoid when I had to clean the instruments they used. I had to gown up completely and put on my rain boots I used to wear for decontam. I had to wear 2 hats and I felt ridiculous. I had to clean my ultrasonic and wipe stuff down and then I had to set everything up again. I don't like doing that when I'm super busy. I had to go change my scrubs after that. It felt like my skin was crawling the rest of the day. I took a shower immediately when I got home.
I'm also irritated because there are so many sick people at work and they are forced to go in or risk being fired. There are 2 people in my department with the flu. One of them had to stay at work and try to hide the fact that they are sick so they don't get sent home and get fired. They looked like they felt terrible. I wore my mask all day and I washed my hands as much as I could. I hate our sick policy. There are so many stupid policies. I really don't want to get sick right now. I don't have any sick days either. I also don't have much vacation time since I had to leave work a couple weeks ago.
I guess I'm glad I got to leave on time. I was able to get out of staying for the add-on because I had overtime already. The patient wasn't even in town so the case wasn't going to start until like 7.
I did get some beer after work because I think I earned it. I didn't get that much because I'm not trying to drink all the time. I don't like doing that anymore.
My body also hurts a lot and I didn't take any medicine today. I'm sure that's part of the reason I'm crabby. I didn't eat any lunch either because every Thursday is nasty sandwich day. I'm going to have to make food eventually.
I'm also frustrated because I don't know what you're doing?!?!?!?! If you're too scared to surprise me in person, then why don't you just send me a message on tumblr??? We could meet somewhere instead??? I don't know what to do. I already messaged you once but you lied to me so I blocked you because I was pissed off but I decided to unblock you anyway. I already know you have sent me anonymous messages so I don't understand what the difference is??? I don't need you to get me flowers or anything fancy, I just want to see you! You could show up to my house in your pajamas and it wouldn't bother me. In my mind we are already married but you are being stubborn as hell right now. You keep saying you will do things but you haven't yet. I love you with all my heart but you are torturing me at the moment. I don't understand why this has to be so hard.
Honestly I probably won't even have another beer tonight and I will probably make something to eat and go to bed. I'm really not in the mood to spend 4 or 5 hours on tumblr tonight so there will be no more queued posts until I feel better. I'm sorry, I lose so much sleep because I'm on this damn website. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.
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fwuffblanket · 1 year
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Just venting, again
I'm living on a stubborn thread of delusional dreams for a future I'll never get to have. I try to live my life without these threads but I always end up falling and clinging onto them once again. I listened to the counselor's instructions to having a "healthy" mind and mentality during our many lectures. I tried making a good support system like the counselor said. But I fear that if I lean on them for help, they won't want to be around me anymore. I can never get my thoughts to be said out loud without extreme consequences. It just never ends well. Inanimate objects like stuffed animals and toys, keep me from doing something I know I'll regret. Though when people see how much I rely on them, they think it's funny or unreasonable. I see how they would think that, I know it isn't "normal" but nobody is normal right? Objects never make my happiness last long. Just like all my other attempts at being happy, they were fruitless and I should just give up on them. But its like permanent dye staining your hair, you can't get rid of it easily. And I just don't have the time to do that, nor the motivation.
+ Upcoming Tw SH +
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Being bored is like a punishment, its dreadful. Without entertainment, I lose myself in the depressing caverns that are the back of my mind. Spiraling with no motivation to crawl out of that destructive mind set. I make playlist after playlist, I buy plushies and toys. But its never enough to fill that void. No matter how much I feed it, it's never satisfied. Only when I follow through with the craving to just scratch, and scratch until there is just a giant rash, it will be content. But never for long enough. Its just exhausting..
-Once again, another quote -
" Don't you want to rip off your finger nails? Let the maggots feast while you rot in jail. Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us? I want to scratch myself with infected rust" - Hey Bunny by Baby Bugs
+End Tw+
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I am often guilty of holding extreme grudges. Even if its been 6 years I will still have it on my mind. No matter how many times one apologizes I still struggle to forgive and forget. It weighs on my shoulders until it finally caves in and smashes me like the worthless bug I am.
I follow my gut feeling and I know when I'm right. But eventually the fear of confrontation and the backlash of calling them out. Outweighs the benefits of getting them out of my life. I know that there is only one person who knows about this acc, that knows me irl. But just knowing that if I mess up, at any point he can out the secrets I so dearly need hidden. I know its wrong to think someone I care about, and trust a ton would even think of doing that. Because the reasonable part of me knows they wouldn't, but overthinking usually gets the best of me. I can't say much about the person who doesn't have access to this acc. Other than the empty apologies she gives me when she hurts my feelings. The ignoring my opinions, yelling at me to just "Shut up!" and let her speak whenever I try to rant about anything I care about. I can't with this anymore, she doesn't even let me talk!
-Quote time-
" I don't want to be forced to listen, under coercion" - Mommy Fwiend by Penelope Scott
"Fake apologies are rain on a cloudless day. And I don't think I've ever seen a sky so clear." I'm not crying your crying by PinkShift
--Srry for making this so long, once I got going I couldn't stop--
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ellaintrigue · 2 years
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Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
I drove past a farm on the way home from Salisbury the other week and saw a lone donk standing in a field. He was sleeping, dick hanging to his knees, and looking generally ornery. Useless creature. I had an old donkey as a kid and he was stubborn and perpetually horny. Not a fun pet.
Not viewing animals in perversion but I've always noticed that the penises and vaginas of every creature pretty much have the one universal design, even on bugs (Japanese beetles, UGH). And to manage the male sex drive and curb population we often castrate our dogs, cats, and livestock.
I once met a lady who raised hogs on an industrial farm by herself. She was a gay woman who didn't have anyone working for her. She fixed her own trucks, tractors, wheelbarrows, you name it. She bought broken wheelbarrows from me and my ex's salvage business.
She showed up one day while my mother was visiting and they had a conversation about farm critters. The Hog Lady, as we called her, said that she castrated her pigs but, as males go, "they were still proud." Mom nodded and smiled, saying it was the same for her geldings. Still arrogant and frisky.
For years a neighboring bloodhound wandered from farm to farm, little sunken eyes, huge wrinkly neck, and big fat balls drooping. I would drive by him all the time. That dog covered miles to meet the ladies until he eventually passed away.
In the end we are all animals, clothed and educated we may be. If a human mother feels her child is threatened she will do anything to protect it. It's instinct. And like any horny donkey or wandering dog, men possess the same hormones. Men wanted me the most when I was 14-20. They were all 30 plus. If you do a quick Google it says that men instinctively seek out younger women because of the fertility factor. One day dad and I were talking while he locked his tractor down on his little flatbed. As he tightened the cinches, he said to me, "you have to replace your partner every 4 years so you don't get bored."
I absentmindedly listened at the time but he spoke a form of truth. Forget him, and forget the men I've dated. Instead compile allllllll the men I've encountered throughout my life in general. I've never met a one that did not lie. And the few that don't cheat? Religious fanatics. Not that religion ever stopped anyone from doing anything they wanted to do, but some do legit fear a good smiting.
Drop to your knees and repent any impure thoughts and thou may be saved! Perhaps.
The most common theme I see (and I am talking dozens of times) is man gets married. Man has kids. Man gets bored, man goes and fucks a younger woman, or multiple women. Man either crawls back crying or leaves his wife. In nearly all cases, he said the wife just wasn't giving him what he needed anymore. Standard male boredom.
And, not to slut shame anyone, but with lots of sex comes disease. I'll never forget the one businessman who confided in me he picked up HPV while cheating and his wife ended up with cervical cancer.
Even just minor things like BV: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326662 can tear a woman up while the man keeps mindlessly fucking his way through town. At my age I start to wonder if sex is even worth it with such high risks out there, even putting factors like violence aside.
You literally don't know where a man has been. I've seen men just flat out disappear somewhere for up to days, often letting their loved ones know they are okay, but nothing more. Men will wander for miles and miles on a whim.
Do I hate men for this? No, not at all. There's no malicious intent usually, just a high drive of hormones and lack of empathy, an also proven fact in males. Men are instinctively selfish.
What I do hate is A: lack of disclosure preventing a woman from being informed and able to protect herself. And B: the so many men who get controlling and accusing of their partner because they themselves are the one cheating on her. You got away with it so what else do you need?
Trust nobody, and the next time you pass a scruffy donkey in a field, regard him as no different from your husband. Same parts, same thoughts.
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flareish · 3 years
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Anxiety
kuroo x reader
summary: you hide your anxiety from basically everyone including your boyfriend, until he finds out for himself
genre: hurt/comfort
warnings: Emetophobia Warning! description of nausea/vomit, anxiety, bit of angst but ends in fluff
word count: 2.0k
a/n: I tried to make this as close to my anxiety since I hadn’t known anyone with my kind of anxiety(symptom wise) until I was seventeen, which was a good ways into when I realized I had anxiety. So here is some nausea anxiety representation!
masterlist
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You tap your fingers in a mindless rhythm. Alternating the fingers and repeating them back and forth, trying to make it a game, a challenge. You did this over and over again to distract yourself from that all too familiar sinking feeling. That feeling like your stomach has managed to twist and knot itself a million times. Each bump of the bus made acid crawl up your throat. You crunched a mint in your mouth hoping the peppermint would soothe some of the nausea. It didn’t, but the thought was there. You just will yourself not to throw up on the bus, anything but that. The thought in itself makes you even more nervous, and in turn even sicker.
You don’t even know why you are anxious. Today is Kuroo’s big game, but it isn’t yours. You’ve been to a hundred of his games before but never before did you feel like this. Normally you get cute little butterflies, not an angry swarm of bees. The worst part is, there is Kuroo sat next to you happy as can be, completely oblivious. He keeps trying to drag you into conversations but you fear if you open your mouth for too long, all that will come up is vomit. So you keep your mouth firmly closed only smiling tightly or shaking your head at his prompts.
It's not exactly his fault though. He doesn’t actually know you have anxiety. It’s not something you really like to talk about. You are all for promoting the acceptance of mental health but you just find every time you tell someone the dynamic changes. Either they flat out don’t believe you since you “don’t seem like the type with anxiety”. Well duh, I don’t have social anxiety, I have situational anxiety. Like here in this situation. That or they suddenly treat me like I am incapable of handling myself. That whenever a slightly stressful event comes up, I am going to melt into a puddle of pure anxiety. Sorry but I’ve made it this far, I may have to throw up a few times on the way but I am still making it. 
So you just haven’t told Kuroo. You're just nervous that it will change the dynamic. You also don’t want to steal his spotlight. Today is supposed to be all about him. It's his big game. To suddenly speak up and tell him that his game is giving you anxiety would be selfish. So like you always have, you put a brave face on and face it head-on.
“Hey, are you okay?” Kuroo asks you, now facing you, “You look a little pale.”
“Hmm?,” You also turn to look at him, “Oh I am just a bit tired that’s all. I will be fine in an hour or so.” You hope at least. He nods relieved it's not something worse. 
You finally pull into the stadium and everyone is pushing their way off the bus. Luckily Kuroo is right by you to make sure you don't get accidentally pushed down the bus stairs and trampled. The team makes it’s to the bulletin board where they are given their matchups. Nekoma is paired with a pretty hard team. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you dry heave. You knew at the point you were going to throw up and within the next few minutes. 
“Hey I think I left something in the bus I’ll be right back.” You say to Kuroo before dashing off. He goes to reply but you are already gone. 
You make it around the back of the building before you throw up. At this point you’re kinda out of it, your mind is occupied on emptying your already empty stomach. Then you feel someone pull your hair back and gently rub your back. You don’t even have to look up to know it’s Kuroo. When you finish he hands you his water bottle.  You waterfall it and rinse your mouth out of that acidic taste. 
“What’s going on are you okay?” Kuroo asks full of concern. You hesitate for a moment, thinking of telling the truth. Then you remember this is supposed to be his day. 
“Sorry I must have caught a stomach bug.” He doesn’t completely buy it so you quickly add to it.
“I didn't feel great on the bus but I just thought it was because I was tired.” You feel bad lying, “I also don’t want to distract you before your game.” At that Kuroo quickly pulls you into a hug, “Your not a distraction, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Your cheek is pressed against his chest and your hands grip the front of his shirt. 
“We should probably head back.” You mumble.
“Yeah.” He leans down to kiss you but you duck away. He looks incredibly offended and hurt at this.
“Dude I just threw up I don’t know if you want to do that.” 
“…Point.”
The two of you head back inside to the team, you feeling much better after throwing up. Before you know it, the competition has begun and Nekoma has won. You run down and celebrate with the team and it’s a happy day.
On the bus ride home Kuroo has a strange energy about him. Not like he’s mad more just like he’s just realized something. You nudge him and smile hoping to break him out of his little funk. He immediately smiles back and goes back to celebrating with the team. His reaction was almost like putting a mask on. You watch him for a moment before slipping into a conversation of your own.
When you make it back to school you go your separate ways. Him going to shower, and you to get home before it gets too late. A big hug before pushing away. You still refusing to kiss him after throwing up earlier in the day. 
You are laying on your bed, exhausted. Anxiety really takes a toll on your energy. Your thoughts are broken when your phone chimes with a text.  Leaning over to grab your phone off your bedside table you see it is from Kuroo. 
“Can you come over? I want to talk.”
No cute pet names. No slowly easing into it. Actually using proper grammar. Nothing in that message was a good sign. Just “I want to talk” was enough to make the acid begin to crawl again. You knew it had to be about today. Especially after you saw him zoning out on the bus. It had to be your anxiety episode. You knew he wouldn’t be happy you lied but going to this extent. Like he just found out you have anxiety and this is what he hits you with? The world’s most nerve-wracking text message. The only worse place than this would be “we need to talk”. That’s when you have really screwed up. So maybe you’ve only minorly screwed up since he said want not need. Does that mean you have the choice to say no? That was kind of tempting but you knew you would be tossing and turning all night thinking about what might be wrong. 
“Okay.” You reply to the text. Short and sweet. Putting on some shoes and grabbing a hoodie, you quietly slip out of your house. Kuroo’s house wasn’t too far but it was far enough. Enough to continue to stir in your intrusive and unstoppable thoughts. You eventually make it to his house and head in going straight for his room. Before you reach the door you hesitate and gather yourself. Preparing for whatever was about to come. 
When you go in you find Kuroo sat on the floor of his bedroom, back pressed against the bed. He jerkily looks up and you and gives you a tight smile. None of this is giving good signs. Something is very heavy on his mind. You sit down across from him, your back against the wall your feet almost touching. 
“So what was it you wanting to talk about.” You break the silence. He doesn’t respond for a moment. Just as you are about to try again he speaks up.
“Do you still love me?” Your face drops into confusion.
“Why wouldn’t I love you anymore?” You ask, suddenly realizing this wasn’t the conversation you were prepping yourself for. 
“You’ve been distant lately. You don’t tell me things like when you don’t feel good. I thought about it when I got home and I was wondering if you weren’t actually sick but just making the excuse because you got caught.” He’s very serious at the moment and his words hold a cold edge. 
“What do you mean get caught?” You match his tone. You weren’t planning on fighting but something about how he said it just set something off in you.
“You didn’t want to be there. Ever since this morning you were quiet and reserved. Even after the game, you wouldn’t even kiss me-”
“Yeah, cause I threw up! And how could I be faking it when I literally threw up.” You snap.
“You’ve been like this before though! Like last year’s big tournament you would barely talk to me.”
“That’s not true!” Although it kind of was just not the reason he thought.
“Oh yeah? What about at training camp you wouldn’t talk to me then either, you didn’t even eat with us you just sat on your own.” He threw back.
“Yeah, cause I have anxiety!” The words left your mouth before you knew it. Kuroo looked taken back.
“What?” His brow furrows, “Since when?” He’s not sure what to believe. You’re not surprised since you have worked very hard to hide it from everyone, accidentally sabotaging your own relationship without even knowing it. 
“Since forever. I just never told anyone.” You quietly say, ducking your head down.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” You didn’t even need to look up to see the hurt on his face, it was apparent in his voice. You start playing with your finger, tapping them in rhythms.
“I wanted to,” You mumble, “But whenever I do stuff changes and I didn’t want anything to change.” He shifts forward and you think he’s going to leave. Instead, he grabs your hands, stopping the pattern you had going. You look up.
“Did you think I would judge you?” He was staring straight into you, willing the truth to come out.
“Whenever I tell people they either don’t believe me and brush it off or treat me like I’m incapable of handling any amount of stress. I’ve never seen anyone react any differently so I was scared you would fall into one of those reactions and I didn’t know how I could handle that. I didn’t want my anxiety to be the thing to tear us apart. But I guess it still was.” By the end of your speech, your gaze has returned back to the floor, unable to hold eye contact for that long with him staring at you so strongly. You hear him sigh then you are pulled forward and into his arms. 
“I want to be your pillar of support. I want to be that third reaction that is one of acceptance, one that doesn’t drive you crazy.” He strokes your hair soothingly, his words making you tear up, “When you are ready I want you to tell me everything. From when you first noticed it, to where it is now, to how you deal with it, everything.” By now you are fully crying, absolutely collapsed into his chest. “I love you so much.” It gets muffled in his shirt but he hears it.
“I know, and I love you.”
It would take some time for Kuroo to get used to this change but slowly but surely he will be different from the rest and he will support you no matter what. Although he also respects your strength and knows you can handle your anxiety on your own, he is always there when you need it. He becomes the third unexpected and unheard-of reaction; acceptance.
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hanazou · 3 years
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matching onesies with him.
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Books : Dazai | Chuuya | Oda
Shelf : Mixed
Genre : Fluff, domestic
Note : I did this of my own accord because I am, in fact, a softie
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Dazai Osamu
This clingy crackhead.
Dazai will be the first to come up with the idea. It's actually a random one and he asked it so spontaneously, he doesn't expect you to actually say yes.
"Sure, why not?" You agreed.
He's both surprised and elated, and he didn't hide this reaction at all.
"Oh, darling!" He wrapped a hug around your neck. "You always revive my heart with your love!"
You both will be enthusiastic about picking the onesies and agree to surf the net instead of looking from shop to shop since Dazai is under the supervision of a certain angry Kunikida
It almost feels like babysitting. Not that you hate it right? Should you get an identical pair with different sizes? Or complementary ones?
Dazai will call the customer service to ask if they have black crow onesies since crows represent death in some cultures. The response is obviously no and it's obvious that the customer service was confused.
"That's a shame," Dazai whined disappointedly, shoulders dropping. "Wouldn't it be both cute and poetic if we had a double suicide while wearing matching crow onesie? Two achievements in one!"
At that point you wouldn't even be surprised anymore. You will just take the phone away from him to apologise and thank the customer service. You have to convince Dazai that you won't find a onesie of that kind
"Wait, don't tell me," You stared at him. "The reason you want to get onesies is just to wear a matching crow pair?"
"Is it?" He grinned mischievously. "Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong, but I just want to match with you."
Other ADA members will wonder what you and Dazai were doing, Kunikida the most. He isn't exactly curious, more like suspicious. What's that good-for-nothing Dazai up to now?
Eventually you find a pair of identical ones. Kind of rare designs too! Guess what?
Crabs! In red! The little eyes on the hood!
It will take less than a week for the onesies to arrive in a small box. When it does Dazai will pull out a cutter so energetically Atsushi will think he's going to pull a suicide attempt with it
"AAH! Dazai-san! No!"
Nothing will happen aside from Dazai stabbing the box (while making sure he doesn't cut the onesies inside. he's good with blades, ex Port Mafia and all)
The crab pincers for your hands are soft like mittens and so smooth???? Imagine sweaterpaws but with crab pincer mittens (!!)
It will take everything in you to stop Dazai from wearing it that instant since a client Fukuzawa talked about will be coming. You will need Atsushi's help to take it off him but let's not talk about it
Both of Dazai's legs are already in the onesie too..
It seems like Kyouka wants one. Yosano and Naomi will tell Atsushi to buy the girl one and match with her
When Dazai and you go home together, he will be so excited to wear the onesies immediately. Dazai will be light on his feet.
And when you finally put yours on? Pictures. Dazai will take lots of pictures of you. You're a piece of art and he wants pictures so he can recall the image anytime
"Oh, dearest~ How is it possible for you to be so cute?" He began his dramatic poses, a hand over his head while spinning like a ballet dancer.
You both will take a lot of couple pictures.
"Love, you are so adorable I want to eat you!"
"Is it me who's cute or the crab?" You teased back.
When Dazai makes a troubled expression to answer your question, you will have to pinch him 💢
If you can cook crab soup, wouldn't it be funny to make and eat one with Dazai while wearing crab onesies? He will be so clingy when you do it, like an old school married couple; when you cook, he'll be bugging you while hugging from behind. It feels cozy, don't blame him
You have to be keen with your eyes so you won't miss Dazai secretly pouring ajinomoto to the soup. Get him a healthier diet, I'm begging you.
"Look, the crab is red like us." He pointed at the soup. "And like your face when I do this." He took advantage of you turning your head to peck your cheek.
He will also pinch your nose with his pincer mitten. "Boop!" It's a challenge. Boop his nose back.
You think he's already as clingy as he can be, huh? Wrong. You are absolutely wrong. If he previously sticks around you like a magnet, this time he's glued to you.
Even in the shared living space, he won't let you go. Is it the softness of the onesie under his touch, the warmth, or your cuteness? Well, it's all of them. What then?
Snuggles.
You both cuddle together in the futon until falling asleep together. You feel twice as warm.
He's the big spoon, let him feel the smoothness of the onesie while feeling your heat. And for once, the double suicide joke stopped for the rest of day. That's how much this impacts him, and you're proud of him.
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Nakahara Chuuya
Matching with Chuuhuahua in a onesie? You lucky fella.
You have to be the one initiating it with Chuuya. Baby boy will be like "Eeh?" at first. He's not against it at all but more like, confused. The request is out of the blue
"Come on, why not?" You tilt your head. "It will feel so soft to cuddle with?"
That's it, that's the spell for him to agree
Mans is a Port Mafia executive, you can't go out from shop to shop in a mall to get your onesie with his schedule, so you have to settle with online shopping with this guy too
Only when he has time to spare from beating up people
You will sit together on a couch at the headquarters once Chuuya and you don't have missions. It's a good chance to relax and unwind together too
Chuuya knows best where to find clothes, including onesies. There are so many options! Dinosaurs, frogs, bears, Sanrio characters, Doraemon, Pikachu, Line characters, pandas, unicorns, penguins!! (I should stop fantasizing Chuuya in each of them)
Chuuya will act cool and chill about it at first, but he actually got invested in choosing and thankfully he isn't a crackhead unlike a certain someone
He has a good fashion sense I don't accept criticism, and this side of him will jump out while both of you scroll the catalogue. He nails both street wear and mafia outfits daily, so you can bet he'd pick the best onesies for you both
"This one doesn't suit you," He moved to the next option. "These are the only colours available? Pass.", "What's with the unnecessarily long tail?", "Oh maybe this? Wait, I don't like the stripes."
Of course, he will listen to your opinion too but since you feel he's better at this, you just either nod or shake your head with him
You have to be careful with your words when picking the size (this is much more valid if you're taller) or he'll go "I'm not that short!"
Kouyou and Mori (+ Elise) will catch you both on the couch together while browsing, comfy and all, and Kouyou asked what you two were doing. Chuuya's face will be as red as wine.
When you want to explain, his gloved hand will cover your mouth and he frantically shakes his head, screaming "Don't!" silently.
But alas, while you want to tell him there's nothing to be embarrassed of, Kouyou will take the phone from your hand with a curious grin and a "What's this~?"
Chuuya will just accept fate at that point, growling to himself and all
Kouyou and Mori won't expect to see a catalogue of onesies, apparently. The "Huh," on their faces are hilarious, and Mori will be instantly inspired to get a full set for his Elise-chan, much to her distaste.
While Mori and Elise are going at it, Kouyou will actually share her opinions. Chuuya will crawl out from his burrow of embarrassment and listen to her with you.
"Rather than identical ones, these would be much better. They have variety." Kouyou said. And you both will agree. You both have been eyeing a specific pair anyway
You both will decide to get complementary ones! Chuuya's will be a brown teddy and yours a white bunny! (Try googling Line's Brown and Cony, they're cute you won't regret it) Kouyou will totally agree with the decision.
When the package arrives, both of you will open it together. Chuuya's eyes for clothes are never wrong, the quality is immaculate. So warm and smooth, not a seam out of place.
Imagine the blush on Chuuya's face when you put on the white bunny onesie. The bunny ears on the hood! The fluffiness! His flustered face!
He will be slightly hesitant to put his own on, but when he does, you swear you can die from the cuteness. Want to see more cuteness? Tease him about it, and maybe he'll tickle you down until you're too breathless to tease him.
Chuuya doesn't want to say it explicitly but it does feel really comfortable, it's suitable for winters too.
As usual, Chuuya will be the big spoon. You will melt into his warmth and the smoothness of his onesie, and you can tell he's enjoying it too, from the way he'll drag his hand all over you to feel the smooth fabric
"It's a good thing we listened to ane-san's suggestion, hm?" You asked. "I didn't exactly like the matching penguin pairs."
"Yeah, this isn't bad at all." Chuuya admitted, snuggling his chin into the crook of your neck. "You're so warm."
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Oda Sakunosuke
First off I'm Odasaku's lover before I'm anything else.
When the weather gets cold, it's your idea to get onesies for the kids. They could use some cute onesies to sleep in.
Unlike Dazai and Chuuya, Odasaku will have time to spare to go shopping with you. Being the handyman of Port Mafia has its good sides, after all.
The atmosphere is identical to a date! You both meet up at evening after work, have a simple dinner first, then start the shopping. Shopping for the kids' onesies with him makes you feel like a parent doesn't it?
Odasaku and you will make sure not to pick flimsy, thin, or rough ones. Only the best for the kids. Both of you put your keen eyes to use, examining every considered piece
Odasaku and you will definitely discuss whether to get five identical or different ones. After considering that the kids have different personalities, choosing different pieces will sound more ideal. You both will grant them the liberty of picking themselves.
"We just have to make sure they don't fight over it." Odasaku said.
Lion, dinosaur, piglet, panda, and penguin. That's what you both will choose!
Odasaku is a man who doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeves, so you relied on his eyes when it comes to him. You will see love and sincerity. He picks each piece with careful consideration.
The store clerk will throw an unexpected (yet clichéd shoujo) question at you both. "You picked such good choices. We have sets for adults too, why not match with your children?"
Odasaku and you will widen your eyes. First of all, parents? And match? Both of you stare at each other in confusion. Should you get two get a pair for yourselves?
"Why not?" Odasaku eventually said.
Odasaku's will be a brown dog and yours a white cat (remember that one official art of Odasaku with puppy ears? <3)
Odasaku and you will immediately visit the kids and give them their onesies. Their excitement in picking one for their own made you smile, and you can see the joy in Odasaku's eyes when the kids thanked him and you. He doesn't smile, but you don't need him to just to know he's glad his children love your pick. The way he pats their heads already speaks volumes of love.
Thankfully no kid wrestled to get what they want. You were especially concerned Kousuke will compete with someone
Odasaku will bring a secondhand polaroid he once bought at Yokohama's flea market to take pictures of the kids. You will herd the children to gather for the picture while Odasaku looked for the right angle in the other side of the room.
"Why don't you stay there for the picture too?" Odasaku asked you, half of his face behind the camera.
You kneel behind the kids and put your hands on Sakura and Yuu's shoulders, the ones who stood on the far left and right. That much is enough to warm Odasaku's heart, but when you too, smile for the camera, he freezes for a while to take the sight with his eyes
The picture comes out nicely. You will end up convincing Odasaku to take more but with him in it, together, all seven of you. You would need the curry diner owner's help to take the picture
"Sakunosuke, smile, will you?" You held his shoulder while you both kneeled behind the kids for the picture. He would be a little stunned
He smiles, but it was faint. Nevertheless, you recognise the content in his eyes in the photo, and it's enough.
When it's just the two of you in the living quarters, you will have to remind Odasaku that he too, bought a onesie. He will gladly put it on him since you look so eager, he's curious how it feels too
Your heart stops when he put on the hood with the puppy ears. You will have to fight back the urge to attack him with cuddles right there and then when his confused and innocent face matches the onesie so much!
"You're adorable," You smiled half teasingly, taking in the look of confused Odasaku who looked down at his onesie. The weight of the material felt right, it's like a cozy blanket.
"Try to put yours on," He says. When you did, his heart also missed a beat. The kitten ears on your head! The pure snowy white on you!
Odasaku is a bear hugger and when he hugs you, his embrace will feel tighter than usual. It's no surprise, he likes you and cats, and the way you interacted with the kids that day played tricks on his heart. You hug him back and ruffle his head while he mumbles his thank-you's at you
That night's sleep will be filled with nothing but cuddles of love and adoration. Yes, Odasaku is the big spoon, but you will also hold his arms tighter around you as you both drift into the night, chatting about life.
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