#anyway i still wonder this every other week lmao

[grippingbeskar]

small favours

— joel miller x fem!reader

— warnings: explicit content minors dni, smutttt, dirty talk, very minimal plot sorry not sorry, swearing, needles, mention of injuries/cuts

— a/n: happy tlou release week!! this is set in jackson between the first and second game, i wrote the first part before i saw the show but just imagine with me okay. and it’s literally just bc i saw joel in that denim shirt and went yeah… i wanna fuck him in that. lmao. also dedicated to @everybirdfellsilent because we have been waiting for this show for so long and it’s finally here and oaoxosoxosox. wow.

You hadn’t asked for much.

It was a simple fix, you were sure of it. Yes, you don’t know anything about how to fix hinges, nor do you have any clue about how you broke it in the first place. Either way, it’s just a few screws and a metal piece, so was it really that hard to find five minutes to fix it?

Leading another one of the horses into the stable, you pointedly step over the gate that now lays on the floor, too heavy for you to move it. The horse tramples it, of course, which is why you had asked for someone to come and fix it before the horses were brought back in from patrol. Clearly, no one gave a shit about your question, but you know they’d all be the first to complain if it was their horse that got out through a broken gate.

It was late now, anyways. Too late for you to get anyone out, and even with the safety of Jackson’s walls keeping you blocked off from the outside world, being out at night still freaked you. When you finally got the horse in your hand settled and fed, you promptly sat yourself on the floor of the stable. Without the front gate, it wasn’t safe to leave the horses alone. With your luck, they’d get spooked and run all the way through town, and the last thing you needed was more reason for the people in here to look at you.

It wasn’t that you weren’t liked— you just kept to yourself. This life was hard enough as it is, and you didn’t see the point in making friends when in five years this place would probably be full of strangers. People die every day out here, you knew that too well. You wanted to save yourself the heartache wherever you could.

All that anti social behaviour certainly didn’t win you any favours though— hence the still broken door. You loved it— you were good with horses, having lived in a farm before the outbreak, so you decided to volunteer to help in the stables, but it was hard work sometimes. It kept you busy enough, though, and horses never wanted to make conversation, so… win-win.

There was only one problem with working in here. Truthfully, it wasn’t so much as a problem and more of a chronic condition. At least, that’s the way it felt every time Joel Miller made some kind of appearance. Most people just left the horses tied up out front for you to take care of, but Joel seemed to enjoy the peace the stable provided— that and you never talked much, which seemed to work for him. On the days he’d come back from patrol, the two of you would share a few hushed conversations as you worked and he hid from the rest of Jackson, and then you’d fall into a comfortable silence, sometimes for hours at a time.

Weeks had passed like this, and every single day you got a little bit more interested in who the man really was, other than his clear infatuation with his horse. Right when he came in would be the time you talked the most, after about forty minutes it would get too busy and you’d work until the sun set. But those forty minutes started to stretch a little longer, and he seemed to gain interest in you, too. Maybe you were grasping at straws, but hearing Joel’s low voice rumble a few more words every time he spoke to you was doing wonders for your self esteem, and even you couldn’t deny the way your face warmed when he smiled at you.

“Hey, you still— damn. What happened here?” Joel calls from the gaping hole that is the stable door, and only because it’s his voice calling you do you look up.

“It’s been broken all day. I asked someone to fix it, but…” You shrug, sighing and leaning your head back on the small gate that was the only thing holding the horse behind you from leaping out down the main street. “I guess they had other shit to do. I can’t move it on my own.”

Joel considers you for a second, how your frame is backed against the gate, conveniently placed at the closest point to the open door. Then, he looks back to the door on the ground, and back up to you. He smirks.

“So you were plannin’ on sitting in here all night?” The weight of the day makes your shoulders slump forward, and for the first time you really consider your plan. “You gonna body check a horse when he makes a run for it?”

“Okay, it was a dumb plan. But, it’s that or let them all out and get stuck cleaning up the bar floor or something.” He smiles again, the setting sun behind him washing over his shoulders in a pretty orange colour. A tilt of his head in your direction has you standing up, taking the lead of his horse that he offers to you.

“You take him, I’ll go get my tools. Fix it up before sun down.” Before you can protest or tell him he doesn’t have to, he’s walking off to the right up the hill where his house sits.

You’d always been a bit jealous of the spot his house is. It’s far away enough from everyone that you get some real privacy, but close to the stables if you need a quick exit. He had a porch, too. One you spent a little too much of your time staring at during your work hours, when he spent his off days strumming a guitar right in your line of sight. He was just… peaceful to observe. He brought a calm to you that no one else seemed to be able to do, almost enough that you could forget about the world outside and just exist in that little bubble for a while.

You lead Joel’s horse inside, hearing it trample the door again, and hang up his saddle next to the stable. Joels horse is much like him— quiet unless provoked. You found it out the hard way when you first led it in with a routinely aggressive horse, thinking it’s demeanour would calm him down. The next morning you woke up to two very angry horses and a half bent gate of steel.

“Saved you your favourite spot.” You say to his horse, Old Beardy. You never asked how Joel picked the name, but for some reason it worked so well— at least, he was definitely older than most. “See? He’s right up there.”

The stable at the back was angled just right so that the small window at the height of a horses head pointed directly towards Joel’s porch. Not close enough to see anything other than the outside, but enough that you know it’s there. You don’t come in here often, Joel always taking his own horse in, but when you do you can’t help but notice the instant calming effect it has on Beardy— you might have more in common with this horse than half the people in Jackson.

When you find your way back to the front, Joel’s footsteps are trudging back down the hill. You’ll be fairly useless as anything other than company while he fixes the door, but you can’t seem to stop your heart from racing a million miles a minute as he gets closer and closer. Yes, he makes you forget about everything on the outside, but that’s mainly due to how insane he drives you. All those conversations in the stables and too long looks in town are just all too consuming, and now, when you see him come into sight, you have to put some physical difference between him and you.

“You don’t have to, Joel. Really, I’m sure someone’ll—“

“No, they won’t. Knowin’ the people around here, you’ll be sleepin’ on the floor till next year.” He bends down, and you drop yourself back to the floor and stare in some kind of mesmerised silence as he runs his hands over the broken hinges of the door.

In a few passing thoughts you’d never admit to yourself, you have an obsession with his hands. He was just so…capable. He could do so many things so easily— and some kind of backward wire in your brain fizzled with electricity at the sight of him in his element. He starts fiddling with tools, first starting to remove the broken hinge, muscles flexing as he tears off the old bolts.

“What happened?” He says, the words muffled by the screwdriver in his mouth.

“I have no clue. When I woke up this morning it was blown in. I spent a good hour trying to move it but it’s so—“ With one arm, he pulls it up to stand vertical, a fist wrapping around the edge of the gate. It doesn’t even look like he tried. “—heavy.”

“Come ‘ere and hold it straight.” He says, keeping one arm out in front of him, the other still holding the door up. “I won’t let it fall. Come on.”

“Like this?” You say, staring down at him as you finally reach the door and take a little bit of the weight. He flicks his eyes up, nodding and shifting on his knees to get a better angle on the door.

“Perfect.” He says softly, looking up at you for another split second before clearing his throat and screwing on a new hinge.

“You really didn’t have to do this, but thank-you.” Joel shakes his head, his fingers fiddling with a latch.

“Least I can do. Everyone should be up here helpin’ you anyways.” He stands up, and with only a barrier the width of a gated door, you can feel his body heat keeping you warm when he towers over you. “Keep holding it still.”

“Yeah.” You manage, eyes fluttering closed. “People help, though.”

“Oh, I bet.” He says, sarcasm dripping off his words as he laughs dryly.

“They do! Sometimes… I mean, it’s not their fault. I’m kind of a hermit up here. I don’t really make an effort, so I can’t blame them.” He stops working, his knuckles white over the railing of the gate, and looks to you.

“You’ve trained all these new horses to track better than those guys ever could. They’d die out there without ‘em. Carl doesn’t know his left from right— he got lost eight times last patrol. It’s cause of your horses he got back safe.” Joel’s face is more serious, his eyes sharp but still with a hint of softness that he often looks at you with. “Doesn’t matter if you ain’t makin’ friends. This ain’t middle school, and people should be helpin’ you no matter what. Least of all fixing a door.”

“That’s why I keep you around, Joel.” You smile lightly, his voice getting lower the angrier he gets.

“Good. You tell me next time, and I’ll come round and help. Avoid the whole town all together.” You hum, letting go of the gate as he hauls it up in the air and shuffled backward, setting it against the hinges. “How do you know so much about horses?”

“I lived on a farm, way back when. Besides, they’re easy to navigate once you get to know them.” Joel puts the screwdriver back in his mouth, and you can’t help but stare at him. The small scars on his face, peppered around his cheeks. Some are older, worn and faded, while the one across his nose is new. It’s not even scarred yet, still fresh

“You okay?” He says softly, tilting his head.

“Your face.” His eyebrows furrow, and you shake your head. “Sorry. You… did something happen on patrol? You have a cut—“

“Just a few clickers. Real old, hauled up in a caravan out west. Nothing we couldn’t handle.” The door drops into place, and he swings it out towards him. It sounds less squeaky than it usually did. “Good as new.”

“You should clean it.” You say, worry edging in your voice. “If it was clickers.”

“I’m fine.” He shrugs it off.

“Come on. It’s the least I can do. I have a first aid kit in the back, and then we can call it even.” He relents, locking the door behind him and stepping further into the stables. “Sit. I’ll get the kit.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You can hear a small smirk on his voice, and you roll your eyes, turning around to find the kit. “Why you got a first aid kit in here anyways?”

“You’re using it now, aren’t you?” You turn around, raising your eyebrows. “You’d be surprised how many people come here before going to medical. I started to stock up a little, do what I can. It’s not much, but I can clean it off and do some botched stitches until they see a real doctor.”

“And none of those guys came up to fix the god damn door?” He was getting angry again, and you tried to ignore the shiver that went up your spine when he spoke like that.

He was sitting on a small stool, putting him about waist height. When you stepped closer, shuffling your feet on the floor, he tilted his head up. His open legs invited you closer, nearly drawing you in with a magnetic field he was completely unaware of.

Armed with a cotton ball and disinfectant, your fingers were light enough to breeze along his jaw to hold him in place. He stares up at you, watching your eyes as they flit between the cut on his nose and his wandering gaze. His face is warm when you work up the courage to place your palm on his cheek, thumb gently smoothing over the salt and pepper flecks of his beard. He doesn’t flinch away when you press the cotton ball to his face, swiping across the bridge of his nose.

“Does it hurt?” You whisper, feeling the need to keep your voice low.

“No.” He does the same, the heat of his body making you shuffle slightly closer. His hands are in fists on his knees, like he’s straining to keep himself still. “Told you it was fine.”

“And I told you I wanted to help.” When you’re satisfied with the results, you take a fresh cotton pad and dry it up. “You might need stitches. It’s deep.”

“Go on.” He says, and you lean back, eyes wide.

“You want me to stitch your face together?”

“Good practise, and I trust you.” The simple words have your heart slamming against your rib cage, but instead of showing it you kneel in between his legs and search the contents of the kit for a needle.

“If I mess up your face, you knew what you signed up for.” When you find what you’re looking for, you straighten, Joel’s face is right in front of you. It takes you a second to realise just how close he is, and the position isn’t lost on him either. It’s probably the most emotive you’ve seen him, his jaw going tight from how hard he’s biting down.

“It’s already messed up. You’re fine.” He manages, his voice strained.

“Hold still.” Whispering the words, you lean closer and bring the needle to his skin. His eyes close, and it’s when you press the point into his nose that his hands shoot out in front of him, holding your hips gently.

“Sorry. Shit—“

“It’s fine. Are you okay?” He grunts in a way you think is affirming, so you keep threading the needle. You only need one stitch for a spot this small. “Your face isn’t messed up.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not. Messed up.” You feel his thumbs stroke along the bone of your hip just once before he stills again. You tie off the stitch, and his eyes open. “There. You’re pretty again.”

Your breathing was rapid even though you didn’t have a true reason for it, but neither of you moved. His hands— strong and so fucking capable, holding you still on your knees in front of him. His eyes were pools, inviting you in with a gleam of something shiny, and where you were nearly gasping he was calm and collected. In his element, like he was right where he should be.

The whole stable was a dull orange now, the colours dusting through the strands of Joel’s hair. It’s never really sitting right, wind whipping it out of control on patrol, but you have the urge to run your hands through it anyway. You let yourself explore one small piece of him, like he has to you, and your fingertips run back over the shell of his ear, tangling in his hair. He sucks in a short breath, leaning into the hold of your hand.

“Joel.” You say, voice so soft he would of never heard you if you weren’t so close, but you call for him and he leans closer. Your foreheads nearly touch, and his hands tighten their hold on you.

“Thank you, darlin’.” You sigh deeply, unable to keep yourself upright at the nickname. It rings through you, his accent strong and adding an entire other layer to why he’s so easy to fall into. You don’t even really notice how dark it’s gotten— you usually have sprinted home by now. But Joel’s here, and with him this close, you can’t think of anything else. He leans closer, and your eyes flutter closed.

“Can I kiss you?” He says, the brush of his lips against yours sending a tidal wave of need from your head to your feet.

“Only if you hurry up.” You answer helplessly, voice cracking, and he smiles against you and finally brings his mouth to yours.

It’s anything but calm. That peaceful energy of the stables is completely shattered and sorted into something electrical and sizzling. He yanks you forward, bodies pressing together as you use the leverage of your hand fisted in his hair to kiss him harder and deeper. It doesn’t take long before his tongue is swiping along your bottom lip, seeking permission.

You let him in— you’d let him do whatever he asked for if he kept pouring himself into you like this. He tasted good, which should be impossible but when you’ve been starved of something for this long it doesn’t matter what he does it’s just that he’s giving it to you. He moves his hands to the small of your back, pressing your hips right in the middle of his open legs, his other hand on the back of your head.

You feel him groan when you press together, the sound waking up parts of you that had been dormant for far too long. It was like he had access to each nerve in your body, and every little sound or touch had them blaring red and sparking.

“Fuck, darlin’. Come closer.” He groans into your mouth before kissing you again. You smile for a moment, not entirely sure how you could get any closer, and then it’s wiped off when he hauls you upward, hooking your legs around his waist on the stool. “Yeah. Right here.”

Your arms cling around his neck, his own searching up and down your body. Your shirt rides up with the movements and you moan every time he grazed along your skin. There’s something equally hard and soft about his hands— rough from years of work but soft with the way they hold you up, how they’re careful not to dip too low or high. You arch your back, giving him wordless permission, and he groans into your mouth again.

At some point you have to breath— both of you gasping for air in the quiet of the darkened stables. He brings his hands to your face, holding you against his forehead so he can look into your eyes. He was smiling too— like actually smiling, not that half smirk you’ve seen so often.

“What are we doin’?” He laughs, kissing you again.

“I don’t know, but can we keep going somewhere that doesn’t smell like horse shit?” You whisper and he laughs again. It’s sounds so good— like the sound of the beginning of your favourite song. It makes your heart sing, melting you into the tune. “Please, Joel. I really want…”

“Tell me, baby.” He moves, angles your head with swift moves of his fingers so he can kiss you lower. Under your jaw, and then he drags his mouth down, along your neck, teeth nipping softly… “Fuck knows I wanna hear you say it.”

“You. I really want you.” He hums against your skin, one arm hooking under your ass as he stands easily. You squeal, muffling the sound in the mop of hair on his head. As you walk outside, there’s only a few people still mulling around, and they turn their heads towards you when they hear your soft laughter mixed with Joel’s— two sounds that seem to alarm them more than clickers.

For the first time since you’d been here, you really don’t care if people are looking at you, or what they’re saying. When Joel locks the gate behind you and slides you down his chest to let your feet touch the floor, you are reminded once again of his ability to remove every single thought from your mind except him. Just him, and his hands on your hips, spinning you around and leading you up the hill towards his house. How every so often he’ll bend down, pressing his lips lightly to the back of your neck, and how you can feel his smile on your skin.

He guides you easily, your body on auto pilot to his small gestures, and when you finally rush up the few steps of his porch— one you’ve spent way too much time staring at from afar, you’re both attached to each others face like horny teenagers. He fumbles with the doors lock, jamming keys with aggressive force while his other hand stays soft and sweet on your waist, holding you against him. When the door gives out behind you he never lets you stumble, taking you in his stride with practised precision. You’ve seen the inside of his house, but never the layout, so as he guides you blindly through the hallway, your shut eyes and occupied mouth never see it coming when you fall backwards onto a bed.

“Let me take this off.” He mumbles against your lips, tugging at your shirt and jacket. In a tangle of limbs you both shove at the material, finally hooking it over your head. He presses you flat against the mattress again, hanging over you and running his hands up and down your sides in long, soothing strokes. “God damn gorgeous.”

“Your turn.” The blaze in his eyes dulls slightly at your comment, and he just bends to kiss you again. He links your hands in his own, pulling you away from where they were tugging at his shirt. “Joel.”

“Nothin’ there you wanna see, baby. Just let me look at you.” As sweet as his voice sounds, and as much as you want him to continue, you pull away from his greedy mouth.

“Please take your fucking shirt off.” You say harshly, biting at his bottom lip hard enough for his eyes to open again. He looks over you, taking in the sight of you under him with your arms pinned above your head, back arched towards him. He’s clearly contemplating how difficult it would be to ignore you, smirking a little when he looks up at your hands again.

“Or what? You gonna make me stop?” He kisses under your jaw, his free hand skating along your side, only stopping when his fingers reach the hem of your jeans. When he hears you gasp as his hand disappears under the fabric, he laughs. “Nah, you won’t make me stop. Want it just as bad as I do, don’t you?”

“But I want—“

“Shh, shh. I’ll give you what you want.” His mouth his dizzying— words and movements hot against your skin as his hand bypasses your underwear and drags slow circles against your clit, immediately drawing his name from your lips again. “There you go, darlin’. Feels good?”

“God— yeah, faster. Please.” Your chest was rising and falling so fast, trying to pull the air he was punching out of your lungs with every quick movement of his fingers. He hums at the praise, and you feel him shift above you, sitting up so he could slip one finger inside of you. “Fuck, Joel!”

“I know, baby.” He tilts his head up to kiss you again, tongue matching the fast and unpredictable pace of his hand. You can feel it building— pleasure rippling up your spine and fizzing low in your stomach, and your hands tug under Joel’s unrelenting grip.

He seems to forget he was meant to be holding you, his groans and concentration all focused on the way he was fucking you with his hand, so he lets you go, his hand going to hold your face. It makes you smile under him, but it quickly gets lost when you moan his name again, rolling your hips against him.

Now your hands are free, you have a moment of clarity when your eyes flutter open and see him staring at you; eyes flitting between your face and your chest. You want to have that— to see skin you’ve only thought about in the late hours of the night when you were alone, never admitting it to yourself when you woke the next day. You grab onto the hem of his shirt, ripping the denim up as far as you can, getting your hands on the bare skin of his back.

He doesn’t help you— too obsessed with the way you are writhing and moaning so loud the poeple down the street will know what your doing. Neither of you care about anything else than this, right here, and the fiery hot spark that’s lighting you up inside.

“Shirt, Joel.” You tug at the collar, then card your fingers through his hair and pull. He grumbles something, and then you whimper when his hand leaves you and he sits up on his knees. He was out of breath, towering over you and keeping you caged underneath him as he tore the shirt over his head and threw it behind him. When he leans back down, he doesn’t give you the time to admire him that you’d like, but you take what he gives you. He shoves your own jeans down, shaking them off you in one tug, and your eyes hardly have time to open before you feel the backs of your calves press against the flexing muscles of his bare shoulders.

“Perfect.” He says, speech almost slurred, and the look he gives you reminds you of the one he gave you in the barn. Before you can think enough on it, both of his hands hold your hips down and he gives you one last look before he buried his face in your pussy.

It doesn’t take much to have you screaming his name again, that sweet hot pleasure that was building so quickly comes rushing back with the wet heat of his mouth. He eats you out like he’s fucking hungry for it— pulling borderline shouts from deep in your chest, like something is bashing against your ribcage, only awoken by his complete and utter devotion. His tongue swirls and fingers curl, and you lose sense of direction, clawing at his hair and feeling his groan when you pull him into you.

There’s no where to go, stuck under his weight as he dives into your taste, at his mercy entirely. It was so different to see him undone— a sight you wouldn’t be able to forget next time he came into the stables all soft eyes and short words. No, here he was holding your eye contact, groaning your name as if you were the one doing this to him. He gave you no choice but to hurtle towards the edge of consciousness, knowing you wouldn’t be able to hold out under him much longer.

“Joel. Joel— fuck.” His lips wrap around your clit, sucking gently while his fingers curl inside you in a spot that has you seeing stars. “Oh, god—“

He doesn’t say anything when you cum, just groans into your pussy as he guides you through it. He sets pace and intensity, both of which are hard and almost unbearable, and he only drags himself away when you beg him to. Your legs shake, his hands smoothing over your thighs as his mouth presses wet kisses up your skin, over your stomach and chest, finally reaching your mouth with an overwhelming force.

You hum, tasting the combination of you and him together on his tongue, taking everything he needs to give you. He shuffles up, and you feel his cock pressing hard against your thigh, still straining in his jeans. You let him kiss you lazily, let him explore you this way while your hands busy themselves between your bodies, unzipping his jeans. When your palm brushes over his length still covered by his boxers, he hisses and his eyebrows furrow, like the pleasure is almost painful. You do it again and he shudders, pressing his forehead to yours.

“You’re so soft.” He murmurs past your ear when you slip your hand under the waistband. When your fingers wrap around him, you stay true to his word and stay light with your touch, not wanting him to finish just yet. You want to make it good for him— draw it out. Pay him back for everything he gave to you; not just tonight, but every night. “So fucking soft. Sweet.”

“You like that?” You ask innocently, stroking him again. Your thumb brushes over his tip and he shudders again, nearly shivering. “I can be gentle. Want you inside me, though.”

“Whatever you want. Fuck— anything you want to do to me. Please, baby. Not gonna last long if you keep doing that.” A single please was enough to grant him a thousand wishes, but you’ll settle for giving him just one.

He helps rid himself of the rest of his clothes, no insecurity in sight with the lower half of his body. There was no need to be… he was big. It made sense— he was a big guy, but it wasn’t just that. He was just… perfect.

“Eyes on me.” He says, pulling your gaze away from where your bodies are about to meet. “I want to see your face when I…”

He trails off when his tip lines up with your entrance. You bite your lip in anticipation, feeling the soaked pleasure coating him as he finally slides himself further and further. You both sigh, like a weight is being lifted from both of you. As if this was the way you were both meant to be.

He bottoms out, head buried in the crook of your neck as he chokes out your name. You feel full— the weight and stretch holding you to the bed, your arms strung lazily around his neck. Your fingers wander down his spine, keeping that soft lilt to your touch that he seems to thrive under. For all his hardness and strength, it’s the lightest touches that seem to crumble him the most.

“Fuck, baby. Feel so good around me.” Joel never speaks for the fun of it, but he says these things like he needs to. Strained and focused, like it’s a compulsion to tell you how good it feels. “Needed to fuck you for so long. You gonna let me make you feel good, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Joel. Please, I need— need you to move.” You whine like a spoilt child, and you are now that you’ve had a taste. He laughs once, a breathless sound, and then pulls out nearly all the way, only to slide back in with that same trained pace.

“Good girl.” He groans, and then picks up the pace.

It’s devastating. It’s the only way to describe it. He fucks you hard and slow, slowly etching himself into parts of your being you aren’t entirely sure he didn’t just create himself. Like he’s forged apart of you just for him, something low and hot, and he hits it with every, perfectly timed thrust. The bed rocks under him, but he doesn’t seem to care. Its creaks and groans are drowned out by his words and both of your moans.

You are incoherent— overcome by pleasure that shocks even the nerves in your fingers and toes, but it seems to have the opposite effect on Joel. He doesn’t fucking shut up— and it’s about the hottest thing you’ve ever experienced.

“So fucking tight around me.”

“God, you feel good.”

“You are so beautiful.”

“Gonna fuck you for days.” Is the last one you hear before his groans turn to borderline whimpers, his pace stuttering as you feel the coil in your stomach tighten and snap all at once. “Oh, fuck that’s it. Cum again for me. Jesus Christ—“

“Joel.” You can only whisper now— voice so strained that nothing could come out but his name. Your eyes roll back and you feel him fuck into you one or two more times, and then he pulls out and replaces himself with his hand. You ride out your pleasure on his skilled fingers, another wave of heat numbing you when you feel him spill onto your stomach, your back arching off the bed.

The room is suddenly dead quiet, nothing but panting breaths filling the silent house. He is still hanging over you, you can feel both of his forearms next to your head as he leans down to kiss you again. The warmth of his body is lifted just enough for him to use something soft to clean you off, and then he collapses beside you, tugging you onto his chest.

He runs his hand through your hair, stopping at your jaw to tilt you up. He kisses you again, the lack of oxygen making you giddy and dizzy, and you break the kiss only because your smiling so wide.

“What’s so funny?” He says, trying to be serious, but even in the dark you can see his matching grin.

“Just happy. Can I be happy?” It’s meant to be light hearted, but you feel him stop for a second, and then he tugs you a little closer.

“Yeah. Yeah, you can be.” He tucks you under his chin, sighing deeply as the rest of your body turns into him and tangles itself with him. “I am.”

You open your eyes a final time, seeing the pitch black dark outside. If it was light, you’d be able to see the stable from here, but it’s black out there. Usually it would make you uneasy, but tucked up under Joel’s safe arms, there’s nothing in the world that could make you feel more at peace.

#joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel killer x y/n #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal x reader

[midnightorchids]

More soft Jason ideas since you deserve it and your wonderful and supper cool Girldad!Jason BRRROOOOOOO Oh my goddddddd ok like- - Jason is the kind of dad who always has music playing in the house, he mindlessly sways and hums along as he makes morning (or night-time) pancakes for you and his little girl. She'll come running up to him, her thick black hair tangled over her face, and pull on his pant leg. He'll sweep her up into his arms, her small head fitting perfectly against his chest as she watches him make breakfast, still somewhat asleep and aloof. He'll start bopping along to the music with her little hands around his neck, filling up the kitchen with shrieks of laughter and he peppers her soft cheeks with kisses. - I feel like you and him would like in a beach house, somewhere away from the city and his old job as Red Hood. Your daughter would bring home buckets of pretty rocks and sea glass that Jason keeps in jars along the living room windowsills. He has to dump some back onto the shore every time he sees her washing the new rocks and shells on the front porch. - After long summer days of playing and wrestling in the waves, you would all curl up for a post-beach nap. Smelling like salt with the prick of the sun settling into your tired bones. Your daughter would fit perfectly between you two. Jasons hand behind his head with his other wrapped firmly around you and his little girl. - Get's his daughter obsessed with reading just as much as he is. Would build her book-shelf after book-self as her collection of story-books and middle grade fairy books expands. - Helps his daughter roast marsh mellows during the beach bonfires you guys have when Roy and his daughter visit. Your daughter and Lian are best friends- playdates once a week kind of thing. - When she's little, he'll always have his daughter on his knee during big family dinners. He let's her eat anything off of his plate, keeping his arm around her as he talks with Dick. - Overall, just- every-time he falls asleep next to you he feels like crying into your shoulder, unable to thank you enough for bringing such a precious perfect bundle of laughter into his life. Huge 'my wife showed me how to love and my daughter showed me how to forgive energy lmao.

I want night time pancakes with Jason and my little baby girl wtf!!! Also, thank you so much for sending this in. I love it and I literally fail to understand how you pull up with the most amazing scenarios every time, I’m actually in love with your writing!! You’re amazing!

Anyways lol!! I’m gonna be honest, I don’t want to have biological children but for Jason… I’d do it, no hesitation. He’d be the most amazing girl dad, I love him so so so much.

I’m not sure if people have already said this before but can you imagine him learning how to do your daughter’s hair!! He has a YouTube hair tutorial playing on the TV as your daughter sits in between his legs. He’s got bobby pins in between his teeth and hair ties around his wrist. He’s using a small comb to gently brush through her little curls.

He’s learning how to braid her hair and he’s having some difficulty, but he’s a persistent man, and like he always tells his little girl, practice makes perfect! He will sit there for days, hours upon hours, trying to make the most flawless set of Dutch braids. Once he’s succeeded at his craft, he’ll admire his work and will tell his daughter to go show you his skills. And oh my goodness, how adorable does she look showing off her father’s braiding skills!!

I also saw a quote on Instagram earlier today and it said that “tenderness is in the hands” and I immediately thought of Jason. There is no one with gentler hands than Jason. His fingers may be rough and his knuckles might be permanently bruised from his past, but when he interlocks his hands with his baby girl, they are the most delicate and warmest hands she has ever felt.

He will run his fingers through her hair, as she lays her tiny head against his chest and he’ll read her favourite stories. She’ll take his hands out of her hair and just play with his fingers. Trace little shapes on his palm, measure her small hand against his big, calloused ones. It’ll melt Jason’s heart and he’ll feel like crying. There will be days where he needs to stop reading and take a minute to appreciate the tenderness of the moment, without completely crumbling.

Also, I kind of hate to say it, but it’s so true. Jason would totally try to heal his daddy issues by being the best possible parent.

He’d treat his daughter like an actual princess and not just in terms of materialistic things. He’d be there for her in every circumstance; he’d be the best moral support and the best cheerleader anyone could ask for.

If your daughter plays any sports or plays an instrument, any thing really, he’d always be there to encourage her and comfort her when it started to become tough. He’d attended every game, every practice, every performance. Like I said, the best cheerleader.

Basically long story short, I’d die for soft, girl dad Jason.

#fem!reader #jason todd #red hood #jason todd imagine #red hood imagine #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd headcanon #red hood headcanon #batfam

[evermorehoon]

❣︎ ⎯⎯ reshaping reality

idol pairing: jake x reader

wc: 2.3k

genre: angst, fluff!

warnings: memory loss, separation, some crying of course, unintentionally recreating a meet cute, happy ending!

A/N: well say hello to my comeback work! idk I felt bad about the first one so I made this one to compensate and give y/n a happy ending. seeing as I did write this quite quickly, it might not be good since im very rusty and my fluff is ass😭 but anyway, feedback and appreciation is appreciated in any form so enjoy♡

here's part one in case you wanna refresh your memory (unlike someone lmao)

It was difficult watching Jake slowly regain his memories from a distance. You wanted to be with him, help bring back old memories, maybe even dig up old feelings.

But it had been weeks now and no one wanted to overwhelm him, especially after learning about the deaths of his two best friends. He was inconsolable, his head aching horribly from the crying and struggling to piece things together.

You'd left a questionable impression on him, seeing as his only memory of you is you crying by his bedside and being thankful that he was alive. Who were you, why was my family looking at you so sadly, what are you to me?

“I wondered about this for a while now,” he said aloud to the two memorials in front of him. The pictures of his friends were propped prettily on the table, allowing him to speak as though they were listening to him.

“My family seems to know her but no one wants to tell me who she is. Do you guys know?”

Silence.

“Maybe she can help me remember some of the last few years..”

He was told that there was a chance he wouldn't recover his memories due to the extensive brain damage. His head hurt every time he tried to make himself remember something but flashes of your face would appear in his dreams. He knew you must've been important enough to constantly cross his mind. His next step was to find out why.

Sometimes you'd sit on the edge of your bed, staring at your wedding dress as it hung from the closet door. You would set it out and just look at it. It was a beautiful dress, not a speck of dust on it from how well you cared for it. You were skeptical of wearing it again as it took you back to the worst day of your life.

You knew you could never marry another, especially in this dress. Perhaps the universe was telling you that it wasn't meant to be. That you should slowly move on.

But you'd look down at the rose gold promise ring given to you by your then boyfriend for your one year anniversary together. The engagement ring felt too painful to wear and you never had the chance to even see the wedding ring.

Maybe he won't remember you again, but his heart might.

It had been several months since you'd last seen Jaeyun. He was slowly making up the last few years, having given up on trying to remember old memories he decided to just make new ones. Even if it meant leaving you out of the picture.

He had managed to relearn some of his degree without having to do it again. He was still the quick learner he'd always been but he was made to take it easy at work, his colleagues reintroducing themselves slowly so as to not overwhelm him.

“How was the wedding?”

Jake blinked in confusion when it came up in conversation with a few of his colleagues. He looked completely clueless, shrugging with a nervous chuckle.

“What wedding?”

The others exchanged confused glances as one scratched their head, the air suddenly growing thicker with silence.

“Seriously, guys. Who got married? Was it maybe Jaein? He seems pretty nice.”

It's clear his smile was genuine. And, judging by the look of pure curiosity in his eyes, he was never told that he was in an accident on his wedding day. He was always puzzled by the picture of him and another woman smiling on his desk.

The conversation had died down rather quickly as the others left him hanging, leaving him to return to his desk with a puzzled expression. He sat down with a click of his tongue before looking down at that picture once more.

It had been sitting there for months since he never had the heart to take it off his desk. Looking at it gave him a little warmth in his heart. It gave him a seemingly comforting yet rather unfamiliar feeling, like looking at the woman in the picture was all he was meant to look at.

Then the glimmer of the rose gold ring on his left hand caught his attention. He tilted his head, gently fiddling with it. Taking it off felt wrong as his finger felt empty without it.

“I have to find that girl…” He thought to himself, trying to find a good way to approach you.

According to you, you missed him and you were happy he was okay. You were also in a significant amount of tears, so you must've been very close to him.

But then he sighed. It had been months since he'd last seen you, who knew if you even wanted to meet up with him. He was the one who decided to remake memories instead of hurting his head trying to remember the past.

He couldn't seem to understand why his family didn't say anything about you. Perhaps they thought he would remember you considering how big of a part you played in his life.

But how would you react if he suddenly asked so many questions? About the ring, the picture on his desk, your reaction when you saw him? Perhaps you'd be a little too uncomfortable with his presence after he left you behind without thinking.

Then, he'd thought of an idea.

Meanwhile, for you, the last few months were just numb and depressing. You thought it was for the best, letting him move onto a different path and ensuring his happiness. You felt selfish in wanting to force him to remember you so you could go back to your old life.

However, you went back to work as normal even with a somber look in your eyes. The house you lived in didn't feel like a home anymore. You couldn't smell the delicious 2am ramen he would cook as a late-night snack for you two. The house was cold and lifeless without his warm aura and hearty laughter to fill the rooms.

You missed him terribly. You sometimes wanted to cry when you remembered that you would never wake up to his fluffy bed hair and sleepy expression or his sweet smile that could light the town.

But alas, you never thought you could experience it again. All love ever did was break and burn and end. At least, that's what you thought. You hoped and prayed that maybe he'll remember that you were meant to be.

Jake had moved back to his parents house as his family helped him in every way they could. He sometimes sat in his room, scrolling through his gallery, seeing you in so many pictures.

His heart swelled with warmth when he saw your smile. He chuckled when he saw videos of you two laughing together. How was he not with you right now? It's clear you two were in love, so why couldn't he bring himself to finally talk to you?

He seemed a little… afraid. Yes, afraid of what would happen. Just because you were lovers before the accident doesn't mean you still love him. Maybe his presence will interfere with your healing, maybe you've made peace with this and moved on.

But he'd never know unless he tried. So he gathered up the courage to think of something, some kind of way to ‘accidentally’ run into you.

And judging by one of the pictures in his gallery, he may know just the place.

The coffee shop. As cliché as it may be, you found solace in the atmosphere of a good coffee shop. It was a good environment to work in, all while having even more coffee than before. Your caffeine intake increased steadily over the past few weeks as it was the only thing that could calm you down these days.

Seated in the back of the café, your gaze fixed on your laptop with a cappuccino by your side as you typed. You mastered the ability to block out the world, not allowing your mind to wander because it would almost always make its way back to him.

“Are you using this?”

You froze almost instantaneously, your fingers slightly shaking from how quickly you stilled. That voice was familiar, you remember hearing that same sentence years ago.

It's when you look up, your heart sinks to the ground. There he stood right beside you.

His round glasses and coffee brown eyes, just how you remembered him. He looked like he hadn't aged a day as he looked like the same Sim Jaeyun you met in the university library all those years ago.

“What?” You asked softly, trying to confirm if all of this was real.

“The plug.” His voice sounded much more mature as he pointed to his laptop bag.

You didn't know whether he was intentionally recreating the day you first met or if he's still trying to jog his memory. His face was still uncertain so it was clear he didn't remember doing this before.

You shook your head, allowing him to sit opposite you and plug his laptop in. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off you, his heart felt warm and calm now that he was face to face with the woman he sees in his dreams and in his pictures.

“Is there something on my face?”

Your voice knocked him out of his thoughts as you asked softly. He shook his head, trying to play it off.

“Uh, no… you just look familiar..” he chuckled softly before looking down, realizing that it probably wasn't the best thing to say at that moment.

It was possibly the most awkward encounter you two have ever had. Neither could speak, focusing on typing some documents and whatnot. You would look up occasionally at him, noticing his little habits and knowing he never changed one bit. He still tapped his lips gently when he was thinking (one of his cutest habits in your opinion).

That was until you decided to speak up rather quietly and cautiously.

“Do you remember now?”

He looked up at you, unsure of what to say. He couldn't say he did, because he didn't. All he had was a feeling. A magnetic pull toward you that he couldn't avoid.

“No,” he said softly as he shook his head.

“What are you nervous about?”

“Nervous? I'm not nervous…”

“You fiddle with your ring when you're nervous.”

He looked down at his hands, unknowingly fiddling with his rose gold ring. He was slightly surprised by your observation, not knowing that you'd known him long enough to memorize his every habit.

The conversation died as quickly as it began, the two of you going back to working again. He could tell you seemed uneasy and uncertain. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you uncomfortable.

“Do you want me to go?” He asked. He didn't seem like he wanted to leave but, if he did, it would mean he'd leave forever.

You thought for a few seconds before speaking.

“I want to start over.”

There's that familiar warmth in Jake's heart every time he sees you in the café. You greeted him with a warm smile, now on your second meeting.

You had somehow agreed to completely wipe the slate clean. You thought to yourself that you would never know if he still loved you unless you went through everything all over again. Life had given you a reset button, and who were you to deny it?

Sure you would grow a little impatient here and there but you constantly reminded yourself that you're taking it easy for his sake. To him, you're a familiar stranger even though he's the love of your life. You pretended to learn about habits and hobbies and interests you already knew.

It felt like you were falling in love again. He was just as beautiful, funny, and smart as he was when you first dated. His hangouts were just as sweet as before.

You watched him with fondness in your eyes as he'd cover his mouth with one hand while he laughed. His adorable laughter rang through your ears like a soothing tune.

The hangouts turned into weeks of courting and into months of dating.

Everyone was thrilled to know you two were back together again. But the uncertainty of whether he wanted to marry you or not still hung over your head. He seemed to have given up on remembering, making a scrapbook of new memories of you two.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any better, he proposed once more. He'd gotten a new ring to replace the one that haunted you at times. He'd moved back in with you, filling the house with his radiant warmth and turning it into a home once more.

Time went by so quickly that you couldn't believe you were back in the same position as a few years ago. Standing in a white dress with a bouquet of origami orange flowers, which Jake picked and hand-made.

Walking down the aisle and clutching onto your bouquet, it all felt like a dream. Your future husband waiting for you at the altar with the biggest smile on his face, surrounded by the people you love most. Everything was finally coming true, all because you took the chance to let it all begin again.

I feel like the ending is a little rushed I am so sorry😭😭

#enhypen angst #enhypen jake #enhypen scenarios #jake enhypen fic #enhypen fic #enhypen jake angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen jake fluff #enhypen au #enhypen headcanons #enhypen imagines

[cheonsarchive]

Sunghoon | Unspoken

Pairing: Sunghoon x Fem!Reader

Genre: College!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive

Featuring: the rest of ENHYPEN, LE SSERAFIM, TXT, aespa

Warnings: Cursing, suggestive content, mentions of/implied sex (no explicit smut), reader is COMPLICATED (I'm sorry lmao), mentions of death

Summary: You expected your summer break to be all relaxed and cozy, that was until your best friend decided to confess to you out of the blue. Cue a chaotic summer full of complicated feelings, denial, miscommunication and even more pining for each other than before. Bonus: Jake giving decent advice for once!

Word Count: 18k (what)

Playlist: Ruelle - War of Hearts, Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo - Close, Lana Del Rey - Born To Die, Lostboycrow - Powers, Chase Atlantic - Meddle About, Aquilo - Losing You, Harry Styles - Falling

Author's Note: I rose from the dead to bring you a long awaited Sunghoon oneshot! I'm not too happy with it actually, but I'm a perfectionist when it comes to Sunghoon and I feel like I can't reach his standard anyway, so whatever lol. The first confession scene was inspired by Little Women (recommendation!), because it was perfect and needed to be reproduced in an ENHYPEN context. I would appreciate any kind of feedback. ❤️

If you want to be tagged in future ENHYPEN scenarios, let me know!

Masterlist

The ring of the bell that announced the end of the lesson made you slump in your seat in relief. You never anticipated the familiar buzzing noise more than today, the last class before the summer break being over making a wave of excitement rush through your body.

This semester had been absolute hell and you couldn’t wait for the break to start to be able to live with an empty head, at least for a couple of weeks, before you had to start studying again. You managed to hand in your last paper the day before, so you could officially call it a day once your last class was over and leave campus as fast as possible. Your friend Yunjin wasn’t as lucky, though.

“I’m so jealous of you, I really need to work on my time management.” Yunjin huffs in disappointment, still having to hand in two papers before she can start her summer break. You smiled apologetically at her.

“No need to be though, you’ll go to Italy soon and have the greatest time sipping Aperol Spritz in the sun while I will rot here without you,” you pointed out.

“Don’t say that, you will probably chill at Sunghoon’s pool every day anyway. Plus, we’re gonna have the road trip coming up at the end of the break, remember? That’s gonna be so much fun!” she chimed.

Ah yes, the road trip. Your friend group has decided to go to the countryside for a few days at the end of each summer break to detox once more from the city (and university) life before the next semester starts. It was Yunjin’s idea and ever since it was planned she kept talking about it nonstop.

“We’ll see about Sunghoon’s pool. If Yeji is being annoying again, we might have to move somewhere else. Sunghoon has been complaining about how she has recently become really obsessed with this one boy at school and wants to throw a pool party to invite him,” you laughed, reminiscing the phone call you had with Sunghoon the other day where he kept complaining for an hour straight how annoying it is to have a younger sibling going through puberty. When you had told him that he was like that as well once, he firmly denied it, being his usual stubborn self.

“She’s growing so fast! I wonder how protective Sunghoon will be once she actually starts dating.” Yunjin wiggles her eyebrows at you. You let out a dry chuckle in response, imagination running wild about how whiny he would be, pretending to be cold and scary when he was actually a soft, loving brother to Yeji.

“He will be the absolute worst.” You shook your head in amusement. You knew Sunghoon like the back of your hand, so you knew that he would absolutely freak out if a boy dared to hurt his little sister. It was probably a natural response, one you wouldn’t know as you don’t have any siblings, but he was exaggerating a bit. Sometimes you wondered if he just wanted to fit into the overprotective big brother trope.

“Hello ladies! What are we talking about?” Heeseung greeted after suddenly walking next to you. You smiled back at him and could see a familiar relief in his eyes, one that was probably coating all of your faces. Next semester would be Heeseung’s last one in college, so the pressure was on.

“Just how Sunghoon is going be the worst big brother once his sister starts dating.” Yunjin shrugged and Heeseung broke out in a chuckle because he definitely agrees. You almost felt bad for shading Sunghoon like that, but you enjoyed teasing him about it.

“Do I even want to know how this topic came up? There is more than enough time to shit-talk Sunghoon later, we should be discussing how excited we are for the summer break instead!” Heeseung jumped up and down and you realized just how giddy he was because he rarely acts this hyper.

“We were! It’s not that exciting for me though, because I’m not going to travel like you two,” you defended, making both of them exchange glances and scoff in unison.

“Please, you wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon anyway. It’s not like you don’t enjoy spending every day with him during summer break.” Yunjin laughed and you glared it her.

It was true, though. Sunghoon and you were inseparable like pen and paper ever since you were in middle school. You spent the majority of time at each other’s homes, to the point where you wondered which place you should actually call your home, his or your own? But during exam season, you usually spend less time with each other because you’re too busy studying. So it has become your ritual to spend the beginning of summer break together to make up for the lost time. It was easy too because that was usually the time everyone else travelled anyway.

The fact that you never grew tired of each other really amazed everyone around you. Rumors started spreading quickly that you might be secretly dating, or at least crushing on each other. You’ve always confidently turned down such rumors, but especially Heeseung and Yunjin persisted that something was going on between you two and loved teasing you about it.

“If it’s about what I think it is, I don’t want to hear it.” You warned, seeing the suggestive look in their eyes. You grew tired of always having to defend your friendship with Sunghoon. Maybe because deep down, there was some truth to it.

Sunghoon and you fit each other like a glove. You always knew what the other one thinks without having to articulate it, you can talk about everything without feeling judged and you balance each other out with your skills and knowledge.

It already started in middle school. Sunghoon was more skilled in creative subjects whereas you were good in trickier ones like mathematics or chemistry. You started tutoring each other quickly, which helped both of you get through high school. He helped you with your art projects whereas you explained his math homework to him.

Sunghoon was there during many difficult times as well. He was there when you experienced your first heartbreak, and he comforted you when your grandpa died who you cherished so deeply. Even years later, when you confessed that you’re still struggling with his death, Sunghoon was quick to drop everything and come over to you to help you get through it.

And if that wasn’t enough, Sunghoon also grew incredibly handsome as time passed. Puberty really turned him into the best version of himself and it was no wonder many girls at university swooned over him. So really, wasn’t he perfect boyfriend material?

“No.” You turned to Yunjin with a surprised face, confusion written over your features. “You finally need to confront your feelings. Even a blind person can see that the connection you have is more than just friendship.”

You rolled your eyes. There was nothing to confront in your opinion, which made you really question why they couldn’t just drop the topic. Though you sometimes wondered if the longing gaze from Sunghoon held more than you thought.

“Yeah whatever. Call me when you’ve handed in your papers!” You announced your departure, hugging Yunjin extra tight since you probably won’t see her again before her trip overseas. You promised to keep in touch before you separated from your friends to get on the bus to Sunghoon’s house. He didn’t have classes today, so he slept in and waited at home, promising you to celebrate the beginning of summer break with fresh watermelon.

“Lord have mercy.” You said with eyes as big as the watermelon in front of you. Sunghoon smiled cheekily, proudly presenting his purchase from the market. He posed like a model, and you slapped his arm playfully.

“That must have cost you a fortune.” You said feeling guilty, head dropping slightly. Sunghoon let out a tut at that.

“Don’t worry about it. Celebrating summer break is definitely worth it and much needed. I have to distract myself from wanting to curse at Professor Yoon.” Sunghoon exclaimed, the last part making you giggle quietly.

He expertly cut the watermelon in triangles and handed you a piece before sitting down opposite from you on the terrace. The sun had been cooking you and you wondered whether you will really survive a day at the pool. You really enjoyed spending time at Sunghoon’s house because of his big pool, but it stops being enjoyable once the temperatures hit a certain degree mark. The watermelon was not just needed as a way of celebrating, but also as a refreshment.

Once you took the first bite, you sighed in satisfaction, making Sunghoon suppress a laugh. You looked at him with a grim expression and cheeks stuffed like a squirrel.

“What?”

“Nothing, sounds like you really needed that one too. And you look cute with your mouth full.” He said, mimicking how your cheeks must have looked to him.

Yunjin and Heeseung might have classified that as flirting, but you knew Sunghoon was just bickering with you. He dropped comments like that from time to time, knowing you would always react with an annoyed expression.

“So, how is Yeji’s dating life going?” you taunted, trying to change the topic as you remembered the conversation you had with Yunjin and Heeseung earlier. Sunghoon’s smile dropped instantly and he groaned in annoyance.

“Don’t remind me. I told her to stay away from that prick but she is persistent.” He elaborated despite not wanting to have this conversation.

“You don’t even know him and call him a prick!” you laughed at your best friend being unreasonable, almost choking on your watermelon slice in the process. Sunghoon fixed you with a glare.

“I don’t have to know him to know he’s an idiot.” He defended but you could only raise a brow at him in response.

“Okay, you boy expert. You must know better.” You fake-praised but he brushed you off, taking another bite from his watermelon slice.

“I just want the best for my sister.” He said matter-of-factly, words almost unintelligible due to him chewing on his watermelon.

“I know, but you need to relax a little bit. Let her experience her first heartbreak if necessary and focus on your own miserable love life instead.” You joked, but Sunghoon grew tense upon hearing the second half of your sentence. He looked at you through his lashes, the way you acted completely unbothered by what you had just said irking him.

Once you finished eating you decided it would be too hot to stay outside, so you went to Sunghoon’s room to kill time. You plopped onto his bed while he was sorting some laundry, talking about everything and nothing. Unbeknownst to you, Sunghoon seemed stiff since earlier. You couldn’t pinpoint it, but you knew something was up with him today. It was like he was contemplating something.

For some reason, the topic of dating wouldn’t escape you today. Some time into the conversation, you drifted off to Yunjin’s boy escapades, laughing at the ridiculous stories she had told you.

You remembered Yunjin hooking up with that one guy from calculus, you guessed his name was Soobin, almost losing her virginity in a broom closet if it wasn’t for the janitor to catch them. She dropped him the moment she saw him drag another girl in said broom closet, able to imagine what was probably going on in there since she had first-hand experience. She never disclosed whether the janitor caught those two as well and you were oddly curious.

She started swiping on Tinder afterwards, meeting up with a guy whose name slipped from your memory, but you certainly remember the chaos that unfolded once she found out he was actually cheating on his girlfriend with her. For some reason, she was gravitating towards weird boys and she blamed it on them being Korean after a while.

So came Yunjin’s trip to Italy. It was honestly no surprise when she announced that she wants to start her “hot girl summer” experience with it. She started complaining about the lack of good-natured men around your campus and how she wants to try dating someone European. You started to question the intentions of her trip. Was it to relax and enjoy the Italian scenery, or was it to enjoy the Italian ‘scenery’?

“Maybe we should start our own hot girl and hot boy summer instead of being glued together all the time,” you fantasized absentmindedly, just the thought of it making you chuckle. You really weren’t the person to hit up strangers, and neither was he. Sunghoon tensed at your words, stopping in his tracks. His back was turned to you, but you could tell what you said stirred something in him. You patiently waited for his response, and he bit his lip, contemplating what to say.

“No, I don’t think that would be good.” he said quietly, but loud enough for you to hear. His breathing halted the moment you suggested getting to know other people.

“Why is that? I think you need to let go of the mysterious handsome guy image and finally get laid again.” you laughed, slightly confused by his changing demeanor.

“I don’t want to hook up with random girls.” He stated. At first, you didn’t think much of it. Sunghoon never seemed that interested in dating. He did have a short fling with a girl named Eunchae when he entered college, but it ended with a lot of tears and refusal to meet someone new. He tried to hook up here and there, but that stopped after a while too and you figured he might want to wait for a real girlfriend, not just some one-night stands with strangers.

It didn’t strike you how serious he was being about this. So, when he turned around to look at you, the atmosphere in the room shifted. His gaze held something you had never seen before. His gaze held so much, in fact, that it made you nervous. And like many times before, Sunghoon didn’t need to speak up for you to know what he meant. But unlike many times before, what he was thinking made your blood run cold.

“No.” you immediately blurted, eyes going wide in shock.

“Y/N, listen.” He rushed out once you started to get up from the bed.

“No, no. Sunghoon, please don’t.” you tried to shield from him, hoping it was all a misunderstanding. But things like misunderstandings weren’t in your code.

“Y/N it’s no use. We finally need to talk about this.”

“I think I’m going to be sick, I better go home,” you said, feeling the sudden urge to flee from the situation. You almost sprinted to the door and Sunghoon tried to block you from leaving his room, but you pushed him away in panic. As stubborn as he is, Sunghoon followed you suit, and you were glad that you two were alone at his house right now, because you wouldn’t want Yeji or his parents to overhear this conversation.

“Y/N please listen to me. I’ve started liking you a while ago already and I never said anything because I thought it wasn’t mutual. But sometimes I-… I just-… I got the feeling that we might have a chance as something more than friends. T-that you might want this too. I’ve waited so long for you to make a move and prove that I wasn’t imagining things and that you feel the same way for me. But it never happened, and I just can’t go on like this. I need you to know, okay?”

Sunghoon rambled so fast you almost couldn’t catch up with him, he blurted all that while you tried to get out of his house as quickly as possible. He kept going while you practically ran down the stairs, picking up your shoes and sliding into them. Before you turned the door knob of his front door, you turned around to look at him again. And it was a big mistake.

Sunghoon was wearing the most desperate expression you had ever witnessed. The fact that he just confessed to you made your stomach turn. You even noticed how his eyes turned glassy, was he crying? Disbelief was written over your face and all you could do was shake your head and say “No.” once more.

Something broke inside of Sunghoon when he became conscious of the fact that you were rejecting him at this moment. He mustered up the courage to tell you how he felt because everyone he had confined in told him you like him too and that he should finally tell you how he really feels. So, not only did he feel crushed by your rejection, but also by the backstab of his friends.

“Y/N I always thought we worked so well together, so I never understood why we couldn’t be more. Am I… Am I not good enough? I-is that the problem? If there is something I can change, let me know and I’ll-“

“Oh my God, Sunghoon, no. You’re literally perfect. I’m so grateful to have you by my side and I couldn’t be more thankful for all the times you comforted me and helped me to get out of trouble. You are honest and funny and- and you are committed, and I love you. But just not the way you want me to. I am sorry.” You interrupted him, feeling your eyes sting with tears, mirroring his. Sunghoon choked at your words. You realized at that moment that you haven’t seen him cry in ages. And to be the reason he was crying made you feel terrible.

“Please tell me why. I don’t understand.” He begged, sounding absolutely miserable while a tear managed to escape and run down his cheek slowly.

“I don’t know Sunghoon. I just don’t. We can’t ruin our friendship like this-”

“Who said this is ruining our friendship? Maybe we weren’t meant to be just friends in the first place!”

“Yes we were!” you snapped back at him, anger starting to bubble up inside of you, “Yes we were,” you repeated, more calmly this time, “don’t make this something it isn’t. Please.”

This was the moment you decided that you had to get out of there immediately. You couldn’t take the pressure anymore, the fact that he expected an answer from you. You were overwhelmed with the whole situation and couldn’t think straight, so your adrenaline rush decided for flight instead of fight. You quickly turned the door knob and rushed out of his home, leaving him behind.

“Y/N, wait!” was his last attempt to keep you by his side, but he was met with a door being slammed in his face instead. He stared at his front door in disbelief, trying to process what had just unfolded. How he ruined everything. Sunghoon wanted to hit himself for speaking up, he figured that he should have just stayed quiet instead. But it was eating at him how he was silently pining for you and you never reacted the way he wanted you to. It confused him how you always scoffed at him whenever he complimented you but enjoyed cuddling with him during your regular movie nights.

He always wondered if he was making everything up, if you weren’t giving him potential signs at all and he just interpreted them the wrong way. Yet, when he opened up to Jake about his crush for you Jake didn’t seem surprised and said that everyone knew you both liked each other. Emphasis on both. After some time passed, Jake reassured Sunghoon that it was no use pining like this and that he was sure you two were destined to be together. Sunghoon was still scared shitless because there was still the possibility of you rejecting him. And whatever happens, he can’t afford to lose you because of his stupid feelings.

Sunghoon can’t even remember when he started liking you. It randomly hit him one day when you were wiping some ketchup off his mouth after eating fries and his heart began to race uncontrollably. He started noticing how pretty your eyes and lips were, how well you carried yourself, how quick-witted you were and how you always seemed to be at ease when you were around him. He had an ability to calm you down that no one else had. And Sunghoon managed to mistake it for mutual interest.

Once you slammed the door in his face you stood in front of his house for a few minutes, trying to sort out your thoughts and get your feet to move. The gears in your head were turning at lightning speed and you couldn’t believe what had just happened. Wasn’t this what you always wanted?

You speculated if there was something more than friendship forming between you two from time to time. You started paying closer attention to Sunghoon’s small habits and the way he acts around you, appreciating the way he always puts your needs first and makes sure you’re always sorted first before he worries about himself. When your friends started asking about what you and Sunghoon were, you were quick to answer that you were just best friends, but you always questioned why they would ask that if you simply gave off friendship energy.

Sunghoon had everything you would look for in a partner. So why were you rejecting him? You never even calculated the possibility of him liking you back, and the sole idea of it made heat rush to your ears. For whatever reason it seemed so impossible to you that Sunghoon could hold similar feelings for you that you blatantly rejected any chance of you two getting into a relationship, pushing your feelings aside in the process. It annoyed you that your friends kept pushing you towards each other when it was clear as day to you that Sunghoon didn’t feel the same. For your own sanity, you couldn’t accept anything else.

It's been over two weeks since Sunghoon confessed to you. And ever since then, you two didn’t talk to each other at all. It was the longest time you went without texting, calling and seeing each other. And you hated every bit of it. You missed Sunghoon like crazy, not talking to him felt like torture.

“You wouldn’t survive without Sunghoon.“

You hated how your friend was right. But you couldn’t bring yourself to text or call him, let alone appear at his house. He was probably hoping for you to reach out because he didn’t contact you either. To be fair, it was your turn after you ran away from him like that. But to put it simply, you had no clue how to address this situation.

You had spent the last couple of days rereading your text messages, smiling at all the fond memories you made and the stupid memes you constantly shared with each other. It made your heart ache for him even more and you started being angry at him for ruining a perfectly fine friendship. Things should have just stayed the way they were and the fact that everything was different now bothered you to no end.

Apart from missing Sunghoon, you also felt incredibly bored. With Yunjin and Heeseung being out of the country, your closest friends were all unavailable and all you did was lay in bed all day and reminiscence old times. You wondered how this shift in Sunghoon and your relationship would affect the whole friend group dynamic. Did you just doom more than one friendship?

Your boredom got to the point where you considered texting friends you rarely hang out with out of pure desperation. However, you didn’t manage to send out the text messages you had written and rewritten several times. You felt like you sounded too eager and decided to just continue decaying in your room, hoping that Sunghoon will find the courage to reach out to you first.

When you felt your phone vibrate next to you, you have never been so fast to check who messaged you, obviously hoping that your and Sunghoon’s telepathy had worked once again and he was the one to reach out. When you were met with a notification from Ningning, you were slightly disappointed, to say the least. Nevertheless, you opened her message.

Ningning~: Hey Y/N! I haven’t heard from you in a while so I wanted to reach out again. How is your summer break? Are you in town? I wanted to ask if you would like to join me tomorrow. There’s a party hosted by Yeonjun and I thought maybe you’d like to come too! Just let me know xx

You sighed. You really weren’t in the mood to party. But you were also dying of boredom, so should you just ignore the offer you got at being less lonely and having some fun? Maybe it can distract you from this whole Sunghoon situation. Alcohol was always a good way to drown your feelings, right? Wrong, but who cares.

You: Hey Ning, thanks for reaching out! I’d love to go! Just text me the details and I’ll be there x

You cringed. It didn’t sound like you at all. You hoped she wouldn’t notice and ask what’s wrong because you only wanted to talk to Yunjin about this at the moment. You considered calling her, but she already announced on the first day of her trip that the internet is really bad and she probably won’t be able to call or text much. Great.

To your surprise, Ningning didn’t notice your strange demeanor, texted you all the important information and before you knew it, you were standing in front of Choi Yeonjun’s apartment. You took the chance to actually style yourself for once, usually being too lazy to put in any effort to look good during the summer break. It did give you a boost of confidence, but you still weren’t sure if the party was a good idea.

And you realized it definitely wasn’t a good idea when you entered the apartment and the first thing you saw was Park Sunghoon standing at the other end of the hallway talking to a friend. As if he had a radar for you, he immediately locked eyes with you from across the hallway. You couldn’t read his expression but noticed how you stared at each other for a solid five seconds. Your skin burned under his gaze and you couldn’t hold eye contact any longer, quickly disappearing from his sight into another room. Ningning was quick to organize drinks for you and she did an amazing job at chatting you up, making you forget about your unplanned encounter with Sunghoon.

Of course, Sunghoon was at the party. What did you expect? He’s close with Yeonjun, and the fact that you couldn’t put two and two together before going to the party baffled you. But it was too late to run away now, and you decided to just try and ignore Sunghoon as much as possible. To your surprise, you really didn’t catch a glimpse of him for the rest of the evening. In fact, everything started to blur once Karina joined you and Ningning with a round of shots. Afterwards, you continued downing shots like no tomorrow and before you knew it, you were seriously drunk.

You did know your limit and you stopped once you noticed how close you were to feeling sick, but that didn’t change the fact that you developed some mobility problems. You decided to sit down in the living room, but the moment your body met the sofa you started dissociating. With no idea how much time had passed since you plopped yourself on Yeonjun’s sofa, you were only pulled out of your trance when you were met with four pairs of eyes in front of you. Your vision was blurry and when you tried your best to make out who it was, you regretted it.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Sunghoon asked, a worried expression painting his face. Ningning was next to him, she probably called him over because she didn’t know what to do. You blinked at him several times before you carefully picked your words, trying not to sound too drunk.

“Yeah, I’m great!” you yelled over the music with a smile, so loud that the people around you took notice of your state as well. Sunghoon sighed, he really wasn’t in the best state either, but he immediately sobered up a bit once Ningning asked for his help to get you home.

“Let me take you home, okay? Come on.” He reached out his hand for you and you had to focus really hard to be able to take it. Once you stood up you started swaying, noticing again just how much alcohol was in your system. Sunghoon detected your difficulty to simply stand straight as well, holding your lower arm to keep you from tipping over. He gently guided you to the door, mumbling something about how walking might be better for you to sober up.

The moment you went outside you took notice of the brisk air. It cooled down a lot and you were surprised how much it smelled like rain without actually having rained. You took a deep breath which helped you follow Sunghoon who kept a close eye on you. Whenever you were dangerously close to tripping, he would hold your arm to steady you and you quietly thanked him every time.

It was a long walk, and you didn’t exchange a word. However, it seemed to be a comfortable silence. You could feel tension between you two, but you knew that you weren’t in the right mind to discuss the depths of your relationship now. Yet, you wanted to test the water and whether there was bad blood between you two.

You decided to purposefully bump into him and when he looked at you in confusion, you just smiled playfully at him. It didn’t take him 2 seconds to reciprocate your smile and bump into you as a form of revenge. To his surprise, you still lost your balance faster than expected and almost landed face first on the ground. Sunghoon was quick to catch you and couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh God, sorry!” he let out a breathy laugh and you couldn’t help but laugh with him, shaking your head to signal him it’s okay.

With a more lighthearted atmosphere you continued your descent to your home. It didn’t take you long to feel the cold air biting at your skin and with goosebumps grazing your body you confessed to Sunghoon that you felt cold. Unfortunately, Sunghoon didn’t bring a jacket with him either. Because his house was closer to Yeonjun’s apartment than yours, he offered to take you in for the night. Considering the tension between you, you were caught off guard by his offer, but accepted it nevertheless.

Once you made it to his house you rushed inside quickly. Sunghoon was home alone for the week because his parents and sister went to a holiday camp Sunghoon didn’t bother to join. You instantly felt home and realized how much you missed not only being by his side but also at his house.

“Is it okay if I shower?” you said, slightly sobered up but still a bit wobbly on your legs.

“Promise me you won’t drown?” Sunghoon asked sarcastically, there was a seriousness in his glance that told you he was only half-joking. You nodded in response and rushed to the bathroom.

When you got out of the shower you felt really hot suddenly, so Sunghoon offered to sit on the balcony for a bit. You sat down right at the edge, letting your feet dangle over it. Sunghoon joined you, not sparing you a glance but rather focusing on the clear sky above you.

You didn’t speak for a while, and you questioned whether it was a comfortable silence or not. You gulped nervously before you scraped together all the courage you had left.

“I’m sorry that I stormed out of your house the other day.”

You hoped your words didn’t sound too slurred and Sunghoon would understand it as a sincere apology and when you glanced at him you noticed how he smiled slightly, still not looking at you.

“It’s okay.”

A small smile crept up on your lips as you kept your eyes on him, examining his features. You never noticed until now just how pretty his moles are, they are a perfect addition to his face. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol in your system, but you were suddenly craving to be near him.

Even though there were unspoken words between you, you decided to shuffle closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder. He jumped slightly for a second, not expecting the sudden affection, but he relaxed under you quickly, keeping his eyes on the sky. You didn’t know how much his heart was racing, but yours was uncontrollably beating out of your chest as well. You never felt this nervous around him before and you blamed it on the alcohol and the overall tension. Your heart was beating so fast because you were scared to lose him, right?

After a while, you noticed him shifting beneath you, turning his head towards you. You did the same and only noticed then just how close your faces were to each other’s. You could feel his breath on your face and figured that it would only take a few millimeters to close the distance between you two. Suddenly you were hyper aware of his every move, noticing how his eyes flickered between your own and your lips. You ended up doing the same, taking notice of the way his lips slightly parted, letting out a nervous huff.

The tension between you felt insufferable and you didn’t know where the sudden urge to kiss him came from. Sunghoon was slowly closing the distance between you two, giving you enough time to pull away. When he noticed that you weren’t going to, he finally captured his lips with yours. The kiss was slow and cautious, as if he was afraid you would still change your mind. His soft lips grazed yours and you needed more, becoming intoxicated by his scent. When your hand went up to his neck, he took that as a sign to deepen the kiss.

You don’t know how long you’ve kissed, but you only separated to gasp for air quickly before connecting your lips once again. You never felt a bliss like this before and started exploring his mouth as if you’d have to remember it because he could disappear from your grasp at any moment. Soon enough, your hands were all over each other and you figured that the balcony wasn’t comfortable, so you moved to Sunghoon’s bed to continue your makeout session.

You situated yourself on his lap and his hands wandered to your hips straight away, keeping you in place. You felt like you weren’t close enough, so you moved forwards, brushing your clothed core against his, eliciting a small gasp from him. When you noticed how a bulge was forming underneath you, you moved again, feeling Sunghoon’s hands on your hips tightening and guiding you on his crotch. The room filled with heavy breathing and before you knew it, you were dry humping him, feeling his erection grow beneath you.

Sunghoon quickly decided to attack your jaw and kiss down your neck, moving on to your shoulder while pushing the strap of your bra and top to the side to gain better access. You whimpered slightly, feeling overwhelmed by his ministrations. His hands were exploring every curve on your body and left behind a burning sensation on every part of bare skin he touched. When he reached the hem of your shirt again, he pulled away to look at you, pushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

“Do you really want to do this?” he whispered, searching for any sign of discomfort in your eyes. Your pupils were probably as blown as his, telling him all he needed to know, but he only continued once you nodded eagerly. You never expected Sunghoon to make you feel like this, and you couldn’t stop yourself no matter how hard you tried. So with your shirt gone, the rest of your clothes was soon to follow.

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache, wincing slightly once you gained consciousness again. You did drink a lot, but you were still surprised how strong your hangover was. Taking notice of Sunghoon’s posters on the wall you didn’t think much, recalling how he brought you to his place because you were cold. However, when you noticed an arm around your waist, you froze. You slowly turned around to face Sunghoon, who was still dozing off next to you. Suddenly, you remembered what had happened last night. Images of you touching, exploring, feeling each other flooded your memory and your eyes almost popped out of your skull.

What did you do?! This wasn’t planned at all. You wanted to talk it out with him when the time was right and you both were sober again, not take it to the next level like this. Your breathing became uneven, and you noticed how a shiver ran down your spine.

As if on cue, Sunghoon stirred slightly, opening his eyes. When he looked at you still half-asleep, it was like he was staring at his most prized possession, and it overwhelmed you immediately.

“Good morning” he croaked out, voice still laced with sleep and a small smile playing on his lips. He closed his eyes again to stretch his body a bit, and when he finally opened his eyes fully to look at you, his expression dropped instantly. You just stared at him in shock and he felt his breath getting caught in his throat. He did not like that look at all.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, totally dreading your answer.

“What happened last night?” you asked, a question that was totally useless to ask since you already knew.

“You don’t remember?” Sunghoon questioned, noticing how his blood started running cold.

“I do, I just-“ you couldn’t find the words to express your thoughts right now. The whole situation stressed you out again, and you felt like you took advantage of Sunghoon when you both weren’t stone-cold sober.

“You didn’t enjoy it?” The moment he asked that question, you felt his touch on your skin again, the way he was holding you so carefully as if you were made out of porcelain. No matter how you twisted and turned it, you couldn’t say that you didn’t enjoy it. You did, very much in fact. But you still didn’t want it to happen, not like this.

“I- I did. It’s just… I felt like it was a mistake.” You said as you were slowly getting up, his arm that was around your side flopping down on the bed.

Hearing that sentence felt like being shot right in the chest, and Sunghoon slowly got up as well, looking at you in disbelief.

“Why would you say that?” he prompted carefully, trying to keep calm while noticing how you were collecting your jeans from the floor and squeezing yourself into them. This scene looked oddly familiar and Sunghoon started panicking.

“It shouldn’t have happened. Not like this. I’m sorry, I think I should go,” you managed to choke out, feeling like your airflow was cut off because you were so conflicted.

“Don’t do this to me. Not again.” He said, his voice becoming strict, a tone he had never used on you before.

You really didn’t want to do this to him. Not again. But something in you told you that this was a slip up, that you shouldn’t stay there, that you made a wrong decision under the influence. You didn’t know why you were so eager to get out of there, because deep down you knew this was exactly what you wanted. You craved him, now more than ever, but you manipulated yourself into thinking this wasn’t right. In your mind, you were ruining a perfectly fine friendship by hooking up with your best friend after a few shots of alcohol. You completely ignored the fact that he made the move on you again.

Ignoring his advances, you kept getting dressed, ready to leave until you were stopped by your best friend.

“Y/N, stop.” Sunghoon warned, once again using the tone you only heard him use on Yeji when she was being naughty. You gulped anxiously, turning around to face him. He stood in front of you in only his sweatpants, his milky skin glowing in the morning sun. He looked ethereal, and you hated it.

“I don’t get it. You apologized to me, craved being near me and I had the feeling you were just as into it as I was last night. And now you want to run from me again. What is going on?” he demanded an answer, and you could hear how frustrated he was. He ran a hand through his hair waiting for your response and all you could do was sigh.

“I don’t know, Sunghoon. I need time to think, okay?!” you were getting agitated because you realized you had no argument against it. Yes, you wanted this, yes you enjoyed it. And yet, you were terrified of the consequences. Of how quickly this escalated. Of how easily you managed to turn your friendship upside down.

“So I was good enough for a fuck and now you’re gonna dump me again? Is that it?” Sunghoon spat, and you were shocked at how petty he was getting. You had never witnessed him that angry before, not even with Yeji. He did rage from time to time, but never like this. And the fact that his anger was directed at you made your skin crawl.

“God, no! Don’t make conclusions like that. I just don’t want us to ruin our friendship, is it that hard to understand?!” your frustration was reflected in your raising volume, making Sunghoon flinch slightly. When you waited for Sunghoon’s reaction, you were stunned to see that he was laughing. A small chuckle escaped his lips before he clenched his jaw, looking at you with a gaze so cold it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Well, sorry to break it to you, Y/N. We already did.”

You gulped again, your shoulders that you had unconsciously raised in the heat of the argument relaxing when you smiled bitterly at him and nodded, tears blurring your vision.

“That’s too bad then.” You said in an unexpectedly calm voice before turning around and slamming the door of his room, leaving him behind just the way you did two weeks ago.

When Yunjin rang on your doorbell, she couldn’t wait to recite her trip in every detail. Apart from the beautiful cities she visited, the boys she got to know in Italy were also something to talk about. There was so much to unpack from that trip that she announced a meeting of minimum 3 hours and told you to prepare snacks and drinks.

You were happy that Yunjin was finally back, especially after everything that happened between you and Sunghoon. There has been complete radio silence once again, since you were 100% sure he was incredibly mad at you and called your friendship quits after this. At first you were weirdly okay with the situation until it hit you a few days later that you guys had ruined your year-long friendship with some drunk sex. You were still in denial about him confessing to you and you reciprocating his feelings, instead you blamed the night you two kissed and jumped to base four right after for the end of your friendship.

The worst part for you was that you felt like you couldn’t go back. Even if you admitted that this was what you craved, even if you apologized for the ways you pushed him away even though you didn’t mean it, the way the recent events unfolded made it impossible to start a healthy relationship. Everything turned so messy so quickly that you felt like you lost control of the situation and now that you might be able to regain it, it’s too late. Sunghoon looked at you with a sense of disappointment you will never forget. It haunted you at night.

So, you were glad that Yunjin was finally back because you needed a shoulder to cry on. You missed her like crazy and you hoped she had a better summer break than you did so far to distract you from your misery. But with the way she proclaimed her return, you were sure she had a lot of funny stories to share.

What Yunjin didn’t expect when you opened your apartment door was how awful you looked. Hair disheveled, eyes glassy, the bags under your eyes looking alarmingly dark. Nevertheless, she couldn’t hide her excitement.

“Girl!” she screeched, embracing you before you could take a good look at her. The hugs she gave were always extreme, but they were especially tight when you haven’t seen each other in a while. Once she separated from you and took another look at you, she knew something was wrong.

“You look terrible, what is going on?” she questioned, fixing the strands of hair that were in the wrong place. The deep sigh you let out was more than worrying to her and you could tell she was on edge immediately.

“It’s a long story, tell me about your holiday first!” you tried to chime but the exhaustion in your voice was evident. You took the bag she brought with her out of her hand and went to the living room, settling on the sofa where she joined you.

“No, my recap can wait. What’s wrong?” she was quick to clarify. Another sigh from your side. Where to begin?

“I slept with Sunghoon.” Wow. That was the worst part to begin with. Congratulations. The way Yunjin’s mouth dropped and her eyes went wide didn’t help at all.

“WHAT???” she asked in disbelief. When she realized that you weren’t joking, she threw her arms in the air.

“Fucking finally! I told you, you two were meant to be together! How was it? Is he a good kisser? How did this even happen? Oh my God I’m so excited Y/N I need to know all the details! This is so good!!” Yunjin squealed and her excitement scared the shit out of you. How were you going to explain to her that this was nothing like she wished for?

She looked at you expectantly, but you only stared at her with an apologetic look. Her excitement died down soon and she mirrored your expression, a pout forming on her lips.

“Wait, it is not good?” It was a rhetorical question, really. If it was a good thing, you wouldn’t look this miserable and instead be glowing or something. You could tell the gears in her head were turning. Suddenly her eyes were widening again and she put her hands over her mouth in shock.

“Oh my God, are you pregnant?” This actually made you chuckle. Now she was thinking way too far.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not pregnant.” You clarified, unable to hide your smile because you couldn’t believe how dramatic she was being.

“Then what is it?” she asked impatiently and you decided it might be best to start from the beginning. You recalled your last two encounters with Sunghoon, and you felt like Yunjin has never listened to you with such interest. A girl was invested.

When you finished Yunjin sighed heavily, her face dropping the more the story progressed. You had a pleading look in your eyes, begging for her advice.

“Girl, why did you make everything so complicated?” she finally asked and you were a bit appalled that she was attacking you.

“What do you mean, I did? Sunghoon started this.” You clarified, slightly offended.

“No honey, Sunghoon came clean about the feelings he’s been harboring for you for quite some time, something you’re still in denial about.” Yunjin pointed out and rightfully so. Sunghoon did what you couldn’t do: admit your feelings for him.

“But he shouldn’t have. We were totally fine and he had to make it awkward. The fact that we drunkenly slept with each other didn’t help at all.” You dropped your head in your hands. “I feel like we overstepped a line by having sex.” Yunjin was quick to shake her head.

“Y/N, you already overstepped a line when you started catching feelings for each other. I just don’t understand why you push him away like that when you like him too.” She reasoned, articulating your thoughts.

“I’m not sure if I really want this. We’ve been friends for so long, I need him by my side no matter what.” You replied, chewing on your lip nervously.

“So you’re scared that your relationship might not work out and you’ll lose him as a friend?”

“I think so. I just don’t want our friendship to be ruined over a stupid slipup. Maybe we mistake our feelings for platonic love and wouldn’t work out as a couple at all. And then we binned a totally fine friendship for no reason.” You noticed how verbalizing your worries really helped you deal with the whole situation. You debated this way too much on your own already, it was high time for another opinion.

“I get where you’re coming from. But you must view it from this perspective: You have the most important basis for a good relationship. Trust and good communication. Well, the latter until fairly recently at least. You hang out a lot and don’t get tired of each other. You can openly talk to him about everything. He’s always on your mind. There’s pretty much only the physical part missing. Which is why I need to ask if you didn’t enjoy it now that you got physically closer to him as well?”

It was like Yunjin was stating the obvious, but she helped you realize that there was not much to be afraid of. You felt safe around him and he felt safe around you and that was the most important thing. But you still were so hesitant, why?

“No, I definitely enjoyed it.” In fact, you’ve been thinking about nothing else but how soft his skin felt on yours and how pretty his lips are. And you felt like this made everything even more difficult, because there was still something keeping you from committing to him fully when there were so many indicators that you’re meant to be.

“Well then, you’re standing in your own way. I know you’re terrified that this might go wrong, but it will certainly go wrong if you don’t fix this. You both deserve to be happy. And personally, I think you’re happy if you’re together. Look what being apart from him does to you.” Yunjin pointed out, looking you up and down. You scoffed but knew she was right.

“I just don’t know how to fix it. I feel like it’s too late. He already waited too long and probably gave up on us.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. You can’t just drop someone that quickly. He’s probably struggling just as much as you.”

“You did what?!” Jake asked in shock, similar to Yunjin’s reaction.

“I confessed, and she rejected me. Twice.” Sunghoon repeated, kind of embarrassed.

“Dude, I can’t believe this. I always thought she liked you back.” Jake furrowed his brows, pondering whether he had also misinterpreted your behavior. To him, it was clear as day that you both shared a mutual romantic interest in each other but were too shy to address it. So, when Sunghoon revealed what he had done, he initially got excited.

“Yeah well, I thought so too, especially since we had sex that one night after a party and-“

“You guys had sex???”

“Jake… ugh. Yes, we did. We were both a bit drunk though.” Sunghoon reasoned but the sparkle in Jake’s eyes told him it was to no avail.

“I’m impressed, not gonna lie. You confessed and then jumped straight to base four. Did you learn from me?” Jake couldn’t help but laugh, he found that situation way too amusing for Sunghoon’s liking.

“Man, what even is base four… anyway. The point is, she said she wanted this and also admitted she enjoyed it, but she basically fled the scene the next morning and hasn’t been reaching out since. I just don’t fucking know anymore.” Sunghoon ruffled his hair in frustration and let out a deep groan. Just the thought of you leaving him behind in his room shattered his heart into a million pieces.

He just didn’t understand it. He was on cloud nine when you nodded that you wanted this too, pupils blown wide and breathing uneven. He could feel your heart pounding like crazy, similar to his own. The way you were holding him gave him all the cues he needed to claim you as his. And yet, you slipped from his embrace hours later. What could there possibly be that kept you from being with him? All the signs were there that you felt the same. Or so he thought.

“Maybe she’s scared. You’ve been friends for quite some time, I wouldn’t want to throw that away lightheartedly either just because I was horny and drunk one night.”

“But I don’t see why this wouldn’t work. We worked perfectly fine the last couple of years as friends. We literally complete each other. What more could you want?”

“It’s still commitment, Hoon. Friendships are easier to keep and end than relationships. I think Y/N wants to protect herself from possible heartbreak by keeping you in the friendzone.” Jake reasoned, and Sunghoon wondered when he became so intelligent.

“So, we’re ignoring the fact that she is breaking my heart in the process?”

“Of course not. And it’s on you how much time you give her to make a decision. Do what’s best for you. If you feel like this drains you more than you could get out of it, it’s best to cut ties. You guys overstepped the line now anyway.” Sunghoon was surprised by Jake’s reply, it felt like the wisest advice he had ever given. When he told Jake about his feelings the very first time, his friend was less helpful.

Sunghoon felt like the world was caving in on him and he finally needed to break out of his shell, finally confide in someone what has been bothering him lately. Whenever you guys planned a meeting, he was more excited than usual to see you. And when he did, he felt butterflies in his stomach whenever you laughed. When you hugged or cuddled on the couch, he noticed how he always wanted it to last longer, for him to be even closer to you. Whenever you made a stupid joke and bickered with him, he couldn’t help but laugh, enjoying every second of being with you.

He didn’t know what was happening to him. It scared him that somehow, he wanted more from you than before. More attention, more laughter, more contact. You were on his mind 24/7. He started noticing the smallest things about you. How you changed your clothing style over time. How you did your hair a little differently, playing around with various simple but pretty hairstyles. He noticed overall how good you looked.

Sunghoon paid attention to details he never cared about before. He started complimenting you more because he felt like he needed to point out that he noticed whenever you changed something about yourself or put in that extra effort to get ready. And he was the proudest when you smiled at him and thanked him for the compliment. Though, you soon stopped taking it seriously and figured it was probably just part of your bickering.

The way his feelings for you changed confused him and after a while of dealing with it himself, he finally needed another opinion. When he called Jake to ask if he could come over because he needed help, the latter was surprised, to say the least. Sunghoon rarely talked about his worries, and when he did, he talked about them with you and not Jake. So, what could it possibly be that made him choose Jake over you?

Oh yeah, well, that. Once Sunghoon laid out to Jake how he certainly noticed something shifted whenever he is with you he could only but chuckle, leaving Sunghoon with a perplexed stare.

“Nice bro, you finally noticed? You’re pretty much the last one to do so.”

“What do you mean?” Sunghoon asked, confusion written all over his face. Jake couldn’t help but giggle and shake his head at his oblivious friend.

Basically everyone had noticed how you two got a lot closer suddenly, which caused rumors to start spreading that you secretly started dating. Jake and Jay even had a bet going who asked the other out first and he couldn’t wait for Sunghoon to confess that he was in fact dating you.

Everyone had noticed. Everyone but you two.

“You got to be kidding me. You so obviously like her, it wasn’t necessarily hard to spot.” Jake pointed out, which made Sunghoon’s eyes grow big. He gulped nervously, unconsciously playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Do you think she knows too?” Sunghoon asked, his brows knit together. What if you knew and chose to ignore it? Talking to Jake made Sunghoon realize that the shift in his behavior around you correlated with a shift in his feelings for you. He liked you. And he knew he was screwed before Jake could answer.

“Nah dude. She probably is just as oblivious as you.” Jake clicked his tongue nonchalantly. That somehow made Sunghoon release a breath of relief.

“What do you reckon I should do?” Sunghoon questioned. He couldn’t believe he was asking Jake, a retired but previously notorious player, for dating advice. Only Chaewon was able to get him interested in the actual dating life, but he proved miserable at that. Chaewon could handle it, fortunately, but Jake wasn’t the best person to talk about feelings. He didn’t do those until fairly recently.

“I don’t know, just wait and see what happens.” Yeah, Jake was really useless in that field.

“You’re not helping.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes in annoyance, making Jake raise his hands in defense.

“Bro, what do you want me to say? Confess and run into a disaster because chances are she doesn’t like you back? I personally think it’s mutual by the way she behaves, but who am I to judge.” He reasoned and Sunghoon nodded understandingly.

He had no choice but to observe your behavior from now on to find any clue whether you like him too. Jake was absolute garbage at giving advice, but Sunghoon decided to cut him some slack this time since it actually seemed the right thing to do. Damn, what has Chaewon done to him?

Sunghoon answered the same back then as he did now.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

16 new messages in squaaaaad

Chaewonie ❤️: Guys, we haven’t had a cinema night in ages and they switched up the screening offer at our trusted cinema! How about dinner together with a cinema night as a squad now that we’ve all returned?

Hee Hee (seung): only if you promise not to make out with Jake three minutes into the movie

Ikeu: rude???

Ikeu: anyway, I’m in!

Meme Queen 😎: of course you are.

Ikeu: what’s with the disrespect today

Jjongsaeng: count me in too! dinner at our usual ahjumma? <3

Chaewonie ❤️: Obviously, I’ve been craving her Jjamppong the last few days!

DDEONU: I’m in too! so dinner’s on chaewon then?

Chaewonie ❤️: Dream about it Sunoo

Zuhaaa: count me in too

DDEONU: just checked the screenings, let’s go watch the new barbie movie!!

Hee Hee (seung): I changed my mind I won’t go

DDEONU: 😒

Meme Queen 😎: I’m in too by the way and I’m not a whiny little bitch like Heeseung so Barbie is fine

Hee Hee (seung) left the group chat

Meme Queen 😎: exactly what I’m talking ‘bout

You couldn’t help but chuckle at your stupid friends. Yunjin, who had her head in your lap, was similarly laughing at the text messages, especially when she added Heeseung back to the group chat and he started whining even more.

“Aren’t you going to write anything?” Yunjin prompted without looking at you.

“I don’t know if I’m going.” You admitted shyly, biting your lip. That made Yunjin turn her head to look at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Girl, don’t even think about cancelling.” She warned. You exhaled, throwing your phone away and running both hands over your face.

“Look, I just don’t want to make it awkward if Sunghoon is there.” You tried to explain, but Yunjin wasn’t buying it at all.

“Nah babe, we’re not doing that. Don’t destroy our friendship group because of something like that. Plus, it could be an opportunity to talk things out with Sunghoon.”

“If he joins.” You said absentmindedly. Yunjin clicked her tongue.

“And if he doesn’t then that’s on him and we’re going to have fun without him. But don’t ruin fun for yourself because he might be there. I know you want to go.” Ugh, you hated that Yunjin was (almost) always right.

“Fine.” You groaned.

Meme Queen 😎: I’m dragging Y/N along too

You cringed at the way Yunjin put it, but she wasn’t completely wrong. You weren’t too excited to go, because you had a bad feeling this could turn ugly if Sunghoon was to show up as well. Yes, it was a squad meeting, but you still had no idea how to act around him, let alone how he would act around you. Additionally, not everyone knew what went down. Yunjin had briefly updated Heeseung without too many details and you guessed Sunghoon might have told Jake, but other than that, no one was aware of the recent events. How awkward would that get?

Quite awkward. Sunghoon had announced that he would be coming as well, and since Yunjin already told everyone that you would be there too you had no way to back out of it. You persisted that you would show up together with Heeseung, too afraid that you might be the first to arrive and Sunghoon being second or the other way around.

To your surprise, Sunghoon was one of the last to arrive, very unlike him since he was always over-punctual. When you exchanged glances, a shiver ran down your spine. You tried to decipher his look but couldn’t, it held an emotion you had never seen before. You couldn’t hold his gaze either, quickly looking at Jake to greet him.

When Kazuha arrived at last, you went inside the restaurant to finally grab a bite. You only noticed then that you were starving, instantly plopping down on the first spot you saw. Yunjin sat down to your left and Jay aimed at joining you on your right, only to retreat while mumbling something about how Sunghoon is going to sit there anyway. It wasn’t intentional, Sunghoon and you always claimed to sit next to each other and sent grim looks to everyone who tried to get in your way. But this time was different.

Sunghoon and you exchanged shaky glances, still that undecipherable look in his eyes and with a small gulp, he situates himself on the other side of the table instead of next to you. This move earned confused glances from half the group, and you simply nodded with a sad expression coating your face. So that’s what we’re doing now, you thought. Great.

Thankfully, no one commented Sunghoon’s odd move and everyone sat down instead, Jay reclaiming the spot next to you. You could feel the tension at the table, something was in the air and everyone noticed. But no one dared to speak up. Those who knew just exchanged worried glances and those who didn’t simply looked confused. There was an unusual silence at the table before Chaewon finally managed to break the silence by asking what everyone wants to eat.

You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding and the whole situation drained you from the get-go. How were you going to survive the rest of the evening after such a bumpy start? You tried not to stare at Sunghoon too much and whenever you caught a glimpse of him looking at you, you panicked and looked away instantly. Sunghoon wasn’t any better, acting quite absentminded until Jake bumped him under the table. With a demanding glance Sunghoon knew immediately what he was trying to tell him. Jake, similar to Yunjin, made it clear that no fun was cut from the evening just because of your miserable situation. Sunghoon tried his best to join the conversation, but everyone could tell that something was weird.

After a rather awkward meal you made your way to the cinema, Yunjin linking arms with you as you tried to calm your nerves. This wasn’t going to be easy. The fact that everyone noticed the tension between you and Sunghoon made you incredibly nervous and you figured that you had to talk about it sooner or later tonight.

When you reached the cinema and the mood was still off, your body acted faster than your mind. Without hesitation, you grabbed Sunghoon’s arm, who looked at you quite alarmed. With a gaze that conveyed “Can we talk?” Sunghoon quickly nodded and followed you behind the cinema. Yunjin and Jake quickly exchanged knowing yet uneasy glances when they saw you disappear behind the building.

Once you reached the backside of the cinema, you stopped in your tracks. Not noticing how you still held onto Sunghoon’s arm, only his verbal reminder brought you back to reality.

“You can let go now.” It scared you how cold he sounded. You didn’t know if it was the unusually chilly night or if his voice really lacked the warmth you were so used to. You realized that you had to face him sooner or later, back still turned to him. You knew that turning around and looking at him will most likely break you and you were right.

When you made eye contact, you kept seeing a look in his eyes that you couldn’t decode. You usually could guess his opinion on things or his overall mood by how he looked at you or others, but this was different. This was a look he had never worn before, and it scared you.

And you made another dreadful realization. Shit. You hadn’t prepared this conversation at all. You had brought him here and were now at a loss of words. He looked at you expectantly, obviously waiting for you to talk first since you were the one who dragged him there in the first place. Your brain was short-circuiting, so you blurted the first thing to pop up in your mind.

“Hi.” Mentally facepalming yourself, you closed your eyes and shook your head. Sunghoon didn’t react to that at all either, waiting for you to actually articulate what you want to tell him.

“Look, we need to talk.” Is all you could choke out in nervousness, your voice betraying you by breaking in the middle of the sentence.

“We do?” Sunghoon’s question caught you off-guard and you looked at him generally confused.

“Yes, don’t you think so?” you prompted in disbelief. Sunghoon shrugged.

“Oh I did, but you don’t strike me as the person who wants to talk about this anymore after last time.” He admitted and you cringed at his words. You realized at that moment that you did know that tone of his. He used that exact tone when breaking up with Eunchae, a conversation you overheard as he wanted you nearby when it happened. It’s the voice he uses when he’s built a barrier to protect himself.

He's built a barrier. The fact that he felt like he needs to protect himself from you emotionally ripped your heart out, but then again you couldn’t blame him. Everything you did made this a justifiable response. And you were to make it worse.

“Sunghoon.” You called out to him weakly and his gaze softened for a split second upon hearing you call his name in such desperation. “I didn’t want this to happen. Not like this, believe me,” you said while taking a step towards him.

He didn’t back off, and you took that as a sign to continue.

“I never wanted to lose you as a friend, the thought of it makes me sick, and I panicked when you suddenly confessed. I didn’t know how to act so I chose to run away.” You tried to explain your point of view and he patiently waited for you to continue, as if he waited for a specific sentence.

Tell him it was a mistake to run from him. Tell him you like him too. Tell him you want this too. For some reason, you just couldn’t articulate those feelings. For some sick, twisted reason, you still weren’t sure if this is what you really felt. You still didn’t come clear about your emotions, about whether your feelings for him are platonically or romantically coded. You felt like you still needed to find out.

With one more step forward, you closed the gap between Sunghoon and yourself. Without thinking this through you took his face into your hands, connecting your lips in a swift motion. Sunghoon seemed slightly taken aback by your action but responded to the kiss nevertheless, his arms immediately wandering to your waist. However, he was quick to break the kiss, tightening his grip on your waist to put some distance between you.

“What are you doing?” he questioned in a serious, slightly disappointed tone, his brows furrowed. You looked at him with big eyes.

“I’m trying to make things right.” You said weakly, feeling extremely small under his strong gaze.

“No, you’re testing the waters.” He said and gave your hips a small push to create more distance between you. Your arms fell to your side lifelessly, tears threatening to escape.

“No.” you tried to defend but Sunghoon was able to shut you down quickly.

“Yes, Y/N. I can tell you’re still not sure about this. So stop bullshitting me.” He said it calmly but it felt like he spat those words in your face.

“I don’t-“ you tried again but he interrupted straight away.

“Listen to me. If you can’t come clean about how you feel for me then that’s on you. But stop playing with my feelings in the process. For the sake of our year-long friendship, I think we should have at least that much respect for each other.”

You were absolutely speechless. The way he delivered those words to you, you felt like he wasn’t feeling any emotion at all. It scared you that Sunghoon, who was usually very vocal and expressive, could articulate something so dryly. Only then did you realized just how much you have fucked up.

You have hurt Sunghoon so much with your indecisiveness that he completely shut you out. Backed off emotionally from you. For him to say those things so easily, it made your heart ache. You opened your mouth to speak, to protest, but there was nothing to protest about.

He was right, you played with his heart. He was nothing but honest with you and you rejected him not once, but twice. And now you thought a weak excuse and a kiss could fix it? Oh, how naïve you were.

Sunghoon saw you open your mouth to speak but he quickly shook his head.

“This conversation is over.” He announced, turning on his heels and walking away to the rest of your friends. This time, he left you behind and you started to understand how shitty it must have felt when you did it to him.

You stood there motionlessly, unable to move while trying to process what just happened. You were sure you deserved it for how you acted previously but you still didn’t know how to handle this situation. You tried your best to keep your tears in and collect yourself so you can get back to the group, but tears kept rolling down your cheeks and you sobbed quietly, hoping not to catch the attention of your friends.

In the meantime, Sunghoon made it back to the group alone, earning confused glances from the rest of your friends.

“Where’s Y/N?” Sunoo asked, brows furrowed because something was definitely off but he didn’t want to insist.

“Oh, she’s coming soon. Don’t worry.” Sunghoon said nonchalantly, but Yunjin and Heeseung exchanged concerned glances. Yunjin debated checking on you, sensing that whatever went down behind the cinema didn’t end well. She examined Sunghoon’s look, and he gazed back at her, as if challenging her. What is wrong with him? He never acted like this before.

Deep down, Sunghoon was sweating. He tried his best to act normal, to not let it get to him how absolutely gutted he left you there. But he couldn’t help himself. All the pain he experienced the last couple of days made him become petty. With Jake telling him to be careful not to hurt himself too much while waiting for you he decided it might be best to push his feelings to the back of his head.

The full ordeal was swallowing him whole. He wanted nothing but to hold you, talk to you, be with you, hear your beautiful voice through the phone, see your little frown whenever you complained about something. He missed you like crazy but he didn’t push any further after being rejected twice already.

On the one hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything right. He couldn’t go on pretending you were just friends when he has been falling for you harder the more time passed. Being honest to himself and to you was what you had unofficially promised each other and he wanted to keep that promise no matter what.

On the other hand, Sunghoon believed he did everything wrong. He caused this trouble by being selfish and pushing you towards a relationship you might not even want. You worked out fine, and one should never change a running system, right?

Wrong. He knew your friendship was doomed the first time he caught his heart skipping a beat upon seeing you, the first time he imagined what your lips would feel like on his own, the first time he hugged you for a second longer than usual because he didn’t want to let go just yet. But he hoped it wouldn’t end the way it did just now. He was pretty certain that this was it.

Even if you decided you felt the same, you probably wouldn’t come back to him after he delivered such a terrible line in the coldest tone he had ever used on anybody. He was scared of himself that he managed to treat you like this. That the harshest words he had ever spoken were directed to you

A few minutes later, you mustered up the courage to join the rest, having successfully dried your tears and calmed down enough for others to see you. When you turned the corner, you heard Sunoo scream for you in excitement, making Yunjin’s head snap towards you.

“Y/N! There you are, finally. Come on guys, let’s go or we’ll miss the first few minutes!”

You were quick to shoot him a smile, trying your best to hide the fact you just finished crying and had to control yourself not to burst out in tears again. Yunjin was immediately able to uncover your mask and shot Sunghoon another look, trying to piece together what might have happened back there.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly enough for only you to hear, and you were fast to brush her off by nodding, but she didn’t buy it. You shot her a look that she shouldn’t persist and she got the memo, following you inside without prompting another question.

When Sunoo finished buying all the tickets and wanted to hand them out in seat order, he hesitated for a moment, not knowing whether he should put Sunghoon and you next to each other after he already refused to sit next to you during dinner. Noticing the stiff air between you (which really wasn’t hard to do), he decided against it and instead sat you next to Kazuha and Heeseung.

By now, no one in your friend group was unaware of the fact that Sunghoon and you were fighting, but no one dared to ask and interfere. Nevertheless, every time someone looked at you, they shot you apologetic glances and you swore you needed to get out of there. You really weren’t in the mood to watch a movie now, especially not a bubbly one like Barbie.

When you plopped down in your seat, you didn’t even bother shooting Sunghoon a glance as he passed you to sit further down the row. Heeseung sat next to you, whispering something about that you can leave if you feel uncomfortable, but you just ignored him. At the moment, your mind was blank and you just wanted the evening to end. You prayed to the gods that the movie will make you forget at least for a short while how heartbroken you are.

It seemed to work for the first half, however as the movie progressed you noticed how you replayed the conversation between Sunghoon and you in your mind endlessly. You couldn’t help but let one tear after another roll down your cheek, trying your best not to gain attention by sobbing. You sniffed as silently as you could but Heeseung noticed nevertheless.

And so did Sunghoon. When he looked over to you and saw you crying, he felt a sting in his heart. He really tried not to cry alongside with you, but the view he had of you not being able to control your tears ruined him. He tried hard to focus on the movie, noticing how Jake was studying his behavior next to him. Sunghoon chose to ignore it for his own sake. Just like you, he wanted to go home as quickly as possible.

Once the credits started rolling, you practically jolted from your seat to get out of the situation you were in. Of course the rest of your friend group took an eternity to get up, collect their stuff and leave the cinema. As soon as the warm summer air hit your nose, you turned around to everyone, announcing that you didn’t feel well and will leave early. Without bothering to wait for a response you turned on your heels, practically running away from the group, leaving a worried Yunjin and Heeseung behind.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just postpone the road trip until you figure things out?” Yunjin asked warily, wanting to make sure you really meant what you just told her.

“No way. Y’all waited so long for this! It’s our ritual as well. Please go, I just won’t join.” You clarified. You figured that after the cinema disaster, Sunghoon and you shouldn’t be in the same room for a while, not only for your own sakes, but also because it made the whole atmosphere awkward.

It was never your intention to affect your whole friend group with your problems, but here you were. You decided it was best for everyone if you were left out. You couldn’t see it since you were on the phone, but Yunjin shook her head firmly.

“And it’s also a ritual that we all go together. All of us. You included.”

“I get it, but I just don’t know how to act around Sunghoon and how he’ll act around me. I don’t want to ruin the trip for everyone.”

“Trust me, you will ruin it if you don’t come. Remember when Heeseung and Kazuha had a quick fling? The friend group didn’t break because of that either. Just act normal around him and you’ll be fine. You’re adults after all. I know you were so excited for the road trip, please don’t let that ruin the fun.” Yunjin tried to argue.

She felt slightly bad because it sounded like she was forcing you, but she knew that the squad road trip was your favorite part of the summer break. She was certain that this might be therapeutic for both you and Sunghoon. No way in hell would she let it happen that one of you left the friend group. She saw it as an opportunity to at least act civil around each other when in group settings.

“I know, I’m just scared to face him. What if I break out crying?” you played the worst scenarios in your head on how everyone would be annoyed by your whiny heartbroken ass.

“Then everyone will understand. The situation isn’t easy. And it’s okay to cry.” Yunjin reasoned. After the cinema night, everyone asked each other what happened between Sunghoon and you and the story spread like wildfire. When the first pitiful message from Chaewon arrived, you knew you were done for. You felt terrible for worrying everyone and you were afraid people were going to pick sides. To your relief, no one mentioned anything and left it to you two to solve the issue.

Yunjin noticed your hesitation and she could practically hear the way you wear nervously chewing your lip, so she sighed.

“Alright, listen. If you really don’t want to go, then don’t. We’ll understand. But I personally think it wouldn’t change anything if you stayed away. Unless you want to drown in your sorrows and don’t want me there to catch your tears. If you regret your decision it’s not my fault, just saying!”

You chuckled at her words. She was right, if you stayed home you would probably miss all of them and regret missing out on the fun. You promised yourself that you would try your best to act as normally as possible around Sunghoon. Still, the fact that you had to see him again scared you shitless.

Reflecting over the past few days made you come to the conclusion that you were incredibly stupid to deny him like that. You were angry at yourself that you couldn’t just admit that you liked him as much as he liked you. And even when you had another chance at making things right, you were still insecure whether it would be the right decision.

And now that you’re clear about your intentions, it was too late. Sunghoon ended the last conversation and you felt like it was final. There was no fixing now and no going back. So, you had to live with the fact that you ruined a potential relationship with your best friend who you had caught feelings for months ago. And no matter how you put it, it was a hard pill to swallow.

Little did you know that Sunghoon also regretted his decision. He came to realize that he might have been too harsh to you, that he reacted out of emotion and not reason. Sunghoon had never felt this strongly for anyone and it scared him, so he naturally thought he had to protect himself from potential heartbreak just like you tried prior. Guess you two were more similar than expected.

The more he thought about it, the more he understood where you were coming from. It was incredibly unfair how you treated him, but he started relating to it as he was going through a similar process now. Both of you made mistakes and both of you could have done better. What mattered now is how to fix it. And to say Sunghoon was terrified about his next steps was an understatement.

A couple of days later, you were all set and ready to go on the long-awaited road trip. You went over some requests with Yunjin, for example that you’d rather drive in a different car than Sunghoon so you won’t be stuck with him in a close space for hours. If you were in different cars, it would most likely be more comfortable for everyone involved, and Yunjin agreed.

You managed to squeeze yourself in the same car as Jay, who was driving, Heeseung, Kazuha and Chaewon. You were glad that you managed to get in Jay’s car because you believed him to be a better driver than Jake. Plus, Heeseung’s road trip playlist almost hit different, so you were in for a fun (and loud) ride.

Four hours passed by in a flash and you only realized that you arrived when Jay turned into the parking lot. Fortunately, the atmosphere in the car was lighthearted and you thanked yourself for making the decision to put yourself and Sunghoon in separate cars.

You also told Yunjin that you weren’t going to sleep in the same cabin as well, since that’s awkward. She respected that, assigning the cabins by gender anyway which earned groans from Chaewon and Jake who wanted to share one.

“You’re kidding right? The cabin is meant for 3 to 4 people, ain’t no way you’re going to do any nasty shit in there.” Yunjin scolded, earning a chuckle from the rest of the group.

“We were just going to cuddle, calm down.” Chaewon defended with a glare and Yunjin scoffed.

“Yeah sure, like last year?” Yunjin laughed and both Chaewon and Jake turned red, exchanging guilty looks. You couldn’t help but snort, catching everyone’s attention including Sunghoon’s. It was the first time you exchanged glances that day and you instantly felt goosebumps rise up your skin.

Was he always that handsome? You had a feeling Sunghoon looked even better than usual, or you were imagining things because you had been idolizing him the past couple of days. The more you contemplated your friendship, the more you realized how perfect he was. Seeing him now just confirmed your theories. You had been absolutely blind the last couple of months.

You gulped and quickly looked away, unable to catch the small smile that was playing on Sunghoon’s lips. He loved seeing you have fun and hearing you chuckle made his heart swell. Sunghoon realized he’s been so stupidly in love with you that there was no way he wasn’t trying to fix whatever you had ruined. He just didn’t know how he was to do that.

Once you dropped your stuff inside the cabin, half of your group went straight to the beach. Yunjin caught up with you and bumped your shoulder playfully, making you laugh. Even though you still felt down because of the whole situation with your best friend, you were really excited and relieved that you decided to go on the road trip. The beach and the scent of salt water instantly gave you serotonin and the karaoke session you had in the car raised your mood as well.

“How was the car ride? Ours was pretty boring, everyone slept half of the time and I don’t think Sunghoon has said a single thing the entire ride.” Yunjin recited and hearing his name made your heart skip a beat. As if on cue, Sunghoon was running past you to catch up with Jake, sparing you a quick glance. You didn’t know how to react, so you simply turned to Yunjin furrowing your brows in question.

Sunghoon always claimed himself to be an introvert, but you knew that especially in your friend group, he was glowing and more talkative than ever. The fact that he was quiet, even today, worried you. Yunjin could tell by the way you bit your lip that you were contemplating something.

“Will you try and talk to him?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Your attention quickly shifted towards Heeseung who was picking up Chaewon like it was nothing, running with her to the sea and throwing her into the water despite her obvious protests. She screeched in panic and when she got out of the water, she scowled at him.

“Oh, you wanna get fucked up.” She announced, fixing him with a challenging look and you could see Heeseung’s eyes turning wide before she lounges herself at him. He was quick to dodge her attack, running away as fast as he can despite the water inevitably slowing him down. When he locked eyes with you, it was like he locked in a new target.

The glint in Heeseung’s eyes scared you and the moment he approached you, you felt your heart sink into your stomach. Before you could object he was next to you, grabbing you by the hip and throwing you over his shoulder.

“You’re next.” He giggled and ignored the way you slapped his back and screamed for him to let you go. Unable to prepare yourself in time, you were suddenly being met with the cold ocean water engulfing your body. When you broke through the surface, you couldn’t help but burst out in laughter, a sound Sunghoon missed so dearly that when he took notice, his heart fluttered.

Even more laughter erupted from you when Chaewon kept her promise and surprised Heeseung from behind, pushing him underwater as well. The antics continued until you rescued yourself to the shore, Yunjin promptly throwing a towel your way. Jake was quick to catch Sunghoon’s longing gaze for you but decided not to blurt a stupid comment, instead smiling at the pining of his friend.

Once you settled down on the beach you stripped out of the shirt that you initially planned to keep dry, but Heeseung destroyed those plans. While wringing out the access water from the shirt, you observed how Sunghoon and Jake stripped out of their shirts as well, ready to join your other friends in the water. Upon seeing Sunghoon’s toned abdomen, you were instantly reminded of the night you shared together. It made your stomach twist knowing you could have had all this to yourself and let it slip from your grasp.

“Okay, now you’re just blatantly staring.” Yunjin commented with a click of her tongue and a chuckle, following your gaze. You were glad that the temperatures made your face blush already so Yunjin couldn’t detect the heat climbing up your cheeks.

When Jake noticed your fixated gaze on Sunghoon, he quickly whispered something to the latter, making him turn around in an instant to lock eyes with you. Your eyes widened immediately and you tried to be nonchalant about it, looking away quickly. Both guys smirked at that, making Jake lean into Sunghoon once more.

“What is that? You guys are acting like two teenagers going through puberty who are obviously crushing on each other but too shy to strike up conversation.” He pointed out and Sunghoon let out a deep, long sigh. If only it was that easy, he thought.

After you tired yourselves out in the water, you decided for a cliché bonfire to end the night. Sunghoon plopped himself down at the other end of the bonfire opposite from you, the flames almost swallowing your view on him. You didn’t know if he did that on purpose, but you couldn’t help and steal glances from each other whenever you were roasting marshmallows. This didn’t go unnoticed by anyone and Sunoo ended up judging you hard for constantly shooting heart eyes at each other from afar.

You actually hadn’t talked all day, it was silent pining from both sides and it made your friends go absolutely crazy. Could you finally get it over with?

Unfortunately, the pining continued the next couple of days, neither of you ready to approach the other. It was frustrating you, to say the least. You figured that it was his turn to come to you after he ended the conversation the last time. Additionally, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself again like you did at the cinema.

You couldn’t pinpoint the atmosphere between you two, it seemed somewhat stiff yet not as terrible as it was during the cinema night. Anyone could tell that you both reflected on your behaviors and had a different mindset from before, so it was just as frustrating for your friends to notice your constant pining. Sunoo judged even harder than usual.

Yunjin tried to talk some sense into you, but you swiftly refused to make the first step. She ruffled her hair in frustration while washing her face to get ready for bed.

“Y/N please. Put your pride aside for once, this isn’t going anywhere.” She nagged in a way that reminded you of a typical Korean ahjumma.

“Y/N I have to agree with Yunjin for once. This is absolutely nerve-wrecking for all sides.” Chaewon added, turning around in her chair and interrupting her skincare routine.

You groaned. Couldn’t they let you deal with that alone? The situation was hard enough as is, it didn’t help that eight people kept track of your every move on top of it.

In the cabin next to yours, the boys were similarly pushy towards Sunghoon, earning annoyed glances from him. Like you, it annoyed him how everyone was observing and waiting for one of you to make a move. He wanted to figure this out with you alone, not while a whole group of people was watching.

That night, the constant nagging from your friends made you spiral into overthinking everything again. You dissected your conversations with Sunghoon once more, not able to get a wink of sleep or even feel tired. The whole ordeal stressed you out to the point where you needed to let go a bit. Not wanting to bother your cabinmates, you snuck outside, making your way to the pier to sit down and watch the moon a bit. The warm breeze that tickled your nose made you inhale deeply.

Such a beautiful vacation that is troubled by Sunghoon and my relationship, you thought. You really made it difficult for yourselves. This could have been so easy and yet you chose to do it the hard way. You still wondered why your head blocked you from telling Sunghoon what your heart wanted all this time. Why it took you so long to let those feelings take over. Why it was met with so much denial from your end in the first place.

You were now more sure than ever that you wanted to have Sunghoon by your side. The thought of having to continue life without him scared you to bits and you hoped you would never have to experience the reality of it, even though there was still a possibility he wouldn’t let you in anymore.

The more you thought about it, the more overwhelmed you became. A single tear ran down your cheek, quickly followed by another until you were silently sobbing into nothingness, the vision of the moon in front of you becoming blurry.

The sound of footsteps approaching snapped you out of your daze and you quickly wiped your tears, thinking it was one of the lifeguards scolding you for being on the pier so late. You were about to utter a half-assed apology when you turned around only to be met with Sunghoon standing a few feet away from you on the pier.

Sunghoon couldn’t doze off either, staring at the ceiling when he picked up a shuffling sound outside. He silently got up, making sure not to wake the others, and went over to the window only to see you emerge on a journey to the pier. He didn’t know what came over him, but his feet moved on their own and before he knew it, he was at the pier too.

It felt like everything froze for a moment when you locked eyes, a concern shading his gaze that made you shiver. You didn’t know what to say, your heartbeat picking up from his mere presence. You never noticed the effect he had on you until this trip.

“I’ve never liked to see you cry.” He said softly, almost as if he was pitying you, but you knew how he meant it. You sniffed in response, turning around since you suddenly felt hyperaware about how ugly you must have looked right at that moment.

The wood creaked underneath Sunghoon when he approached you, slow and cautious as if he was afraid you would freak out otherwise. When he stood right behind you, he contemplated his next move, biting his lip nervously. Just like you, he hadn’t thought this through. Suddenly standing in front of you overwhelmed him, and he needed a moment to calculate his next move.

“May I?” he suddenly asked, pointing at the spot next to you. You didn’t dare look at him now that he was so close, so you simply nodded. From the corner of your eye you could make out how he was sitting down. Scared to make eye contact you focused intently on the clouds forming above you.

Silence engulfed you and the only sound you could make out is that of the waves crashing at the poles of the pier. You didn’t know how to strike conversation and he seemed similarly in thought of how to carry on. Suddenly you wondered if he wasn’t saying much because he was still mad at you, and the thought alone made you anxious. You sighed heavily, being overly curious all of a sudden.

“Will you ever not be mad at me anymore?” you spoke up carefully, afraid that this question alone will make him snap. He turned out to be very calm, though. You didn’t know if that soothed your nerves or freaked you out even more. Sunghoon had the faintest of smiles playing on his lips.

“I’m not mad at you. I was disappointed and confused because I couldn’t figure you out.��� He explained, making you scoff.

“I couldn’t even figure myself out, how were you supposed to?” you turned to him with curved eyebrows, and it was the first time on the trip that you saw him this close. The look in his eyes held something you couldn’t quite pin down again, but this time, it was much softer. It calmed you down, sending an exciting shiver down your spine.

His smile grew upon your rhetorical question and you swore he never looked better. You loved seeing him smile, seeing those dimples forming. You couldn’t help but mirror his expression, silently exchanging words you didn’t dare to speak out loud. You noticed how this situation calmed you down and made you incredibly nervous at the same time. You didn’t know where this was going.

Your smile dropped suddenly, and so did Sunghoon’s. He furrowed his brows softly, and you wished to flatten the crease forming between his eyebrows. Anxiety glossed over your eyes and you decided to be honest with him.

“I’m scared, Sunghoon.” He nodded understandingly and it looked like relief washed over him. For a moment he got terrified, thinking that you might turn him down once more. It wouldn’t make sense, but nothing made sense to him anymore anyway.

“I’m scared too.” He admitted, looking down at this hands that he was fidgeting agitatedly. You couldn’t describe it, but he looked tense and relaxed at the same time. Tensed because he was fearing ultimate rejection, relaxed because no matter what, your presence eased his mind.

Your mind suddenly threw you back to everything you two had been through. Several tragic exam seasons, friends of yours moving away, petty fights in the group chat over something completely stupid and reconciliations joined by tears and hugs, heartbreaks on both ends and comfort when each other’s grandparents died. You had survived so many tragedies together, so there was logically speaking no way you could not overcome this one.

Realization hit you that it was now or never. You had to tell him how you feel, honestly this time. No hiding, no beating around the bush. You forced yourself to say the words you were scared of for so long.

“I like you.”

It took Sunghoon’s head only a millisecond to snap towards you, as if he had to make sure what he heard was really what you had said. You locked eyes again and the way his gaze changed almost made your heart jump through your chest. He looked like he had finally heard the words he wanted to hear from you for such a long time. The only thing he ever wanted to hear from you.

Sunghoon was malfunctioning because now that you had finally confessed to him, he didn’t know what to do. As stupid as it sounds, because he had more than enough time, he didn’t prepare for this scenario. Not even in his daydreams did he play this scene out in his head. He had always skipped the awkward confession and jumped right into the domestic relationship stuff.

Sunghoon gulped and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. There was only one right answer, and he knew it.

“I like you too.”  

The sparkle in your eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Sunghoon when he uttered those words again, the words that had left a bitter taste in your mouth when he rushed them out for the first time. But now all your stomach could do is hurt from all the butterflies, the look in your eyes finally reciprocating those of the boy in front of you.

You sit there for a moment, basking in each other’s presence and slowly coming to terms with the fact that you were on the same page about this after all. You were scared that Sunghoon will never want to speak to you again, and right now you couldn’t be happier that he decided to approach you one more time, giving you the chance to rebuild your relationship on a different level.

After a while of staring at each other and taking in each other’s confession, you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter together. This whole ordeal was so stupidly romantic despite the bumpy start and you had a hard time trying to contain your amusement.

“We should have done this the first time already.” You admitted, shaking your head at the painful memory of Sunghoon scaring you away with his revelation. Sunghoon couldn’t help but raise his brows at you in disbelief.

“Yeah? Well, whose fault was that?” he challenged and guilt glossed over your face, your lips forming a pout. The boyish grin he was wearing only grew wider.

“Stop blaming me, I know I fucked up.” You acknowledged, dropping your head in shame. Sunghoon was quick to shoot a hand under your chin, making you look up at him again.

“We both did. It’s fine.” He reassured with a smile, and you could only do so much as copy it. Silence took over once again, his hand slowly dropping from under your chin, landing on your own. You noticed that Sunghoon was pondering over something, and the mischievous smirk that was forming didn’t help.

You threw your head back in agony. He was getting playful again and you hated loved it.

“Oh boy, what is it now?” you were careful to ask, not sure if you really wanted to know what was on his mind right now. Sunghoon cleared his throat.

“You know, I just think it’s funny that you told me to get laid and then turned out to be the person to do it shortly after.”

Yep, you didn’t want to know what was on his mind. He chuckled and your face ran pale upon hearing him. You groaned in frustration, hiding your face in your hands in embarrassment. Your shy reaction made Sunghoon laugh even harder, throwing his head back in his usual manner and he couldn’t help but tease you a bit since he hadn’t done it in a while. Seeing your agitated look was enough to satisfy him.

You were so immersed that you didn’t notice the wind picking up speed and the clouds thickening. Only when an especially strong breeze almost swept you from the pier did you realize that a storm was coming.

“I think we should go.” Sunghoon nodded in agreement and the moment you got up, you felt the first drop of rain hit your face.

It wasn’t the last one for sure and before you knew it, it was pouring. You quickly came to the conclusion that running to the cabins would be too far, so you opted for the little lifeguard hut near the beach instead. The cold rain hitting you made your legs carry you to the hut even faster, unconsciously intertwining Sunghoon’s hand with yours.

You yelped a little when he pushed you forward, motioning you to hurry up since the rain was hitting you at high speed now. Whatever you expected from tonight, it was not going to bed soaking wet. But it also wasn’t Sunghoon and you to reconcile. You win some, you lose some.

After what felt like an eternity, you finally reached the small veranda in front of the hut. Thankful that the porch had a canopy, you breathed heavily and relaxed against the walls of the house. You glanced at Sunghoon and noticed that he was completely drenched from head to toe. Much to your dismay, you realized that you were just as soaked. But the moment you caught each other’s eyes, you couldn’t help but giggle again.

The hopeless romantic in you couldn’t be happier right now. You watched as the rain only poured harder, so you had no choice but to stay under the canopy for a while.

You noticed Sunghoon was struggling with his hair, one strand always falling into his eyes no matter how many times he tried to push it back. You couldn’t help yourself, your hand shooting up towards his face to fix it.

“Here, let me.” You said, fully turning to him while he did the same. Instead of fixing it, you ruffled his hair even more, causing several strands to drop in front of his eyes. Despite the hair covering his eyes, you could feel the unimpressed look he probably gave you. You snickered and proceeded to actually fix his hair this time.

Once you finished tugging his hair back, you noticed how much he was staring at you. You slowly retracted your hand from his hair, trying to decipher his look. Nothing but love, you concluded, and it was confirmed once he opened his mouth to speak.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

Your heart hammered in your chest at his words. The longing in his eyes almost made you faint and without a second thought, you pushed yourself forward to connect your lips. It took you only a second to melt into him, lips moving like they had always belonged together. Sunghoon’s hands were quick to find your waist again while yours wandered around his neck.

“Closer.” He whispered against your lips, pulling you towards him by your waist, close not being close enough as his lips worked wonders against your own. You were trying to lean back to catch your breath, but Sunghoon didn’t let you, chasing after your lips relentlessly as if he had to make up for something. Your back was arched and Sunghoon towered over you, making you feel even smaller.

You couldn’t help but let your hand wander into his hair, scratching his scalp slightly, which elicited a small gasp from him. Taking the opportunity, you let your tongue slowly dance against his own and he was quick to follow along.

Sunghoon only broke apart from you when he felt like suffocating, pressing his forehead against yours to catch his breath. You opened your eyes slowly, instantly being met with his own. You had never felt so cherished before, so adored. The moment you caught him staring at you with the most loving gaze, you couldn’t help but break out into a smile which he quickly mirrored.

Time seemed to stand still, the rain only a faint background noise as you basked in each other’s presence once again. The kiss and your gazes held so much emotion, so much you two wanted to share with each other earlier but couldn’t. But no matter how chaotic things got at the beginning of the summer, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment.

“Do you really think we need to take pictures?” A hushed whisper could be heard from one of the cabins.

“Of course! The others wouldn’t believe us if we just told them.” Another voice responded, almost drowned out completely by the rain.

“We’re going to tease them about this to no end, are we?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Masterlist

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #enhypen smut #sunghoon #sunghoon scenarios #park sunghoon #sunghoon angst #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon smut #sunghoon x reader #enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #enhypen sunghoon

[asterdisaster06]

i love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?

ghost x reader [exes], slight soap x reader [mostly platonic], platonic 141 x reader

1. 2. 3.

summary > "Don't trust people like me. I will hurt you in the most beautiful and intoxicating ways so that you can never go back to your normal life without my ghost following you."

...

"If you always put yourself before others, one day you'll look behind and see that you're all alone."

...

Simon "Ghost" Riley had fucked up. Massively. He had pushed you away because he was scared of losing you to the life he lived. He didn't want to see you go down the same path and lose that beautiful intoxicating spark that you always carried in your eye. And now he didn't even recognize you. Not after you had done so much work to fulfill yourself, changing the person he once knew. You had successfully climbed the ranks of the 141 Taskforce and was now crowned the second lieutenant of the team. However, you can't dodge the piercing looks that Simon sends you every now and then. You can't pretend forever.

warnings > simon riley is alluded to be a bit of a dick in this chapter

a/n > reader cenetred. author has family issues so will be found family-ing this shit. author has no military knowledge so don’t crucify me. also have no idea how long it takes to officially become a Lieutenant but we’re going with around 5 years - shortened from 7+ because us readers are smart and can go to college. it’s very much just poetic feels, but I promise the angst with Simon directly comes eventually. He’s kind of a dick tbh but that’s cause he’s emotionally repressed. i’m romanticising this because i’ve lived through similar and wish this was how it ended lmao

ao3

Simon Riley was the bane of your existence. His very being pissed you off to no end, and it wasn’t unwarranted. That anger had once been crippling sorrow and grief over what you had lost. The anger had begun as a small seed, planted in the harsh words he growled at you through gritted teeth that night. The same words that you hissed back in his face. But eventually you had managed to move on from the love of your life. Managed to move on after weeks spent with tear stained pillows and the stuffed animal he had won you once hugged to your chest. You would’ve shoved that thing in the back of your closet, but you figured you shouldn’t take your anger out on the poor thing. 

Thinking of him still makes you wince like hitting your shin against a table leg, but less so. It’s faded to a simple bruise on your heart that still aches from time to time. A phantom pain for the ghost that still haunts you. Like smoke in the wind. You still fear whispering his name at night as if his spirit will come back to haunt you. You still have the keys to his apartment in your bedside drawer. You still remember where he keeps his spoons. Sometimes you wonder how many cups of tea you’ve wasted from pouring them down the drain after realising you’re still stuck in the habit of making two. 

However, you know it’s for the best that you’ve parted ways. It reminds you a little of a moment in your life with him, ironically. There was this one time that you had managed to drag Simon to the beach as a small celebration for him and were out swimming as the sun had set. He only stuck his toes into the water as you swam out until you couldn’t reach the bottom. He had told you he wouldn’t save you, and you shouted back in response that you didn’t need saving. You almost want to thank him now for saying that he’d let you drown. Thank him for teaching you that you never needed saving. Not from him anyways.

It was this exact night that had led to the complete and utter dismantling of your relationship with one Simon Riley. Recalling it stings like sand in the wind against your bare legs. The kind of pelting pain that leaves no visible marks but hurts nonetheless. It steals the breath from your lungs and puts a stone in your heart. 

You were so happy, so very happy. And you thought that Simon would be too. Especially for you. You broke the news to him as you were laying there on the beach that you wanted to join the military. You wanted to continue that it was because you had looked up to him so very much and wanted to do good just like he did. Even if he didn’t exactly believe he was. Before you could do so though, he had blown up on you. Completely. It was a complete shift from the Simon you thought you had known. You shudder to recall exactly what he had said, but it escalated enough for one of you to call it off. 

It had gone silent after those words were uttered. 

Complete silence.

You had refused to let the tears fall until you had grabbed your shit and booked a flight back to your home town. The airport bathroom had offered a greater sympathy than he had ever given you. He never even called you. You think that’s what hurts the most. That you didn’t mean enough to him to even try and work this out. You expected better from him. You truly did. 

“I can’t fucking believe how bloody stupid you would have to be to do that.”

Nonetheless, you picked yourself up and signed up for the military with your family and friends supporting your every move. Your every breath. You learned to defend yourself, learned to love yourself. You had gotten around here and there, but nobody ever truly measured up to Simon. Sometimes you wonder what would’ve happened if you two had met when you were already in the military, but you always shut down those what if thoughts quite quickly. No use dwelling on something that could never be.

“This is a big fucking mistake, love.”

You rose the ranks quickly, using your spite to your advantage. Every man that reminded you of Simon always made you fight even harder. You had always told a half truth when someone asked why you wanted to join. Not the story of pain and bitterness, but the one of hope and admiration of an old friend. It made you want to throw up after the third time of giving that response, so eventually you simply changed the subject when someone asked. You didn’t even spill your past when you were blackout drunk; it being too painful even then. You drowned your sorrows in liquor and nicotine, going out with your top tier squad every Friday. Sometimes when it came to a close and you were left with the quiet of your own deafening thoughts you went outside to smoke a pack of Simon’s favourite cigarettes. A weakness that you hated yourself for. 

"You are no saint, and you are no saviour either. You're just lying to yourself."

Those words ring out in your mind every time you fail to save someone. A fellow soldier or a civilian, it doesn’t matter. Self doubt creeps up on you, smothering you in its grasp. Your hands remain stained with their blood, no matter how much you scrub your skin raw in the shower. You hear their screams ring out in your brain at night, piercing the thin veil of fitful sleep that you’ve resigned yourself to after you had lost the warmth of your other half that used to hold you tight at night. Your eyes had lost their brightness, though you can’t say it’s exactly correlated to the loss of the victims. You couldn’t prove Simon right in that aspect. Not after you’ve come this far. 

"Anything would be better than this!"

You wanted to believe that so badly, but your heart longed for this career almost as much as it did him. You took pride in those you had saved; albeit still haunted by those you could not. The abilities you had earned your right to were presented proudly through tactical patches displayed on your uniform - chest candy as he would’ve called it. But if he couldn’t support you through this, you didn’t know how to trust him for future endeavours. The lack of apologies simply cemented your decision and mindset. 

"Why would somebody do this on purpose?"

It’s a question whose full answer still eludes you to this day. All you know is that you felt homesick for this life before even experiencing it. It’s the ache in your bones and has been carved into your ribs so you may feel the torment and euphoria all at once when your heart slams against the cage that keeps it safe. Contained. 

It’s these thoughts that occupy your mind on the plane trip to the infamous compound that houses the 141 Taskforce. Anxiety pierces your nerves, sending what little food you had that morning tumbling around your stomach. Forgetting your meds this morning was likely the worst thing that you could have possibly done. Except for completely ghosting this experience. How odd it is to be haunted by someone still alive. Someone who has no idea if you’re still breathing, let alone travelling to your very location at that moment. 

There was no logical reason for you to turn this collaboration down; in fact, in any other circumstances you would be proud of rising so far that you were sent to this facility. Except for the fact that it was this facility. The very one that your ex who has tormented you through night a day for years. You hadn’t spoken a word of his name to anyone after the first month following the breakup. You wanted a life where your friends didn’t even know his name, let alone his significance. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve to be a part of your life anymore. 

You repeat this mantra to yourself as you realise you’re finally landing. 

Shit.

That syllable is the only thing bouncing around your head as you’re greeted by John Price. The John Price. Alone, you notice. You had heard bits and pieces of Ghost’s team, but mostly of either Soap’s shenanigans or Price’s rulings over him. You swallow harshly and shake the hand of the powerful Captain. The very same one that had no idea that one of his subordinate’s had been your previous lover. And you planned to keep it that way at all costs. 

“Welcome to the base Lieutenant, I’ve heard great things about you and your stealth skills on the battlefield,” Price spoke, shaking your hand firmly. 

Lieutenant. You had always loved the sound of that word in front of Simon’s name, and had similarly always wondered how it would sound in front of yours. It brought a sense of satisfaction rushing through your veins, and yet at the same time it brought you to your knees from nausea. It reminded you too much of him.

“There was the callsign ‘Angel’ in the details Laswell sent over. Would you say that still suits you?” Price says, almost amused. 

Angel. You had never intended for it to be ever spoken to you again considering its connotations with a nickname Simon had always called you. His little angel. He claimed that you were sent down from the heavens to save the sinners; although, you had never considered him one until the breakup. 

How you had gained this callsign is a story that makes you want to shake like a wet dog. Shake the memory off until it vanishes from your grasp. When you were simply doing your job and slowly climbing the ranks through your initial trade training, you had this sergeant that had taken a liking to you. Much to your chagrin. He had started every conversation with the classic pickup line about you falling from heaven. It was pure torment that you had to endure for almost a full year; a year in which the nickname stuck. Nobody was willing to do anything about it, and you weren’t willing to cause a fuss by tattling on your - at the time - superior. It ended up following you out of that academy into your career. 

Although, you had quickly earned the added benefit of having ‘Angel of Death’ be your full callsign after you had proven your covert operation skills - effectively wiping out an entire compound by yourself with none the wiser. Safe to say that mission was a success. The name now had something to do with your actual skills instead of your physical appearance and led you to cringe at the honorific less and less. 

“I don’t think I’d be able to answer to anything else, Sir,” You answer, wincing at the mention of your callsign nonetheless.

He sends you a questioning look at your small recoil, but brushes it off in favour of moving onto a general tour of the area. It was a sizable facility with many accommodations that made you almost smile with anticipation of taking advantage of all of them. I mean, you even got your own personal shower with your room. Who is going to complain about that?

“So, that’s basically it,” Price finishes up the tour in his office. “I know you already signed off with Laswell on your contract, but just for the record, may I have you sign a few documents here in this folder? Feel free to take your time going through them.”

You overlooked the folder, noticing what little details you had shared throughout your career being asked to be confirmed by your penmanship. It makes you give a shallow smile at the memories you’ve contracted through your experiences. Some less than savoury, but many you wouldn’t give up for the world. You were looking forward to catching up with your friends back at your old base once you were settled in, but until then you scratched pen against paper. 

You had finally completed signing on all the lines, getting a little tired at being told ‘here, here, and here’ over and over again. Your eyes burned with exhaustion, not quite realising how much your anxiety had taken out of you. Your hands had a small leftover tremor plaguing them as you handed the pen back to Price, but you felt better. Significantly better. 

“I can tell you’re tired, so I’ll lead you to your quarters and let you rest there for tonight,” Price says, sending you a small quirk of his lips.

“Thank you, Captain,” You reply, sending a tired yet appreciative look in his direction. 

“Oh, please, call me Price. If you know Kate as well as she says you do, you’ve earned that at the least,” He laughs. 

You flush red, letting out a bashful grin at that. It was true that you had run into Kate a few times before realising what a big part she played in your field of work. Most of the time at the coffee shop where you held a part-time job while attending the military academy. However, the time you had sat across from her and her wife after getting stood up really sealed the deal. You being introduced as the ‘person that actually gets our coffee right’ which gave you all a good laugh. They had comforted you once you opened up about why you were at a fancy dinner alone, they welcomed you into their open arms, and that was that. The topic ended up on what you were studying for, and it all came out into the open. The silent conversation those two had with their eyes before opening up had almost made you shit yourself before Kate explained. 

You had tried to stay slightly distant after figuring out exactly what she did for a living, but she had shut that down real quick - saying that if anyone had dared to call you a nepo-baby that they wouldn’t live to tell the tale. You really hoped she was exaggerating. 

Back in the present, you were letting out a laugh at Price’s words before there was a knock at the door. Your heart dropped to your stomach, making your breath stumble before completely halting. In your heart, you knew who it was before Price even told him to let himself in. The gruff voice saying he didn’t expect Price to have company so late made you feel like a deer in headlights, unable to move as their untimely demise stares them right in the face. 

Except this time around, this deer had broken through the freeze reaction long ago. You had learned and adapted, unwilling to relive being frozen as Simon yelled in your face yet again. You couldn’t face the shame quite yet, not unprompted at least.  

You quickly turned away from your initial reaction of turning to the door. You mouth goodbye to Price and nod in respect; hoping that he would forgive you for abandoning his office without any notice. You kept your eyes to the floor, feeling his eyes staring holes through you, burning your skin like a bullet wound. 

You had changed a lot throughout the years, more so in preparation for being moved here. You weren’t going to turn down this once in a lifetime opportunity just because of a silly disagreement over half a decade ago. You remember staring at a face you barely recognize today while gripping the porcelain off white sink in your shared bathroom. Past you taking actions to change your hair into something that ended up being the new normal. You had taken a page out of Ghost’s book and invested in DIY-ing a personalised mask that resembled a bird with tinted glass shielding your eyes from anyone that could recognize you simply off that. You actually had quite a few - each one for a different occasion. 

Nonetheless, the mask you currently wore, its only purpose that you cared about right now was hiding your identity. Simon didn’t immediately react, so you took that as a good sign. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was simply concealing his emotions, but you had a feeling that wasn’t the case. You peruse the halls, not entirely sure how to get to your room. You had a vague idea, but backtracking made it a little more difficult. Especially since you were more concerned with conversing with Price than memorising the exact layout. 

You take a turn around a corner, immediately bumping into someone with a familiar face, your eyes betraying your displeasure as you wordlessly stared into the Scots eyes.

#ao3 #cod fic #cod mw2 #fanfic #mw2 141 #simon ghost riley #cod 141 #john soap mactavish #mw2 #mw2 fic #ghost mw2 #angst #angst with a happy ending #eventually #simon ghost x reader #john price #john soap mctavish x reader #kyle gaz garrick #emotional angst #simon is a real dick in this story and i'm sorry for that #author knows nothing about the military #angst and feels #eventual fluff #simon ghost riley is bad at feelings #and thats a fact

[jinhyun]

—dreamlike.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: pining, fluff, college au, dance major hyunjin, art major reader

word count: 8.3k (sorry)

warnings: mentions of drinking, minors dni!!

summary: hyunjin would never have thought he'd end up ditching a party for you. never in his wildest dreams would he have thought he'd end up leaving the girl he so badly wanted to hook up with to come to you instead. however, there he was, arriving at the art studio late at night just to be with you.

a/n: so... can you tell i got too caught up in my feels lmao. anyway this is part nineteen of my social media au "watercolor", for those of you who don't follow the story. you guys can take all that happens here as you may, make your own conclusions heh. i hope you guys enjoy! i would love to read your thoughts and theories about what's going on or what's to come here, tysm for reading<3

Hooking up with Yerim. That was Hyunjin's plan for the night. Just get to the party, go up to her, talk for a bit, make a move, and then hopefully take her back home like he had wanted to do for a good while now. Simple as that.

Instead, he was standing in the middle of an isolated 24/7 grocery store aisle, at nearly one in the morning, looking for some bottled water to bring you over to the art studio. 

He could only laugh over how differently his night was going, according to the original plan.

When Hyunjin first got to the party that night, he would never have thought he would end up ditching it for you. He and his friends were having way too much fun for the idea of leaving early even crossing his mind. 

But Changbin, out of all his friends, was missing. And so were you.

That's when he should've known his night would not go to plan.

Bin had let them all know he was arriving a bit later, Hyunjin did not mind that. They saw each other every day at their shared dorm, he could not care less if Changbin ended up skipping the party. What he did mind, however, was the fact that you were not at the party either, at the same time his friend so conveniently wasn't there as well.

"You okay?" Felix asked, handing him a glass of soju as he reached his side.

Hyunjin nodded, staring into the glass he had just accepted from his friend. "Is Y/N coming tonight?"

Felix's eyebrows raised in slight surprise. "Um, no. She said she wasn't coming".

"She isn't?"

"I think she was getting done with next week's art assignment" Seungmin drew his attention.

"On a Saturday night?" Hyunjin incredulously rolled his eyes.

"She isn't the first in our class for no reason".

"Right".

Taking a sip of his drink under his friends' knowing looks, he took a quick look around the place. Minhyuk's parents were mad rich, so the place they got him near campus was way too big for a single person to live in — or so Hyunjin thought. However, he could only admit it was a great place to hold parties at. 

Most dance majors were there, along with other people who had tagged along with them —Seungmin being one of them—, yet the place was far from seeming too crowded. Still, he was having a hard time finding Yerim. Leaving his friends' side and walking around to look for her seemed like the right thing to do, and he would've done it right away, if it weren't for the sight of Cherry cheerfully approaching his small group, being followed by your whole gang.

Chaeryeong went straight up to Seungmin, whose face lit up in a split second. Han greeted them all with a smile and wondered where they had gotten their drinks from, not giving Jeongin time to properly greet them as well and dragging him to the kitchen once Felix pointed towards it. Minho greeted them all with a small nod, not bothering to smile at Hyunjin once his eyes fixed on him. 

And that was it. Once again, no sight of you.

"Y/N's not coming?" Hyunjin found himself asking before he could stop himself.

Minho's eyes had seemed to throw daggers at him as soon as your name had slipped past his lips. "Why do you care?"

"Yah, don't be mean" Chae slapped his arm, for the first time taking her eyes away from Seungmin and later focusing them on Hyunjin. "She's not. She wanted to be left alone with her art tonight".

"Told you she was not coming" Felix nudged him.

"Told you she was painting" Seungmin mumbled.

Both of their taunting remarks received a roll of eyes from Hyunjin, who had missed Chaeryeong's proud smile as he proceeded to search around the place once more for the blonde he was trying to hook up with — a smirk curving up his mouth when he finally found her by the other side of the living room.

After that, the night had seemed to move rather fast.

Hyunjin had gone up to her and her friends, made his smooth way into the conversation, and managed to get her away from their little circle in a matter of minutes — snatching a seat on the white leather sofa, that left them with little to no space in between their bodies. Lucky him.

However, although he had managed to find the girl he had been looking for since he got there, and although she was now only a couple of centimeters away from him as they shamelessly flirted back and forth, he couldn't seem to stop his eyes from wandering around the place, not exactly knowing what they were looking for. 

His aimless stare found its focus when a group of people sat down in a circle near the sofa they were sitting down on, one of them bringing an empty soju bottle and loudly announcing that a round of spin the bottle was about to begin.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes for the third time that night. Lame. But that didn't stop him from looking one by one at each person that had sat down and was willing to play. 

None of his friends. So he confirmed when he saw them all still in the previous spot he had left a few minutes ago — a light laugh leaving his mouth at the sight of Chaeryeong pretending to leave Seungmin's side to go play, only to have him pull her right back to him and place his arm around her shoulders. Yeah, they were definitely not playing.

His eyes travelled back to the game already taking place next to him. Still, no sight of you. Thankfully this time.

Hyunjin couldn't stop but wonder what you would've done, had you been there. He had been to a couple of parties you had attended as well, but he had always been too busy hooking up with someone else to pay attention to these games and its players. Had you ever played before? Were you the type to play this kind of game at all? Would you have played had you shown up tonight? Would he have been down to play if you had been currently sitting down on that circle as the bottle started to spin around?

He shook his head in a poor attempt to push all those annoying thoughts away, finishing the rest of his drink in one go and then fixing his eyes on Yerim.

"You want me to bring you another drink?" he offered, motioning to her almost empty cup.

God knows he needed another one.

She nodded, a smile curving up the corners of her mouth. "Another beer would be nice".

"Got it," he smiled, gently taking the cup from her hands and standing up. "Be right back".

His smile would only last the ten seconds span from the couch to the kitchen. The sight of Changbin's back and a pair of arms wrapped around his neck, was all it took for it to be erased.

Hyunjin stood there frozen, holding his breath without even noticing, as he stared at his friend making out with someone who looked a bit too much like you. And he could've sworn his heart stopped for a moment. 

Clearing his throat, he excused his way past the few people who were in the kitchen as well —mostly classmates of his that were too busy drinking to mind the two people making out right next to them— and made it to the fridge. Although he tried to keep his eyes focused anywhere else in the room, he could not help but take a look at his hyung. It was no news he disliked the idea of you and Changbin together, in any way possible.

He had already heard you two going at it in his room once, and he had seen you come out of said exact room the morning after. But he had never seen you actually kiss after that one time at the club, when he didn't really seem to care. And the annoying pressure in his chest right now could only tell him how much he genuinely despised the idea of you and Bin together. Even more than he had thought.

Until they pulled away and he realised it was not you. Nor did the girl actually look like you. And he felt like he could breathe and go on with his night again.

His mind was truly somewhere else tonight.

Taking a deep breath to try and compose himself, he proceeded to open the fridge like he had meant to from the beginning, so he could take a can of beer for Yerim out of it.

"Can you get me one?" Bin asked him from behind, earning a small jump from Hyunjin.

"Uh, sure" he mumbled, shakily reaching for another beer and handing it to his hyung. 

As Changbin opened it and took a sip, Hyunjin couldn't stop his eyes from travelling to the girl a couple of meters away, who was now talking to another of his classmates. He quickly recognized her as Soyeon, one of the popular acting majors he used to see at every other party, and he couldn't help but wonder how come he had for one second thought her dyed bright red hair belonged to you.

"Don't you even think about cockblocking me tonight" Changbin warned with a taunting smirk once he caught on Hyunjin's stare on her.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, leaning back on the now closed fridge. "Don't intend to".

"Because she's not Y/N," Changbin took a sip of his beer. "Otherwise you would've already been pulling her away, wouldn't you?"

"I wouldn't…" Hyunjin's voice came out way too uncertain for his own liking. "I thought you… she…"

Changbin followed his friend's gaze once more, a knowing smile parting his lips when his eyes fixed on Soyeon and he got what Hyunjin was trying to say.

"Y/N didn't come," he repeated what everyone had already let him know. "So don't worry, I'm not making out with her tonight".

Hyunjin scoffed. He did so not care about that. Although the last addition of the word 'tonight' did not sit quite well with him.

"I know".

"Go back to your hookup then," Bin motioned towards the beer Hyunjin was holding, guessing it was for someone else. "There's nothing for you to worry about here".

"I'm staying here for a bit longer" Hyunjin stated, placing the beer can on the kitchen counter and pulling his phone out of his pocket. "You can go back to sucking faces, though".

Changbin smiled, saying nothing more as he made his way back to the awaiting girl. Hyunjin gawked loudly when Bin's mouth crashed against hers — feeling accomplished the moment he got flipped off by his hyung.

Taking his phone out, he bit his lip as he considered whether he should do what he was about to or not. His thumbs acted before his mind, however, opening your chat and wasting no time on typing the words before he could give it another thought.

You had been on his mind all night, it was driving him crazy. Hearing his friends tell him you weren't coming was not enough anymore, he needed to hear it from you. Well, read it from you. That way he would stop thinking about you being there when you were not, and he would be able to focus on his night with Yerim.

What he didn't expect was for his plans to change as soon as you confirmed what he wanted to know and told him you were not coming, for his priorities to change the second you told him you were at the art studio alone and would be walking home on your own in the middle of the night, and to feel the need to go to you when, on top of all that, you said your head hurt.

He didn't even realise when he had told you he was coming to you, but he didn't regret saying it either. 

Grabbing the beer can once more and leaving the empty cup of soju on the counter —as he would not be drinking anymore—, he made his way to let his friends know he was leaving earlier and then to the girl who was still waiting for him on the sofa. She smiled as soon as she saw him walking towards her, and just for a moment, Hyunjin wondered whether he should fuck up this new chance he had to hook up with her, for you. It only lasted a second, then he was handing the beer to Yerim and explaining to her that an emergency had come up and he needed to leave right away.

So he left, with the promise of seeing each other later.

And then there he was fifteen minutes later, paying for a bottle of water for you after having dropped by his dorm so he could get you some painkillers for your headache.

Life surely was unpredictable.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—♡

Hyunjin hissed when he tripped on the main entrance's staircase, for a moment there wondering why the hell your faculty was so goddamn dark, before it hit him what time it actually was.

He had never been to the art studio at night. He had hardly ever made it to the art studio at all — mostly to one of the art classrooms whenever Mrs. Moon asked him to model for her students. Seungmin was the only friend of his who was an art major, after all, and he had never needed his presence at the studio other than for a few coffee runs here and there. Of course you were there, too, but up until last month he would never have gone all the way there just because you needed him to. Not past midnight at least. Definitely not when he was at a party, just about to hook up with someone else. Unlike now.

Something had changed, that he could not deny. He didn't know what exactly, or maybe he refused to put his finger on it because he did not like the answer. But something had definitely changed between the two of you for him to offer to bring you painkillers all the way here and to walk you home afterwards.

A small smile he could not suppress made its way to his lips as he thought about how ridiculous the whole situation was, how ridiculous he must've looked to his friends and anyone else when he told them he was leaving the party to go see you instead. God, he didn't even want to think about all the questions they would ask the next day.

At least he wouldn't look ridiculous by tripping again, he thought as he reached the hallway to the art studio and was met with the rather bright lights of it turned on, which he guessed was your doing as the self-proclaimed ultimate nerd. It didn't last long, though, for as soon as he entered the studio, he was met with mostly darkness all over again — a dim light coming from a lamp in the corner being all he could count on to recognize your sleeping figure by one of the desks.

Another smile took over his face at the sight of you, staring at you from afar for a couple of seconds before he quietly made his way over to you. Your face remained slightly hidden in between your folded arms over the table, messy strands of hair helping to cover you up some more, yet he still managed to get a glimpse of your closed eyes and the faintly still fresh painting under your body.

Taking a seat right in front of you and placing the bottle of water he had brought for you on the table, he found himself internally debating whether he should wake you up or not. He knew he had to, there was no way you were spending the night there, but you looked so peaceful right then, body softly moving up and down with each breath you took, that he couldn't help but feel bad to disturb your sleep.

"Y/N…" Hyunjin whispered after a while, reaching over the desk to gently shake your shoulder. "Hey…"

"Mm…" you whined, weakly trying to free yourself from his hold.

"Y/N," he shook you once more, this time getting you to open your heavy eyes. "You fell asleep".

"What time is it?" you mumbled, voice hoarse as you were just starting to take in your surroundings.

"A little past one" he let you know.

You nodded, muffling a yawn against your forearm before you sat up straight, tiredly rubbing your eyes and then fixing your hair at the realisation of Hyunjin being the one you were in front of — remaining absolutely clueless about the blue oil paint stain adorning your cheekbone.

He, on the other hand, didn't fail to notice as soon as your face was no longer hidden. A small, breathy laugh escaped his lips at the sight of it. Cute.

"Are you feeling better?" he wondered.

You shrugged. "Don't know…" your eyes wandered around the poorly illuminated room before they focused on him. "I think so?"

"You think so?" he chuckled. "You still need the pills?"

"Mhm…" you nodded. "I didn't make you come all the way here over nothing".

"You didn't make me," he corrected you, reaching into his jean's pocket for the painkillers tablet he had brought. "I offered".

"More like didn't give me a choice" you taunted with a small smile.

Hyunjin laughed, shaking his head in defeat. "You seem to be a lot better, you sure this wasn't a trap?"

You rolled your eyes, snatching the tablet from his hand and taking a single pill from it. "I guess the nap helped a bit".

"Mhm…" Hyunjin agreed, taking the lid off the bottle and then handing it over to you. "Good thing I came, otherwise you would've spent the night here for what I could see".

"My saviour" you cynically over-dramatized as you put the pill in your mouth, taking the bottle he was offering you and sipping down a good amount of water.

"You are very welcome" he smiled, cynically as well.

Only then a genuine smile took over your face, closing your eyes for a moment and leaning back on the chair as you waited for the pill to make effect.

It was oddly comforting how you could so easily go back to joke around with each other after what happened the last time you had seen each other, how comfortable you were in one another's presence even after you hadn't talked at all ever since, and after you had avoided him because you were sure you would burst into tears the moment his eyes locked with your still very embarrassed ones.

None of that seemed to matter right then. You didn't know why, maybe it was the fact that you weren't fully awake yet and didn't have it in you to be embarrassed, but you were thankful you didn't really have to address the past events in order for the two of you to be able to hang out again.

"Thank you," you spoke up after a while. "You really didn't have to come".

"It's okay," he reassured you, carefully watching you close the bottle and place it back down on the table. "I couldn't let you walk to your dorm alone at night whilst having a headache".

"You could've, actually".

"I didn't want to".

"Such a gentleman" you smiled, and he couldn't tell whether you were being honest or you were once again teasing him, like it was oh-so-usual by now.

Therefore, he ended up rolling his eyes and ignoring your comment altogether — eyes travelling down to the painting you had been working on instead. "So what have you been painting all night?"

"Nothing," you replied in a heartbeat, pulling your artwork towards you and under the table embarrassingly fast.

"That didn't look like nothing…" he pointed out, watching as you opened your backpack lying on the floor next to you and shoved the small painting inside. "Yah, why can't I see? I already saw some of it before you snatched it away".

"You don't just go around looking at a lady's painting, Hwang Hyunjin" you brought an offended hand up to your chest.

His mouth opened up in defeat, biting down on his lip to hide the smile that had just made its way to his lips at your words. "I won't show you any of my paintings ever then".

"You've never shown them to me anyway" you playfully stuck your tongue out to him. "You can just take a look around if you're that desperate to see my paintings, though".

"I wanted to see that one, though" he pouted.

Regardless of his bummed up statement, which you were not falling for, Hyunjin proceeded to take a look around your usual working place. 

He had seen most of it when Seungmin had asked him to bring the two of you some coffee over a couple of weeks ago, before the —not— double date you had gone on with him and Chaeryeong. Funny how this wasn't actually the first time he had dropped everything else to bring you something.

Everything was pretty much still the same, colourful canvases everywhere in the room making a mess of it, yet somehow filling its white walls with life. Yours in particular remained all piled up by the floor, next to your self-assigned desk. The only difference from the last time he visited was a rather big flower painting on what used to be a blank canvas on an easel. Although he knew you had gotten an A+ on your last assignment, he had never seen the final result, and it only took him one look at it to know why you got the grade you did.

He recognized the flowers on the canvas right away, although the entire scenery portrayed on it gave away that you had decided to paint the ones you had seen by the Han River — more precisely, the ones you had seen with him, when the two of you had gone away from your friends to give them some privacy and ended up wandering around for hours, sitting down after a good while on the green grass a few meters away from the water.

You had pointed out how pretty they were, and he had agreed. That was all there was to the purple lilacs you had dedicated your entire work to, as the rest of the day you had spent it sitting down there, talking and having a laugh. He didn't realise you had been looking at them every other minute, and he most definitely did not think you would get your inspiration from them. Something about the situation made his heart race, however… in a very nice way.

"Watercolor" Hyunjin mumbled, catching your attention as he stood up and walked over to your side of the desk, where the easel with your painting was.

"Huh?" 

"You ended up using watercolor," he explained, leaning in to take a closer look at it. "You weren't sure what technique you were going for back then".

"Ah, back at the river?" you guessed, receiving a small nod from him. "Yeah, I mean… I thought of playing it safe with oil painting, but…"

"I told you watercolor was the best way to go" he smiled triumphantly.

You rolled your eyes, standing up as well so you could get closer to him and get a better view of the painting you had already moved past from after it was graded. "Don't get so cocky now. I only went with it because it worked better with the result I was going for".

"Mhm… sure" he teased, dramatically placing a hand on his shoulder after you had lightly shoved him with yours.

"I'm never using watercolor again".

"Aw, never again?" he teasingly pouted, taking one step towards you.

"Nope," you stated. "Well, starting off once I finish the painting I promised Felix".

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "You're painting something for Felix?"

You nodded. "He saw my project when he came by the other day and asked me to make one for him. I mean, I'm sure he was like, half joking, but…"

"How come I don't get a painting from the next Picasso?"

A snort escaped your mouth, followed by an amused shake of your head. "You haven't asked".

"Can I get one?"

"I don't know," you played it hard, puckering your lips and looking at the ceiling deep in thought. "Will I ever get a painting from you?"

"I'm not an art major" he reminded you.

"Doesn't make you any less of an artist" you smiled.

Hyunjin couldn't help but mirror your smile, finding himself undoing the eye contact as he felt his cheeks suddenly burn. "If I say yes, will I get one from you?"

"I asked first".

"No, I asked first" he contradicted.

Rolling your eyes, you stood up straight and folded your arms under your chest. "Yeah, I can do that".

"Okay then," Hyunjin smiled. "I haven't ever painted for anyone, but I guess I could make an exception for you".

Lowering your head in a poor attempt not to show the beaming smile that had taken over your face, you cleared your throat, taking a step back and staring at the rather messy desk you had been working on —and sleeping on—, as you tried to control your heart from going wild.

"So we have a deal?" he leaned slightly in, looking for your eyes.

You nodded, finally looking up at him. "You're probably getting an oil painting, though. That's what I've been mostly into lately".

He chuckled, causing your heart to make another jump the second your eyes caught a glimpse of his hand getting closer. The space from his body to your face felt almost as if it happened in slow motion — until the warmth of his touch was comfortingly placed on your cheek, and his thumb rubbed ever so gently on it.

"Yeah, I can see".

"W-What?"

Hyunjin laughed breathily, running his thumb up and down your cheek once more. "Your cheek is blue".

Being hit by reality, you brought your hand up to cover it, later staring down at your art supplies and only then realising you had fallen asleep on top of the piece you had been working on that evening. "Yah, why didn't you tell me?"

Another laugh escaped Hyunjin's mouth, this time more of a giggle. "Because you look cute".

"Don't," you whined, rubbing your palm against your cheek to try and take the paint off. "I bet I look like an idiot".

"You look cute," he repeated. "I can help you even it up, though".

"Wha—"

Hyunjin's fingertips tracing against the until then clean side of your face was quick to cut your words off, having your stunned eyes travel down to the palette on your desk and then to his hand, only to be hit with realisation at the sight of his freshly yellow painted fingers.

Not like the mischievous smile parting his lips and the loud giggle that escaped them right after didn't give away what he had just done anyway.

"Hwang Hyunjin!" you recriminated him, reaching for the palette and staining your fingers with fresh paint as well.

"Wait, no" he backed away as soon as he saw you were about to take revenge. "No, I'm no—"

His mouth remained open forming a perfect 'o' once you had smashed a mixture of blue and yellow on his chin, being now his turn to watch you laugh.

That lasted a little over three seconds. After that, chaos was unleashed as he snatched the palette from next to you and started merciless chasing you around the studio. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" you pleaded in between your own laughter as you went around the desk.

"Saying sorry won't save you" he warned you, smiling when he managed to corner you against it and the wall.

"Careful with the clothes," you begged, holding your hands up in front of him for him to stay away. "Careful with th—Hyunjin!"

He threw his head back to let out a throaty laugh after having smashed some more paint on you, this time on your neck, as you had not stopped moving while he aimed for your chin.

"If you stained my sweater I swear t—"

"I didn't," he reassured you with a smirk. "This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't put paint on me".

You scoffed in utter disbelief. "Excuse me, you're the one who started".

Hyunjin chuckled. "I was only trying to even up the stain you gave yourself".

"It's only fair I even up that stain on your chin then" you nodded, reaching out to get more paint from the palette he was holding.

"It's right in the middle, there's nothing to even up" he pointed out, squinting his eyes at you after you had painted his cheek instead.

"Oops," you cynically pouted. "Seems like I will have to even that up now".

He rolled his eyes, both in amusement and resignation, and turned his cheek to you while he leant in, so you could get it over with. You smiled, letting out a giggle that had him smiling as well before he once more felt your fingertips trace against his cheek — this time slower, gentler, as you no longer feared getting caught by him.

"Happy?" he wondered, turning to you.

"Mhm…" you managed to get out, gulping down your nervousness at the sudden closeness — memories from the last time you had him this close invading your mind. "We should, um… I should get m-my things, so we can leave…"

"I haven't evened up the stain on your neck, though".

Your heart jumped, and a wave of heat reached your face. "Haven't you painted me enough?"

"Nope," he smiled, placing the palette down on the desk and taking some more blue paint from it. "It's only fair".

You rolled your eyes, clearing your throat as quietly as you could not to show how nervous you were. Nevertheless, you tilted your head to the side, resignatedly exposing your neck to him. "If you say it's only fair…"

He laughed under his breath, using one of his clean fingers to move your hair behind your shoulder and avoid getting oil paint on it. "You know it is".

You didn't know why you felt the way you did, he was literally just putting some paint on your skin like he had already done two other times by now, that was it. However, your knees went weak at the contact of his fingers against your skin — his every trace burning down each inch they touched. He had already painted your cheek and the other side of your neck, but his touch right then didn't feel quite like it had felt before.

Ten seconds felt like an eternity, as his gentle touch and his calm breathing hitting your skin had sent you over the moon.

"Are you painting something over there?" you wondered when his traces no longer felt like simple lines, earning a small laugh under his breath.

"Just a couple of lines" Hyunjin reassured.

You didn't buy it. "If you're drawing something embarrassing, I—"

"Okay," he mumbled, standing up straight with one last tap to your neck. "We're even now".

You leaned slightly back, trying your hardest to look down to your neck, although you knew there was no use. "It's done?"

Hyunjin nodded, smiling ever so softly when your eyes fixed on his. You had never seen that look on him, not towards you, and for a moment there you allowed yourself to have hope — hope about him maybe, deep down, having feelings for you, too.

And that hope was only reassured when his hand reached up to cup your cheek for the second time that night, rubbing tender circles near the corner of your mouth that took your breath away.

"I don't think there is anything else for you to even up now…" you pointed out in a whisper, voice failing you under his intense stare.

"Y/N?" he asked, eyes travelling from your lips to your anticipating eyes.

"Mm?"

"Does your head still hurt?"

You laughed quietly, breathily. "Kinda forgot about it with the whole you chasing me around thing".

Hyunjin smiled. "Good".

Just like that, he leaned in and closed the space between your mouths — plump, soft lips trapping your bottom one, as you remained too stunned to do anything other than close your eyes and get lost in the gentle touch of his you had craved for so long.

It roughly lasted five seconds, maybe six. Too short of a time for you to be able to tell whether you were dreaming or not. Yet that was all it took for you to wonder how you could have survived all this time without getting a taste of his lips. All it took for you to want more, for you to know you needed more.

One look at Hyunjin and the way his eyes once again travelled back down from your eyes to your mouth, was all it took for you to know he was feeling the same.

And just like that, his mouth was back on yours, and you confirmed this was indeed not a dream, nor your recent headache driving you mad.

You kissed him back this time, melting under the touch and taste of his lips, and the warmth of his hand as it travelled down from your cheek to your neck. Your hand rested comfortably on his chest while your other arm wrapped around his neck, tugging at his t-shirt when you stumbled against the desk he was cornering you against.

That seemed to give him the perfect opportunity to lift you up and sit you down by the edge of it, barely giving you time to adjust when his hands were tightly grabbing your waist and his mouth was back on yours. 

Bringing your other arm up around his neck as well, you tightened your hold around it, letting out a contented hum before opening your mouth and allowing his tongue to gently massage yours.

A part of you still felt like you were dreaming with each touch of his. The way his hands moved slightly down to your hips and tightened their hold on them to pull you closer to him, the way his thumbs caressed the spot they were resting on, the way his hot mouth felt on yours, and how his heavy breathing would hit your face… it all felt too perfect, too dreamy to be true.

It only hit you that you were in the middle of the art studio when Hyunjin's hand pressed to your lower back and his body leaned over yours, placing your hand on the desk to keep your balance and managing to press it down on the long forgotten palette instead.

"Wait, wait" you mumbled against his lips, pushing him slightly away by his chest. "Someone could walk in".

"Don't care" he whispered, trapping your lip in between his once more — only for you to pull away and stare at him with incredulous eyes.

"Are you drunk?" you questioned.

"No," his eyebrows furrowed. "I only had one drink the whole night, do I seem drunk to you?"

You denied with your head. 

He smiled, stealing another kiss from you. "Do I taste drunk to you?"

Your cheeks burned at his question. You denied again. "Last time, though…"

Hyunjin sighed, defeatedly resting his forehead on yours at the memory of the way he had pushed you away when Yerim walked into the dance studio. "I wouldn't have pulled away if you had been kissing me like this".

You playfully shoved him away, hearing a loud giggle escape his mouth as your face burned up harder. "You're the one kissing me".

"Maybe…" he murmured, already back at looking for your lips. "But you're not stopping me".

Rolling your eyes in feigned annoyance, you pulled him into another kiss, feeling like your heart would burst out of your chest when you felt his breathy laugh against your mouth, taking a moment to cup your cheek and deepen the kiss.

You swore you could kiss him all night. Especially since, even if it hurt to admit, you didn't know if you would ever get to kiss him again and feel as good as you were feeling right then.

This could only be a one time thing as far as you knew. You wished it wasn't. You truly wished it wasn't. But you were making the most out of it regardless.

No matter how long you could kiss him for, however, you knew reality would hit at some point. It was his phone buzzing in his pocket, the one to bring you back to it.

You had both ignored it at first, being too busy getting a taste of each other to care about anything else, but Hyunjin ended up breaking the kiss apart when it wouldn't stop — not without having first let out a frustrated sigh and mumbled a small 'sorry' against your swollen lips.

"You're not answering it?" you couldn't help but wonder after he had taken one small look at the screen and shoved it right back in his pocket.

He shook his head no, resting his hands on your thighs and smiling before pecking your mouth. "I can get back to them later".

You bit your bottom lip, smiling against his mouth when he leaned in to steal another kiss you didn't wait to return. "We should probably leave…"

"Mm…" he whined against your mouth. "Just a little more…"

A light laugh escaped your lips, pulling him in by placing your hand on the back of his neck and planting two chaste kisses to his needy mouth. "It's like, two in the morning by now…"

He sighed, reluctantly letting go of you and resting his forehead on your shoulder for a second before he stood up straight. "It's not that late but okay, let's go".

"I thought you wanted to go back to the party after dropping me off?" you pointed out, getting off the desk and going to pick up your bag.

"Nah, I'm not going back there" he shrugged,  rolling his eyes with a smile when you questioningly squinted your eyes at him. "I'm not!"

"If you say so…" you shrugged as well, throwing your bag over your shoulder and turning the lamp by your working spot off.

Maybe not the brightest of decisions, considering the room went nearly pitch black, if it weren't for the hallway's lights giving you some sense of visibility. That didn't stop you from stumbling against one of the chairs as you reached Hyunjin's side.

"Easy," he teased, grabbing your wrist even though you were far from falling down. You didn't protest. "Do I have to carry you out of here?"

"Shut up" you half whined, half laughed, sticking next to him as the two of you made your way out of the studio.

You couldn't help but smile as soon as the light of the hallway hit his face, only then realising how pink his lips were as a result of your previous doings. Somehow, that simple sight had managed to make the entire situation feel more real.

And if it weren't because you had gathered every single bit of self-control in your body, you would've pulled him into another kiss right then and there.

"What?" he dumbfoundedly asked at the sight of your shy smile.

You shook your head in response, trying your best to brush it off as you reached for his cheek and traced one of the oil paint stains your fingers had left. "You look ridiculous".

Hyunjin's mouth opened in full offense. "Here I was calling you cute, and now you go and insult me".

"Well, you do look ridiculous" you laughed, earning a small shove from his shoulder on yours. "Let's hope it washes off easily".

He shrugged. "It was worth it anyway".

Your heart jumped at the sound of his words, standing still in the middle of the hallway as Hyunjin resumed walking towards the exit. It didn't take long for him to realise you were not following — turning around and tilting his head when he saw you just standing there, staring at him in complete awe.

"You coming?"

You nodded your head, still a bit stunned as you were brought back to your senses. Taking a deep breath to try and collect yourself, you rushed next to him once again, so you could for once and for all begin your ten minutes journey to your dorm.

Although you didn't want this moment to ever end, and you loved the thought of walking home alone with him, a part of you hoped to get there soon. You didn't know how much longer you would last before the realisation of tonight's events hit and your knees finally gave out.

tag list: @blaaiissee @hyuneytoast @staysuki @tardiscompanion @princehyun-jin @hyuka-luvbot @halesandy @nattisbored @qnjayn @hibuki-chan @purenjuniverse @seungly @suhnnyskiess @midsoulz @yellowroseskolchek @esme-ordaz @perriwiinkle @n4n444 @andnowimtalkingtomyself @leafyshroom @emmie5168 @soobin-chois @readingfanfic-ly @multifandomizer @elviransworld @valewoos @ktttwwn @hazzaloveschopsuey @hannahdinse8 @youngestdelacour @zoe8stay @sadbixth11 @phenomenalgirl9 @hwangful @aeminju @threevracha @kai-maree @laryisthinking @wolfietara @iam2out @kingggjaay @cosmic-railwayxo @straykidsficsrecsbaby @marsophilia @choibeomgogi @ddaengpotate @oceanyocean @rinsdesires @jhslmhbtsskz @lixlovesworld

#skz #stray kids #hwang hyunjin #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #hyunjin imagines #kpop #kpop fanfic #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #hyunjin fanfic #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #hyunjin scenarios #skz fake texts #stray kids fake texts #hyunjin fake texts #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 12

chapter 22:

1. 😟😟 all james wants is for sirius to be there for james the way james ALWAYS was for sirius

2. 😟 james wished hodge happy birthday even though hodge died yesterday. i- i am not okay

3. “Regulus never fails to look up. Evan would be proud of him for that, he thinks.” 😧 that was vile to put in there

4. james has resorted to BEGGING for medicine from sirius and can’t understand why sirius won’t send any. this hurts so bad

5. nope. i’m done. i can’t read any more. james started looking forward to death cause he would be out of this arena and out of pain. jfc i’m done

6. anyways. i’m back cause i couldn’t stop reading.

7. REGULUS AND JAMES ARE REUNITED!!! THANK GOD!!! 😊

8. 😧 wait nevermind. james just mistook regulus for sirius. “James has never, not once in his life under any circumstances, mistaken Regulus for Sirius”

9. james is delulu from medicine and reg just found out that the plan has always been to get reg home. this hits like a motherfucking truck

10. james is high as a fucking kite, can’t figure out why “sirius” is being mean to him, cause he’s never been mean to him. and is also wondering why “sirius” is oddly attractive for being mean

11. it takes james half a chapter, and reg cutting his shirt for james to realize it’s not sirius. cause sirius has different scars. i love james sm 😭😭

12. “What was Sirius thinking? Drugging James? In the middle of the fucking hunger games? That might be the most idiotic thing Regulus has ever known his brother to do, and this is Sirius he's talking about, so that's saying a lot. Sirius once flipped a cigarette in the air and tried to catch it with his mouth while it was lit, and kept doing it until he could actually consistently manage it, no matter how much it burned him. Though, in fairness, he can still do that trick to this day.”

LMAO WHAT??? that’s so random and i love it

13. 😧 legit sobbing. reg says that james lost the spark in his eyes. and he’s the one person he expected to never lose his spark

14. reg reveals that they both can go home. james’ spark is back. i’m sobbing harder now. they’re so in love

15. i eat, breathe, and dream those author end notes. bizzarestars writes their end notes the way my brain processes the fic. <33

chapter 23:

1. starting the chapter off with pain, i see. losing vanity changed james. like. horribly changed him.

2. “What Regulus hates more than James is his suffering.” jfc he’s so emotionally constipated

3. james is sad and all reg can think is hmmmm i want him to start flirting with me again, because it meant he was happy bitch wtf

4. awww they’re cuddling and just got a package! my babies are gonna make it out!

5. reg realizes he has to put on a show, so he offers to feed james. and wants to gouge his eyeballs out for offering that. 😭😭😭😭

6. i’m dying from embarrassment but this is also so fucking funny. reg is like. let’s talk about our feelings. for each other. and james is just like *head tilt* ???

7. “"You weren't my first crush, James," Regulus whispers. "You were my first love."”

james didn’t just make reg feel good, he made reg feel and i am NOT okay.

8. “This whole time, Regulus has been steady on the fact that he wouldn't kiss James to save his own life, but he's apparently willing to do it to save James'.”

JFC why is he so emotionally constipated???

9. THEY KISS????? james is gonna be heartbroken when he realizes it was all an act

10. oh thank god james realized. at least it broke his heart now and not in two weeks

11. *squints* now reg has never wanted anything more than this kiss. girl. please. realize.

12. god, i’ve never read a kiss more beautifully and emotionally desperate written.

13. 😏 reg called him baby again!

14. oh god, maybe i’m just as bad as everyone in the hallow. maybe i’m just as bad as them. cause i enjoy their romance. i enjoy it so much. maybe i’m just as bad as the hallow for that. i- i think this every time i read the hunger games.

15. “James wants to sink his teeth into Regulus and leave the deep imprints of his teeth from one jutting hip bone to the other.” sometimes i forget that jegulus is a little unhinged in ways like this. and every time i’m reminded, I LOVE IT

16. “"You treat me like I'm stupid for daring to see good in people, but if there's no good in anyone, then what's the fucking point?"”

this entire section. this. this is what james is all about

17. 😟 authors note just told me i’m no better than a hallow. for my excitement over jegulus. and- yeah. i guess so. i’m so sorry y’all

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #fanfic #sirius black #sunseeker #starchaser #crimson rivers

[fannyyann]

Hey, hope you're doing okay. I hope you don't mind me asking, but I am rather new to the mattdrai fandom and I couldn't help but wonder:

Was Matthew really as bad as a lot of fic lead to believe in his earlier hockey years in Calgary? And was he really disliked in the room - where there rumours like that? So many fics build on this premise, and seeing him now in Florida and hearing all the nice things his teammates say about him and seeing the things he does himself and the insane good hockey he plays... it's hard to believe.

It's so strange also that it's so rarely mentioned that Leon was the one to be sent down to the minors, not Matthew.

Plus what I don't get: matthew is a lot hotter than Leon? why is it always told like Leon is the hottest dude on earth while Matthew is nothing? comparing early pics and pics from now... it's just not true? Leon looks good, a bit bland IMO, but Matthew is and was just hot in a very unique and special way. maybe because he isn't that bland generic good looking Leon is? But good looking in a special way? so that got a lot longer than I thought it would, hope you don't mind the ask.

i don't mind you asking at all! this is basically my roman empire so MY apologies if this gets unwieldy but i have FEELINGS about matthew's early fic portrayal lmao

in his six years on the flames, matthew was always one of the top five scorers.

his rookie year, he was sixth in rookie scoring

the season he was picked for his first ASG, the flames were 16th in the league at the time all star rosters were announced and matthew was their top scorer.

so it's not like he was the best player from a bottom of the league team or going because he was the home town boy, he was a playoff team's best player (both at the asg break and when the season was eventually suspended because of covid).

and even in his career worst year (2020-2022), he ended the year as their third best scorer and only six points behind johnny (the leader). and as one of calgary's beat reporters said in his end of the year review, Matthew was "good, but not quite as good as the Flames needed him to be."

so i've never really understood why people were portraying him like that either and still haven't figure out if most of it was unreliable narrator kind of stuff or if some authors actually thought he was bad before he had his breakout season, but it doesn't reflect reality.

as for him being disliked in calgary, that all stems from jake muzzin flipping the puck at him, and the subsequent players only meeting that took place after it, in which matthew allegedly told the team he was upset they didn't join him in the scrum after and he was then told him it can't be a riot every night.

before that there were never any rumors that i'm aware of that he was unliked in the room, and in 2019 gio, who most people tend to think is the one who told matthew to tone it down, said this about another players only meeting:

so while the 2021 players only meeting was a story because matthew wasn't playing like his usual self afterward, i've never thought it was indicative of him not being liked by his teammates. and honestly, you have to take it all with a grain of salt anyway because while guys obviously bullshit the media, at the practice after the players only meeting guys talked about how there was a general lack of emotion, and how they came out there trying to have fun with each other and put it behind them, and in the postgame the next night, gio specifically sites getting into scrums and mixing it up when asked how much more emotion they played with in that win compared to earlier losses, so if mixing it up was good the very next night, the math doesn't quite add up, yk?

but johnny did confirm in his spittin chiclets appearance about two weeks after the muzzin incident that matthew was pissed after they left him out to dry that night, and when asked about matthew's struggles that season darryl sutter said matthew needed to, and would, get back to playing to his identity, so the whole cause and effect of the muzzin incident on matthew's play that season isn't completely unfounded, but i do think multiple guys saying the team needed to play with more emotion, johnny saying in the chiclets episode that the guys skating off didn't find out about the puck flip until they saw it on sportsnet and saying he felt bad about it, and the new coach coming in and getting matthew to play back to his style shows that it wasn't as personal as it was made out to be.

anyway, the flames may not have be as tight knit as the panthers are, but matthew had his people there. he's bffs with hanifin and his friendship with sam bennett is part of what drew him to florida. johnny always says great things about him, blake coleman called him the heartbeat of the team, and was such an important voice in the room that the flames suffered when he and gudbranson were no longer around to tell sutter to chill the fuck out when he was being too hard on guys in the room.

he probably wasn't close with every teammate, most people aren't friends with all their coworkers, but he wasn't some sort of loner in that locker room.

as for the looks, that's all down to personal preference. leon is definitely very conventionally attractive and while matthew has definitely glowed up in the last few seasons, he was by no means ugly. i wouldn't even say he's really unconventionally attractive either. he's got a good face and was a cute teen and people who are like "oh no i find matthew tkachuk attractive now" have literally never made sense to me. but again! personal preference and all that.

again, my apologies if you weren't looking for THIS MUCH of an answer to your question but this isn't even all the sources i pulled up when i first got this ask so i did TRY to keep it short lol

#matthew ask

[hitomisuzuya]

🌸🌷Heyy it's me again with the flowers lol

I was wondering if I could get a kunikuzushi x fem! Reader, basically reader gets their period and kuni is very confused as to what is happening, so reader basically has to give the entire sex ed to kuni, and when the reader is finished with the period kuni decides that he wants to prevent that next time, so the next day he asks if they can have sex, with him not knowing how amazing it will feel to him lmao

(I wanna hear him begging moaning whimpering whining and being such a cute bottom under me as I ride his cock lol I'm so down bad)

Anyways I hope you have a great day/night :D

Kunikuzushi x fem!reader. Smut. Sex Ed talk with Kuni. Period struggles. Bless his heart, he is so naive about somethings lol

a/n: Hello again! As soon as I saw this, I had to answer it before I went to bed. This is a whole mood cause I am down so bad for Kuni too😭 I hope you enjoy.

To say Kunikuzushi was confused was an understatement. He'd dropped by and asked if you wanted to take a walk with him. He came into your room to find you laying curled up, keeping as still as you possibly could. And he thought he could smell blood. He didn't know why and he was concerned.

"What's wrong? Are you in pain?" Kuni cocked his head as he looked down at you. "Your breasts look swollen? Why?" You gently smacked his hand away when he tried to massage one of them. He looked a little hurt and you felt bad.

You knew he only wanted to help.

"Ugh, Kuni no, not now. You can stay, but please, keep your voice down," you groaned, rolling over on your side to look at him.

Kunikuzushi sat down on the corner of your bed. "Tell me what's wrong, please. I want to help," he tried to sound as soft as possible. He always did everything you told him.

"Oh yeah..." you said, sighing as you massaged the bridge of your nose. You suddenly remembered he no idea what a period or sex even was. "I'm having my period, Kuni. I don't feel well. I'm sore. I have a headache. I'm having cramps. I feel so lethargic that I can barely stand."

You waited, knowing what his next question would be. "What's a period and why do you get it? It sounds so unpleasant."

He helped you as you sat up. "Okay, listen up, I was going to have to do this sooner or later since you are starting to get a habit of randomly groping me whenever you want. I don't mind, but, just listen to me, okay."

He blushed a little. He couldn't help himself. Your breasts and other certain parts of your body were starting to look interesting in a different way lately. Kunikuzushi listened, rapt with attention as you explained what a period was and why every girl gets one. And while you were at, you covered sex as well.

Your explanation was through and easy for him to understand. There was one thing you said made that made him misunderstand something.

It was when you told him that periods stop occuring when a women is pregnant. You could get pregnant from having sex.

Kuni thought that having sex with you would make your periods stop entirely.

"Why don't we just have sex?" He said when your cycle gave evidence of approaching. "You have about a week before you get your period. Let's stop it right now before it happens.

"No, Kuni.." How did he manage to misunderstand something so badly. This was your fault. "Okay, Kuni. We can have sex. Just go slow and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. And you feel uncomfortable at any time, please tell me and we will stop."

Besides, it's not like you hadn't been having thoughts of what sex would be like with him. You'd thought about it often lately in fact. He was always so eager to help you.

Kunikuzushi's eyes lit up. He looked so excites because he thought he was finally going be useful to you and help you.

While he pawed at your clothes, kissing and groping every part of you that he could, he would soon understand why he was getting so excited, especially when you made a pleasured sound. He trembling from anticipation when you rolled him over onto his back and straddled him, lowering yourself slowly onto his cock.

You were starting to get swept up at how cute and naive he was. You rode him slowly at first so you wouldn't overwhelm him. But when he started constantly whining and moaning, writhing beneath you, occasionally throwing an arm over his eyes, embarrassed at loud he was being. He felt so good right now that he wanted to cry. It made you ride him harder.

"Don't be embarrassed. You feel good, right? Let me hear you, Kuni," you brushed your finger tips over his nipples, tightening your thigh muscles for extra friction on his cock.

"Yes, please, ah, ah, go faster, y/n. The feeling I am getting..." He was starting to babble now, "it's so strong...feels so good..." The more you bounced on his cock, the more he cried out, groping whatever part of you that he could get his hands on.

Your own moans were only fueling the feeling burning inside of him. You stroked his hair, coaching him through his first orgasm, moaning at how good it felt to have his cum spill inside of you.

You made sure to ride him at a pace that would make him cum first. It would make it feel extra good to him if he felt you climax after he did. And it did.

That's when he cried out the loudest. "Good boy, my good Kuni, you did so well for me during your first time." You said, smiling down at him with a hazy look of satisfaction.

He was more exhausted than you were, holding you down on his lap just so he could be inside of you a little longer. "Can we do this again soon, pretty please?"

You giggled. Kuni just sounded so cute. "We can, soon, I promise." He was delighted with your response, curling up against you once you dismounted him.

#genshin impact #genshin smut #kunikuzushi #kunikuzushi smut #genshin imagines #kunikuzushi x y/n #kunikuzushi x you #kunikuzushi x reader #fem!reader

[saltydumplings]

What about a hero who is accustomed to suppression self restraint who's finally reached their limit with hero work (lack of appreciation, overworked, sleep deprived, so on), who finally says "fuck all this, I'm done, I wanna be a villain's pet;" all to the great delight of the villain who's been flirting with them for months.

Bonus points if the hero's severely touch starved.

Request #16

Cw: suggestive. Though it actually turned out low-key really wholesome, lmao.

The villain's hands had been twitching over the button all morning. They were sat in the back of an inconspicuous van, watching surveillance footage of an alleyway just a little ways down from them - eyes staring at the screen intently as they waited.

The hero always took this route.

Sure, their patrol paths changed each week but this was the one constant between them. The villain knew it well: they'd spent months studying the other's patterns. Months digging into every little detail they could find - all things from the way in which they liked to fight to how they took their coffee; the measurements of their uniform and the growing list of villains they'd defeated... And now it was time to finally put that information to good use.

A few minutes passed and the villain found themself fiddling with the item in their pocket, their left leg bouncing up and down excitedly as they continued to wait - patience not generally being their strong suit but in this case they were sure it would be well rewarded. Or, at least, they hoped it would be.

Their eyes flickered over to the time on their watch and then back again.

They tried to remind themself that this was their first true attempt at catching the other - that if it didn't go to plan then it would only make their next attempt even stronger. But they wanted it to go to plan. They wanted it to work - had spent months researching to make sure that it did work or...well, actually the research was more for after it worked... which it would.

It would.

They checked the time on their watch again, frowning at the fact the hero still hadn't made an appearance yet.

Did they get it wrong? No, they couldn't have: they'd surveyed this alley all week and the hero had come down it every day without fault. Was another villain delaying them - perhaps they got sidetracked.

Or perhaps the villain really should have spent less time fantasising about what they'd do with the hero once they'd caught them, and spent more time focusing on the actual catching them part...

They eyed the button in front of them with a newfound uncertainty, wondering now whether they should have gone with something a little more complex. But a cage was classic: it was easy, affordable and good for transport. Not to mention the hero would look absolutely delectable behind bars.

It was kind of obvious though.

Actually, all the hero had to do was look up and the whole plan would be ruined.

It'll be ruined anyway if they don't even show up, the villain thought mournfully, taking note of the time once more before unlocking their phone - doing a quick browse of the local news. As far as they could tell, no fights involving the hero had been reported. They continued to scroll down, seeing if anything had arisen earlier without their knowledge but nothing was coming up. They refreshed the page, half expecting something to appear when a flash of movement caught their eye - their gaze darting up to stare at the camera footage and nearly dropping their phone in the sudden fit of excitement that seized them.

The hero was in the alleyway.

They were there - right there - just a few steps away from where the villain needed them to be.

The villain quickly deposited their phone off to the side, hands hovering over the button as their focus remained transfixed on the screen.

Yes, just a little further. Yes, yes - so close!

They watched as the hero moved forwards, clearly not a clue in the world as to what was about to happen.

Yes, a little more - that's it, almost there. Just four tiny steps away - yes, yes! - one, two...

The hero looked up.

They stopped.

NOOOOOO!

The villain internally cursed themself - what the hell had they been thinking?! Stupid cage. Stupid, obvious plan; stupid hero looking up and seeing the damn thing; stupid, stupid, stupid--

They groaned in exasperation, hands retreating away from the button to instead cover their face as the defeat hit them in waves.

They wanted it so badly... Wanted the hero so, so badly.

They glanced back up towards the screen, eyes scanning wistfully over the hero's frame as they stood beneath the villain's trap before they turned back to the rest of the van, figuring they'd better start packing up before--

Wait.

Wait.

The villain rushed to turn back around, the sight of the hero standing exactly where they needed them almost making them giddy. Were they dreaming? Was - was this real? They slammed their hand down upon the button, watching as the cage dropped down to entrap the other - the hero not even trying to move aside as the bars blocked all ways of escape. The villain could hardly believe it - they caught them! They caught the hero, they did it, they caught them, they caught them!

They threw open the van's doors and scrambled out, all but running to the alleyway and squealing with delight at what they saw, making to run down it when--

Was this a trap?

Suddenly they forced themself to a halt, eyeing the other before them suspiciously. The hero had seen the cage, right? The villain had watched them look up - had thought for sure their plans had been foiled and yet...

They took a tentative step closer, head cocking to the side as they examined the hero within their trap: they were sat upon the ground, resting their head in one hand whilst the other tapped idly against the bars. They seemed...tired? Burnt out, even.

The villain's excitement turned to slight concern, closing the final bit of distance between them and soon coming to look down upon the other.

"Hero?" they asked.

The hero simply hummed, not bothering to turn their gaze upwards.

"You...you saw that this was a trap, right?"

"Yes," the hero said.

The villain frowned. "Then why step into it?"

At this, the hero sighed as they came to stare up at them, gaze weary as they regarded the villain with a look that was almost pleading. "Because," they said, "I need a holiday...if that's alright with you."

"You - you need a holiday?" the villain parroted.

"Yeah, and I, um, I already used up all my a-annual leave so..."

The villain blinked. "So you came to me?"

The hero blushed a little and the villain's eyes widened at the sight, a little of their excitement starting to return at the implication.

"Well, y-yeah," the hero said. "I-I mean you're always talking about, y-you know, and I just thought that - if I couldn't have a legal holiday then..."

"You consider being kidnapped by me a holiday?"

Oh, the hero was adorable - the villain had never seen them so shy before and they were revelling in it. Usually the other was so conserved when they fought, barely letting anything slip whenever the villain made their comments but here, now, they were like an open book, ready for the villain to read from.

Willingly.

The hero had come to them willingly - the villain could have danced: this was better than any plan they could have ever conjured!

The red tint covering the hero's cheeks seemed to darken slightly, their gaze flitting away for a moment. "On holidays you're meant to, um, enjoy yourself, right? Well, last time we spoke, you said that y-you would...spoil me. I-If you caught me which, now, you have."

The villain nodded eagerly, hands itching to touch the other as they leant down a little, wanting to get closer.

"Oh, Hero, I'll give you everything," they said, perhaps a little too quickly. They reigned themself back a bit - trying not to show too much of their excitement as they cleared their throat. "I-In return for good behaviour, of course," they added.

The hero huffed a laugh - the more confident side of them that the villain was well acquainted with starting to seep back through. "Villain, I'm a hero: good behaviour is kind of my thing."

"Then you won't have a problem getting on your knees for me?"

The villain had meant it as a command but it ended up coming out as a question instead. As much as they wanted this - oh, how they wanted this - they were still trying to play it somewhat carefully: they didn't want to scare the hero away, especially when it seemed the other was trusting them to give them the escape they clearly needed.

They held their breath, waiting to see what the other would do.

And the hero did not disappoint.

In seconds, the hero shifted their position, moving up a little and readjusting their legs so they were kneeling - their hands clasped neatly in their lap as their blush showed fully. Their gaze focused down to the floor and the villain dared to reach a hand through the bars, catching the hero's chin and softly tilting their head back a bit. The movement was smooth - the hero putting up no resistance whatsoever - and as soon as they met the villain's eyes the scene was perfect.

So completely, utterly, perfect - the hero was so perfect; so obedient, so cute, so completely theirs...

The villain couldn't help the delighted squeal of excitement that escaped their throat: they could dance, they could sing! Oh, it was all better than they could have ever dreamed, they were finally getting a pet - getting the hero as their pet, yes, yes, yes--

They cleared their throat, trying to get their mood to sober a little when they caught the hero smiling at them - an amused curl tugging up the corners of their lips. The hero wasn't meant to be amused, they were meant to be scared damnit! Well, not scared scared - the good kind of scared: suspense. Anticipation.

"G-Good," the villain said, ignoring the knowing look in the hero's eyes and trying to get back on track. "That's good - very good."

Their hand came up to stroke through the hero's hair, the other's amusement waning slightly as they shivered under the soft touch - practically melting. The villain used it to their advantage immediately, making sure to remind the hero exactly who was in charge here before they got any smart ideas.

"Now," they said, "just how long did you plan on this little holiday being?"

The hero bit their lip, hands fidgetting in their lap as they thought. "N-No longer than two weeks, I think."

The villain smiled. "Make it three."

"What? No! I have interviews coming up at the end of next month, the hero agency needs--"

"Hero, love, either you make it three or I'll make it four." The villain's hand came to a halt and gripped the hero's hair instead, just barely tugging at it in warning. It was nowhere near enough to hurt but certainly enough to get their point across.

A few seconds of silence passed between them, the hero pouting a little but their blush told the villain all they needed to know. They tightened their hold just the tiniest bit more - heart fluttering at the small sound that escaped the hero's throat.

"F-Fine," the hero said eventually. "Three weeks - b-but no more!"

The villain grinned and let go, revelling in the way the hero almost seemed to chase after their touch - their eyes practically fixed onto the villain's hand as it retreated back through the bars.

Oh yes, perfect - so perfect!

"We'll see about that..." they said. "You never know: perhaps after three weeks you'll want to stay."

The hero huffed. "I think it would take a lot of spoiling on your part," they replied.

"Well then, it's a good thing you didn't manage to catch me when I robbed the bank last month, isn't it?" the villain said with a small hum, knowing they'd won when the hero simply glared a little in response. They took a moment just to look the other over once more, eyes scanning up and down with an intensity that was almost feverish before they prepared to turn away. "Now, you just sit there and look pretty while I fetch the van - it's just around the corner, I'll barely be a minute so--"

"Villain?"

They'd started walking back up the alley but they quickly turned back, spying the hero looking at them with that same knowing smile from before.

"Yes?" they asked, somewhat anxiously.

The hero couldn't possibly change their mind now...could they?

The hero cocked their head to the side slightly, the manner of their voice taking on a more playful tone. "You know, you're allowed to be excited about this, right?"

The villain flushed a little, trying not to let their embarrassment show as they snapped out a reply. "O-Of course I know that!"

"Good," the hero said. Their hands came to rest upon the bars, legs moving to shuffle just a little closer. "You, um, you're cute when you're excited..."

A pause.

The villain could hardly find the words to speak so they didn't, simply turning back and all but sprinting down the alley and out of sight, rushing to fish the van keys from their pocket and get the hero back to their lair as soon as possible. If they happened to twirl around a lamppost or two on their way there then what of it?

The hero was right - they were allowed to be excited - but they'd be damned if they let the other know it.

#writing snippet #heroxvillain snippet #heroxvillain #hero x villain #hero #villain

[idyllic-affections]

a letter from aphelion. ♡

a letter to all the people who have made my year in one way or another. there is no particular order to this post, and some of you may find that i don't have much to say, but all of you who are on this post are here because i can recall times i've enjoyed speaking to you or seeing you in my notifs or just existing within the same space as you. i hope you all have only the best year possible next year—it seems like most of us need and deserve a good year, hm? though i regard myself as quite a gentle and sentimental soul, i struggle with putting it into words. it's ironic, considering i am a writer. i mention this because even if the things i say in this post are quite silly and lighthearted, just know that i earnestly mean what i say and each and every one of you has contributed to my year in a memorable way <3 may we all have a good 2024.

       dear @lillonvia,

YOU!!!! YOU!!!!! HELLO. HI. MEETING YOU HAS BEEN SUCH AN HONOR AND SUCH A DELIGHTFUL PART OF MY YEAR!!! i love the little silly conversations we often have—i think it's probably a good thing that we share so many random fandoms. it's as if we lived somewhat similar lives growing up despite growing up in such vastly different environments <3 but anyway, i think the fandoms we share are really helpful in being able to have such fun conversations!! we have many things to talk about!!! despite the vast difference in timezones!!!! please go to sleep at normal hours!!!!!!! /lh

       dear @starryshinyskies,

HI AVERY <3 i was literally always so delighted to see you in my inbox back when you were still ⭐️ anon, and i still feel that kind of joy now! you have so many good and fun thoughts to share with me about things i've written and i love that... i hope moral injury ch. 2 will give you that same kind of brainrot again when it does finally come out!!!! if it doesn't that's okay too HAHA but i always love hearing your thoughts on... literally anything ever!! i have some fics of yours that i've been meaning to reblog btw, so maybe watch out for multiple essays in your notifications in the coming weeks LMAO

       dear @aroacenezha,

MAJI I AM SQUISHING YOU LOVINGLY IN MY HANDS or i can just look at you fondly if you don't want to be squished. i am okay with that too <3 i often think about how we met and i think it's both kind of funny and kind of nice. "baizhu would hate dottore" agreed so real so true that post was so correct in so many ways RAAHHH 🤝 the nice part of the way we met being my baizhu series. despite me having NOT updated it any time recently, has brought a lot of people into my inbox and sometimes into my life and i think it's very cool. i love when people feel seen. and furthermore please always send me your oc thoughts and your blorbo thoughts i love them so much 🙏🙏🙏

       dear @soleillunne,

ALYYY MY LOVE MY BELOVED you are so precious and treasured.... i love what you do, i think your writing is beautiful and has such a poetic quality to it. and i love when you appear in my inbox and notifs!!!! though tumblr is very mean to you and always eats your asks.... you are important to me and so many other people and i hope you always know that. genuinely. you are such a kind and wonderful person and you are always loved.

       dear @heiayen,

YOU. *GRABS YOU* *EVILLY* you. you are so. idk but YOU ARE. can't think of a good word. no words, only vibes. you are vibe-y. /lh you're another moot that has the most top tier responses to things, even non-fanfic posts. you just have Things To Say, and in the best way possible. your thoughts are so fun..... i interact with you rather often—more than some people realize, perhaps—and you are a dearly beloved presence in my life 🫶🫶

       dear @zeldadou,

though we haven't talked too much recently, i still think of you often! i love seeing your art and the way it changes and develops... and i love hearimg your thoughts about things or when you send me fun things you think i would like <33 you are a very kind person in my eyes, whether you realize it or not.

       dear @june-again,

i hope life treats you well, always. you don't deserve anything less. i think of you fondly! your kindness is and was very remarkable and treasured especially when i was first adjusting to tumblr and posting my fics and whatnot..... by the time we met, i was still very new, so i appreciated any kind interactions (i still do of course! it's just a bit different when you're new to a website like this haha)!!

       dear @kaixserzz,

I FUCK WITH YOUR THOUGHTS DUDE YOU SEEM TO COME INTO MY INBOX AT THE MOST RANDOM AND UNEXPECTED OF TIMES AND DROP THE MOST HEARTBREAKING ANGST POSSIBLE??????? HELLO?????????? ARE YOU. DOING OKAY??!???!!!! YOU WAKE UP AND CHOOSE VIOLENCE. ESPECIALLY WITH KAVEH. WTF (me too tbh 😇) /lh please always send me any platonic thoughts you have i will entertain all of them fr 💥💥💥 you have such good thoughts in that brain of yours 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

       dear @archonsbane,

i haven't spoken to you much, so forgive me if this seems or comes off as a sudden or jarring tag, but i do enjoy talking to you. fatui moot <3 you GET IT get it about the harbingers' dynamics. i hope we have more opportunities to speak sometime! (and if that sentiment isn't shared, that is totally fine. i would respect it either way 🫶)

       dear @lesanyanyas,

we only became mutuals recently, but i hope you know that i always thought of you as one of the "blorbo from my notes" kinds of people haha!!! i always saw and recognized you whenever you were in my notifications or my inbox and you always have such delightful and fun things to say <33

       dear @umgatochamadopercyval,

CLARA HIII you are such a remarkable person, you know? you've been nothing but kind and understanding, and you have such fun thoughts and ideas!! i love hearing about them sm. even if my responses are delayed, just know that you are always welcome to ramble in my dms about your ocs or your fic ideas and i will never find it to be annoying or anything. it isn't annoying. it never is.

                                                 sincerely,                                                                           aphelion.

there are people who did not make this list, and to those people, i hope we can become closer in 2024! if you aren't on here, it's truly only because i've hardly spoken to you. so... perhaps that is something we can do next year! i think of all my mutuals very fondly. i don't think of any of you as "less than" just because we haven't spoken mwah mwah <3

#aphelion speaks 🌸

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 12

Hi friends!!

I read a certain dark romance book this week and then also spent some time trying to catch up on all my lovely mutuals' fics (and there were many), so the rec list is only like 9 fics this week. I guess that's still a lot? It's no 27 fics though.

If you tagged me in a fic this week, I'm planning to get to those soon I promise. The actual spreadsheet with all my recs can be found here and the masterlist for my fic recs can be found here.

Anyway recs below the Pedge

Adversity a Frankie/Ezra series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch

This combo... okay I'll just start with how unreasonably HOT this is. Like you got Ezra: protective, talkative, wild, a little feral, definitely likes to use his mouth, lean and impeccably dressed with that dumb little blond patch. Then you have Frankie: Established Canon Pussy Eating King, def talks you through it, broad shoulders and a cute belly, patchy beard you'd just die to have between your legs, broody boy. So obviously, I'm already about to pass out. And then!! Their relationship with each other makes me feel so many things. The way Ez pulls Frankie out of his fucked up head and the way Frankie settles Ezra UGH. And then!!! and then!!!!!!! The way they take care of reader and the way they all love each other and balance each other out!! The hints of the other TF boys in there is v fun also. I know this series is old, but I am dying for it to be added to. Every glimpse into this wonderful lil throuple was wonderful. <3333

i've got headaches and bad luck but they couldn't touch you - a Joel one shot by @tremendum

Brat tamer!Joel is sooooo fucking hot. This is filthy and I love it!

warmth - a Joel one shot by @grippingbeskar

ooooh i love how at first this is just a sweet lil fluffy thing and then you put *you can stop reading here if you aren't a whore. however, i am, so i will continue* LMAO. I'm obviously a whore so I obviously kept reading. This one is for my thigh riding girlies <333

the worthwhile fight - a Marcus P one shot by @swiftispunk

So glad you decided to write some sweet angel baby Marcus P!! And I love the lil twist with reader being the protective one, because.... I actually cannot see Marcus punching anyone. Like I'm sure he would if he had to, but in my head he's such a soft boy I can't. The smut, as usual, was just absolutely immaculate. Looking forward to more marcus from you maybe...???? (please)

Sparks fly - a Joel one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Ok listen... This is the second anal fic I've read in as many weeks that made me have emotions other than filth... How do y'all keep doing this to me. The story is adorable, I love it!! And then they eat each other's asses and it's hot and it's a good time. Honestly I'd still give this a shot if you're not into the idea of eating Joel Miller's ass bc there's a bunch of super cute interactions and some smut before that happens... If you're a freak tho... this is the one

Just a little taste - a Din one shot by @jksprincess10

I fucking love inexperienced!Din and I love when he tastes pussy for the first time and just goes absolutely nuts. This was so hot ugh.

Fire a Din one shot by @jksprincess10

Din Djarin Fluff Supremacy

Hungry Hearts - a Joel series by @atinylittlepain

Young Joel... in booty shorts... playing baseball??? Being a gratuitous flirt and a total asshole in the most frustratingly charming of ways?? Ok and then... he's also a MECHANIC... Slutty Joel is everything. Oh but let's not stop there! We also get girl dad Joel being the most stereotypical softball parent ever. Sarah and Ellie being so very Sarah and Ellie about the whole thing. Also like if you needed more incentive for some reason Joel gets hit in the balls while being a douchebag. I feel like I'm not selling this as well as I should be, but I don't want to give too much away. It's delightful. Read it!!

Peace - a Joel one shot by @swiftispunk

As a former John Green novel SIMP, I love the living eulogy thing. It has a special place in my heart and I refuse to apologize for that. This fic had me tearing up bc like... Joel Miller deserves to hear how good he is and how much he means to people and he doesn't really ever get that in canon. Not really. I am going to have a literal breakdown bye

----------------oldies but goodies----------------

The Appreciation of Fine Liquor - an Ezra one shot by @write-and-buried

poor baby - a Joel series by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

Just a little game - Javi P one shot @walkintotheriveranddisappear

quickie (boyfriend's dad!joel x reader) - a Joel one shot by @joelscruff

𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆, 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚 - a Dieter one shot by @psychedelic-ink

warm up - a Dieter one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Dieter Bravo x Library AU - a Dieter one shot @fuckyeahdindjarin

Bouquet, Bloom, Blossom - a Dieter series by @mypoisonedvine

----------------------------------------------------

Happy Reading

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction

[wolfsuggest]

I just think it would be really funny if it’s AU (I say AU cause I’m not saying post-show because fuck everything after *insert least fave season here for me it’s Ally’s death that made me just give up lmao* so all my faves are alive but like. None of That happened lol) and every two weeks the pack that’s still in Beacon Hills shows up to go camping in the woods. But like, nice camping. So they stick the parents in nice tents with camping mattresses that won’t hurt their backs and everyone else swaps between puppy piles (they lose boundaries closer to full moons) or nice nests.

But like. Peter is still a bitch. So obviously he started off with the biggest and best tent. Lydia and Allison have the second biggest but they’re even less snobby than him somehow. Stiles ends up extracting himself from a puppy pile wrapped up in a blanket and looking annoyed and tired cause they’re uncomfy af only to find Peter sitting in a full ass glamping style setup with an armchair and a book, and just without thinking about it climbs into Peter’s bed to pass out because fuck that Scott keeps running in his sleep and it’s so annoying.

So the next time they go out Peter hands him a nicer camping mattress.

And the next time it’s a better blanket and pajama set. And then it was a couple random comics when Stiles got bored. And fancy coffee during a morning even tho Peter claimed he would never make one of those little feral idiots his 50$ a cup coffee. And then a full ass new tent because Stiles got kept up all night one night and became so cranky even the Sheriff was like ‘kiddo, calm ur shit ur scaring the wildlife’ and Peter found it SUPER funny but also he’s afraid Derek’s bad morning personality would clash with Stiles’ and they’d kill each other. He’d even put money on the little one okay. Stiles looks like he could bite to the bone if tempted. So a nice new tent. And suddenly Stiles is regularly well slept. But, Peter misses those few times Stiles would crankily make his way to Peter’s tent and stink up Peter’s bed with human idiot smell. So he’s gotta get that attention back so he’s getting him new random things. New blanket, new pillowcase (not new pillow, he knows that rule) new pajamas, new slippers, steal an old blanket but it’s okay cause you got a new one lmao we know this trick Peter.

But then Derek is just sitting there wondering why Peter thinks he’s getting away with smelling like human idiot. He doesn’t Peter just also doesn’t care. And then suddenly that really confusing zip on tunnel that led from Peter’s tent to Stiles’ and ended up getting removed after the first time Stiles tiredly climbed into bed with him only to remember he got up to pee and now he barely made it and Peter laughed a lot but allowed the fragile human to keep his dignity and get rid of it but keeps waking up to a young adult on his chest anyways.

Anyways. Their wedding ends up being outdoors at this point okay they’re just gonna get married in the family camping grounds (where they keep the shed with all their camping gear so they don’t have to drag it back and forth and with three fully functional bathrooms in it because Peter is snooty and didn’t wanna be out here to begin with) and Peter’s snobby rich asshole college friends who haven’t seen him in years all got invited because he realized showing them he camps now is literally the funniest prank ever because they’ll think he’s trash now and won’t even realize that this is Peter’s version of being a rich snob too.

#steter #stiles stilinski #Peter hale #teen wolf

[universallychaoticpan]

Hi

I'm assuming that ur request is open can u do where (separate) Dazai and Fyodor's gf have 3 breakdowns over their 1 week long midterm/Exams. But problem is that s/o don't won't to cry & make themselves look like a fool in front of her genius bf. I studied but its still so hard & I'm so stressed that my mind cannot process information.

Anon, you have guess correctly, as my requests are always open. And I relate, I was so stressed trying to cram for midterms for two of my worst classes and then I go and get sick lmao. Anyway, though this is coming out later than anticipated, I hope everything turned out well for you. Come back any time and I hope you enjoy :))

Hurriedly, you wiped the tears from your bleary eyes, glancing over at the clock. It's glaring red numbers - not made any softer by the single lamp you had on - read 3:42 and you groaned into your hands. The words on the page in front of you blurred together, both because of your exhaustion and how much you had cried. Your coffee was cold, having failed to lend you any energy hours ago, and you froze as you heard the floor by your bedroom door creak. No matter how bad it was, you couldn't let Osamu see you this way. Sweet, cocky, charming Osamu Dazai who never had to try. Dazai who was practically a genius, who sometimes forgot what day it was but never failed to ace all of his classes without the sleepless nights you had to put in.

Honestly, you couldn't understand what he saw in you. Compared to him, anything you did seemed small; if he ever really tried, he could probably cure cancer. And you loved him. But it was nights like these that you doubted every time he ever said he loved you. Why would you? You couldn't hold a candle to him. What were you doing? Studying endlessly for an exam to pass a class to earn a degree that would let you work forever. The thought made you even sadder.

Now you were so blind to anything but the notes in front of you you didn't notice your boyfriend, rubbing sleep from his eyes and brushing his dark hair from his still glittering eyes (how he managed to always look so awake you would never know, the man had a worse sleep schedule than anyone you'd ever met) as he pulled up a chair beside you.

"You know, if this was me, love, you would be scolding me to get to bed and 'get some sleep for once in your life.'"

You jumped, hiding your face in your hands. "The hell are you doing here?"

"Well I was terribly thirsty and imagine my surprise when I find you here of all places."

"No Dazai," you sighed. "I mean why are you here? Compared to you I look like a failure- anything I can do, you can do better with your eyes closed and your hands tied behind your back. So why are you here instead of with any of the other genius girls in this place?"

Dazai blinked. His eyebrow lifted, a questioning look making his lips turn up. "Love, you know how our professors always say there are no stupid questions? That was probably the exception."

"But I don't stand a chance against you! I'm not as impressive or-"

"Y/n listen!" Dazai looked exasperated, rubbing his eyes as he gathered himself. "What's so wonderful about you is how you always put everything you have into the things you do. You're right, you aren't like me; you're better and that's why. You have to care about the things you do, because your passion decides the outcome. And one can not be apathetically brilliant. Remember that."

You smiled, laughing through a sob as you felt his arms close around you, leaning into his chest and breathing him deep. "Now please," he sighed, "can we please go back to sleep?"

Fyodor grumpily turned over, eyes assaulted by the glow of your laptop.

"My love it is four in the damn morning, respectfully, what could you possibly be doing?"

Before he could see, you released your lip from between your teeth, blinking away your tears and steadying your shaky voice before you said a thing.

"Nothing, don't worry. Just go back to sleep."

There was a slim chance he'd believe you; you loved how smart he was, but now you were hoping to heaven and hell that he wouldn't take a second look. If he did, he would see the raw skin of your upper lip where you pulled it off, the streaks of dry tears making lines of your skin glow just a bit brighter. He would have seen the heavy way your eyelids begged to close, the dark shadows beneath them bringing light to your exhaustion.

Of course he saw it all. He sat up beside you, closing your computer and looked you in the eye. His eyes were made for the dark; staring through you even now.

"You're the one always preaching to everyone else how important it is to care for oneself hm?" He held your chin gently, forcing you to look at him. "I should hope you haven't forgotten your own words?"

"You're one to talk," you muttered. "You've never had to try at all. I hardly think you're in the position to lecture me."

To your surprise, he laughed; the sound was low in his throat and soothing in the heat of the dark.

"Perhaps my love, but you're not in the right either. We both know this won't help you."

"Better than doing nothing."

In a second, he had your body pressed into his own. He rolled you away from your laptop, switching your positions on the bed while keeping his arms around you.

"Do not dismiss your well being so easily, dorogaya. What magic takes place when you sleep." He drew a finger down your nose, making you giggle in spite of yourself. "I watch as the night takes your weary bones and crafts them new for the day. I watch you become new each night, washed clean in a midnight sea as your mind creates stories for you to call kingdoms."

"Poetic bastard," you grinned, as you sank into him with each slow exhale. You could feel your spine release when his hands slipped beneath your shirt, his palms warm on your skin.

"The day waits for you; it will come. Do not rush it. Enjoy the night with me."

#dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #dazai bungou stray dogs #fyodor bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader

[eddieschains]

Thief. JK. (That’s just kidding not Jungkook) can I get 38 with Joe? Or Billy if you’re feeling up to writing him.

or whoever you want to write it for really onkksh really wanna see 38 lmao

the way you tempted me to write this for Jungkook just because… anyways i went with Joe because i’m so scared to write for Billy 😭 hope you still like it!!!

38. “We passed “just friends” about 20 fucks ago”

You and Joe had been attached at the hip practically since you two were born. Your parents were friends, which resulted in you two basically being forced to be the same.

Growing up, you did everything together. Went on trips together, went to parties together, hell you even would do double dates together. An excessive amount. It’s probably why neither of you could keep a relationship for more than a few months. Always something about how your partners thought you had feelings for each other. You always brushed it off, saying they didn’t understand your relationship. But with time, they proved to be right.

It was a drunken night out. Your parents anniversary party. You and Joe had a little too much to drink, ended up going home with each other, and fucked in every room until neither of you could stand straight anymore.

You both thought it was a regretful decision. But for some reason, you kept doing it. Every weekend without fail to be exact. The same thing, go out, get a bit tipsy, come home, and let your sexual frustrations out on each other.

You thought it was only physical. Which was fine at first. You weren’t getting laid anywhere else, so why not do it with someone you felt the most comfortable and safe with?

But, it’s easy to get attached when you have the same man thrusting inside of you and telling you how beautiful you are every week.

You’d been avoiding Joe for weeks now. Trying to process your feelings for him. Wondering if maybe it’s just the hormones talking, or if you really do love him.

Of course you love him. But only as a friend, right? Right…?

As the weeks go by, your phone becomes flooded with more messages everyday from Joe. You always gave him some lame excuse of you being tired, or not feeling well. And when he offered to come over for support, you ghosted him.

You never had a problem that he couldn’t solve, or that you didn’t need his assistance for. He knew something was up, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. That’s probably why he was pounding on your door at 9 pm.

“Jesus i’m coming!” You yell from inside the house. You huff a sigh before opening the door, being met with a very worried looking Joe. “Joseph.”

“Y/N.” He responds, pushing his way past you and into the living room. You groan, closing the door behind him. “So… wanna tell me what’s wrong? Or do I have to guess?” He sits on the arm of the couch, arms crossed as he awaits your answer.

“Nothing is wrong, Joe. Just haven’t been feeling great.” You take a seat on the couch, hoping if you fake sick he’ll leave you alone.

“You don’t look sick.” He sits next to you, examining your face. “Are you running a fever?” He places the back of his hand on your forehead. “No…”

“Joe stop!” You spit. He stops in his tracks, placing his hand back in his lap. “God I- I just…” You trail off, not able to complete your sentence.

“Well spit it out, won’t you?” He lightly chuckles.

“I need to know what this is. What we are.” He sucks in a breath, averting his eyes from yours. “Are we just friends who fuck or are we more? I need to know because if i’m honest, i’m catching feelings. But you probably don’t feel the same way and i’m just embarrassed by the whole thi-“

He cuts you off by smashing his lips against yours. You fall back slightly, before bringing your hand to his neck and sinking into it.

“Babe… I think we passed just friends 20 fucks ago.” You let out a sigh of relief, laughing at the way he was always able to find humor in the most vulnerable moments.

“Oh thank god. You have no idea how scared I was to talk about this.” You smile.

“I could tell. If you weren’t running a fever before you might be now.” He giggles, dramatically touching your face to check.

“Well i’m feeling a bit better now…” You smirk.

smut prompts!!

He picks you up off the couch, leading you to the bedroom. “Then what are we waiting for?”

#quinnypixie #stevie 💜 #joseph quinn drabble #joseph quinn smut #joseph quinn fluff #joseph quinn rpf #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn x fem reader #joseph quinn fic #joseph quinn

[glowingbadger]

idk if this will be too specific so feel free to mix and match as you like, but 2, 16, 37, and 38 for Axel?

AXEL MY SPECIAL MAN I love him so much, always thrilled to write for him lol. And y'know, I've had this concept in mind with him for a super long while that, after he gets his heart back, he might have a hard time fully dealing with how intense his feelings for Reader-chan are, and how different it makes the sexual side of things feel for him, so I'm gonna roll with that for this and apologies in advance if it gets a bit longer than some of the other kink prompt drabbles~~

(Side note I wasn't sure who you wanted on the giving/receiving end of any of this so... I guessed lmao. Also because this was a lot of kinks for one piece, I played a little fast and loose with them and some are represented more than others. I was just kinda winging it idk)

Anyway man I spent too much time struggling to find any time to write lately so like if I have to come back to this in a week to fix word repetition and type-os then... so fuckin be it I guess lol

Axel (Kingdom Hearts) x GN! Reader

Kink prompts list #2 - body worship, #16 - praise, #37 - massage, #38 - size difference

NSFW 18+

Axel kisses you differently these days. Like the moment he feels your lips on his, he's struck by something powerful and compelling. Like he can't quite control himself. With his heart returned to him at last, you've quickly discovered the novel and enthralling sensation of it pounding rapidly beneath your hands when they come to rest on his chest. But then- just as he has every time since your reunion -he stops. The warmth of Axel's touch leaves you, and he pulls away even as your hands subconsciously remain clenched around his black t-shirt. You blink your eyes back into focus. He glows in the early evening light where the two of you have settled on a large blanket along the shores of the Destiny Islands. The stunning turquoise of his eyes still seems to sparkle like the sea itself, even as he glances away from you and sighs.

"S- Sorry," he mutters, his head hanging, "We should, uh, probably get back to the others, yeah?"

Your brow furrows, and you pause to watch him at first. It's impossible to tell in the bleeding reds and oranges of the coming sunset, but it almost seems as though his face is flushed pink. You wonder- have you ever seen Axel blush before? It doesn't seem like him. But then, he hasn't had his heart for very long.

Just as he starts to pull away from you, you find your voice,

"Axel- wait," you gently tug him back towards you on the blanket, and he follows so that he's made to face you, "Is... is everything alright?"

"Huh? 'Course everything's..." he trails off as he meets your eye. His expression falls, and you can tell he sees the pained concern on your face. He sighs.

"Sorry, I uh... Ugh," he runs a hand through his hair, exasperated, "Don't look at me like that, c'mon. I'll spill, okay? It's just," his posture deflates, "it's pretty lame."

You shift closer to him, straightening the scrunched up blanket as you do so you can pretend you don't notice the way his body tenses beside you.

"You've just... been worrying me a bit lately, that's all. About how you're doing and, well, about us."

"Woah, woah, hey now!" Axel frantically takes your hand in his, holding it almost painfully tight near his chest, "Don't go thinking like that! Don't ever think that! It's my fault- I'm... not used to actually feeling all of this."

You front a bit, then your brows raise as you gradually begin to understand. As you process, he elaborates,

"Before, when I 'felt' things, it was more like remembering, or thinking about feeling. Like... when someone tells you something really sad, and you feel bummed about it, but you weren't really there, right? It wasn't your sad thing that happened."

You get the feeling that, for him, this is a frustratingly inadequate metaphor. Still, you understand well enough, so you nod.

"I got used to that," he says, his eyes low before raising them to gaze at you with a sincerity that makes your chest ache, "But now, it's different- I feel everything. I feel it so much- an-and, being around you, it... drives me absolutely nuts. My heart," he releases your hand and places his at his chest, "It just goes wild when I touch you, sometimes it's like it's about to go up in flames."

You look at him warmly, leaning close.

"Well, if anyone could handle that, it'd be you."

He gives a short laugh through his nose, and his gaze softens.

"Guess so. Anyway," he sighs, "it's super lame, so... I didn't wanna bother you with this. But I kinda blew it, huh."

"It's not lame, Axel," you say with a grin, "Honestly I probably should have thought of that before now- I'm sorry I didn't. It must be really overwhelming to be feeling so many things for the first time in so many years. You were just a kid when you lost your heart."

"Guess that's fair..." his body finally relaxes a bit, but after a pause, he adds, "Still, I feel like a jerk though. It's not that I don't wanna be near you, or... touch you and all of that," there's a heat in his expression as he speaks, raising a hand to tentatively graze his fingers down your jawline, "Man, I really, really do."

"Then... maybe you just need to ease back into it?" you lean into the feeling of his hand at your cheek, offering what you hope is a reassuring smile. He looks at you, confused but intrigued, and you say,

"Like, maybe you could just, you know, practice touching me. Take it slow, don't rush, and, well... touch me as much as you want."

The crimson of his face rivals his hair, and his voice scratches just slightly in his throat,

"Wha- like, like a massage?" he gives a short laugh, "I mean, I'll try, but I've never-"

"Sure, like a massage," you smile, and immediately begin undressing to only the bathing suite you'd thrown on beneath your clothes. He's seen your body before, back in his Nobody days- many times, and every inch. Now, you see his chest slowly rise and fall as he breathes deeply, watching you with something like awe in those bright teal eyes. A part of you dearly wishes you could fully understand how it feels for him. How world-shaking it would be to live without true emotions of your own, to somehow come close to love in that state, and then to one day regain those feelings and be confronted with the full intensity of it all. You wonder if he'll ever fully adjust; he lived without a heart for a decade, after all. But, at least for now, he seems very interested in that massage idea.

You lay across the blanket on your stomach and glance expectantly back at him over your shoulder. This seems to shake him back into the present moment, and he positions himself above you. Your body warms at the reminder of how much taller he is than you- the way that, in the past, he'd been able to manhandle you, touch any part of you, overwhelm you while you gasped his name. You shake the thought from your mind for the time being- he needs you to take this slow. For now, anyway.

Axel's hands come to rest tentatively at your shoulder muscles, and you smile at the familiar warmth of his touch. He's always been warm, though you suppose that only makes sense. Very gently- almost too gently- he begins to rub your shoulders up to the muscles at the base of your neck. You close your eyes and exhale, smiling while your heart flutters at the chance to finally feel this, feel him. Gradually, he works down to your shoulder blades, and you let out a groaning sigh as he works out a knot you hadn't noticed prior.

"Mmm, that's nice..." you murmur. You feel Axel's body tense behind you. "You doing alright?"

"Yeah," he says, too quickly.

Before long, those strong hands reach a firmer and more consistent pressure, and he seems ever slightly more sure of himself. You allow yourself a few happy sighs and groans to encourage him, commenting now and then when something feels especially nice. He takes his time, and you're patient, reminding yourself that, for as much as you burn and ache for more, he needs to be the one to guide your pace. Yet by the time his hands run down your back, tracing your waist and reaching your hips, you can't help the cat-like way you squirm beneath him. He's closer to you now, and you can feel his heat behind you. For a moment, you think you feel something else, too- something hard and warm at the swell of your ass.

"Damn, Y/N..." he mutters as he runs those hands back up your body, thumbs applying a wonderful pressure close to your spine, "You're gonna make me lose it with those noises..."

"Mmh, but it feels so good, Axel," you luxuriate on your words, mercilessly prodding at his lust. Perhaps it's cruel to tease him this way; already, you can feel the harsher grip of his hands, and you're certain you hear something like him biting back a groan of his own. With a playful look back at him, you arch your body and say,

"I missed this, you know. Having you on top of me."

"You little..." his words trail off, but his hands wander lower, briefly groping at your ass in a way that reminds you of how he'd grabbed and spanked you in the past.

"Sorry, sorry," you say with a small laugh, "Is this too much?"

"No," he grips your thighs and runs his hands upward until he's cupping your ass in both hands, spreading it beneath the fragile barrier of your swimsuit, "Now that I'm past that first barrier... it's nowhere near enough. Maybe that's what I was really nervous about this whole time."

At first, you only hum pleasantly as he fondles your body, your pulse racing with the thrill of his hands meticulously tracing your every contour. When you finally think to speak, you ask,

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." you feel Axel's thumb play along the edge of your swimsuit, just barely sneaking below the clingy fabric, "I mean that I'm so crazy into you that right now I can't think of anything but how badly I wanna show you exactly how my heart and body both feel about you. And once I start..." his body presses to yours, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, "I don't know how I'm ever gonna stop."

For a moment, you're mindless and breathless. The heat of him around you is intoxicating, warming you through to your core even as the sun begins to dip beneath the glassy ocean behind you. Axel props himself over you with one arm on the blanket beside you, while his free hand holds at your hip, tugging you against him so you can feel the pressure of his hard and throbbing cock against your ass.

"Please," you whimper, "Axel, I've missed you so much."

Without a word, he tugs your swimsuit out of the way and opens the front of his jeans. The head of his member presses to your needy, clenching little hole, then forcefully begins to spread you open around him as he thrusts forward. His impassioned groan is swallowed up by your gasping cry of his name, but for a moment, he simply remains sheathed in you. You'd nearly forgotten how big he is, and he seemed eager to remind you, but even so, you can tell he hasn't entered you to the base just yet.

"Sorry... for makin' you wait so long..." he grunts against your ear.

"Wo... worth it..." you barely manage to reply. The pain and pleasure of him stretching you around his iron-hard cock is mind-numbing. You feel the tingling sensation across your skin all the way to your fingertips. Then, just as you'd begun to get accustomed to his size, his hips begin to sway. Despite his desperation for you, he's gentle, carefully and gradually pumping into you at a pace that allows you to adjust as he fills you just a little deeper with each pass. Axel has always been so much more gentle than he wants anyone to know, but you adore the harsher things about him, too. When you feel the tinge of discomfort of his cockhead bottoming out inside of you, your ass finally meeting his lower abdomen, you sigh his name aloud in absolute bliss.

"How's... that heart of yours doing?" you half-sigh.

He's pressed against you, holding you with an incredible loving tenderness while his massive cock sends mind-breaking tremors through your core.

"On fire," he says, the pace of his thrusts picking up, his breath hot and ragged at the back of your throat, "I like it."

#axel #kingdom hearts #axel kingdom hearts #lea kingdom hearts #axel/lea #axel kh #lea kh #axel x reader #kingdom hearts x reader #kingdom hearts smut #not sfw #kink prompt #kingdom hearts fic #x reader