#i love him dearly since he would do anything for his friends but he's honestly kind of a dick; all things considering | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chrollohearttags · 4 months

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(dash)ing through the snow • e. jaeger

synopsis: not even the holidays can give you peace from your favorite headache of a DoorDash driver but honestly, you wouldn’t want it any other way!

content + themes: fem!reader (black coded), food play, lots of fluff and humor, bits of angst, heavy kissing, thigh riding, nipple play, alcohol mentions, handjob, riding, drunk sex, sub eren (he moans a lot), calls reader mama and baby, creampie

word count: 5.7K

📝: hope everybody enjoyed their holidays, whether you’re celebrated alone, with family, friends or fur babies. Or maybe not even at all..either way, I hope y’all are taking care of yourselves for the rest of the year. 🫶🏾🤍 this IS coming a day late cause mama’s got chronic pain + illness and when it hits, it’s like a truck so I was been out since 10PM yesterday on pain meds with a fever too so I’m posting now. Hopefully the Christmas spirit hasn’t left yet. I’m sorry I got y’all hopes up for it yesterday! 😭

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The holidays..a time that by all accounts should invoke cheer and joy into the hearts of everyone. An occasion for celebration, love and laughter. Being surrounded by those you cherished dearly, enjoying the food, gifts and just the warmth that Christmas brought forth. However, that wasn’t the case for everyone, including (y/n) (l/n), who would be spending their day alone for the second year in a row. All but deduced to living on your own, you had only spoken to your roommate via FaceTime, where she explained that she’d be staying behind to help out the family business over the busy holiday rush and your own relatives, two states away despite not being particularly close to any of them. It still would’ve been nice to have someone around to share the day with. Growing up, Christmas was a staple in your household and it was by far, your favorite time of the year. Decorating the tree and wrapping gifts, making delicious food and even baking cookies for Santa. Now it seemed that the whimsical, childhood spark had all but dwindled..a sham of a holiday that you didn’t care for anymore..however, if your favorite nuisance had anything at all to do with it and if you knew him, you wouldn’t be left by your lonesome for too long!

“I’m so sorry, (y/n)! I thought I’d be back in time but they still need me. I swear I’ll make it up to you..”

“It’s fine, boo! Don’t worry about me..be with your folks and enjoy yourself, okay? I’m fine, trust me.” Which helped quell your best friend and roommate’s unease a little. As of late, you seemed to be in much better spirits. Genuinely smiling as opposed to the fake one you were obviously forcing. You hadn’t exactly divulged the secret to her about you and your little rendezvous with the delivery driver. Out of fear of embarrassment or the sheer fact that the two of them didn't exactly get along. Not only did they go to high school together but she used to straight kick his ass in any sport he even dared to try. Although beautiful and girly at times, she had quite the tomboy side to her. She’d first learned of his identity, the annoying DoorDasher who kept magically ending up with your orders, when she came back around Halloween. He was in for a rude awakening when the five foot eight girl with tattoos and short hair answered the door. Knowing damn well she was the last one to try with his bullshit antics!

“If you want to keep your job and your legs, you’ll hand me that bag and get your ass out of here.” A threat that was certain to come to fruition messing with her. It was the only time you’d gotten peace. Of course, the second she boarded that flight, he was talking cold hard shit! “Man, ain’t nobody scared of her. She ain’t gone’ do nothing to me..” still, it didn’t deter him from keeping away from his favorite customer and new boo. Especially because he knew that although you had told your friend that you were just fine..you were probably sulking on the couch. The feeling of loneliness setting in..and the realization that you were about to spend another holiday by yourself. That was unless he came and saved the day..it wasn’t a full five minutes after the conclusion of your call before you’d be greeted by a faint knock at the door. Followed by that of a text..

“I should’ve known..”

you’d peer down at your phone screen, illuminated with the notification and the time; ten thirty pm. Considered late by any other standards but the perfect hour for the antics you were certain was about to ensue. Having brought some liquor and eggnog earlier in the day when you finally had some free time for the holidays. Having some much needed time off. It felt good to not have to depend on someone else to deliver your items. But alas, you wouldn’t be scot free of the man who had all but flipped your mundane life upside down in these past eight months. Making these humdrum days far more exciting, whether you wanted to admit so or not. The ever so lively Eren Jaeger..your doordasher and as of late, newest fling. After what was set to be a wonderful outing with a Tinder date, you were unfortunately stood up and left with only regret and disappointment. However, rather than annoying you with his usual nonsense, he showed a much different side. One that was far more mature and nurturing than what had been previously displayed. As fate would have it, you’d find yourselves trapped inside due to a nasty rainstorm. And before the night’s end..not only were you over the betrayal by the potential date but thanks to Eren, you were also left feeling highly satisfied; courtesy of the several orgasms he invoked out of you that night! From the kitchen counter where he jolted you around on his fingers, slowly kissing and reminding you just how beautiful you were to making love underneath the sounds of pouring rain in your bedroom..a space delegated solely for yourself. Nibbling at your ear and giving you slow backshots as he pressed you flat to the mattress. You couldn’t get enough of one another and needless to say, it caused quite the shift in your once rocky dynamic. A shift that elicited more late night visits and constant texting afterwards. It made you realize that you truly hadn’t seen all of the layers of this once irritating guy who seemed to have been showing up on your step more frequently as of late. Shuffling over to the door, you’d stand to your tiptoes, peering from the small opening meant to screen guests before allowing them in.

“You gon’ let me in or I gotta stand out in the cold all night?”

“That depends. Do you have what I need?”

and of course, he would never be so foolish as to show up empty handed. Not when he was determined to woo the lady who had all but encompassed his psyche. Since the inception of your illustrious little, makeshift love affair, Eren had all but become infatuated. He was already smitten to begin with…loving the fact that you were so quick witted and matched his antics with a no nonsense attitude. Snapping at him when truthfully, you just needed someone to get rid of that stress. Regardless, you wouldn’t be worn down so easily!..if he truly wanted to pursue something with you outside of a customer-driver relationship, then he’d have to work hard to persuade you that he was worth the trouble. It was going to take more than some dick and sweet nothings to knock you off your game. For a moment, he fell silent. You figured he was back to his old antics.

“Baby, I always got what you need. All you have to do is ask. Besides, I’m not risking you whooping my ass because I forgot something.”

with that rather typical response, you’d unbolt the locks and allow him entry. “You are so aggravating.” But before he stepped over the threshold, you’d find his arm snaked around the small of your exposed back, due to the cropped tank top you were sporting and quickly tugged into an entrancing kiss. One that almost swept you from your feet. Even grasping a healthy portion of your asscheck amid the moment. You could tell that he was the type to not only capture a girl’s body but her mind and spirit as well. Despite not trusting him fully, you couldn’t pull away nor did you want to stop seeing him. Once again using the guise of needing a late night meal, you’d summon your faithful driver forth and he’d come bearing gifts. A bag filled with all sorts of delectable treats..ranging from strawberries, chocolate dip, whipped cream, ice cream and of course more of that spiced rum you both loved so much. On his shoulder, he brandished a black duffle; affectionately coined his ‘spinnanight bag’! Needless to say, he had no plans to leave for the time being and all of his devotion was on you.

“Like you’d actually be able to live without me.”

“Mmm..well I guess things would get boring without you around to get on my nerves, huh?”

flashing him a toothy beam, he’d scale your hips with gentle hands for a moment with a similar expression on his handsome face. That was the thing about Eren..despite his crass personality, he handled you with the utmost care. Something you weren’t used to…

“C’mon now, that’s my job..what I do best..” invoking chuckles from the both of you. By this time he had closed the door, securing it behind you both. Followed by the offering of a seat as you formally invited him inside of your home. “Yeah, well I paid you to bring my stuff so hopefully you got it right.” It was rather plain to see that he no longer considered himself a stranger in your life, accepting the warm invitation with open arms and acclimating himself into your space. He’d carefully observed it during the last two visits, but he truly couldn’t fathom how beautiful your apartment was. Clean, organized and so well coordinated despite the bright aesthetic with a mix of lavenders and pinks. Plants swaying and a humidifier steaming gently in the corner to help them keep warmth in the winter. The whole vibe seemed to suit you..

“Give me some credit now. I’m a professional, I don’t make mistakes..”

it was then that Eren would become interrupted in his tracks when he’d peer down at your coffee table..spotting the preset shot glasses before him. Faintly smirking to himself because it was fairly easy to see the type of time you were on!..things truly would never be the same between the two of you now..whilst you shuffled around in the kitchen, preparing some snacks, he’d begin making himself quite comfortable. Kicking off his shoes, pulling off his hoodie and and propping his feet up as if he belonged here. Your roommate would have a conniption if she saw that. He carefully observed the rest of the surroundings, including the adorable tree that you had so meticulously decorated. Lined with garland, glistening with ornaments and illuminated with bright lights..it was beautiful! He’d never seen one so carefully decorated since his own mom.

“What’s up with this tree?”

causing you to glance up, meeting his snarky expression as you chopped up some fruit. “Not too much on my tree, she’s cute. I worked hard on it.” Which only further brought him to hysterics because the thought of someone like you..someone as angry and uptight loving Christmas this much, so much so that between your already beautiful interior were gaudy decorations of snowmen and Santa. Little reindeer figurines strewn throughout the apartment..it was rather adorable, this side of you. He hoped to see it far more often. Chuckling to himself, Eren couldn’t help but to snicker at your reaction but it was purely from a wholesome perspective, not to make fun of you.

“Nah, you did a good job on it. On all of it actually.. aye, I’m even a lil’ jealous. I can’t get those dumbasses I live with to clean up sometimes, less known get a tree set up. At least somebody’s in the holiday spirit.”

he wasn’t lying either. Truth was, he too loved the holidays growing up and as he got older, Eren came to realize that many of his peers didn’t share the same sentiment. Many saw it as childish or just downright unnecessary at this age. Rather, they spent their holidays getting high and drinking, partying the nights away. It was fine to an extent but he missed the whimsical joy that this time of year brought forth. It was nice to see..

“Well I’m glad you think so. Not too bad to say I did it myself..my roommate’s been a lil’ salty with me because I put it up without her. But a Christmas tree being in my living room while trick or treaters were knocking would be insane.” To which he was inclined to agree. Although the uttering of your aforementioned roommate caused him to visibly shudder. “So, where is the she-devil? Still riding her broomstick through hell?” You had to catch yourself from laughing, not because he was poking fun at your best friend but because she put him in a headlock in the middle of the parking lot and Eren couldn’t escape. You were so hysterical, your sides hurt from laughter after she was finished. And at the time, you were so frustrated with him and his bullshit, it felt like some sort of penance for all the aggravation you had to endure. “Unt uh..I know you’re not still mad. Not when you ate half my burrito and then tried to play me in a game of rock, paper, scissors for my drink.” Reminding him of why the altercation started in the first place. “As hungry as I was that night too, yeah, you lucky a headlock was all you caught.” Swinging your knife with animated expressions as you chuckled. Naturally, he had no response whatsoever and truth be told, he couldn’t be mad that two pretty girls had bested him!

“I think you set me up, that’s what I think. But it’s all good..you wanna know why?” picking through the assortment of snacks that you had already set out with a smug grin on his face. Knowing that he was about to have you all to himself and there was nothing she could say. In truth, he felt as if he had the last laugh! Finishing up your assortment of delectables, you’d shuffle over; setting them down and then taking a seat next to him shortly thereafter. “Why’s that? Tell me..” “Because..” not even a full second before you acclimated on to the couch, you’d find your head tilted upright with his fingers underneath your chin. “I got what I wanted. I get to be with you. So I’d say I won.” Just barely grazing your lips together before you’d halt him with a gentle hand to the chest. It wasn’t for a lack of you feeling the same way about him and it certainly didn’t help matters any for you two to be sexually involved now but you were also apprehensive. What if this entire pursuit was some sick conquest for him? Proof that he could wear down the harrowing Ice Queen of Apartment Two Eighty Four. Maybe it was all a part of a bet he had made with friends that he could bag you..perhaps it was something he did all the time.

“That’s how you feel, huh?”

“I don’t think I can make it any clearer, mama. I mean, I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else right now..”

even so, you couldn’t let your fears hold you back from happiness! You can’t recall the last time you’d smile so much. Being around him brought forth a sense of peace that seemed unattainable. And now, here you were spending Christmas Eve with a man, who by all accounts was your sworn enemy almost a year ago. Now things were starkly different and you’d never look back. Either way it went..

“Well in that case, why don’t we get us some drinks?” “Now you talking. Besides, I know you don’t play about your food, so I brought plenty.” Earning him a snarky side eye in the process. He was still that same asshole he always was, it just now seemed far more charming! “Oh, so you got jokes? I’ll remember that.” “I crack myself up from time to time. Hey, what’s that?” And the instant you turned your head, searching for the imaginary object, shifting when you realized nothing was there..you’d find yourself entrapped in a kiss as he had craftily snuck something from his pocket. A tiny mistletoe he had been saving for the perfect moment. Dangling above your heads as he shoved his tongue into your mouth. His touch warmed you to your core..it felt so nice..

“Y’know, I’ve always wanted to do that. Definitely worth the wait..” immediately, you’d find yourself flustered and unable to gather your thoughts for a moment. You’d never been kissed like that, not once in your life. “You’re so corny.” Faltering into a snicker but immediately feigning with a light touch to his cheek. “But it’s cute. So I’ll let you slide.” With that declaration, the small scale festivities would commence and you two began what would become a night forever ingrained in your memories.

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an hour or so passed by, with you both indulging in all of the delicious treats he had brought over, including chocolate dipped strawberries that he’d swirl around before sticking between your lips and watching you on. Eventually taking a bite. Allowing him to lick the drinks from your collarbone with a trail of kisses that obviously turned you on. Sucking whipped cream from his fingers and vice versa..there was something rather sensual about all of it. Along with the whipped shots you took in conjunction with the several glasses of liquor..which hadn’t left either of you inebriated yet but you were slowly beginning to feel a bit of a buzz. Which in turn, had you both fawning over one another..lofi holiday tunes faintly hummed from the mounted television as the faux fireplace underneath from your mantle. You guys didn’t just engage in lecherous activity, you chatted it up quite a bit. Reminiscing on prior Christmases. Talking about life and your daily routines..it was really nice to have someone listen to you rant about the mundane. Brandishing your wine glass whilst your feet remained propped in his lap, you’d propose a rather invasive but necessary question.

“So, lemme ask you something..why did you want to spend Christmas Even with me? Of all people? And no, to fuck is not an acceptable answer.” “Well excuse me, but I think a little piece of pussy isn’t a bad gift at all. It’s quite thoughtful.” Prompting you to roll your eyes. He couldn’t be serious for once in his life and that much was certain.

“Can you not turn everything into a joke?..I was actually hoping I’d get to know you a little..what about your family?”

heeding that strict fervor in your voice that wouldn’t disappear anytime soon. With those tanned cheeks flush with red, a bit intoxicated from the Barcardi coursing his veins, as always..Eren flashed that coy smile, leaning his head back on the couch as he began to respond to your question.

“Truth is..my folks are in Germany right now. It’s where my dad’s from originally. He’s a first generation immigrant actually. He got offered a job working for their medical association and because both of his kids are grown as hell, he and my mom packed when I was nineteen. Been doing my own thing ever since. Honestly..I was before that. Skipping school, acting out..I was an asshole to them. Maybe it’s why they decided to leave me behind in the first place. They finally can get some peace. I don’t blame them though. It does make me miss them, especially this time of year. Makes you appreciate what you have when it’s not there. My mom’s cooking, seeing them open up gifts—“

just then, he’d find himself halted in his tracks and Eren would glance over, seeing that the expression on your face had shifted significantly. “My bad, guess I got carried away.” But in fact, you were happy that he had disclosed this to you. He was opening up and you were gaining a newfound respect. “Not at all..that’s really sweet, Eren. Sounds like they really mean a lot to you..” tracing a finger along the rim of your glass, peering down with a tinge of sadness. A hard lump forming in your throat that despite his ever vivacious smile, you could sense that it was a sensitive topic. Not only that, it made you think about your own family dynamic. Of course, he’d have to ask and get your dirt as well. That’s when you’d confide in him that you were twice as bad. Rather than delinquency, you threw yourself into studying..attending classes and eventually working full time. Desperate to make it out of your small town and into higher living. It was that same determination that drove you away from your family. Missing birthdays, holidays and important events, all for a job that didn’t give a damn about you and school work that could wait. After a while, they just sort of disowned you and didn’t bother inviting you at all.

“Damn, sounds like we’re both awful kids, huh?” Which could only be met with laughter because it was the truth. The hardest truth you’ve had to swallow in a long time. As quiet as it was kept, you were both one in the same. Two lonely people, lost souls yearning for comfort in someone else. His ‘friends’ were always doing their own things so he was by himself by the time he made it home. And even when they were around, he felt out of place. The girls he met were superficial and he had no interest in meaningless hookups anymore. Only difference was you coped with anger and he coped by being silly. Unfortunately, you’d end up in similar fates.

“Well, you’re not wrong..listen, Eren. I’m sorry I judged you. You just always seemed so….” “Arrogant? Carefree? Like I didn’t give a fuck about life?” All sentiments you’d be inclined to agree with. But there was a reason for it. “I wouldn’t say it was wrong. I always did have a way of getting under people’s skin and for a while, I didn’t care. But honestly, I just have fun. Doing something to keep a smile on mine and other people’s faces. Even if it does come off as irritating. Otherwise, I’d be walking around mad at the world..” “..like me, huh?” Something he hated to admit out of fear of offending you. But alas, he was right. “But it suits you. The whole ‘mean on the outside, soft on the inside’ thing is kinda cute. Deep down, I can tell you’re really a sweet girl. I guess what I’m tryna’ say is…I.really like being around you. And not just for your body. You make me happy, (y/n).”

with that declaration, you’d find yourself flush with a plethora of emotions. Tears brimming in your eyes; only mere seconds from falling. Crying because no one had ever spoken to you in such a way. So delicately and kindly. He had a way of seeing through what was nothing more than a surface level facade to protect yourself from getting hurt. Eren knew that all too well. But it was when he smiled at you..when he flashed that pearly white beam at you and leaned closer, cradling the back of your neck with such security and dominance, you wanted to melt right in his grasp. But you were also guarded. Steadfast in not wanting to let another person in only to be let down in the end. Even so, you’d take that leap and let the cards fall where they may.

“You make me really happy too, Eren..” moments later, without a single other phrase uttered, your lips would meet with a gentle crash. Both of your kids shut as you reveled in the long awaited moment. It felt like this every time with him. This invigorating, fiery spark that refused to die. Your tongues twirled around one another in a haze of sloppy pecks..lips lapping over the other and minute strings of saliva being exchanged in the midst. He couldn’t get enough..of your flavor, your essence..any of it. Shortly thereafter, your limbs would become tangled and you’d find yourself shifting onto his lap whilst he pulled you up. It was there that your hands absentmindedly roamed each other’s bodies. Scouring your frames to peel and quite frankly, tear off the binding articles of clothing. Only leaving your tank top on because he loved the way your breasts spilled from it. For the entire duration that you were being stripped down, your lips barely retracted and the heavy make out session only intensified with faint groans. Heavy whimpers even arising sporadically. Finally free of those confines, he’d plant heavy smacks and firm grasps on your ass whilst you straddled his still clothed crotch. As for his top half, you’d be met with chiseled muscles and a few tattoos sprinkled across his chest and torso. In addition to the plethora riddling his toned arms. Chewing at your lower lip, you’d break into a faint smile, admiring his body. Taking the time to delicately trace your fingertips along the outline of his pieces before running your hands to the back of his head. You’d feel his hand snaking around to grope your breasts but shortly after, he was halted when you gently clutched his wrist.

“Can I take care of you tonight?...you’ve already been so good to me..”

mouthing the phrase with a delicate and slightly higher pitched tone. Almost as to appear seductive but not in an obnoxious way..naturally, it worked and Eren would soon be left stumbling all over himself. “Would you like that?” Quivering when you’d trace your tongue around his earlobe, placing kisses on his neck right after. “Y-yeah, I would..do whatever you want to me, baby..” with his explicit consent, you were free to please him in anyway you saw fit. Rolling your hips around, lifting them by an inch to shuffle his pants down his legs. You would maneuver your own lower half so that you were now seated on his thigh. Left with only your thin panties, you’d massage that clothed slit and mound against his skin. Causing gentle friction and heavy arousal. There was something so sexy about using his thigh to get off..the sensation of your wet folds rubbing against his bare skin. Tossing his head back once more, you’d hear a breathy yet quick ‘fuck’ out of earshot. A sign that he was enjoying this just as much as you were. “That feel good?” Earning you more whimpers, which only further drove you to tease him more. You’d peer down and notice that his cock was twitching, jumping on its lonesome..twirling those nimble fingers around his shaft, (y/n) pumped it gently within your palm; slicking him up with strings of precum and saliva. It was blatantly obvious that he was becoming aroused, seeping all over your knuckles. You could even feel his leg underneath you thumping as that swollen bud continued to graze it. Your juices trailing down his flesh and between that and the subtle thrusting through your hand, he was about to lose his mind!

“Get on t—-ahhh..shit!”

that swollen mushroom tip emitting a bright red and oozing with the creamy substance as your movements sped up. Eren rested his hands against your hips, subtly guiding you along but you needed no assistance. You’d rotate your hips in a slow circular motion; grinding to bring yourself closer to a climatic peak as well. Neither one of you would be able to withstand this mounting pressure for much longer so amid toying with him, you’d question once more what it was he wanted. You wanted to hear explicitly what he wanted from you. Just the same as he did when you were feeling down. Not just pleasing him physically but healing his heart as well. Neither of you were lonely anymore..

“What was that? Tell me what you want, baby? Want me to fuck you?” Nearly babying him with that gentle voice, palm brushing against his face and that slow pace. He’d never been taken care of like this and needless to say, he couldn’t get enough! But you too were enjoying being in control; having that subtle dominance over him and being responsible for his orgasm..it was so hot. “(Y/N)…oh my God..” however, that just wouldn’t do..you wanted to hear his words, his explicit permission of how to proceed. Clutching his chin, you’d snatch it downward so that your faces could meet. “Look at me..say it. Tell me you want me to fuck you.” Although he was in by far the most vulnerable state he had ever been in, Eren was enjoying this so much more than you could ever imagine! That chiseled rising and falling with labored breaths. He couldn’t hold out, he had to have you!…

“Fuck me..please, ride this dick, baby.” Giving you the proverbial green light to take him as you saw fit. Shifting in a matter of moments, you’d propel yourself up and glide over to his lap; aligning yourself with his cock with a grasp on his shaft before slowly lowering yourself down on it. The initial sensation and slight ‘pop’ of entering your tightness caused both of you to release loud cries. Especially when you begin to bounce up and down..grazing his pecs and admiring that incredible body as you rode him with a moderate pace. The collision on that heavy ass against his pelvis, in combination with the open palm slaps to those round cheeks; the sounds of smacking resounding throughout the apartment along with his pathetic moans, that only further fueled your desire. At this point, you weren’t sure who was enjoying it more. A smile plastered on both of your lips and each set of your hands scouring the others frames. He’d even burst into a quivering chuckle. “Ohhh, my fucking gosh. This is the best fucking In the midst of that cunt clutching him, he’d make the haste decision to tug down your shirt..groping your breasts and alternating between each one to flick his tongue around those stiffened nipples. He was determined to ravage you, enjoy his fill while he was here.

“Just like that, mama..that pussy feels so fucking good. Keep going..”

soon, you’d plant your feet firmly into the mattress and amp up your movements. Showing him that a lot more lies in your repertoire. With your hands planted to his shoulder blades, you’d reacclimate and toss your head back in the midst of propelling yourself on that thick member. Stretching out that tight core and kissing the inner core of your cervix. “This dick is so fucking good..” Each thrusts touching your sensitive spot..meanwhile, Eren would enjoy the showcase that was your perky breasts bouncing with each movement. “Give it to me!..shit!” “Take it. Take this fucking dick..ohhh fuck!” His vocal pleas increase your stamina yet again and just when he thought you’d be fairly close, you’d surprise him. You’d even look back with your tongue gliding over your lips as it dangled from your mouth from being worked over. Eren was no different and with that pearlescent substance leaking down his shaft and wetness coating him, he was forced to clutch the couch’s arm as an attempt to quell his urge to release. “You gonna give me that nut, baby? You told me you’d always give me what I need..” with one more gentle graze underneath that chin, you’d bring him back to reality; only pausing momentarily to glare into his eyes. “You promise?” It truly shocked him how captivating you were and how well you commanded him. “Ye-yeah! I promise. I’ll do whatever you want..please! Just let me c-ahh!” Loud wails arising from his throat as he trembled in pre ecstasy bliss; something that felt so close yet foreign at the moment. But fortunately, you wouldn’t make him wait much longer.

“Then come for me..I’ll let you nut in it, baby..”

those words seemed to have invoked a feral energy in him and in turn, caused him to tighten his grasp on you whilst he fucked up into that dripping cunt until he emptied the sought after load into you. Letting out loud cries with tears streaming down his face because no woman had ever made him experience euphoria in such a way..it was no wonder you had him twirled around your finger. “FUCK! So good…you made me feel so good..” Filling you up with every drop from those round balls that had been slapping against your backside. Simultaneously, your own climax would come trickling down his rather sensitive member. “Good boy..I’m so glad I did. C’mere.” Rewarding him with a barrage of sloppy and passionate kisses. Kisses, touches and sensations he wouldn’t forget for a long time, if ever!

“I’m so happy I’m here with you. Merry Christmas..” his faint smile and tired glare were the only thing you could see and right there on that sofa, you’d cradle one another close. Topping his forehead with a smooch before nestling your face into his neck..obvious that neither of you wanted to let go..

“Merry Christmas, Eren. My love.”

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@buddhas-bunny @violetxxvenom @miyaluvvsyou @nieceeee @mochiviewz @momobaby227 @hoesluvshanti @spaceforher @lammys-thinking @thickbihhwitdagapp @jamaicanqueenaa @simplycmr @caramelswirlwithacherryontop @themidknightguardian @invisible-888 @hyunip @prettypixigrl

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an-idyllic-novelist · 5 months

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rimuru tempest with fem!tanjiro!reader headcanons

Hey guys, welcome to another collaboration with @deathmetalunicorn1, though the credit on the concept of the pairing and these headcanons go to my dear friend. I really hope you will enjoy what we have written. If you'd like to see more content like this, or an extended version of these headcanons, please let us know!

So with that being said, sit back, relax, and enjoy! :)

Although Rimuru Tempest knows his significant other and her little sister are strong, he will not stop worrying about Tanjiro!reader’s wellbeing, especially when she and Nezuko leave Tempest on a mission, and he is unable to join them for whatever reason. His anxiety will increase tenfold when his relationship with the former Demon Slayer evolved from being friends who just happened to stumble upon each other’s paths as soon as he left Veldor’s cave to being lovers.

It will be very hard for the demon lord to sleep for the first few nights when he is so used to curling up next to Tanjiro!reader and Nezuko, the latter sprawled out and almost always in her toddler form. However, when she does return, Tanjiro!reader will always bring back a souvenir from wherever she traveled to, normally a tasty treat or a cute little knick-knack she saw at a market.

[To ease his lord’s worries, Diablo will mobilize a few of the Black Numbers to keep a discreet eye on the Kamado siblings, personally delivering periodical reports on their whereabouts to Rimuru when it was an appropriate time between meetings and inspections around the capital. After all, an excellent butler must be able to anticipate his lord’s every need and alleviate his concerns so that he may continue to focus on his duties in the land. If something does happen, Diablo will act immediately and make sure Tanjiro!reader and Nezuko return to Tempest safely.]

Tanjiro!reader unwinds from her journey with a big hug from Rimuru in both his slime and human form. Rimuru would receive affection from Nezuko if she isn’t sleeping in her box in the form of bone crushing hugs or his hair being ruffled by a clawed hand. If Rimuru hadn’t eaten, she would whip a simple home-cooked meal that is either a traditional recipe from the Kamado household, or one that Mitsuri, the Love Hashira, had taught her when they were alive back in her old world.

Rimuru will definitely join in and help, even all she’ll allow him to do in the kitchen is wash the dishes.

After he had been reincarnated in this world, he took the Japanese cuisine he had eaten for granted, even the microwaveable ramen noodle cups he’d heat up in the company break room when he had to work late at the office. Back then, Misaki Satoru didn’t care much about his health so much as worried about forever remaining a virgin because he couldn’t score a date with a cute girl.

He honestly couldn’t have anything resembling his homeland’s cooking until his country was developed further, including the dwarves’ metal-working and the orcs’ infamous work ethic. He couldn’t remember how many times he had told Geld and the others to rest even when they insisted that they kept working. Now, he could share a meal and enjoy a hot bath with someone he loves very dearly.

Nezuko is, of course, welcomed to join them in the bath since she loves swimming around the large hot spring he had built in the back of his home. When she joined them, Rimuru reverted to being a slime to protect Nezuko’s innocence. If he’s alone with Tanjiro!reader, he’ll either be a slime or his human form, depending on his mood.

Speaking of which, Nezuko is the little sister everyone in Tempest adores and will be fiercely protected. Rimuru is her favorite person, but when Milim decides to stop by for a visit, she is Nezuko’s new favorite, no matter how much he bribes her with newest confections that were created or toys. But between these two….Nezuko will always pick Tanjiro!reader, if she’s an option.

Rimuru’s love language includes quality time, words of affirmation, and gift-giving. But what he enjoys the most is having afternoon tea on the porch, him sitting in her lap as a slime and munching on sticks of mitarashi dango or different flavored onigiri.

If anything happened to either Tanjiro!reader or Nezuko because an enemy nation was jealous of Tempest’s flourishing economy and thought it would be a brilliant idea to hold them hostage or try to hurt them….they had better be prepared to have another kingdom falling into ruins.

Remember what happened to Falmuth?

Taglist

@sunnyblackbird

@abelheilonwife

@nunezs-stuff

#an idyllic novelist #x reader headcanons #fem!reader #tanjiro!reader #kny x reader #that time i got reincarnated as a slime #rimuru tempest x reader #tensei shitara slime datta ken #that time i got reincarnated as a slime x reader #rimuru x reader #rimuru tempest #tensei shitara slime datta ken x reader

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nikxlaii · 9 months

Text

➽ 𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐑 (𝐈𝐈)

☁ Pairing: Dazai Osamu x gn!reader

☁ Category: Angst

☁ Synopsis: Every time he holds you closer, he can’t help but think of his previous love. You left the agency in order to move on and recover, leaving Dazai in pain.

☁ Note: A continuation of Part 1 of Glimpse of Her. Originally, I didn't plan on making a second part for this since I'm out of ideas, but some of you insisted, so here you go. This story sounds so much better in my head. ;// 08/16/2023

Part 1

Since then, a week has gone by without your presence at the agency. Others started to worry and tried contacting you. They knew what had happened and were utterly disappointed with Dazai. Of course, he received tons of smacking from Kunikida for being such an idiot.

Dazai sat at his desk, staring into the distance. He absentmindedly fiddled with the slack bandage covering his arm, almost ripping it out. Normally, he would replace them with new ones, but does that really matter right now? He couldn’t think of anything other than you circling his mind.

It was unusual, to say the least, for the Agency to be so quiet.

He signed softly and leaned his head on his desk. The pain, guilt, and regret have been weighing heavily on his mind. He despised himself for how he exploited you for his own pleasure; how he only loved you because you reminded him so much of her, yet despite everything he had done to you, you continued to love him dearly, and that made him feel extremely guilty.

What good would it do, he thought, to apologize when he knew it wouldn't repair the pain he had caused?

Honestly, even if he knows he's done something wrong, he's not the type to apologize, but to you? He's unbelievably tender, almost making Kunikida choke and die with the change of Dazai’s personality around you.

He thought about what might possibly happen if you hadn't accepted his feelings in the first place. Will you both be content with your lives as friends or just happy as companions?

He doesn’t know the answer to that.

He sighed and stood up, proceeding towards the exit. This is something he always does to clear his mind. He'll go somewhere where he can be alone and think without being interrupted by people.

He twisted the doorknob, ignoring Kunikida's exasperated yells. He proceeded through the corridors and down the stairs, ignoring everyone in the agency. He just wants to get out and be by himself right now. Most eager to find you. Yes, he's worried.

As he was ready to leave the building, he was stopped by Ranpo's plaintive voice from the President's room.

“EHH? WHAT? You’re leaving?! (Name), don’t leave me!” was all Dazai heard as he walked back almost immediately and stood in front of the president's office. He grasped the doorknob, hesitant to enter. Dazai knew you didn't want to see him, but it's been a week, so this would be an opportunity to talk to you.

He broke out in a cold sweat as the thought of you leaving passed through his head. This felt like a kick to the gut for Dazai. He doesn’t want you to leave. He’s already lost the people he cared for, and now you? His grip tightened, and a familiar feeling rose up in his chest. He knew he was the reason, yet he ashamedly admits he doesn’t want you to leave. Even if you don’t talk to him, seeing your presence safe in the agency is already enough for him.

But what did he expect? This is clearly the consequence of his foolish actions.

He stood there for a moment, debating whether he should go in or just wait for you to come out. He gritted his teeth as his breath became shallow. His heart was hammering against his ribs. Despite being able to control his heart rate, he couldn’t stop it. Dazai wasn’t familiar with the sensation, as it was the first time he had felt this way, and it left him feeling overwhelmed and out of character, almost making him cringe.

He snapped back to reality when he heard a familiar voice behind the door. "Don't worry, Ranpo-san, I'll still come by and bring you sweets," you muttered as you opened the door, unaware of the person behind it. You collided with something, or more specifically, someone's chest. You looked up to see who it was, making you suck in a breath. You took a step back and instantly adjusted your stance. You silently closed the door behind you while staring at the individual in awkward silence.

Why now?

You thought as you pursed your lips. You were helpless and simply stood there, staring at the man who had broken you. Thoughts of ignoring him and leaving as if you didn't know him crossed your mind, but something inside of you keeps you from doing so. Possibly anxious?

Breathing nervously, you were taken aback by his sudden embrace, causing you to halt in place and your eyes to widen. Dazai didn’t know what pushed him to do that, but he didn’t care; he just felt the need to hold you in his arms.

"(Name), you’re safe. I’ve missed you so much, my bella-"

"-please get off of me." You spoke as you firmly pushed him away. You could have sworn you saw the anguished expression he made, but you were too perplexed to even care about that. Right now, you just want to be eaten by the ground and be alone. Just seeing him makes your heart tighten.

"(Name), belladona, can we talk this out? Please talk to me," He said in a pleading tone, taking a step closer to you, but you were too hurt to even want to hear of any of his pathetic reasons. You didn't want to take a chance of getting hurt again, especially when he made it clear that he took advantage of your feelings.

Sweat began to gather on your forehead as you fought back tears that threatened to form in your eyes. You were at a loss for what to do in this uncomfortable situation. You didn't want to cry in his presence. You just want to be away from him and be alone.

When he didn't hear you respond, his heart tightened, a clear indication to him that you didn't want to talk to him. Normally he would pester the person and force them to speak to him, but this time was different. He knew you didn’t want to, so he had no choice but to let you go.

You muttered a low ‘excuse me’ as you walked past Dazai, leaving a pit inside of his stomach. You surpassed the impulse to cry as you exited the building. It's probably the last time you'll ever set foot on it. As much as Dazai wanted to hold your wrist to stop you, he just can’t bring himself to do it. But if he can, he will, even if it means screaming at him, just for you to stay.

His heart sank when you disappeared from his sight. The person he loved was leaving him again, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Even if he wanted to, he just couldn’t. In that moment, everything seemed to slow down as he watched the person who had made him feel understood disappear from his life forever.

Ranpo knew it was coming as he walked out of the President's office, peering at the man's amber eyes with his emerald ones in disappointment.

"Honestly, did you love them? Or was it simply the way they treated and loved you that made you love them?" Ranpo inquired solemnly, already knowing the answer to his question. Despite Ranpo's childish demeanor, he becomes serious in circumstances like this if you’re involved. You were like a sister to Ranpo, and watching you leave the agency sent thousands of knives through his chest. He couldn't help but blame the brunette for your departure.

Dazai turned his gaze to where you had left. He did love you. He loves you with all his heart. But there were times that he'd see you as her, and he couldn’t help but miss her solace. But of course, that is no excuse for him to make you stay.

He didn’t immediately respond, but after a moment of silence, he replied, “With all my heart.”

“How can you say that? You broke their heart.”

He sighed deeply and said, “I know, and for that, I'm forever sorry. But I want you to know that I never meant to hurt them. I loved them more than anything in the world. I still do.”

‘Never meant? that’s bullshit.’ Ranpo thought to himself. Although Ranpo isn’t the type of person to curse, what Dazai said made him look at him in disbelief.

After a long pause, Dazai continued, “I know how much pain I caused them, and I don’t expect them to forgive me. But I want them to know that they’ll always have a place in my heart.”

If he hadn't messed up in the first place, surely your relationship would not have ended up this way.

But his actions were a choice, not a mistake, right?

Right.

Before turning around, Ranpo took a final look at the brunette and then closed his eyes.

“The hardest part of love isn’t falling in or out of it. It’s learning how to pick yourself up and move on.” and with that, Ranpo left the brunette dumbfounded.

As he stood there dumbfounded, a sudden realization slowly began to dawn on Dazai. He was coming to understand something he had never quite fully realized before. He blinked a few times as he breathed out a breath he was holding before starting to move again.

Maybe… Just maybe one day he'll find a glimpse of us.

Part 1

Bonus part: It's been 6 years since you last visited the agency, and you're now blissfully engaged to someone amazing. You haven't seen or heard from your former colleagues in a long time, so inviting them to your wedding would be a fantastic idea.

And what about Dazai? He hasn't changed since you left. Consider his distress when he receives your wedding invitation. To be honest, he deserves it. That was something he did to himself. But part of him is relieved that you've found happiness.

He was hesitant to attend your wedding, but Ranpo persuaded him to do so. (Lmao He wanted him to feel your anguish 6 years ago.)

#angst #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x reader angst #dazai #dazai x reader #dazai x reader angst #fanfiction #bungou stray dogs x reader angst #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader angst #bsd x reader #angst no comfort #dazai x reader angst no comfort #bsd

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lana-angel-writes · 1 month

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Decisions

Stucky x reader

You're in love with two super soldier avengers will they make you choose between them or let you have them both?

Note - this is something I wrote for one of my old blogs sorry if it’s bad!❤️

TW- smut below MDNI!!!

Masterlist

The hardest decision is when you have to choose between 'two'. It's even harder when it's two people you love with your whole heart. And right now your heart and soul were split between Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. The two best friends loved each other truly but they loved one thing more, you.

They would do anything for you, each of them going out of their way to prove the undying love they held so dearly for you.

You don't even know how it happened, you've only been an avenger for a year. Yet somehow you already fell for two of them. You never chose to love them and honestly if you could go back and change the day you fell for each of them maybe you would, keyword being maybe.

Both parties had their pros and cons but it will always be more than that. You loved each and every one of their individual flaws and they loved yours. You held an all-consuming love for each of them so you decided to not decide. Maybe that was a selfish idea but how could you choose without hurting the other. You also knew you'd be hurting yourself. You just wished that there could be a way to have both of them so you could show them that you loved them equally. After all, maybe there was a way.

Unbeknownst to you the two super soldiers already knew you loved the other. When they first started to become infatuated with you they saw how you treated the other.

Steve would watch as you hung off of Bucky's metal arm at another one of Tony's extravagant parties. To him you two looked like a beautiful, happy couple and he backed away because he'd never seen his best friend so happy. He pushed down his love for you for the sake of his best friend's happiness.

Bucky watched as you practically sat on Steve's lap as you showed him movies that he'd missed over time but he saw that Steve wasn't paying any attention to the movie. He was paying attention to the way you clung to him, and the small smile that played perfectly on your beautiful lips. Bucky would never admit it but he was jealous, he was jealous of the way Steve looked at you like you were the most ethereal being he had ever laid eyes on.

Eventually, they brought it up to one another if the two were good at anything they were good at compromising. They'd been doing it since they could remember. Usually, when a compromise arose they agreed to share and that's exactly where the same predicament with you came. They agreed to share you, but of course only if you agreed too.

Once again Tony was throwing a party in honor of another successful mission. Usually, after such an enduring mission both of the super-soldiers would retreat to their personal quarters to call it a night. But not tonight, no tonight they put on their tightest clothes to extenuate their busting muscles and slightly growing bulges. They knew you always came to the extravagant parties, they also knew you put on your shortest dresses.

Every time you walked into these parties you were noticed by most of the men and even some women. Not that you minded you loved the attention and lustful looks but more specifically you loved Steve and Bucky's attention. You were well aware that if you bent down at all, everyone would get a free show of your thong-clad ass. You loved that you could feel their gazes burning into the back of your figure as you strutted to the bar. “You know they look like they’re about to pounce on you.” Natasha who was behind the bar was also well aware of the animalistic gazes on you. So you just smirked and acted to your best ability to be innocent. After sitting at the bar for a while you felt a presence behind you so on instinct you turned around to find a smirking man you didn’t recognize. “ May I help you with something?”, “Well gorgeous you could let me buy you a drink.” You really didn’t feel like having to flirt like an adolescent teen with this man but you could practically feel the jealousy radiating off of the two brooding men. So you put on your best imitation of a shameless flirt.

After talking to the man you realized just how different he was from the two men you were so utterly in love with. Maybe, in another universe when you weren’t so smitten, the guy may have come off as charming or in the least attractive. But all you saw was a guy who wanted to take your dress off and fuck you for his own pleasure. So, to pass the time and the male’s incessant blabbering of himself, you picture all the ways Bucky and Steve could rip your clothes off and ravish you. You were so far gone in your fantasizing that you had yet to notice the presence of the two men behind you. What finally snapped you out of your wildest dreams was Steve wrapping his arm around your waist.

“Well, y/n aren’t you going to introduce us to your company?” Even though you weren’t looking at him you could practically hear the smirk in Buckys deep voice. “This is um...Dylan...yeah, Dylan, this is Steve and Bucky.” You could tell the man was nervous because lets be honest who wouldn’t be, it’s Captain America and the Winter Soldier. If you weren’t just using this guy to make the two soldiers jealous then you probably would have been irritated with them because without another word the poor man scurried off like a frightened mouse.

” Was that necessary, he was rather interesting company.”, “Really because I don’t think you could tell us one thing that guy said. You were too caught up in that beautiful brain of yours, bunny.” There it was ‘bunny’ a nickname Steve had given you but only used a few times since you had known him. Yet each time it’s used it ceases to make your insides stop turning or the bright red blush to fall from the apples of your cheeks. Just like when Bucky calls you ‘doll’ which he used more frequently because it didn’t come off as so sexual, who knew the golden boy of America was so dirty.

“ Doll? You in there, Steve asked you a question and good girls answer when asked.” If you could have, you would have melted into the floor by now. “Oh yeah, what’d ‘ya say steve?”, “Well, Bun I asked if you wanted to go somewhere more private?” Oh god, was this the day you actually get to have both of them? Now that they were actually asking you, you were a lot more nervous than you thought you would be.

“Oh, yeah, how about my room?”, “Perfect Bunny.”

----------------------------------------------------

As they were walking down the corridor to her quarters they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Bucky's metal was around her waist very close to the dip of her ass, Steve’s arm was slung around her shoulders his hand millimeters from groping her breasts. Once they got about two doors from her room Steve took the initiative to lightly push her against the wall and cage her in with his muscled arms. “ Are you sure you wanna do this Bunny?”, “ We won’t make you do anything you don’t want to Doll.”, “ Please, yes, I want you, both of you.” That’s all it took for Steve to throw her over his shoulder while Bucky couldn’t resist the urge to smack her ass that was now almost fully exposed to them. “ You’ve got the nicest ass, peach” She couldn’t help the small moan that escaped her bitten lips from the pleasurable pain that was sent rippling through her.

Once they arrived in her bedroom Steve tossed her on the bed and watched as her tits bounced from the impact. After Bucky closed the door he started to undress, starting with his shirt as Steve did the same. Once they were fully exposed they both looked at her expectantly but all she could do was stare in awe at their erect cocks. “Well, doll are you going to show us what’s under that pretty little dress, or are we going to have to rip it off you?” Immediately she sat up to take the hem of her dress and pull it over her head. “Well look at that Buck no bra it’s like she wanted us to fuck her.” She was getting impatient with them standing there in all their naked glory not doing anything so she decided to take matters into her own hands. She started to trail her hands down her body stopping at her tits to play with them, toying her erect nipples between her fingers. The men in front of her didn’t think it was possible for their dicks to get this hard by watching a girl touch herself but y/n wasn’t just any girl to them.

Once she got to her pussy she started to run her fingers through her wet folds, spreading herself to her clit and rubbing tight circles on it. Bucky couldn’t take the sweet torture any longer so with his flesh hand he tore her hand from in between her own legs. Steve went around the bed so his cock was right above her face, she could have drooled at the sight. She was so focused on Steve she didn’t feel Bucky positioning himself between her legs until he started to tease her folds with his angry red tip. She couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped but that gave Steve the perfect opportunity to slip his hard dick into her warm hole. “M’ God bunny your mouth is better than I thought.” Bucky started to slowly push his large cock into her tight hole, going slowly so she could adjust to his size. “ Shit doll you're so tight, I could fuck this tight pussy all day.” All their praises made her squeeze around bucky, making him let out a loud moan that made her thankful for the soundproof walls.

When Steve looked down at her he could see his dick bulging in her throat, he’d never seen anything more erotic. He couldn’t help but thrust his hips harder and hear her gags and muffled moans. Once he thought she had enough so she could gasp for air through her moans of bucky fucking her like a feral animal. He always thought y/n was beautiful no matter what, but right now choking on his cock while getting fucked by his best friend was by far the most beautiful he’d ever seen her.

“Oh fuck, doll m’ so close. Come on I know you wanna cum on my cock, let go peach.” Bucky’s thrust started to get sloppier and more erratic so he reached down to rub harsh circles on her clit. Once bucky started to thrust deeper, she couldn’t hold back any longer and toppled over the dangerous edge of her high. Once she reached her high her walls started to clamp down on bucky with a vice grip which threw him over the edge. Just before he was about to cum he pulled out and emptied his load on her stomach.

It only took a few more thrusts in the back of her throat for Steve to start cumming. He let go in the back of her throat leaving her no option other than to swallow his seed, not that she minded. Once they both pulled out, they adjusted her on the bed with her back to the pillows. Bucky went to the bathroom to get her water and a cloth to clean her up while Steve stayed behind with her. “You ok bunny? We didn’t go too rough did we?”, “No Steve, it was perfect don’t worry.”

Once she was clean and hydrated Bucky and Steve laid on opposite sides of her. Y/n sighed contentedly because finally, she had her two loves all to herself she knew there’d be problems to be straightened out when the time comes but for right now all she wants- needs is to be in these men’s arms.

#marvel #marvel mcu #mcu fanfiction #stucky x reader #stucky #steve rogers #sebastian stan #stevebucky #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x bucky barnes #steve rogers x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier

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stedefxckingbonnet · 6 months

Text

Moonlight Meetings | Izzy Hands x Reader

Summary: You knew Stede Bonnet from his days of being married to your dearest friend, Mary. Although Mary was your best friend, you were still there for Stede during his conflicting feelings about his marriage and wanting to sail the seas and explore the world and, well, become a pirate, and without judgment, too. You wished you had gone with him when he had left, but you stayed loyal to Mary. But upon Stede's return and him and Mary giving and getting the closure they mutually needed, as well as her assisting him in faking his death so he could truly go and live the life he's wanted to pursue without guilt, you do end up going with him this time. You actually reveal yourself to be a skilled navigator and trader, but even before this knowledge, the crew accepted you with open arms. Even a certain first mate who was weary at first (you are Stede's friend, after all) comes around, although you tried to take over his late night thinking spot as your own. You end up sharing said spot and looking forward to your encounters and conversations every night, even throughout the days.

Warnings: slight inconsistency with plot of OFMD (just the stuff with when Stede returns after leaving again, it's really not too evident or bothersome i don't think), some strong language, briefest mention of blood ever, some light angst, brief mentions of troubling past, brief explorations of anxiety, kissing

This honestly took me a few days to write, and Tumblr didn't save some of it, so that was frustrating, anyhow—I truly hope you all enjoy this! I enjoyed writing it. I have a few requests that I will be fulfilling hopefully tomorrow as well, or at least in the next couple of days especially after recent events if you know what I mean...I love you all so dearly and I cannot thank you enough for all the love you've shown me so far. I've enjoyed talking with you all whether it's through the comments or my inbox or even messages :) Keep the requests coming, and have a wonderful day (or night!)

Word Count: 5461

You had never fathomed that the sun could even shine this brightly. For once in your life, its beams didn't berate you but rather seemed to engulf you in a warm embrace as a sort of sendoff on your new endeavors, encouraging you, almost—reassuring you that this was in fact the right choice.

Ever since Stede had taken off to start his new life as a pirate amongst the ocean, you couldn't help but feel envious. You would have given anything to be able to do the same, to leave everything behind and start fresh, especially upon the saltwater seas. Barbados was all you had ever known and it never truly felt like your home. But even just the thought, the daydream of sailing the seas and discovering places you never imagined existed, felt like absolute bliss and paradise. You were sad to see Stede go, too, but you knew it would be good for him. You knew he would be happier than he was living here with Mary and his children, living the life his parents designed for him. You were undeniably happy for him. But you couldn't help but also be extremely jealous, too. Though of course, you would never express these feelings harshly—you really were over the moon for Stede. You just wished for something beyond the life that was handed to you, too. You knew he understood that, too.

Whenever you and Stede would whisper about his plans in corners at all of those socialite gatherings in the rare moments when no one was watching, he would always suggest for you to go with him, but you felt like you had no choice but to stay, especially with Mary. She was your dearest friend, and you felt strongly about your loyalty towards her. You'd never admit you were also terrified of your name being slandered and that your new reputation would follow you out there forever if you had left with him, at least at that time, in those circumstances.

But, Stede returned briefly, and all had been rekindled with Mary. They sincerely wished each other well, and she even helped him pull off a grandiose stunt—faking his death, and you knew that now, he was finally able to live the life he yearned for in peace and free of guilt. He killed off the Stede Bonnet of Barbados, and truly began to grow into the person he wanted to be—Stede Bonnet of the sea, The Gentleman Pirate.

Once he pulled it off, you walked over with him to the sand to send him off once again. There was a lingering moment between the two of you, both knowing that this would not be farewell.

"I'm going to ask you again," Stede started. "Do you want to come with me? Please, come with me, it's amazing out there. And the crew, oh!—you'd just love the crew! Please?"

How could you resist this time? Even before he had formally asked again, you were already on board, ready for whatever awaited you on this journey.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The first few weeks aboard The Revenge had been nothing short of wonderful. You already felt well acquainted with your crew, and there were even a particular few you felt yourself getting closer to already, and hoped you all would continue to. But there were parts of it that were terrifying, too—it would hit you in the most out of nowhere moments that you just up and left your last life. It's not like anything, let alone anyone was waiting for you back there, but nonetheless it shocked you from time to time that you had even left. You felt like an entirely new person—you knew that in your core you were still you, but your identity felt a bit lost in this new environment somewhere. You hardly mourned this, as you were excited to explore a new you, but that didn't erase the fact that it was frightening. There were nights where you found yourself confiding in Stede about this for hours, but you eventually stopped as you noticed Ed would already be in his quarters when you arrived and you wanted to give them privacy. Still, you couldn't stand to be alone in your own quarters, but you weren't sure which of your crew mates' doors you could knock on just yet. The only place left was to check out the main deck, see if there were any nooks and crannies you may have missed.

After a few minutes of searching, you found the perfect spot—you couldn't really be seen by anyone else on the deck, if anyone decided to walk onto it, but you could still stare out at the water and the moonlight. The moon's reflection rippling across the ocean was one of your favorite sights—it brought you such peace, so you were honestly glad that you strayed from being holed up in Stede's room and wound up here instead. You were about to sit when you felt someone else's presence beside you. You jumped, immediately turning around to see who it was, your hand instinctively reaching for your sword.

"It's just me," Izzy sighed. "You can put your fucking sword away. Just me.

You let out a sigh of relief upon the sight of the first mate. You knew that his presence unsettled, or really just annoyed the others, but not you. His presence made you feel safe and looked after, even if he was a bit harsh a lot of the time.

"This is my spot, you know," he sighed once again.

"Your spot?"

"It's where I come to think every single night, even when I'm not on watch," he explained to you surprisingly patiently.

"Do you want me to leave?" you pondered, almost frantically. You didn't want to feel like you had invaded yet another space. You knew you would start spiraling, start thinking that maybe there wasn't a place for you aboard The Revenge. And honestly, Izzy wanted to be alone, but the look on your face almost pierced through his heart. He didn't have the heart to tell you off.

"You don't have to," he shrugged, sitting down beside you. "It's fine."

You both stared out at the sea. You were beyond grateful to have some company, honestly—company beyond the moon itself. Not long after, a sigh escaped your own lips. Izzy tried to fight off the urge to talk to you, but he couldn't deny that he felt so drawn to you, even when you first arrived on the ship.

"Something wrong?" he finally asked, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. He intended to keep you in his periphery.

"I guess I've just been feeling kind of like an outsider," you shrugged, continuing. "Being here is all I've ever wanted and more, but I just feel like such a burden to everyone all the time. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and even when Stede left our village, I only had one friend. Now I just feel even more alone...It's silly, I know."

"It's not," Izzy protested. "I get it. I do."

"You do?"

Izzy nodded. "You don't ever see me talking to anyone, do you?"

You paused to ponder. "Not unless they need something."

"Exactly."

"Do you ever get lonely, Izzy?"

Such an innocent inquiry was enough to almost make Izzy's heart stop. Looking at you from the corner of his eye wasn't enough anymore. He turned his head to face you, witnessing the genuine expression on your face. You truly cared, and you truly wanted to know. No one had ever looked at Izzy this way before, and he wasn't sure of how it was supposed to make him feel—frustrated? Sad? Sorry? Joyous, even? He subtly put his gloved hand upon his chest, thinking somehow it would slow his quickly-paced heartbeat. He wasn't used to this, he couldn't even believe this was happening. He even felt he was reading too much into this—but, you cared, and he knew it right away. He didn't know what to do with that. But it was a pleasant feeling, teetering on bittersweet. Upon realizing your question was still hanging in the air, he quickly spoke again, his mind not exactly in sync with his mouth.

"I suppose."

Izzy's response hung in the air just as your query had. It felt relieving to put such a thing out into the universe, but it also felt dreadful facing this reality. Was this the reason behind the occasionally random sharp pains in his chest, almost reminiscent of someone stabbing him right through his heart with a sword? These physical sensations never came without a looming feeling of gloominess, after all. He almost exhaled at the thought. He wasn't sure whether or not he was ready to explore any of this, let alone if he even wanted to do so. His gaze was still fixated on you, as if he were awaiting to hear something from you as well. For once in his life, hope could be seen in his eyes, though he didn't know it.

Finally, you spoke. "I'll be the moon."

A laugh almost boomed from Izzy's chest. "What?"

"I'll be here every night, if you'll have me. If there's ever a particularly hard day, just remember that the moon will rise at the end of the day and be there for you to lament all your sorrows to," you stood up by this point, speaking sort of dramatically, but it was apparent that you meant it sincerely. "And even during the day, did you know you can still see the moon? So, I'll be there during the day, too."

Izzy was in complete and utter disbelief in the best way possible. He was truly at a loss for words, and he swore his head was going to hurt from how much he was nodding. You smiled at this sight, and held your hand out to help Izzy up. He looked at you, confusing written all over his expression, but you kept your hand there. Finally, he allowed himself to put his hand in yours and before he knew it, he was back on his feet again, in more ways than one.

"Goodnight, Izzy."

"Right. Yes. Goodnight."

The thought of Izzy didn't leave your mind even as you retreated to your quarters, nor when you succumbed to sleep for the remainder of the night's reign. Little did you know that Izzy thought of you, too. That you weren't just going to be his moonlight, but also, his sunshine. But he didn't know that just yet.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You rose right as the sun did the next day, never having been more ready to take on a day until now. Something was even more enchanting about watching the transition of grey hues into orange into light blue, but this process in reverse would always have your heart. The rest of the crew woke up shortly after you, some still yawning, some stumbling upon the main deck from exhaustion. You couldn't help but giggle at such sights. None other than Izzy Hands followed behind them and your heart almost skipped a beat. Usually when this happened it was because you were overcome with worry, but, not this time and you knew that deep down. When you swore no one else was looking, you glanced over and sent a grin his way, to which he slightly returned—blinked, and you would have missed it. Your smile grew even larger, and you had to turn away to conceal it. Before you knew it, you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, causing you to gasp.

"Someone's chipper this morning."

"Stede!" you exclaimed, laughing so hard that your stomach would probably hurt later. You swiveled around to face him. "Scared the ever living shit out of me."

"Sorry about that," Stede couldn't help but chuckle. "I just wanted to check in with you...are you feeling happy here? You settling in okay? I know it's a lot to just up and leave your life."

"Honestly, I've never been better," you admitted, your smile still existing upon you. And your smile was radiant—it had almost everyone's head turns toward you, their hearts feeling warm. Even Izzy. Especially Izzy. "I am so glad I did this. I regret not joining you sooner, but I—"

"I know," Stede jumped in to assure you, which you were endlessly grateful for. He knew of your tendency to spiral, and he wanted to cultivate a space where you didn't feel like you had to do so. "And I admire your loyalty. It's been an asset on this ship so far."

You sent a glance of gratitude his way before he walked off upon the sight of Ed emerging from his quarters, finally. You laughed as they made their ways over to one another. You were beyond happy to see your dear friend so happy, so in love. So in his element, where he truly belonged.

"Everyone, get to work!" Izzy suddenly shouted, to which the crew immediately scurried off to their designated areas. This didn't startle you, though. You made your way over to the kitchen to assist Roach in organizing the rations, accidentally brushing hands with Izzy as you did. You stopped in your tracks and looked at him from over your shoulder. He was looking at you, too, the smallest smile on his face. He couldn't look away, even though he wanted to just in case his face flushed or he smiled any further or, gods forbid, anyone else saw. You weren't afraid to keep smiling, and after what felt like forever of engaging in this staring match with the first mate, you finally ducked into the kitchen, so as not to keep Roach waiting. If you had, he would know something happened and he would pester you about it for the rest of your life.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Night fell sooner than you could realize it and for that, you were entirely grateful. You had been distracted the entirety of the day; the thought of whatever you and Izzy may have to share later dancing around in your mind, causing your heart to do pirouettes whenever you daydreamed about it. You almost couldn't even wait until everyone was asleep—but you knew this would run the risk of revealing your and Izzy's secret spot, and that would be less than ideal for the both of you. The last thing you wanted was to ruin a good thing that was only just beginning to blossom.

But tonight, Izzy was early. He found himself inhabited in the very same spot as the previous night, just as he had promised. Without a word, you plopped down right beside him, sending one of your signature smiles his way.

"I've never wished a day away like I had today," you laughed breathlessly.

"Nor have I. Yet, here we are." You could tell that there wasn't resentment behind Izzy's statement, but rather, a sort of joy. You discreetly moved a bit closer to him, your knees almost brushing against one another. Izzy also moved toward you at the same time, causing said collision. You were grateful for the dark concealing the rose tint creeping upon your cheeks. Izzy was grateful for the dark concealing the smile creeping upon his lips.

Izzy exhaled almost sharply, preparing to speak again, really speak. "I don't mean to scare off the crew, you know."

"I don't think you scare them one bit," you were quick to reassure him. "It's just how times were in the time where you sailed with Blackbeard, right?"

Izzy nodded almost rapidly, in utter shock that you already had such a good read on him. "Times were different, that's for sure."

"I can tell you care," you told him sincerely. "You just have a way of showing it that the crew isn't used to. I mean, they have Stede fucking Bonnet as one of their captains."

Izzy didn't hesitate to laugh at that. "Yeah. Stupid fucking Stede Bonnet...but what was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Being a part of...that world. His world."

You rolled your eyes somewhat playfully. "It was...a lot, all at once. Lots of uncomfortable clothes, powder on my face that made me look sickly but everyone would swear I was beautiful. But I never felt like a real fucking person. Ever. It was honestly exhausting."

Izzy listened intently, leaning in a bit to further demonstrate this. He nodded as you spoke, nods that spoke: I understand. That does sound like a lot. That does sound exhausting. It's amazing that you left that life behind. You're destined for so much more than what you were given. But all Izzy could manage to say, was, "No wonder you left. That sounded awful." He was mentally punching himself for not thinking of anything better to say. You deserved words in which were beautifully and artfully strung together. He knew that.

But, you laughed, knowing he empathized just by the way he looked at you. You were no stranger to these sorts of glances—sure, no one had ever looked at you that way before, but it was all you read about in your favorite romance novels, described so vividly that once you did encounter a moment like this, you would immediately recognize it, and, you did. "I'm better now. Much better. Where I need to be."

Once again, Izzy nodded. "You've been a great addition to this crew."

"Really?" you asked, almost in disbelief, but you were flattered to say the very least.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." To anyone else, this would have sounded harsh. To you, these were the most reassuring words you had ever heard. He looked over at you, insecurity rushing through his bloodstream and you could see this. Even in the light of the moon, you could see the paleness of Izzy's face.

"Thank you, Izzy." You spoke sincerely, and suddenly all pigment re-entered Izzy's once ghostly features. Such words felt so foreign and out of reach for him, until you had confidently brought them into existence. From you, this declaration wasn't a whisper—he could tell that you meant it with your entire heart. He couldn't even recall the last time someone had shown him a shred of gratitude, or if anyone ever had at all before this. Just those three words were enough to send warmth all throughout his body even as the breeze threatened to send shivers down both of your spines and force you underneath the warmth of your blankets in your respective quarters. This would be a warmth that would carry on every time he saw you from this point on—you would be the start to the fireplace in his heart, and part of him knew this was going to begin to happen from this moment forward. As long as you were going to be around, he knew he would at least never be entirely freezing again.

All Israel Hands could manage to do now was look at you. There were stars in his eyes paired tears hat threatened to cascade down his cheeks like waterfalls and he hoped so much that you weren't able to see, that the moon would spare him at least a bit. But you so badly wanted to reach out and wipe away the water from the corners of his eyes, though you wanted his complete trust even more, and that seemed like the last way to get it, at least this early on.

"My eyes just get dry," Izzy quickly defended in case you had seen anything.

You stifled a quiet laugh. "It is pretty windy out here."

"So, see you tomorrow, then?"

"Tomorrow," you confirmed, not even trying to conceal the corners of your lips rising to form a smile.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Tomorrow's would unfold every single night, not one ever missed. There were even a few nights that you happened to be in the midst of a cold but you insisted to be in your spot with Izzy, to which he would protest and you would compromise by allowing your meetings to happen in your quarters as he got Roach to make you soup, and you were better within the next few days. And even on the days where Izzy felt like absolutely screaming and cursing at the world, perhaps directing this to Blackbeard and Stede, he would still eagerly await your time together—it would be beyond enough to get him through those days.

It had now been quite some time since these meetings began. You were really beginning to solve the riddle that was Izzy Hands, and you quite liked what you were finding, and it only made you yearn to uncover even more. But, there were many nights and even days spent where you worried—worried that perhaps Izzy was ashamed of the connection that you two had formed, and that was why your encounters took place at night. Or, perhaps he was just lonely, or he had nothing better to do. You did your best to push these thoughts to the back of your mind but you usually had no luck. And, it was even harder to deny the blossoming feelings you had for the man.

Even before the first time you two had really conversed, you knew there was something about the first mate that you were drawn to, and these nights with Izzy had only confirmed that.

Little did you know that the same fears, and probably even more, existed within Izzy. Of all the people in the crew, why had you taken interest in him? He knew that even Stede Bonnet was probably of more interest, with his fancy wears and his everlasting bookshelves. Or Frenchie perhaps, with his instrument and his voice that the crew never got sick of hearing. Or Lucius with his sketches and his wit. Or hell, even Blackbeard himself, with all of the anecdotes he had up his sleeve—but why him? Why Israel Hands? This thought often plagued him to the point where his head would begin to hurt just a bit, and whenever it did (and, you knew when it did—he wasn't the best at hiding the wincing at all), he would just cake it to the changes in weather, or something that had happened that day, or even not drinking enough water. You always knew these excuses were, well, excuses, but you also knew it wasn't best to press.

Sometimes, part of Izzy wished that you would press. It was you, so he wouldn't mind as much. It wasn't likely that he would pour out his concerns, but he would appreciate yours.

As soon as you arose, you already spotted Black Pete and Lucius, who absolutely qualified for the cutest couple award, if there were such a thing—you wouldn't be surprised if Stede had established that just for them. But, your heart sank just a bit, knowing you couldn't express your growing love for Izzy like that. You weren't even sure you would know if he returned your feelings, and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin such a beautiful thing between the both of you with such knowledge, especially if he truly didn't feel the same. But every morning, your heart would ache, and it became harder and harder to keep all of this love to yourself. You wanted more than anything for it to pour out of you like a fountain that never stopped flowing. You reserved such ardor for Izzy and Izzy alone. Never had you carried such affection, such fondness for another, and not only did that excite you, but it also scared the hell out of you.

The crew noticed this after the first few weeks—oh, you were far from subtle. You practically glowed whenever Izzy entered a room, even if you appeared completely composed.

Finally, Izzy rose from his quarters and your heart leapt in your chest. You couldn't hold it in anymore, and there was no way you were waiting for the moon to rise tonight. You waltzed right over to Izzy, gently pulling him aside. He didn't resist your touch at all—it felt almost familiar, and peaceful.

"Do you have a moment?" you suddenly asked.

"For you? Always. For anything else? Probably not," he chuckled.

Before you were about to speak once again, Stede had announced that the ship had docked. You sighed, slumping against the railing that you and Izzy were propped up against.

"Can it wait?" Izzy asked you sheepishly, his eyes apologizing.

"Oh. Yes. Yes, it can," you sighed.

"Not for long," Izzy assured you as he rushed off in order to ensure the ship's safe docking. It only took a few moments before he gestured for you to follow him off of the ship. You perked up at this, grabbing your satchel and running over to him.

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" he asked as you walked along the pathway of the Republic of Pirates.

"I...It's nothing. Not here, at least."

"Then where?" Izzy sent a playful smile your way.

"Could we actually head back to the ship? Just for a moment?"

Izzy pondered this—for just a moment. "I suppose no one would really notice, and if they did, they wouldn't care all that much."

This time, Izzy followed you. You were already beginning to regret this quite a bit, and beads of sweat were forming upon your temple. You wiped them away carefully, fanning yourself with your hand. You led Izzy to your shared spot, barely being able to breathe. Nor was Izzy with the way you were practically running back, and he had to do his best to keep up the pace. But the thought that something could be wrong was beginning to plague him.

"I couldn't wait until tonight," you finally admit, nervous laughter bubbling out of you.

"Most days, I can't either," Izzy sent a reassuring, but equally as nervous smile your way. "All of the time, actually."

All you could manage to do was sit there and just glow. You glowed underneath the sun's beams and the sight of it made Izzy absolutely melt, and not from the heat.

"Is everything alright? Just wanted to talk?"

Your eyes stayed fixated upon the man before you, the person whom you carried so much love for that it almost overflowed out of you. And, it was no secret that you had never felt this way about anyone before, and Stede Bonnet himself could and would be overjoyed to confirm it. You were often urged to find some sort of attachment toward a plethora of potential "worthy" suitors, but none of them ever caught your eye, nor had much to offer you despite all of their pleas. You always had this feeling deep down that none of them were truly suitable, and so you bore no hesitation saving yourself and your heart for someone that was. And Israel Hands was beyond anything you had ever dreamed of. He suited you so perfectly. He was worthy of all of the love in the world and so much more—you just hoped yours was enough for him. You hoped he would want any of it—it was his if he did.

And oh, did he want it. He yearned for you. Izzy's heart ached when the two of you were forced to retreat to your quarters after hours of conversation. He could spend forever just sitting there with you, his arm wrapped around you as you witnessed the sky's change every day, together. To him, that would be absolute paradise. Every second he spent with you, and even when you were apart, he knew in his heart that he held this special sort of feeling for you. Dare he call it love, as he didn't want his heart to shatter into a million pieces that he wouldn't be able to pick up. But, you were it for him, and he knew that deep down. He could see it in your eyes, or at least, he hoped that was what he was seeing. You did look at him with stars in your eyes, and you knew that.

"Please, don't hate me," you started, biting your lip so harshly that it almost drew blood.

"Hate you?" Izzy repeated, absolutely puzzled. "I couldn't hate you even if I tried."

You inhaled so sharply that you almost choked on air. You laughed it off, though Izzy instinctively placed his arm on the small of your back, tracing small patterns into it. With this, you collapsed into his arms and he was already set up to catch you. Sobs escaped your lips as he moved one of his hands to the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair in an attempt to hopefully soothe you. These weren't instincts he was familiar with, yet, he felt as if he was meant to do these things. "You can tell me. Take your time, of course," he assured you as you continued to cry. After a moment, you managed to compose yourself a bit and you felt okay enough to pull away, but Izzy kept his hands on your upper arms gently, just in case. He was really starting to grow concerned, his stomach churning.

"You won't hate me?"

Izzy laughed, to which you managed the smallest of smiles. "I could never."

"I...I feel very connected to you, Izzy," you began. "And our conversations have really confirmed that for me. I don't just think about you at night before we talk—do you know that? You are the first thing that enters my mind each morning and then I can't wait to see you, really see you and talk to you and be close to you. And some days on this ship are hard, Izzy, but you make things so much easier. You take so much weight off of my shoulders."

"The thought of getting to talk to you gets me out of bed every day," Izzy admitted. "I've been doing this a long time and sometimes I don't know what it's all for anymore, why I even bother. But if I get to see your smile, it's all worth it."

You swore you were about to become a blubbering mess if you opened your mouth to speak at all. As you took a step forward towards him, your fingers intertwining as you approached. His other hand gently landed upon your waist, and your eyes met at the same second. The gap between you both was too much, too much, and neither of you could take its existence anymore—he gently reeled you in and you pressed your lips against his. He quietly gasped in surprise, though it was quickly followed by a sort of sigh of relief as he returned your kiss, returned your sentiments. You smiled against his lips and he couldn't help but do the same, there was no denying that your smile was contagious. He felt as if he were meant to do this, meant to show you such tenderness and care and love. And you would do anything in your power to show him that he was worthy of all of yours.

"I..." Izzy whispered against your lips. "I love you." The words almost got stuck in his throat—they felt unfamiliar, and unfamiliar was rarely not terrifying or dreadful. Right now, unfamiliar was exhilarating. Those three words were the truest he had ever spoken. You lit up more than the sun, the stars, and the moon combined.

"I love you, Israel." You had saved those three words for someone special, someone whom you truly adored without any question, and Izzy happened to be that someone. Anyone else would never, ever compare. He engulfed you in another embrace, your shirt becoming slightly stained by his tears. "I was meant to."

"Meant to what?"

"I was meant to love you. Made for it, probably," you laughed.

Izzy took hold of your hand once again, disentangling himself from your embrace to face you. With his free hand, he cupped your cheek and his thumb caressed it softly. "I think perhaps the moon knew to bring us together. But I loved...I loved you even before then. Or at least, I had a strong feeling I was going to. That, I'm certain about."

"Think we still have some time before everyone notices we're gone?" you asked, hope wavering in your voice.

"Oh, we've got ample long as they're at Spanish Jackie's," he couldn't help but chuckle. "We've got all the time in the world, my love."

"All of the time in the world," you repeated. "I love the sound of that."

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #izzy hands x reader #ofmd season 2 #x reader #izzy hands my beloved #ofmd s2 #fanfic #ofmd izzy hands #tumblr deleted the ending the first time so please bear with me #keep the requests coming #please request #requests are open #requests open #israel hands #israel hands imagine

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whiskeynwriting · 9 months

Text

Pretty Boy

John “Soap” McTavish x Scottish!Female Reader

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Word Count: 8.1k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI)

Alcohol consumption, size kink for SURE, oral sex (f receiving, brief mention of m receiving), squirting, PDA, fluffiessss, aftercare, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, some hair pulling (baby boy receiving), biting/marking, possessive Johnny (BABY)

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A/N: Johnny is younger here and early in his military life, maybe two-ish years 🥰 There’s also some Scottish Gaelic in here! As always, with the translations (:

Thank you @thesleepingmusicneek for beta-reading once again 😊

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It’s comforting, coming here, especially under the pretense of genuine fun. No longer visiting just to drink away your worries, indulging to simply forget. No, the first six months were filled with that, and afterwards, you’d had enough. You needed to live.

Pushing yourself to be active within your town’s nightlife was difficult at first. Before he left, there wasn’t a night where you’d make an appearance here without him. That extroverted energy was so abundant that it flowed to you, too. But being here alone is nice, it’s new, and serves as a fairly decent distraction. It’s also helped you cope with meeting new people, friends and those with the possibility of being something more. You’ve yet to entertain that idea yet, though, the… something more. That, you still couldn’t get past.

“Hey, love! Drinking tonight?”

“Why else would I be here?” Returning with your own question, the bartender grins.

With a shrug, Duncan responds, “Could be my good looks.”

“Yeah, yer bum’s oot the windae.” In short, yeah right. He often made you laugh, always being one to joke. “I’ll have some Scotch.” And just as he walks away, you specify, “Speyside.”

The atmosphere is lively tonight, as it often was on a Friday. In this particular pub, the lights dimmed when night rolled around, offering a moody ambiance. The music didn’t slow, though, the band only continued the same spirited songs. Here, you felt welcomed, you felt like you belonged. Surrounded by your heritage, traditional tunes and familiar faces, tart liquor and raucous voices. Smiling and conversing with your friends came easy, the small town allowing you to know just about everybody in the vicinity.

Friends from secondary school were enough of a distraction, pulling you aside for shots and dances. Even strangers made their way into your groups, becoming kin by the night’s end.

“His name’s Alex!”

Glancing over at the red-haired man, you force a smile on your lips. “Good to know.”

“He’s fancied you for a while, ya know.”

“Yeah, I know…” It couldn’t be more obvious, and neither could your disinterest.

The mere thought of fucking another man was honestly repulsing to you. And sure, you don’t have to fuck him, but that’s certainly where any night with Alex will head. Besides, you’re still so used to him, your Johnny. It hasn’t even been that long since you last had him. Longer than usual, but short enough to still remember.

“I’m gonna, uh…” Eyes darting to the side, you gulp. “Go to the bathroom.”

She feels bad, your friend, knowing she pressured you a bit. But she can’t help it, she just wants you to get over him. And everyone here agrees. There’s little chance of him coming back, you should just get used to that. And maybe you will, in your own time.

With slow steps, you take your time getting to the washroom, trying your best to keep your spirits light. It’s a night out, after all, this should be fun. And it was before that eejit came along to ruin it. He didn’t even do anything but he honestly doesn’t have to. He’s made enough unwelcome advances to deter you.

Just as you’re beginning to dwell in your sadness, you pass by the wall of polaroids lining this short hallway. It was Duncan’s idea, taking photos of all the regular patrons. Instantly, you’re drawn toward the picture of both you and him, that night a memory you still hold dearly to your chest. The pair of you look like absolute fools, you’re surprised you remember anything from that night.

“Now, right now!”

Your ribs ached from laughter as he pulled you in his direction, stumbling over your own feet like a little baby.

“Wait!” A hiccup popped from your throat, which made Johnny snicker. “I’m fair puckled!” Holding your stomach, you took in a few lungfuls of air, regaining your breath. But Johnny didn’t care.

“C’mon, bonnie.” He insisted, hauling an arm around your shoulder.

With your chuckles subsiding, you stood beside him, posing for Duncan to take your picture. Reaching down, Johnny grabbed your jaw with his dominant hand, pinching your cheeks and bringing your head closer to him. Your hands clinged to his side as he placed a sloppy kiss to your cheek, and that’s just when the photo was taken. Johnny all over you, pressing his lips to your face while your eyes pinched shut with a happy grin.

“My sweet bonnie.” He always said.

After your trip, you return to the bar, sick and tired of dancing and interacting. Inside, you’re not sure how to feel. The memories you have of Johnny are bittersweet. So much love and friendship, for all of it to dissipate into simply… nothing. Or at least, that’s what your friends would have you believe.

“Two glasses of Scotch, Dunc.”

As soon as that voice hits the air, your eyes widen, instantly flashing over to Duncan’s. While towel-drying one of the bsr’s glasses, he grins, giving you a knowing nod.

“Speyside.” The voice then specifies, finally prompting you to turn your head.

And standing beside you, leaning against the bar’s edge, is a taller, broad man. Arms lined with tan and sculpted muscles, smile bright and blue eyes even brighter. But the part that stands out the most, the part that makes him… him, is that longer stripe of hair running across the top of his head.

“Johnny!” Squealing his name, you throw yourself into his arms, already open and waiting.

“Bonnie,” That deep chuckle vibrates through his chest and into your own, smile growing evermore. The familiar scent of sweet patchouli wafts from his body, chiseled muscles holding you against his chest. Your entire body tenses with excitement, butterflies erupting in your belly when he tucks his head into your neck - he still loves me.

“You’re back.” Your tone wavers a bit as you say it, feeling his nose nuzzle lightly against your skin. Lifting your hand, your fingers brush through the longer air at the nape of his neck, standing on your tip-toes to fully encircle your arms around him. His body feels firm, sturdy and muscular, even more so than before.

“Yeah,” He says with a soft voice, rubbing your back fondly. “Few months late, but who’s countin’?”

Leaning back, you scoff, giving his hardened chest a little smack. “Me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Johnny quips, rolling his eyes as he pulls you back in. “All in the past. I’m home now, baby.”

With the way you’re speaking to each other, you’d think you were still together. But that’s not how things are, not anymore. Not… officially. But with him returning home every six months, you’d come to expect these “surprise” arrivals.

“I was starting to think you’d never come back.” Admitting quietly, you release a contented breath. This time around, six months turned to ten, and your hopes were quickly deflated. And the advice and comments of your friends didn’t help.

“Hey,” He chastises lightly, frowning. “Don’t give up on me that easily.”

Sliding the glasses onto the bartop, Duncan pushes one toward you, and one toward him. With stars in your eyes, you watch Johnny lift the glass, Adam’s apple bobbing as he takes a swig. His biceps flex slightly as he lifts and lowers the cup, the gray fabric around his midsection hugging him tightly. The way his dark jeans tighten around his hips and ass also draws your attention, already obsessed with him all over again. And that mohawk, that signature look all gelled up and styled. A fairly new hairdo he’s kept for nearly a year now, and you’d be lying to say you don’t fancy it.

Taking a seat beside you at the bar, Johnny converses with Duncan, catching up with his old friend. And Lord, all you can do is stare; how you missed him. Even after so many months apart, you find him captivating - that dazzling smile, those beautiful, bright blue eyes. How could one man be so goddamn handsome? So pretty?

“Been keeping after her while I’m gone, Dunc?” Johnny quips, eyeing you from the side.

“Aye,” He nods, chuckling. “She’s been sendin’ all the boys home with their tails between their legs.”

“Ohh,” Fully turning toward you, he raises his brows. “Have you now?”

The boy's small compliments make a light heat warm your cheeks, and Johnny can tell. Reaching out, he taps your chin, giving you a small wink.

“Can’t blame them for tryin’ though, can I? Still just as beautiful, lass…” Leaning forward, he smooths his dominant hand over the top of your thigh, adding in with a quieter tone, “And just as fit.”

Your jaw drops into a wide grin, scoffing. “John Malcolm.” Scolding him playfully, you reach out, tapping the bulging muscle of his arm. And you suddenly find yourself wishing to touch it, hold his arm and squeeze it.

Duncan leaves the two of you be, knowing how long you’ve waited for this. He’s honestly the only one that still held out hope. The rest of your friends take account of Johnny’s presence, choosing to stay to themselves, as well. Looks like they were proven wrong.

“So, is life better in the military?” There’s a bit of humor in your voice, and a dash of flirtation on your lips. And while you try to make yourself seem confident and enticing, the fact that his hand still hasn’t moved from your thigh has you melting.

He shrugs, smiling. “I think so, yeah. Still missin’ you, though, lass.”

“Yeah, sure.” Looking back down at your glass, the warmth in your cheeks has now spread to your ears and neck. You hope he’s telling the truth. “What’s your rank now?”

“Corporal.” Pride positively blooms within him, happy that you asked. “Hoping to rise to Sergeant.”

“Impressive.” Tilting your head, you offer him a cheeky expression, eyeing him up and down.

“Still like what you see?” Johnny teases, fingers stroking the fabric of your jeans.

“Very much so.” It’s like every time he came home, he was that much bigger, that much stronger. It might sound silly, maybe even primitive, but Johnny seemed like such a man now. You’ve seen him grow since primary school, nearly your entire childhood spent together. And to see how he’s grown, it’s not only impressive, it’s wildly attractive.

There’s nothing more Johnny missed from civilian life than you, and that’s the truth. But when he was on base and training, he didn’t have much time to think about you. Mainly, these thoughts came into his mind at night, when he was lonely, or horny. A lot of the time, both.

Round after round, Johnny pays for your drinks, not letting you out of his sight. He’s scooted his seat closer to yours to where your legs are touching, his hand still on your thigh. Every now and then, he’s squeezing it, movements becoming firmer and firmer until he’s leaning in toward your cheek. Sloppily, he kisses your skin, pressing his lips into the plumpness of your cute cheek while grinning. He’s just so in love with you, and he doesn’t even know it.

“Johnny,” Laughing, your body tingles with happiness.

“Wha?” He questions, not backing away even a single inch. “Not want me to? Got some other lad’s eyes on you?”

“Fuck no.” Instantly, you’re turning your head to face him. “Only you.”

Those azure eyes flutter between your own eager orbs and your slightly parted lips, allowing your hands to lift to his face and bring him in. Familiar lips meet in the middle, pressing fondly together, one warm hand rising to your cheek as he moves with your kiss. This is so easy, comforting. There’s excitement to it for sure, but nothing entirely new. You’re falling into him, into his endless embrace.

“Missed you,” He whispers, mouthing at you. “Thought about you.”

At this point, you’re not even worried about anyone else seeing your overt public displays of affection. You kiss him like it’s an addiction, tongue slipping across his lower lip when you hear his sweet admission.

There’s something about you that lights a fire in his depths. He knows who you are, just as stunning on the inside as you are on the out. Not only are you a pretty little thing, with gorgeous hair and a smile that could kill, but you’re sexy as all hell, too. You’re the hottest fucking thing he’s ever seen, even throughout his teen years, his life in the military, he’s never met anyone that even compares. And he can’t get enough of you, can’t believe you fell for him, too.

He’s not sure when he’ll tell you, if he’ll tell you, but he keeps a small booklet of pictures with you in it. No longer than a day or so goes by without him looking at it, and he’s thrilled to see that the real image is still better than the photos. At times, while laying in his cot at night, he wonders if someone else has finally gotten a hold of you, has finally swooped in and taken advantage of his absence. And clearly, others have tried, but you haven’t let them. They're not him.

Swallowing, you take in a short breath, eager to ask him your usual question. “Are you spending the night?”

Just like always, he responds with, “Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”

By the time your feet are hitting the pavement, it’s late, the night growing chilly. But you can barely feel it, what with the energy rolling through your body. And the heat from Johnny’s hand only comforts you further, palm dwarfing your own with thick fingers wrapping around your much smaller ones.

“You been lonesome while I’m gone?” His tone hints at a bit of sarcasm, but you know there’s genuine curiosity behind it.

“Mostly.” And when he hears the sincerity in your voice, he’s pulling his hand away from yours and looping that same arm around your shoulders. Here, he pulls you in, giving the side of your head a kiss.

“I’m here, now.”

“Only for a little bit.” You grumble in response, only slightly tipsy. Maybe more.

Johnny’s quiet for a moment, sighing. “Don’t worry about that.” He’ll talk to you about it later.

Glancing over at you, he peers down, his height giving him quite the advantage when looking down your already low shirt. Your cleavage damn near makes him drool, forcing a rush of blood to the sensitive space beneath his pants. And he thinks he’s being sly about it until you look up with a smirk.

“Still fancy me that much, Johnny?” Again, you’re trying to act cocky, display your confidence to him. But on the inside, you’re burning up. All you want is for him to compliment and praise you, make you feel small and warm beneath him, just like he used to. And he knows that.

Turning, Johnny pushes himself against you, leading you backward into one of the side alleys along the street. It takes your breath away, a small gasp puffing past your lips when your back hits the brick. With his hands falling to your outer arms, Johnny releases a heavy breath, head ducking down toward your mouth. Meeting him halfway, you tilt your chin up, feeling the crash of his lips. One of those broad palms finds its way to your jaw, holding you in place while he licks over your lips. His movements are much more passionate than before, back when he kissed you in the bar. It feels hurried and heated, like he needed you right here and now.

“Of course I do.” He says between breaths, mouth opening to slide against your own.

His lips are soft and smooth, the taste of his tongue sweet like candy. And these sloppy kisses are John’s forte, all tongue and spit and it’s all so familiar to you. Heart jumping against your ribs, you feel Johnny’s free hand find your chest, softly massaging your tits.

“John,” Exhaling airily, you reach up with both hands, sliding them over his wide shoulders.

“Wearin’ such a low shirt, lass.” He whispers into your ear, lips brushing against the skin.

It makes you feel vulnerable, the way his hand sneaks beneath the fabric, brushing your shirt up just a pinch within the alley’s darkness. Here, he cups you over your bra, fingers massaging you firmly.

“Missed these.” Mouthing at your neck, he hears you whine when his teeth drag across the crux of it, tongue laving over the hot skin. And he makes his own strangled noise when your nails dig into the back of his neck.

“You’re so much bigger…” Whispering as if you’d be heard, you mumble against his lips, fingers reaching for the longer hair at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah?” That surely strokes his ego, pretty grin shining in the moonlight.

“Mhm,” Nodding, you bring him in again, laying your tongue out into his mouth.

“Christ,” He shivers, bicep bulging as his hand cups your face. “Let’s get you home.”

Dizzily, you stumble after him, feeling the firm pull of his hand in yours once again. With a lovesick grin on your face, you let Johnny lead you back to your flat. And the rest of the walk is easy enough, only being a few more blocks.

With a smirk, his hand slides into the back pocket of your jeans, fishing out your keys. Unlocking your door, his hand on your lower back guides you inside, shutting it in an instant. With already half-lidded eyes, he turns to you, licking his lower lip and reaching for you again. This time, your back meets the wall with a much softer embrace, Johnny’s arms looping around your midsection. Hands lowering, he finds the curves of your perfect backside, squeezing you gently while his lips return to you.

Here, in the comfort of your home, John begins to consume you, soft and slow. With one, passionate grab on your ass, he’s moaning, hot breath washing over your features. Trailing your fingers up, they tangle into the strands near the back of his neck, and he groans. Your nails scratch lightly over his skin, fingers pulling gently on his hair.

“Yeah…” Johnny’s liquor-soaked tongue continues to refamiliarize itself with your own, mouthing at you with sloppy licks and sucks. “Miss your fingers on me.”

“Miss feeling you, baby.” It’s like he gets more fit every time you see him, muscles expanding, body growing. His firm chest and stomach, strong back and arms, and that pretty face. “Johnny,”

Before you can speak any further, the hand not on your face falls to your jeans, cupping you eagerly. It forces a gasp from your mouth, immediately swallowed by him.

“Wanna taste you, bonnie.”

“Ugh,” Rolling your eyes up, your head falls back onto the wall as he begins sliding down. You were wondering when he’d ask.

This, in your opinion, is what he was best at. Sex with Johnny was always intense, passionate and heated, whether it was slow or fast. But using his mouth, that’s definitely his most valuable weapon.

Thick fingers undo the button on your jeans, opening your zipper to reveal your purple, cotton panties. And he moans audibly, fully settling on his knees so he can lean in to kiss them. Soft lips press to your covered mound, your hands falling naturally to his head.

“Sweetest taste,” He mumbles, mouthing at the fabric and pushing your jeans down to your ankles. Hooking his fingers into the hemline of your panties, you feel his tongue lave over the fabric, just barely separated from him.

“Johnny… please.”

He doesn’t listen, nor does he respond; he’s going at his own pace.

The humid fan of Johnny’s breath wafts across your smooth skin, pooling your panties on the ground, just above your jeans. Tilting your head down, you become still, waiting for his movement. With your fingers sifting through the longer stripe of hair at the top of his head, he leans in, sticking his tongue out and running it up your seam to poke teasingly at the peak of your sex.

“B-Baby,”

The excitement that shoots through your body is addicting, feeling him lick tenderly at the crease between your outer lips, tongue diving deeper with every stroke. He can’t fully get to you from this angle, not in the way he wants to, but he likes this. The teasing nature of it is getting him harder than ever, tip already leaking in his pants. So, he licks into you, fingers pressing into your thighs as he begins to pull them apart. Well, as much as he can while your feet are still trapped in your pants.

“John…” Already fisting his mohawk, you wiggle your feet, trying to ask him to take them off the rest of the way.

Hurriedly, he gives in, breaths heavy and fast as he removes your shoes, jeans, and panties from your feet. Quickly tossing them further behind his knelt form, he returns, forcing one of your legs up onto his shoulder. The strength behind his movements has you inhaling sharply, your calf draping down his back as he moves in. Instantly, he’s stuffing his tongue inside, licking directly into your channel. The way his tongue strokes you is languid, firm, caressing your inner skin fondly.

The feeling of being exposed in your own home is foreign to you, your legs open wide for him in the middle of your entryway. But you’re getting used to this again, used to him.

Flattening his tongue, he rubs it up your lips until he reaches your clit, the talented muscle swirling around it. Pausing, Johnny takes a beat to suck two fingers into his mouth before prodding the tips of them at your center.

“Yes,” Shoving your hips toward him, the back of your head hits the wall again, pulling him in by his pretty brown hair.

Smoothly, his fingers sink into you, your soldier moaning from the sting of your fingers and nails. From the moment he got his mouth on you, his receptive buds tingled from your taste. How he fucking missed it. He’d reminisce on these moments back on base, mouth watering from the memory of your taste. It made him drool, saliva currently pooling from the corners of his mouth. Sloppily, it runs down his chin, listening to the wet squelch of your cunt as it sucks his fingers in again and again. He pumps them into you steadily, beginning to curl them when hitting deep.

Lowering his tongue, he laps at your wet folds before returning to suck your engorged clitoris into his mouth. He suckles on it, whimpering softly when you buck your hips against him. With his free hand, he urges you on, cupping and squeezing your ass to push you further toward him.

“Oh my god, yes.” Rolling your hips, you grind yourself down onto his face, feeling his short stubble scratch along the insides of your thighs.

He lets you ride his face, rutting over his mouth like it’s the last time you’ll ever get the chance to. Continuing to mouth at your juicy pleasure center, Johnny moans roughly against you, listening to your own wanton breaths.

While prodding at your core, he hits something special, shooting euphoria throughout your entire body. It forces your pelvis forward, body chasing its high. You can feel it rising, the heat coiling in your belly.

“Bleedin’ Jesus,” Johnny exhales, eyes closed as he devours you. “Dripping on my face, lass.”

“Johnny,” Whining above his kneeling form makes him grin, a low groan emanating from his chest.

“Give it to me,” He suddenly demands, voice lower and more authoritative. “Right in my mouth.”

His words have you quivering, stomach muscles convulsing as you curl down toward him. A shrill gasp spills from your mouth, watching those dazzling azure eyes open to stare up at you from between your legs. Punching his fingers into your cunt, the hot air of his moans floats directly over you, soaking into your skin. And then he’s opening his mouth, just as you begin to gush.

“John,” Your hips flinch from the force of it, Johnny’s free hand holding you up against the wall. His hand grips your waist, fingers bruising your skin.

Pleasure bursts through your body, shivering from your hips all the way up to your chest. And he holds you through it, through every twitch and quiver, through every high whine and tiny whimper. And Johnny just adores the way you hold onto him, fisting his hair while you ride out your high on his handsome face.

Johnny’s mouth remains open against your cunt, fingers slowing their pace as he swallows down your cum. Breath escaping him, he gives in to the incredible pulse below his belt, hips jerking ever so slightly. Dragging his fingers from your center, he drops his shoulder, allowing your leg to slide off of him. And then he’s standing, pressing his body against you before grabbing onto your face. In a much hungrier pace than before, he kisses you, holding the hinge of your jaw open and moaning when you let him lick inside.

Still dizzy from your high, you can just barely make out the wetness on his skin, your slick covering his lips and chin and cheeks. The taste of your release lingers on his tongue, lips sloppy as he swaps his spit with your own.

Something about Johnny coming home to have the sweetest, nastiest sex of his life just felt invigorating to you. Every time, it’s just as good as the last, if not even better.

“Fuck me,” That thick, deep voice, it gets you every time.

In the heat of it all, Johnny’s hands are lowering to your thighs, lifting you up and wrapping your legs around his toned waist. Clinging to the sturdiness of his body, you hold his beautiful face, bringing his mouth back to you while he begins rolling his hips between your legs. Johnny’s moans, soft and sweet, a genuine melody, flow freely into the surrounding air while he grinds against you. He lets you lead the kiss, focusing on himself for just a minute. The wetness from your cunt wets the front of his pants, girth twitching beneath its confines. Desperately, he rubs himself against you, head lowering to rest against your neck. From the noises he’s making, the intense grunts and groans, you’d think he was fully fucking you.

“Johnny, baby,” You can feel him throbbing against your naked skin, and you want him. “Please.”

Allowing your entire weight to fall onto him, he picks you up from the wall, turning to stride toward your bedroom. Nothing about your flat has changed, not a single detail amiss since he last saw it. At times, he thinks of this place as his own home. Sure, he visits family, his mom, his sisters, but this is where he stays. Here, with you.

Kicking your door the rest of the way open, he walks inside, mouthing along the slope of your neck. He listens to your girlish sigh as he lays you on your bed, lifting your shirt off in the process. And you expect him to lay over you, return his attention to you, but he doesn’t. Standing at his full height, Johnny rips off his shirt before those strong hands fall to his zipper and belt.

Left in only your bra, you watch him, lifting yourself up onto your forearms to lean back against them. In his hurry, he doesn’t see your wanting stare. But upon realization of it, he grins.

“Look any different from the last time?” He asks, cocky as ever.

“Always.” Reaching out, you lay a hand across his abdomen, more defined than it was almost a year ago.

Johnny’s abs made your mouth fucking water, his toned muscles and firm pecs. And his v-line, fuck did that get you going. Hair scatters his entire abdomen and it just makes you want to lick him. He’s so well-built, so pretty and fit. He’s just so perfect.

Sitting upright, you lean in, hands falling to his sides as your lips find his skin. Warm and smooth beneath your mouth, you kiss him, tongue laying out to lick along the lines of definition.

“Christ, I missed you.” Shaking his head, he runs a hand over your hair, admiring you.

He hadn’t finished undoing his pants, so you take up the task yourself. His belt is easy enough, granting you access to his zipper. Sliding it down, you’re greeted with navy blue boxers, the front dampened from his excitement.

“You want it?” Johnny whispers, staring down at you with lidded eyes, petting your hair.

Your answer comes in the form of your next action, pulling him gently from his boxers. In your hand, he’s warm, thick and heavy. A glistening drop of precum falls from his tip, your thumb catching it before rubbing over his sensitive skin.

“Later,” He then decides, licking his lower lip with a swallow. “You can spoil me tomorrow.”

“What if I want to now?” Your voice is tender and sweet, eyes peeking up at him.

“You don’t have a choice.” Grinning widely, he dips down toward you, taking your chin in his hand.

Rising with his gentle tug, you return to your feet, leaning up into his kiss. Pressing into you, Johnny pushes your body onto the bed, lips never leaving. Easily, his hands slide around your back, undoing the clips of your bra while he moves to mouth at your neck.

“Let me see ‘em,” He whispers, dragging the edge of his teeth over your collarbone.

He drags the straps down your arms, discarding the last piece of clothing carelessly onto the floor. Your room is dark, the light switches empty of touch. But Johnny can still see you, the streetlamp outside your window illuminating his view.

While caressing your waist with those strong, calloused hands, Johnny stares at your chest. That warm tongue makes a home for itself between your breasts, licking up the sweet valley of your cleavage. Breathing steadily, you let him enjoy you like this, indulging in you all over again. Turning his head, he sucks on the slopes of them, teasing his tongue around your nipple until you whine.

“Baby, come oonnn.”

With a smirk, he’s wrapping his lips around one of your pebbled peaks, smooshing his face against your soft flesh. He sucks on you tenderly, lips moving in little, pulsing motions. Every now and then, his tongue will come out, laying flat against you. And the best thing about this, were the sounds he made. Boyish moans fall from his lips as he continues, completely losing himself in this.

Slowly, your legs wrap around his naked waist, warm and firm against your thighs as you pull him further in. The second you feel the weight of him hit your inner thigh, you’re releasing an airy gasp, feeling his shaft slide between your exposed lips.

“Oh, Christ…” Dropping his forehead down, he rests it against the center of your chest. Nestled between your velvety folds, he twitches, stomach muscles tightening with excitement.

With careful motions, he moves his hips, sliding himself against your entrance but not yet diving in. His stiffened length prompts your body’s aroused reaction, wetness coating his shaft while the noise of it spills into the room. Back and forth, his hips sway, listening to your timid breaths, your gorgeous body shuddering every time he runs over the peak of your sex.

“I just wanna lose myself in you…” Johnny whispers into the darkness fondly, tip catching at your entrance.

While your breasts offer him a comfortable resting place, he wants to be closer to you, closer to that pretty face. So, he lifts his head, pressing his hairline against your temple as he begins to slide in. Smooth and slow, he breaches you, one of your arms looping around his neck for support while your other hand grabs at his bicep. In unison, your lips part, moans slipping between the nonexistent space between the two of you.

The stretch is gentle, welcoming. There’s just something so specific about this, about the way you open up for him, the way your sex overtly accepts him. You welcome him in like you’ve been waiting for this very moment since the last time he left, which isn’t far from the truth.

Burying himself entirely in your tight heat, he throbs forcefully, uncontrollably. Once his pelvis meets your own, spreading your legs even further around him, your fingers find his hair once again. Running your digits through that feathery stripe of hair makes him sigh, a happy smile blooming right beside your cheek.

“Mm…” Johnny hums pleasantly, nose rubbing against you ever so gently. He could be so sweet, he was always sweet.

The hairs at his base scratch kindly at your delicate skin, your very center fluttering from the contact. Pressing further between your legs, John grinds himself into you, kissing your cheek while you adjust to his size. You’ve taken him countless times and still, his girth always seemed to surprise you. Even more satisfying was his length, never ceasing to hit the deepest parts of you.

“You always feel so good, mo leannan…” You’re whispering to him, the Gaelic words making his heart beat with overwhelming affection. (My sweetheart)

“I come back for you,” He suddenly says, huffing out a harsh breath. “Every time, it’s for you.”

When he says this, he begins to move, creating a steady yet languid pace. Upon his first reentry, he groans openly into your ear, that deep voice creating the loveliest sounds. Johnny’s moans were always so beautiful, not too rushed or frantic, but smooth and deep.

Lovingly, his head ducks down to your neck, reveling in the way you hold onto him. One of the things Johnny enjoys most about sex is the closeness, the body heat. The hand you had on his bicep loops beneath his arm, scratching slightly at his back while your other arm stays wrapped around his neck. You can feel every bit of him this way, every flexing muscle, every firm plane of skin.

“Jesus,” Your lover grunts, left hand sliding up the mattress to hold the back of your head.

Hot and clenching, you pull him in, stroke after stroke. And it’s killing him. You feel ethereal, like everything he needs, everything he’s been missing.

Hitting a particularly sensitive spot, you cry out a bit louder for him, soft moans turning into high whines and little whimpers. Fingernails dig into his sculpted back, feeling Johnny angle his hips just right.

“Yeah, right there…” Mumbling into your neck, he mouths at you, wrapping his right arm around your lower back. Here, he lifts your hips, encouraging you to meet his thrusts. And you instantly do.

With one arm holding your back, and the other beneath your head, he keeps you close to him, chests pressing together, stomach rubbing against the other’s. Already, he feels flush, panting and moaning from the way your entire body squeezes him, especially when your ankles hook around his lower back. That turns him wild, fucking himself into you like he’ll never get the chance to again, pressing his lips to your cheek before moving his head to find your lips.

“J-John, baby…” The small whimpers slipping past your lips prompts a certain cluster of emotions to form within him. You’re so special to him, so sweet and delicate, his perfect lass. And all at once, regret swirls inside his gut, regret for leaving you, for not taking care of you. He wants to, wants to give you everything he can, and he hasn’t been doing that.

Thrusting into you without abandon forces the breath from his lungs, breathing into your space, feeling your own wafts of warm air. Your kisses are passionate, gasps falling into the other’s mouth while your tongues dance together in messy patterns. It’s intoxicating, this feeling with him, the sensation you create when together.

Strong hips continue to pump his swollen length into you, head hitting the deepest parts of your being, shaft keeping you spread.

“Don’t, don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.” The way you sound, it’s everything he’s dreamed of since being gone.

“Beautiful fuckin’ thing,” He suddenly huffs, shaking his head. His eyes don’t open as he speaks, entirely lost in the feeling of you. “Mine, always mine. No matter where I go, how long it’s been…”

“Johnny…” There hasn’t been a moment during his past visits where he’s admitted something like this. It was too hard to admit while he was constantly away. You both agreed to part ways, ending your “official” relationship. And even though he always returns to you, it’s never prompted a continuation of what you once had.

Before you can register what’s happening, he’s pulling out of you and planting his hands on your hips. Flipping you onto your stomach, he slides back in, earning a shrill gasp from your end. With his hands flat on the bed, his hips bounce against your ass, breaths punching from his chest. Something comes over him, he can feel it and you can, too. Leaning down, Johnny’s mouth finds your skin, biting at your back. What first appears as gentle nips turn into mouthfuls of skin, digging his teeth in hard enough to leave marks - you’re his. The subtle sting, the rush of adrenaline it creates, it’s overwhelming. From this angle, he feels even bigger than before, the slap of his pelvis against your backside ringing throughout your bedroom. Leaning further in, Johnny kisses along your shoulder and neck, your skin wet from him and your own sweat. And then his dominant hand is sliding across your hip, lowering to grab a fistful of your ass.

Caressing his forehead against the back of your neck, he whispers, “Bonnie bell,” Entirely out of breath, Johnny admits again, “I missed you.”

Reaching around, you fist the hair along the back of his head, dry moans scratching their way through your throat. Shakily, you respond, “I n-need you.”

“You have me,” He’s confident in promising this to you. “You have me, baby.”

The sweet moment fades when you feel him throb against your inner walls, shoving your face down into the pillows as you whimper for him.

“So fuckin’ wet…” John whispers, eyes closed as he begins to feel that dull heat rise within his depths.

“Will you cum? Inside me?” He can barely hear you, your voice muffled by the pillows. But he answers anyway.

“Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”

As soon as you ask, he feels it hit him, that powerful wave of pleasure. It wreaks havoc on Johnny’s body, convulsing above you as he drops to your back. His hips twitch from pleasure, shaking with every milky rope that spurts from him. And once his chest hits your back, he’s wrapping his arms around you again, pulling you impossibly close, clinging to you in an almost painfully tight embrace.

Your fingers massage his head sweetly, stroking through his hair kindly. His mouth falls openly against your neck, soft and damp. John’s body is hot above your own, his warmth leaking into you with every one of his euphoric moans. He feels the pleasure of it fill every limb, every vein; this type of high, it’s nowhere else he can find.

It’s ages before he’s pulling out, allowing himself to soften inside your sickeningly sweet pussy. His mouth drags across the entirety of your neck, your shoulders and back, releasing soft moans as he displays his adoration for you. Dropping to your backside, he mouths at it, finally able to worship his most adored feature on you. With both hands, he grabs you, massages you and pulls you apart while licking up the curves. Johnny sucks his mark onto you, planting a deep bruise. And while it’s erotic, it’s sensual, too. Deeply sweet in his own way.

“Mo ghrádh…” A jolt thrums throughout your chest when you hear him speak these simple words. My love.

“You stay.” He then says to you softly, turning to leave the room. And you know exactly what he’s doing. And when he’s back, he’s instructing gently, “Up.”

Smiling, you lift your hips for him, feeling the cool wipe of a cloth between your legs. Every time, without fail, he’d clean you, show his gratitude in this way. And while he knew you went to the bathroom after you two were done, he still wanted to do this for you. Even while you were busy doing that, he took your water bottle from your nightstand, filling it before putting it back. He just wants to make you comfortable, wants you to know you’re cared for. And by the time you came back, you were met with the sight of your Johnny baby, your pretty boy, all cuddled up in your bed.

“C’mere,” He calls quietly, a sleepy smile on his lips as he lifts the covers.

Hopping eagerly into bed, you cuddle happily within the embrace of Johnny’s strong arms. Wrapping around you, he pulls you in, allowing you to relax against his chest. You always snuggled this way, facing each other, heads resting against the other’s as you dozed off together. And he finds himself feeling the most at peace this way, in these moments. There wasn’t a time he felt closer to you.

It was something he always liked, something that made him smile and giggle. The way your hands caressed his head, fingers sliding up through his tall strands as you styled them, it just made him so happy. With his new profession, Johnny felt the need to be serious almost constantly. He had an image to uphold, after all. He’s the best at what he does, and is only continuing to sharpen his skills. But with you, he could let go. He could be himself again. And the real Johnny, he was goofy. He was silly and sweet, curious about the world with a childlike innocence that made your heart flutter with emotion.

“I’ve heard this one so many times.” Whispering, your smile forms fondly in the early morning light.

Raking your fingers through Johnny’s hair, you pause to scoop a bit more gel from the jar, styling his mohawk. Sitting comfortably on his lap, Johnny rests back against the headboard of your bed, watching you work with a sleepy grin. Both of those kind hands run up and down your thighs, squeezing you every now and then.

“It’s one of my favorites.” He says, replying to your comment about the song he’d put on.

Just inches from his beautiful face, you feel the breath of his words form along your lips; prompting you to ask kindly, “Doesn’t it get boring, though? Listening to the same songs over and over again?”

“Nah,” He grins, shaking his head but stopping when you frown at him, your fingers stilling in his longer locks. “All the best ones remind me of you.”

“Johnny,” You reply, touched by his admission. But he just shrugs.

“I see you in all my favorite songs.”

He’d woken up beside you this morning, limbs tangled with yours, the taste of your cunt still on his tongue. And he reveled in that, the sensation nurturing his already rising erection, the one that rose nearly every morning. But most important about this morning, was the fact that he gets to spend it with you.

Since highschool, you’d been inseparable. Lovebirds since you were fifteen, stealing glances at each other until he got the nerve to make a real move. And after that, you were hooked. Even when he left, after so many years together, he was never truly out of your head. From the first time you met, the first time you held hands, the first time you kissed… everything was special from the very moment you laid your eyes on him. This is the most intricate, romantic, and passionate relationship either of you had been in.

It haunted you, watching him leave and knowing that your sweet boy, your Johnny baby, was going off to train and fight. And most importantly, leave you. But you can’t think about that, not when he’s right here with you.

“Mo ghrádh…” He mutters again, staring up at you with absolute adoration.

All you do is smile at those words, shaking your head with slight disbelief. But he wants more, he’s calling for your attention.

“Sweet cailín,” Johnny coos, both hands lifting to your cheeks. (Sweet girl)

“What, baby?” Your voice is just as small and sweet as his when you respond.

Bringing you in with a gentle pull, Johnny reunites your lips, the kiss tender and brief. But then another follows, and another, until you’re molding yourself to him all over again.

“Have you had anyone inside you, bonnie?” He suddenly asks, the question entirely unexpected. “Since I last left?” It’s said quietly, carefully; he’s afraid of the answer, but is quickly reassured.

“No.” Holding onto him with your arms looped around his neck, you give him your full attention, having completely forgotten about his hair. “Only you, Johnny.”

“Really?”

“Yes… have… have you?”

“No, no one.” His response is quick, expressed through a deep release of breath. Running a hand down your back, he admits, “Can’t bring myself to.”

“Baby?”

“Yeah, dove?” He misses that nickname, so common and simple but so sweet when spoken by you.

“I love you.” Saying it feels like an enormous release, your emotional wellbeing blossoming just from being able to tell him again. “I still do.”

He smiles, head moving gently against you. “Don’t think I could ever not love you.”

“Johnny,” Sucking in an emotional breath, you decide to be fully vulnerable with him, with your best friend. “I w-want, I miss you.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know…” Johnny thought breaking things off was the best thing for the two of you, he really did, but he’s learning now that that’s far from the truth. And seeing you like this, so vulnerable and wanting, it’s crushing him.

Pushing yourself forward against his chest, you sigh, turning your head to rest your cheek on his shoulder. Broad hands run lovingly up and down your back, soothing you.

“I miss being yours.” Comes your small whisper, breath floating over his neck.

A sudden surge of possessiveness comes over him, strong arms squeezing you tight. “You are mine.”

“Not like I used to be, Johnny…” Sadness consumes you entirely, the emotion ruining your delightful morning. But it would’ve come out sooner or later, and right now, it’s practically spilling from your heart. “Would, would you ever want that? Again?”

For a moment, he stays quiet. He’s trying to figure out how he should word this.

“I wouldn’t expect anything new from you, I promise I wouldn’t.” Desperation seeps from your pores but you’re past the point of caring. You’re in love with him, you can’t help it. “I know you can’t talk to me while you’re gone. It’s just, I… I miss it.

“You know…” He finally says, “I’m kinda sick ‘o that, anyways.”

“What do you mean?” Sliding one hand down his chest, your pointer finger runs over him, creating little patterns.

“Bein’ without you.”

A bright grin slowly cracks across your face when he says it. “Really?”

He shrugs, grinning himself. “Always miss you. Always think about the lads here, someone comin’ into swoop you up. I cannae let that happen, bonnie.”

Lifting your head, you find that cute little smirk. Jesus, how the hell is he so pretty?

“There’s no one here that could ever replace you.” One hand then finds his cheek, his chiseled jawline.

“This doesn’t mean I’ll be home more often though, lass. Still goin’ ta be busy on base.”

Shrugging, you answer simply with, “I figured. I mean, it won’t be any different.”

“Except that I’ll write to you, when I can. I will.”

“I’ll write back.” Smiling brightly, you almost can’t contain your giddiness. “Sometimes… it feels like we never even broke up.”

“Yeah,” Johnny smiles widely, “But I like that.”

For just a second, you’re silent, smiling like a fool in front of him. “Yeah… me too.” A timid grin then pulls at your lips, eyes dipping down to watch your finger move over his chest. “Always knowing you’re around… always coming back to me.”

“And I always will.” He says quickly, lifting your chin for you to look at him, capitalizing on his statement.

“Promise me?”

“Yeah, bonnie bell.” Barely tilting his chin, Johnny presses his lips to your own. “I promise.”

#John McTavish #John “Soap” McTavish #Soap cod #cod mw2 #cod fanfiction #John McTavish x you #John McTavish x reader #John McTavish x female reader #John McTavish smut #John McTavish fluff

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visforvengeance · 6 days

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un jour c'est toi que je partirai

Notes: Howdy! ok so this is a filler chapter. this was originally gonna be chapter 3 buuuut the way I started it wasn't matching how I wanted the chapter to end. so pls forgive me lmao. I wanted to get something out to you guys bc I know it's been a while since the last chapter. I still don't know if i want this series to end before the next season comes out or not but I'm def gonna keep writing itttt

Warnings: cursing? she/her pronouns. mentions of suicide, idk if this should be a tw but description of a panic attack, carmy is a perv in this lowkey. masturbation. when I said philip, i was totes talking about lip gallagher. not too much happens in this. please let me know if I missed anything and thanks for reading <3.

masterpost

“Mikey killed himself.”

He couldn’t do it. Where are you, Carmen? His brother’s funeral was today. You’re supposed to be here. He’s sorry, but he can’t. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? He still couldn’t believe it. Fuck, his chest was starting to hurt. He was getting sweaty, his hearing began to fade in and out, and he couldn’t breathe. He can’t fucking breathe. He can’t stop the tears or the sob that tore through him. It echoed throughout his apartment. Fuck this shit.

He stood in disbelief as he looked upon the one restaurant that could have him shitting bricks. It looked old. And, familiar. And, not his, but absolutely fucking his now. Shit, he couldn’t fucking believe it. This fucking restaurant that haunted his dreams, that he spent his whole life chasing was officially his. He hurried to unlock the door and get inside. He hadn’t told anyone that he was back in Chicago. He wanted to embrace it on his own for a second. It still smelled the same, like Mikey and cigarettes, grease, bleach, and Mikey.

He looked at the picture frames, news clippings, and awards scattered across the wall. He was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. He hadn’t set foot inside this place in two years, and now his brother is dead and he’s standing in his restaurant.

He heard the bell ring and turned to see his big sister, “Carmy?” God, did he miss her. He missed them all, he really did. Even insufferable Richie and fucking Fak. And, Y/N. He hadn’t let go of the last conversation they shared. His one shot at true love and he’d gone and fucked it all. Whatever.

He walked over to Natalie, embracing her dearly. “Hi, sis.” He smirked at her as she gasped and swatted his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here? I would’ve gotten you from the airport,” she said with a frown. He shook his head as he waved her off. He smiled up at her, genuinely smiling. “I wanted to surprise you.” “Consider me surprised. So, had a chance to take a look around yet?” He sighed and shook his head. “James told me the store’s not really in good standing?” Natalie let out an exasperated sigh. “Fuck no. I don’t know what the hell Mikey has gotten himself into, Bear.”

“You, uh, you know where he keeps the records and shit like that?” Natalie shook her head as she took a seat in one of the booths, “you’d have better luck asking Richie.” Ugh. Carmen loathed Richie. But, he tolerated him because he was family and Mikey’s best friend. “Have you seen him around lately?” “Yeah, I told him to meet me here so we could get a headstart on figuring out all of this shit.” Carmen sat in the seat across from Nat, “good. I bet he’ll have some idea.” Natalie nodded slowly as she thinned out her lips. “So,” she says as she clasps her hands together in front of her, “does Y/N know you’re here?” Fuck. She doesn’t know.

Honestly, he didn’t know if he should even tell her. Would she come to see him? Did he have a chance? He hadn’t seen or heard anything about her since Christmas dinner. “No, I haven’t spoken to her since Christmas.” He paused before speaking. “You know she told me she loved me that night?” Natalie had some idea of what was going on between them. Carmen, being the moody little brother he is, kept her out of his business as much as possible. And, Y/N tried to spare her the details for fear of grossing her out.

“And, what did you say?” “That I loved her too.” For the first time, he was honest. So honest that it scared him. When he thinks back on that night, it almost makes him want to vomit. She felt bad for her brother, this need for Y/N but being unable to do anything about it was eating him up inside and anyone could tell that he wasn’t alright. Pair that with grief and an existential crisis, she didn’t know how he was managing. “How is she?” He knows Mikey’s death couldn’t have been easy for her either. “She’s..coping as best as she can.” He’d love nothing more than to be with her in moments like these, ones that you know you shouldn’t be going through alone.

“She seeing anyone?” Carmen couldn’t help himself as he asked. Natalie hesitated before answering and that filled Carmen with such dread. “Um, some guy that she went to college with. I think his name is Philip?” He flinched like he was about to be hit. Now, he knows more than he’d like. “Are they like dating? Boyfriend and girlfriend?” Carmen wasn’t trying to pry information out of Natalie for his own personal gain, no way. He was simply inquiring about a friend.

“Why are you asking?” Natalie was suspicious of the younger boy. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he was planning to shoot his shot with Y/N (eventually). It’s about damn time. He shrugged, “Just curious.” She nodded, not believing a word he said. “As far as I know, they’re not too serious but definitely more than friends.” He could only imagine what that meant. Were they already having sex? That was not his business. He needs to get a grip on reality. He nodded and began to stand, just as he was doing so, Richie rushed inside. They hugged and began their bickering immediately after. Natalie just chuckled and walked away.

Carmen was tired. So fucking tired. It hadn’t even been a full day and he’d endured so much bullshit. The ripping and running and trying to find a decent crew wore him out. He didn’t make it to his bed when he got to his apartment. Instead, he plopped down his couch. After a while, his mind drifted to her. He missed her. Fuck, when didn’t he? He found himself thinking about her constantly. What was she doing today? What did she eat? He was sure it wasn’t nearly as good as what he could make for her. She loved when he cooked for her, so he always did. Never did he allow her to even touch a cooking utensil. He never complained about it either. He loved it just as much. Maybe even more.

Then, he began thinking about her warmth. He missed it so much that he craved it. It had been too long since he last felt her. Or smelled her scent. He wondered if her lips still felt or tasted the same. Was her skin still as soft as he remembered? Why the fuck is he doing this to himself? It was too late as he felt himself straining against his pants.

He tried to ignore the lust that was creeping into his head. But, he couldn’t stop himself and he was getting harder the more he thought about her. She made him behave like a fucking pervert. He couldn’t take it anymore. He unbuttoned his pants and slid his hand inside his boxers. Pulling his cock out of his pants, he squeezed the base of it. This was fucking humiliating but it felt too good. He felt bad for thinking about her while doing this. But, he was doing it anyway. He thought about her face as she was being pleasured, the sounds she’d make. He imagined it was him who made her cum. Just as she was beginning to reach climax, he was cumming all over his hand. He always came the hardest when he thought about her. The deep embarrassment was almost enough to make him never think about her like that, though. Almost. He cursed himself as he wiped his hand on his khakis. It was getting late and he figured he should get ready for bed. She never left his thoughts as he (finally) drifted to dreamland.

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x reader #the bear

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alackofghosts · 5 days

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got tagged by tumblr user @fourteenthz (loved reading about thesa, by the way <3)! thank you very much!

— B A S I C S

name: lil guy i'm very shy, don't worry about it

nicknames: none based on his name, as it's quite short already, but will also respond to a fond and/or slightly exasperated "hero"

age: 33 as of 6.55

nameday: 27th sun of the 4th umbral moon

race: rava viera

gender: cis man

orientation: gay

profession: adventurer

— P H Y S I C A L A S P E C T

hair: black, naturally wavy, very thick and soft

eyes: dark brown

skin: warm brown, freckles easily, especially his face

tattoos: none

scars: burn scar on his left shoulder from his fight with ifrit, another burn on his right thigh from nidhogg. a few other scrapes here and there. notable lack of any significant scarring from shb and beyond, because that's how i see astrologian healing working - he feels particularly strange about not having a scar from his fight with zenos in endwalker

— F A M I L Y

parents: he has not been back to his home village, for obvious reasons, so doesn't know - but assumes - his mother is still alive and well; never met his biological dad. but because he showed signs of. however the viera would call/conceptualise the inner beast, one of the women called in a favour with a wood warder who was also a warrior, to take him under his wing to train. said wood warder, however, was wholly at a loss what to do with a child, having never taken in a ward before and decided to seek out an old friend, who had since left the forest. ...long story short, he ends up being raised by an all-viera dalmascan resistance cell, who end up packing up and leaving with him in tow after almost being rooted out by garlean forces. he views most of them as Parental Figures and loves them dearly, even if some of them have scattered into the winds after he left to become an adventurer

siblings: he isn't aware of any biological siblings, but the village took a very communal approach to raising kids, so at the time he definitely felt like the other kids were his siblings, regardless of any blood relations. one of the men in the resistance cell was a 'mere' 30 or so years older than him, so he also counts more as a sibling than anything else in his eyes

grandparents: he has definitely met his maternal grandmother, but as with his mother, he's not been back home and doesn't know if she is still alive (but in all likelihood: yes)

in laws and other: THE TWINS. putting an exact name to what alisaie and alphinaud mean to him would honestly not be Good or Close Enough, but they are absolutely like family to him and a reason to keep on going. he also has a very sibling-like relationship with lyse, who is always ready and willing to match his energy, tag along for workouts and tease the hell out of him

pets: he befriends an amaro hatchling at the crystarium during shadowbringers and during a later visit, her handler notes that she's been looking glum without him around. he loves animals, but his living situation has been far too chaotic after becoming an adventurer to accommodate an animal (that isn't his chocobo, who, at least, is much easier to house) and hasn't felt particularly inclined to change that. but after endwalker, he finds himself actually wanting to change that and has the time to do it... so, with a little bit of help from feo ul, he has a little amaro friend with him now

— S K I L L S

abilities: war + drk + pld and all that that entails. skilled and formidable fighter, good at navigating/strategising through a fight on the fly, quick study (as far as fighting is concerned, anyway)

hobbies: working out (especially running and swimming), hiking, he's been learning to enjoy fishing after endwalker

— T R A I T S

most positive traits: protective, caring, insatiable lust for life

most negative traits: too willing to let other people do the talking for him, impulsive, stubborn

— L I K E S

colours: warm red, gold, the bright green of sunlight filtering through leaves

smells: fresh earth, cinnamon, a meadow in early summer, the savoury smell of the stew one of his dads used to make

textures: soft grass under bare feet, tree bark, skin on skin, the scratch of ardbert's beard

drinks: water, pineapple juice, lemonade

— O T H E R D E T A I L S

smokes: no

drinks: only socially, and even then it's fairly rare. he did drink a little more often as a baby adventurer, mostly because he simply had more opportunities to do so: mingling was useful and it wasn't uncommon to have a rowdy bar night to celebrate a job well done. he is a bit of a lightweight and tends to withdraw when tipsy/drunk, so he actually has more fun when sober

drugs: also no (unless we're counting medicine for this. he won't be refusing painkillers if he's in pain etc.)

mount issuance: his beloved chocobo, who he dotes on very much, especially because it was something of a dream to have when he was just a baby adventurer - he could not have afforded to buy or maintain one at the time

been arrested: he's got in trouble for those rowdy bar nights - he's not the type to start a fight, but if someone were to pick a fight with him or his friends, by gods, he will be finishing it. no serious jail time, more like being hauled off with everyone else involved to sober up until morning, though

#meme tag #i draw sometimes #sjddskjhs i feel a bit nervous

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florencetypemaniacs · 2 months

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Ebeuwjjdhdi AHHHH I love your IF! If you are doing RO questions, what would their reaction be if they forgot the MC's B Day in the relationship stage?

💛 Marcel

Marcel would never forgive himself; he would feel so guilty and do everything in his power to make it right. I could see him surprising you with something you really loved, like a night out at your favorite restaurant or watching your favorite movie, and trying to make it as special for you as possible.

💙 Rosemary

Rosemary would test the waters; she is very good at reading people, so if you were upset, she would know. If you weren't upset, she would apologize to you, of course, over dinner or in private. If she could tell that you were upset, then that would be a whole other story. She knows how it feels to be disappointed, especially with a partner, and would try to fix it the best way she knew how with....romance. She is romantic at heart, so she would get all your friends and family to help set up a private moment between just the two of you. So you would be surprised when she drove you up to a romantic spot with fairy lights in the trees and a picnic basket that your aunt packed with all your favorite deserts.

❤️ Owen

On the outside, it would seem that he didn't care at all that he missed your birthday, but on the inside, he would be so full of guilt. So anything you wanted, you got for a week. You need the trash taken out. Owen has it handled. You need to babysit Jezebel? Owen will help you get her to bed. You might not even notice it at first how Owen is buzzing around you like a bee.

🧡 Margaret

Break down and cry. How could she do this to you? Her family always went big on birthdays and holidays, and this was no different, and she ruined yours. As soon as Margaret found out what she had done, she would jump into your arms and ask you to forgive her. I could see her buying you flowers and chocolates, even if you said you were fine. She would continue to do it until you finally had a sit-down conversation with her and told her that you had forgiven her.

🩵 Tai

Tai would mentally kick himself. How could he forget your birthday? What kind of partner was he? Honestly, he would have a dramatic monologue in his head about how he was the worst partner ever until someone, whether it be Rosemary or Owen, told him to stop having a pity party. So to make it up to you, he made a romantic dinner. Food is something he has a passion for, and you are someone he loves dearly, so why not treat you to your favorite dish, no matter if it is junk food or unhealthy? Hell, it could be greasy hamburgers from the dinner up the street, and he would still serve them.

💚 Zane

Zane would try to play it off that he didn't forget at all and try to plan something big for you, like a party with all your family and friends, even going as far as to help Marcel invite people since he isn't good in a social setting, which he would never speak of that he asked for help.

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aroace-polyshow · 6 months

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HELLO OMG im so intrigued about hw actually and you have been talking about hw ruinene in particular so can i ask about what their history is like. what is their relationship currently. how are they doing. sorry if this question is a bit vague i can always reword it if needed!

FIRSTLY. THANK YOU OH MY GOD i’ve honestly been worried i’ve been too annoying about them dlkjfhjs BUT YAYYY SOMEONE IS INTERESTED YAHOO

anyway this is got SO FUCKING LONG so ramble is gonna be under the cut:

so to answer your question, the short answer is that they’re doing bad :D!! this is a nightcord/wxs swap after all.

for context in this swap au, rui was able to join nene’s theater group when they were younger!! nene wouldn’t join unless rui was allowed to as well, so begrudgingly the members let him join despite not liking him much bc they thought nene would be a good member. rui didn’t really want to join either, cause he could tell the members didn’t like him much, but nene really wanted him to and since didn’t want to stop her from joining, he agrees to it.

rui and the troupe don’t get along too much but they’re willing to deal with him to keep nene around and rui’s pretty content being able to do shows with nene. until nene has that fuck up on stage moment like she does in her canon past, but its made worse when rui tries to stand up for her. picture the wxs main story fight. something like that.

unfortunately the member rui ends up arguing with gets all up in rui’s face and provokes him into shoving them. the guy isn’t seriously injured or anything but that doesn’t matter much because now they have fuel for rumors to spread about him, that they knew they never should have let that weirdo kid join, they always knew he would hurt someone, etc, stuff like that. but nene’s involved too now!! given that she was his friend and ends up being the only one to stick around with him, rumors spread around her as well since not only did she ruin their show, she also hangs out with “that weirdo kid,” so she’s probably just as weird and dangerous. so they’re both stuck in this together throughout middle school. how fun :)

nene’s stage fright and social anxiety after that is fucking godawful. she can’t bring herself to sing anymore despite wanting to SO fucking badly, so she turns to composing as a hobby. she sort of takes on kanade’s role as the shut-in composer. girl is completely petrified of leaving the house. rui still makes robo-nene for her, so she doesn’t have to leave the house if she’s too scared to and can use it to go run errands or something with rui as company. my girl has so much self loathing in her about what happened and berates herself a lot. thinks of herself as horribly pathetic and cowardly. also so much guilt i will get into in a minute

rui meanwhile is really discouraged from doing shows after that. discouraged feels too light for it tbh. he still loves shows dearly but (pre main story at least) he is like. so convinced he won’t ever be able to and shouldn’t even try connecting with people after that. because if all his attempts are only going to lead to him and other people getting hurt, what’s the point? he’ll always be the weirdo kid no one trusts, and he knows he can’t do shows alone, and he’s kinda accepted that he’ll just be forever be lonely and isolated, aside from having nene with him. but that’s not rlly comforting to him bc of how guilty he feels about dragging her down with him.

speaking of which: time to bring up their mutual guilt!! good fucking lord they both have so much guilt inside them and despite how deeply they care about each other neither of them have ever heard of communicating‼️ they are both fully convinced they are at fault for what happened.

nene hates herself bc she feels like she pressured rui into joining, for messing her moment, for not being able to stand up for herself, for making rui do it for her and leading to what happened, and then STILL being so much of a coward that rui has to defend her throughout middle school. she feels like a burden to him and feels so so horribly guilty about it. he made a whole goddamn robot for her because of how scared she is to leave the house anymore after the harassment and she feels she does nothing for him in return.

rui on the other hand feels horribly guilty for making a stupid decision in the heat of the moment and dragging nene’s reputation down with his. he thinks if he hadn’t been there, if nene had never been friends with him, nene would never have gotten so much harassment. he thinks he deserves it all, but nene doesn’t. he’s really protective of her and took most of the heat when the harassment was really rough. he’s fully convinced he did this to her, that it’s his fault and the very least he could do for her is try to help her as much as he can. this is nightcord wxs so of course he wants to disappear but rui doesn’t less because he thinks nene would miss him and doesn’t want to make her sad (he cares so so much about her but bro’s convinced she should resent him for doing this to her, cause he definitely feels that way about himself) and more bc in his head, it’d be fucking shameful of him to try to take the easy way out. like, how dare he leave nene like that, when he’s the one that did this to her. how dare he abandon her when this entire situation is his fault.

nene’s also been the closest one to ever actually disappearing. she berates herself a lot for being too much of a coward to actually do it, to free rui of the burden that is her. she wants to both bc of the amount of guilt and self loathing she has but also just. feels really lost and aimless. like her dream was to be an actress, but she can barely leave the house anymore, so how is she even supposed to do that? like. she’s tired of living the way she does as a shut in. but at least she has music. she finds comfort in composing.

they’ve clearly stayed friends through it all, and they both care so so much about each other, but there’s a sort of wall between them after everything. they still tease each other and hang out together since they’re neighbors, and try to pretend everything’s stayed the same between them. they get better at not being so closed off to each other!! eventually!! but god starting odd neither of them EVER open up to each other. there’s rui who struggles to identify his own feelings in the first place and nene who doesn’t want to bother rui but generally they both just have the mindset of “i can’t trouble them more than i already have.”

when nene starts composing, rui’s really really happy for her. like he sees how miserable she’s been so her finally finding something she seems interested in makes him really really happy. and later once the group is fully formed, being able to do music videos makes him happy too. it’s not quite the same as doing shows obviously, but he’s happy he’s able to tell stories one way or another.

guhh. i hope this made sense and didn’t contradict too much. i’m probably missing stuff. that’s all the coherent stuff for now though. these horribly sad clowns who have never communicated in their lives…i’m insane about them…

anyway, a few miscellaneous facts about them:

nene is fucking ruthless online, especially when it comes to people even being slightly mean to rui.

nene switched to home schooling since middle school, after rui graduated from it.

rui picked out their online aliases, tako (octopus) and kurage (jellyfish). he likes sea animals and thought it’d be funny. nene did not seem to find it funny, but she kept the one he chose for her anyway.

rui’s also gotten really good at video games since he’s played them with nene for so long.

they stay over at each others houses quite a bit, and as they learn to not be so closed off to each other, staying over happens a lot more. if one of them feels like shit, all one of them needs to do is just text the other and no matter how late it is, the other will already be prepared with some spare blankets and maybe a few snacks. they might not always talk, but it’s comforting being in the presence of the other.

they came out to each other as aroace during a sleepover back in middle school. it really just went like:

“hey, rui?” “yeah?” “i think i’m aroace.” “oh. me too actually, i think.” “oh. okay.”

nene got to know mizuki a little bit, since she stayed close to rui during middle school. he introduced them to each other, nene still keeps in touch with them.

they have a hobby of trying new cup noodle flavors and combos together. they have a tier list and everything.

they both get anxious about arguments, but nene especially gets really panicky and nervous.

judas by abuse is hw core hw rui in particular. but there’s good lines that make me think of nene in there too. feel free to ask me for that ramble it’s been living in my brain

feel free to ask more stuff i’m more than happy to ramble

#asks #hollow ☆ wonderland

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variety-fangirl · 5 months

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Hi love, i read your Jimmy keene stuff recently and really enjoyed it so i was wondering if you could write a jimmy x reader where he gets released after everything you know and the after math after being away for that long and him being grateful that the reader stayed with him through everything yk what i mean sorry if it’s vague but let your creativity do the trick

Grateful / Jimmy Keene x fem!reader

Summary: after being released, you and Jimmy take some alone time to reconnect after so long. He shows you just how grateful he is for you staying with him through everything.

Warning: 18+ NO MINORS SHOO not much, swearing, some intimate touching, vulnerable sad Jimmy, reader loving on and looking after Jimmy.

Author's note: thank you for requesting my love! Oh, this is such a cute idea, love it! 🥰 Grateful soft vulnerable men are my favourite 😍😍😭 thank you so much for reading and im glad you like my Jimmy stuff 😁😁💜 Thank you all for reading and enjoy! Liking, reblogging, and commenting really helps me out!

Word count: 1.8k

It had been thirteen months since Jimmy had been home with you, sleeping next to you, making love to you, or even being able to touch you. After thirteen agonising months of missing him dearly, you'd barely seen him, he'd refused. You'd seen him twice in the whole thirteen months. After seeing you sobbing and just breaking down at the sight of him, and him not being able to touch you to comfort you, he forbade you from returning to see him again. You hated it and regularly told him over the phone, especially if he didn't call you for a week at a time. You were constantly worried about him and sleep had not been your friend. You were sure you'd lost a lot of weight and looked awful from not being able to pull yourself together, you didn't care. You felt like you'd been robbed of thirteen months of time with Jimmy that you'd never get back.

You had been counting down the weeks until you could finally see him, you missed Jimmy more than anything. You had been preparing for his return, buying gifts and treats to make things easier and happier for when Jimmy finally came home. You want to ease him back into normal life after being away for so long. You can only imagine how difficult it will be for him, to adjust back to normalcy. You were going to be the one who picked him up from the jail but James offered to pick him up instead so you could prepare stuff at home for Jimmy. James texted you all throughout the day, letting you know what time pick-up was and when they would be arriving.

You obviously knew the first thing you wanted to do as soon as you saw him, was to hug and kiss him. But, you planned out what you wanted to do after. So, you made a list of relaxing things to do at home. You honestly went all out, James completed the lovely effort you had put in for his son's return and you promised that next week you would bring Jimmy by so his father could spend time with him also. Whilst James made his way to pick up Jimmy, you got everything ready. You got started on making dinner, Jimmy's favourite, lasagne. Along with a bottle of wine for yourself and Jimmy's favourite whiskey. You listened to music with a glass of wine as you got dinner ready, mostly to distract your ragging thoughts, preparing everything as needed.

It was about an hour's drive to the jail so you had time to get everything sorted. As soon as dinner was in the oven you headed upstairs to your shared bedroom. You went into Jimmy's closet and grabbed a pair of grey joggers, a black T-shirt, boxers and a pair of comfortable socks, you led them out on your bed. You then went back downstairs, with thirty minutes to spare and cleaned the kitchen and living room a little. You lit a candle on the table, put on some light relaxing music and just waited. That only took you a total of fifteen minutes, so for the remaining fifteen, you just scrolled aimlessly on your phone to keep your mind busy while you waited.

Finally, you heard the car pull up outside, and you felt tears brim your eyes. You made your way to the door, opened it and watched as they pulled into your driveway slowly. They both got out, Jimmy running towards you and instantly wrapping his arms around you as he picked you up. The tears instantly fell, small sobs escaping you as you held him as close as possible. Your hands gripped Jimmy with urgency, fearing that if you let him go, it would all prove to be a dream. James stood to the side of Jimmy, smiling at the pair of you with such happiness that you thought your heart would explode. You pulled away first, turning to look at James with a thankful smile, "Thank you for getting him, I appreciate it." you give James a big hug, having grown considerably closer to him over the last year whilst Jimmy had been away.

"Anytime kiddo, don't mention it. You know where I am, love you both!" You both return the statement of affection with a smile as James gives his son one last hug. You step inside, leaving the door open so the two can have a moment before Jimmy comes in. You'd watched over the last year how hard Jimmy's imprisonment had taken a toll on his father. The man had struggled just as much, if not more than you over Jimmy's absence. You had tried your absolute hardest to be there for him every step of the way whilst being strong for yourself. You watch as Jimmy steps into the doorway backwards, waving and saying goodbye to his father before closing the door and turning to face you.

"Okay, so I have some things planned. But no pressure my love. I figured the first thing you would want to do is to take a long hot shower and change into clean warm clothes. I was thinking whilst you did that I could finish preparing dinner for us, maybe watch a movie and relax? We don't have to talk unless you want to, you can just go straight to bed or whatever. No pressure with anything okay?" you smile gently, not wanting to pressure him or stress him out in any way, you wanted Jimmy to decide for the afternoon. You noticed the look of realisation on his face, the fact that he could do whatever he wanted, he was free to do as he pleased again. You couldn't imagine how horrible it must have been in there, unable to have freedom.

"A shower and food sounds amazing baby, thank you." You walk over, leaning up to kiss your boyfriend for the first time in 13 months. It felt like magic, like the missing piece of you had returned. Jimmy moans, pulling you closer by your ass until your front was placed flush against his. You wrap your arms around his neck, tugging gently at the hair. Jimmy groans happily, pulling away but not before placing one last kiss on your lips. You reach down, slap his ass and laugh, "Okay, go shower! Dinner will be done in a bit." You turn with a smile and head over to the kitchen while Jimmy makes his way upstairs.

You finished plating and setting the table ready for Jimmy to return, setting some mood lighting and candles for a sensual but relaxing vibe. You hear the soft patters of his feet coming down the wooden stairs and across the floor to the living room and kitchen. You feel soft arms wrap slowly around your waist and a pair of lips pressing gently to your neck. You turn your head to the side, relishing in the feel of Jimmy's touch once again after so long. You hum happily, "Hi," rubbing up and down his arm lovingly, appreciating the affection. "Hi. This looks amazing baby, thank you. But, you didn't have to go through all this trouble." You turn around in Jimmy's arms, wrapping yours around his neck.

You shrug with a smile, "I just wanted to make tonight special for you, some form of normalcy for when you returned because I love you." You place a gentle kiss upon his lips, adding a few more just for safe measure before pulling away. "C'mon, let's eat whilst it's warm." you usher to the table, taking a seat opposite Jimmy so you can talk more easily.

Once you both finish eating, you clear away the table and do the dishes, cleaning up any mess. It didn't take you very long, especially with Jimmy drying them and putting them away. You look at the clock, it's now 9pm, "You wanna watch a movie or head to bed? I'm happy either way." Today had been long and tiring, emotionally draining for you both. You honestly wouldn't mind heading to bed if Jimmy said yes. He nods, his eyes tired, "Yeah bed sounds good." You nod in return, grabbing his hand and leading him to your bedroom. You made sure the candles were blown out and the lights turned off before making your way upstairs.

You both get changed into comfortable pyjamas, minus a shirt for Jimmy and brush your teeth. You had changed the bedding this morning, fresh and smelling like your favourite scent. You both get in, cuddling into Jimmy's chest, leaning on top and facing him. You rest your chin on his chest, near his neck and stroking his chest gently. You play with the strands of hair you can reach and place gentle kisses on any skin of Jimmy's nearest to you. You feel Jimmy's cock harden against your leg, his breathing picking up just slightly. It was understandable with how long he'd been gone, despite the fact he was exhausted.

You move to straddle his waist, grinding your hips slowly against his, your pussy right on top of his cock. You gasp softly, leaning down to kiss his jaw and neck with as much gentle passion as possible. You don't want to rush or pressure him into thinking he has to do anything tonight if he doesn't want to. You push your head up to look down at him, "I want you but only you if you want to." You whisper, stroking the side of his face gently. You notice a look flash across Jimmy's face, making you pause any movement. "God, of course I want you, how could I not? Look at, your fucking perfect." He pauses, taking a deep breath as his eyes begin to fill with tears.

He huffs, "I don't fucking deserve you. Why would you stay by my side this whole time? You could have left me, left all this and I wouldn't have blamed you for a second. I thought you were going to because you are too fucking good for me, baby." He whispers as he grips the back of your neck, a look of pure pain and worry in his eyes. As if he didn't believe he was worthy enough of your love or you staying by his side. But that only made you angry and annoyed. You grip both sides of his face, "why would you say that?! Do you think that I could ever possibly leave you? I love you more than anything, you are everything to me! Not even for a second did I consider leaving you, you're stuck with me okay?" you huff, tears now filling your eyes.

Jimmy grabs the back of your neck and pulls your lips down to his, catching you by surprise. "God I love you." Jimmy rolls you both over so you're on your back and kisses you once more. You moan loudly and grind upwards against him, letting him know you want him more than anything.

#y/n #fluff #jimmy keene #jimmy keene x reader #blackbird #angst

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thiswaycomessomethingwicked · 1 year

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I know it is only anybodys guessing really, and I truly do not want to sound like 'the historian' but you would go as far as calling these relationships of napoleon 'homoerotic'? Why? Couldn't it be the case of him having just very warm attitude and be close to his friends like that?

Again nothing against it, but I needed to ask since I as well am the person to get alike towards my close friends and I don't feel it having any attraction undertones.

Thank you for the ask! As usual for me, my response got really long.

I mean correct! It’s literally anyone’s guess. Who knows? Certainly not me! Certainly no one who is alive right now!

I’m just a queer on the internet having fun who sees Napoleon and goes "ah yes, a chaotic bisexual even though the concept of modern sexual identity wasn't a thing in his time etc. etc. [insert all the other usual disclaimers required on this webbedsite]" so that's why.

[How do I know he’s a chaotic bi? Well, it’s very simple, he couldn’t sit properly in a chair, liked to sit on his secretaries’ laps, pull their ears, and tell them Fun Facts he learned that day, and wanted to make the tsar of Russia his mistress. He also dearly loved Josephine and wrote about how he liked going down on her. This is clear proof that he was a chaotic bi king and we should be so lucky to know this about him. ;)]

I'm also a writer who likes to slap a queer lens onto most things because that's how I role and I'm very unapologetic about it. Which most people who follow me know.

I’m also someone who has incredibly deep, intimate friendships with a close selection of people in my life that are not romantic/sexual or whatever in their nature—but they are incredibly intimate. They are friendships where partners of my friends have been jealous and insecure because of how close we are—which is a them problem, not an us problem.

I would go so far as to argue that friends are more likely to slot into that problematic category of “soulmate” than anyone romantic (ymmv). And from the outside, I’m sure people might read my friendships with a few people (have read them, in fact) as romantic/homoerotic and frankly I don’t care. Whatever. I know what my friendships are, why does it matter what other people read them as? More to the point, why does it matter that someone reads a dead person’s friendships as homo-something? How does that impact my friendships which may, or may not, mirror that dead person’s friendships? Who cares? One should love one’s friends however one wishes to. Fuck everything else.

In an effort to avoid the Great Queer Napoleon Discourse War of 2013-14 I shall include a disclaimer because hot damn do people get REALLY uppity about this: I’m a writer, first and foremost in all things. I’m not a historian. As noted above, I’m a queer fag on the internet having fun. Take what I say with a grain of salt.

(Honestly, doing anything with Napoleon’s sexuality aside from He Was the Straightest Straight Who Ever Straighted, gets everyone’s hackles raised. I think that says more about those with hackles up than it does the person going: maybe he might have had a bit of a queerness about him, it’s not implausible.)

Some general stuff on Napoleon & That Doesn’t Seem Entirely Straight, Even For the 18th and 19th Century:

From Cronin’s biography on Napoleon:

“Napoleon found that his friendships with men often began with physical attraction, and this took a curious form. ‘He told me,’ says Caulcaincourt, ‘…that for him the heart was not the organ of sentiment; that he felt emotions only where most men experience feelings of a different kind; nothing in the heart, everything in the loins and in another place, which I leave nameless.’

The feeling Napoleon described as ‘a sort of painful tingling, a nervous irritability…the squeaking of a saw sometimes gives me the same sensation’.”

In addition, Talleyrand speculated Napoleon and Bourienne were, uh, intimate in all senses of the word. Talleyrand, of course, well—one should treat his hot takes with some caution.

There is also the (in)famous letter Napoleon wrote to Josephine about Alexander where he said that he and Alexander were inordinately pleased with one another and if the tsar were a woman, he’d take Alexander as his mistress (Napoleon, honey, don’t write that to your wife).

I mean, do what you want with that. Take it for what it’s worth /shrug

---

Of the three friendships under discussion: Lannes, Duroc, Junot—I always read Lannes and Napoleon’s friendship as just friendship. Duroc and Junot though. That’s where we start getting into arguments for a homoerotic friendship—or romantic friendship, if one prefers that term.

I’ll do a little ramble for each, because they all deserve it.

Lannes

Napoleon’s friendship with Lannes was intimate, close, and they loved each other dearly—but as said, I always read them as friends. Even if they lived today and were free/able to be whatever they wanted to be to one another, it’d still just be friendship.

People did make Achilles/Patroclus references to them—particularly around Lannes’ death—but that was the mode of how people spoke back then. It’s the 19th century version of comparing everything to LOTR or Harry Potter (read another classical epic people, jeez).

Their friendship was volatile for sure—these are two hot headed, strong minded, opinionated men who were not afraid to snap and snarl at one another—but at the end of the day I do not doubt their love for each other. But it’s what we would term a platonic love.

Brian Martin writes this in Napoleonic Friendship: Military Fraternity, Intimacy, and Sexuality in Nineteenth-century France:

Napoleon’s grief for Marshal Lannes took on the very public character of open lamentation. Rather than grieve behind closed doors and conceal his personal vulnerabilities in order to show public strength, Napoleon’s mourning for his beloved friend became a matter of great public spectacle. Like Achilles mourning his beloved Patroclus, Napoleon wept publicly and openly expressed his affection in a way that was widely reported, discussed, and admired by the officers and soldiers in his armies.

[…]

Napoleon’s public grief at the death of Jean Lannes represented a new model for social relations between soldiers in the early nineteenth-century France. weeping over his friend’s broken body, Napoleon demonstrated how the revolution and empire had made it possible not only for an emperor to grieve openly for a fallen marshal, but for a soldier to love his comrade. This uncharacteristic expression of affection between Napoleon and Lannes was echoes in similar relationships between officers and foot soldiers in Napoleon’s armies. Military memories of the first empire bear witness to a wide range of intimate relationships among generals, colonels, and captains as well as sergeants, corporals, and grunts (grognards), the infantry soldiers who made up the majority of the imperial armies. Napoleon’s love for Lannes might thus be said to represent a broad spectrum of masculine affection and intimacy in the ranks of the Grande Armée, or what could be called Napoleonic friendship.

So yeah, I’ve not much more to say on them. Their friendship was loving, affectionate, intimate, and complex. Lannes could be frustrated with Napoleon (often was, the longer Napoleon remained in power—because Lannes loved Bonaparte not the emperor), but Lannes loved his friend and Napoleon loved Lannes. But my read on them has always been that it was what we would term platonic.

------

Junot

This one is messy. Because Junot and Napoleon are messy people. I also think this one is the strongest case for “something more than friendship”. I personally believe Junot loved Napoleon in a deep, phenomenal, possibly obsessive fashion that absolutely was romantic—maybe sexual/erotic—and Napoleon for a time may have returned at least some of those feelings. Then it all went south.

I’m ripping a lot of this from a previous ask I received about Junot—since it covered a lot of the more romantic aspects of his and Napoleon’s relationship.

Junot and Napoleon were close friends when they were in their 20s. Incredibly close. Laure Junot, whose memoires one should treat cautiously, intimated that there was more than just friendship between them at this point. But if that is the case, we’ll never know for certain.

Brian Martin sums it up well (and saves me from having to dig out my copy of Laure’s memoir):

Soon after his imprisonment, Napoleon was released and exonerated, but with little money and no desire to take on a new military post in Brittany, he returned to Paris where, as Laure Junot explains, he lived with his comrade Junot and depended on his friend’s emotional and financial support … The 1794 letter from Toulon initiates a half-year period in the lives of the twenty-five-year-old Bonaparte and twenty-three-year-old Junot when … these ambitious young men relied on each other during their impecunious days in Paris. Describing how Junot “loved Bonaparte as one loves at the age” (1: 188), Laure Junot implies that the young Jean-Andoche developed an adolescent crush on Napoleon, as the two young men grew in intimacy.

[…]

Laure Junot tactfully observes many years later that it was difficult to assess the nature of these friendships [with Duroc and Junot] without offending their masculinity: “These are the very profound and abstract mysteries of the human heart. It is difficult to explain them without first wounding a man’s dignity” (11: 131).

In relegating Napoleon’s military relationships to the realm of the mysteries, Laure Junot defines Napoleonic friendship — long before “the love that dare not speak its name” was articulated by Lord Alfred Douglas in 1894 and invoked at Oscar Wilde’s trial in 1895 —as an enigmatic and unspeakable love incapable of being articulated without shaming a soldier’s manhood. Amid such ambiguity, it is unclear if such “mysteries” encompass both the emotional and the erotic. What is clearer is that Napoleon and Junot shared a degree of affection during their youth in Paris that was undeniably intimate.

As Napoleon climbed up the greasy pole, the power dynamic changed and expectations of interpersonal relationships became more formal putting a strain on his and Junot’s friendship. Junot, like many who knew Napoleon from the early days, loved Bonaparte, not the emperor. As Laure put it in her memoire: “Now let me explain the sadness and pain which afflicted Junot on learning that Napoleon was no longer his General Bonaparte of Toulon. Perhaps the affair simply followed a natural decline. But Junot … did not see it this way. He wanted reciprocity, which he craved even more as his own affectionate fantasies increased … He loved the man, not the emperor.”

In 1800, Napoleon named Junot Commandant of Paris on the condition that he marry because, it seems, there were too many rumours flying around about the two of them. (As noted above, Talleyrand was already making some “huh. Interesting closeness, there” comments about Napoleon.) Dutifully, Junot married Laure.

Junot always exhibited some signs of mental illness throughout his life and at one point he received a head wound (I forget which battle) that massively exacerbated whatever existing mental health troubles he had. (And note that this was one of many wounds - nor was it his first head wound. It’s just the one people in his own life pointed to as a moment of change.)

Junot had jealous and possessive tendencies, something that drove Napoleon a little batty, and they got worse. While Junot was in Portugal, and later Spain, he wrote Napoleon a series of desperate letters begging him to reappoint Junot as his aid-de-camp. We unfortunately don’t have these letters anymore, Napoleon was notoriously secretive and private when it came to personal correspondence and had a habit of burning lots of it. However, we do have Laure’s account of Napoleon’s reception of Junot’s pleading. Laure writes:

"Look here, Madame, what your husband writes to me!’ said the Emperor, ‘Read this and tell me if he sends you such letters."

I read these letters, and this caused me some pain: my husband sent me affectionate missives, but never in the tone of a lover; here were letters that resembled those between Julie and Saint-Preux, or those of the Portuguese nun.*

Napoleon then goes on and says:

“In admitting that Junot loves me more than anything in the world … [he demonstrates] that he does not love me more than his own ambition”

To which Laure replies:

“He loves you, Sire, more than all the honours that you can give, more than your crown, more than me perhaps, for it was pride that made me say the contrary just now, perhaps even more than his children!”

*Note: She’s referencing Guilleragues’s Portuguese Letters (1669) and Rousseau’s Julie or the New Héloïse (1761)

Also, as I said above, treat Laure’s accounts cautiously. As with all memoirs, she is positioning certain scenes with a purpose and some things are downplayed, or exaggerated, accordingly.

In 1813, Napoleon dismissed Junot from military duty and sent him off to be governor of Illyria which Junot, rightly or wrongly, saw as a form of exile. During his ambassadorship he famously entered a ballroom wearing nothing but his epaulettes and his medals. [above para' edited per conversation in the notes]

Brian Martin:

While one could blame Junot’s naked diplomacy on his progressive dementia, his shocking entrance can also be seen as a kind of buff rebuff to Napoleon. After a lifetime fighting for Bonaparte, watching shrapnel rip into young men’s bodies, leading thousands of soldiers to their deaths, and suffering twenty-seven wounds* of his own, Junot offered his own ravaged body as a hideous and spectacular product of Napoleon’s violence.

*Note: Junot says he had 17 wounds, not sure where Martin got 27 - unless there were wounds Junot wasn’t counting.

After this incident, Junot was swiftly recalled back to France where he soon after died by suicide.

In his final letter to Napoleon he wrote:

“I who love you with the affection of a savage for the sun, I who am entirely yours. Well then: this eternal war that we must fight for you, I want no more of! I want peace! I want finally to repose my tired head, my sore limbs … to enjoy that which I earned … with my blood! The blood of an honest man, of a good Frenchman, of a true patriot. I therefore ask, at last, for that tranquillity that I earned through twenty-two years of effective service and seventeen wounds from which my blood has flowed for my country, and for your glory.” (emphasis in original)

After Junot’s death, Napoleon ordered that Junot’s personal papers be seized and destroyed as he was afraid their personal correspondence might make its way to a public forum.

So yeah, Junot’s love for Napoleon was definitely on the romantic side, I would say. Because Napoleon burned all their correspondence we don’t know what he sent in reply to Junot—especially in the early days of their relationship. I suspect it was intimate and possibly in line with what Junot continued to send him throughout their life and like hell did Napoleon want that escaping to the public.

Anyway—Junot and Napoleon, I would argue definitely had some homoerotic/romantic undertones and such to their friendship. I think it was mutual in their 20s then Napoleon’s feelings retreated to more platonic but Junot’s never changed.

It just man, gives me strong flashbacks to when I was a teenager and one of my best friends at the time declared herself my soulmate and carved my initials into her arm and left me a million and a half messages on the home answering machine and said that I was cold like Napoleon and she loved me for it etc. etc.

When I look at Junot and Napoleon I see myself and my old friend in all that glory of the strange complexities of young, intensely emotional and intimate friendships that absolutely blur the line into romantic/erotic.

------

Duroc

Ah sweet Duroc! Duroc who regularly compared himself to Junot in terms of his relationship to Napoleon.

Duroc to Laure Junot in May of 1813: “Poor Junot! It’s that he’s like me! The Emperor’s friendship is our whole life.”

And again, this is from Laure’s memoirs:

‘Junot and some others,’ Duroc said to me, ‘misjudge me and misjudge my position as well. The Emperor would disgrace me if he made me a marshal of France. What would I do away from him? No doubt it’s a great honor; but my attachment to him, how could it not be affected by that distance? I love the Emperor as Junot loves him. And isn’t he going to choose the post of first aide-de-camp instead of that of governor of Paris? So why judge me otherwise!’

Duroc’s a hard one to pin down because he was such an exemplary marshal of the palace, in addition he left us no diaries or memoirs so we have the word of others and what survived of his letters, little else to go on.

However, I think it telling that Duroc compared himself to regularly to Junot—who everyone was aware of how he felt about Napoleon—and that Junot was so jealous of Duroc. That Junot saw Duroc as a rival for Napoleon’s affection and love but not Lannes tells me that clearly Junot could see the similarity of what Duroc and Napoleon had to what he and Napoleon may have once had but didn’t anymore. And, that Lannes was different. It was a different relationship and one that Junot didn’t find threatening.

It's also worth nothing that Duroc was the only one of Napoleon’s officers, aside from Lannes, who was allowed to use tu with Napoleon. Las Cases writes: “I’ve heard the Emperor say that in all of his military career, Duroc alone possessed his blind confidence and received all his affection … Duroc loved the Emperor for himself; he was devoted most of all to the private man, even more than to the monarch”

Duroc’s role as marshal of the palace also put him in an interesting position as a sort of quasi-wife to Napoleon. The role he played was very much a “wife” role—Cronin summarizes Duroc’s duties thus:

"Napoleon was struck by Duroc’s sweet nature, his beautiful manners and the patience which he himself lacked. So he employed his friend as a diplomat and when he became Emperor chose him to run the household and court. […] He had his hands full ensuring that the grocer did not overcharge for the Chambertin, since Napoleon would be sure to notice, and, as Napoleon put on weight, tactfully persuading the Imperial Tailor not to make new clothes but to let out the old ones a couple of inches. He also had to make peace when Napoleon lost his temper: pushing over the table, for example, when he saw crépinettes of partridge. He did this admirably, because he was devoted to Napoleon. Many a time, when the Emperor had hurt a visitor with a sharp word, Duroc would murmur on the way out: ‘Forget it. He says what he feels, not what he thinks, and not what he’ll do tomorrow.’"

No one else of Napoleon’s intimate friends really takes on that wifely role—even after Duroc’s death. Bertrand has the same role, Marshal of the Palace, and he was damn good at his job, just as Duroc was, but there was a difference in their relationship and Bertrand doesn’t read as so close and devoted on a marital level to Napoleon. Not that Bertrand didn’t love Napoleon, he did, gods know he did, but it was more in line with Lannes than Duroc or Junot.

Napoleon describes Duroc to Las Cases:

‘Duroc,’ concluded he, ‘had lively, tender, and concealed passions, little corresponding with the coldness of his manner. It was long before I knew this, so exact and regular was his service. It was not until my day was entirely closed and finished, and I was enjoying repose, that Duroc’s work begun. Chance, or by some accident, could alone have made me acquainted with his character. He was a pure and virtuous man, utterly disinterested, and extremely generous.’

[…]

When he [Napoleon] went to see Duroc, after he had received his mortal wound, he attempted to hold out some hopes to him; but Duroc, who did not deceive himself, only replied by begging [Napoleon] to make them give him opium. …

After this recollection, the emperor, with an apparent effort, began abruptly to talk of something else.

I believe that Napoleon and Duroc were able to see each other’s interiority in a way that few others were able to and that formed the basis for their affection, love and friendship.

Duroc’s letters to Napoleon, anytime they were apart, are also more intense than usual. Plenty of Napoleon’s friends wrote about wanting to be by his side when they were sent off on diplomatic missions or what have you. But Duroc’s express a particularly intense form of devotion:

Duroc to Napoleon, May 29, 1801:

I am waiting to leave, Citizen Consul, until I receive a response to the letters that I had the honor to write you, unless the circumstances or the letters I receive from Paris let me judge that I can leave earlier. I beg you to remember that I am eight hundred leagues from you and, although I’ve been well-received here, I am never better than when I am near you. (Emphasis in the original)

Duroc to Napoleon, July 7, 1801:

I have sought to conduct myself here, Citizen Consul, in a manner that would satisfy you. I am well-regarded and thought highly of everywhere because I belong to you particularly, but I will not be happy until I’m sure that I deserve your approval. I am waiting to set my departure until I know that you’ve received the letter that I had the honor to write you and that I sent with Captain Leclerc. I very much want to find myself near you as soon as possible. (Emphasis in the original)

When Napoleon offered to have Hortense marry Duroc, Napoleon’s proposition was that Duroc would receive five hundred thousand francs and be named commandant of the 8th military division and would be stationed in Toulon (Napoleon was against having a son-in-law in the house).

When the proposition was passed on to Duroc he turned it down because he didn’t want to be sent away from Napoleon’s side and if marriage meant being apart, he didn’t want it, even though from all accounts he was quite fond of Hortense (and she was fond of him).

Later, when Napoleon was having to negotiate his name in exile he said to Barry O’Meara:

“The name of General Bonaparte was the one which I bore at Campo Formio and at Lunneville, when I dictated terms of peace with the Emperor of Austria. I bore it at Amiens when I signed the peace with England. I should be proud to bear it still, but the honour of France forbids me to acknowledge the right of the King of England to annul the acts of the French people. My intention was to take the name of Duroc.”

But he felt he had to keep Emperor Napoleon in order to Make A statement.

In another account, I forget to who, he repeated his intent to have taken on Duroc’s name in exile in order to be a little more incognito/not draw attention to himself, but because England refused to acknowledge that he had been emperor he was like “fuck that, I’m going to insist on being called emperor”. So, had England not been like “you were never emperor” it’s possible Napoleon would have taken Duroc’s surname as his own.

How very married of them.

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Apologies for the long reply. Not sure this will really answer anything, but it's an amalgamation of my thoughts.

Junot is the clearest of the homo-something friendship between Napoleon and another man. Like, I think that's a tough one to read as anything other than a messy break up. Which is why, when we were all nattering on about queering Napoleon in film yesterday, I focused so much on Junot over the others.

But same sex intimacy, even in Just Friends, can have homo-something undertones to it. Friendships can be complex, multilayered and include some romantic and erotic aspects to them. This doesn't mean those friendships are Romantic Relationships as we think of them, but if there's a romantic tinge to it, or a strong homoerotic tinge to it, then why not explore it? See where it takes the story or the interpretation and undestanding of the person and their actions. Maybe it'll go no where useful, maybe it will. Only one way to find out.

Thank you for the ask!

#reply #anon #ask #napoleonic #napoleonic friendships #duroc #junot #lannes #napoleon bonaparte #napoleon #now I get to sit here and be stressed about possible Discourse #suicide mention

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