#because again I just think 3 years is a p long time to avoid something like this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hiraeth-ink · 8 months

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Could I Be Yours (a Joel Miller fic) Part 2

Pairing - Joel x Married Female Reader

Series Summary - You’ve been married for two years now to your long term man Marcus, but with your dwindling sex life and your marriage on the rocks, you came to an agreement. You're allowed to sleep with other men. The only rules? 1- You have to tell your husband about it. 2- No staying the night, you always leave after sex. And lastly, rule number 3, you can’t sleep with the same man more than once. These rules are in place to avoid feelings blooming, but what happens when you meet Joel, and end up breaking all of the rules? Will it break your marriage too? If faced with a choice between Joel Miller and your husband, who would you choose?

Read part 1 here

Chapter summary - One time with Joel was never going to be enough, questions rise in the week leading up to your second meeting and the aftermath. Will the second time be enough? And is it just sex? Or something more?

Warnings - mentions of, infidelity/open relationship(?), alcohol, protected p in v, ass play, oral (m+f receiving), overstimulation, Joel being a sweetie, Joel being a menace,

Word Count - 8.9k

a/n - I’ve tagged everyone that asked for a part 2, I’m definitely making this into a series so more to come! I’m so overwhelmed by the love the first part got, thank you so much.

You were dreading the moment your husband walked through the door, back from his work trip, expecting to hear what you had gotten up to while he was gone. Your mind raced with what you should tell him, contemplating whether you should lie altogether and say you didn't see anyone at all, or maybe tell him that you met someone but it wasn't anything special, or even just tell him the whole truth? Tell him that you met Joel, had the best sex of your life, stayed the night, agreed to see him again and haven’t stopped thinking about him the past two days. But how could you explain that? “Hey Marcus! I know we’ve been married for five years now and together for even longer, but I broke the agreement rules and now I’m waiting for a guy to text like a teenager with her first boyfriend!” You felt ridiculous, every time you picked up your phone you were hoping for a text from Joel, even a missed call would satisfy you, at least then you would be able to reach him.

You had spent less than 24 hours with Joel, but in that short time he had completely overtaken your mind, his taste was on your tongue, his name in your bloodstream, his face behind your eyelids. Not only was he the best you’d ever had, he wanted to get to know you, he wanted to see you again. You started to feel that you were only hung up on him because he had shown you some much needed attention, but this felt different. Joel made you feel as if you couldn’t say no, as if you couldn’t control yourself, as if it didn't matter what was best or wise. You had already decided you were going to see him again, you just hadn’t decided what you would tell Marcus.

—----------------------------

Marcus had let you know that he would be home later that night. In your guilt you had cooked his favourite meal, and as he walked through the front door you were taking the lasagna out of the oven, mentally cursing yourself for cooking for hours instead of deciding on what you were going to tell him. He shouted, “Hi, honey,” as he kicked off his shoes at the door, throwing his bag to the floor on the side, probably because he was expecting you to clean up, and walked towards you.

“Hi,” you answered with a forced smile, “how was the trip?” You busied yourself with plating up the meal as he walked towards you, unsure if you could face him yet. He stood behind you, wrapping his arms around you from the back and kissing your cheek, mumbling about it being fine, but boring. He detached himself from you as quickly as he approached you, something you would normally have been upset about, a clear sign you were not as close as you used to be, but this time you were grateful for his sudden coldness. You both sat down at the dinner table, he thanked you for the meal with a smile that didn't quite seem genuine and you ate in silence, like you usually did.

As you looked at him from across the table, you seemed to make the same realisation again, you came to the same conclusion, you and Marcus did not belong together. You should not be his and he should not be yours. But after 12 years by his side, catering to him, caring for him and never once leaving him, you were at a loss for what to do next. You had spent your whole adult life with the man sitting across from you, and although you were no longer in love with him, you had love for him. Of course you had love for him, you had been through life together for so long, it was impossible not to. But worst of all, it was impossible to make a decision relating to the fate of your relationship when your judgement was clouded by insecurity. You were scared of what would happen if you got a divorce, scared of what you would do, where you would go. But how much longer could you live in a loveless marriage? How much longer could you keep up this lie?

As you washed the dishes, Marcus stood next to you, watching you, before he asked, “So,” and just from that one word you knew exactly what was coming, your panic starting to rise, “how was Saturday night? Did you meet someone?”

Taking a deep breath, you prepared to lie to your husband, “I actually just went out for a couple drinks with Carrie, she called and said she had a shitty day at work so I wanted to cheer her up a bit.”

“Oh, baby,” he said in a low voice and you recognised the quick change in his eye, you had seen it countless times over you twelve years together, he wanted to fuck. You wished you could say that you wanted you, but you knew that wasn’t the case, he was just horny and he wanted to fix that. “So you didn't get your fill this weekend, huh?” he said as he walked towards you, turned off the water, grabbed your cheeks in his hands and kissed you. His kiss was soft, but not meaningful. It was gentle, but not affectionate. While he kissed you with excitement and arousal, his lips did not carry one ounce of love to yours, you felt nothing.

Because you felt nothing, Joel was quickly returning to your mind. You remembered the way you felt everything in his touch, in his kiss. It may not have been love, but it was more than what you felt now. His touch was tender, affectionate and meaningful. His kisses were full of interest, passion and lust. And you felt all of it. These thoughts of Joel only made you want to create space from your husband, it felt wrong to kiss him with thoughts of another man clouding your brain. As his hand trailed from your cheek to your breast under your shirt, you knew you couldn’t carry on. You moved his hand away and broke the kiss, whispering, “Not tonight Marc,” You created some distance between you and him as you continued, “I’m sorry, I’m just …I’m so tired.” He said nothing, only looked at you momentarily, turned around and walked away.

When you eventually got to bed, he left for the bathroom and upon his return you had crawled onto your side of the bed and tucked yourself under the covers. He got into the other side of the bed, but if you had not felt the bed dip beside you, you wouldn’t have noticed. He was lying next to you but he didn’t say a word. He was lying next to you but he didn’t pull you close. His lack of affection only made your mind circle back to Joel again, the way he had pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead, Joel’s tender touches extended into the night, his kisses extended past sex and arousal. Eventually, you fell asleep to thoughts of your time with Joel. While your thoughts of Joel were increasing, your guilt was slowly dissipating, you felt as though you couldn't feel guilty for feeling this way, you couldn’t help your feelings, you would just have to take action soon.

—---------------------------

The next day, you woke up to an empty bed, the sheets on the other side crumpled, messy and cold, much like your marriage. Rolling over to face your nightstand, you checked your phone, hoping to get ahead on reading emails before Monday morning. But before you could check your emails, you were taken aback by the top notification on your phone; a text.

The message read: Hey sweetheart, it’s Joel. Can’t stop thinking about you. Can I take you out on Friday night?

You read the message once, twice, three times. Your eyes fixed to your phone, sweeping over the words quickly before scanning them again, already wanting to read the words again, overwhelmed by the fact that you were on his mind, as he was on yours. Sitting up, you wracked your brain for a possible response and felt like a teenager again, not wanting to be too keen, to sound too desperate. Deciding to ignore these thoughts and answer how you wanted to, you sent a simple: Hi Joel, of course! I’ll be free after 6 :)

Fighting the urge to jump up and down and squeal in delight, you get ready for the day ahead. Your morning shower is full of loud, unabashed singing, your morning coffee paired well with contented humming. Your excitement doubled when you received another text from Joel on your lunch break: I’ll pick you up at 7, sweetheart.

And that was the start to your week, your week that was filled with thoughts of Joel and excitement to see him again, to feel him again. The week passed with minimal contact with Marcus, you were like two ships passing in the night, he started going to work earlier in the morning and coming home much later in the night. Most days he wasn’t home when you woke up and he was getting home just as you were going to bed. Truthfully, you had no idea where he was in the evenings, he was home early for the first time on Thursday night and claimed he was, “swamped at work,” but you weren’t sure if you believed him, although it could be your own lies that clouded your judgement of his honesty. That night, he explained that his weekly ‘guys night’ on Friday was at his friend Steve’s, and that he would likely stay over, telling you, “not to wait up.” As if you ever did anymore.

You awoke on Friday morning to an empty bed, again, but that was at the back of your mind. At the forefront of your mind was that night's plans, and Joel. Your day at work passed agonisingly slowly, you could barely concentrate on work with your excitement and apprehension beginning to flutter in your stomach, butterflies filling your chest, turning you into a restless, mind wandering mess. You were practically counting down the minutes until you could leave, and when you finally could you raced to your car, barely saying goodbye to your co-workers before rushing home. After applying light makeup and stressing over your outfit choice for what felt like an hour, you landed on a lilac dress that was tight on your torso and showed off the perfect amount of cleavage, and flowy at the waist, stopping at your mid thigh. Pairing with short, comfortable heels you felt good, genuinely good about yourself. You felt beautiful. Checking the time you exclaim a fuck seeing the numbers 6:58 on your phone, gabbing your purse and walking downstairs to wait for him. His texts throughout the week had been short and casual, with a quick text that morning to confirm that seven was a good time to come and get you. You heard the signature sound of the doorbell ringing before you reached the bottom of the stairs, Joel was right on time. You smiled to yourself at the prospect of Joel being just as eager to see you as you were to see him.

You took a deep breath before opening the door, and almost gasped when you saw

Joel on the other side with a bouquet of beautiful flowers in his hand and a smile on his face. He looked you up and down and let out a whistle, “You look beautiful, darlin’.” Hearing his voice again sent a shiver through your body, and seeing him again rendered you almost stupid, you barely had the brain power to say hello as you looked him up and down. He was wearing black jeans that were a loose fit but still tight where his cock rested. His black shirt was constricting around his shoulders and biceps, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows and showing off his forearms. Your eyes stopped for a few seconds too long on his chest, where the top two buttons of his shirt were undone, allowing his chest hairs to poke out, leading up to his broad shoulders and thick neck that you could lick up and down. You were shaken from your thoughts as he said, “These are for you, wasn’t sure what flowers you liked so I guessed… I hope they’re ok I-”

“These are beautiful, thank you, Joel,” you interrupted, “come in for a second, I’ll put these in some water.” You ushered him inside, grabbing a vase and filling it with water, unsure what you’ll tell Marcus about the flowers. That thought quickly left your mind when you turned to face Joel and thought about the last time you had been given flowers. Marcus had not bought you flowers for years, he had done so in the beginning of your relationship but after he had won you over, he stopped.

“I can’t remember the last time I got some pretty flowers,” you said with a smile, your eyes flicking from the flowers to Joel, who was now walking towards you. He placed his hands on your hips and pulled you towards him, before wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing you slowly. You trailed your hands up his chest and wrapped them around his neck, falling all the way into the kiss, falling all the way into him.

Joel pulled away slightly, his face still only inches from yours.“That’s a damn shame, sweetheart,” he said in his gruff, Texan drawl, “I’ll make sure to keep that vase full from now on.” He pressed his lips to yours once more, and all you smiled against his lips as his hands came up to cup your face gently. Joel was proving to be some sort of an enigma to you, you were completely mystified by his ability to be a sweet, tender man who could get nervous asking to see you again or ramble about being unsure what flowers you liked, but also be rough and demanding, demean you and make you come harder than ever.

Joel kissed your forehead and then your cheek, and whispered in your ear, “we should go,” before gesturing to the front door with his hand, “The reservation’s for 7:30.” He gave your ass a quick tap as you made your way out of the door and to his car. The passenger door was opened and closed for you in true gentlemanly fashion, and Joel ran around the truck to the drivers side before stepping in and starting the drive to the restaurant.

“So, where are we going?” You asked curiously, only now realising you had dressed for the occasion without even knowing where you were going.

“This little Italian place that my brother recommended to me.” He wore a smirk on his face as he spoke, sneaking a glance over at you as he drove.

Joel stopped the car at a red light, “Did he say the food’s good?” You asked and he looked at you properly, his smirk growing into a full grin.

“Oh he didn't say anything about the food,” he said after a chuckle, “just that that’s where he takes all his dates.” You scoffed loudly and Joel laughed, clearly amused by your reaction.

“Well, if that's where he takes all his dates, the food must be pretty good,” you shrugged, earning another chuckle from Joel, the sound almost vibrating in his chest, placing a smile on your face as you watched him expertly manoeuvre the steering wheel, his upper arms tensing, causing his already tight black shirt to look even more constricting around his thick, muscular arms. He reached over to place his hand on your knee, caressing it slightly before moving to your hand and holding it in his.

“How was your week?” He asked as he brought your hand, that was still engulfed in his to his lips, placing a featherlight kiss to your palm, “You been writing at all?”

“Work was fine,” you answered, “just lots of emails, meetings and reading transcripts; the usual.” The fact that he remembered what you had said last weekend about wanting to be a writer warmed your heart, he was proving to be more attentive than your husband already. Not once had Marcus encouraged you to commit to your passions, to go after what you really wanted in life. It made you wonder whether he really knew you, if he knew who you really were. Did he not know you or just not care enough to acknowledge that you were unhappy, that you both were. “I haven’t been writing much, sometimes I’ll jot down some ideas but by the time I get home from work I just wanna eat and sleep,” you shrugged once more, unsure if this was the truth. “How was yours?”

“Mine was alright, just the usual,” he began, “got an apprentice now, real young guy that has no idea what he’s doin’. Which is fine, he’s gotta learn somehow, but he’s almost injured me so many times this week.” He put the car in park and quickly got out of the car, running to your side and opening the door for you, “I’m shocked I have any feet left, with all the heavy shit he’s been droppin’.” You giggled as he held your hand, guiding you down and out of his truck, before walking towards the restaurant side by side.

Joel opened the restaurant door for you, gave the host his name for the reservation and held a chair out for you when you got to the table. “Well aren’t you a gentleman, Mr Miller.” You smiled at him as he took his seat across from you, “I’ve barely lifted a finger since you picked me up.”

The gentleman sent his signature smirk your way and simply said, “That's how it should be with an amazing woman like you,” and you couldn’t help but feel as though that was not only a compliment towards you, but also a dig towards your husband. Either way, you liked it, you had never been treated this way, and you were slowly coming to the realisation that your whole relationship and marriage, you had settled. Settled for less than you deserved, settled for the bare minimum, all because you were attached.

Before you could respond, a waiter was standing next to the table, asking what you wanted to drink. Joel ordered a bottle of wine, looking at you with raised eyebrows when the question of red or white was raised. “White, please,” you smiled at the waiter, flicking your eyes to the man across from you as he walked away with your drink order. “Is white ok with you?”

“Honestly, I’m more of a scotch guy,” he smiled, “but yeah white is good,” he winked at you as the waiter set the wine glasses down and carefully filled them, before placing the bottle in an ice bucket and stepping away from the table. You both took a sip of your wine and smiled at each other, you hummed at the taste of the wine while Joel took a large gulp before setting his glass down again, the stem of the glass disappearing within the confines of his massive hand.

After ordering your food, you decided to ask the question that had been on your mind for a while. “So,” you began, “I noticed all the pictures in your house, who’s the girl? Is she your niece or something?”

“That’s my daughter, Sarah.” He answered after a pregnant pause.

“Oh,” the word left your lips before you could prevent it, sounding more surprised than you hoped. You knew that he was older than you, but he still seemed young to have a non infant daughter.

Clearly taking your surprise as dislike he scrambled to explain, “I wasn’t trying to keep the fact that I got a kid away from ya’, it just never came up and it's been a bit of a mood killer in the past,”

“It’s definitely not a mood killer for me, Joel. I’m sure you're a great dad,” your sincere expression and words brought a smile to his face as he sipped his wine.

“I try my best,” his words were accompanied by a small shrug, as if it was no big deal. Before you could say more, your meal was placed on the table in front of you and you heard Joel's loud exclamation of gratitude for the food that looked amazin’.

—------------------------

Following the delicious food, wine and conversation, Joel paid the bill, only slightly annoyed that you had offered to pay half, before ushering you to the truck with his hand resting lightly on the small of your back. Reaching the truck, Joel pressed you up against the truck, your back flat against it and your chest flush with his, and kissed you roughly. His lips trailed from your lips, to your cheek before kissing your ear.

“Can I bring you home with me, beautiful?” he purred in your ear, his hands wandering your body, completely indifferent to the fact that you were in a public space. You could only hum and nod in response, your lip between your teeth as your eyes fluttered closed, focusing on the feeling of Joel’s wandering hands. He straightened up, now face to face with you and reached up to slowly pull your lip from your teeth with his thumb, holding your eye as he did. He smirked as you looked up at him, doe eyed and curious for what was to come. Not wasting any more time, he opened the door to the truck, joined you in the car and drove.

—--------—------------------

“I want a drink,” he said when you were both out of the car, wrapping his arms around your neck as you walked side by side to his door, pulling you closer to him so he could whisper in your ear, “and I wanna eat your pussy.” He nipped your ear before unwrapping himself from you and unlocking the door, ushering you inside. He instructed you to sit down on the sofa and wait for him while he made a drink. You busied yourself by looking around the living room, the pictures that adorned the walls of Joel, his brother and his daughter, Sarah. She was a beautiful girl, and you made a mental note to ask Joel to tell you about her. You picked up a DVD off the coffee table; Curtis and Viper 2, some action movie you hadn’t heard of. Joel walks back in as you were reading about the movie, holding a drink in each hand.

“I know you like margaritas so I got all the stuff to make em,” he said sheepishly, passing you one of the drinks, “never made em’ before so whether they’ll be good or not is a different story.” He smiled at you as you raised your glass to his, clinking them together and murmuring a cheers before sipping your drink.

“This is good, Joel!” You almost shout, overwhelmed by the fact that he not only remembered your drink of choice, but had gone out of his way to buy the ingredients to make one for you, and it really was a good margarita. The man looked at you with a look of disbelief, his eyebrows raised as he took a swig. “Seriously! I love it, thank you.” He let out a grunt which you assumed translated to, you're welcome, and took a seat next to you.

He gestured to the DVD still in your hand and asked, “Are you snoopin’ through my stuff?”

“Just wanted to see what kind of movies you like,” you giggled at his accusatory tone.

“I haven’t even watched all a’ that one, had to bail my brother out o’ jail halfway through,” the annoyance was clear in his tone, “on my birthday, no less.”

“What did he do?” you asked eagerly, your eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“It was a bar fight,” he explained, “apparently some guy was gettin’ handsy with the waitress so he stepped in and it got out of hand.” He shrugged after explaining, as if he didn’t care why his brother was arrested, just that he had to bail him out on his birthday, half way through the cinematic excellence of Curtis and Viper 2.

“So your brother’s a knight in shining armour, is what you're saying?” You asked teasingly, subtly moving closer towards him.

“Enough about my brother,” he smirked, knocking back the rest of his drink before continuing, “now that I’ve had my drink, I want a taste of you,” he said before kissing you, swallowing the gasp you released. He pulled away, asked if you were comfortable and reassured you that you could stop at any time, before continuing his invasion of your lips.

Joel was quickly stepping into his second persona as his desire grew, he was kissing you roughly, taking off your clothes and ordering you around. He stood up and, looking down at you said, “hands and knees.”

And then you found yourself in a compromising position with your clothes long forgotten. Your knees were on the sofa, your elbows resting on the back with your back arched, ass in the air as a fully clothed Joel massaged your cheeks, groaning at the view of your soaked centre as he pulled them apart, spreading you open.

He gives a light slap to your ass, and upon hearing your low moan he slaps the other side, a little bit harder this time. He kept going until your breath was shaky and you were letting out quiet whimpers at every slap, you were so needy you were ready to beg him to touch you where you needed him most. You let out a desperate, “Please,” and looked over your shoulder at Joel, whose eyes were glued to your glistening pussy.

“You want me to touch you, sweetheart?” He looked into your eyes and smirked, they told him that he had you exactly where he wanted you, needy and desperate for his touch.

“Please touch me, Joel,” you begged, breathless and impatient, wishing that Joel would give up the teasing and make your legs shake instead. He didn’t speak, but swiped a lonely finger up your slit, exploring your folds only for a few seconds, taking in your grateful sounds before removing his finger and going back to spanking you, hard. You could do nothing but let out surprised yelps following each sporadic slap, enjoying the sting of his palm on your skin, your wetness now dripping, spreading to your inner thighs. “Joel, please,” you begged again, feeling as though you were praying to a higher power for just a crumb, a morsel more of Joel, “I need it.”

“Oh, you need it, baby?” He asked innocently, clearly trying to rile you up as much as possible, wanting you to be completely desperate for his touch. You looked at him over your shoulder and nodded, your brows knitted together in frustration. “Words, sweetheart,” he said, “tell me how much you need it.”

“I need it Joel. I need it,” you said, begging urgently now, craving his touch, “need it so bad Joel, please touch me, I’ll do anything.”

Joel hummed while trailing his thumb through your folds before circling your clit slowly, earning a long moan from you, finally appeased after what felt like hours of teasing. To your frustration and disappointment, his thumb left your clit before you could even get close to coming, and trailed upwards, before sinking knuckle deep inside of you. You whimpered, loving that even his thumb stretched you out. He thrusted his thumb in and out of you once, twice before removing it and trailing it upwards, stopping at your other hole and gently circling it, his touch feather light and barely there. You gasped in surprise and the circling stopped immediately. “Is this ok?” he asked quietly, his voice reassuring and you knew that if you said no, he would immediately back down and wouldn’t pressure you into anything. While you had never indulged in ass play, your stomach flipped and your pussy fluttered with a delicious feeling of anticipation while your lips let out a hushed yes.

“Look at me when you talk to me,” he said, his voice a low growl which only made you wetter.

You turned around, looked him right in the eye and spoke in the most confident voice you could muster, “I want your thumb in my ass, Joel.”

“Oh, fuck,” he groaned at your response, the circling of your puckered hole resuming immediately, his eyes flicking back and forth from your face to where his thumb was caressing. His eyes found a home on your face when you let out a sigh at his touch, “You’re so beautiful, sweetheart,” he brought another thumb to your clit, circling it in time with the circles on your tighter hole, making your eyes flutter closed, “so, so beautiful.”

His sweet words made your heart squeeze and your cunt flutter. How could he be so impossibly sweet at a moment so dirty? How could he have such a tight grasp on your heart in such little time? His ministrations were hurling you towards the edge, he had you gasping for breath and releasing throaty whines, all while looking back at him, looking straight at you. Until he stopped circling your clit and removing his thumb from your pussy, his other thumb was still working your ass. You were prepared to beg once more, but you clamped your mouth shut before the words could leave your lips as his tongue left fast kitten licks on your clit.

“Oh, Joel,” you moaned as he sucked your clit into his mouth and pushed his thumb into your ass slowly, the delicious stretch mixed with his mouth encasing your clit had you running towards the cliff edge, wanting nothing more than to fall off. His tongue flicked your clit as he sucked, his thumb now thrusting in and out of your hole, and you could no longer contain yourself. Your legs were shaking, your head fell forwards to rest on the back of the couch, no longer able to hold it up. Your mouth was open, loud moans and whines leaving your lips, the noise surrounding you in the air, joining the obscene noise of his mouth on your cunt, mixed with his throaty groans. As you came down, Joel removed his thumb, leaving you empty, before going back to leaving feather light kitten licks on your clit, until your hips were lifting away from his mouth, completely overstimulated. He chuckled, leaving open mouth kisses on the backs of your thighs, before getting on his feet and trailing more open mouthed kisses up your back, gathering your hair and pulling you up with it so your back was flush to his chest, landing a passionate kiss on your lips.

He broke the kiss but didn’t fully pull away, his lips were still only a breath away from yours. “I want your cock in my mouth,” you said against his lips, reaching your hand down to grab his hard cock from underneath his jeans, squeezing lightly, making Joel groan into your mouth. The resolve he had held so far was breaking down, the cards he held close to his chest being shown as he started grinding his cock into your hand, clearly just as desperate for your touch as you were for his.

Joel picked up a pillow from the couch and placed it on the floor next to his feet before helping you up and off the couch and to your knees on the pillow. Now looking up at him, you watched as his thick fingers removed the button of his jeans and undid the zipper agonisingly slowly. You were craving the heavy weight of him on your tongue, craving his taste, craving his low groans. As he stepped out of his jeans and boxers, you looked up at him, his cock heavy between his legs and begging for your attention, begging for your touch. Reaching up, you held it at the base, making Joel hiss at your sudden touch. You reached your other hand up to his torso, touching his soft tummy underneath his shirt. “Take this off,” you whispered, “I want to see all of you.”

He quickly obeyed your request, taking off his shirt and granting you the beautiful view of Joel Miller in his glorious, naked form. He looked down at you, grabbed the base of himself, tapped his tip against your lips and said, “Open up, sweetheart,” with a smirk playing on his lips. You encased your mouth around the tip and sucked lightly, swirling your tongue around the tip at the same time, revelling in the sight of Joel’s head falling back and the appreciative grunts leaving his mouth. You gripped him at the base and squeezed, before quickly stroking what you didn't have in your mouth. “Fuck, sweetheart,” he said, his voice almost as low as a whisper, but still deep and sultry, “your mouth feels so good.” His praise made you want to take more into your mouth, to go faster, harder, whatever he needed to get there. You looked up at him to find him looking down at you as you worked him over, and he smiled before asking, “You think you can take all of me baby?” His voice made your pussy throb, and you realised that he could say anything to you, tell you to do anything in that voice and you would do it happily. You took him further into your mouth, trying your best to breathe through your nose and stop yourself from gagging. This effort was fruitless as Joel groaned and thrust his hips, his cock pushing into your throat and making you gag around his length, “Fuck, I’m sorry darlin,” he looked down at you apologetically.

Spit was falling from the corners of your mouth as you responded, gasping for breath. “Keep going, Joel.” He looked at you with his eyebrows raised as if to say are you sure, but you had already taken him back into your mouth, garbling what was meant to sound like I’m sure.

He groaned again and moved the strands of hair that fell in front of your face, gathering your hair again and holding it softly before fucking his cock into your mouth. “That’s it, atta girl,” he muttered in his low drawl, his eyes rolling back once more before landing on you again. “You look fucking beautiful with your mouth stuffed full o’ me, baby,” you were a slobbering, gagging mess, your mouth stretched wide around his cock, spit dribbling from the corners of your mouth, it was dirty, and messy and you couldn’t help but moan around his cock. Joel groaned at the sensation, muttering a, “good fucking girl,” under his breath before lifting your mouth off of his cock. “You’re gonna make me come if you keep doing that, sweetheart.” You looked up at him as if to say that's the point. “I wanna come in your pussy, not your mouth,” he responded to your wordless rebuttal, pulling you into a standing position by your elbows before gripping the backs of your knees with one hand and lifting you into his arms, carrying you bridal style up the stairs. You were a giggling mess the whole way up to his bedroom, unbelievably turned on by his strength and ability to navigate his way up the stairs while kissing you the whole way, with only one or two bumps on the way.

He threw you onto the bed and swiftly turned you over so that you were lying on your stomach. “Hands and knees, baby,” he demanded, one that you obeyed in a heartbeat, arching your back and looking at him over your shoulder. He rolled a condom over his length and gathered the wetness from your cunt, lathering it over his cock before slapping his tip against your clit, making you jolt and moan in surprise. You opened your mouth to tell him to just put it in already, but a breathy moan left your mouth instead, as he pushed all the way inside of you in one, smooth thrust. With his hips flush to your backside, he groaned out your name, “you're so tight,” as he pulled all the way out, before thrusting all the way back in again, “so fuckin’ good.”

You moaned loudly, feeling every inch of him, every ridge and vein of his cock against your inner walls was amazing, but you needed more. You needed him fast and hard, you needed him in an animalistic way, in a way that you're sure you had never needed anyone else. “Please, Joel,” you whined while looking back at him, “I need more, I need it harder.” Giving into your whining, the man chuckled and sped up the pace of his thrusts, fucking you in earnest with his hands on your hips.

“Is your lil’ hubby not fucking you right, sweetheart?” He growled out after a particularly hard thrust and you couldn’t help but moan at his filthy words. It turned you on that he said it, it turned you on even more that he was right. “Is that why you come to me, soaked through your panties?” His words made your walls tighten around his length involuntarily, his words were filthy and salacious. His words were also true and incredibly sexy. “Answer me,” his demand was accompanied by a hazard slap on your ass. The only answer you could give through the speed and depth of his thrusts was a loud, strained chant of yes yes yes. He bent over until his back was flush to your chest, pulled your face towards him and kissed you messily, before placing his middle finger in front of your lips and instructing you to “suck, baby.” You took his finger into your mouth, sucking on it as he told you to. You heard a whispered, “atta girl,” in your ear, the loss of his finger in your mouth quickly following the words as he straightened up, speeding up his thrusts again. You soon felt the now familiar finger of his finger circling your puckered hole, letting out a low, animalistic moan as he began to slowly push it in, revelling in the stretch of his finger in your ass. You felt so incredibly full, and it was a delicious fullness, you never wanted to be emptied of this fullness. His finger was now settled fully inside you, and your groan mixed with Joel’s, “I wish you could see what you look like right now, baby,” he muttered, his voice sounding almost like a whimper, “my filthy fuckin’ slut.”

You were sobbing and moaning, eyes watering from the intensity of your impending orgasm, unsure if your body was made to take this much pleasure at once. Deciding it definitely wasn’t, you try your best to speak. “I can’t take it Joel,” the words come out in a cry as Joel begins quickly rubbing tight circles into your clit, the finger in your ass now thrusting in and out at a fast pace. He knew you were close, and he was determined to get you there.

“Oh, yes you can, baby. Look at you, you're taking it so good,” he praised, his breathy voice making you drip. “C’mon, be my good girl and take it all,” he could tell that his filthy words were having an effect on you, your pussy closing in on his cock when he called you his good girl.

You came with a long cry, your arms no longer being able to handle the weight of your body, your front collapsing on the bed, your cheek hitting the mattress as he continued using both of your holes mercilessly, his fingers not stopping their attack on your clit.

Feeling you clench around him, he grew closer and closer to coming and started babbling incessantly, “that’s it baby, that's all you gotta do, just take what I give you.”

No longer able to hold off his orgasm he came with a low grunt, his hips smacking into even harder than before as he rode out his high, still praising you filthily, “my good little slut, you take it so good.” He gave a few shallow thrusts before pulling out, making you whimper at the loss, now feeling empty. Joel threw away the condom, gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead and disappeared to the bathroom.

Hearing his footsteps returning, you rolled onto your back. Joel softly spread your legs,

wiped your centre and inner thighs with a warm rag and, lying beside you, pulled you so close you could hear his heart beating. “So,” you began, unsure if you should bring this up, thinking that if he wanted to talk about it he would have now. Deciding to ask anyway, you continue, “is Sarah’s mom in the picture, or….” you trailed off, unsure how to finish that question. Regretting the question as soon as it left your mouth, you quickly added, “It’s ok if that's something you don’t want to talk about…. I’m just,” you trailed off again, worrying you’d crossed a line with your questioning.

It was silent for a minute or so, save for Joel’s steady heartbeat in your ear from where your head rested on his chest, and Joel’s sigh as he traced circles on your shoulder with his fingertips. “She left when Sarah was a few months old….Just took all her stuff, left me a note and I never saw her again.” His voice was as steady as always, it was such a horrible thing to experience yet his voice held no pain, as if the pain had once consumed him so fully he never had the capacity to feel it again.

“I’m so sorry she did that, Joel, I hope she’s sorry too.” This was the only thing you could think to say in the moment, but then again, what else was there to say?

“If she knew anything about Sarah, she’d be pissed she spent the last fourteen years away from her,” his smile grew as he mentioned his daughter, “she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. It was hard, you know, being eighteen and a single dad but I got help from my brother. Wouldn’t change anything now.” The smile that inhabited his face when he spoke of his daughter was infectious, you had never met her, but you felt it would be a privilege to, merely based on Joel’s smile.

“Can you tell me about her?” You asked, no longer feeling there were any boundaries or lines to cross between the two of you, and you were glad, because you wanted to know everything about him. Seeing him again and hearing him open up to you only deepened your interest, you felt a connection that you could barely explain.

Joel turned his head to look at you and shifted slightly, so he was facing you properly, “She’s um, she’s smart as hell. Always readin’, you two would probably get along with your books and stuff,' you interrupted him with a chuckle, delighting in the fact that you meeting his daughter crossed his mind, no matter how fleeting the thought. “She loves soccer and she's really good at it too. She's funny, always making jokes about my age and my back….. Sorry I'm rambling,” he trailed off, his cheeks growing red as you looked at him with a wide, toothy smile. Seeing this side of him, the side of him that was a caring, devoted father was new to you and you and you liked it, more than you felt you should.

“You're not rambling, it’s sweet. I like listening to you,” it crossed your mind that you never learned his age, and so you asked with a curious tone, “how old are you exactly?” with a teasing smile. He responds with a smirk and a low chuckle, “Thirty four, darlin’. Why? That too old for ya’?” It was his turn to throw you a teasing smile as you shook your head, “And you?”.

You smiled, “Twenty nine.” he nodded, his fingertips tracing a trail down your arm from your shoulder, passed your forearms and down to your hand before interlocking your fingers with his. It made you smile, this show of physical touch, it made your heart race as you looked between your hand in his and his face, still looking at yours. While looking at his hand your eyes trailed down to his wrist and noticed that the band of his watch was escaping the buckle. With the hand that wasn’t being swallowed by his massive one, you fed the band of the watch through the buckle properly, ensuring it was tight enough to avoid falling from his wrist.

“And you know, she fixed me this watch for my birthday,” he nodded his head towards the watch, “sure, she stole the money out of my drawer to fix it but she knew I wouldn’t do it myself. She’s like that, she’s thoughtful and kind, even if I’m always busy with work and ….not as present as I should be.” His eyes saddened as he finished speaking, his voice straining slightly. It was hard seeing a man who had fathered a child with no help from the mother for the last fourteen years, work full time to provide for her and still feel bad about his parenting skills. His love for her shone through his words like sunlight beams through blinds and his fear of shortcomings was only another piece of evidence of his love for his daughter.

“You provide for her, you care for her and you love her, Joel,” you said while moving your hand up to cup his cheek, forcing him to look into your eyes as you tried your best to reassure him that he did enough. “I’m sure Sarah appreciates everything you do for her.”

Joel said nothing, he only held his hand up to your cheek and kissed you, a soft, meaningful kiss. A kiss that said thank you, and expressed all the emotions he felt but didn’t think he could speak. The room was silent for a while after that, you both did nothing other than hold each other close, steal kisses in the moonlit room and savour each other's innocent touches.

The silence was eventually broken by a quiet question, “Are you happy?” You had no idea where his question had come from, or what he meant by it.

“What do you mean?”

“With him. Does he make you happy?” You felt almost paralysed with shock at his question. Although you knew the answer to his question, hearing it from Joel made you unsure how to answer. Of course you weren’t happy with him, if you were you wouldn’t be here right now, in Joel’s house, in Joel’s bed, in Joel’s arms. But you had always heard that it wasn’t that simple, that marriage was full of ups and downs, that it took work, that you wouldn’t always be happy.

“It’s not that simple, Joel,” you said while averting your eyes from his, looking down, not wanting to see his face when he realised you were staying in a marriage you weren’t happy in.

“So you're not happy with him?” He did not sound accusatory or judgemental, only empathetic, and you were unsure which one you would have preferred. You didn't answer, you couldn't answer him. You only looked at him, and he held your gaze, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest. Your heart melted at his attempt to comfort you, an attempt that was successful as soon as you were enveloped into his warm embrace.

“You deserve better than that, deserve better than to be unhappy,” he muttered into your ear while stroking your back softly. It had been so long since you had felt this kind of warmth and affection, since you’d felt this comfortable and safe.

“I know, but I’m scared,” you admitted, your voice quiet and trembling as he listened intently. It surprised you how comfortable you felt with Joel, you barely knew him, and yet you felt comfortable bearing your true, innermost thoughts and feelings to him. Your marriage problems were a subject you hadn’t fully revealed to anyone, not even your closest friends, yet here you were, practically bearing your soul to Joel, the man you only met a week ago, and hoping your naked, true form wouldn’t scare him away.

“We’ve been together for twelve years, Joel. I might not be happy anymore, I might not even love him anymore but my whole adult life has centred around him.” You expelled a sigh before continuing, “The thought of being alone for the first time in twelve years is terrifying and…I’m just not sure if I can do it.”

“Being alone is scary, but would you rather be alone and happy, or miserable with him for the rest o’ your life?” He kissed your cheek before continuing, “Besides, you’re not totally alone without him, you know that right?” His words were enough to bring tears to your eyes, your cheeks quickly wetting with the streams of your teardrops running down them. Joel kissed them away, pulling you closer, though it didn't feel possible before.

“I kind of have a …. confession,” you hesitated, you wanted to tell him the whole truth of the situation but you were worried about his reaction, worried he would pull away from you. His look of confusion only added to your apprehension. “I haven’t been completely honest about the agreement I have with my husband.” He craned his neck further from you, allowing him to look at you head on as you spoke. “I can sleep with other men but we have rules too, and I've broken the rules with you.”

“What are the rules?” He asked with his brows furrowed, patiently awaiting an answer.

“I can’t stay over after sex, I can’t sleep with the same guy more than once, and I can’t do it behind his back,” you stated, unconsciously avoiding his eye, “I’m meant to tell him everytime I see someone, but I didn’t tell him about tonight. I didn’t even tell him about the last time.”

“Why not?” The furrow in his brow had not relaxed, you couldn’t tell if he was confused or angry, his face concealed the exact emotion he felt.

“I didn’t want to tell him that I’d had the best sex of my life while he was on a work trip.” Your explanation caused the return of his smirk, but only momentarily.

“So, is that why you saw me again? Because of the sex?” His voice was small, he sounded shy as he asked the question, the question you had wanted to ask him.

“No,” you said quickly, “not just the sex.”

“So why break the rules for me?” His question was a loaded one, a gun full of bullets, and your answer would pull the trigger.

“You’re different,” you tried to explain, “I’m not sure I've ever felt so connected to somebody in such little time. I’d be an idiot not to see you again.”

Joel smiled and kissed your cheek, “I like that answer,” was the only response he gave to your explanation before murmuring a quick goodnight and closing his eyes, effectively ending the conversation and leaving you completely bewildered. You had pulled the trigger and he had dodged the bullet.

—--------------------------

The next morning, you left Joel’s house in a hurry, you politely refused his offers of coffee, breakfast and a ride home, claiming you had things to do and needed to go. Your confusion had kept you awake until late last night, your wandering mind refused to rest. Your confession had changed everything and you felt like an idiot. Of course he didn't say he felt the same way! This is only the second time you’ve met the guy and you’re already talking about how strong of a connection you feel.

On your way home, you couldn’t help but try and pinpoint exactly what you felt for Joel. You knew it wasn’t just sexual, although the sexual connection was certainly alive and well, you felt more than that for him. You had feelings for him, although you were unsure what the feelings were, the presence of feelings was undeniable, for you, at least. Joel’s response last night made you feel as though he was only looking for sex from you, despite his actions saying differently. You were so taken aback that he had opened up to you last night, and closed off not long after. “I like that answer,” didn’t confirm if he felt the same way and you were sure that if he did feel the same way he would have said so. You thought that you shared an unexplainable connection, currents running between you, drawing you together. But now, you were unable to resist the voice in your head that told you it wasn’t like that for him, that to Joel you were nothing but a fuck, or that he liked thought of fucking someone else’s wife. Maybe he saw you as a trophy on a shelf, the unhappy, married woman.

Thank you so much for reading!!

Read part 3 here

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@untamedheart81 @smol-beb @harriedandharassed @southernbe

@urfknlame @sheepdogchick3 @csarab615 @janellesbody

#pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel tlou #joel miller #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #Joel x reader smut #Joel x reader fluff #Joel Miller fluff #pre outbreak!joel #no outbreak!joel miller #joel miller x reader smut #joel tlou hbo #joel tlou smut #joel miller tlou x reader

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artists-ally · 7 months

Text

{Flatline} Harvey Specter x OFC {Pt.2}

Helllloooooooo. This is probably the filthiest thing I've written in a long time so I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. As I've been writing this part, I've tortured @rosedpetal to no end with a few teasers and I cannot wait for her reaction. As always, if anyone wants to be tagged in the next part lmk in the comments!!! I love seeing your guys' reactions it makes my day. enjoy loves <3 p.s. this is my birthday gift to you guys (even though it was two days ago it still counts)

Pt. 1 Character Playlist

Word count: 13,156 (holy shit)

Warnings: age gap, smut (18+), degration, exhibitionism, dom/sub vibes, language, anxiety/anxious thoughts, angst, a touch of fluff, more inaccurate lawyer shit

Summary: After Claudia and Harvey win their first case, the week and a half that follows is filled with more of Harvey's 'confidence boosters' and valuable lessons ;). But when they hit a snag in the case, Harvey can't keep the one promise he made to Claudia.

Tagging: @rosedpetal @maxdamax @ashcosmo

~~~~~

When I woke up the morning after, I didn’t know what to think. And I surely didn’t know what to do the next day. Or the day after that. Even a week later, mostly consumed with thoughts of Harvey and how to avoid him, I couldn’t shake the feeling that what we were doing was wrong.

I mean, in ways it was. For starters, he was a name partner and I was a first year associate. He was at least ten years older than I was. Probably more. What would my parents think? My brothers?

Hell, what do I think?

It’s no secret that Harvey is a good looking guy; his sharp jaw, his cunning eyes and fierce smirk that always appeared whenever our eyes would meet. Just because I said I tried to avoid him, doesn’t mean my evasions worked. Nine times out of ten it always fails. Miserably.

By the time the elevator chimed, the doors whisked open and I immediately looked to his office. Good, he wasn’t there. He always seemed to be waiting for me in his office, just watching. It was like he was stalking his prey. Which, in a way, always sent my skin burning and my mind running. Running right back to his tongue on mine, his hand in my hair… my hand wrapped around-

“Good morning, Claudia,” Donna’s perky voice nearly sent me to the hospital. She was already sitting in my cubicle. When did I end up in the bullpen?

“Jesus, don’t you know how to not give a girl a heart attack?”

She chuckled, “I like to start every day off with a surprise.” In her hand was another blue file. Labeled Friddle vs. Gustoson. It was a corporate case, something about some patent being violated and a stolen technology design.

“What is this for?”

“Harvey wants to work with you on another case. He has not shut up about how well you did on the last one and knows you’ll bring this home too,” she was grinning. A look that meant trouble.

“Is that… all he’s talked about?” I had to be cautious. If she knew about what happened, I knew she’d tell me. But if she didn’t I certainly didn’t want her to find out.

“I mean, he raved about that cross examination you gave. And about how nervous you were, but that he’s gonna keep working with you to help build that up because we all know you are the best damn associate this firm has to offer.”

Holy shit she didn’t know. She had no idea. Keep it cool, Claudia, don’t let your face give it all away.

“Oh,” I tried not to sigh in relief. “Yeah I was shitting bricks before the trial. But I did it, I guess.”

“You’re goddamn right you did,” she stood up, taking my hands in hers. “And you’re gonna kick ass again. And, since I know Harvey won’t say it to you, I’m proud of you. Good work, Claudia. Keep it up and Junior partner might be here sooner than you think.”

Donna’s ginger hair swayed back and forth as she waltzed away. That was a perfect way to describe her walk, a dance. I should learn how to walk like that.

I sat, firing up my computer and sorting through the motions and other filing work on my desk. It seemed like this part of the job never ended. We had to single-handedly be the reason twenty percent of the Amazon was gone.

Other associates around me were gathered at Griffin's desk, chatting about whatever they did over the weekend. I had never, not once, been invited out for drinks or to lunch by any of the associates. Not that I expected to be, I never really made an effort. Not that I wanted to befriend any of these assholes.

After I won the case, instead of congratulating me on keeping Harvey’s client with the firm and sending the losers running with their tail between their legs, all I got were dirty looks and hushed whispers behind closed doors.

It made me feel nauseous. What if they knew? What if they found out about Harvey and I’s… whatever it was, and were spreading it through the office? Soon it would reach him. And if Harvey hear rumors then Donna would, and then Louis and Jessica and god knows who else-

“Griffin, Harvey wants to see you in his office,” Donna’s voice rang through the bullpen. Him and his group of dogs were not shy with the looks they gave me. My heart sank in my chest. At the same time I was relieved that it wasn’t me; at least then I wouldn’t have to deal with the hateful, resentful looks. Those were even worse than the ones of triumph.

I occupied my ever anxious mind by burying my nose in the legal book next to my keyboard, highlighting rapidly to find the errors of some of the other associates' mistakes. Louis always had me check the others' work. He knew– either because Donna vouched for me, or he just saw that I was half competent– that I wouldn’t let careless mistakes slip through. So I always got them.

Lucky me.

From grammatical errors to punctuation, it was endless. I wasn’t sure who this was, but they clearly have never taken an English class because they used ‘affect’ wrong. It needed to be ‘effect’. Within the same brief, they used ‘to’ instead of ‘too’, and ‘accept’ instead of ‘except’. I wanted to find whoever this was and smack them across the face because this was completely unacceptable for a Harvard graduate.

I mean, how does one spend well over a hundred thousand dollars and not know the difference between their, there, and they’re? It pisses me off. If Louis ever saw these things before they were edited he’d have a coronary.

A hand slammed down on my desk. I jumped halfway out of my skin and bit down on the cap of the highlighter, hard enough to have it crack and pinch my tongue.

“Harvey wanted you instead,” Griffin bit out. His face was twisted and contorted. Obviously pissed.

Why did he want me?

I scrambled a little, careful to put all my papers away so we wouldn’t have another incident like I did with my first case. And I made sure to bring it with me this time, basically implanted it in my hand, just to be safe.

“Mr. Specter, you wanted to see me?” He was looking out the window at the view below. Sometimes it made me lightheaded to think about how high up we were. I’ve never been good with heights.

“Yes, I did.”

“Can I ask why you called Griffin in first instead of just coming to me?”

Harvey turned around, fussing with his cufflink before sitting down on the corner of his desk. “I just thought you’d like to have the satisfaction of Griffin being turned away.”

I blinked, “Satisfaction? I don’t understand, you did that on purpose?”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Harvey’s smirk was evil.

“Why?” I still didn’t get it. Why bring Griffin in and then tell him ‘sorry, I actually meant the first year, not you’. It seemed kind of pointless when he could’ve just… “Oh…”

“Now you understand?”

“You wanted Griffin to know that he is still not the first choice, and that that first choice is me.” “It has been, and it will continue to be. If he can’t see that, then I’ll make him,” Harvey stood, coming to stand in front of me. Almost too close; we were not in the safety of an empty office, I couldn’t let him get too close.

“Why not just come to the bullpen and do it yourself?”

“Because,” he squared his shoulders, “I wanted to knock him down a peg. When I call someone into my office, or have Donna do it, it means I need them for something. I just wanted Griffin to tell you that I needed you for the sole reason of getting under his skin.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Mr. Specter-” “Harvey.” He corrected.

I swallowed. “Harvey, I appreciate it. Well, in theory I do, but that is besides the point. Ever since we won-”

“You won,” he corrected again. I see what he’s doing.

“I won,” I huffed, “ever since, I have had a target on my back. People are whispering about me and I don’t need you to escalate the situation. Especially with someone who already hates me.”

Harvey cast his eyes away from mine. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put unnecessary pressure on your shoulders.”

My lips pressed in a line, arms crossing over my chest. I knew what this would do, what it would look like from outside eyes: that Harvey was doing me a favor. Giving me special treatment. In a way I guess he was, but it was because I earned it. Right? I had earned this? My place by his side as an associate? Not by his side, at his side. I worked with Harvey side-by-side. And you’re goddamn right I earned it.

Maybe Harvey’s weird Jedi mind tricks are working. As weird as they are.

“You’ve got that look in your eye,” Harvey spoke softly.

“What look?” He smiled, “The one where you’re having some internal conflict. Battling it out in your head like Rocky and Apollo, two greats against each other. Claudia, you’re doing great here. And I know you believe it, but you’ve gotta learn to not spiral out of control when something comes up. You can handle it.”

He’s right, Harvey’s always right. Most of the time.

I followed his eyes to the corner of my mouth. He furrowed his brows, bringing his hand up. His thumb brushed against my skin and I froze. Spine cemented in place. What is he doing? Doesn’t he know how many people could be-

“Just some highlighter,” he reassured. I must’ve missed the cap once or twice. “Have you had a chance to look at the case?”

My brain was half melted. “Sort of, I glanced at it when Donna gave it to me. Seem’s… ballsy.”

“It certainly isn’t gonna be a walk-off,” he sighed. “Which is why I want you to come with me to the meeting with Jay Friddle. He wants to settle with Gustoson.”

“And you don’t want him to?”

“You’re goddamn right I don’t,” Harvey snapped. Not really at me, but at me. I couldn’t help the flinch, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. “Sorry. No, I don’t want him to settle. I think there is some shady shit going on, and I think he’s being framed. I’ve known Jay for five years and I know he didn’t steal their design. Whoever is behind this set him up and made this whole thing look like his fault.”

“When is the meeting?”

“Later today, two-forty.”

“Okay, give me some time to review and do some research on the employees. If he’s being framed, maybe it was an inside job. There could be someone who is from Gustoson’s posing as a loyal employee, or maybe someone cut a deal with them for a pretty penny.”

Harvey gave a firm nod, and I turned to leave. His hand wrapped around my arm and kept me from going.

“That’s my girl,” he moved a piece of my hair from my forehead. “Always so eager to get to work.”

“Harvey,” I warned. “N-Not here.”

“No one is watching.” “How can you be so sure?” I felt that tingling feeling prick my fingers. The kind of numbness you get when something unexplainable happens and you’re not sure if it’s real. Or when your life flashes before your eyes.

“Look around?”

I gently turned away from his touch, looking around at the weirdly empty office. All those around were occupied, engaged in conversation and not paying attention. Even Donna was nowhere to be found.

“I can see that our first… session,” he decided on. His front was pressed close to my back, lips right against the shell of my ear. “Has started to work. You took precedent and responsibility without a second thought. But, you were still wary when I called you in here. I think I need to weed it out of you. Give you something to be in control of.”

A single finger trailed the length of my spine. I could barely breathe. My body, which was not helping me in any way, leaned back into him.

“How about this, while you’re doing your research, you think of what you want. Of how I can please you, of how you can take control of me. Then whenever we get back, meet me in the file room on the fiftieth floor. How does that sound, sweetheart?”

He was a twisted son of a bitch, that's for sure.

“Yeah,” I nearly choked on my own tongue when his hand wrapped around the back of my neck. “Yeah I’ll think about it, Harvey.”

“Good girl, Claudia.”

_____

Focus? What was that? How does one simply focus after they’re told they’re gonna have their deepest fantasies lived out in just a few hours? All I could do was think about Harvey between my legs. His fingers wrapped around my neck.

Of course I knew what I’d ask him to do, but physically saying the words out loud was a whole other thing. That’s what I'm not sure I can do. And I know he’ll make me say it before he’ll even think about giving me what I want.

God damn Harvey Specter.

At first it had been anxiety that consumed me about him; wondering when he was gonna pop by and request, demanding rather, that I help him with something. But now it was different. I craved him. His mouth on mine, his scent. Harvey always smelled so good. It was calm and didn’t give me a headache like most of them do. Definitely not a cedar or pine or some other woodsy bullshit. Mellow is a great way to put it.

His hands certainly won’t be mellow when they’re working in and out of- okay Claudia that’s enough. My computer is spinning spinning spinning in circles as I wait for some files to be uploaded.

When Harvey had me leave his office, not without pressing his obvious need into my ass, I went straight to looking into those employees. About four hours of searching through employee records and cross checking them with ex-employees of Gustosons. Most of them were clean, a few that had a past, but nothing in relation to what we needed.

That was until I stumbled across one of the hiring managers. His name was Nelson and he seemed like a grade A asshole. He had worked with Gustoson for ten years before leaving and making his way to our client. And he brought over some of the IT department.

Bingo.

“Hey Claudia, Harvey wants to know if you’re ready to go for the meeting?” Donna paused by my desk.

“Yes, I just need to run to the printer and then I will be right in,” I smiled up at her, tucking my file under my arm and grabbing my keys. “Tell him I’ll be right there.”

She hummed and waltzed off. If I had been alone in the bullpen I’d one hundred percent be trying to copy her movements. I mean, how was it possible that she moved so smoothly in a pair of stilettos? I could barely walk in a straight line with flats or a wedge.

Donna was mind blowing. Donna was Donna.

By the time I made it to the printer, my papers were there and I just skimmed over them just to make sure I wasn’t taking anyone else's. I had done that before; one of the first weeks I had been working here. I sent my papers to a printer three floors below ours and accidentally grabbed another associate’s. I was mortified, but the girl, Kathrine Bennett? Kaitlyn? Something like that, but she was really nice. She had done the same thing once. I think she got fired and was now at a rival firm. A shame, I wish I got the chance to know her.

This might seem kind of weird, but I oddly loved the feeling of freshly printed paper. It was always kind of warm and had this very light scent. And it was smooth and easy to flip through. One of those things that brings me a little bit of joy in this hellscape.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I damn near buckled to the floor. Harvey’s voice was right against the back of my neck, and the presence around me suddenly felt all too warm.

“Jesus Harvey,” I chuckled, trying not to let my fingers tremble. “Maybe don’t sneak up behind me like that?” “I said your name, but you obviously didn’t hear me.”

No. I didn’t. But I did feel his hand slip up the back of my thigh. I went motionless. My breath came out in stutters as he dragged it across my ass, up and around my hip, palm flat against the space right below my belly button. Harvey pulled me back into him, his earlier arousal still there.

Had it gone away at all? Or did he walk in here just now and get another? No, that couldn’t be. I mean, it wasn’t like I was trying to get a reaction out of him or anything.

“Harvey I-”

“I locked the door.”

That settled me instantly. I let my hand find the back of his head, letting his lips brush over my neck and shoulder. “Seems like you’re the one who couldn’t wait.”

“Not when you look like that, no. I can’t resist you when you taunt me like this. With a skirt this short, those buttons undone a few more than they had been earlier.”

“I was just hot,” I explained.

“Oh trust me, I know how hot you are.” Harvey must’ve seen my eye roll at his terrible joke. “You’re right, I couldn’t wait until after our meeting. I needed to have something to hold me over.”

His hands crept around to my chest, fingers ever so gentle as they skimmed over my shirt. As if Harvey’s hands commanded my will, there was nothing I could do to keep from sighing out when he pinched my nipples. It forced me to arch back into him.

“You’re sensitive, aren’t you? That is very good to know. Where else are you so sensitive? Here?” He kissed right below my ear, then nipped at it. Another spine bending shudder. God damn that laugh of his. “What about here, hmm?” He tugged up the edge of my skirt, toying with the waistband of my underwear, letting it snap back against my skin. “Aww, look at how much you want me to touch you. You’re a writhing mess aren’t you?”

“Harvey,” I pleaded.

“Harvey what?”

That son of a bitch. I knew he was going to do it and yet I still wasn’t prepared.

“Harvey, we're gonna be late for the meeting.”

“It’s at three.”

He turned me around, hand on my neck, so fast I almost went dizzy. He backed me up against the wall and had this devious look on his face. Harvey crushed his mouth to mine and wasted no time sweeping his tongue into my mouth.

I sure as hell wasn’t going to stop him. He was such a good kisser, so dominant and reactive to my endless noises. And he was really good at pulling them from me.

Harvey lifted under my thighs and pushed my skirt back in the same motion, planting me against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist. It was hard to remember what happened next, but he was quick to pluck open a few more buttons of my shirt and pull my bra down.

If I thought his tongue felt good on mine…

I had to put my own hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t make any noise. Well, I did a shit job, but it wasn’t too loud.

His mouth was hot on my skin, leaving behind small bruises and wet marks. He bit down, and I hissed, and he grinned before letting up. He slowly set me down, not breaking eye contact as he seamlessly fixed my bra and shirt, reshuffling my skirt back to where it was before.

“If you liked that, just wait till I get my tongue between those legs of yours. And don’t you worry, sweetheart, I promise I will be far less controlled when I taste you for the first time.”

And then he was gone. He left me there.

I ran my fingers through my hair, schooled my face into the best neutral one I could and followed him out. Not too close, I didn’t need anyone speculating.

How Harvey managed to keep his face unreadable was unbeknownst to me. It seemed impossible, I’d need a cold shower and at least seventy-two hours notice to get my head back on. But there he was in the lobby. Totally stoic. Totally unphased. Totally not looking like he had his teeth leaving marks on my chest and making wetness pool between my legs.

“Oh, there she is,” Donna sighed in relief. “We were starting to think you ran away. Get going you two, you’re gonna be late. Go kick their ass in that depo.”

“Seems like that's all Claudia knows how to do,” Harvey said, giving me a wink when Donna walked off after wishing us good luck.

“You really do not know how to keep it in your pants,” I led the way to the elevator.

“Why would I want to when I have you to take care of it?”

I just stared blankly at him, his grin spreading wider and wider. God damn Harvey Specter.

When we slid in the backseat of the car, his hand immediately went to my thigh and it was all I could think about. It was so warm, and so deceptively big. Long fingers brushed over my skin, leaving goosebumps behind.

I had a feeling he was doing all of this on purpose, trying to get me riled up for after this meeting. Since I can’t get away from him, especially right now, all I could do was think about what I wanted most from him.

To see him smirking between my legs while he made me come undone has got to be at the top of the list. I wonder if he’ll like the way I taste. Shit I haven’t shaved in for-fucking-ever. Is he gonna be disgusted? What if he thinks I’m unhygienic for not taking care of it?

I mean… it hasn’t been that long, a month or two? But I wish I would’ve thought about it. It never occurred to me, even after the endless daydreams, that we’d actually continue all of this. Especially to this much.

By no means was I a virgin, but I haven’t been in a serious relationship in well over a year, so why did I need to keep things neat down there? I do not do hookups. Never had, never thought I would. But this technically also wasn’t a hookup?

What the hell would you even call this?

My mind was rampant at this point. Going in a billion different directions, all delusional thinking. It was irrational. Not true. And I knew that, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about them. I couldn’t steer my mind away from one in particular: did Harvey even think I was attractive?

It might seem like a silly question when, about twenty minutes ago, he had me moaning his name in the file room. But it still crossed my mind. Maybe he just thought I was naive and easily manipulatable. That he could have me just because he could, you know?

It made me feel sick to my stomach.

Why are you torturing yourself, Claudia? Obviously Harvey finds you attractive. He straight up left bruises on your skin with how eager he was to get at your tits, give yourself a little grace for once.

Why was my inner conscience now sounding like Harvey? I never told myself to ‘give a little grace’. He’s getting in my head. Changing the way I think and talk about myself. Then again I guess that was his whole reason for doing this in the first place-

“Hey pretty girl,” Harvey tapped my leg. “What are you thinking about so hard? You’re white-knuckling your seatbelt.”

Pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl…

I broke out into a huge smile. “Nothing, nothing at all.”

_____

My grin was permanently plastered on my face. We absolutely blew their fucking heads off in that depo. They had no idea what hit them.

“And when you threatened to put Nelson on the stand? Ugh, perfection, the look on their face was priceless. I’ll be replaying it all night and into tomorrow. That shit was awesome,” I couldn’t help the giddy squeal I let out either.

Harvey smiled brightly, a fondness to his face that I hadn’t ever seen before when our eyes met in the elevator on the way back to the firm.

“Now do you see why I like winning so much?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I can definitely see how it gets addicting. That was… wow. That was amazing. You were amazing, we were amazing.”

“...And?” He pressed. I flushed, I couldn’t fucking help it.

“And I was… amazing.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. What did you say?”

“You’re one cruel son of a bitch you know that right?” I rolled my eyes. “I was amazing.”

“There you go,” that same fond smile from before showing again. “Now say it again like you actually believe it.”

“I do actually believe it-”

“Say it again.” The smile was gone.

My throat worked down and I shifted on my feet, clutching my purse in my hands. Just do it and get it over with.

“I did fucking amazing,” I said with a little more umph. It worked, Harvey grinned like the Devil and caught my mouth with his right before the door chimed open.

“Oh, and before you go and spend all night replaying it over and over, there’s something else I’d like to have you remembering more.”

When I glanced up, I saw that it wasn’t the firm, but the fiftieth floor. The goddamn file room… I had forgotten. How could I have forgotten? I trailed behind him as he led the way, anxiety swirling so violently in my stomach I wasn’t entirely sure that I wasn’t gonna vomit.

My brain immediately kept trying to think of ways out of it. But my stupid fucking feet kept moving. Why did they keep moving? I didn’t want them to move-

“Claudia, is everything okay? You look… really pale,” Harvey asked once he shut the door and locked it. He looked incredibly concerned, which really only made it worse. “If you don’t want to do this right now we don’t have to.”

“It’s not that,” I shook my head, plastering a smile on my face. Don’t let some god damn hair ruin this, Claudia. You’re gonna be fine. Deep breaths. “Well?”

“Well… what?” He took a step closer, taking my purse from me and setting it on a cabinet.

“Aren’t you going to ask what I’ve been thinking about? What I’ve been wanting all day?”

“Oh I already know,” he said. “I just want to see if you’re going to tell me or not.”

Touche.

“I don’t need to ask you,” I felt my anxiety melt away, and that surge of power rush in my veins. The same way it did Harvey and I’s first night. “You said you wanted to please me, and if you already know what I want, why aren’t you already between my legs giving it to me?”

His hand on my neck was the only validation he gave me before lifting me up onto a counter, or a cabinet, I didn’t really care.

Wow I can’t believe that actually worked. We’re getting the hang of this, bitch. Keep it up.

Harvey’s tongue tangled with mine, pulling strings of pleas and moans from me. He unbuttoned my shirt yet again, adding to the marks he left earlier. I laid down; thankfully whatever I was on was long enough. Being tall has its perks for sure, but doesn’t necessarily work for these particular scenarios.

As he bent over me, I let my shoes slide off, wrapping a leg around his hip so my front melted with his. I ground against him, and he wasn’t shy about what it did to him. He pushed back, hand palming at my chest, the other pinning my other thigh to the surface.

It was so hard to breathe with him over me. But in the most pleasurable way possible. An intoxing sort of suffocation of having his mouth on mine, his chest pressed close, his very obvious arousal doing wonders for my own.

The second his hands began to push up my skirt, those thoughts came with it. I felt the panic rise in my chest, and the confidence I had built up crumbled to the floor.

“H-Harvey-”

“Yes, sweetheart?” His voice was sickly sweet and it almost made all those thoughts go away.

“I umm- I just don’t want you to be- I haven’t… god I am so sorry.”

“You’ve never had someone go down on you?” Harvey asked, eyes wide. “Who the hell have you been with in the past cause they were obviously assholes and I’ll-”

“No no Harvey,” I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “That’s not what I was talking about.”

“Then what, Claudia.”

“Nothing nothing, it’s fine, just go back to-”

“Not until you tell me everything's okay. Just tell me, it’s alright, sweetheart,” his voice was so tender. And his eyes, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that they were loving in a way. But that was most certainly an irrational thought.

I blushed, so much felt it go down my neck and light up my chest.

“Claudia-” “I haven’t shaved,” I blurted out. “I didn’t know this was happening and if I did I would’ve cleaned up for you so if you don’t want to I understand and we can do this another time but I don’t want you to be disappointed and grossed out and-” I actually yelped. He forced my skirt off, pulling off my stockings and tossing them over his shoulder. Then slid my underwear down my legs, not before he made fun of the little pink bow that was on the front.

He splayed my legs wide, throwing one over his shoulder, pinning the other down. The first touch of his tongue nearly made me tear up. His mouth was so hot. So warm and it felt so good as it curved in and out of me.

Bliss. Pure, raw, satisfying bliss encased me. I jolted when he flicked over my clit, sending a very much welcome tremble down my spine. I arched up and couldn’t help but grind against his face.

Harveys nails left dents in my skin. I hoped that they would bruise. He was not shy about how good I tasted. He had such a filthy way of describing what I did to him, and he knew that every word would get an even more filthy noise from my chest.

I could see my wetness smeared on his cheeks; I was a mess since the car on the way to the meeting. Which was well over two hours ago now. It made everything feel that much better.

Harvey took my leg off his shoulder, pushing it flat to the counter. He then took my chest between his fingers, definitely not careful with how hard he pinched and pulled. My legs quivered, clamping against his head, only for him to force them back down.

“Keep them there,” he stood, wrapping his palm across my throat. “I’m gonna make you cum on my tongue, but you’re not going to do it until I say, understand?”

“Yes, Harvey.” I thought about calling him sir, but I wasn’t sure what it would do. I really really really wanted to know, but it was more than likely something we should save for the privacy outside of the office because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my screams at bay.

I could barely do it right now.

He brought me in for a possessive kiss before laying me back down and settling between my legs. His fingers scratched and marked the insides of my thighs. I could feel my release building, and how on earth he knew I’ll never know, but every time I got relatively close, he slowed down, sending me right back to the start. It was infuriating, and I almost said something, but then he kept going.

And kept going and going and going-

“Harvey,” I sighed, breathless and airy. I had to bite on my fingers to keep from making too much noise. Again, I was doing a really shit job.

“Not yet,” he ordered. “Harvey I can’t…”

“Yes, you can, sweetheart. And you will because you love doing what I tell you, don’t you? You love being on display for me while I have my way with you.” I did. “You don’t even need to say it, I can taste how much you want it. Such a good girl for me, now be good and take it just a little longer and I promise I’ll make it worth it.”

I had no doubt that he would, so I nodded. I bit my lip and nodded. His smirk was devastating as he swiped his thumb through my folds and pressed it to my lips. I sucked urgently, showing him just how good I wanted to be.

Something changed in his eyes then. It wasn’t just dominance that resonated behind his shaded eyes. It was a look of possession, of ownership. There was definitely a whole other side to Harvey I hadn’t seen yet, but I’d be damned if I didn’t do anything to see it.

So I placed my foot on his shoulder and pushed until he knelt back on the ground. His grin was wild, purely animalistic and feral in a way.

Harvey Specter, aka the best damn attorney in the state of New York just knelt to the ground because you told him to. This man is bent to your will, you can make him do anything.

He resumed his mostions, taking the time to mark my thighs even more. I couldn’t think straight anymore. I don’t know how long it's been since we started, but I was quivering, begging for a release. It was right there, so close and so far away at the same time but if I could just get a little more…

“You taste so fucking good, Claudia. I want you to cum on my tongue and don’t you dare be fucking shy with those pretty little noises of yours. I want to know exactly how my tongue is making you feel, just how good you feel. You want to be good, don’t you?”

I nodded rapidly, saying just as much. “Yes, Harvey, yes I want to be good for you.”

“You’re learning so well,” he looked like he was in a daze. “Cum for me, sweetheart. Be my good girl and give me what I want. I know just how much you need it.”

It came so fast it caught me off guard. His fingers… his tongue… it was otherworldly. I haven’t ever felt this euphoric. I kept my noises down, but my breath was out of control, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth.

Harvey didn’t let up even with my release, he kept going going going even well after I began to settle back down. I tried to get him to let up; I couldn’t speak so I pushed against his shoulder but he pinned my ankle down.

He wasn’t done with me.

He licked me dry, gently kissing my skin when he was done. Sweat lined my hair and back, but he was done. And I was limp and thoroughly worked over.

“I knew you could be good,” he cooed. His hand brushed over my exposed chest, toying with me a little before helping me sit up. He carefully helped dress me again, letting my head come back before kissing me again. Not only did he taste like me, he smelled like it too.

But his kiss was soft. Softer than it had been before.

“Feel alright?” he asked, and all I could do was nod. He chuckled, motioning for me to hop down. Harvey’s hand steadied me as he picked up a foot and placed my shoe one, doing the same for the other. This… fizzy feeling bubbled in my chest as I watched him.

It made me smile uncontrollably.

“What are you so smiley about?” He asked, welcoming me when I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

“Nothing,” I sighed, a content sigh and let my chest rest against his, chin on his shoulder. “I just feel… nice. Really really nice.”

Harvey laughed, “Well I’m glad you feel really really nice. You tasted really really good.”

I swatted at his chest. When we were this close, it was easy to forget all the complex things about our situation: the fact that he was my boss, or how much older he was than me. That he just ate me out like a god in our file room after a huge step in our case. There were so many risks in all of this, but right here none of them seemed that big. A swirling thought in the back of my head wouldn’t let them go, but they could be tamed in this moment.

“Oh, don’t you ever feel embarrassed about not being ‘cleaned up’ for me. I don’t care. Getting to be between your legs is an experience I am beyond privileged to get. You don’t ever have to worry about me being disgusted by you or your body. It’ll never happen, never gonna be possible, Claudia.”

For a long time, I had always thought that Harvey was kind of a dick. They he never gave a shit about anyone other than himself and his reputation. Clearly that wasn’t the case. He, very obviously, cared a whole hell of a lot more than I thought.

Clearly Harvey cared for me beyond the idea of our sexual desires. I genuinely believe that he wants me to have more confidence in myself. This is just killing two birds with one stone. And I certainly didn’t mind having Harvey Specter between my legs.

“Would you like to-”

“Oh, Harvey what are you- oh, hi Claudia. What are you guys doing in here?” Louis asked. I instantly detached myself from Harvey and took a huge step back. “Is everything alright? Claudia you look really flushed, are you not feeling well? Do you need to go home?”

“No, no Louis I’m alright,” I could feel my skin ignite. “We were just… looking for old files for our case. I just needed a hug. Stress is a bitch.”

How did you manage to pull that outta your ass?

“Well, you’ve come to the right place. I give the best hugs on earth. Get over here,” Louis insisted.

“Thank you Louis, but I’m-”

“It’s non negotiable,” he nodded. “Come on, bring it in my dazzling little friend.”

I looked at Harvey who was clearly trying not to burst out in hysterical laughter. I hugged Louis, and it was surprisingly good. Not as good as Harvey, but then again maybe I was just a bit biased.

“You know my door is always open to you, Claudia,” Louis reassured before he grabbed a box, the one right where I had just been laid out, and practically skipped away.

When the door shut, I covered my face and Harvey nearly fell over. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I wanted to evaporate and never be seen again. There was no way that Louis just… I appreciated his complete obliviousness. More so than ever.

“Okay, that might’ve been more entertaining than sticking it to Gustoson.”

“Not a word, Specter,” I warned.

“Specter, huh? Well, Martin, you’re lucky I’m in such a good mood because I would really love to go tell Donna about this little interaction.”

My heart sank. “Does she know?”

“No,” my heart began to beat again. “Which baffles me. You are really terrible at wearing your emotions on your face, by the way."

“I don’t understand how you can be so calm, it makes no sense. My brain scrambles and my mouth disconnects from it. I couldn’t believe I managed to spit out something coherent when Louis walked in.”

“It’s cute watching you stutter.”

I blushed.

“That's cute, too.”

“Shut up.” Harvey smiled. “Would you teach me? How to have some sort of a poker face?”

“You want me to?” I nodded, and he looked off behind me, obviously thinking of something. “Okay, stay after everyone has gone home tomorrow, I have an idea.”

“Uh oh, don’t hurt yourself.” He grabbed my arm, laying a firm hand on my ass. I yelped at the smack, eyes going wide.

“Wanna try that again?”

“If we weren’t in an un-sound-proofed office I’d say yes.” That didn’t stop him from doing it again, only this time spinning me around and pushing me down on the counter, fisting my hair and yanking hard enough to bring a tear to my eye.

“Two strikes, Caudia. Be careful how you read the next pitch.” I really wanted to make an awful sports joke, but I didn’t need to risk someone else walking in and seeing this. There would be no way to explain around it.

I’d have to move to Antarctica and become a penguin.

“Okay okay,” I mumbled out. He released me and I turned around. Not without feeling how hard he was. I pulsed between my legs again. Man, did I want to feel that between my legs. I already had a good idea of what he looked like, and god damn did I want it.

“I’ll be in my office if you need me,” Harvey said, playing with my hair. “Try not to think of me too much, my Claudia.”

My Claudia…

My mouth was dry. “You know I will.”

“Of course you will,” he winked before turning.

I was certainly not going to let him have the last laugh.

I’d wait a couple hours and then attack. I had a plan, surely one he’d never see coming. It was almost six now and I couldn’t think of anything work related. Just Harvey. I had that sore, sweet burn of an overstimulated release still, and couldn’t feel more content.

But I wasn’t satisfied by any means.

I waited a little longer before printing out the transcription from our depo to go over. Yes, we had boxed Gustoson in and backed him into a corner, but like Harvey always said, when there was a gun pointed to your head there were seventy-five other ways out. We had to be prepared for every single one.

When I picked them up, I swung by Donna’s desk.

“Hey hot shot,” she cheered. “Heard about the depo, you really are one hell of a lawyer, aren’t you?”

“Well, what can I say? I’m just awesome at what I do,” I beamed. “Do you know where Harvey went? He wanted to go over it so we can get a clear idea of what their next move will be. I think they’re all out of cards to deal, but you never know.”

“Harvey really is rubbing off on you,” she looked me head to toe. Hide the face, hide the face. “Did something happen between you two? You’re like- glowing.”

Shit shit shit shit shit-

“No- well, no not really.”

“What do you mean ‘not really’?” She joined me on the other side of her desk. “Claudia, did he yell at you cause if he did I can-”

“No no, Donna. Everythings fine, more than fine actually. I am just… starting to feel more comfortable around him, is all. I don’t feel so nervous to be around him.”

“That’s fantastic,” Donna smiled, bringing me in for a hug. I prayed she didn’t feel my sweat back. “Good for you, Claudia. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I know he can be a hardass, but there is a method to his madness.”

“You don’t say,” she had no fucking idea. This was great. “Let me find him, I’ll be back before you leave to let you know how the depo really went.”

She just raised her eyebrows before I walked away.

Time for some real fun.

I pushed open the bathroom door, someone on their way out giving me a weird look. Harvey was at the sink washing his hands when he saw me.

“Claudia, what are you-”

I looked under the stalls and thankfully no one was in here. I locked the door. As I planted myself in front of him, I spoke so coolly it didn’t even sound like my voice. “You didn’t think I could leave you high and dry, did you? What kind of good girl would I be if I didn’t return the favor.”

“Claudia, sweetheart you don’t have to-”

“I want to. And I’m going to.”

I slipped to my knees, my eyes never leaving his. Even as I popped open the button of his trousers and untucked his shirt. They fell to his ankles and I let his briefs join them. He was hard and waiting for me so I didn’t waste time to build the confidence.

It was already there.

Harvey braced against the sink when my tongue ran up the backside of his shaft, slowly starting to take him into my mouth. I worked it all the way in, earning a deep, guttural noise from him.

“Jesus fucking… Claudia…”

I felt a rush of pride run through me at the thought of him not even being able to speak. It only motivated me that much more.

I worked up and down, pausing every now and then to focus on the tip, ever so gently letting my teeth graze for a little extra pleasure. I wasn’t sure if he was going to like it, but he shivered. And when I did it again, he did it again. He was under my control.

I couldn’t help the spit that collected and fell down my chin, or the tears that fell from my eyes and smeared some of my mascara. I knew he didn’t mind because when he looked down, he swore and bucked his hips.

“God you look so hot stuffed full of my cock,” he put his hand on my head and pushed me all the way down. “And you know how to take it all the way, I didn’t even have to teach you. Such a good fucking girl, Claudia. If your throat feels this good I can’t fucking wait to be inside that pretty pink pussy of yours. I know it’ll be a tight fit but you’ll take it like such a good girl won’t you?”

I nodded, humming around him as he began to fuck my mouth.

“Yeah, you love this, don’t you? Being full of my cock. I just know you were dying to taste it, huh? Go on then, open really fucking wide for me.”

His hips were brutal, pushing more tears out with every thrust. Harvey let the praises and moans fall from his mouth like the sweetest candy. I had to brace my hands on his thighs so he wouldn’t break my nose. That’s how hard he was going.

“Gonna cum, sweetheart. You're gonna take it all down, aren’t you? Just wait until I get you on your hands and knees so I can fill you up and have you begging for it.”

I couldn’t help the whine that came out. Granted it was broken up by his thrusts, but that somehow made it dirtier.

Harvey released, stilling his hips, pushing deep until his body lay flush with my face. He pulled out, cum coating his skin. I was more than happy to clean it off for him.

“Awww look at you, Claudia. Being such a sweet girl and cleaning me up. God you are such a funcking slut for me. Show me.”

I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue, presenting it to him. Again, that dark, feral look was in his eyes. He grabbed me by my neck and pulled me to my feet. His eyes never left my tongue.

“Swallow.”

I did. Harvey’s laugh was cruel. His thumb was pressed right up against my esophagus, and I knew he felt it go down.

“I am going to fucking ruin you for anyone else, Claudia. I am going to take you apart and put you back together over and over again until all you’ll know is my name and how to breathe.”

I clenched my legs together, already feeling my desire come back. He let go and I bent to put him back together this time. When I put the button back through the slit, I made sure to keep my eyes on him. I gave a pat to his chest before turning for the door.

Before I left, I looked over my shoulder, swiping my thumb across the corner of my mouth to get a remaining drop of him. I dragged it over my tongue, giving my own devastating wink before leaving him alone.

_____

There were plenty of ways I could’ve spent the next twenty-four hours. Were any of them productive? Absolutely not. No matter how much water or tea I drank, I could still taste him on my tongue, and it only made me that much more distracted every time I remembered it.

I loved it when he told me how good I felt.

Not only was Harvey incredibly good at being a lawyer, he was very diligent with his body. So responsive to every touch and noise I made. He made doing all of this feel not so intimidating.

Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I did feel like it was working. never in a million years would I have the balls to initiate an intimate moment with him, let alone any type of moment.

His madness was working. A little too well.

What he had planned next was beyond me. Apparently he went out for the day, according to Donna, who also told me he cleared the rest of his schedule for the night and asked if I knew anything about it. I felt bad lying to her, but I didn’t really know what else to do. She couldn’t know yet, I needed to wait.

But when she came to check on me, eyes a little bloodshot from staring at this damn computer all day, she wished me good luck tonight and headed home. She hoped that Harvey wouldn’t run me into the ground.

I knew we weren’t going to get any work done.

And I was so excited.

I waited. And waited. And waited for Harvey to come find me. Maybe he was still out? I had no idea. I was about to call him when he walked into the bullpen.

“Oh, hey I was just looking for you.”

“Good,” the corners of his mouth curled up. “Come on, let's go to my office.”

I was more than eager to follow. When I got there, there was a bag on the corner of his desk, a note pad and a pen. “What’s all this?” “You asked me to help you with keeping your face unfazed. Well, I’m gonna help you. You’re going to sit in my lap while I’m inside you and we’re going to sit on this conference call with one of my clients in California. You’re gonna learn how to keep your voice steady while taking notes for me or everyone's gonna know what we’re doing. Are we clear?”

My whole world was tilted on its axes. This could go wrong on so many levels. My mouth voided any saliva and I couldn't process this idea.

“Harvey is this really a good idea when-” “You always do this, Claudia. We do something, you question it, and then you realize afterwards that I was right. When are you going to start trusting my ideas and just do what I say?”

I just rolled my eyes, “Fine. You’re right, and I do trust you."

“Of course I am, I’m Harvey Specter.” I really wanted to smack him, but he moved away before I could. He opened the bag and pulled out three boxes of condoms. “I wasn’t sure which kind you preferred so I grabbed a few options.”

That was, weirdly enough, one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. I know, it seems kind of lame, but it was incredibly thoughtful. I read the back of the boxes, settling on one and putting the others back in the bag.

Everything’s gonna be fine, Claudia. He’s right, he knows what he’s doing. We’ve got this, just breathe and everything is gonna go great… holy shit you’re about to fuck Harvey. This is really about to fucking happen holy fucking fuck-

His presence in front of me took my rushing thoughts away. I smiled up at him before kissing him a few times. No turning back now.

We didn’t dare fully undress, but I slipped down my bottoms and hiked up my skirt, Harvey doing more or less the same. Harvey brought my back to his front and gently swept my hair over my shoulders to help soothe me. I was shaking a little.

“Relax, sweetheart. You’re gonna feel so good, I promise you.” Chills. All over my body.

I eased down onto him, with his help, and settled into his lap. It burned and stretched so well. It took a good few steady breaths to adjust and let myself loosen up.

“Good girl, Claudia,” he praised, that sickly sweet tone back once again. “That’s it, just lean back and let me do the rest.”

Harvey trailed his hands over my thighs, pulling my knees open so they fell over his own. I sighed out when his finger dragged around where we connected and up up up to where I was still so sensitive. I jolted, and he turned his face into my neck.

“Ready?” He asked, and I nodded. He dialed a number on the phone and it rang a few times before a voice came through the other line. “Brian Fergison, how is the West Coast treating you?” “Oh it’s a dream, Harvey. An absolute dream, you gotta come out here one of these days,” Brian said enthusiastically. “I have my insurance broker, CEO, accountant and consultant on here as well. Thomas, Daniel, Michael and Henry.”

A collection of hello’s and hey’s came through. “Nice to speak with you gentlemen. I have my personal associate, Claudia with me here. She’s been helping me out on a few cases recently and I thought I’d show her more of the big leagues.”

“It’s a pleasure to have you, Claudia. If you’re Harvey’s personal associate, you must be one hell of a lawyer,” Brian boasted and I could feel my flush.

“Lets just say that I can give one hell of a nasty cross examination,” I said, voice calm and collected despite Harvey's fingers between my legs. “Most first years don’t get an opportunity like this so I appreciate it.”

“Wow, Harvey, where do you keep finding all these kick ass young stars?” “Harvard,” I answered for him, earning an array of laughs through the phone. I looked over at Harvey who had a devious grin plastered on his face. He thrusted up particularly hard, almost making me gasp out loud.

So that's how it's going to be?

I clenched hard, making him flinch. He dug in his nails as a warning. I listened.

“Alright, let’s get to the business at hand. I was hoping we could all discuss what is at stake for my company with the new rules and regulations…”

The conversation faded out for me. I half paid attention to what they were saying, but focused mostly on Harvey. And these stupid notes he had me taking. It was a steady pace, not fast at all, leisurely. He hit deep inside me, and it was incredibly difficult to not make any noise. I did my best to keep my face neutral, even though we weren’t on camera or anything.

His hands crept up my shirt and played with my chest, making it even harder. I throbbed around him, hissing slightly. His grip shifted my hips, rocking me back and forth to grind even deeper.

My wetness stuck to him and made noises I thought only we could hear.

“Is someone eating or something? What is that noise?” Brian asked. I went frozen, but Harvey pinched my nipple again as if to say ‘go on, answer him’.

“Sorry, Brian,” I responded, voice still together. “Harvey is a bit of a hardass and hasn’t let me have a break all day to eat. I’ll put us on mute and we can chime in if need be.”

“All good, and make sure Harvey hears that he needs to take it easy on you over there. Give that poor girl some time to breathe, man.”

“Don’t worry, Brian, she can handle that and a whole lot more.” Even I could hear the grin in Harvey's voice. I reached around me and hit the mute button, then sat up so abruptly I nearly smacked into the table. He placed one hand on the center of my back, holding me there, the other fisting my hair and pulling. Hard.

“You’re asking for it, aren’t you?” “And if I am?” I said, my breath stilling in my chest.

“This is not how this call is going to go. It’s forty minutes long, so I hope you’re ready for that. Be careful how you speak about me because I can make this really fun for me and miserable for you.”

“I thought this was your idea in the first place,” I wasn’t going to be bullied by him. I wasn’t afraid when we were like this. “Bring it on.”

We were up so fast and I was chest down on the desk. Bent over me, cock still shoved all the way in, he whispered, “I am gonna take that phone off of mute, and when I do, you’re gonna say you’re going to the bathroom and I am gonna fuck those bratty words right out of your head. If you make one fucking sound I will make you cum. And if you make a sound when you do, I’ll do it again and again until you learn.”

My toes barely touched the floor. Harvey hit the button and nodded for me to speak. I waited a moment until there was a lull in the conversation. “Hey, I’ll be right back. Don’t rip on Harvey without me.”

“You got it, Claudia, I’ll save all his embarrassing college stories for the end.” I was going to get it for sure after that comment.

Harvey started a more than brutal pace. Thankfully I was adjusted to him so it wasn’t as bad, but with the force of his thrusts… gods help me.

I bit down on my lip, fingers clenching the edge of the desk as he rammed into me. It was so hard to keep from crying out, to keep my knees from hitting the desk.

“Harvey, I was wondering if there was anything I needed to do to get my patent’s turned over? Or if there is something extra I need to get to make them usable in California?” I knew Harvey spoke, but I didn’t understand. I was far too focused on him pulsing in and out and in and out of me to care. It felt so fucking good. With one particularly hard push of his hips, the whole desk shifted and I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming.

Then my hand was gone. His hand was big enough to wrap around both of my wrists and force them behind my back.

God fucking dammit-

“Is Claudia back? I had a question for her,” Henry, the consultant, asked. Shit shit shit shit shit.

“Yeah she just walked back in,” Harvey said, dragging me back into his lap as he sat, fingers immediately playing with my exposed chest.

“Hey, what did you want to ask?” Still ice cold.

“I was just wondering what your thoughts were on the idea of handling a personal case for me. My lawyer just retired and obviously you seem more than qualified, even if you are a first year associate.”

I was genuinely shocked. “Oh, sure. I’ll get your number and email at the end and I’ll make sure to reach out about the details.”

“Sounds good,” he said, switching to ask Harvey something. A brush of his finger between my legs told me I did a good job.

Soon enough, we were back on mute while Brian took a moment to get his kids settled for bed. Harvey was quick to start talking.

“Look at you, taking me so good. I wasn’t sure how well I’d fit but you’re just such a good girl, Claudia. I bet you love this, being split open while others are just one moan away from knowing what I’m doing to you.”

“I can’t take it much longer,” my voice was trembling.

“You’re gonna take it as long as I say. We’re over halfway, my pretty little toy. You can stay seated on my dick for a little while, can’t you?” I nodded, my brains almost gone. “See, still such a desire to please me. I think you’ve earned a little reward, no?”

His fingers circled around my clit, sending waves of pleasure and hurt through my body. I let the noises built up in my chest slip through, trying to shift away from his touch when it became too much.

“I will put you back on that desk and tie your hands behind your back if you don’t stop moving. Sit here, be still, and take my cock like you should. Do not make me tell you again.”

I shut my mouth quickly, occupying my hands in his hair. With one hand between my legs, the other on my throat, his lips trailed over my neck. I did my absolute best not to move, but it wasn’t easy. I writhed and whined and begged for him to let me reach my high.

“You wanna cum on my cock? Is that what you want? Go on then, make a mess all over me.”

It wasn’t even pleasurable at this point. It hurt in the most amazing way possible, but I was to the point of numbness. He quickly hit the unmute button and I bit my lip so hard I knew it’d bruise. He drew lazy circles through my slick and I was on the verge of tears.

Guess he wasn’t kidding when he said he’d break me down and build me back up over and over again.

Harvey’s hand came and clamped over my mouth when I shuddered around him. His whole body tensed and clung to me, forcing me to still even though I wanted to fall onto the floor with the strength of my release.

Stars danced the backs of my eyelids. My voice would be rubbed raw tomorrow for sure. I’d be more sore than I had ever been.

My chest rose and fell quickly as I came down from my high, legs and arms tingling. I don’t think I made any noise, if I did, they’d surely know and we’d be in some deep shit. But when I looked at the phone, they were still carrying on with their conversation.

“I’m thinking of having a company party. And Harvey I’d be thrilled if you could make it out, even bring Claudia if you want. I’m sure Henry would love to meet her, as would I,” Brian spoke.

“That sounds good, Brian,” Harvey’s voice was thick, very clearly too turned on for his own good.

“I’d be honored to come out,” I said, voice wavering just a tad. “When are you thinking of having it?”

“Not until we get everything squared away on the legal side of things. Then I’ll worry about all that stuff,” he gave a big sigh. “Man there is a lot that comes with running a business.”

We all have a laugh, Harvey starting up my hips again. I didn’t even feel it, couldn’t rather. He was content using me to get off and I was content to let him. I stayed quiet, using my legs to push up and down, rock back and forth, anything I could think of to make him miserable.

His fingers were locked onto my sides, thrusting up into my down strokes. The noise was minimal, but still sounded around us. Hopefully just us.

I felt his teeth lock onto the back of my shoulder and yelped.

“You alright, Claudia?” Brian asked.

Yeah it’s just Harvey fucking bit me, I almost said. “Yup, just stabbed myself with my pen.” Nice cover, idiot.

Harvey let up then, kissing over the indentations. His hips stuttered, and his breath was hot and fast on the back of my neck. I leaned forward and hit the mute button.

“You close?” I got a grumbled string of pleas. “Come on Harvey, you know how much you’ve been waiting for this, don’t be shy now. I want it, sir-”

The words weren’t even out of my mouth before I was gagging on his fingers. I struggled to breathe, eyes watering with the force of it. He fucked up into me so hard I had to brace on the desk and the chair. A noise tore from his chest, so deep it sent goosebumps scattering across my body. His hips were flush with mine, his hands forcing my hips flat, taking taking taking all of him at once.

“Say it again, Claudia,” he commanded.

“S-Sir?” I hadn’t even realized I said it. Now or never, I guess.

“Fuck,” he swore. Harvey pulled me off his lap and stood, dragging me over to the window. Don’t look down don’t look down- “Want it, sweetheart? You want my cum, huh?”

“Yes sir,” my voice was barely there. I gasped when he lifted me into the air, pressing my back to the window. Holy shit I hope this fucking glass doesn’t break.

Harvey damn near made me see stars when his hand wrapped around my throat. Between that and his tongue on mine, his cock shoved all the way in, so deep it was painful, I was in the most glorious twilight state I’ve ever been.

He had his way with me, brutal and erotic and of pure primal instinct. It was clear he didn’t give a shit about if he was hurting me or not. He wanted one thing. And I was gonna let him have it.

The release caught us both off guard, nearly sending us both to the ground. I clawed up his back and his fingers tightened on my neck. His hips were flush with mine again, jerking in and out at random convulsions. His forehead was damp against my chest.

When he eased me down, my legs were shaking so bad I couldn’t stand. I tripped over my feet trying to sit down. Harvey was far steadier, handing me a bottle of water from a drawer in his desk. While I sipped, he tucked himself back into his pants, and we gave our final goodbyes and email exchanges to Brian’s team.

It wasn’t until a few minutes after the call ended that we looked at each other.

“You uhh… you alright?” He asked.

I was a little stunned, did he just stutter? “Oh, yeah Harvey I’m fine. Are you?”

“Yeah yeah I’m good.”

“Good.”

Silence. I tapped my thumbs on the plastic bottle, combing my fingers through my hair. Our eyes met again and we both broke out into wild smiles.

“So 'sir' really does it for you?”

“I wasn’t exactly expecting to hear you say that,” he looked mildly embarrassed. “It just- it’s a power move, for sure.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind.” He shrugged, “I am far less forgiving when I am in that state of mine. I am not nice and don’t necessarily give a-”

“Harvey,” I stopped him, standing. I took his outstretched hand and let his hands land back on my hips. “If it was too much, I would’ve told you. And besides, I’ve been dying to see that side of you ever since you first mentioned it.”

“You have?”

I nodded, humming and nodding my head. “Just like you I have my secrets. One of those is my undying desire to please. I’d find a way to get it one way or another.”

His smile was devastating. He swooped down to pick me up in his arms and gently spun me around. “God Claudia you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear someone say that.”

My heart clenched and my stomach dropped at the same time. I didn’t want to read too far into his words but how could I not when he said things like that and placed gentle kisses along my collar bone?

We grabbed our belongings and headed for the elevator, it was well past eleven now and we both wanted to go home. Harvey insisted he drop me off, and I wasn’t in the position to say no. my feet were killing me, and so was pretty much every other inch of my body.

The car was warm despite the bitter February wind. The city lights were as bright as ever as we raced down the street, just a couple of city blocks, to my apartment.

It took every bit of my willpower to not ask him to stay over. That wasn’t part of the deal, I kept telling myself. He wasn’t obligated to comfort me afterwards. And I wasn’t obligated to do the same.

“Have a good night, Claudia,” Harvey said, brushing his thumb across my cheek.

It was really fucking hard to not melt into him.

“Good night, Harvey.”

______

The next day I didn’t see Harvey at all. When I asked Donna where he was she said he had to take a trip upstate to see his family. I didn’t want to pry, it certainly wasn’t my business, and if he wanted to tell me he would.

But I got concerned when I didn’t see him the rest of the week. Well, I saw him, just could never catch him at the right time. He stops by my cubicle for two seconds, dumps a stack of papers and says ‘have these organized and on my desk ready to go for tomorrow’, and then disappears.

What in the hell was going on? “Donna, I really need to talk to Harvey,” I stood my ground. He was in his office, sitting at his desk, the desk that held more than a few intimate memories.

“Claudia, now is really not a good time,” she insisted. I rolled my eyes, huffing and turning away. I’ll catch him before he leaves.

I didn’t catch him before he left. Or when he showed up the next day, or the next. A goddamn week went by and I could barely get two words in. I was getting a little pissed off. And of course my mind had been running rampant with anxious thoughts: he got what he wanted, now he didn’t need you anymore; he was just using you to get the job done and he’ll move on to the next associate. And in big bold letters: Harvey fucking used you.

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, pricking my nose and burning my throat.

I can’t take this torture any longer. I need to find him. Now.

I marched right past Donna and into Harvey’s office. I did have our complete case file in hand as an excuse, but I wasn’t really planning on talking about the case. My brain was on fucking fire at this point, I didn’t know what I was going to say, if anything at all, or if I was just going to break down like a pathetic little girl who couldn’t take it.

“Claudia, now is really not a good-” “It never seems to be a good time, Harvey,” I cut him off, watching his mouth snap shut at my harsh tone. “I have been trying to get this to you for four days now, you gonna take the five minutes it takes to go over it or do I need to FedEx it to your apartment so you can get to it in two to three business days?”

His eyes were wide. He stood up from his desk and took the file, but set it on the table.

“Harvey just take one fucking look at it-”

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice calm and steady.

“You’re sorry? For what, ignoring me the past week?”

“Claudia I wasn’t-”

“Are you sure because it seems like ever since after that conference call you’ve been actively avoiding me like a fucking disease. I-I-I don’t understand what I did, Harvey. Was I not good enough for you? Did I make too much noise or-or did I say something wrong when you dropped me off?”

“No, Claudia I have just been-” “Using me? Leveraging me to climb the corporate ladder?”

“How dare you accuse me of that bullshit,” Harvey bit out, a venom laced in his words. “I can’t believe this, after everything I’ve been trying to help you with, you’re gonna look me in the eyes and say I’m using you?”

“It sure seems like it to me because I can’t think of another goddamn reason why you would go through all that trouble just to practically ghost me.”

“I have been trying to tell you that I’m not avoiding you, but you cannot take down your alligator filled moat for two fucking seconds to let me explain what the hell I’ve been doing.”

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Donna shouted over both of us. I snapped towards her, flushing a deep shade of red.

“Nothing, Donna,” Harvey pressed his lips in a flat line. “We don’t need you to intervene-” “Well it sure as hell sounds like you do,” she came and stood at my side. “What’s going on?” “I was just trying to tell Claudia that I haven’t been avoiding her, that I have been busy being a goddamn name partner and trying to keep this firm above water. In fact, I’ve wanted nothing more than to just put everything else on pause and actually get to sit down for half an hour and discuss what we’re gonna do in court because I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, Claudia, but we are in some deep shit with this Gustoson case.”

“Which is why I have been doing everything in my power to hunt you down and give you that file.”

All eyes landed on it, it’s tan envelope. Harvey flipped it open and scanned the document.

He ripped it up and threw it in the trash.

I stopped moving, I stopped breathing.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind, Claudia?”

“Harvey,” Donna was baffled at his tone.

“You seriously want to file a motion to dismiss? In what way would that benefit us? Cause it seems like all you want to do is throw this case away and let Gustoson win.”

“No, I want to get their lawyer off the case so that way we can go after him, because he’s in on it and-” “We have no proof of that.” I wanted to rip out my fucking hair. “I was working on getting it.”

“Claudia, we don’t have time for you to just stumble upon evidence and hope it works,” Harvey let his hands slap against his thighs, eyebrows knitted together. “I needed an idea last night, and since you clearly can’t get the job done, maybe it’s you who should be thrown off the case because you clearly have no idea what the hell it is that you’re doing.”

There was nothing I could do to keep the tears from burning tracks in my skin. He promised… Harvey promised…

“Okay, let’s just take this down a few notches,” Donna stood between us.

“No,” Harvey shook his head. “Claudia, you’re going to learn real fast that just because you’re my associate, that doesn’t mean you get your ass kissed. I am not gonna sit here and baby you on every case. If you can’t come up with a different idea by the end of the day, I’m gonna put Griffin on this case and you’ll never get the chance to work with me ever again. I don’t lose, and I’m sure as hell not gonna risk that just because you don’t know how to do your goddamn job.”

All I could do was stare at him. Stare and stare and stare.

My hands didn’t even shake. My breath didn’t pick up, and my tears didn’t fall. I was utterly tranquill, like a certain part of me was expecting this to happen, and here it was. Served to me on a silver platter.

I hiccuped a sob. It hit me out of nowhere. I couldn’t do anything to control it.

“You promised…” I wasn’t even sure I actually spoke the words, I may have just mouthed them, be he understood. I watched him snap out of his heated daze and take a jarring step back. But I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to give a fake apology.

His intentions, from the very beginning, were blindingly clear. Harvey didn’t want to work with me, he didn’t think I was a good lawyer, he just wanted to get in my pants.

I was disgusted by him, my stomach churned and I knew I was going to vomit.

“Claudia-” Harvey gasped, like had been punched in the stomach; I wished it was Donna who socked him.

“You’ve done enough,” she said, and placed her hands on my shoulders. She steered me out of his office and my vision blurred.

I was one sorry son of a bitch to believe that Harvey actually gave a shit about me. Why would I ever fucking believe that? I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve known it from the start. A man like him does not fall for a woman like me, they only pretend to when they need something.

“Claudia I am so sorry about-” “I wanna go home.”

She was quiet for a long moment. “I’ll tell Louis you had something come up.”

I just nodded, grabbing my purse and jacket, heading for the elevator.

He promised… he promised… he promised…

#suits #suits tv #harvey specter #harvey specter x ofc #harvey specter smut #harvey specter suits #suits smut #suits fanfiction #suits fanfic

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twinksrepository · 2 months

Text

A Valentine's Day treat. Well more like night after

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Pairing: Dante X F!Reader

CW: Food play, P in V sex, teasing, bad puns

Word count: Roughly 3K

A/N: It's been a few months since you started dating the silly pizza man, and fail to keep that on the down low when it's Valentine's Day and one of your co-workers pesters you about dating the man but being at work. Good thing Lady is giving Dante a hard time as well. Well maybe after your shift you can find a way to have some fun with your boyfriend.

The third of my Valentine’s Day fics.

Quirking your nose as you scrawl out the last of your notes before handing them off for entry in the system you let out a long exhale. It’s not even ten pm and you’ve already dealt with four accidentally swallowed rings, three broken noses, and two stabbings. The stabbings were a little normal for the emergency department but the rings weren’t.

“I don’t understand why people just can’t propose like normal people, why do they put it in food Doctor?” You snort shaking your head as one of the orderies rubs at her temple.

“People want to be different, if they knew how often people miss the ring dropped in their champagne glass because of nerves they might try something else.” Signing your name before looking at the next person on the triage list and reading what happened. “Like this person. They tried chocolate mousse, I’ll give them a point for originality.”

“Me. Hey Doc?” Letting out a hum as you double check to make sure you don't hand anyone higher up on the priority list to check with. “How come you're here tonight and not out with that man of yours?”

You feel your nose quirking again. “Which man would that be?” Attempting to avoid eye contact as you do know exactly who they're talking about. Your silly pizza loving man with a knack for killing the demonic, even if most people think he's just a regular handy man of sorts.

“Funny. That broad shoulders white haired fella. Damien or something.”

“Dante” you wince as the correction slips from your mouth with ease.

“Him!” Grinning like the cat that ate the canary at catching you. “Come on, I've seen the two of you out around town. He's a hottie. Why aren't you out with him instead of in here dealing with the chaos of proposals gone wrong?”

You laugh hearing how the night in the ER has been going so far it sounds about right. “He's working tonight, besides I'd rather cover this night over New Year's and the Fourth of July anytime.” Winking before you head down the hallway with your clipboard, hoping this couple is a lot calmer than the last.

“Explain how I'm a bad boyfriend!” Dante was pissed as he swung the rebellion slicing one of the lizard like demons in half sending Lady a look of bewilderment.

“If you were a good one I wouldn't have to explain it.” Snarking back as she unloaded a few rounds into her own quarry before shaking her head at him. “You really are terrible with women, at this rate the pretty little doctor is gonna leave you. Working on Valentine's Day.”

“It's just a sappy day to give chocolates, if she wants to leave me over that then fine!” Slicing another demon and dodging having a set of talons driven through his back. As much as he said that the smaller voice I'm his head was screaming. No. It wasn't fine. She was his and it didn't matter what day it was he should be balls deep in her, making sure she smelt of him and sex.

“You really are an idiot.”

“Whatever Lady. Are we finishing this job you asked for my help for or not?” He'd rather focus on a fight than the way his pants were growing tighter. Damn libido.

As you left the hospital that morning, well 3 am, you couldn’t help but swing into the nearest 24 hour store to grab a few grocery items for yourself and saw a few items that made you smirk. A package of chocolate dipped and plain strawberries, grabbing them before heading to the devil may cry office with a can of whipped cream and a terrible plan.

Trying the door to find it unlocked and slinking inside, a good sign that Dante is home otherwise you would have had to try and dig through your bag for the spare key he’d given you. “Dante!” If the lights in the main office hadn’t of been on you wouldn’t have called out, but if it is on then it’s a good sign your handsome man is still awake.

“Backroom Babe!” Well, that answers that, heading towards the door that hides a short hallway ending in a minuscule kitchen. The main level of the office doesn't have much besides the front area itself which takes up the bulk of the floor space, there is a second bathroom that you’re certain before you entered his life was the only one Dante used. Well used being an operative word.

Stepping into the space and finding the white haired man holding a small glass filled with amber liquid. “That kind of night huh?” You snort laying your paper bag of goodies on the the tiny counter before dropping your overnight bag to the floor and approaching him.

“Any night that involves Lady is one of those kind of nights.” Rolling his eyes before taking a sip of the drink and setting his eyes on you. “Didn't think I'd see you this early, thought you were working the ER tonight?”

“I was.” Lifting your arms to drop them over his broad neck and play with some of the longer white hairs at the back of his head and leaning closer. His jacket is draped over the chair you suspect would snap if anyone sat in it so your arms are able to rest more against him instead of the leather. “My shift finished about an hour ago and I didn't have a lot of paperwork to do. How was your night?”

Raising his drink between your bodies you watch him quirk a brow as if surprised you asked “Shit so far. Now that you're here though.” Hooking two of his fingers in one of the belt loops of your pants and tugging you a little closer to him. “It seems to be getting better.”

Tossing the rest of his drink back before sliding the empty glass behind him and dropping his hand on your hip you get the hint and push up on your toes as he leans closer to you. Only for your senses to be flooded by the smell of rancid copper and things you'd rather not think about. Sharply pulling away from him. “You smell like ass” Waving your hand in front of your nose as you screw up your face at him.

“I got home maybe ten minutes before you walked in!” His tone is haughty as he lifts his hands exasperated by your reaction, and for a moment you're distracted by the shift of his shirt and the hint of pale skin.

“You need a shower if you want a kiss.” Shaking your head at him and hiding that you had been distracted by his body. “Or the other treat I have for you.” You might be annoyed that his first thought was a drink before getting cleaned but his lifestyle wasn't focused on getting the grim off his body right away for the longest time.

Hearing you mention a treat, however, has his mood shifting and a smirk on his handsome face “A treat huh? Do I get a hint?” Wiggling his eyebrows as his gaze roves over your body, making you flush in response.

“I don't wanna ruin the surprise but let's say trying something new.” Giving him a wink as he grabs his coat and starts to walk past you. “Only clean good little boys are going to get it though.”

Roaring with laughter as he turns on his feet facing you as he walks away. “Guess I'm outta luck. Even with a shower, I'm zero outta three on that list.” Dropping his hand to his crotch just before stepping out of sight. “Especially the little part.”

You can't help but laugh as he slips away, waiting until you hear either the water running from the downstairs bathroom or the creek of the stairs as he heads to the upper level. It's the creaking of the stairs that you hear, grinning as you wait another moment before placing your food for tomorrow in the fridge. At least you don't have to worry about something trying to crawl out of the neglected device. This time.

Keeping the strawberries and whipped cream with you as you headed out to the main part of the office once more, checking the main door was locked before taking the stairs. It was more for your own peace of mind than anything else, if something wanted to go after Dante a metal bolt wasn't going to stop it.

Hearing the shower run as you reach the top of the landing you slow, pondering for a moment if you should join him or just jump into your own little surprise. You did have a quick shower before you left work because you hated the smell of the antiseptic on your skin, but the idea of rubbing your hands over his wet chest are hard to ignore. Giving your head a shake you keep walking, if you don't commit to what you have planned you'll never try it, and Dante likes surprises in the bedroom.

Leaning across the bedspread as you hear the sound of his footsteps you grin to yourself before swallowing to try and settle your face. As the door swings open you try to get your expression sorted out so you aren’t a blushing mess, trying to aim for sultry.

Dante has a towel thrown over his head missing your expression and one slung around his waist, except he has the size of them backward. The larger one over his head and the smaller struggling to remain tied around his waist with how thick his thighs are and your little plan to try and seduce him fails as your jaw drops a little. “Maybe it’s me who’s getting the treat instead of you. Big boy.” Tacking on the last word to get him to lift his head.

At least your little plan worked as his composure snaps for a moment as he stares at you, his eyes following the trail of whipped cream along the lines of your stomach from your covered core up to your tits. “Babe.” A hard swallow and it’s clear as the towel around his hips flutters from something hidden underneath that he’s getting aroused. “Are those strawberries on your tits?”

“I figured since it was too late to get you a sundae I’d try and be one instead.” Trailing an index finger along part of your stomach and scooping some of the cream up before sticking the digit in your mouth and sucking on it hard enough to hollow your cheeks. That towel around his waist stood no chance as his cock hardens and sticks up from the edge, raising the fabric as if his dick is peeking out at you. “Sorry, but it’s the best I could do on such short notice.”

Using one of his hands to pull the towel from around his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor with a wet smack your covered core throbs. His eyes are wild and you can see his neck flexing as his jaw works. Too bad all his attempts are undone by the way his length keeps twitching as it arches from between his legs. “I don’t see any ice cream unless you’re hiding it under that pretty body of yours.”

Striding closer before he stops. Dante is far from unobservant and the man has noticed your own gaze keeps landing between his legs. “For some reason, I don’t think you have any for me. Not with the way your eyes keep looking at this fine display.” With a snap of his fingers, the towel is gone and you can’t help the little noise of satisfaction you let out at his naked body. He’s fit and knows it, surprising with his terrible diet, but you can’t get enough of it.

“You’re right. I wanted some meat tonight.” Winking at him before spreading your legs, showing him the damp spot on your underwear. “I think you should come get your dessert before it gets too warm though.” Adding a small whine at the end as you want to feel his skin against yours, or his tongue. Really he can remove the fruit and cream covering your torso anyway he wants to.

“I’m surprised you didn’t cover your pussy in cream too.” Snorting as he closes the final distance and you feel his bed dip as he joins you.

“I might be willing to try food play but I am not having anything go in my pussy that isn’t sanitized.”

“Sorry Doc, I gotta call you out on that one.” Running one of his large hands along your thigh before snapping your underwear with his finger. “My tongue and fingers go in there all the time.” You roll your eyes and reach a hand out to try and get him to pay more attention to your body.

“Funny Dante. Honestly though. Do you want to lick or help me clean this up? The cream really is starting to run.” A chuckle before he moves, throwing a leg over your body and settling so he straddles your form, sliding down a little as his hands come to rest beside your body.

“I think I can help with that problem.” Lowering his head to where the cream is starting to run just below your naval and licking a wide strip along the stream of white painted on your body. Right away you moan, the heat from his tongue chasing the chill that was seeping into your skin has you shuddering. “I’d have rathered lick at another cream though.” Lapping his tongue up your body and following the trail up your belly, all the while your hands are roaming across his back. It’s hard to stay still under him as you react to his closeness, your muscles shifting in delight at the texture of his tongue, and the way his breath fans out across your tummy. Rubbing your thighs together the slightest amount as you grow wetter the closer his head gets to one of your breasts.

Almost there and your clit throbs and your body tenses.

Laughing when he shoves his face between both of your boobs, covering the sides of his face in the cream before looking up at you. “Wanna taste my cream now?” Wiggling his eyebrows and you aren’t sure where the cream ends and his hair starts.

“You’re so cheesy Dante.”

“No. But I can go get some spray cheese if you’d rather lick that up.” Shuffling and grabbing one of the strawberries to pop in his mouth before dipping his face towards yours. As his lips connect with yours you don’t bother trying to respond to him verbally, instead letting one hand slide up along the muscles of his back and tangling in his hair. Parting your lips and moaning into him as his tongue darts out to lick the inside of your mouth, tasting some of the cream and strawberry juice on him. It isn’t a long kiss as he pulls away and grabs the other strawberry, holding it to your lips and offering it to you.

“I ate two chocolate covered ones earlier. Those two were for you.” Smirking up at him as he rolls his eyes, tossing it in his mouth before reaching for the floor to grab the towel and wipe the cream off his face and one of your tits.

“I’ll remember that for next time.” Going in for another quick kiss making you gasp as he rolls his hips against yours, certain you could feel some of the fluid dripping from his tip smear against your belly. “Now to clean up this remaining mess the way you wanted.” The movement of his tongue is different this time, short quick swipes as he works his way up around to the tip of your nipple. Understanding why he cleaned the other off as he starts to circle his rough thumb against the hard nub, an involuntary roll of your hips as you sigh. The burning in your core grows hotter under his touch.

Another whine as he ignores the tip of the nipple under his mouth, his lips kissing the edge of the skin now instead of lapping at it as if it’s some sort of divine nectar instead of cheap whipped cream from a can. A few more rolls of your hips as you try to edge him on, wanting more from the white haired man however he is having none of it.

“Seems like this was more a treat for you than me.” The hand that had been massaging your other tit is now at your hip keeping you from moving while he leans more of his weight on the arm he has resting beside you as he licks everywhere but the point of your breast. Making low grunts and groans as he laps at your skin, tilting his head to make eye contact, and once he does he sends you a look that you can only describe as sinful.

“Dante, please. No more teasing.” Doing your best to plead with him as your body thrums, you want him and you’ll do anything at this point to get it. “It was just a silly idea.”

“Lucky for you.” Dipping his head and flicking the hard flesh with his tongue at last. “I like silly.” The hand at your hip pushing your underwear to the side and pushing his way inside your tight heat, while at the same time sucking on your tit like it’s the last thing he’s going to do.

Your reaction is immediate as you scream his name, your back arching and pressing your chest more into his mouth as you cum around his tip that’s barely part way inside of you. His fingers circle your clit while keeping the thin fabric that divided your bodies away from your core as he works more of himself into you, trying to drag out your orgasm as long as he can.

Growling as you respond, dragging your fingers down his shoulders and trying to press more of his body down to yours lost in the sensation before you’re panting from the overstimulation. Dante stops the movement of his fingers and lifts his head from your now abused breast, smirking at the indent of his teeth in your supple skin and the bruise forming there. Once you calm down he’ll rip those panties off your hips and fuck you for real. For now, he’s content feeling the tremors of your walls along his length while you recover from your first release of the night.

“Guess I’m not that bad of a boyfriend after all.”

#dante devil may cry #dmc5 #dante x reader #dante x you #dmc 4 #devil may cry #dante #dante sparda #x reader #twink writes #dante dmc #dante smut #dante x reader smut #devil may cry 5

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beevean · 5 months

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I was about to pass out when I wrote that last ask (cause I was sleepy) so I couldn't even complete what I was writing.

The fact he felts guilt over her death even years later proves to he did feel bad about it on a moral level rather just avoiding consequences for his actions, plus I think the fact that it bothers him that he doesn't feel bad about the bad stuff he does shows he doesn't like being a bad person even if he can't change it.

About the Ashley point, I was gonna add that part of his attitude towards Ashley after the death of Nina is the fact that the reason she did that was because she was jealous and wanted Andree for herself, which from his perspective feels incredible stupid because he's always been there for her and he's always taking care of her, even when he repeats it over and over, it isn't enough for her, it's never enough for her, which is probably when he actually started thinking all those horrible stuff about her and being actually mean to her, if Andy isn't enough for her no matter what, then why bother acting like him?

To add on, I think it's implied that him acting violent started during his breaking point towards the end of Episode 1 when he snaps and starts trying to choke her, it's his first act of actual rebellion and what starts to change their relationship, it's implied that he was docile and doormat before up to that point...so 15 years, that's a lot of restraint.

About him being an uncaring person, I feel that he can care about other people if they're close to him, like he does with Ashley and he still cares about Julia, it should also be noted that the people he ends up killing so far are complete strangers to him or people he dislikes (or tried to kill him) as shown with those wardens, that gamer girl, the hitman and his parents, considering he does felt guilt about Nina and goes to kill himself after he kills Ashley in the Decay route (although that's it's own can of worms) shows that killing people he does care about does mess him somewhat.

I be honest, IDK what was I going with this (drinking medicine after so long really messed me up) but the point is I don't think Andy is as messed up or cruel as some go so far as to saying, obviously he's far, far from a saint as you can get but I don't think he's as evil as Ashley or his mom

I figured it wasn't complete :P

No, Andrew isn't cruel. I don't think anyone can argue in good faith that he's cruel. He draws no enjoyment from the crimes he commits - the only time he expresses something resembling it is when he thinks back to the warden who was "leering on Ashley" and he regrets not killing him slower. But that's just simple brotherly protectiveness or is it

it isn't enough for her, it's never enough for her, which is probably when he actually started thinking all those horrible stuff about her and being actually mean to her, if Andy isn't enough for her no matter what, then why bother acting like him?

Aside from this being painfully relatable lol, I love how this is one of the two ways that lead to the Decay route. I've seen most people talk about entering it through Andrew accepting his mother's olive branch, which symbolizes his desire to be "normal" and blaming Ashley for everything bad he did. But Ashley not trusting Andrew with their parents also has merits - the big argument in Ch1 that ended with Andrew choking her started precisely because Ashley didn't trust Andrew, she seriously believed he wanted to fuck the lady, that he wasn't faithful to her. Ashley has severe abandonment issues and a complete lack of a sense of self-worth, which is what pushes her to force Andrew to be "stuck" with her - because no one would actually love her, if they had the choice!

Obviously Andrew, as anyone would, grows tired of this shit, the lack of trust and respect after everything he has done for her, hence the route where they grow apart :D

Again, I've gone on a tangent. I really want to talk about them <3

he still cares about Julia

That's the other thing people are split about. Did he care? And how much? When Julia says that Ashley should learn some independence (which is code for "dude she's too invested in our relationship and it's creepy), Andrew dodges the issue, justifies Ashley and talks positively about her. He asked her to tie up her hair which is very obvious why. When Julia broke up with him, Andrew could only offer a "I'm sorry, I guess? But why should I be blamed?" (although he does call out Ashley for interfering in his romantic life). Then there is the matter of the voicemails that he hears in his dream: were those made up by his subconscious? (and considering how most of them are Ashley slutshaming Julia and bragging about Andrew needing her, bro) Or did Andrew, somehow, hear them... and did nothing?

I really want to dissect Andrew under a microscope lol. He's not a poor innocent victim nor he is an abuser in the same way as Ashley... but he's such an unreliable narrator that I think most of his psyche is still shrouded in mystery.

#the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #sorry i can't give a concrete answer #it's just. there's a lot to consider

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lettuceloather · 11 months

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some things i never or rarely do as someone who has dealt with disordered eating for 10+ years.. and won’t. and no one will convince me to for my mental or physical health

nothing on my page are things i recommend for you to do. my entire page is a literal diary for my own record. however, these things help me not go too extreme and keep me sane.

i don’t count olive oil in my calories. i just don’t. i use the smallest amount possible to cook my food and keep it pushing. it needs to be there to cook my food, i’m not going to beat myself up about it and shame myself. at the end of the day i will still be in a massive calorie deficit with it without a splash of oil if i’m eating wisely. the numbers on the scale will continue to drop.

i dont fast for more than 24 hours. my body personally can’t handle it and i won’t put myself through it. fasting for long periods of time (purposefully or because of depression or other reasons) also has habitually caused me to begin a pattern of binging. it’s not for me.

i dont measure ingredients for basic meals. i’ve been cooking for a decade. i know what a cup looks like, i know what half a cup and a fourth look like. i also read packaging to know how many servings are supposed to be in something. if i’m doing my math correctly in my head the total number of servings should make sense :P

before my disordered eating started (maybe lol probably not), my friend whose mom most definitely had disordered eating and pushed it on her offered to cook us eggs one morning after a sleepover. she asked if i wanted cheese, measured her own cheese then proceeded to tell me i didn’t have to have mine measured. i’ll never forget this because she was trying to spare me from her habits but it felt like i wasn’t good enough to join her in being skinny and she was okay with me eating like “junk,” however, taking a measuring cup to measure anything for something so simple is bonkers to me :/ and really sad. we were like 14. as long as i’m aware of what i’m putting in my body and can mentally count and measure (i also have a photographic memory) i’m ok.

i will NEVER (be ok with) purge. it happened twice for the first time this year. i didn’t want to do it but i was so nauseous from not eating that when i went to eat something i did throw up. it’s so bad for your teeth. a lot of money was paid for my teeth. i had braces for 3 years. i have permanent metal in my mouth. i’m not trying to fuck up my teeth. it also does not help that much. i would rather work it off or wallow in self pity knowing i fucked up to not do it again.

i will never smoke. i’ve lost too many people to lung cancer. i won’t do it. it’s not worth it.

i don’t make my diet my friends problem. if we are eating out socially i will eat out or drink socially. i try my very best to do so within reason. i also do my absolute best to not binge while out. it’s important to help me maintain my friendships by just doing it and not trying to think about it too much. one meal out 1-2 times a month will not ruin me. canceling on my friends, avoiding plans, not enjoying myself while out will ruin my time with them and will make them not want to continue to see them. i like who i am when i am with them. they like who i am when i am with them. i try to keep my integrity and don’t let my mental health fuck that up, even when i’m struggling. i occasionally will go with i’m not hungry or let’s do this or whatever instead, however, i do not push if the plans are to get dinner. i just get the damn dinner.

i won’t rush progress. it’s dangerous. it’s bad for my metabolism. slow progress IS progress. i eat well below my calorie intake and still move my body. i drop a couple pounds a week. that is progress. it’s more than recommended and i’m not going to push my body to do more than that, especially at my age. my metabolism is already really fucked. it’s so much harder for me to maintain/keep weight off versus my friends.

i might add to this but i reached my ugw right after college. maintained it for a few years, pandemic hit, gained some of it back (not a lot), lost someone close to me last year and gained so much. i stepped on the scale one day and i saw the number that i initially saw at the doctor when i was a teenager when they told me i was overweight and needed to lose weight. it was really triggering then and it was really triggering now to hit that weight again.

when i reached my ugw i never realized how small i actually looked until recently. :/ everyone made comments and told me and i never believed them. i really thought i looked average.

the only thing that made me stop losing weight was being clinically underweight. that scared me.

#tw ana trigger #tw ana diary #tw ed rant #tw ana shit

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dashawfrostart · 1 month

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This Week In "Time & Again" #13: Lucky Thirteenth Post! And... whatever, i'm lazy 😅

62 layers

is the number of layers that the most complex page currently has in Chapter 5. And mind you, that actually might not be the final number, for some "layer work" might require slight reorganization. All for the sake of ease of turning all this into a webcomic, which is, as you already know it from this incredibly old post, an objective for the near future. Hitting an important and a peculiar stage of work right now, my mind keeps going back to questions of automation I mentioned earlier and... less earlier in regard of a somewhat different problem. Now I dream of a mass layer import algorithm for Inkscape - and PLEASE don't take me for a fool after doing your minute-long google research session on the matter! Yes, I know that mass layer import plugins for Inkscape do exist. But alas, during my last year's exploration of the problem, after spending a whole day trying to find a good plugin like that, I came to a disappointing conclusion that absolutely none of them currently work. But that would probably be a story for another day. In fact, I already have a post draft prepared, for this particular occasion 😁

Anyways,

at this point of time, Chapter 5 is at the stage of "post-production and finalization".

This is truly amazing, and I must admit, overall, I am very happy with the end result. Even though the road was not paved with nice and smooth stones, but it appeared to be sorta bumpy and crooked (or maybe it's just my perception). Even though it took me significantly more time to make it this far with it than I originally estimated - but often that never goes smooth either. Now, my main objective is to complete the cover arts and all the bonus materials that must be included. That would be my goal for the next few weeks ahead. Thus, very little is left to do - but this little stuff is pretty important for a conceptual, through-and-through synergistic endeavour such as "Time & Again". I also intend to make a few teasers for Chapter 5. At least 3, I think. I intend to... but we'll see if it actually happens, because the release is nigh(ish), but I still didn't invest my time into those small teasers. They are supposed to be pretty entertaining though. So, alongside with everything else that needs to be done, I'll try to manage.

As already has been indicated in the previous post, working on Chapter 5 sure improved my drawing skill in Krita - or rather, I found ways to do everything faster, more efficient time-wise. Which is very precious. Aside from the incredibly useful Filter Layer function that I discovered recently, one of my favourite "tricks with layers" in Krita is Erase blending mode that I was finally able to make a good use of 😅. I like to correct certain parts of the backgrounds with it, at times isolated from the other layers in a group, to avoid permanent destruction of the background in case if I want to revert back to its original version without regret or having to redo everything from scratch again. In other words, instead of using Eraser tool to destroy something forever and ever, I use a "fake erase" layer that can be turned off any time, need be. Sweet! Another one nifty layer trick I found long ago - but never used it previously in my graphic novel - is the usage of Destination In blending mode (that, for some reason, isn't even mentioned in the documentation, so I cannot provide a link 🧐). Technically, it's absolutely not necessary to use that trick, and some might even say it's counterproductive. But! - I personally like to use it in special cases when creating a background that consists of a smooth gradient that might be a challenge to fix once done. Because how many times have you tried to correct a shape that has been filled with a nice gradient to make it look like a certain spot on it was not just artificially attached?.. I remember myself from back in the day, in my photoshoppin' years, going through the pains of using Clone Stamp to try and recreate the smooth change of colour on the spots that have been added later, just to make it look like it all was made in one sitting, right off the bat. Oh boy, that brings... painful memories. So, Destination In blending mode resolves the aforementioned issue for me completely.

But alas, if it turns out I did screw up something that requires a smooth colour change - in certain other cases, primarily when correcting shapes of the foreground objects/people - I resort to the magic effects of blurring/smudging tools. Like recently I had to remove the door on the picture of a corridor and turn it into a wall corner. And can you tell it originally existed there, but has been removed afterwards? - not to sound like a stuck-up snob, but I really doubt it.

And that might sound weird, for Krita actually has a wonderful Smart Patch tool that functions pretty much identical to Photoshop's Clone Stamp I'm so used to. And you would think that that would be an ideal resolution to the problem I described just above. But no: for some reason I simply like to repaint the section that requires a correction and then to blend the colours for a smooth transition instead. Why do I do that? That I cannot tell you. Those are the mysterious ways of Frosty's artistic cognition.

Also, I finally returned to using character colour palettes. When I worked on my other, much older random pieces featuring Jade, Alan and Stu under the codename "Trio", sometime between 2010 and 2016, I used to have a special file called "Trio colour palette" that looked like a colour swatch for each character. Kind of like an eyeshadow palette, but for a significantly more important purpose. 🎨😁 I had a file like that for "Time & Again", too, but at some point of time I simply stopped using it, for the reason completely unbeknownst to me (and The Past Me probably cannot explain that either). So I found it, opened it, and decided to use from now on it while working on the current chapter and the future ones. Here's what it looks like right now (obviously, with potential spoiler notes artistically blackened with a marker brush 😁):

Yup, it's terribly messy, but I don't complain. I can navigate it with ease - and that's all that matters. ... And of course, lil old me cannot avoid a nice (and horrible) use of another videogame reference that is circled with red on the screenshot... Well, you know the drill. That's typical for me. And of course, I most certainly did not have to link back to the original, for it's very famous 😁 (dear goodness, that game definitely affected my sanity long ago... good times!).

You know what? That would probably be enough for today. I'm lazy and don't want to invest too much time and effort into writing about something that most people don't even understand anyway 🤣😅 Well at least not right now. So I wrap it up right this once and will ruminate more on some certain other topics in my next post. Cheerios!.. I mean, sorry. Cheers! (wait, what? no! instead of Cheerios, shouldn't it be Chex then, for a Doom nerd such as myself?..)

#TimeAndAgainbyDWF #This Week In Time And Again #krita #graphic novel

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zerobaseonefics · 1 year

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Hello! How are you??

I'm Luna, this will be kinda random because I haven't sent you any other asks before, but I gotta tell you, my blood is boiling right now. I'm tired of seeing almost every single day a bunch of p*rn bots interacting with my stuff (or following me), and I hate to see certain things when I go to their "blogs" in order to check if everything's safe (like, the normal things you would see in a normal blog) and confirm if I have to block them or not. Up until this is fine, I guess. Normal behaviour involving random cursed bots.

But. BUT. You know it must be a real person behind an ask, not even the Anon feature can hide that. To see people straight up asking for NSFW content about idols who happen to be literal minors... It's fucked up as hell.

Actually, and as far as these cursed Internet lands had taught me over the curse of the years, NSFW involves things that may be disturbing for the eye, such as gore and violence themes. Sensitive topics, you may say.

There's people who write that kind of stories, mostly involving Mafia, Supernatural Creatures (such as vampires and werewolves), Murder (I've noticed that the japanese sterereotype of yandere has became really popular)... I can confidently say that this fields are kind of a "safer" path to take when it comes to NSFW.

Then again, we go back to the cursed shit. The sexual themes.

I'm not a fan of that, at all. I respect authors who choose to revolve their works around it, though, but I would never read anything from that genre. However, we all know there's a limit to (almost) everything.

I'm young, I've been a teen, surrounded by all those classmates going through puberty and changes. I have basic knowledge about how the human body works, and, even if mine doesn't seem to follow those rules, I know even teenagers can experience certain feelings and emotions as actual adults do.

I can understand that there may be non-adult fans that may feel those things towards idols like they would towards any other random people. I can understand too that those idols can be minors as well, completely normal, can't say that I like it, but I won't judge.

But when those feelings and emotions come from an actual adult... That's when you know you have to ask for help. Maybe it's just that you have a mental ilness (wouldn't justify it either) and all you need is therapy, or maybe you're just a literal disgusting piece of shit who doesn't deserve to leave their house nor have access to the Internet for the rest of their useless life. All I know is that even if you wait for them to grow up, you're still the whole garbage dump.

...

I'm truly sorry for all of this, both you having to deal with those horrid creatures and me bothering you with my blabbering. I didn't mean to write that much, but I just needed to take the stuff out in hopes to feel better I guess?? Once again, if you've read all of it, I'm so sorry. I hope I'll come back with another random ask that actually involves your blog sometime! Also, keep up the good work! 💖

hey luna!! i'm venom and it's nice to meet you <3 it's a shame we get to talk for the first time because of this matter. your message is in no way bothering me, don't worry!! i even find it interesting, don't feel pressured about the fact it was long.

first, i'm so sorry you had to come across so many of this kind of blogs :// hope you won't see them anymore in the future.

just like you, as much as i respect authors who write nsfw, i avoid reading it. first, because of religious convictions, second because i just keep imagining myself in the place of the artist and i think i'd feel unconfortable seeing nsfw about me. i mean, yeah, they'll probably never see it but i don't think i could ever write one. i can read it if it's something necessary in a story for example, and it's nicely written, otherwise it's not my kind.

but i just think it's basic human decency to not write about minors. there's nothing to explain there, it's just common sense and it strikes me sm to see that it's not something logical for some ppl.... the fact that they are waiting for yujin to be an adult doesn't make them less disgusting, because it doesn't mean nothing is happening in their head. they must be thinking disgusting shit about it, the only thing they are waiting for is something to help them satisfy it and i honestly can't stand this. plus, the fact my little brother is the same age as him makes me feel even more grossed out cuz i would never want my brother to live this.

but yk? it's the internet right? and the power of being anonymous ig. no matter what we'll say i don't think anything is really gonna change for the moment...

you can come around whenever you want, whatever the topic is, don't worry <3 i'm glad you like what i'm doing, have a nice day!!

#zerobaseonefics

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ofbetterbodies · 1 year

Note

for date night: this is going to be a multiseries ask because shit is complex, BUT, here is a summary of a very complicated situation that has been going on for 3+ years... I work with a guy six years older than me. Over this time we have become really good friends, but also definitely more than ~friends~. He initiated us talking back in 2019, and since then anytime he would get drunk at work events he couldn't leave me alone. During 2021 we became closer, talking every day. (Part 1)

DATE NIGHT!!!! Send asks about dates and romance!!

(Anon's full story under the cut)

ANON. Hi love. Ok reading this made me want to give you the worlds biggest bear hug because oh my god?? Oh my goddd? First off you seem like such a genuinely sweet person and I'm so sorry this guy has been stringing you along for so long. I do want you to genuinely ask yourself what *you* want with him because ultimately that's all that matters. I hope he gets his shit together and realizes what's right in front of him- as a grown ass man. I think this gets even more complicated because you work together and no matter what happens, there will be consequences in the place you work,,, which is never good. My wish for you anon is to find the kind of shining love you deserve, in whatever manner you need it 💗💗 but also. He was cruel, you were so real for that. Clown away my babe 🤡

:readmore:

Pt 2). Over the years i have had fleeting crushes. But last year around March, my friendship feelings had turned into waaaaaaaaaaay more. We had over the course of the past year and a half been talking way too much, every day, for hours on end. There have been numerous times we have been chatting until 3am. We tell each other vastly too much. We are also chaotic shits at work, and are definitely constantly flirting (which is funny cause we're radiographers at a major trauma centre haha). 3. In May last year we spoke until maybe 2am one night and he asked if i wanted to get breakfast with him the following day post his nightshift. I said sure (I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON). We met up at a quite cafe in the city and had breakfast for two hours, we were just chatting so much. he paid and he also walked me to my car. i was so unsure about what to think of this, like was this a date? A few days later he called me beautiful in a different language (a friend had to translate it for me).

Pt 4. He went overseas in june. And during that time was sending me so many photos and selfies!!!! which was interesting because he hates being in photos. We were still chatting all the time, even though he was on the other side of the world. over this time, my feels had fully developed. At the start of august my cat died, and he invited me to his house to like "sleep" or "not sleep" lol. I wasn't up for driving. I had decided i needed to say something because all i was getting was mixed signals. Pt 5. I wrote a note on my phone app, but never sent it because i was scared. It got to october and we were meant to hand out, but never made concrete plans. we had a really weird conversation that turned a bit hmm not great. i told him he was confusing me, he asked for a list of i did, and then he gave me a piss poor response. i called him cruel. we stopped talking. i cried so much. it was awful in person, we were so awkward, wouldn't talk and wouldn't look at each other. People noticed...

Pt 6. I tried to get over my feelings and things started going back to normal in Nov. we were consistently talking again. Well then it was the work xmas party. he asked my opinion on what he should wear. He kind of avoided me for the first hour and a bit. Everyone was telling me i looked really nice and i just wanted him! to! comment! everyone was progressively getting drunk (i don't drink). i was chatting to one of my male coworkers and he literally cut in and sat between us, lol. Pt 7. We got chatting and he brought up me calling him cruel the month prior (we had never discussed those texts, but knew we had to that night). We moved outside and like started kind of chatting, but like he could not stop touching me, he went to kiss me at one point and i was like stop what are you doing, there are people here. I ended up taking him home (which was an effort). I also ended up staying with him for four/five hours... um we had a very big chat about many things. we both admitted. Pt 8. that we like each other a lot. like more than friends. i asked him how long he had liked me for. he said a long time, and i was like how long is long. he said as long as we'd been talking, and i was like but thats THREE YEARS.... he tried to kiss me again, and i was like i'm not kissing you while you're drunk. i told him i didn't want to be a drunken mistake. he said i wouldn't be, but i was scared. i changed out of my dress because stuff happened lol and had on one of his tshirts. Pt 9. i ended up leaving his house cause i got my period, so i left him a note being like we need to chat tomorrow and that i would text him when i woke up. i got home at 4am anme at like 7:30am. i was so angry and tired. we texted all day off and on. but didn't end up chatting in person for another two days. i was so anxious. we ended up chatting for over 4 hours. i cried. it was a hard conversation. we admitted that we both like each other. but he doesn't want a relationship with anyone ever. Pt 10. we gave each other some space, lol that lasted 3 days before he messaged. i cried a lot again. and now its 2023 and we are back to what we were, which is openly flirting, now in front of other people to the point they mention it to me... we chat every day. we know too much about each other. our physical contact is more than friendly.. i worked with him alone for 5 hours the other night and boy did we flirt, i could say so much, but, i am a clown over this man, and 2023 is my clown year.

#asks #anonymous #swiftied8talk

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dungeons-and-dragon-age · 3 years

Text

Needless to say the breakup hit him pretty bad :") He knew it was Fenris' good right to say no, but it still took him a while to accept it.

#I'd say what hit him hardest was that Fenris closed himself off and wouldn't let him help #he would've felt similar if their relationship was platonic but the fact that it wasn't did make it worse #because he couldn't understand why Fenris was doing this if ''leaving was the hardest thing he'd ever done''#they did eventually make up though #and stayed good friends after #even if it wounded him Liam wasn't so petty that he would shun Fenris only because he broke up #it did take them a bit of time to sort things out properly and get closure #but they don't get back together #I just figured that by the time you get that scene with Fenris in Act 3 it's been a whole 3 years #and I didn't think it'd make a lot of sense to keep yearning for so long #I imagined they would've moved on by then #that being said I HC that they resolved this much earlier #because again I just think 3 years is a p long time to avoid something like this #welp I've been rambling again oops #what can I say I love talking bout my kids #dragon age 2 #da2 #anders #hawke #oc: liam hawke #my ocs #my art

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multistan-kpopwritings · 3 years

Text

Nightly Cuddles

➟ pairing(s): ChangBin x Reader

➟ genre(s): Fluff

➟ word count: 2032

➟ warnings: None

"How long are you going to be here," MinHo asked you again, setting your bags inside the dorm?

"I have no idea," you admitted. The pipes in your apartment ruptured causing the floors to be flooded with water. "I hope not long. I hate putting you guys out like this."

"Don't be silly," a voice chimed in, "You know we love having you around." Chan entered the room and quickly welcomed you.

"I really appreciate you letting me stay while my landlord fixes this stuff," you gratefully thanked him. "Where is everyone?" You didn't see any trace of the other 6 guys.

"They're trying to rearrange sleeping space for you," MinHo said. Your eyes grew.

"Oh, no. I'm fine on the sofa," you urged.

"Like we could let 'babe' sleep on the sofa," MinHo scoffed. You narrowed your eyes at him.

"She can stay with me," a voice said sternly. Smiling you saw your best friend, ChangBin, enter with everyone. "Is that ok with you," he asked? Taking your bags, he took them to the shared bedroom.

"Guess that settles that," you giggled.

ChangBin had been one of the first people you met when you moved to Korea. He knew you better than you knew you, so it wasn't a surprise he was still your best friend after 3 years. The surprise was that he was only your best friend. No matter how funny, attractive, or perfect one thought the other was, it never went past friends.

The first few nights at the dorm were the same. Dinner, showers, bed, and secret snacks. You were sure that Chan was ready to kick you out by the third night.

"Binnie," you whispered, tucking your head into his chest. Humming, he brushed your hair off your face with one hand and cradled your head with the other. "I can get used to this," you giggled. By now your legs were entangled with his, and your arm tracing circles on his back. Humming again he used his free hand to tilt your head to his, kissing the tip of your nose.

"Go to sleep," he whispered back. You wiggled a little in his arms and grunted softly. "Stop moving," he huffed. Whining a bit you shuffled your legs around his. "Seriously, stop," he said a little more stern.

"Binnie," you whined, "I can't sleep." If he could see you, he would have scoffed at your big doe eyes. "Binnie," you said softer and sweeter.

"You can't sleep because you haven't stopped moving or talking," he scolded you. "Now, go to sleep." He kissed your forehead and cradled your head against him again. A few minutes passed in complete silence, ChangBin thought he won the night.

"Binnie," you whined again. He didn't say a word to you, but there was no mistaking his annoyance. A quick slap sounded in the room.

"What was that," Felix cackled?

"Did you spank her," Chan teased?

"Yes," both you and ChangBin exclaimed!

"Keep it up and I'll bend you over my knee and do it again," he said from gritted teeth. Felix and Chan were in tears over the whole thing, you on the other hand pouted. "Sleep, now."

The following day you pouted anytime you had to share space with ChangBin. He tried his best to make you smile but to no avail. That night when you dressed for bed, you stared at ChangBin, hating that grin on his face.

"Come on, babe," ChangBin called to you, "Just get in bed. I'm tired." You chewed your lip and caught sight of Chan walking out of the bathroom, hair, and skin wet. Climbing the steps to the top bunk you sat on Chan's bed.

"Channie, hey," you said to him. He was putting on a shirt and drying his hair when he noticed you.

"Yes, honey," he said? "What do you want?"

"Binnie is being mean still," you pouted, "Can I stay with you tonight?" Chan looked between your pout and ChangBin's scowl. Scooting closer you leaned on his shoulder and fake sniffled. "Please? I promise I'll be good tonight." The scoff from under you caused Chan to laugh.

"Best behavior tonight, Honey," Chan called to you, "Or you will get bent over the knee." Rolling your eyes you threw yourself on his pillows. It only took 5 minutes before Chan regretted letting you stay. He took his job as big spoon seriously; however, you were the worst little spoon.

"Channie," you whispered, "Can you scratch my back?" He absentmindedly did as you asked. "Can you move your arm?" ChangBin smirked at the annoyed grunt from above. "Hey, Channie. I need to pee."

"Just go," he groaned. When you were out of earshot, he leaned over the edge of the bed. "How do you deal with her moving so much? She's exhausting!"

"Are you surprised she got spanked now," ChangBin asked? "Just play with her hair and she'll stop." He smiled to himself and turned in bed, away from Chan.

Before returning to the room, you stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a small bag of gummy fruit snacks. Almost down the hall, you quickly returned for a second bag. Just a habit you figured. You stood in the doorway and looked at the bunk bed, your best friend sleeping below and your Channie above. You smiled and knelt next to the bottom bunk, brushing ChangBin's hair from his forehead.

"Binnie," you whispered. "Binnie," you said again, a little louder, shaking his shoulder. He turned to you sleepily. "Move over," you pushed him, "Come on." He smiled and opened his arms. Like two pieces to a puzzle, you laid in his arms and wrapped your legs together.

"What happened to Chan," he chuckled? You nuzzled into his chest and smiled.

"His arms are too big," you admitted. "Too heavy. I like your's better." Humming his approval, he tilted your head and kissed your nose. "G'night Binnie."

"Hey babe," he said quietly. "I'm hungry." You giggled and told him to check your pockets, where you had a treat hidden.

A few nights later you sat brushing Felix's hair. Laughing he wrapped his arms around you. "So when are you spending the night with me?" He wiggled his eyebrows at you. "I like to cuddle too."

"Alright, Lee, me and you, tonight," you laughed. ChangBin walked in and eyed you.

"Leaving me again," he joked? "You'll be back. You can't resist this." He flexed his arms and you rolled your eyes. "Come on Felix, I get to be the big spoon."

The chatter between you and Felix was nonstop. Chan finally had enough and physically removed you from the bed.

"Hey," you protested, "you can't just do this." Without warning from Chan, you were tossed on the bed next to ChangBin, startling him awake.

"What the hell," he asked sleepily, focusing on your face.

"Deal with her," Chan growled before climbing back into his bed.

"Felix wouldn't stop talking," you lied. ChangBin rolled his eyes and mocked.

"Coming from you? Yeah, ok," he chuckled in disbelief. Just like the nights before, he opened his arms and you found your favorite spot against his chest. "Were the cuddles at least good," he asked softly, trying to not bother Chan?

"Nope," you popped the word on your lips. "Too skinny. I like this," you mumbled into his chest, "Feels good." Feeling the way his body shook, you knew he thought you were amusing. But in all honesty, you did like to cuddle with him the most.

Word got around the dorm quick that you were playing musical beds to annoy ChangBin, and everyone wanted a turn. Night after night you teased your friend about needing a new sleeping partner, but night after night you still ended up in his arms, legs wrapped together and a kiss on the nose.

It was little things like Hyunjin yelling nonsense while you tried to sleep, ChangBin normally talked in his sleep but it never woke you. Han was a classic stage 5 clinger, as you like to call him, so he wrapped around your body and it was just too hot to deal with him. MinHo on the other hand was the complete opposite, you couldn't seem to get close to him without him moving. It was too cold for that nonsense anyway. SeungMin tried to snuggle you the way ChangBin did, but it didn't feel right to you. Almost forced, it didn't feel natural.

It wasn't until you laid next to I.N that someone asked the right question. "Noona," he whispered to you, turning to face you. He could tell that you hadn't fallen asleep yet and that soon you would sneak out to lay in his Hyung's bed. "Why do you keep going back to ChangBin Hyung?

"I don't know," you confessed a little embarrassed. "Maybe I like the way it feels. It's familiar and, um, well," you trailed off.

"Safe," he finished for you? "I get it. That's how I feel when you're around." You cooed and brushed his hair back. "I think he likes it too. I like you two."

"We like you too," you assured him. In the faint light, you could see him shake his head.

"No. No. I like you two," he stressed, "together. It's what I think happiness should be." You thought about what he said and realized he was right. Nothing felt right without ChangBin and no one made you feel like he did. "Goodnight, Noona," he said, turning away from you. You laid still for a little longer before I.N nudged you closer to the edge of the bed.

Throwing yourself on the sofa you turned on the television. The sound was almost muted, but the light glowed around the room. You couldn't stop thinking about what I.N said. Did ChangBin really feel that way, or was it just habit and comfortable actions that kept his doing it? Drifting in and out of sleep you let memories crowd your mind. Small things that you may have overlooked. Friendly gestures or unrequited love? A hoarse, sleepy voice called your name.

"What are you doing up at this time," ChangBin demanded, rubbing his eyes. "Do you know how late it is?" You hummed but didn't really answer. He rounded the sofa and lifted your legs to lay across his lap. "Why aren't you sleeping?" His voice was soft and soothing now.

"Thinking," you replied. He nodded his head, waiting for more of an answer. Staring at the television, you chewed on your fingers. He reached and pulled your fingers from your mouth and held them in his hands.

"Thinking about what," he inquired? He knew by the way you avoided his gaze that it was something really bothering you. "Come on, talk to me." He moved closer to you and pulled you onto his lap. "Something has you up this late. You can talk to me." Something about his voice and the way he held you made you let go.

"I talked to I.N tonight," you stated simply. "Why do you think I keep coming back to you?" He tilted his head and grinned.

"Cause I'm cute," he quipped. You let out a small laugh and slapped his chest.

"I'm serious. This isn't what normal friends do, Binnie," you continued. Taking a deep breath you leaned into his body, finding pleasure in his warmth and gentle thud of his heart.

"You're not normal, babe," he joked again. You grumbled, still not entertained.

"Friends don't call each other in the middle of the night, just to say hi. They don't crawl into each other's bed for cuddling," you let the words spill from your mouth. "I keep telling myself it might be nothing." You looked into his eyes, searching for something, anything.

"No," he held your gaze, "It's not nothing." You felt his heart begin to race. He tilted your head the same sweet way he did every night and kissed your nose, only this time tilting your head a little more toward his lips. "I know you feel it too." His breath fanned across your face as he held near to your lips. "Say it."

"I love you, too."

#skz scenarios #skz fluff #skz x reader #skz #changbin #skz changbin #skz changbin x reader #stray kids #changbin fanfic #changbin scenarios #changbin x reader #seo changbin

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danniburgh · 3 years

Text

Sins of the Flesh (priest!Dave York x f!reader)

Pairing: priest!Dave York x f!reader

Summary: His mind shouldn’t be on the new catechesis teacher as he cleaned the chalice after handing communion. His thoughts shouldn’t be on the young girl he knew for so long as he blessed the congregation and finished mass.

But you were different now. Something in you had changed. “Lord, have mercy on me.”

Word count: +10.9k

Warnings: religion! catholic religion to be precise, a lot A LOT of religious references and undertones (shot every time you find one lmao), age gap (around 15 years, reader is legal), smut, unprotected p in v, oral sex, breaking of celibacy vows!, catholic guilt, me making divine metaphors... i think thats it.

A/N: first of all this is all @asta-lily’s fault, she asked why no one had turned this man into a priest and i said “ok ill do it” so i did it, she is to blame. also i wanna say thanks to the pocket wives that encouraged this creation, sorry my loves, this isnt as slutty as yall thought lmao, and thanks to @alliterative-albatross who gave me all the bible verses that shaped this story as well. and i wanna thank the creator of this playlist that i listened over and over while writing this, and yeah, sorry for this monstrosity, love you <3

Masterlist // Read on ao3 // ko-fi

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓

moodboard by @asta-lily

“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”–James 4:12.

Sunday 1.

Like a piece in a puzzle.

That’s how you fit in.

There, sitting in the middle of a ten people polished wood bench, eyes on the four feet tall crucified Jesus on the wall above the altar, ready for the first sermon you were to hear after coming back home.

Home. That was the name.

That church felt like home.

You were enjoying sitting there, among the children you met a couple of hours earlier when you were introduced to them as their new catechesis teacher, breathing in and out the myrrh incense burning and invading the navel and your lungs, filling them with new energy, getting them ready to feel the love that you were sure was about to pour over you.

You heard your name behind you and you turned around to see Mrs. Stevens, one of your mother’s friends waving at you from two rows behind.

“Hi, honey!” she smiled at you and immediately you reciprocated “I heard you were in town, are you staying this time?”

You drowned a chuckle inside your chest and bit your lip, nodding. Just realizing you even had missed the venomous messages hidden behind the kind words mouthed by old catholic moms.

“Yes, Mrs. Stevens, I’m staying this time.” you replied, the woman lifted her hand a bit to the sky and you smirked to her.

“God bless, I bet your mom is delighted you’re here!” she muttered “I know she missed you terribly all those years you were in that school.”

“It’s called college, Mrs. Stevens,” you reminded the woman, and she rolled her eyes, making you chuckle softly again “but do not worry for my mama anymore, I graduated, I’m staying for good.” you told her, amused at the way she acted as if you staying at home was some godsend blessing.

The organ began to play on the upper balcony behind everyone and you saw two altar boys, carbon copy of each other, almost rushing their way to the altar, and behind them… Father Dave.

You smiled softly at the sight of him as he walked solemnly to the altar, his green chasuble flowing with the air and the movement, there was a thought you had all those years you were away from home because of school, always coming back to Father Dave York: the young priest that decided to stay in the first congregation he was sent to, the one that became a pillar to the community, the holy man that held the direct link to God and that gave you your first communion, the one you missed when you went to attend mass at the church near campus because no one gave the sermons like he did. For some reason, whenever you least expected, you thought of him.

You saw him putting his bible on top of the pressed cloth over the altar, kneel and kiss the center of it and cross himself. And then, after he closed his eyes and muttered a prayer to himself and to God, he opened his deep brown eyes and he looked at you.

“Let us pray.”

Your mouth dried when his deep timbered voice, with the help of a small microphone on his altar, wrapped the entire navel and you with it, he looked at you as he cleared his throat and he opened his arms to the sky, breaking eye contact with you.

“Lord, have mercy.” he murmured, and the congregation replied to his prayer as you struggled to find the air that had escaped your lungs.

As Father Dave guided the congregation through the sermon and through the prayers, all you could see was him.

In some way, there was something different about him you hadn’t noticed the last time you were there; you didn’t know if it was something about his deep voice as he recited the credo by muscle memory, the way he walked from one side of the sanctuarium to the other as he talked about the scripture or the way his hands wrapped around the chalice when one of the altar boys handed it to him as the organ echoed all around the navel, announcing the communion.

You stood up and walked to the back of the line and sighed as he lifted the wafer to the sky, and your eyes closed by themselves when he lifted the chalice and took a sip from the sacramental wine and locked your eyes on him as the line moved.

As soon as you were in front of him your lips parted and he smiled at you softly.

“The body of Christ.” he murmured, his deep brown eyes on yours as they filled with tears.

“Amen” and you opened your mouth.

He put the wined wafer between your lips and his thumb brushed with your chin, making your skin burn as you brought it inside of your mouth with your tongue and forced yourself to walk away from him.

As you returned to your seat with the gold cross that hung from your neck between your fingers and kneeled to pray for the forgiving of your sins, all you could think of was brown, deep eyes, and a soft, brief touch on your chin that burned more than the wax of a burning taper.

Dave felt it.

The way you looked at him throughout the entire service.

And it made him feel different.

When you rose from your seat to walk to the communion line, he saw the way your body moved, almost as if you were floating instead of walking.

He knew you were back, and his heart was happy you were finally home.

But he didn’t expect to see you so changed.

And he didn’t expect the way your eyes had made him feel.

Then you were in front of him, and he smiled because he remembered the first time he handed the body of Christ to you, years and years before.

And your eyes filled with tears as his breath hitched when your lips parted for him as he fed you the sacred soul of the savior.

God, have mercy.

His mind shouldn’t be on the new catechesis teacher as he cleaned the chalice after handing communion. His thoughts shouldn’t be on the young girl he knew for so long as he blessed the congregation and finished mass.

But you were different now. Something in you had changed.

Lord, have mercy on me. He thought as he entered the sacristy.

“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”–Proverbs 28:13.

Sunday 2.

“Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.” Dave heard your voice next to him and felt the air leave from his lungs. Not you, please God, not you.

You had been avoiding Father Dave for almost the entire week.

And you felt guilty about it.

You couldn’t even look at him in the eyes and not think about those dreams you were having about him.

If God was all love and perfection, why was he tempting you with dreams of Father Dave, his own servant, touching you in places you got shivers from, warming your body with his own, putting his mouth on your skin as you repeated his name like it was the sanctus?

Holy, holy, holy.

Why was God putting inside your head the sins of the flesh you had already asked forgiveness for? Why was he making you desire a forbidden man? A man that was not to be perceived as a man but as the representation of him on earth.

That morning, when you walked into the church to impart the catechesis class, you saw Jesus on the cross and you saw him look at you. And you knew he knew.

All omnipresent, all omniscient, all omnipotent.

You couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Almighty God why were you thinking about him so much?

And the resolution in your mind was asking for forgiveness, you needed to pay penitence for those thoughts you knew you did.

But were you really about to confess to the man you had been dreaming about that he was invading your every thought?

“It has been two weeks since my last confession.” you mumbled, playing with your cross over your neck, Dave breathed in deeply and intertwined his hands on his lap.

“What are your sins?” he asked, closing his eyes as he remembered his own.

Dave was always a man of faith. It was in him from birth. He had been taught and trained to not fall into any temptations and so far his life had been devoted and dedicated to God and only to God.

But your eyes and the way you saw him, and the way your eyes made him feel when they locked on his, had him spiraling down into decadence.

Sometimes, dedicating his life to the word of the Lord made him forget he was still a human, he was still a man.

He had needs.

And he was alright before your eyes. Before your holy eyes were on him.

He had dreamed of them; he had thought of them; he had imagined them when he was in the limbo between sleep and awakeness.

He had dreamed of your lips, of your lips on his skin, he had thought of those lips that just looked like they needed someone to wet them and bring them back to life; he had imagined those lips of yours in places of his body he swore never to use.

He had prayed for them to disappear; he had begged to his God to erase those thoughts of his mind and free them from the temptation that was incarnated in you, in your body, in your eyes that denied to see him when you were in the same room, in your hands as you moved them to teach the children, in your legs trapped in the tight denim of your jeans, in your lips as you smiled to everyone but him, in your entire being, just by existing.

But they had increased, like a tamed flame sprayed with gasoline. He had a fire in his chest, one that was spreading through him as he was closer to you.

He needed them gone; he had sworn to never look at a woman as an object of desire; he had sworn on his life and he had vowed his commitment.

But you were there, kneeling next to him, separated by the thinnest patterned panel, holding the matches and the fuel.

“I’ve been having… improper thoughts, father,” you whispered, closing your eyes and left your necklace alone, clutching your hands together as tight as you could, you felt the aura change and the air grow thicker between him and you, “about a man.”

Dave opened his eyes at your confession and frowned. A man?

He knew you could tell him whatever you wanted; he knew he wasn’t allowed to ask in for details; he knew he was only there functioning as a link for you to get absolved from your sins and you were a young woman granted of free will and enough time to ask for absolution but he wanted to know; he needed to know who that man was.

“He is ol–older than me,” he heard you mumble and his hands tightened their grip on each other “and I can’t have him, father, I–I’ve been having these thoughts about a forbidden man.”

Dave’s mind went reeling, and he didn’t understand why. He didn’t like to assume about the life of his congregation members, he never did, but you were talking to him, after he had been dreaming about you for days, after you two shared something about desiring another man. And he was angry. He wanted to know who. He wanted to know who was keeping your mind the same way you were keeping his.

“He keeps me up at night, thinking of him, that is,” you whispered “I’ve–Jesus,” you let out the air of your lungs and Dave breathed in deeply once more “I’ve touched myself thinking of him.” you said under your breath and Dave felt his chest tug and turn.

“Does this man… know what he is causing in you?” he muttered with a frown and heard you sigh.

“No, I don’t want him to.”

“Alright, child,” he replied after a few seconds, and made a grimace of disgust at the pet name. It felt wrong, and he felt dirty with the word on his mouth, “do you repent these sins?”

“Yes, father, I do.” you closed your eyes at his words and wanted, for once, to be brave and tell him he was the one roaming around your mind. But it wasn’t fair.

“Please, recite in silence the act of contrition,” he muttered to you and you obeyed, feeling your eyes fill with tears.

As he waited for you to finish, he did the same on his side of the confession box

I’m choosing to sin and failing to do good.

“Amen.” you said, and he murmured the word to the ceiling.

“I think the word you do for the church,” he started, and you wrinkled your nose at the thought of him knowing it was you “the devotion you have, and how you repent, you don’t need to pay penance,” he muttered separating his hands and putting two fingers on the edge of the patterned panel that separated the two of you “through the ministry of the church,” your breath hitched as he whispered the words to you, and you saw with teary eyes the shadow of his fingers on the panel “man God give you pardon and peace,” you bit your lip and unclutched your hands, lifting your fingers and pressing it to his as two heavy tears fell from your eyes.

Dave felt the pressure of your touch and felt his hand tremble.

“And I ab–absolve you from your sin.” he said under his breath, pressing back.

“Thank you, father.” you whispered, not moving your fingers. You could feel the warmth of his through it and for a few seconds, you could also feel his eyes on your face.

Dave was the one to break the contact first. Absentmindedly brushing his fingers on his stole as he saw the shadow of you move and get out of the confession box.

He sat there, thankful you were the only one that morning and thinking about what you had told him.

A man of God, a man of hope. He had hoped, even if it was a sin and even if it was forbidden by pure creed and vow, that you were feeling the same as he was.

For a moment, he wondered about those thoughts… Were you thinking about that lucky old man touching you? Were you thinking about that man kissing you? What did that man look like? He wanted to be that man; he wanted to be the one whose touch you desired; he wanted to be that man you thought of as you sneaked your hand inside your underwear at night and brought yourself to pleasure. He wanted to be the one whose kiss you yearned for as your sex ached for attention; he wanted to be the one whose fingers you imagined as your own were buried deep inside you.

He fisted the flesh of his thigh over his dress pants and forced himself to stop thinking of you like that.

Dave stayed inside the confession box for twenty minutes more, praying for forgiveness, as he had done every night since you had been back.

At service, he saw you further back on the benches and he tried not to sneak glances at you as you sat there with your precious eyes on the crucifix above him, avoiding him at all costs.

And at communion, he tried not to brush your soft skin with his fingers as he fed you the wined wafer, failing when his knuckle brushed your cheek, his chest deflating when he noticed the way your face quirked in pain when you muttered Amen at him. Dave tried not to make anything of the fact that you kneeled more time than anyone else on the congregation after receiving the communion.

And when the service was over and he was alone in the sacristy, he tried and failed to not think about your skin, your eyes, your hands and your lips all over his neglected body.

That sunday night Father Dave masturbated in the shower thinking about you with your fingers deep inside you as his mind imagined it was him you thought of when you touched yourself in the darkness of the night and prayed for forgiveness.

He shouldn’t be thinking about you like that.

“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.”–1 Peter 2:11.

Sunday 3.

“Father, sh–shit,” you bit your lip to stop yourself from moaning as your pointer and middle fingers circled your wet clit under the covers of your bed, your legs spread open, the soft cotton of the sheets grazing softly at your inner thighs as you imagined your fingers being one of Father Dave’s, as you imagined him next to you, with his arm above your head as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear and nibbled at your neck while his other hand played your clit like a master pianist. You imagined the hardness of his erection pressing patiently on the skin of your hip, wetting it with pre-semen, making your body burn with the feeling of his warm naked body beside you.

As your other hand played with your nipple you imagined his eyes taking you in, you imagined his lips on your skin, were they soft? you bet they were, and you bet as well his hand would be surprisingly rough for a priest.

“Jesus, fu–fuck.” the knot inside your lower belly exploded with the thought of him and his hand and his body and his lips and his priesthood and you came with a silent scream that made your ears ring for a few seconds and your legs tremble on the bed.

As you hazed out, ready to fall asleep again before your alarm went off to go to work at the church, you felt that familiar guilt cripple inside you and settle in your chest, warming up and leaning against your heart.

Dave was panting, he fisted his hand as he leaned on the tiled wall of his shower and his other hand moved desperately on his cock. The water was still warm, and he closed his eyes shut as he imagined it was your hand on him, giving him the pleasure he was seeking, as he imagined you were behind him, your lips brushing against the wet skin of his back, your free hand around his chest, gliding softly at his skin, making him whimper with your touch.

It was so early for him to be so hot over you again; it wasn’t good for him to give into these desires he had and had been praying so hard and so much to get rid of.

He didn't want to keep doing it and he surely didn’t feel good after it, but his body ached for you, his chest turned every time he thought about you, every time he saw you around the church, he felt the deepest, hottest desire for you and your hands and your body and he just couldn’t help it.

His hand gripped and pumped as fast as he could and he came with a silent groan, opening his eyes as he finished milking every drop of his seed and watched it mix with the shower water and go down the drain. Along with the decency and morality that was left inside him.

You heard your name being said, and you turned around as you finished picking up your things from the small desk you used to teach the catechism; you saw Mrs. Vega, the church custodian, a small, old lady that had known you forever, walking towards you.

“I’m sorry dear, but I want to ask you for something.” she said when you smiled at her.

“Of course, Mrs. Vega, what is it?” you put your small book inside your bag and hung it from your shoulders.

“You see, the little twins that help Father Dave are sick today,” you frowned at the mention of Father’s Dave name but let out a sad sigh at her statement, “and they can’t come help with the service, you’re the youngest of the teachers, could you do it?”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise and felt your stomach churn inside you at the thought of standing next to the altar for a whole service.

“Me?” you asked, your voice in a high pitch as Mrs. Vega reached for your arm and tugged you to walk out of the chapel and into the navel of the church.

“Yes, dear, remember only the youngest get to do it.” she obviated, pulling you with her to the transept and up two steps to the sanctuarium “you only need to hand him the communion things and the holy water, I will prepare everything for you.”

“Why don’t you do it?” you asked in a whisper, not daring to take a step further closer to the altar. Mrs. Vega turned to look at you, and she narrowed her eyes.

“Since when are you shy, girl?” she asked with a teasing smile “I remember you singing in that kiddie choir we used to have and doing it terribly,” you chuckled at the memory and bit your lip “it’s only until the boys get that bug they got out of them.” she palmed your arm, and you breathed in deeply.

You looked up at the crucified Jesus above the altar and silently begged him for anticipated forgiveness.

Dave almost cursed when he saw you standing next to the altar as he walked across the navel.

The thought of who would replace Bobby and Chris on their altar duties didn’t even cross his mind as he was more worried about praying for the boys and sending them some sweets and pleading for the cleansing of his soul after the incident on his shower earlier that morning.

As he stepped up to the sanctuarium your eyes locked on his and he noticed you lips parting when he nodded his chin once at you, he noticed the way you swallowed as you nodded back and for a brief second, his imagination ran wild and made him believe you felt the same way as he did about you.

Even if it was the wrongest thing to think about.

It was like torture.

An hour of torture.

You got to see him kneel behind the altar and kiss the white pressed cloth softly as he stood, as you wanted and wished to be the altar’s cloth he pressed his plump lips on, he crossed himself and you mimicked his movements. And for a brief fraction of a second, as he opened his arms to the sky, you saw him looking at you out of the corner of his eye. And his eyes burned in your skin, they made you feel like your chest was aflame.

The communion time arrived, and he turned to you as you grabbed the chalice with the wine, his eyes locked with yours and you felt them weigh heavy on your body.

Dave couldn't concentrate, he felt on his side the way you were looking at him. It was heavily distracting for him to have you there, in his space, so close to him.

His hands brushed yours when he took the chalice from you and he stood there for less than a second, his fingers on yours. His soft touch and warm skin made your lips tremble with the emotion that touching him gave you. You felt a shiver go up and down your spine and the small hairs of your nape rose as his hands trapped yours.

You caught your lip between your teeth as he broke the contact and you knew he noticed; he looked at your lip as you bit it, and you blushed under his and God’s gaze.

You watched him and he felt you observing him as he prepared the wafers and wined them inside the chalice.

Your throat knotted when he lifted the cup to the sky and you felt your mouth dry as he brought the rim to his lip and his neck strained while he took a sip of the sacramental wine.

Because of the closeness you could see the movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed the wine, you noticed a small drop of the crimson red liquid escape from his lips and the way he trapped it with his tongue settled deep inside your belly and leaked through your sex.

The pain of the greatest guilt you’ve ever felt in your short life appeared again and clawed its way inside your chest and to its now usual spot right next to your heart, you were struggling to keep your thoughts at bay; you were looking at Father Dave, right in front of you, doing what he dedicated his life to, and you were imagining him using his hands on your body instead of handling the instruments of the church.

Would he touch you like that? would he treat you with the same delicacy as he treated the body of Christ? would he caress you as softly as he did the chalice? would his mouth be warmed with your taste as it was by the wine he drank?

Dave turned to you and he saw you clutching your hands together, you walked towards him slowly, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the way you moved, almost as if air went through you, as if instead of giving steps your feet barely touched the floor because you were floating.

Everything slowed down, the music of the organ in the balcony, the prayers of the congregation, even the way he moved slowed down so he could focus on your face; on your sweet eyes, those that had brought into him the feeling of humanity, on your soft skin that had scorched his hand when he dared brushed his fingers on it, on your lips, those lips that he couldn’t pray out of his head.

He lifted his hand with the wined wafer, and even the way those holy lips of yours parted was slowed down.

Your eyes connected with his and Dave felt it in his body, deep inside his stomach, the temptation, the whispers of his mortal body as it reacted to your actions; he put the wafer between your lips delicately and pushed it inside your mouth, and then, as if by the grace of God in the heavens, you closed your mouth while he did it, and your lips wrapped softly around the pad of his finger as he pulled them away from you.

And just like that, the world started moving at its usual pace.

His skin tasted sweet. And you spent the rest of the service thinking about what other parts of him would taste like that.

Would his neck taste the same if you kissed it? would his chest feel like that if you nibbled on it? would his lips be that warm or would they be warmer?

Dave’s finger was burning.

He wanted to chop it off his hand just to stop feeling that flesh-eating guilt of enjoying your lips, your soft, warm lips around it, touching his skin, wetting it with the slick of your mouth.

After the service ended and Dave blessed the congregation, he saw you rush to the exit and he felt the sting of the guilt and the sadness. He wanted to talk to you and offer his apologies before you went home.

Sunday 4.

You weren’t there.

And Dave missed your eyes on him.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”–Romans 12:1.

Sunday 5.

As soon as you walked into the church you felt the eyes of all omnipresent beings on your body. As if the desire that burned deep inside your body left marks all over your skin, that could be visible for all those that looked carefully enough.

You heard your name behind you and jumped slightly, startled. You turned around and felt your blood fall to your feet.

“Father Dave,” you muttered, more to help yourself acknowledge the fact that there he was, standing in front of you, out of habit, his white tab collar was the only piece of his attire that hinted the fact that he was a priest. You tried to control your body as you felt instantly that flame inside your chest beginning to spread.

“You weren’t here last week,” he said, hesitating to step closer to you “are you okay?”

You nodded a few times and bit your lip to stop it from trembling.

“Are you sure?” Father Dave asked, and you dropped your eyes to the floor and saw him give a couple of steps towards you, your breath hitched and your entire body began to shiver when you felt his hand on your arm “I’m sorry.” he whispered.

“What?” you looked up to see him and you could notice his pained quirk, his brow furrowed, his eyes narrowed and his lips… those lips you had spent all but two weeks imagining printing themselves and making marks on your skin, on a sad, downwards line.

“Can I please talk to you?” he said again in a whisper and you opened your mouth to reply, but only air came out, “please?”

His deep brown eyes were on yours and you felt your chest turn by the feeling of having him so close. You nodded, and he turned to the sides, as if he was making sure there was no one there, and guided you to the sacristy.

“What are you doing?” you asked, a bit altered when he opened the door and let you in first, followed you and closed the door behind him.

“I just needed to be alone with you for a minute,” he clarified, you let your eyes wander around the small space where he got ready every day for the services instead of letting them settle on him, because you knew being that close to him wouldn’t help your situation at all “I wanted to apologize.”

You frowned and looked at him. He had his back almost glued to the door and his hands together, his thumbs fidgeting with each other.

“Apologize for what?” you muttered, and he sighed.

“I’m–I make you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry.”

Dave felt stupid telling you that, but it was his truth; he spent every free moment of his days when you weren’t near him thinking maybe it was because of him. It would make sense, that you didn’t want to be there because you didn’t like his closeness, that you didn’t want to be there because he was taking advantage of his position to steal glances and give furtive touches.

He understood, but you were an excellent woman, devoted and committed to the congregation, and he knew he needed to stop or you would leave and he would never see you again. And he couldn’t have that.

“You aren–you…” you babbled, and then the look he gave you made you lose your words.

His eyes were all over you. And you could feel them on your skin, how they took you in, how they navigated through your body and every inch of you was immediately on fire.

Then he looked at your face and you swore you could see in his brown eyes the deepest form of devotion there was. And your mouth was agape and your eyes filled with tears and suddenly he was in front of you and his hands were orbiting your face.

“Can I touch you?” he said, and you nodded.

He cupped your face, and you felt his warm, rough hands scorching your skin as you closed your eyes. His warmth started mixing with your own and you could feel him inside you already. It was as if everything you needed in life was already there.

“You don’t make me uncomfortable,” you whispered, closing your eyes as his fingers started caressing the skin of your face, tracing your features “I swear you don’t”

Dave let out a sigh when his thumb traced the edge of your lips and he so wanted to lean down and take them in his. There had been so long since he last kissed someone and he, for a split second, forgot everything about him and the only thought in his mind was you.

“I don’t?” he asked under his breath as a tear rolled down your cheek and he brushed it off with his knuckles, you shook your head and opened your eyes and he felt his heart fill with the purest love he had ever felt in his life “you swear?” you curled your lips up and nodded twice.

“Can I tell you something?” you muttered, looking up at him and losing yourself in the depths of his brown eyes.

“Always.”

You allowed your hands to slide to his shoulders and you let out a relieved sigh. They fit perfectly.

“Yo–you are…” he nodded his chin, his hands still cupping your face softly as his eyes studied your face, you let out a trembling sigh and grabbed as much courage as you had left within you “you are the man I’ve been thinking of all this time.”

Dave widened his eyes and the movements of his hands stopped, he looked at you, searching for any hint of mischief or lie, searching for something that could tell him you were lying, that you were playing with him. But there was none.

“That’s why I wasn’t here last week,” he heard you say as he felt his heart burn with the flames of his desire and love “I was embarrassed after what happened at the communion.”

You looked at him for a second, waiting for the rejection, waiting for him to tell you what you already know, that he can’t for you what you wanted him to be, that he can’t give you what you wanted as his duty was with God and not with the mortals, let alone with a woman.

Father Dave had resigned to the pleasures of the mundane world; you knew that, but you also knew he deserved to know, even if nothing would happen.

“Am I?” he asked you, bewildered after such confession, you nodded and moved your hands to cup his face, a gesture that made him close his eyes. You wondered when was the last time, if ever, he had been touched like that “we can’t” he replied, opening his eyes and leaning in to you.

You could feel his breathing mixing with yours as the implications of his words fell on you.

“We can’t” he repeated, pushing his forehead to yours as you trembled under his touch.

“You want to?” you asked him and Dave asked for guidance in his mind as you started crying and wetting his hands. He nodded, and you sobbed.

“I can’t” he whispered, and you shook your head as he looked at you pouring your feelings from your eyes.

“Kiss me.” you pleaded, looking into his brown, deep eyes. Making him frown.

“What?”

“If you’re not gonna give me anything, at least kiss me.”

His face quirked from confusion to pain in an instant, and you gripped the hold on his face.

“Please, Dave.”

Dave sighed at the way you whispered his name without calling him a father, and deep inside him he was grateful. With you he didn’t feel like a man of god, with you, letting him touch you and touching him back, he only felt like a man. Like the man he never got the chance to be.

“I–I” he started, and you shook your head. Dave looked into your eyes and all the air he had stored in his lungs left his body in a hurry, you were the most precious being he had ever seen, and for a second, he wanted nothing but to make worth the fact he had you in his hands “shit.” he said under his breath.

Dave brought your face up to him and printed his lips on yours, stealing the little air and the close to no coherence you still had in you. You let out a soft moan out of the surprise and out of the feeling of your entire body warming up to his temperature.

His lips were as soft and as wars and better than you had imagined, they were a bit dry and hesitant on yours, but the contact of them with yours made you feel like you were floating away from the realm of the living.

Dave didn’t want to stop kissing you. He didn’t remember the last time he had kissed a woman, and in that moment he wasn’t kissing any woman he was kissing you; the precious being that had been in his mind for weeks and that had never left.

Unsure of his movements, he let you take control of the contact and soon enough you were sliding the tip of your tongue along the seam of his lips, Dave let out a surprised grunt and opened his mouth slightly of you, and you took his lower lip with your mouth. And he let you kiss him all you wanted, enjoying the contact of your slow, wet, warm lips on his less experienced ones until he was sure his lungs were screaming from the lack of air.

When he broke the kiss, he left a small one on your forehead and pressed his lips there and you closed your eyes to feel him settle inside you

“I’m sorry.” you whispered to his neck. And he nodded slightly.

“Me too.”

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”–Matthew 5:28.

Sunday 6.

Your knuckles grazed softly with the sacristy door and you heard the muffled noise of the latch and the door opened.

“Hi,” you smiled and Dave looked at you up and down “got your text.”

“Come in.” he motioned his hand for you to hurry and you turned your head to both sides and walked into the sacristy, closed the door behind you and slid the latch.

Immediately after the door was locked, you felt his hands on your waist and his chin on your shoulder.

“This is why you texted me?” you teased and he moved to let a kiss on your jaw.

“I missed you.” he muttered and turned your body around for you to face him.

“You didn’t.” you smiled at him and wrapped your hands around his neck, grateful for the apparently deliberate choice of him to take off his tab collar.

“Yes, I did, I missed you all day.” Dave leaned towards you and took your lips in his, already knowing, after less than a week’s practice, how you loved being kissed.

His lips were as warm as they always were, his tongue barely present if not just to taste the sweetness of your lipstick, his hands always steady on your waist, and at the end, his forehead on yours, just taking in your breaths with his.

“Mass starts soon.” you said, and he nodded, sliding his hands to your middle back to wrap you closer to him.

“I know.” he left another brief kiss on your lips.

“You gotta get dressed.” you murmured against his lips.

“I know.” he muttered back and kissed you again.

“Want me to help?” you asked under your breath, just for him, as if you saying it as low as you could would stop God from listening.

“Yes, I would love that.” Dave replied and gave into another deep kiss that stole both your breath and made you want to stop the time so you could kiss until your lips fused together.

“C’mon you need to get ready.” you broke the kiss and stepped away from him, making him smile. You wandered around the sacristy and found his tab collar. You sighed and took it in your hands.

Dave looked at you and noticed the way you looked at the soft plastic piece, he walked towards you and raised his hand to grab yours. As you felt his hand on yours; you turned your head to look at him and smiled softly, and you moved your hands, raising them to carefully lift the collar of his shirt and clasp the piece around his neck.

“You okay?” he asked in a whisper, you nodded and bit your lip at the sight of him in front of you.

Dave moved and walked to the small table against a wall with a large bowl of water and you gazed at him as he washed his hands and whispered a few words. You leaned onto the wall just looking at him go to a small cabinet near the opposite corner and took a white, folded linen garment, which he unfolded and you recognized as the long robe he used under all his attire.

He slid it off and whispered another prayer again as he let it fall and graze his ankles. His eyes went to you and you smiled at him, he next grabbed a green square that you also recognized and you walked to him and took it out of his hands.

“Let me do it” you whispered, and he nodded, you unfolded the long stripe that was the stole and found its middle, Dave crouched a bit to help you and you let it fall around his neck over his shoulders.

“Return to me the stole of immortality,” he whispered, looking at your eyes, your throat dried at the deepness of his voice “which I have lost in the sin of my first parent and although I, unworthy,” he continued and took your hand in his “approach thy sacred mystery grant to me everlasting joy.”

You gripped his hands and felt your throat knotting around itself.

“Why are you praying to me?” you asked under your breath. He cupped your chin with one hand and brought you close to his face.

“You’re holy.” he whispered and left a soft kiss on your lips.

“Stop it.” you chastised him and he shook his head, giving you a soft smile that you reciprocated immediately.

You turned to the table and saw a long, golden cord and you took it.

“Not that one.” he muttered, and you frowned.

“Why not?” you saw him taking a deep breath as he took it from your hand and left it back on the table.

“The cincture… it means chastity and continence.” he replied under his breath and you let out all the air of your lungs as he took his chasuble and put it on without looking at you.

“Dave.” you called, and he lifted a hand to you as he said the last prayer. When he finished, he looked at you and as if he read your mind, he smiled at you and shook his head.

“Don’t,” he whispered, taking you again in his hands and pulling softly so your head rested on his shoulders “don’t apologize please.”

“I need to,” you mumbled against the light fabric of the green chasuble “I’m keeping you from your vow.”

Dave grabbed your shoulders and pulled you away from his body, his hands slid to your face and you gripped his wrists as he brought your face to his.

“You’re not doing anything, my love,” he muttered the last words directly on your lips as he stole a few kisses from your trembling mouth “you’re perfect,” he panted out and you shook your head “I’m doing this because I want to, please understand it,” he kissed you again, a bit more desperately “you’re the most divine creation I’ve ever laid my eyes and hands upon,” he whispered rapidly on your lips “and I want you to be mine.”

You gasped as the words left his mouth, and he gazed at you.

“Dave...” you started, but he didn’t let you finish, he wrapped his arms around you and brought your body to his, tightening the embrace as he thought of the implications of what he just asked.

Dave lifted his eyes to the ceiling and for the first time in years, with you slowly wrapping your arms around his waist, exactly over the place the cincture was supposed to go around, and the sweet aroma of your perfume inundating his senses, he felt really close to heaven.

“I want you to be mine too.” you whispered into his ear, and he smiled, leaving a kiss on top of your head.

“How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!”–Song of Solomon 7:6.

Sunday 7.

You stirred on your seat again, the organ was playing the latest song before Dave would bless the congregation and wrap up the service and you were nervous.

You glanced at the crucified Jesus above him and you felt his eyes on yours; you felt him shove his holy hand on your chest and as the last notes of the song inundated the navel, you felt your throat sting with the green tint of your deep guilt, but at the same time, the rest of your body drown with the red warmth of your love and desire for Dave.

Is it worth it? you heard inside your head and your immediate response was yes.

Eternal damnation in exchange for a few hours of love. It was condemnedly worth it.

The service was over and you stood up with the rest of the congregation; you talked with a few people on your way out of the church and slowly and patiently you waited for everyone to disperse.

You walked around the gardens outside the church and slid between the gate that marked the beginning of Dave’s small house inside the church grounds. You rummaged around your small bag and pulled out the key he had given you earlier and with nervousness and the familiar guilt settled next to your heart; you let yourself into his house.

You turned on the lights. The space wasn’t big, but it wasn’t small and everything around smelled like him. For a priest’s home, the place lacked religious imagery, and you automatically chastised yourself for thinking about his priesthood again.

You sat on the loveseat next to the door as you waited for him and got dragged inside your head again; you talked about doing that throughout the week and you had agreed it was something you both wanted. But your head sent you through an unwanted train of thought and you sat there, thinking about the future. Something you hadn’t talked about.

After all, he would still be a priest and you would still be a young member of his congregation. You could spend time with him and let you love him and let him love you as much as you two wanted, but in the future… what else was there for you?

You could never ask him to leave his habit for you, you could never ask him to leave his life for you, you could never do something like that to him. But you were unsure if something like that had any other path but failure.

The door opened and there he was, unclasping his tab collar and dropping it on the end table as you rose from your seat and walked to him. He smiled at you and his hands found his place on your waist.

“You’re here.” he said, not surprised but relieved.

As he took off his attire in the sacristy and walked to his house from the church, he had a few minutes to think about what he was about to do. He didn’t allow himself to overthink it because if there was something he knew was that he wanted it; he wanted it more than he had wanted anything in his life. He couldn’t explain it even if he tried, but he knew there was something about you that made him feel human, there was something about you that made him feel like he belonged somewhere, maybe the way you talked to him, maybe the way you kissed him, maybe the way you always seemed to understand the moral and spiritual dilemma he was in. He didn’t know, but he knew that he loved you, even if he wasn’t supposed to, even when he wasn’t allowed.

And as he thought of it, love was one of the laws of the God he represented, and he felt it deeply.

“I’m here.” he pulled you to him as you wrapped your arms around his neck and nodded.

“Thank you.” you closed your eyes and bit your lip, shaking your head at him.

You felt his lips on yours as they re-discovered your kisses and his hands roamed to your middle back to press your chest to his.

You were amazed by how fast he had learned how you liked to be touched, how you liked to be kissed and caressed, as if he was just trying to commit to memory everything you ever wanted and he wanted to do it to you to please you.

Dave slid his hands from your back down to your hips and moved you softly to the side, without breaking the kiss he snaked his hands to the back of your thighs and lifted you. You smiled in his mouth and wrapped your legs around his waist as he walked to his bedroom.

When you crossed the doorframe you started leaving small kisses on the skin of his neck and he sat on the edge of his bed with you in his lap, you were already feeling the hardness growing inside his pants and his hands started grazing up and down your thighs as he let you taste his neck how you best pleased.

Dave was in a haze. He understood then the power of physical touch combined with deep love; it enhanced the sensations, the flame inside his chest was burning him from the inside out with a deep desire he was sure he had never felt before, and you were there, moving slowly on his lap as you devoured the skin of his neck and kissed slowly around his jaw.

“Dave,” you whispered as you licked his earlobe and pulled out a shiver from him, he hummed in question “touch me.”

He didn’t hesitate on questioning where, his hands roamed all around your body, they were big and warm and they were rough; you cupped his jaw with both hands and took his lips in yours with a wet, open-mouthed kiss that he followed as his hands snuck inside your shirt and you moaned softly at the feeling of skin to skin.

You moved out of his lap and stood up in front of him, Dave let out a soft whine at the sudden loss of your weight on his body but stopped when you moved his legs open and stood between them.

“Take off my shirt, please.” you told him, not in an order but he obeyed, he grabbed the hem of it and lifted it, you raised your arms and felt his lips on your rib side as you finished taking it off and dropped it on the floor behind you.

Dave put his hands around your torso and licked your skin experimentally, which made you gasp at the feeling of his wet tongue against your skin and he smiled to himself, doing it again and nibbling on the same spot softly.

His hands slid to your waist and without being told to he unbuttoned your jeans and dragged them down slowly, his eyes directly on yours. You smiled at him with your reddened, kiss-swollen lips and he felt your smile settling inside his lower belly, his cock twitching inside his pants.

You put your hands on his shoulders as he helped you out of your shoes and jeans and when you were there, standing in front of him only in your underwear, he swore there wasn’t anything more divine than your body.

You sank on your knees and your hands landed on his thighs, Dave’s throat clutched and his chest turned as you smiled at him and your hands slid to his belt, you raised your eyebrows as if asking for permission and he nodded a few times, leaning backward into his hands to give you space for you to do whatever you wanted to him.

You unbuckled his belt and opened his pants, his breath hitched when your fingers hooked to the hem of both his pants and his boxers, and then he lifted his hips for you to pull them off him. Dave smiled when he saw you bite your lip at the sight of his hard cock resting on his abdomen. It did something unexpected on what he thought was his dead ego, but he loved the way you looked at it.

“Take off your shirt.” you said and again, without it being an order, he obeyed. Unbuttoned it as quickly as he could and slid it off his shoulders as you leaned over his lap and took his erection on your hand, your thumb grazing softly the tip and he threw his head back between his shoulders.

“Oh, my love.” he sighed out as you started pumping slowly and when he closed his eyes, you licked the underside and wrapped your lips around the tip, making him gasp.

You took it slowly, enjoying the taste of his pre-cum as it came out of him, pumping the rest you couldn’t fit inside your mouth with your hand.

Dave forced his eyes open and moved his head down to watch you, he shivered when he found you already looking at him; he moved his hand to your face and with his knuckles caressed your cheek, making you smile with his cock inside your mouth.

For him, looking at you on your knees between his legs was like looking at a sacrosanct painting; your lips around him taking as much of his length as you could, your saliva dripping from his dick to your hand, bobbing your head up and down as your eyes, those holy eyes that never left his, it was a pleasure he never thought he would get in his earthly life.

He felt himself close to cumming, and he pushed your head softly upwards, you rose from your knees and clashed your messy lips onto his and he wrapped his arms around your waist, his large hands roaming around the skin of your back. His fingers played with the back of your bra and he broke the kiss for a few seconds to unhook it and help you slide it off, you smiled when he sighed at the sight of your breasts in front of his face and he pulled you flush against his head, taking a nipple in his mouth.

The warmth of his mouth and the wetness of his tongue around the soft skin of your nipple made you cry out his name softly and arousal gathered between your legs. One of his hands rested on your other boob and kneaded delicately as you fisted his hair in your hand. Dave moved his mouth to your other nipple and lapped at it before trapping it inside his mouth, you pressed his head to your chest and let out a moan when his teeth grazed your nipple as he released it.

“I wanna taste you.” he muttered against your boob and you smiled at him, nodding.

He moved you softly to lie down on the bed; the sheets were cool and soft and he stood on the edge, taking you in again, studying your body.

He leaned down to you and you opened your legs to make space for him; he hovered over your body and kissed you again, softly, as if you were back in time to the first kiss he gave you in the sacristy, as if he wasn’t about to devour your body.

His kisses traveled from your mouth to your neck and your chest, he left one in each nipple, making you laugh, he left a trail of them over your belly and one over your belly button. As he kissed your abdomen and your thighs, you looked at the ceiling and you smiled at whoever was watching.

Dave took the hem of your panties on his fingers and you lifted your hips for him to slip them off you, you lifted your legs and he unhooked them from your ankles, grabbing your calves and opening your legs again. He gulped when he saw your wet, expectant pussy right in front of him and looked at your flushed face. He leaned down and left kisses around your thighs without breaking eye contact.

“Guide me.” he whispered and left a kiss right over the hood of your clit, making you moan.

You nodded once, and he looked at your pussy, opened the lips gently with his fingers and blew on your slick folds, making you shiver. He flattened his tongue and licked from your slit to your clit, tasting your arousal, moaning at the richness of it.

You slid your hand to your clit and looked at him.

“Here.” you mumbled, circling a few times to show him how. He had told you he had sex before his ordination, because he didn’t want to go into his holy orders without having experienced it and wondering for the rest of his life what he had missed, but he said it wasn’t as good as he thought it would be and before you, he thought he would never know. So you had to show him what you wanted and what you liked because his experience wasn’t vast.

Dave did as you showed and you moaned out loud, the pads of his fingers were warmer and bigger than yours and he was handling you so delicately you were already on edge.

He kept licking and circling your clit and then, without a second thought, he moved his fingers away and started circling your clit with his tongue.

“Oh m–my god,” you fisted his hair, pushing his face into your pussy and he pressed your hips onto the mattress, looking at your face with your mouth opened in pleasure and your eyes closed shut “Dave ke–keep doing that baby,” you pleaded and he did it, and started playing the pad of one of his fingers on your slit, making your hips buck slightly he saw you pant and smiled when you slid your free hand to play with your nipple so he added a second one to play with your entrance “inside, put them inside.” you said under your breath and he pushed his fingers slowly inside your cunt, making you let out a long moan of his name, he started pumping and curling his fingers inside as he had imagined you doing it all those weeks ago while touching himself in the shower and closed his eyes to hear you moan his name as he brought you closer and closer to pleasure.

He moved his fingers faster inside of you and hand fisted and pulled his hair as your moans became tamed screams and he thought of them as the most pious symphony that he and only him had the sacred pleasure to hear.

You wrapped a leg around his shoulders as you felt the knot inside your belly explode from his ministrations and you chanted his name over and over as he worked you through your orgasm. You panted for a few seconds and opened your eyes to the sight of Dave licking his fingers clean. You smiled at him and released his hair to motion him to come to you; he hovered over your body again and you put your hand on his nape to bring him to you; you moaned softly at your own taste and you felt it smile on your lips.

“What?” you asked in a whisper.

“Did you like it?” he asked back on your lips, you nodded and cupped his clean-shaven jaw, leaving a deep kiss on his lips.

“I loved it,” he smiled, and you wrapped your legs around his waist and felt his cock brushing lightly against your folds. “make love to me, Dave.”

You saw his smile widen, and it was his turn to nod to you, he kissed you again while his hand worked on aligning himself to you; he slid the tip through your folds and you gasped on his mouth when he found your entrance and started pushing in.

He did it slowly, no rush; he wanted to feel you in every inch of his cock; he wanted you to feel him and every ridge and vein of him as he found his home in you.

You nipped at his lip as he bottomed up and smiled when he stayed there, inside you, enjoying the wait for your body to acclimate to his, you looked into his eyes and you felt it.

You felt how you two fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

As if his body was made for you and your body was made for him.

It felt right.

It felt sacred.

Dave started moving at a calmed pace and you with him, quickly finding a rhythm where your hips moved almost in unison and he thrusted into you deeply every time he moved. He was supporting his weight on one arm next to you while the other gripped your hip and helped you with the tantalizing dance you both were having.

He hid his face in the crook of your neck when your hands moved to his back and you pulled his body down to yours, his chest gliding yours and his hips circling as he thrusted faster into you.

Dave moaned into your neck when you scratched his back as his thrusts became pounds.

“Harder, please, baby, harder.” you whispered into his ear and he listened, driving into you as fast as his body allowed, the noise of his skin clashing with yours and the wetness of you leaking around his cock flooded the room and his moans grew louder and you dug your nails into his skin chanting his name as you got closer and closer to your second release.

“Yo–you’re a goddess,” he muttered into the skin of your neck as his cock grazed your cervix, his hand wrapped around your hips and he lifted your ass for him to thrust deeper, making you moan his name loudly “you’re m–my go–goddess.”

You slid your hands to his ass and fisted his buttcheeks, pushing him further into you.

Dave felt his orgasm closer and closer every time he drove into you and your warm walls started to clench around him with the closeness of your orgasm, he nibbled the skin of your neck and clutched his eyes shut tighter when his body started to stiffen as he pounded into you; he muttered your name a few times like a prayer he never knew he needed to make, and it sounded right, your name in his voice as he drove himself and you to climax, his own name on your sweet voice as you begged him for everything he had in himself, it was all right, it was all correct, there was nothing wrong, how could he had felt so guilty about it when it was the most perfect, most righteous, most sacred, most heavenly action he could do.

You in his arms, your hands on his body, his cock inside your cunt, you wrapped around him begging him to cum inside you, everything about it was all he could have asked for to feel like he was in heaven. He had almost said no to feel it, and he bursted inside you at the same time as you broke in pieces around him, thinking that he would rather live his life with you around him than his afterlife in heaven.

“I love you.” he muttered against the skin of your neck and you opened your eyes after riding the high of your orgasm and looked at the ceiling.

You frowned when you heard his words and when you remembered what he said to you before he came, and as you turned to the side to see him that red warmth you had felt earlier disappeared almost completely and the bright green taint of the deep guilt inside you washed over your body and your soul.

He looked at you and narrowed his eyes. His expression changed as he realized you weren’t going to answer his confession.

“Dave,” you whispered and his face changed, his brow furrowed and you saw his jaw tighten “what did we just do?”

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eeunoia · 3 years

Text

ENHYPEN Mini Series

E N H Y P E N as Vampires

pairings: jake sim x reader

summary: having all eternity to live on, Jake find it lonely to be all alone not until he set eyes over at you.

word count: 5k

warnings: suicide

a/n: Jake’s one shot was a little short but I hope it’s still okay. My recent works had received so much love from you guys! Thank you so much and I love you guys so much! Have a great day. 🌸 (Taglist still open!)

taglist: @rubyanne, @izneos, @jung-breadshop @llamabouquet @eterniki @hwangjangmi @full-sannie @danyxthirstae01 @flowerjaem @dreamykkoo @crjwon

“Go to hell, y/n!” I shut my eyes tightly as something hit my back hardly when my step sister started throwing things towards me.

I just turned 18 and now they’re trying to kick me out of from the house my Dad had left us. Well, my Mom died when I was just 9 years old. My father got so lonely because of her and he thought I was feeling the same way so he decided to re-marry.

He married my Step-mother four years ago. She have one daughter and they weren’t that nice to me. She just treat me nicely whenever my Dad is around, and now that he left me too. I have nobody else beside me. I’m all alone.

I cried silently as I tried picking up my things that were now scattered all over the floor. My step-mother starred down right at me with no sympathy. Beside her was my step-sister whose smirking widely while watching me suffer. I bet they’ve waited long for this to happen, to get rid of me.

After getting all of my stuff, I started walking directionless. Like a lifeless human, I was walking mindlessly. I don’t know where to go or even what to do. It will be night soon and I don’t think it will be too nice for a young girl to be all alone out here.

I gulped and quickly search for my phone. Delighted to see that there was still a little battery left, I gulped dialing someone.

“Who’s this?” I gulped feeling thrilled that she actually picked up.

“It’s me y/n.” I bit my lower lip and I heard her heavy sigh right away.

We weren’t close and maybe she’s even annoyed that I gave her a ring but I don’t have anyone else to call. My hand automatically made its way over to my lips as I started biting my fingernails.

“Why did you call me?”

“U-Uhh.. I don’t have anywhere else to go. My step mother kicked me out and--”

“And you’re calling me right now because? Hey, not because i’m the class president you're allowed to do this.” she sounded so sarcastic and annoyed at the same time.

You were silent for a while. You can’t fully blame her, to be called out of nowhere by someone you’re not close with will definitely weird and creepy. Not to mention that you’re one of the most bullied students in your class.

“Can you p-please help me out? Just this o-once. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” you’re mind are all messed up. No thoughts at all, the fact that you’ve been kicked out from the house where you spent your whole life with was still not sinking in to you.

Your eyes can’t even produce any tears at the moment. You feel like you’ve been crying too much that you actually got tired of it.

A sigh from the other line was heard and it pulled you back to reality, “What do you need?”

“C-Can I stay with you? Even in just a few--”

“What? No way! Don’t you have anyone else?” she sounded more irritated. Feeling more anxious about it, you gulped.

“I have nobody else.” you’re voice sounded so low and lifeless. Having nothing else to push you to live anymore, your last resort was to just take your own life.

“Ugh, why do you have to be a sore loser?” you bit your lower lip trying to ignore her rude comment. You have no one else who can take you in for a few days while you look for a job.

“Fine. Just go here.” and she dropped the call right away.

A small smile actually spreads through your face as you headed towards her apartment. Finally feeling like you’re starting to make a change in your life, you plot some plans inside your head. Things you need to do in order to live a better life.

As you arrive at her place, you knocked and waited patiently for her to open the door for you. With an unpleased look, she faced you and lets you inside.

She didn’t even ask if you’re okay or anything. Despite the bruises all over your body, she ignored it and just guided you to a vacant room. It was dusty and unorganized but you can’t complain. You should even be grateful she lets you be here for a few days.

“3-4 days maximum.” she reminded you before going out of the room.

You nodded your head even after she left and roamed your eyes around. Letting out a heavy sigh, you started arranging things so you can fix the bed and maybe get ready for sleep. You can feel your stomach grumbling out of hunger but you ignored it completely. You have no money to buy any food and you don’t want to trouble your class president for food as well. It would be too much hindrance for her.

You slept with an empty stomach that night so when you woke up the next day, you kind of don’t have any strength. When you went out, you saw a note over at the table saying she left some food and some spare keys.

Feeling thankful about it, you had breakfast and made sure you’ll thank her later on. When you arrived school, your step-sister was already there smirking at you. You tried hard avoiding her and just straightly went to your seat at the back.

The students around were starring at you for a bit while and even whispering with each other. Seems like your step-sister had announced at the whole class that you’ve been kicked out from your house. You were wondering what kind of false rumors did she create this time.

“It’s Jake!” your head snapped right over at the door when the girls inside your class got so excited about someone.

Jake Sim. Your eyes settled at the handsome boy who entered the class smiling. He was really attractive and almost the whole class likes him, including your step-sister. She was crazy for him.

You can’t blame her since he was really gorgeous. He’s nice too, always wearing a smile and kind to everybody. But theres just one thing that you’ve noticed with him. His eyes looked dead sometimes. Like even if he’s smiling, his eyes were lifeless.

You jolted a bit when both of your eyes met each other. With light red tinted over your face, you quickly looked away. This isn’t the right time to have a crush on somebody, y/n! You’ve got to find a job first.

After the bell rang, indicating that the class had finished, you hurried yourself out avoiding students. You’re determined to go and look for a job to support your needs.

The whole time remaining, you just tried looking for a job but no luck. You went back disappointed and trying hard to convince yourself that you can try and find for another one tomorrow.

The next days were just the same for you. It was no luck, you feel like you’re step-mother were starting to meddle with it as well. And also, lately, you’ve noticed Jake’s stares over at you during classes. He never done that before, but it was often these past two days. You don’t want to sound assuming or anything but that’s just how you noticed it.

The third day of hunting for a job, it was also a failure. With a heavy heart you trailed over at the quiet street of your town. It was 9pm, almost 10. Less people can be seen outside. After some rumors about the missing persons, people in your town started to be more careful.

Your feet brought you over a bridge. You starred right over at it mindlessly. Mind completely blank with thoughts, your mind wondered over those timed when you’re still happy. When you’re Mom was still there, back when you still have someone to lean on.

For the first time in days, you felt your eyes teared up. The image of your Mom that were always so clear for you flashed back right in your mind. Her comforting smile and warm hugs, you sure miss them the most. You cried silently while walking towards the edge of the bridge. You starred right down, it was the cold river.

With eyes full of tears, you roamed them around trying to check if somebody else was there. You wiped off your tears and started climbing over it. You have no will to live anymore so you just decided to take your own life.

Trembling a bit while standing at the other side of the bridge, you starred right down beneath you. The water looked so cold and dark. Feels like you’ll die right away once you jumped down.

Having just both of your two hands and the little space your stepping on as the only things that keeping you alive, you started battling with your own mind. Being completely confused, tired and lifeless, you really wanted to jump off.

“What are you doing?” your eyes snapped open and looked over at your right.

You gulped, eyes grew a bit at the sight of somebody in front of you. He was starring right at your eyes and you saw how cold his eyes were again.

“What are you doing here?” you asked him back emphasizing the you at him. Jake pursed his shoulders and even leaned over at the railings of the bridge beside you.

He’s acting like as if you were not at the other side and life’s in danger.

“Taking a stroll.” he casually answered.

“At this time?” you asked doubting him.

He smiled a little after nodding his head at you, “How about you? What are you doing? Are you gonna jump off?” he asked and starred down over the river.

You gulped, “N-Nothing.” if anything, you don’t want to cause trouble to anybody else.

He chuckled lightly, “Doesn’t seem like nothing to me.” he tilted his head then eyed you back.

“You’re planning to kill yourself, aren’t ya?” he asked, his accent popping a bit. You gulped, guilty. You were silent because one, he knows. Two, he still look gorgeous even if it’s dark already. The only light you guys have was the one from the bright moon.

“I don’t have any will to live in this cruel world.” your voice were low. The wind blew right towards at both you but you saw how he starred right over at your eyes.

There was a moment of silence before he lets out a sigh, “This world sure is cruel.” he agreed.

For the first time, somebody agreed with you. A small smile appeared over at your lips as you felt your heart races a bit. You don’t know if he’s really agreeing with you or he’s just really kind. Because honestly, there's nothing you can think of a reason why he’ll think this world is cruel for him. It seems like he already have everything and that his life was perfect.

“But if you live in it in a different way, it’ll change.” he muttered meaningful and he starred right at you once again, eyes piercing.

Your brows furrowed in confusion. You don’t get what he just said but even before you can ask him, he pulled out something from behind. It was tumblr?

He handed it over at you with a sweet smile. “What is this?” you asked, one hand holding over at the railing as the other accepted what he handed over. The space that you’re stepping over was enough to keep you steady but you're still holding on over at the steel railing.

“Wine. Might as well have some of that before dying right?” he smirked right at you.

Wondering a bit because of what he just said you looked at him with full confusion, he chuckled opening the lid for you.

“If you drink that, I won’t say any word about what I saw today.” he said smiling at you.

Biting your lower lip, you decided to do what he just said. Taking a sip, you groaned a bit finding it a bit strange. Having your eyes shut, you didn’t notice how Jake’s eyes turned red out of excitement just by looking at you drinking what he just gave you.

“Do as you promised.” you said after putting the almost empty bottle over at the railing.

You wiped over the corner of your lips and saw the familiar red color of wine. After having a sip from that drink, you kind of became more brave to do what you just planned moments ago.

Jake stood just beside you from the other side of the bridge. He watch how sorrow took over your eyes, tears streaming over your eyes. He hates it. All of it. He hates how people were so cruel to you, how you punish yourself from it and how you still try to keep a smile even after being treated badly by this world.

His face turned serious as he watch you slowly let go from the railing, body falling right over the cold river. He starred over as your body collided at the surface of the water.

He was sure it would take your life. A loss from the human world and a gain to his. With a smirk, he put his hands inside his pocket as he heads down over the river.

He roamed his eyes that quickly turned red and went over the water to go look for your body. He found you pretty much faster than expected, your face was full of bruises and probably broken bones. He gently placed his fingers over at your wrist to check your pulse.

He pulled you out and carried you bridal style, slowly he lets your body over the grass beside the cold river. The silent night even made it more colder but it doesn’t matter because Jake wasn’t even a living person so the cold is nothing to him anymore.

Jake’s eyes turned red as his fangs slowly showed as he leaned closer. A smirk spread right into his face as he felt no heartbeat coming from you. This world had lost you but now he have you for him, all for him.

Jake buried his fangs over your neck and drink from your blood, making all over his veins get too excited.

He leaned away starring right over at your unconscious body. He smirked, wiping off some blood dripping out from his mouth, “You’re gonna be with me forever, y/n.”

Your eyelids felt a little heavy as you open them slowly. An unfamiliar ceiling greeted you that made you furrowed your brows a little. You were confused where you were so you stood up.

You roamed your eyes around at the place. It looked elegant and cozy at the same time. Head aching a bit, your hand rested over at your temple as you try to remember the previous things that happened that can help you to know where you are.

Your eyes quickly snapped open when you remember yourself jumping off from the bridge. You starred right over your arms and you saw them completely fine, both of your legs were fine as well. There's no trace of signs that you’ve committed suicide.

It was so strange because you were so sure that you jumped off. Feeling completely confused, you ran your hands over at your hair and to your surprised, they grew a bit longer. Your eyes then notice how more pale you became.

“I see you’re awake now.” your head snapped over at the corner when you heard somebody talked.

“J-Jake?” you muttered his name.

He smiled sweetly at you. To your surprised it didn’t look so lifeless anymore. It looked livelier for some reason.

Oh right! Jake was there too! He watched you jumped off the bridge. Is he the one who saved you?

He slowly walked closer to you and sat down over at the edge of the bed. You looked at him, a lot of questions were already inside your mind.

“Let me see your eyes,” his voice sound so calm. You furrowed your brows as he leaned closer.

You felt this tingling inside your stomach as he smiled in satisfaction in front of you, “Beautiful.” he mumbled that made you flustered.

Did he just said beautiful?

“Do you feel hungry?” he asked like it's just normal for you to be here inside wherever this is.

“Did you save me?”

He starred at your eyes and he smiled. “You jumped, remember?”

You nodded your head because that’s clearly what you remembered. He nodded as well as he looked over your arms then back over at your face.

“Do you know anyone who lived right after trying to jump off from that bridge?”

You pursed your lips and shake your head no. In the cases you’ve known from your town, nobody ever lived after jumping off. So... why?

“Then... how?” you looked at him anticipating of any answers.

He smiled, hand stretched out over at you. He brushed away some hairs from your face and hung them over your ears. You were pretty sure you were flushed, but for some funny reason, you can’t feel any warmth from your body.

“You said you have no will to live anymore and that the world were so cruel.” he started, you nodded listening to him. He was right about that, even if its a bit blurry, you can still remember saying that to him.

“I told you if you lived it in a different way, it wouldn’t be so cruel. I just did you a favor.” he explained but you were still clueless about the things that were currently.

“I don’t understand.”

He smiled and stood up then walked towards the side table just beside the bed you were tucked in.

“Are you hungry?” he asked while holding something.

You didn’t talk, you actually don’t know. At the moment, you were confused and doesn’t feel anything.

But you felt the sudden hunger the moment he open the lid of the container he was holding. Letting out a small chuckle, Jake walk back to the bed.

“Ahh, I can’t get over with how beautiful you look, y/n. What to do? I think I found my obsession.” he muttered eyes fixed over at you.

You blushed hardly because of what he just said but quickly got distracted over the thing he was holding. The closer he gets, the hungrier you get.

When he hand it over to you, your brows furrowed at the sight of a red liquid inside.

“W-What is this?”

“I figured your body won’t take somebody else’s blood since it's still adjusting so i’ll be your blood bank for the mean time.”

You were stunned at your position when you heard about it. It is blood. Fresh blood of Jake. Why does it smelled so good? It make you drool in hunger.

“Am I...?”

You’ve heard about those things before. They were often became topics specially lately because of the sudden missing people over at your town.

Jake sat close to you, “Yeah, a vampire.”

Your hand lowered letting the cup rest over your thigh, you almost lose your mind. You don’t want to believe it but what else can explain the reason why you’re still here breathing when you jumped off a freaking bridge?

“B-But why? I told you I wanted to die.”

“Well, basically you’re already dead.”

You looked at him, frustrated. Okay, you are dead but that doesn’t even make sense! You're seem like you’re still alive. Breathing, but dead.

“You don’t understand, Jake. I wanted to die because I don’t want to be here. I have nobody else with me.”

His face turned serious and you’re not gonna lie, you somehow felt intimidated when that soft smile vanished from his face.

“Then what do you call me, baby? I’m here for you.” he said softly hand raised over to cup your face.

“Life’s been cruel to you and you were too good for that world.” his eyes turned red and you don’t know but they looked so pretty.

Two sharp fangs showed over from his lips as he smiled at you. Your mouth fell, right now, Jake looked really out of this world. You never know vampires can look this good. The books you used to read never told you they look this attractive.

“Now that I have you, I’ll make sure you won’t suffer anymore. Be with me,”

“Why me?”

Out of all the girls who were giving him attention, why you?

“Why not you?” he said starring right over at your eyes.

You were stunned, silent after he answered that to you.

He leaned closer to you, lips touching your cheeks lightly then over at your ears. It sent shivers over at your whole body but you loved it. Jake’s effect over at you, you enjoyed it.

“I’ll be here for you, y/n.” he whispered.

You gulped, lowering your head as you shut your eyes tightly.

“O-okay.” you answered.

Jake smirked, “That's my girl.”

You’ve noticed some changes from your physical appearance and even at some aspects of your personality. You’re not that anxious anymore, confidence filled you up for some reasons. It isn’t a bad thing.

You trailed over the empty hallway of your school. Classes already started so you’re now heading over your classroom. You’ve learnt that you’ve skipped school for 3 days already.

Arriving at the entrance of the room, heads turned towards your direction. Looking directly over your teacher, you smiled right at her. She was furrowing her brows while trying to determine who you are.

“Is that... y/n?” you heard one of your classmates whispered.

“I’m sorry for being late, Ms. Choi.” and you even bowed at her.

She looked dumbfounded looking right at you. She doesn’t know how to exactly describe but something changed.

“U-Uh... Ms. Y/n--”

Your teacher can’t even finish what she was about to say when a hand wrapped over your shoulder.

“Sorry for being late, Ms. Choi. We kind of had some problem on our way here.” Jake suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

You blushed but kept still. You were used to Jake’s affection. He’s such a loving person. He took care of you and you never felt that way ever since you’re Dad died.

“It’s o-okay, Mr. Sim. You two can sit now.” she said. The class were still silent as they were very shock at what’s happening right now.

Your eyes traveled over the students inside. They were looking at you in a different way, not in the way how they used to back when they’re still bullying you. Some of them looked at you with confusion, some with desire and some with fear.

You chuckled softly, starring at their pathetic faces. Specially your step sister, her eyes were a bit bigger than usuall.

“Y/n, right here baby.” Jake called you out. You nodded and turned your head towards him. As the teacher gets back to where she was interrupted, you sat down beside him.

Jake rested his hand over at the back rest of your chair. His hands started drawing small lazy circles over your other arm.

He leaned closer, “Did you see their faces?” he whispered at you dropping a kiss over at your shoulder before he leaned away.

You smirked nodding your head as you turned over at him. “They were so surprise.”

He chuckled, “Who wouldn’t be surprise? My girl looked so beautiful.” he said while facing the front. You blushed and you saw how his ears turned a bit red too. You chuckled and just tried focusing at the lesson.

As time pass by, you started to get more dizzy. “I’m dizzy.” you mumbled softly.

“You hungry?”

You looked over at him and slowly nodded your head. He chuckled finding you cute. He rummages over his things and pull out a tumblr. The same tumblr he handed you that night.

He brushed away some hair away from your face, “Take it easy with you in-take of blood.” he whispered after dropping a kiss over at your forehead.

You started drinking from the bottle and felt yourself getting much better. The class continued with you having your meal. Jake find you cute while you enjoy it so much.

When the classes were finally over, Jake and you headed outside the school hand in hand. Students followed both of you with stares full of curiosity.

“Uh, you should go on Jake. I’ll just go to the class president because of my things I left at her place.” you told him.

He nodded his head at you, “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

You smiled at her before nodding your head. When you saw him walked away, you started to walk back inside the campus to go and look for the class president. You did find her pretty fast. She was with your step sister and some from their circle of friends.

“Class president.” you called her out. They looked over you in unison and they looked surprised once again.

“oh y/n!” unlike before, she doesn’t look irritated by your presence. Your step sister was lowering her head as well, trying to avoid eye-contact.

“I’m just gonna inform you that I’ll be getting my stuff at your place later. Thank you for letting me stay.” I said smiling. Well even if she acted annoyed, I can’t deny that she was nice enough to keep me in.

“H-Huh? Why? You know what, I actually felt alone. You c-can stay if you want.”

You starred right at her eyes. Lies. It doesn’t look so sincere like how Jake’s eyes sparkles whenever he talks with you. He was so sincere with everything, warmth taking over you once he started comforting you.

You smiled a little, “Nah, it's fine. I already have a place to stay.”

“Where were you these past days? We w-were looking for y-you!” she said. Again, you can’t feel anything from her.

“I jumped off a bridge.” you straightly told her. She was dumbfounded as well as the other girls that were with her.

After seconds of silence, you chuckled. “I was kidding. Jake kept me in.”

They gulped and obvious envy were over their faces. You sighed and decided you should go on. As you turn around, you felt somebody held your arm.

“Y/n, Mom said you s-should go home.”

You slowly faced her then your eyes trailed over to her hand that was holding you. Her eyes weren’t blank and doesn’t look so rude like always. You were stunned and can’t talk for a while. You don’t know what to response to her.

Even before you can talk, a hand brushes away her hold off from you. A hand instantly held your waist and pulled you closer to his body.

“Her home now is with me.” Jake said and you felt that familiar comfort that you’ve never felt for so long.

Jake guided you away from and you went along without saying a word.

Weeks passed by with Jake and you’ve been very happy with him. He introduced you to this amazing world he have. Days with Jake was never boring and full of surprises. He clearly made you happy.

You let out a loud breath while you felt his soft fingers caressing your arms while you’re both snuggling close to each other.

You’re both enjoying the silence between you while laying down to your bed.

“How did you turn me again, Jake?” you were curious.

“The wine I offered you that night have my blood in it.” he chuckled remembering what he just did back then.

“Why do you have a thing like that with you while strolling around?” you turn over and rested your hand over at his chest while you lay your head over it. You looked over to Jake and he have this smirk right over his face.

“I was following you around for days and I figured I should be prepared once I saw an opportunity to give you that drink.” he said.

“So you do wanted to turn me.”

“Yeah. You thought I was kidding when I said that?” he raised an eyebrow at you. With a chuckle you nodded your head.

“Jake, I’ve always noticed your eyes were cold before. Why?”

He kept his smile while starring right at you, he sighed then gently brush away some strands from your face.

“You know, not everyone is fond of living forever. I’ve never found somebody who’s willing to stay with me. I was born as a vampire and I felt so alone.” He sound so sad that you actually felt bad for him.

“When I saw you, I knew I wanted you. I told myself I’ll take it slow and won’t force you. But when I saw you struggle in this life and really planned to take your life, I became selfish.” his eyes turned red as he starred lovingly at you.

You gulped cupping his face. “What if I told you I don’t want this?”

You saw pain over his eyes as he held your hand that was holding his face. With soft kiss, he showered your hands with it. “I don’t know, baby. I don’t know if I can let you go.”

You pursed your lips, “I’m all alone in my life too, Jake.” you said and he opened his eyes to look at you.

With affection, your eyes turned red as you leaned closer to his face. “But now that you’re here, I have a home I can call mine. I have a person I can be with forever.” you mumbled and he leaned closer as well for a kiss.

“I love you,” you mumbled.

“I love you, y/n.”

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