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beauty-and-passion · 3 years

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A (not so) brief post about my favourite Sanders Sides ships

It all started with this ask:

I just wanted to write a short answer, I swear. Just a short answer with a tiny little explanation about why I like these ships in particular.

But then I got a bit carried away, my explanations became longer and so here I am, writing a full post.

One small clarification before starting: ships don’t have a place in my analyses. If I talk about connections between Sides, these connections are always in terms of friendships, cooperation or familial relationships. The romantic aspect is something different and I may joke about it sometimes, but it’s just a joke.

There is a time and space for romantic relationships - and it looks like that time has come.

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Janus and Patton

I've always liked the canonical ship, in (almost) every fandom. So of course I like the canonical ship of this fandom as well :P

Jokes aside, this ship is incredibly mature, very interesting and terribly hard to talk about. The nature of these two characters, their roles and the episodes that had them involved proved how these two speak the same language, work in the same field and, ultimately, need each other.

* More similar that we think

If we look at them on a superficial level, Janus and Patton are completely opposites: one is cynical and cold, the other is a ball of sunshine. One is dark and suave, the other is goofy and bright. Janus' moral is "step on others and only care about yourself", Patton's moral is "help others because they are more important than you".

These differences became clearer over time, the more we learned about Janus and compared him with Patton. However, along these differences, some similarities started to emerge. Some qualities.

Janus and Patton want what's good for Thomas. They are humble enough to recognize their mistakes (the latest example was POF). They have a strong empathy. They’re kind. They’re mature adults (even if Patton doesn’t show it too often). And they both love and use puns.

But that’s not all. Along with these qualities, we found out that these two have similar flaws: they are both liars. They are incredibly persuasive to the point of manipulation. They have a huge influence over the mind (and the other Sides). They both deal with denial.

And this isn't just important, but it's a fundamental point for their character growth. Why? Because if they have similar flaws, if they are both liars and manipulators, then they cannot deceive each other.

And this is HUGE, especially for Patton! By his own admission, Patton lied multiple times, especially about his feelings (the Nostalgia episodes) and his thoughts (the most recent wedding/callback saga).

He always got away with it, because he was lying to other Sides and Thomas. But what would the point be, to lie to the literal embodiment of lies? Janus already knows what of his words are lies and what not, so it would be absolutely useless to do it.

Therefore, if Patton cannot lie to Janus, he cannot pretend everything is alright when it's not or hide his thoughts on a certain topic. He cannot shift the attention somewhere else or let a conversation drop. That means Patton cannot avoid confrontation about his thoughts/feelings and oh boy if he really needs to talk about them - especially with someone mature like Janus.

And yes, having someone who is able to see past your lies means being a lot vulnerable... but also a lot freerer. With Janus, Patton won’t have to pretend to be the strongest one: he can allow himself to be weak and confused, because if he doesn’t have an answer or if the weight of decisions is too much to carry, he has Janus with whom he can share it.

* A foundation of mutual respect

This point has never been fully addressed, but it was very well implied by their words/behaviours since Janus’ first appearance.

The first proof we have is CLBG: after Deceit revealed himself and disappeared, all the Sides and Thomas went through various degrees of shock, frustration and anger. Patton, on the other hand, was the only one who showed a pretty calm demeanor.

He should've been the angriest, considering that Janus took HIS place and pretended to be HIM the whole time. And yet, not only Patton didn't show any resentment, but he didn't talk bad about Janus (even if he had all the reasons to) and he even justified the other Side’s actions to Thomas:

[Patton]: Kiddo, simply put, Deceit is an inner coach that acts with the one intention of self-preservation.

Patton could’ve said anything, to make Janus appear as the worst. And his words could've had a lot of influence on Thomas, considering they were coming from his heart.

However, Patton didn't say anything too bad about Janus - not even in the following episodes.

Then we reach POF: Patton's monologue about his morals went so dramatically bad, he turned into a giant frog with abs and Janus had to sweep in to save Thomas.

In that moment, he could've said ANYTHING to make Patton appear as the worst Side ever. He had his chance on a silver plate: Patton was wrong, he had been wrong the whole time, he was literally ready to fight Thomas.

And yet, Janus took Patton's defense:

[Deceit]: He didn't mislead you on purpose, Thomas. I don't think the little guy... or... the big frog is capable of that sort of thing.

In addition to that, let’s consider Janus' whole attitude towards Patton in SvS: he basically spent an entire episode trying to make Patton understand his point.

[Deceit]: You can defend him all you like... But you can't change the facts. Is Thomas an innocent little lamb? Let's let them be the judge of that.

Why did he insist so much on this? Why not tricking Patton like he did with Roman or ignoring him like he did with Logan?

Because Janus knows how important Patton's role is and his whole behaviour shows respect towards the other Side. Unlike the others, who tend to diminish/forget Patton’s importance, Janus never did and always tried to reach him in the most honest, difficult way: through dialogue and confrontation.

And when he failed, instead of disregarding Patton’s importance, he just kept trying again, until his message finally reached the other Side.

* The perfect working partner

POF proved Patton can't bear the weight of the decision-making process all by himself. He needs another Side who can help him and Janus perfectly fills this role.

But why Janus? Why not Logan? Logan is a very mature Side, he can deal with a lot of stress, he's extremely organized and knows a lot. Surely he can help Patton with the decision-making process, right?

Not exactly. For his own admission, morals and ethics are not Logan's area of expertise (as it should be: logic can’t be influenced by what’s considered “good” or “bad”: logic is neutral). Secondly, Logic isn't an emotional-driven Side: logic is way less affected by emotions than other Sides - especially compared to Patton, who is the embodiment of emotions.

What Patton needs is a mature Side with a grey mentality, humble enough to respect him/not diminish his role, from his same area of expertise and enough emotional-driven to connect with him on an emotional/empathetic level.

And Janus is the only one who fills all those points. Even the latter, as we saw in the last part of POF:

[Patton]: Janus... Do you think there's a limit... on how many times someone can say sorry... before you have to admit... that they're just bad for you? [Janus]: Oh, definitely not. I'd love for someone to ruin Thomas' entire life one apology at a time. [Patton]: Okay. [Janus]: (After seeing Patton's reaction)The reality is that... it depends.

Janus' answer changed, the moment he realized Patton didn't get his sarcasm, by switching from ironic to honest. This is the kind of emotional connection Patton needs, something that doesn’t require words, but a small gesture that says more than a thousand words (yes, I’m also talking about that gaze and the small nod in the end card).

If we add to all of that the detail that Janus can nullify Patton's excuses and see past his lies, we have the perfect partner to help him grow up.

But this cooperation isn’t just one-sided: Janus needs Patton just as much as Patton needs him.

Why? First of all, to have a seat at the table. After years hiding, Janus can finally talk to Thomas, introduce his cynical mentality, make Thomas a little more selfish and help him grow up.

Secondly, by cooperating with Patton, Janus will become a better Side: he will learn to compromise, to work together and, most importantly, to trust Patton. And this is a particularly important point because, as I said in my analysis of POF, Janus isn’t used to trust others and he doesn’t want them to see past his barriers. Working with Patton might be exactly what he needs to trust the other Sides and lower these barriers, even a tiny bit.

* The romantic possibility

Considering all of the above points, the idea that their cooperation could evolve into something romantic-driven isn't so strange. The elements are all here, there's nothing weird to add nor need to bend canon, in order to make the ship happen. Their mutual acceptance can easily become need, learning more about each other can easily evolve into desiring each other and friendship could grow into passion.

And, of course, let's not forget marriage. These two can only end up in marriage. I mean, one is a dad, the other is a mom witch, so they are a perfect match XD

My point is: this ship isn't just a “cute couple being cute”. It's about dialogues. Conversations about themselves, their different points of view, their morals, their cooperation, how to help Thomas and the other Sides. It's based on listening to each other, on knowing each other a little more every day. On being silly together, working and failing together, going down and getting up, because there is someone by your side to lend a helping hand.

This is what makes Janus and Patton the most realistic, mature couple. And that's probably why it's so hard to perfectly nail it.

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Logan and Remus

Here it is, the couple that blew up after one episode and was confirmed in the most recent Aside.

But seriously, these two have a huge potential - first as friends/working partners, then as romantic partners. Logan and Remus need each other and the reasons are pretty clear:

- Having an interlocutor

Remus is Unleashed Creativity, a volcano of ideas in constant need of new stimuli, no matter if they are considered good or bad. After all "good and bad are all made up nonsense", as he said.

Logan is a walking encyclopedia in search of someone who wants to listen to him. He's pure, undiluted knowledge because that's what logic should be. No morals about what's good and what's bad, no emotions, nothing but neutral knowledge.

Considering that, it’s pretty clear these two have to come into contact. But what would they gain?

Well, Remus would have the stimuli he desperately craves. And Logan?

Logan would gain an incredibly smart interlocutor. And I’m not saying it because I am biased towards Remus, but because the canonical episodes showed us how smart he is. In both DWIT and WTIT Remus proved to be a quick thinker, with a sharp intellect and an even sharper eye. He's silly and over the top, but he's not an idiot and he uses everything he has for his own creative needs, no matter how small it is.

Just imagine this cleverness applied to everything Logan might say to him. Remus wouldn’t be the only one to benefit from it, but the whole creative process and, ultimately, Thomas himself, who will have better, richer ideas.

- Gaining a place

At this moment in time (just after WTIT) Remus has not been fully accepted yet. He is tolerated and his presence is a nuisance, but he’s neither wanted, nor banished. He’s just here and he has no voice on any matter.

Also because no one wants to give him a chance to prove how useful and worthy he can be. Thomas barely tolerates him, Patton does his best to ignore him, Roman doesn’t even want to see him and Virgil would rather not have any of the Others present.

The only Core Side who accepts Remus’ presence and is willing to give him a chance is Logan. He spent the entire DWIT to explain why Remus is useful for Thomas and shouldn’t be ignored, while in WTIT, he said: "There will be a time and place for you" - thus implying that, one day, Remus will finally be able to show how worthy he can be.

This is exactly what Remus needs: a Core Side who doesn’t see him as a nuisance or a villain, but as a fundamental part of Thomas that can be helpful, in his own way. Someone willing to give him a seat at the table (at least in the future). And, most importantly, someone who is powerful enough to control him.

Remus is and will always be a force of nature. He will never rest or stop being chaotic. This is why he needs someone strong by his side, someone who can’t be overcomed by his dark thoughts and that can put him back on track if necessary. And Logan proved to be perfect for this role not once, but twice.

- Understanding on a deeper level

However this cooperation won’t be beneficial just for Remus. As I said before, Remus could be a clever interlocutor for Logan. And this cleverness isn’t just related to creativity, but also to emotional understanding.

The Core Sides have known Logan for almost thirty years and yet, they have no idea of the inner turmoil raging inside him. They keep ignoring and dismissing him, clearly thinking everything is fine.

It took Remus one single day to realize what Logan’s problem is, how deeply frustrated he is and how much he’s actually angry at Thomas. Less than 24 hours and Remus knows Logan better than his long time friends.

That’s exactly what Logan needs. Someone sharp enough to notice his behaviour, find out the root of the problem and make Logan face it, instead of dismissing it because who cares (yes, Roman, I am talking about you and your “You'll be fine, Rome didn't fall in a day.”)

- The romantic possibility

I think almost all the fandom agrees that these two would have a great sex life. After all, Remus is the embodiment of Thomas' sexual urges, so he would definitely go for a very physical relationship.

But having a good sex life implies a lot of other great things: good chemistry, no comunication issues, great stability and greater trust. And, even more important, the desire to try new things together. Logan and Remus are both very curious Sides, they both want to know new things and experience them: so their relationship would probably be based on discussing new ideas, testing them and finding out together if they are good or not.

And this doesn't apply to just the sexual aspect: even just the romantic aspect or the working aspect of their relationship could have these characteristics. Logan and Remus can motivate each other, learn from one another and find new things together. They are clever enough to stimulate each other's mind, curious enough to do stuff together to learn something new and honest enough to not withdraw their opinions on any matter.

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Roman and Virgil

I am just recently starting to warm up to this couple, so I will keep this part short.

Just as it was for the previous two couples, these two can work together because canon made them work. The first part of their whole relationship is already all canonically established: at first Roman saw Virgil as a villain, then he slowly realized he could be a friend. Now moving from friends to lovers isn’t so difficult.

^ No need to demonstrate

Roman needs someone like Virgil, because Virgil is on his same level. Sure, Virgil’s mentality is way more gray-ish, but he still has a lot to learn, just like Roman.

Having someone on his side, who is on his same level is a huge relief: with Virgil, Roman doesn't have to pretend, nor to show off, nor to be dashing and perfect all the time. He knows Virgil won't care less, so he can relax. And for someone who is used to working all the time, having a moment of quiet with someone who has zero espectations is exactly what Roman needs.

Same goes for Virgil: he knows Roman won't care if he's gloomy and dark, because Roman already saw that side of him and appreciates him anyway. So no need to pretend to be different. He can relax too. And, because of his anxious nature, relaxing is exactly what he also needs.

So if they both need to relax, that implies they also need time to do it. And without expectations, without feeling like the other “is better than me and I’m slowing him down”, they can really take all the time they need, to grow at their own pace.

^ Growing together

Virgil and Roman’s is not a one-sided relationship, in which one knows more than the other and helps the other reach his level: since they are on the same level, if one of them learns something new, then it’s a victory for them both, because the other will be motivated to do more/learn more as well.

This isn’t just something I think, but something we saw in canon. During AA-part 2, Roman clearly stated that Virgil “make us... better”, thus implying that Virgil acted as a motivator for him.

Then we had FWSA and here we saw this sentence applied the other way around: Roman was the motivator and, thanks to him, Virgil overcame his own anxiety to push Thomas towards Nico. The final result was a victory for them both: Roman got the romance he’s desperately craving, Virgil found out a new aspect of himself: his bravery.

^ The romantic possibility

These two are a walking “enemies to friends to lovers” trope, so I don’t think there’s anything else to add XD

Only that they would both be quite passionate. One is Thomas’ romantic side, the other is heavily influenced by emotions: if the good one takes Virgil, he would probably be a very passionate partner.

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Two couples I understand

Janus and Remus -> I understand the appeal of this one and it would kinda make sense, especially from Remus’ point of view. Remus has (probably) sexual fantasies about anything, so I wouldn't be too surprised if he has a whole collection of sexual fantasies about the Side who is closest to him.

But also, I see them too much like father and son/bestest friends to imagine them having a romantic relationship.

So my take is more like that: Remus has sexual fantasies about Janus, just like he has sexual fantasies about anyone. They are his way to show his affection, how much he cares about Janus and wants to protect him.

But Remus is Remus and he's prone to lose control. That's why, since he reached adolescence and started to develop the sexual aspect, Janus put clear limits that give Remus enough space to express his fantasies, but never past a certain point.

So Remus can be very touchy (because, well, he's Remus) and extremely physical in showing his affections, but never go below a certain point. He can talk in full details about all his sexual fantasies to Janus, but never try to sexually force him. He can try to seduce him or propose sexual things, but never pretend he will accept.

And so, over time, it became a sort of internal joke between them: Remus tells his fantasies at the breakfast table, while Janus rolls his eyes with a "very interesting", they have a laugh, they keep going with their day. Remus wants to cuddle, Janus will cuddle. Remus proposes sex, Janus will just laugh and give him a forehead kiss.

In other words, they are the kind of friends who you can find sprawled on a couch, one on top of the other and imagine they're a couple, while that's just how they read a book together.

Logan and Roman -> This couple isn’t bad at all and I really like the idea of these two having a sorta-romantic crush on each other. It can lead to a lot of poetic/romantic possibilities.

The only problem is: Logan is logic, therefore he would destroy all the romance with one sentence XD and the romantic, poetic scene evoked would turn into these two arguing like madmen.

So, well, maybe the hate-sex would be great, but they would definitely spend too much time arguing. Still, I am very curious about it, so I will keep searching for stuff about them.

#sanders sides ships #sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #moceit #intrulogical #prinxiety #and a sprinkle of #dukeceit #logince #I know I have pretty basic tastes #it takes me a lot to warm to a couple #I blame the fandom for making these so appealing #i couldn't help myself

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mollysolo · 3 years

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Something for you

Pairing: Clyde Logan X engineer!fem!Reader

Summary: You go to Clydes house to give him a special present you’ve been working on for a while.

Warnings: None :))

Word Count: 1.1k

a/n: lmaoo i’m spoiling y’all today

the gif below does not belong to me

Just before leaving your lab, you put a few final finishing touches on the new arm you had been making for your boyfriend, Clyde.

You had been working on this arm for the past three or so months now and it was finally finished and looked really good after all of that hard work.

You couldn’t wait to give it to him as you thought that he deserved a well made arm that he wouldn’t have to worry about removing unless it needed to be charged.

It was beautifully made out of metal and had comfortable as well as soft panels of faux leather on the inside.

You wanted Clyde to enjoy wearing it, you didn’t want wearing it to be like a chore for him.

And you made sure to check it’s liquid resistance pretty much every day as you didn’t want it to rust if Clyde accidentally spilled any kind of liquid under the sun on it.

It was perfect, well almost as perfect as him.

He was far more perfect than it if you being honest. But you’d never tell Clyde that because you knew he’d just get all shy and cute then deny it.

So, you held back on this type of compliment.

You softly set the arm in the passengers seat of your car and headed off to Clydes place.

Your heart was virtually beating out of your chest as you drove, you felt so nervous about giving such an important thing to him, you wished that he would like it when he saw it.

But you tried to keep calm and collected the best you possibly could at the moment.

Your fingers tapped against the steering wheel and your palms were sweaty as you took several deep breaths and continued to attempt to calm yourself down.

He’ll probably like it, right? You thought, still feeling incredibly nervous and on edge.

—————————————

You held the arm behind your back while you stood at his front door and knocked upon it with your dominant hand, mentally hoping that he was home right now.

It was a Sunday and he usually had the day off then so you assured yourself that he would most likely be home to see you as well as to receive his gift.

As he opened the door and saw you standing there, a giant grin appeared on his face. He was more than happy to see you, he was absolutely thrilled.

He couldn’t stop smiling even if he tried.

Even so, he could tell that you probably were in a rush as you still had your long white lab coat on. He wondered what you had been working on that had you in such a hurry.

With your hand that was still free, you rested it on his shoulder as you reached up to plant a quick kiss on his plump and soft lips.

“What ‘ya got there?” he said, pointing with his real hand to your own arm that you had hidden behind your back.

“I have a something for you, well a gift to be specific.” you said as you began to walk backwards into his house to avoid him seeing the arm before you wanted him to.

Clyde was still suspicious of this “gift”, but he followed you back into his house anyways, excited to see what you had for him.

You then led him over to his couch and held his fake hand in your own just seconds prior to you revealing what you had for him.

“I’ve been working on this for a few months now and I really hope that you like it.” you said, taking the arm out from behind you and handing it to him.

He looked down at it then back up at you with shock, tears welling up in his brown eyes.

He looked so happy.

“I love it darlin’. What does it do?” he said, scooting closer to you, feeling the need to touch you in some way.

“Here, I’ll put it on for you while I explain.” you said, slowly taking the arm from his hand.

“So, it does a lot of things, more than your old arm. It has rust resistance and it’s water proof, therefore you won’t have to worry if you accidentally spill something on it or if you forgot to take it off before you wash your hands. Y’know? It’s also electronic so you’ll have to charge it every night while you sleep.” you explained, faintly smiling as you talked.

“Wow, really?” he replied, his tears having gone away now.

“Yup and you’ll finally be able to move your fingers on this arm. Try it out.” you added as you finished putting the arm on him.

Your fingers lovingly brushed again his warm skin as you hesitantly slid the arm on and secured it into place. Clyde nodded with an understanding look in his eyes as you gingerly put it on.

Clyde then watched with amazement as the metal fingers moved just because of him.

He now felt even more excited, he’d actually be able to touch your face and body with both hands now.

He shifted this hand up to your cheek a few minutes later, letting new formed tears fall down his own cheeks as the hand took up the shape of your jaw.

“I can actually touch you now doll. This feels amazing.” he weakly said, still in disbelief.

“You can.” you said, reaching up to wipe his tears away.

He then grasped your hips in his hands and pulled you onto his lap to hold you tightly against his chest, this time with both hands.

You blindingly beamed and pressed a few kisses to his head as he shyly buried his face into your chest.

Clyde felt like he was dreaming, mostly because having someone like you in his life felt like a dream come true to him.

“How much did it cost to make?” he asked you, pulling away a little bit.

“Oh, that doesn’t matter Clyde. I just wanted to do something nice for you, the money doesn’t matter.” you said while you waved your hand in dismissal.

He nodded into you as he firmly held you in his arms and close to his body once more, sniffling as tears remained in his eyes.

“Thank you hun. I love you.” he said, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

“You’re welcome handsome. I love you too.” you replied, lightly giggling in his ear causing his stomach to do flips and butterflies to flutter around in there.

You began to speak again a few minutes later as you got up from his lap, “Come on, I’ll show you how to charge it and put it on by yourself.” you said, tugging on his real hand while you spoke.

“Okay.” he quietly said as he also stood up and went after you.

note: btw i am aware that clyde did get a similar sort of arm towards the end of the movie but i thought i’d still write this anyways lol

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wonder-womans-ex · 3 years

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The High Road

Chapter the First: In Which Logan Enters Into a Non-negotiable Negotiation

There is a man in Logan’s room.

For a moment, he stands there in the doorway, motionless, because that fact alone is a little difficult to come to terms with. There is a man in Logan’s room.

He’s not just in the room; he’s sitting cross-legged on the foot of Logan’s bed, picking at a loose thread on one of the blankets. Logan, still stunned, shuts the door behind him, and the man looks up abruptly at the sound.

He jumps to his feet, bowing and saying “Your Highness,” at the same time as Logan starts to fire questions at him. “How did you get in here?” he demands first, and, without waiting for a response, moves onto “Why are you here? Who are you?”

He doesn’t expect an answer, but he gets one—and what an answer it is.

“My name,” the man says with an air of great importance, “is Leo Knut.”

There’s a pause. “Never heard of you,” Logan tells him.

“Good.”

Another pause. Logan takes a step forward, then two, until he’s close enough to get a good look at the intruder. There’s a black bandana covering his mouth and nose, and another pulled over his hair, but a blond curl is still peeking out and falling over his forehead. A slit has been cut into one of his slender, pale eyebrows, and it takes Logan a few seconds to tear his gaze away, but he’s glad once he does. He meets Leo’s eyes, and he’ll be damned if they aren’t the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen.

He could get lost in those eyes—they’re a bright, sunny blue, speckled with glints of sapphire and shimmering aquamarine; they seem to glow in the same way a cloud does when it passes in front of the sun—and, indeed, he does. Reclaiming his senses takes a few moments, but it’s worth it for the energy that passes between them. He and Leo are a current, brighter even than the sun shining outside, and Logan starts to mourn the loss of that current the instant he forces himself to look away.

“You were wondering how I got in here?”

So, sure, it’s not the first time Logan has heard him speak, but it’s almost like it is. Before, he had only been able to hear Leo’s words, not his voice, but now it’s a completely different story. Leo’s accent washes over him, and it takes him a moment to place it—American, he realizes now, which means that the boy standing in front of him has roots buried halfway across the world—but once he has, he’s gone.

“I—I was, yeah,” he stammers, trying not to blush. Leo scrunches his eyebrows up, and then he turns and steps back to sit once more on the bed. One hand, fitted snugly into a fingerless black glove, pats the space next to him, and Logan sits, trying not to show how flustered he truly is. The wool blanket is rough against his palms, so he folds them into his lap. He imagines he must look like an idiot—a stuck-up idiot, for that matter—or some sort of damsel in distress, but it’s worth it if he gets to be just that much closer to Leo.

“Well,” begins Leo, earnestly meeting Logan’s eyes once more, “first I had to distract the guards. They’re good at their jobs, you know, especially the one by the west gate…”

The apparent problem with Leo, Logan reasons, is that there’s just so much of him. Not physically, no—in fact, he’s on the slighter side, muscular but with the leanness of someone who knows what it’s like to go for days at a time without proper food—but he’s overflowing with personality. Passionate is not a word Logan uses often, but it truly is the only word that comes to mind when he thinks about Leo Knut.

Well, not the only word. There are a few others, too, on the tip of his tongue: beautiful; vibrant; charming; the only thing ever envied by the sun itself, but passionate is the one that gives him the least pause; it’s the one that needs no modification or analysis. Leo is passion. Passion is Leo. To Logan, at least, it makes sense in a way very little ever has before. It can’t have been even a quarter hour since Leo entered his life, but already Logan knows he’ll never recover.

Leo’s voice is like honey. It’s like melted butter in a frying pan. It’s like dipping his toes into cold, clear water on a hot summer’s day. It’s like waking up in the morning to sunshine streaming through the gap in his curtains. It’s like laughing and crying all at once. Logan’s strong suit may not be description, but there is no world in which he could not write poetry about Leo Knut’s voice.

Logan has always fallen in love fast, and this is no exception.

“...that’s the brilliant part, see? The others think they’ve seen an intruder, so they shoot, and the one at the west gate runs off to see what all the commotion is. Now I’m free to get past his post, and—Logan? Are you listening?”

Logan starts. “How do you know my name?” he asks, somewhat stupidly.

“I don’t think there’s anyone from here to Prussia who doesn’t know your name, Lo.”

Despite all evidence to the contrary, Logan’s heart really does not melt inside at ‘Lo.’ Plenty of people call him that—his sisters do; most of his friends do; heck, even a few of the servants he’s known for a while.

But Leo is not plenty of people.

“Oh,” says Logan, “right.”

“‘Oh,’ he says, like he isn’t the heir to the fucking throne of France—”

“Shut up, Leo!” Logan protests playfully. At least, he tries to pass it off as playful—he’d be lying if he tried to tell himself he isn’t flirting. After all, there’s something truly intimate about using someone’s name in conversation when alone.

It rolls off his tongue right, too—out loud, it sounds like some sort of tree spirit, or a star in the night sky. For a moment, he even entertains the thought that perhaps Leo is a prince, too; he knows what it’s like to be royalty and can therefore understand Logan’s life in a way so few people can. But just as quickly, he lets himself acknowledge that Leo is no prince.

For Leo’s hands, when Logan reaches out towards them and takes them in his own, are rough and calloused. These are the hands of a woodworker, or of a hunter. They are not at all like Logan’s own soft, pale, occasionally-inkstained ones, and this alone is proof that he and Leo are and always will be worlds apart.

He knows why it matters to him, but he also knows why it shouldn’t—after all, there is no world in which he and Leo would ever be able to love each other, anyway. Not when the law and the people and everything else Logan was born to uphold are against it.

Leo smiles—or, at least, his eyes squint in the telltale way that means he’s smiling—but, even from what little Logan can see of his face, there’s something off about it. It’s halfway between awkwardness and confusion, and Logan isn’t sure there’s a word for exactly what it conveys. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t protest or resist when Leo gently pulls his hands out of Logan’s grasp—or maybe there’s another reason, too.

“You didn’t answer my other question,” he points out, simply to continue the conversation. He’s not entirely sure what he’d do if he doesn’t hear Leo’s voice again right now, and he doesn’t think he really wants to. “What are you doing here?”

Leo nods thoughtfully, eyes seeming to darken. His entire personality shifts. He no longer has happiness radiating from every inch of him; he no longer seems to emit warmth like he’s a fire. He becomes cooler and more poised and almost more vicious, but in a way that is, paradoxically, anything but angry. He’s still smiling, though, and Logan has no idea what to think of that. “I’m here to kidnap you.”

It takes Logan a second to register this. Once he does, however, his hands clench into fists and he’s immediately on the defensive. “What?” he asks, but it’s clear this is a how dare you ‘what’ and not a please repeat yourself; I think I misheard ‘what.’ “You—that’s illegal! You can’t just tell the prince of France you’re planning to kidnap him and expect him to let you get away with it!”

He’s blustering, and he knows it. “I could get you arrested, you know. Every guard on this floor will come running if I just so much as scream!”

It happens so fast he nearly misses it. One second, they’re sitting next to each other, a good two feet between them, and the next, Logan is flat on his back against the pillows, Leo pinning him down with one knee on either side of his torso and his left hand holding both of Logan’s wrists above his head. The other hand is pressing something sharp and cold into Logan’s neck, and he knows without having to look that it’s some sort of dagger. Leo’s bandana has slipped down, too, and his whole face is visible for the first time.

“You could,” Leo agrees, grinning to reveal a narrow gap between his front teeth and two perfect dimples, “but you’re not going to.”

wonderful characters by @lumosinlove

thanks to @heyitssmiller for beta reading :)

#the high road #o'knutzy #logan tremblay #leo knut #finn o'hara #prince logan of france #18th century au #but please don't judge me for the vastly inaccurate historical references #fanfiction #writing #my writing #sweater weather lumosinlove #coast to coast lumosinlove #lionfish #finnlo #lelo #bandit au #please ignore my really bad tagging skills

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averykedavra · 3 years

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what if I overanalyzed ATHD,,jkjk,,,unless?

hi yeah I know we’re riding the FWSA wave, but I was rereading the transcript of Are There Healthy Distractions? and I think we’re sleeping on some quality content (read: angst.) So I decided to break down one of my favorite parts in the episode--Virgil’s panic.

It’s pretty obvious that this episode isn’t just what it seems on the surface. The soft look Thomas gives Virgil when he says they’re “still friends” is proof of that. It’s all a layered metaphor for Virgil’s confession that he used to be a dark side, and that’s an interpretation I love, but I think there’s possibly something else there.

At its core, Are There Healthy Distractions? is about indecision. Well, not even that. It’s more regret--they’ve made their decision, and now they’re stuck with it. But they can’t help but wonder whether this was the right choice, or if it’ll only hurt them in the long run.

Virgil: Did I screw everything up?...Are we making the right decision here?

Remind you of anything?

It’s easy to forget since DWIT took place in the middle, but chronologically, it’s probably only been a few weeks since SvS in this episode. Thomas made his choice a few weeks ago. And everyone seems settled--until POF comes around--but stuff is still lingering. Look at this line from Roman:

Roman: Take it from Frozen's most inspirational song, "Fixer Upper". "People make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed. Throw a little love their way and you'll bring out their best."

Thomas dismisses this as “barely applicable” but, once again, Roman is actually more perceptive than he lets on. That’s not relevant to the problem on the surface, but it’s relevant to another problem--Virgil’s belief that he’s the bad guy. Everyone’s indecision about the wedding. And the growing suspicion that Thomas might really be a bad person.

This episode is about the aftermath of SvS, about bad choices you make and choices you make, and how Virgil is a lot less certain in his position than he lets on.

Virgil was the jury in SvS. Virgil condemned Thomas as “guilty,” despite not wanting to side with Janus, because he honestly believed Thomas was a selfish person. Then, in DWIT, he called Thomas’ morality into question again. It takes Logan a long time to talk Virgil down from the idea that Thomas having bad thoughts means there’s something wrong with him, and since Virgil wasn’t present in PoF, he wasn’t reassured like Roman. Virgil made a choice just like Roman did, and the repercussions of that are less severe, but still noticeable.

In Are There Healthy Distractions? those doubts come to the foreground. They aren’t dismissed so much as dealt with on a surface level, and it can be easy to overlook them, but these underlying themes are so interesting to me! Virgil has complicated feelings about Janus, Thomas, and himself, and nowhere is that better shown than in this episode.

Virgil: But what if he's telling the story wrong, and misrepresenting Thomas to everybody at the party? Everyone likes him! He could turn everyone against Thomas by painting him as some unsympathetic, judgmental jerk.

One of Virgil’s main threats in this episode is that Rico will talk badly about Thomas behind his back. He’s reassured by the others, and it makes sense that this is a fear he easily jumps to, given how important Thomas’ friends are to him. But if we dig a little bit deeper into this fear, it has echoes of another issue. It’s a fear that Rico will lie about Thomas and make everyone hate him.

Again, remind you of anything?

This line especially made me think of SvS, because it’s almost exactly what Janus did! Janus used his manipulation of Roman and the others--“everyone likes him,” Virgil says bitterly--to turn them all against Thomas and paint him in a negative light. “Everybody at the party” bought it, of course, even though “if our combative compatriot were to slanderously misrepresent Thomas to that extent, then maybe that's not a friendship Thomas should try to hold on to.”

Virgil is afraid that Thomas will lose his friends. What’s more, he’s afraid that Thomas will lose them over being a bad person--or having everyone believe they’re a bad person. And it’s clear that, for Virgil, those two things are inextricably linked.

Virgil: Maybe you were in the wrong. Maybe you were an unsympathetic judgmental jerk!

Look at how quickly he makes that progression. Look at how fast he believes the imaginary lies other people have told. Rico says Thomas is a bad person, everyone thinks Thomas is a bad person, therefore Thomas is a bad person. Majority rule, after all, and how can Virgil be an unbiased judge of Thomas? You only see things from your own perspective. Virgil doesn’t know if Thomas is a good person, so he’s relying on what he often does--a warped version of what other people think.

Virgil: Maybe not...if he lied on purpose. But you only see things from your perspective. And your perspective is your eyeballs looking out, away from you! And that makes it a lot harder to see your own flaws or where you went wrong.

That’s true! It’s also, in this case, harmful. Taken to the extreme that Virgil’s taking it, it’s almost championing that Thomas never rely on his own perspective, because it can’t be trusted. If Rico thinks Thomas was a jerk, and Thomas doesn’t think so, Thomas is automatically wrong because Thomas is biased.

And SvS! Again! The entirety of that episode was saturated with this extremely harmful philosophy--that Thomas can’t possibly judge for himself whether he’s a good person. Thomas buys into this, too, of course. I’m not saying one side pushed this agenda. It’s a combination of anxiety, self-doubt, and uncertainty that leads him to rely more on others than himself. He forces Patton to find him a path, Roman to give him a sentence, Janus to show him the truth. Thomas doesn’t take initiative in that episode, because he doesn’t trust himself fundamentally, and Virgil’s a large portion of where that distrust comes from.

It’s twisted selflessness, in a way, a natural progression of the way he views selfishness as evil. Selfishness isn’t only acting on your own needs, it’s understanding yourself, putting your opinion of yourself above everyone else’s. That’s a hard thing to do, and it can easily be taken too far, but it’s also important. So, so important. And Sanders Sides has made that clear.

Yet Thomas struggles with it. Thomas always outsources his problems to his Sides at first, almost as a reflex, never taking time to try and solve things himself. At the first sign of judgment, he crumbles. His Sides have talked him into trying to get a real job, dressing in a suit and tie and calling himself Mr. Sanders, drinking a blender filled with water, and going to a wedding because he’s a bad person otherwise. Thomas is, for lack of a better word, kind of a pushover in some ways. He doesn’t know how to stand firm and have faith in his own needs yet. He hasn’t mastered the word no.

And this doesn’t fully come from anxiety! One of the most interesting moments in Accepting Anxiety, for me, is when Virgil’s still absent and the others are trying to figure out what’s happening:

Thomas: Roman brought the clever nicknames to the table, I brought the oats and honey clusters to the table.

Roman: Put them down!

Thomas: Okay.

That’s Thomas with no anxiety. You’d think he’d be tougher, more likely to stand up for himself, but no. Roman says to put the food down. Thomas says okay immediately, almost as if he’s compelled, and puts it down.

For a second, that seems backwards. Wouldn’t anxiety make you more likely to listen to other people, in order for you to like them? And yes, in some circumstances, that’s the case. But anxiety, at its core, is about keeping you safe and happy. Virgil’s job is to protect Thomas. That extends to other people that are important to him, but in the end, Anxiety is a selfish trait.

Which, again, makes sense. “Light” sides and “Dark” sides are divided along many lines, but one is which are selfish and which are selfless. Thomas has been taught that selfish is a dirty word and selfless traits are the ones he needs to express. That’s why Janus, self-preservation, and Remus, wild creativity with no regards for others, have been locked up for so long.

That’s why it takes so long for Virgil to get accepted. Yes, Thomas needed to learn that Virgil could work with him. That was important. But it also took Virgil doing an act of selflessness--trying to essentially sacrifice himself for the betterment of Thomas and the group--for Thomas to truly accept him. Virgil had to prove he could fit in to Thomas’ selfless way of seeing the world, and when he did, Thomas welcomed him.

So Virgil, essentially, isn’t allowed to be selfish. He’s not really allowed to put Thomas first. And that’s so antithetical to who he is that it’s no wonder there’s been so much conflict. Virgil may have been accepted, but he also had to change in some ugly ways, ways that are going to harm both him and Thomas in the long run.

For instance, his relationship with Janus.

We have no idea what it is, or what their history is, but we can piece together that they have a fragmented past. They used to be allies or at least cordial, and now Virgil hates Janus’ guts. Understandable. Anxiety would hate lying, because of the potential societal consequences.

But Anxiety also sided with Deceit on an important question--and it wasn’t is Thomas a good person. It was the real question in SvS--does Thomas know himself as much as he thinks he does?

Janus and Virgil both said no. Janus in a long con to get Thomas’ attention, but Virgil out of a true belief in that. Virgil doesn’t trust Thomas, Virgil doesn’t trust himself, and Virgil is so ready to jump on a possible threat from within that he fails to think through the ramifications. He needs to protect Thomas. And sometimes that means pointing out flaws Thomas can’t see from his perspective.

That’s pure anxiety. Not working with Thomas to make him feel better, not finding ways to be selfless and prove he’s “good”, but siding with self-preservation as they prove Thomas isn’t inherently selfless.

Virgil has grown a lot since Accepting Anxiety, but in some ways, he’s grown in the wrong direction. He’s struggled to balance his scary, unhelpful past with his new self, and this is another representation of that. Virgil, in essence, doesn’t only fear that he’s the bad guy--he fears that maybe that’s all he’ll ever be.

Virgil has been here. He’s been the jerk, been the one everyone casts as the villain, and he’s hated it. Now Janus and Remus are back, plotting seeds of doubt in everyone’s heads, and for Virgil it feels like his acceptance is running out. What if they sabotage everything Virgil’s built? What if they, like Janus, make such a good case that Virgil’s forced to side with them? What if they say Virgil hasn’t changed?

What if Virgil hasn’t changed?

Virgil: Maybe you were in the wrong. Maybe you were an unsympathetic judgmental jerk!

The lack of faith Virgil has in his own experiences and needs is kind of heartbreaking. This is a guy terrified of public opinion, always on guard for attack or judgment, and that’s made him so attuned to disapproval he forgets to look for his own. He ducked out because everyone didn’t need him. He does his job but softens it, fights for Thomas but stays quiet, and is selfish until morality dictates he becomes selfless again.

(Maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, that’s the root of his issues with Patton. Patton says he has to be good to be accepted, has to be pure, has to be selfless and kind a hundred-percent of the time. Patton doesn’t mean to, of course, but it’s stifling to be treated that way, as if acceptance and love is conditional. Which echoes Roman’s arc in a heartbreaking way, but isn’t really the point of this post.)

Logan: He's trying not to be harsh so as not to be too distressing, but he is the source of your anxiety. This is odd. He is odd.

Once again, Logan calls it. Virgil is a living contradiction. He’s walking a tightrope and terrified of falling to either side. Indecision is Virgil’s modus operandi, making choices and regretting them, so is it any wonder he keeps Thomas worried after the party? Thomas made a choice, but was it the right choice, will it maintain the balance or send them careening over the side?

Thomas is going to the wedding, and now he’s upset, needing “something to look forward to.” Did Virgil do the right thing? Does he know what that even is?

Thomas thinks he did the right thing. Virgil should believe that’s enough. Virgil should trust Thomas more than anyone, because Thomas knows better. But Virgil’s antsy. Virgil’s worried. Virgil looks around at this picture-perfect movie night and is sure they’re burning a bridge.

Virgil: And sure maybe he wouldn't have gotten around some of the stuff you wanted to know about on his own, but things might have gone smoother if you just calmly asked later. And even though you had a right to feel angry, maybe you shouldn't have taken your anger out on him, because he's right--he is a different person now. And attacking a person for opinions that they don't have doesn't really do anybody any good.

This is a monologue where Virgil lets it all out, for a second, and spirals into a panic attack. This is a monologue where Virgil critiques Thomas in a kind but firm way, and if this wasn’t upsetting him so much, this would be a good critique! This is good, productive, helpful stuff! Virgil is trying so hard, but he’s panicking, and why is that?

Because he’s judging Thomas for how he handled SvS and DWIT.

Which Virgil hasn’t really outwardly done! With important stuff, Virgil gives Thomas the benefit of the doubt. Again, Virgil’s kind of afraid of speaking up. But here, it all comes rushing out, albeit under the guise of being about Rico. And it’s about Rico! And it’s about Janus, and it’s about Virgil, and it’s about Thomas and how Thomas made mistakes.

And even though you had a right to feel angry, maybe you shouldn't have taken your anger out on him, because he's right--he is a different person now.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I like reading this line in tandem with the “is that fair to him?” line in FWSA. It’s another line that isn’t necessarily about Janus. But, in a way, it could be.

Maybe you shouldn’t have made Janus the villain, Virgil’s saying. Maybe Janus isn’t good, but he’s changed, and he’s only trying to help. Thomas can’t blame Janus for all his problems. Thomas can’t attack Janus for a role he can’t help. Virgil’s sticking up for Janus here, in this very oblique way, and for once he acknowledges that Janus could be a different person now. Virgil is, after all. Janus might not be a force of righteousness, but he has opinions worth hearing.

Thomas made mistakes.

And so did Virgil.

Virgil: And attacking a person for opinions that they don't have doesn't really do anybody any good.

Virgil’s sat with the aftermath of SvS. And Virgil’s regretful. He sentenced Thomas guilty and now he has to deal with the guilt, and he’s wondering if Janus was right or not, if Virgil should have taken things this far.

Virgil is Anxiety. He sounds the alarm bells in case something happens. But what if he sounds the bell too early? He did in DWIT, and he learned that Thomas isn’t necessarily a bad person, and that he’s being too strict. If that applies to Remus, why not Janus? If that applies to “bad” thoughts, why not “bad” actions?

Is Thomas a bad person, and is Virgil bad for saying yes?

There’s a headcanon going around that might be confirmed later, based off the final scene of FWSA, that c!Thomas has ADHD. Whether or not that’s true, there’s this really interesting aspect of this that I want to quickly mention. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

Those who have a more painful reaction to rejection may be experiencing rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), characterized by extreme emotional sensitivity to being criticized or rejected (it can occur even when no rejection has taken place).

It can often go hand in hand with anxiety, which means it’s often misdiagnosed, but RSD is a separate thing. People who experience describe it as almost physical pain upon perceived rejection, feeling like a failure over small details. And I think it could explain a lot about Thomas’ relationship with the people in his life, his fear of their judgment, and how he blows small things out of proportion.

We know that anxiety isn’t the sole cause of Thomas’ issues with independence. Virgil is the opposite, actually--Virgil is the one pushing Thomas to protect himself. But Virgil’s become entangled--all of them have, really--in this idea that Thomas’ safety and well-being is less important than that of his friends. That Thomas’ opinion of himself is worth less than other people’s opinions of him.

That’s so incredibly harmful. That’s a symptom of something very bad going on, in both levels of anxiety and low self-esteem. Thomas is not only sacrificing time and opportunity for his friends, but his identity, molding himself to fit whatever they need. And every time he feels he’s failed, the rejection feels so painful that he begins to question whether he’ll ever succeed. If he’s meant for nothing more than this. If he is and always will be a bad person.

In PoF, they started to address this. But one agreement to do better won’t erase the long shadows of this kind of thinking, and it’s something Thomas and the others will have to work on in the future. Thomas has a possible-boyfriend now. And Thomas got that boyfriend by rejecting lying and being completely up-front, which is admirable, but again exemplifies his indecision. Thomas is lost in meaningless choices, and so is Virgil, who is so torn between staying at the party and leaving. He can stick it out and be approved, or he can play it safe and protect Thomas. So far, he’s found no in-between.

Virgil does so much for Thomas. And Thomas appreciates that, but I think in the future they should work to really work together, trusting themselves as much as they trust each other. True selfishness is trusting that you have the capability and right to make your own decisions. That you know what’s best for you. And that nobody can tell you otherwise.

Selflessness that hurts you, after all, ends up hurting everyone else in the end.

Virgil: If this is the foot we start out on...what's it gonna be like down the road? Will deceit continue to be the answer to all of your problems? Is that fair to him?

Thomas: No... No, he's better off without me.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides analysis #are there healthy distractions #averywrites #oof this turned out long but i had a lot of thoughts okay

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georgianadarcies · 3 years

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since you got excited i sent an ask this morning i thought i’d send another one haha i saw rogan stans talking about how because rory was feeling unhappy near the end of her relationship with jess that means it wasn’t a good fit or some shit like that and i’m like...... that’s rich coming from rogan stans. rory was unhappy SO many times during her relationship with logan it was like the running theme of their relationship lmao his stans are such hypocrites

That’s so nice of you to send this ask because you saw I was happy I got one omg 🥺 Thank you, anon! I love having excuses to talk about this show and hopefully it getting super long isn’t annoying or anything.

You’re so right, and it’s yet another example of Jess antis/Rogan stans misinterpreting the show and digging their heels in no matter what. I know media is subjective, and people are allowed to ship what they want, but I hate how (a) Logan is her Christopher, so obviously he is not written to be her soulmate or anything other than to play that role in her life and (b) they then go on to twist the rest of the show to serve their ship. Although that’s exactly what the season seven writers did, so they’re not unique in this.

Saying that Jess and Rory don’t fit is laughable at least, and using the end of their relationship as proof is just...incorrect? Like I won’t go into their inboxes and yell at them for it but they’re just wrong. Jess and Rory are a perfect example of right person, wrong time. We see how they make each others’ lives better and help each other grow, time and time again. They needed to meet when they did, and be together when they did, but at that point in time, they wouldn’t be able to last. Jess loved her more than anything, but he was troubled and angry and had a lot of baggage. And Rory had just gotten out of a relationship, and that abrupt change, while she loved Jess, was hard. Ultimately, she never really had time to mourn her relationship with Dean. Being with Jess then wasn’t a mistake at all, but they both went into that relationship with one foot on the grave. Their miscommunication was ultimately their downfall, not who they are as people.

Rory being “unhappy” at the end of the relationship was ultimately about Jess’ struggles to communicate. And that wasn’t up until the very end, anyway. They had their road blocks but they were happy. They were planning on staying together when she left for Yale (22.8 miles!!!) and they were happy. But when Jess flunked out, and their communication issues got the better of them, she was unhappy about that. It hurt both of them, and we see both of them unable to go to the other and communicate and work it out. They both had their own issues that factored into that, things they needed to get past by going on with their lives and growing and then finding each other again. That’s what I love about them - that they are always in each other’s lives, but it comes naturally, it’s never forced.

Meanwhile, rogan...you’re so right how hypocritical them saying that is. Are we forgetting how much Rory hurt throughout their relationship? I’m so tired of them talking about how it was her best relationship and it was the most mature and therefore they were superior. Like okay, they were adults when they dated, but that’s all that would make it “mature.” Of course it’s going to differ from a high school relationship (one that her mother strongly opposed as well, that also didn’t help). But Rory was unhappy a lot of the time, and just because they had good moments doesn’t get rid of that. To have those good moments, she essentially had to get over everything she was upset about. Literally every time they had a disagreement she always gave in and excused his behavior and blamed herself. At first he would try to convince her each time, but eventually she just started doing it naturally. She loved Logan, I won’t deny that, but it was unbalanced. She loved him, and wanted to be with him so much that she was willing to hurt herself to make it work. Meanwhile Logan just threw a tantrum and played the victim whenever he didn’t get what he wanted, even with her.

Rory was unhappy a LOT with Logan. Even before they were anything. He would toy with her and he implied he’d ask her out, let her expect it for days, purposefully lead her on and make a point of pausing and then not asking her out. And then when they were casually seeing each other, he ghosted her and made her think that he DIDN’T like her and that SHE did something wrong to make him not like her. And then when they were together, he yelled at her when she was realizing how unhappy she was not going to school and made all that about herself. He stormed out on her, cheated on her, didn’t tell her, then never took responsibility. He yelled until she gave in and took him back. And of course she didn’t forgive him!!! He cheated on her and never acknowledged how she felt or apologized. Her saying to Jess “I’m in love with him. Despite all the bad he’s done, I can’t help it, I’m in love with him” shows that she doesn’t want to love him. She loves Logan but it hurts her constantly and she doesn’t want to anymore. Her forgiving Logan out of guilt doesn’t make this untrue. And then all the shit he pulled in season seven...like I could just keep going. And I didn’t even mention him stringing her along in the revival and NEVER ENDING IT WITH HIS FIANCÉ even though he was a grown ass adult and could. She was hurting that whole time.

Them saying Jess and Rory don’t fit is so rich considering Rory and Logan had fundamental differences that make it so they don’t fit. And this shows up time and time again.

#ask #anonymous #anti logan huntzberger #anti rogan #gilmore girls #jess x rory #sorry this got so lengthy this topic just gets me very heated #saying jess and rory don’t fit is ridiculous like how much of canon do you have to ignore to say that #as if they aren’t the ones who support and encourage each other #as if she wasn’t the one who was the reason he wrote his book #or as if he wasn’t the reason she went back to school #or started writing her own book #like time and time again whether they were dating or friends or what #they just fit and they make each other better #they make each other want to be better #not because they feel like they’re not enough really but because they inspire the other #and make each other feel like they can be better and grow #meanwhile rory supports logan endlessly and he only supports her if it suits him #she supported him no matter his career choice but he would always try to get her to skip out on her work and shit like that #it’s so sad to me because rory does so much for logan and he’ll buy her things but he doesn’t really do the gestures that matter #or when he does they’re empty #he’ll say that he’ll plan his future based on what she decides and then proposes which essentially renders everything he said useless #because...he was expecting her to move across the country to california #where she wasn’t looking for jobs she wasn’t looking anywhere past chicago #ok so what he buys her a birkin bag and therefore they’re soulmates?#that’s not how it works

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lovelivingmydreams · 3 years

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A story by heroes and Villains

Season 2: Secrets revealed Logan Anker: Old wounds and worries

Master list book 1

The wounds of the past can hurt. Not just you but your surroundings. No wonder we keep those secret to protect them... or is it ourselves we are protecting mort that way?

Waiting until the end of patrol was torture.

Logan didn’t like talking about the past. At all. He had trouble talking about Hannah and Caleb in any capacity to Virgil, or Patton, or Thomas or even Picani. And the Collector… Logan wanted to forget about him. But he couldn’t. If he was honest, that man showed up in his nightmares to this day. And he likely would keep showing up until he was behind bars. Patton and Thomas did their best to comfort him. A gesture he appreciated even though it wasn’t very effective. Finally Prince arrived. The young hero took in the atmosphere in the room and was clearly annoyed. “Listen, I promise I was safe. But I could’ve been in the middle of talking someone out of making a bad decision at the time. You can’t just shout in my ear out of nowhere. That was dangerous and frankly, I expect you to be more levelheaded BS. Anny other night and Logan would have insisted Prince gave him a detailed debrief on what exactly was so important that he couldn’t even let them know he was okay. But today… “That isn’t what this is about Prince. Take a seat,” Thomas instructed. Giving Logan a moment more to collect his thoughts. “Ok…” Prince said as he sat down, Looking around confused. Logan took a last moment to calm himself before he started his story with an apology. “Prince. I must offer you my sincere apologies. I didn’t want to tell you this right away, and maybe I should have.” Had his decision really been about allowing Prince to live his dream before burdening him? Was withholding the truth for Prince’s benefit? Or his own? “You shouldn’t have gone out without knowing the risks… We talked a little about nemeses during your training.” Prince nodded. Clearly still confused. “Yeah, but I doubt I’ve done anything that warrants one yet. Those come later in a career unless…” Prince paused, frowning. “But you were a villain. Any nemeses you had would be heroes… Right?” Prince was a good student indeed. He’d realized that Logan was telling him he was about to inherit his mentor’s past. And he had a good point. A nemeses of Logan would be on the side of the heroes. “Technically, the collector isn’t my nemesis. At least not in the traditional sense,” he agreed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Ever since he stopped using his powers, high stress situations got him small headaches that got worse over time. “I’ll start from the beginning,” he said, thinking back to a time he’d erase from his life all together if he could. “I became a villain because I needed the money and fast. Plain and simple. Any legal means were insufficient, so I made a name for myself and eventually, when I said ‘give me 10.000 dollars or I destroy this building,’ people handed me the money because they knew I very easily could make good on my threats. I always picked an amount they could easily provide without harming the business or individual too much financially. One day I found myself running from the police force. I had misjudged the time it would take them to arrive,” he had gotten arrogant with success. “And I got helped by a stranger in a haphazardly put together disguise. When we lost them and caught our breath, he introduced himself as ‘the collector’. I fairly quickly understood him to be a fanboy of sorts. He was a big fan of my ‘work’, though he misunderstood the intention entirely. Not that I could get him to understand that.” Everything he said that didn’t fit Collector’s narrative was ignored or dismissed. “He thought I was taking the money as proof that I was superior or something like that. I didn’t listen too closely to his speech at the time. I was concerned with getting away. He said he wanted to help me. Gifted were still considered fairly new. Nowadays most people alive have lived most of their lives in a world with gifted.” The first super powered individuals had appeared around the time Logan was born. “But back then, most of the population still saw it as strange and there weren’t any real initiatives to help train the powers. So the gifted that were around often were untrained and had their powers act up without warning. Which could be quite destructive.” Logan recalled the park bench and every instance of loss of control after that, all the way up to a wine glass in a restaurant less than a year ago. He looked at his pupil to make sure he hadn’t lost his attention. The wide, attentive, green eyes and firm nod told him he still had an audience. “Anyway, the collector thought that people should respect and celebrate our existence. He compared the stigmas we faced to those of people of color, or the LGBTQ+ community, then still called the Gay or Queer community. He said it very nicely, it almost sounded reasonable, if you ignored the slight notes of supremacy. And if I had been trying to ‘stick it to the man’ as they say, I might have been tempted. But I just wanted…” to pay form my sisters treatment and my research for a cure. “I was selfish in my actions and therefore not interested in his big revolution, which turned out to be a good thing in some ways.” He didn’t want to even imagine the kind of person he’d be then. He wouldn’t have Patton that was for sure. And Virgil… No. He was glad Virgil was kept away from that madness. And he intended to keep it that way. “I told him I wasn’t interested in leading any resistance, thanked him for the assistance and left. Shortly after this, I encountered Manifestor for the first time. He blessed one of the people in the building with super speed.” Said gifted was now one of the heroes patrolling the city. He was actually one of the heroes who’s territory Prince shared. Thomas hadn’t gotten the hang of permanent and temporary power boosts yet at the time. It was always a game of chance. Thomas chuckled. “I remember. I was so pleased that it worked.” Pleased was one word for it. “You were insufferably delighted, even though I defeated your champion.” While he and StarBucker were amicable nowadays, at the time, Logan had been thoroughly annoyed at the inconvenience. But thinking back to Thomas’ triumphant smile he could not quite help his own amusement. “You did retreat though,” Thomas pointed out. “I stalled you long enough to make you give up that mark and head out. So it was a win for me.” Logan let out a sigh, he couldn’t argue with that, but they were getting of topic. “I saw the Collector a few more times after that, though I managed to avoid conversation. One day, during a stalemate with Manifestor, he asked me about him. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who’d been approached about his plans. He had actually advanced them. He was now not only collecting gifted, but also individuals worthy of a gift. Be it they joined him out of free will, or got persuaded through different means.” Blackmail, intimidation, manipulation. Those were the collector’s tools. “And he wanted me to ‘grant them that blessing’,” Thomas added uneasy. Logan patted his old friend on the back in support. A conversation with the collector had never been a fun experience for either of them. “Manifestor had enlisted the help of others to free some of his victims,” Logan continued. “The Collector claimed I was championing his cause. I assured Manifestor that I had no intention of assisting in his plans. That is about the time Manifestor started winning me over to redemption.” He thought back to those times with a bittersweet feeling. He’d been so excited by the idea. A nice place for him and Hannah to live. A good job that would let him take care of her and have her be proud of him. Things hadn’t gone quite how he’d wanted, but at the same time, one thing had gone better than he could ever have imagined. “Next time I spotted Collector, I told him in the plainest possible terms that I was not interested…” It should have been a firm ending to this story. Or so he had thought. That was naïve of him, he now knew that. Obsession and fanaticism don’t disappear just because one piece of that craziness did not cooperate. He’d been arrogant once again. Thinking too highly of himself. It took him a moment to continue. “He assured me I would be…” He suppressed a shiver as he recalled the polite, almost pleasant way he’d spoken. Sort of soothing. As if Logan had merely been a child afraid to go in the swimming pool and Collector was indulging him for the moment. “I haven’t seen him since, but that promise… I don’t know what exactly he has been up to in the past 14 years. But one can only imagine how someone like that matures... Or what he has planned for me when he finds me.” Or much more importantly, his loved ones. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, the Bullards who despite the current situation were still family to him, and Prince too if he was completely honest. There was no telling what Logan would do if any of them… Not now. “Prince, the collector will not consider you his enemy. But he is yours. Anyone who meets his criteria of ‘worthy’, is at risk. And he does not take no for an answer.” The words had barely settled in the room or Prince shot up panicked. “Phantom!” he exclaimed. “Phantom might be in danger! What if someone on the chief’s team passes on information to Him? Or what if he has connections to these crime organizations!? I’ve got to go out now and find him…” Prince was clearly about to head out again right away. Admirable, but not very prudent given the circumstances. “Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow you can try again. Even if you find him, you are not in the right state of mind to deliver this kind of news delicately.” Prince paused, clearly contemplating his words. Seeing, or feeling, an opening, Patton added his two cents. “You’ve done great today sport! You just go home and sleep on what you’ve learned. Tomorrow night there is another patrol and you might run into him then.” And to make the set complete, Thomas finished: “I’m glad you are so eager to meet this young hero Prince. Just know that there is no pressure. They’ve been evading unwanted contact for almost a year now. It is okay if you don’t find them right away. And we’ll give you the support you need.” Prince clearly did not like it but he conceded. “Can I ask a favor though? Can I bring him some of that dye and a modulator? I doubt he’ll have a very sophisticated disguise if he’s on his own. It could be a sign of comradery?” he explained awkwardly. Logan nodded. It made sense, and it wouldn’t take him long. He led Prince through a few doors to his lab. Once he got to his desk he put his family picture down. It was a digital picture frame that played an album of family pictures once the camera registered his face in front of the desk. Even if Prince didn’t look at it on purpose he might catch a glance of Virgil, Patton or him in passing. And Prince was a curious person. His territory included Logan’s new neighborhood, he might see Virgil on one of his runs while he was on patrol. Or see any of them in passing. For Prince’s safety and that of Logan’s family, he wouldn’t take risks. He handed Prince a black hairdye stick. Fitting for a gifted who relied on stealth. He picked up a dark purple modulator, the darkest color he had and plugged it in to program it. Prince clearly had an idea of how Phantom’s voice should sound. “Could you make it so it’s like, deepened by an octave and doubled? With an echo effect?” Logan nodded. It fit the moniker Phantom was given, that was for certain. “Thank you. This should help a lot,” Prince grinned as he took the modulator. “I shall be heading home now,” he bid before leaving the lab, followed by Logan who watched him get in the elevator to leave the facility. Logan let out a relieved sigh. “Come on. Let’s go home and see Virgil,” Patton said gently, knowing what Logan needed right now. Logan smiled gratefully and as they headed up, he handed Patton the keys. He didn’t feel clear of mind enough to handle driving tonight. He let Virgil know they were on their way so he would know to expect them. Otherwise he might think they were burglars.

When they got home they found Virgil on the couch with his headphones on. He looked up and smiled as he spotted them. “Welcome back. I gotta ask though. Who’s your fourth guy?” he asked playfully. Logan blinked confused. “What do you mean?” “For your poker nights,” Virgil joked. Patton giggled at Logan’s side, taking the lead. “No cardgames I’m afraid kiddo. We’ll tell you about the project once it’s finished. It’s all confidential for now I’m afraid,” he said. Virgil cocked his head and studied Patton for a moment, then he shrugged. “Okay, Keep your secrets,” he sighed as he stretched and got up. “Night Pat, night Lo,” he said casually as he headed to the door. Logan cringed a little at that. Lately his son, on occasion, used his surname. He was assured by Picani that this was in no way a reflection of Virgil’s affection for Logan as a father. He had no less than 3 fathers now. Him, Patton and an unknown biological father. To differentiate between the three he likely used surnames in his head. Which may slip out verbally on occasion. Even knowing that, it stung a little. “Goodnight Virgil, I love you,” Logan replied, trying not to show his inner discourse. Virgil paused in the door and looked back with a smile. “Love you to dad.” And just like that the tightening in his chest loosened. “Love you three kiddo!” Patton added. “Love ya Pat,” Virgil snickered before disappearing to his room. Logan kept staring at the door for a moment. Patton hugged him from the side. “What do you say I make us a nightcap before bed?” he suggested. Logan nodded. “That would be pleasant,” he told him.

The next morning, Logan woke up to hearing Virgil move about and singing to himself downstairs. That boy never sleeps in. He let out a yawn and stretched, feeling Patton curl into his chest. “Do you regret moving in with us yet?” he teased. “Never,” Patton muttered sleepily. “I smell bacon,” he hummed. “First awake makes breakfast in the weekend. It’s a tradition we have. He was ten the first time I found him trying to fix me breakfast in bed,” Logan recalled fondly. “He made a mess, but it was really sweet. He was following all my rules. He didn’t touch the knives or the stove without me there, which of course limited his options. I helped him make breakfast the that day. After that I made sure to lay some things ready for him on Friday and Saturday nights in case he tried again. Which he did.” “That is adorable,” Patton squealed with a kiss to Logan’s cheek. “Let’s see what our son has in store for us today,” Logan suggested as he got up. He waked to the closet to select some clothes for the day. He felt Patton’s eyes on his back and turned around. “Everything alright Patton?” Patton bit his lip. “It’s just… Our son. I really like the sound of that,” he explained. Logan nodded. “I do too.” Patton bit his lip. “I was thinking of maybe looking into… what it would take for me to adopt him? Make it official?” he suggested. Logan’s heart skipped a beat. Patton had mentioned adopting Virgil in a burst of emotion before. But it seemed like he meant it. He knew that it would mean the world to both him and Virgil to have Patton be an official part of their family. “That would be excellent Patton,” he told him sincerely. Patton’s face lit up at that. “Would you help me figure it out? I want to know what steps I have to take.” Logan walked back to the bed and sat himself next to Patton, taking hold of both his hands. “It would be my greatest pleasure,” he told him gently. Patton’s shoulders relaxed, his gaze still thoughtful, and then he let out a giggle. “May I inquire where your mind has taken you now?” Logan wondered fondly. “It’s just. Look at me being practical. You have rubbed off on me,” he scolded playfully. “Well if it helps, you have changed me too. For the better that is,” Logan assured him with a kiss to his forehead. “Now get downstairs before our breakfast gets cold.”

Breakfast was pleasant. Virgil rolled his eyes and teased them with how ‘cute’ they were being this morning. Logan responded by giving Patton an extra kiss to his cheek. And then Thomas picked Virgil up for their trip to the zoo. Logan and Patton distracted themselves by preparing classes for the next week, answering email and spending some quality time together. Logan had told Thomas that he could tell Virgil about his teenage years. If the topic of parents and siblings came up, he could mention what he knew. Logan knew that he was risking moving up his time table. But part of him hoped he’d be forced to tell Virgil everything tonight. He should have told him long ago. But he kept finding excuses to postpone. He had still not decided whether he’d talk about BrainStorm or not. “I’m home!” Virgil called all of a sudden. Logan glanced up from his book. Time had flown by. Patton was almost done with diner after which they had to leave for Prince’s next patrol. Logan was torn on that subject too. On one hand he knew the young hero wouldn’t need constant supervision for much longer. But on the other, he’d worry about Prince the whole evening if he didn’t personally keep an eye on him. “Dad!” Virgil grinned brightly as he gave him a hug. Effectively ending his inner turmoil. “Virgil? Not that I do not appreciate you seem excited to see me. But is there a particular reason?” he wondered. Virgil let go and stepped back. Logan absentmindedly took note of the fact that the height difference between them was almost gone. Would he outgrow him? Caleb had been a little taller than him. “Uncle Thomas told me about your teen years. I didn’t know you were on the debate team!” he grinned excitedly. Logan was a little flattered that this little bit of information seemed to mean so much to his son. “Well, yes. It was a bit of a hobby of mine, as well as an attempt to get better at socializing,” he confessed. Virgil’s eyes sparked at that. “You were a socially awkward nerd,” he chuckled. Logan frowned at that. “Hey, that’s a complement. I’m a socially awkward artsy kid. Sounds like I’m your son after all,” he chuckled happily. “Speaking off. Uncle Thomas told me you wrote poetry back in the day.” “Really?” Patton exclaimed from the kitchen. Logan was flushing bright red. “I… Experimenting with different forms of self-expression is a natural part of discovering one’s identity as a teenager. It was a phase. I would like to forget about it,” he said stiffly. “Aw, but poetry is so romantic,” Patton pouted. Logan made a mental note of that. Just because he didn’t write anymore didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy reading it from time to time. There was something soothing in the format and he knew of a few poems Patton may enjoy. As far as Virgil was concerned though, poetry was firmly in his past. “That’s too bad. I thought I could maybe make a project around your old work for art class,” Virgil said disappointedly. Oh, that was not fair. “I’ll see if I still have one of my old notebooks,” he allowed. “Just ask my consent before you pick one.” And before he knew it he was once again hugged tightly by his son. “Thanks dad. You won’t regret it. I promise.” Virgil’s excitement was worth any embarrassment that his pubescent ramblings may cause. During dinner Virgil told them about the trip to the zoo and the many sketches he’d made. He also informed them that his session with Picani had gone well. After dinner Virgil bid both of them goodnight in case he’d be asleep when they got back from the university. Patton was smiling the whole way there. “What is on your mind?” Logan wondered. “Did you ever write something for a crush?” Patton asked giddily. He had sort of expected this. “I… Didn’t really have a romantic interest in high school. Thomas was the only person my age I got close to. I was… Well you know what I was going through back then. Between my mother and school… All I had on romance was rather resentful or, once Hannah introduced Caleb to me, from the eye of an observer. Perhaps I can find one of the latter. It might be nice for Virgil to use something inspired by his parents as a base for whatever project he is working on,” he mused. “That sounds like a lovely idea,” Patton agreed.

Half an hour later, Logan was pacing the floor. Prince should’ve called in ten minutes ago. He might just be late, but… Then a beep announced that Prince’s communicator went active. Logan rushed to the comstation. “DreamPrince you are late. What is yours status?” Had he ran into trouble? Was he hiding? Or had he simply forgotten about his com until now? “I am currently debriefing Phantom. I’ll let you know when I’m done here. Tell chief I’ll stop by with a package,” he informed them swiftly. “Radio silence until further notice.” And just like that, the line went silent once again. “He has him…” Logan muttered. Almost in disbelieve. “Oh thank goodness,” Thomas breathed in relief. They’d all be worried about the child out on their own. But it seemed like they were quite a few steps ahead of Collector. An advantage they sorely needed.

Hero au

@cirishere @hestianerd1 @moonlightshow00 @naturallyunstablegamer @alias290 @meowthefluffy @frida0043 @angelic-cali @selenechris @theblackveilinreverse

#sanders sides #ts sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #heroau

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eleanorbloom · 4 years

Text

When You’re Ready Ch. 08

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.5k

Warning: Angst, cursing.

Summary: Bryce has decided to let go Eleanor because she’s in love with Ethan Ramsey. But a turn in her relationship with the attending might change Bryce’s plans.

A/N: To the people who still is reading this story, thank you! Things are going to get juicy from now on, so I hope you are all prepared! (And I hope things in the book get really juicy too. I’m still recovering from last week’s chapter omg. My heart will never be the same after what Ethan told to MC :( (And I don’t even want to think about Bryce. My babyyyyyyyyyyyyy is so precious!)

Well, well, well. Hope you enjoy today’s chapter!

Taglist @utterlyinevitable @shanzay44 @choicesficwriterscreations @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble @lahellacute @lucy-268 @aylamreads @binny1985 @romewritingshop

Let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist!

________

Chapter 8: Me cuesta tanto olvidarte.

Y aunque fui yo quien decidió que ya no más (And even though it was me who decided we were through)

Y no me canse de jurarte que no habrá segunda parte (And I didn't tire of swearing to you that there wouldn't be a second chance)

Me cuesta tanto olvidarte (It's so hard for me to forget you)

As much as he tried to avoid that moment, there he was, both feet on the grounds of Boston Logan International Airport. After two months in the Amazon, he was back at the place he wanted so much to escape, only to return with empty hands, with his personal mission failed.

His heart was feeling like there were never eight weeks since he left Boston, and was aching as much as the night they said goodbye. He had left for nothing. He wanted a reset, but he wasn't sure if that's what he got there.

Even if he tried every day to get her off his head, the most nonsensical things would remind him of her.

The sparkling eyes of the children seemed attached to the memories of her giving him the shiniest smiles he had ever seen.

The carefree nature of a young woman would remind him of her youthful spirit, a trait he had grown to appreciate since the moment he knew her, but that he had failed to preserve in the last months, due to his erratic attitude towards her.

And if there was nothing that reminded him of her during the day, there would always be a sparkle at the end of the day, just about to sleep, that would explode in his mind like a firework. Whether it be the feeling of her hands touching his face, his hair, his bare chest; or the feeling of her soft lips giving him life after a searing kiss.

Whether it be her amber eyes illuminating the darkness of his mind and waking him up to a trance of vivid memories and feelings of happiness and joy. Vivid memories of something that were long gone and that couldn’t be back; or her laugh invading his ears and making him jolt as if it was the painful hallucination of a schizophrenic mind, and swear she was just laughing by her side when the truth was they were thousands of miles away.

Some nights he would toss and turn in bed, wondering what would she be doing; if he had broken her more than he was aware; if what he had done was right; if all this was really about her or about his fears and the ablaze belief that he would never be worthy of her because he could never give her everything she deserved. Wondering if all this was always about the fact that since he was a child, he never felt worthy of love.

He honestly couldn’t know.

He didn’t know how to face a truth that had been carrying his whole adult life, and he wasn’t sure it was now the time to explore those feelings. It didn’t make sense now.

Some other nights he would lay remembering her, but the tiredness would be like morphine to his mind, sending him to sleep just as his head would touch the pillow. The memories of her wouldn’t haunt him like a ghost all night, the guilt wouldn’t eat him alive, there would only be a full night’s sleep, with physical recovery but with the same burden on his mind.

After three weeks, however, he had convinced himself that he had done the right thing. That she would eventually move on, that she would let him in the past and all this bad road would be over soon. But the hollowness somewhere inside him reminded him every time, that it wasn’t what he wanted, that he didn’t want it that way.

There was another way, but he was a coward.

Deep inside, he was hoping that the distance between them wouldn't make an effect like he intended to. He wanted it to fail. That her love was stronger than that. That that strongness was the proof he needed to push himself towards her, to fight for her, to hold her and never let her go again.

But then he would remember that all that he had been doing the last months, was for her, and only to protect her. That this self-sabotage would only damage her career. He couldn’t let that happen.

Ethan was having dinner at the ranch in the company of the owner, a Colombian elder woman who had spent her entire life receiving tourists that came to the rainforest from all places, and that had taught her the basics in various languages to communicate with them, English above all.

She had observed him for weeks. He noticed he was taciturn, thoughtful, that would never involve in small talk, so she had decided to respect his privacy and his love for silent meals. But he looked too troubled that night to ignore it.

“Are you in love, doctor?”—The woman asked, interrupting the dissection of his own thoughts.

“I beg your pardon?”—He replied, a bit startled for the intromission.

“I have lived long enough to know, by the look in your eyes, that you are in love. And that you would do anything to deny it, but it’s a stupid try, mi niño.”

He remained silent.

“I know you the yankees only care about work and money. You as a doctor are more human than others because you are here,”—She splayed her arms in the air, trying to sum up in a single gesture the greatness of the Amazon— “but for the same reason, you deprive yourself of the more important things in life as family and love.”

“Saving lives is the more important thing to me.”

“I know that. You have no family, no partner because your job goes first. But you are in love and I bet you are keeping the person you love away from you. Maybe that’s the reason why you are here, in the first place.”

“I didn’t know people in the Amazon were diviners.”

“We are not, but I have lived enough to see too many people coming here to forget, and that had failed.”

Ethan stared at her, thoughtful, not even sure if he would address her accusations.

“So, I am right?”

There was no point in denying. He would be gone in three weeks and then he wouldn’t see her again. He wasn’t risking anything.

“Yes, you are.”—He finally admitted.

“And Medicine has not taught you anything, doctor?”

“What do you mean?”

“You see life and death every day. You know the value of life and how easy it goes. Being a doctor is a tough job, but as someone who knows about the meaning of life and death more than any other person, you don’t seem to put into practice everything you have learned: To live and love ”

“It’s not that simple”

“It is simple. You have no idea how simple it is. I only hope you don’t learn it the hard way, when you lose your chance. I have seen it so many times, you wouldn’t believe me.”

The friendly silence joined the tabled again, leaving Ethan more pensive than before.

Maybe the elder woman was right, but Ethan was never a man of sentimentalism, of searching the meaning in things. He only wanted to seek the truth in life, how things were based only on facts. And the truth in this situation was that he had to stay away from Eleanor to protect her reputation and her career. There was no point in trying to find an alternative answer to that. The truth about them was absolute.

Still, he couldn’t stop thinking of her words.

Ethan force himself to come back to reality as entered in the baggage reclaim area of the airport. Once it was all collected, he took a cab to his apartment.

Once he was there, he took a shower, unpacked his luggage, and drop off his clothes from the trip at the laundry service on his way to the hospital.

The sun was already set when he met Naveen at his office.

“Ethan, my boy, I’m so happy you’re back safe”—He greeted giving him a hug that Ethan replied coyly.

“Good to see you, Naveen. How have you been?”

“Incredibly well, the weather has been so nice. And my position as Chief gives me more time to enjoy the sun, so I’m incredibly well with the amount of vitamin D I have absorbed these past weeks.”

“I can see it. You’re more joyful than usual.”

“Not just because of the sun, but because you’re back. I sincerely missed you, my friend”

Ethan nodded in a way that Naveen interpreted as he felt the same.

“How was Manaus, well, and the rainforest in general?”

Ethan updated him about his trip, describing the streets and highlights of the city in detail, and after that, he followed up with his labor with the WHO, and how things were when he left.

The origin of the epidemic had been found in a river that rises in Colombia and flows to the Amazon River, in the middle of Brazil. The Amazon River was the biggest in South America and its size was the reason it had caused nothing less than an outbreak just in a few weeks.

Just before Ethan left, the development of a vaccine had started, as a variant from the Malaria’s; therefore, in the next three months it was expected to be tested and by the end of the year, it was expected to be produced. He wasn’t sure if the WHO would call him for another Mission, but Naveen would be fully aware of that in case they would.

The hospital was quiet when both mentor and protégé left the office. They parted ways in the parking lot. Naveen, to go to his car, and Ethan, to walk down the street towards Donahue’s to say hi to Reggie.

He needed a drink to feel he was really back in Boston. At Edenbrook. But deep down, he wanted to go there because he hoped she would be at the bar. There was no way she wouldn’t be with her friends celebrating their last day as interns and welcoming the first day as second-year residents.

His pace was slower than usual for multiple reasons. First, because he wanted to enjoy the warm night Boston was welcoming him with; second, because he wasn’t going there to kill the tension of a day’s work, just to enjoy the night. And third, because some part of him was afraid of what he would find there. If she was there. If his face would betray him even if he had mastered the stoicism long before he met her.

“Don’t teaser her, Jackie! I still have nightmares about that Ethics Hearing!”—He heard just when he was about to turn to the entry. “If Eleanor had left Edenbrook, I don’t know what we’d done.”

He had no doubt that that sweet and soft voice belonged to Sienna Trihn.

“Stolen her spot in the diagnostics team?”

And that snarky retort was from Jackie Varma.

“Oh. My God”—The tiny resident said once her eyes caught him at the entry.—“He looks so different.”

She didn’t even lower her voice as she acknowledged him. And he didn’t care. As soon as he realized where Sienna and her friends were, his eyes couldn’t help but search for her eyes.

“What are you talkin-“—Eleanor turned and her mumbling stopped right away as their eyes met. Her confused amber eyes went stunned in an instant.

“Rookie”—Was all he could say to not let his feelings betray him. The sole sight of her was painful enough to try something else.

“It's good to have you back, Dr. Ramsey”—She murmured, her voice distant. Like she wasn’t even conscious of her words, like she wasn’t saying them, and an automat had taken hostage of her body.

Even though she knew he would be back tomorrow, it was clear she didn’t expect to see him tonight.

“Yeah… Good to be back”—He tried to remain serene, but for a second his eyes faltered on her with a torn expression.

He hesitated for a moment before keep walking towards the main bar.

***

She felt like someone was turning the volume up in her head. The chatting of her friends, the clinking glasses, the laugh of people, the cars passing by, the music on the jukebox inside. All was too fucking loud on her head.

The bubble that had alienated her from the outside had popped just the moment she met eyes with Ethan. Every sound was irritating to her. Every laugh, every word, every passing car. Her heart beating fast, her agitated breath. All the noises were multiplying.

Still, she didn’t even know how she found the strength to reply to him. It didn’t sound like her at all. It was like she was observing herself outside his body, the obvious first-hand and only witness of her own autoscopy.

“Relax”—Bryce said in a jokingly tone when Ethan was out of sight—Ramsey might not be my type, but damn, I felt things too.”

All her friends burst out in laughs, trying to alleviate the tension.

“No one can deny that the man's his appeal, and with that makeover, oof. Total heartbreaker”—Conceded Jackie.

But she was barely conscious of what their friends were saying. Just as he entered the bar, she felt disoriented. Lost. The volume in her head started to turn down, silencing her from the noises around her. Like the earth had stopped rotating and she was caught in the middle of her own thoughts.

She didn’t expect that. She had come to terms with the fact that she would see him tomorrow, at Edenbrook, but she absolutely wasn’t prepared to see him tonight. At the bar. She should have known.

Then, she heard her name somewhere. Somewhere very, very far. And after that, a warm caress in her back shook her out of her stupor.

“Elle, are you okay?”

She looked up. All her friends were trying to catch her attention, and Sienna was staring at her with her brows furrowed in concern.

“Ellie…”

“Yeah, sorry, guys, I think the beer went to my head.”

Eleanor felt a warm caress against her back again.

“Babe, are you okay? D’you need a moment?”—He whispered, leaning carefully towards her.

“No, no, I’ll be fine.”

Bryce didn’t look so convinced.

She looked at him in the eyes, knowing that it would ease her mind. She smiled. It had worked. But she knew she couldn’t spend her life being wrapped to Bryce to feel calm, that she couldn’t run to his arms every time she felt something for Ethan. She had to face the pain, the fear, she needed to confront him to really be over Ethan. She had to do it alone with all the pain it was involved in.

“I’m okay, really”—She reassured, his lips quirking a bit to resemble a smile.

He nodded.

She wanted to be okay, because the last thing she had on her mind, was to make a scene, just as the last time she saw Ethan. No, she had to grow up. The days where she would drown in sadness and ‘what ifs’ were over. She had to handle the situation like the adult she was.

But it wasn’t that easy. Even though she rejoined the conversation with her friends, after an hour she really felt the need to have a moment.

“Sienna, care to join me?”

“Of course, Ellie”—She replied getting up from the bench.

The walked carelessly towards the bar, Eleanor trying to ignore completely the presence of Ethan sitting on his usual spot.

“Are you okay?”—She asked once she closed the door behind her.

“I… I’ve been better.”—She confessed, leaning against the wall.—It’s just… I wasn’t expecting to see him today, tonight, here. I made my mind I would see him tomorrow. But well, that’s how things went.”

“It was so shocking, for all of us. Mostly because of that makeover. I swear I thought I was confusing him with another person”

“Like a extremely hot twin brother of him?”

“Kinda, yeah”

They both laughed.

“That’s torture. How can he appear here like that and expect me to stay away?”

“Eleanor…”

“Sienna, I’m teasing”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“But I am. And I can’t even think about doing something with Bryce here.”

Eleanor shook her head.

“Ah, poor Bryce. He’s all in the comforting mood but I know it hurts him.”

“Maybe, but he’s actually worried about you.”

“Why he has to be so selfless? I don’t deserve it.”—She protested —He has been an angel with me this whole time. And this stupid asshole appears, and I fell to the ground like a whiny stupid.”

“Ellie, he knows what he’s dealing with. And I know he’ll be wise enough to leave when his time is over. I just hope that doesn’t happen, and that he gets his happy ending with you.”

“You don’t think I want the same? I want it. But it doesn’t matter what I want when the person I’m in love with it’s not him.”

There was silence. Sienna looked at Eleanor. She was pissed off, but not defeated like before. That was progress.

“Okay. Let’s focus.—Sienna exclaimed with renewed energy, trying to comfort her friend—"The things are this way: You’re still not over Ethan, but if you want to, you will. And you’ll do it by stop having hopes. You’ll focus on the good. On Bryce. On the beautiful moments you two have had. And as long as Ethan doesn’t say ‘Eleanor, I love you, let’s be together’, your situation with him is the same as it was when he left. It’s done. Terminated. Over. Okay?”

“Okay, yes. Yes. Crystal clear.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise”—She replied as her pinky locked Sienna’s.

A few moments later they returned to the table. Jackie had brought a new round of beers. Eleanor took her seat next to Bryce, and without a moment’s hesitation, she brought her lips to his cheek and kissed him softly.

He stared at her a bit confused. That day, at the beach, they agreed to be more discreet with their relationship now that Ramsey was back. Somehow, she wouldn’t feel comfortable that he could know about them when nothing was settled, and she didn’t want to provoke a response in him by jealousy or make him doubt her feelings for him. That way, they would return to their habitual friendly interaction in public spaces, but their relationship remained the same. Therefore, that show of affection in public was against their agreement.

“What was that for?”

“You just deserve a kiss for being so cute with me.”

He smiled.

“In that case, I deserve more than a kiss on my cheek, don’t you think?”

She shook her head and brushed her lips into his.

“Better?”

“Much better”

They continued their chatting through the night until Reggie announced he was about to close. Eleanor and her friends collected their used jars and went to the bar to give them to Reggie. Ethan was still by the bar and apparently, he had no intention to leave soon.

“What? Last call doesn't apply to you?”—She asked, her words coming out of her mouth incautiously. Like nothing had happened. Like the two months they didn’t see each other never existed.

“Reggie and I go way back. We have an arrangement.”

“An arrangement?”—She snorted— “Is that what you call friendship?”

“I don’t have friends, but I wouldn’t mind you joining me if you were so inclined.”

“Say it. You want me to join you?”—She defied.

He stared at her seriously for a few seconds.

“I do.”

Eleanor turned to her friends

“I’ll stay for a while to check in about tomorrow with Dr. Ramsey.”

“Okay”—Sienna replied—"Just don’t stay out too late... Aurora's dropping off the rest of her stuff before work tomorrow.”

Eleanor nodded and her eyes directed to Bryce. He winked at her before turning to the door, but she could have sworn his smile fainted the very moment he turned.

“Well, we've got ourselves a brand new Ethan Ramsey.”—She stated, approaching him at the bar.—"You took the reset thing seriously.”

He gave him a painful look and scratched the back of his neck.

“Why don’t we move outside?”—He suggested, trying to diffuse his tension—"It'll be winter before we know it. Might as well enjoy the weather while we can.”

Ethan took a half-drunk bottle of nice scotch and head out to the empty beer garden, taking a seat beside a small fire pit.

“So… how have you been?”

“As good as it can be, given the circumstances there.”

“Yeah, I figure. I’m sure you went through a lot there.”

Ethan nodded. Thinking that he indeed went through a lot there, but maybe not the kind she had in mind.

“What about you?”—He inquired after a brief reflection.

“I’m doing great. Excited that intern year has finished. And tomorrow is my first day on the big leagues”

“Yeah. You start with the DT. Time has passed so fast”

“Certainly.”

Then, the silence made its presence. They stayed still to study each other subtly. Ethan couldn't decipher what, but there was something different in her that had nothing to do with the passing of time. It wasn’t the hair, her summerly outfit, or something physical. It was something in the way she was looking at him, in the way she was speaking, and even in her gestures, that made him realize she wasn't the same he had left eight weeks ago. There was something familiar about her manners, but he wasn't sure what it was.

And after an eternity of silence and endless questions inside his head, she finally spoke.

“Why you didn’t reply or call back… or said anything?”

All Ethan could think was if she was interested in asking that, it meant there was something still there. That maybe she still cared for him.

“Eleanor…”

“I had to ask Banerji to know me if you were okay. Don’t you think it isn’t unfair?”

“I know, he told me.”

“It was a fucking message, Ethan. Just ‘I’m okay’, just that, I wasn’t expecting a report. Just a fucking reply.”

“I know. I’m so…”

She raised her hand, stopping him midsentence.

“Please, don’t. If you were truly sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place. It was so simple.”

“I needed to walk away…”

“Yes, I know, but this has nothing to do with that. With your so-called self-control. Cause I don’t know how much self-control you can compromise by sending a couple of words. It’s not like you can lose it being thousands of miles away from me. But, of course, the fault is always mine for expecting some decency from you.”

“You were worried?”

“How can you ask something like that? Of course I was worried! Epidemics are unpredictable and much riskier to doctors.”

She shook her head.

“I really hoped our conversation would’ve made sense to you. But no. Nothing’s changed. You can’t even be a decent friend or colleague.”

He remained silent.

Eleanor took a sip of the scotch, and then breathed heavily with her eyes closed. After a few moments, she opened them with renewed energy.

“Well, no point in dwelling in the past. Let’s talk about tomorrow.”

Her words caught him by surprise. The way she just shook off of his mistake was new. He expected she would give him hell for at least fifteen minutes, but apparently she had more important things to discuss.

“Okay, what do you want to know”—He said, finally.

“What should I know?”

“Well, once the meeting with all the other residents is done, you have to go to the Diagnostics Team office, to join us for the daily meeting. We’ll be discussing a new case too. A few hours ago, the hospital informed me that we are receiving a patient from Manhattan Presbyterian, so that will be your first case as Fellow Member.”

“Excellent. Anything I need to know about the other members?”

“I leave it to you, so you don’t meet them biased from what I tell you”—There was some strange tint in his sight, something mischievous Eleanor couldn’t decipher.

“I think you’re being tricky with the answer.”

Ethan chuckled.

“I’m not. Tomorrow you’ll have your first impressions on the members. It’ll be fine.”

“I suppose”—She sounded tense.

“You’ll do it great, Rookie. You had an excellent performance in your first year, and you made a diagnosis neither your boss nor your boss’s boss couldn’t make, so, that’s quite impressive. You deserve the spot.”

“That’s because I learned from the best.”

And there it was again, the silent longing in their eyes. The intense looks, the pain, the restraint. The alternated gaze between lips and eyes. It seemed like the dynamics from past months were about repeat again. Eleanor succumbing to her feelings, asking for a chance, breaking their boundaries just to have one more kiss, and lose herself in the same old lie with the same old ending. And just like before, Ethan would fall too. As if eight weeks hadn’t passed. As if the time and distance hadn't done their part.

But things had changed. He had no idea how much things had changed.

Because after what it felt an eternity, she just smiled at him shyly and then looked away from him at slow-motion speed. Or that’s how Ethan saw things in his disappointed mind.

Then she took her glass, her hand almost imperceptibly shaky, and drank the remained scotch on it.

Ethan froze for a moment, completely surprised at her reaction, and then turned to the table, sipping his drink too. His mind still was wondering why it was being so easy for her to just look away and don’t dare to kiss him. He was back after two months out and she didn’t even want to kiss him.

“Good thing you’re back just when summer is beginning, so you don’t end up freezing for changing temperatures.”

Ethan couldn’t repress the astonishment when he noticed Eleanor was using the small-talk card. They had never had small talks before. She always had something to comment, some insight to share, even something to recriminate him with. But now there was nothing of it.

Maybe it was her last resource to avoid something utterly stupid or senseless like kissing him. He couldn’t really blame her.

“Yes, glad I can catch some sun. Vitamin D has worked wonders in Naveen. But he’s too cheerful for my liking.”

“Ethan, Dr. Banerji has always been too cheerful for your liking.”

“Well, yeah, but he is annoyingly cheerful now, and summer is just beginning”

“May the Force be with you”—Eleanor joked, getting up from the bench.—“Well, I’m going home now. Tomorrow’s my first day and I have to come up as fresh as a daisy.”

Ethan smiled faintly at her.

“Goodnight Rookie, I see you tomorrow”

“Night Ethan, see ya”

#open heart #bryce lahela #ethan ramsey #choices stories you play #bryce lahela x mc #bryce x mc #bryce x casey #ethan x mc #ethan x casey #ethan x f!mc #open heart choices #open heart fanfiction #oh choices #oh fanfic #oh #choices fanfiction #fanfic

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hottestthingalive · 4 years

Note

Let's see how you turn this fake tittle into analogical: “And this is why you don't try to run away from home on the middle of Halloween”

i lost my first draft of this. have my second one. if i have to make a third though i might lose my mind

But it helps that I was told to write analogical, and therefore will feel no guilt when I do this time >:D

-Virgil grows up surrounded by warnings.

-Never sing in the darkness, his parents and teachers and friends and family say, whispers and reminders that guide their lives. Tell the bees of the events of the day. Wear black after the first leaves fall. Do not make deals with a stranger if you cannot see their eyes.

-And on All Hallow’s Eve (or Samhain, or Halloween, or simply October 31st, depending on who is speaking) always be inside when midnight strikes.

-Except.

-Except Virgil stopped listening to his parents a long time ago, if only because thinking of himself as worthless and useless and a burden and a failure got to be exhausting. And his teachers, as he gets older, seem to say a lot of things that are wrong. He doesn’t have many friends anymore, and the rest of his family... Well, he never got along with them, anyways.

-He still obeys most of the rules, if only for convenience’s sake. If he wears black in the fall and winter like everyone else, if he is seen whispering to bees as he tends to the garden, if he is careful and cautious and anxious all the time, no one suspects anything, for that is the way they all are. And thus he is not suspicious, and no one seems to notice that he hoards money in a box under his bed, that the bank account he’d originally made separate from his parents’ to “learn responsibility” has been completely cut off from them, that he studies maps of the town and looks into housing and works on fixing up his ancient car whenever he has the free time.

-It is a town of warnings, and it is a town of monsters, too. And Virgil has always dealt with monsters by hiding, clamping his hands over his ears and curling up in a ball under his bed.

-He thinks, now, he will try running.

-And so on the night of October 31st, he goes to bed at ten. “Goodnight,” he says to his parents, and when they check on him just before midnight, standing at his door and looking at his bed, he pretends to be asleep. They do not check under his bed and see the bag stashed underneath it, or pull down the covers and see him wearing his sneakers and jeans under them. He hears them go to bed, and when he checks on them a few minutes later, they are sound asleep.

-This is Virgil’s only chance, the night when no one will be outside to call his parents and tell them their son is leaving. He has been out after dark before, though never on Halloween -- invariably, someone spots him and calls his family. They are respected, in this town, and as his mother tells him, they cannot tolerate disrespect. Even the mayor is under their thumb, Virgil thinks, as policies his father agrees with pass and ones he disagrees with are never mentioned again.

-No one crosses the Mallorys. Except, of course, their own son.

-At half-past midnight, he climbs out of his window, backpack slung over one shoulder and his suitcase already packed into the trunk of his car, parked a little ways down the street. It is an easy climb, one he has made many times before, and though it is cold outside, his sweatshirt protects him from the worst of the wind. He has his parka and boots in the car as well, plus food, water, money -- all he needs. He is seventeen now, Virgil reminds himself. He can do this. It is legal.

-He tries not to think about what will happen if he is caught, so clearly trying to leave, and on All Hallow’s Eve, no less. He tries not to think about what his parents will do.

-He tries not to think about it, and yet the sound of his heart in his ears blots out every other sound.

-It is surprisingly easy. He sticks to the shadows, makes as little noise as possible, blinks slowly at the cats that he passes and watches them blink back, and he is in his car in no time at all. He is sure people hear him driving past, rush to their windows to see who is so foolish, who is awake, but he goes as quickly as his clunker of a car will allow and he leaves houses behind for the forest in no time at all.

-“Fuck,” he says, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he can’t help but grin.

-Said grin abruptly vanishes when someone beside him says “Well, you seem to be in quite the hurry.”

-Virgil nearly drives the car into a tree, turning to see a man sitting beside him. He’s tall, the man, and is dressed one of Virgil’s teachers, blue tie and black polo shirt and black khakis. He is wearing sunglasses, the kind where you can’t see the eyes at all, and yet Virgil knows that he is looking directly at him.

-“Don’t panic,” says the man, which, yeah, too late for that, buddy. “I will not hurt you.”

-“Oh, that’s comforting,” says Virgil sarcastically, his knuckles white as he clings to the wheel. “Who are you? Did my parents send you?”

-“No,” he replies, and adjusts his glasses. He does not answer the first question. “I thought your people did not leave your dens on Samhain.”

-Virgil blinks. Turns that over in his head. “What are you?” he asks next, and the man grins. His teeth are pointed, and gleam in the light from the console.

-“Oh, so you are a clever one, then,” the man remarks, and Virgil tries to focus on not going off the road when the creature whispers its title into his ear.

-“Fuck,” he says, and it is not celebratory this time.

-“I told you I would not hurt you,” says the being beside him, sounding oddly perplexed. “I come in peace? I... offer my support and aid in whatever venture you may chose to embark on?”

-Virgil just stares at him for a moment, before returning his eyes to the road. “Will you get out of my car?” he asks, though he already knows the answer.

-“Not yet,” he says. “This is fun. Do you want a... ‘granola bar’?”

-He is holding out one of the bars Virgil had packed for the trip. It is peanut-butter flavoured, in bright packaging.

-“I know not to accept your food,” he says.

-“It is not mine,” the thing remarks, sounding confused again. “It is yours. And it is not enchanted. Why would you refuse it? Do you not like it?”

-Virgil is silent. The creature taps his chin with one long finger, staring down at the granola bar in his hand, and then straightens. “Ah. You do not trust me.”

-He still does not answer.

-“That is... understandable,” he agrees, sounding rather dejected nonetheless. “I swear, though, I mean you no harm. I have come to warn you, in fact.”

-His kind cannot break an oath. Virgil knows this. That is the only reason he turns, breaks his silence, asks “Warn me of what?”

-“They hunt you,” says the creature. “Your kin. They want to find you, Virgil Mallory, before you disappear.”

-He doesn’t even ask how this being knows his name. “Why?” Virgil says instead.

-“Humans will always cling to power,” he replies, tapping a finger to the space between Virgil’s eyes. “And you are gifted.”

“Cursed, more like,” he mutters, batting the hand away. Virgil’s eyes are purple and green, two unnatural shades that have always seemed to glow slightly in the dark. His parents had made a point of never speaking of the warnings surrounding a thing like him, but he heard them nonetheless.

-Beware of children whose eyes are not their own, and keep a changeling close, if you ever hope to see your own child ever again.

-There is a reason he grows his bangs over his eyes.

-“Gifted,” the being insists, and Virgil just sighs, turning to look at the road behind him. Even if he felt inclined to doubt his story, the lights of cars speeding down the road behind him is more than enough proof.

-“Okay,” he says. “How do I escape them?”

-The creature holds out his hand, glasses shining, and Virgil can’t tell if they are reflecting the console or the moonlight or if they aren’t reflecting anything at all, glowing from the inside. “Let’s make a deal, Virgil Mallory.”

-They find the car, parked in the middle of the road. This is all -- it is empty, nothing at all left behind to indicate it ever held Virgil at all, save for the black and silver and blue and purple dust that looks like a galaxy and shines in the darkness, covering the insides of the car. All of his belongings are gone, and his mother runs her fingers through the dust and screams.

-“I never got your name” Virgil says as he stands up, brushing the dirt from his jeans and turning to face the creature, in a forest far away where his parents will never be able to find him.

-“I am Logan,” he says, and grins that sharp smile again.

-It is years later that Virgil remarks “You know, I wasn’t supposed to make deals with any person I couldn’t see the eyes of.”

-“Really?” Logan asks, tilting his head to the side, looking so adorably confused. “What of deals not made in person? How does that work?”

-“I couldn’t make any bargains with anyone from outside the town,” Virgil explains, moving his hands in the way Logan had taught him, the way that speaks to the bees and prompts them to come closer.

-They stand together among summer flowers, before a hollow tree trunk, and around them the bees dance.

-“I’d like to stay with you forever,” Virgil admits.

-“Well,” says Logan, taking off his sunglasses, “let’s make a deal, then.”

-His eyes are like the sky at midnight, blue and black all at once, both absorbing light and shining with it, and Virgil thinks he falls in love all over again at the sight.

-“I think I’m done with deals,” Virgil shrugs, reaching up to tug Logan into a kiss. “You could make me do anything you wanted without them, anyways, my love.”

-Logan turns a delightful shade of red at that, and the bees hum around them as Virgil laughs.

-He never returns to his village again. He tells the children they take (the ones who would have died otherwise, the ones who were hurt, the ones who were not loved) that he’d made a mistake, running away with a scoundrel of a faerie like Logan (appearing in the middle of a metal deathtrap of a vehicle, really!) but the way he wraps his arms around his husband afterwards doesn’t exactly make the children believe his story.

-Virgil never regrets his deal made with the man whose eyes he could not see, nor does he regret running away from home on Halloween. He’s gotten Logan out of it, and the other beings like himself. He’s found a family here, in this forest where the bees hide amidst his hair and the flowers curl their stems around his fingertips, where the other fey treat him like a gift instead of a curse and the children do not run away as he approaches.

-He is happy, for the first time in his life. And the warnings he has grown up with vanish over the years, replaced with other words.

-You are kind. You are a gift. You are loved.

-I love you.

-And so Virgil breaks every rule, disregards every warning, and he has never been happier.

-(Except for the one about bees. Bees like gossip, and it’s always good to tell them about the events of the day, especially the deaths. Sometimes, they can help.)

I actually loved writing this one!!!! I hope you liked it too, anon!

Send me a fake fic title and I’ll tell you what I’d write for it!

#analogical #romantic analogical #sanders sides #ts virgil #ts logan #virgil sanders #logan sanders #fae #?#its debatable #parents once again suck in a story cinder writes #we call that projection kids #cinder writes #cinder's prompts #cinder's prompt fills

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aliferous-ly · 4 years

Text

we’re all gossipy bitches sometimes

AKA Roman and Logan sit down and gossip -- but not in the way you think.

pairings: platonic logince, romantic royality, romantic analogical warnings: swearing, two deceit mentions, one remus mention, if there’s anything else lmk!! wordcount: 1641

“Did you see Patton today? What he was wearing?” Roman said, swirling a bright rainbow sparkle mug.

“Mmhmm,” Logan said. He nodded for good measure. “The soft grey sweater? With a little mouse on it?”

“And it said mice to meet you, like,” Roman paused, making a guttural noise. “Ugh! Are you kidding me? I can’t deal with that!”

“The pun was rather…” Logan pursed his lips. “...much. However, I agree with your sentiment. The sleeves were so long he used them as hand warmers.”

“I am GOING to die. Like, this isn’t a drill, dig a hole of six feet,” Roman said. He leaned forward, thick fluffy blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “He should be illegal. He’s too cute. Tomorrow he’ll come down in that green knit sweater and I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing his stupid face.”

“I thought the yellow dress would do you in. I stand corrected,” Logan said.

“Oh, yes, it absolutely would,” Roman said. He pointed at Logan with his obnoxious glitter mug. “But it’s too cold for that.

“Oh, what about the dark red one, and then that one scarf he has, and leggings?” Logan mused.

“Oh shit,” Roman said. He sighed, melting against the couch cushions. “God, you’re right.”

“Also, based on past experience, you won’t do anything of the sort,” Logan said, sipping from his own travel mug.

Roman gasped. “Ouch! You didn’t have to come for me like that!”

“I speak only the truth,” Logan said, shrugging. He lifted the mug to cover the slight hint of a smile.

“Oh, but you’ll love this,” Roman said. He put the mug on the coffee table. With his newly freed hands, Roman gestured to follow his words. “I caught Virgil staring at your space blanket.”

“Understandable. Anyone would. It’s very soft and is nice to look at,” Logan said.

“Shut up, specs,” Roman said. “C’mon. C’mon. Imagine him all wrapped up in that blanket. Like are you kidding me? Imagine it.”

Logan rolled his eyes, ignoring the heat travelling to his cheeks. Maybe he was too warm and should shed a layer. “Today he told me his room needed redecorating and asked me to help.”

“Yo, get it my good nerdy friend!” Roman said, kicking Logan. “What did you say?”

Logan avoided Roman’s gaze, electing to stare out the window where snow fell softly, as per Roman’s request.

“Teach,” Roman said. He leveled Logan with a look. “Don’t leave me hanging.”

“I said, I am not design oriented and thus my opinion should not be turned to, perhaps try Patton or Roman, they would enjoy this activity more,” Logan muttered, turning bright red at Roman’s incredulous stare.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Dude!” Roman all but yelled. Logan shh’d him frantically, eyes wide. Roman lowered his voice, but only slight. “That was your opportunity! Your time to shine! You could regale him with like, creepy spider facts! What even!”

“I panicked!’ Logan whispered loudly. “I can’t handle him when he does that weird thing with his face!”

“You mean smiling?” Roman said, gesturing wildly. “Logan!”

“Do not yell at me when you were just saying you couldn’t handle it when Patton was wearing a certain piece of fabric,” Logan shot back.

“Don’t at me when you fall into a helpless puddle whenever Virgil wears a beanie,” Roman countered.

“He looks -- he looks--”

“Really damn cute, I know! I get it, but you still fall apart so don’t pretend I’m the only useless one here!”

“I just told you I rejected one of his -- invites -- and you think I’m put together? Bitch, please.”

They stared at each other, almost breathless, almost huffing. Then they cracked, lips twitching up into twin smiles as laughter bubbled.

“Ahhh,” Roman said, falling further into a reclined position. “Patton promised to make me a pink cake tomorrow.”

“Don’t drink in that position,” Logan said. He shifted. “Pink cake? As in, the cake, or the frosting?”

“White frosting, pink cake,” Roman said.

“Sounds insufferably adorable,” Logan said. He picked at his travel mug, flipping the top open and closed, open and closed.

“He really is adorable,” Roman said, sighing happily. “If I ask him to make the cute little roses, do you think he’ll say yes? Because then I can watch his concentrated face, his nose scrunches up, and sometimes his tongue sticks out between his teeth, and you can see his dimples so easily.”

“I would put money on it,” Logan said. He frowned. “I don’t think Virgil enjoys my presence as much anymore. He looked so upset when I spoke.”

“Because you said no, you stupid bitch,” Roman said.

Logan rolled his eyes. “You think using harsh words will wake me up to something. It won’t work, because I don’t need waking up to anything.”

“You need to wake up and see how much Virgil loooooves you,” Roman said, squishing his own cheeks to make a face at Logan.

“You’re the insufferable one,” Logan said. “He does not.”

“Does too!” Roman protested. “I have proof!”

“Oh, do tell,” Logan said, with the air of someone who’d won three steps before.

“Okay,” Roman said. He sat up; time to get serious. “Okay. So you know how Virgil is emotionally stunted?”

“Rude, but continue.”

“So he doesn’t know how to express love the same way Patton and I do -- Patton by telling you he loves you and me telling me how irritating you are, naturally -- and I think it’s because being in the other’s messed with him,” Roman said.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “I asked for proof, not for you to psychoanalyse him.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” Roman said. “He loves hanging out with you because he always has that little smile whenever you’re around, he literally frosted a cookie with blue and black plaid, caught me looking, and stuffed the whole thing in his face,” Roman said, ticking off with his fingers. “He always seems to know when you’re in the room, and hangs out with you all the time just sitting on the couch.”

“That is very enjoyable,” Logan murmured. His fingers were warm around the travel mug.

“Dude, I vote you go for it,” Roman said.

“You know why I don’t,” Logan said.

“Yeah,” Roman said. He knew. They made a pact about it, actually. No unnecessary pushing. Even if Roman thought it was very necessary.

“Also, please tell me you heard Patton rambling about the Princess and the Frog,” Logan said.

“Oh did I!” Roman said, loud as ever. “I almost proposed to him on the spot. Can sides get married?”

“Hell if I know,” Logan said. He took an obnoxious sip of his drink.

“Bitch what!” Roman said. He threw his arms in the air. “You’re supposed to know everything, you logical god!”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Fine. Marriage is utterly impossible between the sides because it requires an ordained priest, of which none of us are.”

“Fuck you, I can get married if I want to,” Roman said, leaning back against the couch.

“Case and point,” Logan said.

“Also, why can’t you become ordained?” Roman said.

“You need a street address and I, Logan Sanders, have no address,” Logan said. He frowned. “Unfortunately.”

“I knew you’d already tried,” Roman said. He laughed. “Let’s get Thomas ordained. Stick that in his brain during dreamland.”

“This isn’t Inception,” Logan said.

“Did you just make a movie reference?” Roman said. He sat forward, absolute delight shining in his voice.

“Of course not,” Logan said.

“Don’t lie,” Roman said. “That’s just inviting trouble.”

“Deceit’s name is not trouble,” Logan said, distaste clear in his voice. “Besides, that’s all besides the point. You’re not going to jump straight to marriage because you’re a romantic and want to milk all relationships from every milestone.”

“All my relationships?” Roman made a few disbelieving noises. “You make it sound like I’ve had one!”

“Technically, you’re the hub of Thomas’s romantic feelings and therefore feel romantically attracted to his partners.”

“Well, kinda,” Roman said. He swished his mug, watching the liquid within swirl around. “Patton shares it because he’s like, all emotion.”

Logan thought for one, two, three moments. “How absolutely disgusting.”

“I know, we’ve ranted so many times about how wonderful his ex’s were when they were dating,” Roman groaned.

“It’s like sugar squared,” Logan said. He shivered. “Gross.”

“Don’t gross me, you’re the one who literally wrote a pros and cons list to dating Virgil and your cons were he would know me and three question marks,” Roman said. “That’s gross.”

“That’s practical,” Logan said, knowing he was fighting a losing battle.

“You’re -- practical -- wait,” Roman laughed. “Wait, let me try again.”

“Too late, no takesie backsies -- that is how the phrase goes, yes?”

“Don’t be cute with me.”

“Impossible. I’m never cute.”

“Virgil would beg to differ--”

“How would you know what Virgil thinks? Also, this conversation seems to be targeting me a little too much. How about the time Patton slipped and you caught him? You’ve never looked redder.”

“Stoooop,” Roman whined. “He looked so happy, okay! Also I caught him, that’s like, ultimate prince behavior.”

“Is it prince behavior to stutter and leave the situation ten seconds later?” Logan hummed.

“Do not come at me like that, oh my god,” Roman said. “This is a very targeted conversation, I thought we were talking tea.”

“Alright,” Logan said. He settled in. “Where were we?”

“Well, I was thinking about--” Roman continued talking, his voice soft and pliant. Logan interjected every so often with his own comments, the two of them catching up on all the actions of Virgil or Patton, with splashes of Deceit and Remus interspersed in.

Ten feet away, sitting on the stairs, blocked by the wall, sat Patton and Virgil.

They clung to one another's hands, eyes wide and faces darker than Roman’s sash.

#im kinda proud that i actually like wrote smth bc i thought i was just gonna add 200 words off and on for seven months LOL #she lowkey finished #i say lowkey bc bro that fallout tho...#sanders sides #ts spoilers #i guess? since it references the asides video?#analogical #royality #brabbles

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Riverdale Season 5 Episode 9 Review – Chapter 85: Destroyer

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The mundane mingles with the supernatural in a enjoyably goofy episode.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 8

“It is better to know the truth and make peace with it.”

In a bit of selfless wisdom, Cheryl states the above words to Betty in tonight’s bonkers installment. The context being that Betty doesn’t want to tell her mother that it looks like Polly is a goner. So she goes to Cheryl basically to inquire whether she feels that her cousin’s life would have been better had she not known Jason’s true fate.

The from-the-heart response that Cheryl gives her is quickly ignored, and Betty hides the truth from Alice. Since this is an episode of Riverdale, Betty’s deception immediately backfires on her when her FBI superior Glen arrives at the Cooper household to reveal Polly’s probable fate and kick Betty off the case. (Somewhere in the night, Veronica does a breathy cover of The Thompson Twins’ “Lies”).

Anyway, let’s get back to that quote for a second: It is better to know the truth and be at peace with it. That’s going to be the mantra for this entire review, as there are fundamental truths I’ve touched upon in the past that demand to be recognized before the healing can be reached. They are:

1- Archie’s football storyline is a total snooze.

Riverdale may have leaped seven years into the future, but Archie remains as doltish as ever. Granted, K.J. Apa is killing it this season as a grizzled version of the character, but the problem of Archie’s messiah complex still drags on. There are a lot of fascinating things happening on this series right now, and all the Bulldogs stuff does is slow down the breakneck pace that those interesting storylines are moving in. Aliens are in Riverdale, nobody cares about high school football right now. C’mon.

All that said, Britta rules.

2 – Any time that this series isn’t focusing on Mothmen Aliens is wasted time.

The show is taking serious liberties by mashing up Mothman and alien abduction mythologies, which really upends my In Search Of-influenced ideology about how the world works. I’ll forgive this because putting “aliens” on Riverdale is a work of stupid genius but also because I love watching Cole Sprouse and his starter goatee running around looking totally frantic.

3 – Hiram Lodge should be eaten by Mothmen Aliens.

Am I alone in thinking this could actually happen? What a coup for the series that would be! We know that Hiram is involved in some shady business, and all his SoDale shenanigans are a cover for some big secret. Therefore the mystery of the Lonely Highway is directly traced back to Hiram. Is he working for the government? Did aliens cure his mystery illness of last year and in turn is he feeding them Riverdale’s castoffs? Nothing is off the table here. Hiram’s machinations have been the same since he first appeared, but what if he really was working for aliens THE WHOLE TIME? Wouldn’t that be insane/amazing? No other show could pull that kind of shit off.

What I’m saying here is that Riverdale has been dancing with insanity since day one and it’s time to consummate the relationship.

4 – Betty Cooper, Alien Hunter needs to happen.

She fights werewolves in the comics, so is this really that crazy?

The ultimate mystery of whatever is happening this season will likely have a logic-based answer. That’s disappointing, as the Archieverse can be shown to handle witches, so are extraterrestrials that far off? (I’m still burned by the conclusion of the Gargoyle King saga, so I’m not expecting much here). Imagine though, the writing staff wants you to think that everything will wrap up with a plausible explanation and then, boom, it gives you bona fide aliens! A dream is a wish the heart makes…

This episode did give us clarity on a few things. We learned that both Jughead’s and Betty’s investigations lead back to the Lonely Highway and the mysteries — either terrestrial or otherworldly — unfolding there. Additionally, we were reminded that even though he’s ostensibly the lead character of this series, Archie is straight-up boring when he isn’t being attacked by bears or escaping from prison. With only one more episode before an extended hiatus, I hope next week brings us some resolution even though deep down I know that it won’t.

Riverdale Rundown

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• Jughead’s student who writes the troubling story about Mothman abduction is Lerman Logan, a reference to The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Percy Jackson franchise star.

• Old Man Dreyfus’ name is clearly inspired by Close Encounters of the Third Kind star Richard Dreyfuss, which is fitting as the supernatural elements of this season are riffing on the sci-fi blockbusters of the 1970s and ’80s. Further proof of this can be seen by Drefyus telling Betty and Jughead about how Riverdale was a hotbed of Mothmen activity in the summers of 1977 and 1982, ones in which Star Wars and E.T. respectively ruled at the box office.

• Mr. Weatherbee threatens to fire Jughead if he doesn’t stay out of Lerman’s problems, apparently forgetting that Jughead isn’t really even a teacher and is only volunteering.

• Even objectively, Archie is a terrible coach. Can we please fold him into the Jughead/Betty storyline somehow? It’s great to see him and Veronica back together but damn do they need better plots to work with.

• One of the teams that defeats the Bulldogs is the Baxter High Ravens. In case you forgot already, Baxter High was one of the schools that Sabrina attended in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

• One has to wonder how the Vixens must feel about Cheryl, a woman in her twenties who graduated seven years ago, returning to her alma mater to steal the thunder of teenagers who live in Murdersville, U.S.A. and have no other outlet besides cheerleading by performing a self-aggrandizing Lady Gaga cover. Cheryl does a lot of messed up stuff on this show, but this act struck me as especially cruel.

• There’s no Toni and very little Tabitha Tate tonight. Boo.

• I still think they should sell the Pop Tate bobbleheads they keep showing.

• Kevin gets put through the emotional and physical ringer this episode. We learn that disparaging remarks from his mother impacted his self-image so much that he turned to cruising in Fox Forest. (The fate of Mrs. Keller is unknown, so it is possible that she will make an appearance in an upcoming episode). The assault that Kevin endured was brutal to watch, but the scene between Kevin and his father was powerful and cathartic. It will be interesting to see where the character of Kevin goes from here, because it is absurdly beyond time the writers give him a personality trait other than chronic thirst.

• Someone on the Riverdale production staff must really love Friday Night Lights.

• I don’t believe for a second that Polly is actually dead. There’s more of a chance of Hiram being eaten by Mothmen Aliens or Archie getting a compelling A-plot.

• I hate on the football storyline a lot in this review, but I do find all the talk about tainting the podunk town’s football league’s prestige to be weirdly funny.

• Pop’s sells take out cold cuts too? Helluva business, that Chok’lit Shoppe.

• “I’m saying that things happen, especially in Riverdale,” declares Jughead, in the most obvious statement in the episode.

• Please let them do a Mulder and Scully thing with Jughead and Betty.

• I think there’s more Mr. Weatherbee in tonight’s episode than there has been in the entire series to date. That’s a fantastic thing.

• So is Reggie done with Hiram for good now? He is such a key figure in the comics that it would be fantastic if the series figured out what the hell to do with him.

• Having reviewed this show from the first episode, I’ve learned a thing or two about how Riverdale storylines work. Therefore I’m calling it now: Glen is the Trash Bag Killer. You think so too, I know it.

• So far this season has drawn influence from everything from cryptozoological monsters to the real-life crimes of Patrick Kearney. Next week marks the mid-season finale, and the promise of everything from aliens to Pop’s possibly being blown up by Hiram? Whatever happens, cherish it, as the show then won’t return until July.

The post Riverdale Season 5 Episode 9 Review – Chapter 85: Destroyer appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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trashyswitch · 4 years

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The Obvious Ship

Roman and Virgil would make the PERFECT COUPLE! Or, that's what Patton believes. Now, he sets out to try and get the two boys together: Fanboy style!

I turned Patton into a pure, obsessed fanboy...Sorry not sorry...

It was a normal morning in the mind palace. Roman had gotten up early, fixed up his hair, and put on his make up. As Roman was putting on his costume, he realized that his sash was missing! What?! Where could it have possibly gone? Roman looked just about everywhere in his room. It was nowhere to be found. So...Roman, feeling quite disappointed, decided to try and stay positive and where his costume without the sash.

Meanwhile, Virgil had gotten up late. He put on his black eye shadow, and had begun looking for his clothes. But...his favourite sweater was missing for some reason. Strange...he placed it on the end of his bed last night, and it wasn't under his bed either. Virgil sighed as he stood in the middle of his room with his ripped jeans, and his t-shirt on. His mood was generally not the greatest in the morning, but thanks to the missing sweater, his mood had grown slightly worse.

Soon, both characters joined the other characters in the kitchen, with their obviously missing items. Logan was drinking his coffee and reading, while Deceit was playing with a deck of cards.

"Morning." Virgil muttered, walking out in his purple t-shirt.

"Goooood MORNING everyone!...I'm missing my sash. Have any of you guys seen it?" Roman declared dramatically, wearing his white costume without his sash.

"Uuuh...Nope, haven't seen it." Logan replied.

"The dryer was empty from last night." Deceit stated.

"Go-Good point. Did it end up in the wash from yesterday?" Logan asked. Roman huffed and walked into the laundry room. Opening the dryer, Roman moved his hand through the dry clothes. After checking every single piece of clothing in the dryer, Roman concluded that no: his sash was NOT in the dryer.

"Nope. No sash." Roman replied, pouting as he walked back in the room. "Also Deceit, the dryer was full of clothing. Some of it is yours." Roman mentioned.

"Oh, I was CoMpLeTeLy unaware." Deceit stated sarcastically. Roman rolled his eyes as he looked around.

Virgil -following the advice from the previous conversation- walked up to the dryer to check for his hoodie. After rooting through the wash for a bit, Virgil discovered that his sweater wasn't washed, and therefore, wasn't in the dryer. Virgil let out a frustrated growl. When he went back out to the kitchen, he was presented with an interesting sight:

Patton was standing in the middle of the room, walking to Logan. But more importantly, Patton was wearing Virgil's sweater and Roman's sash over top. Roman was staring at the strange sight, struggling to figure out if he should laugh at the sight, or discipline Patton for the theft.

"Patton...WHY! Why are you wearing my sweater!" Virgil asked, frustrated.

"AND, my sash!" Roman added.

Patton giggled. "Can't you tell? I'm Prinxiety!" Patton proclaimed. Virgil and Roman both froze. Both their eyes were widened.

"...Interesting...Elaborate, please." Logan instructed.

"Okay. You two, have failed to make ANY MOVES TO MAKE PRINXIETY HAPPEN!" Patton explained, rather loudly. "I've tried helping you two! The whole world wants it!" Patton declared.

"D-Do you ship us?" Virgil asked him.

Patton let a big smirk grow onto his face. "Maaaaayyyybe?" Patton replied.

"I don't see it. They are NOT shippable aT aLL!" Deceit stated.

"See? Even Deceit sees it!" Patton reacted, pointing to him.

"Oh my go- JUST GIVE US OUR CLOTHES BACK!" Roman yelled.

"And spoil an adorable opportunity?! I don't think so..." Patton said with an evil grin.

Virgil looked Patton up and down. Virgil could tell what Patton wanted. It was practically written on Patton's face!

"I think the only way we're gonna get it back...is by chasing him down ourselves..." Virgil explained. Roman looked towards Virgil, and began to grin evilly.

"You wouldn't want us to go for desperate measures, now would you Patton?" Roman asked.

Patton's eyes widened, as his mouth followed suit. This just confirmed Virgil's beliefs.

"Ohoho...He wants it alright..." Virgil explained. "Wanna team up?" Virgil asked, holding out his hand for a handshake.

Roman smirked. "Well, of course, emo nightmare." Roman replied eagerly, before shaking his hand.

Patton gasped, and began jumping and clapping his hands like a fangirl, before pulling out a notebook and pen to write something down.

"What's that?" Deceit asked. Patton paused his writing, and slowly turned his head towards the man behind him.

"...nooooothing?" Patton attempted to lie, before going back to writing.

"Nevermind. I don't wanna see it." Deceit stated. Patton, after finished writing, threw the notebook towards him before getting himself ready for a chase.

Suddenly, Patton started sprinting away from them.

"HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY SASH, YOU THIEF!" Roman shouted before chasing Patton.

Virgil's smile grew wider as he happily followed suit.

While all of that was happening, Deceit took the time to read the notebook. Upon reading the title, Deceit bursted out laughing. ____________________________________ Prinxiety (Roman and Virgil): Proof of Potential Couple: -Screaming while holding hands (They started SCREAMING! Potential crush on each other?) -Roman helping Virgil feel welcome to the light sides (HE FREAKING WANTS HIM WITH US!) -Virgil checking him out (MULTIPLE TIMES!) -ROMAN checking him out (ESPECIALLY WHEN VIRGIL CHANGED TO PURPLE! AAAAH!) -The bickering between the two (Opposites attract, right?) -Their matching love for Disney (PRINCE X EMO = DISNEY LOVERS?!) Conclusion: I APPROVE! Next step: GET THOSE COWARDS TOGETHER! ____________________________________

"This is a useless list...you won't wanna see this..." Deceit said, handing it to Logan.

Suddenly, Patton came zooming past Deceit and Logan, and sprinted up the stairs. Following him, you guessed it, was Roman and Virgil. Somehow, it's taken 10 minutes of sprinting to actually catch him.

Soon though, Logan had lost his train of thought thanks to a crash from upstairs. Logan smiled to himself. That must mean Patton was caught.

Sure enough, Logan was correct! Patton had been tackled down by Roman from behind. With Patton laying on the ground and Roman on top of him, Virgil set to work removing Patton's shoes and socks.

"WAIT! VIRGIL! I'M SORRY I TOOK YOUR SWEATER! I just- I needed to get you two working together! And this was the only way to do it!" Patton explained.

Virgil chuckled at that. "Yeah, you accomplished that alright. Now you'll have to survive the evil wrath of 'Prinxiety'." Virgil teased playfully.

"Wait, really?! Great!...So...what are you gonna do?" Patton asked, growing slightly nervous.

Roman looked towards Virgil, with a potential idea in mind. Virgil looked back at Roman with a curious look. Roman, wanting to show him his idea, used his magic to create a red feather.

"A fe-...Oh...Ooooh, I like that." Virgil said with a slightly eager smile.

"Really?" Roman clarified, unable to fathom the happy smile showing up on Virgil's face.

"Yup. You lead the way." Virgil reassured. Roman eagerly fist pumped the air, before sliding himself off of Patton. Roman rolled the father onto his back, before sitting onto the front of Patton's waist.

"Now, I would use this feather on him...but feathers are actually useless on Patton!" Roman explained.

"Wait, seriously?!" Virgil asked.

"Yeah! So..." Roman replied, before using his magic to create a new item. "a make-up brush would work a lot better for this!" Roman said eagerly, creating a powder brush.

"Hmm...alright. Let's make it stiff, but soft. Okay?" Virgil suggested.

"Noted." Roman replied, before turning the powder brush into a small concealer brush.

Patton let out a squeal at the mere thought of such a thing being used for this purpose.

"Ready?" Roman asked, suspense fully. Patton squealed, both nervous and excited. Roman started slowly lowering it as he continued teasing. "Cause I'm...goooooonna..." Roman teased evilly.

Virgil huffed impatiently, and pushed Roman's hand down, causing the brush to fall into Patton's belly button rather quickly.

"AAAH! Vihihihihirgihihil! Whyhyhyhy?!" Patton asked.

"Ya Virgil..." Roman asked, looking at him.

"Easy: I'm impatient." Virgil replied, slouching as he watched Roman swirl the makeup brush in his belly button.

"Wahahahahait! Ihihihi'm sohohohohorry! Ihihihihi'm SOHOhohohohorry!" Patton attempted to apologize.

"Too late for apologies, buddy. Now be a good little boy and face your punishment." Roman replied with a smile. Patton continued to giggle as he watched Roman play around with the brush in hand. Roman continued to do this for 5 more minutes, before removing the brush. Patton took the moment to recuperate the small amount of breath he'd lost. When he looked up to Roman however, Patton's eyes widened dramatically, as a long and horrified squeal left his mouth.

Roman had used his magic to change make up brushes. What did he choose this time? A large blush brush! And to make matters worse, Roman was teasing him with the handheld object by bouncing it up and down off Patton's tummy like a bouncy trampoline!

"Ooooh! Good choice!" Virgil reacted.

"Why thank you, darling!" Roman replied. Patton let a small smile grow onto his lips. In his mind, Patton was fangirling rapidly. Every small thought that entered his mind, went in and out in a couple seconds, before a new thought took the very same trail, in and out of his brain.

All of a sudden, those thoughts took a dramatic pause, as that damned brush was fluttering itself all over Patton's tummy. Every single instinct in his body, immediately switched to forcing bouts of laughter out of Patton's body. The brush was so soft, so gentle, and unsurprisingly: SUPER TICKLISH! Patton's head shook back and forth as more cheerful laughter left his mouth.

"You seem to be enjoying this...What about swirls? Do you like swirls?" Roman asked, before drawing circles with the bristles of the blush brush. Patton's laughter grew higher a little bit, as his body squirmed and attempted to get away from such a ticklish brush. Such a thing should not exist for such an occasion! But, Roman was clever with his tools. He's learned through many tickle fights, that makeup brushes are a lot more useful than first advertised. Not only can they help apply make up, but they can tickle a person as well!

"ROHOHOHOHOMAHAHAN! IHIHIHIT TIHIHIHIHIHICKLES!" Patton yelled through his laughter.

"Well, I'd hope so! Otherwise, this would be preeeeetty awkward..." Roman replied.

"Hey, have you tried his armpits yet?" Virgil asked.

"Nope! I haven't. If you hold up his arms, I'll gladly try it out!" Roman offered. Virgil nodded in agreement and lifted Patton's arms up.

"Ihihi nehehever imagined yohohou twohoho wohohohorking tohogether." Patton said, letting some leftover giggles leave his mouth, even as Roman stopped the brush.

"Well, you'd better believe it! Disney prince and Disney emo are working together." Roman stated.

Virgil chuckled. "Disney emo...good one." Virgil reacted, slightly flattered at the nickname.

Roman took the time to fluff up his brush a little bit, before starting. Patton squirmed and whimpered nervously as Roman fluttered the brush back and forth, against the palm of his non-dominant hand. Now, Roman was ready. Before using the brush, he tried lightly scratching with his finger first. This earned him a squeal and a high pitched giggle. Finally, after what felt like forever, Roman placed the brush against Patton's armpit and fluttered it.

Patton threw his head back and let out a loud scream! "WAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEHEHEHEHEASE!" Patton pleaded through his laughter.

"Please what? Please tickle my other armpit? Why, a great idea you have! I'd love to!" Roman teased, before moving onto the second armpit.

"THAHAHAHAHAT'S NAHAHAHAT WHAHAHAHAT IHIHIHI MEHEHEHEHEANT!" Patton yelled through his never ending laughter.

"I know. I just wanted to switch armpits." Roman replied with a smile. After a couple more minutes of tickling, Roman removed the brush and made it disappear.

"Why are you stopping?" Virgil asked.

"Because I think Patton has learned his lesson. Patton?" Roman said, looking to Patton and waiting for an answer.

"Ya?" Patton replied, confused as to what he was supposed to say.

"Did...Did you learn your lesson?" Roman clarified.

"Yes. I learned my lesson." Patton replied.

Virgil let go of his arms and got off the man. "Alright. What did you learn?" Virgil asked.

"Oh! That's easy! I learned that you two are definitely an adorable couple!" Patton happily exclaimed.

Virgil let out a groan, while Roman growled in anger.

"WE! ARE NOT! A COUPLE!" Roman yelled.

"Aww, come on! You're gay, you're opposites, and you've been dropping hints for the longest time! JUST DO SOMETHING ALREADY!" Patton shouted.

"Okay. I'll take back my sash, thank you." Roman demanded subtly, lifting the sash right off Patton.

"And I'll take my sweater back." Virgil said next, unzipping the zipper and slipping off Patton's shoulders.

"Is it comfy?" Roman asked Patton.

"The sweater? Yeah! It's really comfy!" Patton replied.

Roman looked to Virgil, who already had one arm in one of the sleeves. Virgil looked back at Roman, who was basically giving him the desperate puppy eyes.

Virgil sighed, and slipped the sweater off. "Fine." Virgil said, handing him the sweater. Roman cheered excitedly, before taking it and slipping it right on.

Roman gasped, and wiggled back and forth. "IT'S SO COMFY!!" Roman yelled excitedly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the only time you can wear it, so enjoy it while you can." Virgil warned.

Patton gasped in pure excitement.

Roman conjured up a tall mirror, and started admiring himself in the mirror. Virgil rolled his eyes and let a small smile grow onto his face, before walking up to the prince.

"Looking good, Roman. Purple looks...really nice on you, actually." Virgil complimented.

"R-really?" Roman reacted, his face slightly turning red as he watched Virgil zip up the zipper and fix his hair. Virgil began placing bits of Roman's bangs in front of his face, to look more...emo. Roman smiled genuinely, and put his hands in Virgil's hoodie pockets, letting Virgil do his thing. To end it off, Virgil grabbed the hood, delicately placed it on his head, and made it so that his bangs and face were noticeable under the hood.

"Oh, my GAHD, JUSTKISSALREADY!" Patton yelled impatiently.

Roman sighed as he turned his head and looked at Patton with the most honest 'I'm sick of your shit' face. Virgil took one quick glance at Roman's face, and clutched his stomach as he doubled over laughing.

"Patton...we don't like each other...not in that way...please...try to respect that." Roman attempted. Patton's impatience seemed to soften a little bit.

"...Oh, alright...you don't need to date each other..." Patton said, disappointed but compromising. Roman let out a long sigh of relief. Patton's disappointed face soon morphed into a mischievous face. "But, that doesn't stop me from writing down the MILLION REASONS why you two SHOULD BE DATING EACH OTHER!" Patton added excitedly.

...

...Let's just say, there was a lot more yelling and laughter echoing through the house after that...

#ticklefic #lee!patton #ler!roman #ler!virgil #prinxietyhint

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ephemeral-afterlight · 5 years

Text

Day 27: Ransom

(Protect those you love), prepare to leave it all behind.

Whumptober 2019 Day 27: Ransom

Word Count: 2161

Relationships: Intrulogical

Warnings: Kidnapping, physical violence/weapon (knife), blood and injuries, mentions of torture, threats of non-con to another character, vulgar/explicit language, mentions of drug usage/bad parenting/death of a minor character (not a side), cursing

A/N: hmm... i don't really know what to think of this one, to be honest. it feels weird to write right now, since i'm a bit sick, but i don't know. maybe it's not as awful as it feels like it is. who knows. anyway, have this shit. i'm not really a huge intrulogical shipper, since i don't actually ship remus with anybody (i hc him as aro), but logan fit so here we are.

It’s pretty cold here. Remus knows that being kidnapped and held hostage in a basement however far below the surface isn’t a particularly forgiving situation, but couldn’t his kidnapper give him a blanket or something? It’s too fuckin’ cold for this! And it’s weird, because the guy seems pretty warm himself despite not even wearing a jacket or anything, just a t-shirt, and it makes Remus a little jealous. Remus is always cold, but this place just makes it worse.

He doesn’t even know why he’s here, either. He’s not special, doesn’t stand out, isn’t known for any notable actions or anything. He’s just a simple guy, a dude who lives in a shit apartment and works two jobs in fast food and bartending. He’s pretty common, in society’s eyes, so… why is he here?

The blow to the head had been delivered from behind, just after Remus has gotten into his apartment after work. It came when he least expected it, which is so not fair, because he would have loved to fight the guy. Have a fun old-fashioned full-out brawl in his living room at two in the morning, show him what he’s got. It could have been a fun end to his shitty night, but no, of course the guy had to take the coward’s way out and avoid the fight completely. What a fucking bore.

Now, sitting here tied to this chair in the middle of the room, Remus doesn’t even really feel the pain from the big knot on his head. There’s better things to worry about, like “Am I out of milk?” and “Will I get back in time to catch the season finale of the television show I’ve been following since the premiere?”. Besides, injuries are nothing new to Remus, having grown up playing only contact sports, so a little bonk on the head is nothing compared to the evenings he’d come home from practice or games with welts and bruises littering every inch of his skin. Before she died, his mom would freak out over the blood and cuts on his arms and legs, but then he’d give her a toothy grin with multiple teeth missing from being knocked out, and she’d just shake her head and clean him up. His mom was super cool, before she became a druggie and too busy fucking whoever was closest to come home and take care of her kids.

Anyway, Remus still doesn’t get why he of all people had to have been kidnapped, because it’s not like he’s some important figure or in any sort of position of power. He holds sway exactly Nowhere, and therefore isn’t exactly the ideal choice when stealing someone from their home for your own gain. Whoever this guy is, he’s kind of a dumbass.

“Listen up. You’re gonna sit here, smile into the camera really pretty, and you ain’t sayin’ a word unless I tell you to. Got it?” the guy demands as he sets up a tripod, and Remus just snickers. His kidnapper gives him a withering glare as he settles the camera into the correct spot, and then walk around to the other wide to line the shot up the way he wants it. “What’s so funny?”

“Just wonderin’ what the video’s for. Who you gonna send it to, my dead grandma?” Remus asks, licks his lips with a grin as he wiggles in his seat. The ropes around his wrists are tight, but definitely loose enough to slip out of if he pulls hard enough. Remus gets to work using his sharp fingernails to slice through through the rope one strand at a time, to try and reduce the circumference and be able to slide it far enough through the knot that he’ll be able to just yank his hands free. Remus guesses that all those years of putting up with Roman’s boy scouts phase weren’t a complete waste.

“Nope. You got a brother, it’s goin’ to him,” the kidnapper replies with a sneer. He’s finally finished setting the camera up, presses a button to start it rolling, and the red light begins to blink. Remus raises an eyebrow as the kidnapper settles back slightly further from the tripod and pulls out a stack of note cards, and it’s with a barely contained giggle Remus realizes that he had to write his speech down.

“Proof of life,” the guy says into the microphone with a much deeper, more gruff voice than before, and it takes so much effort to not burst out into raucous laughter. “If you want your poor little brother here back to you alive, you’re gonna leave no less than 200 thousand in a bag at the address provided. Unmarked bills, no cops. You leave the money, and then you get your ass out of there. If you call the police or try to pull any tricks, little bro here is gettin’ a bullet to the face. Once I confirm the money’s clean, he’ll be dropped off somewhere within walking distance of help, alive. You have three days. If that money still isn’t with me by the time midnight rolls around come Saturday, he’s dead.”

The kidnapper presses a button on the top of the camera and the red light stops blinking with a little click. Just in time, too, because Remus busts out into uncontrollable laughter as soon as the camera stops recording. His lungs and chest hurt with how hard he’s laughing, but he can’t stop, and the offended, angry look on the guy’s face just makes him laugh harder.

“Stop fuckin’ laughing!” his kidnapper snaps, but his voice cracks at the end, and Remus is in tears. It’s pretty predictable when the guy rushes him and punches him in the jaw, knocking the rest of his breath out of his lungs in a pained wheeze. Remus barely has a moment to recover before the guy’s fist is buried in his gut, forcing a hacking cough from Remus’ throat. He wants to keep laughing, but now it hurts like a bitch to even breathe, so maybe staying quiet for now is the best option.

“I said I’d bring you back alive, not unharmed. Don’t fucking push me,” the guy growls maliciously, a cold glint in his eyes as he reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a switchblade, flips the knife out in a way that shines the metal’s reflection of the light in Remus’ face. How annoying. The kidnapper presses the knife into Remus’ throat, in the same spot he’s had tracheostomies performed when his airway was blocked, and the feeling of smooth, sharp metal just centimeters away from his trachea is almost comforting in its familiarity.

“Fuck you,” Remus responds hoarsely, spits as much as he can and it lands on his kidnapper’s chin. Remus knows he’s going to be pissed, knows the fallout will be painful as fuck, but he can’t really seem to bring himself to care. He doesn’t regret it, either, not even when the guy yells out in anger and slams his fist into Remus’ stomach again. He doesn’t regret it when the guy mutters something about teaching him a lesson, he doesn’t regret it when he replaces his switchblade with the bigger chef’s knife laying on the shelf in the corner, and he certainly doesn’t regret it when the guy returns with a sadistic grin.

Remus will brag about what happens next for so, so long after he gets out of here, because it’s the funniest shit he’s ever done. The disheveled man brings the knife to Remus’ chest and pushes the blade into his skin, slowly slicing it open as the fresh cut forms a bleeding slash. But Remus doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even yell from the pain. He just moans, one that isn’t of fear but rather high-pitched and obscene, a mockery of sex that leaves him barely able to hold onto the laugh that wants to push past his harshly gritted teeth. “Harder, daddy!”

And that’s probably the last straw, because the end of the cut turns much less clean in the guy’s lividity. The blade presses deeper into his skin, draws more blood and elicits more pain to radiate from his chest, and it takes more effort than Remus would like to not cry out. As much as he doesn find real humour in this situation, he can’t really afford to die here, so staying the dominant, unafraid personality to this man who obviously fears a lack of control is important. He can’t show fear, because that will just bolster the guy’s confidence and keep his head clear enough to not make mistakes. However, if he’s upset and feeling undermined, his anger will cause him to slip up, and allow Remus the opportunity to turn the tables on him. It does sound easy in hindsight, but slacking off won’t help any, so Remus focuses in on burying the pain below a layer of numbness.

“You know what? Maybe I won’t send it to your little brother. Maybe I won’t return you at all. Maybe, I’ll just keep you here, tied up so you can only sit there as I torture your little boyfriend,” the kidnapper seethes, and his eyes narrow as an even more deranged smile slips onto his face when Remus stiffens uncontrollably. “What, that hit a nerve? You scared for your little boy toy? What was his name… Logan, right? I know where he lives. And I’ll steal him from his bed, bring him here and force you to watch while I slice him up. Maybe I’ll make you watch me fuck him, take care of him better than you ever could, hmm? How about that? Want me to fuck your boyfriend for you? I saw him, y’know, a cute little nerd with glasses. Nice ass, skinny waist… he’s almost like a girl. Maybe I’ll keep him for myself, after I kill you, fuck him every single day while he just cries for his poor ol’e Remus.”

No. No, no, no no nononono. How dare he?! You can do anything to Remus. You can threaten him, make fun of him, torture him, and he’d laugh in your face. But this guy has the fucking nerve to bring his boyfriend into this? No. Unacceptable. This isn’t-- fuck.

And Remus knows he should stay calm, not let his words get to him, but…he knows Logan’s name. And apparently, where Logan lives. What if he does take Logan, does hurt him while Remus can’t even do anything about it, helplessly tied to a chair? What if this guy hurts his baby, hurts his Logan, and Remus could’ve prevented it? It’s far too easy to imagine Logan’s eyes filled with fear, the attempts to stave off tears, muffled cries of pain. All he can see in his mind is Logan traumatized, and for the very first time, the thought of sex makes Remus feel sick to his stomach.

So with an enraged snarl, Remus yanks his hands free from the flimsy rope keeping then locked behind the back of the chair, and then lunges. He relishes in the surprised yelp, the angered fear in his eyes, the way he scrambles to fight back far too late. Because he’s pinned under Remus, and once he’s got someone in his grip, he isn’t letting go. For probably too long, Remus just sits there, beating his kidnapper with shaking fists. The man fell unconscious a while ago, hasn’t been a threat for minutes, but Remus doesn’t have any other way to take out his frustration besides sitting here on top of this guy, pummeling him to hell and back. Eventually, his arms fall limply to his sides, and Remus’ eyes dull as he slouches over. His breathing is light and trembling, and there’s a feeling welling up in his chest that he doesn’t understand, can’t pinpoint or identify. His legs feel like they’re on fire when he pushes himself to his feet, burn when he sways a bit in an attempt to keep his balance.

Remus doesn’t know where he is, or how far he was taken from his home, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what Remus has to go through, because as he climbs the ladder out of this cellar and emerges in a long, dark hallway, he knows. He knows as he trudges to the end, as he whips open the door on the other side to reveal an alleyway. He knows as he gets to the road, recognizes the bakery across the bustling traffic, and when he turns in the opposite direction of his apartment. He knows when he sees the green sign at the intersection, sees the familiar name of Logan’s street, when he approaches his apartment complex. He knows that Logan’s going to be okay, because he’s going to make sure of it, and Remus vows that nobody will ever be able to threaten his boyfriend ever again.

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theangrypokemaniac · 4 years

Text

I'll state from the beginning that the images below display the sort of sweet synchronicity to which only love can give life:

MaAndPaShipping is the best ship, and here are five reasons why:

1. It Made James

Like the boy do yer? Ever felt the slightest tingle of warmth at the mention of his name?

Well get down on yer knees and give thanks to his mother and father for gifting him to the world!

Where would we be without their remarkable commitment? Could James have grown into the dandified dream boat of your desires if deprived of the safety provided by his parents?

Had they not brought him up, he'd be dead, The Dog of Flanders fantasy made reality. If miraculously he survived, foraging in the wild is not conducive to a foppish personality.

Is that to yer fancy? No? Then let's have a little respect. The luxury Ma and Pa gave enabled his macaroni tendencies to reach such heights.

Their love created him! How can it not be celebrated?

You lot would ship Jessie's parents but you can't, because she has no dad, and I don't suppose you'll ever assent to his obvious identity of Windy Miller, although 'Jessie Miller' has a wonderful ring to it, so what can be done?

Should a Pa Jess be conjured for the purpose, he still buggered off, didn't he? Where's the allure in a faithless git?

I can't comprehend the obsession with Ma Jess. As soon as here she's stiff, and what is there to remember but coercing her daughter into eating snow?

Hey, I named her. What more do you want from me?

I'd rather have the living, visible ancestors, if you don't mind.

Yeah, says the history fanatic.

Why not make the most of the chances offered, and follow a devoted couple whose love made a difference to your existence?

2. Canon!

There are many ships which I find repulsive for involving depravity, or absurd as the subjects haven't met, or don't inhabit the same fictional universe.

Video et taceo: I see and I say nothing.

Neither does anyone. Forcing decent folk in to incest, bestiality etc. is quite alright.

Perverted ideas are left alone, but woe betide a Rocketshipper, because that's offensive.

It may be the only original ship left standing, with proper evidence and sanctioned by Nintendo, but no, it's fair game for undermining. People pick at your arguments, quibble constantly and NEED to register their objections NOW. You MUST be made aware of opposition. You're not to be permitted your views the way those with twisted tastes are indulged.

Why, out of tens of thousands of combinations, does making Jessie and James an item provoke hostility?

The strength of negativity actually serves as validation, for why be so concerned if it's an impossible relationship?

However sick they are, I'm not anti any ship. I can't muster sufficient interest to do it, and if I scroll on, I forget. I certainly don't attack those responsible.

Anti-Shipping is inherently nihilistic for promoting loneliness. They aren't against Rocketshipping through wanting Jessie and James to be with someone else, as an alternative is not readily available, so the outcome of it is neither finding a companion.

MaAndPaShipping attracts no sourpuss silliness, for 'tis canon beyond question. There's nothing about being 'just friends' when married with a son.

How's the state of your O.T.P.? Not looking too clever I expect, and what's your contribution: wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying?

Cast it off! None of that longing is necessary in these quarters, as MaAndPaShipping is a fait accompli.

Hallelujah! Wallow in that Love!

Don't you yearn for at least one ship that all of us accept by default, to the extent these aristocrats are spoken of as a single unit?

Across the internet, Ma and Pa are bracketed as 'James's parents', never 'he' and 'she', always 'they', barely counting as distinct characters. That's how undeniable the love is between them. Sheer indifference has awarded it a blessing from everyone.

MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Of course, now I've drawn attention to it the moaning will start, but we all know a spoilsport when we see one.

If they had any legitimate complaints they ought to have mentioned 'em before this piece highlighted the marriage!

Except it won't have occurred to 'em previously, proving the eternal, indissoluble quality of MaAndPaShipping.

You get good value with this one.

Find a post referring to Ma and Pa as individuals and I'll have written it, for that's what you call ironic.

3. It's a Fine Rocketshipping Proxy

I was at primary school when Pokémon hit the West like the bright, bearded meteor it is, atomizing all competition for a child's attention.

I have shipped Jessie and James before I knew anyone else did it, unaware shipping was even a thing.

There are other pairs where I think: 'That seems to fit', but it's incomparable to what I feel for them.

It is part of me. I bleed it.

I have shipped it longer than most Tumblerries have dwelt upon the earth.

I used to believe, what with the hints and manga finale, that this resolution was inevitable, and all I had to do was wait.

Well I've been patient for two decades now, thus when I look at the modern incarnation, and realise it's no nearer to that goal, and instead is further away, waiting starts to wear a bit thin.

I resent the lack of appreciation shown to the fans by the cretins in charge, how any meagre shippy inclusion is done not with an interest in deepening bonds, but with the blatant cynicism of moulding us into performing monkeys dancing to their manipulative tune.

I dislike being treated like a sea lion, expected to clap me flippers at the wave of a fish, or as a panting dog begging at top table, where, because they're desperate to maintain the status quo, every scrap flung down from above now comes with an Anti-Ship kick in the teeth, just to be sure nothing progresses. Not whilst the franchise can still be milked for all it's worth.

I have lost faith Rocketshipping will happen. What passes for Pokémon today carries not the remotest indication of any intention on the so-called writers' part to finish it that way.

Even if it did, it's not my Team Rocket, it's those skeletal, gargoyle bastardisations. My Jessie and James never got the reward they deserved.

I'm somewhat in the market for a replacement. Beneath this loathsome carapace of acid and ice beats the tender heart of a true romantic, and it must have an outlet!

Shipping Ma and Pa provides a certain spurious relief, because it's as close as you can get to Jessie and James without it being them, both biologically as his parents, but they're so similar to the duo it counts as proof in itself.

Holy Matrimony! is prime Rocketshipping territory, not merely the balloon lift, but many slight additions are as important, like the haircuts matching.

Ma and Pa are therefore Jessie and James in the past, present and future:

The past for representing Jess 'n' Jamie gone Victorian, and we've all wondered how that'd turn out.

The present as it's there right now, absent of suffering the shameless whims of morons to get what you want. 'Tis yours to savour.

The future as a glimpse of Jessie and James once married with children, and they agree:

That's how they play it given the opportunity!

What, James in blue, for his and Pa's hair, and Jessie wearing purple, like Ma's, with a red shawl for her own, and Ma Jess's orange earrings to copy the beads?

• Money!

• Bun!

• 'Tache!

• Classy pad!

• Fancy gear!

• Pampered pet!

• Identical cups of Earl Grey!

4. Original Blend

Ma and Pa have only got two fans! We care more than the entire fandom has in twenty years!

Rocketshipping art is ten a penny, so why not display a pioneering spirit, sharpen up those pencils and be inspired?

Let your mind expand and marvel at the possibilities of these unchartered territories, and I'll reblog it if it's nice.

Pay attention to the condition of it being nice. I'm not putting up with any old toss.

Real Ma and Pa is what I want too, not those Sinnoh coffin-dodgers.

It's never been done! Every drawing breaks new ground!

I don't like fan fiction, but I wouldn't say 'no' to that either. Recall the 'nice' stipulation again.

Come on, be the first amongst your friends and get ship shape!

5. It Gives Us All Hope

Suppose your favourite amour one day became canon: you imagine that's the end of the matter?

Well it ain't.

Between Ash, Misty, Brock, Jessie, James, Gary and Tracey, there are three-and-a-half out of fourteen parents (Flint doesn't count as a complete man) and one out of twenty-eight grandparents, and that's not enough!

If the series drew to a close with your beloved couple apparently walking into the happily-ever-after, there's no guarantee it'll endure. In fact, the odds are they'll split up within a few years and leave another generation to fend for themselves or starve.

That's right, so don't presume the final episode is all you need to worry about. Can you rest easy knowing it'll go pear-shaped once the camera stops rolling?

It's futile soothing one's worries with:

Oh, but they know what it's like to be alone. They'd never inflict such stress on their children.

Oh really?

Look at that poor showing of grandparents. Either Pokémon has a system reminiscent of the sci-fi film Logan's Run, where everyone over thirty is vapourized, or these disappearing maters and paters were themselves victims of abandonment.

I bet when they settled down, they thought it'd be different for their kids, they'd make sure of it, but no, off they went down that same route of feckless self-indulgence, and that's being kind assuming they intended not to repeat history.

Depressing eh? What's the good in any of us surrendering to romance, real or otherwise, if love is but a mayfly of emotion, and all dreams are doomed to die?

Then Ma and Pa arrive, and suddenly the storm clouds part for a ray of heavenly light.

It's not only that they made the effort in what was probably an arranged marriage and have stayed together from youth, it's that they've stayed together when no one else has, which augments its value.

When separation is commonplace, sticking it out becomes rarer and rarer as any belief in the sanctity of wedlock erodes with every failure.

If they didn't bother, why should I? What's the use when it won't work?

Once that idea enters your head, it's over, and your gloom-laden attitude fulfils itself.

Society is collapsing about Ma and Pa's ears, but they persevere nevertheless, refusing to buckle under the turgid malaise engulfing the arrogant and weak.

It's bloody beautiful, man!

You may suggest an environment of supreme wealth erases normality, and to their class and time period divorce is still taboo, so they don't really have much of choice but to remain wedded.

Ah, but it's not as if they simply tolerate one another for appearances, or carried on for the sake of their son (which is more than anyone else did besides), not when he walked out on them.

They've been married longer than James has lived, so at least eighteen years (don't all squeal at once), and they're still blissfully contented!

They hold hands!

They use terms of endearment like 'dear' and 'my precious'!

They were made for one another!

They work as a team!

They want the same thing for James!

It could bring a stone angel to tears it's so beautiful!

See what success can be achieved when you try? When you endeavour to love the one you're with and make yourself worth loving in return?

Better that than chucking 'em at the first sign of trouble.

Ma and Pa is such an irrevocable union even the despair of losing their only child failed to tear 'em asunder, and that'd defeat many, but not this husband and wife.

Be grateful, for it means all is not in vain.

It doesn't have to be misery and pain: love can last despite the pressure of a wretched, hollow culture bent on self-destruction. Your ship might just succeed too.

God bless 'em for keeping the magic alive!

...

Why do I have the presentiment that I'm going to regret encouraging support?

#maandpashipping #team rocket #ma james #pa james #ma and pa james #james #jessie #james's mom #james's dad #james's parents #rocketshipping #kanto #holy matrimony!

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spacegaywritings · 4 years

Text

Communication of Silence - Chapter 10

Sorry for the late update. The next chap is safe but the one after might have a delay. I will update you. The current situation is causing me a lot of work and issues, so it is struggle time.

Everyone be safe and treat yourself and others with kindness♥

ao3 link! story under the cut.

The door leaned into its frame and lazily stuck around.

Dee leaned down to give Virgil’s forehead one last kiss.

“Be safe. Drive, like, slow or whatever... d-don’t get hurt, okay?”

She laughed.

She was even more beautiful whenever she laughed.

“I will be safe and sound. And you will be too. You will go to therapy tomorrow or on Tuesday - otherwise I will cancel.”

Virgil commented with a scoff and significant eyeroll.

“Who are you? My sibling?”

Dee’s deer brown eyes gained another layer of depth and the emo could not help but sigh in defeat. He could feel her

“Good night, my love. Take care of Patton.”

Virgil stepped back to support the door in being so close to home and so far from the beauty leaving their proximity.

“Good night, Dee. Love you. I know.. I will.”

She smiled at him and disappeared down the staircase, hat covering her head and coat making sure that not too much of her handsome self would be unleashed onto this world all at once.

He went back inside and told Patton goodnight.

Just thinking about the ginger made Virgil hurt inside.

This while weekend had been a whole mess of ups and downs.

Not eating again, passing out on physical exercise and seeing his precious rat and older sibling again.

And having Dee meet the others just felt like the weirdest blur ever.

All in all, it felt.. not that bad.

Well, that was for hid diary to decide.

He just had to sit down and list all the happy things he had done today and how much he liked. His pages would soak it up and he could make a recap of the week.

In a few days, he would be old enough to drink alcohol, legally.

It was wild.

Just last year, his life was in shatters and he had tried putting it back together and now he was in a rather stable home and he had a person who respected him and family and friends and even a place where he could study.

Life really did get better.. somehow..

That was nice to know.

He smiled when he got back into his and Logan’s shared room.

“That was certainly something, today”

Logan greeted him with a voice, more neutral than Switzerland. Even his face looked absolutely untouched, for a sculptor to be sculpted.

The emo cleared his throat and trotted over to his mattress, losing more and more clothing as he progressed.

He was comfortable with taking his jacket off around Logan - or his hoodie in that case.

The hoodie landed on the mattress first and Virgil groaned as he simply threw himself onto the mattress, shirt coming off and pants half-way following as he lazily wiggled around.

His legs’ movement slowly died down and he commented on it with yet another groan.

“If you mean something, as in a fuckton of bullshit and feelings, then yeah - you are right.”

His words came out like spit. It was sudden, forceful and in front of a certain amount of emotions.

A sigh escaped his lips and Logan turned to him, glancing over his roommate’s laying form.

There was something about Virgil in only shorts.

Logan could see colourful as much as black ink .

When Virgil drew his hand through his hair, he blinked.

“Another tattoo? I did not see this one before.”

The emo curled up and pulled at the clothed he had just shed, forming a little pile of them.

“Yeah, uh... I ..um”, he started but broke off.

The words were too stubborn to work for him so he simply swung his body back into a sitting position and let his right arm stretch over the edge of Logan’s bed.

“There you go. If you wanted to see it. I got it this weekend so you could not have seen it before..”, he trailed off and looked at Logan who was adjusting his chair to face Virgil’s body.

He could look at the other without twisting his back in any awkward way, now.

He could see an arrow, several symbols and words connected by strings and colours.

It mostly looked monochromatic but the emphasis was made with certain accents of different shades of colour from the rainbow.

Enticing.

Logan did enjoy examining tattoos. He found the patterns to be calming and it was fascinating to see what kind of decoration people paid to embed in their skin.

The meanings.. oh, they were also a good point - considering someone had a deeper motivation behind getting certain motifs.

“May I ask what this.. foil is?”

Indeed, as Logan pointed it out, there was some sort of invisible foil strapped over the new design.

“Ah, yeah. They give you that as protection for the tattoo. It is so the open wound created can, like, heal up without anything getting into it. Others might just instruct you to put some stuff onto it every time the skin is dry. Like, they give you special tattoo lotion that is sort of anti-bacterial or whatever. But with this weird foil uh.. or whatever you wanna call it, you just leave it on and then moisturise three times a day. You keep it on for.. two weeks, I think. Yeah, I think it was one or two. “

Virgil blinked.

“I forgot but I put a reminder in my phone so I will not miss it. I just keep forgetting these kidna things, every now and then.”

He shrugged.

Logan nodded.

The invisible patch reminded him of water-proof band-aids. Considering the looks of it, they probably served as something like this.

He had never known about any of these techniques.

Virgil smiled at the nerd.

His lips hung a bit low despite being curled like a melon slice.

“Why did you .. I mean, why do you get all these tattoos? Do they mean anything to you or is it just for the aesthetics?”

The other snorted and leaned back onto his bed.

“You are funny Logan. You really are.”

His voice seemed to purr and his words were dancing into Logan’s ears. Sounds were swinging and the fierce smile of his friend was sensually sprawling over the elder student’s vision.

He cleared his throat.

“Anyway, this is some kinda sibling bullshit thing. I have been meaning to do that for a while already and finally got to it.”

Virgil looked down at his arm and played with his dirty laundry.

Just... pushing at his hoodie.

Hey, that one was actually good to wear again at least one or two more times. Hoodies were so hard on catching smells that he loved them even more.

They were the kind of low maintenance clothing he needed in his life.

“I only recently finished the sketch for it so my sibling went ahead and got it this weekend. I got it the day after so we could go and be there for one another..”, he licked his lips, “you know, sibling shit and all. I kinda fell asleep when I got mine. The vibrations are sort of relaxing and the sound is soothing.”

Logan chuckled.

“I never heard of that.”

The other got up and put on his hoodie again, no shirt for underneath. His boxers got changed and he put his dirty laundry into the nearby basket.

“Hey Virgil?”

A hum could be heard.

The man was fishing inside of his sleepover bag and eventually got out a book.

“Do you sleep enough?”

The words fell onto the ground like a judge’s gavel hitting the desk.

“uh... where did that come from?”

He laid down but made sure to glance over at Logan.

All he could see was his back since the other was sitting at his desk, writing away as if he was not just starting up some conversation between them with this particularly hot topic.

“Where did that evasion come from?”

Oof.

Gotcha.

“I swear to the stars, Logan, you are a treat.”

Virgil chuckled and the IT student put his pen aside.

“You are awake, no matter when I wake up. You fall asleep in weird places, at odd times. I saw you doze off at work - now even at a tattoo parlor when enduring pain? You stated looking paler and more stressed these days and even your eye rings appear to be much darker than I observed before. Therefore, I concluded you might lack sleep.”

Virgil scoffed at him but did not dare deny his words.

It was true.. not that it was that hard to make out just how sleep-deprived he was but Logan really hit the nail.

“However, you seem more refreshed when you visited your friends or your sibling. I assume you sleep together?”

Virgil started scribbling into his stupid diary update therapy shit book thing.

Nerdy, yeah..

Still, it kinda helped him so he did not complain. He actually kinda dug the book and enjoyed writing into it.

It was empowering to see the good happening in his life or just writing down some shit he felt bad about so he could find out how and why he was more anxious in certain times.

He hummed.

“I uh.. don’t take it personal but.. I just can’t relax here. I .. I am.. It is not because of you.”

Fuck, he sounded like some cliche guy breaking up with someone.

“Uh, I mean.. This is my problem. I am just stupidly anxio- I mean.. I am anxious a lot and it is hard to sleep and shit but it is okay.”

He bit his lips.

...self-deprecation was high again.. He put a 6 on his one to ten scale.

“It happens or whatever. It is not like I am the only person to ever have sleeping problems or whatever.”

His shoulders shrugged.

Meanwhile, Logan noted down Virgil’s response.

“Fellow lover of Bunny Smashskull, would you fancy sleeping in the bed with me?”

Virgil’s mind stopped for a moment.

Tha..there was more than a bit of information packed into this short sentence.

He.. uh..

“I- what?”

He blinked and Logan opened his mouth again to start speaking but Virgil rose his hand, eyes hardening.

“What do you mean with that sleep thing?”

His whole body seemed to resemble a cat arching its back. If he had a tail, it would be all fluffy and big, every hair on his body would probably stand up like crazy.

Logan’s brows furrowed together.

He had expected his friend to reacted with a bit more confusion and less... whatever this was. But his words suggested that if Logan did not take careful steps, he would make his friend leave.

He already sounded as if he was halfway out of the door.

Virgil had a place he had never mentioned before... now that he thought about it, it felt as if he had stopped talking about himself at all ever since he had moved in. Safe for some moments, they had barely talked at all because he was just staying away a lot.

Was Virgil avoiding him?

“Virgil, not sleeping is very unhealthy and while I am not your caretaker, I am your friend. As a friend I am expressing my concern for your health as a lack of can increase the risk of many diseases and illnesses to break out - mental and physical ones alike. I noticed you falling asleep with me on the couch despite the amount of people around us, so I suspected that bodily warmth next to you might be beneficial for your sleeping cycle.”

The emo looked at the nerd, his shoulders immediately dropping to a regular position. The cat fur was smooth and nice again.

He looked so small and tired.

Not once have the dark circles looked as miserable as during this moment.

“You are.. worried?”

The words came out in a rather silent whisper. The short sentence was once step before the other in a house with loud and squeaky wood planks when you were awake at night and needed a snack but did not want to wake up your relatives.

The emphasis on the last word made Logan question whether Virgil doubted him that much or rather his own worth.

Both sounded bad.

“Of course I am worried. Again, I am your friend and I want you to be well - as much as you can be. If sleeping together in a bed is out of your comfort zone, I would agree to you letting your friends sleep over if you keep it to a reasonable volume.”

Virgil’s eyes blinked rapidly.

Logan fucking hated people in his space. When Patton as much as nudged the open door further open, the student of computer sciences would get all cranky.

Well, okay maybe he did not hate people but he did value his personal space and he took it very serious.

Once Roman wanted to put his part of the laundry into Logan’s room and loudly announced at as he did so and Logan immediately rushed over and gave the other a more than hefty talk on respecting his boundaries, commenting on how he could have just dropped it in front of his room’s door.

He had said much more than that and Roman had eventually backed away and muttered something under his breath.

Those things made Virgil wonder how and why Logan of all people lived with a person such as Roman but...

His face turned sour again and his chest hurt.

He let out a whine but quickly formed it into a groan.

“Ugh, whatever. We can sleep together and test your hypotheses or whatever, nerd. If that lets you leave me alone”

His lips pulled into the top corner of one side.

Logan knew he did that in instances when Virgil did not feel upset at all. It was more an action of deliberation or rather uplifting feelings.

He needed to observe it further but he had found a connection between Virgil’s feelings and his lips pulling into a downward curve.

“You would help me with my science project?”

The words tickled Virgil’s nose and he had to smile away the weird feeling in his stomach.

“Yeah, because we are friends and shit. Like, I care about you and stuff. But just because I had fucking biscuits and they gave me a really good mood.”

Logan snickered and turned his attention back to his writing for a bit. It did not last for too long despite Virgil continuing his scribbles and whatnot himself. Eventually, the smaller student put his pen aside and closed his notebook.

“Wait a moment. You fucking know Bunny Smashskull? I am awake, this is not a dream and you asked me about the band, right?”

He sat up properly and put his notebook aside.

For now, his thoughts were too wild to focus again. His fight or flight reflexes had taken over too much of his logical reasoning once more.

Logan was still writing, from as much as Virgil could judge.

Really, he could just see his back so there was not too much telling but his arm seemed to flinch a bit every now and then.

“Log you fucking nerd, answer the question -”

A smug smile stole itself onto his lips and he got up from his mattress to sit on the one-time-their bed. His notebook was cradled in his lap, just in case.

The roommate shrugged.

“So what if I did?”

Virgil inhaled audibly.

“Shut up, you do not - “, he started but paused mid-sentence, words stuck in his mind as he realised what he had said and heard so far. His voice dropped from a grand revelation in announcement volume to a low one in the regular fashion of discussing a secret between thieves.

“Holy shit, you do!”

Logan back flexed but he did not speak.

Instead, he kept writing slowly, neatly for a bit longer.

Virgil was tempted to walk over and look at his notes.. or to just put his hands on his shoulders and annoy him a bit but he did not know what Logan was writing.

He did not really want to know, really. Curiosity wanted to know for the sake of finding out whatever he did not know.

“Log, fucking talk to me and talk to my face, you hear me? This is wild! I never took you for the type to rock it.”

The nerd slowly turned around.

“You never took me for the type? Very well, I was aware of my ability to hide away my interests but I did not expect myself to be that good.”

He was tugging at his shirt as if to adjust a bowtie or a necktie. Something fancy and serious like the stuff people in suit would wear.

Come to think of it, Dee did this every now and then.

Virgil leaned in.

It was time to bond and shit.

“Your secret is safe with me, log. I promise.”

Virgil shifted on the bed and patted a spot next to him.

His friend took the hint and put his notebooks (multiple notebooks, alright, nerdy nerd) to their respective places.

And Logan damn made sure to took his sweet sweet time with it.

“What’s your favourite song?”, he whisper-screamed to his friend.

Their shoulders were touching and Virgil felt fuzzy in his mind.

He giggled.

This felt like a silly sleepover already and it seemed funny to him.

Logan smiled and pulled his phone out.

“My favourite songs is “Laws and bones break better than hearts” but I am biased”, he tapped a few icons on his phone and handed it over to Virgil for him to see a younger version of Logan.

The younger one was still absurdly tall, still smaller than Patton - younger Patton - who was next to him. They were wearing black shirts with the band logo in front of it.

A crowd of people was behind them and Logan’s cheeks were red from heat and sweat but he was smiling and he looked breathless.

Breathtaking, even.

“You are biased because you went to a concert, you fucking traitor!”, Virgil exclaimed and nudged Logan’s side, “Can I swipe?”

Logan agreed and he continued to go through the collection of pictures.

Hair disheveled and shirt too big, he was pressed against Patton and smiling into the camera.

He barely got to see Logan so off-guard but it was.. refreshing.

It was much nicer than seeing him wear ties at work and keep going through flashcards before lessons so he could make a better impression or whatever.

He barely knew Logan’s lips could do something as ambitious as smile so brightly.

“You look really happy, Log..”

He had reached the end of pictures.

It was Logan just hugging Patton close.

“I got the tickets back there”, he explained as he took his phone back, “Patton knows nothing about any bands I like nor does he understand how I enjoy this sort of music. He just went ahead and asked random online strangers about which bands to recommend because he wanted to make my 18th birthday really special.”

Logan’s lips formed the same alluring smile.

It was softer than feathers and lighter than wings.

He really seemed like a divine creature with his face smiling like that.

“Looks like he got that right. I am in groups a lot and it is not that uncommon for people to ask for advice on new songs and artists but seeing a completely clueless person just join for a friend? That is wild. But it does sound like a thing Patton would do.”

Virgil leaned back, his arms crossing behind the back of his head. He folded his hands over one another in his neck.

“You giants are too friendly. Can’t relate.”

His smirk was teasing.

Logan got up and got the shirt.

“I will sleep in this. I want to sleep in it.”

Virgil chuckled.

“You’re the boss, Log. I am not gonna fight you over a night shirt.”

The nerd changed into his band merchandise and Virgil moved over to lay on his side and finish his journaling thing.

“Diary?”

He shook his head.

The bed dipped next to him and the blanket started moving.

Virgil grunted back at the movement but a few more tugs had him move over so the blanket could be on top of them rather than on the bed only.

“Journal thing for therapy. Sucks but it is also kinda helpful so I am trying to stick to it ‘n all.”

He shrugged.

“My favourite song is “poison”, by the way. Fucking underrated.”

Logan laid down next to him and put his glasses aside.

“It is a good song indeed”

Virgil hummed.

“ m done”

He dropped pen and book onto his mattress.

“uh.. let us try this.. this sleep thingy and all. Can’t go wrong, right?”

His shoulders shrugged and he slid under the blanket with his friend. The smaller figure felt like a plank himself.

Virgil flinched and got up as soon as his whole body was in a sleeping position.

“Fuck!”, he hissed and toppled after his notebook, “the light. Log, we are fucking stupid in the chilis tonight.”

Logan huffed.

“It is too late for memes, Virgil.”

Virgil walked around to shut the light and slowly stumbled back to bed.

“You can pull memes from my cold, dead hands, pocket protector. It is always meme time but night time is even more intense meme time.”

“But to be fair, at least because of me you know that this is a meme”

The blanket rustled from Logan’s body vibrating in his quiet chuckles.

“You sending me confusing pictures and sentences during working hours is not educational.”

Virgil settled in bed and curled up.

“But I might have learned from it anyway, Virg.”

It was his turn to chuckle and the emo made sure to get comfortable with his pillow from the mattress quickly being moved up to assist him.

And his blanket.

He still shared the blanket Logan was using but the more blanket, the better. Sleepy time was the perfect time to be warm and comfortable after all.

They laid still for a bit. It was quiet and sleepy.

Outside, Roman could be heard. He was talking, probably to Patton but it was too far away to make out any words at all.

It was just Roman-ish noises.

Roman was probably offended about something at work and needed to harass Patton about it even though that man was busy too and had worries too. Oh dear fuck, he really did.

Virgil wanted to just walk out and pull Patton into the happy slumber bed with him and Logan instead of letting him subject himself to Roman’s offended princey noises.

Ugh...

But it was like nine in the evening and Patton would work on his study stuff before actually going to sleep. And Roman would just fuss around.

...It was already special enough Logan allowed Virgil to sleep in his bed after all they had talked about, after all he had been through.

For some reason, he felt a bit ashamed to be in the same bed with him, to intrude so much but he quickly banished the thought.

Logan did not force himself to let Virgil into his bed. He had asked him and he was being upright about it and had napped with him before, on the same day even so.

“Virgil?”

The emo shifted a bit, his movements intentionally slow and uncoordinated.

He might not have been the best actor in the world but he knew how to pretend being asleep or waking up jut then and there. Years of training had taught him well.

Sometimes, experience was a much better teacher than getting a license and some degree.

“mhm..?”

His sounds were haphazard and sounded just silent, muffled and hidden enough to mimic the innocence of a person who was slowly detaching from the promising and sweet dreams of their mighty sleep.

“Do you hate it here?”

Virgil shifted more to the edge.

If he had to leap, he would.

“What do you mean? I thought you wanted to sleep, not start a conversation.”

He heard someone clear his throat.

Outside of their room, Roman was laughing and Virgil flinched.

A shiver ran down his spine. He pressed his eyes closed and held onto his sleeves.

“You are not sleeping, let me talk to you.”

He sat up and put on the lamp on the nearby nightstand.

Only Logan was enough of a person to have a night light with fancy nice light that did not hurt the tired eyes too much.

Coloured light was the only valid thing to ever exist for waking one up in the middle of the night.

Virgil scoffed but followed his friend’s lead to sit up and whatnot.

Leaning against the wall behind him, he rubbed his eyes.

“ugh, whatever”, he mumbled and tugged the blanket closer around him. Even then, he did not stop tugging and nudging the ends of it with his fidgety fingers, “what do you want, Log?”

He sounded as if on trial for murdering a man and his hands were still pushing the murder weapon from one bloodied hand to the other.

Logan meekly watched him, without glasses and only a bare minimum of light, it was difficult to make out what Virgil was doing or what he looked like.

“Okay, okay. You go give me the talk, teach. What did I do?”

The smaller student’s hand was hanging low and his fingers were fidgeting still as they resided in his lap.

Logan swallowed dry before he decided to answer.

“You did not do anything, Virgil, please do not take my worries or my curiosity as offence. I was just wondering why you were so uncomfortable here.”

The words easily made their way out of Logan’s mouth but for Virgil, they were less like releasing feathers to the wind and just watching them flow. It was pushing the big and heavy rock up the hill instead of Sisyphus and the chore was bound to never stop.

The shivers gave him goosebumps so bad he pulled his knees to his chest to preserve body warmth.

“Who said I am?”

Virgil was the still holding onto the metaphorical knife but it was so much easier to keep telling himself it was not him as he nodded his head as if to shake off the truth.

If he just denied the reality hard enough, maybe he could do it.

“Virgil, please. It is obvious. Do you want me to point out every moment you made it clear you dislike being here? Only today you gave me so many pieces of evidence.”

The friend exhaled.

His breath was a bit rocky.

Logan’s words truly had a punching effect on him.

“If I say it, will you let me promise me to let it go and just move on already?”

Virgil glared at him, eyes barely focusing on the man before him.

Even with the near-complete darkness they were in, Virgil could see Logan through his heavy bangs shielding his vulnerable face from the knowledgeable judge that was his nerdy friend.

“If you are saying the truth, I might.”

He scoffed.

“I fucking hate you.”

His words sounded less bitter, more desperate and weak. Almost like a plead.

They were asking him not to press further on it.

“It is him. Now good-fucking-night, Logan.”

With that, Virgil turned around and plugged in earbuds so he could listen to something that was not Logan.

The nerd gave up and fulfilled his side of the promise.

It was not as if he had not expected that answer.

...He just had not expected Virgil to get so upset over it..

The IT student called it and shut the lamp.

Despite the warmth in the bed and another person in it, he felt horribly lonely.

It took him ages to fall asleep.

Figuratively.

#ts analogical #virgil sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #anxceit #fanfiction #fanfic #fanficion #ts fanfic #ts fanfiction

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thechildoflightning · 5 years

Text

Optical Phenomena

Title: Optical Phenomena

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: Background LAMP/CALM

part of the jksf verse

Summary:

The point was Roman was gay. And he knew that. He had known that since he was a child.

Which was why at thirty years old he was struggling so hard with his identity.

Because Roman knew he was gay, it had never been a question. But he wasn’t sure if he was a boy.

Warnings: Gender Dysphoria

[ao3 link]

Optical Phenomena

Roman was gay.

He knew that from the moment his tiny brain could comprehend contemplating even somewhat complex thoughts. It just was. Roman didn't even remembering considering if the word fit or if he liked boys. He just knew. He was gay.

As he grew older he wondered if coming out had been so simple to him because of the fact that he had two dads. Eventually, he had come to the conclusion that it was probably partially why, but not completely. Having two dads was his normal. But he knew that for almost every other kid, it wasn't normal. His dads gave him an opportunity to be who he was at home, but he didn’t always have the same freedom outside of it. Biggest case in point- moving from California to Utah.

Roman was around straight adults just as he was around gay adults. So maybe it influenced the fact that he knew he was gay at such a young age but maybe it didn’t. Who really knew?

The point was Roman was gay. And he knew that. He had known that since he was a child.

Which was why at thirty years old he was struggling so hard with his identity.

Because Roman knew he was gay, it had never been a question. But he wasn’t sure if he was a boy.

It was kind of ironic really, because looking back on it he never really felt like a boy. As a child who knew he was gay and was raise by parents who weren’t straight themselves, he knew that the default mode of cishet wasn’t really that accurate.

So to not have realized by now was genuinely ironic to him.

Plus, one of his partners was trans. He had seen Patton go through much of this process. Patton had top surgery before they had ever met, but Roman had seen him inject himself with hormones, he’d seen Patton struggle with dysphoria, he’d seen the chest scars slowly fade. He’d seen Patton debate about bottom surgery.

His sister was trans. If he had seen a good portion of Patton’s transition, he had seen even more of Esther’s. He had seen her cry when her body felt wrong. Had her express her bittersweetness when people pointed out her identicalness to her twin, Kenny. He knew how she had struggled to want to be connected to her twin but not look quite like him because ‘male’ didn’t fit her. He had helped her learn how to tuck; he had literally practiced on himself to make sure she was doing it safely and correctly.

Bismillah, how hadn’t he realized.

Roman, contrary to popular belief, was not oblivious and uneducated. He knew what trans was. He just didn’t ever realize it could apply to him.

Did it apply to him?

That hit him much in the same way being gay did. It sort of just happened. There was no deep internet search. No person to introduce the concept to him. No epic realization.

One day, Roman just woke up and realized ‘I’m not a boy.’

There was no grand theatrics, which coming from Roman, was surprising. But Roman had never been one for grand theatrics surrounding his identity. He just was. He had always just been.

And he wasn’t a boy.

He could look at the history. He could dig up the history of gender dysphoria and euphoria. He could attempt to pinpoint the moments that proved it. He could search for ‘hey that moment fourteen years ago when that person didn’t realize I was a boy? That felt nice.’ He could reach deep into his memories to find inner battles of expectations of male behavior that had bothered him- not even due to the behavior itself but more because the term ‘male’ that preceded it.

But that wasn’t the point, because Roman didn’t need proof. He wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. Being trans was an identity for himself, given to himself. No one else could decide that for him.

But was he trans? Did he identify that way? What did it mean? And more importantly, what did it mean to him?

Roman wasn’t a boy.

Which then immediately led to the follow up question ‘well then what am I?’

Because he knew he wasn’t a girl either, that wasn’t a question.

So non-binary then? Trans and non-binary? Genderfluid? Bigender? Agender? Demi-girl, boy, gender?

Therein lied the question.

And for the first time in his life, Roman questioned his identity. The very concept made him uncomfortable. He had never had to question his identity before and always knew he was. He didn’t like question himself.

So almost as immediately as he had started, he decided he was done questioning.

Because he didn’t really want to question his identity. He didn’t need a perfect phrase to fit him. He could understand that some people did. But that wasn’t him. That had never been him.

Roman was the kid who knew who he was.

Of course, he found himself questioning things about himself on more than one occasion. But it always was subtle things, like what color nail polish did he want to wear that week. Or which role he wanted to try out for the school play. Roman had never, not once questioned his identity. He just didn’t always realize what parts of it were.

So Roman settled on what he knew.

He was gay.

That was first and foremost, and wasn’t going to change. Because Roman might not be exactly a boy. But the term gay was his label. A label he had worn for years and felt comfortable with. And some people’s labels changed overtime. And that was okay. But that wasn’t Roman.

He wasn’t a boy.

Second, and more recent, causing him to pause and consider the implications of what that meant. Because being labeled as a boy, or man, or male felt wrong. But so did being a girl. Roman didn’t into the binary.

Which lead him to his next conclusion, one that had been a long time coming.

He was genderqueer.

Genderqueer sat right with him. It was vague enough that Roman dodn’t have to slice and dice who he was. Specific identities made others comfortable. But Roman didn’t need that. He liked the idea of a broad term that fully encompassed who he was. None of the other labels fit that for him. Genderqueer did.

Other people might decide that made him non-binary, or trans, or whatever. Other people who felt the same way as he did might identify differently than he did. That was perfectly valid and acceptable as well.

But honestly? Roman didn’t care about all that. If those were the labels that seemed to fit best and made other people happy, then that was fine by him. But Roman had never been fond of constricting labels.

Labels provided Roman with structure, but he didn’t want to build them enough to have them box in him in. Roman didn’t want anything more specific than “not exactly in the boy category.” And genderqueer fit that for him.

He used he/him pronouns.

That had been around longer than even the gay bit. The words and terminology had surrounded him for life.

He knew he could change them anytime he liked. After all, he had seen his sister go through that very change. He’d seen friends, families, enemies go through that change. He had seen Patton misgendered.

In addition, Roman himself was an actor, he’d play whatever part came up, no matter the supposed gender. To him, pronouns were just a terminology. Terminology that was to be respected. And for some that terminology was a vital part of their identity.

Personally, Roman didn’t really care for it. So he would continue to use he/him pronouns. Not male pronouns though, because he wasn’t male. Just he/him.

He would not be using gendered language to refer to himself.

This was the newest piece of knowledge he had granted himself with, and he was quite happy with it. Because to Roman, pronouns were just a phrase, unimportant and insignificant. But gendered language? Now that was a classifier. That restricted Roman, put him in a box.

Many people liked boxes, especially when they were able to choose them for themselves. They provide comfort and stability, a way to determine themselves and find similarities in others. But Roman was not a box person. Therefore, he would not be using anymore gendered language for himself.

He was gay. He wasn’t a boy. He was genderqueer. He used he/him pronouns. He didn’t use gendered language.

Those were the five things he knew. Now it was time to implement the knowledge.

This meant coming out, something that Roman had never done in his life. He didn’t see why now had to be any different. So he didn’t. Come out that is.

“Person,” Roman corrected gently when Logan mentioned something about him being a man.

“Spouse or partner,” he said another time when hearing Patton refer to him as his husband.

“Sibling,” he cut in when Virgil mentioned that he seemed like a good older brother.

And that was it. A few nudges at home and is husbands had completely switched over.

There was even a short time when it went too far and they started questionably placing in different pronouns, doing their absolute best to be supportive with limited information.

“She?” Virgil once wavered in conversation. Roman shook his head.

“He,” he replied.

“My spouse, uh- they?” Logan tried.

“He,” Roman was quick to confirm.

“Let me check with Roman, h-” Patton cut himself off, turning to look at Roman.

“He,” Roman confirmed.

It wasn’t an overnight switch, but they all caught on quickly. And Roman never came out.

Work took a bit longer, and he wasn’t quite sure he ever would get everyone switched over consistently. Luckily, the term director was gender neutral, so the main term used to refer to Roman didn’t need to be changed. Plus, he had Deceit on his side to support his transition.

The last people to be informed were his family. For some people, that could be the scariest part. The idea of rejection from people who were supposed to love you unconditionally was a building fear in many. Roman considered himself privileged to have avoided that fear. But they were still last to know.

He hadn’t avoided telling his family at all, things had just gotten busy and he in all honesty forgotten to tell them. He only really remembered when he heard his sister wavering on terminology for him, probably hearing something somewhere down the grapevine from one of his husbands. His solution for them was memes, again, with no explanation. Within a week they had grasped the concept and his new identity.

And that was it.

A coming out that wasn’t every really a coming out.

The next pride they went to, he wore not only the rainbow, but the green white and purple of the Genderqueer flag. Because that’s what fit.

He may never have had this amazing story of coming out. No story about how he was accepted unconditionally or rejected completely when he uttered those words. No story of practicing what he was going to say in the mirror. No story of blurting it out in the heat of the moment. No story of sliding a slip of paper across the table with words.

Roman didn’t do that.

Coming out happened in billions of different ways, and most people tell it with a story, a story of whenever they first uttered the words to others. Or maybe a story of when they first admitted it to themselves.

Roman’s story had never been that. It had never been a turning point in his life or a big deal.

He just was.

That was enough for him.

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