#his a very vey lonely man...

[starry-night333]

Posting the rest of the story since I forgot to post chapters

Warning:mistreated ghouls, injury from hounds, somewhat graphic description

I was laying on a bunch of blankets that was making the bed more comfortable when I hear two people coming to my cell. I recognize one as phantom but the other was a ghoul like me, only they where fresh water. I set up a bit still hiding in the small blanket nest I made. When they enter I growl at the new comer, my eyes glowing through the small hole in the blankets. “It’s ok, he’s here to help, um, storm, meet rain?” Phantom was trying his best to keep things from getting bad. I shaking the blankets off my long curls getting even more matted and tangled. I stand the best I could being chained to the bed, rain and phantom walk closer to me, rain holding a bucket and phantom holding a bag. “Alright, storm, imma need you to sit down, ok?” Rain says to me, I huff at him and grab phantom to pull him down with me. “Oh- um, I guess I’m also sitting down heh” phantom laughs a bit, rain looks at him with a look of curiosity. After that rain sets the bucket down and pulls a towel out ringing it out a but before handing it to phantom “hold it up to their gills but dont push down to hard, the water needs to get in but not to much at one time.” Rain tells phantom as he grabs another towel. Phantom nods starting to move the towel to my neck, I flinch a bit but my gills flutter a bit to the salty water that reminded me of home. I start to breath through my gills more relaxing a bit, it felt nice and refreshing. Phantom moves to sit behind me holding both wet towels to my gills as rain gets something out. I watch rain carefully now, wondering what he’s doing, I watch as he pulls out a pocket knife and a can. He looks to me before speaking “are you ok with freshwater foods? Or would you rather I look to see if we have any salt water?” He asks me, I only nod my head a bit, I didn’t mind, as long as it was a sea creature. Rain opens the can with the pocket knife, he was very careful as he did so. He sets the can down in front of me, I reach in and grab a small fish out, it wasn’t fresh but it was food. I sniff it, making sure it was still good, then I bite the head off crunching the bones. I felt phantom jump when he hears the bones crunching, rain snickers lightly to his reaction as I eat the rest of the fish. I look over to phantom seeing how he was surprised, “I should have said something, sorry” I spoke softly to him, he calmed down looking at me as if I was something he loved, I didn’t understand why so I just went back to the canned fish snacking away.

It had to have been half a month of being locked in a cell supposedly left to starve and die, Im pretty sure that there was one more person who knew of me being friendly and was working hard on getting me out. This day though, I’ll never forget, it was when everything went down farther then hell. It was early one morning I was having a hard time sleeping that night feeling nervous and lonely. I really missed phantom and wanted to be out in some water having fun. I was snapped out of these thoughts when I heard growling and barking, on top of that yelling and fighting. One voice was a strong Italian accent the other was a woman’s voice, the same one from when I was first summoned. I try to pull the covers over me and hope the blankets over my cell with keep me hidden. I then hear the sound of the cell door opening and starved hounds ready for their breakfast, which was going to be sea food by the sound. I growl under my blankets being scared, the woman lets go of the hounds and I hear the man make a very worried sound. I attempt to lunge out at the hounds to attack but the chain on my leg makes me crash to the ground. I had no Time to recover before a hound jumps on me, I trying to scratch it but its not vey effect by my weak attack. I wasn’t strong at all, but I didn’t want to die, the other hounds jump in biting my legs and arms and chest, anywhere their teeth could get. I was in so much pain, I could smell my own blood making myself light headed. I force my eyes open, seeing blurs moving as one seemed to be attacked. Everything happening around me sounded so distant, I fight to stay awake, feeling everything wanting to fade. I feel the weight on me go away as I sense two familiar ghouls, one I could tell by scent was phantom, I feel him move me to his lap holding me.“St-storm…please…please be alive, storm, please! Stay with me please!” I could hear phantom plead, my body hurt so much I couldn’t move much even if I wanted to act ok. I lean against him as other voices start to ring into my mind as things are fading to a calming black.

“Hey, ant its ok, I promise they will be ok, just let me look at them ok?” Aether asks me, we had gotten them to the infirmary and I didn’t want them to be hurt anymore. I move to a chair close to the bed storm laid on, I would do what I could to help if I knew anything about healing, but for now ive just got to sit down and hope. “Hey bug…I brought you some food, you need to eat something ok?” Mountain walked in holding a small bag with what looked to be my favorite sandwich, I’d usually be happy to have this for lunch but now I couldn’t even think of eating. Storm was maimed and mauled badly, and I was so stressed over if they where ok. I looked to mountain and tried to smile “thanks, but I-I don’t feel like eating right now Mounty” I said and he gave me a look putting the sandwich on a table. “Please bug, eat soon, you need to ok?” Mountain told me, I nodded to him and he left. Hours passed and I had fallen asleep in the chair, Aether woke me up and made me eat something along with trying to send me to my room. “Please ant, go to bed, you need to sleep and not wake up in pain, you have practice tomorrow.” Aether begged me, I just shook my head staying in the chair ive been in for hours “fuck practice! I wanna be here when storm wakes up.” I state with a pout. Aether sighs and thinks for a second, “ok, you can stay but if you do you’ll have to help me with other as well, if you skip practice you can get out of trouble saying you where helping me.” He told me I nodded quickly “alright, will do!”

I woke up in a bed, it was a lot more comfortable then what I had slept in before, plus it was heated. It was very nice, but the lights where very bright and hurt my eyes so much. I groaned loudly in pain between my eyes hurting and the general pain of all my wounds. I heard movement around me and the lights turning off, as I woke up more I could tell it was phantom in the room. I opened my eyes again to look at him and what’s around me. “Storm? How are you feeling? Do I need to get you anything?” Phantom asked me, he sounded tired and like he’s been worried. “Wh-what’s wrong?..” I asked him, He seemed confused for a moment but it hit him “oh, yeah I’m ok, ive been worried about you-“ “why?” I asked him “what?” He was confused, “why where you worried for me?” I said to him. He looked shocked at first thinking, “storm, your the most beautiful ghoul ive ever seen, not just that but the sweetest, and so many more good reasons, your my friend-“ he was cut off from his sweet little motivational by aether “he likes you, dont you ant?” Aether laughed as phantom turned to him “wha- hey! No! N-no I dont- I mean, your very handsome but-“ phantom stuttered out, I laughed lightly at this, honestly It was cute to me. He was so handsome himself, “your handsome to, a-and you’re as cute as the bats you told me about” I said to him. Aether busted out laughing seeing how purple phantom turned, I smiled softly trying to set up. I look at myself before getting up, “ah-ow, mph!” I fell towards phantom, aether was walking over as phantom turned and caught me, “woah! Gotta be careful, your legs where pretty badly attacked there little fishy” aether said trying to check on me. I felt phantom growl when aether got to close for phantoms comfort, aether backed off a bit “hey, watch it Romeo, your Juliet is ok” he joked with phantom earning himself another growl. I giggle a bit propping myself up on phantom, “ant if you want you can take them to the ghoul den but its not very dark in there” aether told phantom, “I dont mind being blind if it means being able to lay on something comfy” I said and I felt phantom instantly pick me up and start walking, I giggle a bit closing my eyes.

“Once we where in the den phantom laid me down on top of himself, I curled up on him finding it comfy. Some others had walked in and teased us but I fell asleep pretty fast so I don’t remember the rest” I said to the kits that where in the den, its now been years since that all happened. I went on tour a few times but it was towards the end of impera era, now I stayed in the abbey looking after the other ghouls kits with phantom. Me and phantom where mates now, he was sat next to me half asleep. “Mister storm, do you ever plan on having kits?” One of the small humans asked, I laughed softly which woke up phantom. “No dear, me and phantom can’t, even if we wanted sadly.” I told the kid, “mh- that’s not truee..” a very sleepy phantom told me. “Oh? Then why haven’t you said anything before? Hm?” I asked messing with him. “I was waiting to find out if you wanted to, plus we needed to get your glasses fixed, now can we go? I wanna take a nap..” He said, I laugh lightly and nod getting up with him and waving goodbye to the littles as a sister walked in.

#nameless ghouls #beginner writer #nameless ghoul oc #the band ghost #phantom ghoul #rain ghoul #aether ghoul #mountain ghoul #swiss ghoul

[ambrial-blog]

Ezra Valentino: The Conquest for the perfect son.

Meet our Hero: Ezra Valentino. A lone wolf raised upon the upper crest.  His parents want a perfect son. but are they willing to sacrifice the vey core of their son?.  

Full Name:   Ezra Valentino.  Nicknames: Cupid Boy,  Quote/Motto:  If I give up now, then I'll become a failure. To my friends, my family, and myself. So I'm never giving up! Never!”  Born:  June, 7th 1998  Age: Fourteen years old.  Location:,  (Minnesota, Urban District ) Designation: Lost Boy, human experiment.  Hair color: Fiery Orange Eye Color: Citrine yellow Main Series: The Detective Archives.  Book: Enter the Black Mumba. Height: 5.1 1/2 inches Fears: Dying Alone, Spiders.  Strengths: :biochemistry, cooking, and reading hieroglyphs. Weaknesses: unable to see in the dark very well, and close hand to hand combat. * Likes: chocolate chip waffles with bacon. Hanging out with blitzo and Drake. strawberry lemonade.  Favorite music: Rock/Country. Favorite Bands, Blues Saraceno,  The White Buffalo . Greg Holden  Dislikes: Striker, someone trying to hurt blitzo, someone trying to hurt drake, and spiders. Personalty:  Witty, curious, noble, and kind. Signifgant other:  none Favorite food: Steak Least favorite food.  Chicken Favorite color:  Light Blue  Favorite animal: Orange/white tabby Cat:  named Klinger. * Status: Active  Family: Apollo Valentino: (Biological father: A handsome  devil with a fiery passionate soul, Icy blue eyes.  He completely disowns his son after his wife's sudden Sucide , one autumn night. He is  married to Morgana-Le-Fey, Sister to  Corbin De-Le-Fey and his beautiful wife. Morgana De Le Fey-Valentino: Sister to Corbin De-Le-Fey, Aunt to Jake De-Le-Fey:  She has short dark hair, auburn eyes. slender build with an angelic face. Mother to Ezra Valentino. Drake Tabious Darling.  (adoptive father/Mentor figure.  Rescues him from Maddox labs. Julius Malphas Darling  (adoptive Uncle,  Drake's older brother, oldest Darling brother) Blitzo Vanitas Kolchak ( adoptive father/ mentor figure.  (who is currently suffering form amnesia thanks to Bastian Tybalt. Derringer Darling: (adoptive uncle, Drake's brother)                                      

Best Friend: Andrew Everheart. Worst Enemy: D.H.O.R.K.S,  Director Bastian Tybalt. Allegiance:  *The Nasty Darlings.  Affirmations  > The Nasty Darlings > Misfits of Misfortune (Founder/leader)  > Articles of the Outcasts  >  D.H.O.R.K.S. Organization > The Rift:  (Unknown) > I.M.P./Homicidal Husbands   (Undercover mission)  > Devlin Chuck/ the Occultist:  

Job Title:  The Founder of  the Misfits of Misfortune :Goals:  to obtain/create  the perfect family/ he is Obessed with finding the perfect family. Skill set :knowledge on biochemistry, Excellent sharp-shooter, Cooking Ezra’s Story: The Conquest for the perfect Son. Part One: Chapter One:  The Conquest for the perfect son. Morgana De-Le Fey and, her gallant knight in shining armor: Apollo Valentino.  Both fell into the occult.  They both  are avid followers of Bastian Tybalt's insidious work.  Apollo and Morgana began track him down through various tabloids. Morgana and Apollo stumble across Blitzo's conglobed past. His hidden affirmations with the secretive organization  known as D.H.O.R.K.S.  And the mystery surrounding the abrupt death of the director's nephew Ephraim Kyles.    They had skimmed across the documents.  The Goat man appearing in one of the many issues of  Articles of the Outcasts.  A few tales of the cryptids, and the haunting tales of  wondering spirits, ghoulish ghosts. impish creatures. and a sudden spike in deaths.  it was unnerving but that didn't stop them from pursuing the director of D.H.O.R.K.S who had promised a swift course of action.

Ever since Ezra was little he was raised upon fables and folklore. Fairytales of impish little creatures. of goat men, Skinwalkers. wendigos, faceless specters,  shadow people. Of gallant knights in shinning armor beautiful princess locked in spindly towers that jutted up out towards the skies and far away kingdoms.  As his parents grew more invested into Bastian's Tybalt's unorthodox  methods.   Ezra became the center of their conversations. he felt removed from his family. his parents started looking at him different: Like he had sprouted another head.  Everything changed when he was nine years old.  His parents began to chastise him. comparing him other children.  It was as if the nine year old hand stumbled into the twilight zone.

The Sudden turn was a frightful one. Alarming the boy even more was how strict his mother had become.  The boy missed his loving parents, and wanted to wake from this living nightmare.  But knew there was no waking from this harsh reality.  Ezra did everything he could think of to appease his parents. He served them breakfast in bed, studied hard. But nothing seemed to be working. anything he did, someone would do better and then he was back to square one.

In their eyes  he never amounted to anything. Their perfect son was a myth.  They would pick him apart.  and the weight that rested upon his shoulder, and the uneasiness that settled into his chest. tormented his mind and became unbearable.  At night he'd cry himself to sleep missing the warmth and comfort of his mother. How she'd once sooth him at night was only now a cold and distant memory.

The final straw that broke the camels back was when they  compared him to Bastian himself.  The successful director of D.H.O.R.K.S. who had a few skeleton's in his closet. He tried, for years to get Ephraim to hand over the  he tried and failed to figure out  a solid reason why he was never good enough for his parents. There were three life altering changes that stuck out like a sore thumb.  Haunting Ezra and molding him into the man he was now.  The first was the day he gave up, losing all hope of pleasing his parents.  it was the day his parents morphed and became parodies of themselves. Becoming mindless followers of the cause and corruption. He refused to call them by their parental titles. instead, he began  addressing them with their God-given names.  his mother acted as if he stabbed her with pointy pike, to the heart and his father would reprimand him with a curt- cutting tone. He couldn't win, he never did. why he continued to try was beyond him. he just knew he had to hang in there a little longer. that one day he'd be rewarded. His punishments were wide ranged, from being locked in the basement, starved. belittled.  but behind closed doors, it worsened. no one saw the bruises on his skin, the dark circles around his eyes. in school, his teachers and coaches barely acknowledged his existence.  he withdrew into himself.  Then came the day,  Morgan and Apollo  invited Bastian  into their quaint little  home in the suburbs.   For a meeting disguised  as a late supper and a discussion about their son.  It was supposed to be adults only. They had fed Ezra earlier on in the day and sent him off to his room. Ezra crept down the winding staircase. Crouching low so that he wasn't seen as he listened into their conversation.  His ear tingled and burned with the low murmur of boisterous voices.   The low baritone of the director's voice reverberated through the room. "My nephew took in a stray off the streets one cold winter night close to Christmas. it was neither a cat, nor dog or any animal I've ever seen before. It was small: a bit malnourished and barely clinging to life. His skin was tinted blue: but held a red crimson hue to it. his eyes were burning brightly with a fever.  it held an impish quality and ordinary isn't the term I'd use for him either he said while sipping his coffee.  He set his mug down and continued his story. "It was but a small imp, in ratty clothing. A child who had lost his parents, It was only because it was season greetings I was able to meet this biblical wonder" "Imagine Ephraim keeping something like this a secret"   "It was a biblical find, and Ephraim wanted nothing to do with me as I proclaimed my intentions. I wanted to disect him at first, see what all the fuss was about. but my nephew wouldn't let me get near him without a solemn vow that I wouldn't hurt the poor boy."  

Naturally, he called me and I came as fast as I could. Ephraim named the poor thing too, and took him wherever he went. he loved that child: to the marrow of his bones. And, upon his untimely death I inherited the child.  "I've spent three years getting to know the scamp, pinning the murderous on nameless agents.  I continued to instill life lessons into him. Strong, hard instrumental lessons. Then I uncovered a secret, to longevity of life. the answers laid within him. everything I needed all wrapped up in a tight little package.  I had poisioned his mind, kept him under thumb for years.  I had other experiments to contend with.  he was treated like he was one of us, had the free range to do anything he wanted.- except to  leave the compound. He was strictly prohibited from leaving Maddox labs.

Then one day, we made the mistake of having the specimen, and the experiment on the same grounds.  Experiment ninety nine. "Miss Kino Sung-Li: a reject sentenced to death. had somehow gotten into his head that their were others like him. "God, If I could've dispatched her then I would've...   "Little by little she'd undue everything I worked so hard for- he started asking questions, started back talking. "Why, Why, Why.  it was when the specimen was seventeen things started to get out of hand.  He was testing us.  he protected that abomination. We nearly had them too.   When Kino took to the skies.  I lost many men that day.  I had no other choice to hunt them down.  it was a man hunt spanning over several years.  in those years  I opened  up a corrections institute in my nephew's name.

I transformed A church cathedral into a mockery of its former self. and its still here in Minnesota" I believe" The director informed. "Did you ever find him? Morgana asks.   Do you think it could help Ezra?" Apollo adds. " It could" the director answers.   "Your son has a bright future,  he has that raw hunger we're looking for. Untapped potential dying to be cultivated and molded into  the perfect son.  if you allow me, I could cultivate that untapped potential into something akin to a super solider. The specimen was found. we had to wrangle him down. he spent months in Maddox labs. subjugated to intense procedures.  he recovered in  Belphegor manor. money is no option and I can be very convincing spoke the director.

"I'll even  extend a private invitation to Maddox labs. Where the experiments reside. And if your lucky you might be able to see the living  specimen. Your son will  be taught precision, manners among others thing. He will be molded and shaped into  your ideal of the perfect son.   "All at little expense to you, in return he will be deployed and used to recapture. A lost experiment. one that I failed to put down many years ago." "But I thought you said you put them both down!"  Ezra's voice barreled  down the stairwell. "Quiet boy! his mother shushed him. a silent rage building in her eyes "I thought we sent you to your room for the night?. she quarried. "Listen to your mother son"" his father's voice spoke up.  his icy blue eyes and firry hair stood as a stark contrast.  to the volatile monster that laid inside. ”Go on, Apollo urged the doctor.  “as you can see we have our hands full with this one, whatever he does, he does wrongly, he is a huge disappointment  but, if you say, that St. Michaels   is where we need to take him, to correct his behavior I’m all in, and who knows we might get the son we’ve always wanted.

But Ezra is right, I’m afraid. Ephraim called him Blitz: I put him  through the exact same trials, I plan on putting your son.  I put something down that night,  something I saw only in my nightmares, it stood over six feet tall, it had hooves and claws.

It was oddly dressed too, like it was part of a circus.  I’ll never forget those burning molten amber eyes: Bastian says with a cool shudder.   He wanted something that night, no- it was more like someone. "I was unwilling to hand him over,  Blitz was the last remnant I had of my nephew" The anguished howl that filled the night still haunts me and I can't be certain he isn't still out their prowling the woodland areas  relentlessly searching for a way inside" " And our boy, will learn how to track these sort of creatures, and nail them!” asks Apollo.  ”It is the first listen we teach, at Saint Michael's  Tybalt reassures.  And, with the right training  he well become, everything you’ve dreamt of him becoming. “Good grades, polite manners and one hell of a marksmen and as soon as I reclaim, my little experiment I will send home to you” It was like they weren't paying attention him anymore, they were hanging off the director's every word.  Ezra grimaced and slunk back up the stairs.

The second incident  was on he didn't like to dwell on.  Ezra recalled the day his mother finally succumbed to her depression. It raining, cold and wet. he had just returned home from school.  the house was ominously quiet. his mother worked from home so he expected her to be in her office. Finishing her novel. she was an established writer and an entrepreneur.   Long ago, she was once his pillar of light: a beckon of home, snuffed out.  She had lost the struggle with her demons.  She wasn't perfect but before Bastian got his talons into her she used to wipe the tears from his eyes.   Ezra peers out, through the window: the rain was coming down in silver sheets. pelting the ground. He closes his eyes and he is once again taken back to the night he lost her.  He might've not been the best son, or even a good one.  but it was those little thing she did to make him smile.  The moment Bastian crept into their lives everything  came to a standstill. The mother he had loved was shrouded in a vail of bitterness. she became self depreciating and  his father blamed Ezra because he was never good enough. Nothing made Morgana happy. She often spoke about slitting her wrists. her heart ached and throbbed. She became Obessed with meeting this biblical wonder.  She told Ezra, that this Blitz would be worth living for if she ever got to meet him. but it was obvious to Ezra that Bastian had no intentions of letting such thing to happen.  Ezra suspected that Blitzo was no longer in his custody and that was one of the reasons why the director was helping out the Valentinos.  

That was the nail in the coffin.  the evening he came home: the house didn't feel the same. it was strange eerily quiet: as if it was a funeral parlor.  He knew something was wrong. he could feel the sudden urgency to run up the winding staircase grip him filling him with awful dread.  and as he was  running up the staircase calling to his mother.. his voice cracking in pain.  deafening silence filled his ears  as he stood  stoically  in the open doorway. his hand flew to his mouth as he tried to stifle a cry.  His legs felt like wet noodles as he fell to his knees gripping his chest, tears spilling from his eyes. She was hanging from the rafters by a noose, her wrists slit and bleeding onto the wooden flooring.   Unpaid bills lay scattered across the floor. Ezra could feel a numbness stir within him as he stared up into her cold dead eyes. "Why, why weren't you good enough!, look what you did" they screamed at him. her glossy eyes staring straight through him. A good son would know what to do, he wouldn't be frozen in fear.  A good son would cut her down and try to breath life back into her body. But he couldn't seem to move.  Instead all he could think was that this was somehow his fault. Ezra stood there for what seemed like hours.

#Hellvua Boss #Character analyses #Ezra Valentino #Backstory #Bio

[acting-madness]

Okay but, ever since I drew that pic of Actor snuggling with that y/n body pillow I cant stop imagining him just...taking that thing everywhere.

Like, the real y/n is off somewhere. Their out of the mirror and are probably hanging out with the egos living their best life and Mark's just so fucking lonely he buys(or manifests) this body pillow and just writes y/n on it with sharpie.

And just- takes it absolutely everywhere. Gotta go bother Dark? Takes the pillow. Wants to reminisce about the good times? Takes the pillow. Has to take a bath? Takes the body pillow...tho he probably wraps it in a plastic sleeve.

Oh and dont get me started on the fact that he probably dresses it up and shit with the various outfits y/n has worn throughout their adventures.

#alliah speaks #actor mark x y/n #actor mark x reader #actor mark #not a ask #not actor mark ask #not ask #not an ask #and dont get me started on the other...less savoury shit he does to it #his a very vey lonely man... #undead actors make do

[animeyanderelover]

Yes I finally got in time. First of all you're amazing in doing all the requests. I really enjoyed reading your works and it just blows my mind how you can do all the requests.

Second, may I request Yandere Tsukiyama Shuu hc with a darling who prefers their room to be cold and dark since temperature and light can trigger major migraine. Thank you 😍😍😍😍

I give it my all for everything I do, even if I don’t feel well🥰.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, clinginess, delusions

Cold and dark

🍷Oh, you poor little dove. Do not worry, he has everything he needs in order to ensure that you won't have to go through migraine. Shuu is pretty rich after all and since literally his whole family and everyone working as servants for them holds a certain attachment to his darling since Shuu loves them beyond belief, everyone makes sure to create a room where they can rest without having to worry about too much light or temperature. Mirumo helps a lot in here since his future-in-law means a lot to him as well and so he wants them to feel comfortable in their new home. He knows his son was a rather cruel man to them before he stepped in and for that he truly owes the s/o a lot more than he might be able to give. But he also knows that by now Shuu feels beyond terrible.

🍷Shuu's father additionally also hires a doctor to check on you and your condition, wanting to know if there are ways to help your condition or at the very least something so you won't suffer from vitamin defiency since you might not be able to stay in the sunlight for too long without suffering from a headache again. So taking medicine that provide you with enough vitamin D is probably not avoidable, but you might already be used to it since you had to take those before.

🍷Shuu still acts theatrical quite a lot. He is majorly upset that his darling has to suffer under such terrible conditions and never fails to make a fuss over it. Why them? He pretty much wants the whole manor to be at one point dim and cold so his s/o can at the vey least move freely around the house without being triggered by too much light or warmth. Everyone else probably agrees since staying nearly the whole time in only one room isolates someone pretty much and that is something no one from them really wants because it affects the mental health. You might already be a very withdrawn person because you're used to only be able to stay in your own dark room which is why Shuu barely leaves your side at all, not wanting you to feel lonely.

🍷He's maybe the slightest bit morose over the fact that he is not able to do some things with you he originally wanted to do. But in the end daylight is not really needed that much, the night is anyways more romantic. So he does take you out very often at night, not in the city though. It's loud, crowded and lights are burning everywhere and that's not good for your health. The fact that he hates having someone doing as much as looking at you of course plays a huge part in it as well, but it probably sounds more convincing for everyone else if he just says taking you to the city would only trigger another migraine.

🍷Talking about things he would do with his darling and the dates he would plan, it'll have to take place at dark and rather chilly nights or inside the by now adjusted manor. Probably the classic (and really sappy) dinner with the moonlight or a few candles as source of light or a short walk around the manor. His father does after all insist that you take a breath of fresh air every once in a while and do something, Mirumo simply does everything he can to keep you physically and mentally healthy, even if that means letting you do something you do not want to do. And Shuu trusts his father with his decisions, he knows Mirumo only wants the best for you.

#yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere shuu #yandere shuu tsukiyama

[northoftheroad]

Dick and Tim – brothers in arms

So I got this ask. And it’s a good thing I got it the first night of my summer vacation, and the weather hasn't been great ;-)

Once I started digging for comics with both Tim and Dick, I found several that I've never read. I got the impression Anonymous would like a complete list, so I just kept going. But this means I don't know if they even interact in some of the books, or if they make "blink and you miss it" guest appearances.

I'm sorry if they, by any chance, was asking for reading recommendations for good Dick and Tim moments and not The Complete List... Looking at the number of comics here that I haven't read/can't remember, I'm not really qualified to answer that. But if I had to try, I would mention:  

A Lonely Place of Dying

The New Titans #65

All issues of Nightwing vol 2 with Robin as a guest star, including Nightwing Annual #1 but excluding Annual # 2.

Showcase '93 #11-12

Knightfall Prodigal

Robin vol 2 #10, (DickRobin and TimRobin!) 175

Young Justice vol 1 #22

Teen Titans vol 3 #6

Bruce Wayne – Murderer and Fugitive

Birds of Prey #19

Batman: Gotham Knights # 8-11, 45

Red Robin #11-14

Batman: Gates of Gotham

That being said. Here is, as far as I can find, every comic where both Dick Grayson and Tim Drake have made an appearance (pre-Flashpoint):

Batman vol 1 #436. By Marv Wolfman, art Pat Broderick and John Beatty.

Batman # 436. (Tim's first appearance, in the circus audience the day Dick's parents were killed.) (1989)

A Lonely Place of Dying. Batman #440-442, New Titans #60-61. (When Tim tries to talk Dick into becoming Robin again but ends up wearing the Robin suit himself to help Batman and Robin.) (1990)

The New Titans #64 (1990)

The New Titans #65. By Marv Wolfman, art Tom Grummet and Al Vey.

The New Titans #65. (Tim turns up at Dick's place to learn what it is to be Batman's partner.) (1990)

Batman vol 1 #455 (1990)

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #1-2 (1992)

Superman: The Man of Steel #20 (1993)

Superman vol 2 #76 (1993)

Batman vol 1 #500 (1993)

New Titans #100 (1993)

Showcase '93 #11-12 (1993)

Justice League of America #70 (1993)

Bloodbath #1-2 (1994)

Batman vol 1 #510 (1994)

Robin vol 2 #0, 8 (1994)

Robin vol 2 #10. By Chuck Dixon, art Tom Grummett and Ray Kryssing.

Robin vol 2 #10 (DickRobin meets TimRobin during Zero Hour. DickRobin is also seen in a panel in Batman vol 1 #511 and Zero Hour: Crisis in Time #4 .) (1994)

Zero Hour: Crisis in Time #1-3 (1994)

Detective Comics #676-677 (1994)

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #29-30 (1994)

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #62 (1994)

Knightfall Prodigal (Dick's first longer stint as Batman. And he takes care of Tim and the Manor on his own!) In Batman #512-514, Batman: Shadow of the Bat #32-34, Robin # 11-13, Detective Comics #679-681. (1994-1995)

Batman vol 1 #515 (1995)

Detective Comics #686 (1995)

Robin vol 2 #23 (1995)

Green Arrow vol 2 #101 (1995)

Contagion (Detective Comics #696, Batman vol 1 #529, Batman: Shadow of the Bat #49, Batman vol 1 #533, Azrael vol 1 #16, Robin vol 2 #28, Catwoman vol 2 #31) (1996)

The Final Night #2-3 (1996)

Robin vol 2 #29, 32-33 (1996)

Catwoman vol 2 #36 (1996)

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #53-54 (1996)

Detective Comics #698-701 (1996)

Marvel versus DC / DC versus Marvel #2 (1996)

Nightwing vol 2 # 6. (Tim and Dick talk and fight crooks.) (1997)

Batman: Bane (1997)

Ningtwing Annual #1. By Devin Grayson, art Greg Land and Bob McLeod.

Nightwing vol 2 Annual #1. (When Dick fake-marries a girl to investigate if she has murdered her previous husbands.) (1997)

Genesis #1 (1997)

Robin vol 2 #47-48 (1997)

Detective Comics #721, 724 (1998)

Nightwing vol 2 # 20. (Part of Cataclysm.) (1998)

Robin vol 2 #53 (1998)

Nightwing vol 2 # 25. (Tim and Dick talk and ride on train roofs. Dick has decided to become a cop.) (1998)

Batman 80-page Giant #1 (1998)

Brotherhood of the fist (Detective Comics #723, Robin vol 2 #55, Nightwing vol 2 # 28, Green Arrow 3 #135) (1998)

Batman: Bane of the Demon #4 (1998)

Batman vol 1 #554, 556, 560 (1998)

Detective Comics #727-729 (1998-1999)

JLA/Titans: Technis Imperative (1998-1999)

DC Universe Holiday Bash #3 (1999)

Batman 80-page Giant #2 (1999)

Young Justice: Secret Files and Origins #1 (1999)

Batman: Day of Judgment (Zombies...) (1999)

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #120 (1999)

Robin vol 2 #71 (1999)

Young Justice vol 1 #7 (1999)

Batman and Superman: World's Finest #10 (2000)

No Man's Land. (Robin vol 2 #67, Batman vol 1 #562, Detective Comics #741, Batman: Shadow of the Bat #95, Batman: Legend of the Dark Knight #120, 126, Azrael: Agent of the Bat #56) (1999-2000)

Detective Comics #741 (2000)

Robin vol 2 #74, 76, 82 (2000)

Superman Y2K #1 (2000)

Batman: Gotham Knights #10. By Devin Grayson, art Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Rober Robinson.

Batman: Gotham Knights #10-11 (2000)

Batman: Outlaws 1-3 (2000)

Young Justice vol 1 #22 (2000)

Birds of Prey vol 1 #19 (2000)

JLA: Secret Files #3 (2000)

The Hunt for Oracle. (Birds of Prey vol 1 #20-22. Nightwing vol 2 #46.) (2000)

Superboy vol 3 #74 (2000)

Young Justice: Sins of Youth #1 (2000)

Young Justice: Sinds of Youth Secret Files # 1 (2000)

Titans #12 (2000)

Green Lantern: Circle of Fire #1 (2000)

Batman: Gotham Knights #1 (2000)

Harley Quinn #6 (2001)

Birds of Prey # 27 (2001)

Catwoman vol 2 #90 (2001)

Young Justice: Our World's at War #1 (2001)

World's Finest: Our World's at War #1 (2001)

Joker: Last Laugh. (The Joker "jokerize" a number of metahuman villains. In the later part, Joker taunts Nightwing with that he has killed Tim, just as he did Jason. Dick loses it and punches Joker to death, but Batman turns up and resuscitates Joker). (2001)

Harley Quinn #11-12 (2001)

Robin vol 2 #86, 95 (2001)

Gods of Gotham. (Wonder Woman #166-167.) (2001)

Wonder Woman vol 2 #175 (2001)

Nightwing vol 2 #63. (The aftermath of Joker: Last Laugh, where Dick is too depressed to work as Nightwing. Robin and Blue Beetle take his place in Blüdhaven this issue, so they don't actually meet.) (2002)

Azrael: Agent of the Bat #94 (2002)

Young Justice vol 1 #40 (2002)

Birds of Prey vol 1 #37. (2002)

Batman/Nightwing: Bloodborne (2002)

Batman: Gotham Knights #26. By Devin Grayson, art Roger Robinson and John Floyd. 

Bruce Wayne: Murderer and Bruce Wayne: Fugitive (Batgirl vol 1 #27, Nightwing #68-69, Batman: Gotham Knight #26, 28, 30, Birds of Prey vol 1 #40, 43, Batman #600, 605.) (Bruce is accused of murder and refuses to defend himself, and eventually escapes and intends to drop the identity of Bruce Wayne. Dick refuses to believe that Bruce can be a murderer and it causes a bit of friction with Tim.)

Batman: Gotham Knights #32-36 (2002-2003)

Batman: Gotham Knights #38, 42, 46 (2003)

Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day # 1-3 (2003)

Detective Comics #782 (2003)

JLA/JSA: Virtue & Vice (2003)

Batman vol 1 #615 (Part of Hush) (2003)

Robin vol 2 #108-110, 118 (2003)

Batman: Family # 6-8 (2003)

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2003)

JLA: Welcome to the Working Week (2003)

Identity Crisis # 1 (2004)

Robin vol 2 #120 (But not really – the issue is about how Tim has been stalking his friends, imagining them as traitors, including Dick.) (2004)

Robin vol 2 #125 (2004)

Teen Titans vol 3 #6. By Geoff Johns, art Mike McKone and Marlo Alquiza.

Teen Titans vol 3 #6 (2004)

Batgirl vol 1 # 46, 50 (2004)

Superman/Batman #5, 13 (2004)

War Games. (Nightwing vol 2 #97-98, Batman vol 1 #631-634, Detective Comics #799, Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #183-184, Gotham Knights #57) (2004)

Detective Comics # 800 (2005)

Teen Titans vol 3 # 21-25 (2005)

Outsiders vol 3 #25 (2005)

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2005)

Nightwing vol 2 # 110. By Devin Grayson, art Phil Hester and Ande Parks.

Nightwing vol 2 #110. (During a period when Dick left the Nightwing identity.) (2005)

Infinite Crisis.  (2005-2006)

Action Comics # 841-843 (2006)

Adventures of Superman #648 (2006)

Nightwing vol 2 Annual # 2. (I honestly don't recommend this, but in the spirit of making a complete list... Tim is visible in two panels, overlapping with Infinite Crisis where Dick almost dies. Otherwise, it's a retelling of the revamped history of Dick and Barbara, including some things that no-one who likes Dick Grayson would agree is in-character.) (2007)

Teen Titans vol 3 #43 (2007)

Gotham: Underground # 1 (2007)

Wonder Woman Annual vol #1 (2007)

Countdown #43 (2007)

52 #30 (2007)

JLA: Classified #34 (2007)

Robin vol 2 #156 (2007)

Shadowpact #10 (2007)

Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime #1 (2007)

Nightwing vol 2 #142. By Peter J Tomasi, penciller Rags Morales.

Freefall (Nightwing vol 2 # 140–146). (One of the very best story arcs of any Nightwing comic. It has gruff Bruce, brotherly bonding, Nightwing and Robin infiltrating an island...) (2008)

Batman: Underground # 6-7 (2008)  

Green Latern vol 4 #25 (2008)

Titans vol 2 #1 (2008)

Robin vol 2 #178 (2008)

Batgirl vol 2 #1 (2008)

The Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul. (Robin vol 2 #169, Nightwing vol 2 #138-139, Detective Comics #839). (2007-2008)

DC Special: Cyborg #2-5 (2008)

Robin vol 2 # 175. (Some fun panels with flashbacks with Dick and Tim.) (2008)

Batman vol 1 #675, 678, 681 (2008)

DC Universe: Lats Will and Testament #1 (2008)

Final Crisis #3 (2008)

Detective Comics #847 (2008)

Batgirl vol 2 # 5-6 (2009)

Superman/Batman #55 (2009)

Detective Comics #850 (2009)

Nightwing vol 2 # 151. (The issue ends with some family time with Dick, Tim and Alfred.) (2009)

Nightwing vol 2 # 153. (Last issue, Dick moves from New York to Gotham and Wayne Manor.) (2009)

Superman #682 (2009)

Teen Titans vol 3 #75 (2009)

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #5 (2009)

Robin vol 2 #181, 183 (2009)

Batman vol 1 #686 (2009)

Battle for the Cowl # 1-3. (Jason intends to become the Batman "Gotham needs". When Tim can't convince Dick to take up the cowl, he dresses up as Batman himself to fight Jason. In the end, Dick defeats Jason – and becomes Batman.) (2009)

Batman: Blackest Night #1-3 (2009)

Red Robin 1 # 1, 4 (2009)

Batman vol 1 #697, 702, 703 (2010)

Batman: Gates of Gotham #13 (2010)

Red Robin # 11-15 (2010)

Superman/Batman #76 (2010)

Teen Titans vol 3 #88-89 (2010)

Batman: Orphans #1-2 (2011)

Birds of Prey vol 2 #10 (2011)

Gotham City Sirens # 22 (2011)

Secret Six vol 3 #36 (2011)

Batman: Gates of Gotham #1-5 (2011)

Batman vol 1 #708-709 (2011)

Detective Comics #872, 874, 877, 880, 881 (2011)

Red Robin # 22, 23, 26 (2011)

I'm going to skip post-Flashpoint because, well, there's hardly anything there. The worst thing with Flashpoint/New 52, in my opinion, was that it destroyed relationships between characters who used to be family, but ended up hardly knowing or even liking each other. :-( 

Detective Comics #975. By James Tynion IV, art Álvaro Martínez and Raúl Fernández. 

The only panel worth mentioning with Dick and Tim is from DC #975. Yes, it's sad – one of the best brotherly relationships in DC turned into dust. Here's to hoping future writers will pick up on their wonderful dynamic at some time.

(The pictures in the header are from: Red Robin #12, Young Justice vol 1 #22, Showcase ‘93 #12, Batman #441, Nightwing vol 2 #6, 25.) 

#Dick Grayson #Tim Drake #Robin #Nightwing #Red Robin #Batman

[blogbyraj]

He is a Grandfather(Still).

It’s been three and half months since he left for an eternal peace. And I miss him. Okay I don’t actually miss him; I miss those memories of him and those moments I have had with him. I won’t say he was the greatest man on the earth but he was the greatest man I have ever known personally. He was a part of my life. But I can’t say without him my life is incomplete. It’s like t-shirt with tiny holes; you know you can wear it but still there are holes.

He was a self-made man. Growing up in a family of a farmer, getting a government job with a very less pay, suffering from paralysis, facing so many fall downs he still managed and give his children the best life any father could ever give. Just because of him today we are whatever we are. It all goes to him. That man stayed away from his family, worked really hard, never spend a rupee on him and devoted everything to his family because he never wanted his children to see the struggle he had seen in life.

He was a wise a man. I still remember once he told me, son you are going to grow up, have a great career and life, become successful, get everything but at what price? Are you willing to pay that price? Would that price be your family? At that time, I was a kid who just stepped into teenage. I couldn’t understand it vey well then. But as of now I know what he actually meant. He meant nothing matters like success, money, fame. There is only one thing that matters that when you come home from work and there is a lovely family waiting for you. Family means everything. It is above everything. And if you won’t have that everything else would be equal to zero. And today not only I know, I understand, I have experienced that everything will be left behind except your family. They will stand with you no matter what. Your friends and other people around you are like kidney, even if you lose one you still have another. But family is like a heart, how will you survive without it? And that’s what I learned from it.

He was a great man. We really loved him so much. When it came to spending money on grandchildren, believe me he was a Rockstar. We just asked for it and he got us. He was rich by his heart.

So, every Sunday he used to read me stories from the newspaper special edition. I could read those at my own but even though I always insisted on hearing them from him. Why? Even I don’t know. It’s been I think almost 10 years since he read me a story but I still remember many of those till this day just because he told me and I really loved it. I have so much to talk about him, so many stories it’s just this place is not enough.

He was a stubborn and brave man. But lions get old too. they get defeated by life. He knew his end was close and he literally told us that he’s going to leave soon to meet the almighty. He suffered in his last days but he never let anyone else get affected by it. He was a lone warrior.

Whenever I look at his picture, it feels like he’s smiling. He has that same charm on his face. One thing I will always regret in my life, I couldn’t be there with him in his last moments. I didn’t say goodbye. He just left us….

In memories of Shree Kevaldas Heeradas Patel(1943-2021)

[mental-health-advice]

Hello there! Thank you so much for your hard work and constant love <3

So I have a question...

Ever since the beginning of the quarantine I've been experiencing a lot of problems related to relationships/sexuality/identity and it's even worse since I struggle with anxiety and depression. The first time was when I started "dating" a guy (but I wasn't actually dating him bc quarantine) and we even get to call eachother boyfriends and stuff, which felt very weird to me but also couldn't say no for some reason. Later, I realized I didn't even like him and I was just with him because I felt lonely. This was a big big BIG red flag for me, and something that made me realize how many things similar to this I had been doing my entire life (not only dating but also with friends and basically my whole personality but that's something I've been working on therapy).

The second time I had a major crisis on my gender identity. It began all of a sudden one night when I questioned myself about my assigned gender for no particular reason and after that I spent like a whole month seriously doubting everything I did/like/thought about anything related to how I perceived myself and stuff (for example I would stress about my clothes, my pronouns, my name, other people's opinions, etc). The thing is that after a month of being almost paranoid about it I came to the conclusion that I was just so worried about it because I literally wanted something that made me different from the rest (friends, family, etc) and I didn't want "to let go of the only thing that would give me their attention" (I mean I know how absurd that sounds but my head is that kind of mess). So fortunately I stopped feeling so anxious about it but well... I was very worried about getting all worked up with something so serious that ended happening for the same reason as the first time (that I just wanted attention).

And this is my third time. I'm going through a lot of anxiety this days because all of a sudden I realised I like women more than what I thought I did (I have always liked/made out with women but only dated/had crushes on men). So now I'm constantly thinking about how would it be to date a woman and how would I like that person to be but I can't stop thinking about my past experiences getting all worked up over something that I'm supposed to know about myself, so now I can't stop thinking if I'm just making this up because I want attention/love/something different or because I really like women that much.

One hint that makes me think I really like women that much is that I have been having a lot of trouble trying to picture myself in a romantic/non romantic relationship with a guy and I just couldn't imagine myself like that with them, but when I start thinking about the same but with women I have no problems and I actually feel very excited about it.

But one hint that makes me think it might be just me wanting attention is that all my experiences with men were literally trash and maybe It's just that I still have unresolved tr*uma and that's why I can't imagine myself with them anymore (and well, obviously, the fact that I'm very anxious and paranoid about something that I'm not supposed to be so anxious about).

I'm very worried about this because this is the third time I get this anxious when I feel lonely and start questioning my whole existence :(

That's pretty much it, I'm sorry if it's too long or hard to understand but I had to explain everything to try to get to the point :(

Anyways I hope you are all safe and thank you very vey much for your help!

Hi there, 

This wasn't hard to understand at all and I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with all of this! I think that with quarantine, a lot of us have had extra time on our hands to think about things that we either ignored or just weren't aware of before, so know that you're not alone in having these realizations throughout quarantine. 

It's great to hear that you've been working on what makes you happy. This seems like a common issue among a lot of people. We're often conditioned to do whatever makes others happy, which we can get kind of lost in over time. It takes a lot of work to realize that you're not doing things for yourself and then actively work on changing that, so kudos to you! I think, in addition to quarantine giving you the time and space to think about your identity, maybe working through doing what makes you happy is allowing you to think more about who you are as a person. I'm thinking about it in terms of you spending a lot of your life doing what makes others happy and now you're giving yourself permission to explore what truly makes you happy and that has led you to question your gender and sexuality. Does that resonate with you at all? 

You mentioned that your gender identity is a crisis you've dealt with and you essentially ended up discovering that you're cisgender, but I wonder if this is actually the case. I don't mean this to sound like I know you better than you do because that's definitely not the case, I just mean that you probably wouldn't have mentioned it in your message to us if it wasn't something that's still weighing on your mind. If that's the case, it's totally okay! Gender is incredibly complex and most people don't figure it out overnight (or in the span of a quarantine). While I can't tell you what your gender is, I can say that most people don't question their (for a lack of a better term) cisness just for attention or to be different. Again, I can't say what your gender is, so this is just something to think about it.

Sexuality is also really complicated, as I'm sure you've figured out by now. It sounds like your dating history hasn't been ideal and I can definitely see why that could make you question whether you've been dating the right gender or not. You're definitely right when you say that this could be an effect the trauma has had on you. On the other hand, I think it's a bit telling that the idea of dating a woman is exciting, whereas the thought of dating a man isn't. Of course, just like with gender, I can't say what exactly this means for you since figuring out your sexuality is a very personal journey. Know that this isn't something you need to have figured out right now either. It's okay to take time to figure out who you are.

Finally, if any of this keeps making you anxious, you might consider bringing it up with your therapist. They may be able to help you process what's going on and figure out how to cope with it. You don't have to go through this tough time on your own. 

Take care!

-Samantha

#gender #sexuality #figuring out gender #figuring out sexuality #relationships #dating #therapy #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mhasamantha #Anonymous

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

2, 5, 20, 22

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project.

Oh man. Tissaia has a fantastically badass moment coming up in the Witcher Regency AU that I am fucking dying to get to. I’m so excited. A close second however is my three supernatural!Eddie fanfics for October/Halloween. I always do at least one Halloween fic and I really love what I’ve come up with for the creature lore for these three fics.

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Probably a tie between Yennefer and Jaskier, honestly, which is how it is on the show itself as well. Jaskier and I are both very snarky and can’t shut up to save our lives, we love performing, we’re terrible at flirting and are truly bisexual disasters, and Jaskier is, I think, a lot harder on himself and a lot sadder and insecure than he would ever want to let on. And I think underneath all his bluster he takes his art very, very seriously, and his role as not just an entertainer but a storyteller very, very seriously, and I identify really hard with all of those things.

Yennefer, on the other hand, has all of my rage, ha ha. Yennefer’s story is so painful because it’s so very much a woman’s storyline. You couldn’t tell this same journey with a man. And so it hits me (and, I think, all women) hard. For example - I don’t want a baby. But I think all women can relate to the feeling of our worth being tied, by society, to our ability to have or not have a kid, and society trying to control that aspect of our bodies like it’s all that matters.

And that frustration of - being powerful and talented and beautiful, and people hating you for it, or judging you for it, or just wanting to use it, and nobody seeing who you really are or wanting you for who you really are, and so you decide fine you don’t need anyone, and if people are going to decide you’re arrogant and bitchy well then fine you will be arrogant and bitchy, and being incredibly lonely no matter what you do - yeah. Feeling always, somehow, like an object that people project their shit onto rather than being appreciated for who you are. And feeling the weight of others’ expectations, and sometimes rebelling for no reason other than to feel like you have a choice, and spiraling and not even knowing why, and wondering why, if you’re so talented like everyone says, you can’t seem to be good enough.

I have a lot of fucking feelings about Yennefer can you tell? And a lot of them are coming out in the Regency AU ha ha.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I have so many FUCKING feelings about my bit about the power of autumn in my Witcher Big Bang fic. I actually had that entire monologue written out over two years ago. I was originally going to use it for a Timeless AU where they were all fae and Rufus was going to get that monologue, but I couldn’t come up with a good plot for it and I had way too many fic ideas already so I scrapped it and just kept the monologue. It sat in my drafts forever until I realized I could use it for the Big Bang.

I just have a lot of fucking feelings about Autumn, and about how there’s something so relieving to people about it, and how people love it, and embrace this theme of dying and transformation, and the freeing sensation of releasing shit and letting it all go, and how everyone considers Winter to represent death when really Winter’s when everything’s already dead so there’s nothing to fear, Autumn is the act of dying, and people tend to be so happy about that and embrace it and I just think it says a lot about the human condition and the duality of death and life and change.

Also I snuck a few modified Lord of the Rings lines into that fanfic and so far nobody’s caught them DO BETTER, PEOPLE, DO BETTER.

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

I do not really reread anything pre-2018 that I wrote. I don’t... hmm. I don’t like that work. I feel that it’s representative of me as a younger writer, and me when I was still trying to figure out my definitive voice. I was in... okay so there are four stages of learning a craft: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence. I feel like I was very much in the first stage for those years. I thought I was better than I was. And I was having fun with it so y’know, it wasn’t hurting anybody. And it was practice so that’s good. Then I got into college and reached the second stage and oy vey.

So I try to be generous with myself, but that doesn’t mean I want to reread those works. I cringe. I keep them up because I know how much it sucks when a writer takes down a story you really like and I don’t want to do that to my readers, and I think it’s important that people see I had to go on a journey of learning and improving the same as anyone. But. Yeah. I’m not really fond of those earlier works.

My Timeless fics are, I feel, where I really started to come into my own as a writer. I had been in a real depressed rut after being run into the ground mentally by my English major professors, and I hardly wrote anything for a good year after I graduated. I was really drained and often suicidal (for various reasons, not just writing). But my mental health aside, I think I needed that break from writing. Because when I came back to it in 2018, I was ready to become the writer I really wanted to be, and that’s who I am now. And I’m proud of the work I’m doing now.

So my earlier work, I try to be kind to myself. I think it’s important I keep it available for others to read. But I do not tend to read it myself.

#mads answers things #it's a struggle to be kind to myself #when I just want to burn everything I wrote back then #madamewriterofwrongs #wow this all got rather serious and depressing my apologies

[the-nottea-was-tentacles]

Fanfic Recs- or Fanfics I like where Jon does not have a good time.

SFW

What Belongs to the Sea by: TwoDrunkenCelestials and WhyNotFly- A JonElias classic, if you’re reading Jonelias you’ve probably already read this, but I’ve read it 4 times and its still one of my favorites. Jon is a Selkie who was recently tricked out of his skin, and the man who stole lost it in a wager. Following it leads him to Elias Bouchard head of the Magnus Institute, who seems really nice and definitely plans to give it back, right? It does end in JonMartin but still is probably my favorite Jonelias fic. JonElias and JonMartin, with some EliasPeter

they keep trying to row away by: assigned_Jon_Kin_Again (sparrow0), blackwood (johniaurens), Mx_Carter, radula (stickpenalties), and screechfox- AU series where Jon gets turned into a Mermaid! Elias keeps him as a pet. Jon doesn’t have fun, but Elias enjoys himself. Very, Very dark, read the tags guys. JonElias

deal with the devil by Paptato: Look the first fic in the series, requisition, was my first ever Jonelias fic. So, this series holds a special place in my heart. It starts just after 160 except Jonah immediately possesses Martin in order to make Jon come back to the institute. JonElias with background JonMartin

beastly by Prim_the_Amazing: A Beauty and the Beast au with Jon as Belle (hot Jon rights) Martin as the Beast and fucking Elias as Gaston. Its vey good and love it. Nothing Explicit yet, but in chapters from Jon’s point of view, we hear some things about Elias that sound vaguely Noncony. JonMartin with past JonElias

Extinction, Emerging by Dribbledscribbles – How the actual fuck did this fic make me ship Jon with the Extinction? What the Fuck. Its so well written tho.  JonExtinction with background JonMartin

Ghosts of Love by: RavenXavier- Post-Watcher’s Crown, Jon is stuck in the Archives, but sometimes rarely, Martin comes to visit. This is soooo sad. Major unhealthy relationship warning on this one guys. Martin has gone full Lonely.  JonMartin, Implied JonElias

NSFW

A Patient Man by Candentia- NonCon, and Mind Control, Jon still a researcher, doesn't know how he ended up on his knees in front of Elias Bouchard. JonElias

The Bee Movie, but every time they say the word 'bee' someone becomes a living hive by: sugarboat- I really don’t understand why I found this series as hot as I did? Its probably because of sugarboat fantastic porn writing skills. Uh so basically Jon is a living Hive and Elias is a flesh Avatar. Jon turns Martin into a living hive to save him from being given to Peter as a gift and so Elias decides that Jon owes him.  Gore and bugs tho people and also some consent issues. JonElias and hinted JonMartin

Children of the Night by: Zai42- Jon is the only human to work at the Magnus Institute as its filled with vampires, and also his girlfriend is a werewolf.  Only one of the fics in this series is NSFW. The author has mentioned that she wants everyone to get the chance to bite Jon and I can respect that. JonElias and JonGeorgie

Beholding's Own by Candentia- What if Jon was Jonah Magnus’s original Archivist? Very, very good and this is the fic that started my love of Jon/orignalflavor!Jonah. JonElias and JonMartin

a celebration by Prim_the_Amazing: NONCON, oh lord is this noncon. Jon is coming more into his powers, and Elias wants to celebrate that. Martin and Melanie get to murder Elias in this one tho. JonElias with background JonMartin

The Archive by CaptainSwank: NONCON. I know you’re the one who asked me for recs in the first place hun, but I would be crazy not to put your The Archive series on here. Jonah has won and has both Jon and Martin in his power, and sometimes he is even nice enough to let them play together.  JonElias, JonMartin and JonMartinElias

Assorted Authors people should check out:

screechfox, blackwood, Yashitsu, RavenXavier, cuttooth,

This could have been even longer but i do have to got to bed eventually. Might edit this and add more fics eventually.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #fanfic recs #noncon tw

[lucycoughlinmp1]

Making Performance 1 - Lucy Coughlin

Describe briefly in a few sentences what each of the Paines Plough  monlogues was about.

Manchester by Chris Thorpe:  A graphic description of how a football team found it funny to sexually assault one of their team mates (narrator). The narrator describes how he got revenge and assaulted the ‘friend’ to get his own back. This all links in to how he met a girl and how he found out that he has no control over his hands.

Plymouth by Hannah Silva: A confusing account of a daughter reading a letter from her dad. He has dementia and can’t remember the memories he made with her. He remembers a dream, tiny details from the war and music. She describes it repetitively to mimic how his thoughts process. One word triggers a memory.

Liverpool by Chloe Moss: A young school girl who hates school and I presume is suicidal, lied in order to get out of school early. She goes to the beach even though she has had a lesson on quicksand and is now afraid of the beach. She meets an old woman who plays the role of perhaps an angel and saves the school girl from whatever she had planned. She repeatedly talks about a mantra which she realises she no longer needs.

London by Zia Ahmed: It’s all about love and race. A girl couldn’t get past the fact that her father didn’t agree with her Pakistani boyfriend from London even though he was from London and not from Pakistan.  ‘I love you but… we’re different’ is repeated and eventually it changes to ‘I loved you but we were different’. At the end he sings in his language a lot more as he comes back to his roots that she was perhaps holding him back from.

Cardiff by Alan Harris: A grown man who has been trying to fit in his whole life. He retells the story of his first adult arrest in Caerphilly, it sounds like he is oon drugs as he talks about seeing a duck in the cell with him. He inhabits this duck’s body and puts his ‘webbed feet’ in the toilet water in order to feel a sense of home. He is missing home as he is far from his way back home.

What images/ characters / moments particularly stuck out for you in any of the Paines plough monologues and why? ( choose 3)

Lisa Hughes in ‘Liverpool by Chloe Moss’ - She seems to be liked by everyone and she is nice to everyone which isn’t the normal stereotype for a ‘popular’ girl. Lisa clearly makes even the most lonely pupils feel welcome.

The inappropriate story that the father in Hannah SIlva’s monologue told his daughter about the French woman. - It felt very awkward and sexualised. It made me think that he was perhaps sexually assaulting his daughter when in reality he didn’t remember his daughter and didn’t know who he was talking to, so couldn’t see that it was inappropriate.

‘I love you but… we’re different’ – the repetition of this in Zia Ahmed’s monologue is very effective because anyone who says I love you shouldn’t have to say ‘but’, it should just be ‘I love you’. This is very effective because it creates embathy for the listener and a sense of heartbreak is strung throughout the whole 16 minutes as it is such an overpowering feeling of sadness.

How were the National Theatre Scotland monologues using the frame ( screen) to succesfully tell a story?

A mug’s game - He sits down and looks past the camera as if he’s answering a journalists’ questions. This is effective as it creates an interview setting. He is using two eyelines at the start, one is looking and talking directly to someone behind the camera and the other is looking down to the floor naturally as he speaks, 

Isolation – The bed frame in the camera frame is effective simply because it is off centre and not straight, it gives the whole scene a very off feeling as if something has gone a bit wrong in this story. The toy animal in the crinkled bed sheets makes us think the lady in the frame has a child, and the bottle of water and tissues next to her bed connote that she is unwell. The fact that she is in bed and it is daylight shows that she is stuck and vey much isolated, portraying what a lot of people were and still are going through over lockdown. Just her hands in the camera as she washes and sanitizes her hands as if that’s the only thing that matters. As the camera angle changes slightly, we are zoomed in on her lying down close to the camera making it feel very boxed up and enclosed ‘this room is a box that I can’t get out of’. She is videoing herself pacing the carpet, this shows boredom. The image of the curtains slightly open as if we have only a glimpse of the outside World. Again, she is asleep during the day as there is nothing else to do in isolation. She looks directly to the camera which makes it feel very personal and aimed at whoever is watching. Its like eye contact in the theatre being done through a camera lens. She cleans up the background of the scene, she makes the bed up with pink bedding connoting pure happiness, tidies her bedside table, puts her hair up and describes the colours outside which all present happiness. A lot of focus on her hands which is where this pandemic is mainly focussed.

[devourer--of--books]

I've continued my Obey Me! journey and I have new thoughts

It's been about a week from my "obey me! first impressions" post and while no one cares, I feel like I need to do a follow up or my head will explode. College came for me before I got up to date on the story (I'm currently on task 15-1, may the lord have mercy on my soul) but I've gotten plenty of spoilers because I'm impatient, so if you haven't played the game til, maybe skip this post? You've been warned.

Last time I started in mechanics, and for the most of it my opinion is the same. I've gotten used to the slow-ness by now and figured I'd just have to make do, but thank you very much to everyone who helped me with leveling up and how to make the most of what I have.

Story wise, the plot holes are endless, but it's mostly an otome thing I guess. They are all in school? Who is teaching those classes? Aren't they supposed to have graduated by now? Will they ever? Why were the angels and Solomon there before us? Are we like frozen in time in the human world or have we just gone missing there?

I decided that in order to just enjoy the game for what it is, I'll ignore these but it does bother me. You can find a lot of posts and theories here on tumblr on the topic and they discuss this way better than I could, so I'll just end it here: it's not a very consistent game, but if you don't think too hard about it you'll be fine.

On the part you probably are here for: the boys

I'll go in order, same as before

Luficer is... a lot. On my last post I talked about how his controlling nature and the kinky-dark-Jumin-Han-fanfic vibes I got from him kinda made him too scary for me. After playing some more I find myself to be a bit torn. On one hand, Lucifer seems like a very interesting LI to romance, he is sexy, yes, but he feels very lonely and vulnerable. The fact that he is the Avatar Of Pride, the eldest and most powerful is very attractive, again, in the same way Ikemen's Nobunaga is. A man who makes hard decisions in order to protect what is most important to him, who needs to be in control, who has a hard time opening up and does not feel like he is quite deserving of being happy. But on the other... I don't feel like Lucifer could ever come to respect us, which is a problem I too have with Nobunaga, although to a lesser degree. I always get this feeling that Lucifer loves us like a pet (maybe you're into that, I'm not really the pet-kink kind). Yes, he cares deeply for us but when it comes down to it he does not see us as equals. Our relation is not one of a partnership. At least not in his eyes. And why should he view it as a partnership? We are human, a non-magical human and he is an almighty demon lord. We are not the same. I was happy to ignore all this overthinking but it becomes unbearable at the two instances when he gets mad at us and lashes out. The way he speaks, the way he acts... absolutely unacceptable. You don't get to threaten me, talk down to me, nearly kill me and then say you respect me because you don't and I have yet to see a moment where he truly does show disgust for treating us like that or guarantees that it won't happen again. So what? You can't take talk back? Fuck you. Speaking of which, apparently he is the only one we get to fuck? I'm not sure if I want to. I mean, sure, I like some possessive dirty talk as much as the next gal and Lucifer is gorgeous, but I don't think my pride will allow me to bed him. Honestly I might just friendzone him for no reason other than to wound his pride at that. Yes bitch, get some fucking blue balls, you ain't getting any. Unless... well, you have 5 tasks to convince me you've earned it. Hop to it, Lucy.

Now that that's out of the way, Mammon:

I'm in love with this idiot.

Out of all the boys this is the one that most surprised me because while I did think he would grow more and more on me I did not see him being this important to me. I initially though of Mammon as the 707 of Obey Me, the one who is always in love with you in every route (don't get me started on this, I will be sobbing eventually), and in a way he is. But here's the twist: in MM, I'm not really a big Seven stan. I love Seven platonically and I thought that would be the case for Mammon as well. I was wrong. Maybe it's because Lucifer pissed me off so badly or because we didn't spend nearly as much time with Satan as we should (more on this later) but Mammon really caught my eye. I didn't think he was that cute, but I got one of his SSRs and use it quite often, so I started getting lots of Surprise Guest moments with him, and he just looks so beautiful in those? When the hearts appear and he looks at me with that soft expression jdhdbdndkdjd. He is just so sweet overall? He feels so genuine and human and real (in a way you don't really get with Seven until you're a few days into his route, when it was a bit late for me to love him as more than a friend). Mammon loves you for who you are, and while he does talk down to us, you can always tell he does not truly mean it. I can't think of an instance when he came even close physically threatening us and I don't think he would be able to. It makes me feel very very safe and warm and happy. Which is what love should always feel like: Love should feel restful. And maybe I'm thinking too much about this. It's just a game. But it doesn't make it any less true. I'm definitely kissing this man.

About Levi, not much. He still annoys me. I can kinda see the appeal for other people, but still a no-go for me. I'm not a fan of his personality or looks, I already said my piece on him.

So, Satan. I still absolutely adore Satan. He is the cutest and my go-to guy, but... his arc was kind of short I guess? We don't spend that much time with him so far (at least I don't think so) and the whole going on a rampage thing is a turn off (as explained above). But with Satan I cannot truly resent him, for one, he is the Avatar of Wrath, so is not like I didn't sign up for this. I can feel he does feel bad and conflicted about it so I did let it slide. But I can see some red flags? Like, I've got his Be You card and read the story and it just... kinda paints him in a bad light? Yes, babe, you've got a temper, I know but... idk man. Satan feels very caring and mischievous (again, the soft dom energy here man) but I don't feel as safe as I feel with Mammon. Maybe given due time I'll feel better. Still, he is one of my bias, lil blonde book bitch, I wanna get to know you better, let's make out.

If we don't spend enough time with Satan, we spend no time with Asmo. In my other post you can read me projecting all my hopes and past trauma on Asmo's character but so far, that's kind of all I've got. I don't have enough data or character development to have a real opinion on him, but if we do get routes I look forward to doing his. No kisses for now, sorry babe.

On Beel: Y'all commented about how he would turn out to be a complete sweetheart and I did not believe you. I should have. This man is so adorable. I'm vey romantically attracted to him and will do his route if I can, but the thirst is just... not here? Like please, lets hug and hold hands but I do not want to kiss you. He's a great guy, just not the guy for me? He does beat Lucifer though. He gives me safe vibes but, like, friend vibes. The one friend that you work out with, is your plus one when you're single and takes care of you when you're sad? That vibe. I don't think he would be very into me either. I'm a picky eater, grudge holder, horrible cook and overall bitchy gal. We're better off as friends.

Belphegor. He can choke. I haven't gotten to it yet, but I know he is gonna kill me. Human-hater, lying ungrateful bitch. He's hot, yes. Have I read smut with him? Yes. Would I fuck him? Yes. But in, like, a hate-sex kinda thing I guess. You've got 5 tasks to kill me and then convince me that somehow you are not the worst. Things aren't really looking up for this sleepy boi.

Also, does anyone know if it impacts in any way if you kiss (or I guess fuck on Lucifer's case) more than one boy? Like, will they be mad? Because I've got some impossible choices if it does matter. I'll report again once I'm done with the tasks, I guess?

Peace, my dudes

#obey me #obey me! #obey me shall we date #obey me one master to rule them all #shall we date #otome games #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #ikesen nobunaga #707 mysme

[aziraamane]

Human AU - Part 6

This fic now has a name! I’ll be calling it “All the Better Part of Me” when it finally goes up onto AO3 - because I spent far too much time reading Shakespeare’s sonnets to call it anything else.

(Previous) - (First) 

"Is Warlock coming today?" Adam asked, again.

"Yup," Crowley said, popping the 'p.' He tightened his knees around Adam, holding him in place as he dragged a brush through the squirming boy's hair. "Hold still, you little devil."

"'Nath'ma does it nicer!"

"Do you?" Crowley glowered up at Anathema, comfortable on the sofa; she winked at him from behind her coffee mug.

"Maybe."

"You do it, then," Crowley muttered, Adam still wriggling on the carpet.

"Sorry, can't. I'm off the clock for another, oh, two minutes seventeen seconds."

"I hate you."

"Aww, if I weren't being paid extra tonight, I'd hate you, too, Mr Grumpy." 

The doorbell rang at that point, and Adam shot up from Crowley's grip to answer it. With the sudden loss of nephew, Crowley looked at the brush in his hand, shrugged, and began to neaten his own hair. 

No dirt smudged his cheeks today. He’d prepared for guests this time, scrubbed clean and sporting his casual ensemble of tight-fitting, black v-neck tee and even tighter-fitting black jeans. His sunglasses were off, but Anathema was already handing them to him as he contemplated slipping them back on, and he went with the safer option of wearing them.

Warlock came running into the room, all smiles, Adam trailing behind. "Hello!" he announced. 

"Hey, kiddo," Crowley grinned, chucking the hairbrush over his shoulder.

"I gots, uh, cookies in my bag. They got chocolate in them."

"Oh, dear. The womens' mags get mad at me if I don't watch my waistline." Crowley patted his belly with a wink, sticking out his tongue at Warlock, who laughed.

"Come off it, my dear. If anything you could afford to put on a few pounds." Ezra appeared in the doorway, holding Warlock's jacket. 

A flood of warmth suffused Crowley's face at his arrival, along with a starburst of a smile. "Hey, angel."

"Hello, Anthony. Thank you so much for agreeing to take Warlock for the night."

"What are friends for, eh?" He slithered to his feet, joints cracking. "Got time for a drink?"

Ezra shook his head. "I'm afraid not, I must dash off again - do keep in touch, though, won't you? I haven't actually left Warlock with anybody before…"

"Don't worry, he's in good hands with Ana."

For seemingly the first time since he walked in, Ezra noticed Anathema. "Ah! Miss Device! I didn't see you down there. How are you?"

"Good, thanks, Ezra." She flashed a look at Crowley that could only speak of triumph before addressing Ezra again, "I promise I'll contact you if anything comes up, okay? Relax a little."

"Thank you." A little weight seemed to leave Ezra's shoulders. "Well...must go, then." He gestured to Warlock, roughhousing with Adam, and the boy wobbled over, beaming. They came together in a long embrace, Ezra pressing kisses over Warlock's rosy cheeks. "Be on your best behaviour, darling," Crowley heard him whisper, "but if you feel lonely or - or sad - or just need to talk, then-"

"Ezra~" Crowley sing-songed, tapping his watch.

"U-Um. Yes. Quite." Ezra's eyes were overly shiny when he pulled back, though Warlock just giggled and skipped off to play with Adam again. Ezra got to his feet, brushed down his already perfectly smooth trousers. "Well, then. I...I'll be going."

It was clear the man was utterly miserable. He didn't at all want to go to dinner with his siblings. He didn't want to leave his son behind. He didn't like being out of his comfort zone. 

Dammit, he was so cute. 

"Come on, angel." Crowley threw an arm round Ezra's shoulders and steered him firmly, but not unkindly, towards the front door. "S’only a few hours, it'll fly by before you know it." He'd been at enough parties to know that that was a complete lie, but at that moment he'd do anything to wipe the despair off of Ezra's rapidly paling face. "Won't be long before the kids are asleep, anyway, and they won't be getting up to much mischief when they're out for the count. So relax. I reckon you've earned some time off from being dad."

Ezra blinked his big, watery eyes up at Crowley, and his bottom lip finally stopped trembling. "Oh, thank you," he whispered. "I've just been fretting so much about all this. It's terrifying, Anthony."

"Only as terrifying as you make it, angel. Now go, go on, put on a few pounds in my place, you deserve it!" With a final comforting pat on the back, Crowley urged Ezra through the front door and closed it with a snap. 

A long, low huff of breath whooshed from his lungs as he turned, leaning his back against the cool wood. Eyes trained on the ceiling, he sighed. Poor guy's got a lot on his shoulders.

Anathema was staring at him from the living room doorway when he looked back, her expression a picture of utter glee. "What?" snapped Crowley.

She giggled. "You called him angel! Oh, Anthony! How didn't I twig beforehand? You fancy him!" 

Crowley folded his arms. "I'm not having this conversation with you, Ana."

"You're blushing."

"I'm walking away now."

"You're a soppy git!"

"I will fire your ass, I swear to fucking-"

From somewhere in the living room, Warlock gasped, "Your uncle said a swear!"

~*~

The meal was a sumptuous affair. If anything good could be said about the collective Fells, it was that they were marvellous cooks, and Michaela in particular had an excellent eye for wine pairings. Ezra sat on Uriel's left, Sandy to his right, and together they laughed and joked as they feasted. Wine flowed like water, and his stomach was full, his head pleasantly buzzing, and he wondered whatever had he been so worried about?

Until Gabriel cleared his throat, suddenly business-like.

"I told Ezra about the lecturer's position opening," he told Sandy. 

"Ah." The youngest Fell brother, Sandalphon - Sandy for short - was chaplain at King’s; a short, balding man with garish gold fillings in his teeth and a tendency to speak with a slight sneer. He turned now to Ezra, looking expectant. "And?"

Ezra coughed, reaching for his wine. "I have no plans to alter my career at present, Sandy. I'm quite content where I am." 

The looks of pity they all gave him was enough to make his food sit heavy in his stomach, and no longer pleasantly at that.

"What a shame," Sandy sighed. "And you were doing so well for yourself."

"It was my choice, and my choice alone, to leave the teaching profession."

"And we were all very sad for you when you left," Uriel chipped in. She was dark-skinned and dark-eyed, deceptively sweet-looking, and at twenty-four years old, the youngest of them all. Beside her, Michaela, with her rigid pose and coif of short brown curls, steepled her fingers under her chin and leaned in slightly, listening but remaining silent. 

The ever-present familial frustration that simmered in Ezra's blood began heating. "I appreciate everybody's concern," he said, stiff and mechanical, "but I wish you would trust me a little more to make my life decisions by myself."

"Ezra, you graduated from school and started out as a gardener, for Heaven's sake," Sandy retorted. 

"And that profession led to my eventually being allowed to adopt Warlock, may his birth parents rest in peace. You of all people, Sandalphon, ought to have more respect." 

“Oy vey…” Sandy pressed a hand to his brow.

Uriel patted Ezra’s hand. "We just can't help but worry about you," she said, sickly sweet.

"Why?" he snapped. "Because I am not intent on following our parents into their overworked graves, the way you are all doing?" Angrily, he swiped his mouth with a napkin, dropped it to his plate, and pushed himself to standing. "Every time we come together I hope that something will have changed. Every time, I am disappointed. So pray excuse my rudeness, but I will take my leave now - I have family more deserving of my time waiting for me." 

He made for the door, stopped, strode back to the table and grabbed an unopened bottle of wine. "I'm taking this,” he told Gabriel. “I can happily suggest where to shove it if you object." 

He thought he saw Michaela smirk behind her hands, the rest seemingly stunned into silence. 

"Thank you for the meal, but as for the rest, thanks for nothing. Toodle-pip!"

#tia-lew writes #fanfiction #good omens #ineffable husbands #slow burn #aziraphale #crowley #anathema device #adam young #warlock dowling #archangel gabriel #archangel uriel #archangel michael #archangel sandalphon #archangel fucking gabriel #work in progress #fanfic excerpt

[that-writer-who-never-posts]

A second chance

Hello! I got this beautiful request from @imnotusedtobeingloved thank you for trusting me with something so deep!

Prompt: The reader’s chances of surviving a family decease are small, but Tom is not giving up on her. (I changed a bit, hope you don’t mind!)

Warnings: Mentions of cancer, death and lots of angst. But it does have a happy ending!

Ps: when I say football, I mean soccer, call it whatever you want, but Tom is british, so...

like 3k words of pure drama.

---

       Looking at your kids, your 6 year-old daugther Elena and your 4 year-old son Gael, you could only find genetics awesome. How your love could create a perfect mixture of you and Tom... But you prayed every second of your life they wouldn't have to deal with some of your genes.          

         -Flash back on-

         Before you could get over your grandma's death because of stomach cancer, your mother had to start treating the same problem.

           Her situation was pretty stable. The doctors believed she would be cured easily. When she came back home, your family threw a party for her.

          It was a small family reunion at the living room of the house where you grew up. Your mom really seemed healthy, specially after she saw her grandchildren.

          But when you came in, you saw some of your relatives looking at you with an worried expression. Some asked if you had lost weight and some decided it was better not say anything. You told them you were just tired, it was a busy year at work and dealing with your mom's decease after losing a person you loved wasn't easy for you. You heard Tom talking to someone and telling them he worries too, but he just can't get you to eat.

          But you pretended you didn't hear anything. All the people around you knew about your family situation, they should understand.

          You were sitting with Tom and watching the kids play on the floor, surrounded by your family, when you started to feel nauseous. You stood up and went to the bathroom to wash your face with some cold water.

          But on the way, you felt that wouldn't be enough, you had to throw up. You got on your knees in front of the toilet and tried to think of something you ate that could have caused that. But you realized you haven't been eating anything different... You had barely been eating, you never felt hungry anymore.          After throwing up two or three times, you opened your eyes to find a pool of blood in front of you. You stood up and looked in the mirror. You looked absolutely terrible, the color of your skin disappeared and had blood on your lips.          You started to panic. You couldn't let your mom see you like that, you didn't know what was going on, but couldn't be good, and the last thing she needed right now was to worry about you.

          Taking a deep breath, you washed your face until there was no blood left, but your color wouldn't come back.

           You headed to the living room and was relieved everyone was watching the kids run around the place, so they didn't notice you. But Tom did.          "Y/N?" Tom standed up and went to meet you because you were walking too slowly. He grabbed your hands and touched your colorless face. "What happened, love? You're so cold!"

          "I have to get out of here." You whispered weakly.

          "What?" He could barely hear your voice.

          But when you tried to speak again, your vision started to go black and the last thing you felt were Tom's arms not letting you hit the ground.          You woke up on the hospital and started to cry.

          "Y/N..." Tom was sitting on the chair beside the hospital bed, and when he heard you crying he joined your side in one jump. "Shhh... It's okay, darling. I'm here."

          He sat on the bed with you and brought you to his chest.

          "I ruined everything." You cried. "How is my mother?"

          "She was really worried. Everyone was " He knew he couldn't lie to you. "But now we're here, you're going through a few exams and you're going to be okay."

          "The kids?" You tried to calm yourself down, but you kept remembering how many people saw what just happened.

          "They are at your mother's house. They will be fine." He kissed your forehead. "Y/N... You have to tell the doctors exactly what is going on."

          "I just felt nauseous."

           "Y/N... There was blood in the sink, if you don't tell the truth, the doctors won't be able to help you."          You spent the rest of the day on the hospital, Tom insisted the doctors should do every exam they could.

          But you started to become anxious. Your kids were probably scared after seeing you pass out like that, and taking that long to come back would make it worse. You just wanted to leave, but Tom was there, holding your hands and trying to calm you down.          Seemed like hours passed, when a nurse entered the room, followed by the doctor who had the results in hands.

           The doctor seemed a little upset, and was definitely choosing each word carefully. As he spoke, your heart started to race, you knew where he would end up. You heard all that before.

          "I'm really sorry, it's never easy to say this." He said with a sad smile. "But you have a stomach cancer. It's a genetic condition. The good news is that we discovered it really early, so the treatment is more likely to work."

          You felt you would pass out again. Why? Why was your family cursed like that? You were so young and had so many plans. You had two beautiful children to raise and a dream to grow old with your husband that would never come true.          Tom was really strong, though. The doctor left the room and you stood there in silence for a while, but he was holding you the entire time.

          "You're going to be okay. Your mom is doing great, I bet you can do even better, you'll see." He said, but you could hear he was holding the tears.          "No, Tom." You replied emotionless. "It's fine, I think deep down I knew it. I just... Didn't think it would be so soon. Maybe I get to see Gael learning to read, he will be so proud when he does. But I won't be able to help Elena when a boy breaks her heart. Oh, Tom... Please, never let anyone break their hearts..."          "Stop saying that..." He can't help but cry now. "You are going to be here for them. You are going to be right here beside me. You are going to fight this and win, okay?"

          "I'm scared." You whisper.

          You never saw that man so deeply hurt in your life. But he would be strong for both of you if he had to.

         -A few months after-

         You stood in front of the mirror, finishing to get ready to take your kids to the park.

          "Have I told you that you look absolutely stunning with short hair?" Tom's head appears on the bedroom's entrance.

          "Pretty much 5 times everyday." You smile at him. "At least I'm not bald anymore."

          When you had to shave your head for the chemotherapy, you felt horrible. You already looked sick, but without your hair, you thought you would feel the ugliest woman alive. But you really didn't, it was a lot easier than you thought. Only because Tom would compliment you whenever he laid his eyes on you, he would also proudly talk about you on interviews, saying how strong and beautiful you were.

          Your treatment made you very weak and you lost even more weight. Was hard making small children understand that some days they wouldn't be able to see you, some days they would, if they wore a mask and didn't touch you, or you would get sick. When you had to stay at the hospital, you would recieve drawings and homemade gifts to tell you how much they missed you. All that only gave you more strenght to survive and be the mom they deserved again.          Tom's fans were also important to you. Even the ones who didn't like you would send support messages and tell you they really hoped you would get over all this. There were hashtags trending on almost every social media to let you know you weren't alone.          "Are you sure you want to go, love?" Tom asked on a serious tone.          "I'm just going to sit there." You smile at him. "I can do this. I could use some fresh air."

          He was worried because on the last few days you would get breathless really easily. Simply going from your bedroom to the kitchen would obligate you to sit down to recover. But you would see your doctor in 2 days, so there wasn't a reason to run to the hospital at that moment.          It was a vey beautiful day. You placed a towel on the grass and sat on it.          "Let's play football, mommy?" Gael said excitedly and it broke your heart. You used to play football with them all the time, now you could barely stand up and he didn't understand why.

          "Gael..." Tom said when he noticed your sad expression. "We have to let mommy rest as much as we can so she will be good soon to play with us, remember?"

          The little boy was disappointed, but nodded.

          "I love you, mommy." Elena said wrapping her little arms around your shoulders. "I would wait a miiiiiiillion years to play with you."

          Gael joined the hug and you smiled widely. Tom watched the scene absolutely in love.

          "Alright..." You say wipping a tear that escaped. "Then you better go pratice, cause when I get back, I won't let anyone win."

          "Let's go!" Elena gasped and grabbed the ball, running with her brother. "Come on, Daddy!"

          Tom looked at them, then looked at you a bit lost, he thought he should stay with you to keep you from getting sad and lonely.

          "Go, have fun." You winked at him.

          He laughed.

          "You better get well soon, our team needs you." He smiles and turns around to join the kids.

          The sadness for not being able to play with them disappears soon. This decease taught you to appreciate more all the things. Just being able to leave your bed and watch the three people you love the most having fun was enough to warm your heart.

          It was funny watching they play, Tom was so much taller than the kids, you were afraid he would kick them, instead of the ball. At some point, the game became just the two kids running around your husband. Pretending it was a very hard task, he grabs one kid with each arm and starts tickling them.

          You couldn't help but laugh at their adorable laughs. You kept laughing until you started coughing. You got so angry, it was like no fun was allowed for you. You began to cough harder, covering your mouth with your hand. When you looked at your hand, you felt a shiver on your spine.

          Blood. Again.

          That was the day you received the news that the cancer was now on lungs. You weren't getting better, it was just spreading so fast the doctors couldn't detect it.          -Flash back off-          And there were you. Having to live with a heritage your family never wanted to give you.

          Ten days passed since that day at the park. On the first day, the doctors told Tom that your only chance at this point was going throught the strongest treatment they had. But for someone who was already fragile because of several sessions of chemo like you, the side effects could kill you even faster. The chances of success were near 5%, but without it, they are 0%.

          And since the process was so dangerous, you couldn't get a single visit. The time you weren't knocked out because of the medicines, all you did was cry because you wouldn't be able to say goodbye to your family.

          The doctors didn't know if the treatment was working so far, but they knew your body wouldn't be able to take much more of that. And that's why you decided to do something.

          When the nurse entered the room to serve you dinner, always the same tasteless soup because that's all you could eat, you asked her a favour.          "Please..." You asked with tears in your eyes. "Can you bring me a pen and some paper?"

          "Do you want me to give someone a call?" She offered kindly.

          "No..." You reply. "I need to write this. On my own."

          The nurse nodded and did as you asked.

          You looked at the blank paper for a moment. You knew what you wanted to write, but you also knew you would have to use an amount of energy you didn't have. You didn't care, they deserved it. You wouldn't go anywhere without a proper goodbye.          Dear Tom,

           I could write a million pages and still not be able to tell you how sorry I am for breaking your heart. I tried. You know I did. But know that I would never be here writing this if it wasn't for you. And know that the last forces I have I will use to think about you. The only better way to go would be if I could see you one last time, but I prefer that you remember me in a completely different way.When our babies grow up, tell them that we didn't have much time together, but I loved them for a lifetime. Let my mom know that she was a far better mother than me, because she survived all this, while I left my children.I hope you keep your promise, and never let anyone hurt them, like I'm doing right now.Tell all your fans that it was a huge honour to have their positive thoughts. Don't be sad for Tom, guys. He will find someone and be happy again. I mean it, my angel. I love you more than I could ever tell you, and that's why I don't want your life to end when mine does. The day that smile of yours cease to exist, all the beautiful things in this world will lose their magic. You were the most beautiful dream I ever had. But now I have to wake up.

Yours even after my heart stops beating,

Y/N.          ---          You wake up in a different room. Was it afterlife? Did you die? You start to freak out. Did you finish the letter? What if the nurses found it but didn't give it to Tom? And is this heaven or hell? Looks like an hospital bed to you.

          You stared at the ceiling for a while. Whatever reality this was, you liked it. You didn't feel any pain.

          A few minutes after, you heard the door opening and the nurse who gave you the paper came in.

          "Mrs. Hiddleston?" She called excitedly. "Are you awake? Can you hear me?"

          You looked at her confused and nodded.

          "Tom." That's all you could say.

          "He's outside, darling." The nurse's smile fadded. "I... I entered your room the other day and found a letter with his name on. I thought I should give it to him."

          You sighed relieved.

          "He was absolutely devasted when he read it." She continued. "He tried to come into your room, we had to call security."

          You watched her with wide eyes, waiting for more information.

          "He lives in the waiting room now." The woman adds. "Everyday when I arrive he is already there, the other nurses were saying that he leaves around 7pm to see your kids at your mother's house then comes back a few hours later."

          You felt tears rolling down your cheeks. You hated to imagine how much he was suffering, and the kids had lost both their mom and dad at once.          "Don't cry!" Her smile came back. "You'll be able to see him today, right after the doctor sees you." 

         "What happened?" You ask weakly.

           "You passed out because of the medication. The doctors realized it was attacking your healthy cells, instead of the cancer cells." She explaned. "But that's because you don't have them anymore. The treatment was a success. When the exams came out, nobody believed it. Doctors from other hospitals came to hear about your case."

          "I'm cured?" You smiled widely.

          "For now, your exams don't show anything wrong." The nurse confirmed. "But we'll keep you here for a while, just to make sure."          ---                    A little more than a year passed since you left the hospital. You joked you never really left, because you had to come back every now and then to make sure everything was fine. But you couldn't complain, hearing the doctor say you were cured a hundred other times felt as good as the first.          "Mom, you're a lot better on football than dad." Elena commented as your family arrived at the park.

          "Ohhhh did you hear that?" You laugh.

          "She's just happy you're going to play with us today, darling." Tom rolls his eyes. "She doesn't mean it."

          "It's true, sometimes daddy tickles us and that's cheating." Gael added to his sister.

          "Sorry, babe." You shrug. "You clearly lost this one."

          "Lost the discussion but will win the game. All three of you against me." He positions the ball in the middle of an imaginary field.          The match started and you felt nothing but pure happiness. You could run with them, feel the freedom that was back to your life. You could stand still and watch your happy family. You could even help Tom tickle the kids and be accused of treason because of that.

          But most importantly, you could be the wife and the mother you thought you wouldn't live to be.

---

Taglist:

All works:

@theoneanna @inlovewith3

let me know if you want to be added!

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston oneshot #tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston angst #angst #loki #loki x reader #loki x you #loki angst #loki fanfic #loki imagine

[readbeneaththelines]

Hi my angel that I love tons 💟💜💟. I would like to request, in the same scenario or whatever form you will do, fluff no.4 and smut no.10 with Shinee Taemin. Omg, can't wait to read you ❤️ If you are not inspired, just forget about it. ❤️❤️❤️ Here you go, I request it twice! 😂💟💟💟

I have no idea where this piece of pure smut came from! But damn, I love me some dominant Taemin! Here you go my Little Dragon, hope you enjoy it

Just Desserts

Characters: Taemin (SHINee) x Reader

Warnings: Pure unadulterate smut basically PWP, fluffiness, soft Taemin is nice too

Wod Count: 4196 ( okay this was supposed to be a drabble, but…

Lee Tae-Min. The name struck a frenzied chord in every fangirl’s heart. Just the mention of the name would set girls and even guys in a mass hysteria if they thought he was nearby. But, you couldn’t blame them, I mean really, have you ever seen that man? Tall and lithe, built yet slender, eyes that could hypnotize you with a mere glance. And that voice! Oh my, the voice of a siren, sensual and luring, taking you to the verge of your sweet demise without a care. 

And he was all yours. Every inch of him belonged to you and only you. 

Taemin hardly ever got a break from his hectic schedule of touring, shows, guest appearances. You knew that it came along with dating him, but sometimes, just sometimes you wished you had more time with him. He had already been gone for over two months and you were starting to go insane with missing him. The nights were getting very lonely when he wasn’t there to keep you warm. The housefelt emptywith just you to occupy it. 

By the middle of month three you had had enough and began figuring out a way to see him, even if it was just for a night. Sitting down at your dinner table you took pen to paper and started planning. It was going to take several of your mutual friends to pull it off, but in the end it would be worth it. Three and a half hours later, you had a very well thought out plan written A few phone calls and texts later, everything was set into motion.

“Taemin, sorry to call so late. Were you busy?” Kai asked over the phone. Of course he knew he wasn’t busy, it was well past ten at night. 

“No. What’s up? Everything okay?” nooone called him this late unless it was one of two things. A schedule change or a drunken friend telling him they missed him. But Kai sounded very sober. “Kai? What’s wrong?”

“Well, it’s just that Y/N was in a minor accident today. She didn’t want to call you and worry you, but they won’t release her from the hospital until the are assured that she will have someone with her twenty fours straight for two days. I called Jimin, Sungwoon, and even tried Hyuna, but everyone is either overseas or packed with schedules. I was able to go check on her, but I couldn’t stay.” Taemin’s heart began racing the more Kai spoke. His Y/N, the love of his life had been hurt and she was afraid to tell him. 

“Is she okay? Is it anything serious?” he asked, a tremble becoming evident in his voice. “They wouldn’t tell me much, except that she had a slight concussion. I told them you were busy and couldn’t be there until tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know. Do not tell her I called you.” Kai, felt bad for lying to his best friend, but he knew the struggles of maintaining a relationship when you were busy, and how much he missed seeing his girlfriend.

“I’ll be leaving here in a few. Just let me call and reschedule my guest spot for tomorrow.” Taemin thanked his friend then hung up. He immediately dialed his manager to express his remorse for having to cancel at the last minute.

“It’s okay Tae, you go take care of Y/N, she needs you right now. I’ll take care of everything on this end.” She hung up, a small grin crossing her face. She had already taken care of things yesterday when you had called her to help.Thankfully she was a good friend to you both and agreed to help you out. 

Taemin packed his bags quickly, not concerning himself with making sure everything was neat. Once he had all his things packed and ready to go, he was out the door and into a cab to the airport. He called Kai with his flight details, then called a few other friends to pick him up when he arrived. Jimin and Timoteo were to pick him up and take him to the house you two shared. Then he was planning on driving straight to the hospital to be with you. When he landed, he sighed deeply, he really did miss being home, but not under these circumstances. “Thanks for getting me. I’m sorry its so late and such short notice” he said to Timeteo. Jimin smiled and turned to face Taemin, “Hey, Y/N is like a sister to us. Anything we can do to help, you know you can count on us.” He patted Taemin’s shoulder in an effort to calm him down. “She’ll be okay. Tae. Don’t worry.” He simply nodded and laid his head back against the headrest.

They arrived in no time, Taemin thanking his friends before grabbing his luggage. They said goodbyes then left Taemin standing on his front porch, his key about to enter the lock. He was to tired to notice that it was already unlocked, or that the lights were still on. Instead, he hurried inside, only to be met by you. You were sitting on the couch, one of his dress shirts the only thing covering your body. You had a candlelit dinner on the table with a glass of wine chilling. 

“What in the hell is going on? I thought” his words trailed off as he watched you rise from your place on the couch.

“Im sorry Tae, baby. but you needed a break and I needed to see you.” You stood in your place, trying to gauge his expression. “I needed a break? Do you realize how worried I was? How all our friends were worried? I cancelled an appearance to rush home, and your sitting here like nothing happened?” His voice was a few octaves higher, and his face was turning a dark shade of red. You new he would be upset, bur you were prepared to tell him everything.

“Tae, everything was already handled. Even your guest spot was rescheduled yesterday. Everyone you talked to was in on this.” he froze in his place. “Everyone? Even my manager? Y/N, what were you thinking? I’m so angry with you right now, I can’t even see straight!” his fist were balling up tightly and you had to diffuse the situation before it got worse. Giving him your softest smile you slowly walked up to him, placing your hand against his flushed cheek.

“You’re a big teddy bear, don’t even try to act mean. You wouldn’t hurt a fly, and you won’t stay mad at me for long.” You leaned in, planting a teasing kiss to his lips. He knew you were right, and to be honest he was glad to be home with you since he was beginning to miss you terribly. His eyes fell to your hips then down to your legs that were covered barely by his dress shirt. He was mesmerized by the way your hips swayed, the hem of the shirt riding up just so to expose the bottom of your silk and lace panties. Suddenly he was very thirsty, and cleared his throat before speaking. “I can’t believe you were this conniving, just to get me home” he followed you into the dining room, pulling out your chair before taking his own seat. “You had all this ready in time for me to get here?” He eyed the food set before him. All of his favorites just for him. 

“Tae, babe. After dinner, I’m your dessert.” you cooed lightly from across the table.His head shot up, his chopsticks fell with a clank onto the plate, and he quickly swallowed his food in one vey loud gulp. 

“Wh-what did you say?” He was watching as you rose from your seat and went to the kitchen. You returned with a bowl full of strawberries and whipped cream. With a devilish grin, you repeat yourself. “I said I was the dessert tonight.” you set the bowl down and dipped your finger in the whipped cream. Without taking your eyes off of him, you brought your finger to your mouth, parting your lips just enough to slip your tongue out and lick the cream off. Then you placed your lips around your finger and sucked gently as you drew it back out. 

Taemin’s own tongue darted out to lick his lips as he watched every move you made, a low moan escaping his lungs as he felt himself growing harder by the second. This was pure torture, and he was loving every tiny minute of it. “Can I just skip dinner??” he asked, not so innocently. You simply shook your head and pointed to his plate. “You haven’t had a good home cooked meal in a while, so please eat. Besides, dessert will still be waiting when we’re finished.”

Reluctantly, Taemin returned to is meal. You shared small talk about what he had been doing while he was away, you hanging on every word with a smile on your lips. When your plates were cleared and the bottle of wine was empty, Taemin helped clear the table. A wicked grin spread across his face, his eyes turning dark with desire, “Time for dessert now?” he asked. You laughed softly, turning your eyes to the strawberries and cream on the table. “Are you still hungry?” Nodding, he made his way to the table and picked up the two bowls and motioned for you to follow him. He led you to your shared bedroom, climbed onto the bed, and set the two bowls down in front of him. You joined, sitting across from him, and took a juicy red strawberry from the bowl. Dipping it slowly into the cream, you brought it to your lips and bit down into it. Red juice ran down your lips and onto your chin. Taemin leaned over the bowl, wiping the juice away with his finger and brought it to his mouth. Licking the juice off, he then leaned in closer, using his tongue to lick the remaining juice from the corner of your mouth. 

Your lips tasted sweet and inviting. He trailed his tongue along the crease of your parted lips, kissing them tenderly as his eyes focused on yours. Swallowing hard, you returned the kiss with more fervor. His plump soft lips melded with yours, the kiss deepening quickly. You had to remind yourself that you wanted to tease him, breaking away from him slowly. “We need to finish these first.” you stated, your voice already husky with need and want. He looked down at the bowl, his eyebrow arching as an idea hit him. Using two fingers, he scooped up some cream up, then placed them to your neck, trailing a white line down the side of your neck. “Oops, I think I need to get that off of you.” Hismouth was on your neck before you had to to react. His lips were hot, his mouth warm as he licked the trail of cream down your neck. A shiver ran down your spine as he sucked the last bit off of your sensitive skin. A low moan escaped you, driving Taemin on. Leaning back, he moved the berries to the nightstand, leaving only the cream between your bodies. You watched as he repeated his actions of scooping up some cream and marking you with it. First he placed some on your lips, kissing it away, before placing more to your jawline. You instinctively tilted your head, granting him access to lick it off. All while doing this, he was getting more cream and running his fingers over various parts of your face and chest. 

“You taste delicious, Y/N.”  he muttered against your flesh, kissing and licking the cool cream from the swell of your breasts. “Mmhmm” was your only reply. It must have been the way you hummed in response that made something spark within him, because you were immediately being pushed backwards until you were lying on the bed. As soon as you were down, Taemin began drawing white lines down your arms, neck and chest. “Don’t you dare move, princess. I’ve got to get you cleaned up first, before you get this all over the sheets.” his voice had dropped an octave, becoming deeper and darker. He moved the remaining bowl aside, then brought himself closer to you. Leaning over your body, he started with your neck, his tongue and lips never leaving your skin as he lapped and sucked every last drop of cream off. 

“If you don’t mind, I believe this shirt is getting in the way.” He began unbuttoning his shirt, taking his sweet time to tease you. Once it was fully undone, he pushed both side apart, exposing your breasts to his gaze. “So beautiful.” he whispered as he dipped his head to take a hardened nipple in his mouth. Your back arched off the mattress as your hands fisted into the sheets beneath you. Taking your other breast in his hand, he pinched your other nipple between two fingers, causing you to moan even louder. Suddenly you were bereft on any contact. You lifted your head slightly to see where he had gone. When you saw him, the usually sweet Taemin was replaced by a needy darker version. His eyes were hooded with hunger, his face displayed a devilish smirk. He had the bowl of cream in one hand, his long fingers dipping deep within the white softness. You laid your head back as his fingers ran down between your breasts and towards your stomach. He stopped when he reached the waist of your white panties. Instantly his mouth was on you, following the trail he had left. You could feel the exciting mixture of heat and coolness as he moved down your body, leaving now trace of white in his wake. 

“I could eat you alive right now, you taste so damn delectable”  he growled low in his chest. 

You have never seen this side of him before. You always had amzing sex, but he was always gentle and tender with you. THis side of him, this hungry dark side of Taemin, excites you. Not knowing what he was going to do made your body shudder with anticipation. You jumped in surprise when you felt teeth nipping at your already buzzing skin. It was just painful enough to still feel amazing as he left bite marks across your lower stomach, just about your still clothed sex. Your fingers found their way to his head, fisting locks of black hair between your fingers.Your breathing was becoming more rapid, which seemed to turn Taemin on even more. The bites became a bit harder, his mouth soothing the tender spots each time. Once more, you felt a sudden rush of cold air on your bar skin, you exhaled slowly, not expecting what was to come next. You felt his hands take the fabric of your panties in his fingers, then was in shock as the fabric was torn in half. “I want to taste how sweet you are, princess. Now don’t you dare move unless I tell you to, understand?” he spoke low and deep, and all you could do was nod in response. “That’s my good girl. So willing to please me.” his voice carried a hint of laughter as he removed the remnants of your panties down your legs. Placing his hands on either of your legs, he spread them apart, leaving you bared to him. His eyes stared at your body, laid out like a meal before him. IT was almost overwhelming to him, how much he loved you. He would never be able to put into words what you did to him. But he was damned determined to show you tonight. 

“Now, remember, you’re my dessert tonight. I’m going to savor every last bit and you’re never going to forget this evening. So, princess, get ready to have your body devoured.” Your breath hitched, anticipation shooting through every fiber of your being. 

Taking the last bit of cream, Taemin drew a heart over your sex, placing a large drop onto your clit. With his hands holding your legs apart, his head dipped between them, tracing the shape with his tongue. At last, there was the last little bit, and he latched his lips around your clit, sucking the cream off. You squirmed under him, you body a writhing mess as he continued to suckle and lick and that little bundle of nerves. 

“Fuck, Tae!” you breathed out, his hands holding your legs tighter as he delved his tongue inside you, his fingers circling your clitat the same time. He hummed against your folds, sending another wave of shivers throughout you. You inhaled sharply as he slid a finger inside you, hooking it until he found that one spot. You could feel yourself already nearing an orgasm, but you held it at bay, not wanting to miss anything he had planned for you. A second finger dipped inside you, then he scissored them to stretch your walls as he quicken the pace that he was pumping his fingers in and out of you. 

“Is my girl getting close? Oh no, babygirl, you aren’t aloud to cum yet. I’m nowhere near done with my dessert.” he ran a long stripe up between your no glistening folds, finding your swollen clit and pulling it between his teeth. 

You could feel the knot tightening in your gut, ready to snap any second. You begged him to let you cum but he continued to refuse you your release. “Shit! Tae, please! I-I can’t hold back anymore!” you screamed out, all the while your entire body was aching for more. He lifted his head to look at you through his bangs. He licked his lips that were coated with a tasty mixture of cream and your juices. He groaned at the sensation between his own legs. He was achingly hard and he pressed his hips into the mattress searching for some friction. He wanted, no he needed, to be inside you. Needed to feel your wall stretch around him as he entered you only to feel them tighten back around his full length. 

You were a panting mess as he granted to a moment to catch your breath. “I’m going to fuck you now. I’m not going to hold back, and I’m not going to stop until you are begging and screaming my name.” His words lit a fire deep within you, a fire that craved everything he could offer to do to you. Resting on his knees, he lifted your body up until you were in a sitting position. He tore the shirt off your arms and threw it to the side. You were now fully naked for his eyes yet you felt no embarrassment or shame. His eyes met yours, and you were lost in his gaze. They were dark and almost sinister, hungry and burning straight into your soul. Lifting you up, he lined the head of his cock with your slick opening and lowered you onto him. YOu felt yourself stretching ten closing around him as he filled you with a hard thrust. Gripping your waist, he held you steady as he pumped into you hard and fast. TOy arms wrapped around his neck, holding yourself close to his heated chest, the heat searing into you. He fell forward, bringing you back to the bed, then lifted one of your legs to his waist. THis angle allowed him to drive deeper inside you, filling you completely. 

His eyes never left you, watching you as you inched closer to your building orgasm. YOu head fell back and your body arched, forcing your hips down to meet his thrusts. Deep guttural growls filled the room, mixing with your heavy breaths. He teeth sunk into you shoulder as he muffled a moan. It was deliciously painful, and you craved more. You drove your nails into his arms, desperate to pull him down to you. Something flashed in his eyes before he crashed his lips to yours in a forceful kiss. His hips rocked into you, hard and fast, the pace never relenting. 

“So fucking good for me!” He growled before biting your shoulder again. You couldn’t help the small scream that came out as you held him to you. This dark, dominant Taemin was in control, and he wasn’t going to grant you a moment of respice. Lifting himself to his knees, he grabbed you legs and pulled you to him. Lifting your ass off the bed, he dug his strong fingers into your flesh, hard enough you knew there would be bruises in the morning. Yoru breasts bounced as you were rocked back and forth. Your hands searched for something, anything, to ground yourself. The force of him fucking into you, pushed you forward, causing your arms to give out and your upper body to lay into the mattress. Fingers did one again into your hips, holding you still as he relentlessly pounded into you. 

Suddenly, without warning, you were left without contact. A cold wave of air washed over you. Your eyes flew open in wonder searching for him. He was smilin down at you with the wicked grin again, reaching for your waist then easily flipping you over onto your stomach. There was a sting as his hand smacked your ass, hard. The sensation was instantly replaced with a soothing rub before another sting can again. You screamed into the sheets, tears starting to form behind your lids at the sweet torture he was giving you. 

“On all fours, now!” he barked out the order. You quickly obliged, you arms and legs shaking as they held you up. Without any warning, he was thrusting into you again. 

He leaned over your back, one of his hands grabbing your hand. He led it between your legs, guiding your fingers to you swollen clit. He made you rub small circles, massaging your already overstimulated bundle. He whispered into your ear, “Don’t stop until I tell you to, or else you’ll be in trouble.”

You obeyed his command as he rose back up. He splayed one hand on your back to push you down more, while the other hand grabbed your hair, wrapping it around his fingers before giving it a firm tug. Your head lifted up as the other hand encircled your throat. 

“You ready to cum for me? Fuck, I want to watch you come undone for me.” You didn’t think he could fuck into you any harder or faster than he already was, but tonight was full of surprises. 

You could feel your thighs beginning to quiver, reaching the point where they would no longer be able to keep you up. The rhythm of his thrusts began to fault, his fingers closing around your throat with a bit of pressure. 

“I’m close, Tae! Please let me cum!” You begged. With one more forceful thrust, you were coming unhinged. Wave after wave rushed thought your body as you came around his cock.  White hot heat flooded you as you screamed his name, your voice echoing off the walls. 

He stilled his movements and you could feel his release as he came inside you. His cock twitching as his cum filled you. He fell forward, the weight of his body forcing you to fall fully onto the bed. His sweat coated body pressed against you as his hot breath fanned over your neck. You both laid there, panting, as the remnants of orgasms washed over you both. Tae rolled over, bringing your body to his as he snuggled into your back.

“Damn, babe. I- I don’t know what came over me. I hope I didn’t hurt you.” he searched your body for any remaining marks he may have left.

“I told you I was dessert, but I didn’t know you were that hungry” you laughed as your turn to face him. The dominant Taemin was gone from his eyes, and it its place was the kind loving Tae. He searched your expression for any signs of discomfort, sighing when he found none. He placed a tender kiss to your lips, relishing in the way you responded. 

“I love you, Y/N. I hope you know I would never do anything to hurt you.” 

“ I know Tae, and you didn’t. Actually, I kind of like that side of you. It dangerous yet exciting. I’m surprised I haven’t see it until now.” Yor swiped a damp strand of hair from his forehead, relaxing your body into his embrace. 

“I never knew that side of me existed.” he said innocently. As you both came down from your highs, you felt your lids becoming heavy and sleep was tugging at your exhausted and sated body. 

“Sleep now princess. I love you.” he whispered as you began drifting off. 

“I love you too, Taeminie.” were the last words you said before falling asleep, secure in his arms. His heartbeat lulling you with a rhythmic beat.

[rlw775]

Monday thoughts……..

I feel proud of the life I am living at the moment. I have come such a long way from that lonely, liar I was as a child. Today I am loved and safe. My son has grown into such a lovely young man, who is out in the world living his own life. He is so independent. My husband is just very soothing, he has taught me so much. I am a much stronger person than I ever knew I could be but it is also ok on days when I want to just lay on the sofa with a book or my IPad for hours.My work while tiring brings me such self worth, every single shift I am able to be helpful in some way big or small. Even with all this positive I still find those feelings of fear from deep inside myself. I find my Monday evening therapy to be such a useful tool. It began with my beloved Dr. Korwin in 2008 thru to today to the lovely Laura my current therapist. She is vey kind and encouraging. I am trying out this new habit tracker to try and keep myself on a balanced lifestyle, with less of the highs & lows. Today on Day two I have hit more of these improved habits, lets see where we are this time next Monday.

Happy Hugs ALL

#changestartswithme #mondaythoughts #accountablity #habittracker #therapy

[thirstyfortom]

High School Band AU: Ch. 18

“Disappointment.” He states stoically.

“What?”

“I’m disappointed at you.” Jumin crosses his arms and… is the door open? Because you feel colder, like all the snow is coming inside the store… or maybe is just his face expression. “That’s how I feel about you, MC.”

“Okay. Thanks for the…uhm, honesty, I…”

“I’m not done.” You furrow your eyebrows as he raises his hand to stop you from talking. “Please, listen. I’m not talking about just looking at me like that with those big eyes of yours and feign attention, I need you to listen, MC.”

“I’m listening, Jumin.” You nod, more to yourself than to him.

“What you did was irresponsible, immature, and reckless. I… was very shocked in light of the situation, that’s why I didn’t take action right in the spot, but just know if I wasn’t so… overwhelmed, MC, I wouldn’t let things go as they did. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, Jumin. I… I’m sorry for accusing you, calling you a cheater, I… I misunderstood, I…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sleeping with V, calling you a cheater…?” you both stare at each other in puzzlement. “Wait. What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you quitting the band all of a sudden.” What?

You blink in surprise, your mouth half ajar as you decide what to say next.

“All… all of a sudden? Jumin, you… heard all that conversation we all had in the dark, right?”

“Yes.”

“And…? You’re still not able to understand why would I quit the band?”

“No, I can’t see how all that conversation could be related with such a irresponsible decision.”

Oh Jesus… he… he is talking seriously, isn’t he?

“So, you don’t understand how my latest decisions created a tense environment, making the work as a band impossible?”

“When did this happen, MC?”

“When Rika told me I’m manipulating all of you!” you yell, immediately regretting for losing control like this.

Jumin stares at you, he doesn’t widen his eyes, it almost looks like he’s not breathing.

“Are you?”

“What?”

“Are you manipulating all of us? Do you feel like you’ve gained something out of this?”

“I…”

“Because as far as I can tell, you don’t look so happy for someone who theoretically succeeded in her manipulative plans of… dominance.”

Your eyes lock with his once more.

“To me, it looks like you got hurt by hearing such harsh words.”

“Well, wouldn’t you?”

“I wouldn’t, because I know myself enough to know what is true and what is not about me. I… though we were alike in that sense… but I think I was wrong.”

“And that’s why you’re disappointed?”

“Yes, a little. But also because I would never imagine you would give up so easily.”

“Come on, Jumin, now you’re being insensitive, you heard what Rika said.”

“I did, and to me it just felt like ranting of a paranoid mind affected by drugs, which I take full responsibility for, believe me. And it should feel to you as well, MC. You’re smart and… fierce, you’re the girl who made not only me, but Saeran to shut up and listen to you sing out loud how you are the greatest star! And… I can’t believe that girl wouldn’t get disappointed at what you’re doing right now as much as I am.”

“So… you’re just here to make me feel guilty for leaving?”

Now he widens his eyes, fumbling his hands as he adjusts his posture and clears his throat.

“No, MC. I’m here to remind you how amazingly talented you are and how you should not let something like this to defeat you! I… know I can be very cold sometimes, you saw how I have to be because of the kind of environment my father exposes me, but I would never let someone I care to torture themselves like you are doing right now.”

“I’m not torturing myself, Jumin. I… am leaving you guys so you will forget all the mess I made. This isn’t just about me, this is about… oh God…” you sigh, looking above to fight the tears.

“What?”

“I am becoming my mother, that’s all.”

“What… what do you mean?”

“I am… weird, and… I have so much anger inside me. I hurt people unintentionally, but as soon as I realize what I did, I run away. That’s what my mom did, that’s… that’s what I’m doing.”

“MC...”

“Yes, Jumin. I’m acting like her. Don’t you… don’t you wonder if you ever will start acting like your father?”

“I highly doubt it.”

“But what if you did? What’s the worst feature on your father you can think of and that you would hate to have yourself?”

“His weakness towards women…” he blinks slowly. And it doesn’t take a genius to know what he’s thinking, the guy who was getting drugs for a girl who was supposed to be in rehab. “I insist you reconsider, MC, I…”

“Thank you, Jumin.” You walk towards him, giving a squeeze in his hand. “You’re not weak. You’re just considerate to the people you care, that’s vey noble.”

“Why do I feel you’re trying to smother the situation and not coming back?”

“Because I’m not. I’m sorry, Jumin, but… my mom was selfish, but… you have to be at some point. I mean…she’s happy now, so… all I want is to be happy.”

“MC, I…”

“And I know that’s what you want, not only for me, but for everybody in the band, since you are very considerate. “

Jumin sighs as you walk him to the door. Is he still trying to convince you? No, he won’t. He saw for himself how much talking about your mother affects you, he knows very well how parents can affect someone. And as he waves an awkward goodbye, you sigh in relief. Maybe you didn’t fuck up all of them, at least Jumin is fine enough not to let him fall for someone like you. Too bad you never really became friends.

But maybe is for the best. You’re so used to being lonely, this doesn’t have to change, maybe it never did.

“I never loved nobody fully. Always one foot on the ground. And by protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds…”

The next day, you took the bus to school, your headphones became your old pals again.

“I hear in my mind, all these voices. I hear in my mind, all these words. I hear in my mind, all this music. And it breaks my heart… And it breaks my heart…”

Walking down the hallway, you kept staring at you sneakers the whole way to your locker. You could feel many figures passing behind you, but only one made you raise your gaze a little.

Saeran dyed his hair…it looks like shit.

“Suppose I never ever met you, suppose we never fell in love. Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so so-o-o-o-oft…”

Ugh… chemistry class right now, where is that fucking book? Ah, you really need to remember organizing your books by the order of the classes you’ll have and… oh… the flyer for the audition… why did you keep it? Well, you planned to glue in the door of your locker, along with the pic you took with the band before that show you guys did at that senior’s party…

“Suppose I never ever saw you. Suppose you never ever called. Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall…”

You’re about to close the door of your locker, but someone does the… uhm, favor for you. For one moment, you wonder if Saeran turned around and came… no, why would he do that? It’s not Saeran! It’s…

“Ja-Jaehee!”

She says something, but you don’t listen. Oh, right! Headphones… you take them off and shake your head, signing for her to speak again.

“I said we need to talk.”

“Oh, uhm… I would like to, but I have class right now…”

“You’re pretty decent in chemistry, MC.”

“Yeah, because I attend classes. And how do you know that?”

“I keep an eye in all the band members’ grades, it’s important to balance education with practicing, you know?” ah Jaehee… so caring, so diligent… and how did you repay her? By not letting her coming out to you when she was trying…

“Well, that’s nice, but you don’t have to worry about my grades anymore, since I’m not a member…”

“Come with me, MC.” She ignores you and places a hand in your shoulder, giving you a little shove to walk forward.

“Jaehee, I… where are we going?”

“To talk, MC, as I just said.”

“If this is about the band, I… I already talked to Jumin, and…”

“Jumin is not in charge, I am.” She sighs. “And you can never send a man to do a woman’s job, can you?”

Oh… did she… did she tell Jumin to go talk to you last night? Did she tell Saeyoung too? No, that’s unlikely.

“If… if you say so…”

“Good. That’s why the three of us are going to talk this through as women.”

“Three?”

You recognize the place, it’s the abandoned musical theatre room, the place the band gets together to quick meetings and, in a one time case, where Jumin almost jumped in Zen’s throat. Gosh… it feels like ages, but it happened less than a month ago, everything happened in less than four weeks ago… and so much has happened…

It’s a place with bad memories, but it can get worse, because when you and Jaehee walk in to, you see a very familiar figure jumping from her chair.

“Jaehee, what the hell? What is she doing here?”

Funny, you could ask the same.

“Well, Rika, as I just told MC, we’re going to solve this as women. Sit, you two.”

← Chapter 17 | Chapter 19  →

#mystic messenger fics #mystic messenger #mystic messenger au #jumin han #jumin x mc #jaehee kang #jaehee x mc #rika #high school au