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Dirk sidled along the wall, katana in hand. This was it. This was going to be the day he kissed Jake. He was going to make damn sure of it.

Well…maybe he should rethink this. Was the katana really necessary?

Probably not.

Still, his grip tightened on the sword. Even if it was pointless, he had a MISSION to carry out, and it was too late to turn back now. He could hear Jake in the room adjacent to him, polishing his guns, just around the corner. Dirk edged closer and closer to the doorway, katana ready. The moment before he reached the opening, he froze. He felt something cold and hard across the back of his neck. A click resounded through the pistol and reverberated through Dirk’s skull. He knew he was caught. Guiltily he turned around to face Jake, who was joyously laughing, thinking Dirk was just attempting a bit of platonic tomfoolery.

“Dirk, you knew I was preoccupied today!” he said between chuckles. “I don’t have enough time for shenanigans at the moment!”

They both knew this was utter shittery. Jake had nothing important to do. He never had anything important to do. But they both just ignored the fact.

“Well, I assumed having your friend come visit you on your island in the middle of godawful nowhere would be more pleasing to you than what ever asshattery you were previously up to.” replied Dirk, cursing loudly in his mind and staring at the barrel of the gun. “Can you kindly lower your weapon? I dislike having something that could discharge unpleasant projectiles directly in my facial region.”

Jake smiled and returned the pistol to its holster by his side. He was indeed glad to have some company, but hell would personally make him a snowcone before he showed it. Adventures don’t let themselves get excited about just anything.

“So what’s that katana for anywho?” Jake queried, relaxing his guard.

“Coercion,” answered Dirk, calmly raising the sword and pointing it at Jake’s face.

Jake laughed. His friends were oh so funny. “Why, whatever would I need to be coerced into?”

Dirk refused to smile. That was expected.

“Kiss me Jake.” The sword quivered slightly. Dirk was shaking. Unusual.

Jake returned Dirk a half smile. “Well, I can’t very well do that with your blade in my face, can I?”

Dirk slowly lowered his sword. As soon as the sword was by his side, Jake lept forward and pecked him on the lips. He immidiately began celebrating the fact that he had outsmarted his companion. He was sure the request was some idiotic “ironic” joke, but also that Dirk was certainly not expecting him to comply. The second half of Jake’s train of thought was completely right. Dirk fainted promptly on the floor.

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