#but you are welcomed to argue actually! i might have a bit of lacking perspectives here

[katyspersonal]

BLOODY CROW VS ALBERICH

Who is winning the edgelord contest?

LMAO. I see you still haven't learned to stop pitting the kings against each other sjffhdsd Well, I actually think Alberich might win this one..? xD

Okay, so, Bloody Crow is, indeed, edgy: he is one of the guardians of the vampire queen using the sword that he powers up with the blood and that keeps draining from his life force, he is heavily implied to hunt the hunters themselves to get the blood dregs from them (hence the affiliation, and the heresy to what Hunters of Hunters should REALLY do; feed corpses to the birds). His look ALONE is pretty edgy; he has all the Cainhurst drip but chest piece is the cape inspired by crow feathers, and he is also one of like, three survivors of the castle ruined by religious fanatics, still latching onto what he knew despite not being able to return (Annalise tells us we are her only affiliate after we contract with her).

So like, yeah, why would Alberich win? Because of the term you used, lol! xD 'Edgelord' would imply like... humorously, comically, unnecessarily over-the-top with angst and blood and all against the society, and honestly, Crow is more serious (dare I say, tragic?) character than meets the eye! Besides, the 'edginess' of his weapons is reduced because it is just normal covenant weapon for them!

Alberich though? Like I mentioned, if you remove his hat in alteration of outfits, you can see similar process with Azur and Lusat, but with bloody glintstones instead of their comet ones. I don't even know whether he did that to himself, or he was likewise an exiled criminal; he uses cold sorceries as well, and Staff of the Sinner/Guilty/whatever? I feel as though nothing about his data suggesting any eyes injury or absence (unlike, say, with the sisters) implies that he inflicted the blindness on himself by never taking the bandage, because he JUST decided bloody sorcery was cooler, hahaha. Regardless of the interpretation, dude is edgy. Again, the blood glintstones are reviled as they're brought by stabbing (if not killing) other people! The dude also uses his own blood to create spiky bloody vines - sorry, but this is MORE edgy than simply coating the sword in the blood that is already IN the sheath; Crow doesn't even STAB himself, unlike Maria!

But more importantly? He is said to be asocial in general, keeping away from people. ...and he was driven mad by "jeering tongues", whereas dropping an item Taunter's Tongue that is golden in color, whereas Ensha is stated to have golden bones, whereas he doesn't speak, so I conclude Alberich cut out his tongue for talking shit about him! Like!! Okay, look, that is VERY edgy! Like, unnecessary over-the-top reaction, that I think Bloody Crow would not have had! In fact, I believe Crow might even enjoy it if people talk shit about him? And I feel like Crow has more merit to needing to keep away from the society with his story and goals, whereas Alberich is more on the "studying heretical magic that those plebs just won't "understand"" side!

^^^ that's Alberich with blood glintstones when he appears in the Roundtable Hold frrrrrr fhdhds xddd

...but also, Alberich is wearing blood glintstones on his clothes. It is like, showing off how many people he stabbed, since blood turns into them. Crow doesn't really show off his 'crimes' like that.

Honorable mentions: 1) Me and @val-of-the-north headcanon that Alberich enjoys consuming blood, like adding it in the tea or whatnot, and that is WITHOUT any vampiric implications, which is edgier 2) If theory about Gideon being his father holds up, that'd give Alberich HEAVY daddy issues, which would add to the angstiness. 3) I just... like, if I had to choose which one of these characters would give a villain speech full of oddly specific, even petty grudges, I'd totally pick Alberich! I feel like Crow would either not even honor his opponent with a word unless seriously pissed off (by refusing to die fast enough? xD), or he would be kind of on point.

______________

Argh. This ask had no business being THIS hard. These characters do not even have a darn dialogue, I have to walk in the dark and base my judgement on headcanons. ;-; Please never do it again.

#ask replies #bloodborne #bloody crow of cainhurst #elden ring #mad tongue alberich #woe! fromsoft's superwholock be upon ye! #bloodborne headcanons #elden ring headcanons #this is not even my final form but i started to get frustrated by how hard this question was! #so sorry i will stop here!!!! #but you are welcomed to argue actually! i might have a bit of lacking perspectives here #maybe i am wrong or maybe I am right BUT missed a detail or two! #please help xd

[pentition]

I'd love to babble about portia, sandrock and especially Pen to you! My brains is a little covid addled though so depth might be a bit lacking. (I've been feeling better slowly but steadily, but this shit is not a normal flu, fuck this everything tastes extremely bitter or like nothing. Sadness.)

As for Pen and the new sandrock update, I felt like that mission with Pen training you genuinely really revealed a lot about his character. I can't really put it into words right now. But I genuinely like him, despite what he did. I don't think he is entirely black and white. And while it's not the same 100%, as a perfectionist and someone who is always thinking about how others perceive me I can relate somewhat.

Oh gosh, that's awful. Don't push yourself if you're unwell! (●´□`)♡ I've somehow dodged Covid all this time (as I punch a hole through the nearest wooden object, lmao) so I'm not even going to pretend I understand how crummy you must feel. I hope it passes asap with no aftermath issues to deal with!!

Also to anyone reading: SPOILERS! I hope putting it like that always draws the eye, haha.

I agree, I can't see him as a black and white character either. What he decides is worth spending his time on says a lot to me, honestly. Like in Simply the Best, I feel like what he says leading up to the mission to be really interesting. It shows Pen is potentially self-aware of himself and what he is as a super soldier.

He has "unconventional tastes" with dates and only "feels alive on the battlefield". It's also the only time we see him freely complimenting the Builder separate from himself, iirc. Also using the term 'love' in a few ways.

To me, it came across like Pen was trying to take it more seriously and that was likely new to him. He broached the subject of what interested him and made it clear enough to the Builder, acknowledged attraction physically and wanting to see if it went beyond that. Almost like he was voicing in his own way a manner of uncertainty and poking around to see if this whole 'true love' thing was real. Real and mutual. All sandwiched between his usual egotistical comments about himself we know and expect (and love).

But that's also interesting to me because in his role, if he's really a Knight, or by just being an experimented upon super soldier - I imagine he could be someone important to Duvos. Not to say Duvos cares about their soldiers, we have no real proof of that. But if he was a successful experiment, as it seems, that may be what warranted this ego in the first place. So maybe the idea of sharing yourself with someone else, or finding them even good enough, probably is something he thinks is reasonable to be picky with.

Also even if there was the chance the Builder was accepting of him if they learned the truth then it's even more imperative they are worth something to Duvos. Pen vouching because he loves them as their super soldier I don't think is enough for them to accept a non-Duvos citizen. At least, that's my impression given how everyone seems to regard both the country and its people so far.

I feel like Pen is always saying more than what it seems. Combat tutorial was funny and great but you could say he was also just trying to assess someone new on the board. You can argue the whole heart knot acceptance and romance mission is a manipulation scheme but that still makes me ask why. Why is that worth his time when there are surely easier people to turn into his fans or have fawn over him? Was he just bored and is actually nasty and cruel? I don't think from his perspective that the Builder is a threat, not until Knives Out hits and they have potentially met Logan after taking a fall. Then there's a slightly awkward 'welcome back' from him that seems torn between acknowledging it as your pal/partner Pen and Duvos's spy Pen.

Gosh I'm rambling but yeah, I don't think he's black and white. I think he is all the things he presents all at once. It's just a matter of how self-aware he is in that moment, or how much he cares. The context of the situation and who is present. But either way, the perception of others means a lot to him given both his true role and the protector role. And I think that carries over to how the Builder perceives him, just in a more personal manner the more they get on.

It makes me want more romance missions with him and all that content just to see more of him in contexts outside of what we consider his norm.

#musings #i'm really not trying to word vomit on these asks but you guys set my brain off lmao #pen

[garden-of-islam]

Mind the Gap

I think we can mostly agree that the world is a glorified dumpster fire. Most people are doing their best to get by in all manner of inhumane conditions. While I believe down to my bones that Islam is the truth, I am not here to talk about sin or fixing your life on an individual level. That's actually your job to deal with and my hands are full of my own problems. However, I will speak from a framework that assumes Islam is the truth. Please respect that. And please respect my choice not to correct others in their comment sections - I would ask that you show the same respect and kindness to me. What I say here is meant to approach what I perceive to be the root of the problem so that it can be addressed. What is welcome in my comment section are open discourse and questions of all kinds.

I would like to begin by drawing the reader's attention to the concept of Ethnocentrism. It is as relevant as it ever has been, and bearing this in mind will likely help you to maintain an open mind and open heart while approaching a topic that comes tied to fear by design. We can't have an honest discussion about religion and simultaneously ignore the reality of culture or death. Additionally, all peoples of the world report religious trauma, religious abuse, and bad actors within their belief systems. You might suggest that some communist regimes are exempt but I would argue that they're merely replacing a God worthy of worship with something Earthly as the ultimate concern. Abuse, abuse as far as the eye can see. But does this prove that God does not exist? Or does it simply prove that Man is rather an expert at losing his way?

In the West, and in other westernized parts of the world that have been subject to extensive Christian missionary work, we tend to frame our worldview from the perspective of Christianity. Atheism is a rejection of Christianity. Satanism is framed around the Christian perspective of Satan or what remains after we reject the Christian notion of God. We see Islam as the naughty little cousin of Christianity and it is frequently associated with war and hatred in the news and other media. It remains a stone that is not worth turning over, as it is likely harboring rot underneath. However, it is increasingly more common for people to turn over and adopt the wisdom found underneath many of the other stones. These traditions also have histories of violence but they aren't well publicized and therefore, seem to lack the moral and ethical conflicts that need to be hurdled in order to adopt them. Fish are also prone to swallowing hooks when all they see is the worm. Then again, nobody leaves the Catholic church over the knowledge of the Crusades or the Spanish Inquisition. There are certainly multiple standards in play.

Bare with me as I dig a bit deeper. The Ummah is in shambles. We fail to unify over disagreements as trivial as those found in the American Leftist movement today. When new converts come to the religion, members are quick to correct and slow to assist. We seem to assume that the fitra will float right back to the top despite the fact that it took 23 years for the Prophet ﷺ to receive the Qur'an and teach his companions how to behave as proper Muslims. Growing up as a heritage Muslim makes one forget that while Islam may be easy to practice once known and understood, it is difficult to learn. We let centuries old disputes about leadership divide us to this day though I would argue this history is what preserved the faith in its entirety, unlike the distorted paths our cousins in faith would come to follow. Despite not having a clerical structure, anyone (but let's be real, I'm talking about women) not appearing Muslim enough online is subject to verbal injury, but once you cross the line of appearing too Muslim, nobody outside of the fold of Islam will see your content. Thanks algorithm! Additionally, discussing sins is a huge taboo in the faith because we believe that God covers our sins and exposing them will force us to bear the additional weight of them on the Day of Judgement. This makes it difficult, if not impossible, to speak candidly and openly about the cultural bridge that must be built in order to span the educational divide.

Showing my hair AND being knowledgeable at the same time has the potential to provide western women with courage and comfort in knowing that they can ease into the myriad changes they will face if they make the decision to convert. Unfortunately, it also acts as an invitation to my brothers and sisters to correct me, often in shamelessly abusive ways. Where is YOUR haya? Are you incapable of understanding that there might be something going on here that you aren't aware of? Wearing the half niqab is labeled as too conservative and invites others to remind me of my oppressed status for not showing my face. But here I sit in my apartment in the most comfortable chair wearing a headband and a ponytail, and you can't see my face, and nobody can complain about either because these are merely words on a screen.

Dear reader, do you know what Muslims believe? If you yourself believe that Christianity is corrupt, why do you not learn more about the faith that agrees with you? Or has your greater culture made you so afraid of "Arabic things" that you couldn't possibly consider turning over that stone? It's not like the media would consistently lie. Where's the benefit in that?

For dessert, here's a link to a free PDF introducing the Islamic perspective of Jesus.

Until next time, insha'Allah.

#islam #religion #muslim ummah #convert to islam #spirituality #spiritual awakening #quran #muslim #la ilaha illa allah

[shemarmooresfedora]

Home

Series Summary: After being arrested, Spencer Reid desperately tries to get back home to his daughter, Camellia, who was placed into foster care in your home.

Pairing: Single!Dad!Spencer x Foster!Mom!Reader

Content/Warnings: mentions of abandonment, unwanted sexual advances (outside character to spencer), swearing, mentions of cheating (doesn’t actually happen), happy ending

Word Count: 2.4k

Masterlist

Chapter 10

You woke up with Spencer’s arm lazily draped over your waist. Rain was pitter-pattering against the window.

You rolled over and cuddled yourself into Spencer’s chest.

“Good morning,” he hummed contently.

“G’morning,” you sleepily mumbled.

“Is my little angel tired from last night?” he asked.

“Very,” you nodded, “Do we have to pick Callie up from her sleepover?”

“She’s staying there until after her soccer practice. I have to go back to my house and get some more clothes to bring over here but other than that, my day is wide open,” he gently stroked your hair.

“I just have two appointments later in the day so I’ll have to go into the office this afternoon,” you yawned.

“I’ll make us breakfast,” Spencer tried to shift out from underneath the covers.

“Or…” you wrapped your arms around him once again, “We can get breakfast on the way to your house and then I get some extra cuddle time.”

“Sounds good to me,” Spencer pressed a kiss to your forehead.

-

“Um hello?” Spencer asked as you both approached the woman standing at his front door.

She turned around and Spencer’s eyes practically bulged out of his head.

“Spencer!” she ran to hug him.

Spencer refused to unclasp his hand from yours, making it very clear he had no intention to return the hug.

“What are you doing here, Austin?”

Austin. This was Callie’s mother. The woman who abandoned them both.

“I’m in between jobs right now, figuring out my purpose in life, you know? I just took a bus and ended up back here again. Got me thinking I should stop by and check in,” she smiled like this was just a casual visit from a friend.

“You wanted to stop by after 11 years and no goodbye?” Spencer asked incredulously.

“I could also use a place to crash for a few days. How’s Camellia doing? Does she still do that thing where she twitches her little nose? I always loved that.”

“Don’t act like you know my daughter at all,” Spencer seethed.

“Spencer,” you got in between them, putting your hands on his chest to calm him down.

You turned to Austin, “One second.”

You led Spencer back down the steps, “Look, I know what she did was very wrong but she did give you the greatest gift of all, Callie, so maybe you could invite her over for dinner and she could just sleep on the couch for the night?”

“Just one night?” Spencer confirmed.

“If you don’t do this now, Callie will probably just track her birth mother down later in life without you there to supervise. Lots of my past foster kids have and it doesn’t always end well.”

“Fine,” Spencer relented, heading back up the front steps.

“You can stay with us for one night,” Spencer emphasized, “I will be watching you the whole time you’re with Callie.”

“Deal!” She clapped her hands excitedly.

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you introduced yourself, opting to not give a label.

“Nice to meet you,” she replied with a sickeningly sweet smile.

She loaded her few bags of belongings into the back of the car as you and Spencer grabbed some more of his clothes from inside.

Spencer opted to drive so you headed to the passenger side. Austin grabbed the car door handle at the same time as you.

“Oh I’m sorry, were you going to sit here?” she feigned politeness.

“Yeah, I was,” you narrowed your eyes.

Spencer rolled the window down, “Austin, there’s plenty of room in the back.”

“Oh, of course!” she nodded enthusiastically.

You buckled as Spencer placed his hand on your thigh, in view of Austin. You settled in for the most awkward car ride of your life.

-

“Can’t you cancel? Please don’t leave me here with her,” Spencer begged as you got ready to go in for work.

“I would if they were just check-ups but Timmy has a rash I need to check out and I need to write a script so Jessica can get a refill on her medication. If you really don’t want to be alone with her, come with me,” you replied.

“I would but I also don’t trust her enough to leave her alone in your house,” Spencer sighed.

“I’ll be back in an hour,” you kissed him, “An hour and a half tops.”

“What do I even say to her?”

“You don’t have to say much. You’re already being generous enough to let her see Callie for the night. Just make dinner while I’m gone. You could offer her a bath or something if you want her to get out of your hair,” you suggested.

-

Spencer had offered Austin a bath so he didn’t have to deal with the awkward silence while you were gone.

He got to work cooking Rossi’s famous pasta for dinner, dicing onions and boiling the water. He would check the clock every minute and started a countdown in his head of when you would return home.

He heard the water drain from the tub upstairs.

Fuck, he thought, at least 10 more minutes until you’re home.

Austin sauntered down the stairs after her bath in just her bra and underwear, wearing one of Spencer’s unbuttoned dress shirts over top.

Spencer’s hands flew to cover his eyes, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Hopefully you,” she smirked.

“I have a girlfriend, well it’s not official yet but I am very much committed to her,” Spencer stated.

“If it’s not official,” she drew closer, “Then, this wouldn’t be cheating.”

“I don’t care if it’s technically not cheating. I only have interest in Y/N,” Spencer spoke firmly, his hands still over his eyes.

“Just once, Spence…for old time’s sake,” she whispered in his ear.

“No,” Spencer backed up further into the pot of sauce he was cooking for dinner, spilling a bit of the hot liquid on himself.

Spencer opened his eyes at the burning sensation, “Now look what you did,” he sighed frustratedly, starting to undo the buttons of his shirt, “I have to soak this before it stains. I can’t believe you. Why would you think this is okay?”

“Just go wash your shirt, Spencer,” Austin rolled her eyes.

Spencer, being so angry, didn’t hear the door open.

“I’m not finished with you, Austin,” he stared her down.

He heard a squeak from the other side of the room. You were standing there, fresh tears running down your face.

Spencer looked down at his unbuttoned shirt, Austin’s lack of clothes, and recalled the last thing he said.

“Y/N, it’s not what it looks like-” he tried to run after you but you were already out the door, slamming it behind you.

Spencer scrambled outside to where you were starting your car back up again.

“Y/N,” he frantically tapped against the car window, “Please let me explain.”

You didn’t even turn to face him, shifting the car into reverse and peeling out of the driveway.

Spencer stormed back inside, grabbing Austin’s bags, “Get the fuck out of Y/N’s house and get the fuck out of my family’s life.”

“But Callie isn’t even home yet,” she argued.

“Good,” Spencer yelled, “Because it took you less than 3 hours for your true colors to show again. You care about nothing! You didn’t want anything to do with us then so you don’t get to have anything to do with us now,” Spencer escorted her towards the door, “I will not hesitate to file for a restraining order if I see you near me, Y/N, or my daughter ever again.”

“Can I at least change?” she asked as Spencer threw her bags on the front step.

“You were plenty comfortable showing me who repeatedly told you no so might as well show the whole neighborhood,” he slammed the door in her face.

-

How dare he? In your house. Probably in your bed.

You went back to your office because Spencer couldn’t even leave you the dignity to retreat back to your own safe space that was now tainted with bad memories.

Luckily, you had a few pairs of spare clothes that you always kept in the office and a fully made cot in case a patient needed to rest. You settled yourself on the bed, letting the tears begin to fall again, drenching your pillow as you let sleep take over.

-

“Please pick up please please please,” Spencer begged.

“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. I can’t come to the phone right now-”

Spencer hung up and hit his head against the steering wheel. He had already said what he needed to say in the previous 20 voicemails, followed by the additional 30 calls he made every 15 minutes, hoping you would pick up.

“At least you’re not blocked?” Callie tried her hardest to put a positive spin on it.

She didn’t know the full story, coming home after soccer practice to see her dad crying on the couch. Spencer told her that her mother had come back and hurt Y/N’s feelings badly because that was essentially what happened, right?

Spencer had been replaying the situation over and over in his head. Yes, it looked bad from the outside perspective but he didn’t think he actually did anything wrong. If only he could find Y/N, explain it to her and have her believe him.

“Have fun at school,” he hugged her goodbye before she hopped out of the car.

“Remember to tell Mrs. Roberts to drop you off at our place, not Y/N’s,” he reminded her.

“Our house is going to feel so dull though. It’s always cold, did you notice that? We don’t even have a cat,” she whined.

“The least we can do is give Y/N her space to process,” Spencer told her, “If she’s ready for us to come back into her life eventually, we’ll gladly take it.”

“If?” Callie grimaced, “How bad did my mother mess this up?”

“I’d rather not say,” Spencer simply stated.

“That sounds promising,” Callie sighed, “Bye, Dad. Love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

-

“Could you give this note to Doctor Y/L/N?” Spencer asked the receptionist.

Y/N,

Your house is cleared out. Despite your previous statement, it is obvious we have overstayed our welcome at the moment. I hope if you give me a chance to explain, it will ease your pain and in turn, mine. I swear to you, angel, nothing happened. I can tell the full story whenever you are ready and I hope you can hear the truth in my voice.

Yours,

Spencer

“Jake Gomez?” he heard you call out.

He turned around to see a little kid hopping out of his seat in the waiting room and following you into the clinic area. You made brief eye contact with him and you looked so broken. It took everything in him not to run up and beg on his knees for your forgiveness.

-

Callie had a big soccer game coming up and you really wanted to go but you also really didn’t want to see Spencer.

Sure, you got his note but he could easily have lied. It was hard to argue with what you saw right in front of your eyes.

You pulled your hair back into a low bun and wore a hood pulled over a hat as well as sunglasses. You made sure to blend in with the crowd of moms.

You saw Spencer about 2 rows of bleachers down, leaning against the fence. God, why did he have to look so good in jeans?

Despite your sunglasses, one of the moms caught the subject of your stares.

“I’m pretty sure he’s single too,” she nudged you, “If I didn’t have a husband, I would be all over that fine piece of ass.”

You just nervously nodded in response.

-

The game had gone into overtime. The teams had to take turns shooting on the opposing goalie’s net. Each team must take 5 shots with 5 different players and whoever makes the most wins.

Callie was put in the stressful position of needing to make the shot to win the game for her team. She took her time, lining up the shot and stretching out her legs.

Callie ran in for the kick, faking left and when the goalie dived, she kicked right.

“Score!” the ref announced.

“Yes, Callie!” you stood and screamed in excitement, “That’s what I’m talking about!”

After the initial shock wore off, you realized Spencer was staring directly at you.

You grimaced, “Um excuse me, sorry, excuse me,” you repeated as you tried to quickly get out of the aisle.

“Y/N, please wait!” Spencer ran after you.

“I came for Callie, Spencer, not you,” you huffed, slowing to a walk because the parking lot was up a hill and you weren’t about to sprint the whole way.

“Please, Y/N, let me explain. I miss you so much, it hurts,” he pleaded.

“Oh you’re hurt?” you asked incredulously, “I’m sorry that me leaving after I found you cheating on me hurt you.”

“I didn’t cheat!” Spencer insisted, “She was coming on to me but I rejected her every single time. I was yelling at her for how inappropriate her behavior was, that's what you walked in on.”

“You were yelling at her with your shirt off?”

“I had my eyes covered at first so I wouldn’t see her indecent but I accidentally backed into the sauce and I didn’t want to stain my shirt.”

You sat there in silence, processing his story.

“Please say something. I’ll do anything to make it right, I need you back.”

A tear fell from Spencer’s eye which was followed by many more.

“I think your story is just crazy enough that I believe you,” you spoke.

“Really?” Spencer asked.

“Really,” you outreached your arms for a hug.

Spencer dove into your embrace like it was his air. He cried into your chest for 10 minutes until he finally met your eyes again.

“I’m sorry, I just thought I was never going to get to do this again,” he squeezed you tighter, “I love you, Y/N, and I want you to be my girlfriend. I actually want you to be more than my girlfriend someday but this is a good start for now.”

“I love you too,” you kissed him, “And just curious, what did you have in mind for the future?”

“I’m going to make you my wife someday,” he grinned.

A/N: one chapter left of this series! 🥺❤️

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#spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #cm fanfic #cm fic

[gallavictorious]

love your metas, so can i get your thoughts? i've always felt that personality wise, fiona/ lip are alike, and then ian/ debbie are alike. fiona/ lip are smart but often lost in what they want out of life/ what path to take. they both self sabotage and spiral in response to that. s4/ s9 fiona and s6/ s7 lip had similar arcs. they seem to need to receive romantic "love"/ validation, more than to give it, and can be selfish in that. but they are very giving when it comes to their family. [1/2]

[2/2] so anyways, whereas ian/ debbie very much want to give "love" as much as they want to get it, to the point that they always let any awful person who demands it, have it. kash/ ned/ caleb/ trevor/ matt/ derek/ the s10 2 ladies/ etc were all like that. (mickey being the 1 exception ofc!) they can be manipulated and therefore taken advantage of. but they work hard and take pride in that and know what they want (rotc/ emt and babysitting/ welding). but debs is selfish obviously, and ian isn't

Hiya nonnie! That's some very interesting thoughts right there, and a few I hadn't considered before! Let’s see...

I think you make a great point about Fiona and Lip both being smart but lacking a clear idea of how to translate that into a sustainable lifestyle, and they certainly do have a tendency to self-sabotage. In fairness, fairly often it's things outside of their control that derail them – which I think is a very good illustration of how much harder it is to ”make it” when you come from that sort of background. Even when they aregiven opportunities and try to capitalize on them, there's so very little margain for error; everything is always just one small step from collapsing, there's always something going on with their family that they need to deal with, and when things do go wrong, they mostly lack the resources (mental and financial) to respond in a good way. Their coping mechanisms are maladaptive as all hell, that's for sure, courtesy of their fucked-up upbringing. But yeah, quite apart from all that, I think Lip and Fiona have a habit to fuck things up for themselves by not doing great with stability in general. Rob's an asshole but not entirely wrong when he calls Fiona a chaos junkie, and Lip's issues with authority and alcohol don't exactly make things easier for him.

Additionally, I think that while Lip and Fiona are both capable of hard work – and for a long time they certainly work their assess off to take care of their younger siblings – they also have a tendency to look for quick fixes and easy outs? They're problem solvers and quick thinkers, and they had to be, to deal with the mess Frank and Monica have made of their lives, but I'd argue that this survival tactic has developed into a somewhat problematic predispotion to eschew slowly, steadily working their way towards a goal in favour of leaping on ”smart” deals and opportunities. Which isn't always bad, of course, but it has caused them a fair share of problems; consider, for instance, Fiona and her real estate escapades in season 9 and Lip's highly questionable choices in season 11. (I just watched 11x07 again and GOD do I want kick him in the nuts. I love Lip, but grow the fuck up, man. Tami is a bloody saint for being as patient with him as she is.)

In contrast, Ian and Debbie have a crazy strong work-ethic and are highly goal-oriented. They fix their eyes on the prize and they fucking go for it, putting in the hours and the work without hesitation or complaint. They are far less likely to look for short-cuts or screw themselves over because they get bored with the monotomy. That doesn't mean their path to success is a straight one, of course; Ian's bipolar has wreaked some proper havoc for him, and though she's succeed in both having a kid and a job she trained for, Debbie's narcissm is keeping her from developing the strong bonds (familial and romantic) that she so desperately craves. I think the difference between Ian and Debbie here is that Ian is genuinely looking for a partnership and a real connection (to such a degree that it sometimes leads him into highly unfortunate relationships) whereas Debbie thinks she wants that but isn't prepared to actually be vulnerable and perceptive to the other person's needs to such a degree that a real partnership becomes possible. She never, I feel, actually sees and knows her partners for who they are; she projects onto them her idea of what they should be like, and responds to that, not to them. It hasn't ended well, so far.

And I have to say that while Trevor (of whom I'm fond in spite of his flaws, so you'll find no hate for him on this blog) and (especially) Caleb have their issue I don't think it's fair to compare them to Kash and Ned. As for Matt and Derek, they may not be perfect, but I'd argue that Debbie treated them far worse than they did her. I mean, she did rape both of them. (Out of youthful ignorance, sure: it's still sexual assault. I do find it very interesting and quite encouraging that she obviously recognizes her own guilt in season 11.) By and large, Debbie has treated her partners worse than they have treated her, which is certainly not true of Ian. (Which doesn't mean Ian's a saint. Boy's got plenty of flaws, and he doesn't always treat his lovers perfectly – the cheating comes to mind – but in general he doesn't treat them badly at all; as you say, he is more likely to allow himself to be treated badly by them.)

Circling back to Lip and Fiona, I think you have a point in them craving the way their partners make them feel, but being less interested in having a partner to build a life with, if that makes sense? They aren't really looking for someone to share their lives and struggles with (which might be the resulf of them being used to having no one but each other to rely on for most of their lives); they want that high of being in love and in lust, and when things get a bit too steady and boring, they get restless. Jimmy was, admittedly, a big support for Fiona for a while, but it was quite one-sided: always on her terms. Lip might be coming around on that with Tami, though – possibly because she's assertive enough to push back against him and not let him get bored. Also, Lip (and Fiona) has shown himself to be far more devoted to kids in his care than to his partners, so I'm sure Freddie's existence is a major factor in him sticking it out with Tami even when things are hard. (Not to suggest he doesn't love Tami; I think that she's by far the best match for him on the show.) At the end of the day, I think that Lip and Fiona would enjoy someone properly at their side and in their corner – they just need to understand that that's something they can have, and that for it to work, they need to be in their partner's corner too. As I said, Lip might be on the way, though his unwillingness to solve problems together with Tami is worrisome; who knows what Fiona's up to in Florida; Ian's already got it, and as for Debbie... she knows she wants it, but not how to achieve it. For her, I think, the answer might be to reassess how important having a partner really is to her; does she truly want it, with all the compromises it inevitably entails? Then again, she's young yet; we were, I think, none of us very good at relationships at 20, and Debbie (and her siblings) has had a rougher go of it than most. She has time to learn.

This took... forever, nonnie, so I do hope you see this!. :o Can't say I expect my scattered and tentative musings to have been worth the wait, but I ended up having a lot of fun thinking about this, so here's to you finding something of value in there. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! <3 And as always, if anyone else wants to chime in you're more than welcome to; my ideas on this aren't very fixed, so I'd love to hear other or additional perspectives.

#the prize for being the Gallagher Least Bad at Relationships is getting to marry one mickey milkovich #congratulations to our worthy winner ian #no wonder he fought so hard for it... 😏 #and oh would you look at that! #i answered an ask! #i am very excited about this! #so sorry for the wait nonnie this ask had me thinking a lot so i loved it #lip gallagher #fiona gallagher #debbie gallagher #ian gallagher #meta #asks #my stuff

[dsmp-shitposts]

OKAY I'm in an analysis mood so!!

Here's why "Savior" by Rise Against is such a good song about c!wilbur and c!Tommy's relationship in the dream smp!

Firstly tho I just want to give an honorable mention to the first lines of the song: "it kills me not to know this / but I've all but just forgotten / what the color of her eyes were / or the scars and how she got them." it's such a good c!bee duo line and I might have to analyze it in another post lol

(there's kinda a tldr at the bottom if you don't want to read the specific lyric analysis and just was the overall analysis!)

The lyrics I want to analyze (these are more about characterization) are: "as the telling signs of age rain down / a single tear is dropping / through the valleys of an aging face / that this world has forgotten." this is about wilburs resurrection. the first lyrics, "as the telling signs of age rain down" are about how much more different Wilbur looks to Tommy after he was resurrected. wilbur was in limbo for what he perceived to be 13 years, and he shows it physically. he has the white streak of hair that signifies his revival, and I know there's a popular headcanon that wilbur came back "wrong." "A single tear is dropping" is referring to Tommy's reaction to the revival. we know he was in disbelief and even angry at wilbur being back, but intense emotions also can bring on tears. it's a very natural response from your body. The third line is pretty much the same as the first, but "that this world has forgotten" is about wilburs impact on the history of the smp. obviously he's been a very big player in many major plot points, but since his death he has mainly faded to the background in most characters minds, especially after ghostbur's library with all the records from lmanberg got destroyed. as the smp progressed, wilbur got talked about less. focus shifted from him to dream who really emerged as the villain in the story after wilburs death. we can see the impact of this after wilburs revival. everyone on the smp had gotten used to living without him for so long, growing past the people they were when Wilbur was alive. and now when Wilbur gets revived, he expected fanfare and everyone welcoming him back, but in reality people's memory of him faded.

okay now that we have the preface lyrics, we can go into the ones that are more about tommy and Wilbur as a duo. the first ones before the chorus are "but seldom do these words ring true / when I'm constantly failing you / walls that we just can't break through / until we disappear." I'm gonna analyze this with the first two lines and the last two. the first two lines are from Tommy's perspective about him trying to constantly please wilbur. we see this with him gathering lots of stone for him and following Wilbur to stand against Las nevadas and quackity. but even with all of this, Tommy still feels like he's "constantly failing" wilbur and that he needs to do more in order to stay in high regard in Wilbur's mind. we could even look at these same lyrics from wilbur's perspective! wilbur might have felt like he's failed Tommy for not being there for him for the time he was in limbo. I know Wilbur doesn't know about what dream did to Tommy in the exile arc, but I'm betting that if/when wilbur finds out about that, he will feel horrible for not being there himself to stop dream because wilbur cares about Tommy. (this could even lead to him resenting ghostbur more because ghostbur was there but wasn't able to do anything). now with the second half of these lyrics, the "walls that we just can't break through" is referring to the emotional vulnerability, or lack thereof, between the two. I'd argue that wilbur is more emotionally vulnerable to Tommy than Tommy is to wilbur. now, there is a severe lack of communication between the two, but wilbur drops "trauma bombs" where he'll unload something all at once and suddenly. he doesn't do much internal reflection of his feelings, instead wanting to share with others, Tommy in this case, to get validation. with sharing, he wants people to agree that he's a bad person but at the same time wants them to refute those ideas so he feels like he's healing without actually doing anything. now Tommy does more introspection about his feelings (cc! Tommy monologuing) and doesn't feel as big a need as wilbur to share his feelings and trauma. and besides, Wilbur dominates the conversation most of the time anyways so Tommy wouldn't likely be able to carry a constructive conversation about his own feelings without getting talked over by wilbur.

now we're moving onto the chorus! it goes: "that's when she said / 'I don't hate you / I just want to save you / while there's still something left to save' / that's when I told her 'i love you / but I'm not the answer / for the questions that you still have.'" I see this as a conversation between Wilbur and Tommy; Tommy saying the "I don't hate you" section and Wilbur saying the "I love you" section. it's important for Tommy to make it clear to wilbur, and himself, that he doesn't hate Wilbur despite his past betrayal of lmanberg. wilbur thinks everyone hates him, so Tommy consistently sticking by his side is a reminder to Wilbur that he isn't alone. Tommy staying by wilburs side is also how he's ensuring that wilbur doesn't spiral again ("I just want to save you"). he knows that wilbur still isn't in the best mental place, not having the right environment to heal in limbo, so it's more crucial in his mind to be wilbur's crutch right now because it'd be very easy for wilbur to spiral again ("while there's still something left to save"). wilbur, with his part of the lyrics, wants to ensure that Tommy knows he still cares about him despite being gone for a long time. now for the last part of wilburs lyrics, I would love for it to mean that "wilbur understands that he can't be a good mentor to Tommy anymore because of everything that happened. he wants Tommy to realize that he does care for him but their relationship shouldn't function with Wilbur as a mentor anymore," but that wouldn't be accurate to their canon relationship. wilbur still wants to be Tommy's mentor because that's how their relationship has always functioned. my hope is that in wilbur's healing process that he realizes he doesn't have to be a mentor to Tommy, they can just exist as friends. and I would love for Tommy to realize that it's not his job to save Wilbur! while having friends you can talk about your emotions with is good, he shouldn't have to push his own feelings aside to prioritize wilbur's. wilbur also needs to learn that self reflection is a part of healing

the final specific lyrics I want to analyze are: "one thousand miles away / there's nothing left to say / but so much left that I don't know / we never had a choice / this world is too much noise / it takes me under once again." the first three lines, in my opinion, all relate to the fact that Tommy had gone through so much while wilbur was dead, such has dream's manipulation. the last three lines of this section, which are honestly my favorites, are relating to both of their revivals. even though wilbur and Tommy have developed so differently since the lmanberg and pogtopia eras, they have this one thing in common. Tommy didn't have a choice in his death or resurrection. both were committed by dream and have contributed to the massive amount of trauma and PTSD that Tommy has. wilburs death was practically by his own hand as it was an assisted suicide, but his resurrection wasn't his choice, again done by dream murdering ghostbur. that line could also refer to wilbur not feeling like he had a choice in living anymore, feeling like death was the only option for him at the end of his spiral. the last two lines refer to the mental problems that both Wilbur and Tommy are still facing. we talked about wilburs a bit with his need for validation and him villainizing himself in his mind. Tommy still struggles with suicidal ideation, seen most recently with his comments while on the balcony in Las nevadas. he also struggles with his triggers from the final control room and the prison that we see him try and speedrun exposure therapy for. what I'm trying to get at with this is that wilbur and Tommy have developed so differently while away from each other but they have their resurrections in common.

OKAY CONCLUSION TIME!! (also kindof a tldr)

while Tommy and wilbur have been apart from each other for a while and developed in different ways, their relationship after both of them have been revived is centered around both of their relationships to healing from their trauma. Tommy feels like he's the one who has to "save" wilbur and keep him from spiraling again, letting his own feelings be pushed aside to prioritize wilbur's. wilbur lets himself be the saved to Tommy's savior. he consistently seeks out validation for his own feelings instead of taking the time to sort out how he really feels about the things that have happened to him.

if you read this far then oh wow thank you!! I hope this made sense and I'd love to hear what you think of the comparisons to this song!

#dream smp #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #crimeboys #crime boys #dsmp analysis #c!wilbur #c!tommy #dream smp analysis #tw suicide #tw death #suicide mention #death mention #the shitposter speaks

[thewhitefluffyhat]

No, Alina Isn’t Crazy

Let me explain...

When Alina was first introduced, I thought she was the character that made the least sense as an actual person rather than as a trope-y “mad artist” archetype.  But after the reveal of her backstory, I find her personality and motivations do make sense, especially when you consider the events of Alina’s Magical Girl Story from her perspective.  

Indeed, since that story’s release on JP, she’s quickly risen to become my favorite new character from Magia Record.  Hence why I’m posting this today - it’s another semi-Magia Rapport related post, haha.  Alina is definitely my favorite of the Forest element characters, and perhaps this essay will show a little of why that is.

Provocative title and Magia Rapport aside, though, what’s actually below the "Keep reading” is a close read analysis essay, specifically focused on Alina’s MGS.  (A lot of Holy Alina’s MGS serves to confirm and reinforce little points scattered throughout this too, but this post was long enough without it!)

Introduction

The theme of Alina’s own art might be “Alina’s beauty” and “life, death, and emotion/decay.”  But I would argue that the theme of her MGS as a when taken as a short story is “voyeurism and objectification at the cost of self-identity.”  Specifically, how Alina’s actions and personality are the logical conclusion to that concept taken to an extreme.

There’s one important truth to Alina’s world, and that is the idea that Alina’s art IS Alina.  We see it at the start – when she says her art is what she enjoys and what she grasps with her own hands.  We see it at the end – with her realization that her art’s theme is “Alina’s beauty.”

And at the end of the day, what MGS Alina most seems to want is to be left alone to do art, to be herself.  But who is Alina?

Alina the Teen Prodigy

Unfortunately for Alina, her fame gets in the way of figuring that out.  Such is the life of a teen prodigy.  As perhaps can be expected, constantly parading children under a spotlight is a great recipe for turning out extremely high-strung kids with very warped self-esteem.

(See also: Nemu, but especially Touka.)

The exchange regarding the award here is a good illustration of that mindset.  It might initially seem contradictory for Alina to work desperately hard to win an award that she later doesn’t want and claims she wasn’t aiming to win.  But once being “gifted” becomes central to your identity, winning an award doesn’t feel good anymore.  It feels more like running in place, just the bare minimum expected of you to maintain your identity as a genius.  And Alina’s perfectionism means she can’t not hold herself to that standard.

Indeed, Alina is already showing signs that she’s struggling under the pressure and overexposure.  Normally, Alina seems to love talking about art and her own works (as long as it isn’t about herself, anyway).  Arguing with her teacher and running away are far more of a bother and interfere with her ability to get back to painting far more than a quick meeting would have been.  Yet she curses at her teacher, bolts, and skips school rather than have to deal with the consequences of her fame again.

She’s irrationally lashing out, asserting her boundaries in whatever way she can. And with the way the characters react, this doesn’t even seem like the first time it’s happened, either...

Which suggests Alina’s problems with her fame also aren’t new.  When we first meet her, Alina is already a lot closer to a breakdown than she appears on the surface.

Having natural talent from an early age, Alina probably hasn’t learned how to deal with failure without spiraling into a full blown identity crisis.  As a perfectionist, she’s also hypersensitive to even the slightest mistake.  And given that she’s been famous for a few years at this point, her acting out is practically expected.

Just given the setting that she’s a well-known child prodigy, it’s not surprising that Alina has all these traits.

Alina’s Adults Are Useless

What is a bit disturbing, though, is that adults around Alina aren’t any help in protecting her from her fame.

Indeed, from what we see, the pattern is the opposite - over and over, the supposedly “responsible” adults in Alina’s life say her visibility matters more than her consent.  Her teacher pressures her into competitions she dislikes and then gets on her case when she pushes back.  Her parents put up her whole life story, including photos of her as a kid, without Alina’s approval or even permission. 

Jumping ahead, I think it’s rather telling that Alina manages to destroy all her art, commit suicide, and get rescued by a third party – and none of these adults even visit her.  A popular theory is that Alina’s parents are travelling in a different country.  But - did no one tell them?  Did they not care?  As it is, anything Alina does – even blatant red flags like destroying a classroom and her own art – is treated as just another work of artistic genius, to be advertised and exhibited.  

(Because apparently nothing says High Art like creep shots of a teenage girl having a mental breakdown.)

Of course, Alina isn’t being neglected or abused like Sana or Yuma.  Not even close.  But she’s not in a great situation either.  She doesn’t really have anyone she can turn to in a crisis.  The adults in her life mostly use her for their own ends, reinforcing that her worth is in her fame as an artist, not her value as a person.

Alina’s Peers Aren’t Much Better

Then, on a more subtle level, there are Alina’s peers.  Whenever she’s mentioned by people her own age, she’s either the subject of scary rumors or glowing admiration.  Other kids know her as a celebrity name to be idolized or feared, not a person.  

Before becoming a magical girl, the only person who actually makes an effort to befriend Alina is Karin.  But even she is initially caught up in the aura of Alina’s fame and contributes to the swirl of gossip around her.

The result is a situation where everyone around Alina has their own opinion on who she is.  No one seems to care or leave space for who Alina wants herself to be.  And Alina, not having a social life to fall back on, is increasingly left with “genius artist” as the only means she has to interact with the world.  It’s a self-reinforcing spiral.

The Critic’s Letter

First, what it’s not: this isn’t about Alina getting a bad review and not being able to handle criticism of her work.  She’s already won the competition.  And Alina is perfectionistic to unhealthy levels - she’s already her own worst critic.

Rather, the letter’s insinuations are both subtler and crueler.  As Alina says, the critic isn’t concerned with her artwork - he’s commenting on Alina as a person.   Thus, the critic’s words are the same pattern as before, now crystallized into its sharpest and purest form.

Alina’s internal sense of identity is precariously fragile.  Meanwhile, Alina’s external identity is being used as a canvas for other people’s desires.  Even though all Alina really wants is to create art for her own sake, other people obsess over and dump their own meaning (or lack of meaning) onto her works.

Once again, Alina’s art is conflated with Alina herself.  The person is being evaluated as a piece of art.

As if that wasn’t enough, the letter’s final insinuation that Alina is losing her brilliance is a triple threat.  If she can’t create great art, Alina loses the activity she enjoys most. She also loses the one thing she knows other people value her for.  And worst of all, she loses the only touchpoint she has for her sense of self.

Cue existential crisis.  Alina’s life is Alina’s art.  Alina’s art is Alina life.   Without one, she doesn’t have any concept of the other.  

And in the light of all this, her suicide makes perfect sense. 

Alina’s Suicide

Welcome to the literal and figurative objectification of Alina.  Literal, in that she’s turning into a corpse.  Figurative in that by putting her body up for display, she’s allowing people to voyeuristically consume it –  an idea further reinforced by the “Kusouzu / Nine Phases” reference in the title implying a tinge of sexual objectification as well. 

Now that she’s destroyed all of her previous works, the only thing Alina leaves her audience to look at is Alina herself.  Filming her body as it turns from a person into a dead object was simply the logical conclusion to a life of being displayed, objectified, and overwritten by others’ perceptions.  

But how does Alina feel about this ending?

The day of her suicide, Alina rushes around in a kind of manic euphoria.  This isn’t especially odd.  After all, it’s not uncommon for a suicidal person to outwardly appear happier before they make an attempt, as finally having a concrete plan of action can feel like a huge relief.  

Dying means a solution to Alina’s worries about her talent fading.  Dying also means an end to all the pressure, all the constant struggle of performing to ever-heightening expectations.  Alina can simply abandon the cases and tools once she’s done with them - no need to stress about the future when she won’t have one.

Alina’s farewell, though, betrays darker emotions.  It’s simultaneously deeply spiteful - “this is what you all wanted from me, are you happy now?” - yet also an admission of utter defeat.  Alina is giving up her very humanity and selfhood to be evaluated as whatever her audience wants.

Throughout the story, everyone keeps telling Alina that her art is intoxicating, pulling the viewer into it… but the reality is the exact opposite.  Alina’s art was just something Alina made for herself, and any intoxicating meaning was something the viewer injected into it.  

And thus, Alina’s revelation.  Alina’s theme is “Alina’s beauty” – both a rejection and an embrace of that objectification.  Now, Alina has declared that her art loudly and unabashedly about herself, viewer projection be damned.  And yet, at the same time, since “Alina” is what viewers are obsessed with seeing, then Alina will give them exactly what they want…

An Artistic Failure?

So then why does Alina consider her final art to be a failure?  It fits well within the theme of “Alina’s beauty.”   Indeed, her later works like “Humanity’s Implicit Reward” and even her swimsuit are arguably just softer variations of the “Alina’s body as forbidden yet alluring object for the viewer to consume” idea that is present here.

This suicide also seems to fit into the “life and death” motifs she has.  It’s a twisted kind of resurrection - effectively, she’s killing herself as a human in order to live on eternally as a memorable piece of art.

Alina plans her final work directly because she thinks she’s dying as a creator.  Rather than face her brilliance fading, she chooses to defy it by going out in a blaze of glory.  And when put that way, it’s an exciting and fitting conclusion.  

There’s just one little problem with that narrative...

While drifting between life and death, Alina realizes the critic was wrong.  She had a theme all along.  Alina’s brilliance wasn’t fading.

And thus, since she wasn’t a “dying artist,” her “going out in a blaze of glory” no longer holds any profound meaning.  She’s just a silly teenager who got too worked up over a harsh letter.

The overall concept behind Alina’s last work wasn’t the issue.  The failure was in the timing and execution, killing herself before such a thing had meaning and in a way such that her body would be found.

And so, I don’t think Alina has learned her lesson here.  I don’t think Karin’s words have gotten through to her yet.  If she concludes at a later point that her talent is truly is fading or that she’s lost her theme, I’d fully expect her to pull another suicidal stunt again.

Conclusion

So the good news: Alina lived!  She’ll have plenty more chances to create art and figure herself out!

But the bad news: Alina’s revelation implies she’s now even more reliant on her identity as a genius artist.  

And thus, like so many other characters, the end to Alina’s MGS isn’t really an ending. She hasn’t solved the problem at the heart of the crisis that led to her wish.  Becoming a magical girl and discovering witches does nothing to stop Alina from falling into another identity spiral, nor has she left her suicidal tendencies behind.

Alina found her theme, but she still hasn’t found herself.

Misc Details

Some other neat miscellaneous details that fit with this interpretation:

I’m glad the English translation keeps at least a little of the quirky way Alina refers to herself.  (That being said, in Japanese, it’s even more exaggerated - she doesn’t use normal first person pronouns at all, only using “Alina.” )

Because on the one hand, this is an obvious hint at her extreme narcissism: Alina’s sentences frequently emphasize her name.

On the other hand, it’s a great subtle detail to return to the theme of objectification.  To put it another way, Alina refers to herself in third-person.  That is, even when Alina is speaking about herself, she reflexively frames it from the point of view of another person.  Because Alina is constantly having other people’s perspectives forced onto her!

Also, it turns out the pattern of others projecting onto Alina is present in her witch as well!  “Old Dorothy” is a historical figure whose diaries have been analyzed by multiple different researchers.  Some of them came to the conclusion that Dorothy was definitely a witch, others came to the conclusion she was definitely a normal, upstanding member of her community.  The researchers got completely opposite results from the same exact diaries.  So therefore - did they truly care about learning what Dorothy was really like?  Or were they just out to prove their own theories?

(Two years in, Old Dorothy is even more fitting of a name.  Doroinu basically predicted the entire fan response to Alina.  Some people see her as an evil (w)itch, some people see her as a sympathetic figure - all from looking at the same text.

We’re even starting to see the “two sides” of Alina come up in the Main Story, with Karin’s subplot in Arc 2.)

Meanwhile, Old Dorothy’s form - a “paint tube” - carries both this “paint over with your perceptions” meaning while also suggesting the same story as Alina’s final piece in miniature.  

Unlike Izabel, Alina’s witch form isn’t that of an artist.  Because when Alina hits her lowest point of despair, she no longer considers herself to be an artist.  She believes the only value she has left is to become literal materials to create art.  

In other words, Old Dorothy is Alina turning herself into art again.  It’s just rainbow paint this time instead of red.

Last but not least: yes, I am absolutely aware of the irony of this essay.   Here I am rambling about how Alina’s story is all about her struggle to be herself while everyone seems determined to erase her in favor of their own projections – and yet  a good chunk of this interpretation is probably my projecting on her.   Whoops!

Still, even if you disagree with it, I hope this essay was interesting and maybe made you question some of your assumptions about Alina.  

Thanks for reading!

#madoka magica #magia record #alina gray #magia record analysis #my ramblings #long essay #read more #tl;dr #alina is certainly exaggerated #but in her MGS she comes across as #a surprisingly believable gifted kid #going through a nasty identity crisis #exacerbated by her fame

[inawickedlittletown]

Eddie Begins - Some Thoughts

I’m putting his under a cut because spoilers. Also because fair warning it’s over 3k long. I clearly had a lot of feelings. 

Pretty much from the moment that we knew we were getting an Eddie Begins, anticipation has been high and boy did this episode deliver. The episode opens with Christopher’s birth and Eddie is present for it and his emotions are all over the place and so well displayed. I loved the moment when the doctor asks him if he wants to cut the cord and he says no and Shannon just roasts him right there and then “you’re an army medic, but this makes you squeamish?”. The scene does a lot to establish Shannon and Eddie and Eddie is just precious when he gets called “dad” — “I like the sound of that.” 

One thing that we don’t get in the middle of all of this is the birth complications? Nothing about the scene suggest that there were any complications. Christopher is delivered, the doctor tells the new parents that it’s a boy and they have the moment about the umbilical cord. But we were told previously that Christopher was stuck and that his CP might have been a result of the birth complications. So it was interesting that we didn’t get to see that. 

Next we see them post-birth in a hospital room with Eddie’s parents and we get a very interesting tidbit: Eddie’s dad was not present at either Eddie or his sisters’ births. And later in the episode, we also learn that Eddie’s dad wasn’t around much — because he was working — when Eddie was little. It’s an interesting parallel and in some ways this may even go as far as to make commentary on gender roles and how both Eddie’s mother and Shannon were primary caretakers of their children and expected to do so. It even might explain why Eddie felt like he needed to support his family by working rather than by being present. 

When Shannon’s mom arrives, Eddie runs over to hug her. His parents are warm and welcoming, and Shannon is surprised but pleased and they talk about her clean bill of health and everything seems nice and happy but the set up for angst is happening because we know Shannon’s mom will get sick again and we also know that Eddie and Shannon are not going to be happy. The whole atmosphere of the room changes the moment that Eddie is asked how long he’s staying for and Shannon isn’t happy when she says that he’s only there for another week. What new mother would be happy with the prospect of her husband leaving so soon after they had a baby? But Eddie points out that the sooner he goes the sooner he returns and then returns for good. That obviously doesn’t end up working out because as we see later when Eddie is finally back, things don’t go well. 

Shannon gives Eddie the necklace with the St. Christopher charm and explains what it is and Eddie vows to come back and be with his family and as the scene ends Eddie says this: 

“No matter what happens, I’m always going to fight to come home to my family.” 

This of course is when we get that flash forward to later in the episode when Eddie is calling on the radio that he’s alive and yet no one can hear him. It is the perfect transition into the future. The writers have done such an amazing thing in creating this episode and framing it around Eddie’s past in a way that truly gives us so much information about Eddie and yet connects us to the story at present. The placements of the flashbacks just hit so strongly. 

That said, I want to write about the past on its own first.  

The next time that we see a flashback it is 2015 and Eddie has reenlisted in the Army. Christopher was born in 2011, so that puts Christopher at around 4 years old and from the way that this scene plays out it’s also clear that Eddie wasn’t home long before he decided to take on another tour of duty. (Edited to add: apparently Tim says this scene was supposed to be in 2013 which still doesn’t make a lot of sense other than how young Christopher looks)

What we do know is that Eddie was not around when Christopher was diagnosed with CP and that he doesn’t understand it necessarily past knowing that his son is “sick” and that all of what comes with that is costly. We also find out during this argument that Eddie enlisted in the army after Shannon found out she was pregnant in the first place — that was his response to her pregnancy. So he wasn’t around for her from day one. 

Eddie is clearly of the mind that in order to take care of his family, he must be the breadwinner and that he must support them by working and bringing in money. He needs to provide for his family. While I think that absolutely plays a part in his decision to re-enlist, Eddie also doesn’t communicate any of that with Shannon. He doesn’t listen to anything that Shannon has to say and just does what he thinks is best without consulting her and it’s a little bit heartbreaking. Shannon is also looking for other solutions. She hasn’t been working because she’s taking care of Chris and yet she offers to sell the house, the cars, and to start working but to Eddie that’s not putting Christopher first. And this disparity between them is the argument that will never end — Eddie deciding things without consulting his wife and not understanding that Shannon needed him around and that Christopher needed him around. 

Shannon makes a point of telling Eddie that he’s made all the choices even while saying that he has no choice. We know because Eddie and Buck have spoken about it, that Eddie did feel like he was running away when things got hard with Christopher and Shannon and it is hard to watch it actually happen. When he goes to pick up Christopher, it is awkward and unsure and Christopher clearly doesn’t even know him and that just cuts so deep because we know the kind of relationship that Eddie has with Christopher in the present. 

Next time we are in a flashback it is still 2015 (I actually 100% think they screwed up with the year though going off of how 3 months after this incident when Eddie is home Christopher is said to be 6 years old so it would be 2017...except that the last flashback we get tells us it’s 2017 so who knows). Christopher looks older through the video chat and we also learn that Shannon’s mom is sick again. And this whole sequence is all about how Eddie earned his medal and we get to see him in action. But this gives us this beautiful moment to parallel with the present where Eddie is looking at the St. Christopher medal and at a picture of Christopher and it just seems like he’s sure he’s going to die and in that moment he’s thinking back to his argument with Shannon and I think it’s a moment of realization for Eddie for how much he has missed out on knowing his son because as much as he may love him, he also isn’t there for him. As an aside I want to add that back in S2 Christopher says that he wished for Eddie to come home for Christmas one year and that Eddie did. So Christopher knows all about Eddie either from Shannon or from Eddie’s parents — but he knows all about his dad even at a young age. Enough to miss him and want him home and to love him just like any child loves their parents and it’s also something that Eddie probably doesn’t realize until much later on when he does get to be around Christopher and be his dad at last. 

Eddie is injured and he gets his Silver Star and he doesn’t feel particularly deserving or heroic about any of it, but the next time we see him three months later he’s back home in Texas and the whole family is there — at least his parents, Pepa, and his Abuela are around and it’s clear that they’ve come out to Texas to see Eddie and because they’re celebrating his medal. 

Eddie brings out juice for Christopher in a cup with ice and his mom immediately tells him off and while yes it’s true that Eddie may have done something wrong, his mom is also very quick to judge him and his lack of parenting skills. And what’s interesting about this moment is that when he mentions it to Shannon she has clearly been dealing with Eddie’s mom for years and likely getting the same treatment. This would have been the perfect moment for them to bond over that. 

Shannon jumps into asking Eddie about going to California and the thing about the way she asks is a little bit obnoxious. In S2 Shannon and Eddie argue and Shannon says something along the lines of “you didn’t want to leave your family in Texas” and it is implied that Eddie thought he couldn’t leave the support system of his family in Texas. As we come to find out here, she meant that he literally would not leave the family that had flown in to see him on a whim just because Shannon wanted to pack up and take off the next day. 

Shannon lights up at the idea and doesn’t try to understand why Eddie is so against it. She’s just ready to go and we know this is about her mom and that she’s been waiting for Eddie to be home for a long time, but I think she was pushing in a way that was always going to result in Eddie saying no. And what Eddie asks for is more time, but Shannon is done and can’t give him any more time. 

“I needed more time too” is all her note reads after she leaves them. 

Shannon’s feelings and actions are absolutely valid and I think she needed to leave him, but she’s also wrong in doing it the way she did instead of giving Eddie the ultimatum of: “I’m leaving. That’s that. Figure out what you want.” I’m not sure how Eddie would have taken that, but it would have gives us a different perspective of her leaving. Another point to make is that it is one thing for Shannon to abandon Eddie and another to abandon Christopher and leave him behind because she could have taken him with her. She’s his mother and she left him and Eddie is justified in being upset about that. 

The next flashback places us in 2017 and Eddie is talking with his parents who are adamant about having Christopher move in with them because Eddie has three jobs and isn’t around often enough and because they have been the only constant in Christopher’s life — not Eddie and not Shannon. Eddie actually defends Shannon leaving even though he’s also angry at her. I think her mom is 100% justified in blaming Shannon for leaving her son, but it’s interesting that Eddie sees it as Shannon leaving him specifically and not necessarily Christopher. I also find it interesting that Eddie is applying to be a firefighter at this time and that he isn’t doing so in Texas — unless the FD in Texas rejected him? — but he mentions Chicago and LA and obviously we know he goes to LA but I don’t buy it that he decided on LA because of Shannon. I think it’s in part to do with Abuela and Pepa being there and that Eddie isn’t all that sure about finding Shannon. After all, we know that he doesn’t reach out to her at all until he needs to for Christopher’s school. 

I find it fascinating how Eddie’s parents offer him little to no encouragement about stepping up and being a good dad. They acknowledge that Eddie loves Christopher, but then in the same breath point out how Eddie doesn’t know Christopher and how Eddie is inadequate as a father especially if he’s going to be working as a firefighter. It just in some ways drives home for me how much Eddie’s view on life has been shaped by these two people that didn’t truly believe in him and that clearly value the family unit and the idea of the nurturing mother and all of those things are still so present in him later on. 

And then we get the most beautiful scene in this entire episode and it is Christopher sitting outside on his own because that kid can do whatever he wants and Eddie finds him and sits with him and they have this beautiful moment during which Eddie decides to ask Christopher what he wants and Christopher wants to be with his dad — “I missed you all the time” Christopher says and Eddie could never leave this boy ever again. And I think when they start talking about leaving that Eddie is entirely conscious of the fact that he’s going to do it against his parents’ wishes and I just love the way that he holds Christopher in that moment. It’s just precious and perfect and I love it so so much. 

In the present time we have Christopher and Carla stop by the station because apparently it’s show and tell at school later in the week and Christopher is Christopher so of course he’s been searching through his dad’s stuff and he wants to take Eddie’s medal in. But before that we get a nice sequence about working radios and the look that Eddie and Bobby share when Buck fails at using his radio is so full of fond and “why do we deal with him again?” and it is perfect. 

Christopher of course gets his way because he’s Christopher and both Carla and Buck are there just watching Eddie give in like they both clearly knew he would. Also, it’s interesting to note that Buck doesn’t seem to know the story of how Eddie got his medal. Then the 118 are out on a call. A boy is missing. Eddie figures out where he is — in an abandoned well — and then when it is time for one of them to propel down to get the boy, it is Eddie going down and he sounds a little like Buck when he tells Bobby that he’s the one going down there. And the audience is preparing for angst. And because this is 9-1-1, it is the perfect time for the weather to just get worse and worse. 

Eddie pulls a Buck and cuts the line when he almost has Hayden and his thirty minutes are up and it is both a moment of complete trust from Eddie that the rest of the 118 will get him out of there and stupidity. And yet it just makes so much sense for him to do that when he almost had Hayden and when Eddie is sure that if he doesn’t get Hayden in that moment that the kid will likely drown. 

This is the first instance of Buck panicking a little when he says “I lost the weight” and he’s confused and doesn’t want to admit what he already likely knows — that somehow Eddie is no longer attached. They all look so devastated. 

The next thing that happens is one of my favorite things. Bobby immediately tells Chim he’s going down but Buck is ready to volunteer because of course he wants to go after Eddie so that he can save him. Hen points out how horrible that idea is because Buck is just as stupid as Eddie and then the two of them would be stuck down there. 

In the end, Chim goes down and he finds Hayden and Eddie and Hayden is pulled up to safety while Eddie waits. This is exactly the moment when things go wrong again. Lightning strikes and Buck tackles Bobby and there’s an explosion and the truck falls and things underground are even worse than before. 

Eddie is thrown about down below, but Buck is the one having a breakdown because as soon as he realizes that Eddie is in trouble, Buck throws himself to the ground where the hole was drilled and he is digging through the mud as if somehow that can get him to Eddie. Buck is desperate and devastated and his logic is all but gone as he yells and yells Eddie’s name in exactly the same way that he yelled for Christopher during the tsunami. It is absolutely heart wrenching. 

Buck’s reaction here is not normal for a co-worker or for a friend. It is the reaction of someone that loves without any doubt — it is the reaction of someone that knows they could be losing someone especially dear to them. It is absolutely true that Buck and Eddie are best friends and that they are close, but this connection that they have between them just transcends that. It is more than that. As much as we know the others love Eddie, they don’t react this way. They don’t let their emotion overtake them in the same way that Buck does — Buck who doesn’t lose his composure in this way when he needs to be a professional does for Eddie. And it’s a beautiful thing whether we look at this romantically or platonically, either way what is evident is that Buck loves Eddie. 

When Bobby goes to Buck, there is no quelling the desperation and it is as Buck realizes that he can’t do anything that he falls back onto Bobby and it is such a heartbreaking expression that it is difficult to not read more into what Buck may feel for Eddie. 

The next thing we see is Buck cleaning his hands. He’s desperate to go back out there and find a way to rescue Eddie but no one knows quite what to do and there’s a moment when he, Hen, Chim, and Bobby are standing outside the house where it is very clear that everyone is thinking about the odds and the likelihood that Eddie is already gone and for Buck that is not an option — it’s not something he even considers entertaining. There’s a beauty to his devotion and yet so much hurt too. The others are of course not going to give up either, but they are less convinced of a good outcome. 

Eddie meanwhile is stuck down there and now he’s in water and his oxygen eventually runs out and he’s basically on his last breath and in that moment where everything seems lost we hear a voiceover: “Woah, you got a kid,” it’s Buck. 

It’s a flashback montage and the first thing that comes to Eddie’s mind is the moment when he tells Buck about Christopher. Yes, this is literally the first instance on the show where Christopher is brought up, but that didn’t mean that it needed to also be the first thing that starts up this flashback montage especially since the rest of the montage is out of order. Buck shows up a lot throughout all of it and the logical aspect to this is that Buck is just always around when Christopher is, but they made a conscious choice as to what would be shown and I think that does speak volumes about Buck being a part of the family. I’d love to see someone figure out if they even left out any of the moments that feature Buck with Chris and Eddie. The montage is shown while Carry You by Ruelle ft. Fleurie plays which is such a fitting song. (And I will forever give props to the person in charge of music for 9-1-1 because they always know how to pick the perfect song for every moment). We hear Eddie call the 118 his family in a small voice clip from an earlier episode and then a repetition of: “I’m always going to fight to come home to my family.” And it is Eddie fighting to get out of that water and live for Christopher.. Oh, the feels. 

Meanwhile, the 118 is figuring out how to find and rescue Eddie and Buck looks like his whole world has fallen apart. He looks so close to falling apart again because by this point he must believe that they won’t find Eddie. And Eddie makes his dramatic entrance and he just pushes past some other firefighters and no one tries to grab him or stop him. Buck loses not a second to run to his side even though there are a bunch of other people around. Bobby is right there next to him and the shock that Bobby displays and the way he says Eddie’s name in that moment also says so much about Bobby being sure that Eddie was long gone. 

The way that Buck holds Eddie up and actually grasps his hand is a thing of beauty. And Hen is there right behind him telling Eddie they will get him home and Eddie is still thinking about his son and the importance of making that show and tell and being there for Christopher which is what we flash to in the next moment and once more we are hit with how much Eddie treasures his son, his good luck charm. 

This episode was a lot of what I wanted from an Eddie Begins. It gives us a deeper understanding of Eddie, filling in all the gaps that we could only guess at before and giving us a fuller picture of what Eddie and Christopher’s journey has been. Mixed in with that was a rescue that in some ways fit in with the flashbacks and I am so glad that we got this. And yet I also do have to say that more could have been done in terms of showing Eddie’s growth as more than just a parent because at the end of the day the episode ends up being more about Eddie becoming a father and embracing that rather than about Eddie changing and growing in other ways. 

--

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#911 fox #911 spoilers #buddie #911 meta #eddie diaz #spoilers

[moth-and-raven]

CHAPTER EIGHT

I’m proud of myself for finding the Raven again. It’s much easier during the day, though I must’ve gotten turned around at some point because I’m approaching it from a different direction this time. Regardless, I slip in the front door and see Julian immediately, pacing the length of the bar and chatting distractedly with the bartender in Neviv.

“Reyja!” He rushes over as soon as he notices me. “Thank god!”

The bartender rolls his eyes and puts down the stein he’d been cleaning. “You’ve a strong stomach, my friend, if you can stand our Ilya’s nerves.”

“I don’t mind,” I say softly. These words are for Julian’s benefit, not his. “It’s worth it.”

Julian blushes as we’re waved out the door.

“You’re alright?” he asks once we get outside, pausing on the steps to tuck my hair behind my ear.

I take his hand and mesh our fingers. “I’m good.”

He checks the area almost automatically, but there are very few people around at this time of day. Relieved, he lets out a breath and crosses the street, keeping to the shadows despite the lack of foot traffic. “I don’t know what I expected, but I couldn’t stop imagining all these horrible things...”

“It’s okay.”

Julian laughs bashfully and raises my hand to his lips. “It’s okay,” he repeats, marvelling over the words. “Hm. I haven’t said that in a very long time.”

“Nadia told me you’ll get a trial.”

“She’s a good woman, the Countess.”

I hear the heartache in his words. “You deserve it, Julian. I mean it.”

He cups my cheek, the leather of his glove cool against my skin. “I know you do,” he says softly. “It’s, well… yes, I know you do.”

He shakes his head like he can clear the gloom that’s fallen over us and nods towards the end of the street. “I thought we could go to my favorite tea shop. Barth makes a mean drink but it’s a bit early to start downing the Bitters, even for me.”

I’ll let him change the subject for now. I don’t want to upset him. “You’re not going to believe this, but I don’t drink tea either.”

He laughs. “No coffee, no tea, no alcohol. Next you'll tell me you don't like seafood.”

"Um."

"Ha! Mazelinka will be so pleased. She's been trying to keep me kosher for years."

"Is seafood not kosher?"

"Some of it is. But I developed a fondness for lobster after I left Nevivon and shellfish is assuredly not." He points down a side-street.

We turn the corner and I smile at him, latching on to his elbow. "I'll keep all your urges in check."

"Oh, I'm sure you will. I can't wait to see how."

He's so easy to talk to. Actually, this might be flirting. Maybe I'm better at it than I thought, when I have someone so eager to volley it back. "Does the tea shop serve anything else?"

"Mm, I think they have hot cocoa. A bit unusual for summer, perhaps, but I'm sure they'll make it if we ask."

"That’s the only hot drink I like."

Julian chuckles to himself. "You know, a good friend of mine prefers hot cocoa too. I hope you’ll meet him someday."

"I hope so too." I want to meet all of his friends, learn which foods he likes and which he doesn't, hear stories from his childhood in Nevivon and his apprenticeship in Prakra. I want to know him inside and out.

I want to love him.

Maybe I already do.

We walk for a while in companionable silence. My thoughts careen away into a bright future, full of peaceful nights and laughter. For once, it seems attainable, not a dream but a memory yet to be made. I don't have to dream when reality is so kind.

I catch Julian staring at me several times. He smiles when I meet his gaze, but he can't quite hide the sadness in the set of his brows. I understand: we're not safe yet.

Still, I've never felt more free.

"This is it." Julian stops after several blocks and gestures to a nondescript storefront patterned with abstract marigolds. We duck inside to cool shadows slanting across the floor, the shop mostly empty aside from a pair of young women giggling in a corner and an older man buried in a newspaper at the counter.

None of them even look up as we weave around rickety tables until we reach the back of the room. Julian pulls out a chair for me and hangs his coat on the back of the other, settling down where he can see the door.

“Will you be alright here?” I ask. I should’ve thought of that earlier.

But he nods. “This shop’s been good to me. Well, I should say its former owner has.”

“Former?”

“She sold years ago, after her wife died.”

“Oh.”

“Mm.” His gaze drifts to the counter, as if looking for a familiar face. "Aida was one of the first victims of the Plague. Poor Nura. It broke something in her, I think, to see the love of her life fade away like that."

"I can't even imagine."

"I wish I would've been here to support her."

"I'm sure you did what you could." I reach over to rest my hand on his.

He smiles wryly. "You think so highly of me."

"Yeah, I do." I watch him search me, like he expects to find the lie in my eyes. “I do,” I repeat more softly.

It almost seems like he wants to argue, but he shakes his head and redirects his attention to the mahogany tabletop, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Tell me something, my dear— that is, if you can. But I’ve always wondered: how do those cards of yours work?”

I feel the tingle of the tarot deck Asra made for me from my bag, like it’s been waiting for him to ask. I wasn’t even going to bring them, but I stopped by my room at the palace on the way out to pack some essentials in case I happen to find alternate lodgings again tonight, and when I was changing clothes, the black velvet pouch caught my eye. I can’t believe it’s only been a few days since I got them. I feel like a different person now.

I lean away from Julian to grab the cards. I don’t think he was expecting me to actually have them, but he smothers his surprise quickly. I tip them out of the pouch and start to shuffle as I talk.

“So the deck is seventy-eight cards: the Major Arcana, which has twenty-one cards plus the Fool, and four suits of fourteen cards each. Those are the Minor Arcana. We go to them for advice on everyday things, like money and emotions.” I pluck a card at random. “Like this, the King of Wands. He’s…”

I falter, but only for a moment. If this wants to turn into a reading, I’m not going to stop it.

“He represents someone bright and charismatic, eager to help if he can. Maybe a little older, but still confident and, um. And sexy.”

Julian raises a brow but doesn’t interrupt.

“He’s one of the court cards. Four of those for each suit. And every card has two sets of meanings, depending on if I pull them upright or reversed.”

“Reversed?”

“Upside down. Like this.” I spin the King of Wands to show him.

“And what does he mean then?”

“He might be more fearful, maybe afraid of losing control or showing that he isn’t as confident as he appears to be. Sometimes it means that he’s prone to anger, but—” I swallow hard. “But usually it’s more that he’s trying to force a certain outcome and kind of doesn’t care who he steps on to get it.”

Julian touches the card’s deep black surface, skating his gloved fingertips over the inverted King’s crown and the delicate silver lines of his leafy staff. “I see,” he says quietly. “Are these outcomes set in stone?”

“What?”

He looks up at me. “The fortunes they tell. Do they always come to pass?”

“Oh, um. Actually, ‘fortune-telling’ is kind of a misnomer. I think of reading the cards more as asking for advice. Sometimes what they say helps people make a decision, or see something from a different perspective.”

“Ah.”

I put the deck down when he has nothing else to say. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’d just wondered what sort of secrets you could learn, if there was some way to…”

To tell if he’s guilty or not. “We can ask.”

“What do you mean?”

The cards can be tricky. Their messages are usually complex, multifaceted, and depending on who chooses to speak, purposefully vague. But the voices of the Arcana can’t lie. Whatever they say, no matter how deep the meaning is buried, is worth listening to. “Well, all that back-corner-of-the-market ‘you’ll marry into a rich family and have thirteen children’ kind of fortune-telling is bullshit, but if you hear what the cards tell you, they can help.”

Julian shifts in his chair, eyeing me from behind his curtain of auburn curls. “I’ve run out on you before,” he says. “Back at your shop, I mean. When we met. I, ah, I don’t think I knew what I was asking then.”

“I pulled the Magician, didn’t I?”

He laughs harshly. “You did. I assumed it was referring to Asra, but of course I already knew I was looking for him.”

“It might’ve been, but not like that. The Magician usually means new opportunities. Success. Maybe following a logical outcome and getting what you need.”

This time, his laugh is warmer, and when I look at him, he’s smiling. “And it led me to you.”

I hadn’t made that connection. I think he’s more familiar with this process than he assumed he was. A warm flush settles into my skin as he reaches across the table and strokes my cheek, his attention following the sweep of his thumb and settling on my lips, then darting back to my eyes.

“Perhaps I need another reading,” he says softly. “One I’ll listen to this time.”

“Okay.”

It’s so much easier to reach him now; his aura is welcoming, a rich imperial purple that invites me into it like an embrace. It’s ragged around the edges, fading to rust-red, but I could lose myself in its depths and never think I was lost. The tingle of a card beneath my fingers calls me back.

I wish it hadn’t.

“The Lovers, reversed.” I wonder if the Arcana are capable of mocking. “Um, before I say anything else, the Lovers doesn’t always mean, like, actual lovers. It might be referring to any relationship.”

Julian examines the silvery figures, avoiding my eyes.

“So, um. Lovers reversed could be something like not taking responsibility for your actions, or feeling a disconnect with someone you—” I almost choke on the dismay rising in my throat. “Someone you thought you were close to. Maybe there’s something getting in the way of being together.”

He nods sadly and I regret every word I’ve said since I fished the deck out of my bag.

“Yes, that… that clears some things up.”

The finality of his tone scares me. “It does?”

He tries to smile but it reads as a grimace. “Let’s get out of here, my— Reyja. I think we need to talk.”

------

It’s getting late when we leave the tea shop; the gentle tinkle of the greeting bell as the door shuts behind us sounds like a warning. I thought my nerves had settled, but Julian’s bearing has changed so thoroughly that I almost don’t recognize him anymore. His shoulders slump, his fingers pluck at the buttons of his uniform, and he won’t look at me. After catching him staring so many times, it feels odd.

I suppose it isn’t hard to guess why. Clearly we saw the same thing in the cards: there’s a lot going against us if we want to make this work. But we knew that. From the beginning, we knew that. I thought we were going to try anyway. The idea of losing him so quickly constricts around me and I find myself reaching for him. At least he lets me, and squeezes my hand so tightly in return that it almost hurts.

It crosses my mind that we could leave. Find a ship in the harbor, set sail for distant shores where no one knew us or what we’d left behind. But almost as soon as I think it, I know he’d never agree. He did that exact thing for three years; it was because he learned it didn’t work that he came back.

I won’t help him run. And I won’t let myself run either. I’m willing to fight for him even if he isn’t. I have to tell him that.

I’m about to when a musical voice cuts through the gathering evening.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite beanpole.”

Julian flinches, drawing me to his chest. But he relaxes again as soon as he turns around and recognizes who spoke.

“Speak of the devil!” he laughs. I can almost believe there’s nothing wrong, hearing him happy again.

“Talking about me? I’m not surprised.” The woman rests her beautifully-decorated crutches against the sandstone wall behind her and fishes in the pocket of her tunic for a cigarette case.

“No, you wouldn’t be, would you?”

“Oh stop, you’ll inflate my ego.”

“Ha! You’ve never needed my help for that, Nura.”

Is this the same person who started the shop we just left? The South End must be smaller than I thought.

“Who’s your friend?” she asks, gesturing at me with her head.

I’m not going to wait for him to introduce me this time. “I’m Reyja.”

“Nurlan. Your doctor and I go way back.”

A strange sort of pleasure warms me at the idea of Julian being my doctor. I wonder if they’ve known each other long enough for her to reassure him that there are people on his side, in words he won’t accept from me. “How far back?”

Both of them look at me oddly, but Nurlan shrugs. Her single sandal, I notice, is patterned with the same sort of flowers that adorn the walls of the tea shop. “Before he skipped town,” she says.

Good. “How did you know him?”

Nurlan raises a heavily made-up brow. “Jealous type, huh?”

I flush. That isn’t what I was thinking, but it’s a possibility I hadn’t considered. And I’m ashamed of the hostility that floods through me even without proof… and even though she’d called him mine mere moments ago. “I- I just meant, um.” How can I salvage this? How much can I give away without giving anything away? If I tell her I’m looking for a witness to his character, to prove to both him and the Palace that he isn’t the man who murdered Count Lucio, will she play along or try to get away from me as fast as she can, like simply being around me will summon the guards? I wouldn’t blame her either way: it’s a weird thing to ask.

But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m running out of time.

“Uh, sorry. Honestly, I was just wondering if he was always—” Thank god I’m already blushing, because I can’t believe I’m going to say this. “—as cute as he is now.”

Julian sputters and Nurlan laughs, bold and brassy. “Ha, you think he’s the cute one? Of the two of you, you definitely have that covered,” she says, and winks at me.

It’ll be a miracle if I ever stop blushing.

Nurlan doesn’t push the point, calling a tiny flicker of flame to her fingertip and lighting her cigarette. She takes a deep drag and eyes me through the cloud of smoke she lets out. “Yeah, he’s always been that cute. And he was always willing to do the difficult thing, always there when… well, he’s one of the good ones. Fewer of those around these days.”

Julian shifts, almost like he wants to run. But instead he chuckles nervously. “That talent for flattery is what makes you so popular.”

"Oh, you’d know if I was really flattering you. I could have you on your knees before you even realized it.”

“A-ahm, yes, I’m sure you—”

Nurlan cuts him off, holding up one hand. “Does that answer your question, Reyja?”

“Yeah.” I never doubted it: the only one who seems to is Julian himself.

“Good. I’d love to stay and chat but there’s a show tonight. You two are welcome, if you want to come. I can always find a place for my friends.”

Julian shakes his head. “Thank you, Nura, but, ah, we have other plans.”

“Suit yourself.” She taps out her cigarette. “But you owe me a drink before you go galavanting off again.”

“Of course.”

Nurlan eyes him suspiciously, but waves goodbye and starts down the alley next to her, towards a door held open with a box of stage props.

Julian’s gaze lingers on me after she leaves. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Why? She seemed nice.”

“Oh, she is. I’m glad you got to meet her before…”

I can’t let him keep doing this. “What is it, Julian?”

“What is—? Ah. Yes. Erm, right. How about we… the seawall. Let’s, ah, let’s go down to the water and, and talk.”

My heart aches as we cross the street, following the sound of the waves to the southern pier. He wouldn’t keep putting off whatever he wants to say unless it was big. I should be brave and just make him say it now, but I don’t think I want to hear it either.

We walk again, this time in silence. I stew in my own thoughts until I realize that we’ve stopped under a lantern just turned on for the night, close enough to the bay to see the Lazaret’s ominous outline cluttering up the horizon. Julian stares at it for a moment, then wheels to face me. I catch just a glimpse of the pain in his expression before he wraps his arms around me and kisses me so hard, I lose my breath.

He tangles his hands in my hair, his mouth frantic on mine like he would die without me. I’m only too willing to kiss him back, anchoring my grip on the collar of his coat. His attention wanders across my throat, drawing little red bruises where he sucks instead of licks, his breath warm on the saliva he leaves behind. I hold him closer and graze my lips along the shell of his ear, wound up in him so fully that, for a moment, I’m almost able to forget about the looming conversation that brought us here.

He hisses when I take his earlobe between my teeth, pulling away just enough to pant a few words. “P-please, don’t be afraid to bite.”

I happily oblige, and his hiss becomes a moan as his knees give out, making him sag against me and the wall behind us.

“Oh, again!” he begs, tearing his collar down to reveal the side of his neck. “Here, where you’ll leave a mark!”

As I sink my teeth into his pale skin, the image of him doing the same to me, brewed in the swirl of my desperate dream the morning after we talked so long at the Raven, comes rushing back. The cry he fails to swallow sounds so familiar, so passionate, that I almost don’t notice the tears on his cheeks until he steps away and cool evening air flows in to replace him.

“I’m s-so sorry,” he says, turning away to scrub at his uncovered eye with the side of his branded hand. “I’m so sorry, Reyja. Oh, I’m so, so sorry.”

And all at once, I know why we’re here.

“I’ve done you a h-horrible disservice,” Julian continues, pulling each word from a tortured place. “I’ve hindered you, distracted you. And now if I make you fail, I’ll have put you in the bad graces of the Countess herself.”

I answer without hearing my own voice. “Make me fail?”

“I’m afraid I’ve done to you what I’ve done to the people here, people like Nurlan and Barth. Somehow, I’ve made you all believe that I’m a good man, and I’m not. I can’t be: if I haven’t done what they say I’ve done, then where does this guilt, this certainty that I’ve wronged someone so terribly I can never atone for it… where does that come from? The simplest solution is usually the right one.”

He shakes his head and takes another step towards the heartless sea. “I was so selfish, dragging you into this. Oh, I should’ve been strong enough to stay away from you, no matter how much I wanted—” His voice cracks. “All I can do now is make sure you’re safe. Please stay safe, Reyja. Please. This time we’ve stolen meant so much to me. I’ll never forget it, but I hope you can.”

I fight through my numbness enough to find outrage. “You want me to just abandon you, leave you to your fate? You want me to forget my first, my first anything? My first everything? ”

“I want you to be safe. And you won’t be safe with me. There’s a warrant with my name on it in every city from here to Dayyruz. I cannot, will not, be the blood that stains you. Believe me, if I thought I could be the man you deserve…”

“Please don’t do this,” I whisper.

But he isn’t listening anymore. “The Lazaret out there, that’s what I have to offer. A monument to my failures as a doctor and as a man. I killed hundreds. Thousands, maybe. Every life that slipped through my hands is red in my ledger. If I don’t hang for the Count’s murder, I should hang for countless others.”

“Julian, please!”

His shoulders tremble beneath his heavy coat. “I won’t ask you to forgive me. You were right, what you said: that puts far too much of a burden on you to erase the wrongs I’ve done. And you shouldn’t forgive me anyway. I’ve h-hurt you.” He does his best to swallow his tears. “The best I can do now is cauterize the wound and leave you with nothing more than a handful of pleasant memories.”

“Please—”

“I’ll apologize to you with every breath until my last, Reyja, and it still won’t be enough. I know that. C-can… can you get home from here?”

With the bay on one side, I know exactly where I am. Maybe I shouldn’t tell him that, though, if only to spend a few more moments with him. But I won't let my last word be a lie.

“Yes,” I say, so softly it’s a wonder he hears it.

“T-t-then, then this is goodbye.”

He shifts out of the circle of light.

“Julian, wait—!”

But he’s already gone.

---------------

Nurlan Samal belongs to @atypicalacademic​.

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#the arcana #the arcana fanfic #reyja north #julian devorak #moth & raven

[sicklyscribe]

hey so if you wanna hit me with that sweet sweet elijah’s characterization meta anytime please feel free. or direct me to any previous posts because my dumb ass is using this time to re-obsess over vampire melodrama.....

It appears that most of my non-tag and non-petty-casual commentary is still in drafts... so instead of finishing the ‘What the hell is wrong with season 4: an itemized list’ meta and finishing answering the ‘What would you change if you could rewrite any of the show?’ ask from a while ago, I’ll just pick out the Elijah bits and add on to them for garnish. (Those posts might exist at some point. But honestly not soon enough for me to worry about people getting annoyed with copy/paste so PREVIEW TIME: ELIJAH FLAVOR)

This is way sloppier and un-cited than I usually meta, by the way, but what the hell, The Fandom is Dead and I Only Have Friends to Entertain Now, so if anyone gets angry and tries to step into my asks then it’ll just be nostalgic rather than annoying.  Here’s the starter, which is from the F*CK YOU SEASON 4 meta and quite a few of these points will be repeated later because you asked for it technically so.

The cracks in the narrative began to show as early as season two, and believe me when I say I’m not saying this because I love him - it began with Elijah. I can make a lot of arguments to this effect, but the only one that I am certain is not propelled by my very strong bias concerns the presentation of the Red Door.

Initially, I was ecstatic at the opportunity to explore Elijah’s past, his perspective, his darkest moments. I was a bit wary in that it seemed as though the narrative wanted to Explain Everything about Elijah through this device, but he was finally getting some attention so I tried to hold back judgement.The result was pretty promising. One of the most gorgeous moments on the show occurs when Klaus enters Elijah’s mind and tells him how much he needs him. It showcases the main pillar of the show - the structural trifecta of Hope, Klaus, and Elijah. And afterwards, as usual, Elijah pushes the experience away.Until it’s convenient. 

Elijah begins to be erratically vicious. At first, I felt as though it wasn’t handled poorly, I could explain away my worries easily, and that was all I needed. But it happens over, and over, and over again, with the same excuse - protecting the family, protecting Hope. Elijah’s triggers, once so crucial, begin to break down, but we don’t see why or how that process occurs. He begins to be the character that is level-headed when it is convenient, and a violent one-track-mind when it’s convenient. Eventually, in order to maintain balanced tension with a softening Klaus, Elijah became violent without nuance in every situation. His continued development is no longer possible, since his character no longer displays depth.

Which is annoying, as a fan. But as a person who loves to analyze narrative, it’s a huge red flag. Elijah is necessary for this story. His love for Klaus, and Klaus’ relationship with him, is one of the things that holds the narrative together as it goes forward. The two of them need each other in order to experience growth, but cannot grow from each other any longer - and that friction is what provides energy and substance that can help drive a multi-year melodrama. This is why I mentioned above that Elijah’s violence was likely intended to balance with Klaus’ changing heart - but there is no balance in the level of development the two brothers experience. It has been shoddy in many places, but attention has been given to Klaus’ journey towards peace and kindness, while Elijah has been given a single metaphor, a single psychosis, and is expected to carry half of the narrative weight. The story has no choice but to make a plot device out of him - he simply does not have the required depth to be anything else, which is made obvious by the attempt to do so in the ritual to bring Inadu to the material plane, which I will discuss later.

When his development is ignored, when he is used as a tool to get from point A to point B time and time again - that’s when the pillar starts to crumble.

Zooming back in on s1, this was actually my only major structural gripe with season 1, so it comprises the entirety of the ‘what would you change’ for that season:

The poison that rotted the whole dang show started very small — casting Elijah too strongly as a white hat, to offset the darkness of the rest of the main family. This was the right move, of course, but it was pushed a twinge too far and it was the tiny weight that set everything wobbling. As an offshoot of that, this was also done with Hayley to a degree. I would have had them bond very similarly to the way they do in the show, but I would have had them connect at least once over the skeletons in their closets. (Only once or twice, again, since their ship relied in this season on the fallacy of each other being saviors). In fact, this was one I felt so strongly about that I actually did rewrite their scene in 1x07 ‘Bloodletting’.

Then season two when it gets more pronounced: 

The rift in the show widened with the swing-and-miss that was The Red Door arc. Elijah became a Problem when it was convenient for the plot and A Fixer/Sounding Board when it was not. They used probably the most INTERESTING and INTEGRAL part of his characterization -- which had been a mystery for YEARS counting The Vampire Diaries appearances -- and Elijah discovering that either from trauma or his mother’s magic, he has repressed the moments which forged him. This lack of knowledge, this lack of control, should have been something much more cataclysmic and its effects should be clear when comparing ‘Elijah Before’ to ‘Elijah After’. Instead, it kind of served to take off Elijah’s ‘White Hat’ that he’d been illy-fitted with in S1, and allow him to accessorize with it or whatever version of Elijah fits the episode at hand.

This tension, and this chaos should have been much stronger and much more messy than simply putting the Suit back on and being Pretty Much Okay (barring one plot-insignificant diner massacre) only a few episodes later. It would make the therapy scene later with Camille even more gorgeous than it already is and it would then place Elijah’s moment of catharsis, and the beginning of his attempts to move on, with Klaus’ monumental forgiveness in 2x11. I think this is what was intended, but it was not at all achieved, because Elijah is such a tricky character to write, and it is so very easy to use him for whatever the scene requires. Because of this, Elijah’s struggles got dropped just long enough for Klaus’ forgiveness to hit powerfully in viewers for Klaus, but not for Elijah. The writing began to lean on Elijah as a Drama Everyman more and more throughout the show, and it’s just tragic to me that The Red Door wasn’t utilized to its potential. (And that we didn’t have a Klaus/Tatia conversation, but hey, I have an unfinished fixit for that whole saga on Ao3, you’re welcome and I’m sorry).

In season three, we got a few good glimpses of the kind of complexity that Elijah should live in -- the way he kills Arianne, for example, I’ve linked what I called a ‘headcanon’ but in retrospect it was pretty explicitly canon -- and we see the youth and terror and involuntary power in him in the flashback where he discovers that Klaus killed their mother. But the relationship between Tristan and Elijah? The man that he made, and that made him? That was far too pedestrian to have produced either of them. If Elijah learned ‘nobility’ from Tristan, learned what ‘superiority’ looked like, and this was the time that he began to change... we should have had words between them, or a scene highlighting just them, at least once in the flashbacks. 

If this season was supposed to be about the creation of the Trinity, the First Children (because Finn didn’t tell no one that Sage is actually the oldest ‘cuz he’s an ashamed little bitch) why did we see only TWO of the THREE transformations? Klaus turned Lucien accidentally, trying to heal him. Rebekah’s sympathy and love were used as Aurora’s tool to turn herself. When and how did Elijah turn Tristan? It is explained that Elijah turned him in order to create a third vampire for his plot to trick Mikael into chasing them instead -- it is explained that Tristan, Aurora, and Lucien were compelled to believe that they were in fact Elijah, Rebekah, and Klaus in order to make their decoy impeccable. But when this compulsion was shattered -- when Lucien learned that he had been used and made monstrous as a tool for a monster who wasn’t even noble -- did he confront Elijah? Did they ever speak, or was their next meeting the day Elijah learned that Tristan had taken over Elijah’s coven? I would argue that Elijah needed equal weight in the France flashbacks even though he didn’t have a flashy romance (though if early press release rumors were true, he and Tristan could have had one and that would have been perfect) 

Season four is really where you can pick an episode and Elijah will put on the stage makeup and play any part. It’s also -- BIG COINCIDENCE -- where the plot deteriorates completely. Here’s just one example from my Excuse You What the Hell? Season Four meta: 

On to the next moment that showed major neglect (I know this has been Elijah-heavy so far, but again, this is where the problem started so I want to carry this thread through for a while before addressing other issues) - the ritual to bring Inadu to the mortal realm. The purpose of this ritual was to scare viewers with the risk of Hope’s safety and hype the Hollow’s “bad”ness, but also to make the first move in the ‘Letting Go’ thread between Hayley and Elijah. Elijah was supposed to be forced to choose between children's lives and letting the Hollow loose upon the world, and decide to kill the children. That was the dramatic point of placing this ritual in the narrative, but it isn’t mechanically sound.

It is stated outright that the ritual has to end with the death of the children linked to the spell. The children were linked via their totems found in 4x03 - placing Hope definitively in this group.

But we only ever see four of the five in one place. Maybe it was worth it to the Hollow to reach as far out as Hope was to bind her via her hairbrush, maybe it was worth it to the Hollow to drain her from afar, I’d buy that easily. But they made no attempt to kidnap her and place her with the other four children during the ritual. The ritual that required the deaths of five children. Unless it required Hope to be there only on standby, which is absolutely ridiculous. They had the kids on an alter, even if it was just for show. But why not all of them? If the real goal of the ritual was to lure Klaus and/or Marcel, wouldn’t kidnapping Klaus’ child be a more surefire way to accomplish that rather than just hoping the Mikaelsons would come to the right mystical diagnosis in time?

The reason why Hope wasn’t there was because the ritual was never thought through. The reason she wasn’t there is because it didn’t make sense for Elijah to want to kill Hope to stop the Hollow, which is what this ritual actually demanded if it actually worked the way Vincent claimed. In actuality, all that was desired was for Elijah to display a willingness to kill innocents in front of Hayley, and in doing so it demanded that Hope’s life both be at stake and not at stake at all. This failure to coherently execute a single-episode arc is plainly poor storytelling. It displays not only disrespect to the narrative structure, but a blatant flippancy towards one of their main characters and arguably the most complex one on the series. The sloppily contrived tension here between Hayley and Elijah does eventually contribute to the supposed theme, yes, but at what cost?

Elijah was neglected because he was hard to write, and even harder to write well as a ‘light’ foil to Klaus. Marcel should have fully owned that role, and not been similarly jerked around as a plot-serving every-man once the mystery of season 1 and the reasons behind Marcel’s ‘senseless’ cruelty were revealed. 

Elijah was always the cornerstone of the family’s narrative, because he was complex enough to carry it. Camille provided an additional column of support to Klaus’ individual journey as a person/father, but she was bulldozed for Allmighty Plot as well. By the end of season three, both she and Elijah had effectively been thrown in the garbage one way or another, and the show tried to go on without them. It couldn’t. 

I will say that Elijah’s conversation with Hope in that ludicrous backdoor pilot did make me feel things. I did also see the clip where Elijah and Klaus have a heart-to-heart in some sort of european flashback, which was touching, but felt incongruous for their relationship/dev at the time. Hope asking Elijah how old he was when he made his promises to Klaus, though? Elijah offering carte blanche to Hope for how to punish her friend’s bullies? TWO OF THE THREE SCENES INVOLVING ICE CREAM? 

SOME of season 5 is valid but ONLY because it stole scripts from my headcanons.

#anamysis #preview of some metas in progress #hey guys does anyone here want to talk about ELIJAH? #*pepe silvia voice* #Anonymous #asks

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan Chapter 123 Thoughts

I feel like this chapter was actually the most straight-forward chapter since Eren got his head blown off back in chapter 119 - for real this time.

The nuanced character writing and the context-driven, interpretation-based storytelling is still there in moments - I feel like Eren's character and the current situation needs that to work, but other than that, I think it's really self-explanatory and I actually welcome that.

AoT's meta level narrative structure is once again connected to the story's point, themes, emotional beats - after several chapters of a lot of fairly complex and dark material we get a little bit of a breather and so do the characters.

The chapter still has some heavy material (it kind of does end with Eren basically declaring to commit mass genocide) and you might argue the lightheartedness might be a little jarring in light of all the dark stuff that came before it and comes after it, but I really did welcome this as a breather.

As I said in my initial post, I think it also does have thematic significance in that it once again reminds us of the good in the world, I'd add to that, though, that, not only from the perspective of Eren picking those that are innocent to have this horrible fate, but also from the perspective of those he sees are worthy of his protection and showing what he sees as the good that is worth protecting.

He declares to commit mass genocide, but does it with the purpose of protecting those he loves.

This is also a twisted version of the standard "Shounen protagonist fights for everyone he cares about" idea.

I really admire how the story manages to twist these standard tropes while still feeling sincere, making sense and having a point character writing-wise - again, so many stories that try to twist tropes this way feel like they are just dark and shocking for the sake of being dark and shocking and with that comes insincerity and non-believability of the drama in the story and ultimately lack of investment in it.

I’ve seen comparisons of him to Lelouch around, but that series drove me away from the very first episode, so I can’t comment on those (I know the ending of that series, but I feel like I’d need the whole picture to truly comment), but I could talk about possible comparisons to Light Yagami (Eren even almost looks like Light in this chapter, too). While I think it fits in some ways (self-righteous young man executing his justice) and I think Light is an entertaining villain, I don't think he's nearly as complex as Eren or even as complex in a general sense as I often see people claim he is.

I feel like Light didn't really have an arc and had his mindset basically set from the start, he just gradually executed it on a increasingly larger scale. Light’s goal of justice didn’t really ever have any sort of goodness to it. Eren genuinely wishes to protect those he loves, Light’s “justice” is just unnuanced self-righteousness with a dash of god complex thrown in there. I’ve seen the argument that it’s the power of the Death Note that corrupted him around, but I feel like he had the same perspective from start to finish.

I think it’s an interesting comparison.

I think you could technically make a similar argument for Eren - you could see this as just an reinterpretation of his character, rather than development, but I myself feel like his path to this point is much more complex than that and depends of several factors and events leading up to this point in the story.

Despite all the talking about how Eren might've "never changed" by the characters, I think there was a character development process that lead Eren here.

He wasn't so accutely aware of the humanity of the "other side" he was fighting against back when he was a kid.

Again, I don't think Eren ever fought for freedom at specifically the *cost* of others before Marley. His desire for freedom back then felt much more neutral to me:

(Chapter 14)

There were elements of his cynical side showing here and there, just not to the extremes he goes to here.

He wasn't this pragmatic as his 15 year-old self, in fact, at one point, he was the one looking and wanting for other ways out than plain sacrifice:

(Chapter 25)

Chapter 25 specifically concerns him, but you can also see this in much more recent moments:

(Chapter 90)

Most importantly, though, here:

(Chapter 107)

I feel like, both, him understanding the impact of what he's about to do and the choice to destroy the world are character development results.

Him seeing the humanity of his enemies leads to the positive conclusions he comes to (his current, more nuanced world view) and him being surrounded by all this negativity and more importantly, his hyper-focus on this negativity induced by the many horrible things he has experienced himself and in his father's (and the other shifters') memories leads to him being unable to see any other way out of this than the one he chose here.

In this chapter, Eren couldn't see the beauty of the world and the one time he chose to do so, he did it with a sort of sense of finality and decisiveness.

He waited as long as he could bear, but from his perspective ultimately just didn’t see any other way out.

His negative and positive growth also sort of contradict each other - he understands what he's about to do is so horrible, but does it anyway.

You could see it as a contradiction coming from how his mind has twisted because of everything negative he has experienced, ranging from his trauma from loss to him gaining his father’s and other shifters’ memories. 

You could also, though, see this as a contradiction that might have more to it.

If Eren has enough perspective now to know what he's doing is horrible, why doesn't he have enough perspective to not commit mass genocide? Then, perhaps he does and there is more to his plan?

It's either that trauma and negativity is one hell of a mindscrewer and it's just his mind coming to very twisted conclusions or there is more to his plan.

My guess in the case of the second option would be that he's attempting to unite humanity against him (Willy already started this) and the purpose of his announcement is for all the Eldians across the world to inform everyone else and with that help them evacuate before the rumbling arrives at their location, giving the rest of the world more positive actions to go off of when judging the Eldians.

This could paint even all the Eldians on Paradis as victims of the "main villain" Eren Jaeger and the Titans and since this is something world-wide, this perspective could spread.

It's unbelievable everybody would listen because of the discrimination, but it's also unbelievable that nobody would listen as there are always at least some understandable and kind people out there.

We’ve seen this with the volunteers growing to see the Eldians as more human, we see this in Magath’s character arc and even in the small moment of the guards protecting Gabi. There is good in here, it’s just buried.

Perhaps there could’ve been peace at some point with some countries if Eren hadn’t acted as he did in Liberio. But at the same time Marley had their plan to attack Paradis in the near future to begin with, so even the small moments of goodness come with the constant caveat brought up over and over again of there being very little time.

What would you expect from Eren in this situation?

Eren framing himself as the villain could change nothing and it could change everything depending on how it's done and how deep the hatred against Eldians truly runs.

Perhaps some Eldians wouldn't even want to tell anyone anything because of how poorly they've been treated.

This plan would rely on the existing goodness on all sides.

Taking Eren down might need the combined strength of the Titan society in Marley, the Paradisians and the collected army of the world and the losses here might be massive enough where the aftermath might force some sort of changes to happen for this to never happen again, the only (very large) side note here, again, being that those proposed changes might just still involve the complete extermination of all Eldians after this.

Moving on from the larger scale stuff though, the other big, a little bit more interpretive scene of the chapter was Eren's moment with Mikasa.

I've been iffy about the possible romantic nature of their relationship since Grisha called Mikasa his daughter back in chapter 121 - if there was already a familial bond like that there, it really veers into squicky material to me, but it's still ambigious enough that I'm still letting it slide for now. It's only on Grisha's part still and Mikasa never calls Eren's parents her own parents - Carla is always auntie and Grisha is Dr. Yeager.

It's always been sort of awkward because of how Mikasa's backstory worked out, but for now I still consider it fine.

As far as that scene, though, as it's been like across the story, I feel like it's definitely shown as romantic on Mikasa's side, while I think it's similarly neutral as it's always been on Eren's side.

Much more important here is what it means, though - what could the subtext here be?

Did Eren look for confirmation for putting the idea/plan he had in mind in motion - confirming that Mikasa didn't care that strongly for him and thus wouldn't miss him that strongly/could defeat him when the time came for him to die (if that's the plan he's going with)?

Was it confirming to himself that what he's about to do would be worth it for if not nobody else, then at least her because she cared, not even necessarily about him, but in a general sense was a source of goodness within all this negativity he's been seeing, confirmation that Paradis was worth protecting at the cost of the rest of humanity because they were good and the others were bad, then actually looping back to his old attitude in some ways, basically looking for confirmation for his faith in the goodness of humanity?

Did he in his desparation turn to Mikasa to somehow give him another option to the one he saw or did he hope her answer would somehow change his mind when it came to executing his plan?

Maybe it was partially all these, maybe it was something entirely different, but I'm leaning on the third option the most myself.

It might just have been a secret cry for him to be protected from himself.

The gist of it seems to be him asking about the sincerity of Mikasa's feelings and whether she cares about him, doesn't matter if you see it as romantic or not.

I'm not sure if she could've changed anything because Eren was already isolated and stuck in his negative thoughts - a simple love confession wouldn’t fix all the baggage Eren has been collecting.

On the flip side, Armin thoughts when switching back to the present involved believing in the goodness in Eren - that he was on their side and he is, the problem is that Eren took his gained pragmatism too far.

Personally, I lean on the option of there being more to Eren's plan, but I can also see him just being stuck on just not seeing another option. He got his view of there not being another option confirmed many times across the 4 year timeskip and this chapter continued to show that to him.

Putting Eren aside, though, as said, this chapter was also the funnest and lightest since forever - the group reacting to a car, the group reacting to ice cream, Levi's interactions with the clown and everyone getting drunk was a blast.

It amplifies the tragedy, but is also fun.

As said, a lot of this chapter was actually very straight-forward. They all visit the outside world and have some fun and strange encounters with it. It was nice, but pretty simple so there isn’t actually much more for me to say about the more light-hearted elements of this chapter.

Finally, again on a less lighter note, I think this chapter sadly might've confirmed Historia's pregnancy. She seems to be in the Paths with a belly and since everyone's bodies seem to correspond to their real bodies in paths, unless there's something else to it, it feels like a pretty clearly-defined confirmation.

I could see Ymir undoing it, but I don't see how it could be fake now unless that girl in one of the final spreads of the chapter is a red herring and not Historia.

I think the best way the pregnancy could go to me is if it genuinely was Historia's decision (not her going back to her sacrifical self, but her very own sincere decision). You could still nitpick it to death and this plot point would have messy implications no matter what you do, but I think that would probably the best way it could go aside from her pregnancy being removed because it would at least in the very basics align with her arc.

Meanwhile, AoT continues to at least have my undivided attention because of Eren's very unique arc and the gripping plotting.

I thought this was a great chapter as what kind of chapter it set out to be - equally a breather and a setup chapter.

It had great staging, great lightheartedness and a great cliffhanger.

#Attack on Titan #Shingeki no Kyojin #AoT 123 #SnK 123 #Chapter 123 #AoT #SnK

[perspective-series]

Meta Perspective (14) (Final)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: Injury mention and mention of past mistakes

(Check the reblog for the links to any future chapters)

————————————————————————————————–

 Virgil groaned, shifting awake. He opened his eyes, noticing Amanda not too far away from him, sleeping on his other pillow. He smiled fondly at her and reached over gently to nudge her with a finger. “Hey...wake up.”

“Hmm?” Amanda hunched away from the touch, yawning and rubbing at her eyes. “What’s up?”

 “I can hear Patton making breakfast for us,” Virgil said, offering his hand to her. “Hungry?”

Amanda blinked, regaining her bearings as she remembered last night. “Starving.” She assured him, climbing on.

 Virgil nodded and dragged himself out of bed, being careful of Amanda. He headed out, seeing that he had heard correctly when he saw Patton in the kitchen. Patton turned and grinned at the two of them. “Good morning!” He exclaimed.

 “Morning, Pat.” He said, setting Amanda down on the table.

“Morning, Pat.” Amanda copied.

 “Did you guys sleep okay? Oh! And how did your talk with Allison go last night?” Patton asked, directing the last question to just Amanda.

 Virgil blinked. “Wait, you talked to Allison last night?”

“I do have friends besides you, you know.” Amanda quipped, giving Virgil a look.

 Virgil put his hands up in surrender before going over to make some coffee. Patton chuckled. “We know kiddo, but how did it go? Is she...did she say anything about us? Or Roman and Logan?” Patton was curious about how the other borrower thought of them.

“Mhm.” Amanda nodded, wondering how much she was at liberty to say. “She ah… she agreed not to move, and she was gonna try to patch things up with her humans.”

 “Really?” Patton grinned wide at that. “That’s great! Roman and Logan may have messed up a little but their still good people with good intentions. I’m sure everything will work out.”

 “...I think it will be fine.” Virgil admitted. “I know I was giving them crap yesterday but they are still our friends.”

“Well, I don’t know them.” Amanda was still a bit tense about that aspect. “Not really, at least. But even Allison was willing to give them a chance, despite being the one at the center of everything that happened, so they can’t be so bad. She was gonna read and play games with them.”

 “Aww, that sounds fun!” Patton clapped his hands once before turning when he remembered the food. Virgil poured himself a coffee, sipping it slowly.

 “Do you think we should...check on them? Er, later on, I mean?” Virgil asked.

“Could you?” Amanda said hopefully. “I mean, I don’t think it’ll go too poorly, but… well, I doubt Allison would want to get stuck in a jar for very long again.”

 Both humans winced. “Yeah, definitely. Did you want to come with?” Virgil asked as Patton handed out the food. It looks like they were having hashbrowns, eggs, and bacon again, not that Virgil was complaining.

“Yeah, I can come too.” Amanda agreed, walking closer to her food. “Thanks, Patton.”

 “No problem kiddo!” Patton said as he took a seat. Virgil wasn’t far behind. 

 “Alright, then I say we give it a few more hours and then head over to check on them.” Virgil planned out. “We don’t have classes today, so it’ll be a shorter wait...wait, did she say when she was going to try this?”

“...morning.” Amanda gave a small nod as if confirming this to herself. “Yeah, this morning.”

 “Oh, that early?” Patton said, swallowing a mouthful of food. “Maybe we shouldn’t wait too long then?”

 “Eh, an hour or two should be fine. Right, Amanda?” Virgil asked.

“I think it should be fine.” Amanda agreed, hoping she wasn’t wrong. She had been putting a lot of trust in the goodwill of humans lately.

 “Me too!” Patton said. “And that means we have some time to waste! Oh, but…” Patton looked over at Amanda’s leg. “Maybe we should check on your leg first.”

“Right… about that.” Amanda gave an awkward chuckle, feeling suddenly nervous. 

 “Huh? What’s up?” Patton asked, tilting his head slightly. Virgil ate as he honed in on what Amanda was gonna say.

“My leg. I, it’s kind of healed already.” Amanda rubbed the back of her neck.

 Both humans blinked in surprise. “It...is?” Patton asked.

 “Huh, no wonder you were able to climb on me last night,” Virgil muttered.

 Patton frowned. “Wait, so then...why didn’t you tell us?”

“Okay, this is going to sound a bit silly.” Amanda hoped it sounded silly at least because having her fears confirmed would be a massive buzzkill. “But basically I thought if you knew it was healed, you’d kick me out.”

 “Oh kiddo...We wouldn’t kick you out for a silly reason like that.” Patton paused. “Or, you know, at all for that matter. You’re our friend.”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

 “Unless you don’t, of course.” Patton jumped in. “Remember, it’s completely your decision if you want to stay or leave.”

“Yeah, no, I know that now, it just feels… weird, accepting charity.” Amanda explained. “Like when my leg was messed up I had an excuse to be out here but now I’m just freeloading.”

 “Hey, you are no freeloader,” Patton argued. “You’re our friend! And friends do things for each other.” He looked to Virgil, who nodded in agreement. “We enjoy your company.”

“Well, I enjoy your company too, except it’s not an equal trade.” Amanda winced. “Because I also live with you. And steal your food. And I don’t have a job or school or whatever.”

 “...Eh, she has a point.” Virgil said but at Patton’s look, he grinned. “Kidding.”

 “That’s okay, we really don’t mind,” Patton revealed. “But...if you really did want to help out, we might be able to figure something out? You don’t have to, though.”

“Wait, like what?” Amanda asked.

 “Well…” Patton trailed off, thinking hard.

 “You could be our designated bug killer,” Virgil suggested. “Pat here is terrified of spiders, so that could work.”

“I can kill spiders.” Amanda agreed, her hand going to her sword.

 “Then that’s settled. You kill the spiders and your welcome to stay as long as you want.” Patton grinned. “Deal?” He stuck out his finger.

“Deal.” Amanda agreed, giving it a shake. She quite liked the idea of having a role of her own.

***

Allison woke up the next morning and immediately headed out before she could change her mind. She clung to her bag as she drew closer to the apartment. Would they even be home? She hoped so but if not she might just wait for them. 

 She entered the apartment and scaled the coffee table, looking around the room. She saw no one and sighed. Of course. She didn’t know what day it was but it was a possibility the two were at school at the moment. It looks like she would have to wait. In the meantime, she might as well go to the kitchen to look for something to eat. She scaled back down and headed in that direction.

By the time she reached the kitchen, two loud voices could be heard entering through the front door, one noticeably more boisterous than the other.

“How can you not like Shakespeare?” Roman ranted, clearly still in the middle of an argument. “And you call yourself a poet.”

“I do not call myself a poet.” Logan corrected. “And I merely stated that while progressive, Shakespeare still lacks the…” His sentence trailed off, his eyes falling to the counter as they entered the kitchen. “We have a guest.”

Roman followed Logan’s gaze, eyes immediately lighting up when he spotted the borrower. “Allison! You’re back!”

 Allison tensed and almost ducked away to hide when she heard the voices but stopped herself. She was here for them, after all. “Uh, yeah. I am.” She winced at her own words.

“Is there something you require?” Logan asked, hypothesizing she would not reveal herself without a purpose.

 “Oh, uh, yeah.” Okay, here it goes. “I was just wondering if maybe we could...hang...out?” Allison asked, getting less brave even as she spoke. Oh, this had been a terrible idea, hadn’t it?

Logan glanced between Allison and Roman. Roman did the same, but with Logan.

“But of course we can hang out!” Roman declared, giving her a wide grin.

“Hang out with whom?” Logan asked for clarification.

 “Oh, well...both of you? Not together, like separate. One at a time to get to know each other better? Um, I’ll admit this wasn’t my idea. Amanda suggested I do this so we could...bond?” Allison admitted.

“I like Amanda.” Roman decided with a grin. He had been unsure after being rejected yesterday, but this certainly made up for it. “How about you and I spend some time together then?”

 Allison nodded. “That sounds good.” She stepped forward a little wondering if she should climb down herself or wait for Roman to offer her a hand.

She didn’t have to wait long; the second she confirmed, Roman set down his palm near her.

“Where do you want to go?” Roman asked. “There’s a cute little ice cream parlor down the street. Ooh! Or we could go to the park, or see what’s playing at the theatre.”

 Allison climbed on but tensed as Roman mentioned actually going somewhere. “Oh, um, I...I would prefer if we stayed...inside. Please.” Allison said. There were too many humans outside for her to be comfortable.

“Discrepancy is key.” Logan advised.

“...right.” Roman felt his ears turn pink, embarrassed he hadn’t thought of that himself. “Well, ah, in that case, what would you like to do?”

 “Well...maybe we could play more games?” Allison suggested, remembering what her and Amanda had talked about last night.

“Yes! Games!” Roman headed to the living room, looking delighted by the suggestion. “What sort of games would you like?”

 “Um...well, what kind of games do you have?” Allison had forgotten what Roman had listed before.

“How about a board game?” Roman suggested. He set Allison down on the coffee table, going to pull out the large stack from the closet. A few came tumbling down, a side effect of Roman’s poor organization skills.

 “Sure, but I’ve never played any before,” Allison said. She only had a vague idea of what they even were.

“Oooh, okay, then we must pick a good one.” Roman brought a few titles over to the table, pursuing them. “I think this is a good place to start.” Roman suggested, holding up a box that read ‘Monopoly’.

 Allison blinked. “Uh, okay, yeah sounds good.” She wasn’t quite sure what Monopoly was though.

Roman began to set up the board, sorting out wads of cash. “So what do borrowers usually do for fun, anyways? Do you guys have your own sorts of board games?”

 Allison shook her head. “No, nothing like that...I guess borrowing might count as fun? I mean, it’s super tense, especially when you’re trying not to be seen but sometimes the adrenaline of almost being caught is kind of fun.” She said with a shrug. It could also be incredibly stressful too but as a borrower, you took fun where you could get it.

“Oh, kind of like pulling a prank.” Roman related, smiling in memory. His roommate was not as fond of pranks, but that just made it all the more fun.

 Allison tilted her head. “A...prank?”

“It’s when you do something silly to mess with someone’s day,” Roman explained. “Place googly eyes around, fill Oreos with toothpaste, prop up a water bucket… come on, surely you’ve done something like that before!”

 “Oh! Yeah, I’ve done something like that before.” Allison smiled. “I’ve hidden Amanda’s borrowing supplies before as backup for her doing it to me.” She laughed at the memory.

“See? Pranks are awesome.” Roman sighed happily. His face slowly began to morph as he was struck with inspiration. “...wait. Allison, I have had the most amazing idea.”

 “What?” She asked, curious.

“We should totally go pull a prank.” Roman leaned forwards eagerly, the board game now forgotten.

 Allison blinked. “A prank on who?” She thought for a moment. “Wait, do you mean on Logan?”

“Yes, it’s perfect.” Roman insisted. “He’s always suspicious of me now, but he’ll never suspect you. Plus you’re so small that you can sneak right past him too. We’ll make a terrific team.”

 “I-I don’t know,” Allison admitted. “Will it make him...mad? If we tried?” She asked, not liking the idea of a human being angry at her.

“No, he usually doesn’t get mad, just annoyed.” Roman shrugged. “Plus I doubt he’d dare get annoyed at you, because he’s still so self-centered about his whole moping thing. Just another reason you’d be a great ally.”

 Allison pursed her lips, looking down. Even if Logan did try something, which at this point seems unlikely, Roman was there in case anything happened. Besides...it did sound like fun. She sent a small smile up at Roman. “Okay. What’s the plan?”

***

Logan paused, spotting Allison alone on his desk when he walked into his bedroom. “...are you looking for something?”

 Allison took a deep breath, she could do this. Just distract Logan long enough for Roman to strike. Easy. “Oh no, I just uh...wanted to talk? A bit?”

“Talk?” Logan slowly pulled out his chair, sitting down. “About what?”

 “Well...there’s a lot of...tension, between us. Wouldn’t you agree?” Allison said, feeling nervous.

“Yes, that is accurate.” Logan sighed. “I know I am to blame for that. I do apologize, the way I’ve acted has been cruel and thoughtless.”

 Allison scuffed her shoe against the desk. “Yeah…” She agreed. “Being in that jar was not...fun. But I think it was the fact that you just kept ignoring me that really got to me.” Allison admitted.

“Yes, I understand that now.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “I was just thrown off guard and didn’t know what to do. I could not do anything right, so I assumed doing nothing at all would be better.”

 “I...I get where you were coming from. Sorta.” Allison rubbed the back of her neck. “And I also get why you didn’t want me to leave. I mean, if I saw someone smaller than me, I’d be pretty fascinated too, I guess.”

“Fascination doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I appreciate the sentiment,” Logan said. “I hope going forwards we can remain on civil terms.”

 Allison nodded and she smiled softly. “Civil terms to start off but...maybe eventually we could even be...friends?” Allison asked. “I mean, I heard you like books! I happen to be a fan of books myself, I just uh...never get the chance to read.” She chuckled.

Logan blinked, looking happily surprised. “Are you really? Well, in that case, I would love to share my library with you. And companionship sounds most admirable.”

 Allison perked up. “That sounds...that sounds great! Th-Thank you.” She said, smiling wide.

Before Logan could get in another word edgewise, Roman, who had been sneaking up throughout the entirety of Allison’s conversation, took this wholesome moment to strike.

“PRANKED!” Roman declared, dumping a large tub of confetti all over the bewildered college student.

“I-wha-ho-” Logan tried to form a coherent sentence, which is difficult when your mouth continues to fill with little colored bits of paper. He sputtered, looking quite disoriented.

 “Oh!” Allison had gotten so caught up in the conversation she had forgotten why she had started it in the first place. She let out a laugh. 

“Thank you Allison, you did a wonderful job.” Roman praised, putting out his finger for a ‘high-five’. 

“You were his accomplice?” Logan realized.

 “Yeah, sorry. But everything I said was true! Just to make sure you know that.” Allison said. She didn’t want him to think that whole thing meant nothing.

“And it was so pure.” Roman teased, shaking Logan gently by the shoulders. The nerd blushed.

“How long were you eavesdropping?” Logan asked.

“The entire time.” Roman assured him. “I was in the closet, ironically.”

 “We planned it after I told Roman about pulling a prank on Amanda once.” Allison explained. “He said I would be the ‘perfect accomplice’.”

“I see you were.” Logan gave her a soft smile. “I never suspected a thing.”

 Allison gave a proud grin. 

 At that moment, there was a knock at the front door and her attention turned that way. She looked up at the humans with a curious frown.

“I’ll go check who’s come a’knockin’.” Roman declared, heading into the living room. He pressed his ear to the door. “Who goes there?”

 “It’s us, Princey,” Virgil said through the door with a sigh.

 “Hi, Roman!” Patton exclaimed.

“Oh.” Roman opened the door, happily surprised to see Amanda in Patton’s hands. “Oh!”

“Uh...hey.” Amanda gave a slight wave.

 “We wanted to come and check on you, make sure Allison didn’t end up in a jar again,” Virgil said, giving Roman a look before heading into the apartment.

 “Not that we think you would do it again, just...making sure,” Patton said with a small smile. “And Amanda wanted to come too.”

“I’m supervising,” Amanda explained.

“Oh, no, I can assure you, we’re getting along swimmingly here, no jars necessary.” Roman paused, turning back to the bedroom with a smirk. “Hey Logan, is Allison in a jar?”

“...no?” A confused and alarmed Logan called back.

 Allison chuckled a little. “I’m jarless!” She called out, hoping she would be heard from where she was. She turned to Logan. “Maybe we should join them.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Logan placed his palm down for her.

 Allison looked down at the hand and let out a deep breath before slowly climbing on. Logan was good now, she could trust him.

Carefully Logan brought Allison up, cradling her in a fashion that was safe but not constricting as he slowly made his way into the living room. 

“See? She’s fine!” Roman insisted, giving Allison a grin.

 Patton grinned happily as he saw her. “Hi, Allison! Everything okay here?”

 Allison smiled and nodded. “Yeah...I think everything worked out pretty well.” She looked at her two humans before turning to Amanda. “Glad I took your advice.”

“I got mad human skills.” Amanda grinned, giving two thumbs up to show she was happy that everything was working out. 

 Allison grinned, giggling slightly. Patton could help but grin at how cute that was. “Well, it seems like everything is working out! I mean, I’d even say we’re all friends!”

“Wow, that was fast.” Amanda seemed impressed. Then again, Allison wasn’t one to hold a grudge. 

“It was friendship at first sight.” Roman decided.

“No, that is entirely inaccurate.” Logan sighed. “But after careful discussion, we are certainly on pleasant terms and have agreed to move forwards in a friendly manner.”

 “And that’s all that really matters,” Allison said, smiling. “Yeah, we might not have started off...great. But I think you guys have all proven yourself to be trustworthy.”

 “Aww, Allison!” Patton exclaimed, smiling wide. Virgil snorted.

 “Not great is an understatement to how everything started but...yeah, I think you’re right.”

Amanda hummed, looking between the humans she knew, the humans she didn’t, and her best friend. “So… now what?”

 “We...go on as normal?” Patton suggested.

 “I wouldn’t exactly call this normal.” Allison brought up. “After all, we technically should be packing up to move away...but I have to admit, I don’t want to.”

“I can’t move,” Amanda informed her, a knowing grin on her features. “I’ve got a job now.”

“You...what?” Logan looked puzzled by this development.

 Allison blinked. “I’m...sorry? You have a job?” How did that happen?

 Patton giggled but Virgil was the one to answer. “She’s our resident spider slayer.”

 Allison’s eyes widened. “Ooooooh, but wait, why?”

“Because I wanted to do something useful if I’m going to be out and about all the time,” Amanda explained.

“A spider slayer? That’s so brave!” Roman praised.

“Are you mocking me?” Amanda squinted, uncertain.

“No no, I assure you, my praises are sincere,” Roman assured her. 

“Oh, well then, thanks.” Amanda gave a shy smile, preening from the compliment.

 “She is pretty good at killing spiders,” Allison said, before looking down in thought. “Well...I want to do something too! If...If it’s okay to even stay with you guys?” She asked, realizing Roman and Logan hadn’t actually said she could yet.

“Yes, of course, we would love to have you.” Roman tried to contain his excitement at the prospect of Allison sticking around.

“Indeed. Although, you are certainly not required to kill spiders if you do not wish to perform such a task.” Logan assured her. Though he could see how spiders could be a threat to borrowers, from the human side of things they were quite beneficial to the environment.

 “Yeah...I’ve never really been a huge spider killing person.” She was afraid of them, in all honesty. She thought for a moment. “Oh! But I can sew pretty well. Maybe I can sew any rips you get in your clothes?” She suggested.

“I’m certain your precision would be much finer than our own in that regard,” Logan observed.

“We wouldn’t want to overwork you, but if that makes you happy your assistance is more than welcome.” Roman agreed with a smile.

 “Well, it looks like I’ve got a job now too!” Allison exclaimed. “So...I guess we’re both staying then.”

 “Yay! Oh, I’m so happy!” Patton grinned. 

 “Same. I’m glad you guys aren’t going anywhere. I’d, uh...I’d miss you.” Virgil said, a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Sap.” Amanda teased. 

“Well if we’re all in agreement, then perhaps we should all get better acquainted,” Roman suggested, gesturing to the group as a whole.

“In what way?” Logan asked.

 “Oh! I could cook dinner for everyone back at our apartment?” Patton suggested. “Maybe we could even watch a movie afterwards.”

 “That...sounds fun.” Allison grinned. “I haven’t seen a movie before. Mostly because uh...I was still trying to escape during my chance to watch one.”

“Right.” Roman looked sheepish. “Well, it would be wonderful to amend that.”

“It sounds like a good suggestion, if everyone is agreed.” Logan looked around for confirmation.

“If a movie is anything like Sherlock, I’m all in,” Amanda assured them.

 “Sherlock?” Allison asked. She thought that was a book.

 “We watched the TV show Sherlock on Netflix the other day,” Virgil explained with a shrug.

 “Oh, gotcha.”

 “Well great! Then everyone grab some pajamas and head over to our place! I’ll start up some dinner, everyone okay with pizza?” Patton asked with a grin.

 “Yeah!” Allison knew what pizza was and was excited to finally be able to try it.

“Yes, that sounds great!” Amanda echoed Allison’s excitement.

“Affirmative.” Logan nodded, his dramatic roommate nodding as well.

 “Then let’s go! Best friend movie night commences now!” Patton shouted, bouncing up and down but still being mindful of Amanda.

The group journeyed together down to the lower apartment, taking the first steps on their journey as new friends.

#gt #Giant/tiny #thomas sanders #sanders sides #infinitesimal!sides #au #borrowers #human!virgil #human!patton #human!logan #human!roman #borrower!allison #borrower!amanda #platonic #meta perspective #part 14

[ahopefuldoubt]

Top 5 references to midrash or to Torah commentary in The Prince of Egypt.

1. Aaron as spokespersonIt would be impossible for me not to mention Aaron on this list, for the oft-noted and sometimes- (oft-?) criticized differences between Aaron in the Torah and Aaron in the film are among what I’ve spent the past three and a half years thinking about.  (He’s played such a key role both in my coming out of the fog/processing trauma as an adoptee and in my Jewish learning and journey.)

In the Torah, Gd appoints Aaron to be Moses’ spokesperson to the people, as Moses is reluctant to take on the task of speaking to and leading the Israelites, arguing that he’s not a man of words, being “slow of speech and slow of tongue” (JPS translation).  However, for The Prince of Egypt, the filmmakers say they had to change Aaron’s role, primarily because it would take too much from Moses’ agency.  Instead they made Aaron “the skeptic who represents the doubt and cynicism of the Hebrews” (The Movie Scrapbook).

But, how interesting and full of implications that is.  At least, that’s how I feel.  It’s interesting that Aaron remains a spokesperson.  It’s interesting that he’s still the voice of, or for, the people, who are “fickle” (like they are in the Torah), and that he acts as a representative.  This article on My Jewish Learning says that “Aaron is dominant in relating to the people.”  I’ve thought about this role as a “connector” as it might relate to his function as the High Priest (korbanot; bringing closer).  I’ve thought about Aaron’s communicating the needs, the distress, of his people as it might relate to the Golden Calf episode, where he responds to their needs.  The filmmakers did in fact make changes to Aaron’s character and his relationship with Moses (and Gd do I love it, because as much as he is the voice of the people, he is his own voice, and that arc, toward hope and with Moses, is everything), but at the same time I’ve loved delving into how those changes possibly, perhaps unintentionally, make him similar to his biblical counterpart.  Oh, and I think he ends up with Moses in the movie the way he starts, and is consistent, with Moses in the Torah; also the former shows the process.

Other references I love: The light blue color of Aaron’s robe seems to be a nod to the robe that the High Priest wears (do an image search for “kohen gadol”).  Though I like my offbeat personal midrash about the Clouds of Glory, Aaron taking the first steps towards the Red Sea is probably a more deliberate reference to his brother-in-law Nachshon, who in the midrash is the first to step forward while everyone else is too afraid.

2. The Well of MiriamThe Well of Miriam was a rock that was given to the Israelites on Miriam’s merit.  It followed them in the wilderness, and under Miriam’s care put forth water that helped sustain the people.  Without the Well, and without Miriam, the people would have had nothing to drink (indeed, it disappeared upon her death).  I love how, in the film, Miriam is shown giving water to Tzipporah for her journey back to Midian, the siblings reunite by a well, and she’s shown with a jug of some kind in the scene before Moses accidentally kills the Egyptian guard (I’ve always assumed it’s water she’s carrying, perhaps to give to the slaves).  Miriam is closely associated with water (even her name!), with bolstering life and hope.  PoE stands out and above as an adaptation because of the way it treats Miriam and her role in the story, incorporating and following midrash and honoring her defiant, hopeful, prophetic, guiding character.

Other references I love: Miriam is characterized by knowing, in terms of prophecy and being a witness to infant Moses’ fate on the Nile.  She’s the one who makes sure Moses knows who he is: in the Torah, by suggesting that their mother become his wet-nurse (presumably he grows up knowing he’s Hebrew); in PoE, by telling him the truth about his origins when they all meet near the well.

3. Connections to Numbers 12I wrote about it in this post.  It’s an unconfirmed reference, and I might be stretching the material a bit, but I’ve always been intrigued by how even just the basic outline of the episode in the Torah — Miriam and Aaron speak out, Miriam is punished, Aaron pleads to Moses for her to be healed — resembles what happens in the well scene in the film.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that it took three years for me to write about the connections.  There was just a ton of reading and gathering of information to do in the meantime (on the back-burner most of the time because I was also coping with my mom’s death, and because the well scene has always held other emotional significance) — regarding Miriam’s feelings about Tzipporah, who “the Cushite woman” even is in the first place, reconciling Aaron’s apparent lack of punishment, etc.

4 / 5. Pharaoh’s hardened heartOne thought-provoking book that I read earlier this year was The Exodus You Almost Passed Over by Rabbi David Fohrman (some excellent wordplay in that title), which covers a lot more than what I’m about to try to explain here.

The section of the book I want to highlight is language-related.  The English translation popularly states that Pharaoh’s heart “hardens” or “is hardened.”  However, the original Hebrew actually uses two different words: chizuk halev, or “strength of heart” (e.g. courage, emboldening), and kibbud halev, or “hardness of heart” (e.g. stubbornness).  Tying to its overall premise, the book seeks to analyze when and why they’re used.  One place where chizuk halev occurs is after the Nile has been turned to blood: When his magicians are able to replicate the change, Pharaoh’s heart is strengthened.  That is, he takes courage and is reassured that he can outlast whatever “tricks” Moses and Aaron, and their Gd, are attempting to throw at him.  An instance of kibbud halev occurs after the plague of frogs: Pharaoh makes the oddly specific request to have the frogs removed “tomorrow,” and even when Gd does this, Pharaoh ignores the sign of Gd’s precise control over the plague, and hardens his heart.

As I mentioned, there’s a lot more to Rabbi Fohrman’s book.  I enjoyed it because it gave me a new perspective on Genesis and Exodus in general, and a chance to revisit and gain an intellectual interest in Rameses and the entirety of the plagues sequence in the film, thinking about how both chizuk halev and kibbud halev appear there too, and about that lyric, “Let my heart be hardened.”

5 / 4. Meeting Jethro, Tzipporah’s sisters, and TzipporahExodus 2:16-22 describes the meeting between Moses and Tzipporah’s family, Moses’ marriage to Tzipporah, and the birth of their son Gershom, beginning this way: “Now the priest of Midian had seven daughters.  They came to draw water, and filled the troughs to water their father’s flock; but shepherds came and drove them off.  Moses rose to their defense, and he watered their flock” (JPS translation of verses 16-17).  I like how closely the movie follows this part, and I’ve always enjoyed Jethro’s “you should not be a stranger in this land” as a sort of sly reference to Gershom, whose name was inspired by Moses’ feeling that he has been a stranger in a foreign land.

There’s a midrash that says that Reuel/Jethro is fearful of Moses and throws him into a pit to die, and that Moses only survives those years because Tzipporah sneaks him food.  Clearly the movie decided not to go that route.  (It’s maybe possible to make a Tzipporah-rescuing-Moses-from-a-hole-in-the-ground connection?  But honestly there’s an established tradition of couples meeting by a well: Rebecca and Isaac, Rachel and Jacob.)  I’m not very familiar with Jethro midrashim — based on what I do know, it seems like PoE Jethro is more similar to in-the-biblical-text Jethro: welcoming toward Moses and giving him counsel.

[#4 and #5 switch spots: Even though I like Tzipporah and her family quite a bit more, and I love the montage in Midian, the stuff with Rameses is more stimulating for my brain.]

Last edited: 10/8/19, minor edits

#the prince of egypt #ask #confused-goy #thank you for sending this! #aaron #miriam #moses #rameses #tzipporah #jethro #tzipporah's sisters #torah #midrash #new stuff #my writing #this is so long i tried to make every word count #actually the newer jps transl. uses 'stiffen' (chizuk) & 'became stubborn' (kibbud)?

[ambitionsource]

AMBITION Season 2 ♫ “Are We Out of the Woods” [ 2.03 ]

CREATED BY Esther (rapunzles) & Maggie (daphnegolshiri) || S2 Tag || Official Page

WRONG THINGS, RIGHT THINGS – Disaster strikes rehearsals for the fall musical when a major vandalism throws everyone off schedule. As the junior class points fingers at prime suspects, Riley and Isadora attempt to clear a good friend’s name. Although only one student is responsible for the crime, more than one of them is lying.

62 Minutes (16K words) || No warnings apply.

[ ← Second Choice ] [ S2 Synopsis ] [ Valerie De La Cruz → ]

( Follow along with the music on Spotify here! )

A black screen, only for a moment, as NIGEL CHEY cues us in…

Nigel: Once upon a time --

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Prologue: Into the Woods” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by AAA Juniors

The orchestration of the seminal Broadway class launches us into the musical-centric episode for the season. The camera eases its way down the hall, students running by in costume or techies giving tasks to one another as they go. A set piece, half in progress, is pushed by JEFF MONROE back into the auditorium through the dressing room doors.

On the wall outside the black box theater, a poster for the musical is up: Into the Woods (in case the first song hadn’t tipped us off). On the bulletin board outside, the cast list is still posted, where all of our main players have initialed next to their given roles.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

On the stage, set still in progress but nearly complete behind them, our main players are doing a run through of the opening number in real time. This is where our first true taste of the casting comes into focus, RILEY MATTHEWS as Cinderella stage right, CHARLIE GARDNER as Jack with his prop cow at center stage, and FARKLE MINKUS taking on the role of The Baker with YINDRA AMINO as The Baker’s Wife stage left.

Other roles are introduced as they step into the number, such as ISADORA DE LA CRUZ as Little Red Riding Hood, and MAYA HART as The Witch. However, the opening prologue is a lengthy piece, and there’s much more going on that shares focus as we settle into Sondheim’s musical world.

For example, LUCAS FRIAR is in the midst of conversing with DAVE WILLIAMS over the construction of their most complex set piece. It’s nearly complete, and Dave has been slaving away over it for weeks. It’s clear that he considers it his baby at this point. He speaks about it with overt enthusiasm, slapping DYLAN ORLANDO’s hand away as he tries to touch it.

Unfortunately, Lucas isn’t in the mood for enthusiasm. It’s clear Dave is getting on his nerves with his perfectionism, warning him that they’re running out of time to finish the damn thing, so he’s going to have to either hustle or settle for less than perfect.

Dave: You can’t rush art.

Lucas, flatly: It’s a fake hill with fake trees.

Dave: Shh! It’ll hear you!

NATE MARTINEZ exchanges a look with Lucas, assuring him that they’ll get it done. Dave continues to assure the set piece that Lucas didn’t mean it. He’s just stressed, once again in a role he doesn’t want to have. And ain’t that the truth…

Meanwhile, SHAWN HUNTER and HARPER BURGESS are at odds yet again. They’re quietly arguing in the front and center section as the rehearsal progresses, Shawn pointing out that giving Isadora such a large role has seriously depleted her ability to help the techie brigade.

Harper: Perhaps you shouldn’t put such an exclusionary attitude on the techies, and teach some of the performers who didn’t get roles to work.

Shawn: That would take more time than our current crew doing it alone.

Harper: Well, then maybe you should’ve been doing that the whole time. Hindsight truly is 20/20, isn’t it?

Harper is done with the conversation, turning her focus back to the rehearsal. Shawn rolls his eyes, running a hand through his hair before marching off in the other direction.

In the wings, ZAY BABINEAUX is conversing with NICK YOGI and SARAH CARLSON. The boys are dressed in their costumes for their roles as the Princes, looking pretty sharp. Although he seems unbothered, Sarah makes an offhand comment about how Zay was duped for a leading role again by Farkle. That’s a shoddy track record, especially with Farkle being kind of universally disliked at this point.

Sarah: Guess talent really is the ultimate factor, isn’t it?

Zay: Please, time on stage does not equate best performance. The Prince is a far more interesting and fun role anyway.

A true statement, perhaps, but there’s an equal amount of truth to Sarah’s earlier statement as well. Despite how well he brushes it off, there has to be a frustration to constantly taking a backseat to the villain of Adams’ history.

Focus shifts back to the actual number when Maya is laying down the required items for the Baker family to get their wish. As the rest of the rehearsal unfolds and each core character begins their journey into the woods, the performances clearly show off why the show was casted the way it was. As usual, the choices seem to be spot on.

That being said, Farkle’s perfect casting doesn’t stretch into his overall state. He doesn’t seem… on top of things, for what it’s worth. He’s lacking his usual pop of energy, and there are small moments as the last minute unfolds where he’s actually starting to look a little unsteady.

This comes to a head when they reach the final chorus, Farkle front and center as they sing the final harmony. He gets through the note and then promptly collapses, sending the screen into black as everyone reacts in concern and shock around him.

Cue title sequence.

INT. AAA - TEACHER’S LOUNGE - DAY

A blurry visual fades us in from the titles, fading in and out of black until the vision stabilizes: the ceiling with speckled tiles, lighting dim in the lounge to make for a less intense setting.

Farkle blinks, confused as he comes back to consciousness. He lets his gaze drift, allowing more things to come into perspective. This includes the three people looking at him -- Charlie, kneeling next to him with a cold compress, having been the first one to jump to his aid; Riley, watching in concern but not quite ready to be right at his bedside; and lastly Lucas, glaring at him from over his shoulder and reminding him how to feel fear.

Charlie: Farkle? Can you hear me?

Farkle: What the hell is going on?

Zay darts in with another cold compress, exchanging the old one with Charlie. He tries to put it on Farkle’s forehead, but he pushes his help away and struggles into a sitting position instead.

Riley: You fainted.

Zay: Scared the hell out of everyone.

Charlie: People just weren’t expecting it. Are you okay?

Farkle: … oh, so now you all suddenly care? Just because I took a little tumble?

Lucas: Don’t flatter yourself.

Harper enters, tailed by ERIC MATTHEWS and the school nurse. Eric instructs all of the other students to go back to rehearsal and give Farkle a little bit of space. They obey, Zay patting Charlie’s shoulder as he glances back over his shoulder in concern.

While Eric is able to settle right down with the nurse and address Farkle, Harper keeps her distance. The two of them have had a strange relationship from the first week, so she’s even more uncertain how to handle this situation. She awkwardly wishes Farkle well and says he can come back to rehearsal as soon as he’s more steady.

As she leaves, Eric begins questioning Farkle on the status of his health. Has he been feeling sick? Is he drinking enough water during rehearsals? Farkle is able to answer things pretty pointedly, until Eric starts gearing the conversation towards more mental areas. Is he getting enough sleep? How are his eating habits? He dodges by answering vaguely, but it’s unclear whether he genuinely doesn’t really know or if he’s just wary of discussing his current emotional state.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Isadora makes her way across the stage towards where the techies are working on the major set piece, getting sidetracked by Maya. She eagerly wonders whether or not Valerie has responded to Isadora’s invitation to come see the show. Isadora claims her starlet mother is in fact planning to be in attendance, and the two of them share a moment of excitement.

Maya lets her go, leaving her to approach her former usual crew. Lucas, Nate, and Dylan are arguing about a feature of the set piece that still isn’t complete. It was supposed to be Farkle’s job as part of his punishment, but considering he’s in rehearsals ninety percent of the time and is now sick, they’re going to have to pick up the slack.

Isadora swoops in just at this moment, asking how things are going. Dylan relays the situation in quick terms, and while Isadora attempts to begin brainstorming like old times, it’s evident that the boys aren’t really all that interested in what she has to offer. In fact, there might be some resentment already in place considering how her focus is split in rehearsals as well.

Nate: Well, you know, maybe you could actually help if you weren’t so double-booked.

The moment passes before she can form a retort, Dylan offering to take up the extra work. They settle it and break without further discussion. Lucas heads off in another direction without waiting up, so Isadora has to jog to keep up with him as he begins the long journey through the auditorium towards the booth. He claims they’re both busy and maybe don’t have all that much time, but Isadora seems determined to have a conversation.

Isadora: I just wanted to let you know that my mom is planning on coming to opening night. I know how you feel about her, so I thought you might like the warning. You know, so you can take your civility shots or whatever you need to do.

Lucas is clearly displeased by this information, but he covers it with nonchalance. He doesn’t buy that she’ll actually show, but Isadora is welcome to get her hopes up if that’s what she feels like spending her energy on.

It’s frustrating, how conversations seem to have this edge between them these days. Isadora charges onward regardless, shifting gears and pointing out how brusque Nate was to her. With Lucas also sort of giving her the brush-off, she attempts to get a read on if they’re really pissed.

Lucas: Look… I don’t know. I guess we just didn’t realize that you doing the musical was going to be like… a recurring thing. I figured after The Miserables --

Isadora, without thinking: Les Mis.

Lucas: … did you just correct me?

Whoopsie. Rookie mistake. Isadora tries to recover, quickly changing the subject and pointing out that they handled the production of things totally fine without her last year. She has no doubt that they’ll be able to pull it off again.

Isadora: Besides, you guys really did a great job with Les Mis --

Lucas: THE MISERABLES.

Clearly, this conversation is not going to produce positive returns. If Isadora was searching for reassurance that her footing with the techies was all well and good, she’s not going to find it here and now.

INT. AAA - BOYS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Meanwhile, rehearsal must go on, so they’re gearing up to move forward on numbers that don’t require Farkle to run through. Harper finishes telling the boys this before giving them a five minute warning. Zay and Yogi finish getting into costume, their duet as the princes the next one up that fits that criteria.

Zay: Well, if our supposed leading man is going to sleep on the job, Yogles and I will be happy to pick up the slack. Not that we really need the practice --

Nigel rolls his eyes, exchanging a look with Charlie. Charlie can’t help but smile, eyeing Zay as he’s getting ready to march back out onto the stage.

Zay: But, well, the show must go on.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Agony” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Zay Babineaux & Nick Yogi

Perhaps the most straightforward performance we’ll get all episode, Zay and Yogi take their rehearsal time seriously and deliver an entertaining rendition of the princely duet. However, the duet in it of itself is theatrical and over the top, so maybe “seriously” isn’t the right word.

In any case, it’s clear that Zay wasn’t kidding when he claimed they hardly needed much more rehearsal. He completely owns the stage, demonstrating how much that summer confidence has done for him. Harper is thoroughly enjoying the performance, as well as their classmates as they watch from the wings. Riley and Maya laugh along; Charlie is totally enthralled.

When they wrap, Harper gives them a quick congratulations for actually being on top of their roles. Zay gives a cheeky little bow, exiting the stage with a flourish.

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - DAY

Riley is on the hunt for Zay, aiming to tell him he did a great job and potentially thwart any diva meltdown that might be brewing before it can take hold. He’s nowhere to be found, but she accidentally runs into Maya and Isadora instead.

Maya is in the midst of talking Isadora down from stress over the rehearsal process, the latter just finishing up lamenting how she can’t help the techies and that might be becoming a real problem, but she’s stressed that she can’t keep up with the performers either.

They both grow quieter when they realize they’re not alone, Riley giving them a tight smile. She apologizes for interrupting them, but Maya claims it’s fine as she actually has to go get ready for her own number. She backs off, giving the two of them the potential to talk.

There’s still an uncertainty between them, but it’s clear that Isadora isn’t unhappy to see her. Riley timidly ventures some advice based on what she overheard, explaining that she knows all too well how it feels to be the one who can’t keep up. She has no doubt that Isadora will catch up in no time, though, and she shouldn’t forget that she’s in this role for a reason.

Considering the walls Isadora has been hitting with Lucas and the techies, hearing such blatant encouragement is a welcome change. She nods, giving Riley a quiet thanks.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

The doors to the hallway on the opposite end of the stage kick open, Dylan and ASHER GARCIA arriving and declaring that they’ve successfully picked up the new supplies from Home Depot. It’ll take a lot of help to move it all, so all the techies head out to assist.

Harper is pacing the stage, determining who still needs to hang around for evening rehearsal. Farkle returns from the teacher’s lounge, looking less pale but still tired. Still he jogs up to Harper anyway, reporting for duty and asking if he should start working on one of his numbers again. Maybe “It Takes Two,” if Yindra is around?

Uncertain how to address him, Harper sort of blows him off. She claims they can probably hold off on his other performances until tomorrow, and perhaps he could use the additional rest. The last thing they need is another collapse. He grows frustrated at the dismissal, asking if he should then keep working on the set piece, or go back to the script library. There has to be something he can do -- but Harper has made her decision.

Harper: Farkle, you’re done for the day. Go home and rest. We don’t need you here anymore.

The sentiment obviously hits Farkle, although he swallows it rather than lashing back. He backs off as Harper switches back into directorial mode, calling for the cast and crew to meet center stage for a pre-dinner meeting. As she’s taking account of major players, one absence becomes immediately glaring…

Harper: Where the hell is Babineaux?

INT. AAA - COSTUME LOFT - NIGHT

Babineaux, as it were, is in the costume loft. And there’s really only one reason that anyone besides Jade ever goes in the costume loft.

If there’s one thing to know about Charlie Gardner and Zay Babineaux, it’s that perhaps one of the most attractive traits between them -- and what brought them together in the first place, all things considered -- is one another’s talent (i.e. the boys certainly understand Artists Are Attractive). So following such a phenomenal performance of “Agony,” it’s unsurprising that Charlie felt the need to… express some things.

Their banter is playful like usual, the mythos of the costume loft giving them a faux sense of privacy as they kiss. Zay points out that Cinderella’s prince and the lad Jack hooking up would certainly make for an interesting twist, easily emphasized by the fact that they’re both currently in costume. Charlie takes his face, looking him over before shaking his head.

Charlie: Don’t get me started on the costume.

For what it’s worth, it is a good, appealing costume for a good, appealing prince. Jade did an excellent job. Such words aren’t necessary, however, as how eagerly Charlie kisses him conveys the message effectively enough.

Just as they’re getting into it, the doors opening to the loft from down below startle them out of it. Charlie lets out a panicked “shit” before Zay urges him to hide, both of them fumbling for a cover until Zay literally knocks Charlie over, behind a rack of costumes and out of sight.

Just in time, as Maya pops her head up on the ladder to the loft and asks him what the hell he’s doing up there alone. They’re grouping for rehearsal and he needs to get his ass in attendance. Zay nods in agreement and promises he’ll be down in a flash, waiting until she rolls her eyes and disappears again to let out a sigh.

Charlie digs himself out from the rubble and into a sitting position, flushed and obviously dazed. Zay drops down to start helping him, trying to take his hands and help him back up.

Zay: Holy shit, are you okay --

Charlie: I’m -- just go! Go, go, before she comes back.

Zay nods, dipping down to give him a quick kiss before darting down the ladder. Charlie sighs, falling back into the costumes.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

The performers assemble on the stage in a circle, the techies continuing to move set materials while Harper discusses the rest of their rehearsal plan for the evening. Charlie jogs up and joins the group last, jumping in next to Yindra. When she asks him where the hell he was, he makes a face and shrugs like it’s no big deal. Nothing for her to worry about.

Given that tomorrow is their first full-day weekend rehearsal, and they’re only five days away from opening, the pressure is on to start cracking down. Harper releases the performers for a quick dinner break, and informs the techies that once they’re done moving things they can break for dinner as well. Everyone is dismissed.

All of them begin moving at once, the technicians heading back out the side door to keep working while the performers flutter off. Lucas hesitates when he realizes Isadora isn’t following them, calling after her.

Lucas: … Dora. [ when she faces him ] Are you not going to help?

Isadora: Oh. Well… I kind of want to eat with my castmates. That’s like… part of the bonding thing. You know?

Lucas: … oh, yeah. Sure. That’s fine, whatever. Break a leg, then. [ under his breath ] Maybe both legs.

It’s so hard to tell when Lucas’s sarcasm is dipping into genuine disdain. Isadora takes the spoken acceptance for what it’s worth, nodding and heading in the other direction.

Yindra and Nigel tease Zay about showing up so late to their meeting, pointedly wondering where the hell he was. Maya throws out that he was in the costume loft, to which both of them are like ooh, the costume loft? What could you possibly have been doing there, Isaiah? But the friendly jeers take on a slightly sensitive slant when Sarah throws in her two cents.

Sarah: No wonder Farkle keeps getting roles over you, now that he’s able to help with tech and perform while having a diva meltdown. You can’t even show up on time. But no, you’re clearly above it all.

Zay looks like he has choice things he’d like to say, but Riley distracts him and yanks him back towards the doors for dinner. She states that eating will make him feel better, but Zay pulls away and claims he just wants a few minutes alone to destress. He’ll catch up with her later.

Dave, on the other hand, is in no hurry to head to dinner. He’s still obsessing over his magnum opus of a set piece, growing nitpicky and getting a little too attached to it. Asher and Dylan are pulling him away, claiming that he needs food and like… healthy separation.

Lucas finishes bringing the last of the wood in and encourages his lieutenants to get Dave a good distance from this thing that’s eating him alive, to which they’re like aye, aye, captain. He starts to follow them out, then pauses, glancing over his shoulder at the set piece. Large, impressive, the most important piece of their set design. Then he leaves, casting the auditorium into quiet.

Farkle is the last one present, sauntering out into the auditorium with his things to discover he’s been left behind yet again. He supposes that makes sense, given that he was already blatantly dismissed, but it always feels more pointed when he’s standing all alone. He meanders to center stage, spinning and taking a look at the set. He stares up at it, contemplation coloring his tired expression…

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Harper shares dinner with Eric, taking the chair across from his desk as she vents about the rehearsal process. She feels as though she’s doing her best, but this whole experience is still super overwhelming. Everyone looks to her for answers, and sometimes she doesn’t have them. Not to mention the attitude she gets from Farkle and how that’s morphed into a complicated dynamic she has no idea how to move forward from, and the techies clearly don’t respect her. That’s particularly frustrating, considering she was a techie when she first attended AAA all those years ago.

Eric talks her down, assuring her that she’s doing an excellent job. Especially given that they’ve only had… what, one student ailment and zero tantrums so far? That might be the least trauma they’ve ever encountered during a typical AAA production. What else could possibly go wrong?

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Great question, Eric. As is storytelling tradition, the moment someone asks that rhetorical query, it must be answered.

Dave is heading back into the auditorium before everyone else, in good spirits and eager to get back to work. He’s humming to himself and dancing a little bit as he goes, coming back to the set building area and rubbing his hands to get back to work.

Only the moment he looks up, it’s as though we’ve entered a horror movie. The camera goes close on his face as he stares up above him, eyes wide before he screams bloody murder. Nothing but pure, abject terror -- Dave is quite the scream queen -- but why?

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT - LATER

The central set piece has been majorly damaged. It’s a hollow shell of the beauty it used to be, pieces broken off and torn and holes through the paper mache. Totally vandalized.

It’s Dave’s worst nightmare. As we ease away from the damage, the full class assembled comes into focus. Isadora is staring up at the destroyed set piece, stunned, while the rest of the class discusses the damage in hushed murmurs.

Lucas jogs in on the heels of Nate, asking what the hell is going on. His jaw drops when he sees the set piece, as well as Dave huddled on the floor in front of it in a total state. Asher and Jade are kneeling on either side of him, attempting to comfort him. Lucas seems genuinely upset by Dave’s reaction, but Dylan pulls him out of it by asking him what the hell they’re going to do.

Riley adds that this is bad news for all of them, considering they only have five days of rehearsal left and that set piece took all production long to make. They simply don’t have time to put it back together at the same rate, at least not the way they’ve been approaching it so far. It’s going to take all of them dedicating time and effort to it while working overtime, including the performers.

Not to mention, as Charlie points out, who is to say that there won’t be more trouble? Only one of them could’ve done this as they’re the only ones in the school this late on Friday. Whoever openly sabotaged the show, they’re guaranteed to be in their midst.

Naturally, such a dark realization instigates a frenzied slew of accusations. After tossing some words around the popular narrative seems to narrow down to three potential suspects.

Haley: It was obviously Farkle. After everything that happened last year, what does he have to lose?

Yindra: Um, news flash, American Girl? Farkle’s not even here.

Nate: Yeah, but he was. He left after the rest of us, and no one saw him leave. Clear motive, clear opportunity.

Sarah: Yeah, except he literally wiped out like an hour before. I don’t believe he could do all that damage with his twig arms, let alone when he’s already running on dead battery.

Yindra and Nigel turn the tables on her, asking if she’s so sure, who the hell does she think did it?

Sarah: Seriously? Is this even a question? [ gesturing to Lucas ] Who is our local delinquent?

Asher/Dylan, in unison: Hey, no way --

Riley: I don’t think --

Lucas: Real ballsy of you to say so to my face, Sarah. Just because you enjoy constantly cutting down the work of your classmates doesn’t mean I get the same sadistic thrill.

Jeff: Yeah, why would a techie destroy another techie’s work?

Good point, but a lot of people seem to think Lucas isn’t a bad argument. He is always angry, after all, and he’s vandalized things before. He scoffs.

Lucas: This is so bullshit. This is profiling.

Zay: That’s not what profiling means, white bread.

Darby: Well I don’t know if I would be so smug, Zay.

Zay: The hell are you on about?

Darby: You’ve been acting kind of weird, too. And you weren’t at dinner until later.

Riley: Yeah, but not long enough to do that.

Zay: Are you seriously claiming I did this?

Sarah picks up the slack on this thread, pointing out that Zay was also pointedly late to their group meet up before dinner. He could’ve been getting everything ready then, and then he could easily pull it off quicker. Zay grows defensive, stating that he has better things to do than fuck with their production.

Nate: Yeah, because you’re always above everything, aren’t you?

Riley steps forward and rubs Zay’s arm comfortingly, obviously not believing it could’ve been him. Charlie also looks like he wants to say something, but as things grow more heated he keeps his mouth shut.

The in-fighting only ceases when Harper returns with Eric, both of them shocked at the state of the set piece. When she frantically questions what the hell happened, a bunch of people start speaking at once and it’s impossible to figure out what anyone is saying. It’s a lot to absorb all at once, so Harper snaps and tells all of them they’re dismissed for the evening. Clearly everyone needs to cool down, and they’ll figure this out during their 12-hour rehearsal day tomorrow.

It’s the first time Harper has raised her voice in front of the class, so everyone takes the demand seriously. They disperse, Eric going to assess the damage as Asher and Jade manage to pull Dave up from being a puddle on the floor.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

JACK HUNTER is in the midst of a dinner date with ANNE MARIE WINTHROP, beginning the transitioning from the meal to the… extracurricular portion of the evening. The mood is disturbed when his phone rings, Jack pulling back from her to check his phone.

He states that it’s work, which Anne Marie points out can wait considering it’s the weekend. He’s working on the work-life balance, remember? She regains his attention, gently pulling him back into a kiss… when his phone rings again. She relinquishes him with a sigh, Jack offhandedly explaining that with the musical going on right now, it probably has something to do with that. He’ll be quick, he promises.

Anne Marie watches as he dashes off with the phone, propping her feet up on the couch.

INT. MINKUS HOME - NIGHT

Farkle is in fact home for the evening, half-heartedly eating something for late dinner alone at the dining table. He jumps when his phone rings, surprised to see Riley calling. He answers immediately, not even sure what to say in greeting.

She says she’s simply checking in to see how he’s feeling, and also inform him about the set piece debacle and how that might impact rehearsals tomorrow. To his credit, Farkle seems stunned by the news.

Farkle: What? That’s terrible. It was fine when I left… are they going to fix it? I mean, we only have a few days before opening --

Riley explains that they’re going to get more information tomorrow. Farkle appears genuinely frazzled, but on the one hand, he is an actor. Or it could just be nerves…

He attempts to try and keep the conversation going with Riley, who he hasn’t really spoken to since the end of last year. But she finds an exit route and tells him she has to go, stating she’ll see him tomorrow before hanging up. Not giving him much of an opportunity to reconnect.

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

KATY HART is likewise on the phone, deep in a debate with their landlord. She’s talking numbers and clearly trying to negotiate something important, but she abruptly ends the call when Maya stumbles in from rehearsal. Based on her expression it’s obvious something’s up, but Maya does not seem in the mood for talking.

Katy: What’s going on? How was rehearsal?

Maya: Exhausting. Everything is bonkers as usual. Whatever. I’m going to bed.

Katy doesn’t argue the point further. Maya drops her duffle by the door and gives her mother a quick kiss on the cheek, stomping off to sleep.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

The grueling 12-hour rehearsal kicks off with a tense start, the destroyed set piece looming over the cast and crew as they saunter in early in the morning. People continue to throw around their suspicions, particularly at Farkle now that he’s returned for the day.

Farkle: I’m amazed at the sexism on this stage right now. You all have decided on your three prime suspects, and yet, why are we only assuming a guy could’ve done this?

Yindra: It’s not our problem all y’all boys in this class are emotionally unstable.

Clarissa: Besides, that part of the set piece is too high up for most of us to reach.

Maya: Izzy and I are innocent for sure. We’re tiny.

Yogi: Step ladders exist.

Maya: Which is obviously what you used, you’re the shortest of all of us --

Harper ceases the arguing with her arrival, essentially banning discussion about the culprit. She wants all of their focus directed towards rehearsal and repairing the set, not trying to pin blame on one another.

Yogi: [ singing under his breath ] No what really matters is the blame, somebody to blame…

The investigation, Harper wants them to leave to the professionals. Which in this case, are Jack and Eric. They saunter their way in as she’s explaining the new rules, discussing heatedly as they make their way up to the stage. It’s clear Jack isn’t exactly pleased to be there, although he grows more somber when he gets a good look at the set piece for the first time.

The class, on the other hand, isn’t impressed.

Nigel: Them? They’re supposed to be our grand detectives?

Jack: Believe me, Mister Chey, there are dozens of ways I’d rather be spending my Saturday.

Harper: Principal Hunter and Mister Matthews have narrowed down problematic students before, and I am sure they’ll be able to do it again.

Jade: Yeah, because they did such a good job with the Confessions page.

The rest of the class agrees, lightly clowning the administrative duo. Like, sure. Let them try their best. No one seems particularly threatened by their involvement, and when Harper dismisses them to get into costume and make-up the three of them regroup.

Jack: How did I somehow end up dragged into yet another episode of Adams Unsolved? As opposed to, you know… running the school like a normal principal?

Eric points out never has his role been “normal.” But whatever, they’ll be able to figure it out. Which launches us into yet another classic Jack & Eric interrogation sequence…

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack paces the office while Eric sits at his desk, both them tossing questions to each student that sits opposite them in the hot seat. The discussion tends to drift to what the class has deemed the most likely suspects, although no theory is exactly concrete.

Clarissa takes the seat first, offering her two cents. From there, it’s a game of popcorn. As each student takes the seat, it’s picking up from the last, but of course none are in conversation with one another.

Clarissa: I’m not going to act like I know anything for certain, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucas did it.

Eric: Why’s that?

Sarah: Uh, maybe because… he’s a criminal? You two should know, isn’t there like a mega folder dedicated to chronicling his misdeeds?

Jeff: There’s no way Lucas would do another techie like that. Dave worked so hard on that set piece. He’s sort of a dick, but he wouldn’t go that far.

Yindra: Oh, sure he would. Lucas hasn’t cared about anybody but himself since like, last April. If that. He’s a pissed off white boy, they’ll do anything.

Clarissa: Not to mention he’s already sort of sabotaged the show. He was a good stage manager last year, but it’s been a mess this year. He’s all over the place and angry all the time, and that’s when he elects to show up at all.

Still, there are alternative points to his seemingly obvious guilt. Asher and Dylan are the only two students to be interviewed together, seated next to one another.

Asher: We were finishing unloading set pieces when the prep would’ve occurred, and all at dinner together when the vandalism happened.

Dylan: Yeah, and we all saw each other. Therefore, it could not have been Asher. Or me. Or Lucas.

Jack: And you’re sure you had eyes on all of your fellow technicians? At all times?

Dylan: Sure. There was me and Ash --

Asher: And Jade.

Dylan: And Jeff.

Asher: Nate, Dave --

Dylan: And Lucas. That’s everyone.

Then, of course, Lucas has his own take.

Lucas: All this proves to me is that no one in the junior class has a collective brain cell. I was helping the techies with the supplies haul -- because we’re the only ones who ever do any real work. [ nodding to Eric taking notes ] That’s called an alibi, did you jot that down?

Jack: Okay, okay. Cool it, Lucas.

Lucas: The supply move took about a half an hour, and then we were all at dinner together. Did I watch my friends like a hawk, no, but maybe that’s because I trust them.

Throwback to Eric with Dylan and Asher.

Eric: And you’re sure you saw him. The whole time.

Asher: Beyond a reasonable doubt.

Dylan: We’re sure.

With that confirmation, the mystery grows more befuddling. And Lucas is still defensive, but it’s not clear whether that makes him seem more or less guilty.

Lucas: Besides, why the hell would I destroy the work of a fellow technician? Let alone my friends? I’m one of the only people who gives a shit about what we do. Oh, and then there’s the little detail of uh, I didn’t do it!

Convincing delivery. But Lucas has lied before, so it’s not a guaranteed innocence. There are other potential culprits to consider, however.

Yindra: Lucas’s lame attitude aside, I don’t think he did it. I don’t think he cares enough. Farkle, on the other hand --

Charlie: Farkle has been acting kind of weird lately. Not that I think he did it, but I don’t know, he’s seemed on edge since he came back for school. Which makes sense, you know, given how last year ended...

Darby: If he’s been waiting for a chance to get back at all of us or further his reign of terror, this would certainly be a good move.

Solid points. But then, it still doesn’t seem all that simple.

Farkle: This is ridiculous. I was at home because I was sent home, you can call my parents and confirm. Or ask Miss Burgess.

Eric: People said that the vandalism could’ve occurred before you were picked up. There is a window enough for something like that.

Farkle: Mister Matthews, you saw me yesterday. Did I look itching for a scrap? No. I was tired, so I went home as directed and got some sleep. That’s it.

Logically, there are other holes in his potential guilt as well. He’s not the only one who believes in his innocence.

Jade: I mean, I don’t like Farkle, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Why would he sabotage a show where he has the lead?

Nigel: He hasn’t been nearly as rabid this year as he was last year. I get why everyone is automatically pointing fingers at him, but I don’t know, I don’t think vicious destruction is his vibe. Now, if we all suddenly came down with hay fever and lost our voices before opening night, then I might consider he did some kind of witchcraft…

Nate: Minkus is a stone cold bitch, but he cares way too much about his time in the spotlight to throw it away over something so stupid.

Charlie: Also, I saw him when he collapsed. He didn’t look good. I don’t think he would be running off to cause trouble after a fall like that.

Sarah: Oh, come on, is that supposed to be a valid excuse? He’s an actor. He could’ve faked the whole thing for attention. I don’t buy that as an automatic pass.

Then, there’s the third oddball suspect to have been afforded potential blame. He comes back into the conversation after Dave’s choked up explanation, slouched deep in Eric’s chair.

Dave: I swear, I left and everything was fine. It was perfect. Asher and Dylan dragged me out to dinner, but I ate really fast so I could come back and do the final finishing touches. And when I got back, it was a mess. It was --

[ Dave can’t speak further. A bit theatrical, yes, but who are Jack and Eric to judge what’s important to a student. Eric slides his tissue box across the table. ]

Dave: Whoever did it, they were prepared. They knew what they were doing. [ blowing his nose ] So either they already have some experience messing things up, or they took the time to be ready.

This throws back to what was observed quite aptly yesterday, which is that Zay has been having some mysterious absences of his own.

Maya: I mean, yeah, I had to go grab him from the costume loft. Which was kind of weird, since people don’t really hang out in there alone, but I seriously doubt Zay did anything. I mean, come on, he’s Zay.

Zay: I’m Zay, okay? I’m not into petty stuff like this. I have no motive and you all know it. I’ve never been a monster diva. I’m just a talented bitch.

Sarah: His motive is exactly that. He’s never been on the same level as Maya and Farkle, and even though he was the summer camp darling, he’s still playing second fiddle to Minkus. That would drive anybody to action, especially since Farkle sucks.

Riley: There’s no way Zay would do something like this. He is the nicest person at AAA, he would never do something so needlessly cruel.

Eric: But you said so yourself that he didn’t go with you for dinner. That he wanted to take some time alone.

Riley: Yes, but… that’s not the point. When he said that, I doubt he meant he wanted to go vandalize the set.

Isadora: I highly doubt it was Zay. He’s just the third party suspect people throw in there so it’s more exciting. He has no motive, and definitely doesn’t fit the profile for potential insanity the way the other two do. The only thing he’s missing is --

Eric: An alibi. If you can give me concrete facts on where you were, then we can clear this and call your whole involvement moot.

Zay: I told you, I went to the dressing room to take a breather and was out to dinner within like, five minutes. That’s not enough time to cause carnage that great.

Jack: If you were prepared, it might be. People said you were difficult to find before you all were dismissed for dinner.

Zay, exasperated: This is inane! I was in the costume loft, Maya saw me.

Jack: But she didn’t see what you were doing. And the costume loft is the perfect place to hide some items if you’re planning to do damage, based on proximity alone.

Eric: Is there anything else you can give us to work with? Anything to prove that you were there when you said you were. Did anybody else see you? Anybody that can vouch for what you were doing?

Zay holds his tongue, obviously thinking. There sure is one option, but whether he’ll talk…

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Case in point, Jack and Eric are exhausted when they wrap up their initial round of conversations. Their takeaway is essentially the same as the class -- that there are two clear obvious suspects and then Zay, but without concrete evidence to his innocence it’s hard to give him a pass while they’re still investigating the other two.

At least, Jack states, they can effectively decide on a punishment. Regardless of who did it, the punishment should be the same, and it should be swift. Eric is a bit surprised by Jack’s rigid stance on this, but he doesn’t argue the point. There’s no point in stressing about punishment when they have no one to punish.

From their outsider perspective, this is going to be tough. It would be more effective to be on the front lines...

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - DAY

Which is exactly what Isadora is thinking as she goes to find Riley. She pulls her aside, checking that they’re in agreement that Zay being under investigation is insane. She proposes that the two of them work together to suss out the true culprit themselves -- or at least, clear Zay’s name, since he doesn’t seem too keen to do it for himself. Isadora also feels bad about all of Dave’s hard work being destroyed, and if she can bring the perpetrator to justice it might get her back in good graces with the techies.

Riley is desperate to help, and the possibility of reconnecting with Isadora through the mystery is a no-brainer. She declares she’s in, shaking hands with her to seal the partnership.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “He Did It” as performed by Curtains Original Broadway Cast || Performed by AAA Juniors

[ Lyrics specific to characters -- follow along here! ]

Although Harper specifically instructed the juniors not to speculate any further, they are hardly going to listen to such a directive. When the cast and crew break for lunch, a series of hushed discussions further deepen the suspicions against our prime suspects. Meanwhile, Dave snoozes in front of the set piece, so protective over it now that he can hardly leave it.

While their classmates share theories, Riley and Isadora eavesdrop and take notes for themselves. They exchange eyebrow raises and inquisitive looks as they creep around the set pieces, aiming not to be noticed by their gossiping peers. Following along with the slightly altered lyrics in this case is a must for the full effect.

As the round begins and the accusations build up, the number comes to an end with Lucas, Farkle, and Zay being backed into one another center stage, their classmates mocking their obvious guilt. But which one actually did it -- if any of them at all?

INT. AAA - JANITOR’S CLOSET - DAY

That’s for Riley and Isadora to attempt to deduce. They’ve taken inspiration from the likes of Buzzfeed Unsolved and American Vandal, using HARLEY KEINER’S office as a home base to set up their mystery board and compile evidence. He assures them he’ll help in whatever way he can, just to give him a holler if they need his assistance.

Thusly, the two amateur detectives start putting together a more comprehensive rundown of the timeline of the vandalism. This includes threading together texts, timestamps, in-person sightings, anything they’ve got. They’re mostly focused on clearing Zay, but if they can narrow down the actual culprit at the same time, then even better.

INT. AAA - DANCE STUDIO - DAY

Zay is less concerned about clearing his name, seeing as it seems fruitless anyway. He’s running through choreography with Charlie in their usual studio, the subject only coming up when the latter brings it up.

He comments on how harsh the accusations seem to be getting, wondering if Zay is feeling okay. He doesn’t deserve to be under the gun like this. Zay shrugs it off, claiming that people always talk. Still, it’s unfair, and Charlie clearly feels for him.

Charlie: It still sucks. Especially because you of all people deserve it the least. I wish there was something we could do, I wish I could help.

Zay hesitates, contemplating whether bringing the issue up is even worth it. But Charlie is looking at him, full of sincerity, so he decides it’s worth a shot. He starts to say that there is a way he could help… by saying that he saw him in the costume loft and he wasn’t doing anything nefarious. The only reason people are still on him is because he doesn’t have an “alibi,” so if he says something…

Charlie’s expression shifts in an instant, going from empathetic to wary.

Charlie: Are you kidding? No way.

Zay: Listen, you wouldn’t even have to say what you were doing there. Just that you happened to see me, maybe at a different time than Maya. Or even just that we crossed paths. Eric isn’t going to grill you --

Charlie: No. No, man, I can’t do that.

Zay: Why not? You said you wanted to help. It won’t matter why you were there, you won’t even have to say --

Charlie, sharply: Yeah? What is the only reason people go to the costume loft, Zay?

Zay makes a face, conceding this point. He figured this wasn’t going to go anywhere, but Charlie’s reaction is admittedly stronger than he anticipated. He’s pacing, breathing uneven as he continues to refute the possibility. He’s on the verge of full-blown panic, a wild look in his eyes as he repeats his refusal.

Charlie: I can’t. No. No, Zay. I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t --

Zay: Okay. Okay… okay! Charlie, hey --

Zay takes his arms, getting him to stop moving and look at him. He shifts his hands from his arms to his shoulders to his face, trying to get him to calm down.

Zay: It’s okay, alright? Charlie, look at me. You don’t have to do anything. It’s fine.

Charlie, breathless: Well -- well what are you gonna do?

Zay: I don’t know, I’ll figure something out. But it’s okay. It’s gonna be fine. Okay?

Charlie gulps, catching his breath and nodding. Trying to believe it’s true and come back from the edge. After a moment he pulls Zay into a hug, holding him tightly and tucking his head into his shoulder. Zay returns the embrace.

From the way he holds him, it’s so incredibly clear how important Zay is to Charlie. How much he cares about him, how much comfort he gives him and how safe he feels with him. He can’t fathom losing that just yet… even if the chances of problems are slim, it feels like too much to risk...

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Giants In The Sky” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Charlie Gardner

A bold transition from the soft intensity of his moment with Zay, Charlie’s eyes are wide and shining in the stage lights as he launches into this energized soliloquy.

Jack’s fictional dilemma of straddling the worlds of giant and mundane somehow perfectly encapsulates Charlie’s own current conundrum -- the pull between being a good Catholic boy, the perfect son, the world of “the roof, the house, and your mother at the door,” versus… well, being himself. Unapologetically. Without hesitation.

A world dazzling and elusive enough to be compared to the fantasy world of giants.

Much like his rendition of “Empty Chairs” from last year’s musical, the solo is bursting with emotion. Despite how he’s handling things personally, there’s no doubt that Charlie knows how to deliver a performance -- even when he so often fades into the background.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

The full Matthews clan is assembled for the first family dinner in a spell, TOPANGA LAWRENCE keeping up light conversation. Riley and AUGGIE MATTHEWS engage with her, but CORY MATTHEWS mostly keeps his eyes on his plate. Riley can tell that something is up, much in the same way she sensed the dread of the divorce before the blow actually landed.

Topanga doesn’t make her wait too long for the other shoe to drop. As they’re finishing up, she calmly explains that now that the divorce is nearly finalized, things are going to start changing a bit around here. Most imminently, Topanga is going to be moving out of the apartment and into her own place in Midtown.

Riley is totally floored by this development. The notion of her mother actually leaving makes it feel… real, like she is not going to be present in her life all the time any longer. She worriedly asks if Topanga is still going to be around -- is she coming to Into the Woods? -- but her mother brushes off her worries with easy confidence. She’s simply moving to Midtown, not evaporating.

Even still, the revelation is gobsmacking. Silence settles over the meal, Cory notably mute as Riley eyes him across the table. Topanga changes the subject nonchalantly, as if the impact of the moment has already passed.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Eric and Jack are still at school, working together to organize their testimonies and search for possible clues they might’ve missed. But there’s no clear trajectory, and both of them are well aware there’s a good chance half of the students are lying anyway.

Also, the fact that Jack is distracted doesn’t help. He’s constantly being pulled away from the brainstorm by text messages, his work-life balance equally present at school as at home. Although it’s not a crime to keep his girlfriend updated on their status, Eric isn’t taking to it well. He clears his throat to regain Jack’s attention.

Once they get back to discussing, Jack wonders why they’re still here anyway. Clearly they don’t have an answer, and what should matter is making the consequences of such behavior clear. If they can’t figure out who did it and give them the rightful punishment -- suspension, likely -- then they may as well do some sort of moderate penalization to all three prime suspects and call it a day.

Eric is confused by this perspective, especially coming from Jack. What happened to innocent until proven guilty? And furthermore, this is a far cry from the man who was so torn up over how to handle the removal of a student who was proven guilty only a few months ago.

Jack: Yeah, and how much good did that end up doing, huh? Everything is still in shambles.

Ah. So we’re not handling that as well as we thought. Eric starts to try and get him to talk about it, but Jack shrugs it off. The point is, when the time comes someone will have to face the music. Anne Marie is an attorney, and this is the kind of business she deals with all the time. If there’s no consequences, then no one will ever learn the status quo.

As the girlfriend comes up in conversation again, it’s Eric’s turn to react off the cuff. He points out that Anne Marie doesn’t work at AAA, and this isn't court. It’s high school, and their focus is on the kids and trying to figure out why they’re making the decisions they are rather than coldly punishing them for them. At least, that’s his approach...

Jack is offended at the insinuation, firing back that Eric knows damn well how much he cares about this school and the students. It’s not his fault someone has to be the authoritarian, because if he doesn’t, then chaos reigns as it has for the last six months.

The tension between them is palpable, and suddenly it’s as though they’re back in time. Arguing about the same old things, criticizing one another for things they thought they had moved past or come to appreciate. Jack backs off first, claiming this is going nowhere and they’ll just have to see where things go. They’re not doing anyone any good by snapping at each other.

As Jack departs, Eric settles into his desk chair. He watches where Jack left, shaking his head. Obviously not sure why he got so heated in the first place.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

As the last three days of rehearsal roll around, the mood is decidedly frantic. People have grown less concerned with who amongst them is a vandal and more so with being able to go on for opening night at all. The techies are running on overdrive to repair the set piece, which is no comparison to its former glory.

Amidst the chaos before another run through, Isadora gets a call. It’s from VALERIE DE LA CRUZ, who beats around the bush before regrettably letting her know that something unexpected came up and she won’t be able to make the show anymore. Promotion for a new project, or something, that she wishes she could blow off…

Isadora swallows her shock, playing it cool on the phone. She assures her it’s no big deal, and she nods along as Valerie apologizes and promises they’ll see each other soon. But as soon as she’s through with the conversation her demeanor shifts. Suddenly, all the chaos around her is too loud, too imposing. She has to get out of there.

She retreats and makes a dash for the dressing room hall. Lucas notices from across the stage at the stage manager’s podium, expression shifting from its recently adopted constant state of irritation. He passes off his binder to Asher offhandedly, going after her.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Lucas wanders at a jog through the halls, clueing in to where Isadora is once he hears her light cursing. He finds her a bit away down the hall, slouched against the lockers on the floor and hiding her head in her hands.

Instantly softer, Lucas approaches and settles down at a crouch next to her. She’s startled at first but seems relieved when it’s only him. Without even saying anything, Lucas reads her expression and gets a sense.

Lucas: It’s Valerie. Isn't it?

There’s no point in denying it. Isadora huffs, nodding and twisting a piece of her costume. Lucas drops down to lean back against the lockers with her, scoffing in distaste.

Lucas: I always knew she was full of shit.

Isadora: I know, I know. “I told you so.”

Lucas: No, I don’t mean it like… look, Dora, it’s fucked that she did that. And you have the right to be pissed about it. I get that you’re trying to, like, open a dialogue with her or whatever, but you don’t have to let her push you around. And you shouldn’t feel bad for being upset that she dropped you again.

Fair points. Tough to hear right now, but it is nice to have someone unquestionably in her corner. She nods, giving him a weak smile and taking a deep breath.

Lucas: … you know, it’s her loss. Her fucking loss if she’s willing to drop Isadora Samantha Miracle “Smackle” De La Cruz.

Isadora: [ with a small laugh ] Did you really have to use the full name?

Lucas: Yeah.

Isadora: Careful. If you don’t stop, people are going to think you give a shit.

Lucas’s turn to laugh. It’s a dry humor, flat delivery from both, but reflects something effortless between them that’s felt off-key lately. Lucas tilts his head and gives her a lazy smirk, causing her to roll her eyes. But when she looks away, she’s smiling too. Something might be clicking back into place…

Until it’s not. The peace is disrupted moments later as Maya flurries into the hall, heels of her boots clicking and voice almost louder than usual as she rushes over to them.

Maya: Hey, I got your text. What the hell happened?

Lucas tosses a puzzled look to Maya, wondering what she’s doing there. It takes him a second to realize her words indicate that Isadora beckoned her -- before she even thought of him. He immediately grows stiff again as Maya comes to crouch in front of Isadora.

The conversation takes an interesting turn as both of them attempt to occupy the space and comfort her, taking very different approaches. Whereas Lucas defends Isadora’s feelings and digs his heels in further about Valerie being reprehensible, Maya encourages her to take a more logical approach. They both know Valerie is busy, and there’s no way this is personal. It sucks, no doubt about that, but no use in getting so fired up about it.

It’s clear Lucas finds Maya’s level head in this situation ironic given her usual behavior. But more than that he feels extraneous, like he doesn’t even need to be there at all. And if he hears one more earnest defense of Valerie De La Cruz, he might projectile vomit. So he excuses himself, bitterly leaving Maya to take over the comforting.

Maya asks if there’s anything she can do, but Isadora claims she just needs a little bit of time to regroup. Maya gives her that, assuring her she’ll catch her up if anything happens in rehearsal before leaving her on her own.

As Isadora pulls herself up off the floor, she takes a long, deep breath. Then she adjusts her costume on her shoulders, the red cape on her shoulders reminding her that she has a major role. And she earned that on her own.

Jeff appears at the end of the hall, calling for her and stating that they’re getting ready for her solo. Eyes blazing with emotion, Isadora nods and marches back towards the auditorium.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “I Know Things Now” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Isadora De La Cruz

Isadora delivers a great rendition of her musical solo, the whole performance alight with a certain edge only she could bring to the role. She’s channeling all of the frustration over how this situation has panned out, reflecting how she was tricked by The Wolf (Valerie, in this case) rather than listening to the well-intentioned but rigid sense of her granny (Lucas).

Towards the end, we see Isa leave the stage, her performance over, and check her phone. She has a text from Valerie on the lock screen, but Isa locks her phone and puts it aside.

INT. AAA - BOYS DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT

Zay is touching up a piece of his costume when Farkle enters, the two of them making eye contact in the mirror. Neither of them say anything at first as Farkle heads to his station at the counter, but Zay opts to break the silence.

Zay: It’s fine, you can speak. Given that we’re both suspects in this shitshow of a crime mockumentary, I guess I hardly have the right to act like I’m above your complaints.

Farkle shrugs, claiming he doesn’t have any complaints. The moment this happened he was a guaranteed target, which may very well be what the perpetrator wanted anyway. He finds it more odd that Zay doesn’t seem to be doing much to defend himself, if he’s so innocent. Especially given that from what he’s sussed out, if no one comes forward it’s more than likely all three of them are going to be punished.

This is news to Zay. He scowls and slams down his make-up bag on the counter, fed up.

Zay: This is such bullshit. What, my classmates all decide they’re the Supreme Court and put me on trial for no reason, and suddenly that’s as good as guilty? All because someone had to have another meltdown?

Farkle: Well, don’t look at me. I didn’t do it.

Zay glares at him, obviously disbelieving. But Farkle seems serious, his lack of theatricality lending a weird credibility to his statement. The two of them have their stare down, searching for the cracks in each other’s facade…

When commotion from the dressing room hall breaks them out of it. Yogi darts in, out of breath and somewhere between thrilled and panicked.

Yogi: It’s finally happened. It’s jungle madness.

Zay and Farkle exchange bewildered looks, running to follow Yogi out.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Tensions seem to be at a boiling point in more places than just the dressing room, and from unlikely culprits at that. The progression of a scene has been derailed by a section of the new set piece falling apart, causing the nearly decapitated Maya to throw some choice words at the technicians. Jade and Asher have stepped up to take defense against the performers, and voices are already at high volume when Zay and Farkle arrive.

Jade points out that all the performers ever do is criticize, when the whole thing could’ve been fixed far more efficiently if they chipped in like they were supposed to. Asher questions if they all magically forgot everything they learned about tech last year, to which Maya retorts that maybe if the set design wasn’t so damn complicated in the first place, they wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Dylan, loudly: Hey, fuck off, beauty queen.

[ The assembled cast and crew reacts accordingly, surprised and somewhat amused. ]

Asher: Dyl, it’s fine, I can handle myself. [ to Maya ] Fuck off, beauty queen!

It’s clear the negative mojo is spreading like wildfire. Riley attempts to get the arguing to stop as Lucas jogs down from the booth with Jeff, questioning what the hell is going on. The performers continue to rail on how everything has fallen apart because of this damn set piece and now the replacement looks like garbage, and Dave finally snaps.

Dave: Well tell that to whichever one of you bent muppets did this in the first place!

Once again the blame train is running, only this time it crashes. The shouting quickly escalates and suddenly the scuffle turns physical, people launching at one another in a frenzy. Dylan holds back Asher by the waist, keeping him from going full scrappy. Lucas leaps in and attempts to hold Dave back from charging half of the ensemble. Charlie yells for everyone to cut it out, getting yanked out of the way by Zay before Sarah can elbow him on accident.

As Harper and Shawn rush in and start pulling people apart, Riley and Isadora zero in on a couple of interesting features to the brawl. Isadora is focused on Lucas, who has allowed Shawn to handle Dave and is keeping Dylan and Asher from completely throwing down with Maya. Something about the moment seems to stand out to her, just slightly off…

Shawn effectively halts the fight, effectively getting them all to head in different directions. He spits out a criticism, obviously over the tension.

Shawn: Have you all gone feral? Absolutely ridiculous!

Harper angrily declares that they all need to cool off and separate. They need to be back in fifteen, and the next person who causes any trouble is out of the production. Doesn’t matter if they’re stage crew of the star of the show.

Riley has her eyes on the opposite end of the room, where a security camera has caught her attention. It’s not facing the stage where the fight is unfolding, but rather a more promising angle -- a perfect view of the costume loft doors.

INT. AAA - JANITOR’S CLOSET - NIGHT

Isadora and Riley eagerly regroup, the latter launching into a breathless explanation of what she noticed. There’s a camera that’s directly facing the costume loft, which is what Zay’s alibi hinges on. If they can get access to the footage and prove that he never returned to the loft within the time stamps of the crime, then they can clear him.

They ask Harley for help, considering he is the local secret tech guru and likely has access to the servers to look at that section of the tape.

Harley: Technically, it would go against the janitorial code to share security intel with students just based on a simple request…

Isadora: We’re not asking to goof around, Janitor Harley. This is a quest for justice.

Riley: All we need is that one section. Please, it’s for a friend. A really good friend.

It seems like Harley is considering it. He gives them both an eyebrow raise.

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - NIGHT

Shawn comes to find Harper, commenting that whatever just happened was a major clusterfuck. How the hell does she plan to deal with this? Feeling cornered and overwhelmed, Harper finally lashes out at Shawn.

Harper: Oh, how am I going to deal with it? I’m amazed you don’t already have all the answers. I’m shocked you haven’t already written down every possible solution I could offer and have some snarky, neckbeard rebuttal to every single one!

Shawn is stunned by the dig, starting to defend himself. Only Harper isn’t finished -- she’s far from finished. She posits that part of the reason everything is such a mess is on him, and their inability to work together. That’s on him, because since the moment she arrived he has done nothing but belittle and sabotage her and offer not one shred of solidarity.

Harper: I don’t know what midlife crisis you’re working through, Hunter. I’m sorry I’m not your beautiful, powerhouse girlfriend, and that I’m not here to have sexually charged banter with you when our focus should be on the students. But all I’ve done since I got here is try, and I know for a fact the same cannot be said for you. So before you dish out all the responsibility onto me, I think perhaps you should take a quick look in the mirror you clearly hardly bother to look into on a daily basis.

She doesn’t give him the chance to respond, storming past him. Shawn blinks, trying to absorb what the hell just happened. He glances at his reflection in the mirror wall, tentatively touching at his scruffy beard.

Shawn, petulantly: It is not a neckbeard…

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

We’re close on a laptop, playing the security footage from the costume loft camera. The seconds are ticking by fast, the film on fast forward as Riley searches for the right time stamp. She and Isadora are leaning over either of Eric’s shoulders.

Eric: And how exactly did you get access to this again?

Riley: Don’t worry about it.

Isadora: A respectable investigator never outs their sources, Mister Matthews.

Well, hard to argue with that. Riley doesn’t give him the opportunity anyway, letting out an exhale as she claims she’s found the correct moment.

We’re looking at the doors outside the costume loft, the footage a little grainy due to the lighting and in classic conspiratorial black-and-white. As stated in his alibi, the three of them watch Zay duck into the costume loft. Riley jumps forward a bit, showing the moment Maya enters to retrieve him and he follows out a moment later.

For a second, the clip keeps running… potentially long enough to reveal another junior leaving the costume loft during that same sequence. But right before Charlie emerges from the doors, Riley pauses and jumps forward in the timeline.

The evidence as good as proves it as she lands on the time frame of the vandalism -- Zay never returned to the costume loft. If he was prepping something in there, they would’ve seen him retrieve it. Yet, there’s absolutely nothing to see.

Eric seems pleased to agree that the footage is pretty damning. He feels confident marking Zay off as a suspect. Riley and Isadora exchange relieved smiles, high-fiving behind their counselor. Then they rush back to rehearsal, Riley giving Eric a quick side hug before she goes.

Once they leave, Eric watches the clip back again to double check their findings. Everything checks out, so there’s nothing more to see… only this time he doesn’t hit pause so quickly. He jots down some notes instead, lifting his gaze just in time to see Charlie emerging from the costume loft a few minutes after Zay.

Eric frowns, reaching forward and rewinding to make sure he saw that correctly. He might’ve misseen it, or made it up -- it’s almost a blink-and-you-miss-it exit.

But no. That’s definitely Charlie Gardner, accounted for in the costume loft at the same time that Zay was supposedly in there alone.

He may not be a student, but Eric has been a beloved faculty member at AAA long enough to know the reputation the costume loft has. Suddenly, Zay’s reason for being there is crystal clear -- as well as why he couldn’t provide a compelling alibi considering the shock of seeing Charlie was strong enough to cause him to double take.

Eric absorbs this new bombshell, the frivolity of the vandalism now old news.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Harper has reached her breaking point. She’s in tears as she occupies the chair opposite Jack’s, succumbing to the pressures of an admittedly rough transition. For all the effort she’s putting into it, the impact she wants to make, nothing seems to be working out. Everything is just friction, not forward momentum.

Jack allows her vent, listening intently. He apologizes again on behalf of the junior class, and commends her for taking the initiative to connect with this particularly challenging group of students so seriously. They’re lucky to have her, even if they don’t realize it yet.

After she’s calmed down a bit, Harper thanks him. She tells him sincerely that he’s a good administrator, a sentiment that clearly touches him given how out of balance he’s felt about his position as of late.

Jack: Yes, well, I’m sure some of them would disagree with you. I’m not exactly the most popular faculty member here at Triple A.

Harper: From what I can tell, you’re the only reason it’s still running. Your unique combination of compassion and authority is what is keeping it from burning itself to the ground.

Jack laughs, thanking her for the support. Pulling herself together, Harper gears up to go face the beast once again. Before she leaves, however, she requests that when Jack and Eric figure out who vandalized the set, they let her know. She wants the responsibility of bringing them down -- and if possible, she wants them expelled.

Clearly, Harper is not happy with how her first production has been so drastically derailed. Jack nods along, still on his authoritarian kick.

Jack: Believe me, Miss Burgess, justice will be dealt.

She nods appreciatively, stepping out.

INT. AAA - JANITOR’S CLOSET - DAY

Mission mostly accomplished, Riley and Isadora begin taking down their investigation materials. Although they work in content silence, Riley takes the initiative to state how nice it was to work with Isadora again. To be on the same page.

For what it’s worth, Isadora feels the same. They exchange tentative smiles.

Isadora: You know, given how much of a mess things seem to be no matter what we try to do… I don’t see why I should be willingly giving up a friend.

Riley’s smile widens. Finally, something falling back into place. Not the same as it was, but better than nothing.

As she finishes gathering her things, Riley claims it’s a shame they weren’t able to narrow down the actual culprit. Even though they were able to clear Zay’s name. Isadora agrees, giving her a nod as she heads out.

Only as soon as she’s gone, Isadora launches back into action. She doesn’t seem at all finished with the investigation, going through certain pieces of evidence one final time and putting pieces together. Perhaps she knows more than she’s letting on…

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Katy is up late, doing research on her laptop and looking particularly drained. It’s hard to see what she’s looking up, but a couple of photos appear to be buildings of some kind. She changes the window as soon as Maya enters, having just finished her nightly routine and picking up her pre-sleep tea from the countertop.

While she has her attention, Maya enthusiastically reminds Katy to purchase her tickets for Into the Woods when they go on pre-sale tomorrow. Not that they’ll sell out, likely, but Maya wants to make sure she’s front and center for her grand performance as The Witch.

From the expression on her face, whatever Katy says next is not going to be pleasant. She gently informs Maya that she has to work a double shift that night, so she won’t be able to make it. Things are sort of tight right now financially, and she doesn’t know if she can spare the ticket.

Maya nearly drops her tea. She doesn’t understand what the big deal is. Money is always tight, and this is one of her dream roles. Katy knows how much this show means to her. She already told her she’d be there. Can’t there be an exception? Just for opening night?

It’s evident that she wants to make an exception more than anything… but for whatever reason, her hands seem to be more tied than usual. Katy apologizes profusely, but Maya merely swallows the disappointment and says she’s heading to bed. But the darkness of the news looms over them, and perfectly sets the tone for Maya’s launch into her lament…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Lament” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Maya Hart

Maya spins to face the stage lights, in full costume and makeup for the glamorous version of The Witch. The only thing more stunning than her appearance are her vocals, cutting through the heartbreak of the solo like a knife. It’s haunting, setting the perfect backdrop…

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

For Isadora’s meeting with Principal Hunter. She thanks him for meeting her during the lunch hour, expressing that she thinks she has evidence that might help him solve the vandalism case. She explains that she observed some odd behavior during the fight that broke out at rehearsal, and it tipped her off. So she went back to look through the evidence... and things don’t add up.

Jack takes a look at the timeline she hands him, his expression difficult to read. He doesn’t look triumphant or pleased, that’s for sure. Isadora doesn’t either, simply stating that he should go back and look more closely into the student testimonials -- a couple in particular... but maybe not as a couple at all.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

This is how Jack ends up sitting down with Dylan and Asher, only separately this time around rather than as a given duo. As he discusses with each of them, under the casual guise of just double checking his sources, it becomes clear that there are holes in their story. The moment they’re not together to back one another up, their airtight delivery falls apart somewhat.

Asher claims that around the time of what would’ve been prep for the vandalism, Lucas was holding the door so that Nate and Jade could move a stack of wood; Dylan claims that he was with him unloading the Jeep. However, when Jack goes back to read the testimonies of Jade and Nate about their role in the supplies move, Lucas is never mentioned.

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

Isadora concludes her explanation, stating that the reason she got suspicious was because Lucas jumped in to stop the fight during rehearsal rather than join in or egg them on. Not that he revels in destruction, but if she knows anything about him, it’s that he never lets someone else take the fall for his actions. He wasn’t going to let the performers get roughed up for something they didn’t cause -- even one as aggravating as Maya.

She also begs Jack not to say anything about her involvement -- that she remain anonymous. He gives her a nod, looking back at the evidence solemnly.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - NIGHT

We’re following Lucas and his snapback from behind as he makes his way through the halls of AAA, there early to help set up for opening night. He knocks on Jack’s door, claiming that he asked to see him. Jack nods, gesturing him inside and to shut the door behind him.

The conversation starts off with their usual rapport and comfort, Lucas slouching into his chair across the desk from where Jack is standing. He states cheekily that they should probably make this quick, as he’s got lots of stage managing to do and all that. Jack promises not to take too much of his time, beginning a subtle and targeted questioning of how Lucas recalls the day of the vandalism. It seems like they’re simply still beating a dead horse, but he plays along anyway, not even realizing he’s being interrogated until about halfway through.

And by that point, it’s too late. He’s slipped up, said a couple of things that don’t line up with his original alibi or conflict with the other techie testimonies. Then Jack pulls out all the stops, the discussion growing tenser and quicker with each piece of evidence he stacks against him. As he starts laying out the timeline of how things really happened --

INT. AAA - FLASHBACK - NIGHT

We see it unfold in real time. Lucas taking his longer look at the treasured set piece, then ducking out of supplies haul and techie dinner to make moves. Asher and Dylan notice him disappear at dinner, but merely exchange a look and don’t say anything about it.

The flashbacks unravel with Jack’s pointed narration -- and Lucas’s protests -- heightening in intensity right up to the moment flashback Lucas makes the first dent in the set piece and begins the vandalism. Just as the screen is shrouded in black by falling debris --

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Finally, finally, Lucas cracks.

Lucas: Alright, ALRIGHT! I did it, is that what you want to hear? It was me! I fucked up the set piece!

The office is cold with silence. Lucas tries to hold Jack’s gaze until he can’t take it any longer, falling back in the chair again and tearing his eyes away.

Jack doesn’t speak with anger when he addresses him again. It’s a gentle disappointment, and admittedly confused. He asks if the vandalism was worth it, why he thought any of it was a good idea in the first place.

Jack: And I don’t understand… to have Asher and Dylan lie for you?

Lucas: I didn’t ask them to --

Jack: And what about Dave? Did whatever you were trying to deal with feel better when one of your good friends had to see their own hard work destroyed?

Lucas: [ almost inaudible ] You don’t get it.

Jack: You’re right, I don’t! I don’t get it, Lucas! So look at me and tell me why the hell you did this --

Lucas: Because it doesn’t even matter!

Lucas’s outburst is fierce, his anger more volcanic than it’s been all semester. Jack found a way to light the fuse and now he’s explosive, ranting about how everything they’re all obsessing over all the time is so stupid and means absolutely nothing. Why should it matter if a set piece gets ruined, when no one cares about what the techies do anyway? Why should it matter if his friends lie, when no one is even going to remember they were here in five years because no one cares about them anyway? It’s a stupid high school show, at a stupid fucking school, where his only talent is messing everything up because he’s a nobody who was never meant to be here anyway.

Lucas: So yeah, I did it. Do whatever you’re going to do. Suspend me, kick me out for good, drop me off the catwalk! I don’t care. I don’t care, none of it fucking MATTERS!

The declaration hangs in the oppressive quiet. Because despite the words he’s saying, it’s pretty clear Lucas does care -- from the way his cheeks are flushed, the way his voice cracks, how it’s almost like he can’t breathe. And the only reason he’s able to look Jack in the eyes and basically dare him to do his worst is because that’s what he wants.

He’s searching for punishment, because he thinks he deserves it.

Eventually Lucas can’t take it anymore, shaking his head and hiding in his hands. Jack stares at him, obviously deep in thought. He’s been preaching about the swift soundness of consequences all investigation long, and finally, the time has come to deliver it...

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

Riley is gearing up to get ready to go, duffle bag ready on the couch. Before she grabs it, she gets a notification on her phone from Instagram. Yindra has tagged her in a series of photos, featuring throwback pictures from Les Mis and a caption encouraging people to come to opening night of Into the Woods to see the same crew pull off another insane performance.

Seeing the Les Mis photos is a true shock. It feels like a million years ago, and as she flips through them again she can’t help but ruminate on how much has changed for the worse. Maya’s tantrum aside, everyone was in much better spirits at the time. She had a tentative friendship with Charlie. She wasn’t on the rocks with the techies. In fact, there’s a particularly cute moment captured of Riley, Isadora, and Lucas in the background of one of Yindra’s photos, prompting Riley to go into her photos and take a look for herself.

It’s all too much. The pictures with Lucas, the photos taken with both her parents, when now one of them is stepping out of their home for good.

Before she knows it she’s in tears, wiping at them frantically without much success. Cory enters from the hall, asking if she’s ready to head out until he realizes what’s happening. He jogs over to join her on the couch, questioning what’s going on and trying to get her to talk to him.

Riley shakes her head wordlessly, trying to catch her breath and stop the tears. She hates crying enough in front of people, let alone her parents. But she’s hit a wall, and there’s no stopping them. She admits that this year is like freshman year all over again.

Riley: Yeah, I’m no longer the target, but no one is happy. People that should be supporting one another are at war. And now my mom is walking out of my life, and it’s like… everything is falling apart. When does it stop? [ tearfully ] I can’t do this alone.

Cory makes her look at him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He’s deeply serious as he assures her that just because Topanga is moving out of the apartment does not mean she’s disappearing. And that aside, she is not alone. She is going to get through this, and be stronger for it. But she’s not ever going to do it alone.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “No One Is Alone” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Cory Matthews & Jack Hunter (feat. Riley Matthews & Lucas James Friar)

Cory softly leads us into the first verse of the emotional heart of the musical, attempting to comfort his kind-hearted, empathetic daughter (“Mother cannot guide you, now you’re on your own / Only me beside you, still you’re not alone”). For once, Riley opts to accept the comfort, leaning into him and absorbing the sentiment for all that it’s worth.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - NIGHT

As Jack continues to look at Lucas, something in his expression shifts. All plans and procedures go out the window as he takes on the second verse, vaguely insinuating that perhaps there isn’t such a simple solution (“Wrong things, right things / Who can say what’s true?”) It’s evident that he isn’t going to rat him out, and Lucas lifting his head to stare at him in surprise emphasizes how unprecedented it is.

It’s behind them now, but Jack’s continued words of advice serve as a warning to his wayward trouble-making technician (“You move just a finger / Say the slightest word / Something’s bound to linger, be heard / No one acts alone, careful, no one is alone”). He comes around the front of the desk and leans closer, Lucas hanging on his every word. It’s clear that he’ll protect him, but he can’t protect him against everything. He has to be careful...

Together, Jack and Cory go on with the themes about why people make mistakes, both of the moments between mentor and mentee feeling distinctly familial. And as the final chorus unfolds and Riley and Lucas quietly join in, a montage of small moments within other important bonds highlight the exact message that the song is attempting to convey.

Charlie accepts a hug from ELEANOR GARDNER as he heads out the door, wishing him the best of luck. AMBROSE GARDNER gives him a proud nod from his arm chair in the living room.

Haley, Nigel, Clarissa, Yindra, and Zay toast at Chubbie’s, enjoying a quick pre-show meal before showing up for call time.

Eric reunites with ANGELA MOORE as she shows up for opening night, giving him an enthusiastic hug in his office as Shawn watches fondly from the doorway.

The techie crew sans Lucas and Isadora is meeting for their pre-show hangout, laughing together and hyping one another up. They all give Dave a group hug, considering the production cycle he’s had.

INT. AAA - GIRLS DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT

The last of the montage moments belongs to Isadora, who gets a call from Valerie that she opts to answer. Although we don’t hear the conversation, it’s clear from the joy that takes over her features that it’s good news. She excitedly grabs Maya’s attention, sharing the news with her.

Although she’s putting on a happy face for Isadora, it’s clear something about the news stings. Maya chews her lip as Isadora gets back to the call, the believability of her enthusiasm fading.

INT. AAA - BOYS DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT

And as the song comes to an end, we’re back with Farkle -- who is, in fact, quite alone. Behind him, Yogi and Nigel are doing a quick costume change and discussing how opening night is going so far, indicating that we’re already well into Act II. Neither of them acknowledge Farkle as they head out again, although it doesn’t seem to faze him.

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - NIGHT

He lets out a sigh as he heads back into the dressing room hall, quiet save for the light sound from the stage leaking through the doors to the wings.

That is, until he thinks he hears something else. He listens carefully as the sound of crying becomes clearer, coming from the girls dressing room.

INT. AAA - GIRLS DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT

Maya is in there alone, attempting to stifle her tears. She keeps trying to take deep breaths and bring it back, but sometimes emotion demands to be felt.

Farkle pokes his head in, his suspicions confirmed. He debates entering for a moment, even almost turning away before he finds himself heading in anyway. Maya spots him in the mirror, letting out a huff and not bothering to reprimand him for being in the wrong dressing room. Her mind is far from that at the moment anyway.

Maya: How pathetic is it that a world famous starlet can show up on opening night for her bastard daughter, and mine can’t even skip one lousy shift at a run-down diner no one cares about? [ with a sniffle ] Maybe that’s karma.

Farkle approaches without comment, only speaking when he’s close enough that she could lash out at him and she chooses not to. Coast clear, he reaches into a pocket of his costume and retrieves a handkerchief, nodding to her.

Farkle: You’ll ruin your makeup.

Maya lets out a dry laugh, taking another deep breath. Farkle slowly reaches forward and touches up her mascara, dabbing at her tears and doing his best to fix them. It’s a surprisingly tender moment, a resounding echo of the way things used to be. And boy, does it ache.

Still, Farkle made his mistakes, and he has to live with them. Maya says as much, warning him in a murmur that this doesn’t change anything. She’s still pissed at him, and they’re not fine. He responds flatly, expressing that not once did he believe it would be any different. But he finishes helping her anyway.

Once she’s all cleaned up, her gaze lingers on him for a long beat. Then she warns him that he’s going to miss his cue, flurrying out and leaving Farkle in the dressing room. Alone once again.

He twists the handkerchief in his fingers, his starting vocals floating in…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “No More” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Farkle Minkus (feat. Nigel Chey & Stuart Minkus)

Much like his rendition of “Javert’s Suicide” a year ago, there is a subdued melancholy that drives Farkle’s performances that cannot be understated. Wherever all his manic energy went, it’s been replaced by a powerhouse of emotion that hits at something raw.

While Nigel starts off the song with him in his role as the Narrator, about a minute in the visual shifts and suddenly it’s STUART MINKUS on stage with him. Another Farkle Minkus twist on reality, his busybody father suddenly sharing the song about exhaustion and abandonment. Truly ironic, considering the real Stuart isn’t even in the audience.

But clearly, he wishes he was. There are many things Farkle wishes were different than they are, but he’s powerless to change it. “Like father, like son.” As he gets to the final verse, Stuart is gone too, and all there is to focus on is him. Solitary, center stage, delivering one of the most wrought out and impassioned solos he’s delivered in ages.

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - NIGHT

Jack and Eric bump into one another as they’re both searching for Harper, aiming to wish her congratulations before the show ends and they’re swarmed by everyone else. They have a somewhat awkward exchange, uncertain how to address the last time they conversed and it ended in flames.

Ultimately, Jack opts to take the high road. He states that he figures he owes Eric an apology, as he let his frustration get the best of him the other night. And, unsurprisingly, Eric’s take on the situation proved to be a little more apt than he credited him for. Eric hardly seems like he’s going to hold a grudge, giving him a bracing pat on the shoulder and warm smile as he assures him there’s no hard feelings. It hardly matters anyway, considering there’s no one to sentence.

Before Jack can confirm or deny this, Harper emerges from the hall. They both greet her in enthusiastic whispers, not aiming to disrupt the performance entering its final scenes. She really did manage to pull together an astounding show, in spite of everything that happened. A great first notch in her belt.

Harper is grateful. Eric excuses himself, allowing Jack to share his own early congratulations as well. She accepts it, then questions what ended up happening with the vandalism. Was he able to figure out the culprit (she hopes)? Although there’s a moment of hesitation, Jack informs her that unfortunately, no guilty party ever rose to the surface.

Jack: Suppose the kids were right to belittle our amateur detective agency.

Harper seems disappointed, but Jack redirects her attention and reminds her that she won’t want to miss the final number. She nods, giving him one last thanks before jogging back towards the hall. So Lucas is never outed as the vandal, leaving the crime to remain an AAA mystery for the history books… and the orchestration of our finale pulls us away...

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Finale / Children Will Listen” as performed by Into the Woods Original Broadway Cast || Performed by AAA Juniors (starting at 1:00)

We jump into the finale right as Yindra is giving her guidance from beyond, Farkle, Riley, Isadora, and Charlie gathered together at center stage and sharing their story with the new life that has entered their world. Farkle mentions each of them in his retelling to his son, the camera hanging on each moment between them.

As Maya takes over, more of the cast begins to filter onto the stage. As they reach the point of singing as a chorus, the message of the song takes on a stronger meaning as we hang on each of our main players. Focus on Charlie in the front row shifts to Zay behind him, halfway through the recitation of the lines “Careful the spell you cast, not just on children / Sometimes the spell may last past what you can see / And turn against you.”

INT. AAA - NIGHT

And the influence -- or lack thereof -- of family in their lives is paramount. Another post-show reunion with family highlights this well enough. Isadora accepts an overtly thrilled greeting from Valerie, although she remembers not to hug her and sticks to simply lauding her with congratulations. Asher and Dylan take a group selfie with their families in their all-black stage crew ensembles.

Farkle greets his siblings and mother, but the absence of Stuart looms large. Riley shares a tight hug with her mother, Cory watching bittersweetly with Auggie. Charlie chats with the full Gardner clan, Zay glancing over his shoulder towards him from where he’s standing with family across the room. Maya roams, uncertain what to do with herself.

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - NIGHT

Lucas settles into the booth alone, sitting at the lighting booth and looking at the empty stage. He looks at the half-baked set piece, guilt more evident on his face than earlier.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

In spite of all this, the show must go on. The episode wraps with the last minute or so of the musical, the entire ensemble coming together to repeat the final chorus until Riley whips back around to offer one more “I wish.”

Sometimes people leave you halfway through the wood, Do not let it grieve you, no one leaves for good.

Well… we wish.

END OF EPISODE.

#s2 #episodes #203 #i love this musical #there is... a lot going on !!!!!!

[amwritingmeta]

S15 Hopes and Wishes: Cas

Alright, shall we do this, then? Shall we start the speculative portion of summer, then? I mean, this is speculative hopes and wishes, based in what I can see viable for S15, right? It’s not a prediction. It’s not me saying this will happen. It’s me saying, heyyyyyy, look at what they might’ve set up for! And wouldn’t it be cool if...?? 

Yeah?

Cool beans. (or hot ones) (whichever way you like em)

So.

This thought came into my head last Sunday while I was on a train from Rome to Fiumincino. (highly irrelevantly relevant, but anyway)

Let’s look at where S14 ends and where S15 might pick up when it comes to Cas, yeah? Because, way I see it, Chuck snapping his fingers and that episode being all about how writers lie and how Chuck is the ultimate control freak toxic masculinity bad guy and everything that was pulled on by Dabb in the finale landed in Chuck’s final statement:

Welcome to the end.

Welcome to The End.

See it? Yeah, I know you do, you clever.

The Croatoan virus was basically a zombie virus, right? The croats have the characteristics of zombies. It’s all very fitting then that now, at the actual end, we’re dealing with a zombie apocalypse. I mean, talk about Chuck luxuriating in his own story. Talk about a callback with a twist! 

To me, the narrative of 5x03 was itself a lie, spun by Zachariah, built on Dean’s deepest fears, a worst case scenario meant to manipulate Dean into saying yes to Michael.

And in The End, the dynamics had shifted unhealthily. That episode is all about highlighting Dean’s real internal wants and needs by forcing him to face the aforementioned worst case scenario.

I mean, I’d argue it was all inspired by fears that Zachariah tapped into in Dean, but whatever it was - real or constructed - the intention of the episode remains the same, yeah? To expose those fears to us and to wake Dean up to the truth of what a rift between him and Sam actually means for the bigger picture.

In 14x20, we get Chuck saying yeah, my callback isn’t a replica, isn’t a virus spreading, but rather the dead literally waking, and me ripping apart your legacy because it was all a construct and your choices don’t really matter and there’s nothing you can do to stop me (because more doomsday) but it’s still the marrow of Zachariah’s world, and it’s bound to fuck with you guys the way you’re fucking with my story.

That’s the setup. 

Now to Cas:

What was Cas’ role in The End?

Well... you know, right? Yeah, I think you do, you clever.

And, listen, my horses are so, so held here, but... in The End, Cas is human.

Cas in The End is bitter at how his journey has ended without him really having a say in how. He didn’t choose to give up his powers - he chose to stay and fight with his human friend’s, but he wasn’t expecting humanity to creep up on him as the lack of angels in Heaven meant that the grace of Heaven simply... depleted. In The End, Cas states that he used to belong to a “much better club”, but we know that Cas now, at the very end, would never say that or feel that way. He’s been disillusioned by Heaven and doesn’t even identify as an angel anymore, but rather as a “thing”. 

A thing in between.

And that’s why it would be so fucking amazing if he starts the season human, because Chuck, with that snap of his fingers, will have taken away one of the brother’s more important weapons (Dean this season even said to Jack that they still see Cas as insurance when out on the job) and that’s Chuck’s motivation (one might assume), but for Cas’ individual arc, being pushed out of this state of complacency he’s been in for so much of season fourteen due, in large part, to his deal with the Empty and his canonical fear of happiness, would mean that he’s suddenly put in a place of gaining true perspective.

Perspective on himself, so that he can finally dare to answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? and answer them honestly, because only when he dares to answer them honestly can he begin to experience true happiness and, once he does experience it, without inhibition, if he’s human he’ll be rewarded for finally learning his lesson, and he’ll be rewarded when the Empty can’t touch him at the moment of real happiness, because the Empty can’t touch him in his true form, because humans don’t belong in the Empty.

It. Would. Be. So. Damn. Beautiful.

*horses held horses held but OMFG but horses held*

Why was Cas being human in The End part of that worst case scenario for Dean? Because of the distance between endverse!Dean and endverse!Cas. 

Our Dean lowkey wants Cas to be human, because Dean wants Cas to be with him and it’s a whole lot of complexity that goes into that lowkey wish, but that wish in its simplest form is that: if Cas is human, Dean might have a shot and Cas might choose to stay. And stop dying. :)

In The End, Cas is human and fighting alongside Dean, but not in the way our Dean wants, deep down, though he’s still too scared to admit it (which is why we’re shown it) (so that we can lowkey understand for him). Cas’ embittered view of humanity is also the absolute opposite of what Dean wants for him, and hey, I’d argue that Dean gives Cas a nickname and starts pushing human things on him immediately because Dean, as representative of humanity for Cas, inherently knows what Cas truly wants, even though Cas doesn’t, and Dean consciously doesn’t either.

It’s the core of the subtext of their love story arc: that they bring out the truth of one another’s core traits and highlight what the other’s core need is.

Faith for Dean.

Humanity for Cas.

But that’s really a different post. It’s just all so very pretty and whatever we get I’m sure it’ll be fucking amazing and highly entertaining and that they will build us a worthy ending, because every person involved on this show wants that worthy ending. 

I just think that Cas becoming human sooner rather than later, and us getting to follow him truly exploring his humanity and learning how to deal with that flooding of emotion and the cravings and the desires... It would make for fantastic fucking story fodder! *human!Cas addict though*

And also, as a deeply personal wish, I suppose, it would be truly profound (especially since last time he ended his stint as a human specifically to prepare himself for war by swallowing Theo’s grace) to have Cas heading into this final battle as a human, in order to prove to himself that he does not need his powers to be powerful, to be useful, to be every bit the necessary addition to the group that he’s always been.

It would be so mind-blowingly head-explodingly fantastic that there are no damn words for how happy it’d make me. And I’d be happy for his sake. 

Aside from that, he deserves to feel accepted into that bunker, just as he is. Just the basic him. Without all those bells and whistles. :) And to understand that he always was. Truly. That he’s not kept around as insurance, because he truly isn’t. But more than that, for him to feel so comfortable in his own skin that he can, finally, accept the truth of this and see the love that the Winchesters have for him.

*yes I know we all want this of course!!*

And with regards for how it should be Cas’ choice to become human, I think it’s just as powerful for him to choose to stay human, if given to choice to have his powers restored. 

You know, he kind of needs to be shaken out of the complacency in order to actually understand what’s best for him, because if he doesn’t gain perspective, it’s very difficult for him to truly understand himself, right?

And I’ve always seen the whole Heaven-crumbling-into-dust bit as a very good and big obstacle to Cas choosing humanity for himself, for any reason (like recognising that it’ll nullify his deal with the Empty, for example) because how could Cas ever choose to do anything that will, ultimately, serve to end the world and end it through enormous suffering? As long as his grace is needed to power Heaven, of course he wouldn’t make the choice to give it up.

But if the choice is made for him...

Oh, it would be too amazing to even consider.

But I shall not say that this will happen, that this must happen, that this is clearly what they have set up for, because I don’t know, I can’t know, this is speculative, this is not a prediction of any kind, it’s literally just a great big old wish, fuelled by hope that we get a long human!Cas arc, rather than a too short one. 

And, yes, to my mind, if all these men are thresholding the way I feel the season finale set them up for, then Cas becoming human would mean a huge shift in the dynamic between him and Dean and it could do such wonders. 

They’re all so ready for a change.

I truly hope they get it as early as the first episode.

*fingers crossed for momentum*

#spn s15 #spn s15 wish list #hopes and wishes #speculation #not prediction #no promises #pinches of salt #cas #human!cas #the end #spn 5x03 #spn 14x20 #chuck #dean winchester #yes I'll write more on sam too #darling sam! #destiel

[dan-alexander-art]

Personas

Man it has been a long time since I posted anything. I wanted to apologize for that, things have been hectic. Especially with University but through all that I've been doing a lot of self discovery and realized I'm not one person, but actually six (plus a train of thoughts). Most people might think it's Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID or Multiple Personality Disorder) but that's not what I have. After talking to a therapist about this she's helped me see that they're just different parts of me. I knew it wasn't DID to begin with since I didn't have blank memories. It took awhile but after trying to listen to my different parts I figured out who they are and their own stories. Most have their own tastes of music and that has helped me a lot in figuring out on who they are, what they do and what they're like. So below I their bios as well as a short story of them and how they came to be. This is right to left.

Name: Love and Memories

Nickname: Rose

Likes: Listening to Maroon 5 and songs about love. Look back at happy memories. Giving Lillies or Bonsai Trees to friends.

Bio: Love has been around a long time, he's the second longest persona that existed. When he's around he doesn't care what to wear. When he's present he likes to go back and remember both the good and bad in my life. He has a deeper understanding between a good relationship and a bad relationship. The vines represent a current relationship I have, weather it's a friendship or family relations. When the vines are mostly thorns rather than flowers it means the relationship is toxic and should be fixed. If there are more flowers than thorns then the relationship is healthy. The point where the toxicity has gotten really bad is when the rose on his right eye begins to wither. Whenever we get friends he symbolically gives said friend either a lily or Bonsai tree since these require lots of care, love and patience just like a real friendship. Love isn't too hesitant about forming new bonds but only after a certain amount of time. He's not shy but most people would assume since he doesn't speak much, but in reality he just doesn't know how to communicate well and worries it might come out wrong, misunderstood or offensive.

Name: Beast

Nickname: ---

Likes: Feeding off my insecurities and taunting me

Bio: Beast is a dangerous persona that requires me to have full control of what goes on. Beast can control the other personas. For example Beast can make Love rewind traumatic memories and leave me feeling paralyzed. He is the embodiment of negativity and he enjoys seeing me suffer. If I'm not careful he can and will slowly crawl up behind me. Starting with small whispers of insecurities then building on until he's shouting taunts at me. Shouting all my fears, my worries and my worthlessness to the point of crying.

Name: Hurt

Nickname: Wolf

Likes: Listening to Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Katy Perry and any type of strengthing music. Wearing rings and bracelets.

Bio: Hurt carries a lot of scars and wounds on him that represent emotional and mental scars and wounds I carry. He doesn't mind showing them off, he actually finds them empowering. To him it shows not only what he's been through but even through all that he's still here. Hurt isn't afraid aside from Beast. Beast is the only thing that scares him. Hurt also doesn't mind crying, it just means he's human like everyone else. When he's around he lets me cry when I need to but also reminds me that there's always a better tomorrow. That whatever is going on in my life doesn't mean the world is going to end and this experience is only going to make me stronger. Hurt's nickname comes from his ability to change into a wolf. The form represents the pride he has for being able to continue walking down this path dispite the curveballs life has thrown at us. Hurt is very wary of new people and doesn't open up on the spot. Though he's very kind and is willing to comfort people who are hurting. He always puts other people ahead of himself. The cracked eye shows that Hurt's soul is part broken, since the eyes are the windows to the soul. The cracked has a tendency to bleed every now and then and because of the cracked eye his perspective is warped. What caused the cracked eye is something Hurt doesn't want to talk about or explain.

Name: Ying & Yang

Nickname: Unity

Likes: Listening to NoCopyrightSounds (NCS) and other types of beat music. Wearing a black hoodie.

Bio: Yang has a deep understanding for human behavior and human emotions but doesn't understand his own. When he's around I just have a strong emotion of movement and color. Yang is very powerful, he can alter my reality. He helps me see different perspectives. Yang also has a different side called Ying. Yang is calm, collective and uses his ability to make my day brighter. Ying is a bit more unstable, he changes my reality in order to escape it. Ying doesn't always show up but when he does it's often from stress and a sense of lack of control. Unlike Yang, Ying doesn't see color. He only sees static black and white. This static helps calm my mind by focusing on less. Ying is also chaotic and makes me go through healthy mental breakdowns. Though Ying's mind is also disturbing compared to Yang's. Ying doesn't mind listening to twisted music and watching gorey movies.

Name: Smart Alec

Nickname: Yukio

Likes: Listening to lo-fi and reading music. Reading fiction books. Peace and quiet whenever possible.

Bio: Alec is the first persona to be around, he only focuses on school and is always planning ahead. He rarely makes me forget to do HW. Alec would often scare me into doing HW fast and early. Though it pays off. He loves reading especially the Wings of Fire series. The combination of music and reading helps keep him immersed into the world. He's often very technical and often likes to argue with science. He's all about the facts and research, he sees educating one's self is important especially with the type of world he's in this time around. He's hardworking and studying whenever it's necessary. He use to push me to my limits but is now more lenient and doesn't make me overdo it when it comes to studying. He's not really too comfortable in crowds and prefers to be with a small group or being alone. He doesn't mind a challenge, in fact he actually welcomes it. Alec doesn't see any reason for emotions and he lacks a lot of emotion himself. Although he doesn't see it as bad he does see it as a burden, especially if when I'm upset but there's a task to be done. Though he encourages me to do said task, like he always says: Once you hit rock bottom, the only way now is up.

Name: Creativity

Nickname: Twilight

Likes: Listening to Alan Walker, Zedd and any upbeat music, but mostly music in general. Drawing and painting, especially adding a new drawings to my bedroom walls. Playing videogames, mostly JRPGs. Wearing hoodies and comfortable clothes.

Bio: Creativity likes to turn Yang's vision of colors into meaning. He often translates those colors into drawings. The same goes when he listens to music. When he's around he always compeles me to draw even if it's late. He gives me a drive to continue drawing. He also looks out for my wellbeing by helping me balance between downtime and chores. Creativity is also the one who gave the other personas nicknames. He's mostly shy but that shyness doesn't stay around when he's playing competitively. He won't hesitate to pick up a controller when it comes to games such as Smash Bros. Playing games helps with the ongoing stresses in life but also helps spark new ideas. Creativity also likes to world building and create new characters for his world building. He's always positive and helps me through my hard times by drawing vent art. Creativity is a Walker fan himself, if you're curious he's Walker #37804.

Name: Lust

Nickname: Blaze

Likes: Listening to Ke$ha, Avril Lavigne, Green Day and any type of party music. Think about sex as a means to relieve anger, frustration or irritation. Wearing multiple necklaces and high tops.

Bio: Lust didn't always have free will especially early on. He was always fueled by rage, hate and anger. He often protected me by being cold and learning to fight back. He was present in my early years of starting Elementary school as a way to keep a distance from people who would try to hurt me. Though because of his lack of free will he would often make me feel angry and ready to clock anything even if it was just bothering me. The lack of freewill came from Beast. In fact Beast and Lust use to be one. With Beast fueling his anger with hurtful words. It wasn't until Ying and Yang helped them be their own person that Lust started to control his anger. Now he just likes to display himself as someone against authority when he believes something is wrong. And he uses that anger as a passion to participate in marches and protests. Though Lust hasn't completely shed influence from Beast. He possesses the ability to become a dragon. He can do this at will but not when he's angry. The angrier Lust gets the more dragon like he becomes. Only when he gets enraged does Lust become a full dragon. Lust is very protective, not just protective of me but also of my friends. He cares about other people and displays it as being protective. If anyone messes with my friends, Lust won't hesitate to get even. He's also very raw when it comes to intercourse and sees it as nothing more than human nature and not something to be ashamed about. Though he also holds consent to a high standard. If we're out he'll make sure me or someone there doesn't end up getting taken advantage of or be in a dangerous situation. Intercourse is very secrete to him and not something someone should have the ability to abuse.

#digital art #personas #charcter art #charcterdesign #persona drawing #digital illustration