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maritotoy · 4 months

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MAUGA X Support/Medic Reader ((Part. 1))

NOTE: Believe it or not, I never realize how long I've written this one.

This narrative tracks Mauga's obsession with Y/N as it grows to the point where he is prepared to kill everyone who stands in his way. With this in mind, Mauga's commitment would gradually grow. He would start out softly and then this need on you would get stronger.

It all began when your talents were initially utilised for recruitment. You were a terrific help, willing to assist your teammates in whatever way they needed.

Your main issue was that you could never truly let them handle things on their own. As a result, it became increasingly difficult to care for yourself.

They promised you riches if you helped them fight back against their threat. There were only so many ways to profit from rival worlds, after all. You were aware that you were going into a whole new universe when you agreed, but you also felt that you had no choice but to accept them.

Ultimately, you didn't wish to pass away, did you?

It was stated to you when you first joined TALON Organization, that you should concentrate only on the battlefield. Up until you met Baptiste, an exceptional combat medic, it was great with you. Your shared enthusiasm for curing illness is what unites the two of you. It turned into a shared passion. As you try to acquire experience in several areas, like medical supplies, you both hope to discover some more useful abilities, like healing or even a unique kind of combat capability.

But you can hardly ever get to Baptiste, he's constantly at the top. Both a combat mercenary and medic. You're always looking for ways to sharpen your skills.

Even after meeting him again at your base and on missions, you are still determined to improve your ability to deal with any possible emergencies. Not until later do you find out what happens when a member of your unit gets injured.

Baptiste surged in, carrying an imposing stature and a solid, muscular frame. His voice sounded desperate, asking, "I'm sorry if I came to you! I know you are busy, but I need help with my friend, please, Y/N!" The urgency was so obvious that there wasn't much resistance. Even if he was a doctor himself, it must have seemed urgent enough.

Besides... You were in the right place to help.

You rushed over to his side and helped him stabilize his huge friend. "What happened, Bap? Are you hurt?" He didn't reply, but his eyes told you all you needed to know.

You fix your sight on his pal. He does not appear to be hurt or seriously damage. However, the man's body is completely soaked, which looks very suspicious to you. "Is he alright, Bap? I don't see anything wrong." He shook his head and gave a sigh.

"We were attacked. Mauga and I found the source of the enemy attack and got separated."

"How long has it been since then?"

"Four hours, maybe five."

"Do you have any idea of what may have caused the damage?"

"I'm not sure. However, I had already discovered him unconscious but unharmed on the ground. It should not take long for him to awaken.." You glance at the unconscious man again before you say, "Let me take a look at him." He nodded and stepped aside.

"Mauga could never be wounded by shots like that. Despite his size, he could easily absorb one hit thanks to his physique." He explains.

You crouch down and check on his comrade. He seems fine to you. There's nothing unusual about him, other than the fact that he's a bit too heavy.

You knew Mauga.

And with such.

You just don't know how to engage with him.

On a conversation? Yes. Your profession is your duty.

You don’t really get along with those who rely solely on themselves as an advantage, even though you respect their abilities.

The feeling is mutual. Every time someone gets hurt because of something beyond their control, you are there to help them.

Because that's your job as a medic.

You both have quite a difference in interests, though. You can't stand the fact that he’s so reckless, you can't understand why he doesn't think more carefully before he acts. As soon as he sees blood, it's always the most important thing.

Mauga stands tall, towering over his opponents with an impressive height of 7'5 ft tall. (My headcanon)

Mauga is a formidable opponent on the front lines thanks to his strong, muscular physique. His broad shoulders and thick neck gives off an air of strength and power, and his body is well-built, demonstrating his strength and capacity to deal severe damage to rivals.

Did I mention he has two hearts?

Unlike you, Mauga is a ruthless and cunning individual, driven by his own motivations. He never lets anyone interfere with his goals, whether or not they involve you. While he might act with reckless disregard sometimes, he is also able to calculate the best course of action.

Not anyone knows this. But you knew nontheless with Baptiste.

You may be underestimating him in some way, or you may have witnessed the genuine thing, up close and personal, but he always brags about his achievements without hesitation or shame. His fighting style turns wild and unpredictable when he fights. If Mauga doesn't want to win, he will take his time, before using ChaCha and Gunny, his chainguns, to grab the victory, and he won't give up until he achieves his objective.

He definitely is careless, isn't he?

"He's breathing just fine, Baptiste. I would say he is in perfect health, aside from the injuries, I can't detect any signs of any damage injuries either." You said as you stood up. Baptiste sighs relief. "I'll leave him to you doctor. Don't worry, I trust that you have everything under control." He says this to you while nodding in satisfaction.

This gesture of his is a way of gratitude towards the medic's work.

"I will be back later," he says as he leaves to make a round to prepare for battle.

While Baptiste was gone, you sat next to the downed mercenary soldier and begin to observe him. In the midst of his unconsciousness, he seems to be in a good state. There was no sign of discomfort or pain. His pulses are fast but steady, knowing that Mauga have two hearts, one that allowed him to replace his damaged, organic heart with a cybernetic one. That way, his heart will beat twice as fast. You can easily tell that Mauga is in his natural state.

Your eyes began to feel heavy after observing him for some time. You weren't sure if it's due to fatigue from watching him, or simply exhaustion from your duties as a medic.

Before you knew it, you fell asleep.

When you awoke, you find yourself staring back into the face of Maugaloa Malosi, whose lips formed into those flashing, same pasted smile as usual. “Ah, Doctor. How nice to see you again.”

You quickly wake up, sitting straight up on the chair. “M-Mauga!" You exclaimed, alarmed. "H-How is you- I mean are you feeling alright?”

He grinned at you. “I am feeling rather fine.” You let out a long, sigh of relief. However, you didn't anticipate that this would happen frequently. “I see..." You replied.

Silence takes over for a while. Mauga stared at you intensely before taking a step forward. “Your Y/N, correct? Baptiste little assistant. I've heard much about you, but never expect that I would get to get treated from you.”

You flinched slightly at his words 'assistant' and the word 'little', but you remained calm. “I'm glad that you feel better now. You should rest and recover. If you still need them..."

“I appreciate the concern,” he says as he reaches towards your shoulder. You instinctively raise your hands in preparation of blocking. This caught him off guard, causing him to pause in his movements, then booms laughing.

“My apologies, Teuila. I thought that you might have forgotten what I do here,” he said in that familiar, friendly tone.

“If I recall correctly, I haven't given you permission to touch me.” This comment caught him off guard as he chuckles deeply.

He stares at your hand for a while longer. You're beginning to become worried. After a brief silence, he reaches forward and lightly holds onto your wrist.

“That’s a very sensitive spot…” He whispers gently. Your heartbeat begins to accelerate. “And your pulse is fast. Is this normal?” he asks. “Yes,” you respond in a soft voice.

“Then why are you afraid? You know I'm not going to hurt you...” He grinned. His sharp teeth glinted menacingly in the dim light. "Surely you've already made a friend? You also gave him a lot of attention than you do with me. Or have you grown to dislike me?"

"...I... I beg your pardon-" your speech is interrupted by Baptiste with a tired expression.

"Hey... Sorry that I took so long. I went to gather supplies. Mission was a success." He sighed in relief as he approached you.

"Mauga, I'm glad your awake bud." Baptiste sighs in relief and smiles at Mauga. Mauga returned the gesture before looking back at you.

He still has that huge grin plastered across his features while his eyes darted towards yours. "You're crazy out there Mauga. Do you really think that you can defeat the enemies single handedly?" Baptiste says with a chuckle. “You know me Baptiste, I never do things without planning them out.” He grinned, revealing that row of dazzlingly white teeth. “I still don't understand how you've been knocked down so easily. It's hard to believe that you can be beaten like that.” Baptiste gives a half smirk, half frown.

You listen to their conversation, and you try to make sense of it. Mauga laughs at the situation, as if it's all so obvious. "C'mon, Baptiste, we have bigger problems than me right now. The mission is a success because we finally found the enemy camp. But it was a close call, and we needed your medical expertise to treat the wounded," Mauga explains to Baptiste while looking directly into his eyes with a sly smile. "I carried your massive ass in this camp with support of your weight alone. You ought to be pleased to have a subordinate with such skill." Baptiste smirks. He was referring to you. Mauga laughs at his friend's criticism, displaying his amusement at the circumstances.

"So yeah. It was pretty rough, but we managed to secure the objective! Isn't that great news?"

It's not really a surprise to you.

Mauga does tend to put himself in danger, especially when he's in an unfamiliar place.

This guy is completely reckless, which is why you can't believe that he managed to survive so many battles without falling apart or breaking down.

"Your a loose-canon, but I hope ended well..." you say calmly, hoping that you sound convincing enough.

"I can assure that I have the highest respect and admiration for your abilities as a medic. I would never doubt your skills, even if I hadn't personally experience how skilled you are in dealing with wounds." Mauga comments, he sounds sincere as ever.

Baptiste grins again. "That's a big ego of yours, my friend. You should consider giving a few compliments to the people who did more than you."

"I would love to, my friend, but there's nothing wrong with being modest about our accomplishments."

"Alright," Baptiste said, sounding annoyed.

--------

After several hours, days, months of treating your patients at base. You cannot help but wonder seeing Mauga quite often, whether that is purely because of duty or something else. Although it is difficult to tell what he's thinking, there are moments where you notice the way that he is constantly staring at you. Like he's trying to figure out something about you:

studying your appearance, facial expressions, mannerisms. Sometimes he gets lost in his thoughts, sometimes he appears to be lost in his own world, occasionally, you could catch him smirking knowingly, or even smiling to himself. These small gestures usually only occur during times when it's with you with him. Sometimes, the man is just too cheerful, or too energetic in general.

You could hardly handle the stress of handling all these patients in the infirmary on your own. You're starting to miss having Baptiste around to keep him occupied while you go through patients. You sighed loudly not until Mauga appears behind you

You found him with wounds on his chest and torso. You turn to look at him, "What happened?"

"Nothing serious..." He grins, showing his sharpened teeth.

"Just a minor injury, eh?" You raise an eyebrow at the mercenary, crossing your arms over your chest. Mauga simply shrugs as he sits on a table.

There was another period of silence between you two, and the atmosphere seemed to tense up considerably. This time, it's you who breaks the silence. "I'm sorry that you got injured. I don't know how I should react seeing someone else getting hurt so casually. You could have died out there. And that's not the worst thing that can happen," you said sarcastically and sternly.

He chuckles. "Oh really? Tell me more." He leans closer to your face, gazing deeply into your eyes. "Ah. So that's how it is."

You glare at him angrily, but he ignores you as you continue working. "Are you seriously going to mock me for worrying about you?"

"Not at all," he replied, with a hint of sarcasm. "But there is one thing that concerns me."

"What? You're going to insult me too, aren't you?" Mauga laughs while Y/N tends his injury.

The felt of your touch sends shivers throughout his entire body. He tries hard to suppress the sudden urge to grab her hand and hold on tightly. It's becoming harder to control these urges though. He shakes his head rapidly as he pulls away from you. He looks at you with narrowed eyes. "I'm not mocking you, you know?"

Your gaze flicks briefly to his. "Hm."

There was a short silence between you two, until you began to clean a cut on one of his legs. You noticed his gaze follow every movement of your fingers. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I'd prefer that you didn't ask questions so frequently, Teuila."

"Teuila?" You face him. "You know, I never asked you of this... But why do you call me that?" He lets out a deep chuckle and replies. "Because you look like Teuila. It fits well, doesn't it?" He flashes you a warm smile before turning his head away again.

You shrugged of his answer, continuing your work without saying anything further, although you were extremely curious. "Teuila... What does that word mean?" There's a brief moment of silence in between the two of you once you finished cleaning up the blood staining his leg. A faint smile plays across his lips again. "I thought you were better than that."

"And you think that you're better than me?"

"Yeah," he replies smugly.

"Then... You've obviously underestimated me, don't you?" You give him a challenging smirk. He returns the smile with a smirk of his own, but he then turns serious again. His eyes narrow. "Let me enlighten you. That name means 'flower'. Do you understand what kind of flower it means?"

You gave him a blank stare. He continues to smirk, waiting for you to understand his meaning. Eventually, you sigh, putting your hands on your hips. "Do I look like I care to know?" You scoff, rolling your eyes lightly.

Mauga laughs. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter what you think of it..."

There was silence between you two for a few seconds, and you looked away with furrowed brows.

You finish patching up the mercenary, placing some bandages around him and securing them securely. "Now that I finished helping you, you're dismissed." You professionaly said after you made sure that everything was covered properly. Mauga laughs at this. "Really? Now? Just like that?" He asks mockingly.

"Yes Mauga, I don't have any other duties besides tending to your wounds. I've been doing that for quite some time now," you responded coldly.

Mauga raises an eyebrow at this. "You know, if you start beginning to care about those wounds, you might find yourself losing them. If you want me to leave your clinic quickly, then you'll have to earn my trust first, which requires some work."

You sigh heavily. Of course Mauga will insist on making things difficult for you. "I am no doctor Mauga, I cannot cure your injuries." You sarcasticly said.

"Oh I know that. But you're still willing to take the risk." He chuckled.

"You wouldn't had to waste precious time coming here in order to talk shit."

Mauga laughs at you again, grinning like a cat that ate the canary. "I wouldn't waste too much time coming here either, but I also wouldn't be able to enjoy it quite as much because you'll be gone by then," he says confidently. "Besides, you're not exactly known for your patience." You roll your eyes, turning back to the table in front of you.

"You know I've always wondered what it feels like to be your patient," Mauga mused. "To be the one receiving the attention of the most skilled medic in your battalion."

"You must be joking," you replied, you know what he meant, not wanting to think that you would ever become his patient.

"No. You know me... " He grins. You groaned. "Don't' make such assumptions, we don't know each other all that well yet."

"Yet..."

You glared at him as he laughed. "Whatever. It seems like there's no stopping you, is there? We haven't even officially met yet, and already you're acting as if you have a good relationship with me." You sighed exasperatedly, massaging the area of your forehead in irritation.

"Listen, Mauga. My job is simple, I care for my patients and treat them well. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe I'm different," he said cockily.

"How? Are you not afraid of dying?"

"No... No I'm not... I've done so much more reckless things than death." His expression suddenly shifted to an emotionless one. For a moment, it felt almost as if he wasn't looking at you anymore. Then he chuckled softly, giving you a playful wink. "But I'm no saint."

"It must be hard to admit being human." You shook your head slightly.

"Sometimes." His grin returned to his features.

You couldn't help but stare directly into his eyes for a little longer, taking in how dark they actually are.

Mauga shows a huge plastered face. His still wearing his dumb smile.

You blinked at him.

He blinked back.

You rolled your eyes. "Stop smiling so much." He continued to laugh, as you turned away from him again. Mauga stood up and stretched lazily, "I have something to attend to, I'll be seeing you later," Mauga teasingly said as he made his way towards the door. He opens it, but he glances back.

A small smirk forms on his lips.

You watch him disappear outside the door, closing it behind him with a click. Once the door closes you let out a heavy sigh, resting your back against the wall behind you. Your heart is racing a mile, a minute, both at the prospect of having finally been alone with Mauga again, and the strange feeling within you after you spent several hours alone with him.

This feeling...

It's definitely not normal.

End of part 1

Part 2- ???

#mauga #maugaloa malosi #mauga overwatch #overwatch mauga #overwatch #mauga x reader #ow mauga #mauga ho'okano #overwatch x reader

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riality-check · 1 year

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tw for mentions of substance abuse (part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7)

ao3

Steve Harrington has been awake for fifty four hours. With luck, he'll be able to eke out another eighteen. Three days seems to be the sweet spot, even if he only makes it there half the time and, of that half, it only works half the time.

It's better than nothing.

Maybe four days is the sweet spot. Ninety six is close to one hundred, and that seems like a good omen.

Omens don't really matter though. What matters is staying awake.

So, Steve chugs his coffee and walks into the conference room. Coffee isn't enough, not nearly, but it'll do until he gets desperate enough to take something.

He really does try to only take them when he's desperate. It's easier that way, to just do it when he feels like he needs to rather than measuring dosages and remembering times. Hours start to blur around hour forty of being awake.

He walks in, sits down in the chair closest to the door, and is met with a withering glare from Eddie Munson.

Listen. Steve isn't happy about this either, but at least he doesn't look like he stepped in dog shit on the way here. Then again, Steve doesn't have the luxury of ever looking truly unhappy.

Eddie is a rock star. Mean is part of his brand, while mean is the antithesis to Steve's.

Whatever.

"Are you kidding me?" Eddie says, still staring at him, but Steve knows he's not who he's asking.

"He's the best person for the job," Chrissy, Eddie's manager, says.

"We don't need him."

Someone taps Steve's left shoulder. He turns to see Jeff, the lead singer of Corroded Coffin, give him a warm smile.

"Nice to meet you, Steve," he says, and Steve shakes his proffered hand.

"Happy to help," he says, and it's only half a lie.

The drummer and the bassist - Steve would probably be able to remember their names if he wasn't so exhausted - wave their hellos from a few seats away.

"Hi, Steve," Chrissy says.

He takes another swig of his coffee and gives her a little wave in response.

"We don't need a pop singer to write lyrics for us," Eddie says, still not letting this go.

"Yes, you do," Steve says. He sets his coffee cup down on the table and opens the folder he brought with him. "I read through the lyrics of every one of your songs."

"You didn't even listen to them?"

"Would have taken too much time."

That's a lie. Listening, even with the lengthy guitar solos, probably would have taken less time. But Steve needs something to fill the hours when he's supposed to be asleep, and reading, that slow process with its ample, awakening frustration, is the perfect thing.

"You became so much less interesting after your first album," he says. "Every one of your songs talks about the same thing. Conquering evil, killing demons, blah blah blah."

"That's what's in right now," Eddie snaps.

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve catches the drummer and Chrissy make the same motion. They pinch the bridges of their noses, clearly frustrated.

Steve sees why Chrissy wanted to talk to him.

"It is," he concedes. "But I also read the lyrics of every song by the bands with top ten hits. They don't talk about it nearly as much. They sing about other stuff. And they don't use an F major chord in every one of their songs."

"We don't-"

"We kinda do, Eddie," the bassist pipes up. "I'm a little sick of playing F."

Eddie takes a breath. Steve takes the opportunity to take a pill.

He found a way to make it less obvious for people who have something to say about it. Steve will take one from his pocket, yawn, cover his mouth, and swallow it dry. Easy peasy. They don't notice, he doesn't have to deal with people who don't get it making comments.

Except when he does, this time, Eddie narrows his eyes. Like he knows what he's doing.

Steve doesn't like that look.

"Have you read my stuff?" He won't ask if Eddie has listened to any of it. He knows the answer is no, if he keeps bringing up genre like that really means anything.

Eddie doesn't respond. He keeps those narrowed eyes trained on Steve and stays silent.

"Didn't think so," he says, and he slides over the thick stack of papers Robin stapled together for him last night. "Here's everything. Read it. Tell me if you like it. I'm only helping you if you give a shit. This goes two ways, and I don't want to waste my time if you think I'm wasting yours."

Eddie doesn't take the stack, but the drummer, sitting next to him, tugs them closer. "Thanks."

"Let me know tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Jeff says, eyebrows raised.

Steve forgets that most people don't actually take advantage of their twenty four hours.

"End of the week," he says instead, and he relaxes when Jeff does.

The drummer starts flipping through the pages while the bassist looks over his shoulder.

"Need anything else from me?" Steve asks Chrissy.

"I don't think so," she says. "I'll call you back to set up a time for Saturday."

He's amazed by the fact that someone as sweet as her works with someone as pretentious as Eddie.

"Sounds good," he says, and he walks out, trying to ignore the feeling of Eddie's eyes on him as he goes through the door.

It only halfway works.

The pill should kick in soon, within a half hour, maybe shorter because of the coffee. Maybe he'll write something. Maybe he'll work on the piano melody he's been tinkering with for the past week. Maybe he'll read the latest book Robin picked up from the library, something interesting enough to be worth the frustration of the moving letters, something that will still fill the time.

He'll make it to seventy two hours. Then he'll crash because his body is a worthless piece of shit, and he hopes this is the half of the time when he doesn't have any goddamn nightmares.

Maybe he should pop another pill, just in case.

#ria writes #tw drugs #tw substance abuse #steve harrington #eddie munson #chrissy cunningham #corroded coffin #st #st ficlet #stranger things #stranger things ficlet #steddie #steddie ficlet #can you tell i just finished daisy jones and the six?#anyway it gave me worms #so enjoy #pop star steve harrington #rock star eddie munson #dja au

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animemensblog · 1 year

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Bad side

Toxic!Toji x reader

Pt.2 pt.3

Summary; Toji has finally found someone he would kill, no, die for. He'd give up everything to have y/n, except she already gave up everything for him. So what does she get in return?

Warnings; angst, very small makeout session, Toji is kinda toxic ngl, cussing, hints at a panic attack, mentions of cheating, alot of arguing, happy-ish ending

You were thinking about how you and him met when you were interrupted by a text

Unknown number

Is this y/n?

You

Who is this?

Unknown number

Hi, I just wanted to let you know Toji is asking some of his fan girlies for a fun night out if yk what I mean

*blocked*

How often do you even see these? You wonder to yourself while making your way to the white board, adding another line next to the other 10.

"Hm, 11 now. And I thought I wouldn't make it past double digits" you laugh at yourself, then went to sit back down on your bed, resuming your show waiting for Toji and his friends to arrive. You let out a sigh when you settle against the pillows and fluffy blankets.

You begin to doze off, the singing from the TV wasn't helping but it was too soothing to change channels. Not long goes by before a knock comes to the door, then your doorbell going off. None of which you woke up to; resulting in your door being busted open.

"Y/n?! Where are you?" A worried, yet furious, Toji yells out

"This isn't the warm welcoming we're used to! I'm a princess who needs my princess treatment!" Gojo jokes, earning a chuckle from Geto.

"Shh she could be sleeping, you two need to calm down" Geto says as he walks to the bedroom, hearing your soft snores as he approaches. He peeks around the corner, then Toji joins, and lastly Gojo. All 3 were tilting their heads past the frame just to see you clearly sleeping.

Toji loves watching you do anything, whether being hyper focused on dinner or when you're out like a light, drooling onto his chest. You could trip over cracks on the sidewalks and he'd fall in love all over again. He's that whipped.

Gojo and Geto, however don't find everything you do to be a miracle. So they ran to jump on top of you while Toji moves behind trying to grab them before they land. Unfortunately for you, he's a little too late. You jolt up at impact as Geto let's out an 'oomph' and Gojo, a squeal.

"What the fuck is wrong with you" you spit out as they have their laughing fits, holding their stomachs as steam flows from your ears. Can't forget about Toji, who snuck out the second they landed, knowing you are far from an angel when you awaken from your slumber.

He's out relaxing on the couch, pretending he didn't know what was going on, sipping a beer and scrolling through his phone. Next thing he knows, Geto is jumping over the couch, planting right next to Toji.

Geto was panting like he's been sprinting for miles, you could practically hear his heart. "I see she got you" Toji says with a grin as he points to the victims arm, highlighting the already bruised mark.

"She's got a mean swing dude" Geto says, covering up his wound and pouting

"What about Gojo?"

"He's still.. still in there"

"Awfully quiet don't you think?"

"She was smothering him with a pillow, last time I checked" Geto whispers as he leans back

Toji only let's out a chuckle, then fell silent. Hoping to hear the fight in the other room. Then, Gojo walks out, head hanging low, plopping inbetween Geto and Toji. They both turn to him, ready to hear the story.

"She's scary, Toji" he speaks softly, as if you're still sleeping

"What happened?" Geto asks

"She- she made fun of me.."

Silence is what Gojo receives, it lasted a few seconds as the other two process his words. To Gojo, it felt like hours. They started laughing, while Toji was smacking his back.

"She knows you well, went straight for your core" he said as he shook your latest victim.

You come walking from your room, in clean clothes and your usual bright smile, "Hey guys!" you say with a wave. Heading towards the kitchen for coffee. Toji following suit,

"Hey baby", he wraps his hands around you grasping under your shirt "how'd you sleep?" He places a kiss to your cheek.

"I slept great", you turn to kiss him back.

"Mm tasty as always" he hums while bringing his hands higher, slightly groaning when he stops at under your breasts.

"Mwah MwAh MWAH", you hear Gojo and Geto mocking you two from the couch, 'pretending' to rub their hands on one another. Toji pulls away with a sigh and pats your hip,

"You're fucking perverts" he yells while reluctantly pulling his hands from you, heading back to the couch with you in tow.

As he sits, he yanks you to his lap, taking your coffee and setting it aside. "You can have that later, I wanna nap right now" Toji mumbles against your shoulder. His confidence when he acts and talks like this in front of people.. is astonishing. He's groped and grinded on you in a room full of strangers, with no music. Just rubbing against you like a dog.

"Um no, I need this. I have a busy day ahead, remember?"

"Hm"

"That was a yes or no question, dear" you say as you drink your coffee

Gojo and Geto spin to you, noting how Toji is unbothered by your remark. If anyone else said that, they'd lose their tongue. Naturally, watching Toji act like an obedient boyfriend is entertaining to them.

"Yes, I remember" he says dramatically, dropping his arm over his eyes while fake crying- you, remain unfazed. Only shocking your guests more. He's pouting and you're not bending to his will?

"Alright, knock it off" you pat his thigh and stand up, "I'm making breakfast, would you guys like some?" All of them nod and follow you into the kitchen.

As you cook, the 3 watch you gently flip the eggs, then curse at the bacon when grease splashes you, then go back it being gentle.

They can only think, 'this is some emotional roller-coaster Toji deals with', but when they look at him, he's in awe. He giggles when you cuss at objects and food, he thinks it's adorable.

Then several buzzes come from your phone, you ignore it but Toji picks up. "Hello?"

"Who is this?" The random person asks

"I think I'm supposed to ask who you are, Mr. Unknown number"

"It's miss to you. And I'm looking for y/n."

"She's busy right now, bye"

"Wait- is this Toji?"

"Why?" He grumbles

"Oh. My. God. How are you?! How's the girlfriend?"

"She's great, as always" he watches you slide around the floor with your socks, completely ignoring the words flying from the girls mouth.

"Hey, you remember that one night, Toji?" She finally asks in what sounds to be, a slutty tone? You hear her question and slow down to listen in.

"What do you mean?" He asks

"I mean, the one where you got plastered last weekend.. you came home with me and.. held me like you used to."

Finally, it clicks for him. His ex. It's the only explanation why you seem a little more hesitant with him, somewhat distant. You weren't inviting him over as much, or out on errands and parties.

"Last weekend?" He askes before you spin around to meet his gaze, eyebrows furrowed. Gojo and Geto turn to Toji, whose eyes have gone wide. He's confused as well, because like she said he was black out drunk kind of level. Enough where he missed your birthday party the next day, then somehow the following day when he said he'd make it up to you.

Knowing how he's been treating you so nicely for the last week, you didn't suspect anything. You genuinely believe he got too drunk to move for 2 days. But that nice treatment started almost 2 months ago.. no way he was fucking other women every weekend when he got drunk, right? And then coming over to kiss your ass, to make up for his mistakes?

"Don't you remember, daddy?" The girl asks, and your angry expression fell. When Gojo and Geto heard, they immediately stood up to defend him. Saying he was knocked out at their house the entire day, except not the second day Gojo added.

You left the room, as the two tried to follow you swatted them away, "I need a minute" then shut the door.

"Cmon y/n, open up" Geto speaks, Gojo is long gone trying to stop Toji from interrogating his ex, to focus on you. His woman.

Gojo tosses the phone, but only after a quick prayer it won't break, he'd rather Toji be the only murder victim today. Pushing him to your bedroom, and shoves him against the door.

"Baby? Cmon let me in, please? I swear I didn't see her last weekend or ever" he pleads

"What about the other weekends, huh?" You cry

"What about them?"

"I've gotten 10 texts saying the same thing in the past couple months, that you're out searching for women. 2 of them were even the same person" you scoffed, pinching the bridge of your nose.

Toji remained silent. Was he guilty? Absolutely not. Was he shocked you'd believe some hoes? Yes.

"I don't know what they're talking about baby, I really don't. We go out drinking then I pass out at these asshole's place. I promise." He plants his head against the door.

Geto, being even closer to you then Toji is, decides you acknowledging them isn't enough. "Would you say he's tough enough for an ass kicking?" Geto asks Gojo

"I'd say so, he at least deserves it for worrying her". Geto accepts that answer and bodyslams Toji, using him as a cushion to break the door open (yes, they did that earlier when you didn't answer).

When you turn, Gojo is laughing and Geto is smiling up at you while laying on your boyfriend. "How you feeling?" He asks, legs kicking back and forth, his hands holding up his chin.

"I'm fine, angry with him, but fine otherwise!" Toji feels a chill run down his spine at your words. 'Shit' he thinks. Geto steps all over him to stand, then Gojo walks over him to sit with you. Leaving Toji all alone on the ground.

"Are you sure?" Geto asks, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look in his eyes, trying to provoke your boyfriend. Of course Toji notices, and pulls you to the edge of the bed collapsing on your lap. He was spilling apologies and running circles against your legs.

"I'm not happy with you Toji." You push him off and walked out of the room, once again leaving him all alone on the floor.

"Soooo, did you really fuck other girls?" Geto asks

"I really didn't, but I've turned down alot of girls" he knows he's popular around town for being a slut, but it all stopped for you. Since then he finds himself only craving you, being tempted by you, and all you need to do is breathe the same air as him.

Toji stands with a grunt, turning to his friends. "Give me a minute, would ya?" They nod and he walks away, chasing after you.

"Baby? Where'd ya go?"

"..."

"Sweetie?" He approaches your figure sitting by the window

"..."

"Love of my life?" You scoff at that, making him physically wince. He's never gotten on your bad side before, ever. You've always forgiven him or come to an understanding before it got worse.

"I know I've said this already, but it's all I can say to defend myself. I promise I haven't been with anyone but you since we've met."

"Can't even keep up with your own lies, huh? Don't you remember? A week or so after meeting, we ran into each other when you were walking home with her."

"That was over a year ago baby, it didn't take long for me to fall for you and only you. You know that"

"Do I.. know that?"

He reaches for your hand, you let him take it just so he'd feel you shake. Feel your anger and sadness radiate off you, he needs to feel how insecure and unstable this relationship makes you feel.

The second he grabs it, he pulls you in and holds you. He takes a deep breath and you hear him shudder, how uneasy this is making him. "I don't know what they've been saying but they're lying, I promise. I swear I'm telling you the truth, y/n."

He wants you to cry or something, just anything but this.

"I just.. don't believe you, Toji"

He could feel the tears building, and he still wishes they were yours. You seem emotionless, like you've been thinking about him cheating for a while, like you're prepared.

"Why don't you?"

"Gojo said Sunday you weren't there, and you didn't respond to me all day. She didn't specify the day. We both know you were drinking both days, because Monday you were severely hungover. Friday's hangover wouldn't carry over that badly, that long."

"You're right about that" he chuckles, making up you sit up and seperate yourself. He's really laughing right now? "I mean, the last part. I was drinking Saturday too which is why I couldn't-"

"You mean, wouldn't."

"Right. Why I wouldn't come over like I said I would on Sunday. Then I drank more Sunday too."

"Regardless, where did you stay after blacking out? On the street? Inbetween your exes thighs? You definitely weren't at Suguru's. But you definitely were cleaned up Monday morning when you came over, so not the street. Hmm" you brought your finger to your chin, mocking him.

He simply couldn't think, he doesn't remember. He couldn't, he drank too much. He was getting frustrated and being made fun of like this is pushing it. "Fine. If you're not going to believe me, just break up with me. I can find someone else." Big mistake.

"Oh I'm sure you can. Can't even go out without asking for pussy, apparently."

"God you're such a child" his voice started raising, "you can't even listen to me! I've said sorry, I don't know how many times. Just accept it!"

"Exactly! That's all you've done. You aren't making an effort to think where you could've gone, you can't even try to prove them wrong. You're just excusing those 'lies' with a sorry! I'm not expecting you to stop the earth from spinning and rewind time, I'm just wanting you to think. At least try to convince me they're wrong, without saying 'I promise'." Toji knows your right, he does, but his tongue won't allow him to say it.

"Easy for you to say, when I thought you were cheating you didn't try either. You left me to solve it! Like I said, you're a child who's too scared to grow up. To take responsibility, to do something with their life. It's fucking ridiculous! I wonder sometimes, why.."

"Why what, Toji?"

"Why I stay with you" he yells.

"You know, it'd be nice if we could talk about your issues without covering it up with mine. Regardless, I did stop my world from spinning and ran with you. I left family, friends, even my fucking dog Toji, because you couldn't stand the idea of sharing a town with my ex fiancé."

"You know he wanted you"

"Yeah, maybe 4 years ago when he asked to marry me, you know he cheated and ran off with her."

"Then explain why he was all over you when we ran into him", why was he still yelling?

"You were there! He felt obligated to flaunt his already pregnant, soon to be wife, I begged you to stop the conversation and leave. You ignored me, Toji."

"You're such a fucking liar, that's not what happened" yes it was, why is he saying this "you can try to twist the narrative all you want but I saw what happened, the way you looked at him, the way you smiled." That's wrong, he knows you weren't happy. He felt it.

"If you think my faces and reactions then was love for him, then maybe this past year and my move was unnecessary. You should know my genuine smile because you see it every day. Besides the fact I've explained this to you and you've reassured me that you understood, we're moving off the current issue. You and-" your voice was still soft enough where his shouting completely blocked it out.

"Have you always been this insecure or is this a new thing? It's so stupid you can brush off your cheating but can't forget mine." An even bigger mistake.

"Oh so, you admit you did see her" your head drops, and a tear falls. Finally he comes to his senses, he feels like he's succeeded all because you're showing an emotion. While he's lost in his ego, you stand there crying. He's content, and you're crying alone. Reminds you of the weekends you spent without him, thinking about which girl will text you on Monday claiming he stayed with them.

Geto realizes Toji's yelling has stopped, but it's too quiet. He makes his way out to find you there silently crying, while Toji is standing a few feet away looking.. happy? He walks behind him and flicks Toji's ear, then goes to you. Using his sleeve to wipe off your tears and you gripped onto his shirt as he hugged you.

The scene in front of him sets Toji off, he knows why Geto is comforting you- it's because of him. Though it doesn't stop his next accusation,

"Seriously? Geto of all people? I'm disappointed in you y/n." You lift your head up and meet his glare, and his heart shatters at seeing you. You looked stressed and like you've been crying for hours when it's been minutes, you're shaking and clearly having problems breathing.

"Baby, I-" he's stopped when your shaky hands tells him to.

"I don't wanna see you, God I wanna throw up just looking at you." You left holding your stomach and shut your bedroom door, with Gojo inside. He immediately engulfed you in his big arms trying to calm you down, as Toji tries to make himself leave you be, but he can't. He goes towards the hall before Geto stops him, "nah you don't get to see her after that huge stunt."

Geto drags him back to the couch and babysits him until you come out. Surprise; you never did. You ended up crying yourself to sleep while Gojo told you the dumbest and longest story you've heard. He was sitting on the floor while you laid on your side with your head slightly off the bed, as he tried to learn how to braid.

Gojo texts Geto telling him you passed out not long after, plus sent him all the pictures of the different braids he successfully did (they ended up going home and Geto had Gojo braid his hair).

"Hey, she fell asleep" he nudged Toji, he doesn't hesitate to come back to you. He walked slowly and sadly into the room, but smiled when he saw your peaceful figure.

"You're a bitch Toji" Gojo said as he braided your hair one final time.

"I know"

"You don't deserve her"

"I know"

"But she wants to believe you"

"Of course she does" Toji sighed, laying across from you but trting to avoid touching you. "I want her to"

"It is the truth, right?" Toji nods before bringing his gaze back to your face.

"Alright then, you better work your ass off when she wakes up" Gojo says as he stands, "we'll head home and we can have dinner movies and games another day, huh? It'd be best if you spent the rest of the day together anyways."

"Sounds good. Sorry I ruined all our days, didn't mean to."

"Wow! Toji Fushigiro apologizing to me without being forced? My luck day" he ends with a loud laugh. "Text me when you wanna come back, if you make it out alive." With that, he waves goodbye and leaves.

After a while, Toji fell asleep still facing you, but not until after he cried. A couple of hours go by and you wake up from a nightmare, opening your eyes to find a wet faced Toji. The blanket underneath him was damp from his tears, and you could tell his nose was stuffy, causing him to breathe through his mouth.

You place your hand on his cheek, wiping it dry. He slowly opened his eyes and faintly smiled upon seeing you.

"Hi baby" he says as he kisses your hand

"Hi", he sighs against your palm. Content you're talking to him, touching him and looking at him. All are a win in his book.

"I'm sorry for saying all those things, I didn't mean a single one" he places a hand over yours, "just so you know I will stop the world from spinning and rewind time if it'll prove myself to you. I should've just said that instead of losing it. I'm truly sorry y/n."

"It's okay babe"

"Do you forgive me?"

"Fuck no, you're gonna have to work for that"

"Understood" he smiles and kisses your palm, "first I can go finish cooking. This time when your ex calls, you pick up the phone" he jokes.

"Not funny" you pull your hand away and roll off the bed.

"Awe too soon? And here I thought you got me" he chuckles

"Not too soon, you're just a bitch and all your jokes have lost their humor, for now." You kiss his forehead and head towards the bathroom.

"So she's gonna forgive me eventually, what'd you know" he says to himself before moving to his stomach, taking in the smell of you on your blankets. He hopes this never gets taken from him, and hes gonna do everything he can to keep you, for starters he's getting you a new phone and number.

A little longer than expected🥴 also debating how I like it haha, hope you enjoyed it though <3

#toji x reader #toji angst #jjk toji #jujutsu gojo #jjk geto #toji x reader fluff #toji x reader angst

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demonvibez · 7 months

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Impulsive

Characters: Lord Diavolo x GN! Reader Rating: Teen Tags: comfort, fluff, gn reader, MC uses magic, kissing Word Count: 4.3k+ A/N: Happy (Belated) Birthday to My Sweet Prince, Lord Diavolo ♡ I'd give him all three realms if I could, but for now, I'll settle for sharing this silly little fluff fic. This may be my favorite thing I've written so far, so I hope you all enjoy it as well!

Late was the hour at the House of Lamentation, when you find yourself tossing and turning in your slumber, your mind currently pulled into the depths of a rather vivid nightmare. It was one of those nightmares that just feels so real, filling your senses and sending you running from the unknown terror, your heart pounding as you run deeper into what looks like the House but feels like a maze. Surely there aren't this many hallways when you're awake?! And so many doors! You run to the end of the hall, ripping open the large double doors and running into the next...which seems eerily identical to the last. Except when you get to the end of the hall this time, you run into a dead end. Panic now striking your heart you turn to the window, only for it to vanish as you touch it. A crimson ooze begins to drip down the walls, and you can feel the shadow entity getting closer, your breathing becoming more erratic as your back presses into the corner. You're trapped. Something reaches out towards you from the abyss, it's sharp claws coming into view the closer it gets.

Just before it can grab you by the neck, you fully awaken from your night terror, pushing yourself to sit up in bed so that you may try to catch your breath. You hyperventilate for a moment, grabbing your chest with one hand as the other maintains a tight grip on the bed sheets as your eyes quickly dart around the room. You're awake, and you're okay. You snap your fingers to magically turn the lights up, so that you may inspect the room closer. Nothing on the walls - and you let out a relieved sigh. You sit with yourself for a moment, in an effort to allow your breathing to return to normal, before flinging your legs over the side of the bed and standing up. You cross the room and make your way over to the window near your desk. Reaching out to touch the window, a slight hesitation makes your hand tremble. As your fingertips touch the cool pane of the glass, you breathe out an even bigger sigh of relief. The window didn't disappear this time - you are definitely safe and back in your own reality.

So, why can't you shake this eerie feeling? That same looming anxiety that filled your mind as you were being chased by the shadow creature. You shake your head, trying to just will it away, as you pick up your jacket from the back of a chair and pull it on. You cross your arms to hug yourself as you walk back over to your bedside table. Eyeing your DDD on the charger, you reach down to pick it up, unlocking it and opening the contacts in one fluid motion. Before you can even process what you are doing, you are already dialing a number, the phone pressed to your ear as you sit down at the edge of the bed. It's not until you hear his voice at the other end of the line do you really register just what you're doing. The Future King of the Devildom murmurs your name, a slight hint of concern lacing his voice - he's surprised to hear from you at this time of night.

"Is something wrong? Are you alright," he asks you. He has no idea that the sound of his voice alone is so soothing to you. You let out a shaky breath that you had no idea you were holding, scooting back on the bed so that you can lean against the wall.

"Y-yeah...I'm okay...I-" you cut yourself off, your eyes briefly widening. Are you really bothering Lord Diavolo with your foolish little problems? It was just a nightmare, and you're awake now. You're sure the Prince has way more important things to worry about than the silly night terrors of a human. "I'm so sorry for bothering you, I know you must be busy wi-" he cuts you off by saying your name once again, this time with a slightly firmer tone.

"I've told you time and time again that you may come to me for anything, at any time," he reminds you. Softening his tone, he exhales before continuing, "Please. Tell me, what's wrong?" He truly meant it when he said you can come to him for anything. It warms his heart to think about you coming to him for help, especially when you have so many demons around you that are also willing to give you the world.

"It's...I just...it's gonna sound really stupid..." you trail off, as you fidget with the hem of one of your blankets.

"I assure you, nothing you could possibly say to me is ever going to be 'stupid.'" As you let out another exhausted sigh, you can hear the squeaking of his desk chair as he leans back against it. Lord Diavolo has always been very sweet to you, doing his best to accommodate all of your needs since you've dropped down into his realm. He always seems to have the answer to your problems, especially the more massive ones - what will it hurt to vent to him now?

"I...had a rather vivid nightmare. It felt so real to me..." You begin to describe your nightmare in great detail, not holding back any of the emotions that came along with it. Retelling this graphic tale almost makes you feel as though you are reliving it, and the crack in your voice pierces Diavolo's heart as you try to hold back tears while you finish your story. "And then I woke up," you say with a sniffle, "I guess I was quite shaken by it all, and I called you because...well, it was kind of an impulse to be honest, but I think I just really wanted to hear your voice," you admit, a rosy blush painting your cheeks. You were a bit glad Lord Diavolo couldn't see you right now - you aren't sure, but you probably look like a bit of a mess. Something else you are unaware of, is exactly how much your admission has effected the Young Prince. The idea that you instinctively sought him out for comfort is enough to get his heart racing, and now it is time for him to act on impulse - which is something he is rather good at.

"I'll be by the House of Lamentation to pick you up soon," he declares, the sound of his chair scuffing the floor ringing out across the phone line. Your eyes widen, and you jump up to stand on your bed in surprise.

"Uhhh...excuse me, WHAT?!?" There's no way he's serious. You hear his signature laugh, and now you know he's not joking.

"I'm coming to pick you up! A change of scenery is always a good idea after a nightmare - especially when the nightmare occurs where you're trying to sleep. I'll just leave a note for Lucifer, and bring you back to the Castle. This is going to be so much fun," he says excitedly. An impromptu sleepover with the Future King of the Devildom does sound like a fun idea - but doesn't he have more important things to do than to entertain you?

"Lord Dia-"

"AH! What did I say about using my titles when it's just us?" You can't help but to let out a tiny giggle, and it sends his heart over the Devildom moon.

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. I just don't want to be a burden on you. It's late, and I'm sure you have more important things to-"

"Nonsense," he cuts you off again. How can you possibly think you could ever be a burden to him? "I had just finished my work for the night when you called, and Barbatos hasn't even started the tea yet. We are just going to quickly portal over to you, and bring you back. It will be no trouble for us at all. Please, let me help you." Please, just let him take care of you. If you could see the look in his eyes right now, you'd see how much he yearns to pamper you with all of his affections. You spend so much time time and energy taking care of all of your demons, he wants so badly to be the one doing the same for you. Let him show you that he can be there for you, that he is capable of being your protector - even if it's from terrors created by your own mind.

"Okay...if you're really sure, then I'm game. Can you just give me like...five minutes?" He honestly doesn't have to ask you twice to hang out, you'll take any excuse to see Diavolo. You don't want to inconvenience him, but he's insisting, so why not take the gorgeous golden-eyed demon up on his offer? And even if you won't be able to fall back asleep, at least you'll have his company; his perfect smile, his soothing voice, the warm embrace of his hugs...

Before the Prince can even answer, he hears the sound of you jumping off of your bed and running around in your room. He can't help but to let out a small chuckle at how cute he thinks you are. He would tell you that there's no need to bother yourself, that you may come as you are - but as he finds himself in front of his own mirror, straightening his tie and hand-combing his hair, he relates to wanting to look impressionable for the person you're so deeply in love with. He's unsure if you return his feelings, but the idea of you scrambling around your room just to look cute for him for a surprise date has heat rising to his cheeks - which is ironic, seeing as you're doing exactly that.

"Of course! I'll send you a text just before we head over," he replies. Just after saying your goodbyes and hanging up, you race to your bathroom to freshen up your face. You had already tore off your jacket and discarded half of whatever other comfortable clothes you had worn to bed that night. Is this really about to happen?! Talk about a plot twist! One moment you're thrashing around in bed consumed with your nightmares, and the next your about to be picked up by the Future King to go hang out with him at the Demon Lord's Castle - your life can be such a rollercoaster at times.

You quickly wash your face at the sink, splashing the water in your face once more and staring into your owns eyes in the mirror, making sure this isn't also a dream. You've experienced nested dreaming a few times in your life, and it would sure as hell be disappointing if you weren't really about to see Diavolo. You shake your head, brushing off the thought, before turning off the water and exiting the bathroom.

You walk back across your room, and freeze in the doorway of your closet. The back of your closet is so dark - no matter how long you let your eyes adjust, the shadows casted in the back corners of the room still have this eerily ominous feeling. Your hand shakily reaches out towards the light switch, the hair on your arm standing up as anxiety courses through your veins. Just as you're about to flip the light switch on, a loud ding comes from your DDD, and you can't help but to jump. Your heart pounds in your chest for a few seconds before you remember why your phone had dinged - they must be on their way. Damn it! You're nowhere near ready! You flip the light on and start scrambling through your clothes, pulling out a pair of cute pajamas and putting them on.

Just as you are pulling the bottoms up to your hips, you hear a slight cracking sound coming from the hallway, followed by a low humming noise. Barbatos' portal - they must be standing outside. Just as you arrive at the door, you hear a light knock, and you open it to find the Prince standing there in his RAD uniform, fist still raised to knock a second time. Behind him you can see Barbatos still in Diavolo's room, on the other side of the portal, his back turned to you as he sets a tray of sweets down on the glass coffee table by the bed. You look up at the gorgeous demon in front of you, and you can't help but to smile as your eyes connect with his. And the way he smiles back down at you, with a radiance brighter than any Celestial sun, is enough to make a small flurry of butterflies dance around in your stomach.

"Hey there! Ready to go?"

"Yeah, one second. Just need to grab my jacket real quick-" you go to turn around and pick up your jacket that you had previously thrown onto the floor, but Diavolo's voice interrupts you once again.

"There's no need," he says in his usually jovial tone, "I can have Barbatos light the fireplace if you'd like." Just then, you see the Butler turn around and nod at you, before speaking to you through the portal.

"Yes, and I have just started steeping a fresh pot of Hellfire Rose Tea. We have plenty of warm blankets, fresh from the dryer. You will not go cold in our care," says Barbatos, his lips curving upward in a knowing smile. For half a moment you wonder to yourself if he already knows what the course of tonight's events will be, but you don't really have too much time to wonder about that right now.

"And of course, if all else fails, there is this." Looking down at his own chest, he starts unbuttoning his red RAD jacket. A blush creeps across your face as he unbuckles the golden belt and pulls the coat off of his large frame, holding it out for you to slide into. Your heart feels as though it is going to jump into your throat as you slide in your arms, the scent of Diavolo's cologne filling your senses as you pull the jacket tighter to your chest. The coat is rather baggy and long on you, but you feel so cozy that you don't even care.

"Thank you so much for all of this, Dia," you say with a light blush still on your cheeks as you look up at him bashfully. Hearing the little nickname you've given him, the Young Prince can't help but to blush as well. No one has ever been so informal with him; he hopes you'll use it more, the sound of it coming from your lips like music to his ears. You move to try to take a step forward, but your feet accidentally step on the bottom of the coat, causing you to stumble forward a little.

"Oops, I suppose I didn't take that into account. Here, let me help you with that." And before you can even ask, Diavolo bends down and scoops you up in his arms. You let out a small yip as you instinctively wrap your arms around his neck, your little human hands struggling to grip him through the oversized coat sleeves as he adjusts you in his hold. He turns around with you to walk back towards the portal, and you tap his shoulder to stop him for a moment.

"Wait! One sec..." With your right arm hooked around him, you raise your left, shaking it a bit so the sleeve falls down your arm. Your reach your hand out behind him, focusing all of your energy towards the DDD that you dropped on your bed earlier. You close your eyes, visualizing in your mind the phone rising up off the bed and floating into your hand. The more you focus on it, the stronger your intent becomes, and a surge of magical energy within you causes you to open your eyes back up just as the phone glides itself across the room and into your grasp. At the feeling of the phone's plastic case hitting your hand, your eyes widen in surprise as you let out a joyful laugh. "I can't believe it finally worked..." You show Diavolo the phone you just grabbed telekinetically, pride filling your chest and spreading to the smirk on your face.

"Nicely done! Seems as though your sorcery lessons are paying off." That same pride fills the Prince's chest, for you find new ways to surprise and impress him every day.

"Thanks, I've been working quite hard on that particular skill." You slide the phone into one of the coat's pockets before wrapping your arm back around him. He walks the two of you through the portal, and over towards the grey-striped couch next to his bed. The cracking noise of the portal closing rings out once again, the subsequent hum it produced now falling silent. The only sound currently filling the room is that of Barbatos arranging a tea set on the glass top of the coffee table, along with the slight squeak of the couch cushions as Diavolo sits down with you, setting you in his lap as he leans back into the corner of the couch. You unwrap your arms from around his neck, making yourself comfortable and leaning back against him, your cheek resting against his collar bone as you drape an arm across his torso. Diavolo wraps his arms around you, pulling you just a little bit closer, and your eyes flutter closed at the warm embrace. That is, until, you remember...

"Oh, fuck," you exclaim, your eyes snapping back open, "did we ever leave a note for Lucifer?" Sure, the Young Prince is best friends with the Avatar of Pride, but it's still usually better for you to ask for permission from Lucifer rather than forgiveness. The Morningstar is no stranger to handing down punishments - even to his favorite human. Diavolo looks down at you, and the look on your face must have been priceless, for you can feel the laughter building up and shaking his chest before ringing out into the open air.

"Yes, in fact, I sent him a text message before making my way over to you. The last thing we want is a concerned Lucifer tearing apart the realm looking for you." And the last thing Diavolo wants is an intrusion by the Eldest Demon Brother. Lucifer always prides himself on how well he looks after you, always stepping up to the plate when he is needed the most. And while he admires all of the traits that afford Lucifer's status as the Avatar of Pride and Right Hand of the Future King, Diavolo sometimes feels as though it hinders his ability to get closer to you. He does his best to mask his jealousy, but you don't miss the way he pulls you just a little bit tighter to his chest. You can feel a faint tingle coming from the location of Leviathan's pact mark, causing your eyebrows to slightly furrow. Was Lord Diavolo really feeling envious towards Lucifer? Over you? Your eyes quickly dart over to Barbatos, who is currently walking out of the bedroom door, most likely to fetch the pot of tea. As the sin continues to stimulate the sigil on your skin, you can only deduce that it must be Diavolo.

"Indeed, the last thing we want is for our time together to be cut short," you say, looking up into those gorgeous honey eyes of his, "At this point, I'm kinda glad I had that stupid nightmare..." The way he gazes down at you, so loving and full of affection, causes your heart to start beating at a rapid pace. You aren't sure if you're reading the situation correctly, but the moment just feels so...right. Impulse has led you both to this exact moment, and into the arms of the demon you've been pining over for so long. Perhaps your instincts will be right again this time.

Your hand floats up to cup his cheek, and immediately you can feel him lean into your touch. You hear him murmur your name, spoken in a tone laced with a longing you hadn't heard from him before. You both lean into each other, your lips meeting in a kiss that you both felt like you had waited an eternity for - like you both had been trekking across a barren desert, and you finally found an oasis in each other. Your hands glide up so they lace through his hair, as he pulls you so you're facing him, his hands resting on your hips. You lightly nibble his bottom lip, at which you can feel his large hands give your hips a little squeeze, and he obliges you by deepening the kiss that you're both so entranced by.

You're both so lost each in other's tender embrace, wanting so badly for the moment to continue on endlessly, that you don't even hear Barbatos re-enter the room. The Butler was really doing his best not to interrupt the two of you - he was happy to finally see the Young Master making progress with you, in regards to his admiration. Neither of you had heard the sounds of the door opening and closing shut, so he was a little surprised that the sound of the teaspoon clinking on the glass tabletop is what grabbed your attention. You jump a little bit, your nose bumping into his slightly, before looking over your shoulder to see Barbatos with an amused look on his face - you erupt into laughter, with the other two following soon after.

"My apologies, I did not mean to interrupt the two of you. However, the tea is ready, along with a few snacks that I have prepared that I know you are both fond of." You give Diavolo a little peck on the cheek, causing him to have the goofiest grin in all three realms, before sliding off of his lap and sitting next to him. Your hands have a slight tremble from all of the excitement, and the last thing you want to do is spill scorching hot Hellfire Rose Tea all over Diavolo and yourself. You reach for the cup of tea Barbatos prepared for you, about to take a sip as the Butler hands a plate of sweets to the Prince.

"Would you like for me to enchant the tea? To ensure that your nightmares will cease," he asks, as he crosses the room to put some music on the record player, turning the volume down so that it may play in the background.

"No," you say with a slight blush, your eyes darting to Diavolo from behind your teacup, "I have Dia now, so I think I'm good." You smirk as you take a sip, maintaining eye contact with Diavolo as he takes a bite into his Hellfire Mushroom Rolled Cigar Cookie, the blush spreading across his tan face as your words sink in.

The two of you spend quite a bit of time together that night, just sitting in each other's arms and talking about everything and nothing. It started off just chatting in more detail about the contents of your nightmare, but quickly digressed into talking of your fears, your dreams, your ambitions, your aspirations. Diavolo has never connected with another being like this before, and he's all the more glad he gets to grow such a connection with you. And while he listens to your voice, he comes to the realization that there's no one else he'd rather bare his infernal soul to in all three realms. His visions of the future always have you in it, and he couldn't be happier to hear that you feel the same way. You both continue to exchange stories of your fondest memories, making plans to create new memories together in the future.

Just as Diavolo gets halfway though his story - one of the many tales of him causing chaos to then sneak out of the Castle - he feels the weight of your cheek fall against his shoulder. Your breathing steady and one of your hands gripping his shirt as you accidentally fall asleep in his lap. Between his soothing voice, the soft lull of the music, and feeling completely safe in his arms, you couldn't help but to drift off to dreamland. And he can't help but to just sit and watch you for a moment; you look so beautifully at peace in your slumber, he wants to etch it into his mind permanently. He eventually picks you up as gently as possible - you only stir once or twice. The first time at the motion of him picking you up; the second when he sets you down on his bed and you subconsciously miss the feeling of his warm embrace as he goes to quickly change his clothes.

He slides into bed next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close to him, your back pressing up against his chest. As your feel his warmth envelop you, you turn over to face him, one of your arms wrapping around him as well while you're only half awake. He lays on his back, pulling you on top of him, and you lightly nuzzle his chest and mumble an 'I love you' before you fall back fully asleep again. Diavolo's heart feels so full - he never knew three simple words could mean so much to him. He presses a kiss into the top of your head before laying back and shutting his eyes, happier than he's ever been in his life. And while he doesn't want you having anymore nightmares, he'd give anything to spend the rest of his nights like this with you.

· demonvibez ♡ 2023 · do not copy, repost or modify · · likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! ♡ ·

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rosylix · 27 days

Text

chaotic, my heart is off time

a certain dare leads jisung to discover he may not be as straight as he thinks he is or: felix is really pretty and jisung is confused

pairing: jilix (jisung × felix)

wc: 12.2k

content: college au, fluff, smut, a little angst, they are both awkward cuties tbh, alcohol, passing mention of drugged drink. slight inexperience, extremely platonic handjobs between bros, switch!felix kinda?, sub!jisung semi-awakening, jisung has a lot of feelings that scare him, depictions of anxiety/minor panic attack, sexuality crisis, includes texting screenshots (mainly at the end)

[also read on ao3]

—

It's all Hyunjin's fault, really.

Jisung has nothing else to blame except his innate stupidity and the one too many drinks he had downed that are making him act even more stupid, if that's even possible.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. This whole thing is just so stupid.

That's the only thought in his head as he wanders the house of whichever classmate is hosting this party (probably one of Chan's friends, he knows everyone), searching for someone who would be down to let him give them a handjob without it being awkward or weird.

He should've known truth or dare was a terrible idea.

“Hm… I dare you to give someone a handjob,” Hyunjin had said with a smirk. “It can be anyone at the party.”

Jisung blinked. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“But how will you even know, like…”

“I'll know,” he said simply, and gave him an unsettling look like he knew something Jisung didn't.

And that was it. Jisung was pushed out of the room, practically sent to the wolves to complete the dare before midnight. He felt like a fucked up rendition of Cinderella or something.

A handjob? Really, Hyunjin? Jisung doesn't even swing that way and yet he can't find it in himself to back down from the dare. He knows it's a problem, his inability to admit defeat when faced with a challenge. Not to say that the alcohol buzzing through his system isn't playing a part as well. It definitely is.

Jisung lightly slaps himself and mentally tells himself to get a grip, dude. It's just a handjob between bros. A totally chill and normal endeavor! He doesn't know why he's making such a big deal out of it (he's definitely done weirder things before) but something about the idea is making a weird nervous feeling creep through his system.

It's fine. It's literally not a big deal. I'm sure the guys wouldn't even mind getting jerked off, he tells himself as he continues looking around (definitely not stalling) from the corner he's found himself nestled in. Ultimately, he decides that in order to have the least awkward situation possible he should try to find someone he's friends with rather than a random stranger. He goes through his list of friends he's comfortable with.

Chan? No. God, no. Jisung cringes immediately after thinking it. Chan's like a friend, brother, and parental figure all in one to Jisung. Even if he might agree to help, Jisung does not even want to entertain the thought any longer. He shudders.

Changbin? Uh… maybe? He was there at the truth or dare game so he already knows the situation. But he was also giving Hyunjin googly eyes the entire time so maybe not. Blegh.

Minho? Jisung thinks this is probably his best bet. Worst case, his hyung will laugh at his situation and turn him down kindly. But he trusts Minho to not let it become awkward between them either way.

Still, he should probably think through his other options. Obviously not Hyunjin… Jeongin? Even though he knows he's not, Jisung still sees him as a pure, innocent kid, he can't help it. Something about it just inherently feels wrong, he's like his little brother. Absolutely not.

So then, Seungmin? Honestly Jisung isn't totally averse to the idea… but Seungmin is his roommate and he would never be able to escape if things become awkward. So, no.

He doesn't know how long he's been standing there, probably looking pretty creepy he suddenly realizes, when a hand snaps in front of his face.

He blinks. When he looks up he sees a mildly annoyed Seungmin staring at him. Speak of the fucking devil.

"That was my drink, you know."

Oh. Jisung looks down at the drink he's holding—huh, when did he grab that?—and looks back up at Seungmin with an apologetic expression.

"I was wondering where this came from, sorry Min."

Seungmin waves it off. "That's so like you to just pick up any drink. You're lucky it was mine and not, like, some random person's." He pauses. "Or drugged."

Jisung laughs nervously. "Yeah uh, you're right, I'll be more careful." He straightens up. "Thank you for sacrificing your drink for the greater good," he says solemnly with a bow.

Seungmin rolls his eyes. "Yeah sure, anytime." He pauses. "Are.. you alright though? You've been standing here spaced out for a while but you usually love to go around annoying everyone. I would know, unfortunately." Another small roll of his eyes, then tilting his head to the side, he offers a light smile. "If you want we can go home and just watch Netflix or something?"

Of course Seungmin can tell something's up. Jisung isn't always the most comfortable in larger social gatherings with people outside his immediate friend circle. He much prefers to stay in his room and binge watch YouTube videos until he passes out, something his roommate is well aware of. Jisung appreciates the concern even if that isn't the current cause of his worries.

Still, he doesn't really want to bother Seungmin with his current predicament. "Aww, is my little Minnie worried about me~? I knew you cared about meee!" Jisung drawls, draping himself slightly over the taller boy in a messy embrace.

"Shut up, oh my god you're so annoying." Seungmin pushes him away but Jisung doesn't miss the slight pull at the corners of his mouth. "Anyway, I was serious. I was gonna go bother Old Man Chan but if you wanna leave that's cool too. You seemed really out of it earlier. Just staring at this thing like it would give you life's secrets." He grabs the can from Jisung's hand and grimaces after taking a sip, muttering something about alcohol ruining the perfectly good taste of lemonade before handing it back to Jisung.

While the offer to just bail on the party and his dare is tempting, Jisung doesn't want to give up like that. His pride and dignity are on the line here. "Oh uh, I mean, it's nothing really. Just another one of Hyunjin's weird dares, I can handle it. But thanks Seungie."

He tries to give a reassuring smile but it must have come off a bit nervous anyway because Seungmin gives him a cut-the-crap look. "Okaay, but still, you never get this worked up over his dares. What did he say to do this time? I'm sure it can't be worse than that time you licked—"

Jisung's eyes widen and he immediately slaps a hand over the taller boy's mouth. "Oh my god Seungmin, we don't talk about that. That was quite possibly the worst thing I've ever done." He groans at the memory.

Seungmin laughs and pushes his hand away. "Yeah that was pretty bad. So? It can't be as bad as that right?"

Jisung bites his lip, damn it, he was hoping Seungmin would drop it. He doesn't even know why he's getting so in his head about the dare, he's sure Minho or one of the others will be fine with it once he explains the situation. What's a brojob between bros, right? Right?

Shit, Seungmin is still waiting for an answer. Should he just tell him? He's comfortable enough with him that it wouldn't be that weird. But.. he just can't bring himself to. "Hmm… I don't know. I mean it's a little weird but at least I won't have to do this one in front of other people. No public embarrassment this time if that's what you were hoping for," he says around a grin that thankfully comes naturally.

Seungmin frowns and opens his mouth to say something when he's waved over by a smiling Jeongin. He smiles back, then turns back to Jisung, who doesn't fail to notice the light dusting of pink on his cheeks. Oh? He's definitely gonna tease Seungmin for that later. "Alright, well if you're sure you're okay I'll leave you to it but you're telling me all about this later. And if it's really that bad then don't do it, okay? Hyunjin wouldn't force you to do anything if you really don't want to."

“I know… thanks,” Jising smiles genuinely. “Uh—completely unrelated—have you seen Minho hyung anywhere?”

Seungmin raises an eyebrow but shakes his head. “I heard from Chan that he left already. Something about his cats he said. Why?”

Jisung's heart sinks. There goes his only real hope. “No reason…” he shakes his head and puts on a smile again. “Um, I think your boyfriend's waiting.” He points to Jeongin with a small smirk.

Seungmin's ears turn scarlet as he sees who Jisung is pointing to. His head snaps back wildly. “My what— we're not—”

Jisung puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, my bad, my bad… I didn't say anything.”

Seungmin narrows his eyes. “No, you didn't. Bye!” And he runs off in Jeongin's direction, leaving Jisung alone with his—well really Seungmin's—drink.

Jisung leans back into his corner, thoughts going rampant. Minho, his only saving grace, already left. What does he do now!? Obviously he knows Hyunjin would never force him into doing the dare if he's really uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean Jisung wouldn't be embarrassed for not being able to! And it's not that he doesn't want to, he's just… worried. Worried that it'll be too weird and awkward and Jisung really doesn't want to mess up any of his friendships. Not to mention his… limited experience. Sure, he has some experience with girls but with a guy? Obviously not. What if he's like, really, really bad??

Whatever! If Jisung is anything, he's not a coward. In a sudden rush of adrenaline, he tips his head back, downs the rest of Seungmin's drink, and seeing as all his friends are out of the question, he decides to walk over to the first male specimen he lays his eyes on. What could go wrong?

Oh. Of course everything could go wrong. He realizes his grave mistake when he notices the unmistakable head of blond hair in his vision. Felix. Pretty boy and literal innocent ball of sunshine.

Felix had recently transferred from Australia, and while he was super friendly whenever they talked, they weren't incredibly close. Not that Jisung doesn't want to be, it just takes him a while to warm up to new people. And they only share one class together. Still, they do talk a lot in that class, and he probably hasn't gotten comfortable with someone that fast since Minho hyung, Jisung realizes with some surprise.

But that wasn't the issue. From what he could tell (from a few truth or dare rounds from previous parties), Felix became really shy whenever the topic was even slightly sexual. He definitely wouldn't want to go along with Jisung's dare, and would probably be uncomfortable even talking about it. The last thing Jisung wants is to make anyone uncomfortable, least of all Felix.

He moves to turn around but it seems the blond has already noticed him approaching by the way he breaks out into a smile and waves. Jisung silently curses his dumb impulsiveness as he continues making his way to the other boy. It's fine. He can just act normal, talk with Felix for a bit and then go find someone else.

But when he arrives and sees Felix up close, Jisung's mind goes blank. With truly striking timing, the single brain cell he'd been clinging to all night decides to abandon him and he just stares for a few seconds.

Finally, his brain decides to award him a single staggering thought: Oh, he looks really pretty.

Felix looks back at him, bright smile still reaching his eyes, which are shimmery and lightly lined with eyeliner. And oh, Jisung is just standing here like an idiot, which he is, but god, he's really been acting more idiotic than usual.

"Uh, hey Felix!" he says and cracks a hesitant smile.

"Yo, my twin! What's up?"

Jisung laughs and immediately relaxes a little. They had found out that their birthdays are only one day apart during a lame icebreaker in class. "Just… wanted to say hi. How're you liking the party? It's only, what, your second or third one here? Chan's parties are always the best."

"It's cool! And yeah, Chris—I mean, Chan hyung's like totally awesome. At first I was intimidated by him but when I found out he's a fellow Aussie I almost cried on the spot. I definitely wouldn't have adjusted as well if not for him." Felix looks away and smiles to himself, to Jisung's relief. He was admittedly having a hard time maintaining eye contact with Felix's bright eyes constantly glittering up at him.

“I know what you mean. He's saved my life more than once.” Jisung chuckles. Then he figures he should escape before he inevitably makes a fool of himself. “Uhh, anyway I just wanted to check in and say hi but I guess I'll get going…”

“So soon? I was thinking of checking in with you actually.”

Jisung blinks. “You… sorry?”

“You've just been standing over there for the past twenty minutes or so", Felix points to the corner Jisung was lurking in earlier. "Even I know that's kinda uncharacteristic of you. I was getting worried. And then you just came speeding towards me like a man on a mission."

“You were watching me that whole time!?” Jisung all but shrieks.

“Ah, um…” Felix rubs his neck. “Not the whole time but… yeah.” He shrugs, “Sorry, is that weird? I was just worried about you.”

Jisung feels his heart swell from the kindness of this boy he's not even incredibly close with. He should make an effort to talk to him more often outside of class. “No it's… it's nothing. We were playing truth or dare and Hyunjin gave me a pretty strange dare so I've just been, y'know, thinking about how to get out of it I guess." He laughs and shrugs.

Felix hums. "Is it as bad as when Hyunjin made you lick the—"

Jisung's mouth drops open and he instinctively covers Felix's mouth with his hand. "Oh my god, Felix! How do you even know about that!?"

Felix shrugs. "Your friends seem to love telling embarrassing stories about you." Jisung feels him laugh under his hand, and his face warms when he realizes where that hand still is. He quickly pulls it back and instead uses it to bury his head in, partly to hide the red on his face and partly because he, quite simply, would like the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

The universe wouldn't be so kind as to grant him that though. Jisung would have gladly spent the next thirty minutes reliving embarrassing moments in his life (unfortunately there is no shortage of these) and wanting to die but the sound of Felix giggling tempts him to peek between his fingers.

"Don't worry, they haven't told me much else," Felix says, the teasing smile remaining on his face. "But I do know about when you publicly asked Ryujin out only for her to tell you she's a lesbian—"

"Whoa, hey!" Jisung retorts, his hands now up in the air. "Yeah, that was embarrassing but it wasn't that bad! How was I supposed to know she's not into guys? Well, okay, maybe it's pretty obvious and I'm just a dumbass but still!" Jisung pouts. "Can we not talk about my failed attempts at romance anymore?"

Felix laughs. "Sure, you never told me what crazy dare you got from Hyunjin this time,” he tilts his head curiously.

Damn, Jisung almost forgot about why he's in this situation in the first place: that stupid dare that's making his mind run in circles. “Haha, well, it’s… it's nothing.” He says oh-so eloquently.

Felix pouts. “I'm so curious now. Can’t you tell me, please?”

Jisung's heart stutters a bit at the way the other's lip juts out. Cute. “I-It's just…” he sighs. How is he supposed to say no to that face? “Um.. he dared me to… to give someone here a… a handjob…?” It comes out like a question for some reason.

Felix's eyes widen. “Oh.” He pauses and Jisung feels like he already messed things up. He's just about to change the subject when Felix speaks again. “Were you… gonna ask me..? Is that why you came up to me?” he asks hesitantly.

Jisung waves his hands around frantically. “No! No, I mean—” He cringes. “Kind of..? I kind of wasn't thinking and just went to the first person I saw, but when I recognized you I changed my mind, I swear!”

For some reason, this only makes Felix look sad. “You didn't want to because it was me..?” he asks quietly.

“I-I mean—it's just, you're—...”

“I'm what, Jisung..?” Felix looks hurt.

Jisung doesn't know what to do. He thought he was being considerate of Felix by not wanting to do this with him but Felix seems upset?? God, what did he do!?

“N-No, it's not you, I mean, it's not that I don't like you! I just figured you'd be uncomfortable or something so…”

“Oh.” Thankfully, Felix seems slightly placated. “W-Well, I'm not, so…”

Jisung blinks. “Um, you're not.. What do you mean…” he laughs nervously.

“I'm not uncomfortable. I'll let you… if you want… I don't, um, mind.”

Jisungs mouth falls open and he gapes at Felix. Surely, he misheard. “A-Are you serious?”

“Mhm…” Felix nods, his face pink.

“Um.” Jisung blinks rapidly as his brain practically short circuits at what Felix is saying. He's okay with it?! Jisung swears he must be losing his mind. This is a dream, right? There's no way he would actually agree to this. His brain suddenly conjures up images of what it would be like to touch Felix in that way. Oh my god.

Unsure if Felix notices Jisung's brain melting out of his skull, he's snapped back to reality when he hears Felix hesitantly ask, “Do you not want to..?”

“No! I mean, yes? I mean, it's just a little weird, you know? But you'd be doing me a favor I guess, so… yeah. Um, if you're sure you're okay with it?” Jisung swallows.

Felix's lips turn up slightly and he nods, effectively quelling the anxiety that had been bubbling up in Jisung's stomach. And, wow, he must be more tipsy than he thought because suddenly he thinks Felix looks even more beautiful than before.

Jisung's heart stutters inexplicably again. He nods. “Okay, let's um, go somewhere?” He grabs Felix's hand.

—

The two of them find an empty bedroom and Jisung locks the door behind them as they walk in.

Jisung shuffles onto the bed somewhat awkwardly, Felix joining him slowly. They sit like that for a few seconds and Jisung notices Felix fidgeting with his hands slightly.

Jisung decides to break the silence. "Um." Felix lifts his head. "You know you don't have to do this right? Like, really, really don't have to," he laughs nervously.

Felix nods, "Yeah I... I know, thanks." He gives a soft smile. "I guess I'm just a little nervous? I don't know."

Jisung bites his lip. "Have you ever..?"

Felix looks back down at his hands. “Um… a few times back in Australia but, like, not that far."

“Oh okay. You always seem so shy about the topic so I thought..”

Felix blushes slightly. “I went to a catholic school, so I'm just.. not used to talking about it so openly I guess,” he shrugs.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I've never done this before,” Jisung admits. Felix looks up in what looks like shock. "I mean—! I mean, never with a guy. I'm uh, y'know, I'm straight."

Felix blinks for a second. He nods slowly.

"Anyway! It's not a big deal right? Are—are you sure you're still okay with this?"

“Um.. if you are.”

“Yeah, well, I'm not really the one with a choice here..” Jisung laughs.

Felix frowns. “Of course you have a choice. Why would your friend dare you to do this anyway if you're straight?? That's kinda weird.”

“Is it..? I feel like it's… I mean, it's not really a big deal. Just a brojob between bros. It doesn't have to be weird, right?”

“A bro—...” Felix coughs out a laugh. “R-Right. If you're sure.”

Jisung nods. “Yeah. Are you?”

Felix nods as well.

"Okay, should I just, um," Jisung shifts so he's closer to Felix and reaches for the other's thigh. He's kind of at an odd angle though, so, without thinking much about it, he swings a leg over Felix so he's sitting in the other's lap.

Felix just stares up at him with wide eyes. Shit, did he make things too weird? "Uh.. is this okay?"

Felix blinks and clears his throat. "Yeah. You can, um, start. I'll tell you if I want you to stop," he says quietly.

"Okay," Jisung whispers, afraid to break whatever strange atmosphere has settled around the two of them.

He tried to sound confident earlier but god, he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Unable to bear looking into Felix's eyes any longer, Jisung looks down and slowly, hesitantly slides his hand up Felix's leg and presses against the front of his jeans.

Felix lets out a huff of air so Jisung does it again, working over Felix's jeans until he's breathing heavily and Jisung can feel a more prominent bulge under his fingers.

"Um should—can I take these off?"

Felix lets out a shaky breath. "Yeah."

Jisung undoes the button and pulls down the zipper almost painstakingly slowly. He can feel the younger's eyes on him but he refuses to meet them. Once it's fully unzipped, Felix shifts and lifts his hips up so Jisung can pull his pants and boxers down.

And oh my god. Jisung didn't think that he would literally ever think this about another guy's dick but it looks almost... pretty? He just stares for a few moments, unsure of how to proceed when his head feels fuzzy with radio static.

Felix shifts nervously under Jisung's gaze. "Jisung..." It's almost a whine and fuck, since when did Felix sound that pretty? He swears his name has never sounded prettier on someone else's lips.

But shit, right, Felix is right in front of him, Jisung is basically on top of him, and he's waiting for Jisung to touch him.

So he does.

As soon as he wraps his fingers around Felix and starts to move, the younger shudders and sighs quietly. Having literally no other experience, Jisung just tries to do what does on himself. He slides his hand up and down slowly, and when he swipes his thumb over the tip, Felix lets out a little moan that prompts Jisung to look at his face for the first time since they started. And oh.

Felix's eyes have fluttered shut and his eyebrows are slightly furrowed. He's flushed, mouth hanging slightly open as he draws in shallow breaths. Jisung doesn't know what to do besides stare and keep moving his hand as he tries to commit the image in front of him to memory.

Felix bites his lip and grips the sheets when Jisung goes over the head again and holy shit, he's leaking so much. Jisung doesn't really know what he's doing but he supposes he's doing it right by the way Felix is breathing heavily through his nose, lips pressed shut. Jisung wishes he wouldn't try to be quiet.

"Felix." He looks up, and fuck, Jisung didn't think this through because now Felix is looking at him, eyes dark and heavy, and Jisung hears static again.

"Yeah? Ahh—" He moans before pressing his lips and eyes shut again.

Fuck.

"Don't—don't cover your noises."

Felix looks at him with an unreadable expression that makes him think he overstepped for a second, but then he slowly nods and complies, letting out more and more of those pretty little sounds that are making Jisung lose his mind.

On one particular stroke Felix tips his head back and cries, "Fuck, Jisung, please.."

Jisung seriously thinks he might pass out. "You're so pretty."

Felix shivers and whimpers, eyes shut tightly and Jisung literally has no clue what possessed him to say that but after seeing Felix's reaction he sure isn't planning on stopping any time soon.

"So pretty." A little noise from the back of Felix's throat. He feels like he's under a spell, words just falling out of his mouth. "S-So beautiful like this, making the prettiest sounds. Baby..."

Felix gasps into Jisung's chest, cock twitching as he lets out an embarrassed keening noise. One of his hands comes up to grasp Jisung's arm for leverage.

Until now, the hand not on Felix's cock has been just sitting on the bed, so Jisung tentatively brings it to Felix's waist. And holy fuck his waist is so small but at the same time Jisung could feel well defined abs through his shirt and how is Felix even real?

He hesitantly slips his hand under the hem of Felix's shirt, who gasps at the sudden skin contact.

"Is this okay?"

Felix nods and Jisung feels his breath catch when a small hand covers his own, guiding it further along his torso in a silent plea to keep going.

He continues to explore the expanse of Felix's body in awe as the younger drops his hand to grip at Jisung's thigh instead. He's panting heavily and letting soft moans and whimpers slip past his lips with every drag of Jisung's hands along his cock or abdomen.

Jisung trails the hand on Felix's chest higher until he slowly, experimentally brushes over his nipple. Felix arches his back into Jisung's hand and his head tips back as he moans so fucking low in his throat it really shouldn't be possible.

Jisung watches Felix shake under him as he rubs his thumb in circles over the nub before moving to the other one. He starts letting out desperate little whines, the stark contrast from his low moans leaving Jisung's head reeling.

"Fuck, fuck, I can't—m'gonna—"

Jisung takes it as a sign to redouble his efforts, stroking faster until Felix is gasping, "please please, Jisung, please," and it's all Jisung can do to stare dumbly as he moans and cums in streaks of white that slide down Jisung's hand. He works him through it, pulling his hands away once the younger's breathing has calmed down a bit.

For several seconds, they just sit there, sharing heavy breaths. Unable to meet the other's eyes, Jisung stares at his hand, covered in Felix's release. He almost wants to lick it which—okay, what the fuck. He isn't going to think about where that thought came from right now.

He takes a deep breath and grabs a tissue from the nightstand.

Felix does the same. Jisung finishes wiping his hand and looks up to see that Felix is also cleaned up, and after pulling his pants back up he hides his face in his hands.

Jisung's heart sinks. He ruined everything didn't he? "Um.. are you okay? I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable—"

Felix's head lifts up, eyes wide. "No! No, I mean, wouldn't it have been more uncomfortable for you? I'm just embarrassed," he says, cheeks red and looking to the side.

"Huh?? Why are you embarrassed?" Jisung says incredulously. If anyone should be embarrassed, it's Jisung for getting so wrapped up in the dare. Saying all those things to Felix, telling him to not be quiet, calling him baby?? He feels like he's on fire from embarrassment, hot and flushed all over.

"What do you mean? You're not the one who was just begging like a little bitch. Fuck, I'm so sorry." He drops his head back into his hands.

Jisung taps his chin thoughtfully. "You have a praise kink," he says observantly.

Felix flushes and gasps. "I do not! " He lunges forward and Jisung's not entirely sure what happened but suddenly he's on his back and Felix is on top of him and it feels good and he moans when the other boy presses into him, what the fuck?

What the fuck.

Felix stares down at him with wide eyes and Jisung's positive he's bright red right now. What the fuck, he's hard? Just from touching Felix? This was absolutely not part of the plan. What the fuck. He closes his eyes and desperately wishes for the soft bed covers to consume him so he would never have to face Felix or anyone ever again.

Alas, he hesitantly opens his eyes and Felix is still hovering on top of him. Why, why, why hasn't he moved yet? Jisung can't even try to run away. There's truly no escape, he'll just have to face this hell that he created for himself.

Right when he opens his mouth to sputter out an apology or something, he isn't really sure, Felix moves against him again and it just feels so good and Jisung fucking moans again.

Felix inhales sharply. "Sorry, oh my god I shouldn't have— Are you—? Fuck— Do you want me to like… Like I wouldn't mind if— Since y'know... But should I stop?" he stutters.

Jisung doesn't know what stupid sex hormones he's drunk on, or maybe he's still feeling tipsy from the lemonade earlier because he's struck with the vague and inexplicable urge to kiss the boy on top of him.

Or maybe that's just the effect Felix has on him.

"Kiss me..?" He mumbles and subsequently watches Felix's eyes widen along with his own. He slaps his hand over his mouth in horror.

"No wait, fuck, I didn't mean to say that, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid—"

Now Felix's hand is the one to cover Jisung's stupid mouth and he squeezes his eyes shut both in embarrassment and a weird surge of arousal at the feeling of having his mouth covered which he is not going to think about right now.

"I.. can do that… if you really want me to?" Felix says while looking back and forth between Jisung's eyes, like he's searching for something.

Jisung's brain short circuits and he barely registers nodding or saying yes but he must have because it's all too fast how Felix is leaning down and their faces are inches apart and all Jisung can think about is how soft and pretty the other boy's lips look and is it normal to be thinking that—?

Felix kisses him sweetly, almost a little too sweetly considering the situation, and Jisung parts his lips instinctively. The kiss deepens quickly and Jisung gasps against the other's mouth when his thigh presses against the front of Jisung's pants.

"Is this okay still?" Felix asks gently. He looks so fucking ethereal above him like this it makes Jisung want to cry.

He nods. "Please don't stop."

Felix inhales shakily and nods before leaning back down, this time his lips attaching to Jisung's neck as his leg presses back against him.

Jisung can't help the noise that escapes him, he feels floaty already with just being touched through his clothes like this.

“You can.. pretend I'm a girl or something,” Felix whispers as his mouth travels down his neck. Right. Right, that's probably why Jisung is feeling this way. Felix is so pretty, almost like a girl and he must be getting confused, it's only natural, right? But for some reason Jisung really really doesn't want to imagine Felix as a girl.

“I-Is that what you did with me?” Jisung asks through a gasp as Felix bites his neck.

“Um, well, I'm bi so..” he looks up bashfully.

“Oh. Right, okay.” So Jisung's the only one who's weird here for enjoying this. Cool. He's not left much time to dwell on it because Felix's hand starts snaking down to press over Jisung's clothed dick, which at this point is embarrassingly hard and straining against his pants.

Felix toys with the button and raises his head, meeting Jisung's eyes to ask for permission. Jisung gives a little nod, nervousness and excitement bubbling together as Felix undoes the button and zipper and finally, finally, touches him for real.

Jisung hadn't realized he'd been waiting for so long.

His head falls back when Felix touches him and he's barely even doing anything yet but it feels unreal. He has the fleeting thought that maybe this is exiting platonic brojob territory and becoming something he's entirely unequipped to deal with. Maybe even since the kiss, or when he called Felix pretty, but he doesn't have the mental capacity to think too hard about it right now or even care. All his thoughts fly out the window when Felix's mouth finds his own again.

"Need you to stay quiet for me, I think I hear people outside," Felix murmurs against his lips, his voice impossibly low. Jisung hadn't even noticed he was making sounds.

"Don't want anyone else hearing you like this," Felix continues, muffling Jisung's moans with his mouth as he keeps moving his hand up and down his length slowly. Where the hell did he learn to talk like that?! The increasingly deep timbre of his voice was not doing Jisung's sanity any favors.

Felix must deem the hallway clear now because he removes his mouth from Jisung's, and Jisung is back to moaning abashedly.

“D-Does it feel good?” Felix asks, as if he's unsure of himself. Jisung squeezes his eyes shut. Is it not obvious from the way he's reacting?

“I just—wanna make sure I'm doing okay.”

“It feels—oh god—really good.”

Felix grins shyly. “Yeah?”

Jisung brings a hand up to cover his mouth and nods. He can feel himself getting close embarrassingly fast. He starts to whine and his hips stutter a bit into Felix's hand. “Please..”

Felix leans down and presses his lips to Jisung's throat again. He bites down, not enough to leave a mark but it feels dizzyingly good nonetheless. Jisung's never had someone overpower him like this before. He feels completely at Felix's mercy. It makes him shiver.

“Jisungie, you're so…” Felix murmurs into his skin, lips trailing along his collarbone.

Jisungie. His heart wobbles at the nickname and he can't help but whine. Felix is driving him insane. “Felix I think I'm—aahh, Felix, Lix..”

He pulls away from Jisung's neck with a smack. “Yeah, Sungie?”

“C-Can you—..” he looks at Felix's lips pleadingly.

Felix immediately presses his lips to his in a passionate kiss. Jisung moans into it and before he can properly warn Felix or anything, he's cumming with a high pitched keen. If he were more aware of himself he'd be embarrassed by the noise but as it is he can't even feel his legs properly. He shakes as Felix brings him down from his high. Then they just stay there, breathing heavily against each other's mouths.

Felix moves first, taking a deep breath before leaning up and away from Jisung. He peers down at him with bated breath. Jisung just lays there, hair fanning out around him. He feels sluggish, entirely spent and he stares back at Felix like a real angel descended from heaven. He seriously wouldn't be surprised if he actually were.

His trance is broken by Felix's voice, “Are you okay?”

Jisung blinks as he registers the words. He nods and slowly sits up. Felix offers him a small smile.

Once they've cleaned up, the euphoric feeling in Jisung's gut starts slowly transforming into a deep rooted anxiety that crawls its way up his spine. Fuck. What did they just do? What the fuck is happening to him? He feels himself shrinking away from the other boy instinctually, but he catches himself and clears his throat, attempting to straighten up.

“Um.. are we bros now?” He tries to joke, but his laugh sounds forced even to him.

Felix's lip quirks up for a second but he looks at him carefully. “Is that what you want? To be bros?”

Jisung opens his mouth to say something like of course bro or yeah what else? But his throat closes up. A sudden, inexplicable feeling of fear creeps into his gut.

“Jisung?”

He feels like he's suffocating, almost choking on air as he tries to get words out. “I— I don't know what... what I want. I'm so confused right now, I…”

“Hey, it's okay—”

“N-No! No, it's not. I'm sorry, I can't—” He shakes his head and leans away from Felix. He can't shake the sinking feeling that something is very, very wrong with him. How could he let this whole thing happen? Why is he feeling like this? He feels like a fraud of himself. He doesn't know what to do, he can't even process his feelings. He just knows he needs to get away from here, now.

He stands up quickly. Felix reaches for him but he's already crossing the room in long strides. As he twists the doorknob, he glances back to see Felix sitting with a hurt and confused expression before he shuts the door behind him.

Fuck. Jisung still can't breathe. He feels like it's only getting worse now that he's out in the open where people could see him. At least the hallway is currently empty, and he stumbles down it, not sure where he's going but just needing to get away.

He staggers into an empty room. At least, he thought it was empty, but as he crosses the doorway he's met with a pair of familiar eyes on a head of long blond hair.

“Hyunjin,” he says wobbly.

Hyunjin's eyes go wide when he sees the shaky state Jisung is in. “Jisung? What's wrong?”

That's when Jisung breaks down. Tears start streaming down his cheeks in rivulets. “I h-hate you! Why'd you make me do that??”

“Whoa, hey…” Hyunjin reaches for him and pulls Jisung to sit beside him. “I'm so sorry, Sung… Please calm down and tell me what's going on?”

“The dare, you idiot. I did your stupid dare!”

Understanding and a flash of regret click in Hyunjin's eyes. “...Ah.”

“Everything was fine. Now everything is.. I don't even know.” Jisung cries, pressing his hands into his eyes.

Hyunjin rubs his back soothingly. “Okay, shh, let's calm down first… So you did the dare? Can I ask who you did it with?”

Jisung sniffs as he tries to calm his breathing. “It was F-Felix.”

“Fe-lix?” Hyunjin repeats. “The kid from Australia?” Jisung nods. “Oh, Jisung…”

“I-It's your fault! You dared me, and then you were all like ‘I'll know if you don't do it’. What the hell!”

“God, I'm sorry Jisung. I wasn't thinking… I was just being dramatic, I'm not omniscient. How would I know if you did it or not?”

“I don't know, you just…”

Hyunjin sighs. “Okay, let's relax. First, did he hurt you? I'll kick his beautiful, angelic ass if he did anything to you.”

Jisung cracks a smile in spite of himself and shakes his head.

Hyunjin's face softens. “Then what happened..?”

“I… I don't know, he made me so… confused..”

One of Hyunjin's eyebrows lifts. “...He made you confused,” he deadpans.

“Like… like…” Jisung grips his hair. “God! I don't even know! Am I normal? I don't feel normal. I think something's wrong with me. I.. I don't understand what's happening.”

Hyunjin wipes the tears on his cheeks. “Why do you think something’s wrong with you?” he asks gently.

“Th-there's— I— I think I liked it too much,” Jisung whispers.

“You liked what? …touching Felix?”

Jisung cringes. “Y-Yes, which is so weird already, but then he— you don't understand, he also— touched m-me, and I liked it, so much, like— which is so weird— it scares the shit out of me— I a-asked him to kiss me, like, like a psychopath or something, he probably thought I was so creepy b-but he was so nice and so pretty and… I don't know what to do… Hyunjin I feel like I'm— like this isn't normal.”

Hyunjin just presses his lips together and nods, encouraging Jisung to continue.

“Like… like… he's a guy. Like yeah, he's objectively pretty but he's… he said to pretend he was a girl but I didn't, I don't think I even wanted to, but, like, I'm—I'm straight, right? I mean… I mean, yeah, it's not like I suddenly— I like girls! I know I like girls so why… like I shouldn't enjoy t-touching another guy right? That's…” Jisung shakes his head with wide, teary eyes. “I'm not like, gay.”

Hyunjin winces but he looks at him with something akin to pity. “Ouch dude, you know I'm gay, right? You're not… broken or anything, I promise this is normal Jisung.”

Jisung sighs into his hands. “Fuck. I know. God, I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that… I just mean like.. there's no way I'm… like shouldn't I have known by now? I'm not, like a teenager anymore. I just.. I like… girls… it doesn't make sense, why is this happening now?”

“It's okay, you can still like girls, you can like both. Even if you don't, that's still okay. Okay? It's not… there's not a predefined time when you realize this stuff. Some people live their whole lives in denial. This is normal. You're normal.”

Jisung nods. “R-Right, of course I can still like girls. So, maybe I'm like… bisexual or something? But honestly I've never—” He presses his fingers against his eyelids. “I mean, I don't think— but maybe? N-No I've never... But it's not like I see Felix as a girl, I mean, I touched his dick a-and he— his voice is like… crazy, I don't even know— B-But I've definitely never liked boys before so how would I suddenly—?”

Hyunjin rubs his shoulders. “It's okay. You don't have to figure it all out right now. Take your time. I'm here for you, okay?”

“I'm scared, Hyunjin,” he whispers.

Hyunjin's face breaks and he sighs. “I know. I'm sorry. I think I gave you that dare so you'd have an awakening or something but that was stupid. I didn't think… I hate seeing you like this.”

“Wha—... huh?? So you knew I'm maybe not super straight even before this?!”

Hyunjin bites his lip. “I didn't really know. I just had a feeling. And honestly, I wasn't expecting you to actually do it.”

Jisung's jaw drops, momentarily forgetting his anxiety. “You weren't expecting me to— Hyunjin! How could you think so low of me!”

“Okay, sorry! I shouldn't have dared you to do that knowing you'd be crazy enough to actually do it.” Jisung hits his arm. “It was more just to get you thinking about it!”

“You're crazy.”

“I'm smart. My gaydar is never wrong,” he taps the side of his head. “And I clocked you the day we met but you said you were straight... I was probably too tipsy earlier and figured I'd test you a little. That's all. I'm really sorry. I feel terrible for causing you this much stress.”

Jisung sighs. “It's okay. I just can't believe— how did you know? None of this makes sense…”

Hyunjin shrugs. “Like I said… I'm smart.” Jisung hits him again. “Okay, okay! But maybe this is good? Learning things about yourself?”

Jisung swallows. “Right… learning things…” he sighs. “I just—I screwed it up with him didn't I? I ran away. I just left him there.”

“You didn't screw it up. You're literally having a full blown identity crisis! He'll understand if you explain it to him.”

“But, what if he doesn't want to listen, or he already hates me, or… you should've seen his face when I left, oh god, I'm a horrible person—”

“Shh. Jisung. Do you like him?”

Jisung's face burns. “T-That's— I don't—”

“I mean, do you care about him? As a friend?”

“Of course,” Jisung pouts.

“Then you should talk to him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's still here. Just explain what happened, that you're going through a lot but you don't hate him. Right?”

Jisung nods. “Right, I—You're right. I don't want him to think that I find him gross or something, oh my god.”

“He's probably just confused too. Don't worry. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I… I think I'm okay now. Thanks though.” He stands up and touches his face. “D-Do I look like I've been crying?”

Hyunjin smiles sympathetically. “A little, but he'll understand. Go before he leaves!”

Jisung nods and runs for the door. He pauses there and turns around.

“Hyunjin?”

“Hm?”

“I'm sorry for yelling at you.”

He waves him off. “It's okay, I kind of deserved it I think. We're good, okay? Now, go!”

Jisung doesn't need to be told twice. He's out the door in seconds and practically sprinting his way back to the room he left Felix in.

“...God, it's so hard being right all of the time,” Hyunjin sighs.

—

Felix isn't there.

The room is empty. Felix isn't here.

Oh god. What if he already left and he's avoiding him and Jisung will never be able to talk to him and Felix will think he hates him and—

He takes a deep breath. He shouldn't jump to conclusions. He has Felix's number, he should just text him. He pulls out his phone.

He paces around the room as he waits for his phone to light up. After a few minutes of nothing he sends a couple more messages and sighs. Maybe Felix is still at the party somewhere? Should he look for him?

Yeah, he decides, he needs to talk to Felix and make sure he's okay. Make sure they're okay. He can't stand the thought that Felix might think he hates him. It couldn't be farther from the truth.

Jisung paces out of the room and begins scouring every room for the familiar head of blond hair. But he's nowhere to be seen. Jisung tries not to cry. He's just about to loop around to where he started when he's stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He jumps. Felix?

“Jisung? Are you okay?” No, of course it's not. Jisung turns to face the familiar voice.

“Seungmin,” he breathes shakily.

Seungmin gently places both hands on Jisung's shoulders. “What happened? You look frantic. What's going on?”

That's it. Jisung breaks down in tears. Again. He hates crying in front of another one of his friends but he can't help himself right now.

Seungmin looks alarmed. “Did someone do something? Are you hurt?” Jisung shakes his head. Seungmin sighs in relief. Then, his eyebrows draw together. “Wait, does this have to do with that dare?”

Jisung hesitates, before nodding.

Seungmin exhales. “Okay, we're leaving, okay? You can tell me about it on the way home if you want. Or not, but I don't think this place is very conducive to your wellbeing right now.”

Jisung nods and lets Seungmin guide him through the halls and crowds until they're outside. And he's right. As soon as he steps out of the claustrophobic walls he feels like he can breathe easier again. He sighs and wipes the last of the tears off his face.

Seungmin lets go of his hand. “You feeling better?” he asks.

“Yeah. Thanks, I.. guess I needed to get out of there.”

Oh, right. He should text Felix and let him know he's leaving, just in case he really is still at the party somewhere. He pulls out his phone. Seungmin looks at him, a question clearly painted on his face, but he stays quiet.

Jisung sighs after hitting send and stuffs his phone in his pocket again. Seungmin looks at him searchingly. “What happened…?”

Jisung bites his lip. His immediate instinct is deflect, deflect, deflect, but he really should tell Seungmin. He deserves to know. Jisung explains the whole situation on the way back to their dorm, from the dare to his conversation with Felix, to his panic in the aftermath and talk with Hyunjin. Seungmin listens quietly, intently. Jisung leaves out the details of what actually happened with Felix, but it's hopefully enough for Seungmin to get the picture.

When Jisung finally finishes, Seungmin blows out a long puff of air, his cheeks puffing up. “Wow. I don't even… Damn. That's crazy.”

Jisung leans his head back and groans with his hands over his face. “I know. What do I even do now?”

“Flee the country.” Seungmin says matter of factly. Jisung huffs out a laugh. “Sorry. I'm shit at giving advice. But I know Felix. He doesn't seem like the type of person who wouldn't at least hear you out, you know? Don't stress too much.”

“Then why is he ignoring me??” Jisung frowns.

“There's so many possibilities, dude. He might be feeling equally as overwhelmed right now or his phone could be dead or he might just not have checked yet. It hasn't even been that long. Give him time.” Seungmin, ever the voice of reason.

“Yeah… yeah, you're right. I'm just—I don't know. I don't even know.”

“I'm always right.” Seungmin, ever the voice of arrogance. “It'll be fine, Jisung.”

“Okay… Just know, if you're wrong I will come crying to you.”

Seungmin's lips curl up. “I'm always right. But okay, sure.” He pauses. “Honestly, I'm surprised you even did the dare, I even gave you an easy escape and everything.”

Jisung lets out a loud sigh. “I don't even know, man. Maybe a part of me, like, wanted to… I'm so confused about everything to be honest.”

Seungmin hums. “This is kind of life altering shit you're going through. You're handling it pretty well, all things considered.”

Jisung's looks at him, lips forming an ‘o’. “You think?”

He nods, “I think I'd have broken down or something by now if it were me.”

“I'm—well, I'm trying not to. I guess I went through most of the whole breakdown freakout thing with Hyunjin. I'm just trying not to think about it too hard right now I guess.”

“That's fair. Don't rush it. Uh, and I'm here if you ever wanna... talk or whatever,” Seungmin waves his hand around.

Jisung smiles. “Thanks, Min. Seriously.”

“Yeah, yeah…” he says but he mirrors his smile.

—

The next morning, Jisung wakes up feeling more refreshed than he expected. He doesn't feel great, but at least he doesn't feel like his whole life and everything he thought he knew about himself is turning upside down like yesterday. That's something.

As much as he was glued to his phone last night, waiting for a message from Felix, he doesn't want to check his phone right now, scared of what he might (or might not) see. Everything feels more real now, outside of the illusionary haze of last night, and he's just not ready to face anything yet.

Instead, he busies himself with mindless tasks, like brushing his teeth and pouring a bowl of his favorite hangover cereal. He's not even hungover, he didn't drink that much, but he just needs that extra emotional support right now. It helps, he thinks.

Eventually, he has to face reality. His phone looms at him from his bedside table, facedown but glaring at him. Jisung sighs and reluctantly picks it up.

He cringes a little when he sees the multiple notifications from his messenger app. There's a text from Seungmin saying he's out studying with a friend but to let him know if he needs anything. Studying the morning after a party? Nerd. But Jisung smiles at the kind gesture and types out a quick reply saying thanks but he'll be fine.

And.. there's a little number by Felix's contact name too. He doesn't even want to open it. He wants to crawl back into bed and hide for the rest of the day. He wishes this had all happened yesterday when he was still in the moment and running on adrenaline.

But this is a good thing! Felix isn't ignoring him. This is good. Jisung takes a deep breath and clicks into the message.

He breathes out slowly. Okay.. Felix doesn't seem angry? He wants to meet up at least. Or what if he's just waiting until they're in person to unleash everything and tell Jisung to never talk to him again? God, he can't tell.

He doesn't want to respond. Okay, no, he needs to respond. He's the one who texted first anyway. Fuck, this is scary though.

He takes another deep breath to steady himself before carefully typing out a reply.

Jisung's heart races when Felix's reply comes in within only a couple minutes. Thank god Felix doesn't seem creeped out at coming over. Jisung quickly agrees to the time and texts Felix his dorm and room number.

Then he waits. After sufficiently freaking out for an hour, stress cleaning and everything, Jisung hears a knock at the front door. Oh fuck. He's so not ready.

Regardless, he trudges over to the door. He takes a deep breath before unlocking and opening the door.

Felix is standing there, bundled up for the chilly weather in a jacket but also sporting a pair of loose ripped jeans, which Jisung thinks is pretty contradictory. How are you gonna put so many layers on and then just have holes in your pants? How does that make sense? One hole above the knee is large enough that Jisung can literally see the outline of Felix's thigh.

“Um… hi…” Jisung's eyes snap up. Wait, what was he even doing just now? He wasn't like… checking Felix out or something, right? No, that's absurd. Felix's torn up pants are absurd, and that's all he was thinking. About his pants. His jeans.

“Hi,” Jisung replies awkwardly. Why is this so awkward? They haven't even said anything yet. God. “Sorry, um, come in?” He gestures and holds the door open.

Felix murmurs a soft “thanks” as he cautiously steps inside and looks around a bit.

“Um, thanks for coming…” Jisung starts. “Seungmin— my roommate isn't here right now. But we can go to my room if you want?”

Felix's eyes suddenly light up. “Seungmin? Kim Seungmin? Tall, funny, braces?”

Jisung blinks. “Yeah, what? You know him? Wait, you think he's funny?” He wrinkles his nose.

“Yeah! Well, maybe at my own expense… We're partners in this cooking class I'm taking.”

Jisung starts walking and leads Felix in the direction of his room as his eyebrows furrow. “A cooking—? No way. Seungmin can't cook.”

Felix giggles. “Oh, I know. I swear it's actually contagious or something because suddenly I start forgetting basic things like how to use a mixer just by being near him. I think it's a curse.”

Jisung laughs, eternally grateful for the lighthearted shift in the atmosphere, the tense and awkward air dissipating. Talking with Felix is just like that, so easy. “Yeah, I keep him out of our kitchen for his own good. I had no idea he was taking a cooking class though, what the hell?”

Felix hums. “Maybe he's trying to improve?”

“Or he's just trying to cause chaos. And from what you said, it seems like it's working.” Jisung shakes his head as they step into his room.

“Maybe…” Felix mumbles, but his focus has shifted elsewhere. He takes in Jisung's room, seeming to observe every visible corner: anime posters on the wall and an acoustic guitar in the corner and the stuffed animals on his bed. Jisung blushes, suddenly grateful for his stress-induced tidying of every nook and cranny. He hadn't realized how intimate it can be letting someone new into his space like this. This is Felix's first time in his room.

Felix. In his room. Why does it feel weird?

It doesn't, does it? Jisung is the only one making it weird. It's not weird for friends to hang out in each other's rooms. That's literally extremely normal. But still… Jisung usually waits until he's way closer with people before letting them in his room. He can't place the anxious feeling swirling in his gut.

“I like your room,” Felix says softly. “It's like how I imagined.”

“W-What does that mean??”

“It's a compliment! It's very you.”

“Okay well… thanks,” Jisung mumbles. Has Felix really imagined his room before? How close are they that Felix knows enough about Jisung to think it's very him? He pushes the thoughts aside.

“So…” He sighs. Here comes the awkward again. But he can't avoid this forever. “Can we talk?”

Felix nods. “…‘Course,” he says, leaning against the bed slightly. Jisung motions for him to sit down on it and follows suit, since there isn't much else seating in his room. “If you want to!” he stutters out but Felix just smiles and sits down on the bed. On Jisung's bed. Okay, cool, this is fine.

They face each other. “So….” Jisung starts, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I just wanted to apologize. I mean, I feel like we were acting pretty normal just now, and I'm really grateful for that, but you still deserve like, I don't know, an explanation? Or something? So yeah.”

Felix nods silently.

Jisung takes that as his cue to continue. “Right, so, yesterday, it was a dare, right? That wasn't a lie. Me and Hyunjin actually like, talked about it afterwards and we're cool by the way. Just in case you thought—well, I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. Um…” He takes a deep breath. “I mean, you were really nice about the whole thing and then I just left… kind of suddenly. That was really mean. I… I mean, you looked hurt too. Which, like, fair. That was a dick move. Um…”

Felix's voice is gentle, “Okay, hey, I get it, I'm not actually mad—”

Jisung finally looks up. “But you should be. Y-You're not mad? I would be mad. I mean, maybe not mad but confused? Frustrated? I— I kind of feel like it came across like I was… using you or something. I don't know. But that's not… Honestly I'm just really confused right now because—”

“Stop.”

Jisung blinks. “What?”

“Stop, I… I want to apologize too.”

“For what?!”

“For agreeing to it! I shouldn't have cus I…” He shakes his head. “And I kind of pushed you to tell me about the dare. You didn't seem comfortable. And I definitely should've stopped when you said you're straight... I-I was selfish.”

“Selfish?” Jisung repeats. “What?”

Felix sighs. “I agreed cus I was being selfish… Just, selfish reasons. I shouldn't have.”

“What does that even…? Dude, you're not selfish, if anyone is it's me for basically roping you into doing that for me and then leaving you high and dry like…”

Felix shakes his head. “That's not… you don't get it. I am selfish. Even being here right now… Selfish. Stupid.”

Jisung can't even begin to comprehend how that makes sense. “What…?”

“Jisung… Fuck, fine — I-I like you.”

“You like me?” Jisung mimics.

“…Yeah.”

Then it clicks. “Wait, oh. You like… like, like me?”

“...Well, that's good. I was worried it was super obvious for no reason.”

Jisungs mouth must be hanging open. “I... Are you serious?”

Felix laughs nervously. “Does it seem like I'm joking?”

“N-No but… I don't know. Oh my god. Shut up, I'm freaking out.”

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I know you're straight—”

“That's the thing. I'm not— Just, just, wait a second, oh my god. Oh my god.”

“Jisung…” Felix bites his lip. “I'm sorry, we can just pretend I never said that and go back to normal, please, I promise.”

Jisung puts his hands over his face. “No, shut up… shut up, just wait a second, please. Please just wait.”

Jisung can't see him but Felix at least goes quiet and Jisung can think. He breathes for a few seconds. In and out. In and out.

“…I think I like you too. Like, like like you… so much. Like way more than just bros. But I don't know what that fucking means.”

Jisung's heart is beating out of his chest. He hears a catch of breath. Silence. Then a soft whispered, “What do you mean Jisung, are you sure?”

“Yes, I mean, no, but— I feel something, and this isn't normal, so—”

He feels gentle fingers pulling at his wrists. “Jisung, look at me.” He lets Felix pull his hands down off of his face, which he's sure must be burning red. “It's okay. I don't want you to like… pity me or something. I'm really okay even if you don't like me like that.”

Jisung shakes his head. “N-No, I'm not pitying you Felix, I swear. I really, really—” He swallows. “Even like, your hands just on my wrists right now, making me feel like— I- I don't know,” he breathes.

Felix immediately drops his wrists. “I'm sorry,” he says genuinely.

But that's not what Jisung wanted. “No! I liked it.” He reaches for Felix's hands and interlaces his fingers in his, immediately setting off butterflies in his stomach. “I like this..”

Felix swallows and squeezes his hand a little. “But anyone can like holding hands with anyone, that doesn't mean—”

“But it's not just that. We— Felix, we kissed. I… asked you to kiss me. Did you forget that? And we did… m-more obviously. I liked it.” The more Jisung tries to explain to Felix the more he feels like he's understanding and accepting his own feelings. “That's why I ran away. I was so… confused and.. and scared I guess, cus.. I've never felt… with a guy.”

“I didn't forget,” Felix whispers. “I believe you. I know it's scary. I-I went through it too. Just— Are you sure? I really… I don't wanna get my hopes up if…”

“Can I kiss you?” Jisung blurts out. “Then I'll be sure. I… You can definitely say no.”

Felix closes his eyes and looks to be in some kind of mental anguish for a few seconds. “Yes, okay…” he breathes.

Jisung squeezes the other's hand, still interlaced with his own. He leans in a little. “A-Are you sure?” he asks quietly.

“Yes, yes, please…” Felix says under his breath while leaning in a little as well. That's all Jisung needs before he's closing his eyes and swooping in to close the distance between them.

It's like magic. Right at the moment their lips press Jisung has his answer. His stomach flips and it feels so different from last night where he was letting Felix have control. He keeps it going for a little longer, not really moving his lips but just pressing into the kiss for a few more seconds, relishing in the way it feels.

When he finally pulls away, Felix's eyes are closed, forehead drawn in as if he's the one going through a crisis right now.

“Felix?”

“What? Please don't say you were wrong. I mean… I mean, of course that's fine but—”

“Felix. I liked it… Oh wait, so I actually like you? Oh my god—”

Felix's eyes fly open. “You really…? You're serious?”

Jisung nods, eyes equally as wide as his.

“Are you sure? Yesterday I can get over, but this feels too real. I don't think I can handle if— I mean, god, sorry, I know you're figuring things out but—”

“Yes. Well, I— I'm still confused about other things but… I'm pretty sure—I mean this feels pretty much exactly like when I have a crush on a girl. So..?”

“Okay. Okay, sorry. It's not that I don't believe you, I just—I really wasn't prepared for this. But I get it, really.” He takes a deep breath in and out. “So you… you really like me? Really, really?”

Jisung nods shyly. “Um.. really, really. I think more than I realized.”

Felix blushes. “Right, so… I mean, I don't want to be too forward but..? And maybe you're not ready and that's totally okay. But do you wanna..? I mean if we both like each other then… doesn't it make sense if we…”

Jisung squeezes his hand encouragingly. “What are you trying to say?”

“I'm saying—and again, you can say no if this is too fast—but I'm saying… Do you want to… try being my boyfriend…?” He peeks up at Jisung nervously.

Jisung's heart stutters in his chest. He doesn't really have to think about his answer. Even if his brain is telling him it's a little scary, his heart is giving him an answer clear as day. “Yes, y-yes, I want that… to be your… boyfriend.”

Felix flashes a shy, relieved smile. “Yeah?”

“Y-Yeah. Oh my god, a boyfriend. You're my boyfriend? I have a boyfriend?” Jisung presses his hands against the sides of his face, squishing his cheeks.

Felix giggles a little. “Mhm, that's okay right? It feels okay?”

“Yes, I like it, it's a little weird but I really like how that sounds. A boyfriend. My boyfriend.”

Felix blushes. “Ah, stop saying it like that, it's embarrassing…”

Jisung shakes his head. “Can I kiss you again?”

Felix smiles and responds in the form of crashing their lips together. Jisung gasps. It's more intense than the one they previously shared but still very sweet and gentle. Felix's lips are so soft.

Jisung tilts his head to deepen the kiss. “I like you so much,” he mumbles against Felix's mouth between kisses. “Maybe for a while… I always… wanted you to like me… tried to impress you…”

Felix makes a quiet sound and suddenly Jisung feels wetness on his cheeks. “Are you…? Felix?” Jisung pulls away, and sure enough, there are tears pooling under Felix's eyes. Jisung looks at him with concern. “What's wrong?”

Felix ducks his head but smiles, and it's enough to quell Jisung's worries that he did something wrong. “S-Sorry—God, this is embarrassing. I-I don't know why I'm crying. I'm really happy, I promise.”

“Okay. Don't worry about it.” Jisung gently grabs Felix's face and wipes the tears from his cheeks. As he presses the skin below his eyes, an array of tiny dots start appearing, speckling his face. Jisung furrows his eyebrows. “Huh—? Do you have freckles..?”

The skin under his fingers turns pink and Felix squirms his head out of his grasp. “Nooo…”

Jisung gently grabs his face again. “No, let me see, please.” He swipes his thumbs along the other's cheeks, smudging more makeup away.

Felix sighs and seems to relent. “I don't like them…” he mutters.

Jisung is appalled. “Are you serious? Why not?”

Felix shrugs. “I dunno, just looks.. messy? And no one else here has them,” he says with a frown.

Jisung shakes his head. “They're so pretty. You're so pretty. How could you hide these? God, it's like everything little thing about you is so pretty, how is that even possible??”

“Stoooop,” Felix giggles, blushing bright red now. “They're not.. I'm not…”

“You are. You literally turned me gay or something,” he jokes. “That has to count for something.”

Felix laughs, but then his expression turns more serious. “Did I really—? I mean, you think you're gay?”

“Uh—No, I just said that. I don't know. I'm still so fucking confused,” Jisung tries to laugh it off nervously.

Felix nods. “If you wanna talk about it… no pressure of course, but I kind of went through something similar so… just, I'm here for you.”

“Thank you,” Jisung whispers. “Well, I-I think I've been trying not to think about it too much. It's scary,” he admits.

“I know. You're really brave, you know Jisung? It took me like, months—years even?—before I understood and accepted myself.”

“Yeah, but I'm sure that was years ago, right? Why is this happening to me now? Like… I've always liked girls. I don't think that's… yeah, I definitely still like girls. That's all fine. But I've literally never liked boys until now?” Jisung sighs. “Well—maybe—maybe not. I've been thinking, and like, I guess there were guys that I… really admired and… I really wanted them to like me too. To think I'm cool or funny or something. And like, yeah, I felt nervous around them, but I just kind of thought they were intimidating. But maybe…? Is that..? Were those crushes?”

Felix grabs his hand and squeezes it gently. “Maybe. It kind of sounds like it.” He pauses. “Even if they weren't, and I'm the first guy you like, that's okay too. Honestly, that would be hella flattering,” he smiles. “I don't think sexuality is like... It isn't such a rigid thing. It can be more fluid for some people, you know? It's not just black and white. If your feelings are real then that's all that matters, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah. It's just weird. I'm like so past that stage. Why didn't teenage me figure this out?” He huffs out a laugh.

“There's no set timeline for this stuff. It happens differently for everyone, right? And if you don't want to think about it right now you don't have to. You can just like whoever feels natural for you. No need to think about what box you fit into or anything like that.”

“I think I just like you,” Jisung whispers.

Felix's lips quirk up. “Yeah? That's so cute.”

Jisung is sure his face goes red. “Sh-shut up…”

“Never,” Felix grins. “No, but it's okay. You don't have to label yourself, now or ever. You don't have to be gay, or straight, or bi, or... or anything in between. You can just… be, and that's enough.”

Jisung feels tears prick his eyes. He really has no clue why he's getting emotional over this, but somehow Felix is saying exactly what he didn't know he needed to hear. “Okay, but what about Felixsexual?” He jokes.

“Pfft— then I'm Jisungsexual, okay?”

Jisung's heart feels lighter than it's ever been. He giggles. “Okay.”

—

After calming down, and both their tears are wiped away, the two of them spend a couple hours just talking and cuddling, making up for what feels like so much lost time. Seriously, why didn't they become closer friends sooner? Jisung mentally kicks himself for not being more proactive in befriending him. They click so well. Jisung is so glad Felix seems to love skinship as much as he does, they both initiate it easily and it just instantly feels natural. So easy, just like everything between them.

Eventually, they move to the living room to watch something. After only just a few minutes of scrolling through Netflix, the front door opens. Jisung looks up.

“Oh, hey Seungmin. How was your study sesh?”

“Hey. Uh, fine. Is this a bad time…?” Seungmin asks, glancing at Felix and looking at Jisung curiously.

“No, it's a great time. Seungmin, say hi to my, uh, boyfriend..?” Jisung falters saying that to someone else for the first time and it comes out like a question.

Seungmin doesn't seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn't care. “Oh, so you worked it out? I'm glad. Congrats.” He turns to Felix. “I'm Seungmin.”

Felix laughs. “Dude, I'm insulted. I thought we were mates? Does being stove partners mean nothing to people these days?”

Seungmin cracks a smile. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

Jisung jumps up in his seat. “Oh yeah! Seungmin, you're taking a freaking cooking class? Who are you??”

Seungmin shrugs. “I had extra space in my schedule.”

Felix sighs. “I wish I had extra space. I would take another class with Jisung.”

“Aww, what?” Jisung looks at him fondly.

“Seriously. Why do we only have one class together? How am I gonna handle that now that we're together?”

Jisung giggles. “If you had extra time wouldn't it be better to just spend time together and not take an extra class, silly?”

“Oh yeah, I guess. Are you sure you'd be okay with that Sungie?” Felix grins and nuzzles his head into Jisung's shoulder, cuddling into him playfully.

Sungie? Oh, Jisung's done for. He giggles again and kicks his feet (like a fucking schoolgirl or something, embarassing). “Only if you promise to binge watch my favorite animes. And make cookies with me!”

Seungmin makes a gagging sound. “...Ugh, I take back everything I said. You two together are more energy than I can reasonably tolerate. Goodbye.” He throws his hand up in a wave and starts walking to his room. He pauses in his doorway and turns around. “Oh and please for the love of god, no funny business when I'm here. I'm happy for you but not that happy.”

Jisung turns red and he hears Felix choke on air. “Seungmin!”

“What? You already did stuff and you weren't even dating yet. I can't trust you guys.”

Jisung throws a cushion at him. “Didn't you say bye already? Bye!!”

Seungmin rolls his eyes and throws up a peace sign before turning around and closing his door.

Jisung glances at Felix, who's equally as red-faced. They stare at each other for a few seconds before both breaking out into giggles.

Yeah, Jisung thinks he'll be alright.

—

[4 weeks later]

—

a/n: take a shot every time you see the word 'like' (u will die). if u made it this far THANK U SOOO MUCH FOR READING WOW! this is my first fic so any feedback would be super appreciated! i'd love to hear your thoughts (^o^) idk how active i'll be here but i've been in a writing mood recently so keep an eye out maybe? again tysm for reading!! ♡

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astralspellcaster · 8 months

Text

Pac • messages from your past - and future self

TW! This reading handles quite harsh messages, so read only if you consider yourself ready. I wanted to post this reading cause I thought it contains lots of important messages that need to be heard.

I don't own any of these pics, all rights to their owners!

Hii my fellow astrology and tarot enthusiasts! This my 1st pick a pile - reading here in Tumblr and I enjoyed so much while doing this. My studies take so much time, so it's hard to be active, but I try my best to reblog as many posts as possible to share those positive vibes w you! 🍀

Also to remind: If the pile you pick doesn't seem to fit with your life situation, then the message is probably not for you. If so, feel free to choose another pile!

Pile n.o 1.

Hii, pile n.o 1.! There's many harsh messages that need to be heard, so read w compassion. Wish you all the best!

How does your past self view your current situation -

Your not accepting aspects of your life and yourself. You could've been questioning things in your life and something probably feels very off to you; like some changes are needed, so you'd feel satisfied again.

I see that you've a tendency to wear rose-colored glasses; you're afraid and not ready to see situations as they are (at least your mind is saying so). I also see that some of you could possibly have an addiction or are about to develop one, but it will have a harmful impact to your (mental) health, take care.

You could be a person who wants to be seen as a someone "collected" or maybe even strict, and stable; showing your unstable side may have a negative influence on your image. I also sense this kind of toxic/negative masculine energy "the need to be and stay strong", "vulnerability is weakness" - thing.

You definitely have very high expectations set to yourself and also other people might have their expectations on you based how you've been and acted before/in the past. I sense that some of you have experienced something tragic and very dramatic, which has changed mainly your thoughts and beliefs. And I think that your questioning may apply this -> deep transformation has bring something new and that's why you could be afraid to except new things. Also, you don't feel confident enough to come out as a "new" you and I sense that it has to do with your expectations on yourself; what you should be or other people's expectations for you; what others want you to be (in short: you don't want to let others down).

Negative energy you've carried that you should get rid of -

Your fear of letting go and continuing in life. You are afraid of going with the flow and you definitely got major trust issues due to your negative past experiences; life should be predictable on some level.

You should lower your expectations and rather surrender the outcome. Also, if someone gots high expectations for you, just do and be your best. Don't let other people's thoughts or expectations for you affect you. They're not real until you accept them.

You should get comfortable going with the flow; in short, life is a change -> something ends, but it makes room for the new that could even be something better. I hear extremely loud the word "TRUST". Everything's going to be alright once you trust that life is taking you where you should be/belong. 🤍

I feel there's a spiritual awakening ahead you. You may gain spiritual wisdom and due to that lead and guide and help others in their paths.

Messages from your future self -

- Open your heart. - Accept. - Surrender and seek help if needed. -

Be open to new experiences and accept changes. Surrender to life and let it guide you to fulfillness. You don't always have to be strong, it's okay to let your guard down and show your true emotions and colors. Prioritize your health and seek help if needed. You're safe and not alone.

How to improve -

Be proud of yourself and do not hide. I see that you're wearing this kind of cloak to hide the deepest parts of yourself. What brings colors to life is emotions and love that you can't give or receive by being there all hided. Also something I hear that some of you may lack confidence and due to that end up hiding themselves. Let your individuality make this life richier just by being you. 🌈

Pile n.o 2.

Hii, pile n.o 2.! This pile contains harsh messages, so please read w compassion and take care!

How does your past self view your current situation -

You're not fully trusting your inner voice. You may have been struggling with seeing things as they are. Your past self may watch you and have this feeling of grief. They feel they didn't do everything to help the future version of you (now present). Maybe you were in a situation where you felt anxious and didn't know how to handle it or to decide whether it was related to a choice and now your past self could be regretting.

Nonetheless of that, you should not be thinking too much about what you didn't do or what if things could've gone better etc. because all you have is the present and you're not able to change the events of the past.

You may also feel disconnected from yourself and you aren't handling your emotions enough. Your inner child may need nurturing.

Negative energy you've carried that you should get rid of -

You may now fear so much that you aren't seeing things clearly. You may fear so much and it has totally blinded you and now you don't believe in positive outcomes. You've a tendency to make fake negative scenarios, which now are stopping you from living your life at the fullest. You feel the past is haunting you and it's hard to let go, but it's vital for you and your higher self.

In the end, life is just about evolving and growing. Sometimes you have to take a risk, even tho past experiences are haunting you and whispering your ears "what if", you need to trust. You need to trust that you're exactly at the right place at right time and life is taking you where you're meant to be.

Some shadow work is needed and you should try to write your thoughts down and analyze them, you give them power if you want, but in the end you're the one in control.

Messages from your future self -

- You're blessed with love, compassion and wisdom. - Come from the dark and let your light be seen. - You're divinely protected.

There's nothing to worry about. Your mind is only tricking you and that makes you to sabotage yourself. There's imbalance in chackras, they need healing. Also, remember to prioritize self-care; you should look out for yourself and if you're not feeling your best, take care of your mental health.

Cards are also suggesting opening up to someone, e.x for a friend or a close one etc. and maybe they can give the advice you need in this situation.

How to improve -

You need to trust that you're safe and protected. I see that your spirit guides are currently taking care that you'll be safe. You've people around who care and they want you to know that. So if there comes a moment where you hesitate about letting your guard down and let yourself to open up and be vulnerable, do it. It'll get better, once you've gotten relieved of the burden. Your emotions make you a living being. You're important. ❤️

Pile n.o 3.

Hii, pile n.o 3! This pile is very similar to the 1st one, so if you felt any pull toward that you should read it too! Also, this pile has many harsh messages, so please read w compassion!

How does your past self view your current situation -

Your past self looks at you low; I see this kind of a disgust look. I sense you could've done a mistake you're now regretting. Everything seemed and was perfect until now. I think you have this bitter-sweet feeling to you. For some of you, there could even be a loss of a job or a loss of a higher position, e.x. in the work place. I see that some of you, due to that may suffer in terms of money and "worldly" possessions.

Also, this regret could apply if someone has lost trust to someone or even you may have lost someone's trust or someone theirs in you. In extreme cases, some of you may have experienced a betrayal and now you're questioning yourself and lost your inner peace and stability.

Negative energy you've carried that you should get rid of -

You may now be thinking that all is lost, nothing can be done. You've lost faith that your situation will get better. Due to that, you're not seeing clearly and this causes you to lose great opportunities because you think and mourn about the old and what has happened to you in the past. You're stuck.

This is hard, but you need to hear that you can't change the events of the past. It's time for you to move on and take a new course in life, a fresh start. You deserve as much happiness as others do, you currently deny yourself that and these energies are something you need to get rid of. As well as in other piles, your thoughts have no control. Only you can give them your power because you're the one in control.

Some of you have lost the respect towards yourself as a result of being betrayed or being the one who hasn't being trustworthy in the past. You may no longer view yourself as a good person who deserves respectful behavior from others. You're very doubtful about yourself, but seriously you need to let go. You can't change what has happened, but now you're just a more advanced version of yourself who knows how to act in such a situation in the future if there comes a similar moment. Forgive yourself and apologize to someone (if needed) and continue in life. The only one who's holding you back is yourself, so please do a favor to yourself and let yourself to live your life at its fullest.

Messages from your future self -

- You're blessed with dignity and strength. - Open your eyes. - A new door is about to open for you. -

You'll get the respect from others once you've started to respect yourself and to believe that deserve good things as well. Your past doesn't define you and you'll only learn the best from mistakes, so you can just use the name lessons rather than mistakes. Your spirit guides are supporting you in your journey and they hear you, so if you ever need help or feel alone, reach for them.

Like I said in the beginning of your reading that you're missing good opportunities due to your toxic thoughts, don't you dare to think that now "you've lost" them as well. It's a BIG no. You're constantly and you will constantly be given new opportunities, once you're open to experience new things and you've given yourself the permission to continue and have a fresh start. You're greater than your thoughts, you're strong. 💪❤️

How to improve -

Your past doesn't define you because your past is not today. You're important and deserve as much love and fine things in life as others do. There's nothing wrong with you, but your thoughts that currently have a huge influence on you. Your thoughts and mind are holding you back, but you need silence them and to listen to your heart and intuition as they know, so let them guide you. Trust and accept. 🤝

Every pile had quite heavy messages, I hope they didn't trigger anybody too much 😅 And tbh, it felt quite therapeutic for me to do these readings as I get new perspectives for myself too. See you in the next reading/astro observations post, until that take care y'all ❣️

#pac reading #pac tarot #tarot #daily tarot #tarot cards #tarot community #tarot reading #oracle reading #energy reading #intuitive readings #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #divination #tarotblr

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lovelybrooke · 1 year

Note

Since you mentioned doing botw requests, would you be able to write another part to forgotten love, where it turns out reader was isekaid

Like they were there before the calamity, managed to get home then ended up back in hyrule - and back with yan!link?

Also just gonna say that how you write link as a yan is absolutely incredible and I'd love to see more about how you think he'd act post calamity when he's more feral

Forgotten Love Pt. 2 (Yandere BOTW).

I really like this ask, so I'm incorporating it into the part 2. Thank you, Anon. (Also, for the case of the story, Legend of Zelda isn't a game).

I tried to expand the relationships the reader has with the other characters, so I hope this is good.

Also, also. I got all the glyphs, most of the memories (except for 1, 11, 14, 16, and 18) and finished all the temples so use that as a reference for your asks.

"(Y/N)! Are you seriously not listening to me right now?!"

You shot up, nearly spilling the coffee in your hands. You look across from you to see your coworker Alice, giving you a stern look with her arms cross. She wasn't really your friend, at least in your eyes, but you were glad to have someone to talk to.

You look down at your coffee, which was now cold, and give Alice a nervous giggle. She scoffs and eats the last bite she had left of her croissant. Whipping her mouth free of crumbs, she rolls her eyes at you, "seriously (Y/N), you need to get your head out of the clouds." She picks up her empty coffee cup and used napkin. She eyes you before, giving you a sigh and sympathetic look.

"Look, (Y/N), you need to get some help with your dreams. You've been struggling with work and barely leave your house. Try going to a sleep doctor, or anything. Please." Alice sounded desperate, looking down at you with sad eyes, before leaving you alone in the cafe.

You knew Alice was right, your dreams have been very, life like, to say the least. You can only remember a few bits and pieces, like the sounds and smells, but nothing concrete. You've tried talking to Alice about it, but it just sounds like your crazy, and you can tell she worried for you.

---

"Do you remember them?" It was a strange question that the Princess barely understood. Zelda looks at her sworn protector, raising an eyebrow at him. He gives her a short look before continuing.

"(Y/N)." Link says, his voice quiet. Zelda's hand tightens around the torch at the sound of your name. Her pace slows as her looks down at the grown, sadness filling her body. Link stops and looks back at her, his face dark and baren of any emotion.

"I do." She says sorrowful. It would be a lie to say she hasn't thought about you in the last 100 years. In fact, she constantly thought about you. She often thinks about your friendship, how you helped her grow her knowledge of ancient sheikah materials, how you comforted her when she came back from another day unable to awaken her powers. You were there for her, and she wasn't, and now you're gone.

When Zelda looks back up, Link is staring directly at of her, eyes unmoving. It was scary, his intensity. She stepped back a little but kept her composure nicely. "Why do you ask?"

Link ignores the question, "There's nothing less of them." Link voice is monotone, but that doesn't scare Zelda, it's the blank gaze behind his eyes when he talks about you.

Zelda walks up closer to Link, taking her place besides him. She gives him a hard look, courage filling her body, "We lost a lot of people in the Calamity."

Link was silent as they continue to walk in the darkness underneath the castle. Zelda took a small breath at Link's silence, aiming the torch further ahead of her. Although it was quiet, her mind was filled with you. She knew Links feeling for you, she knew how dark and possessive they were, but she couldn't blame herself for your death. Thousands of lives were lost in the Calamity and while she will always cherish you, you were gone, and there were bigger things to focus on.

Like now, the murals in front of them, depicting the beginnings of Hyrule. She stares at them in wonder, "Look Link!" She hands him the torch, grabbing her Purah pad to take a picture, "This is fascinating!" Link didn't respond, not that Zelda noticed as she took her pictures. Satisfied, she put the pad back on her belt and took the torch, motioning for Link to follow.

As they walked deeper and deeper down, the air became thicker and thicker. Link instinctively grasped his sword, removing it from the sheath on his back. The room slowly became red, smoke floating around them and filling their lungs. The hallway was only illuminated by Link's master sword and the torch Zelda was holding, slowly revealing the mummified body ahead, a glowing hand protruding out of it.

As they slowly move closer, the hand falls, a stone falling and rolling towards Zelda. The crouches down and pokes at it, before cradling it in her hand. A bright light emanates from it before a deep beating sound everts her attention back to the mummified corpse.

The corpse shifts and jolts awake with many cracks, rising up slowly before falling back down, his jaw hanging loosely open. It was silent for a second, Link moving in front of the Princess, waiting. His grip on the Master Sword tightens and his stance becomes firm as Zelda holds the stone close to her chest, the torch still in hand.

Suddenly, the corpse turns toward them, his eyes fiery red as the red smoke billows from them. Red tendrils start rushing out of the open would that was once covered by the glowing hand, beelining towards the two. Link thrusts the Master Sword forward, piercing one of the tendrils in its center, but it barely flinches as it travels up right hand, stealing him of any previous power he once had. Link winces in pain as he grasps his arm, which was now covered in the strange substance. Barely a second later, the tendrils are moving back towards him, Link swinging his sword forward to stop the attack, only to witness the powerful sword be shattered, the tip shooting forward and grazing the corpse on the cheek.

"Link!" Zelda calls out, concerned for his safety. Link makes no sound as he focuses on the reanimated corpse moving in front of him.

"Was that the sword that seals the darkness? A blade that shatters so easily against my power cannot save you from me." It groans, slowly standing, vile pops and squelches coming from its body. "Zelda..." It drones, her eyes widening at the call of her name. Her breath wavers as she moves closer to Link, who the corpse is now directing its attention too.

"You, who carries that fragile sword." Its words are filled with disdain, "are Link." Link faulters, but only for a second as the corpse continues.

Finally, at its full height, it looks down upon the two Hylians, "Rauru placed his faith in you..." He looks almost smug, "and that was all you could do?"

"How do you know our names?" The corpse ignores Zelda's question as the strange substance that previously attacked them bursts out of its chest once more, flying towards the ceiling. It crumples piece by piece, shaking the ground below.

As Link's arm begins to radiate with pain, he hears the Princesses voice before succumbing to darkness.

---

A shiver ran up your spine randomly as you walk throughout your home. Your eyes were heavy as look around you for signs of unusual. Your apartment was dark and quiet, not strangle for the nighttime. Coming up with nothing odd, you shrug it off and back into your bedroom, closing the door behind you.

You sigh as you enter the comfort of your own bedroom, sitting down on your bed. You look at the time on your phone, 1:43am. You throw your phone down lightly and stare at your ceiling. You close your eyes and think of the dreams you had the previous nights, trying to come up with anything that you could explain to your therapist. You couldn't remember much, only faint hints of faces that became more and more unclear as you slowly drifted off into sleep.

---

The air around you feels warm, welcoming even. It envelopes you in a hug, and you can feel the sun beaming down on you snuggle deeper into what feels like grass.

Grass? That was strange. You open your eyes, covering them instantly when the sun enters them. It takes a second before moving to look at your surroundings. You were in the center of a large field, a few buildings far in the distance. Standing up slowly, you move your in front of you to keep your balance, your legs must've fallen asleep.

You stretch your arms above your head, attempting to get all of the sleep out of you. You stay relaxed, assuming this to be a dream. You don't feel all completely here, so it must be the case, right?

"Excuse me? Are you alright." A soft voice comes from behind you. You quickly turn around, coming face to face with a tan woman with long blond hair. Her arms and legs were covered in white markings, and her face was filled with concern. She moves closer to you, stopping when you move back in fear.

"Do you know who I am?" She frowns when you shake your head. She slowly moves closer to you, tilting her head in confusion, "Are you friends with Zelda?"

"Zelda? Who's Zelda." You question, causing the woman to pout. She cups her chin, assumingly to think, smiling when she is gifted with an idea.

"You should come with me." She speaks gently, "Me and my husband can help you." She moves her hand out for you to take.

You didn't know whether to trust her or not. You just met her but judging by her kind expression and willingness to help, you saw no issue with going with her. Either way, this was just a dream, so there's no harm. You walk up to her and take her hand, the woman smiling when you do so.

"I'm Sonia." She says, looking at you. You relax slightly, telling her your name as she leads you towards your destination.

---

Link no longer cares about time. The days and nights blend together without a care in the world, and Link does not blink an eye.

He wonders what Hylia has in store for him, subjecting him to this cruel fait again, right when he was starting to become acclimated to the world around him.

To take his memories from him, his powers from him, the only person he loved from him, he wonders what path she has for him, and if it will ever end.

Link no longer cares about his own wellbeing. Eating whatever food he can find, slaying any enemy with little remorse, traveling the skies and the depths of Hyrule with little fear. He no longer cares about the idea of hurting himself, not after everything was taken from him. Now, he wonders if death is the quickest way back to you.

The last time Link remembered being at peace was when he was with you. When you would brush his hair and talk to him about your research, never ending sentences spilling from your lips, not that he cared because he loved hearing your voice. When you would make him fancy dinners after being away from each other, when you would read to him as he fell asleep.

His favorite memory was when you first moved in with him, he was so nervous. He wanted to keep you with him, forever, and the best way to do that was moving in together. He spent weeks decorating the house to your liking, making sure everything was perfect, so when you finally came, it would be so nice you wouldn't want to leave.

But you did.

You left him all alone, to deal with the Calamity, the Upheaval.

Now, he sleeps alone in his bed in Terry Town, wondering if there was a way to bring you back to him. Maybe, if he did good, Hylia would gift you to him. Either that or he goes insane, because what would all his hard work be for.

---

It's your luck that Sonia takes you to a literal castle. It was large, in the center of the land, and screamed power. Sonia didn't seem too shocked at your surprise, in fact she seemed to revel in it, leading your through hallways and corridors until reaching the throne room.

The Throne Room was long and spacious, the ceiling was draped with blue cloths, strange symbols decorating the whole room. There were only two people in the room, a strange animal human hybrid who looked similar to a goat, and a young girl who looked similar to Sonia. They were making small talk before you walked in, turning towards you when you two walk in.

"(Y/N)?" The girl says, looking at you confused. She steps carefully towards you, eyeing your pajamas, which definitely looked weird compared to the flowy dress wear they were all wearing. She extends a handout to cup your face, her fingers shaking as they touch your skin.

You tense up at her touch, eyes darting from her to the man behind her, who moves closer to you slowly. "Is it really you?" She asks in a whisper. The man moves over to Sonia, his long hair flowing with him. He stands next to her and gives the two of you a confused look.

"Do they know each other?" The man asks. Sonia gives him coy smile.

"I guess so."

Suddenly, the girl is hugging you, wrapping you up so tight you could barely breath. Tears wet your shoulder as you awkwardly attempt to console the stranger. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm the person you're looking for." You pat her on the back, trying to pull away. She pulls back, still holding your arms giving you a muddled look.

"W-what do you mean?" She furrows her brows, tears still in her eyes. "You're (Y/N), right?" She gives a nervous smile, "I'm Zelda, remember?"

You shake your head, not remembering a thing. Zelda drops her hands back to her side, looking a way slightly before excusing herself, leaving the Throne Room in a hurry.

"Zelda!" The man calls out but was too late, Zelda was gone before he could say a word. The man looks at you apologetically, wrapping his arm around Sonia's waist.

"I apologize, she's been through, a lot, to say the least." He offers a smile similar to Sonia, one filled with warmth and compassion. "I am King Rauru, ruler of Hyrule." He gestures to Sonia, "And this is my wife, I'm assuming the two of you have meant.

You nod and Sonia laughs, "She appeared her similar to that of Zelda. I wonder if the two are related."

Rauru nods and the room was silent for a moment, your nervous shifting directing the attention to you. You cough and mess with the hem of your shirt, "So, what is this place anyway?"

Rauru becomes stiff, "You've never heard of Hyrule?" He frowns when you shake your head.

"Well that sure is strange." Sonia says with hint of curiosity, her husband shaking his head at her words. He looks at you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"So, you must be from another world?" He watches as confusion and then understanding flash across your face.

"Oh, a dream." You laugh "This is all just a dream." You giggled to yourself, moving away from Rauru and Sonia as your demeanor suddenly becomes carefree.

Rauru lets out a small laugh at your behavior, watching as you move throughout the halls with an air of playfulness. "They sure are strange." He says whispering to his wife. She nods, hair bouncing with her movements.

"Oh, yes they are." She pauses, looking up at her husband with a knowing smile. "Should we tell them?"

Rauru shakes his head, "No, I think not."

---

Link awoke from the memory with a loud gasp, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He moves away from the pool of water, not caring to wait for it to settle.

So that's where you were. In the past, with Zelda. He inhales, a pleased smile creeping onto his face. He grabs his hand, well, Rauru's hand, and cradles it on his chest. He knows this is the closest he's been to you in a long time, this hand is the only thing linking you to him.

Link wonders if he'd ever get to see you again. If you'd bless him with your presence once more and he could finally feel piece. Or, if he'd been forced to deal with your death, again.

He doesn't know if he couldn't handle it.

He knows he couldn't handle it.

So, as he stares into the palm of this strange hand, he makes a vow to you. To find you, and bring you home, and never let you out of his sight again.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #legend of zelda x reader #yandere legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom x reader #yandere tears of the kingdom #yandere link x reader #legend of zelda #breath of the wild #breath of the wild x reader #yandere breath of the wild

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isa-ah · 4 months

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yup! so about that au... what's mob's feelings about teru? does he care about him? does he try to give him the benefit of the doubt? does he hate everything about him but thinks he's attractive? would love to know lol

so to answer that I'm gunna explain that the au is structured like this:

canonically, mogami wants to teach mob to be selfish, and to draw from negative emotions. he uses minori to do it; she bullies him until he snaps and mogami lets him reawaken to his powers in a violent context.

in this au, teruki comes with to the exorcism and ends up possessed to bait mob. except once mogamis in his head he's like oh YOU get it. that's exactly how teru was living as a kid. so you're going to teach him what you already knew how to do.

so mob wakes up in the mirror world freshly transferred to black vinegar and is immediately latched on to by edano and other boys in his gang. this draws terus attention to mob after a few weeks and he starts isolating him to bully himself (terus pretty obsessed w mob anyway, so that thread gets pulled, but also 🏳️‍🌈❓).

it builds until mob awakens to his powers to get teru off his back and teru pounces on it for a hierarchy fight immediately. he's ELATED to find another esper (in the show he says he has so many questions / stop rejecting me / don't leave me) so they throw down but mobs powers are tuned to lose the fight, so teru snaps him up to be his guard dog.

from terus perspective he's just found the perfect disciple. they're two of a kind. and he becomes VERY possessive of mob, and in turn, mob has the traits easily influenced & deeply loyal, so even if he feels prickly about terus attitude, he sucks like a magnet to his hip anyway bc hes the closest thing mob has to a friend.

they're both very lonely and ultimately scared kids right. so the enmeshment is pretty immediate and they start spending about all their time together bc the alternative is an empty grey city. mob fights most of terus fights for him, and thru it develops a much more physical outlet for his emotions (as opposed to verbal gentleness that is largely taught by reigen).

which.. leads to rubs when teru does stupid shit to get mobs attention and it works Too Well bc mob has no idea how to communicate it so he gets In terus personal space, pushes him around, gives him these autistic Stares but ultimately neither of them actually know how to wrangle the like oh God he's a life raft to me and I want to kiss him emotions so they act out stupid instead.

it's like.. idk I want to see their traits laid out in a more toxic light but also they're still obsessed with each other. and ultimately yeah mob does learn to be a lot more selfish and to use his powers for personal gain and teruki has to experience what his life would have been like if mob didn't check him. for fun. and flavor.

and boy does it make for the most awkward post arc reunion ever bc they get back to reality and reigen and dimple are like OH THANK GOD and then they look at each other and it's like. uhm. where do I even start lmfao

I have a lot of specific scenes in mind but mostly that's the gist. pls feel free to talk to me about it tho it's my pet project

#icmhwau #i can make him worse au tag i guess #ill go back and tag the art

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antianakin · 8 months

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Hi, I'm not sure if you are watching the Ahsoka show but I'm currently watching it and notice that with this "the jedi were corrupt and lost their way" thing people say has been re awaken, and I would love to hear what you think about that. Personaly, I don't think the jedi were in the wrong.

I did watch the Ahsoka show, much to the detriment of my own mental health. I will NOT be watching any second season of it or the "Heir to the Empire" film or whatever that's coming down the pipeline and I am seriously considering abandoning the entire Mandoverse at this point as a result of my feelings about this show. The single exception I might make to that is if TBOBF gets a second season because I do want to support Temuera Morrison and Ming-Na Wen even if the material they get continues to suck.

As for Filoni's completely blatant anti-Jedi bullshit, it's stupid. People will believe what they want to believe and a lot of other blogs have given some really well-written and thought out explanations as to WHY the Jedi weren't "corrupt" at all and didn't "lose their way" that will probably be better than anything I can come up with right now. I've done a few of my own at different points, too, I think. So I'll try to do a brief summary of my thoughts on the matter.

The basic gist is that the narrative of the Prequels was not ever that the Jedi were corrupt and that's why everything else happened. They are not the cause of basically ANYTHING in the story, they do not move the plot at almost any point. They're constantly reacting to things and then having shit happen to them. The Jedi do not parallel Anakin's own fall (nor do they cause it), the REPUBLIC does. Anakin's fall is paralleled by the fall of the Republic and the Senate. It's the SENATE that Palpatine is also corrupting, it's the SENATE that's being run by fear and arrogance, it's the SENATE that keeps making the active choice to allow Palpatine to win things (THEY'RE the ones who vote him in, THEY'RE the ones who vote to go to war, THEY'RE the ones who keep giving him executive powers, and THEY'RE the ones who allow the Empire to come to power and cheer in the end) while the Jedi are CONSTANTLY trying to stop the Sith and ultimately stop Palpatine.

The Jedi are there to represent the health of the galaxy. The more Jedi there are, the better it's doing. If we ignore all of the supplemental stuff, there are 10,000 Jedi or so in TPM. Then one dies and it's the beginning of the end. Almost 200 die in AOTC and a galactic civil war begins. And then all but TWO are killed in ROTS and the Empire rises. Then Luke shows up with the barest of Jedi training and the Rebellion gets their first major win with the destruction of the Death Star. And when Luke fully comes into his own as a Jedi and declares it, the Rebellion beats the Empire and Palpatine dies.

That's literally it. The Jedi are a symbol for the health of the galaxy. They fall because Anakin and the galaxy around them lose their way and turn on the Jedi.

But outside of a few notable exceptions (like the Obi-Wan Kenobi show), everything written since the Prequels came out has started to hit on this particular theme. The Jedi weren't necessarily EVIL, but they WERE weak. They failed. They were arrogant. They were blind. They were out of touch and old-fashioned. This pops up in TCW (in particular season 7, but there's hints of it in earlier seasons too), Rebels, the Cal Kestis video games, Tales of the Jedi, and of course now the Ahsoka show and very very likely the upcoming Acolyte show. It's pervasive as shit and it's annoying and it's WRONG.

So it's not exactly SHOCKING that Felony wrote that theme into a show about Ahsoka. If there was any show we could GUARANTEE was going to have that sentiment expressed, it would've been this one. But it's also part of a much larger pattern that goes beyond Felony, too. And this is why it feels SO SO HARD to hope that at some point we might actually get a Jedi positive piece of media in Star Wars again. GENUINELY Jedi positive, not just lifting up a few special characters while dismissing the entire Order or having what few Jedi characters we've got left actively choosing to abandon some of the things that are intrinsic to what it means to be a Jedi.

The Jedi were never wrong. The Jedi were ALWAYS ALWAYS RIGHT. That's the whole point. The Jedi were right, and they were killed for it. But audiences didn't want to hear it any more than the people of the galaxy far far away did, so now we just keep getting stories about how the Jedi were wrong even though it goes against everything Lucas intended his story to be about.

#star wars #jedi #pro jedi #pro jedi order #pro jedi culture #jedi order appreciation #jedi culture appreciation #ahsoka show #ahsoka spoilers

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megabuild · 28 days

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so you like transfem etho right? how do you think she figured it out?

did pause call her a girl once and etho decided she liked it or was there more thought involved

i don't think she ever "figured it out" in the way most people would but that's mainly because i see etho as having a very weird upbringing. she was very lonely as a child and didn't really start meeting people from wider society who treated her like a human but also would inflict gender roles on her until mindcrack when she was like... mid 20s. and yeah there definitely was a bit of teasing there but i don't think it really awakened anything in her more just confused her. if you pushed him about a bit and called him a girl insultingly he'd be like ? No I'm not. Because he has lived so far detached from society he can't even conceptualise the idea of feminity being a "weakness" yet #feminist but also he was raised to play very particular roles and wear very particular masks and girl is not and never has been one of them, he is a Guy, theres no questioning that.

But then yeah of course there is because she leaves mindcrack on pretty bad terms and spends some short time alone before she gets pulled onto hermitcraft and while she's sitting alone she does eventually realise oh, people can do that, people can change. And that fucking terrifies her, so much, because she already has horrible identity issues and doesn't really fully understand it so to her it's an all or nothing 100% change of self, and that's sort of awesome in a way but also really scary because that means rejecting literally everything about herself both past and present and she goes AHHHH FUCK and puts that back in the box and then xisuma recruits her like at the end of iron man when they were setting up the avengers movie. And she goes to hermitcraft and doesn't think about any of that for a really long time despite the never ending horrors happening all the time.

In my head he sort of. Doesn't Get Over It but he comes to terms with all the weird shit that happened to him when he was younger re: 404 and the LP between HC 5 and 7 like he was away on a soul searching mission. And then HC7 has its own fresh nightmares as he comes to terms with HC5 because that was a can of worms itself but this time the difference is that he has friends around him who gets it and can help him. And this is roundabout the time she starts to think about it more because she gets quite close to grian post-mycelium resistance and grian is a trans girl who takes estrogen and everything which is like, everything etho was terrified of, and they have some very clumsy and candid conversations where grian is definitely Not the best person to talk to because she's like well you're fucking stupid. But after talking to her and maybe cleo a bit too though idk if they would have been close enough at that point and bdubs too because while he doesn't know anything about this he knows a lot about etho, she eventually realises wow this doesn't have to be a new mask or a massive upheaval this is just something i can try out on the side if i like it. And so she does! Originally just with her absolute closest friends using she/her sometimes (she ends up using he/she alternately, because she doesn't really have any problem with he/him) and while she never formally Comes Out because that's not her style it spreads until most people use it.

Etho is very much a character of certainty imo, he likes rigid ideas when it comes to himself so he knows what to live up to, so i think not making her label her gender (or sexuality except that's. A different can of worms albeit a slightly less complicated one) is a bit of a character growth thing as much as it is a personal decision. Learning he can not constantly stress over the finer details or try to live up to what others decide he should be whether that's a man or a woman or something else entirely and just accepting that she's herself, and that's her own choice, is a Big Thing for her. though i don't know if she recognises that .

#anon #asks #sorry for the ramble i think about her sooo much so hard #i have no idea if she would take e i think surgery is off the table she has too much bad experience but also isn't that bothered #she might take it for a short while and then stop.. im not sure. its a fantasy world also so .

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streets-in-paradise · 6 months

Text

Nightfall Enchantress - Dastan x (Fem)Servant!Reader

Requested by Anon

" hi hi, loved loved loved the Dastan fic btw. Was wondering if u could write another Dastan fic but with a maid who has a fake scar on her face that she puts on in the morning to prevent ppl taking advantage of her and Dastan sees her without it. tytyty and ty especially for writing for Dastan 😭 "

Hi! Thank you so much again for your sweet message and I hope you will enjoy this one too 😊

Warnings: AU were Tamina married Tus, the reader is her handmaid. ( Since Alamut has excellent make up artists, i thought introducing her like this would be great for the specific plot of the request) Fear of sexual assault experienced as a woman in the defeated side of war, reader is particularly sensitive about it because of her backstory.

Summary: After the persian invasion, your princess finds herself circunstantially forced to accept the marriage proposal of the eldest prince. Following her as loyal servant means you would be working for a different family and you are unsure of the protection they can grant you. By choice and chance, your kind encounters with the youngest prince start to modify your perception as he would try to show you that you have nothing to fear.

Note: This partially ignores the bigger conflict of the film. i'm borrowing the context it introduces as framework to develop a different thing.

Tags: @thorssweetheart

Orders were very clear and in any other situation, you would have fullfilled those with dedicated rigurosity. Tamina was sumitting the enemy to a proof of character, even during sujugation her wisedown exceeded.

Persians were threatening her life and that was an exception you couldn't tolerate, so you screamed against the sentence demmanding your princess' blood for the negatory to a political marriage to their future king. The loyal display of desperated concern deviated the attention to you for an instant.

" Eager to share her fate, girl? " Prince Tus mocked you, condemning the interruption. " The princess has choosen pride to be her demise."

Surprisingly for him, the extention of the threats managed to break her haughty resistance.

" STOP!!" She screamed, her tone yet sounding slightly softer. " ... She is like a sister to me."

Confussion awakened his curiosity, desire and greed probably mixing to the unexpected fact being revealed to him.

" Sister, you say? Well, that changes everything!" He sarcastically proclaimed, obtaining laughter from his crowd of soldiers. " If she is as fine as you, more than one arrangement can be made. "

In a matter of instants you were dragged closer so the Princes of Persia could inspect you, Tus presenting you to his brother as if you were a stolen item possibly about to be offered.

" Check her out, Garsiv. "

Excitement overcame the hot headed persian, lascivious smile on his face as he felt so close to possessing a smiliar beauty to take as wife. The claims of the princess made them mistake you for a noble and the richness of Alamut was such that you weren't distinguishable from one to the persian eye. Despite your looks were humbler than Tamina's, you were in all white and cloaked as most of the people from the temple.

A wiser observator could have realized that your clothing style matched with the princess' because you were her handmaid, her company servant, but there wasn't a single well oriented mind there other than hers.

Details were in his way to get a full visual. The hood had the covering support of your long, voluminous hair at the sides of your face. It was clear that Prince Garsiv wasn't precisely a patient man, but he paid the price of his arrogant approach. Once the hood fell back, abruptly and by his own hand, he stumbled with some unexpected imperfections.

A huge scar on the left side of your face going from your forehead to your chin, deforming what otherwise could have been a beautifull face. Your hair acted as curtain trying to cover most of it, but in his avid examination the prince made it fall back for full exposure.

The result wasn't of his liking,

" … Maybe Dastan would rather have her. "

More persian laughter followed his despective comment, but that didn't hurt you in the slightlest. In fact, you looked proud of humilliating the enemy by subverting his expectations.

Checking on the reactions you got with a satisfaction that was beyond their understanding, you noticed at least one man in the crowd not joining the mockery. Your glance collided with Tamina's in his direction for completely different reasons.

You were staring at him while she saw the dagger and wherever the sacred object would go, she would follow.

" Prince Tus … " Tamina called, her tone making him suspect a reconsideration. " Promise that the people of Alamut will be treated with mercy. "

The eldest prince seiled the agreement kissing the back of her hand with agressive passion, gesture that you found repulsive. While Garsiv was quite amused with your disgusted reaction, you barely cared because your eyes were following the sad confussion of the man keeping the dagger.

Most handsome man you have ever seen.

For a brief instant, his eyes found you and you smiled instinctively.

" I guess we still have to figure out what are we going to do with you. " The voice of Garsiv brought you back from the distraction. " I'm not sure you are Dastan's type."

He referenced the scene you both witnessed, the shade of dissapointment on the prince's face when comfronted with the beauty of the princess at the same moment it was clear that she would never be his.

The sad man was his youngest brother, the one to blame for the fall of the city.

" Actually, i'm her handmaid. We grew up together so i'm also like the sister she never had. " You clarified, pridefully. " One fact doesn't exclude the other, my blood doesn't matter when it comes to our affection. "

" Tamina must have had a solitary life here, i bet Tus will fix that. " He concluded, then proceeded to comment regarding the strange family bond " And I understand that better than what you imagine, girl. My little brother doesn't share my blood. "

Even if he wouldn't want you for himself, he was sure you could get along well with his adoptive brother. Despite it was most likely you were going to remain as handmaid of the bride after the wedding, your company could provide him comfort through the situation. While Garsiv just wanted to cheer up his brother, Tamina had her own private interests involved to consent your kind approach to him. His trust could grant her access to the dagger and you knew she wasn't going to toss aside her pride to win it.

Aside from all the interests involved, the first close encounter happened spontaneously. The melancholy in Dastan's heart was evident to anyone with a sensitive perception and despite all the destruction he caused, it sadden you.

The very first thing you did as soon as you were left alone with him was gifting him a small white flower you kept hidden in your outfit.

" For your heartbreak. " You explained while posing it on his hand. " If it works as consolation, I know Tamina well enough to grant you that she doesn't want him. Prince Tus is still unaware that he will have to prove his worth to her through the marriage if he really wants to get something out of it, and she is very demmanding. "

You managed to make him chuckle.

" I appreciate this, but my brother's marriage shouldn't be of my concern. " He pointlessly denied. " … And your princess is insufferable. "

The efforts for hidding his true opinion of the matter were slightly cute.

" Peraphs, to you, but she is beautifull. That's really all men need to loose reason. " You called him out. " Beauty turns men into beasts, brothers into enemies. It's a curse in disguise, they go blind of desire. "

He quickly noticed how your phrasing posicionated you as self perceived outside the concept.

" … And I suppose you think yourself beyond that. "

" Less gracefull girls don't have to worry about that. " You inmediately explained. " As a royal maid, it's a blessing. "

Unlike his brother, he understood exactly what you meant.

Wisedown of the streets, far away from the narrowed vision on a noble warlord's mindset.

" Less men inclined to annoy you and possibly hurt you. " Dastan continued, proving that understandment." … Or attention coming only from the ríght man. "

You weren't expecting that, too wise for a persian prince.

" I'm hideous and, for so, safer than my own princess. There are no arrogant warriors seeking to take advantage of me."

"Allow me to return the kindness you had with me, you aren't as repelling as you pride yourself in being. " He purred, sweetly approaching to caress your face. " I don't think this is a problem."

You shunned his touch with despair, terrified of it.

" I grant you that I'm nothing like those men. " He clarified, then smiled before proceeding to do what he considered was comforting you. " I could never hurt you ... and why would I do that? After you have been nothing but kind with me for no reason. I invaded your city and you gifted me a flower, it makes no sense in the sweetest way."

"Even enemies can show respect." You concluded. " And I firmly believe that simple acts of kindness can twist fates for good. "

For some reason you couldn't yet understand, your words seemed to had hit him deep.

" Me too." Dastan replied right away. " I'm pretty much the living proof of your philosophy, believe it or not."

You smiled and looked down for an instant.

" Your methods go against the persian warfare style, that's for sure. Sneaking inside the city instead of going for a direct clash? You fight like a greek."

He laughed, full loud chuckles that time.

" You can consider that kindness. " He explained later. " The attack that my brothers planned was going to be a massacre, so what I did was stopping it the only way I could."

Dastan sounded sincere and you knew he was, because he had no reason to seek impressing you. As far as you knew, his imposibility to marry Tamina darkened the triumph in his heart.

" I see you are not like them." You admitted out loud. " That's why I feel the treasure may be safe with you for now, as long as you don't let it fall in the wrong hands."

" You mean in Tus's hands?" He wondered out loud. " Are you trying to turn us against each other for your princess? "

You laid your hand in his, the one that still held your flower.

" You have good hands, strong enough to take a life but guided with the wiseness to spare it ... No hunger for unecesary slaughter."

He was enjoying the attention, you could tell he was flatered. When he noticed your glance descending, checking his frame, then stopping right at his hips he was full of himself thinking you were enjoying of the sight.

" The dagger in your belt is an ancient relique, keep it safe. "

Dastan didn't catch the full dimension of your warning, but the brief time you shared did manage to make him feel better. His best friend catched him smelling the flower and twirling it on his fingers a while after you circunstantially parted ways.

He did tease him over it, but believing it was a token of Tamina.

All what was left to secure the political marriage Tus seeked with her for not so political reasons was waiting for the arrival of King Sharaman. According to the estimations of Lord Nizam, the father of the groom was close and any matters of that sort had to be arranged by him. His blessing would determinate which one of his sons would marry the princess, not that she seemed convinced by any of them.

As a protective friend, you would advice the youngest was the best option. Not only he was keeping the dagger, you were rooting for him already. However, the fact that you started to like him made things difficult. It could be said you had trapped yourself in the very same situation Dastan was going through, only your case was considerably more hopeless.

Two persian princes trying desperately to avoid fighting for the princess of Alamut was one thing, but her handmaid laying eyes on one was simply unforgivable. The transgression it meant didn't matter to you as much as the breaking of your pacted scheme with Tamina to survive the fall.

It was too risky, you were safer the way you planned it. Even if you could make Dastan want you, it could only be for the only thing somewhat allowed between masters and servants. Once his fun with you would be over, every other man in the persian court would want to try you. Being a royal handmaid in Alamut implied being submitted to high standards, your purity was as unquestioned as the princess you served.

Before their invasion got to happen, you ratified her that you preferred death to persian hands and you intended to stick to that promise. Continuing your life of maiden away from the temple, watching her become a wife and remain by her side was what you had to do. If she had to marry Tus, then you were going to serve a persian family following the code of conduct established by the noble traditions of your city.

If she had to marry Dastan, your heart will break just a bit, but your goal of remaining intact would be stronger than ever. Invisible, undesirable to persian eyes, you were not only safer but way more usefull to the interests of your people and their sacred mission that couldn't be interrumpted.

The main supply for your facade was still inside the temple, left behind accidentally in the confussion. Nightfall had made you aware of that, when your dear friend helped you to clean up your face for a proper rest that was circunstantially delayed. Sneaking in hopes of recovering the valuable loss was the only solution, since it was most likely that persians already pillaged all the storages. The place was under their control, so reaching the temple unseen was nearly impossible.

Not to you, or at least you thought so.

In the middle of the road you wanted to move forward, but someone made it impossible. Dastan, pretending to just be going for a walk, was clearly awaiting for the end of your day serving the princess. You weren't scared anymore, but that didn't mean you wanted him to see your clean face.

Twice he begged you to stop and you acelerated the pace, but there wasn't going to be a third one. His strong arms trapped you and stopped your every movement for an instant before you began to struggle.

" Calm down!" He exclaimed prior to defending himself. " I'm not going to hurt you, i just want to talk. "

You believed him, but that didn't make you stop.

" Not a good time, let me go. "

Dastan held you tíght, making you perfectly able to feel his body against yours even if he didn't seek so.

You were like a precious load, not a prisoner. The struggle turned out in his favor on the worst possible end: your hood fell back. Exposed once more, you could only look at him with a wondering expression.

Inmediate mesmerizement was what he felt looking at your real image for the first time, he simply couldn't believe his eyes. His lips parted with pure amazement, to what you were only smiling innocently as if you tried to excuse yourself from the scheme.

What kind of miracle was he witnessing? Not only your scar was gone, your face looked completely different. The sweet woman he had already considered quite pretty regardless of her specifical flaw was in fact a divine beauty, her natural grace had nothing to envy in Tamina's.

" I hope you won't believe now that i'm a desperate slave girl. " You recalled, aware of the princess comments on who she imagined were the girls that Dastan preferred. " I didn't meant to be seen like this, even less by you."

Dastan wasn't thinking clearly, bitting his bottom lip furiously as if he intended to keep his mouth shut before he could try to kiss you.

" You are … breathtaking. " Was what he finally managed to say. " The most beautifull woman I have ever seen. "

It made you smile, then look down ignoring that the shying gesture would make your eyes land on his chest giving the compromising position.

" It's a secret, one more i'm asking you to keep. " You started to explain. " Only the priests and my lady have seen me like this. "

The revelation was a bit frustrating to him.

"How? Why?" He wondered out loud. " That's so unfair … you are so beautifull I could cry! "

Although you tried to keep serious, you couldn't help chuckling.

" It's a long story … "

He wasn't going to leave you untill his curiosity would be satisfied.

" I have all the time in the world. "

" Remember what I told you, about the dagger? " You attempted to approach the topic from an already established point. " There is real magic in Alamut, that we can sometimes combine with other great skills we have developed. Among other things, the city has excellent artists of the appearance. Tamina's looks are a reflect of that, the religious symbols on her skin are painted every single day and removed by nightfall ... and so do my scars. Experts of all sort downgrade my looks into what you have meet."

" Under your princess orders, surely. " He wrongfully accused. " I bet that arrogant spoiled girl can't handle having a servant as beautifull as her. In my humble perception, peraphs even more. "

You couldn't let him trash the reputation of your beloved princess.

" It's not what you think, Tamina has been wonderfull to me all my life. There has never been any sort of envy between us, she is my protector. "

" She forces you into a disguise because her beauty reflects her nobility and yours can't question it. " He insisted. " Not being born a noble doesn't erase the fact that you have the face of a princess and the heart of one. "

" You don't know what you are saying, I submit myself to it willingly and I have valid reasons to do it." You cutted him off. " I don't expect you to understand it, even when you seem more open than your brothers."

He lifted your chin so your eyes won't escape his.

" Then explain me, because without it, this seems an act of cruelty from the princess and i believe it needs to end. "

You tried to escape from his touch once more, out of shame regardless of your enjoyment.

" Alamut thrives to stay pure, away from any sort of corruption, but years ago an execrable act was commited on its holy ground and i'm its product … My mother commited suicide after giving birth, she couldn't stand the shame, and I became an orphan. Kindness stopped the regent from abandoning me to the fate of orphan girls outside the citadel, of ending up just like my mother."

Dastan knew what you were talking about, girls living in the streets would sooner or later get sold to brothels. You were born from rape and feared that as a mark of fate chasing you.

" The priests consulted the omens and they were amazed. They recommended I should be given to the princess to flourish with her because they knew that I would become an exceptionally fair girl. My innocence was proven in that prophecy, believing beauty was a sign of blessing showing the gods weren't blaming me for what happened. "

" I could totally believe you were blessed by your gods." He sweetly praised you. " I still don't understand how you weren't made a princess."

" The royalty of Alamut is strictly dynastical because it's the sacred keeper of a mystical secret. " You simply explained. " They didn't need to make me one of them in order to protect me."

" I'm an orphan made prince, the king gave me a family after watching me save my friend." He pridefully confessed you. " He could have made me Garsiv's servant, but he didn't. I'm a prince, his son, and his birth sons are my brothers."

" I'm a handmaid loved as a sister of the princess and that's enough for me. " You concluded. " When we realized we weren't little girls anymore and the eyes of men started to turn on us, Tamina promised me she wasn't going to let me suffer desecration. Together we elaborated this scheme. I have been wearing the fake scar since then, but I have asked to be made uglier on purpose when your army arrived to our gates because I knew your savages would end up fighting over who should steal my purity. Even without her artists, Tamina can still help me to create the disguise, but I need the supplies that were abandoned on that temple or otherwise all the persians will see me like this tomorrow morning"

There was real desperation in your voice tone at the end of your tale and it broke his heart.

" No more hidding. You won't need that anymore, because now I'm promising you that the bastard trying to lay a hand on you will fall by my blade "

He took your hand and kindly kissed your knuckles: a deal of prince.

" Would you protect me from your brothers? Or your friends? "

The mere implications were incredibly misguided.

" They are all good men, you just have to give them time and a little bit of trust. I know the enforced marriage on your princess doesn't make Tus look good, but he isn't like that. Neither are Garsiv, or Bis. If you trust me, you can totally trust them."

" I didn't trust you this willingly." You reminded him. " It was an accident."

"For much you struggled, I could tell you feel safe in my arms." Dastan commented, sensation that you shared. " And that is alright, the tragedy of your family is not a birth curse forcing you to hide from the world. We make our own destiny, my fair friend. "

The persian prince craved to kiss your lips, but he self restrained and kissed your forehead instead. Chaste display of his growing, intense affection on tone with the conversation. He liked you and could tell you felt the same, but rushing steps was counterproductive.

If he wanted to do things right, he had to start by making you feel safe beyond the promise of physical protection. He had to show you there was nothing to fear because, once living among them, the fierce persians weren't precisely the rouge barbarians in your nightmares.

On the next morning, you were cassualy re-introduced to everyone. Dastan asked you to accompany him on a walking tour arround the place in your role of local that knew the new territory better than him. During the occasion you told him bits of the local legends, and the saftest part to share of what you knew about the dagger hoping the fading of his skepticism would make him able to understand he had to give it back to Tamina.

She would get it as a wedding gift, he assured you, implying his intentions with her were over.

Your return granted a good oportunity to put his idea on practice, since Bis was already desperatedly looking for him under orders of the princes. When they looked at you, the three men were wondering if the thirst of battle had severely modified their perceptions the day before.

" Garsiv! So nice to see you, my brother! " Dastan saluted him, about to friendly mock him. " I accept your offering, the royal handmaid of Alamut is the finest company arround."

" What kind of sorcery is this? " Tus asked for him. " Her face is flawless."

" Cosmetic art, only applied in reverse. During daylight I show myself in disguise and the secrecy of night reveals my true face. " You defended yourself, ignoring the magical aspects in the questioning. " I turned myself undesirable to escape your men, but your clever brother discovered the scheme and this is how I really look like."

The regret on Garsiv's face was a perfect parallel of his initial dissapointment.

" You beautifull deceiver, i'm bafled. " He replicated in a slightly huskier tone." Is it too late to correct my mistakes? "

You answered with a cordial smile.

" The humilliation didn't hurt me in the slightlest, it was exactly what i wanted. Your disdain convinced your soldiers of staying away from me, I played you … Why should I be upset? "

The answer pleased him.

" If you put it in those terms, i guess you do believe in second chances. "

He was trying to keep it up with some uneffective flirting, but he wouldn't be the only one.

" My lord, with all the deserved respect, it's still important to remember she is beneath a man of your rank and prestige " Bis interrupted, then approached you. " Wouldn't you rather pick a humble man that would give you everything he has? Which isn't much, by the way, but for beauty like yours I would give it all. "

The surprise made you chuckle.

" Dastan should keep her, he discovered the secret. " Tus commented, amused by the situation. " Surprisingly, he is the only one she couldn't deceive. "

" Stop, all of you, before you start scaring her for real. " The youngest prince complained, then redirected his attention to you once more. " Still afraid, my nightfall enchantress? "

The threatening aspects had faded, at least two persians had humilliated themselves for you.

" Not so much, I believe peraphs we had mutually misjudged. "

Dastan had the last word, and his reason was the most convincing of all.

" I never did, I thought you were beautifull from the beggining. "

#prince of persia #prince of persia:the sands of time #dastan #jake gyllenhaal #dastan x reader #jake gyllenhaal x reader

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