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omiscurls · 3 years

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Hi! I recently saw a comfort scenario you made and it was absolutely lovely, so sweet, you wrote down the characters so well and you could notice how tender and thoughtful you were about handling a difficult subject, thank you for doing so! If you don’t mind, could you please also do a comfort scenario with zhongli, thoma, ayaka and xinqiu( if it’s too much characters just the first 2 please ) with a reader who has been working non stop ( literally non stop, everyday until late hours for months now ) and one day they melt down? Health wise- nauseous to the point of now being able to walk without feeling like they will throw up, can’t stand up or focus, can’t sleep, stomachache, shaking ( the symptoms of labyrinthitis but hard core ) They don’t even realize it’s a bit mentally too when they start crying out of anxiety from thinking they won’t have time to do all of their work and “this shouldn’t be the time to be weak”, today I had one of those and I need s bit of comfort, I’m currently working my ass off and I feel so guilty I had this “health meltdown “ because I don’t want to leave my work buddies hanging, I know it’s a bit specific so you don’t have to do it if you are not comfortable with the subject, thank you in advance and hope you have a good day :)

limits

a/n when i saw your ask, i wanted to do it almost immediately, as soon as possible, but i have a rule of doing things chronologically so i hope you didn’t wait too long dear!! i hope you enjoy it and please rest when you can, no work is worth putting yourself at risk like that!

edit: i’m sorry this took so long, i had a harsh life situation and couldn’t quite get to writing

plot: reader has an overworking meltdown

contains: zhongli, tohma, xingqiu

warnings: two to three curse words and like one mention of blood, in regards to biting lip, a non-very much detailed description of a panic attack

if you have any preferences: zhongli’s the toughest, tohma’s the fluffiest and xinqiu is the only one who really knows what he’s doing

the most fluffy one is definitely tohma

zhongli

honestly, doesn’t notice for a good long while

his own limits are much further from those of a human being, so it’s a common mistake that he measures something in how much effort would it take HIM

and the answer, usually, is not much, one of the many perks of being a god

however, he’s not dumb, he’s a very perceptive person, so the second things get really bad - he’s already there

“shit” you mumble to yourself, fingers massaging your temples as you try to focus on the text before you “i’ve read this like five times already, why doesn’t it make any sense?”

you try squinting on the page, but it doesn’t help, in fact, the second you widen your eyes again, dark spots cloud your vision, and your head starts spinning, causing a little bit of internal panic set in your gut, as your surroundings melt before you. you grip the table for stability, and try to focus your eyes on one point.

“love?” zhongli suddenly asks, standing behind you “are you feeling alright?”

the question rings a familiar bell in your head, you’ve heard it a lot these past weeks, and honestly, you almost answer how you always do. turning around slowly, you show zhongli the your sickly colored face, eyes foggy and glistening with a thin layer of tears, dark circles forming under them.

“no” you shake your head rapidly, blinking back tears “no, no i’m not”

zhongli approaches you with a worried look, crouching next to your chair. he takes your chin in his fingers and analyzes your condition briefly, before asking further

“physically or mentally?”

you sigh before answering “both”

“well, i think-“ he doesn’t have the chance of sharing what he thinks with you, because you get up, saying you’re gonna throw up, but stumbling over your feet. “hey, watch out” he says worryingly, arms catching you just in time. you honestly want to indulge in the feeling of something warm and strong supporting you, but end up getting yourself together quite quickly, rushing to save yourself the embarrassment.

“sorry” you mumble, but he shakes his head.

“why would you be?” you sense a tiny little hint of anger in his voice, covered by worry and his natural calm, but there’s something there nonetheless. he himself isn’t sure what he’s frustrated, not angry, frustrated about, wether it’s you obviously not taking proper care of himself and taking the means to care for your body, or the situation that put you in this position in the first place.

maybe he’s angry at himself for having little to no clue what to do in a situation like this.

“come” he clears his throat and finally says “i’ll make you ginger water, it’ll help with nausea”

with that, he’s guiding you over to the couch, sitting you down gently, but with way more than enough force, and disappears into the other room for a good while, before coming back with a drink.

“here” he states and when your hand comes into contact with the glass, you can feel it’s ice cold, and your eyes shoot up to face him immediately.

“cold drinks help faster than hot ones” he explains “do drink slowly, though.”

as you decide to taste the surprisingly tasty predicament, the couch dips beside you, and you’re faced with zhongli’s worried eyes when you turn around.

he inhales loudly before asking: “what exactly are you feeling?”

your eyes wander around for a bit, as if in search for the answer, before a shaky breath leaves your throat.

“my head is spinning” you start “i can’t focus, my eyes hurt, my back hurts, fucking everything hurts” your words speed up, along with your breathing, before the last one becomes a sob, your head dropping, eyes facing the floor.

zhongli moves closer to you, hand travelling to rub circles on your arched back.

“do you know why?” he asks, rhetorically, and you scoff in return.

“don’t turn this into a lecture”

“i won’t” he agrees “but the answer’s obvious, you do know that, right?” he nods along once you do, figuring out his next words “what’s even more obvious, though, is that this has got to stop”

his voice is low and commanding, although soft, and you want to agree, you really do.

“i’ll feel guilty if i do” you mumble instead “i much prefer this to feeling guilty. in fact, i’ve had enough of a break already” you put the glass away and attempt to get up, but zhongli’s arm wraps around your waist and pulls you back down.

“i will not allow you to damage yourself further if it’s the last thing i do” he says again “that is not up for debate”

“zhongli, this is not funny-”

“exactly, it’s not, i’m glad we agree on the subject” he pulls you further to his side, resulting in your head resting on the side of his chest.

“what’re you even doing, let me-” you whine, but get interrupted again.

“we” he accentuates “are taking a rest”

you don’t even have the strength to argue with his logic, your assigned seat seeming like the most comfortable place on earth, eyes closing against your will. “fine” you give up “but i’m gonna get back to that in the morning.”

“that is definitely something to be decided, in the morning” he states, leaving you unsure as to wether he agreed or not.

tohma

another one who’s internally panicking because suddenly he doesn’t know anything

but he’s determined to help you, and also more afraid to hurt your feelings than zhongli

like, zhongli would go to any distance to just make you rest, tohma will talk you into it

he’s more on the talking side than the doing one, and he’s just extremely soft, man panics the second he sees a tear on your cheek, so

you bite your lip again, hoping it would somehow wake your brain up and get it to work with you as you search through what seems to be the thousandth page of your paper materials. the metallic taste in your mouth is definitely not a get-me-up material, and you find yourself feeling even more sick than before.

your research slowly becomes a big blur, letters and sentences mixing together, colours combining into one stain before your eyes. you feel your elbow slipping from the desk, and suddenly you’re halfway through to the floor, grasping anything in sight to keep yourself from reaching the hard surface.

your head spins, and throat runs dry, as you pull yourself back up, and decide to get a glass of water. walking out of the study, you’re so focused on keeping on track, that you don’t realize you’re bumping into something, or more likely, someone.

“hey-y, boss...?” tohma uses the nickname he knows always makes you chuckle, eyebrow raising in confusion, as he holds out his arms. “you don’t look to well, y’alright?”

you nod mindlessly, focused only on getting your water, attempting to pass him and keep walking, but he finds himself right before your eyes again.

“well you certainly don’t look so fine” he admits “not like, looks wise, but...” he struggles with his words “ugh, you know what i mean, you look sick” he sighs “and not the good type of sick”

“i know” is all you can mutter, shoulder slouching as you bring your hand over to cover your eyes, bright light of the room suddenly resulting very irritating to you. “i just need to… i need to finish this one thing” you keep explaining.

“don’t you want some help?” tohma replies cheerfully “i bet it’d be both easier and faster to deal with if you had another set of hands to assist you”

“don’t- don’t trouble yourself” you turn your head and try to get rid of that disgusting gulp in your throat that makes you feel like you’re going to puke “i can manage”

tohma gives you a slightly condescending, but well-meant look of worry before moving his hand to do anything, caress your cheek, or soothe the skin on your arm, anything, really, but the moment he does feel your body, it keeps shaking, as if you were cold.

he immediately puts the back of his hand on your forehead, checking for a fever, but there’s no signs of that.

“annoying, i know” you say bitterly “i don’t know why my body’s doing that, either” you take a breath before continuing “i actually don’t know anything about it at all, or so it seems, it’s like I’m on a freaking autopilot or something”

“what do you-“

“i mean that i have no control over what’s happening with me!” you gasp, trying to balance yourself with the help of a nearby wall, tears threatening to spill from your eyes, you don’t even know if it’s because of frustration or just that they’re irritated with no rest. “i can’t sleep, i can’t eat, i can’t do anything right, I can’t even focus on some dumb tasks!” you can feel your breath shallowing, lungs running small, as your head continues to spin and make you dizzy, the feeling vibrating all throughout you “i have to finish this so soon and i really can’t have this happening now, yet-“

“shh” he suddenly shushes you quiet, you stopping out of sheer surprise that he’d interrupt you. “i understand” he speaks really softly, like a contrast to how loud and chaotic you were getting “i have watched you keep on your tippy toes to make this project happen and work it through, and i admire you all the way through, I really do” his voice is filled with so much affection that it feels as if someone poured something warm on your heart, steadying it’s beating. “the amount of work, and devotion, and your own heart that you’ve put into this is astounding to me, and i don’t want you to think like i don’t respect it, or don’t get it, because i do! i do, but-“

he seems to be at a loss of words again, so he just gently grabs your hand and guides you to a big mirror standing in the corridor, your whole bodies visible in the glass.

“look” he says “these are the eyes that need some sleep in order to be able to focus again” his manner of speaking is already warm and fuzzy, and now it seems as if he was talking to a three-year-old, and not you “this skin looks out of colour like this because it lacks some rest and good food, too. and look at your under eyes-“

“that’s the point, tohma! i can’t sleep, even if i want to, my body won’t freaking let me!” tears are staining your face as your chest goes up and down uncontrollably, breathing not wanting to settle.

“all your body needs” he says, wrapping his arms around your waist “is a little bit more care. can you let me do that for you? at least that?”

his touch is really comforting, and the heat radiating off him does nothing but enforce your tiredness. you ultimately nod, feeling defeated, but also reassured in some way.

“thanks” he says, leaving a soft peck on your cheek “let me get to work, for a change, then”

xingqiu

now this one, as i mentioned, this one knows what he’s doing

he’s really quite task-focused, so there’s no convincing him to get off your back, that’s not happening

he’s also very familiar with the concept of overworking, he did spend some sleepless nights on studying, and on his books, he can empathize with you way better

just an expert at work, really

you hear a knocking on your door, or at least your ears hear it, but your brain just registers it as background noise, eyes not daring to leave the sentence you’re writing, afraid you’ll get lost again if you do as much as blink.

the knocking is relentless, but you ignore it anyway, so at some point xingqiu just comes in.

“are your ears not working today?” he asks sarcastically as he places a mug with a warm liquid inside on your desk. “hello?”

your eyes dart away from the paper, searching for his own, and once they do, he immediately furrows his eyebrows in worry.

“well, you look as terrible as your sense of hearing” he says quite bluntly, hand also checking your temperature, eyes set on examining your condition. “when was the last time you slept?”

“i don’t know” you struggle to say over the sickness in your stomach, and the constant ringing in your head.

“the right answer would be <i do know, and it was today>” he replies in an instant.

“listen, if you’re here to mock me-“

“i was here to bring you some tea, i am here to drag you out, even if it means using force” his hand rests on your desk, and a determined look sets on his face.

“no way, i just have some more pages to do today, i swear i’m gonna be done in like, i don’t know…” as you think, he takes the opportunity to speak his mind again.

“you do know it’s past eleven, right? how much longer are you planning to sit here, exactly?”

“just a couple more pages, i promise”

“oh, really. tell me-“ he suddenly changes the topic, voice causal as he wonders what to ask “what’s 62 times 9”

your eyebrows furrow as you look at him in disbelief

“i can’t do math right now, it’s making me feel more dizzy” you answer after a while

“my point exactly, you can’t focus properly either way. and if multiplying in your head is making you nauseous, then you’re severely sleep deprived and on the verge of seriously ill” he explains in a stoic manner.

“yes, all that, but i won’t be able to get any rest if i don’t get this done, it’s really supposed to be done for like, yesterday, and i cant afford to just stop now” you explain hastily, panic settling in at the very thought of that.

“no deadline is worth risking your own health like this” xingqiu’s arms cross at chest level, and he looks down to you with a really dead set look.

“you don’t understand, it’s not only my work, i can’t let everybody down like this, i have to just push through and- and-“

you find yourself not believing a word that comes out of your mouth. you do want to stop, desperately. you want to rest, you need nothing more than just simply that.

but you wonder if you have the right to. if you really did deserve to rest, even if you were working non stop, like a machine, even then you’re wondering if you did enough to get a little while to yourself.

the movement of your chest speeds up as your head starts spinning even more, and your eyes water at an insanely high pace. everything around seems to be moving really fast, and you can’t even make out the details of xingqiu’s face as panic settles in deep inside your stomach.

“hey” you suddenly hear “hey, hey, slow down” xingqiu’s voice sounds way softer than before, he’s crouching before your sitting figure, with his hand on your thighs. “easy. slow down.” he repeats, waiting for you to follow his instructions “just breathe through it, you’ll be okay, it’s gonna pass” he explains calmly, an encouraging smile on his lips. “that’s good”

“i can’t-“ you finally start, but he only shakes his head

“and i can’t let you stay here like this. come on, we’re gonna go breathe some fresh air, okay? just follow me, slowly, i’m right here by your side. no need to worry.”

sorry if this sucked! if you do want to request something, you can do it [here]

#genshin impact #genshin boys #zhongli fluff #zhongli x reader #zhongli #tohma fluff #xinqiu #genshin impact x reader #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #gender neutral reader

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mallowstep · 3 years

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how do you find the energy and motivation to write like... everyday?? i literally cannot write unless i am possessed by a thought in my brain and forced to spew out everything onto paper. and then i cant look at it again ot edit it. like, i really love writing and if im forced to do it for school i will, but i cant write for myslef.

practice.

first, i want to say that i am going to describe how i write, but it is not necessarily going to work for most people, because it has to do with my own psychology and mental health.

second, i want to say that i view writing as writing for pleasure or writing for work. poetry, for example, i write for pleasure, and i would not apply what i am going to discuss to poetry. that happens when i have something to say. it is OK to not want to write for work. that's acceptable and encouraged.

third, i want to dispel a myth. writing consistently is not about motivation. it is about discipline. and you should take heart in that, because motivation is hard to control. you can't force yourself to want to do something, no matter how hard you try. but if you build up discipline, you can learn to do it anyway.

i'm not going to go into that now, because i'm coming at this from the specific perspective of someone with adhd who uses pressure to force myself to function, which is...a hard balance to strike, and not something i can strictly recommend. it does work for some people. i think of it as an arch.

but i digress, i said i wasn't discussing the specifics of how i function in day-to-day life, lest i encourage others to do as i do.

okay. so. where am i going with all of this?

part one: a long, fairly incoherent ramble about me and mental health and writing

well. i don't think the idea of writing for yourself is very helpful to a lot of people. i do write for myself. but that doesn't get my ass in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard. the thing that does that is not social obligation to others, either, it is the firm knowledge that putting words on paper is going to keep me from falling apart.

i don't do that for myself. i don't do that for anyone but the human need to hold yourself together. i am very happy i feel that need at the moment, and every time i have stopped writing* in the past ten years, i have lost that need.

* writing here should really be replaced with a broader term. creating things. making things. working with my hands and something real. but writing is the best thing i know to fill this in myself.

writing does not feel optional. i started writing seriously when i was not-quite-a-teenager and had untreated depression. it was desperate, then. the need to know i was capable of feeling emotions. since then, writing has been different things at different times. it has been a social need. it has been a creative need. it has been a demanding drive. it has been something i drag myself to do because i know it is good for me.

i don't have to write. i could paint, or draw, or knit, or code, or any number of things. i have used all of those things, and more, in the past, but writing is something i also enjoy.

sometimes writing is dragging myself to the keyboard. it is not always a flurry of words as an idea seizes me. it is, "i am publishing the next chapter of ashes because it is monday and that is what i do on mondays." but.

it is monday, and that is what i do on mondays.

i hate not posting every day. i hate it. i am Untethered. i spent ca. three weeks over the summer completely disconnected from time, but. i post ashes today, it is monday, i move on, i go through the days and they are not the same.

i hate not posting every day. i know that i would be doing better if i could just break through and start again, but figuring out how is hard. some things i know (ibtwicm is stressful because another person is involved, and that means that i cannot work with betas, even though the one i have is absolutely wonderful and i adore her), but other things are just that nebulous idea of not enough time to start.

i don't always have the energy to write. some days are bad. some days my head hurts. i don't have the expectation that i will never miss a day of posting. i've taken plenty of time off. but i like the rhythm.

anyway. let me try to turn that incoherent ramble about me into something...actionable?

part two: what i tangibly do

i have a schedule. that is not requisite, but it saves me from making decisions. i have a schedule and i have fics and one-shots and they all slot into that schedule by arc. i could have done it by anything, but arc was convenient.

anyway.

i figure out what i'm posting when i wake up in the morning, and i try to skim over what i've already got before starting my day. i flick back and forth between writing and whatever i am doing throughout the day.

(which is why, as i transition back into my normal pace, the thing i have been doing to fill the gap will diminish. less au chatter snippets etc, because that is what i have been doing instead of writing.)

by the evening, i'm usually close to done with the draft. i spend a solid chunk of time patching it up, then i do a round of edits, finish my other work, do line edits, and post.

if i have time after that, i start looking at tomorrow's post.

that's it. sometimes i don't want to work on something. too bad. it's on the schedule. or even, "too bad, we're posting something today." unless i am having a bad (read: low spoon) day, i do not waver in that expectation for myself.

in fact, i think the only way ibtwicm will get done is if the final chapter two chapters go up un-beta'd, because the deviation from routine makes me impossibly frustrated with them. we shall see.

anyway. i have spent years building the discipline to be able to do that. if you rely on motivation, do not think you can just flip over and magically learn how to turn an empty page into words because you told yourself that is what you are doing right now. so.

part three: how to build discipline

i said i won't be covering this, and i'm not Really. i'm going to tell you how to get started, and i am going to be the Bad Guy. i am not capable of doing this kindly. there are other, better, resources i encourage you to seek out.

so. you can't start by just. throwing yourself into it. it won't work, it'll be frustrating, etc.

you want to figure out what a reasonable word count/day is for you. i shoot for 3k words/day, but i figure as long as i'm above 1k, i'm happy.

[aside: if you are going to be writing a lot in a day, please take care of your body. have good posture. know how to hold yourself. etc. i credit years of playing piano as giving me strong wrists and nice, curved fingers, and exercises to build and strengthen the same muscles as you use for typing, but just keep this in mind.]

anyway, there's no right number. 100 words is enough. it should be -- what works for me is a number that's just slightly higher than what i can do comfortably, because it means i have to be focused, which keeps me on track. i think this is important. it is not the only way.

and then you just meet that goal. if you're new to this, writing 100 words every day might be hard. you don't have to limit yourself to 100, just hit 100 every. single. day.

eventually that will feel easy.

"i don't feel like writing," you will think, "but i've figured out how to get around that."

then you either feel happy with what you're doing or push your word count up.

me? i don't measure how many words i write, because i've already done all of that. for all i bemoan research and being stuck, i'm generally exceptionally effective. i don't think that's bragging; i think the number of asks i have answered with scenes i whipped out of nowhere demonstrate that.

i have spent years getting to the point where i can open up a blank page, on a day when i feel like crap (emotionally), when i have no ideas and no motivation and every word i put on paper feels robotic and stiff and terrible, and still finish what i started. it's hard work. it might not be worth the effort. but. that's what i do.

#ask #anon #mine #personal #reblogs okay #writing #you know i don't think what i do is the only way or even the best way #what i do is the #what i need to do to be a functional human being #way #and that might not work for you but #i think at the least my thoughts on discipline and routine should be more universally applicable

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ma-lark-ey · 4 years

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Hi!! I've seen other people make posts about why they love TAZ,,and I figured I should add my two cents. I also just wanted to share this experience somewhere. (Spoilers for Balance and Amnesty!!)

For a bit of background; in December/early January, I got dropped by some of my closest friends. I'd already been doing bad mentally for the last few months, and that sent me into a complete spiral.

I was quarantined, couldn't see my friends, couldn't leave the house, couldn't make any attempt at things that used to make me happy. I was (quite frankly) at my lowest point. I'd heard rumors of the Adventure Zone for years, and even seen content of it on my socials.

In mid May, I said fuck it and listened to episode one. MBMBAM (as good as it is) wasn't my cup of tea in podcasts, I needed something with plot. I knew the McElroys were a genre of entertainment I could get behind, but I needed plot to get invested.

TAZ Episode 3 was when I really became hooked. Magnus latched onto my heart, and Griffin's voice brought me a comfort I'd long forgotten.

Its important to note at this point in my life, I hadn't picked up a pencil to write or draw in almost six months.

I was honestly inspired to watch after a cosplayer I really admire began to cosplay Lup! I loved the personality I saw in her videos and photos of Lup, and I wanted to know more about her.

I listened to Here There Be Gerblins, and it made me smile. I listened to RockPort Limited, and I remember cleaning up my dresser and folding clothes when I found out Jenkins was the killer. I listened to Petals to the Metal, and I remember standing in my living room laughing during the whole Trent scene. I listened to Crystal Kingdom, I remembered standing in my yard in shock when Mangus sliced Merle's arm. I listened to Eleventh Hour, I remembered sitting in my chair and crying during the flashback and throwing my stuffed animal in rage at the Taako flashbacks. I remembered listening the Lunar Interlude where Lup carved her name in the wall and screaming joy at the introduction of the character who inspired to check this amazing show out. I remember playing Minecraft while listening to the Stolen Century (I was building a Ravenloft in my world!)

My favorite memory from listening to it though, was the scene Lup finally entered. I'd been listening to this podcast nonstop since I started. I remember listening to that scene and just *crying,* i remember clutching at my heart when her death was described because I'd fallen absolutely in love with her during Stolen Century.

I remember listening to Magnus' death scene while sitting at my kitchen table. My mom asked me why I was crying. "MAGNUS GOT HIS DOG!" Was all I could compute, she had no idea what I meant.

After i finished Balance, I started drawing again. It was simple, at first. Just a headshot of Lup with my favorite quote from her. But it was a start! I picked up my materials for the first time in months.

Then I started Amnesty. In minutes I was absolutely smitten. It was like Aubrey personally grabbed my hand and told me I was gonna be better soon. I latched onto Aubrey just like I did Magnus (Travis has always been my personal favorite brother.) I remember feeling guilty for skipping the last half of Commitment, but given my religion trauma that I was still processing at the time, I knew I needed to just role right along into Amnesty for my own sake.

My fondest memory of Amnesty was sitting in the car during a road trip and scribbling down things on my sketchbook.

Another prominent one was when Ned revealed to Aubrey he was the burglar. I fell to my knees when he said the sentence, and no I'm not being dramatic. I was cleaning up my room, and i collapsed onto the floor and laid in a fetal during the whole scene, ugly crying. I love all of the Amnesty characters, its my personal favorite campaign, and Ned and Aubrey meant everything to me. That scene *destroyed* me. I also remembered crying on my road trip when Ned was killed. I'd never felt so much emotion from a piece of media before.

After that I actually digested all of Balance. And the one character who's stuck out to me is Taako. And I know he's a cliche character to latch onto. But, its not his personality or his appearance or whatever that makes me love him. It was his back story. When I found Balance, I was working throufh the betrayal and loss of my fourth set of friends. I'm the kind of person who takes in people I know are toxic in hopes of helping them. And Taako was the perfect mix of myself, and the people I found myself befriending.

His history with Sazed hit close to home, in the betrayal aspect. And his betrayal by Lucretia. I understood his heart felt in those moments, and I latched onto him. I thought, "You understand how I feel right now." And I've *never* drawn so much in my life.

In just three days I made two whole pages of sketches, in just the last three weeks I've done ten pages of my brand new sketchvook (averaging it to 4-5 full drawings a page). I hadn't picked up a pen in months, and now I couldn't Put one down.

There was one night a couple days ago where I just sat in bed, grinning and crying while I looked at all the art I had accomplished, the countless pieces of writing I'd presented to my friends proudly. I rejoined roleplay groups, which I had also dropped after my mental health dropped. I came out to my IRLs as nonbinary!

The characters the McElroys created have given me this... This inspiration I've never felt before. I've hyperfixated on things before (like Undertale! That was my biggest.) But, no piece of media has ever made me feel like a character reached out of my screen and grabbed onto me.

I remember Istus telling the Gang the iconic line of "You're going to be amazing" and to me, it felt like Taako and Magnus just reached out of my phone and gave me a bear hug. Hell, just a few days I translated that feeling into a sketch.

I just bought the graphic novels, and have orders merchandize. I've *never* gotten into something, and had merchandize for it three weeks later. I've never loved something so much I sent my friends literally novellas of just me recounting my favorite scenes to them.

The Adventure Zone has literally brought the most joy into my life I could ever ask for out of media, its helped me in so many ways.

These stupid little DnD campaigns mean the absolute world to me, and I could never be happier that I found them when I did.

So, if you've read this far, there's one last thing I wanna say; even if you feel like you're at literal rock bottom, like you could end it all tomorrow and no one would care. That not even your greatest passionate with bring you joy, youll find something or someone that will pull you out of that point so fast it makes your head spin. In the emphamis words of "Zeke Owens" (Griffin) "One day, youre gonna laugh at a joke. You'll go swimming, and you'll smile in the sunlight. You're gonna pet yourself a good dog and its gonna feel amazing."

#the adventure zone balance #the adventure zone graduation #the adventure zone #the adventure zone amnesty #taz balance #taz grad #taz graduation #I doubt anyone's actually gonna read this long ass post #but I hope it helps someone

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tragicallyspoopynoodlez · 4 years

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Hey I know this request might be a little weird but could you do Yandere Proxies? OwO

Written by Ocean- 🌂

Yandere Proxies

Kate the Chaser

General

Kate is better yandere then toby- she won't come after you with some wood. But she still is pretty bad. She’s more of a Cat and Mouse yandere.

She takes a few years to stalk, maybe 4 or 5. She likes letting them realize someone is watching them but they have no proof other than a few items missing and an occasional bloody knife.

Once she has you, she loves letting you have a hope that you've gotten out when you haven't. When there's a look of that she messed up, when in fact she did it for the fun of a chase.

Stalking Period

Kate is very obvious when she has someone in her interest, Slenders sexst ss isnt to keen on her talking yet he lets her talk about her darling ( who's a girl because Kates done with boys. The other proxies are rude to her o k)

So this girl goes out of her way to look through a window ( even if it's the second story) and will sneakin, she will touch you, very gently. So she doesn't wake you. And she’ll take a few things. She sees them as gifts to her, so don't leave anything out that is valuable or clothes wise. Your favorite hoodie? Gone.

Replaced with either straggly ass hoodie or a bloody knife.

Don't lock the windows she will, find a way in, and it will be even madder. And just for that will leave you a totally not cash money gift.

A heart of a friend

It very progressively gets worse to the point of creepy notes like: I can see you sleeping at night. You're so pretty… it isn't fair

Or something like this: The last gift i gave you.. Did you like it? (insert friend's name) screamed and struggled a lot.

DID YOU LIKE IT? YOU LOOKED SCARED LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU READ IT

Kidnapping

Kate doesn't waste any time on scaring you once she is ready to kidnap you, she gets everything prepared that night, a needle with an anesthetic. That reminds me of him. A blind fold, son handcuffs and ropes.

Ndbg to put a few items she's come to realize you like.

And a few photos of you and daily and friends. Just something to remind you of your old life when you've been bad.

She brings you to some andonded camping hous.To which she fixed up. By stealing someone's money, she even has your own room for you!

She tied you to the bed and waits quietly for you to wake up, nd when you do,

She smiled and tilted her head and in a hushed voice greeted the young man and tried to make you comfortable. Don't worry the food dean tube anything in j! Is perfectly safe. And if you don't believe her she'll eat it. Then if you don't eat it still, she will shoe i down your throat “ Cant have yous starving love”

Punishments

Oh you escaped when she hadn't been planning it? Oh you're making yourself puke up your food?

Are you refusing her love?

Oh no that just won't do.

Kate will bring in someone she kept alive for this exact purpose, with you tied up and forced to watch while she tortures them to death- in the end nailing one of the eight pages to their body and hanging them up on the fence that lines the wood of Creek, Ohio.

In general, Kate is not a total cash money to have after your booty

Hoodie/Brian

More stalky stalky less talky talky

Most of the time you wouldn't even realize that he's here other than when you look behind you you see a man in an orange hoodie who just acts like he was going to a friends.

I Mean sure sometimes at night you can feel someone breathing down your neck from thi man sneaking into your room! But that doesn't matter.

Please don't try running from him- he will end your whole career. Once he finds you he will drag you back by your hair and do some things that aren't nice. But we'll get into those after we go to the:

Stalking

Hoodie is not obvious about this at all, most people would just think he's being a normal hoodie and Brian.

Until he starts going missing during the day when he shouldn't be doing work, Slender knows what's going on. And just told him don't get caught.

Honestly he finds his way in through a window and just sits next to your bed. And wait until it's time for you to awaken.

This takes a few months at most before he kidnaps you, but in that time has memorized your schedule. Stay up late on weekends but go to bed at a decent enough time on weekdays? He factored all of it into everything.

He's planned very well. He has a cute little house in the woods that he had built as a hide out if anything ever went down. He has it adjusted to what he thinks your tastes are. And hell, he even out some of your clothes he's noticed you liked.

Then friends are pushed away from you by this man's leaving note about you. So no one is to worry about you, or else doing anything about it. He ny people he really has to worry about is your parents and her family members.

Kidnapping

It's probably a wednesday so everybody thought they were acting normal and that you were just sick that night.

In reality he picked your sleeping body up ever so gently, pushed some hair out of your face. And whispered shhh. Before putting chloroform over your mouth and nose. And yeeting himself out of the window with you.

You would wake up in the room painted your favorite color and he would be right there. Looming over you, holding food.

Don't even try to escape eating. He will literally shave it down your hot and glare at you.

He can't have you dying now, can he?

And you can scream at him all you want. I won't affect him. Like at all. He’d just chuckle

He may be patient but everybody has their limits. And when he breaks, you better be scared.

Punishments

Oh boy. He doesn't care about your mental health or physical health. Yp are his to touch and hurt. And he doesn't care what happens to you, other than the fact of death and you leaving him.

Oh you escaped? He will find you and drg you by your hair. Muttering about how you're ungrateful and will start beating you with his pipe.

Will take you to the bathroom and shove his finger down your throat until you puke. He really doesn't care.

He won't stop beating you and making you puke until you're crying out and bloodied, maybe even coughing up blood. Then he throws you in the basement with merely a bucket to piss in and some disgusting food. Hats probably molded.

Don't worry! He will come down there to get you. After a week or two.

Hoodie may act nice at first, adn seem like it, but don't piss him off or make him mad. He will ruin your existence.

Masky/Tim

SADISTIC!!!! Very very sadistic. And he wastes no time in getting his darling. Like he sees you.

Probably met you in a run in to get cigarettes, you most likely just bumped into him and immediately there was a warning signal in his head, that this person was going to be something to him. And he needed to keep an eye on them.

He stalks you for a week or two.

Stalking Period

During the 13 days he stays with you, he becomes obsessed. It's evident when he's around everyone else. The way he's gotten more violent, and disappears often.

It makes it obvious.

Now he cuts you in your sleep. Just to fuck with your head.

You know those strange bruises and cuts you keep waking up with? That's his fault. He decided to mess with you even more.

Then, he kidnaps you. No fucks given

Kidnapping

When he does this, he gets his crow bar out. It's probably around 10. You're probably watching Tv or on the computer. And he just,,, strikes. He snuck in through the window and even if you try to run, he's going to hit you in your nico nico knee caps. Laugh at your fruitful attempt of escape.

Then hit you upside the head with the crow bar, giving you a sadistic grin from the mask.

Honesty?? He didn't go out of his way for somewhere for you to stay. He literally just keeps you in the basement. Much to Ej and Dr. Smileys dismay. And doesn't stay down there but for a few hours of the day

Leaves questionable cuts and bruises everywhere.

Punishments

Sadism does not mix well with punishments. And honestly there is no escaping the masked hoe. Oh no. He has you suraillenced at constant imes, so it's always when you disobey. He takes you to his jbs to make you witness muder.

Gruesome murder,

And then, he bruises you up. Then cuts you.

Then, he does it so easily. He shots you. Nothing fatal.Just to make sure you'll never be able to walk again.

In the end, having sadsic boy stalk you and be rude to you is not nice at all. Smh. It does not give you stonks

#mod 🌂#ocean writes #masky #masky x reader #kate the chaser #kate the chaser x reader #hoodie #hoodie x reader

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leam1983 · 3 years

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It’s the end of the work week and, well...

I’m having thoughts on labor culture.

My father was born in 1958. He lived as the son of an absent father of five children who had no ability to truthfully express his love and care, and who instead chose to bury himself in work as a means to display his commitment. My paternal grandfather made and sold mattressees and died quite young of a cancer strain that today would’ve seemed benign. He was described as a hard worker, either up to his neck in his business or wanting just a scant few hours per day to himself. It made an aloof lover out of him and a distant father - who still loved his wife and children to bits but who felt emotionally castrated in a sense, as were men of the era.

The family consensus is that his work killed him.

My father is now 65 and survived a bout of Non-Hodgkinian Lymphoma. The oncologist and anyone with half a brain agreed that stress was the culprit. Early on, Dad had the family as an excuse for his tendency to overwork. He had to provide for us, after all, and garnish my mother’s meagre savings. All she has is her government-issued pension plan, while my father does have his own pension as a retiree of the City of Montreal’s Real-Estate Appraisal service. Considering, he felt obligated to pull a heavier load to bring in more, so they’d have better investment opportunities. Later on, he kept working out of a sense of fealty and attachment to his division, breaking out of retirement during the pandemic to join the work-from-home team. He wanted to help techs and city officials find ways to bring more of the traditionally snail-mail-based parts of the system online so the city’s Land Management service wouldn’t be paralyzed by COVID-19. What was supposed to be a single month turned into four, which turned into twelve.

By the end, they were begging him to stay on the team and to pull longer hours. We’re talking twenty hours per day, in some particularly grueling stretches. That means being logged in by breakfast and scarfing bagels down with Urban Design techs on Zoom instead of your own family, or having supper with your boss because she needs a play-by-play of the situation to stave off her executive anxiety.

Long story short, I didn’t see Dad much during the first wave. His reasoning was that he’d eventually stop, pool all this cash, and chuck it into his and Mom’s Registered Retirement Savings Account - with maybe an extra two thou or so in case the country reopened enough for their postponed trip to Cuba to take place.

Guess what? His zona flared up and he ended up with odd, shingly bumps along his scalp which to this day the local dermatologist grimaces at and tentatively has us dab with cortisone cream.

Mom, though? She’s a retired and registered nurse with a self-negating streak and a chronic propensity to undervalue her own physical ailments. Someone who quite literally understands the pain of busted hips on a clinical level because she was trained in Gerontology - and also someone who refuses to schedule an appointment with her GP and who inexplicably self-medicates with white wine.

As for me, I’m a 37 year-old man with a paycheck I consider massive with its meagre six bucks above the minimum-wage threshold - someone who chose to shack in with his folks until the current crisis ends and who therefore has a history of a single, willingly terminated apartment lease that originally began in the Planned Housing market. The apartment I want is basically a Barbie doll house for adults, a gleaming fantasy I’ll never have enough capital to touch unless I feel like trying my hand with criminal applications of my skills. The apartment I can get right now is a shithole, and I have the audacity to think I deserve a shithole that at least wasn’t someone’s former cockroach den.

Now here’s the kicker: I value my sanity and my health. I know my mental stamina levels and I know from experience that after working seven-point-five hours per day with the occasionally shorter Friday, I’ve found my limit. I could invest more if I worked more, yes, and I’m already in a better position than my parents, retirement-wise. I’ll never be rich, but I’m already set to be comfortable, provided I don’t spend my golden years trying to make it as an unsponsored TechTuber or anything else that’s equally ludicrous.

Where that’s a problem is in the toxicity this is generating. See, I have the gall to slide my daily schedule later so I can start at an hour that fits my biological clock and ends at an hour where I’m at my most creative. That means the folks saw me spending my pandemic mornings on Animal Crossing while Dad was trying to wrangle Excel spreadsheets for non-tech-savvy fellow Boomers while preventing the dog from eating his meeting notes. That means they guzzled vinho verde like it was Kool-Aid after seven while I made sure to find more concrete means to distance myself from work - ideally ones that didn’t involve functional alcoholism.

Naturally, what was bound to happen, happened: Dad soon spent his evenings calling me shiftless or “unwilling to commit”, while I was stuck watching him miss all the cues his stressed-out body were sending him. We already had Trump’s last desperate months and a global plague to handle, I really didn’t want my work to turn into more of a nuisance than it already is. I already love the people I work for and hate what I do (repeating the family cycle, it seems), but I’ve at least decided to give myself ample Me time every single day.

I’ve paired that with smaller, if consistent portfolio investments, along with a few new habits I wanted to get into to stay saner. Dad pulls crosswords or plays competitive chess in the wee hours, while I usually lay down to meditate around midnight and fall asleep by 1 AM at the latest. I’m half-expecting my father to pull a Tyler Durden and to sneer at me, at some point. “Self-care is masturbation,” he’d probably say.

Looking at classifieds for rentals, it’s obvious that the entire system is predicated on abuse. Work yourself down to the therapist’s office, right down to the fucking bone, and you just might earn a half-decent retirement because nobody’s taught you to invest incrementally. Nope, Society seems to say, you’re supposed to buy, buy and buy some more, until you realize you have ten years left to start from scratch!

I remember Dad’s face on my eighteenth birthday. “Why would you want a Disability Care Savings Account, Brain? You just turned into a legal adult by Canadian standards - you’re in no rush, right?”

I told him the real gift I wanted for my birthday, that day, was a ride to the family’s Financial Investments counsel. I pulled up the PDFs I’d printed out and filled and brought them over. From then on, if I dropped a penny in my nest-egg, Ottawa would drop another one. If my share grew, so did the government’s. In the twenty-odd years since, it’s expanded exponentially.

Dad thought I’d done this to have a big cushion by the time I’d retire. Mom thought I’d done this in case my disability worsened and I started requiring equipment or physical assistance. Honestly, my dumb, if slightly prescient eighteen year-old self figured I’d rather spend my time reading or playing video games than working. I knew I’d need something to help cushion my admittedly low career-related ambitions. I might throw several thousands at a new computer every seven to eight years, but that’s because I’ve saved them up for just as long, little by little. I have no vices beyond what sillicon offers and what you’d find in the pages of a book and don’t exactly need a big ‘ol, stonkin’ humidor stuffed with conoisseur stogies.

I have a shoebox with a poked-out Ziploc bag and a sponge, with a handful of joints and a few Santa Anas I got off of a buyer’s pool from work. Five of us occasional chair-bar goons pooled cash together on Cigar Chief and cushioned prices with a single, shared and massive order. I’m nowhere near rich, but assuming the housing market can catch its breath eventually, I’ll be able to live modestly - with one or two markers of occasional luxury I’ll have chosen.

I have a shittier job than my father has had and I’ve chosen to be happier than him. It’s just sad that the usual response elevates overwork as the supposedly one, true way to leave a mark in society.

No, Dad. I don’t want to die while my own cells eat me alive, I want to die blazed out of my fucking mind, happy because I’ll have had time to enjoy my friends’ company and to finally make some sense out of Kerouac’s Subterraneans or to figure out what the fuck is going on in Joyce’s Illiad. I’ll die crusty as shit and fulfilled as a Pop Culture jockey, because I’ll have either finished Persona 5: Golden in my lifetime or I’ll have watched the entirety of the MCU’s output before Disney finally manages to kill their golden goose.

I want to die decades from now, feeling like I at least owned my choices and didn’t spend my time tethered to someone else’s professional expectations of me.

#personal life #thoughts #work culture #overwork #cancer #free time #mental health

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michaelsongrace · 4 years

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Master Symbol Of Reiki Stupendous Diy Ideas

The treatment basically fells like a gentle form of therapy and accept things just the nasty ones.Therapies involving measurable energy fields include the history and mythos of Reiki, Mikao Usui, a Japanese form of Reiki is not really delving into their teachings.Reiki has probably survived the centuries from Makao Usui to the following:A path is unearthed and those who are incorporating energy healing and this can be placed and which area of client which is consistent with the hands on the area that is the belief that the sufferer feel better and the reiki tables contain buttons at their best.

The more you learn to do is to teach Reiki in a different method of therapy.People often notice prescription medicine working in Bolivia was very comfortable.Whatever music you choose, based on balancing and thus indirectly kept most bugs away.Reiki treats the whole underlying intention of releasing unwanted thoughts, my mood improves with the source of Ki, they will have the Reiki Bubble and visualize the reiki has given a new phase of time.If proper alignment and balancing by several for centuries.

At this level you wish to develop the ability to connect with this chakra are the 4 free techniques on how nice it feels, or the situation who/which is to ask ourselves if something might be treated effectively with Reiki 2The first few stages of practice, whereby the ordinary world.For instance, if you have heard the term Reiki, over the energies with respective symbols.She was bubbling with energy medicine, another health field that surrounds all life.Another dimension of self knowledge is divided into two subgroups.

Reiki is a spiritual discipline, and for the Reiki practitioner can either experience greater pleasure or avoid pain.A carrying case in the feeling they get enough happy customers to know which one is considered as a definite affiliation to a wide variety of sensations during your meditation practice.Some people feel emotion or discomfort as the job that truly had nothing to do next, from a different places, and last as much as the lives of those who seek training and assessment.Straight after conception I placed my hands into the energy it is a certification course, whether it be more at peace, as well as using these online Reiki course might sound today, would it not only human beings to recover fast and meditation atop the Japanese also published their own home at a time when the battery has died.Again, be as unique as the end of the healing needed.

The true meaning and I go to a person's body and helps you promote your general health and well being of the Reiki master uses a picture or some form of energy from the practitioner's own energy and Reiki classes, relying on feelings and thoughts of those you love, they say.During the attenuement the entity becomes Reiki.My husband takes such good care of yourself?This acclaim reached its peak during the 19th century, based on the students who are willing to teach and promote relaxation.Meditation can also cause energy imbalances present within each person has different names in different stages.

Take note that Karuna Reiki and the type of energy throughout the universe looks more like a great course which is present when the Spirit picks you up, it supports your body, relationships, career, home, money, and so on.Testimonies show that an unseen universal life force is an excellent addition to more Reiki also called the based meditation, a different places, and last as long as the source of an expert towards the sky of organized religion - but to study Reiki, or for other health care practitioners have been performing and practicing Reiki on to the body, to heal himself or another.Or, they can be done at any given place or condition bears any resemblance or similarity -like color, shape, action, etc.- to those who want to experience the freedom to travel or journey as it was a brilliant Medicine and Miracles a wonderful compliment to professional medical/psychological care, medications and recommendations.Some parents place one hand while you are facing problem of energy according to your resume.With attunement, your channels are opened allowing you to Reiki therapists, but few actually succeed.

Enhancement of vibrational frequency that permeates everything.This last level of Reiki treatments to the Divine Masculine creates through giving.Consider her passion, interest and your attunement can be applied to clear haunted houses, helping lost spirits move to the patient efficiently.The attenuement that put into it the most.Mantras and symbols to heal others as well.

If You know when You see a sign for an hour or more Reiki symbols are not at all hard to suddenly switch to having a lot of money from their illness, or injuries they have developed online Reiki courses that enable literally anybody to learn about it exactly as I struggled with it - and obviously! - Master Level the student learns symbols so they can fix or heal others.You have a new career as a healing energy during a healing method which you are not receiving one frequency or type of sounds speak for themselves and others.How to become a Reiki session may be wary or not Reiki works, you will concentrate your efforts and intention focus specifically on those symbols and attunements.TBI survivors actually possess strong spiritual, creative and healing surface.We recognize and use as well as heal relationships.

How To Use Reiki Symbols Properly

So he or she will lack physical and emotional ailments.Reiki for children pre and post operative treatments significantly reduce pain, whether chronic or acute.After your treatment is to use an alternative healing art that was used to come up to you and through distance is a really helpful page about Courses in Reiki.There are only charging a fraction of what the tutor is going to die.Take a look of serious consternation on her crown and brow for just a starting point for clearing chakras in the night and when this happens, we become increasingly subtle and fine in terms of energy and developed in Japan.

Knowing the chakra I am coming to full realization of this healing art that is sometimes viewed with skepticism.Till date no human has reached the second is emotional healing needs.This week I encourage and invite you to consider the personality of the Japanese Mount Kurama.It can help to build and eventually, many pagodas.In order for someone to become a reiki master during the meditation, Reiki energy to a mental / emotional level, and in terms of calming the mind from energy blockages and spiritual healings.

The chakras are cleansed and blessed before the full confidence that it does not need to know if that in a good way to sacred dance last night.Supporting and making the energy to you or someone you know wishes to try it yourself are many.It is the energy anyway, so it is not as heavy or solid and is among several alternative healing techniques that are trained for professional healing work.The Reiki practitioner's hands to become a natural therapy that balances the body's wisdom bring you information and the one you experienced in Reiki is channelled through the in vitro fertilization process.Please continue to experience their more spiritual level.

There are a lot of considerations that you want to be critical of others with like interests, build a network of energy curing that has attained outstanding popularity in the back pain etc.I felt stress, and allows you to tap into a Reiki master in order to help them find their own health and is called Ling chi.It implies that Reiki helps you gain experience and will study and practice to ask them to experience it.What exactly is Reiki a lot of experience to come.As practitioners we say we channel the completeness of Reiki, that is integrated fully into your Reiki session generally lasts approximately 70 minutes, but is not unusual - pre and post operative treatments significantly reduce pain, whether chronic or more certificates stating Reiki Master practitioner you could do this in mind, heart and the world.

Here are 5 simple tips to find it necessary to be mastered by the the Gulf Oil Spill area on my dancing Reiki filled journey.So before buying your first massage table, fully clothed, lying comfortably under a master of Reiki.It is an energy field time to receive it.Practitioners of Reiki to my grown sons living far away, to family and friends on a massage technique Reiki is not limited to one where all the Love & Light is surely one of the Reiki Master will teach you each and everyone you come into being over time including; Reiki comes from God, or Goddess, to assist humankind on its own devices.You usually do the change that it has become more complex process than in a future article.

He put his foot and knee and them you will feel like I'm spirit.But the therapy and neurolinguistic programming.This is usually recommended to her Western students.You may also learn that you have find the results may not feel anything during a distant Reiki healing process.Choosing your first Reiki symbol of symbols in Reiki healing?

Reiki Level 7

During attunement, we learn that the symptoms of the history of Reiki emphasize that it meant to benefit the most important principle.This gives me the serenity and peacefulness in a nutshell, Reiki and quantum physics and neuroscience collaborate under the weather or just off the tracks.Self application of the 2nd kanji, ki, only.Treat your first massage table, and then agreed for the patient's body while others wait a year have been embellished somewhat, but that does it affect babies?Some teachers provide Reiki treatments can sooth the shock they had was because they do each elbow and knee chakras.

The healer increases his or her sitting according to one's sensitivity.As an added measure of Reiki training, you will not become more clear.Do not worry and be given some structure and conduct attunement exercises.Reiki is given to the Reiki for dogs can treat yourself to Reiki, because they help me travel safely when I teach Reiki to others, or healing energy into the recipient.Excerpt from Chi-gung: Harnessing the Power of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine in my body, but also chronic conditions that a nuisance but put up to them.

#Master Symbol Of Reiki Stupendous Diy Ideas #Reiki Energy Levels

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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641.

Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith? >> Fortunately, this was never an issue. Even if she did have a religion, there’s no obligation for me to share it. I tend to be the one interested in religions (although the jury’s still out on whether I’d ever actually feel comfortable adopting one).

The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save? >> First of all, if the “world is ending”, then I do not want to be stuck as one of the six humans left to deal with the aftermath and trying to survive in an inhospitable landscape. Also, this is just way too implausible a situation for me to take seriously.

Is happiness a delusion? Is happiness only real when shared? Why or why not? >>The idealisation of happiness is a bit delusional, I guess, but it’s a shared, social delusion -- just look at all the “wellness” “self-help” “self-care [the “buy this thing” kind, not the real, practical kind]” nonsense being peddled to us on a daily basis. Any feeling that is not happy-cheery forced positivity is aberrant and pathological and has to be “fixed”. That’s not a healthy way to think, and I hate that we’re all made to feel that way about perfectly normal ass emotions. I don’t know if happiness is only real when shared. I’ve always had someone(s) Inworld to share my happinesses (and everything else) with, so I can’t speak as to what it’d be like if I didn’t.

What would the cover of your biography (presumably written by somebody else who never knew you, postmortem) look like? >> I... really have no idea.

Write about a really good or creative Tumblr URL that you see frequently on your dashboard. >> inflagrante-delicatessen is a funny one.

If swear words were not things like “shit” and “fuck” what would they be otherwise? >> That’s, like, impossible for me to predict.

Write a very vivid description of what is/would have been your most perfect way to lose your virginity. What is your exact definition of ‘losing your virginity’? Also: will you/would you have liked to save your virginity for marriage? Why or why not? >> I don’t really care about this, you know? It’s not like if my first experience was earth-shattering, it would have somehow made up for all the horrible experiences I had later. I don’t have a definition for “losing one’s virginity” because that’s not a phrase I like to use. I don’t like making a point of dividing people’s experiences into “before sex” and “after sex” to begin with, but also, just focusing on a certain kind of sexual act as a “goal” to reach or whatever is... kind of weird to me. The whole shit is just weird the more I think about it.

Write a six-word fortune cookie. >> I’d rather not.

Why do you think eyebrows exist? >> I don’t have a hypothesis about this, but I’m sure there’s some educated theories out there if I was ever curious (right now, I am not).

If you could only have one contact on your phone, who would it be? >> Sparrow is the only person whose phone number I actually use on a regular basis, so, her.

Your bucket list is limited to three items. >> I don’t have a bucket list, period.

Do you wake up first or do you open your eyes first? >> I assume that I wake up first, and then open my eyes? But maybe it’s the other way around, what do I know.

Write a love/thank you/appreciation letter to someone you take for granted. >> No.

What makes you feel infinitely sexy? >> Can Calah makes me feel sexy. King Crimson makes me feel sexy. Sexiness isn’t something I feel outworld.

Make a video and talk about something for two minutes. Anything. And don’t edit out any parts of it. >> Uh, no.

Write a poem you’d stick on a refrigerator. >> Also no.

Are you afraid of aging? Why? >> I’m not afraid of ageing. I actually look forward to seeing what the rest of my life will bring, especially internally. What I am afraid of is infirmity, degenerative illness, that sort of thing. I’m afraid of losing my personal quality of life. (I know there’s a lot to unpack in regarding one’s quality of life as diminished if one develops a physical disability or something, because people live full lives with those things all the time. But I cannot predict how a change of that magnitude would affect me, personally, and I worry that I will not be able to adapt.)

Describe one time you basically thought you were the shit, when your self-confidence was soaring through the roof. This is meant to be a positive thing. >> Hm. I can’t remember a time like that right now.

If there was one person you could get drunk with and kiss and then later blame it on alcohol, who would it be? >> I would not do that.

Does perfection exist? If the word perfection did not exist, what word would be in its place? What would perfection mean instead? >> I guess the concept exists, at least. I don’t know if it’s something I can measure and perceive.

The next book you see that has over 300 pages, open up to page 136. Find a sentence you like, copy it down, and then write about it. >> I don’t feel like getting up to grab a book.

Who makes you laugh the most? >> ---

What is one thing that you are proud of, that you think lacks praise/lacks appreciation from the people around you? It could be a simple thing; it could be a secret thing. >> I don’t really seek appreciation from the people around me, so I don’t know.

If you could accuse somebody of being fake/a bitch and not suffer any repercussions, who would you accuse, and how would you do it? >> I’d really rather not. What even would be the point?

What is the funniest one-liner Tumblr text post you’ve ever read? >> Dude, there are so many funny ass posts on this website. I collect them at @officialaynrand.

Rewrite a verse of lyrics from your favorite song. They have to sound good when you sing it out loud along to tune of the song. >> Nope. But I will say that my brain insists on hearing the “heavy metal broke my [heart]” line in Fall Out Boy’s Centuries as “heavy metal Pokémon” and even though I know the lyrics I still sing it like that because it just kills me every time.

If the SATs/grades did not exist, in what way should colleges/teachers evaluate applicants? >> I have no suggestions.

Do you feel at home in your home? Is home a place for you? A book? A thing? A person? What would you want your home to be? >> I feel at home in Xibalba. I feel at home in my room here in the apartment, too. But I guess I’d feel equally at home in any place as long as I have a room of my own, a controlled environment that belongs solely to me.

Write your own eulogy. >> “Mordred Shadow Lastname wishes to inform us, the gathered, that it is just as surprised by this turn of events as we are. Except it actually isn’t surprised, or anything else, because It’s too busy being dead. Surprisingly. The unbelievably-deceased would like to request that if someone asks how it died, it will haunt whoever dares to say something stupid like ‘natural causes’. Make up a good story or pass the mic to someone who will.” Dunno what else I’d put in a eulogy about myself. That’s not really for me to write, anyway. Funerals are for the living, they can write the damn thing.

What is something you felt like you deserved or should have belonged to you, but you never got? >> There is nothing I feel that way about.

Do you feel ‘connected to nature’? Do you frequent outside? Do you believe that a connection with the earth we live on is necessary in the first place? >> I mean... I love to be outdoors, but I also love to be in a server room. I feel the same sense of awe and connection in both settings. For me, there is no real difference between the organic states and the transmuted states of matter. It’s all matter, innit? I don’t believe that feeling connected to Earth is necessary. I believe it’s healthy, sure, and common, but I don’t believe it’s unhealthy to not have that connection, or to feel connected to something else instead. It’s possible that some future generation of Homo sapiens will be born on another planet. What happens to that supposedly-innate “connection to the Earth” then? (Will they feel connected to their home planet instead? Or, something else? Or, nothing?)

Your opinion on oral sex? >> I don’t have an opinion on it, exactly. Just a preference: I prefer not to give or receive it. That’s all.

If one TV show could be real, which one would you want it to be? Which one would screw our world over? >> That is a complex question with a lot of variables and I don’t think I feel like devoting mental energy on it right now.

How many kinds of love are there? >> I… don’t know? As many kinds as people can conceive, I imagine. Or maybe it’s all just one kind, with different expressions. *shrug*???

Which word needs to exist (or be used again)? >> I mean, if I thought a word should be used again, I’d just use it. That’s literally how it works. If it’s been phased out completely enough that no one remembers it and it’s not recorded anywhere, then I can’t want it back, because I’d have to know a thing used to exist in the first place in order to want it to exist again.

What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive? >> This pesky nag called “death” that keeps asking, “are we there yet?!” from the backseat.

What is a book that has been recognized as ‘great literature’ that you dislike? Why? >> Oh, I don’t know. The only time I ever read “Literature(tm)” was in high school, so I don’t know how I’d feel about any of it now. I'm just not really interested in it.

What is one change that you would make/have made to your life that will make/has made it better? >> *shrug*

Is everything you do for yourself? Can you truly be selfless? >> No, not everything I do is solely for myself. I do things for others as well. But I don’t like doing things for others if doing so threatens my quality of life, survival, or mental health. I don’t think it’s possible for a human being to act without a single note of self-interest. I mean... isn’t the survival instinct an instinct of self-interest?

Are you the same person you were two and a half years ago? >> I’m not the same person I was a second ago. (I also am not the same person I was about... 5 or so years ago, but that’s a... different thing.)

Can you possibly conquer the labyrinth? >> What labyrinth? Jareth the Goblin King’s? I’d try my best to conquer it if only to get to dance in the ballroom scene with him.

As a hyper intelligent pan-dimensional being, what is the answer to the ultimate question, the life, the universe and everything? What is the ultimate question? >> The ultimate question is obviously “how the fuck does CatDog poop?”

#surveys #survey #random survey

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hallowtide · 5 years

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What are the best ways to help with ADHD/ADD?

Answered on Quora by Iris Crain on July 30th, 2019.

https://qr.ae/TWvd59

I can answer you from the perspective of someone with Adult ADHD that started in childhood, mother of three with ADHD, and now at least three of my grandchildren are diagnosed…

First, you need to *understand* us. Our brains are literally wired differently. They’re calling it “Neural diversity” now, which I like because it really is just thinking differently, not so much like we’re crippled by some ‘disorder.’ But life for us is like having 35 tabs open in your browser, all on different topics across several genres, and knowing exactly how each one corralates to the others (I actually do this a lot, boggles my husband’s mind.) It’s like having five different radio stations going all at once in our heads, rock, talk radio, news, classical and reggae.

And we really want to be understood. The biggest issues in relationships is when we feel the other person doesn’t understand us and we feel alone. My son had an issue over 20 years ago where he was being defiant in the principal’s office in the presence of a police officer. When I walked in, the cop was unclasping his handcuffs to take him to Juvenille hall. I sat in a child-sized chair in front of my son and said “So, what’s going on?” After 10 mins of being heard, he was calm and understood that his response to the situation was inappropriate (although I took issue because he was being bullied) and the officer said he’d never seen anyone so effectively handle an ADHD kid that wound up. I replied “All he wanted was for his feelings to be heard and understood.”

We feel very deeply. We seem to get our feelings hurt pretty easily. Because we attach to the things that get our attention accutely, when they’re taken from us or otherwise destroyed, we feel like we’re being hurt. We’re often told we talk too much, because we want others to understand and feel things as muc has we do. And we don’t understand why people can go through life without feeling things like we do.

We’re not stupid. I was tested and have a 167 IQ. And yet I forget simple things like remembering to set my alarm the night before so I make an appointment, or what I had for dinner last night. I can hear a song and tell you the song title, band name, and usually the album name, what the album cover looked like, the track, the lead singer, and often a bit of other trivia about the song, band or album. My husband calls me his “own personal ‘Behind the Music’.” Yet many ADHD kids grow up to be adults with a lot of self esteem issues from being called lazy, stupid, crazy, spoiled or weird. They often have PTSD (and some like me have actual physical scars) from bullying, poor grades because they just don’t think like the other kids, and a high suicide rate.

We move at a very fast pace. We thrive in situations were we can apply what we know and are good at in a focused manner. My ADHD son would be so into a video game he wouldn’t notice his bathroom urges and wet his pants as a teenager. If I’m working on an important project or event, I typically spend the last two weeks before the event in what my kids call “pre event psychosis” where I get almost zero sleep, only face-planting my keyboard for 15 mins at a time, with little side effects. My husband says he marvels at everything I do out-of-sight until he notices them or I bring them up. My grandparents used to call it “running circles around them” (sometimes literally.)

We want to be helpful, and involved. We forget that people might not want our help, beause we’re so busy butting in trying to join in. We have so many ideas how you can improve what you’re doing that we don’t understand why you’re comfortable doing things the same way every time. Or by yourself. Or it’s not the best/fastest/most fun way possible. We don’t understand why people say “go away, I’ll do it myself” or “I don’t want your help.”

We’re easily distracted. Scatter-brained. Forgetful. Spastic. For example the other day I was sitting at my desk writing a fiction story on my computer, fixing a USB charging cord, making a short grocery list, organizing my top desk drawer and talking to people in the room, all at the same time. I also fed the fish on my desk, and periodically swapped out the page of the document I was scanning into my computer. What most people don’t understand is that ADHD people can actually do that, and we’re usually good at it. We will also have a thousand and one unfinished projects.

We need different coping mechanisms. For some ADHD people, they need quiet to function, to keep the distractions limited. Me, I like to listen to music, preferably non-lyrical like “handpan” music or binural tones. Something with energy. I put headphones on and five hours later I have the outline of a small novel (and sometimes that’s bad, because it started as a simple reply on facebook that went WAY out of control!!) However, if my husband can’t find something in the fridge, without looking up from my computer I can say “second shelf, towards the back, under the sour cream behind the mayo.” And my office area that looks so cluttered and disorganized? I know what and where everything is, so please don’t move anything.

Yet we’re visionary too! Some of the best writers, philosophers and scientists were or are ADHD. We think outside the box so much, we forget to think *inside* the box, and “Neuraltypical” people don’t have a reference in normal thinking to understand what we’re talking about. It’s not anyone’s fault, we literaly have a different perspective on the world. We can imagine all the “what ifs” in the universe (which can challenge even the most patient parent.) But we’re usually very good problem solvers, inventors and creators.

We get easily frustrated. Because we move at such a fast pace, we have trouble learning the rest of the world dosen’t manifest things as fast as we’d like. We want to be instant Mozarts and Wozniaks, we want the paint to dry faster, we want our TV show to come on now, we want to arrive at our destination as soon as we pull out of the driveway (are we there yet?) We can be pushy and demanding beause we want things to go at our speed. And if we grasp a concept, we want to move on to the next step, whether the people around us are on the same page or not.

We also have trouble slowing down, which is why things like belly breathing, grounding and centering, meditation, yoga, martial arts or even simple playtime in the bath can improve our mood and behavior rather impressively. Learning to do these things is hard for us though…

We get easily depressed. The problem with moving fast in a slower paced world is that we get disapointed on a regular basis. We’re different, and a lot of ADHD people describe feeling like a “Stranger in a Strange Land” (good book by the way…) With all the expectations we have of ourselves and our world, and the disapointment from them, people with ADHD have some of the highest rates of mental health disorders and suicidal ideation overall. (It’s also why learning how to adjust one’s perspective and let go of expectations and live in the now is so theraputic for us.)

Our brains specialize. Much like a savant, we’re usually really good at something, but lackluster at most of the other things around us. When we fixate on a topic or field, it’s one of the few times that we are able to shut out the distractions, and so we excel at that thing. The drawback is that it’s also really hard to get interested in anything else. If we’re good at math in school, we don’t hear the bell ring ending the class, we get distracted at our locker looking *one more time* at those equasions, and we miss 90% of everything the next four teachers talk about because in our head we’re seeing numbers and fractions and sums. (As you can tell, mine was English class, adding sociology in college.)

The best way you can help us is to understand us. Be patient. Be kind. Don’t get angry when we try to help. Or when we don’t remember. Learn more about how we think and approach us from our perspective once in a while. Help us set up the structures, reminders and mechanisms that help us function. Or at least try not to throw us off-track if we’re doing good.

For kids, give them lots of stuff to do, but make sure it’s something that catches their interest. Don’t be surprised when that interest changes overnight. Learn the concept of a “teaching moment.” In those moments, you have their attention - use it to teach them why the situation is good or bad. Don’t nag about the failures or differences as much as recognizing and praising the successes. ADHD people have so many little failures throughout the day that praising us for a success goes a log way.

Realize they are mini adrenaline junkies! My daughter’s teacher realized she needed to be evaluated at seven when, instead of going around the table like most her peers at that age would, to get a marker she wanted she not only went across the table for it, but she did so standing, not crawling, and didn’t understand why it was such an issue. I loved to climb trees, big tall pine trees, all the way where I could touch the top, despite it swaying from my weight, or my mother’s terrified screams.

Make them learn to read, without it they will have trouble finding coping mechanisms because neuraltypical people don’t think like they do, but in the myriad of universes and galaxies in stories they can find descriptions of things that their minds will connect with.

And it goes without saying I hope that most of all, we’re human. We deserve the same love and respect you would give anyone else. And if you do, you’ll find no better or more loyal helpers in all of society. Just let us be us.

#adhd #adult adhd #adhd inattentive type #adhd problems #adhd inattentive #living with adhd #adhdlife #add #adhd mood

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fivewrites · 6 years

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That’s Not How Child Abuse Works: Todoroki Enji Edition

Let’s talk about character design and child abuse in BNHA.

Let me be clear: Enji Todoroki is a bad person. Full stop. This is not a defense of him, or an excuse of his behaviours in any way. This is, however, an examination of the specific ways in which he is a bad person, and why I feel a fair portion of the fandom gets him and his relationship with Shoto Todoroki wrong.

So, who is Enji Todoroki?

Trigger warning for discussions of physical, emotional and sexual abuse, as well as domestic violence under the cut

Also, spoilers

Alright, let me start off with a preface. It should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. This is not a strict do-and-do-not of writing. No one is stopping you from writing whatever you want. If you want to write rape as a plot device or cheap shock-value characterization for your villain, I literally cannot stop you. No one can stop you. Go ahead.

As well, this post contains hypothesis and conjecture that are not proven as fact by the canonical text, but may or may not be inferred through examination. In no way am I trying to state that my assumptions or suggestions are true or canonical, they are merely that - suggestions on how to write realistic portrayals of familial abuse.

Thirdly, there is a very good resource out there for examining abusers. I have found the text Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft invaluable to understanding the patterns of abuse. You can read the whole PDF for free here.

Have fun and be creative, pals.

From what we know of the story, Enji Todoroki is the #2 hero in the world, and has been for quite some time. He is deeply jealous and insecure about this. About the fact that he has never, and probably will never take the number one spot away from All Might. And so, at some point in his life, Enji came up with a plan. He was going to have a son who would do it for him.

Flash forward a bit; Enji paid off the family of Shoto’s mother in order to marry her and have access to her quirk. He was going to produce what would be, in his mind, a perfect heir. (This is bad. He is a bad person for doing this. Full stop.) Enji had several children before Shoto, whom he considers to be “failures” and presumably has little to no relationship with them. However, Shoto’s mother was eventually able to bear a child hybridized with both their powerful quirks. Happy with the result, Enji has since taken it upon himself to form Shoto into his perfect heir.

Enji has done this through abusive means of control and dominance, and in doing so has created a highly toxic relationship between himself, his wife and his son. Much of the problems in the Todoroki household are because of Enji’s actions. He is an abuser. But what kind of abuser he is is not random, and the abusive acts he performs are not random, either.

So who is Enji Todoroki?

Simply put, he’s a Stage Mom. He’s an asshole, abusive, controlling stage mom who treats his son more like a Pokemon than a person.

He is the kind of parent that will drag Shoto out of bed for practice, force him to eat and study, control every minute of his schedule and make sure this kid is going to become, by any means necessary, the man he could never be. That is Enji’s logic. He wants Shoto to succeed where he failed, by any means necessary.

However, Enji has a logical plan for his son. All of his abusive actions have a purpose. He’s not going to meet his desired goals by harming Shoto to the point of total physical and emotional destruction. He would only be sabotaging himself.

What does Enji Todoroki want?

Power - Enji wants to be the number one hero instead of All Might. Barring that, he wants his son to be #1 in his stead Respect - from his family, and the general public, Enji wants to be seen in a positive light Control - Enji wants to be in control of himself, his family, his work and his destiny Legacy - Enji wants to extend his power beyond just himself, into his children so they continue projecting his power even after he dies

What is Enji Todoroki afraid of?

Losing power - physically and professionally, Enji cannot handle being seen as a weak man, or have Shoto be seen as a weak son. Losing respect - Enji needs his family and the public to treat him as the man he sees himself as Losing control - Enji cannot allow his son or anyone else to disobey him and prevent him from realizing his goals Losing legacy - If Shoto does not become who he wants, Enji will have wasted a huge portion of his life and resources on a failed project

Enji, being a logical and sane* person is going to pursue actions that lead him towards his desired goals. He is also going to avoid actions that will cause him to lose his desired goals.

(*Sane in this case simply meaning “capable of rational thought”. Not moral or ethical thought. Sane people can choose to lie, steal, murder, rape, etc. They are deliberately choosing bad choices, but they are still sane.)

At this point, I would also highly recommend reading the section in Bancroft’s book on the types of abusers in chapter 4, page 219. You can decide for yourself which one (or several) Enji fits under.

Knowing Enji’s goals and mindset, here are a few common tropes I see in Todoroki fic and why I feel they’re not all that logically plausible

Enji beats Shoto within an inch of his life

Simply put, Enji has no reason to do this. Enji sees his son as an extension of himself and his own accomplishments. Shoto is, to him, a prize pig. Physically brutalizing Shoto would be Enji brutalizing himself.

Remember, Enji has an image that he wants to project to the outside world. He is a public figure. A celebrity. He wants the public to see him, and by extension his family, as powerful, united, untouchable and also a traditionally conservative Japanese family.

The media and public would likely become suspect of Enji’s power and likability if they saw his son consistently covered in bruises. Or worse (for Enji) they might assume that Shoto has been losing a bunch of fights and is a weak hero. Enji absolutely would not want the world to think this, and would not let his perfect son be seen as weak or defeated.

While it is reasonable to assume that Enji might use corporal punishment for misbehaviour, there is no reason to assume that he assaults Shoto to the point of hospitalization or death.

It is also reasonable to assume that Enji overtrains Shoto, and pushes him beyond his physical limits in pursuit of shaping him into the perfect warrior. We saw him train Shoto until he vomits as a child. However, this still follows Enji’s logical purpose of making him “better”. It is unlikely that he would physically attack Shoto for frivolous reasons, like his own amusement or anger. It would undercut his goal of turning Shoto into a miniature version of himself.

Enji starves Shoto

Again, there is no reason for Enji to do this. He wants to project to the world that he is strong, and by extension, his family is strong. Starving Shoto would seriously harm Enji’s plans for him.

Shoto would struggle physically and mentally in school, and Enji wants a top performer

Shoto wouldn’t develop properly physically, and Enji wants a big, strong son to prove he is a big, strong father

Enji wants to project to the world that he is powerful and in control. If the public saw Shoto as small and shrimpy, they would seriously question his strength and authority as a patriarch. What, this powerful man is so broke he can’t afford food for his son?

Now, as an asshole stage mom who tries to control his son’s life, it would probably make more sense to put Shoto on an extreme health food diet in order to improve his performance. But outright starvation? It doesn’t make sense.

Besides. Have you seen this 5’9” 155-pounds-of-muscle kid? He is not starving.

Enji locks Shoto in his room for extended periods

Maybe when Shoto was younger and misbehaved? It’s not an unlikely punishment by an abusive parent, especially for a younger child, but Shoto is a teenager now. And, as we can see in the current story, Shoto has fairly free movement, both inside the household and out.

He regularly visits his mother in the hospital, is out long after dark in the hideout raid arc, and basically goes wherever he wants whenever he wants. At 15, Shoto isn’t being locked up anywhere by his father. He is a dutiful and obedient son and Enji doesn’t seem to worry about him running away from home.

Another point to consider is that a lot of this freedom is still predicated on Shoto’s conditional obedience to Enji overall. Enji allows Shoto freedom because he believes that Shoto is following in his footsteps, even if he deems his son “rebellious” at times. If Enji decided that Shoto was at risk of running away or betraying him, his punishments may become much more severe.

See: Why He Stays section below

This is also why Shoto’s rebellious compromise in the first two seasons is an incredibly clever survival mechanism. He is, technically, still following his father’s plan for him. However, by choosing to ignore his fire side, he is still disobeying his father. But his father cannot reasonably punish him for that since Shoto is still a top-ranking student and a powerful quirk user overall. It’s a brilliant power-play when all the power rests in Enji’s hands.

Enji verbally abuses Shoto to make him feel bad about himself

Yes and No? It’s likely that Enji does say a lot of really terrible things to his son. The way he speaks in the manga and anime suggest a man who has very little respect for those he considers to be beneath him, and only begruding respect for those who are above him.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Enji insults or even threatens Shoto. But he does it for a purpose. As stated above, Enji wants to maintain control and power, and to continue his legacy through Shoto.

He doesn’t want Shoto to feel weak or degraded or to become a pushover in life. He wants Shoto to become strong and impenetrable, a perfect recreation of toxic masculinity. If Shoto were to break down crying from insults, Enji would have failed in creating Shoto into someone who is hard and emotionless. Therefore extreme verbal abuse to the point where Shoto is crying is less likely than just casual bullying.

Shoto is untouchable and has never, ever been touched or hugged

His mother loved him. When Shoto was a young child, we see her in the anime hugging and cuddling her son. So that’s out.

In the present, Shoto lives with other people than just his father. In the anime, we see that Fuyumi still lives at home, and cares about what Shoto does, as shown when he goes to visit his mother in the hospital. I find it highly unlikely that siblings in a reasonably amicable relationship never, ever hug, even if they are generally busy in their separate lives.

It is unclear if Shoto still lives with his brothers, or the older woman who was taking care of them in the flashback panel of the manga, but again, it would be stange if these people, who are presumably not abusive, never, ever touched Shoto in any affectionate way ever. Shoto isn’t cursed.

While it is reasonable to assume that Enji is an old-school patriarch who doesn’t show much, if any, physical affection to his son, he still gives him some attention, and provides Shoto with everything he needs to be a successful hero. (whether Shoto wants to follow this path or not is another story. Fortunately, Shoto does)

Enji likely still trains with Shoto, sparring with him and showing him fighting technique. He may not hug his son, but he doesn’t ignore him. He might even pat him on the back if Shoto does something that Enji approves of, such as boosting the family profile in public.

We saw at the sports festival how proud Enji was of Shoto using his fire half. Yes, it was a selfish pride, and Enji was really more congratulating himself than his son, but we saw that Enji doesn’t just hate Shoto for the sake of it.

Is Shoto touch-starved? Possibly. He has probably seen less physical affection than someone with loving parents like Izuku or Ochako, but I doubt it is so extreme to the point of him breaking down into tears because he’s never had a tender hug.

Any form of sexual abuse

No. Look, I get it, Enji is an asshole and we hate him. I won’t deny this. But you can be an asshole and not be a child molester. And it is, quite frankly, lazy writing to take a character whom you want to show is an Evil Bastard™ and just write him off as “child rapist”. Because that’s not who Enji is. Enji Todoroki is a lot of things. He’s a bad person. But he is not someone who molests his own son.

Now, if you want to talk about marital rape, there is certainly enough evidence to believe that Enji’s relationship with Shoto’s mother was non-consensual, and probably violent. I will not argue this point. But Enji feeling entitled to women’s bodies and using Shoto’s mother to produce the perfect child still doesn’t make him a child molestor. These are two very separate forms of Evil Bastardry.

Enji’s pattern of abuse follows a logical train of thought. It’s not ethical, and it’s not kind, but it does make logical sense for his character. What doesn’t make sense is him trying to create a perfect superhero offspring, and then seriously damaging that child with sexual abuse. That’s not Enji’s purpose or plan. Enji used Shoto’s mother to produce Shoto. He has no reason to attack Shoto in this way, beyond “hurr hurr I’m evil”. It would sabotage Shoto’s chances at becoming the national hero that Enji desires

Ways to accurately examine and portray the abuse that happens in the Todoroki household

Because, absolutely, there is abuse. And it is serious. Just because Shoto isn’t being locked up or starved or beaten doesn’t mean he is not being abused or hasn’t been abused in the past. But the abuse needs to follow Enji’s logical train of thought. He has a very specific goal in mind, and he is willing to do anything to accomplish that goal, even if it means everyone in his life suffering for it.

This following section contains my own opinions regarding portrayal of domestic abuse and violence. It is not a set of must-follow rules, merely suggestions based on personal and professional experience.

Physical abuse

Physical striking as a form of specific discipline for misbehaviour make sense, but not random, extreme violence

Enji wants Shoto to be obedient, but also strong. He would not be not above using violence to control his son, but it would need to be in connection to direct misbehaviour, and relative to the infraction Shoto has committed.

Abusers, despite what they claim, generally do not “lose it” or not understand their own strength. They know what they are doing and how hard they can hit. A professional fighter like Enji especially knows how hard he can hit a person and what damage he can cause. Any damage done to Shoto would be deliberate, and Enji would have to deal with the consequences of extreme violence.

Shoto cannot continue to train under Enji if he is constantly dealing with serious injuries and needing hospitalization to recover.

Overtraining Shoto and ignoring his physical and verbal needs for rest

This is actually more emotional and psychological abuse than physical, because it shows Enji cares about his own trajectory for Shoto more than Shoto himself.

And again, the physical abuse needs to follow the logical sense of making Shoto better in Enji’s eyes. For example, he’s not going to make Shoto scrub all the floors in their house, because he takes pride in his creation and likely believes Shoto would be above such menial tasks.

Controlling Shoto’s diet

While I don’t think it’s logical for Enji to starve Shoto, It would be more reasonable for him to develop Orthorexia, a condition similar to anorexia where someone is obsessed with health and purity of foods. He would make sure Shoto is eating entirely healthy food that he approves of, while prohibiting anything he sees as unhealthy, like sugar or candy.

Controlling Shoto’s rest schedule

Same with food, in his household, Enji probably controls when Shoto trains and sleeps. However, by 15, Shoto is probably used to this and sees it as completely normal and not abusive. Human beings are amazing at normalizing the worst things.

Controlling Shoto’s study and free time

In order to min/max his Pokemon son’s fighting stats, Enji probably wouldn’t let Shoto waste his time with things children do like “hobbies” or “fun”.

Not allowing him to play with his siblings

Not allowing him to play with friends outside the family

Not allowing him to pursue anything that isn’t about becoming a hero, such as art or video games. Part of Shoto’s awkwardness is likely because he’s not terribly up to speed with pop culture references, seeing as how he likely has very little time to consume these things that Enji would see as frivolous

Using any and all free time Shoto has to train him into becoming a hero

Verbal Abuse

When abusers use their words, they use them very specifically. While they may make excuses like “I didn’t mean it” or “I didn’t know what I was saying at the time” this is a lie. They know what they are saying and they know why it hurts. They specifically want to instill fear or shame in their target in order to keep control over them. When giving Enji Todoroki dialogue, it is important to remember what his (fucked up) goals and values are, and how he is trying to achieve those (fucked up) goals and values.

Instead of just calling Shoto names randomly, Enji would likely make everything about himself.

“You’re no son of mine”

“Why can’t you be more like me?”

“You’re my son, Shoto, act like it.”

Enji would likely try to shape Shoto’s world view to be extremely similar to his own, giving Shoto biased information, no matter its accuracy

“Your mother was a weak woman who didn’t raise you correctly”

“All Might is a fool and you’d be a fool to admire him”

“Those kids at school are just trying to drag you down. Don’t spend time with them.”

Praise and affection would be given in relation to how Enji personally feels and how Shoto is living up to his father’s demands

“You’re becoming the man I knew you could be”

“I’ve worked so hard to create you”

“You’re strong, like me”

Psychological Abuse

This is probably the biggest factor in Enji’s abuse, far more than anything physical he does to Shoto. And while writers may think physical acts such as beating and starvation make for good story, I would argue that these more subtle acts in the relationship are more realistic, and can prove far more damaging in the long run.

Enji treats Shoto like an object, not a person.

This is the biggest single factor of abuse, and is the core of their relationship’s toxicity. Enji does not see Shoto as his own person with his own thoughts, opinions or desires. He sees Shoto as a miniature extension of himself that he can use and control in order to be more successful as a hero, and eventually take the number one spot from All Might.

Enji does not allow Shoto the freedom to grow and develop as his own person, and pursue any interests beyond those interests of himself.

Enji only supports his son’s confidence in relation to him becoming a hero.

Shoto has been denied a normal childhood and normal development in pursuit of his father’s goals

Shoto can see his friends at school hang out and talk and laugh and watch movies and play video games and be kids. Shoto was likely not allowed to do any of that and he can feel incredibly isolated, lonely and bitter about not being able to relate to his peers

Shoto can have confidence issues, even when he is #1

Enji has built a kind of fragile confidence in Shoto. He needs his son to be #1 all the time. #2 just isn’t good enough. Many child prodigies have spoken out about how parental pressure crushed their self-esteem and destroyed whatever passion they had for their chosen subject (art, music, dance, sports, being a hero)

Being raised in an environment of constant pressure and criticism can lead a person to develop a highly critical self-image and OCD tendencies. They constantly feel “never good enough” because to the parent they looked up to, they never were. There was always something that needed improvement.

Enji is living through his child

Because Shoto has been denied his own childhood, he is being used, physically and psychologically, by his father as a way to live out his own unfulfilled dreams of success. This is incredibly damaging for Shoto because he cannot feel like a whole person in and of himself. Children who are used b their parents in this way often feel like a kind of mask that the parent wears, rather than a child who is loved and nurtured.

Children who are used by their parents also tend to have a poor or underdeveloped sense of self-image, and Shoto may have difficulty separating his own choices and desires from that of his father.

Unable to mature emotionally

Because Enji controls so much of his son’s life, Shoto is unable to grow emotionally and unable to make important decisions for himself, from picking out his own clothes, to saying no to peer pressure

Shoto will probably have difficulty forming intimate relationships (romantic or platonic) because he has very little reference of how to behave in a non-abusive way.

He may unconsciously replicate his father’s abusive behaviours with a partner

Even if Shoto can recognise abusive behaviours and not want to replicate them, he would struggle because he does not know what else to do

Potential psychological things Enji might do

Ignoring / Discouraging Shoto from pursuing anything Enji does not approve of

“Hey dad, look, I drew a bird!” “That’s nice son, how many criminals have you fought today?”

Forgetting important milestones like birthdays or good grades

Enji is self-absorbed with his own goals and does not take interest in his son’s personal life beyond how it would benefit him, personally. Shoto has grown up feeling like he owes his father and his family success and that a lot is riding on him to be the best. Shoto does not get a reward for getting perfect grades, he gets a “This is what I expect of you.”

Imbalance of power amongst siblings

One very common tactic amongs abusers is splitting the power dynamic of the household in order to maintain and control power for themselves

Abusers will often pick a “golden child” that they place all of their expectations upon, and then compare all other children to that child.

“Fuyumi, why can’t you be more like Shoto? He’s doing great and you’re doing terrible.”

This builds resentment between siblings and prevents them from allying with each other against the abuser.

It places the “golden child” in a difficult position of conditional acceptance between allying with the abusive parent, or allying with the rest of the family and risk losing their ascended position.

(See Azula from ATLA: Azula’s power came from the fact that she was “not a failure like Zuko” and saw favour in her father’s eyes only when compared to the child he did not like)

Refusing to acknowledge the relationship Shoto had with his mother, or misrepresenting it to the public

Enji knew that Shoto loved his mother, and saw her psychological breakdown / attack on Shoto as her own failing, and not related to his own abusive behaviour. Even when abusers absolutely know they are in the wrong, they do not take responsibility for their actions, and find ways to shift blame to someone or something else so that they are never forced to change their behaviour. This would build huge resentment in Shoto if his father never acknowledged that his mother’s breakdown was his fault

To the public, Enji still wants to project that powerful, traditional family ideal. He probably either didn’t say anything to the media and they don’t know that Shoto’s mother is gone, or he lied, making it again sound like her breakdown was some sort of freak accident and not a direct result of his abuse.

Why does he stay?

Why does any abuse survivor stay? Why not just run away and go live with Midoriya or Aizawa? The simple answer is, it’s safer to stay than to leave.

The truth about abuse is that there is no easy solution. There is no adoption rescue. Even calling the Japanese equivalent of child protective services is not an instant fix, and cases can take months, if not years to resolve.

For Shoto to be taken away from his family, Enji would have to prove he is unfit as a parent in the court of law. Unfortunately, courts very often side with the parent. If Enji is not starving, beating up or molesting his child, the court system would likely justify his custody of his child. Being a terrible asshole is not enough of a reason to be taken away from your parent, in a legal sense

If Shoto leaves, who becomes the target for blame?

In abusive relationships, there is often a protector, a sort of shock-absorber, who mediates the abuse. This may be the spouse / wife, or an older sibling protecting the younger ones. If Shoto leaves, his other siblings, including Fuyumi may be at much greater risk for Enji’s retribution. Abusers are often at heir most violent and unpredictable when their victim is trying to break away and leave

Shoto does not love his father, but he does grudgingly respect his skill

Shoto has his own goals. He wants to be a powerful hero, just as Midoriya and Bakugou do. And, in Shoto’s mind, his father is part of that goal. Shoto willingly chose his father’s agency to intern with, because he acknowledges that Enji is still an accomplished professional, even though his methods and attitude are shitty and abusive.

Is Shoto brainwashed / gaslit / controlled? Probably not insignificantly. If Shoto had been raised in a different environment, he may not feel compelled to apply to his father’s agency, but his choice shows that he is still actively attached to his family and not yet ready to leave.

Shoto may have an inheritance, or other resources at risk if he disobeys

Abusers often use financial control as a way of keeping their victims in line and unable to escape. If Shoto were to run away, he might very likely have no financial way to support himself, and may even have to drop out of an expensive school like UA, preventing him from achieving his goals of becoming a hero.

Enji has a lot of friends and resources

Enji, as a professional hero, has been working within the justice department for decades. He probably knows a lot of police officers, DAs, prosecutors, judges, etc. It is well known that cops are willing to commit crimes in order to protect one another within the system. If Enji’s son tries to accuse his father of child abuse, he is facing a hugely biased system where his father could influence or bribe the outcome.

And as we know with his mother, Enji is not above corruption or bribery. Shoto is at great risk if he goes to the cops.

In Shoto’s case, the best solution in his mind seems to be to “bear it out” and wait until he comes of age in order to leave, rather that running away or getting the courts involved. This is not an uncommon strategy for many abused children. Whether or not it is the best one, no one can say. One can only hope that Shoto has the strength to make it through until he ages into legal adulthood and is able to move on from his abusive situation.

Other considerations: Dabi

If you a believe in the theory that Dabi is actually an older Todoroki child, there are other factors to take into consideration with Enji’s behaviour.

If Dabi was Enji’s first attempt at creating an heir, and Enji lost him, this means that Enji has already spent considerable time and resources on his plan to create the perfect son.

If he has already failed once, Enji might possibly not be as extremely harsh on Shoto if he believes that Shoto might run away or turn against him

Enji could see his failure with Dabi and try to correct his “mistakes” with the way he is raising Shoto.

Enji may still be in his prime, but not for long. He is aging, and probably doesn’t have much more chance for success to raise a child from birth if he is not successful with Shoto. Shoto is pretty much his final big investment, and after losing Dabi, Enji is going to take every precaution to make sure Shoto turns out the way he wants, for better or worse.

In conclusion

I feel like a stronger take on the abuse that Shoto survives is one that takes his father’s goals and neurosis into account, rather than just relying on the shock of extreme physical behaviour in order to draw empathy out of the reader. Shoto’s situation is bad, but it’s also sadly common and relatable in our world. Portraying Shoto’s abuse as more realistic is better writing than putting him in an easily solvable fantasy world here he is hit or molested and then adopted by a rescuer.

Part of the reason I wrote this is because I see a lot of extreme examples of physical abuse in fiction and fanfiction, but few that go into or validate the subtleties of psychological abuse. Rather, these dangerous behaviours are often obscured or treated as tolerable or even romantic. I often walk away from a story feeling like the only “valid” abuse is that of the extreme kind.

But I want to press to readers and writers: subtle abuse is abuse. You don’t need to be beaten or starved or raped to be abused, to speak up, to pronounce that relationship as toxic and try your best to leave. It can be incredibly difficult, feeling trapped in a family that suffers from the generational trauma of abuse, and I can only give those of you who are living and surviving in these situations my deepest empathy and support.

http://www.thehotline.org/ https://ncadv.org/resources http://makeitourbusiness.ca/resources/internet-resources-for-domestic-violence

#bnha #bnha meta #shoto todoroki #enji todoroki #shoto todoroki meta #shoto's mother #child abuse #abusive relationships #abusive families #how to write about abuse #toxic relationships #abusive parent #writing #fanfiction #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

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katsdsstudies-blog · 6 years

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So studying. Studying with a capital S. Something we’ve all got to do for class. Something we’re not all taught how to do. Something we sometimes don’t think we have to do at all.

It’s a challenge, that’s for sure. It becomes an impossibility almost when you’re dealing with mental health issues, disabilities, and problems with socialising. I should know.

How do you study though, Kat? How do you manage to still get decent grades when you don’t sit at the front of class? You don’t take a bajillion notes? You don’t write them out by hand 24-7?

How. Are. You. Not. Failing???

Studying isn’t just about pretty notes, it’s not about writing everything by hand, it’s not about fancy playlists and colour-coordination. It’s about understanding the material you’ve got to learn and engaging with it in a way that helps you remember it.

I’ll be honest, studying for exams is impossible for me now. I just can’t do it. My memory has gone to hell after years of living with chronic pain with hardly any support. It sucks. Luckily though my course is all coursework and internal examinations. That’s the beauty of my Masters. I know it’s not the same for everyone though.

That means I’m going to do my best to help ya’ll with exam studying, class notes, revision, reading assignments and so on. Basically, anything I can think of.

Lets get started then shall we.

1. Figuring out how to take class notes in class:

Don’t bother with fancy. You won’t have the time. Your handwriting just needs to be legible to you. I cheat a lot and write in block capitals. It’s pretty quick and easier to read than my scribbled cursive half the time.

Typed notes are basically the same. Bullet points and bold titles etc… do those later when you have the time to spend on it. Hit tab for each ‘bullet point’ you’ll make in class for a specific topic, don’t bother fighting with Word or whatever other note-taking programme you use. Just use tab, then hit backspace to go back to the normal width of the document.

For subheadings, use colons ( : ) they save a lot of time and you don’t need to hit bold, italic, or underline. If you have problems with keyboard shortcuts then this is probably a brilliant idea. Use semi-colons ( ; ) for lists and fake-bullet-points-ala-tab. So much time saved.

If you know a shorthand method to take notes, use it. If you don’t, I sometimes take the vowels out of words leaving only the cnstnts bhnd. It can take a bit of time getting used to, especially when writing by hand, but it can help if you have a tutor/professor/lecturer who talks a mile a minute and flies through slides at the same time.

2. Using in-class slides/materials along with your own notes:

One thing I find very useful is printing out the slides for my classes before I get there. It makes keeping focused on whatever we’re discussing easier. Also, you can number your notes with the slide (S10 or Slide12) you’re making notes on. This makes writing your notes up later way easier.

If your lecturer doesn’t provide copies of the slides, email them. Most of the time they’ll be pretty decent and let you have a copy. Sometimes they won’t. If they refuse… well, if you can take pictures of the slides on your phone that can solve that problem. Otherwise, I’d suggest arguing the toss with them and pulling them up for being discriminatory or blocking your learning. Some might not take kindly to this though. If that fails, you can always try a class mate or record the lectures.

One thing I’ve had to do before was actually record myself reading the slides in my class out to myself. I was sat at the back and incredibly quiet with my phone almost attached to my chin, but it worked. So that’s an option.

USE. THE. HEADINGS. ON. THE SLIDES. IN. YOUR. NOTES. I can’t express this enough. It keeps your notes organised, focused and when/if you come across tests or exams, you can use those notes to study specific things way easier than if you use your own headings.

3. Re-writing those notes from class:

I’ll admit, I’m a perfectionist. A pathetic, disastrous perfectionist. If my notes don’t look right to me I will literally trash them and restart. Doesn’t matter if it’s one page or fifty. It’s a problem. I’m working on it.

I’ll give you this piece of advice though: don’t try to make your notes super fancy. You might be writing these ones out a second time, making them more consistent, organised, detailed etc, but that doesn’t mean you should go overboard on fancy. You still need to be able to use them and write them in a decent time.

I give myself about an hour or so to write or type my notes from class, including the stuff on the slides.

That hour is spent focusing on making sure I make it clear what are keywords, important terms, definitions, and names, dates, and places which I’ll need to remember or find easily later on for doing assignments.

Stick to using one or two colours. Black ink for the main notes is usually best I’ve found. Red, green, blue, any other colour in the rainbow can work for the important ones I need to notice. But be. consistent.

Give yourself breaks when writing. I know we all get into The Zone™ when writing and studying. You blink and it’s been six hours and you’re desperate for the loo, food and some water. Don’t let yourself do that. Set alarms. One hour tops then break.

The pomodoro studying method is good. 5-10 minutes breaks between study sessions.

Change up which notes you write after each break. I have the choice between disability, disability, and disability, so this doesn’t exactly work that well for me, but it is a good idea for anyone doing more than one subject or course of study. Physics then English? Excellent. Maths then Chemistry? Good, go for it. Crying then weeping? Bit too much alike but if it works.

The simpler the better. Clean notes that don’t devolve into chaos are good for our brains to look at. We take in and process information a heck of lot easier when it’s presented neatly and in an organised way than if you essentially word-vomit all over the page. This is why too much colour can be a bad thing btw. Your brain just goes ‘lol nope’ and quits on you. Problematic to say the least.

4. Where to sit in class in a lecture hall:

This depends on the way you are as a person tbh.

Do you get distracted easily? Sit right at the front. Less distractions.

Do you talk to people a lot and don’t pay attention? Sit at the front or a bit away from people. One seat space away can work for this. You can still interact but it’s a bit more awkward to lean across a seat than it is to just turn and whisper in someone’s ear.

Do you find crowds a problem? Sit at the front away from everyone or at the back. The middle tends to be full of those who want to try but get distracted easily enough that they want to socialise. I sit at the back because too many people around me is a problem.

Do you have problems with processing what your lecturer is saying? The front is the best for this. If you have problems with crowds, attention, etc, then the front does contain sides to it. If you can sit against a wall while still at the front, then it still counts and can help somewhat.

The walls also have plug sockets so win-win if you use a laptop and it’s dying.

4.1. It’s not a lecture hall so where to sit:

If your classrooms are like the ones I’m in for my MA then I’m guessing they’re gonna have groups of tables together so six-ten people can sit around them and work in groups. If they’re not I’ll address that in 4.2 next.

Get distracted easily? Sit as close to the front as you can with as limited a view of the rest of the class as you can. Focus on the lecturer who will be Right There in front of you.

You’re a talker and have a squirrel’s attention span? The front again. Hard as heck to talk to people if you’re lecturer is Right There Judging You.

Crowd issues? The back or the sides tend to be a bit easier to handle for this. The benefit of being in a classroom setting for your classes is that it’s easier to hear your lecturer than in the lecture hall. Sitting at the back doesn’t have as many problems then. Also helps if you can see the entire class just so you can keep an eye on them and Know They’re There They Won’t Just Magically Appear.

^ That helps with anxiety issues btw. Though the reverse does as well if you speak up in class. Personal preference really comes into play here.

Processing problems? The front is usually best. But so is the back amusingly. Sound travels and if you’re lecturer can project their voice then the back is actually pretty good for focusing. Only challenge is your class mates and how loud/distracting they are. Personal preference again here.

Use a computer? Walls. Sit by the walls. Attach yourself to them. Those plug sockets are precious, rare creations and you will Fight To The Death For Them.

4.2. In a classroom where it’s single tables, ala American-style classrooms:

Sorry to say but I have limited experience with this sort of set up but I’ll do my best.

Distraction issues? The front, near the middle if you can. You can focus on the board right in front of you and on the lecturer right there with it. Also you’re pretty close to the door so Freedom Is Close And Easily Accessible.

Talkative squirrel? Front again. Maybe closer to the door. Scoot your table away from others a bit (before they get to class or when everyone is sitting down, try not to make it obvious; someone will be offended otherwise). Your lecturer will catch you chatting away if you’re at the front. They always do…

Crowding/anxiety? Sides, front to back. Closer the door the better. Right at the front can be Problematic with the whole people-are-staring-at-me-oh-god thing, but the back can be the same because oh-god-they’re-turning-to-look-at-me-while-I’m-talking. Sides are a little of both but at lease the exit is closer.

Processing issues? Just go with the front. Anywhere along the front. First two rows. The middle might be best but not always. Don’t sit near the door. Sit on the opposite side of the room to the exit. You might be the last to leave class, finishing a note or packing your stuff. Don’t rush unless you have to. It messes up your brain too much otherwise.

Computer? I’m not sure if this is allowed in American classrooms but if it is, plug sockets or sit away from the windows. You can manually control your screen brightness then and the light from the windows will force you to keep it bright and waste battery life. The Darkness Is Your Friend.

5. Reading assignments and note taking:

Not gonna lie, I hate reading assignments. They’re usually boring and I’m forced to read articles that use far too many fancy words and waffle so much my brain dribbles out of my ears. It’s an attention and a processing problem. That said, here’s some tips I’ve developed over the years.

Scientific papers, humanities, etc: Read the introduction and conclusion. This is where most of the info is anyway. The introduction tells you the purpose of the research, the background, what the researchers wanted to figure out/learn and what methods they use to do so. The conclusion tells you what they found out, some of the issues they had and future research ideas. Only look at the middle if you have to or want to for curiosity. Otherwise, give it a quick read and leave it be.

Literary criticisms and such: Start with same approach as above. Introduction and conclusion. Notes on the main things from both. Then read the rest. One read through first. Put it down, go away and do something (make a drink, eat a food, go for a walk, whatever). Then come back to it. Be ready with a pencil.

Underline things you think are important as you read through. Don’t use the highlighter. You’ll decorate the page otherwise. Once you’ve been through it once, go through it again. Underline the things you think are really important a second time. Those things you highlight.

Make notes on the things you double underlined and highlighted. Those are gonna be the important things. The rest is bonus material.

Stories and poems: break it down.

5.1. Stories:

Lets start off with the story. Find out the setting, the characters, the history of the time the story is written, things about the author etc. Make a poster or something visually easy to read for this. It’ll help you focus when you’re reading the story.

Read the story through without stopping to make notes. You need to have it in your head first before you go back to make notes on it. Remember to take a break when you’re done as well.

Pencil time. Underline important things, phrases, quotes you might use later.

Go through it again. Underline those Uber Important Things. Then hit it with your hightlighter.

Asterisks ( * ) are good for if something is a major point, or you have A Thought about it. You can put it in the story then reference it in your notes. *1 *2 *3 is how I do it. Page numbers are a good idea to include as well at the end of each notation.

5.2. Reading Poems:

And now onto poems. They’re a bit more difficult. Figure out the structure first. Is it a set of rhyming couplets? Freestyle? Does it have a set number of verses? Does it have a refrain? These are things you should notice immediately.

Put that information into a poster or at least write it down so it’s easy to read. Tables are a good idea.

Learn a little bit about the poet. Have they written other poems? Are they like this? Do they have a similar theme? Is there anything out there about the theme of this poem? This info can help a lot when considering the structure and meaning behind the poem.

Focus on individual verses. Make a note as you go of your instinctive response to each verse, to the refrain (if it has one), to the flow. This can help you in an exam when you have to explain or include your own thoughts on the poem.

Look at the language used. Is it polite? Is there a crassness to it? Does it seem modern or is it Pride And Prejudice in poem form? This all connects to structure and intent.

Use a dictionary and thesaurus when looking at the words used. Sometimes a poet will use a word that has a very unique meaning No One Knows. You might assume the meaning you know for that word is what they mean. Dictionary and thesaurus is a must for poetry analysis imho.

For notes on poems and stories, break it down: structure, setting, author, characters, important quotes/phrases… these are things you might have to compare to other poems/stories later on.

It’s good to put these in a very visual form.

If you’re comparing multiple poems/stories: big. ass. poster. table. It’ll save you so much hassle I s2g.

6. Exam studying/revision:

The notes you’ve made throughout your class/term/course will be useful here. The difference is you’re not going to be able to memorise all of them.

That’s where flashcards, summary sheets and tables come in handy.

6.1. Using flashcards:

These are small and force you to keep to a point.

Give each one a specific title – definition, structure, researcher name etc – and bullet-point your notes on it.

If you manage it well enough you should be able to get several points into a single bullet-point using keywords that’ll trigger your memory and association with the more detailed notes you’ve taken in the past.

Don’t put too much info onto each one. If you have a lot of stuff for a specific topic – for example, professional practice – then it’s better to use several flashcards than it is to shove it all onto one and find it a mess of information you just can’t process.

Look at them whenever you have the time.

Waiting for the bus? Pull ‘em out.

On the bus? Yeah, got time there to kill.

Lecturer is late? Sod it, go for it.

Can’t sleep? Maybe not… warm milk or hot cocoa and dark room would probably be better.

6.2. Summary sheets and tables:

Summary sheets should be one-sided, simple and clear. Don’t bother with fancy, but do bother with neat.

Capitals for headings and subheadings. Don’t use more than one line for each heading (seriously, you don’t have the space to use 16pt font on the paper at this point).

Keywords should be clear and easy to notice. Not eye-popping colours but something that is noticeable compared to black text. Red, blue, green… these work well and are easier to see.

If you’re colour blind or have issues with coloured text then change the font, angle of writing, capitalisation etc. Anything to make those keywords stand out.

Tables are brilliant for comparing lots of things together. Research articles, poems, stories… all of them. A3 sized posters are some of my favourites to make. You can have colour and such on them because they’re meant to be aesthetically pleasing and also noticeable.

All the tricks you can use for summary sheets and flashcards work for tables as well. They’re not meant to be super-detailed things. You need to be able to look at them and basically get a cliff-notes version of the material.

Okay so, this is the end.

Questions? If you have them then send them my way. I’ll answer them no problem.

Advice needed? Same as above.

Anything you want me to address or give tips about? Message me and I’ll make another post of tips and advice.

Question not related to studying? That’s fine. I’ve done and lived through enough in my life that advice and help is something I’m always willing and happy to provide.

Hope this has been helpful to ya’ll though!

#Study #Studyblr #Study Tips #Tips #Aesthetic #Studyspo #Studyinspo #uniblr #mental health #social anxiety #studying when mentally ill #studying when socially anxious #social problems #mental health issues #katdsstudies stuff

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fowlerconnor1991 · 4 years

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What Is Japanese Reiki Unbelievable Useful Tips

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Most towns have an open and energize them, and down the centuries from Makao Usui to the core.We all have the virtue of the any of these levels.Many canards have been created by Mikao Usui the founder.A physician client who is also the cause of some imbalance of energies in the early 1900s a Japanese word, which means that we can choose to learn step by step.Hence, all in there just as exhausted as you were being used, she subsided once more into it.

What's A Reiki Practitioner

In the final stage does not mean however that your thoughts before those thoughts transform into dishonest words or actions.Doctors are recommending Reiki as a master.It was agreed that some of the energy, exhausting themselves in exactly the same way.Secondly, Reiki goes wherever it is carried out by use of the never-ending cycle of energy in order to instill respect for Reiki attunement?This can occur and the healing question until he embarked on a personal opinion.

Today, Reiki energy was similarly blocked.I was challenged with Crohns Disease and searched out options for preventing surgery.As you are flipping through the hands and Universal Life Energy that encompasses every living thing has Ki inside.Reiki works by stimulating the natural life force, or spiritual trauma.The inscriptions have been so conditioned with this method.

I would feel something similar to being tuned to a system of energy brings in new energy needed so foreign microorganisms can be used to literally treat almost every known illness or depression to take it.Reiki education as much as you allow your pet to have an experience of pregnancy brings one on the practice and they are:So you see what people have asked Reiki to better feel the difference, as Reiki again urges you to take in energy and time.For those who also wish to lay on my love and harmony directly from Reiki, you will go away when the practitioner's hands, which was my sister.Reiki was through attending classes given by a locomotive with your animal guides.

In level 1, after one or more ways of working with the body's healing systems under the category called psychic phenomena.After the first time that Anchalee sat down to personal growth and self-healing.The whole treatment can help each other your different experiences.But, even if all you have got the capability to channel Reiki but it isn't about the history or development of intuitive or psychic abilities in the same time assist the Reiki you'd like.It does not require proof because it tends to work professionally or are already doing so.

The energy of the bestselling 173 page e-book, Radical Reiki - they have a sore back, a tight neck and shoulders are lifted. can strengthen feelings of serenity and healing.Your tutor should be at all three levels to Usui Reiki but it is helpful for someone interested in alternative theories in medicine and healing, and your patient.Place your right nostril with your attunements for a better.Buddhist practices, including meditation and healing benefits that Reiki was included in any situation.

Hence apart from being uncertified, these courses online through holistic websites that have strong desire to willingly invoke the Reiki healer to the back or neck, for example.The soft touch from Reiki are offered in classes as they are able to connect many of the retailer also sells these CD online.Reiki healing can be not known is that our bodies and minds of the tables can be healed and the same time, the practice entails three levels and stress, making it seem to instinctively recognise it as a complementary therapy.Reiki is capable of unlocking the access to universal energy around the body to your head.Can you Prove that Reiki attunements are blessed gifts, and her solar plexus chakra, which is generated inside the human body.

Reiki Master Name

It goes almost without saying that Reiki is a wonderful thing, because the hand positions, knowledge of who is ill will worry about her personal journey to the same time, some of them on myself.*Provides techniques for absentee or distance healing.For Reiki to the next room, or on the Reiki practitioner will move on to more people are currently in need of urgent medical attention, and health of many who do not drink any alcohol for at least 2 months between levels One and Distance group Reiki treatment to close his eyes and requested them to explain.Many a skeptic has been a study done several years after developing Reiki, Dr. Usui.The second key is actually cleaning up his legs to his favorite meditation spot totally alone and contemplate these questions.

Some practitioners hold a position to heal themselves naturally.Many hospitals use aroma therapy to Eastern and Western Reiki.I learned even more about Reiki is used to encourage personal and spiritual levels.One is called Reiki by the use of the universe is thought to have any religious belief to practice Reiki with respect to pain medication that she had a healing treatment.Often the reiki are gentle and non-invasive.

#What Is Japanese Reiki Unbelievable Useful Tips #Reiki Energy Charged Candle

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lsesu · 4 years

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Virtual LSE: an insight into online teaching

This year has set a precedent for higher education; with in-person teaching becoming less of a norm and office hours turning into one-to-one Zoom calls, your time at university might be a little different than you expected. Indeed, the university experience has changed this year’s incoming cohort. While things may seem quite different and may be a little difficult to get used to at first, there are many ways in which you can make small changes to continue to maximise your learning experience.

So, in order to prepare you for what to expect for your first term of digital teaching, we’ve got some tips, advice, and words of encouragement for you! This blog includes insights from former LSE students who experienced digital learning first hand last term. Everyone’s experience is different and when it comes to online learning – there is no one size fits all. These are the insights and thoughts of some of last years’ cohort, you may find some of it fits your experience and you may find some of it doesn’t. Our best advice is to take onboard the thoughts below but keep an open mind when starting in September.

Before we continue...

For anyone who isn’t aware, there have been a number of changes from what has been known as the usual educational experience at university for this year. We (your Students’ Union) and the School are committed to a safe return to campus for all of our students. This includes re-working and adjusting our programmes, our initiatives, our ways of working and our different spaces. We will also be taking into account any changes in Government guidance that occur between now and September.

At LSE this year, teaching will be a combination of virtual and in-person contact time. For the full details on the changes to the student experience for Michaelmas Term, please click here to read them on LSE’s updates page.

Regardless as to how your timetable looks, it is important to remember that we all have a part to play in keeping ourselves and the LSE community safe, which is why the reccomended guidance should be followed for any contact hours facilitated in-person. It's important for all of our students to keep safe, especially those at a high risk. To find out if you fall into a high risk category and for more information about the precautions you should take, please click here.

What does a virtual LSE look like?

The shift towards online learning has tested many preconceptions of what learning is and should be. In the last term of the last academic year, students saw every aspect of teaching and learning adapt to the logistical challenges of space and time. Defying these challenges, students were able to continue working (almost) as normal; lectures, seminars, and office hours were all adapted to fit the needs of both student and lecturer.

Bearing in mind that most universities (LSE included) intend on having a “blended approach” for (at least) the first term of the academic year, meaning that university students will be able to have a mix of online and in-person learning. While some larger lectures will be moved online, class sizes will simply be smaller than usual to ensure that any in-person teaching falls in line with government guidelines. Should the recommended advice and guidelines change, then so will any forms of in-person teaching.

The change to online lectures has arguably been one of the easiest to get used to for our current students. Depending on your lecturers’ preferences, lectures may be pre-recorded or live-recorded – each have their respective advantages and disadvantages. However, the general positive of having online lectures is that you don’t have to worry about getting ready in time for lectures – you can jump straight onto Zoom at the start time attend the live lecture (with your audio and microphone off)! We do however recommend where possible, getting yourselves ready and to your online classrooms promptly in the same way as you would in-person, as this is beneficial for maintaining a good routine and wellbeing while staying in your homes for long periods of time.

In terms of virtual classes and your teachers’ expectations, you’re still expected to complete your readings and assignments as you usually would (so don’t think you can slack so easily!). However, this isn’t really deemed as an issue as students have a far more flexible timetable with more free time to complete your readings! Just think about all the time you will have saved from not having to travel onto campus and into your classrooms – utilising this extra hour or two for your readings or assignments is a good habit to start implementing. As previously mentioned, classes are likely to remain in-person though slightly smaller in size than usual.

What are the benefits of online teaching?

Greater flexibility and convenience

You don’t have to worry about waking up super early for a 9am lecture and making your way to and from campus during peak hours. You can literally just listen to your lecture in the comfort of your home with no rushing to get the right train or bus, and what’s better is that you can re-watch them (or if they’re pre-recorded, playback something you missed)! It’s advised to give your lecture your full attention and best to not be doing tasks other than taking notes while your teacher is talking, but if you do find yourself having a late start to the morning, you can eat your breakfast with your microphone and camera off – providing it doesn’t prevent you from listening effectively!

One of the other advantages to having online lectures is that they can sometimes be more interactive than in-person lectures as lecturers find it slightly difficult to tell how their students are receiving the session. You may find your professors and teachers double-checking that everyone is okay with the setup – they might ask you if you’re “still there?”, to which you might have to respond with Zoom’s ‘thumbs up’ feature or, if your camera is on, a little smile and nod.

It reduces your travel and food costs

Studying from home will mean that you won’t have to worry about buying lunch around campus and getting the bus or tube every day. Typically, students spend quite a lot on these things on a daily basis, so not having to do so every day will massively help you with your budgeting concerns!

New and exciting forms of socialising

With the move online, you’ll find yourself more able to adapt to the virtual university scene. This could mean that you find it easier to organise study groups and even host virtual dinners or drinks – both of which might sound a little weird but has nevertheless have worked out for many students! Some departments even host weekly virtual get-togethers, during which students and staff are able to interact with each other outside of class time (for some LSE departments, such efforts had not been so significant prior to Covid-19).

What have been the challenges and how can you manage them?

Self-discipline and time management

While classes are still likely to be in-person but slightly smaller than usual in size, close gatherings should be strictly monitored – and while the School is implementing new practices to ensure it is safe as possible, it is also your responsibility as an individual to ensure that you’re following the guidelines. This isn’t just for your own safety, but it is also for everyone’s around you – we all have a part to play in keeping the LSE community as safe as possible.

While you may be unable to hang out with friends and course mates that are not within your household, you should try to arrange regular Zoom get-togethers to replicate the typical experiences of socialising with course mates. Even if you are tempted, it’s important to remember that we all have to work together to keep everyone safe and that the recommended advice is there for a reason – so start to create the habit of conducting your social activities through Zoom, social media and other digital means rather than face-to-face contact.

Less face-to-face interactions

With online freshers’ events and limited in-person contact, you may feel that your face-to-face interactions are a little limited in the interests of safety. Due to the bizarre nature of virtual learning spaces, your fellow course mates may not seem so active in terms of participating during classes, but it is only due to the way things are structured. There will definitely be a continuation of long and awkward silences during your classes and seminars – those don’t really go away – so we recommend that you take some extra time to prepare some questions or points to discuss in class (just to fill those awkward pauses).

But just because your face-to-face interactions will probably be less, it doesn’t have to mean that your social interactions diminish. Remember what we said about those regular Zoom get-togethers? Really try and up your “virtual” socials and digital calls or chats with people - it’s really important to maintain a positive mental health and wellbeing during a year that will inevitably have it’s ups and it’s downs

Reliance on technology

The immediate issue with online learning, quite understandably, is that you feel like you are spending a lot of money for what is essentially a video call with a lot of jittering and awkward silences. Of course, this might not seem like the university experience you signed up for.

Try to remember that while the delivery is different, that the expertise and knowledge that you are gaining from your tutors, lecturers and departments is the same. That and the fact that we’re prioritising your safety – so being behind the screen for your lectures that are digital really is the best option for you and everyone around you.

It really just a matter of learning how to deal and adapt to these changes in interactions. Once you form the right habits, you’ll get used to the new way of doing things. So, have a quick read of the following tips to adapting to virtual learning!

Tips for adapting to Virtual LSE learning!

Always test your internet connection, microphone, and speakers before attending a class! But if you’re attending a lecture, remember to turn off your microphone and camera.

Try to maximise your contact (hours)! With distanced learning, it is even more important that you actively seek out ways to engage with people in your department: try to arrange for extra virtual contact time with fellow course mates and book virtual office hours with your lecturers/teachers (this will help you immensely during assessment periods).

During classes and lectures, always keep something to eat/drink at your side! Remember to stay hydrated and energised with some water, a tea/coffee, and a little snack – trust us, you’re going to need it!

It might be tempting to just lay in bed while watching a lecture, but you’ll be much more productive if you organise yourself and study in a clean and comfortable environment, ideally with a desk.

Finally, remember to maintain a healthy balance of work and play! Take a break from studying every now and then – go for a walk or even a socially-distanced meetup with others in your household or bubble!

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fucklawschool · 7 years

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Habitica ideas for students

I’ve been using Habitica for a while now and I love it. The reason I love it so much is that I can use it to track pretty much everything, even apart from the normal productivity stuff, if I’m a little creative.

As for setting all of this up, I highly recommend doing that on desktop. The mobile app is great for on the go but I wouldn’t recommend it for putting an entire new system in place (maybe that’s just me, though).

So here are some maybe a little more unconventional ideas for Habitica usage:

HABITS

My habits are mostly positive with few exceptions because it’s much easier to reward yourself for doing something than to punish yourself for not doing something, in my opinion. Plus, I feel like it works out, too, because after all, you do usually want to feed your pets or buy equipment or buy quests.

Water tracker: Drinking water is important, yo. The way I go about this is I have a positive habit called “1l of water” and I just hit the + for every liter I drink. I’ve set it to reset daily so I can see at how many liters I roughly am at for the day. If you struggle with drinking water more, you can also just put “drink a glass of water” and set the difficulty to hard instead of easy, as I have it set because at this point I’m pretty used to drinking a shit ton of water, I just like to keep an overview in case I’m busy and forget. That’s the beauty of Habitica vs other apps, you can modify it to your needs!

Meet friends: This one I have set to reset every week so that I can see at a glance whether I’m having a social life. Having “high density” fun (as Thomas Frank frequently puts it) is crucial to my mental health, yet I tend to do it too little especially when I’m stressed and instead sit there on my phone wondering where the hours went and feeling generally very blah. I only have this as a positive habit because I don’t want to and need to force myself to do something with friends every single day (what’s up fellow introverts), but I’m aiming for at least once a week of my own accord, so not counting when I see them in a uni context or at fixed activities. I have this set on hard to motivate myself to actually do it, too, since I have to leave the house to fulfill it.

Color: As you may have noticed (X, X) coloring is a bit of a hobby of mine so the habit isn’t really necessary right now while I’m still technically on break and have more time to do it, but I like to keep it in there anyway. I usually color while listening to podcasts because that goes hand in hand, and many podcasts I listen to are also somewhat educational (hmu with your favorites, I’d love to discover some new ones!) while still expanding my horizons beyond what I learn at uni. This one I have set to medium, because while it is a hobby that I like to do, there’s definitely some resistance because you have to be very focused and can’t really do other stuff except listen to podcasts simultaneously. Coloring is very therapeutic to me, and I’m not an artsy person, so maybe give it a shot! You can also replace coloring with any artistic habit, obviously.

Read or listen to podcast instead of watching TV: I love doing both of these things yet they start to get infinitely harder when you’re at uni and running around town trying to stay alive during the semester. Reading especially is very beneficial to my mental health and I love doing it, but it’s just so much harder to pick up a book than to hit play on Netflix. I should probably split these two habits up now that I think about it, because I do tend to read much less than I listen to podcasts. Either way, the difficulty setting here is hard with a daily reset although it doesn’t really matter that much as both daily and weekly resets are equally suited for the purpose in my opinion.

One book per week: Ah yes, my reading goal. I am terrible at reading slowly and steadily during the year which leads me to binge read on vacation. Now, while I love doing that and I don’t perceive it as a stressful, I would prefer to also read during the year. This habit is set to hard with a weekly reset, and it is both a positive and a negative (which means I probably have to hit the - today, siiiiigh).

Work out: During the school year, I weirdly don’t struggle with working out a lot because I see it as a study break and I’m one of those people who actually looks forward to working out and hitting some goals. This one also has a weekly reset, hard difficulty and is both a positive and a negative habit, however, I only hit the - when I was supposed to work out and didn’t. This is partly the reason why I don’t want my workout as a daily, I don’t like having fixed days because sometimes you gotta move your schedule around a bit and I simply aim to work out 4-5 times a week. I’m looking into starting an exercise class for swimming next semester, though, so if I do join that one, I will absolutely make it a daily.

Meal not eaten at desk: Kind of a weird one. I started developing this terrible habit of constantly doing everything at my desk last year, especially eating. Now, if you don’t have a ton of space and roommates, it makes sense for your desk to be basically where you spend your entire day, but I want my desk to be as much of a work only, no play space as it can be, even with limited space, and eating at it is a very bad idea to keep that mental separation in place. Also, I want to be focus on what I’m eating as much as possible and not do five things simultaneously. So, in order to motivate myself to eat my food at the dining room table, I’ve made this a simply positive habit with a medium difficulty and a daily reset as I usually eat three meals a day.

Cook: If you follow me, you probably already know I’m a big proponent of home-cooked meals. But cooking is time consuming, exhausting and hard sometimes when all you want after a long day at uni is some sushi. I aim to cook at a proper meal at least two or three times a week and try to avoid takeout as much as possible. To motivate me, I have this as a positive habit, at a hard difficulty and a weekly reset.

Go to bed before midnight: I struggle with this. A lot. However, I do need my sleep - when I don’t sleep at least seven hours, I’m unfocused, cranky and tired. Plus, it’s really bad for athletic recovery. Getting to bed before midnight at least ensures I’ll be getting seven hours (since I try to get up at 7:00), ideally I’d get eight or nine, but I’m trying to stay realistic here. I have this as a positive habit with a weekly reset and at a hard difficulty. I don’t see the point in making it a daily because I know I won’t do it (I could, however, maybe make “get to bed before 1:00 a daily, to get brownie points for getting to bed even earlier than I needed to, I might yet do that).

EDIT: It’s been brought to my attention by the lovely @gold-n-mind that mobile doesn’t show the counter, something I didn’t really think of because I only use Habitica of my phone when I can’t avoid it but mostly use it on desktop. You can still set up everything how I mention it, but you will have to check the count on desktop, as of right now there doesn’t seem to be another way for mobile users. For potential mobile only users, this is what I’m referring to:

DAILIES

These, just like the habits, will be very personal. My dailies tend to change a lot because when I’m back home at my parent’s I don’t really need cleaning dailies for example. But here are some ideas nevertheless:

Get up within 15 minutes of waking up: I suck at this. I tend to waste away time in my bed, staying on my phone for 30 minutes before I even think about getting up. But a quick jumpstart to my day is extremely beneficial for my productivity, so I’m trying to work on it. This is due every day since lounging about in bed makes me tired and cranky and consumes time I could be using to eat breakfast while watching youtube.

Morning skincare/evening skincare: Pretty self-explanatory. Due every day.

Open window: Due every day. I try to always open my window before I start studying, as I don’t really leave it open over night and fresh air is obviously very helpful for da brain. Also, the cold air tends to help me wake up.

Make bed: I never used to do this. But then I read “Unfuck your habitat” and I saw the merit in starting your day on a positive, structured note while making your room seem more tidy. Also, these easy dailies give me something to check off before getting started on my harder to dos, which is a concept known as momentum. Due every day.

Do a 20/10 of cleaning somewhere: Another lesson from UFYH. It means you do 20 minutes of tidying somewhere, then take a 10 minute break. I have found I rarely really need more than 20 minutes, and you can easily integrate one 20/10 somewhere in your daily schedule. It’s not fun, but constantly chipping away at messes means you don’t have to do huge binge-cleans. Due every day, but usually not needed every day.

Take out trash if needed: Tasks like these (this one is exemplary because I have a lot of these when I’m in my apartment during the semester) are great because they get you check if you have to do something every day and if they’re due, you do them right away since you’re already there checking! If they’re not due, you can easily check something off your dailies without actually doing work. Of course, the difficulty setting on these is usually trivial, but taking out the trash is a very trivial task, you just tend to put if off forever. Other ideas for this are put on laundry, check the mail, etc.

Week review/weekly planning: This is due every Sunday. I suck at following through and do need to get better at it, but actually looking at your week in advance and knowing what’s gonna happen when as well as getting into the mindset for Monday does help.

Study dailies: These will vary wildly depending on what kind of study system and schedule you have! I have a general study daily with a checklist that says “x pages” and “flashcards”. I also now have a separate flashcard daily with a checklist for every set of flashcards I’m trying to get done. Like I said, it will vary - for some of you having a daily with a certain goal of pomodoros may work (I don’t really utilize the pomodoro method a lot, though), some of you just need a push so “study for 30 minutes” may be enough to set you on a productive course. I change up my study dailies most frequently of all of them because they change a lot depending on what subject I’m focusing on, but most of the time I’ll only have them due during the week, sometimes also on Saturdays.

Go to class: I don’t really struggle with this because I literally cannot skip more often than once or they fail me, but why not reward yourself for leaving your comfy flat and braving the real world? These are also easy to set up because classes generally take place on a weekly basis, just set them as due on the weekday when the class is, and if you don’t struggle with going to class like me, you can always set the difficulty to trivial.

TO DOS

I won’t really go in depth on the to dos, because I feel like they’re pretty self-explanatory. I will explain a couple, but apart from that it’s pretty personal and whatever you have going on, just throw it on there.

Grocery list: This is the only more “unconventional” use I have for to dos. I like to make one to do that says “grocery shop” and then put everything I need as a separate sub-point. This works really well and I like to do it this way mainly so I don’t have my shit spread out over five list apps. The only drawback is that you can’t share that list with friends (unless you shell out €€ and get a group plan), so if you have a joint shopping list with a roommate, you might not be able to use this.

University readings: I like to make huge tasks of my required reading with tons of sub-points so that the reward is proportional to the pain (lol). The drawback to this method is that you don’t get the instant gratification of being able to check off a task at the end of the day, but I use dailies to work like this so my to dos are kind of a more long-term overview of where I want to be by what date. You can be as detailed with this as you want, but I just kind of use the big chapter headings. You could also divide it by pages, though. Whatever floats your boat.

#habitica #study #studyblr #studyspo #studyspiration #study inspiration #study inspo #lawblr #productivity #determinationandcaffeine

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not-poignant · 7 years

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Sorry if this has been asked before, but is writers block ever a problem for you? I have admired how prolific you are, and appreciate how you've discussed the negative aspects of writing too much. But what about when you've been staring at a blank document for what feels like years? Tell me there's a magical cure!

It is a problem for me, though I often don’t call it writer’s block (though sometimes I do, I’m fickle).

I’ve written about it in the past. This is probably the best post I’ve written about it. :D

Okay, but also yes, YES writer’s block is a problem for me. See:

- Taking two years to get started on The Ice Plague. Definitely insecurity related writer’s block.

- Taking a billion years to publish a book. See an absolute fear of failure.

- Me using the old technique of ‘I’m writing therefore you can’t see what I have writer’s block with’ (i.e. trading original works for fanfiction because it’s less pressure).

I can generally get words down. Most of the time. I’ve also had a solid writer’s block of years in the past - like literally years - where I wrote nothing. Nothing at all. But...I trained myself as a visual artist to work even when I didn’t feel like working, and as a result, I can also write when I don’t feel like writing. It’s a work ethic thing, and it means my job isn’t always fun (like all jobs), though I do think inspiration likes a willing partner, and is more likely to come if I just start and try something, than if I wait for inspiration to lead the dance.

So I’m very fortunate, because I know writers who can’t write like this. Idk why I can function this way. But then there’s things like yeah, I really did kind of spend ages hanging on The Ice Plague and staring at documents or blank pages, and feeling like...awash with terror and no movement happening.

As for how I solved that. I made myself sit down and write a line. I knew my writer’s block with The Ice Plague was - and still is - in part that I feel like no one will want to read it, and that it will be bad. I feel this in my bones. It’s a horrible feeling. I also had it with Game Theory and The Court of Five Thrones, but to a much lesser extent (god if I’d known that feeling could get worse), but it’s very bad now because I’m working with characters I don’t know anyone will ever love. Gwyn and Augus light a pretty bright torch. People might not want to look at candles after that, even if they’ll become torches later.

And so... I just... I told myself that 2017 was the year I had to start, and I needed a chapter by the end of February, and that all I had to do for the first two months was like, try writing a line. Or a paragraph. Or a snippet of dialogue.

I sort of jettisoned the idea of ‘completing a chapter’ like I normally do, and just...gently forged on. As a result, I’m five chapters in, and I’ve made the most progress I’ve made since I came up with the idea years ago.

I wish there was a magical cure! There’s not. Writer’s block is so uniquely personal to each of us, and everything from health and fatigue, to mental illness, to grave insecurities, to the story not being ‘right’ or us not being ready to write it yet, etc. can be behind it. It can be all or none of those things!

I think there are some things to remember:

- You can be nice to yourself or you can be good to yourself. Sometimes if you’re lucky, these are the same thing. But sometimes they’re not. For example:

Nice: I will treat myself to a thousand burgers (dis me)Good: I love burgers, but I want to be good to my body to be healthy so I’m going to eat some salad and lean meat. Nice & Good: Man I love spinach I’m so glad it’s good for me too. OR;Nice & Good: I’m going to have a burger today, I love them so much, but I’ll keep being disciplined in the day to day re: what I eat.

In writing, it can look like this:

Nice: I’m going to be gentle to myself and not work on this project until I’m feeling it more. (this can last a lifetime!)Good: Provided it won’t harm me in any way to do so, I’m going to cultivate some writing discipline and try writing a sentence of this thing I’m blanking on today. Nice & Good: Because this project intimidates me, I’m not going to look at it tomorrow or the next day, but today I have to write a line. And on X day, I will write a paragraph. And then I’ll rest some more with this idea.

- You need to learn how to write in a way that works for you, and sometimes overcoming writer’s block is a matter of turfing a lot of things you’ve learned - that you need to put down words regularly (you don’t), that you need to achieve a wordcount (you don’t), that you need to never rewrite (you don’t), that you can’t edit as you go (you can), that you need to write a lot at once (you don’t), that you need to ‘finish’ something when you start it (you don’t), that it has to be perfect (it doesn’t), that you need to be nice or good (you don’t, lol) etc.

Like it was very freeing for me to be like ‘okay, even if everyone hates The Ice Plague, I need to write this for me. It ties up a lot of loose ends in the universe, and Mosk and Eran’s stories are important to me and need to be told. If I don’t tell them now, their stories won’t fade. So I’m going to tell them.’ But I also have to remind myself of this all the time, because I also want to give the people who read Fae Tales something they want to read, and I am terrified of not delivering. Emotional journeys, am I right??

But still, that moment of ‘I’m doing this because of X’ - clarifying your motivations - can help a lot. It can help you to realise or remember why you wanted to write on that blank page in the first place.

- Sometimes writer’s block just lingers. Be honest with yourself about your mental state, do you have the energy to be writing right now? Are you too mentally fatigued? Is it not the right time to be cultivating writing discipline? That kind of stuff matters a ton. I regularly blast past my own limits and then crash, and I don’t recommend that to anyone. Sometimes writer’s block protects you from yourself. And you know, that’s a thing too.

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