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#future!dick
qcomicsy · 1 year
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Some Nice!future au headcannons because I want to keep the ideas fresh in my head.
- Bruce is retired, Wich is insane saying this, I know right? How could he? And that's my favorite part he is retired, except he isn't actually.
He generally stays in the comm and no he doesn't care if that bothers Terry. Sometimes Terry just purposely turns his comm off, part to piss Bruce off and part to not get himself pissed off because there's a limit on how much you want your dad minding your business while your doing your job.
So Bruce stays sometimes in the comm and sometimes giving his mostly unwanted inputs on his investigations.
He doesn't get out as Batman as much as he wants to, because yeah that would get him killed but when that ever stopped Bruce Wayne honstly? And also because when he did it he almost gave everysingle one of the Bats a fucking heart attack.
Terry was so fucking confused because some goons and criminals kept telling him 'I though you were taller???' and he would get '????'
- Bruce minds everyone business as well is not just Terry, sometimes he just pop up in the other Bats comms and everyone is deeply annoyed about it, because how the fuck he keeps invading their own security system?
And it's even more infuriating because in the end of the day (most of the time) he is just extremely helpful.
Not even Oracle could keep him off her back.
- Tim is "technically" now the best detective in the world, except he isn't because Bruce isn't dead and Detective Chimps isn't either, but not many people know that.
- Gordon is happily retired thank you very much, and he can finally rest because Montoya filled for him as commissioner.
- Everything that might happen is her problem now.
- Harley is mostly retired she lives with Pamela in a farm and works as a super-people/part villains therapist from home-office.
- Harley and Pam got married.
- Jason visits Harley constantly, they bonded a lot in these past few years.
- Jason visits Harley much more often then he visits Bruce and Bruce is definitely not jealous about it even though Harley lives in literally nowhere and the Manor is right there–
- Bruce nags Jason, so much about it. He nags everyone about it. He sends a passive agressive "Alfred told me to tell you dinner is ready" message ever couple of weeks (he's lying).
Jason once told him "I really miss it when you were emotionally stunted" and Bruce just looked at him and quipped.
"You're the ones to told me to get therapy."
- Bruce doesn't actually go to therapy he gossips with Harley and they call that therapy.
Because Harley tricks him into sessions mid gossiping.
And it is in fact, better than nothing.
- Terry became Batman as an annoying 17 year old for the exasperation of every adult of the Batfamily.
- Damian and Tim we're the one's who trained him, Bruce unfortunately was hospitalized at the time (he's better now).
- Damian trained Terry in martial arts, combat and streets smart skill and Tim helped training him on how to proceed with the criminal forensics part.
- Duke and Steph kept an eye on Terry in his first months of patrol, Terry kept trying to get away from them to do whatever he wanted but Tim or Damian would always eventually catch up to him.
- That doesn't mean he stopped trying until he made all four of them age ten years of stress.
- They let him do it whatever he wanted eventually, but mostly because they knew he was ready.
- Steph just did on purpose.
- Damian rarely would actually join Terry (or any of them) on patrol because he prefers working in the shadows.
- The day Terry successfully tricked all the four of them into leaving him alone he almost had a heart attack because he immediately bumped into no one less then Nightwing and Redhood.
- Red Robin was the one to call them.
- Terry and Jason got along so quickly it's infuriating.
- Terry is a great Batman, he is skilled and witty which puts almost every criminal off rithm.
They hadn't got this that amount of stress ever since Dick's robin.
- Jason works as a literature professor in Gotham public school.
- Jason was Terry's teacher for a while.
- Terry hated it.
- Terry got to school with patrol bruises once and when Jason managed to get a hand on him he cussed him out for 45 minutes.
That's how he learned that Tim and Damian forgot to teach Terry how to hide them.
Then he cussed them out for 84 minutes holding Terry's shirt the same way you hold a wet cat.
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batbabydamian · 22 days
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reverse robins of my fav trio!
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panakina · 5 months
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The robins’ arrested development is fascinating to me on a meta level.
The first child sidekick of the golden age of comics, never meant to be a man, a child for forty years who fought and demanded the right to grow up.
The second robin is slain in his career’s infancy. An unaging symbol of lost innocence because innocence itself was no longer required. Who burst back out of his grave unwillingly, in a man’s body, dragged into adulthood all at once. A child killed twice over.
The third robin, who was comfortable in his place as a child as a sidekick, evicted because someone else needed that spot, only to be wedged back into the box. Not quite a man, but he can’t go back to being a boy either, stuck in the in between.
And the fifth robin, still a child. Destined to grow into an adult role that will never be vacated, and so cannot grow up.
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starry-songs-canvas · 1 month
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Saving the Spare
I was reading a couple time travel batfam fics and had this cool idea. Hope ya’ll enjoy!
————————————————————
Thrown back in time before Damian joined the Wayne’s, he tried to make the most of it. Now Damian’s backstory was incredibly messed up, but this…
“Talia’s started cloning Damian already?!?!?”
The clone with blue eyes looked back in confusion, shock, and anger,
“I am not Damian’s clone, I am the other half of the Demon Twins, you— you— fruitcake!”
Oh.
Oh.
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flamingpudding · 6 months
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Message to the past
Was one nice family dinner in the Wayne Family really possible? Jason was starting to think it wasn't. The evening started out so well, for once he did not have any sort of beef with Bruce for the moment. He got to spend time with Alfred preparing the dinner. Neither Demon Brat nor Pretender were at each other's throats because of a case yet and there was no argument about to happen with Dickie either and he didn't feel like avoiding Bruce. Did he mention he didn't feel like leaving the Manor at the first sight of his old man?
Everything felt like it was gearing up to be a nice and well deserved family dinner with all his siblings being in one space for once.
That was until a Lazarus Green portal opened and a fucking silver green tin can smack dab hit him square in the face. Causing him to fall backwards in his chair and hitting his head painfully on the floor. Why didn't they have carpet in the dinner room again? Oh right, someone -one of his siblings- got mud all over it after patrol and Alfred decided the dinner room didn't need it anymore.
Once the first shock of what had just happened passed. They got to inspect the tin can and found a letter inside it.
Dear future Dad,
Gramps Clockwork spoilered that there is a mess up in the timeline because of the speedsters and I can fix it like this, which is why I am writing this. Please pick me up in the attached location marked on the map. My current self is in need of saving and I honestly would like to spare myself at least a little of the trauma that's about to happen.
Also please bring some explosives. You always regretted not blowing up a corupted govermental facility, so here is your chance of doing so! Be proud, though. I blew up a bunch of them in the future, with supervision, of course, from my uncles and aunts, so great grandpa wouldn't worry.
Please pick me up? Thanks if you do!
Your future adopted son.
PS: please ignore any complains my current self might have. I was in server need of a real parental figure and as you like to say as stubborn as grandpa.
PSS: also please stop antagonizing grandpa about my adoption. It's bad enough that you had to fight him over it in the first place.
PSSS: please bring great grandpa's cookies, I beg you please! I swear I will do all my schoolwork and be a straight A student if you do!
The girls of the family started to pout while the boys exchanged glances. Jason narrowed his eyes at his brothers. There was a silent argument happening and Bruce was watching them all also.
But if there was one thing Jason was sure about. It was that the tin can smacked him in the face. Which meant the letter was his and the time shenanigans arson kid with sass was going to be his kid. His brothers AND Bruce can fight him over that.
Like the kid has said in his letter.
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batcavescolony · 1 year
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With the rise in panels of Tim going all unhinged 'I could kill someone' here's this
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faeriekit · 1 month
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The Foster Mother
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Now on ao3 and VHS release
There was, supposedly, someone waiting for him in the green sitting room.
“…Why?” Tim asked. Most of the usual suspects had already come by to give their “condolences”—former Drakes Industries investors, curious about the newly orphaned heir; fellow socialites, once again flocking in to give and receive sympathies for their “close friends, the Drakes”; gawkers come to see what they could scavenge off of a dead family’s home, never mind that their child was alive.
“She claims to know you, Master Tim,” Alfred offered, kettle in his hand. He spent a moment deciding between different two canisters of tea; a sign of possibly difficult future conversation. “Her interest in your father's estate seemed quite…minimal.”
…Alright.
Tim was still in his formalwear. Dissolving Drake Industries would take at least another year, and plenty of future hours cementing the future home of certain resources in their dissolution, but the outfit probably was more appropriate for whatever oncoming conversation that was about to ensue than his planned change into Dick’s old hoodie and board shorts.
Okay. Tim steeled himself. The self-determination…mostly worked. Whatever. He trudged up into the green sitting room from the kitchen with his usual introduction ready on his tongue.
And then Tim walked into the room.
And then Jazzy was there.
*
Tim had been three, and Miss Jasmine had been his had been his third nanny. He’d outgrown the wetnurse early on, and his second nanny had been dismissed, so although Miss Jasmine was the third nanny, she was first nanny Tim could consciously remember.
She’d had red hair. She’d been very gentle with him.
She got him up in the morning and put him to bed at night; for the first time, there had been someone who sat with him until he was asleep, reading all sorts of books his parents had left to engage him with as an early genius. Then, when those were over and done as promised to his parents, they got unauthorized books from the library: silly books with made-up words, dinosaur books, books about teddy bears and adventures around the world.
Tim hadn’t been allowed to travel the world. Tim hadn’t been allowed a teddy bear. His parents had thought it would encourage undue attachment.
(It had been the same reason he’d never been given a pacifier.)
Miss Jazz had given him a knitted bunny. She’d said her dad had made it especially for him.
The toy’s name was Bunny and Tim remembered him being very soft.
She didn’t smile all the time, but smiles were rewards that were easy to earn. He finished his meal and she smiled. He finished an educational puzzle and she smiled. He was quiet all through her phone call and she smiled, and answered all his questions once she was done.
Jazzy had been the first person in his life who was there all the time. She’d kissed his forehead after the bath and kissed his scraped knees; she’d carried him in his arms when he was tired and sometimes even when he wasn’t. His parents had wanted him to be independent, proactive, and not clingy, but Jazzy had been someone who he could run to from his bed when he’d had nightmares and someone he could cuddle on her lap with when he’d cried.
She was gone when he was seven. He didn’t remember why. His parents had probably never told him, but still; he'd assumed he'd have found out why eventually.
Jazzy looked the same right now as she looked in Tim’s memories, although she was likely no longer a college student at a nannying gig. Her red hair was pulled into a high bun, her dress modest and conservative from her neck to her ankles. There was a backpack beside her foot. She was sitting, one leg crossed over the other, on the high-backed loveseat in the green sitting room.
She looked up when he came in.
Tim. Stopped in his tracks.
It didn’t matter. Jazzy—Miss Jasmine stood up as soon as she saw him, eyes alight with worry. Foggy memories were swimming to the forefront of Tim’s brain. He couldn’t move.
“Tim?” Ja—Miss Jasmine asked, teal eyes raking over his frame. Tim froze where he was. He didn’t move, wide-eyed and terrified for no reason at all when Miss Jasmine got closer to him, at a distance that was more appropriate for a conversation.
She stood there. Watching him. It felt like his mother had just come home from her trips with Dad, and a ghost of old terror wafted through him as he waited for her to decide he’d done something wrong. Her voice got softer. Her eyes got softer. Why was Tim feeling so wrong-footed?? It was only a former staff person!
“Tim?” her voice was so gentle. “I don’t know if you remember me. I’m—“
“M’s Jazz,” Tim croaked. Which. Wasn’t the level of formality he’d been going for, but better than Jazzy. He wasn’t a toddler anymore.
Miss Jasmine was so tall—honestly, was she taller than Bruce? She’d seemed insurmountable as a child; he hadn’t expected her height to truly be so statuesque as an adult.
(Or. Well. Almost an adult.)
She didn’t quite kneel down, but she did stoop lower, as if Tim was small and he needed to be on equal footing in order to have a serious conversation.
He could see all her freckles. Tim swallowed. It was too familiar. Everything about her was too familiar.
“You’re so big now,” Jazzy whispered, looking at his hair, his suit, his polished shoes. He didn’t feel it. “Oh, you’ve grown up so well.”
Thanks, Tim almost said. Something stopped him—something thick in his throat, to impassable to break through.
“I—“ he tried. He coughed. “Why…you… You’re here?”
Jazzy threw him an incredulous look, and then an incredibly wry one. “Well,” she drawled a little too primly, in the way that Alfred occasionally made obvious statements, “I’d think it obvious that when one’s parents have passed away, that those who care about you might come to check and see if you’re alright.”
Which. That didn’t make sense. Jazzy hadn’t come back for any other reason; she hadn’t come back for his mother’s funeral, nor when his father was injured publicly by a villain. Why start now?
“And,” Jazz added, seeing his visual confusion and distrust, “Your parents can’t exactly threaten me with a kidnapping charge for visiting you when they’re dead.” Pause. “Which I am sorry about. My condolences.”
Which. Whiplash. What a statement.
“Uh,” said Tim, who was rapidly losing control over the situation.
Jazzy stood again, and went back to her seat; she didn’t set herself down, though, as she only stooped to grab her backpack. “I am sorry for being unable to visit, although I really wanted to; you were at a very vulnerable age and had already moved into a class a year above you, and your parents should have been less hasty about replacing your main caretaker. The assassination attempts were unwarranted, but they did drive the point home that attempting contact was perhaps discouraged.”
“What,” said Tim. “Assassin what.”
“They were ninjas,” Jazzy offered, as if that was an answer. “Except the last one, which was a former marine. The point is that I do care about you, and wanted to ask if you had any idea where you’re going now that your parents are no longer…available guardians.”
Tim’s mouth opened. It closed.
Jazzy waited patiently.
“…How have you been?” Tim tried, resorting to a part of the script they hadn’t gone through yet.
Jazzy’s laugh was tired, but no less real. It was nothing like listening to his parents titter politely; he didn’t think Jazzy would even know how to fake a laugh. “Well, my brother told me that my former bosses had died, which was somewhat stressful. Otherwise, I’m pretty happy: I live with my brother and worked with him for the last few years. I was going to pursue medicine, but…well. The assassination attempts made it hard to interview for scholarships. I suppose that I could return to that now,” Jazzy mused, attention now elsewhere. She pulled the backpack off the floor and up into her grip. She opened it, and flipped through its contents. “How are you doing? I know that Wayne Manor fosters, but your parents were always rather…hands off. I thought the difference in levels of attention might be overwhelming.”
It was. Tim should be surprised how clearly she sees through him—
—But Jazzy used to watch him stim for almost a full hour after school, twisting Bunny’s arms back and forth until he could calm down. Seeing other people all day had been too much for him. Coming home from his parents’ parties had been similarly stressful.
She’d never been mad at him for it. She held him while he talked and stimmed and talked and talked and talked, and brushed his hair sometimes, or if it was very late and he was very young, helped him brush his teeth through all the medieval execution facts he could name.
“It is a lot to get used to,” Tim agreed quietly. He didn’t want to be ungrateful. He didn’t want to let on anyone about his plan to leave.
He had an out. The papers had already been filed; there was an actor waiting to play his uncle for a custody battle, ready for the fight.
Tim was ready to up and go. It was no hardship to leave all the good things here; anything beat making Bruce stick his fingers into Tim any deeper than they already were, compromising the dynamic they’d already established.
It was for the best.
“I can imagine,” Jazzy sympathized easily. “And I wanted to offer—well. I know there’s probably a lot of choices available to you, but my brother and I recently moved back to Gotham proper for the time being. He’s teaching astronomy courses at the university and I’m filing paperwork for Arkham patients. It’s not so privileged a home, but it’s quieter, and more central in town.”
…Tim’s heart skipped.
He. He couldn’t stop staring. Jazzy stared back at him, quiet and sure. Sure of what, Tim had no idea, but…
Why? Why would she want Tim? There was no way she would be able to get to his trust fund without his help, and he for sure knew better than to enable her ability to leech from him. The last time she’d known him, Tim had been a snot-nosed kid who cried all the time and couldn’t be normal for twenty consecutive minutes. His parents couldn’t even stand to be on the same hemisphere as him as a child. What appeal did this have for her?? What could having a teenager with severe baggage living in her house do for her?
And it’s not like there was any chance she knew he was Robin!
“Oh,” Jazzy suddenly interrupted. “I brought these for you, by the way. Your parents had tossed them out at various points; I’ve washed them since, of course.”
She handed him the backpack by the handle.
…Tim peeked inside.
On top was Bunny, still a washed-out faded sort of pink. He looked as fresh as he had the day when Tim’s parents had ”cleaned out” Tim’s nursery—in other words, a faded, a little gray, and slightly discolored from an old spaghetti stain. His button eyes were big and blue.
And beneath him were books that hadn’t passed his father’s muster as appropriately masculine reading material: The Velveteen Rabbit, with the cover a little scarred from a fierce attack of wet wipes. There’s A Monster at the End of This Book, with a goofy-looking Muppet on the cover, gold spine beat up beyond belief. Art Tim’s teacher at the time must have laminated and sent home; Tim’s dorky, crayon cat proved he would never make it as an artist, but attached to it was a photograph of a grinning boy with a bowl cut and a missing tooth.
Tim stared. There’d been purple marker on his hands and face. His grin looked…really bad, actually, like as if he was baring his teeth because he didn’t know how to smile. There was no formal grace there. Nothing to show the neighbors, nothing worth framing to put into the line of sight of the investors in the office.
Jazzy had kept it and brought it home with her. Jazzy had fished it out of the trash, and brought it with her to give back to him in Gotham.
It was crinkled like it’d been folded, over and over again. Further down in the bag was a crumpled certificate dedicated to “Timmy Drake, for: knowing a lot about octopi”, and a baby blanket Tim didn’t even remember. It had rocket ships on it. It looked as if someone had cut into it with scissors, although it had been obviously and brightly mended with red embroidery floss later on.
Jazzy had only been his nanny until Tim was seven. She had simply been gone one night, and Mom and Dad had been home for ten nights after without help before giving in and hiring Mrs. McIlvane and Mrs. Edith. Ms. Edith had never been so…permissive…with Tim as Jazzy had been.
Tim swallowed. He carefully put everything back into the backpack, unsure if he even wanted to keep it or not. It wasn’t like he could leave it here; he’d be gone, ideally, before the week was out. There was no point in taking it with him if he only planned to live with a stranger until he was eighteen.
“J…” Tim tried. He cut himself off before he could get too informal without prompting. “Miss Jasmine—“
“Just Jazz,” Jazzy corrected politely.
“—Why are you here?” Tim asked, ignoring how she’d technically already answered. He didn’t believe her. “What made my parents fire you?”
Jazzy’s expression turned…soft. Tim couldn’t look at her. Something horrible was welling with it, and he didn’t know how to cope.
“I’m here because I care about you,” Jazz repeated, and knelt beside him. She looked up into his face, and took his hand. Tim didn’t know why. He was practically an adult—he didn’t need this!
“And I was fired because your Mother overheard you calling me ‘Mommy’ on accident when you were tired. I suppose she was insulted, although I’d never know why; it’s not like she was ever home to bond with you in the first place.”
Tim’s throat closed. He missed his mom. He missed waiting up for his parents’ flight home, seeing their headlights outside the window, and knowing they’d bring home gifts from overseas. He missed using Mom’s perfume, and knowing he’d used more of the bottle sitting on her dressed than she ever had, but that it still smelled like her. He missed hearing his Dad telling all sorts of adventure stories and promises through the phone to be home for the holidays, even if Tim knew there was every chance he’d find some other way to spend the time back in Gotham.
And there was some small child in him who missed Jazzy, who hugged him and walked him to the library and made him soup from a can instead of fancy dinners and, who’d never needed to be waited for in the first place.
Tim looked at Jazzy’s round, freckled face.
He swallowed.
Tim moved out before the end of the week, as expected.
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ghost-bxrd · 2 months
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Prompt:
Dick is thrown back in time to a couple days before his past self is scheduled to leave on the mission to space, the one during which Jason will die.
Past Dick gets a very frantic and concerning phone call from someone claiming to be his future self, begging him not to go on the mission. And for some reason he‘s supposed to keep an eye on Jason? What the hell is that about? They’re not that close…
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detectiveforfree · 1 year
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huddle cuddle for warmth season ;)
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I'm obsessive over my Constantine Jr Au (which still needs a fic name for, I'm open to suggestions) because
this is a cranky danny. he's spent years fighting with no end in sight, with parents who he can't trust and his only companions never truly understanding what he's going through.
he vapes CBD for the pain he's constantly in. he drank alco/hol once to help him sleep, but his parents smelt it on his breath and, just like with their research, took that to believe EVERYTHING they'd ever suspected about danny to be true: that he drinks, he does dru/gs, he's in a gang. the only thing they've never suspected their son of--being a ghost--is the one thing he actually does.
then, right on the cusp of eighteen and freedom, he gets outed. AND transformed into a seven-year-old.
this is not a danny who is willing to play at being a child. and if anyone tries to, they're in for a foul time.
Danny was 17, transformed into a 7 year old and hides in Bludhaven, and is 8 when the police finally figure out that, hey, this weird kid who keeps altering us to crime scenes is usually right on the money about who the killer is, we should investigate that. Officer Grayson is on the case!
And discovers that he absolutely can't STAND this kid.
He thought he liked kids! Everyone thought he liked kids! but this kid...
This isn't called the Constantine Jr AU because Danny is a supernatural detective, or because Danny might be Constantine's kid. Its because Danny is an unrepentant little bas/tard and he makes it everyone's problem.
Danny vapes and blows bubblegum smoke in Grayson's face.
He takes out a flask and Grayson's grabs it, learning its full of orange juice. Danny then takes out a second flask, this one with vod/ka.
He wears a trenchcoat he found in the trash (the same trenchcoat Nightwing wears in DC vs Vampires, if you know you know) but the end and the sleeves are cut off for his hands and legs. the pockets are roughly around his knees.
Grayson is desperate to figure out more about this kid, but he doesn't go to batman because, time-line wise, this is right before red hood starts running around. Jason is dead/alive-in-hiding, Tim is Robin, and Dick is mad about it. (ages-- Bruce: ? Nightwing: 24 Jason: 19 Tim: 15 Danny: 8 Damien: 7-8)
he doesn't really bond with the kid until they're both kidnapped by a gang for hostages, and Danny's big kid emotions get a hold of him (he thought he could escape them bc he's an adult, he's gone through worse, but nope! child brain chemistry). Grayson is worried that he's hurt and in pain, but Danny confesses that he's always in pain. he has nerve damage all over his body, and the only thing he really trusts is CBD. He feels like shit for taking his juul away, but more importantly, because he's been treating Danny like a irritant and just a little kid.
they get rescued and Grayson tries to take him back to his home, but Danny reveals he's homeless, saying something like "I sleep where it suits me, just drop me off whereever."
Absolutely not, Grayson is taking kid back to his place for a bed, food, and a shower, in whatever order the kid wants.
Danny stays semi-perminantly at his apartment, but Nightwing tries not to push it, because this kid practically screams flight risk. unfortunately, the paparazzi have nothing better to do and snap a pick of Grayson and Danny getting dinner together, speculating that Dick's taken after Bruce
Danny doesn't care too much; I think his ghost form is the same, if glitchy, so his parents don't know about the deaging. Grayson is mildly panicking, but its not like he HASN'T been considering adopting the evil troglodyte. Even Bruce, Tim, and Alfred aren't the problem.
No, the problem is the Red Hood, a crime boss who just cut 8 people's heads off, seeing what looks like Nightwing pulling an innocent kid into the neverending fight against crime and Seeing Green.
Edit: Had to censor sh!t because ths wasn't showing up in the tags
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qcomicsy · 1 year
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About the nicetimeline!au I'm excited to hear about Dick in the future!
me too lol
okay. okay. I'm joking
I've been planning a lot around the Nicefuture!au. Given how I stopped posting as much as in the beginig.
It started as this cute joke I thought in the beginig, this very fun concept of "What if Damian and Tim was just ended up very fond of each other over the years in the future and present Tim had to confront that?" and "What if the future was just so fucking nice that if they ever had time traveling shenanigans everyone would just start losing their minds about it?".
But I've grew very fondly of it as I was writing it and I've also grew very fondly of Damian as I was writing it (who would even though?), so I've been putting much more though on it then I previously planned lmao. I'm still working on how the future presents itself and trying to make it justice for the characters in a way that makes me satisfied.
I'm going to be very honest with y'all. I'm a casual reader, I initiate and put on hold comic runs and generally just read what seems interesting to me at the moment. Nicefuture!Au it's a mix of what I've read from the cannon and what are the best outcomes I could imagine from each character in a way that just brings me the most amount of joy. I'm still working around the edges, and what would that it mean for each character, what does a nice future holds for them?
And the best part? I don't know any of it! It's a great and entertaining work in progress.
So yeah! I'm also very excited about what future!Dick is up to. What person he became? What does he do with his life? What shenanigans he got himself in? It's all very blur yet in my mind but I'm getting there.
Also I'm going to take this ask as an opportunity to give y'all little updates. As I said I've been planning around and making little projects in this mean time that might or might not see the light of the day, so it could get a little radio silence from there but not promises!, I've got a little ideas for Tim, Terry and Jason but the others might be given me a little of work (god there's so many people in this fucking family lololol it's stressing but in the best way possible).
But as soon as I get to conclusions that makes me satisfied I will be updating in my blog and bringing more shenanigans to y'all.
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catpriciousmarjara · 4 months
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DP x DC: Dick's Totally Normal Date?
Inspired by that one juju sanpo where Yuuji thought Megumi was being hit on and he, Nobara, and Gojo pull out their ridiculous Formation B to drive away the potential date. And I thought, 'this, but batfam, but veer wildly to the left, with DP'. So here you go.
Third floor study, Wayne Manor
"Thank you all coming on such short notice", Tim said, eyes serious, one hand on the pile of documents on the table.
His siblings nodded at him, faces grave, except for Duke who just looked confused.
"I'm sure all of you already know why this meeting was called-
"I don't actually know why we are here", Duke interrupted.
He was thoroughly ignored.
-and are just waiting for confirmation. But the wait is now over. I have here the results."
His siblings all leaned forward, except for Cass who was too chill for that, apprehension radiating through their frames. Though Duke was more confused than apprehensive.
Tim sighed. "It's true. Dick is dating."
Gasps ran through the group.
Tim dropped the bigger bomb. "And its not a redhead."
Jason cursed as he leaned back in his chair, face directed at the ceiling exasperatedly. Steph brought a fist down on the table, shaking her head. Cass simply placed an elbow on arm of her chair, chin supported by the back of her hand. Damian just scoffed.
Duke looked at all of them still trying to see what the issue was and why they were even here doing this. Tired of being out of the loop the young man decided to just go ahead and bite the bullet.
"Question!", he began,"Why is Dick dating someone a problem?"
They all stared at him.
Jason raised an eyebrow. "Dude, he dated a witch king that tried to make us all into creepy dolls just a year and a half ago. The bastard almost turned everyone in Gotham into literal hamster plushies when they broke up."
"His immediate rebound after that relationship was the alien that tried to hunt him for sport", Steph contributed helpfully.
Jason waved an arm towards her while looking Duke, as if asking him why he wasn't getting the point.
And Duke...really wasn't getting the point. In fact he seemed to be getting even more confused.
"Dick's a habitual monsterfucker, old news, so what? And it isn't as if every single one of you haven't had some kind of romantic relationship with non-humans before. Even Damian's dated Jon! Besides Heira did not turn us all into hamsters. That was a joke. Aaaand Ga-va'se is a great guy and he definitely wasn't a rebound. Also he and Dick broke up really amicably and they still meet up for boba and he gives us really cool alien shit so I don't know why you guys don't like him."
"Duke, Ga-va'se hunted us for sport", Tim said from the side.
"That was because we were in his hunting grounds! Plus he apologized for that!", Duke defended his alien buddy. The guy was really nice! What was their hang up with him? Sure he was a bit murderous but hey, Duke dared his siblings to find one person from each of their social circles who wasn't a bit murderous and insane. Sure he hunted them for the better part of five days in a terrifying alien jungle a galaxy away from home but that was honestly their fault for intruding on the hunting grounds of his people in the first place. Plus it was all a misunderstanding!
"I agree with Thomas", Damian said as he thumbed through the files Tim had distributed among them. Across from him Cass was doing the same thing, rapidly turning the pages. "Partially at least. The Yautja was a worthy candidate for Grayson's hand-
"You just like him because he got you that sword, Demon Spawn", Jason drawled in that assholish tone of his that never failed to incense Damian.
-Shut it Todd! Ahem. As I was saying Ga-va'se was worthy but Heira was an imbecile. Unfortunately there are more Heiras in Grayson's romantic history than Ga-va'ses so it would be prudent for all of us to remain vigilant", the youngest member of the Wayne family finished, closing the file decidedly. "Especially if his current choice isn't a redhead."
Duke had to ask. "Again whats up with the hair colour thing?"
Tim looked at Steph pointedly. "Officer Stephanie Brown please proceed with orientation."
A truly terrifying grin bloomed on Steph's face. She stood up from her chair and walked to the wall, pulling down a projector screen. A click of a button and it came alive, with what looked like an honest to god power-point presentation on Dick's dating life. Tim slid Duke an brochure of all things.
"Dick's choice of romantic partners can be classified into three categories", she began as if she was a lecturer. She was even wearing glasses. "Redheads, which everyone and their third aunt's weird dog knows about, morally ambiguous older men, and extremely dangerous non-humans. There are outliers of course, and overlaps, but generally he tends to keep his choices confined to these groups. Turn to page 3 please."
Duke dutifully turned to page 3, which looked like it contained profiles of the various people Dick's dated in the past. If it was any other family this would be a gross invasion of privacy.
"Exhibit A- Barbara Gordon, great taste, mostly downhill from here I'm afraid. Exhibit B-Slade Wilson aka The Terminator, no I'm not kidding, the entire thing is weird and toxic. And Exhibit C-the weird eldritch thing Dick dated two years ago who I'm pretty sure is Cthulhu's actual cousin who made us all taste colours for a week straight."
"Deathstroke?", Duke exclaimed, weirded out.
Jason raised an eyebrow. "Thats who bothered you? Not Cthulhu's cousin?"
Duke huffed. "Their name is Umh'uidrritl and I know where to draw the line."
Tim side-eyed him. "On a whiteboard with an old marker maybe."
"Hey!"
"Back to my very important power-point that no one else is going to interrupt-",Steph said as she glowered at them, "-mapping Dick's dating history shows us that the more volatile of his partners tend to cause trouble post-breakup. A deeper investigation would reveal that while his harem of redheads mainly just stir up delicious, juicy drama, hot tea and angst all around baby, bless their souls, his harem of morally ambiguous older men, and harem of extremely dangerous non-human entities tend to lean towards more destructive reactions. While the former is content with kidnapping and threatening and the assorted standard yandere meltdowns-
"Yandere?", Damian murmured.
Jason just snorted.
-the latter likes to cause damage on a larger scale". The blonde gestured with a flourish and a new slide popped up.
"Exhibit A- That time Gotham almost got gobbled up like a light snack by that space whale pet of the Ryagonian emperor. Exhibit B- That time a Fairy Queen tried to spirit Dick away and almost put the entire city into an enchanted coma, which was honestly kinda festive, I'd never been more well rested. Exhibit C- That entire thing with the tentacles that we are all better off without revisiting."
Everybody in the room blanched at that last one. Duke nodded his head at their reactions. The ink really was hard to get off of clothes.
The screen went dark and she pulled the cord at the bottom, the projector screen rolling up. The blonde turned to them with a smug and satisfied expression on her face.
"In conclusion, despite there being no biological connection between them, and the fact that romantic and sexual preferences are not genetically inherited, Dick has managed to acquire Bruce's proclivity for an interesting dating life, which we all did if we're being honest. Its just that while Bruce dates across the law, Dick dates across realms and his romantic entanglements often happen to be so above our pay grade that its ridiculous. Data has shown that redheads cause the least amount of property damage so whenever he dates non-redheads, we have to keep an eye on the tea-I mean an eye on the situation."
She sat back in her chair with a satisfied air. "Questions?"
"Yes", Tim said miserably. "Did you have to bring Bruce into this? Like ew."
"I had to, yeah!", Steph replied cheerily. "You stole my croissant alienfucker!"
"Excuse you the alien fucks me thank you very much!"
Jason almost gagged. "TMI Timbo TMI!"
Duke frantically gestured at Damian. "Damian's right here!"
The boy in question just looked supremely unimpressed. "I was raised by assassins Thomas."
"Where's Cass?", asked Steph, munching on a packet of chips she produced from somewhere.
"Left this clown fest to assist Pennyworth in drugging father so that he can actually rest."
"Ah", said the whole room. Each one individually resolving to go to Bruce's room and get blackmail pics later. Sibling solidarity at its finest.
"Back to the matter at hand", said Tim, "Dick dating a possibly dangerous entity even remotely around the time frame when the Joker turned up dead is a red flag. And that's why our secret society is meeting today."
"Okay one, you think Dick's new boyfriend offed Joker? Two, this is a secret society?", asked Duke, his earlier confusion now fully evolving into resignation.
"I already filled out your documentation."
"What?"
"Don't worry. Everything's in order."
"Thats not...you know what? Thanks Tim."
"You're welcome!"
Steph chortled at the entire exchange and almost choked on her chips. Karma.
Jason leaned back with his hands behind his head.
"You know, if this guy merked the clown, and has no evil plans or something...I'm all for him actually. Guy has my vote. If they get married I might even decide not to embarrass Dickie at the wedding", he said while Steph hacked up a lung in the background.
"Be that as it may Todd, we still need to monitor the situation. If this Daniel did have anything to do with the Joker's death, then he is a dangerous individual who could pose a threat to Grayson", remarked the young Robin, and then as an add-on, "...and Gotham."
Duke sighed. There really was no escaping this was there? "So what do we have on the guy?", he asked Tim.
"Page 4. Name-Daniel Nightingale, prefers to be called Dan. Father, Vladimir Masters. Mother, Daniella Nightingale. Sister, Danielle Nightingale. Brother and sister are apparently vacationing-
"In Gotham?!, Duke asked horrified.
-and Dan met Dick during a Halloween Party in Bludhaven-
"In Bludhaven?!", Steph asked appalled.
"Why was a supposedly vacationing wealthy European in Bludhaven for Halloween?", Jason asked with a frown.
"European?!", Damian asked scandalized.
-And they hit it right off. As of now, they have been dating for five months and the relationship looks to be going strong. While the records seem legitimate, something's off about them. Also the Joker turned up dead on Valentine's Day. So my verdict...sus."
There was a bout of thoughtful silence.
Then.
"Daniella, Daniel, and Danielle? What the fuck? What are they? Clones?" asked an incredulous Jason, aghast at the unoriginality.
Duke scrutinized the provided photos closely. "Whoa, this Master's guy's genes really stood no chance! They all really could be clones for real."
Steph whistled. "He ripped!"
They stared at her. She sipped her boba unrepentantly.
"What? I'm right! He ripped!"
She was indeed right. He was ripped.
Duke put the file down. "So what's the plan? Do we just follow him around till we find out what he is or something?"
"Okay so the next week Gotham's got a week long 'Joker is Dead' carnival planned-
"Another one?", Damian asked surprised.
"We deserve it", both Jason and Steph reply vehemently.
-and Dick said Dan's taking him to the fair every single day of the celebration. If everything goes according to plan, we can sneak our way into the organizers, stall owners, ride operators whatnot and do some tests to figure Daniel Nightingale out. And if he's normal trouble we prepare for the breakup meltdown. If he's a different sort of trouble we deal with it."
"We gotta be careful though". Steph obnoxiously slurped her boba. "Or else Dick will deal with us."
They all shuddered in fear. Dick Grayson could be a mean bitch when it came to revenge.
"We'll just have to execute it well. Thomas will be adequate for the job. The rest of you fools will just have to step up, especially you Drake", Damian said as he crossed his arms across his chest, nose up imperiously.
The two robins, red and regular, sneered at each other.
Jason 'hmpfed'. "Sounds good enough. If that's it I'm gonna go. I got shit to do". He stood up from his chair and stretched, a symphony of cracking sounds coming from his spine. "Shit I'm old."
"You're just gonna re-watch Pride and Prejudice 2005 again". Tim also stood up, even more concerning popping sounds coming from his spine.
"Damn right I am", said the crime lord as he ambled out of the room.
Steph also got out of her chair and started collecting her trash, Alfred would kill he if she didn't. "I'm all in on this plan Timtam! Clown's dead, Gotham's finally calmed down, I went to bed early...No way I'm letting some ripped Adonis mess with my peace and quiet no matter how mouthwateringly swole he is! And he is swole!" With that she also swept out of the room.
"I'll update Cass!", she shouted from the corridor.
Damian had already disappeared. This left Tim and Duke alone in the room. When Tim also made to leave, Duke finally managed to break through the disbelieving fugue this entire meeting had pulled him under.
"So where's the plan Tim?"
"Oh", said the sleep deprived vigilante, already halfway out the door, "I emailed it you already."
And then there was one.
Duke just stood there processing that last sentence for a long two minutes. He sighed.
"So this meeting could've been an email."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dick is rather adventurous in his dating life. Helen of Troy vibes.
The entire operation reveals nothing suspicious. According to all the tests known to man and bat kind, Daniel 'I prefer Dan' Nightingale is a completely normal member of the Homo sapiens species. Not even a metagene. Just generously swole.
Duke being half immortal doesn't really get his siblings' reservations against some of Dick's exes. He doesn't realize that beings like Umh'uidrritl, who was not Cthulhu's cousin but a distant relative by the way, give most people incomprehensible nightmares. He on the other hand thought that Umh'uidrritl and his pet colossal hydrothermal squid were perfectly lovely. Though he and Damian high-key root for their Yautja friend.
There is absolutely no romantic relationship between Vlad and Danny. Dan and Danielle are just little shits who just love the horrified expression that overtakes Danny's face every time he sees their IDs for vacation time. To be clear its the Vlad part that horrifies him, he rocks as Daniella. Vlad, who is reformed here, is also horrified at this. Which is why the two little shits do it. Also the DP characters are all aged up. Could be by a few years, could be by millennia. They haven't deigned to reveal that to me.
Bruce spend the entire week under Alfred's careful supervision, getting rest and relaxation. He had spa days with Clark and Diana. He slept ten hours. He felt energetic in the morning. He hummed a cheerful tune. It was disgusting. He remained blissfully unaware of his eldest son's latest romantic adventure. Good for him.
Alfred thinks Ga-va'se was a splendid young man and that Umh'uidrritl was a lovely partner. He just wishes Master Dick would stop dragging in ruffians like that ill-mannered Heira every now and then. Truly a son of Master Bruce that one. What about that wonderful demon boy from a few years ago Master Dick? Mezarel was it? Oh he was sealed away, was he? Well bat your eyelashes at that man Constantine you and Master Bruce keep around and try to get that boy back will you? Such a well mannered young devil he was!
Alfred becomes that mother-in-law that never truly accepts Dan completely, still holding out hope for Mezarel to make a comeback. I've heard harems are wonderful this time of year Master Dick. A second husband would do you some good!
Dan finds this hilarious. His family does as well. Alfred also likes Dan. They have a weird understanding.
Cass likes most of Dick's exes. Except for Heira. Everybody hates Heira. Although Duke kinda likes him but even sunshine boy has his limits.
Yes the bat-siblings are doing this only for the safety of Gotham, not to also low-key annoy their big brother at all.
Yes Dan and Dick were aware of the hi-jinks.
Yes Cass did think they should just ask Dick.
Yes Dick is aware of who and what Dan is. He met him at a supernatural Samhain gala he literally stumbled into. He just rolled with it, celebrating the end of the harvest with the decidedly non-human revelers, and not only ate the food there but also drunk flirt with Dan.
Dan said, 'You're stupid. I like that in a human' and saved him from being stolen away by some very interested entities. It was the start of a beautiful relationship. Dani sometimes calls them the 'tits and ass duo' and she's right.
Danny is just happy that Dan found someone he loves and could keep up with him. He almost felt like a proud mother at their wedding and then had an existential crisis about it.
The family does find out Dan's real identity. It was after Dick accepted his proposal and it was hilarious. Jason meets Jazz at the wedding. He thinks he got infected with Dick's redhead fetish.
Yes this is all for my Dick/Dan propaganda. I hope you're not immune.
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adhdslugcrimes · 7 months
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Barry: so, need help with Robin? I might have a little fix for ya.
Bruce: at this point if it's sacrificing a virgin to make him a little less murder hungry I'd be sacrificing Clark as we speak, so go on.
Clark: hey!
Barry: I have a wonderful nephew, he's as sweet as can be and I think a good influence of my kid to yours will help with the stabbing.
Diana: or be a man and teach him the way of the sword so he can stop playing with little butter knives.
Bruce: he love the butter knife, he enjoys inflicting dull pain ... But we'll try your idea Flash.
Barry: wonderful!
Oliver: I have a teen if your nephew can fix that little gremlin.
One play date later
Wally and Dick: *being chaotic one braincells bestie, fast friends, partners in crime*
Barry: *watches them terrorize two face making him cry* huh, your kid a strong bad influence...
Bruce, sitting on the roof, knees up crying: there's two of them now!
Barry: maybe we can fix it! Add Roy and kaldur they should help this mess... I hope... Iris gonna be so mad at me making our kid a war criminal future husband.
Bruce: NO, they get married!? Oh what did I do to deserve this! *Cries harder*
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batmancurated · 10 months
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by dan mora
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I love how these two don't give a flying fuck about their own safety but when it's about the safety of their best friend? Their childhood buddy? Their good-time pal?? Their brother in arms?!
You better goddamn believe they'll take that seriously.
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Dick's all 'oh a bunch of assassins and mob bosses are after me and I'm injured but it's fine, I got this handled-' and Wally already has the man tucked into the pullout couch bed at his house before he's finished the sentence.
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Wally's all 'okay so I know that the future version of me is dead on the floor and I'm supposed to die after fighting a fire BUT I can't not help if there are people who need me, so I'll just fight this forest fire and-' Meanwhile Dick already has 60 tranq darts locked and loaded and the floor lined with anti gravity beams.
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mrgoosegraves · 6 months
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this is silly but I’m having fun
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