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mrs-weasley-reid · 12 days

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Say Don't Go

Spencer Reid x bau!reader

Summary: Nothing hurts more than the fear of losing you.

Warning: Angst. mentions of death, blood, gunshot

A/N: I wrote this in haste, literally ten minutes ago, while listening to Say Don't Go (Taylor's Version) by mother Taylor Swift. It's definitely not perfect but I was definitely in the zone when I wrote it lol.

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A gunshot.

Everything fades into a muffle. You blink once, twice, thrice... A wince connects your brows. As if you're figuring out if the oozing feeling on your abdomen should be causing you pain or ease.

Suddenly, Spencer's running to you. You think he's screaming. You hear nothing. There's only ringing in your ears. A thin, high-pitched ring that pierces through your brain.

You drop on the precinct's carpet floor, caressing your stomach like it's enough to stop yourself from bleeding out. You look at Spencer, "When'd you get here?" You ask, disoriented. You instantly pay attention to his watery eyes. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" You reach to cup his cheek. You are shocked when you see your hand covered in red, smearing the liquid on his skin. Your eyes widen, "Oh, my god?! You're hurt! Spence—" You try to sit up, but a wave of stinging pain makes you fall back in his arms.

"WHERE'S THE MEDIC?!" Spencer's voice echoes in the entire place. He turns to you, unsure if he is even allowed to have you in his arms. He doesn't dwell on it as he holds your hand on his cheek, squeezing it. "Hey, hey! Breathe for me, yeah? Stay with me." He swallows a sob, placing pressure on your abdomen. "Please, stay with me..."

"I'm hurt?" Stupor begins to steal you out of consciousness. You blink. A bright light blinds your vision.

Once you open your eyes, you're back in Spencer's apartment. He's standing across the room while your feet are rooted at the door. He doesn't look at you. No. He's afraid to look at you.

His hands are buried in his pockets. He's wearing a nice suit. Fitted just for him. His tie is a dark shade of purple. You gave him that tie for his birthday last year. It's loose. His hair is a mess. And his face... it's wet.

He's crying.

You're crying.

"I think you should go," Spencer takes a gulp as he stares at the floor. Like it'd kill him if he looked at you.

You inhale deeply, sniffing as you wipe a tear with the back of your hand, "We don't have to do this, Spence. You don't have to do this."

"Yes, we do!" For the first time in what feels like forever, he finally lifts his gaze at you. His hazel eyes are rimmed with red heat, overflowing with tears. He's hurt. He's hurt, too.

"Is it really that horrible to love me?" You sob. You can hear your heart slowly shatter. Pins and needles knock on your chest. You wonder if you're still breathing right. "Am I that ugly—"

"You know that's not true, sweetheart." You hate that the nickname gives you butterflies. How his words, awful and insensitive, still made you attentively listen. How his voice still makes you want to hear more. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met."

"Then why?!" You felt like a child throwing a tantrum. "Why are you putting a distance between us?" You bite your lower lip to stop it from quivering. "Why is it such a crime to be together?"

Spencer shifts his gaze to somewhere else. He runs a hand through his hair. You notice the coffee stain at the cuff of his sleeve. Then, you see the smudge of red lipstick past the line of his lips. Your red lipstick. He bought that lipstick a few months ago. No reason. Just for the fun of it.

Is it bad that you think he still looks handsome under the sun's setting light? Even when his hair is arrayed in different directions? Even when his face is drenched with his own tears?

He breathes deeply, audibly, "We're in the same line of work. You know better than to think we're going to work. News flash, sweetheart. It won't. It's not worth it." He can't look at you. He's ashamed to look at you.

"Not... worth it?" You blink. You stare at him with disgust, "So— So what? We're nothing, but we fuck? We're nothing, but we flirt? We're nothing, but you love me? Please, explain it to me because I'm having a difficult time understanding the stupid shit of a point you're making."

Spencer gulps for the nth time, "You love me."

"What?" You regret wanting to meet his eyes because now that he's staring at yours with such unfamiliarity, it hurts.

"You love me. You said you love me. I never said anything."

You're definitely not breathing right.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"Inhale, exhale... Yeah, that's right, sweetheart. Just follow me." Spencer holds your hand tight as the paramedics do their best to stop you from bleeding out. His voice sounds heartbreaking.

His voice...

You blink. Your hearing's back. You do as he says, inhaling and exhaling as he does. You feel lightheaded, like you're floating on a cloud.

Spencer keeps his and your hands intertwined. He follows while the paramedics roll you into the ambulance. "Hang in there, sweetheart. Please, hang in there." His face is a mess. He doesn't stop crying, swallowing his sobs.

You smile into the oxygen mask, blinking. You're on the verge of dying, and yet you find humor in knowing Spencer's tells. "You swallow when you're scared... don't be scared, Spence." You say it in broken words and in an almost soundless voice.

"I'm not," He denies, wiping his tears aggressively. He is. He's scared to the bone.

"The bullet shattered to her chest," The paramedic who inspects your chest claims, looking at her partner with worry.

"W-what?" Spencer stutters, stealing a glimpse down your neck. "No, no, sweetheart. Stay with me. Stay with me." He sees the way you flutter your eyes, fighting to stay conscious, listening to his pleas. And how you suddenly stopped, never opening your eyes back up. "Don't— Don't close your eyes! Sweetheart, please don't go. Please, don't—" He looks up at the sound of your vitals plummeting. He quickly looks back at your face, saying your name like it's a prayer.

The machine flatlines, and the paramedic pushes Spencer aside to perform resuscitation. "Sir, let us do our job." One of them says, two inches deep as she manually restarts your heart.

Spencer shoves himself in the corner of the ambulance. He wraps his arms around him. "Please, don't go..." His voice cracks and transitions into writhing sobs as he watches your body go limp with each surge of electricity that shocks your skin.

Then he thinks of that night.

He thinks of the image of you standing by the door. You don't want to go. He doesn't want you to go.

But you have to... because if you don't, he'll run to you and never let you go. So, he tells you to leave. You protest.

So stubborn. He cries in his head, wishing that you hadn't made things difficult for being so beautiful even when you're crying.

"You love me. You said you love me. I never said anything." His body shakes on the spot. His mouth goes dry. His chest compresses. He lies through his teeth.

Spencer saw the way your face turned into a ghost. He's done it.

He broke you.

He hurt you.

No turning back. No way of fixing it.

"Ah..." You say softly, nodding. "Checks out." You add without a sign of sarcasm. You stare into the air for a minute. You let the silence hover and hunt Spencer for a moment. You let him realize the pain, the stupidity of it all. "I think I should leave..." Your eyes say otherwise.

Please say, "Don't go." Tell me not to leave. Run to me... please.

You wonder if he knows it or chooses to ignore the way you held your tears. If he caught on all your tells. Because you knew he wasn't true. You knew he knew that you could read him like the back of your hand.

"Yeah," Spencer straightens his back, "I think you should."

You purse your lips into a thin line and nod, "Okay," You turn around. You take three seconds to grab the knob, but when the time has run out, you are out in a heartbeat.

"Spencer."

JJ appears in Spencer's vision. "Spencer, are you okay?" Her face was covered with worry as she placed two hands on his shoulders. She exchanges looks with Derek and Aaron.

They were there when it all went down. When the unsub came out of nowhere and started shooting. You were the first shot.

Spencer cranes his neck around. He's in the waiting room. He doesn't remember when or how he got there. All he remembers is the defibrillator jolting your unresponsive body more than once. His eyes widen. He says your name in haste as he stands up, "Where is she? Where— Where..."

Derek holds him back, "She's in surgery, Reid. Did you forget?" He asks, gently pushing Spencer back onto his seat.

"She was dead for three minutes... They couldn't find a pulse for three minutes." Spencer announces at a loss. He looks down at his hand, at the cheap friendship bracelet around his wrist. The one you made in your first year with the team as a last-minute birthday gift. He breaks into a sob, covering his eyes as if to push them back inside his tear ducts.

"So?" Derek catches Spencer's hands off his face, "She's been in surgery for thirty minutes. Her heart started beating again, and it had been for thirty minutes. She's fighting, man. At least fight with her before you wallow like a ninny."

"Morgan," Aaron warns but silently agrees.

You're fighting for your life, so they should, too.

You're not ready to go.

You don't want to go.

Spencer nods and wipes his face. He sniffs and takes a deep breath. He glances at the door to the operating room like he has x-ray vision, "Don't go."

#spencer reid #criminal minds #criminalminds #ssa spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencerreid #fem!reader #cm #spencer reid angst #spencer reid criminal minds #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you

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im-poe-dameron · 9 months

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─── BREATHE ME IN

a/n: so um...i have no idea what this is. i started this when the kenobi series was coming out and sort of dropped it after a month. but here i am, finally finishing it and making it longer than it was supposed to be. did we really expect me not to find darth vader hot? i think he's where my whole loving a masked character came from. honestly this is basically filth with me trying to shove plot in not so subtly. so i hope y'all enjoy!

summary: the jedi fell and darth vader rose to power, but there's a secret he hides even from his own master.

word count: 5.5k+ (because i'm insane)

pairing: darth vader x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI, cussing, angst, tenderness which is shocking, thigh riding, choking (obviously), oral (male receiving), a tad bit of face fucking, dom/sub dynamics, rough p in v sex, overstimulation, more hints of anakin than vader.

You’ll never be able to forget the scent of him after that night one month ago. It was branded in your mind, forever a part of you as he bent you to his will—made you his without even saying a single word. You should have fought him on it; made him see that you weren’t ready to relinquish the power you once held, but you knew the man beneath the mask he wore. You had known Anakin before he became this, before he twisted himself up inside and gave into being Darth Vader.

Even now as you stood in your small home on a planet far away from the Empire’s touch, you could feel his control over you. Long before the order was given and Jedi were slaughtered, you had been one of them. A knight who fought alongside Anakin in the Clone Wars—a warrior who chose the side of good rather than evil.

Then things fell apart. You were told that the man you loved, the person you cherished the most, gave into the dark side.

He became a stranger once more.

But nobody runs from Anakin for long—especially when he’s become a force more powerful than any Jedi could ever hope to be. You were hiding out on Devaron when he found you, attempting first to turn you to the dark side with him. Only for you to see something break in his exterior, his walls dropping for a split second and you felt it like a punch to the chest. He needed you.

This absolute desire was not born out of lust but pure necessity, because even as Darth Vader…Anakin Skywalker still lived beneath the mask and he didn’t know how to live without you. You’d always been the person he turned to when Obi-Wan wouldn’t understand the nature of his feelings. When he could no longer control them himself.

So, he left you there—allowing you to remain a Jedi who chose the light side of the Force over him. But he would return again and again. Desperate for someone to put his strained mind at ease—the memories of his past haunting him with every waking day. Perhaps that's where the submission started. In helping him by allowing him into your bed, into your heart little by little each time until eventually…you yearned for him to.

Jedi weren’t allowed to have such strong attachments, but as a Sith…he could keep you as his for as long as possible. A deal you wholeheartedly agreed to with a single word.

The stars were starting to shine brightly in the night sky as you traversed the dense forest of Devaron, your lightsaber clipped to your side and hood drawn up over your head. You heard his ship land ten minutes ago; knew he now stood in the center of your home awaiting your arrival. So, you took your time. Anakin never liked to wait, Darth Vader was no different, and somehow that brought a smile to your face. So desperate to see you that he would battle his way through the forest alone to find you again.

He would come after you—you knew he would—and that brought back the pool of heat that always found its way to your body when he arrived.

There was something twisted about loving him even the way he was now. How could you, a Jedi Knight of your ability, love something so dark? How could you give into the sinister deliciousness of that side, yet still remain so true to the light side of the Force? The answer was simpler than you thought. In your mind he still remained as Anakin the man you loved and even though you knew what he did, what he now became, you couldn’t let go of your heart fully.

Even if the scars now showed as small canyons and ridges, each one holding a darkness that would ultimately cause your demise.

He knew this.

Nobody loved Darth Vader, nobody gave themselves to the most powerful Sith in the galaxy, without understanding they would die because of it one day. Perhaps that’s what caused the absolute ache in your bones at the mere sight of him. The thought of one day no longer being by his side. Some Jedi may claim you were betraying what you believed in—destroying yourself just for an inkling of mind numbing pleasure—but it was more than that. Pleasure ultimately gave way to the pain of loving someone beyond saving.

As expected you arrived at your small house to the sight of a black ship—big enough for one—in the clearing that was solely used by him. The darkness bled through the Force, encasing you in a biting cold as you walked towards the already open door. One might say the sight of him standing amidst your tiny living room was terrifying enough to run away. But you were never one to cower in fear from him and you refused to start now.

His head tilted, energy stretching out towards you through the old connection you used to have with him, and with a small smile you reached back. Twining your brilliant blue around his obsidian nature until you saw him shudder beneath his cloak.

“You’re late,” he said—his voice something you had to continue to get used to.

Humming, you dropped your robe onto the chair behind him, heading towards your small makeshift kitchen where you knew there’d be some bread from the day before. He turned, watching you move as you continued to press your Force signature against his own—reminding him of a time when he too held a blue lightsaber brighter than yours. This was a two way street. You savored the bitter sweetness of the dark side, relishing in the rush of power that flowed through your veins, and he once again fell back into what he used to know. The calming serenity of the light side.

“You’re early,” you teased, knowing his temper was far worse than before. However he always seemed to control it around you—the tight grip he had on his anger evident in the way his fist clenched.

“Where did you go?” He demanded more than asked nowadays and so you stayed silent, awaiting for the flare of anger to shove its way into your mind.

It never came though. The silence almost shocked you as you turned, eating the remainder of the bread. But that’s what he wanted out of you—a reaction that would show you actually acknowledge his presence. How could you not? When he stood there looking like the true embodiment of the dark side of the Force. Although there were times when you missed the sight of Anakin standing before you—a smile on his face that always reached his blue eyes.

“Exploring,” you said, eyes flickering down the length of him—taking in the sight of his rigid stance. “How long are you here for?”

“Tonight.”

His answers were blunt, to the point, because he didn’t have time to dawdle. You were his secret, you knew this. If anyone found out you’d be killed and knowing who Darth Vader answered to…he’d be forced to do it himself. So, you nodded and finished the remainder of your bread as you continued to watch him—prodding at the wall of his mind to hopefully see within. But they remained up, blocking you from anything other than his Force signature which remained tightly entwined with your own.

“How long will you be gone for?”

He paused, pressing against the walls of your mind to see what exactly you were thinking, but you knew he didn’t wish to forcefully tear them down. You were not a person he was interrogating—rather a lover who he may very well lose if he didn’t act accordingly. His fist clenched again, the struggle to remain in complete control now wavering as you stalled for time. He knew what you were doing and yet he still played along.

“I don’t know.”

You hummed, once more pressing against the wall in his mind. It was dangerous to be let inside—having seen what he harbored behind the thick barrier—but your curiosity always wished to drag you into trouble.

What was safety compared to intimately knowing the most lethal person in existence? To you there would be nothing more intriguing, nothing more worth the risk than this simple gesture.

“Don’t,” he spit out, stepping closer until your lower back was digging into the counter.

“You let me in once before—”

His gloved hand landed on your throat, silencing your words and causing a shudder to run down your spine. Though the position wasn’t unfamiliar, it still brought a small inkling of fear to peek its head out. He could kill you—without remorse. Yet he never did. He simply remained, holding your throat as tenderly as he possibly could—relearning what the meaning of gentle was. That thought alone brought a dazed smile to your face, your eyes nearly fluttering closed as his thumb ran along the column of your neck.

“That is no longer a luxury you are allowed to have.”

The words were sinister on his tongue, like a sharp knife to your heart, but you’d been scarred by him before. “Is it because I know what I’ll find? Or are you afraid?”

His control finally snapped, the pressure on your throat now crushing you until you struggled for air. But he didn’t squeeze harder, he didn’t make sure that you were unable to breathe completely, because he couldn’t cross that line. He refused to. You were the only light he let slip through the cracks of his helmet; the one thing keeping him stable on the ground and while it wasn’t very Darth Vader of him to keep you—it was the part of Anakin that still remained that held onto you tightly.

“You know nothing.”

Despite the lack of oxygen, you smiled. “I know you.”

The words came out choked and broken, but it was enough. He froze, his hand loosening around your throat as the final realization clicked into place just like it always did when he found his way back to you.

You knew him—knew Anakin that lay beneath the surface and Vader that rose to power crushing him in the end. You knew all the ugly bits that showed through the evident splinters of his being and in spite of all of that…you still loved him. Whenever he left you he seemed to forget that when he came here he didn’t have to wear a shroud of anger that resembled his cape. He didn’t have to wean himself from the light side with every bittersweet touch, because you held no expectations of him.

“Anakin,” you breathed, hand sliding along his leather covered limb. “Come home.”

Little by little you saw his walls come down, felt the darkness seep into his Force signature until you were surrounded by it. Until the only light left between the two of you was yours—guiding him back to you for a brief moment. He’d only be here tonight, so you’d have tonight.

You would take as much time as you were allowed if it meant seeing Anakin for a brief moment again.

“Anakin is dead,” he muttered, hand shifting until his thumb was pressing against your bottom lip. “I killed him.”

Parting your lips you allowed him to invade your senses even further—the taste of the leather permeated your mouth, driving a moan from your throat. Digging your nails into his arm, you felt him push against you—forcing his way into your mind and showing you images of a past that felt like yesterday. Anakin’s face flashed before you, the smile you ached to see again finally coming back to you, and it drew a whimper to the surface. A sound he liked if the pressure on your tongue was enough to go by.

The scene shifted and you felt the heat flare to life in your stomach as you saw yourself beneath him, sobbing his name as he practically shoved you into all encompassing bliss. Memories he still held onto—torturing himself because he could no longer have you in the way he wanted. But above all that, one stuck to the forefront of your mind. The taste of him as he kissed you; devoured everything you were and felt greedy enough to take even more.

The first hints of the dark side within him.

“Maker,” you gasped as he ripped his hand away, reaching for the ties of your robes. “I miss it too.”

Gathering enough of your energy you used the Force to shove him backwards until he stumbled into the wall behind him—his large frame taking up too much space. To anyone else it would have felt suffocating, but to you…this was as safe as you were ever going to get. He ached to have his old self back not to be a Jedi again. No, he thrived in the sinister ways of the Sith. He wanted to be Anakin, to have you again by his side—to kiss you like he used to on nights where things became too heavy a burden to carry alone.

Somehow in the midst of you pushing him back and him resisting you ended up pinned to the wall of your bedroom by him. He didn’t even have to touch you to make you beg for more; for you to do anything he wanted. This is what bending to his will became and he loved it.

He stood inches away, the tips of his boots touching yours and so like a fool you let your walls down without any warning. Shoving every memory and burning need his way until he was gasping through the modulator—his hand slamming against the wall beside your head. Each moment you were with him, each touch and night neither of you slept—too busy finding what made the other tick—it all poured into his mind. You made him see what you saw whenever you were near him even with the mask.

The cold feeling of his mask pressed against your cheek as he tried to push himself closer. This is all it would amount to. Nights spent in secret when really the both of you ached for one last thing. Something you never got.

A farewell kiss.

“Anakin,” you said softly, hand sliding to his shoulder. “Are you home?”

He let out a breath, the sound distorted through the modulator before finally breaking down the last of his walls. “Yes.”

You didn’t know how long tonight would truly last and so you began to clutch at his arm, feeling a hot press of his gloved hand dig into your thigh as he raised it to his hip. A natural movement he’d done a hundred times over. That was enough to make you smile, a small bit of laughter echoing off the walls of your tiny room. Although darkness still clung to him, still twisted tightly around your Force energy, he remained the man you loved.

Both Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader alike.

“Tell me,” he groaned, shoving his knee up gently and fitting it right at the seam of your pants.

It almost didn’t feel fair how he knew your body so well—how he knew which way to move you to finally hear that familiar moan tumble past your lips. Grinding your hips down, your head fell back against the wall when pressure was finally applied to your throbbing clit, sending sparks down your spine. You knew he watched every emotion, expression, and heard every sound behind that helmet and somehow…that made it even more electric.

“Tell me,” he demanded, hand going back to your throat and keeping you in place as his other one guided your hips along his thigh.

Fuck, you were still clothed and felt like you would fall apart at any moment.

“I—” Moaning, your hands scrambled for purchase along his chest. “I love you.”

Placing pressure on your throat he shoved pressed his thigh upwards, watching your eyes flutter shut, a high-pitched gasp escaping you as you finally broke. Light flooded his senses, nearly breaking his stance, but the sight of you writhing in his grasp—whimpers falling from your lips was too addicting for him to let go of. They say that the dark side made one greedy; desperate for whatever they wanted, and in this moment he was prepared to take and take until you had nothing left to give.

He knew you’d let him. You would give him whatever he asked for.

“Anaki—” He cut you off, dragging you along his thigh again and watching as your face twisted. Both pain and pleasure collided as you were shoved into overstimulation.

“Again,” he said, moving his hand from your hip to your pants—helping you yank them off until the leather of his glove slid through your hot slick. “I want to see you do it again.”

“Oh fuck.”

Gasping for air, you dug your teeth into your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood as he ruthlessly began to toy with your clit. He knew exactly what to do to shove you right on that edge again and perhaps that’s what flung you over it. Or maybe it was him shoving the same words back into your own mind until it echoed over and over again.

I love you.

Sith didn’t care about things like love, but Anakin Skywalker was never truly a Sith just as he was never truly a Jedi.

He was stuck in between—crossing the border of want and need.

“I can’t.” A cry ripped from you as his other hand moved down from your neck to your chest, rubbing a thumb over your nipple. “I—Anakin I can’t.”

He chuckled, the sound menacing even to you. “Yes you can.”

This wasn’t a question—it was a choice of when you’d finally give in. The pressure in your body built, the coil twisting as he continued to rub sharp circles on your clit. When your legs began to shake and your vision became blurry from tears, you knew you were right there on the very edge of shattering, but you couldn’t. Not until he joined you on that edge—relenting his power to give you some of your own.

“Say it,” you begged, eyes screwing shut as he sunk two fingers into you right to the knuckle—his thumb continuing. “Say it for me. Please I need—I need to—”

“I love you.”

The words sounded foreign coming from his modulator, but you knew this was Anakin speaking not the twisted side of him that fed off of pain. He’d finally ripped free from the cage he was put in, leeching off the light coming from you with glee. He may not have meant the words entirely, but they did what you both intended them to do.

Sobbing his name, you felt the pressure snap in two flooding your body with a white-hot pleasure. You could hear his fingers as they continued to pump into you, rubbing against the spot along your walls that made your legs shake and tears flow down your cheeks.

“That’s it,” he muttered, hand going around your neck to hold you in place as you practically grinded on his hand—the pleasure still coursing through your veins.

You were lost to it. Mind numb to everything else but him standing before you.

It took you a few minutes to catch your breath and gain feeling in your limbs again and he waited. Gave you a chance to breathe as he fought against the impatience that trickled into his veins—a quality that was unnatural to him. Once you were finally able to open your eyes, sighing in contentment, you focused on his mind—allowing yourself a chance to see inside of it. As always it was inner turmoil that had you flinching, but right now all you saw were memories of you and him. The same ones he played over and over again while he was away from you.

“And here I thought you never missed me while you were away,” you said, lips curving into a smile sweet enough to taste.

“I don’t miss you.” He leaned closer, hand reaching down to cup your swollen cunt. “I miss this.”

Words like that should have stung, but you knew him better than that. You knew why he said the things he said. So you smiled wider, dragging his arm up until his hand was in front of your face, the black leather shiny with your cum. Twining your Force signature around him until he couldn’t escape, you sucked his fingers into your mouth, moaning at the taste of yourself. He didn’t expect you to give in so easily—usually enjoying the fight you put him through. But tonight you’d settle for this so you could gain more.

“We’ll see about that,” you whispered, kissing his palm and dropping his arm.

You wanted him to give over the control he ached for; wanted to watch as the last of his residual armor came crashing down around you. Only one person would be able to say they brought Darth Vader down to their knees and it was you. His light, his moon, his lover.

Pushing his leg away, you pressed your hands on his chest, wishing you could once again feel the strong heartbeat beneath his skin. The steady thrum of it put you to sleep on long nights when you snuck away from the Jedi Temple, but for now you’d have to settle for the rhythmic timing of his breaths as they echoed around the room.

Without another thought, you dropped to your knees in front of him—his body keeping you caged in along the wall. You figured he already knew what you were going to do, if the way he widened his stance told you anything. His hand cupped the back of your neck, tilting your gaze back towards him. It was the gentle nature of his touch that sent heat spilling into your heart. Anakin flared to life right before your eyes with every passing minute.

Undoing his belt, you allowed yourself a moment to admire what lay beneath the leather. What he always drew your attention away from. The skin was burnt, scarred beyond anything you’d ever seen before, but that never mattered to you. He stood stiff, his other hand pressed against the wall, helmet focused on you. Almost like he was unsure of what would happen.

Would you not care? Or would what remained not be what you wanted?

“Oh…” you gasped when he was finally free.

He was scarred there too, you’d felt it before. Except you weren’t shocked by that; no you were surprised by how worked up he was. The glossy sheen of precum building up at the tip practically dripped down your palm as you held him—begging for you to taste. Leaning forward, you took the head of his cock into your mouth, the guttural moan he let out sending a flare of heat through your body.

“Is this for me?” you asked sweetly, knowing it would only succeed in riling him up even more.

He grunted, his hand pushing you forward until his cock was once more back in your mouth. Although you didn’t mind in the slightest. Not when his addicting salty tang spread on your tongue the longer you sucked on the head. He was shameless with the sounds he made. Entirely focused on his pleasure, but you felt the way he softly rubbed his thumb along your neck, sending goosebumps down your skin.

“Take me deeper,” he said, already knowing you were heading that way anyways. “I know you can.”

You moaned when he hit the back of your throat, his hips thrusting forward slightly until you gagged. That alone only made him do it again. Pressing against the firm line that stood between the both of you. He wouldn’t make you do anything you didn’t want—as long as you gave him control. Something you were more than okay with handing over.

It’s not like you had any semblance of it before he became Darth Vader. Anakin had always been one to take what he deemed he deserved. Except when it came to you, he always gave you the choice. Even now as your nose brushed the base of his cock, your throat squeezing him so tight his whole body shuddered, you still held the choice.

You sucked in a breath when he pulled away, tears streaming down your cheeks and spit covering your chin. Part of you wanted to keep going—to feel him spill down your throat—but you knew that wasn’t what he was here for. Dragging you up, he pressed the cold shell of his helmet against your forehead, hands grasping your hips tightly.

“I need—” He cut himself off, a loud breath reverberating through his modulator.

For the first time that night you felt it. The small flicker of blue in his otherwise black Force signature. Only in moments like this, when his desperation practically permeated the air, did you find your Anakin.

The only thing stronger than Palpatine’s hold over him had always been the love he felt for you—that was clear to you now.

“I know,” you murmured, leading him back and watching as he sat on your bed. His large frame practically took up the entire room. He spread his legs, allowing you to step between them, but you had a different plan altogether.

Clambering onto his lap, you held yourself up as you positioned his cock at your entrance. Your slick practically pooled over him, making it easier for you to take him in one thrust. But rather than rush this, you held yourself there. Hovering over his needy and wanting cock—making him wait for the one thing he so desperately needed. The blue flickered again, vibrating through you and forcing a gasp from your lungs.

You longed to pull it closer until it enveloped you entirely; til you suffocated from its light. But whatever remained was now small and fleeting, only seen in moments like this. His grasp turned harsh, impatient. Letting you know that he only had so much left in him before he took back the small sliver of control he allotted you.

Your whole body shook as you finally lowered yourself, feeling the stretch of his cock sliding into your cunt. A growl ripped from his chest, his hands pressing you down further and watching in delight as your head fell back, a garbled shout echoing off the walls. You went dizzy with the delicious mixture of pain and pleasure. It rushed through you, setting each nerve in your body alight with a burning fire.

Which only made everything shine brighter.

Light flooded his senses, your Force signature practically bleeding out into the room. And he took it. He swallowed it whole in his never ending darkness with the hope that you were never extinguished.

“More,” you gasped, fingers digging into the leather that covered his shoulder.

He shoved his hips upward, grinding against you and tearing a sound from your chest that seared into his mind instantly. You were a wanton mess. Barely hanging on to the person you were thirty minutes ago—before he came back into your life. Instead there you were. The lover who fed off of his darkness; who took what the Jedi Order claimed was forbidden and begged for more.

“Maker—fuck—I-I’m oh fuck—” You made no sense, but that’s the way he wanted you. An incoherent babbling mess that rode his cock to chase that feeling only he could bring you.

Lifting yourself up slightly, you dropped back down haphazardly, hating the emptiness that came with his cock slipping out of you. A sound tore through his modulator, his hands tightening on your hips as you set a brutal pace. He groaned when your walls tightened around him, the sound of your skin slapping against the leather of his pants echoing in the room. If you listened closely you could hear the wet squelch of your slick as he set his own pace, pounding into you without abandon.

“Please, Anakin please,” you cried, unsure of what you were begging for.

He seemed to know though.

Without a response, his hand wrapped around your throat, pressing down tightly as he thrusted upwards even harder. The lack of oxygen seemed to only heighten the sensation you chased—pleasure building up to an almost painful degree in your body.

He bent you to his will, guiding your body in a way that felt familiar. You didn’t have to think when he was here, didn't need to focus your energy on any of this, because he did it for you. His gloved thumb pressed against your lips until you opened up with ease, sucking his finger into your mouth with a moan. It gave you a chance to take in a deep breath before he clamped down tight around your throat again. Turning your vision hazy.

“Good,” he muttered, pulling the spit slicked finger from your mouth. Only to press it firmly against your clit.

Your body arched, a broken cry falling from your lips as tears streamed down your face. It was too much, yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to ask him to stop. You didn’t want him to. The pleasure nearly blinded you with each thrust of his cock into your dripping cunt. But what made you fall wasn’t the feeling of him finally striking against the spot that made your body curl in on itself.

No, it was the image he projected in your mind.

“That’s what you like huh,” Anakin’s voice grunted in your head, his blue eyes just as bright as before.

You sobbed out a garbled yes, eyes rolling back. The image continued. A bright blue light wrapped itself around you, nearly burning you from the inside out as he pinched your clit between his fingers. And you chased it; grabbed onto the sensation tightly and let it fill your chest until you swore your heart stopped beating.

“I want you to cum. Let me see my pussy drip for me,” he spit, dragging you closer until you were pressed so tight it nearly hurt.

“Don’t,” you gasped, shoving the image of Anakin away from your mind, eyes focusing on the empty soulless black mask he wore. His hand let up slightly, allowing you breath to speak. “I want to see you. Not him.”

Warmth spread through your chest when his hips stuttered, a groan reverberating against your breast. You wished you could kiss him. Feel the hot press of his lips on yours, but this—feeling him thrust into you quickly—was enough. His hand tightened again as his cock drove up into you harshly, hitting right where you needed to fly off the edge. Your mouth fell open, a broken sob making its way through as the all encompassing heat you so desired began to spill through your body.

A snarl ripped through your very being when he finally joined you, spurting into your swollen cunt and filling you until you leaked around the base of him. Except he didn’t stop. He pushed forward, thrusting into you until pain filtered through the pleasure. Once more you were shoved into that bliss, drowning in it with no way out.

Sobbing his name, you felt your body shake as he finally ceased his movements, allowing you to sag against him. The energy was completely depleted from you and he knew it. Which is why he didn’t move. Simply breathed deeply, his softening cock still deep in you, causing you to moan slightly at every soft twitch.

“How long until you have to go?” you sighed, your fingers tracing random shapes against his armor.

“Soon.”

“Will you come back?”

You knew you wouldn’t receive an answer. You never did, because even he didn’t know when Palpatine would finally release him again from his grasp. He let out a breath, his hands cupping your ass as he molded you to him. The blue light still flickered amidst the darkness, turning his once bleak Force signature a brilliant midnight color. And for a moment you saw the real him. The man who lay beyond the layers of his armor.

Laying a kiss against the cold shell of his mask, you allowed yourself a moment to be enveloped by him. The darkness would return eventually, wiping away the man who sat beneath you. But for now, he was here and he was yours.

Smiling, you pressed against it with your own, feeling him shudder beneath you. It was like looking at the night sky—a sight you wanted to keep until you were left alone once more. Curling around his body, you allowed sleep to finally overtake you, your mind soothed by the soft touch of the Force he pressed against you.

Only then did you realize.

In the small space of your home, beneath the strain of a galaxy under siege, your Anakin finally found his way home again.

#darth vader x f!reader #darth vader x reader #darth vader x you #darth vader x y/n #darth vader smut #darth vader #anakin skywalker x f!reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker smut #star wars fic #my writing

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minhosimthings · 4 months

Text

Right here

Symphony smut series Day 12: Staind's "Right Here"

Lyric:But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting.

Pairings: idol!bf!Hyunjin × idol!fem!reader

Warnings: SMUT MINORS DNI, unprotected sex (highly not recommended), rough sex, dirty talk, breeding kink, mentions of pregnancy, Hyunjin be filling reader up, dom!Hyunjin, sub!reader, oral (f recieving), swearing, teasing tehehehehe

A/N: alright so there are 6 more to go in order to end this series yayyy so I might not update in a while after this cause classes I'm busy and all that shit so enjoy this for the meantime.

THE SYMPHONY SMUT SERIES MASTERLIST

It would have never have worked. The relationship would never have worked. Or atleast that's what they told you. Different groups, with you being a soloist, and different schedules, it would have been hell.

But still love perseveres and you somehow managed to celebrate your five year anniversary with your boyfriend, Hyunjin, over the phone, when you were in Korea while he was stuck somewhere in Japan.

"Wait Jisung did what now?" You laughed, the sound of your laughter making Hyunjin's heart break even more at the thought of being away from you.

"Yeah he actually kissed Minho hyung on the neck. And hyung's heartbeat literally tore the ceiling." Hyunjin chuckled, admiring your face from his phone. He could have cried right there and then, sobbed out his heart at how much he wanted to smell your scent again.

But he didn't have to, because little did you know-

There'd be a surprise waiting at your doorstep the next day.

You gasped as hyunjin pulled away and began to nibble and lick at your neck and ear, and you let youd hands fall from his neck down to his shoulders, feeling his muscles move under your fingers as he moved to the other side of your neck. He lifted his leg and pushed his knee in between your two thighs, applying pressure in just the right spot. He groaned when you started to grind against him, and he gripped your hip tightly to help her move. "Need to get this off you, need to see you", he murmured into your neck as he pushed his hand up your side, the hoodie going with it. He pulled away from from your and sat up, letting the blanket fall off his back. He pulled the hoodie all the way up, and you lifted your arms to help him get it off. It was quickly discarded onto the floor, and you felt yourself blush as he stared at you. "You look even better than when I left", he chuckled in disbelief as he settled his hands on your waist. He gently rubbed your skin as he leaned back down to kiss you. The kiss was brief as he sat back up again and pulled his flannel off, followed by his t-shirt, throwing them onto the hoodie.

"Hyunjin...."

"Yeah Sweetheart?" He smiled as you touched his stomach with both of your hands, feeling his warmth and strength. He was solid. He took one of your hands and kissed your palm before interlocking his fingers with yours and leaning back to kiss your again, holding your hand above your head on the armrest of the couch behind you. He pressed his shirtless body onto your as your opened your mouth and let him in. He moved his body up and down yours, letting you feel how turned on he was behind his jeans. As you kissed, he let go of your hand and snaked his arm behind your back, undoing your bra clasp with ease. He pulled your bra away from you and started to kiss down your neck and collar bone, making his way down to your right nipple. He sucked it into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, groaning as you gripped his hair tightly with on hand and his shoulder with the other.

Hyunjin tucked two hands beneath your armpits and practically threw you on the bed, before wedging his knee between your thighs and urging them apart. He knelt down and started kissing towards where you wanted him most, and already he could see how wet you were.

“Hurry up,” you whined.

“Someone’s impatient tonight,” Hyunjin retorted. “Am I allowed to warm you up? Or do you just want to get straight to it?”

Hyunjin wasn’t interested in taking it slow tonight, being hard since he turned up at your door, and hugged your crying figure still feeling pent up despite being freed from his sweats, his dick bobbing uncomfortably between his thighs. He licked a stripe up your vulva, his tongue flat and getting every inch of your pussy till he reached your clit where he wrapped his lips around it and gently sucked. Your back arched on the bed, one hand going straight to his hair as your orgasm quickly built. It honestly didn’t take much for Hyunjin, he knew how your body worked even better than you did, and the way his lips sucked on your clit always had you almost passing out when you came. Your pussy clenched around nothing as he started flicking his tongue against you.

"Hyunjinnnn,” you dragged his name out as you felt your orgasm start to hit. He wrapped his mouth around your clit again and marveled in the way your body convulsed under him as you rode out your orgasm.

Once you came down, Hyunjin climbed up the bed and grabbed your hand on the way, hauling you on top of him. He wasted no time in lining himself up with you and pulling you down, throwing his head back in a groan as your pussy enveloped him.

As you started to bounce your ass up and down, your hips moving expertly on his cock, Hyunjin pulled you down to kiss you, but then moved his mouth to whisper in your ear. “I've missed this pussy so much..”

"Only my pussy?" You retorted, rasing a brow at him.

"Don't be a brat, you missed this dick too." Hyunjin growled at you.

"Not that much. I could have found someone else."

“Want me to mark ypu up then? Show the world whose you are? ” he asked, surely making marks in your skin as he began to thrust hard into you.

One — “maybe show the world what they're missing?” two — “moan for me baby. Think about what it’d be like to have someone else under you instead of me?” three — “yeah, that’s it.” four, five — “louder.” six, seven, eight — “good girl.”

He started to thrust, pressing your back harder against the matress. He brought his lips back to your making your bottom lip between his teeth. You whimpered as he bit down lightly, his thrusts getting more rough as he went.

"Hyunjin!" You scream out in pleasure, Sam has you spread out on the bed. He's hovering over you while his dick pumps inside you fast. Your whole body is twitching, he's been at this for what feels like hours.

"Feel so good" you whimper, your body is still shaking it won't stop. Hyunjin brings his hand down to your clit, he rubs it and you scream. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." You squeeze your eyes tight, your body shaking worse than before, you feel a gush and you lay on the bed unable to think.

Hyunjin leans down and kisses you, he rests his forehead against yours. He must be close because his breathing is hitched and his pace is uneven. "I love how you fall apart for me, how you look when I'm making you feel good, how you feel around me, I love you." He kisses you again quickly. "I'm gonna cum in you okay? Fill my girl up." He says in between breaths. You just nod your head. "Good girl" He praises you again.

Hyunjin soon fills you up, you moan at the warm substance filling your insides. He lets out a loud moan followed by small grunts as he rocks his hips back and forth slowly. Hyunjin stays in you for a few seconds not able to move.

Hyunjin pulls out and lays next to you. He wraps his arms around you bringing you closer to him. You sigh with content and curl up with him, he always makes you feel so safe and warm. After a few minutes of laying there you feel Hyunjin getting up, you must've dozed off. He came back into the room with clean clothes and a cloth to clean you up.

Hyunjin should have been worried, what with all the filling you up and fucking without protection. Maybe you would get pregnant, he'd like that, he thought, to see you all swollen up with his baby, his only.

Oh he wasn't ever leaving you again.

Taglist: @ramenoil @mynameisniya150 @demigodmahash + whoever wants to be tagged, send an ask my way!

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sebscore · 1 year

Note

please write about the gzd doing twitch streams! she would have the most entertaining ones i think. she react to different grill the grid videos and funny f1 videos too.

GLASS HALF FULL KINDA GAL

pairings: f1 grid x driver!reader

warnings: swearing. drunk reader.

author's note: someone asked for gzd to do some streaming! I know it's not twitch, but i'm quite happy with the way this turned out! X

masterlist

• • • • • • •

''Hello, everyone! I am here again, gracing you with my presence!'' Y/N greeted the thousands of people tuning into her Instagram live.

She waved at the camera. ''I hope everyone had a great day or is about to have a great day, depends on where you live,'' she grinned, ''I'm here to live out my influencer life and unbox a package that has been delivered to me.''

Y/N grabbed the box from next to her so it was more visible on the screen. ''My good friend, Daniel Ricciardo sent me a box of his new wine collection,'' she showed the large logo to everyone, holding the box close to the camera, ''and I'm gonna try it out now.''

The young driver opens the package and picks out one of the three identical wine bottles. ''So this is called 'DR3 the Third Cabernet Sauvignon' and it was made in the South of Australia.'' She read the label out loud, an impressed look on her face.

Y/N held the wine bottle up in front of her phone as if she were a Youtuber showing their viewers the make-up product they were using. ''Very, very pretty.''

She took the corkscrew that she had quickly grasped before starting the live and easily opened the bottle. ''This isn't my first time at the rodeo, guys.'' Y/N chuckled as she saw fans commenting about how she opened the bottle with ease.

''Okay, let's taste this baby!'' Filling her glass with wine, she was excited to try Daniel's new wine.

The young woman made several comedic attempts at seeming like a professional wine expert; smelling the drink and spinning her glass around.

''Cheers, everyone!'' She tapped her glass against the screen of her phone.

Y/N took a big sip from the wine, letting out a big ''Ah'' at the end. ''I love this! Holy Moly, Danny Ric!'' She drank from her glass again, immediately filling it up again. ''I'm a fan!''

She glanced at the comments, seeing a certain Australian man camping in there. ''Danny! You're here! I just drank it, it's amazing!''

| danielricciardo that's some fine wine

| danielricciardo happy you like it 💙

| danielricciardo say hi to me, pls

| danielricciardo HI Y/N!!

''Hi, Daniel! I miss you, haven't seen you in a while.'' Y/N pouted, waving to the camera. ''You better be there in Melbourne! It won't be the same otherwise.'' She said, trying to come across as threatening.

| danielricciardo will be there 😎

| danielricciardo miss you too

| landonorris you're drinking again?

Y/N rolled her eyes at the entrance of the Brit. ''Fuck off, Lando. People who have won a Grand Prix get to drink on a livestream.'' She teased him, a smirk on her face.

| landonorris okay, that is mean

| landonorris drink then i guess

Before she knew it, her once full glass was empty again. ''Let's fill you up, eh?'' She cringed as the words left her mouth. ''Ew- that sounds disgusting. Forget I said that.''

''Dan, good thing you put three bottles in here- I'm really enjoying myself and these babies.'' The 'babies' being the wine bottles.

| alex_albon a Y/N drunk live? don't want to miss that

''Albono!'' She greeted Alex, excitedly. ''Where is Lily, though? I want her here.''

| alex_albon my presence isn't good enough for you? 😒

''No, your presence is not good enough.'' Y/N bluntly answered, grinning from ear to ear.

She scratched her voice. ''Am I drinking this too fast? My glass is almost done and I refilled it like 2 minutes ago.'' The driver observed her glass, frowning when she saw it was almost empty again.

| danielricciardo yes, you are drinking too fast

| landonorris no, you're not

| landonorris drink faster

| landonorris I can drink way faster 😌

''Norris, are you challenging me?'' She raised her eyebrow at the camera as if she was looking at Lando in real life. ''Accepted, Rumple.''

| alex_albon this is a disaster waiting to happen

| lilymhe you look lonely, Y/N 😏💋

''Lily! My wife is here, guys!'' Y/N yells as soon as she saw Lily's comment. ''I do look lonely,'' she smirked, ''I bet you can fix that.''

| alex_albon STOP IT

| alex_albon ENOUGH

| lilymhe wait for me ❤️❤️❤️

''Alex, you stop it with the jealousy! Never let someone's boyfriend stop you from finding your wife, guys!'' She told the viewers as if she was a teacher telling her students about an important subject.

Y/N took another big gulp from her wine, leaving it empty. ''Should I just drink from the bottle, cause I don't plan on stopping soon.'' She showed said bottle to the viewers as if they could talk back to her.

''Oh, fuck it.'' She put her glass away and started drinking from the bottle itself.

| danielricciardo CALM DOWN

| georgerussell63 You worry me sometimes.

''Go away, Russell George!'' Y/N exclaimed, waving her hand at the camera. ''You only drink tea, you're not allowed to judge me.''

''I'm just joking, you can stay.'' The pretend annoyed look on her face was replaced for a genuine smile. ''As long as you don't judge me, you British tall glass of water.'' The driver quickly added with a teasing grin.

| georgerussell63 I have to go.

| georgerussell63 I have to make tea 😉

| landonorris BYE GEORGE 👋👋👋👋

''Anyway,'' Y/N gave the camera a sassy look, ''we should turn this into a Q&A! If you have questions for me- please leave them in the comments!'' She loudly clapped her hands together, scaring herself at the loud sound.

| user1 Y/N, are you drunk yet?

''No, I'm not drunk,'' the woman answered, ''I have a very high alcohol tolerance!''

| landonorris she doesn't

| danielricciardo No, you really don't

| pierregasly you were on the floor after one pastis 😅

''Shut up and when did Pierre get here?'' Y/N shook her head at her colleagues' comments. ''Gasly, you don't know what you're talking about.'' She dismissed his reply, despite knowing he's telling the truth.

| user2 there's something behind you

Y/N's eyes widened at the comment, slowly looking behind her. ''Dude- fuck off! Don't say stuff like that! I don't have a ghost in my house!'' She put her hand on her heart, feeling the rapid beating underneath her palm.

''It would be cool to have one, though.'' She thought deeply. ''Like, I would be less lonely and we could keep each other company… I hope they're like, cool, like not a serial killer, you know? Or a child- UGH! Please, don't let it be a child! I like kids, but I don't want to have one and especially not a ghost one.''

| landonorris who is youre favourite driver? 🤭

| georgerussell63 It is 'your', Lando.

| alex_albon your*

| landonorris don't you have drivers to hit?

''My favourite driver? Well, Lando, that's an excellent question! My answer is Lewis Hamilton! My favourite McLaren driver of all time.'' She smiled evilly.

| landonorris 😑

| danielricciardo excuse me

| danielricciardo that's my wine you are drinking 😤

''Danny, you're my second favourite! And my bottle is almost done so you can see that I'm really appreciating the wine.'' Y/N defended her answer, once again showing the bottle to the camera.

| user3 How old are you?

''I'm 23!'' She replied, excitedly. ''That's also the amount of brain cells Lando has, funny enough.''

| landonorris meanie

| landonorris I don't want to be your friend anymore 😢

''Wait- we were friends to begin with? Oh, Lando…'' Y/N dramatically shook her head, sighing in feigned disappointment as if she were a teacher upset with her student. ''You have so much to learn about the real world.''

''Also, now that we're on the topic of the real world,'' she started off speaking about the new thought that had somehow found its way into her head, ''Pluto.''

''Like, I feel so bad for them. They were just chilling, you know? And then on one tragic day, they were just kicked out - as if they were nothing. I wonder how they're doing these days. I was heartbroken when I received the news. The solar system hasn't been the same without them.'' She bumped her fist on her chest and pointed at the sky, shouting Pluto out.

| danielricciardo pls stop drinking

| danielricciardo you're doing it again

| user4 WHY IS SHE TALKING ABOUT PLUTO BEING KICKED OUT OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM HELP

| user5 SHES SO DRUNK OMFG

''That second bottle is looking very sexy right now, I can't lie.'' Y/N eyed the second bottle in the wine box, pursing her lips.

| alex_albon Y/N NO!

| pierregasly dude, you're on live 😂😂😂

| user6 DONT DRINK MORE

''You know when you tell a child that they shouldn't do something, but it makes them want to do it even more? Yeah, that is what's happening right now.'' The driver chuckled, grabbing the bottle out of the box and opening it with the corkscrew.

''I already know I'm going to regret this, but frankly, I don't give a shit.'' And with that she took a large gulp of the wine.

| user7 do you want to become world champion this year?

Y/N gave the camera a side-eye as she read the question out loud. ''I mean… isn't that kinda the point? HA! No, I'm just doing all of this for funsies.''

''But Max will probably win this year again… I'm gonna try to not let that happen, but that Red Bull… it's too good.'' She sighed, getting more real thinking about the season.

''You know… maybe the real World Championship is the friends we made along the way.''

| charles_leclerc oh, you are really drunk 😂

| pierregasly I told you, charlito

| zhouguanyu24 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

| landonorris someone needs to hack her account and stop this

''Please, don't hack my account.'' Y/N said in a monotone voice. ''Am I acting bad or something? I'm just answering questions, Lando.''

| nicorosberg Hello, Y/N! 👋

''BRITNEY!'' The young woman exclaimed as she noticed the former driver's comment. ''You know how this shit works? Damn, what can't Nico Rosberg do?''

''You're still my favourite Monaco-based Youtuber, by the way.'' She winked at the camera, pretending it is the German she's winking at. ''I can't believe I have a World Champion watching my Instagram live.''

''You really are a legend for 2016, Brit.''

| nicorosberg Thank you!

| danielricciardo I think it's time to log off, Y/N…

| user8 NOT HER TALKING TO NICO LIKE THAT 😭😭

| user9 Y/N PLS TALK ABOUT BROCEDES WE KNOW YOU GOT THE TEA ☕️☕️

| user10 lewis and seb watching this : 👁👄👁

''Gentlemen, a short view back to the past-''

THE LIVE HAS ENDED

taglist :: @starsanova @missskid @missthem @rosesintj @evans-dejong @thehistoryone @dreamycloudsworld @alonsogirlie @muushmeg @topguncultleader @the-great-adventures-of-me @love13tter @xcharlottemikaelsonx @kiwisa @starkwlkr @nora_moon @princesselle2111 @valluvsu @thatsadsmallchild @babyyoda89 @milkbreadforlife @fxllfaiiry @hc-dutch @its-ash-not-grey @princessbetsy123 @mehrmonga @nyenye @screechingtrashkid @ahnneyong @holybatflapexpert @itsnotgray @beautycinders @rowansshit @uhhevie @revengze @nylaslife @majx00 @multi-universe21 @jaydensluv @isasalom @gentlemonsterjennie1 @appledashhh @breathinfive @lighttsoutlewis @champomiel @ooooohmicky @koufaxx @flannelforthetoads

@mysticfalls01 @ghostcorazon @mango-bear @totally-random-person @youkissedareaderinthedark @phoenix-luv @hamilton-mount @calcaneous @aurora-maria @idkiwantchocolatee @anonymous-platypus1

#f1 fic #f1 fics #f1 x reader #daniel ricciardo x reader #alex albon x reader #lando norris x reader #george russell x reader #f1 x you #f1 imagines #female f1 driver #formula 1 fic #f1 oc #f1 x y/n #formula one fics #formula 1 oc

3K notes · View notes

elliespeach · 1 year

Text

the air that i breathe | ellie williams

˗ˏˋ "because i can make it quick, or i could make it so much worse." ´ˎ˗

synopsis: a camping trip you and ellie embark on takes a devastating turn. with you in the hands of raiders ellie's sanity is brought to her breaking point and she will stop at nohting to get you back. wordcount: 8.3k + warnings: 18+ ellie n readers headspace is very dark!! depression, panic attacks, horrible desperation, and lots of trauma responses that are vividly described. graphic depictions of violence, kidnapping, reader is confined in a cell by chains, food/water deprivation, hallucinations, torture (reader by raiders, ellie to the raiders) ellie is basically santa barabra ellie but multiply it by thirty n reader is like trapped in the dark so i think that counts as claustrophobia. this fic can b very triggering so pls take the tags seriously!! different povs (ellie n reader) they are seperated for most of this fic, theres some fluff in their dreams but thats truly as soft as it gets author note: pls pls read me!! this story came to me randomly, its not a traditional fic in my eyes but i hope u guys like it nonetheless!! the name comes from the show bridgerton, one of violets lines towards her husband and i was like THAT is true love so here we are :) theres a lot of in game elements to this story on ellie's part so i hope i did that justice :)) i'm a lil nervous to post this im ngl so pls be kind and lmk if yall like it plsssss i beg of u i wanna make this a multi part fic esp w the way it ends so any feedback will be appreciated!! ily guys enjoy

ellie’s pov

– three days after the kidnapping

the first thing ellie hears is the low, familiar voices of joel and tommy. as their mumbled conversation rings through her ears, her head throbs. a groan escapes her lips, bringing her hand up weakly to rub it as if it would help. ellie opened her eyes slowly, the pain intensifying from the sun shining through the windows. her vision came to focus, looking around it was the infirmary in jackson. she was laid down in one of the beds and when her eyes landed on joel and tommy, they looked at her sympathetically.

joel took small steps toward her, barely able to make eye contact. “how ya feelin’ kiddo?” he asked, painfully sitting himself down at the end of her bed. ellie wasn’t able to read him clearly, and then she started thinking. why am i in this bed? her mind raced and it must’ve been obvious to her company because joel spoke again. “it’s gonna be okay.”

she frantically searched through her foggy mind, everything was so blurry and out of order. she thought of you. the only thing that came to the front of her mind with ease. the camping trip, she thought to herself. she saw you in her head, all bundled up in the sleeping bag and wearing ellie’s shirt. her lips began to curl at the ends before she realized you weren’t here by her bedside. she remembers leaving the tent that night, for what reason she doesn’t know, but you stayed behind, cuddled up in the sleeping bag.

thats when– your scream. it echoed in her head, taunting her. the quiet forest that surrounded the two of you amplified your terrified scream and ellie’s face grimaced at the memory. she knows she ran to you, why was i so far away from you? her brain was waking up and with it, horrible images flashed in front of her. the tent that had been cut open, the rusty old pick-up truck, the men that had you in their grasp, the last glance ellie had of you before the bud of a gun was slammed into her head. it all came flooding back in an instant.

ellie looked up at joel, tears brimming over her eyes. she spoke in a low voice, but despite the tears that fought to fall, her tone was flat. “where is she?”

joel was quick to answer, “we’ve been tracking them–”

“how long have i been out?” she boomed, trying to sit up but her brain pounded against her skull, forcing her back down in the bed. joel moved up, sitting closer to her but couldn’t find the words, his heart ached for ellie. he looked to tommy with a solemn expression, and his little brother stepped forward.

“it’s been three days, ellie,” tommy vocalized softly. “we’re doin’ all we can, i promise.”

“obviously it’s not fucking enough!” ellie shouted, pinching the bridge of her nose and shutting her eyes tight. you came to mind when she did, usually she pictures you happily; picking a flower and tucking in her hair, taking a nap on ellie’s couch with your head in her lap, posing while she drew you. you were the spitting image of innocence in her mind. but as her eyes shut now, all she could see was the absolutely heart-wrenching image of your face as you were thrown into the truck.

her eyes opened almost immediately, unable to see it even for a second longer. her cheeks became wet as the tears poured out of her, her breathing became erratic and she clutched her chest. joel was quick to comfort her but it only did so little. “we-we have to fi-find her,” ellie managed to speak through panicked breaths, feeling her chest about to burst.

the pain in her head was nothing compared to this, and it almost felt non-existent in the face of you being gone. being with them. whoever they are, whatever they want with you. they should have taken me. it should have been me. it should have been me. it should hav–

“ellie, breath–” joel cooed next to her, rubbing her back and removing her from her thoughts. “we’ll find her.”

“i’m co-coming with you,” her chest was still heaving and she felt like she’d never breathe right again. not until you were standing next to her.

tommy sighed, barely audible over ellie’s apparent panic-attack. “you’re on bed rest, kid. i’m sorry. but we will bring her back to you.”

his words felt like daggers and she was quick to respond. “if you think for one sec–”

“it’s not up for discussion, ellie.” joel interjected, his voice was soft but stern. and ellie scoffed through the tears, looking at joel harshly.

before ellie could spew a rant to him, tommy spoke, “we think they’re on the border of utah. were going tomorrow at first light and when we come back she will too. okay?”

ellie’s thoughts were a jumbled mess, and as her breathing became somewhat normal she was able to think. play it cool. “o-okay,” let them think i won’t go anywhere. “my head r-really hurts. gonna sleep for now,” she mumbled, pulling the blanket up and over her head. she laid with her back turned to them and she felt the bed move beside her. joel and tommy mumbled another string of words to each other before ellie heard the door creek open.

“rest up, kiddo. she’s gonna be okay.” joel said to her sympathetically and ellie remained quiet under her covers, plotting her escape.

she slept for another few hours. she knew she had to wait until night time anyway, there was no use in staying awake and plaguing her thoughts with what is happening to you. but as she slept her mind played horrible tricks on her, she dreamt of saving you that night. brutally slaying the men who had dared to even think about touching you, their blood stained her dreams but at the end of it you were in her arms.

when she woke up alone, her reality came crashing back down. it forced her to sit up, ignoring her head that was killing her slowly. there was no night time infirmary nurse and she knew now was her only opportunity to sneak away. the clock on the pale blue walls read one in the morning, jackson was asleep. the only people she would need to avoid were night patrols, and the guards around the armory.

she hauled herself out of bed, her feet dragging on the cold floor and she located her bag. her clothes from the camping trip were tucked inside and she quickly changed. ellie tried to picture the men’s faces, and all that came to her were figures whisking you away. she decided it was best to not think about it, but it was a lot easier said than done and she found herself shaking her head frequently to rid the images from her mind.

slipping out of the infirmary was easy, a small house on the corner of a dead end street. the streetlamps had been turned off by now, saving power and ellie easily made her way towards the armory. she approached in a crouch, hiding behind a bush in the shadows. she watched as the guards were laughing, telling stories and all around not paying attention. the armory was a larger building near the stables, the guards were circled around a makeshift booth at the front.

sneaking to the side of the building she tugged open a window and crawled inside. she loaded herself with her usual rifle that she took on patrols. taking it down from the wall she stared at it for too long, remembering the day she taught you how to shoot.

“all you have to do is point, aim and–”

“if you say point, aim and fire one more time.” you laughed at her, your attention shifting between the gun and ellie.

“i’m just trying to help you, pumpkin.”

instead of making her feel soft and warm, the memory made her go cold. she couldn’t place you, your face was a cloudy mess in her mind but your voice rang true. her eyes glossed over, hearing your laugh in her head and all she could think of what she would do to these people once she found them. in a haze she stuffed supplies in her bag, a surplus of ammo for her rifle and pistol and then some. she removed her switchblade from her bag and put it in her back pocket for easy access, throwing a trench knife into the backpack just in case.

she was almost back of out the window she came in when she realized the trip was going to be long, and she had no food in her bag whatsoever. sighing, she looked around. the left over food from the guards littered the small counter to the side of the room. sandwiches and nuts and ellie figured it would have to do and before long she was sneaking to her usual spot in the fence.

the walk to it was familiar, she had done it with you a thousand times. it was a loose panel of wood that to the unknowing eye would be a secured fence, but with a gentle tug, it gave way. ellie and you had discovered it one day, and it quickly became your get-a-way whenever one of you wanted to escape the confines of the walls. there was a small over-look just beyond the wall, about a ten minute walk from jackson. ellie had drawn you there with the landscape behind you, the picture is hanging on the wall in her garage and she cherishes it like it was gold.

she pictured you there, trying to remember how peaceful you were to her. like the calm in the storm that was her life. all she could conjure was that night so she dropped it and viciously bit her cheeks with frustration. ellie came to the broken piece of wood, taking a quick look around before pushing it and then herself through the gap. the forest beyond was still and quiet. peaceful almost. putting the board back in place, she turned and headed for the highway.

readers pov

– day of the kidnapping

the last you saw ellie she was falling to the ground as she came up to your campsite. the man who had been hiding behind the tree knocked her out with a swift blow to the head. you cried out, thrashing in the hands of the man who had lifted you from the ground. “fucking let go of me!” you shouted as your world tumbled around you, you fell into the bed of the truck with a hard smack, pain shot up your spine and you groaned, rolling over.

the man jumped up onto the back of the truck, making it wobble with his weight. you crawled backwards instinctively, your eyes darting from him and your motionless girlfriend on the ground yards away. your stomach turned as he pulled his fist back and there was nothing you could do before he brought it down heavily onto your skull and everything went black.

while unconscious, your mind brought you back to ellie’s room. her stereo playing softly as you sat on her bed, watching her read the same book she always did. her eyes scanned the pages as if she had never seen it before. she was laying on her stomach, legs dangling over the side of the bed as she flipped the pages. it was a book about the constellations in the sky and every so often she would show you a page and say it reminded her of you. “this one–” she showed you, a cheeky smile on her face as she turned the book towards you.

“that just looks like lines, els.” you chuckled at her while you examined the page. you never understood her when she spoke about space, but you liked to hear her ramble. her voice was so comforting to you and it always brought you back down to earth.

“no, no, pumpkin, look–” she pointed with her fingers on the page, outlining the stars. “its cassiopeia on her throne. d’ya see it?” her soft green eyes met yours, a hopeful look in them.

you didn’t see it, you just saw lines on a page but ellie’s enthusiasm poured through her and who were you to deny her of it. “yeah, i see it,” you lied, getting closer to get a better look hoping it will just come to you. “why do you say that?”

“dunno,” she shrugged, looking back to the page. “but it says here she was a queen, so i think that’s why.”

her words always left you feeling like the most special person, and to ellie you were. you playfully hit her with a pillow, causing a mildly loud “ow!” from her.

“you’re so fucking cheesy,” you smiled, hitting her again with the pillow. as you brought it down on her she grabbed it. ellie moved quickly and sat on her knees as she struggled to take the pillow from you. she looked down at you, back against the bed and giggling so sweetly. she was able to snatch the pillow, throwing it to the side and leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“you love it, shut up.” her words bounced off your face and she pulled her face down to be directly in front of yours. her eyes stared into yours and you could see just how much she loved you on full display within her green eyes. she leaned in to kiss you and as her lips brushed against yours, the world around you melted away.

you felt cold and you could swear your eyes were open but you couldn’t see anything. you felt around, the ground beneath you was solid and ragged and as you moved you heard the clanking of chains. moving your hands down your legs you sensed the frigid metal that encased your ankle, following the chain with your hands to a bolt in the wall.

the walls had the same texture as the floor and you began to panic. you recounted the last memory you had, ellie laying on the ground. the man punching you in the face. reaching up to touch your sensitive skin, a sharp pain came from your cheek and you gasped. incoherent curses came stringing out of your mouth that quickly turned to yelling. you shouted for ellie, her name bounced off of the walls around you and with every call unanswered the hope inside you diminished. the darkness was over-bearing and you were forced to picture every horrible thing these people could do to you simply just because they could. your voice, that was still begging for ellie, became hoarse. a lump settled in your throat from wailing and you felt sick to your stomach.

you knew none of this was helpful. the screaming, the wailing, but you couldn’t help it. the emotions poured out of you until there was nothing left, ellie could be dead and you were locked up god knows where. you hadn’t even begun to think of why they had taken you, your head was too jambled to think straight. and after what seemed like hours in the black void of your cell, a dim light flickered on and came peeking beneath a door you didn’t even know was there. it illuminated the room just enough to see that cement encased you behind the metal door.

with a click of a lock the door opened and the sudden light hitting your eyes made you jump, shielding your face with your hands. you heard footsteps approach you slowly but stop a few feet away. a cold hand came up to your forearm and you swung, trying to keep whoever this was away from you at all costs. but their cold hands grasped your arms, forcing you to look upon them. the dim overhead light in the next room outlined the man in front of you, you couldn’t make out a face but he was brutish, and he smelled like a campfire.

“don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” the man growled, the taunting in his voice was sinister.

you used all the energy you could to spit in his face and he recoiled, letting go of your arms to wipe his face and he took a step back. “fuck you!” you snarled, spit leaving your mouth with the anger that boiled inside of you.

he chuckled as he wiped the remaining spit from his face, “we could have killed you, ya know?” the man muttered, taking small strides towards the metal door. his hand reached for the wall, turning on an overhead light in your cell. looking around, it seemed to be a basement. you could see stairs past the door to the cement room and as you peered through the door, the man repositioned himself in front of your face.

you didn’t say anything and his head cocked to the side as he knelt in front of you. “but we didn’t, do you know why?” his tone was antagonizing and as your eyes adjusted you could make out his face, a large scar was centered by his nose as if he had been cut. you shook your head at his question, not wanting to speak. also because your throat stung from the previous screaming.

“well,” he looked to the side, using his hands on his knees to hoist himself back up to his feet and he towered over you. “i would have told you but–” he motioned to his face, still glistening from your spit. “maybe tomorrow.” his words were fast, he turned on his heel and headed for the door.

in a panic you lurched forward, arm out and you tried to stop him. your ankle tugging on the chain as you reached for him.“wait, please don’t!” came rushing out of your mouth but it was too late. the light was switched off and as the door shut behind him, you were enveloped in the darkness yet again.

— four days after the kidnapping

the black void of your cell had become never ending. after the man with the scar left, the only time anyone would open the door was to give you as little food as possible. keeping you weak and unable to fight back, but alive just enough to do whatever they had planned. if you had been told you were here for a week you would have believed it, time moves weird in the dark and you never knew what time of the day it was, if they were swerving you breakfast or dinner– you had no idea.

at first you tried to stand, to pace around and get your body moving. after a while it became too repetitive and you fell to your knees, tired and disoriented. you hadn’t moved an inch since, just laying curled up on the floor with your back to the door. the only thing that kept you occupied besides sleeping was reliving memories, playing them over and over again in your head. they were all of ellie, her freckled face and auburn hair and that stupid constellations book.

she was your every waking thought and even slipped her way into your dreams. ellie was the only thing keeping you from going completely insane in the darkness. you could picture her so clearly, but when you thought about her voice it never sounded right. you were only able to hear it in your dreams, but when you woke it slipped away like water in your hands. traceable, but not recognisable. you made it your mission to remember, a small controllable goal in a situation so far out of your hands and it provided a sense of comfort. as much as it could.

you were tracing her name over the cold ground beneath you, whispering it softly as if it was a crime when you drifted off once again. it had become routine and a sure fire way to make sure she was in your dreams, her voice and all. this time your dreams planted you in the memory of watching her favorite movie together, curled up on the couch with your head in her lap and her hands playing in your hair.

“don’t get attached to her,” ellie said casually above you, pointing to the small tv. you groaned, looking up at her and her innocent eyes met yours.

“you spoil every movie, els.” you say with a fake annoyance in your voice, playfully swatting at the hand pointing to the tv.

“i didn’t say what happens to her!” her hands go up defensively, looking down at you in her lap. her face had been speckled with sun freckles from the previous day, leaving it absolutely covered from her chin to her forehead. even her eyebrow slit had a few small dots in it, and you found it hard to be annoyed with her.

turning your attention back to the movie with an unsure mhm, your eyes left hers and for a moment there was silence. and ellie couldn’t help herself, she mumbled, “exceptshetotallygetschoppedinhalf.”

you sprung up, your head leaving her lap, positioning yourself next to her on your knees. swiftly you propelled her down and straddled her torso. dramatic gasps left her mouth and she placed her hands on your hips, looking you up and down. “you’re gonna pay for that, you know,” you said to her, cupping her face with one hand.

“i’m soooo scared, pumpkin” she teased, and as the words left her mouth it was like someone had pressed the mute button. her lips moved, and she was definitely talking but her voice was gone, like it had blown away in the wind. the nickname you cherished so deeply from her inaudible and as you realized this your eyes snapped open. the darkness was back, and ellie was gone, along with her voice.

you tried to cling on to it, but the harder you tried to remember it, the further it went in your mind. if you weren’t so dehydrated, you’d be crying and thrashing around, desperately hoping for her voice to come back to you. but instead being too weak to do anything, you pulled your legs up to your chest and laid in the silence. you didn’t know how long you had been asleep, not that it mattered anyway, but your stomach was feeling emptier than ever before so it must have been a while.

remnants of your dream flashed in your mind and your hand placed itself on your face as ellie had always done, imagining it was her. imagining her coming to save you, her holding you. every thought that consumed you was her. she can’t be dead. you repeat to yourself like your own little mantra. she isn’t dead.

time shifted again and you heard footsteps coming down the stairs beyond the door. the metal door clicked and opened as it always did, but instead of food being thrown at you in the dark, the lightswitch flicked on. your eyes nearly burst from the pain after being in the dark for so long and you covered them with your hands. “ready to talk like a civilized person?” the raspy voice spoke and you removed your hands from your face, squinting your eyes until they adjusted.

you nodded slightly and the man with the scar sighed, “good,” he crouched in front of you and you locked eyes with him, anger filling you up head to toe but you fought against it. “where’d we leave off, huh?”

“w-why you took me,” your voice was small and you realized you hadn’t actually talked in days besides muttering ellie’s name to yourself.

“right!” he exclaimed loudly, making you jump as it echoed off the walls. “you seemed valuable, at least to that girl,” as he acknowledged ellie, your face lit up and you hung on to his words. “so we figured, you’d be a good bargaining chip for food and whatnot.”

the nonchalantness in his voice made your skin crawl and your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him. “and you think giving me back like this will get you what you want?” you asked, your voice slowly returning. the man looked down on you with a smug expression.

“if they want you back alive, yeah. i do. we’re gonna send a party to your town to give them our demands for you,” his finger grazed your leg and you snaked it back. the chains rattled as you did and a chuckle came from him. “we just need to know exactly what you people got.”

worry swirled around inside of you and you knew what ellie would do in this situation, so you remained as strong as you could, picturing her in your mind. “i’m not telling you anything–”

“it’s your choice,” he sighed, reaching into his back pocket. he pulled out a small knife and it was too similar to ellie’s for your liking. “just know you can change your mind at anytime.” with that, his knife pierced your skin and your screams filled the room.

ellie’s pov

— five days after the kidnapping

ellie had been traveling on foot for two days now. her head still ached with the concussion she suffered and her feet felt like they were on fire with every step. everytime she felt like stopping, a foggy image of you would cross her mind and she would keep going. she only stopped when she was practically falling over, hours after the sun had gone down.

by the second day, her legs were giving out on her. she stumbled into the underbrush to the side of the road, falling to her knees and then flat on her stomach. too exhausted to eat and sleep came easy to her. she knew it would only be an hour of sleep but she physically couldn’t go any further tonight. so she embraced sleep, knowing it would only make her nightmares surface yet again.

tonight her nightmare seemed to be a complete recollection of that night. she was in the tent with you and you rambled about a book you had borrowed from dina. ellie was rifling through her backpack, looking for the constellations book. she had promised to show you cassiopeia on her throne in the night sky, but her book wasn’t in her bag. “i fuckin’ packed it,” she said mindlessly, dumping her belongings out onto your sleeping bag.

“it’s okay, we can find it without the book.” you reassured her, a soft smile on your face as you did.

“no, there was– ugh,” she sighed, accepting defeat. you looked at her, a puzzled expression on your face that she couldn’t quite see. “i had something for you, it was in the book.”

“i’m sure whatever it was, i’ll love it when we get back just as much.” you leaned up, planting a delicate kiss on her lips. ellie’s worry washed away and placed a hand to your cheek when you pulled apart.

thats when the silent forest came to life. animals could be heard sprinting between trees, and the birds caulking as they were so rudely woken up by whatever had scared them. ellie’s head turned to the opening in the tent and you grabbed her arm, forcing her to look back to you.

she saw the usual cloudy mess instead of your face, but in her dreams it seemed to be normal. she sat up, rubbing the arm that clutched hers before she spoke. “probably just a runner, i’ll be right back.” she kissed the top of the blur and felt the grip loosen around her arm.

“be quick–” you whispered to her as she left the warm tent into the chill air. ellie looked around the campsite, not seeing anything but the noises of the animals still alarmed her, so she expanded her search.

she had wandered down to the small creek about twenty yards from you, hoping the sound of the rushing water had attracted the infected but there was none in sight and as she turned to make her way back to you, and the night you had planned, your shriek came barreling through the trees.

not hesitating for a second, ellie was running. her fists pumping at her sides like a madman, she didn’t have time to think about what could possibly be tormenting you, but when she bursted into the campsite and her eyes locked on you, thrashing in the grasp of a random man, her heart sank to her stomach. your face was no longer blurred, she could see every detail that made your face so perfect but your terrified expression haunted her and the gun coming down on her head sprung her awake.

the sun hadn’t risen yet and her surroundings were still dark. she pushed herself off the ground, not wanting to go back to sleep until you were next to her. coming from the trees that lined the highway, she kept going. the little rest she got was enough to propel her forward and while she walked her mind wandered. it wasn’t long before the sound of morning birds snapped her out of a haze and as she looked up from her feet she saw a welcome to utah sign. it was still dark, probably the very beginning of the morning and ellie noticed smoke coming from the trees just behind the sign.

not hesitating she moved closer, taking her steps slowly and lowering herself to the ground, she pushed past the trees and saw the makings of a camp. a giant fire roared in the middle of all the people sleeping around it. her eyes landed on the man to the left, furthest from the horses and a picture flashed in her mind. he laid there peacefully, but ellie recognized him as the man who had knocked her out. and suddenly her thoughts halted themselves and her feet moved for her.

knowing she could never take all of them at once, especially as exhausted as she was, ellie decided on a different plan. starting with the woman closest to the horses, she positioned herself right next to her and grabbed the knife she had placed in her pocket. ellie’s hand covered the womans mouth and her eyes opened harshly. without a second thought, she sliced the knife along the neck of the panicked woman.

the fires crackling was enough to mask the sound of her blood gurgling from the wound. the woman grasped at ellie desperately trying to save her own life but her movements soon slowed, her arms falling to her sides. removing her hand, she moved on to the next one. watching as the life drained from him as well as he struggled to alert his friends. ellie had gone glossy eyed, and if she was being honest she wasn’t in full control of her actions. her mind only had one goal, and these people stood in her way. they caused this. they deserve it.

blood spattered onto her face while she glided the switchblade across the neck of the third man, once he had stopped fighting back and his eyes were staring blankly up into the sky ellie locked her own eyes on the final man. the one who had prevented her from saving you, now that it was only him left she stomped over to him. as she approached him, her chest was heaving and blood dripped from her face.

she stood over him for a moment, watching as he slept peacefully. cocking her head to the side, she kicked him harshly in the stomach. immediately he rolled over, clutching his stomach and groaning in pain. ellie drove her foot into his now exposed back and he cried out in pain yet again. despite his pain, the man tried to get away. crawling on his hands and knees as quickly as he could, he only made it a few feet when the sound of ellie’s gun cocking made him stop in his tracks.

“turn around,” ellie grunted, her breathing more heavy than before. the man did as he was told, and as he did his eyes widened at the sight of ellie, covered in blood, sweat and dirt. they wandered past her, looking upon his dead friends and his hands raised to the side of his head.

“take it all–”

“you remember me?” her voice was low, hushed even and as the terrified man studied her face his eyebrows raised slightly, and ellie’s lips threatened to curl at the ends. “yeah, you remember me.”

the man remained quiet in his realization and ellie’s gaze directed itself at the paper poking out from his pocket. the fire illuminated the camp just enough to see it was a map and she motioned her gun towards it, “you’re gonna show me exactly where she is.” her voice was flat but firm.

“i can’t do that–” his voice trembled and his words were cut off by ellie moving closer to him, her gun now directly in his face.

“you don’t have a fucking choice!” she shouted, ripping the map from his pocket while her gun remained closely trained on him. she laid it flat on the ground, crouching down to his level and staring him down. he shook his head feverishly, terrified of ellie but even more concerned about her finding their base. while he refused to speak, she had grown tired of waiting and with her available hand took her switchblade and dug it deeply into his thigh and twisted with all her strength.

he wailed, losing balance on his knees and falling to his side. ellie removed the knife, wiping it clean on her jeans before lowering her head to him. “you’d better start fucking talking.”

the gun was still pointed to his face and he looked at her with disdain, “i’m fucking dead anyway why would i tell you anything.” he said breathlessly, trying to cover the hole in his leg with his hands and failing miserably.

“because i can make it quick,” she twirled her switchblade in her fingers, grazing it over his cheeks as he winced back. “or i could make it so much worse.”

“fuck you!” he spat with all his might and ellie dug her knife into his arm, sliding it down while it tore open his flesh. his screams filled the woods around them and in a desperate attempt to save his life, he reached for her gun.

it pointed up and ellie fired at the sudden scramble. the man tackled her to the ground, pinning her down and fighting to take the gun from her hand. in the tussle, her switchblade fell from her grasp and landed a few feet away. in a panic she fought for the gun, kneeing the man in the stomach as hard as she could but he remained firm on top of her. her free hand swung up, knocking him on the head and his grip on the gun loosened. as she yanked it back, it slipped from her own hands and fell to the ground. while he was stunned from her punch, ellie managed to throw him off of her. she rolled around, looking on the ground for her gun but it blended in so well with the dirt and sticks she couldn’t see it.

taking a quick look back to the man, he had picked up a rather large rock and tried smashing it down on her head. ellie moved, nearly missing having her head bashed in and she noticed her blade glistening in the now rising sun. she army crawled as the man grasped at her legs to pull her back. her fingers fiddled with the handle before she was able to firmly wrap her hand around it. as she did, the man dragged her back towards him and while he tried to position himself on top of her, ellie plunged the switchblade deep into his chest. the crunch of it piercing his sternum confirmed it was a deadly hit and she watched as he lost any hope to stay alive.

his mouth hung open in shock, looking down to the puncture wound and his hands went to grasp around it. his legs straddled ellie’s torso, allowing the blood that poured from it to fall directly onto her. the man coughed and instead of spit, blood spewed from his mouth staining his teeth in the process before he fell over beside her. ellie didn’t move, her breathing erratic from the fight.

the man gurgled on his own blood for a moment before it got quiet again, the woods silent as ever except for her heaving breaths. her hands fell to her sides and she gazed up to the sky, the stars still burning brightly above the trees. all of her exhaustion hit her at once like a truck and she fought to keep her eyes from closing. right before she thought sleep would consume her and she would have to relive her worst nightmare all over again, she saw the makings of a constellation. at first, it wasn’t recognizable, just another clump of stars in the galaxy. but when it clicked in her mind, she propped herself up on her elbows and the tiredness melted away. it was cassiopeia.

that was everything she needed. ellie got up with a new surge of energy, taking the map with her and anything else she could find useful. she strode away from the grim scene on their horse, following the map to the first exit off the utah highway. with the horse, the rest of the journey seemed like light work. it was only an hour before she spotted the fences to the community.

tying the horse to a hidden tree for a get-away, she circled the small town. the fence was chain linked and she watched inside as the town woke up to start their day. ellie was able to see that only a small amount of people woke up this early, leaving the streets barely occupied.

staying in the shadows, she slipped under the fence that was poorly secured. she found herself in between two small houses, ellie could make out mumbled words from the street so she moved up, making sure to stay as close to the wall of the house as possible.

“....hopefully they will come back with the stuff by tomorrow.” a woman's voice could be heard, ellie dared not to peek around the corner and listened further to their conversation.

“we don’t even know if they have anything, we could be chasing a dead end.” ellie’s eyebrows furrowed as the second voice spoke. she figured they were talking about the group she had slaughtered, but could jackson be the dead end they were speaking about? is that why they wanted you?

“just gotta hope for the best, i guess.” the woman spoke again before her footsteps could be heard walking away. ellie’s body tensed up, quickly her mind showed her the haunting image of your face and she shook her head, focusing her eyes around the corner. she caught a glimpse of the woman walking down the sidewalk, leaving the man to stand in front of the house alone. he was reading a note intensely and ellie took a look around to make sure her coast was clear.

she came up behind him, swiftly covering his mouth and dragging him back between the houses for cover. she ripped the note from his hands and used the bandana that had been around his head to cover his mouth and threw him to the ground. while she examined the note, her pistol was focused on him keeping him in place.

residents be advised that your council is doing all they can to provide for you. we are currently bartering with a town in wyoming for food, and unlike last time, we are sure they will be more than happy to provide.

ellie balled up the paper in her fists, scoffing and throwing it beside the man. “the girl, where is she?” ellie hissed at him, keeping her voice low. he mumbled through the bandana and she rolled her eyes. “don’t fucking scream, you can make it out of this.” she said before pulling the bandana down.

the mans eyes were wide with fear as he looked upon ellie, but he spoke fast and quietly while darting his eyes between her and the gun. “i don’t know about a girl, i really don’t plea–”

ellie shook her head before snatching his wrist in her hand, bending his finger back and he winced. “okay, okay okay,” he rushed out, feeling his finger about to snap. “our hunters, they came back a few days ago with something they wouldn’t tell anyone about,” he paused, looking at ellie and her grip loosened.

“keep talking.” she ordered him and he stammered his words, trying to desperately abide by her rules.

“usually they bring the meat to the kitchen but-but they parked the truck outside of our leaders house, said it was nothing but it didn-didn’t look like nothin’.”

ellie moved the gun into his neck, nuzzling it right below his ear and his breathing hitched up. “where?”

“go left do-down the street, the truck is old you can’t miss it!” ellie knew the truck all too well and without another word she removed the gun from his neck and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“thanks–” ellie whispered as her switchblade lodged itself in his neck. he didn’t scream, just looked at her wide-eyed as he tried to stop his neck from bleeding. ellie didn’t wait around, his blood still bubbling as she walked away, turning left down the street.

she was careful, she moved down the street hiding behind cars, bushes and whatever else she could find. when she was starting to think the man had given her bad information, the truck came into view. it was parked blissfully in the driveway of a quaint looking house. she found herself climbing through an open window on the first floor, escaping the street and its peering eyes. ellie landed in the living room of the house, it wasn’t decorated, the walls were blank and the furniture looked like it was rotting away.

that's when she heard voices coming from upstairs, she almost ascended the stairs herself but the voices were coming closer. she hid behind the dusty couch as the stairs creaked and found herself in the company of two men who had no idea she was eavesdropping.

“we already sent the group, why do you need more from her?” the raspy voice uttered, a hint of annoyance laced in his tone.

ellie heard a long sigh, “because they could become our primary suppliers. as long as we have her, they will give us whatever we want. for as long as we want.” the second man spoke with a heavy country accent and her blood boiled, she stopped herself from jumping the two, instead listening for more information.

“she wasn’t very forthcoming the first time–”

his voice was cut off, “well fuckin’ make her. i told you whatever it takes.” another sigh filled her ears, and she wasn’t sure who had done it but feet were stomping away and she glanced around the couch. she witnessed a bald man opening a door down a dark hallway, while the man who had the accent went back upstairs. her brain was split, but she knew they wouldn’t have kept you upstairs so she followed the bald man with the raspy voice, opening the door silently and descending the stairs that were behind it.

the end of the staircase opened up to a dimly lit basement, it was unfinished and dirty. she caught a glance at a metal door at the opposite end of the room before turning her attention back to the bald man, who was crouching down beside a workbench. it was lined with tools, but ellie knew what they were for. so as fast as she could, she approached him. he was barely able to turn around before she tackled him to the ground. the man was big but being caught off guard helped ellie as her hands gripped around his neck.

she put all of her body weight into his neck, he was choking and failing his arms around at ellie. it didn’t phase her, even when he had slapped her across the face in his panic. her face was contorting with all the exertion and she stared down at him, never breaking eye contact. a scar was slashed across his face and she recognized this as the man who had thrown you into the truck, the image coming to her clearly. his eyes were bulging from their sockets and his legs were kicking with a passion but as ellie came to this realization she jerked her hands down, the applied pressure breaking his neck under her hands and he immediately went limp.

in a cloudy haze she stood up, catching her breath and looking around for a key. she practically threw everything off of the workbench in front of her and when she didn’t find it she moved back to the man on the floor. she dug through his pockets and her fingers found a small metal key.

she walked towards the metal door slowly. now that she was here, she was terrified of what she would see behind the door. she put the key into the lock and turned, earning a click. she breathed out all the air in her lungs before pushing it open and her heart was beating faster than she had ever known possible. the room was dark, and seemed empty. the light from the other room allowed her to see a small switch on the wall and she flicked it on, now fearing you werent even here.

but you were. the light came on and your hands flew to your face shielding your eyes. ellie’s eyes immediately brimmed with tears seeing you. she took a step forward, taking off her backpack and laying it on the ground beside her. you were so obviously injured, puncture wounds up and down your legs with dried blood surrounding them. the chain around your ankle had almost embedded itself in your skin, resulting in a horrible looking bruise that had worked its way up your leg. ellie breathlessly said your name, tears falling from her eyes and your hands moved from your face slowly.

your eyes weren’t adjusted, you just saw a blurry figure in front of you but you could have sworn you heard her voice. the voice that had escaped you every time you tried to hold on to it, and you thought your brain was playing a cruel prank. “please don’t,” you uttered quietly, fearing she was the man with the scar coming back to torture you more.

ellie dropped to her knees in front of you, looking at your battered body not able to form words. they had broken you, and she blamed herself. anger brewed inside of her but in this moment, she remained soft spoken. “it’s me,” she whispered, reaching her hand out to touch your leg which you snaked away, still not believing she was actually there. you believed you were so desperate to see her, to hear her, that she materialized out of thin air. but that meant you were truly losing your sanity and you could barely look at her.

“its not you–” you said back to her, looking to the floor and ellie’s eyes shut tightly to hold back anymore tears. you had backed up all the way to the wall, leaving ellie in the center of the room. she slowly moved to you as you watched her from your peripheral view.

she came up in front of you, “it’s me, pumpkin,” and placed a hand to your shallow cheek as she always had done.

feeling her warm hands on your face, you met her eyes. her warmth couldn’t be your imagination and your own eyes welled up as she dragged her thumb carelessly across your cheek. her appearance didn’t even phase you, all you cared about was her. “ellie,” you sighed, shutting your eyes and placing your hand on top of hers that cupped your face. “you’re actually here?” your voice was small and faint, and it felt like ellie was stabbed in the heart.

the blur that ruined her memories of you was gone. even the image of you being whisked away was gone. she scanned your still perfect face, it’s only faults being sunken in from hunger and bruising that littered your cheeks but it was still perfection to her. she felt more relief than she had when she killed the man in the woods, and the bald man that still laid a few feet away. you were here in front of her, finally. ellie couldn’t help but smile at you, all her efforts hadn’t been in vain.

“i’m actually here,” she repeated to you, connecting your foreheads together. “i found you.”

ellie leaned back, inches from your face. her voice rang in your ears and you felt like you were floating with every word that came from her mouth after missing it for so long. you managed a smile for her. she was so close to you that you had barely seen the figure towering over her from behind, your mouth began to form her name to warn her but it was too late. the figure smashed ellie over the head and she fell unconscious beside you.

#ellie williams #ellie williams fic #ellie williams x you #ellie williams angst #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams fanfiction #biblically accurate ellie williams #angst angst angst #ellie williams the last of us part 2 #santa barbra ellie

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sweetestdesire · 7 months

Text

IT'S ONLY A GAME

WARNINGS: hair pulling, extreme domination, mentions of alcohol consumption, sex while under the influence, etc. 18+ readers only

PAIRING(S): Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: in which Fem!Reader finally breaks Quinn Hughes winning streak.

"What the hell, Quinn? You've humiliated me again!" Y/N shoved her hair over her shoulder and threw a glance at the Scrabble board, shaking her head in confusion at the defeat she'd just received. She turned her attention back to Quinn who sat across from her at the dining table lounging in his chair.

Quinn gave her a smug look that should have annoyed her, but all it did was encourage a smile. Every hour that passed by had her appreciating his company more and more.

"How did you do that?" Y/N asked.

He raised his hands in mock surrender. "It's not my fault. I kept trying to dumb myself down to give you a chance, but I just can't sink that far."

Y/N felt a laugh building inside her even as she scowled at him. "I guess I don't have anyone to blame but myself.” She said. "You don't look very smart so it gave me a false sense of security."

The sound of Quinn’s deep laughter drifted toward her as she reached across the table to pack up the game. They'd shifted back and forth between trading teasing insults and flirting all night, but it had reached the point now where she didn't even realise she was doing it anymore.

"Smartass. You have a surprisingly quick mouth for someone who looks so sweet."

Y/N sent him a smile as she swept the tiles from the board. "That's one of the things men usually like most about me." She didn't know whether it was the buzz from the wine that had her saying things she wouldn't normally say or the fact that Quinn had just proven to be easy company.

Y/N lifted her gaze with the intention of continuing on, but her eyes met his and a sudden shock of awareness passed between them that made her heart trip. Quinn maintained the connection, patiently watching her, and a feeling of longing came over her the likes of which she'd never experienced before. The entire moment only lasted a couple of seconds, but it was enough to stir a flurry of butterflies in her stomach.

Quinn leaned forward to help pack away the game, his movements dispersing the strange mood that had settled over them. "Why's that?" He asked.

"Why's what?" She had no idea how he could act like nothing had happened when she could barely string two words together.

"Why do men like your mouth?" Quinn raised his brows, appearing entertained by the new direction the conversation had headed. "What do you do with it that keeps them coming back for more?"

A flood of erotic images washed over her and the words that had flowed freely all night faltered. While she pictured what she could do to him with her mouth, Y/N took her time placing the rest of the Scrabble contents in the box, hoping if she stalled long enough he'd move on to a different subject and her heart would stop thumping so hard.

Unfortunately, the sound of his low chuckle told her otherwise. She glanced up to catch him looking at her again, his smile helping to ease the sudden tension.

Y/N narrowed her eyes and flicked one of the Scrabble tiles at him. "Stop teasing me."

Quinn blocked her attack and grinned. "I can't help it. You're cute when you blush."

"People always call me cute.” Y/N said. "I'm not cute."

"I disagree. Besides, you're other things, too." He pushed his chair back and stood, nodding in the direction of the kitchen. "Let's grab the other bottle of wine and I'll humiliate you on the Wii next."

Y/N shoved her chair away from the table. She wasn't sure if the teasing would bother her coming from anyone else, but from Quinn it seemed to work like a strange kind of foreplay. She stood and collected their empty glasses, her bare feet padding across the wood floor as she followed behind him.

“So, what other things am I?" Y/N asked as she wandered into the kitchen. She knew the question probably made her sound needy, but she couldn't let it go now he'd brought it up.

"I’d say…” Quinn grabbed the red wine from the counter and glanced at her while he opened the bottle. "Intelligent?" He popped the cork and gestured to her for the glasses.

Y/N held one out for him to fill. "Any chance you could, you know... sound a bit more confident about that?"

Quinn chuckled as he tipped the bottle. "Okay, intelligent-minus-the-question-mark. You're also funny."

"Thanks." She smiled.

Wine splashed from the mouth of the bottle, his fingers wrapping around hers to steady the glass. She couldn't tell if the move had been intentional, but the look they'd shared earlier now paled in comparison to his touch. Her hand tingled where it met his and she had to fight the impulse to move in closer.

Y/N offered him the remaining glass and he released his hold on her to fill it. Once he'd set the bottle on the counter, he took his drink from her outstretched hand and their eyes met over their wine glasses while they sipped.

She'd discovered over the past several hours that she loved looking at him. Although her glances had mostly been fleeting, each time she checked him out she found something new to appreciate. Her pulse skipped as she took in the thick lashes fringing his eyes and the layer of scruff on his jaw. When he lowered his glass her attention drifted to his lips, the temptation to lean in and sample them almost getting the better of her.

"Another thing.” Quinn said, appearing as if he was trying not to smile. "I don't know if it's just the alcohol talking, but I think you're... what's the word? Sexy." He barely gave her time to let that comment sink in before he walked away.

Y/N’s gaze trailed after him as he left the kitchen. She knew his comment about the alcohol was meant to encourage a laugh from her, but she couldn't find a laugh in her right now. The sound of his deep voice calling her sexy had goosebumps spreading over her. She downed a couple more mouthfuls of wine, closing her eyes while she swallowed.

There was no denying how much she wanted him. Y/N guessed after his descriptions of her and those breath-stealing moments they'd shared, it wasn't too much of a stretch to assume he felt the same way. The only question now was whether or not she wanted to make the first move or leave it up to him.

Y/N opened her eyes again, figuring the only way to decide was to follow him. Her movements stopped when she noticed him standing in the living room doorway with an amused look on his face.

"Yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and add weird to that list.” Quinn said.

The scowl she sent him lost its impact because she was trying not to smile. Y/N strode toward him to prove to both of them that his teasing had no effect on her, but when she went to sidle past him he blocked her entry into the other room.

"I forgot to mention my favorite thing about you.” Quinn said, stepping up to her and backing her against the doorframe. He'd moved in close enough that his chest almost touched hers and with his height advantage, he loomed over her.

"What's that?" Y/N asked. Warmth filled her cheeks as she gazed up at him. His gaze moved from her eyes to her lips.

"Everything you're thinking is right there on your face." Quinn gave her a knowing smile then turned and wandered away.

"Okay, that's it for me." Y/N felt like tossing her controller across the room, but she let it tumble to the floor instead.

She'd always considered herself to be a good sport, but after two straight losses on Mario Kart to add to her earlier defeats, her patience had worn thin. She glanced at Quinn who sat beside her nestled among the colorful cushions on the bright red couch.

"You weren't too bad in that last race.” Quinn said. "You almost took me on a couple of corners."

"Thanks, but it's pretty clear I suck."

He reached out to rest his controller on the coffee table. "Let me guess. That's another thing men like about you."

Y/N smirked and bumped her shoulder against his. Quinn leaned back against the couch and took hold of her hand, turning its palm upward and resting it against the hard muscle of his thigh. He stroked her sensitive skin, trailing his finger round and round. The swirling motion mesmerized her and had the tiny hairs rising on her forearms.

They'd been leading up to this moment all night. Now it was finally here her stomach fluttered in anticipation. Y/N wanted him to break the tension with one of his jokes, but he kept his attention on their joined hands.

"I remember the first time I met you.” Quinn said, sparing her a quick glance. "It was the day of Jack’s eighteenth birthday. We were blowing up balloons for his party and I kept getting distracted because I couldn't stop looking at your mouth."

Y/N smiled as she remembered how hectic that afternoon had been, so much so that she hadn't even noticed his interest. "You were thinking about kissing me?"

"No, I was picturing it wrapped around my cock."

Their eyes met and she burst out laughing. Quinn chuckled and curled his hand around hers, dragging her over to straddle his lap. Her knees parted and settled either side of him, her chest close enough to his that she could feel the heat radiating from his body. The feel of his strong thighs filling the space between her legs made her heart pound.

Quinn clasped her face in his palms, his gaze travelling over her. The humor of the moment faded and Y/N held her breath as he looked from her eyes to her lips.

“Are you picturing my mouth on your cock now?" She asked. Her voice had taken on a husky tone; she guessed it wouldn't be too long before words failed her entirely.

"No." His thumbs swept over her temples and one side of his mouth quirked. "I'm thinking about kissing you."

The change in mood fascinated her. One minute he'd had her laughing and now she found herself unable to look away from him, drawn in by the tenderness in his eyes.

Quinn cupped the back of her neck and urged her closer, pulling her in until her mouth leveled with his. Y/N clasped his shoulders and drank in every detail, thankful they'd reached the point now where she could look as much as she wanted and no longer had to satisfy herself with stolen glances.

Quinn gave her a slight smile then touched his mouth to hers. He began kissing her slowly, his lips soft and warm as he eased her into the moment. Her fingers threaded into his hair and her eyes drifted closed so she could savor the sensations.

Y/N had thought about this moment over and over but now he'd finally made a move she realised none of her fantasies could match up to the real thing. He tasted her with languid nips and sweeping caresses, his gentleness surprising her. He flattened his palm against her spine, his lips so thorough that the care he took with her left her breathless.

The kiss went on and she felt his hand slide upward to grab a fistful of her hair. The combination of his soft mouth and forceful grip had her whimpering. Quinn coaxed her lips open further and delved inside. Y/N let out a harsh breath through her nose and thrust her tongue against his. He kissed her for long, lazy minutes, his hands keeping her still while his mouth aroused her beyond bearing.

Y/N broke the connection just when it was getting interesting, her breaths coming hard as she moved her lips to his throat. She trailed soft pecks along his jawline and nibbled at his earlobe. The sound of his low groan made her smile.

“I should be holding back and making this harder for you since you've won every other challenge tonight.” Y/N said softly.

His fingers combed through her hair and he urged her face back up to meet his. "Make it as hard as you want.” Quinn said, pressing a kiss beside her mouth. "I'm in no hurry."

Y/N shifted her weight and discovered the bulge hidden inside his jeans. She rubbed herself slowly against his burgeoning erection, taking pleasure in his soft growl. "Feels like you might be to me."

Quinn moved his hands to her widespread thighs, his palms stroking back and forth. His thumbs slipped between her legs and traced her soft skin. His touch had her mouth parting slightly, a feeling of need taking hold that stole her breath.

The corner of his mouth kicked up as he watched her. "I'm not the one who's squirming."

Y/N wanted to smile and moan at the same time. It amazed her that she could be this turned on when they hadn't done anything more than kiss. She trailed her mouth to his ear, running the tip of her tongue around the outer edge.

“You don't think I could make you squirm?" The urge came over her to tease him to the point of begging just to see how much he could take.

His thumbs swept further up her inner thighs, coming closer and closer to the edge of her panties. Quinn turned his head and caught her mouth again, planting a soft, wet kiss on her.

He pulled away and slipped his hands beneath her dress to caress the smooth curve of her ass. "Do your best and we'll both find out."

Y/N held back a laugh and gripped the hem of her dress. She sent him one last challenging look then pulled the material over her head and tossed it aside. Her hair draped over one shoulder, her chest lifting and falling with a bracing breath.

She'd expected to feel nervous putting herself on display like this for the first time in months, but the way Quinn looked at her, the way his attention lingered on the white lace cradling her breasts and the scrap of pink cotton between her thighs, made her feel cherished and strangely relaxed.

"I need this off.” Y/N said, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.

Quinn leaned forward and helped her remove his shirt then threw it down to join her dress on the floor. His hands came back to her face, cupping her jaw while he gave her a kiss so sensual it had her aching for more. When he finally pulled away, she could barely focus on his features.

"You're so beautiful.” Quinn said, rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs.

A rush of something overwhelmingly sweet spread through her. If he intended for the compliment to get her out of the rest of her clothes it worked.

Y/N reached around to the clasp on her bra at the same moment that Quinn sent his hands on an exploratory mission. The sensation of his palms sliding down to caress her waist had her fingers fumbling in their task.

Quinn let out an amused breath and gave her a peck on her mouth. "See what I mean about cute." His hands nudged hers aside and with one flick he had her bra open.

Y/N wanted to roll her eyes at how easy that had been for him. "You've obviously had some practice with that."

He chuckled and dipped his head, brushing his lips over her throat. "Instructional videos."

Y/N hooked her hair behind her ear and laughed despite herself. She slipped the thin straps down her arms, watching his head lift as she pulled the cups free. The look in his eyes when she bared herself to him made her stomach flip. His palms took the place of her bra and he massaged her breasts, his groan sending a quick shiver through her.

She clasped his face, tilting his chin and crushing her mouth to his to show him the depth of her desire. Quinn plunged his tongue between her lips while he caressed her, his fingers teasing her nipples until he had her hips moving in response. She writhed above him, rubbing herself against his erection.

Quinn broke away from the kiss momentarily, his voice a hoarse whisper beside her mouth. "Can you cum like that?" He asked. She gave him a shallow nod and tried to catch his mouth again, but he pulled back and shook his head. "Do it. I want to watch."

Her breaths came quickly and she bit into her lower lip as her gaze roamed over him. Y/N loved the fire in his eyes, the tightness in his jaw, his broad expanse of bare chest. She wanted to please him in any way she could.

“One condition.” Y/N said raking her fingers through his hair.

Quinn moved his hands to her waist, holding her tight. "Tell me."

She ground down on him, watching his eyes fill with longing. "I want you naked."

Quinn groaned and touched his mouth to hers, his lips still warm and damp from their last kiss. "You, too.” He said.

Y/N didn't need to be told twice. She climbed off him and stood between his widespread knees, hooking her thumbs in the waistband of her bikini panties. She held her breath as she worked them over her hips, pushing until they fell to her ankles. He stared up at her while he dragged down his fly, his gaze hot and intense. She struggled to concentrate, surprised her control had already reached breaking point.

"You have a great body, Y/N."

Oh, God. That didn't help at all. Warmth rushed over her like a physical caress. Her nipples tightened into hard little buds and her legs trembled.

“Thank you.” Y/N said, swallowing as he pushed his jeans and boxers to his knees. His cock appeared and she had to close her eyes for a few seconds just to keep it together. "I like your body, too."

"Is that why your eyes are closed?"

Y/N heard the humor in his voice and opened them again to find him watching her with a tender expression on his face. He'd removed his clothes now and sat before her naked. She couldn't tear her gaze away from him.

“I like your body too much.” She clarified.

"There's no such thing.” He said.

Quinn reached out for her and clasped her hand. He pulled her down to the same position she'd been in moments ago, only this time when her legs parted and settled either side of him, his cock slid along the slick channel of her pussy. With bare skin pressed to bare skin, she felt every inch of him.

Quinn groaned, flattening his palm against her spine to bring her closer. His other hand closed around her breast and he took her nipple into his mouth. Y/N clutched his hair and arched her back. He sucked on her firmly then flicked his tongue over her, kneading her breast with his palm.

Y/N sighed and looked down at him, watching his mouth work. "That feels so fucking good. Please, don't stop."

Her hips glided back and forth, her pussy leaving a wet sheen on his cock. The growl that came from him made her skin prickle. When he moved to her other breast she tightened her grip in his hair, pushing herself closer to deepen the connection. His hot breath washed over her as Quinn drew her nipple into his mouth. She rocked against him, her arousal building as his hardness parted her softness.

Quinn released her and fell back against the couch. He gave a deep groan and slouched in his seat, his hands coming to rest on her thighs. She looked down to see a bead of moisture forming on the head of his cock. Her pussy rubbed against the droplet on her forward slide, slicking it down his shaft on her backward movement.

Quinn gripped her hips, pressing her harder against his erection. His eyes met hers and he blew out a harsh breath. "Fuck."

“Not yet. Looks like I've got you squirming.” Y/N said, sounding a lot more confident than she felt. "Now I want you to beg."

Quinn tipped his head back, his low laugh ending on a groan when she slid forward again. "Do you have any idea how much I like you right now?"

After everything they'd said and done tonight that one simple question brought the blush back to her cheeks. Y/N hid her reaction by kissing him, showing him without words how she felt about him. Her hips kept up their rhythmic glide, her pussy growing wetter by the second. She needed him inside her so much it had built to an ache.

When her lips parted from his, Y/N sat back so he could get the full view of her body, hoping it would help push him to breaking point. "All you have to do is tell me.” She said. "Tell me you want it and I'll slide right down on your big, hard cock."

Y/N knew his competitive side would make him want to wait her out, but she figured she might have the edge on him this time.

"I never had you pegged as a dirty fighter."

She lifted herself off him just far enough so that she had room to slip her hand between their bodies. Her fingers wrapped around his cock. Y/N felt her own dampness along the shaft and his pooling on the head. Her thumb swirled over the tip and she sent him a half-smile. "I'm just using my strengths; that's all."

Y/N remained in her raised position and tilted his cock toward her, rubbing the head against her pussy. She used him to massage her clit, her undulating hips increasing the sensation. He had her so aroused it wouldn't take long to come this way.

Quinn gripped her thighs and his eyes drifted closed. "I could use mine and have you on your back in two seconds flat."

A wave of desire rolled through her. Y/N gasped at the vision and wanted so badly for him to take over, but not just yet. "You won't, though.” She said breathlessly, knowing the answer before she'd even asked the question.

Quinn’s eyes opened to meet hers and he shook his head. Y/N held his shaft to her clit, teasing the swollen bud. She applied more pressure, sliding her slick heat against the head of his cock. Her orgasm came as a surprise when it hit her.

A moan tore from her as the first squeeze of lust tightened her belly. The ache inside her swelled, becoming a rush of tingles that spread through her body. Her gaze locked with his. She watched his jaw clench. Y/N grabbed her breast with her free hand and cried out as her hips jerked. He growled as he watched her fall apart.

"Fuck this.” Quinn said. "You win."

Quinn grasped the back of her neck and pulled her down, kissing her hard as he guided his cock inside her. He plunged into her with one deep thrust, his pelvis lifting to meet her downward glide.

Y/N let out a strangled moan at the intrusion, overwhelmed by the thick heat of him, his fullness. Relief took hold now she finally had him inside her. He gripped her neck and clasped her hip, his mouth bruising hers as they kissed. He lost it completely, but she loved it.

Y/N leaned into him, her breasts nudging his chest, her hands tangled in his hair. His passion left her reeling. He fucked her hard, using her body for his own pleasure just as she'd used his moments ago. She pulled her mouth free and licked her lower lip.

Y/N dragged in air, trembling with pleasure as he groaned beside her cheek. His stubble rasped her skin, only adding to the sensation overload. Quinn loosened his hold on the base of her neck and pushed her back from him with his firm grip. His fingers dug into her hips as he pulled her down hard against each thrust of his cock.

Y/N ground down against him, still feeling the lingering tingles from her climax. She watched the changes in his expression, mesmerised by the intensity in his features. He'd been so laid-back and full of humor all night. Now, his eyes were dark with arousal, his mouth open with the fast breaths coming from him.

Quinn looked her over, his gaze lingering on her breasts as they jolted in time with his thrusts. "Jesus, I can't. Fuck, I can't hold back."

Pleasure rushed through her; she just wanted more and more. Her hand slipped between her thighs and she gave her clit vigorous rubs that had her moaning deep in her throat. Quinn watched her reach behind her body with her other hand, delving beneath her ass to find him. Her fingertips stroked his balls and her touch had him cursing all over again.

Y/N wanted to smile, but she couldn't concentrate on anything other than coming. With her pussy still sensitive from the earlier attention, it didn't take long to reach that point. She bucked her hips against him, chasing her release. It came on her in slow, lazy pulses at first, building to a rolling wave that crashed over her and sucked her under. She kept rubbing and finally cried out, shaking until she thought she'd collapse.

"Come here." Quinn gripped her elbows and dragged her against him, wrapping her up in a hug so tight she couldn't move. She rested her mouth against his throat and kissed him while she caught her breath.

Quinn sank further in his seat for leverage and drove inside her. The forcefulness of his thrusts brought on aftershocks that left her whimpering. He kept going, plunging into her until she knew he couldn't last any longer. Finally, he clutched her body, held her hips against him and came with a groan so deep and guttural it sent shivers rushing over her.

Silence fell between them as the excitement passed. Quinn’s body relaxed beneath her with a sigh, his fingers trailing sweeping caresses down her spine. Y/N let out a long breath and tried to calm her senses. Their bodies meshed with the slick sheen of perspiration and she could still feel herself pulsing around him.

Y/N tried to pull back to look at him, but his arms tightened around her and he held her against his chest. "Don't go.” Quinn said. "I want you right where you are."

Y/N smiled and kissed his neck, tucking her bent arms in against his chest to keep the warmth between them. "I know this probably isn't the right time to mention this, but I finally won a challenge. I just wanted to point that out."

His shoulders moved beneath her in a silent laugh, his head turning so he could place a kiss on her forehead. "I'm assuming we're going with the usual rules. Best of three?"

Y/N writhed against him, moving her hips until he groaned. "I guess that's only fair.” She said.

His arms tightened around her and a laugh burst from Y/N when Quinn rolled her on her back in two seconds flat, just as he'd promised he could.

#quinn hughes #quinn hughes blurb #quinn hughes smut #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes x you #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes x y/n #quinn hughes drabble #quinn hughes fluff #quinn hughes fanfiction #quinn hughes fic #vancouver canucks #quinn hughes x fem!reader #quinn hughes x female Reader

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twistedinthreads · 2 months

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Lost In The Labyrinth

Part 1.

You came to Oxford to get away from America; from your mother's fame and the ghosts of your past. You get more than you bargained for when you meet Felix.

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: sexual content (not explicit but it's there so 18+ MINORS DNI), I used some descriptors for reader such as scars, birthmarks, imperfections, but I made her as inclusive as possible, reader is American, she's also a nepo baby but isn't using her nepotism in any real way. Bi!reader and Felix. fic title inspired by the taylor swift song, of course (and I am terrible at titles!)

Playlist (a work in progress!)

A/N: I am so insecure about this reading back over it omgggg but I'm posting it anyway! Hi friends. I've been working on this for so long, and I'm recovering from my surgery so I figured there's no time like the present. Here we are. I am obsessed with this movie and this man! I promise this fic is gonna get more interesting, but we've got this for now. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist, and feel free to send me asks if you want to talk about reader and her lore, because she is very special to me and I adore her already!!!

Your eyes droop as you hum along to the nameless blonde that stands in front of you, her sparkly pink cocktail dress catching the light and making her glow. She’s going on and on about how Everlasting Eve is her favorite movie of all time, and how your mother is “the greatest actress of our time!” You want to vomit. It’s not like this doesn’t happen, it’s practically a daily occurrence at this point, but you’d much prefer it if people stopped giving so much of a shit. If they did, you wouldn’t be stood with a bottle blonde from Bristol talking your ear off. You’d just stepped out to get some air, for Christ’s sake.

“You’re from the States, right?” You nod, sipping at your cocktail and bouncing from one foot to the other to conserve some warmth in your legs. She asks it as if she hasn’t been talking your ear off and didn’t notice your accent, not as thick as it used to be when you’d lived in New York full time, but still foreign here. The music is less obnoxious out here, bass easing on your chest. It’s cooler, too, the fall night air brushing against your neck like a lover. “That’s brilliant! I went with my parents once, when I was a kid. We went to Disney World.”

You smile and nod, muttering out a “cool” as you sip at your drink, cringing at its strength.

“Is that far from where you live?” She asks, and you wonder how she got into this fucking school. Probably a legacy, with more money than she knows what to do with.

“Uh,” you suppress a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, like… incredibly South of New York.”

“I’ve always wanted to go to New York,” she continues to babble. “My parents go on business trips there, but they’ve never taken me. I want to see where Little Angels was filmed! Uh, Lincoln Square Park?”

“Washington Square Park,” you correct her.

“Yeah!” She snaps her fingers and points. “That’s it! When your mom’s character is waiting there for Hugh Grant’s character, and then they walk off into the sunset together? Absolutely the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen!”

You stare off into the distance vacantly, the night sky painted with different navy hues and dotted with the brushstrokes of stars.

Suddenly, you feel a warm arm around your waist, hot breath on your cheek. “There you are!” You’d know that voice anywhere. The figure kisses you on the cheek and it takes everything in you not to start grinning from ear to ear. You turn, meeting his lips, and he plays along like it’s the most normal thing in the world. “I’m gonna head home, wanna come with?”

You nod, thanking him with your eyes. He winks gently at you and grabs your hand. “Nice talking to you…” you’ve already forgotten her name. Her tone has completely shifted, body stiff as her eyes mull over you and the man that holds your hand with a vice grip.

“Sandra.” It’s cold, but you keep your own voice chipper.

“Sandra! Nice to meet you,” she’s in your college, so you’ll have to be cordial. “See you around?”

She just nods and lights a cigarette.

As you walk away, one of Felix’s hands around your waist and the other holding your own, you look up at him. “Thank you so much. Holy shit. I was about to lose it.”

He lets out a low, intoxicated chuckle. “It’s what I’m here for, darling.” Uses his fingers on your chin, tugging lightly to kiss you hard on the mouth. He pulls away and you chase his lips, planting one more kiss on his mouth, this time softer.

“Your room or mine?” You ask, to be met with a smirk as he grabs your hand and leads you across campus. It’s a path you could walk with your eyes closed, the muscle memory of so many nights embedded into your body by now.

His room is all red carpet and wood paneling, empty takeout containers and beer cans and ashtrays strewn about. His bed is unmade and his textbooks are all over his floor, but it hardly matters when he’s kissing you like you’re the only person in the fucking universe.

Within minutes, you settle back into a familiar routine. Clothes shed, completely bare to one another as you grind and writhe on top of him, hands on his toned chest. He’s gorgeous with his mouth open in ecstasy, labored breaths escaping it, eyes closed and clenched, hands rested on your waist as you move above him, a renaissance painting. You’re moaning too, tempering your whines so that the sounds don’t travel. The moon paints the room in subtle, cool light and the pleasure makes sweat bead on your brows.

“Missed you,” he manages between moans, voice heavy and breathy. “Missed this.”

“It’s been like, two days,” you let out a chuckle, and it fades into a moan as you grind your hips again, trying not to scratch his chest with your manicured nails, though you doubt he'd mind too much.

“And that’s too long,” he replies, and you lean down and kiss him, open mouthed and messy and euphoric.

When it’s all said and done, you lay naked beside him while he smokes a cigarette, arm laced around your bare shoulder, your head rested on his. It’s bliss, something you’ve begun to ache for all the time. “Really, thank you. That girl was driving me fucking insane.”

“That scene where your mom’s character and Hugh Grant ride off into the sunset together? Immaculate.” He mocks the girl, a surprisingly good impersonation, and you both belly laugh. You wipe away bits of red lipstick from his mouth and grin delicately at him. You know you’re not the only girl he’s seeing, not even the only girl he’s fucking, and it wedges something vile and dangerous in your heart. The words linger on your tongue. You want to ask, want to know, and if you sound desperate? Well, so be it.

“What is this?” You wrench the words out quickly, looking at your hands.

“What do you mean?” He takes a long drag of the cigarette, letting the smell perforate the air in the room, turning it cloudy in its wake.

“Us,” you murmur, and he runs a hand through your hair. “Like… I know you’re fucking other people, Felix. And that’s fine but… I just want to be clear on what this.”

He looks at you perplexed, smashing the cigarette in the ash tray and turning on his side toward you. You mirror his motions, so the two of you are laying in bed, you practically on top of him due to its size, your hands under your cheek. “I’m fucking other girls? News to me.”

“I see the way you look at them,” you murmur. “India. Annabel. That guy you study with sometimes… Ryan?”

“I’m not fucking anyone else,” he mutters, seeming almost offended at the notion. He scoffs before his next words. “I practically haven’t even looked at anyone else.”

“Fe-“ he cuts you off, a hand brushing over your cheek, holding it delicately.

“No,” he starts. “I know I have a reputation or whatever,” he waves his free hand around. “But I genuinely haven’t been seeing anyone else since we started… this.” He gestures between the two of you, and you can sense that he's lying, but it hardly matters.

You’re almost self-conscious as his eyes rake over your body; so self aware of every little imperfection, every feature. The birthmark on your hip. The way one tit is just a bit bigger than the other. Your crooked finger from when you broke it playing volleyball in ninth grade. The gray hairs you’d been noticing popping up recently.

“You’re the prettiest fucking girl at this college,” he says your name before kissing you sweetly. “Don’t want to look at anyone else.” You know it’s a lie, considering the fact that he does look at other girls, and often. It’s almost like you can’t bother to care, though. Your head is all floaty and tears are burning your eyes.

He climbs on top of you, kisses down your chest, down your stomach, makes sure to take his time kissing that same birthmark you were so insecure about minutes before, your inner thighs, before finally landing where it matters most.

“So fuckin’ beautiful, yeah?” He looks up at you with those gorgeous eyes, the earnestness in them making your heart swell up. In this moment, it’s not the same Felix that made you cry last week because he told you you needed to get your own friends (you have plenty), or the Felix that ignored you at the pub to talk to Annabel, causing you to storm out and ignore him for three days until he realized.

Sometimes, he doesn’t care if you come, and he doesn’t clean up after himself, and sometimes his words bite, and last week he made that insensitive comment about your friend with depression. But you think you might love him, and it feels like enough.

After, he asks you to stay with him. You laugh languidly, tears brimming at your eyes from how hard. He kisses you, soft and slow, the moonlight seeping into the window and painting the carpet with light; it looks like a lone puddle of blood in a sea of blackness.

When you wake, it’s nearly noon. The sun beams through the curtains and you shield your eyes, trying to move underneath Felix’s strong grip. He’s got a hand wrapped around your thigh. Your leg wrapped around his waist while your arms are, slightly pained from the uncomfortable angle, folded around his neck. You regret moving your face from its spot in his chest, wanting nothing more than to occupy his space for as long as possible.

You can’t bear to wake him, his eyelashes fluttering ever-so-slightly against his face. You smile, tuck yourself back into him, and feel his breaths come out relaxed and steady. The tranquility doesn’t last long, though, and you watch as his eyes flicker open. “Good morning,” his voice is raspy, his saccharine accent accentuating every word with posh sweetness. He kisses your cheek and gets up, your eyes meeting his bare ass. “I should go shower, you cool to stay here?” He asks as he gathers his things.

“I need to go,” you also get up, searching around for your undergarments and your uncomfortable cocktail dress, pulling the blue, beaded garment on without much care. “Sundays are study days with June.”

You slip your uncomfortable heels on, wincing at the blister you’d developed last night but didn’t notice until now, and kiss him on the cheek as you leave his dorm.

The trek across campus has you nearly limping in pain, as you kick your shoes off the second you make it into your room. You gather your shower gear, thankful for your own bathroom and the warmth of a long, hot shower. It’s almost painful to wash his scent off of you, but you know you’ll be seeing him again soon, and let your floral body wash cleanse you and your sore form.

Before you get dressed, you grab antibiotic cream and bandaids from a drawer and tend to your blisters, throwing on a pair of slip-ons to avoid even more pain.

And as you go to study with June, your mind is far from Shakespeare; it rests only on Felix, Felix, Felix.

#felix catton x reader #felix catton #saltburn #saltburn x reader #saltburn smut #felix catton x you #felix catton x y/n #felix catton smut #felix catton fic #saltburn fanfic #saltburn fic #saltburn fanfiction

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scribbledghost · 3 months

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hi baby !! i js rlly have been thirsting for some yautja content n u was the only writer i knew that posts predator contents😭😭 i need sum yautja aaangstt!! like where reader almost dies(just ignore this if its rude or disrespectful 😭😭ps im soorryy)

It's not rude or disrespectful at all!! I've missed my Yautja (especially my boy T'Kua ;; so i'm gonna make this about him hope that's okay) so I'm happy to write some angst for em! (Though. You know me - gotta have a happy ending here)

The Fifth Day

He is used to bloodshed. He is used to injuries, to pain, to broken bodies.

He is used to death.

But not like this.

T'Kua sprints through the streets of Yautja Prime, your body growing heavier in his arms with every step. He screeches at others to move, to get out of his way; as an Elder, he is immediately obeyed.

Stay with me, he commands you in his mind. Do not leave me.

He does not know what has caused you to be in such a state. All he knows is that he arrived home after a lengthy clan meeting to find you unconscious on the floor, your body blazing warm. He hadn't even been aware that you'd felt unwell.

T'Kua barges into the nearest emergency clinic, shouting for help. Healers are quick to arrive, and in his irrational state, he fights them at first when they try to take you from him.

Later when he is standing in the corner, watching a team work on your failing body, he prays.

I beg you, do not take them from me, he pleas to the Black Warrior. It is not their time.

He listens to the head healer chitter vague medical instructions to his subordinates. Something about a fever, an infection, a rapid decline. Something on Yautja Prime that you did not have on Earth, and thus had no defenses against. Once you are properly stabilized, the healer comes to him.

"We have done all we can," he says. "Now, we must wait."

T'Kua is no stranger to waiting. Most hunts largely consist of it; quietly stalking prey, or lying in wait. But, again, this is different. This is no hunt. There is no enemy he can overwhelm and kill.

He cannot protect you here.

Days pass in the same manner: he wakes by your bedside, spends the day waiting for any sign of life from you, then falls into a restless sleep in the same place. The medics assure him that your condition is not deteriorating, but that does little to ease his mind. You may not be getting worse, but you are not getting better, either.

Then, at the dawn of the fifth day, he notices you stir.

It is an almost imperceptible movement - just a slight twitch of your finger. But it is monumental to T'Kua.

It is hope.

He leans forward, softly calling your name in a tongue you are familiar with. You grunt slightly, and he reaches forward and slides a giant paw beneath your hand. Again, he calls your name.

"Come... back to me," he says slowly, your language still somewhat foreign to him.

Just then, your eyebrows pinch together, and you groan as you attempt to open your eyes.

"T'Kua...?" you say, voice raw from disuse.

"Yes," he says quickly. "Is... me. Am... here."

Your eyes open more fully, only to close again against the offending sunlight creeping in through the window.

"...My eyes burn," you croak.

"Fe...ver," T'Kua says.

"Thirsty."

Though he is loathe to leave you, he stands from his perch and grabs a canteen of water from the other side of the room. He gently holds your head in place as he tips it against your lips. The skin on your face shines with sweat.

There is much he wants to say, but he does not want to burden you so soon after waking. So instead, he thumbs away some of the perspiration on your cheek with a gentle touch and grabs your hand again.

A healer on their regular rounds walks into the room, and suddenly the quiet moment is replaced by chaos.

You are soon surrounded, though T'Kua refuses to let go of your hand as the medics take your vitals and do their work. Your fever has broken, but the infection is still present. The staff's leader is confident that this will fade with plenty of time, rest, and fluids, but states that you will still be under their care for a few more days at minimum.

Once the healers have left and silence returns to the space, T'Kua gazes at you.

"What's on your mind?" you ask softly.

"You," he responds. "Was... scared."

T'Kua rarely admits fear, though you are an exception to his rule. You are an exception to many rules.

"I'm okay."

"Now. Many days... not okay."

You do not respond. A hand reaches up and traces along his mandibles before it rests against his jaw.

"I'm sorry I scared you."

T'Kua purrs softly as he closes his eyes and leans into your touch. He runs a hand up your arm, noticing how you shiver slightly as sharp claws trace soft skin.

"Do not... scare... again," he teases lightly as he cracks one eyelid open to peer at you.

You laugh softly, a gentle sound T'Kua wishes to bottle and carry with him until the Black Warrior claims him.

"I'll do my best."

#yautja #yautja x reader #predator #predator x reader #ghost scribbles

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fangswbenefits · 4 months

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getting this off my chest

I really, really love writing for this fandom.

I think I haven't felt like this in years.

Astarion is such an enticing vessel for my creativity and has rekindled my joy for writing and putting it out there.

Alas, imposter syndrome really gnaws at my nerves more often than I care to admit.

"But Ruby, you have so many people who like your work. Why do you doubt yourself?"

Because I grew up being told I was never enough. That I was the worst at what I did best, which back then was learning English and surrounding myself in the language, hence why I sought comfort in fanfiction.

My sister, whom I love dearly, is an English teacher. She would be so harsh on me, and I know she meant well. She really did. But it was so hard back then. I would come to her with creative writing in English and she would just roll her eyes and tell me I wasn't good enough.

Nowadays, she acknowledges that I am more proficient than her and more at ease with the language, and even tells my nephew to study English with me instead.

But back then, I needed someone to believe I could do better.

So, there is a part of me that is proud that I am able to deal with real-life fatigue by writing and finding enjoyment in this hobby. But a much darker part of me tells me I'm not worthy and that I simply got lucky.

The Arrangement means a lot to me. I tend to dive right into fandoms and start writing for the character that caught my eye.

But I couldn't do that for Astarion... I am still unsure why. For those of you who have been here from my Miguel O'Hara days or when I first started posting about Astarion, you'll know The Arrangement was the first thing I ever posted for him.

Took me 2 weeks to get the first chapter out because I kept thinking I couldn't find a voice for Astarion. One that felt like him. After all, I'm always a step behind because I am not a native speaker. There will always be that looming feeling that I can't convey this story properly.

Even if you now know me for my Astarion smut, that wasn't even the driving force of my love for him.

It took me 2 months to feel comfortable writing smut for him. Why? I don't even know.

But The Arrangement feels different.

I love writing it and I love taking my liberties with the plot.

It's my opportunity to fully showcase my love for him.

I know not everyone likes it. I know some of you have dropped it. Some of you will drop it. But some will walk along this path with me, and I can't stress enough how your feedback and love help keep these negative thoughts at bay.

It's an internal work, though. It is not your job to validate my writing skills. This is not what puts food on my table. I am not looking to be published. I am looking for an escape. And it's so frustrating when my mind tries to rob me of joy even when it comes to a hobby.

"If this is a hobby why does it matter what others think or if they like what you write? Just have fun. Write for yourself."

And I do write for myself, but I share my work because I am hopeful my words can make someone's day. I seek that connection I never had growing up. Perhaps it sounds silly, but it's what makes the most sense in my head.

The Arrangement should be my pride and joy even if not perfect (nothing ever is, I suppose). And I'm exhausted of not feeling proud of it. I'm tired of this vicious cycle of self-doubt.

Don't get me wrong. I love writing smut. I think that's what I'm best at (well, in my opinion). I love exploring Astarion this way, too, but...

I don't know where I'm going with this... if anyone has made it this far, thank you, and sorry for the word vomit...

#ruby rambles ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

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quixtrix · 5 months

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rayman, eden's feel good american dream story; an analysis

guess who's back with taking ubisoft's silly guys and cutting them open. yknow, if you strip rayman of his personality, of all the behind the scenes we get of him, we get a run of the mill news reporter that is an immigrant, who by face alone serves as a shining ray of hope. he's easily something that by all means, can be classified as a diversity hire. immigrant, nonhuman (which in the world of clh can be considered to be equated with poc irl), and notably the only one in his work environment. don't believe me?

we rarely ever see anyone other than rayman on the show in the form of a coworker. the only time we do see other eden affiliated people, they are both white. "but you can't see red's face!!" there is a reason his dialogue makes you think of more right leaning people with their claims of 'wokeness is destroying everything' under something like april from tmnt being black and not ginger. he's a caricature meant to represent a specific group of people under fascism; those who have successfully consumed the fearmongering and have let it turn from fear of those that they are told are beneath them into hatred for them. there is also the fact that on live tv he throws up a middle finger, refers to an implied group of immigrant people as 'filthy interdimensional alien scum,' and seemingly gains no backlash for it. yes, the other reporter does try to give red a chance to go back on his words, but he sticks to it. and despite all of this, we get no indication that neither red nor the niji 6 had to apologise or received punishment for this. in fact, red is possibly given more chances by eden due to him being weirdly in charge of bullfrog's containment in a way? (i'm not entirely sure WHY he was there, but as he is one of eden's tv personalities, he's at a possibly televised trial of a terrorist.) now if you compare this to rayman, who also acted inappropriately on tv by literally saying fuck, you'd come to realise that rayman was treated so much more harshly. he was IMMEDIATELY replaced by a clone of himself, with no warning nor any indication that eden would do such a thing. it's very likely this was one of, if not the first time that rayman has slipped up like this on live tv. maybe it's a repeat offence considering his personality, but then you could argue that red is a repeat offender of the same shit and then you have to wonder why a soldier like red was not easily replaced but someone who is the literal face and voice of eden was with ease. it's because rayman made himself more than jus a story, he humanised himself by showing a peek of his raw feelings. remember that cute little exposition of the rayman kids show about hybrids? where we see all of these hybrids working as society's grunts and the kids are told to be thankful for hybrids? it's very sweet and gives a good message! now the rayman kids show is a product of eden propaganda, but rayman very much has a hand in it, most likely as a writer. he uses his platform to speak on issues that has happened and affected him. this can be seen in his biopic.

jus sit with this image for a moment. you ever think about why rayman is specifically made as an alien? why he's specifically an immigrant? in real life news reports and speeches, there is a difference in implications when people use immigrants and not aliens. you wanna know why?

as someone apart of an immigrant family myself, i live in a community of other immigrants. majority of them are hispanic, and while i myself am not hispanic, i am very aware of how hispanic immigrants were referred to and treated by politicians under trump's presidency. how couldn't i? even as children in middle school and elementary, we had discussions about what trump was saying because it directly targets my friends and their families. they are people targeted by a man who specifically uses derogatory terms to dehumanise them, to make it easier to justify in the average american mind that the government is doing the right thing by keeping out and protecting america from these so-called 'invading animals.' makes what red was saying earlier feel very on the nose, right? adi shankar, the showrunner for captain laserhawk, is also an immigrant man. immigrated from india, which by the way, did you know has a lot of people immigrating for the purpose of having a better life? that's a common sentiment that can be found in every single immigrant family's story. i've asked my filipino mother why she took an opportunity to live and work in america, and she told me it's because she wanted to give her children a better life than what we would have had in the philippines. hell, i bet if you share a similar background to me, you can ask your own parents the same thing and get the exact same answer, regardless if you came from latin america or africa, or asia. it's because of the concept of the american dream. everyone who has ever engaged with any degree of immigrant discussion has heard of the american dream. it's a concept that seems to be consistently proven via word of mouth, with the biggest examples being celebrities. they will always, without fail, eventually speak about the american dream within their backstories. and typically, they will use their platforms to further empower others within their community. it's why people from specific ethnicities tend to group together, why people make art meant as something akin to a homage to their people. it provides hope to the masses, makes you relate to the person on the screen, and believe that this society is truly a gracious one by providing opportunity. because yeah, it may be bad, but it could be worse. i mean we appreciate you! just look!

dont mind the fact that the majority of opportunities allotted to you is grunt work, the work where you at the base of the pyramid, with the harder jobs and the jobs no one wants to do. dont mind the fact you will be actively dehumanised, forced to work for hours in conditions we wouldn't put anyone else in, but hey. we appreciate you. we thank you. and yknow, you can become more than what you are. yknow, we let someone just like you be more than what you are! nevermind the fact that if they slip up, they'll be met with MUCH harsher criticism in comparison to someone who isn't you! aren't we so gracious? i probably sound a bit like matpat's insane out of context real world examples, but this show is filled with political imagery, so let me be. anyways, let's get back to eden and rayman. rayman, despite being specifically from dimension x as an alien, keeps hybrids in mind when he's doing his work.

people of colour tend to share solidarity with one another due to the fact that surface wise, we share similar struggles. to grossly oversimplify things, we all face discrimination through our appearances and are oppressed by the rules of a society created by our white oppressors. again, hybrids and dimension x immigrants can be equated to irl poc, and despite being different from each other, there is still community. rayman keeps them in mind, hoping to make things better for the overall nonhuman and nonnative (native as in naturally born) population of eden. but, rayman is not what he believes he is. because despite everything he has worked for, despite what he has tried to do, he is still a facilitator of the fascist regime that has an active hand in the perpetual oppression of his own people. one of the core concepts within fascism is us versus them. it's an easy way to instill fear (which is very much needed in fascism to make it easier to lie to the masses) and it's used in multiple layers, beginning with a large group (ex. us versus ussr, capitalism vs communism), then progressively sizing down (ex. saying all eastern europeans are communist, then going smaller and say all those affiliated with eastern europeans are communist) with the goal being to put people against each other and break up community since if you put your minds together, you'll start to realise that the fascist system is bullshit. what i've personally come to find is that in order to hide the fact that there is fascism lurking is that someone that can be considered a 'them,' an other, will be given a seat at the table. it's so they can be used as an excuse, a human shield, when they inevitably slip up and can be paraded to the masses as proof that the other is not as smart or powerful as 'us.' the 'other' within the 'us' is used as something to look down at, while also justifying to oneself that they have a place, that they are not being oppressed. they have an opportunity as much as anyone else! so long as they don't mess up. rayman messes up, and is shunned from 'us.' hes a mistake, impure, clearly not like 'us,' 'us' who had been so gracious to give this 'other' a place. he's cut out and discarded because he has well worn his purpose, and clearly, they can just get another little puppet. they'll dress him up and make him worthy of being one of 'us,' and make sure that this one won't fall to the fault of his little ideas. which is exactly what leads to rayman's transformation of ramon. being forcibly forced out and discarded by eden because he showed his true ideas makes him realise that there was no real place for him within the system. because what good is his work if it leads to what he tried not to create? it's worthless, just as the system it attempts to thrive in is.

tl;dr, rayman is a representation of the american dream, specifically celebrities. he tries to do what he can with his platform, but the fact is that within a fascist system, his impact is not entirely felt in the way he wants it to. that is why he becomes ramon.

anyways if you reached the end of THIS LONG ASS PIECE GOOD LORD thank you!! always open to discuss this and take criticism, my ask box is open in the lil 'who's asking' :^]

#this was a fucking long one my bad #this is inspired by saji sharma's video on mindy kailing #in the sense that it made a few things click nd well here we are #i'm on my fourth rewatch and yeah #yeah i had to say smth bc i dont think anyone has said shit abt this?#i blame the fact that i believe theres not that many poc doing the lil insane analysis thing i do #which is fine btw #also sorry if i got anything wrong !!#im slightly going off of my own memory sooo #captain laserhawk #rayman #clh rayman #captain laserhawk rayman #all the rayman tags bc idk what to do #character analysis

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kimetsu-no-yaiba-writings · 10 months

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Lol headcanons for Douma and Akaza pregnant demon wives being besties? Like Akaza hated Douma but the wives are like best friends and often go get tea? Like headcanons

The idea of Akaza sat (absolutely fuming) watching his wife having fun with Doma's - both of you laughing and drinking tea like no ones business - all the while, Doma's sat next to him yapping away, genuinely makes me giggle.

Akaza sat there with a face of thunder while Doma's all smiles (≧▽≦) and the wives sat enjoying themselves

Also for those who haven't read the headcanons about the pregnant S/O's both can be found on my masterlist but for ease I've linked them HERE (akaza) and HERE (doma) and while you don't have to technically read them to read this set of headcanons, please give them a read if you want!

I'll be starting with Akaza's reaction first and end on Doma's (^ω^.)

P.S I will be adding more stuff to this later but where i am is currently going through a heat wave and its causing me to melt (T^T) so i'm not running at full capacity

Doma and Akaza's pregnant S/O's being friends - Headcanons:

While Akaza's happy for you (his wife) to have a friend - especially someone who understands on a physical and mental level what its' like being pregnant and is going through the same experiences you are (even if they do differ slightly) - he's just not happy that it's doma he has to hang around with on occasion...

Now, Doma's wife is lovely so Akaza has no problem with her - always respectable towards her (as usually) and she's always a delight to talk too

Plus she's your best friend so it's safe to say that Akaza's always welcoming with her

It's just Doma he has a problem with....

More so than usual..

Always having to tag along when his wife comes over for one of your daily catch-ups especially the further along the both of you are with the pregnancy...

And while akaza understands the need and want to be near his spouse, it had to be fucking doma that was your friends spouse

Your best friend (absolutely lovely) and Doma (her husband) is a combo he hates

Genuinely when its one of your tea "party" meet-ups, Akaza wants to pull his hair out and break Doma's face because he just doesn't shut up - like, at all - once he starts talking

You'd have thought he'd have built up a tolerance for Doma earlier - especially with upper moon meetings and all - but surprisingly he hadn't until now

75/100 Akaza's in protective husband mode

Greatly amused and very happy!

Happy that you - his pregnant wife - have a friend who's going through the same labor of growing a life form inside of you AND it being Akaza's kind wife

Honestly Doma didn't really care who your friends (and their spouses) were until hearing its your bestie and her husband Akaza

The it became a whole other ball game

A game which he absolutely makes the most out of it

Did try to butter-up your bestie to get info on Akaza (for blackmail) but all that happened was they became friends too - Now those two are the one's with all the gossip.... A scarily large amount of gossip...

You see his eyes light up with glee whenever a friend date's been organised cause he knows that Akaza's gonna be there with your friend - at least he's out of your hair for an hour or two even if poor Akaza's the one he's now annoying

God forbid you start making plans in front of him with your bestie

Much like an excited puppy he sits there patiently, listening, waiting for the time to strike to slip in a simple, "Oh why don't you just stay for dinner? Possibly even the night?" - you'd be surprised how many times he's suggested this

There's a 50/50 that he goes off to bother Akaza, ends up in a fight and gets being brought home by your bestie (and akaza) just because you haven't seen her in awhile (and he wanted to bother akaza..)

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staytinyville · 7 months

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OUTLAW (18)

ATEEZ poly!ot8 x Reader

Cowboy AU / Wild West

Series Masterlist

Warning: none.

A/N BETA READ (@mariana-mmtz). Just know I am reading every single one of your comments and reblogs. And I love them so much. Just to let you know. I might add a special shoutout for all of you who made my day with your comments lol.

As the evening was starting to turn dark, the boys had gone back into their roles of being with one another. You could see how at ease they all felt now that they were all together. The four boys who were staying in the city had always been a bit tense. They were worried about their comrades and thus it created a stale environment full of depression. It was clear they fed off each other’s energies. They needed every single one of them in order to be content.

While they knew they were all together, you had noticed one person missing during dinner. The boys didn’t seem to care enough, at least not until they had all finished and Wooyoung noticed how many plates there were to wash.

The boy was mad, stomping around as he made a bowl for the captain. He was about to scold the man until you spoke up, telling him you would take the meal. The boy grumbled to himself, shoving the food into your hands as he went back to cleaning.

There wasn’t anywhere you could knock so you had just called out that you were going to enter the tent. When you got a response, you moved the tarp to the side and passed through. You knew he wasn’t doing anything, seeing as it was just the main tent where they would gather for meetings.

“I brought you a bowl of soup.” You gestured to the plate. “Wooyoung got mad that you didn't come out.”

Hongjoong had been looking over some papers at a desk, glancing up at you. “He'll live.” He hummed. When you set the plate down in front of him, he gave a nod of his head and moved to begin eating. “Thank you.”

You tried not to be nosey and look over the papers he had, so you opted to look around the table, trying to find other things to occupy yourself with. Hongjoong placed the spoon down into the bowl as he kept his eyes on you.

You look awkward to be standing there next to him. He wondered why it was you hadn’t just walked out after giving him the food; however, he figured you wanted something if you were the one to do the delivery. He decided to make things less suffocating by being the one to start a conversation.

“Are you okay?” His question caught you off guard, looking at him with wide eyes.

You licked your lips as you thought about his question. “At this moment or in the past two weeks?” You asked, looking down.

Sighing, you felt like you knew exactly what it was you wanted to say. You looked up at Hongjoong, meeting his eyes. “I'm relieved.” You breathed out. “That you are all okay and safe for the most part. I wanted to come find you all right away, but the boys told me I had to wait. Time went painstakingly slow. It felt like torture to not know how you all were.”

Hongjoong turned to give you his full attention, one leg lifted over the other as he got comfortable in the chair. “I'm sure you weren't the only one worried.” He told you.

“So you all have said.” You laughed softly. “Thank you.” You suddenly spoke up, looking at him with kind eyes.

“For what?” He frowned, eyebrows pinched together.

“Keeping the others safe.” You smiled. “I know you don't like me much, but I appreciate you.” Hongjoong looked at you like you had grown an extra head.

He had given you no reason to like him. No reason to really even think about him. He hadn’t really spoken to you much, but somehow you appreciate him? He knew that you were different from what the others had said, however now he was just a bit skeptical.

“In fact, after all this time, I think you're an inspiration. What you've done with the boys—how you've kept them together for so long. They speak highly of you.”

Hongjoong hummed as your feelings now made sense. A small smile grew on his face as he thought about his friends. He didn’t realize how much his leadership affected them so much. He knew they spoke about him, they always spoke about each other. But to have them speak about him in such a way that made people see him as an inspiration had him wanting to cry.

After so long, he knew they were much closer than a lot of other gangs. He was glad to have reached that kind of level of friendship. He had tried so hard to keep them all together, it seemed like that paid off. They trusted him so much and he didn’t want to lose it.

Looking over at you, he knew that they were starting to care deeply for you. If he was to ask them to leave you he knew they would, but at the cost of some of their own happiness. He had never seen the boys become so enamored with someone so quickly. Now that he was actually having a conversation with you, he could see why they would be.

“I can't remember a time when we made friends that lasted a long while.” He expressed. “They come and go after finding out what we do. I've tried my best at keeping them together, but sometimes I fail to do that.” He let out a deep sigh, pursing his lips as he had just expressed an insecurity he had.

Your lips slowly pulled up into a smile at his confession. You were excited to get something from him after never speaking more than two words to him. “Everyone has their differences. Even all of you. I'm sure it is tough to do what you do.” You comforted him.

Hongjoong pursed his lips. His jaw clenched as his face suddenly looked at you appalled. Here you were speaking your mind and somehow he confessed something he held deeply to you. It bothered him to know you were able to do that with him. He had hidden so much from others, even his closest friends, but all you had to do was tell him that you understood him and he opened his mouth.

“Why are you like that?” He glared.

“Like what?” You didn’t seem affected by his glare, though you did raise a brow at his change in attitude.

“Like you know what to say to get people on your side.” He clenched his fist. “What more do you want? You already have the others worried. Why speak to me like you understand me? Don't you know? We've killed men. We are criminals. Why associate yourself with people like that?” He stressed.

“I never said I did.” You immediately retorted, face turning stoic. However, he watched as you licked your lips and suddenly looked down.

“When Mingi saved me, I thought it was going to end for me. I had jumped to save that girl but at the cost of my own life.” You had an expression of thoughtfulness as you recalled that day to him. He listened intently to you, knowing that something like that wasn’t a nice experience to relive.

“It made me realize all the regrets I had in life. Instead of feeling scared, I felt so angry with myself for not noticing sooner the life I led wasn't one I would have wanted. I had a mental breakdown after Mingi turned up, but these past few weeks made me realize that the day I found you all was the day I started to see the kind of person I wanted to be.”

“Sure, at first I thought you were all criminals and scumbags, but after getting to know you all things changed. In the eyes of the public, you are criminals and outlaws. But to me, you're the people who saved me and opened my eyes. That's worth more to me than anything.”

He didn’t know your story, just as you didn’t know his. There was a lot that you were in the dark about and Hongjoong wondered why it was that you didn’t ask about it. The boys had explained that you were a very understanding person who trusted her intuition about people. Any sane person would try their hardest to stay away from people like them, but here you were staying with them in their camp.

There would come a day when the boys would want to grow up and find their own ways, but for now Hongjoong wanted to keep them together for as long as possible. If that meant keeping you at arms length, then he was willing to put his group on the line. At least the line that would lead them to you.

“You shouldn't be reckless.” Hongjoong told you. “We won't always be there to save you.”

Your lips pulled over your teeth as you grinned at the man. “Says the outlaw.” You chuckled. You got up to leave the tent, turning back to look at the man. “Besides now we're even from when I didn't tell anyone you were in town all those weeks ago.” You teased.

“You're a menace.” Hongjoong scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully. “You'll fit right in.” He took a sip of the soup to hide the fact that he had just acknowledged you as part of the group.

A soft look cast over your features as you smiled softly. “Thanks, Captain.”

Series Masterlist

@thefrog3223 , @iarayara , @0rangemilk , @explorewithd , @detectivedoodle , @bangtanxberm , @a1i33a , @loveforred , @drunken-deitence , @0325tiny , @the-ghostest-with-the-mostest , @atinyreads , @atinytinaa , @lexiigom , @smilingtokki , @mismatchfluffysocks , @brain-empty-only-draken , @sousydive , @alex-tinyy , @h3arteyes4mingi , @onedumbho3 , @popcatx0 , @blue1amory

#kpop fanfic #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez wooyoung #ateez hongjoong #ateez san #ateez yeosang #ateez mingi #ateez jongho #ateez yunho #ateez seonghwa #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong x you #hongjoong x y/n #fanfiction #hongjoong imagines

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variousficss · 4 months

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[Bucky Barnes] set of 2 - part 11

Summary: bridging the abyss at the most bridging moment that exists. 🎄

Absolutely shit.

Lost. Confused. Boring. Upset.

Bucky's state.

"Man, this is not how I imagined my Christmas night."

"You're free to go anytime, Sam. Nobody's keeping you here."

Stubborn. Moron. Stupid ass. Ugly ass blue eyes, man.

Sam's thoughts.

"Man, this is sad as fuck, c'mon. Look at you", Sam pointed to Bucky's tired face. "You look like a homeless guy, and my uncle was an actual homeless homie, and man, let me tell you: you look waay worse than him."

Bucky didn't say anything back, just drinking his beer.

"Bucky, man, we need to talk," Sam said, his tone both firm and friendly. He knew Bucky was struggling, but the soldier would die before being the first to bring up the conversation.

Bucky glanced at him, reluctance in his eyes. "Talk about what?"

Sam sat down beside him, choosing his words carefully. "About you and YN. Something's off, and I'm not buying the "I'm protecting-her' excuse anymore."

"It's not an excuse!" Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I can't make you understand how terrified I am of losing her. I can't do this to her, Sam."

Sam leaned back, studying Bucky's troubled expression. "You're not protecting her by shutting her out, Buck. You're just hurting YN. And yourself."

"I just... ", Bucky looked away. Sam was right. You were right, too. He just couldn't convince himself. That he wouldn't break you. "... after the mission, the soldier... the reminders of what I used to be. I can't let her get caught up in all that."

Sam nodded, understanding the deep-rooted fears that haunted Bucky. "Look, I get it. But YN cares about you. She wants to be there for you. You're shutting her out isn't doing either of you any favors. You don't seem better for being away from her, and maybe that's a sign." Bucky remained silent, the internal struggle evident in his eyes. Sam continued, "Maybe it's time to let her in. You don't have to face everything alone, Buck. You’re allowed to be happy, y’know? And she's strong, you know? Stronger than you give her credit for."

You were. You are. Stronger than him, for sure. The way you look at him, making him feel like he's the only one you see in the room, the way you feel at ease about joking with him and sharing mundane things—all that made Bucky fall in love. Despite his efforts to keep you away, you refused to do so. You refused to let him alone. The walls he had erected to protect you were, in fact, isolating both of you. He was alone. Worse: he left you alone, too. If you needed Bucky just a little as much as he wanted you, Bucky couldn't express how much he had screwed up. What if you needed him too? What if you wanted him just like he wanted you? If you wanted him, why was he denying you that? He wanted you just as badly.

~~~~~ the other day ~~~~~~

Bucky didn't pay much attention when he first heard the sound of the cafe door opening and closing, nor did he pay much attention when he heard someone walking towards him. It was only when you pulled out the chair in front of his and sat down that he finally started to notice.

Startled and perplexed by the person's bold actions, Bucky looked up from his laptop screen, a frown already forming as he prepared to reprimand the stranger, only to freeze in shock when he realized who was sitting in front of him. Instantly, his heart began to pound and he shakily closed the book, leaning back in his chair as he took a sip of his refreshing drink, trying to shake off his growing nervousness. How did you know where he was? He was going to a different cafe since he decided to get away from you, going to the cafe you hated: Starbucks.

Realizing he wasn't going to speak, you frowned, just like Bucky did when he was frustrated about something but too tired to argue.

“One would almost think you were avoiding me...” You finally spoke, your tone painfully sarcastic.

Despite the nonchalant way you said, Bucky could feel the pain behind your words, the realization making him shift guiltily in response.

“Why?” Bucky realized you were trying hard not to sound angry and accusatory with your words, but instead they just sounded heartbroken and lost, something that was much more painful for him to hear. “You always hide when you're in pain and I haven’t said anything and I haven't been looking for you in the last few days because I believe in privacy and I know you’re struggling..."

Bucky didn't know what to say.

"Why don’t you talk to me anymore? We used to talk all the time, Buck.", you confessed and you fought not to fill your eyes with tears. "I just want my friend back."

"I never said we were friends", the soldier mumbled, unable to look you in the eyes.

"Why are you acting like this? I know you’re going through a tough time, but so am I. I hate this, Bucky. Have I done something to get us here?", Bucky shook his head, but you kept going. "Tell me what I’ve done and I’ll fix it."

And there it was: Bucky hurting you again. Even when he tried to keep his distance. He hurt you even when he wasn't around and continued to do so when he was.

“You haven’t done anything, Doll. It's me, I'm the one that's fucked up. If you keep me around you think is gonna get better? That people will stop looking at you like they do?! Even at your job, you think they'd want to have a coworker that's friends with the Winter Soldier?!", he cringed at the way he sounded. "it won't stop, Doll. You know it won't."

"I don't care."

"Yeah? You don't? Do you want to keep getting beaten? "

"No, I don't want any of that, Bucky. You never lifted your hands to me, but I’m your punching bag all the same."

And now he felt like the one who got punched. You were right.

"I know I'm not much, but I really enjoy having you around, James.", you confessed as you looked away from his deep blue eyes.

"What did you say?", Bucky was confused.

"Come on, Bucky. You and I know very well that I am the most ordinary person in thi fucking world. I don't save the world and I'm not even the best worker in my company. I don't have thousands of followers on Facebook and I don't even have many friends. There's nothing special about me. I know this and I know you do too. I like being with you because you know that and it doesn't bother you. I can be ordinary with you because you are exactly the opposite. You have this bunch of things going on for you and you can deal with them. You have been harmed in unimaginable ways, yet you still care about whether I ate or slept well. By the way, leaving food on my apartment door is a bit stalkerish. What kind of Sugar Daddy will people think I have?"

Wow. Lots of information. In those days when you were apart, Bucky missed how you could talk about several topics in a single breath. He could feel the sincerity in your words, the genuine concern and care you had for him. For a moment he was speechless, overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings.

"You're not ordinary to me," he finally repeated, his voice a low murmur. "I admire you because you’re funny and snarky, sarcastic as all hell, but you don’t know. That’s why you don’t understand. You don’t know what I used to be like. You don’t know what it was like in my head. I lived in a really dark place,” he says to you. “I wasn’t safe in my own mind. I woke up every morning hoping to die and then spent the rest of the day wondering if maybe I was already dead because I couldn’t even tell the difference. I created a routine, to protect myself.", he confessed. "If I do the same things every day then nothing changes. But with you? something new happens everyday."

"With me? Bucky, you literally fight again every single day, how your days changes because of me?"

"Because I'm used to fighting, Doll. I'm used to getting punched and stabbed and all of that shit. I'm good at it. But with you? Your hearts beats differently everytime I see you and I don't know what it means. You look at me differently and you support me even when I fucked up. I don't know what to do when you do these stuff."

"So what? Do you want me to stop?", you ask more sharply than you meant to.

"I enjoyed not needing anyone. I didn’t need anyone else to make me feel safe. I was getting good again because I didnt care, but with you? I care. I care a lot and it’s as if I’m relying on everyone else", Bucky didnt know if he was talking to himself of to you anymore, but his words felt so honest. Brutally honest. "I hate it. I don’t want my entire world to depend on anyone else but me." he piercied his eyes deep into yours.

You nod in agreement. If that was the problem, than you knew how to fix it.

"You don’t need anyone but yourself, but you can have me anyway, Buck.", you stated simply.

Bucky sighed, his internal struggles evident in his eyes. He looked at you, searching for any sign of doubt or hesitation. Yet, all he found was sincerity and a kind of understanding only you showed him.

"You're offering something I don't deserve, doll" he admitted, his gaze shifting to the tabletop.

"Deserve? Who decides what we deserve, Bucky?" you replied, your voice steady and resolute. "Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes, you just find someone who makes the journey a little less lonely. I'm not here to fix you. I'm here because I want to be."

Bucky's eyes softened, and for a moment, the weight on his shoulders seemed to lift, if only slightly.

"I'm a mess, Y/N. I'm not good company," he warned.

"I don't care," you reassured him, leaning forward and passing the item that was wrapped in your hand to his . A bracelet. "I made this for you.", you showed him the bracelet, without time to wrap it you just put it in your bag hoping he wouldn't mind. It said 'White Wolf', the name he had been given in Wakanda after everything was over and he was finally free. Bucky had told you this at the very beginning of your friendship with him. How that name had a special meaning for him. White Wolf signified Bucky's rebirth and redemption. A new beginning, a new identity and a chance to find purpose and peace. And he found it. He was finding it. And you were more part of it than you knew.

He didn't move as you placed the small item on his arm. It was cute.

You watched as Bucky examined the bracelet, his fingers tracing the engraved words. He looked at the bracelet, and for the first time since you sat down, a genuine smile touched his lips. "I... I don't know what to say," he admitted, his eyes meeting yours.

"You don't have to say anything," you replied, pushing your chair back and getting up. "I gotta go now."

"Wait, what?," the soldier asked confused. "You're leaving?"

You turned to face him, one eyebrow raised in question. "Hell, yeah. It's Christmas and I have a couple of movies to marathon. My friend bailed out on me", you smiled, but the smile didnt quite reach your eyes.

“So you just came here to scold me?", he asked confused.

“Pretty much. And besides, friends don't let friends wallow in self-pity. So, get it together, Barnes.", you offered him a bigger smile this time. "I miss my friend, Buck." You grabbed the coffee Bucky was drinking and took it with you as you left.

"You're relentless, you know that?"

"It's a special skill," you replied, almost by the door. "See you around, Bucky."

Tag list: @almosttoopizza @creat0r-cat @aesthetic0cherryblossom @cjand10 @sapphirebarnes @nouk1998 @unaxv @rain-lavender-rain @winterslove1917 @marvel-wifey-86

#bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes #bucky fic recs #bucky fic #fluff bucky

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