#but seriously i will forever remember these last 4 months

[laylaisthename]

ILW // Here they are! All 7 different end cards you can get in the many many more variations of the niche endings available in the game.

Google Drive Link to the cgs here

I am beyond honored to have been allowed to leave my own mark in the game like this, and honestly never in a million years expected to actually become involved with the game.

Everyone is fine to use these as phone backgrounds but if you do youre legally required to tell me which one is your favorite.

Putting it under the cut for length, but here's a breakdown of each card;

Starting with the Evil!MC end cards, that are lovingly dubbed Judas' Kiss if you stayed with Matty, or Scorched Earth for MC's solo end.

The images really mostly speaks for themselves; the flaming heart, hand in atrocious hand if you chose to share the power with Matthias, but then when you put it next to the solo end is where it got fun for me. The heart is broken, its just you now, but the glowing eyes are smiling. My first time testing the judas kiss route I did not hestiate for a second to hit "kill him"

Next is the death card

I really liked the idea of (if your mc wasnt a huge dick anyway) that they give you a grave outside the cave, something for people to leave Rowan flowers and gifts. A classic grave didnt quite feel like it fit so I settled on a cairn. It felt very fitting with the Power being a respect for nature and such. I set it to be at night, with moonlight streaming down on the grave to give it a melancholic sort of feeling, with the sun charm sunny gives you strung off it, and then placed flowers at the grave to kinda show that people have come by because they care about Rowan. Meanings for the flowers are below and while not canon, I like to think each of the LI's left behind one of them; red roses from Abel, blue violets from Amalia, sunflowers from Lincoln and the marigolds from Joss, though really they were all chosen more generally.

Onto the blood end card! Which I named New Horizons, and not because of animal crossing. A winding road in the mountains at sunset; the road has been long, it has been hard and now youre choosing to move on. Symbolically what i wanted this card to be is that feeling of leaving everything behind. The sun is setting on your old life as you go to embrace the normal life that Blood MC wants so much. Youre on the top road moving around the bend, not sure where life will take you but that's alright, you have the rest of your life to look forward to figure out where you'll go.

Onto my own canon end; the Mixed end!

Lovingly called "Best of Both Worlds" because mixed rowan is playing that hannah montanna life. More seriously; this card in contrast to the blood end is not about leaving everything behind, but embracing what you are. The card itself is set at dawn to contrast this; soft yellows and pinks, morning dew and fog clinging to the forest floor with a streak of Power playfully dancing among the trees. Its the dawn of a new day, seeing everything in new light after the darkness of the past weeks/years rowan spent trying to understand themselves. It's my personal favorite end even if my mc and Linc gotta do long distance for a while. But to me its about accepting yourself; moving on from the grief of losing your family without alienating yourself from your memories of them and embracing that Power side of yourself without being changed by it. The life you built after being ressurected is your own and no one can take that from you.

Next up my almost canon end, that does live rent free in my mind because I love angst.

Closed gate shadow end, Far, Far away (yes this is a shrek/starwars/nerd refrence); its a fairly straight forward card, thought it does have one of my personal favorite little details. This is the second draft I made of it after this scene from Lincoln's shadow goodbye stuck with me; looking up through the trees at the night sky.

I really wanted to hide an eye shaped constellation in the stars but couldnt make it look good sadly :sob: But my favorite little detail are the fireflies and how some of them are cyan; touched by the power Rowan is now again a part of. Not canon, but I like to think these little cyan fireflies come to sit on the LI's heads next they wander too close to the woods (Fireflies by Owl City starts playing).

Shadow end is just. Its so beautiful really. From sharing your experiences with the wisps, how Rowan's wisp has been changed by their time as a person, how despite their grief they are not sad or unhappy, melancholic yes but this is where you want to be. Its a cosmic love, the joy of having lived, coming inside on a cold winter day to find your home warm and inviting, your family waiting for you to tell them about your day. The card itself is a little whimsical, hopeful despite the closed gate that the power will forever be part of the world, even if its been cut off. And this brings us to the other shadow ending card; the flower

Eternal Bloom, a ghostly hand reaching out to hand this flower over to the world, a final gift, a final goodbye. Maybe a promise of "I'll see you soon" but first and foremost, it is a promise of love.

Thats right babes. Its all about Love. Unfading Love.

symbolically there isnt anything hidden in the card, but thats also in part of it at face value telling you all you need to know; its about love! its a gift, for you, to remember me by. You have not forgotten me, and even changed as I am, I have not forgotten you. Rowan's change in personality after merging shadow was sooooo heart breaking tbh but ITS SO GOOD. You found joy in what you were, but its time to come home, take off your coat, hang it up, take off your shoes.

And it is all about love! All these cards (well, not all of them) were for me made from the heart, trying to keep in line for the different themes each end resolves to give the players something to remember each route by.

To anyone that made it this far, let me know which one is your canon card/which card you like best! And im kissing you on the lips I love rambling about my thoughts and if you got to here then you deserve a reward. So.

#ilw #it lives within #it lives within spoilers #art #but seriously i will forever remember these last 4 months #it was soooo much fun seeing my name in the credits #also fun fact! I made male harper's outfit!!! #and reb picked it but i also did the colors for female harpers #we wanted them to match #and i liked the red bc it reminds me of their power fit

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 61

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Autistic Lance (Voltron) [series] by dontthinkiwont

"Look, okay, I get it, I like peanut butter, you like sharks. It's a thing, whatever. But seriously, dude - what the fuck?" - Or, Lance has Autism Spectrum Disorder and this can cause him to fixate on some things. Like, maybe, for instance, great white sharks. For example.

yes i like this series for projection reasons. whatever. it was also one of the first autistic lance fics out there!! and its v heavy in platonic relationships yall are gonna love it

2. Revelations and Reactions by @azapofinspiration

Keith couldn't believe it. He was part Galra. That was hard enough to deal with... But then he realized that he would have to tell the rest of the team. He couldn't help but fear how they would react. In which Keith reveals that he's part Galra after facing the Blade of Marmora's trials.

azap truly never misses. they KNOWWWW how to do found family like a CHAMP and i will never get tired of reading canon corrections where keith is like. loved and accepted lol

3. A Memory Like a Snapshot by MemeKonVLD

Pidge is still close —closer than is entirely comfortable if he has to be honest— giving him an evaluating glance. Lance doesn’t really know where to look, other than up her nose— but that grows old pretty fast. So he looks at himself in the reflection of her glasses. And squints. He touches his own face for the first time since waking up— and feels the roughness of his chin. “I have stubble,” he says, and the words are as alarmed as they can be even though they still sound slightly slurred, slightly off. Pidge blinks a couple of times at him, and finally retracts into a more comfortable distance. “Well, yeah,” she says. “You are like, what? 22? 23 in a couple of months?” “I’m feeling— I’m feeling a little queasy,” he says then, with bright spots of color dancing in front of his eyes as he thinks 22. Suddenly, a bucket gets shoved against his face. He takes hold of it with clammy fingers and he leans on his side so he can... use it. Thoroughly. “I’m having Garrison flashbacks,” he hears Pidge say.   (Or: Lance is stung by an alien bug, loses his memories temporarily and makes assumptions about his and Keith's relationship. Also, Pidge cheats at Uno.)

losing your memories. and waking up. and someone treats you so kindly and lovingly that you know, immediately, in the bones of you, that they love you. and the feeling in your chest even if your brain doesnt remember of love for them tells you clearly that this person is your soulmate. i am going to LOSE IT

4. Love in the Times of (Intergalactic) War by MemeKonVLD

Lance: Oh, man. [I see him grow visibly excited here, leaning forward and putting his hands up— he’s big on gesticulating, as anyone who’s watched the pilots of Voltron host SNL a couple of months ago knows.] Space is vast. I know that’s not groundbreaking knowledge there, and everyone’s somewhat aware of it, but— being up there? traveling around space for years, and knowing we never even— we never even came near to touching upon a tenth of what’s out there? That’s cool, weird and scary all in one.

WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT 2016 FICS. HUH. ICONIQUE?? AMAZING??? SHOWSTOPPING?? INCREDIBLE??? bc pov outsider is the BEST and watching how much lance SHINES to anyone who looks at him...yeah

5. Skin by MemeKonVLD

He’s aware of Lance talking to him, but he’s still too asleep to try to decipher whatever it is he’s blabbering about. He only starts paying attention when one of Lance’s hands goes to the drawstring of his pajama pants. “Whoa, what are you doing?” He asks, slapping Lance’s hand away, cheeks warm. “You,” Lance starts, pointing at him (and Keith notices that for all he’s made fun of him for the last forever for them, he’s wearing his fingerless gloves), “are not screwing up my skin care routine, man.” (AKA: the one where Keith and Lance switch bodies.)

suave keith and flustered lance my BELOVED. swapped bodies truly has to be one of the top ten tropes of all time. love watching them be in love and also stupid

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#making these makes me sad now 😭😭 #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #pre klance #getting together #established klance #autistic lance #galra keith #keith angst #fic rec #FRF #longpost

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Letter from your Guides"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a message coming from your Guides. You may be in a moment of confusion, fearing something, doubting something or healing something.The message will try to provide you with guidance and support.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

1 2 3 4 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

(One Guide is talking the most either for themselves or a group; it may even be someone from your family/ancestor or a counterpart's higher self/past life soulmate. I think they're talking about a passion/hobby/endeavour of yours in particular, but it could be something else too)

My darling We/I know you're passionate about something. You have a huge desire laying inside of you and you're dreaming so much of making that wish fulfilled. You can, keep going. Just remember to not let your fears and insecurities hinder you, your emotions to govern you. We don't do that anymore, right? You've grown so strong recently! And things will change as you've changed, the same way. Without you realizing until you will experience them. Give it a try. Give yourself a try. There's a lot in store for you. We often tell you this, but you better start to believe it, even if you cannot see it as for now. Be positive: pain never lasts forever, it's just something we need to experience here and there. It's the bad that lives with the good. Take them both, accept them both, but never lose that shine/smile of yours. Remember to breathe. We're/I am here with you.

song: under my skin | claudia kane; one of a kind | the gaia corporation

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pile 2

(You're probably your Guides' "little cute sweet thing" they love to comfort you and send you gifts/signs here and there, especially images/cute drawings or such -probably if you occasionally feel like drawing, it's them-. They give you sweet surnames. It could even be, similarly to pile one, there's someone from your family -more likely- or a counterpart higher self /past life soulmate. The mentioned infos may come through messages, signs, dreams...)

Hello pumpkin/cinnamon roll We know the past has been kinda harsh on you. We know that. We've seen it all. We've felt what you felt too, we've cried with you. But please, don't let this all close you off from what's ahead. You know what's ahead? Love, abundance, and all you ever dreamt of. The past is gone, it needs to end, so never think things will always be like that for you. It's not gonna be that. Things are now changing for the best. Leave behind whatever and whoever you need to leave behind, and give space for what's supposed to arrive. Be brave. Demand. Be confident. You'll get infos about this in the upcoming days/months, so stay ready to receive and trust we're not fooling you. That's never what we want to do. Take a time out when you need and just do not trust when something, a thought or a person, wants to limit you. You're limitless, go beyond that. Enjoy, little one.

songs: perfect symphony | ed sheeran, andrea bocelli; breathe me | sia

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pile 3

(Your Guides feel either proud or sorry about something. They want to comfort you and hug you. It could be an higher self of someone tbh, maybe even yours, or similarly to other piles it could be someone from your family/ancestors or lover. They probably used to protect you a bit too much -may be someone no more in the 3d, it's a bit confused tbh)

Where to start from? It's time to change, my dear. It's time to let others in and find your own happiness. It's time to let yourself be loved as you need and are supposed to, it's time to experience life at its full. You deserve that. I'm sorry if someone tried to hinder you, but it's a new start now. Do not let them hinder you anymore. I want you to know you'll get to experience all that you want. You're such an amazing soul and person... People can only talk good about you. You'll receive lot of love, you're gonna do big things... but for this to happen, you need to make a decision of/on your own. To really be aware of your worth and what you want and go after it, prepare for it, get ready for it, study for it. Accept the good, the love, the sweetness of others. Do not close off to any loving offer or comment that will come to you, not everybody is here to play with you (I'll play with them if they do). We need to change our approach. We need to let things unfold as they're supposed to. Enough with battling from the inside, it's time to try and be out and about. It's time to trust and just go forward, for the better is coming.

song: personal jesus | depeche mode; we belong together | mariah carey

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pile 4

(your Guides are very elegant and may relate with the night -maybe you can contact them more likely at that time or they come to your through dreams or they're creatures of the night: eg. maybe come in form of owls-, or maybe you like the night. Harry Potter too. I think there's someone from your ancestors who was/is a very refined person/soul that demands respect and are powerful. Like that wealthy aunt you may see in movies. They're very nice and tender though, especially with you.)

Hello sweet bat How are you doing? Please, stay calm and collected. I know sometimes it's easy to get lost in your thoughts, to let fears mess up with you, but when this happens I want you to know that you just need to stop and breathe. Meditate. Call for your inner self. You'll find me/a reflection of me there too. We're similar, you know it. So trust your inner guidance, and get yourself back together. Refocus on your goal, and get up again. Worrying over things that don't matter isn't good for you, it just hurts you and nothing else. When there's too much going on, focus on the most urgent stuff first and then go on like that. Make a list. Be grounded. You don't have to do everything at once. My darling, we're elite/majestic/aristocracy, we can let others wait for us, right? Stay calm and manifest, you'll get what you deserve (and so others). Control what you can and let the rest move towards you, even that lover of yours...

song: pulse | the venice connection; sound of breaking | faunea

#pac #pac tarot #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a card tarot #pick a picture #pick a photo #tarot #tarots #free tarot reading #tarot readings #intuitive readings #clairs #divination #psychic readings #pac reading #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #tarot reading

[minty-mumbles]

Linked Universe Survey 2023

The long awaited results of the survey. Sorry it took me forever, making graphs is hard.

There were 452 responses to the survey as a whole, which is almost double what we got last year, so thank you to everyone who participated!

If you want to see the raw data, you can find that here. I had thoughts about the data, but compiling that into another post would be too much of a hassle. Feel free to send me asks about it though!

The rest of the post will be under a read more as it it large

Demographics

Other: Demigirl (4), Transmasc (3), Grey genderfluid, Unlabeled, Demiboy, Demiagender

Other: Omnisexual (4), Poly (2), Trixic, Abroromantic or Bellusromantic, Demisexual

General Questions

Other: Quotev, Discord, their own google docs

Other: Discord, Variations of "I haven't posted yet, but I pan to" and "I haven't posted my fics in ages",

Other: Wattpad, Deviantart, Discord

Other: Crochet dolls, Custom dolls, Roleplay blogs (2), Fan translations, Headcanons (2), Piano music

The purple section in the “Warriors vs Warrior” chart is supposed to read “Warrior.” I made a typo.

Favorites and Least Favorites

Selected Free Response Answers

im sorry warriors i just can't play your game (it is very very hard. i am stuck very early on in the game)

I love cats meow meow meow

was extremely tempted to put twilight for least favorite. unfortunately he is my favorite to write from the perspective of (he has taken over most of my wips. help) and that probably counts for something. WILD on the other hand. hooo boy how the hell do i characterize this gargoyle. why is he Like That. least favorite it is

Twiddy

very good fandom to be in :) everybody is very nice

It's a straight up crime that Wars lost the aesthetics poll so quickly. He has such a peak Link design with the best colors. Ugh I'm getting wistful.

FROGS. FROGS. FROGS. ALSO HAPPY PRIDE MONTH. FROGS. FROGS. FROGS. FROGS. FROGS.

I will fight Hylia herself and the next person who implies Twi can't handle spice. If we're going to lean into him being southern/Midwestern, which is an alright stero type for our rancher, please keep in mind the culture you're basing him off. The south and midwest can handle their spice, I assure you. Have you ever had authentic Louisiana gumbo? It will melt you tongue off. Or some good old fashion spicy fried chicken? I promise the real stuff has quite a kick. (In all seriousness, though. It's more important that you're having fun. And even I can admit the idea of Twi being an Ordonian who can't handle his spice is more than a little funny.)

I am an OoT Link edgelord and have been since early 2017. So, in September of that year, when an artist by the name of jojo56830 puts out a lineup of nine different Links and the Hero of Time is there – the oldest, no eye, Hero’s Shade armor? I saw that one sketch and just thought “oh this is gonna be bad.” Yeah of course he has the coolest design. By the way, it’s only a matter of time until Fierce Deity shows up in the comic and I have reason to believe it could be this current Dawn arc. Dawn … Dawn of a New Day … and who brought about the Dawn of a New Day? Fierce Deity. Twilight is recovering but still injured and what will happen if he falls again? Fierce Deity is coming and we need to be prepared. In this essay I will—

Remember that time when someone put the whole script of the bee movie in here? I’m not that dedicated, and I don’t have that time, but let us remember and hope someone else does it again this time. Cause someone is bound too. We’re all crazy enough to do it. Alright, love you and stay hydrated pls!

Hi! I joined this fandom really recent but i’ve always seen LU stuff on pinterest and elsewhere. Only recently have i actually took the time to understand the fandom and get back into LOZ stuff and i adore the characters and story! The more and more fanart, fanfics, and comics i see about the different Links the more i love them all. It’s such a pain to pick just one i like or one i don’t like because they’re all so unique. I love this fandom and hope to get more involved!! Have a wonderful rest of your day :]

Epona is an underrated queen

your mom

I really don't get why Zelda is called Artemis. Athena makes more sense???? It perplexes me

Anyone seeing this should check out Breanna’s E!Wild AU

Something something queer every Link into oblivion!

#linked universe #lu survey 2023 #lu wild #lu twilight #lu time #lu warriors #lu legend #lu wind #lu hyrule #lu four #lu sky

[elizabethwritesmen]

Notice - Part 4

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Curvy!Reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, Mature Themes, Self deprecation on both sides, Body image issues, Self hatred, Angst (That's basically all this chapter is sorry love you guys), Slow burn, Mutual Pining

Summary: Dean is gone. Until he's not.

Word Count:

AN: Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to put this out. This past (almost) year has been ridiculous, and I haven't had much time to even think about writing. But I'm back at it now with lots of fresh ideas and chapters! And I snuck in a little something as an official apology (;.

The next chapter will be the last, and I might do a short epilogue.

Thanks so much for the continued support and enjoy!

╔══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╗

She pined after Dean left, just as she knew she would.

Every time she saw a man that looked like him at a bar, or a store, or anywhere, she fought the urge to say something. She knew deep down, though, that if Dean ever came back, she's the first person that would find out. He would knock on her door and let her know how long he was staying for, and maybe he would even spare her a kiss this time before disappearing.

She waited for that knock. A month passed and she waited, then two, then three. Eventually she grew cynical, her inner demons possessing her and her insecurities winning.

"Come on, Y/N. Please. If you want to wait forever for that guy to come back, more power to you, but can you at least rejoin the human race in the mean time?" Evelyn asked, her voice heavy through the phone speaker.

"I don't know, Evvy. I don't really like the whole bar scene anyway, I never have fun like you guys do."

"Yes, we've been over this. Ashley and I have tons of men all over us and you never have anybody. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that has nothing to do with how you look? Seriously, Y/N. You're hot. But you're quiet, and reserved, and you hang out in corners and read or peel labels off bottles. It's intimidating and off putting. What you need is to come out with us tonight and let your hair down! Have a good time!"

"I like corners and books and peeling labels," Y/N huffed.

"I know you do, but why don't you just take a break from the norm? You might have a good time, and it'll get your mind off of Dean."

The mention of his name was enough to make her second guess her decision. She did want to forget about him, at least for the night. She wanted to remember what it felt like to be human.

"Okay, fine. But you're driving. Come get me."

Evelyn cheered on the other line and hung up, leaving Y/N to wonder if she'd made the right decision. She shrugged off her doubt and wandered to her closet, picking through clothes until she found an outfit she was happy with.

An hour later, there was a knock on her door. Evelyn and Ashley stood on the other side, both with giddy smiles plastered onto their faces.

"Stop looking at me like that," Y/N furrowed her brows, letting them in and shutting the door behind them.

"Like what?"

"All smiley and weird. You look like the doodle bops. You're creeping me out."

The girls giggled, and Ashley explained, "We're just so happy to see you. It's been so long! It's like you forgot that we're all best friends."

"It hasn't been that long. Besides, I'm sure you guys have more fun without me, I am the lame one."

Evelyn huffed, "No you're not. You're like the coolest of all three of us. You're the funniest, and the smartest. It's not the same without you. We don't even really go out much anymore since you stopped coming with us."

"It's true," Ashley nodded, "You make us whole. I'm glad to have you back."

Y/N was taken aback. She always thought she was extra. She never realized how much she mattered to them.

"And by the way," Evenlyn raised her brows and blatantly checked her out, "You look hot."

Y/N blushed, smoothing out her yellow mini dress. Her white heels complimented it perfectly, and she paired the outfit with assorted gold jewelry and curled hair.

They walked into the bar, and Y/N let out a sigh when she noticed how packed it was.

"There are so many people here," she cringed.

"And you're about to flirt with one of them!" Ashley exclaimed, much to her dismay.

"I don't think she's gonna have to make the first move, either, with that dress on," Evelyn smirked.

They found a booth and Y/N volunteered to go to the bar and order them all drinks. Three beers.

"I love a girl in a good sundress," a voice came from behind her. She turned around to see a man, tall and handsome, but not quite Dean.

"Oh," she awkwardly spoke, "Thank you?"

"You're welcome," he laughed, "Why don't you let me buy you a drink?"

"I already ordered one, but thanks."

"Okay, then why don't you hang out with me while until you finish it and I'll buy your next one?"

He was persistent, she had to give him that.

"Okay," she sighed, figuring she had nothing to lose. At least it would be a short-lived distraction.

"Here you go, ma'am," the bartender handed her three bottles.

"Thanks," she smiled, grabbing them and turning to the man she'd been talking to, "I'll be right back."

She brought Evelyn and Ashley the beer and told them about him.

"Go for it, girl! He's been staring at you since we walked in, he totally wants some," Ashley spurred her on.

"Yeah, but I don't want some," she frowned.

"Okay, but he doesn't know that yet, so there's no harm in flirting. Just something to get over Dean and boost your self confidence," Evelyn inputted.

Y/N let out yet another exasperated sigh and silently agreed, walking back over to the man.

"There you are, hot stuff!" he smiled at her, all teeth.

"Yeah, sorry, I just had to bring my friends their drinks."

"No problem at all, sweetness, I knew you'd come back for more."

Internally, she was cringing. This dude was disgustingly cocky. He looked like a former frat boy who peaked in college.

They talked for a while, but she really wasn't interested at all. Even a conversation with him was a chore, and her energy levels weren't high enough to inflate his ego further.

"Listen, Jordan, I'm gonna go back to my friends but it was nice to meet you," she interrupted him in the middle of his sentence, not caring what he had to say.

"Excuse me?" his confusion showed all over his face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'd just rather be hanging out with them. There are a lot of other girls here you could talk to," she smiled politely, ejecting herself by turning away from him.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back into him, growling through gritted teeth, "But I'm talking to you. You know, you big girls are good in bed but you're really all fucking bitches."

She tried to yank herself away from him, but it was to no avail. She yelled, "Let go of me!" He didn't listen, holding tighter and reaching down to her ass, giving it a squeeze.

"It's ok, hot stuff, I can take care of that. This ass needs me behind it, huh? Get rid of your attitude real quick."

She didn't even have time to respond, or spit on him, or punch him, or whatever else she planned to do because she was ripped from his grasp. It was a whirlwind, and she felt like she was spinning, but when she grounded herself, she was behind a solid wall of leather.

She recognized him by his smell alone. It was Dean. Her Dean.

"She told you to let her god damn go," he deadpanned, his voice low and deadly.

"Who the fuck are you, her dad? Get the fuck out of here, she's just some whore," Jordan huffed.

That was all it took for Dean to swing, sharp and quick, his fist landing square in the center of the other man's face. Jordan's nose instantly started leaking blood behind the hand he'd put over it.

"She is not a whore. She just doesn't fucking want you, asshole."

He grabbed her hand and lead her out of the bar before the owner even had a chance to kick them out. Evelyn and Ashley followed closely behind.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Evelyn asked, concern written on her face like a book.

"I am," the girl meekly assured, rubbing her arm where the creep had grabbed her.

"Um," Ashley started, glancing between Y/N and Dean pointedly, "We're gonna go. We'll call you later to check on you."

"Yeah," Evelyn agreed, sensing the mood. She turned to Dean as they walked to her car, "Get her home safe."

"Always," he promised, waving goodbye to the girls and turning to his favorite. "What the hell were you doing, talking to a guy like that, sweetheart?"

"I..." she stuttered. She didn't want to lay all her cards out on the table just yet. "I don't know. I liked him."

Dean cocked a brow, "Him? Really? See, I just don't believe that."

She rolled her eyes and stomped her foot petulantly, "I thought it would be a distraction, Dean."

"From what?" he asked, as if he really didn't know. Her eyes averted to the ground and she pursed her lips awkwardly. That told him everything. "From me?"

"I think about you more than I should. I just knew you would come back, so I've been waiting for you, but I didn't know when, so I wanted a distraction."

"How many distractions have you looked for?"

"He was the first one. And I didn't plan to sleep with him or anything. I just thought the conversation would be good for me. Turns out it wasn't."

"Well you don't have to answer to me, sweetheart. But you should know, I've been thinking about you, too."

"Really?"

"I've been trying to get back. It's just been impossible. We've been so busy with hunt after hunt, and there haven't been any here."

"If there's not a hunt here, then why are you here?"

"There was an easy one close to home. I sent Sam on it alone for a couple days and I drove here."

Her eyes met his, and she saw how worn down he was. The innocence in his eyes was dwindling every day. Her heart ached for him, wishing she could lighten the load. Wishing she could take some of it away for him.

"Take me home," she demanded, her voice sweeter than her words. He nodded, leading her to the impala and opening the passenger side door for her.

The car ride was silent. As was the walk up to her apartment. Neither of them knew what to say. All of the feelings from before were still there, in fact they were stronger than they'd been the first time.

They stood awkwardly at her door for a moment, and she cleared her throat to ease it, "You can stay here tonight, Dean. You don't have to find a cheap motel."

"I actually already have one. But I'd still rather stay here, if you're sure it's okay."

She let him in and he sat on her couch as she walked to her bedroom to change. She threw on a tank top and a pair of spandex shorts, rushing back to his side. She didn't want to be away from him for too long. Really, she didn't want to waste a moment of the time she had with him.

"How long are you here for?" she asked.

"Until tomorrow afternoon."

She couldn't stop the sorrow from creeping into her smile, "Well at least we have a little bit of time."

"I need more with you."

"I know," she sighed, "But this will do. Are you hungry? I'm gonna make something to eat."

"I'll help you," he offered, following her into the kitchen.

They threw together some burgers and fries, and she handed him the remote, instructing him to find a movie. He did, The Untouchables, mumbling something about it being his favorite of all time.

Before they knew it, they were sitting next to each other on the couch, plates empty and discarded, movie almost over.

"You were right. The movie was good," she mused as the credits began to roll.

"I’m always right,” he smirked, turning the TV off and carrying the plates to the kitchen, washing them before she could protest.

A loud yawn burst from her lips as she joined him, placing the newly clean plates in her cabinet.

“You should get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll still be here in the morning,” he told her.

“I’m not ready to go to bed yet, I don’t want to let you out of my sight,” she whined in protest.

He chuckled, pulling her into his chest and squeezing. She took the moment to breathe him in,

“Hey Dean, why’d you go to the bar when you got to town instead of to my apartment?” she’d been wondering for hours but hadn’t had the chance to ask yet. Finally, she said fuck it and went for it.

“I came here first. You weren’t home, and it’s a Saturday night. I figured the bar was a good place to start looking for you.”

Her heart warmed, swelling in her chest.

“Let’s just have a living room sleepover and watch movies til we fall asleep,” she suggested, pulling just far enough away to look at him.

“Or, and feel free to say no or slap me or whatever you think is appropriate, I could sleep with you tonight? We don’t have to do anything. I just want to be next to you.”

And he meant it. He’d never been so eager to simply sleep in the company of a woman in his life. He wanted more, sure, but he was fine with just holding her. She was warm, and she smelled of vanilla and strawberries. She was comfort and she felt like he’d found a home. Hunting didn’t really allow him one of those, so he savored her.

“Come on,” her voice was barely over a whisper as she pulled him by his hand to her room.

He had to fight the urge to inhale as he walked in. Her scent was so heavy in the room he could wrap up in it like a blanket. He felt like he was becoming addicted, and he dreaded leaving the next day. She was just as perfect, if not more so, than he remembered, and he didn’t understand how she came so easily to him when nobody else ever had.

“You’re welcome to shower before you go to sleep. I have some extra boxers that I think might fit you,” she hummed as she flitted about, cleaning up as much as she could. She wasn’t expecting him, and her stomach was in knots, butterflies fluttering in there like she’d never felt.

“Why do you have boxers laying around?” he asked, brows furrowed, a twinge of jealousy tainting his voice.

“Evelyn stayed over a few months ago with her ex boyfriend and they forgot to bring his boxers, so they went to the store and got some. He only used one pair out of the pack, the other two are still in there. I’m pretty sure he left a T shirt too, but I’d have to look for it,” she explained. She felt empowered by his slight jealousy; it made her feel wanted.

“Just the boxers will do,” he smiled, and she reached into one of her dresser drawers to fish the package out for him.

He went to shower and while he was gone, her nerves got the best of her. She paced, almost frantic, heart beating out of her chest. What if he made a move? What if he didn’t make a move? She hadn’t become less insecure since he’d last been there, and she worried about whether or not he even liked her. Maybe it was just a friendship thing for him. Maybe it was a pity thing. Maybe he didn’t want to see her at all, and just stumbled into her at the bar by accident.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked, drawing her out of her panicked state. She stood frozen when she laid eyes on him, his hair wet and his chest bare. The boxers fit perfectly and her eyes widened when she noticed what they were hiding. It was…. intimidating, to say the least.

“Yes!” she squeaked out, jumping under the covers, willing the flush to leave her cheeks.

He climbed in beside her as she turned on her bedroom TV, putting on an old movie and turning the volume down for background noise.

“I can go to the couch if you’re uncomfortable,” he offered. His concern for her was evident.

“I’m not,” she said, all too quickly. “I just… I can’t believe you came back. Why did you come back?”

He sighed, heavy and thoughtful, “You’re all I’ve thought about since I met you. I talk about you all the time. I didn’t send Sammy on that hunt alone, he went without telling me and called me on the way. Told me to drive here and see you before he goes crazy.”

“Why are you so interested in me?”

“I guess for the same reason you’re so interested in me. It’s not something I can explain. It’s just something I feel.”

“Yeah,” she paused, “Tonight is the first night I’ve gone out since you left. I’ve been waiting for a knock at my door like an idiot. You’ve.. you’ve vexed me.”

“You vexed me first.”

She met his eyes, startled by how close he was to her.

“Close your eyes,” he whispered.

“Why?”

“Trust me. Close your eyes.”

She did as he asked. She hoped he’d kiss her, but she was only half expecting him to, doubt gnawing at her like a dog with a bone.

It let go of her, though, the second his lips met hers.

It was the kind of kiss a girl doesn’t forget. Heavy, and soft, and passionate, and desperate. And sweet. So sweet. His taste was burned into her memory and if she was ruined before, she was much worse for wear now.

He slipped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, embracing her like he’d wanted to since the moment they met. She whined, needy and pliant, and he had to fight the urge to groan. He’d never felt want like he did with her. She made him feel like he could do anything.

She arched her back into him, wanting to be closer. She thought she’d die without more of him right that second. His bare skin taunted her, warm and hard and inviting. Her nipples hardened through her thin tank top, pushing against him, creating the most beautiful friction. She couldn’t hold back her moan when his tongue brushed against hers, and her leg found it’s way over his hip, her core meeting his in a fit of need.

The groan he’d been saving came out full force, his hand sliding over the curve of her ass, pulling her closer, wanting…. wanting…. wanting. Only then did the kiss slow, coming to a sweet and breathless end.

“Maybe we should wait,” he suggested.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.

“I’d rather work for you, sweetheart. I don’t want this to be something you regret. I want it to be perfect, like you deserve. And I just don’t think I deserve you quite yet.”

“Dean..” she breathed out, unsure of what to say. He was so… careful with her. It turned her into a puddle. “We can wait. But you deserve everything.”

“You are everything.”

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

Tag List: @stoneyggirl2 @winchestergypsy90 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @deansbbyx @siospins2 @gatorgal94 @classyunknownlover @jbcalway @djs8891 @mishapocalyse @justrealizedimmascifygurl @ellie-andthemachine @sassy-pelican @tmb510 @superwholockisdabest

#dean winchester smut #dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader

[esprei]

VOLO TIME *cue piano* OK SO... I’ve been meaning to write this up for a while now - my thoughts, observations and general musings on Volo (and maybe a headcanon or two?) (please keep in mind this will be very jumbled - literally just me trying to talk about why this character has grown on me and why I love him so much now so without further ado, let’s go! also, big shoutout to @sunnyluma for helping grab most of these screenshots tyyyyyy ;-;)

((under a cut because this will be loooong))

Ah, Volo... where do I even start?  I was pretty indifferent towards him at first and the same can be said as I played through the game. I honestly thought that he was just a Legends Arceus version of Cynthia, nothing more nothing less (since, y’know he had similar looks, mannerisms and things, not to mention the whole various characters as ancestors bit). For some reason gen 4 is the gen that resonates with me the least (I’ve uh... never actually finished a gen 4 game or fought Cynthia 😬), and while I do think Cynthia is a really cool champion and character in general, I definitely don’t feel a lot of the same hype for her that others do. So that, in turn, applied to Volo for me as well. It was like a... he’s just there kind of situation. But fast forward from finishing the game to hyperfixation on submas to maybe... two months ago? Three now? I dunno, can’t remember the timeline, but what I DO remember is looking at Volo one day and being like... wow. He’s cool. I like him. More specifically, I was looking at his character design sheet at the time. And in that moment it really sank in that, wow this guy is freaking tall. 190cm? equivalent to 6′3″? What in the world. And just... something about that cocky smirk of his in his artwork, coupled with the fact that it’s right next to his goofy Arceus cosplay with that hair... He hooked me. Seriously. Look at him:

(This outfit has also grown on me btw I unironically love it because look at him he’s in his Arceus cosplay and he confidently rocks it like i can’t-) Anyway part of it is probably because I love characters who have crazy or sinister expressions. They can be fun! So then I rewatched the cutscene that happens after you win against him and Giratina because I couldn’t quite recall the sequence of events that happened there and I was curious. And MAN I was shocked... I did not really remember ANY of this?? Seriously, there’s so much packed into these last few lines before he walks away (forever... sobs...). I feel like I really see a glimpse into Volo’s complexity during this whole cutscene. Or, at the very least, his insecurities. Just take the following for example:

HE LOOKS SO SAD... SERIOUSLY, this particular little scene always gets to me. Like... ok. Yeah, he not too long before this ordered Giratina to strike you down to get the plates because he said he wasn’t above using force to get them from you, but it’s here where I really see a guy who’s questioning himself in this moment. It’s like he’s putting so much worth into Arceus’s view of him, he’s so convinced that he’s the chosen one because of his bloodline that when Arceus doesn’t choose him he’s lost. Confused. Surprised Pikachu face even. 

I dunno... we unfortunately don’t have a lot of backstory on him, but I feel like this guy has (or feels like he has) a lot of pressure on his shoulders due to the nature of belonging to a bloodline that has pretty much since died out, save for himself and Cogita. Or maybe even that he put that pressure on himself? Which brings me to this... a scene that REALLY caught my attention when watched it again because I actually read what he says???

If you follow me over on twitter, you might have seen me talk about this scene a while back - more specifically what he says in the first two screenshots. It’s honestly one of the ones that led me to look into Volo even more because seriously... Volo. Who or what hurt you. What happened. Talk to me. PLEASE...

In all seriousness though, the lack of backstory kills me because I like to imagine something tragic happened to him in the past for him to have this viewpoint. And to not only have this viewpoint but to be driven enough to make a change in the world... err... rather, just make a new one!

But. Back to the lines after you defeat him and Giratina... what stands out to me here as well is Volo’s admission and acceptance of defeat. Watching it back the first time I was honestly a little caught off guard. He really kinda humbles himself and gives you the last plate, the Spooky Plate, admitting that his journey ended when lost to you. I don’t really focus too much on the other Pokemon villains admittedly so I’m not sure if others did this, but this sequence just stuck out to me because he gives it up after being so aggressive right before this. Like before he was confident, smug, hellbent on doing everything that he could to get you out of his way, you outsider, then when he Giratina ran off he was at first angry, then confused, questioning Arceus about it all, left with burning questions that he can’t bear not knowing the answer to... It’s like this man goes through the five stages in grief all in the span of like... 30 seconds.

Seriously, this man looks tired here. Done. Defeated. He knows it’s over.

He accepts it all, even if it’s just for a moment. ...Then right after that the Azure Flute forms for you and he’s right back to being an angry, petulant brat about it all... But that’s why I love him! He’s morally gray. He fights with himself, he fights with the internal emotional turmoil that he’s feeling about you being the one Arceus wants to see rather than him, about him not being good enough for Arceus to spare him even a second of its time, him thinking that he was doing something that needed to be done, rebuilding a new world free from pain and strife and other horrible things he’s had to experience, that others have no doubt experienced... (at least, this is what I see asfkldfj) And all of that, at least to me, makes him more interesting than the Volo I had first impressions of. Makes him feel more human to me. More than just “oh shoot, he’s the Cynthia ancestor who’s actually the villain instead of Cyllene!” Like... yeah. He made bad choices. He tried to use Giratina to strike you down. He wanted to subjugate Arceus and force it to create a brand new world, erasing the current one. Not a good look. I’m not trying to excuse any of that, and I’m not the best at organizing these thoughts probably, and I will admit that I also saw Volo as the manipulative, conniving guy early on because for me it was such a twist that he was the villain, so that’s what I focused on. And why he was such a great twist villain for me was because of the setup. By that, I mean you already had a well established character in Cynthia right - an all good, helpful, friendly and strong person - then you apply that to Volo and... boom. HE’S NOT THAT?? I was thinking at a certain point it was just going to be Kamado as the big bad because of the events that unfold, which is why with Volo it was EVEN BETTER because you had that sort of fake out I guess (for lack of a better term)? Kamado banishes you from Jubilife, Volo finds you in Obsidian Fieldlands and helps you, takes you to Cogita to help with the lake spirits and the Red Chain and all, you eventually hear that Kamado is going up to the temple to deal with the rift, then after those events Volo gets kinda sus at the Giratina statue riiiiight before you go up to the temple and then when you get up there... JACKET COMES OFF, OUTFIT CHANGE, etc etc. And like... I get why some people just do not like Volo and never will. I respect that. Trust me, I did NOT like Melli during the main game at all, I’ll tell you what. The little bit of background we get on him in the daybreak update was what changed my view on him, though. And for me what changed my general view on Volo were these scenes. I dunno, maybe I’m a broken record at this point, and maybe I’m a little biased now because I adore him, but I now see him as someone who maybe in the beginnings had noble intentions and just ended up going down the wrong path unfortunately.

Like... look. Right after he questions Arceus about what he’s lacking he asks this:

To me, he’s doubting it all now. And like the moments I mentioned above, him questioning the grand ol’ creator what it is he’s lacking, what makes him not good enough, we see a bit of his human side. Scenes like these and scenes like when he gives you the Spooky Plate lead me to think he has a lot of insecurities hidden underneath that confident (and other times cheery and playful) demeanor. Whether it’s a burden, an expectation, his own self-imposed pressures... there’s just a smidge that we can see and so much more that could be possible if he had more story elements focused on him. (WHICH IS WHY I WANT PLA DLC SO BAD I KNOW IT’S WISHFUL THINKING BUT PLEASE) I’d also like to mention that I think it’s very very interesting that his trainer class for his last battle is “Pokemon Wielder” rather than the “Ginkgo Guild Member” class he has for his other battles. I don’t feel like “Pokemon Wielder” is negative in its connotation - rather, I’d like to think that it derives from his bloodline, the Celestica people, and the thought that perhaps they were the first tamers of Pokemon in the land of Hisui. This thought is due to the fact that he’s excited to see another person (you) who uses Pokeballs for their Pokemon (rather than the Diamond and Pearl clans whose leaders and wardens do not use Pokeballs at all - with Ingo being the (other) exception to that rule of course). That coupled with the fact that he looks genuinely disappointed that more people don’t use them (this line here):

And, of course, how can I fail to mention his Pokemon team itself? Look. Really. If you know anything about me lately it is that I ADORE the idea of Volo adoring his Togepi. Which then would evolve into a Togetic through high friendship. And then into a Togekiss through use of Shiny Stone, but you get my point right? Budew into Roselia, Riolu into Lucario... Yes, I know, I know, Volo is Hisuian Cynthia so the team matches for the most part outside of H. Arcanine, and the joke about him gaslighting his Pokemon into evolving is funny on the surface, but in reality I think he genuinely loves his Pokemon. For goodness sake, there’s a photo of him and Togepi outside of the photo booth! And and and the standee that was recently announced as merch?!

LOOK AT HOW HE HOLDS LITTLE TOGEPI. YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS MAN DOESN’T LOVE HIS EGG. LOOK AT HOW HE HOLDS EGG. EGG DAD. ...Sorry. Got a little carried away there. But yes! I think he loves his Pokemon, genuinely. Which is why it kills me when he says this:

Like bro. Your Pokemon were right there in that battle. VOLO PLEASE- (ALSO JUST A QUICK MENTION ABOUT THIS LINE, it also leads me to think that he’s kinda... always been alone for the most part, outside of his Pokemon team maybe 🥺 probably more of a headcanon than anything but that’s just how I feel sdflkjsdlfkj) Alright... I think I’ve said enough at this point and it’s a mess and I’m not too sure I can ever put quite how I feel about Volo into proper words because I’m not the best at this kind of thing but... I just want to say that he’s a character that I have accelerated in love and appreciation for because he’s just... I dunno, he’s got a lot going on. And I think maybe some of that gets missed because of his ties to Cynthia and his betrayal. But I’m reaaaaaally hoping to see him again in the near future. A random house in one of the cities either in the new region or in Unova (if we get B/W remakes) will suffice 🥲 So uh... YEAH. tl;dr I think Volo is a great character with a little more under the surface than just the villain reveal twist at the end of the game and I’m rooting for him all the way. Him and Togepi (Togekiss?). 

Alright. That’s all I got! Byeeeee y’all 👋

#pokemon volo #volo #ginkgo guild volo #sorry i tried my best to make this.... sorta organized #and i did my best to get the sequence right so apologies if i missed anything #i prrrrrobably forgot something #but that's ok! ;w; #anyway yeah this man ruined my marriage my life he toOK EVERYTHING FROM ME #he lives in my head rent free #send help please

[the-marron]

Shipper Tag Game

Tagged by @forerussake , thank you 🥰

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore?

Hmmm, a hard question right off the bat, because even if I am no longer actively seeking the ship content out anymore, usually I retain a lot of fondness for it, so there are precious few ships I used to be into and that I am simply meh about now, but I think it would be ShikaIno, from Naruto. Canon came at me hard, so while I have some fondness for it, it is what it is, and I am not that much into Naruto anymore either way, so it doesn't hurt much.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

Simba/Nala? Lol 😂 but in all seriousness, I think it would be BatCat. Or Aragon/Arwen, I am very hazy on the details when exactly I imprinted on those, the timeline is not clear

3. Your first fanfic was about which couple?

Read or written? Read: no idea, I think it might have been some self-insert into Inuyasha universe? Written: Sirius/Remus

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw fanart of?

Nope. When I discovered the internet I discovered all of it at an alarming pace, but my bet would be on either Sirius/Remus or some couple from W.I.T.C.H

5. Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

I try not to. I have opinions, yes, and I like discussing them with friends, but I try not to make it anyone's problem - everyone will ship what they want to ship and find different dynamics compelling, so I don't think it necessary to crusade one way or another because one ship is superior to another. It's all very subjective.

6. Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently?

I have quite a bit! Funnily enough I have some canon ships I absolutely dislike and can go off about whenever I catch a poor, innocent victim to listen to my rant.

But my general rule is that I don't like OT3s. In any fandom, in any form, it's just not for me at all. To make matters worse, I am a monoshipper at heart, which usually means that I have a dynamic/ship that I like with characters A and B, and it makes me lose interest in all the other configurations with them. So maybe not an active NoTP but very unlikely for me to read A/C if I committed myself to A/B.

Special shout out to Weilanzun, because this is my most recently acquired NOTP.

And to Batman/Talia Al Ghul which is my longest reigning one.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

Zhou Ying/Bai Ling from Tai Sui 🥺 my poor white half-demon, hopelessly devoted to his prince... And so few fics with them ;_;

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs?

Plenty. I don't abandon old ones, I just collect them together in my jar of ships and rattle it from time to time, to see how they sparkle together.

But from my most recent and long-term commitments: Weilan, Luolin, Heixie, Luo Qingeng/Jiang Yang (do they have a name???) and BatCat, forever and ever

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Well, the story is a story, so as long as it makes sense that these characters do not end up together, then I am okay with it, that's what we have fanfiction for, right?

BUT

I am still not over that wedding stunt DC Comics pulled with BatCat. Months of teasing, of promising the wedding, the freaking wedding albums being released and then the WEDDING DIDN'T HAPPEN. They broke up instead because Batman has to be the dark, sad, lonely something something and you can't be a hero if you have a wife. 50 years and DC Comics is going backwards in this regard :/

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

Not sure? Nothing comes to mind. But I am very open to being pulled into/converted into ships as long as they are not on my black list, and even then I try to keep an open mind, in case something clicks.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, would've been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

Hah, a lot, because I got into shipping as a teenager. So reading romances about other teenagers felt normal and all but now I don't feel the need to revisit them.

12. What is your favorite crack ship?

Ha. Not today, Satan. One moment I am joking about a crack ship and the next I have 10k words written about it and like 3 sad headcanons and a shipping chart ready.

13. What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

Oh wow, good question. If I like a ship, then I tend to read through the entire Ao3 tag of theirs, sometimes more than once because what if I missed some gem in the first go? So it would come down to the sheer numbers of fics, I think. So that would be either Sterek, Stucky or Eames/Arthur (fun fact: this is also the first fandom that introduced to me the concept of derivs)

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common?

Devotion. Very often the conflict between their feelings and their duties/ loyalty towards something they cared about before they met the other.

I like both sides of the ship to be competent at their respective fields and torn apart by their own choices and priorities. The 'I love you but do I love you enough to abandon everything I am'?. I like both answers more or less equally: both the 'yes, it's us against the world now' and 'I hope we won't meet on the battlefield' are set ups I enjoy immensely. But I also like smart-asses annoying each other into marriage one witty comeback at a time.

15. What you absolutely hate in a ship?

Imbalance of attachment. If the ship seems terribly one-sided, like one character is putting in all of the work and tries and tries, and tries while the other mercifully sometimes acknowledges them, then it's a no for me.

Same with the 'if you patiently wait for this person to like you, even though they told you 10 times they won't, then they eventually will' trope, like someone's love is what you earn through steadiness and hard-work.

I like both parts to be equally unwell about their partner, one way or another. They can be sickeningly domestic and gushing, or they can be crazy in that 'no one defeats him, but me!' kind of way, but they have to be in balance on the insanity scale. I like when characters grow into their relationship and both affect one another, falling more and more in love with each other as they go, but not when one person is a prize the other has to win/outwait/earn.

Thanks again for the tag, that was a nice bit of soul-searching there, very fun 👌😌

Tagging: @baiyubai , @babischlong-six , @mjsakurea, @mejomonster, @elenothar

#tag game #shipping #shipping tag #fandom #marron gets personal

[my-journey-to-recovery]

Are you Ready?

Welcome to my blog! Here you will find scattered thoughts and feelings as I journal through my journey to detox from my addiction of cocaine and alcohol. I’m writing anonymously so that I can write as frankly and honest as I want to without fear of repercussions. Any names mentioned here will have been changed to protect their anonymity also. 

Right, with that said here goes … A bit about me: 

I’m a 37 year old female currently living in a hostel due to a relationship breakdown. I got here about 5-6 months ago and whilst I was already drinking heavily I wasn’t doing any other drugs before I got here. 

Now, I do have a history of cocaine abuse which I had struggled with for about 5 years during my 20’s but got clean with the help of drop in rehab sessions. It’s important to say here that I had only been tempted once in the last 10+ years that I’d been clean - which was about 4 years ago whilst on a night out with my friends - I was drunk and got talking to my friend's boyfriend who told me he had some in his pocket and did I want some? Well of course I fucking wanted some! I’m an addict! So I slyly took the bag off him, went to the toilet of the pub we were in without my friends seeing, sat on the seat and stared at my old nemesis in the face. I opened the bag, dipped my pinky finger in and dabbed the white powder on my gums. I was buzzing! Something however, stopped me from going any further that night. The dab was enough. I placed the bag back in my pocket, gave it back to him and went for a cigarette to seriously consider what I had just done. I ended up going home that night proud that I hadn’t snorted it and told my then girlfriend what had happened. 

Fast forward to the beginning of this year whilst in the hostel and one fateful night when I came across my old friend cocaine again. I was in my neighbour’s room drinking and someone there had a bag. I remember being offered some and thinking fuck it. I don’t know whether it’s because my life is already a train wreck I thought I might as well or what but this time nothing could’ve stopped me from snorting it. 

It was fucking glorious. 

Not that I want to hype it up here or anything but I have to be honest, I loved it and well, there’s the danger - I instantly wanted more and more! So here I am, a few months into the new year with a relapse in my drug taking and continued issues with alcohol. 

I’ve been seeing a woman from my local ‘Recovery Network’ for a while about my drinking and I was honest with her a few weeks back about the recent coke use and she’s suggested I go for a stint in a detox centre. 

I have agreed. We did the referral yesterday and now I’m just waiting for a telephone assessment and a date to go in. I won’t lie, I’m shitting it. ‘Are you ready?’ she asked me. Truthfully? - No. I don’t think I am, BUT I have to change my circumstances in order to change my life. I cannot live in this hostel forever, nor would I want to. I need to get my life back on track so I am willing to try anything. 

Are you guys ready to go on this journey with me? 

#addiction #soberiety #soberliving #alcohol detox #alcoholic treatment #narcotics anonymous #lifestyle blog #blog post

[eiseryn]

2023 Art Summary

I can't believe 2023 is almost over and it's been a whole year! These past few months have passed by in a blur and so I feel like I'm barely holding on 😭 I had a lot of time to draw in the beginning of last year but considerably less time now...

But overall, I'm really proud of my progress as an artist this year! I had more time to draw than usual so I honed some skills and worked on some things this year! You can tell from the first Lei and the last Lei I drew XD I learned how to use filters XD to blend the character into the background!

You can also see that I started the year with Nova (Feb-Apr) and then it became Lei in my fave pieces after LMAOOO. Seriously, the last 4 months just being Vail and Lei alternates is so funny to me XD. This year was truly the year of Lei. I suspect 2024 will also be the year of Lei with vis novel development XD

Going through the months:

January: First illustration of Lei back when the campaign first started. She was supposed to be a cold b*tch but uh... that did not happen. She turned out to be a soft and sweet girl, which also reflects in my later art of her. I still want to revisit girlboss Lei though cuz the shots she took in the campaign were like 😳😳😳

February: Pink Valentines Nova~ Nova is a blue girl but soft pink Nova hits differently. I think this art was cute and I love all the heart elements I put in! (Like in her eyes~)

March: Bubble tea Nova! This was my business card for the first art market I sold stickers at! <-- artist feat of the year? Otherwise didn't draw much art this month XD I was stressed out about my first art market. SOMEONE AT THE MARKET SAW THIS ART, ASKED IF IT WAS MY VTUBER MODEL, AND THEN TOLD ME I SHOULD BECOME A VTUBER. The best compliment I got about this art XD I will remember it forever.

April: Idol Nova… technically I drew it in May but shhh the sketch was done in April. I did this because I did some bday karaoke and this was the piece I got inspired to make after having so much fun there! Here is where I started learning how to use filters to help blend the character into the background!

May: Mermaid Merrow for Mermay! This is the only Mermay piece I did but it remains one of my top art pieces this year… just all the colours are so gorgeous in this one + the BG I'm proud of! I did not post it on tumblr cuz I started posting on tumblr in Aug... LOL. But anyways it's gorgeous and took me like 2-3 days.

June: Bad art month… it was between this and the Leticia sketch I made. I ended up with this one even though I don't like it as much as the sketch because it was at least a fully rendered piece with a background and everything... I don't like the face in it, but I worked hard on the hands! (One of my weaknesses) so there's that! Sometimes it's the little things you're proud of.

July: I really like this outfit I drew for Lei! It's the one I use for refs for her now XD I'm also particularly proud of this one cuz it's a fullbody and it's hard to draw fullbody pieces... But also I just think her outfit looks really good here! And I love how dead and tired her eyes look XD which is her mood by the time she got this outfit during the campaign.

August: It was really hard to pick for August because I had two really good pieces... (actually 3 it turns out) but I picked this one in the end because I think the artist composition was just really good. There are parts I don't like about it anymore, but the lighting was good! And I'm proud I drew all her friends in this too XD the pieces of her heart -- as this art piece is called.

September: Made a GIF of disappearing Vail! Not my first GIF I've made but I like how it turned out + I'm especially proud of the background XD It's not great but I put some effort into it. I could have worked on his pose a little more... but I don't have many good Sept pieces 😭

October: Spent too much effort on a meme. But really proud of the hand and lighting. Especially drawing the cyberpunk lighting cuz that's hard... Also yeah I think I spent close to an hour sketching the hand/ making the hand look decent XD So of course this piece is the one I choose. I also worked on making the BG look decent... and Vail's backview was hard... man... I spent a long time on this piece XD

November: Yandere Vail 😳😳😳 One of the hottest Vail pieces I've drawn and it's for a mafia AU Vail LMAO. I used a reference for this XD which is why the pose looks good.

December: Most recent piece! Had to finish the year with Lei cuz we started with Lei~ This one is a modern AU Lei so it can't quite compare to Lei's canon cyberpunk universe but still~ You can definitely see improvement in my art! Or so I'd like to think. I used a reference for the pose (kind of) and also used a picture for the BG. I'm going to do that a lot next year LMAO just take pics and use them as BGs XD Work smart not hard, right?

Runner-Ups

They're all from Aug + Dec LOL… my most productive art months this year XD

Aug 2: Flash piece! I didn't post this on tumblr either... but it is my former best boy from the campaign (Former b/c Vail took his place LMAO he's too sketchy now). I used a reference for his pose so it turned out pretty good in my opinion? I also like the lighting I did for him! I forgot his earrings though... and his necklace... oops... I'll fix that for the vis novel (cope) -- I do want this to be a CG you get from the vis novel XD cuz I think it looks good XD

Aug 14: Pink Neon Nights - First Vail x Lei piece 🥺😳🥺😳 I gotta admit the hand looks hella funky for Lei BUTTTT I am in love with Vail's smile here 🥺🥺🥺 His fangs and I like how I designed his hoodie~ Plus I like the pink neon lighting from the bar they're at~

Dec 21: Nova's birthday piece~ I hadn't drawn a full illustration for her since August so this piece turned out super good. For some reason her hair became more and more grey as the years passed in the way I drew her XD She's supposed to have white hair with grey tips (oxidation???) But UHMMM I think it's hard to do highlights on white hair so I've been making her hair more and more grey as time passes XD but her hair is white, guys.

Dec 22: Lei's Happy Holidays Card - TBH I don't like how her face turned out here, BUT I like her pose and the way I did her clothing folds XD and I put effort into the BG so there's lots of other elements on this piece I like~

And of course, my most popular piece this year was worm on a string Nova.

A classic TBH. She is still so sad and gorgeous in this piece XD I made it into a sticker to put on my laptop! :)

To more years of art and art improvement! ✨ To a 2024 filled with more self-indulgent OC art ✨ Happy New Year!

#my art #my oc #oc art #original character #art summary #2023 art summary #digital art #artists on tumblr #eiseryn #eiserynn #long post #2023 #year end review #to more years of art #happy new year

[thingsisayinmyhead]

More thoughts about That scene

So, I've seen so much meta analysis (I love it!) of that last scene in Good Omens season 2, but have you considered . . .

(I'm not sure how long until I feel comfortable not adding the "keep reading" link to spoilers - maybe a month. Though I don't know )

So my latest thought out the final scene in episode is that Aziraphale didn't have enough time to process and Crowley has too much.

I don't know how long Crowley waited between Nina and Maggie's talk and Aziraphale's return, but I do know Crowley's brain works very fast and he has a tendency to overthink. He was probably sitting there going over and over his love confession in his head - to the point where it came out kind of garbled ("we're a group of 2"). Like I totally picture that in his head he said, "Angel, you're so beautiful and intelligent. I love you! Will you be mine forever?" At which point he probably pictured Aziraphale melting into his arms. And that might even have worked better. Aziraphale is an incurable romantic and has a bit of a praise kink. (Seriously - he's so hungry for praise-he calls Crowley whenever he's done something clever, he preens when Crowley says "you did a good job" in episode 4, and remember how he batted his eyes at Crowley after being told he was "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" at the end of season 1).

However, even the garbled declaration might have worked except the mess in Crowley's head was nothing compared to the mess in Aziraphale's head.

Aziraphale has just spend an entire night battling demons, including blowing up his halo, which had to have taken a lot of energy. Then come the revelation about Beelzebub and Gabriel, then he sorts out the squabbling Archangels and demons. Then comes the Metatron offering him his dream job. Then comes Crowley's declaration. One revelation after another after another without a break to stop and think and ponder. Not a second to sit and process all that's happened.

And he needs that time - we've seen that over and over again - Aziraphale needs time to think, to process. It took him an entire day to decide what to do about the antichrist - when there were only two days until the end of the world.

So both of the boys were on edge and their nerves were raw before the conversation even began. No wonder it went south so quickly.

#gos2 spoilers #go2 spoilers #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #go s2e6

[olivereactsaboutgarbage]

Higurashi When They Cry - Watanagashi All-Cast Review Session

Okay so you may have noticed that my plan to post more consistently once again didn't work out.

Every time I think my life is done turning itself inside-out I end up being wrong, so: a Pologies to my Many Fans (4) because unfortunately a consistent posting schedule is forever beyond my grasp, and by extension yours

BUT! I was one post away from finishing Watanagashi. And that fact has honestly been bugging the crap out of me. So I'm just gonna write this one post real quick, after which point you'll go back to not seeing me for at least another month I suspect

So I don't really remember what happened in Watanagashi, but basically, Mion was the good guy, right? :)

Nah but in all seriousness, by which I mean in all copium, something I remember considering at the time is that like, making a green person listen to Toddlers being brutalized is only so cruel a punishment for a green person with no personal connection to those Toddlers. Like, there's a certain Cruelty Minimum there which no reasonable person would be especially inclined to exceed, but without any deep familiarity, the Cruelty Maximum can only get so high.

Anyway, Rena is once again glad I read Higurashi. Took her long enough to show a little gratitude, yeesh.

The Toddlers are pissed off again. Mion is reveling in being the center of attention. Good for her.

The Toddlers complain that this should have been a Toddler 01 arc instead of a Mion arc. Rena stares directly into the camera and says "Maybe some other time."

The Toddlers start talking about boobs. For some reason, this summons Camera. It summons Ooishi too, which is the worst tragedy in all of Higurashi.

Camera's girlfriend and Shion also show up, to up the ante from last time when there were only six guys. Keiichi doesn't show up, because he has to always be a punchline.

Toddler 02 uses her thumb to point at Camera and says "I'll have what she's having," while smirking.

Toddler 01 says "Thank god, Higurashi is solved now." Shion says "Yeah duh" Ooishi says "Yeah duh" Toddler 02 says "Haha yeah"

Rena gets increasingly uncomfortable.

Camera's girlfriend says "Y'all're dumbass bitches"

me in court

Mion says that the prior incidents definitely weren't an elaborate Sonozaki conspiracy because no crime family that smart would spontaneously get so stupid.

Rena, Toddler 01, and Ooishi say "Hooray! Team Supernatural Explanations wins!" I forgot that they had that team, but apparently they had that team.

Shion is like "Uh, NO, you dolts don't win, because, uh, it was all Me all along"

me and my friend when we're trying to drop subtle hints that we don't like someone

Everyone decides that it was an elaborate two-person scheme for Mion to make herself into an Absent Scapegoat so everyone would stop thinking about the various incidents. Toddler 02 doesn't think that's true. Camera's girlfriend is like "lol"

Everyone starts talking about how it doesn't make any sense why bad things keep happening to Keiichi.

Ooishi says that Keiichi must be the key to all of this, so Camera speedreads all of Higurashi in 0.00001 seconds to look for clues. He spots nothing.

The Toddlers say that Keiichi must be getting killed as retribution for being sexually aggressive towards Toddlers. "How enviable," says Camera. "Yeah, I wish I was him," says Ooishi.

...guys, stop...

That sounds really hard. I wouldn't bother if I were you...

Anyways that was nice. Goodbye forever

#higurashi #when they cry #is what i'm consuming

[sebeth]

Christmas With The Super-Heroes #2

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

Christmas With The Super-Heroes #2 is DC’s 1989 holiday special. The cover depicts Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern (Hal), Aquaman, Flash, Hawkman, the Atom, Plastic Man, and Nightwing at Santa’s workshop in the North Pole.

The issue opens with “Ex-Machina”, a Superman story by Paul Chadwick. Superman rescues a stranded, highly distressed man during a snowstorm. He directs him to seek shelter at the Kent Farm.

Story: 3 out of 5 stars. I do love a caring Superman.

Next up is Batman in “And In The Depths” by Dave Gibbons and Gray Morrow.

The story opens with contemplation over how long the Batcave has been in existence, Then we get a flashback to a young Bruce discovering the cave and the bats that live within.

We fast forward to Bruce turning into the cave into the Batcave, adopting Dick and Dick becoming Robin. Dick’s presence causes the “darkness” in the cave to recede but Dick leaves for Hudson University, causing the darkness to rush back.

“For some, there is no escape.” Some = Bruce.

“Dark. Cold. Dark as despair. Cold as death. The world can be cruel to the innocent. Lost in the abyss, they may lose sight of the sky. Battered and beaten, they may not remember tranquility. But even as their blood freezes in mortal dread. Even as eternal night seems inescapable.”

The art around these caption boxes depicts a dying robin (a bird) falling to the ground by the memorial case containing Jason Todd’s Robin costume.

The next page depicts a live healthy robin (the bird) flying into the Batcave and chasing off the bats: “Even then the flame of hope may still ignite in their breasts. They may discover strength within. May recognize a greater truth. And may be miraculously saved. For without darkness, light has no meaning. And long though the night has been…it cannot last forever.”

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars.  The only connection this story has to Christmas is there is a Christmas Tree in a panel of the Dick portion of the story. I wasn’t enjoying the first few pages of the story, but it came around. This story was published within a few months of Tim Drake’s first appearance in the Batman series. If only DC had managed to publish this story before Tim’s debut – it would have been such a subtle way to foreshadow the appearance of a new Robin. And to publish it in a non-Batman title! Instant stealth bomb.

The third story is “Gifts”, a Wonder Woman story by Eric Shanower.  Eric Shanower is most known for his epic Age of Bronze comic series so its appropriate he was given the Wonder Woman story. Seriously, if you love Greek mythology, read Age of Bronze. It’s unfinished, it may never be finished, but it is worth it.

This takes place during the George Perez run on the Wonder Woman series so it will feature many of the supporting characters from that era. The story opens with Diana having a nightmare involving Hippolyta, Myndi Mayer (a publicist), Hermes, and Zeus. Diana wakes from the nightmare when Zeus proposes that he and Diana be of “one flesh”. Not gonna lie, that would make me wake screaming in fear too!

We then switch to the home of Julia and Vanessa Kapatelis. Julia is a Greek language/history professor. Diana stayed with the pair in Boston after she first came to “man’s world”. Vanessa would later go on to become the post-Crisis “Silver Swan”. I have no idea if Vanessa is the New 52/Rebirth/whatever era DC is currently in Silver Swan.

Pastor Sharon, an old college friend of Julia, tells her that she recently found out that her husband is having an affair and had filed for divorce?

Was everyone at DC depressed in 1989? The Superman story had a man attempt suicide, Batman’s life is neverending darkness he can’t escape, and Wonder Woman’s story is infidelity and divorce? The stories aren’t exactly spreading the Christmas cheer!

Sharon meets Wonder Woman and they exchange “what do you do for a living?” stories. Diana: “I really don’t consider myself a super-hero. True, I have assisted them and have friends among them, but I do not feel like one of them. I am here to tell this world of the Amazon way of life, to teach your people a new way of living, a way of love and peace.”

Diana, Sharon, and the Kapatelis participate in the traditional holiday events: caroling, baking, and a nice meal. Diana is unable to find sleep later that night.  Sharon is also unable to sleep and the duo talk downstairs. Diana is frustrated by the lack of progress in her mission. Sharon gives her the “fight the good fight” talk.

The story ends with the group exchanging gifts on Christmas morning.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.

The fourth story is “Silent Night” by John Byrne and Andy Kubert. The story features Enemy Ace aka Hans Von Hammer, a German pilot during World War I. There is no dialogue in this story. It takes place on a base that holds wounded soldiers. Enemy Ace lands and delivers care packages. A blonde nurse has him stay and dances with him inside a building. Ace salutes the names of soldiers on a board. Possibly a list of soldiers who had passed away. A wounded soldier attempts to shoot Ace but is stopped by another soldier who has Ace leave. Ace kisses the hand of the blonde nurse and flies away. I haven’t read much of Enemy Ace, so I’m unsure of the dynamics between the characters. Did Ace drop off medical supplies for the other side? Is that why the soldier attempted to shoot him?

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. It’s not a traditional Christmas story – the only “Christmas” aspect is the snow. It is a highly effective example of telling a story with no dialogue.

The fifth story is untitled by Bill Loebs and Colleen Doran. It features Flash (Barry Allen) and Green Lantern (Hal Jordan). Barry is stuck at the Watchtower due to monitor duty. Hal is bored and joined Barry to pass the time. We discover Green Arrow (Oliver Queen) gives Hal a cop of “Das Capital” every year: “I think this is his way of making sure I read it!” Spoiler Alert: Hal still hasn’t read the book.

Barry tells Hal that Wally (the pre-Crisis Kid Flash) gives Barry socks every year – specifically, multiple pairs of yellow socks with tiny blue clocks. Barry now owns 75 pairs of those pairs of socks.

Hal announces that monitor duty is over (even though no one has shown up to replace Barry). Hal wants to go to “some small burg where they know how to have an old-fashioned Christmas”.

The pair change to civilian attire and head to “some small burg”. All they find is rain, grumpiness, and theft. They change back to heroic attire to stop a robbery and encounter C.B Feinster, one of the richest men on earth. He’s also one of the most depressed as he informs the heroes “life is meaningless” and people have “withered, evil, souls”.

The duo decide to prove Christmas is real, so they dress the millionaire in a Santa outfit, conjure up a sleigh, and essentially kidnap him to hand out presents.

By the end of the night, Feinster has gotten into the spirit and goes out of his way to help a homeless family and other residents of the town.

The story ends with Hal wishing Barry a “Happy Hanukkah” and Barry telling Hal “Merry Christmas”.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars. 

The sixth story is “Should Auld Aquaintance Be Forgot”. A Deadman story by Alan Brennert and Dick Girodano.

Deadman, per the theme of this issue, is in a funk: “Christmas is not my favorite time of year. Too much damn goodwill floating around. Not enough for me to do. Too much time alone.” He contemplates visiting Corrigan (aka the Spectre) but decides “he gets little enough normalcy, either”.

Deadman (Boston Brand) pops into a body here and there, enjoys a bit of ice skating, etc, and hops along to a Christmas party. Boston leaves his host and rages: “Damn you, Rama! Is this the reward I get for serving you and your damned lords of order? Am I supposed to be grateful for this?”

A long blonde-haired woman with red earrings asks: “Is that why you do this? For the rewards?”

A startled Brand asks: “You can see me? Who are you, one of Madame Xanadu’s smartass mystic friends?”

The mystery blonde responds: “Me? No, magic and I have never been boon companions, I’m afraid.”

This is where the reader should be paying attention and connecting the dots on the identy of the mystery blonde. I’ve read the story before so I know the answer but I’ll wait to the end of the story for the revelation.

Boston continues: “Then how?”

The mystery blonde responds: “Does it matter? A minute ago you were raging against the gods for being alone. If you want, I can always leave.”

The duo continue their conversation and Boston thinks: “There was something about her…about her tone…that made me feel like a lichen, compared to her. I’d been feeling like Job, and her she was, making me feel like Judas. And I didn’t know why.”

The blonde takes off Boston’s mask to reveal the human face underneath. She tells Boston: “We don’t do it for the glory. We don’t do it for recognition. We do it because it needs to be done. Because if we don’t no one else will. And we do it even if no one knows what we’ve done. Even if no one knows we exist. Even if no one remembers we ever existed.”

The mystery blonde announces she must leave as she business to attend to. Boston stops her: “Who are you? How can you see me? I don’t even know your name.”

The blonde answers: “My name is…”

Yes, the blonde gives her name but I’m withholding for a minute to review the clues:

A long-haired blonde with red earrings

She can see Deadman. Who else can see Deaman but another ghost?

“Magic and I have never been boon companions I’m afraid.”

High standard of morality that makes other heroes feel lesser

She is able to remove Boston’s mask – another indication she is a ghost

The “we don’t do it for the glory” speech: “we do it even if no one knows what we’ve done. Even if no one knows we exist. Even if no one remembers we ever existed”’

Have you guessed her identity? Back to the reveal…

The blonde answers: “My name is Kara. Though I doubt that’ll mean anything to you.”

Boston reflects: “She was right. It didn’t”.

Christmas With The Super-Heroes #2 is the last appearance of the pre-Crisis Supergirl. Kara sacrificed herself in a last stand with the Anti-Monitor in the Crisis on Infinite Earths series. Even if you’ve never read the series, you’ll recognize the cover of a grief-stricken Superman holding Supergirl’s body. Due to the nature of the resolution of the Crisis, Kara’s existence was erased from everyone’s memories and the continuity of the DC Universe. Side note: Kara was awesome when she decided to truly throw down. See the showdown with the Anti-Monitor in the Crisis and her confrontation with Darkseid in the Great Darkness Saga.

The story ends “With respect and admiration for the works of Otto Binder and Jim Mooney. We still remember.”

Binder and Mooney were the creators of Supergirl.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars. It was great to get one last appearance of the original and the greatest Supergirl.

#DC Comics #DCU #Superman #Batman #Robin #Tim Drake #Wonder Woman #Age of Bronze #Enemy Ace #Justice League #Flash #Green Lantern #Barry Allen #Hal Jordan #Deadman #Supergirl #christmas #christmas comics

[undertheknightwing]

my five favorite fics

I'm not really gonna do fav to least fav, these five are my favorite fics I've posted. The ones I'm most proud of and I suggest giving a read if you're bored someday, I'm not going to be spoiling anything just in case. Tagged by the lovely and fellow writer @not-so-mundane-after-all go check out her stuff too! ❤️

coming in at number one, surprise to no one!

1. Escapism

I will sing the praises of this fic forever. It's my pride and joy! I put my everything into this, my heart has been removed from my chest and given to this absolute mess (affectionate) of hurt/comfort. I take a lot of pride in this bad boy, it's my baby. I've been planning it since last summer, writing out timelines and ripple effects, it's my first fic that's written like a tv show with episodes instead of feeling like one big movie and it's so much fun! It's currently at 8 chapters, which is a big deal to me since I always struggled with keeping motivation for fics with long chapters, but chapters 9 and 10 are in the works now. This project has been so special to me, whether I end up finishing it or not (because it's huge) it'll always the fic I'm the most proud of and look back fondly on, it's like the 'favorite stuffed animal' of my fics. It's always gonna be around and I'll always adore it. The content and hard work I put into it aren't the only things that make it special though, writing it helped me meet one of my best friends @mombosslois , I don't even know if I would have gotten this far if it wasn't for her friendship and support. Seriously, one person can make such a big change in your life and it's amazing ❤

and to the mysterious accountless "J" who left a comment being very interested about Jon's storyline.. if that was you Jordan Elsass, I'm glad you like the fic and don't worry your boy has a lot coming his way. He is a main character, after all 😌

2. A Very Merry Crossover Christmas

I had so much fun writing this fic! I always wanted to write a Titans and Superman & Lois crossover fic that, unlike Escapism, had the whole core four interacting with the Kents and it ended up as humorous and sweet as I hoped it would. I wanna write a crossover like that again some time soon, like a summer vacation, because there's still so much to write about when the Graysons and Kents are together lol

3. Weaponized Fear

From Christmas to Halloween. This fic was planned and wrote for Gar and Gar only, there are no other characters in it until the very end. Everything is about him and how getting infected by Scarecrow's fear toxin made him have to meet his biggest fears face to face. It was a fic made to fill in the huge blanks in Gar's character like backstory and inner thoughts but all brought to life in a spooky way.

4. Colorful Tigers and Painted Sleeves

This one was a gift for @not-so-mundane-after-all . I wanted to give her a friendship gift and wanted it to be based off of her headcanon of Rachel getting paint on Dick's jacket sleeves. It took me months to think of the perfect storyline, I went through many different versions. Most were super angsty with Rachel’s reasoning for painting being she was scared of what was going to happen to Dick/or Gar and tried to get her mind off it because one version had Nightwing getting seriously harmed on a mission and another had Beast Boy. I'm more than glad with that version I ended up writing, more fluff and wholesome moments than anything and Rachel’s reasoning for painting is a lot better, in my opinion.

5. A Group of Crows is Called A Murder

I remember blanking out so badly on a name and just going with the title you see above just because I couldn't think of anything else and now it's one of my favorite fic titles 😂😂 It's pretty much just "dad rage mode" the fic, an au of 3x04 where Scarecrow uses Gar as a tool to mess around with Dick's brain a little, bringing up all his guilt and regret for what he allowed to happen to Gar and CADMUS because he refused to stay.. which is really something season 3 should have brought up but magical three month time skips erase all. I oddly really love this fic's vibes, reading it makes me think of Scarecrow as a wolf circling and hunting Nightwing who'd be a bird of prey carefully watching every move Scarecrow makes. It's pretty cool.

#tag game #dc titans #titans #superman and lois #cods.fics

[strbry-kat]

09.11.22

Things have gotten a bit better, but I truly wish the phone call went better. I asked you how you were able to move on so fast, what happened between us, it was so sudden. The whole time I thought you would give me at least some understanding but you were judging me the whole time.

So what's new?

You told me I victimized myself too much and that was part of the reason why we broke up. I agree, I wasn't the best partner for the last few weeks and I wish I hadn't just because I was insecure and scared of losing you. We were codependent on each other. I agree it wasn't healthy, but we could have easily worked it through. I had hope in us that we could.

You told me since the end of April, you were wanting to impress other people and weren't feeling the relationship. It was on and off, though, so you kept holding on. I wish you had told me, I wish you had talked to me instead of leading me on and making me think we would literally have children together. I believed in those 4 months that you loved me and your love only grew. I feel so foolish for thinking so and I feel so foolish for not seeing how you were drawing away.

You told me that you had put me above yourself and made me your world. I loved that you made me your world, but I didn't want you to sacrifice yourself for me. I had always told you to put yourself first, over me, no matter what. I thought that you made me your world because you loved me, not because you felt as though you were obliged to just because I'm high maintenance. Yes, I'm a person who needs a lot of love and attention, but you always made me believe that you could provide that for me and that's why I appreciated you so much and thought you were the one. I just wanted to be loved and appreciated and have someone who could be my best friend and partner. You provided me that and that's why I fell so deeply. I didn't want you to think loving me was too hard and feel like a burden. So what's wrong with me? You told me I wouldn't be too hard to love. So why?

The distance was another thing. Gosh, for months, for the two years we were together, I was always so scared the distance was going to break us up. And it did. Even though you promise it wouldn't. Even though you said you would wait. Even though I tried and I tried and we tried. It would've just been 9 more months, at most, and then we could've seen each other all the time. You already waited two years, why not the 9 months? You found someone else though. Someone at the same school who you could see all the time, go out with, love all the time. But why not me? Why couldn't you wait a little longer for me when I was already willing to wait for you for a lifetime if I had to.

I asked why you were able to move on so fast and whether the love you had for me was genuine the last few weeks. You said something along the lines of "of course it did, why are you taking everything I did for you the last two years with a grain of salt?" I wasn't. I appreciate that you made me who I am today, that you made me soft, that you helped me love and appreciate the smaller things in life, that you reignited most of my passions, and that you did so much for me when you didn't have to. But did you remember all of the things I did for you too? Staying with you even when I had to ruin my relationship with my whole family and going through abuse because I believed in us? Losing all of their trust. Coming out to my parents when I wasn't ready because I thought we were going to be married in the future anyways? Going through the days where it felt like you didn't love me because I knew I was just being insecure and anxious and didn't ask for reassurance because I was scared you weren't going to take it seriously? Dedicating everything in my life to you and us and doing everything, having every thought, every waking moment revolving around you? Talking about you, about us, how happy you made me to almost everyone I meet because I was so sure that we would be forever. So, yeah, our relationship was my everything because you gave me the hope that it would be forever.

I can't just get over you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't just make the breakup clean and mature. I'm sorry that I'm still in love with you because when we broke up, I was still daydreaming about us building a family and waking up to each other every morning and having those dreams be my reason to sleep, and you were thinking about how to break it to me gently and ready to leave. I'm sorry for freaking out that you were dedicating songs you gave me to someone else because you still gave me hope and I believed you really had loved me. I'm sorry that I'm still talking to my friends about what you did because we had major miscommunications and they couldn't comprehend how the person who I always talk about and who showed me so much love would be able to move on so fast. I'm sorry for not moving on yet even though "there are simple steps like deleting photos and taking stuff out of my room" when I smiled the brightest when I was with you and you reached my heart and soul like no other and when I think of your smile and the love you had for me I melted in an instance. I'm sorry for not understanding how the person who looked at me with so much love, softness, and care would be able to move on so fast.

I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry for the fact that I won't be able to rewind and fix us and fix all of my mistakes. I'm sorry for the fact that I still miss you but know that you don't miss me at all. I'm sorry for the fact that I still have hope and that I wish every single night for you to still love me because right now I feel so unloved and I just want for you to be proud of me that I'm going through this so strong.

Up until now, no one has been able to love me like you do. Be proud of me like you were, think I was the most beautiful person in the whole universe, cheer for me like you did, care for me like you did.

I'm stuck in a limbo of hating myself for messing up but hating you because you made your own mistakes, too. Stuck between being mad and upset and being sad and anxious. Stuck in the limbo of wondering why I wasn't enough and knowing that I just wasn't what you wanted and I shouldn't settle for that. Stuck in the limbo of wanting to let us try again if you let us and not wanting to at all because you've destroyed me the past two weeks. There's just so much to feel. Right now, the most overwhelming emotion is that I miss you. Followed by the hurt of knowing you don't miss me or want me.

Today was a hard day. Not completely back in square one, but not where I was before. I unfollowed you. I haven't looked at your story. I wonder if you went through your views to see if I did. I'm scared of taking naps now because every time I wake up I have waves of anxiety because I don't know where you are and it sets in that I lost you. This is so hard. I wish you were here to hold me.

I will be okay. I get everything I want, so what comes will come and I am happy and secure. So for now, if I'm not okay, then I'm not. I give myself permission to miss you and the potential of us. I give myself to love you selfishly even if you don't feel the same. I give myself the time and space to heal and move on because I know what I felt for you was strong enough that it wouldn't just take a week or days even if it was like that for you.

Everything will be okay.

#someone be proud of me #heartache #moving on #sad thoughts #words #lesbian heartbreak #break up #emotions #feelings

[reverie-starlight]

vent post. I talk about grieving the loss of a parent in depth and my experience with it/trauma response over the last year. it’s basically just me validating myself and finally putting into words what I haven’t been able to properly explain verbally. 

Grieving is so weird when you don’t really know how to process it properly... within the last 6 years I’ve lost 3 mother figures, including my actual mother. I lost my grandfather when I was 4 or 5, I don’t remember. Each experience was so different. I was younger when my grandmothers died, 12 and 14, and I was very very very close to both of them. I thought that I knew the grieving process by time my mom died, but this is like nothing I’ve ever dealt with before. 

Today is my mom’s one year death anniversary and I’ve barely cried. When I was younger, I used to cry anytime someone even mentioned either of my grandmothers, anniversary or not. It took me years to be able to talk about them without choking up. With my mom? I was using humor to cope on the day it happened. I can talk about her no problem.  

I’ve always been extremely emotional, very sensitive, so when I acted different this time around, it scared me, ig??? Cause I never thought I would handle it as well as I did/am. I guess it comes with growing up and gaining more emotional intelligence, but I think it also goes beyond that. 

My mom was diagnosed with cancer in October 2020, she died July 2021. So I’ve been in my version of crisis mode for a little more than a year now. It hasn’t ended. I went into it a month before she died, and I haven’t come out of that headspace since. I think being in that mode subconsciously is keeping me from grieving healthily. 

In the past year, I’ve cried maybe less than 30 times about it? maybe. Holidays and significant dates haven’t really upset me as much as I thought they would, which resulted in me getting angry at myself, and being terrified that I’m actually incapable of feeling emotions as deep as I used to from now on. Scared that I really am becoming numb. 

I think it also makes it worse that I wasn’t actually with her when it happened. She was in the hospital for about a month before she came home for about a week, and I was staying with family for a few days when it happened. I didn’t see a body, I had to say my goodbyes over the phone, and the next time I was with her, she was in an urn. So for me, it was really hard to grasp that she was dead. It still is. Physically she’s gone. I know that. But I already wasn’t seeing her for a month before she died. So for a while I was like... okay this is just like when she was in the hospital. I’m never going to see her again... but she’s just away right now. Like she’s taking a long trip and missing her is useless because she’s

And then it hits me randomly that I am now a girl without her mom. Full force, gasping, sobbing to point of not being able to breathe, lots of emotional pain.

And then I go back to my new state of normal, feeling fine and just... detached from the fact that she’s gone. 

Everything I know was turned around, nothing feels the same but everything feels the same. It’s weird. Time doesn’t feel real either, because there’s no way it’s been a year, she only died a few months ago, didn’t she? People aren’t seriously moving on already are they? And then I’ll remember that yes, people lost her, but they didn’t lose their mother or their wife or their best friend. That’s just me and my dad. And everyone is waiting for us to move on too, excluding my mom’s best friend who I am pretty sure is an actual angel. She’s been so so so amazing to us. 

Like I said in my grief comfort fic, I don’t like the term “moving on” in relation to grief, I prefer “moving forward”. You don’t move on when you lose your loved one, that pain stays with you forever. You move forward with it and adapt to it. It changes you in so many ways, so moving on is impossible. Moving forward is doable. Somehow I managed to do that for a whole year, even if it didn’t feel that long. Even if I didn’t realize I was doing it. Even if I don’t realize I am moving forward now. 

It’s been a year and I haven’t processed shit, at least not in a normal way. I’ve just been going through the motions of it and trying to cope and doing my best, even if deep down it doesn’t feel real. 

There isn’t some sort of revelation in this post, or advice or perspective I’m trying to give, I’m just writing this to get my own thoughts in order. My inbox is always open if you want someone to relate to about grief or need a shoulder to cry on. 

If you actually read all that, thanks! also i’m sorry. 

hope you all have a nice day/night <3

#tw: grieving #vent post #grieving #reverie rambles

[libertyreads]

July TBR--

Having seen the sheer volume of reading I’ve done just half way through the year, I’m trying to dial it back this month. I only physically own 5 of the 9 books I plan on reading this month. I have a few NetGalley ARCs I plan on reading for the rest of Christmas in July and a book on my Kindle that I plan on getting to in July.

1. In the Event of Love by Courtney Kae (NetGalley)-- An event planner must go back home to her small town following a terrible faux pas that becomes the next trending hashtag. She plans to strategically work her way back into the event space if she can just avoid getting sucked back into small town life and a girl who broke her heart.

2. Just Like Magic by Sarah Hogle (NetGalley)-- When Bettie is cut off around Christmas time, she finds her self listening to Christmas records and wallowing which somehow leads to the appearance of one Christmas spirit named Hall. Can Bettie channel this Christmas spirit and learn to live with goodwill for all men? Or will she find herself stuck in her old selfish ways?

3. Lucky Girl by M. Rickert (NetGalley)-- A struggling writer meets four people at a diner and decides to invite them to her home for Christmas. As an ice breaker, she asks everyone to tell a ghost story that is seasonally appropriate. This leads to Horror/Thriller type things happening. This is supposed to be pretty short and it’s my attempt to be funny by having this in my Christmas in July TBR. (As in, oh, the horror, Christmas in July is over.)

4. Lumberjanes Vol. 19: A Summer to Remember by Shannon Watters-- I’m getting close to the end of this series so I’ll keep the synopsis short. This series follows the girls of the Roanoke cabin at Miss Qiunzilla Thiskwin Penniqiquil Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hard-Core Lady-Types. In each volume they face a different Fantastical beast and the reader gets a glimpse into this camp’s history.

5. Persepolis Rising by James S.A. Corey-- Book number...7? In the series? Oh wow. Really? I feel like I’ve been reading this series forever and also like I just picked it up. This is a series set in the future where the humans have moved into space and developed their own governments and worlds. This far in the series it’s hard to explain the plot without giving stuff away. But this is a hard sci-fi that is done so well with wonderful characters.

6. Chamber of Secrets

7. Winter’s Orbit by Everina Maxwell-- This one is on my 40 Books Before 40 TBR and I’m excited to get to it this month. I don’t know a ton about this one. I know that this is a more political Science Fiction novel. It had a ton of hype around the time I wrote that list and it has died down a bit so hopefully that puts me in a better place to enjoy this one.

8. Moonshine and Magnolias by Abigail Sharpe (Kindle)-- This is the final book in the romance anthology that I purchased on Kindle forever ago. I seriously cannot remember when I got it. But I’ve only really been able to read it off and on since some of the romances have been so bad. I’m hoping the final one is better. Save the best for last and all that. Hotel manager Wendy’s life is put on hold when she inherits an inn. She works with her cousin in the charming small town to get the place up and running so she can get back to her life in Atlanta. And falling in love with a local wasn’t on the agenda.

9. The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes-- A girl is shocked when she finds out that a Texas billionaire has left her his fortune in his will. The only stipulation is that she must stay at the mansion for a full year in order to inherit. The only problem? She’ll be living with the family that has been disinherited. This one is more puzzles and riddles than Knives Out, but there are definitely some of those vibes. Plus rich people problems? Who isn’t there for that?

I’m excited to wrap up Christmas in July, but I’m even more excited to continue reading The Expanse series and the Lumberjanes volumes. As well, I get a couple of fun rereads this month.

#July tbr #monthly tbr #to be read #to be read pile #to be read shelf #books #books to read in 2022 #2022 tbr #2022 monthly tbr #bookish