#anyway merry Christmas here’s some gays

[usikunox]

Merry Christmas! 💜🎄🖤

#I stayed up far too long finishing this cause I insisted on having it up for Christmas #save my poor tired soul #anyway merry Christmas here’s some gays #and thank you CR fandom for being so welcoming to me this year ☺️ #critical role #cr3 #laudna #imogen temult #critical role fanart #imodna #southern gothic #bells hells #imogen x laudna #laudna x imogen #art #my art #cr art #artwork #digital art #illustration #fanart #bell’s hells #wlw art #christmas #pate de rolo #shadow hound #(please give that good boy a name already) #usikunox art

[goo-berz]

Talking about Vivziepops' weird art of minors

I've never been the biggest fan of Vivziepop, I've always knew about their weird behavior (since like 2018 ~ 2019) before they were as popular as they are now.

She has done a lot of weird stuff but the thing I mainly wanna focus on in this post is their character Addison. Addison is a 17 year old gay effeminate fox humanoid from Zoophobia, he's in a relationship with a 19 year old Teacher's assistant named Gustav. Many people get confused by this but Addison has been CONFIRMED to be 17 years old by Vivziepop. Someone had changed Addison's Fandom Wiki page back in 2019 to say they're 18, when this is not true, Vivzie has confirmed they're 17. I did go back and change the age to 17 on the Wiki with the correct age in hopes that people stop believing incorrect information.

Vivzie confirming their age: https://twitter.com/vivziepop/status/1128064633166712832

The tags in this post brings up the fact that Addison is nearly 18 - not 18 yet - They're still 17.

Edit: Oh yeah, I want to add on context to this tag: "I should mention the characters canon ages are higher then when I first made them because as I wrote the story any big age gaps were uncomfy"

I've heard multiple older fans of Vivziepop say that Addison was originally meant to be 14-15 years old, and I've heard that Gustav was originally meant to be in his 30s.

Addison was created 2010, She began shipping Gustav with Addison in 2011, and Zoophobia began in 2012. So the fact she shipped a 14-15 year old character with a 30 year old one to begin with, and encouraged her friend to draw intense NSFW art of them together is so.. weird.

Anyways, Vivzie also hints at Addison being a minor, using wording indicating how young they are in age in their Blogpost introducing the character

"I finally created a few concepts, but the one I have been toying with the most is a young character much like Gale. An albino boy, with an identical albino sister"

If you need more proof, Addison is also preyed on by Mirage, a character that SPECIFICALLY goes after minors... that's basically her main personality trait, that she's a p3d0. She goes after Addison because he's a young submissive boy and easy to manipulate.

Anyways, back on topic. I personally I don't see anything wrong with the age gap of 17 & 19, however I do think it's weird to have this relationship between Addison and Gustav.. he's not exactly a teacher, but he still holds power over Addison due to the fact he's the voluntary teacher's assistant. Back when Zoophobia was popular there were people who found this dynamic weird & creepy considering the fact that Addison is basically a student under Gustav. Also, I just wanna bring this up because I find this weird, Gustav was originally under the impression that Addison was a year one student and much younger than he actually is, yet he still tried to flirt with him.. erm..? Yeah..

Anyways, that isn't the main point. The point is that Vivzie DREW NSFW OF HER 17 YEAR OLD CHARACTER AND HIS 19 YEAR OLD TEACHER... erm.. holy cracker balls? Literally how can anyone excuse these?

Vivzie also drew Gore of Addison too, but I won't post it here cus it's very graphic and weird and idk why she drew it!!

And .. possibly the worst drawing of them all.. Holy titties what is this... If you're wondering, the stuff under the censors is ACTUAL NSFW. It's not suggestive, or implied s3x, It's their ACTUAL WEE WEEs.

These accounts are poorly archived, so it's hard to find the original post and what it originally said. However after some digging I was able to find out the original text said

“ dollcreep: “ i can only see ‘dark-Günter’ exposing him and addi to a public area like so…so. yeah. Günter says; merry Christmas. god this question is super old. vivz reminded me about it"

So, I'm assuming that Dollcreep drew this, not Vivzie. However I was also able to find out from the limited resources there is that Vivzie reposted this to her accounts Vivzie-zp (unarchived) and ZPanswers, which are also now deleted, but if you view the accounts tumblr archives over the Wayback machine you can see that she did indeed repost this. http://web.archive.org/web/20120801182958/http://zpanswers.tumblr.com/archive

If you don't know, Dollcreep and Vivzie used to be best friends, however aren't anymore. Dollcreep originally designed Gustav, originally named Gunter, and Vivzie bought the design from them. Vivzie designed Addison back around 2010, and taking into account the old caption, this means that Vivzie.. allowed Dollcreep to draw NSFW art of their underaged character ;-; oh my gawd!!! Whatthe heck guys... like I said at this time Addison was still 14 - 15 and Gustav (Gunter) was in his 30s.

Also I want to mention that this drawing was from 2011, so that means Vivzie had this pedophilic ship with Dollcreeps OC for years, & after she bought the rights to the character she decided to.. keep the pedophilic ship and write it into Zoophobia by making him Addisons teacher. That's crazy..?

Anyways, because I brought up Mirage. Mirage is written pretty bad. She was a character meant to be in.. or scrapped from Zoophobia, she was meant to be a villain who preyed on the kids, mainly Addison. Her main trait is that she likes kids

Vivzie's made a bunch of drawings of Mirage preying on kids which I think is pretty weird, especially considering how poorly some of them represent it and make it seem like a joke instead.

and yeah, we all know about this infamous drawing she made of Mirage preying on Kestrel, a 14 year old. Pretty weird

Also when I looked at the web archive of Vivzie's ZPanswers blog (a Zoophobia ask blog) she accepted many weird asks about Kestrel, 14, and Addison, 17, like an ask asking if Kestrel had ever been fucked by a horse & how Kestrel, Addison & others would act when they were drunk. Which is also pretty weird to me I won't lie

Anyways that's all for now. Sorry if this is all over the place its 4am and I just wanted to get my thoughts out that vivziepop is kinda a weirdo

#vivziepop #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #vivzie #zoophobia

[fried-eggs152]

As much as anyone likes drama between the intimidating brothers, phineas Flynn and ferb fletcher. Let’s step back and think of Baljeet tjinder. High intelligence, and a horrible habit of overworking himself.

Baljeet was well known of phineas and ferbs reputation of fun and new adventures each day. Alongside the other two, Buford and Isabella. He was also tagging behind with their adventures.

Making sure nothing could go possibly wrong in each one just as ferb does. Sometimes though his calculation’s are not accurate from his lack of sleep. Not as accurate as ferb anways. Baljeet found himself jealous of the brother’s higher intelligence. The intelligence he worked so hard for. But it never stopped their friendship or adventure.

“What is it you wanted to tell us?” Baljeet pops the question, as the three Isabella, ferb, and himself stood in the backyard “it’s still cold can we not we do this inside?” He asks. Looking up at the forever night sky. “It wouldn’t have been any better with dad and mom in there” phineas said. He always seemed so skittish to be with his friends when his guardians were here. Baljeet nodding in defeat crossed his arms “so what’s this news that you called us..” he checks his watch “at 10 AM” he said. The sky threw him off, ever since the sun seemed to dim for an unknown reason. “Uh..yeah me and Buford has some hopefully good news!” Phineas exclaimed, he fidgeted with his hands “me and him are a thing..” he mumbled. Quietly. “What??” Baljeet leans in a little to hear phineas speak, “WE’RE LIKE GAY CATS” Buford yelled instead to spite Baljeet. “Gay cats-??” Phineas faces Buford confused “what do you mean gay cats??” Phineas asks again. Buford picked up phineas in one easy swoop “Buford!!” Phineas exclaimed still fixated why they were cats. Buford kissed phineas’s cheek “why we’re cats?” He asks as phineas crossed his arms. Embarrassed. For a good reason too “yeah..” he mumbled, “you’re chaos. An orange cat, I’m a black cat” he said. And everyone knew that was their dynamic.

“Congratulations you two!!” Isabella said enthusiastically, in awe of the relationship as she clapped her hands together, hair swaying left and right “when did you finally confess?” She asks Buford, causing him to now wanting to die. “A week ago..” he muttered. “Hah! Good for you guys” she said happily.

Ferb just simply patted phineas and Buford’s shoulders.

As Baljeet watched, heartbroken.

Liking someone who’s been by your side for years surely takes a tow on you. Especially when they’re your bully.

I tried but I am actually so tired.

It took me a little too long to make this design anyways maybe the next one will be Buford’s design. Or ferbs

Merry Christmas

Part 1 part 2 Part 3

#phineas and ferb #pnf #phineas flynn #pnf phineas #pnf fanart #pnf ferb #ferb fletcher #baljeet tjinder #pnf baljeet #buford x phineas #pnf buford #buford van stomm #pnf isabella #isabella #isabella garcia shapiro #au

[alwayschasingrainbows]

Tangled Web Readalong

Chapter 1.2.

Aunt Becky, in my opinion, is written in a mocking way, as a caricature of all those nosy relatives that each one of us has in our environment. She is a typical aunt who, when there is an awkward silence at the Christmas table, will immediately seize the opportunity to stab the person sitting next to her, asking countless questions and expecting detailed answers. We, the readers, laugh at Aunt Becky's sarcastic retorts, but let's face the truth: each one of us has probably felt insecure in the company of a similar person at one time or another.

Maud's writing genius is best demonstrated while describing family scenes; she had a unique sense of humor and a sense of observation. Aunt Becky's party doesn't seem very pleasant: everyone falls victim to the sarcastic remarks of the head of the family; but everyone shows up anyway, each time.

I think almost everyone was intrigued by Aunt Becky's personality; she is undoubtedly one of the most interesting older women characters that Maud has created. I really liked her jokes and recalling family stories. A huge plus for the scene of applying rouge on the cheeks:

"It's no more than decent at your age," protested Ambrosine.

"Decency's a dull dog," retorted Aunt Becky. "I parted company with it long ago."

Then, Aunt Becky's reaction to Nan's makeup:

"Go upstairs and wash that stuff off your lips and cheeks," she said. "I won't have any painted snips around here."

It's a bit like Aunt Becky saying, "I'm eighty-five, so I'm allowed." Of course, this is pure hypocrisy, but it must be admitted that it is very funny one.

Speaking of Nan, her way of dressing should have resembled Ilse Burnley's, but it doesn't, not in the slightest. I have a feeling that Nan dresses to impress others, while Ilse dresses only for herself.

Nan's mother reminds me so much of one od Valancy Stirling's relatives: "Aunt Alberta, enormously fat, with an amiable habit of always referring to her husband as “he,” as if he were the only male creature in the world, who could never forget that she had been a great beauty in her youth" (Blue Castle),

vs:

"She was an enormously fat woman, with a rather deplorable penchant for wearing bright colours and over-rich materials, who had been very slim and beautiful in a youth." (Tangled Web).

Characters that caught my attention (and the quotes, describing them) are

Peter Penhallow

We know from chapter 1.1. that "had it not been for the jug, Peter Penhallow might to-day have been photographing lions alone in African jungles" (how delightful and wild!!!!).

In chapter 1.2. we find out that Peter is a free spirit and a nature lover: "Peter is here," said his sister Nancy Dark eagerly. "He's out on the veranda. You know Peter hates to be cooped up in a room. He's so accustomed to--to--"

"The great open spaces of God's outdoors," murmured Aunt Becky ironically."

Maybe it is me overthinking, but I can easily spot some resemblance to Barney Snaith; both men prefer open space and life wildness, surrounded by beautiful, untamed nature. They both seem to abandon accepted conventions and norms. Both of them do not fit into the quiet society of a small town, but seek experiences that other people cannot understand.

Gay Penhallow

She has some of Rilla's innocence and romantism in her! Gay seems as such a radiant, cheerful girl, who brings beauty and laughter everywhere she goes (very similar to pre-war Rilla). She resembles young Nan Blythe, too: Blythe by name, Blythe by nature. If Google is right, their names somehow match, too:

The name "Blythe" is both a boy's name and a girl's name of English origin meaning "happy, carefree".

The name "Gay"'s meaning: cheerful, joyful, merry".

Margaret Penhallow:

She just seems so sweet and kind: "her thin, sensitive face flushing pitifully and her peculiarly large, soft, grey-blue eyes filling with tears, went blindly to the first vacant chair."

Her description: soft, big eyes filling with tears, sensitive face reminds me a little about Aunt Laura from Emily of New Moon: kind, sweet, good-natured, but also rather weak and easily-bossed.

"Perhaps Margaret still wrote poems. A little shell-covered box in her trunk might know something about that. But the public press knew them no more, much to the clan's thankfulness."

Penny Dark:

"What's the matter with you, Penny? You're not as good-looking as you generally believe you are."

"He was a fat, tubby little fellow, with a curly grey beard and none-too-plentiful curly hair. As usual, he was as well-groomed as a cat. He still considered himself a gay young wag, and felt that nothing but the jug could have lured him into a public appearance under the circumstances."

He is exactly how I imagine Emily's cousin - Andrew Murray, or Emily's almost fiancée - Aylmer Vincent might look and act like, 30 years post series.

Moon Man (described in a separate post).

Uncle Pippin:

"Uncle Pippin shifted his wad of gum to the other side of his mouth and manufactured a cheerful lie instantly for the credit of the clan."

Chef's kiss!

#lm montgomery #tangled web #tangled web book club #blue castle #emily of new moon

[scmg11]

KATE BISHOP x READER

THE WORLD’S GREATEST ARCHER (PART 4)

A/N: HELLOO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!! First of all MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

How are you guys?!

Anyway, I know last chapter was pretty intense and so full of words, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Here is part 4 of The World's Greatest Archer!

Enjoy ❤️.

Sending so much love to each one of you to wherever you are ❤️.

-

Summary: Y/N and Kate have dinner with Eleanor and Jack. Then Y/N has to save Kate's and Clint's ass from the tracksuits.

Warnings: none.

Word count: 8736 words.

-

"Y/N drop it. I’m not gonna show my Hawkeye gadgets collection to you."

"Oh c’mon! I need anything I can gather to mock him!" Y/N pressed after they exited the subway, patting the archer’s arm pleadingly.

"No, because I know what you’re trying to do."

"Enlighten me then. What am I trying to do?" Y/N smirked mischievously as Kate rolled her eyes and pushed on the girl’s shoulder softly, making her falter a bit in her steps.

"You want to come into my room to see your poster." Kate started with an accusatory tone, a small lilt of fond exasperation also clear in her voice, as she stared Y/N down and watched as she put a clearly fake innocent face on with a big, bright smile adorning her beautiful features. They fell back into step, walking side by side, their arms brushing softly from time to time, and both shivered when the slightest of touches of their hands between their bodies triggered hard goosebumps down their spines and made electricity invade every cell of their bodies deliciously, also warming them up just a bit from the cold of the night as snow fell down the streets, in front of them, on their heads and settling on their hair softly, wrapping the city in a wonderfully, fairy white blanket. They thanked the cold so they could cover their blushes up on their cheeks and pretend it was due to the cold wind hitting their skin, when in fact it was their gay panic transforming them in blushing, flushing messes as they couldn’t even function properly with just a small brush of a hand on their own, "I’m not gonna show it to you. It’s embarrassing now that I actually know you."

"I don’t think it’s embarrassing Kate! Me falling on my ass right in front of my date during my first date ever is embarrassing. My mom talking freely about her sex life with me to mess up with me is extremely embarrassing. Walking in on Hulk after taking a bath and seeing him naked is embarrassing, especially when you had to fight alongside him. I can keep listing all the things that are embarrassing but you having a giant poster of me in you room is not embarrassing. It’s everything but embarrassing. It’s cute, adorable, pretty badass."

"Did you really see the Hulk naked?" Kate asked with wide eyes and shivered alongside Y/N after she nodded at her in affirmation, "okay, you made some pretty solid points, but it’s still embarrassing to me. Besides, we would be really lucky if my mom will let us go to the bathroom, let alone let us chill in my bedroom. She will be in her investigator, protective mom mood tonight."

"It’s understandable. She wants to know you’re safe. I will assure her that as long as you are with me, you will be safe." Y/N stated resolutely as she met Kate’s eyes and smiled at her, the young archer reciprocating it right after and bumped their shoulders together in appreciation.

"Okay, remember, do not meet her eyes when she scrutinizes you, she will read your mind and discover all your secrets in a second." Kate stated seriously after they entered her mom’s building and waited patiently for the elevator to arrive.

"Well that’s impressive, especially since I can read minds too. Does your mom’s eyes glow like mine?" Y/N joked in a light tone and watched as Kate pressed the button for the penthouse floor with a snort.

"Only when she’s angry. That’s not a good sight to witness." Kate cracked a joke herself and felt pride swell in her chest at the cute giggle the Y/E/C girl emitted right after.

"Let me guess, you witnessed it too many times to count."

"Yeah, I like to get on her nerves." Kate admitted with a mix of pride and shyness right before the elevator’s doors opened, "after you."

"Such a gentlewoman." Y/N joked some more to cover up the light blush on her cheeks as her stomach flipped over itself at the chivalrous gesture, doing it again when Kate took her coat from her and hung it on the coat-rack.

"Hey mom."

"Honey, come here." Y/N watched with fondness swimming into her Y/E/C eyes as the two hugged and felt a tight grip around her heart thinking about how much she missed her mom. "Y/N."

"Hi, miss B-" Y/N started but she stopped herself mid-sentence when Eleanor stared at her pointedly, "Eleanor." They shared a quick hug before pulling away gently.

"Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes or so. Why don’t you go chill a bit in your room? Oh and don’t forget to show her around." Y/N tried with all her might to keep her wide grin at bay and prevent it to broaden as she looked at Eleanor smiling at them both genuinely before throwing a small glance in Kate’s direction, who was flushing furiously beside them.

"If Kate is up to it, I would love that."

Kate rolled her eyes at the girl stressing the word ‘love’ but sighed in relief when her mom didn’t pick it up and looked at her in a mix of reprimand and expectation, "follow me then Y/N!"

"Great! I’ll call you when dinner is ready!"

"Okay mom, thank you!" Kate yelled over her shoulder as she pushed Y/N up the stairs and smiled widely at her before turning around and heard the girl chuckle under her breath, "do not say a word when we’ll get to my room. Or I’m shutting you up with a punch."

Kate’s stomach exploded into millions of butterflies at Y/N’s giggles increasing in volume and had to retrieve her hand away from her lower back to stop herself from caressing it affectionately, "not even to comment how cute it is that you have me on your wall?"

"Y/N, I’m seriously thinking about skipping my room in this house tour."

"Oh please no! For all I care, despite this huge house is amazing, I only want to see your bedroom." Kate groaned in fond frustration and exasperation and quickly showed Y/N around, smiling widely at the awe expression never leaving Y/N’s features before sighing out loud in anticipation when they arrived outside the last room of the house Kate needed to show to Y/N.

"Not. A. Word." Kate gritted out before moving to the side and inviting Y/N into the room, who had a shit eating grin on her features instead.

"You worry too much Bi-holy shit!" Y/N stopped mid-sentence to exclaim with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open when her eyes immediately fell on the poster in the room.

"Hey! I told you to not say anything!" Kate whined childishly as she stomped her feet on the ground with a big pout in her lips and her arms crossed under her chest.

"Well excuse me, it was well due that exclamation!" Y/N smiled brightly as her eyes stayed fixated on the poster, hearing Kate sigh some more as she closed the door, the faint click of the door closing filling the silence in the room, before she approached her and stopped right beside her, bumping their shoulders together purposefully. "This is huge."

"Can you focus on anything else please?"

"Oh like that picture of Clint you have on that cork board?" Y/N countered back as she took her eyes off the poster and met Kate’s eyes with a big, smug smirk.

Kate groaned out loud and hid her flushing face into her hands, "I hate you." The archer’s voice came out muffled but still intelligible enough for Y/N, who laughed heartily at the cute and adorable reaction.

"Don’t worry." Y/N spoke up after her giggles subsided and patted the archer’s back softly, making her remove her hands from her face and met her intoxicating blue eyes with a reassuring grin, "your secret is safe with me."

"I don’t even know what’s more embarrassing now."

"Like I said before, it’s not embarrassing. Maybe that Clint picture can be a bit shocking, but this poster it’s so fucking cool!"

"You’re just saying this because you are in it." Kate rolled her eyes in fond annoyance and exasperation and pushed on Y/N’s shoulder gently.

"No, I’m not, I swear! I didn’t know I looked that good while sweaty and wore out."

"You are always looking good." Kate widened her eyes and clamped her mouth shut with her hands after that, something that made Y/N cackle up in amusement, "shit, I said it out loud, didn’t I?"

"Yep." Y/N affirmed with a wide smile, trying to act cool while her insides pretty much exploded at the admission, as she stressed the ‘o’ and watched in delight as an hard blush appeared on the archer’s face and it made her smile to widen ten sizes, "thanks. You also always look amazing Kate."

Y/N watched as Kate’s red hue deepened instantly at her truthful words spoken with a soft tone and walked closer to her, "why is it hot all of a sudden? Do you feel hot too? Should I put the air conditioning on?" Kate rattled off quickly as she fanned her scorching red face while adamantly avoiding the girl’s gaze she was trying to make Kate to meet.

"No Kate. Calm down, you are starting to resemble a tomato." Y/N gingerly put her hand on Kate’s back and caressed it gently, feeling the archer’s muscles stiffening under her touch, but also noticing how defined they were but restrained herself to let her hand wander around to feel them thoroughly, before they relaxed at her small, comforting circles. "Okay, that’s good." Y/N commented as she noticed the red blush was starting to subside and decided to give some mercy to the black haired beauty by changing their conversation subject, "can we talk about that cute little bow?"

Kate’s face erupted in a wide grin at the question and her eyes instantly fell on that aforementioned item hung on the wall, "it was my first bow. My mom wasn’t so happy to buy it and she wasn’t sure it was a good, safe and appropriate sport for a little girl but she quickly changed her mind when I started winning trophies and medals, understanding I was born to do that." Y/N smiled warmly at the archer and went to open her mouth to reply to Kate’s story but she was stopped in her tracks by a soft, faint knock on the door, "come in!"

A second later the door opened and Eleanor’s face appeared with a big smile, "dinner’s ready girls!"

-

It was a surprisingly quite and comfortable dinner. Both girls were expecting Eleanor to ask a lot of questions but she just tried to know Y/N better with questions about herself, not getting too much deeper into her personal life. "So Y/N, any significant other in your life?"

"Mom!"

"What? It’s just a simple question." Kate rolled her eyes at her mother’s innocent comeback and watched as she took a sip of her wine with her eyes fixated on Y/N, who was totally unaffected by the question.

"No, I dated a few people but those were just flings. I had been too busy to actually date someone, with y’know the blip and the whole fighting Thanos thing." Y/N explained calmly as she sipped gingerly at her water before placing it back on the table.

"Oh yeah!" Kate interjected with bright eyes and turned towards Y/N excitedly.

"Thank you by the way." Jack butted in with a grateful smile and lifted his glass up to Y/N, who smiled politely at him and nodded softly.

"Don’t mention it." Y/N continued to smile at the man before settling her eyes on Eleanor once again and broadened her grin as she leaned her clasped hands on the table and kept going, "so yeah, I had been distracted by few things to consider getting myself into the dating area seriously."

"But it must be a little lonely, isn’t it?" Eleanor sported a sad expression, a gesture that screamed ‘motherly’ all over and dusted a sense of longing into her chest. She missed her mom like crazy.

"Okay mom, enough. Let’s change the subject, can we? Jack the dinner was wonderful."

Y/N turned her head gently towards Kate and lifted imperceptibly her eyebrow at her after hearing her totally too sweet tone and tried to understand where she was going with this but the archer kept staring at Jack head on, "thank you darling. The secret for a good risotto is to agitate with love."

"Wow, you cook, you are rich, you care for my mom. You are almost too good to be true." Kate smiled brightly at the man, a small bite hiding behind her tone that only Y/N could detect but she kept a poker face on and listened silently and intently to the conversation. "So what’s with all these swords, you fence?"

"I dabble."

"So why don’t we take out one of these babies and we have some fun?"

"Well-"

Jack was stopped mid-sentence by Eleanor who shook her head in determination, "no, please no. We had enough drama this past week. I want to enjoy a normal, quiet dinner."

"Perhaps your mother’s right." Jack smiled wistfully at Kate as she patted Eleanor’s hand gently with a loving grin.

"Oh c’mon, why not?" Y/N wanted to laugh at the girl’s stubbornness, but she was also intrigued as to why she was so adamant to fence with Jack.

"I’m convinced."

"Oh please, she only said ‘why not?’. That’s not a valid argument. It’s not even an argument." Eleanor shook her head in disappointment at her fiancée when he just smiled guiltily at her.

"And yet." Kate smiled when Jack excused to take his equipment and met her mother’s unamused gaze, "c’mon, it could be fun."

They all sat up from the table when Jack returned and gave Kate her equipment before helping him in moving the table out of the way, "she can be so stubborn sometimes."

"Yeah, but I prefer the term eager." Y/N joked with a giggle and watched as Kate finished suiting up and waited for Jack to get in position.

"Honey, be careful." Eleanor said as she crossed her arms and leaned her back on the wall with Y/N leaning on her shoulder on the doorstep of the living room with her crossed arms.

"When am I not careful, mom?" Y/N chastised herself for finding Kate slipping the protective mask on with just an imperceptible tilt of her head and smiled in amusement instead when she heard Eleanor’s witty comeback.

"I was actually talking to Jack."

Y/N watched mesmerized at how good Kate actually was, her body moving gracefully with precise jabs, "stop letting me win Jack!" That made Y/N furrow her eyebrows at that, detecting a clear lie into Jack’s tone when he affirmed the opposite.

"Kate!" Y/N gasped in shock and got ready to stop her friend with her magic as her hands surged forward in position and her eyes glowed blue when Kate lunged forward with her sword and almost hit Jack in the face, but the man was quicker than her and parried perfectly, making Kate’s sword fall off her hand and roll onto the floor. "You could’ve hurt him!" Eleanor’s tone was full of anger, reprimand and shock as she stared at her daughter with eyes wide with disappoint.

"No, I knew he would parried my jab. I wanted to prove he is lying, which I successfully did." Kate took her hat off hastily and stared Jack down, who was acting too casual and laid back for Y/N’s and Kate’s likings.

"I might’ve downplayed my skills and lied repeatedly about them." Jack stated nonchalantly and smiled at Eleanor, "I’m gonna go change."

"You are unbelievable." Eleanor pointed her forefinger at her daughter before walking into the living room while shaking her head disapprovingly.

"I was just trying to prove to you Jack is a bit suspicious." Kate started as she pulled the zipper of the uniform down and hastily took it off of her, letting her black t-shirt show her amazing arms and deciding to neglect her blazer for now since she was too hot from the argument unfolding with her mom to dress herself back at the moment. Y/N had a serious hard time in not ogling at the wonderful sight that was Kate in a simple black t-shirt and swallowed imperceptibly to get rid of the sudden dryness of her throat as she tried to focus and understand what Kate was telling to her mom about Jack, since the girl talked about her suspicions about him with her the night prior and she was right, everything was a bit dubious and he was extremely untrustworthy despite him trying to put up an innocent façade with too much excitement and eagerness about everything as he tried to appear perfect in front of everyone. But was he really perfect? That’s what they were trying to find out. Yeah, they. Y/N decided to help Kate investigate on her mom’s flawless and perfect fiancée. "He is too perfect! He is hiding something!"

"Oh don’t be ridiculous!" Eleanor waved Kate off as she sat on a small armchair while Y/N stayed closer to the archer as she placed forcefully the uniform on the couch’s cushions and walked towards her mother. Y/N stayed closer to the couch to assess the scene in front of her silently, "you are overreacting."

"Don’t you think it’s a bit suspicious that the same night his uncle threatens you, he is murdered by a sword. How many murders happens by a sword? Let me take a guess. Zero, mom." Kate sat on the small table and crossed her arms angrily as she clenched on her jaw, the gesture making the muscles there pop out and making her jaw more defined and that caused Y/N’s head to spin a bit.

"You are looking too much into things."

"It’s more than that! There are street gangs Molotov cocktails, and a ninja-"

"STREET GANGS?!"

"What is a Molotov cocktail- wait- are you old enough to drink?" Jack came back into the living room and went straight for the bottles full of alcohol to pour himself a drink, making a joke with a wide grin as he asked in worry with his forefinger sticking out from its grip on the glass in his hand to point at Kate suspiciously his question.

Y/N wanted to snort at the incredulous look Kate regarded Jack with before rolling her eyes at him, then focusing on her mom talking once again about her future in Bishop Security. "Now please, apologize to Jack."

Kate stared ahead of her for a few seconds before turning her head towards him with a mischievous and mocking grin on her lips, "I’m sorry Jack for pushing you to say the truth."

Jack laughed heartily at Kate and shook his head, rounding his arm around Eleanor’s waist as she made her way towards him while also a small chuckle left her lips, "she is a smart one, isn’t she?" Jack passed the glass in his hand to Eleanor, who thanked him with a grateful smile, before he got out of his embrace with Eleanor and walked towards Kate as he rummaged into his blazer’s pocket for something, "butterscotch?"

Y/N watched as Kate’s smug grin fell of her face and worry settled on her features as she stared at the sweet candy into Jack’s hands before making her way towards Y/N to retrieve her blazer and coat, putting them on quickly, "I- I have to go."

"Kate what’s wrong?"

"N-nothing. I just- I just remembered I need to take care of something for w-work."

"Kate I’m your boss, I’m sure I can let it slide."

"I’m sorry. I’m- I’m gonna call you later. Let’s go." Kate grabbed Y/N’s hand and pushed her out of the living room, Y/N having just enough time to say bye to the both of them as she got pulled away, stopping just to let her take her own coat before walking out of the penthouse, ignoring Eleanor’s gaze that followed them and their joined hands until the elevator’s doors closed, then Eleanor’s eyes focused on Jack who shook his head imperceptibly and shrugged unknowingly before popping the candy into his mouth and smiling sweetly at his fiancée.

"Kate what’s wrong? Why did we leave so fast?" Y/N asked in worry as she tried to keep up with Kate’s fast pace as she walked as far away as possible from the building, before stretching a hand up to call a cab.

"He offered me a butterscotch."

"Okay and?" Y/N asked confused as she opened the taxi’s door and let Kate in first before following her.

"It was a monogrammed butterscotch, his uncle’s Armand III’s butterscotch." Kate clarified as she typed away on her phone.

"Oh shit." Y/N exclaimed with widened eyes and bit down on her bottom lip as she stressed over the situation in her head, "are you sure?"

"Yeah, I saw them when I sneaked into Armand’s house the night I met you. I’m 100% sure." Kate huffed out at something on her phone before meeting Y/N’s eyes, making the girl believe what she was saying and what she was thinking about Jack, her suspicions starting to become really solid, to strengthen and to cement more and more each passing day their worries about Jack.

"Okay, fuck this is a lot."

"I’m trying to contact Clint but he is playing hard to get and he is not answering me. I’m gonna call him." Kate called Clint and put the phone on speaker, huffing in frustration when it stopped a few seconds later. "Should I try again?" Kate asked rhetorically, meeting Y/N’s eyes for a second before clicking on Clint’s name and called him again, smiling when this time she heard him pick up the phone, "y’know sometimes calling again isn’t the best option but it wor-"

"I’m sorry. Clint Barton can’t come to the phone right now."

Kate stared wide eyed in shock at a just as much astounded Y/N at the unknown voice and both looked down at the phone in the young archer’s hand when the stranger hung up the phone, "who the hell was that?"

"I don’t know, let me track Clint’s phone." Kate answered absentmindedly at Y/N’s question as she was already working on locating Clint’s phone, "yes!" She exclaimed in victory when she got the exact position and showed the screen to Y/N, "sir, I need you to speed up please."

-

"Okay Kate, we’re gonna split up so we can cover the entire perimeter quickly. When we’re done we’ll meet here again."

"Yeah, okay." Kate nodded in understanding as she secured the quiver behind her back while adjusting her bow in her hand.

"We’re just checking out for threats or if there are guards outside. We’re not attacking. Not yet at least." Y/N stated and punctuated slowly each word to make Kate understand to lay low for now. "We’ll meet here again in 3 minutes."

"Noted." Kate nodded once again, Y/N not noticing the absentminded tone she used while her eyes focused all around them. "I’ll see you in a bit."

"See you in a bit." Y/N smiled at her and went to turn around to cover the side of the building’s perimeter she needed to cover but Kate’s voice stopped her and made her turn back around to face her.

"If I see a possible threat, what do I do?"

"Just knock them out. As quietly as possible."

"Okay, yeah!"

Y/N snorted at Kate’s enthusiasm and watched her turn around before doing the same and getting to work. Thankfully the area was clear, no one was outside, so she assumed all the tracksuits were inside the building. They weren’t exactly the smartest gangs she faced but they knew how to be dangerous and someone could get hurt easily when they were around, especially if their boss was involved directly, so she was extremely cautious to not be heard from them because it would get Fisk’s attention if it got to him that two Avengers were snooping around in his business. She sighed in relief when she didn’t hear any sound that could mean Kate encountered a tracksuit and had to knock him out and walked back to their designated spot. "Kate, where are you?" Y/N asked in a hushed tone as she controlled her watch and noticed she had been waiting for Kate to come back to where she told her to for about 5 minutes now. A few seconds later the sound of a glass breaking caught her attention and made her move her head up to the roof as her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "what the-?" Y/N’s eyes immediately became blue as she used her magic to fly on the roof and assess what the hell just happened only for her mouth to slack open when she noticed the window’s glass that was right in the middle of the roof had a big whole in it, an human size whole, and Y/N face slapped herself when realization hit her. "Kate, what did you do?" Y/N murmured under her breath and sighed when she leaned over a bit on the window’s broken glass, being careful in not being caught by the tracksuits, to assess that in fact Kate fell from the roof right in front of Clint sat on a chair - she smiled a bit when she noticed he had a rope in his hands, meaning he already got his hands out of the rope tied around his wrists - and that now they were surrounded by at least 10 tracksuits all pointing a gun at them.

"Oh wow." Kate exclaimed as she recovered from the impact and looked around the room with wide, incredulous eyes, something that made Y/N snort under her breath as she tried to listed to the conversation below, coming up to her a bit muffled but she could still clearly detect what they were saying. "I-I didn’t realize we were supposed to bring guns." Kate laughed softly under her breath before rolling her shoulder a bit, "ow."

"Oh Kate, you should’ve listened to me!" Y/N exclaimed under her breath as she tried to come up with a plan to let them escape without getting them hurt. "I can’t just land there and knock everyone unconscious. I don’t know how many people are there. They are heavily armed. Okay Y/N think." Y/N talked under her breath as she paced back and forth on the roof, "great, they’re tying Kate and Clint to a kiddie ride." Y/N lifted her hands up in frustration before bringing them to her face to cover it a few seconds then moved her fingers up and massaged her temples. "Think Y/N. Think. Find the best solu-" Y/N stopped herself in her tracks and trailed off when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and lifted it up to see who was calling. Panic rose into her chest when she read the called ID and willed her voice to sound casual when she answered the call, "hey mom."

Y/N slapped herself on her forehead at the squeaky, definitely not casual and chill voice she used, her tone shrill and showing she was panicking, "hey honey, how are you?"

"Oh I’m good, yeah. Yeah. You? How are you doing? What’s up?" Y/N whined internally at her pathetic self for not acting normal during a stupid phone call with her mother and pleaded herself to get a fucking grip on herself. She hated lying to her mom and she knew her mother would know the truth nonetheless she was chill or not.

"I’m good. Everything okay? You seem stressed."

"What? Pfft! No, everything’s f-fine! Y’know just spending time with Clint, you know how much I enjoy making fun of him. Oh I’m also spending time with Kate, the girl we saved from some troubles she put herself into. She is so funny and sweet! You should meet her, maybe you can visit soon so you can meet her properly and-"

"Y/N! Slow down sweety." Wanda stopped Y/N from word-vomiting some more and let a small, knowing smirk appear on her features at her daughter’s behavior, "what trouble did you and Clint find yourself in now?"

"Ugh, I hate that you know me so well and know how to read through my voice." Y/N grunted as her mother laughed heartily and chanced another look at her friends now riding on their rides as sun started to rise in the early morning sky. "I can’t really talk right now, I need to find a way to pull Kate and Clint away from our threats."

"Who are you against to?"

"Kingpin and tracksuits."

"Oh shit, how bad it is?" Wanda asked in worry as she bit down on her bottom lip, a small smile tugging at her lips at Y/N and Clint always finding themselves in these kind of situations when they were together.

"They are currently tied on kiddie rides while tracksuits makes fun of them." Y/N explained with a loud exhale at the end of her sentence, rubbing her temple harder to try to find a good plan of action, but her mother’s laugh made her stop pacing.

"Oh my god, can you please record it? I want to blackmail him with that!"

"Mom!"

"What? I’m sure it’s a funny sight and I want to enjoy it too!"

"Unbelievable." Y/N snorted under her breath as she shook her head at her mother’s antics, hearing her continuing laughing her ass off as she probably was trying to picture the scene in her head. "I’m trying to save their ass by squeezing my brain while you want me to record him ride a pony."

"Is he riding a pony?! Oh you have to absolutely record it now!"

"Mom!" Y/N laughed heartily at her mother’s Wanda’s sentence and she had to cover her mouth with her free hand not holding her phone to her mouth to prevent the tracksuits to hear her loud voice and small chuckles and make her cover blow up and pretty much giving away, communicate and tell them her actual position on the roof. She tried to regain her composure as she giggled some more alongside her mother, who was clearly having too much fun with Clint riding a pony, but she was also feeling a care-free warmth invade her chest at how genuine and happy her mother seemed to be right now, something that was lacking a lot these days, not after what they did in Westview. "Stop laughing! I need to focus, this is serious. I need to find a plan to help them out without having about 40 tracksuits shooting at us."

"Do you need help? I can help you from here if you tell me about your whereabouts, how the building is organized, what are your access points, your exits and so on."

So Y/N started to explain everything to her mother who listened intently and spoke up only a few times, helping Y/N come up with a pretty solid plan of action. "Okay, I’ll call you later. I love you."

"I love you sweety, please be careful and tell Clint we need to talk. Oh and don’t forget to record him, just a short video, for me! Thank you hun! Good luck with mission ‘save Kate’s and Clint’s ass’! Bye, love you!"

"Love you mum." Y/N hung up her phone and, as she promised her, recorded a short video for her mother, laughing under her breath at the clear distress, anger and annoyance on Clint’s features before stopping the video. She almost dropped her phone and made it fall right in front of the tracksuits from the hole in the window when her eyes settled on Kate, riding a spaceship, her body rocking softly to the kiddie ride’s rhythm as her face stayed neutral with a sprinkle of irritation on her features. She had to literally detach her eyes from that mesmerizing and extremely hot sight, pulled her mind out of the gutter and spurred into action, using her magic to stop the kiddie rides and watched as the tracksuits got quickly bored and started minding their own business. She got ready to teleport right beside Kate and Clint to help them out when someone else entered the room, making her stop in her tracks. "Shit, it wasn’t in the plan another one of them!" Y/N furrowed her brows when she watched the girl free Clint’s hand but tied him up again when she understood he wasn’t exactly the best at using sign language, "oh shit! Kate!" Y/N whispered under breath in alarm when she saw the girl wrap her arms around Kate’s neck and tried to strangle her, but a curly, black haired man beside her stopped her. "Okay, I can’t exactly appear out of nowhere now, but I can always free them from- okay nevermind, Clint just freed himself." Y/N rolled her eyes in fond exasperation and sighed aloud, "show off! Well it seems I just need to free Kate’s hands, oh no, playboy is keeping an eye on her. I can’t use my magic, he will see it and he could shoot at her. That’s not happening." Just as she was about to at least melt the gun in his hand with her magic, an arrow flew in the air, scratched the boy’s ear, making him distract from Kate as he hissed in pain, before landing between Kate’s hands and on the tape to rip it off and free Kate’s hands and wrists. "Oh fuck it. To hell the plan, I’ll improvise." Y/N lowered down from the window and fell right between the fight taking place in that moment, immediately knocking a thug out when he tried to charge towards Kate. "Hey Bishop!"

"Y/N!"

"What happened to ‘let’s lay low and check the perimeter’?" Y/N asked in amusement with a smug grin, watching gleefully at the sheepish blush appearing on Kate’s face, making her even more beautiful as her face contorted in apology.

"I’m sorry, I saw an opportunity and I wanted to help Clint."

"Don’t worry, the most important thing is that you’re safe. Both of you. Watch out!" Y/N pointed behind Kate and quickly lifted the tracksuit charging towards her with a mist of blue and threw him on the other side of the room, slamming it into a wall.

"Behind you!" Kate threw a chair over Y/N’s head when she crouched down and hit a tracksuit on his face making him fall on the ground, unconscious.

"Thanks!" Y/N smiled at Kate in gratitude and watched as a big smile unfolded on her beautiful face while nodding at her in acknowledgement. "Nice shot. You did a good throw."

"Thanks! It’s all in the tricep and wrist y’know?!" Kate explained as she pointed with her hand at her arm, "but the bicep also does its good work. I mean, it’s the reason why I workout so-"

"Hey! On your left!"

"Oh shit, hold on!" Kate rounded her whole body around and kicked a tracksuit right in his face, making him fall on the ground while Y/N took care of two others trying to shoot them with their guns, making the guns disappear from their hands before lifting them off the ground and smashing them together face to face.

"What’s up with me and all these Steve’s quotes?" Y/N asked absentmindedly as she assessed the room for other possible threats coming towards them while Kate snorted under her breath at her sentence as she punched particularly hard another tracksuit’s face, right on his nose. They both grimaced when they heard a loud cracking sound as they saw the man fall on the ground with a shriek of pain.

"See? Biceps do a great work too!" Kate exclaimed after she lifted a tracksuit off his feel and slammed him on the ground forcefully.

"Here he is!"

"My hearing aid is broken, we need to go."

"Hold on." Kate stopped them in their tracks, making Y/N stop Clint from moving since he couldn’t hear at the moment, and she run towards the guy who was pointing a gun at her while she was still tied on that kiddie ride and slid on the ground before grasping the pillar and making her whole body round around it before hitting the guy’s legs and making him fall on the ground hard, making Y/N believe she had never seen something so cool and so hot in her life. "We can go now."

-

"Admit it grandpa, you like to show off!" Y/N smirked around the edge of her cup as she made fun of Clint after his show of jumping off the bridge and stuck them on the side of a train passing by under the bridge. They returned to Y/N’s apartment to rest a bit after their sleepless night before deciding to investigate more on Jack. The whole situation being too sketchy to not look into it.

"Look who’s talking. You are like your mother, always showing off your hands and their movements. We get it, you two are good with your fingers!" Clint exclaimed in fond exasperation before taking a big sip of his coffee and leaned his head on his arm on the table. Y/N wanted to snort at the unintentional innuendo and was ready to speak out a witty remark, but she stopped in her tracks to gulp the lump that formed in her sudden dry throat when she saw with the corner of her eyes Kate, sat beside her at her kitchen table, fidget on her spot as she cleared her throat after chocking on her coffee’s sip then biting down on her bottom lip gently.

"Let’s all take a well needed nap. Clint the guest room is all yours."

"Thank you." Clint lifted his head up from his arm and smiled in appreciation at Y/N before sitting up slowly with a few grunts and limped slightly towards the guest room.

"Kate you can take my bed. I’ll tidy the kitchen up and then I have to call my mom. She had been spamming my phone asking for the video of Clint riding a pony." Y/N giggled under her breath and felt her heart explode in her ribcage when she heard a small chuckle from beside her.

"I want that too, please!" Kate spoke up before pouting at Y/N and smiling triumphantly when a ding echoed around the kitchen, "thank you! And are you kidding? I’m staying on the couch. Go take some rest too."

"No, you are taking my room. End of discussion."

"I’m not moving till you go to sleep on your bed." Kate countered back and stared Y/N down determinedly, making Y/N almost get lost in her beautiful ocean blue irises as her brain turned into mush.

"Then I guess we’re staying here then." Y/N crossed her arms and lifted her right eyebrow up in challenge.

"How about a compromise? We share your bed or your couch. Whatever works with you."

"Okay! Let me just tell my mom I’ll call her later, she wanted to know if we got home safe."

They tidied up the kitchen and made a beeline towards Y/N’s room and Y/N’s bed, sprawling on it unceremoniously as the fatigue of the night caught up with them. "I don’t bite Y/N." Kate giggled when she noticed Y/N moved towards the far end of the bed, almost too close to the edge of the bed to fall off of it, "you’re gonna fall off the bed. C’mere."

Y/N took deep calming breaths as she scooted closer to the archer and almost combusted into mushy feelings when Kate grasped her hand and cuddled onto her arm, nuzzling her cheek on her shoulder as a hum of approval left her lips, "should I put an alarm on?"

"Yeah, what time is it?" Kate asked after breathing out blissfully, her sore muscles relaxing and her breath evening as sleep started to wrap her in a good, deep slumber.

"11 a.m."

"Okay, we had brunch before getting back here, so I guess you can put an alarm for 4 p.m? 5 p.m?"

"4:30 p.m. it is." Y/N smiled as she put an alarm on and placed her phone on the nightstand, before relaxing as much as she could with the archer clinching onto her, "goodnight Kate."

"Goodnight Y/N, sleep well."

-

"So Kate is working with you guys on an Avengers level threat?" Eleanor asked in disbelief as she eyed Y/N and Clint sat respectively on Kate’s right and left side.

"Well not exactly." Clint answered truthfully as he put a poker face on and acted chill, something Kate was struggling to do since she was bouncing her leg under the table as she wrung her fingers anxiously and Y/N had some troubles in keeping her smile at bay as she watched that adorable sight.

"I’m helping him though. You see CB1 has some problems and he needs my help-"

"CB1?" Clint asked under his breath with a confused face as Y/N chocked on the sip of tea she was drinking at the nickname Kate just made up. "No one calls me that way, CB1."

"I’m just trying it for a second." Kate murmured under her breath with her head turned slightly towards Clint before focusing her attention back on her mother, who was still staring at her confused and completely unconvinced about all this entire situation of having two Avengers in her penthouse with her daughter and about these two Avengers allegedly working on a case with her, "as I was saying, we were just passing by here and we needed to use the bathroom, well he did. So we’re just gonna-"

"A notification on my phone tells me-" Eleanor’s authoritative tone, alongside with her mother’s inquisitive stare and scary gaze, stopped Kate in her tracks as she was sitting up from her chair to escape this situation, but it seemed it was all completely useless, "that someone tried to log into my account 10 minutes ago. Any thoughts Kate?"

"Nope." Kate stressed the ‘p’ out as she avoided her gaze, "we’re just gonna go, there’s-"

"Can I see you out?" Eleanor met Clint’s eyes before focusing her gaze on Y/N’s Y/E/C irises, both tentatively nodding with forced smiles on, clearly in distress and embarrassment.

"Yeah, we’re gonna-"

"We stay." Kate sat back down dejected at her mother’s tone that left no room for objection and sighed out loud in frustration while crossing her arms under her chest and laying back on the chair’s backrest.

"I’m just gonna wait right outside of the building. If you need something text me." Y/N snorted under her breath to not be caught when she saw Kate jump slightly on her spot at the sudden voice in her head before meeting Y/N’s Y/E/C irises with her wide, excited, curious but also shocked eyes then nodded right after she wrapped her mind around Y/N’s words. After about an hour Y/N was surprised to see Kate exiting the building with a determined face on, "well that was fast."

"Next time warn me when you decide to talk through my mind, I almost screamed in fright!" Kate approached Y/N and slapped her arm gently when she heard her giggle, before starting their walk towards Y/N’s apartment.

"I’m sorry! I’ll clap my hands next time so every eyes in the room will be on me, just to be sure I’m being careful and sneaky." Y/N joked with a witty remark and chuckled some more when Kate grunted in frustration and bumped their shoulders gently, making her stumble just a bit in her steps.

"Anyway, I need to stop quickly to the store to buy a few things." Kate stated vaguely a few moments later, looking in the distance with a proud smirk and resolve shining brightly into her ocean blue eyes.

"Why?" When Kate didn’t answer, Y/N asked more, "do you care to elaborate?"

"I need to buy a few things for Clint." Kate kept on sharing just a bit of informations as she reviewed her plan into her mind, still looking ahead of her.

"Okay? Why?" Y/N tried again, getting amused but also a bit exasperated in a good way about Kate’s lack of elaboration.

"I just wanted to buy a few things for him."

"Kate." Y/N stated with an amused tone as she pushed the archer a bit on her shoulder with her own and giggled when she heard the black haired girl snort in happiness at her own teasing, pushing on Y/N back just to bask a bit more in their playful banter and bickering, both not caring not even a bit about the strange looks people passing by them were giving them, "you looking ahead of you with that smile is freaking me out."

"I was thinking what to buy for Clint!" Kate laughed as they rounded the corner and stopped at a traffic light and waited for the red light to turn green walk across the street. "He is postponing his flight to go back to his family just to help me, so I wanted to make his stay here a bit more homey and christmassy."

"Kate." Y/N started with a warming tone as she looked at her in awe, her heart swelling about three sizes at the thoughtful gesture Kate was about to make for Clint to make him feel a bit more at home despite this entire mess they found themselves in, not only because Kate decided to put on Ronin’s suit to help people out at that auction, "that’s so sweet of you and so very thoughtful!"

"I owe him this and so much more. The same goes with you. You are making sure I’m always safe. You didn’t have to wait for me outside my mom’s building but you did."

"You don’t need to thank me, but if you want to,100.000 dollars would suffice." Y/N joked and reveled in the snort followed by the cutest giggle she ever heard Kate emitted and sighed out loud blissfully as they continued to stroll over New York’s busy streets.

-

"Okay, you need to make sure it turns around the corner to hit the TV to turn it off, okay?"

Kate nodded and took a deep breath before snapping the small, round decoration from her middle and ring finger and made it fly across the room. "Who wants some more-"

"Oh shit!" Kate hastily run towards Y/N that got hit right on her forehead by the decoration, the hit being a bit harsh that it made her stumble back and fall on the couch when the back of her knees hit the armrest of her couch. "You okay?"

"Which one of the three Kates in front of me is asking?"

Kate giggled and shook her head before caressing gently Y/N’s forehead to assess the red scratch the decoration left on Y/N’s forehead, making Y/N’s stomach flip over itself at the sweet, tender touch, and sighed when she noticed it will fade in a few hours since it didn’t cut her skin off, "the middle one."

Clint rolled his eyes at Kate’s joke and helped Y/N up to a sitting position, "I think it’s time for bed."

"Yeah." Y/N nodded still a bit unfocused and turned her head around to look at Clint into his eyes, "I think so too."

"Do you want to put some ice on that?" Clint asked as he was already walking towards the kitchen but Y/N stopped him in his tracks.

"No don’t worry, I’m okay. The guest room is all yours grandpa."

"Glad you’re feeling better." Y/N and Kate giggled at Clint’s grunt at her nickname and shook his head amusedly, "goodnight girls, go to sleep, it’s gonna be a great and busy day tomorrow!"

The thee of them made their ways towards the two respective bedrooms after changing into more comfy clothes. Kate sighed out blissfully at the comfort settling on her when her muscles relaxed on Y/N’s comfortable bed and heard the girl do the same, "thank you for letting me borrow your clothes."

Y/N had to literally stop ogling like a lovesick puppy Kate with her clothes, but she couldn’t help herself when she had the cutest sight she had ever witnessed laying right beside her in her bed - let’s not focus on that particular detail to prevent Y/N’s heart to burst out of her ribcage for its maddening quick rate - so she just tried to play it cool by smiling at her and nodding softly, "you don’t have to thank me, it’s not a problem."

"I’m sorry for hitting you." Kate tentatively lifted her hand up and caressed Y/N’s forehead softly, the small indent left by the decoration starting to fade as the flush was subsiding, and made Y/N gasp imperceptibly under her breath at the touch, now aware more than ever about how close their faces were as they laid on their sides, face to face, on her bed.

"Don’t worry, it was an accident." Y/N slapped herself inwardly at her voice quivering, forcing herself to not combust right in front of the young archer’s eyes for her amazing touch, touch that was still happening as her fingers caressed her forehead’s skin gently, and willed herself to compose herself and get a grip on her pathetic, useless gay self, "it was an accident right?"

Kate giggled when Y/N lifted her right eyebrow up inquisitively with a skeptic look on, "oh no, you got me! I better run away!" Kate cracked a joke as she reluctantly pulled her hand away from Y/N’s forehead and lifted them up in surrender and laughed alongside Y/N after putting a frightened look on her face.

"Nice trick by the way."

"Clint never taught it to you?"

"Well when you tend to have magic hands, you usually do tricks with your magic." Y/N joked some more as she lifted a hand up and created a blue mist that moved around her fingers, missing Kate’s small shudder and imperceptible gulp as her head caught an innuendo that clearly wasn’t there, just like it happened that evening, and tried to get her mind out of the gutter, too much busy focusing on her fingers.

"Do you regret having these powers?" Kate asked mesmerized as she stared at the blue mist before meeting Y/N’s eyes, "you told me about your story and how your mother at some point hated her own powers, so I was just curious about your own feelings about your own powers. I mean, you don’t have to answer my question, it was just pure, innocent curiosity-"

"Kate." Y/N grasped Kate’s forearm with a small chuckle to make her stop rambling and smiled at her warmly and tenderly, "I did too, at some point, hate my powers. For a long time I thought about being stupid for loving them when all I did was causing pain to so many people. But recently, after taking a break from everything and everyone, I came to my senses. I got this powers to help people. Just like I always thought. I just- I don’t know lost my way for a while. I was in a really bad and dark place and when you give your demons room to do whatever they want to your brain, well with powers like my powers and my mom’s powers people get hurt. Badly."

"Do you- want to- elaborate?" Kate asked slowly, stressing her words out in a soft voice to not scare Y/N as she stared into space with a completely blank expression on as she played with the hem of Kate’s - well it was actually Y/N’s one - t-shit’s sleeve.

"Have you ever heard about Westview?"

"No."

"Of course not, SWORD covered up the entire thing thanks to Monica. Anyway, Westview is the place where my mom and I were at our lowest and with my mom, we held hostage of an entire small town." Y/N started and grimaced when Kate gasped in shock, but she fought against the tears and got herself ready to retell Kate what she did to the people of Westview with the help of her mom and what really happened there.

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[lemonhemlock]

Having trouble with the link but I read your post about Aegon II as King

Sidebar: How wild is it that Rhaenrya's bastards have some of us somewhat slapping Cersei on the back cause at least HER bastards were passable. Also her reactions make us reluctantly respect her.

Much like Rhaenyra, she believes that she is entitled to putting her bastards on the throne because her blood is superior. She's better than everyone else. Cersei chose Jaime because she saw him as her other half. He is an extension of her and as fucked up as that whole thing is, at least they have similar traits (got me out here advocating for incest). She could easily make the argument that her children look like her. Past Baratheon-Lannister unions showed Baratheon ene was superior? Well her kids are outliers. Frankly these claims are disgusting and how dare they question her virtue and honor.

Cersei is a bamf with teeth and she's not afraid to bite.

Rhaenryas reaction is to a)run and hide at Dragonstone

B) pull a Draco Malfoy by making sure her father hears about this. Hiding behind him.

Cersei never hid behind anyone. And she wasn't Heiress.

Rhaenrya couldn't be bothered to find a man with valerian features to pass her children as legitimate. For crying at loud the mad king knew to look in Essos for people like this. Was she lazy or just plain stupid? She had to pick someone who looks nothing like her husband's family.

Sorry but I cant respect her hustle. Cersei might be an awful person but I kinda like her and have to give her props sometimes, even though she can be dumb at times. At least she's active.

Rhaenryas passiveness and stupidity at the most basic things makes it hard to have that same "I dislike you but I'm putting respect in your name "

Hi there, thank you for reading!

I find Cersei's predicament here a lot more sympathetic to begin with. Not loving her is one thing, but Robert rapes her and is repeatedly violent with her. This is not about awkwardness or being inconvenienced. The thought of bearing his children is physically repugnant to Cersei. She has Jaime help her get an abortion when he does eventually impregnate her. I cam empathize with her desire to exercise autonomy over her own body. Cersei believes Robert doesn't deserve to have heirs and I have to agree with her. Cersei takes her revenge by appropriating his dynasty and placing her perfectly Lannister children on the throne. It does feel like poetic justice for the disrespected, long-suffering wife, raging at the confines of her cage.

Moreover, Cersei had no say in her marriage. Her father wanted her to be queen no matter what, so here she is. She never had an ounce of the freedom and the opportunities Rhaenyra is awarded. Viserys allows Rhaenyra to marry whomever she chooses, organizes a royal progress for her and yet she complains, insults her suitors and comes back home early. Even then, Viserys finds a good husband for her. Being married to a gay man is not ideal in the least, but Laenor is kind and gentle, respects Rhaenyra and would never hurt her.

I'm really not trying to be crass here, but does anyone remember Renly boasting he's going to get Margaery pregnant within a year? Gay people can have children and have been doing it naturally over the course of history, too.

Anyway, on that indelicate note, merry Christmas & happy holidays!

#ask #anon #bastardposting #cersei lannister #anti rhaenyra targaryen

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Christmas with the Uppermoons 🌲 (Chaos with the Uppermoons)

Theme: SILLYNESS

Note: MERRY CHRISTMAS OR WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE IN DECEMBER (or like happy random normal day of the week if nothing-)!!! Also... Naki (me not nakime-) has a plot?!?!1?!1?! /j (I don't exactly do lmao-)

It seems whenever I write one for a holiday or smth I never have plot ideas.... it's just random gay chaos 😭

Anyways, here's the ships!: DouKaza, NakiDaki, KokuZan, KaiGyu (we'll pretend they're both alive at the same time), Gyokko x the christmas lights, Hantengu x ...air?? (idk I never write either of Gyokko or Hantengu LMAO.....) 

Ages brought closer together for KaiGyu and NakiDaki for obv reasons

Alright, let's see if I can finish this before the day of christmas <33 

Started: November 6th

Finished: (with a lot of procrastination) Dec. 24 (help)

Every year, on December 25th, the Uppermoons had a Christmas party. Which was ironic because, of all people, Muzan was the one that made them do it. Yes, Muzan. 

For some reason that none of the Uppermoons knew, Muzan had taken a liking into this human, Christian (i'm not even christian but i do christmas bc yes..) holiday and.. made his demons celebrate it. 

So now, like the past 500 years, they were readying for the holiday once again. 

This was the one day that they never went out on missions to kill. And the one day the Demon Slayers had a break. 

All of the Uppermoon's food would be stored up from a week before till now simply so they didn't need to go out and get their food on Christmas. This was, again, Muzan's idea.

Now this year was different, somehow. Different because, well, Muzan had a boyfriend. And he'd been rather keen on being a good one back, given that none of his relationships had been... successful. So, he had bought... a large amount of the most random gifts ever just to please Kokushibo (and if it wasn't obvious, Kokushibo is his boyfriend). 

And Muzan was attempting to be the matchmaker for his Uppermoons because they were so fucking oblivious!! (Like he wasn't as well.. It took him so long to realize Kokushibo liked him back and he could literally read his mind).

Muzan was pissed, though. Because a certain Uppermoon was trying to be the one to make all of the decorations and that certain Uppermoon was excedingly annoying. 

Gyokko, pleading, was showing Muzan a box full of vases which were supposedly his art and that he should be the one to make the decoration for the tree. 

"No!!" Muzan had shouted, and quite literally kicked the box of vases across the Infinity Fortress, breaking them to pieces. 

Gyokko cried for hours after that, and only because Kokushibo soothed him did Muzan stop himself from killing Upper 5. 

Later, Muzan called an Uppermoon meeting and.. 

"Gyokko," he said. 

The Uppermoon, still in tears, looked up. "What?"

"You must dress up as the grinch and then stay in the corner of the room all of Christmas and.. cry. Okay?" Muzan decided, crossing his arms. 

"What?!" Gyokko cried, "why??"

"Because I hate you!"

"I..."

Daki covered her mouth, trying not to laugh, and said, her words muffled by her hand, "I can get him a costume."

"Perfect," Muzan said. "Alright, now I hope all of you have been buying things for each other—if you got anything for Gyokko give it to him the day after Christmas because the Grinch doesn't deserve anything. Okay? We have only a few days to decorate the Infinity Castle so I hope you all know what to do!!" 

They all nodded simutaneously, Gyokko sniffing indignantly as he did. 

"Right. Now hurry up. Kokushibo, meet me in my office in a minute." Muzan turned and left, leaving the Uppermoons to prepare—and Gyokko to suffer in silence.

(Ehm. You might know by now that I don't particularily favor Gyokko 😇)

×××

"Kokushibo. I need your help," Muzan said, his voice lowering on the word 'help.' He'd never asked for help before in his whole life—honestly.

Kokushibo cocked his head. "Do you, now? What for?" he asked curiously.

"The Uppermoons are so stupid!—Not you, of course," Muzan quickly corrected. 

"Hm. Why so?" the six-eyed demon asked. 

"Because Akaza like Douma but he pretends he hates Douma and Douma—the stupid motherfucker—likes Akaza but thinks it's just that Akaza smells nice so he likes to be with him more, Daki likes Nakime but is too afraid to say anything, Nakime likes Daki but had bad experiences with past relationships so doesn't want to say anything, Kaigaku likes Gyutaro and knows which Uppermoon likes which and is rather loud-mouthed and a gossip but he never can tell Gyutaro how he feels, Gyutaro likes Kaigaku but doesn't know how to do relationships, Gyokko is, for some weird reason, madly in love with art, and Hantengu is scared of everything including air," Muzan said in one breath, sighing at the end. "So you see, they're stupid. And I'm trying to get the Uppermoons together—in relationships, but not Gyokko and Hantengu for obvious reasons—and I've not been able to!!" 

"Ehm.." Kokushibo stared at him for a minute, trying to process everything. Then he said, hesitantly, "I guess I could help? I'm no expert in this place but I can try.."

"Thank you!" Muzan said, relieved. "It was starting to get annoying trying to read their minds to see what they thought of my announcement and finding them only longing to be kissing some other Uppermoon. It's irritating." 

"Right..." 

The demon king put a hand on his desk and leaned on it, looking Kokushibo up and down. "So, why don't we go do something together now that we're by ourself? A little freedom before we have to put ourselves to dealing with the Uppermoons?" he suggested, grinning. 

Kokushibo laughed. "Alright, then."

×××

And hence began the matchmaking service of Muzan Kibutsuji. Oh, and Kokushibo of course.

First patients, were Uppermoon's 2 and 3. Or, the lemon and the strawberry as Muzan and Kokushibo called them when there weren't alone. 

Muzan proposed that they would first try to get Akaza to admit his feelings because... because Akaza was really stubborn. Well, so was Douma but they eventually agreed that Akaza would take a bit more convincing since Douma usually ended up agreeing pretty easily since he had no sort of handle on his own emotions. 

Muzan told Nakime to teleport both of the Uppermoons to one room in which they couldn't escape, then he would care for the rest.

After that, Muzan watched the two through Nakime's eye, seeing them confused at first.

"Hi," he said unceremoniously, his voice echoing into the room they'd been teleported to. 

Akaza and Douma looked up simultaneously. 

"Master?" Akaza asked, confused. 

Muzan nodded then realized they couldn't see him. "Ah, right. You two must confess until you both understand. And then I'll let you out," he explained. 

"Oh," Akaza said. His mind raced. Could it be that Muzan knew who he loved..?

Douma stared down at the ground and his hands fidgeted. "I...I confess that once, when all my cult members went to a festival, I was tired and hungry. And I... didn't want to go look for humans to eat... so I ate a chicken."

Akaza raised an eyebrow. "You what?"

"Ate a chicken..."

The shorter of the two bit back laughter and Muzan's voice rang around them. "You idiot! That's not what I meant when I said 'confess.'"

"It wasn't?" the blond asked, confused.

"No, you dumbass," Muzan said, exasperated. Why'd he chosen this person to be in the Upper ranks again? "Akaza, you go first."

Akaza's laughed stopped almost immediately and he averted his eyes, turning away from Douma.

Completely clueless, the rainbow-eyed demon tilted his head in confusion. "Are you okay, Akaza-dono?"

"Shut up," Akaza snapped, crossing his arms and glaring at the floor.

"Akaza," Muzan said sternly, as if scolding a little child. "Tell him." 

Akaza looked away and was silent for a moment before—"Fine." He turned back to Douma, his eyes narrowed. He looked very stern. Serious. 

Douma swallowed, fearing the worst. 

But then Akaza said, "I fucking like you."

And then the world melted away and Douma was blinking and staring up at Akaza with his eyes wide. "You do?"

"Bitch, didn't I just say that?"

"You aren't lying?" Douma asked hopefully.

"If I were lying Master would kill me!!!" Akaza snapped, getting irritated.

"I probably would," Muzan agreed.

Kokushibo, who was standing next to Muzan and being given the ability to see and hear everything that was happening, stifled a laugh. Muzan rolled his eyes at his boyfriend and shushed him before turning back to the two Uppermoons.

"Now, Douma, what do you want to say about what Akaza told you," he said, as if a parent trying to get his child to understand.

Douma thought for a moment—actually thought—and then said, "Thank you?"

Akaza sighed. "Why do I like you again?"

Muzan was having similar thoughts and, deciding that Douma was very much like a child, said, "Listen, if you don't figure it out I'm going to have you be punished!" 

Douma pouted. "Okay..." He turned to Akaza. "So, do you know what I'm supposed to say?"

"You're supposed to say about how you feel of what I said," Akaza said, cringing at his own words. He didn't really want to know. 

"Hmm..." The blond demon appeared to be deep in thought as he started pacing around the room. Then he stopped, quite suddenly, and said, "Akaza-dono!"

"What?" Akaza said, his tone bored now. 

"I like you too!" he said decidedly, making Akaza's eyes widen. 

Definitely unexpected.

"What?" he repeated, though more intrigued now. 

"I like you too, Akaza-dono! You said you like me, and I like you too," Douma explained. 

"Like... like-like, or just like?" Akaza asked slowly.

"Wut." Douma blinked. (I wrote duoma-)

"Like-like or friend-like?" Akaza tried. 

"What's like-like?"

"Like... love? Sorta? Or, like, more than friendship?" he said, confusing himself.

"Uhm... Like-like!" Douma exclaimed, poising his hands on his hips triumphantly for figuring it out.

"Oh."

A silence quite deafening spread through the room, making Douma fidget uncomfortably.

"Is that bad?" Douma asked after another moment.

"No, no it's not," Muzan said, answering for Akaza. "Now you two can go off and fuck now I don't care. Nakime?"

The biwa demon complied, strumming her instrument and teleporting the two Uppermoons to Douma's cult room.

×××

"Two down, four to go!" Muzan said, apparently very proud of himself.

Kokushibo agreed, sitting down on the chair in front of Muzan's desk. "Now what?" he asked.

Muzan hesitated and his previous triumph seemed to simmer down. "I... don't really know."

His boyfriend laughed, making him snap his head up indignantly. "Hey!! It's not like you're giving me any ideas," he protested.

"Okay, okay, fine," Kokushibo said, sighing. "Do we have a sort of deadline?"

Muzan tapped his chin. "Christmas?"

"But that's in, like, 3 days..." he whined.

"Yeah and we only have two more 'couples' to go through," Muzan said. "We just need some plan. What do Daki and Nakime like?"

Kokushibo shrugged. "Shopping? At least Daki does. Oh! We could tell them to go shopping for the gifts and then we'll make sure they grow closer through that?" he suggested.

"Yes! We can set them up to go to one of the stores that I pretend to be human in as a worker," Muzan decided. "I'll ask them if they're dating or something."

Kokushibo nodded. "Alright. And Gyutaro and Kaigaku...?"

"Ughh, I don't know," Muzan whined. "We'll think of that tomorrow."

He stood and clapped his hands, projecting his voice to make sure Nakime would hear him now. "Nakime! You and Daki must go shop for presents now. Understood?"

Nakime, confused, said, "Yes, Master."

There was the sound of the biwa echoing around them then Kokushibo and Muzan found themselves on a street. Muzan grinned, "Alright, you go think of something for Kaigaku and Gyutaro or whatever, I'll go do my shift now."

"Fun," Kokushibo sighed, walking off. 

×××

Nakime walked silently beside Daki, wondering why the hell she had to do this. Like, it wasn't completely out of the blue since Christmas was coming up, but it really was random. Especially since he'd said for her to go. Daki would be more reasonable but Nakime usually just put up the decorations.

Why this this year?

Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that Muzan had been trying to get Douma and Akaza together...?

She sighed, raking her hand through her hair which was pulled up in a ponytail, her eyes disguised as human ones—two human ones. Distorting but she couldn't cause confusion.

"You alright?" Daki asked, turning to her as they walked, their feet marking footprints in the snow.

"Mhm, just wondering why I have to go," Nakime grumbled.

Daki laughed. "You'll live. Or are you cold? I can hug you," she said, grinning. She was wearing clothes more appropriate for winter—Gyutaro had insisted—and she looked absolutely... adorable in them.

The biwa demon shook her head as they approached the first shop. "We can't walk like that," she remarked.

"You can carry meee!!!" Daki teased. 

"How are you to help me shop then?" Nakime pointed out, stepping through the door. 

"Finee..." 

They looked around, finding themselves in a clothing store. 

"Hmm, I should buy that grinch costume for Gyokko now," Daki said, looking around. "I'll meet you at the front, no? We can meet up when we're done so we can pay and go on, alright?"

Nakime nodded and the two split up, going each their own way.

×××

Muzan waited, drumming his fingers mindlessly on the counter. It took a while and he was starting to regret having decided to take on this job as he knew Daki took a long time to shop, but then they finally walked up to him and he stood up, making sure he kept down his aura to a less menacing one, more fragile and human-like so they wouldn't notice. 

"Hello! Having a nice christmas, I suppose?" he said, his tone cheery, matching his smile.

Daki nodded and placed her things on the counter—taking up half of the space. Nakime placed her things there as well which ended up only being half of the amount Daki had gotten. 

"Yep, you?" she said, fixing her ponytail.

"I'm doing alright, myself," Muzan said, picking up the first item. "Are you two dating? You seem very close," he commented, careful to not look too curious. 

He looked up and gave them a tentative smile.

It took them a second to realize what he meant and they flushed simutaneously, instantly shaking their heads in denial. 

"No?" Muzan asked, counting the payment. "Such a pity. Close friends, then?" he decided. 

"Ehm..." Nakime mumbled, her usually pale-white palor practically glowing with pink. "I suppose."

Daki nodded her agreement quickly. "Yeah... Close friends..!" she said, pushing what she was buying closer to Muzan, urging him to continue.

"Right, right. Nice to go shopping together, hm?" he said. 

"Yep!!" 

"You sure you aren't dating?" Muzan pushed, laughing. "Your 'friend' here is quite pink."

"I'm just cold," Nakime said quickly—too quickly.

Daki glanced at her, almost surprised, then nodded as well. "See, I told you you should carry me!" she said. 

Nakime sighed. "How would we carry this?" she asked, motioning to their things. 

"Uhhhh, with you hair," Daki joked. 

"Alright, here's the charge," Muzan said, jotting it down quickly. "Anything else?" he asked.

Daki shook her head. "That'll be it."

"Mhm, have a merry Christmas!!" he called out to them as they walked out the door. 

Once they were out of sight, he quickly placed the money in the cash register (idk what they used if it was smth diff so we'll just do it as it's done here now<33) and called out, "Kokushibo!! Go follow them!!"

Kokushibo, at Muzan's command, followed the two girls as they walked to the next store.

They walked in silence, their hands full with their things and their thoughts elsewhere. Both appeared to be flushed and most definitely not from the cold—especially since demons aren't affected in visible ways by cold.

Kokushibo followed them until they entered the store then he paused and went back to Muzan.

"So?" the demon lord asked, his eyebrows cocked in curiousity. 

"I think that you've at least sparked something other. They didn't talk or anything but they were... definitely thinking about it," Kokushibo said, smiling.

Muzan leaned over to him and gave him a quick kiss. "Good."

×××

"Okay! For Kaigaku and Gyutaro, we're going to need Daki. But since she's... developing her relationship with Nakime, we can have you talk to Kaigaku first," Muzan said, leaning back on his chair.

"Why me?" Kokushibo huffed.

"Because he sees you as a father," he said, rolling his eyes. "And you can just pretend you want to see him for training or shit, I don't care."

"...alright. What do I say? Or do?" the Uppermoon asked, confused as to where this was going.

"Just talk to him about random shit then drop big ass hints that he likes Gyutaro and that he should ask him out. Kaigaku catches on with that sort of shit really easily, don't worry." Muzan sat up. "Shouldn't be too hard."

"You say it so vaguely, though..." Kokushibo complained. 

"You'll do great, Kokushibo," Muzan assured him. "Want a good luck kiss?" he teased.

"Yes."

Muzan slipped around his desk and went to kiss him but arms wrapped around his waist and lifted him onto the desk. 

"Hmm, don't go too far Kokushibo," he warned, though he gave him a tender smirk. 

×××

Kaigaku stood in Kokushibo's house—a small human one with a lot of curtains and boarded up windows to make it look as if an abandoned one though it was far from that inside. 

"Soo, what am I doing here? Training again?" Kaigaku asked, his arms poised on his hips in a relaxed posture.

"No, just talking," Kokushibo said, sitting down on a chair he'd placed across from the one he's put down for Kaigaku—who wasn't even using it. 

"Hmm, what about?" the training-to-be-an-Uppermoon-demon asked, his eyebrows perked in curiousity. 

"Stuff."

"Elaborate."

"Sit down, Kaigaku," Kokushibo sighed.

He sat. (totally a sentence)

"Start the conversation, then. I've got to finish wrapping the presents," Kaigaku huffed.

"Alright. Hmm, so your place as an Uppermoon? You'll be taking as... Uppermoon six if there were to be any vacancies," Kokushibo said awkwardly, after a moment of silence. He honestly didn't know what he was supposed to say. He'd had a vague idea but then he'd gotten all caught up with Muzan and... shit, so it'd slipped his mind. 

"And...?" Kaigaku prompted. "I already know that, you know-"

"Right, right. Gyutaro and Daki are Upper six at the moment," the Uppermoon said, thinking quickly. He had to bring Gyutaro into the conversation.

"Mhm?"

"Maybe you should train with them? Like, Gyutaro, say! You seem to be around him a lot recently. Have you befriended him well?" he asked, mentally approving himself. 

"Oh, uh..." Kaigaku paused. "Yeah, sure. I've... befriended him, all right.

"Very well," Kokushibo said, noting the emphasis on friend.

"Why do you ask?"

"I want to make sure you have closer sight on what it's like to be an Uppermoon. You should really talk to Gyutaro more. Ask him out if you want to go and talk to him somewhere more... private?" Kokushibo suggested, a glint in his eyes proving he meant other than what he was saying.

Kaigaku, obviously realizing this, flushed. "Ask him... what?" 

"Out."

"I know, I meant, uhm..." he faltered. "Nevermind. Okay." 

"Great! And hopefully he can be more than just a friend, in which you two can bond together in other ways to give you more experience," the Uppermoon said. He stood, then, and said, "Have fun!" before walking off deeper into his house to wait for Muzan.

×××

And then it was Christmas.

Muzan and Kokushibo lay quietly in Muzan's room, both having wanted a bit of rest, when the door slammed open.

They jolted up. "Wha-"

"IT'S CHRISTMASSS!!!" Daki exclaimed, grinning widely. She wore a sort of onesie that was red and white with patterns of reindeers. "GET UP FUCKERS!!!"

"Daki!!" Muzan groaned. "Quiet down."

"NO CAN DO!!" she said, dashing off.

Kokushibo sighed. "We better get going then."

"Right. I'll go see if Gyokko has the costume on," Muzan said.

"Mhm." Kokushibo kissed him on the forehead and then the two demons stood and walked out of the room, noting the decorations put up all over the Infinity Fortress.

"It looks beautiful," Daki said as Muzan and Kokushibo entered the main gathering room. 

Nakime smiled. "Thank you."

"I know someone else she finds beautiful," Muzan said under his breath.

"What?" the biwa demon asked, turning her gaze to him.

"Nothing. Alright, Gyokko!! Where are you?"

Daki burst into laughter then, bringing the attention of the demons to her.

"What?"

"I gave him the costume of the grinch an hour ago and he'd been complaining that it's not fit for him to wear and that it's not artistic at all so he won't come out of his pots," she explained, pointing to one of the flower-designed vases sitting in the corner of the room.

Muzan shook his head. "Gyokko, get your cowardly ass out of the stupid vase and show us the costume. If you don't, I'm going to make sure every one of your pots are destroyed and your paints and materials are thrown into an ocean." 

Gyokko, obviously shocked by this threat, gasped and the sound echoed in the pot. 

"Well?" the demon lord said impatiently.

"Fine..." Gyokko whined, slowly but surely going out of the pot. 

There was a beat of silence as everyone stared at him, the bright green fuzzy—but somewhat soaking wet—fabric of the costume making him look worse than ever as he averted his eyes to the ground, his face flushed in a red hue contrasting against his usually pale skin.

And then—

Laughter rang out from Muzan making nearly every Uppermoon flinch in surprise.

"Nevermind, Gyokko. You already looked like shit before but that's worse. You can take it off... at midnight," Muzan decided.

Gyokko huffed. "Okay. How long till then?"

Daki grinned. "Nearly twenty four hours. It's nearing to one AM of today," she said giddly.

"...Fuck. Can I at least stay inside the pot?" he whined. 

"Nope, you have to stay out in that corner of the room the whole day, remember? And cry but I suppose that's optional," Muzan said, raising an eyebrow to see if he'd contradict.

"Fine."

×××

"Nakime!" Muzan hissed.

He was right behind Nakime, watching the other Uppermoons and Kaigaku exchange presents and talk. 

"Yes, Master?" she said.

"Put mistletoe over where Kaigaku and Gyutaro are in a bit, alright?" he said, his voice low in a whisper.

"Yes, Master." 

"Okay, now go talk to Daki or something and stop sitting by here the whole time. You can play  music later," he dismissed.

Nakime nodded. "Alright."

×××

Kaigaku was laughing as he spoke to Gyutaro when he noticed something above him. He looked up, his action being followed by a similar one by the Uppermoon he spoke to. 

"Mistletoe?" he said. "Was that always there?"

"No, I don't think so," Gyutaro said.

Kaigaku paused. "Gyutaro," he said suddenly, grinning.

"Huh?"

"People put up mistletoe because you're supposed to kiss if you go under it. We're under it," he said, raising his eyebrows slowly, trying to get Gyutaro to understand. 

"Wha...- OH." Gyutaro froze. "You want to..?"

"If you want to..." 

"So... yes?" he said slowly.

"Do you?"

"...yes."

Kaigaku nodded and leaned forward, pushing the box he held in his lap to the side. "Yes." He closed the distance between them, their eyes fluttering shut almost instinctively. 

When they pulled apart, both's cheeks were flushed and Gyutaro looked to be practically glowing, a shy smile forming on his face.

But then Daki gasped, and they turned to look at her. "What?" they asked in unison, as if the kiss had brought their words together.

"You guys... just... KISSED?!" Daki said, her voice almost in a shriek.

"Is that a bad thing..?" Gyutaro asked uncertainly.

"ARE YOU KIDDING?? IT'S THE BEST THING EVER!!" Daki squealed. 

Taken aback, Gyutaro took a moment to respond as he blinked, confused, at his sister. "It is?"

"You realize the both of you have been crushing on each other for, like, months and said absolutely nothing?!" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Months..?" Kaigaku asked, his eyes widening. 

"You too," she deadpanned. "You've liked him for longer, no?"

"Fuck off..." he mumbled. 

Gyutaro looked torn between backing up Kaigaku or his sister and he remained silent.

Douma, noticing this, turned abruptly to Akaza—who was about to go talk to Nakime—and said, "Akaza-dono!! We both like each other too! Can we kiss??"

Akaza glared at him. "Fuck no!"

"Why??" the blond whined, pouting. 

"Because you look like shit and you are shit," Akaza said, huffing and turning away.

"But... you like me!" Douma pointed out.

"My feelings have been corrupted."

"I wanna kiss you, Akaza-dono!" he said impatiently.

"Too ba-"

He was interrupted when lips pressed against his in a fleeting moment.

They stared at each other for a second, then Akaza turned red and turned away, covering his face with his hands.

Douma smiled happily. "You're pretty, Akaza-dono!" 

"I hate you," Akaza mumbled, the words too weak to be true.

"I love you too!"

×××

(watch me run out of ideas so imma end it now)

"Hmm, looks like they're having fun," Kokushibo noted, smiling.

"Yeah. What about Nakime and Daki, though?" Muzan asked, sighing.

"Don't force it, they'll figure it out themselves.

"Alright."

Muzan leaned against his boyfriend's chest, their arms and legs tangled up with each others comfortably.

"Love you, Koku... Merry Christmas," he said, stealing a short kiss from the Uppermoon.

"Love you too."

{Word count: 4152}

The fact I always end up as thirdwheel

THIS 

I FINALLY FINSHED

LY ALL

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS OR HAPPY WHATEVER!! <33

ALSO IDC I'M POSTING THIS HERE PAST CHRISTMAS I WAS TOO LAZY TO YESTERDAY

#kny #sillyness #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #fluff #uppermoons #demons #kokuzan #nakidaki #kaigyu #gayness #gay #ships #ds #upper moons #demonic gayness #muzan being gay #doukaza #mwah #ahhhhhhh #idfk #christmas writing #hahahhahahsh #help #more random tags

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Work Friends: A Holiday Romance

Pairing: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson Rating: G (but there are a few f bombs bc i’m me) Words: 4,817 Genres/Tropes: Holiday, Co-Wokers!Klaine, Teachers!Klaine, Friends to Lovers

Summary: Kurt isn't thrilled about who he's drawn for the Grant Middle School Secret Santa, but if it means he gets to go gift shopping with Blaine--the choir teacher he's had a crush on and good friend of three years--then maybe it won't be that bad.

A/N: What's crackin ladies, gays, and nonbinary theys???

First off: HUUUUGE thanks to @esperantoauthor and @blangsty-days for their help with finding a title! It was much appreciated <3333

Second:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!! (to those who celebrate! and to those who don't, I hope you're having an awesome Saturday and/or Hanukkah and early Kwanza!)

Anyway, here's some workplace romance/friends to lovers fluff because as miss t swizzle says: tis the damn season (and I've written enough angsty holiday fic last year so i thought to even it out). HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY!

***

Kurt looks at the name written in the paper before him with a tiny scowl. He doesn’t have enough evidence to prove it, but there’s something off about Mr. Ryerson. Maybe it’s the way he decorated his room with vintage collectible porcelain dolls, and the way he looks at Kurt like he’s one he’s yet to collect.

That being said, he’s not exactly thrilled to have drawn his name for the faculty secret Santa.

What do you get a total creep like that?

More dolls? A nail file to break him out of prison when the FBI inevitably discovers bodies under his porch? Therapy?

“Who’d you get?”

Blaine’s voice breaks Kurt out of his pondering state and he makes a face, frowning as he flashes Blaine the name on his piece of paper. “Ryerson. You?”

Continue Reading on AO3

#klaine #glee #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #klaine fanfiction #klaine fic #wow look at me im writing!

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! I am coming to you with Christmas/reveal update: So first of, Merry Christmas, i hope you had a lovely day. And second: yesterday my day started with my brother waking up probably the whole neighborhood by blasting Christmas music and then he immediately forced me to open presents. His “bad present” to me btw was my own candle that was already half used. So that made me fell a bit better about his present. Let’s get to the thing we all care about, btw i was so fucking nervous, it’s actually ridiculous even though I knew he wouldn’t freak out. Anyway: he opened his present and saw the shirt and he started laughing so much and was like ‘oh fuck i can’t wait to wear this to my check up on Wednesday’ and then he found the note… and he stared at it and then looked at me, looked at the note, looked back at me and went ‘isnt that the site that banned porn?’ Out of all things i thought he’d say, that one wasn’t even near the list. And i was like ‘yeah, im sorry. Originally i just wanted to tell the person how you started watching it and how she kinda had something to do with it and then it just kind of…blew up and other people wanted to hear your thoughts’ and he looked at me surprised and went ‘people…as in plural..*looks at me almost a bit scared* so like…do they hate my thoughts and me oooorrr would we be friends if we met?’ And then i told him that to my knowledge, he was liked and the look on his face was priceless ngl. And then he went ‘show me the blog’ and i had your blog already pulled up all the way down to the first ever message (which holy shit..i almost feel bad for all the spam, bless your heart for putting up with me) and he spent hours going through them. I’m talking every answer/comment/post.. and when he finished he went ‘damn…i was going through it. I’m so glad I matured since then. But im happy they didn’t witness my season 1 reactions’ (he has not matured. He is still the same minus all the meds. During s1 he threw a bag of candy at the tv when Craig showed up..) after that he told on me to our parents and he started that conversation by saying ‘merry Christmas, hey guess what? I’m famous!’ I got in trouble a LITTLE bit BUT he did defend it with ‘no no guys, you dont get it. I’m famous! To like 5 people but that’s still a lot of people!’ He also called our uncle and was like ‘you made bets on me being gay cause of Brian? That’s messed up bro.’ He spent the entire day going through the messages multiple times and told his friends about it.

And then today he wanted me to send you guys a message in his name and i wanted to die inside. His only order was to type everything he says. So my apologies in advance, he proof read this entire message and still wanted to send it as it was. So without further ado, here’s a message from the man himself:

Should I start with hello or sup? Hi everyone, how are you guys? Hope Christmas didn’t suck for you. Yesterday i found out about this blog and my partial participation in it. So hello, first of all I gotta say: Jinx is fucking cool so I already like the person who runs the blog. Make sure you let them know that. And ask what their favorite drag race moment with Jinx was? Okay, second of all: that photo meme someone made with Kevin Hart being Bri Bri was the best fucking thing I’ve seen in a while, it made me laugh so much. I sent it to all my friends to show them, hope that’s okay. Anyway now to the important shit: I am very happy that I was able to entertain you people throughout the last few months even if it was without my knowledge. I am also 100% very fucking confused about it. I actually thought my reactions were pretty fucking normal and that mom and dad were being dramatic but now being able to go back and see them…i would lie and say it was the meds but my sister clearly provided some other stories so I can’t even lie that I’m usually normal. Whatever. But i am happy to learn that I am not the only one when it comes to being in love with Blondie and Brian. Or the real life versions of them. Although there’s not a lot of them in any behind the scenes stuff or even interviews or photos and my sister told me that that hasn’t changed even now, so what the fuck is up with that? I was ready to reactivate my instagram to keep up with them, only to learn that I got better chance seeing Jesus come back to life than to see them post a fucking photo especially Gale. Kinda fucked up and rude but whatever, I’ll live. I think. Probably not.

Anyway, glad to know we had similar feelings about some stuff and that I’m not alone in thinking Mike and Ben are fucking boring. Felt good to be understood. And I’m happy to know that without my knowledge I was accepted into your little club. I read every answer to my sisters messages and even some, is it comments? Well I read those little notes too and some of them made me laugh and you guys all sound pretty fucking dope. I mean someone all the way from fucking Europe kept up with me? I am so sorry to that person but also that’s so cool.

And I want to say thanks for the well wishes! I saw that at the beginning there were some replies wishing me fast recovery and all that shit, so thanks for that! That’s very sweet of them especially since they don’t know me. Let them know i find out on Wednesday if I can go home next week and that i might get my cast removed. Okay, now i leave them with my farewell message: You guys are cool, thanks for making me a member of the club. I appreciate that a lot. Fandoms are fucking dope cause it’s just bunch of people loving the same thing and isn’t that fucking cool to think about? Just bunch of people coming together because of their love for something. So it’s nice to be in another fandom. I met my best friend cause we both love Iron Man. Hug your homies or whoever you want and pet an animal if you can! And while you’re at it, tell a republican to go fuck themselves. Especially right now. Bye. Let them know I threw a peace sign up at the end.

FRIENDS IF YOU ARE READING THIS GO TO MY BLOG AND READ FROM THE START OF THE MOST RECENT UPDATES BECAUSE THIS IS THE SWEET SWEET FINALE TO THIS CRAZY LITTLE TRIP.

Hello brother anon! (Dear sweet anon, please show him this message). I’m so glad you’ve taken this all with a big heart and a sense of humor. But give what your sister has shared with us and the way you’ve joined your local drag community, I didn’t think you would be super pissed. But you never know. As this is a show that has been off the air for nearly 20 years, the fandom is small and we very rarely get new content (the newest content was 2020) so having your updates via your sister was an incredible breath of fresh air. Thank you from the entire tumblr fandom!

This? This is what it’s about:

Fandoms are fucking dope cause it’s just bunch of people loving the same thing and isn’t that fucking cool to think about? Just bunch of people coming together because of their love for something. So it’s nice to be in another fandom. I met my best friend cause we both love Iron Man. Hug your homies or whoever you want and pet an animal if you can! And while you’re at it, tell a republican to go fuck themselves. Especially right now. Bye. Let them know I threw a peace sign up at the end.

This is what it is all about. Fandom is about the people just as much as the canon on which it is based. We are small but mighty and we are happy and delighted to welcome you with open arms.

My favorite Jinkx moments? Oh god, to have to choose? Ofc her iconic snatch game performances - all stars 7 of course of course but her snatch game as Little Edie on S5… whenever I wash my hair and put it up in a turban I like to go find my spouse (not hard, we live in a 2 bedroom apartment) and quote her line “I can never tell if it’s caviar or giblets for the cats” and I get bonus points if I actually grab a can of cat food for my performance. I’ve gotten to see her live twice - her and Dela’s holiday show in 2019 (I think - or it was 2018) and her most recent one-person show. I am SO EXCITED TO SEE HER IN DOCTOR WHO.

Much love to both of you - Siblings Anon. (makes fist) Ally.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

[dnf-fic-recs]

So I feel like this might be are common request after today, but man I'd love if you guys could rec some christmas fics. The fluffiest stuff you have. Absolute tooth-rotting sweetness. Sickly sugary cute.

Happy Holidays by the way to everyone! Hope the rest of your guys' year turns out great!

i threw in some pure fluff but also a few of my fav xmas related fics! (mainly fake dating bc im WEAK) :] happy holidays (no pun intended) to those who celebrate!

bibingka by furculaed

“Dream,” George says deadpan. “You’re drunk.”

“Am not,” he refutes. George raises his eyebrows at him and suddenly he feels 2 feet tall. “Okay, maybe just a little. But, George, I swear I’m fine!”

“What are you even doing here?”

“Decorating.”

“Decorating… my door?”

-

or Dream gets home from a night of drinking and decides to decorate the house.

merry kissmas by myicedcoffee

She gives him an odd look. “You’re an adult, Dream. You’re allowed to sleep in the same room as your boyfriend.”

Dream freezes, and George chokes on air behind him. “What?” Dream says, eloquently, at the same time as George says, “Oh.”

Dream takes George home for Christmas, and they end up pretending they're in a relationship—or the five times they don't kiss, and the one time they do.

so far in running by myicedcoffee

"I bet you a month’s worth of compsci homework and a muffin that you can’t make it through all two weeks of winter break without breaking and telling your mum the truth.'

That's probably the stupidest thing Dream had ever heard come out of George’s mouth, and that was saying a lot, but saying no to George had proven to be an unnecessarily hard thing to do.

So, of course, Dream finds himself looking George dead in the face yet again, holding his hand out to shake on it.

'Deal,' he grumbles, but he can feel the grin tugging on his face, and he knows George can see it too.

or,

Chocolate chip muffins, a bet, and a fake relationship. What could go wrong?

Chasing Snowflakes (Dreamnotfound) by passmethemolly - Mature

After a few careless words, George suddenly finds himself needing a boyfriend for the holiday season to bring to his family back in England. Clay, being the great friend he is, plays along with his friend's crazy plan of pretending to be dating for the four weeks. What could possibly happen?

Mature for language use.

There's No Mistletoe Above Our Heads But I'll Kiss You Anyways by jungkooksfic

“I’d love for you to come George, but you do realize that I’m not out, right?”

Ah, there it is. The fact that Clay isn’t out until his family. A minor detail.

George, before fighting better judgement, says, “we could just pretend we’re not dating?”

Clay has the grand idea to take George home to meet his parents, but there's one teeny-tiny detail he didn't tell them about:

He's gay, and George is his boyfriend.

(Or, Clay and George have to pretend they haven't been dating for nearly two years, and George is a really terrible liar.)

unwrap by luckylikeyou

Dream and George spend Christmas together.

#dreamnotfound #dnf #dreamnotfound fic recs #dnf fic recs #dnf fics #dreamnotfound fics #asks #anon #mod holiday #christmas fics #getting together fics #established relationship fics #fluff fics #hurt comfort fics #angst fics #fake dating fics #proposal fics #sfw fics

[justanothershippingcan]

merry christmas anna! :3 to your last response, i am doing better actually! sorry to hear that you're not :( hope it gets better, but congrats on the job too! i wanted to say i saw your discord status and i told my friend who's obsessed with akeshu abt it lmao. they even wanted to know your recs. idk how i have sm friends that are into be gay do crime enemies to lovers like that, bsd, vanitas, yuumori?? i recently got one of mine too (which turned out to be my first ever fic kekw)

AJIDDH SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE! Merry Christmas and the most beautiful of holidays to you as well, Ling!

I am so happy you are doing better, that’s what counts. And thank you for the congratulations!

AKESHUU HAS ME LIKE. I HATE THEM, I have been reading most fics I could chew on while trying to avoid spoilers since I am still in the middle of the game. The mission, of course, kiiinda failed, but it’s fine, I say. Welp, I am pretty sure they have read most of the ones I am about to link but anyway! Here are some I have read, might come around to this once I actually am on par with the game content:

Closing Speed, Wishes wisely expounded (Fairy Tale AU), Irregular Resolution and Ambiguity Aversion all by Lady_peony. The first and the third in particular are absolute favorites. My usual taste in fic involves long one shots with super pining, forgive me.

I said that, but the next is as a hello. which is short, but absolutely felt.

Then, for some damn reason, for once, I went around eating Soulmate AUs. I prefer canon-adjacent fics most of the time, Persona isn't an exception, but with the spoiler-limiting thingie and just in general the presence of great Soulmate AUs, I dived into these waters. The one where they are meant to be is possibly my favorite among them, followed by Saudade, Missing Pieces and The Botany of Love. And welp, A quick drop if you want the angsty-angstee-angstboom and, of the same vein, Black Bird which I believe is the one that made me start this Soulmate AU spree (and has an amazing little twist at that).

And finally, three very different ones. 701 is, I believe, the first fic I read and follows the writing line of "as a hello." Short one shot, relationship study focused. But it has a way more philosophical, artistic vein, so to speak. Should be the first one I read even!

The second is a knight/prince AU The prince's token and finally, one I am actually planning on reading as of now is an actual Phantom Thief/Detective AU Love and Justice share a blindfold. I put these two together because both have, respectively, sexual implications and explicit sexual content. I am someone who usually skips the NSFW parts, so better safe than sorry!

I find it funny how I said that I am more for canon-compliant but ended up reading AUs. That's what I get for not wanting to spoiler myself, but still loving to get more than what I should bargain for. However, these fics are all outstanding tho and worth a read.

Your friends btw are... incredibly cultured. Like, absolute peak taste. Yuumori, BSD and Vanitas are some of my favorites in general and their ships? Chef's kiss. If your Akeshuu friend wants to share recs as well, they are more than welcome to do so!

AND OOOH? DO SHARE YOUR FIC, I'll be happy to read it! (EDIT: I JUST REALIZED YOU PROBABLY MEANT that you made a friend whose fic was the first one you have read. Ooops, sorry!)

Wish you again happy holidays, hopefully imma adjourn this list once I manage to read more!

#my asks #ask #Me fangirling over my new obsession #Goro Akechi #Akira Kurusu #Ren Amamiya #Joker #Persona 5 #Persona 5 Royal #P5R #P5 Royal #P5 #Akeshuu #Akeshu #Shuake #Shuuake #Fic recs #Mine

[josilverdragon]

"I'm a whiner, give me money." - my cousin at the county fair

I've really gotten further into "Spare" and while Harry has some wins, there's a lot of emotional and mental issues he's dealing with and sharing in this and I think my empathy is strong right now because this evening after taiko practice, my mood really dropped and I had to just put my phone on do not disturb and read for a couple hours.

I keep going through ereaders, color e-ink, kindle paperwhite, oasis, etc and reviewing them and trying to decide which one I should get and then I remove it from my cart and just get a new screen protector, a new clear case for the fire hd 8 I have and got a new clear case for my phone. I've had 3 (cases for my phone) in the last 4 years or so because clear cases always turn yellow because of the oil and dirt and sun exposure and so on. I use a pop socket (or phone grip) for all my kindles as well as my phone because it makes handling them so much easier. I wish I could just buy that ereader, whatever it might be or could have been, and not feel guilty about it.

In the back of my mind, I think Binderary will be a bust for me. But that damn cold threw me off and like tonight, I'm just a mess still. Just because apparently I am.

I never received a Christmas card from my grandmother. My one biological grandmother left. I did send her a nut mix from Swiss Colony and a large print crossword book that she apparently picked up and started working on it as soon as she received it. I called her and talked with her and made sure she got her gifts and that she was well. Honestly, I grapple with feeling sad and ignored because I didn't get a card while my cousin, with his wife and baby, got theirs as well as gift money, while also remembering that my grandmother does not owe me a damn thing. None of my family does. But Grams was the one who kept sending cards without fail, while everyone else in my family forgot about me because my biological father (her son), was the black sheep. He was gay, got arrested and was in jail and here I am, his daughter, his child, not following with the traditional American Family (TM) rules and expectations. Anyway, it just hurts. Even if I know that she had car problems and I keep hoping I might get a card saying sorry and merry belated christmas, even if there isn't any damn gift money in it. Acknowledgement.

Also, my mood could be because I said in practice that the person who ends the song with the final "te ke" on the shime drum should be the person who's senior most and they ignored me.

So essentially, I think it may be I just feel like no one listens to me, no one cares, no one looks for me. I know I'll be fine in the morning, but man these emotions fucking suck.

At least my weight is going down again after stalling during the week I had a cold. I thought maybe it might have been something I did, but no, it was just I didn't move around a lot and slept a lot. And I ended up with a lot of eating out that week (take out rather).

Anyway, I'm going to stop whining now and continue working through my fic hoard organization. I'm on the last 2500 line items! lol

cross posted here

#personal #whining

[somethingqueerisgoingonhere]

I’ll Break The Silence You Created

A collection of poems to reclaim my truth. And our truth we have built together out of the pain you tried to use to break us.

I dedicate this top of the iceberg to Timothee Chalamet, my humorous life long friend and loyal companion whose has become my protector, lover and cat confidant.

Blue Care 101

Dog grooming.

$13.50 an hour.

You should be grateful asshole,

That’s more than scrubbing bathrooms pays.

Wait this dog is so big it has to be a wolf!

But it’s got the temperament of a deer.

Or am I thinking of a moose?

Does it fight you when you try to clip it’s nails?

It’s for it’s own good!

You know it will enevitably scratch up the couch,

Unless you shorten the length.

Oh let the dog choose.

But there’s no winning because cats do that too!

Some experts argue it’s even worse!

Don’t you know they have retractable claws?

One moment curled up in your arms,

The next devoted to the evil cause.

She must be temperamental,

She doesn’t favor the dog.

How his happy wagging tail,

Leaves destruction in its wake.

But just like her claws are just outbursts,

She’s too embarrassed to say,

That she loves that dog all the same.

Even his catlike ways.

I Relate Marie Antoinette

I ask for too much,

Always with one foot on each side.

Cowboy on his fine line.

I never relent.

Eat my cake and want it too.

Ask for too much cream,

Can’t help it,

Black coffee’s just too cruel.

Merry Christmas!

Holiday cheer!

It’s going great!

Over Here!

The Only Shade He Buys Me

So put on your shades,

We have places to be.

I’ll wear the heart shaped pink Ones,

That list off the constellations in your heart.

And you can wear the cat eyed Ones I got you.

You don’t care what anyone says,

You make it one of our inside jokes.

Well go on a trip,

And bury all the crap,

They all think makes a woman’s worth.

They think all she is,

Is her ability to say yes.

Titanic, you see?

Idiots who think they all see.

Hit the fiercest rock of ice in the world.

That the strength of Greenland made.

Can you believe that that’s all they think she is?

Maybe if your hearts were warmer,

You would have melted the ice like my man,

And sailed to the coast of France.

He spent the duration of his journey,

Learning to play the violin.

He did it for when he reunites with his Bonnie lassie,

So put on the sunglasses,

And we’ll fuck,

As much up as we want.

And go to,

Any fucking place,

That we fancy in good taste.

And won’t tell them a single juicy detail,

Let them keep boasting their false predictions,

That it’s only a matter of time ‘til from the grave we’ll wake.

But I have it on my good authority,

That happily ever after is within reach of our toes.

Seriously, is this a comedy show?

The earth would stop being gay for the moon,

Before that prediction ever comes true.

And we’ll decide what makes the choice list or not.

We know how to work together well cause we’re both hot.

And we don’t let anyone,

AnyOne tell us our route.

I feel meek as a hushed child,

Seen and not heard.

Spend all my time studying,

The theory on bandaid architecture.

Like I can fix everything,

If I just get my degree,

Well I’m graduating real soon.

Watch me walk the stage in my highest high heel shoes.

The ones my lover bought for me to piss off you.

I’ll flip off Mr. Cage,

And burn that degree with bae.

Cause I can use the degree I earned,

Or not use it in anyway I choose.

But I have this strange feeling,

A real prediction of sorts,

That I have been dreaming of making myself a seat at the top of the table hovering over me.

I’ll grudgingly admit to learning,

From your bipolar conditional love.

But the cannabis haze I smoke,

Intends to lure me graciously to forget.

He makes sure I have nothing in my head,

But him when he uses his.

So watch me go with my head held high,

The highest head I’ve ever had in my life.

What was I saying?

Oh yeah,

Fuck bandaid school.

I’m almost done waiting for you.

Just because I set the agreed upon time,

Doesn’t take away from my desire to get on my man’s good side.

Besides,

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Or did that quote mean grow larger?

Hell take me home like he’s promised me all my life.

He’s taking me somewhere he’s made bandaids exiled.

You kind of have that authority, you know,

When you’re the king of hearts.

But you better believe he sits on my throne.

He’s doesn’t need a one minute solution,

Has Wakandan ways to heal.

Like hunger taking over before a grand meal,

They, take immediate effect.

Don’t have to keep the old bandaid ways on hand,

When I laugh too loud,

Or for simply loving the cat,

Your boyfriend bought you to have,

For forgetting your hat,

In a very public Arby’s parking lot.

It wasn’t his fault,

A thief stole it right out of his pocket in broad daylight!

Maybe they’ll give it back someday,

Since he’s shown such sweet remorse.

It means he’s earned the right,

To hear my thank you tonight.

Even if you hear the echo first,

Some say echos create the same effect,

As 1000 year old aged wine.

He earned the right,

To say all that he wants,

With that sorry he gave.

Oh, Canadian ways.

Quebec on my brain.

Polite and knows how to shovel the driveway?

Now I’ll get to be the housewife I always dreamed of,

While having the clearest driveway,

Of all the maidens in the land.

Did I ever tell you,

About the stitched pillow,

Decorated with a very certain phrase?

Hopefully you don’t mind,

My cocky side,

It’s just I was raised on that phrase of,

“A princess lies here”.

If they didn’t want me to have such boastful ways,

They shouldn’t have promised,

To make a Princess out of me.

Looks like that point goes to me.

Yeah, sure,

I could have used a hat,

It was a cold Christmas without my favorite tradition,

Of putting up the Christmas tree with you,

That Christmas I spent missing you.

Who cares,

We planned and conjured up magic sunglasses,

That we’ll get the most use out of on Koh Krabi beach.

Two seems fitting for you and me.

Finders keepers,

Losers keepers.

Shouldn’t leave important stuff out,

For anyone with a sharp eye to spot.

If they only look with careful eyes,

They’ll get quite a surprise!

Because when you’ve got shades,

You make your own ways.

And get to enjoy,

To Soak up,

All that beautiful ocean side Christmas haze.

Sorry to offend!

I should have known better,

Don’t you know it’s impolite?

To make someone respect you,

If they’re grossed out,

By your journey to peace .

Throw them to the dogs,

He knows how to use his teeth.

Their goal in life seems to be,

Make sure girls never know peace.

So they can’t know that they may just be a sight to behold.

Well I’m a supporter of the arts.

Even when the painting’s not my style.

I’ll pay respects to his,

Because no one can tell him what’s art,

Even the painter.

Who said it was barf.

Wanting sympathy is a fickle game,

When the topic takes some skill in gymnastics,

So don’t waste time on it with your clever brain,

I think the cogs turning is making smoke escape.

Listen dear,

Don’t waste patience,

On people who will never know,

What it’s like to have the flexibility,

To do an Arabian double front roll.

My man’s seen it,

In the seat I saved him, front row.

It’s racist to tell me what’s is and what isn’t art,

When the masters gave it a name,

And declared,

With their endlessly earned opinion,

That it is,

Quite a sigh to behold.

Well I was never one for polite conversation.

My man doesn’t care for fake manners,

And neither do I.

When the topic is me and my right to decide,

Don’t tell me what baby you think I should carry.

When its for me and MY baby to decide.

They tried to steal my right to choose,

But I was never one to get played by the rules,

Even when I didn’t yet know,

I was breaking them down,

And having a marvelous time.

My man and I will break as many as we want,

Like the plates you insisted we set,

For our Christmas party with our friends.

We smashed them on our golden unscuffable floor,

In the house we share and treasure,

While we cheered and roared,

And celebrated.

And yeah,

I did it in a dress,

So what?

And you know what?

They’re sick and tired of being told not to clash,

And the right way to clash in the light of the flash.

I can get toddler dressed in the dark,

If I goddamn well want!

Why the hell cant pink go with red?

Who said?

I’ll wear the pink ruffled skirt,

She loved all through school,

The one strung with hearts,

Before I knew he put them there.

So I’ll wear that favorite skirt ,

And the red shirt,

She gave away,

Leading to now’s reclaim.

Or I’ll choose instead,

To wear One of his pj T-shirts.

And ask him please to guide it on me.

And admire the way,

He puts it on me like he’d let me own,

Every one of his shirts and make them my own.

He does so happily,

While I rest in his lap,

Happily too,

In his lap,

Stretching like a cat.

And he’ll like it when I choose to wear it

Nowhere else but in our bed.

Just to see you squirm,

Or him instead.

The Red Of The Poppy

A thousand poppies decorating the hill.

Take the leaders purposeful steps,

You earned to make your own.

You’ve more than earned the right,

To revel in the sight.

Don’t let the poppy scent,

Take you back to darker times.

Do you feel the land healing under your hands?

It’s breathing out clear blue skies like you planned.

Don’t let the history,

Of the past that has passed,

Bleed you dry,

Hold your head up high,

Because light shines there too.

Because I can only too if I have you.

Oh your bravery,

Walking the fields where I once wept.

But now the place where you’ve shown me,

I can pay my respects,

But it’s my decision to choose.

We can’t forget,

Where their blood spilled red,

Soaked into the earth of own homeland.

They laid fearlessly in battle so I could wear this crown.

So twirl me around and hold me close,

We don’t care if they’re mad at the way we don’t.

Because we’re even madder,

Than every poppy that’s come before.

It would make them proud.

I have thought thoughts,

I deeply regret.

Deep running betray,

When I was all but raised in her womb,

And in the sister of the warm skin of her embrace.

That held me up,

Skin to skin,

To breathe in her scent from within.

I mourn this deep betrayal,

Of what should have been unlearned hesitant ignorance.

Do I deserve a chance to learn?

It’s a painful reminder of important regret.

A lesson in standing for what’s right in the end.

I’m sorry for not standing when I should have.

I want to be someone,

Who can make her proud,

The one whose skin warmed mine in the darkest of times.

I didn’t know if I was allowed to raise my hands,

And be allowed to touch her forgiving outstretched hands.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes,

But I will spend the rest of my days,

Learning your knowledge,

Of an unrelenting strength.

Let me kneel if you can see it’s intent,

You’re the mother that guided me here,

Paved me a path through the graves,

Like you loved me just the same.

Your sacrificing example,

To aid in the birthing of the path,

Was the reason I learned,

To read his notes in the end.

The tapestry to freedom you let me stitch,

You gave the thread,

The needle,

The stitch,

For a chance at our people finally walking into the light.

There’s power to be found in your ability,

To teach and nurture history.

Feeding us from the habitat you attend to.

Now I see the scope of understanding grace,

What you gave,

To teach me to relate.

The gift you’ve given,

Is The key to change.

You tell me with careful haste,

“To change is the key”.

I didn’t know,

My words held power.

I’ve never been an example,

So used to being talked over.

Told by the boys in my class, “go back to your country!”

They said you’ll find my country in the kitchen.

That it’s the only place to belong.

Being taught to unlearn my thoughts.

The knowledge that connects you to your ancestors lost.

But if it contributes,

Even one more drop of love in the vial,

I will talk if it means change.

If it means it will open your eyes to your true power.

Their idea of love,

Is so small.

Don’t they feel trapped,

In a world of laws?

I used to live there,

Kept my head down,

And my nose behind the line.

But then a man,

Someone who knows that I choose words with intent,

And knows exactly why I’ve given him this compliment,

It’s because of this way about him,

That taught me that love,

Can be so many things.

And your pathetic narrow minded opinion,

Can’t touch us,

Because I believe his truth he tells me.

Is this what they fought for you for?

To break each other down in our own home,

Our own land?

You clearly didn’t pay attention to our history,

Or the lessons they wrote to leave you.

How dare you walk on the dream they gave us,

The chance they built,

Through sacrifice,

All so you could speak your lies.

You bring their name you wear to shame.

And those with truth and power in their hearts,

Will always find a way.

My favorite’s Parmesan.

Tuscany sweet but made from drunk cows.

They tell the waiter to tell me to say when,

But I was too busy celebrating with them.

Why do they hate,

Girls who have taste.

Girls that are learning to like Gouda,

That he convinced them to taste.

It might even become their second favorite,

If he can remember not to steal from her plate.

Who ever hated Dianna’s ring?

Sure she got it from an imposter pig,

But they made it up,

So,

Cleared of all charges!

Ring meet your new name: Revenge.

She made it a symbol of her unrelenting desire,

to fight back against the words of liars.

I’m not gonna sit here,

And argue with someone like Ben,

She’s so full of shit he doesn’t know where his mouth ends.

Spoiler alert HES a worm.

Not the kind of worm a partner could ever learn to love.

And just like the worm that he is,

Can’t tell his ass from his face,

Eats the dirt under my feet,

The soil that nature blessed for me,

Under my bare feet.

My baby knows,

He helped me slip off my shoes,

And learn it’s okay to bury my toes,

Beneath the snow.

And bask in the way we grow our life force,

That feeds our children we’ve borne.

So bow your head,

Over your plate,

Like you used to do in the wrong way,

The way they forced us,

To torture us.

But it’s ours again, ours.

So thank our mother,

For her inclination for fate.

She made the choice with true love,

And I don’t argue with the first person,

Who cradled my face,

With her gentle strength and warm brown hands

I’ll take back my power,

From every foul word you used.

Now the words sing in the choir,

My husband arranged for me and not you.

But you’ll never know,

What it means in the way,

He looks at me.

I’ll bet it enrages you,

How together we master the game,

And created a language,

Only we get.

It’s not polite,

To take what’s not yours to have.

Did you really just try to shoot down,

A hummingbird that’s just left land?

Some things deserved,

To be saved just for us.

And it was his decision to make,

While I’m away and trying to stay sane,

Waiting on the flight news,

Of the split flap display.

Because I know every decision he makes,

Is for the child we one day create.

And he’s the kind of father,

Who takes on the experience of being waylaid, with grace.

Fights the ringmasters who think they know better than fate,

That like to spin tales their ignorance creates.

But he’s a father first and foremost,

You won’t take his right.

He’s taken great pain to show us all,

Himself,

How he’s changed for love’s sake,

For the goddamn sake of love.

And no matter how much,

You attack the way he chooses to love,

He’ll do it anyway,

Because he likes how I wear it,

Just to rub it in your face.

Grow the lilies in the garden,

I’m sorry for what they did.

The ransom demand they gave you,

It shouldn’t have been yours to pay.

I’m sorry for the part they say I played,

In creating lies born of pain.

Unwillingly aiding them in gossip,

Their little dancing puppet,

All for entertainments sake and the sake of their entertainment,

A puppet that talks in their ventriloquist show.

And they’re the ones that forced you to watch,

Because you’d never break a promise.

You honor every delicate paper invite and ticket stub.

So I can always keep sight of you in the audience.

So I can always know,

You’re there to take me home, after the show.

And they’ll say a lot,

It’s really okay,

About the roses you’ve arranged.

To be the reason for the prideful sparkle in my eye.

And congratulate me,

For taking back the clothes they stole from my back where they dug in their hypocrites knife.

You love watching me teach them,

That they can’t gat away with trying to make me hate my own paint.

You congratulate me for doing what I want,

To saying the show must go on!

For all the salt water tears we cried in harmony,

To speak truth and purest honesty,

What we wove into our love to grow.

He knows I’m jealousy fueled insanity.

Don’t think he minds.

I promise you this though,

Sweetheart,

You’ll find yourself begging,

If you ever look at anyone ever,

In all of time and space,

With the same look in your eyes,

You get when you watch mine.

The look that makes me shy away.

Craving Longing phantom pain,

Hide me in your embrace,

Help me get comfortable,

Buried in your shoulder,

The same shoulder as mine,

That you remorselessly took ownership of.

I’ll tell you a secret,

It’s also the place,

Of your favorite constellation in space.

You can collaborate with anyone you like,

But you better believe you’ll have to pay the price I decide.

And if I ever catch you saving anyone a seat but me,

I’ll have no choice but to make myself comfortable on the table you made me.

He built me a castle brick by brick,

Seriously,

Brick.

By.

Brick.

Having fun is most important right?

Just so I could wander it’s halls while I wait,

For him to finish his exile deserved ways.

Painting the whole town disastrously divine red.

Dazzling,

Gorgeous,

Ruby,

Red.

Lions have no trouble at all,

Lounging idly by the sharp contrast of zebra black and white.

But if their not kept fed,

You just might find yourself,

In the bed you made instead.

#poems #poetry #my poetry #writing #my writing

[handsmotif]

The Queercoding of Pinky and the Brain

This originally was just me infodumping to my friends on discord, but I decided it might be interesting to some people on here, so I polished it up and made it an actual essay lmao

To start, we’re going to break this into 2 sections -- the relationship between the mice, and Pinky’s relationship with gender, because queercoding doesn’t just mean gay!

For a 90′s show, Pinky and the Brain (and its mother show, Animaniacs) was very progressive for its time! But there were still lots of things that they couldn’t slip by censors, and thus, that’s where we have to read between the lines. And that is something I wanted to clarify here before we dive in, the actual meaning of queercoding. It’s NOT the same as queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is when the people producing certain media purposefully dangle the possibility of queer representation to lure in audiences (most prominent examples are BBC Sherlock, Riverdale, and Supernatural I GUESS? who knows abt that last one anymore), but never follow through, purely for profit. Queercoding is when media producers WANT to write in queer representation, but can’t, usually because the censors won’t let them. So, they must resort to subtext. (example: the policemen from Gravity Falls) It could also be unintentional, simply assigning certain characteristics associated with the LGBT community to characters. (example: Bugs Bunny, many Disney villains) Either way, it heavily relies on the audience picking up subtext, but whether it’s malicious or not varies, depending on the media. Bugs Bunny is an example of positive accidental queercoding, while a lot of Disney villains are negative examples.

Now, to actually discuss the gay little mice! Pinky and the Brain, whether it be intentional or not (based off comments from Maurice LaMarche, Rob Paulsen, and Tom Ruegger, signs strongly point to intentional, but it’s never been explicitly confirmed), is an example of positive queercoding.

There are many moments that I could pick out to discuss here, but we’ll start with some VERY on the nose gay metaphors. 

Remember Romy? If you don’t, that’s their actual biological son! Romy came about due to a cloning accident, where their DNA got combined and spat him out. 

There’s SO many things I could say about Romy. Every appearance he makes has an overarching gay metaphor as the plot. His first appearance in the episode Brinky (yeah it’s literally titled their ship name), it deals with his dads (WHICH I ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT, he DOES call them both dad, and they do both call him their son) disapproving of the fact that he wants to leave home and not follow in their footsteps of taking over the world. Brain even goes as far as disowning him whenever he tells him, which is certainly something a lot of queer people can unfortunately relate to. Also seen a lot in this episode is Pinky and Brain arguing even more than a married couple than usual, which pushes Romy away even further. Later, when Romy eventually does leave, and Brain starts to regret chasing him away, he tries desperately to reach out to him, but Romy doesn’t want anything to do with him. They end up tracking him down to an apartment building, where Romy is now living with his human girlfriend. When questioned about their relationship, the girlfriend, named Bunny, goes off on a tangent about how people shouldn’t judge others based on labels or relationships (hello?), and that Brain needs to be more tolerant. Brain apologizes and Romy forgives him. Happy ending.

Romy’s only other appearance is in the comics. Essentially, the plot of this one is that Brain wants to become the president of the local high school’s PTA, but he needs Romy’s help to make it look like he has a normal home life. He also enlists the help of Billie, the obligatory Woman introduced to make sure Brain doesn’t look as gay as he actually is, that he has a crush on. She pretends to be his girlfriend, and Pinky pretends to be Romy’s uncle, while they make up the story that Romy’s actual mother was lost at sea. Because if the organization found out that Brain has a son with a MAN??? THINK of the controversy! Anyway, the plan works, and Brain actually manages to get elected as president. Throughout this though, Pinky gets WEIRDLY jealous that Brain keeps brushing him aside for Billie. To the point where during Brain’s inauguration, Pinky actually dresses up as the wife/mother lost at sea and storms into the room.

[ID: Comic panels of Pinky, Brain, and Romy on stage at the inauguration ceremony. Pinky busts into room wearing drag, saying, “Yoo hoo! I’m back from years lost at sea to be with my son and ungrateful husband! Narf!” He then hugs Romy, while glaring at Brain. He goes on to say, “I’ll stand by your side, even though you left me behind!” The people in the audience begin to question this, saying, “Oh great fuzzy bangs!”, “What’d she say?!”, “He deserted her to be with that other woman!”, “What kind of monster is he?!”. Brain then rips off Pinky’s wig and says, “This isn’t my wife! This isn’t even a woman! It’s my roommate, Pinky.” Pinky replies, “Well, yes... But Romy really is my son! Poit!” And Brain responds, “N-Nonsense! He’s my son!” More people in the audience angrily speak up, saying, “What’s that?”, “He lives with a guy who likes to dress up in women’s clothing and the both claim to be that kid’s father!”, “Grumble! Mutter!” /END ID]

Needless to say, this doesn’t end well for them. What we can conclude from this is that homophobia exists in the Pinky and the Brain universe, and our characters are directly affected by it.

Moving on, And-There-Was-Only-One-Bed is a pretty common occurrence with these two. Their cage is big, they have plenty of room for two beds, but? They choose to sleep together? Even in some times where this has been inconsistent and they DO have separate beds, they’re always RIGHT next to each other. (what if we put our minecraft beds together ❤😳)

I would like to mention the episode, You’ll Never Eat Food Pellets In This Town Again! This episode is interesting to say the least. Deals with a lot of the meta of the show. Anyway. In this episode, Brain has a nightmare that he’s in a loveless marriage with Billie. You know, the woman he’s supposed to have a crush on. In the end, he wakes up from the nightmare in the same bed as Pinky.

Speaking of female love interests, Pinky is seen having multiple relationships with characters of different species. Any time this is brought up by Brain, Pinky counters with Brain being too intolerant. An honorable mention with this is in Wakko’s Wish, when Pinky is with Pharfignewton, and Brain’s constant pestering about their relationship could be read as jealousy. Pinky needs a mousy date, after all!

Something else I would like to mention is in one episode (I forget what it’s called, I’ll try to look it up later and edit this), Brain is applying for a job. The employer asks Brain if he’s married, and Brain hesitates before saying he “has a roommate,” but that he’s occupied with his own things, which then cuts to a shot of Pinky applying lipstick.

Leading into part two of this essay, Pinky’s relationship with gender! Pinky has always been very gender nonconforming, and loves to wear dresses, do his makeup, and make himself look pretty. For the most part, this is played pretty straight, and not as a gag, like a lot of shows tend to do! It’s just a casual fact about him that he likes to present femininely sometimes.

This does play into their taking over the world plans pretty often, where Pinky wears drag, usually either to sneak into somewhere. Like in one of their earliest appearances on Animaniacs, Noah’s Lark, where they pose as a couple to board Noah’s, and I quote, “love boat.” After boarding, Noah says to himself, “Who am I to judge?” Okay. Yeah. Alright. Anyway.

I actually had less to say on this than I thought I did, but I wanted to make sure to emphasize that Pinky at the very least is coded as being Not Quite Cis, and that he’s played a key part in helping a lot of people watching the show figure out that they’re also Not Quite Cis. 

Wrapping this up because I’m hungry, but I want to throw in some more honorable mentions that I really do not see any type of cishet explanations for:

They literally go on a romantic date at a very fancy restaurant in Brain’s Night Off. This is played extremely casually, and the only remark from anyone that they receive is that they are “much smaller than the usual clients.”

Pinky, on at least one occasion, daydreams about him and Brain being a married couple, and wanting to be a housewife (the original malewife ❤)

There’s an issue in the comics where Pinky has a crush on another male mouse, and when Brain gets annoyed, Pinky reassures him that he thinks Brain is cute and quite the catch too

Brain attempting to kiss Pinky in the reboot??????

Brain actually did conquer the world once in the Halloween special, because Pinky made a deal with the devil for it, and thus Pinky got sent to hell! Brain actually went to hell and gave up the world to bring him back

Brain was extremely close to conquering the world once more in the Christmas special, but after reading what Pinky’s feelings for him were (nothing romantic, just Pinky basically just praising Brain for being so hardworking and an amazing mouse, and lamenting that he never gets anything for it), he gets so emotional that he sabotages himself and wishes everyone a Merry Christmas instead

TLDR; these mice are very queer and need therapy, and are probably the most heavily queercoded characters that I can think of in children’s media.

#animaniacs #pinky and the brain #patb #brinky #FLOPS ON THE FLOOR this took a long time to write

[lilacs-fandom-garden]

Incorrect Quotes 3

Sorry for not updating in a while, anyway, Merry Christmas! Heres Incorrect Quotes 3! 

Ships: 

Crossmare

Errorink

Dustberry

Scifell

Horrorlust

Driller/Kreme

Afterdeath

Fandom: Undertale AU’s

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Blue: I'd like to address Ink's annoying personal habits.

Ink: Oh my God! What personal habits?

Blue: I have a list. FYI overuse of the phrase "Oh my God" is number 12. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: I'm sorry for all the stuff I said.

Ink: And for punching me in the face?

Dream: No, you definitely deserved that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: It's a good thing I still have this sexy cat costume!

Blue: I really don't think you were the target audience for that costume.

Lust: There is nothing gendered about a sexy cat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Blue: I made tea.

Ink: I don't want tea.

Blue: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.

Ink: Then why are you telling me?

Blue: It's a conversation starter.

Ink: That's a lousy conversation starter.

Blue: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: Am I cool or what?

Geno: What.

Ink: I said, am I cool or-

Geno: Yeah, I heard you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: You go big or you go home. And you don’t seem like the kind of person that goes home.

Cross: I’m not. I don’t even really have a home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Those pants look great, and I bet they’d look even better on Horror’s floor.

Horror: Are you hitting on Lust... for me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: I've lied to every girl I said "I love you" to. I thought I loved them but then I met you and realized I've never been in love before.

Dream: Aw. I did not know that.

Killer: Yeah, it was eating me up inside. So, I called them each individually and said "I never loved you."

Dream: Okay, that seems unnecessary.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Blue: We're going mattress shopping.

Dust: You know, once we get it, we'll have to break it in.

Blue: Oh, I hear what you're saying. Mattress trampoline.

Dust:

Blue: Wait, no. You were talking about sex.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Blue: Uh oh.

Fell: What?

Blue: Somebody's in love.

Fell: Yeah, right. I just think Sci’s cool. It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him.

Fell, later that night: shit.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Dream: You guys just got back together. You might not want to ditch him on his birthday.

Blue: I think Dream has a point. You can see it another day.

Ink: But someone might spoil the movie. No one can spoil Error's birthday for me. Surprise, he's even older. Who saw that coming?

Dream: Aww, that's nice. Put that on his cake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: We're lost.

Horror: Lost? As in "where the hell are we?"

Dust: We're not totally lost. We're still in Waterfall.

Killer: You said this was a shortcut.

Dust: It is a shortcut! Look how fast we got lost!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Before I do anything, I ask myself, would Dust do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Cross: Nightmare, I typed up your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you may have network connectivity problems.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: How do you keep your pants up when battling? Its incredible!

 Error:

 Error: belt. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Nightmare!! Theres an ugly monster under my bed!

Killer (who is on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed): Alright. Screw you too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: You took so long in the shower!

Ink: Yeah sorry, I was at a concert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: Holy crap, you’re so violent-

Error: Yeah, but i'm short so it's adorable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: I scared them again didn’t I?

Cross: They’re terrified of you-

Nightmare: 

Nightmare: That makes me so happy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: Error?

Error: What?

Ink: You kicked me in your sleep!

Error: ….who said I was asleep?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: Why would you give Dust a knife?! 

Killer: He felt unsafe.

Horror: Well now I feel unsafe!

Killer: …...would you like a knife as-well?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Error: Okay, lets stop using the term ‘butt-hurt’. We are adults not 12 year olds.

Cross: You sound fannytroubled.

Ink: A little bootybothered if you asked me.

Dust: Someones having a tushytantrum

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SONS?!

Nightmare: OH GOD HORROR!

Nightmare: THAT MOTHERS ADRENALINE IS KICKING IN-

Nightmare: DUST!

Nightmare: I CAN SEE EVERY EQUATION!!

Nightmare: Excuse me ma’am?! Have you seen my sons?! They’re about this tall- all clearly gay but we havent had the talk.

Nightmare: KILLER ARE YOU IN THERE?!

Nightmare: *kicks down trash can violently*

Error: 

Error: Cross control your boyfriend jesus-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy some quotes from Disney/Nickelodeon Shows!: (I uh- also added some cusswords lol-)  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: I'M PREGNANT- 

Killer: You’re not pregnant! 

Horror: Wait- who’s pregnant?! 

Dust: ME!

Horror: Congratulations! 

Killer: He’s not pregnant!

Dust: Easy Killz! I’m with child-!

Killer: You’re not with child!

Horror: I’m gonna be an uncle!!!

Killer: YOU’RE NOT GONNA BE AN UNCLE!

Horror: Then who’s gonna teach the little guy how to ride a bike?!

Error: Calm down Dust! You’re not pregnant.

Dust: Then why am I so moody and nauseous?! 

Dust: I think it's the morning sickness!

Error: ...Dust…

Error: you’re a boy. 

Dust: ...oh yeah-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sci: Sorry, but the convertants of air streams coming from the vents are creating a dangerous draft on the guest chair. 

Blue: Alright...but if I catch a cold and start coughing and sneezing uncontrollably it will be on you. LITERALLY-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Ink! Geno! Please..! Violence is never the solution-  

Blue: *gets hit in the face by a pillow and falls down*

Blue: HECK WITH THE NON-VIOLENCE..! I AM ON YOU LIKE STRIPES ON A TIGER-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Killer: *snoring on the couch*

Nightmare: Awww- he fell asleep mid clean! I’ll wake him.

Nightmare: KILLER!!!!

Killer: AHH! *sprays cleaning spray on Nightmare’s face* 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: Who took all my scarfs?! I need them for tomorrow--

Dust swinging on a rope made out of cross’s scarfs: *doing a tarzan yell and crashing into the kitchen*

Dust coming out of the kitchen with spoons forks and knifes on him: Now that was awesome!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sci: Well...I brought a book you could read-

Ink: NOOOOOOOOO- *runs away*

Sci: Too easy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: I'm a hugger!!!!

Dust: I'M A HUGGIE-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: I did not see that coming.

Killer: *gets smacked in the arm by a drone* OW!

Nightmare: Apparently you don't see a lot of things coming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Horror: ...what's that?

A random stranger: It's lasagna… and it's for a Christmas Party I’m going to.

Horror: We could have a party right now-!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: What are you all getting Nightmare for his birthday?

Killer: A slightly used lip balm. 

Dust: A free hug. 

Error: My profound admiration. 

Horror: *picks up salt shaker* This salt shaker.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: Oh, this is my chum bucket! I’m going to catch a giant squid and tame it! 

Dream: ...you’re a weird kid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: Now all we have to do is wait for the guests to show up!

Lust:

Blue: 

Lust: Oh...we forgot to invite people….

Blue: Yup, sure did-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: Its not like anybody died…!

Dream: We haven't seen the rest of the tape…..

Nightmare: 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: IS THAT A TATTOO?! 

Killer while rubbing Dust’s arm: COME OFF COME OFF COME OFF!!!

Dust: Hey! The only thing coming off is my arm! 

Killer: What am I going to tell Nightmare?! Oh….oh! I got it! We’ll just cut off your arm!

Cross: Good idea! Because that's easier to explain then a tattoo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror and Dust: *battling with pool noodles*

Blue laying on the ground: HALT!

Horror and Dust: …?

Blue: Does anyone have a pillow? This ground is really hard! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Nightmare can you do me a big favor…?

Nightmare: You need a handsome man to go with you to the reunion? No problem...I’ll do it! 

Killer: I meant to see if you could call one of your friends or your brother but uh-

Nightmare: *death stare*

Killer: okay...you’ll do-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Two days to learn a language?

Dust: I got some spanish for ya! No way Jose- haha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: And I’m sorry I said he was my favorite-

Horror: It's alright Dad! To be honest, I always preferred Nightmare. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: I know there is still some good left in you!

Nightmare: No there isn’t-! Wait. 

Nightmare: *visibly cringing* 

Nightmare referring to Passive Night: Agrh! There's still a piece of good. DARN IT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: *pretends to yawn to sling his arm over Blue to dim the lights*

Dust: Do you mind?

Blue: Not at all. While we’re at it.

Blue: *throws one of Error’s puppets at the radio to play some convenient romantic music*

Blue and Dust: *about to kiss on the couch*

Horror in the kitchen doorway: *holding a glass of milk* What are you doing?

Blue and Dust: AH! HORROR! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: What are you saying? That I’m dumb?!

Error: Well- no… you’re just not very….thinky.

Ink: Thinky? Why did you say that?!

Error: Because Geno told me I cant call you dumb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Hey Killer? Can you get me some punch?

Killer: Sure, I’ll be right back.

Passive Nightmare: Cross? Can you get me some punch too?

Cross: What? Your feet dont work? 

Passive: 

Cross: Ice or no ice…?

Passive: Surprise me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: If you all want your phones….

Nightmare: *shows box of phones* They’re right here.

Blue: 

Dream: 

Horror: 

Dust: 

Killer:

Ink: 

Blue visibly shaking: 

Dream: Blue…

Blue starts vibrating a bit: 

Dream: Blue. 

Blue starts vibrating:

Dream: BluE- 

Blue: *war scream* 

Everyone except Nightmare and Blue: OH SHIT- 

Blue: I NEED MY PHONE- *starts running at nightmare* 

Everyone else: BLUE NO *tries to restrain Blue* 

Blue screaming: *kicks Ink in the stomach causing him to fall backwards*

Dust and Horror screaming: *trying to hold Blues legs and arms* 

Blue still screaming: *elbows Horror in the ribs*

Horror letting go of Blue: OW!!

Dust accidentally lets his grip loosen on Blue: HOLY SHIT! HORROR?! 

Blue who is still screaming: *pushing Dust to the ground and running at the box* I NEED MY PHONE- 

Killer: *tackles Blue* 

Dream: *helping Killer restrain Blue*

Ink: *confused screaming* 

Nightmare: *laughing*

Blue: *flips over also flipping over Killer and kicking him in the chest* 

Killer: FUCK! *rolls over and clutches onto his chest*

Dream: HOLY CRAP BLUE CALM DOWN- *grabs onto both of Blue’s arms*

Blue screaming and kicks Dream in the shin: I NEED MY PHONE- 

Dream: *falls down grabbing his shin* MOTHER FU-

Blue running and grabbing the box of phones: GIVE ME MY PHONE-

Ink trying to grab hold of Blue: BLUE WAIT- 

Blue screaming and hits Ink in the face with the box: AHHH

Everyone else except Ink: *charging at Blue*

Blue grabs phone from out of the box: I GOT IT I GOT IT- 

Horror: *hoists up a screaming Blue in the air*

Dust: *grabbing Blue from the thighs lifting him up even more*

Killer: *grabbing Blue’s phone from his hands*

Blue: NOOOOOO-

Killer: *puts Blue’s phone in the box*

Blue screaming and squirming: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ink: *grabbing a chair*

Dream: *helping Dust and Horror restrain Blue* 

Blue: *flipping around screaming and kicking*

Nightmare: *still laughing*

Everyone: *sets Blue down on the chair Ink grabbed*

Dream, Horror, and Dust: *holding Blue down on the chair and shushing him*

Blue: *calms down*

Ink: Holy shit...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are more incorrect quotes: 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Hey do you want to- stop screaming, its just me- do you want to watch a movie with me? 

Dream: I'M IN THE SHOWER- 

Killer: Okay well when you’re done with that do you want to watch a movie with me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

F!Frisk: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl. 

Blue: I don't feel like you can fight because you are in a wedding dress. But for what it's worth, I don't think Ink could fight in that dress either.

Ink: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant bride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Classic banging on the closet door: Fell! Open up!

Fell: Well, it all started when I was born-

Classic: No I meant-

Blue: Shh....let him finish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: *sneaking in through the window at 2am*

Nightmare *flicking on the light and turning around in his chair*: So, Where were you?

Dust: I-I was with Cross!

Cross *turning around in his chair*: Wanna try again..?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Epic: Bruh, I want to give you the whole world but like...I only have 20 bucks.

Cross: Dude, come here.

Epic: *moves closer*

Cross: *hugs him*

Cross: I don't have any money but I got the world right here in my arms.

Epic: B r u h...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: How high was I last night?

Dream: You forgot what milk was and called it cereal water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue to Ink: What time is it...?

Ink: Don't know. Hand me that flute and I'll find out

*Ink plays the flute*

Dream: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE FLUTE AT 2 AM?!

Ink: It's 2am

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross doing a CROSS-word puzzle: I need a 9 letter word for disappointment....

Ink: Nightmare.

Dream and Cross slowly rising from their seats: Are you ready to fucking die..?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: How do Horror and Dust get out of these messes?

Killer: They don't. They just make a bigger mess to cancel out the first one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Passive Nightmare: Do I want to be feared or loved? Easy.

Passive: Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Cross under his breath: Then I'm fucking terrified.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.

Blue: You can't cancel a holiday.

Ink: Keep it up, Blue, and you'll lose New Year's.

Blue: What does that mean?

Ink: Dream, take New Year's away from Blue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: okay so the gingerbread house instructions say to be very delicate-

Sci: *holding power drill* DELICACY!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: I can't believe you and Horror broke the bed last night.

Dust: It must have been wild.

Lust: Haha... Yeah...

[Last Night]

Lust: Bet 35G you can't jump high enough to touch the ceiling.

Horror: Try me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: Hey ya'll. So, I know I'm the new guy here, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say... I don't know what the fuck is going on.

The Bad Guys: Agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Sets kitchen on fire]

Dust: shit- we need an adult.

Horror: You ARE an adult!

Dust looking extremely terrified: oh...oh fuck.

Horror: WE NEED AN ADULTIER ADULT. QUICK GO GET KILLER!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: It's hard being the leader of the bad guys sometimes, but I love them all and that's all what matters-

Horror: Nightmare! Me, Fell, Dust, Killer, and Lust tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and we broke everything....

Nightmare: [inhales]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: You need a hobby Dust.

Dust: I already have a hobby Killer.

Killer: How many times do I have to tell you stalking Blue is not a hobby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Error: Ink? Why are you on top of the fridge?

Ink: Can I not be wherever I want?! Maybe I like it up here!

Error:

Error: Wheres the spider?

Ink, quietly: Underneath the table...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: I have come up with a three-step plan to get Nightmare to marry you!

Cross: Okay...Im listening....

Dust: Step one! Get him to play truth or dare.

Cross: Never mind please stop.

Dust: Step two! Wait for him to pick dare.

Cross: Dust. I swear.

Dust: Step three! Dare him to marry you.

Cross: God damn it.

Horror from another room: IT MIGHT WORK!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Synonyms are weird. Because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy, but if someone invites you to a cabin in the woods, you're going to die.

Blue: My favorite is 'butt-dial' vs 'booty call'

Sci: It's called connotation

Lust: Also, 'forgive me father for I have sinned'

Lust winking at horror: Vs 'sorry daddy, I've been naughty'

Horror whose face is now completely red: I-

Nightmare: Congrats! Language has officially been canceled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream, joking: I should have Killer kill you for that

Killer from another room: who?

Dream: Oh no its okay, I was kidding around-

Killer, walking in, with a hammer and knife in both hands: No, is he bothering you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Classic teaching Fell how to drive: Alright, you see Dust walking in the middle of the road. What do you hit?

Fell: ...oh definitely Dust.

Classic: The brakes Fell! You hit the brakes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Quick! Take my hand!

Blue: *grabs Dusts hand* Now what?

Dust: Nothing. I just wanted to hold hands!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross upset: I hate you guys and I'm never talking to a single one of you ever again!

[10 minutes later]

Cross kissing everyone's forehead: Goodnight Horror, Goodnight Lust, Goodnight Dust, Goodnight Killer, Goodnight Error.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Psst! Error!

Error: what?

Blue: I made this friendship bracelet for you!

Error: Blue... you know I'm not really a jewerly person...

Blue: Oh. Its okay! You dont have to wear it-

Error: No. I'm going to wear it forever back off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Me and Killer get along fine! Right Killz?

Killer: I've never been more stressed out in my entire life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: I guess I'm just too tough to cry.

Horror: Just yesterday you were crying about snakes.

Cross sobbing a little: THEY DON'T HAVE ARMS HORROR-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reaper: Hey bitches!!! I've got starbuckssss-

Dust: YAY!!!

Error: FUCK YEAH-

Lust: AWESOME!

Nightmare: Reaper...please...its 3 am in the morning....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Are you a cuddler?

Killer: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION- yeah I'm a cuddler.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Classic: Dont talk to me.

Papyrus: What happened brother?

Classic: I went and joined a Sans look-alike contest...

Classic: AND LOST-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Sibling relationships are weird.

Dream: Like, I'd give Nightmare my spine but no way is he borrowing my charger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Whats it like dating Nightmare?

Cross: One timeI asked him for water while he was still mad at me, and he brought be a full glass of ice and said "wait".

Dust:

Cross:

Cross: I love him-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: I can't go. Stress is bad for the baby.

Killer: What baby?

Dust: Me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: I hate it when people ask me "whats the stupidest thing you've done?" Like bold of you to assume I've reached peak dumbass.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: If someone ever kidnapped you, I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth so I could kill them.

Cross: If you asked I would literally kill everyone in this room with no hesitation.

Dream [A little terrified and disturbed]: You know this is not what normal couples say to each other right...?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geno: How do you politely tell someone you want to hit them in the face with a brick?

Sci: One wishes to acquaint your facial features in a fundamental item used in building walls. Repeatedly.

Lust shedding a fake tear: Thats the most beautiful thing I've ever heard....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue, opening a Capri-sun: Guess I'll just drink my sorrows away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry if I posted a quote twice-

#crossmare #errorink #dustberry #passivecrossmare #Nightmare sans #dream sans #driller #kreme #dreamxkiller #nightmarexcross #dustxswap #murder sans #bloodlust #horrorlust #horrorsans #lustsans #horrorxlust #scifell #classic sans #afterdeath #bad guys #Star Sanses #Bad Sanses #reaperxgeno #reaper sans #fell sans

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1981

The X-Men, those back-to-the-future mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(Uncanny X-Men 141 - 152) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Brent Anderson, Dave Cockrum, Jim Sherman, Bob McLeod and Josef Rubinstein

While I also committed various fashion atrocities at the age of 14 (tye-die and fauxhawks, oh my), even Liberace would find Kitty’s outfits too much. (Uncanny X-Men 149; Uncanny X-Men Annual ‘81)

We dial back from the v. epic scope of the last few arcs. Instead, 1981 is just a lot of fun! We get:

Storm and Emma doing a Freaky Friday!

the X-Men vs. Magneto (again!)

A surprisingly effective Alien rip-off

An dystopian future! (OoOoOoOo)

Last year was the year of the Dark Phoenix, this is the year of Kitty Pryde. That’s not to say Jean’s death is swept under the rug: all throughout, we see her friends mourning her loss or remembering her fondly. (Scott even gets to have a demonic adventure about it.) But in general, Claremont puts Kitty in the forefront, fleshing out his YA-addition to the team. And what would a YA heroine be without a grim dystopia? Roll out the iconic Days of Future Past!

To be fair, 2013 was a dark time for all of us: What Does the Fox Say somehow got to the top of the charts and I was still watching Glee. (Uncanny X-Men 141)

How cool would it have been to see a name like Jonothon Starsmore or Eva Bell on those tombstones?

Anyway, that’s Kate. Kate’s had it rough. Mutants are at the bottom of the foodchain, most X-Men are dead and only a small cadre of resistance fighters remain, Sentinels dominate, and while she is married to Piotr, her children have been murdered. Bleak. Luckily, the rebellion has concocted the plan to shunt Kate’s spirit back in time to prevent this awful future from happening. (You’ve seen Days of Future Past, the last passably good X-Men film, you know what’s up.)

Let’s do the time warp again! 1981!Kitty’s mind gets taken over by 2013!Kitty, who promptly tries to convince the X-Men that a new Brotherhood of v. Evil Mutants will try to kill Senator Kelly, a presidential candidate who tries to put the mutant menace on the agenda. (Mutants tend to blow stuff up when he’s around.) Since the X-Men recently took a literal trip to Dante’s Infero and also befriended a cosmic world-ending entity, they basically shrug and go: “Yeah, this checks out.”

Off to Washington they go (zoommm) and there, they happen upon the Baddest Bitches in Herstory:

“How dare you hate mutants, senator Kelly! We’ll fix that by killing you!” (Uncanny X-Men 141)

This All-New, All-Different Brotherhood consists out of:

Destiny, a blind woman who can see the future. Definitely the eeriest member of this group. Badass lesbian, though that won´t be canon for years.

Avalanche. Greek who makes things shake. Is a long-standing member of the X-Men Rogue’s gallery, but rarely features in the spotlight. I think he got more characterization in four years of X-Men Evolution than he ever did in the comics.

Mystique. Shapeshifter. Ruthless and unhinged, the Cersei Lannister of the X-Men universe. Absolute legend, secretly the wife of Destiny, currently not as unhinged as she’ll be later. Immediately implied to be related to Nightcrawler: it’s the yellow-eyes-blue-skin-combo.

Pyro. Can manipulate fire, not create it. Absolute pillock, in all the best ways of the word. Originally intended as gay, but they decided to make him Australian instead. (?!)

Blob. Big, strong, immovable. We’ve seen him before.

One of the details in this fight I enjoy is that Storm is still struggling with her leadership, although she has a better grip on things than Cyclops:

Wolverine then proceeds to use those iconic but deadly claws about twice per issue for the next, oh, forty years. (Uncanny X-Men 142)

While the X-Men fight the Brotherhood in the present, we cut back and forth to the future. There, the X-Men consist out of some familiar faces - Storm, Colossus, Wolverine - and some surprises: Magneto (in a wheelchair), Franklin Richards (son of) and an unfamiliar ginger girl called Rachel. (She’ll be important later.) We even learn (one of) Magneto’s names: this is the first time he’s canonically called Magnus.

One of the strengths of Days of Future Past lies in its brevity, the way it tantalizingly taunts us with a brutal but familiar future without giving away too much. It’s single-handedly responsible for all those dark future timelines the X-lines are so fond of which will eventually culminate in time-displaced grandsons from alternative dimensions and the impossibility of a succinct answer to the question: “Who’s Cable?” Too much of a good thing and all that.

Still, what Days of Future Past does so successfully is:

Put the idea of the mutant menace back at the forefront, hammering home the metaphor of mutants being a minority. Mutants being put in camps and being forbidden to breed should - regretfully - make us think of all too many real life equivalents. (Specifically, all of the imagery harkens back to the Holocaust.)

It starkly shows what happens should the X-Men lose, reminding everyone of the stakes. The X-Men are here for a reason: bridging the gap between mutants and humankind. If they fuck up, we end up with mutant concentration camps.

It helps that the X-Men in the future almost all die horribly: Franklin is incinerated, Storm is impaled… It's brutal stuff. The only one to survive is Rachel, who wonders if their plan actually changed the future or if they created an alternative timeline. (It did the latter, sorry ‘bout it, Rachel.)

In the present, Kate chases after Destiny, who trains a gun on senator Kelly. I always wondered how this works: if Destiny saw the future, she knew that killing Kelly would trigger a terrifying future. What in the current Marvel timeline made her decide that the Days of Future Past was better? Did she see her own death? Did she see the Onslaught-crossover coming? The Chuck Austen run? What was it?

In any case, time-anomalous Kate stops Destiny from killing Kelly and the future is safe! For now. Kate disappears, Kitty returns to her body and some of the Brotherhood are apprehended. All is well, for now.

After being a key figure in DoFP, Kitty is also the main character in the Christmas special, which is basically a straight up horror and a pastiche of the Alien-movie.

Seriously, John Byrne still isn’t sure why he wasn’t sued by Ridley Scott for this. (Uncanny X-Men 143)

If you love Kitty Pryde? Read this issue. If you’re not convinced you like 80’s Kitty? Read this issue. It’s not continuity relevant and it’s basically Kitty playing the part of a Final Girl in a horror where she’s being chased by a demon, but it’s so good. It showcases all her strengths and her foibles. Kitty’s intelligent, cute (sometimes preciously so) and brave, but she’s also young, self-conscious and hot-headed. And it's not as if the other X-Men automatically adore her: Storm berates her all the time, she’s afraid of Kurt because of the way he looks (though she grows out of that) and she fights with Professor Xavier a lot. Moreover, she has a clever power-set for a young superhero who faces menaces on a daily basis: a thirteen year old who can go intangible is far less likely to have reality ensue on her and be dramatically offed because she's better at protecting herself.

I’m sure there are people who thought Sprite was hogging the spotlight, but I, for one, say she brings more to the table than, say, Angel. She’s not the Dawn Summers of this franchise.

Scott also gets a side quest. Poor guy can’t catch a break: first the love of his life dies, so he quits the X-Men, then he realizes he can’t do much else than be a superhero. He becomes a sailor on the ship of spunky captain Lee Forrester, is drawn into the sadistic plans of a demon unironically named D’Spayre and then shipwrecks in Bermuda with Lee.

The X-Men, meanwhile, are tormented by a team-up of Doom (who’s currently Latverialess and working on a comeback) and Arcade, that annoying crony. Locke, Arcade’s dom, has kidnapped the loved ones of the X-Men (Moira MacTaggart, Jean Grey’s parents, Illyana Rasputin and Amanda Sefton) in order to blackmail them into getting Doom to free Arcade. Apparently, Arcade accidentally insulted Doom and DOOM DOES NOT FORGIVE THAT FOLLY.

While the B-Squad (Polaris, Havok, Banshee and Iceman) goes to save Arcade’s hostages, the X-Men sneak into Doom’s castle. Well, except for Storm, who doesn’t give a single fuck and simply flies up to Doom, demanding an audience. Doom likes the cut of her jib and invites her to have dinner. (This is pre-Tinder, so this is a legit way of scoring a date.)

If Storm has a flaw (I said if!), it’s got to be her atrocious taste in men. (Uncanny X-Men 145)

The X-Men find Arcade’s cell empty, while Arcade casually saunters up to Storm and says hi. Storm realizes too late that this is a trap: while the X-Men are all trapped in Saw-like traps, Storm is encased in ‘living chrome’.

If you remember she’s claustrophobic, you know why this is a bad move.

While the X-Men free themselves from their traps - Polaris hilariously has to deal with a murderous merry-go-round - Storm is slowly driven mad in her prison, triggering a worldwide tempest. (She causes Lee and Scott to shipwreck.) Under the threat of Wolverine’s claws, Doom releases Storm - or rather, unleashes her.

“Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!” (Uncanny X-Men 147)

The memory of Jean brings Ororo back to herself and she starts undoing the superstorm she created. (If only climate change were reversed that easily.) Their confrontation ends by Storm easily forgiving Doom, because she apparently trespassed on his grounds without adequate cause.

Mkay.

All of Arcade’s hostages return to their homesteads, except for Illyana Rasputin, Piotr’s sister: she’s staying at the mansion for a while. Angel, who’s sort of been a part of the team since the Phoenix thing, has had it with Wolverine and his ‘tude, and decides to quit the X-Men : he doesn’t want to be a part of an outfit that has a killer like Wolverine on it. (Or maybe he’s just mad Claremont didn’t give him any storylines: his presence has been mostly pointless.) It’s too bad he left before Kitty started experimenting with her outfits: I bet he would have loved her ugly-ass costumes.

Equally inconsequential is the introduction of a brand new character, who then proceeds to disappear from the narrative for the rest of the year:

Black Tom has tried to kill you at least twice, but him sending you a long-lost daughter doesn’t give you pause? Ugh, Sean, you deserve Moira. (Uncanny X-Men 148)

Intrigued by Theresa? TOO BAD, WON’T SEE HER AGAIN ANYTIME SOON.

Another new character is the lonely, decidedly mutant looking Caliban, who can sense “people like him” and is on the lookout for companions. Like many lonely people who try and grasp at friendship, he decides to overshoot his shot and ruin the night of Storm, Kitty and Jessica Drew at a Dazzler concert. Because he tries to kidnap Kitty, the girls react a trifle aggressively. When they realize their mistake - the eerily pale Caliban is a simpleton rather than a menace - he’s already fled. No mention is made of the Morlocks yet!

There’s also another dull annual where the X-Men team up with the Fantastic Four to save Arkon’s dimension from the Badoon and yaaaaawn. Far more interesting is the landmark issue #150. Slowly, through the adventures of Scott and Lee Forrester, Claremont has been setting things up for the return of a favorite villain. While the X-Men investigate Magneto’s old base in Antarctica on a hunch of Professor X and tangle with Garruk, Scott and Lee survive Storm’s tempest, only to wake up next to a strange island that seems to have been raised from the ocean.

It’s apparently some ancient citadel from a long forgotten civilization with a fondness for squid statues. (I don’t know man, I’ve never been to the Bermuda Triangle, maybe this is just super-accurate.)The tentacles make Lee Forrester feel very amorous, but before Scott can tell her he is way too repressed to just have sex with an attractive someone he’s known intimately for a month or two, Magneto saves his ass by revealing he, in fact, raised this island from the seafloor.

Oh, Magneto. So extra.

My ambitious little mutant demagogue then proceeds to take the entire world hostage, showing how much he’s grown from the pompous, raving madman from the sixties. (Sure, Magneto is still a bit of a madman, but increasingly, he starts being on the right side of history.)

“I’m trying to make Magneto more sympathetic.”

“Just put him on a page with some bigger villains who are less noble, like the Vanisher, Count Nefaria, or…”

“Reagan, Thatcher and Brezhnov?”

“Er.” (Uncanny X-Men 150)

It’s obvious Magneto is being pivoted as a more noble villain, codified into the well-intentioned extremist we know and love today. Not only do we get the first hints at his past, fleshing out his motivations, he’s also not wrong. Humans are historically not great at taking care of the planet or each other.

When the Russians call his bluff and launch nukes at Magneto’s new island, he quickly disarms them. His retribution is swift and ferocious: the entire citadel is a machine that massively amplifies his powers. He sinks the submarine that launched the missiles, condemning the entire crew to death, and he casually erects a vulcano in a Russian city in Siberia.

Damn. Not messing around this time.

Despite his good intentions, Magneto is still definitely in the wrong: not only because of his methods, but as Scott points out: if Magneto unifies the world under his kind of benevolent dictatorship, all of that will simply fall apart as soon as Magnus dies.

In a way, Magneto is just as big a dreamer as Charles is: Charles believes in peace and integration, whereas Magneto believes his iron fist will be enough to make a perfect world happen. Both of them ignore the reality that acceptance is difficult and messy, because you’re trying to change essential human nature: the fear of the other. Magneto believes in big, sweeping gestures that will fix the world in move, while changing the world is also boring, hard work. One step forward, two steps back. Magneto just wants to leapfrog to his ultimate goal.

The X-Men fly over the citadel, returning from Antarctica, and their plane crashes into the ocean. (Magneto does not brook planes over his territory, humans!) The Professor is also nearby, looking for Scott with Moira, Peter Corbeau and Carol Danvers. The X-Men sneak onto the island, but to their horror, their powers are nullified by some machine of Magneto. They reunite with Scott, who formulates a plan to thwart the would-be ruler of the world.

While the rest of the X-Men go to trash the machine, Storm, Kitty and Lee infiltrate the control chamber where Storm finds a sleeping, shirtless Magneto. Once again showing her terrible taste in men, she is not weak in the knees at the sight of a sleeping Magnus: instead, she contemplates killing him.

Storm knows how dangerous he is, but she also knows that he’s a great man who’s fighting for ideals, no matter how misguided. She hesitates too long: Magneto stirs, suspects an attack and tosses her out of the window, to her death.

Magneto quickly undoes the sabotage the other X-Men have wrought to his machine. A fight erupts. Storm, meanwhile, has managed to grab hold of a ledge. She crawls back up and smashes an important-looking computer, restoring everyone’s powers.

The battle turns grim, but Scott sends Kitty away to wreck Magneto’s machinery. She sneaks off, following Scott’s orders and destroying both Magneto's power-up device and all of his plans by phasing though the computer circuitry. Magneto senses this and furiously gives chase. Overcome by rage, he attacks Kitty and disrupts her phasing power with a magnetic bolt, seemingly killing her?

Everything about this story beat is great: mama bear!Ororo, mournful Magnus and even the fact that Kitty’s godawful outfit serves a narrative function: highlighting to us (and Magneto) just how young she is. The fact that Kitty’s Jewish is just icing on the cake. (Uncanny X-Men 150)

And thus, the softening of Magneto commences. 1981 might be a year with wildly varying narratives, but it has given us at least three enduring legacies to the X-Mythos: a new kind of Magneto, a fondness for dystopian futures and the character of Kitty Pryde, who's really come into her own this year.

Ugliest Costume: Kitty! Purposefully, but still. Best costume, by the way, goes to Destiny, with her creepy, creepy golden mask. Just imagine this lady casually strolling across a battlefield, eerily calm and collected, dodging everything you throw at her. Awesome design.

Best new character: I usually pick one character - what good is having a shared award when declaring the best of anything? - but this year, it’s going to one of my favorite couples: Mystique and Destiny. Can’t wait to see more of them.

Most audacious retcon: Blob somehow retroactively becomes a member of the original Brotherhood, which is not what happened. Ever weirder is Xavier pondering that he never met Magneto before his attack in X-Men #1, while their cordially adversarial relationship rooted in a youthful friendship would soon become a cornerstone of the X-Men.

What to read: Uncanny X-Men 141 - 143 and 150 - 152

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