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farfromsugafanfic · 3 years

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Sutures - Chapter Two: Conjugate

Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader

Warnings (chapter specific): invasions of privacy

Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine

There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?

Notes: This was originally written and completed on Wattpad between 2018 and the beginning of 2020. I’ll be slowly posting the chapters here. I may make a tag list depending on if enough people want to follow along with updates. Leave me some feedback if you would like added to a tag list.

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You sighed as the nurse pulled the IV out of your arm. The muscles in your body relaxing for the first time in hours.

"There we are," the nurse said. "Looks like you'll be out of here in a few hours. Just make sure not to get too far from that man of yours."

You smiled up at her, not wanting to explain that he wasn't your man and that you'd only just learned his name from a news broadcast a few hours ago. When Eunji had texted you that he was an idol, you'd thought she was joking. She was drunk after all and probably would've called any guy flirting with you an idol.

"This is crazy," Eunji said. "What're you going to do?"

"I don't know," you said. "I guess I'll have to contact him somehow."

"Did you get his number?"

"No, we never intended to see each other again."

"Well, he's looking for you."

---

"Jang Sumi?" a man asked, knocking politely as he entered.

"Yes?"

He bowed politely as he entered.

"I'm Bang Sihyuk, CEO of BigHit Entertainment," he said.

Your eyes grew wide and you immediately bowed, feeling slightly embarrassed you hadn't recognized him and done so before.

"We would like to discuss a proposal with you. If you'd please sit down," he said, pointing to the newly made hospital bed.

You sat down and the man sat down in the chair Eunji sat when you first awoke. "We have reason to believe you are Min Yoongi's soulmate. I'm sure the doctors have already explained that this means the two of you must remain near each other."

You nodded.

"In order to protect his career, we would like you to move into the BTS dorm. We will pay you and compensate you for any trouble."

"What about my career?" you asked.

The man nodded, his shoulders relaxing as if he'd expected you to question him.

"We've done our research and you're an English tutor? You can continue online sessions and do occasional in-person sessions away from the dorm. We don't want to take away your livelihood by any means. We want to protect both of you."

Your mind overflowed with thoughts. You'd be living with seven guys. Seven idols. Would girls get jealous? Would their fans even know? You had too many questions for the man to possibly answer.

You could certainly use the extra money and without having to pay rent, it would allow you to begin saving money. Something you'd wanted since you'd moved out.

You'd have to work less though, but you were sure the compensation that BigHit offered would be more than enough to make up for the fewer hours.

"All right," you said. "As long as I can keep my job, I agree."

---

"Boys, this is Jang Sumi," Bang PD said.

You bowed to the seven boys in front of you, secretly wishing the much more charming Eunji hadn't gone home. Even though it was obvious they had rushed to the hospital based on the various array of sweatpants and messy hair, they all still looked gorgeous.

The boys bowed back and their gazes wandered down to your neck, their eyes wide. You hadn't noticed the bruises there from the night before. You shyly broke eye contact and looked over to Yoongi who sat with his feet dangling off the hospital bed.

You met his dark eyes. Instead of the mysterious and hungry look they'd held the night before, they now looked exhausted and slightly annoyed. His gaze left yours momentarily as his eyes looked down at the bruises on your neck. His face remained expressionless except for a small flick of his tongue between his lips.

"The doctors need to run a few more tests and talk with Yoongi and Sumi," Bang PD said. "We should leave them alone"

The six other boys filed out of the room and you took a seat on the bed next to Yoongi, leaving a large space between you, so that it would be nearly impossible to accidentally brush against one another.

"Hi," you said. "So, it's been an interesting day, huh?"

The boy didn't respond and before you could make more futile attempts to fill the silence two doctors walked into the room.

"Min Yoongi and Jang Sumi?"

You both nodded and bowed.

"All right, I know this is all a bit overwhelming right now, but once we all discuss and decide on the various options, I'm sure you'll feel better." The doctor flipped a few pages on his clipboard before looking back up at you. "So, as you both know, this is still a fairly rare condition. Finding one's soulmate and having it cause heart attack like symptoms is not well understood. Due to this, we request at least monthly check-ups for at least the first year for both of you to ensure your heart is okay and to check your overall health. The rest depends on how the two of you choose to proceed. Are you two currently in a relationship?"

"No," you both answered.

The doctor nodded.

"The easiest and best way to proceed is to attempt a relationship. While it might be awkward at first, for your overall general health, it will be the best way to adjust and will allow the withdrawals to be less frequent and violent in the future. If--"

"No," Yoongi said. "We can't do a relationship."

"What do you mean?" you asked, your head whipping around to face him. The last thing you wanted was to be in a relationship with a man you barely knew, especially the day after you'd officially ended it with your ex. But if the doctors said it was the best way to deal with the situation, you were inclined to listen.

"It's for both of our own good," he said. "You have no idea what a relationship with an idol would be like."

"Well, there are other options," the doctor said, glancing between the two of you. "If you truly don't want to be together, we can work on trying to weaken or even sever the connection between you. It is rare and difficult to do, but it has been achieved. You will have to stay in the same building as the other person most of the time. There do seem to be some exceptions such as work or situations where the other absolutely can't be present. However, at first, these withdrawals will be powerful and you may not be able to leave the building without the other person at all. For the first week, we suggest not doing so.

"In order to attempt to sever the connection, we will have to monitor your mental health and work to keep the relationship on track. While you don't have to remain distant from each other, it is important to not have feelings for each other, or else it will not work. You will have monthly or bi-weekly appointments with a psychiatrist who is trained to work with cases like this.

"You will also experience something we like to call urges. These are instances of extreme attraction to one another. It will be extremely difficult to be apart from each other during these times. It is important that you be together in these times, but if you are choosing not to pursue a relationship, you must do your best to resist the attraction."

After the doctor was done explaining everything and had recorded your decision to attempt and sever the connection, they drew blood from both of you and allowed you to leave.

---

You'd spent the rest of the day packing. Your things were going to be confined mostly to one room, meaning you had to downsize and choose what was most important to you.

You heard a knock on the door and before you could answer it, it was already open and Eunji and the entirety of BTS came through your door.

"Sorry if I scared you," Eunji said. "I let them in."

"Sumi," the tallest one said. He was the leader, Kim Namjoon, according to Google. You figured you should at least try to learn your new roommates. He introduced himself and the rest of the boys, other than Yoongi. "We decided to help you pack up before the movers get here. I'm sure it's quite overwhelming to have to move all of a sudden."

"Yes," you said. "This is very sweet. I guess, um, you could help clean up a bit? I haven't had a chance to clean the kitchen since I got home. And, maybe someone else wouldn't mind getting dinner?"

"No problem," Namjoon said, motioning to the members.

"I'll be in my bedroom if you have any questions or need me for anything."

Eunji was already bonding with the younger members of the band and showed them where all of the cleaning supplies were kept. You smiled at her ability to make friends quickly and headed back to your bedroom.

Your suitcase laid open on your bed as you sorted through your clothes, trying to decide what to keep. You'd already packed the essentials, the rest of your closet spread out around the suitcase.

You felt something soft beneath your foot. You bent down and picked up the fabric, recognizing it as the dress you'd worn out the night before. You hated to leave it behind it, but you weren't sure you would need such a nice dress again. And if you did, you could just borrow one of Eunji's. You folded the dress and were attempting to make a decision when a knock sounded on your door.

"Come in."

The door opened and Yoongi walked in. He wore a beanie, a sweatshirt, and a pair of jeans. You almost liked the more casual look on him more than the slightly more dressed up look he'd worn when you first met. You weren't sure if you truly liked it better or if it was just the connection between you talking.

"Sorry to intrude," he said. "I was just wondering if you needed any more help? The rest of the boys pretty much have it handled out there."

You tried to put aside the resentment you felt for the boy from earlier in the day when he so bluntly decided not to follow the best option and try the relationship.

"You can pack up my knitting stuff," you said pointing over to your desk in the corner where you kept yarn, knitting needles, and the various guides. "Just be careful not to tangle the different yarns together."

He nodded and grabbed an empty box and carefully placing each skein in the box. You turned back to the dress in your hands. You fingered the soft fabric and sighed as you went to set aside. Before you could set the dress with the rest of your discarded clothes, you felt a hand take it from you. You looked up at Yoongi, who held the dress and placed it into the suitcase.

"It looks good on you."

---

"You like to knit?" Yoongi asked, a few minutes later.

"Yeah," you said. "It calms me down when I'm stressed."

He nodded as he placed the rest of the items from the desk into the box.

"Sumi!" someone called from the hallway.

"What do you want us to do with this?" one of the boys asked, you believed his name was Jimin, followed by a blond-haired boy, Taehyung. Jimin dangled your stuffed cat in the air, a smirk across his face.

"Hey!" you said. "Don't hold Kitty that way!"

The boy laughed as you snatched the stuffed animal from him. One of Kitty's button eyes was loose and dangled slightly, causing her eyes to look uneven.

"You named it Kitty?" Jimin asked laughing.

Eunji came into the room. She seemed slightly annoyed with the two boys who had run off from their duties.

"I was four!" you said, looking down at the stuffed cat. "Besides, it's an English name!"

"All right, all right," Jimin said, relenting his taunts. "Do you want to take Kitty or not?"

You made eye contact with Eunji who's eyes were wide. She knew what Kitty meant to you, but Kitty was also falling apart. Her eye was the least of her trouble, you'd sewed the majority of her seams back together multiple times. You didn't want to risk Kitty getting lost or falling apart altogether. You knew it was time to let her go.

"She is pretty old and I'm getting too old for toys anyway. Um, I guess put her in with the donation pile." You handed the stuffed animal back to Jimin who took it and hesitantly walked from the room.

You felt tears pricking at your eyes, but you held them back and went back to sorting through your clothes. The task felt harder all of a sudden, but eventually, you finished, zipping up the suitcase.

---

It was late by the time you arrived at the dorm. It was huge, the biggest apartment you'd ever seen. It was surprisingly clean for being inhabited by seven boys, but you figured they were just too busy to cause much of a mess.

The extra bedroom they'd been using as storage was already clear for you. You made your bed and then opened your suitcase and began emptying it into the dresser.

"Need some help?" Namjoon asked, standing in the doorway.

You smiled at the boy as he began sorting your clothes, making it easier for you to put away.

"Thank you," you said. "I'm exhausted and I'm honestly dreading the rest of the boxes getting here tomorrow."

He nodded.

"We've moved a lot," he said. "Sometimes I feel more tired after moving than dance practice."

You both laughed lightly.

"They told me you're an English tutor?"

"Yeah," you said.

"It'll be nice having someone else who can speak English."

"None of the other boys can?"

He shook his head.

"No, they all understand a little. But none of them are fluent."

"We'll have to change that then," you said, laughing.

"How'd you learn it?"

"My mom grew up in the US. Her parents were from here but moved to the US when my mom was a baby. She met my dad when she was here visiting family and she ended up moving when they got married. So, I grew up speaking both Korean and English. My parents recently moved to the US actually, to be closer to my grandparents."

"Wow," he said. "That's a better story than mine. I just watched Friends."

You laughed.

"That's more impressive though. You taught yourself. I kind of just learned it the same time I learned Korean."

You felt some of the nerves you'd felt coming into the dorm beginning to leave you. While you were sure it would talk longer for you to adjust, the boys had all tried to be as helpful and welcoming as possible. Even Yoongi. Despite the fact he'd barely talked to you, he still helped pack up your apartment.

"Sumi," you heard another voice say. You turned around and saw Yoongi standing in the doorway, his eyes focused on his phone. "We have a problem."

"What?" you asked, your eyebrows knitting together.

"Someone found your shoes."

"My shoes? You mean, the ones I left at the bar last night?"

Yoongi nodded.

"Someone is selling them online. They're using the connection to me to get attention. The bidding ends tomorrow."

You grabbed onto the dresser and tried to steady yourself. You'd expected something like this to happen eventually, but just twenty four hours after you'd even met Min Yoongi?

You heard Namjoon say something to Yoongi, but you didn't catch what it was. You felt a hand on your shoulder and saw the leader looking straight at you.

"We're going to get this figured out."

All you could do was nod.

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amelia · 3 years

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related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

#i literally do apologize for how long this got but you have to understand i was holding myself back .#she is…. everything. to me. i could keep going for so long #amy pond #ask #jonismitchell

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tmntgirlie · 4 years

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Saviors in a Half Shell 3

Who knew what chamomile tea and a little honey could do to lighten the mood?

It took less than thirty minutes for the first yawn to come about. It was almost morning by then, about the time the four brothers normally got some sleep in the first place. Leo knew that some humans were night-owls, but they were few and far between. This one kept up.

After a silent but passionate discussion, it was Donatello that relinquished control of his bed for the night in favor of the suicidal human. He grumped quietly about how it should be Leo, thinking that it was his idea in the first place, but didn’t say that to his face. He didn’t dare.

Y/N was already half asleep when Leonardo led her to Donatello’s room. It was probably the least disturbing one, he figured, since there weren’t disturbing graphics on the wall (Mikey), too many bloody warriors (Raph). The reason he didn’t choose his own bed to give up remained a mystery.

“This is definitely going in the journal when I wake up,” Y/N mumbled, climbing up the bedframe. It was actually amusing to watch. She couldn’t have been much taller than five feet, and her legs were definitely not long for her height.

“Napped by mutant turtles? Yeah, I bet. You journal?” Leonardo chuckled quietly. He tried to help her up, but she instead smacked his hand away.

“No, but if I did, this would definitely be a good entry. Maybe I’ll start journaling,” she said through a yawn. She looked down at the bedding with a frown. “You guys really are somethin’.”

Leonardo bid her a quick ‘goodnight’ before he headed back to the living area. None of the others were even close to crashing. It would be a good time to explain the plan.

What little plans he had, anyway.

“Is she living with us now? I didn’t know we could just choose people off the street to come live with us- I would have picked years ago!”

“Mikey, you know April doesn’t think of you like that,” Raph sighed. Leo chuckled, knowing it was yet another time Mikey had to be reminded. “How long is she staying with us?”

Leonardo shrugged, taking his place back on the couch. “Not sure yet. I don’t want to risk her going out and trying something like that again. Thought having her here tonight would be our best bet, and see how it goes from here. She’s not moving in with us, Mikey.”

The orange-embellished turtle pouted.

“I know you want to help her, but what do you think we can do to help? We’re not therapists or psychiatrists, Leo, we’re turtles. Ninja turtles. I’m not sure that fits the bill,” Donatello said as he set his controller down on the table. “We’re way out of our element here.”

He couldn’t deny that his brother was right. They were out of their element. Fighting bad guys was a cinch compared to this. They knew the moves, they were calculated, they worked seamlessly as a team.

This? They’d have to get creative. Losing wasn’t an option. They were this far.

“Master told me that if she was willing enough to come without a fight, there’s something left in her that still wants to live. We can find a way to bring her back to the light somehow.” It was hard to deviate from the very words his father had spoken to him not long ago. There weren’t very many ways to put it otherwise. Bring her back into the light.

Raphael let out a sigh. “She kept talkin’ about how this must be a dream. What if she wakes up and freaks out? She’s in the freaking sewers with four mutant turtles.”

“We just have to bet that she will be okay. I know that none of us asked for this, but it’s our sworn duty to help the citizens of this city. That includes her. We need to find a way to help her.”

“Again, Leo, we’re not therapists. What are we going to do to help her? We don’t even know where to start!” Donatello waved his hands in the air. “We played games with her, we fed her, you gave her tea- what?”

“She’s not like a pet, Donnie,” Leonardo growled.

“Indeed she is not.”

All four brothers turned around to see their sensei walking towards them. At least two of them sighed, likely with relief that maybe he could shed some wisdom on them. That conversation could go round and round for hours at that rate.

“She is a human struggling with her place in the world, a battle against her own thoughts. From what I have witnessed, I believe she needs people in her corner. She needs people that will fight for her, show her the light, and show her that-”

“So she basically needs friends!” Mikey piped in. “That doesn’t seem too hard. We can do that!”

Raph groaned. “We don’t even know her last name. She doesn’t trust us.”

Splinter hummed. “She trusted you enough to talk to you all night. She did not run, she did not scream, did not faint. I might even say that she took the very idea of your existence better than April O’Neil. She trusted the food you gave her. She is even sleeping in a place she does not know. What does that tell you?”

Leonardo kept telling himself that it didn’t mean anything. She just thought this was all a dream anyway. Maybe it was minute to consider these points while they still had no idea what she was really thinking.

When no turtle had an answer, he continued.

“From what was said tonight, I believe her actions were an act of desperation. It is hard to see what can be when everything around you feels dark and you feel there is nowhere to turn. That there might be no light at the end of the tunnel. I know all of you have felt this way. How did you handle it?”

Donatello was the first to answer. “I trusted my brothers to be there for me. I knew they would be, they- you guys supported me, and I knew I could make it.”

“I ate lots of pizza,” Michelangelo said.

“I meditated. A lot,” Leonardo said, making a face at Mikey’s words. Pizza? Was there ever anything else on that guy’s mind?

“I threw myself into training,” Raphael said slowly. “Something I could measure. New personal bests, personal records.”

“All four of you found your own ways to cope with how you were feeling,” Splinter nodded. “Not only did you work to better yourself by yourself, you did so knowing that you had the support of your family.”

“Didn’t she say something about not being close to her family?” Donatello asked, looking back towards Leonardo.

“No dad, something bad about her mom, and… I don’t remember about her sister,” Leo said, scratching his head. He should have paid attention more.

“Something about hotshot accounting,” Mikey added. “The best kind of accounting, if you ask me.”

“You don’t even know what accounting is, stupid,” Raph snickered.

Leo was afraid the bickering that began between Raph and Mikey would never stop. It felt like an eternity before he finally smacked Mikey upside the head.

“Ow!”

“We’re having a conversation here!”

“You are all old enough to decide what is best. I’ve given you the information you need to make a decision on what comes next,” Splinter told them with a small smile. “I have no doubt you will do what is right.”

When the four brothers were left alone, they were left in silence. Not even Michelangelo said a word, which probably almost gave the other three a heart attack. He always had something to say.

Maybe he was growing up.

“So! I’ve decided that she’s living with us now-”

Nevermind on that.

“Dummy, she’s not living with us, she’s just being guarded by us for now,” Leonardo said, giving his youngest brother another wack on the head. “I think I know what we can do now.”

This was his decision. He chose to help this woman. It was his duty. His duty as the leader was to guide his brothers down the right path. With his father’s words in mind, he was almost confident in what he was about to say.

Almost.

“You’re right,” he said. “We’re not therapists. We’re not phsychia-or-whatevers. We’re turtles. But when we see someone in need, we can’t back down just because we’re scared. So here’s the plan.”

It was another hour before the brothers finally made it to bed. For Donatello, the couch. On his way, Leo poked his head into Donnie’s room to make sure everything was alright.

Y/N was sound asleep. She had wrapped the blanket around her what looked like many times like a tight burrito, leaving only her head and forearms out. It reminded him of when Michelangelo was little and would only sleep if the blanket covered 98% of him, leaving very few square inches of himself left out.

He held his breath.

She was still breathing.

He smiled silently to himself as he shut the door most of the way, leaving only a crack of space between it and the wall.

The plan would begin soon.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt imagines #tmnt imagine #tmnt leatherhead #tmnt donnie #tmnt raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt x reader #leo x reader #reader insert #tmnt 2k14 #tmnt 2k16 #tmnt bayverse

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onebadwinter · 3 years

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The Joker Tropes

Taken from Here

0% Approval Rating: Apart from Harley (and even then, only when their on-off relationship is "on"), Gaggy and Punchline, no one likes or supports the Joker. In any way, whatsoever. Damn near every other member of Batman's Rogues Gallery hates his guts, mostly because not only is he completely sociopathic and unpredictable, but also they are all scared shitless by him. The only reason why he's even allowed in teams such as the Legion of Doom is because of that fear: if they exclude him from the lineup, then chances are that dead bodies will be lining the streets in their name. Trickster spells it out in "Underworld Unleashed." Trickster: Great going, Neron, bring in the one guy no one wants to be in the same room with. When super-villains want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories.

Abusive Parents: One common tactic for the Joker to garner sympathy is claiming he was ill-treated by his parents. Given his propensity to spew out different and sometimes contradictory backstories, nobody knows if they're true.Harley Quinn: Joker told me things, secret things he never told anyone... Batman: What did he tell you, Harley? Was it the line about the abusive father, or the one about the alcoholic mom? Of course, the runaway orphan story is particularly moving, too. He's gained a lot of sympathy with that one. What was it he told that one parole officer? Oh, yes... 'There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy. He took me to the ice show when I was seven...' Harley: (crying) Circus... He told me it was the circus. Batman: He's got a million of them, Harley.

Acquired Poison Immunity: In many continuities, he's immune to his trademark Joker Venom/Smilex. In a crossover comic with Captain America, he also proves to be immune to Red Skull's "Dust of Death", as their trademark poisons are too similar to each other.

Ambiguous Disorder: He's undeniably insane and Ax-Crazy, but has no official diagnosis. If anything, he can just be diagnosed with "Being the Joker". However, it’s possible he’s perfectly sane and just The Sociopath, and is using his manipulation abilities to continue his reign of terror.

Ambiguous Start of Darkness: Related to his Multiple-Choice Past; the only thing consistent is that he was a low-level crook who got dunked in chemicals to become the Joker. C While some origins (most notably The Killing Joke) have him being forced into crime, others have him as already a sinister criminal beforehand. Batman (1989) and Batman: The Animated Series choose the Evil All Along interpretation.

Appropriated Appellation:

Arch-Enemy: A classic example to the Batman, and not just in the comics - they are pretty much the iconic gold standard when it comes to this trope. The two of them are the page image for a reason.

Attention Whore: A big part of his motivation in various continuities. He even admits as such at one point, while denying he's not behind one particular crime.Joker: Do you really think I would stir up so much trouble and not make sure you knew it was me?

Ax-Crazy: One of his main characteristics is his willingness to psycho on anyone, including his own henchmen.

Bad Boss: Willing to casually kill his own henchmen for any reason, be it part of a plan, for amusement, or simply on a whim.

Bad People Abuse Animals: Defied by The Joker in at least one story (Emperor Joker). Evil Jimmy Olson kills Superman, who has been turned into a dog, by crushing him underneath a fire hydrant. The Joker is simply annoyed, because he doesn't know how to make something as pointless as beating a dumb animal funny. Jimmy Olson is then beaten to death by two giant robots who appear out of nowhere.

Believing Their Own Lies: He sometimes believes his Multiple-Choice Past, Depending on the Writer of course. One issue of the Robin Series had the Joker actually in tears as he told the psychiatrist of his abusive childhood, only for the psychiatrist to coldly point out that it's the seventh story he's told now.

Berserk Button:

Black Comedy: This is one of Joker’s specialties. To normal people, killing would be a terrible thing, but to Joker, it’s hilarious, especially if he does it in a way that amuses him.

Bond Villain Stupidity: In a "Detective Comics" story written by Paul Dini, the Joker (while impersonating a stage magician he had previously murdered) shot Zatanna in the throat so she couldn't recite a spell to save herself, then locked her in a tank of water while strapping Batman in an electric chair. He didn't shoot her in the head because he wanted Batman to watch helplessly as she died. This didn't go so well because first, he's BATMAN! and second, Zatanna was able to write a healing incantation on the lid of the tank using her own blood, which made the spell even more powerful.

Boring Insult: While the Joker has used it a few times on others, he mostly does it to hear the sound of his own voice as the people he usually slings this insult at don't really care whether or not they're boring. On the other hand, this is Joker's Berserk Button when others use it against him. Most notably, he reacts poorly when Terry deliberately exploits this flaw with glee and even rubs it in his face in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. After all, the natural enemy of a comedian is The Heckler.

Breakout Villain: The Trope Codifier for comics. DC's initial intention was to kill him off in his second appearance. Fortunately, editor Whitney Ellsworth convinced DC to spare him, a panel was hastily added to show that he'd survived, and the Joker rapidly became not only Batman's Arch-Enemy, but arguably the most iconic example of an Arch-Enemy in all of fiction.

Break the Comedian: A sure way to determined if things have gotten real, even for the Joker, is if he isn't laughing or joking. A famous example involved the Joker being frightened during the events of Alan Moore's Swamp Thing run, when he was horrified by Arcane's actions.

Clear My Name: The Brave and the Bold has him framed for several murders and he must use Batman's help.

Collective Identity: As revealed in Darkseid War and DC Rebirth, the Joker has been used by three people, though Batman: Three Jokers clarified it as this: The Criminal (the original "Golden Age" Joker from the character's debut in Batman #1), The Clown (the "Silver Age" Joker, strongly implied to be the one who killed Jason Todd), and The Comedian (the current "Modern Age" Joker, who kidnapped and tormented Jim Gordon).

Combat Pragmatist : While his fighting prowess varies from remarkably proficient to extremely weak Depending on the Writer, the Joker is a consistently dirty fighter, striking enemies when and where they are most vulnerable. Besides his myriad of gag gadgets, he often carries concealed weapons, gases and acids on his person, and won't hesitate to brandish a wrench or smash a chair over your head in a pinch. He is usually adept with knives and, unlike Batman, rarely has any reservations about firearms. He has no qualms kicking an opponent when they're down, and will employ deception, feigning surrender or defeat to get Batman to lower his guard.

Comic-Book Fantasy Casting:

Confusion Fu: This is often his last line of defense when Batman corners him, especially in the animated television shows. Effectiveness varies.

Cop Killer: Sometimes police officers are among the Joker's victims:

Create Your Own Villain: Most stories posit he was chased by Batman through a factory with No OSHA Compliance, which caused him to be exposed to acid, discoloring his skin and hair and driving him insane when he sees his reflection. Often he claims Batman is responsible for turning him into The Joker.

Creepy High-Pitched Voice: In voiced roles, he usually has a high-pitched voice to contrast Batman's Badass Baritone.

Crossover Villain-in-Chief: In DC's Crisis Crossover events that involve a lot of villains, like Salvation Run and Forever Evil, The Joker usually fills this role along with Lex Luthor.

Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Insanity aside, sometimes the Joker's plans and methods are so out there they just seem stupid. Despite appearances, he's usually very cunning, and always very dangerous. In fact, part and parcel of what makes the Joker's plans devastating is that he knows how to hide the punchline for lack of a better word. The plans are so innocuous, so disheveled and so utterly random that they usually have no sane MO, which makes it hard to see the bigger picture of the plan unless Batman pieces it together quickly.

Critical Psychoanalysis Failure: Happens frequently, though this may be an indication of the competence of the staff at Arkham. One such time was with Dr. Harleen Quinzel, who bought his story hook, line and sinker and declared him sane, then broke him out of Arkham and started dating him (of course, her exact analysis was that he was utilizing Obfuscating Insanity and it's implied that she was actually right, so perhaps she was the only good doctor at Arkham after all...)

Deadly Prank: He generally considers murdering someone for a joke to be morally no different than putting a whoopie cushion on their chair.

Depending on the Artist: His depiction varies a lot between eras and between different artists in the same period. Major differences are whether he can form facial expressions other than a grin, and whether he is average-sized or freakishly tall and thin.

Depending on the Writer: There are many huge variations, the most common and glaring being:

Depraved Homosexual: Not above invoking this deliberately to get under Batman's skin. Whether he means all his flirting and feel-copping varies slightly Depending on the Writer and heavily depending on one's own interpretation.

Diplomatic Impunity: In A Death in the Family, Ayatollah Khomeini appoints him the UN ambassador to Iran, giving him diplomatic immunity. This was later retconned to the fictional Syraq due to reasons of taste.

Dirty Coward: There is a common misconception that Joker has no regard for his own life and doesn't care if he dies or not. In actuality he does care, and the reason he keeps taunting morally good characters into killing him is because he's confident that they don't have the guts to off him. When he comes across someone who is willing to kill him, he shows his true colors as a sniveling little coward where he starts pleading for his life.The Punisher: I got all the therapy you need right here, comedian.The Joker: You're really going to do it.

Disproportionate Retribution: Has been known to try to kill people for minor slights, such as welshing on a bet on a sporting event for trivial stakes.

Domestic Abuse: This characterizes his relationship with his "henchwench" Harley Quinn to a T. Joker frequently yells at her, puts her down, humiliates her, and exposes her to all manner of violence ranging from "merely" slapping or punching her to outright trying to murder her. Such is her Mad Love that she ignored his abuse for most of her existence in comic history, with the two only separating in the late 2010s.

The Dreaded: Easily one of the most feared villains in the entire DC universe. Other villains are afraid of him; it's been said that when criminals want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories.

Driven to Madness: Doing this to others has become part of his MO. What triggered his own insanity and belief in nihilism remains unknown.

Early Installment Weirdness: Just take a gander at his earliest appearances:

Electric Joybuzzer: One of his signature weapons, a lethal variation, most memorably used in Batman (1989). He ended up Hoist by His Own Petard when trying to use it on Static.Static: That was fun. Let me try! (BZZZZT!) (Batman approves.)

Enemy Mine:

Even Evil Has Standards: Oddly enough, this trope does occasionally apply to him.

Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Completely averted with Harley. He physically and emotionally abuses her and tried to kill her on numerous occasions. They eventually break up in the New 52 continuity.

Evil All Along: Some versions, such as the DC Animated Universe and Batman (1989), go with the interpretation that the Joker was evil, if not outright Ax-Crazy, even before his fateful transformation, with the chemicals just making him worse.

Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: The Joker is Nihilism Incarnate: he believes that life is pointless and insane, and the only thing anyone can do is give into the madness. Life is a joke, and once he got the joke he never stopped laughing at it. One of the reasons he's obsessed with Batman is because Batman is The Anti-Nihilist: Batman also thinks, to some degree at least, that life is meaningless. But rather than embrace the madness, Batman fights against it, trying to bring order to chaos through his heroic actions. So Batman got the joke too, but he's not laughing, and the Joker doesn't understand why.

Evil Genius: Though rarely the focus of his character, Joker is usually an extremely gifted chemist, constantly creating new and better versions of his signature laughing gas. He's also (unsurprisingly) a skilled planner on par with Batman himself, in addition to being extremely charismatic and manipulative when he wants to be.

Evil Is Petty: Joker truly sees no difference between throwing cream pies, robbing a museum, and brutal, torturous mass-murder. To him, it's all just part of the joke.

Evil Sounds Deep: Jack Nicholson in Batman (1989) and Kevin Michael Richardson in The Batman both give the Joker a deep, sinister voice, contrasting his usual higher-pitched depictions in other works.

Facial Horror: His iconic "perma-clown" appearance (the green hair, chalk-white skin, and most of the time, red lips) is the result of being submerged in a tank of chemicals. However, there was times this has gotten worse.

Fame Through Infamy: He's practically built a career on crimes designed more to spread his infamy than anything else. Perhaps his true illness is that he is an Attention Whore through and through...

Faux Affably Evil: Often addresses others in a polite and friendly way before he unleashes merry hell on them.

Flanderization: Over the years, his actions have become almost exclusively focused on causing as much carnage and chaos as possible or harassing Batman and his allies rather than performing any non-lethal mischief or practical crime.

Foe Romance Subtext: Sometimes will mess with Batman's mind by calling him by pet names or using innuendo. Or outright groping him. According to later writers, Joker regards their hero/villain dynamic as a very special relationship, and resents anyone or thing that gets in the way of it (like all those family members Bruce enjoys hanging out with), which is disturbingly like a jealous lover.

Foil: To Batman in several ways. If the origin offered in Killing Joke is to be believed, both Batman and Joker had one bad day that put them on very different paths.

For the Evulz: The usual motives of the Joker. Many of his crimes always involve sowing chaos and the schadenfreude of other people's misery.

Freudian Excuse: Even he isn't sure of his own history and will crop up multiple reasons for his insanity. The most accepted version is that he was a thug named the Red Hood who gets disfigured falling into a vat while trying to escape Batman. His backstory still remains a mystery.

Freudian Excuse Is No Excuse: Best displayed in The Killing Joke: Joker's "one bad day" is just an excuse, as he neither knows nor cares if it actually happened that way, and Batman confronts him on how his attempt to similarly break Commissioner Gordon failed.Batman: Despite all your sick, vicious little games, he's as sane as he ever was! So maybe ordinary people don't always crack. Maybe there isn't any need to crawl under a rock with all the other slimey things when trouble hits. Maybe it was just you, all the time!

The Friend Nobody Likes: Often plays this role among villain team-ups. It's implied that the only reason the other DC villains ever invite him to things is because they're terrified of what he'll do to them if he's not. Alexander Luthor Jr.'s death at the end of Infinite Crisis is brought about because, as Lex Luthor puts it:Luthor: You made one big mistake. You didn't let the Joker play.

From Nobody to Nightmare: The key thing about his Multiple-Choice Past is that nobody really knows who he was before he put on the Red Hood and fell into a vat of acid. As such, Joker was literally a nobody... who turned into the DC Universe's scariest villain, and who at times has upstaged even Brainiac or Darkseid.

Frozen Face: Most depictions have his face as such, with his massive rictus grin being something he can't really stop doing.

Gadgeteer Genius: While he seems to be a chemist first and foremost, the Joker has no trouble coming up with a range of tools and weapons of his own design and is easily as smart as Batman in this area. Other stories show that he has a solid enough understanding of such varied fields as engineering, computers and even robotics that he can at least hijack the sophisticated inventions of others and use them for his own ends with no difficulty whatsoever, and he is generally implied (though rarely outright stated) to have had a scientific background prior to becoming the Clown Prince of Crime.

Glasgow Grin: Heath Ledger's portrayal features very noticeable scarring from such wounds and tells two conflicting stories of how he got them. Sometimes, Depending on the Artist, the Joker has one in the comics, usually in out-of-continuity stories.

Gonk: Depending on the Artist, he varies from "disfigured, but still fairly handsome" to "barely passes for human", the latter cases usually feature him with a really long and narrow nose and a huge, exaggerated mouth with a permanent Slasher Smile.

Guest Fighter: After making appearances in the previous crossover and being a major player in NetherRealm's other big series, Joker shows up in Mortal Kombat 11 all on his own, freed from the restrictions of a Teen rating and able to showcase the true depths of his depraved bloodlust.

Handshake of Doom: Often kills unsuspecting victims by offering a handshake. When the other person grabs his hand, their palm is pricked by a device that resembles a joy buzzer, which injects deadly venom into their blood stream.

Hate Sink: Posthumously, his Injustice-verse incarnation is the primary target for audience scorn and gets saddled with this role by everyone in the game, its sequel, and the tie-in comics — the version from the Injustice-verse itself, at least. This is because he tricked Superman into killing his own wife Lois Lane and nuking Metropolis, then pulling a Strike Me Down with All of Your Hatred on the poor guy who that set him on the path to becoming a tyrant, all for the sake of doing it, and because he was tired of losing to Batman, so he decided to go after an easier target. His role as The Corrupter to Harley is explained to make her redemption feel more plausible, as even she has come to despise him for his actions. In particular, while Superman does terrible things, he is portrayed as a Tragic Villain due to the losses he suffered before becoming a bad guy, and as such, his killing of the Joker is always played for maximum pathos. Even villains as despicable as Brainiac, Darkseid and Gorilla Grodd openly despise him. This even continues into his Guest Fighter appearance in Mortal Kombat 11note , where even the likes of Kano, Shang Tsung and Shao Kahn can't stand him.

Human Head on the Wall: There's a rather famous piece of comic book artwork◊ drawn by Brian Bolland featuring The Joker lounging in a chair in front of a trophy wall mounted with the decapitated heads of various DC heroes and villains, all of them painted white and their faces distorted into a smile like the Joker himself. It's even been parodied a bunch of times with other comic supervillains sitting in Joker's place.

Iconic Outfit:

I'm a Humanitarian: There have been a few times when the Joker engaged in cannibalism, such as an issue of Grant Morrison's JLAnote after Day Of Judgment, where upon the reveal that the Martian Manhunter took the League and the now Hal Jordan hosted-Spectre into the Joker's head, the Joker lamented eating a man's tongue raw. Additionally, an infamous bit in Emperor Joker has the Joker eat all of China while he had Mr. Mxyzptlk's powers.

Insane No More: Is cured by Batman forcing unknown pills down his throat in the non-canon Batman: White Knight, causing him go back to his real name, Jack Napier, make a Heel–Face Turn and accuse Batman of being part of the problem (he's also considerably better than the usual Joker, being closer to the earlier trickster personality).

I've Come Too Far: At the end of The Killing Joke, Batman tries to reason with the Joker, insisting that they've got to stop before one of them kills the other and offering to help rehabilitate him. Joker briefly considers the offer before solemnly turning it down.Joker: No. I'm sorry, but... no. It's too late for that. Far too late.

It Amused Me: His raison d'etre. Why kill people in horrific ways, ruin their lives, and generally make the entire universe a worse place than he left it? Because it's funny.

Jekyll & Hyde: Inverted in the case of Batman: White Knight, where taking pills cures Joker of his insanity and brings back his original Jack Napier persona. However, if he fails to take the pills, the Joker resurfaces, which is exactly what happens in Batman: Curse of the White Knight, and he's much worse than before.

Jerkass: Though that is a total understatement, Joker still more or less counts as one. When he isn't killing or torturing people for his own amusement, he's taunting them and trying get under other people's skin.

Joker Immunity: The trope namer. He was originally conceived as a one-off villain but proved too interesting a character to be killed off so quickly, and a last-minute edit had him survive instead. He's so famous for this that most works that kill him off, the audience doesn't buy it, and it serves as an effective twist the rare times when he is Killed Off for Real. But even those rare occasions may continue to feature him in flashbacks or hallucinations as a Posthumous Character.

Knife Nut: In many appearances, knives are his Weapon of Choice, either to disfigure his victims or kill his foes. Often both.The Joker: Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too... quick. You can't savor all the little emotions. You see, in their last moments, people show you who you really are.

Large Ham: Holy shit, yes. He has an enormous sense of showmanship and is seen cracking Black Comedy jokes every minute, and it's a nigh-guarantee that whoever is portraying him will be munching the scenery to the very structure. Most especially the case if it happens to be Mark Hamill.

Laser-Guided Broadcast: In comic books as well in most of the media, when The Joker takes the control of TV and makes one of his menaces to threat and/or destroy Gotham City, good part of his message goes directly to Batman by tempting him to stop his plans, where usually destroy the city is just a secondary plan, getting/trapping/killing Batman as his real main plan.

Legacy Character: The idea of multiple Jokers is used in Gotham. There are two Jokers - Jerome Valeska, and his twin brother Jeremiah Valeska. The former is a deranged mass murderer who spread madness through Gotham. The latter is the actual Joker who becomes Batman's Arch-Enemy, and is even more dangerous than his predecessor.

Lethal Joke Character: In-Universe. Those unfamiliar with him tend to write him off as just some fool dressed as a clown, only to realize very quickly why they should keep their guard up around him. He's still one of the most dangerous characters in the DC Universe, despite existing in a world filled with super-humans and gods.

Master of Disguise: A talent he possesses even in his earliest stories. Joker is an expert with make-up, costumes and impersonations and has posed as everything from police officers to doctors to even Batman himself. He can go to extremely elaborate lengths to pull off his deceptions too, fabricating entire backstories and staying in-character for months at a time to see his plans through.

Mirthless Laughter: The Joker's constantly laughing, either at the pain and misery of others, the pain and misery he inflicts on others, or even his own pain. However, as describe by many and offered by the reader based on his scenes and what he does, there is NEVER any joy in his laughter. Never any real happiness. Just cruelty and mockery of pain and sorrow. If he does indeed have a tragic backstory that caused his madness, then this makes sense as he has chosen to laugh instead of cry. His statement about how the universe should end "so there won't be anymore people like me" during the Emperor Joker storyline lends weight to him being a Sad Clown.

Misanthrope Supreme: While it's not evident given Joker's Laughing Mad demeanor and his penchant for macabre jokes usually at the life and limb expense of someone else, Joker is actually absolutely full of hatred and spite towards basically everyone and the entire world. Several stories have gone into this and it's implied that the Joker finds it so easy to kill everyone around him, not because he feels nothing for them, but in fact because he loathes everyone aside from his twisted relationship with Batman.

Moment of Lucidity: There've been a few times when outside forces have sent him into a fit of temporary sanity over the years.

Monster Clown: One of the classic examples.

Multiple-Choice Past: Practically the poster child and possible trope namer. Even he isn't sure of his own history. The most accepted version introduced in Detective Comic #168 (1951) has him as a thug named the Red Hood who jumps into a vat of chemicals to escape Batman, disfiguring him and inspiring him to adopt the name Joker. Why he went by the name the Red Hood has changed over the years: The Killing Joke claims he was a failed comedian pressured into becoming a criminal to support his pregnant wife. The trauma of his disfigurement from jumping in the acid and his wife's earlier accidental death drove him insane. However, even this backstory is questionable, as the Joker himself calls it "multiple choice".

My God, What Have I Done?: Whenever he is made temporarily sane, most notably by a Lazarus pit after Ra's Al Ghul killed him after a Villain Team-Up and in JLA #15 during the Rock of Ages storyline, Joker usually expresses deep remorse for his crimes. Unfortunately it never lasts.

The Nicknamer: He's prone to giving nicknames to allies and enemies alike. Sometimes affectionate, sometimes snarky, but always undesired. Calling Batman "Batsy" or "Bats" and Robin "boy blunder" are probably his most iconic.

No Celebrities Were Harmed: Some of the Joker's victims fall into this.

No Name Given: The Joker is the only Batman villain who doesn't have an official real identity. However, there are three occasions where names have been used. The Jack Nicholson version used the name "Jack Napier", which was briefly mentioned in the Animated Series episode "Dreams In Darkness" since the series was partially based on the movie, albeit the doctors list it as one of his aliases. The Gotham version played by Cameron Monaghan gives him the name Jeremiah Valeska. The Joaquin Phoenix version used the name "Arthur Fleck", though the movie raises the question that he doesn't know who his father is, so 'Fleck' might not even be his surname. The Telltale series plays with this by 'naming' him 'John Doe' - which is just a stand-in name police/hospitals use when they don't know someone's identity. While he still has no official name to this day, it's general fan consensus that it's either Jack Napier or just Jack.

Not a Mask: Sometimes he pretends to wear makeup, but it ain't makeup. Jack Nicholson's version wore flesh-tone makeup over his pale skin several times after his transformation. Though, this is Depending on the Writer, as Heath Ledger's depiction does wear makeup. It's unclear if this is the case for Caesar Romero's depiction, as Romero's mustache is visible at times (he refused to shave for the part).

Not Me This Time: Though he certainly wouldn't mind committing them, he's been framed for murders he didn't commit several times, such as by James Gordon Jr.

Obfuscating Insanity: Zig Zagged Trope / Depending on the Writer. Some stories claims The Joker is actually sane, but pretends to be otherwise to avoid the death penalty. Others says he is genuinely crazy. It must be noted that Joker, like other Batman villains, was only identified as insane from the 70s onwards by various writers.note

Offscreen Villain Dark Matter: Despite the Joker's infamous reputation and violent instability he never has any issues finding new henchmen for his schemes nor does he ever has any issues finding the resources needed to pull off his often convoluted plans and he's often able to do it all without attracting the attention of Batman or the authorities until he's ready for them.

OOC Is Serious Business: A general rule of thumb: If the Joker isn't smiling, something very bad is about to happen.

The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Pretty much sums up his feelings towards Batman. He often flies into a rage whenever someone else attempts to kill Batman when in his company, and whenever Batman (seemingly) dies he has a tendency to completely snap and turn sane. This actually goes the other direction as well: the Joker feels that Batman is the only one allowed to defeat him, and it's shown he's terrified of someone else doing him in in some continuities.

Outside-Context Problem: A recurring theme of Joker's "first appearance" stories in various adaptations is that nobody in Gotham is prepared for a guy who's only in it For the Evulz. Also, the Joker himself likes to find these, and exploit them.

Phrase Catcher: Back in his prankster phase during the Silver Age, whenever one of Joker's capers got foiled, someone would inevitably trot out the line "The joke's on you, Joker!" For obvious reasons, his current Monster Clown incarnation doesn't get this nearly as often.

Pimp Duds: He sometimes accessorizes his purple suit with a very wide-brimmed hat, which makes the ensemble look like a stereotypical pimp costume. Jared Leto's turn in Suicide Squad (2016) runs with this in his dynamic with Harley Quinn.

Pre-Insanity Reveal: The Joker, depending on the version, may have been an ordinary comedian before he went crazy and became a super-villain.

Purple Is Powerful: Purple is one of Joker's three colors (along with white and green) and he is powerful.

Psychopathic Manchild: For starters, when Batman is telling Joker to stay away from the Gordons after he apparently hurt Gordon's wife (it was actually his son, Gordon Jr. who did the deed), Joker commented that he didn't do anything to "the old bitch", and starts commenting to Batman that he misses the old Batman, and commented that he "doesn't want to go to bed yet" and that he "wants to play."

Redemption Rejection: In The Killing Joke, Batman defeats the Joker once again and then desparately pleads with him to accept help recovering from his madness before they eventually kill each other. In one of his rare, completely serious moments, the Joker sincerely apologizes and tells Batman that it's far too late for that.

The Resenter: Joker has often shown resentment towards people in many ways in different stories. The best example is him being resentful of anyone who garners more attention from Batman than him and anyone he sees as "stealing his act", i.e. being a laughing mad, jokey maniac cramping his style (The Creeper in Batman TAS). Regardless, many of his crimes and attitudes often carry an undercurrent or resentment be it towards to Bat-family because he resents sharing Batman with anyone or normal people for living their mundane lives free of care. Given how much spite seems to fuel his rampages, Joker's probably got a mountain of resentment inside of him.

Restoration of Sanity: On occasion, Joker's sanity will suddenly return to him, usually in stories where Batman retires or is believed to have died. His reactions tend to vary - sometimes we don't see how he reacts to what he did, but other times he actually shows genuine regret for his actions. Of course, these never tend to stick.

The Reveal: When Batman sat in Metron's chair in Darkseid War, one of the questions he asked was who the Joker was and the answer freaked him out. In DC Rebirth, it's revealed why: The Joker is a Legacy Character: the Joker responsible for Death of the Family and Batman: Endgame is not the same man who crippled Barbara Gordon—and neither of them are the original Joker.

Riddle for the Ages: Being the Trope Namer for Multiple-Choice Past, it's unknown who he was before falling into an acid tank and whether he was nuts even before being dunked. He even believes his origins, Depending on the Writer of course.Joker: They throw me out, and I had a wife and an unborn child… or it was two cows and a goat? Sometimes it's so confusing…

Rule of Funny: One of his primary themes (alongside insanity), as explained in Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?: "Kid. I'm the Joker. I don't just randomly kill people. I kill people when it's funny. What would conceivably be funny about killing you?"

Secret Identity Apathy: In most continuities, he simply doesn't care about Batman's Secret Identity, understanding that Batman is the true face and not the man behind the mask. It's shown sometimes that the Joker will actually be upset if someone outs Batman's identity to him, usually because it spoils their dynamic in some way. When Scarecrow pulls off Bruce's mask in Harley Quinn, it practically triggers a Villainous Breakdown.Joker: Half the fun of our relationship was the mystery! Now I know Batman is just some boring, rich asshole with parental issues!

Self-Made Orphan: In The Brave and the Bold #31, Atom reads his mind and sees The Joker burning his parents alive after they catch him killing animals.

Slasher Smile: He wears one almost by default. Reportedly, it was inspired by this photo◊ of Conrad Veidt in character as Gwynplaine (a man with a disfigured face, causing him to have a perpetual grin) in The Man Who Laughs by Victor Hugo.

The Sociopath: A skilled and gleeful manipulator, a vicious butcher who brutally tortures and murders others simply because he thinks it’s funny, extraordinarily impulsive given that he’s prone to turning his murderous urges on his own men on a whim or because one upset him in some way, shape or form, and has not even the vaguest notion of empathy, neither for his men or his victims.

The Spook: His backstory is an eternal Riddle for the Ages. DC Comics refuses to take an official stance on this.

Start of Darkness: Detective Comics #168 posits he was a laboratory worker who becomes the Red Hood in order to steal a million dollars from his employers and retire. In The Killing Joke he quits his job to become a comedian, but fails and is coerced by mobsters to commit a robbery, becoming the Red Hood. His disfigurement and (in The Killing Joke) his wife's death earlier in the story destroy what little was left of his sanity and he becomes The Joker. Maybe.

Stealing the Handicapped Spot: He doesn't do this. Rather, he hates it when other people do it and finds it hilarious to horrifically cripple them so they can legitimately park in handicapped spots.

Straw Nihilist: Provides the trope image and is the poster child for this. He claims that everything in life is just "one big joke" and death is the ultimate punchline. Joker also believes that "a bad day" is more than enough for anyone to turn out like him. This is shown notably in Injustice: Gods Among Us, The Killing Joke, and The Dark Knight. The Red Lantern Atrocitus even wonders what drove Joker to nihilism during an intro banter with the clown in Injustice 2.

Strong as They Need to Be: His fighting skills fluctuate wildly. Sometimes, Joker is an excellent fighter who can actually defeat Batman in a straight-up fight, whereas most writers prefer to present him as so weak that he can be knocked out cold with one punch.

Stupid Evil: Depending on the writer, The Joker can sometimes fall under this, where his cruelty and sadism tend to lead to his own death at the hands of all the people he's wronged.

To Create a Playground for Evil: His motivation in stories like Emperor Joker.

Too Kinky to Torture: The Joker has shown a proclivity for this over the years. At one point, the Joker berated a man who'd captured him for only hitting him in the face and The Dark Knight similarly sees the Joker berate Batman during the the latter's beating of him. He also enjoyed his and Bruce's final fight in The Dark Knight Returns. Salvation Run had established the Joker's been in constant pain since he took his fateful dive into the vat of chemicals that altered his appearance and not only had gotten used to it, but grew to enjoy it. This quote from The Dark Knight sums it up perfectly: Stephens: I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who would just enjoy it.

Tombstone Teeth: He is often drawn with too many too-long teeth as part of his trademark rictus grin, highlighting his nature as a psychotic and sadistic killer.

Troll: Most incarnations of the Joker dress themselves as being a lethal one of these. The best example is his DC Animated Universe version, who tailored each of his schemes as a joke or a prank, and sometimes even lectured his underlings on the importance of proper buildup and delivery when telling a joke. Batman in particular is the Joker's preferred victim, and many a Joker has refused to kill or unmask a Batman dead to rights, simply because it would spoil the fun of trolling him. But when others upstage or taunt him, he really goes nuts, as it's one of his Berserk Buttons.

Unreliable Narrator: Even he isn't sure of his own history, so anything he claims is suspect at best.

Villain Has a Point: Given his devotion to Rule of Funny, he's quite knowledgeable on what makes successful comedy, as seen with the featured image on Don't Explain the Joke.

Villain Song: There's no other villain who has belted out as many memorable music moments, not even the Music Meister. Three of them incidentally were sung by Mark Hamill behind the mic:

Villainous Aromantic Asexual: He is shown to be more interested in his schemes and mayhem rather than sex. He has had sex with Harley, but it is implied that it's more for her rather than his own enjoyment. He has actively ignored her when he simply wants to work on his schemes, even when she's in the translucent red night dress.

Villainous Friendship: No matter how bad things turned out last time, Lex Luthor and Joker will always work together again. Played With, as it isn’t just because of friendship. As Luthor himself notes in the ending of Infinite Crisis, you always "let the Joker play," lest he come after you for revenge later on for leaving him out.

Villainous Harlequin: He was this during the Silver Age. He is also this in Batman (1966) and Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

Villainous Rescue: In Dark Nights: Metal, The Joker pulls this off by teaming up with Batman to defeat the Batman Who Laughs, Batman knowing that a jokerized Batman would have the upper hand teams up with the Joker. It is so unexpected that the Batman Who Laughs, who is still prepared for anything Batman would conceivably think of, is unable to counter it let alone even consider it a possibility.

Villain Protagonist: He was the star of his own nine issue self-titled series from 1975 to 1976. In order to adhere to the Comics Code Authority, The Bad Guy Wins was never in effect - while he usually managed to get one over on other villains, each issue would end the Joker being apprehended for his crimes. He also got his own movie in which Batman didn't even exist yet, delving deep into what someone would have to go through to become the Joker.

Weapon of Choice: The acid-spitting flower, Smilex/Joker Venom... and simple crowbars, established by how he killed Jason Todd.

You Gotta Have Blue Hair: He has neon green hair caused by the chemicals he fell into.

#TheJokerInformation

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teeforhee · 3 years

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Fuck, I'm not sure I'll ever get over how much CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service, it's the under-18s mental health service in Scotland) let me down as a kid.

It's like this. You're 11 and you're traumatised but you're scared of using that word, you don't know if you're allowed it, but you are traumatised. And you're so anxious you can't breathe most of the time, you can't sit down and speak to any of your friends, you can do your school work but you keep falling apart and everything feels like it's getting worse all the time. You don't fit in, you're weird and awkward but your schoolwork is good so you aren't worrying about your grades, you're not even sure why you feel this way (it's unprocessed trauma, but again, you don't feel like you're allowed that word). You're s/hing and struggling with suicidal ideation, and you're lucky enough to still trust authority figures, so you do what everyone says you should. You trust an adult. And she calls your GP, who is another adult you choose to trust, who you bare your heart to with all of these symptoms that make your feel sick to even acknowledge, and then they make you an appointment with CAMHS. You came in asking for treatment. They referred you to CAMHS. They did not explain what CAMHS was other than what the letters stood for. That's okay - it's treatment, right? They're gonna help. You can talk this through and they'll help- just gotta be careful you don't get institutionalised. You don't want that, yet.

You talk to a CAMHS worker. She's a psychologist. She says it's very likely you have autism to your mother after your first session. Your mother broaches the topic gently. You are overjoyed: there's an answer! oh fuck, this explains so much! but it's not treatment. It's a word. The psychologist puts you on a waiting list and you have 22 sessions of CBT with her, trying to unpack your trauma and trying to build up coping skills. So many of them feel like just denying the truth, so many of them feed into your magical thinking ("the one thing you can control is your thoughts, you must always control your thoughts, good things will happen when you control your thoughts and stop thinking the bad thoughts"), but it's treatment, mostly. You stop seeing her twice- once because you are trying to develop an eating disorder and having a mental health professional who wants to hear how you're doing is totally cramping your style (I wasn't actually trying to develop an ED really, I was trying to cope in ways other than s/h, in ways that felt honest to the situation and real and gave me a sense of control that "controling my thoughts" just wasn't doing). You come back for recovery. You tell her you want an eating plan. By the time she even considers an appointment with a nutritionist, you've moved past that stage in your recovery on your own. You stop seeing her again because you get into an abusive relationship who doesn't really like you having contact with people who aren't him, and he super super doesn't like you not being able to talk to him for a whole hour every week. That part isn't their fault: no one could be gotten me out of that until I decided to; believe me, everyone around me tried, and it didn't work until I wanted I to, the third time.

But I left, again, I was without support for 6 months, and when I came back it was after my father (the earliest source of my trauma) had died. They take 4 sessions compiling evidence as to what treatment i needed going forward, without telling me that was what they were doing (I was trying to build trust with an adult again after 6 months of constant reinforcing that I couldn't trust anyone but my abuser), and then an appointment with a psychiatrist and your mother and a new psychologist. They dismiss and justify the symptoms that most worry me, they have at this point turned down my request to be institutionalised multiple times (including after an aborted suicide attempt, I presume they thought that was fine because made it clear that I did want to live), and they say at the end of the meeting that they are going to give me an official diagnosis of autism and that after that CAMHS has nothing more to offer me.

They say that if after 22 sessions with a psychologist I am still struggling so much (bear in mind that probably close to half of those sessions I was concealing factors that were actively making my mental health worse and which were traumatising me) I clearly can't gain anything more from their service, and anyway, autism isn't a mental illness and CAMHS as a service can only help while waiting for/trying to get a diagnosis, or if you have a diagnosis or a disorder for which they could provide specialist treatment. My very obvious PTSD? nah, no big-T Traumas, and c-ptsd is way too hard to diagnose. I receive a hilarious letter detailing all of the evidence (I mean genuinely insightful but also fucking hilarious and I do want to note down funniest bits and post them hear at some point, stuff like "unusual speech was noted, (exclamations of 'wacky!' while describing his symptoms)") and then they refer me to a charity which, at time of writing, I have had 1 assessment phone call with, and am waiting for a call back for my next and first proper appointment.

They did not inform me when I was first referred that CAMHS is a diagnostic and specialist treatment service and if they did (this was well over two years ago now, I don't remember word-for-word what my GP told me), they did not tell me that meant that they would kick me out to a charity once they figured they couldn't label me with anything requiring specialist treatment. During our last sessions they were unyeildingly focussed on the trauma of my father dying and of the "shock" of my diagnosis (that I had been waiting for for 2 years. yes, very shocking/s) when those were not my biggest problems. My relationship with my father is complex and I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that his death was the last step on a very, very long journey, and honestly one of the least traumatising.

I let them keep the focus there because I desperately hate talking about the actual, recent, debilitating trauma of being in lockdown with an abusive partner for 6 months. That shit hurts, I can't even say his name, but that is the thing that I need to unpack if I'm ever going to be able to go outside in the sun again.

Repeatedly ignoring the requests I made for specific treatment until past the point where I needed it anymore, not informing me how the service I was going to be working with for 2 years even worked in something so basic as "what is this for? what will happen to me if I get a diagnosis they can't give me specialised care for?", telling an 11 year old child that suicidal ideation is "not that serious", a fundamental misunderstanding of what I needed and wanted to hear ('normal' is not a helpful word. 'normal' tells me 'suck it up, everyone experiences this and they're all fine, you're normal, just think better' why are they all so adamant that I am normal? Not even considering my mental health I am an autistic bisexual gnc trans guy, we went past whatever 'normal' means a long time ago, fucking listen to me), at every single step of the way this system has left me in the same state I was before, the only improvement being through support from my friends, fucking Childline (gd fucking bless Childline volunteers, but still, I shouldn't have been getting so little support that that felt like my only option), mental health masterposts on Tumblr, chats with my (luckily) very nice guidance counselor (they're called pastoral teachers here but I know most folks reading this are American or are most familiar with the American school system) and what amounts to gritting my teeth and getting through it.

It was worth it, of course my life was worth it, of course I say the same thing every person who's attempted suicide says, I'm more grateful than words could possibly express that I survived, that I get to go home in a few minutes and feed my kitten and write and message my friends, but for fucks sake it didn't need to be this hard. And it doesn't need to be this hard. I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm still waiting on that second appointment with this charity, I'm still 3+ months behind at school, and I'm one of the lucky ones. My boyfriend has been hurt worse by CAMHS, left even more isolated than I was, even more traumatised by the way he was treated, and every single person I know who's been in this system agrees that it's deeply, deeply flawed.

I don't want people to have competitions over who's medical experiences are worse, who's country has the worst mental health system, who's been the most traumatised by their psychiatrists or lack thereof, please. Please don't make this the suffering Olympics. I'm just making this post cause I know, I know that other people have had similar experiences, whether with CAMHS or whatever their equivalent is. Mental health services need serious reform that puts patients first, listens to their needs and requests, that is well funded and well staffed by people who care about their patients wellbeing more than they care about controling other people's lives.

Austerity in the UK is a huge reason why this happened the way it did- my first psychologist left the service to go work somewhere that pays better, leaving just one newly-graduated psychologist that clearly had no idea what she was doing and didn't care to sympathise or show compassion for me.

This shit needs to change, because kids need help, and this is not good enough.

#mine #newt writes #oh boy ask to tag #tw s/h mention #tw school #suicidal ideation #tw eating stuff #tw food #tw eating #ed mention #tw suicide mention #ok to rb

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doctorharley-md · 4 years

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So I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how old Harley is and I’m going to bore you with the details right now

The age of Harley Quinn is a somewhat debated topic, since neither her actual birthday nor her actual age have been specifically mentioned in comics. She’s also frequently depicted as somewhat childish, both mentally and physically (a conversation for another time, maybe). Largely, I consider her birthday to be September 11, but that’s just the day she first appeared as a character (in Batman: The Animated Series). In cases where her birthday has been celebrated in comics, the date isn’t stated. But whatever, she’s a lady, and nobody needs to know how old she is. Aside from her family, and Batman, I don’t think anybody does know how old she really is. But I have been known to do math from time to time.

The Beginning

Harleen Frances Quinzel was born at zero years old. Lol jk I’m actually gonna start with her graduating from high school. In general, Americans graduate from high school at 18. She was a good student, and an even better gymnast, and she got a scholarship for that to go to college. Most people graduate college at 22. But I think there’s an argument to be made for her graduating college a year early. Harleen was an exceptionally driven student with a poor home life. She needed her scholarship to be able to go to college (thanks dad!) and at that point in her life, she was motivated mainly by two things – she wanted to be out of her home situation, and she wanted to be able to understand why her family was so messed up. This made her not only education-oriented, but career-oriented, and suggests a compelling reason that she may have pushed herself to graduate a year early (particularly once she was in college where students choose their course loads). That’s all to say, I believe Harley was 21-22 years old when she graduated college.

The PhD Problem

Sometimes when Harley mentions her post-graduate education, she says she has a PhD, and sometimes she says she went to medical school, which would give her an MD. Regardless of the degree she says she has or studied for, she always describes herself as a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists need to have an MD to practice, since they are medical doctors who treat mental health issues. It’s easy to think that this means there’s some inconsistency in either what degree people attribute to her, or what degree she claims to have. But I don’t think so. I think that directly after she graduated college, Harley went to an MD/PhD program. Teaching hospitals have MD programs, but a lot of them also have PhD programs that focus on translational science, and an option which combines the two, called an MD/PhD. They’re fucking grueling degrees, and I don’t envy anybody who’s doing that, but Harleen Quinzel would have graduated college in the perfect position to get an MD/PhD. She had no money, and her goal was to become a psychiatrist. She did undergraduate research which would have given her the experience required to impress a PhD program, she was on the gymnastics team which shows dedication, and she is incredibly smart so she would have had a great GPA and MCAT scores. MD/PhDs are also often paid a stipend during their schooling equivalent to what a PhD student makes in the same program (this is a salary which is enough to cover living costs), which makes this a great way to get two degrees while supporting herself. MD/PhD programs take six or seven years. The first two years are medical school, the second two or three years are spent doing the PhD thesis, and the final two years are the last two years of medical school. It makes complete sense that this is what Harley would do since it’s time and cost effective, and she’s both driven and intelligent enough to do it. (Also you don’t graduate with an MD/PhD, you graduate with an MD and a PhD. So if your medical license were to say…be revoked…you would still have a PhD, motherfucker.) When Harley graduated from graduate school, I believe she was 27 or 28 years old.

Residency and Arkham

A residency is a requirement after graduating from an MD program. That takes two years, and you don’t get to choose where you do it, aside from being able to request to do a residency in a specific place. So this could go one of two ways – either Harley got accepted to do her residency at Arkham, or she did her residency and then started her job as a full-fledged psychiatrist at Arkham. I think the second option is more likely, considering Arkham’s institutional profile. So I think she was 29 or 30 when she began working as a doctor at Arkham Asylum. I’m consolidating this to a round 30 years old. It’s pretty clear from the comics about her origin that by the time she began working at Arkham, she was already very interested in the Joker (the path that led her to a Joker fascination is a story for a different time). It’s also well-established that shortly after she started her job at Arkham, she got herself assigned to work with the Joker. At that point in her life, she already wasn’t entirely mentally or emotionally stable because she’d thrown herself into her work to avoid dealing with her own mental health issues. For the Joker, that plus her already-present obsession with him made her an easy target. By the time Harley helped break him out of Arkham, she very much thought that saving him was the only way to prove herself. I think Harley was 31 or 32 when she really became Harley Quinn. For the sake of giving my girl the benefit of the doubt, I’m gonna go with 32.

Relationship with the Joker

Obviously, over the course of her existence as a comic book character, Harley has been with Joker for a long time. But the more I think about the actual timelines of those comics or cartoons, the more I become convinced that it was only a few years. Their relationship started rapidly – it was hot and heavy and a total whirlwind because of the lives they led. I think it was less the time, and more the quantity of the crimes they did together and her devotion to him which established them as Gotham’s criminal power couple very quickly. In Gotham, bad things happen in such rapid succession that it bleeds time of real meaning. It would be easy to have the Joker freshly out of Arkham, suddenly with a very in love girl tagging along and making herself just as much of a threat as him, and then to think that that just made sense, and so it must always have been or would always be that way. But their relationship could never last, for a whole laundry list of reasons which probably everybody knows. So I believe that by the time Harley and the Joker break up, she’s around 35. She’s also in fantastic shape, and jumped into a pool of acid that fundamentally changed some aspects of her physicality, and is extremely mentally nimble but also insane and acts like a child a lot of the time. Which is why it’s really just a number – and it’s not one that any other character is likely to know unless they can get the information out of Harley or Batman. But she’d just as soon lie as anything else, and he knows better than to comment on a lady’s age.

#(out of my mind) ooc #this is like dumb long #you dont have to read it its just some thoughts #i'm gonna hate this in like 2 seconds lmao #(i don't wanna know about th' real me)

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kiss-my-freckle · 4 years

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3x10 Rewatch: ...And the Woman Clothed in Sun

Francis has me cracking up at the open, trying to deepen his voice to impress Hannibal when he calls him. Fixing the phone lines at the old office. He has no idea what happened there at 7:30 on many a night, and he has no idea what he's about to step between. Hannibal quotes The Tyger. "Did he who made the Lamb make thee?" Multiple conversations about acts of God and creations of. Bedelia and the lie she created to wiggle her way out of the situation she put herself in is paying off. "My journey to damnation began when I was swallowed by the beast." lmfao!! This entire conversation foreshadowing her finale scene. Another ugly face in the crowd. Jack, Alana, Chilton, Bedelia... all of them lying. "Will has not had his breakthrough yet." Breakthrough for Will, coming right up. Like Alana, she's doing what she must to keep herself alive. Will is hilarious too because he knows better than to buy it. "Suffering inside Hannibal Lecter's bowels for what must have felt like an eternity." He's there because he knows he's not strong enough to deny Hannibal. "I've seen enough of him." This ties in what Hannibal said to her earlier in the season. "I've taken off my person suit. I let them see enough." Ties in what Will said of his wife. "She's aware enough." And ties in what Francis said of Reba. "I shared with Reba a little, in a way that she could survive." Will's need to talk to her about Hannibal speaks to his weakness. He's getting personal with him through her. Francis takes Reba to see the tiger at the zoo. Quite sensual. Her fingers in the bottle as she pours their drinks... a close-up view of her wet fingers putting olives on a toothpick. Yeah... that's hot. The best way to play with your food. Someone should've taught Mason. Their sex scene is delicious. Like Will, he has a nightmare. Pearls becoming teeth, probably related to his grandmother. The Dragon with a gun in his hand, standing under the moon. He wakes alone, rushes out of bed and runs upstairs to stand before his Dragon god on display. He hears it growling, fights like hell to push him out of his head. Reba is ready to leave, and Francis certainly wants her to. He's afraid The Dragon will demand he hand her over.

Hannibal triggers the phone to make a call they wouldn't allow him to make otherwise. Speaking as an employee working at the office of Chilton's publisher, he orders a copy of Hannibal the Cannibal for Will. He wants him to read it. A close-up of his tongue licking the envelope for a card he sends to Bedelia. "He always includes a recipe." Will continues to foreshadow her finale scene. "If he does end up eating you, Bedelia, you'd have it coming." He's not kidding. As I said in a previous post, I do believe Hannibal refused to cross those boundaries with Will, having already told him he doesn't want to think about him anymore. "They are acceptable... to murderers and cannibals." The best of understanding. I love the double "And you" response. "You lied, Bedelia. You do that a lot. Why do you do that a lot?" She says she obfuscates to protect Hannibal as a patient, but it's not just about Hannibal, she has to keep herself off his dinner table. She had no problem informing them when she was granted immunity. Once claiming Hannibal was her psychiatrist, now claiming she was his. Everything to protect herself, like blaming Hannibal for the death of her patient. "Not the first time I've lost professional objectivity in a matter where Hannibal is concerned." His death was on her. She tells Will he's there visiting an old flame. I love how he's fooling himself, getting personal with Hannibal through her. Especially when she makes comments like that. "You couldn't save Hannibal. Do you think you can save this new one?" I don't know what makes her think Hannibal needed to be saved. And this is coming from the mouth that said, "Almost anything can be trained to resist its instinct." Almost anything. Harder to train what's been playing out in the wild for as long as he has. Able to influence? Sure, but it's not exact. Bedelia telling Will she wants to crush the vulnerable bird. She wouldn't crush it, but that would be her first thought. Same concept with the shepherd's dog. Doesn't savage the sheep even though it wants to. She thinks Hannibal led Will to believe he’s a killer. "You're capable of righteous violence because you are compassionate." Will asks how she's capable. "Extreme acts of cruelty require a high level of empathy. The next time you have an instinct to help someone, you might consider crushing them instead." No different than telling Will to savage the sheep even though he's trained to resist his instinct. It's whatever suits her, however she can save herself the trouble... wiggle out of situations she gets herself into. That's why it pisses her off when she becomes the vulnerable bird, her meat back on the menu. Compassion gives Will the desire to help. He'd kill Hobbs to protect Abigail. His empathy allows him the ability to understand and relate to anyone, including Hannibal. He admitted this in the pilot episode. Cut to another flashback as Bedelia crushes her vulnerable bird while he's choking on his own tongue. Deep-fisted his throat, then passed out. It looked... sexual.

A lucky sign screen-spin like the one they do with Francis and the moon. Will shows the tree marking to Hannibal. It acts as a double for The Great Red Dragon and the Chinese character. Back to that theme of luck. Will setting aside what Hannibal said, puts his focus on The Great Red Dragon, then searches his face for a response. Hannibal basically tells him to look for those few pieces of art, that's how he catches up with Francis for their first confrontation. Demonic sexuality. Will is fighting to figure out how he chooses his families, still doesn’t want to bother looking at the way he chooses his own. "I like this Dragon, Will. I don't think he's crazy at all. I think he may be quite sane." I love how this hits against Will, the look in his eyes. "Can't pass on those terrible traits you fear the most." Will walks into the museum as Francis is chowing down on the Blake Watercolor. His escort informs him he's the second person wanting to view it, so Will knows he’s there. Not sure why he stares at Francis as he does, perhaps looking for the reason he smashes mirrors - his disfigurement. Francis knows that he knows, so he throws him like a rag doll and takes off. I'm like damn... after three years out, this is the man you throw him up against? Will isn't built like Hannibal or trained like Jack. Still fun to watch.

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aboycalledeverything · 4 years

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An In-depth Response to JK Rowling from a Transman

**CW: transphobia, suicide, surgery, discrimination, assault**

Let me first say that we should not allow this conversation to derail the progress and momentum of the Black Lives Matter movement. Though race and sexuality intersect in many fascinating and important ways, it is important to allow the voices of our BlPOC to be heard and amplified for as long as it takes for meaningful, sweeping changes to be made in our society. That being said, I would be remiss if I did not take the time to process and respond to the conversation you have chosen to bring to the table.

TLDR: To JK’s assertion that trans women threaten the political and biological class of ‘women’, Acknowledging that trans women are women is not the erosion of a political and biological class. It is strengthening those classes by accepting the women who, despite all threats of assault or death, stand by their identity and celebrate womanhood.

Let me also begin by saying thank you. For surviving, for persisting, for blessing the world with the gift of magic. The books-which-need-not-be-named were and are pillars of my childhood, identity, and life philosophy. I will never stop finding solace in the pages of those books.

Before we can continue the conversation, I need to introduce myself. I am a (relatively) young white transman and former D1 softball player. I chose to defer physical transition but came out socially as a transman in my sophomore year and was one of the few openly trans NCAA athletes at the time. I was also a student, and spent a large portion of my collegiate career studying LGBTQ+ issues and how they connect to human psychology. My senior capstone was a paper titled “Transmen and Suicide: Unique Contributors to a Disproportionately High Suicide Attempt Rate.” This involved both an in-depth literature review of trans research and theory as well as an independent collection and analysis of transman testimonies. The year after graduation was spent as a Lab Coordinator for the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity: Health and Human Rights Lab at the University of Texas at Austin which does phenomenal sociological and psychological research on queer youth in particular. This is not to say that I am an expert, but rather to make it clear that I, too, have spent years researching the fraught topics of gender and sexuality.

Thank you for referring to my trans brothers as “notably sensitive and clever people.” We do try to use the unique empathy granted by being seen and treated as both women and men. Most of us grew up as girls and have been targeted by the misogyny and sexism that you reference; we try to use those experiences to inform our responses and opinions to societal issues. I, specifically, am going to use my lived experiences to respond to your essay. There are some points with which I agree and appreciate your recognition - freedom of speech, the importance of nuanced conversation, and the fact that both women and trans people are at disproportionate risk of violence and must be safeguarded. There are other points with which I take umbrage and will address one by one.

JKR: “It’s been clear to me for a while that the new trans activism is having (or is likely to have, if all its demands are met) a significant impact on many of the causes I support, because it’s pushing to erode the legal definition of sex and replace it with gender.”

Response: Let’s be clear: trans activists - at least the majority of us - are not trying to erase sex as a definition. Instead, we are asking that the parameters be reconsidered to make space for intersex people and who have biologically transitioned. Your points about the biological differences in treatments for MS are well taken. Ignoring intersex people and focusing on only the binary sexes male and female, you’re right. There are often sex differences in diseases and health disorders. But the problem is that we don’t always know what drives those differences; if they’re based on hormones, physical bodies, or something else entirely. Intersex and trans people, if they choose, now have the medical capability to change their hormones and physical bodies to the extent that they can be classified as male or female.

I’m not going to give you a full explanation on sex as an expression of levels of hormones, chromosomes, and physical organs. I’m sure you already know that both biological men and women have varying amounts of the same hormones, and that hormone replacement therapy can and does give trans men and women the hormonal levels that correspond to each definition. I have been taking testosterone for just under 2 years and, for all intents and purposes, have the chemistry of a biological man. In the same way, surgeries can and do affect physical biology and organ makeup, from removal or reconstruction of a penis or vagina to the removal of ovaries and uterus entirely.

This creates a gray area as to how to medically treat diseases like MS in trans people. We’re still learning, and I’ll be the first to admit that. What I can say is that there are many binary trans people who are not trying to replace legal definitions of sex with gender, but rather are trying to expand the legal definitions of sex to those who, for all intents and purposes, are biologically male or female.

JKR: “I’m concerned about the huge explosion in young women wishing to transition and also about the increasing numbers who seem to be detransitioning (returning to their original sex), because they regret taking steps that have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility. Some say they decided to transition after realising they were same-sex attracted, and that transitioning was partly driven by homophobia, either in society or in their families.”

Response: I would very much like to see the studies that you are referencing in this “huge explosion” of detransitioning individuals. If you’re referencing the article by Lisa Littman, it is definitely worth noting that her study was a) descriptive rather than empirical and b) based on the testimonials of parents and not the actual trans youth.

According to a different and arguably more experienced researcher, Dr. Johanna Olsen, regret and detransitioning as you talk about it are extremely rare. I encourage you to watch her video below and read over some of the other research she is and has been doing.

Even if we were to listen to descriptive research such as Littman’s and assume that there are people who wish to detransition, the lack of fertility you’re talking about is not universal and, as with people assigned female at birth, varies. According to recent studies, trans men who wish to reproduce biologically can take a break from testosterone while carrying their children and resume afterwards. So far, there are no negative side effects for the children of transmen.

What should also be considered, especially in youth, is that hormone blockers are entirely reversible. But puberty is not. When trans children are put on hormone blockers, they are essentially delaying permanent puberty and taking time to examine whether it’s right for them. Access to medical care such as hormone blockers are essential to trans youth because it does give them time to figure out their identity before going through the male or female puberty that affects them.

I have not seen any cases of transition driven by homophobia, but would like to note that working to make parents less homophobic and transphobic seems to be a better use of time than arguing against the right of many trans youth who do need access to medical intervention.

JKR: “The argument of many current trans activists is that if you don’t let a gender dysphoric teenager transition, they will kill themselves. In an article explaining why he resigned from the Tavistock (an NHS gender clinic in England) psychiatrist Marcus Evans stated that claims that children will kill themselves if not permitted to transition do not ‘align substantially with any robust data or studies in this area. Nor do they align with the cases I have encountered over decades as a psychotherapist.’”

Response: This point is one of the more frustrating parts of your article because it is using one medical professional’s opinion to ignore a horrifying truth. Trans adults and youths experience suicidality and depression at staggering rates. While I cannot comment on studies in the UK, here in the US the lifetime suicide ideation rates for trans adults is 81.7%. The attempt rate is 40.4%, almost 10x the national average of 4.6%.

And those are just the statistics of the people who survived long enough to participate in the study. Denying the real threat of suicidality in trans youth is not only saddening - it is actively harmful.

JKR: “The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. I struggled with severe OCD as a teenager. If I’d found community and sympathy online that I couldn’t find in my immediate environment, I believe I could have been persuaded to turn myself into the son my father had openly said he’d have preferred.”

Response: This is one of the most frequent arguments I see for people denying trans men their identity. My own mother has suggested that I transitioned to escape sexism. To this, I respond that choosing to transition does not provide an escape to discrimination and harrassment. I was well aware, when choosing to come out and transition, of the statistics of discrimination I was entering. I was well aware that it might mean the loss of my athletic scholarship, the dismissal of the team of sisters that I played on, It was not a matter of escaping sexism, but rather a matter of being my most authentic self. Even if you dismiss my own personal experience, I would point to the trans women who actively transition and give up their male privilege in exchange for the trials and tribulations of womanhood. Either way, I can assure you that the suicidality trans people experience makes the “choice” to transition no more of a choice than raising your hands because a gun is pointed at your head.

JKR: “ I want to be very clear here: I know transition will be a solution for some gender dysphoric people, although I’m also aware through extensive research that studies have consistently shown that between 60-90% of gender dysphoric teens will grow out of their dysphoria”

Response: I appreciate your recognition of our reality! I would love to see the studies that present a 30% difference. In my experience, those of us that lived long enough to see adulthood have not grown out of dysphoria, even if we’ve learned coping strategies to make it bearable. And again, hormone blockers for teens allow the opportunity for them to grow however they need to without permanent changes being made.

JKR: “So I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.”

Response: Once again I cannot speak to the politics or legislation of the UK. What I can say is that “bathroom bans” on trans people that require us to use the fitting room/bathroom/locker room of the sex we were assigned at birth lead to significant sexual and physical assault on trans people, which already face a disproportionate risk (as you mentioned). I personally have been fortunate enough to have not been physically assaulted when I was trying to go to the bathroom, but have been harassed in both mens and womens bathrooms (which I varied between during my transition, depending on how well I thought I was passing). Many of my friends are not as lucky.

JKR: “But, as many women have said before me, ‘woman’ is not a costume. ‘Woman’ is not an idea in a man’s head. ‘Woman’ is not a pink brain, a liking for Jimmy Choos or any of the other sexist ideas now somehow touted as progressive.”

Response: The implication that trans women - who are literally dying to be acknowledged as women - putting on a “costume” is flagrantly offensive. I am choosing to believe that you did not intend this implication and instead are confusing sex and gender. In which case,would refer you to the seminal work Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity by Judith Butler. According to her, gender is literally a performance that one chooses to express. Transwomen define their gender and femininity as individuals, and do not choose to go through the grueling process of changing their biological sex because they like Jimmy Choos. The gender ‘woman’ is not a “pink brain” but rather an identity that can be inwardly cultivated and outwardly expressed. The sex ‘woman’ or female is an amalgamation of complex physiological systems that, as we’ve already discussed, can be altered.

JKR: “I refuse to bow down to a movement...”

Response: There is undeniably a movement, a “cancel culture” that dismisses nuanced conversation. I, like you, am concerned about the erosion of free speech and the expression of alternative points of view in nuanced discussions such as this one. But this movement is not specific to trans people and should not be described as such. Most trans activists and researchers that I know are not asking you to “bow down.” We’re asking you to come to the table and have an open mind. We’re asking you to use your huge platform to help trans people (as you clearly want to) without harming them (as you clearly have).

JKR: “...that I believe is doing demonstrable harm in seeking to erode ‘woman’ as a political and biological class and offering cover to predators like few before it.”

Response: This is the crux of the “TERF wars”. The refusal to accept trans women as women. To this, I would simply say: Acknowledging that trans women are women is not the erosion of a political and biological class. It is strengthening those classes by accepting the women who, despite all threats of assault or death, stand by their identity and celebrate womanhood.

#long post #essay #jk rowling #response #harry potter #transmen #ftm #mtf #transphobia #transwomen #trans #LGBT #terf #terf wars

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tysonrunningfox · 4 years

Text

Ripped Part 26

Ao3

Hiccup has had one other psychological evaluation. It was when he got out of the hospital, and it went about the same as this one.

In other words, not well.

It turns out that being a white male with a rough relationship with an impossible to please, now absent father figure who also happens to have a long history of childhood bullying raises some red flags. At least last time he was fifteen and still theoretically moldable, instead of a twenty-five-year-old serial murder suspect who just happened to spend the last few years giving nightly tours about the very murders he allegedly copied.

So maybe it went worse this time.

The one bright point was probably the crack in the psychologist’s clinical veneer when Hiccup assured her that no, in fact, he did not have any history of killing animals and he actually loved his childhood cat very much until it died at the ripe old age of eighteen. Of natural causes.

When assuring a mental health professional that he does not now and never has enjoyed torturing animals is a high point, it’s safe to say that this has been a long week. A long month, really. A long year.

Hell, a long life.

Jail has a way of stretching minutes into hours and squeezing hours into dull, ceaseless blinks of an eye. He understands now why people used to mark the dungeon walls when they got fed or caught a glimpse of the sun, because the days blurring together is enough to make Hiccup feel as crazy as the psychiatrist assumed he was.

Not that his version of crazy would ever mean killing cats. His version of crazy appears to mean long, elaborate daydreams of a private shower with a locking door, and also practically unfettered glee when he sees his lawyer because that means he gets to go to a room with a comfortable chair for a while and talk to someone not assuming his guilt.

A straight-faced guard in an NWF uniform walks Hiccup down to the long bank of stalls along a plexiglass barrier. The guard gestures to the last stall and Hiccup sits down in the office chair that might as well be a throne of perfectly fluffed pillows after sitting on his thin mattress all day. His back relaxes enough to hurt, and he exhales a long, slow breath and focuses on Eretson filling out a form before taking the seat on the other side of the plexiglass and picking up the dingy white plastic phone.

“How are you?” Eretson asks out of politeness, not expecting a real answer.

Hiccup almost gives him one anyway, but he doesn’t think it would make him feel any better to say that he’s in jail, it’s miserable, he’s been terrified for so long that he’s mostly just exhausted, and he doesn’t think the psychiatrist liked him very much because she didn’t laugh at any of his jokes.

He settles instead for, “I’m here.”

“How is everything going?” Eretson asks, writing on a legal pad in neat, oversized block letters. Grisly?

They can’t be sure if anything is being recorded on the ancient phone system, but silence is suspicious too.

“Oh, you know, I’m just being in jail. It’s pretty lonely not talking to anyone but your lawyer,” Hiccup laughs, not explicitly trying to sound tired but not holding it back either.

“Any family that you want to visit? I know your mom has been in contact.”

Hiccup swallows hard, “it’s a long flight, she doesn’t need to spend the money just to see me make a fashion statement in orange.” It doesn’t stop him from thinking about her though, how confused she’d be. How angry she’d be if she knew the truth.

His mom is the only woman who ever made his dad back down from an argument and for a second, he lets himself imagine that she could save him. Yell at Grisly, start a picket line, demand reform.

But Grisly isn’t someone to yell at. He’d have no issue adding to his body count.

It makes Hiccup want to scream, and rave, and get a poster-board at a busy intersection to help him spread the truth, and if it were his own life he was risking, he’d do it. But it’s not.

“How is everyone?” He asks, and if Eretson knows who he’s really asking about, he doesn’t show it. His poker face is exhausting, adding to the dreary blur of days in jail. If Hiccup had been making marks on the dungeon wall for every time he won a reaction out of someone, he’d have a single mark made immediately after being placed in his cell, awarded for getting under Grisly’s skin during processing.

“Everything is fine,” Eretson could be lying and Hiccup probably wouldn’t know it, but the thought of something happening to Snotlout or Astrid and not even knowing is too much to even speculate on. It’s the kind of thought that keeps him up at night, counting dimples in the popcorn ceiling to fill the dead space in his mind. “I do want to talk about your options moving towards a trial.”

“Oh God, did the profiler tell you that I’m crazy?” Hiccup laughs under his breath, “because I think she confused my attempts at humor for debilitating psychological issues.” He continues babbling when Eretson doesn’t laugh, “not that I know anything about that. I’m just speaking from what I’ve seen on TV.”

“The profile is just one piece of the case,” Eretson assures, “and you don’t quite fit the profile of a serial murderer.”

“What does ‘not quite’ mean? Is it just the white male, daddy issues thing or did some of my answers partially fit the serial murderer profile?”

“For future reference, saying that Viggo Grimborn is a ‘hobby’ is a bit suspicious.”

“I’ll file that away for the next time I get criminally profiled,” Hiccup nods, “with my luck I’ll probably need it. Should I have said that I actually picked up yoga like my doctor told me to?”

“I finally got access to Grisly’s evidence file,” Eretson changes the subject and Hiccup bites the inside of his cheek to keep from asking if he’s ever laughed, even once, “and it’s going to take a while to look through it all and compare it to my own, but so far it’s more airtight than I would have expected.”

Hiccup has never been very good at not saying what he feels, or even delaying saying what he feels, but glancing at the NWF guard out of the corner of his eye helps him shove his rant back down.

“Oh.”

“Of course, forensics is still working, but that could take months—”

“Months?” Hiccup knows the theory of the word, in that the year is broken into twelve more or less even pieces consisting of approximately thirty days each. There’s something about the moon in there too. But in practice? The concept of spending months in this limbo is foreign and impossible, defying some belief held so strongly that it feels like a physical law. “How long have I been in here?”

“Five days.”

“And you’re saying months until a trial.”

“Under current timelines, yes.” Eretson goes to make another note but then decides against it, speaking carefully instead. “And given the unique circumstances of your situation, I don’t believe that waiting months is the best path forward.”

Hiccup hears the truth between the words: Leaving Grisly to his own devices for months gives him more time to bulletproof his lies and clean up his evidence. His throat tightens when he thinks of Astrid and how much danger she’s in.

“Have you told anyone what I told you about…the case?” He tries, “you know, about their um, continued involvement in the case as it progresses?” His eyes scream about Grisly’s threats and Eretson must get the message because he shakes his head.

“No, I haven’t, I think it’s best to minimize Miss Hofferson’s involvement at this point, given all how many times her name comes up in the file.”

Hiccup doesn’t know Miss Hofferson. Miss Hofferson threatened a harassment claim at one point, sure, but she ceased to exist when Astrid came into the picture. Astrid with her glares and her bony fists and misty eyes when she looks at old books. Astrid impatient for the truth, impatient for the point of a roundabout story, always moving and trying and inviting him to try too.

“Don’t you think…I mean, wouldn’t it be better for her to know the situation?” His throat is dry, and swallowing doesn’t seem to help.

“I thought of something that could potentially move the process along faster,” Eretson ignores Hiccup’s question, not unkindly just devoted to keeping the meeting on track, and Hiccup presses the phone closer to his face, forcing himself to focus. “We haven’t considered a plea deal.”

“A plea deal? Like taking a driving course to knock a few points off of a driving ticket?”

“In this case, a confession and promise to divulge information about anyone else involved in the case in exchange for a reduced sentence.” Eretson writes on the pad, Grisly coerced you into the last murder, then turned on you.

Hiccup’s heart pounds in his ears. One murder, not four. It would be a better ratio if they were talking about any other crime. One car stolen, not four. One house broken into, not four. But as someone who has committed zero murders, confessing to one feels monumental and terrifying and stupid.

While he can’t honestly say he’s spent much time trying to be successful, he has made a conscious effort to not absolutely ruin his life, and confessing to a murder he didn’t commit in order to tell a bunch of lies connecting him to the man who did sounds like a very quick way to undo all of that.

“Reduced sentence, not no sentence.”

“It gives us leverage too,” Eretson insists, “we can argue the conditions of you coming forward with information and include minimum sentence before appeal for probation or insist on a certain facility that’s better than here.”

“So trading months waiting for trial for some as of yet unspecified amount of time in a different cell?” Hiccup snorts, “is there a catalog? Do I get to choose my bedsheets and pick out a plant for the window?”

“The prosecution would no longer have months to prepare for a trial. As it is, they have plenty of time to build their case.” The ‘and do other things like horribly murder your remaining loved ones’ is an unspoken addition.

“Do you think it would work?” Hiccup lets himself think about it, glazing over the moment he’d have to sit in front of his father’s oldest frenemy and say that he took someone’s life.

How deep can Grisly’s cover really go? He thinks of the man’s empty office, his horde of creepy guards seamlessly integrating with multiple levels of law enforcement. How long would someone have to dig to find something wrong? Would a name brought up in a plea deal be enough?

“I have witnesses,” Eretson says, scrawling Jorgenson in purposeful letters on the pad.

“The benefit then, is that we have a chance to direct the investigation.”

“Towards the truth, of course.”

“Right, the truth.” As much as Hiccup has played fast and loose with the rules, he’s always had a steady commitment to the truth, but telling it didn’t save him. Hell, telling the truth now would get people killed, and the silence is starting to be so deafening he’s wondering if the affects will be permanent.

“Think about it,” Eretson starts to stand up and Hiccup fumbles for something else to talk about, anything to get some more time out of character as ‘obedient inmate’, but he’s too slow and Eretson hangs up the phone.

He almost knocks on the plexiglass to get his attention before remembering that’s strictly against the rules, and his hand freezes mid-air when he looks over Eretson’s shoulder and sees who’s turning away from the front desk after filling out a form.

It’s Astrid.

She’s wearing a glare that could melt the barrier between them if she aimed it his direction instead of at Eretson and a jacket she must have borrowed from Hiccup’s coat closet. Her arms fly out from her sides as she argues then she shoves her hands in her pockets and narrows her eyes, an expression he instantly recognizes as seething doubt. She was clearly asking for something she thought she wasn’t going to get, and now that she’s won it, she’s unsure if it’s real.

Then, she looks at him and her eyes widen as her shoulders slump, relief that he can hardly fathom having anything to do with him flooding across her features.

He smiles the first real smile he’s had since she was tangled in his hoarded sheets and everything seemed like it would be ok and waves and she waves back, one half limp hand raised to shoulder height.

Eretson crosses his arms, shoulders rigid then relaxing as he points at the chair he just vacated, saying something else that makes Astrid shoot him a sharp look before hurrying to the other side of the glass. She practically falls into the chair, picking up the phone with shaking fingers and holding it to her ear.

He loves her.

“Hi,” Hiccup starts, anticlimactic, and Astrid’s mouth splits into a wide, tired smile.

He loves her and she isn’t safe here. Not with the NWF guard at the door, not with Grisly just a buzz away.

“Hi,” she bites her lower lip and leans forward on her elbows on the ledge in front of the window, and if it weren’t for the plexiglass, he could kiss her. “Eretson isn’t happy that I’m here, he told me not to follow him because visiting hours were over, but I checked online and, well—”

“And you’re here.” And he loves her, and he doesn’t want to tell her in an itchy jumpsuit over a dirty jail phone, but it’s so true and so much that he’s not sure he’ll have a choice. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I’ve been told ten minutes and no discussions of ‘substance’,” she air-quotes around the word and his palms itch with how much he wants to touch her.

Eretson is standing by the door and Hiccup idly wonders if he has his gun or if he had to turn that in to step into his lawyer shoes. Either way, his presence feels protective, and Hiccup already told Astrid once that she shouldn’t be here, he can’t be expected to do that again. Not when she’s right across from him, not when it’s been so long since he’s seen a friendly face.

“That works for me, I don’t have anything of substance to talk about.” He shrugs and she smiles, soft and fond in a way he definitely doesn’t deserve. She’s obviously exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes making his chest ache even as the sight of her in his jacket lets him feel like he’s protecting her in some tiny way while he can’t do anything else. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, you?”

“I’m here.” It hurts more the second time.

“Yeah,” she looks back at Eretson for a second before scooting her chair closer to the glass, “that was a stupid question. You look like hell.”

“Thanks,” he wipes a hand over his stubble and his cheeks heat up.

“No, not—the beard is fine,” her smile is faint and secret and too far away, “it’s more just…” She waves her hand at him and he rolls his eyes.

“You just gestured to all of me.”

“All of you except your beard,” she clarifies before checking on Eretson again. She’s not built for levity in this kind of situation and he can see a serious depth sneaking back into her eyes. “Everything’s a mess.”

“Hey now, that sounds like ‘substance’,” he redirects, “how’s Snotlout?”

“When his shoulder is better to the point that I won’t literally kill him, I’m going to hit him sixty-seven separate times,” she sets her chin, resolute, “I have a tally.”

“Are you sure he’s ok? That sounds a little low.”

She laughs, a tinge of mischief clouding the worry in her expression, “he’s ok. He made a point yesterday to tell me his favorite story about you.”

“Oh God,” Hiccup’s stomach falls as his eyes widen, “what favorite story is that?”

“You know,” she tucks her hair behind her ear but it doesn’t stay, falling back against her flushing cheek, “some girl called you ‘Viggo’ and—”

“Yep, that one.” If Grisly came in right now and offered to kill him to make this easier, he might just let him. “Which version was it?”

“There are different versions?”

“No,” he drags his palm down his face, “not—I wish there were, every other Snotlout story is blown out of proportion so much it’s easy to call bullshit, but that one…he tells that story with unflinching accuracy and dedication to the truth.” He shakes is head, wishing he had a bucket of ice to put out the fire on his face, “sometimes there are sound effects, I’m shocked you’re here.”

“No sound effects,” she shakes her head, “maybe he’ll do those in court though, he seems to think he can prove your innocence.”

“I think I’d rather plead guilty than listen to Snotlout tell that story in court.” He laughs, but it brings Eretson’s plea deal back into his conscious mind. Just as a concept to get used to, as something neutral that takes up space in his brain until he decides what to do about it.

“Don’t even joke about that,” she whispers, crossing her legs and tapping an anxious foot in the air. “I’ve been looking at this from every angle and I haven’t found anything yet.”

“That’s definitely substance—”

“Eretson isn’t listening,” she mutters, “and if I don’t do something useful, I’m going to scream, I—”

“Hey, it’s ok,” he lies, and he can’t help thinking of Grisly’s promise, “you’re safe, that’s what matters—”

“That’s a copout,” she glares, tired and alive and his chest throbs, “there has to be something that we can do.”

“I can’t do anything,” he hates how bitter he sounds, honest for the first time in days, and something about Astrid’s solid expression is almost shocked, like she expected better or at least different of him. “I can barely keep the days straight, I—Hell, I told a psychologist that Viggo Grimborn is a hobby and now they think—well, I guess they already thought given that I’m here—”

“Hiccup,” she sighs, palm on the plexiglass, fingertips that he can’t touch smudged with ink and library dust.

“Eretson said that a trial could take months,” he leans his head on his hand, “and I know that, rationally. I know that big, newsworthy trials for serial killers take months to put together, but I guess—I don’t want to do this here.”

“Do what?”

“Anything.” Even he thinks he sounds pathetic now and Astrid’s frown turns disappointed, which is worse than just sad. “I just feel useless.”

“I can see that.” If it were pity in her voice, it would shut him down, but it’s not. It’s something different, something stronger. Something annoyed, and he realizes for the first time, she’s dragging him along a path of her choice, and him digging in his heel isn’t going to stop her.

He looks at her hand and his jumpsuit and his blurry reflection that he can see superimposed over her face on the plexiglass if he stares hard enough. He loves her. He thinks about that ill-fated breakfast run and what he’d be doing now if things had gone differently.

“I guess…I spent the last few years in complete stasis, just giving tours and knowing what every day would look like before it began. And then, well, you.” Then he fell in love with her. No, she changed everything before he did that, but that doesn’t make it sound any less corny. He wouldn’t have thought she was in the mood for corny, but her eyes soften slightly even as she holds her frown in place. He forces himself to keep talking so that he doesn’t backtrack over anything he hasn’t decided to say yet, “and I think for the first time in a while, I thought these next few months were going to be different.”

“How?” Of course she asks the question most likely to make him look like an idiot.

“Aside from well, you maybe being around I hope, umm,” he clears his throat and presses the phone closer to his ear to continue, “and well, I guess I have to finally figure out what I’m going to do with my life? Because it isn’t sensationalizing murders that are still destroying everything I love about this city even a hundred years on, and,” he swallows hard and laughs, a sharp, surprised sound, “and I think I was looking forward to it, almost. But now that’s not happening because my next few months are all booked up. Literally.”

“Well, you have plenty of time to think about it,” she tries and fails to cushion the statement and it makes him smile even as his heart sinks, heavy and exhausted and desperate.

What are the chances she’s still going to look at him like that after months?

“That’s true.”

“I’ll figure out how to book a conjugal trailer and we can work on your resume,” she offers, evidently satisfied with his suggested path forward. “

“You shouldn’t,” he tries to swallow against the knot in his throat when he thinks about her on jail property, alone with him, and Grisly’s promised intent rings in his ears. Months. What are the chances she can evade Grisly for months if she can’t go five days without ending up here? “It’s not safe.”

“I obviously need to, just a few days of this and you sound like Eretson.”

“Eretson’s right, Astrid.” He sighs and rubs his hand over his face. He could tell her. The NWF guard behind him couldn’t make a move with cameras and Eretson standing right there in the lobby. If he told her, then she’d know to run far away and—and he doesn’t now how deep Grisly’s cover goes.

“I can take care of myself.” Plus, looking at her fierce blue eyes, he knows that she wouldn’t run.

Months. Months of chances. Months of not seeing her every day, or at all, if she’s doing what’s best for herself. Months of limited information and fear that the next snippet that makes it through the bars on his cell will be bad.

He’s right, it is time to figure out what he’s going to do with his life, and while he has decidedly fewer choices than he thought he would, the answer is still obvious.

“Eretson’s right about a lot of things,” he sighs, hoping she’ll go easy on him and knowing that’s impossible, “he thinks I should take a plea deal.”

“I told you not to joke about that—”

“I’m not joking.” He shakes his head, taking in her furious expression. It’s slower blooming than normal, jaw flexing and setting forward before the blue fire is truly lit in her eyes. She’s tired, after five days, and she doesn’t now half of the truth. He loves her, and the only draw to finally getting his shit together is that he’d be doing it with her. He doesn’t get to do that now, but he can do something for her.

He could tell himself that he’s doing it for Snotlout or for whoever would be unlucky enough to cross Grisly’s path next, but since he’s already planning to lie himself into a prison sentence for a murder he didn’t commit, he should probably stick to the truth, at least internally.

“That decision is going to last more than months, Hiccup—”

“Yeah, and it’s about more than time.” He almost tells her then, but he’s not sure what good it would do when she’s staring at him with something like hatred. Too shocked, too sad, too helpless. She looks like she wants to smack some sense into him and he’d let her if it meant he could touch her before he takes this step he knows he can’t retreat from.

He wonders, briefly, if the real Viggo Grimborn ever thought about turning himself in. When the fervor died down and no one mentioned him in the paper anymore. Maybe he took a Victorian plea deal and got arrested for something else, something smaller, something forgiveable, but barely. And only to some.

If only Astrid didn’t forgive him for harassment, then he might have that ‘get out of trouble free’ card to spend now.

Except he wouldn’t need it then, because he would have done his community service and gone right back to giving tours, staying across the street to respect a fifty-yard boundary. No matter what, Astrid was destined to disrupt the monotony of his life, he just hoped one of the roads didn’t lead to a courtroom.

“Hiccup,” she says his name in a tone he doesn’t recognize, half-pleading and half-insulting, both uncomfortable for her. She opens her mouth again wordlessly, obviously unsure what to say to bring her pep talk back on track.

“You were right, there is something I can do.”

“No—”

“Visiting hours are over,” the NWF guard appears behind Hiccup, heavy hand on his shoulder as he looks at Astrid, recognition flickering in his otherwise brainwashed eyes. “Time’s up.”

“I’m not done here,” Astrid stands up, phone still pressed to her ear, glare dialed to the maximum even as Eretson steps into the room behind her and says something to get her attention.

“Let Eretson give you a ride,” Hiccup says, memorizing how her eyes on him feel, even through plexiglass, even furious and confused, “please.”

His cell is smaller than before. The bed is less comfortable, the walls colder, the single light in the ceiling flickering at just the right frequency to prevent him from thinking. His jumpsuit is itchy and his back is either too tense to hurt, or the sensation is entirely drowned out by the dull throbbing in his chest. Most of the time, when people sacrifice themselves for the greater good, it’s faster than this. It’s jumping in front of a bullet, not waiting alone for hours to invoke due process like a spell.

He can’t say he’s surprised when the door to the hallway opens, and he’s definitely not surprised to see Grisly, monochromatic and rigid, danger stuffed carefully out of sight for the time being. Hiccup’s relief is palpable and gruesome, he hates knowing what the man looks like after a kill, but he’s glad to know that this sober expression isn’t it.

“I heard Astrid visited today,” Grisly’s smile blooms slowly as he steps out of range of the hallway cameras and Hiccup rolls his eyes.

“Yeah? Did a little birdie tell you?”

“I trust you didn’t tell her anything sensitive,” he gloats, a cat pinning a mouse’s tail down and watching it struggle.

But Hiccup isn’t struggling, not anymore. He’s not trying to escape, he’s steering into the skid. He’s a mouse full of rat poison, ready to dive into the belly of the beast.

“Oh, so you can’t get the recordings from those visiting phones? Eretson was wondering about that, thanks for the tip.” He jokes, voice even, and Grisly straightens his uniform. Hiccup wonders if he designed the NWF uniforms himself, and the thought strikes him as kind of pathetic. Less of a wolf in sheep’s clothing and more of an institutional fanboy, a blatant self-insert too self-conscious to be believable.

At least when Hiccup puts on an act, he gets real antiques. He commits.

“I just thought I’d remind you of her…precarious situation.” It’s bluster, painted on thick and smudged before it could dry into armor.

“Trust me, I couldn’t forget it if I tried.”

“Good,” Grisly’s smile is cracked around the edges, veneer wearing thin after a long day at an office job he hates, “you seem to be taking something seriously for once. You know, maybe all of this has been good for you.”

“The legal system is supposed to rehabilitate people after all,” Hiccup shrugs, on the weird end of a paternal lecture from someone he respects so little that he feels the need to make it clear. “Maybe I’ll finally be an upstanding citizen when this is all over.”

“Upstanding,” Grisly’s lip curls, eyes manic and alive for just a second before he wipes has hands on his pants and selects one key off of his keyring, “if it keeps your spirits up…”

“Oh yeah, I’m downright chipper,” Hiccup nods, “catching up on my sleep. So, if you don’t mind,” he points at the evening sky outside and fakes a yawn.

Grisly grits his teeth, feral for a second, canine too sharp, “of course. Can I get you anything else while I’m being so accommodating?”

“I think I’m good for now,” Hiccup waves him towards the door, “I’ll let you know though.”

Grisly leaves then, shoulders rigid, and Hiccup hates how the silence makes him wish he’d dragged out the conversation longer. He tells himself that this will be over soon and tries to think about his new tour, a thrilling, courtroom-based tale of murder and eventual, inevitable betrayal.

#ripped #httyd fic #hiccstrid #modern au #hiccstrid fic #serial killer tour guide au #we'er here now and it's weird

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bobasheebaby · 4 years

Text

Penny Prompts

1 “If I take it off, NAME wins.” “Sweetie, every night you don't kill him/her in his/her sleep, he/she wins.”

2 “Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.” “Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.”

3 “NAME, what did we say about being a nicer friend?” “Thank you.” “NAME, what did we say about being a gullible weeny?”

4 “I'm not signing a prenup.” “All right, NAME, listen up! You sign anything he/she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man/woman alive. If you let him/her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all men/women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.”

5 “What am I supposed to do?” “Err, keep your mouth off other men/women.”

6 “So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.” “Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.” “I told you if we were patient, he'd/she’d figure it out for himself/herself.”

7 [Person a knocks on NAME’s door three times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.”

8 “NAME 's mad at me, and I'm not clear why.” “Okay, were you talking before he:she got upset?” “Yes.” “That's probably it.”

9 “Ignore them, NAME. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.” “Isn't this when he/she says "bazooka" or something?”

10 [looking at caller ID] “Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight.” [answering phone] “Hey, baby...” “His/her right hand is calling him/her?”

11 “Doesn't he/she know you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” “He/She doesn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend he/she has a NAME.”

12 “What kind of teenager did you think I was?” “Slutty.” “Easy.” “The word is 'popular'.”

13 “Once you open the box it loses its value.” “Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.”

14 “Is that all you have? Shop-worn tidbits like ‘talk to him/her’ and ‘let it go’? Gee, NAME, life's given me lemons, what should I do?” “Well, you could shove them somewhere.”

15 “More Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?” “Oh, yeah. That's gone. It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.”

16 “I don't believe it. What's gotten into him/her?” “Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.” “You didn't.” “Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.”

17 “Come on, we are not old, boring people. We can do better than this.” “That's true. How late did we stay up last night?” “Almost 1 am.” “Damn straight almost 1 am. And we weren't even watching TV, we were watching Netflix like the kids do.” “Yeah. Is it a comedy, is it a drama? Nobody knows!”

18 “You gotta help me get my arm into my sleeve.” [Eyes closed] “Okay!” “Is that my arm?” “It doesn't feel like an arm.” “Then maybe you should let it go.”

19 “Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?” “I don't know, a psychiatrist?”

20 “Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?” “Because I like peppermint, and it's fun to say schnapps!”

21 “You wanna turn yourself into some sort of robot?” “Essentially, yes.” “Okay, here's my question: Didn't you already do that?”

22 “I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.” “I could think about you.” “Whatever works.”

23 “We cover ourselves in body paint and then we get on this big canvas and do our thing.” “Woah, that's kind of a big step for a guy/girl who only recently agreed to take his/her socks off.”

24 “He’s/She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.” “Hey, I talked to him/her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.”

25 [To NAME’s dog] “Bark once if you need me to call PETA.”

26 “NAME, that's not what boyfriends/girlfriends are for. Although you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know?”

27 “Don't you dare knock!”

28 “Don't you think if a man/woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?” “Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.”

29 “Good morning, slut!” “What?” “Oh, please! I recognise the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it!”

30 “They're gonna get beaten up at that club.” “They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.”

31 “Holy crap on a cracker!”

32 “And then you put it back, compromising the rest of the onion rings.” “Aw honey, the buses don't go where you live do they?”

33 “What's up, buttercup?”

34 “And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?”

35 “Really still can't talk to me?”

36 “This is banana bread.” “This is a door knob.”

37 “Oh, I don't know. I don't want to manipulate him/her with sex.” “Oh, sweetie, that's what sex is for.”

38 “I'm a little low on cash.” “How much you got?” “Nothing.” “How can you walk around with no money?” “I'm cute, I get by.”

39 “And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.” “What?!” “I know that face. That's your proposed face.”

40 “Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.” “Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?”

41 “NAME, will you marry me?” “Oh my god, yes!”

42 “Is this the stuff you want me to try on?” “No this is the stuff I want you to throw out. Seriously, don't even give it to charity. You won't be helping anyone.”

43 “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” “Well, not to steal from the bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.”

44 “Oh, my God, you’re about to jibber jabber about jibber jabber.”

45 “I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.”

46 “We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we gave you.”

47 “You know deep down inside, NAME’s a nice guy.” “The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.”

48 “Um, you know it's kinda early. Do you wanna maybe come in for some coffee or something?” “Oh gee, its a little late for coffee isn't it?” “Aw, you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.”

49 “The thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.” “Interesting.” “Isn't it!” “No, I mean what you find enjoyable.”

50 “Do or do not do there is no try.” “Did you just quote Star Wars?” “I believe I quoted The Empire Strikes Back.”

51 “You can't let him/her get into your head.” “It's too late for me, my head is his/her summer house.”

52 “Well, while they're acting like teenagers we could do something grown up.” “Ooh, you mean like a museum?” “Yes, like a museum but anything else!”

53 “NAME’s being reasonable.” “Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go.”

54 “Oh, my God, he/she won't stop.” “How does he/she keep coming up with new ways to be annoying?” “Nobody knows. That's why he’s/she's number one.”

55 “I love you.” “Who cares?”

56 “You're okay with an experiment where you have to answer awkward questions about your innermost feelings?” “Yes.” “Please can I do it with him/her, please.”

57 “Don't be like that. You two need to talk this out.” “Yeah, because you sound really funny.”

58 “I really thought he/she was going to say ‘let it go’.”

59 “Honey, you don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.”

60 “I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.” “Well what do you need?” “You, you stupid Poptart.”

61 “What are you saying? That I'm using my body to get dinner? That I'm some sort of Chinese food prostitute?”

62 “I was unstoppable. I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.” “Again, it was miniature golf.” “Admit it, you're a little turned on.” “You can't be this proud.” “Why not?” “Because I beat you.”

63 “How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?” “Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.”

64 “Come on. How can you be sad when you're going home with all five foot six of this?” “You think you're five foot six? That's funny.”

65 “Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.” “Were you drunk?” “I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?” “I think you're the one who fell over.” “Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.”

66 “I need to go back to dating dumb guys/girls from the gym.”

67 “We'll take you to the mall to get it done.” “Why? I can do it right here.” “Really? You have a piercing gun?” “No. All you need is a needle and an ice cube. I've done it, like, a dozen times.” “Oh, I don't know.” “Oh, come on. I'll be gentle. Let me take your ear virginity.” “This party's weird.”

68 “So is that it? Are we engaged?” “Yeah, I think so.” “All right.” “What's wrong?” “I'm not sure. It just feels a little anti-climactic.” “Yeah, it kinda does, doesn't it?”

69 “I promise next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It will be for love ... or money.”

70 “I don't understand, exactly how did he/she get any friends in the first place?” “We liked NAME.”

71 “Here, have some pizza, sweetie.” “You know I'm lactose intolerant.” “I know; I just need you to stop talking.”

72 “So, what do you think?” “I thought it would be a little more ... just more.” “I'm not even sure why we were out of breath.”

73 “I mean I was on fire. I was in the zone like an athlete.” “Sweetie, I beat you at this, too.”

74 “Well, I can't eat like a ten-year-old all the time.” “You're dating somebody! Who is it?” “What? What are you talking about?” “You only watch what you eat when you're afraid you might have to take your shirt off.”

75 “So I'm like a bran muffin?” “What? No, that's not what I'm saying.” “No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.” “What does it matter? I'm choosing you.” “It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.” “Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.”

#big bang theory quotes #big bang theory prompts #penny #dialogue prompts #writing prompts #i live in covid 19 hell #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years

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June 22: 1x03 Where No Man Has Gone Before

Today, the second pilot, aka Kirk fights his ex-boyfriend, the superhuman space mutant.

Whaaaaat TV screen by the chess set? That’s such a funny transition for me for some reason.

Spock thinks he can win lol. I love that he’s sassy from the start. And throwing shade at Sarek, which is how I choose to interpret “my ancestor married a human woman” when he very well knows it’s his dad.

“Materializer.”

For a moment, I thought Spock was of a lower rank but then I realized the pilot uniforms only showed three different ranks so who even knows.

I’m barely even paying attention to the plot, I’m too distracted by the outfits and the banter.

Are you certain you don’t know what irritation is, Mr. Spock????? Are you SURE?

THIS ELEVATOR SCENE IS STILL MY FAVORITE IN THE WHOLE SERIES. Kirk is so obviously in love with Spock already, like just the way he looks at him??? And Gary is bitter. Did you finish your GAME GUYS? How was the GAME?? You like that CHESS?

Lol at Kirk’s microphone. I love how different the pilot is and how much more obvious the differences are because it’s sci fi. (Their screen/windshield is also hilarious for some reason? It looks very fake.)

Sulu is head of astrophysics?? Really got a demotion there. This needs to be a thing in fic though, somehow.

Kirk is so brave. Gonna explore this weird space thing to save future space travelers.

New drinking game: take a shot every time there’s a random shot of Kirk looking beautiful.

My mother asked if Gary was hoping he could hold Kirk’s hand when the alien force field attacks and I said yes. Dig it in there Mr. Kirk.

Kirk and Spock flying the ship.

Sulu looking gorgeous.

Some gratuitous k/s arm grabbing.

Love how they show the ship has no warp by having it move really slowly across the screen. But actually--completely underrated problem that I forgot about it what with the whole Gary God Complex thing--if you have no warp capabilities you are stranded for real.

It took me a suuuuuper long time to figure out why most esper people died and two became supermutants. The force field targeted the most susceptible but was too much for most of them.

Also I love how the force field was just literally never explained. It just is. Nor was it explained that that other ship was, which Kirk seemed to think shouldn’t have been in deep space in the first place.

I can’t believe Dehner is telling a literal alien “this is how this thing is and there’s only one version of the thing and these are the limits.” Like??? He has all sorts of abilities you don’t know about? Why do you assume that things as they have been observed on Earth are the only way things can be, especially outside Earth? When you are talking to someone whose very existence would be impossible by your measure?

Looking at medbay, can’t help but feel that McCoy really spruced up the joint.

Gary rearranging himself just so for Jim’s entrance.

I legitimately don’t know what “this long hair stuff you like” is. I was born in 1988 so, that’s my excuse.

A STACK OF BOOKS WITH LEGS

IN LT. KIRK’S CLASS YOU THINK OR SINK.

Kirk is giving Gary those “I love you” eyes. They’re exes. Clearly.

I mean “I outlined her whole campaign for her”? First, putting unnecessary characters into a story because the short version is homosexual is ITSELF homosexual and second--that’s very gay on its face.

Kirk is clearly trying to be the Cool Ex (and, uh, boss) and Gary’s still bitter. “Friend Captain.”

No privacy on the Enterprise I see.

“The one you used to know,” Spock says, clearly jealous.

Love poem from 1996--so ancient.

Imo Spock is glad for this opportunity to shade Gary Mitchell openly. Finally, I can tell Jim my real thoughts: we should kill him.

Dr. Dehner is awfully enamored of this whole “new kind of human” thing given that she must have some knowledge of Earth history, including, you know, the horrifically deadly WWIII fought over exactly this idea but w/e.

Sulu bringing the math.

Spock saying “Jim” again. He definitely actually does this a lot? Maybe later he pulls himself back on purpose on account of Too Many Feelings.

D E L T A V E G A .

Forgot they poached that name. Should have kept it a mining planet. I wonder if it is supposed to be the same place and if Ambassador Spock was thinking about Gary while he was there.

“You’re talking about Gary!” This Kirk and Spock scene is really good too. Just about as good as the elevator scene. I literally cannot read this through anything other than the “ex and future boyfriend” lens and it makes it so much better. (Not that it’s not a good story on its face because it is. But just like the additional layers??)

“Our task: maroon my ex-boyfriend on this abandoned planet.” They’ve known each other 15 years.

Kirk and Spock taking Gary down.

That is 100% a drawing taken from the cover of a 50s sci fi novel.

Spock is so ridiculously, comically armed. Pacifist who? They keep on saying he doesn’t have feelings and yet ALL I see are feelings. Arming himself to the teeth for Jim. Clearly bitter about Jim’s feelings for Gary. Ready to thrown down all the time.

RIP Kelso. Good thing he got that commendation.

“Command and compassion is a fool’s mixture.”

“Don’t wake up Spock until I’m gone or he’ll follow me.” True.

Just Jim and his ridiculous weapon now, off to ruin Gary’s date.

Kirk and Spock would love all these flowers.

“You were a psychiatrist once--ten minutes ago.”

“Did you hear him joke about compassion?” I know the powers corrupted Gary but...did they do all the corrupting? Or did they just allow him to say some stuff he really means?

That “phaser rifle” looks like a supersoaker. (Mom: it probably is.)

Gary claims to know Jim so well but he doesn’t even know his middle name.

He’s so dramatic. SO DRAMATIC. Calling Jim “James” all the time; clearly his personal name for him when they were together. Whereas Jim continues to call him by his last name, which is funny.

And then Spock sees Jim is about to get sad and makes sure to come right over. “I felt for him too,” he admits, reluctantly.

It’s weird how much more dated this ep looks imo. Like I strongly maintain that even on the basis of style TOS ages very well (better than TNG which is 90s to the hilt), but this one looked very...50s/60s sci fi. Not in a bad way, just in a very obvious way. I feel like even the Enterprise looks a lot different after the pilot, in ways I can’t really explain or describe or pinpoint. It’s just subtly.... more unique. More real.

Mom and I were discussing where this fits in the timeline. She thinks early 5 year mission, which is what I’ve always assumed...but I’m bothered by how 99% of the crew is different. So now I’m thinking, like, pre-5 year mission? Maybe like a short mission? This is Kirk’s first command, maybe they sent him out for like a year first. It doesn’t explain how Gary and Spock have “worked together for years” but Dehner could have been wrong about that, or she could have meant they both have 15 years + in Starfleet.

The AOSverse should have rebooted Mitchell instead of Khan and that’s all I’m saying about that but it’s true.

I have always assumed Gary is First Officer in this ep but I don’t remember it actually being mentioned and now I’m wondering if we’ve all just collectively made that up.

Next up is the absolute classic The Naked Time. Maybe I’ll find an opportunity to watch it in less than a week’s time?

#star trek tos #the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: star trek

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ververa · 5 years

Text

The End

It’s supposed to be the last chapter of “You are enough”

youtube

(Maybe it’s not the most relevant song, but I think it works good with the chapter. Also it helped me while writing, so here it’s anyway)

YOU ARE ENOUGH - CHAPTER 12 - THE END

Ellie Staple x Ronnie

Words: 2.692

Hope you enjoy it

“You are the hole in my head You are the space in my bed You are the silence in between What I thought and what I said”

Dr Ellie Staple spent almost a half of her life working as a psychiatrist. She had a huge experience in that field. She cured a lot of people and became a well-known, respected psychiatrist.

No wonder everyone wanted to cooperate with her. She was an incredibly compassionate human being. Always dedicated to her work and patients. She was one in a million and turned out to be invaluable help for the Clover Organisation.

When she decided to join the elaborated secret society, Ellie hadn’t even thought that one day it all can turn against her. She had no idea that she may care about something, or rather somebody, more than she did about her job.

Their purpose was good – they wanted to maintain the balance in the world. That sounded like a good plan. The right way to change the world for better. They claimed that superhuman beings could be a threat to normal citizens, so the members of the Organisation were trying to stop them. Their aim was to prevent superheroes from gaining a foothold in the wider consciousness, no matter the costs.

Ellie’s greatest strength had always been her brain. That turned out to be really helpful, when she was creating her own theory and a way of treatment for those, who believed they had superpowers. Everything, every case, action, accident was explainable. Her brain was able to find justification for everything. But that changed. She met Ronnie and suddenly things stopped being obvious and easy to explain.

The girl captivated her in the way nobody had ever done. First she got to Ellie’s head. Almost like some kind of virus, for which there was no cure. The virus that spreads until it overtakes every inch of the body and infects the most important organs – a brain and a heart.

That was the power of true and loving affection. And that felt like something supernatural. It was strange at first. Unknown and completely new, but it was a good feeling. As if Ellie found something that she hadn’t even known she was missing. Her heart became so full and that felt like magic. Ronnie was like her oxygen without which she wouldn’t be able to live. The only light in her life and she wasn’t able to see things the same without Ronnie by her side. She was in a shadow of the girl’s heart, but it felt too good to exchange it for anything. Even her job didn’t matter that much any more. She didn’t want to save the world. She only wanted to keep Ronnie safe and have the girl close all the time.

Though Ellie couldn’t just like that quit working for the organisation. She was still its member and it wasn’t easy to back out of it.

It was supposed to be the last time. Her last case before coming back to the normal work. To typical hospital and treating “ordinary” people.

Raven Hill Memorial it was. Ellie’s new destination. Her new place of work. She had been given 3 days to cure a group of three men. That was the deal…

“You are the night-time fear You are the morning when it's clear When it's over you'll start You're my head, you're my heart”

Going to the university Ronnie hadn’t foreseen that she and Ellie wouldn’t be able to spend with each other as much time as they used to. They were both too busy. Their schedules didn’t consort. Ellie started to work more. Though that wasn’t all. Ronnie didn’t want to admit it at first, but her lover started to act differently. Weird phone calls at night, working till late, leaving before Ronnie get up. It felt as if Staple was avoiding her on purpose. She wasn’t a caring and loving girlfriend like before. It wasn’t nice, of course, but what Ronnie could do. Ellie had never been the one to open up or talk about problems.

She was legitimising it with Ellie having a lot of things going on at work. She wanted to believe it. She truly did, but couldn’t help the thoughts that were crossing her mind. What if she wasn’t enough any more? What if Ellie got bored? What if she didn’t love her? What if she had someone…?

The girl was well aware that such way of thinking was rather irrational. It was more destructive than helpful, but still despite her knowledge and awareness, it was stronger.

Also the fact that they were spending most of the time in different places was making it worse. She tried not to show it. Kept herself composed. Acted calm, but she lost her shit when Ellie left, once again, and didn’t have time to even call her. Staple excused herself with work, but Ronnie’s mind knew better.

The girl wasn’t the one to give up easily, but she felt like some faulty product rejected by the costumer, when Ellie kept o rejecting her calls. She tried. She wanted to have her old Ellie back, but how long could she keep on fighting for her attention and affection…

“No light, no light in your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can't choose what stays and what fades away”

Ellie didn’t realise that she was constantly pushing the girl away. She was too focused on her job, which she wanted to finish – quickly and effectively, as she always did. However, that time was different.

It didn't go as planned. The world wasn't supposed to know about the superheroes existence and most importantly it wasn't supposed to find out about the Clover Organization. Definitely not in such a way if anything.

The members just wanted to maintain the balance in the world. And they did it by eliminating superhuman beings. It was for good of everyone, right? But as the videos from Raven Hill Memorial Hospital seeped to the public it all was thrown away.

Ellie couldn't believe that it actually happened. She was cooperating with the organization for quite some time and things had never got out of control like that before. She used to go from city to city with the aim of hunting down incidents of superheroism and with help from other members simply shutting them down before they managed to get too much attention. But that time... That time was different. It didn't go according to the plan.

Her therapy – supposed to revoke the process, that had changed the 3 men's brains, didn't work. Actually, it did – partially. They did believe their thinking was only a delusion. But she didn't manage to spare their lives. Her treatment did not enable to did it in a nonlethal way...

Ellie felt helpless. She's the one in charge and she lost control. The Organization was revealed. She was revealed. Everyone in the city, in the country or maybe even all around the world saw them killing people that seemed to be defenceless.

The psychiatrist could feel how tensed her body was. It felt as if her brain was going to explode. She wanted to cry, but the tears didn’t flow. She began to question her humanity and the ability of feeling emotions the way normal people do.

She wasn’t evil. Nobody’s bad or good singularly. She just subscribed to a particular way of thinking. She won and lost at the same time. She won the fight against a power of belief, but reviled the side of her life that nobody was supposed to know.

Ellie reached for her phone and that’s when she realised it. It’s been 3 days, since she dissociated herself from the whole world. She tried to make things right, but instead she fucked up. She pushed away the only person she truly cared about. She literally gave no fuck about Ronnie for 2 weeks or so and she didn’t even notice that. It was until then that she realised how much she missed the girl’s smile, her touch or voice.

How could she be that oblivious? She couldn’t cry, but she still could scream. And she did. It was her expression of despair. It was her sorrow and fear. She already knew that Ronnie must have seen the tapes. She felt helpless and weak like never before. The thought of losing the only light in her life made her sick. She didn’t know what to expect, but she was ready to do everything to repair her mistake.

“Through the crowd I was crying out and In your place there were a thousand other faces I was disappearing in plain sight Heaven help me I need to make it right”

Ronnie, indeed, saw the tapes. Apparently, everyone did. She couldn't believe it was Ellie, but there were no doubts.

"My name is doctor Ellie Staple. And I'm a psychiatrist". "We're not meant to have this much power..."

The girl couldn't stop hearing her beloved Ellie's words.

"You think you have superpowers? That you are something.more.than.human? -- I'll tell you a secret. - You. Are. Mistaken"

Ronnie's head was full of questions. What did it all mean? Who were they? Who was Ellie?

She felt as if she didn't know anything any more. As if she didn't know Ellie at all.

She knew the woman was a psychiatrist and that she was "helping" people with delusions of grandeur. But she believed – she was sure actually – it was only in their heads, that they cannot actually show any real powers. Yet it was true. They could perform their superhuman abilities. They did perform. And she saw it all.

It was unexpected. Unbelievable. Spectacular and scary at the same time. But the girl couldn't deny what she saw.

“And I'd do anything to, to make you stay No light, no light (No light) Tell me what you want me to say “

Ellie didn't come back home straightaway. She needed to calm down. However she couldn't. She was assuming the worst – Ronnie leaving her. Nonetheless, scared as she was, she had to go back and at least try to explain it.

She opened the door with her trembling hands. She could feel a terrible pain in her head, which was probably caused by her holding back the tears. She couldn’t cry earlier, but on her way back the tears sprang into her eyes unexpectedly. Ellie wasn't used to crying. She did it only on a few occasions and never in front of people – simply not wanting to come as a burden. It would be a sign that she's not in control any more and she had to be all the time, cause who could take care of things if not she?

The psychiatrist found Ronnie in the living room. The girl was standing at the window with her back to Ellie and a cigarette in her hand.

The woman wanted to call her name, but suddenly she wasn't able to make any sound. Luckily, or not, for her she didn't have to. Ronnie turned back and faced her. As their eyes met Ellie knew it's going to be worse than she had expected. For the first time she wasn't able to look in Ronnie's eyes and she lowered her gaze. Ellie's lower lip was trembling as she opened her mouth to speak. But much to her dismay no sound came out.

"Sit down and I'll make you some herbal tea, so you can calm down" Ronnie said stubbing out the cigarette that she didn't even smoke completely

It's not like it sounded rude or something, but Ellie knew better. Her brain was already creating more than one hundred scenarios what may happen next. And none of them had a happy ending…

It was obvious the girl was upset. The worst part was probably that she didn't look at Ellie the same.

The woman had known it's going to be hard, and nothing – no studies, work or experience that she had as a psychiatrist – could prepare her for that.

“But would you leave me If I told you what I've done And would you leave me If I told you what I've become

'Cause it's so easy To say it to a crowd But it's so hard, my love To say it to you out loud”

Ellie took a cigarette packet that was on the table and lit one up. She closed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts, as she dragged the smoke slowly.

"Here you are" Ronnie placed a mug in front of her before sitting down on the couch

Ellie didn't dare to look at her.

"Are you going to say anything?" Ronnie asked

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth maybe?"

"You don't have to ask me about it. What you know is true. I've never lied to you"

"Well, you've never mentioned killing them"

"Ronnie..." Ellie moved and wanted to take the girl's hand, but she shifted to avoid the touch

"Are you afraid...?" the psychiatrist asked; her voice shaking "O-of me?" tears springing into her eyes once again

"I..." she hesitated "I don't know. I don't know anything any more. Three people. Three men are dead"

"I did not kill them. It wasn't me..."

"But you were there too! You let them kill those defenceless men..."

"There was nothing I could do. That's the procedure..." she said wiping the tear that escaped her eye "You have no idea how it feels... And it's even worse now, when you're against me"

"You're right. I don't know how it feels” Ronnie stood up “Because you did not tell me!” she yelled “How do you expect me to act now? You think that I can just pretend that nothing happened?"

"No! Of course, not. It's just... It's not what you think"

"What is it then? Explain it to me. I want to understand. I really do, but I cannot unsee what i saw"

"I don't know what to start with..."

"Maybe start from the very beginning?"

The psychiatrist did realize it was going to be the hardest talk that she ever had. Before she started she stood up and took a bottle of whisky. She poured herself a glass and sat down again. She took a few sips and began to speak. Ellie told the girl about the elaborate secret society called the Clover Organization – of which not only her, but also Ronnie's parents were members. She spoke about the threat that superhuman can be to normal people and how she tried to psychosomatically convince them that their powers are only a delusion, so that the killing wouldn't be carried out. However, as she was about to finish it was too much for her. She was talking about how her therapy hadn't work completely and how her patients slipped through the cracks – that's when salty tears filled her eyes.

Ronnie looked at the other woman. There were no insecurities and doubts any more. At that moment all that had happened didn’t matter. Ellie was still only a human and definitely couldn’t be blamed for everything.

It was Ronnie’s time to act. She didn't hesitate and pulled the psychiatrist closer. As the girl did so, Ellie broke down. She was holding her tears back too long and when she finally let go they're streaming down her cheeks, dampening Ronnie's T-shirt.

Ellie was sobbing so hard that at some point it was difficult for her to breath. Her body was shaking and it wasn't easy to hold her, but Ronnie didn't let go.

How could she ever let go of the only person she loved? How could she leave Ellie when she needed her the most?

"Shhhh. It's okay. Everything will be alright. We'll go through it"

Ronnie wasn't sure what may happen. She still had a lot of questions and was uncertain about many things. It felt as if two completely different realities had just collided, but, somehow, she just knew that nothing could ever tear the two of them apart.

#dr ellie staple #ellie staple x ronnie #You are enough #sarah paulson #sarah paulson imagine #glass #the end

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boopdoopsmemes · 5 years

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Falsettos sentence starters - Act 1

Feel free to change Pronouns as needed.

152 to choose from

“I’m bitching, he’s bitching.”

“What do they do for love?”

“What we need is a miracle.”

“We need to know our worst sides aren't ignored.”

“Where is the bed?”

“Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch now and then.”

“I do not wish to offend.”

“I want a tight knit family.”

“We don’t go by the book.”

“I love my tight knit family.”

“I swear we’re gonna come through it.”

“I was right! I contusion the fall.”

“Sit down my dear, I hear you have a problem.”

“Love isn’t sex.”

“You’ll find me understanding.”

“He told me how he loved me how he needed and/or valued me.”

“Love is blind, love can tell a million stories.”

“Love’s unkind, spiteful in a million ways.”

“Petty petty petty petty.”

“I think she’s very insecure.. but so am I.”

“I admit, I admire you.”

“Hand up all your clothes.”

“God you’re impossible!”

“Every thing he owns is vile.”

Men from France can cancel a debt. Men in cuff links make me forget my name.”

“When he pushes, I pull.”

“Passion dies.”

“Love me.”

“What I covet I keep.”

”I would kill for that thrill of first love.”

“I think games are.. i thin chess is the most beautiful thing. Not love.”

“Do you love him?”

“He makes me smile a lot.”

“Just enjoy what you can.”

“I think he’s sort of kind of.. mean.”

“Love the friend not the heal.”

“There’s a few more things we need explore.”

“Perhaps she held back love from you.”

“Does not sleep nude... okay.”

“What should I do now?”

“Why not me?”

We stand together, but stand there looking miles apart.”

“I don’t live the life of a normal child.”

“I’m too smart for my own good, and I’m too good for my sorry little life.”

“Sweetheart I worry, sweetheart I do.”

“What is normal?”

“You and I must trust our emotions..”

“No I won’t go! I will not go!”

“If intelligence were the only criteria than I literally wouldn't need a psychiatrist, would I?”

“Late for dinner, late again.”

“This is going now where and fast.”

“I’m not responsible.”

“This had better come to and end!”

“Don’t ask me questions, I’m frightened of questions.”

“Witch to you prefer I lust for; brains or money?”

“Love me, please. Or break my heart.”

“This has been a lousy but fabulous flop.”

“You’ve got a temper that redefines temper.”

“I’d like to be a princess on a thrown.”

“I’m sure he’s sure he did his best.”

“I’m breaking down.”

“If I repeat one more word, I swear I’ll lose my brain.”

“You as me is it fun to cry over nothing? IT IS!”

“Now let’s consider what I might do next.”

“I have been deceived.”

“He’s so damn happy, that it makes me so damn mad.”

“I’m just a freak who needs it maybe every other week..”

“I’ve played the foolish clown..”

“The only thing that is breaking up is my family, but me? I’m breaking down!”

“Please come to our house..”

“What should I say to the man? Should I be mean to the man?”

“Hello to my house.”

“Oh what a lovely table, such a romantic table.”

“I do not eat at all in times like these.”

“What do I do? What to I say? How do I act? What do I hope for?”

“If love isn’t blind what do I see?”

“So you feel alright for about 10 minutes, feel alright for 20 minutes!”

“Why don’t you feel alright for the rest of your life?”

“Why is he always here?”

“Try to forget all things homely, try to forget all things snide.”

“Her hand is ready, it only need’s a ring.”

“Stop! Look around you.”

“I love you dear. I think you’re swell.”

“There’s not a man in pants who could love you the same as I.”

“Just like a biblical brother.. did to his biblical brother. Back in.. biblical.. times.”

“I’ll love you until I die.”

“I don’t wanna cause a stink.”

“I should worry what he says, like his words could hurt me worse.”

“I know you’ll come through it.”

“I can’t believe she loves you.”

“I got it all.”

“I just got a family.”

“I’m tiered of all the happy men who rule the world.”

“I’d like the chance to hide in that world.”

“I’m listening to all these men who aren't quite men yet but aren’t boys.”

“They sometimes love, but not enough.”

“It’s crazy how they’re acting.”

“I’m tired, so tiered.”

“Stupid, charming men. Silly, childish, jerks.”

“Wee!”

“Come’er”

“PPPttthh. OOps.”

“We’re lacking in maturity.”

“Don’t get scared! Don’t be tight!”

“Marching home!”

“I’ll commit, that’s agreed.”

“I’ll beat the odds, I’ll have good sex!”

“That’s the king.”

“Please don’t watch me, I can do it.”

“Do you want my help?”

“Move a pawn.”

“Who?”

“Life’s a sham and every move is wrong.”

“Winning is everything to me.”

“Good first move.”

“Take my hand.”

“Play the game.”

“Maybe we should call it quits.”

“[Name] Wins! Checkmate!”

“Anyone understand all I wants a kiss!”

“Don’t start explaining! I’m sick of explaining!”

“What it needs is people. Men and women talking.”

“Visit when you please, you are not required to phone.”

“This is the price, making believe.”

“Could he love me?”

“I’ve a good and a bad side, but the’re one in the same.”

“I screw every morning, then bathe and drink tea.”

“It’s tough with love, love’s tough to show.”

“Ask me if I love him.. it depends on the day.”

“It hurts not to love him. It hurts when love fades!”

“Ask me if I need him. Get him out of my way!”

“Thank you for sending this.”

“You say you’ll love him until you both die!”

“He’s sweet.. and he’s warm. And he loves me so!”

“You are trying to ruin my sleep!”

“I’m sure you choose him to make me look bad!”

“How could you ever deny what we had!”

“He’s mean..”

“Do I love him? No.”

[Hits]

“I never wanted to love you.”

“You should know I’m not ashamed to have loved you.”

“God I’m distressed.”

“I love the things I never had.”

“I never wanted till death do we two part.”

“I only wanted to see my face in yours.”

“I think girls are the most beautiful thing.”

“What I’ve done to you is rotten.”

“Marching in time to a tune I’d forgotten.”

“This here is love, when we’re talking face to face.”

“I for one would take love slower.”

“You’ll be kid, a man kid, if nothing goes wrong.”

#ask meme #rp meme #starter meme #sentence starters #jesus this is a mess of goofy and painful #just wait for act two

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creativity-is-rebellion · 4 years

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Top 10 Favourite Movies I Have Seen (So Far)

How to Make an American Quilt (1994)

I’m not sure exactly why, but I have always had a thing for intergenerational movies that go back and forth in time, which I think that this movie does superbly. You get to know each of the character’s backstories, and it is also a coming-of-age film where the main protagonist must choose a path and be happy with the one she goes down. This was a film I would watch again and again as a teenager when I was sad (movie marathons were always the cure for my blues back then). More recently, there are other reasons why this movie appeals to me; I can relate to Finn’s thesis-writing (I know it’s frustrating and easy to distract yourself from), and I can also relate with her dilemma in choosing what kind of future she will have. Also, Winona Ryder can do no wrong. Winona forever.

The Joy Luck Club (1993)

Another intergenerational film, I think it does a great job of juxtaposing the difference between parents who immigrate to another country and their children who do not really understand the sacrifices they have made to actually get there, which can cause rifts and divides. It does this specifically with the Chinese culture in mind, which is fascinating in its own right, and quite different to the US, which is where they immigrate to. The daughters who try to understand their mothers are able to bridge the divide when they are able to empathise with where their parents are coming from, by the parents telling them tales of their origins. My favourite character is hands-down Ying-Ying St. Clair, whose backstory is definitely the most tragic. In China, Ying-Ying was happily married to Lin-Xiao (Russell Wong) with a baby boy in China until Lin-Xiao abuses her and abandons her for an opera singer. Overwhelmed by her depression, Ying-Ying begins to dissociate and accidentally drowns their baby son in the bathtub during one of these episodes, which haunts her ever afterwards. Years later, she has emigrated to America and suffers from trauma of her past, worrying her new family, including her daughter Lena. When she is able to get Lena find her voice and to leave her own abusive husband, Harold. I have nothing but love for this film, which breathes life into Amy Tan’s equally beautiful novel. This film adaptation does the novel proud; It’s well-acted, well-told, and simply just heart-warming.

Sinister (2008)

I love myself a good horror movie, and Sinister flips the script by starting out as a crime mystery before going bananas and introducing Mr. Boogie (or Bughuul), a pagan demon who manipulates the lives of children, having them kill their families, until he can consume the child's soul. Ethan Hawke, who both directs and stars in this film, does a phenomenal acting job as washed-up crime author Ellison Oswalt, who moves his family into one of the homes which was the scene of one of the ‘crimes’, where a whole family has been massacred and one child is missing. It isn’t long until he finds a bunch of 8mm tapes in the attic, which represent the equivalent of snuff films, detailing previous family massacres occurring elsewhere. Seriously, some of these 8mm tapes are both difficult but strangely thrilling to watch, due to their haunting quality. It takes him a while before he becomes aware of Bughuul, who he discovers hiding in the corner of one of the tapes, and who he is able to get to know about with the help of a rookie cop and a professor. The ending is also a delicious twist, and indicates the inevitability of not being able to escape evil. Seriously, it’s a must-watch, as it breathes rare new life into the tired horror genre.

Insidious, Chapter One (2010)

Another worthy 21st century horror addition, the Insidious franchise (especially the first film) delivers some great twists, and creates a rich universe way beyond any ordinary haunted house or child-plagued-by-demon trope, by introducing some genuinely scary characters (The Lipstick Demon, Doll Girl, and the Bride in Black, anyone?!), and also introducing The Further, a dark and timeless astral world filled with tortured dead souls and nightmarish spirits. I love the twist that the end of this movie delivers, and also the appropriate jump-scares throughout. It is yet another horror movie that breathes life into a somewhat tired genre. 10/10, I highly recommend this movie, even if The Lipstick Demon looks kinda like Darth Maul, lol.

Reality Bites (1994)

Although it’s kind of aged badly, due to advancing technology, this movie was one of the first to introduce the idea of reality television, whilst also capturing the zeitgeist of Generation X, with it’s rather nihilist message about life after college, and the trials and tribulations of growing up. Some of the characters (especially Lelaina and Troy) are self-indulgent, immature, intellectually snobby and navel-gazing, but you root for Lelaina to succeed because she is played with enough sympathy by the amazing and incomparable Winona Ryder that we believe she deserves better. This is one of the reasons I hate that she ends up with Troy, even if he is the broody bad boy we are all expected to swoon over. Seriously, he treats Lelaina so badly that I just want to punch him in the face. It also has some great side characters, like Vicky, who works at The Gap, but is scared to find a real job, and Sammy, who is gay and afraid that he may have HIV. It is also relatable for me as a Millenial who graduated from university when the Global Financial Crisis (GFC) hit, making it complicated to find a good job, mirroring the recession that these characters graduated into. I love that it talks about pivotal Generation X issues, as well as universal issues that encompass growing up and moving into adulthood. Also, again, Winona forever.

Candyman (1992)

Candyman is a horror film that subverts horror movie expectations whilst still managing to deliver some great scares. Being set in the long-gone notorious Chicago housing projects Cabrini Green, a name synonymous with vice, violence and murder, and a place which instils non-supernatural horror in an individual all on its own, tells the story of thesis student Helen, who is researching urban legends, and through her participants, she learns the story of Candyman, a vengeful rendition of the classic Bloody Mary, who will split you from groin to gullet with his hook for a hand if you say his name five times in the mirror.

The people who recount this legend go on to recount a notorious murder that has taken place recently in Cabrini Green which has been attributed to Candyman, and Helen chooses to investigate the claim. Helen rationalises that the residents of Cabrini Green use the legend of Candy Man to cope with their stressful daily lives. Before visiting Cabrini Green, Helen and her research associate decide to test the theory by saying ‘Candy Man’ five times in a mirror, but nothing happens, at least not yet. In real life, the murder rate in Cabrini Green peaked in 1992, the same year that Candy Man was made. Candy Man himself (played with great aplomb by the legendary Tony Todd) doesn’t show up until around 44 minutes into the movie, but when he does, he steals the show with his dangerous charisma.

In total, Candy Man subverts 3 horror rules: Number one, that you need to have a high body count to keep audiences engaged. By doing so, it stretches out the tension for as long as it can. Number two, there is a Black antagonist. There were some issues addressed by Black critics that this depiction played into some racist stereotypes, such as the idea that Black people need a White saviour, that Black people are especially superstitious, and that Black men prefer to pursue White women. But one could say that Candy Man is more a depiction of the White fears associated with Black poverty, and specifically, White Liberal fears that Black poverty can’t be helped, despite their best efforts. Helen doesn’t mean any harm (some may even call her an ally), yet she dies anyway.

By making the antagonist Black, the film becomes about so much more than just visceral horror, it is about societal, racial and historical horror as well, albeit told from a White perspective. It also plays into the fear that Black people, through no fault of their own, could be killed for no reason at all but panicky neighbours. Finally, number three, this film is more sad than scary; sadness tends to be the most common negative emotion that I experience, so I am drawn to movies that have something to say about it. The only reason Candy Man gives for wanting to kill Helen is that she demystified him, which seems pretty petty and vindictive. She is also supposed to resemble his long-lost love that got him killed in the first place. When Candy Man kills the psychiatrist in the movie, it is literally the only on-screen proof we have that Candy Man isn’t just a figment of Helen’s imagination. Candy Man, like my most favourite horror film, The Shining, begs the question: Are there really supernatural elements at play here, or is the main character simply going insane? Phew, this was more than I planned to write, but I guess this film is complex enough to warrant it. See it for yourself.

Final Destination (2000)

As time wore on, the Final Destination franchise became more well-known for its gruesome deaths (and tired plot) than anything else, but the first addition was a fresh take on the inescapability of death, and the vengance Death Itself may take if you screw with his Design. The first 15 minutes of the film are truly thrilling through the main character Alex’s premonition, and the wait after the gang have been kicked off the airline for the plane to blow up without them on board. Seriously, that scene gave me aerophobia more than any Air Crash Investigation episode. What follows are some truly twisted, macabre domino-like deaths that prove that Death has a wicked, dark sense of humour. That every character in this franchise dies eventually is kind of disappointing, and definitely places Death in this franchise as possibly the most diabolical villain in all of the horror genre (move over, Jason and Michael and Freddy). The mysterious undertaker played with delightful maliciousness again by Tony Todd adds to the mystery of understanding Death’s Design. and the reality that no matter what the survivors do, Death will eventually come for them, really adds to the overall hopelessness and nihilism of the whole situation. The way that the last film of the Final Destination franchise, which is really a prequel to the first film, rounded out the franchise really well, and provided a twist as good as the original film was epic. If you are going to watch any of the films in this franchise, I cannot recommend the first and last film enough.

Now and Then (1996)

I love this film more for the cheesy, feel-good memories of my childhood it gives me. Christina Ricci is also one of my all-time favourite actresses (I absolutely loved her as Wednesday Addams), which just bolsters this movie in my eyes. Thora Birch does a good job as well. But seriously, I can pop this movie on any time and it’ll just make me instantly happy for a simpler era. Even if I wasn’t born in the 60′s or 70′s, there is a lot to relate to about bridging the gaps between childhood and the inevitable teen cross-over. I mean, who didn’t have seances in graveyards with their friends as a 12-year-old girl? No-one?! Just me then. OK. Ahem. I think my favourite character was hands-down Gabby Hoffman’s Sam, who is trying to cope with her parent’s divorce in a town and time when divorce is unheard of. I like that her grown-up character played by Demi Moore is a successful writer, and is also the narrator of the entire movie. If you want to watch a truly feel-good movie that promotes feminist ideals, this movie is for you.

IT: Chapter One (2017)

Since I watched the 1990 TV miniseries in 1992 at the tender age of 7 (my parents never monitored what I watched - which sometimes led to some gnarly nightmares), I have been waiting for a worthy remake. I, like most of the aficionados that watched the miniseries, loved Tim Curry’s rendition of the demonic entity of IT, but weren’t quite happy about the spider ending. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean. You may be asking why I haven’t included Chapter Two that came out this year (2019), and the reason is, despite Bill Hader’s wonderful performance as the grown-up Ritchie, a cameo by Stephen King himself, and more screen-time for Bill Skarsgaard’s scary clown, the ending here was also disappointing. IT’s true form just doesn’t seem to translate well onto screen. It was adequate. Meh. Anywho.

IT Chapter One, however, is awesome. Instead of jumping back-and-forth in time like both the mini-series and the book did, it focuses on the well-acted ‘Loser’s Club’ as kids, and is truly scary like this story should be. The bully Henry Bowers is truly sociopathic, and Bill Skarsgaard as IT truly nails the fact that IT is so much more than just a killer clown. The death scene with Georgie at the beginning of the film is quite subversive and daring, as it actually shows you the death of a child in all its gory detail. My verdict? Watch the first with gusto, but do not expect anything great from Part Two. Part Two has to exist for continuity, but the first film outshines the second installment in every way possible.

Lady Bird (2017)

For an Indie sleeper film, this story is fantastic as both a coming-of-age film and a depiction of separating from your parents and becoming your own person. Ladybird’s mum is overprotective, and Ladybird needs to break free, whilst also trying not to cause a permanent rift. She’s a different kind of gal, sensitive, intelligent, artistic, and so not meant for a dead-end small town. Her transition toward independence is extremely relatable to me, as I grew up with an over-bearing, interfering mother myself. Also, it’s set in 2002, the year I graduated, with adds to my feelings of nostalgia. It’s the relatablity of Ladybird that makes it so re-watchable to me. I grew up in a dead-end town, was creative and different to my peers, and went to a fancy private school that I didn’t fit into as well. So Ladybird is a cinematic delight as you see her progress to something more hopeful in the future. A must-watch.

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ao719 · 6 years

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At Destiny’s Mercy- A Little Too Much (Part 1)

Title/Song inspiration: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvv6OkU874k

Characters belong to Pixelberry

A/N: A/U-MC never met Leo and he was never married. All events leading up to and during engagement tour happened—Tariq was never found.

Summary: Hailey Collins left Cordonia returning home to New York, leaving the love of her life behind. Now, two years later, the revelation of a friends background reunites them again, but her circumstances are much different.

Warnings: This series contains NSFW content and domestic violence. If you read, you acknowledge that you are over the age of 18.

Masterlist

@leelee10898 @cocomaxley @hopefulmoonobject @annekebbphotography @furiousherringoperatortoad @mynameiskaylabella @katurrade @umccall71 @riseandshinelittleblossom @speedyoperarascalparty @bobasheebaby @mrsernestsinclaire @blackcatkita @zaffrenotes @sweetest-marbear @mrsdrakewalkerblog @jared2612 @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @wannabemc2 @lodberg @hhiggs @alj4890 @marywrites-things @missevabean @ranishajay @h3llostrang3r @sstee1 @fullbeaumonty @stopforamoment @sarwin85 @gardeningourmet @smalltalk88 @romanticatheart-posts @jyreusser85 @indiacater

A special shoutout to @speedyoperarascalparty for all your help and writing the session!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hailey stood there looking at Madeline, and she suddenly felt really anxious, her heart began to race and a lump formed in her throat.

“Oh...h-hello, Madeline.”

“Hailey...” she stared at her, “it’s...nice to see you again. May I cut in, I need to discuss something with my ex-husband.”

“Oh...of-ofcourse...” she glanced at Liam before walking off the dance floor and up to the bar. She ordered a glass of whiskey just as Drake and Olivia walked up to her.

“What does she-devil want?” Drake asked glaring over at her and Liam’s direction.

“She asked to cut in...said she needed to speak to her ex-husband,” Hailey blinked back the tears, not wanting to cry in front of Drake and Olivia. She didn’t even know why she was so upset about it. Seeing Madeline had this crazy affect over her, one that she wasn’t expecting.

“That little...” Olivia griped. “You ok, Hailey?”

“I’m fine,” she took a sip of her drink, Olivia noticing her hands were trembling. Just then Liam came over to them.

“Hailey, I’m so sorry.” He kissed her cheek.

“It’s ok.”

“What the hell did she want?” Olivia asked.

“She wanted to talk about the council, and that empty building down in the capitol and what we’re doing with it. She used the ‘ex-husband’ line just to get under her skin,” he shook his head. “Are you alright?” He asked Hailey. She threw back the rest of her drink, and nodded as she put the glass on the bar. Olivia looked at Hailey, wondering if this idea she had thought about would help, and if she would do it.

That night Hailey sat in her room at the hotel, when she heard a knock on her door. She got up to open it and saw Olivia standing there.

“Hey, Liv.”

“Hailey,” she smiled, as she walked in the room. “I....I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Ok...” they both sat on the bed.

“After hearing what you went through, everything that you’ve endured...I can tell that you’re, understandably so, still dealing with what happened to you. I see you looking anxious and nervous, you’re jumpy...and Liam told me about your nightmares. I had a friend back in Lythikos that went through something similar. And it really helped her to talk about it. I know you may not like the idea of talking to any of us, and I know you’re having a hard time opening up to Liam. You know we’re all here if you ever needed to talk, but if you just don’t feel comfortable, I wanted to suggest for you to talk to someone. A professional. To help you through it.”

Hailey stared at Olivia. She was touched by her concern, and her understanding about what she was going through, but she didn’t really think talking to some stranger was going to help. How was she going to open up to someone she didn’t know, if she couldn’t open up to the people she was close with?

“Liv...I don’t know if that-“

“You don’t have to tell me...I have the contact information for someone I know. If you choose to talk to them, ok.” She handed her a card with a psychiatrists name on it from back in Cordonia. “Just...think about it, it really might help...more than you think.” She smiled and left the room. Hailey sat on the bed staring down at the business card in her hand. Would it help?

They arrived back in Cordonia and a few days later, Hailey found herself sitting in the waiting area of an office. Anxious. Nervous. Not knowing what to expect. She heard the door open and her name called. She nervously rose from her seat, standing, and slowly walked to the doorway, meeting a friendly looking face smiling at her.

“Welcome, Hailey. I’m Dr. Murphy, but you can call me Pam. Please have a seat.” She motioned in the room.

Hailey entered the warm office. There was a large couch and two cozy chairs, and the office was decorated in warm brown tones and calming pictures on the walls, the room lit by a warm glow of lamplight. Hailey felt nervous, she had never been to see someone like this before. She decided to sit in the chair, it felt safe and cozy. The psychiatrist sat across from her, smiling warmly.

“Tell me, what brings you in today, Hailey,” she encouraged. Hailey took a tentative breath.

“Well...my friend…Olivia…she thought maybe it would be a good idea, but...I’m not so sure.” Pam nodded.

“That’s ok. How about you tell me why Olivia thought it might be a good idea.” Hailey fidgeted with a string on her sweater, her eyes trained down.

“I sort of went through something with my ex-boyfriend,” she looked up and shrugged, “I guess it’s still impacting me.” Pam nodded.

“In what way do you feel your experiences with him are still impacting you?” Hailey took a deep breath.

“He…um…hurt me. And ever since I’ve been having a hard time sleeping. I have a lot of nightmares. I get really…jumpy…when people touch me or if they sneak up on me. I feel scared more than I have before, nervous?” Again, Pam nodded.

“You must have really experienced some upsetting events to leave that type of impact on you, Hailey. Is that something you would like to talk about?” Hailey nodded and began talking.

The first time

Hailey and Adam were out at the bar celebrating one of his friends birthdays, and per usual, Adam got a little carried away with the drinks. They hadn’t been dating long at that point, but she was able to quickly pick up the change in him the minute alcohol hit his lips. He made sure to not let Hailey stray too far from him, gripping her hand tightly, or pulling her hard to his side, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist. While standing at the bar, Hailey saw her old friend and co-worker, Daniel, walk in. She hadn’t seen him since before she left for Cordonia. Her face lit up and she wriggled her hand from Adams grip, and walked up to Daniel giving him a hug. They stood there talking for a bit catching up when Adam stalked up to her, his face contorted in anger.

“Who the hell is this?”

“This is Daniel, we used to work together. Daniel, this is my boyfriend, Adam.”

“Hi! Nice to meet you!” Daniel grinned, and stuck his hand out to shake Adams. Adam just stared at him for a moment before turning his gaze to Hailey.

“We’re leaving, now. Lets go.” He grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her away, as she gave Daniel an apologetic look.

They got back to Haileys apartment after catching a cab from the bar, and she was annoyed by Adams behavior towards Daniel.

“Seriously, what the hell was that tonight, Adam?” Hailey asked, tossing her keys onto the table.

“You fucking tell me? Walking up to some random guy and hugging him?”

“He’s not random! He’s an old friend!”

“You don’t need any guy friends!” He shouted.

“Adam, I can be friends with whoever I choose to be friend-“ before Hailey could finish Adam shoved her hard into the wall. He’d only done that to her a couple times before, but not like this. Not with that much force, and not while looking at her the way he was. He looked crazed. “Adam!” she yelled as she moved from the wall.

“Shut the fuck up!” His backslap came hard across Haileys face, causing her to let out a whimper as she fell to the floor. Her heart began to race. He’d never done that before. She held her hand to her cheek, the other hand on the floor holding herself up, as she began to silently cry, unsure of what to do. “I’ll say it again, you don’t need any guy friends in your life! You fucking embarrassed me tonight in front of my friends! Trying to act like a little slut!” Suddenly his foot came flying to Haileys side, kicking her hard as she crumpled to the floor in a fetal position.

“Adam...please....stop.” She cried out, holding her arms across her stomach.

“Shut your fucking mouth, Hail!” He grabbed her by the arm pulling her up from the floor, pushing her back against the wall, his hand around her neck. “You ever do that again, and this will be much worse next time. You belong to me, do you fucking understand?” Hailey quickly shook her head yes, fear rippling through her. He pushed her again to the side, as she fell to the floor once more, and he headed for the door and left. Hailey sat there on the floor, her knees to her chest as the silent sobs escaped her.

Hailey finished telling Pam her story, tears streaming down her face.

“Tell me how you felt when Adam first hurt you?” Pam asked.

“Scared...angry...betrayed. I couldn’t believe he actually did that. He had shoved me before, but always apologized and I really thought it was just an accident, his emotions getting away from him. But that time, he was different. I could see that he actually wanted to hurt me.” Pam nodded.

“And how did he apologize this time?”

“He sent flowers, said how sorry he was and that it woud never happen again. Things were better for awhile. I thought maybe it was just a one time thing,” she shrugged, “I was wrong.”

“Hailey, what you are describing is the cycle of violence. It occurs in almost all violent relationships.” She pulled a piece of paper from her filing cabinet handing it to Hailey. It showed a circle and described tension building, violent incident, reconciliation and calm that leads back into tension building. Hailey studied the diagram. It was exactly what would happen with Adam. She looked up at Pam nodding.

“This...this is what woud happen,” Hailey said.

“It’s how he kept you in the relationship. It’s a cycle that makes the person hurt believe that things will change, be different. But overtime, the calm and reconcilliation phase get shorter and shorter and the violence often gets more and more severe.” Hailey nodded in agreement.

“That’s...what happened...” she looked down again at the paper, “It actually really helps to see this....to understand better why I didn’t just leave.”

“How does it feel to talk about all of this, Hailey?”

“Nervous...but a little relieved to talk about it. Afraid the nightmares might be worse.”

“I am going to write you a prescription for the nightmares. It’s not addictive, and is often prescribed for people with PTSD. It will help decrease the nightmares until we can work through some of the feelings in here. Then they will likely decrease on their own.” Hailey nodded. “I think this was a really good start, Hailey. We are going to talk more next week about techniques to manage the anxiety, ways to challenge your thinking and some grounding techniques,” she smiled. Hailey and Pam stood as the session came to a clase.

“Just one more question, Hailey. Are there times when your feelings from the relationship are stronger...more difficult to manage?”

“When I’m with Liam...”

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