#but basically we struggle a lot with emotions and feeling connected to things

[meta-squash]

Reading the Torchwood shooting scripts has been so interesting. I keep thinking about things that were cut and things that were added that aren't in the script.

In Greeks Bearing Gifts, the thought that Tosh overhears from Ianto -- "Can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt" -- that line isn't in the script. That whole little scene isn't in the script.

And it's so interesting because it's a line that seems like it's going to lead to something. Like it's going to introduce a friendship or some sort of character development, or something with Ianto. And then it doesn't. The Captain Jack Harkness episode is the next time we get extended (emotional) scenes with Ianto.

Oh, and a scene that was cut from slightly later in the episode was Tosh going to down into the cells and using the necklace on a Weevil, and it's just a primal wordless scream of pain and fury. Which I find interesting because its replacement is almost a similar sentiment, but coherent and in an understandable language.

I'm glad we got a tad more Ianto with the addition of that line, but I've always thought it was so odd that it never went anywhere. It might have been interesting for Tosh to overhear Ianto's thoughts again, because it might have either reassured her (if Ianto was thinking lighter thoughts and the one she overheard was a fluke) or found her a sort of friend (if thoughts she overheard were similarly relatable).

I think they sort of established a connection between Tosh and Ianto what with him saving her from the cannibals and all, but it might have been nice to further than relationship in a concrete way in the show. If one of the ways might have been Ianto and Tosh talking after Mary, it would have been nice, them supporting each other and also relating on the whole "Jack killed my girlfriend" front. But also it would make the entire conflict in CJH that much more interesting. Ianto's trying to stop Owen because he knows opening the Rift could destroy everything, but if they'd established Tosh and Ianto's friendship more solidly, it would have made it a lot more obvious how much of struggle taking that stance is for Ianto. It also makes the contrast between Owen and Ianto more interesting too. Owen's loyalty to Jack as a leader/father figure vs Ianto's loyalty to Jack as a lover/leader, and then Owen's obsession with Diane vs Ianto's consideration (or not) for Tosh.

But back to the overheard thought. It's such a negative, depressed thing and I think it's at least mildly deliberate on the writers' part that neither Tosh nor the viewer knows whether he's referring to his injuries from the cannibals or to the loss of Lisa or to the Canary Wharf trauma or to all of it. And then we don't get that side of Ianto at all until CJH or the very brief bits in End of Days.

I know Torchwood is basically just Clinically Depressed And Horrifically Traumatized Bisexuals: The Show, but I think it's kind of a shame they didn't do something further with this little bit of characterization.

But! I also think that's why Ianto is fan favorite. Which is a thought for an entirely separate post.

#torchwood meta #torchwood #ianto jones

[abc04]

regressors and caregivers who are low empathy, experience emotional numbness, loveless, aspec, or struggle with their feelings towards the world around them:

it's perfectly ok to not have the same feelings others have. to not feel things like love or warmth towards people. it can be scary to navigate the agere community when these feelings are very prioritized parts of other's experiences, but they are in no way necessary to have a fulfilling experience with age regression!

you can be loveless, you can be aspec, you can be low empathy, you can be detached from the world around you. none of these things negate your experiences with regression or belonging in whatever communities you are a part of. you don't have to be in any sort of relationship related to your headspace, you don't have to feel emotionally attached to your plushies, you don't have to feel love. you belong.

#not sure if this makes a bunch of sense to anyone else #we spent a while trying to word this correctly #but basically we struggle a lot with emotions and feeling connected to things #and it seems like in the agere community those feelings are generally really important #so we just wanted to say that you dont have to feel those things #or pretend to #its ok to be aspec its ok to be loveless its ok to be low empathy #if you want to be here you belong here #confluence.txt #our posts

[direquail]

You know the point of "protecting the children" dogwhistles, right? It's a reference to the idea that all queer people are child abusers. Super common belief among homophobes and transphobes, including (sometimes especially) gay ones.

It's also not just "a dogwhistle". When pressed to explain what exactly they want to protect children from, it's a ready-made emotional appeal to something that has broad social support. Most people, even if they don't like being around kids, are also not pro-child abuse. That's why conservatives go out of their way to invent (even if it's completely fictional) "reasons" why acceptance of gay and trans people amounts to child abuse. It helps them create an emotional connection with their target audience, and can be leveraged into logically ridiculous arguments like "well, if you don't agree with my platform, you must be pro child abuse, because I'm on the side of The Children".

"Protecting the children" is also super appealing to parents in particular, not because all parents are secretly authoritarians, but because it's super common to have a child and realize "Oh shit, I brought this person who can't defend themselves into the world and the world kind of sucks", and to feel horribly, horribly inadequate in the face of that.

I get very tired of people who mock, scorn, and ridicule people for falling for these rhetorical traps, or being snared by something that seems common-sense but disguises something ugly underneath. They are traps. That is what they're meant to be. That is why there are gay people who fall for anti-queer rhetoric, and get pulled into exclusionist or violently reactionary circles. We all have things we are vulnerable to, whether that is a history of being abused or a deep fear that we cannot protect our own children, who we brought into the world and are responsible for the protection of. And we gain nothing by mocking the latter.

I'm sure it makes some people feel great to say "well if you were really who you claim to be, you wouldn't fall for this shit", but frankly, that's a stupid-ass take. It misses entirely that these messages are carefully crafted by the people who hate us! They workshop these statements! They spend months or years trying to find the right message and when they find it they use the hell out of it, because it works. Because they are listening to the public conversations people are having online, and it doesn't take any level of basic agreement to be capable of regurgitating the party line word-for-word.

I am so sick of people who look at a deeply-embedded struggle over social and political ideals and think that this fight won't demand our whole brains and hearts and souls and yeah, we might fuck up because we care deeply and sometimes, people with bad intentions prey on that. On our grief and our fear and our rage.

And I'm frankly a lot more nervous around people who refuse to be aware of that, especially when they loudly mock the people who are willing to acknowledge their own fallibility and explore how they got ensnared in something. People are not moral machines, they are people.

#that post was pure moral purity police and it was so aggravating #the WHOLE point of that post was to shame every single person who saw it for being fallible and the net effect will not be to make us bette #it will be to make us less willing to interrogate ourselves and whether we're on the right track

[reasonsforhope]

Self-Care in Times of Atrocities

This is something I've been struggling with myself, and it's also something I have a general chip on my shoulder about (in terms of the corporatization of self-care, ugh), so here have a post

It can feel impossible or even cruel, to "practice self-care" in the face of the world right now - and in particular, in the face of the ongoing genocide in Gaza.

So, I think it's really important to say that self-care does not mean that you are always emotionally balanced at all, that you are never overcome with rage and grief at the horror of ongoing atrocities.

To never be overcome by rage or horror or grief or any other negative emotions would be to shut ourselves off from a huge part of the human experience, in a situation where our connection to our common humanity is, I would argue, more important than ever.

Some days you will feel completely laid low by that rage and horror and grief. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for days or more.

That's not only normal, it is a completely rational response to what Israel is inflicting on Palestinians right now. I think it's a completely rational response to any genocide.

In some ways it's also a healthy response. Bottling up or choking off your emotions isn't good for you. Refusing to ever sit with pain isn't good for you. Refusing yourself grief and mourning and catharsis isn't good for you. We know all of this.

Self-care, in times of atrocity, doesn't mean always keeping yourself on some kind of even keel. In a lot of ways I think it means letting yourself cry, letting yourself channel all of your storming emotions into a force that can help, rather than just eat you up inside.

And self-care isn't the kind of corporate, hypercapitalist "buy yourself out of your feelings" bs that we're quite literally sold, either.

Self-care is, very often, not about indulging or pampering yourself (not that there's anything wrong with indulging or pampering yourself).

A lot of the time it just means...taking care of your physical form, as best you can, even when you least want to, so you don't pile more on top of everything else.

A lot of the times it means making yourself eat something, even just some crackers, even though you feel sick from horror.

Or groaning and forcing yourself to drink a glass of water, because you can, you have access to drinkable water, and you can honor that for the privilege it is by avoiding a terrible dehydration headache.

Or making yourself take a shower, even though it's the last thing you feel like doing, because you have an important meeting tomorrow.

Or locking your phone in a drawer for a while, because staying up all night doomscrolling won't do anything but drain you further.

And if you're ever feeling too guilty to do any of that, remember: you cannot pour from an empty vessel. Meeting your own basic needs as best you can is one really, really important way to make sure you have the energy to help.

#me #not news #self-care #free palestine #palestine #israel #genocide #cw genocide #cw war #now I need to take my own damn advice and eat something #bodies are so rude #we need to be ready to be in this for the long haul #I PRAY that we won't have to be #but this has been going on for months and it could keep going on months longer with horrifying ease #take care of your flesh vessel so you don't burn out before this is over #because there are a lot of things that can help people in Palestine #but doomscrolling and not eating and the like aren't among them #grief

[starsworldd]

𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣 𝙤𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙥𝙩. 4

take with a grain of salt and only take what resonates

✰ a year in which you have uranus in the 𝟪th house could indicate a life-changing + unforgettable year

✰ lilith in the 𝟣𝟤th house shows obsession with fantasies/spirituality and things that lead you off track. also lack of sleep!

✰ 𝟣𝟤th house ruler in the 𝟪th could indicate lack of sleep or trouble sleeping for that year

✰ having solar return part of fortune conjunct the natal ascendant could mean having something really lucky/fortunate happening to you especially money wise (does not always have to correlate to money though, also general happiness)

✰ wherever your solar return mc falls in your natal chart shows what your responsibilities may consist of:

solar return mc in natal 7th = working with somebody else in order to accomplish your goals/responsibilities for that year

solar return mc in natal 2nd = goals/responsibilities may have to do with reorganizing your personal values/possessions/money/self-worth etc…

solar return mc in natal 5th = you may be able to display your creativity on a more public level this year

✰ asteroid fama (𝟦𝟢𝟪) in the 𝟣𝟣th is a fame indicator

✰ solar return vertex in the 𝟪th/scorpio (sometimes 𝟫th as well) can also show a life-changing year

✰ asteroid mony (𝟩𝟩𝟪𝟤) in solar return (sr) 𝟣st house shows that you may be more ambitious and may do side hustles to get more $$

✰ but in my opinion asteroid mony doesn’t only speak to the actual money it can also show where we are finding future opportunities to make $$ for that year as well

✰ lilith opposite mc in sr can show some mental health struggles for that year

✰ check to see where sr vertex falls in your natal:

12th = themes of isolation/mental health/creativity/spirituality are more present

2nd = managing finances/self-worth/skills and basically getting yourself together

7th = enemies/friends/one-on-one situations/business impact that year ahead

✰ sr lilith conjunct neptune can also show mental health struggles but emphasis on fears and anxiety

✰ sr moon in the 𝟫th indicates chnages in your philosophy

✰ a year in which you have your sr rising in your natal 𝟤nd house could mean that you are preparing for something long term for that year

✰ years in which you have sr rising in angular houses are action-oriented, it’s almost more in-your-face and this-is-it type of energy if that makes sense

✰ ive noticed that people usually have neptune in the 𝟨th house when they’ve dropped or taken a break from school?

✰ asteroid academia (𝟪𝟤𝟫) in the 𝟦th is indicative of an emotional year (especially in scorpio), you are exploring your feelings more deeply and learning how to nurture yourself better

✰ mc/𝟣𝟢th house ruler in 𝟥rd can mean a lot of activity on social media

✰ sr vertex conjunct natal mercury or visa versa can indicate making connections that change your life trajectory

✰ sr vertex at the 𝟤𝟤nd degree could mean a very busy but also kind of mentally exhausting year

friendly reminder that i have solar return (and other readings) available as of right now :)

hope you enjoyed!

#astro community #astrology observations #solar return chart #solar return observations #solar return #whole signs #astro tumblr #astrology tumblr #astro observations #astro content #astrology content #astro notes #astrology notes #astrology #aquarius #pisces #neptune #taurus #pluto #midheaven #saturn #pluto aspects #aries #taurus placements #gemini #astrology transits #astro predictions #astrology community #cancer #leo placements

[mewguca]

I was thinking about how people should talk more about the parallels between hunter and moon

This is a rather self-indulgent piece...I find it very comforting to be able to express my emotions through a media I love like this...that's probably my favorite thing about art. Being able to express something...being able to connect emotionally with the viewer...is really nice

textless versions and a long rambling under the cut

Hunter is often viewed as a very strong and agile slugcat...they are the "hard mode" after all. Hunter probably has a lot of physical prowess. But, with the rot...they become weaker. At its worst, they struggle to do basic movements...until they eventually die. Of course, in my version of events...Hunter's rot is cured, but it still leaves lasting side-effects. Their scars go beyond simple battle wounds...there's a sort of pervasive sickliness throughout their whole body. Treatment helps, of course...but

You know how that is, right...? You have to keep getting treatments. You have to work for your recovery. And you have to work to prevent your body from getting weaker again...Or y'know, that's how it is if you've ever had any reoccurring or chronic health issues. It's...a struggle I feel like doesn't get expressed very often...so I wanted to express it through my version of Hunter.

Even though Moon isn't anywhere near as organic, I feel like she can relate to similar struggles. She used to be like a god...a powerful supercomputer who could do just about anything! But...she couldn't bring herself to do the one thing that'd preserve her own wellbeing. She delays and delays on forcing Pebbles to stop with her administrative powers until it is far too late...

Maybe she thought she could handle it. That everything would be fine if she just waited for Pebbles to understand...or waited for him to stop. If she just kept sending messages, eventually he would listen.

But he didn't. Things didn't get better. And by the time she finally took action against it, it was too late...her forced communications did nothing but make her brother furious with her...because she "ruined everything." She could only accept her imminent collapse...

When she woke up again, she had only a few neurons left to run on. Her umbilical was broken, her overseers were out of her control, and even the roof over her head was incomplete.

She couldn't do most of the things she used to. She could hardly move. She could hardly even think. She could barely remember who or what she used to be...and she didn't have great ability to remember the present, either.

It must have been really painful...but she keeps doing what she can anyways. She reads the pearls you bring her. She tells you about the items you bring. She gives you information as best as she can. She is kind and hospitable. She encourages you. She could be so bitter and depressed...so resentful and cruel...but she isn't. I'm sure she has plenty of bitterness and resentment, plenty of hopelessness and great sadness, plenty of suffering...

But when she sees the little slugcat, she's still kind to it. She is grateful for what she has. She is happy to see you. And she keeps on living.

She's so strong...she is a huge inspiration for me.

So, I think if anyone could relate to Hunter's struggle...Moon is probably the closest. I think people should talk about their relationship more...after all, Hunter is her "little savior." I think they would be wonderfully close. They could support each other in their struggles to keep living, even if their bodies fight against them. I also think their friendship is just cute! Great potential for angst, for fluff, for comfort...idk. everything, really. It would be wonderful for them to reunite when they're both in better shape...as creatives, we can make a versions of events where that happens. It's really wonderful to me...for a work of art to inspire others to create art because of it.

This game means a lot to me...and it means a lot to me that it resonates so much with other people as well. So, thank you...

#rain world #egg art #eggmoon creations #looks to the moon #rw hunter #angst #comfort #rambled eggs #eggmoon's rain world

[voltronisanobsession]

Late night thought ( listened to video games ldr)

Being star crossed lovers with Percy. Being soulmates throughout many lifetimes, fate will never let the two of you be together.

In every lifetime, one of you will bare the burden of knowing everything, from being destined soulmates, to all your past lives, to the terrible fate your relationship always succumbs to end. Reader happens to be the one carrying the weight in the current pjo universe timeline.

Knowing basically everything about him, you try so hard to not fall for Percy. Your heart breaks when you first meet him, Percy already stumbling over his words at the mere sight of you. The connection is strong between the two of you, but you want nothing more than to runaway.

You already know how this story will end. But you can’t help falling for him all over again, getting to know this new version of him, seeing the similarities from his past lives shining in him. Admiring his new traits that make your heart beat fast.

Spending more time with him, he falls for you just the same. He feels a pull to you, his body igniting with life whenever he was around you. Your wide smile, caring hands on his face, and sweet voice instantly offering him comfort.

He’s so comfortable being himself around you that it almost surprises him. You read him like an open book.

Everything is just easier with you. He feels like he’s known you his entire life.

I think the hardest part for you is whether to tell him or not. Keep him in the dark of your guys’ destiny, or ruin what beautiful relationship has blossomed in the time you’ve known each other.

Chiron might know what you two are, simply because he may have met you guys hundreds of years ago, in a different lifetime. He feels pity for you as you struggle to distance yourself from Percy.

Believing that leaving him will break what fate has in store for you, Percy can’t let go. You’re like his other half. You’ve been there for him through thick and thin and now you just want to leave?

He won’t let you go until you give him a good reason. He can’t let you go. Percy is in too deep to watch you walk away from what you guys have. What you won’t let happen.

And it’s at this where you let everything out. Pain and tears are released, watching with despair as Percy struggles to accept what you say.

“We can’t be together Percy! Everything, everything will always ruin us. It’s been written in the stars for thousands of years, we will always fail. Just for loving each other.”

Of course to make this more dramatic, Percy will definitely get a vision of some sort showing him your fates as star crossed lovers.

“That’s not- it can’t be true. That’s not FAIR! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how Percy. I didn’t know how.”

A lot of tears are shed that night. But just as much comfort is present. There’s no way to reverse your meeting, your fates are now permanently entwined. The only thing guys can do is hope to overcome your terrible fate.

Nights are filled with sweet whisperings. You guys would lay in silence, admiring each other as the stars shone bright in the dark sky. Each others soul in tune with the others emotions, walls are crumbled between the two of you.

Moments like these make up for all the pain and suffering that you both have went through. Gentle kisses on your face, Percy promises you’ll make it through anything, together. You caress his face, wearing a bittersweet smile.

But alas, nothing can change the fate of star crossed lovers. Stumbling across a monster during a quest, this is where the end begins.

Unlike anything he’s every seen, Percy can’t fight off the monster. No matter how many times he gets up, each time weaker than the last, the monster won’t die. It isn’t until it speaks that everything makes sense.

“A sacrifice must be made.”

A sick feeling is instantaneous between the two of you. Eyes wide in fear, you look to Percy. Despite the beating he took, he’s never looked as beautiful as he did now. You vowed to remember this moment of the boy in your next life.

Percy wanted to fight, he didn’t want to give up. He was angry, scared. He believed he could change your fates.

“Percy.”

“We have to try y/n! I can’t do this without you, please. I need you.”

“I love you. I loved you in the past, I love you right now, and I will always fall in love with you in the future. We’ll see each other again.”

He can’t stop you as you make your way to the monster. Fate works against him, keeping his body frozen and in place as he cries for you. Cries for your pasts. Cries for the emptiness he’ll have to endure once your gone.

It’s quick and swift, your death. You welcome it with bitterness, Percy’s crying breaking your resolve, but you have to continue. You’ll see your lover again.

Percy mourns everyday for you. He misses the soft whisperings you spoke that filled the dead of night in his cabin.

He mourns the life you both could’ve had if fate had not been so cruel to tear you apart every time. He’s forced to live a life without his other half once again.

He’ll miss the way you held his face, miss the way you made him laugh, miss the way you made him feel. He spends everyday living and remembering the memories of you.

Once the time comes, Percy welcomes death with open arms, reunited with you for a short moment until you’re both sent onto your new lives, starting the cycle all over again.

#pjo x reader #percy jackson x reader #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians x reader #Percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo concept #pjo x you #x reader #percy jackson pjo

[gffa]

THIS IS EVERY INSTANCE WHERE THE JEDI TALK ABOUT ATTACHMENT IN THE MOVIES AND TV SERIES, which paint a very clear, consistent picture of just what attachment meants within the Jedi Order and Star Wars itself. It’s about how attachment isn’t the same thing as love or connection or feelings, but specifically about the inability to let go of someone when its time, that the fear of their loss is so great you would give up a thousand lives to save just the one because you cannot live without them, because you are afraid. George Lucas has been very consistently, explicitly clear about this as well, that attachment is always tied possession, fear, greed, the desire to control people, the dark side, and the inability to accept that life is transitory, that you can’t hold on to people, you can’t keep them, you can’t possess them.  Attachment is fear, greed, the willingness to make a deal with the devil to save one person, no matter how many other lives it costs.  But, setting aside word of god commentary, the above is still the way the term is used within the text itself. That doesn’t mean it’s not difficult!  Feelings are complicated, messy things and it’s not that any personal desire is attachment, it’s not that moments of fear are the same as attachment, it’s the willingness to act on those feelings in ways that get a lot of people hurt, it’s about using the Force for selfish desires, because the Force is your emotions, if you do something for a selfish reason, if you do something based on fear, that is a step towards the dark side. Context for each of the scenes: Star Wars: Attack of the Clones:      “Attachment is forbidden.  Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life.”      Anakin is explaining basic Jedi worldbuilding to Padme and the audience, he directly ties attachment to possession (as Lucas says, this is about wanting to possess a person: “[Jedi Knights] do not grow attachments, because attachment is a path to the dark side. You can love people, but you can’t want to possess them.“), instead explaining to her that compassion is central to their lives. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Downfall of a Droid”:     “I could take a squad out there, track him down.” "Anakin, it's only a droid. You know attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi."      The context of this scene is that Anakin is willing to not only put his own life on the line, but that he would put the clones’ lives and Ahsoka’s life on the line, in the middle of a war where they’re facing a weapon that is killing them in droves, to go find his droid.  This is the only time that Obi-Wan objects to Anakin’s affection for the droid throughout the entire series, when it’s about risking others’ lives to save Anakin’s favorite droid.  Any other time Anakin favors Artoo, Obi-Wan just reacts with fond annoyance. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Jedi Crash”:      "I can still sense your worry for Anakin, your attachment to him." "It's just... I get so confused sometimes. It's forbidden for Jedi to form attachments, yet we are supposed to be compassionate." "It is nothing to be ashamed of, Ahsoka. I went through the same process when I was your age with my own master."      "You were right all along, Master Secura." "About what?" "If I had stayed with Anakin, we probably wouldn't have found this village in time to save him."      The context here is that Ahsoka’s desire to stay with Anakin would have potentially cost all of them their lives, because she couldn’t do anything more for him other than worry over him, but they needed to find help because he was going to die without it.  Ahsoka’s desire to be compassionate to her master is conflicting with her duty to help in a way that takes her away from him, and this is something young Jedi have to find the balance of, and that’s what the show is explaining to the audience.      It’s not always an easy path to find, sometimes Jedi are going to struggle with it, but Aayla was right and Ahsoka understands that at the end, along with the audience, that staying with him out of Ahsoka’s personal desire to do so against her duty to go get help, would have cost Anakin his life. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Brain Invaders”:     “Ahsoka, it's your duty to save as many lives as you can. Barriss knew you could save thousands if the worms were destroyed. Which she thought meant destroying her, too. But you did the right thing. You knew the freezing cold would kill the worms. Letting go of our attachments is a difficult struggle for all of us.“      Barriss posed a very explicit danger to anyone she would come across, just as the clones had infected other clones and then Barriss herself, she would go on to do the same.  While Ahsoka found a way around it this time, the conflict here is that Ahsoka was weighing her personal desire to not have her friend die versus the thousands of people her friend might go on to hurt.  Attachment isn’t just that Ahsoka cared about Barriss, but that conflict of saving her life at the cost of others’ lives, because Ahsoka herself wanted it, because she was afraid to live without her friend.      The opening title card quote for this episode is, “Attachment is not compassion.” Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Voyage of Temptation”:     "My duty as a Jedi demanded I be elsewhere." "Demanded? But it's obvious you had feelings for her.  Surely that would affect your decision." "It did.  I live by the Jedi Code." "Of course.  As Master Yoda says: 'A Jedi must not form attachments.'"      Letting go of attachments isn’t easy, there’s sadness and remorse in it often times!  But the scene here is once again that Obi-Wan is telling Anakin that his duty asked him to be elsewhere and that’s when the conflict between his desire to stay for his own reasons and his duty as a Jedi made it an issue.  Up to that point, we’re given no indication that it was any kind of issue (and in a later episode we’re told romantic feelings are natural according to the Jedi, they’re not forbidden), we see Jedi caring deeply about their friends and Masters and Padawans, it’s only when they’re willing to abandon their duty to save lives, the lives that are depending on them, that it becomes an issue.      Had Obi-Wan been willing to let those people’s lives be in danger because he personally was unwilling to give up being with Satine, then that is what the problem would have been. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "The Rise of Clovis”:    "You’ve met Satine. You know I once harbored feelings for her. It’s not that we’re not allowed to have these feelings.  It’s natural."     In this scene, it’s just after Anakin has beaten the crap out of Rush Clovis because he saw him kissing Padme and lost control, that it wasn’t about defending Padme, it was about his jealousy, even after the dust settles, he still believes she has feelings for Clovis.  Anakin’s inability to trust her and his possessive jealousy are at a boiling point, he is unable to see her clearly, he is sliding into fearful, angry possession of her, which is when Obi-Wan comes to talk to him.      In contrast, in “A Distant Echo”, Obi-Wan makes it clear he knows about Anakin and Padme, (”I hope you at least told Padme I said hello.”) but there’s no conversation about getting himself under control because Anakin is no longer at a boiling point with his feelings.      The Jedi don’t forbid feelings, not even romantic feelings, while they do forbid attachment.  They cannot be the same thing.  (Though, they do say you can’t be in a committed relationship and be a Jedi, but that’s not the same thing.) Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "Front Runners”:     “Ahsoka, remember what I told you about staying focused.” “I can't help it, Master.” “I understand.” “You do?” “I do. But try to remember, always put purpose ahead of your feelings.“      This instance doesn’t directly mention the word attachment, but it’s same the context--Anakin’s advice is in line with everything else we see in the series, that it’s not that Ahsoka’s feelings are an issue, but that she can’t let them cloud her judgement, because the people of Onderon’s lives are on the line here.      It’s the same as how Obi-Wan’s feelings for Satine weren’t an issue until there was a conflict with his duty, just as Anakin’s feelings for Padme in Attack of the Clones weren’t an issue, Obi-Wan saw them quite clearly, until they were in conflict with Anakin’s duty. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - "The Jedi Who Knew Too Much”:     “Every time I think about this, I feel conflicted. It's hard not to let feelings turn into attachment and pain.“      In this scene is that, with so many Jedi dying and the war being so hard on them, there’s a lot of fear and anger that they have to let go of, that Ahsoka and Barriss are coming back from a funeral for several Jedi and it’s a painful moment.  Ahsoka compares it to the Brain Invaders storyline, “Like, when we were stuck inside the battle tank on Geonosis, it was hard not to be afraid. Still, you and I got past it. And I guess we'll get past this.”      The concept of attachment is again directly tied to fear and pain and suffering, that the solution (the one Anakin teaches her, that Ahsoka says he would say, “Our struggle as Jedi is to move past [these feelings of anger and fear].“) is to let go of them, to move past them--which is something Lucas has said multiple times is the theme of his movies.      "[The Jedi] trained more than anything else to understand the transitional nature of life, that things are constantly changing and you can’t hold on to anything. You can love things but you can’t be attached to them, You must be willing to let the flow of life and the flow of the Force move through your life, move through you. So that you can be compassionate and loving and caring, but not be possessive and grabbing and holding on to things and trying to keep things the way they are. Letting go is the central theme of the film.“ --George Lucas, Star Wars Archives 1999-2005       “The key to the dark side is fear. You must be clean of fear, and fear of loss is the greatest fear. If you’re set up for fear of loss, you will do anything to keep that loss from happening, and you’re going to end up in the dark side. That’s the basic premise of Star Wars and the Jedi, and how it works.“ --George Lucas, Star Wars Archives 1999-2005 Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith:      “Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed, that is.“     This is a scene where Anakin has become so afraid of losing Padme that he’s starting to go off the deep end about it, he’s butting up against his willingness to make a deal with the devil to save her from something he doesn’t even know for sure is going to happen.  The story of Revenge of the Sith is that Anakin is so afraid to lose her that he will murder not just the adult Jedi and help Sidious create an Empire, but he will murder literal toddlers to save the person he wants to save.  It is the very definition of attachment, of greed and fear. The above are every time that “attachment” is mentioned by a Jedi in the movies and the TV series, this is the entire context for what it means to the Jedi and to Star Wars.  Does the term have other meanings in popular lexicon?  Sure, but this one is closer to the Buddhist meaning and the way the characters speak of it, the context of their scenes and when they talk about it, the events that surround it, are all consistent with that attachment means a specific thing, that it’s synonymous with the fear of losing someone, so intense that you’re willing to sacrifice a thousand lives just to hold onto the one person. Attachment isn’t just harmful for the person who can’t let go, it’s something that costs thousands of people their lives.  And the Jedi only bring it up in that context, when it’s about the conflict of their personal desires against people who are depending on them, we see that otherwise personal desires and relationships aren’t commented on.  It’s only when a Jedi is willing to let people get hurt for their own desires that the Jedi talk about attachment.

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #yoda #ahsoka tano #aayla secura #jedi order #george lucas #attachment #meta #long post

[alpaca-clouds]

Let me use Astarion as an excuse to talk about CPTSD

You know what? I think this might be a good moment to talk about CPTSD and how Astarion really is a textbook example of someone with CPTSD (though it is very likely that basically our entire main cast of characters in BG3 is suffering from it to some degree, they just are less textbook in their presentation).

Let me start with a simple question: What is CPTSD?

CPTSD is the shortened version of Complex PTSD, or rather Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, to dumb it down: It is like CPTSD, but it sucks a lot more.

While normally PTSD is caused by one traumatic event (like having a car accident, seeing a loved one die, being subjected to random violence at some point), while CPTSD is caused by a traumatic situation that goes on for a while or repeats several times. In the western world, we see a lot of CPTSD in survivors of parental abuse or intimate partner abuse. Aka, traumatic situations that went on for a longer while. You will also find CPTSD in some people from marginalized groups, as the traumatic situation of discrimination is constantly repeating. And of course you will find it in survivors of war or similar ongoing events.

PTSD will often lead to having triggers related to the trauma, showing avoidance behavior towards possibly triggering situations. It might also lead to flashbacks, nightmares, and a raised awareness/carefulness, often especially regarding relations with other people (though this might depend on the traumatic event it stems from).

CPTSD will have all of that, but often in more complex ways (as a longer experience will allow for complex triggers to develop - and a lot more situa´tions to become triggers as well), but it will also lead to a difficulty to regulate emotions, a general mistrust towards other people, inability to have healthy relationships, prolonged moments of dissociations, a generally negative perception of the world and events, feelings of worthlessness and internalized shame.

It should also be noted that in many cases the symptoms of CPTSD only start showing, once the traumatized person is removed from the traumatizing situation.

Neurally the reason for CPTSD is basically, that the nervous system is put into a prolonged survival mode. Which is also why the symptoms often trigger after the survivor is removed trauma inducing situation.

And, oh look, it is Astarion lol

Looking at the character from this perspetive, you really see pretty much all the symptoms in him.

Does he struggle with regulating his emotions? Fuck yeah, he does. He tries to regulate them, but he very often fails at it.

Does he get triggered by some situations? Yeah, it does. (You get that especially when you play his origin.)

He is super mistrustful towards other people - which is also why he does not intermingle with other people that much.

His view of most things as negative is also fairly clear - I also would argue that his "let's kill some puppies and kittens" behavior is also very closely connected to this.

And that he struggles with feelings of worthlessness and shame is again something that is found in the text.

He really is a very textbook example of CPTSD, which also brings me back to what I already talked about this week: Both CPTSD and PTSD will permanently change the nervous system. Which as far as we know will never quite go away. (Like, not to be a nerd, but there has been some recent research, that has shown that certain medication might permanently eleviate some symptoms - but not heal it totally.) It is basically scars from a nervous injury, if you wanna think of it like that.

You can however learn to live with the symptoms and learn techniques to regulate them. If you have read any of my Tavstarion stories (like this one), I bring some of those techniques into that. Stuff like breathing techniques or techniques to get your brain out of a flashback spiral (like consciously perceiving your surroundings). But to learn to deal with it, you also need to confront the trauma, which is probably the hardest thing to get Astarion to do, because he seems to be very avoidant. Like, his entire "I need to ascend" thingie is all avoidant behavior. Basically, he wants all that power that comes with ascending to prevent him from ever ending up in a situation that would be in any way similar to his trauma again.

But even if he does not ascend, there is a good chance he will still show a lot of avoidant behavior in the future.

When I write him, there is a reason that I do not have him leave home for a good seven months outside of what he has to do (like feeding). Which is very typical avoidant behavior.

The thing is that often trauma and especially CPTSD is not always the very big reactions - though those might be there too - but a lot of those more muted things. Avoiding going outside. Avoiding new situations. Being just a bit anxious. Feeling that nice things are done with bad intentions. Things like that.

Just, you know... A heads up.

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #tav x astarion #astarion x tav #tavstarion #cptsd #cptsd recovery #ptsd #mental health

[aro-comics]

Growth (Part 1)

Growth, 1/3 – And … oh my gosh. I can’t believe it took THIS LONG to finish this comic ;A; I feel like I say this every time, but y’all – I STARTED PANELLING THIS ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR AGO. Really. It’s been sitting on my plate for too long, and I’m so glad I can finally share it!

Where do I even begin with my thoughts? For starters, I wanted to say the examples chosen in slide 8 are mainly from larger pieces of media, because they have greater influence on our *general social consciousness*. I don’t necessarily recommend or approve of the source material! I also have more thoughts on these characters, and about amatonormativity in relation to character growth in general, but for the sake of keeping this caption short(er) I will do so on my stories and pin them to my profile for future reference 😂

AUTHOR'S NOTE: For the sake of accessibility (and my own health) I will be making a transcript of the stories in its simplest form, posted here.

If you have any examples you can think of too, please let me know either in the comments or via DM 🐸🐸

I wish I was joking about the events which inspired this comic, but this LITERALLY happened to me, and this wasn’t the only time I experienced some form of amatonormativity or direct arophobia growing up. You may not think things like this are a problem, but this idea of romantic relationships as a crucial part of emotional growth has real world implications. Aros get told that their orientation IS the root of all their problems, or IS THE PROBLEM ITSELF, a lot. And not only is this wrong (and queerphobic), it also causes people to overlook the real issues that we may be struggling with. This can prevent us from getting help we NEED, not to mention the fact that orientation isn’t something that needs to be fixed.

In my personal experience … I don’t want to get into the specifics of the situation described here (Because it genuinely was one of the worst times of my life, and I don’t like thinking about it) – but basically, the help I needed was definitely NOT to get a romantic partner. A lot of my behaviours were very clearly ones that indicated I should have been hospitalized, or at least sent to a highly trained medical professional for intervention. But I never received any care, even though my parents were to some degree aware of what the issue was … and it somewhat appalls me that this family friend would take one look at me and somehow decide the issue was anything less than a serious, medical situation.

I want to emphasize I know none of them did it on purpose, and to be fair, it wasn’t entirely clear what the specific issue was (to the family friend at least). But it does hurt to have so clearly shown signs of crisis, to have done a near 180 in personality and behaviour, and to have it brushed off or implied that this is caused by something fundamental to your orientation. It makes me feel so inherently wrong, and if I’m going to be even more brutally honest I think the amatonormative way I was raised is a big part of the reason why I still struggle with my self esteem as an aro today. Even now, I still get told that maybe my remaining problems and personal struggles will go away if I was willing to give dating a try.

It just makes me so tired.

But, the more I reflect on my orientation and am able to connect with aros and the community as a whole, it has been helping. I don’t think it will go away any time soon, but at least when the feeling (that my orientation is something that’s fundamentally wrong with me) comes up I can tell myself that it just isn’t true. That I know that being aro isn’t a curse, isn’t a flaw, isn’t something that should haunt me for the rest of my life, that it’s something natural and beautiful and that I adore about my community. And I should extend that same care to myself, too. It has been getting easier.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic. Do you feel that others perception of your maturity and growth as a human being is influenced by amatonormativity?

Image Descriptions

Title Card: Cover Image. This Comic series is titled “Growth”. Celia, an east asian girl with wavy chin length hair, is illustrated wearing a cream crop top and yellow pants sitting amongst leaves and yellow flowers on a rocky surface. A watering can sits in the background.

Slide 1: Celia is seen standing from the side, with her arms crossed. She frowns. “When I was going through one of the worst times of my life, a family friend went out of his way to tell my parents that he noticed how unconfident I seemed.”

Slide 2: Scene turns to a memory, depicted as a sketch. The family friend is shown talking to Celia’s parents. “He told them not to worry though, because there was an easy solution. I just needed to find the right person, and start dating them.”

Slide 3: A speech bubble from the family friend illustrates this analogy. On the left is a flower pot with no plant, and a sad face above it. On the right is a blooming flower with hearts around it.

Celia’s note: I wish I was making this up. Blossom was LITERALLY the analogy used here

Slide 4: Back to Celia, who is speaking to the reader now: “It really, really hurt. I knew the reason why I wasn’t the best version of myself wasn’t because I hadn’t found love.”

Slide 5: She stares down at a yellow flower as she continues, “But unfortunately, I think thoughts, and unwarranted comments like these, stem from a deeper amatonormative view of the subject of growth”

Slide 6: “Countless stories which show the hero’s growth as pinned to their romantic arc.” Illustrated beneath is a stereotypical hero kneeling on the ground in front of his love interest. He holds a yellow flower as he says “I couldn’t have become the person I am today without you, your love showed me what’s worth trying for”.

Slide 7: “And on the more toxic side of things, those without romantic love or those who reject it end up as decrepit, cold, emotionally stunted, or sad.”

A few characters from popular, influential, or otherwise notable television shows are depicted here: Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmations, Queen Chrysalis from My Little Pony (Generation 4), Dr. Berkowitz from One Day at a Time, Alan Harper from Two and a Half Men, and Rajesh Koothrappali from The Big Bang Theory. A note indicates to the reader to check the description.

As a disclaimer: The inclusion of these characters do not indicate the author’s recommendation or approval of the original source material – they are only meant to serve as examples of the point to be made.

Slide 8: Scene switches to Celia now watering a collection of ferns, mugworts, and other leafy plants in a greenhouse. She says “As an aro person, it’s tiring to hear the more toxic side of this narrative again and again. It feels like we’re being told we won’t grow, like others can.”

#regularcomic #GrowthComic

[marinavarshavskaia]

Tyler Joseph is a genius

I’ve been studying psychology and personality types for a while now (maybe 5 or 6 years), and his personality is insanely interesting to study and observe.

He has always been sort of like a mystery to me. I tried to type him, i tried to study his interviews, but nothing really seems to connect in my head. He really reminds me of my sister, who is just a few years younger than him. They’re both quite emotional and they have this hidden anger within them, but they really try to hide their emotions behind this metallic ass bombastic ass “no one can break” ass shell. They’re also both quite aloof?? I guess. I used to think it was a bad thing, now i think that it’s not really a crime for someone to be aloof if u just treat it like a personality trait. As u grow and evolve, you actually learn that we all have shitty personality traits that, if not toxic, can be accepted. Not by everyone, i guess, but by some.

It also seems to me like Tyler has a VERY strong tendency to daydream constantly. I noticed that people that are very aloof tend to be like that, cause they are not 100% connected to reality. When u daydream all the time, people turn into shadows that just float around u, and it becomes very hard to connect with them and view them as real human beings. So i don’t think that he wants to be mean towards others, he’s just really not present enough.

His imagination can influence his personal life badly, but it also helps him with his art, which is fantastic, honestly. Sometimes u should sacrifice some aspects of your life to become the greatest. Maybe it’s naive of me to think so, maybe it’s the truth, i honestly don’t knowowowoowowowwow😭

But what makes him stand out is his strong sense of identity. His identity is so present that u can literally see him in a gigantic crowd within a few seconds, and it has nothing to do with his appearance. Sometimes someone’s energy is so strong that they just can’t help it, they’re always separated by it from other people. I also feel like even though he wants to be seen as someone who’s “cold” or “tough”, his warmth is extremely visible to literally everyone. He is a lot more feminine than masculine, and it seems to be one of his insecurities. It’s hard for him to accept his soft spot, his warmth and his feminine side, which is a lot bigger than his masculine side. Maybe it’s just my opinion, idk.

He looks inward a lot. He looks inward so much that we basically almost never hear about his exterior world in his songs and in his interviews. People connect to him because of it. The more insincere u are, the more u try to write songs like you’re part of some sort of morally superior movement, and your identity is literally non-existent. What’s unique about Tyler Joseph is the fact that he didn’t start as a musician with some sort of idea of a group he could be a leader of, he only wrote about his own experiences and thoughts, looking inward. His identity came first, other people’s struggles second. It’s how it’s supposed to be, honestly. People cannot relate to u if u don’t understand who the hell you are as a person. And it’s not even selfish to put yourself first in that regard, that’s absolutely ok.

I think that Tyler is one of the greatest artists out there. I love him and his loyal fan base. He deserves his success, his influence on people’s lives is undeniable, and his music literally saved my life at one point.

Thanks for putting up with my insane rant🥺❤️

#tyler joseph #top #twenty one pilots #twenty øne piløts #josh dun #trench #blurryface #scaled and icy #overcompensate #clancy #my favourite baby musician

[humdinky]

hey all! i just wanted to take a minute to stand on my little soap box and tell you about a manga i picked up last december. it has gotten much more attention since then, but i'd still like to throw my thoughts into the mix.

on the surface, the summer hikaru died explores a pretty common horror trope: what if a person you loved changed into something unrecognizable? do you reject them, or try to connect to the person that they have become? of course, this fear is twisted into something more threatening in a supernatural horror format. what if they literally died and came back as something else that could potentially harm you and your family?

we follow two teenage boys: yoshiki and his best friend (and one sided crush) hikaru, who goes missing in the mountains for a week and miraculously reappears unscathed. he looks the same as ever, but yoshiki can tell that what came back is no longer the hikaru that he once knew. now, yoshiki must come to grips with the fact that something sinister has taken over his friend’s body - and that it has a strong attachment to him.

that's the basic premise, but this manga is still ongoing and there are plenty of different directions it could take. if you haven't read it yet, it's worth experiencing firsthand. beyond the body horror are themes of grief and repressed homosexuality, as well as subtext to read into. i'm not going to be spoiling any explicit plot details, but i'd encourage you to stop reading this and go check it out if a bl manga with gorgeous art, toxic but engaging romance, and body horror sounds appealing to you.

the first thing you'll notice about this manga is that *chef's kiss* gorgeous art! it is uncanny, as you would expect, but it is drawn with so much care. the heavily detailed background art and visual horror create a rather oppressive atmosphere. the author also really excels at conveying character emotions through facial expressions, and there's a lot of very subtle bits of information that you can pick up from them.

being a body horror manga, this aspect is of course given extra care. when it gets supernatural, it takes on an oddly surreal quality. i'd even say that the transformations of hikaru take on an air of eroticism. that sounds out of place, but the author understands that the line between fear and attraction is thin. there is one scene in particular that would be very sexual if not for the absolute nightmare scenario unfolding before my eyes.

one of my favorite things about this manga is the confidence the author has in the reader. yoshiki having had feelings towards' the previous hikaru is never outright stated, it's just assumed that the reader will pick up on it. the village yoshiki lives in views homosexuality as some kind of curse, and the insecurity this creates in him is shown very subtly. the camera's gaze and the little things he says all convey this, like his apparent guilt over staring at hikaru shown through the shadow on his face. his fear of and attraction to hikaru's transformations also conveys this idea. he's also coping with grief in an unhealthy manner, and this is shown through the almost experimental way he's sometimes drawn. but yoshiki is not the only important character, and hikaru also has some depth. his character is harder to parse, but there's more to him lurking below the surface. he's more delicate than his outgoing demeanor would suggest. hell, it's understandable - being a literal monster means his position in yoshiki's life is extremely tenuous. our two main characters form a codependent relationship based on a fear of being alone, something very human and compelling in a messy sort of way.

something that i do not see being brought up quite as much is how tshd uses horror elements to discuss the fears around coming out and dealing with same-sex attraction. so much of hikaru’s internal struggle is such a wonderful metaphor. many of the moments between him and yoshiki serve as a dual narrative - the surface-level narrative but also this very delicate story about two boys from a rural village who realize they have feelings for one another. the whole story in fact is one giant metaphor for dealing with the anxiety losing who you thought you were and embracing concrete truths about sexuality and love.

overall it left me with some very strong first impressions. it is both an excellent horror manga and a nuanced exploration of loss and sexuality. i also find it very refreshing that their relationship isn’t built on any sort of deception or lies, and that yoshiki is aware that he’s an imposter, just not the extent of what exactly he is or what is happening in the town.

#the summer hikaru died #hikaru ga shinda natsu #hgsn #tshd #txt #manga #shounen ai #bl manga #manga recommendation #lgbtq #gay #horror #romance #certainly brings a new meaning to 'exploring each others bodies' #when im in a who loses his head first competition and my oponent is a gay white haired dude 😨

[distort-opia]

can I go a bit insane in your box? Have you ever thought about how people portrait Bruce in fanfiction? Like, the pattern. He's either cold and harsh or he's either too many soft (he's specially soft in the batfamily fiction). And somehow I find that both feels off but specially when he's too soft. And then there's you portrait of him where he's both but in a different way that the two options ahead: he portrait himself as a harsh man (and he kind of is but not entirely) but WE as reader can see his soft interior, his thoughts, his struggles and this is sooo nice. And we can see that he says or do things that he don't actually mean it (or he actually do, idk, he's insane sometimes). This is nice, really nice. Sometimes I think all the fandoms I'm in do that, specially with men and with yaoi ships. They make them so... Hm... Pitiful? I don't guess that's the right word for it but idk, it's literally in all the fandom I'm in. People take a single character trait and write the character with this single trait and usually it's not one of the bad traits ahshhshaha

You absolutely can! I actually did think about a lot of the same things regarding Bruce's portrayal, not just in fanfic but in canon as well. Basically, there's two flavors of Bruce, depending on the part of fandom/the characters he interacts with:

Bruce in connection to the Batfamily and the Justice League (father, coworker, most popularly gets shipped with Clark, or with Selina almost by default)

Bruce in connection to the Rogues (darker, more violent, more cruel, most popularly gets shipped with Joker or Riddler)

The problem is that fandom sometimes treats these characterizations as mutually exclusive. Comics are very much so a mix of the two... and I won't start on how the evidence is pretty stacked against a soft Bruce canonically, and how the nicer moments in panels that get passed around a lot are more the exception, and not the rule. If one were to go through the things people close to Bruce have forgiven him for, time and time again... well. We'd be here a while. But it's exactly as you say, it happens that fandoms latch onto one trait and reduce a character only to that. In Bruce's case, it tends to be either his darkness or his goodness; people either overexaggerate one or the other, when we're talking about a character who's been around for almost 100 years and as a consequence, is a very complex and nuanced one. I do try to maintain a balance of both when I write him (and I'm happy that does come across) because at his core, Bruce isn't a harsh and cold person-- he's a controlled person. You don't keep things as tightly under wraps as Bruce does if there's not something to keep under wraps. He's a highly emotional person who loved and lost and refuses to ever lose again, no matter what. No matter who he hurts or manipulates or cheats, he'll strive for the absolute control that'll allow him to avoid loss, and that'll result in acts of immense love but also... of immense destruction.

#asks #fandom negativity #bruce wayne

[outro-jo]

Hello gorgeous 🥰

I hope your requests are open

I just read mingi and seonghow (blurb) when reader having period and i really wish to read wooyoung version but with a little bit of twist

Like his s/o is a bit older than him and she is very independent person and she don't like to show her emotions like she keep on smiling even if if she is on extra pain and say I'm fine but with time she learns to open up and depend on wooyoung more and he picks up and wants she like something like that

If you can please 🙏🏽 make it into scenario

Have a wonderful time beautiful

Love you a lot

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

pairing: jung wooyoung x reader

type: imagine

summary: wooyoung learns the best way to help his partner while they learn how to let him help.

warnings: not gender specific but the reader is on their period, nothing much really, doting bf wooyo 🥰

a/n: i am definitely taking requests right now but i would recommend reading my info linked in all my works and on my masterlist before submitting for anyone else that would like to request. thank you for requesting! 🤍

masterlist | info

—————————

dating wooyoung is always a surprise. you never quite know what you’re gonna get from one day to the next. but most of the time it’s a fun, silly, light-hearted energy. you weren’t that much older than him but you always said it keeps you young.

the thing you struggled with the most in the relationship was letting him in. in truth, you struggled to do that with most people, not just wooyoung. he always found a way to work himself in though. most of the time it was just by being his boisterous, endearing self… but not every time.

your hyper independence paired nicely with the way your mom taught you how to treat that time of the month too. “don’t tell anyone about it” was basically how you were supposed to treat it most often suffering in silence. especially since wooyoung came from a family where it was him and two brothers. sure, he was close to his mom and had a lot of friends that had their periods, but it didn’t matter. keep it quiet.

little did you know, wooyoung was much smarter than you thought. he could tell by the way you closed off each month it was going on. though he never said anything, he would do his best to let you deal with it in your own way. you never seemed to connect the two when he would plan more dates at home cuddling on the couch or when he came home with a bag of goodies from the convenience store or even came home with a new heating pad. each time he would come up with a valid excuse to blow it off.

“ah, i’m too tired to go out. can we stay in and cuddle?”

“i bought too many snacks when i went out with the boys. help me eat them.”

“my shoulder has been killing me with this new move. you can use it too if you need to.”

this is how it would continue in the relationship for almost a year but it ate at wooyoung. he wanted so badly for you to confide in him the way he should be confided in as a boyfriend. he wanted to baby you a bit more during this time of the month and care for you the way he felt you should be cared for. wooyoung was too respectful for that, though, and never wanted to push you.

that all would come to an end when the pain was so unbearable. this was by far the worst period you had experienced probably ever. when you took days off work from not being able to move, it was undeniable at this point but still you would try to play it off.

“i’m just not feeling well, babe. you should go on to work.” offering a weak smile before rolling over to rest.

it broke his heart to see you this way and still trying to shoulder this burden (and so many) on your own. wooyoung had decided it was time to have a conversation, not before finally taking care of you.

he came into the room that afternoon quietly, leaving the overhead light off as not to disturb you. his socked feet padding softly on the wood floor as he came over to you setting a glass of water on your nightstand and the heating pad tucked under his arm.

“darling, can you sit up for me?” he softly requested.

you stirred softly from your nap, rubbing your eyes to look up at him, “what?” you asked groggily.

“c’mon, love.” he carefully reached behind you to help raise you up to a seated position against the headboard. “take these, darling.” he dropped two tablets in your hand and passed over the glass of water.

“wooyoung, i can take care—“ you were cut off by him shushing you.

“it’s alright now, my love. just relax, ok?”

maybe it was how gently he was treating you or the fact that you could nearly sob with pain but you actually let him tend to you. he moved swiftly to plug in the heating pad and placed it tenderly on your stomach before helping you settle into a laying position. then he went around to the other side of the bed and cuddled in next to you, careful to give you your space in case you were in too much pain to cuddle.

“is there anything else i can do for you, love?” he finally asked.

“no, and you’ve done so much for me already, wooyoung. thank you.” you smiled weakly at him.

he shook his head, “you just rest now. i’ll be right here.”

only he wasn’t there when you woke up from your nap. you had felt a little better, enough to move around. so you got up and trudged to the kitchen where you smelled something cooking.

“you’re cooking for me?” you asked.

“ah! my baby is awake.” he walked over to you from the stove and hugged you softly, kissing your cheek. “how was your nap? how are you feeling? food’s almost ready.”

he moved to sit you down at the kitchen table before going back to finish.

“i can do that, wooyoung. i can take care of myself.” you insisted once again.

just as you said that, another wave of pain ripped through your lower abdomen. you grimaced your face, leaning forward and gripped the tables edge. wooyoung took notice, quickly removing the food from the heat and rushing over to you.

“darling, are you ok?” he knelt down in front of you.

for the first time ever you couldn’t hold back. you shook your head as tears begin to form in your eyes. wooyoung reached a hand up, his thumb stroking your cheek. he stayed with you until the pain subsided. his eyes were soft and round as he looked you over. so worried about you and empathetic to your pain. if he could switch places with you, he would do it in a heartbeat but for now he would just be there for you the best he could.

“are you ok now?” his voice was barely above a whisper. you nodded, sniffling. wooyoung leaned in and kissed your forehead softly.

“darling…” he started, not quite knowing how to get this out. “i know you can do things and you can handle yourself but i want you to know you don’t have to do it alone. i’m a grown man, maybe not as old as you…” he teased lightly, earning a playful slap to his arm. “but i just want to be there for you when you’re hurting. to hold you and take care of you. you’re more than capable of doing it on your own, you just don’t have to, ok?”

again, you nodded as he kissed your cheek.

wooyoung always knows what to say to make you feel loved and respected. he doesn’t have talks like this very often but when he does it really shows his wisdom. you really lucked out with him.

#kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez #wooyoung #jung wooyoung #wooyoung imagines #wooyoung scenarios #wooyoung reactions #wooyoung boyfriend

[iridescentscarecrow]

hi i'm the op of that post (stackslip) PLEASE elaborate on chainsaw man's metanarrative

hi! um. you've given me free reign, i hope you know what you're doing. anyway: fair warning in advance that this is based entirely on how i like to interpret and think of the csm story and doesn't necessarily hold true, partly because of the level of abstraction that i'm operating at here. i'm normal and i like metanarratives a normal amount. this might be a little long. but.

um. thinking about how protagonism in CSM is inflicted on denji by the author insert that is makima. i've brought up the Icon of chainsaw man before in my part 2 analyses but basically:

the Chainsaw Man is the role that denji occupies in the story, right? it's the title of the manga. it's what the public Sees him as. it's what makima quite literally produces. the relationship between denji and the chainsaw man in both aspiration and idealisation forms a major stem of both part 1 and part 2's narrative.

this production occurs on two levels: (1) what Chainsaw Man is, and should be, and (2) how denji is developed as a protagonist by makima.

"you don't get him at all." chainsaw man is her blorbie (i think i'm funny). the point is that the Presentation of chainsaw man, the one that the audience is initially set up to expect, is almost entirely synonymous with makima's version of the CSM that we get later. i think a lot about how part one borrows from, amplifies, and later subverts shounen tropes. the CSM as an idea persists in how it's discordant from denji's normality in part 2 but part 1's direction in how denji voluntarily inhabits the chainsaw is what i'm pointing at here. (there's a lot to be said about how denji's idealisation as tied to the icon of the CSM is intertwined with his wants but that's not relevant in this meta except in the minutiae of his adherence / resistance to this role.)

the thing is that makima is instrumental in pushing this role onto denji. she sees chainsaw man, he is chainsaw man. it's (and i sound insane here but please hold on, i beg) like writing.

i think her addressing him in the last battle scene, the "i'll kill you personally" is indicative of her finally divorcing denji from the chainsaw; forming The Chainsaw Man in full, while still obviously curating the denji that would support this formation throughout the story.

a small side here but: "but she never even saw me once, even from the start." // fujimoto's writing actively utilises characters towards the end goal of shaping the protagonist. this struggle here is one between a character and an author.

now continuing; the way that makima provides for and then systematically removes these initial connections simulates traditional story structures with its setup, its confrontation and resolution. her excellence as an antagonist rests upon her identity as a narrative device which develops the protagonist and pushes him through this structure. the conflicts and the loss that a protagonist usually naturally (at least in-world) goes through in a story are instead all artificially created by makima.

"how could i make you so hurt that you'd no longer be capable of living a normal life?" // her molding of denji isn't just passive emotional manipulation, it's active writing. she herself is aware of the tropes and the character relationships that are being built up, that are being subverted. she herself embodies, espouses and resolves the themes of multiple arcs (thinking of the end of the bomb devil and the darkness devil arc here / thinking of how she draws the shutters on ignorance and on wanting).

there's a lot i try to extrapolate from her commentary on movies during her date with denji especially in context with the story simulation that she herself is doing throughout the manga. i find it interesting how the ending to the movie date or the "good" movie founds itself on shared feeling: denji sees makima cry at the same movie as he does.

"the drinks yesterday were delicious." // you talked about her goals already in your post but makima's search for real intimacy (and equality in a relationship) coincides with denji's one. to me, it comes off as a writer trying to find a mirror of understanding in their own creation. the way she visualises the CSM (as "chaos" to her order) reveals a relationship quite like the flawed connection that one has with characters one makes: and this relationship is what denji (the 'stage' of this process) responds to so emphatically: "she wasn't looking at me this whoole time."

so, yeah; CSM to me operates at two levels: the one with the deeply human character relationships that construct the story and another layer where fiction and ideation mesh. it's important to note that this is something fjmt quite likes doing in his other work: using characters to specifically engage with the telling of his stories or exploring his characters' nuanced reactions to fiction and its weight.

thinking of makima as the 'Author' is misleading, though, and it ignores the fact that makima is both a device deployed by the actual author and in-world by the structure that are the higher ups. she is the control devil; she controls the scaffoldings of the story but she in herself is an agent of the author, of the narrative, of the aforementioned higher ups.

i don't know. is an artist ever truly original in their art? do they not operate within a greater structure, borrowing from and being regulated by it and its interpretation of their work? are makima's plans not ultimately upset by her creation?

denji materialises as a character from multiple active sources instead of the unitary source that makima believes herself to be. he's a passive character and yet he refuses to be a stable creation (psst. it's that universal tussle between the living art and the artist -- something fjmt's already tackled in his oneshots).

i don't know (2). this interpretation's been simmering in my head for a while, but i wasn't very Sure about it. but hm. this writeup primarily bases itself off part one (since it's well. complete) but image and image production specifically coming into fruition as a theme in part two makes me feel increasingly confident in this interpretation. it's strange how it somehow all ties back into storytelling.

#this is because i'm so writingpilled metacelled at all times. literally. #like. i'm obsessed w reze as of now but that Thing that was makiden throughout the manga. actually still has me in a chokehold. #taps makima and denji -- these two can fit so many Themes into them. #and even part 2's grappling with structure #and how devils are written also as roles and through their interpretations. so so tasty #chainsaw man #csm meta #chainsaw man meta #makima #denji #crow.txt #crow.asks #stackslip #<- is it OK if i tag this? thank you so so much for the ask

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi. I'm questioning about having ADHD and Autism, but there is really little information online about what it feels like to have both. And there is even less information about women with both diagnoses. And less information on adults.

So, basically, I need help

So, I wanted to ask. Which behaviours has an adult woman with both ADHD and Autism? Do the following behaviours resonate with you? -Loving order but struggling to organize. -Having too many thoughts at once but they're all connected. -Thinking in systems but also connecting seemingly unrelated ideas. -Struggling to be on time but being unable to wait when the other person is late. -When I was little I was late ALL the time but I couldn't wait for others. -Since I'm little I tend to eat the same food for breakfast and "merienda" (it's a meal we have before dinner) for a few months. Then change to another thing and repeat the cycle. -Since I'm little I want to wear the same clothes all the time but since sometimes I feel out of place I change them. -I love scheduling, but I have a hard time following the schedule. -I love order, but since I'm always looking for novelty, I tend to break that order a lot. -Having a strong interest in Biology, but also in learning and connecting the things I learned, because I want to stay on track (with Biology) but get super bored if I only do that. -Wanting to be the center of attention while also hating being the center of attention. -Wanting everyone to be silent while being too loud myself. -Talking too loud and fast or too quiet and slow. No in between. -Feeling like an ambivert. -Being really good at managing one-on-one interactions while feeling like not being there (I believe it's called dissociating) where I'm in social situation with two or more people. I just feel like there are too many variables. -When I was little, I had a set of rules (only my code of respect remains from this) to manage social situations, while also being able to be spontanious if I had a little nudge. -When I was little I couldn't understand other people's emotions but I also felt REALLY bad if something bad happened to them. -Loving social interaction but feeling overwhelmed by it. Send you kisses <3

Hi there,

I did find some information about autism/ADHD in women/girls, so I hope they help. I’ll leave some excerpts below:

…This isn’t surprising, as autism and ADHD are both often missed or even misdiagnosed in women. Nearly 80% of women with autism are misdiagnosed – often with conditions such as borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, bipolar disorder and anxiety. It’s currently unknown how often women with ADHD are misdiagnosed.

But there are a number of reasons that may explain why this happens. The first is that autism and ADHD symptoms are different in women than they are in men. Other conditions common in people with autism and ADHD (such as anxiety and depression) may also make it appear that symptoms are the result of these conditions instead. Women with autism and ADHD may also learn over time how to hide their symptoms from people – which may further lead to misdiagnosis or delayed diagnosis.

Another major problem is that autism and ADHD are still often seen as “male disorders”. While it’s true that both conditions affect a higher proportion of men than women, it also means that the current tools used to diagnose people with these conditions tend not to recognise female symptoms as readily.

Girls with autism may have less obvious social difficulties and often have better verbal communication than a boy with autism might. For girls with ADHD, they often aren’t as hyperactive and may not have the disruptive behaviour some boys may have. This means that many girls with these conditions may be overlooked by their parents, teachers and even clinicians as the diagnostic criteria do not match with their symptoms.

Source:

Adhd in Women

ADHD has three main presentations: predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined inattentive and hyperactive.

Women and girls can have any of these presentations, and presentations and symptom severity can vary across their lives. However, both research and lived experience indicate that girls and women most often appear to have the inattentive presentation:

* Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes

* Has difficulty sustaining attention, does not appear to listen

* Struggles to follow through with instructions, has difficulty with organization

* Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort, loses things easily

* Is easily distracted, is forgetful in daily activities

To assume that women and girls only experience the inattentive presentation would be incorrect. Many women and girls report and describe “internal” hyperactivity and other unrecognized symptoms, with behaviors often ascribed culturally to very “social” girls:

* Talks excessively

* Fidgets and often needs to get up and walk around

* Acts impulsively or speaks before thinking

* Appears to daydream but will explains that her thoughts feel like they are “going a million miles a minute” and she has trouble keeping her mind on one topic

* Easily makes friends but has difficulty sustaining friendships

* Self-harming activities, or activities that require extreme and unhealthy self-discipline

* Adopts compensatory strategies, leading to working two to three times as hard as her peers in order to be equally successful

* Fears rejection by peers or friends and clings to other people or remains in unhealthy relationships

Additional indications of ADHD

Though not often listed as symptoms, other indications of ADHD in girls and women include co-occurring depression and anxiety, difficult romantic relationships that can lead to intimate partner violence, trouble maintaining friendships, and at least one space in her life in disarray (messy house, messy bedroom, or similar personal space).

Often girls with ADHD will become sexually active at a younger age than their peers, due to impulsivity, poor planning, or a desire to be cared for by their partner. When they do so, they are at a greater risk of being pressured into unwanted sexual activity or becoming victims of sexual violence, and are less likely to use or be able to insist that their partners use contraception.

Source:

Autistic girls don’t fit the “model”

Autism is a developmental disorder that is marked by two unusual kinds of behaviors: deficits in communication and social skills, and restricted or repetitive behaviors. Children with autism also often have sensory processing issues. But here’s the hitch, according to Susan F. Epstein, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist. “The model that we have for a classic autism diagnosis has really turned out to be a male model. That’s not to say that girls don’t ever fit it, but girls tend to have a quieter presentation, with not necessarily as much of the repetitive and restricted behavior, or it shows up in a different way.”

Stereotypes may get in the way of recognition. “So where the boys are looking at train schedules, girls might have excessive interest in horses or unicorns, which is not unexpected for girls,” Dr. Epstein notes. “But the level of the interest might be missed and the level of oddity can be a little more damped down. It’s not quite as obvious to an untrained eye.” She adds that as the spectrum has grown, it’s gotten harder to diagnose less-affected boys as well.

In fact, according to a 2005 study at Stanford University, autistic girls exhibit less repetitive and restricted behavior than boys do. The study also found brain differences between autistic boys and girls help explain this discrepancy.

Wendy Nash, MD, a child and adolescentpsychiatrist, adds that girls are more likely to control their behavior in public, so teachers don’t catch differences. “A lot of autistic girls get ruled out because they may share a smile or may have a bit better eye contact or they’re more socially motivated. It can be a more subtle presentation,” Dr. Nash explains. If girls are socially interested but odd, which is the case with the majority of these girls, she adds, “I think people give them a pass.”

Another problem: misdiagnoses

Dr. Epstein says there’s another reason autistic girls are misdiagnosed, or diagnosed later than boys. Girls struggling with undiagnosed autism often develop depression, anxiety or poor self-esteem, and clinicians may not “really dig underneath to see the social dysfunction” caused by autism.

Dr. Nash adds that these girls can also be misdiagnosed with ADHD. “I see a lot of girls who are diagnosed withADHD when they’re young who actually meet the criteria for autism,” she says. “There’s hyperactivity without as much social impairment or a different kind of social impairment, so the autism is missed.”

Autistic girls “pass”… at least for a while

Another reason girls may not be diagnosed is because they’re able to “pass.”

“Girls tend to get by,” Dr. Epstein says. “They might not understand what’s going on but they’ll try to just go along and imitate what they see. And they may get away with it to third grade or fifth grade, but once they get to junior high and high school, it shows as a problem.”

This has been the case for Lisa, now 13. Melissa says of her daughter, “She is less mature than her typical peers, and girls are so intricate in how they behave socially. It’s very difficult for her to maintain friendships because of this and, let me tell you, 13-year-old girls are not very accepting of someone different.

Source:

I hope these can help. Many some of my followers can help too. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

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