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#i keep thinking about how tf to come out to my parents and my sister and i dont want to make it a big deal at all

paula-dot-poopy · 2 years

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Being biromantic asexual can be really frustrating sometimes because you feel out of place in bisexual spaces because you don't like/want sex. When it comes to thinking about dating you feel like nobody is interested in you because you lack something that is very important to people in relationships. Even though you know there are other people who are like you and feel the same way it eats at you and makes you feel extremely insecure about your sexuality, or, I guess, lack thereof. Simultaneously when explaining your sexuality to people you feel like you have to say "I'm bisexual" and omit your asexuality to people because of how many people believe that if you're asexual then you're automatically aromantic, since so many people think of romantic attraction = sexual attraction even though that is not the case for everybody.

#i keep thinking about how tf to come out to my parents and my sister and i dont want to make it a big deal at all #but also like. i want them to understand how i feel at the same time #and also im still worried that ppl wont believe me cause ive never dated anyone at all #but thats bc im still rly insecure about myself from shit that happened in middle school #sorry i just needed to type this to clear my brain a bit #vent #might delete later idk

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rowretro · 3 months

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𝒟𝒶𝒹𝒹𝓎 𝐼𝓈𝓈𝓊𝑒𝓈

✧warnings: mentions of abuse, blood, daddy issues ofc but nothing sexual. Mentions of jealousy-ish

♡synopsis: Riki is your sweet boyfriend, the 2 of you have been dating for 3 years now, you've all had your days, but it seems to him you have the shittiest day everyday. Despite having moved in with him, the way you always go back to your parents home, running about doing errands for a man who always hurts you. The first man in every girl's life that should be a challenge to top off by a boyfriend or husband, was Riki's sworn enemy now.

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

"Sweetheart where are you off to?" Riki asked, knowing the answer full well. "I got a certificate for my final piece in art Riki... I'm just gonna show my dad-" she said with a smile as Riki sighed he hated it. How you still believe abuse is just a part of life. How you blame it all on the alcohol instead of the man himself.

All that hate doesn't just come from a bottle, he just lets out the shit he buried deep in his heart. Why won't you get that. He knew you won't listen so he just kissed your forehead "Call me if you need help ok? I'll be as lowkey as I could" Riki assured sternly as y/n nodded. She was nervous. Like a certificate is going to change anything. Art is just another useless thing about her useless existence. She wanted to go home for a different reason.

She wanted to clear out her room in that house. She wanted everything of hers to be out of that building. She wanted to be free from their grip. The abuse, the slut shaming, the hurtful words that made her cry waterfalls though she promised herself she'll never cry. Not even her mother can stand up for her, even if she wanted to.

"You think you're going to last with such a rich handsome man?!... He'll realize sooner or later, he's wasting his life on something so useless. You're a clear anomaly in our family, of course he'll leave you one day. Not even we want you... you slutty thing." Her father scoffed, as he watched her ignorantly pack her things.

"Are you even fucking listening you whore?! this is why I love you sister more." The man mumbled as you froze. SHE was the one who actually helped the family at their worst. SHE was the one who patiently put up with their crap. What did her sister do? go to a better school than you and get higher grades despite being a disrespectful spoiled rat that's what.

What's the big deal anyway? she's leaving "Fine you keep trusting that angel of yours while I go lead a successful life and get rich." she said leaving the room, the man pulling her back by her hair. Was she going to give him the reaction? no. She just silently pulled away. She looked and acted unbothered, and fuck the man was pissed off.

"you're home late- babe you ok? clearly not-" Riki helped her in, blinking as he saw a suitcase behind her "what's this about?..." he asked, feeling a little scared. was she going to leave him? "The last of my belongings... I have no reason to go ho- to my parents house." she simply said as she dragged the suitcase upstairs.

Only three weeks had passed since then, Riki wanted to believe y/n felt free and happy, but he caught her crying on multiple occasions like today. But unlike other days, where he let you get a breather, he wanted to be there for her. So he was. Her crying in his arms, wanting nothing more than him.

"So what if your daddy doesn't like you?.... You have me y/n, my love is way bigger than any man's love and you know it." He said as he kissed her forehead. It's true, all this time she's been moping over daddy hating her. When actually she has Nishimura Riki pouring his love for her unconditionally. Why waste her tears on a piece of shit when she has Riki.

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

This is shit bro why tf did I think I cld write fluff?....

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diagonal-queen · 2 months

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Your blog is very safe, me thinks. Very comfort, if that makes sense lol. I have a request, feel free to ignore this but I can't help but to wonder what a few BSD men would be like with a very mature/maternal and responsible s/o who tends to put themsleves last and burn themselves out (preferably fem, as I am an older sister who has taken on the role of caregiver and project HEAVILY) I'd like to see Fyodor, Poe, Ranpo and Jouno. (You can throw in anyone else if you want)

BSD boys with a self-sacrificing girlfriend

♡ pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, Ranpo Edogawa, Saigiku Jouno x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are they with a caring and self-sacrificing girlfriend?

♡ cw: Swearing, use of fem titles, she/her pronouns, mentions of stress and burnout.

note: Thank you for the sweet message anon <3 it's truly a shame that you and i are the exact same person who have experienced the exact same burden of raising children we didn't choose to have. but i've moved out now so i'm free!! come live with me queen tf we're besties now. apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fyodor:

Fyodor is a trad man. I'm sure he has some weird beliefs about how women are supposed to have some normalised feminine traits, but this is too much even for him.

It really pains him to see you be so selfless, truly. Though he admires your kindness and patience, he just wants you to be content. He wants you to be comfortable.

Does he enjoy having what is basically a personal maid around? Yes, yes he does. Does he feel guilty for feeling that? No. But does he recognise that your current self-sacrificing routine is unhealthy? YES HE DOES.

So...he simply does not make you do anything at all. If you want to do something for him that's on you.

If you want to do something for someone *else*, he probably won't really let you. Unless it's like family or something, then he understands, but no, you're not helping that random child get their kite unstuck from that tree no matter how much you want to, myshka.

Fyodor absolutely doesn't involve you in his work. He knows that'll only stress you out more, and that's the last thing you need. As such he keeps you away from his coworkers (especially Mykola. Sorry Mykola lovers)

He comes to value his time spent relaxing with you, because he also acknowledges that he could use a break every now and then as well. There's nothing quite as comforting to him as lounging around alongside you- you don't have to be talking or even doing the same thing, as long as you're there together.

Listen, Fyodor does care about you, and he values your health and wants you to be relaxed and uncaring as much as is possible. But if you, his sweet woman, wants to make him a cup of tea, who is he to turn you down?

Poe:

I don't know exactly how to explain Poe here. Just hear me out

He is genuinely so like stressed and anguished about your lack of self-preservation in favour of caring about others. He constantly thinks about it and writes tragic poems about it and shit

Like he's like 'my love......she does not see herself as i do, as a beautiful star....with every act of kindness her light dims ever so slightly...until she's reduced to nothing.........the irony of the good deeds of man..............;-;'

HE'S SO SAD OKAY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WANTS TO SEE YOU RELAX FOR ONCE

He will go all out in his attempts to make you feel calm and comfortable and happy. Oh he will buy you SO many presents it's disgusting. He will rent out whole restaurants and like even theme parks and shit if that's your thing. He'll stop at no lengths to give you some respite, and it's honestly quite sweet

All that being said, he does love that you're so attentive and caring about Karl. He's definitely watched you play with him and then started blushing super hard because the word 'parents' suddenly crossed his mind and now he's thinking about children and aaaaaa

ABSOLUTELY writes a scenario in which you can relax. Whatever you want- an empty beach, a forest, a liminal space, he'll write it all for you, and gift you the book so you can go there whenever you want :>

He's basically a sugar daddy, except you're in an actual relationship and it's not all about the money. Your boyfriend just happens to be loaded as fuck

At the end of the day, Poe is such a hypocrite because he himself is such a workaholic that he practically lets it consume him, too!

You're both absolute messes. Drink some water and sleep for god's sake. And for the love of all things good take care of each other.

Ranpo:

Bro knows exactly what's up. Sorry, he's got you all figured out fr

That doesn't mean he won't let you baby him though. At first. He'll just let you, along with everyone else, clean up after him and buy him shit

BUT soon, soon he realises that this behaviour is rather detrimental to your health. He sees the circles under your eyes, he notices these things. And he's like '...oh shit'

Ranpo doesn't have any shame or reservations. He straight up confronts you about it. 'Why don't you ever take care of yourself?' And he's not playing around this time

And no matter what your excuse is, he's like 'not good enough. We're going to get ice cream RIGHT NOW and you're going to talk to me about this. Now lead me to the ice cream parlour immediately'

(I may or may not be paraphrasing this particular quote)

The point is that he presents you an avenue to open up about your struggles, stress and psyche. And he really does want to help- the fact that he gets ice cream out of this is just a bonus

From here on out he'll keep an eye out for you. Every time you find yourself getting overworked or burning out he'll make you take a break. This could be a nap or sending you home or a surprise outing- anything to get your mind off work and people.

Ranpo is a stickler for the rules, sure, but he's also lazy as shit. Any time he doesn't feel like working, you're now not allowed to work either. You have to hang out with him or else (he'll be a little sad)

He doesn't necessarily introduce any...permanent solutions to your predicament, but he does have you looking forward to your couples-down time each day, and that's something!

Over time, you do learn to balance yourself and external responsibilities. And he will absolutely be taking credit for it lmao

Jouno:

Jouno is very...self-important, we'll say. Not like, completely selfish or anything, but very much tends to prioritise his own opinions and time and such.

You make him do a complete reassessment and breakdown of all of his thoughts and beliefs he's built up over the course of his lifetime

/j but really, you're unbelievably different from him. You're both willing to put yourself in danger or wear yourselves down, but *you* don't have anatomical medical adjustments that practically make you invincible.

Jouno wants to protect you- and he's not willing to negotiate. He's not letting anyone hurt you, even if on accident. He's especially not willing to let anybody take advantage of your generous nature, which is probably more likely anyway.

He's such a scary dog actually (lol get it?? get it cause he's one of the Hunting Dogs? DO YOU GET IT-) he'll accompany you anywhere if you ask him to.

When he wants to do something for you, he will do it. You're not lifting a finger miss girl

Like he really will take care of you! When he's off work, of course. His job is kind of important, but you best believe you're getting pampered when Jouno is off the clock.

My mans is romantic as FUCK: cooking you nice dinners, reading to you before bed, massages, cuddles- as well as engaging in your interests alongside you of course

He just thinks it's so cute to see you engrossed in something that YOU enjoy, and will encourage your down time

Jouno is gonna make sure that you take care of yourself too, because when he's not around, who better to look after anybody than you? That's the most important thing to him.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

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asukaskerian · 3 months

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prompt 4 for moshang with the mood "incensed" would be hilarous i imagine

Mythology - Foretold by the gods - moshang

So he might have, maybe, at some point -- some late at night or maybe very early point -- tried to figure out an OC for Mobei-jun to ship w fuck. Dude was so perfect, it was a shame his dump truck ass and sequoia thighs remained unembraced. (Also the whole "he's so mysterious and never opens up and unveils his deep thoughts and tender feelings except for me" fantasy but never mind all that.)

He'd gone exactly as far as 'Meeting: why tf would he notice anyone. Dashing rescue? Why does he need a rescue he's too cool and basically untrappable anyway, what are they rescuing him from socializing with his cousins lmao???' on his notes before giving up on making it realistic. The next scribble was 'cuz i said so ok next'.

There had been no 'next'. His battery had died and when he managed to get home and get his laptop plugged in it was time for another word vomit on the topic of Bing-ge's meat truncheon.

[Secret side-quest: Easter egg! 1/536 discovered. Keep going!][Category: "is it a headcanon if you didn't think it up with your upper head?" 1/413]

'System-bro, what the entire fuck!?!' Airplane screeched inside his heart of hearts; ass on the floor (bruising), clothes askew (from sleeping in them!!), and the most gorgeous, terrifying man he'd ever seen staring down at him from the bed they'd crashed into (Mobei-jun first, because unconscious, Airplane later, because idiot) the previous night.

Because he had expected being sneered at; being talked down to; being attacked on sight. Being haughtily ignored, after sufficient groveling at crotch level.

But his most perfect, most unattainable creation, that Himalayan peak made flesh, saying that --

The problem with Airplane was, he didn't trust people. He didn't trust them to share their feelings and decisions with him freely instead of leaving him reeling at yet another swerve of which he was merely collateral damage. He didn't trust them not to lie to themselves, or even know they were lying to themselves, so even if they did tell him what they thought or felt he assumed they were doing the polite 'the real reason is none of your business but telling you to fuck off is rude' thing at best.

So yes, his favorite game from childhood had been to pick someone in the crowd and tell himself stories about their life. This guy is a grandfather of seven and doesn't know the birthday of a single grandkid and his eldest son just pointed it out to him, but not even angrily which is worse because that's how low the bar he failed to clear was, that's why the fancy package and the gloomy expression. That girl just broke up -- she's so angry though -- he was fucking her sister. No wait, her nails are short, it was a girlfriend for sure; she fucked her brother, a double betrayal. It had evolved into telling himself stories about his classmates and his half-siblings and his parents, since they were never ever gonna bother to invite him to take a real glimpse inside, anyway.

He was fully aware that statistically speaking he was probably wrong a lot of the time, but 1. coming up with coherent narratives was satisfying enough to smother the jealousy and loneliness and 2. as far as he was concerned it was true until proved otherwise, which was never.

But a guy who gave him nothing to work with. That was a challenge. That was fascinating.

....

But a guy who greeted him by "You are to be my husband?" with a tone of dismay?!

What the fuck! What the fuck!! What the flying dick-flapping fuck!!!

He was so shocked, he forgot to kowtow.

"You uh. My king?" He hadn't made the guy so above it all that he landed straight back into a a naive ingenue, right? "Just sleeping on the same mattress doesn't -- people don't have to be married to share--"

The muggy air of the inn room went so cold so fast that condensation rolled cold drops down his back.

(The effect didn't last; there was a haze in the air, briefly, and then a suffocating breeze from outside ruined the surprise air-con.)

"You will not speak to me like an idiot child," Mobei-jun-to-be rumbled threateningly, and then ruined the cool by continuing in that wtf vein. "My husband will show respect to his wife or his wife shall reign as a widow."

Holy shit, now Mobei-jun was the wife???!?!??? What? What! Airplane was dead. Again. For good.

He stayed down there sitting on his ass, waiting for the world to make sense. It didn't happen. The man of his masochistic dreams had crossed his arms over his massive bara titties like a barricade and was now sulking up there like an offended wi-- no, he couldn't even think it.

"My -- my king? It's only, ah, your humble servant doesn't... recall... getting married...?"

Eyes as blue as the afterimage of a lightning strike speared him through, metaphorically.

"Not yet. But we must."

He let out a long sigh; and his face didn't twitch when he moved to aggravate his wound, but the way he stilled for a breath was telling. Shang not-yet-Qinghua winced in reflexive sympathy.

"There is a prophecy."

"... Ah?" A prophecy. About his king. That he hadn't put into the story. That he hadn't even scribbled into the margins or thought about. 'System?!'

[Yes, valued User?]

"There is a prophecy for each generation, and most of them don't matter," the ice demon using that shitty inn bed as his throne said with a bitter tone. "But the eleventh ruler of the Northern Desert will be heralded by his foretold spouse; that is how he is confirmed."

"Ohh," Airplane said intelligently and with characteristic eloquence.

"'You will know them by these things," his king quoted sourly, "first, they will heal you; second, share your bed; third, offer their hand, and service, and their soul."

'Their soul! Their soul!! I was offering my sneakiness and maybe my dick, ah?! System!!! Who told you to mess up my creation with made-up prophecies?!'

[The easter egg category: "is it a headcanon if you didn't think it up with your upper head?" belongs to the third rung of canon : Word of God.]

But he hadn't told anyone--

But he'd written it down, he remembered now. 'Cuz i said so.'

Oh god. Oh immortals ascended before him. Oh little ancestors in both and either worlds. Someone fix this for him. "My king. Haha. My king, that is -- so vague! So vague?! How can there not be a dozen candidates with criteria so -- so stupid? And if the prophecy is common knowledge then people knew them in advance?! How were you not sabotaged right and left--"

...Oh no. He was gorgeous when he smirked like this, slow and feline, satisfied. My king, so unfair.

"This prince has long since made it a point not to sleep where others may catch him." A delicate pause. "He has also made it a point to return misplaced agents to his most obstinate siblings's chambers at a time his elders may not miss them."

"--Oh. Disqualifying them for trying to disqualify you -- so smart, my king!" For a moment, he had gotten enthused. But then he remembered that they were discussing his sudden non-canon matrimony, and then he started poking it for plot holes. "But -- just anybody can share your bed."

"The language is old, and clear. The prophecy speaks of the only person to ever share this king's bed."

... Hhghhhk.

That stare. So hard. Offended. Those cheekbones. So cutting. That nose, regal; that hair.

"My king," Airplane said as he climbed up to his feet, eyes trained on the floor and his knees and the things spread on the table and anything else at all. "Have you ever thought that the 'sharing a bed' section was metaphorical?"

He met the demon's eyes then, incredulous and angry, buoyant with it. "You haven't even shown me your dick and you think I should be making recompense?! What the fuck! Passing out on the same shitty mattress doesn't mean getting deflowered! I didn't knock you up with a snowball ass egg, why the fuck should I--"

Oh, he was tall. Also wide. Especially wide. Flatten me daddy indeed.

Oh, he was angry.

"It is not. Metaphorical. Though if all you need is to see my body--"

His hand landed on his belt. Shang eventually-Qinghua stopped breathing, body hot and bubbling with too much emotion--

It read like one of his waifu plots, the Joan of Arc types, unconquerable holy virgins except via the pressure of greater good.

A vague scrying over some random-ass kingdom, a little prophecy and welp! Nothing to it, just gotta fuck it out for the marital bed and then never again. At least you getting lawfully reamed has saved Bumfucknowhereistan.

'System. Demerit if I say hell no?'

[The bonus Mobei-jun questline remains optional, and brings User no penalties on opt-out.]

'Great.'

Like hell he was jumping into marriage because he liked some guy's face and didn't want to be bothered by geriatric busybodies tittering over his lack of wedlock. Who was he, his mother?

"I'll pass. Sorry, my king, at least I'm ditching you long before the altar?"

And with a sweep of his hand, he dumped all his things off the table and into his qiankun pouch, and was jumping out the window and doing a sick flip trick on his trusty borrowed blade. Airplane over and out, bro!

Thanks for nothing. Now his spank bank was forever tainted.

Three days later he was still dealing with bursts of anger and anguish and other moronic emotions, which didn't help navigating his miraculous return to the sect ("I was so scared!" lost its impact if he broke a sneery judgmental Shixiong's ankle with a well-placed kick) or the medical peak's nosiness ("Who cares about the bruises, my biggest injury is my blue balls and broken heart, thanks!") or Shen not-quite-Quingqiu's scalpel eyes.

His king's eyes were prettier.

His king was never going to be his king. Optional quest line. Yeah. He vaguely wondered how the System planned to make him betray the sect, then, who for, and then decided it wasn't his problem. Fuck it. He was sure it could do blackout poetry with his notes and pull out some contrived justification that would amount for half as much incentive as Mobei-jun's everything.

His fierce determination, his fearlessness, his skill, his -- his body.

His body that was extremely too visible on Shang in-his-soul-Qinghua's disciple bed, shoulders draped in furs and bountiful meaty muscle on full frontal display.

"I will not," he growled low and quiet, "be discarded by my spouse."

"Hhg."

He had snow leopard rosettes on his flanks in dusky blue, secret patterns never appeared in any cover art Airplane had commissioned.

[Secret side-quest: Easter egg! 2/536 discovered. Keep going!]

... Oh god, it turned out Shang Qinghua was exactly as stupid as Bing-ge's most ice-cold chaste wives. Because 'lie back and think of England?' Yeah, he was going to think of England and that dick.

#svsss #asuka writes #writing meme

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catre33 · 3 months

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the myth of Perseus

So basically, this man Acrisius -- who's arguably the king of Argolis -- only has one daughter. No sons. And he's freaking out, so he goes to this oracle like 'how tf am I gonna get a male heir?!'. The oracle doesn't really help, he's kindof a Debby Downer. He says that Acrisius will have no sons, and that his grandson will kill him. Acrisius is freaking out more, and he tries to prevent this by locking up his only daughter Danae. But no brazen doors can stop Zeus when he's horny, so BOOM. Perseus is born.

Thus, Acrisius is just not having a good life. He doesn't believe that it was Zeus who got his daughter pregnant, he thinks it's his twin brother, the one who had it out for Danae before. And he doesn't want to kill his daughter, who would do that? So (and this is the part Sally talks about) he locks her up AGAIN in a wooden chest/ark/whatever and yeets her into the sea.

The box floats toward Seriphos, and Dictys, a fisherman, nets it. He opens it to find Danae and Perseus both still alive and he wheels them off to the king. So Perseus is raised in a royal household.

But not really a very good household.

See, the king is after Danae since the moment she arrives. His name is Polydectes, and unfortunately, he has the support of his subjects in pursuing Danae. Finally, Perseus is old enough to step in and protects his mom from the king.

The king gets plotting. Polydectes calls up all his friends and they all pretend he's gonna ask some other girl (Hippodameia, daughter of Pelops) to marry him. So he's going around the whole island asking everyone to contribute to his love-gift. He finally comes around to Perseus and asks him for a horse.

Perseus is like, 'Dude, I don't have a horse nor the means to get one. But, uh, since you're not trying to marry my mom anymore I can try to get you anything else. Even Medusa's head.'

Polydectes is like 'Yass, he'll die trying and then I can get his mom. I MEAN THat would please me greatly.'

So Perseus is off to go kill Medusa.

Athena hears what's going on and helps him out, then Hermes does the same.

But Perseus isn't ready yet, he's gotta get better equipped. He still needs winged sandals, something to carry the head in, and Hades' invisibility helmet. (aka the introvert hat) All three of these things are in the care of the Stygian nymphs, but no one knows where they live. Except the Graea (the Gray Sisters).

So he finds them at the foot of Atlas’ mountain and steals their tooth and eye, forcing them to tell him. Once he’s got all the stuff he drops the tooth and eye in the ocean for them to get.

He finds the swamp the gorgons live in, and all three are sleeping; Medusa, Stheno, and Euryale. So he backs in using the reflection in his shield, Athena guides his hand, and off comes her head. Out pop Chrysaor and Pegasus! Fully grown! And armed! Weird way to be born. Perseus runs off before the new dudes can wake their aunties to go chase after him, so he escapes.

Now, he’s on his way back towards Seriphos. While traveling he sees this lady chained to a seacliff and falls in love with her. As he’s flying over (using the winged sandals) he sees the girls’ parents: Cassiopeia and Cepheus. That’s right, here’s Andromeda!

He asks what’s going on and they both explain that an oracle told them that sacrificing Andromeda to this sea monster was the only way to keep from being attacked and flooded by said sea monster.So he goes, ‘Hang on, I can get rid of the sea monster. If I do, can I marry Andromeda?’

And her parents are like ‘Uhm, suuuuurreeeee… haha….’

So he goes and kills the sea monster, slicing its head off.

The wedding is to happen immediately so he can continue on his travels, but in bursts this completely random dude, Agenor. Cassipeia shouts that Perseus must die. Turns out, Andromeda’s parents had already promised Agenor HE could marry her. But Andromeda is sticking by Perseus.

Perseus fights off as many soldiers as he can with his sword, and then he just petrifies the rest of them.

AND OFF THEY GO.

So he’s flying back to Seriphos with his new wife in tow. He lands, and he calls for Polydectes like ‘ay I got your gift.’ Polydectes is confuzzled and PISSED. He’s like ‘Umm I don’t BELIEVE YOU show me.’ Perseus is a little worried he says ‘well, uh, are you sure???’ ‘YEA YEA JUST SHOW ME’ aaaaand Polydectes and his entire court end up petrified.

And they all live okay for a while the end.

My point in this is the fact that Perseus used Medusa’s head to save both his mom and his love. Sound familiar???

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youuuimeanmee · 6 months

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RWTGI 35.1 - 35.2 Thoughts

I forgot chapter 35.2 is already out WAAAHH

I say Kirishima's name a lot this time, maybe I should call him Kiri.

Okay, this chapter confirms my suspicion. So his family really did neglect him.

Uhh I don't think the diary is meant to prove himself as a victim. I bet it's to keep record of what makes him happy 😅

BAHHAHAH Gaddamit.

I thought he was mourning, or at least self-reflecting. Who knew he was playing soccer 🤣 (where is your sympathy kid, tf) At least he knew not to play in the middle of people mourning, lol

Oh yeah, I just remember, Sumire (Kiri's great-aunt) did say his parents tried to get him to talk after that incident, but no matter how much they tried, he never answered them. Maybe it's because he's aware he's too different from them, they wouldn't understand him anyway? If that's the case, that's kinda amazing of Kiri for being able to (kinda) open up to Gaku even though he never met him, because just from a short meeting he knows his great-uncle is not normal like himself.

(If Kiri is your average kid, even if Sumire dropped some hints that Gaku is similar to him, he wouldn't be able to take the hint because he's too clouded with "no one understands me" prejudice. But no. Our Kiri here uses his brainn, bro)

Aww baby 🥺

Turns out his "friend" is more normal than he thought, his plan failed, he got into trouble. He did so much, yet, didn't get anything in the end lolol

I'm surprised Kiri is the first one who asked to be adopted. I don't think Sumire or his parents ever told him that the man in front of him is a yakuza. He must've put two & two together and concluded it himself.

If I could guess why Gaku accepted a brat like Kiri, it's may be because he saw his potential. I'm sure he never heard about Kiri until his sister introduced him, but the fact that she asked for his help is enough prove that his family couldn't handle him anymore. He never introduced himself as a yakuza but Kiri, with limited informations and short time, knew right away. He's not scared or nervous like normal people. In fact, he just focus on getting what he wants, and willing to do anything to get what he wants. Talented. Abnormal. Obsessed. Unhinged. Gaku could really use those traits. Even if he couldn't become his grandchild, at least he could become a reliable subordinate. Maybe that's why he accepted him so quick 😂

(Turns out there's another reason in the next chapter tho, so I'll save my thoughts for later.)

This is just a reminder to myself: Gaku barely provided Kiri with the neccessity needed, probably because he needs to test his worth if he wants to earn that "yakuza's grandchild" title. Or at least that's my theory. Maybe Gaku is just naturally apathetic. Maybe both.

Kiri might've liked Gaku to a certain degree because he's one of his few family who accepts him as who he is, but I'm pretty sure growing up with a man like him in a yakuza household has worsen his mental condition, until he meet Yoshino.

Wow. Turns out it's not the first time he waits for hours in the rain 🤣

AUGH. beautiful. Beautiful. I'm crying 😭😭😭

That's smart of the author. We wouldn't know if he really blushed because of her or if it's just the rain, lol

Yoshino saw a wolf. Renji saw a a guard dog 🤣

I don't like how Aoi kicked my son, but I have to agree with him here. Don't lick your blood on the floor, yuck.

Daww look at his happy lil feet seeing his obsession crush 🥺🤭

We know that Kiri used to date older women to leech, but seeing it with my own eyes disgust me. Not just Kirishima, but that grown-ass woman too; having sex with a minor, what the fuck. That's what I like from the author tho, just bc the ML did it, it doesn't mean it's romanticized.

OOHHH the day when Kirishima is appointed to be Yoshino's guard dog. Never thought I'd see this day come so fast, I thought we gonna have to wait for ch 80 or smth.

Hmm? The guy who killed Kyousuke? Do we know him? Is it Suo Azami? Nah, if he's around the same age as Kiri, he's practically a baby at that time. Wait, didn't he change his face tho? How old is he again? Or myb it's not Azami at all, myb it's his boss, Akime Hishibe? Oh I forgot Shouma said he's already dead, but I highly doubt it. Maybe the mastermind is still alive.

Um, if Kirishima is owned by Gaku, and Gaku leaves him under Renji's care, does it mean he's now owned by Renji? He doesn't have to obey Gaku anymore?

I'm confused with this whole ownership thing now.

Wait. A month? You gotta go big??

Wait wait wait.

Wow, oh wow. I need to recalibrate everything.

This panel gives chapter 2 a whole new layer. Wow.

So like. He told her to sell her body not only because he was tired of her, but also because Renji told him he could make Yoshino go back to Osaka if he didn't feel like up to the task?

Though I don't think Kiri did that because he values his life; he did that merely because he thought she's boring and not worth his time. But then everything change 😂

Yo Renji. You're the one who said it's okay for Kiri to make Yoshino go back to Osaka. You said you'd take care of the rest, you even said he can be creative. He was doing such a great job at making her feel like she wanna leave, yet, you won't let him have his way?

Was Renji intentionlly flaming them both? Is this his plan all along; to have both children go screw each other in Tokyo and forget about Osaka for a year?

(Istg Renji's death flag has been up for a while now, I'm scared for Yoshino)

Oh wow, Kiri really did not lie. Their interest really do align perfectly.

To continue my point above about why would Gaku accept Kiri into his house, it seems like he wanted to use Kiri's talent and obsessiveness towards Yoshino to make him protect her, because he feel indebted/guilty towards Renji? Was he feeling responsible for what happen to Kyousuke? If that's the case, this makes Akime seem even more sus bc he used to be Gaku and Renji's close friend.

Seeing Kirishima's reminiscence sure brings tears to my eyes. From obsession to genuine love and affection. He really does come a loong, long way, huh. Maybe I should make a meta about this particular scene but idk, let's see if I feel like it.

But I don't think he would've feel this way if Yoshino didn't acknowledge his quirks and treat him "normally." She really is amazing.

The way he's so scared when Yoshino didn't move for literally 1 second he decided to check her pulse, like she could just drop dead in a blink. Even though he has seen how strong she is up until now. That irrational fear of losing someone, he finally understand 🥺🥺

I'm really REALLY surprised Yoshino relented and agreed to eat parfait 🤣 Kirishima you always win huh 🤣

Aww, he returned to the same place when he first entered the yakuza household, eat the same parfait he used to eat, but now he's together with a friend/lover he treasures for life, enjoying the life he found boring at the beginning 🥺😭💞

These past chapters have been a treat. Even after he declares he loves Yoshino multiple times, we never stop doubting him because the fear he instilled at the beginning is too strong to dismiss. Just like Yoshino, we have this lingering doubt that he doesn't really love her, he's just obsessed. These flashbacks managed to shed some lights into his character, making him seem even more human. Kiri really HAS been trying to show how genuine he is -- in his own awkward way -- and it shows 🥹

Just 2 more chapters until we catch up to the raws, I can't wait. I've seen it, and all I can say is, it's beautiful. And Kirishima says some crazy stuff while sober. I just can't with him. I love him, I hate it.

See you next time 👋

#raise wa tanin ga ii #rwtgi #rwtgi ch 35.1 #rwtgi ch 35.2 #rwtgi analysis #miyama kirishima #yoshino somei

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marionmorse · 7 months

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Ughh the gosh darn- how do I- how do I describe this?

While Helmet Party is my #1 always and forever, I ADOREE Zhanna/Soldier to no end. In another of a series of TF2 sitcom-esque plots, picture Heavy coming home for a short visit, maybe looking forward to a quiet holiday with his loving, warm family. Then he walks in and it's. Soldier there, Zhanna's fiance. (Also - how did Soldier beat him there? Heavy not only left earlier, but also took the quickest possible plane and boat trip he could? This puzzles him.)

And it's just - just a series of Misha trying to be at peace, while Jane introduces hardcore AMERICAN-SPIRITED traditions (maybe it's at Christmas time?) and the sisters fall in love with the energy, the wackiness all, leaving Misha just kinda... there, a little alone.

By the end he comes to accept that things have changed in a very - again, sitcomy - way. He still gets time with family, particularly with his mother, just differently than expected.

As for placement in the TF timeline, it's IMPOSSIBLE considering Solly and Zhanna meet up in the post-game comics and it's implied that Heavy is on vacation from the Gravel Wars but shh, shhhhh, uhhh... Ao3 tag: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence and bam! That covers that.

Another Christmas - specific plot revolves around Scout and Pyro visiting Scout's family in Boston. (Pyro is there not only because the two are BEST BUDS, but also because Pyro doesn't really have a place to go for the holidays)

Queue Jeremy introducing his friend to his many brothers, and THEIR many kids, all in this crowded Boston home. There's wackiness to that.

Most importantly, SPY is there? My favorite way to characterize Spy's fatherhood is that he's always known and has been a bit protective for that reason, but let's say he only realizes it AS SCOUT WALKS IN! (Again, gotta smooth out the timeline with that one.) Jeremy is absolutely oblivious as Spy is out of uniform, obviously, but PYRO is the one to immediately recognize the Frenchman and they make just the most... Bewildered eye contact. While Jeremy bumbles around all: "So, tough guy, think you're good enough for ma?"

Think of Scout and Spy coming up with elaborate backstories to keep cover about their mercenary work, with Spy in particular digging in for the humor of it. Of course, the fluffy Christmas bits - Pyro's new friends, Scout's Ma getting to see her little guy again. It's cute. Very... you know... Sitcomy.

(Also, picture an alternative where Jeremy DOES recognize Spy - and they dance around in the whole elaborate backstory thing while having a side of pissed-off arguing when they can, keeping it all under wraps when any family is around. They both dig deep into the other's 'careers' while around folks just to show each other how mad they are.)

I'll keep the last one short and sweet - reaffirming my headcanon in which Engie has like... 14 nieces and nephews, with parents, grandparents, and their families on a beautiful piece of land in Bee Cave. Like Pyro, Medic doesn't have any thing particular in mind for the holidays, so he tags along with his buddy to Texas. He's a bumbling little German guy thrust into a very Texan culture-heavy scenario, all the eccentric extroversion, the COOKING, the amount of PEOPLE, but also... Seeing Engie as a family man, seeing him unwind and be more human than ever. A.M. coffee watching the sunrise type stuff. It's kinda sweet.

By night, of course, the Science Party shenanigans ensue with Engie showing off his now rather dilapidated workshop elsewhere on the ranch. His father's and grandfather's work, old prototypes, nerd bonding. That type of stuff.

#tf2 fanfiction #tf2 headcanons #science party #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 pyro #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 engie #christmas #Demo works as a mall santa to appease his mom #It makes him happy just to be home though #Saxton hosts a party for the mercs and is crushed when they don't show up #I won't elaborate #Sniper gets a genuinely fluffy chance to reunite with his folks

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qodlysinz · 20 days

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TODOKAMI HEADCANONS!!!!

I just wrote a oneshot for them bc im so obsessed w todokami, they are CRIMINALLY underrated

- Denki is always cold, like touch his hand and you get frostbite. So weird bc bro HATES the cold, he gets all whiny abt it. Shoto likes to warm him up tho when they cuddle. Sho’s such a gentleman!

- Shoto can’t read the room properly (thinks it’s a literal term and scans a room for things to read 😭😭) but Denki is all up in people’s business and tells him whats going on

- speaking of all up in people’s business, Denki and Shoto gossip ALL THE TIME!! They don’t judge, they just gossip.

- “TODOROKI!! I HEARD BAKUGO BROKE HIS ANKLE CHASING MIDORIYA AROUND THE SCHOOL!” “Of course he did…” or smth like that idk

- Shoto is so attentive and caring, listens to EVERYTHING Denki has to say and makes a mental note so he can do that one thing Den really wants. Endeavor’s credit card is just so easy to swipe.

- Denki SUCKS at cooking, like horrible, but he’s somehow an AMAZINGGGGGGG baker?? No one knows how. Bro makes better cookies than Sato and only lets Shoto taste them bc he’s unbiased unlike 99% of the class (we hate sato now btw)

- Shoto, initially, sucks at cooking, but after Fuyumi and Rei help him, he’s actually really good at it. Natural chef! Denki is a bit of a picky eater, but eats whatever Shoto made bc Shoto knows what Denki likes <3

- Bakugo hates when they’re in the same room together bc they make it so awkward with their pining. Has tried multiple times to play matchmaker by locking them in a room, but for some reason Denki can pick locks like a boss and they get out within seconds

- Mina LOVES them together. She’s like Bakugo, but tries harder to actually make them confess bc she wants to see them be all couple-y (half to annoy tf out of bakugo)

- Denki is TERRIFIED of spiders, screams like a horror movie character and skedaddles cartoonishly. Shoto, on the other hand, just kills them without hesitation. He’s not scared of anything but sudden sounds.

- They study together! Comes from Den’s below average test scores and lacking in the Quirk control department. He asked Shoto for help and thats how they became good friends! (based on my oneshot hehehe)

- Denki has freakishly good memory. He’ll remember something Shoto said MONTHS ago and quote it to him to be silly. Shoto’s confused and is like “I said that??”

- “Bakugo is lucky Kirishima can tolerate him, I couldn’t without my eardrums bursting, Shoto Todoroki, May 20th, 5:24PM.” “How do you remember that…?”

- Denki is also a very good gift giver because of that! Shoto’s love language is gift giving, but Denki’s is words of affirmation, which is funny bc both of them do the opposite to each other.

- Shoto is such a romantic, says the most gooey lovey dovey stuff ever to Denki. Denki gets embarrassed over it bc he isn’t used to positive comments on himself, so Shoto mostly does it in private.

- when they do start dating they’re so good about boundaries. Shoto knows what to not do to Denki, and Denki knows what to not do to Shoto!

- their arguments are VERY rare, like once in a blue moon. If they do fight, it’s about big things like hero work and family stuff.

- they hate arguing bc they hate seeing the other look so upset, esp Shoto, seeing people like that makes him remember his mom so he tries to avoid it as best as possible 😖😖

- speaking of moms! Rei is so so so happy that Shoto found someone like Denki. Like she’s SO happy, crying and hugging Denki. She’s emotional, let her be </3

- Denki never told his parents, scared of what they’d say, but he did tell his nonexistent older sister who he sees as a mom! She’s his biggest supporter and does her best to keep it a secret until Denks is ready

- Endeavor is hesitant about this, he literally reads stuff online to learn more about what Shoto’s sexuality and relationship is like just so he doesn’t hurt him any further. Shoto was very apprehensive abt telling him, but when Endeavor took it well, Shoto was SO fucking relieved, he was terrified about what would happen 😵‍💫

- after UA Denki and Shoto live together with a cat named Appa after atla! Mostly bc he’s Aang’s companion and the two of them make one Avatar (technically) because of their elemental Quirks!

- They partner up a lot for hero work, a dynamic duo if you will. Denki has gotten a lot better with his Quirk and controlling it, but is mindful of his surroundings thanks to Shoto’s guiding.

Funnily enough I used to be SO obsessed w Denki and my friend was obsessed w Shoto to where I shipped Momojirou bc they were “in the way” of our crushes but over time I genuinely loved momojirou sm theyre so fuyendjdjd AND NOW I SHIP TODOKAMI so it all turned out okay!!

#todokami #mha todoroki #mha kaminari #denki kaminari #todoroki shouto #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #kaminari denki #bnha denki #mha headcanons #todokami headcanons

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pinkspiraling · 1 year

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venting about childhood trauma and how i’m still living in it

i wish i could go around and ask people what it was like to get in trouble in their house bc idk if my experience was wack or not bc when i start to explain it i’m like hmmm…that seems normal. but then maybe not? like they’d take our phones and look through them once they knew we had done something Bad, which means they usually found something else on the phone to be mad about. and then they wouldn’t yell but they’d be angry and disappointed yk and they always acted like they just couldn’t comprehend why we couldn’t just do the right thing! like why did we mess up and do something not good! why! it always felt like an over reaction i guess, they’d have lots of punishments which were always no phone, no electronics or tv, no friends, have to see a christian counselor, have to go to bible study more often/consistently, have to read my bible. etc. when i got caught for drinking i had 11 punishments and they only carried out like half of them. idk i feel silly cause it’s like yeah i got grounded…i messed up and got grounded and my parents were disappointed in me just like every other teenager to ever exist. so why tf was it so traumatizing like holy fuck it was traumatizing it was soooo anxiety inducing all the time to think you might get in trouble any second and you couldn’t control the reaction you’d get and you couldn’t control the punishments, you couldn’t control how they felt about it. like sure if you just lay out what happened it’s maybe not that bad, but i felt so much true fear towards them all the time and i just wonder if that’s not the normal way to feel about your parents. when i would get in trouble i always felt horrible and wanted forgiveness immediately bc i was scared they would stop loving me (like they did with my sister!) and i’m just fucking mad honestly that now i’m like this! like i constantly feel on edge like someone is going to get me in trouble and it’s going to be bad! i feel like someone is waiting to hate me or be disappointed in me and any minute i’m gonna have punishments and angry people who are More Worthy than me who don’t understand why i couldn’t just be good! i don’t wanna deal with this i don’t want to feel like every person is my mom and i’m 7. it’s stupid cause it’s not even actually about feeling 7. i just never stopped feeling that way, its like i know that’s where it started and then it just couldn’t stop. i never learned that getting in trouble or messing up wasn’t a bad thing that people would hate you for. there was no room for error and now i’ve continued that expectation for myself which is crazy! like i am literally just a person i am not a hero, there is no god that wants me to make him happy. i am just a person who is living and it is hard and sometimes idk what i’m doing. i can’t keep being this hard on myself i just won’t be able to survive this way. i am so cruel and so unfair to myself and i give myself so many punishments and ive just been feeling like yeah but at least it’s me! at least it’s mine and i get to say when im in trouble and for what. at least there is control but idk i don’t want it i want to fuck up on accident and forgive myself. i want to fuck up on purpose and forgive myself bc i’m sure i had reasons and now i’ve learned it. life is just learning shit, wtf am i doing trying to be Good. worst part is, my mom would still freak out and overreact if she found out…anything from my actual life lmao. i hate that i still live in that fear! although now it is small and in my hands i can simply squash it because it comes from nothing true. it comes from people who should’ve done better for my younger self and i’m ready to kill it. anyways the original question is basically when other people got grounded did it feel like god ripped you out of the universe and wailed in his disappointment and then threw you back into your house with all the rage still there or no?

#being an adult is weird cause your childhood isn’t relevant to your life but its the foundation in your brain #but typing that out felt really good and i didn’t quite realize all of that like i knew…but i didn’t know #i feel powerful now that i know. like yeah the fear was not normal and not deserved and that’s why i can’t get rid of it #pink’s word vomiting #tw religion

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cleverthylacine · 2 years

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My brother is evolving :)

My brother is 53, but I'm older than he is and I'm constantly growing and changing, so I still keep trying.

Last night he asked me if there were homeless people and immigrants all over the streets in SF where I live and I said, we have some homeless people, but most of them are veterans, and/or people who couldn't quit cocaine or something like that like you were able to do, and you know how hard it is.

And he asked me why he sees stuff like that on the news and I said, what news are you watching?

He said, "Fox News" and I said, "there you go."

He's finally beginning to understand things like there is less crime than there used to be, not more, and why these rich assholes do their best to deceive us, and largely succeed, outside of the demographics that come here and a few other places.

He is starting to accept Kamala Harris and even though he is still fairly bigoted in some ways (our father was extremely racist, but the "polite" kind and it never stuck to me but it did to him), he is also very annoyed with these "conservatives" wanting to do things like ban abortion and police gender and stop people from using the damn bathroom. He knows I am queer and he also knows that if the line to the women's bathroom is too damn long I will get in the other one and stay there if nobody gives me shit about it, because I am pretty sure they figure I too am just there to pee and GTFO.

Anyhow, this is making me happy, but the funniest thing happened.

He wants to know about my life and my life is mostly work and fandom so I needed to explain fandom to him.

My brother mostly recalls the Bayverse but he loves Transformers and in the past he has said that he is proud to have a Decepticon as a sister, LMAO.

He asked me what I do so I explained to him that I write fanfiction and he said he would have to read it someday. I explained to him with some trepidation that the robots are having a lot of sex in my fics. Turns out he thinks that's fantastic.

And he remembers who Ravage is (he says she looked 'sick' in the movies) and he is completely tickled that I wrote her and Soundwave as lovers since the Dead End and the messy triangle that they got into with Megatron.

When he asked me why I was nervous to tell him I told him that the vast majority of people in TF fandom are chill, cool and fun, but that there are some people who get upset over my writing Transformers stories with sex in them because they think of Ravage as an animal, or they think of Ravage as Soundwave's kid or parent.

He remembers Ravage pretty well, and he thinks she is a badass, and he laughed his ass off.

At that point he went on a rant about purity culture and I gotta say I didn't see this coming: that it would be the stupidity of purity culture that would seriously be helping me pull the scales off his eyes when it comes to capitalism, Fox News and Republicans.

Good job I guess. Still stay out of my ask box tho.

#my brother also ships ravwave #my brother thinks antis are hilarious

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baekhvuns · 1 year

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Am I Y/N now? 😭 Idk if I should feel honoured or worried

We definitely should know less about each other it's aimed at Harry and lots of others who overshare lmao. Uhmmm, but would Meghan be with someone bigoted and racist in the first place? Let's hope not. Calm down, mate. We get it, she changed you alright

Heeeey I was about 6 or 7 years old when that accident happend and my grandma was next to us chatting with a friend 😭 there's another story with me and that friend, always me who had to fight for her life tho. So we had impromptu football goals at our playground, basically just 4 tall stakes. But they were placed in an inconvenient place, so my friend and I decided to move them... we were 7-8. I was holding the bottom, but my friend accidentally let go of the stake so it crushed my finger and it started bleeding 😭 gross but the nail came off 💀

SM I'M AT YOUR DOOR WTF LEE SOOMAN OPEN UP BITCH. They're gonna ruin SuperM now?! Seriously the backlash will be strong so wtf. And why didn't he come back with WayV then?

I saw bits and pieces of LSF at GDA and some of it was live, like No Celestial! They did well overall, they're fun to watch

Me getting mesmerised by Hwa's vocals unknowingly, sounds about right 🥰 his vocals is really flexible, I love it

Yeah unfortunately idols/trainees parents are also to blame, they're greedy or don't care enough. My friend's sister wanted to become a trainee at 12 and their parents were on board, cause they knew nothing about kpop, but my friend and the rest of the family was like??? That's not happening

Yeosang is joining NCT didn't you know?

Yes his name is Baek Dohwa when I saw it I wheezed and then someone called him Hwa once and I??? Yes it's the eyes, the black haired guy Eunhyuk has Tae's eyes and fluffy hair.

Wet shirt 👀 I think that's the other guy, or maybe I'm forgetting something, but things are escalating there too

But listen this and this. And

I once heard a remix of The Boys and I am the best and ascended 😵 can't find it now, but goddddd I think that person also mixed 4Minute's Crazy and f(x)'s Electric Shock

Why are these men exposed?! They need this

They're probably having fan calls in their car like 💀 I just saw a video from yesterday from a person who's already had over 15 fan calls already tell Hwa "see you tomorrow" seriously and I thought me winning 4 calls last year was too much 🤡

Sometimes I have a thing for Rob, sometimes I don't, Damiano is cool and hot, young Keanu, so beautiful 🥰 I suddenly don't know any white men, pls 😬 I'll have to think harder. Probably some British white actors........ I had a Tom Hardy phase when I was 17-18

The collabs for that show are so random, but if they somehow come true I'll be levitating. Suga and Taeyeon?! I'm sorry, but HOW

I'm stealing that choker wtf Park Seonghwa hand it over! What a neck it's definitely necking ☺

Devastation...

Uhm anyways. I'm looking disrespectfully

Ahhhh finally the first episode is out! (Seonghwa coded) - DV 💖

hi hello!!

Am I Y/N now? 😭 Idk if I should feel honoured or worried /// We definitely should know less about each other it's aimed at Harry and lots of others who overshare lmao. Uhmmm, but would Meghan be with someone bigoted and racist in the first place? Let's hope not. Calm down, mate. We get it, she changed you alright!

bestie first off what did we wake up too, bale and lloris retirement, zidane disrespected, barca back, mourinho brazil, busquets with alnassr, martinez porto’s coach ????

ur the yn! the one who’s always HURT 🔫 u best believe that the pairing with this yn would carry all sorts of bandages in case <33 yEAAAHH i keep seeing his # on twt and theres somethings he’s said that are on point but and time i click it i just never wanna see anyTHING again, the contradictions, getting diana’s spirit to come????? the hair loss reactions 😭😭😭 let’s hope tf not but he is royalty, 2 sides to every story i guess! the palace clearly isn’t in the position to say anything so we only know harry’s side! i doubt they’d say anything too, tho i think that’s good bc once ur in front of the camera its hard to get away from it fbfb i wish the obsession with them is gone atp but this is so funny 😭😭

i am sorry but what the fuck

anon, u need a supervisor 24/7 i AM DBWKDHWK tell us more

SM I'M AT YOUR DOOR WTF LEE SOOMAN OPEN UP BITCH. They're gonna ruin SuperM now?! Seriously the backlash will be strong so wtf. And why didn't he come back with WayV then?

NO SRS IM SORRY BUT what did he contribute, bro has 3 lines in a song 😭😭😭 the backlash will be crazy but a lot of ppl are begging for his return,,, makes me wonder if anything about his scandal was even true with the way twt’s acting! him not being in it would only save his face tbh 😭😭

I saw bits and pieces of LSF at GDA and some of it was live, like No Celestial! They did well overall, they're fun to watch //// Me getting mesmerised by Hwa's vocals unknowingly, sounds about right 🥰 his vocals is really flexible, I love it

tbh lsf’s performance make me forget about the fact theres even lipsync or not going on BC THEIR PERFORMANCES EAT EVERY TIME!!!!! theres this hunger to perform on stage and it SHOWS,, need them to have a concert bc im ready to anti ti ti fragile, wait have u seen this lsf performance?? this is better than any group out there tbh <3 his vocals are so flexible, he fits in every vocal range!

ayo???? AS THE FAMILY SHOULD!! no bc i see like those singing shows whenever it’s on and it’s like catered to younger contestants (7-17 type) and during auditions they be sending 3yo’s???? they haven’t even started talking and they sent them out for singing 😭😭😭😭 YEOSANG IS THE NEW NCT HOLLYWOOD MEMBER??? iM SO SURPRISED! MORE PROMOS FOR HIM! AND TEASERS LIKE THIS

Yes his name is Baek Dohwa when I saw it I wheezed and then someone called him Hwa once and I??? Yes it's the eyes, the black haired guy Eunhyuk has Tae's eyes and fluffy hair. ///// Wet shirt 👀 I think that's the other guy, or maybe I'm forgetting something, but things are escalating there too

But listen this and this. And

i was about to answer the above paragraph and my finger slipped to the atrocity u linked there. the way i froze, anon. what IS GOING ON WHAT ARE U DOING ! ON A MONDAY !!!! UR SENDING THIS AND EXPECT ME TO NOT SCREAM BC THAT IS LITERALLY PARK SEONGGWA DVWNDHWKDHWK IM DBQKHDWKHDWKHDKW

wet shirt. seongjun. and u never told me tHIS WAS HAPPENING IN THE WEBTOON FOR FREE

I once heard a remix of The Boys and I am the best and ascended 😵 can't find it now, but goddddd I think that person also mixed 4Minute's Crazy and f(x)'s Electric Shock

ARE U TALKING ABOUT THIS

omg did u hear all the the boys remix’s 😮‍💨🤲🏻 the t r x sends a nostalgia 🤌🏻🤌🏻 CRAZY AND ELECTRIC SHOCK??? do u rmr this remix and the twiceblackvelvet remix that broke everyone WAIT HOLDON HAVE U WATCHED THOSE MULTIFANDOM EDITS this one 🤚🏻 what an era tbh

Why are these men exposed?! They need this

YEAH COVER THEM UP !!!!! COVER THEM UP RN 🔫🔫🔫 at least we get moments like this 😭😭 bro is tIRED,, 😭😭😭 i wish they’d do this once in a while, i want hwa to do this so bad

i watched harry potter again and mr pattinson had me BY THE NECK !!!! damiano is so very attractive, he sometimes looks like princess diana 😭😭😭 i would’ve thought that tom hiddleston would have been in ur list for sure BUT TOM HARDY?? THATS A NEW 👀👀 i would add the chat noir from miraculous ladybug too tbh <3

The collabs for that show are so random, but if they somehow come true I'll be levitating. Suga and Taeyeon?! I'm sorry, but HOW

no ur right, it’s so random,, but pairing taeyeon and suga would probably be a another iu and suga type of music tbh fbwnfh

I'm stealing that choker wtf Park Seonghwa hand it over! What a neck it's definitely necking ☺ /// Devastation... /// Uhm anyways. I'm looking disrespectfully /// Ahhhh finally the first episode is out! (Seonghwa coded) - DV 💖

HE IS SO PRETTY IN THAT NECKLACE bro is so fine, the blond, the blue outfit and the sparkly necklace 😩😩😩 my new religion

this man is crazy and i would like every inch of him and this is the same guy

STOP THE FIRST EP LOOKS SO GOOD STOP IT SHKWFHWKHDKW

i also want to say what us wRONG WITH AUSTRALIA????? I WAS SENT A VIDEO OF A SNAKE, BLACK SKINNY SNAKE IN MY FAMILYS HOUSE AND THEYRE NOT EVEN PANICKING????? FHWKHDKW HOW IS UR FRIEND LIVING THERE????????????£|€\¥|!£]

anon, what the hell

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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thatfuzzyfamiliarspace · 1 year

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Hit a new low today. It wasn’t even scary, just sad. Alex will never realise how she saved me today. It’s fucking awful going from such a high to a plummeting rock bottom. I don’t think he sees me the same anymore. He sounded disgusted when I told him I didn’t get anything in college. The annoying this is I should’ve got a distinction. It was 3 fucking P units that I didn’t submit. I didn’t tell my parents. For months they asked me when I was getting my certificates. Until the point they realised I wasn’t gonna get them. Fucked up a levels and then my engineering course. What a fucking failure. Set out to be just like my sister. I didn’t think I’d get into this predicament. The coming that hired me from college never even asked for my certs. I’ve never been asked for anything like that, no one I’ve spoken to has either. It’s gonna look awful if I tell my manager I don’t have any. Maybe I could just tell Emma, but would she say sommin ? Idk. Idk how tf to fix this. He doesn’t understand, I can’t just tell the truth coz it’ll always look over me. I actually feel happy here. I feel like people respect me and believe I know my shit. They won’t anymore if they all find out. And esp Graham. He thinks so much of me and his opinion of me means so much. I don’t wanna leave this job.

I just feel awful and icky. Jordan probably thinks I’m scum now. That I’m some college failure. Not someone he can brag about and show off to his dad. I wanna be successful and smart and for him to be proud of me. But the nastiness is his response to me, just told me everything I need to know. I’ve really fucked up. And it’s only been 2 fucking days ffs. Shit can never just go right for me can it ? I can never just be happy ? I’d gotten over all the college shit. But now I just feel guilt and shame all over again. Like I’m never allowed to move on.

My only hope is I can speak to Emma and see if she’ll keep it confidential. But I can’t guarantee that. If the guys find out I won’t wanna work there anymore. It’ll fuck everything up. I wish I could just deserve this and to be happy. But clearly I don’t. It’s “karma” as he put it. I must be a fucking awful person for shit to just keep kicking me down. I swear it feels like life just taunts me with my ups so that the lows feel so much worse are harder. It’s like a cruel joke and the universe is just laughing at me.

I don’t know why I ever get my hopes up anymore coz it just hurts more and more everytime my happiness gets ripped away from me.

Yeah, I shouldn’t have chatted shit, but everyone fucking does it and I really didn’t think it would be relevant !! But course, I need to learn my lesson don’t I. That’s what he says. Like I’m some dumb idiot. Well I defo won’t make that mistake again for sure. But that doesn’t change the situation now and doesn’t fucking benefit me at all.

The whole drive there I just debated if I just took myself out or others with me too. I didn’t even care. I couldn’t even see behind all the tears I was just letting fate decide that fucking outcome. I wanted to park up and hurt myself but Alex saw last time. She’d defo pick up on it. I feel so fucking worthless. To go from yesterday to today is just too painful. Seeing and hearing how proud he was of me to how he spoke to me today.

And now I gotta go over there where he’s gonna fuckign talk about it all over again. I don’t wanna hear it. I shouldn’t have fucking said anything. What tf was I expecting for him to say ? Idiot. Fucking idiot. It’s worse him knowing than work finding out. God I just wanna go numb, please

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ballorawan740 · 3 years

Text

SCP Scenarios: SCP x Fem!Child!Hybrid!Reader

Requested by: @nightfoxyycats

I'm so sorry this took longer than expected T_T

(Yes Ik it's longer than the others I do, and that's cuz I usually end up mixing the headcanons into drabbles/one-shots, but this time, I kept it as bullet points and I got carried away. Oops. And yes, it's easier to write headcanons this way but it'll end up being long af)

When Cain first met you, he overheard and was curious about this new SCP during a test, so he decided to come and watch, from afar of course.

Anyways, the little test was just a plain and boring one and little (Y/N) was taken back to her containment cell after 10 minutes. Cain had requested to see you as he remembered seeing in your file that you can breathe fire and cry lava among other things due to your dragon abilities.

It's not like he didn't believe them since he's been in the foundation for many years, but he was just curious about a hybrid child like you and wanted to see if you were doing well. You being a shy child was quiet at first and when Cain went to visit you every so often, you both became close and he was a father figure to you, even though you were abandoned by your father since birth and your mother died not long later.

He took good care of you and made sure you were well fed. You were rather polite to the guards and staff so Cain wouldn't need to worry too much about you intentionally killing them. But only for a short period of time as who knows what you'll be like when you're older.

Luckily for Cain, you were also carnivorous, so he didn't have to worry about you eating your 5 a day (not that you wanted to anyways you ungrateful meat-eating child).

Whenever there's a containment breach, the first thing he does is to look for you

Aside from some side effects, he isn't worried too much as he wouldn't receive any wounds anyways so hell just charge towards anyone who looks/sound like you

He's basically your new dad ok?

SCP 076 (Abel)

Abel first came into contact with you during a containment breach

He just saw you casually flying around and occasionally lending the guards a hand by breathing fire just to burn some holes for easier access (how professional)

He saw you again moments later when you were alone and you decided to approach this hulk of a man to ask for some help, thinking he worked there. Abel had abandoned you (like your hopes and dreams left you a millennium years ago) but you insisted on going with him so he took you in

Later his rage in the facility had vanished as he had cared for you for the short period of time he had met you and handed you over to the guards, much to their surprise

He then ran away as he's not totally scared of kids or anything and hid in his box

You insisted on visiting 076-2 and so the researchers did, realising much later that you both had bonded. Abel was a parental figure to you.

A very overbearing protective guardian I must say.

Even more so when there's a containment breach

Like imagine 610 and 682 mashed up together to form an extremely hostile entity and that's Abel for you

But that's only if you were hurt, if you weren't or fit was just a normal containment breach, had be extremely worried

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor) (Guy's pls don't be mistaken, I don't have any beef with 049 ok? XD If I make any characters a little OC then 049 will gladly rid the pestilence from you without consent)

This sassy MF so-called doctor right here met you when for some reason, the doctors had decided to put you both into a testing room (no, it wasn't Bright's idea).

049 was just doing his thing as you just sat on a really high chair (cuz you do be short so ofc you wouldn't be sitting on a lower chair which is lower than your taste in men/women) and watched curiously. The doctor thought it was somewhat cute and laughed slightly from your curiosity.

Sensing that you didn't have the pestilence, he allowed you to scooch closer just to see. After the test was done, the guards took you back out with slight aggression, but you, for some reason, were still polite to the guards despite their aggression which made 049's heart swell due to your pureness.

You yawned slightly and accidentally blew out fire from your mouth which almost caused a containment breach if it weren't for 049's quick thinking

Later on, the researchers had decided to put you both in the testing room again, and you both began to bond as 049 requested you to burn the bodies he performed surgery on

Needless to say, you both had a great time and the researchers were mildly amused

If you somehow knew another friend (*ahem* 035), he'd probs ask him/her to care/loof for you if there were a containment breach

Or he would just sigh and look after you himself if you were closer to 035 and he asked so nicely

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask) (Right about 049 being sassy.... I'll take that back, 035 is the sassiest, right next to a certain sculpture in the foundation)

Anyhow, 035 was actually the reason you were stuck in the foundation anyways

God knows how, but you met this guy wearing this theatre mask and you ended up here in the foundation

Now everyone thought you were either a Keter or Euclid

I mean, you were so close to being put into the Euclid class but ended up in safe since you were so polite to the researchers as well as shy and relatively easy to contain... For now

Whenever they used you in a test, you were rewarded with whatever you wanted, within reason ofc, whenever you behaved well which was like 98% of the time minus minor accidents since you weren't entirely in control of your powers

Sometimes instead of a reward, you'd request to see 035 as he would perform to you and that was only granted when its safe to do so and when that hideous mask would do as he/she/it is told

035 would be that somewhat overprotective yet goofy uncle that everyone loved and he was totally wrapped around your fingers unless you were hurt or if he urgently needed something or someone

If there was a containment breach, he'd look for you, if not he'll call out his 'friend' to look out for you (*cough* 049 *cough*)

When 035 finds you, he'd most likely ask you to fly around to see the nearest exit or he'd just carry you when there's someone chasing you

If 035 were to kill anyone, you'd cry and tell him no to which did end up in burning the floor but oh wells, they're rich enough to contain him so why not use the extra money to rebuild the floor right?

Anyways, 035 loves you no matter what and he'd do anything to make sure you're doing well

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

Ok so, when you and 999 first met each other, you were kind of just wandering around the facility minding your own business

999 just casually slithered up to your leg and offered you some sweets and a hug since you looked upset and so you accepted it

You both found a place to sit and just talk bout stuff and what life was like before you were captured

But you were cheery just like 999 and rarely attacked anyone, and if you ever did, it was either that you were hella pissed or you accidentally breathed fire/teared up some lava which burnt some stuff

The researchers would secretly take in some notes bout your interactions and just continued on with their day and left you both alone, but would sometimes keep a stern eye on you

They say it's for everyone's safety, and that's true to an extent, but the main reason they do it is to monitor your progress of you controlling your powers

Anyways, sometimes when it gets busy in the cafe or down the hallway, you just fly across the room, and sometimes, you'll be extra cheeky and play hide and seek with the researchers

999 would occasionally join in but he's more like a worried older brother to you

During containment breaches, 999 would run around looking for you and when he did, he would check if you had any injuries

When you say you didn't, he was relieved but not for long since you mentioned bout making new SCP friends and he just died right there and then (not really)

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

Similarly to Able, he'd be wary of you at first

Like, he can sense that you weren't just an ordinary child when you just appeared behind him

He was somewhat irritated when you followed him around, but you reminded him of 053, so he just let it slide and let you show some affection towards him

It's not like he didn't like it, he was just embarrassed

Anyhow, the researchers wanted to test how 682 would bond with you, so they made you meet up with him again but in his cell

You were both chatting like father and daughter and soon, everyone had found out that not only could you fly, you could also cry lava, which yes did burn a small hole on the ground and you could somehow breathe fire

You were also immune to the fire and lava so they decided to have a full-on body check and discovered that you were built similar to the komodo dragon with a side of 682 (XD Don't ask)

682 was left stunned, but luckily he didn't feel the need to run up the wall like that bunny

Like who tf invented a self-eating bunny?

Anyways, research shows that just like Abel, the giant lizard was very protective of you

The theory has it that you were somehow related to the lizard, perhaps he laid an egg before containment and some guy took it in and froze it then decided to hatch the egg

During containment breaches, he would basically rampage around the facility, killing anyone and everyone until he found you

And when he did, he would check on you like the amazing father he is and then carry on killing but was then stopped by you

So he would just carry you around until you fell asleep

SCP 105 (Iris)

I think Iris would be a good mother/sister figure when it comes to kids

It kinda came from the fact that Iris hangs out with Abel and Cain a lot, so it kinda just rubs off her

Her motherly/sisterly instinct just heightened when she first found you on a mission and she just took you in

It took a while to bribe the foundation that she kinda had custody

Not exactly custody, but she had a say when it came to your safety, especially the fact that you weren't exactly human and your appearance would cause a disturbance to others

I feel like Iris would be a stern yet kind guardian towards you, leaning towards the stern part since you're a child SCP and has fire breath and lava tears

Iris wouldn't be entirely bothered by you flying around, but she had to bribe the researchers and some SCPs to help you fly better

She would murder anyone who had to cry because they made you cry and cleaning up after your tears is such a mess considering that you have little control over them

Your fire breath on the other hand is slightly more controllable, but if you were hella happy or mad you'd breathe the fire and burn anyone/anything

Most of the time, its unintentional and you're usually sweet and kind towards anyone, so manners aren't a big thing for Iris to teach you

She'd even teach you some of the stuff she learnt/discovered and you'd just sit there being nosy and curious about everything

Like that one time, you almost caused a breach cus you were so curious and friendly that 682 was about to snap off your head and rampage out of the foundation

And don't even get me started with the brothers and 096, OML

Other than that, you both were like a family you never had :,) (You're welcome!!!)

During containment breaches, Iris would literally pick you up and run

Unless you weren't with her for whatever reason (Yes, you're attached to each other's hips... Don't lie, you love it!), she'd do anything to find you

If you were hurt, shed tend to your injuries immediately and lecture you about safety

If you weren't hurt, shed still give you a lecture, then pick you up and run

If you made friends on the way, she may or may not approve and bite of anyone head

And the foundation wouldn't want an Angry!Iris around

SCP 106 (Old Man)

This old man here is basically the definition of a cool uncle/granddad

Without a doubt, he'd go into his pocket dimension and comes back with a teddy bear or some sweets

He'd spoil you a lot and the foundation had enough of this cuz by the time you become an adult, you wouldn't be independent enough

Anyways, 106 would let you go into his dimension and practice your abilities there for the safety of others

The researchers would occasionally ask you to carry a camera with you just so they know what it's like in his pocket dimension

106 rarely gets mad, and even if he was, it'll be about someone trying to hurt you since you're too kind and shy to make him mad

You're even kind to the researchers and guards which is worrying to 106 as they might take advantage of your kindness (which may be true for some, but most of them are just glad you're kind since it makes their jobs so much easier)

Sometimes, you'd make things levitate which was a shock to anyone who walked by and witnessed this

But only for a few seconds though, so it's not much

106 would encourage you to use your telekineses and he'd attempt to train you

Which didn't work so well, so that sucks

During containment breaches, he'd use his pocket dimension to his advantage

He'd hide you in there just so you don't have to get hurt

If you weren't there with him, he'd kill and hunt down anyone who might know where you are

He'd make sure you weren't hurt otherwise he would go into scary uncle mode

If you weren't hurt, he would just hug you which stops you from crying lava

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

Now what makes you and 096 a unique pairing is that you're both shy

The only difference is that you can speak but 096 kinda doesn't

But that's not a problem since you both just understood each other since day 1

I'd say 096 is that introverted uncle/cousin but he's kinda chill and sweet with you

As for containment breaches, the only difference with this tall guy is that not only will he kill anyone who sees his face, he'd also hunt down anyone who'd hurt you

096 has a newfound ability for this and the researchers were shocked when they first found out

A certain chainsaw loving doctor wanted to test it out himself but was stopped rather quickly by the other researchers

Anyways, one time you almost burnt down the foundation because 096 crept up behind you which scared you to tears

And you screamed as well which didn't help at all since you could breathe fire

Also, when you're not with 096, you'd use your levitating powers to grab lighter objects which did result in the objects falling onto your head

And this is why you need to train more, so then objects wouldn't be yeeted onto your tiny head and knock the nonexistent brain cells out of your nonexistent brain - Sorry not sorry (Ok so at least pretend to laugh)

If anyone bullied you and you didn't say a word, 096 would know and even if you tried to stop him, it wouldn't work

Unless you're in a life-threatening situation, but even then, he'd kill the guy

Dr. Simon Glass

Unlike the others on the list, you're the one who approached the doctor

Mainly because you were lost, but you were curious as well

Simon would probably be the best person to run into, other than Kondraki, but still

It's because he's a psychologist and still very much human (I mean, Kondraki's a normal human I guess, but he has those butterfly thingys)

Anyways, when he first saw you, you were in his office flying about and crying lava

Simon saw you and was shocked but attempted to calm you down and get you you sit with him for a bit, then call the others

But boy did that not work out, because this poor innocent boi was boutta get killed by your firey breath cuz he startled you too much

Bright, Kondraki and Clef just strolled in and saw the mess and even attempted to get you to chill, but this didn't work either

So poor Simon Glass had to find his way to get you to stop being so scared which obviously worked

You sat down with him and he let you doodle on a blank piece of paper

And being a good psychologist he is, he used psychological methods to get you to feel comfortable and to start talking to which you did

You were so polite he gave it to a chocolate bar, but instead of taking it off his hands, you used your telekineses to levitate it in your direction

Simon recorded what he had seen before letting the other researchers take you and offered to take you under his wing on the condition that you were you have a check-up every now and again

That wasn't much of a problem since you were so polite and chill - Usually

During containment breaches, he would make sure that you were safe first and it wasn't so difficult to deal with you since you were with him most of the time

When you're not with him, he'd be extremely worried like a mother hen and run in any direction that would take him to you

He'd be relieved to see you and if you were hurt, he'd bandage you up and try to not cry

If you've made new friends, he would be very happy about it - Unless it's a Keter or Euclid class

They'll be on his watchlist

Anyhow, Simon Glass is basically your mother and mentor

He'd teach you all the basics you'll need and help train you if he can (he'd most likely have to ask the other doctors and SCPs with some bribery)

Dr. Jack Bright

Our favourite doctor here would be that goofy uncle/dad

I feel that he'd sympathise with you since he's also an SCP (sorta) and he feels kind of trapped in the foundation

If you're lucky enough, Jack might be able to take you out for an hour for some fresh air

You'll automatically be under his wing and nobody will ever question it. Ever.

Although he may be goofy and does stupid things, he would be surprisingly protective and his fatherly instincts kick in right away since he first met you

He would allow you to use your powers to an extent and teach you how to use your power properly

You are well aware of his anomalous abilities with his neckless, so whenever Bright had to change bodies, you'd automatically know where he is (other than the obvious neckless thingy)

If there were to have a containment breach, Bright would panic but quickly become calm as that's the only way he could find you and keep you safe

When he finds you he would give you that lecture while finding any scratches on you

If you were to grow, he would give most guys the dad glare of the century and all those guys would run tf away cuz nobody messes with Bright's newfound daughter

I have high doubts that he would let anyone do tests with you when he's not there and even if he was, they would need his approval, so most of the time, you don't even need to worry much

Dr. Alto Clef

(OML Why do I keep adding new characters?! There's so much to write T_T)

Right, so when Clef found you, it was like as if his long lost (well... not so lost) memory came back to him

For some reason, you reminded him of 166 (OML I'm so lost for this SCP, like boi she had a rewrite)

So he took you in the foundation like he did with his daughter and took care of you Since he works for the foundation, he's not remotely terrified or anything, but he's curious about your abilities

And of course, you managed to use some of your abilities because of some SCPs and Bright Clef took you to meet 166 and you both showed your abilities and since 166 is older than you, she's probably trying to help you control your powers more

Which, of course, makes Clef a proud dad

If there were any containment breaches, he'd panicked but once he found you with his other daughter, he was relieved

166 made sure that you weren't hurt and if you were, you'd be bandaged up so Clef doesn't have to worry too much

Anyhow, if Clef decides to introduce you to the tiger doctors, he'd make sure Glass is the first since he's the most sensible person (but let's face it, he wouldn't admit it)

Then it'll be Iceberg, Coggs (that's his name right), Light and a couple others Bright and Kondraki would be last since they would be somewhat chaotic (mainly Bright) even though they're the fun uncle

Whenever Clef has a mission, he'd shove you to either 166 or Glass, if he's free, if not then it'll most likely be Light (and if she's also busy, then yall screwed)

And bless the guy who takes an interest in you when you become a teen cuz our messy boi would make sure that guy would suffer

Dr. Benjamin Kondraki

Ok let's face it, Kondraki would definitely be the mother hen of the dad world in the SCP Foundation

He's literally your mother, kinda like Glass but kinda not, ya know what I'm saying?

Like he'll feed your curiosity since many people around you wouldn't and you're an SCP so you're trapped in the foundation anyways

I'd say he's quite cautious and caring, obviously, but if he's out and about, he'd definitely let you go with him

Unless he's going out for a mission, then that's a definite no-no

He would let you hang out with the safer SCPs like 999 and maybe 166 if Clef is chill, but he has to let you hang out with her cuz she's the only other SCP who could help you get a grasp with your powers

Like how to not burn the bloody floor when you cry and stop breathing fire inconsistently by accident

An attempt was made when they try to train your telekineses but they'll have to wait till you're older

Since most of the time you're stuck with Kondraki, I don't think he'd be all too worried bout breaches, of course, he'd be worried about your safety, but you're there with him

If not then god knows what Kondraki would do

Like that one time, he begged Clef and Bright to look for you in which they did but then they made him do something for them in return

Let's just say, it wasn't pleasant at all, but it could be worse since Clef had a shred of sympathy left for the man and Bright just wanted chainsaws

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

Text

Can we take a moment to talk about what a tragic character Minerva is? Y’all know that for the longest time I haven’t been the biggest fan of her, and honestly I’m still not? but I think I might’ve had a breakthrough on why that is.

Whenever I’ve asked around to see why people find her so appealing or why they consider her their favorite, I’ll get answers like, “she’s such a complex character and she deserved a redemption arc!” or “she should’ve come back to the school with us! Let Minnie be happy, you cowards! Telltale did her dirty! I could write paragraph after paragraph about her!” all sorts of things along those lines… but like, no one seems to want to actually talk about her. I find that interesting? Since when I do follow up with a “care to explain further?” I get nothing. Radio static. Like…. no, talk to me please, I just wanna understand-

Minerva within the context of TFS is such a tragedy. She grew up in a school for troubled youth where all the adults left them for death at the start of the breakout, they had walkers trying to eat the living all around them, and I’m sure she saw her fair share of traumatic violence and despair… but on the bright side, she always had her twin sister, Sophie, and little brother, Tenn. She had her friend and eventual girlfriend, Violet. She had music, and a dorm full of pretty paintings done by Sophie. She and Louis composed a song together to make everyone feel better. There are worse places to live than the school.

Then one day she got traded away to a bunch of raiders against her will, having no idea what the hell these people were gonna do to her and Sophie. They were made to be soldiers to fight in a war that had nothing to do with them. The delta fucking broke her. If we’re to believe Lilly’s story about the twins, they started their brainwashing process early on when Sophie was still alive, and it seems like Minerva was easier to control as Sophie was still planning a way out and causing trouble. Then, when Sophie convinced her to steal a boat and get the hell out, they got caught and the delta forced her to murder her own twin sister.

Like…. I’m sorry, not only did Minerva kill her own sister, but she was made to believe that was the right thing to do? That line she says about how she had to prove her loyalty to the place she calls home? That shit’s ingrained in her brain, you can tell that isn’t the first time she’s heard or said that very thing. That is what made her family to the delta. Delta is her home now, her family. Sophie was just a thing that needed to be dealt with. You keep your head down, do as you’re told, and you survive. You survive and you get to go home, eat a hot meal, take a shower, and be with your delta family. If not, you end up like Sophie.

What’s also fucked is that Minerva actually cares about these people now. Think about that. After everything they did to her and made her do, she’s been trained to see them as her family and obey. When you save Louis and he kills Dorian, Minerva actually cries out and is visibly hurt by her death. When she’s with the other raiders on land, she's screaming at walkers to get away from them. She cares about the people who made her kill Sophie… and no one ever talks about that??

She fucking hates Clementine. Clementine is just another thing in Minnie’s way. I know the part of the fandom likes to ship these two together and they think it’s hot when they fight and shit, but within the canon text, Minerva wants Clementine gone. Dead. She is the thing stopping her from having her old family merge with her new family. If Clementine hadn’t made them fight, they all would’ve been captured and they’d all be a delta family now. She would’ve had Tenn back.

Clementine is the problem, she made everyone fight back and that’s why people are dead. Minerva hates her for it… it’s not a “I hate you but like the sexual tension, y’know?” that I see people pretend it is, it’s “you are ruining everything and if I have to, I will kill you myself and I won’t give a second thought about it when they toss your body overboard.”

Like….. seriously, think about how fucked up all of this is. Minerva is a husk of who she was before she was taken away. Sure, you do have to keep in mind that when Tenn and Violet are describing her, their sights are a bit clouded, y’know? But I do believe that she was someone who was kind and cared about people, she wanted to make people feel safe and comforted.

Now she’s a brainwashed soldier who won’t help the people she used to call friends when they’re about to get limbs cut off. She won’t hesitate to knock someone unconscious or threaten a child. She’s willing to trick them into being captured with no regard for what’s going to happen to them. … all she knows is this was the mission, and now they all get to be together again back at the delta.

Then when she finds out there’s a bomb on the boat, she ditches Violet to blow up with it in order to make it to land herself. She loses her shit seeing everyone die and gets her face chewed off by a walker… and then she tries to blow Clementine and AJ up with a grenade.

Oh, and who can forget the fact that she tracks the group down with plans of murdering Tenn so that they can go to a better place together? And she’ll take down anyone who gets in her way?

Like….. jesus christ, Minerva’s waaaaay too far gone. It’s awful.

I think that’s what stumps me about why she’s so loved in the way that she is. It’s not that I don’t understand why she’s complex and well-written, I get that perfectly fine. She’s a compelling character study when you comb over all her scenes and take different factors into account.

What I don’t understand is why we tend to just throw everything interesting about her away? For what?

These days, I never see anyone talking about any of this unless they’re insisting she deserved a redemption arc which…. Eh, I’ll touch on this later. What I mostly see here and mostly other platforms is how great it would be if she and Clementine made out, or hey what if she and Violet got back together if she did come back to the school? Or they just….the best term I have for this is “uwu-ify.” As in she’s reduced to a caricature of a tall, pretty, mean, white lesbian who has “good damage.”

People insist that Telltale are cowards or bastards because their predictions of her turning on the delta to save Clem and crew didn’t happen. Instead, Minerva ends up being the final baddie you gotta get away from, and she ends up taking someone down with her. But did you really expect to just do a 180 and suddenly decide being brainwashed for over a year was lame and Clementine and friends are cool? Gonna help them out and be with Tenn again? Sure, there’s some left over trauma but love conquers and fixes everything, right?

Uh…. no? That’s not how people work? Honestly, if we entertain the idea that Minerva wasn’t bit and somehow didn’t murder Clementine when they all got back to the school…. romance is the last thing she is ever gonna think of??

I think that’s what bothers me most when reading these au’s and rants about redemption and the entire idea of clemerva as a whole. It’s the same thing that I see happen with Violet- Minerva only has value to fans if she’s in a wlw relationship. By herself, she doesn’t matter. They don’t care about her canon story, they don’t care about Sophie, they don’t care about discussing what could’ve happened if she and Tenn reunited under better circumstances or had a healing recovery together. But why?

Throwing a girlfriend at her isn’t some band aid that’s gonna cover up all the bad she went through?? Having an enemies to lovers romance with Clementine isn’t going to fix a years worth of brainwashing, trauma or the fact that she murdered her own sister and the delta told her she's proved her worth to them??

Having the support of those around her is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. The idea of the Ericson crew as a whole trying to help her out and do the best they can to accommodate her is bittersweet since there’s only so much they can do. They’re not trained therapists, which is what Minerva would need and plenty of years ahead of her to work through and come to terms with everything that happened as well as taking steps forward. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have friends or that she couldn’t have a healthy romantic relationship someday... but that isn’t the solution, y’know?

I don’t know how else to explain this, but it makes me feel weird that all of this stuff is flat out overlooked or doesn’t appear to matter to fans of her.

Look, I get it. We all want these characters to be happy. AU’s are a thing, after all. Sometimes we want to forget about the bad things and focus on the good that bring us comfort. You wanna gush about the idea of an AU where the twins never got traded, the raiders didn’t exist, and Clementine got to meet them the way they were before? I feel that, AU’s are super comforting and fun to explore, and my point isn’t to try and shame anyone who has an AU you like this.

Hell, you think I don’t have days where I pretend mute Louis isn’t a thing because the whole concept of Louis having his tongue cut out of his mouth breaks my fucking heart? No, lot’s of days I just want to forget everything about that route, I want to set aside all the bad and just intake as much clouis fluff as I can get…. But that doesn’t mean I always ignore or refuse to acknowledge the bad just because I don’t like it. I fucking hate the fact that Louis loses his tongue when you don’t save him, but guess what? That’s a canon route you can play, just like any other route, and the possibilities that come with a mute Louis are vast and compelling.

This is how it is for me… my favorite characters are my favorite for a reason, and I take all the bad with the good. Louis isn’t perfect, and I don’t want him to be. I was to dive into his backstory about why did that to his parents, I like to talk about what he went through with Marlon’s murder and his feelings about AJ and Clementine at the point, I like to view his love of music as bittersweet. He can stand on his own, and while he is a love interest for Clementine, that isn’t his only purpose.

I know everyone’s different, they express their love for characters in their own ways, but I do have a genuine question: do you guys actually like Minerva?

Believe it or not, I’m not trying to step on toes or make everyone feel defensive which I know is how people will react to this. “You’re just saying all of this to make us feel bad for shipping clemerva! You don’t even like Minnie so you don’t get to say shit!” yeah yeah, I hear you and look, it’s true that she’s not my favorite character. I know I’ve said I hate her in the past but upon reflection and throwing out fandom interpretations.... I don’t hate her. I get it now. She’s a great character study to dissect and analyze and I think she deserves more than what the writers and the fandom have given her.

And yeah, what I do hate is clemerva, and I’ve explained why. It’s not for me, it makes me uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, who cares? Me not liking it doesn’t mean anything to those who create AU’s for them. They have their reasons, they can do as they please as long as they’re not hurting anyone. I’m just here pointing out things I see and things that bother me in hopes of starting a discussion.

There’s my ramble about Minerva. I’m gonna go make some tea now.

#twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg sophie #twdg tenn #twdg violet #twdg louis #twdg marlon #twdg lilly #twdg aj #twdg

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edgarsfrog · 3 years

Text

i rlly enjoy making these hcs, as they always bring out the softie in me and i can use my imagination… lmk if you guys like these!! <3

if michael and sam had a sister, and she was sam’s twin:

i would just like to start off by saying that sam seems like 15 years old

so that’s how old they are in these hcs!

so the emerson girl would be quite a sweetheart

she would get her kindness from her mother

and most likely her and sam’s looks from her dad

(even tho we don’t know what their dad looks like… have you seen the emerson brothers?)

sam and her are fraternal twins btw

so they don’t look a lot alike

i feel like she would have curly, more dark hair like michael

she has always stuck to small groups of friends just bc she naturally has trust issues

and when she finds out that her family is moving to santa carla,

she literally sobs and begs lucy to let her stay in phoenix

but to no avail, she’s forced to come along

but her friends throw a going away party for her and it’s really fun <3

i would say even tho she’s a sweetheart

she’s definitely a trouble maker

like, she’s the first one to ever smoke weed or drink besides michael

she’s always hung around stoners so it was bound to happen

lucy was never a huge fan of who her daughter hung around

but she didn’t want to seem controlling so she just let the girl learn from her own mistakes

she definitely loves comic books like sam

that’s honestly how they learned to read

but anyways

when they move to santa carla she’s quite intrigued by how different people are there

and literally on the first day she’s adjusting pretty well

she spends the whole day setting up her room

and ofc it’s DECKED out

she legit has a whole polaroid wall of her and her friends from phoenix

and ofc her family as well

she ends up stealing the molly ringwald poster from sam’s room

bc…

why tf not??? LMAOO

her and sam’s rooms are the one connected to the bathroom

and she knows she’s gonna hate that

but anways

when her and her brothers go to the boardwalk for the first time that night,

she’s instantly falls in love with the environment

she gets pretty anxious easily tho and is probably clutching onto sam’s arm for dear life

which sam doesn’t care bc he’s just a sweetie <3

and he knows how his sister is when it comes to large crowds of people

so when michael sees star for the first time

she’s the first one to notice

and she slaps his arm bc he’s literally just staring really creepily

so when michael goes to follow her,

she’s the voice of reason

“you know, mike… you don’t even know this girl! i don’t think it would be a fresh start if you got a restraining order on the first day of us living here!”

and when michael shoos the twins away,

OFC they both end up in the comic book store

and when edgar frog sees her and sam for the first time

this man just kind of like…

blanks out for a moment

cause she’s just so pretty

and sam cracked a joke about the frog brother’s parents

and edgar saw her smile and he felt his heart just sort of drop

BC OH MY GOD SHE’S SO BEAUTIFUL AND GORGEOUS AND COOL LOOKING AND PLUS SHES LOOKING AT THE COMICS SO LIKE SHE MUST LIKE COMICS RIGHT?????

but ofc it’s the frog brothers

so edgar keeps the mean exterior as him and alan follow the two around the store

she surprisingly is the first one to notice how hard the boys are staring

and she even grabs onto sam’s arm bc their staring is just making her so damn anxious

JEEZ FROGS CHILL OUT

but when they actually start talking…

she has to hold everything back from cackling

cause she can tell that they’re just trying so hard to act tough

“something funny, sweetheart?” edgar will ask her, literally STARING into her soul

she’ll get nervous and just look down at her shoes

bc like…

a boy just called her sweetheart….

and he’s…..

cute????

no yeah he’s definitely cute

and that’s the moment she instantly started crushing on edgar frog

so ofc when they go home that night she can’t stop thinking ab him

she literally calls her best friend from phoenix and tells her all about it

and she’s just like:

“HE CALLED ME SWEETHEART!! NO GUY HAS EVER CALLED ME THAT! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!”

the next day when sam invites her to the comic book store

she’s just like: “YEAH! TOTALLY! HOLD ON! LET ME PUT SOME MAKEUP ON AND STUFF!”

and from that moment sam figured out that she had a crush on at least one of the frogs

bc like….

she’s never gone out of her way to put makeup on to go out to do something simple you know??

he’s kinda opposed to it bc edgar and alan just seem like grade A assholes

but he doesn’t tell her that yet bc…

he’s never even going to speak to them again… right??

yeah… you thought wrong sammy

but just wait (:

so they go to the comic book store

and ofc the frog brothers start stalking the emerson twins again

and sam is just like: 🙄

while she on the other hand: 🥰😌

she literally feels like she could puke bc at one point edgar literally gets so close to her

and secretly he’s doing it bc he knows he’s having some kind of affect on her

little bastard ):<

while edgar and alan are giving sam their little speech about fighting for truth, justice—

yeah yeah yall know what i’m talking about

she knocks over a rack of comics bc she’s just so nervous being around edgar again

sam just looks at her

and he says: “nice going, jitter bug!”

he’s called her that since they were little for obvious reasons

and she’s really embarrassed

she literally just dashes out the comic book store

and now she’s just kind of like: ):

bc she embarrassed the crap out of herself

when sam leaves finally,

edgar picks the rack and comic books up

and he just smiles to himself bc her face was just too cute when she did it

oh shit

yeah edgar is in deep too

but sam reassures her that it doesn’t really matter what those two bozos think

and he gets her ice cream

cause our precious sammy always makes everything better for his sister <3

(ilysm sam emerson)

she notices on the back of the comic sam got, that their’s a number on the back

and she can only assume that it’s edgar and alan’s

so when they get home she keeps debating on whether or not she should call to apologize for being so clumsy

plus

*cough* *cough*

she really wants to heard edgar’s voice again

but that doesn’t matter ofc :D

so finally she just says “fuck it” and calls the number

ALAN ofc is the one to pick up

and she’s just kinda like:

“umm… is edgar there?”

and her face is just like: 😵‍💫😵‍💫 the whole time

alan gets edgar’s attention and covers the phone

“it’s for you.”

edgar is just really confused

“think it’s that girl”

edgar instantly snatches the phone from his brother

“hello?”

she freezes for a moment

OH MY GOD SHE FORGOT WHAT SHE WAS GONNA SAY

OH SHIT

OH FUCK

“uh—i—um…”

she’s not good with these types of things so like she just keeps stuttering and tripping over her words

“having a bloodsucker problem, sweetheart?” edgar asks

and her face literally goes: 😵‍💫🤨🥴🥰

alan is listening to this whole conversation bc he can’t keep his nose in his own business smh

“n-n-no… just—i want to—uh… apologize for… knocking your guys’s stuff over…”

edgar and alan just both look at each other really confused

she panics bc edgar doesn’t respond

so she just impulsively goes:

“okay, mom! i’ll get it! alright, gotta go! pizza’s here!”

and she slams the phone back onto the hook

“oh my god… oh my god i’m so stupid…”

she just tries to forget about the whole situation and focus on her family

well then the next night comes

and the whole michael thing happens

and when i tell you this girl is scared SHITLESS

i mean

chair propped up under the doorknob

windows locked

she is terrified of her older brother

which michael feels really bad about bc they’ve always been close ):

but what she doesn’t know is that when sam called the frog brothers earlier that night

edgar had asked if michael had hurt her

if she was okay

if she knew what was going on

sam’s just like:

“YES, EDGAR SHES FINE”

when michael is just suddenly flying out the window

the poor emerson girl turns into a scream queen

i mean jamie lee curtis WISHES

she can barely even sleep that night

bc one:

she’s really scared

and two:

she’s really worried about mike ):

cause like that’s her big bro )):

so the next day when lucy and sam go out to run errands

obviously max’s dog literally tries to MURDER lucy

and as soon as they get home sam finds his twin sister still knocked out just bc she was up all night worried sick

and sam literally just starts pulling random clothes out of her closet in a huge panic bc of what he witnessed

“WAKE UP! IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP”

she’s all confused when she wakes up

and he attempts to tell her what happened

but one he’s talking super fast

and two the poor girl literally just woke up

“we’re going to the comic book store! get up and get dressed!”

she instantly is just like: 😳 “i—uh—can’t… i’m on my period!”

“well… what does that matter? i’ve seen you do a backflip on a trampoline once while you were on your period… what difference does going to see edgar and alan make??”

so yeah sam forces her to go with him

and she’s literally in tears bc she’s still so embarrassed over what happened the other day

plus

edgar probably doesn’t even like her so what’s the point? ):

sike

at one point sam is literally dragging her by her shirt

“NO! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! THIS IS KIDNAPPING IN THE SECOND DEGREE, SAM!”

“SHUT UP! I’M LITERALLY YOUR BROTHER!”

“NO YOU’RE NOT!”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!”

“HELP! SOME RANDOM KID WITH A BAD HAIRCUT IS KIDNAPPING ME!”

“SHUT UP!”

“NO YOU!”

and when they finally reach the store….

she just gives up when she sees edgar

cause like

he’s wearing a shirt that looks really good on him

on the inside she’s just like:

“his arms”🥰🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍

but she’s really quiet while sam is explaining the whole max thing to edgar and alan

and finally when edgar and alan agree to come over that night, he just looks over at her and is like:

“good job… you didn’t knock over anything this time.”

and she doesn’t know what to do so she lets out this…

laugh?

cackle??

giggle???

yeah it was definitely a loud giggle of some sort

they all look at her like: 🤨🤨

especially sam bc….

NEVER IN ALL THESE YEARS HAS HE HEARD HIS SISTER LAUGH LIKE THAT

“oh! look at the time! looks like i gotta go—you know—bathe nanook!”

“but i just gave nanook a bath two days ago…”

“what’s wrong with having a clean dog, sammy?! that’s right! absolutely nothing!”

well later that night when dinner happens

she’s kinda just watching everything go downhill from the sidelines

and she giggles a little bit after sam spills the water on max’s pants

and edgar just looks over at her

and they kinda just stare at each other for a bit

bc deep down edgar believes that it was probably the cutest sound he’s ever heard

wait…

a cute sound??

how TF can a sound be cute???

edgar and her are just a mess over each other but they don’t even know it

so dinner ends right

and sam’s all grumpy bc the plan failed

but edgar and alan stay over for a bit bc ya know

and as they’re about to leave, she comes out of the bathroom in her pj’s after she takes a shower

and edgar sees her

and she sees him

and he SMIRKS at her

AND LOOKS HER UP AND DOWN

he’s hella simping for the emerson girl

and she’s just like: 😊

so the next day comes

and everything is super chaotic obvs

going into that cave was the SCARIEST thing she ever had to do

and when they were crawling through the small little opening she kept whining about the smell

“jesus… the bathroom smells better than this… even when sam gets done using it!”

so when they go to drop down

edgar just looks at her all scary

and he literally just says:

“no. you’re staying up here.”

AND NOTHING ELSE.

she stays tho

so like… it’s whatever

she’s literally screaming her ass off when edgar stakes marko

and she actually is the one to help them all back up

AND INSTEAD OF SAM BEING GRABBED BY DAVID IT’S HER

AND FUCK THAT EDGAR FROG IS HAVING NONE OF THAT

she helps them prepare for the vamps to come to the house that night

and she’s super anxious and paranoid

and at one point she’s just pacing back and forth around the lot he’s scared shitless

and edgar sees her

and he TOUCHES HER ARM

“it’s gonna be fine, you know? nothing is gonna hurt you.”

and for the first time he just smiles at her like: (:

so when the whole thing happens it’s really scary

and edgar doesn’t let the poor girl out of sight

and she’s just clutching onto him the whole time

and he doesn’t mind bc…

well…

ya know (:

when it’s all over…

she’s so happy that her and her family is safe

and she literally hugs michael so many times it’s not even a damn joke

she even hugs edgar and alan (:

so by default her and star are besties obviously

sometimes michael gets jealous bc of how much time his girlfriend and his little sister spend together

when school starts back up she starts making new friends

and sam is just a little jealous

but he’s cool with it bc he’s got the frog brothers

but edgar is just a little shit about it ):<

like she’ll be telling them about something that one of her friends did during class

and edgar will just be like:

“oh yeah… cause your new friends are just soooo funny, huh?”

but deep down it’s bc he just wants to hang out with her all the time

at one point she kinda gets over her crush on edgar

and she meets this new guy

and he asks her out on a date

and she’s so excited bc it’s her first date!!

and star and lucy help her get ready and all that fun stuff

michael DOES NOT approve btw

“she’s 15… she’s too young to be dating” 🙄

SHUT UP micheal

this guy and her really hit it off

and he even kisses her

yeah she just really likes him

and they date for a few months

and she just starts distancing herself from edgar, alan, and sam bc she’s so involved with other things

and edgar is really sad about it deep down ):

sometimes he’ll call the emerson house just to hear her voice for a few seconds

and sometimes while him and alan are hanging out with sam at the house,

her boyfriend will come over

and edgar will just be forced to watch them kiss and stuff ):

sam isn’t the biggest fan of his twin sister’s boyfriend

he told michael and the frog brothers once, “i don’t know… i just get bad vibes…”

well

he was right

cause the mf ends up CHEATING on her at a party

she doesn’t tell anyone for a couple of days

bc one she just needs to process it

and two…

well.

HER BROTHERS.

she tells star first obviously

and star feels really bad and ends up getting her ice cream and just letting her cry

and then she tells lucy

and lucy is one mad momma bear

but she keeps it cool for the sake of her daughter

but… oh shit

SAM OVERHEARS THE CONVERSATION

SAMMY EMERSON IS ON OVERDRIVE MFS

YALL BETTER MOVE OUT OF HIS WAY

he tells michael

and michael is just as angry

and the way edgar finds out is kinda funny

cause like sam came to the comic book store later when he was supposed to

and when edgar asks why sam just says:

“ah… ya know—sister got cheated on, had to go and take care of it…”

edgar is automatically just like: 🤬🤬🤬😡😡🤬

cause like…

WHO WOULD EVER DO THAT TO HER?

AND WHY?

SHE’S SO PERFECT AND PRETTY AND AMAZING AND FUNNY AND SHE HAS SUCH A NICE SMILE AND SHE KNOWS A LOT ABOUT COMICS AND SHE HAS A REALLY CUTE LAUGH AND SHE EATS HER SPAGHETTI REALLY WEIRD AND SHE LOVES DIPPIN DOTS AND SHE HATES GETTING SAND BETWEEN HER TOES AND SHE REALLY LIKES STUFFED ANIMALS AND SHE LOVES AQUAMAN AND SHE STUTTERS WHEN SHE’S NERVOUS AND SHE’S JUST THE CUTEST MF HUMAN BEING ALIVE SO HOW COULD ANYONE EVER DO THAT TO HIS GIRL?

oh….

yeah.

edgar might be in love with her

but ya know

who knows, really?😁

so edgar is just tired of pretending at the point

like he just misses her too much

and he wants to be her boyfriend so bad

and he’s never felt this way for anyone so it just stresses him out

and so he goes to hang out with sam one night

and he catches her crying in the living room all by herself

and he just quietly sits down beside her

and she ends up spilling her guts out about how she feels

and that she doesn’t feel good enough, or pretty enough, or cool enough—

well he just kisses her bc fuck all that noise

she’s so perfect to him

and that’s all that matters

and instantly she’s back into edgar

like… cheating asshole who?

he takes her on their first date to a drive in

and it’s super sweet bc now edgar isn’t really faking anything

and ofc they just end up making out in the back of the car but it’s fine bc they just both really like each other :D

sam is a little reluctant about them being together

but at one point he just kinda realizes that edgar objectively is the best choice for her

michael is just kinda like:

“why edgar frog?”🤨🤨🤨

but anyways

this girl really likes to spend time with her mom

she cooks with lucy

helps her clean

all around her mom is just one of her best friends

sometimes she can be mean to her brothers

but she really doesn’t mean to be

and when they argue she’s always the first one to give and and apologize

but yeah

that’s all

i love the emerson family <3

(canon or non-canon)

#awesome monster bashers #sam emerson #alan frog #the lost boys #edgar frog #the lost boys headcanon #michael emerson #edgar frog headcanons #alan frog headcanons #headcanons

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ressjeon · 3 years

Text

ghost of you | jhs

pairing: jung hoseok x female reader

summary: he keeps begging you to go, but you insist on staying

genre: childhood best friend!au, angst, slow burn, drama, little bit of fluff

warnings: implied smut (brief affair), swearing, alcohol consumption

word count: 12k (whoops more than planned)

a/n: so this is my very first full fic whew. there’s been last minute changes so I procrastinated but do listen to the song of the same title by 5 Seconds of Summer while reading this :)

and since this is VERY late from his birthday i just decided to submit it to @houseofddaeng’s Happy Hobiuary event this year and i chose a comeback look with my favourite hair colour on him, this was from the Euphoria MV ❤️

Clearing your throat, you got the attention of everyone at the table. Now all eyes on you, you feel your confidence starting to falter. Who fucking cares, this monthly dinner with Hoseok's family is the best time for this.

"Um..so me and Hobi were thinking.." you eyed Hoseok beside you to help you continue explaining what you both have been planning for weeks.

"Y/N and I are thinking of getting a house together" Hoseok smiled back at you and you flushed.

"You wanna live together! Omg my ship is sailing!" Hoseok's sister Jiwoo is squealing while poking your sides. You just glared at her, eyeing her to stop just in case Hoseok catches on.

"N-no, not like that, we'll share a house near our campus" you clarified but the knowing look from your Mom is making you nervous, she can always read you. "Yeah, cause the dorms in uni are separated but we don't want to live apart" Hoseok chimed in cheerfully, putting an arm around your shoulder.

"Well then, of course. Who are we to stop you both" Hoseok's Dad smiled at you both and you felt his Mom's teasing eyes when you nuzzled into Hoseok's side. Your parents have not said anything and you contemplated asking, now anxiously holding Hoseok's hand beside you. His parents looked at yours hopefully and then your Dad finally decided to face you both.

"You both are now adults so do whatever you want" a look of surprise etched up on your face and you resisted to smile broadly, maintaining your cool exterior when you're actually screaming inside of happiness.

You can't help but think that this could possibly help you develop your relationship with Hoseok on another level.

After settling down, things are going well with you and Hoseok welcoming freshman year of university together. You're just glad that he never changed despite him gaining more friends because of his bright personality.

Meanwhile, you're the opposite. Literally people avoid you when they see you or seem hesitant every time you make a conversation which is bs so you eventually give up on making new friends. Hoseok once told you that you have this “hostile” aura, though he tried to convince you to still try but you don’t care anymore. Him has always been enough.

Most people wonder how you and Hoseok are best friends because of how opposite the two of you are. There is one thing that you and Hoseok share a hobby though, dancing. Which is why after the house was purchased, you both decided to transform the basement into a mini dance studio, it’s literally just a room with full wall mirrors and of course, only his family supported the idea.

"We'll pay you back after we graduate, promise!" you giggled excitedly, both of your hands clasping together, thanking Hoseok’s parents for being supportive. Finally you can dance freely now that you are out of your parents' lair, they were never supportive of you venturing in the arts anyways.

Though you haven't actually delved into dancing fully, Hoseok knows how good you are since every time he sees you secretly practicing, he always gets mesmerized with your moves. You've never taken any dance lessons and yet you're already this good, a natural hence why Hoseok decided that he’s gonna help you in going back to it fully this time.

"Let's choreograph a dance together" Hoseok beamed at you while you both are eating breakfast one morning.

"Wait what? Why all of a sudden?" you pouted, looking at him in confusion. Though his idea is amazing, you're not sure if you're good enough compared to Hoseok. He's dancing skills are out of this world with years of professional experience and you're just, well, you who only dances for fun.

"Why not? Y/N you're naturally talented you know, I don't know why you can't see it" Hoseok smiled warmly at you and reached out to hold your hand across the countertop. You almost choked with your toast when you looked at his eyes so you covered it with a cough.

"Pshh fine, be patient with me okay? I'm not as good as you" you jokingly glared at him, snatching back your hand. You hope that the shade of the morning sunlight is covering your blush cause you definitely felt your cheeks heating up.

Yeah you have feelings for him. Yeah you love him, so what? It's not like you can stop yourself in developing them. You tried but with a guy like Hoseok, that's impossible. Though you've been planning to confess, you just don't have the perfect timing yet.

After a few weeks, you are planning to confess to Hoseok tonight so you texted him to meet at your favorite restaurant at 8pm. You said it's your treat so he promised to be there, I mean he never breaks his promises anyways.

You're feeling jumpy for the first time, well it's different since it's Hoseok. After years of keeping your feelings, you're finally ready to tell him. Funny how brave you are in everything else except for this one, you smiled to yourself. You were early at the restaurant and laughed at yourself. Okay maybe you're too excited on what's going to happen tonight. Minutes passed after 8 and he still hasn't come so you readied yourself while waiting for him.

He's late, I mean you shouldn't be panicking since it's only been a couple of minutes but you can't help getting worried so you texted him. You mentally giggled, adoring the cute nickname you have for him that you only change when you’re alone. You always set it back to “Hoseok” afterwards in case he calls you in public, especially at uni.

[Hobi loml <3: Hobi are you almost here?]

You didn't wanna be too pushy. One text is enough and you took a deep breath while waiting for him. The waiter stopped by but you dismissed him saying that your companion will be here any minute now.

45 minutes have passed and he's still not here. You waited for more and it’s now 9:30 so you’re agitated now.

[Hobi loml <3: Hobi? Are you still coming?]

When you didn't get a reply, you smiled bitterly and just asked the same waiter to take out the food you ordered. He looked at you sympathetically but good thing he didn't say anything.

Arriving at your shared home, you noticed that the lights were off. So he’s not even home, where tf could he possibly be at this hour. Just when you were about to call him, you received a text from Hoseok but a guy named Jimin is telling you that Hoseok is with them and that he would be staying the night at the boys’ dormitory.

So not only he forgot the formal dinner you prepared but he stood you up, basically ditching you to be with his new friends. He broke his promise..

You’re wondering if this is only the beginning of him breaking his promises to you.

A few months after that night, you notice that there’s something changing in Hoseok. You barely see him anymore since he spends a lot of time now with his other friends, but at least he still comes home at night and treats you the same. You’ve been waiting for a perfect time but you don’t want to delay your confession any longer so you decided to corner him one night after dinner.

“Hoseok, can we talk?” you muttered and he eyed you curiously.

“About what? And why are you fidgeting?” he coaxes you on, raising his eyebrows.

You straightened yourself and reached out to hold both of his hands, clutching them tightly.

Then staring into his eyes, you poured all your emotions on them as you declared what’s been deep down your heart for so many years.

“I like you, Hoseok” you smiled lovingly at him while his eyes widened in complete shock. His silence along with puzzled eyes looking back at you is making your heartbeat faster every second of him not doing anything.

“Y/N..” his voice came out unsure, I mean his face gave it all so now you’re very nervous.He probably thinks you’re just playing around and you’re getting restless.

“Hoseok, I’m serious okay?” you try to sound determined though your confidence is slowly dissipating.

Back in silence, you can tell he’s been trying to be careful with his words, maybe to try not to hurt you. God if he rejects you-

“I don’t know what to say, uhm..thanks?” if this is in another situation you would’ve thought how adorable he is scratching the back of his head.

Hoseok doesn’t know how to respond to you. He knows you’re usually upfront in most things but he didn’t expect this from you. He’s literally clueless on what to say but you’re his best friend so he trusts you.

What the hell got into you to think that a confession would be so simple. Well, you just decided to break the usual “I’ve been in love with my best friend for so long but I don’t want to ruin our friendship” thing. Not that there’s wrong with that, it’s very hard for some people to do so. So here you are, just finished confessing your feelings to your best friend and for the first time you’re nervous around him.

“Was I supposed to say ‘you’re welcome’?” you huffed, trying to act dismissive. “So what’s your answer? Again I told you I wasn’t joking, I like you Hoseok”. He gulped, you only use his real name when you’re very serious but he literally thought you were trying to prank him earlier or something.

“Uhm, can you give me some time?” he looks at you with hopeful eyes.

Fuck. You’re making him uncomfortable. Fuck.

“Shit, Hobi I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” he cuts you off before you can even continue.

“No, no, it’s not that.. It’s just-” he paused and breathed deeply, gathering his thoughts.

“I totally understand if-” you’re already panicking given that you're now speaking faster than usual.

“I’m not really sure how to be in a relationship, there.” He blurted, letting out a deep sigh that made you pause. You didn’t expect he would be just honest about the real reason at the moment so you smiled at him.

“It’s okay Hobi, we can take it slow and-” you’re already saying too much but who cares, it’s not like he rejected you so there must be something, right?

“Look, um I can’t give you a real answer yet but I trust you so I want us to give a chance ‘kay?” his tone shifting softly while shuffling your hair, walking away outside after.

You pouted but nodded anyways. Hoseok’s glad that he got out of the conversation smoothly, at least now he’s relieved since you’re back to calling him “Hobi”.

Honestly, he’s happy knowing about your feelings for him. Smiling brightly at the night sky outside in the backyard of your shared home, thinking how he made his ever-confident best friend nervous just for a confession.

A ding from his phone pulled him out from his reverie,

[Unknown: We need to talk. Answer me or else she’ll know ;)]

Hoseok already knows who this is, given that he had blocked her numbers for a while now. He just didn’t expect that she’ll go this far, even going after you now. He just hopes this would be like the other warnings that he was able to handle.

[Unknown: image.]

[Unknown: Still not gonna answer me? You have a day <3]

He couldn't move from where he’s standing, staring at his phone in shock. This couldn't be happening, despite his confusion earlier you actually made his day better (as usual) but he doesn't know if he will be for yours after this anymore. Still staring at the text, Hoseok couldn’t think straight after what he just read. He’s hoping it’s not real, praying to all the gods out there that it's not what he thinks it is.

[Him: Fine. Let’s meet at the nearest cafe, don’t you dare do something]

[Unknown: Yay! Can’t wait to see you, good night <3]

Retreating for the night he passed by your bedroom, only to see you asleep on your desks with some unfinished homework and he smiled, you’ve always looked beautiful even when you’re sleeping. He chuckled by himself at how adorable you are, with your habit of not locking your door when you're busy.

Waiting at the said cafe felt like eons for Hoseok. He's mostly nervous because of the texts, especially that image. Getting absorbed in his thoughts he didn't realize the pair of arms that’s latching on his shoulders from behind and he jerked in surprise.

"Hobi! Did you miss me?" a high-pitched voice startled him and looked up sideways to see a pretty girl with an innocent looking face, ironically."Don’t call me that" he released a defeated sigh, yanking his arms from her hold.

Ahn Sohye, the girl who’s been going after him since the start of the school year that he has been desperately avoiding. Hoseok's bracing himself to whatever craziness she has in for him this time, doing his best to focus in order to get the clarification he’s been wanting.

“Awee why that face? And what? Cause Y/N’s the only one allowed to call you that?” Sohye scoffed, a tone of jealousy in her voice. Hoseok just frowned at her and was about to leave but her expression quickly changed, a sly smile towards him with warning eyes.

“Look!” her demeanour suddenly changed as she eagerly handed him a printed picture, and time stopped immediately.

An ultrasound picture.

No.

no,no,no,no.

“What the fuck is this?” he hissed at her, incredulous eyes now mixed with anger.

“Our little one of course” she squealed excitedly, batting her lashes at him.

“Stop fucking around with me Sohye, this isn’t funny anymore” Hoseok’s usually calm but his patience have been tested for weeks already and it’s getting worse but this one is beyond anything the girl has done before.

“Why are you so concerned anyways?” Hoseok gave her a look and she smiled mischievously. He went silent, eyes skeptical.

“Ah, her.” she quipped, a smile not faltering and that made Hoseok uneasy.

He’s having a hard time adjusting to everything. Is he really going to be a dad? Not that he hates kids but why does it have to be now? After you confessed? Everything’s been going well for him, for you both.

“This is the last straw Sohye, don’t you dare” Hoseok grits his teeth. You can’t find out about this. You just can’t. The memory of your saddened expression because of his lack of response suddenly flashed through his eyes. He doesn't wanna let you down any more than you already are.

“Why not? Won’t she support you? You guys are best friends after all” she mused. Yes, both you and Hoseok have been since you were little, but something definitely shifted from the platonic feelings he had for you after that night. He still wants to wait it out to be sure, but it’s definitely more than how normal friends would feel and apparently you are already feeling it way longer than him and he didn’t even ask when so now he feels way worse than before.

“You don’t understand, we-” Hoseok paused. He doesn’t want her to know, though there’s no point since Sohye seems to be getting the message already. He just didn’t want to show any signs that will confirm her suspicions.

“It’s not mine. No way in hell that’s mine” Hoseok’s rambling to himself in distress, he doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince other than himself.

“Of course it’s yours, that party remember? 2 months ago?” she cooed at him. His eyebrows are creasing together trying to rack his memory of what party Sohye is talking about.

“I don’t think you would remember any of it, you were very drunk” she giggled and that caused Hoseok to pale. That one party was hosted by one of Taehyung’s friends where he got so drunk that he didn’t remember anything the next day.

“No, that’s impossible. Taehyung told me I didn’t do anything rash that night”. Hoseok’s fidgeting right now. He’s usually careful, but that night his tolerance seems to get the best of him. Then he started remembering bits of pieces back...

“Hey, you’re the one who dragged me to the bed you know” she smirked, winking at him.“Why the fuck would I want you in bed with me?” he noticed his voice getting louder, as he was looking around the cafe people are already giving weird looks at their table.

“Here, watch” her smile, still annoyingly on like all of what she’s been planning this whole time has finally come to fruition.

A video. A fucking video taken by Sohye herself, but camera was on Hoseok only for the entire time. Of him calling her your name. Of him babbling about what he feels when you’re around. Of him letting all his emotions out in the open. He thought she was you, he was only seeing you when he’s drunk.

He’s speechless. He can’t think of what to respond to that one now. Sure the pictures can easily be dismissed but this video, this damn video is making him more helpless than he’s ever been already.

“So you see Hoseok, you can’t run away from me now” still frozen in his place he didn’t even swat her hand that she put them on top of him.

Meanwhile, you were just outside the cafe witnessing all of these happening. It’s not like you followed him here, you just happened to pass by since you’re going for groceries which is on the next block.

You know your best friend from the back of your hand. You can recognize him anywhere since you both have been inseparable ever since. So when you noticed his figure inside the cafe with someone, your heart clenched.

“Is he on a date?” you murmured to yourself. Is he? But why? You just confessed last night didn’t you? Is that why he didn’t give you an answer? Cause he’s already seeing someone and just didn’t want to hurt you? You recoil at the thought of him subtly rejecting you.

Hoseok couldn’t help but look sideways through the glass wall beside him to calm down and noticed someone standing there, looking straight at him.

He instantly jerked when he recognized it’s you.

You. Standing there, facing him and Sohye but now hurriedly leaving. He yanked his hands from her hold and immediately busted out through the door, hoping to catch you.

You don’t know why you started walking faster the moment he looked back at you from inside the cafe. Why the fuck were you even so obvious? He must think you’ve been spying on him or something.

“Y/N!” his voice is so loud calling you, but agitated. Hoseok doesn’t know why he suddenly has an urge to explain to you. To explain that what you saw was nothing to worry about.

You were fiddling your phone, pretending to look for something online when you felt his hand on your shoulder. Composing yourself, you faced him with a “surprise” look.

“Hobi, hi! I was going to get some groceries, do you want something specific?” you’ve put up a great acting which made Hoseok wonder if he was only imagining what he saw earlier.

“Uh, just buy my usual favorites hehe” his voice full of uncertainty. So he did really see you earlier lurking at him and his date. And Hoseok being Hoseok, didn’t confront you about it.

“Hobi! Wait for me” a woman’s voice suddenly interrupted you both and Hoseok paled as soon as he saw Sohye walking towards you both.

Please not now, please not yet-

“Oh you’re with someone” you’re trying to keep your voice neutral despite wanting to scream in frustration at the moment. You’re not gonna cry, you were never a crier anyways. No fucking way you’ll cry in front of Hoseok and his date.

You feel betrayed, even if Hoseok doesn’t owe you anything. It’s not like he answered you, did he? So he can do anything he wants to do, go on dates even if you already told him how you feel.

“Y-Y/N, it’s-” before Hoseok could explain the girl already gave out her hand to shake yours.

“It’s Sohye, Hoseok’s girlfriend”. She smiled at you, a knowing one. You know her of course, she’s the majority of Hoseok’s daily complaints to you since the beginning of the semester last year so now you’re really wondering how they are together now.

You stiffened. Your expression must be wavering since Hoseok tried to reach for you but she's already clinging into his arms to stop him.

You can’t crumble like this, you already looked pathetic from confessing to someone who’s already taken. But then it’s not like you know right? Hoseok would’ve told you the moment you confessed but he didn’t so maybe they JUST got together earlier inside?

“Uh Hi! Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N” you’re trying your best to show your most kindest smile even though they came out strained since you’re already dying inside.“Oh I know, Hobi told me a lot of things about you” she smiled at you, a feign one you see.

“Y/N-” you decided to cut him off, clearly you’ve interrupted something very important for them.

“I’m sorry I really have to go now, see you at home later Hoseok” you didn’t even look at his eyes and just turned away without letting him respond.

Hoseok’s distressed. He just hurt you again, and your expression earlier was even worse than the last time he saw you with it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He’s a fucking coward and he knows it. He’s too nice to the point that his indecisiveness is causing the most important person of his life in pain.

“Why did you tell her that you’re my girlfriend when you’re clearly not? He barked but Sohye just laughed at him mockingly.

“Are you kidding me? You’re the father of my child so obviously you’re my boyfriend now” she retorted and Hoseok scoffed. “I’m not your fucking boyfriend and you better clarify it with Y/N”. He’s on edge right now, he knows what you’re feeling and he knows for sure that you’re mad at him.

“Anyways, I’ll update you later bye” and she kissed him on the cheek.

The thing is, you saw everything though. After turning around when you’re supposed to be going to the convenience store, you hid at the corner of the street. To watch them, to torture yourself even more.And when you saw Sohye left a kiss on his cheek while he’s still lost in thought, you finally left.

Arriving at the convenience store, you pulled your hoodie up trying to cover your face as much as you can. Don’t want any strangers looking at you weirdly while shopping with tears. After grabbing necessities, you proceeded to the meat section to get pork slices since Hoseok loves bulgogi. Your tears started to fall through after staring at the couple of sliced pork packs that reminded you of when you and him were having a picnic at the park.

You remember Hoseok doing the barbecues and you just stared at him the whole time, until this day you still wonder if he knew about you ogling him before. Staring at him while he’s cooking made you realize how in love you are with this boy. Not because of his handsome face but because of how he is naturally him. How his smile always brightens you up. How his sweet and caring nature made it really hard for you to quell what you feel for him anymore.

After Sohye left, Hoseok immediately went to the convenience store and saw you at the cash register, ready to pay. He cuts you off before you give out your card, “Here, I’ll pay” with a crooked heart shaped smile directly at you. Though you noticed the simmering guilt in his eyes.

“No Hobi, you paid last time so just let me” your voice came out colder than you intended it to be that made Hoseok more guilty.

The cashier was looking at you both and snickered “So who’s going to pay? I’m all for equality and shit but just decide. You young couples are always complicated” she groaned.

Both you and Hoseok are stunned with the lady’s insinuation, well obviously you can’t believe you were still blushing so you're thankful that your face is semi-covered.

“Uh-” you were about to explain that you’re not a couple but Hoseok cut you out of it. “Me, I’m paying” he smiled at her and she offered a satisfied shrug, murmuring something about how “gentleman” Hoseok is. Why didn’t he correct her?

Hoseok offered to carry all the bags but you insisted. He must be really feeling pity for you right now. After leaving the convenience store, you both were quiet. Way different than before where you both usually banter and throw jokes at each other when walking to home.

This awkwardness needs to end.

“So, is that why you couldn’t answer me before?” you turned to him, trying to sound bold. You just want to know the truth, since he already lied to you.

“Uh no, actually-” cutting him off of his explanation you scoffed. Listen to his explanation Y/N just listen..

“You should’ve been honest with me you know, is it really hard for you?” your voice came out weaker. Since when did you both start keeping secrets to each other? Sure you do harmless small lies but not as big as this.

“Yes, I was and Sohye isn’t my girlfriend” his voice rising with panic. Hoseok’s feeling it again, the need to clarify things to you. Maybe because he now knows what you feel? Or maybe because he just doesn't want to hurt you even more.

“You didn’t have to lie, I saw you both at the cafe clearly on a date” you stated coldly.

“That wasn’t it, you’re misinterpreting everything” his voice went quieter, now pleading.

“It’s alright Hoseok, can we drop the subject now” you glared at him and walked faster towards your shared home.

Hoseok just sighed defeatedly, deciding to give you space since your mind is really closed for any explanation.

You wonder who’s going to “cook” since you can’t cook for shit but Hoseok’s pretty good though he’s very humble about it. Now that you both are in tension with each other, you were about to offer to buy take out when he beats you out of it again.

“I’ll cook, just let me Y/N” mimicking what you said earlier to him. Entering your bedroom, you gave out a big exhale to calm down and rationalize everything.

You’re being irrational and immature about the whole situation and it’s not fair for Hoseok. The smell of bulgogi made you come out of your room to the kitchen where he was preparing early dinner for you both.

A surprised gasp came out of your mouth the moment you saw how the dining table was arranged to like that of a formal date. With the fine plates and cutleries that you even forgot where you put, the mini candle light that you gifted him from last Christmas and the vase of daisies, your favourite.

“Hobi-” you started but he put his hands up to a stop.

“No, let me explain everything please” his usually warm and happy eyes look up at you sadly.

“Okay..”

“First of all, I’m sorry okay? I know you’re hurting already but please believe me when I tell you that me and Sohye are never together. She’s not my girlfriend and I didn’t lie in any means that night.” he’s fidgeting now because of nervousness.

“Hobi, I should be the one saying sorry to you for acting like that. You didn’t deserve it” you told him, voice lacing with emotion. You really grow weak when it comes to him.

Hoseok smiled with relief at you, you never show this emotional side to other people except him. He opened his arms wide and you didn’t hesitate to accept his embrace.

You stayed like that for a while, you being way calmer now because of his embrace and him running his hands through your hair while swaying you both slowly. As if doing this wouldn’t make you forgive him or something.

“Come, let’s eat. It's getting cold and oh, I cooked your favourite. I’m also making up for the dinner I missed last time” his usual sunny demeanour is back though an apologetic smile appeared on his heart-shaped lips.

“Thank you Hobi though this is too much for an apology, I can never hate you for so long” you chuckled, playfully hitting his arms.

After your make-up dinner, the atmosphere of your shared house went back to normal and you both decided to end the night with a movie.

Cuddling with him has always been your favorite. You just love skinship in general but you would never let anyone know that. You’re only like this to Hoseok anyways.

You both are debating again about the movie when you can feel the vibrations from his phone inside his pocket.

Hoseok grimaced the moment he looked at the name appearing on his phone. He looked at you but you didn’t seem to notice his reaction.

You did. Of course you did, it’s Sohye. His reaction gave it away but you pretended to be still immersed in the movie.

“Uh, I need to take this. Be right back hehe” he ruffled your hair with a strained smile and left to go outside. Props to him for being considerate, he’s trying to protect your already broken heart.

“What” he barked on the phone as soon as he answered Sohye’s call.

“Don’t snap at me Hoseok, did you tell her? She’s pretty down” she mused with fake sympathy on her voice.

“Is that really the only reason why you’re calling me?” Hoseok’s annoyed. This night was supposed to be a make-up night for you both and now she’s ruining it.

"No of course not, my parents want to meet you". Hoseok's blood ran cold. Sohye's parents..does this mean?

"Hey, are you even listening?!" Sohye screeched on the phone which made Hoseok put the phone away from his ears.

"Yeah I am, what the fuck do you mean meet your parents? No way" he responded with disbelief. He couldn't even wrap his head in the fact that he got someone pregnant accidentally when he was drunk and now he's already going to meet Sohye's parents?

"You will, I told them what happened and they want to meet the father of their soon to be grandchild. End of discussion" she stated coldly.

"Sohye-" before he can even try to plead to move things slow, the line went dead already.

An exhausted sigh came out of him with the new problem he's going to face from now on. Fuck.

Looking back at the house, he saw you at the doorway looking worriedly at him so he smiled to ease you.

Something's wrong. What's happening with him and Sohye? You didn't hear anything but you saw Hoseok's reaction to whoever he's calling.

You stopped him before he could continue.

"Is everything alright? you're trying to ease the obvious distress on his face but as usual he just shrugged.

"Yeah, don't worry it wasn't Sohye" his response seems flat and he couldn't look at your eyes so you're already suspecting that he's lying.

You pretended you didn't notice his lies and smiled back at him saying good night and retreats to your room.

You definitely noticed the changes in him after that night. He looks defeated and troubled every time you see him. Is this your fault? Did your confession cause all of this? But he would’ve told you differently, no?

It’s a miracle you’re catching him eating breakfast in the kitchen since had been avoiding you. “Hey Hobi you alright?” that seemed to shake him out of his thoughts.

“Y/N, hey you scared me” he chuckled awkwardly.

“Hobi what’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything right? I won’t judge”. He looks at you thoughtfully though you can't quite figure out what his eyes are telling you.

“I’m fine Y/N, just busy these days. You know how serious Yoongi is in this songwriting club that we just started” disappointment crossed your features at his dismissal of your concern. Maybe he just needs space, but it’s not like you’ve been clinging to him more than usual after your confession. Everything’s normal, even better, at least for you.

Hoseok flinched when he saw your disheartened face. He’s been trying to act like nothing’s going on even though he’s been frustrated on what to do next. He’s literally helpless. He needs to let this out to Namjoon since he knows he’s rational and would know what to do in any kind of situation.

“Oh okay, just tell me when you’re ready hmm?” you hoped that sounded less disappointed of him not opening to you. He didn’t even look at you when you hollered to say goodbye for class.

He couldn't look at you since he's afraid he'll slip up. He has to settle himself first before telling you. He wouldn't want to cause you any more pain so he needs to be prepared.

One morning, you woke up with the silent house. Maybe Hoseok went for an early jog so you helped yourself in the kitchen where you saw the breakfast that he already prepared.

“Had to leave early, here's your breakfast! :)” - Hobi <3

Ugh, why are you still not used to him being sweet when he was always like this? Okay maybe things just magnified once you realized your feelings for him.

You wonder where he went though. Sohye? Nah, you don't think so.You both just went back to normal so you're not going to be the reason to put you both in that awkward situation again.

You dismissed your thoughts and decided to do full house cleaning since it's the weekend. And hey, you kinda miss cleaning so-

The doorbell rang and you dropped your cleaning supplies to check. That's strange, you didn't order anything so it must be Hoseok's.

He's nervous. Scratch that, he's fucking terrified of meeting Sohye's parents. Not only that, he lied to you again. This one just an addition to the rising amount of lies he now seems easily to do to his best friend.

"Just relax, they're gonna love you" Sohye's trying to calm him down by caressing his arms but he pulled away.

"Are you sure that's even mine? How do I fucking know for sure?" he hissed and Sohye whined.

"Would I fucking involve my parents if this isn't serious? You didn't know the shit I went through after they found out" her voice came out meekly which surprised him.

Hoseok paused. He's been too absorbed of what's happening to him to the point that he didn't even think of what Sohye is feeling for all of this.

Sure she annoyed the fuck outta him but if this baby she's carrying is actually his, then Sohye's going to be one of his responsibilities too.

"What? I- I thought they were supportive Sohye" his voice is calm compared to the usual harshness and this startled her.

"We're still in university, this pregnancy will delay my graduation so duh" she tried to be dismissive about it but Hoseok can see the subtle troubled look in her eyes.

When they reached the Ahn residence, Hoseok's heartbeat seemed to multiply even more. Sohye intertwined their hands and he didn't bother stopping her because he couldn't really think of anything right now.

Sohye’s parents welcomed them both and guided them to the living room where they’ll discuss the “future”. Hoseok couldn’t help but feel that he needs to make a good impression to Sohye’s parents otherwise.

“Hello, Mr and Mrs. Ahn I’m Jung Hoseok” Hoseok bowed and smiled though he still can’t meet their eyes with his own.

“Oh you’re so polite and warmingly charming” Mrs. Ahn mused with an endearing voice.

“So you are the one who knocked up my daughter” Mr. Ahn spat, eyes now glaring at Hoseok and he played with the scrutinizing eyes.

“Dad, can you please not scare him?” Sohye shrieked, shielding Hoseok from her father.

“She’s right sweetie, calm down hmm? Hoseok’s seem to be a good boy” Hoseok is kind of relieved that at least Mrs. Ahn is nicer to him than the latter.

“So when’s the wedding date?”

Everyone went silent as soon as Mr. Ahn dropped the million dollar question.

Mrs. Ahn looked intently at the both of them while She's giving expectant looks to Hoseok who can’t seem to remove his gaze from the floor.

Finally after a long inhale of breath, Hoseok raised his eyes to face Mr. Ahn .

“With all due respect,”

“You ARE marrying my daughter am I correct?” Mr. Ahn cutting him off made him falter but he has to man up now. This isn’t something he can run away from anymore.

“Dad, me and Hobi still wanted to graduate,” Sohye stated.

“But you both will have a child soon so it’s better to get married now before your graduation” Mrs. Ahn added, her demeanour now getting serious.

Hoseok’s panicking right now but he doesn’t care anymore if it looked obvious as he was trying to find alternative ways to escape this route, surely there has to be other than marriage.

This will ruin everything that he's planned for himself and well, you. The thought of you made Hoseok winced.

You who he's already hurting

You who loves him for as long you could remember

You who do not know about any of this

You who is-

"Hoseok!" hands tugging his arms made him come back to reality where Sohye's been trying to get his attention.

"Huh?"

"What's your answer going to be? Mr. Ahn and Hoseok gulped.

"I-um I'll marry her" his voice came out stable which surprised him. Is he really gonna be doing this? Get married? He's not even ready but how about Sohye?

The thought of Sohye keeping their child from him if he ever refuses made him convinced himself that he's doing the right thing.

"Really? Omg that's great!" Sohye squealed along with her mother sharing the happiness with Hoseok's decision while Mr. Ahn was looking at Hoseok with knowing eyes.

"Come along" Sohye's father gestured him to their mansion's garden and now the nervousness is back on Hoseok's veins.

"Sir-"

"You don't love my daughter, I know.I can see it, I'm not blind kid"

Hoseok gasped lightly. Well he shouldn't be surprised since his expressions have always been obvious. Dammit why can't he be better in acting?

"I-yes you're right" he's been trying to calm down but he couldn't stop his legs from fidgeting.

"But you're marrying my daughter regardless" Mr. Ahn wondered.

"It's the right thing to do" he responded firmly which surprised the older man.

Silence ruled the both of them until Mrs. Ahn called in for lunch.

You opened your door to a mailman delivering what seems to be baby supplies. Huh?

"Uhm sorry, did you get the wrong address? the mailman stared back at you warily before showing you the receipt that displays Hoseok’s name.

“This is Mr. Jung Hoseok’s residence is it not?” you were caught off guard to the sassiness of the mailman so you grabbed the boxes he was holding.

“Yes, thank you” you offered an embarrassing smile.

“You’re welcome and congrats by the way” he replied while eyeing the boxes and immediately left.

You stood there for a while trying to process what the mailman just said. He thought you’re Hoseok’s wife or something? He thought you’re pregnant? Wait.

Baby supplies. Why would Hoseok need baby supplies?

And then it struck you,

Sohye.

Your heart shattered with the revelation that you almost dropped the boxes. Why? Why would Hoseok lie to you again? You both just made up and now this?

He confuses tf out of you. He says he doesn’t wanna hurt you but here he is, hurting you even more each day.

Fuck, you feel pathetic. Bet your homegirls back in uni’s gonna laugh at how much you’ve become weak just because of a boy.

But he’s not just some boy,

He’s your best friend,

And the love of your life

But lately with the lies and secrets, you’re not even sure if you know him anymore.

The lunch with the Ahn family consisted of talking about the wedding plans, all seems to be a blur to Hoseok as he just keeps nodding to whatever they say to him.

“Hobi, honey, when do you think is the perfect date?” Sohye grasps his arm which makes him turn to her and he’s trying not to barf with the endearment she just called him because her parents are around.

“Uh-idk I have to talk to my folks first” he replied nervously which made both Sohye’s parents focus on him.

Fuck.

“Yeah he didn’t know about it so take it easy” Sohye whined at her parents.

“And besides, I’m not even sure if that baby is mine” he added. The sudden accusatory remark towards Sohye changed the atmosphere, cold all of the sudden and Hoseok immediately regretted the words that came out from him.

Where in the fucking world did he even get the confidence to say out loud what’s been bugging him in this situation.

“What did you just say?” Mr. Ahn growled, actually now getting angry. Sohye went rigid beside Hoseok and speechless and Mrs. Ahn let out a surprised gasp.

Shit, it’s now or never.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t trust anything that comes from your daughter, seeing as how she’s been chasing and threatening me since the beginning of the school year” he stated, voice hard while glaring at Sohye knowingly.

“How dare you insult us in our own home?” Mrs. Ahn yelled at him. Hoseok’s confidence faltered, vanishing but he stood on his ground.

“I’m serious, I won’t marry her until I know for sure if it’s mine” Hoseok’s proud that his voice came out stable.

“Sohye, why don’t you guide Hoseok out” Mr.Ahn stated calmly which made Hoseok nervous again, the old man must have felt betrayed given how Hoseok suddenly changed his mind after their talk earlier.

The table was silent until Sohye stood up wordlessly and grabbed Hoseok towards the outside of their mansion.

Before they could even reach the gate, a sudden hand landed on Hoseok’s left cheek.

“Fuck you Hoseok” Sohye grits her teeth, eyes with fury while looking at him intently.

No lie, that slap hurts but Hoseok didn’t even care because his eyes were on the gate.

On you.

And you’re in rage now that you witnessed what just happened and Hoseok knows how protective you are of him.

The lack of response caused Sohye followed his gaze, now on you and she laughs, hysterically.

You were already walking towards them with that furious expression, the one that actually scares Hoseok.

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TO SLAP HIM YOU BITCH” you screamed with fury the moment you reach the both of them and was about to grab Sohye but Hoseok stopped you just in time.

“Y/N stop!” Hoseok’s trying to stop your arms that are reaching Sohye who’s still laughing, clearly amused by your outburst. She wonders if you already know but judging by Hoseok’s anxious eyes looking back at her, she knew it was the latter.

Well, what a perfect time.

“Oh Y/N, what are you doing here? I don’t remember inviting you” Sohye smiled at you mockingly, obviously trying to get into your skin and you’re falling for it.

“Cut the crap you bitch, how dare you-” you were about to attack again and actually almost succeeded because you actually caught her arm when-

“She’s pregnant Y/N stop!” Hoseok shouted which made you froze from flailing your arms around and you jerked in shock.

The devastated expression that emerged from your beautiful face made Hoseok’s heart lurched. He didn’t have the intention of telling you this way, this wasn’t supposed to happen.

“W-What?” your mind went blank. You came here expecting an explanation from Hoseok about the baby supplies package you received earlier. Why is he so goddamn good at hurting his best friend? No this is a joke, this has to be.

“Yes, Y/N I am pregnant and Hoseok’s the father” Sohye squealed, looking at you with those triumphant eyes with a slick smile. Wait, does she know of your feelings?

You averted your eyes to Hoseok now that the truth is out. You were hoping for a different reaction but the moment his eyes met yours, they’re full of shame. Fuck, it really hurts coming from him.

The realization finally crept into your mind with everything that's been happening to Hoseok ever since the night of your confession.

Sohye, avoiding you, going somewhere without telling you..it all makes sense now. But what's not making sense is how he kept lying to you all this time.

"Y-YN-" Hoseok is like a deer caught in headlights, guilty eyes that are now morphing into full of panic. He knows you, does he really though? He doesn't even know himself anymore.

You're usually composed, especially with other people around. You're that kind of person who remains calm even in rough commotions. But it's totally different when it involves the man you cherish and love..

And before you could reply, a middle aged couple emerged behind Hoseok who reminded you of Sohye and remembered that you're in their premises, the Ahn residence.

"What is going on here?" Mrs.Ahn eyed the three of you suspiciously, primarily staring at you. Ah, the stranger.

"Nothing Mom, this is Y/N, Hoseok's best friend" Sohye smiled sarcastically to you with those knowing eyes, challenging you to continue.

Embarrassment filled you once you came back to reality and snatched your arms from Hoseok's grasp. Breathing deeply, you tried to compose yourself before looking up at both of Sohye's parents.

"Really? I thought she IS his girlfriend given the fact that he had refused to marry you" Mr.Ahn stated coldly, still eyes on Y/N.

Hoseok turned around to face Sohye's parents, thinking of putting his arm around you but hesitated.

He knows you're mad at him so he opted to move slowly in front of you, trying to protect you from the scrutinizing eyes of Sohye's parents. Noticing this you raised your chin and looked directly into Mr. Ahn's eyes.

"No, I'm not his girlfriend but he's one of the most important people in my life as I am to him so whatever situation you've put him through, I need to know" you seethed, eyes full of determination though the phrase "not his girlfriend" almost distracted you.

You're surprised your voice came out confident despite the nervousness that might be etched now on your face.

"Well young lady, we were just talking with your friend about wedding preparations but seems like he's changing his mind" Mrs. Ahn glared at Hoseok.

"I already told you that I have to talk to my family first and figure out what really happened that night. I'll update you as soon as I can, I swear" he hurriedly explained, nervously looking back at you to gauge your reactions.

"Alright then, we hope to hear from you soon". Mr. Ahn replied coldly, his eyes landing on Y/N and that made Hoseok uneasy.

Sohye's parents went back inside and you stepped back from behind Hoseok with a stoic expression, in no way you'll show Sohye how affected despite of your suspicion that she knows already.

"Brave of you to come here Y/N, but props you both are fun to watch" she chuckled and you didn’t want to give her the satisfaction so you fought yourself, bitch.

"I'm just fetching Hoseok and since I think everything's done here, we're leaving" you turned around, not waiting for any response from the both of them. You felt hurried steps behind you,trying to catch up but you didn't bother.

Inside the car, the silent tension that surrounds the both of you is deafening. Hoseok nibbled his lips anxiously, feeling your anger from the revelation earlier. It's his fault so he has to settle this down before arriving home.

"Y/N I'm sor–"

"You lied to me, again" you cut him off with a blank expression, tone contemptuous.

"I know but–"

"We promised each other after that night that there would be no lies anymore" you bristled.

"I didn't wanna hurt you more than I already am okay?!" he blurted out, eyes turning glassy. Hoseok's trying to take a deep breath to stop himself from tearing up.

You sneered and didn't bother to respond,the nerve of him to be upset in this situation.

"I'll sleep at Namjoon's" he mumbled meekly and you quickly dropped him at his friend’s house.

“Good night Y/N” he inhaled sharply when you didn’t respond or even looked back at him. “I’m sorry” he mumbled, exiting the car with a gloomy expression.

You waited on your seat for a while, trying to hold in every emotion that has been building until he was further away. Hands turning white as you grip the steering wheel, you took a deep breath and started bawling your eyes out in pain.

In excruciating pain. What’s going to happen between you and Hoseok now? All your hopes of a future together are now shattered. It was going so well, you confessed and he gave you a chance and now this.

To Namjoon’s surprise, it was a miserable Hoseok who’s standing in front of his dorm room instead of the japchae delivery he’s been expecting. He didn’t ask for more and stepped aside to let his friend in.

“Alright man what happened?” Namjoon asked worriedly and Hoseok’s tears welled up in his before exhaling deeply.

“She knows Joon” Hoseok whispered, trying to stop his tears and Namjoon sat down on the couch urging his friend to continue.

“Everything happened so fast..Y/N was going after Sohye after she saw her slap me so I had to admit the truth right there” he felt his throat closing up when he recalled your crushed reaction earlier. How he wishes he could’ve told you in a different situation.

"She'll find out eventually though" another voice replied, and Hoseok turned his head back to see another person coming in the living room. Immediately recognizing Namjoon's roommate he walked up to him and hissed,

"You told me nothing happened that night!" he yelled and poor Taehyung grabbed Hoseok's arm that's on his collar in an attempt to calm him down.

Namjoon immediately stood up in panic and rushed towards both boys, struggling to get Hoseok off from Taehyung.

"Hobi, hey, calm down" Namjoon spoke calmly and Hoseok let go of Taehyung instantly.

"Hyung, I'm sorry I swear the only time I saw you was when we were drinking and the morning after. Jungkook told me you left with someone so I thought that was Y/N coming to pick you up" the younger man reasoned with fear, knowing how Hoseok gets when he's absolutely angry.

"Well it wasn't, it was Ahn Sohye and we slept together apparently" he answered slowly, more calmer now. What's the point of blaming other people when it already happened, it's going to change anything.

Only Namjoon knew at the beginning as soon as Hoseok heard the news and told him immediately, asking for help. Meanwhile the rest of his friend group didn't know about it until, well starting now.

"Stay for the night, you're always welcome here anyways" Namjoon patted Hoseok's shoulders softly and grabbed Taehyung to set up for dinner, which just arrived when they heard a knock from the door.

"Thanks Joon, and sorry for my outburst earlier Tae" he shuffled the younger's hair affectionately.

Hoseok wasn't there in the morning and a few mornings after that. You debated to ask his sister if she knew about this whole thing or what. She could've known and just didn't want to tell you to spare your feelings but you didn't care.

Calling Jiwoo 언니..

"Hello? Y/N?" she answered cautiously. Ah, always obvious just like her little brother.

"So you knew" you muttered passively. How could she? You both are like sisters from different mothers.

"Don't be mad please, I just found out too!" voice laced with alarm.

When you didn't reply she then proceeded to explain to you that Hoseok did go to his family to tell them the entirety of the situation. Why didn't he text you to meet there? Despite what happened, you would've been by his side, supporting him because that's what best friends do.

But then you remember last night and suddenly your anger resurfaced and you ended the call immediately, getting ready to leave only to be greeted by Seokjin at the door.

"Good morning" he smiled at you, filled with compassion.

"They sent you didn't they?" you snarled, frowning at his handsome face as you stepped aside to let him in.

"Hoseok actually since you know, you can't cook. He just wants to make sure you get a proper breakfast" he mused, rummaging the kitchen for ingredients.

"How sweet of him" you replied sarcastically, taking a seat at the kitchen counter with both hands on your face to cover your expression from Jin.

"Hey give him a break, all this is not easy for him too" he stated solemnly, giving you a serious look, placing the waffles and omelet that he just cooked.

You glared at him and started eating silently. Seeing him sit in front of you, you know he's looking at you closely deciphering your current emotions.

"I'm fine" you stated as you looked up at him and though his eyes widened at your lack of sadness, his eyes are still skeptical.

"No, you're not. We heard what happened" he answered with caution. You almost faltered but you remained composed, acting dismissive as usual.

"I AM fine, drop it Seokjin" you jeered. Seokjin wanted a reaction from you so there you have it, only anger though. He texted the rest that you seem to be alright and that they'll meet with others soon.

"Hurry, we're going somewhere" he quickly cleaned up the table and gestured to you to follow him outside. You grumbled but agreed anyways.

"If you're bringing me to Hoseok don't bother" you glanced at him blankly before looking outside the car window, obviously you don't want to seek him out unless he needs something from you.

"No you'll help us prepare, the boys want your opinion" Jin explained calmly, still wary of your mood.

You didn't answer him and just scoffed so he took it as a yes. You don't want any confrontation from the rest of Hoseok's friends but you can't really escape them so might as well.

Tonight, you saw the lights are on as you're walking into the driveway.

He's home, and you're nervous on how to approach him.

“I’ll be your maid of honour” you whispered. Hoseok looked up at you, eyes surprised at your sudden conviction.

“W-What? B-but Y/N..” he tried reaching on your arm but you stepped back and that made him pause. Hoseok should feel happy that you’re going to his wedding but he can’t help but feel wrong.

“My decision’s final, I don’t care but don’t try to stop me. I already confirmed with your sister” you stated coldly, still not looking into his eyes.

"I don't like hurting you, Y/N please. You don't have to attend the wedding, it's fine with me" his voice pleading, still trying to convince you despite your final decision earlier.

See? How can you not love him? Even in rough times like this, he is still considerate of your feelings.

You sighed, “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m your best friend and this is an important part of your life so I should be there” you stated, finally looking back into his eyes.

You're not gonna cry

You're not

You're getting tired of it..

Focusing on other thoughts to stop yourself from crying you didn't notice Hoseok approaching you slowly. When his hands cupped your face, it broke out your reverie.

"Y/N, I-"

You already have a feeling of what he's going to say the moment you met his eyes earlier, they've always been so expressive.

"Don't. Not now Hoseok, not anymore" you looked at his eyes that mirror with your sadness. He inhaled sharply, eyes changing with determination.

"No, Y/N" the way he says your name with a smile is making you nervous and before you could muster a response, a pair of soft lips touched yours and you immediately closed your eyes.

Is this finally happening? Hoseok kissing you? You only hoped about this before but you didn't think it's finally happening. He feels the same now right?

"Hoseok.." you croaked breathlessly after you released each other. He didn't release his hold on your face in which you're leaning, hoping that this is not only your imagination.

"Let me show you.. please.." his eyes begged. Not gonna lie, you've been waiting for this moment to happen but you both see it in a different way.

Him, showing gratitude while you..

While you're taking advantage of him for your own selfish reasons.

Bringing your hands up on top of his face, you smiled back at him and nodded.

He’s giving you a chance, though this seems like charity even but you don’t care anymore.

So you did.

Hoseok woke up the next day feeling relieved but mostly happy to have finally shown you his feelings, though he’s not sure if you heard his declaration last night. Expecting your presence beside him he turned around and reached out, only to find an empty space.

Suddenly sitting up in dread, he looked around trying to find you. Getting up and hastily putting on his clothes, he went outside directly to the kitchen but you are nowhere to be found. His chest tightened at the thought of you leaving him after what happened last night.

Was he too forward? But you gladly accepted him. Was that an act? D-did you already fall out of love from him?

Before he could continue his thoughts, his phone dinged beside him at the counter. Though he’s expecting Sohye, the text surprisingly came from his sister.

[지우 Noona: Y/N’s and I are in the boutique right now, where are you?]

[Hobi: jwu why? am I needed somewhere?]

[지우 Noona: Go meet with the wedding planner with Sohye in an hour]

He was gonna ask about you but hesitated. Why didn't you text him or leave a note? You just acted like nothing happened and that made Hoseok concerned.

Damn. When you said you'll help with the wedding preparations, you didn't expect to be leading the way. Apparently, that's Hoseok's request according to the wedding planner.

You've been giving your all into this, most likely because you want to distract yourself from what happened that night and what will happen in the wedding. You keep thinking of why Hoseok would want you when clearly, he doesn't feel anything for you.

Or does he?

You weren't sure if you were just imagining him saying "I love Y/N" when his arms were holding you tight after your rendezvous the night before. It must be your subconscious trying to fulfill your innermost desire, for your best friend to love you back.

"Hey, Y/N you alright? You look a little worned out" Jiwoo looked at you worriedly, running her eyes around your face.

Yeah your brother drained tf out of me..

"WHAT?!!" you jerked with her shrieking and then you realized you said that thought out loud and your face flushed with shame.

Fuck.

"Uh-" now you can't look at her eyes, cheeks going red with what you just told her.

fuckfuckfuck

"Omgggg, now I get why" she happily mused that made you raise your eyebrows back at her.

"Wtf why?" you shifted uncomfortably, never before you've been this aloof to Hoseok's sister until now.

"I texted him earlier but he said he's still at home at this time which surprised me" she teased, wiggling her eyebrows at you.

"He's about to get married, you know" you smiled bitterly, gaze focusing on the white wedding dress on display. Would've been lovely if you're the one who's getting married to Hoseok.

"And? It's not like he and Sohye are in a relationship" she huffed. Jiwoo's right but somehow, that didn't change the already creeping guilt inside you.

"Whatever, that's never happening again" you scoffed but she looks at you suspiciously.

"I'm serious, I value marriage and it will be a form of cheating if that happens again after the ceremony so, no" you firmly stated, looking away. You've been planning to distance yourself after the wedding since that would be what's best for both you and Hoseok.

Jiwoo looked at you wistfully, with sympathetic eyes that you've been getting used to from the people around you the moment Hoseok and Sohye's wedding was announced.

"Y/N, I'm sorry you have to feel this way. I know how much you love him" she replied softly, laced with emotion since you're like a little sister to her, after all she was hoping you'll end up with her little brother.

"It's okay, I'm used to it" you smiled curtly, your expression changing back to neutral like it has always been.

Since you've put all your time into the wedding preparations which clearly affected your academic performance, the preparations went smoothly as you planned.

Hoseok's been trying to corner you, but you're silently thankful for the people who keep distracting him because you're clearly not ready to talk to him.

Isn't that what you've always wanted? Now why are you running away? I mean you are going to eventually but you promised you'll be there for him. Fuck it, just a little bit more..

On the night before his wedding, you've stayed in your hotel room again like what you've been doing the entire time when you know Hoseok's around. You didn't even go to the bachelorette party you were clearly invited for and he's having a stag night too.

Around 3am you were awakened by loud knocks of your hotel door and for the sake of other guests on this floor, you dragged your feet and opened the door impulsively.

Only to see a drunk Hoseok, groggily smiling at you.

"Why are you here? It's already early morning" you hissed and he just giggled in response.

"Wanna see you" he pouted and you gestured to him just in case he'll vomit which is about to happen as you see his face contorted.

"Fuck come here quick!" you're rubbing his back as he releases all remnants of his stomach into the toilet when he staggered.

"Y/N I'm sorry" his voice sounded so broken and you straightened yourself. He's not gonna remember anything in the morning anyways so what's the point.

You didn't answer him but you helped him clean up and before you can even talk to him, he's already knocked out on your bed. Should you call someone to get him? But everyone's asleep now, screw it.

You stayed beside Hoseok, staring at his sleeping face for the last time, the last time you'll be able to be this near to him since he'll be a married man tomorrow. You can't stop your tears as you run your hands through his face.

"I love you Hoseok, I love you so much that I am letting you go" you stopped yourself to cry louder in case it'll wake him up. You wrapped your arms around him, relishing a few hours of selfishness on your own end.

The morning comes and you're dreading to let go of Hoseok. He woke up with you already staring at him and you jerked.

"Here are painkillers, drink that before you go" you handed them to him but he grabbed you wrist instead, silently pleading you to look at him.

"Y/N, let's run away" he croaked. Hoseok actually heard you the night before, heard you letting go of him and it crushed everything in him, hearing your voice so broken because of him and he wants to make you feel better even though you both know how late it is already.

"What? Are you crazy? You're getting married hours from now" you yelled at him. You've never lashed out on him like this but his plan is ridiculous. You're already guilty of sleeping with him and now he wanted to elope?

"I don't care, I just–" a knock from the door made him pause and your eyes widened. Fuck fuck fuck. You and Hoseok looked at each other's eyes full of panic now.

You walked towards the door and prepared yourself for any interrogation when you were met with sleepy eyes and a smirk.

"Wtf do you want Yoongi" you seethed, you haven’t slept properly since you tried to stay awake as much as possible.

After hearing that it's only his friend, Hoseok appeared behind you, with a relief expression.

"You two looked like shit, be thankful I volunteered to get him" he snickered and you glared at him.

"Nothing happened" you answered nonchalantly but Yoongi's teasing smirk is still on so you turned back to Hoseok but then you're suddenly enveloped with a firm hug, with Hoseok's face nuzzling your neck.

"Thank you" he hummed and released you. You can tell through his eyes that he wanted to stay longer and talk to you more but you shake your head.

"Alright man let's go, they've been looking everywhere for you" Yoongi grabbed Hoseok who's still reluctant to leave.

"Go, Hoseok" you slightly push him towards Yoongi with a serious tone and just when they were about to leave, Jiwoo suddenly appeared in the corner.

“I knew it, I should’ve looked here first. Thank you Yoongi” the boy just nodded back at Jiwoo gave you the "i told you so" look, though not judgmental, you felt the need to clarify to prove your point the last time you talked.

Time of the wedding,

Time to let Hoseok go, permanently.

You are the maid of honour so you have no choice but to put on a happy face especially in front of Hoseok's parents who were constantly checking on you during preparations with apprehension.

After the bridesmaids and groomsmen have walked the aisle, it's finally your turn and it fucking sucks since you have to walk alone.

You took a deep breath before raising your chin up, and faced everyone as they looked at you walking up to the altar. However, your eyes are only on Hoseok as you imagine that it was you he's waiting for, not the actual bride behind you.

Hoseok is doing the same thing, ironically. He's imagining that it's you he is marrying, the person he truly loves but it's too late for that so he should just focus on Sohye.

He continued his daydreaming until Jungkook nudged him since the youngest best man is the closest to him than the other 6, breaking his thoughts and facing the reality that Sohye is the bride, not you.

When the officiant asked if there was someone who disagrees with the couple's union, your body wanted to stand up and tell everyone how you really feel. You felt Jiwoo's arms around your shoulders, hoping to provide the comfort that you needed but you shrugged her arms off.

You wouldn't mind usually but you're in her little brother's wedding and you've been refusing to meet Hoseok's eyes until the officiant proceeded with the next part of the ceremony. You can't look at him or else you'll crumble and there's no way you'll embarrass yourself in front of his family and yours.

Surprisingly, your parents came when you invited them. It would usually have to be Hoseok or any of his family members invite them to come though you already have a suspicion that it's not the only reason why.

“Do you Jung Hoseok, promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her and hold only unto her forever more?” this caused you to finally look back at Hoseok. He stayed silent for a few moments which made everyone chatter in whisper but as soon as his eyes found yours, he smiled, full of longing.

"I do"

You closed your eyes as tears fell from them, unable to hold his gaze anymore. It might be improper to look back on the best night of your life but you can’t help it, you just want to hear Hoseok say it again, over and over.

“I love you Y/N”

Another morning of Hoseok waking up without you in his life. Tears ran down the sides of his face when he remembered, but this one is longer and the clearest of them all.

That dream's too vivid for him to handle. He smiled bitterly as he remembered all the memories, starting from the beginning up until the shift of your friendship that severed you both.

Chuckling pathetically at himself to even have the audacity to think of you when he's the very main reason you were gone. He just misses you so much.

In your absence, he indulged himself into alcohol only because he remembers you nagging him to be mindful of his tolerance. He knows it's not good for him, but it's the only way to forget his pain of losing you.

It's not like he's being irresponsible to the point of getting piss drunk, he just drinks when he's alone because that's when the thought of you creeps back into his mind.

Getting up to face another day of wallowing, he decided to come down to the basement to do some cleaning. The mini studio, the only thing he has of you left. This is the reason why he didn't wanna sell the house in the first place.

He then went to a nearby speaker and set the song you both choreographed ages ago, another memory coming up, haunting him.

"Alright that's it, it's been a minute! Surely that's enough right?" you whined at Hoseok, heaving since you've been dancing for like hours now.

"It's less than a minute! Come on, we're just doing the extended chorus" he giggled and you rolled your eyes.

"But yeah, we don't have to do the whole song" his eyes trained on you and the folded Led Zeppelin shirt on the chair. You followed his gaze through and found him eyeing your precious shirt.

"I'm gonna wear it when we're filming this dance, it's from my grandma remember? And I'm gonna pair it with those red orange pants you gifted me on my birthday" you fondly explained to him.

Hoseok never took you for being sentimental since you always act dismissive when you receive gifts from him.

The voice of Troye Sivan echoing throughout the room brought him back to the present reality. He still feels you around the house, especially here so he went in front of the mirror and readied himself.

He looked back at his reflection in the mirror, instantly seeing you beside him with an affectionate smile. He lets himself give in to his imaginations, just this time. Starting the moves smoothly, Hoseok will always remember this choreo out of all the ones he made because it's you.

Always have been you but he was a coward for not acting on his feelings earlier. The song ended and he fell into his knees, hitting the floor while another gut-wrenching sobs escaped his mouth.

You laid out your feelings for him but he doubted himself when he clearly feels the same so now here he is.

Still in grief full of regrets..

Still wishing you'll come back to him..

Still clinging to the ghost of you..

taglist : @hobisnesseu @ggukkieland @sheprocrastinatesalot @hoebii @jeonsbun @iamscharene

It's up to you where Y/N is or what happened to her :')

And yes the dance is by Hobi and Ryujin from Highlight Reel ♡

Thank you for reading! Feedback's greatly appreciated!