#i don't know what to do i can't get unstuck i feel like i'm being fucking possessed by a demon of sloth or something (idk i'm not catholic)

[mrsmarlasinger]

Hmmmmmmmm quick question! What do you do when your executive dysfunction has reached such a critical state that you:

are actively ignoring things you desperately need to do

are ghosting your employers (even though you can make it all go away by doing the one thing you most need to do: send an email and QUIT)

have almost three dozen notifications that you can't even bring yourself to look at

completely unironically have done nothing but sleep and flip between two apps for days

are fucking up your professional/financial future even though you need to move out in a matter of months

✨and✨

are paralyzed by anxiety that keeps mounting to increasingly unsustainable heights

YET

you GENUINELY CANNOT figure out how to PHYSICALLY FORCE YOUR BODY to do the (extremely short, extremely important) list of things you keep telling yourself you're going to do

because at this point you can't even shower or change the clothes you've been wearing for days on end?

Asking for a friend. I'm the friend.

#i'm actually really really scared at this point #i don't know what to do i can't get unstuck i feel like i'm being fucking possessed by a demon of sloth or something (idk i'm not catholic) #the last time this happened THIS badly was a year ago in my last semester of college #i literally was not going to graduate bc I couldn't finish my online course and i was every day paralyzed with fear but i COULDN'T #eventually i sat down once for 8 hrs straight and once for 27 hrs straight and knocked it out in two sittings. how did i do that #i feel like i have no control over myself. all i am all the time is tired and miserable and scared and i can't stop sleeping i just can't #i sleep through every single day and i can't stop it. i can't even stop myself from eating chips and candy and fucking bullshit like that #i'm literally just in what feels like a crisis but it's the most static passive crisis on earth and looks from the outside like NOTHING #like you talk to me and think i'm fine and just being really lazy but inside i am panicking and i hate myself but i'm STUCK #idk what to do like i honestly wish i had meth or coke at this point lol. anything to force my brain out of this fucking static haze #i think i'll pound some kratom. red to gloss over the anxiety‚ white for energy. just parachute a couple grams and cure it. i hope. #god you have no idea what i'd do just to get off tumblr and reddit for ten minutes #personal #executive dysfunction #adhd #depression #actually adhd #actually depressed #untreated adhd #vent #vent tw #vent cw #tw vent #cw vent #mental illness #mental illness tw

[diagonal-queen]

Your blog is very safe, me thinks. Very comfort, if that makes sense lol. I have a request, feel free to ignore this but I can't help but to wonder what a few BSD men would be like with a very mature/maternal and responsible s/o who tends to put themsleves last and burn themselves out (preferably fem, as I am an older sister who has taken on the role of caregiver and project HEAVILY) I'd like to see Fyodor, Poe, Ranpo and Jouno. (You can throw in anyone else if you want)

BSD boys with a self-sacrificing girlfriend

♡ pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, Ranpo Edogawa, Saigiku Jouno x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are they with a caring and self-sacrificing girlfriend?

♡ cw: Swearing, use of fem titles, she/her pronouns, mentions of stress and burnout.

note: Thank you for the sweet message anon <3 it's truly a shame that you and i are the exact same person who have experienced the exact same burden of raising children we didn't choose to have. but i've moved out now so i'm free!! come live with me queen tf we're besties now. apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fyodor:

Fyodor is a trad man. I'm sure he has some weird beliefs about how women are supposed to have some normalised feminine traits, but this is too much even for him.

It really pains him to see you be so selfless, truly. Though he admires your kindness and patience, he just wants you to be content. He wants you to be comfortable.

Does he enjoy having what is basically a personal maid around? Yes, yes he does. Does he feel guilty for feeling that? No. But does he recognise that your current self-sacrificing routine is unhealthy? YES HE DOES.

So...he simply does not make you do anything at all. If you want to do something for him that's on you.

If you want to do something for someone *else*, he probably won't really let you. Unless it's like family or something, then he understands, but no, you're not helping that random child get their kite unstuck from that tree no matter how much you want to, myshka.

Fyodor absolutely doesn't involve you in his work. He knows that'll only stress you out more, and that's the last thing you need. As such he keeps you away from his coworkers (especially Mykola. Sorry Mykola lovers)

He comes to value his time spent relaxing with you, because he also acknowledges that he could use a break every now and then as well. There's nothing quite as comforting to him as lounging around alongside you- you don't have to be talking or even doing the same thing, as long as you're there together.

Listen, Fyodor does care about you, and he values your health and wants you to be relaxed and uncaring as much as is possible. But if you, his sweet woman, wants to make him a cup of tea, who is he to turn you down?

Poe:

I don't know exactly how to explain Poe here. Just hear me out

He is genuinely so like stressed and anguished about your lack of self-preservation in favour of caring about others. He constantly thinks about it and writes tragic poems about it and shit

Like he's like 'my love......she does not see herself as i do, as a beautiful star....with every act of kindness her light dims ever so slightly...until she's reduced to nothing.........the irony of the good deeds of man..............;-;'

HE'S SO SAD OKAY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WANTS TO SEE YOU RELAX FOR ONCE

He will go all out in his attempts to make you feel calm and comfortable and happy. Oh he will buy you SO many presents it's disgusting. He will rent out whole restaurants and like even theme parks and shit if that's your thing. He'll stop at no lengths to give you some respite, and it's honestly quite sweet

All that being said, he does love that you're so attentive and caring about Karl. He's definitely watched you play with him and then started blushing super hard because the word 'parents' suddenly crossed his mind and now he's thinking about children and aaaaaa

ABSOLUTELY writes a scenario in which you can relax. Whatever you want- an empty beach, a forest, a liminal space, he'll write it all for you, and gift you the book so you can go there whenever you want :>

He's basically a sugar daddy, except you're in an actual relationship and it's not all about the money. Your boyfriend just happens to be loaded as fuck

At the end of the day, Poe is such a hypocrite because he himself is such a workaholic that he practically lets it consume him, too!

You're both absolute messes. Drink some water and sleep for god's sake. And for the love of all things good take care of each other.

Ranpo:

Bro knows exactly what's up. Sorry, he's got you all figured out fr

That doesn't mean he won't let you baby him though. At first. He'll just let you, along with everyone else, clean up after him and buy him shit

BUT soon, soon he realises that this behaviour is rather detrimental to your health. He sees the circles under your eyes, he notices these things. And he's like '...oh shit'

Ranpo doesn't have any shame or reservations. He straight up confronts you about it. 'Why don't you ever take care of yourself?' And he's not playing around this time

And no matter what your excuse is, he's like 'not good enough. We're going to get ice cream RIGHT NOW and you're going to talk to me about this. Now lead me to the ice cream parlour immediately'

(I may or may not be paraphrasing this particular quote)

The point is that he presents you an avenue to open up about your struggles, stress and psyche. And he really does want to help- the fact that he gets ice cream out of this is just a bonus

From here on out he'll keep an eye out for you. Every time you find yourself getting overworked or burning out he'll make you take a break. This could be a nap or sending you home or a surprise outing- anything to get your mind off work and people.

Ranpo is a stickler for the rules, sure, but he's also lazy as shit. Any time he doesn't feel like working, you're now not allowed to work either. You have to hang out with him or else (he'll be a little sad)

He doesn't necessarily introduce any...permanent solutions to your predicament, but he does have you looking forward to your couples-down time each day, and that's something!

Over time, you do learn to balance yourself and external responsibilities. And he will absolutely be taking credit for it lmao

Jouno:

Jouno is very...self-important, we'll say. Not like, completely selfish or anything, but very much tends to prioritise his own opinions and time and such.

You make him do a complete reassessment and breakdown of all of his thoughts and beliefs he's built up over the course of his lifetime

/j but really, you're unbelievably different from him. You're both willing to put yourself in danger or wear yourselves down, but *you* don't have anatomical medical adjustments that practically make you invincible.

Jouno wants to protect you- and he's not willing to negotiate. He's not letting anyone hurt you, even if on accident. He's especially not willing to let anybody take advantage of your generous nature, which is probably more likely anyway.

He's such a scary dog actually (lol get it?? get it cause he's one of the Hunting Dogs? DO YOU GET IT-) he'll accompany you anywhere if you ask him to.

When he wants to do something for you, he will do it. You're not lifting a finger miss girl

Like he really will take care of you! When he's off work, of course. His job is kind of important, but you best believe you're getting pampered when Jouno is off the clock.

My mans is romantic as FUCK: cooking you nice dinners, reading to you before bed, massages, cuddles- as well as engaging in your interests alongside you of course

He just thinks it's so cute to see you engrossed in something that YOU enjoy, and will encourage your down time

Jouno is gonna make sure that you take care of yourself too, because when he's not around, who better to look after anybody than you? That's the most important thing to him.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd fanfic #bsd fanfiction #bsd headcanons #bsd hcs #fanfic #fanfiction #fluff headcanons #bsd fluff #headcanons #hcs #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bungo stray dogs fanfic #x reader #bsd x reader #x female reader #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x reader #fyodor headcanons #bsd poe #edgar allan poe #poe x reader #poe headcanons #bsd ranpo #ranpo edogawa #ranpo x reader #ranpo headcanons

[d10nyx]

Hi pookie bear… its ur favorite anon again..

Hear me out, Step brother! Leon whos dear innocent little step sister gets stuck somewhere (interesting position..) and leon cant help himself when he sees her predicament so he takes advantage of the situation and the fact that she asked him to help her get unstuck. (maybe a threat of leaving her stuck at some point, its up 2 u bbg)

ily snoogle 😍🫶

hello to... my favourite anon omg. if you say so it must be true :3

i'm hearing you out!! idk why but silly porn tropes make me giggle sometimes... listen don't analyse the logistics of acc being able to get stuck like this. i see how much space there is under the dumb beds girlies get stuck under in porn we all know it doesn't make sense

ILY EVEN MORE POOKIE... here's a drabble for you :3

nsfw below the cut - tw: stepcest, brief dub-con, leon is a little mean :((

"What the-" Leon's footsteps falter as he walks past you, stopping to take in the predicament you've gotten yourself into. He snorts out a laugh as he sees you, and you can practically sense that dumb smirk plastered on his face despite not being able to see him.

Having an ottoman bed was usually great. Your room was the smallest(Leon had promised to make your life a living hell if you took the bigger one) so having the extra space was nice. You just had to lift the slats and mattress up and boom! Free storage unit.

Of course, you're not that lucky, so the stupid thing failed on you and snapped shut with you still leaning over to look for stuff, trapping you inside. Your whole upper body was incased, and the angle was so awkward you couldn't get any leverage to push the damn thing open again.

"Leon!" You breathe out, feeling relief that someone had found you. You thought you'd be stuck under here forever. "Jesus, thank fuck. Can you help me get out of here?"

"You know, as much as I'd love to help you," He starts, steeping closer until he's right behind you. His hands settle on your hips, giving them a little squeeze. Your breath hitches at the contact, and you try to squirm away from his touch.

"I think you could stand to stay there a little longer." He finishes, his fingers brushing the waistband of your shorts.

"Leon... dude." You hiss, trying to squirm away from his touch. His hands have your cheeks burning up, your brows furrowed in confusion. "This isn't funny! What the hell are you doing?"

"What am I doing?" He repeats, letting out another laugh as he starts to slowly tug your shorts down. You can feel his gaze locked onto you as he slips them down so they pool at your knees. "I'm taking advantage of the situation. It'd be a shame to let this... opportunity go to waste."

"Oppur... wait. Leon, you can't be serious! Come on, this is messed up! Just help me out!"

"No can do, sis." He hums, brushing his thumb against your panties. Damp. Looks like you were enjoying this more than you let on. "Mom and dad have gone out, so... either you stay here for the next few hours, hell... maybe even the rest of the day, or you let me have my fun, and I'll getcha out."

You pause at his words, biting your lip. You didn't really have much of a choice. Your abdomen was already aching from being pressed so harshly against the bedframe by the part of the bed that lifts. You didn't want to be here for hours.

"I-I guess... just... I don't know, Leon, I haven't..." You mumble, your voice a lot less snappy than before.

"Aww, princess... where'd your attitude go?" He coos teasingly, rubbing circles onto your clit through your panties. You jolt at the sensation, moaning softly. "My baby sis is a virgin? That's cute."

He tugs at your panties, letting them drop down with your shorts. You hear him take a sharp intake of breath in as he looks at you, his fingers spreading your puffy lips.

"Don't worry. I'm not a complete asshole. Just a small one." He says cheekily, and then you hear the dostinct sound of a belt buckle and the zipper of his jeans. A moment passes when you can hear the rustling of fabric, and then his hands are on you again.

"I won't fuck you. Yet. But I'll make us both feel good, sweetheart." He says, giving you a few light smacks to your ass.

"Okay..." You breathe out, your heart rabbiting in your chest. You swallow hard, brows furrowing as you hear him shift.

"That's a good girl." He grunts, slotting his cock between your folds. That's where he keeps it, just rutting his cock against you. You coat him in your arousal, the slick sounds of your pussy echoing in the room as you drip all over his cock. His tip brushes your clit every time his hips jerk forward, making you whine.

"You do owe me now, sweetheart." He groans, forcing your legs together so the fat of your thighs keeps his cock secure as he humps your cunt. "I better be the one to break you in. Want my cute step-sister's pussy all to myself."

"Y-yeah... all yours..." You breathe out, trying to rock your hips back to get more friction against your sensitive nub. You whimper as the change in angle has his length dragging along your folds deliciously.

"Think I watched a video like this once." He says with a huff of laughter, gripping your hips right as he chases his orgasm using your body. "Must've drained all the step-sibling content on PornHub... couldn't help myself seein' you stuck like this."

His thrusts start to grow a little sloppy, his breathing becoming more shallow. He's close already, and you're not far behind. He rolls his hips, angling himself to make sure he's giving you the friction you need.

Your body tenses as you cum with a loud moan of his name, twitching from the aftershocks. He groans and pulls away when you start whimpering from oversensitivity. You hear a few wet schlick sounds as he jerks himself off, flinching slightly when you feel his cum costing your ass and pussy.

He pulls up your shorts and panties without cleaning you off, making you cringe as they press the cum into your skin, a grimace crossing your face. You hear the sounds of him redressing before he's lifting the top of the bed, looking down at you with a cocky smirk.

"C'mon, princess. Up you get." He says, grabbing your wrist to pull you up. "And don't forget... I'll be back for more."

#leon s kennedy smut #leon s kennedy x reader #leon kennedy smut #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #resident evil smut #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x you

[goodgirl4daddy4evr]

Hypnotized lesbian sucks Priest off before her wedding

Tw: religious abuse. Are you gay? Have you been told you're going to hell for being gay? Does that trigger you?

I was given this prompt by @kingofobsidian 🥵

I was getting ready for my big day. I wasn't sure it would ever come. Or include me in a dress, marrying another woman in a dress, in her family's church. Her parents took her to a very open and affirming church that my soon to be wife felt safe coming out in when she was a teenager and now felt joy to return to so we could celebrate our love. I hadn't been to church in a while but we'd been doing counseling with the priest in preparation for marriage. He was so nice, I really felt like I could be open with him about my fears and insecurities. It helped us talk about them as a couple. We each would have our own recordings to listen to about marriage and the commitment we were making. I would always zone out listening though so I'm not sure how helpful they really were. My finance felt the same.

I was in the recreational area bathroom when I asked my maid of honor and friends to give me some time alone to reflect. My strapless dress was not staying up over my titties that well, we had to use some tape and I was fiddling with it when I noticed it in the mirror again. I'm startled out my headspace of frustration at my chest's incompatibility with strapless tops when there's a knock at the bathroom door. "Hello, Becki? It's Father Tom. I just wanted to check in on you. May I come in?"

I look at myself in the mirror, my bleached blonde hair half up, and share a confused look with myself before turning towards the door. Father Tom looked like he always did, all in black with his white collar poking out. Now that I think about, I don't remember if he has to change too. He smiles and chuckles, looking at my chest.

"Oh Becki, your dress is a little lopsided."

"Ugh, is it really that noticeable?" I turn back to the mirror and inspect the dress while I notice my worried look. Father Tom comes up behind me and I don't notice he's reaching out to touch me until he is. I look up in the mirror to see him tower above me and his hands on my shoulders. His eyes are starting at my titties in the mirror.

As if his stares could cause it, the tape finally unstuck on one side and most of my left titty popped out.

"Oh my God!" I cover my nipple. I look at him. I turn around. "Oh my- my- ah I'm sorry Father! I'm sorry I just- I'm just sorry!"

His hands came to lay on my back now and he's smiling again. "Oh Becki, sweet girl, you have nothing to apologize for." He looks into my eyes very intensely while mine are searching his face for an answer as to why.

"Remember, Becki? Remember?"

And that's when I drop my hand. I do remember. I look into Father Tom's eyes. They look so deep.

"Don't you remember, Becki? From your recordings? You know what marriage between two women is about don't you? Don't you remember, Becki?"

"It's about serving cocks together. It's when lesbians become a package deal for superior men. Women can't satisfy each other's needs. Only cock can."

"Ohh yes, you do remember, Becki."

That's when I feel myself pushed to the floor on my knees looking up at the first man I would ever service. In my wedding dress. Waiting for him to marry me to another woman.

He's unbuckling his belt as he speaks. "Now Becki, this will be just your first taste of cock. You'll be coming back every week for your sacrament, Becki, I want you to remember." His thumb rubs on my lower lip. "Now Becki, remember those recordings? I want you to think back to what they said, Becki."

"Start slow first. Lick all up and down. The wetter the better. Suck on the head. Suck on the balls. Use your hands. Open your throat."

He pets my hair before taking out his cock. I can't believe it. It's so much bigger than I thought they could be! It's like big tits! Big cocks only exist in porn! But I have big tits. Oh my god, do regular men have big cocks?

"Becki, remember..."

Father Tom moves his cock closer to my face I can't stop staring at it, it's so beautiful and I want it in my mouth so bad. I wanna suck and slobber all over it and suck his cum out so he put it all over my tits. I bounce and grind as I move forward and grab the base of his cock to lick all over his cock and get him nice and wet for my mouth.

"Oh! Becki I'm so glad your training took. I'll have to talk to your new wife after I marry you. Make sure her training took as well. You're both so beautiful. Made for taking cock. To marry you both would be sin if I did not claim you for my own. You thoughtless women denying your purposes. You should be grateful that I've saved your souls. I'm going to bless you with my holy seed and you'll need to receive this sacrament daily."

I look up with my big eyes, "Thank you, Father." and I take him in my mouth. I suck on the tip of his cock with my hand rubbing the base. I swirl my tongue around his head, tracing the part right where the head meets the shaft. When he puts his hand on the back of my head I suck him deeper. And deeper. And then my hand doesn't fit. I bob my head sucking from as close to the base as I can get to the bottom on the head and up and down and up and down. And hold. And up and down and up and down and up down. And hold.

It's when I start to juggle his balls that he grabs my head with two hands and begins to thrust in earnest. I finally understand what facefucking is. He's just using my mouth. Using my mouth to cum. He thrusts and thrusts and slows down and rolls his hips and thrusts and thrusts. Both my titties have fallen out of my dress and drool is dripping onto them from my mouth. My eyes are starting to water and it's starting to hurt. I'm making all these noises choking on his cock, looking up at him. He's staring at me.

"Look at me, Becki, look at me. Look at the man that has saved you. You will be blessed! Ohhh I'm putting it on your tits! I'm putting it on your tits!"

He lets go and I cough and gasp and catch my breath and look at him as he rubs his cock and lines up his cock head in the middle of my cleavage.

"In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, take your daily blessing, and may it cleanse you."

He unloaded his milky gooey white cream all over my flushed red titties. Spurt after spurt came out, more than I thought was supposed to happen. After he finished milking his cock I held up my titties to show off to him and he put his cock between my titties and rubbed his cum around.

"Ohh Becki, my child, I'm so glad I saved your soul for the Kingdom of Heaven."

He takes a step back and pulls out his phone from his pocket. I'm a little dazed when I hear the camera sound.

He chuckles "Now we can clean you up for your bride. Let's fix that dress."

#face fvcking #hypnosis #brainwashing #lesbian conversion #lgetsd #fucked str8 #cheating kink #religion kink #priest kink #eroticism #text post #idk what kind of church this is okay

[musings-of-a-rose]

Pairing: Benny Miller x ofc "Lily Morales" (21 year old daughter of Frankie Morales)

Word Count: 9000+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: Listen, I’ve had this in my head for a long time and I just had to get it out. I know the dbf trope may be overdone, and it’s not a trope I normally read, but I just…they kept talking and I had to get it out. Sometimes the fic writes you. Thanks to @mermaidxatxheart for reading this over and helping me get unstuck. And to @avengers-fixation and @rayslittlekitten for also beta reading and giving me some excellent feedback to help this take a better shape!

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Benny Miller Masterlist

"What do you want to do for your birthday, mija?" 

I shrug, popping another blueberry in my mouth. "I don't know. Wanna order pizza and watch a movie?"

My dad gives me a look, pointing his fork at me. "Is that what you want to do?"

I don't know. What do 21 year olds want to do besides get shit faced on their 21st? 

"I don't know, dad."

"I think you should go out with your friends."

"Are you really telling me I should go get shit faced on my birthday?"

He chuckles. "No, but you're turning 21. You don't wanna hang out with your old man."

"I always want to hang out with you."

"I love you too, but you're young. You should hang out with your friends."

"I'm fine here with you, dad."

"Look," he sighs and sets his spoon down, looking at me. "Be safe, call me if you need me to come get you or something, but go out. Be 21." 

He won't let up, I can see it in his eyes. "If it means so much to you, I'll go out."

—----

God, I'm bored. My friends all squealed when I finally caved in and said we could go out drinking for my birthday. They picked me up and brought me to a bar, claiming a booth on the side. They had me place the order for drinks, my first at 21, and then paid, splitting the bill amongst themselves. But while I nursed a drink, they kept slamming them back, getting increasingly more drunk. Eventually, they all got up and hobbled onto the dance floor. Well, not an official dance floor, more like a space they drunkenly cleared out while putting on songs on the ancient jukebox in the corner. Some other patrons joined in and soon there was a small group of men around them, laughing and swaying along while I stayed seated at our table. 

"You look bored as fuck, Lil."

—----

Benny:

This week had been rough. Hell, this whole month had been rough. Another girl that just wanted to use him for a fun time had come and gone, leaving Benny feeling a little more than hollow. They never stay long, always wanting his fun side. If he let down his mask for just a moment, showing them all of him, they run. It hurts but if he's being honest with himself, none of them felt right. Like they were placeholders, just someone to pass the time with. Or distract him from the girl he really likes, the one he can't have. 

He takes another swig from his beer, the one he'd been nursing for a while when this large group of about 10 college aged girls comes in the bar, squealing and talking loudly. They make a big deal of securing a booth, practically yelling about how it's someone's birthday. And then, he sees her. 

Lily, his Lily being shoved forward from the group of girls, her short, pleated skirt fanning out as they tell her to go order drinks and they'll pay. When did the feelings for her start? His mind goes back to a specific moment, a BBQ at Frankie's, when Lily was nearly 20. She was walking past the pool, fully clothed and slipped in, a little yelp leaving her just before the splash. But before anyone could move, she was pushing to the surface, makeup sliding down her face and she was laughing, her head tilted back as she made her way to the edge and Frankie pulled her out. Her clothes were soaked, hair sticking to her forehead, mascara covering her cheeks along with the purple eye shadow she had been wearing. Most girls would've flipped out, cried and screamed and gotten angry, but not Lily. She made some quip about not seeing the pool there and then she looked at him as he laughed, her eyes lit up not with embarrassment, but something else that Benny couldn't quite place. But now he saw her in a whole new light. Lily. His Lily. 

Wait, not his Lily. She can't ever be his Lily because she is Lily Morales, Fish's daughter. He couldn't do that to his friend. 13 years isnt too bad of a gap but Fish's daughter? She's too smart for him, too creative, too good. She wouldn't want his old PTSD ass anyway. 

He watches her bring the drinks back and pass them out, her friends pounding them back as Lily takes small, infrequent sips from the glass she's holding, her smile dropping lower and lower as her friends get more and more drunk. 

God, she's beautiful. Her dark brown hair frames her face, loose waves cascading past her shoulders, her shirt hugging her tits the right way and Benny shifts in his seat as his mind wanders, eyes roaming over her body. She can't see him anyway, what would it hurt? 

But as the night continues on, he sees her friends get up, forming a makeshift dance floor, some other young college guys coming to join them. But not Lily. She doesn't join her friends, opting to stay back and take another slow sip from her drink, her fingers drawing a mindless pattern in the condensation on her cup. 

He takes a deep breath, drinking the last swig from his beer as he stands. He won't have her looking so sad on her birthday. He must put a smile on her face. Benny strides over to her, pushing through the crowd. 

"You look bored as fuck, Lil."

Her eyes go wide, her cheeks flushing as she looks up at him, a smile appearing on her face. Surely that's not just for him. She can't possibly feel the same way. Can she? No, she's Fish's daughter. Cut it out, Benny. 

But he can't stop himself from sliding into the seat next to her, hoping like hell she doesn't spot his half hard boner from her thigh barely touching his jean clad one. 

When he looks at her, he knows why other women haven't worked out for him. Because she is the one he wants. And the one he simply cannot have. 

—----

My body springs to life as his voice washes over me, my eyes looking up into his bright blue ones, the ones that I see in my dreams. My cheeks warm and it's not from the half a drink I've had. It's from the fact I've been in love with this man for years. 

"Benny!"

He smiles at me, his eyes crinkling slightly at the sides and my stomach lurches. He waves his hands, silently telling me to scooch over. I do and he sits next to me, his thigh nearly pressing into mine. He leans in close, speaking into my ear as the girls have turned the music up way too loud. 

"Happy birthday!"

"You remembered?"

He's so close, his face inches from mine, his eyes boring into me. "Of course I remember. You're one of my favorite people." 

God I hope he can't hear my heart pounding through my chest. 

"But why are you sitting here by yourself? Shouldn't you be out there?" He points his thumb over his shoulder towards my group of friends, who have now mingled with a group of college boys, all grinding on each other. 

"Hard pass."

"You mean, grinding up against sweaty young men isn't your thing?" His eyes light up with laughter.

I shake my head. "I like older men." Shit, did I just say that? He looks at me, a curious look in his eyes.

"I doubt they'd be able to keep up with you."

"I think one might."

"Sounds like you have someone in mind."

"Maybe I do." Shut up, Lily!

Before he can reply, a loud whoop sounds from the dancing throng and we both look as one of the drunk men try to impress my friend by doing the worm. Benny leans in to me again, his scent filling up my nose and suddenly I'm feeling warm between my legs. 

"I'm hungry. Wanna get out of here and get a burger or something?"

"God, yes. Please save me."

He smiles, sliding out of the booth and extends his arm to me as I get up. I take it, my skin tingling as it brushes against his, feeling his muscles constrict as he guides me through the crowd and out of the bar. I catch my friends eye as I walk past them and nod my head towards Benny, telling her silently I was going with him. She gives me a wink and thumbs up before making a lude gesture that I'm glad Benny misses. I expect him to drop my arm when we're outside, but he doesn't. Instead, he looks down at me, towering over me. 

"Did you drive or?"

"What? Oh, no. Ironically, I was not the designated driver. Don't worry, we took Ubers."

He chuckles. "Smart. Alright, my jeep is around the back. I've only had one beer, is that ok?"

"You're asking me?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm fine to drive but whatever you're comfortable with."

"I trust you." Am I seeing things or is he blushing? 

He guides me to his jeep, opening the door and helping me inside. He drives us across town to a little diner we've been to before, although it's never been just the two of us. Usually my dad or Benny's brother Will is with us. We sit and order giant burgers and a plate of fries to share, and a couple slices of what Benny calls "birthday pie" that we eat first. 

"So why did you agree to go out with those friends if all they did was ditch you?"

I chuckle. "I blame my dad. He made me."

"Fish wanted you to go out drinking?"

"He said I should "go out and be 21". I told him I just wanted a pizza and a movie with him."

"Why didn't you tell me you wanted pizza? We could've gone to get pizza."

"No, this is perfect, really." My hand covers his on the table and I see just how small it is in comparison to Benny's and I swallow hard. "Thank you, really. You saved me."

Benny asks a zillion more questions as we eat, always interested to hear my opinion on things. I've never had a man be this interested in what I had to say, almost as if… there's no way he could feel the same for me, right? I know there's an age gap, but it's only 13 years..

He links his arm with mine again as we make our way back to his Jeep, helping me in before coming around and climbing in himself. 

"I'll take you home."

"No!" Oh shit, did I yell that? I don't want this night to end so soon. Not when I have an excuse for it to just be us.

His eyebrows are raised. "No?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud. I uh.. I mean no. My dad expects me to be home late or crash at a friend's. If I come home now, he'll think it's weird."

"I don't think he'd mind you coming home early. Then he knows you're not out causing trouble."

"Please Benny?" I hesitate a moment before reaching out to place my hand on his arm, squeezing it a little. "Can we… I don't know.. just go back to your place and hang for a bit?" His skin is warm under my palm and I feel him shift slightly in his seat, eyes fixed on the road before he glances sideways at me.

“You’d really want to hang out with an old man like me?"

“You’re not old.” I sit back, reluctantly pulling my hand from his arm. “Besides, didn’t we establish that I like older men?” What the fuck is wrong with you, Lily?

He shifts in his seat again and clears his throat, fighting back a smile. “Have anything in mind?”

“We could watch a movie?”

“Alright, you talked me into it. But only because it’s your birthday.” He smiles before reaching over and poking me in the side. I flinch back, a giggle erupting from the back of my throat. “Oh, you’re ticklish?”

“I don’t like the look on your face, Benjamin.”

He’s smiling wide. “No look. Just tucking that information away for later.”

We pull up to his place and get out. I follow him up to his front door, my eyes taking in his broad shoulders, beefy arms, and tight ass. He's so tall, much taller than me. I'd love to climb him like a tree…

Heading inside, I kick my shoes off and leave them by the door, hanging my purse on one of the coat rack hooks. I follow him into the living area. He gestures to the couch and I sit, Benny sitting at the opposite end from me. 

"Want something to drink?" He asks and it may be my imagination, but he sounds nervous.

"S-sure." Way to sound smooth, Lily. 

"Beer ok? I think I have water somewhere."

"Beer will be fine. Thanks."

"You got it. Can't believe I can officially give you this now." He disappears into his kitchen and remerges with 2 bottles of beer, popping open the top and handing it to me. He holds up his bottle to mine and we clink them together. 

"Here's to a birthday!" He says and smiles, taking a swig when I do. 

"It's certainly been one of those."

We flip through the channels, stopping on some trash reality TV to make fun of them, cracking up at the stupidity of the show. We've had a couple of beers by now and I'm not drunk by any means, but definitely warm and I feel myself loosening up as I become more comfortable around him, passing quips back and forth.

"I don't know why she's picking Jason when clearly Porter is the better choice."

"What?" I say, shocked. "You can't mean that. Have you looked at Porter?"

Benny squints at the tv. "Yes?"

"Need your glasses, old man?" 

"Be careful. You don't wanna poke the old man."

I scoff playfully, smirking. "Maybe I do."

In one swift move, Benny sits up, putting his bottle on the coffee table before he turns to me, his eyes full of mischief. He lunges for me but I jumped up, somehow missing his grip and I smirk, turning towards him. 

"You'll have to be faster than that, old man." He tries to get up and I run, trying to move around the back of the couch, but somehow he's there, leaning over the back, his strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me back over the couch as I scream. He pushes me back down onto the couch, his large form hovering over me as his fingers dig into my sides. I squirm under him, unable to do anything but squeal with laughter as I writhe about. But the mood changes suddenly, his fingers slowing as he looks down at me, his blue eyes dragging down my face to my lips. I can feel him pressing into me between my legs and heat rushes there to meet him. He leans closer, our lips almost touching, but then he's pulling back and I can't take it. We were so close, I can't go back to how it was, not knowing that he wants this as much as I do but is stopping himself, denying him and me a chance at happiness. 

My fingers grasp at his shirt, tugging to get him to look at me. When he does, his eyes are wide, a combination of lust and conflict behind them. My finger traces his cheek and I decide to go for it, leaning up while lightly pulling him towards me with the tip of my finger. His lips are nearly on mine, his breath fanning out over my face, but he stops. 

"We can't, Lil."

I nod. "We can." I feel him grow harder against me and it's all I can do to not moan, the weight of him grounding me to this moment. He still doesn't move. 

"I don't want to take advantage."

"You're not. I'm sober."

His lips are so close to mine, his breath filling my own as my lips remain slightly parted waiting for him. 

"He'd kill me."

"I'll protect you."

"Lil," he whispers, his breath heating my lips.

"Ben." I touch my lips to his and oh, his are so soft and warm, tasting slightly like the beer he'd had earlier. He doesn't move for a second and maybe I've pushed him too far. His lips move above mine, responding to my gentle touch with a more heated one, a slight moan at the back of his throat as he glides his tongue into my slightly parted lips. A small groan comes from my chest in return and I hum into his kiss, deepening it as Benny presses on with more urgency, my legs wrapping around him, squeezing him slightly. 

His hands are on my face, pushing my hair out of it as a large hand engulfs the side of my face and neck, holding my chin in place as he kisses me deeper, pressing into me harder, his hips slightly grinding of their own accord. Then he breaks the kiss, leaning up to reach over his shoulder, gripping the back of his shirt as he pulls it over his head, tossing it on the coffee table. I've seen him shirtless before of course, but this is different. A patch of hair is nestled between his pecks, soft but strong muscles flexing as he holds himself up, a small trail of hair disappearing beneath his pants. Fuck do I want to see where that goes. I scramble to grip the bottom of my shirt, lifting slightly as I twist my body to take it off, Benny's hand coming to help. My shirt joins his, Benny's fingers sliding around my back to take off my bra, tossing that on the table too. His eyes dip to my chest and they look hungry. 

"Fuck, look at you, Lil." 

Before I can reply, he leans back down, pressing his chest to mine as he kisses me again, his warm skin so soft against mine. He feels so good, comforting, grounding, I can hardly believe I'm here. He kisses a path down my neck, pausing to suck one of my nipples in his mouth. I whimper, my back arching off the couch towards him, my fingers automatically coming up to tangle in his golden hair. 

"How do you want it?"

"Wh-what?" Is all I can manage as he starts to lick at my same nipple. 

"Do you have any favorite positions? Any you hate?"

"I don't know."

He chucks into my skin. "Should I give you a moment to think?"

I shake my head. "I really don't know. I've never done this before."

Benny drops my boob with a plop, pushing himself up so fast it makes my head spin. "What do you mean you haven't done this before?"

I know I'm blushing under his gaze. "I mean… I haven't.. I just… I've never…" I gesture between us.

"Be clear."

"I'm a virgin, ok?" I'm not that embarrassed, but everyone I know has had sex long before me. I just never felt the desire to. Probably because none of them was the man above me, who is now trying to untangle my legs from behind him. 

"I didn't know you were… didn't you have boyfriends?"

"Yeah but I've never done anything past boobs."

"Shit, Lil. I can't do this to you. I-"

"Do this to me?"

"Yeah, take your…" He gestures between my legs, still trying to wiggle his way out from between them. 

"I want you, though, Benny."

"I can't. Not when you haven't…you should do it with someone your age. You should've done it with a boyfriend-"

I let out a frustrated huff. "But none of them were you, Ben!"

He stops moving, his eyes studying my face. "What?"

Too late to not say anything now. "I.. ok, I've liked you for a really long time. Like, really liked you. I tried dating people my age but they all suck. None of them were you. I guess I've been waiting, hoping you'd feel the same. But I won't force-"

"You waited for me?"

I nod, suddenly unable to look at him, my cheeks on fire. "I hoped one day I'd have the courage to tell you how I felt. Or something. I knew it was a long shot. I mean, look at me. I'm… me."

His eyes soften, looking down my body and back up to my eyes. "You say that like it's a bad thing. You're fucking gorgeous, Lil. And..I'd be lying if I said I never thought about us. But me? Why would you want anything to do with me?"

I muster up the courage to look him in the eyes. "Because you make me feel seen. Like I matter. That I'm not just some piece of ass."

"I've been through some major shit, Lil."

I reach up, my hand caressing his cheek, fingers scratching at the stubble. "I want that too. I want all of you, Benny. I want you."

His lips press to mine again, urgent, desperate, his large hand pressed on the side of my neck, the other bracing him. He breaks the kiss for just a moment, pulling back enough to make sure I'm looking at him. 

"Are you sure, Lil? This isn't a small thing, even if you weren't a virgin."

"I am so unbelievably sure, Benny. Please just, show me. Make me feel good."

He smiles at me, his eyes darkening with a glint. “I’m about to ruin you for other men, sweetheart. But not here."

My brows furrow together. "What?"

He taps my thigh to get me to unlock my legs. I do and he stands, stretching briefly before he extends a hand to me, helping me up off the couch. He tips my head up, hooking my chin with his finger, pressing his lips to mine, his other hand coming up to lightly pinch my nipple. I gasp at the sensation, arching slightly into his palm. Then he stands straight, holding his hand out to me, giving me one last chance to stop things. I lace my fingers with his, my hand feeling small in his large one and he smiles, walking me down the hallway to his bedroom.

Once inside, he pushes some things out of the way, and sits on the edge of the bed. He beckons me over and I stand between his outstretched legs. He pulls one of my boobs in his mouth and I moan, heat and wet pooling between my thighs as he kisses his way down to my skirt line. He pauses, eyes turned up to mine, as his hand gently glides up my inner thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind it. Once he reaches my panties, he stops, barely brushing a finger over my clothed clit and I jolt, pleasure momentarily shooting out from where he touched me. 

"You're so fucking wet," he says with awe.

"Is..is that a good thing?"

He touches me again, grinning when I gasp out loud. "Such a good thing."

He pulls his hand from under my skirt, hooking his fingers into the waistband and pulls them down slowly, kissing the skin that appears as my skirt and panties slide down my legs. I kick them off, foot shoving them somewhere behind me as I stand there, completely bare in front of him. I'm nervous, hands automatically coming up to cover me, but he grips my wrists, holding them apart as his eyes slowly move over my body. 

"So fucking beautiful, Lil."

He switches places with me and tells me to lay back, scooting up the bed. He kicks off his pants but leaves his boxers on, which do nothing to hide the tent in his pants. My eyes grow wide. Are all men that large? He crawls over my body, slotting himself between my legs, kissing me deeply for several minutes. My legs wrap around him, feeling him hot and heavy against me. But then he's kissing a path down my body, scooting lower and lower until he's level with my pussy, pushing my legs apart further and putting his broad shoulders between them to hold them apart. 

"Fuck, you have a pretty little pussy. Can't believe no one has touched you here."

I don't respond, my head swimming with a whirl of emotions, mostly nerves and how bad I want him to touch me, push himself inside of me. I want-

"Oh!" A cry erupts from me, my thighs clamping around the side of Benny's head as his tongue makes contact with me, licking a line up me before he taps at my clit. "Oh, God, Benny!" My fingers tangle in his hair, tugging on him and holding him in place as he laps at me, gliding his nose up my seam before I feel him press a finger to my entrance, rubbing small circles there. I can hear how wet I am, my other hand flying out to grip the sheets as he pushes his finger in slowly. 

"Fuck you are so tight, Lil."

He slowly moves his finger in and out of me, my body warming quickly before he adds a second finger, this time tapping around inside of me. He hits some spot and I yell, thighs banging against his head again.

"There it is," he smirks, his fingers rubbing and tapping at that spot as his mouth returns to my pussy, licking and sucking. I feel tingles, all over my body, racing towards where he's touching me and then I explode, my head pushing into the bed, thighs tensing as I pulse around him, whining and moaning as I come. Benny guides me through it, making sure I feel every ounce of pleasure I possibly can.

And then he does it two more times. 

My entire body is warm and loose, my brain swimming with the pleasure of it all as Benny removes his mouth from me, wiping his face on the back of his hand, grinning ear to ear as he hovers over me, tasting of me as he presses his lips to mine. 

"You feelin' good, sweetheart?"

"Mmhmm."

Benny chuckles. "Do you want me to stop?"

My eyes fly open as I find his. "No. Please I need you inside of me."

He nods. "I think you're ready for me. But stop me if it hurts or you want me to stop, ok?"

"Ok."

He scoots back off the bed, standing and pulling his boxers off. He springs up and holy shit is that supposed to go in me? He settles between my legs, pushing my thighs apart, sliding himself through my soaked folds and I whimper at his touch. He's heavy at my entrance, his eyes on my face as he slowly pushes in. 

"Oh!" Is about all I can say. It burns for sure, and is uncomfortable, but not painful. And as he pushes further in, I feel him rub up against that spot he made sensitive with his fingers moments before. My fingers dig into his biceps, his muscles strong beneath my nails as he slowly slides back out. 

“Are you ok?” He asks, his eyebrows pulled together in concern. 

“I will be once you’re back inside of me.”

“Fuck you’re gonna kill me.” 

He pushes back into me, still slowly but a little faster this time. When he can go no further, he waits, holding his hips still to give me a moment. I feel so full of him, my head swimming with his scent while I relax and stretch around him. He must feel the tension leaving me, as he pulls back out and pushes back in, more quickly. After about 5 more of these, he pushes in rather quick and I yelp as he hits a spot at the back of me. 

“Fuck! Do that again!”

He smiles, one side of his mouth pulling up as he complies, thrusting into me harder and chuckling when he hears the breathy sounds coming from me. He keeps going, making sure to angle himself to thrust into that spot every time, eventually speeding up more, rutting into me as I come unglued beneath him, writhing and moving my hips to meet his, my vision going hazy at the edges as my body tingles and I come, nails digging into him as I chant his name over and over. Benny grunts and pulls out, spilling himself across my lower stomach, little breathy grunts coming from him as he comes. 

He takes a second when he’s done before getting up and grabbing a wet cloth from the bathroom. He cleans me up and returns with another cloth, wiping my overstimulated cunt, and chuckling when my legs twitch. He tosses the rag in his hamper and crawls on the bed next to me, pulling the sheet over us. Benny props himself up on his elbow, his finger tracing lines down my chest before using a finger to turn my head to him. 

“How are you feeling, Lil?”

I sigh, feeling the corners of my mouth pull into a soft smile. “Honestly? I’ve never felt better.”

He presses his lips lightly to mine. “The best you’ve ever felt, huh?”

I nod, turning on my side to face him. “You were right though. You’ve ruined other men for me. Good thing I only want one man.”

—----

A yell rips me from sleep and I sit up quick, my head rushing slightly as I look around the unfamiliar room, blinking a few times before remembering I was still at Benny’s. In his bed. A whimper echoes in the dark space and I look down, seeing Benny tangled in his sheets, curled up and sweating, eyes jammed shut and his mouth muttering words I can’t catch all of. I may have never seen it on Benny, but I am familiar with the nightmares. My dad has them all the time, one of the many reasons why I’m studying to be a psychiatrist and intend to reform the VA mental health unit. 

I gently place my hand on his bare shoulder, his skin warm and sweaty under my palm. “Benny, it’s ok. You’re here. I’m here.”

He whimpers once more before his eyes pop open, wet with unshed tears and he gasps, hand reaching out for something I can’t see. He blinks and turns his head, seeing my hand on his shoulder and he follows it up to my face.

“Lily?”

I smile. “Hey, Ben. Are you with me?”

“I…” he pulls his shoulder from me and sits up, pulling the blankets around his waist. “I’m sorry.” He’s wiping at his face, trying to push the tears away. “Just lock the door on your way out.”

“What?”

“When you leave, just take the key and lock the door. Slide it under the mat.”

“I don’t…I don’t understand? You’re kicking me out?”

“You want to leave, right?”

“No? Why would I?”

“Because I’m fucked up! I told you, Lil. I have so much shit with me. No one wants this.” 

“Ben. Look at me.”

He shakes his head. "I can't. Just.. lock the door on your way out."

"Ben-"

"I can't. I can't see that look on your face too, I just can't, Lily."

"Ben, please look at me." 

He sighs and turns his head, a hard expression on his face and I see it, all the hurt he’s had to endure from the women before me leaving him once his guard slipped. And I want to fight them all. I take his hand, lacing my fingers through his and bring it to my lips, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. 

“Benjamin Miller, unless you kick me out, I’m not going anywhere.”

His eyes water a little and he shakes his head to stop them. “But, the nightmares-”

“You think this is the first time I’ve seen a nightmare? Do you not remember who my dad is?”

“Fish gets nightmares too?”

I nod. “All the fucking time, Ben. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked him down. Why do you think I’m going into psych?”

“You’re…you’re really not wanting to leave?”

“No. I’d really rather stay here with you, make sure you’re ok, wake up next to you. As long as you’ll have me?”

He squeezes my hand and presses his forehead to mine. “I’d love that.”

I lay back and beckon him to me, placing his head on my chest as he cuddles into my side. He sucks one of my boobs in his mouth, claiming it’s his comfort toy. But soon after he’s sound asleep, his face peaceful and he doesn’t wake the rest of the night.

He brings me home the next day and I wave to him from the front steps as I walk through the front door. 

“She’s alive!”

“Ha-ha, dad. But I’m doing fine.”

“Was that Benny I saw dropping you off?”

“Oh. Yeah. He was at the bar last night.”

“And he brought you home this morning?”

I nod, kicking off my shoes. “Yeah. I was pretty drunk and my friends still wanted to party. His place was closest to the bar and I asked him to take me there. Didn’t think I could make it home.” I mimed throwing up, which is exactly what I wanted to do. I hate lying to him. 

“You could’ve called me. I would’ve picked you up.”

“I know. But Benny was already there. No sense in waking you up.”

“You know I don’t sleep.”

“Which is why you’re always so fun to be around.”

He looks fake hurt, pressing his hand to his chest. “I am a damn delight….but I’ll have to thank Benny for taking such good care of you.”

I hide my smirk before replying. “Please do.”

—----

The next few months pass and we keep us a secret, going on dates in the next towns over, meeting up whenever we can. I feel bad for lying to my dad and not telling him, but it’s not the right time. 

Benny is everything I thought he was and more. He makes me laugh, even cracking jokes as he’s pressed between my thighs. He makes me feel safe and I think I make him feel safer too. His nightmares, while still present, seem to happen less often, his body relaxing into mine as he sleeps deeply. 

Then there’s the sex. Oh God the sex. I know I have nothing to compare it to, but the way my friends talk about it, it seems like it’s often a chore. They talk about faking orgasms or men that are only concerned about themselves. Not Benny. He says he loves the sounds I make as he pulls orgasm after orgasm out of me, pressing his body against and into mine against every surface of his house and his jeep, anywhere we can get away with it.  

About 6 months in, it’s our turn to host the monthly BBQ for all the boys. Will usually brings his wife and kids, Santi just himself, and Tom brings his family, so it’s a pretty big to do. I remember at BBQ’s in the past, sometimes Benny would show up with some girl and how jealous I was of her. And this time, I’m still jealous, because they got to be with him in the open. No passing touches or whispers, no hiding glances or anything. But I’m feeling bold, so I put on my favorite sundress, the one Benny had hitched up around my hips as he bent me over his kitchen table the last time we were together. And judging by the look on his face, he too has this same memory when he sees me in the dress. 

Everyone is outside, the kids screaming and running around, everyone else chatting, keeping an eye on the kids as my dad starts grilling. I feel Benny’s eyes on me as I set a few bowls of chips on the table, bending over just a little more than normal to expose more of my cleavage to him. I glance up at him and wink, turning and heading back into the house. I hear him come in behind me a couple minutes later, his eyes on me standing in the doorway to the hall. He silently follows me upstairs to my room, closing the door behind us and locking it before taking 2 steps towards me, pulling me to him and kissing me deeply. His hands fist in the sides of my dress, pulling it up higher on my hips. 

“You think you’re so slick wearing this dress?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

I pull him down on me, parting my thighs to let him settle between them as my back settles into my bed. My fingers twist in his hair, his hand trailing up my bare thigh as I whimper in his ear. 

“Wanna fuck in my bed. We haven’t done that yet.”

“Your dad’s outside.”

“So?”

“So what if he hears us?”

“I’ll deal with that then. Please fuck me Benny. I need you to fuck me.”

And so he does, pushing my panties aside and thrusting into me, one hand clamped over my mouth. I try to push him into me more, my hands gripping his ass, digging little marks into it when I come, legs spasming as Benny’s moans come right after, his hips rutting into mine as he fills me up. 

“Let me get something to clean you up with.”

“Don’t. I want to feel you inside me.”

“Fuckin’ hell you’re gonna kill me.”

—----

My chest heaves as Benny rolls off me and lays on his side, trying to catch his own breath. He slides his hand across my body and gently squeezes one of my boobs, his thumb grazing over my nipple. 

“You can’t possibly want to go again?” I ask, eyebrows raised. 

“What? This is my emotional support tiddy.”

Laughter erupts from me and Benny joins in, his smile making me feel warm all over. This is nice, this is comfortable. Benny makes everything in my life good. 

“You hungry? We did miss our dinner reservations.”

I chuckle. “Totally worth missing them.”

Benny props himself up on his elbow, his hand leaving my boob to start sliding down my bare stomach. “Oh I agre-”

GROWL! 

My stomach has decided enough is enough and the sound it makes is loud in the quiet room. Benny laughs again, his head flying back with it before he brings his lips to my stomach, speaking to it.

“You hungry, girl? Should we get some food in ya?”

I ruffle his hair and he turns, his cheek resting on my stomach as his eyes meet mine. We stare at each other for a few moments before he chuckles. “Your stomach is so loud.”

“Ok, fine. I’m hungry,” I smile.

He sits up, giving me a quick kiss before rolling off the bed. “I’ll go make us something. You can shower if you’d like. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” He leaves the room, sliding some pants on before he does. I make my way to his bathroom across the hall and take in my appearance, fixing my hair so it’s not too wild before sliding one of his shirts on. I make my way down the hall and stand in the entrance to the kitchen, watching Benny move about the kitchen, no shirt and sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He tosses a kitchen towel over his shoulder as he flips a pancake, one of his specialties, humming to himself as he does. His hair is sticking up at all angles, looking like he’d just rolled around in bed for hours. Which I guess, technically, he did. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, kissing his back before resting my cheek against it. 

“You want strawberries or chocolate chips in yours, Lil?”

“Do I have to pick?”

He pauses for a moment. “Shit, why did I never think to combine those?” He adds both cut up strawberries and chocolate chips to his mix, pouring out another round of batter on the griddle. “I may have to steal one.”

“I’ll fight you for it.”

He slides the pancake off the spatula and spins, gripping my wrists before I can move. “I’d like to see- are you in my shirt?”

“Mmhmm.”

He drops my wrists and slides his hands around my hips, feeling for something. “Are you..are you not wearing any underwear?”

“How else am I supposed to feel you dripping down my legs?” Benny groans, gripping my jaw and pulling me in for a heated kiss, but the sound of a key jiggling in his front door lock kills the mood. In one quick motion, Benny is shoving me back through the doorway and down the hall, motioning for me to hide. I step into his room and close the door almost all the way just as the front door opens. 

“Hey, Ben.”

“Hey..Fish.”

The door closes and I feel the color drain from my face. My dad is here and almost walked in on us fucking in the kitchen. 

“Hope it’s ok I used my key? Normally you complain about having to get up and open the door.”

“No, no that’s fine. What, uh, what are you doing here?”

“Lil is at her friend’s studying this weekend so I thought we could watch the fight?”

“The fight?”

There’s a slight pause. “The big fight? Between Samson and Jueng?”

“Oh right. The fight. Yeah, I think the neighbors in 2B are having some kind of party.”

“That explains why the parking lot is slammed.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hey listen, Frankie, I uh…I’m a little…” There’s a pause where Benny fumbles for words. 

“Oh shit, I should’ve called, Ben. I just got bored and I remembered you said you were staying in this weekend. Thought we could hang.”

“No, no. It’s uh, it’s ok. Did..did you want some pancakes?”

“For dinner?”

“I already made some.”

“Sure, sounds good. Bathroom useable?”

“It’s clean, fucker.”

Dad’s chuckle gets closer and I step away from the crack in the bedroom door, like he could see me through it. When I hear the bathroom door close, I yank on some pants and grab my shoes, tiptoe running down the hall and meet Benny at the door. 

“I’ll let you know when he leaves.”

I nod. “Sounds good. I still want pancakes.”

“Ok ok but you have to go now,” He’s practically pushing me out of the door, but just before it closes, he reaches out and grabs my arm, pulling me back and kissing me before letting me go, a smile as the door closes and I hear my dad’s voice coming back down the hall.  

That was close.

—----

Several weeks later, I decided to grab some dinner on my way to Benny’s, neither of us feeling much like cooking. I wait at the counter of the diner, studying the pie menu while our burgers cook. It’s hard to pick out pie for Benny because he loves them all. Even Rhubarb. I decide on a slice of apple and a slice of buttermilk pie, placing the order with the waitress.

“No pecan?”

I jump, my head jerking to look at my dad, leaning against the counter, menu in hand and looking at me. 

“Pecan?”

“You’re favorite?”

“Oh. Yeah I thought I’d try something new.”

He nods. “So, you weren’t going to tell your old man you were getting shitty food before coming home?”

“You’re here too.”

He laughs. “True.” His eyebrows furrow together as the waitress brings 2 large bags and reads off the order. I try to cut her off but she plows through, smiling at the end. 

“Anything else, dear?”

“N-no. I’m good.” She walks off and I can feel my dad’s eyes on me. 

“Hungry?”

“What?”

He nods towards the bags. “There’s enough food there for two. Especially with that last burger. Double cheese, double bacon, and extra pickles? That’s exactly what Benny orders so I know it’s entirely too much.”

I laugh nervously. “Uh yeah. That’s..that’s mine. Period.” He looks at me, understanding. 

“And the other burger?”

“Uh surprise! I was going to bring food home.”

He smiles and I feel terrible. “We must have been thinking the same thing. Thanks, mija. Need some help?”

“Sure.”

He takes the burger bag and I take the other, walking me over to my car. He waits for me to get in and hands me the bag. 

“See you at home!” 

When he’s turned away and solidly heading to his truck, I pull out my phone and send a quick text to Benny. 

Me: No burgers tonight. Dad came in. Had to tell him I was buying for us.

Benny Baby: Oh shit! Did he know?

Me: He recognized your order but nothing past that. I’m sorry! Can I come tomorrow?

Benny Baby: Oh I plan on making you come many times 

—----

It was a couple weeks before we could manage to see each other again and we wasted no time in making up for it. Benny pressed himself between my thighs over and over, pulling as many sounds from me as he could before I just couldn’t take anymore, completely over stimulated. Only then did we get dressed and head out to dinner across town, his arm wrapped around my shoulders as we walked into my favorite Italian restaurant, laughing and sharing breadstick puns as we waited for our food. After force feeding ourselves some dessert, we walked back around the building, Benny pushing me against the side of his jeep, slotting his leg between my thighs as he pushes his tongue in my mouth, my hands fisting in his shirt. I can feel him getting harder against me and I wonder how unoccupied this parking lot is or if I even care. 

“I thought that was you. You got a secret girlfriend?”

Benny freezes at his brother’s voice, pulling back slowly and looking into my eyes, fear and apologies swirling around in his baby blues. He tries his best to turn around without showing me, but the angle is weird and he can’t quite hide all of me, no matter how I try to angle myself. 

“Wait…Lily?” Will says, completely shocked. 

I sigh, stepping out from behind Benny. “It’s me.”

He’s not smiling, gripping the takeout bag he has in his hand a little tighter as he looks at Benny. “That’s Fish’s daughter, Ben.”

“I fuckin’ know, Will. Don’t you think I know?”

“You’re making out with Fish’s daughter. His daughter.” 

“Yeah. And you’re not gonna tell him.”

“Why the fuck shouldn’t I? You shouldn’t be fucking around - shit, are you fucking around with her?”

I feel Benny’s body tense and I gently lace my fingers through his, a motion that doesn’t go unnoticed by Will. 

“That’s Lily, Ben! You shouldn’t be…I gotta call Fish.”

Before he can move, I step in front of Benny and grip Will’s arm gently. He looks down at me, his grey blue eyes studying me as if he’s trying to see if I’ve been coerced. 

“Please don’t, Will. I promise we will tell him. Eventually.”

“Tell him what, exactly?”

I glance back at Benny, giving him a small smile before looking back at Will. “We’re together. I am the secret girlfriend and the reason he hasn’t been around as much.”

Will looks from me to Benny and back. “He put you up to this?”

“Hey fuck you, man!”

I put my hand up, touching Benny’s chest. “No. If anything, I convinced him.”

“You’re Fish’s daughter, Lil.”

“I’m aware.”

“One of our best friend’s daughters.”

“That’s me.”

“I don’t know, I…”

“Will… please? I promise we will tell him. We’ve just…been enjoying each other and seeing where this takes us.”

He cocks his head slightly. “So it’s really not just sex?”

I shake my head. “No.”

He looks between us again, looking like he’s doing some mental math. “Alright but only for you, Lil. Benny knows better. But you have to promise you’re gonna tell him.”

I nod. “Yes, of course. Thank you, Will.” I give him a hug and he returns it with one arm, the other still holding a heavy bag of take out. His eyes never leave Benny’s and I watch as they grow hard. 

“I love you, Ben. But if you hurt her, I’m not gonna hold back Fish.”

Benny nods. “That’s fair.”

—----

I love him. He tried telling me I’d grow out of him, but I didn’t. If anything I fell more in love with him as time went on. Benny let his final walls down, telling me how much he loves me, how I accept him, all of him, and how he thought he’d never find that. I don’t know how we made it 8 months without telling anyone or anyone figuring it out, aside from Will. 

It wasn’t until my dad came home early, finding Benny and me making out on the couch that I remembered why we were keeping it a secret. Thank God he didn’t come home 2 minutes later. 

“What the fuck is this?” He slams the door behind him, the walls rattling and Benny and I spring apart, Benny jumping up as my dad storms towards him. “SHE’S MY DAUGHTER, BEN!” 

Benny has his hands out in a placating manner. “I know, but-”

“My daughter! She is not for you!”

“No, but-”

Anger rises up from my chest. “You have no say over who I get with!”

He looks at me, his dark eyes fuming. “I do when it’s my best friend and my daughter! You’re only 21, Lily!”

“So? I am not some thing you can pass around! My life is my own! I can date and fuck whomever I want!”

His eyes go wide, cheeks flushing with built up anger as he turns his rage towards Benny. “Wait…have you slept with her?”

“Wh-what?”

His voice raises, loud enough I know the neighbors are listening in. “Have you fucked my daughter, Ben?”

The color drains from Benny’s face. “Let’s talk about thi-”

BAM! My dad’s fist collides with Benny’s face, his head flying back. Luckily, Benny knows how to take a punch, thanks to his days as an MMA fighter. He straightens up, dodging the next swing from my dad, his hands still up trying to placate him. 

“Dad!” I push past him and stand in front of Benny, turning his face towards me to inspect his lip, which is now bleeding, a dark circle starting to appear under his eye. I round on my dad.

“What the fuck dad?”

“Don’t dad me! You’ve been lying to me for months! Sleeping with Benny? He’s my best friend, Lily!”

“I know, but-”

“You just never stop to think about the consequences. What did you think was gonna happen? He’s 13 years older than you!”

“Yes, but-”

“He’s done some shit, but putting his hands on my daughter is the thing I’m gonna kill him for.”

“Ok, dad. Kitchen. Now. Benny? First aid kit in the bathroom.” I push on my dad’s chest, willing him to move. He glares over my shoulder at Benny as he moves into the kitchen, but doesn’t sit. 

“What the fuck, Lily?”

“I know, but let me explain.”

“Benny?”

“I love him, dad.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, his other hand on his hip in his typical dad pose. “I know you think you love him mija, but it’s just infatuation. You’re young.”

“Do you remember a few years ago, you asked me why I had boyfriends but none of them seemed to stick? And I told you I didn’t like them or want any of them?”

He thinks for a moment. “Yeah.”

“What did I say after that?”

“I said maybe you haven’t found the right person and you said no it’s because…” I raise my eyebrows at him until he continues. “...because you were in love with someone else.”

“You told me to go for it and I said I couldn’t because there’s no way he likes me the same way and it would be complicated.”

His shoulders slump, a little bit of the anger seeping from him. “Benny?”

“Benny.”

“How do you know he feels the same way?”

“Didn’t you tell me a few months ago how good he looks? That he said he was seeing someone but wasn’t ready to bring her around everyone yet? But that he hasn’t looked this happy in the entire time you’ve known him?”

“Fuck. It was you?”

“Me. We love each other, dad. We have for years, but didn’t say it until my birthday.”

“Wait. You told me Benny let you stay over because you were drunk. Did he-”

“No. I barely drank. My friends ditched me and he saw me. We went for dinner and then back to his place where..confessions were made.”

“You lied to me?”

“You didn’t ask me if I slept with him, dad.”

“Dammit. I hate when you’re right.” 

“Are…are we going to be ok?”

He pulls me to him in a bear hug, kissing the top of my head. “I’ll always love you, mija. But your boyfriend I may have to warm up to. God that feels weird to say.”

Benny pokes his head around the corner. “Is it safe?”

Dad turns his head to him, hugging me tighter. “I haven’t decided if I want to kill you yet.”

“Well while you’re deciding, can I just say how much I love her? She’s smart and funny, and she makes the world bright again. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“You’re damn right she is. So what if I told you I don’t want you dating her?”

“Dad-”

“Sshh. I’m asking him.”

“With all due respect, Fish. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself and date her anyway. I love you, you’re my best friend, but she’s the one for me and I won’t let anything come between us unless she wants it to.”

He lets me go and stomps up to Benny, who is a few inches taller than him. He glares up at him for a few moments before extending his hand out. 

“Ok.”

“Ok?"

“Just do me a favor and don’t kiss in front of me?”

“Deal.”

“Speak for yourself, Ben. I plan on making out with you whenever I can.”

A year later we’re married, both of us eternally grateful for my friends ditching me on my birthday that night.

—----

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[akiology]

Uninterrupted Interruptions || Akira Kurusu x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k+ Pairing: Akira Kurusu x Reader Note: requested! i hope this is to your liking anon! reader is gender-neutral!

Akira considers himself a calm, and collected person. He is also very good at time management, considering that he has to balance being a leader of the Phantom Thieves, and being a good student. To others, he is a very admirable and confident person, with a cool exterior. And that might not be far from the truth, but boy, when he is with you. His thoughts are simply, "[Y/N], [Y/N], [Y/N], [Y/N]…"

He met you one day, as he was going through the halls of Shujin Academy. He was going around, gathering intel on Kamoshida, and then stopped by to grab a drink from one of the vending machines. Or atleast, trying to. His drink got stuck, and now he is down 130 yen. You saw the predicament he was in, and decided to help out.

"Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, but do you need help?" You ask him, while slowly approaching him in hopes of not scaring him away.

He looked your way, and nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling sheepish.

You quickly went to the side of the vending machine, and gave it a large smack. Akira's drink successfully got unstuck, along with another drink.

"This vending machine is a little old, so you might find some of your drinks getting stuck from time to time. When that happens, just give it a small pat around here," you cheerfully tell him, "Although when you do that, you might also get a freebie. Don't tell anyone I told you though." You winked at him. He blushed a little, as he was handing you the other drink.

"For me? Are you sure?"

"Yes, think of it as a 'thank you'," he says with a smile.

"...and also a celebration of a new friendship!" You happily exclaimed.

And as the days go by, Akira makes sure he has time for you. You are one of the few friends he has ever made, and so he treasures you a lot. Until eventually, he realizes that he may be thinking more about you than a friend should. And that hearing your name makes him smile. And that whenever he hangs out with you, he tends to try to make it last longer. And that he-

"I think you are in love with them," Futaba said, smirking as she said it. Akira has just recently opened up about you to Futaba, who is like family to him. Kind of like the little sister he never had.

"Oh," was all he could say out loud. Futaba scooched down next to Akira, and gave him a pat on the head. Kind of like what he does to her.

"Don't worry! We can work something out!" Futaba encourages, and brings out her phone. "Do you know their schedule?"

"I... have no clue... " Akira's mood seemed to become more gloomy as this conversation went on. Futaba frowns, not used to seeing the flamboyant and kind leader of the Thieves being this low.

"What's wrong?"

"I just... I like them. A lot. I mean I can understand if they do not return my feelings, but what if they... start avoiding me?" Akira seemed genuinely downtrodden from that realization.

"I doubt that! You are an amazing person, Akira. Now come on! We have to plan your confession event!"

/./

As soon as school let out, Akira started practically dashing out the hallways to get to your classroom. He just caught as you were leaving.

"Ah! [Y/N]!" Akira semi-shouted, and his cheeks were tinted a light red from the realization as many students looked at him with annoyance. Ah, he is already embarrassing himself and he hasn't even confessed yet.

You gave him the most beautiful smile, and he swears he could melt into a puddle. But then if he becomes puddle, he will not be able to see your smile again. So maybe not a great idea.

"Akira! Hey! How are you?"

"I was wondering... Are you busy right now?"

"I am on my way to Big Bang Burger at Shibuya. I have to discuss the contents of my group project for next week."

"Oh... I see... How about tomorrow?"

"Ah! I have my club meeting tomorrow. It is really important so I can't skip."

Perhaps luck is not on his side right now. Or this is a sign that he should not go through with this? Akira's head lowers, as if in deep thought. You seem to notice how he is internally battling with his thoughts, so you try to snap him out of it.

"What about Saturday? I am free after school on Saturday." You bend a little, trying to meet his eyes. He seems to lighten up from the suggestion.

"That sounds good. Let's do Saturday."

/./

Saturday came, and Akira is nervous again. He tries not to show it outwardly. Ann still managed to sense it though. As soon as the bell rang, she turned around in her seat to face him. "Are you okay, Akira?"

He gulped, she noticed. "Of course I am," he smiles, and winks. It would've convinced a passersby, but Ann is no passersby.

"You know what, I think you are going to do great! If you want, Ryuji and I could hang near you so that you have moral support!"

Akira shook your head. "You don't have to, but thanks anyways."

"So what's your plan?" Ann stretched, while getting her things ready.

"Well, we will meet at the diner in Shibuya. But I will drop by the Underground Mall first to get them flowers. I also bought them a plush doll…" Akira started imagining your reactions once he gives those gifts. Will you like it? Will you give him a glimpse of your beautiful smile again?

"Aww! That's adorable! Futaba invited Ryuji, Yusuke, and I for a video game session. Makoto might come by too, so tell us all the deets when you come home, okay?" Ann finally stood up, and offered her friend an encouraging smile. Akira nodded and smiled back.

/./

The loud chatter, the sounds of utensils clashing against the plates, along with the faint sound of the music playing through the speakers did nothing to ease Akira's nerves. You are running a little late, because a classmate approached for help. Akira told you it was okay, and that he would gladly wait. And he meant every word.

But gosh, the thumping of his heart has not calmed down. It's as if the nervousness mashed with the fear of rejection and now he actually feels like he is becoming sick. He started playing with the tissues to let out some steam. He suddenly hears the sound of clearing their throat. He looked up and he swears he sees an angel.

"Hey Akira! Sorry for being late..." You looked like you were out of breath as you sat down across him. Did you run all the way here?

"It's alright. I already placed the order you texted me, it should come soon."

"Ah, thank you!" You smiled at him again, and he almost clutched his chest from the cuteness. Oh how he wishes to be held by you, forever in your warm embrace. And then he realizes he has not confessed and now the fear of rejection creeps up on him again. He shuddered.

"So, what's up with you? Sorry I've been so busy..."

"Ah... you know me. Trying to be a good student. Also branching out and making friends." He can't exactly tell you about the Phantom Thief business so he will just leave it at that.

"Aww... are you going to forget about me now that you have more friends?" You teased him, and he genuinely looked distraught.

"No! I would never. You are important to me." He handed you a box, and a bouquet of flowers. "This is for you."

You were taken aback. "Oh! I... was joking.. but you are important to me too.." You happily accepted his gifts, bringing the bouquet close to your chest and giving it a sniff. You sneaked a peek inside the box and saw a cat plush doll. "Thank you so much! I love these!"

Your order finally came, and you both went to eating. You told him stories about your daily life, and he gladly listened. He still working up the courage to confess, but for now he is happy just listening to you. It gives him a sense of normalcy, especially after the things he has experienced the past months.

He loves knowing he has made significant change in the world by making criminals confess their crimes, don't get him wrong. But he is still young, and the amount of things he has seen... Let's just say that sometimes at nights he has nightmares about it. Not to mention that he is wrongfully accused for a crime he did not commit. The world is messed up. This is especially why even something as simple as hanging out with your friend (crush) is something he cherishes.

When you both finished up, Akira started hyping himself up to confess. "So, um... [Y/N]. I have something to tell you."

You were grabbing your phone, but quickly put it beside you to pay full attention to Akira. "Yes? What is it?"

"You see, this past few months have been a little hard on me. But meeting you have made it bearable.. wonderful, even. I really cherish your friendship, and you mean a lot to me. So even if-"

And then your phone started ringing. Of course.

"Ah, I am so sorry! This is my classmate and they are asking about the project. It's kind of urgent as we have to finish it tonight since they might not be available tomorrow. Can you give me a few minutes?"

Akira blinked, "Yes. Go on."

Akira is in an all time low. Possibly an exaggeration, but with how the past week has gone, it might not be far from the truth. He pulls out his phone and messaged the Phantom Thieves' group chat.

Akira: why does the world hate me Makoto: Huh? What happened? Ryuji: u ok dude? Akira: NO the world hates me Yusuke: I don't hate you, Akira. Akira: thank Futaba: did they reject you? o _ o Akira: not yet but i think the amount of times im getting confession-blocked is a sign at this point Ann: That sucks. We are still at Leblanc if you want to hangout though?

He contemplated it for a moment, but he doesn't want to leave you. At the very least, he could walk you to the station just to spend some more time with you. It really sucks how the world is working against him at the moment though.

Maybe now is not the time to confess. He will just chalk this whole thing up to hanging out as friends.

You quickly came back after two minutes.

"Hey! I really am sorry if I am distracted right now.. Lots of things going on."

"It's okay, I understand."

"Do you want to check out an ice cream stall nearby? They are only open during the evenings and I have been really wanting to check them out! It's my treat of course."

"Sure, let's go." He offers to carry some of your things, and you lend him the lightest stuffs. He shakes his head and offers to carry your bag. You let him, and perhaps blushed a bit at the thought. You look like a couple. Wait a minute...

As you walked, you feel really bad for what happened at the diner. And for what happened the past week as well. The truth is, you missed Akira a lot. Your schedules never seemed to match, and just when he got free time, a lot of responsibilities are being placed on your shoulders. The life of a high school student...

"Akira, I am very sorry. I really am. I probably sound like a broken record but, the truth is I missed you these past days. And now I'm messing it up... You probably hate me now.." You walked with your head down, not finding the strength to look at Akira.

"That's not true. It's the opposite actually. And..." Akira hesitated for a moment but continued, "Ah... I told myself I wouldn't do it tonight."

"Do what tonight?" You raised your head to look at him, confused.

He held his breath, and exhaled. "I like you, [Y/N]. You are someone I cherish a lot. You have one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen, and the kindness you've showed me and other people makes me want to strive to be a better person as well. I love your cute little laugh, and the tiny gestures you do by yourself when you think no one is looking... I lik- no... I love you."

He stopped walking, and you did as well. Suddenly, the confident Akira you knew looked a bit... vulnerable and shy right now.

"It's okay if you do not feel the same way, I just... wanted to let you know and... I hope you do not avoid me after this. I am fine with just being friends."

"You... is that what the bouquet is for? And the plush?!"

"Yes... I honestly thought you would get it after I gave you those."

"I.. I! I thought it was just a friendly gift!!!"

"Red roses? The universal flower for confession of love?"

"Okay you know what! Enough! I..." You tried to stand up straight, as if to match your heights a bit. You exhaled a breath you did not know you were holding.

"... feel the same way."

"You... do?" Akira sounded genuinely surprised.

"Y-yes..."

He has the biggest smile on his face, and he feels so unbelievably happy on the inside. He would be jumping up and down right now, but instead decided to ask you, "Can I hug you?"

"What? Of course, you don't need to-" And suddenly you were wrapped up in the embrace of the one you loved. It was a place you never wanted to leave. It was like you belonged there.

"You still owe me an ice cream though."

#persona #persona 5 protagonist #persona 5 royal #persona 5 #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #akira x reader #ren x reader #akira kurusu x reader #ren amamiya x reader #x reader #reader insert #persona x reader #fluff #fanfic #fic #one shot

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Migration

You know, for a while, I thought Luka was one of the smartest characters in the show, and the fact that he's hightailing it out of Paris in this episode only continues to prove my point.

Let's get into the thirteenth episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fifth season: Migration

We start off with Marinette running over to the Liberty (with her friends laughing behind her back like the supportive people they are) and tries to talk with Luka about her relationship with Adrien once they're in private. Luka is pretty supportive, and it's a nice scene. Marinette then bumps into Adrien, who also wants to talk with Luka, and while the two try to get unstuck, we get a nice visual of Luka seeing the two as Ladybug and Cat Noir, which is there to remind the audience that he's known who both of them are ever since “Wishmaker”.

Adrien then talks to Luka about how he's worried something is keeping Marinette from being honest about her feelings. Luka gives him some advice on how just because he doesn't know everything about Marinette, it doesn't make her feelings for him less valid, and vice versa.

After Adrien leaves, we get an appearance from everyone's favorite deadbeat dad, Jagged Stone. He asks Luka how he can be a better father like he didn't miss years of child support, but all Luka really says is that he needs to spend time with his damn family. Of course, what I like about this scene is that it avoids the usual narrative pitfall of trying to say that Jagged and Anarka, Luka's mom, should get back together, and instead shows Jagged developing feelings for his agent, Penny.

Speaking of, after Jagged leaves, Penny comes in to come to Luka for advice. Okay, is Luka just the Dr. Phil of this show's universe? Penny talks to Luka about her sudden feelings for Jagged Stone.

Penny: No, I don't know why I'm in love with your father. He's disorganized, childish, selfish, and musically speaking, he's no David Bowie. Truth be told, your dad's a walking disaster. So why do I love him?

Luka: Does he make you happy, Penny?

Penny: Yeah. I just can't figure out why!

It's almost like this show will randomly pair people up at the drop of a hat. But hey, at least Luka hasn't asked if Kagami is single yet.

Before Penny leaves, Bob Roth, Jagged's producer, demands to know where he is, as he needs to record a new album. Bob learns that Jagged had children with Anarka (ignoring the potential scandal it could create), so Anarka promptly throws him out of the boat in a scene that I'm pretty sure is meant to be a reference to that one running gag from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Either way, Jazz's scream was funnier.

Kitty Section then practices their latest song about how you don't have to be rich, because even the songs in this show aren't exactly subtle with their messages. Bob somehow gets back on the Liberty completely dry, and offers the band a contract.

Bob: How would you like to sign a contract with me?

Luka: Actually, Bob, you already offered to sign us... Marinette: And you never followed up. Did you forget?

Bob: Huh? Uh... of course! I remember! I was just waiting for the right reason—uh, I mean, the right time! I was waiting for the right time to have you guys sign the contract!

My God, even the characters in this show want to forget it used to have good episodes.

Anarka throws Bob off again, where she and Luka talk about how everyone deserves a second chance and that change is possible.

Yeah, funny how that message almost never came up with Chloe, Lila, and Felix last season, isn't it? And given that they're going to use Bob as an example of this lesson, I don't think it's going to be a positive one. So right after Luka generously decided to give Bob a second chance, Bob offers them a new contract to sign... and as soon as he does, he screws them all over thanks to a lot of fine print they didn't stop to read.

Ivan: He can fire us whenever he wants?

Bob: Yep, and I just did, by the way.

Rose: The name Kitty Section belongs to him?!

Bob: Yep. It’s ugly, but it’s mine. Marinette: He owns everything you’ve made and will make over the next thousand years!? Bob: Gotta cover all bases.

Zoe: Marinette's costumes, the music video Nino shot, the website Mylene runs...

Bob: All mine!

Adrien: And you can’t even start another band together?

Bob: Course not, that’d be unfair competition! EVERYTHING belongs to me! Everything you are, everything you say, everything that’s in your hearts belongs to me!

See, kids? This is why you should never trust bad people. It doesn't matter if they say they want to improve. They just want to trick you and ruin your life, so if you're ever wronged by anyone, that person is never able to redeem themselves, especially if they're rich. As we all know, rich people are far worse than insane supervillains who want to rewrite reality. Just ask the biggest monster in the show, Chloe Bourgeois.

So yeah, Luka's optimism being taken advantage of is enough to attract the attention of Monarch, who attempts to akumatize him into Silencer again. Monarch realizes that Luka knows Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities (why he didn't think to look into it, given Viperion's powers, is left unanswered), and angrily smashes his guitar to free himself of Monarch's influence.

So not only did he stop himself from getting akumatized, he's also one step closer to becoming a true rock star.

Somehow, Bob thinks only keeping Luka on board would mean he wouldn't hate him, but Luka isn't buying it. Bob is shocked that Luka wouldn't want to work for an asshole like him as Luka tears the contract in half, but Bob has backups. Monarch decides to settle on Bob instead, akumatizing him into Gold Record.

Gold Record's design is... okay. It's still better than Sole Destroyer, and it's definitely better than Moolak. The gold coloring looks nice, and the euro symbol on the record is a nice visual. His powers are pretty much just a combination of Pixelator, the Collector, and Truth's powers, transforming people into records who sing their true feelings while using the Horse Miraculous' Voyage to throw the records into space. Nothing too original there, but it's a good metaphor for sleazy music producers, and it works for this story.

Rose and Anarka are the first of Gold Record's victims, and in a hurry, Luka lets Adrien know he knows he's Cat Noir, giving him a place to hide. Just as Juleka is hit by Gold Record, Ladybug and Cat Noir arrive on the scene. While Cat Noir holds off Gold Record, Ladybug tries to come up with a plan.

Ladybug summons her Lucky Charm, getting a knitting needle. She realizes her plan will need to involve using Luka as bait. Luka is forced to reveal that he knows who Ladybug and Cat Noir are, and what will happen if Gold Record gets him, setting up a tough choice that will force Ladybug to rethink her plan... and then the next scene happens, where Luka lets himself get hit, where Ladybug manages send Gold Record's record flying with a makeshift bow and arrow created from the knitting needle and a nearby fiddle, which Cat Noir immediately Cataclysms.

Ladybug de-evilizes the Akuma, uses Miraculous Ladybug to fix the damage, and gives Bob Roth a Magical Charm that even he knows is useless at this point. Ladybug and Cat Noir decide to call it a day and let Anarka throw Bob Roth out again.

Luka reveals that he knows Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities (because once again, sharing that information with your friends is totally fine for some reason), and that he can't stay in Paris. After revealing that he had Fang eat all of Bob's contracts so Luka isn't bound by them anymore, Jagged offers to take Luka around the world to finally make up for years of absence while Luka makes Juleka the new leader of Kitty Section. And so the episode ends with the Couffaine family sharing a hug while Luka gives one last look to his friends Marinette and Adrien.

This episode was just average, all things considered. The plot and the lesson it was setting out to teach, while not terrible, felt a little tacked on. It was if the writers were trying to acknowledge the stuff that happened with Chloe and wanted to show an example of redemption arc done right in the case of Jagged. It falls flat because once again, more focus is given to showing how easy it is to be screwed over trusting someone than showing the benefits to trusting someone, especially since Bob is already an outlandish villain we already have a lot of reasons to hate.

I'm also mixed on the handling of Luka here. While I'm glad Marinette isn't being forced to learn a lesson here, I don't get why Luka had to be the one to be taken advantage of. He's already aware of how easy it is for Monarch to learn his secrets, so it feels weird that he lets himself and his friends get taken advantage of so easily. Outside of the scene with Ladybug's Lucky Charm, I don't get why he needed to tell the others the stuff he knew. I can sort of see why he'd tell Adrien, but why would he think telling his friends he knows who Ladybug and Cat Noir are wouldn't endanger them too?

Speaking of that, despite being established for almost an entire season, we really don't see enough of Marinette and Adrien reacting to Luka revealing that he knows who they are. Marinette only gets a few lines, and Adrien doesn't even get to say anything. While I am glad that Marinette and Adrien aren't dominating the plot for once, it feels weird that we don't get to see their reactions to something so shocking, especially with how often the identity rule has been enforced.

On the other hand, the writing is still handled a lot better than usual. I like how Monarch chooses to change his strategy to focus on Luka halfway through the episode, and the idea of the risk using Luka for Ladybug's plan brings is an interesting one, even if they don't really go anywhere with it. The running gag with Bob constantly getting thrown off the Liberty is a funny one, and it proves you can actually write slapstick that doesn't involve humiliating Marinette. Who knew?

As a whole, while I think this is the best episode of the season so far, this episode still has its fair share of problems.

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... LUKA

Not counting the time Marinette got the award in my review of the Shanghai Special, we have the first character this season to get the Biggest Idiot Award twice. For someone who is usually smarter than the other characters, Luka made quite a few bad choices this episode. He decided to trust Bob Roth after he screwed him and his friends over in “Silencer”, he didn't think to read the contract he was offered, and after being endangered by what Monarch knows now, he decided to tell his friends and family that he knows who Ladybug and Cat Noir are, potentially putting them all in danger too. Yeah, the next few episodes will probably just ignore it, but there's always a chance Monarch could try another Optigami, even if he doesn't have the Peacock Miraculous anymore.

And with that, I'm officially done with the first half of Season 5. What do I think of it? Well, I think Immortan Joe said it best:

Yeah, this season was pretty boring, all things considered. To be perfectly honest, I struggled here more than I did last season because I wasn't sure what to say about half of the episodes I watched. There was almost nothing of substance these past thirteen episodes, and I could barely say anything other than “this episode is okay” or “this episode is bad”. Whenever I had ideas, they were usually extensions to things I've already talked about, like the Marinette angst, the historical and cultural inaccuracies, and the villains genuinely being incompetent. If you showed someone a few episodes of Season 1 and this season, outside of Monarch's new appearance, it'd be pretty hard for them to tell the difference.

But hey, maybe things will pick up in the second half of the season. Hell, maybe the next episode will be even better than this one, and... huh. Does anyone else hear an ominous whistling in the background?

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #monarch #monarch miraculous #luka couffaine #alya cesaire #ivan bruel #zoe lee #juleka couffaine #rose lavillant #bob roth #gold record #jagged stone #penny rolling #anarka couffaine #Youtube

[luveline]

hi im the one who asked if you still take requests lol okay so

a peter blurb where reader helps him get unstuck from his webs bc i can imagine him getting stuck in his webs multiple times bc hes a dork

thank you for your request! hope this is okay <3 SUGGESTIVE slight nsfw 18+ please

He's messing around with the catch on his web-shooters. They freeze up, make a sound he's never had the misfortune to hear, and expel a ridiculous heap of webbing fluid over both of his hands, one hand still holding the small screwdriver he'd been poking with. 

"Fuck," he says quietly. "Oh, fuck." 

He tries to pull his hands from the desk and finds the entire thing lifting, his notebook and cup of pens sliding off of one end, an array of tools off the other. His soldering iron tips, and that's when he panics.

He calls your name, loudly and urgently. 

You come running from the kitchen with your apron covered in flour and hands wet with fruit juice. "What?" 

"The soldering iron, round here. Quickly babe, can you grab it? Careful, don't burn yourself." 

The soldering iron has already scorched a black mark into the wooden slats. You wipe your hands down your front and reach for the covered part of the iron, lifting it from the floor and putting it carefully on the newly set down desk. 

He can hear your heartbeat, ticking fast. 

"I'm sorry," he says to you honestly. "Had a mishap." 

Your hands tremble. He wants to take them in his, knowing it's the simple effect of adrenaline rather than something being truly wrong and hating it anyways. 

"That's okay," you say. You smile, his favourite smile in this entire world, a dusting of white powder over one cheek and in your hair, and his heart leaps. 

Then he remembers his predicament. 

"How do I get you out?" you ask him, eyes wide as you take in the white mess. 

"Um," he hadn't really gotten that far yet, "you might be able to spatula me out?" 

You try your hardest. A metal spatula; a dessert spoon; very carefully, the edge of a knife. You can't free him, despite the materials springy, stringy consistency, he's stuck flat and tight to the wood. His hands feel weird. 

"And you just leave this stuff on buildings all over Queens?" you murmur with an exasperated smile. 

"I'll make a donation to the window cleaners of America," he says wryly. 

"Is that real?"

He laughs, the sound choked, wriggling his fingers uselessly. "No, babe."

You pout, abhorring to be the victim of a joke. 

"Get yourself out of this mess, then, Spider-Man." 

He tips his head back for a kiss and you pretend not to see. "Baby," he murmurs, bottom lip pushed out. 

"Baby," you mimic, eyes wide, blinking coquettishly. 

"Help me." 

"Help yourself."

He grins suddenly, and that puts an abrupt end to your teasing happiness. You grab the back of his chair and lean over him, eye to eye, upside down.

"What's that look for?" you ask quietly, suspicious.

"Help me out and I'll pretend you aren't being mean." 

"Or what?" 

He pulls against the webbing again, feeling the slightest bit of movement. "Or, in an hour or two when I'm free, you'll wish you had." 

You smirk. "You're forgetting something," you say warmly, straightening up. His panic flares as you leave, calling over your shoulder, "I like teasing you, and I like how it ends." 

"Sweetheart, you'll be sorry!" he calls, more bravely than he feels. He really has things to do today, like eat all the filling for your pies, and stare at you while you bake.

"I'm only what you made me!" you shout cheerily. 

He can't argue with that. He stares down at his hands, and figures he has a lot of time to decide on things he's gonna do to you when he's free.

#tasm peter parker #tasm peter x reader #tasm peter parker imagine #tasm peter parker x you #tasm peter parker x reader #tasm x reader #peter parker x reader #tasm!spiderman x reader #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!peter imagine #tasm!peter parker #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm! peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #peter parker oneshot #peter parker blurb #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #spiderman x you #spiderman fanfiction

[grapejuicegay]

I talked last week about how everyone freezes at the point of their lives that Kawi jumps from and stay stuck there in the future he sees (shoutout to @rocketturtle4). This week, we got confirmation through Pear and Kwan.

Kwan, who was in a no strings attached relationship with Not, knowing that he doesn't feel the same way, unable to say what she was feeling... where she stayed 12 years later up until Not and Pear's wedding.

And Pear, who was struggling with her relationship with her mother... @dribs-and-drabbles put it perfectly: "she wants to build the life for her own children that she never got herself. She wants to have the relationship her parents didn’t have, and wants to have the mother/daughter relationship she never got."

Pear, who knew how Not felt about her, who in the last timeline we saw went directly to him for what she needed when what she wanted was no longer working out for her.

And this week, within the little time Kawi spent not jumping ahead, they both got themselves unstuck. Kwan's feelings are out in the open and she has a definitive answer. Not is a terrible, terrible man, but it was a very similar conversation to the one between Pisaeng and Pear when Pisaeng finally let her down, giving her the chance to move on.

Pear, too, has finally said what she's feeling about her mother out loud

And realised it's not the best response. But with it out in the open now, she can also start to deal with it.

It's about catharsis. A good old fashioned 'let it all out and you'll feel better'. (@waitmyturtles I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole reading about Aristotelian catharsis and Hegel's preference of reconciliation and the overlap between the two to the point where I almost forgot what I wanted to say here. I'm going to leave the philosophers to you and read too deep into this episode instead - but like you mentioned here, another philosopher? potentially???)

And it's not the first time we're seeing this happen. It happens with Pisaeng.

I've been trying to figure out a way to talk about Pisaeng in episode 5 and how I don't think he went through an oh moment, but instead was making an effort to be truer to himself. He's said since the beginning

But how can he do that when he can't be open about himself, with himself, and around other people?

It's why there is so much of a focus on the "how are you feeling today?' sign and not just the rainbow flag. Because that is a question Pisaeng needs to be able to answer honestly. And when he's holding back so much of himself - largely due to his mother (see @bengiyo talk about Pisaeng's mom here) - he can't answer that question. Not until he talks to Max

Where his biggest hesitation comes when Max asks him what he shouldn't get the wrong idea about. Because Pisaeng's problem is that he can't say.

What's happening to him isn't that he's having a gay awakening - no, that happened a long time ago

What's happening to him now is that he likes someone and he's not sure when it happened. And him being unable to talk about it, being unable to let himself be in a gay club is not okay with him. Because if he can't be open with himself, how can he take care of someone else openly.

The moment he's able to say it to himself, he confesses to Kawi. And look at him at the club before and after

That's catharsis baybeeee.

And it also happens with Kawi - keeps happening with Kawi, actually. From the very beginning.

It starts with the first thing Kawi does when he sees his father again in what he thinks is a dream

He tells him he loves him (something they never used to do) and literally lets it all out, crying in his father's arms.

Kawi not being able to save his father isn't the biggest tragedy for me. Because he went back and didn't just tell his father that he loved him, he had a relationship with him. He showed him he loved him, apologised for the moments he regrets, looked out for him, made an effort to do something for him instead of just sitting there and letting him die - supported him.

It's still a tragedy, yes. But it's much less of one than we saw in the beginning.

Kawi doing things he always wanted to, just because he thinks it's a dream. That's catharsis too. Because for once he's actually letting out his thoughts and feelings.

When he calls his dad and apologises because he thinks he's a terrible person

There's a tragic sort of catharsis in there. Acknowledging what he doesn't like about himself because now he can move on from it, be a better person. And I think this scene was very carefully placed because it's immediately after this that Kawi goes and apologises to Pisaeng. It's after this that Kawi goes and begs Pear's dad for help. After this that Kawi convinces his father to be selfish for once and use his life savings for himself. (this scene should NOT have been deleted. but shoutout to @respectthepetty for finding it)

Talking about things, apologising, actually acknowledging what is wrong and making an effort to fix it, it's all catharsis. Especially for Kawi, when he spent all his time in the original timeline completely shut down, having done nothing with his life.

We even see a certain level of catharsis in Pear's mom. @dribs-and-drabbles pointed out the life and colour literally bursting out of her art. It's her expressing herself again - letting it all out - when that expression had disappeared from her life. It's a celebration where she had been struggling for so long.

And the culmination of it all so far is Kawi telling Pisaeng that he's worried about the negative effect he's having on other people's lives, for Pisaeng to come in and comfort him. Even when Kawi comes back from the last time jump, knowing he's coming back to his father's death, he comes back to Pisaeng's support.

It's about talking and letting it all out, and letting other people in.

#is this coherent #i've spent so long thinking about this #i'm just posting this and going to bed #it's everyone else's problem now #be my favorite #be my favorite series #I LOVE THIS SHOW OKAY

[gtunesmiff]

4 Common Problems with the Creativity Process in Songwriting

(Edited from an e-mail...)

Impostor Syndrome

The problem: Living in constant fear of being found out, for someone to point at you and say "this person is an impostor! I bet he doesn't even know what notes an Ebmin∆7(#9#11) is made up of!"

The underlying mindset: Thinking that making songs is a skill that you either have or don't have, and that there will be a clear point in your life where you'll suddenly be able to do it.

What you need to realize: This moment where you suddenly feel confident in your work doesn't exist. Learning a creative skill is a continuous journey.

What to do: At any given point, do the best you can, and learn as much as you can. That's all you can do.

Writer's Block

The problem: You have stopped writing regularly, out of fear that nothing good will come out.

The underlying mindset: Thinking that creativity is "god-given", an external source that you have no control over. And when it doesn't come, all you can do is wait.

What you need to realize: Creativity is driven by you. See it like a working relationship you have with your muse: the more work you do, the more your muse will feel obliged to chip in. But your muse is lazy: If you work for a few hours in a row, she'll ignore that. Do it every day, and she won't be able to ignore you.

What to do: Write with the sole purpose of activating your muse. The goal is not to write something good, it's to communicate to your brain that you are in creative mode.

Stuckemia

The problem: You're writing a song, and you're not making progress.

The Underlying mindset: If I get stuck, I must not have the talent, or I'm doing something wrong.

What you need to realize: You are stuck for a very simple reason: You have encountered a specific problem you’ve never dealt with before, and you don’t know how to solve it.

What to do: Figure out exactly what the problem is and brainstorm solutions. It’s ok to go for the obvious solution if you can only think of one (“but that would be such a cliche!”), it's more important to get unstuck than to be brilliant. You can always rewrite later.

Perfectionitis

The problem: Not finishing your songs because you're "fixing" and rewriting your music over and over again.

The underlying mindset: I can't release anything less than perfect or people might think I'm lazy or dumb. But what I liked last week seems obvious or uninspired now.

What you need to realize: As long as you keep pushing yourself, you will always be better tomorrow. But that doesn't mean yesterday's songs aren't worth releasing! Songs are time stamps. See them as diary entries: This is what you believed or thought when you wrote that song. It's not your job to rewrite every song until you love it, it's your job to write the best song!

What to do: Jump into the mind of your past self. Figure out what you actually wanted to say or do with your song when you wrote it, and then make that as clear as possible.

An Observation

Something interesting happened after my last mail. I asked you where you struggle the most with your process, but most of the emails I got concerned skills: how do I write melodies to lyrics, how do I write better melodies or chords, etc.

None of these are about process.

That's not to say that you didn't listen, rather it seemed to me as though most of you don't even know what process means and why it's so important.

In other words, the problem is you don't even know why you struggle.

You think you need to learn how to write chords or better melodies, or produce better.

But the truth is that if you don't have a process, none of these will get you anywhere, except stranded in a pile of unfinished songs. 

All creative work consists of two big parts:

Skill: how good you are at writing melodies, producing music, ear training, coming up with engaging lyrics, etc. This is the stuff we mostly teach at Holistic Songwriting Academy, and it involves both study and practice. Very important, but useless without:

Process: how you actually write songs. Which instrument do you start with? How do you make sure you don't get stuck and what do you do if you do get stuck? How do you make sure your songs get finished, and that they're as best as they can be? How can you enjoy the creative process, and write more songs quicker? How do you make sure you don't drive yourself crazy? How do you deal with your ego, your perfectionism? How do you deal with tight deadlines?

~ Friedemann Findeisen || Holistic Songwriting

[adinafay]

Astarion & Freeing the Gnomes

I know I'm not the only one to have opinions about Astarion's approval/disapproval of stopping or encouraging Nere from killing the gnomes after you get them all unstuck. Lots of people think he shouldn't approve killing them, lots of people think he should approve saving them... However, I haven't seen anyone make the argument that he should approve of EITHER option; so, here's my thoughts:

Encouraging Nere: If you're evil, approval makes sense.

This is clearly presented as the "evil" option and everyone knows this is the one Astarion approves of in-game. This makes sense for Act 1 Astarion and especially in the context of an evil/gray play-through. Astarion is well-established to be prejudiced/racist against multiple other species, including gnomes and he would almost definitely get at least some degree of sadistic pleasure in watching the scene unfold. Also, Act 1 Astarion is by default very self-serving so he doesn't like to get mixed up in other people's business or do things that are a risk to his own health and well-being -- and Nere is clearly a potential threat. All that alone makes it logical he would approve of that choice; but now add in Tav being evil. If you're consistently making evil choices, that would also impact your relationship with Astarion. How he sees you and how his character arc will progress throughout the story are directly related to Tav's choices. In an evil playthrough, Astarion's prejudices and susceptibility to power are intentionally brought to the forefront and those are both reflected in him approving of this choice. In a more gray game, Act 1 Astarion is still early enough in his personal journey, and not so pushed by you, that it still honestly doesn't seem all that far-fetched to me.

In a more good playthrough, this approval makes less sense; it would make more sense for even Act 1 Astarion to be pretty neutral on this. More of a pragmatic "not my place to say anything, do what you want" sort of attitude rather than actually endorsing it. However, in a good playthrough you wouldn't make this choice. So, from a character-rp perspective, the fact that the game has him coded to approve the evil decision should be irrelevant. HOWEVER...

Saving the Gnomes: If you're good, disapproval doesn't make sense.

Astarion's disapproval of the "good" option here - saving the gnomes - ONLY makes sense in an evil/gray game. In a more-consistently good playthrough, you've effectively spent all of Act 1 encouraging him to be his best self and showing him kindness where he hasn't known it before. It also feels clear, even with his racial prejudices, that he has the capacity to empathize with, and appreciate your kindness towards, other creatures such as Scratch, the Owlbear cub, and Auntie Ethel. With that in mind, even Act 1 Astarion should approve of saving the slaves from Nere. He would relate to their plight and, even if he would rather not be in the middle of other people's problems and doesn't really care about the gnomes for their own sake. He would smile, nod, and enjoy you proving, yet again, that you care about others and could actually care, just maybe, about him too.

Like for the evil option above, the coded-approval of the option you don't choose shouldn't impact the character-rp. Also, frankly, even in an "evil" game him approving of this option still makes sense; or, at least as much sense as him approving of feeding the owlbear cub does.

So back to my point: Astarion SHOULD approve of either option.

It's also important to me that it's viewed as "either" and not simply "both," too, because it's a game and character growth is determined by the choices that are made, not the one's that aren't. You can't judge evil-route Astarion by 100% of the same opinions that good-route Astarion has and vice-versa. The whole POINT is that there's different ways for his character to grow and change, for worse or for better, and Act 3/ endgame Evil Astarion is a DIFFERENT CHARACTER then Act3/endgame Good Astarion. This is simply a scene where, unlike all the other scenes that affect approval ratings I have played through, his disapproval doesn't ever make a ton of sense and his approval sometimes doesn't at all. His explicit disapproval in this scene feels so jarringly out of character if you've been playing anything but a particularly evil Tav.

I think in an ideal world there would be a mechanic where in-game approval/disapprovals can change based on 1-1 dialogue interactions, so that the emphasizing the good/the bad of companions becomes even more significant... but that quickly complicates things when, again, choices that you don't/wouldn't make shouldn't impact your opinion of a character from an RP perspective. If he just approved you picking either option, and we as players stop using 100% of approval/disapprovals to judge intentionally dynamic characters, it could be so much better.

#idk i'm just rambling #I have so many feelings #Astarion #bg3 astarion #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 act 1

[top-tier-tickles]

Pipe Dream

This is a Bendy and the Dark Revival tickle fic I wrote on impulse. I hope you enjoy.

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR BATDR!!!

______________________________________

"Hey, wait!" Audrey called to the mysterious lost one. Sadly, he had disappeared in mere seconds.

She followed him through, carefully balancing on the giant pipe. Why exactly was she so drawn to this lost one? Was it the tools he had? Or maybe it was because he didn't seem to want to kill her?

Audrey made it across the pit, her adrenaline spiking as she heard the chains creak and break, sending the pipe all the way down.

She's not getting back over there anytime soon.

Picking up some slugs, she walked through the door, leading to another path made up on pipes. A giggle heard in the distance.

She crawled through the pipe, and happened upon a strange predicament.

The lost one was there, wiggling around. It seemed he got stuck in the pipe when he tried to go through it.

"Oh! Hello there. Are you looking for the way out?" He asked, taking notice of Audrey standing there.

"A way out would be nice..." She replied, "Um, are you.....stuck in there?"

"Aheh heheheh, hm. Well, yes, and I'm afraid that means, well, you're stuck too."

"Can't you move?"

"Not an inch. U-uh, Perhaps you could get me unstuck?"

"I'll see what I can do..."

When the lost one nodded, Audrey began to think. What could she do? There were no tools around to try and pry or pull him out. She looked down at her left hand, the illuminated symbol on it glowing....maybe....

She knelt down to the lost one, reaching her hand to the mass of ink that held him in place. The lost one leaned back, giving Audrey some room.

"Ok, just hold still.." She said.

She touched the ink, feeling it as it began to slowly bubble and fade away.

Suddenly the lost one began to wiggle around, slowing down the process.

"Eheeheeheeheehee! Oh, that tickles!" He giggled out. He tried to turn his body away from her hand, feeling tingles on his side and hip as her power got rid of the ink against his body.

Tickles? Audrey had to admit, it was surprising to hear that an ink monster knows what tickling is, let alone actually be ticklish.

And it looks like this lost one has it pretty bad...

"Ohohoheeheeheehee! Heeheehee!"

"I-I'm sorry, but please try to hold still..." Audrey said.

"I-I'll try! Hehehehehehahaha!"

The lost one stiffened, trying to stay as still as a statue. Audrey put her hand back on the ink, beginning to wither it away again.

As the ink slowly melted down, the tingles got worse, now closer and stronger, and the lost one soon lost his composure.

"AHAHAHA! Ahohohohohoho plehehehease! Hehehehehehee!"

"Sorry! Sorry! I'm trying to get you out faster!"

"P-plehehehehehease hurry!" She could hear the lost one's feet kick against the walls of the pipe below, she must be getting close.

It was only a few more seconds of giggling that the lost one fell down the pipe, the ink fully gone. He didn't seem to mind sliding as high speeds, however.

"WEEEEHEEHEEHEEEE!" His laugh could be heard, fading away as he went down.

Audrey stood, deciding whether or not to jump down after him, she turned to the entrance behind her, remembering the fallen path over the pit. She had no other choice.

Audrey jumped down, being much more fearful than the lost one.

She miraculously landed on her feet without snapping an ankle. Standing up fully, she turned and saw the lost one getting off the floor.

"Thank you very much for your help, and the laugh! I needed it." He thanked her, laughing. He didn't seem to mind being tickled.

"The name's Porter, by the way. And who might you be?"

"Audrey...." She answered hesitantly.

"Audrey? Audrey! Auuuuudreeeeyy...." he repeated her name, as if he was thinking about something.

"Nope! Don't like it, doesn't suit you. I'll call you....Bobby!" He suddenly said.

"Huh?"

"And as a thank you for your feat of rescue, here's a little gift! Something I've learned..."

Porter reached for her left hand, taking it in his, and closing his eyes. Audrey's eyes glowed, and she felt her power growing.

"Hm. There we are. It's passed on" He said, "Now....You can move like me! Hohohehehaha!"

Porter reached out to a giant pit, suddenly zooming across to the other side.

"Hohoho! Goodbye, Bobby! Try not to die!" Porter laughed again, walking away.

Audrey stood there, dazed. She looked down at her hand, then back where Porter had gone.

"That was weird..."

______________________________________

THE END.

#batdr #porter batdr #audrey batdr #batdr tickles #batim tickles #batim #there was a wasted opportunity to have Porter say that her power tickles #not a ship #if you tag as ship ill kill you

[r95irth]

Will- oh-WIPs!

I think I'm going to start this weekly (or monthly) post to boost my confidence. (and convince myself that my WIPs do go forward) Order is important it's priority list.

Burning Roof - Chapter 115 is being beta-read. Chapter 120 is being written - Page 2/10 It's the most important part of this arc and I can't mess this up or it will fuck one character's arc for the rest of the story (pressure? nah)

Just a Drop - Chapter 30 Bonus - Finished - 20 pages in total - JGY's scar missing plot point dealt with LXC, a tiny bit with NMJ + MXY's secret boyfriend reveal. Waiting second reading from me + beta-reading eventually. I'm so happy I finished this, I was stuck on it for so long because the smut part blocks me (there's no smut, I chicken out, and followed my dear beta's advices and it works)

Jiaoren - Chapter 7 - Page 1/10 - Xiyao AU where MY is a Jiaoren in Sunshot and Jiaoren's flesh can grant immortality if given willingly. Unstuck myself last month on this Xiyao + wangxian story. It was supposed to be a short story it's not going to be that. I'm not surprised :c

Ghost story - At Page 42 - Xiyao + 3zun dynamic fix it supposed OS that is (surprise) not going to be an OS, I was stuck because I started it after a dream and I had 0 plot. Currently scripting and plotting it with the help of my beta to whom I finally asked for help. I have the start + the end but still figuring out the middle and how-to-get-to-the-climax part (the most difficult one for me)

Heaven official - Xiyao where JGY ascended at the end of MDZS. Went wild on twitter a few days ago with the idea, scripted this completely, wrote the prologue of 1 page and half. Ahahha. Fortunately Shiome made an awesome art of the core idea so accidentally my brain is fed, let's see how long it holds until it comes back scratching and hissing.

9 months - Scripted completely !! Now time to write the first page. Still figuring out the first line.

Freaky Friday MDZS version - Serie of OS where sibs characters of the serie swap place to fix canon. Vaguely scripted. I wrote 1 and half page of a prologue and now I'm chapter 1 with the first word JIN ZIXUAN and that's it. I know next scene is JZXuan pov waking up at the Yunping brothel at the age of 8. But brain wants to draw it not write it.

Cultivator.exe - Chapter 2 - Page 10/10 - Brain is like : no plot, only slice of life, and body is like : no plot, no progress.

KittYao - Chapter 2 Page 5/10 - Self explanatory title? JGY wakes up as a cat because of XY. No script only vague plot. Brain wants to draw it, not write.

Nice to meet you - Chapter 6 / 44 pages in total - I have to rewrite this in omniscient pov, I decided. I do not know how to write omniscient pov, brain replied. Then we're stuck, we said. what about drawing it, wouldn't that be omniscient pov by default? Brain whispered, we never tried a WEBCOMIC format, maybe it will be fun! Lazy ass who knows how much work a comic is not listening.

Take Care - Wrote a bonus chapter about Maho's feeling toward Satoru that is around 20 pages, decided I didn't like that but I like what I wrote and now I don't know where my characters are at so we're all stuck. Next chapter is 20 pages long and far from over and I'm tired. I walkway get stuck every 20 pages that' why Home format is better it's 10 pages chapter so I get comment boosted. Waiting to see if BNHA's end will give me a fan boost to come back. If not, I will write an alternative end and wrap Take care at Satoru and Mahô getting to UA and todomomo getting a positive pregnant test.

Novel number 1 - 5irth - Have to re-read and re-write the first part then publish it on KDP eventually after maquetting it. I hate re-writing + I have to re-write in French and I'm scared I lost my level.

Novel number 2 - Constellations - Stuck with one character's power in one book, stuck with the plot in the other book. It's in French too. Brain wants to draw it/turns it into a webcomic. I hate that loop.

If you want information about any of this WIP or a tiny sample of it, feel free to send a request/ask here. I don't have a life anyways, I've got things to write instead.

Yes it's too many WIPs, I know. But I have an explanation for that : it's hard to live with my brain. It stays rent free inside my head and I can't get it out.

#wips #mdzs #fanfic #Xiyao mostly #not gonna lie BR is probably going to be my last real 3zun #will-oh-wips

[thebreakfastgenie]

for WIP asks the 4th of july fic.

and ik you were already quite generous with it but would love to hear anything else about 69

Sorry it took so long to get to this one! I was really excited about it and then I was either too busy or too tired to answer it properly!

The 4th of July fic my take on a time loop. It's contained within GFA. Hawkeye relives July 4th, 1953, over and over again, trying desperately to prevent tragedy on the bus, while no one else remembers. I was actually influenced a lot by Slaughterhouse-5, even though it's not a time loop. Billy Pilgrim is unstuck in time and sometimes that means he's living his post war life and wakes up back in the bombing of Dresden. That's certainly what PTSD can feel like. So I started thinking about how I could use a time loop as a narrative device.

The time loop takes the emotional experience of reliving a traumatic event over and over again in your mind, of being trapped in that moment, and makes it a physical one. A common component of time loop stories is that the protagonist must prevent something terrible from happening, and only when the bad outcome is averted will the loop be broken. This, too, reflects an emotional experience, the constant "what could I have done differently? how could I have stopped this?" Maybe the real time loop was the trauma we had along the way.

In this case, Hawkeye is trying to save the lives of everyone on the bus. I don't want to say too much about the loop, because part of the story is going to be figuring that out as Hawkeye does. Just as the loop is about trauma, breaking the time loop is about moving forward. This fic gets very heavy and dark towards the middle, but it's not a pure angst fic, it's just what the story requires. In the end I would say it's about choosing hope.

The idea is basically what if GFA was a time loop, and we only saw one iteration of it? That means it's fairly canon-compliant. I'm also trying to incorporate a lot of details from GFA. I can't share a snippet, but I'm hoping to finish it by July 4th, 70 years after the day it's set, so if I manage it you'll see it soon!

****

I am more than happy to share more about untitled 69. I'm trying to motivate myself to work on it, at least once 4th of july is done. I had a ton of momentum on it a few months ago and then I got sick and it got left in this very chaotic, mid-draft-reorganization state. This fic was supposed to just open with Trapper at the reception for the new chief of thoracic surgery, where he meets Charles, but in true me fashion, I ended up getting into Trapper's homecoming and emotional state and in the process writing about a bunch of stuff that happened earlier. One thing I'm excited about is how Trapper relates (or doesn't) to his colleagues. He has one friend who's close enough to know about Hawkeye, because I needed someone to bounce Trapper off of in dialogue, and I really love the dynamic that developed between them. I don't think this snippet is as good as the last one, but:

Trapper tugged at his collar. He was having trouble breathing, though he knew that had more to do with the fog of cigarette smoke than the snugness of his tuxedo. If Louise were here, she would scold him—it had taken her ages to get his bowtie right—but she wasn’t here, so she could keep her comments to herself.  Louise hated these things almost as much as he did. Working class girls either grew up into women who loved glamor or hated it, and Louise had never seen any use for it. It was one of the things he loved best about her, and probably what drew him to the nurses in Korea, besides proximity—their short fingernails and practical attitudes. 

This is Trapper being miserable at the party (more on that later!) and me fleshing out both him and Louise a little bit.

#thank you!!! #this one really did take so long because I wanted to do it right lol

[jirai-bpd]

1/22/24 ;; 1:30 AM ☆

vent.

i hate that i'm starting to associate love with feeling sick. i used to love being in love. it was the most intense feeling in the world- even more than anger- and it felt like doing crack. your heart speeds up in a good way and it feels amazing and you feel invincible. but now i just feel sick. now when my heart speeds up, i get anxious, and it's all downhill from there.

i think about 👁 and feel sick. i think about ☕️ and feel sick. sometimes i think about ⌨️ and feel sick. i don't know what's wrong with me. one bad relationship, and i'm doomed forever? i don't wanna feel sick when i talk to people who are nice to me and who are supposed to love me. i'd rather be angry than this. i'm so used to the anger. the anger comes and goes and it's fine. but sick? how do you get used to feeling ill?

i have an allegra stuck in my throat. i take them to regulate chronic hives. something something too many histamines in my blood. but i took it like 3 hours ago and it's been stuck and i don't know how to get it down. part of my brain keeps insisting if i just take more of them, they'll all go down. drinking water wasn't helping and i can't eat this late, but taking more might work, and get it unstuck.

or, alternatively, that could be the excuse i'm giving myself, because i really just wanna micro-ovrdse on something that won't kill me. give myself something to really feel sick about.

#🪦 vent #💊 med #💉 ex #landmine type #landmine girl #actually bpd

[gisellevgonzalez]

Because I need to vent

It's been a while since i've posted something. I'm not sure where to start... I am living my best life but also one of the hardest time of my life. I am incredibly blessed but often get sad and numb. I have a lot of happy moments in my life but I wouldn't necessarily call myself a happy person. I feel wrong for feeling like this. I know if I tell someone this they could only think of all of the great things that I have going for myself. Just this year I graduated with my masters, traveled to Europe, had great memories with friends and family, and just recently got a new job that I should be ecstatic for but I'm not? Don't get me wrong... I am happy but also not excited. Lately it's been hard for me to feel excited for anything- for the future, or the present. I'm not sure if I'm unmotivated or if its hopelessness I struggle with. I don't always struggle with it but when it hits me it hits like a truck. But this year + has also been one of the hardest on my family with church/ ministry struggles and people leaving, my family struggling to keep the house and now it got taken away and we have no home, and the usual- the struggle with my brother. My sanity has been with me living an hour away in my own apartment and only coming home 2-3 times a week. But God has brought me back home and unconsciously it feels like he took that away from me. I felt as though I had nothing left for me in this city and I can't deny that submitting to God's will has been painful and i've tried to fight it but I want nothing else than to surrender my life that belongs to him. However, I have been left bitter and distant from God because of it. This year has been with so many ups and downs spiritually, but a lot more downs. I have no christian community and fellowship. The Sunday service word no longer feeds me. And I am left to getting out of this spiritual drought on my own. (to be continued) 👇🏼

But it has also been interesting because I am growing with God and do have my intimacy and closeness with him. I don't mean to be distant but it's hard when I am constantly at battle with life + myself and I am left exhausted. I know it's all for a purpose and that he's molding my character and future, but I can't deny that sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and all I want is to get unstuck but he wont allow it. Being back home is hard because there is constant stress. There is always something my parents are struggling with and now even more. They need a break from life but I can't give that to them. So I watch. And I carry that burden and weight I was never meant to carry. I didn't want to come back home. I wanted to stay in my apartment and be independent and now I am back and I want to cry all the time. I begged God that this wouldn't happen and now I have nothing left within me. He made me aware I was running away but that's what I wanted. There's also the part that I am about to turn 26 and I am back to living with my parents and the icing on the cake is that I am still single. Everything I hear has to do with "when I am going to get a boyfriend, why don't I have a boyfriend, what am i doing to get a boyfriend" honestly I'm tired of that too. Tired of hearing it, tired of being single, and tired of boys. I have no desire to "put myself out there", get on a dating app, or being set up with someone people know. At this point it just feels unrealistic the idea of me getting a boyfriend and getting married. But everyone around me has no problem in that department. I don't want to feel like I'm complaining but I cant help it. I have all these negative thoughts I have to wrestle with but I give in to them time and time again. One of the big ones is that I don't know what I have to look forward to. But then logic kicks in and I know this isn't permanent and that there are so many amazing things that are in store for my future. But how can I be happy for the future when I am focused on the struggles of today? I hope to look on this a year from now and feel different. Not feel the need to cry or numb myself almost everyday. And that I'll read this and realize it was such a little thing. Life is short and fragile and the struggles for today will mean nothing in the future. But rather I'll be able to look back and hopefully see the purpose in all this and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you're doing better Giselle. I hope you find meaning and joy in this life. I hope this sadness you feel isn't ongoing. I hope there a brighter and better days ahead. 🤍