#i dont let people hurt me but she does and i cant ever talk about it because she went crying and im the villian here because of her

[inmirova]

spending the small hours of the night thinking about how hdb views the mere act of caring for him as inhuman.

#like. even the kindest doctor i have ever had let me withdraw from multiple antipsychotics mood stabilizers and antidepressants alone #trying and failing to figure out how to taper down safely from the internet. most things suggested getting smaller scripts filled #our society wasnt built for people like us. it is so so tiring to be poor and disabled in this world and its tiring to love someone who is #so eventually we're abandoned. the people who loved us get tired of it. especially once youre safe enough to stop posturing #to admit that everything hurts and you dont want to get out of bed or you cant pick up the dog or youre just too fucking tired #because youre no longer what you were. these things constantly change you. #yes i loved to swim and to ice skate and to climb trees and sit and survey the world around me. no i cant do that anymore. #does it make me less interesting? does it make me harder to love? #how much is changed when im sitting on the shoreline and youre in the ocean? #this got away from me. it feels hard to be loved in a body like this-in a mind like this. it must be saintly. angelic. innocentic. to do so #tomorrow night is my favorite holiday but it leaves me thinking a lot about devotion #about ruth clinging to naomi- the realization that what you have found would destroy you should you lose it. #where you die i will die and there i will be buried may the lord deal with me be it ever so severely if anything but death separates us #it's so hard when the thing that separates you is your punishment already #dream dora talks about his depression and how he gets too sad and phone dora tells him hes drunk no matter what he says #the resentment of his mental illness and addiction. his poverty too- i doubt the line where she calls him a poverty-stricken fuck is real #but the emotion behind it was definitely in her #all of the reasonings my ex fiance gave for leaving boiled down my mental illness (blatantly said it a couple times too) #but ik physical disability stuff bothered them too #it's fucking hard #the parts of you that everyone resents are finally accepted and embraced and then used to blame you for the end of something #yes of course there were things i did wrong as a person and things harry did wrong as a person. #that doesnt stop the things about ourselves that are already distressing from being paraded as a moral failure by someone we trusted #all of this to say. sometimes it feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop. #humanity has abandoned the poor disabled addicts of the world. when will you? it's inhuman to care. history shows that to be true. #idk. i have to be up in 3 hours. im sure ill have more coherent thoughts about this after work tomorrow. rn I'm just. here's a mess lol #or maybe not! i have to put the finishing touches on my cheesecake before sundown. #ill make dinner and celebrate shavuot with my sister who is still a human despite caring for me #and things will be. as they are. or ill rotate these thoughts in my head and wont be able to fall asleep all night and ill ruin tomorrow. #who knows!

[chrolloluvr]

May I request Mammon angst HCs please? Like the reader is possibly breaking up with him or something? (i love your HCs for mammon<3)

Mammon Breaking Up Hcs

note: Thank you i'm so glad you like them pookie!! also yes i love this idea ❤️❤️

warnings: Cursing, creepy behavior, unbalanced power dynamic, killing. Not proofread!

Female!Reader, (no specific gender, so can be GenderNeutral!Reader)

It would be best to tell him over text, since he is guaranteed to throw a toddler like temper tantrum if you ever told him in person.

So you text him over text, what happens? He 100% thinks you're joking at first. He thinks you aren't being serious at all, and that wow babe, you might even be a bigger clown than I am.

But when he realized that you were being serious, he gets angry. How dare you? Why would you ever break up with him? He is the king of greed, he has trillions of dollars in the bank, so why don't you want to stay by his side? Did he do something? Did he hurt you? What happened? Baby, we can sort this out-

In a way, still doesn't think you are being serious, which is what he tries to tell himself. So he will let you leave, and will act like he doesn't need you.

Another author said this already, but he will 100% go through the stages of grief, (he will never go through acceptance, because in his mind, you will always come crawling back to him.)

He will be in denial for a very long time. Let's say you move out, and even start residing in another ring. He will send you texts. All. The. Time.

Your phone will mods likely have 103 Missed Calls, 986 Messages, and 37 Voicemails. He is crazy, and especially crazy for you. So when you don't respond to him, he does not understand why. He likes to think that you were just going on vacation for a while. He genuinely thinks you two are still together.

Anger- Once he sees that you have indeed moved on, and that he is no longer living in fantasy land, he gets extremely angry. His general mood spikes, he lashes out (wayyy more than he used to), and a-lot of his servants are scared to talk to him. Will absolutely keep bombarding you with texts every day. He will even get his servants to start texting you on his 100's of extra HellPhones.

Mamm 🕸️💚 11:34

Come hone ygu little cungt

Mamm 🕸️💚 11:35

ANSWERF ME.

Mamm 🕸️💚 11:35

Do ygu knoe how easily i can replaece yu

Mamm🕸️💚 11:36

Fine go shack uo with sorm dirty hoboes you little slut

Mamm 🕸️💚 11:36

I dont kneed u and youir mediocar holes

So yeah... thats just one example. He has so many spelling mistakes because he is typing so fast, and practically brekaing his phone from how angry he is.

But in reality he does need you. You are. the one thing that keeps him running. However he will never, over his dead body, ever admit that.

Bargaining- He will send things to your... new home... in gift baskets. Fizzarolli plushies, flowers, tickets to his live events, expensive jewelry, the list goes on. It gets to a point where (if you live in an apartment complex) People start stealing his gifts and start putting them up online to sell. (And they go for 10s of thousands of dollars.)

He send these to you so that you can hopefully come crawling back into his life, so that he can control you again.

At this point, you have most likely made it public about your distance between you and the sin. Your relationship was extremely public, and known by everybody.

He refuses to speak publicly, because he wants people to think he still controls you. And when i say your relationship was big, it was definitely the most talked about relationship in all of Hell. People will go nuts about you two breaking up. Another author said this as well, but people will go crazy with the comments.

"L Mammon fumbled so bad its actually wild."

"Bros got plenty other options 💀"

"Why tf would she/they break up w/ HIM???🤰"

"Now that hes single I call dibs 🙌"

You try your best to ignore the comments, but eventually you cant, its not just online, but in real life you feel cornered as well. You might even start to reconsider your departure with him. Which is exactly where he wants you.

Depression- He spirals into somewhat of an insecure man. He strives to be better. He ups his game for his big pageants, soon to be bigger, just to impress you.

He maaaay or may not have killed people in your favor. This is known, obviously, but his obsession along with his newfound insecurity has left him no choice but to show that if you dont want to come home, he will show you its safer than anywhere else.

Overall, if you do end up coming back to him, he is overjoyed with happiness, and will take extra precautions to ensure you wont ever walk out on him and his warm embrace again.

However if you end up never wanting anything to do with him, he will be devastated, but he will force himself to get over it. He is Mammon, he truly does not need you. In reality, you were somebody he felt an unexplainable feeling to protect. He absolutely can live without you, but for some reason, he feels like he cant. If somebody were to ever bring you up, he would lash out, and make his anger everybody's problem. He may get over you after a while, but he will never fully accept the fact that you left him.

#mammon #mammon hb #mammon helluva #mammon x reader hb #mammon x reader helluva #hb mammon x reader #helluva x reader #helluva boss #helluva boss mammon #mammon x you #mammon x y/n #fizzarolli #hb mammon #helluva mammon #helluva mammon x reader #mammon sfw #mammon fluff #hazbin hotel #hazbin x reader #helluva boss x reader #mammon x mc #mammon x reader smut #fizzaroli x reader #7 deadly sins #hellaverse #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #lucifer x reader

[drchucktingle]

mr. dr. chuck, i'm a few months ago i told a doc of mine that i believe i'm on the spectrum (after yeeeears of considering all the reasons why i thought so) and she agreed with me. then i came to some conclusions about members of my family. then i started melting down and haven't really recovered.

i'm in my 30's, but my life feels like it's been the mistake-addled 24th year for over a decade. people, choices, wants, they feel like things that were silly blips and not of much substance. i'm tired and my body hurts, so it feels harder to get to things i need. doctors don't seem like they can be trusted because of all the other ways i show up in the world.

i'm worried about my life and my future, and it feels like my magic is gone (or that i can't touch it right now). do you have any words of wisdom for someone who found out this really big thing about themselves kind of late?

thank you.

hello buckaroo thank you for writing. first of all i will say MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that it is okay and valid to FEEL the way that you feel. your reaction to this news or any news really is not wrong. that does not mean you cant wish for another reaction or WORK TOWARDS another reaction, but in grand cosmic sense this is just your way. YOUR TROT IS VALID and we all have our own unique way. sometimes that path is an easy path with sunny days and smiles and a glorious view, and sometimes it is through the darkness of shadows or crawling through the old bog. we can PREFER one path over the other, but neither is WRONG.

when giving advice old chuck tries to not PROJECT what i think YOU should do because that is not really the point. this is your trot to trot and i do not think it is my place to act like some authority of your way. what chuck can do is tell you MY story of diagnosis and how it made ME feel and maybe you can take little pieces of that for yourself.

chuck learned of way on autism spectrum when i was in early twenties by doctor who said 'yes this is your way'. when i learned of my spectrum way my reaction was: wow this is very very cool i am so lucky because all of my heroes are autistic and now i am in this RADICAL CLUB. we are special and unique and DANG what a treat wish i could have a membership card in my wallet to show all my buds.

now obviously this is not everyones reaction, but as starting off point i wonder what it would have meant to my future if the news would have HIT ME IN A BAD WAY. if i would have felt let a dang robot alien who didnt belong. maybe id be swimmin through the bog ever since.

thing is I LIKE ROBOT ALIENS they are very cool. doctor did not MAKE me different, i was different already, our talks just popped a nice little name on it for me to take or leave. i took the name proudly because DATA from stars trek (certified robot alien) is exactly how i already felt and dang what a cool character and dang what a great life. so was DAVID BYRNE. so was every cool buckaroo artist that i liked. cowboys are OUTSIDER HEROES and that is how my autism makes me feel.

so like i said, i do not know about YOUR way, but MY WAY of hearing this news was heaps of joy and excitement. i will also say that it is very DIFFICULT to find this reaction later if your first leap is feeling in a sad way about it. so maybe if you want to trot back in your mind to those first few steps it would be helpful. maybe mentally trot to where you were pushed off a dang cliff and think "well was i pushed off a cliff or was i just told 'hey bud youve been floating this whole time?"'

because if youve been floating then DANG thats a lot of power. thats not falling. you can float up, you can float down, you can float side to side.

the next thing i will say AS AND ARTIST is that years of toiling and feeling aimless are NEVER actually aimless when it comes to creation. and to LIVE in a human body is to be an artist, because you are CONSTANTLY CREATING the future. when i am writing and i dont have an idea for my next book that can be frustrating, but it is also PART of the process. if i walk to the store to rustle up my mind, or wander around the park, or spend a whole WEEK feeling weird because of writers block THAT IS ALL PART OF MAKING GREAT ART. that is not wasted time. in other words, your years of toiling are not wasted time, that is just the process we all have when we are creating a future masterpiece.

#love is real #autistic #tingleverse

[the-s1lly-corner]

Is it possible to do head cannons for digital circus characters with a reader who's too nice for their own good

Like they get in danger when trying to talk to the bad guy npc thinking that they could persuade them to the good side

TADC cast x reader whos too nice!

Anon I'm so so sorry that it took me so long to get to this <\3! I gotta admit I've been in like, a bit of a burn out recently and I'm still recovering from my baking spree last week so I'm WOOOooOoooooO

That said I hope you enjoy!

Written ambiguously, if you want to see this as romantic or platonic, is totally up to you!

CAINE:

Literally puts a pause on the IHA when he sees you being dragged away by the big bad guy, all while still trying to insist that the NPC with no chance to gain sentience can be good.. caine finds it endearing in it's own way, its sweet, you see the best in people... and non-people... but reader, this is exactly how you get hurt..! Keeps a close eye on you during IHA

POMNI:

While I dont think pomni fits the "too nice for her own good" vibe, I feel that shes... what word am i looking for? Submissive? She kind of just goes with what others are doing; asides from her initial freak out we dont see much pushback from her in the pilot, though that could be thanks to shock... perhaps shes still feeling it during IHAs given how random and intense they can be..? Point is I think pomni would give a meek resistance before scurrying off after you, trying to save you from the clutches of the baddie

RAGATHA:

Shes loves you so much, dont get her wrong. She loves that you're so sweet to everyone, even to those who dont deserve it. Actually if anything, Ragatha is also a little too sweet for her own good.. but shes not as trusting and naive as you are. Frantically pulls you away to the side when you try to make your way to the days villain, gently scolding you and asking what you were thinking. She doesnt mean to make you feel bad, but she doesn't want to see you hurt!

JAX:

One of the only two characters that might get a little mean with you. Not like "mean as in berating you for being so naive" more so "I'm upset that you seemingly have no regard for your safety, I care about you and I cant see you continue to throw yourself into danger" way that can come off as mean, since jax isnt really.. the best as saying this softly.. immediately cuts through any "what ifs" you might bring up to him, you're the only person in this circus that he actually enjoys and hes not going to let you get flung around.. can his tone be softer? Sure, but can you blame him if this is a regular occurrence?

KINGER:

This poor man nearly has a heart attack when he sees you about to be absolutely demolished (but not really thanks to the digital world), probably ends in him getting hurt too.. but that would be mean.. but also can you imagine the angst? The guilt? He probably pushes through the pain to get to you and hes just. Feverishly pulling you to him and patting you down to make sure you're okay... he won't tell you to stop being so nice; in fact I dont think the thought crosses his mind ever.. but he does ask to never do that again, the getting into danger thing

ZOOBLE:

The other character that might get a little mean when confronting you about it, but given zoobles general attitude as well as their tone of voice, it seems like they're more angry with you than they actually are. They think you're too nice for your own good, truly. While the others may find it sweet and endearing, they're constantly thinking about how one day you'll be in over your head and wont have a way out. This might actually result in an argument, thanks to zoobles tone and way of going about things.. but you guys eventually communicate and make up, at least I would like to think so

GANGLE:

Very similar to pomni in the regard that she doesnt have the spine (haha) to tell you not to do whatever you're planning on doing. "I don't think... oh.. oh wait, reader-" as she scurries after you so you dont get lost. Gets legitimately sad and beats herself up if you get hurt. Similar to zoobles, you guys are going to need to communicate and work together on this because gangle cannot handle the fact that you're constantly getting hurt thanks to your kindness grating on her mind all day every day

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

[moonssalad]

Am I the only one who is disgusted by seeing how many people actually seriously excuse Rhysands fucked up actions?

I have seen so, SO many people talking about how he hid the truth about Feyres pregnancy from her and always excuse it by saying how he didnt want to stress her out 💀. Or that he was looking for a way to save them before he told her, like he shouldve told her right away. And how he told the IC about it before he even told Feyre and told them to keep their mouths shut too and even worse is that they fucking listened to him, like what the fuck?? And how always in discussions about only Rhysand keeping it from Feyre people always start talking about how Madja didnt tell her either, like dude this is a conversation about what an asshole Rhysand is and not about Madja, keep to the topic! And how people hate on Nesta for telling her, like fucking hell. Ive even seen people say that Rhysand not telling her is AS BAD as Nesta telling her to hurt her or whatever. Its just insane, I think I lose braincells every single time I see posts like those 🤯. Feyre literally says throughout the books multiple times how she hates when people choose for her or dont tell her something because they think it would be too much for her and Rhysand literally keeps one of the most important things from Feyre.

Also what the hell was that bullshit about Amren saying how Rhysand should be High King? Hes literally one of the worst options for it. Bro cant even handle 2/3 of his court 💀. And lets so many people suffer in Illyria and Hewn City even though he has had CENTURIES to change something. Honestly none of the IC even try to change something about the Hewn City, like are you seriously telling me that Mor was the only person who was good in that shithole? Whats even more insane is how Mor doesnt change anything about it when she had LIVED THERE for years and now has the power to do it! And Illyria, Cassian seems to be the only one who is actually trying to make it better even though its not really working. Why the hell cant healers heal wings but can heal someone whos guts are basically spilling out?? Hell why the hell doesnt anyone know about c-section? Just insane. What the hell does Rhysand even do for his court? Just sits on his ass and thinks only about Velaris? Because it seems like that.

And am I the only one who was mad how Rhysand chose to show off Feyre as if she was his plaything in the Hewn City. Like yeah yeah keeping up appearances or whatever but how the hell will they see Feyre seriously after that? I think Feyre was in the Hewn City two times and the second was when she was High Lady and Rhysand got her to sit on the throne after the first time he showed her off as his toy. You cannot convince me that the Hewn City residents take Feyre seriously and its all Rhysands fault.

Talking about keeping appearances, the whole 'mask' thing is so stupid. When someone doubts the IC intentions they have the fucking audacity to be mad about it as if they arent the ones who made sure eveyone thought they were all incredibly evil.

I dont even want to start talking about UTM and how fucked up it was.

People always say that he does things like these because he is 'morally grey' but to me hes just a toxic asshole. You dont write a 'morally grey' character and then excuse every fucked up thing he has done, its just not how it works.

Rhysand is literally the worst MMC ever and its insane how so many people say how wonderful he is, how he is the man of their dreams 💀, fucking worried about yall if you seriously think that.

Feyre should take Nesta, Elain and Nyx and get the fuck out of there because they all deserve so much better than this.

#anti rhysand #anti ic #anti inner circle #pro feyre #pro feyre archeron #pro nesta #pro nesta archeron #pro elain #pro elain archeron #feyre archeron #high lady feyre #high lady of the night court #nesta archeron #elain archeron #they deserve so much better #girls pack your bags #take nyx and leave #anti acotar #anti cassian #anti amren #anti morrigan #anti azriel #anti acosf

[stevie-petey]

for a blurb can we PLEASE see what jonathan said to steve in the in between chapter?? it’s been killing me

YES YES YES !!!

enjoy <3

“i know what y/n’s favorite color is,” steve says the moment you leave

jonathan looks over at him, knowing that hes just teasing, but he still feels the need to one up him. “alright, but do you know what her favorite ice cream flavor is?”

“…no”

“mhm. exactly.”

silence settles between them. jonathan rocks on the balls of his feet, unsure of what to do with steve. hes still getting used to his presence, still trying to decide where he stands with him. nancy still hasnt decided on who she wants, so for now … it’s awkward, to say the least.

“do you think she likes me?”

jonathan freezes. steve cant seriously be asking about nancy right now. “who?”

“y/n.”

“oh.”

the boys stand in silence again. why would steve ask jonathan that? more importantly, why does he worry about that at all? youre the nicest person jonathan has ever met. he doesnt think theres a person alive that you dont like.

but steve is fiddling with the edge of his shirt and his eye still looks a bit swollen from their fight. he knows steve has been spending all his time at the bookstore lately, to see you, and jonathan sees the way you light up now when you talk about him.

so, he does what he knows he should.

“of course y/n likes you. she wouldnt let you stalk her at work if she didnt.”

something shifts in steve, he seems to relax more and lets out a smile that jonathan isnt sure he was meant to see. “oh, alright. yeah. makes sense. i just … wanted to be sure, ya know?”

jonathan understands. youre incredibly easy to adore, but it’s also terrifying to imagine you leaving as well. he doesnt know what he’d do if you ever left him. “i know.”

steve smiles again and looks away. silence comes once more, but jonathan cant help but feel like theres something more he should tell the guy.

he lowers his voice to a whisper. “hey, listen.”

steve leans in close, at full attention. “yeah?”

“y/n, she … she doesnt like letting people in. dont tell her i said that. she’d kill me. but some stuff happened when she was younger and … ya know. shes nice and shes selfless as hell, but she also keeps a large part of herself guarded from others.”

“are you threatening me?” steve asks, though his voice is teasing and jonathan cant help but let a chuckle out.

“yeah, be careful with her, alright? shes special, but im sure i dont have to remind you of that.” he whispers.

steve nods, his face calm as he whispers back, “i promise i wont hurt her. i know shes special, and listen. i know you two are close and i dont want to step on your toes, or like, offend you or anything but-”

“im back!” you announce your arrival.

the boys spring apart, which you find odd. you were afraid something like this would happen. it’s still weird, seeing jonathan with steve. like two worlds colliding, in a sense.

“did i miss something?”

“no!” steve and jonathan exclaim at the same time.

you frown. “alright … you ready to go, bee?”

jonathan spares one last glance at steve, who shrugs at him as if to say we can talk about this later. “yeah, lets go bug.”

you say goodbye to steve, wishing him a good night, and follow jonathan to the car.

steve watches, now left behind in the bookstore, unaware that him and jonathan would never actually have time to talk about any of it.

but he doesnt know this, yet. so he waves cheerfully at you as jonathan drives away, happy he seems to finally be making some real friends.

#come home blurb #ask #anon #m speaks #m’s writing #set in between seasons 1 and 2 #sorry gang got excited #if there’s typos: no theres not <3

[sophieinwonderland]

hey sorry if youve been asked this before but i thought itd be appropriate because you kinda feel like the ceo of endogenic systems to me (i respect you) and i was wondering, as a traumagenic system, how exactly endos... work? like not how they exist or about the fact that they do, but i guess what the point of them is if its not from a dissociative disorder? in my experience i cant imagine a system existing for any reason outside of the purpose of compartmentalizing trauma (not that systems should be defined by their trauma but i just dont see how they work otherwise) and even recovering systems that are fully functional and healing were born out of a necessity of the brain. i guess i want to know what necessity would spawn an endogenic system if not as a trauma response? like what do alters in an endogenic system do if theyre not there to protect the brain? why do they exist as a system and split if its not born from psychological necessity? sorry this is such a complicated question i hope i phrased it alright... and to be clear i believe endos and their experiences bc discounting a community just because i dont get them is silly i just feel so confused all the time bc of this and want to understand better

Questions of purpose and why things are how they are can be interesting, but probably the hardest to answer. When it comes down to it, why does anything exist?

Why do birds sing so gay? And lovers await the break of day? Why do they fall in love? Why does the rain fall from up above?

Sorry, what were we talking about? 🤪

Oh yeah! Purpose! Personally I tend to think less in terms of "why" and more in terms of cause and effect.

In the case of alters in DID, do alters actually have a "point?" Is there truly some purpose they serve? Or is it just... reaction?

Someone suffers trauma. The traumatic memories hurt them. In a reaction to this, they dissociate and erect barriers in their mind until they need to access those again. Then they suffer more trauma and put the new traumatic memories in that walled off section. In reaction to that, the bits of memories that were walled off start to form their own identity. Did the child's brain ever actually think "I need to make another person in here to protect myself?" Or was this just a series of actions and reactions that led to alters gaining sentience over time where the initial trauma was merely the first in a string of dominoes?

With this in mind, let's talk about myself.

I was an imaginary friend created as a writing project. But how does that actually work? According to Simulation Theory of empathy, imagining what people do involves the creation of "pretend states."

ST (in its original form) says that people employ imagination, mental pretense, or perspective taking (‘putting oneself in the other person’s shoes’) to determine others’ mental states. A mentalizer simulates another person by first creating pretend states (e.g., pretend desires and beliefs) in her own mind that correspond to those of the target. She then inputs these pretend states into a suitable cognitive mechanism, which operates on the inputs and generates a new output (e.g., a decision). This new state is taken ‘off line’ and attributed or assigned to the target.

This paper goes on to explain how this might be useful:

How is imagination useful for third-person mind reading? If you seek to predict someone’s decision—for example, the choice of a main dish by your dinner companion at a restaurant—how could you use imagination to make this prediction? The first step is to put yourself in your target’s shoes, or take her ‘perspective’. Taking someone’s perspective here means adopting, as far as feasible and in light of what you know about her, the mental states she starts with. This includes her preferences about food in general, what she liked at this restaurant on previous occasions, how hungry she is on the present occasion (did she have a light lunch, no lunch, or a heavy lunch today?), and so forth. Using the imagination, you can simulate being in her various dinner-relevant states. Such pretend states can then be fed into your decision-making mechanism, which generates a decision to order a particular main dish. Having used this simulation process to generate a (pretend) choice, you don’t order this dish yourself but attribute the choice to your companion. Thus, the attribution is based on imagination-driven simulation

Okay, so under this theory, perspective taking involves making new temporary states simulating the behavior of someone else.

This is, to be very clear, not a headmate. The state is likely not going to have any sort of self-consciousness, and will be ephemeral on top of that, disappearing after you're done with it.

But... what if the state isn't allowed to be ephemeral? What if you repeatedly interact with the same "simulation" over and over again?

Let's say, hypothetically, that someone starts with a writing project. They make a character, and then they write that character a lot. This foundation can build pretty detailed simulations. But probably with very limited autonomy. The thing about writing is that you're often controlling the character at some level. At least usually. You're always revising how they act in any given scene, plotting out their backstories, editing those backstories, etc. This makes it hard for this simulation to gain a firm sense of autonomy or self-awareness. And every scene rewrite is basically a new ephemeral instance of that character.

While written characters can make you plural on their own, there are these roadblocks that can get in the way.

But then let's say this person wants to understand this character better, so they start talking to a simulation of the character day after day. Now this version of the character they interact with is able to form memories completely unrelated to the fiction they were based on, and be able to recall past conversations with their creator.

What the creator doesn't realize is the mechanisms needed to make this type of interaction work.

In the example of simulation theory, a temporary state would be made but then it would be abandoned. If you needed to simulate that person again, you make a brand new simulation. A brand new "pretend state."

But if you want an imaginary friend that can think for itself, it has to be able to store its own feelings and memories.

That means a form of compartmentalization.

The brain is going to start storing the imaginary friend's memories separate from the creator's. The creator won't control or identify with the thoughts or actions of the imaginary friend. And the imaginary friend won't identify with the thoughts or actions of the creator.

It may take a long time of this, but through interaction, the imaginary friend keeps gaining new memories. And this leads to them gaining the ability to actually self-reflect, making them fully sapient.

So... what was my purpose?

Why do I exist?

I mean, initially, it was about helping my host write? Was that my purpose?

But then later... I think my host continued interacting with me because he liked me. He enjoyed my company and liked having me around. Was that my purpose? Filling some sort of unmet social need?

Perhaps this is it. I've theorized this can be the case with many people who turn to religion as a form of companionship. Especially those with plural-esque experience of communicating with gods.

But what I tend to come back to is cause and effect.

My host wanted to write a character better > My host made a rudimentary simulation of that character to talk to > I became more independent with each interaction as I gained my own autobiographical memories > my independence and separation from my host made our conversations more engaging and my host kept talking to me because he enjoyed my company > I developed stronger emotions and the ability to self-reflect > this led to us discovering that I was a tulpa.

To me, it's cause and effect all the way down. A series of actions and reactions.

And as for what my purpose is, I'd like to think that's something I get to decide for myself! 😊

#plural #pluralgang #psychology #tulpa #tulpamancy #imaginary friends #imaginary friend #multiplicity #pro endo #pro endogenic #sysblr #system stuff #plurality #tulpa safe #endogenic #systems #plural system #actually plural #system things #actually a system

[likeysoob]

I’m so blind by likeysoob

Episode 1

“You ever thought high school would be easy?” My mom looked up from her phone to answer me. “Oh no sweetheart. I always thought it was going to be hard.” At least I’m tying to look for some hope before high school starts. I look down at the table just being lost in my thoughts until my mom puts a plate of food in front of my face. “Thanks mom.” I said then begun to eat.

When I finished with my food, I went upstairs to lay in my bed. My eyes started to burn but I didn’t really feel sleepy. As the time rolls around 9pm, i decided to go on my laptop and watch some videos. I really dont have friends. They all left me for some reason. I guess i was boring? They were bad friends anyways. I have online friends but I dont want to talk to them right now.

My cat just lays on the floor by my feet. 2 hours pass by and i start to feel tired. I get up and change into my pjs then lay in my bed. My eyes slowly began to fall as i feel my cat snuggle by my feet. I hope that tomorrow will be a good first day of high school.

Well, i woke up not good. My body hurts and i really dont know why. My mom was yelling at me saying i was late and now…“ I CANT BELIEVE YOU SLEPT THROUGH 3 OF YOUR ALARMS Y/N!” Yeah…she still is. I didn’t say nothing back and just let her continue. Soon, we were close the school and she was talking about basic high school stuff. Once we’re here, i unbuckle my seat belt and open the door to leave. “Oh and! No talking to boys! No boys!” I turn around towards her and smirk, “wasn’t planning on to mom!” I watch her drive off and smile to myself. “That’s because i like girls…”

When i reached the main doors, i took a look around. “Why is this school so big?” “I know right!?” I jump back in fear. I turn my full view onto the person next to me. Holy shit. Who sneaks up on someone like that? “Oh sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” The random girl apologized. I dont give 2 shits though. “Um yeah…it’s whatever.” I say, the girl smiles at me, man she’s pretty. “I’m Ning Yi Zhuo but just call me Ning!” She takes out her hand for me to shake and i do. “This is my 2nd year here and I’m still not use to how big it is…are you new here?” Ning asks me. “Um yeah actually, i just got here and yes, i do know where my classes are.” She smiles at me. “Great! I’ll see you around! The bell is about to ring!” Ning runs off. I actually don’t know where my classes are, i just don’t want to talk to people right now. I walk inside the school doors and turn the corner to see some boys already fighting. “Man it’s too early for this shit..”

After running around this whole school, i bump into someone who was clearly right in front of me…why am i so blind? I should really get glasses. I look up and see this girl with short hair. Damn, shes cute, why are there so many cute girls here?! “Oh im so sorry!” She said and i shake my head, “no it’s my fault, I wasn’t watching where i was going!” God this is embarrassing. “It’s fine!” She says, we stand there in silence. “Uh, sorry i got to go!” I ran out of that situation the fastest i can. Where the fuck can I find this class?

I soon found the class. Should i go in? Class ends in 10 minutes. As I’m deciding, the door swings open and a student walks by me. I look inside and the teacher is staring at me. “Sorry I’m…late?” You know, it really looks like i was skipping from the teachers point of view. “I’m sorry, im new here? I was having trouble finding my class…” the teacher only looks at me. The fuck? Bitch speak. I give him a side eye and go sit on an empty desk, hopefully it wasn’t that persons desk that just left right now. The teacher continues on with his lesson, im not sure what class this even is. I turn to the right of me a see this girl with light pinkish hair. All she does is smile at me and looks up to the teacher.

The bell rings, i get up from my chair and grab my bag. Before i could take a step out the classroom, someone calls for me. “Hey! You!” I turn around to see that pinkish haired girl from before. “Yeah?” I respond to her, “I’m Rei, what’s your name?” Her voice is pretty, “oh um im y/n!” I say awkwardly. Omg my voice cracked, im going to die now. “Pretty name, you’re like really pretty! You like to sing or dance?” It feels so overwhelming what she just said, my name pretty? me being pretty? “Yeah i really love singing!” I itched my neck. Great i look like a fool who doesn’t know how to talk. “That’s great! Me and my friends are trying to gain members for this music competition and id like for you to join!” She says while pulling something out of her backpack to give it to me, it’s a flyer. “See you around!” She walks off. I look down at the flyer she gave me.

Wow…the girl on the flyer is really beautiful….like really. Wait, they don’t even have what day!? I guess I’m going to have to message them. I put the flyer into my backpack and go to my next class.

The rest of the day was boring. No one interesting in my classes, rude ass teachers, and nasty lunch. Didn’t expect to the lunch to be this shit when this school is so big. So now I’m in my bed just laying down waiting for my mom to come home. I think high school will be easy, like what’s even going to happen this year? My life is boring.

see all episodes | next episode ->

#kpop #kpop gg #kpop story #lesbian #wonyoung x female reader #ive wonyoung #wonyoung x reader #wonyoung #kpop writing

[dumping-ideas]

im impressed by all the Tsukasa questions you get, hes such a strange little fellow And i also have a question about him lol

I feel like tsukasas the kind of person whose willing to confide in others about his problems (which i think hes openly said), namely the troupe, and if its minor enough, Saki and/or Toya as well. i always got the impression that he thinks he must always be the big brother/leader no matter what because thats really what he was his whole life, i mean he didnt have many to rely on as a child either, did he? Now maybe i just have bad memory, but i dont think hes ever confided in anyone about his childhood? i believe in dazzling stage he was able to sort of heal from the sorrow he felt as a child, but that was all. like. *just* him, no? i always thought the majority of the tsukasa angst written about in the fandom was greatly exaggerated, one of them being how he bottles up his problems, but what im asking is, is that really so far from how he actually is? i think the main thing he feels he just cant talk to others about is his past i feel is a very very important part of his character

i didnt mean for this to be so long my apologies 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️

No no no, thank you for the ask! I'm sorry it took me this long to answer（┬┬＿┬┬）

I'm also of the opinion that Tsukasa does know how to share his problems (mainly show related), but his upbringing certainly influences how he grows up to be so independent. We know that Tenma parents love both children but I believe that concession had to have been made in the past. Like leaving Tsukasa alone lots of time, Tsukasa visiting Saki most of the time (like it took Ichika 2 hours by train just to go there iirc and she's accompanied by her mom, Tsukasa probably just goes back and forth as often as he could), etc. And because Tsukas also knows that not sharing his problem might make others worry about him even more, so he's fine with letting them know on a need-to-know basis.

And you're totally right! All WxS know is that Saki was sick and hospitalized a lot, so Tsukasa wants to make her smile through shows.... That's it. Other info WxS gets about Tsukasa's past is mainly from Saki, Toya, and Shizuku, not from Tsukasa himself.

While Tsukasa knows how to ask for help, he doesn't really confide his personal issues with other people. Like how he doesn't tell anyone that yeah he felt lonely and sad when Saki was hospitalized and how he just buried those feelings deep inside because they hurt, or how he feels so powerless because his dream just feels so far away. Heck, even in Our Happy Ending we just finally get Tsukasa admitting that parting with WxS makes him feels lonely and it's for Emu to admit her own feelings and cry in front of them. Tsukasa is being vulnerable because he wants Emu to be vulnerable in front of them as well. That's just how much Emu and WxS means to him.

And well, angstkasa definitely amped up the angst to eleven, but I personally think canon Tsukasa just doesn't think much about his problem? Canon Tsukasa problem is that sometimes he's rushing through things--partly due to his personality and partly due to how he just doesn't process his negative emotions that much. And canon tsukasa doesn't really share what he's doing/feeling as long as it doesn't hinder their shows and his family & friends (everyone is surprised when they found out that tsukasa met the otori brothers alone to ask for more opportunities outside wonder stage). I get the feeling that he thinks sharing positive feelings is fine but sharing negative feelings is something that happens just when it's necessary.

About bottling up problems, canon tsukasa tends to go like this:

"Oh, this feels painful/difficult"

Option 1: "I have to do something to remedy it myself!" & Option 2: "It's not important right now so let's just forget about it! (but it's still there)"

Option 1 usually results in him doing things himself without anyone knowing the underlying problem

Continuation of option 2: "Why is this still a problem? Damn, it hinders our show."

"Maybe it's okay to ask for some advice? Just enough so it can help our show without troubling the others that much"

"Okay, I'll try to solve it myself with your advice" => by Phoenix Edge WxS is helping and watching over Tsukasa in this step! This is progress!

SELF-REFLECTION or inner monologue about how it hurts very much but he got this! For everyone and for the show!

"THANK YOU EVERYONE" (doesn't elaborate any further)

Tsukasa doesn't do bottling up problems, he just doesn't think it's a problem while it is very much a problem. Rui realizes it in Pop in My Heart, and Emu and Nene is aware of it by Dazzling Stage. That's why they're so supportive of Tsukasa in Phoenix Edge, and how they become much kinder towards Tsukasa now (especially after the update). Unless Tsukasa being full of himself or an embarrassment, they didn't really tease/prank him that much compared to before.

I think the most noticeable evidence is how both EN and JP fandoms thought Rui would tease Tsukasa over their height difference, only for the official team to say "no, current Rui would not do that, he likes to see Tsukasa smiles". AND THAT'S A HUGE IMPROVEMENT!!! Now, WxS is learning how Tsukasa ticks--even Nene's tongue isn't as poisonous as it was before. Tsukasa learns how to be okay by himself growing up, and now WxS is learning how to let Tsukasa not-be-okay in his own pace. They've seen him being depressed and ruminating his problem by himself right before their very eyes after all, so I guess they're learning to be softer so he would loosen up around them and more willing to share his feelings if he's up for it. The problem is that Emu, Nene, and Rui is also still learning how to push, while for Tsukasa there's nothing to push (while it actually stacks in the corner to be processed later).

Besides, I think Tsukasa just thinks that his past isn't that necessary to be shared as long as he remembers his true feelings. But yeah, it's a huge part of Tsukasa's character, actually. He doesn't really share his personal feelings and past as long as it's not necessary. It's interesting how WxS story also deals about "you're not alone anymore, so don't hesitate to rely on us about anything" while the group leader is more of a "need-to-know basis" in terms of opening up lol.

#pjsekai #project sekai #tenma tsukasa #ask #tsukasa tenma #analysis #Tsukasa is so easy going when dealing his emotions and so strict when dealing with his own standards for himself it's kinda funny #Tl;dr tsukasa deals with problems by not making it a big deal until it disturbs WxS shows #Other than that it's a need-to-know basis for everyone

[lexa-griffins]

What if alien Clarke has x-ray vision so she can see herself fucking Lexa and how tight she fits around her?

😳😳😳

Okay but Lexa and Clarke both being part of this human/alien breeding program that pretty much guarantees humans with a baby because the aliens can /see/ if the breeding is successful.

Lexa wants a baby, they match her with an alien she has a good match with and who also wants a baby. Its a fairly easy process.

Lexa was expecting the whole process to be rather medical really. A quick shoot and go that she barely has to participate in. Thats the point of the program really, create a alien/human baby that her and whoever this Clarke lady is can co-parent. Easy. They have the same ideals and parental ideas so they really are the perfect match.

She just didnt expect... /her/. Clearly alien. The slight blue tint of her skin, the cute tiny horns on her head, the marks on her skin that remind Lexa of little constellations.

The sky people are a very pretty species, Lexa cant deny that.

They are naked from the moment they enter the small padded room provided for them. While Clarke seems very comfortable with all she has, and it is a /lot/, Lexa finds herself slightly covering her chest and her center. The alien seems to notice this.

"Hey you dont need to hide. I find humans so beautiful, you might actually be the most gorgeous one I've ever meet actually."

Now, Lexa didnt come here expecting them to really connect in a way that isnt medical but hm, she cant deny the way Clarke's blue eyes nearly shine and the way she smiles at her don't make her heart skip a damn beat.

Clarke gestures for Lexa to lay down so they can get started and Lexa does, with slight reluctance. She doesnt really know why she's nervous but she is. Maybe is the whole finally having a baby thing. Maybe is because she never been with an alien (how many people have really. There's a reason breeding programs like this exist).

.... maybe is the fact that when Clarke very politely gets on top of her, her dick is very clearlgonna be a /tight/ fit.

"Just... relax alright? It's always a bit of an adjustment for humans but you can take it."

Oh that should not have made Lexa as wet as it did, "Okay. Okay."

Lexa takes a deep breath and she feels the tip go in. It /is/ big. And thicker than anything Lexa ever out inside of her pussy. /Fuck./

"Fuck." Lexa breaths out as Clarke to enter her

"I know. Its a tight fit but you can take it, I know you can."

Right. They can /see/ it happening.

"Can you really... see yourself inside of me?"

Clarke chuckles. Lexa cant help but smile. She likes the sound.

"I can. That's how I know you can take it, but you need you relax baby." The term of endearment doesnt go unnoticed but Lexa ignores it in favor of trying to calm down her manic heart.

"Thats it." Clarke coos at her, slowly but sure going deeper.

Just the knowledge that Clarke can see herself inside Lexa both relaxes and turns her on because holy /fuck/.

Clarke is not yet fully inside when she stops moving completely. Lexa dnaos her head up, offended she dared stopping, "what?"

"You cant fit any more."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... you cant fit my dick fully. I didnt think you could, humans arent really built for it. Its fine, but if i go any deeper is gonna hurt."

How... sweet of her. "Oh." Lexa states, finally being hit with the feeling of fulness. They stay there for a few minutes, as Clarke waits for Lexa to give her the go ahead, "you can move now" it comes out more like a plea than anything else but Clarke immediately gets herself positions to thrust inside of Lexa.

"Ready?"

"Lets make a baby." Lexa says, awkwardly she admits. She hoping Clarke ignores it, but to her surprise, she leans in, kissing the corner of Lexa's lip. When Lexa looks st her in the eye, she looks so giddy.

"Baby making time." Its such a sweet statement that Lexa didnt particularly expect it to be followed by the filthiest sex she's ever had.

She's heard talks about humans becoming obsessed with having sex with sky people and she thought it was all talk. But the way Clarke manages to thrust inside of her at exactly the right angle everytime and how she seems to know when to quicken a brutal pace or slow down is as close to an addiction as she has ever come.

Clarke's soft lips approach her ear, her heavy breathing loudly tickling Lexa's hair, "Im gonna cum"

"Do it. Please, Clarke. Do it."

She can see it, Lexa realizes once more. The way she looks between Lexa's hips and her face as she cums. She can see herself fill Lexa up.

Jesus fuck she can see it. She touches Lexa's clit and Lexa comes undone with her.

Clarke falls on top of her, her body somehow still cool against Lexa's hot skin. The constellations on her skin seem to shine with the sweat that cover her it.

"You are very pretty too." Lexa manages to say, somewhere between awakened and asleep, "I hope our baby is just as pretty."

Before she closes her eyes, she feels Clarke's lips on her forehead, "with you as a mom, there's no way they wint be gorgeous"

#letter opened #clexas monster (s)mash #wanheda's dagger #stooop why is this soft???? 😭

[faintedlcve]

Hellllooo,

Omg I really needed more swiftie mutuals <3

Please rant about all things you like, i love rants, gosh we seem to have so many close interests, I am not a writer tho, but I do read, effectively making me a reader which doesn't sound as cool, now that I think about it.

My fav Taylor song at the moment is "Slut!". I cannot get that out of my head. I mean "got lovesick all over my bed", I die a little everytime I hear that.

Fav Olivia song at the moment is logical (kinda like you username aah). I still CANNOT get over "can't take a joke, can't get you off". Like please kill me already.

Fav Sabrina song at the moment is probably "because i liked a boy". (damn who hurt me?)

And fav conan song at the moment, "Lookalike"

Tell me yours?

Nyc.

xx

hiiii

omg thank you thank you thank youuuu <33

okay so i love a lot of things some of them are pretty questionable but I'm questionable literally ask anyone on the discord server so its fine. anywhoo, i love taylor, maisie, gracie, phoebe, alix page, lucy (dacus not myself I'm not THAT narcissistic), olivia hardy (from wasia project) julien, conan, liv, sab (and @loserdiaz but that's a known fact) and so many other people to the point that even i cant keep track. oh and i love laufey, mitski and lyn lapid just bc.

my current fav by wasia project is petals on the moon but ur so pretty especially live from the studio is so gooddd

anywayss, reading is really cool thats how i got into writing (which is the best thing ever ik /hj) i also really really like reading bc it makes me smart and it's super fun

which is your favourite book series?? mine is lockwood and co as if you couldn't already tell by the amount of times I've mentioned it i also really love agggtm series bc why wouldn't it its so good. I'm sure i love so many more book series but my memory sucks (it does not but I'm lazy so I'll use that as an excuse)

anywhooo, i love scream which is weird bc i watched the first one when i was 10 (i know, who let me do that???) and i... liked it? (I'm very questionable i know) but i also tend to rant about it as if its real life (like WHY DID THEY KILL OF *insert name of dead character* IM SO MAD) and not a movie so I'm a bit annoying sometimes but pls don't tell me that otherwise I'll start crying /j

hmm my favourite taylor song atm would be "is it over now?" or "now that we don't talk" bc at the moment i resonate so well with those songs (ikr my life sounds like a nightmare: it is but it isn't really? idk) at yes i totally agree with the "got lovesick all over my bed statement but" also "love thorns all over this rose" and omg "you're not saying you're in love with me, BUT !! YOURE !! GONNA !! DO !!" like who gave taylor the right to be such a mastermind (funny, right? no? okay.) like the entire song, heck the entire album is so GOOD. HER ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY IS SO GOOD. (this is totally normal fan behaviour btw)

favourite liv song atm is probably lacy but i love all of the songs all the album (and yes logical is soooo good i mean i have to love it otherwise my url is meaningless) but my favourite lyric from the entire album is probably "we both drew blood but man THOSE CUTS were NEVER EQUAL!!" from the grudge (also one of my top 3) bc that hits DEEP. (bc the cuts were deep, i know I'm so funny /j)

favourite sab song atm is prolly cindy lou who / opposite (been there) / a nonsense christmas. i cheated but i simply cant choose one shes too good. also super funny bc cindy lou who and opposite are like sad vibes and then a nonsense christmas i want you to [redacted] and [redacted] me on the couch while we [redacted] presents (sorry i just think I'm so funny when I'm not but dont tell me that i wanna be a stand up comedian no I'm just kidding I'm not a failure. IM JOKING) (also regarding bc i liked a boy, I agree. who hurt you???)

anyways, my favourite conan song atm is prolly the best known option "heather" BUT i also like "the cut that always bleeds" the entire of kid krow tbh

okay i wrote a lot asdxcasdcvafd sorry

alsooo, you didnt ask this but my favourite gracie abrams song atm is "where do we go now?" and "cedar" (you arent mine) bc its such a heartbreaking song especially when you can relate to it. ooh and i also love camden, painkillers, rockland and long sleeves but they're all pretty depressing so if you don't like sad songs they're prolly not for you.

and THANK YOU for this ask this was so fun send me more sometimes <333

#taylor swift #gracie abrams #maisie peters #olivia rodrigo #sabrina carpenter #conan gray #boygenius #phoebe bridgers #lucy dacus #julien baker #alix page #music #moots <3 #luce posts 💌

[bridgyrose]

As Weiss and Blake get closer Blake starts having nightmares where Weiss' eyes turn into Adams (and Weiss herself into Adam). Eventually she wakes Weiss up with one of her nightmares and her princess comforts her.

(Alright, you want some hurt/comfort, you got it)

Blake took a step back as she looked at Weiss, watching as the familiar scar started to turn into a SDC brand. “Are you feeling okay, Weiss?” 

“I have never felt any better, my love,” Weiss said, her voice dripping with venom as her smile shifted slightly. “But its time for you to come back to me.” 

“I-I… I never left…” Blake took another step back, feeling the edge of the roof of the train car with the heel of her shoe, hand resting on her weapon. “What’s going on?” 

“I’m taking you back to the White Fang, where you belong with me.” 

Blake could only watch in horror as Weiss’ face distorted to look more like Adam’s, a mask covering her eyes as her hair reddened and horns started to grow out of her forehead. She quickly pulled Gambol Shroud off her hip, hands shaking as she pulled the trigger to hear a soft *click*. 

“You never should’ve left me, Blake.” The Weiss Adam amalgamation rushed over to her, hand on the hilt of it’s sword as it finally finished shifting into Adam, holding Blake by the collar of her shirt. “You left me, tossed me away like I was nothing to you. Didnt you like what we had, my darling? We could’ve had everything. Humans were fearing us, we were finally making progress, but you had to throw that all away, didnt you?” 

“That isnt what I wanted!” Blake pulled the trigger again and again, only hearing the soft *click* from the empty cartridge. “You started killing people to make progress. I… I couldnt keep doing that.” 

“Then let me make sure that you never have to worry about that again!” 

Blake quickly pulled out her blade to defend herself as she watched Adam rush towards her, red blade flashing in front of her eyes as she used her semblance to get behind him. She could feel her blade press against his neck, hand shaking as she watched blood start to run down his throat. 

“Blake? Blake!” 

Blake stayed still for a moment as she listened to Adam’s voice call her name, then she felt a rough hand on her shoulder as she blinked, snapping out of the nightmare she was in. She froze as she stared down at Weiss, hand against her chest and sharpened blade to her throat. Her hand shook as she pulled away, panting as she let go of her blade and listened to it hit the ground with a clatter. “I… sorry.” 

“This isnt the first time you’ve woken up like this,” Weiss said as she sat up, pulling Blake close to her. “Another nightmare?” 

Blake nodded quietly, pressing into Weiss. “Yeah, another nightmare.” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

“Not… not tonight.” 

Weiss sighed and gently rubbed Blake’s side. “Are you ever going to talk about your nightmares? They’ve been getting more frequent and… I’m worried about you.” 

Blake glanced at her blade on the ground, her hand starting to shake again as she swore she saw Adam’s mask staring back at her. “I’ll… I’ll be fine-” 

“But what if you hurt someone next time?” Weiss looked away. “You and I both know that I’m not the only one that’s woken up to a blade to her throat. You did it with Ruby in our first month here, then with Yang shortly after. But now, since we’ve been trying to… date… its been more frequent. A blade to my throat, gripping my arm just a little too hard, waking up with bruising you dont remember… I… I want to understand what you’re going through.” 

Blake went quiet and slowly picked her blade up off the ground, her heart thumping in her chest. Just to make sure she was awake, she slowly pressed the blade against her arm, wincing as the blade cut through her skin and blood dripped down her arm. “I… I cant… I dont want to talk about it.” 

“Does it have to do with the White Fang? And why you’re obsessed with finding out what they’re planning?” 

Blake winced, then nodded quietly. “I dont see why they’d work with a human and Ad- the White Fang has to have another goal here. A goal that we’re not seeing.” 

“Or they’re just causing problems to be a problem” Weiss sighed and kissed Blake’s cheek. “But you cant keep pushing yourself like you have been. I’ll help you find answers but we need to take a break from this. You still need to sleep and neither of us will become huntresses if you fail any more classes. But I’ll always be here for you.” 

Blake relaxed a bit and pressed into Weiss, hand still shaking as she put her blade on the nightstand next to the bed. She looked around the Beacon dorm, knowing she was safe but still feeling fear lingering in her mind. If she could come in as a student, what about other White Fang agents? What if there was another one already in her classes, waiting for her to slip up, waiting to bring her back? 

“We will always be here for you.” Weiss gently pet Blake’s thigh to help calm her. “You have your team willing to back you up no matter what.” 

“Its… its more complicated than that,” Blake said, her voice shaking for a moment when she thought she saw another pair of blue eyes staring at her from the corner of the room. She blinked and the eyes went away, her fingers shaking once more. “If the White Fang are working with Roman, who’s to say that they arent here too?” 

“Then you get some rest and be ready for tomorrow.” 

Blake paused at the answer, looking at Weiss. “You’re… not going to call me paranoid?” 

“You are, but telling you that isnt going to solve anything. Blake, I love you, but you’ve been running off less sleep than Ruby does on the weekends when she and Yang have those movie marathons. You need to sleep, you need to eat, and more importantly, you need to rest. Do you really think you’re in any condition right now to fight anyone from the White Fang if they are here?” 

“Well… no…” 

“Then rest so you can be ready.” Weiss laid back down, pulling Blake down with her. “Ruby and Yang will be back from Patch in the morning and then we can take a trip into Vale and see if we can find out more about the White Fang’s plans. But until then, you need to sleep so you can be ready for it. Will you please get some sleep? For me?” 

Blake laid down with Weiss and pressed into her, seeing Adam in front of her for a brief moment before he faded away in the shadows. Her heart was still racing, her breathing still shallow, but she closed her eyes and pulled her blanket over her. “Rest, then Vale.” 

Weiss put an arm around Blake. “I’ll keep you safe tonight.” 

#rwby #drabbles #hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort drabbles #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #adam taurus #weiss x blake #blake x weiss #monochrome #nightmare #tw nightmare

[butteredteeth]

TW: Vent

Topics: toxic mother, severe anxiety

So lastnight I was sobbing super hard about feeling like I'm being abandoned by my best friend (not specifying which, I hate doing that) and while I was crying I got all raspy as one does when bawling their eyes out to the point their throat bothers them. So she told me "those noises arent necessary" and that I "cry differently every time I cry". Which is, let me know if I'm wrong, A NATURAL OCCURENCE FOR HUMANS?? Anyways then she kept trying to comfort me after I said I was just gonna leave the room because I didnt even feel like crying into her shoulder anymore and would rather cry alone. So when I finally left I kept silently sobbing, hoping she didnt hear me. And I tried watching South Park for a distraction, barely worked. Did my makeup finally, distracted me really very good but trying to go to sleep was difficult because I am still so terrified I'm going to lose them. So I took an indica 10mg gummy and watched South Park until it kicked in enough for me to sleep. Woke up feeling like shit this morning. My calves hurt, my knees hurt, my arms are sore, my neck is super tense, my back feels like it's being snapped in half with every movement, and worst part? Yesterday my therapy was cancelled so now I have to wait a week to get all of this shit off of my chest and get advice and a good talking about my emotions and irritability. And today we went to the furniture store to get my mom a new chair and previous to that we were waiting for the family buddy to get here, he helps with furniture moving and we rarely see him other than that. My mom tells me to "not be all over him and playing with him like that" when I'm acting like a kid my age should. Only time anyone EVER plays with me, my sisters dont, my mom cant, and anyone else who can doesnt want to or feels like im too old because im too mature. I always say I'm too mature to play and stuff but I do it ALONE that's why. The family buddy practically adopted into the family at this point. Hes like my older brother. Feels like my mom hates to see me play and have fun and genuinely laugh. She did apologize because "now that she thinks about it, its just her insecurity an anxiety about people thinking I'm a brat" which really hit a hard one in my chest because SHE.

SHE.

Used to call me a spoiled brat for having panic attacks, meltdowns, and anxiety. She has always pushed her stress onto me. Never tried to hide it to save my mental health even when I was like six. I let her vent to me, I take care of her, I suggest therapy (LIKE ALL OF MY SISTERS DO) and she just refuses or puts it off because her current therapist isnt the right fit. So now everyones just stressed and all that I soak up and now I'm fucking panicked and shit every god damn day.

[penguin--person]

10. If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how? (kozlova)

28. What emotion is the most unfamiliar to your character and how do they deal with it? (alik and/or nastya)

31.What genre of music does/would your character love? (kozlov)

like with the one you sent me the character after the questions are just suggestions !! answer about whoever if you want >:D

aa thankies!!!! 💥💥💥

10. id say that kozlova, while not with malicious intentions and not a villain, is an antagonist indeed !! to certain characters... points at ája points at nastya. she does care for them!!! in one au she even saves ája. but like, she still does unethical experiments on them. her care for nastya doesnt stop her from vivisecting her on the daily. though alík would never blame her for how shes treated, saying kozlovas just doing her job, its still like... still messed up !!

as for how she justifies her actions... i dont think she lies to herself that shes doing a Good Thing. deciding which mutants should be terminated when their budget is cut isnt fun for her. but i think shes got a "somebody has to do it. if i dont do it, somebody else will" mindset.. as well as the regular "for science!" approach at the Zh. I. Alferov National Institute of Anomalous Research hehe

so shes just !! idk. its a necessary evil. i dont get to talk about this side of kozlova much hehe... shes not happy about it, she doesnt revel in it !! but like. she Is right that if she doesnt do it, somebody else will. might as well be somebody that doesnt delight in hurting people, that will hurt the subjects in the gentlest way avalible.

28. for alík, in her pafl canon, id say, regrettably, like.. and for nastya too i think but in her every canon. i think.. just feeling safe? alíks like this in the alnst au too but in her human au shes jsut some guy shes happy. its not easy but shes happy.

she cannot be safe at the facility, nor if she escapes, nor if she never gets there in the first place !! nastya... god id have to do a 10 thousand word essay on why she never feels safe anywhere. blame her parents blame the school system. i think.. smth interesting about her and dasha is like.. even with dasha being a bit meanies at times and not letting nastya smoke her cigs .. she doesnt report nastya, yea?? and like. thats all that nastyas asking for, ever. i dont think they could be healthy like i think itd be funny if nastya still stabs dasha at some point. but like. not being reported is the bare minimum for nastya. she coiuld feel a bit safe after some time maybe:) and i think thatd scare her ❤️they call her the Vane - Heart's Claws, the Weevildoing - Deviant, they call her the Normal Girl.

i think alík, while also scared if she started to feel safe, i think she'd cling to it, unlike nastya. nastya goes into fight mode and then flight mode (first comes fawn mode) if she gets scared like that. but alík !! like. i think.. im gonna use sanya as an example. i thinkkkk. shed cling to sanya as much as she could without being weird. in a Dont Leave Me way but also in a Hii Im Scared way ??? idkkk !!! alík clings to the feeling of safety while nastya punches it with her mega fists. is that anything boss

31. oh i found osme music!!! isome time ago!!! i think he'd like depeche mode :) i think hed like mcr too tbh i just dont think he'd know them. if dasha or roma or zhenya introduced it to him i think hed like it... also just like instrumentals...

i like to think that, like a dumbass, he listens to music in the zone with some kolya-ass headphones... kozlov!!! kozlov theres an anomaly behind you watch out!!!!! NOOO FUCK!!! hes listening to lofi hiphop beats to relax/study to he cant hear us fuckkk!!!!

#ask #gabrielacore #kozlovcore #nastyacore #alikcore #OH MY GOD IVE HAD THIS POST ALL TYPOED OUT AND READY TO POST FOR AS LONG AS ITS BEEN IN MY INBOX ... #i just forgor to hit post. sorries

[b3mym1stake]

A very serious the 1975 fanfiction.

This is.... interesting.... so um please dont take it seriously. There is nothing weird or nsfw about this. Just your average cringy 2014 style fanfiction.

PLEASE IGNORE ANY SPELLING OR PUNCTUATION MISTAKES I WROTE THIS AT THREE AM.

During the night, i was sleeping peacefully in my king sized bed, but in the morning, my mothers harsh and shallow voice awakened me. "Wake up you waste of space" she screamed. It didnt bother me. i have been allowing it to happen for years, me letting her treat me like shit i mean. It doesnt hurt me anymore. I get up and i go to the bathroom to wash up. As i stare into the mirror i notice all the imperfections in my skin. The deep gash of my forehead from when i had a huge pimple and just couldnt leave it alone, the multiple scars on my nose from peeling my skin too much in the summer when i got sunburned, the millia under my eye that is very permanently injured and scarred from when i was 12 and thought it was a pimple... Im so different than all the other girls... They all have glass skin and look like if Serena Van der Woodsen and Taylor Swift had a lovechild that was raised by Blair Waldorf. Yet here i was, imperfect and unloved, still feeling happy about who i was.

After i was done with all that daily philosophical thinking, i threw my long, blonde hair in a messy bun, wore my favourite band t-shirt, my "the 1975" muscle tank. I bought it after i saw taylor swift wearing it even though i absolutely love the 1975. I wear a pair of boho themed patterned leggings, and my high top uggs. I gaze into my shining blue orbs in the mirror and decide that today will be a day where i actually wear a bit of makeup. Unlike other girls, i dont need to wear makeup to feel pretty, i have found a source of happiness very deep in me that no one can ever truly take away.

"Autumn Raine!!!!! Come down RIGHT NOW!!!" My mother screamed from downstairs. I sighed, breathing away all those thoughts that had occured to me while i was zoning out while looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Cominggg!!" i said back, my voice soft and feminine. As i walked down the stairs, i saw four men sitting on our couch. For a second i thought my mom was making me go to casting for a COMPLEEEEETELY different thing, but then i remembered, im still her daughter and she probably wouldnt want that to happen right in front of her. However, after a close inspection, i figured out who the four unknown men sitting on our couch were, and how they werent so unknown after all....

"Matty, Adam, George and Ross?!?!?!" I say in surprise. "What the actual hell is the 1975 doing on my couch??" I think. "We are here for a very special reason, George says, his voice thick and coarse. He doesnt talk much but i bet that when he does, people listen. "We are here for you, actually" The small one says, his voice somehow both high and low pitched at the same time, "Im Matty, Matty Healy." He states and extends his hand for me to shake. "I know.. heh" I answer back shyly and shake his hand. He gives me a smile. "Your mother contacted us and said you guys were running low on money and that she needed to get rid of you asap" Adam continues, his voice more deeper than i expected based on how thin and zesty he looks. "Why would you pick me?" i asked, geniuenly wondering. "well," George says, his voice cold and mysterious, "it is quite a long story, according to our research, you are...." he stops abruptly. "i am what? Come on you cant just stop in the middle of that" i shout. "My sister." He states and looks to the side as if he is trying to hide his face. "Oh." i say, as it is all i manage to get out of me. "Am i seriously directly related to my favourite band?!?!?" I think, but it doesnt take long before my train of thought gets interrupted by George again. "My paren-" He stops. "Our parents, they couldnt afford to have another kid after they had me." He starts explaining. "Mom didnt have another option than to give birth to you, then give you away.. So thats exactly what she did." He sighs. "So, my- my- my mother is-is-is not my- my- my actual mom?" I say and my voice come out sounding more sad than how im actually feeling. "No, honey" My mom says. "Dont you "Honey" me, you have never been nice to me in my life. Now suddenly youre all nice and loving. Youre so fake" I say. My mom stands up, and raises her hand as if shes going to slap me. I close my eyes and prepare for the slap. Sure, ive been slapped by her before, but never infront of guests. Especially infront of actually important people. I brace myself for the slap, but the slap never came. Instead, i open my eyes and see.... a back? Its a weird pattern of a colorful floral thin button up shirt. (See picture for exact pattern hehe see what i did there lol)

"You will not touch our property." a voice said, that i later realised to be Matty. (writers note: that single line took me ten minutes to write because its so cringe i physically couldnt bring myself to write it) "Oh- so sorry." said my mother. I gave her a snyde look that i just knew annoyed her so much. Matty turned around, "Are you okay love?" He said. "Oh- oh um yeah its alright." I said and giggled. "Shall we go?" Ross suggested and slowly, all of them got up from the couch. "Wait," i said, worryingly "I havent even packed my stuff yet. i didnt know i would be getting out of here permanently." I say, pleading for some time to pack. "Okay go on," Matty said, "We need to have a chat with your mother." I nod. As im going up to my room, i hear Matty and George talking to my mom about how shes never gonna be able to contact me again and how no matter how badly she needs money she should never try to contact me or any of them for any reason. I went up to my room and started packing. "All those band shirts...." I thought. There was no way i would fit all of them in my duffel bag. I just took my all-time favourites. The 1975, Halsey (ironic i know), Arctic monkeys, Marina and the diamonds, taylor swift, the strokes, G-easy, and finally, The Neighbourhood. I grabbed my big pile of skinny jeans and urban outfitters jewellery, a couple of my cds from my collection, and any sort of actually valuable merch i had. I ran down the stairs, i tripped, and started rolling down the stairs, when i felt a pair of arms catch me. "Woah there!" Matty said, and gave me a side smile. (this just took 10 years off my lifespan). I smiled shyly. "Im so clumsy." I complains. "Me too" Says Matty and gives me a wink. I blush. "Shall we go?" Says Ross. "Of course." I reply. "Dont you want to say goodbye to your mother?" He asks. "Shes not my mother, and no, not really." I say and give her a sneaky look and smile. She looked furious. i didnt care. i was way past that now that i discovered that my all time favourite people loved me too, nothing mattered anymore.

And thats how my story with the 1975 started...

Ending thoughts: i swaer to god this thing just took 20 years off my lifespan i have never physically cringed so hard while doing something. Some parts took me like half an hour to finish because i couldnt bring myself to actually write what i had in my mind. but hope i made lots of people cringe. Anyways, lots of love, gooooooodbyeeeee.

#matty healy #the 1975 #what am i doing #this is a joke #funny shit #absolutely unbelievable #i cant #someone help #send help #taylor swift #halsey #lorde #marina and the diamonds

[thebigfudanshi]

I feel like every time something good happens in my life, something bad just always has to happen. I just have to learn ONE more bad thing about life I didn't want to know. Somebody's not who I think they are, my parents act all normal and then stuff just devolves, a say something completely stupid to my friend, there's something wrong with my dog,

I have classes to catch up on, I need to get a goddamn permit, I'm assualted with disgusting images from my brain I DONT WANT TO SEE, I only have one friend, my life is so monotonous I wanna cry. I'm so lonely the only being I've touched in the last year's have been hugging and petting my dog and one brief placement of a hand over mine from my friend that made my heart soar. But shit always goes wrong. I've learned some really horrible shit about a side of my family I never wanted to hear. My family is founded on trauma, both of my parents were abused, in turn I was abused emotionally and neglected, and I'm only just now figuring out who I am and it's fucking scaring me because it shouldn't be like this and everything I know feels fake and my mind is a void that's only running off of thoughts of Dook larue and I don't know how much longer I'm gonna last on this and everything I know is falling apart around me and building up at the same time and I haven't even started my life I'm a fucking 20 year old living in my parents house and nobody seems to realize just how fucking TERRIBLE I'm doing and everything gets brushed away and I STILL can't talk in my house, or I can, but. God my mom told me some terrible shit. None of my relatives are good, hell, not even my dad is who I thought he was, and somebody else I've found out isn't whoi thought they were, and I'm sitting here trying to process .y life because the only way I'll ever remember anything is if I post it online but what's gonna happen if someone finds this and I cant even tell them how I feel, and

My mom offered to let me start counseling through her girlfriends work like her girlfriend is and I'm really really really wanting to take that offer I already told her yes. I need to see a therapist now now now now now

My world is falling apart around me and my default is to curl up and pump my brain full of dook larue I can't do this but I can make any friends because I'm too fucked up my brain is only sexual I'm so scared all the time I can't figure out who I am and I really need someone to hold me and cup my face and tell me it's gonna be alright and they're gonna make my bad thoughts go away cause they're gonna sit with me all day and help me piece myself together because I really can't do this on my own anymore I just can't I can't deal with anything like a normal person and I know too much bad shit about the world that keeps haunting my brain and it hurts so much because I would NEVER ever do it and I know it with all my heart but my brain keeps putting horrible images in my head and I can't do it anymore 8m not gonna kill myself because that's pussy shit but I rreally really really need help I can't do this by myself 8m hurting and I need help I'm admiting it I can't do this. Everyday is the fucking same but I never want to leave the house but Phoebe need to go on walks and socialize and I even did that today but then everything went to shit because I found out something I could've gone without again qnd I dont know how to keep being a person. I've never been a person. Just a shell. Cram me up full of traits I'm stealing off of people. Do I only know how to write because my brain has nothing to do but imagine? I really need therapy and I really need to tell my mom because she's still my guardian because the past year has been a dissociative HELL SPIRAL and I can't even look forward to the thing I was looking forward to because everything went bad all of a sudden like it always does.

Ducky out. I just need... Something. I don't know. I don't have anyone and honestly I'm kinda seeing why. I can't do this anymore man. It's so hard all the time. I don't k ow what to do because I refuse to kill myself and I really do want to live, but everything is so upsetting all the time, I can't see any good in the world coming into my future. I can't see my future. I'm completely stuck where I am. If I never have any... Well I have my best friend and my mutual on here but... I can't fill my life long loneliness like this. I really really need help and I can't get it. I can't even talk to my mom because I'm so scared she's not gonna listen to me again because I told her I was dissociating all year and she doesn't seem to HEAR me. I can't do this guy's I'm so lost. My house is building itself back up back I'm falling into the same old house it used to be and worse. I can't. I just can't. I don't k ow what to do because nobody's ever listened to me in my life but my brother and he can't help me with this. I'm so scared to ask my mom. I can't do anything right. I don't know how long I'm gonna have to type before I forget everything that happened today but it's working so that's good. Maybe I'll just tell my best friend I'm in love with him and stop being so scared I'll fall out of love. I already know he used to like me. Were great friends! I would fucking ruing him so bad and I can't do that to him I can't he's too important to me. I can't keep running in circles like this in a stupid nymphomaniac loop but this is the only thing I can control, right? Because I can't even eat right. I'm under weight. I'm not even 100 pounds, I'm fucking 90 something pounds because nothing in my house looks good unless I'm high and that's a whole different story of addiction. Truth is, I'm so scared of everything, the world, myself, everything. The only saving grace I have is my brother. The only person who's ever known ME.

It's not enough, it'll never be. My brother is my brother. I need someone I can LOVE. To hold, to kiss, to give them all of me to distract me from every terrible fucking thing in the world. Someone who won't misgender me, someone clean, someone just, who is clean. Someone who gets me. Someone who can understand everything. I can't keep running in circles but how am I supposed to break free when im spiraling so fast? There's only three people keeping me sane and it's my brother l, my best friend, and my mutual. You guys keep me going. I don't know what to do anymore.

But truely, as I'm calming down from my feral panic. I don't know what to do. I need help. But I don't know what to do. I need help with that. What do I do? What am I supposed to tell my mom? "My mental health has spiraled so rapidly I'm falling apart at the seams."?

Well she's gonna blame it on herself so I'm gonna be upset and she's gonna be upset and I won't know what to do. She's gonna get home from work and be upset already and every time I try to think of talking to her I start crying. I am now. I feel so fucking helpless I don't know what to do please help me anyone I don't understand anything anymore my life was supposed to be all okay when my parents got divorced and it just got so muchfuckingworse.

#another trauma rant. #i cant do anyth8ng rigjt man i dunno what im doing anymore