#and now I’m here trying not to panic cry because the therapist wants me to delete MFP and I won’t be able to weigh my fucking spinach

[skinks]

parents stop commenting on literally every meal I make for myself and especially the portion sizes when you are 100% aware I’m receiving treatment for an ED challenge

#yesterday it was ‘do you want to finish mine?’ after I said no TWICE I said NO #and today it’s ‘you’re not eating all of that are you?’ FHHDHDHD NO ITS TWO MEALS ITS BATCH COOKIGN FOR LUNCH TOMORROW I’m eating HALF #my whole life I grew up being asked to finish other people’s food because oh they couldn’t possibly #and then getting called greedy for doing it #and now I’m here trying not to panic cry because the therapist wants me to delete MFP and I won’t be able to weigh my fucking spinach #and they barely eat any vegetables at all but I’M the one eating too much ok ok ok ok #good god in heaven I need to move out #tw ed mention

[jelliezellie]

hey hey !

I hope you're having a good day here !

I saw that you requested some request about levi and thankfully, I am also back in my aot phase 👀

would that be possible to have something, (platonic or romantic, i dont rlly care) maybe a cadet who's having a panick attack, maybe not on the battle field but more before or after something big happened tho? and our precious levi taking care of them ?

no presure, feel free to decline if you want 😌

(your others works are fire damn 💃🕺)

A/N: Thank you so much! I'm returning to my roots for this one; a need for comfort is right up my alley. I gotchu >:) if you couldn't tell... I'm back in my aot phase, too. I have Levi fever at the moment. I also wrote this while I was fighting off my sleep meds, sorry. - please keep in mind that everyone who has panic attacks has them differently, so mine could be vastly different from yours. I am just writing from experience! With that being said, please stay safe and, um, don’t touch glass when you have a panic attack as Y/n does.

TW: Panic attack, blood and very slight depictions of gore (Marco), Levi bandaging you up, and mentions of death.

You slammed the door to your room in the barracks, stumbling to your bed. You coughed, trying to breathe, and clutched the fabric chest when you were unable to. “I,” you gasped, wanting to cry out for help, but being unable to. Who could you talk to about this? The other scouts were trying their best to forget it already. Half of his face was gone. He was your best friend and half of him was gone.

Tears streamed down your eyes as you coughed and grabbed a glass of water. You had to calm down. You drank some, but it dripped down your shirt and you flinched, dropping the glass on the floor. “No, no,” you whisper-screamed as your trembling hands tried to shovel the broken glass up. 

A knock came on your door.

You shakily inhaled enough breath to call out, “Go away.” 

“It’s Captain Levi.”

You cursed to yourself as you stared at your bloody hands. The shards from the glass must’ve cut you when you were trying to clean them up. When you didn’t respond and let out a sob, the door opened. 

“What’s going on in here?” He asked, his eyes going from the tears streaming down your face to the broken glass to the blood on your hands. “Shit, cadet, what happened?” He muttered, his tone filled with worry.

You sniffled, unable to catch your breath. You turned away, not wanting to look weak in front of him. You heard his footsteps recede and thought that would be the end; you thought he would have just left you alone. You thought he would because it was Levi; he wasn’t a therapist or anything. He was just a guy. But you felt something tug at your wrist and you flinched hard. 

You turned to see him, sitting on your bed with a first-aid kit. You, again, tried to put on a brave front, but you felt your heart palpitate and you gasped as you thought all of the air in your lungs was escaping. “Can’t,” you cried out in a panic, “can’t breathe.”

Levi seemed to recognize this fairly quickly. His eyes widened slightly and he showed you his hand, then placed it on your arm—a reminder that you could still feel. That you were still alive and real. “I’m here,” he stated. “Breathe with me, okay?”

The blood dripped down your arm and you shivered as you felt it. “But the—”

“We will deal with that in a moment,” he replied, his voice soft, yet stern. “Breathe. In,” he inhaled, “and out.” He exhaled. He waited for your shaky breath to slow down before he repeated it softly. “In,” he whispered. In. “and out.” Out. Levi nodded when your breathing was under better control. “Good,” he murmured, “just like that.” Your tears still fell, but something about the way Levi’s chest was also rising and falling at the same time as yours was calming. You kept your eyes on him.

“I’m going the clean up your hands and bandage them now, okay?” He asked for confirmation before touching you. You nodded slowly, holding your shaky arms out. He looked at you with furrowed, worried brows before examining the state of your injuries. “Whenever you’re ready to talk—if you want to talk—you can.”

Levi took a wet cloth and cleaned all of the blood off.

“Half of his body was gone,” you mumbled. Levi looked up at you with a familiar sadness in his gaze.

“I know. Marco, wasn’t it?”

You nodded.

“I know cadet,” he said, his voice softening as you let out a sob. He shushed your cries, nodding. “I know. I know.”

Levi then used tweezers to pick out the tiny shards with care. He poured gauze over your wounds. When you didn’t even flinch, he looked at you again. “Cadet?” He called out to you, making sure your mind was still there, “Are you feeling any better?” He wrapped your hands and arms up.

You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He stayed at your side as he put everything back in the first-aid kit. “It has been a long day, cadet. Let’s go down to the mess hall and get something to eat. You need to maintain your strength.” You nodded silently. Something about your silence irked him. “I’ll show you where I keep my tea, too. We can make some.” You nearly smiled at his attempt to cheer you up. 

“Thank you, Captain.”

#levi x reader #levi angst #levi aot #levi attack on titan #levi ackerman drabble #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfic #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman comfort #levi comfort #aot comfort #aot x reader #aot fanfic #aot fanfiction #comfort fic

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day Twenty-Nine - Prompt: Beg @rosekiller-microfic

March Daily Series - 711 words

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

Barty watched Pandora walk up the pavement and into the rear garden entrance of her parents’ house. When he and Lily discussed this “clear the air” campaign, he’d been as sceptical as Pandora that it would work.

She was right about everything.

When he explained how it all fell apart, Lily sighed and said, “I suspected as much. I saw how they all looked at you in Wales. It wasn’t just because you were fighty. They’re posh snobs. I adore them, but still.”

No one but Evan just listened to him like she did, but even Evan never heard his side of things with Reg. Lily let him talk until he worked most of it out for himself. Perhaps, a therapist would have done the same, but certainly not for free.

Barty realised that he wasn’t the only one in the wrong, but he had escalated it. Even if Pandora didn’t admit that she and Regulus were partially responsible, it didn’t matter. Lily said he didn’t need their validation or even their approval, just to earn their respect.

After ten minutes, he opened his door and stepped out to stretch. This could take awhile and his nerves were still stretched thin. He was prepared to beg, if necessary, and knowing that humbling himself to that level was a possibility exhausted him.

“Bloody hell. That’s a start,” he said, shaking a cigarette free from his pack. He lit it and inhaled deeply. “It has to get better, it just has to.”

A window flew open on the second floor and the curtains burst free in billowy clouds of navy blue. Evan leaned out between the streaming fabrics and shouted his name.

Once. Twice. Three times!

“Barty? Barty! Barty, you scared the shite out of me!”

He froze, then backed up to his car and leaned against it for support. Evan was crying. Barty stared at him with a mix of confusion, disbelief, and panic.

Is it my fault? Did I make Evan cry? How? What did I do now?

Then, a thunderous noise echoed through the house. The rear door was thrown open and Evan bolted out of it. He raced across the grass and fucking leapt at him. Startled back to reality, Barty dropped the cigarette and held out his arms to catch him. Their combined weight shifted the small car back a foot.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind!” Evan chastised. He wrenched Barty’s head back by his hair as he wrapped his legs tight around his waist. He sobbed between wet, slobbery kisses pressed all over Barty’s face. “I thought…I didn’t know…for fuck’s sake, Barty!”

“Whatever I did this time, I’m truly sorry, Rosie. I never want to hurt you.”

Evan cupped his cheeks and dropped his forehead to meet Barty’s. “Why is your phone in the bloody river, you twit?”

“Oh, I threw it in when you blocked me,” he admitted sheepishly. “I was upset.”

“Thank fuck! I thought you jumped!”

“What? No! When I was so close?”

Evan closed his eyes and sighed. “Tell me we can fix this. I miss you so much, it hurts.”

“I apologised to Pandora, and Reg by extension, but I’ll tell him directly too, if he wants to hear it,” Barty rambled, trying to get all of it out at once. “I’m trying to make it right. I can’t take back what I did, but I can try to show them that I want to be better. I told you that I would do anything for you, and I meant it.”

“You did? Fuck, you really did, didn’t you?” Evan hugged him tight and Barty buried his face in his neck.

“I will always try for you, Rosie. Anything for you.”

A loud slam jerked Barty from his long-awaited moment of bliss. He gripped Evan tighter when he saw Pandora stalking the pavement toward them.

“You couldn’t wait for me to talk to him?” she said, flailing her hands.

Barty pointed at the second-story window, still wide open in the late December chill with the curtains dancing in the breeze. She snorted a derisive laugh and rolled her eyes.

“A Romeo and Juliet moment, was it?”

“More like a shite 1980s rom-com,” Evan said, laughing as he wiped his face clean. “He even caught me!”

“Complete twats, both of you.”

Next Part>>>

#barty crouch jr x evan rosier #evan x barty #barty x evan #barty jr #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr #rosekiller microfic #evan rosier #rosekiller #slytherin skittles #marauders era #pandora rosier

[hangeswif3]

When Hange died I was just so sad, so this is a small thing I wrote. It’s supposed to be from the reader’s pov a couple of months after Hange died.

Note: I’m also thinking about writing a fic about this, like Hange and reader’s relationship so lmk if you’d like that.

Warnings: angssssst, Hange’s death.

Dear Hange,

Since you left everything feels dull. After your death I couldn’t eat or sleep or talk to anyone at all. It was as if I had forgotten how to do all these things. I could only cry. I spent day and night crying, for weeks. Levi took care of me, he made sure I didn’t die. He stayed with me to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid and he made sure I didn’t starve.

After a month I was finally able to go out without having a panic attack. We had a meeting about what we’re gonna do with titans and the world now that this war is over. I kept staring at the door, waiting for you to come in. I keep looking for you in every person I see. We had a service for you too, you looked so handsome in the picture, I’m sure you would’ve loved it. I spoke about you, the way we promised each other we would do if one of us died. Everyone cried. And I did too, so much (I don’t know how I still had tears left.).

After two months I could finally talk to someone else besides Levi. It didn’t feel normal, everyone looks at me with differently. I don’t blame them though, I know I’m not myself anymore, that person died with you. We came back to where it all started, surprisingly everything was still there. I made it to your lab, and to our room. It still smelled like you, I couldn’t help but wait for you to come in at any moment, saying that this was just the cruelest less funny joke ever, and that you were still with me and you’d never leave me. But you never did.

I packed all of our stuff together. I’m moving to the city now, I can’t keep living here, there’s too many memories. Levi is coming with me, I guess there’s too many memories for him too. He misses you too, you know? He’s been amazing helping me with all of this, but I still don’t know what I’m doing.

My therapist told me to write a letter to you, that maybe it would help me mourn in a healthier way. The day you died I thought I would die too, I wanted to. And part of me did. But I’m thankful I didn’t, because then your sacrifice would’ve been in vain, I know you wanted me to live. So I’ll live for both of us, and I promise you, that if there’s a life after this one, that I’ll find you, just wait for me, I promise I’ll come.

Nothing is easy without you, I’m still learning how to exist in this universe without you by my side. I’m still trying to say your name without crying like a baby. But I’m thankful for the time we had together and I promise to make the most of the time I have left. I’ll love you forever.

Love,

- your little love.

#hange x reader #hange x y/n #hange x you #hange zoe #snk #hange zoë #possessive hange #hange zöe #zoe hange

[spnjediavenger]

It Won't Last Forever (Chapter 2)

Title: It Won’t Last Forever (Chapter 2)

Type: multi-chapter; father!Hotch x teen!daughter!reader, some bau x teen!reader (platonic!)

Warnings: canon-typical Criminal Minds sadness and/or violence

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNINGS: panic attack description, flashbacks, alludes to PTSD

Spoilers: S5 SPOILERS

Notes: This chapter is much shorter than the last since the scene has been set but hopefully it’s still good!

The panic attack and PTSD description is a mix of my own experience and some I read online - this is not how ALL panic attacks and PTSD are experienced.

As always, love and/or constructive/friendly criticism is welcome and encouraged!

Word count: 1258

“Trauma fractures comprehension as a pebble shatters a windshield. The wound at the site of impact spreads across the field of vision, obscuring reality and challenging belief.” Jane Leavy

“Ok, babygirl, you know the drill - tell me five things you can see,” Morgan coaxed gently to the girl in front of him. Hotch was needed out of town and Morgan elected to stay behind and watch over Y/n. While she was open to help, she didn’t want to see a therapist. Hotch was against this but was temporarily more lenient since she had his team to help her with her PTSD symptoms. If things got worse, then she would see someone.

“Y- I see you, the-the door, the picture of mom,” Y/n ended the last word in a sad cry.

“Come on, sweetheart, you’re doin’ good. Two more things you can see, stay with me now.”

Y/n sniffled and took a couple breaths. “My bedspread, the floor.”

“Alright, good job. Now four things you can feel.”

The girl ran her hand over her bed. “My knitted blanket…the body pillow behind me…my cheeks are wet,” she sniffled again. “And your hands.”

Morgan gave hers a squeeze. “Good. Three things you can hear.”

“Your voice…cars outside…the air conditioner.”

“Two you can smell.”

“The candle…and I can still smell the detergent on my clothes.”

“Taste?”

She let out a sad, quiet chuckle. “The salt from my tears.”

Morgan let go of one of her hands to wipe said tears from her cheeks.

“That was perfect, sweetheart. How do you feel?”

“Better,” she admitted. This wasn’t the first time one of the team walked her through a panic attack exercise and probably wouldn’t be the last. She could do them by herself at times but it was always better when she had someone with her. Each member of the team had their own methods to help her too. Morgan and JJ typically went with the five things method; Spencer would try and help her regain her breathing while he talked to her, his voice calming to her and helping her to focus on something other than her symptoms; Emily would try and ground her by getting her to pay attention to her surroundings and everything she could feel; Penelope hadn’t been needed too much but when it did happen she, like Reid, would just talk to the girl and try to stay calm herself; Rossi would guide her breathing, squeezing her hands for her to breath in and out; and her dad would hold her and do whatever else she needed. He would usually let her tell him what would help her most in each situation because many of them were different; it was these times when he was most grateful for his team and all the calming methods they taught his daughter.

Right now, it had been Morgan’s turn again.

Morgan smiled and tapped her chin. “That’s my girl.” She offered a half smile. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

The girl frowned again and looked down at her hands, still being held by one of Morgan’s. Y/n squeezed his hand a bit and took a deep breath.

“I just came across one of dad’s guns. And suddenly it was in my hands and I was back there again. I’m so tired of this, De,” she whined softly, looking into his eyes.

Morgan sighed and tucked some stray hair behind one of her ears. “I know, babygirl. I know. And I’m sorry you have to go through this. But it’s all part of trauma, unfortunately. But your dad and your aunts and uncles are all here for you to help you through it. I know it’s hard now but just remember that it won’t last forever.”

Y/n couldn’t help but smile at that.

“What?”

“That’s what Spencer says.”

“And he’s right. But then again, when is pretty boy ever wrong?” Morgan added, rolling his eyes a bit but smiling when that got a genuine laugh out of Y/n. “Ohhh there’s that beautiful laugh we all love so much.”

The girl looked at him and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you, Uncle De.”

He hugged her in turn, holding a hand to her head. “I love you too, babygirl. We’ll all be here for you through it all, ok?”

“Ok.”

Morgan: Y/n/n is asleep. Had a rough day so maybe let her stay asleep when you get back. Your little man is waiting for you though

Hotch frowned and sighed before replying.

Hotch: OK. Fill me in when I get in please

Morgan: Will do

As much as Hotch wanted to see his little girl, he knew he should let her sleep. So when he walked into his home, he happily but quietly greeted Jack when he ran over to him.

“Jack! Hey, buddy!” he whisper-yelled.

“Daddy, I missed you!” his son whisper-yelled back. “Uncle D said Y/n is sleeping and to be quiet,” he informed his father.

Hotch smiled at his son’s thoughtfulness to his big sister. “That’s nice of you, buddy. Did you have a good time with your Uncle D?”

“Yeah! We played a lot and he helped Y/n when she was sad.”

Hotch gave a sad smile that Morgan shared. “That’s good. Alright, it’s pretty late, bud. Why don’t you get into bed and I’ll tuck you in when I put my stuff down?”

“Ok!”

To his word, Hotch put his son to bed when he put his things away. He then went back out to the living room. He sat in one of the chairs to face Morgan on the couch.

“So what happened?” Hotch asked him.

Morgan sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. “She got triggered when she saw one of your guns while looking for something. I helped calm her down but she got pretty tired after that.”

Hotch sighed again and ran a hand down his face. “I-”

He was cut off when a scream sounded from down the hall.

“I’ll keep Jack in his room, you go to her,” Morgan said as both men got to their feet.

“Daddy?” Jack’s voice came.

“Hey, it’s ok, little man,” Morgan said as he went into the boy’s room. “Your sister is just having a bad dream. Come with me, ok?”

As Jack followed him, Hotch went to Y/n’s room to find her writhing in her bed and crying, eyes still closed. He knelt on her bed and gently grabbed her shoulders, making her let out one more scream and open her eyes, shooting up in bed.

“Daddy?” she said, panting.

“It’s alright, honey, it was just a dream. You’re home with me,” Hotch soothed, running a hand over her messy hair.

Y/n let out a breath and ran her hands over her face as she caught her breath.

Hotch sighed as well and didn’t wait to address the elephant in the room. “It’s getting worse, Y/n. I know you don’t want to do therapy but we can’t avoid it anymore. You’re still a minor, I technically don’t need your consent to send you to therapy but I would feel a lot better if I had it.”

Y/n searched her father’s eyes before looking away and nodding. The man let out a relieved sigh and pulled her in for a hug.

“Can one of you always be with me though?” she asked with a small voice.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

The girl nodded into his shoulder and continued hugging him, relishing in his warmth and comfort. She hated the idea of having to let a stranger into her personal life but she knew this wouldn’t go away without help.

Kiera Cass said: “Accepting help is its own kind of strength.”

#fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds x teen reader #aaron hotchner x teen reader #aaron hotchner #bau x teen reader #criminal minds x hotchner reader #derek morgan x teen reader

[heavenlycloud]

the veil~ ღཾཿ༉ ༘჻ღཾཿ჻

four: you think i’m cute ‧₊˚ ⋅ ༘☆*.ﾟ

warnings: swearing, crying

pairing: huh yunjin x aespa 5th member! fem reader

summary: to be in the same place at the same time looking for the same thing is one hell of a coincidence. you both hope to find one another and the mutual ties of friendship may guide your way. so close to finding one another, just hope you don’t fall short and miss the opportunity.

author notes: its been SO long since my last update because i was traveling, in classes, now working, AND my laptop FUCKING BROKE ON ME???? so i managed to throw this chapter together using my phone and a glitchy ass version of google docs. there’s probably spelling errors i didn’t catch so sorry in advance!

this chapter might seem messy and not cohesive with the way it starts and ends but it’s because this chapter did get extremely long so due to that + mobile only letting me post 10 photos at a time—i have to split the chapter into two which will be posted soon as the next update. tag list is still open for those of you all who want to be added in, just comment or drop an ask in my inbox! lastly, feedback, comments, reblogs, questions, literally anything but hateful speech is welcome and very much appreciated!

̟ ̇ ˖ಎ˚˖࿔ masterlist 𓂅୨⊹ ₊˚๑

you jolted awake when you heard the front door to your dorm slam shut followed by muffled sobs and hurried steps to the bathroom. sleep clouded your thoughts and you tried to figure out what was going on elsewhere in the dorm when you went to move your laptop off your bed. you glanced over and noticed you were alone on the video call, and your match was gone. at first you were disappointed and part of you had clung onto the delusion that she’d stay on the call until you woke up. however, that feeling of disappointment was replaced with full blown panic when you saw your camera was turned on when you were 99.99% sure you’d left it off. the only thing keeping you from completely losing your shit was despite the camera being on, your image was blurred by default of the app settings. but, that in no way guaranteed that your identity remained unknown. the screen blur worked when people were sitting a considerable distance from their camera, not a few inches away like you had when you fell asleep. even after you hung up, you racked your brain trying to think about what you could do until you heard a quiet knock at your door.

aeri slipped into your room with tearstained cheeks and swollen eyes as she stood in front of you like a lost puppy. her entire body trembled and her breathing became erratic while she looked down with unfocused eyes. you asked in a serious tone, “are you hurt?” aeri shook her head and you pulled back your blankets and made room for her beneath the covers. she slipped in beside you and you brushed back a piece of hair that fell into her face. the scent of her coconut-apricot shampoo and herbal body wash watered down the lingering odor of alcohol that clung onto her words. there was a small silence before aeri sniffled, “why do i feel like such shit? i thought i would be over all of this by now but i feel the fucking same.” you frowned and ran a hand over her hair before replying softly, “gigi, it’s only been four weeks. you were with him for two years, it’s gonna take time.” you debated on adding on more, but you knew she’d have to hear the truth eventually, “and i know you don’t want to hear it but….running off to other boys and getting white girl wasted isn’t helping much either you know?” she sighed into your shoulder and admitted, “yeah yeah i know but i don’t know what else to do.” you pulled away and looked aeri in the eyes, “you have all of us here, and you can reach back out to your therapist. remember that you have people around you that are here and want to help you when you need it okay?” she nodded slowly and rested her head back on your shoulder before humming, “i will, i promise this time. but right now, i just wanna sleep okay?” you smiled weakly and pressed a kiss to your member’s head, “of course.”

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚✭・彡♡・✫.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

in the morning you found minjeong sitting alone in the kitchen poking at a bowl of fruit she’d cut up earlier that morning. she looked up and made eye contact with you before looking back down silently. you knew the reason for her being upset so you didn’t bother asking because it’d really only rub salt into the wound. instead, you tried to lighten the mood with another question, “are you excited for the Gucci Cruise Show tonight?” minjeong cracked a smile and responded, “elizabeth olsen is coming and IU sunbaenim! i’m gonna try to get pictures with them if i can.” you gave her a look and she scoffed, “i’m serious this time, i’m not gonna just stare at them from afar. ningning and aeri unnie are rubbing off their extrovert energy on me, i can feel it already.” you shook your head and laughed, “so i’m not going to get a call from you 10 minutes into the after party begging for me to bullshit up an excuse to our manager so you can leave?” minjeong’s face dropped and she glared at you, “shut up.” you threw your head back with laughter and she changed the subject, “how was your date last night? has she talked to you since then?” she saw how you suddenly stiffened at the mention of your match and awaited your reply nervously, “i think she knows who i am.”

aeri walked into the kitchen and sleepily rubbed her eyes, “who knows who you are?” she moved to sit on your lap but shot up when minjeong answered, “her match.” aeri already had her phone out with ningning on FaceTime so you could explain to them both: “i was watching the movies with her last night and it got super late and i guess i dozed off at some point. when i fell asleep my camera was off but when i woke up it was on. the screen blur was on but i was super close to the camera so like i don’t know if she could tell it was me…and i’m starting to think she knows because she hasn’t texted me at all this morning and usually she’s up now.”

ningning tried to offer a consolation, “well your hair isn’t a vibrant color right now and your lights were off so if she saw anything it probably wasn’t much.” aeri chimed in, “yeah and she might have had an early practice this morning and hasn’t had a chance to text you.” minjeong nodded in agreement and told you, “they’re right. it’s probably nothing to worry about.” you sank back into your chair again and picked at your cuticles as you let your mind wander to a world of negative ‘what ifs’. ningning snapped her fingers in front of your face and placed her hand over yours, “hey! stop that. everything is going to be fine so stop letting yourself worry about this girl. instead think about how you might see her tonight at the party.”

minjeong perked up and asked, “what party?” jimin emerged from the hallway while she answered, “it’s choi jisu’s birthday party. every year she has this massive celebration for her birthday.” aeri clapped her hands in excitement and continued, “there’s always a cool theme to go with it. last year it was Starry Night and she hosted it in a literal planetarium! this year’s theme is Masquerade Ball. it’s admission by invitation only and this year we’ve been invited AND management is actually letting us go!” the younger singer furrowed her brows and asked, “for an event so exclusive why is she inviting us when we’ve only met her in passing?” ningning chimed in, “when y/n and i were trainees jisu was also training here with us.” you pointed to her then added, “yeah jisu and i were close back then. it was only a few months because she left SM and we lost touch after that…but like i said we were close.” minjeong stared at you suspiciously and asked, “how close?” aeri snorted and slapped ningning’s arm as the two doubled over laughing. you whined, “not like THAT WINNIE OH MY GOD?!” the latter shrugged and plainly said, “hey i never know…people get around.” her gaze fell to jimin for a millisecond then to the floor as if she never said anything. ningning coughed awkwardly then blurted out, “okay well i uh…i have a thing.” the rest of you all scattered as well to go about your mornings before you had to start getting ready for the big night.

all you wanted to do this morning and afternoon was focus on the upcoming party, but you had to practice. you dragged your feet against the floor of the company building hallways until you reached your destination. music was already playing in the practice room when you opened the door and a blonde woman called out to you, “you’re late.” you turned to check the time on the wall clock just to see it’d been unplugged. instead you made a move to check your phone but the woman swiped it out of your hand before you got the chance to look at it. she playfully mocked the sassy retort you always gave her, “by two minutes.” when you scoffed in feign offense she reminded you, “which still means you’re late. get warmed up, i have to make a few calls.” the older woman walked out of the studio and you did as you were told, starting with some stretches to warm up your muscles.

four hours passed and it was just around lunchtime when you finished the main part of practice. you spun in a circle before falling to the floor in a dramatic dip earning a laugh from your mentor. she stared at you from above and shook her head in amusement before holding her hand out to help you up. when you held out a finger for her to give you a moment, she instead joined you on the floor. your chest slowly stopped heaving but the burning ache in your abdominal muscles remained. you rolled onto your stomach and let your face rest on your forearms with your eyes closed. the older woman patted your behind and praised you warmly, “you did really well today. i can see you’ve been working hard.” for a few moments you both sat in silence as she let you catch your breath before moving to stand up. you followed behind her and hesitated before asking, “wait- hyoyeon unnie….can i ask you something?” your mentor turned around and answered, “what’s wrong, babydoll?” the old nickname she gave you years ago slipped off her lips effortlessly bringing you a sense of security that washed away your nerves.

you tugged at the fabric of your pants and a smile grew on hyoyeon’s face, she loved when you got shy and embarrassed over things because it meant she could tease you about it later. slowly you asked, “can you teach me how to dance? you know how they do in the princess movies? like ballroom dance?” the older woman put her bag back down and clarified, “a waltz?” when you nodded eagerly and excitedly followed her back to the center of the room she laughed. she showed you the moves and explained them simply as you started to get the hang of it within a few short minutes. when she added music to it she started asking more questions, “why do you suddenly need to know this?” you followed her lead and answered as you both moved, “there’s a party tonight and the theme is Masquerade Ball…i just wanna know in case.” hyoyeon could see the way you were trying to hide your smile as you clearly pictured she was someone else. your mentor then prompted, “so it’s not in case you happen to dance with a certain someone?” you shook your head in refusal but she could see right through your lies, yet she didn’t question you. you told her about your outfit for the evening and how your members, minus minjeong, we’re going together as well.

when you both finished dancing to the song, she picked up your phone and handed it back to you. hyoyeon pulled you into a hug, “good work today, babydoll. have fun this evening and take pictures, okay.” you nodded and headed down opposite directions of the hallways as she tacked on, “good luck with your dance, im sure you’ll charm your princess.” you whipped around just to see her smiling at you as she shot a wink over her shoulder. she pointed to her phone then walked around the corner leaving you stunned to a silence. you realized what she meant and checked your lock screen which had numerous notifications that read: Lyra 🪐

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚✭・彡♡・✫.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

“god- soobin wait! shit fuck- i can’t breathe take it out! somi save me!” yunjin rasped out as her best friend squeezed the last breath out of her lungs while tying up the back of her gown. he let the ribbons go and threw his hands in the air, “somi you’re up. my hands are cramping from the last four times i did it..” somi huffed, “you’re being dramatic. jen come here.” she walked over to her and took a deep breath before yanking the ribbons to the back of the ball gown and tying it tightly. she patted yunjin on the shoulder, “see not so bad right?” yunjin coughed dramatically and winced, “i think you broke one of my ribs…” somi beamed “then i did it right. come on the car is downstairs.” kazuha, chaeyoung, and chloe were already waiting in another room for the other three and the six made their way down to the garage.

chloe gathered more handfuls of her dress’ lilac tulle topped with lavender and silver flowers as she walked and tried not to stumble over her own feet. she asked while looking around for somi’s car, “somi, remind me again how you expect to fit all of us in your car?” the blonde simply pointed to two black Cadillac Escalade trucks, “i got drivers.” the five friends looked at each other with shared glances before remembering this was their best friend they were talking about. chaeyoung helped kazuha into the truck first, picking up her forest green dress so not to ruin it. chloe followed behind her then chaeyoung filled in last, adjusting her navy blue blazer that was lined with silver hearts around the cuffs and trim. from the front seat, keeho turned around, “we waited down here for like an hour.” the girls rolled their eyes and ignored him, insisting that the music be turned up louder instead. meanwhile, soobin was busy helping somi and yunjin into the truck. yunjin went in first and somi followed in suit. her bubblegum pink gown took up a seat and a half, some of the tulle spilling onto beomhan’s lap when he sat behind her. soobin sat in the passengers seat before letting the driver know that everyone was here and they were ready to go.

“who did you invite tonight?” yunjin asked as she watched cars go by in the other street lanes. somi, who was in charge of jisu’s guest list, replied easily, “everyone in jisu’s address book…more or less.” yunjin asked in a more serious tone, “hold on, you didn’t invite jimin did you?” somi looked confused as she slowly answered, “yeah, why?” everyone in the car collectively started speaking over one another causing somi to raise her voice, “STOP YELLING AT ME AND TELL ME WHATS GOING ON!” beomhan lowered his voice as he told her, “she has a thing with ryujin while ryujin also has a thing with jisu. and before you ask yes jisu also has a thing with yeji. i don’t even know what it is honestly. the whole dynamic is a little weird she said. but apparently yeji and jisu are cool and they have their own little…thing. jisu also has a thing with ryujin too though and yeji knows obviously they like live together. but jisu says that she doesn’t really care who else ryujin wants to be with because they aren’t an exclusive thing, right. but then when someone tries to talk to jisu, ryujin gets all territorial, even when it’s yeji sometimes. she said ryujin will act like she’s only hers and her feelings get all hurt when jisu reminds her that they aren’t really a thing. and then in the same breath ryujin turns around with karina and acts like she didn’t even want jisu to begin with. i dunno it’s all just messy.”

yunjin frowned and asked curiously, “i thought karina had a thing with chaewon?” somi added on with a confused look too, “i thought she was messing around with winter?” beomhan pursed his lips as he explained further, “technically you’re both right. karina just has girls she messes with but nothing exclusive. ever since she and ryujin broke up a few months back she’s just been friends with benefits with a couple different people…including ryujin. i’m pretty sure all of them know they’re not the only ones she’s seeing.” soobin offered from the front seat, “well ryujin won’t be there tonight. she has that Gucci event. so even if karina does show up, ryujin wont be around to entertain her.” yunjin added with a shrug, “neither will chaewon.” the rest of the car ride everyone noticed yunjin in her own little world, completely ignoring when taylor swift came on the shuffle.

somi waved her hand in front of yunjin’s face, “jen? hellooooo???” the american singer then snapped out of her trance, “what? my bad what happened?” soobin pointed to the radio and said, “you didn’t sing to the past three taylor songs. are you okay? what are you thinking about?” she tried to play it off but even with the mask over her face it couldn’t hide the smile that pulled at her lips. beomhan glanced at her phone and noticed her Veil app open then he giggled, “she’s talking to her match.” the rest of her friends cooed and teased her before getting her to admit, “jasmine said she’ll be at the party.” somi gasped then questioned, “do you know what she’s wearing?” yunjin shook her head, “nope. she barely even told me she was coming.” soobin asked just as the car pulled into the lot, “do you know if she’s here yet?” yunjin once again refused, “nope.” all of them adjusted their masks over their eyes and secured the ribbons on the backs of their heads before heading into the building to find the massive ballroom. while the ballroom was on everyone else’s mind, all that was on yunjin’s was finding you.

⚠️‼️extra tweets and messages (important) ‼️⚠️

♡‧₊˚˘͈ᵕ˘͈‎ 彡♡ ༘*.ﾟ .·:¨༺ ʚ♡ɞ༻¨*:·.﹢࿐ ☆

authors notes: since i’m posting on mobile (my laptop is still being repaired) i can’t post all the messages and tweets id usually do for a chapter. that being said i can’t post the FULL chapter until i get my laptop back. HOWEVER i think it’ll be ready for pickup tomorrow. but cuz i’m working and i have a hectic week ahead i don’t wanna deprive you all of what i do have ready. and idk if i’ll be able to post again tomorrow even tho i’ll have my laptop back ☹️ so just know something big is coming and it is ready to be posted, i just need to get back on desktop! thank you all for being so patient and understanding i know i’ve been breaking promises with my updating schedule since may 😭 but thank you for sticking with me!

#kpop fanfic #girl group imagines #girl group scenarios #kpop imagines #girl group fluff #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #girl group reactions #the veil au

[rhodesrider]

Stormy Weather

SFW! 18+!

Daddy!Solo x Little!Reader

Warnings: Age Regression,Caregiver Neglect, Panic Attacks, Negative Thoughts, Past Trauma Explanations, thoughts of abandonment

~

“Daddy can I please?” Solo rolled his eyes watching tv with his brothers. Y/N went in her little space ever since they got home from a park basketball game. They had to come because it started to rain. Solo was trying hard not to yell, he’s still getting use to the age regression. “No like I said the last three times, you can’t go play in the rain.” He groaned. Y/N frowned and walked away grabbing her raincoat and rain boots putting everything back. She slowly started to come back from Age Five to her grumy adult age. She sniffled wiping some tears and just got under the covers to watch tv.

‘He doesn’t like it.’

Thoughts swirled in her head as she tried to watch tv in peace.

‘Why would even try? Why didn’t you keep it to yourself?’

She groaned and turned the tv off hearing them downstairs. “How can y’all handle that?” Solo said irritated. “You have to remember man that it helps her.” Jey said as himself and Jimmy had littles before. “But she’s just acting-“ Jimmy smacked him beside his head. “What the fuck was that for?” He yelled. “It’s not acting. She’s lost. This of her way of being healed and found again. She told what hell she’s gone through before coming here living with you uce.” Jimmy hissed. Soon Roman went through the door with snacks for Y/N, she texted him earlier before while he was at the gym. He looked around and stopped his look at an angry set of twins and an irritated little brother of theirs. “Where’s Y/N and what happened?” Roman sounded protective, but as a littles uncle he was. “She went upstairs with an attitude because she wanted to play in the rain.”

Roman blinked. “I bought her a bunch of rain stuff for a reason.” He raised his eyebrow looking upstairs. “So why aren’t you up there with her?” Solo sighed. “She’s fine Yall.” Jey and Jimmy looked at each other and shook their head. “She’s not. You know that.” Roman bellowed some, the living room quiet as a mouse. “Solo when she told you about her headspace, she trusted you. She worked with you to learn. This is something that helps her.” “It helps a lot of people. You can’t just dismiss it man.” Jimmy said.

Before Roman came through the door, Y/N cried herself asleep. Roman peeked in sighing and closed her door walking back down. “She’s sleep. “ Solo felt bad, he’s technically new to this. “Cuz I just don’t understand.” Solo groaned. “Every time she tells you her past, what do you hear?” Roman said siting down. “She was verbally abused by her dad, she was sexually abused by family members, her mother passed away, she had to take care of her siblings, the verbal turned physical…” he sighed remembering the tears that fell on her face, telling him to laugh like it was funny. “Yea she went through so much, to me she’s not asking for alot. “I know it seems like a lot, but it helps her heal. It’s the best she can do.” Jey chimes in. “What about actual therapy?” Solo said. “Therapist recommended this practice to her.” Jimmy said sipping on some water.

Solo sighed and went into his head irritated at hisself now. “So what do I do?” Roman smiled. “Be patient.”

Solo didn’t wanna wake her from her nap so he stayed downstairs to help Roman make her favorite food. She loves steak sliders. But soon his ears fixed straight upstairs, like someone is crying. “Ro I’ll be right back.” Solo quickly got upstairs and Jey took over his spot cooking. He got closer to his door hearing sobbing and quiet crying. “Baby?” He walked in.

Y/N was on the bed trying to calm herself down from a panic attack. Solo quickly went to her. “Baby are you-“ “I’m sorry I’m fine!” She quickly said her eyes shut and her shaking. Solo couldn’t think straight until Roman’s words echoed in his head from before. “Hey mamas…” She soon opened her eyes and looked at solo. Her eyes puffy and she looked around. “Hey it’s ok, did you have another bad dream?” She was non-verbal. She shook her head yes wiping tears away. “Do you need a hug from teddy?” The names she use for Solo is Daddy/Teddy/papa. “I’m sorry…” solo stopped and frowned. “I’m sorry for bothering you all the time and asking you to do this mess.” Solos heart broke more. “I’ll stop. I won’t do it no more I just don’t wants you to leave..” Y/N didn’t know she was slipping.

Solo grabbed her slowly and put her in his lap hugging her. She shed more tears crying. “I’m not going anywhere baby. I promised.” Solo kisses her forehead as she cried in his shirt. He felt so bad. She needed this and he just tossed it to the side like it was nothing. “My brothers and Cuz are better Daddy’s than me..” He hissed angry. Y/N sniffled looking up at him and hugged him more. “Teddy, your nots bad…” Solo looked down and smiled at her. “I feel bad, I made my baby cry…” She nuzzled in Solo more. “You’re da best teddy ever.” She smiled. She was just happy he was there. Solo felt warm smiling back. “Hey Uncles made food!” She looked up hungry smelling the rolls and steak downstairs. “Yes they did. My little munchkin is hungry is she?” Solo smiled picking her up letting her wrap her legs around him. “Daddy?” He looked at her. “Yes baby?” “I loves you.” She giggled. His heard warmed more from his cute little. “I love you more.” “Imposstifull.” Solo chuckled. “It’s never impossible.” He said going downstairs.

A Few Weeks Later

A light storm was outside. Y/N watched it from the window scared to ask. She loved watching the rain drops drip on the window and saw some frogs out in the backyard. Solo put her rain gear by her and sat with her as she watched. “Princess, what if I told you that there is a water dragon outside?” She shot a look at solo. “And you need me?” He nodded. “If we don’t get it it’s gonna get bigger and terrorize the house!” Y/N gasped and looked at her rain gear. “Will daddy come with me?” She asked. He pointed at his rain gear and nature jar set he got for her. “You are very strong mamas daddy will just keep the jars.” She nodded and she excitedly started to get her boots on. Solo loved her smile. He helped her with the rain hat and put his boots on next. “Daddy come on!” She said giggling looking out at the patio. “I’m coming baby.” He smiled. He passed Roman who was in the study. “Hey, you’re doing great uce.” He praised and Solo nodded. “Come on teddy before the dragon gets away!” Roman looked at him confused laughing and solo just shrugged going to help his little.

“Just be patient.” Roman mumbled and smiled at the peace he had in the house.

#wwe imagine #wwe one shot #wwe smackdown #wwe roman reigns #wwe raw #jey uso #jimmy uso #age regression #solo sikoa #sfw little community

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie: Season 7 Speculation - Multi-Chapter Fanfic

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Hiatus Reading

Chapter 1 is already available on AO3 and Chapter 2 will be posted this weekend.

__________

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 1: 12K words Rated: Mature

___________

Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Here are two snippets from chapter 2 and it’ll be posted this weekend.

__________

Buck

Kameron’s crying, Connor’s yelling and Buck’s looking at Dr. Fredricks still at a loss for words.

Once Buck’s finally able to mentally tune back into the conversation, Connor’s talking, actually he’s screaming at the top of his lungs.  His voice is tight and the longer he yells, the angrier he gets.

“I’m confused Dr. Fredricks because Buck told us he donated and his sperm should have been used to help us conceive…”

If Buck’s tongue would work, he’d verbally agree with Connor right now but his tongue feels like it’s being held down by a tongue depressor.  He distinctly remembers giving his donation so he’s not sure what happened.  Then memories of all the problems he had every time he went to the clinic to donate rush to the front of his mind like a tidal wave and even though he doesn’t want to believe a sperm clinic could mess things up this badly, he wonders if they mixed his sperm up with someone else’s.

He understands Connor’s frustrations but he’s choosing not to intervene yet because he doesn’t want to make things any worse than they already are and he wants to see what else Dr. Fredricks has to say.

Dr. Fredricks shakes his head to interrupt Connor.  “Listen... I think everyone needs to take a breath before I continue”.

Eddie

“Tia, I—I know you’ve been trying to help but I’m asking if you would please stop trying to set me up on dates.”

He pauses to see her reaction and he notices the stunned look on her face but to him she doesn’t look upset so he continues.

“After all the things I went through over the last five years, especially the last two, I need more time to work on myself. “

She nods and he continues.

He looks at her with pleading eyes.  “Two years ago, I was shot in the middle of the street by a sniper…”  He pauses and takes a minute to collect himself.

“Then I had panic attacks followed by a mental breakdown… and while some of that stuff was all related, there were other things I hadn’t dealt with yet.  It took me a long time to recover and with the help of my therapist along with all my family’s and friends’ love and support, I’m still healing.  You already know all of this but the thing you may not know is for the last year, I’ve been happy just getting to know me.  I’m learning how to move forward with my life.”

___________

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 fox #911 on fox #911onfox #911 abc #911 on abc #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #buddie fanfic #New Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic #ao3 fanfic #911 fanfic #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading

[tirednerd2012]

Barley’s POV of the Last Chapter

WARNING: Contains attempted suicide attempt, please read with CAUTION. Barley’s POV of The Confession

The drive home was excruciatingly silent. Ian stared out the window and nothing Barley said or did would bring him out of the pain he was feeling. He wasn’t crying anymore, just staring blankly. His eyes were almost lifeless and that’s when Barley realized it had been too long since he had seen a true, genuine smile on Ian’s face or heard him laugh.

The moment the car stopped, Ian rushed to the door and then to his room. Barley was just able to get inside to hear his bedroom door slam shut and their mother looked from in the kitchen, confused.

“His magic isn’t working. He had a breakdown and then just stopped talking,” he explained, quietly. He didn’t want Ian to hear the worry in his voice.

He’d never heard of someone’s magic simply stopping on its own. Either the person didn’t know they had the ability to be a wizard, or they stopped using magic willingly. It was like Ian’s body just shut down, or his magic couldn’t tell what was going on anymore and stopped working. Kirk had forced him to perform spells and was going to go further into dangerous, dark magic territory. Maybe Ian’s magic, or his body or mind, couldn’t handle it, so it stopped. He wasn’t even sure if that was what was happening, but it made the most sense. It was a working theory.

“How bad was the breakdown?” his mom asked. Barley had trouble looking her in her eyes lately because of the exhaustion clearly in them. Another thing he couldn’t fix.

“I was able to calm him down, but if he can’t access his magic, I don’t see this getting better.”

“Maybe we try the therapist again?”

“He hasn’t shown any signs of improvement with the therapist, Mom. Maybe we need to find a different one?”

“I’ll look around,” she responded. “I do have to go to the store to get things for dinner. Can you keep an eye on him?”

“Yeah, yeah, I will. I’m about to go up there now,” Barley assured her. She gave him a hug and kiss before leaving and Barley mentally prepared himself for the pep talk. Everything would be fine. His book surely couldn’t contain all the answers, but that didn’t mean the answers weren’t out there, all they had to do was find them. It would be okay. Barley would find out what was going on.

He made his way up the stairs and noticed Blazey scratching at Ian’s door. A sudden panic washed over Barley and he started running up the stairs and towards Ian’s room. He busted the door open without knocking only to find his little brother with a kitchen knife to his wrists.

“Ian! What the hell are you doing?” he shouted as he ran over and snatched the knife out of Ian’s hand with one hand and then wrapped Ian up in on arm. Ian looked up at him with tears pouring down his eyes as he examined the room.

“I wasn’t here.”

“What?”

“I was back in the attic. With Kirk. He gave me the pocketknife.”

“No, that was a kitchen knife and what was it doing in your room? Ian, look at me,” Barley said. “What was a knife doing in your room?”

“Let me do it, Barley.”

“What?”

“Let me go. I never should have made it out of that attic. Let me finish it,” Ian pleaded. He tried to break from his brother’s grasp, but Barley held on to him while Ian kicked, screamed, struggled, cried, every part of a meltdown he had no idea how to treat. He held on until Ian eventually cried himself to sleep in his brother’s arms, begging him to let him kill himself. Barley didn’t speak once during it. He had no idea what to say. He just held on.

Their mom found them on the floor of Ian’s room, both tear-stained faced and Barley found himself unable to stop shaking no matter how hard he tried. He also found himself unable to let go of Ian or explain to their mother what just happened because he didn’t even understand it himself.

#onward #barley #ian #iwlg #onward pixar #barley lightfoot #ian lightfoot

[alloutofgoddesses]

I’m catching up to Critical Role so just ignore this unless you’re interested

Will! That actually sounds really cool, good luck contestants

Ashton is cracking me up and breaking my heart. 🥺 Talesin I missed you

I have seen some spoilers so I know at some point Ludinus shows up… where is that bastard

Dwendalian people AND Vasselheim people?? Haha I’m scared

This professor reminds me of Bill Header’s alien football commentator lol

FEARNE! DO NOT SUGGEST THE INNOCENT PROFESSOR TRIGGER FCG!

Harmonious Aeormaton!!

This is very cool lore

So he was altered to be a murder bot? FCG…

Not the *cough*

God I love smart characters who are extremely knowledgeable on a subject

Now I’m gonna cry because FCG is being called a special beautiful person

The therapist just got some therapy and I. Have emotions.

I am interested in Imogen’s stuff I just had a conversation happening

TRAP DOOR

Liam what did you write

Fearne I love you

THERE’S LUDINUS THAT BITCH

I love Fearne

She’s trying so hard to distract him :0

Can anybody else see Caleb SCREAMING behind Liam’s eyes or is it just me

Oh no now it’s just his whole face. Hi Caleb, I’m sorry you can’t actually set this man on fire right now. I hope you get to soon

I hate Cerberus Assembly wizards!

WHAT HAS LUDINUS HEARDDDD AND FROM WHEREEEEE

What’s an Exaltant Ludinus and can you please fuck OFF

I want a certain monk to come through the window and lightning glove him SO BAD

Liam and Marisha are being ridiculously entertaining right now

That motherfucker was just waiting somewhere in the building I know it

Can I be honest… Carolle should just let them through like goddamn why do you care so much

Ashton’s being so soft 🥺

LIGAMENT MANOR OH MY GOD

FEYWILDDDDDDD I’m so excited

I love that Fearne looks distinctly more Fey at home. (Also Laudna and Ashton hitting on her oh my god)

TREEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS THAT MOVE

Fearne you’re gonna get them stuck here with telling them to eat and drink lol

Brief side note - I’m gonna steal Talesin’s gender. Especially when he’s playing Ashton and has facial hair.

Is Orym panic singing? Liam I love you

More panic singing!

Not the “Jazz is chaos” callback

I LOVE this house are you kidding me

Nana Morri will be starring in my nightmares, thank you Matt and Ashley

#critical role #cr spoilers

[bluecardigan-13]

There is no benchmark anywhere in life that says you have to have this or this figured out. Life is hard, being an adult is hard. I’m 45 and I have a panic attack standing in line at the grocery store when I have to pay for my groceries! I freak out when I’m like yes I’m hurrying to put my check card away back off! LOL my oldest son is 20 and he says he feels bad that he doesn’t have his drivers license by now. I said who said you gotta have anything by now? Live your life, be you, love yourself and don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. It will work itself out. At least it did for me. Life is too short to make yourself into something that makes you unhappy!

Yes I have actual #panic attacks when I am even in self check out at the store. Irrational as it may seem. I hyperventilate while I take my wallet out of my purse to pay for my groceries, and then when I put it back sweat trickles down my back while I am feeling stared at by probably no one! It’s ludicrous and silly!

Did you know that I have 2 #cats (Ash and Yoda) as my #emotional support animals? They each have their designated roles for me and help me cope. Ash who is grey and white, and meows like (not to be mean) but she meows like a crying baby - she helps keeps my brain in check. Like #grounded if that makes sense.

And Yoda she is my #alpha cat. When I buy them new toys or beds which tends to be more frequent than I’d like to admit will claim everything including the box it came in. But she knows when I am having a #panic attack. She lets her presence know by meowing before doing anything. Be it jumping on the couch, trying to help me balance my check book by ripping the receipts up - even tho I tell her not to. She lets out a short #meow. As to say I’m here pay attention human I am here to take care of you because I know you need me. Which 9 times out of 10 I do. I wish I could bring both of them with me when I go out but that’s frowned upon here. Plus they don’t like the kennels I’ve bought them, and I’m 1 person. I can’t carry both of them.

Yoda will climb on the couch or into bed with me and sit ON me until my #panic attacks pass. I’m not sure how she knows she just does.

I also have #cptsd. This is due to prolonged exposure emotional and mental abuse as a child. And even as an adult. I know no one is perfect. But I grew up in a traditional samurai Japanese household. What my parents said went. No questions asked. The word #NO was not apart of the English language or part of any conversation I had with them. I wasn’t a troubled child but was seen as one. My score in my family compared to my younger sister was a big fat goose egg.

She was the #golden child. I was not. Why you may ask? She did what she was told. She as I’ve heard #taylor swift say, she was the girl that smiled and waved. Did as she was told, never making waves. I #made waves. Not big ones. But like my sister was in AP everything, not me. I was a failure. She got straight A’s, I got A’s and B’s and gasp the occasional C. I remember once I got a D. I was tormented for it for months.

Did I not know that these grades (at the age of 7) would follow me for the rest of my life? #and that I bring shame to my family for such humiliation?! I never felt that this was my sister’s fault. This was just my parents. So my sister and I were still close. We’re 3 yrs apart.

As we got older, I remember her telling me that she had developed depression and anxiety too. But dealt with it by sticking her head in the sand because she saw what I went through with my parents. (My therapist wanted them to come to my sessions - my dad said no. That it was my problem that I needed to fix on my own. Why did he need to be there?) so she pretended like it was all fine. When it wasn’t. I told her she could talk to me if she wanted to. She never did. I’m guessing it’s just easier to pretend #everything is ok. Even when I’ve told her #it’s ok not to be ok.

If any of you need someone to talk to, please respond to this message I am more than happy to listen. Not necessarily give advice. Cause I’m not a dr. But I can be your friend if you want. Even if it’s once, or a million. This is a #judgment free zone. I also have a YouTube channel that’s the same way. #love is love.

I know what it feels like to be alone. And #it’s no fun. Wanna looks me up on YouTube? That’s me! I am a nobody. A small insignificant channel. I barely have 1,100 subs. I’m striving for it though. I really want to hit 2,000. I doubt I’ll get there. (Not enough people care about our my message!)

We talk about #art therapy, #yarn, #epoxy resin (I just moved from HI to OK but I do used to do live resin pours. I’m trying to get my craft area in order so I can start again), we also talk about #chronic illnesses - I have several and it sucks. We talk about #chronic pain which I also have, which also sucks.

We talk about having #fibromyalgia yes it’s a thing, despite what some drs say. We discuss #mental illnesses, which I also have and how hard it is to manage. We talk about how #art therapy helps manage these things and how nice it is sometimes to see on YouTube or wherever that there are other people like us out there. Cause it’s lonely sometimes thinking you might be the only one who has, #fibromyalgia, #chronic pain. These subjects are all hard things to talk about. I know. But I want to talk about them. People find me boring or annoying, or I bring them down. Maybe that’s why my channel isn’t growing?

Sometimes I lay in bed at night asking myself what’s wrong with me other than the obvious incurable diseases I have. I’m on so many medications, and I still have medical problems they can’t figure out. It’s a joke.

IDK maybe that’s why I’m here on Tumblr. LOL even though I still don’t know how this works 3 yrs later. Hahahaha!! I’m such a #boomer even tho I’m a millennial. Right? I’m 45. Go figure.

A mom, with 2 sons and a wonderful husband who takes care of me when I have a flare from my #fibro. Cause when you have a flare - it hurts so much even your #teeth, #hair and #skin hurt. Heck it hurts to #laugh!

Did you know that I haven’t been on a REAL vacation in over a decade? It’s sad. I would give my last #breath to my husband, or children before I ever would take a #vacation!

In all seriousness if you are in need to chat with someone cause you feel stuck? Or deal with the same or similar things that I do, please comment! Or head over to my youtube channel and comment. I do my best to comment to my members. (Oh and I don’t call them my subscribers. Yall are #ohana members. Cause you’re family. I find subscribers impersonal. I like having you as apart of my family.) I was born and raised in HI. And ohana is important in HI. I miss mine even if it’s contentious. They’re still my family.

And since my last post I lost my dad. He died during Covid. It’s weird cause it’s like time was before #Covid and after #Covid. Right? He died on 4/21/21 of a sudden cardiac arrest. My mom had just retired 4 months prior. They were planning on taking my oldest son to #Japan for his high school #graduation gift together. As the oldest I had to plan the funeral which was hard because of #covid. My husband was a big upset with this cause right before my dad passed away, my dad told me that he didn’t believe a single word I was saying about my illnesses. That I was just attention seeking. Cause I really love taking ll my meds and being poked and jabbed all the time for fun. But, his mom (my grandma) died in December of 2021. I was super close with her. I just want a break from life.

Anyway no said life was #easy or #happy right? Come join my #ohana where no one gets left behind. See what #silliness or #not so silliness we get up to. #Chat if you want. Or don’t. It’s a #no judgment zone, and #no one says you have to be somewhere or do some benchmark just cause you’re x yrs old.

More to come.

#mental health #crochet #crafts #i’d like to share stories about chronic pain with someone who can help #handmade #self care is not selfish #self care is listening to taylor swift #taylor swift helps my mental health #taylor can you help #its ok to not be ok #chronic pain #chronic illness #fibromyalgia #chronic fatigue #chronically ill #who notices me #who reads this #help needed #mental illness advocate #taylorlurking #cats are my emotional support animals #invisible illness #bipolor #missing

[mental-health-advice]

I'm in my twenties and have had anxiety and depression for a while now, and maybe some other undiagnosed conditions (im suspecting ptsd from emotional abuse) and recently this thing has been happening where some idea or concept causes my mind to shut down, I can't think about it and as I try I start panicking and want to cry, because it's like something blocking my brain. At first it was connected to discussions about emotions, so I thought it was trauma response but recently it happened with some dnd creature description which was not triggering and super random. Now I'm thinking maybe I have experienced this before but milder? I don't know, im very confused right now. Would you maybe know if this has a name? Or if it's a symptom of something. I found the term thought blocking but I don't struggle with memory at those moments. I imagine the panic feels akin to claustrophobia. And you just can't think even simple thoughts, like that specific random topic is locked behind a wall and it feels terrible because it's a very simple action, like if you wanna pick up a coin and then your body refuses, that but with thinking. Hope it makes at least some sense, thank you in advance

Hey there,

Have you ever sought any mental health advice or support? To me (and I am not a professional I am just going on my own experiences and what you have mentioned) but it sounds like you may be going through some kind of dissociation. There are many different types of dissociation, hence the asking if you have ever sought any mental health advice or for any help or support?

It can be so scary when your mind begins to shut down and you can’t even think the simplest of things and get your body to cooperate to do what you want it to.

There are a number of things that may cause a person to dissociate (if this is what you have – again I am not a professional) it could be a trigger which may be something that you are conscious of or it could be something that may trigger you subconsciously that you are not aware of which may help to explain why this might have happened with what normally doesn’t trigger you if that makes sense?

It can be hard to come out of something like dissociation but with a lot of hard work and practice it is possible to help train your mind I guess you could call it to try to come out of it. Have you ever heard of grounding? This is something that I have found very helpful, we have a page on different grounding techniques that you can check out here.

I would definitely recommend you seeing your local doctor or GP though for help and advice and if needed then a referral to see a counsellor or therapist. They would be able to best help you with helping to explain what you are going through, possible reasons and causes and of course different coping strategies that may be helpful for you to use.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren  

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #anxiety #depression #mind shutting down #getting help #seeking support and advice

[volcanofireflame150]

I Am A Survivor

Ch4; Ch6

Chapter 5

I went back to the dorm, I noticed that everyone was in the living room so I went to my room so I don't interact with any of them until I relax from what I was doing, I went to my bathroom to talk to myself on how I need to keep this up because I can never let anyone get too close to me. So after my monoluge, I walked out and I see Kris sitting on my bed, he looked at me, "We've been waiting for you." I immediately began to panic, began to mutter, "Please not again, anything but this please." He sees this and immediately walks up to me but shoved him away, "Stay away from me! I don't want to do this!" "Do what?" he asked, "Shadow, you are not making any sense at all, all I said was that we were waiting for you to return so we can only talk about certain things, nothing else." "Back off," I said, repeating phrases of that day. I kept saying those words when I thought that she was in the room, but Kris, he did nothing but trying to calm me down by saying calming words and I was slowly coming back to being in the present.

After 2 hours, I finally calmed down, finding myself crying in his chest, he noticed how broken I am inside, how so much love has been taken away from me, all I know how to express is nothing but fear, anger, and sadness, I am slowly experiencing other emotions after 4 years away from her finally, but I am afraid life in prison is not going to keep her away from me, not even the restraining order that my uncle has been put into place. She still manages to find her way to make my life a living nightmare only because I won't become like her, still claiming that she is my biological mother. I needed this reassurance knowing that I can go to someone with situations like this, he led me to the living room where everyone was, I was still feeling the aftermath, I jolted backwards but he remained by my side saying that nothing is going to happen like that anymore. He kept saying that he is there to help me through this traumatic event that I never had ever since, everyone was so busy doing their daily lives, Uncle Astaroth is never around when I am dealing with this all by myself, and Stephanie is always disappearing when morning arrives.

My father is always with my uncle, leaving me with no one to go to, I needed this so bad that I am keeping them on low contact because they would always drop everything when I am dealing another trauma. Even then, they are never going to be there when I need someone help me through, my therapist would always go to that woman because it helps her to torment me even more. Kris stayed by my side, "Guys, do you have anything to say towards Shadow about her eyes?" "Yeah sorry, we were processing what is happening right now," said Kai, "We just moved here, you joined the group affected heavily on us. Adding to you opening up to your insecurities is another thing that we as a group will have to process together." "Yeah, I didn't know that I would be accepted into this group so quick," I told them, "I really need all the support I can get." "Why do you say that?" asked Luhan, "Do you not get any support from your family?" I was hesitant, Kris said, "Alright that is enough for her to be asked such questions." "Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you," said Luhan, "I'm just trying to get that out so we can know on what not to do while you are around."

I made a huge ass list of things that I need to work on heavily before she appears in my life again, I need my safe space to be my escape. I gave Kris the list, "May I read this out loud?" "Yeah, I'm just going back to my room for the night," I tell him. I was back in my room after all that, for the first time in all my life, I feel protected knowing that Kris, Kyungsoo, Kai, and possibly Luhan are going to be in my corner of my support system, and after thinking that I am safe, I cried so hard that the next day, I keep finding myself next to Kris. Shoot, I don't have my makeup on, let alone my eyebrows being non-existiant so I got up to get ready to put on my makeup so no one would notice my bare face, I got so many scars from my younger days that I can't let anyone see those without being shamed for it. I was sitting at my vanity doing my priming step when I hear Kris getting up, "Why are we getting ready this early?" I hid my face, "I don't want anyone to see what is underneath all that makeup." "You were wearing makeup to hide something?" he asked, "Let me see before you apply anything on your face, it can't be that bad."

I ended up looking at him either way, he saw all the scars, burn marks, and one of my eyes are still in the process of healing from getting harmed so bad by this woman. He was shocked, "That was on your list, never force you to stop wearing makeup to hide away what is underneath. We will never, but using ghostly white as foundation? Is that really needed for all of this? You know all you could ask if you can get a lighter skin tone and I can get it for you." I was surprised that he is treating me like I am his sister, in which I am because I am growing up with 12 boys. I tell him, "It was the only way to get her away from me because she did all of this." "The woman that you won't name her at all, it means to us that something happened to you while you were growing up with that kind of human being," he said, "I wish one of us was there to save you from being a victim of that, I am so incredibly sorry for what happened." "Well, for one, thanks to her, I can no longer have kids," I tell him. At this point, I drew my eyebrows on when I hear Xiumin say, "What did she do to you?" I looked at him shocked, Kris calmed me, "Easy, this is not Suho, Xiumin is safe for you to say whatever."

I took a deep breath, this is overwhelming me no matter who listened I was getting trigger left and right, Xiumin sees this and immediately apologizes, "I am sorry I didn't mean to trigger you again." "It's alright, Xiumin," I tell him, he corrects me, "It's Minseok if you need my support alright?" I nodded, he looks a little closer, making direct eye contact with me just to see on how broken I am inside, Kris tells me, "Kimberly, I am sorry for doing this to you, but he can actually help you with all that mess underneath, so I took a photo only for him to see." "Kris?!" I panicked said, "Why, he is going to probably tell on the others to make fun of me even more." "Why would they or better question why would I ever do that to you?" asked Minseok, "You can trust me with all of your heart." "Even my heart is bruised," I tell them, "I've been neglected so much that every time that I cry for help, she harms me even more to show emotion of me trying to get help from strangers, she never liked me, she hated me always needing my father. She lied in front of the judge saying that my father was the one who did all of that just to torment me even more, now with him out of the picture, she won, and even worse things begin to happen. Nothing seems to make her happy enough, I was never doing things she wanted. I was never enough for her." "This woman, if you saw her again, what would happen?" asked Kris.

I immediately got up out of instinct, fear was showing through, "You did not break her out of prison, did you?" "Wait, he said IF," Minseok reassured me, "It's not like she got bailed out of prison." "You don't know her background, she wanted me to be like her at the age 5, the kind that sleeps with a lot of men?" I asked them if they can figure out what kind of horrible person she was. They eventually got it when I explained to them, "All of her boyfriends would not only ignore her, but they try to leave with me for how she would make me watch it all. They berated her for doing everything that was wrong, one of her boyfriends was a police officer, he didn't even care that I was there. But there was one that never left contact with me and only me, and that was a librarian who never wanted to do anything with her, all but one left her, they all kept in contact with me. I still have their numbers minus the officers number."

They got the picture, "All but one, that should be a very dead giveaway on what she was doing to you." "Oh she noticed that is why she immediately dumps and accuses me of stealing them from her because they want to take care of me instead of wanting to sleep with her," I said to them, "After all of them successfully took me away from her, she only made things worse by saying even if she lost, she is still going to make sure that I don't leave and she locked me in the basement until I learned my lesson." "Who got you out of there?" asked Minseok, "We are only asking so you can freely tell us on your own time, but if you ready enough to tell us, grab one of us and we will listen." "Which is your lucky day, it's only the EXO M members staying behind so you got nothing to worry about," said Kris, "You can fully trust Chen, myself, Xiumin, Lay, and Luhan, Tao is getting there for you, but he is there to support you." I nodded knowing that Yixing would drop anything to be my shoulder to cry on, I got a call from one of her many boyfriends, the Librarian was calling me, I picked up, "Hello Jeremy." "Let's skip the introductions but all of us are here to wanting to speak to you about a certain someone," said Jeremy. I put him on speaker, "I got a question for you all, do some of you know Korean?" "A little," they all say.

I told them that I joined a group that can help me through this mess that I am stuck under, Kris said in English, "I can fully speak English, I don't know about Minseok." "Oh, so you can translate for Minseok," I tell him. Minseok said, "I can listen you know." "Anyways, I was actually telling them how caring you guys were with me while being with someone like her," I said to them, "So, I want to make sure that I know that you guys were actually try to get her out of her nature and be a motherly role model." "No, we did not say anything like that," said the doctor, "We all agreed that we were actually trying to distract her enough for one of us to capture you so you can get away from her." "Sadly, those did not last long, she would always come back for only me," I said, "Did I tell you all that she accused me of stealing you guys?" "I'm sorry, she did not accuse you for HER OWN doings?" asked Jeremy, "You have got to be kidding me, she really did all of that?" "I didn't say anything because she actually threatened to end my life if I didn't listen to her," I said to them, "What really saved my life was when I said that she was never my mother and I was adopted by you, Jeremy." "That is when she threw you in the basement and she went to check on you to only see me with you when you said it," said Jeremy.

[digitallyenabledartist]

TW: talk about my domestic violence.

When I was with my ex this was how it was. I loved him and just wished things would change, but I also can’t ignore the resentment that was growing that would lead to me looking at things more intellectually VS how I felt towards him. For awhile I think my emotions tried to be “logical”. Like, oh, what if this is my fault? What if I could be better? Maybe I’m wrong? My emotions didn’t want things to be wrong. But there I was getting chased around the apartment and spanked even though I requested for him to stop. I’d be called a whiner and everything would just be some sick game where I couldn’t say when for it to stop. If I started defending myself or showing strength I’d feel bad if I hurt them, but they hardly ever felt bad. There is such a huge disconnect even now writing this VS having been in that situation. I know what was happening was violence and I know it felt awful, but I can’t think of that feeling anymore. It doesn’t feel as bad as I write it down to be - at least going back for those moments. I remember crying in the bathroom, in my car, in the bedroom. I remember yelling and then the silence and ease afterwards. It was terrible and I was going crazy. Nothing was right in the world. I was talking to my therapist about domestic violence and how things were with my now ex. She told me it would just get worse. I believed her, and it scared me. I was trying to find ways out, but I had become debilitated mentally because I was having panic attacks everyday and would have to sleep a lot so that a few of them wouldn’t happen. I could no longer work. I went to a 2 week partial where they also didn’t listen to me and tried to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder, when in reality I was reliving old trauma as well as this new trauma that was going on. I was having panic attacks everyday and they, just as much as my ex, disrespected my boundaries and didn’t listen to me. I was trying to get help with food stamps and the like and had started the process of trying to get disability as I felt awful generally speaking because I who would work so hard to be good, lost that. I lost my car that I worked so hard to have and loved ever so dearly and I lost my freedom. I’d dissociate very often and my vision would go blurry, so I had to surrender my car because it wasn’t safe for me to drive anymore. I was a hazard. I tried to be useful in other ways around the house even though I was consistently exhausted. I would make him lunches for work and one day I was too tired to do that after having a panic attack trying to get help with SNAP. He started pushing and shoving me to get out of bed and I was scared.

“After everything I’ve done for you, and you can’t even make me a sandwich!” He yelled at me. Meanwhile, he forgot about me always being the one to do things around the house to keep it clean. Yes, he helped a lot financially, but when I was working I also made sure we had nice things. I had done many great things and it’s like he had forgotten all about that and totally disregarded the fact I was struggling. One thing I knew for certain though at that moment was that my therapist was right. I stayed in bed as still as I could until I heard him leave. I waited a few more minutes after to just be positive he was gone. In one night I moved out with a majority of my things and took it to my friends place who was luckily not far away. I had my sister and another friend help me move everything so that at the end of the work shift, I wasn’t home and a lot of things would be gone. I blocked him so he couldn’t get a hold of me. I wish I could’ve seen his face when he saw a lot of things just… gone.

Im still healing from this. I still can’t fathom that it happened. I think I just want to forget. It’s been 2 years now and I still can’t drive because of dissociation. I still have depression. My PTSD is still here. Im on disability though and I have such an adorable son (not my exs) who I love dearly. I also have an amazing partner who supports me and my endeavors while being understanding of my disabilities. Im transitioning into the person I want to be/already was and slowly building myself back up mentally to a place where I felt like the tallest person in a room despite being 5”5.

The place I was in I was in for 2 years and it did too much damage. I hope this may be helpful to somebody else who is going through similar to know that they’re not alone. They’re not crazy. I want them to know that things will NEVER get better no matter how hard they wish upon a pretty little star. No matter how much they sacrifice of themself. It is not love if you have to give up who you are. If you can’t hang out with friends out of fear of your partner getting jealous. It’s not love if you can’t voice your opinion or feelings without them scoffing at you or saying something along the lines of “Why do I always have to come home and deal with your bull shit!”. You are worthy of so so much more then that and you got too much to offer to this world to let somebody who doesn’t know what love is try to break you for their own entertainment. There is help and things can get better. I will always be a source for men or women or anything in between to come to if they find themselves in similar… Even if they don’t know it yet. Your story doesn’t end here.

The quote is from:

Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963″

#domestic violene #bad relationships #toxic relationship #dv survivor #ptsd #complex ptsd #major depressive disorder #anxiety #flashback #mental health #mens mental health #womens mental health #therapy #therapeutic #journal #my story #growth #panic attack

[rommahh]

{this show was off the walls. He looked so good. And the energy was just??}

You stood uncomfortably at your flights gate with Harry. After being with Harry for five shows, your anxiety had reached a peak leaving you to be faced with one of your worst panic attacks before the St. Louis show. Harry didn’t want you to feel so much mental pressure so he suggested that you go home, he even bought you a ticket without consulting with you.

Your shoulders were tense as you stood rigid next to Harry. You were beyond upset and sad. You felt like a burden who being sent away to make everyone else feel better.

“Love, it will be ok. I’ll see you in two weeks for the Nashville show.” Harry comments watching your face scrunch up withholding the tears. “I just want you to see your therapist for a few days.”

“I don’t wanna go. It was one panic attack. Ive done fine every other night and on the bus.” You huff not making eye contact with Harry. “You’re just sending me away.”

Harry feels his heart break in two. “That’s not-“

“We are now welcoming our first class passengers.” He was cut off by the attendant. You grab your duffle on the ground, opening your phone to the electronic ticket. You moved to get in the line but Harry was quick to grab your arm to stop you. You couldn’t stop the tears from welling in your eyes at the look of hurt on his face.

“You’re not even gonna say goodbye?” He whispers.

“Why should I? You said it for me when you purchased the ticket without even talking to me about it. I’ll call you when I land, I love you and goodbye.” You snatched your arm away, rushing to the slowly growing line of passengers.

Harry watched in defeat as you trudged onto the bridge that boarded onto the plane. You felt those traitorous tears push past the surface, your feet feeling like they were dragging behind you- wanting you to go back to your heart.

The entire flight home was painful. All hours spent on the flight looking lifelessly out of the window. Harry put you in first class but none of the comfortable perks could make you happy.

It was weird to walk back into your home with no one there walking in with you or even waiting for you. The house was dark and quiet and you felt scared to even be in the stupid beach side mansion all alone. Times like this made you regret moving in with Harry. This house only felt like home when he was there, any other time felt like your own personal solitary confinement.

Hey lovie, hope you’re flight went well. Having groceries delivered to the house for you. I love you and miss you. Xxx H.

You scoffed. That anger from before bubbling within you. He misses you? You left him on read, the pettiness easing the anger.

Harry’s eyebrows shot up at the small read notification under his sent message. He waited a few moments thinking maybe you just forgot to press send. Minutes turned to hours and hours turned into the next day.

You sat at the dining room table watching the waves eat up the sand and pull granules away at a time. Your laptop sat in front of you after you finished a telehealth therapy appointment. A ring sounded from the laptop signaling that someone was FaceTiming you.

Harry’s icon popped up in the corner of the screen. You hesitated before answering. You couldn’t bare to look at yourself in the camera knowing you looked a mess. Your eyes swollen from the sobbing during therapy. Harry thought you looked beautiful nonetheless.

“Good morning baby.” He broke the silence.

“Hi.” Was all you could muster. This wasn’t the two of you. You both would normally fill a space with sound and giggles and now it was just silence.

“How did you sleep?” He asks. He looked as disheveled as you. Hair messy, face red and puffy.

“Fine.” You didn’t look at him, playing with the frayed edges of your Live on Tour hoodie. Harry huffed in frustration.

“Is this how it will be from now on?” He snapped. Your head snapped up out of shock.

“You’re getting at me like somethings my fault!” You snapped back.

“Well, we didn’t leave on the right foot.”

“You sent me away!” You retaliate.

“No, I did not. You had a panic attack before I went on stage. I had to come on stage late because I was consoling you.”

You flinched at his comment and tone of voice.

“So it’s my fault? I can’t control the panic attacks. It wasn’t like I conjured one up for attention.” His lack of response broke you. “Really?”

“No, I don’t think you did it for attention but it’s a lot Y/N. I want to take you on tour with me but it’s a lot for me and you know it’s a lot for you.” He tries. His words hurt though. You’ve felt like a burden your entire life and to feel that way because of the love of your life hurts even more.

“Ok. Um, I have to go.” You choke out. Harry shakes his head, the weight of his words catching up with you.

“I didn’t mean it in that way. I love you and I only want to protect you.”

“Yeah, protect me by sending me away when things get tough. I’m sorry for being a burden Harry.” You hang up before he could get the last word in.

Harry sat on his hotel bed shocked. He doesn’t know how things escalated the way they did. He made her feel like a burden. His body racks with sobs as he thinks of how his love must be feeling.

The day of Harry’s Philly show you felt uneasy. You didn’t like not being with Harry. You got so used to your preshow rituals with him. It hurt to be left out after being so involved.

Harry felt the same way. His regret evident in the way that he couldn’t stop blowing up your phone with short apologies and messages. He woke up alone in the hotel room on the day of a show feeling like utter crap.

His stomach was in knots and his heart couldn’t stop pounding. Normally before a show you both would share a light meal and have small discussions about nothing. You both would take silly selfies together or watch tiktoks. But now it was just Harry.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, impulsively clicking your contact to face time.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up…” He mutters. He lets out a sigh of relief when your face reveals.

“Hi, Harry.” You murmur, your face squished into a pillow, his pillow because it smells good.

“Hi-hi baby.” He stutters fidgeting in his seat.

“What do you need?”

“I need you. You’re not a burden. I want you here, not there but here. I have a show in a few hours and all I can think about is how you’re not here with me.” He cries. You sit up in the bed, tearing up watching your boyfriend cry. His shoulders shook with the sobs that wracked through his chest.

“Harry, please breathe. Your gonna hurt yourself.” You try to calm him down but can tell it’s not working.

“Come back.” He whimpers.

“I-I think I’m going to stay home until Nashville. We both need a breather from each other and I know I need to see my psychiatrist and probably get some new anxiety medication. Which will take the two weeks to kick in you know?” You reason. Harry wiped his face of tears nodding understandingly.

“Ok. I miss you though. I fucked up horribly by making you feel less than. I know you’re not a burden and I’d do anything for you. The stress of tour is starting to weigh on me and I took it out in you when I shouldnt have. I also thought I was keeping you safe by sending you home, but I shouldn’t have done that. Because we are a team, I shouldn’t be making choices for you.”

“Thank you for apologizing. I understand why you did what you did. You were trying to protect me, I know. I love you Bubby.” Harry felt his world come back together at the nickname, a signal that you two would be alright. “You have a show in like three hours, you need to get ready. Eat some food, drink water please, and I’ll go and scroll through TikTok and send you all of my faves ok?”

“Ok. Thank you for being everything to me. I couldn’t do what I do today if I didn’t have you in my life.” Harry’s sincerity made your heart swell.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We will be alright. Now go!” You urged him to hang up the phone. He gave you one last smile before hanging up.

Watching Harry through some Instagram live wasn’t what you had planned for but it felt good to see him. He even wore the outfit you picked out with Harry lambert, the blue and pink paying homage to fine line. You’re heart gushes when he tells the crowd that he’s feeling really happy.

The next day you have another therapy appointment with your regular therapist, you even phone in Harry to join the call. You felt warm on the inside as your therapist reassured that you and Harry’s relationship was on the right path. She even said that you and Harry were meant to be together.

She didn’t have to tell Harry that for him to already know that information. I mean he had the ring sitting in his pocket to prove it.

#harry styles angst #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles love on tour #hslot #harry styles fic #harry styles

[whiskehorange]

Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you but I’ve been feeling down lately and I really enjoy reading ur blog. Is it ok if you do Jason, micheal, bubba Thomas, Brahms ,pyramid head, asa and Harry warden if possible with an S/O who’s usually happy and willing and all of a sudden she breaks down one day bawling on the couch or something and she didn’t know they were there, not wanting to make them upset or sad? Sorry if it’s really sad, I just need a lil love, I love u and ur blog! Thank you! Take your time and drinks lots of water!

Jason

Uhm, excuse me bitch what in the fuck is going on? You gave you the right to scare the shit out of Jason like that?

When he first came home the weeping made him freeze. He was positive it wasn’t you, he had never even seen you frown before so this absolutely cannot be your crying. Yet, as he walked in to see you whip around, tears streaming down your face as you look at him in pure shock you almost send him falling backwards

He doesn’t even care what made you cry of feel this way he’s going to be up your ass the entire day. Coddling, kissing, rubbing, and doing any and all for of comforting that he knows how to do

Jason absolutely hates seeing you cry, especially as hard as you did. You’re more than welcome to talk to him about it for as long as you want whenever you want and all he will do is listen and comfort you

Jason is a very physically affectionate man, even though he is a bit hesitant at first, so when you feel yourself in a time like this, you bess’ believe that he’s going to be around you 24/7. Even a few days after that, he needs to be your therapist (which he’s real good at)

Michael

You won’t be able to see it, but Michael is panicking and sweating bullets underneath that mask. It’s an immediate fight or fight response

Michael, overall, isn’t too good with handling other peoples emotions, so don’t be surprised when he doesn’t come to you right away for any sort of comfort in those "typically ways"

Hugging, coddling, cuddling, and any typeof caressing is going to come later in the day when things have begun to quiet down. Not only is he completely unused to having to comfort you in anyway like this, but he's pretty pissed at whatever made you come to this point

The main thing Michael wants you to do is to talk to him, tell him what's wrong so that he knows just how to handle the situation: either to kill or to... not know what to do

It's very safe to say that he will get better with knowing how to comfort you if this does ever happen again, which he really hopes it won't.

Bubba

There is a lot that can make Bubba cry, at this is one of the times he wasn't expecting to. Everyday, no matter how hard it was for him, he knew he could count on your cheery face to great him when he comes running back inside

His first reaction is to panic; he's never been put in this sort of situation before with you and he really doesn't know how to approach you. He sort of just sits awkwardly next to you and whines

Comfort does eventually find your way with pets and hugs, there aren't really any verbal affirmations he can give you, but for what he lacks in communication he can make up with physical affection one way or another

A downside to Bubba, however, is that he almost has an out-of-sight-out-of-mind personality realistically. So don't get too upset if when you have some space from him that same day that he'll sort of forget you've been upset

In that case, be prepared for the exact same meltdown when he figures out how upset you've been for the second time

Thomas

Thomas' defense mode in immediately activated. Never would he have thought that he would have to be on the comforting side so you'll have to give him a minute, but it really isn't even that long

He's gentle and patient, he knows what its like to feel such extreme motions and most of all that they are pretty hard to get out, so take your time and he'll be here with you until you're back up on your feet. Literally

To say you scared him would be an understatement, but he pushes that aside to genuinely make sure that you are not physically hurt, because if that was the case whoever did it should be the one scared

Instead, Thomas has somewhere quiet for you to go with him, the least he would want is for Hoyt to complain about such "loud" crying in the house. It's better for him to give out physically comforting, too!

His go to's are hugs and petting/caressing, it's what he would want. It's comforting to say the least, but the fact that you can't even breath right doesn't go down well when he's crushing your spinal cord in a bear hug

Braham

However oblivious, he's oddly able to tell that you're acting different before you even get the chance to melt down. From all of the time spent watching you from within the walls, you can say that he knows you like the back of his hand

Brahms has absolutely no clue how to address you. Of course he's fended for himself for a long time but any sort of emotional help is foreign to him

He'll come around, of course, the moment that you do breakdown he's by your side and he's ready to do just about anything you tell him to do but he's on edge

However, the sort of comfort you will get from him will be physical, it's the best way he can quickly show any form of care for you that he thinks will work. Brahms absolutely hates seeing you this way because he want to be able to fix the problem and he just doesn't know how

He insists that you tell him whats wrong as he holds you, curled up, in his lap. Gently caressing your head and face as he listens to your soft cries and explanation. It's the best he can do for you and he knows that that he'll have to pay close attention to when you baby him next, that way he's prepared for whenever this might happen next

Pyramid Head

What the fuck even? Pyramid Head isn't going to catch on too soon, but the moment he hears your cries from anywhere he is by your side immediately

He hates it the most out everyone on this list, and I mean that heavily. Not only does he go on rampages because he doesn't know what's wrong, but it pisses him off to no end that he doesn't know how to handle it

Pyramid Head wants so bad to be able to comfort you and understand what's made you this upset that he can come across as a little overbearing, but mainly clingy. He doesn't leave your side well after you've stopped crying and makes sure to keep an eye on you from now on so that he can possibly be there before this happens again

While he isn't able to properly communicate to you, a lot of his body language displays signs of uncomforted alongside you. Just about any emotion you feel he absorbs and feels it right with you, mainly because its his way of showing you that you're not alone and he's here to spend this time with you

Just please don't ever do that again it's so stressful he likes seeing you bubbly not sad omfg-

Asa

Asa is the most unreadable, really. He's able to keep his composure the entire time as you bawl your eyes out before him, but inside he's shaking up a little. He doesn't like seeing you upset whens it's not for play of course, so it comes as a bit of a surprise for even him

He's a little hesitant to comfort you because he is surprised, but is also just one of the most distant when it comes to comfort in this way, While being used to your much brighter personality, eventually he'll get better at it for for the time being, you don't have to deal with much of him

There is some physical reassurance, so you're not completely neglected, but Asa does have other things to do. He gently takes you in his arms and leads you up to the bedroom where he lays you down, caressing your head and covering you up

He'll leave to get you water or a drink and some other small things like your phone or a small snack if you haven't eaten, but mostly your phone so that you can call or text him if you need him. From there he'll shut the lights iff and let you get a bit of sleep

Asa stays in the house and cancels any outside plans for the day and makes sure that his phone's ringer is on at all times. By the time you call him for something he'll be up to your room before the ringtone even ends

Harry

Harry is most definitely clueless and will feel like he's going to cry right alongside you. Harry is not good at handling his own emotions let alone yours

He adored being around your bright and shining face everyday, it was something that could regulate his own and he clung to you like a moth to a lamp. So, you can only image the confusion and terror Harry experiences when he comes home to you the complete opposite

It's a very frantic sort of comfort that he gives you, moving from one thing to another to try to figure out what's wrong and what do to. It's really almost as if Harry feels your emotions stronger than you do, but he wants to do everything in his power to fix you

He comes home extra aware in the future, always prepared to be there by your side in hopes to deal with your feelings better, but he still doesn't like it at all. He goes out of his way to do more things around the house of for you in general to lessen up any stress, even if there was none in the first place

#jason voorhees x reader #michael myers x reader #bubba sawyer x reader #thomas hewitt x reader #leatherface x reader #brahms heelshire x reader #pyramid head x reader #asa emory x reader #the collector x reader #harry warden x reader #slasher x reader