#and when I go to the councilor we can call it therapy for them

[uh-vkt]

Man I can’t wait when I get my plushies we will cause chaos where ever we go

#why do I have to wait 3 more days to get sun and moon plushies :( #omg we can do fake vlogs together or maybe draw #and throw glitter glue at people #and when I go to the councilor we can call it therapy for them #sorry I’m just SO EXCITEDDDDD #and we can have a little club of plushies and they can meet fizz omg #random cards

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 127

Annnnd a-one, and a-two, and a queue-queue-queue!

This chapter has one of my favorite things in the world to write - Interpersonal relationships (if you are surprised, I’m going to assume you are new here....).

Specifically, one of my biggest pet-peeves is when friends or siblings are written in a way that shows that the author doesn’t actually have any friends or siblings they are close enough to that all rules of societal politeness go whizzing into some far-off dimension as soon as they are in proximity.

When I get to write a chapter with such close friends/ersatz-siblings and also have @baelpenrose cackling and egging me on, it literally makes my whole day.

P.S: If anyone has wondered about the ages of the characters, several are clearly lined out in this chapter......

EDIT: Fixed some insane formatting issues.

“The food festival, Sophia? Really?” an incredulous voice asked before the door to my office even opened all the way.

I resisted the urge to scream, but did surrender to pinching the bridge of my nose and breathing slowly. “Hello, Arthur. Do come in. Long time no see.  Of course I’m not busy…” My one day each week to have a few hours to myself - no mentees, no assistant, even Tyche was off work….

“We saw each other last night when I came over for dinner after sparring with Conor, and  you’re never busy on Saturdays, Alistair makes sure of it.” He dragged a chair in front of my desk for what I felt was the sole purpose of putting his boots on my desk instead of the conference table.

“I thought you two didn’t even like each other, how did you - “

He waved a hand dismissively. “Enemy of my best friend’s enemy is my friend, that sort of thing. Anyway - “

“Did you just call me my own worst - “

“You are, let’s not pretend otherwise. Anyway.” Arthur arched an eyebrow at me and waited for any further objections, but I couldn’t think of any. “The Food Festival. It’s my one favorite tradition on this ship until armed combat becomes a spectator sport, and you are putting Parvati and Hannah in charge of it?”

After a beat pause to make sure he was done, I glared at him. “Everyone has asked me that, and I don’t understand the issue.  They’ve both helped in the past, even before they started training to replace me.  I’ve handed more and more off to them each time, and they did great! Plus, they have three months, it will be fi - Wait, why do you even care, Arthur?”

He held up one finger with the authority of a deity who would have smited me if he could. “One, Parvati Fletcher does not like mapo tofu. You do. Specifically, you like it from that one vendor who grows her own Sichuan peppercorns and uses them like they are an infinite resource. Two, I spend entirely too much time working with Zach Khan, and he won’t shut up about how stressed Hannah is. Three - “ I was seriously starting to get concerned he actually could smite me at this point - “As much as I love you in the most platonic way possible, you are an obsessive, compulsive perfectionist who insists on doing everything herself and running herself into the ground so that everyone else has the time of their lives. So why are you trusting this, the largest and oldest event on the Ark, entirely to other people?” Dropping his boots from the desk, he leaned forward, palms down until we were nearly nose to nose.

“Sophia Reid, I swear on any god I can kill if you are dying…”

“WHAT!?” I squawked, jerking back and standing so fast I knocked my chair over. “For the love of little fish, I’m not dying! I haven’t had a near death experience in four years, thank you.”

“Three, not counting the fact that there is a reason Alistair makes you drink anything through a straw anymore.”

“How did - Nevermind.” I shook my head and tried to focus on the topic at hand. “No, I’m not dying. Nor am I injured, having a midlife crisis, rethinking my life choices any more than I ever do, or so much as in possession of a stuffy nose.” Taking a deep breath, I rolled my eyes and started counting off before I could stop myself. “Conor and Maverick and I are fine. No, I’m not arguing with Tyche again. Yes, I’m still going to therapy. Else is fine. No new sentient plagues or rogue cult leaders that I’m aware of. Nor have I become immortal, queen of the universe, savior of humanity, pregnant by Noah, or possessed.” Carefully, I picked my chair back up and sat down.

“Good...to… know?” He gave me a funny look. “Who asked the most disturbing one?”

“Immortal or Savior of Humanity?” I asked for clarification. “Those were Maverick and Derek, respectively.”

The look only got worse. “I meant ‘pregnant by Noah’, but fascinating to see where your priorities lie….?”

“Oh. That was Charly.”

“Dammit,” he swore softly. “I had her pegged for ‘possessed’.”

“I’m pretty sure she is, but the suggestion that I am came from Tyche, on no fewer than 3 occasions, by 4 different entities. She seemed pretty hopeful that Else was potentially mind-controlling me in an effort to make me take a nap,” I admitted.

“That tracks.” A nod of approval prefaced the question I had been avoiding - successfully, thus far, I might add. “Now that you’ve ruled out every possible plausible reason that you would entrust this to literally anyone other than a clone of yourself, why?”

“Why what?” My face was composed in an expression of innocence so convincing that I probably deserved an Oscar.

“I can and will convince Charly to turn all your coffee to decaf, so help me, Sophia.”

Realizing that he was, legitimately, worried about me and at the limits of his usually-impressive patience, I held up my hands in surrender. “Fine. You get the scoop.  Please record this and send me the loop, so I can just flick it at people who ask, please?” When he nodded, I exhaled slowly.  “It is no secret to anyone that I never wanted this job. I made the mistake of establishing the Food Festival, which as you point out is the largest event of the cycle on the Ark - the last three years, literally everyone attended in some capacity.” When he opened his mouth to argue, I held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t get me wrong. I love the Festival. What basically started out as a potluck because we were homesick and needed to meet - you know, the rest of humanity - is a huge, three day holiday.  It’s amazing!” I spun in my chair, arms flung wide for emphasis, before stopping to face him. 

“It also consumes my life, for months, to prepare for.  And that’s just implementing changes to make it more accessible so people don’t miss out! That doesn’t include adding things to make it more interesting or keep it from getting boring, or whatever. I literally don’t have time to do any of that!”

“So, you’re inflicting this on them instead?”

“Inflicting?” I snorted.  “Hardly. This is their final exam, their capstone project, their dissertation.  If they pull this off, I will gladly hand the entire office over to whoever is elected, cheerfully and knowing the Ark is in good hands.  But, they have to pull this off.  It’s the only major part of being Councilor of Resources and Relations that they haven’t done yet by themselves.”

He rubbed his face, looking somewhat impressed. “That’s honestly not what I was expecting.”

“I don’t think it ever is, honestly.” I shrugged at the question he glanced towards me. “For Evan, it was coordinating the weapons exhibitions.  Charly managed to pre-empt her own by designing more efficient aqueducts and filtration for when we reach Von - you know, the ones that also produce light?”

“Of course she would invent glow-in-the-dark plumbing. Who else?” Something caught up with him. “Evania Josue got away with planning an event? Seriously?”

“Oh, that’s right… you weren’t on Level One…” I murmured. When he only looked more confused, I clarified. “She was Maverick’s co-pilot when we needed people to pilot the Ark, which was not designed to pilot manually, via dead reckoning, using cameras pointed out the few viewports we have, for several weeks after the sensors were sabotaged.”

“She was whose co-pilot?”

“You really never heard this story? You practically live with seven people who were there…”

“Usually I get the bits about ‘Sophia nearly got her brains bashed out’ and ‘that traitorous bitch’, then start tuning out while I try to decide what it would take to get Charly to teach me necromancy… If Evan was the co-pilot, then why is Maverick….”

“Not in line to replace any Councilors? Arthur, we know that would be a disaster for him.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Your younger partner is a nice boy.”

“For fuck’s sake, he’s thirty seven!” I groaned.

“Nice man, whatever,” he waved off. “Which is exactly what I would like for you as a partner. You need nice partners, and blunt siblings. But I see what you mean about him being a Councilor… he’d be miserable.”

“What was yours?” I asked mischievously, dropping my chin onto my hands.

That earned me a flat stare, until he finally surrendered when I didn’t flinch. “The Twentieth/Early Twenty First History curriculum.”

“Seriously?” That had literally been the first thing he had done when Eino tapped him as a possible successor.

“I didn’t budge on points even he admitted he would have, out of fear of offending people.”

“Which is a fear you very much lack,” I pointed out.

“The truth is the truth. Coating it in sugar only makes it taste worse.” He shrugged nonchalantly before suddenly looking dangerously like he was thinking again. “There’s two of them.”

“Yes, Arthur. Hanna and Paravati are, in fact, two distinct and separate women-type-lady-people.”

“Thank you, Fee, I was well aware.” I suppressed a growl at the nickname - he knew I hated it. “I meant, only one can win the election, smartass.”

“Better to be a smartass than a dumbass,” I muttered.

“Sophia, you are forty five. Please grow up just a hair?”

“Tyche doesn’t want to be HR forever, you know.”

That brought his mind to a visibly screeching halt. “Wait, what?”

“What what?” I asked. “She does it because she is phenomenal at it, but it isn’t her passion.  She only stuck around as long as she did to make sure I didn’t trip over a chair and brain myself while I was at work.  When I’m gone, she’s gone, loser take the spoils.”

He whistled softly before shaking his head. “It’s bizarre to think of you two retiring around the same time I’m just starting the position.”

“I’ll have been a Councilor for a decade when I step down,” I pointed out.  I almost included unless I die first, but that never seemed to be as funny as I thought it was.

“But you aren’t that much older than me,” he sighed dramatically. “Anti-aging technology is frustrating.”

“Annnnd this is a natural extension of your career, with a ten year break thereabouts the middle.”  My grin was so bright it made him scowl before I finally got a begrudging smile.  “Think of it as getting elected head of the school board.”

The groan he let out probably echoed for several levels throughout the ship. I had basically just pointed out that he was becoming that which he most hated.

Or not. He seemed to recover with a gleam in his eye. “Pfft. Dean of Students, at the very least.”

<< Prev   Masterlist  Next >>

#the miys #humans are weird #found family #siblings #humans will pack bond with anything #aliens #post apocalyse #post post apocalypse #science fiction #original science fiction #haw #hfy

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

[jasontoddiefor]

HMM WATCHA SAAAAY Chapter 5

Kix was incredibly thankful that Master Che – Call me Vokara, Kix – had given him unrestrained access to the Halls of Healing. While it had been necessary for his research, learning more about physical therapy as a whole, it also came with the great bonus of access to the pills that made your mind clear up a little after crashing. It was supposed to be taken after long shifts, but Kix had gathered that it was usually given to anybody in a less fortunate state of mind that needed to get a clear head, such as Senior Padawans who had been out all night in the Lower levels and had a mission on the next day.

The last week had been hellish between accumulating whatever insights they could get from General Skywalker on his and trying to put together a physical therapy program for somebody who should be as healthy as a bantha. The fact that the Council had called upon them for the final report and Kix as the head researcher was supposed to lay out their findings was also not the highlight of this week.

“Medic Kix,” one of the Council members greeted him. “Master Che, Master Erin, Medic Coric, thank you for taking the time to present us your findings.”

Most Council members were off-world again already so the circle in front of him wasn’t particularly large. Kix wished that General Kenobi would be here at least, but he and the 212th had to be called back to battle. The 501st was to follow soon, but whether their General could come with them relied on Kix’s report. He had sworn not embellish anything, to pretend his General was better off than he appeared to be, but he was tempted to do so. He couldn’t help it, he didn’t want to go anywhere without knowing that his General had his back. He didn’t mind working with another Jedi, they were all equally kind and good, but they weren’t Anakin Skywalker.

And Kix would rather have Anakin, exhausted and terrified out of his mind, with him, than a stranger, no matter how kind.

“It is of no trouble, Master Jedi,” Kix replied.

This was another thing Kix had noticed during his stay at the temple. The Jedi refused to use military titles for themselves inside of it. They were Masters, Healers, Knights Padawans – but they were not Generals or Commanders. Kix and his brothers, of course, got addressed by their proper titles, spoken with honor and an edge of regret, but that was it.

“You have been taking care of Anakin from the beginning?” General Koon asked.

Kix liked Plo Koon. The Kel Door took good care of the men under his command and he was always ready to make sure Kix’s little Commander was in good fighting shape when she was in his care.

“Yes,” Kix replied. “Coric and I were the ones who oversaw the General’s transport back to the ship and then consequently watched over him for the week he was comatose.”

“Were the injuries he gained in the battle so severe?”

Kix shook his head. “No, not at all. It was an easy campaign all in all.”

“From my understanding of the events, as Kix elaborated them, Knight Skywalker experienced an immense shock when he was hit by the vision,” Vokara explained. “Consequently, he was disorientated and must have experienced sensory overload. His collapse was his body’s attempt at shutting him down to give himself time to deal with the onslaught of memories and unfamiliarity of his body.”

When they had attempted to figure out why muscle memory alone wasn’t keeping Anakin upright, Vokara had brought up pieces of Jedi philosophy so far unknown to Kix. Jedi viewed bodies as conduits of the Force. Only in a healthy body could rest a healthy mind and only a healthy mind could access the Force. It was the reason that Anakin’s one prosthetic was already viewed with so much heartbreak. Kix supposed it made everything that came after only worse.

“Can Skywalker be sent back with the 501st?” Master Koon continued, directly cutting to the most difficult part.

“Under normal circumstances, I’d say no. I don’t think he should ever actually handle combat at all again. While physically he will be back on top of his game within a few weeks, if not surpass it still, I cannot condone such an action when taking his mental health into account.”

While the Jedi all tried to keep a neutral expression, Kix had been trained to deal with the most stubborn no-I’m-not-injured-I-promise brothers and I-can-hold-off-an-army-on-my-own Jedi and he could easily spot when somebody was starting to slip. The Jedi were surprised, not at the latter aspect, it was clear as day that the General was far from possessing a healthy mind, they wondered about his strength.

“Councilors, if I may suggest, I believe it would be best if we started with our report now,” Kix inserted. “It will answer a lot of questions as to Master Skywalker’s precise condition.”

He wondered if he was already crossing lines, trying to make it all out to be better than it was just by taking their attention away from how the General was right now instead of how he could be, had been.

“Proceed you may,” Master Yoda said grimly.

Hearing how much stronger their enemy was, how he was luring them all towards their death, must have greatly disturbed the old Master. Kix thought of the old clones back on Kamino, those who hadn’t made it to the front lines and watched the Shinies instead. And he thought of the war veterans, those who had been on Geonosis. They all had the same look in their eyes when they assigned the should-be-still-cadets to the frontlines. The sadness for being responsible for the deaths of so many young lives, it was not easy to bear.

“Three months ago, in the aftermath of a campaign, Knight Anakin Skywalker collapsed,” Kix began to say, his eyes not even flickering to the text on the datapad he was holding. “He froze, then Force-pushed the nearest troopers away from him and lost consciousness. He had no visible injuries and was brought to the medbay for further examination. After twenty-four hours, he woke for the first time. He reacted with similar panic and it took multiple sedations as well as Master Obi-Wan Kenobi using a Force-suggestion to put him to sleep again. This manner continued for another five days.”

Those five days had been some of the worst Kix had to experience during the entire war so far. Coric and he had run themselves ragged to keep an eye on their General, never mind how exhausted Master Kenobi had been after staying awake for so long.

“He was catatonic when he woke up after this time period. Even while awake, he didn’t react to anything. He needed a breathing machine and we fed him intravenously. He snapped out of it after another three days…”

Kix trailed off. When they had discussed how they would present their findings, they had decided that Kix would speak of all events he had been there to witness with Vokara contributing the Jedi perspective. Bant and Coric didn’t actually need to be present for this, but they had all worked through this report together, they should do this together as well.

“As, at the time, no professional mind healer could make it to the 501st-“ Vokara’s voice was professionally cold, but after all these evenings spend in her office or apartment, Kix could hear the bitterness that was seeping into it. “Master Kenobi decided to take it upon himself to help Skywalker’s splintered mind. He was successful, though I believe that is largely due to the bond the two share and want it noted on Master Kenobi’s file that he is herby prohibited from attempting to do the same with any other Jedi. It could have backfired incredibly easily and then we would have lost two Jedi instead of one.”

The Council nodded in agreement and Vokara quickly swiped away their open report to replace it with her file on General Kenobi. She added a small note there, then changed the documents once more.

“When Master Skywalker finally properly woke up then, he was still confused and disorientated. It took a full day before he could breathe and speak on his own, both aftereffects of what he experienced in his vision,” Kix continued.

The General’s hoarse words had been difficult to understand. For one because it had felt like he hadn’t known how to string them together properly, on the other because of the low volume. The General was always loud which made it easy to spot him in a crowd. To hear him speak so silently was the first sign that something had been wrong.

“I have so far classified his experience as a new type of vision,” Vokara explained. “Our research on temporal physics is limited, I do not know if his claims of time travel are accurate, but it was certainly no normal vision. Not even Master Sifo-Dyas had experienced a vision as such. Skywalker has experienced twenty years’ worth of memories, hence his body being uncomfortable to him.”

“Forgive me my question,” Shaak Ti said. “But from the brief account Master Kenobi gave us, I had gathered that Skywalker was experiencing something more akin to body dysphoria than merely feeling uncomfortable.”

“That would be correct,” Vokara retorted and then sighed in defeat. “Or as correct as it can be. I will be honest, we are missing terminology to properly definite Skywalker’s condition. To put it simply, Skywalker is hardly used to having a body. From his account, and what we have gathered based on physical reactions, Skywalker spent twenty years with about 65% of his body having been replaced. In other words, only 35% of himself was still organic.”

“What!?” The hiss of one of the Councilors rang like an accusation through the room.

Horror, shock and nausea washed through the air so strongly that even Kix could feel it, be it though that he wasn’t even the slightest bit Force-sensitive. He understood their recoiling even without the pain that their understanding of life and the Force brought them. He half-expected the windows to crack under the might of their outrage, used to such displays from his General.

“He had lost both his legs as well as his remaining arm. It is the reason Master Skywalker spend the first days after his awakening in a wheelchair, though he refused to use it for long. He had to relearn how to walk. His fine-motor control is also still lacking slightly, his current prosthetic arm being the one he has the best handling of. His digestive system was also severely damaged and barely anything remained from his lungs. He was dependent on intravenous feeding and a breathing machine that he could manually override, but only at great cost to himself. Additionally, to his lungs, his vocal tract was also damaged to the degree that he needed a vocoder to speak.”

“And how did he sustain those injuries in his vision?” Master Koon asked. He had his hands laying folded on his lap. No movement betrayed him, but Kix distinctly got the impression that he was attempting to hold himself back from doing something rash.

“We aren’t entirely sure. Master Skywalker has been reluctant to share how exactly he came to be injured in such a way,” Kix stated. Reluctant was the most diplomatic way of describing how haunted General Skywalker had looked when Kix had just alluded to the topic. He hadn’t shut down, but the expression on his face, utter terror bathed in fear, had been enough. “The event must have been highly traumatic and evidence points towards him being burned alive, likely while he was completely conscious for it. He mentioned needed skin grafts on multiple occasions and is extremely uncomfortable around fire.”

Kix felt a little like he was betraying his General by sharing such information behind his back. Of course, Skywalker had been made aware that there would be an extensive report on his condition, but he likely thought it was just about his capability to return to the battlefield. The General didn’t seem to really consider that his mental health mattered as well. Kix was not one of the medics particularly schooled in psychiatry, Coric had started looking more into it and so he and Master Erin had been the one to draft a psychological profile on Skywalker, based on what they knew about his future-past.

They hadn’t gathered much yet, but that part of their report was about as pretty as the rest.

“And he lived with all those injuries for twenty years?” The hopeful disbelief, the want for it all to be a lie, was apparent.

Jedi were not in the habit of being in denial, speaking the harsh truths the senators seldom wanted to hear, but that didn’t mean that they wanted to accept it all.

“A little more, actually,” Kix was forced to admit. “I believe it was around twenty-five. He had made references to such years existing. The cause of his own death is unknown as well, though it was possibly the result of his failing health.”

“And, additionally, we have been led to believe that he spent most of those years being extensively tortured by the Sith Lord keeping him.”

“Master Kenobi had already mentioned so,” Plo Koon said.

Kix nodded slowly. He wished General Kenobi would be here now, listening to them give the report instead of reading it on his own onboard the Negotiator. The paper they had written was clinical, factual, but Kix had long since realized that there was a time and place for hard facts and gentle truths.

“I am aware, but Master Kenobi is not aware of the extent we believe this torture to have reached. Skywalker has mentioned Sith Lightning and apparently knows how to disperse it within the body instead of just bearing it and survive. This implies that he was exposed to it multiple times, likely not with the intention of killing him, and learned from those sessions.”

“How have you concluded all that?”

Kix and Vokara shared a look. Their report had already been all over the place, more a discussion than a systematic rundown of what looked like hell come alive.

“Perhaps, best we start at the beginning?” General Yoda spoke up.

The Master, though powerful he was, appeared so old now, almost frail like every gust of wind could swipe him away. And yet there was this determination in his eyes, the willingness and need to know what harm would come to them.

“That would be the easiest,” Vokara replied and began anew.

Kix had written this report, read it about a thousand times and repeated it to others as well. Its content was familiar to him, the words he knew by heart, and still, at times, he found himself caught off-guard. Worst was when Vokara, though she kept a distance to the topic at hand, would sometimes need to read a sentence twice. The two of them had seen gruesome injuries, Jedi and Brothers alike die of less than what General Skywalker had lived through.

Which was the precise reason why they needed to put him back on the battlefield.

“I am prejudiced in this,” Kix admitted freely, finally finishing. The sky had turned dark by now and he desperately needed to drink something. “I want my General at my back. However, there is also the matter that he survived all of this. I do not actually believe that we stop him from going out on his own should we attempt to keep him away from the fighting. He might even decide to face Sidious head-on, and we can’t allow that to happen.”

The Jedi looked troubled by his assessment and so Kix was not too surprised when they sent him and the other three out of the room to make their decision. Kix had done all he could at this point to protect his General.

He had done his job and fulfilled his duty.

Now he could only hope that it had been enough.

#star wars #clone trooper kix #vokara che #plo koon #jedi council #anakin skywalker #fanfic #medical trauma time travel AU #ask #anon #lmao you THINK im gonna make obi-wan go through the report when he's surrounded by people

[lunarspiral1127]

Hey, guys. I was gonna post my reaction/commentary/thoughts on the first episode on Falcon & The Winter Soldier, but I couldn’t because I had work early and I watched it with my friend the next day. But, I’ll be back to posting them for the rest of the episodes, and I’ll give my brief thoughts on episode 1 here, so *SPOILERS!*

- The beginning action scenes were really cool to see. I liked Sam in the MCU and I liked seeing him getting his own moments as the Falcon by himself. It shows that he’s a capable fighter, but even he struggles. But, he’s able to keep going and keep trying. My favourite part is when he suddenly shows up in the helicopter and is like “’Sup”. I don’t know why, but I found it pretty funny.

- I like the new costume and the new wings, because it closely resembles more of his comic book costume. With Redwing, I found it odd at first that it was a droid, when it was an actual falcon in the comics. But, I’d understand that having Redwing as a droid would make sense, because having a falcon would be risky to have in battle. At least, I think that’s what the reason is for the change. But, I still like Redwing.

- Seeing Sam’s family was cool. There’s some tension between him and his sister, which I hope things will work out between them. There’s this subplot in the episode of him trying to keep his family’s boat, which could continue later in future episodes.

- Flag Smashers. I’m curious, but I’m not sure what to make of them just yet. They seem to believe that it was better when the snap happened, but I don’t know why. However, considering how chaotic it was when everyone came back in Wandavision, and now people who’re gone for 5 years don’t even get any income and bank loans are even harder to get, maybe those are some of the reasons why? 

- Also, we know that they’re a terrorist group, and they have their own app??? Just to gain more followers and use them to cause commotions so that they can commit their crimes, I guess. But, the guy that this Torres character (the one that was with Sam at the beginning, who apparently takes the Falcon mantle in the comics when Sam was Captain America at the time) tried to stop....is he an enhanced? Like another super soldier-like being like Bucky or the 5 evil super soldiers that Hydra used to keep back in Civil War?

- Bucky is such an awkward guy, I don’t know why but I love it. And, he’s getting therapy, and trying to redeem himself from all the bad things he did as the Winter Soldier, which I liked seeing. The therapy scene was not what I expected though. Like this therapist comes off as tough, but maybe someone like that is needed? I don’t know. Don’t know why Bucky’s ignoring Sam’s calls. Like, I know that they butt heads, but Sam’s a councilor for Vets dealing with PTSD. He could be really helpful to him. Anyway, what hurts though is that he befriended an old man, which I thought was sweet. But, NOPE! He was the father of this guy from the Winter Soldier flashback that Bucky killed. That.....HUUUUUURRRRT!!! Like the moment the father talked about his son, and remembered the guy that Winter Soldier killed in the flashback, I put two and two together and was like “OH S**T! NOOOOOOO!” Also, that date was cute yet awkward at the same time. Had to leave in the middle of it to talk with the father, but he couldn’t do it. I don’t know how he’ll react to Bucky if he finds out the truth, but that’s gonna be something that I’ll dread if it happens.

- RHODEY! Good to see him, and I like that he and Sam are still friends. Especially since the events of Civil War.

- According to the wiki, this show takes place 6 months after Endgame, so this is between Wandavision and Far From Home.

- Steve. At first, I thought that he died and Sam’s going to his funeral, but for all we know, he could still be alive in this timeline or went back to his own. But, it seems that the world thinks that he’s dead. Anyway, it was actually going to give the shield to the museum to put on the Captain America display. I had a feeling that the show would play into Sam doubting himself on taking the Captain America mantle, but I feel like he deserves it. Steve gave Sam the shield for a reason, and that Sam is a good person. I know he’ll get the shield back, eventually, and in the end, he’ll become Captain America. But, considering what happens in the end, he shouldn’t have given up the shield, which leads to the next point.

- F***ING GOVERNMENT AGENCIES!!! They wanted Sam to give the shield up for a museum display, but that one guy just took it and gave it to their own Captain America?! First Hayward taking Vision’s body and wanting to use it for his own intentions, and now this other guy taking the shield and using it for his own intentions! So, this is how John Walker AKA US Agent is introduced into the MCU, and wow, they did a good job casting someone who has a smug, cocky face that make you wanna punch him. Okay, I can’t really judge the character just yet, because not a lot has been shown about him so far. But, I get the feeling that I’m gonna hate him, or hate him at first then feel sorry for him. Probably the former. But, still, WHAT THE HELL?! This is going against Steve’s wishes! Steve gave Sam the shield for a reason! I get why he gave it to the government, but he should’ve kept it! Plus, this would mean that they lied to Sam about what they wanted to do with the shield, but it doesn’t matter because it belongs to them now. This is some BS. >:( 

#falcon and the winter soldier #falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #disney+ #disney plus #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #sam wilson #bucky barnes #john walker #us agent #falcon

[dead-account-sadface]

this is a very long post and I've been proofreading a lot- but if I made any spelling or grammar mistakes I am sorry.

This is my personal ending to the ME3 trilogy, and this is meant to be a nice calm closure to my Shepard but I tried to make sure it can be inclusive to all Shepards if you like this ending or want to add to it! Because this is kinda designed as a 'happy ending' things might not seem as action packed to others.

I also thought about side things, what could be included if this was a game.

This is just something I thought about and I wanted to share. :)

I will be using they/them pronouns for Shepard to try to be more inclusive for your Shepard!

Context for my Shepard has it has influenced this ending- you can skip it if you want.

J. Shepard is a earthborn, sole survivor, Vanguard.

My sheaprd is full paragon for the most part- I can only remember picking like. 3 renegade options through out the entire series so she is mainly blue :)

Romanced Garrus in ME2/3

Saved the Rachni queen in ME1/3.

Saved Ashely in ME1.

Saved the Council.

Destroyed the Collector base and cut ties with Cerbrus. Rewrote the geth heretics.

Chose to kill the clone.

Got the Geth and the Quarians to work together.

Saved Wrex in ME1 and cured the genophage.

Felt extremely guilty over destroying the Alpha Relay.

Feels even worse about killing the Geth and EDI.

8000+ Glatic readiness, galaxy rebuilt and recovered quickly.

----

1-

The first breath we see Shepard take is soon followed by them briefly waking up. If they have a sole survivor background, they use what they learned on Azuke to set up an emergency signal from their omi tool before passing out. If they don't have that background then they remain unconscious.

No matter what though, Shepard is recovered by the STG, major Kirahee to be precise. (If he is not around, you are saved by an different unit.)

Due to the nature of the Citadel being taken, civilian forces were locked down and protected to avoid being hunted and turned into goo - after the war STG and Asari infiltration teams were sent to the Citadel to recover both living and dead. Shepard was considered a high priority to find dead or alive. Annnnddd they found them alive :)

2-

Earth and it's mass relay recovered quickly, and soon species headed back to their home systems to recover. STG/Salarian government offerd to take Shepard to one of their top private STG hospital on Sur'kesh that avoided the brunt of the reapers, after some convincing Shepard is sent there with some top Allience Medics and Dr. Chakwas. (if she survived)

The treatment they receive is top of the line, with funding from the Allience to ensure Shepard's survival.

Shepard's legs need to be amputated from being crushed under rubble, but the medics on site use some cell regrowth treatment mentioned in the memorial hospital in ME3. Shepard's implants from Cerbrus have become redundant, due to the blast. However, the reason Shepard could survive is that by the end their body naturally recovered over the months they were resurrected to where they are no longer needed. Implants are removed during recovery, physical therapy must be done when they recover, normal healing process. Ect. This process takes months at best, and Shepard is unconscious in a medically induced coma for the majority of it.

3-

Now the Normandy crew! The Jungle planet they crashed on was rich in resources, but there were issues for the dextro crew members in terms of rations. How high your GR was depends on how rough the Dextro crew had it. But they overcame it and fixed the Normandy. As soon as they left the planet's system they got the news about the state of the galaxy and Shepard's location to which they immidently plot the course to the STG facility.

4-

Shepard is still in a coma by the time they get there, and a majority of the crew do try to stay with Shepard during the recovery but later on the crew had to leave to their own planets to help their people. Only Liara, Dr. Chakwas, Joker and your LI remain by Shepard until they wake up. I personally like to imagine that while in the coma, Shepard has dreams like in 3 to do with the Leviathans.

5-

Shepard wakes up, with their LI by the end of their bed.

Soon after all those who stayed meet up with them.

They reunite and everyone is really happy :) no pain here :) but Shepard and the LI get in some conflict as Shepard is immediately trying to get back into the front lines with the Leviathans.

Shepard spills the beans and says why they picked destroy, it also weighs greatly on my Shepard- maybe not to others.

This links into why Shepard is hellbent on getting the Lethvians. In order to make those who sacrificed their lives not be in vain, the Leviathans must be destroyed before they can regain their power and indoctrinate the galaxy. Only once they are destroyed will peace finally be achieved.

LI finally gets on board and they are like; sigh. Damn OK but after this you are retiring.

Most of the remaning crew understands why Shepard picked destroy, but Joker does not and he gets unbelievably angry he leaves the Normandy as their pilot (temporarily) as soon as they dock to the Citadel. Shepard understands why he is angry and lets him go.

6-

Shepard and pals go to the council and ask for their aid- but this time Shepard gives them the extended brief on the Leviathans and that they want a way to destroy them.

The council agrees without much convincing due to Shepard saving them.

They come up with a plan to nuke the Leviathans' homeworld- they destroy the mass relay but they do it with a much, much more powerful bomb that wipes out the entire cluster, not just the system. The next cluter's Mass Relay is a little damaged from it... but nothing that can't be fixed.  Its a very top secret plan. And boom! Leviathans gone.

7. Shepard doesn't actually retire just yet, they are offered to be the human councilor but they reject it. Wanting to remain a specter. Offer is then extended to Admiral Hackett- he accepts it. Shepard becomes a advisor to the council at Hackett's request - but she is also promoted to the head of the Allience Fleet. Shepard then spends the remainder of their their with the Normandy and their crew, doing top missions for the allience as well as specter work. They do all the decision making for the Allience in the War Room and it's where they are seen most.

8-

At some point after they destroyed the Leviathans and between getting promoted- sheaprd has two options that can have two different outcomes. These are the the 'major' choices for the game.

1-

The Asari are facing discrimination for hiding the prothen AI even during the war.

If you choose paragon actions to vouche for the Asari- they will not be rejected as a whole but they have lost that superior image they always had. The Asari counciler will owe you a favour if you choose this action.

If you choose renegade actions, the asari will be pushed deeper into discrimination, loosing their council seat, not get hired and get fired from jobs outside of Asari space- becoming a 'fallen angel' of sorts. This leads to a lot of political unrest.

2

There's also a scene with joker, much like the quest in ME1 with the Turian General and the Consort, drinking away his grief for EDI. If you choose paragon actions, Joker feels better and understands why you had to chose destroy. He rejoins the Normandy as a pilot. (This might need a high charm check and for you to always be civil with him.)

Or you can use renegade options, where he rejoins the Allience as a pilot but he refused to return to the Normandy due to Shepard's cold attitude towards EDIs death.

9. And then once peace is achieved at last, Shepard retires to a tropical place with Garrus and live of the royalties from the vids. Adopt some krogan kids and teach them how to shoot. :D Happy ending!

The ending can change to who you romanced and what you talked about in your game :)

Other things that might happen/ 'side quests':

Major thing: you and all your crewmates from ME1-3 are now considered Reaper and Leviathans experts- if there are any issues with reapers all team mates are called for council when there needs to be a meeting involving reapers. Not everyone can join if there needs to be a physical presence, but you can often have meetings with them when needed in the com room.

1. Cerbrus gets fully destroyed- due to a majority of the troops being husks, they got killed during the blast. Those who were indoctrinated were sent to a galaxy wide rehab that focuses on helping all who were under the reapers' control.

2. All the races in the galaxy who united were offered council seats and the galaxy are 'permentaly united'.

3. There's a follow up 'joke quest', it's like the Citadel DLC but with a bigger focus on the clone. It is taken seriously when it needs to be but there is clone banter. If Miranda is alive, she can help you. If not but Brooks stays alive, you find her in the cloning facility you travel to. You force her to help.

This quest acts as closure for Shepard to how they were made, and they come out happy in who they are. But depending on if you killed or spared the clone, you can have different reactions to the facility and what to do with it. (Paragon salvaging the facility for medical purposes, renegade to flat out destroy it to ensure you're the "only" Shepard remaning.)

4. Political debate to make all VI illegal like AI, to reduce the risk of sentient machines- you can influence this with paragon and renegade options? This links into the Quarians being split from reviving the geth or keeping them dead. There's a lot on unrest towards technology, half the galaxy opting to a return to manual labour permently (mainly civilians) and others wanting to keep advanced technology. (military and government officials)

5. Military unrest from separatist groups, as a specter/head of allience you do a series of quests for species and reunite with your cremates (ie. Garrus for the Turians, Tail for the Quarians, Von Barla for the Volus, ect.)

6. Specter missions for Shepard to Solo, access to Pinnical Station again as apart of physical therapy/rehab back into the millitary.

7. The keeper scanning quest you do in ME1 makes a comback, with what you got the salarian you helped makes an offer to study the keepers further. He thinks about removing the keepers and replace them with matience workers to keep the Citadel running. You can choose to back this idea or reject it.

8. Companions

James becomes an N7. Javik, after defeating the Leviathans, goes to the graves of his soilders and joins them. Tail officially becomes an Admiral. Wrex and Eve lead the Krogan to the glory of the olden days. Garrus is chosen to acend in the turian line of power and he's not too keen on it- even more so if he's being romanced by Sheaprd. Mordin and Legion get respecting statues in the Krogan and Quarian homeworlds respectfully. Anderson gets a special statue where he went up the beam to the Citadel, too.

9. There maybe something to do with Omega, I'm not too sure. I feel like Aria would survive, and if you made her go 'soft' with the general or kept her on her renegade path she might have some interesting dioluge. Idk, maybe she should be left in 3. Just spit balling.

Annnnddd that's all I have! Here's my little slice of happiness I made up to make the pain of ME3 easier :")

Hopefully in the new installment we can get a nice closure like this with Sheaprd and their LI. Maybe if this was like a standalone game it would completely close of the trilogy for new installments- maybe even a ME5 game that brings the Milky Way and Androma together years after this interpretation of events.

#mass effect #mass effect commander shepard #mass effect shepard #mass effect ending #mass effect thoughts #mass effect legendary edition #mass effect 4 #mass effect 5 #mass effect series

[odanurr87]

Flash Review: What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim?

Park Seo-Joon as Lee Young-Joon, and Park Min-Young as Kim Mi-So.

Release date: June 6 - July 26, 2018

Episodes: 16

Available on: Viki

Summary: Lee Young-Joon is the Vice Chairman of the YumYung Group, a large corporation and the family business. He’s smart, successful, and supremely confident to the point of narcissism. Kim Mi-So has been his secretary for the past nine years, proving herself to be extremely efficient in the execution of her duties and the only person who can keep up with his ego and intellect, anticipating her boss’ will and seeing it carried out. One day, out of the blue, Kim Mi-So announces she has decided to quit her job and start a new chapter in her life, what takes Young-Joon entirely by surprise. This event forces the two to review their relationship, as Young-Joon realises he doesn’t want to let her go, and Mi-So starts seeing other sides of her boss’ personality as she realises he might have feelings for her. As this is a kdrama, the return of Young-Joon’s hated older brother, Lee Seong-Yeon, complicates matters when he suddenly enters Mi-So’s life, turning himself into a rival romantic interest. Meanwhile, Mi-So starts looking into an old kidnapping case connected to the two brothers.

What I liked:

The pacing and execution of the romantic relationship. One of my main complaints when I reviewed The Secret Life of my Secretary (TSLS for short) was that I felt that show took too long to develop the relationship between the boss and his secretary, dragging the deception more than it should have, and even when the leads eventually admit they have feelings for each other, 24 episodes in, it didn’t quite feel believable and the wrap up felt a bit rushed. The Vice Chairman and Secretary Kim manage to get there by Episode 8, selling it every step of the way, giving us another eight episodes to see how their relationship progresses and concludes. Romantic misunderstandings, that staple of most romcoms, are thankfully kept to a minimum, something I was extremely grateful for. For instance, when the beginning of one such misunderstanding rears its ugly head at the end of Episode 8, Secretary Kim doesn’t waste a second to clear the air with the Vice Chairman and declare her feelings for him, marking the beginning of their romantic relationship. They still have their disagreements (Secretary Kim is definitely not a pushover) and face their share of obstacles and objections to their relationship; we see how their relationship plays out in the workplace, sometimes with hilarious results (Mi-So can be very protective of her boyfriend!); we’re treated to the expected bouts of jealousy from the two leads, the apparently required drunk scenes, etc. In short, it’s what you’d expect from a good Hollywood romcom but longer.

The absence of the “family member X trying to usurp power from the lead brother” trope. So refreshing to do away with this trope every once in a while. You will find no evil conspiracy here directed at any of the leads, a staple of kdramas where a chaebol’s involved, giving us more time to explore the relationship between the Vice Chairman and Secretary Kim, which is frankly what this show is all about. We still have that jerk relative that shows up to cause trouble, but he’s mostly harmless. I will address this plot in the next section.

The humor. The humor in this show is comprised of four elements, which I’ll proceed to highlight in bold. If you’ve watched the show, perhaps the first thing that comes to mind is Kang Ki-Young, who plays Young-Joon’s best friend, councilor, and president of the Yumyung Group, Park Yoo-Sik, as he does a fantastic job providing comic relief, taking advantage of the fact that he’s the only person who can make fun of Young-Joon and get away with it. I particularly liked his interactions with his clumsy and forgetful secretary, a pairing many viewers shipped. While I was taken aback by how much I liked him in Bring it on, Ghost, I was definitely less surprised to see what a great job he did here. Easily the best supporting character in the show. However, I feel Park Min-Young’s Kim Mi-So gives him a run for his money, not for being a prankster but because of how she reacts in any number of situations (as does Yoo-Sik), from trying to hide her boyfriend from her sisters, through punching a stuffed cow to make room for her virtual boyfriend, to trying to suppress her feelings of jealousy when faced with the prospect of having a rival for Young-Joon’s affection. You could call it situational humor perhaps, but seeing Mi-So’s facial expressions and her demeanor in these situations is priceless. These two are not the only actors/characters who partake in the show’s humor, but I believe they’re the standouts. Next on the list are the show’s well-placed sound effects, from weather effects to animal sounds, which really bring out the humor in certain situations. The sound effects in this show are 100% on point. Last but not least is the inclusion of a certain animated devil who pops up from time to time when Young-Joon or Mi-So are having lewd thoughts. As Young-Joon says at one point, “Fighting!”

Secretary Kim’s many facial expressions. Pity the sound effect wasn’t timed right in this scene.

What I didn’t like:

The older brother and the execution of his storyline. Perhaps I am less inclined to like his character because I initially watched the episodes out of order. During the first few episodes, Young-Joon’s brother, Seong-Yeon, clearly appears as the more likable of the two, returning home after years abroad, ready to make amends, only to find a brother who has nothing but contempt for him and a family who still favours Young-Joon. One should sympathize with him under the circumstances. However, for my part, Seong-Yeon showed his true colors even before he regained his memories. As I mentioned earlier, his return also results in the two brothers holding an undeclared contest for Mi-So’s affections, with Seong-Yeon believing he has the upper hand because of a past connection with her. When Seong-Yeon boasts how he’s going to exploit this connection to get her that was the moment I went, “This dude’s an asshole. He’s really going to exploit a painful memory simply to one up his brother.” Young-Joon, on the other hand, was actually doing his best to protect Mi-So from it, even at the risk of losing her. However, beyond Seong-Yeon’s likeability as a character, from a narrative standpoint, I just can’t believe the two brothers haven’t settled their score after two decades. Further, his transformation from jerk to good brother after he regains his memories seemed a little rushed, a little forced, with some scenes seemingly set up to cast him in a more favourable light. I have my strong doubts that someone who’s experienced that kind of mental trauma would make such a recovery in such a short amount of time (days? weeks?). Ultimately, he came across more as a plot device than a character.

How the parents handled the kidnapping. Letting your kids believe a lie for decades is not the way you handle a traumatic experience! It strikes me as unbelievable, irresponsible, and utterly reproachable, that the parents would rather scar their children for life than send them to therapy, especially when time proved that the lie had not improved the brothers’ relationship and possibly made it worse. There’s also some inconsistency with the character of the mother, who at one point looks to Mi-So to take care of Young-Joon, hinting she knows of their relationship, only for her to later ask Young-Joon not to date Mi-So because that would make Seong-Yeon unhappy. The gall of this woman. Fortunately, Seong-Yeon intervenes (this is the favourable light scene I mentioned earlier), as the mother was about to make yet another parenting mistake. I’m also slightly skeptical she didn’t figure out the truth behind the kidnapping earlier, specifically, the moment Mi-So’s involvement is revealed, a secretary Young-Joon personally selected over more qualified candidates. It’s a relatively minor detail though.

OTP: Damn, these two can kiss! If that’s not chemistry, I don’t know what is. Every moment these two are together is just perfect. I’ll admit I disliked Young-Joon’s unhealthy possessiveness, but I understand this was a conscious choice to show how much his character changes as a result of his love for Mi-So, eventually willing to let her go and choose a new path. I know some people disapproved of Mi-So’s decision to stay as Young-Joon’s secretary, seeing it as a regression and arguing she should try something new, but I disagree. At the end of the day, what’s important is that Mi-So is no longer pressured by circumstance to follow a path but is now finally able to decide for herself knowing she has someone in her life who will support her regardless. I’d question the timing of her decision but not the decision itself. She can always quit later. I also appreciated this show wasn’t afraid of showing the two characters actually tie the knot. Makes for a good change of pace.

Verdict: Initially, I dropped this show like a bomb in the middle of the first episode, as the thought of having a hardcore narcissistic boss as one of the leads did not appeal to me one bit, and having just finished watching the disappointing The Secret Life of my Secretary I really didn’t want to waste much more of my time on a show that promised to be similar. I was utterly wrong, as it turned out. What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim? is a great office romcom, with Park Seo-Joon and Park Min-Young easily delivering on the romance and the comedy, aided by Kang Ki-Young and a solid supporting cast. This is an easy recommendation and definitely worth watching multiple times.

Rewatch meter: High

#kdrama #kdramas #what's wrong with secretary kim #park seo joon #park min young #kang ki young #review

[loveeveryoneincludingfictional]

The gory fanfic I talked about (part one)

My Behaviour reform/cult camp aU (it’s from a DnD session and originally was sort of a more magic based place but I decided to abandon magic for this because it wasn’t a well done element and was used so rarely it’s literally better I make this without it at all) I wasn’t sure about publishing this until someone told me to show her off so here she comes. So like triggers for violence and shit, kinda the vague cultish themes and also the angst—oh fuck the angst. Also sorry for slightly short first chapter, I know it’s just 4K words and not to the meat yet but something came up and the eventful chapter needs editing because basically I got so sick I could pretty much sleep, try to live and sleep.

You probably get updates faster if you read this on Archive of our own since it’s my main platform but yeah, I’ll continue to update both. Already slightly gory but not quite.

—————————————————

Chapter one: Preaching on the old camp grounds.

If he had a choice on this matter, he would’ve probably simply said no way and walked off without a second thought for the matter. He would’ve scoffed at the idea of joining a camp full of people who would probably have violent tendencies and hurt him or be just batshit insane—hell he is scoffing at it now. He’s a guy who just happens to be coming here because of ��behavioural reform’ since his college councillor decided to suggest it—turns out skipping a lot in high school leads you to being a monitored case when you’re in college, who knew, and then they send you to a summer camp because your parents decided that will work.

But really, Clay has nothing to worry about, he can’t complain in a productive way so he should just be capable of holding his chin high and looking at the positives—such as the fact the scenery is beautiful, a lake opening side camp sounds like a daydream. A tiny bit of therapy here and there for a few months, avoiding everybody who has worse issues than him, easy. He can just play in the water by himself and maybe he can chat up a girl and get himself a girlfriend—he has been meaning to have one of those. Or hell, maybe he’ll just make good friends, who fucking knows. He should be excited, not everyone he meets is going to be a fucking sociopath.

The camp worker greets him, shakes his hand, he calls himself Sparkles (vaguely weird but Clay is literally wearing a mask to cover his face for reasons he has never liked mentioning, so a nickname isn’t the weird thing. It is written on the guys t-shirt, blue with the camp logo with a name sticker on his left breast—however that’s written with a Z, Spanklez, Clay can only assume it to be a writing error or the dude’s handwriting being unclear.)

He explains himself as the captain of Clay’s wing, Clay only slightly laughing at the idea of sparkles wearing an eyepatch with an eye missing or something, pacing up and down a corridor screaming out various pirate like sentences—captain sparkles huh? Or Sparklez, captain sparklez, as the name sticker says.

“I’ll show you your dorm, you’re in the left wing, we’ve got to find Da—TDM somewhere. He should be taking your phone and all that.”

“TDM?” Clay questions, turning his head to the right to drive his confusion in, “Is that like an acronym? what does TDM even stand for?”

“Not quite sure,” Sparkles/z speaks, grabbing Clay’s bag and walking him towards the dorm, “There’s three other guys in already, you were the last to arrive. There’s two more dorms in the left wing, they’re full ones, don’t mind them too much. Then the right wing has another three. If you’re wondering, the girls are in the other building over there, you’re not allowed to go there.”

‘Because murder or because sex?’ is his immediate question, keeping it inside himself with the assumption it is to say no sex—this is supposed to be a camp with high values after all and teen pregnancy probably isn’t something they are exactly looking forward to. Is murder a lighter value? No? But it is more acceptable for a behaviour therapy camp to say ‘oh sociopath’ than ‘oh they fucked’

“You’ve got a room with Sapnap, Techno and Wilbur. Nice boys. If you hear anything weird from them, report it to me or Stampy.”

“Why is Wilbur the only one with a normal name here?” Clay questions, confused beyond anything else. Okay maybe his mask is weird but why are the campers having weird nicknames just like the captains or councilors or whatever the fuck they are—like is this just a thing?

“They give everyone nicknames, I’m sure they’ll give you one soon too. It’s like—you’re supposed to call each other your new names. It’s something like a rebirth to have a new name, a new beginning. Wilbur isn’t Wilbur’s name either, it just ended up being his nickname.”

He supposes that makes sense, also makes sense why he hasn’t called him Clay yet. He supposes that may be a good idea, he isn’t sure about it, it doesn’t feel like a horrible idea to have nicknames for any purposes but especially for improved behaviour and shit? But then again, he assumes he’s one of the less insane kids so Clay seems like it would fit anyway.

The door opens and he steps in, noting of everybody inside the dorm and making quick profiles.

There’s a guy with pink, dyed, hair sat on the floor. The guy seems sort of unfocused on what he seemed to be doing, doodling on a piece of paper, instead inspecting the pencil and finally facing up to look up at him only to go back to his pencil staring a moment later with disinterest.

A guy with black hair is laying across a bed, holding a paper ball in his hand after just having thrown it to himself. His eyes are hyper focused on him, as if the mask is intriguing to him or maybe just him as a person, his smile reserved but friendly. It screams hesitance but at the same time a confidence, like he’s hiding a confidence behind a box. He doesn’t look like he wants to kill him but he does stay looking at him uncomfortably long, even after Clay’s eyes trail elsewhere.

Then there’s a last guy, a giant in his own right, sitting on the table with a guitar in his hands. The boy is horridly attractive, brown eyes and large hands seemingly in the middle of playing the guitar. He’s a straight dude but he just thinks he is notably normal and attractive looking, his eyes almost warm but not quite there with this slight edge to them. They don’t look at him for long, instead looking over to Sparkles (or it’s with a Z, he doesn’t fucking know) with that name warmness.

“Here’s the new boy, doesn’t have a name yet. I have to go give these to TDM and talk to Tubbo. Make the guy feel welcome, okay?”

And before Clay can comment on anything just said, the door has closed and the guitar man is extending his hand with a warm smile and Clay takes it, shaking hands.

“I’m Wilbur, my whole nickname is Wilbur Soot but you can take the Soot out. The one on the floor is Technoblade, call him Techno, and then the guy staring is Sapnap.”

“Hey, I’m—.”

“You’re not supposed to give real names,” Wilbur explains after slamming his hand on Clay’s mouth, “that can get you in big trouble here, new guy. You should be getting it soon.”

“Honestly this reminds me of holes,” Clay speaks, Techno turning his head towards him at the mention of a book in such a casual context—especially one you would read for a high school project, “Next I learn we have to dig holes as manual labour without water and two of us escape onto a mountain to get away from that shit.”

“They were talking about doing that actually,” Wilbur speaks with a shrug, sitting on the desk and straightening his legs across it, “Like doing tasks so we don’t have ‘harmful energy’.”

“Sounds like absolute stupidity to me,” Techno speaks, “I can murder and cook the same day, the meat may taste a bit weird but nobody said I couldn’t. I wouldn’t, not unless I have a reason, but I technically could kill someone and burn off all the evidence and serve the victim up with some spicy potatoes, a family recipe.”

“I mean maybe it isn’t that bad,” Clay speaks, attempting to be positive even with his eyes slightly avoiding techno for a moment with the fact he has a plan to get away with murder yeah this is what he was expecting, “Sparkles seems like a nice man and at least we aren’t being leashed and collared here.”

“Bet you’d like that,” Sapnap speaks, finally taking his eyes off him with a small smile as if he got what he was looking for—it’s almost scary, he feels like asking if Sapnap gave him a good score based on what he saw. Sure a mask is unusual but to have the other stare at him so unreadably makes his highly uncomfortable.

“What’s with the mask, Smiley?”

“Techno! That’s insensitive!”

“It’s just a question, Wilbur.”

“It isn’t just a question! That might be personal!”

“So? I can ask, nobody is demanding he answers me. Including me, I’m not demanding for him to answer me.”

“But it’s still a bad question, Techno!”

“How?”

“Something happened to it,” Clay speaks to the arguing duo, having all three faces turn towards him in a way that almost leaves his head with whiplash just witnessing it, “I’d rather not go into detail.”

“Show it.”

“TECHNO!”

“I doubt it’s like burned off or something! Bet he’s just got some light tiny scars across it.”

He almost flinches because yeah chemical burn isn’t too far off burned off. His face has a huge, ragged, previously festering, chemical burn. It used to discharge this yellow shit when he went into the cold and he used to have to bandage it and feel it drip through it. It would fucking drip through his bandage, bleed through it until he had to wash the fucking mask. It’s not a pretty fucking face and even when he can see Techno’s scarred hands playing with a pencil in his boredom, it does nothing but make him feel like those hands would cover his eyes looking at him. Sure, line after line swiping each other on his hands. Those hands look hard with use and like there’s more white scarred skin than pale skin his face matches with—his hands look like they were made to dodge sharp objects and suffer the consequences of it. If those scars were Techno’s face, he could feel comfortable with the idea of showing his face. They could be on equally disfigured grounds.

Honestly, it gives him slight jealousy issues to see the other three—not that they were ugly in college when he went in person. Some of them were prettier than Wilbur actually, supermodel lookers with Florida tans and freckles and fuck a few of them had a head of pure sunkissed golden locks and the deepest blue eyes with a grey storm crossing across in a way that almost divided their eyes into two colours. Some of his classmates were attractive and damn aware of it but something about being in a camp where people are supposed to look like they have issues, since they’re supposed to have issues, kills him. He can’t quite understand why he expected to be at least average when his lower left jaw to his lower cheek is bubbling like a second mouth. The way Techno’s hands are still attractive and the second most disgusting thing in the room makes him want to scream because what the fuck. He can be so fucking confident but he was supposed to fit in here. And here he stands with his stupid mask on with a healing chemical splash and scars running down his face.

“Can we talk about something else?” Clay asks in almost a whisper, getting a nod from Wilbur and a ‘sorry’ from Techno in return. He appreciates it. “So how long have you been here?”

“Six days, Techno’s been here seven. Came here with a kid, he was scared as shit so I helped him out but he’s not in this dorm so,” Wilbur explains, Techno giving him a nod.

“Three,” Sapnap speaks, lifting up three fingers with his pinky thumb and middle finger in the air, “I had to finish things since I start college after this bullshit, I was supposed to come the same day as Wilbur originally.”

“Why are you even here? You don’t look particularly troubled—excluding you techno, you look like you fought god in your underwear with an umbrella during a thunderstorm.”

“Arson,” the black haired answers so casually it almost makes Clay think he said something else until he registers that the younger boy said arson, as in lighting shit on fire, and not something like weed… then again maybe the dude also smokes weed, he looks like a stoner for no better words. He looks relaxed and has a fucking ninja ass band in his hair—it’s so clear he’s a fucking stoner that if he is not he will drop out of college.

“Sparkles asked me to get you,” speaks someone from the door, strong british accent with brown hair and goggles on his head, “It’s time for the evening meal and he wanted to make sure Dream is coming.”

“Who?” Clay questions, looking between the three who all look at him—oh he’s Dream, Clay is Dream. That’s such a girly name, what the fuck, Techno at least sounds like a guy. Or maybe Dream because he’s so incredibly dreamy—ha he wishes, he’s just not all that. Maybe his body is but his face needs a fucking transplant, maybe when he’s a best selling author he will have the money to look like a model. God he can only hope.

He doesn’t really speak at all, Sapnap grabbing his hand and dragging him towards a building on the other side of the camp opening before he washes his hands in the line of sinks—Dream deciding to do the same, tailing the black haired boy until they sit at a long table (one of two long tables, he doesn’t really bother looking over though, he doesn’t want to look in case he aggravates someone as tall as Wilbur or an another arsonist.)

“New guy?” Someone asks, another fucking Brit why is everyone fucking British what the fuck is happening—he’s met three Americans and three Brits and that’s not normal odds when he’s in fucking America—if he’s in America it should be at least ten to one of American accents but everyone is fucking British as fuck, “I’m George.”

“He’s Dream,” Sapnap speaks for him, Dream nodding. He doesn’t mind having his introduction done by his dorm mate when there’s people he is fucking scared of all around the table. He isn’t easy to scare but again, arson, he’s here because he skipped school and there’s an arsonist at the same table so the kind of people there may be, honestly, scares him. Also, to be fair, he’s honestly not sure he’s quite used to being called ‘Dream’ under such short notice. He shakes from his thoughts as Techno takes a seat on the other side of him, reaching for water across the table until someone huffs and hands it to him, a ‘thanks Philza’ leaving his dorm mate's mouth. He doesn’t really bother with looking at the guy.

“New guy,” speaks an unmistakable New York accent, Dream still sort of not looking. This is a lot of people with issues and considering the most—or second most polite person here is here because of fucking ARSON, he doesn’t really wanna know what a more aggressive sounding is here for, “NEW GUY YOU ‘MURICAN?”

“Schlatt—,” Wilbur speaks, letting out a long huff before he turns his head to the other boy, “Yes, he’s American.”

“Shush, you little Brit, go drink your tea. I was talking to the mask here.”

“Yeah, I’m American,” Dream speaks after a moment of staring from all around him, still not particularly interested in looking over at anybody, “I’m assuming you’re a New Yorker.”

“Born and raised in Montana, moved there later. You’re kinda tan, what’s your opinion on gay people? Weed?” Schlatt questions, Dream finding almost comfort in the way he’s blunt, just for a moment. It’s weird, he doesn’t know why, it’s so slight it doesn’t help him but he assumes he likes when people are blunt and straight, maybe it’s just endearing.

“W-What?” He questions, in slight amusement. He almost looks over. He’s so close. He’s within a hair of looking over and talking to him face to face but something stupid stops him—actually what stops him is the mask but.

“I’m getting your state. Christian?” Schlatt questions, taking a sip of water. He’s still uneasy, maybe because the directness is different from Technos (something that gave him an illegal amount of familiarity easily, his directness was awkward while Schlatt has this almost regal straightness, almost like it's more ‘no bullshit’ than awkward. It’s like a knife where Techno’s different in a punch way—punching can be friendly, stabbing really isn’t) but his unease is so different with someone who seems to be blunt and jokey with him than anyone else there just looking at him.

“Yeah. I guess. I haven’t been to church in a while but I think I’m in the papers? My parents are Christians,” Dream speaks with a shrug, looking around for a moment—why come for an evening meal so early if there’s not going to be an evening meal? That’s kinda weird.

“Gulf state?” goes Schlatt’s next question, Dream hesitating a moment before giving his response in case it’s revealing too much. He assumes they could find his state easy if they asked the workers anyway so he is honest,

“Yeah.”

“If you were from Alabama, you would keep up with Church more than that. You look inbred though, good reason to wear the mask if you have a Habsburg chin. Though that would show through, maybe incest eyes?”

Dream almost feels offended, laughing it off before speaking to make sure Schlatt doesn’t actually think he is inbred, “My parents are not related, I promise.”

Schlatt takes a moment to think, the silence making Dream the same uneasy he was before. It’s more overwhelming, it feels like he is being judged. Until Schlatt speaks, “You like alligators?”

He’s so glad to hear something before thinking, shrugging, “Yeah, I guess, they’re pretty cool.”

“Florida man,” Someone voices, kind of like a frat boy with an accent. It has the feel of a spanish telenovela playboy, obviously faked or at least made more aggressive for a joke.

He nods, finally looking around himself through not really taking note of anyone. Well he does take note of the short guy in front of himself, wearing a blue shirt and smiling as he grabs Dream’s glass, pouring in some water and putting it back down. He says a thank you, getting a slight salute and a ‘no problem’ before a bell loudly rings and grabs both their attention, along with everyone else.

The girl on stage says to thank the Gods for the day and the food before grabbing their food—Dream mumbles the prayer, stumbling through by listening to how Techno is saying it, low voice right next to him making it easier for him to at least get it 70% right with a few skipped words. He doesn’t necessarily understand what they are doing this for, the guy in front of him seems to express his emotions with the roll of his eyes upon finishing. Guy seems pretty fucking cool.

With that thought, Sapnap grabs his hand and pulls him towards the kitchen or whatever you call that, the guy who sat in front of him jogging up to them,

“Sapnap, how come you’re taking the new guy? Planning to shag him?”

“You know I only want to kiss you, Gogy.”

“My name is George. George. Like the king.”

“You’re far from a king, Gogy, you know you shouldn’t be using your real name here.”

“Bullshit, Gogy is close enough to George you should just use my actual name. Whole no name thing is fucking weird.”

“Gogy, annoying you makes me want to refuse calling you your name even more.”

“You’re a fucking wanker, you know?”

“Ah, it’s a Brit innit?”

“Low fucking blow, man.”

“I can blow you.”

“You’re like barely out of high school, no thank you.”

“Oh c’mon now boys, this is not rough house time,” Dream speaks after the argument has gone on for a while, half heartedly getting in between—it seems like a friendly argument and he could easily take on George with Sapnap and probably Sapnap if George really pulled his weight.

It’s all fairly comfortable laughter and jokes from there until George has walked them to their dorm and pointed out his own—the familiarity is strange so immediately, especially to an arsonist and one that is not even hiding the fact he’s an arsonist—like at all, he actively jokes about lighting things on fire.

“Sleep well,” George speaks with a smile, opening an another dorm door, his dorm, with ‘Tubbo’ and ‘Eret‘ written on the door—along with another name, one that makes dream almost lose his shit—Nutpig, poor thing.

They make it into their dorm, Techno and Wilbur sitting on the table with a third boy, this one blond with blue eyes and seemingly caught up in talking about things that he seems interested in. Techno looks over to them, as if daring them to say something about it—or perhaps just Dream, Sapnap seems used to it and just sits on his bed.

“Dream, you sleep on top of me right?”

“I—what?” Dream asks, shocked. That’s a proposition and a half for the first night.

“The top bunk,” Sapnap speaks with a laugh, clearly knowing how his words could be taken out of context.

“That was on purpose,” Dream says accusingly, looking at the top of the bed wondering if it’s high enough for his fear of heights to be triggered by how high up he is.

“Or we could,” Sapnap speaks, sitting down on his bed dramatically, making grabby hands with a big boisterous grin that clearly says ‘I’m joking’, “cuddle. C’mere, I’m lonely.”

“The—I, face, y’know,” Dream explains, suddenly grateful for the upper bunk, “you don’t—it’s—I don’t sleep with a mask on! C’mon now, that would be so uncomfortable.”

“You could trust me and take it off?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Turn the lights off so I get cuddles!”

“You won’t get cuddles anyway! But yes, please turn off the lights so I can take the mask off.”

“Okay,” Wilbur speaks, grabbing the unknown boy by the hand with a small smile, “lets go to sleep, Tommy.”

“He can take mine,” Techno speaks almost immediately. It’s almost affectionate sounding, it comes so close to not being numb and monotone.

Dream almost questions if the boy is staying with them tonight or if it’ll even be the full night before Techno shoots him another dangerous look—they look protective of the boy, clearly so, this is probably the boy Wilbur mentioned earlier talking about arriving with someone. He doesn’t bother saying anything about the fact the blond boy climbs up to the top bunk.

It takes a second to adjust to the lack of light, he can tell bodies but not who’s bodies based on more than location. He takes his mask off, climbing up with it in hand and sniffing it. It doesn’t smell like he has opened anything, it smells clean, and he just lays down.

He has a hard time getting sleep, settling on watching Technos body at the table writing something until he can see from the corner of his eyes how Wilbur is wide awake, standing up and walking around the room until Techno turns back and whispers to him, expecting everyone to be asleep. This time he genuinely sounds worried.

“Wilbur. Wilbur. You’re okay. You’re not sick man, breathe, you can breathe. You won’t die if you sleep, okay? I promise.”

“Easy for you to say that—you don’t know if something is wrong with me.”

“Wilbur you yourself told me this is you overthinking, that you’re healthy. Breathe man, you’re not thinking straight. Do you need me to sleep with you again?”

“Please.”

When they’re on Wilbur’s bed is when Dream finally starts getting sleepy enough to go to sleep, facing the wall just in case.

#fanfiction #dream team #au #gonna post to AO3 too #he’ll lose an eye soon i promise

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs “The Drev”

Thank you everyone for reading, I hope you like it please feel free to leave me critiques comments, ideas prompts, and messages. I love having all of the above :)

“It should be avoided at all costs.”

“Councilor, don’t you think that’s a bit of an exaggeration, the humans have joined the alliance, they are on our side.” Around the room, members of the galactic assembly lounged in their seats all filled aside form one conspicuously empty chair.

“I am not denying that. The humans have proven to be more than willing to work with us, but they are too powerful, to similar to be allowed to interact.”

Across the room an assembly member stood tapping the one of four feet on the ground with impatience, “And what do you suggest we do, we cannot make laws that prohibit their interaction. You know as well as I that humans have a compulsive need to break the rules. If we go right and out state that than they will surely seek each other out just to spite us.”

The room erupted into a chorus of voices, silenced only by the chairman pounding his fist against the table.

“Even if we could make laws like that, only the humans would be subject. The others have not agreed to join the alliance. I agree that allied they would represent the greatest threat to the galaxy there ever was, but they were on opposite sides of the war. We are just going to have to hope that their mutual hatred will keep them apart. In the meantime we will work to keep the humans satisfied, better to ally with them than fight against them.”

The room was silent, a mutter of agreement washed around the room.

The Vrul representative nodded thoughtfully, “We just have to hope.”

***

“And what made you think it was a good idea to try and befriend a horrific Zlorg Beast.”

“You know what Krill, if I want your sass, I’ll ask for it.”

“I say you asked for it when you came screaming down that hill being chased by ten tons of f*** off.”

The human rolled his eyes giving Krill a rude gesture, “You know what, every day you are more and more human, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s a good thing. You used to respect and fear me, and rightly so.”

“It’s sort of hard to respect and fear someone who accidently got themselves stuck in a trash can for over an hour.”

The man snorted as they skirted around another outbuilding, “Yeah, and I got twenty space credits for it, so it was completely worth it.”

They took another corner pushing themselves through the crowd and up onto the main thoroughfare, “Also kind of hard to be afraid of someone who has been involved in, a, and I quote “Cuddle puddle.”

Captain Vir shrugged, “Hey when you’re feeling down and everyone on the ship has a license for cuddle therapy, why not just do everyone a favor. Granted it usually devolves into a pillow fight, but that is beside the point.”

Krill shook his head, “Yeah, I rest my case….. what are we doing here anyway?”

The Captain shrugged, grabbing Krill by the arm and tugging him up a flight of stairs. Inflating his hydrogen sack, Krill floated up easily with him glad to avoid trying to walk up the stairs. The configuration of is body made climbing almost impossible. He deflated as they reached the top, and followed at the captain’s heels down the hall.

“You know what, I honestly don’t know. A couple weeks back, I got a ping on the radio that said I had a package waiting here. Didn’t say from who just said that I needed to come as soon as possible.”

Krill sighed, “You probably ordered ten tons of pop rocks or something.”

“That’s a good idea, but no because I would have remembered bringing that kind of joy into my life.”

They turned another corner and made their way up to the shipment bay approaching the desk. The Rundi behind it gave them one look, “Name and shipping number please.”

“Captain Vir number 14566889.”

The Rundi behind the desk went very still all of a sudden, “889?”

Vir and rill exchanged glances, “Um…. Yeah.”

“That shipment’s for you…. I…. Ill go get it then, shall I.” He stumbled away quickly leaving Vir and Krill looking at each other in confusion not really sure what that was all about.

They had been lounging around for a good few minutes speculating about what it could be, when footsteps reached them. They turned just in time to see the Rundi clerk come around the corner, followed by an immense shape with metallic blue purple carapace.

The noise that the human let off was a primal sound of fear and waring, Captain Vir staggered back tripping onto his back and scrambling away as the Drev stepped into view, immense, powerful, terrifying. Krill squealed and ran behind the captain away from the hulking metallic shape. The captain’s face was pale white his eyes were wide with primal fear as the creature moved towards them, Krill was acutely aware of the captain’s story.

The creature that took his leg.

“Captain Vir.” Underneath the translation the creature clicked and hissed, “It is a pleasure to meet you again.”

Vir scrambled back further crawling into an awkward crouch eyes moving from wide to narrow. “What do you want?”

And then weirdly enough, the creature knelt down and bowed its head, “I have come, to learn from you. Such a great warrior race, you beat us on our own home world, there is much to learn.”

“Look, I don’t know what sick game this is, but…. You nearly ripped me in half. I’m not likely to let you aboard my ship.”

The creature tilted it’s head to look at him, “And you didn’t kill me when you had the chance, why?”

The captain paused, “I…. I don’t know.”

“After the war my race was disbanded removed from our seat of power doomed to wander the universe hated and feared, but the only people more feared than us is you. I have thought long and hard about the war, about what we did, and I have come to the decision, I wish to learn from you to understand what I lack. You were not built for war like I, but you have something we don’t, something that makes you powerful.”

“Yeah, it’s called not being homicidal psychopaths, maybe having compassion or mercy. You took my F***ing leg, and you really think I’d let you aboard MY ship just so that you can learn how to be more powerful. Fat chance you oversized beetle”

The creature didn’t move, “Yes, it was I, but I intend to return what I took.” Krill hadn’t noticed, but by the creature’s side sat a silver case. They watched in surprise as the box was opened to reveal a glittering metallic blue leg with green bands. The metallic parts were made from, what appeared to be carapace. Unlike a human leg, the prosthetic was built more like that of the creature scaled down. The foot ended with three mechanical toes and one spur.

“I built this from the bodies of the fallen, and my own armor; to wear it would be to make you one of us, you would have all the rights under our law as if you were born Drev. It is a symbol of my respect for you and your race. I only ask that you take me with you, and I will follow your rules and your laws.”

Vir seemed surprised, confused, and scared, but the anger had fallen from his face. He paused, “How can I rust you. How can you ask me to do this after what you did? I have nightmares because of you.”

The creature watched him unblinking before stating in such a matter- of – fact tone. “You killed many of my brethren, members of my own family, and yet I have forgiven you. War is war, and things done in war are not out of personal spite. You were the enemy and I fought the enemy, but I fought you with respect.”

The human had gone quiet now staring at the creature, staring at the glittering metallic offering. Krill looked on in confused surprise, from what he had heard of the Drev they were beings whose only thought centered around war, to assume they had philosophy or conscious or government was out of the question, but here, he was one of their number seeking knowledge and refuge from a human, the very human it had attempted to destroy.

“And….. you would follow my orders.”

Krill chirped in shock, “Captain, you aren’t really thinking about saying yes?”

He held up a hand.

The creature bowed its head, “To the death.”  

There was a long moment of silence as the human looked between the Drev and the offering fighting an internal battle. Krill didn’t see how the Drev could win this argument, it just didn’t make sense. The fact that the captain was thinking about it was shocking enough to change things. But he couldn’t agree to this, it was madness.

The human snapped the case shut. Krill gave a sigh of relief.

The man looked up at the creature, “You can come onto my ship, but if you so much as put one toe out of line, I will end you. If you can, in some miraculous way prove to me that you are worth the trouble, than I will think about making this a more permanent solution.”

Krill squealed in shock, ”Captain!”

The Drev lifted back to its feet towering a good foot above the captain’s head, “I follow your command.”

“Captain, what are you doing?” Krill squeaked scuttling at the captain’s heels as he walked away a Drev shadow behind him.

“It offered its services, said sorry, and agreed to follow my command Krill, I….”He sighed, “It deserves a chance.”

“Not from you.”

“Especially from me. If it tries anything I’ll kill it. If I don’t do this, that it takes the moral high ground, and I’m a jerk. I can’t let that be the case. I…. I need to get over what happened, and what better way to do it than this?”

Krill protested some more, but he captain ignored him turning to look at the creature.

“What’s your name?”

Some hissing clicking sounds.

“Ok, that doesn’t help. Not even a little bit, not at all.”

“It means Sunny.”

“Sunny, kind of an innocuous name for a death machine……Well, Sunny male, female, neither?”

“Female.”

Vir stopped and blinked turning to look at her, “Is that why you’re so short.”

Sunny frowned, “I’m short because I’m short…..”

The captain shrugged and took a deep breath quietly muttering, “What have I done.”

***

The galactic assembly would not be pleased about this.

#humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space oddities #humans are space australians #earth is space australia

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Hi! I’ve been following your account for forever, and Ive always been curious as to if there’s a reason it seems there’s far more afab asks than amab asks?

Lee says:

One thing I’ve noticed on the blog is activity begets activity; when I (or any mod) answer a lot of asks, a lot of new asks come in because people are seeing our blog and encouraged to interact with us. In slow weeks, when the mods are busy and there aren’t many things posted, we don’t get as many questions. This can become a cycle; if we don’t post anything, nobody sends us an ask so we don’t post anything. The same thing happens to the AMAB mods.

So we do get some AMAB asks, but the AMAB mods on this blog aren’t as active as us AFAB mods are and therefore we get fewer AMAB asks and therefore the AMAB mods are less active… and so on.

To break the not-enough-questions part of the cycle, the AMAB mods asked us (the AFAB mods) to not answer the AMAB questions or they’ll have nothing to do, so instead we should save the AMAB asks to the drafts for them.

That way the AMAB asks don’t get lost in the inbox and they can easily locate AMAB asks when they’re ready to answer a question and just hop to it. 

But because said AMAB mods aren’t very active on the blog, we have like 400 AMAB asks saved in our drafts. So we keep drafting new AMAB asks, but very few end up leaving the drafts.

Our Meet the mods! page lists our current AMAB mods:

Ryn [x] they/them/theirs or she/her/hers (auxiliary)

Ryn is 21 years old and identifies as non-binary transfeminine (non-binary trans woman? Who knows). They have been to everyone for almost two years now, and (as they like to put it) in a closet with an open door for a few years before that (out to a few people). They are a white, amab, queer person with a history of mental illness. They are currently studying biology, archaeology, and music at a small liberal arts college in upstate New York. Ryn still isn’t sure what Disney character they’d be, but for now, they’ll go with Violet from the Incredibles.

Callie [x] she/her/hers

Callie is a 19 year old pansexual amab trans girl. She is from Alberta, but currently lives in Southern Ontario where she is attending university. She is Chinese and Canadian First Nations. She has some mental illness and chronic skin problems. She enjoys the game magic: the gathering and playing and listening to music and is an aspiring stand up comedian. If she were a Disney Character, she would be BB-8 from Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Harper [x] she/her/hers

Harper is a 22 year old trans lesbian from England. She came out on 21/04/2017 and is started hrt 14/04/2019 and is currently on the NHS waiting list. She’s a keen student of English literature, transpoetics, and leftist political theory, especially when it concerns being trans. She is white and able-bodied. She loves puppies and gucci and communism and her wife.

Pat [x] they/them/theirs can answer in Spanish

Pat is a 19-year-old nonbinary person who lives in Texas. They are Mexican/Native-American and loves writing, acting, making Youtube videos, and their cat Hera. Pat does not plan on medically transitioning, but is feminine presenting and AMAB.

Pat is disabled and is diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder, and they are currently being treated for both.

Any questions for Pat can be sent to their personal blog.

Charlotte [x] She/her/hers

Charlotte is a 16 year old gay (??) AMAB trans girl who feels cute sometimes. She’s been dealing with unmedicated ADHD, depression, and anxiety up until recently, and is okay with answering any ask related to those topics. They’re currently pre-everything but plan on getting hormones and vaginoplasty in the future. They’re out as trans nearly everywhere, excluding extended family, for better or for worse.

Alexandra [link missing] She/her/hers

Alexandra is 14, AMAB, pre-everything, genderflux, Black, and omnisexual.

Autumn [link missing] she/her/hers

Autumn is a 19 year old non-binary trans woman who lives in Oklahoma. She is white, AMAB, cupiosexual, and lesbian. She had bottom surgery in 2015 and has a lot of experience with hormone therapy complications.

Autumn and her body enjoy the lovely and disabling company of many chronic and mental illnesses. She has personal experience with psychotic, mood, and eating disorders. She also has a genetic condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and associated comorbidities (POTS, MCAS, GP, etc). She has been institutionalized, and is on medication.

Autumn is Jewish, training a service dog, dorky, and loves pizza and puns so much (like way too much). She is happy to answer any appropriate questions regarding anything she has experience with.

Kay [link missing] they/them/theirs or she/her/hers

Kay is a 19/yo trans woman who began to come out as late as 18 years old.  She considers herself pansexual as her feelings aren’t defined by the body or the parts someone has. She is white, American, and has spent a majority of her life in Ohio.  She identifies as she, but for personal purposes and comfort she tends to go by “they” when faced with unfamiliar people. She had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and major depressive disorder in 2015 after spending a week in a hospital for a psych evaluation.  For Kay, Makeup and hair has been a normal thing, but, as of August 2017, she made the first small steps to fully transitioning with appointments to a trans councilor.

Kay loves her dog Roxie and her cats Buzzy and Socks.  She also has a bit of an obsession with the Forza Motorsport series… For some reason.

Roxie [x] she/her/hers

Roxie is a white, able-bodied, perisex, 19 year old trans woman from the UK. Technically she’s non-binary (166% woman, y'all) but she mostly doesn’t identify that way any more. She’s also a lesbian, so shout out to that! She’s been out the closet as trans since February 2016, and is currently working on getting put on E after years of asking.She has ADHD, and has known so for the vast majority of her life, and she’s autistic, too, which she has known since she was thirteen. She’s heavily involved with disability rights, and helps moderate a tightly-knit disability community on Skype (message her if you’re interested!). She’s also mentally ill… somehow. She’s still working that one out, if she’s quite honest.By occupation, Roxie is a librarian (libresbian? lesbrarian? We’ll work on that one.) and an actress in a youtube webseries with an overwhelmingly LGBT cast. In her spare time, she reads Marvel Comics, kicks butt as Pharah in Overwatch, and goes clubbing with her friends. If she were a Disney character, she would be Princess Star Butterfly, from Star Vs. The Forces of Evil.

———————————

If you have a question for a particular mod, @ them at the start of your ask- that makes it more likely that they’ll answer you!

#Lee says #blog stuff #caps #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

[supernatural-rewatch-3]

The Big Empty

So this episode! Dean is still angry and Sam convinces him to give Jack a chance by taking him on a hunt. Dean is against it and for the majority of the episode he treats Jack like an intern. Jack is trying very hard to please Dean, to make Dean like him. While working the case, Sam and Dean find they have to step in to see a grief councilor as she is part of it. It’s about the closest we get the the boys getting some real actual therapy!

I do gotta say I’m a little confused and upset with Sam here. Sam says that Dean had a relationship with Mary and that he didn’t, that Mary would always call Dean or look to him and that Dean had a relationship with Mary that Sam never had. The thing was, yes Dean did more with Mary, but that was Dean’s choice just like it was Sam’s NOT to reach out. When Mary left saying she needed space, Sam was the one to back up and not reach out. Dean was constantly reaching out, finding other ways to communicate besides just talking, like playing phone games with her. Sam yelling at Dean and acting like Mary preferred him over Sam is completely unfair because the whole last season Sam was the one who chose to sit back and not contact her. And again, it was Sam and Mary who were secretly working together with the BMOL and keeping it from Dean for weeks. It was Sam who Mary reached out to when the boys cut her out. When Mary was in trouble she called Dean, yes, but it was mostly because she was answering the call Dean sent to her! So no, Sam getting mad at Dean or Mary for that is bullshit. Then again it’s more like Sam is mad at himself but Dean is the target sitting there to take it out on...much like Dean was doing with Jack.

Meanwhile Mia calls out Dean about his anger issues, how he’s so focused on what he’s angry about that he’s taking it out on everyone around him. It’s like the wake up call Dean needs. He apologizes to Sam for being a dick. He praises Jack and even starts taking the steps to accepting him. As Sam points out Dean wasn’t accepting what was going on, Dean was just trying to bury it or pretend like it didn’t happen. Like they didn’t just loose Eileen, Kelly, Cas, Crowley, Mary, and Missouri. Like Jack isn’t their responsibility. And like Dean tells Sam at the end the problem is Dean no longer believes in anything and he needs Sam to keep up the faith for both of them.

Next up is Jack. Jack, who never got to meet his mother. Jack is so torn by what he’s supposed to be. He wants to believe that Kelly, Cas, and Sam were right, that he can be good, but he’s already been accidentally hurting people and clearly Dean doens’t think much of him. With Mia’s help he is able to get the closure he needed from his mother and with Dean’s encouragement he’s able to overcome the block with his powers that he has had since this whole mess started. Jack is super happy when Dean tells him that he did good.

I honestly think Dean was the milestone for Jack. Sam accepted him from the start. However Dean was certain he was evil. I think for Jack, getting Dean to like him, to accept him, would be confirmation that he isn’t going to be evil like the angels and demons and Dean believe. If he can prove to Dean that he’s good, it will be all the confirmation he needs. After all it takes a lot to make Dean change his mind on anything. And with Dean telling Jack he did good, Jack knows he has made progress. Jack wants to be good, and Sam has already told him Dean is one of the ‘good guys’. And now Dean is starting to shift on his thoughts of Jack.

Then we finally get to see the Empty that Billie has been yapping about and meet the one who runs it, The Shadow. Gotta say the Shadow is super relatable with just wanting to sleep all the time. And he is frustrated that Cas is awake. So Cas takes a page out of Sam and Dean’s book and annoys the all powerful cosmic entity until it boots his ass out of the afterlife and back to the living world because it really really really doens’t want to deal with him.

#supernatural #spn 13x04 #the big empty #sam winchester #dean winchester #Jack Kline #castiel #the shadow

[wait-this-isnt-my-homework]

I was working at a summer camp where we help kids make glass mosaics in 4 days for 4 days. I was working with this one girl who was particularly rowdy and loud. All the other camp councilors hating seeing her because she was hard to control and she didn't seem to want to do her work. Obviously I had to adopt this Problem Child because no one else really wanted to try.

She's nine years old. She cried today when she had to leave and promised she'd come back next year and ask for me.

All I had to do was talk to her like a rowdy nine year old, and look at that, she listened. I swapped out "Sit down. Now." for "ok, let's work a little more on this section." I said "what if we tried to fit a different piece here?" Instead of "fix this." And I'd ask "what are you working on right now? Do you need help?" Instead of saying "keep working, or you'll run out of time." I wonder why that worked so well🙄

By day 2 of 4 I had pretty much figured out she wasn't neurotypical, but I didn't get the chance to talk to her until the last hour. On day 3, I sat down and only helped her and the other girl sitting near her for their 4 hours with us. By the end of class, all 3 of us had talked about ADHD.

Surprise, Surprise! Our rowdy 9 year old had ADHD! She was going to what she called 'counciling' and she described basically behavior "therapy" (it sounded like forced modification) and she was so happy when I told her I experienced her symptoms too. She said her parents didn't try to understand her, and she didn't know how to name any of the symptoms we talked about (executive dysfunction, RSD, prioritizing focus, auditory processing, or even some of the easier words like memory recall and sensory overload.) I tried to give her the advice I would have wanted (it's ok to have to wait a little longer for words to work), I told her how to cope with certain things (taking deep breaths and closing her eyes when she gets too attached to what she's doing in the moment,) and I always encouraged her when I corrected her ("try to be gentle, you don't want to make it fall apart." "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" "I know, it's alright, just be careful, ok?" Even when I told her not to do that same thing 2 seconds ago.)

Day 4, the day after we talked about ADHD, she was so nice and happy when I was with her. I had to spend the first 2 hours running a separate station, and I only had to ask her once to sit down and wait until I was done (and it wasn't like she was sitting at the beginning and she got up unwarranted, I only had to tell her when I told the other kids.) She waited patiently until I could help her and didn't bother anyone else while I wasn't there. For the last 2 hours I helped her, and she almost started crying when she had to leave and I gave her a little note to make sure she knows I support her.

I can't stress enough how important it is for teachers and camp councilors to be at least mindful of this sort of thing when working with younger kids especially. She could have very easily hated the whole camp and not have a finished mosaic by the end if no one tried to talk to her and connect with her. I'm not going to throw shade at any of my fellow volunteers, but I wish we had the chance to talk as a group about handling kids like that. 3 of us total has been diagnosed with ADHD, and I know 3 more have it too, but I was the only one that tried to help and relate to her. We need to make sure that people working with kids can identify symptoms and learn how to work with them. I'm lucky to have ADHD, in this case, because I just thought about what I would have wanted to hear, but I wish we had something commonplace to help understand how to communicate with different types of kids.

TL;DR-

•learn about your child's symptoms, learn how to help them cope, and don't try to therapy your way out of dealing with it (it doesn't help).

•If you work directly with (young) kids in any capacity, learn how to identify symptoms and how you need to change your behavior to work with them.

•We need a guide to help with the above bullets to be considered base line minimum for working with kids.

•This one girl I helped at a summer camp loved me because I was the first person that she knew of to talk to her about ADHD. This is cute, but this also very sad considering she goes to a therapist and has been diagnosed.

#ADHD #neuroatypical #summer scholars #today was the last day :( #i loved being there for her but I shouldn't have been the first person she got to talk to about fhis with #it makes me so mad to know that she doesn't have any role models and her parents don't try to understand her #I didn't know until about a year and a half ago so my parents didnt get it either but her parents know!! and take her to behavior therapy!! #What the hell!! work with your child instead of just trying to make them neurotypical!! They won't be!! #and im going to miss my highschool and my art family :'( #long post #i rambled a little but i have ADHD and what I wrote was important

[delicioustrashlove]

Its crazy to look back on my life and the person I’ve blossomed into today. How far I came the battles and the struggles. Im a completely different person . I don't even recognize the person I used to be. iv made so many changes and had to learn so many lessons . This is the most discipline I’ve ever endured my self in . And I'm so grateful for the girl I am to day . Im proud and confident and making wise choices and solving my problems well and surrounding my self with love and positivity. These last 3 years really tested me and my strength and I wanted to give up every single day . When I say hard I mean suicidal hard , when I say struggles I mean finding the will to get out of bed , battles of self love and self care , coming out of a relationship that was abusive in every-way and surviving all the battles….. I had to force my self to change when I in-fact didn't want to .

i was content living my life of danger and chaos and toxicity . I had to go to council and therapy and sit there and face the chaos in me . Admit all my faults and take responsibly for all my wrong doings . And it was hard. I was diagnosed with depression and manic anxiety disorder and ptsd all at once. I had a med change 4 times. I went from never eating to binge eating then to developing a bulimia problem …. Hating my self to finding love in me . It's been a hell of a journey . And im honestly thankful. Because im ok and im more then okay . im amazing and I am loved and im great and wonderful and inspiring and courages and strong and im a leader . And most important im stronger then ever . This journey has taught me more then I can ever put into words . Talking about it as first is hard but its easy now because I see how far I have come . And ill never put my self back in that place, where im harmed and treating my self wrong . Change is so hard and I don't` think I ever would have done it if I wasn’t shown some tough love… by my god. I in my heart believe he knew I was on a terrible path and it wasn’t the path he had for me . It wasn’t who I was supposed to do and I was waisting my talents and magic , so he had to stop me and as stubborn as I am I had to learn the hard way. But god sends his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. And I know now he will never leave me empty handed and he wont ever do me wrong or harm . As long as I trust in him and live my life through him and continue to strive and try and get up and get ready and push my self to be great he will reward me. Trial and error is a part of life. And the harder the things are you should take that as motivation to work harder!!!!! Dont give up when things get harder , fight harder and push your self more when its hard!! Theres a reward waiting for you, and that’s a better you.

Life has been calling me for a long time now and I keep ignoring its calls. I finally answered and I'm ready. life is calling baby answer it !!! I know there is big things in store for me. Its crazy how self love and self talk can really impact you and everything I learned form all the councilors and therapist I had the pleasure to learn from I mean god bless them and they are right. Every-single thing they said has impacted my life. I avoided going to that class and I avoided change at all cost I didnt want to I was comfortable in my hell hole of a mind and ways. And once I actually went it still took forever for me to commit to that class . I skipped class, I made excuses , I got unsuccessfully discharged once and had to reenroll and it was ridiculous that I fought so hard to have my way , all I knew was my way . So its the only thing that made sense . I had to realize I need to change and that I wanted to for me. I had to want it . So I sucked it up and said to my self cant get around this one , I jus cant ;.i can only get through it . So I opened my heart and my mind to change . And thats when beauty happened I felt my self making different choices I felt my self talking different and approaching situations different .

To see where I came form I know now it was all meant to happen in that order in that way .

Im not going to be perfect im gong to mess up and screw up sometimes but my goal is to just be better every step of the way then I was yesterday or five minutes ago. Im smart but I have so much More to learn and improve on and I just cant wait . Seeing me now today in the mirror the girl I am now , nothing will stop me form anything in this world unless it was me. Ive overcome so much and theres no reason I cant handle anything . Bring it on world im so freaking ready to accomplish my life and to get it started finally .

for the record there is not one thing i would change . everything i went through shaped me in to who i am and was ultimately meant to be . mistakes are just opportunities to be better and until its served its purpose it will still keep coming around . its up to you to open your eyes . you got to ask you self " am i living my life to its full potential or am i just comfortable ? the pursuit of happiness is reached when you live for you and put you first and go sore across the sun like an eagle . we are all so magical an have so much in us . we just get distracted by money and bills and responsibilities . our government has robbed us all of our true purpose in life , the joy the beauty.... signing of this post tonight guys . will be back soon <3

#

#reflection

[mental-health-advice]

Too long for an ask

Urgent — time sensitive. So I’m going to draft a second letter (a text, really) to my mom that explains why I need help right now. I’m suicidal but it’s passive instead of active and she doesn’t understand (or possibly ignores) the reality of the situation. I asked for help all the way back in August but she hasn’t lifted a finger and she even knows about my past self harm. I don’t know what to do other than the letter and hoping for the best. Also, 3 weeks ago the councilor from the school called and told my whole family that I’d been seeing her. They all told me that I’m an honors student and that I don’t need therapy. I’ve been so depressed and it’s taking a toll on my school and social life. My friends are stiff and barely talk to me because I’m so depressed that I don’t talk to them either. I need some advice. Thank you.

Hello there,

Firstly, sorry that we couldn’t get to your message sooner. We can’t prioritise asks for the reason that all messages are urgent to the person sending it in. We can’t be the judge of who needs support faster. So we answer from oldest to newest. We are also not an emergency service, and are just here to help guide, so we ask that if you do have a more urgent matter, or need help sooner than we can give, that you contact either your emergency services, a Helpline, a Web Counsellor or see if someone can hop onto our live chat. I also want to give you this link to resources for Whilst You Wait for if you need them. I hope you understand, and again, I’m sorry for the delay in getting back to you!

I’m really proud of you for reaching out for help. That can be really hard to do, especially when people around you aren’t understanding of what you’re going through. It’s great that you’re an honors student, but that certainly doesn’t mean that you can’t be affected by mental illness or need support! I’m very sorry to hear that your family think that way.

I think that the best idea at this point is to talk with the counsellor. It sounds like she has arranged for you to have some sessions with her, and that is great. In those sessions, I’d mention the things that your family have said, and how they are about mental illness, despite her talking to them already. She may have advice, some solutions on getting support despite your family feeling this way, or have some strategies to get them onto your side. Hopefully she can also put in plans to have you referred on to further help. My parents didn’t understand mental illness very well, so my school counsellor actually had a meeting with them and talked to them about their attitudes and views on mental health, and how they could change that to help me. It really did help, and your counsellor may be able to offer something similar if it hasn’t already been done.

As for the self harm, I am sorry that you’re struggling with that. We have a page here on Self Harm that has ideas for how to cope with the harmful thoughts, and some distractions and alternatives. Give them a go, and see if they may be able to help you pull through those thoughts. At the start, it won’t always work, but I found the more that I practised, the easier they became to use. We also have a page on Depression here that may be helpful, and also a page here on School Advice. This has a section for coping with school, stress and sleep issues, and may be worth looking through to see if there are helpful tools for you.

I hope that this helps give you a clear path ahead. I do hope that the counsellor can bring your parents over to your side, and you can get further support. You deserve help, and I really am proud of you for reaching out.

Positive thoughts your way, Alexandria.

#mhaalexandria #mental health advice #advice blog #school #depression #suicidal #passive suicidal thoughts #suicidal thoughts #family #counsellor #school counsellor #self harm #seeking help #getting help #too long for an ask

[deaf-laurent]

Chapter one of Do not take it for granted

(Also available on Ao3 under the writer Desertheart)

Laurent’s bedroom was a normal room. At 13 years old he was still more interested in books than sports. Not that he didn’t work hard at both. Learning to read had taken a long time, longer than most other children, but he had no problems with it now, sometimes he came across a word he didn’t know or understand but that was common with all children. He didn’t think his deafness stopped him or made his language issues worse than others. He could read and write in Veratian, as well as lipread in it to a certain degree. He could do the same in Vaskian. He had also been able to learn some speech though according to his father he stillsounded odd so Laurent didn’t speak aloud that much. He still took speech therapy to help with that but he saw it as a lesser importance. He knew a little bit of akielon though he never really thought that it mattered as much. He thought Vaskian tales were much more interesting.

A shaking of a banner in front of his desk caught his attention. Laurent glanced up at it, it was a soft blue banner. One hung over his desk, another over his bed, one over his door, and another in his personal bathing chamber. The blue banners were all set up to a string relay system which all led together to a pulley outside of the bedroom door. When someone pulled on that string the banners would flutter so that he could see when someone was there waiting for him. He also had full time guards outside to make sure the person ‘knocking’ was not dangerous. Laurent sighed a bit and carefully stood to go over to the door. He couldn’t hear knocking and feeling small vibrations through the thick walls here was hard. So the banner system was what they used so that people didn’t just walk in when he didn’t want them too because they knew he wouldn’t hear the knocking. It had actually been Auguste who had come up with the system after Laurent had complained to him again about their father not giving him any personal space.

Laurent stood and headed to the door his long hair masterfully braided by the servants who helped lace him into his clothing every morning. Opening the door he sees Aimeric. Aimeric was councilor Guion’s son. He was the noble child who was closest in his age and so his uncle had Aimeric brought to the castle years ago to be Laurent’s interpreter and hopefully lifelong friend. They got on well enough but Laurent didn’t really consider him a friend. Though he Was always polite enough. ‘Your father requests your presence.’ Aimeric signs. He had been training in Sign Language since he was 3 years old. Almost as long as Laurent himself. Laurent rolls his eyes and nods.

‘Did he say what for this time?’ Laurent asks checking over himself to make sure he was presentable.

‘The Prince....’ Aimeric frowns and slowly starts to spell out Torveld on his fingers. Laurent watches patiently before providing the assigned sign name. Aimeric nods, ‘torveld is here and your father thinks that you being there will aid the talks.’

Laurent sighs. ‘That’s because father is hoping to pawn me off on torveld and patras.’

Aimeric giggles a bit turning to follow Laurent as he heads out. ‘Absolutely. Have the pretty prince around for torveld to look at so that your father can get a leg up over him.’

Laurent smiles a bit. Normally Aimeric was a bit dull to converse with but sometimes he said things that reminded Laurent that he spent a lot of time around him. He was rubbing off on the boy. Which Laurent was grateful for since it meant that he could guarantee that his snarky comments were being properly interpreted to his failure of a father. His father knew basic signs but wasn’t actually very good at them. His brother Auguste was fluent of course and his mother had been as well before she had passed away five years ago. A few monks still lived in the palace as well to continue training Laurent and the others. The king simply didn’t think it was worth his time. Laurent’s uncle also had learned sign language though Laurent didn’t talk with him much. He often made him uncomfortable.

‘Do you think the leg up is figurative or literal?’ Laurent asks Aimeric who smiles again.

‘You know how your father feels about that. He doesn’t even keep a pet.’

Laurent sighs and nods, ‘probably plenty of little bastards running around from his preference in women.’

‘Well the same goes for your brother’ Aimeric responds carefully. ‘I heard a few more women are distressed with him.’

Laurent sighs and nods. ‘I will make sure it is taken care of. I love Auguste but he is going to get caught one day and in trouble.’

Aimeric nods, ‘not with you watching out for him.’

Laurent gave Aimeric a smile before turning and waiting for someone to announce him into the throne room where his father was. A guard gestures him forward once they had Aimeric following close behind. His father was sitting on the throne in all his splendor with his twin brother beside him to the right, and Auguste to the left. Laurent scowls a bit at the disrespect to his brother. Auguste was the crown prince and heir to the throne and yet he was shuttered to the left while a duke stood in the place of honor on the right side. But it was nothing new to know that his father préfères his twin brother over his children. Now that his wife was gone the King often took his brothers advice over anyone else’s.

Laurent knew his father prefers it when he used his own voice to communicate, which is one of the main reasons he never did. He glanced at Aimeric who has taken his spot near the king to provide translation and lifts his hands knowing Aimeric will voice for him.

‘Father, you have called for me?’

The king frowns glancing at Aimeric “I have. I needed to speak with you about a certain proposal that has been brought up.” Laurent lazily watches the translation wishing he were back in his room, or the library, or the gardens, anywhere besides here basically.

Laurent just nods and gestures for his father to continue. He sees the king swallow and clear his throat. “It has been suggested that you become betrothed to Prince Torveld in order to further seal the alliance between our kingdoms. With a marriage date set three years from hence. You can travel back to his kingdom with him to get to know him better.”

Laurent gasps as he watches Auguste jump in shock. It was clear his older brother knew nothing of this. Auguste shook his head signing and speaking simultaneously “father! You can’t do that! Laurent is still a child and I intend to make him one of my most trusted advisors! I can’t do that if he is gone! Married off to a second prince? He is worth way more than that!”

“Auguste! Hush! He can do us the most good by becoming betrothed to Prince Torveld!”

Laurent tries to keep up, but translating between languages was hard and Aimeric struggles to keep up as the king and Auguste continue to argue. Laurent can tell they are shouting and Aimeric eventually gives up apologizing and saying he can’t keep up and it’s better for him to listen so he can summarize it for Laurent later. Laurent nods quietly watching the heated exchanges.

Eventually they fall quiet and the king raises his hands, ‘my decision is final.’ He signs and Laurent feels his heart sink. Auguste turns and storms away from the throne towards Laurent grabbing onto his arm and escorting him out. Laurent follows struggling to keep up with his brothers longer stride. Eventually Auguste comes to a vault in the gardens by the stream.

‘Laurent my brother I am so sorry. I had no idea that he was planning this. Torveld has children older than you. I am going to do everything I can to stop it.’ Auguste promises sliding to sit on a bench in front of Laurent.

Laurent shakes his head. ‘I know that you didn’t have anything to do with it. You would never let this slide. Please stop it though. I don’t want to marry. I want to stay here with you. I’ve been studying for years so that I can be your advisor and Aimeric has been practicing so that he can better translate arguments like you and father have. He isn’t quite there but he is only thirteen! He will be good enough soon!’ Laurent responds sitting beside him. Auguste nods.

‘Don’t you worry about it. I will figure something out. Now why don’t you tell me what you were reading up on today. Then perhaps we can go horse riding later on?’

Laurent nods smiling as he begins to explain the tariffs he had been studying. He wanted to know everything he could.

[olympus-summit]

The Karma of Evil Will Not End | Shinobu | Post-Trial 4.1 | re: everyone, ATTN: Fates

The arguing only got worse, and with every hurt, angry noise Shinobu just curled in tighter and tighter on his throne. It was only when the thread was finally cut that they leapt out like an unwound spring, hurrying to Tenko’s altar. In the end, it was the guilt-slinging that tipped Shinobu’s choice. Shinobu was someone easily motivated by shame, even after all these years.

The granola bar was back in his hands as the final few dolls were set in place, but his appetite was completely gone now – the bar now served only as stress relief as Shinobu crushed it, feeling it deform underneath the wrapper. His grip only tightened when that smug gamer jackass came by to ignite the blaze, and he wanted to tune out Charon’s words so much, but—

‘Bringing around sharp objects willy-nilly and swinging dummy arms around like everything’s a weapon?’

“The dummy arm – shit. The arm.”

Shinobu had completely forgotten it. Swords were so much ominous, of course, and finding a pair of recently-cleaned swords hidden under someone’s mattress? Who would care about a broken dummy’s arm hidden away after seeing something like that?

It was too little too late. They’d been wrong, doubly wrong, and… and, in that sense, they had been doomed so early on, hadn’t they? Because the moment the trial became about all about Elliott and no one could turn the momentum away from him, it could only be him or Tenko. There had been attempts to suggest the possibility of a third party, but they were always deflected and re-centered back on the two.

And the anger began anew, the heat of the room rising exponentially with the flame burning bright. Condemnations were immediately set upon Elliott, and then upon each other when they decided to start slinging blame at each other over this and that. All the while, Shinobu drew his knees up to his chest; it felt wrong putting his shoes up on the seat of his chair, but he was beyond caring, wanting nothing more than to shrink into the smallest possible posture he could manage. Could he shrink enough to leave this room entirely?

The first sign of life from Shinobu was quiet protests when Evren brought up his name, with some hint of bitterness (more at Elliott and the people who’d most passionately defended him, but…)

“Wh-what? Why am I…?”

Of course Shinobu knew why, he’d claimed earlier to have been all alone during a portion of that critical time period. And it wasn’t as if the accusation was aimed at him, really, it was more about highlighting how many people lacked alibis and why Evren thought Rei was the most suspect of those left.

But it did remind Shinobu of one thing: If Elliott of all people could pull something like this off, then no one here was above suspicion. Everyone could be a potential killer or at least an accomplice, just waiting for the right spark to set them off.

What an ugly thought, not being able to trust anyone.

Mina said his name too, and Shinobu meekly nodded. His own tears had stopped some time ago, but the red splotchiness all over his face and the weak timbre of his voice suggested there could be more at any time.

“She’s right, I showed up… a bit before 1:30. We both s-stayed until closing time, she went off to her room, a-and I… went to the theater arcade. A-Alone. But I-I went to the library before 3, and later Sol and Dr. Rivera showed up!”

Elliott wasn’t the only target of everyone’s ire, and the accusation at Rei wasn’t quite gaining traction beyond a few people. Would they turn their anger to Shinobu next? For being alone during a portion of the critical period?

For the time being, it sounded like they preferred to turn their claws on other people, screaming in circles over every slight and sin that they’d all committed, past and present. Secrets were outed, bonds were disavowed, schemes were planted, and… and…

“Hey.”

Too quiet. The only thing that loud people listened to was more yelling. Anger liked anger.

“Please, stop it, just—”

Violence was proof that one existed. Cuts on the thumb, swords to the chest and neck, bruises and twisted ankles and charts of numbers printed out to shame bodies, words of anger and abuse and rejection. Violence left its mark on every one of them and maybe – and for a moment, Shinobu just wanted to scream at them all, say that maybe none of them had ever been worthy, that all of them had become killers a long time ago when they sent Ryu to the pyre and maybe, maybe, just maybe they really did deserve…

No. No, what the fuck, Shinobu?

He was better than this. He hadn’t… he hadn’t rebuilt his entire life in another prefecture, hadn’t gone through therapy and surgery to make himself more comfortable in his own skin, hadn’t worked his way up to national championships and a respectable academic record just to go right back to breaking himself on the rocks just to prove his own existence and worthiness.

And he was sure that none of the other councilors came here to throw away their own lives, either. It was too late for so many of them, but…

But right now, Shinobu was becoming very conscious of the ropes on his chair that were digging into his back. Trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach (fear? hunger? a ghost of his past telling him it’s his fault he’s such a failure?), he finally spoke up.

“Y-You’re not really suggesting we start tying people up, a-are you!? We don’t even know for sure if Kizaki actually – a-at least let her explain h-herself first!

And… and I don’t understand why w-we’re suddenly assuming everything is being broadcast right now. That’s… dangerous, to them. The Fates and Charon – they’re running some kind of… of a coup against the Summit. And Titan wouldn’t just let them get away with – d-do you think they want more of that coming here!?”

Shinobu jabbed a finger towards the patched-up wall.

“Titan didn’t s-say anything about the murders, right? They only cared about Dr. Rivera’s secrets. I-It’s one thing to broadcast that, because the Fates can control the narrative and how m-much to reveal… b-but I don’t think they’d show any more than they have to, because it calls too much attention to them. Not… Not that I don’t think they wouldn’t want all eyes on them eventually, when they’re ready, but it’s just… What would they gain from broadcasting this unedited now? It’s… it’s just like you said.”

And suddenly, Shinobu wasn’t talking to the council anymore. He was talking to the Fates, to Charon if he was watching from afar, and to Atropos especially since she was the one who confronted Shinobu at the archery range. He lifted his head to fake looking brave, even as he shut his eyes tightly, heart hammering away in his chest.

“You said that… that the old council freaked out wh-when you dumped everything on them at once. I-Is that why we’re being strung along like this instead?

Is this, this – th-this anger, us fighting, us wanting to fucking murder e-each other right here and now – is this conductive to your plan? S-Sacrificing us for the greater good… but… I thought you rejected that ideology? I thought you s-said that you… that you rejected her, because you thought she w-would do ‘horrible things’ and damn the few, just to prevent s-some other calamity.

Isn’t that why Sakura Arai had to die?”

By invoking her name, Shinobu knew there was no turning back. The box was open, and there was no Pandora to close it back up.

Good. Maybe if Shinobu was dying today then he’d have done at least one thing of lasting importance.

#chapter 4 #trial 4 #shinobu #submission