#how at the end of all things is my mother the most resonable open minded person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

absolutebl · 1 year

Text

This Week In BL - I give out a bunch of 7/10s

Nov 2022 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 3 of 12 - I’m beginning to get concerned about where the plot, pace, and conflict is going to come from. So far it’s all angst and internal conflict, and I’m not entirely opposed to that, but there needs to be some external stressors in Thai BL or it’s not enough to carry 12 episodes (especially if it’s helmed by New). WATCH ALONG HERE.

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 9 of 10 - something actually happened in this ep, we got some of Ai’s family history & backstory. Evil mother is evil. Sister may be evil too. But it’s still shirtless so I’m pleased. Also, yay, no singing!

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 7 of 12 - Name has finally made a new friend. JaFirst remain the most interesting. I actually don’t mind the show when it’s focused on them, but most of the rest of the time I find it, if not boring, at least not something that engages me personally. Although, the younger boy flirting with Em after cheer practice was kind of cute.

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 2 of 12 - Thi is such a pushover. Look, I’m just not wild about this lead pair dynamic and I absolutely can’t stand the score.

609 Bedtime Story (Sat WeTV) 1 of 11 - Didn’t drop to WETV in my territory, no idea what’s going on. I’ll have a bit of a hunt when I get home.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 8 of 12 - Every week I look forward to this show the most. We knew it had to happen, but it’s really sad to see our traumatized bar-boy break our beloved dentist’s heart. We all know they’re in love with each other, they also know it. But Bai Lang is very very scared of commitment and the dentist is a good boy who keeps getting hurt by other’s inability to trust and open up. The past romance was really sad and sadly true to life. Is it better to have a friend’s love or pity, if all you really wanted was friendship? I like how complicated all of these characters are. I love the conversation the leads had with each other after Bai Lang finally admits to his true feelings. Such a good show.

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 6 of 8 - This show is so sad. I sometimes wonder if Kochi remains alive entirely because Michan wills him to be so. Does anybody else wonder if the gay biology teacher who lost his first love is a nod to Boys Love? Just me?

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 7-8 of 10 - The pacing is so good in this show. Also, I am completely and utterly in love with the ex-bf (hi, Wild Dog, long time no see, wanna run away with me instead?)

Happy Ending Romance (Korea Thurs Gaga) 1-2 of 8 - Very dramatic opening. I like it. Leo is stupid pretty. This is a complicated, if improbable, plot about writers and ego and reputation, but engaging. (For a change I like the OST, Leo is also one of my favorite main singers among the honey-voices of Kpop.)

Finished This Week

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 8fin - An excellent confession sequence. I was a little surprised. Usually confession scenes make me wince, but this one was lovely. I’m not a fan of the Kdrama “separation in the final episode” (see Big D) but in this particular instance, I understand why they did it. The characters did need to mature and build new lives. It’s just annoying that they couldn’t do it together. All in all? This is a light horror plus family drama built around a well executed BL trough-line that felt honestly queer with great chemistry from the lead pair. (I hope that we see more of them.) For me personally the surrounding cast, premise, and story didn’t resonate but if you like a touch of gothic in your BL this might appeal. RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS 7/10

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 8fin - I really don’t like Thailand copying Korea’s arbitrary “separation in the final episode” thing. So for me this final episode wasn’t very satisfying. Ultimately? This is a decent execution of enemies to lovers, exploring some darker themes and nodding at kink in a more respectful way than Mame could ever dream, plus excellent chemistry, but something was askew around plot, directing, and ending. RECOMMENDED FOR THE LEAD PAIR, BUT NOT MUCH ELSE 7/10

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 8fin - Japan sure does love the “running of the gays” trope. Only this time around they ran together. Which was kind of cute. Honestly? This probably should’ve been my favorite BL of all time, but for some reason it just never resonated with me. Also, I’m over the no kiss thing. I’m tired. If they kiss in het, they can kiss in gay. IT’S FINE. 7/10

Apparently, when Japanese BL is good, it’s very very good, and when it’s bad I’m annoyed.

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y (Thai Gaga) 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 16 eps - could be sad v worried

2 Moons 3 (Thai Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising and stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.

How is he so hot? Asking for science.

In Case You Missed It

My Roommate (Thai YT) 32 eps of 2 minutes each now done, it’s terrible production values so I’m not bothering but it’s been repackaged into 8 min chunks on the youtubes.

Fahlanruk (Thai GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5 but it’s finished now, someone who knows my taste tell me if I should I bother?

SELF (Thai Thurs YT) is complete at 6 eps, anyone watch this one? Is it sad? Worth watching?

LITA special - it’s exactly as trashy and kinky as you want it to be. Go indulge, you lushes. Rain & Payu, man, wow. Also, the sound is terrible. But no one cares much about the script, least of all the writers.

GAP the series (Sat YT) is a classic office set romance. WATCH IT! It’s GL and this studio needs our support! (Also, the stairs are back!)

Coming to Viki: Love in the Air, ITSAY & IPYTM, Remember Me, and new KBL, The New Employee.

Gossip:

GMMTV posted their pilot trailers for 2023. I reported on them all here. Fewer this year than last which is a good thing, they should slow down and focus more.

How did my predictions go? Not good. Scored a 6/10 maybe 6.5 if you’re feeling generous.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2022 still to come?

Dec 9: Semantic Error movie (Viki) - the repackage rumored to have some added footage.

Dec 19: Chains of Heart (movie? theaters?) trailer Suspense thriller about a forest ranger, smugglers, memory loss, and lost love. Stars Haii (Cirrus in TT2) and Poppy (Porpla in YYY). Adapted from a Y-novel of the same name by TJ Tommy. I don’t know if this is still releasing or if C19 has effected it.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Win, my love! Just call me his of the morning, hia. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, hia.

In Stongberry we trust! *consent in the house*

This week’s earworm: Just B - Me (srs where did these boys come from? so good)

(last week)

207 notes · View notes

guizika · 4 months

Note

Oii Gui! It's so cool to see another Brazilian here, anyway. Could you do a Rick Grimes x Ftm!Reader? I've been looking for something like this for days, but I just can't find it, lmao. Sou só um pobre garoto que quer fanficar 😭

My boy

Rick Grimes x FTM! Reader

Cw - FTM! reader, you/yours pronouns, pet name (My boy), angst to fluff, Maybe it's a bit ooc.

Synopsis - You've always loved Rick, but due to some life situations you ended up drifting apart. But thanks to the apocalypse, you finally found each other again after so long apart.

Word count - 906

Well, during your teenage years you had several friends, including Rick. You've always been close, and Grimes was one of the people who supported you the most when you discovered you were trans.

Rick never judged you, always complimenting you and reaffirming how much of a man you were to him, making you fall in love with him little by little. During your first dose of testosterone he was there to support you, encouraging you and holding your hand. What's more, he saved up and gave you your first binder as a birthday present.

At that time you were absolutely sure that he liked you back in a romantic way, thinking about the different way he treated you. Rick even called you "My boy." And also the way he looked at you, his blue eyes expressed things he didn't have the courage to say out loud.

The fact is that Rick loved you, but he couldn't date you, at least at the time, because he knew his father would probably never accept it. Besides, he knew it would cause a lot of problems for both of you, so he never confessed anything. Well, he never gave you an explanation either, not wanting to fill your head with his worries and problems.

However, you had your heart broken when you saw that he had married Lori, thinking that you probably couldn't date him over anymore and that he had never really loved you. With no alternative, you decided to get over this ex-love of yours and then moved on - tried to move on in reality.

Well, for a while you stayed apart, even lost touch completely, becoming strangers again. Rick went on with his life and you went on with yours. You've made friends, lost friends, got a job, bought an apartment in the city and even met some interesting people, but it never came to anything.

That is, until the apocalypse happened, a lot of things happened, you lost your apartment, you lost your car, you were hunted by zombies and even by people. However, your journey took you to Alexandria, where you were finally able to start a new life.

...

You hear some noises and go outside to check that some new people have arrived. You quickly go to Aaron to find out who these new people are. "Hey Aaron, sorry to come here out of the blue, who are all these people?" You ask as some of them are being interviewed by Deanna.

Aaron just smiles at you and then lets out a sigh, starting to tell you a bit about the group he's found. However, when you hear the name of a member, you raise an eyebrow, a gesture that leaves the man in front of you puzzled.

"Do you know him by any chance?" Aaron asks, he stares at you for a few moments and then you finally work up the courage to speak. "I do, that is, if he's who I really think he is." Fear and concern for Rick's safety suddenly come over you, causing you to fall silent.

Aaron, realizing your state, tells you to go back into the house, something you do without question, needing some time to calm your mind.

...

A melody resonated in your head, making you sing it out loud while you were drying the dishes, a habit you've always had. In fact, your mother used to do this, so you probably picked up the habit from her.

Soon you hear a knock on the door. "I'm coming!" You shout from the kitchen, wiping your hands with a tea towel and going to open the door. "Sorry for the delay, I was drying some-" You stop as you realize who is standing in front of you.

"Rick..." You say in a whisper, afraid that maybe he's not real. It's certainly Rick, a little older and maybe even a little trimmer, but it's still him. Soon, you feel a sensation you haven't felt for a long time and then you're sure that you still haven't gotten over the passion you had for him in the past.

"You haven’t changed much, my boy." His words bring tears to your eyes and then, without a second thought, you wrap him in a tight hug, which is soon reciprocated by Rick.

"I've missed you so much..." Your voice comes out muffled because your head is buried in his shoulder. Hot tears run down your cheeks and then stain Rick's clothes, and he hugs you tighter as he hears your words.

"Me too, I'm sorry for letting you down, I never wanted to walk away from you, I just didn't want my dad to-" You cut him off. "I know, it's okay." In reality, you didn't know and it wasn't okay, but that's a conversation for another time.

"I just wanted my boy back, I've missed you so much these last few years..." He says, his voice coming out muffled because his head is buried in the crook of your neck. His words make you blush and then stop crying, pulling away slightly.

"And now you'll have all the time in the world to make up for it, but first we need to talk." With that, you pull him inside and close the door, taking him into the living room so you can talk in peace.

Maybe you'll finally be together after all this time, it's worth the risk…

Author’s note: I hope you enjoyed it, I loved doing this oneshot. Aliás, é realmente muito difícil achar fanfics do Rick com leitores FTM, eu amei o seu pedido! ♡

Please don't translate or copy my work and don't repost on other social networks, if there are any grammatical errors I ask you to excuse me!

#male reader #ftm reader #ftm!reader #twd x ftm readed #rick grimes x ftm reader #twd x male reader

53 notes · View notes

rosemelon82 · 11 months

Text

i'm not going to pretend like i think nobody is interested cuz this is the best movie of 2023 and you cannot tell me otherwise and also everyone has been waiting for this for forever so

SPOILER WARNING I AM RANTING ABOUT SPIDERMAN ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SO BEWARE IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET

im writing this because i wasnt able to fully rant to my friends and my family doesnt want to listen so i dont really care and im screaming out into the void of tumblr. will someone hear me? i wonder

ANYWAYS (listening to the fire soundtrack as i write this)

that was the best movie i've ever seen and arguably even better than the first one. i am simply obsessed with every single detail of this movie and i cannot stop thinking about it. also me and friend were basically freaking out about everything cuz it was so damn good i cannot even stop.

there was a huge amount of parallels to the other spiderman content that we've seen and i love the way they incorporated them. the way miles saved gwen when falling during that one fight scene with spot. the bus scene with pavitr and gayatri who btw i am totally obsessed with. the way all the words that O'Hara said to miles were basically opposite of what his mother said to him earlier in the movie. the way he was listening to music on his bed when gwen showed up. the scenes from other universes where its mcu canon??? the reference to earth 19999 from miguel??? and a ton more of course

because i am also desi (lore reveal!) and also just because he was done so well. im just sad that they did not include more of him in the movie after his earth canon event was disrupted. it felt pretty raw to see almost the same scene from no way home in across the spiderverse with pavitr instead of tom holland. i also like that regardless of what consequences it has later, even if he doesnt know yet, he's able to save inspector singh. also mentionable is that they switched from mira jain to gayatri singh. in the spiderman india comics they had mira jain and props to the creators for the rep for jains cuz they don't get seen in media very much or at all for whatever reason. maybe cuz most of it is now like gwen stacy canon or whatever? idk someone if u know explain to me please

not related to parallels i almost cried at gwen's speech just cuz it resonated with me so much. thats all about that anyways anyways anyways

the art

god i could go on about the art forever. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? TELL ME THAT IS NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SCENE EVER!!!!!!!!!!! every single city scene just blew my mind and the coloring and style of every single spiderman and scene was just stunning and how was it the most amazing thing i've ever seen?????? i cannot get over the coloring for half the scenes. i love the cities differences and the way that everything falls together in each world. my friend pointed out that when miles put his jacket on in earth-42, it was colored purple and black instead of his usual colors, which indicated so much of how he was prowler in this world instead of spiderman. i think it was interesting also to see that switch of character and did you see the way that his face was much more aged as prowler? there were a lot more lines there and he looked more mature in a way. miles morales from earth-1610 had cleaner lines and a lot more chill vibe. also like the character design for miles morales earth 42 holy shit bro that was so cool i cannot even did u see the lines on his chest and the helmet/headpiece thing the way it opened and his hair and voice and omg

ughh don't even mention the ending cuz why did they have to leave on such a cliffhanger like that??? we have to wait until i think next year for the next movie and i will be in the theaters on that premeire night regardless of what i have to get done that night i dont care. im so excited to see what they will do next i can already imagine some of it and its gonna be so beautiful!!!!!!!!!! <333

thanks for reading to the end. i love you guys!

#spiderman #across the spiderverse #miles morales #gwen stacy #pavitr prabhakar #hobie brown #across the spider verse #spiderverse #gayatri #inspector singh #miguel ohara #peter parker #spiderman no way home #the amazing spider man

62 notes · View notes

weissaddams · 1 year

Text

Date with Death

Chapter 3

Wednesday Addams rarely failed at anything in her twenty-two years on this massive rock called Earth.

She failed to save Nero.

She failed to uncover Tyler as the Hyde before things became exponentially worse.

She failed to stop her heart from falling in love with Enid Sinclair.

The raven refused to add anything more to that list. Specifically anything even remotely related to waking up a nocturnal vampire. She was sorely tempted to stuff a roll of garlic bread into the vampire’s mouth, but that would surely hinder the girl’s ability to walk down the aisle as the maid of honor.

Enid would be sad were that to happen. Wednesday was left with no other choice when the vampire refused to get up yet again.

She set the bed on fire.

Well, she would have liked to. Instead she had to settle for pouring ice water all over Yoko’s face. Only slightly making sure she didn’t drown herself somehow.

“What the fuck!”

“Welcome to the land of the living, Tanaka.”

“Addams!”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to kill you!”

“You would be surprised how easy of a feat that would be today.”

Wednesday gave a quick nod to a very amused Divina before promptly walking back to the suite’s kitchen to return the glass she borrowed for the water. She could faintly hear the siren’s chuckles as she calmed down her nocturnal girlfriend.

All was well.

For now.

She was left with nothing to do or anyone to talk to as Enid was called on by one of the photographers. The raven idly wandered into the music room. Acoustic plywood, soundproof panels and sound curtains. Ah. Maybe she should have brought her cello for one last performance.

She settled for the grand piano. Steinway & Sons. Shiny but dusty.

Wednesday sat behind the keys as she opened the lid. There was nothing sadder for an instrument than to be displayed instead of brought to its full potential. She had no doubt that most visitors who could afford the penthouse suite would be able to play some music, but an instrument of this quality deserved more than just dust and the occasional love song.

She let her hands do as they please, pressing into the keys, no actual piece in mind when Bianca Barclay emerged from another room, all dressed up and ready for the make-up team. Though, the raven wondered if anything more could be done to enhance a siren's naturally alluring features.

“I didn’t know you could play the piano.”

“My mother taught me. I just happened to resonate with the cello more.”

“Couldn’t fit one in Ophelia Hall dorms?”

“The floor would have collapsed under the weight.”

“Just like you’re trying not to now?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Happy human beings don't play Kreisler’s Liebesleid, Addams.”

Oh. Was that the piece she was playing? How... appropriate.

“I do not consider myself happy or human, but your curiosity begs the question, why do you know the piece?”

Deflection. What were the lyrics Enid kept singing at godawful hours in their dorm? Ah. Conceal, don’t feel.

“This doesn’t seem like you at all.”.

"And what exactly do I seem like?”

“Like the love of your life is getting married, but not to you.”

Wednesday chuckled darkly but continued to play. Bianca seemed content to listen. No, Enid was not getting married to her and that, decidedly, was best for everyone. Wednesday had long since made peace with it.

The siren often forgot that Wednesday was only human. A formidable and feared outcast, sure, but still quite human though she didn't consider herself as much. It seemed even ravens weren't immune to heartbreak. The piece ends and Bianca feels her own heart clench painfully at the sad smile on Wednesday’s face.

“You’re many things, Wednesday, but you’re not a coward. You still have at least a few hours to tell her.”

“There is nothing to tell, Bianca. I was simply passing the time.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“When have I never?”

“Today’s a good a day as any to start being wrong, Wednesday.”

Wednesday knew Bianca easily saw through her poker face, but there wasn’t much she could say to keep the siren from pushing. It would be best to reply with silence. It was fortunate that Enid walked into the room when she did.

“Hi, girls!”

The dour mood immediately changed thanks to the sunny werewolf and Bianca quickly followed her lead. What was that saying? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink?

“Enid, did you know Wednesday could play?”

“The piano? Oh yeah and she’s really good! She always plays me a few songs whenever I visit the Addams’ Manor during our breaks.”

Bianca raised an eyebrow and all but gloated in front of Wednesday upon hearing this little snippet of information she so conveniently kept under wraps. She never should have even asked. Enid always spent a few weeks over the year at the Addams’ manor. Personally invited by Wednesday and/or her family. Of course the werewolf knew about Wednesday’s apparent ability to master just about any instrument.

“Why aren’t you preparing?” Wednesday intervened as the blonde werewolf sat beside her on the stool, close enough that they were pressed against each other even though there was plenty of space on each side.

She was now dressed in what seemed to be a loose, white dress that ended at her knees, blonde hair softly dried and with the new bracelet very noticeable on her wrist. Along with the engagement ring from Ajax, of course.

“They said they’d prepare me last. Divina is first up. Yoko is taking a bath so I think Bianca’s next. They took a few photos but they said I’m free until then.”

The siren eyed the way Enid’s hands started pressing down on the keys. Wrist up and loose as her fingers flew about the piano. Another piece Bianca recognized. Salut D’Amour.

“Didn’t know you could play, too.” Bianca leaned in slightly.

Wednesday and Enid certainly looked good together. She couldn’t keep convincing herself otherwise as Wednesday liked to do to herself and everyone else. Ajax was a good guy, but how did he ever hope to match up to this?

Only Enid Sinclair could enthrall Wednesday Addams like this. Like she plucked the moon from the sky and gave it to the raven when all she was really doing was playing the piano.

“Wednesday taught me.” Enid smiled at her as she continued playing, even giving the raven a slight nudge to get her to join in.

“Really?” Bianca inquired.

“Yes. Enid was certainly dedicated to learn some sort of music during our last two summers at Nevermore.”

“Why? I always thought singing was more your thing.”

“Singing is fun, but I saw Mrs. Addams accompany Wednesday when she played the cello. I thought it would be neat if I could do that for Wednesday, too. Turns out I still need to put in a few more years of practice for that.”

“That’s not true. You’ve accompanied me plenty.”

“I don’t think it counts as plenty when I only learned on piece, Wends. I was only able to play so much because you practiced with me for hours every day during those summers.”

Well, Wednesday could argue that it did, in fact, count. Their rendition of Salut D’Amout was certainly nothing to scoff at. She'd personally witnessed the effort Enid put into learning to play. There were days she would not stop until Morticia encouraged her to rest or Wednesday invited her for a walk.

“I think I’ll go make sure Yoko hasn’t fallen asleep in the bath. I’ll come get you when it’s your turn, Enid.”

Bianca gave them a small smile before walking away. Enid gave her a quick thumbs up and Wednesday nodded and gave her what seemed like a grateful look. It was hard to tell.

Saluit D’Amour was literally French for “Hello, my love.”

Enid and Wednesday apparently accompanied each other for Salut D’Amour. A piece originally written as the composer’s gift to his future wife for their engagement.

They were even dressed in black and white and Bianca would have been blind not to notice the matching Es on Enid’s new bracelet and Wednesday’s signet ring. It made no sense and at the same time it made so, so much sense.

Bianca could only conclude one thing. They were hopeless.

She wasn’t one to interfere, though. Maybe a little bit? At least?

Sure, this was something they had to figure out by themselves, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask the hired photographer to take a few candid shots of Enid and Wednesday at the piano.

For... the wedding album. Surely.

Date With Death master post

All the chapters are in the master post up there!

This fic is really just me indulging myself. I’ve always been an angst writer because it’s very easy to draw from heartbreak. I can’t promise any consistency but I have ideas in mind that I will certainly be writing out. Still on the fence about making an AO3 account. I love reading and discussing in comments, though, so I might actually make an account.

I linked Liebesleid and Salut D’Amour. Try to start listening once the piece is mentioned in the fic. It adds angst, I promise!

Saluit D’Amour isn’t a beginner piece but for the sake of the plot, let’s say Enid managed to accompany Wednesday by the end of that summer. I’ve read the sheet music for the piano and it would take a lot of practice for a beginner but it’s very doable.

Also, watch how the women in the video play. I imagine Enid and Wednesday’s movements to be about the same.

And yes I got Liebesleid from watching YLIA. It’s Kousei’s rendition in the anime. Go watch it, too, if you haven’t already! Full of angst.

#wenclair #wednesday addams #enid sinclair #wednesday x enid #enid x wednesday #wenclair fanfic #wenclair fanfiction #angst #wenclair angst #addams #addams family curse #yoko tanaka #divina #bianca barclay

73 notes · View notes

oakdll · 23 hours

Text

my favorite palaces in persona 5 royal ranked !! (MAJOR SPOILERS FOR PERSONA 5 ROYAL)

1 - Maruki’s Palace

This is easily the best in the game, Maruki is such a wonderful character and he works fantastically as an antagonist. The palace uses its time to let you in to Maruki’s mindset, showing you cassette tapes of his key memories and forcing you to answer questions the way he would. You really understand his psyche by the end, and his boss fight might be my favorite in the game. The first phase is surprisingly difficult, even when I was using Izanagi No Okami Picaro, and the story in the next phases are phenomenal. Maruki’s defeat and the cutscene of him grabbing the snowflakes as they fall is gorgeous, and having the palace end with Maruki and Joker having a flat out fistfight is a stroke of genius. there’s so much emotion with Maruki, and he has so much depth as an antagonist, he honestly puts other palace rulers to shame. It’s perfect. Also the checkmate cutscene is amazing.

2 - Futaba’s Palace

Futaba’s palace is tied with number three for me, as someone who has dealt with literally the exact same things Futaba has (loss and agoraphobia) this palace is so interesting. The fragile state of her mind, the puzzles of her memories of her mother, and the aesthetics of the pyramid are so well done. The only things I don’t like is how Wakaba’s death was treated. It actually is a good decision story wise on a larger scale, but in terms of the emotional core of the palace, having her be murdered in a government plot feels much less personal. It definitely is a good decision for Shido’s arc, but it ruins some of the relatability and emotional resonance in Futaba’s palace.

3 - Sae’s Palace

This is tied with Futaba’s palace for me. I’m including the whole aftermath of Sae’s palace in this ranking, and everything with Akechi’s betrayal was done perfectly. The gameplay of this palace is phenomenal, and the aesthetics are INSANE. Whims of Fate singlehandedly brings this palace up a spot on the list. The casino visuals are gorgeous, and this palace being the one from the beginning sequence is ingenious. This palace is the culmination of everything P5 was building up to, even more than Shido’s and the Depths of Mementos in my opinion. Seeing everything come together was phenomenal to see. The only issue I had was how the Phantom Thieves were able to plan the whole fakeout death with Akechi so perfectly. I don’t mind the complexity like a lot of people do, I just feel like there’s no way this group of high schoolers would be able to plan something as elaborate as this. Still, phenomenal palace.

4 - Kamoshida’s Palace

This one is just a phenomenal opening palace for the game. Kamoshida is probably the single most hate-able villains in the series, and they did a great job establishing that. The library puzzles were actually a lot of fun for me, and the gameplay was much more challenging because of how early in the game it was. I was really only playing P5 for the story, so I was just using Izanagi no Okami Picaro the whole time, but in hindsight, the palaces before you could just buy Izanagi were definitely more interesting gameplay wise. Phenomenal opener for the game, and it sets the stage so well.

5 - Shido’s Palace

The penultimate palace in the base game, and the primary villain throughout the series. Shido’s palace was a lot of fun for me, Akechi’s betrayal is a great story element added to the palace, and the idea of having to beat all the 5 bosses before you can progress is super cool. I don’t get the hate for the rat puzzles, they definitely drag on too long, but they weren’t a bad concept from the start. It was pretty fun doing the rat puzzles the first few times, I just think they were too long and there were too many of them.

6 - Madarame’s Palace

I might be in the minority for enjoying this palace as much as I do. I really like Yusuke and his arc, and the gameplay behind this palace helps that even more. The laser puzzles and paintings of Madarame’s pupils added a lot for me. I honestly really enjoyed Madarame as a villain, the story and gameplay behind this palace was great and the only thing I don’t like is the puzzles inside the paintings. I also didn’t mind the Sayuri puzzles either, they weren’t super difficult and it makes a lot of sense for Madarame.

7 - Depths of Mementos

I really wish this palace was longer, but I get why it isn’t. Qliphoth was honestly kind of boring, it was just a bunch of enemies with no challenge, especially at this stage in the game. I could 1 or 2 shot every single mini boss, mostly because I had Myriad Truths, but even with more balanced attacks these fights were too easy. The final boss fight and Sheriruth carry this palace for me. I did enjoy the light floor puzzles and the concept of the palace, although the light floor puzzles were too confusing at times. There were some puzzles that were physically impossible to do until I did something else and sometimes the game just never told me, I had to look it up and realize I missed a button. The Yaldabaoth fight was a lot of fun, and the ending with fighting god with satan was definitely corny, but it was thematically resonant and entertaining, so it gets a pass. A great finish to the base game.

8 - Kaneshiro’s Palace

I didn’t love this one as much as some other people. I understand this is Makoto’s arc, but she wasn’t super involved with Kaneshiro really, she only got involved to help the Phantom Thieves with their change of heart. As a result, Kaneshiro feels kind of removed from all the main characters unlike every other palace in the game. I ended up paying 20,000 yen to open a door and I still don’t know if that was mandatory or just an optional solution to the puzzle, but I had the money to spare so it doesn’t matter much. I thought the gameplay was a lot of fun until the final massive lock puzzle. Having to use all those codes to unlock it was super boring, I just looked up the answers and I thought it was way too dragged out. Everything else was great though, and the reveal of him viewing all of Shibuya as his bank was super interesting. It really did feel like the Phantom Thieves taking on a larger force than before.

9 - Okumura’s Palace

Yeah, Okumura’s palace still is the worst in the game. The whole arc of Morgana leaving is still the worst part of the game, and this palace being Morgana’s arc instead of Haru’s really takes away from her as a character. The gameplay is pretty boring compared to the other palaces, the airlock puzzles aren’t super fun, and the story isn’t as interesting as every other arc. This is not an unpopular opinion, but I still think this is the worst palace. I also think the airlock puzzles are as bad as people say. I got stuck on the last room for a literal hour because every time I messed up I had to spend like 10 minutes getting back to the start so I could reset. The solution isn’t even that hard, you just have to spend so much time resetting in order to finish it. Still, Okumura’s palace is by no means bad, and I still think it’s underrated. No part of it is super great, but I still don’t think any of it is outright bad, just worse than the rest of the game.

#persona5 royal #persona 5 spoilers #persona5 #persona 5 royal #persona 5 #persona 5 royal spoilers #persona5 royal spoilers

4 notes · View notes

alicent-boleyn · 2 months

Text

the subtle thief of youth

Word count: 1,247 words

SUMMARY: Berenice sees the end of childhood, 157 AC.

Berenice was not required to rise with the sisters, long before the break of dawn, none of the young girls were. She often did, regardless, eager to begin the day. While the other noble girls slept soundly in their beds, she dressed quickly, not wanting to miss Lauds. She crept through the halls to the chapel where all the sisters had gathered and snuck in, hanging in the shadows to watch and listen.

“Father, open our minds, Mother, open our hearts. Warrior, keep us strong, Maiden, keep us kind. Smith, help us remain steadfast, and Crone, help us remain vigilant,” they chanted, voices resonating through the stony room. Mother Celia led them into a hymn, “Lend Me Thy Shield,” and then another.

Berenice closed her eyes and let the sister's voices wash away the remnants of sleep and fill her with the light of the Seven. Sister Emmeline, who Berenice was very fond of, read a passage from The Seven-Pointed Star. How she loved to listen to them read! She would love to read, too, and sing, and lead the sisters in prayer, and do all the things the sisters did. Mother Celia, who ran the motherhouse, said that she would consider taking her in as a novice once she flowered, but only if her mother consented. Berenice had not seen her mother, Visenya, in three years and could count the letters she had gotten from her in that time on one hand. She did not think Mother Celia would have a very hard time getting Visenya to let her stay.

As Lauds ended, Berenice slipped back to the dormitory with everyone none the wiser. She got back in bed, hoping her bedmates didn't notice her leaving in the first place. It wouldn't be long before they were roused for breakfast and their morning prayers, so she simply laid back, watching the sun's first rays rise through the dorm window.

Not even the most noble girls were spared hard chores at the motherhouse, and today, Berenice was assigned the unenviable task of working the herb garden. It was not a solitary task, and with her straw hat, shears, and basket, she got to work with two other girls. Not being too fond of this chore, she chatted with them to pass the time.

“How are the goats?” she asked Lylah, the lanky blonde of five and ten who usually minded the dairy goats, but was currently elbow deep in the mint plot.

“Oh, very well! Misty's kids have arrived, and so have Clover and Daisy's, though Daisy's gone gargety and I'll have to ask Sister Bree about what to do, because she knew just how to fix that last time it happened to Danny-Girl, and also Maggie -”

“Do you really know the name of every damn nanny out there?” asked Alerie, a sour-mouthed girl of one and ten, a year older than Berenice.

“Language!” That was Sister Amy shouting. “Berenice, your mother is here. Clean up, be quick about it.”

Berenice was frozen in place, eyes widened in surprise. Her mother? Here?

“Quickly, Princess!”

She returned her supplies to the shed, removing her hat and dirty apron. In the dormitory, she changed her dress to something more suitable to meet her lady mother. Her heart raced as she walked to the chamber where Visenya was waiting.

Why is she here, now, after all this time? Berenice knew she should be excited to see her, but so far her mother has been content to leave her to the care of the Sisters, with only a passing interest in talking to the flesh of her flesh. Sister Amy met her at the dormitory door and escorted her to the visiting rooms.

Berenice was stunned by her mother's appearance. She could not tell if it was grotesqueness or beauty that made her heart skip a beat. Visenya towered over everyone in the room, her dragon-scale birthmarks obscured by a black net veil. Her stark silvery white hair was artfully sculpted into a crown, with a single whip-like braid hanging behind her. Her severe features were pulled into a mask of disdain.

“Where are your manners, child? I called for my daughter, not a peasant girl.” Berenice curtsied deeply in response. “Better. Come, sit with me.” When they were both on the couch, her mother took her hands. For a moment, Visenya's face softened, before refashioning itself into something even harder than before. “The King, your uncle, has died. I have been called to court, and you must come with me.”

Berenice felt tears well up in her eyes and her lips began to tremble. She had met her mother's brother only once, as a very little girl, and his death did not sadden her as much as the fact that she had to leave. “And when will I return here?”

“You won't, girl.”

“No!” she shouted, throwing herself off the couch and onto her feet, almost before she could stop herself. This was home! This was more than home, even, because here she could serve the Seven! “You can't!”

Visenya slapped her across the face. “I am your mother, and more importantly, I am a princess of the blood. You will do as you are bid, am I understood?” Tears openly streamed down Berenice's cheeks, strangling her voice. She nodded her assent, but that did not satisfy her mother, who yanked on her ear. “Am I understood!”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Good.” Visenya pulled her riding gloves back on. As she walked out of the room, she called, “You have an hour to prepare. Have your things ready or we leave without them.”

After her mother left, Berenice was escorted back to the dormitory, and Sister Amy helped her gather her clothes and things into her trunk. Sister Amy, who was always so inflexible about rules, gave her a little book of prayers, even though only novices were supposed to have one. Still crying, she thanked Sister Amy, choking on every word.

Sister Amy kneeled and turned Berenice towards her. With both hands on the young girl's shoulders, she whispered, “Her Highness may have borne you from her womb, but she has shown herself not to be your Mother.” She gently stroked the reddened skin where Visenya had slapped the child. “I know you wished to enter as a novice here, and I know you will never see this holy house again. Pray the hours every day, and hold yourself to what is right and just. Gods willing, you shall find yourself a righteous calling in marriage, as it seems Her Highness intends for you. As you have obeyed Mother Celia, obey your true Mother, and the King, and most of all, obey your heart.” Sister Amy placed a kiss on Berenice's forehead and rose from her knees. “We must finish before Her Highness thinks we mean to hold you hostage.”

The princess giggled at stoic Sister Amy making a joke. Before long, she and her trunks were packed onto a carriage. It was made with the highest skill gold could buy, but Berenice could not sit comfortably. She squirmed on the padded seat, like a worm. Her mother was, thankfully, not sitting with her, instead choosing to ride her horse for the first leg of their travels. When the carriage began to roll, Berenice whipped her head to the motherhouse, hoping to hold it in her sight as long as possible. Her mother strode over and tied the curtains shut.

#oc: berenice targaryen #asoiaf oc #got oc #asoiaf fanfic #asoiaf #hotd #hotd oc

2 notes · View notes

upismediacenter · 6 months

Text

LITERARY: To Everyone I Cherish.

Hello, hello! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

I hope everyone is doing well and is taking care of themselves! I recently treated myself to some ice cream at the newly-opened dessert shop near my house. Maybe it is also a sign to treat yourself to one~

To be honest, I wasn’t sure how to start this blog post. I had to rewrite this multiple times before I could say I was fully satisfied.

This is a long one, so it would mean the world to me if you manage to read it until the very end. ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ

I will be graduating from my activities as an idol by the end of July.

A decision that took me the longest time to make.

When I was in elementary school, I watched my very first idol concert thanks to my older brother who loves idols so much. I vividly remember the dazzling lights, the fanfare of the crowd, and the cute uniforms they wore. There was one song in particular in their set list that up to this day, I still cannot take off my mind. It was called “STANDOUT” and was centered by one of the ace members of the 2 generation. I’ve heard that the common theme for their songs was rebellion and this song in particular is about embracing your uniqueness, becoming open with who you are. Their worldview may seem different from other groups but just like the title of their song, they’d rather stand out in their own way than follow the trends. Those feelings resonated with me and motivated me to do the same for others and from that very moment I knew, I wanted to become an idol.

Every day after school, I practiced singing and dancing. I memorized all of the popular songs and dances while also building up my portfolio for idol auditions.

I auditioned multiple times and it also came with multiple rejections. It was frustrating at first and it almost made me quit on achieving my dream to become an idol. However, my mother and brother continued to support me and encouraged me to never give up.

A few more auditions later, I passed! [1] I became a member of the first generation member of the idol group you’re now supporting~ ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

I experienced the world that used to be out of my reach. I was able to witness the sea of lights from the stage. I’m truly grateful that I was given a chance to experience the life of an idol.

Earlier this year, I decided to go on a hiatus due to various reasons regarding my mental health. With the support of my managers and the staff, I was able to rest and recover at my own pace.

I made a promise to my fans that I will return in top condition and I did!

But during my time in hiatus, I realized a lot of things about myself.

One of the reasons why I took the time to rest is because I constantly felt burnt out after every performance or concert. I used to enjoy practicing and going to lessons for our performances ‘til it turned into feelings of dread whenever I had to step into the dance room.

To put it simply, I started to hate the thing I loved the most. (╯_╰)

Even with those feelings, I continued to devote my everything to the group. I thought that it would eventually disappear if I took a short break, however, the uneasiness I felt never did.

So after countless considerations and preparations from the staff, it has come to this conclusion.

I will be graduating with positive feelings and starting a new life somewhere else.

Performing has always been my passion ever since I discovered the world of being an idol. It will continue to be my passion even after I graduate.

However, I think there are other things that I want to try and dreams that are waiting to be discovered.

I’d like to take the time to rediscover myself, take a breather from the spotlight after being in it for so long.

I can proudly say that I will graduate from this group with no regrets. This dream of mine has been fulfilled a long time ago and the group is in good hands! My juniors have been doing their best, so I hope you can support them.

In the remaining months before my graduation, I will be fulfilling my idol activities to the fullest. Let’s spend our remaining time together with a smile on our faces.

Even when I’m gone, please continue to support our group!

Thank you for reaching the end of my blog. I hope that my feelings were conveyed properly.

This is not a goodbye. This is a “see you later”. ⊂(´• ω •`⊂)

[1] In Japanese Idol groups, the term used for members joining the group simultaneously is called a generation. For example, if there were currently 2 generations active in the group, the first generation would come from debut, while the second generation would come from a separate audition that happens after debut.

#MC2024 #MCPakisabi #Literary #English #vivid blossom

2 notes · View notes

goblinprincesss · 2 years

Text

What’s Up Next For You In October? #pick a picture reading 🎃

Hey everyone! This is my first reading I’ll be posting on Tumblr yay! This was supposed to be put out earlier but my grandmother just had open heart surgery which has deeply impacted my family. There may be messages for you in more than 1 pile, so follow your intuition and pick which image(s) you feel most drawn to to :)

If you enjoy this reading please like, comment, reblog, share, and follow for more! This is also my first time giving a reading to people other than my family and friends, so be nice💀

⚠️DISCLAIMERS AND TRIGGER WARNING⚠️ Readings are for entertainment purposes only. Readings do not serve as a replacement for proper medical advice. Please remember that nothing is set in stone, and I am solely sharing what I think/feel based off of the energies I’m picking up at the current time of this reading. Keep in mind as well that this is a general reading, take what resonates and leave what doesn't! There is possibly triggering/mature content in this reading so proceed with caution, and take care of yourself<3 All images are from Pinterest.

Alright here are your choices:

Piles from top to bottom, left to right: 1, 2, 3

PILE 1 *trigger warning: mentions of dysfunctional families*

This month is going to be about giving your energy back to yourself and the areas in life that you may have been neglecting. You're definitely someone who has needed to prove your worth or constantly defend yourself which is SUPER DRAINING. I feel like because of this you've become consumed by what could happen in the future that you barley have time for yourself/self care. Eating comfort foods, going for a walk, doing hair/skin care, doing simple things that don't require a ton of planning, getting in touch with people if you've been putting it off could help to bring you back down from that constant place of anxiety/stress. It's also really important that you balance your personal time and your work life! That's not to say don't work hard but don't pile on things if you know it's unreasonable to manage and will interfere with time for yourself and loved ones. You're capable of many great things so don't discredit yourself or your life's work! I think it's great that you're able to stand up for yourself but remember that not every battle is worth fighting, and if you're always in a defensive place you could end up being stuck/not able to move forward, or trying to start something with someone else (i.e. arguing for the sake of arguing, while it can be fun it's not helpful AT ALL💀). Pay attention to how you feel, if a situation is getting out of hand or making you uncomfortable, walk away. This may feel like defeat or like you're letting people walk over you but respecting your boundaries and knowing your limits is the biggest win. If you are dealing with a mother figure (doesn't have to be a mother necessarily) and are having a difficult time, my heart goes out to you. Families are so complicated but like I said before: know your limits and remove yourself from the situation. You cannot control someone's behaviour and if their behaviour is harming you, reconsider how much time you spend with them. Ok, I know this seemed like a kinda sad reading, but!! This is just a time to re balance and get back in touch with what's important to you. Periods of reflection can be scary because we have to confront traumas but figuring out how to move past them will help you to feel so much more at peace with yourself. You have come very far in life and I'm extremely proud of you. I hope you have an amazing October and I wish you all the best. Oracle cards I pulled for advice: New Moon In Aries- It's time to take action South Node- Don't let your past hold you back Full Moon In Capricorn- The end of a tough cycle is approaching New Moon In Cancer- You and your loved ones are safe Channeled songs: Solita by Kali Uchis - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWq9JCxnIA4 SANA SANA by Nathy Peluso- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pICv0qQIbeY

Pile 2 *trigger warning: mentions of substance abuse*

This month is going to be about revealing all that is hidden and changing unhealthy patterns. You may struggle with low self esteem which keeps the real you hidden from other people, lead you to abuse substances, or addictions of other sorts. I feel like naturally you're quite introverted so you also might have difficultly trusting people. If you're dealing with the misuse of substances please reach out to a healthcare professional and know that there's nothing to be ashamed of! We all handle issues differently. It's also important that you remember that you have to trust yourself before you can trust others. If you're feeling fragile, you should ground yourself by spending time in nature or maybe working out to make your body stronger. Make sure to eat foods that will nurture your body, and when facing decisions make the choice that will benefit your future self (i.e. instead of watching TV, you could do some cleaning around the house). Your body could also be trying to right itself/cleanse itself so don't be surprised if you start feeling under the weather; keep drinking water and eating foods such as oranges to help you combat this. I feel like you know in your heart what's right but you just need a little nudge in the right direction. If you're having very vivid dreams pay attention to them and decipher what they could mean, and listen to what your body is telling you. It might be helpful to go to therapy to work through your problems other than possible addictions. You don't have to fix anything or everything- changes just have to be made and that's completely normal. Towards the end of the month you'll be more at peace and have more of a sense of who you are and where you want to go from here on out. Small habits can make big differences, you'll be surprised at the changes that will happen when you modify your habits! And there's nothing wrong with having fun but make sure you do so in a responsible way and surround yourself with people who care about your well being. Don't be afraid of how awesome you are and how even MORE awesome you can be. I wish you all the best! Oracle cards I pulled for advice: South Node- Don't let your past hold you back Full Moon In Gemini- The answers you need are coming Waxing Moon- The energy is gaining momentum Full Moon In Scorpio- It's time to release negativity Waning Moon- What do you need to release? Channeled songs: Get Free by Lana Del Rey- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axRMZqUNVEw Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQetemT1sWc

PILE 3

This month is going to be about major positive shifts and travel! I think this pile has had enough of their stifling environment and you could've had a huge realization that you need change NOW and you're the only one that can make that happen. You might be moving to a new country or somewhere completely different from where you've been living (some of you could still be living in the town/city of you were born in). Some of you may even be taking a vacation to somewhere that has the total opposite climate to where you're living, which will be super energizing. Whether you're moving to a new place or taking a trip, you'll encounter many adventures and you'll make connections with people that will last a life time. I also think that these experiences will help you realize what you want to do with your life. As well, spending time with these people will bring you opportunities to explore your career options and could possibly help land you your dream job! Out of all of these piles, I feel like you're the most ready to make big life decisions, and you realize that not taking the reigns of your life will get you nowhere. You are so DETERMINED to make things work! Some of you may be single parents, care takers, or social activists, and this makes me believe that it's not just about things being good for you but also helping others because you understand the importance of family and community. Adventuring and learning new things nurture your soul so if you've been meaning to pick up a new hobby or wanting to discover new hiking trails, now's the perfect time! Honestly, if you've felt as if 2022 has been one of the worst years ever, October is DEFINITELY a turning point. This pile has given my such a surge of energy like I can feel the excitement coursing through my whole body. You are 100% ready to start this new chapter in your life. I'm wishing you all the best! Oracle cards I pulled for advice: Full Moon In Aquarius- Show the world the real you Waxing Crescent Moon-Have faith in your dreams New Moon In Taurus-Prosperity Lies Ahead New Moon In Sagittarius- Luck is on your side Channeled songs: Barracuda by Heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeMvMNpvB5M Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2XDhfOjkVs

10 notes · View notes

notsosilentsister · 1 year

Text

How to enjoy challenging books

The one thing you need to enjoy reading a challenging book is patience - patience with the book, and patience with yourself. Sometimes you really just need to be in a certain frame of mind to get something out a book, and the best course of action is to put it back on the shelf and return to it at a more convenient time.

My mother, who is maybe the most voracious reader I know - our home has been wall to wall books since I can remember - had a year after getting her doctorate degree in which she could read nothing but Karl May. I like challenging books, but I've certainly had my Karl May years too (in my case tumblr, twitter and K-drama). Sometimes life circumstances are such that the mind gets overstrained, and then challenging books are really not what the doctor ordered for a good while. Your life has been very stressful recently. Hopefully that stress will abate eventually. I bet you'll find your way back to challenging books then, but you need to give yourself enough time to get back into the groove. Pushing yourself too hard is the most likely cause for the resentment you're currently feeling, and it's what's nipping any potential enjoyment you might get from your reading in the bud. Here are some things I do to get back into the groove after a Karl May phase: I don't push myself at all. My goal is not to finish the book, but to approach it with an open mind, try to get out of it what I can, and read however many pages I decide to read without resenting the experience. I allow myself to defer judgment. Sometimes, when a book is highly praised by people whose opinion I value, not getting the fuss can feel like a failure, some sort of deficiency in myself. I don't want to think this, but I also don't want to accuse these people of falling for a hype; I don't want to be that sort of person who dismisses anything they don't get as overrated. So I remind myself that neither has to be the case - maybe it's just bad timing, maybe the time for this book hasn't come yet in my life. And indeed, from experience I know that sometimes books that lingered on my shelves for years end up turning into favourites once I'm finally in the right mind for them. I remind myself of the joy of reading challenging books by rereading challenging books I've enjoyed in the past. I'm not normally much of a rereader, because I usually crave novelty. I often think that I'm missing out because of this. You can get such a different experience, so much more profound insights from a book on a reread! (I once got out of a deep identity crisis by rereading Musil's The Man Without Qualities at the perfect moment.) Reading a challenging book is always a bit of risk, because there's always a chance that the emperor was naked after all, and then it's difficult not to feel resentful. The big advantage of a reread is that you already know this book will personally resonate with you - but you have changed since your last reading, so it will resonate in a different way, and it can be fascinating to consider this difference, what it says about the way in which you have changed. Last but not least, I sometimes give myself an external incentive to read the book, not to force myself to finish, mind you, just as a bit of additional motivation to stick with it a little bit longer than I normally would. For this, I turn on my English-major brain and go to the meta-level. There were, after all many books I wouldn't have picked up if they hadn't been on the reading-list for some class or other, and while reading them might have often felt like a bit of a slog in the moment, I almost never regret the time I spent on these books, because I've found myself thinking about them quite a bit since then, and it turns out they really helped me understand something I didn't understand before. (Mansfield Park has maybe Austen's least compelling romance - unless you determine that the actual romance is with the house - but the older I get, the more it becomes my favourite Austen, because it's the one that comes back to my mind the most; when my charger craps out on a long train ride, and my phone deserts me, I can reliably entertain myself for hours, just thinking about Mansfield Park and what it says and doesn't say about Austen's attitude towards slavery, for instance). Now, the true benefits of such reading often materialize quite late in the game, and it can be helpful to have some more tangible, immediate incentives in the interim, to tide you over the slog-part of the experience. In college it used to be the perspective of getting a good grade for that class. For many people it can be the idea of being able to discuss the book with their book club (and impress people with your keen analysis of the themes and implied world-view or bond with others over how tiresome you found the reading experience), but I have to admit that I'm not personally one for book clubs either. What I do is, that I sometimes give myself a little project connected with the book - eg. write about it on my tumblr, or write a Wikepedia article about it. Wikipedia can be really bad when it comes to books, especially books written by women, so I'm feeling like I'm doing humanity a service, and that makes my efforts feel worth it. Of course writing a Wikipedia article means engaging with the challenging book even more deeply - it means I don't just read the book, I also read a lot of reviews, and a couple of scholarly articles about it, just as I would for a paper in college. It might seem a bit counter-intuitive to spend all that time on a book that I might have found a bit dull actually. But in college I learned that sometimes engaging more deeply actually makes the book less dull in retrospect. Again, it's just a bit of extra-motivation though - if the book is too much of a slog, Wikipedia will have to do without me.

#reading #literature #journal #personal

6 notes · View notes

jungk0oksthighs · 1 year

Note

OKAY! HI again! I’m pretty much going to be spamming and blowing up your inbox with countless messages and rants and moments of me just going GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER ENOUGH WORDS TO SAY HOW MUCH YOUR WRITING MEANS TO ME AND HOW IMPACTFUL IT IS!

Funny thing is I started reading your masterlist with Pi Gasu but somehow I ended up ranting about the stories that followed BUT. BUT. Every single story of yours deserves nothing but endless praise and compliment and for me to weep over your masterpieces in the way that moment when A R T moves you. Because that’s what your writing is. ART.

I remember starting this story a while back before it had as many chapters as it does now and I remember going WHEEEEEW because it was such a new dynamic to read, of vampire and blood donor but also RECENT PHOTO FOLIO VAMPIRE JUNGKOOK HELLO?!?!? AND?!?! ALL THE OUTFITS YOU’VE DESCRIBED WITH HIM ARE ALREADY BURNED INTO MY MEMORY SO SEEING THEM IN THIS FIC MAKES ME A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF FERAL. Because VAMPIRE Jungkook is wearing them; and that makes me SO SO FERAL

I remember reading this and being blown away by the sheer cocktail of FEELS happening in this fic and yet again experiencing visceral, raw HATE for the mother in this fic who just uses her daughter as a means of money but constantly gaslights and undermines and POISONS HER WITH ROSE-THORN and GRRRRRRRRR

Because I understand the terminal illness of a child on ANY parent must be such a struggle and pain and especially a long-term condition wears down on a parent– there will never ALWAYS just be sadness and grief, there’ll also be anger and misery and RAGE that it’s unfair which I understand… so I tried to keep an open mind. That got shot down RIGHT AWAY with the piece of *censored MULTIPLE swear words and curses* she is. Because no child should EVER have to feel guilty or ashamed of being healthy and well whilst another is sick. Because life doesn't choose to burden one child with illness and keep the other– ALTHOUGH THAT TURNED OUT TO BE INTENTIONAL AND PART OF THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS WHICH MASTERMIND BECAUSE!! The idea that her death will complete her brother’s transformation… that her enthral, her siren blood DRAWING IN the vampires– in particular Jungkook… OOF. JUST OOF. new level of achy angst BECAUSE SHE WAS READY TO DIE.

I also have to say your DIALOGUE in this fic was like OTHERWORLDLY tier because there were so many moments I thought… I stopped and paused and ached as I processed the words… because they just struck DEEP. There were so many pieces in the story where I thought– I’m coming back to this and I’m going to write this down. There’s a genuine MASTERY you have with words that truly RESONATE and haunt and LINGERED in my mind long after I finished devouring this story.

I can’t remember the EXACT exact words but. When Jungkook says in his entire time of being dead, he’s never felt so alive.

THAT ACHING BREAK POINT WHEN HE SURRENDERS WHEN SHE TRIES TO KILL HERSELF. The way he begs for her to never threaten to take away the thing that was forcefully taken from him...that the ACHE of her killing herself, of valuing her living so little...HURTS HIM

THE MOST HEART WRENCHING MOMENT WHEN HE SAYS HE DOESN’T HAVE A SOUL BUT IF HE DID IT’D BE HERS.

WHEN THOSE RAW ACHING MOMENTS OF PASSION AND PAIN WERE SO ACHY TO READ that I could feel every instant of their need and want and that unravelling restraint ESPECIALLY because he’s a vampire and she’s human, especially because there’s that whole FIERY dynamic of her pleasure-heavy blood making him ADDICTED, because that moment when she feeds on even a DROPLET of his blood– IN THE KISS to stop her from being physically hurt because he’s that strong…

THE FACT THAT SEX could physically and literally BROKE her…. The dialogue and WEIGHT of emotions in that description. Like it felt like a new level of carnal, primal ACHE between them and was a new level of feral I reached… but. But there was also this physical anguish and pain to understand love in a way I haven’t EVER, EVER heard it being described. It was new and haunting and BEAUTIFUL.

Because love in this story KILLS. It breaks, it batters, it bruises, it HURTS so viscerally, so deeply… it physically BREAKS her and SHE TURNED AT THE END (THANK GOD FOR THAT) but the idea of how poetic and rawly you described love as this consuming destructive force that ANNIHILATES. That love is this deadly DANGEROUS force and yet– when you fall, if you fall, it consumes you entirely.

I CANT WAIT to see how the transformation works in the next chapter, I can’t wait for her piece of shit mother to rightfully FUCK off and I can’t WAIT to see how their dynamic develops because it was the roughest, rawest description of sex– and yet now that she’s changed I wonder… I do…

It’s way overdue because Pi Gasu was the first I read– but the last I commented on… but I felt I NEEDED to get all the feeeeels off my chest AND vent and GAHHHHHHHH

Thank youuuuuu for writing such art🥺🥺🥺

And for sharing it too xx 💜💜💜

Oh my goodness gracious me @purplebeebs this is one of the most memorable messages I’ve ever received in terms of reviews! Thank you so much for taking the time to send FOUR HUGE MESSAGES in regards to my writing! I’m floored rn!! Thank you so so much!! 🥹😭

PG is definitely one of my favourites to write for! I really love the fantasy genre and I think it’s something that I would be very interested in writing more! Shoutout to my fully planned siren fic that will eventually see the light of day hehe. Just… thank you so so much for your kind words, I’m genuinely speechless and quite flabbergasted right now 😂🥰

It’s such a compliment to be told something you write sticks with someone and that’s something that I’m not gonna forget! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, not only for reading seemingly all of my fics hehe but for taking time out your day to go into such detail in these messages! Truly I’m flattered! There’s so much more of PG to come!!! We’re only just getting started hehe, thank u thank u thank u I owe you my life sweet angel, you’ve made my night 4 times over tonight and genuinely you are so so sweet. I’m so grateful you found my blog and like my work!!!! Sending you so much love and positivity!! 💜💜💜💜

3 notes · View notes

azure-cherie · 2 years

Note

Ohhh heyyyaaa babee!!! I jst saw that you opened free readings 🥂😩 sorry I hv been quite bsy these past few days n probably will for atleast a year, anyway...

My initials: SM ✨♈ sun (tro) ♓ sun(sid)

Fav emojis: 🤡💀👀✨🥺🌝🥂

Fav quotes: He'll never know how much a girl once loved him, after every dark night there's a bright day, After heavy rain there comes fiery sun, I CAN is 100 times better than I will.

Ques: channeled letter from my future spouse 🕳️👩‍🦯with shufflemacy songs👀

Exchange: what you need to know ryt now?

Focus on your present time. It's time to focus on yourself, your personal growth, and your surrounding. Cut off toxic people, habits n situations to lead a smooth life in future. Learn to stand for yourself. You hv overcome some pain from the past , the storm has ended n now it's time to assess where to go from here. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off n stand towards your growth. It's time to make a lil change in your life to lead a smooth life further. Don't rush things, be calm n work towards your destination with calm pace. If the past wasn't good enough for ya, now it's the time with full of support n stability to edge out your sadness. Be patient n take help from your closed ones. You hv many true supporters around you. Ask for help from them. You maybe daydreaming a lot lately. Maybe feeling a need to escape your reality with the help of your imagination but this time you need to make those dreams come true... Work towards them n stop wasting your time. Try to develop your spiritual side as much as you can. Focus on what you do best n be patient. Success will be yours. You hv learnt many things from your past n now it's time to make use of those learnt things. Liberation! Get higher studies n focus on yourself. Take care of yourself, do self care n introspection.

Thankyou so much n lemme know if it resonates<3🤍✨

Hello sweetheart ,

Do I tell you enough that you're one of my favourite people on Tumblr 🤍🤍. Why are you sorry i am so happy you're working on things which are necessary , all the best to you , your success is on the way babe .

You're quotes are beautiful.

Thank you so much for the exchange 💗✨ , i absolutely adore you for this 🤍.

Yes recently maybe because of mercury retrograde i cut off a lot of people , i am glad the storm has ended , yes right now i am focusing on loving myself more and doing things i desire . I will surely take help from the people around me , i have a few people but they're worth so much to me . I will be calm. I'm kind of in my imagination sometimes . I will really work to develop my spiritual side. Okay I have to be really patient and calm and keep working . I really plan on getting higher studies . I think you channelled my mother 🤡 she keeps tellin me all this.

Thank you so much it resonates , you're amazing and thank you for the songs , I'll listen to them . 🥰💗🦋✨

So babe it's your turn now , although I am impatient to write so much , but I believe in giving more and this exchange deserves some effort 😤🥰 so i meditated and here's what I received from the higher self of your future spouse :

I was about to write " I " as the initial of your future spouse 👀 . I've seen in the t.v ........ Line is from " Don't you ever leave me , song by Anne Marie " and Moses my soul my friend...... Are lines from the poem Currency by Rumi

I say this is one of the most beautiful things I've channelled !!!

Your songs :

Hope you like it love 🤍.

#intuitive readings #ssensy

2 notes · View notes

opticrhythm · 1 year

Text

Free Bird

**TRIGGER WARNING**

MENTIONS OF "UNALIVING"

In 2015, in the month of November, I received a call from my mother; she told me my step-father had died, killed himself. In October, we were sitting on her couch, compiling a list of songs that were to be played at his funeral. Those songs were never played. On this playlist, was Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird”. I remember my mother being hesitant to play the song, because of its ties to drugs and the death caused by them. My late step-father had battled a meth addiction, and rumors swirled about this shortly before his death, some even believe it was why he killed himself. Years later, once I was comfortably able to listen to the song, I did one thing I never seemed to have done before. I listened to it. I developed my own understanding of the balled, realized the true meaning of it.

In the opening line of the song, lead singer, Ronnie Van Zant, questions whether or not the listener would remember him if he were to leave. The opening tone of the song feels weighed down, reluctant even, as if the reassurance of the listener holding true to his memory would encourage him to go on. I always got the sense as if the opening of the song is a request to leave. It makes me picture scenes most often depicted in hospital shows or movies where a loved one is dying. Someone sits at the edge of their bed, says,” It’s okay, you can go, we will be alright without you”, and the person who is dying is silently jamming out to Free Bird.

As the song goes on into it’s next verse, Van Zant seems to begin arguing with himself. It only solidifies my perspective of the opening being reluctant, because these lyrics seem to be an attempt at convincing him of why he has to leave. “ This bird you cannot change” a line echoed throughout this song. Van Zant starts with reluctancy, then moves on to gaining courage to leave, and finally, goes on to take the blame because he sees his unwillingness to change himself as the downfall of this story.

As the chorus repeats, the song starts to take up speed. The tempo shifts into a more up-beat, classic rock style, in a hasty getaway from the slow moving, hesitant beginning. I see this as Van Zant going from reluctant and hesitant, to more of a “let’s get this over with” departure. Finally, the song flies into a lightning speed, guitar solo, finishing off with a cacophony of beating drums and a rhythmic bass. The rhythm makes me want to run, careless and free, what I feel to be the meaning of the end of the song. It also sounds desperate, gives you that itch that you need to leave, and fast.

Eight years later, this song is in my daily rotation, sitting in a special place I have created for it in my heart. I know every word, always hum along with the beat of the drums, and if my hands are free, it earns its own air guitar solo. Throughout the years, Free Bird has evolved new meanings, and it’s something I heavily resonate with now. Eight years ago, it was a song that weighed heavy on my mind, reminding me of my dead step-dad, and seeming like nothing more than another rock song about the consequences of doing drugs. Now, I feel as if Free Bird is the main single out of a sound track created for my life.

In 2020, I feel as if I was the embodiment of Free Bird, as if Van Zant had me in mind when he wrote that song in 1973 (despite me being born 28 years later). I was struggling with the worst depressive episode I’ve ever experienced; every day was a constant battle to get out of bed and live my life. For the first time ever, I was all on my own, my family on the other side of the country, with no friends. I wrote letter after letter, begging for forgiveness, sharing memories, desperate for someone to read them and promise to never let them go. I feared what my mother would think, how my passing would affect her, how long it would take before she forgot the way my voice sounded, or when she’d have to look at my photos to remember how I looked because I had long been faded from memory.

I was convinced this depression was all there was, that it was an inescapable black hole, and I was better off succumbing to the gravity of it. Speaking with my mother about my ailments, she told me of her own troubles with depression, and said it would pass soon; I was convinced it was a lie. I tried therapy, I did my best to reach out, but it all seemed fruitless. In the summer of 2021, I amassed almost a hundred sleeping pills. I mixed them into big glass of water, watched them dissolve, and thought about how sure I was. Being religious at the time, I prayed to the Lord to forgive me, hoping I’d be spared of a fiery afterlife for the sin that came with my future actions.

Feeling a moment of hesitancy, I told myself I would reach out once more, but this time, honestly. I walked down to the office where someone from my leadership worked, and told myself,” If this one person isn’t here, the person I trust with this, I will go back to my room and do it”. He was. I didn’t do it. Thus, ended my relation to Free Bird; I backed out, Van Zant’s character didn’t.

Now, years after this incident, Free Bird changed once again for me. Now, it’s a failed love story, it’s dramatic ending being heart break. This is one of my greatest fears; becoming vulnerable with someone, only for the relationship to end in disaster. The dark, looming shadow of betrayal and goodbyes, which in turn sparks a fear of commitment and my “leave them before they leave you” attitude. I’m always constantly arguing with myself. How long will it be until they no longer love me? Do I just bite the bullet and leave first? I pick everything apart, until the relationship is no longer appealing to me, then I end it.

Today, I still thoroughly enjoy this song. I think I listen to it about once every week, just enjoying the feeling of freedom and peace it gives me. Sometimes, my personal experiences will inject themselves into the song, but not very often. Truly, a song will, no doubt, enjoy for the rest of my life.

#lynyrd skynyrd #free bird #music #rock #meaning #song lyrics #song meanings #personal post #mentalheathawareness

1 note · View note

whxreforsvkvna · 3 years

Text

mirage errone pt. 1 || bakugou x reader

genre: Princess!reader x bandit!Bakugo, ft. Bakusquad, quirkless!au

warnings: all bnha characters are above 18+ (unless otherwise mentioned), multi-chapter, minor (and some major) swear words here and there throughout fic thanks to Bakugo

word count: 1.3k

prompts: in which a self-proclaimed good-hearted bandit group kidnaps the wrong princess

There were many things that drove you to be against your kingdom’s ruler. He allowed his people to suffer in the throes of hunger whilst he dined on the richest of foods with neighboring authoritative figures. He had raised the tax rates by another two percent at the end of last year, driving many into debt and despair.

There was one thing you despise most of all when it came to the king. Being in the same bloodline as him was enough to make the thought of ceasing her existence seem enticing. Being related to the royal family was one matter, but being the illegitimate daughter of your kingdom’s ruler was another, more forsaken, one.

This title given to you from the moment you were born was like a witch’s curse. You were bound to living behind these colorful, gold-rimmed walls with outsiders not knowing of your very existence.

Yet at this very moment, you couldn’t help but allow the corners of your lips to curl in the smallest of smirks as you witness Princess Bibimi’s current outburst. This had been the pot of gold you had been waiting for in your nineteen years of living in this forsaken palace. If the redness in your sister’s face wasn’t an indication for her rage, then the entirety of her bedraggled appearance made up for it.

“For my twenty-first birthday, I am obtaining a husband?” she scornfully spat out, despite the warning look her mother sent her way. “A husband? From one of our rivaling lands, no less!”

“It’s a proposition that is too beneficial for our country to not proceed with.” The king sighed for the umpteenth time. From your seat near one of the frontal pillars, you could tell he was beginning to form yet another wrinkle upon his whitening brow. “You should be aware of this more than anyone else, Bibimi. You excelled in your political studies.”

You were on the verge of drowning out the remainder of the conversation, seeing as it was going nowhere in favor of your sister. The king’s word was final in every situation he placed himself in, and he had no exceptions, even for his own family.

The princess pointed an accusing finger towards you, “Why can’t you give her away, instead?”

Your breath stilled for a moment, the fire in your sister’s eyes brought a cold shiver in its wake. Nineteen was too young to be married off in the eyes of the royals, and Bibimi was well aware of the advantage the younger had on her.

“Now, now,” His Majesty waved a hand in dismissal, “you know how useless that would be.”

Ah, that’s right. There was one other advantage you had over your sister.

No one in their right mind would want a bastard royal as the next ruler on their throne. This taboo of a situation allowed you to slip away from arranged marriages, and other political affairs.

Clutching tightly at the skirts of her dress, Bibimi begged for her early dismissal from their king. He agreed with little resistance, tiredly shaking his head as he watched her storm off. He looked towards your direction, taking note of you fixing your slouched posture.

“Have you any objections to the upcoming arrangements?”

“None, Your Majesty.” You replied in a small voice, avoiding his beady stare.

“At least one daughter is happy.” He mused as he waved his hand, signalling for your own dismissal.

You stood from your seat and curtsied before hastily leaving the throne room.

♛♕♛♕

You decided to reside in the privacy of your chambers that night, quizzing yourself with neighboring countries’ former hierarchies. Your time alone was shortly lived when knocking resonated throughout the silence.

“Your Highness, please pardon the intrusion but Princess Bibimi wishes to speak with you.” Your personal maid announced upon opening the door, her face contorted into one of fear as your sister loomed behind her.

Bibimi pushed past the maid and ushered her away from the door only to promptly slam it shut.

“What brings you to this side of the palace, sister?” you greeted her, marking the page of your book before gently shutting it.

“Don’t ‘sister’ me,” she huffed out, elegantly sitting on your vanity’s chair. She pauses for a moment as she picks up one of your many combs to examine its design. “I cannot believe he is doing this.”

Here we go, again. You internally heaved a large sigh.

You stop yourself from correcting her misused address to your father. Instead, you offer a gentle smile, “You’ll have two lands under your disposal once both Kings pass on.”

“I don’t want any of that,” she whined, setting the comb down. Her long lashes fluttered as she feigned a pout, “Not at the cost of my own happiness.”

“I’m sure you will grow to be happy with the Prince,” you offered., only to be taken aback by the harsh scowl directed at you.

“Have you no clue of what’s going on? I’ve just heard the first prince is missing. I’m being wedded to the second eldest. He is merely a man in this situation.” This was also news to you. You wondered if this information was being kept hidden from the public. “If the older one was to suddenly emerge, I will have only one kingdom under my command.” Bibimi went on for a final comment, “The second son is not as handsome as the first, as well. I would have been more content if it were a different situation.”

You felt disgust grip at you upon hearing her words. Rather than replying to the materialistic words, you stayed quiet and continued to listen to her rant.

“For the King’s sake, why couldn’t we have the arrangement with Mirio’s kingdom instead?”

“Prince Mirio Togata?” you echoed.

“Who else, you dimwit.” She snapped, seemingly annoyed. “He’s the only prince I’d willingly bed with.”

“Bibimi!” You gasped, taken aback by the vulgar phrase.

“Oh, shut up. We can’t all be saints in this stupid palace.” She rose from her seat, smoothing out invisible wrinkles on her dress. “I’ll take my leave now as it is no use speaking with you and that fake innocence of yours.”

“Take care,” you weakly called out to her as she stepped out the door.

Mere seconds pass before Bibimi is reeling herself back into your room, slamming the door shut behind her as she looks back at you with widened eyes. The shoutings of guards as they scrambled out in the hallway caught your attention.

“Bibimi? What’s the matter?” you slipped off the bed, stepping towards her. “What’s going on?”

“Stay back.” She hissed, fiddling with the knob’s lock. “There’s an intruder in the castle.”

“What? Will father be okay?”

“Idiot, this is no time to think about that man. Help me find some place to hide.” Bibimi left the door to start pacing around your room, scrutinizing places to hide in or under.

With your fast-thinking, you guided her towards your large wardrobe, “Quick, hide in here.”

You aided her in stepping into the wooden furniture and tried to follow suit but felt her hands press against your shoulders. “No, you can’t come in here! Go somewhere else.”

Her forcefulness sent you to the floor and you watched in a daze as she closed the wardrobe doors, sealing herself fully from the public eye.

You mentally cursed at her, wanting nothing more than to grab her out of there and slap some sense into her. But doing so would waste precious time you needed for hiding away.

You’re in the process of crawling under your bed when arms are pulling you upright and a hand is cascading itself over your eyes to conceal your vision. You’re thrown into panic upon hearing a gruff voice whisper in your ear.

“I’ve got you now, Princess.”

222 notes · View notes

crackheadgeminibby · 3 years

Text

mistakes were made

pairing: chris evans x black!reader

warnings: language, age gap, angst, mentions of sex TW body insecurities and talk of weight gain

word count: 2.9k

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape or form or reposted on any other platform

picture credit: screengrab from "Captain America Dinner Party" on youtube

You finish getting dressed and pick up everything you need to go for a run. As you’re walking down the last steps, you see that Chris is sitting on the couch, working on something on his computer. You come up behind him and softly kiss his temple before saying,

“Hey baby. I just put Emma to sleep and I’m gonna go for a run. Can you just pay attention and make sure she doesn’t wake up, please?”

Chris absentmindedly nods and mutters a “be careful”. You faintly smile and roll your eyes at his unwavering concentration but make sure to turn the volume of the baby monitor all the way up before leaving.

You go out through the garage and smile up at the sky, feeling the heat of the sun warming up your face.

You start to run the route you used to before getting pregnant with your baby girl. Last Sunday, it had been five months since your bundle of joy had been born. As much as you utterly adored her and the experience of carrying your own child, you had not appreciated the effect that the pregnancy had on your body.

On the contrary, most mothers-to-be were described as glowing and full of new energy but while you were pregnant, you always felt like you were about to get a cold and you had put on so much weight that you could barely recognize yourself. You had thought that it was only the pregnancy hormones changing your body that way as you were still very young, but today, five months after giving birth, your body had stayed the same and that certainly was not helping your confidence.

You weren’t sure if Chris had noticed your insecurities that manifested themselves by you eating almost the same meager meals every day and pushing away all sorts of sexual interactions with him. Since he had never mentioned anything or ever seemed frustrated with you, you thought he simply didn’t notice it or just didn't mind it.

Lost in your thoughts, you’re back home before you know it. As you’re entering the garage, you faintly hear Chris’ voice travel through the house all the way to you. Slightly confused, you assume that he must have forgotten to tell you he had an appointment or something, so you make sure to be as silent as possible to not disturb him.

“Bro, I know, it’s fucking crazy. I actually have my own child now.”

You smile softly at his excitement. You’re downing a bottle of water you took from the fridge when your ears perk up at your name coming out of Chris’ mouth.

“Oh, Y/N? Yeah, you know, she’s fine, she's good.”

Tilting your head slightly, you try to understand the sudden shift in Chris’ mood: even from two rooms away, you could feel his energy change.

“No, it’s fine, it’s just that she’s been kind of weird since the baby.”

You frown at hearing Chris say that. He never mentioned anything to you so why the hell was he talking about it with whoever was on the other end of the phone?

“No but like bro, look, it’s like this. I’ll be out all day doing whatever, and then when I come home, she’s all over me, being super clingy and all. Like, she will literally not let me go anywhere. But then, whenever I try to ease the mood into, you know, something more sexual, she just shuts down and says that Emma needs some food or something and she leaves. Then, when she comes back, she’s practically running from me like I have the fucking plague or something!”

As Chris is listening to what the person on the phone is responding, you start to feel a knot in your throat and you know that if you don’t do anything soon, you’re going to be full-on sobbing. As you’re working on your breathing and a plan, you hear Chris say,

“Dude, I literally thought the same thing. I swear. But, when we went for her check-up a little after she gave birth, the doctor said we couldn’t have sex for 6 weeks. It’s been like 20 weeks now!”

Unable to contain your emotions any longer, you leave your water bottle on the counter and run back to the garage, as silently as you can. Once in the safety of the garage, tears stream down your face as you let out a sob that brings you to your knees. You let yourself cry for what feels like forever, but you know it must not have been more than 5 minutes.

When you start to calm down, you focus on finding a plan to make sure Chris didn’t know that you were eavesdropping on his phone conversation. You take deep breaths before wiping your face and fixing your appearance as best as you can while using the rear-view mirror of your car.

Once you’re certain that you can’t do anything more, you take a final breath before opening the door and slamming it loud enough for Chris to hear that you’re in the house. As you’re approaching the living room, and thus, the staircase leading to your room, you faintly hear Chris say, “Yeah, man. I’ll talk to you later.”

You pass behind him while keeping your head held high and not giving him a single glance. As you start to climb up the stairs, you see that Chris is turning towards you.

“Hey baby, I didn’t hear you come back. How was your run?”

You take a deep breath before answering as calmly as you can, “Fine. I’m going to take a shower.”

Chris hesitates for a second before responding, “Um, okay, I’ll start dinner then.”

You don’t answer and run up the last couple of stairs as you feel your resolve crumbling. You hurriedly take some random clothes and a towel before locking yourself in the en suite bathroom. As soon as the door is closed, you put your hand over your mouth as a cry escapes you again. You put your clothes and towel on the counter before sitting in front of your bathtub. You don’t know how long you stay there, stifling your cries, but you suddenly hear the doorknob jiggling before a loud knock resonates through the bathroom.

“Y/N? You okay in there? I heard some weird noises.”

You clear your throat as softly as you can before answering, “I’m fine, I just stubbed my toe.” You cringe as your voice breaks halfway through your sentence.

The doorknob jiggles again before you hear, “Are you sure? And why is the door locked? You never lock it.”

“Uh... I'm on my period.”

You roll your eyes at your dumb and illogical excuse but it was going to have to do for now.

Before Chris can say anything else, you start the shower, rapidly take your clothes off and step inside. Both Chris and you knew that when the shower water was on, it was almost impossible to hear anything else in the bathroom.

You spend at least an hour under the scalding water, and you finally get out as you see a glimpse of the time on the bathroom clock: 6:45pm. It was time to start getting Emma ready for bed and you knew that she rarely slept through the night if you weren't the one to put her to bed. Knowing that this meant that nobody in the house would really get any sleep, you reluctantly turn off the shower water and get out of the shower.

As you’re toweling off, you can faintly hear music coming from outside of the bathroom. You put on the clothes you had taken from your room and put them on.

How ironic. You were wearing the same shirt from the first time Chris had told you he loved you. You smile bitterly as you look at the shirt in the mirror and pick up the rest of your things before getting out of the bathroom.

You walk into your shared bedroom with Chris and immediately recognize “Wicked Games” by The Weeknd. You roll your eyes as you remember the time you had told Chris that, for whatever reason, The Weeknd’s 2010s phase could always get you in the mood. You take your time doing your skincare routine before taking care of your workout clothes.

After finishing in your bedroom, you close the door and head to Emma’s room to get her ready for bed. However, you frown confusedly as you see that everything in Emma’s room is clean and organized. Emma is clearly changed, dressed in her nighttime pyjamas, tucked in and soundly asleep while Dodger is snoring in front of her crib. You smile softly. Even before Emma was born, Dodger was extremely protective of her and when she was born, he was practically attached to her hip. Wherever Emma was, Dodger was also there.

You’re watching Emma and Dodger sleep, a seemingly permanent smile on your face when you suddenly feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn around rapidly and slightly jerk away from Chris when he attempts to put a hand on your arm. He frowns slightly before saying,

“I got Emma ready for bed and dinner’s ready downstairs.”

You sigh and walk around Chris before making your way downstairs as you hear his soft footsteps behind you. When you turn the corner to enter the living room, your breath slightly hitches as you see that Chris has set a candlelit dinner table. Chris softly sets his hands on your shoulders and starts to gently massage them as he says,

“I made spaghetti with chicken parm, your favorite. And extra cheese, just how you like it.”

As your resolve starts to crumble, Chris’ words from earlier in the day echo in your mind. The memory makes you instantly tense up and you let out a shaky breath while trying to control your emotions. To take the focus off of you, you sit down and start to serve Chris and yourself some water. You hear Chris sigh loudly before he sits down in front of you. He serves you a hearty serving of pasta with a whole chicken breast before serving himself. Chris looks at you, clearly hesitating to say anything for a couple of seconds while you’re poking at your food before saying,

“So, I thought you would like the chicken parm tonight since you seemed kind of down after your run.”

You let go of your fork, which loudly hits your plate, and put your head in your hands before you say, “Oh my God, Chris, I can’t fucking do this.”

“Woah, Y/N, you can't do what? What's wrong?”, Chris asks, shocked.

“What’s wrong, Christopher, is that I heard you on the phone this afternoon. Talking about how I’m supposedly clingy and never want to have sex with you anymore.”

Chris visibly tenses up as he hears your statement and stammers trying to find an excuse to justify his behavior.

“Wait, I… I can explain.”

You hold your hand up, signifying to Chris that you’re not done.

“First of all, you have absolutely no right to talk to anybody about our sex life without at least asking me first, which you know I would absolutely not agree with. Second of all, you should know by now that if you have any problems with me, you come to me. You don’t go talking to some random person about it behind my back.”

You angrily get up from the table and narrow your eyes at Chris as you continue.

“And third, not that you deserve any justification whatsoever for me not wanting to have sex with you, but I gained weight, Chris. Way too much weight. I find myself fat and gross and I didn’t want you to see my body and think the exact same things I think every single time I see myself in the mirror.”

You sniffle as you realize that you had been crying.

“And you can help yourself to the couch tonight.”

You walk up the stairs and, mindful to not wake Emma up, you softly close your bedroom door. You immediately snuggle into the covers while soft sobs rake through your body. You’re not sure how long you lay there crying but you eventually fall asleep from exhaustion.

You groggily wake up a couple of hours later while the sun is starting to rise as you hear Emma’s cries on the baby monitor. You rub your eyes as you get out of the bed and head over to her room. You take Emma out of her crib and immediately identify that her diaper is full. You feel your headache from crying developing further as you’re changing Emma.

When you’re finished, you take Emma in your arms and bounce her up and down while softly humming to help her fall back asleep with Dodger dutifully following you.

You head downstairs in search of painkillers for your headache while continuing to hum to Emma. While passing through the living room, you can see Chris’ head resting on the couch armrest. As Dodger spots him, he heads over to him and whines softly before setting himself at the end of the couch, prepared to fall back asleep.

You chuckle slightly before downing the painkillers and heading back up to Emma’s room, ready to put her back in bed. You set her down and tuck her in before exhaling softly and heading back to your bedroom.

Your headache and the painkillers had effectively made you exhausted again as you fall asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow.

When you finally wake up for the day, you groan at the faint traces of your headache still present. You look over at your nightstand and see that it’s now 7:30am. You roll your eyes at this. You had barely slept an additional hour.

Figures. You never really slept that well when Chris wasn't in bed with you.

As your senses start to really awaken, you smell some coffee and hear the shower running for a couple of seconds after which, it stops.

Before you know it, Chris walks out of the bathroom, body steaming, with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. He suddenly stops in his tracks as he realizes you’re awake.

God… Even when he pissed you off, he was still hot as fuck.

He lightly clears his throat before saying, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just wanted to take a shower after my workout.”

You gently shake your head before responding with a raspy voice, “You didn’t wake me, it’s fine.”

Chris nods his head once before tightly smiling. You can feel the tension in the room as Chris stands in front of the bathroom door and looks anywhere but at you. After a couple of seconds, he softly sniffles and croaks, “Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

You sit up in the bed and lean on the headboard as you frown softly. Chris makes his way to you and softly sits on his side of the bed with his head hung. You can see from the various expressions that are passing on his face that he’s trying to find the words to talk to you

“I didn’t really sleep last night because I kept thinking about what you said. And I realized how much of an asshole I was.” He balls up his fists as he shakes his head and continues, “I never should have talked about any of those things with Matt and I’m so sorry that I did. I’m also sorry that I never came to talk to you, like a grown man, and instead just talked about you behind your back.”

Chris hesitantly reaches for your hands and takes them into his when he sees that you’re not negatively reacting to him while tears are dropping on the covers.

“Above all, I’m especially sorry that I ever made you feel like I wasn’t there for you and like you couldn’t come to me. I really didn’t know how you felt about yourself and it breaks my heart that I let you go through this alone when I should have been there to support you after Emma was born."

He shrugs gently before finishing with, "And for what it’s worth, I think you’re as beautiful now as you were while you were pregnant and before you got pregnant.”

Chris looks up at you with red eyes as he waits for you to say something. You open and close your mouth multiple times as you’re trying to find the right words to respond to him.

You finally settle on, “I don’t know that I can forgive you right now, Chris. What you did really hurt me. Like a lot.”

Chris’ head slightly hangs down before you finish with, “However, I don’t think it would be beneficial to our family for us to be apart right now.”

As soon as he hears this, Chris’ head snaps up, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“I’m gonna need space and time to work through this but I believe that our relationship is stronger than this.”

Chris nods excitedly and bites his bottom lip before asking, “Is it okay if I hug you?”

You lightly nod your head and chuckle slightly as Chris practically throws himself at you. He rests his head in the crook of your neck before whispering “I love you so much, Y/N.”

Without hesitation, you whisper back, “I love you too, Chris.”

If there was something that you knew would never change is that you loved Chris, forever and always.

#chris evans #chris evans x black!reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfic #chris evans x black reader #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x woc #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfics

401 notes · View notes

bubblegumbeech · 3 years

Text

My first Phic Phight fic!

For @ecto-american’s prompt

His name was Danny.

That was the first thing he knew for sure was true, when he had first woken up it was what everyone called him, and it fit just fine, wasn’t something off or uncomfortable so he let it settle over him before he tried to speak.

His voice didn’t come at first, and it hurt to try so the nurses made him promise to take it easy for now, to sit back and listen. So he did.

He listened as the people around him spoke at length about how much they missed him, about how they couldn’t wait to get him home again, about how glad they were he’d survived.

The loudest and most talkative of the people that visited him and called him Danny, was a large man in an orange jumpsuit that went on long enthusiastic tangents that Danny had long stopped paying attention to. He was almost always with a smaller, authoritative woman named Maddie, who insisted He call her Mom. They told him they were his parents.

They told him they loved him.

And then they told him everything else.

The first time Danny remembered something it was with excitement, he was still in the hospital room and between the visits from the men in the starched white suits, his parents, and the doctor, he had been wrestling with the feeling that something was missing.

It had only been when Maddie had finally taken off the hood and goggles of her jumpsuit had Danny gotten a flash of familiar red hair and asked, “where’s Jazz?”

His heart buzzed at the question, sure, so sure that it would get answered, that he had remembered something.

But both Jack and Maddie had just looked at him, disappointed, and he couldn’t bring himself to ask again.

Eventually, once the doctor declared him competent and unlikely to slip back into his coma, his parents had taken him home.

There were streamers all over the house and a giant party banner that read “Welcome Back” in thick black lettering and Danny forced out a small smile as he looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings. Maddie walked up behind him and he flinched, his body acting before his brain could catch up.

She had frowned at his reaction, and when Danny, stuttering, tried to apologize she said it was okay, and with a tightlipped smile, she pulled him into a hug.

He forced himself to relax, frustrated with himself. This was his mother, there was no reason for his instincts to be so afraid. Jack had joined the hug and eventually Danny found himself relaxing for real, sure maybe getting his memories back was a slow uphill climb, but at least he wouldn’t do it alone.

Eventually his parents let him go and told him he was free to walk around the house and reacquaint himself with it. His room was the first door on the left upstairs, the bathroom was down the hall and the basement, apparently, was off limits.

So Danny went upstairs into his room. It looked something like a teenager’s room he supposed. There were the posters hung haphazardly on the walls and they were torn at the corners as if someone had ripped them all off the walls before hastily taping them back up. The bed was made too, and there was a lot less dust than he was expecting after being gone for a whole month.

In fact, it looked like he’d cleaned and organized the whole room before he’d fallen into his coma and Danny didn’t know why, but that thought set him on edge. Maybe he was just an organized person?

It was just… he didn’t feel very organized.

He kept looking around. There was that feeling that something was missing, something important to him, and he walked over to the nightstand by his bed. Placing a hand on the polished wood Danny fought the flash of a model spaceship that appeared in his memories. It wasn’t here though and Danny frowned. Was that something else he’d thrown away and simply forgotten?

Shaking his head Danny headed back downstairs, maybe he should just ask Jack, er, his dad? He should really get used to calling them mom and dad. But before he headed down he went to the room across from his and knocked.

Maybe he was being foolish, but he had expected someone to answer, had a name even come to mind. When no answer came he opened the door himself only to find a storage room, nothing but shelves and boxes and Danny scolded himself for the painful ache he felt in his heart.

It was another week before Danny had another memory, and just like the last two, it didn’t fit quite right. Like a piece from another puzzle jammed where it shouldn’t fit. So he’d asked Maddie.

“Sam?” she’d said, a carefully blank look on her face, “Oh! I remember Sam, she was an old friend of yours you used to talk about her all the time. Shame she moved away.”

And just like that, he’d had his answer as ill fitting as it was. Sam was a girl he knew that moved away, the memory he’d had, of her crying face screaming at him to stay awake just stay awake damnit, was probably from a long time ago. The pain he felt in his chest -just to the right of his heart- at the thought of her not being near and that he’d probably never see her again? That was nothing important.

It was another couple of weeks of sleeping in that house, waking up and going downstairs to eat with his parents, to chat about memories he didn’t have and tell stories he never resonated with, before he woke up screaming for the first time.

Maddie had instantly run into his room, Jack not far behind and Danny scrambled away from them both. His mind filled with images of painful green light and the ominous glint of red goggles twisting his reflection in their lenses as they looked down on him.

His parents had pushed past the barrier of pillows and blankets he’d made and pulled him into their arms, rocking him and shushing him until eventually he’d tired himself out from crying and fallen asleep again. The nightmares returned.

Eventually Danny stopped asking questions about his memories.

Either they were incomplete, fragments of something real that had been twisted in time, or they were wrong entirely, figments of his own active imagination. He’d never had a sister, they insisted. It was his mother, Maddie that had stayed up late some nights to help him with his homework and bake him safe, edible cookies as a reward. Tucker was a kid he knew at school, yes, but he’d moved away years ago and they hadn’t spoken in person since.

He had blue eyes, when he looked in the mirror, not green.

It was frustrating, being unable to trust himself- his own memories. If it was anything more than broken, incomplete fragments he’d have argued, insisted they were real.

But then again, he also had memories of Maddie leaning over him, scalpel in hand to cut away at his flesh. And he knew that couldn’t be true; the woman that smiled every time he came downstairs, called him sweetie and kissed him on his forehead every night, wasn’t the monster in his dreams. She couldn’t be.

So he ignored them.

He ignored the moments of instinct when Maddie or Jack went for a hug or a kiss and he flinched, ready for an attack. He ignored how he never seemed able to give a straight answer when they asked about his day, even if he hadn’t done anything interesting at all. And he ignored his nightmares, stuffing towels under his doorframe to muffle the sounds of his screams. There was no reason to keep waking up his parents like that.

But no matter how much he ignored, he compartmentalized, or he forced himself to smile, to hug back, and to spend time bonding with his parents, he never felt safe. Maddie insisted that he was, of course she did, this was his home. But even as he smiled and agreed and let her hug him again, he wanted to leave.

This time his dream wasn’t a nightmare. No scary, well lit labs with beakers and glowing buttons, or disgusting, painful flowers shoved into his mouth. Instead there was the ticking of clocks, rhythmic and constant. A gloved hand gently soothed his hair back, and Danny’s fear seemed so far away.

It was the first full night of sleep he’d had since he’d gotten “home”.

That morning he’d asked for an analogue clock. His parents had been confused, but they acquiesced easily and took him to the store to pick one out. The one he’d ended up choosing was a large ornate antique with little clockwork gears and a loud tick. He was excited to put it up in his room, right above his bed.

He slept better after that, and some of the tension that had been building in the house eased.

His dreams were still mostly nightmares, attacks by inhuman ghostly figures were the most prominent. But they didn’t leave the same bitter aftertaste, fear and uncertainty as the ones with the table, the scalpel, and the round, red goggles.

But now they were interspersed with better ones, fuzzy hugs and fields of blinding white, sitting in a garden pruning flowers as a soft, familiar voice gave him instructions, playing video games as the player character, confident and excited with a familiar presence at his back. And his favorite ones, the ones in the clock tower with the hooded figure and his soft smiles. The ones where he felt safest.

The ones that couldn’t be real, not if what his parents told him was true.

The next time they went out as a family after that Danny had wanted to go to a garden, and while at first Maddie was hesitant, Jack had insisted the great outdoors were perfect for helping him recover properly. Danny had been thrilled and hugged both of them in thanks, their answering smiles were soft and Danny had the thought that it had been some time since he’d seen those smiles reach their eyes.

Danny had a video game he apparently liked to play called Doom, and he was pretty good at it, judging by the level of his character. When he tried to message either of the two friends he had on his contact list though, the game glitched and his info got deleted. Frustrated he tried to reboot the system but the game itself had somehow gotten corrupted and there was no hope in recovery.

Just another thing that was apparently important to him that he’d destroyed or couldn’t find.

The worst was the time he woke with Maddie sitting next to him in his bed, she had a troubled look on her face and he didn’t know what it was he’d done wrong. Had he screamed in his sleep without knowing it?

“Danny honey,” she had said, looking over to him but not meeting his eyes, “do you remember what you dreamed about?”

He’d answered no, he hadn’t, which was mostly true. The only thing he really remembered about his dream was the feeling of safety and the ticking of a clock.

It took a month for Danny’s parents to feel comfortable leaving him alone in the house in order to go to work. He watched them walk out the door, fending off forehead kisses and muttered reassurances that they’d be home soon to check on him and that he should call if he needed anything, anything at all.

Once the door clicked shut however, the smile dropped off of Danny’s face and he set his eyes on the one thing he’d wanted… no, needed to do since he had that first nightmare.

He went to the basement.

The feeling of going down the stairs stumbled over a vague, blurry memory and Danny felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand. This was just to be sure, just to prove to himself that all those dreams, all those nightmares he’d been having since his parents brought him home, were just that, nightmares.

He opened the door at the bottom of the stairs, confused when there was no lock, no resistance at all. Hadn’t they said he was banned from being down here? Why wouldn’t they lock it? Even Bluebeard locked the door his wife wasn’t supposed to enter.

The basement was…

A basement.

There were no spooky ominous beakers of strange and unrecognizable fluids, no haphazard lab equipment lying around without safety devices, nothing sterile or blinking and there was certainly no large metal table to strap someone down on.

It was just a normal basement with boxes and a desk, some chairs, a couple of old pieces of random furniture and Danny let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. This meant that Maddie was right, they really were just nightmares, probably some subconscious latent fear of going home with strangers that he couldn’t remember. That was all.

So why did he feel disappointed?

The next week was full of Danny waiting for his parents to leave before exploring the house more thoroughly. More than once he’d gotten caught in a half remembered routine that didn’t actually fit with his surroundings. Like bracing for a fight every time he opened the fridge, or expecting another flight of stairs after the second floor. Once he’d even risked going outside for a walk, trying to find his school based on half remembered directions that only served to get him lost.

It was a new routine that Danny found himself thankful for.

Not that he didn’t love his parents, he did! But for some reason, when they were gone, and it was just him with his space posters and his ornate ticking clock, and the piles of modified schoolwork that was supposed to help him when it was time to reintegrate into school, he felt a lot more relaxed. More carefree.

That was why, when he’d found the picture, it had felt like his world had crashed around him.

His parents had come home to find him sitting in the middle of the basement, tears long dried, and with the picture clutched tight in his hands, crumpled now with how long it had been.

“You lied to me.” he accused once they were within earshot. He didn’t have the energy to speak much louder than a whisper, but it seemed to echo in the silence nonetheless.

“Danny-boy we can explain-”

“No!” Danny shouted, getting to his feet, “You lied to me .”

Jack flinched back and Maddie stepped in front of him, protective, as if somehow, out of the three of them Danny might be the threat. He growled.

“I trusted you to tell me the truth, I trusted you with my memories, memories that were lost to me . I had a sister! You had a daughter . She existed, she was real, she’s in this photo! Smiling! ” Danny couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, it was all too much. To know that the girl in his shattered memories, the one with the soft hugs and the floral scents, that baked him cookies and held him when he cried at night, was real. And that she was gone, erased by the people he was supposed to be able to trust.

He moved to storm past them, to go upstairs or maybe even outside and look up at the sky and try to make something of the twisting, knotted mess that was his emotions, his mind, his everything right now. But Maddie grabbed his arm before he could, tears spilling from her eyes.

“We didn’t want to hurt you Danny.” she said, voice soft and broken, “we didn’t want to give and then take away.”

She pulled him into a hug and Danny didn’t bother to struggle or try and break out of it, just let her cry into his shoulder as he stood there, waiting for his own tears to dry.

The next day Jack and Maddie left for work with more reluctance, neither one willing to leave Danny on his own again. But worry didn’t pay the bills and whatever it was they were doing at their job, it was clearly important. That was something Danny was starting to remember, all the things that were more important than him.

Danny went to the library this time, determined to start figuring things out on his own. His parents had said that his sister, Jazz, had died in the accident that had put him in a coma. They said they didn’t want to hurt him, or risk him not wanting to recover his memories if they were painful and that grief was difficult to deal with even without the head trauma and emotional conflict.

His parents said a lot of things, Danny was starting to realize. And almost none of it could be trusted to be true.

The first thing he did was look for a death certificate for his sister, Jazz Fenton. After hours of searching, reading every single name that existed in every obituary for this town in the entire month when his parents claimed the accident had happened.

But there was nothing. Nothing at all.

So next he looked up phone records. Any Tuckers or Samanthas he could find, but he couldn’t remember their last names at all, just what they looked like.

How they had been crying over him.

He didn’t know if he believed that they’d just moved away. Then again, it was becoming increasingly clear that he didn’t know what to believe, if he believed anything at all. By the time he’d gotten home it was late, and his parents were already there.

At first they didn’t believe he was just at the library “trying to catch up on stuff” but they calmed back down once he’d shown them his library card and snapped that if he couldn’t even do that much why did they bother bringing him back from the hospital at all.

Dinner had been a quiet affair.

It took another week of library visits and recurring nightmares of dissection tables and glowing ghostly figures that attacked him before Danny gave up on finding out anything about Sam or Tucker. But he still didn’t stop searching for Jazz.

There was something almost obsessive about his search for her, he just couldn’t let it go. He had to know where she was, and if his parents, against all odds, hadn’t lied to him about that ... Well that was something he’d have to come to terms with when he came to it, not before.

He started scouring the Internet for her name desperate to find something, anything on her. And eventually he did.

There was an old article, from at least half a decade ago, that had her picture under the title “Four Teens go Missing in wake of Fenton Investigation”.

Next to her were two equally familiar pictures. Sam and Tucker… and then Danny himself.

Scrolling, desperate to find something, anything to add up the memories he was getting into a clear picture, he began to read the article.

In wake of the Investigation into the Fenton‘s possible abuse, Danny Fenton (15), his sister Jazz Fenton (17), and two friends Sam Manson and Tucker Foley (15), have seemingly disappeared.

The discovery came shortly after Jack and Madeline Fenton were released on parol and allowed to return home to spend time with their children since no physical proof could be found of any alleged wrongdoings.

What could have caused their disappearances remains a mystery. The prevailing theory is that they were involved in a cult that may have demonized the Fenton parents due to their controversial occupation as “ghost hunters”. Another popular theory is that the children fled the results of the case, afraid of the alleged illegal experimentation. Other theories include kidnapping, witness protection, the possibility of murder, and tying up loose ends.

Will we ever discover the truth? It remains to be seen.

Ghost hunters …

Danny felt his stomach drop, a wave of nausea rolled through him and he had to fight off the urge to relive his lunch.

Experimentation?

Nightmares and half remembered memories started clicking into place, finally , and Danny couldn’t stand it. Why were the only answers that made sense the ones that hurt the worst?

Would it have been better if he’d just let it go? If his memories never returned at all? If he just kept living, eating homemade cookies and flinching from hugs until eventually the itch underneath his skin dulled and he could just be happy as he was.

He closed the tab.

There was no one home when he got there, and it gave him the chance to pack what little belongings he had that held any meaning to him at all. The motions were familiar and he had the faintest feeling he had done exactly this before.

Maybe he had.

He’d made it out the front door by the time his parents pulled into the drive.

There was the urge to run, to go back inside and hide and pretend he hadn’t been doing exactly what they caught him doing. But he was tired. He was so tired of feeling wrong and scared and uncertain and never knowing why.

So he held his head up as they got into the car and approached them with their hands raised, cautiously, like he was a wild animal they were afraid of spooking.

Was that what they thought he was?

“Danny, we can talk about this,” Maddie said, beseeching.

He met her eyes with his own. “Will you promise not to lie anymore? I don’t even know how old I am-”

“You’re fifteen son-” Jack interrupted, lying again.

“I was fifteen five years ago!” Danny yelled, his hand tightening into a fist, “I found the article! I read about the case! Five years ago.”

“Danno…”

Oh, he was crying. It was novel almost, Danny had thought he was too tired to cry, that there wasn’t anything more that could hurt him enough to create such a response and he didn’t quite know how to react to it.

He raised his hands awkwardly to scrub the tears away and stepped back, frightened, when Maddie tried to move closer to comfort him.

“Stay back! Stay back…” he looked at his hands, they were young hands, his reflection too, hadn’t changed from the picture in the article at all. Experiments. “What did you do to me?”

“It was an accident.” Jack said, before Maddie stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm.

“We didn’t know Danny. How could we have?” She said, keeping her distance, cautious. “We tried to fix it-”

“Fix what? ” He hissed, “you haven’t told me what happened! You haven’t told me anything!”

“You!” Maddie finally snapped, tears falling heavy down her cheeks. “We were trying to fix you… but it wasn’t working and you just kept getting sicker… weaker… we had to stop.”

It was too much for her, and she turned away, leaning into Jack’s large frame as he comforted her. “We didn’t want to lose you, Danny.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You already did.”

Danny left his parents there, crying on the driveway of a house that could never have been a home. He had a clock tower to find.

#Danny phantom #Phic Phight #Phic Phight 2021 #fanfic #my fic #Bee’s writing

359 notes · View notes