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i-amyou · 3 months

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I hate saying this because I’m going to sound like someone that hasn’t accepted that this is all an illusion and THAT, but I swear it isn’t. Just bare with me for this short time, pls

I’m watching my life fall apart before my eyes. And I feel so hopeless rn. because it’s like, for example, 2 minutes before something CATASTROPHIC happens in my life, you would have found me just living in peace, in full bliss, just enjoying my presence as awareness. Like I be feeling SO good (Ik there’s no “I” to feel, but I have to use these limiting terms), then boom. Something crazy happens, and not in a good way, and it always leaves me feeling super shitty and bad and it makes me forget everything I’ve learned in my “journey”. It’s getting worse every time, my body feels anxious, physically aching.

And this all feels so backfiring for me, because I feel like I can’t do anything. Even when I accept that this is still all me, and I could “seemingly control” it all and make everything fine again, I feel like I can’t, at least that’s what happens when I decide I’m not going to experience something like that anymore. It simply doesn’t happen. It’s like all I do is try and try, when in the moment, it doesn’t feel like trying AT ALL. So I really don’t know what i am doing wrong.

Like okay. It’s all illusory, but why does the illusion still have to be so shitty and stressful to the point it makes me forget everything/who I truly am? I feel like I just wanna cry and get into a spiral rn, sorry for venting

Breathe. Inhale, exhale, breathe. It's okay, everything is. You're Okay. All appearances are only seeming, you're safe. Nothing, no experience ever has any power to harm you, okay? Breathe and stay with me here❤

If you feel like crying, Do it. Don't hold yourself back, just because you believe you're supposed to be All Knowing Omnipotent being. Don't be so hard on yourself, your experience is still THAT. Your tears, your sorrows, everything is only seeming. Breathe. And observe it all.

This need to do something, the frustration, the hopelessness you're experiencing right now? It's also very much YOU experiencing YOURSELF. Because everything is " " by nature. Take away all the labels and you'll be left with nothing, you cannot really define Or describe anything. It just IS.

"I'm doing something wrong" a seemingly appearing thought.

"Illusion is shitty" another seemingly appearing thought.

"To the point it makes me forget who I really am" A thought. You see where I'm getting with this?

This experience must be very difficult for you, I understand. But nothing can stop you from being " ". You're always THAT, regardless of everything.

Effortlessly noticing and observing is your nature, by default. You can't stop that, it doesn't come with a switch to turn it off.

But I need you to be aware of being aware, okay? Notice this. How you've always been only aware. All experiences have been through awareness. There is no "I" That could've possibly gotten hurt in any way, if doesn't exist.

Breathe. Don't focus too much on pointers, focus instead on where they're pointing. You're okay. No matter what happens, whatever you experience, breeze through it.

Notice. Be aware. Rest in that awareness.

#ask #nothingness #consciousness #awareness #beingness #advaita vedanta #nondualism #realisation #nonduality #advaita

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gloriousburden · 4 months

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Debunking the “thanos brainwashed loki” theory (kind of)

DISCLAIMER: i don’t really have any problems with people taking this theory more lighthearted/just as an headcanon/au sort of thing, my issue is when it is accepted as fully canon, and words, meanings, and statements in interviews are completely twisted. people too often use it to mischaracterize loki, and disregard any of his motives, acts, and issues.

when i first got into the mcu and started interacting with the fandom, i too believed this theory when i first heard about it. until i thought about it a little more, and learned more about loki.

i’m aware that this is a little controversial to say since a lot of people truly take the theory as canon and have basically forever now… but in all honesty i REALLY don’t think it’s true. but let me just state that yes, loki definitely was persuaded/coerced into doing the things he did in avengers by thanos and his goons in order to retrieve the tesseract, that’s very canon as we can see in the scene of loki interacting with the other. loki fears thanos for a reason. thanos is a piece of shit and is shown to be a piece of shit to others including nebula and gamora, who were supposed to be his “daughters”. if he would torture his own “children”, why wouldn’t he torture and subject a stranger that he wanted to use to get the tesseract? so loki definitely was tortured.

i know there’s these two interviews, one with tom hiddleston (here) and the other with joss whedon that confirm loki went through a lot of horrible things between the ending of thor 1 and the beginning of avengers. they don’t necessarily give any specifics, just that it was really bad for him. please forgive me as i cannot find the joss whedon one right now, but i believe it was a video. the article with tom hiddleston which i’ve linked, is him saying “I think somewhere between the end of Thor and the beginning of The Avengers, Loki has been to the Marvel equivalent of the 7th circle of hell. At the end of Thor you see him let go. He lets go of the spear, he lets go of Asgard, and he lets go of the need of his brother and father’s affection and approval. He has bigger plans now.” and joss whedon pretty much said the same (in regards to loki going through horrible things between thor and avengers) from what i remember.

(but even with that being said, i’m going to focus more on canon rather than interviews.)

i’m not here to disprove that loki was tortured, i fully believe that he was and it makes sense considering thanos’ character, but i’m here to prove that he wasn’t FULLY brainwashed into doing what he did.

also trust me, i know that most of the movies loki has been in disregard a lot of the shit he’s been through, but i do feel that if he was truly forced into it, it would’ve been elaborated on. which i will elaborate on in this post.

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if anyone was brainwashed into committing the acts loki committed in avengers, they would be very distraught and traumatized when they eventually gained full consciousness and realized that they did those things. examples of this in the mcu being clint (who is literally in the same movie), as well as bucky who really was brainwashed by hydra into being an assassin, and is shown as being deeply traumatized when the brainwashing is undone. even if he didn’t commit those acts intentionally, and in his own will.

we can see in the dark world that loki was not really shown to be regretful about what he did. and honestly, i don’t think that was just them choosing not to show loki as being vulnerable, or them disregarding loki’s issues (per usual) because we actually get to see some of his true feelings, as well as him having a breakdown in the movie. he is willingly vulnerable. “now you see me, brother.”

he is shown to be deeply troubled, and vengeful about the possibility of him unintentionally leading algrim/kurse to frigga, the fact he was locked up and unable to be of any sort of help, as well as obviously frigga’s death in general. it was something that was truly done unintentionally by loki.

if loki had really unintentionally, and unconsciously committed the acts he did, he would be shown to be very distraught about it in the dark world, and it would’ve been elaborated on.

the approach the writers, as well as tom hiddleston wanted to take for loki’s character in the dark world was one that showed us as the audience, and as fans of loki more about him, as well as to see him at his most vulnerable, so why would they leave out his supposed trauma from brainwashing? because that’s not really how it happened.

they would have shown him be vulnerable about being brainwashed, and doing something unintentionally if it were something that really happened. since loki’s writing in the dark world was meant to “humanize” him. we’ve seen him at his most villainous in the last movie, so now let’s see him at his lowest in the one after that.

a major point of mine that disproves the theory is that although loki is shown to fear thanos, he’s not necessarily doing this whole thing JUST for him. he is also focused on ruling over earth, rather than just retrieving the tesseract.

if he was brainwashed, however, he would’ve got the tesseract to thanos without anything in return. thanos wouldn’t have had to bargain with loki, or offer earth/an army to him. he would have just mind controlled him with the scepter, the same way loki did with clint, and called it a day.

another point that disproves the theory is that if loki truly was mind controlled by the scepter, he would act almost robotic, and would be quite still, only doing things when told/motioned to the same way clint was when the scepter was first used on him in the beginning of the movie. (i’ve linked this scene further down in this post when i talk about the misconceptions of loki’s eyes being the same blue as the character’s who were mind controlled.) loki clearly says, and does whatever he wants in the movie. this would not really be the case if he were being mind controlled.

(also another example of loki realizing he had partially caused something unintentionally was thor’s banishment. he is shown to be quite nervous about the fact that thor got banished, although it did end up working in his favor later on in the movie.)

loki has shown many times, even before avengers when he is undeniably a villain, that he has no issues with hurting people to get what he wants. people who use the theory and accept it as canon often (i kind of hate this word, so forgive me for the lack of better words) infantilize and mischaracterize loki as being this character who is completely innocent, and helpless. and that he only became “bad” in avengers. meanwhile loki has always (always meaning since after/during the events of thor 1) been shown as a manipulative character with dark thoughts and violent tendencies. in thor 1, he committed genocide against the frost giants BEFORE he was under the influence of thanos or the scepter.

(let me state that i’m not saying loki is a bad person or a psychopath who just goes off hurting people left and right merely for the fun of it. i’ve elaborated on this, as well as loki’s motives in this post. but basically i’m saying that loki does everything he does with reason, and purpose. he is conniving, and calculated with his decisions. he doesn’t get satisfaction in hurting people, he gets satisfaction in getting closer to his goals.)

loki is already a “tragic victim” type character. you don’t need to erase that he’s capable of and willing to do wrong, and imply that those things were very out of character for him to prove that. characters can simultaneously do bad things out of their own will, while having a shitty past. not all victimized characters are completely innocent, and without flaws.

loki is never shown to have any love for midgard, or midgardians in general. he genuinely wanted to rule over them. in thor 1, loki says “i never wanted the throne, i only ever wanted to be your equal.” in thor 1. but in avengers, he says “i’ve grown, odinson, in my exile.” showing that he, and his motives have changed since then. he’s not the same person he was in thor 1, begging for his father’s love and recognition. not wanting a throne isn’t the case for him anymore. if he wasn’t able to prove himself to his own father, then midgardians were the next option.

in the dark world, loki no longer cares for odin’s approval. “he’s not my father!” “i didn’t do it for him.” as well as banishing/exiling him, and taking his throne. his focus shifting from odin’s approval as his own son in thor 1, to the approval of midgard as their king in avengers, to the approval of asgard as their king in the dark world, shows how loki’s character and his motives developed and changed with each movie. he realized that odin will never approve of him as his own son, let alone as king of asgard. thor 1 was just the start.

the reason this is relevant to disproving the theory, as well as the points i’m trying to make are:

1. the motives were already there. the will to do bad things, was already there before thanos and even the scepter’s influence/interference.

2. loki has changed between thor 1 and avengers, and he didn’t need to be brainwashed for this change to happen. he didn’t change and become “evil” because of what thanos put him through.

3. some people who take the theory as canon, believe that loki is fully good and would have never willingly hurt others to get what he wants, or to prove a point. which could not be further from the truth.

i know most of this won’t really make sense to people who already know these things, but my words (and this post in general) are more directed to/are about those who use this theory to try and make loki seem like he’s a character who only started doing bad things, due to being brainwashed. that he’s a character who would never do anything wrong against his own will. meanwhile, he’s exhibited “bad” behaviors willingly since the first movie he was in.

he’s a character with manipulative tendencies, and deep rooted resentment and jealousy towards those put above him. he is insecure, and is willing to do anything to prove himself worthy.

also a lot of the things and points that the people who believe this theory as canon use as proof are things that have been debunked. a point that they often use is that marvel has confirmed that loki was influenced by the scepter. but the only thing they confirm is that it heightened his anger and negative feelings. a big issue is that people hear “influenced” and misunderstand, taking it as a confirmation that loki was mind controlled, and not that the scepter was just amplifying his negative emotions that were already there, and have been since thor 1.

(link to the whole page.)

nowhere does it say that he was brainwashed, or mind controlled. influenced? yes, that’s what the scepter does.

another thing is people talking about his eyes supposedly being the same blue as clint’s, and erik selvig’s when they were under the influence of the scepter. when in reality… their proof of this is just lighting, edited photos, or them mistaking loki’s eyes as being green when they’re actually blue. tom hiddleston has blue eyes, and loki in avengers has the same blue eyes that he did in thor 1, before he even met thanos. his eyes aren’t green, and have never been. (also if loki was MIND CONTROLLED by the scepter, his eyes would be EXTREMELY blue, considering his natural eye color is blue.)

examples:

he has the same beautiful big blue eyes eye color. not the insanely bright blue that clint, or erik selvig had when they were mind controlled by the scepter.

more examples:

guys, if loki was being controlled by the scepter… his eyes would be the same color as theirs since the cgi was purposely used to make their eyes very unrealistically blue so that everyone would know they were being controlled. these two characters both have blue eyes. these pictures show them before being mind controlled/brainwashed, versus afterwards. also… his eyes would be that same blue throughout the movie. which they’re not… clint’s eyes remained that bright blue until the mind controlling was undone by natasha.

it won’t let me add any more pictures so forgive me, but trust me… it’s not the same blue. loki’s eyes do look a little brighter here so maybe i understand the misconception a little bit, but that’s due many factors that can be explained. one being the makeup put on tom hiddleston in this scene to make his skin lighter as well to make him appear exhausted. another factor being the lighting!! as someone with blue eyes, i know that basically anything can make them appear a different shade. but that even goes for other eye colors. that’s just how it works. another thing to mention is that tom hiddleston is naturally blonde and has warmer skin than this. the contrast of the darker hair and the makeup (ESPECIALLY the makeup used to make his under-eye area look dark, which is only used like that in this scene btw) will make his eyes look really bright especially when he already has bright blue eyes. here’s the scene.

another example of his eye color being this post of mine right here. he literally has the same eyes

we can see that the avengers, specifically the hulk, were influenced by the scepter as well. but their eyes weren’t bright blue, because they weren’t being brainwashed by it and instead their negative emotions that were already there were being heightened. this caused cap and tony to argue even more, bruce banner to become angry and emotional about being the hulk, everyone else to become more hostile, etc… these were pre existing issues. loki’s resentment towards thor as well as his need for approval were pre existing.

……………………………………………………………………………

anyway i will probably update this in the future if there’s anything i left out/to correct mistakes.

moral of the story is, loki was canonically tortured, subjected, and manipulated by thanos. but even with that being said, he was not necessarily brainwashed and he was definitely not brainwashed by the scepter. there is no canon proof of that. the scepter only heightened his negative emotions that were already there.

if loki really was brainwashed, don’t you think he would’ve just retrieved the tesseract for thanos without wanting to rule over earth? it would’ve been that simple. but since that isn’t true and loki was consciously and intentionally doing these things, he wanted something in return. neither clint, nor erik selvig wanted anything in return. they did whatever loki needed them to, unconsciously.

people tend to take the proof of his torture, and mistake it as proof of him being brainwashed for some reason. loki is not an innocent character who only started exhibiting “bad” behaviors in avengers. just because he’s done bad things doesn’t mean that you cannot love him, sympathize with him, or see him as the true victim in the story. he is the god of mischief. he is manipulative, and has deep rooted issues that causes him to do bad things in order to prove himself. you don’t need to dumb down his character, and motives in order to like him.

sorry if none of this makes any sense. i’m really bad at explaining my own thoughts and putting them into words, and i’m sure this could’ve been worded better. i just made this to clear things up as well as give my own take on the theory. don’t take it too seriously but also feel more than welcome to correct me on anything, as well as add your own take or anything else onto this.

thank you for reading!!

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ziorite · 3 months

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buckle up lads— i’ve played cello since before kindergarten and even if i’m no virtuoso, i’m about to unleash my thoughts on the scheherazade job upon the world anyways.

look, if hardison was good enough to play the scheherzade solo at fourteen there’s just no way he sounds that shit even if he hasn’t touched the instrument for ten years. he’s supposed to have been the most promising violinist in the city which has to be stiff competition because most classically trained string players start playing young. like three to five years old young. and we know hardison was a foster kid so he almost certainly started later than most. obviously he was talented, but now he can’t even play a scale? it just doesn’t make sense to me from what i know. i’ve gone a month without touching my cello and pretty much hopped straight back into the stuff i was practicing before after fifteen minutes of warm up. the knowledge of how to hold a bow and pull it across the string and make quality sound is the kind that doesn’t leave you— for anyone of teenage hardison’s supposed skill, that instinct is part of you for LIFE. so no, the persistent portrayal of present day hardison as completely incompetent just doesn’t sit right with me.

but that doesn’t mean i think he could pull off scheherazade’s solo without nate’s rather convenient hypnosis. so i googled around and here’s the sheet music:

to be honest i thought it would be absolute batshit crazy the way they treated it in the show. the shifts are kind of crazy but i can see a very dedicated fourteen year old who practiced the shit out of this solo being able to play it. not to say it’s not still hard! there are some SERIOUS high notes that you’d be hard pressed to hit perfectly every time even with weeks of practice under your belt. shit makes me sweat and i don’t even play that instrument.

it’s a damn impressive solo for a teenager to be playing and an absolutely deranged one to try and perform on such little notice. that’s why i need someone to rewrite the scheherazade job with more focus on hardison and his violin dammit! i feel like hardison would be able to bluff his way through the other parts of the piece with enough practice in the time he has before the job, but there’s just no way he’d be able to play that solo on his own after ten years of not touching the violin. he might not even be able to practice during all the time he has— his calluses would be gone!! that’s a whole other story!!

string instruments strings are vicious y’all. and a VAST majority of the scheherazade solo is on the teeny tiny e string that basically slices through raw fingertips. i can barely make it through five minutes of dedicated practice shifting around on my thinnest string and i’ve had my calluses built up for years; i can file these babies with a nail file and poke a hot pan with them— they get pretty damn thick, and hardison’s working with nuthin y’all. you can only go so far before you give yourself an actual blister you physically cannot play on.

as a result, i feel like hardison would’ve let nate hypnotize him if ONLY the oily little slime ball (with hate and love) had told him. i really don’t understand why nate didn’t say anything until the first place. aren’t they supposed to have learned that you’re not supposed to con your own crew already?? (not that i think nate would ever really take that to heart.)

anyways, that’s my hardison-should-be-better-at-violin propaganda as well as my why-the-scheherazade-job-needs-to-be-rewritten manifesto. maybe i’ll write it myself one of these days— leverage brainrot is real and it is a sickness. hope this 2 am rant didn’t disrupt anyone’s dashes too much!

#leverage #the scheherazade job #alec hardison #hardison #aldis hodge #leverage meta #nathan ford #nate ford

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letteredlettered · 2 months

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Hi!! Have you ever struggled with burnout, depression, or overwork? Currently in my first job post college and it’s been very intense as we are currently like 3 people doing the work of a team designed for 7 people (two roles they are working to fill and two people are out on leave -> one is out on vacation and the other on parental leave). Have spent many ours on overtime (around two days a week I usually sleep five or six hours and spend a few more hours working —> other days I work a bit less but still some overtime) for the last few months. It’s really hard to decompress and stop thinking about work as I work remotely. I need to get better at setting limits and advocating for myself but I think one issue I’ve been dealing with is getting caught in a cycle of having a lot so having not a lot of time to do an analysis of like what needs to change and this is my bandwidth. Also it’s hard to predict bandwidth sometimes because I’m still very new to this industry and department, so I’m still learning how much coordination is necessary to get something done. Another problem is that everyone is stretched to their limit and extremely busy, so I feel kind of bad rejecting projects. I think an issue is that I also have relatively low self-esteem and confidence but a deep desire to be “good” from like an academic perspective and a work perspective, and the main leader of my team is someone who I like a lot and appreciates what I do, so I keep trying to do more or at least meet expectations. I also receive assignments from different people (five people total, usually), so people generally don’t have visibility as to my bandwidth unless I speak up. One person in particular gave me a lot of assignments with a good deal of time pressure and was the person that I was working the closest with —> still trying to catch up to some of the more evergreen projects I had with him because the other projects I’ve had in the last two months have even way too intense to do anything else. I’m really grateful for this job and I like a lot of the people I work with, but I’m kind of struggling.

I mention all of this because I really respect the way you are able to commit to creative projects and create incredible works and really focus on making something. I’ve never really had an ability to stick to a creative project or hobby for an extended period of time —> frequently I disappoint myself in my lack of consistency or follow-through for a lot of my personal goals. I also really appreciate the way that you engage with certain themes in your work and value your perspective. So just kind of curious if you’ve been through this before or have any thoughts about this sort of thing

I've thought a lot about what to tell you here.

What anyone would recommend is that you set boundaries and take care of yourself. They'd say that your well-being is more important than your work. If they read your ask carefully they'd realize that maybe your performance in this job is connected to your well-being in your mind. If they're looking at the strings that control the system they're going to tell you capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking that we should sacrifice our health for the sake of production, and then they'll tell you you should do what you can to break out of the capitalist mentality. If they're not excited about seizing the means of production then their in-universe advice (in-the-capitalist-universe advice) is going to point out that you cannot produce more for the capitalist machine if you're burnt out (I'd call these people the neoliberals of tumblr but I'm not sure that exists; I haven't seen it).

But none of that is really addressing the problem here, because you already know all of that, or if you don't know it, knowing that isn't going to help you. You don't need to be told to set boundaries. You know you accept too many projects; you know that you haven't been clear with your colleagues about your bandwidth. You know you're trying too hard to please others and that part of the reason is you have a low self-esteem.

Something that people don't talk about enough is how bad it feels to set boundaries. When people advise others to "set boundaries" it's always as if it's never occurred to anyone else to stand up for themselves. The problem is that it usually has occurred to us, but it's hard to do and feels bad. Hearing "stand up for yourself!" repeatedly can sometimes help us feel like we did the right thing when we do manage to stand up for ourselves, but it can just as often make you feel even worse when you can't stand up for yourself. You're being overworked and you're not doing the thing that everyone tells you you should do.

And another thing that people do not talk about enough is that most workplaces do not like employees who set boundaries for themselves. They like people who say yes. You often won't get in trouble for setting reasonable limits for yourself, but you won't advance. The ones who work late and work on weekends and take on every project and say nothing about bandwidth are usually the ones who get promoted. I'm not saying this because it's right or okay. It's another flaw in the capitalist system. But it is very often true, and I've been a little frustrated that in all these glorious discussions about boundary-setting, this is not something that gets talked about more.

So what to do, when you know the answers, but it doesn't feel great, and might not get you where you want to go?

Spend time with your feelings. A lot of time with your feelings. Imagine ways to communicate your bandwidth. Imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Pick scenarios that feel more comfortable and less intimidating for you. Imagine saying no to a new project. Imagine how you would feel doing that. Pick a way of doing it that feels the most manageable.

Think about your colleagues, what you like about them and why. Imagine how they would feel if they knew that you were struggling. Imagine having an honest conversation with them about how hard this is for you. Would they listen open and compassionately? Would they try to make changes that could help you? Or would they say, "We're all going through it," and "there's nothing to be done?" Imagine saying to them, "I know we're all going through this, because of the staffing challenges we're facing," and "I know there's not much to be done about this, but this is how I'm feeling." Would they accept your vulnerability? Would it make you feel bad to be vulnerable in that way? Would it make you feel worse to be vulnerable in that way or to say nothing?

That's not a leading question. Saying nothing is okay. There have been many times where I am facing a problem and I realized that doing nothing was the thing that made me feel best. There were other times when I really didn't want to do something and I knew it would be incredibly hard, but I knew I would feel much better having done it.

Think about your self-esteem and confidence. Why don't you feel confident? When you imagine saying no, and it feels bad, what makes it feel so bad? Is it because other people don't say no? Are you measuring yourself against those other people? How can you stop doing that? Or is it because you feel like a good worker always says yes? Where did you get that idea? Was it an idea communicated to you by people who love you? By society? Are there people who haven't made you feel that your worth as a person was predicated on how much you were able to accomplish? When is the last time you spent time with them? What makes you feel good about yourself? When is the last time you did it? Are there things you can do outside of work to boost your confidence? What are they? Can you do them? Why not? If work is holding you back from doing them, is it worth it?

It's okay if work feels worth it. I'm not endorsing the capitalist machine when I say that it is okay to do something that is really difficult or unpleasant for a certain amount of time to get where you are going. But if that's what you're going to do, then develop a plan of escape. Ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with this. Ask yourself what the next step in your career or life journey is. Ask yourself what you will put up with to get there and what is unacceptable. Write it down if you have to, then try to abide by that, and if you are unable to bear your plan six months down the line, make a new one.

I am fortunate in that these kinds of questions come really naturally to me, and I think they must not come so naturally for a lot of other people. Definitely, there are blocks in my mind; I'm not always able to understand myself or my own feelings; I don't know what's best for myself or how to make myself do things I want. But this kind of thinking is not going to give you immediate answers. Instead, it's going to build the skill of getting to know yourself.

The ultimate question you should be asking is "What will make me happy?" It sounds like a simple question, but it is in fact the most difficult of all. It is the question we struggle with every day, and every book that was ever written, every song that was ever sung, every painting that was ever painted is about that, in the end. The answer to that question is the meaning of life. Most people never find it, but the search is worth it.

It's definitely worth it.

#work #jobs #capitalism #life

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lynxiesblog · 8 months

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hi! i've been listening to subliminals for maybe 2ish years, and I learned about the law of assumption a little bit ago. I have that mindset of whatever I'm manifesting is mine, apart from the occasional stray thoughts, and I see people seeing subliminal results take as long as you think they will but sometimes I feel like I've never gotten any results at all or if I have they've gone away. Especially when it comes to appearance subs I feel like I haven't gotten any results in the time I've been listening to them. Sorry for the rant but if I could get any insight I would rlly appreciate it! <3

No need to apologize my luv :) ♡

I definitely know what you’re talking about — I kinda had the same experience especially when I started manifesting my desired body. I would see the results then after a while they would go away. Before everything you need to convince yourself that your results are permanent no MATTER what, because they literally are. There’s no question about it.

Some tips that’s really helped me :

˚ . ˚✧ Flat out ignoring the fact that I’m manifesting x physical aspect about myself (in my case, it was my body);

some people say whenever you’re manifesting a physical change you shouldn’t focus too much on what you’re seeing in the 3D, but let’s be honest it’s kinda impossible not to😭 . soo, what I did was instead of having a negative reaction towards what the 3D is showing me I would affirm while looking in the mirror saying “omg when did my waist get so small” or “why have my hips gotten so wide all of sudden???” while looking at my body and “acting” as if I was genuinely surprised.

˚ . ˚✧ Affirming as I am falling asleep — I am being so honest if you are “lacking results” literally listen to one subliminal overnight, I say one because you don’t want to oversaturate your brain especially if you’re trying to manifest something new.

++ while I would be falling asleep I would repeat each affirmation 5 times. E.g let’s say I want to have a smaller nose I would affirm :

“I already have a small/ button/ ski slope nose”

“It is an objective fact that i have a small/ button/ ski slope nose”

“I truly know that i have a small/ button/ ski slope nose”

“I can go on with life now, as i know that i already have a small/ button/ ski slope nose.”

“My manifestations are done.”

“I feel all of the joys and sensations of having a small/ button/ ski slope nose immediately.”

“The 3D physical world is simply an illusion and doesn´t determine what’s real. I already and truly have a small/ button/ ski slope nose.”

While affirming, you really have to ACT as if you already have your desire. This method works the fastest in my opinion and for me personally, so I am constantly recommending it ♡

˚ . ˚✧ Changing sub makers / making my own subs — there are many famous sub makers that others get results from that I have never gotten results from or when I did they went away same thing as you. And that is completely fine I would recommend you take out the subliminals that you think don’t work for you and replace them with others <3

Some sub makers that work very well for me are :

Aiko’s potion (to be more specific her symmetrical face sub, princess peach lips sub & body sub) — she’s literally the ONLY sub maker than I got results from when using her symmetrical face sub. I got my results pretty much instantly 😭😭

Kestiny — I just started using her subliminal but they work so so well . Especially her feline eyes sub, friends sub, confidence sub; they are all 10/10’s

I want it, I go it — her pretty privileged sub worked INSTANTLY

Raemi — the clear skin sub worked overnight for me no joke😭

Those are the main people I have in my current playlist and I’ve been getting constant results so you should definitely check them out <3

˚ . ˚✧ TAKE PICTURES OF BEFORE AND AFTER — I cannot stress this enough you won’t notice any changes unless you compare old pictures to recent ones. You don’t have to do this with everything you’re manifesting but with things such as your eyes, nose, jaw, eyebrows, whatever it may be you should definitely take pictures and kinda try to forget about them for a while then taking a new one after couple of days (or even weeks) and compare them. (Try taking the pictures in the same lighting & angle so that you’ll be able to see the difference clearly)

˚ . ˚✧ if you speak a different language (in my case French & Spanish) — you should try making your own subliminals in that language it speeds up your results by a lot :)

I wrote so much I am so sorry😭, I truly hope this helps you. Im always free for you to dm me if you want me to expand more on a point or share my playlist 💕.

#111111 #affirmations #law of assumption #loa #manifestation #subliminals #self concept #spirituality #subliminal results #kitties #advice #success story #scientific method #manifesting #loassumption

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buggiebite · 2 months

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The Life of a Victor

First chapter is published!

I am relatively new to writing and publishing fanfic on AO3. I’m still learning the ropes and making adjustments. But, I really have high hopes for this fanfic!

Summary: Katniss Everdeen learns to navigate her life as a Victor while living under the Capitol’s demand. A mentor, wife, and soon to be mother, she must weigh her choices to pursue the happiest life manageable and protect those she loves.

I’ll add a snippet to preview here:

As if the train were a bassinet, I long to feel it sway back and forth to lull me asleep. Only, it never does. It stays insistent in its fashion. Moving so fast I cannot feel it at all. The light fixture above me does not falter or attempt to. The decorative picture frames stay put. Glinting in the moonlight as we twist and turn through the countryside. It makes me sick, queasy to be exact. This stiffening feeling of being on a train for the rest of my life. Caught in a loop that I wish I was never a part of. The life of a Victor.

I close my eyes and focus on the events of the last day. An aged black car making tire tracks at the gates of Victor’s Village. Hugging Prim and Mother farewell, promising to see them soon. Joining Peeta and Haymitch in the cramped backseat and meandering our way to the train station. Setting off to a week of parties in the Capitol, all dedicated to the Victor of the 79th Hunger Games. Today was not eventful in the slightest. Other than the meal that is better than anyone in District 12 could concoct. I sigh deeply before opening my eyes again to find a pair another staring back at me.

Out of defiance of his concern, I would close my eyes again, but I don’t. He knows I cannot sleep. Not on this train. Not in our bed. Not even in his arms, at least not for too long. Something I greatly appreciate about Peeta is his ability to read me without speaking. He does not say a word as he reaches a short distance to move the stray hairs from my face. Then goes to pet my bare arm softly. I watch his hand as he shoulders this and eventually drifts back to the blue of his eyes.

“What can I do for you?” He asks quietly, a deep rasp in his throat that indicates he was sleeping moments ago.

What couldn’t he do for me? I could list a million things he could do, but I won’t name them. I shake my head and scoot closer to his center. Where his beating heart massages my temple. Each time we board this train and inevitably spend our time in the Capitol, I worry Peeta will lose his scent. The sweet cinnamon and dill aroma that has become a comfort in times of chaos. He never does. It sticks to his hair no matter how much it is washed and styled. He’s constantly followed by these sentiments of home that keep me steady.

I acutely inhale and copy the movement of his fingers that are now at my hips. I trail soft fingertips over his freckled arms, I cannot see these freckles in the darkness of the train car, but I know they’re there. Hundreds of multicolored dots litter his skin like wildflowers in the wilderness.

“You can turn this train around.” I joke pitifully. Removing my hand to adjust his own to massage where I am sore. He chuckles a little and lightly kisses my forehead. We’ve been married for nearly three years. It was arranged, yes, but sometimes I cannot help but feel like it’s all real. That I married him for love and not to quell an uprising. Then, I get those paralyzing thoughts of the girl I used to be. Afraid of marriage, of any sort of domestic life, because it could be ripped away from her in a second.

Now, I am without choice in the matters of anything. I live my life how President Snow wants me to. Putting away my bow and arrows and replacing them with a shiny diamond ring and a title I can never deny. Mother.

Six months roughly. That’s how far along I am. Prim reminds me all of the time. Updating me on sizes and little facts I wonder where she learned. Surely not in school. Maybe from our mother, but, I doubt it. She had been very despondent to the idea of being a grandmother. I don’t blame her. Prim gloats over it quite often. Asking all sorts of questions about the life growing inside of me.

This was never my intention, yet I knew it was coming. Somehow I made myself believe I would never have children in the position I am in. A Victor. That within a few years Peeta and I would slowly be forgotten and we could forget. I kick myself for being so naive. All it took was threats to our families and we agreed. Taking a few months to conceive but eventually became successful. I cried for a month. I still cry. Not because of the hormones, but for the guilt I feel over the little person who wriggles inside of me. A death sentence has already been written. Peeta tells me not to think of it that way. Or think of it at all. I can tell that he’s pained by it just as much as I am, but in brief, fleeting moments I can see the joy of fatherhood radiating off him.

I normally don’t like anyone touching my protruding stomach, even I fein from it. I, however, let Prim, and in the heat of the moment, let Peeta. Reaching for his hand again I place it on my swell. His touch calms me, rubbing soothing circles and smiling when there’s a kick in response.

We don’t speak for the rest of the night. I plant a few kisses on his collarbone and he to my head. I try to bury my thoughts deep within the covers. Tossing them out the cracked train window. Disposing of them so I can get some

semblance of sleep. With time, I do, just to be awoken a few mere hours later by nightmares of screaming infants being ripped from my arms.

Breakfast comes quicker than anticipated. Morning sun stretching and bending in the windows of the compartments. Tall pines caked in snow leaving streaks of blues and whites ablur outside. When I enter the dining car, Haymitch is wide awake and reading a magazine. Feet crossed and propped in an adjacent chair. Making use of Effie’s absence, as she would have lost her wig if she ever saw him doing this.

“Morning, sunshine.” Haymitch nods, his eyes peering up at me from his reading glasses. Mother says that’s an effect of alcohol: poor vision. Seeing him like this makes me want to snicker, and say something rude about my mentor being old. But I know better than that. It is too early for our childish arguments and I am not in the sunniest mood his nickname implied I was.

Instead of replying, I shove a few strawberries into my mouth. Then I sit two chairs away from where his bare feet ruin the fine velvet chair. I hear Peeta’s footsteps before his greeting. A sleepy but alert ‘good morning’. Inferring he slept similarly to how I did, I send him a little smile that he can hopefully read as my apology. Sleep has never been an easy concept for us. Every minute of it, that is not of nightmares and tortuous memories, is precious.

It is Haymitch that chimes in first. “Busy night?” He asks. I cannot remember the last time he cared, and why should he? I look over to Peeta who has stopped chewing his eggs and looks suspiciously at our mentor. I notice the little, lavender-grey bags that hang from Peeta’s eyes. I have not looked in a mirror but I would guess I look more disheveled than my husband.

“Walls are thin. That’s all I’m saying.” Haymitch adds. Looking up at us again. Waiting for a response, but all I can think of is my screaming. Which is nothing new to him, or out of the ordinary.

“We’re married, Haymitch,” Peeta states defensively. I look around questioningly and dig my fork into the roasted potatoes splayed across my plate. “And our compartments are nowhere near each other. Which means you were eavesdropping. Just when I thought you couldn’t get more disgusting.”

With an eye roll from the drunkard, he moans, “Just keep it in your pants when I’m in the vicinity. The least you could do.” I see him point at me from my peripheral. Blood rising to the apples of my cheeks and peaks of my ears. “And maybe don’t beg so loud, Sweetheart. The whole train thought Peeta was dying.”

Reminiscing last night caused my blush to deepen. Steamy kisses that tasted of hot chocolate. Peeta and I’s clothes were haphazardly thrown across the bathroom. Somehow we managed to fit in the tiny shower together. That is where the first part of the night began. The rest on the plush sheets of the bed.

Peeta managed to get a book about pregnancy. A detailed manual about what to expect from the expecting mother and soon-to-be infant. Foods to eat and not to. What parts of the body may ache and how to combat it. The activities the baby does in the womb: kick, open its eyes, gain the ability to hear. My husband informed me of the side effects too. Increased libido is one. I did not believe him—or should I say the book—but I was wrong. From the brush of his hands against the small of my back to the chaste kisses we share often. I feel that swirl of hunger in my gut that beckons me for more.

Snapping my eyes over at Haymitch, not giving the benefit of my reaction. I chew harder on my breakfast and shoot Peeta an aggravated look. Last night was not the first time we have had sex during our travels. Thinking about it, we may have done it every time we have been on this train for the last couple of years.

“Can you keep your nose out of our relationship? Go to the bar or something.” I tell our mentor, to which he obliges.

Peeta reaches for my hand across the table and gently rubs his thumb over my knuckles. He does not have to say the words, I feel them in his touch. Apologizing for Haymitch’s behavior. Peeta has been frequent with apologies lately. Saying ‘sorry’ for the looks I get and questions I’m asked regarding the baby. I tell him each time it’s not his fault. There’s no need for him to ask forgiveness, but he does anyway.

Before long, we arrive in the Capitol. The glistening reflections of windows bouncing off the surrounding skyline. Looking improved by renovation from our last visit six months ago. Remaking the Capitol so often, it is hardly the city I saw for the first time years ago. Sheets of snow pile on the ground. Falling from the mountains and sprinkling the decorative coats of the paparazzi and crowd. Five years since the 74th Games and still, it is like we won yesterday. The way the people flock to us and try to capture bits of our presence. Peeta brushes them away with a smile. I try to ignore them when they reach for my stomach.

My pregnancy was announced during the Hunger Games six months ago. Mentors congregate in a rooftop plaza, they share drinks and talk like friends once their tributes die. At the time, our oldest tribute was still alive. Eighteen and a boy from the Seam: Abriel Sampson was bitten by a rattlesnake in the desert arena and was going to die without medicine. If it weren’t for being instructed to announce the coming of our baby, Peeta and I would have done it anyway for sponsors.

Caesar Flickerman stopped us—we left Haymitch to watch our remaining tribute—and interviewed us for updates on our married life.

“I help my family at the bakery still, Katniss does too,” Peeta told him when he asked what we were up to. Half a lie.

“I’m not the best baker.” My reply prompts a laugh from the crowd of sponsors and reporters. Peeta always wraps a sturdy arm around me when we make a sort of appearance. His hand fell to the crease of my waist in a protectively reassuring way. It was Peeta who told them. He knew I could not let the words escape my mouth, not without shutting down and running away as fast as I could.

“We actually have a surprise,” Peeta says, a hint of his voice happy. I watched as every pair of eyes opened wider, Caesar's lipstick turning into a grin. “Well tell us! Don’t keep us waiting. Panem wants to know!”

Panem wants to know. I imagined my mother and sister, my in-laws, my once best friend, and his family, watching the screen. Seeing Peeta and I as a united front and about to announce what would change the course of our lives forever.

Peeta looked down at me and I up at him. I pretended to be happy at that moment. With a plastered smile and nudge to my husband. “Katniss and I are going to have a baby.”

Abriel lasted a few more days with the medicine we got for him. But, like always, it was never enough.

We stay in the Tribute Center. On the twelfth floor in our same penthouse. The showers are the same, spacious chamber of suds and smells. The furniture has been rearranged and replaced. Switching colors to match the season like every year. Peeta and I’s schedule is lenient until the evenings. When we have been ordered to eat dinner with high-ranking Capitolites. Haymitch does not come to those outings or any outings. The only reason he is here is to attend the grand party at the President’s Mansion in a few days.

Effie makes her appearance before our first dinner. Arriving in an elaborate, frilly blue coat accustomed to the chilling winds outside. One look at me and she is sent into a blubbering fit.

“Oh, my Victor! You’re radiant, dear.” Effie dabs away tears to save her powdery makeup. She hugs me tenderly and makes a shocked gasp. “Why Katniss you are huge! Must be those broad shoulders, eh Peeta? If I’d known better, I would think you are about to pop!” Effie giggles and taps an already-dressed Peeta on the shoulder in reference.

“She’s only six months, Effie.” My husband tells her.

“Ah, ah, 31 weeks.” The escort corrects. Blindsiding me a little. I know that babies are (hopefully) born at nine months, but putting it in weeks makes me feel a little breathless. If I am 31 weeks like Effie has said, I only have nine to go. If everything goes smoothly.

My hair and makeup have already been done, which makes Effie’s job a lot simpler: ensuring I am dressed properly. Cinna and Portia have been exceedingly busy, she tells me. The two have been working on our outfits for the party. Cinna sent an assistant of his to get my measurements earlier. I’m sure this pregnancy has made his job twenty times as difficult. Everything about my body has changed. My waist has expanded along with my hips. My thighs have grown to labor this baby. Breasts doubled and filled with milk to eventually feed the little child.

Effie clothes me in a velvet, red, trench coat. Lined in pink accents and tied with a bow over my stomach. Like a wrapped present. I harrumph in annoyance when she shows me in the mirror. It is beautiful and fancy, and I am almost positive Cinna made it. Which makes me feel even worse for criticizing it negatively.

A pink dress that is the same color as the coat’s lining is what I wear under the jacket. Long enough to touch my ankles, but not enough to hide my feet. I am put in heels that pinch at my toes and do nothing for my swollen feet. I should know better when it comes to the Capitol. I’m quite used to not getting what I want. However, it makes me choked up at how unbelievably uncomfortable I am. Looking in the mirror and not seeing a sliver of the girl who volunteered for her sister.

Living with Peeta for so long has taught me something special. He never outright says it but I have seen it in how he acts. Peeta always searches for the rays of sunshine in the bitterly horrible world. So I think of what is a positive to avoid tears.

This time of year in the Capitol is better than the rest. No active games are occurring or twenty-three unlucky returning home in a pine box. I don’t have to sit and watch as my tributes die like I have done every year since I have mentored. Winter means partying. Good food and reacquainting with friends. But, it also means starvation in the districts. It also means prying questions about my baby. It also means I’m further away from home and closer to the evil clutches of President Snow.

“Chin up, Katniss.” Effie scolds me as if I’m still the sixteen-year-old who was sentenced to death.

#I’m really excited and also hoping to stick to this. it will take me a while fs bc of school and life but I’m going to try real hard #buggiebite #the hunger games #everlark #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #thg #district 12 #fanfic #primrose everdeen #Mrs Everdeen #gale hawthorne #Willow Mellark #everlark married #Katniss Mellark #toastbaby

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parachutingkitten · 1 month

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Not an ask per se, just a similar feeling. You’re someone whose Ninjago stuff, here and on YT, I’ve really enjoyed for at least a few years. And I’ve been similarly obsessed with the show for some time. But… it’s as you say — DR is objectively fine, objectively nice, but I don’t feel the same obsession about it and its characters, plot, etc that I used to feel all the time with Ninjago. And I *cannot* figure out why, and it’s also been driving me slightly up the wall. It’s maybe because I genuinely try to give media the best chance when I interact with it, but despite multiple DR rewatches I don’t see what everyone else sees. And the disconnect is a sad, like you mention — I joined the community here because I was so glad to have people who loved this show in the same ways I did, and now it’s like they’re all on a different wavelength and I want to be there but I’m not. It’s definitely strange for sure, made worse I think by the fact that DR isn’t like horrifically bad or anything, I just feel… okay, when watching it, and can’t even explain why.

I don’t know how much sense this makes, but I thought it might be something for you to think about if you’d like. I’ve been tossing around the idea that I don’t love DR because it is… good. It’s good, but too neat — if that makes sense? The new characters — I love them all, but their personalities and backstories and situations they’re put in all remind me of several other stories. The subplots of the episodes always have an end goal in mind, often an emotional realisation, and whilst that’s a neat way to tell stories, it doesn’t feel like, to me, the way Ninjago used to tell stories. Like, the first thing that comes to mind is Sora feeling hopeless and that episode with the djin where she realises that it’s important to hope. And maybe this isn’t a great comparison (as I’m typing it out, I realise that it isn’t the best example oof), but I immediately thought of Zane after Seabound, when he’d turned off his emotions. Sora’s bad feelings, whilst not as ‘significant’ as Zane’s in that context, began just before and were wrapped up neatly in that episode and not brought up again. Zane acts detached from the start of S16 if I remember, and it’s only near the end of the season (I think! I know that it’s a few eps at least) when he meets Sally, talks to her, learns a little about her life, and is able to come to the realisation that he shouldn’t be repressing everything. I think DR, because of the amount of characters it has, especially those that are new, and the amount of new worldbuilding, plot stuff, etc that they have to add in, it being a reboot/sequel type of thing, leaves less time for the nuance and time devoted to the character arcs in the original show. Or maybe I’m just crazy, honestly idk.

Something else that stands out to me is the fact that DR has to establish so much about these new characters and their world that they… they do something that old Ninjago didn’t do, and whilst it’s maybe objectivity a better storytelling choice, I think it’s part of the reason I’m not really feeling it. What they do is that they have the characters act kind of realistic. Arin worries about his parents, often. Sora did too. Wyldfyre and Kai definitely have a few moments where it’s implied that they’re confused about what’s up with their powers. In Ninjago up to s16, because they wrote a lot of it without intending much or anything to come after it, I feel like they thought less about this than the DR writers, who know that they’ve got a few seasons lined up, do. For example — hands of time is when we find out about Ray and Maya, but it was never often addressed by Nya and Kai. It’s brought up in s4, of course, but if they were real kids whose parents had vanished one day they’d probably bring it up more often, like Arin did. But it’s often not done in the narrative because the writers gave them other things to focus on, because they’re storytelling devices and not real kids. There was no real buildup to Nya being the water ninja, for example, but Sora’s said to be good with tech a few moments after we meet her. This ain’t a critique of either show — just a different choice I sort of picked up on, if it even makes any sense. And as crazy as it may sound, I liked that about the old Ninjago — it saw the characters more as storytelling devices, I think, than relatable to the audience (Kai was the hothead, Jay the humour, etc — ofc they were more than that, but they retained that sort of vibe from S1 a little all throughout the show I think). DR, on the other hand, seems to want their characters to be more relatable, more multifaceted, make more sense — which, when coupled with the fact that they’re new characters and that the ninjago fandom has historically thrived on gaps in the show to enjoy it (we’re a very AU, OC, heavy fandom, etc), I think DR attempting to flesh out their characters in the way that we’re often used to doing with the old characters in fic, art, etc means that I like DR a little less because there’s less to ‘work with’, and less that inspires thinking of the characters in different situations — bc whilst relating is nice, it is also enjoyable when the characters are written with some core characteristics in mind and you explore other parts of them or those characteristics in different contexts. I don’t think makes much sense, but I hope that it maybe gives you something to think about — as you can probably see, I’ve been going a little crazy over not liking it and not knowing why, so I know that the feeling isn’t great.

I'm picking up what you're putting down here. My next video has a bit about getting disillusioned with a fandom, and it sucks. It always does. It's heartbreaking when you feel like that special bond between you and your show was somehow broken. I empathies, and it's important to feel it out.

Now, I don't think ninjago was better at character arcs, i don't think having a character arc be longer is better, or even really a characteristic of classic ninjago, but I do think the DR character arcs feel very by the book. They're following the screenwriting 101 guide perfectly, but it ends up feeling a bit lacking because of it? If that makes sense? Now, ninjago was historically very bad at character arcs, but when they got it right, they always had a bit of a spin on things, and interesting visual payoff, whatever. I think the zane's emotions arc isn't particularly great (and the sally piece is sort of at the end of the first half of the season ;) I would argue sora's arc in season 1 about finding confidence is better, but that doesn't mean I find it much more enjoyable.

I will agree that that the characters in ninjago definitely feel more like characters, while the DR cast (old cast included) feel more like people. Neither are a bad thing, but I think it definitely has an effect on the tone. Characters allow for a more lighthearted goofy vibe, because the show isn't asking you to completely suspend your disbelief most of the time. DR on the other hand, does want a little more vulnerability from its audience on a regular basis.

Lastly, I do think you're onto something with DR being fully planned. The two seasons we have so far feel very indistinct. There is less of a defining singular "adventure" in each season. And again, that's not a good thing or a bad thing, but it ends up making things feel different. Ninjago is an episodic series of adventures. DR is a continual evolving set of circumstances. Those are just going to feel different.

#ninjago #dragons rising #dr spoilers #asks #thanks anon!

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tinywitchgoblin · 8 days

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Hi I am so sorry I put an ask in a few moments ago for a bad batch ship but I thought of more things to add 😅 so if you don’t mind I’ll start again.

Could I please get a sfw/nsfw if you’re comfortable with that.

I’m in my mid 20s afab, she/her pronouns. I’m an infp a Scorpio, I sit comfortably as an ambivert and I have adhd. I’m 5’7” and am petite with a pear shape body and hearty hips.

I was raised by a kick ass single mother, my passions are music, reading, starwars, theology and mythology.

I am a dreamer who is constantly looking for magic and the impossible. I am empathetic and caring, outgoing, conscientious and compassionate.

In my teen years I was planning on studying to be a doctor like the rest of my family but decided against it when I couldn’t stomach losing patients.

I’m an administrator with a experienced background in medical administration but I have since left the medical profession instead focusing on broad administrative roles.

I my past I have experience with martial arts (ninjitsu and aikido) with focus on Bo staff as well as hand to hand combat and defence, figure skating and reiki.

My family and my friends are my life. I would do anything to protect them. I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. I cannot wait to have children of my own.

I believe that everything in life happens for a reason, both the good and the bad. Everything that we experience shapes us, teaches us and makes us who we are. I wouldn’t change even the worst things I’ve experienced because it makes me who I am. And I’m happy with the person I’ve grown (and am continuing to grow) to be.

If I were in the Star Wars universe I would adore being a powerful force user who only discovered her abilities later into her 20s (who wouldn’t 😂)

I am a romantic person at heart. Although I try to act tough and independent, I’m soft and delicate. I’ve been wronged in love too many times so I have a shield up to protect me. My love language are mainly physical touch and words of affirmation but I enjoy a even amount of all of them. My partner left me at the beginning of the year so I’m learning to be my own person again, heal my heart and start again.

I think I’ve gotten everything this time 😂 thank you so much for your time !

Of course!!

I ship you with...

Echo!

Echo loves every single thing about you, but if he absolutely had to choose, it would be your heart. He sees how much you care about the people around you and how protective you are of your loved ones. Since you started dating (and even before), you grew to be very protective of his family, too, in a way that none of them had really experienced from a non-clone before. Plus, seeing the way you and Omega bonded made his heart melt.

Echo has been through so much pain and suffering, whether that be during or after the war, and he's grown a bit jaded. However, with you, he started seeing the good in the galaxy again. He admires your outlook on life and your desire to learn from your mistakes and become a better person, and he finds it very inspiring. He also finds it fascinating when you talk about theology, especially when it has tangible applications. Echo was never religious, and it wasn't something he was exposed to when he was younger, so to hear you talk about it is something that means a lot to him. He loves having those types of conversations with you.

Learning different types of martial arts was an integral part of Echo's ARC training, so he's a very skilled martial artist- easily the best of the batch. He loves sparring with you and teaching you some of what he learned, as well as learning new techniques from you. It's a good way to keep in shape and he gets to spend more time with you- it's a win-win! Sometimes, Hunter will join in as he has some martial skills as well, but it usually ends with Echo whooping his ass solely for the purpose of showing off (respectfully, of course).

Due to his prostheses, Echo is a bit nervous about engaging in physical affection with you at first, but eventually, after lots of patience and slowly building up to it, he ends up loving it. Some afternoons, the batch will walk in and see you and him cuddling on the couch, fast asleep, not a care in the world. When you sleep at night, you typically end up spooning, but who ends up in which position tends to vary. Either way, as long as you're together, Echo feels safe and secure, both physically and emotionally; you are his safe place.

Thanks for reading! If you want a ship request like this, drop it in my ask box, and don't forget to reblog <3

#the bad bois #the bad batch #clone trooper echo #bad batch echo #arc trooper echo #echo #tbb echo #is there an echo in here #echo the bad batch #echo tbb #the bad batch echo #star wars x reader

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quinloki · 6 months

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With a month still to go I have written 500,000 words this year.

And it’s not enough.

I need to be able to write like three things simultaneously. I have so much banging around in my head and yeah it is kind of random where my focus lands, but it’s all still in there, beating against my skull.

I cannot write fast enough. I don’t have the time either 😩

I don’t even wanna win the lottery to retire, I wanna win so I can write more. It almost drives me mad sometimes, and the hardest part are the days when it all goes silent. When I know that no matter what I’m not going to write a word that day.

I’ve learned at least to accept it and just do something else, but it doesn’t make it less aggravating. One word, ten words, every step is another step closer, and I’m sure I’m going to get there.

I can’t see an end to it but I don’t want to see an end. I want to keep writing even if it’s just a matter of using the same AU, the same premise, and just changing the character of focus. I want to poke and twist and prod all the possibilities from all the angles I can.

I have ten years to make up for.

I mean, that’s not really right. I didn’t write for ten years because I thought I was too awful a writer to bother, but at some point the desire to write was more important than what someone else thought of it.

There’s not really a point to this post. I think I just needed to vent a little. And not necessarily vent in a bad way. Just words banging against teeth I guess.

#quin muses #quin vents

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jamesthedigidestined · 6 months

Text

TaiKouvember Day 4B: Healing

Koushirou didn’t want to dump water all over his best friend, but he couldn’t bear seeing Taichi in such a state. Not his strong, dependable friend.

Once Taichi has bolted awake and locked eyes with Koushirou, he knows he made the right choice. Wet bloodshot eyes return his gaze, quickly looking away once their confusion dissipates.

“…How much did you figure out…” Taichi was the first to speak. It was less of a question and more of a statement, and whether Kou was even meant to hear the quiet words was anyone’s guess.

Koushirou, having planned his course of action swiftly, throws a towel at the drenched boy in front of him.

“I’m sorry Taichi-san, I didn’t want to throw water on you. You looked to be in so much pain, I couldn’t bear to see it.” Koushirou says in an empathetic tone. He too knew all too well the nightmares the Digital World had inflicted upon them.

“It’s fine Kou, I’m sorry you had to see that. No more kimchi before bed, right?” Taichi tries to smile, hiding his pain behind a joke. Koushirou returns the smile but still pushes forward.

“I don’t think kimchi is the only problem here. Would you like to talk about what happened?” Koushirou says this a bit slowly, sitting beside his friend’s bed on the floor. He looks up earnestly at his friend, fully willing to listen.

As much as Taichi wishes he could keep quiet, wishes he could forget this whole thing, wishes he could ignore the redhead in front if him, he simply can’t. Taking a slow, gentle breath, he begins to recount the dream.

Koushirou, for his part, never stops listening. A focused look slowly appears on his face, his mind moving to connect every bit of information in the hopes of helping his aching friend.

By the time Taichi finishes, Koushirou already has him in a hug. Taichi slowly returns it, but still protests.

“I’m still wet Kou, you’re going to-“

“Taichi-san, Agumon is safe.”

“I know, but-“

“He forgave you, right?”

“That hardly-“

“Then why can’t you forgive yourself?”

“Why should I be forgiven?”

Taichi will never forget that stern pained look in Koushirou’s eyes.

“Would Agumon want to hear you say that? What about Sora? Or Hikari? Would any of our friends want to hear that from our leader? I understand this feeling Taichi, of feeling like you’ve hurt your partner in indescribable ways, but you cannot let it control you. Agumon is safe and happy. He is away, but we can still communicate. And he would tell you the same thing as I am right now. You have to forgive yourself. You have to move forward and heal. You have to focus on the *whole* story. Yes he may have Dark Digivolved, but you were carrying the burden of being the only Crest-bearer at a time when we were facing Etemon head on. It was only natural you would make a mistake. A mistake you learned from when you properly Digivolved to save Sora from Datamon!”

“But SkullGreymon could have killed us!”

“And so could have Etemon, but you saved us Taichi-san. And you’ve saved Agumon too. Our Digimon were made for us, but that doesn’t mean the love we have for them or them for us is any less real.”

That last line left Taichi quiet, closing his eyes as his breathing softened. He really did love Agumon, he was like the little brother he never had. He had mistreated Agumon, pushed him into something he wasn’t ready for, and that will always stay with him. That doesn’t mean he has to let it control him either. They were alive and well today after all, all because they could achieve a bond even stronger than it took to achieve MetalGreymon.

“Thank you Koushirou, I’ll try to forgive myself.”

“Good, I’m glad Taichi-san. Now change into a new pair of pajamas, you’re going to catch a cold.”

Taichi could only laugh before throwing his damp nightshirt at the one who made him wet and cold go begin with.

#taikouvember2023 #taikouvember #taichi yagami #koushirou izumi #healing #fanfiction #fanfic #digimon #digific #taishirou

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teecupangel · 6 months

Note

Hello! I love your fics and was wondering if you had any advice for someone who has never really written anything before but would like to start?

Like with yours, do you have the whole story planned out beforehand or just the some plot points and wing the rest?

Also, when making your mutli-chapter ones, how many chapters do you find yourself writing in one go?

Hello! I’m glad you loved my fics!

Oh, hhhmmm. I mean, I guess the best advice I got since I started writing is to write what you want to write and read. Write with the idea that your main audience, the one you’re trying to make happy, is yourself.

As for more concrete advices, I have a habit of forgetting specific words and OneLook really helps. I also reblog any posts I think that might become a reference in a specific sideblog so they would be easier to find. So if there’s any reference you think you’d use a lot or might use, you can either save it somewhere you can access easily or, if it’s in Tumblr, create a sideblog for them.

As for planning the whole story, especially a multichaptered one…

Well…

What I first do is make notes of what I want to include in the fic. The notes can be detailed or just a simple list, the main point of the notes is to give you an idea of the flow of the story. It’s not meant to be a beat by beat of what you’re going to write. Just… a guideline that you can edit at any time.

After that, I usually research whatever I believe would become part of the timeline, especially for fics set in historical setting like AC. For example, in Eagle of Alamut, I primarily research how Alamut would look like (taking inspiration from both AC Mirage’s released promotional photos and Prince of Persia the movie’s Alamut design) and noted important dates leading to the Third Crusades. For Ouverture, I researched where in Paris I could throw Desmond in (and that’s how I learned of Mozart being in Paris and able to incorporate him in the story).

Also, I made this timeline to make it easier for me to look back at everyone’s ages and any important AC related events.

I usually make this very barebone like this one for The Price of Power

Of course, you don’t have to research everything immediately. Most of the time, I only do light research of the timeline and focus more on researching what would be necessary for the first chapters. For example, I knew shit was going to go down in 1187 which included a battle that leads to Saladin taking Jerusalem. Did I specifically know the important names, dates and locations? Nope. It was written in my notes as “1197 Siege of Jerusalem”. I only researched about it when I was writing Chapter 32.

The main reason why I do this is because… I cannot stress how much my writing deviates from the original plot. If you read the og plot for Eagle of Alamut, Desmond and Altaïr were never meant to meet until the start of AC1 and they were meant to have a more… rivals vibe to them but if you read Eagle of Alamut, you know that went sideways already.

… or maybe I plan to ‘correct the timeline’ later on, who knows. (I know. I already have it planned, mwuhahaha)

So it’s honestly better in my opinion to not plan too much. Take note of the key plot points but think of those as a helping guide, not a strict point by point milestone.

Like… spoilers for Ouverture, a key plot point was Desmond taking Arno away from Paris and going to the homestead. That was a key plot point that will forever be part of the story. Did I plan for Desmond to develop a sorta father/son bond with Bellec? Nope. That just happened while I was writing. And it was because of that deviation that the conflict with the council became part of the fic.

So yeah, in a nutshell, I plan some plot points and wing the rest. Most of the time, I usually wing it when the writing goes in a direction that ends with me going “Oh, we’re doing this? Alright.”

For your last question, well… I have a strict schedule I adhere to because not having it makes it hard for me to get anything done. I usually spend 3~4 hours per day writing depending on if I have any urgent work that needed to be done that day and have to OT. During that time, I get approximately 700~1000 words written per hour and my chapter lengths vary in terms of… how I feel.

Like, for Eagle of Alamut and Zero Eclipse, the chapter length varies because I deem a chapter complete only if I feel like it’s a good stopping point (and yeah, sometimes that does mean cliffhangers, sorry).

But for something like Beloved Moon or fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum, the chapter ends when the ‘theme’ is reached. For example, Beloved Moon’s chapters usually ends with someone saying the moon is beautiful or any of its variation while fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum’s chapters always ends after the ‘night’ is concluded. There's also The Shadow’s Endgame that I mostly try to end in a way that makes it feel like each chapter is a CoD campaign mission. And then there's Möbius that almost always ends with Desmond fainting XD

So yeah, if you’re asking how many chapters I write in one go in a day? It’s either 0 or 1 XD

#ask and answer #writing tips #i guess?

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that-ari-blogger · 9 days

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A Weird Finale (For Good)

Catharsis is a weirdly complex emotion. Weird in the sense of how it operates. Catharsis isn’t an emotion, that’s kind of the whole point, but it acts like one. Catharsis makes you feel better, it makes you laugh or cry or maybe both, and there are very few literary tools as powerful as the ability to make your audience emote.

Catharsis is the releasing of strong emotions. If I tell a joke, the catharsis is the punch line. If I tell a sad story about a friend getting badly injured, the catharsis is the conclusion where I tell you that they are ok.

Case and point, For Good is the final song of Wicked. Kind of. It isn’t really, the story continues afterwards, and a song called Finale follows that. But For Good feels like the conclusion a story. It certainly reflects on the events of the musical as a whole, and makes a conclusion going forward.

It is also one of the two songs in all of musical theatre that I cannot make it through without crying, and this post is my defence of that inability.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (Wicked, Hazbin Hotel, Andor)

“I'm limited Just look at me I'm limited And just look at you You can do all I couldn't do Glinda So now it's up to you For both of us Now it's up to you”

Elphaba has failed in her journey. She wanted total freedom, and she couldn’t achieve it. She wanted the ability to make a change in the world, but she was just one person. She failed.

The reuse of the Unlimited Lite Motif shows the other side of the coin that is Glinda and Elphaba’s relationship. It brought them both what they wanted. Together, they were unlimited, but alone… there’s this.

The limit actually corresponds to more than just physical freedom. They both wanted to be free, to be unshackled by their own capabilities. They wanted unlimited power, and Elphaba couldn’t achieve that, but she believes Glinda could. Although Glinda would disagree.

“I've heard it said That people come into our lives For a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led to those Who help us most to grow if we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you”

I had a whole thing planned to write about fate here, but I don’t think it’s the point. Because if you focus too much on what might be, you miss what actually is.

Wicked is a story about dreams and reality colliding, and the answer to which will come out on top, is “neither”. Elphaba chased her dreams to the end and found them unobtainable. Glinda, meanwhile, saw her friend achieve great things in real time.

Don’t stop chasing a better tomorrow. That isn’t what I’m saying here. But don’t think that the change will be sudden and one day you will reach that eutopia. Change is slow, and it happens as you go. Elphaba, for example, has been saving people, and inspiring people. Oz hasn’t been saved, but she’s made progress.

The first chorus, as is usual for a song in this musical, is understated, and building to something bigger. It's laying the groundwork for later events.

The fact that Glinda’s phrases are offset is a continuation of something that began in I’m Not That Girl (Reprise), her casualness.

When Galinda was introduced, she spoke with a practiced poise, that was evenly metred so that it was impossible to notice when a song started for her. She had, in a very real sense, always been singing and never actually spoken.

This is the opposite of that, Glinda’s words feel more real, because the timing creates a casual vibe that I take to be more genuine.

Wicked has been playing around with time signatures since the beginning, usually to represent indecision or an inconsistency reminiscent of how fae realms are represented in mythology and literature. It feels whimsical.

Here the awkward bar is used to emphasise Glinda’s words. “I have been changed.”

I have found myself recommending covers of these songs, so to continue that streak, Voiceplay's Wicked medley is phenomenal, and the For Good section is especially memorable.

Glinda doesn’t know or even care about fate or what was meant to be. She is astonishingly real and pragmatic, and she can see Elphaba’s success in a way that her friend can’t.

Elphaba has become the Wizard, in a sense. She has inspired people to take their lives into their own hands. She has promised people a better world, but instead of the Wizard’s false hope, Elphaba delivered, and showed people that if they try, they can improve the lives of generations to come.

Glinda can see that Elphaba changed at least one person and made them want better, and she can carry on that legacy.

In other words:

“You've already done so much So many lives you've changed So many souls you've touched And in the end, if it's only me you've saved There's something that I've been dying to say”

Hazbin Hotel is satirical musical that deals with seeking freedom. It’s most definitely not Wicked, it’s theming is different and when I do a series on it, I will talk about that at length. But it does have a song that links to For Good.

There’s a difference between having done enough, and being done. If you only save one person, you are a hero. If you make life better for one person, and inspire them to pay that favour forwards, you have made your mark. You have your legacy.

But Elphaba has done far more than just save one person. Again, if she has inspired Glinda, she must have inspired someone else as well. And when Glinda drives away the Wizard, and presumably does more to help the citizens of Oz who are oppressed, that’s because of Elphaba.

This song in Hazbin Hotel is also a love song. I wonder if that is relevant.

“I burn my decency for someone else’s future. I burn my life to make a sunrise that I’ll never see.”

Andor is a surprisingly well-made series. As in, the Star-Wars fandom has been starved for a while for stories that say anything. So, when Andor began exploring some complex philosophy, people missed that the show was also just genuinely good craft.

But it is the messaging that I want to talk about here, briefly. Andor discusses the cost of rebellion, and in one of the several incredible monologues of the series, Luthen Rael explains that, among other things, he is making a better world for future generations. One that he will probably never receive. Like Moses delivering people to a promised land that he, himself, would never reach.

Legacy is important to both Luthen and Elphaba. Their futures are marked by conflict, but they exist so that later generations will live without that.

I would also recommend this cover by Jacob Daniel Cummings and Peter Gibbons. They are both talented vocalists, but the simplicity of the music video and set design are really cool, and the fading from monochrome to colour is a nice touch.

This song precedes Elphaba’s “death”, and it centres around Glinda telling her and the audience that it was all worth it. That’s the catharsis, whatever happens next, Elphaba has succeeded.

“You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have rewritten mine By being my friend”

The romance of this musical has been implied. Evidence through subtext, rather than what is actually being shown. It got pretty strong, but an entirely aromantic reading of their relationship was possible, if you squinted.

However, I would argue that this isn’t subtext. I would suggest that “you’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart” is innately romantic in nature.

“Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes the sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood”

At this point, the song spits out a ton of metaphors, and I’m not going to go over each one. So as a whole, these stand in for that catharsis. This is Elphaba and Glinda finally letting out their emotions and stopping limiting themselves.

Defying Gravity reflected the first half of Wicked by displaying Elphaba’s freedom from external forces. But the second half featured the battle with herself and her own abilities and emotions. So, letting go of all of that and saying “I love you” in every way imaginable except the obvious certainly counts as releasing emotions.

This is the other part of the catharsis that I talked about. Half of the drama of this musical has been the development of the relationship; however you see that, between Glinda and Elphaba. That relationship fell apart, hence the tragic nature of this musical, but it did so quickly and without much closure.

So now, the two can look back on it and say, with definite confidence, that it was, in fact, a relationship.

Again, I will claim that this is romantic because friendship isn’t that powerful, usually. Friendship can change people, but romance can change a person’s story, and their life. A friendship doesn’t leave “a handprint on my heart”, for example.

I am actually having trouble articulating why this is romantic. It just is, look at it. You have to prove that it isn’t at this point.

The acting here sells the romance as well. The blinking back of tears, the faltering in each word. Emotions are running high through this song.

That is why I love this song. That is why this is my favourite song in all of musical theatre. That is why this song makes me cry.

This song is the resolution of a complex, and heavy story. It looks at the future to talk about legacy, but it also looks at the past to say “see what Elphaba has achieved”.

The song itself isn’t even the thing that makes me cry here. The emotional element of this is the story that got you here. Wicked is emotional, but it makes you hold all of that in, until For Good releases that.

Essentially, I like For Good because I like Wicked, and when I listen to the song, I listen to an entire story.

Final Thoughts

This was really difficult to analyse because the song isn’t complicated on its own right. Like I said, it’s the fact that it is the conclusion to Wicked that gives it the emotional gravitas.

But I do want to clarify something. This post should have gone out on Wednesday, but it will probably go live on Sunday instead, and there is a reason for this.

Partly, I am disorganised as hell. But partly, I have been struggling to explain why this song is queer or even romantic in nature. It is, and I will defend my opinion on that, but my excuse for it being that is… look at it, it’s so obviously romantic.

I think my answer is linked to my conclusion about this song as a whole. This is a romantic song because the entire musical has been about the romance between Elphaba and Glinda, so it carries over that weight. This song is queer because that relationship was queer. All this song does is amplify what you take into it, and that’s a weirdly empty description for something so powerful.

But I guess, in a way, that’s how stories operate as a whole. You only get out of them what you are willing to put in. If you engage with a character, and you pour your heart into that character, you will probably be rewarded tenfold. But that takes a mixture of good craft, the right story (because no story is for everyone), and a great deal of vulnerability on the part of you. Emotions can hurt, and to engage with a story, you have to be willing to let yourself feel that. But the risk is well worth the reward, at least with Wicked.

Next week, I will be giving my final thoughts on the musical as a whole, and trying to make a coherent point out of my own, incomprehensible ramblings.

So stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #what's so special about...?#wicked #wicked the musical #elphaba #glinda #wicked musical #gelphie #wicked is a queer story #hazbin hotel #star wars andor

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cyantomatos · 1 year

Text

Even Stars Will Fall - Ch 7

Pairing: Eventual Oberyn Martell x fem!Reader x Ellaria Sand Word Count: ~3k Warnings: Rylan is a creep(pt 2 electric boogaloo) Notes: Someday I will remember the foreshadowing I write into my own fics. And important plot details. Maybe.

Last Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

As it turns out, trying to commission a gift for someone when you have no money of your own and don’t know anything about the country – or really world – you’re living in is difficult, to say the least.

You woke the next morning full of confidence and pride in figuring out such a perfect gift. You knew less about Oberyn than you would like, but enough to know he would love this gift. Ellaria, too, since it was at least also partially a gift for her.

Your confidence deflated, somewhat, when halfway through breakfast you realized you had no idea how to get this gift.

First, you went to Doran. You needed money, and there was no way you were going to ask Oberyn for money to buy his own gift. The elder prince looked a little shocked when you entered his office, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk.

“I’m really sorry to bother you about this, I would just ask Oberyn really, but it felt wrong. Would I be able to borrow some money, maybe, to get a present made for his name day?” You twisted your hands together in your lap as you spoke, somewhat nervous.

Doran seemed to relax slightly as you spoke, and chuckled when you finished. “Of course, my dear. I can see why you would not want to ask my brother to pay for his own gift.” He leaned over, rummaging around for a moment in one of his desk drawers before re-emerging with a jingling bag that he deposited on the desk in front of you. “If I may, what have you decided to get him? I doubt you would be one to pile on another jewel-encrusted dagger or solid gold peacock statue.”

You grinned, shaking your head. “No, it’s not something fancy like that. I actually think he’ll like it, at least I hope he will anyway.” You briefly outlined the plan for Oberyn’s gift, your confidence growing as a grin spread across Doran’s face at your description.

Finally he nodded approvingly. “I think he will adore that gift.”

“How are your lessons with Amphise going?” Oberyn set his wine glass down as he spoke, a slight smile playing on his face at your pained expression. “That well?”

You shrugged, setting down your silverware with a sigh. “I’m not sure if it’s because I’m learning so late, or if I’m really just a bad student. I can’t seem to focus, and I think she’s getting frustrated with me.”

Ellaria shook her head. “I doubt you are a bad student, my dear. I suspect it has more to do with your unique circumstances than anything. You cannot expect to catch up with years of training in just a few weeks.” She reached across the table, settling her hand over yours with a small smile. “You are too much like Oberyn, criticizing yourself when you are not immediately perfect at something.”

“Well, it becomes hard to accept anything less than perfection when I am so often perfect.” Oberyn grinned at you as Ellaria rolled her eyes fondly.

Your eyes darted between them as they spoke, a warm feeling settling over you. Their conversations had begun to feel less and less like you were an outsider looking in and more like you belonged. Like this was where you were meant to be.

Oberyn turned towards you again. “What do you have planned for tomorrow? You do not have lessons, correct?”

You sat up straighter, forcibly pulling yourself out of your thoughts. “Oh, um, I think Maricel was going to come have me try on some more dresses. Ellaria seems to think I need enough dresses to outfit a whole army.” Oberyn chuckled, shooting a grin at his lover.

“While I do not doubt that, I think outfitting the Dornish army in silk dresses may not be the best idea.”

You shrugged, matching his grin with one of your own. “Well, might not be the most practical, but you can’t deny it would confused any enemy they face. Might be an advantage.”

Oberyn erupted with laughter, tipping his head back towards the sky as your own grin grew. The sound filled the private garden, and you couldn’t help but feel a little pride blooming in your chest at getting that reaction out of the prince. Even Ellaria chuckled, shaking her head at the two of you.

“Gods help me, I cannot handle the both of you.”

The next day, after what felt like an eternity of Maricel poking and prodding and holding various fabrics next to your face, you ventured out into the city. Equipped with a small purse of coins and a recommendation for who to visit, both courtesy of Doran, you headed out with the intention of ordering Oberyn’s name day gift.

Finding the small house proved easy enough, with a little direction from kind strangers. You described what you wanted to the short, older man than answered the door when you knocked, and when you mentioned it was a gift for the prince, he assured you it would be done with plenty of time to spare before the name day celebration and waved you off when you apologized for the short notice.

Finding your way back to the palace proved slightly more difficult.

You’d always felt you had a pretty good sense of direction, but you weren’t sure if it was the unfamiliar city or entirely different world you’d found yourself in, but after a while of wandering you realized you were hopelessly lost. You’d hoped you would be able to find your way back without asking for help again, but it was rapidly becoming clear that was not going to be easy.

Just as you were about to give up and ask someone, a tall shadow fell over you. “Ah, if it isn’t our own local mystery. Oberyn should keep better track of his treasures, you seem lost my dear.”

Fighting the wave of unease that spread over you at the familiar voice, you plastered a pleasant smile on your face and turned to face the prince’s cousin. “Lord Rylan. What a pleasant surprise.”

Rylan shot you a charming smile, inclining his head towards you. “I could say the same. Where are you headed? A beautiful woman such as yourself should not be wandering alone.”

Biting your tongue you lifted a hand helplessly. “Well, I was heading back from ordering a present for Oberyn’s name day, but I seem to have gotten lost trying to find my way back.”

For a split second it seemed like a shadow passed over Rylan’s face at the mention of a present for his cousin, but just as quickly it was gone, and the ever present charming smile was back in place. “You are in luck, my dear. I was just headed back to the palace myself, I could escort you. Sunspear can be quite confusing to those who are not used to finding their way.”

The lord held out his arm, and while you wanted nothing more than to assure him you could find your way back on your own, you reminded yourself it wouldn’t be a good idea to be rude to the prince’s cousin. No matter how much Oberyn seemed to dislike his own cousin.

And besides, you probably couldn’t find your way back on your own.

So you slipped your arm into his, mentally coaching yourself. You’d dealt with worse men before, and Rylan had yet to give you any reason to dislike him other than his vibes just feeling off. A short walk back to the palace wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Rylan beams down at you as you slip your arm into his, starting off down the street. “You really are not that far off from the palace, it will take us maybe a quarter of an hour to get there. It is unfortunate for you that the streets of Sunspear are so confusing. Those of us that have lived here most of our lives have no trouble navigating it, but it is often disorienting to outsiders.”

You give a polite little laugh, your eyes wandering to the colorful buildings as you walk past. “I was about to ask for directions when I found you, actually. I had to ask on my way there, and I was hoping I’d be able to remember the way back. Apparently not.”

“Ah, well, pride can get the best of us sometimes.” Rylan gives you another charming smile and guides you around a corner. There are a few market booths on this road, although it seems most of them are currently closed to avoid the mid-day heat beating down on the city streets. You glance at the open booths as you walk, glad Rylan doesn’t seem too interested in conversation at the moment.

One of the booths is painted a cheery orange color, although the vibrant paint is chipping off in spots. The roof is made of different fabrics stitched and tied together, with small gaps letting in thin shafts of light that dance over the counter. The young woman behind the counter is working a long, thin band of metal in her hands, wrapping it around a fiery red gem. Her dark hair is pulled back in a messy braid, curls escaping around the colorful scarf covering the top of her head. Her eyes flit up every few seconds to scan the scattered people out braving the heat. Scattered across the counter in front of her are a handful of pieces of jewelry, mostly necklaces, sparkling in the sun.

Rylan notices your preoccupation with the booth and slows his steps, glancing down at you. “Would you like to stop?” You hesitate, torn between your curiosity and your desire to get away from him as soon as possible. Your curiosity wins out though and you nod, turning towards the booth.

The woman’s eyes light up when she sees you moving towards her booth, and she immediately sits up straight and sets aside the necklace she is working on. She spreads her hands in a welcoming gesture, grinning widely at the two of you. “Welcome! I am surprised to see anyone out at this time of day.”

Rylan said something to the woman that you didn’t pay too close of attention too, instead scanning the colorful jewelry in front of you. Your eyes snag on a necklace with a small blue and white swirled gem wrapped in an almost black metal. It almost seems like an optical illusion as you stare at it, the colors catching in the sun and seeming to shift in the dancing light filtering through the cloth roof of the booth.

“I see something has caught your eye.” You glance up to see the woman watching you a bit closer than before, a slight smile curving her lips. Something about the way she watches you itches in the back of your brain, like you’ve felt it before, but you can’t quite place it.

“It’s beautiful, did you make all of these yourself?” The woman nods, pride seeping into her face.

“I made all of these. My mother taught me to make jewelry when I was little, just as her mother taught her, and her mother before that.” She holds up the piece she had been working on when you walked up. “The materials may change, but the women in my family have been making jewelry for generations.”

You can practically feel the boredom radiating off of Rylan, but when you glance up at him his face is arranged in a mask of polite intrigue. Your eyes slide back down to the blue necklace longingly, idly wondering if you have enough left over from what Doran had given you to buy it.

The woman’s hand comes into your view as she lifted the necklace, and when you look up she’s smiling at you. “Do you like it? I have had it for a while I am afraid, no one seems to gravitate towards this one. I think it may be the size of the stone, most opt for larger and flashier gems.”

She smiles slightly down at the necklace, and you’re struck by the way it reminds you of a mother looking proudly at her child. After a moment she looks back up, that shrewd expression back as she holds out the necklace. “I think it suits you. Perhaps it was meant to find you, and that is why no one else bought it.”

Instinctively you reach towards the small pouch tied at your waist, opening your mouth to ask how much she wanted. Before you can speak, however, the woman shakes her head.

“Take it. Sometimes things are meant to find people. Besides, you would be doing me a favor anyway, it has been taking up space in my booth for months now.” She motions you forward before you can protest, fastening the soft leather cord around your neck.

You stare down at the gem now resting against your chest, once again struck by the way the light plays in the colors. When you look back up the woman has a satisfied look on her face, and her eyes shift from the necklace up to meet yours.

“Are you sure? I don’t think I have enough to pay what it’s worth, but I feel bad just taking it.” She shakes her head, taking a step back.

“It is a gift. I hope it brings you happiness.”

“Well, it is rude to refuse a gift.” You almost jump as Rylan speaks, having totally forgotten he was even standing next to you. The woman doesn’t seem any more pleased either, her piercing eyes shifting to look at the lord. It’s subtle, the way a slight tinge of displeasure seeps into her eyes as she looks at him, and when she looks back at you it’s gone.

“He has a point, my dear.”

Thankfully, the walk back to the palace doesn’t take much longer. You spend most of it tuning out Rylan as he describes the play you’d turned down attending with him the day before, instead studying the necklace now looped around your neck. No matter the lighting the colors seem to shift and change, although every time your eyes move they stop, and you’re left wondering if you were just imagining it.

Rylan comes to a stop at the front gates, turning to you with a charming smile. “This is where I must leave you I am afraid, I have matters to attend to at my own house.” He holds out his hand, and you reluctantly place yours in his, suppressing a shiver of displeasure as he bows slightly and presses a kiss to the back of your hand.

“Until next time, my dear.” With another grin he turns and walks off, and you’re left wondering just how long would be long enough before you can stand to be alone with him again.

You come to the conclusion after a moment that there isn’t a period of time long enough.

Walking back inside you breathe a sigh of relief at the cool air that hits you as soon as you’re out of the sun. Sunspear truly was a beautiful place, and you got the feeling the rest of Dorne would be just as beautiful if you ever saw it, but the oppressive heat was genuinely draining sometimes. You could only count your blessings that it wasn’t overly humid.

You headed down the hall, navigating with a little more confidence gained over the last couple weeks. There were still times where you took a wrong turn and had to ask someone for directions, but overall you usually found where you were going.

The guards stationed outside Doran’s office nodded to you as you stopped outside the large doors, opening them without question for you. Most of the palace staff recognized you on sight by this point, and Oberyn had made it clear you were to be treated with respect as his guest.

It wasn’t really like you could do much to harm either of the princes, anyway. You’d likely just hurt yourself in the process.

Doran was seated behind his desk, head bent over a piece of parchment as he wrote. He looked up at the sound of the doors opening, smiling warmly at you. “Ah, back already I see. Did you find what you needed?”

You nodded, walking forward with a smile. “I did, thank you. And it didn’t cost as much as you thought, I wanted to return the leftover money.” You held the much lighter than this morning pouch out as you came to a stop in front of the desk.

The elder prince only smiled and shook his head, holding up his hand as he settled back into the chair. “No, my dear, you may keep it. You may not have any expenses with my brother providing for you, but I imagine it would be nice to have money of your own if you should need or want it.”

You let your hand drop to your side with a sigh and a slight smile. “What is it today with people giving me things?” You hook the pouch back to the belt around your waist. “Thank you again by the way, he said it should be ready by Oberyn’s name day.”

Doran’s smile widened at that. “I hope my brother appreciates it, it is a thoughtful gift.”

You returned his smile, ignoring the butterflies that took up residence in your stomach as you thought about giving Oberyn his gift. “I hope so too.”

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